1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:09,743 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:29,630 SO HOW COME YOU'RE SO SMART? 5 00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,732 LIKE, HOW COME THEY CALL YOU "THIRD"? 6 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,202 WELL, I GUESS BEING SMART JUST HAPPENED. 7 00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:37,838 I WAS NAMED AFTER MY MOM'S COUSIN'S HUSBAND -- 8 00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,607 CLARK GRISWOLD THE SECOND. 9 00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:43,043 I'M THE THIRD CLARK GRISWOLD -- CLARK GRISWOLD JOHNSON. 10 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:46,080 DO YOU HAVE ANY BROTHERS AND SISTERS? 11 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,181 YES. 12 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:50,017 THEY'RE WITH MY GRANDMA IN KANSAS, 13 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:52,086 EXCEPT FOR MY OLDEST SISTER. 14 00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:54,088 SHE'S WORKING AT A STRIP CLUB IN LAS VEGAS. 15 00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,689 A STRIP CLUB? 16 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:56,690 MM-HMM. 17 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,058 WHERE DO YOU LIVE? 18 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,094 WELL, MY MOM AND DAD AND I ARE STAYING 19 00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,795 WITH MY COUSIN, AUDREY GRISWOLD. 20 00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:05,233 SHE'S VISITING HER BOYFRIEND IN INDIANAPOLIS. 21 00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,034 SO WE'RE KIND OF HOUSE-SITTING FOR HER. 22 00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,936 YOU KNOW, THE HOLIDAYS. 23 00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,405 WELL, THIS IS WHERE I LIVE. 24 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,607 MY DAD'S A BRAIN SURGEON. 25 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,008 WHAT'S YOUR DAD DO? 26 00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:18,979 UM...HE WORKS IN NUCLEAR RESEARCH. 27 00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:22,116 OH, HE'S A NUCLEAR SCIENTIST? 28 00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:29,957 WELL...NOT EXACTLY. 29 00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:33,994 [ DINGING ] 30 00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:37,131 [ SIGHS ] 31 00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:40,868 [ DINGING RAPIDLY ] 32 00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:44,472 SO WE INJECT THEM WITH NUCLEAR WASTE, 33 00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,574 AND THEN WE STUDY THEIR BRAIN WAVES 34 00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:50,043 AND OTHER ORGANS TO EXAMINE THE EFFECTS OF THE NUCLEAR WASTE 35 00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:52,146 ON VARIOUS SPECIES OF ANTHROPOIDS. 36 00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:56,184 [ DINGING CONTINUES ] 37 00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:01,755 [ SIGHS ] 38 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:06,360 [ DINGING RAPIDLY ] 39 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,043 OH! 40 00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:24,278 [ SCREECHES ] 41 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,180 FASCINATING, PROFESSOR. 42 00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,782 BUT TELL ME -- THEY'RE PLAYING TICKTACKTOE, 43 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,485 AND THE CHIMPANZEE APPEARS TO BE WINNING. 44 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,920 HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? 45 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:38,892 BECAUSE... THE MONKEY IS SMARTER. 46 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,829 [ "JINGLE BELLS" PLAYS ] 47 00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:50,304 I'M SORRY, EDDIE. 48 00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,939 WE JUST GOT THIS DIRECTIVE FROM WASHINGTON, 49 00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,607 AND THEY'RE CUTTING COSTS. 50 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,610 WE'VE BEEN ORDERED TO CUT OUR STUDY GROUP BY HALF. 51 00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:59,680 SO FROM NOW ON WE'RE ONLY WORKING TILL NOON? 52 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:00,848 [ CHUCKLES ] 53 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,951 NO, EDDIE, I'M AFRAID THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND ROY. 54 00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,953 ONE OF YOU HAS TO GO. 55 00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:09,357 OH. 56 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:12,726 GEE, ROY, THAT'S A TOUGH BREAK. 57 00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:16,163 BUT DON'T WORRY -- YOU'LL LAND ON YOUR FEET. 58 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,065 IT'S NOT ROY WE'RE LETTING GO, EDDIE. 59 00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:19,433 IT'S YOU. 60 00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:24,938 WELL, WHY DON'T YOU FIRE HIM? 61 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,375 I MEAN, WHAT HAS HE GOT THAT I AIN'T GOT? 62 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:31,879 HIS BRAIN WAVES REGISTER MORE DISTINCTLY THAN YOURS. 63 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,481 WHICH ONE'S MINE? 64 00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:35,182 THE ONE LABELED "EDDIE." 65 00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,850 OH. 66 00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,085 I'LL CHECK OTHER BRANCHES 67 00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,588 AND SEE IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE AVAILABLE FOR YOU. 68 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:43,357 [ SIGHS ] 69 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,829 OH, EDDIE! 70 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,598 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 71 00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:15,289 I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY'D LET ME GO JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS. 72 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:17,758 AND I WORKED HARD, TOO. 73 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:21,228 I EVEN HELPED PLUG THE WIRES IN MY HEAD. 74 00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,096 THAT'S MORE THAN ROY DID. 75 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:27,234 IT'S JUST LIKE THE TIME A GOAT KICKED ME IN THE TEETH 76 00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:30,304 FOR MILKING HER WITH THE VACUUM CLEANER. 77 00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:33,341 EDDIE, DON'T FEEL SO BAD. 78 00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:36,209 YOU KNOW THAT MONKEY'S PRETTY SMART. 79 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:39,179 OH, YOU'LL FIND ANOTHER JOB. 80 00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,814 YOU'RE REAL GOOD AT IT. 81 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,883 YEAH, YOU'VE DONE IT LOTS OF TIMES. 82 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,185 I'M JUST A TOTAL FLOP. 83 00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,920 LET'S FACE IT. 84 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,658 NO, EDDIE! NOT...TOTAL. 85 00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:53,494 IT'S TRUE, MOM -- TOTAL. 86 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,863 I MEAN, THIS IS THE SIXTH JOB DAD'S LOST 87 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,198 SINCE THEY FORECLOSED ON THE FARM, 88 00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,868 AND NOW HE'S LOST OUT TO A MONKEY. 89 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:04,438 THIRD, THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY. 90 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,174 WELL, THE BOY'S RIGHT. 91 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:10,878 I'M JUST ONE BIG DISAPPOINTMENT. 92 00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:12,680 [ SIGHS ] 93 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,948 I'M SORRY I LET YOU DOWN. 94 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:35,869 YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE, AND WE HAVE A LOT TO BE THANKFUL FOR. 95 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:39,707 WE GOT A WONDERFUL FAMILY. WE'RE ALL TOGETHER. 96 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,542 WELL, EXCEPT FOR FOUR OF THE KIDS, 97 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,043 WHO ARE STAYING WITH GRANDMA, 98 00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,278 AND OUR DAUGHTER WHO'S IN SHOW BUSINESS. 99 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:46,780 BUT WE GOT ONE REAL SMART KID. 100 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,850 YEAH, WHO THINKS HIS DADDY'S DUMB. 101 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,251 OH, EDDIE, NO! 102 00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:55,623 OH, NO, THIRD HAS FAITH IN YOU, AND HE THINKS YOU'RE REAL SMART. 103 00:05:57,124 --> 00:06:01,061 WELL, HE THINKS YOU HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR. 104 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:04,598 OH, EDDIE, I KNOW THIS HAS BEEN A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOU, 105 00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,600 BUT WE'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. 106 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,302 AND AT LEAST WE GOT A ROOF OVER OUR HEADS, HUH? 107 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,038 YEAH, BUT FOR HOW LONG? 108 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,640 I BET IN A YEAR OR TWO, 109 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:16,777 AUDREY WILL GET SICK OF US LIVING HERE AND FEEDING US. 110 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:22,182 HE THINKS I GOT A REAL GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR, HUH? 111 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,784 MM-HMM. 112 00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,422 THAT'S IT! 113 00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,891 GOLDARN IT, I'M GONNA DO IT! WHAT? 114 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,427 I'M GONNA TAKE A HOT BATH. I CAN'T SLEEP. 115 00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:36,764 YOU KNOW WHAT THE PREACHER SAID 116 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,532 THAT TIME I GOT FIRED FROM THAT JOB 117 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,300 TESTING THEM SECOND-HAND RECLINERS. 118 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,202 THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER. 119 00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:47,007 THAT WAS THE DAY BEFORE THE BANK FORECLOSED ON THE DIRT FARM. 120 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:50,110 [ SQUEAKING ] 121 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,480 [ RUMBLING ] 122 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:07,060 [ RUMBLING INTENSIFIES ] 123 00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:23,877 [ SIGHS ] 124 00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:26,947 [ RUMBLING ] 125 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:36,089 [ RUMBLING INTENSIFIES ] 126 00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:41,128 CATHERINE! 127 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,934 I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE. 128 00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:49,036 AUDREY LEFT US THESE EMERGENCY NUMBERS. 129 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:52,272 I'M GONNA CALL THE 24-HOUR EMERGENCY PLUMBER. 130 00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,807 THEY NEVER CLOSE. 131 00:07:55,609 --> 00:08:00,313 I NEVER DID TRUST INDOOR PLUMBING! 132 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,983 AH! 133 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,885 I CAN'T REACH HIM. THE LINE'S BUSY! 134 00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:07,888 [ RUMBLING ] 135 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,593 WE'RE GONNA BE WASHED AWAY! 136 00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,995 BOY TO DO A MAN'S JOB. 137 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,830 [ DIALING ] 138 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,266 I NEED BIGGER EQUIPMENT! 139 00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,368 [ Ringing ] 140 00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:23,604 Man: Hi, and Merry Christmas! 141 00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:26,239 This is the Ever-Ready Plumbing Service. 142 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,507 MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU. 143 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,109 Using your Touch-Tone phone, 144 00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:32,646 please select from the following menu to accommodate your needs. 