1 00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:03,704 Oh, okay. 2 00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:06,507 Here's one of the first things your Uncle Charlie wrote. 3 00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:07,808 ( plays piano ) 4 00:00:07,875 --> 00:00:13,414 * Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... * 5 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:17,085 Eh? What do you think? 6 00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:20,321 Must have been before my time. 7 00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:24,358 Okay, we're done here. 8 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,195 Hey, hey, hey. 9 00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:29,029 Don't put your juice box on the piano. 10 00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:30,398 It leaves a ring. 11 00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:33,201 How could a box leave a ring? 12 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:35,736 Got to run to the grocery store. 13 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,305 I'm going to need somebody to fold these clothes. 14 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,806 I don't know if the grocery store 15 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,175 is the first place I'd go for that, but good luck. 16 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,010 Oh, oh, remember. 17 00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:44,112 You're being punished. 18 00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:46,347 So no TV, no computer, no Gameboy. 19 00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:48,015 Charlie, I need you to be my eyes and ears. 20 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:51,519 Okay, but you have to be my liver and prostate. 21 00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:55,089 Whoa, whose is this? 22 00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,126 Uh, Charlie, you want to field that one? 23 00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,627 No problem. 24 00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:03,097 Jake, sometimes when you have a casual, sexual relationship... 25 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,665 All right, all right. 26 00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:08,869 Jake, we take in strangers' laundry 27 00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:10,304 because we're poor. 28 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,307 I'll be back in an hour. 29 00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:15,176 Start folding. No TV. 30 00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:20,414 What'd you get busted for? 31 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,116 Painted my room at Mom's house. 32 00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:23,151 What's wrong with that? 33 00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:25,253 I'm ten years old. 34 00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:30,558 Hey, how about a little sock golf? 35 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:31,659 What's that? 36 00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:33,861 Okay, here's how it works. 37 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,430 The living room is a dog leg par four. 38 00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:40,000 That means you have to get your sock into the kitchen sink 39 00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:41,969 in four strokes or less. 40 00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:43,304 Okay. 41 00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:44,938 Play for a quarter a hole. 42 00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:47,375 Your handicap's obvious. 43 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,844 You're short and you've never heard of the Ninja Turtles. 44 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:52,112 All right, 45 00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:54,748 keep your knees bent, your arms straight 46 00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:56,650 and swing easy. 47 00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,689 Oh, man. 48 00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:02,690 I'm being hustled. 49 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,692 We can play for less if you want. 50 00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,260 Don't get cocky. 51 00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:10,130 There's 17 more holes. 52 00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:20,708 ( British accent ): The 18th hole. 53 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:21,775 All square. 54 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,377 The defending champion 55 00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,946 looks to have an easy tap in for a birdie, 56 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:28,115 as the gallery waits breathlessly 57 00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:30,150 for the rookie to respond. 58 00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:32,586 Would you please stop talking? 59 00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:36,657 Tempers flare as the pressure mounts. 60 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:42,930 Oh, yeah! 61 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,232 It's unbelievable. 62 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:45,866 And eagle on the 18th. 63 00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:48,936 This has never happened before in the history of sock golf. 64 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,404 Little help here. 65 00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:52,340 Fans are coming out of the gallery 66 00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,608 with sacks of groceries for the young phenom. 67 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:55,643 What's going on? 68 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,778 I won. I beat Uncle Charlie. 69 00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:58,946 Excuse me. 70 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,581 Didn't I ask you to fold the laundry? 71 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:01,849 Laundry? 72 00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:03,417 Are you barking mad? 73 00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:06,854 The child just won the coveted Palmolive Cup. 74 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,923 * I won, you lose, I won... * 75 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,759 Charlie... 76 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:14,762 when I ask Jake to do something, I need you to help me make sure 77 00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:15,763 that he does it. 78 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:16,930 I'm trying to teach him 79 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:17,931 responsibility. 80 00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,567 This sock is soaking wet. 81 00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:22,336 Yeah, I chipped into the water hazard 82 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,572 on the ninth and the lid was open. 83 00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,073 So, this is toilet water. 84 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:28,409 At least. 85 00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:35,883 All right, 86 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:38,185 I put Jake to bed, I folded the laundry, 87 00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:39,620 I put the groceries away... 88 00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:41,655 The guilt thing doesn't work on me, Alan. 89 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,724 Yeah, well, it's all I got. 90 00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,158 I'll be back in a little while. 91 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,594 Where are you going? 92 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,629 Oh, I have to bring the garbage cans back in. 93 00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,498 Today wasn't garbage day. 94 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,333 Oh, no, not here. At Judith's. 95 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,635 At Judith's? 96 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:57,638 Alan, your wife threw you out. 97 00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,573 Yeah, well, that doesn't mean she doesn't need me. 98 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:02,943 Yeah, it kind of does. 99 00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,512 Well, look, we're still married. 