145 00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:34,915 UM...I HAVE A BIG PROBLEM HERE -- 146 00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,516 If you want our sales department 147 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:40,120 for the latest in bathroom and kitchen fixtures, press one. 148 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,655 And Merry Christmas! 149 00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,957 [ SNEEZES ] MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU. 150 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:46,426 If you would like our billing department 151 00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:48,261 for your latest billing information, 152 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:51,198 or to ask about our handy layaway plan, press two. 153 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:54,434 Unless you'd like to talk to Wally Evans, 154 00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,336 our vice president of finance. 155 00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:59,472 That office is open from 10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. 156 00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,709 And did I wish you a Merry Christmas? 157 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,211 YES, YOU DID. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU. 158 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,512 CAN YOU HEAR ME? 159 00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:06,780 If you'd like to talk... 160 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,416 STOP! STOP IT! I'M LOSING IT! 161 00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:10,784 HELLO? 162 00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,753 For Kathleen, Harry's secretary, 163 00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:17,658 or Julie Lynch in personnel, or Billy in accounting... 164 00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:20,093 If you'd like our 4-color brochure 165 00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:24,632 on our imported Parisian bidets, press five and ask for Antoine. 166 00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:29,970 DAMN, ROTTEN, DIRTY PIECE OF SLUDGE! 167 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:32,072 ...safe, secure, pleasant Christmas. 168 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,574 AAHHH! 169 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,109 [ Dial tone ] 170 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:40,380 * OH, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY * 171 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:44,818 * OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE-HORSE, OPEN SLEIGH * 172 00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:48,822 * JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY * 173 00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:50,724 OH, HI, EDDIE. I DIDN'T SEE YOU COME IN. 174 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,592 I HAVE YOUR SEVERANCE CHECK. 175 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,461 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 176 00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:55,996 THANKS, JENNIFER. 177 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,998 OH, EDDIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 178 00:09:57,998 --> 00:09:59,767 YOU HERE FOR YOUR SEVERANCE CHECK? 179 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:03,136 YEAH. PROFESSOR DOORNITZ, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU. 180 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,472 I'VE BEEN THINKING, YOU KNOW, 181 00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:08,475 AND WELL, I REALLY LIKE THIS JOB. 182 00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:10,143 AND I WAS WONDERING 183 00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:14,114 IF YOU COULD KIND OF RECONSIDER LETTING ROY GO 184 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,583 AND KEEPING ME ON. 185 00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:17,851 HE AIN'T THAT SMART. 186 00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,821 HE'S JUST PRETENDING TO READ. 187 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,523 OW! 188 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,625 OH, DEAR. 189 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,195 OH, I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT. 190 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:32,232 YOU KNOW, THE THING ABOUT ATOMIC ENERGY AND MONKEYS IS... 191 00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,401 OH, UH... 192 00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:36,503 [ ROY SCREECHES ] 193 00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:39,106 AAH! OHH! OHHH! 194 00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:40,640 HE'LL BE FINE. 195 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,575 YOU PUMPED SO MUCH ATOMIC WASTE INTO HIM 196 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,377 THAT THE AREA WHERE THE CHIMP BIT HIM 197 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:45,512 HEALED ALMOST IMMEDIATELY. 198 00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:46,714 THANK GOD. 199 00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:48,248 AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE CHIMP IS OKAY. 200 00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:51,084 OH, YEAH. WHAT ABOUT A POSSIBLE LAWSUIT? 201 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,086 THIS GUY'S GOT ONE HELL OF A CASE. 202 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:56,656 HE'S NOT TOO BRIGHT. I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING. 203 00:10:56,656 --> 00:11:00,894 [ MOANING ] 204 00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:03,797 AN ALL-EXPENSE-PAID CHRISTMAS VACATION 205 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,533 ON AN ISLAND IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC! 206 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:07,667 OH-HO-HO-HO! 207 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,870 BUT YOU DIDN'T GET YOUR JOB BACK. 208 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,204 THEY KEPT THE MONKEY! 209 00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:15,909 YEAH, ROY HAD A CONTRACT-- IRONCLAD. 210 00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,812 YOU LOST ANOTHER JOB, 211 00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,480 AND YOU AND THE MONKEY WERE THE ONLY ONES 212 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,149 WHO APPLIED FOR THE JOB. 213 00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:25,719 I MEAN, THIS IS JUST ANOTHER DISASTER. 214 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:29,222 LIKE BACK HOME, WHEN YOU HAD TO QUIT BEING A MAIL-ORDER DENTIST 215 00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:31,859 AFTER YOU STAPLED THE MAYOR'S MOUTH TOGETHER. 216 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,994 THIRD, YOUR FATHER REMEMBERS THAT. 217 00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,628 YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMIND HIM. 218 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:38,298 I THINK THIS IS EXCITING. 219 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,968 A CHRISTMAS VACATION IN THE SOUTH SEAS -- 220 00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:44,637 TROPICAL NIGHTS, BEAUTIFUL WHITE BEACHES, 221 00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:46,774 LUAUS. [ LAUGHS ] 222 00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:49,609 NO CABLE TV, PROBABLY NO FAST FOOD. 223 00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:52,946 OH, THEY GOT FAST FOOD. THEY GOT FRIED FOOD EVERYWHERE. 224 00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,048 I THINK WE SHOULD LOOK AT THIS POSITIVELY. 225 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,785 I MEAN, WE'VE NEVER HAD A REAL VACATION. 226 00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,186 IT'LL BE AN ADVENTURE. 227 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,954 YOU KNOW PROFESSOR DOORNITZ? 228 00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:03,656 HE SAID THAT WE'RE STAYING IN THE BEST MOTEL 229 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,425 IN THE WHOLE PACIFIC OCEAN. 230 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,094 IT'LL PROBABLY BE IN A TREE. 231 00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:11,331 WHY DON'T I JUST STAY HERE WITH COUSIN AUDREY FOR CHRISTMAS? 232 00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,834 I MEAN, PAIGE IS HERE. 233 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:16,336 NO, NO, NO. NOW WE'RE GONNA STICK TOGETHER. 234 00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:20,173 NO KID OF MINE'S GOING OFF ON THEIR OWN TILL THEY'RE 13. 235 00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:26,313 CATHERINE, COUSIN EDDIE? 236 00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:29,850 I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF. 237 00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:32,820 [ Crying ] MERRY CHRISTMAS! 238 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:37,557 OH! AUDREY, WHAT'S WRONG? 239 00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:38,725 WHAT HAPPENED? 240 00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:43,563 DANIEL AND I -- WE BROKE UP. 241 00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,866 IT'S OVER. 242 00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:50,804 THE GREAT LOVE OF MY LIFE, AND IT'S OVER. 243 00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:53,340 I WILL NEVER FIND TRUE LOVE AGAIN. 244 00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:54,474 [ SIGHS ] 245 00:12:54,474 --> 00:13:00,013 I'M -- I'M -- I'M THINKING ABOUT KILLING MYSELF, 246 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:04,584 OR -- OR EATING LARGE AMOUNTS OF ICE CREAM. 247 00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,386 I'D GO FOR THAT ICE-CREAM DEAL. 248 00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,989 COULD YOU IMAGINE SOMETHING THAT TERRIBLE HAPPENING 249 00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:12,492 RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS? 250 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:15,395 OH. 251 00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,564 I MEAN, WE WERE PERFECT TOGETHER. 252 00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:21,568 WE BOTH LIKED THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND JAPANESE FOOD 253 00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:26,039 AND RAINDROPS ON ROSES AND LITTLE WHISKERS ON KITTENS. 254 00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,608 BUT, AUDREY, IF YOU WERE SO GREAT TOGETHER, 255 00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:29,642 WHY'D YOU BREAK UP? 256 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,111 OH. 257 00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,113 FOUND OUT HE WAS MARRIED. 258 00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:36,049 [ SIGHS ] THAT'LL DO IT. 259 00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,221 THANKS FOR INVITING ME TO STAY WITH YOU 260 00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:43,490 AT THE HOTEL IN MALUKA, CATHERINE. 261 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,524 UH-HUH. 262 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:45,758 I NEED TOTAL RELAXATION, 263 00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,460 AND THE SOUTH PACIFIC SOUNDS JUST GREAT. 264 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:50,197 OH, IT'LL BE GREAT HAVING YOU WITH US, AUDREY. 265 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:52,532 AND, YOU KNOW, EDDIE NEEDS RELAXATION, TOO, 266 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,368 WHAT WITH HIM LOSING HIS ATOMIC-RESEARCH JOB. 267 00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:58,138 I DON'T KNOW WHY, BOY, 268 00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:01,208 BUT I GOT A FEELING THIS TRIP'S GONNA BE REAL GOOD FOR US. 269 00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:03,310 I DON'T KNOW WHY, EITHER, DAD. 270 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,916 HEY, SNOTS. FETCH. 271 00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:11,885 GO GET IT! 272 00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:12,953 GO GET IT. 273 00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,521 GO GET IT! GO ON! 274 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,457 CATHERINE, WHEN THEY TEST EDDIE FOR A REACTION 275 00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:20,193 FROM ALL THAT STUFF HE'S EXPOSED TO, 276 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,362 DOES IT HAVE ANY EFFECT ON HIM? 277 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,730 NO, HE'S FINE. 278 00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:26,900 AND THE PLATE IN HIS HEAD HAS BECOME QUITE A GOOD BUG ZAPPER. 279 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,937 JUST FRIES THOSE LITTLE FELLOWS. 280 00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:31,304 WHOO! 281 00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,008 [ GRUNTS ] 282 00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:36,543 YEAH, I KNOW. 283 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:40,213 THINGS AIN'T BEEN SO GREAT FOR US THE LAST 30, 40 YEARS, BOY, 284 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:43,750 BUT, YOU KNOW, MAYBE THIS IS A NEW BEGINNING. 285 00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:48,255 MAYBE THIS IS THE TIME WHEN THINGS WILL START TO GO RIGHT. 286 00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:49,889 [ BUZZES ] 287 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,927 VISITING A NEW... 288 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,695 COUN-- 289 00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,597 [ SIZZLES ] 290 00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,199 [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] 291 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,336 ...NEW COUNTRY. 292 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:08,575 MAYBE I JUST NEEDED THIS TIME TO FOLLOW MY PASSION. 293 00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:13,846 [ GRUNTS ] 294 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:15,848 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 295 00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:17,650 YOU KNOW, AUDREY. 296 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,086 EDDIE'S REALLY WORRIED. 297 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:22,255 HE'S SORT OF RUN OUT OF CAREERS. 298 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:25,258 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE NOTICED, BUT HE'S NOT PERFECT. 299 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,460 NO ONE IN HIS FAMILY IS. 300 00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:28,996 THIRD'S PERFECT. 301 00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:32,065 YEAH, THIRD'S PERFECT. 302 00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:34,601 HE TAKES AFTER MY SIDE OF THE FAMILY. 303 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,836 ALL OF OUR OTHER KIDS TAKE AFTER EDDIE. 304 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:40,273 EXCEPT FOR OUR DAUGHTER -- SHE'S A MARVELOUS STRIPPER. 305 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,378 COME ON, SNOT. COME ON. 306 00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:46,646 NOW GO GET IT! 307 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,449 GO! 308 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:53,253 YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET THE AGENCY OFF THE HOOK. 309 00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:57,257 THE MONKEY BIT YOU, AND YOU TOOK A CHRISTMAS VACATION! 310 00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,192 WE COULD HAVE FOUND A GOOD LAWYER 311 00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,860 AND SUED THEM FOR A FORTUNE. 312 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,395 I DON'T THINK SO. 313 00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:07,567 PROFESSOR DOORNITZ, HE FELT THAT I INSULTED ROY. 314 00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,170 SNOT, HERE YOU GO. 315 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,472 HEY, HEY, HERE. 316 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,806 GO GET IT! 317 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,942 [ BARKS ] 318 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:18,278 [ CRASH ] 319 00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,513 [ ORNAMENTS SHATTER ] 320 00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:25,285 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 321 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:27,787 HELLO. 322 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,023 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 323 00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,491 CAN I COME IN? 324 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,795 UNCLE NICK! 325 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,164 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 326 00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:39,666 AUDREY, THIS IS EDDIE'S UNCLE NICK. 327 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,168 WHAT'S WRONG? 328 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,570 NOTHING! CAN I COME IN? 329 00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,038 UNCLE NICK! 330 00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:47,340 THIS IS A SURPRISE. 331 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,142 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 332 00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,643 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 333 00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,079 I CAME HERE TO DIE. 334 00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,314 NOW CAN I COME IN AND DIE SITTING DOWN? 335 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:57,050 SO AUNT JESSICA RAN OFF 336 00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,186 WITH THE CHRISTMAS-TREE DELIVERY MAN? 337 00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:02,055 A 28-YEAR-OLD DELIVERY MAN. 338 00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,623 I DIDN'T KNOW THEY DELIVERED. 339 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:07,560 A 28-YEAR-OLD RUNS OFF WITH A 66-YEAR-OLD GRANDMOTHER? 340 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,929 I DIDN'T THINK GRANDMOTHERS THOUGHT ABOUT SEX 341 00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:11,731 AND STUFF LIKE THAT. 342 00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:15,135 APPARENTLY, THE THOUGHT ENTERED HER MIND. 343 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,836 I'M SO SORRY, UNCLE NICK. 344 00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:19,272 I'M SURE SHE'LL COME BACK TO YOU. 345 00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,708 SHE WAS 17 WHEN WE WERE MARRIED, 346 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:25,178 AND I WAS THE FIRST MAN WHO EVER TOUCHED HER. 347 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:28,281 I GUESS NOW THERE'S A SECOND. 348 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,750 UNCLE NICK, 349 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,919 HOW COME YOU'RE WEARING A SANTA CLAUS JACKET? 350 00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:34,254 WHEN HE TOOK OFF WITH JESSICA, 351 00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:37,424 HE GRABBED MY GOOD JACKET AND LEFT ME WITH THIS. 352 00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:41,361 I JUST CAN'T SIT AROUND THAT HOUSE ALL DAY ALL ALONE, EDDIE. 353 00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:43,963 AND I THOUGHT I MIGHT... 354 00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:46,099 SPEND SOME TIME WITH YOU. 355 00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,368 WELL, GEE, UNCLE NICK. 356 00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:51,238 ROY BIT ME ON THE ASS, AND I LOST MY JOB. 357 00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,505 WE'RE ALL TAKING OFF 358 00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,108 ON AN ALL-EXPENSE-PAID CHRISTMAS VACATION. 359 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:58,010 YOU LOST ANOTHER JOB? YEAH. 360 00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,947 ROY BIT YOU ON THE ASS? WHO'S ROY? 361 00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:02,982 ME AND ROY -- WE WORKED TOGETHER. 362 00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,152 BUT WE'RE ALL FLYING OUT TOMORROW. 363 00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:07,620 AUDREY IS COMING WITH US. 364 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,289 DANIEL IS MARRIED. 365 00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:12,992 DANIEL? WHO'S DANIEL? 366 00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:14,727 OH, NEVER MIND. I DON'T CARE. 367 00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:18,698 WHERE YOU GOING ON YOUR VACATION? 368 00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:19,866 SOMEWHERE WARM? 369 00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,269 IT'S HOT. 370 00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,570 I'M GOING WITH YOU. 371 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:27,240 I DON'T LIKE CHRISTMAS WHEN IT SNOWS. 372 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:31,411 IT'S TOO SENTIMENTAL. 373 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:36,149 EDDIE, COME ON. WE'RE GONNA MISS THE PLANE! 374 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,618 I HAVE TWO MORE! 375 00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:43,923 DON'T FORGET MY BAGS. 376 00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,626 YOU GOT ROOM FOR THIS ONE? SURE. 377 00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,606 THIRD, DID YOU GIVE SNOTS HIS PILL? 378 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,175 YEAH. HE'S GETTING TIRED ALREADY. 379 00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:03,843 HE'S GOT A LITTLE BIT OF GAS. 380 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,313 YEAH, VET GAVE HIM A LITTLE SOMETHING TO CALM HIM DOWN. 381 00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,080 [ FARTS ] HE'S NEVER FLOWN BEFORE. 382 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,384 THEN, AGAIN, NEITHER HAVE I! 383 00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:20,293 [ RUMBLING ] 384 00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:31,338 P.A.: Attention all passengers, 385 00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,873 please watch your luggage, your children, 386 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,275 and all other valuables. 387 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,544 And...merry Christmas! 388 00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:44,083 NO! LOOK AT THE LINE. 389 00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:46,753 WE'LL NEVER MAKE THE PLANE. 390 00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,555 LET'S GO. 391 00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:50,223 [ SIGHS ] 392 00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:52,625 [ FARTS ] 393 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,194 OH! OH! 394 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,029 THANK YOU. 395 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,266 THANK YOU. THANKS A LOT. 396 00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:00,633 [ COUGHS ] 397 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,502 YEAH! THIS IS ALL RIGHT. 398 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:05,305 [ FARTING CONTINUES ] 399 00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:08,641 [ COUGHS ] 400 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:11,110 OH, HI! MERRY CHRISTMAS! 401 00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:13,313 ANYONE LOSE A BOWLING BALL? 402 00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,748 ANYONE LOSE A BOWLING BALL? 403 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,588 COME ON! 404 00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:25,925 I HEAR SOMETIMES THEY RUN OUT OF PEANUTS! 405 00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,193 AAH! 406 00:20:27,193 --> 00:20:29,396 [ SCREAMING CONTINUES ] 407 00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:32,332 [ ALARM BUZZING ] 408 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,207 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 409 00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:43,410 OH -- OH, YEAH. 410 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:44,444 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 411 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:47,480 NO, I'M -- I'M FINE. NO DAMAGE. 412 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,216 I'VE GOT ALL THE USUAL NUMBER OF ARMS AND LEGS. 413 00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:52,151 I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T EVEN SEE YOU. 414 00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:56,623 IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT -- JUST A FEW SUPERFICIAL BREAKS. 415 00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:59,025 SORT OF THING HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME. 416 00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,893 YOU'RE A FOREIGNER, AIN'T YOU? 417 00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:02,061 WHAT ARE YOU? 418 00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:03,830 I-I'M -- I'M ENGLISH. 419 00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:06,399 OH! [ CHUCKLES ] WELL, YOU SURE DO TALK PRETTY. 420 00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:09,369 WELL, WE DID SORT OF INVENT THE LANGUAGE. 421 00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:10,637 NO HARD FEELINGS? 422 00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:13,640 NO FEELINGS WHATSOEVER. 423 00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:18,311 HE'S ALL RIGHT! HE'S ENGLISH! 