100 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:05,946 It's still my house, 101 00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:09,016 and she still counts on me to do a few chores. 102 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,518 It's good. 103 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,754 It leaves the door open for, you know, reconciliation. 104 00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,155 I see. 105 00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:19,993 So, how do you lift those garbage cans without a spine? 106 00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:25,599 They're on wheels. 107 00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,410 What are you watching? 108 00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,946 I'm watching a movie. 109 00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,615 And you're not supposed to be watching anything. 110 00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,317 Oh, yeah. 111 00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:45,953 Is that guy a good guy or a bad guy? 112 00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,488 Good guy. 113 00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:50,023 And you're not supposed to be watching TV. 114 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,325 I know. 115 00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:57,164 Is that his girlfriend? 116 00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,499 Ex-girlfriend. 117 00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:00,033 But he still loves her, right? 118 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:03,504 I'm not going to walk you through the whole movie. 119 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:06,239 I think so. 120 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,941 Go to bed, Jake. 121 00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:09,977 Okay. 122 00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:14,515 Who's that guy? 123 00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:15,849 That's the guy he was in jail with 124 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,885 and told him where the money was hidden. 125 00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:20,220 Oh, right. 126 00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:21,755 Hey, you're being punished. 127 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,056 No TV. 128 00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,758 I know. 129 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,431 ( door opening ) 130 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,234 What the hell is going on? 131 00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:36,804 BOTH: Shh. 132 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:37,938 Jake. 133 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,707 Good night. 134 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,077 Hey, I'm watching that. 135 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:46,213 What part of "no TV" didn't you understand? 136 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,882 I'm allowed to watch TV. 137 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,350 I mean Jake. 138 00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:51,619 I said, "No TV." He said, "Okay." 139 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,421 I said, "Go to bed." He said, "Okay." 140 00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:54,688 What do you want from me? 141 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,356 Charlie, he's taking advantage of you 142 00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:57,891 because he knows you won't follow through. 143 00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:01,028 Well he obviously knows me better than you do. 144 00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,796 Okay, look, if this is going to work out 145 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,399 with Jake living here part-time, you have to be an adult. 146 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,634 You have to impose discipline. 147 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:07,968 Yeah, fine, whatever. 148 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,136 Give me back the remote. 149 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,638 No, no, you're not listening to me. 150 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:11,905 You need to be firm. 151 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,807 Okay. 152 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,876 Go to your room. 153 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,144 Yes, like that. 154 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,446 I mean it. 155 00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:20,614 Give me the remote and go to your room. 156 00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:22,416 That's very funny. Ha-ha. 157 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:23,584 I'm serious. Get out of here. 158 00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:25,586 I will kick your ass. 159 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:35,963 Oh, man. 160 00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,846 Shoo. 161 00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:04,357 ( "Road Runner" plays ) 162 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,226 Jake. 163 00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:07,528 ( firmer ): Jake. 164 00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:09,497 It was on when I came in. 165 00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:14,201 Yeah, right. 166 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,770 What did I tell you about leaving juice boxes on my piano? 167 00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:19,907 How do you know it's mine? 168 00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:21,408 Oh, come on. 169 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:26,013 Who else around here drinks "Transylvania Goofy Juice"? 170 00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,482 Good point. 171 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:29,950 And another thing, 172 00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:32,486 were you on the deck feeding the seagulls again? 173 00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:34,922 Sorry, I forgot. 174 00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:37,357 Okay. 175 00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:38,992 We need to talk. 176 00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:41,895 Love you, Uncle Charlie. 177 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,231 Look, we don't feed the seagulls 178 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,534 because you can't get rid of them. 179 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,201 And we don't leave the doors and windows open 180 00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:50,871 because we get all kinds of bugs and crap flying in the house. 181 00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:51,872 Okay. 182 00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:53,641 No, no, no, don't just say, "Okay." 183 00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:55,843 This is not the grown-up telling the kid what to do. 184 00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:58,278 This is just two guys agreeing how to live together. 185 00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,479 Are we cool? 186 00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,882 Yeah, cool. 187 00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:02,950 Hey. 188 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,217 What's going on? 189 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:05,218 Nothing. 