424 00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:21,280 I UNDERSTOOD EVERY WORD HE SAID! 425 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,149 AAH! 426 00:21:23,149 --> 00:21:24,451 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 427 00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:26,185 RAISE YOUR ARMS, PLEASE. 428 00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:29,589 [ WHIRS ] 429 00:21:30,657 --> 00:21:32,859 [ WHIRRING INTENSIFIES ] 430 00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:34,827 [ BEEPS RAPIDLY ] 431 00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:43,269 ATTENTION! ATTENTION, PLEASE! 432 00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:46,005 DID ANYBODY LOSE THIS? 433 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,516 HEY, LOOK AT ALL THOSE PEOPLE DOWN THERE. 434 00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:59,118 THEY LOOK LIKE ANTS. 435 00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:00,553 THOSE ARE ANTS, DAD. 436 00:22:00,553 --> 00:22:03,490 THE PLANE HASN'T TAKEN OFF YET. 437 00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:20,373 [ SNORES ] 438 00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:27,013 [ Shouting ] BOY, THAT'S A BIG OCEAN OUT THERE! 439 00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:29,248 LOT OF WATER! 440 00:22:29,248 --> 00:22:32,685 [ SNORING CONTINUES ] 441 00:22:42,228 --> 00:22:43,362 [ CHUCKLES ] 442 00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:44,831 PEANUTS, GENTLEMEN? 443 00:22:44,831 --> 00:22:47,534 LUNCH! 444 00:22:48,334 --> 00:22:50,437 THANK YOU! 445 00:22:50,437 --> 00:22:53,339 [ CRYING ] 446 00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:56,409 DON'T CRY, AUDREY. IT'S ONLY A BOOK. 447 00:22:56,409 --> 00:22:59,211 I'M NOT CRYING ABOUT THE BOOK. 448 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:02,214 I'M CRYING ABOUT DANIEL. 449 00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:04,884 EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF HIM. 450 00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:06,185 THESE PEANUTS -- 451 00:23:06,185 --> 00:23:09,989 HE USED TO LOVE PEANUTS. 452 00:23:09,989 --> 00:23:13,092 HE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, CATHERINE. 453 00:23:14,594 --> 00:23:17,830 I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN -- NEVER. 454 00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:22,401 I'LL NEVER SEE INDIANAPOLIS AGAIN. 455 00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:24,637 ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT DASHIELL? 456 00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:27,774 THAT WAS JUST A PASSING THING. 457 00:23:27,774 --> 00:23:29,642 I THOUGHT YOU WENT WITH HIM FOR A YEAR. 458 00:23:29,642 --> 00:23:32,479 IT PASSED SLOWLY. 459 00:23:32,479 --> 00:23:35,214 ACTUALLY, DAD, 460 00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:41,387 THE PACIFIC OCEAN IS 164,384,000 SQUARE MILES IN AREA -- 461 00:23:41,387 --> 00:23:43,656 18 TIMES THE SIZE OF THE UNITED STATES. 462 00:23:43,656 --> 00:23:46,192 IT WAS NAMED BY THE EXPLORER MAGELLAN, 463 00:23:46,192 --> 00:23:49,629 BECAUSE WHEN HE FIRST SAW IT, IT WAS SO TRANQUIL, 464 00:23:49,629 --> 00:23:51,998 HE CALLED IT THE PACIFIC. 465 00:23:51,998 --> 00:23:55,468 [ GRUNTS ] 466 00:24:02,909 --> 00:24:04,276 OH! 467 00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:05,945 AH! 468 00:24:05,945 --> 00:24:08,548 OOH. 469 00:24:08,548 --> 00:24:11,017 [ MAN MOANS ] 470 00:24:11,017 --> 00:24:13,620 OH. 471 00:24:25,998 --> 00:24:28,034 PEANUT? 472 00:24:32,238 --> 00:24:34,173 THANK YOU. 473 00:24:36,175 --> 00:24:38,778 [ SNORING CONTINUES ] 474 00:25:04,003 --> 00:25:07,139 [ TRADITIONAL ISLAND MUSIC PLAYS ] 475 00:25:13,079 --> 00:25:14,513 WHERE'S THE BATHROOM? 476 00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:17,717 OH, WOW! 477 00:25:17,717 --> 00:25:20,386 OH, THANK YOU! 478 00:25:20,386 --> 00:25:22,288 OH, BEAUTIFUL! 479 00:25:22,288 --> 00:25:25,357 WELL, LOOK AT THAT. [ LAUGHS ] 480 00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:27,126 OH! 481 00:25:27,126 --> 00:25:28,995 WOW! 482 00:25:28,995 --> 00:25:30,863 WELL. 483 00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:31,864 HERE. 484 00:25:34,934 --> 00:25:36,302 [ CHUCKLES ] HERE YOU GO, UNCLE NICK. 485 00:25:36,302 --> 00:25:37,604 THIS ONE HERE'S A-WILLING. 486 00:25:37,604 --> 00:25:39,672 [ LAUGHS ] 487 00:25:39,672 --> 00:25:41,073 HEY, THIRD, 488 00:25:41,073 --> 00:25:42,942 YOU SEE ABOUT GETTING SNOTS OUT OF BAGGAGE AREA? 489 00:25:42,942 --> 00:25:45,578 THEY'RE BRINGING HIM OUT, DAD. HE'S STILL ASLEEP. 490 00:25:45,578 --> 00:25:48,948 THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES INSISTED THAT THEY FUMIGATE HIM FIRST. 491 00:25:48,948 --> 00:25:51,050 THEY DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY HE SMELLED. 492 00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:54,754 THAT'S FUNNY. I NEVER NOTICED HE SMELLED BAD. 493 00:25:54,754 --> 00:25:58,257 DAD, SMALL ANIMALS PASS OUT WHEN HE WALKS BY THEM. 494 00:25:58,257 --> 00:26:00,793 Woman: ALOHA! 495 00:26:00,793 --> 00:26:03,930 HI! ARE YOU THE JOHNSON FAMILY? 496 00:26:03,930 --> 00:26:05,264 YEAH! 497 00:26:05,264 --> 00:26:07,333 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 498 00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:09,535 HELLO. 499 00:26:09,535 --> 00:26:11,170 I'M MUKA LAKA MIKI, MR. JOHNSON. 500 00:26:11,170 --> 00:26:14,306 I WORK FOR THE ATOMIC TESTING AGENCY HERE IN MALUKA. 501 00:26:14,306 --> 00:26:15,608 YOU'RE OUR GUESTS. 502 00:26:15,608 --> 00:26:18,077 WELL, NICE TO MEET YOU... MUKA LIKA HICKY. 503 00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:19,078 [ CHUCKLES ] 504 00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:20,713 OH! 505 00:26:22,114 --> 00:26:24,717 [ SMOOCHING ] 506 00:26:24,717 --> 00:26:26,585 [ CHUCKLES ] 507 00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:29,021 Catherine: EDDIE! 508 00:26:29,021 --> 00:26:30,657 OH. 509 00:26:30,657 --> 00:26:32,825 THIS IS MY WIFE, CATHERINE, 510 00:26:32,825 --> 00:26:37,229 AND COUSIN AUDREY AND OUR SON, THIRD THE THIRD. 511 00:26:37,229 --> 00:26:38,030 HEY. 512 00:26:38,030 --> 00:26:40,066 AND THIS HERE IS UNCLE NICK. 513 00:26:40,066 --> 00:26:42,201 HI, THERE! 514 00:26:42,201 --> 00:26:43,302 HI. 515 00:26:43,302 --> 00:26:44,804 NICK -- 516 00:26:44,804 --> 00:26:48,274 NICK JUGSON... AT YOUR SERVICE. 517 00:26:48,274 --> 00:26:50,009 OH! [ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ] 518 00:26:50,009 --> 00:26:52,812 I'LL -- I'LL GET YOU TO YOUR MOTEL. 519 00:26:52,812 --> 00:26:54,681 THEN I THOUGHT YOU'D WANT THE REST OF THE DAY 520 00:26:54,681 --> 00:26:56,348 TO GET UNPACKED AND STUFF, 521 00:26:56,348 --> 00:26:59,018 AND THEN TOMORROW I COULD SHOW YOU THE ISLAND. 522 00:26:59,018 --> 00:27:01,721 THE AGENCY WANTS TO GIVE YOU SPECIAL TREATMENT. 523 00:27:01,721 --> 00:27:04,323 THEY'RE REALLY SORRY ABOUT THE MONKEY BITING YOU. 524 00:27:04,323 --> 00:27:05,825 OH, WELL. I HEAL FAST. 525 00:27:05,825 --> 00:27:08,494 BUT IF THIS IS THE WAY YOU FOLKS SHOW YOUR APOLOGIES... 526 00:27:08,494 --> 00:27:12,264 [ LAUGHS ] THAT MONKEY CAN BITE MY ASS EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK 527 00:27:12,264 --> 00:27:14,066 AND TWICE ON SUNDAY. 528 00:27:26,545 --> 00:27:28,347 WHOO! HEH-HEH! 529 00:27:28,347 --> 00:27:30,917 YOU FOLKS SURE ARE TREATING US IN STYLE. 530 00:27:30,917 --> 00:27:34,153 WELL, I'VE PLANNED A BIG DAY FOR US. 531 00:27:34,153 --> 00:27:36,522 THIS MORNING, WE'RE GONNA WALK AROUND THE TOWN 532 00:27:36,522 --> 00:27:37,890 AND GET TO KNOW IT A LITTLE. 533 00:27:37,890 --> 00:27:39,926 AND VISIT THE NATIVE SHOPS, AND I NEED A MANICURE. 534 00:27:39,926 --> 00:27:42,194 AND THEN WE CAN CHANGE INTO BEACH CLOTHES 535 00:27:42,194 --> 00:27:44,563 AND HAVE A NATIVE CHRISTMAS COOKOUT FOR LUNCH -- 536 00:27:44,563 --> 00:27:46,498 SORT OF A MINI LUAU. 537 00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:49,168 AND THIS AFTERNOON, I'VE CHARTERED A SMALL BOAT, 538 00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:51,670 AND I THOUGHT WE'D TOUR SOME OF THE ISLANDS. 539 00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,706 THAT SOUNDS GREAT! 540 00:27:53,706 --> 00:27:56,042 HEAR THAT, UNCLE NICK? WE'RE GOING ON A BOAT! 541 00:27:56,042 --> 00:27:59,078 JUST WHAT AN OLD SAILOR WANTS TO HEAR! 542 00:27:59,078 --> 00:28:03,682 [ MAN SINGING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE ] 543 00:28:18,831 --> 00:28:21,834 SNOTS? SNOTS, HERE. 544 00:28:23,102 --> 00:28:25,237 [ SNORING ] 545 00:28:26,572 --> 00:28:27,974 [ ENGINE WHIRRING ] 546 00:28:30,642 --> 00:28:33,312 HEY, WHOSE SEAPLANE IS THAT OVER THERE? 547 00:28:33,312 --> 00:28:35,381 THAT'S JACK MALTBY, MELBOURNE JACK. 548 00:28:35,381 --> 00:28:36,582 HE'S AN AUSSIE. 549 00:28:36,582 --> 00:28:39,786 HE OWNS A HOTEL NEAR HERE ON HIS OWN PRIVATE ISLAND. 550 00:28:39,786 --> 00:28:41,788 HE'S A GREAT GUY. 551 00:28:43,022 --> 00:28:44,957 THERE'S MORE COMING, HONEY. 552 00:28:44,957 --> 00:28:48,194 THESE RIBS ARE GREAT, MUKA KOOKIE. 553 00:28:48,194 --> 00:28:50,930 RIBS AND PINEAPPLE -- THOSE ARE OUR BIG CHRISTMAS DISHES -- 554 00:28:50,930 --> 00:28:52,131 AND FRIED EEL. 555 00:28:52,131 --> 00:28:55,234 FRIED EEL? FRIED?! WOW! 556 00:28:56,435 --> 00:28:58,137 AM I INVITED FOR LUNCH? 557 00:28:58,137 --> 00:29:01,841 SURE, JACK! COME ON IN! 558 00:29:01,841 --> 00:29:05,011 HI, MUKA LAKA MIKI. THANKS FOR THE INVITE. 559 00:29:05,011 --> 00:29:06,645 HI, JACK. HOW ARE YOU? 560 00:29:06,645 --> 00:29:09,481 HI, I'M AUDREY GRISWOLD. 561 00:29:09,481 --> 00:29:10,950 WE JUST ARRIVED. 562 00:29:10,950 --> 00:29:14,353 LOVE THE ISLAND -- FABULOUS PLACE. 563 00:29:14,353 --> 00:29:15,621 ARE YOU MARRIED? 564 00:29:15,621 --> 00:29:17,957 HI, THERE. WE'RE THE JOHNSONS. 565 00:29:19,125 --> 00:29:21,127 I'M EDDIE. 566 00:29:21,127 --> 00:29:22,661 THIS HERE IS UNCLE NICK. 567 00:29:22,661 --> 00:29:23,896 [ SNORES ] 568 00:29:23,896 --> 00:29:25,231 THAT'S MY BOY. 569 00:29:26,198 --> 00:29:28,300 AND HERE'S MY WIFE, CATHERINE. 570 00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:29,435 EEL? 571 00:29:29,435 --> 00:29:31,871 LIKE I SAID, THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE. 572 00:29:31,871 --> 00:29:34,640 WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE ME...ON A TOUR? 573 00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,642 SURE. 574 00:29:36,642 --> 00:29:39,912 [ CHUCKLES ] WHAT A CHARMING MAN. 575 00:29:39,912 --> 00:29:42,181 WHAT'S THAT SMELL? 576 00:29:43,883 --> 00:29:46,418 Audrey: OH! OH, THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. 577 00:29:46,418 --> 00:29:47,920 [ AUDREY LAUGHS ] 578 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,823 IT'S TIME FOR THE BOAT, YOU GUYS. LET'S PACK UP. 579 00:29:50,823 --> 00:29:53,625 OH, OKAY. THIRD, GRAB YOUR STUFF. 580 00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:56,195 AND SOMEONE PUT OUT THE FIRE. 581 00:29:56,195 --> 00:29:57,463 I'M FULL. 582 00:29:57,463 --> 00:30:00,566 YOU JUST SIT AND DIGEST. I'LL PACK UP. 583 00:30:04,871 --> 00:30:07,506 SNOTS! SNOTS! 584 00:30:07,506 --> 00:30:10,843 Eddie: I HOPE THEY GOT A POOPER ON THIS THING. 585 00:30:10,843 --> 00:30:14,580 THAT FRIED EEL'S HEADED DUE SOUTH. 586 00:30:14,580 --> 00:30:16,883 CAPTAIN LYNCH! 587 00:30:22,488 --> 00:30:25,491 IT'S FROM CAPTAIN LYNCH. 588 00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:29,361 HIS WIFE IS HAVING A BABY, AND HE HAS TO DELIVER IT. 589 00:30:29,361 --> 00:30:31,964 HE SAYS WE CAN TAKE THE BOAT OUT IF WE WANT TO, 590 00:30:31,964 --> 00:30:33,732 IF WE KNOW HOW TO RUN A BOAT. 591 00:30:33,732 --> 00:30:35,334 DO YOU KNOW HOW TO RUN A BOAT? 592 00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:39,838 NO, I FISH LOTS IN A CREEK, BUT DIDN'T HAVE NO BOAT. 593 00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,307 I'M WILLING TO TRY. 594 00:30:41,307 --> 00:30:42,641 FORGET IT. 595 00:30:42,641 --> 00:30:46,078 I'VE GOT MORE SALT UNDER MY ARMPITS THAN YOU EVER SAILED ON. 596 00:30:46,078 --> 00:30:50,149 LEAVE IT TO ME. I WAS IN THE NAVY. 597 00:30:57,256 --> 00:31:01,560 WHY SHOULD THIS BE DIFFERENT FROM AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER? 598 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:05,564 AAH! THE KEY. 599 00:31:05,564 --> 00:31:08,467 ALL RIGHT. 600 00:31:08,467 --> 00:31:10,069 [ ENGINE TURNS OVER ] 601 00:31:10,970 --> 00:31:12,704 YAY! WHOO! 602 00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:16,575 SOMETIMES YOU JUST DON'T THINK OF THE EASY THINGS. 603 00:31:16,575 --> 00:31:17,876 [ LAUGHS ] 604 00:31:24,416 --> 00:31:26,852 SHOULDN'T WE UNTIE THIS FIRST? 605 00:31:26,852 --> 00:31:30,522 EDDIE, GET OUT AND CAST OFF. 606 00:31:45,637 --> 00:31:48,240 UNCLE NICK! 607 00:32:12,999 --> 00:32:17,069 [ GRUMBLES ] 608 00:32:38,924 --> 00:32:41,160 OKAY, WHERE IS IT? 609 00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:42,428 WHAT'S WRONG? 610 00:32:42,428 --> 00:32:45,864 THE COMPASS -- I CAN'T FIND A COMPASS. 611 00:32:45,864 --> 00:32:47,966 EVERY BOAT HAS A COMPASS! 612 00:32:47,966 --> 00:32:50,702 MAYBE WE SHOULD HEAD BACK TO SHORE. 613 00:32:50,702 --> 00:32:52,638 I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. 