190 00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:06,720 Was he watching TV? 191 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:07,755 No. 192 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,559 Jake, I have to run 193 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:12,693 a quick errand, 194 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,227 so why don't you wash and dress 195 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,596 and when I get back we'll do something fun. 196 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,030 Can we watch TV? 197 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:18,065 Go. 198 00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,069 Where are you off to? 199 00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:25,272 Uh, the, uh, uh... grocery store. 200 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,546 You're going to Judith's, aren't you? 201 00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:33,881 ( scoffs ) 202 00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,616 No. 203 00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:39,452 Then where are you going? 204 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,022 Judith's. 205 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:43,657 Oh, Alan. 206 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,192 I have to. I have to. 207 00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:46,359 The-the-the-timer 208 00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:47,895 on the sprinkler system is broken 209 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,063 and the flower beds are getting flooded, 210 00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:52,332 and I love her and I want her back. 211 00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:55,135 Oh, buddy, I feel for you. 212 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,203 Well, thank you. 213 00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:59,773 Unfortunately, the feeling is nausea. 214 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:03,076 Great, great. I'll see you later. 215 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,579 Alan, you've been making the same mistake your whole life. 216 00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:07,014 Being the good boy, 217 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,149 fixing everything so everybody would love you. 218 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,818 It didn't work with Mom, 219 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,587 didn't work with either of the women you went out with. 220 00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,055 And it's not going to work with your wife. 221 00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:17,858 Charlie, you know nothing about commitment 222 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,327 and responsibility to a relationship. 223 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:23,496 Granted, but I do know when a woman's using me. 224 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,799 And by that I mean not in a fun way. 225 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,300 Well, you can rest easy, 226 00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,036 because no one is using me. 227 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,708 And did you mean that I only dated two women 228 00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:35,909 including Judith? 229 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,244 Because, 230 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:39,713 because if you did, I have two words for you. 231 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,016 Maxine Chernakoff. 232 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:51,992 Ya! 233 00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,031 Did you fix it? 234 00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,900 Not quite. 235 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,869 Doesn't seem like you're changing anything. 236 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:04,838 Well, no, well, sometimes change happens, Judith, 237 00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,139 and you can't see it. 238 00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:08,709 Okay, fine. 239 00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:09,743 When you're done fixing this, 240 00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:10,944 would you come inside 241 00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:12,612 and take a look at the garbage disposal? 242 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,082 Sure. Thank you. 243 00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:17,017 Wait, no. 244 00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,553 What? 245 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,955 No, I-I won't come inside 246 00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:24,257 and look at the garbage disposal. 247 00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:27,661 Why not? 248 00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:30,230 I know when I'm being used, Judith, 249 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,865 and not in a fun way. 250 00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,701 What are you talking about? 251 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:34,902 Who are we kidding? 252 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,704 The marriage is over. 253 00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,005 You're just afraid to move on, 254 00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,940 so you keep dragging me over here, 255 00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:42,776 and I'm afraid to move on, so I keep coming. 256 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:46,714 Good-bye, Judith. 257 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,281 You're free. I... 258 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:52,853 I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for. 259 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,433 Jake? 260 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:07,801 What you got there? 261 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,903 Just a little bread. 262 00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:12,539 Please tell me you're not feeding the seagulls again. 263 00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,742 ( seagull screeching ) 264 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,544 Okay. 265 00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,346 Oh, man, did you let another one 266 00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:22,015 of those big, flappy bastards in the house? 267 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,818 You have to put a dollar in the swear jar. 268 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:25,919 You said "bastards." 269 00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:28,756 Smart-- poke the bear. 270 00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:31,391 I'm telling you, Jake, this is the last ti... 271 00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:35,295 ( seagulls crying ) 272 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,297 Yikes. 273 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,604 I'm really sorry, Uncle Charlie. 274 00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:46,206 I don't want to talk to you right now. 275 00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:48,041 Hello, uh, do you have a department 276 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:52,445 of animal control or bird abatement? 277 00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:55,248 I have a seagull problem. 278 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,717 Sea-gull. 279 00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,552 Thank you. I'll hold. 280 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,789 I didn't know there'd be so many. 281 00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,523 I told you, don't feed the damn things. 282 00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:06,126 I told you, don't leave the windows open. 283 00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:08,228 Yeah, hi, uh-uh, who is this? 284 00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:11,264 Phyllis Siegal. 285 00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:19,873 No, no, Phyllis, 286 00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:23,110 I-I wanted to talk to somebody about seagulls. 287 00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:26,446 I got a flock of seagulls in my house. 288 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:29,917 No, I don't know whatever happened to them. 289 00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,885 I'm really sorry. 