614 00:32:52,638 --> 00:32:54,073 WHOA! WHOA! 615 00:32:54,073 --> 00:32:57,376 WHOA-OH-OH! WHOA! 616 00:32:57,376 --> 00:33:00,146 AH! I GOT A BIG FISH! 617 00:33:00,146 --> 00:33:02,481 OH-OH-OH-WHOA! 618 00:33:02,481 --> 00:33:03,549 HOLD ON! 619 00:33:03,549 --> 00:33:04,783 WHOA! 620 00:33:04,783 --> 00:33:07,386 AAH! 621 00:33:07,386 --> 00:33:09,355 CAREFUL, HONEY! YOU'RE ALL TANGLED! 622 00:33:09,355 --> 00:33:12,758 GET A KNIFE! GET A KNIFE! 623 00:33:12,758 --> 00:33:14,126 I DON'T HAVE A KNIFE. 624 00:33:14,126 --> 00:33:16,828 I HAVE SCISSORS IN MY PURSE, EDDIE. 625 00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:18,464 GET A KNIFE! 626 00:33:18,464 --> 00:33:20,032 HOLD ON. 627 00:33:20,032 --> 00:33:21,667 GET A KNIFE! 628 00:33:21,667 --> 00:33:22,834 AAHHH! 629 00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:24,770 HOLD ON! 630 00:33:24,770 --> 00:33:26,505 AAH! 631 00:33:26,505 --> 00:33:28,774 AAH! 632 00:33:28,774 --> 00:33:30,142 AH-HA-HA-HA! 633 00:33:30,142 --> 00:33:32,644 I HAVE SCISSORS, EDDIE. 634 00:33:32,644 --> 00:33:33,945 AAAHHHH! 635 00:33:33,945 --> 00:33:36,415 AAH! AAH! 636 00:33:36,415 --> 00:33:38,184 AAH! AAH! 637 00:33:38,184 --> 00:33:41,053 HOLD ON, MR. JOHNSON! 638 00:33:41,053 --> 00:33:42,588 CALL ME EDDIE! 639 00:33:42,588 --> 00:33:44,156 HOLD ON, EDDIE! 640 00:33:46,625 --> 00:33:47,993 OH! 641 00:33:47,993 --> 00:33:49,695 OH! 642 00:33:49,695 --> 00:33:50,796 AAH! 643 00:33:50,796 --> 00:33:54,266 AAH! AAAHHHH! 644 00:33:55,767 --> 00:33:57,103 AAAAAH! 645 00:33:57,103 --> 00:34:00,806 AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! 646 00:34:00,806 --> 00:34:03,842 UNCLE NICK, UNCLE NICK! THE BOAT'S GOING BACKWARDS! 647 00:34:03,842 --> 00:34:06,212 MAKE IT GO FORWARDS! 648 00:34:06,212 --> 00:34:09,615 [ ENGINE TURNS OVER ] 649 00:34:09,615 --> 00:34:11,217 AAAHHHH! AAAHHHH! 650 00:34:11,217 --> 00:34:14,986 AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! 651 00:34:14,986 --> 00:34:17,989 OHHHH! 652 00:34:17,989 --> 00:34:19,691 [ SNAP ] 653 00:34:19,691 --> 00:34:21,627 [ GRUNTS ] 654 00:34:21,627 --> 00:34:23,229 HA HA HA! 655 00:34:23,229 --> 00:34:24,730 HA HA HA! 656 00:34:26,865 --> 00:34:28,434 OH! 657 00:34:28,434 --> 00:34:32,171 OH, EDDIE! YOU WERE WONDERFUL! 658 00:34:32,171 --> 00:34:34,039 I ALMOST HAD IT! 659 00:34:34,039 --> 00:34:36,375 DID YOU SEE THAT, HUH? 660 00:34:36,375 --> 00:34:39,378 THAT FISH WAS THE BIGGEST FISH I EVER SAW! 661 00:34:39,378 --> 00:34:43,515 THAT THING MUST HAVE WEIGHED 10,000 POUNDS. 662 00:34:43,515 --> 00:34:46,118 [ LAUGHS ] HOW ARE MY SHOES? 663 00:34:46,118 --> 00:34:47,986 [ CRASH ] AAH! 664 00:34:47,986 --> 00:34:48,987 WHOA! 665 00:34:48,987 --> 00:34:50,088 WHOA! 666 00:34:50,088 --> 00:34:51,990 AAH! 667 00:34:51,990 --> 00:34:53,192 WHOA! 668 00:34:54,893 --> 00:34:56,628 OH! OOH! 669 00:34:56,628 --> 00:34:58,130 MAN THE LIFEBOATS! 670 00:34:58,130 --> 00:35:00,199 THERE ARE NO LIFEBOATS. 671 00:35:05,103 --> 00:35:06,305 AAHHH! 672 00:35:06,305 --> 00:35:09,975 EDDIE, WHERE'S THE REST OF YOU?! 673 00:35:09,975 --> 00:35:12,311 OH, EDDIE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 674 00:35:12,311 --> 00:35:15,013 HEY, THEY GOT A UKULELE IN HERE! 675 00:35:15,013 --> 00:35:16,648 [ GRUNTING ] 676 00:35:18,684 --> 00:35:21,187 OH! 677 00:35:21,187 --> 00:35:23,889 OH, MY HEAD AND SHOULDERS. 678 00:35:23,889 --> 00:35:25,991 I'M IN PAIN. 679 00:35:25,991 --> 00:35:27,193 [ GASPS ] 680 00:35:27,193 --> 00:35:29,094 MY MANICURE IS RUINED! 681 00:35:29,094 --> 00:35:34,032 UNCLE NICK, WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE YOUR HAND OFF MY BREAST? 682 00:35:34,032 --> 00:35:36,935 IS EVERYBODY OKAY? 683 00:35:36,935 --> 00:35:38,470 I'M OKAY. 684 00:35:38,470 --> 00:35:42,441 BUT THERE'S JUST THIS HORRIBLE SMELL IN HERE. 685 00:35:44,310 --> 00:35:46,312 [ FARTS ] OH, GOD! 686 00:35:48,046 --> 00:35:50,249 UNCLE NICK! 687 00:35:50,249 --> 00:35:53,051 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 688 00:35:53,051 --> 00:35:54,920 I DON'T KNOW. I CUT MY HAND. 689 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:56,021 I DON'T KNOW HOW. 690 00:35:56,021 --> 00:35:57,856 I BIT IT. 691 00:35:57,856 --> 00:36:00,892 THIRD? THIRD?! 692 00:36:00,892 --> 00:36:04,129 WE'VE RUN AGROUND, 693 00:36:04,129 --> 00:36:06,198 BUT THERE'S AN ISLAND RIGHT THERE. 694 00:36:06,198 --> 00:36:09,335 YOU KNOW WHERE WE ARE? 695 00:36:09,335 --> 00:36:10,502 I'M FROM MILWAUKEE. 696 00:36:10,502 --> 00:36:12,304 I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THESE ISLANDS. 697 00:36:13,272 --> 00:36:16,842 THE RADIO -- LET'S TRY THE RADIO. 698 00:36:16,842 --> 00:36:17,943 MILWAUKEE? 699 00:36:17,943 --> 00:36:20,546 I THOUGHT YOUR NAME WAS MALUKA MALARKA RIKKI. 700 00:36:20,546 --> 00:36:22,748 FORGET THE RADIO. IT DOESN'T WORK. 701 00:36:22,748 --> 00:36:27,686 WELL, THAT ISLAND LOOKS NICE -- NOT TOO FAR. 702 00:36:27,686 --> 00:36:29,988 ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA TRY TO SWIM TO SHORE. 703 00:36:29,988 --> 00:36:31,990 I BET THERE'S NOTHING DANGEROUS ON THESE ISLANDS, 704 00:36:31,990 --> 00:36:33,459 RIGHT, MILWAUKEE-LIKI? 705 00:36:33,459 --> 00:36:35,427 I THINK IT'S SAFER THAN MILWAUKEE -- 706 00:36:35,427 --> 00:36:38,096 ONLY SNAKES, WILD DOGS, WILD BOAR. 707 00:36:38,096 --> 00:36:40,232 WILD BOAR? 708 00:36:40,232 --> 00:36:42,334 WELL, THEY'RE LIKE PIGS. 709 00:36:42,334 --> 00:36:45,571 SOME OF THEM CAN WEIGH UP TO 600 POUNDS. 710 00:36:45,571 --> 00:36:48,874 THEY'RE VERY FAST AND REAL NASTY. 711 00:36:48,874 --> 00:36:50,208 I'LL GO, DAD. 712 00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:52,478 NO, BOY, YOUR LIFE'S MORE PRECIOUS THAN MINE. 713 00:36:52,478 --> 00:36:54,680 WHY? I DON'T KNOW. 714 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,316 DADDY'S ARE JUST SUPPOSED TO SAY THINGS LIKE THAT SOMETIMES. 715 00:36:57,316 --> 00:37:00,919 NO! WE ALL GO. 716 00:37:00,919 --> 00:37:02,921 WE ALL GO TOGETHER. 717 00:37:02,921 --> 00:37:07,393 CATHERINE, I'M NOT AFRAID OF A LITTLE, OLD PIG. 718 00:37:07,393 --> 00:37:10,496 EDDIE, YOU CAN'T SWIM! 719 00:37:27,646 --> 00:37:29,681 LET'S WALK. 720 00:37:29,681 --> 00:37:32,284 [ "COME, ALL YE FAITHFUL" PLAYS ] 721 00:37:42,961 --> 00:37:47,032 AUDREY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH AN ELECTRIC CAPPUCCINO MAKER? 722 00:37:47,032 --> 00:37:49,000 I BOUGHT IT IN TOWN. 723 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,903 SOMEHOW I DOUBT WE'LL BE ABLE TO USE THAT. 724 00:37:51,903 --> 00:37:54,272 I DON'T THINK THERE ARE TOO MANY ELECTRICAL OUTLETS 725 00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:55,607 ON THIS ISLAND. 726 00:37:55,607 --> 00:37:56,775 MAYBE WE'LL FIND A MOTEL 727 00:37:56,775 --> 00:37:58,777 OR SOMETHING WITH AN ELECTRICAL OUTLET. 728 00:37:58,777 --> 00:38:01,913 LOOK! 729 00:38:01,913 --> 00:38:04,783 THE BOAT'S DRIFTING AWAY! 730 00:38:13,224 --> 00:38:16,928 DID ANYONE ANCHOR THE BOAT? 731 00:38:24,603 --> 00:38:26,438 WELL, WE GOT TO DO THIS RIGHT. 732 00:38:35,747 --> 00:38:36,848 WE NEED FOOD. 733 00:38:38,083 --> 00:38:39,551 YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, EDDIE. 734 00:38:39,551 --> 00:38:41,820 OKAY, HERE IS WHAT WE BROUGHT ASHORE. 735 00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:45,924 WE GOT A DOZEN TOOTSIE ROLLS, WE GOT SOME BRIDGE MIX, 736 00:38:45,924 --> 00:38:48,660 TWO SIX-PACKS OF BEER, SOME HAMBURGER HELPER, 737 00:38:48,660 --> 00:38:50,195 AND FOUR BOTTLES OF BOURBON. 738 00:38:50,195 --> 00:38:52,431 THAT'S MY KIND OF CAPTAIN. 739 00:38:52,431 --> 00:38:54,500 YEAH, WE ALSO GOT A QUARTER-POUND 740 00:38:54,500 --> 00:38:57,736 OF MOLDY AMERICAN CHEESE, A PACK OF MATCHES, 741 00:38:57,736 --> 00:38:59,405 AND A BOX OF THOSE LITTLE TOOTHPICKS 742 00:38:59,405 --> 00:39:01,373 THAT YOU PUT INTO FRANKFURTERS. 743 00:39:01,373 --> 00:39:03,375 ONLY WE DON'T HAVE ANY FRANKFURTERS. 744 00:39:03,375 --> 00:39:06,578 WE CAN USE THOSE TO GET THE TOOTSIE ROLLS OUT OF OUR TEETH. 745 00:39:06,578 --> 00:39:10,081 OH, AND, DAD, I FOUND A KNIFE ON THE BOAT. 746 00:39:10,081 --> 00:39:11,517 IT WAS IN THE GALLEY. 747 00:39:11,517 --> 00:39:14,185 Uncle Nick: I HAVEN'T HAD A TOOTSIE ROLL IN 35 YEARS. 748 00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:16,955 THAT'S WHEN I GOT MY FALSE TEETH. 749 00:39:16,955 --> 00:39:18,857 WELL, WE GOT BEER, 750 00:39:18,857 --> 00:39:22,528 GOT MY FAVORITE HUNTING DOG. 751 00:39:25,096 --> 00:39:27,232 I CAN HUNT FOR FOOD. 752 00:39:27,232 --> 00:39:29,000 OH, EDDIE. 753 00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:32,337 THE ONLY PLACE YOU EVER HUNTED FOR FOOD WAS OUR REFRIGERATOR. 754 00:39:32,337 --> 00:39:35,607 HEY, THERE'S A FRESHWATER STREAM BACK THERE IN THE FOREST 755 00:39:35,607 --> 00:39:37,409 AND PLENTY OF BANANAS EVERYWHERE, 756 00:39:37,409 --> 00:39:40,679 AND WE CAN MAKE SPEARS AND FISHING RODS TO HUNT AND FISH. 757 00:39:40,679 --> 00:39:43,348 AND I THINK I FOUND A GOOD PLACE FOR A CAMPSITE. 758 00:39:43,348 --> 00:39:45,283 OH, WOW! 759 00:39:45,283 --> 00:39:47,419 Catherine: ALL RIGHT, LET'S PACK UP. 760 00:39:47,419 --> 00:39:50,388 SNOTS! SNOTS! 761 00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:53,459 [ SNOTS BARKS ] 762 00:39:58,864 --> 00:40:01,867 THIS IS THE SPOT, EVERYBODY. 763 00:40:01,867 --> 00:40:03,969 IT'S STARTING TO GET DARK. 764 00:40:03,969 --> 00:40:06,371 WE BETTER FIGURE OUT WHERE WE'RE GONNA SLEEP. 765 00:40:06,371 --> 00:40:07,939 WE'LL TEAM UP, 766 00:40:07,939 --> 00:40:11,109 AND THERE ARE SOME TOWELS FROM THE HOTEL. 767 00:40:11,109 --> 00:40:14,412 I'M ALL SET. 768 00:40:14,412 --> 00:40:17,949 AUDREY AND I WILL BUDDY UP. 769 00:40:17,949 --> 00:40:19,217 [ INSECT BUZZES ] 770 00:40:19,217 --> 00:40:22,287 WELL, WE ONLY HAVE THREE TOWELS, AND THEY'RE ALL WET. 771 00:40:22,287 --> 00:40:23,555 WELL, IF YOU GET COLD, 772 00:40:23,555 --> 00:40:25,857 YOUR BUDDY'S BODY HEAT WILL HELP WARM YOU UP. 773 00:40:25,857 --> 00:40:28,927 YOU WANT TO RETHINK YOUR ASSIGNED BUDDY? 774 00:40:28,927 --> 00:40:30,596 NO. 775 00:40:32,297 --> 00:40:34,866 [ SNORING ] 776 00:40:39,137 --> 00:40:42,107 [ INSECT BUZZES ] 777 00:40:58,423 --> 00:41:00,626 [ GRUNTING ] 778 00:41:29,454 --> 00:41:33,525 [ GRUNTS ] 779 00:41:56,481 --> 00:41:57,949 OOH! 780 00:41:57,949 --> 00:42:00,919 [ CHANTING ] 781 00:42:05,757 --> 00:42:09,561 [ BIRDS CHIRPING ] 782 00:42:13,264 --> 00:42:16,401 THAT FELT GOOD! 783 00:42:16,401 --> 00:42:18,169 WHEN YOU GET TO BE MY AGE, 784 00:42:18,169 --> 00:42:22,007 A GOOD DUMP IS ONE OF THE GREAT PLEASURES IN LIFE. 785 00:42:23,308 --> 00:42:26,712 WELL, SHE'S ALL FINISHED. 786 00:42:28,446 --> 00:42:31,249 NOW WHEN I WAS WALKING UP TO THE HILL THIS MORNING, 787 00:42:31,249 --> 00:42:34,853 I SAW THAT THERE WAS NOTHING HERE BUT A LOT OF BANANAS. 788 00:42:34,853 --> 00:42:38,223 SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO HUNT FOR SOME REAL FOOD. 789 00:42:38,223 --> 00:42:39,257 SO LET'S GO, THIRD. 790 00:42:39,257 --> 00:42:40,491 YEAH! 791 00:42:40,491 --> 00:42:42,794 I'LL GO WITH YOU. 792 00:42:56,074 --> 00:42:57,542 ALL RIGHT. HERE'S THE GAME PLAN. 793 00:42:57,542 --> 00:43:00,078 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SPLIT UP SO WE CAN COVER MORE GROUND. 794 00:43:00,078 --> 00:43:03,214 WE'LL USE THAT FIRE ON TOP OF THE HILL AS A LANDMARK. 795 00:43:03,214 --> 00:43:06,484 UNCLE NICK, YOU MAKE A QUICK LEFT AND GO UP THE LEFT FLANK. 796 00:43:06,484 --> 00:43:07,786 THIRD, YOU MAKE A WIDE RIGHT. 797 00:43:07,786 --> 00:43:09,855 SNOTS AND I WILL GO RIGHT UP THE MIDDLE, 798 00:43:09,855 --> 00:43:11,723 AND VICTORY WILL BE OURS. 799 00:43:11,723 --> 00:43:15,193 WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IF I RUN INTO A WILD ANIMAL? 800 00:43:15,193 --> 00:43:16,527 THROW MY BANANA AT IT? 801 00:43:16,527 --> 00:43:18,129 GOOD THINKING! 802 00:43:20,231 --> 00:43:22,000 YAAAHHH! 803 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:23,001 [ BARKS ] 804 00:43:38,249 --> 00:43:40,485 [ BIRD SQUAWKS ] 805 00:43:40,485 --> 00:43:42,387 [ SIGHS ] 806 00:43:42,387 --> 00:43:46,157 HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF BARKING OR POINTING? 807 00:43:46,157 --> 00:43:47,058 [ WHIMPERS ] 808 00:43:47,058 --> 00:43:49,127 HOW ABOUT A LITTLE WARNING HERE? 809 00:43:49,127 --> 00:43:52,630 GIVE ME A LITTLE HEADS UP NEXT TIME. 810 00:44:01,940 --> 00:44:04,642 WELL, ARE YOU COMING? 811 00:44:32,170 --> 00:44:34,605 OH, MY. 812 00:44:34,605 --> 00:44:37,508 OH, MY! 813 00:44:37,508 --> 00:44:39,711 OH, MY! 814 00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:43,248 OH, MY! 815 00:44:46,084 --> 00:44:49,755 OH, MY GOD! 816 00:44:53,959 --> 00:44:55,260 Yes! 817 00:45:29,627 --> 00:45:31,763 ANY LUCK HUNTING, HONEY? 818 00:45:31,763 --> 00:45:34,199 NO. I ALMOST GOT A BIRD. 819 00:45:34,199 --> 00:45:37,335 BUT ALL I SAW WERE 'NANNERS. 820 00:45:40,605 --> 00:45:42,740 DID YOU GUYS HAVE ANY LUCK? 821 00:45:43,541 --> 00:45:45,811 NO. 822 00:45:45,811 --> 00:45:47,445 THAT'S IT. 823 00:45:49,214 --> 00:45:52,350 I AIN'T WALKED THIS MUCH SINCE MY LAST VISIT TO WAL-MART. 824 00:45:52,350 --> 00:45:53,384 HEY, EVERYBODY. 825 00:45:53,384 --> 00:45:56,121 YOU KNOW, IT'LL BE CHRISTMAS IN THREE DAYS. 826 00:45:56,121 --> 00:45:57,555 IT IS? 827 00:45:57,555 --> 00:45:58,957 OH. 828 00:45:58,957 --> 00:46:00,926 DO YOU KNOW, WITH ALL THE EXCITEMENT 829 00:46:00,926 --> 00:46:02,760 OF THE SHIPWRECK AND EVERYTHING, 830 00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:04,729 I GUESS I JUST FORGOT ALL ABOUT CHRISTMAS. 831 00:46:04,729 --> 00:46:08,199 WELL, I GUESS WE WILL HAVE TO FORGET ABOUT IT THIS YEAR. 832 00:46:08,199 --> 00:46:11,502 YEAH, IT'S MY FIRST CHRISTMAS WITHOUT MOM AND DAD. 833 00:46:11,502 --> 00:46:14,840 WELL, THIS IS MY FIRST CHRISTMAS WITHOUT GIFTS. 834 00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:17,675 NO TREE, NO SANTA. 835 00:46:17,675 --> 00:46:19,277 NO REAL FOOD. 836 00:46:19,277 --> 00:46:20,912 NO EGGNOG. 837 00:46:20,912 --> 00:46:23,581 HEY! WE CAN STILL HAVE CHRISTMAS. 838 00:46:23,581 --> 00:46:26,017 WE CAN HAVE AN ISLAND CHRISTMAS. 839 00:46:26,017 --> 00:46:28,954 WELL, THAT'S A REAL GOOD IDEA, MUKA NUKI. 840 00:46:28,954 --> 00:46:32,523 AN ISLAND CHRISTMAS -- WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT? 841 00:46:32,523 --> 00:46:34,459 WHAT IS AN ISLAND CHRISTMAS? 842 00:46:34,459 --> 00:46:37,562 WELL, EVERY YEAR WE CELEBRATE THE THINGS 843 00:46:37,562 --> 00:46:39,564 THAT WE'RE MOST THANKFUL FOR. 844 00:46:39,564 --> 00:46:43,501 WELL, WE'RE ALL ALIVE, AND WE'RE ALL TOGETHER. 845 00:46:43,501 --> 00:46:45,303 THAT'S WORTH CELEBRATING. 846 00:46:45,303 --> 00:46:47,738 YOU'RE PRETTY DAMN EASY TO PLEASE. 847 00:46:47,738 --> 00:46:49,140 WHAT ABOUT THE GIFTS? 848 00:46:49,140 --> 00:46:50,741 WE HAVE THE WHOLE ISLAND! 849 00:46:50,741 --> 00:46:54,913 LET'S THINK OF SOMETHING WE CAN ALL GIVE TO EACH OTHER. 850 00:46:57,082 --> 00:46:59,450 HOW ABOUT A FULL-BODY MASSAGE? 851 00:46:59,450 --> 00:47:02,420 UNCLE NICK! 852 00:47:02,420 --> 00:47:06,457 THE ISLANDS CAN BE VERY MAGICAL, FULL OF MANY GIFTS. 853 00:47:06,457 --> 00:47:10,028 ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS USE YOUR IMAGINATION. 854 00:47:10,028 --> 00:47:12,397 OH, DANG IT. I KNEW THERE WAS A CATCH. 855 00:47:12,397 --> 00:47:14,866 WHAT HAVE YOU ALWAYS WANTED, EDDIE? 856 00:47:14,866 --> 00:47:16,301 I DON'T KNOW. 857 00:47:16,301 --> 00:47:19,804 I GOT PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED -- 858 00:47:19,804 --> 00:47:23,474 A GOOD DOG, SIX KIDS. 859 00:47:26,644 --> 00:47:30,081 OH...DOTING WIFE WHO TAKES CARE OF MY EVERY NEED, 860 00:47:30,081 --> 00:47:31,816 IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 861 00:47:31,816 --> 00:47:32,850 [ CHUCKLING ] 862 00:47:32,850 --> 00:47:35,553 WE COULD GET A HOUSE, EDDIE. 863 00:47:35,553 --> 00:47:38,423 [ LAUGHING ] WHERE ARE WE GONNA GET A HOUSE? 864 00:47:38,423 --> 00:47:41,359 WE COULD BUILD IT WITH OUR HANDS. 865 00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:44,429 I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A VACATION. 866 00:47:44,429 --> 00:47:45,830 CATHERINE, NO, IT'S A GREAT IDEA. 867 00:47:45,830 --> 00:47:47,999 IT'LL BE FUN. 868 00:47:47,999 --> 00:47:51,636 IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME. 869 00:47:53,238 --> 00:47:55,673 WHO? 870 00:47:55,673 --> 00:47:58,143 WELL, SOMEONE TO RESCUE US. 871 00:47:59,978 --> 00:48:01,612 WON'T BE MUCH OF A HOUSE. 872 00:48:01,612 --> 00:48:03,114 BUT IT'LL BE OURS. 873 00:48:03,114 --> 00:48:07,285 REMEMBER, JESUS WAS BORN IN A STABLE. 874 00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:11,389 YEAH... 875 00:48:11,389 --> 00:48:14,392 YEAH. 876 00:48:14,392 --> 00:48:16,995 YEAH! 877 00:48:16,995 --> 00:48:20,331 WE'LL BUILD IT...HERE! 878 00:48:20,331 --> 00:48:22,333 AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WE NEED? 879 00:48:22,333 --> 00:48:25,270 A CHRISTMAS DINNER -- A REAL CHRISTMAS DINNER -- 880 00:48:25,270 --> 00:48:27,405 NOT THESE BANANAS OR TOOTSIE ROLLS 881 00:48:27,405 --> 00:48:30,541 OR NONE OF THAT THERE BANANA HELPER, NEITHER. 882 00:48:30,541 --> 00:48:32,944 NO, SIR! 883 00:48:32,944 --> 00:48:35,080 I'M GOING OUT AGAIN! 884 00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:36,982 WE'RE GONNA HAVE OURSELVES SOME MEAT! 885 00:48:36,982 --> 00:48:39,350 YAAHHH! 886 00:48:39,350 --> 00:48:41,486 [ BARKS ] 887 00:48:44,289 --> 00:48:46,291 GOOD LUCK! 888 00:49:00,671 --> 00:49:02,407 [ BARKS ] 889 00:49:05,843 --> 00:49:07,512 [ GRUNTS ] 890 00:49:07,512 --> 00:49:09,580 COME HERE! 891 00:49:09,580 --> 00:49:11,349 [ SQUEALING ] 892 00:49:26,597 --> 00:49:30,168 YEE-EEE-EEE-EEE! 893 00:49:33,438 --> 00:49:35,740 COME BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE BUGGER! 894 00:49:46,084 --> 00:49:47,752 [ GRUNTS ] 895 00:49:52,723 --> 00:49:55,093 [ PIG GROWLS ] 896 00:50:00,831 --> 00:50:03,168 SNOTS...KILL! 897 00:50:03,168 --> 00:50:05,370 KILL! KILL! 898 00:50:05,370 --> 00:50:08,773 WHERE YOU GOING, SNOTS?! COME BACK HERE! 899 00:50:08,773 --> 00:50:11,542 [ ROARS ] 900 00:50:26,857 --> 00:50:28,993 * O, TANNENBAUM * 901 00:50:28,993 --> 00:50:31,862 * O, TANNENBAUM * 902 00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:33,698 [ GROANS ] 903 00:50:33,698 --> 00:50:37,902 IT IS NOT A CHRISTMAS TREE, BUT IT'LL DO. 904 00:50:37,902 --> 00:50:39,704 IT'LL HAVE TO. 905 00:50:39,704 --> 00:50:43,974 OH, YOU KNOW, WE USED TO HAVE A BIG TREE EVERY CHRISTMAS 906 00:50:43,974 --> 00:50:45,343 WHEN I WAS A KID. 907 00:50:45,343 --> 00:50:48,146 OH, MY FATHER WOULD TAKE HOURS TO PICK IT OUT. 908 00:50:48,146 --> 00:50:51,549 HE SOMETIMES WOULD DO EVERYTHING BUT X-RAY IT. 909 00:50:51,549 --> 00:50:53,151 THEN HE'D TURN TO US AND SAY, 910 00:50:53,151 --> 00:50:56,887 "YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE BEST CHRISTMAS TREE IN KANSAS CITY. 911 00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:59,524 NO, IN THE WORLD." 912 00:50:59,524 --> 00:51:00,825 OH, GOSH. 913 00:51:00,825 --> 00:51:03,294 CHRISTMAS WITH DADDY. 914 00:51:03,294 --> 00:51:08,666 I GUESS DADS ARE ALL LIKE THAT AT CHRISTMAS. 915 00:51:08,666 --> 00:51:10,235 EVEN EDDIE. 916 00:51:11,236 --> 00:51:13,838 [ GROWLING ] 917 00:51:27,352 --> 00:51:29,654 THAT'S A GOOD PIGGY. 918 00:51:29,654 --> 00:51:31,589 THAT'S A GOOD PIGGY. 919 00:51:43,701 --> 00:51:46,737 AAAHHHH! 920 00:51:57,682 --> 00:52:00,451 [ WHISTLES ] 921 00:52:08,526 --> 00:52:10,695 OH, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL HERE. 922 00:52:10,695 --> 00:52:14,064 YEAH, IF ONLY IT HAD A SHOPPING MALL. 923 00:52:14,064 --> 00:52:17,202 THE HOUSE IS COMING ALONG GREAT, HUH? 924 00:52:17,202 --> 00:52:19,870 YEAH. IT'S A GREAT CHRISTMAS GIFT. 925 00:52:19,870 --> 00:52:20,905 LOOK AT HIM. 926 00:52:20,905 --> 00:52:22,373 IT'S A FUNNY THING, YOU KNOW? 927 00:52:22,373 --> 00:52:24,275 HERE WE ARE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE, 928 00:52:24,275 --> 00:52:26,777 AND I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN EDDIE SO HAPPY. 929 00:52:26,777 --> 00:52:30,114 SOMETIMES A CRISIS BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN A PERSON. 930 00:52:30,114 --> 00:52:31,616 I MEAN, HE'S EVEN WORKING. 931 00:52:31,616 --> 00:52:34,319 [ "THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS" PLAYS ] 932 00:52:37,988 --> 00:52:39,056 HEY, DAD? 933 00:52:39,056 --> 00:52:40,325 DAD? DAD?! 934 00:52:40,325 --> 00:52:43,828 THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU. 935 00:52:43,828 --> 00:52:45,796 IT'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND. 936 00:52:45,796 --> 00:52:47,097 IS SHE PREGNANT? 937 00:52:47,097 --> 00:52:48,098 NO! 938 00:52:48,098 --> 00:52:49,367 OH. 939 00:52:49,367 --> 00:52:53,271 [ "THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS" CONTINUES ] 940 00:52:53,271 --> 00:52:54,839 IT'S JUST THAT... 941 00:52:54,839 --> 00:52:57,275 I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT... 942 00:52:57,275 --> 00:53:01,812 YOU WERE KIND OF, SORT OF... 943 00:53:02,813 --> 00:53:04,449 GAY? 944 00:53:04,449 --> 00:53:05,350 NO! 945 00:53:05,350 --> 00:53:08,753 JUST THE BOTTOM OF THE FOOD CHAIN. 946 00:53:10,255 --> 00:53:11,989 WELL, I WAS WRONG. 947 00:53:11,989 --> 00:53:17,695 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, LIKE YOU NEVER WORKED MUCH, AND... 948 00:53:17,695 --> 00:53:22,099 MOM TOOK CARE OF THE KIDS AND COOKED AND CLEANED 949 00:53:22,099 --> 00:53:23,801 AND WORKED THREE JOBS. 950 00:53:23,801 --> 00:53:27,572 AND THEN, YOU KNOW, THE BANK FORECLOSED ON THE HOUSE, 951 00:53:27,572 --> 00:53:30,140 AND THE REPO PEOPLE TOOK THE R.V. 952 00:53:30,140 --> 00:53:32,343 OH, YEAH. 953 00:53:32,343 --> 00:53:36,281 I LOVED THAT R.V. 954 00:53:36,281 --> 00:53:39,083 [ Sobbing ] THAT R.V. 955 00:53:39,083 --> 00:53:42,353 AND HERE WE ARE ON A DESERT ISLAND, WHO KNOWS WHERE? 956 00:53:42,353 --> 00:53:45,155 AND HE GOES OUT AND KILLS WITH HIS BARE HANDS 957 00:53:45,155 --> 00:53:46,591 TO FEED HIS FAMILY. 958 00:53:46,591 --> 00:53:49,460 I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM TAKING ON THAT HUGE ANIMAL 959 00:53:49,460 --> 00:53:51,729 AND BEATING HIM IN A FAIR FIGHT? 960 00:53:51,729 --> 00:53:53,264 I KNOW! 961 00:53:53,264 --> 00:53:55,266 GOD, HE WAS LIKE A CAVEMAN 962 00:53:55,266 --> 00:53:57,535 OR A GLADIATOR OR SOMETHING. 963 00:53:57,535 --> 00:53:59,637 YEAH. 964 00:54:04,074 --> 00:54:07,878 WELL, ANYWAY, I WAS WRONG. 965 00:54:07,878 --> 00:54:10,815 NO, YOU WERE RIGHT. 966 00:54:10,815 --> 00:54:13,351 I'M JUST NO GOOD. 967 00:54:13,351 --> 00:54:16,354 RIGHT, YOU KNOW, NORMALLY. 968 00:54:16,354 --> 00:54:19,924 BUT HERE, ON THIS ISLAND... 969 00:54:19,924 --> 00:54:21,959 YOU'VE BEEN GREAT. 970 00:54:25,496 --> 00:54:28,198 DO YOU MEAN THAT? 971 00:54:28,198 --> 00:54:29,867 YEAH. 972 00:54:29,867 --> 00:54:35,973 OH, BOY, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD THAT MAKES ME FEEL. 973 00:54:35,973 --> 00:54:37,642 FROM NOW ON... 974 00:54:37,642 --> 00:54:42,713 [ LAUGHS ] I'VE GOT NO PLACE TO GO BUT UP! 975 00:54:46,884 --> 00:54:47,918 [ TELEPHONE RINGS ] 976 00:54:47,918 --> 00:54:49,387 Hi, it's Audrey Griswold. 977 00:54:49,387 --> 00:54:52,056 Leave a message and Merry Christmas. 978 00:54:52,056 --> 00:54:54,158 [ BEEPS ] 979 00:54:54,158 --> 00:54:55,826 Man: Ever-Ready Plumbing here. 980 00:54:55,826 --> 00:54:57,127 We got your message, 981 00:54:57,127 --> 00:54:59,330 and we'll have a man out to your house within 30 days. 982 00:54:59,330 --> 00:55:01,699 Merry Christmas! 983 00:55:07,204 --> 00:55:11,275 MERRY CHRISTMAS MORNING, EVERYBODY! 984 00:55:11,275 --> 00:55:12,943 [ CHUCKLES ] 985 00:55:22,620 --> 00:55:25,890 MERRY CHRISTMAS MORNING! 986 00:55:25,890 --> 00:55:27,492 [ CHUCKLES ] YEAH. 987 00:55:27,492 --> 00:55:29,860 COME HERE, YOU! MERRY CHRISTMAS! 988 00:55:29,860 --> 00:55:31,161 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 989 00:55:31,161 --> 00:55:33,163 OH! 990 00:55:33,163 --> 00:55:34,532 MERRY CHRISTMAS, MILWAUKEE. 991 00:55:34,532 --> 00:55:38,836 AND HERE'S... MR. CHRISTMAS HIMSELF. 992 00:55:38,836 --> 00:55:41,105 IT'S ST. NICK. 993 00:55:41,105 --> 00:55:44,041 HO, HO, HO! 994 00:55:44,041 --> 00:55:45,443 WHOO! 995 00:55:48,513 --> 00:55:51,482 MERRY CHRISTMAS, AUDREY. THIS IS FROM EDDIE. 996 00:55:51,482 --> 00:55:53,484 WOW, EDDIE. THIS IS GREAT! 997 00:55:53,484 --> 00:55:56,053 LIPSTICK -- IT'S MY FAVORITE COLOR. 998 00:55:56,053 --> 00:55:57,121 WHERE DID YOU GET IT? 999 00:55:57,121 --> 00:56:00,425 FOUND IT IN YOUR PURSE. 1000 00:56:00,425 --> 00:56:03,260 THIS IS FROM THIRD. 1001 00:56:03,260 --> 00:56:05,095 OH, THIRD! 1002 00:56:05,095 --> 00:56:07,398 MY GOSH, LOOK AT THAT. 1003 00:56:07,398 --> 00:56:09,900 THAT'S A -- THAT'S A DELUXE SPEAR. 1004 00:56:09,900 --> 00:56:13,237 IT'S AN AERODYNAMICALLY CORRECT SPEAR, DAD. 1005 00:56:13,237 --> 00:56:14,405 SEE THOSE FINS? 1006 00:56:14,405 --> 00:56:16,907 THOSE ARE FOR THROWING ACCURATELY. 1007 00:56:16,907 --> 00:56:18,843 LOOKS LIKE A ONE-WAY STREET SIGN. 1008 00:56:18,843 --> 00:56:22,413 WELL, LET'S TAKE IT FOR A LITTLE TEST DRIVE, SHALL WE? 1009 00:56:22,413 --> 00:56:23,914 STAY CLEAR! 1010 00:56:26,383 --> 00:56:28,686 [ ANIMAL TRUMPETS ] 1011 00:56:31,221 --> 00:56:36,226 OKAY, NOW LET'S SING A FEW CHRISTMAS SONGS, HUH? 1012 00:56:36,226 --> 00:56:37,562 [ CHUCKLES ] 1013 00:56:37,562 --> 00:56:39,964 OH, LET'S SEE. 1014 00:56:39,964 --> 00:56:43,668 * HARK, THE HERALD ANGELS SING * 1015 00:56:43,668 --> 00:56:47,037 * GLORY TO THE NEWBORN KING * 1016 00:56:47,037 --> 00:56:50,541 * PEACE ON EARTH AND MERCY MILD * 1017 00:56:50,541 --> 00:56:53,978 * GOD AND SINNERS RECONCILED * 1018 00:56:53,978 --> 00:56:57,682 * JOYFUL, ALL YE NATIONS RISE * 1019 00:56:57,682 --> 00:57:01,118 * JOIN THE TRIUMPH OF THE SKIES * 1020 00:57:01,118 --> 00:57:04,955 * WITH THE ANGELIC HOST PROCLAIM * 1021 00:57:04,955 --> 00:57:08,859 * CHRIST IS BORN IN BETHLEHEM * 1022 00:57:08,859 --> 00:57:13,430 * HARK, THE HERALD ANGELS SING * 1023 00:57:13,430 --> 00:57:19,904 * GLORY TO THE NEWBORN KING * 1024 00:57:25,610 --> 00:57:28,513 HEY, I GOT ANOTHER SURPRISE FOR US HERE. 1025 00:57:28,513 --> 00:57:30,881 A LITTLE HOMEMADE HOME CONCOCTION 1026 00:57:30,881 --> 00:57:34,118 THAT MY DADDY USED TO MAKE, 1027 00:57:34,118 --> 00:57:36,120 ONLY HE HAD A STILL AND SOLD IT TO THE NEIGHBORS, 1028 00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:38,255 BUT IT KEPT US GOING THROUGH THE LEAN TIMES 1029 00:57:38,255 --> 00:57:40,858 UNTIL HE GOT CAUGHT AND WOUND UP DOING THREE TO FIVE. 1030 00:57:40,858 --> 00:57:43,528 BUT HERE'S A LITTLE TASTE FOR EVERYBODY. 1031 00:57:43,528 --> 00:57:45,663 OKAY, ALL RIGHT! HERE GOES. 1032 00:57:48,899 --> 00:57:50,501 WHOO! 1033 00:57:50,501 --> 00:57:52,469 WOW, THAT'S GOT A KICK. WHAT IS IN THAT? 1034 00:57:52,469 --> 00:57:55,105 WELL, IT'S GOT THREE PARTS COCONUT MILK, 1035 00:57:55,105 --> 00:57:56,340 TWO PARTS BUG JUICE, 1036 00:57:56,340 --> 00:57:59,577 SIX PARTS BOURBON AND A LITTLE BANANA PEEL FOR TEXTURE 1037 00:57:59,577 --> 00:58:01,111 AND A TOOTSIE ROLL. 1038 00:58:01,111 --> 00:58:02,947 OH, AND SOME SUNSCREEN. 