290 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:34,354 We had an agreement, Jake, and you broke it. 291 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,389 Look, uh, I-I need somebody 292 00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:39,426 who can come over with a net or something. 293 00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,661 Sure. I'll hold. 294 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:44,264 Hello? Who is this? 295 00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:46,266 Annette. 296 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:51,038 Look, I got a room filled with seagulls. 297 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,439 No-no-no-no-no... 298 00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:55,675 Hi, Phyllis. 299 00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,310 Hey. 300 00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:58,745 Good-bye, Phyllis. 301 00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,047 Good news. 302 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,314 Really? 303 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:02,816 Come tell me in Jake's room. 304 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,317 What did he do? 305 00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:05,785 He didn't paint anything, did he? 306 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:08,922 I want you to be surprised. 307 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,892 You will never guess what happened 308 00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:13,894 while I was at Judith's. 309 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,762 Neither will you. 310 00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:18,231 ( gulls squawking ) 311 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,166 Oh, my God! 312 00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:22,870 So what's your good news? 313 00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:24,704 Open the door! 314 00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:26,206 Your kid got 'em in there. 315 00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:27,007 You get 'em out. 316 00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,008 ( banging door ) 317 00:13:28,075 --> 00:13:31,912 Open... this door! 318 00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:39,186 That was not funny, Charlie. 319 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:42,122 Depends on what side of the door you were on. 320 00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,525 Look, I-I'm really sorry about the birds, 321 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,861 but I'm sure they'll leave as soon as they get hungry. 322 00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:50,397 That's what I thought about you. 323 00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:51,798 Well, you know what-- Jake and I may be 324 00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:52,832 out of here sooner than you think. 325 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,067 What do you mean? 326 00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:56,803 At Judith's, there was kissing. 327 00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,338 Mutual kissing. 328 00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:00,607 Unprompted, but reciprocated by yours truly. 329 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,709 Wow. Mm. 330 00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,344 And was it as boring as it sounds? 331 00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:06,880 Charlie, Charlie, she kissed me, 332 00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,348 and this was not the kiss of a woman 333 00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:10,850 who just wanted her garbage disposal unclogged. 334 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:15,122 Well, you know her plumbing better than I do. 335 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,689 You know what I'm going to do? 336 00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:18,691 I'm going to let her come to me. 337 00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:20,360 You know, be detached. 338 00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:21,328 Play it cool. 339 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:24,197 Yeah, that's your home run swing. 340 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:28,401 Hey, Uncle Charlie, want to play some sock golf? 341 00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:29,836 No, thanks. 342 00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:30,870 JAKE: Where you going? 343 00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:32,472 CHARLIE: Going for a drive. 344 00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:35,142 Can I come? Nope. 345 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:40,880 I don't think Uncle Charlie likes me anymore. 346 00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:42,049 Don't be silly. 347 00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,650 He-he's just a little upset 348 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,086 about the 30, 40 screaming, crapping birds in his house. 349 00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:47,988 Why don't you, uh... 350 00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:50,623 Why don't you write him a note and tell him how sorry you are. 351 00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,192 Okay. 352 00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:55,095 Don't worry. He'll come around. 353 00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:58,331 Sooner or later, everybody comes around. 354 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:02,035 You just have to give 'em a little time... 355 00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:05,872 and a little space. 356 00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:07,907 Hello, Judith? 357 00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,681 What's in the bucket? 358 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,683 Chum. 359 00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:18,685 What? 360 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:19,987 Bait. 361 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,354 I went down to the bait shop 362 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,556 and asked them what seagulls liked to eat. 363 00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,292 We're keeping them? 364 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:28,361 No. We're going to throw the bait out the window 365 00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,030 to lure the birds out of the house. 366 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,831 Oh, that-that's pretty clever. 367 00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:33,500 Yeah, it's a variation 368 00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:36,236 on something I do with women and tennis bracelets. 369 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,574 Hey, Uncle Charlie, I made this for you. 370 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,581 Thanks. 371 00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,750 I made it myself. 372 00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,952 I see that. 373 00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:55,288 What you doing? 374 00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:56,423 Getting rid of the birds. 375 00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:57,557 Can I help? 376 00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,293 Nope. 377 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,729 Uh, Jake, why don't you go out and play on the deck, okay? 378 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,564 Okay. 379 00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:09,436 What is wrong with you? 380 00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,204 He worked really hard on that card. 381 00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:12,239 You barely looked at it. 382 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,540 What do you want from me, Alan? 383 00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,875 Well, he's dying for you to forgive him. 384 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:18,045 Fine. I forgive him. 385 00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:20,047 Now, are you going to help me or not? 386 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:23,583 I got a serious problem here. 387 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,019 Really? 'Cause you look like you have it all together. 388 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,689 Okay, here's the deal. 389 00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,125 We go in there 390 00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:34,094 and start throwing this stuff out the windows. 391 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:35,495 When the last bird's out, 392 00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:38,131 we close the window and get on with our lives. 393 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,567 You ready? 394 00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,370 Sure. 395 00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:46,039 You know, if they love this bait so much, 396 00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:48,208 why would they even wait for... 397 00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:50,710 ( gulls squawking ) ( screaming ) 398 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,823 It's almost like somebody tipped 'em off. 399 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,425 Got any other bright ideas? 400 00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:06,493 Yeah. 401 00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,595 I'm going to get a dry wall guy in there 402 00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:09,696 and seal off that room. 403 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,699 Very funny. 404 00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,734 I'm not kidding. 405 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,736 That room is dead to me. 406 00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:20,207 It's either that or sell the house. 407 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:21,374 I'll put it on the market 408 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:24,344 as a two-bedroom-plus aviary. 409 00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:26,746 Everybody loves an aviary. 410 00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:28,881 What about Jake? 411 00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:30,183 You going to put him on the market, 412 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,051 or just wall him off? 413 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:33,620 Hey, I tried with that kid, Alan. 414 00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:36,289 He-he-he says one thing and then he goes and does another. 415 00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:38,991 He's ten. He's got the attention span of a hummingbird. 416 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:42,629 Well, then, what am I supposed to do when he ignores me? 417 00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,131 You punish him-- you-you take away his computer, 418 00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:45,598 his-his TV, his toys. 419 00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,534 Well, you already took away all the good stuff. 420 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,370 What am I supposed to take away-- his bronchial inhaler? 421 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:51,771 You know what I'm saying, Charlie. 422 00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,241 You just... you don't... take away your love. 423 00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:42,555 Hi, uh, 424 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,556 I tried calling, 425 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:44,924 but I kept getting your machine, 426 00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,159 so I thought I'd bring this over. 427 00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:47,594 What is it? 428 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,662 Oh, it's my master file of, uh, handymen, 429 00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:52,365 plumbers, electricians, maintenance schedules, 430 00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:55,034 warranties, authorized repair centers, um... 431 00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:56,669 et cetera. 432 00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:59,706 Okay, well, uh, you're on your own. 433 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:00,707 Got to run. 434 00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,709 Alan, wait. 435 00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:07,747 Yes? 436 00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,516 About that kiss... 437 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,184 Ah. 438 00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,586 When you said we should move on, 439 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:14,821 I got scared, 440 00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,356 and, uh... 441 00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:18,425 Alan, I kissed you out of fear. 442 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:21,160 Hey, it still counts. 443 00:19:21,228 --> 00:19:22,729 Alan, you were right. 444 00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,497 We have to move on. 445 00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,234 Okay. 446 00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:30,237 Alan, wait. 447 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,675 Yes? 448 00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:38,245 The garbage disposal's still making that horrible noise. 449 00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:40,780 Well, I keep telling you not to put bones in it. 450 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:41,814 I didn't. 451 00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:43,716 The sink trap does not lie, Judith. 452 00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:48,688 This is so cool, Uncle Charlie. 453 00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:51,224 Yeah, well, I was kind of hard on you, and I... 454 00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:52,692 I wanted to make it up. 455 00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,194 So you're not still mad about the seagulls? 456 00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:56,529 Oh, I'm still mad. 457 00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,631 I just figured out a better way to deal with it. 458 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:02,535 Well, I think this is a very good way. 459 00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,037 Me, too. 460 00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:06,506 I'm buying you all this stuff, 461 00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:10,042 but, as punishment for letting seagulls in my house, 462 00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:11,878 you can't play with it for a month. 463 00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:13,780 A month? 464 00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:16,182 Pretty smart, huh? 465 00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:17,817 It's not fair. 466 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,020 You know what this is? 467 00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:23,256 The world's smallest violin. 468 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,727 What are you talking about? 469 00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,273 They're gone, Charlie. 470 00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:43,142 Are you sure? 471 00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:44,911 Check under the bed. 472 00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:48,881 All clear. 473 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,918 Okay. 474 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,420 I wonder why they left. 475 00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:56,923 Maybe because we stopped feeding them. 476 00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,925 Whoa, check it out. 477 00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:03,896 Wow. 478 00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:06,098 You know what this means, don't you? 479 00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:07,066 Yeah. 480 00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:09,268 Breakfast.