1039 00:58:08,886 --> 00:58:12,222 LORD, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR KEEPING US HEALTHY AND, 1040 00:58:12,222 --> 00:58:17,161 PARTICULARLY, ALIVE DURING THIS WHOLE SHIPWRECK DEAL. 1041 00:58:17,161 --> 00:58:21,365 BUT MOST OF ALL, LORD, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THIS HOUSE. 1042 00:58:21,365 --> 00:58:23,768 OH, IT'S A GOOD HOUSE, LORD. 1043 00:58:23,768 --> 00:58:27,071 IT'S PROBABLY THE FIRST HOUSE WE EVER HAD 1044 00:58:27,071 --> 00:58:30,541 WHERE WE DIDN'T OWE A MORTGAGE OR TAXES. 1045 00:58:30,541 --> 00:58:32,843 AND MAYBE THE ONLY HOUSE WE'LL EVER HAVE 1046 00:58:32,843 --> 00:58:35,045 WHERE THE BANK WON'T FORECLOSE ON IT. 1047 00:58:35,045 --> 00:58:37,848 OH, IT'S NOT AS NICE AS AUDREY'S HOUSE, 1048 00:58:37,848 --> 00:58:40,284 BUT IT'S A FINE HOUSE, LORD. 1049 00:58:40,284 --> 00:58:44,722 AND I WANT YOU TO PLEASE JUST FIND IT TO FORGIVE ME, LORD, 1050 00:58:44,722 --> 00:58:50,661 FOR LOSING THE R.V. AND THE DIRT FARM, LORD, 1051 00:58:50,661 --> 00:58:52,830 AND THE WAY I SEE IT, LORD -- 1052 00:58:52,830 --> 00:58:54,599 CAN I SAY SOMETHING? 1053 00:58:56,433 --> 00:59:00,871 EXCUSE ME, LORD. 1054 00:59:00,871 --> 00:59:02,740 YEAH? 1055 00:59:02,740 --> 00:59:04,541 WHAT'S IN THE COCONUT? 1056 00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:07,812 ANOTHER TROPICAL SURPRISE. 1057 00:59:07,812 --> 00:59:11,548 CAN WE DRINK THE SURPRISE FIRST AND THEN BUST THE COCONUT? 1058 00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:13,217 NO. 1059 00:59:13,217 --> 00:59:14,985 WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT. 1060 00:59:14,985 --> 00:59:17,922 ANYWAY, LORD, BE IT EVER SO HUMBLE, 1061 00:59:17,922 --> 00:59:21,191 THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE THIS HERE HOUSE. 1062 00:59:21,191 --> 00:59:22,827 OH! AMEN. 1063 00:59:22,827 --> 00:59:26,063 * HAPPINESS FOREVER * * AMEN * 1064 00:59:26,063 --> 00:59:29,366 * AMEN * * AMEN * 1065 00:59:29,366 --> 00:59:31,736 * AMEN * * AMEN * 1066 00:59:31,736 --> 00:59:38,008 * AMEN * 1067 00:59:41,712 --> 00:59:44,448 WHOO! WHOO! 1068 00:59:44,448 --> 00:59:45,582 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 1069 00:59:45,582 --> 00:59:48,218 OH, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU! 1070 00:59:52,456 --> 00:59:54,491 AH-AH-AH! 1071 00:59:54,491 --> 00:59:57,795 OH, EDDIE! [ LAUGHS ] 1072 01:00:00,264 --> 01:00:03,600 PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN! 1073 01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,002 YOU DID IT, DAD. 1074 01:00:05,002 --> 01:00:08,538 YOU KILLED A BOAR AND BUILT OUR OWN DAMN HOUSE. 1075 01:00:08,538 --> 01:00:10,808 WATCH YOUR MOUTH, THIRD. 1076 01:00:14,144 --> 01:00:16,847 [ CREAKING ] 1077 01:00:37,334 --> 01:00:41,038 WELL...WE'VE LEARNED SOMETHING HERE TODAY. 1078 01:00:41,038 --> 01:00:44,709 WE DEFINITELY HAVE TO MAKE IT MORE SECURE. 1079 01:00:44,709 --> 01:00:46,677 LET'S EAT. 1080 01:01:09,133 --> 01:01:11,836 [ SNORES ] 1081 01:01:14,471 --> 01:01:15,906 [ Thinking ] Catherine: EDDIE? 1082 01:01:15,906 --> 01:01:18,042 EDDIE, YOU'RE SO BRAVE, 1083 01:01:18,042 --> 01:01:21,378 AND YOU HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR. 1084 01:01:21,378 --> 01:01:25,783 [ Echoing ] YOU'RE MY HERO...HERO...HERO...HERO. 1085 01:01:25,783 --> 01:01:28,052 [ SILENT MOVIE PIANO PLAYS ] 1086 01:01:38,562 --> 01:01:39,964 [ NO AUDIO ] 1087 01:02:02,419 --> 01:02:04,822 [ SCREECHES ] 1088 01:02:04,822 --> 01:02:07,591 [ SCREAMS ] 1089 01:02:07,591 --> 01:02:09,159 [ WHIMPERS ] 1090 01:02:16,700 --> 01:02:18,435 [ BARKS ] 1091 01:02:36,620 --> 01:02:38,322 AHA! WHOO! 1092 01:02:38,322 --> 01:02:43,828 HEY, EVERYBODY! I SAW AN AIRPLANE! 1093 01:02:43,828 --> 01:02:45,762 [ LAUGHS ] 1094 01:02:45,762 --> 01:02:46,897 HEY! 1095 01:02:46,897 --> 01:02:50,434 IT'S A PLANE -- A PLANE! 1096 01:02:50,434 --> 01:02:52,269 AND HE SEES US. 1097 01:02:52,269 --> 01:02:53,570 IT'S JACK. 1098 01:02:53,570 --> 01:02:56,941 IT'S MELBOURNE JACK MALTBY. 1099 01:02:56,941 --> 01:03:02,379 WE'RE SAVED...WE'RE SAVED... WE'RE SAVED! OVER HERE! 1100 01:03:02,379 --> 01:03:04,014 UNCLE NICK, WAKE UP. 1101 01:03:04,014 --> 01:03:06,583 WE'RE RESCUED! WE'RE SAVED! 1102 01:03:06,583 --> 01:03:10,554 SAVED? FROM WHAT? 1103 01:03:15,359 --> 01:03:17,895 DOWN HERE! 1104 01:03:17,895 --> 01:03:23,067 JACK! IT'S ME...AUDREY! 1105 01:03:32,977 --> 01:03:35,579 THEY'VE HAD SEARCH PARTIES ALL OVER THE SOUTH PACIFIC 1106 01:03:35,579 --> 01:03:36,813 LOOKING FOR YOU AND THAT BOAT. 1107 01:03:36,813 --> 01:03:38,582 THEY FOUND THE BOAT 300 MILES FROM HERE. 1108 01:03:38,582 --> 01:03:41,785 OH, YOU'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR ME THIS WHOLE TIME? 1109 01:03:41,785 --> 01:03:43,954 YOU'RE A HERO! WELL, YOU FOUND ME. 1110 01:03:43,954 --> 01:03:46,490 YOU DID SAY YOU WEREN'T MARRIED. 1111 01:03:46,490 --> 01:03:49,193 ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST FLYING OVER TO CHECK OUT A HOTEL I OWN 1112 01:03:49,193 --> 01:03:51,095 ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ISLAND, 1113 01:03:51,095 --> 01:03:52,997 WHEN I SAW EDDIE OUT THERE ON THE CLIFF. 1114 01:03:52,997 --> 01:03:55,599 PROBABLY NOBODY THOUGHT OF LOOKING FOR YOU HERE. 1115 01:03:55,599 --> 01:03:56,867 WELL, IT'S ONLY 10 MILES. 1116 01:03:56,867 --> 01:03:59,003 YOU COULD HAVE WALKED TO MY HOTEL. 1117 01:04:01,906 --> 01:04:07,244 WELL, I...GUESS WE BETTER PACK UP AND GET OUT OF HERE THEN. 1118 01:04:07,244 --> 01:04:11,982 MAN, I GOT ALL EXCITED WHEN I FIRST SAW THE PLANE, BUT... 1119 01:04:11,982 --> 01:04:14,751 I'M REALLY GONNA MISS THIS PLACE. 1120 01:04:14,751 --> 01:04:19,389 THIS WAS THE BEST VACATION THIS FAMILY HAS EVER HAD. 1121 01:04:19,389 --> 01:04:20,891 OH, WELL. 1122 01:04:20,891 --> 01:04:22,859 IT WAS GREAT, BUT IT WILL BE GOOD 1123 01:04:22,859 --> 01:04:24,761 TO GET BACK TO CIVILIZATION. 1124 01:04:24,761 --> 01:04:27,164 NAH, CIVILIZATION. 1125 01:04:27,164 --> 01:04:28,298 PEOPLE LIKE TO LIVE IN CROWDS 1126 01:04:28,298 --> 01:04:29,566 'CAUSE THEY DON'T TRUST EACH OTHER. 1127 01:04:29,566 --> 01:04:30,734 OH, I DON'T KNOW. 1128 01:04:30,734 --> 01:04:33,770 THERE'S SOME GOOD THINGS TO SAY ABOUT CIVILIZATION. 1129 01:04:33,770 --> 01:04:35,439 NAME ONE. 1130 01:04:35,439 --> 01:04:40,110 MASSAGES, MANICURES, FROZEN ARTICHOKES, 1131 01:04:40,110 --> 01:04:42,646 HOT TUBS, CHAMPAGNE. 1132 01:04:42,646 --> 01:04:45,015 I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING. 1133 01:04:45,015 --> 01:04:47,817 I'M GONNA MISS NOT HAVING A LOT OF THINGS. 1134 01:04:47,817 --> 01:04:50,454 IT'S BEEN GREAT WITHOUT TELEPHONES 1135 01:04:50,454 --> 01:04:53,523 AND PEOPLE YOU NEVER EVEN MET CALLING, 1136 01:04:53,523 --> 01:04:57,327 TRYING TO SELL YOU THINGS YOU DON'T EVEN NEED. 1137 01:04:57,327 --> 01:05:01,631 AND RAP MUSIC ON BEER COMMERCIALS, AND JUNK MAIL? 1138 01:05:01,631 --> 01:05:02,832 NYAH! 1139 01:05:02,832 --> 01:05:07,071 I'M GONNA MISS US ALL BEING SO TOGETHER, 1140 01:05:07,071 --> 01:05:10,941 THE WAY EVERYBODY CHIPPED IN AND WORKED. 1141 01:05:10,941 --> 01:05:12,542 IT WAS A CHRISTMAS THING. 1142 01:05:12,542 --> 01:05:14,078 I SAW AN AIRPLANE! 1143 01:05:14,078 --> 01:05:16,813 I SAW AN AIRPLANE! 1144 01:05:16,813 --> 01:05:18,882 WE'RE SAVED! AH-HA-HA-HA! 1145 01:05:18,882 --> 01:05:22,352 WE'RE SAVED! AH-HA-HA! 1146 01:05:22,352 --> 01:05:26,756 I SAW A PLANE! AH-HA! AH-- 1147 01:05:26,756 --> 01:05:28,192 JACK! 1148 01:05:29,226 --> 01:05:31,595 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 1149 01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:38,902 AHA-HA! 1150 01:05:38,902 --> 01:05:41,838 MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS! 1151 01:05:41,838 --> 01:05:43,573 AH-HA-HA! 1152 01:05:43,573 --> 01:05:46,243 THIS WAS THE BEST CHRISTMAS I'VE EVER HAD. 1153 01:05:46,243 --> 01:05:49,146 IT WAS FUN BEING A PART OF YOUR FAMILY HERE ON... 1154 01:05:49,146 --> 01:05:50,647 WHAT IS THE NAME OF THIS ISLAND? 1155 01:05:50,647 --> 01:05:53,517 WELL, IT WAS NAMED AFTER KING HALEEHOWKEE, 1156 01:05:53,517 --> 01:05:54,618 BUT YOU CAN CHANGE IT. 1157 01:05:54,618 --> 01:05:55,919 HE WAS A HEADHUNTER. 1158 01:05:55,919 --> 01:05:56,987 OOH. 1159 01:05:56,987 --> 01:06:00,490 I SAY WE RENAME IT EDDIE ISLAND, 1160 01:06:00,490 --> 01:06:02,926 IN HONOR OF THE MAN WHO KILLED THE BOAR. 1161 01:06:02,926 --> 01:06:05,629 OH! 1162 01:06:07,464 --> 01:06:09,866 WHAT BUSINESS DID YOU SAY YOU WERE IN? 1163 01:06:09,866 --> 01:06:11,468 I WAS IN NUCLEAR RESEARCH. 1164 01:06:11,468 --> 01:06:12,769 YOU'RE KIDDING. 1165 01:06:12,769 --> 01:06:15,072 NO, NO. NUCLEAR RESEARCH. 1166 01:06:15,072 --> 01:06:16,873 BUT THEN I GOT LAID OFF, 1167 01:06:16,873 --> 01:06:19,943 BUT THEN 'CAUSE I GOT BIT ON THE ASS, 1168 01:06:19,943 --> 01:06:22,412 THEY GIVE ME THIS HERE CHRISTMAS VACATION. 1169 01:06:22,412 --> 01:06:24,948 YOU GOT LAID OFF. DID THE COMPANY DOWNSIZE? 1170 01:06:24,948 --> 01:06:28,818 YEAH, WELL, THE OTHER GUY -- HE WAS A LOT SMALLER THAN I WAS. 1171 01:06:28,818 --> 01:06:30,187 I WAS BETTER AT THE JOB. 1172 01:06:30,187 --> 01:06:32,422 JACK'S INCREDIBLE, ISN'T HE? 1173 01:06:32,422 --> 01:06:34,024 YEAH, HE'S A REALLY GREAT GUY. 1174 01:06:34,024 --> 01:06:36,293 HE'S SO...MATURE. 1175 01:06:36,293 --> 01:06:39,163 BIG DEAL! UNCLE NICK'S MATURE. 1176 01:06:41,298 --> 01:06:44,634 OH, THIS IS LIABLE TO ROLL DOWN THE HILL 1177 01:06:44,634 --> 01:06:47,271 AND KILL A LITTLE PIG OR SOMETHING. 1178 01:06:47,271 --> 01:06:48,605 I BETTER MOVE THIS. 1179 01:06:50,006 --> 01:06:52,076 HOLD IT. YOU'RE GONNA BUST YOUR ROLLERS TRYING TO MOVE THAT. 1180 01:06:52,076 --> 01:06:53,177 LET ME HELP YOU. 1181 01:06:53,177 --> 01:06:56,646 ALL RIGHT. PUT IT OVER THERE. 1182 01:06:56,646 --> 01:06:58,648 [ Grunting ] WHERE? 1183 01:06:58,648 --> 01:07:00,650 OVER THERE. 1184 01:07:00,650 --> 01:07:03,420 OH! OH-OH! OH! 1185 01:07:03,420 --> 01:07:05,021 [ GAGGING ] 1186 01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:08,225 LET GO! YOU'RE CHOKING ME! 1187 01:07:08,225 --> 01:07:11,495 WHAT? LET GO! 1188 01:07:11,495 --> 01:07:12,296 ALL RIGHT. 1189 01:07:12,296 --> 01:07:16,233 AAH! AAAHH-AAHHH-AAHHH! 1190 01:07:16,233 --> 01:07:17,867 AAH-AAHHH! 1191 01:07:17,867 --> 01:07:19,836 [ THUD ] 1192 01:07:19,836 --> 01:07:21,638 JACK? 1193 01:07:24,474 --> 01:07:25,742 I'M ALL RIGHT. 1194 01:07:25,742 --> 01:07:28,312 NO, NO, NO, JACK. YOU TOOK A TERRIBLE FALL. 1195 01:07:28,312 --> 01:07:29,879 YOU NEED REST AND CARE. 1196 01:07:29,879 --> 01:07:33,016 I'M FINE. 1197 01:07:33,016 --> 01:07:35,585 OH! 1198 01:07:35,585 --> 01:07:37,421 I WOULDN'T BE GOING INTO A CAREER IN THE MOVING BUSINESS 1199 01:07:37,421 --> 01:07:39,856 ANY TIME TOO SOON IF I WERE YOU, MATE. 1200 01:07:39,856 --> 01:07:41,191 [ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ] 1201 01:07:41,191 --> 01:07:43,160 [ CHUCKLES ] 1202 01:07:47,697 --> 01:07:50,234 YOU ALL READY TO FLY? 1203 01:07:59,276 --> 01:08:02,246 [ EDDIE LAUGHING ] 1204 01:08:09,186 --> 01:08:12,456 OH, I'M GONNA REALLY MISS THE OLD HOMESTEAD. 1205 01:08:23,032 --> 01:08:25,101 JACK, YOU OKAY? 1206 01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:28,338 I'M OKAY. IT'S JUST A HEADACHE. 1207 01:08:28,338 --> 01:08:29,973 THERE ARE SOME ASPIRIN IN THE CABIN. 1208 01:08:29,973 --> 01:08:32,142 YEAH? 1209 01:08:34,811 --> 01:08:36,680 OH! 1210 01:08:40,016 --> 01:08:41,218 HIS HEAD HURTS. 1211 01:08:41,218 --> 01:08:42,419 OH, MY GOD. 1212 01:08:42,419 --> 01:08:44,454 OH, MY GOD, HE NEEDS ME! HE NEEDS ME! 1213 01:08:44,454 --> 01:08:47,924 NOW, NOW, HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT. 1214 01:08:47,924 --> 01:08:49,493 JUST A HEADACHE. 1215 01:08:55,799 --> 01:08:57,834 HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT. 1216 01:09:03,407 --> 01:09:09,112 MALUKA TOWER, MALUKA TOWER, THIS IS MIKE-808-MIKE. 1217 01:09:09,112 --> 01:09:10,414 MELBOURNE JACK HERE. 1218 01:09:10,414 --> 01:09:12,616 I'VE JUST PICKED UP SOME LOST SOULS 1219 01:09:12,616 --> 01:09:16,220 ON THE REAR END OF KING HALEEHOWKEE ISLAND. 1220 01:09:16,220 --> 01:09:17,687 EDDIE ISLAND! 1221 01:09:17,687 --> 01:09:21,090 OUR POSITION IS... 1222 01:09:21,090 --> 01:09:23,627 HELL, I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE. 1223 01:09:23,627 --> 01:09:24,628 [ SIGHS ] 1224 01:09:24,628 --> 01:09:27,764 I'M NOT TOO WELL, MY FRIEND. 1225 01:09:27,764 --> 01:09:30,267 I LIKE YOU, ED. 1226 01:09:30,267 --> 01:09:31,901 YOU'RE A GOOD MAN. 1227 01:09:31,901 --> 01:09:35,539 YOU'RE NOT THE BRIGHTEST BULB IN THE CHANDELIER, 1228 01:09:35,539 --> 01:09:37,507 BUT YOU'RE A GOOD MAN. 1229 01:09:43,112 --> 01:09:44,748 AAH! JACK! 1230 01:09:44,748 --> 01:09:46,416 Man: Mike-808-Mike. 1231 01:09:46,416 --> 01:09:49,519 Say again your position. Over. 1232 01:09:49,519 --> 01:09:51,120 HELP! 1233 01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:53,156 This is Maluka Tower. Merry Christmas. 1234 01:09:53,156 --> 01:09:54,758 Is that you, Jack? 1235 01:09:54,758 --> 01:09:55,859 NO, IT'S EDDIE. 1236 01:09:55,859 --> 01:10:00,029 JACK -- JACK, HE -- HE FAINTED, OR HE'S DEAD! 1237 01:10:00,029 --> 01:10:01,298 [ AUDREY SCREAMS ] 1238 01:10:01,298 --> 01:10:03,667 JACK, SNAP OUT OF IT! SNAP OUT OF IT! 1239 01:10:03,667 --> 01:10:06,169 OH, HE'S NOT DEAD. HE MOVED. 1240 01:10:06,169 --> 01:10:09,172 Well, okay, Eddie. Merry Christmas! 1241 01:10:09,172 --> 01:10:11,941 Can you fly a plane? 1242 01:10:11,941 --> 01:10:14,811 I'll take that as a no. 1243 01:10:17,013 --> 01:10:18,448 We got you on radar now. 1244 01:10:18,448 --> 01:10:21,285 You're heading right for Maluka Airport. 1245 01:10:21,285 --> 01:10:23,820 All you're gonna have to do is, well, land. 1246 01:10:23,820 --> 01:10:25,054 Nick: WE'RE GONNA DIE. 1247 01:10:25,054 --> 01:10:26,155 Now relax. 1248 01:10:26,155 --> 01:10:27,857 When we get you over the airport, 1249 01:10:27,857 --> 01:10:29,025 we're gonna talk you in. 1250 01:10:29,025 --> 01:10:31,060 And, Eddie? 1251 01:10:31,060 --> 01:10:32,329 [ Nervously ] YEAH? 1252 01:10:32,329 --> 01:10:33,697 We're gonna clear the area 1253 01:10:33,697 --> 01:10:35,865 of all incoming and outgoing flights. 1254 01:10:35,865 --> 01:10:39,303 Hell, all you're gonna have to worry about is to make 1255 01:10:39,303 --> 01:10:42,272 a nice, simple landing right there on the tarmac. 1256 01:10:42,272 --> 01:10:45,975 You'll go down gradually and just coast on in. 1257 01:10:45,975 --> 01:10:46,976 OKAY, OKAY. 1258 01:10:46,976 --> 01:10:48,111 DAD! 1259 01:10:48,111 --> 01:10:50,414 DAD, YOU CAN'T LAND ON THE TARMAC! 1260 01:10:50,414 --> 01:10:52,549 PROBABLY NOT, BUT I GOT TO TRY. 1261 01:10:52,549 --> 01:10:56,353 THIS IS A SEAPLANE, DAD! A SEAPLANE! 1262 01:10:56,353 --> 01:10:57,687 TOWER, TOWER! 1263 01:10:57,687 --> 01:11:01,291 MR. TOWER, THIS -- THIS IS A SEAPLANE! 1264 01:11:01,291 --> 01:11:03,126 Damn, forgot. Right. Shoot. 1265 01:11:03,126 --> 01:11:04,661 I'm getting so absentminded! 1266 01:11:04,661 --> 01:11:06,763 Good, good -- that's even easier. 1267 01:11:06,763 --> 01:11:10,500 You'll just land right there in the bay in front of the airport, 1268 01:11:10,500 --> 01:11:12,636 and we'll come on out and get you. 1269 01:11:12,636 --> 01:11:17,907 Now just sit back, stay on course, and relax. 1270 01:11:17,907 --> 01:11:19,543 No sweat. 1271 01:11:21,811 --> 01:11:23,847 HOW'S JACK? 1272 01:11:23,847 --> 01:11:27,183 AUDREY'S BREATHING INTO HIS MOUTH. 1273 01:11:27,183 --> 01:11:29,386 Okay, easy does it. 1274 01:11:29,386 --> 01:11:31,888 Loosen your clothing. 1275 01:11:31,888 --> 01:11:33,122 Good! 1276 01:11:33,122 --> 01:11:34,791 PLANES WILL NEVER REPLACE BOATS 1277 01:11:34,791 --> 01:11:37,461 AS A MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION. 1278 01:11:37,461 --> 01:11:39,763 PEOPLE LIKE TO STAY CLOSE TO TERRA FIRMA. 1279 01:11:39,763 --> 01:11:40,764 UNCLE NICK? 1280 01:11:40,764 --> 01:11:44,133 BOATS STILL SAIL ON WATER, NOT EARTH. 1281 01:11:44,133 --> 01:11:47,070 Okay, Eddie, we got you inside now. 1282 01:11:47,070 --> 01:11:48,738 THERE'S THE AIRPORT! 1283 01:11:48,738 --> 01:11:50,740 Now, here's what we want you to do. 1284 01:11:50,740 --> 01:11:52,141 We want you to look at the altimeter. 1285 01:11:52,141 --> 01:11:53,943 WHERE?! WHERE IS IT?! 1286 01:11:53,943 --> 01:11:55,044 All right, calm down now. 1287 01:11:55,044 --> 01:11:58,415 It's the gauge on the right side of the panel. 1288 01:11:58,415 --> 01:11:59,949 You're now at 2,000 feet. 1289 01:11:59,949 --> 01:12:04,320 I want you to turn the wheel very slowly to your left, 1290 01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:09,626 press it down gradually, very slowly. 1291 01:12:11,461 --> 01:12:13,730 AAH! AAH! AAH! 1292 01:12:13,730 --> 01:12:14,764 Eddie? 1293 01:12:14,764 --> 01:12:15,932 AAHHH! 1294 01:12:15,932 --> 01:12:18,368 Merry Christmas. 1295 01:12:18,368 --> 01:12:21,538 Up...up...up...pull it up! 1296 01:12:21,538 --> 01:12:23,673 Eddie, come on! 1297 01:12:23,673 --> 01:12:27,076 Oh, no! No! No, Eddie! 1298 01:12:28,945 --> 01:12:32,949 Okay, Eddie, we're gonna try it again. 1299 01:12:32,949 --> 01:12:34,183 Now slowly. 1300 01:12:34,183 --> 01:12:35,351 Slow down, Eddie! 1301 01:12:35,351 --> 01:12:37,387 Don't you know what "slow" means?! 1302 01:12:37,387 --> 01:12:38,622 EDDIE, YOU DAMN IDIOT! 1303 01:12:38,622 --> 01:12:40,824 DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT "SLOW" MEANS?! 1304 01:12:43,326 --> 01:12:45,629 MUKA... 1305 01:12:45,629 --> 01:12:50,033 IF WE DON'T DIE, WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND? 1306 01:12:50,033 --> 01:12:53,403 WELL, THANK YOU, THIRD. 1307 01:12:53,403 --> 01:12:55,905 I THINK YOU'RE TERRIFIC... 1308 01:12:55,905 --> 01:12:57,974 BUT I DON'T THINK YOU'RE QUITE GROWN-UP ENOUGH FOR ME. 1309 01:12:57,974 --> 01:13:00,777 I AM GROWN-UP! 1310 01:13:00,777 --> 01:13:02,712 I'VE EVEN SEEN A NAKED WOMAN. 1311 01:13:04,548 --> 01:13:07,884 ANYWAY, IF WE DON'T DIE, I'M GOING BACK TO MY HUSBAND. 1312 01:13:07,884 --> 01:13:09,419 YOUR HUSBAND? 1313 01:13:09,419 --> 01:13:11,788 YES, DANIEL. 1314 01:13:11,788 --> 01:13:13,723 HE LIVES IN INDIANAPOLIS. 1315 01:13:16,660 --> 01:13:19,963 Now let's...let's try again there, Eddie baby. 1316 01:13:19,963 --> 01:13:21,665 And, Eddie, you see that tall building 1317 01:13:21,665 --> 01:13:23,399 with the glass all around it? 1318 01:13:23,399 --> 01:13:24,601 Good. 1319 01:13:24,601 --> 01:13:27,671 Whatever you do, don't hit that building. 1320 01:13:27,671 --> 01:13:30,574 You see, that's the tower, Eddie, and that's -- 1321 01:13:30,574 --> 01:13:32,175 well, that's where I am. 1322 01:13:32,175 --> 01:13:33,577 Now what we're gonna do, 1323 01:13:33,577 --> 01:13:36,145 you're gonna turn the wheel slowly to the left again 1324 01:13:36,145 --> 01:13:38,482 and then press down. 1325 01:13:40,183 --> 01:13:43,319 No...no...no. 1326 01:13:43,319 --> 01:13:44,554 Oh, no! 1327 01:13:44,554 --> 01:13:46,590 No! No, Eddie! 1328 01:13:49,425 --> 01:13:52,529 [ Man screaming ] 1329 01:13:58,535 --> 01:14:00,637 DAD, IT'S JUST LIKE THE TIME 1330 01:14:00,637 --> 01:14:03,840 YOU DROVE THE R.V. OFF THE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN 1331 01:14:03,840 --> 01:14:07,911 AND BROKE YOUR LEG... ONLY MORE DANGEROUS. 1332 01:14:09,946 --> 01:14:12,982 IT'S MORE LIKE THE TIME THAT YOU WERE FISHING OFF THAT BRIDGE 1333 01:14:12,982 --> 01:14:15,619 AND REACHED DOWN TO TIE YOUR SHOELACES 1334 01:14:15,619 --> 01:14:17,320 AND FELL 50 FEET INTO THE WATER. 1335 01:14:17,320 --> 01:14:20,857 ONLY THIS TIME, WE COULD ALL DIE. 1336 01:14:22,792 --> 01:14:26,229 Third: YOU CAN DO IT, DAD. I KNOW YOU CAN. 1337 01:14:32,235 --> 01:14:34,103 [ NO AUDIO ] 1338 01:14:52,822 --> 01:14:54,490 [ CATHERINE SCREAMS ] 1339 01:15:09,606 --> 01:15:14,343 [ "JOY TO THE WORLD" PLAYS ] 1340 01:15:14,343 --> 01:15:16,846 [ LAUGHING ] 1341 01:15:23,186 --> 01:15:27,156 BINGO. 1342 01:15:34,163 --> 01:15:35,999 Anchor: AND MERRY CHRISTMAS, MALUKA. 1343 01:15:35,999 --> 01:15:38,367 NOW WE'VE ALL HEARD ABOUT THE SHIPWRECKED JOHNSONS. 1344 01:15:38,367 --> 01:15:40,904 AND HERE'S A HOLIDAY VIDEO FROM THEIR DAUGHTER, 1345 01:15:40,904 --> 01:15:42,205 WHO'S CURRENTLY APPEARING 1346 01:15:42,205 --> 01:15:44,340 AT THE BARE-BOTTOM CLUB IN LAS VEGAS. 1347 01:15:44,340 --> 01:15:47,844 [ "THE STRIPPER" PLAYS ] 1348 01:15:54,217 --> 01:15:55,251 OH, HO, HO! 1349 01:15:55,251 --> 01:15:58,287 OH, MERRY CHRISTMAS, THIRD. 1350 01:15:58,287 --> 01:15:59,856 HOW'S MY BOY? 1351 01:15:59,856 --> 01:16:03,092 AUNT JESSICA, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH. 1352 01:16:03,092 --> 01:16:06,229 YOU'RE NOT GONNA SHOW ME YOUR TRAVEL MOVIES, ARE YOU, THIRD? 1353 01:16:06,229 --> 01:16:07,530 LATER. 1354 01:16:07,530 --> 01:16:10,533 OKAY, SO, WHERE'S THAT OLD MAN OF MINE? 1355 01:16:10,533 --> 01:16:12,101 AND WHERE ARE YOUR FOLKS? 1356 01:16:12,101 --> 01:16:14,838 OH, WELL, MY MOM AND DAD AND COUSIN AUDREY 1357 01:16:14,838 --> 01:16:17,073 ARE VISITING A FRIEND IN THE HOSPITAL. 1358 01:16:17,073 --> 01:16:20,109 DAD DROPPED A ROCK ON HIM AND GAVE HIM A BRAIN CONCUSSION. 1359 01:16:20,109 --> 01:16:22,578 OH. OH, AND UNCLE NICK'S RESTING. 1360 01:16:22,578 --> 01:16:24,480 YOU GO UP AND TELL HIM I'M HERE. 1361 01:16:24,480 --> 01:16:27,583 IF I WALK IN ON HIM, HE'S LIABLE TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK. 1362 01:16:27,583 --> 01:16:28,885 SURE. 1363 01:16:33,156 --> 01:16:36,525 AUNT JESSICA, YOU DIDN'T, DID YOU? 1364 01:16:36,525 --> 01:16:38,995 [ CHUCKLES ] DON'T ASK. 1365 01:16:38,995 --> 01:16:41,164 Okay. 1366 01:16:43,867 --> 01:16:46,369 BOY, THAT JACK -- HE IS OKAY, ISN'T HE? 1367 01:16:46,369 --> 01:16:47,871 WHAT A GREAT GUY. 1368 01:16:47,871 --> 01:16:50,473 AND HE DIDN'T EVEN MENTION THAT I ALMOST KILLED HIM. 1369 01:16:50,473 --> 01:16:52,341 CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 1370 01:16:52,341 --> 01:16:54,644 HE'S MARRIED, FIVE KIDS. 1371 01:16:54,644 --> 01:16:58,882 I MEAN, MY GOD -- CAN'T ANY MAN BE TRUSTED? 1372 01:16:58,882 --> 01:17:02,418 HE WAS THE GREAT LOVE OF MY LIFE. 1373 01:17:02,418 --> 01:17:03,987 I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN. 1374 01:17:05,488 --> 01:17:07,156 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 1375 01:17:07,156 --> 01:17:08,825 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 1376 01:17:08,825 --> 01:17:10,559 IS HE ALL RIGHT? 1377 01:17:10,559 --> 01:17:14,530 IT'S MY HUSBAND -- NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. 1378 01:17:14,530 --> 01:17:16,700 OH. MERRY CHRISTMAS! 1379 01:17:18,735 --> 01:17:19,803 I'M SO SORRY. 1380 01:17:19,803 --> 01:17:22,205 HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN LIKE THIS? 1381 01:17:22,205 --> 01:17:23,439 SINCE THIS MORNING. 1382 01:17:23,439 --> 01:17:25,341 HE'S AN AIR-TRAFFIC CONTROLLER. 1383 01:17:30,013 --> 01:17:32,949 HEY, BUDDY. MERRY CHRISTMAS! 1384 01:17:34,517 --> 01:17:36,385 HEY, COME ON, BUDDY. SNAP OUT OF IT. 1385 01:17:36,385 --> 01:17:37,486 SNAP OUT OF IT! 1386 01:17:37,486 --> 01:17:39,522 AAH-AAH-AAAHHHH! 1387 01:17:39,522 --> 01:17:40,790 NO, EDDIE! AAH-AAH! 1388 01:17:40,790 --> 01:17:44,393 BLESS YOU! OH, THANK YOU! 1389 01:17:44,393 --> 01:17:46,595 YOU ARE A MIRACLE WORKER. 1390 01:17:46,595 --> 01:17:48,564 WELL... 1391 01:17:48,564 --> 01:17:52,435 COME ON, LET'S GET BACK TO THE MOTEL. 1392 01:17:52,435 --> 01:17:55,371 I MAY BECOME A NUN. 1393 01:17:59,442 --> 01:18:02,846 AUNT JESSICA... 1394 01:18:02,846 --> 01:18:05,648 SO YOU FINALLY GOT TIRED OF THAT YOUNG FELLOW, 1395 01:18:05,648 --> 01:18:09,452 AND YOU DECIDED TO COME CRAWLING BACK TO UNCLE NICK. 1396 01:18:09,452 --> 01:18:12,722 AND YOU'RE GONNA TAKE HER BACK, I SUPPOSE. 1397 01:18:12,722 --> 01:18:16,159 WELL, I HAVE SEEN IT ALL NOW. 1398 01:18:16,159 --> 01:18:19,829 ANYBODY WANTS ME, I'LL BE IN THE CAN. 1399 01:18:25,168 --> 01:18:28,304 I'M SORRY FOR THAT LITTLE UNPLEASANTNESS, DARLING. 1400 01:18:28,304 --> 01:18:33,542 THAT PIG SNOUT NEVER DID HAVE NO MANNERS. 1401 01:18:33,542 --> 01:18:35,211 WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED MASSAGING ME, 1402 01:18:35,211 --> 01:18:38,447 GET YOUR BUTT INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX ME A DECENT DINNER. 1403 01:18:38,447 --> 01:18:42,385 I'VE BEEN EATING NOTHING BUT BURNT PIG AND BANANAS. 1404 01:18:47,323 --> 01:18:49,959 [ MAN SINGING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE ] 1405 01:19:02,205 --> 01:19:04,107 THEY'RE WAITING FOR YOU INSIDE, EDDIE. 1406 01:19:04,107 --> 01:19:07,643 OH, WELL, THANK YOU, MILWAUKEE. 1407 01:19:07,643 --> 01:19:09,445 HI, MUKA. 1408 01:19:09,445 --> 01:19:12,515 THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU. 1409 01:19:12,515 --> 01:19:18,554 YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY ABOUT ASKING YOU TO BE MY GIRL. 1410 01:19:18,554 --> 01:19:22,725 BUT...I'M ENGAGED. 1411 01:19:22,725 --> 01:19:25,328 OH. 1412 01:19:25,328 --> 01:19:30,333 SHE'S, UH, BEAUTIFUL. 1413 01:19:30,333 --> 01:19:31,700 [ SIGHS ] 1414 01:19:31,700 --> 01:19:35,271 WELL, IT'LL TAKE A WHILE TO GET OVER IT. 1415 01:19:35,271 --> 01:19:36,272 Yeah. 1416 01:19:39,408 --> 01:19:40,309 EDDIE! 1417 01:19:40,309 --> 01:19:44,447 EDDIE, EDDIE, EDDIE, EDDIE, EDDIE! 1418 01:19:44,447 --> 01:19:47,150 OH! 1419 01:19:47,150 --> 01:19:48,852 OH! 1420 01:19:48,852 --> 01:19:51,454 OH, PROFESSOR DOORNITZ! 1421 01:19:51,454 --> 01:19:54,423 [ BONES CRACK ] 1422 01:19:54,423 --> 01:19:55,925 WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU. 1423 01:19:55,925 --> 01:19:58,727 ALL THE NEWSPAPERS CARRIED YOUR STORY. 1424 01:19:58,727 --> 01:20:00,163 OH. 1425 01:20:00,163 --> 01:20:03,499 SHIPWRECKED... SWAM 30 MILES TO RESCUE YOUR FAMILY. 1426 01:20:03,499 --> 01:20:06,769 BUILT A 2-STORY HOUSE WITH YOUR OWN HANDS. 1427 01:20:06,769 --> 01:20:09,572 KILLED A WILD BOAR WITH MANICURE SCISSORS! 1428 01:20:09,572 --> 01:20:13,476 WELL... 1429 01:20:13,476 --> 01:20:15,278 [ ROY BLOWS RASPBERRIES ] 1430 01:20:17,646 --> 01:20:19,115 WHAT'S HE DOING HERE? 1431 01:20:19,115 --> 01:20:20,984 YOU'RE REPLACING HIM. 1432 01:20:20,984 --> 01:20:23,086 HE'S HERE ON VACATION. 1433 01:20:26,255 --> 01:20:27,823 OH, NO! 1434 01:20:27,823 --> 01:20:29,525 UNH-UNH. 1435 01:20:29,525 --> 01:20:31,827 I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE. 1436 01:20:31,827 --> 01:20:36,099 I GOT MYSELF A NEW JOB. 1437 01:20:40,336 --> 01:20:43,472 WELL, ROY, LOOKS LIKE THIS IS THE BEGINNING 1438 01:20:43,472 --> 01:20:45,408 OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP. 1439 01:20:48,878 --> 01:20:53,983 YEEEEE-HAAAA! [ SCREECHES ] 1440 01:20:53,983 --> 01:20:56,785 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. 1441 01:20:56,785 --> 01:20:59,322 CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org-- 1442 01:20:59,322 --> 01:21:00,990 * WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS * 1443 01:21:00,990 --> 01:21:03,292 * WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS * 1444 01:21:03,292 --> 01:21:07,964 * WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR *