1 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:03,768 MAN ON PA: Attention students. If Mr. Garamond's desk 2 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,270 is returned within 20 minutes, no questions will be asked. 3 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,938 I got an A-plus. 4 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,907 Cool. Do you think I should do purple streaks in my hair? 5 00:00:08,975 --> 00:00:10,642 No, no, you don't understand. 6 00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,011 I got an A-plus in economics. 7 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:16,047 I was within reach of a B-ish. Purple and red? 8 00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:18,116 I didn't even know you could get 105. 9 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:19,651 I'm more than perfect. 10 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,353 I don't really matter right now, do I? 11 00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:24,223 Oh, Adam! Hey! Hey. Hi. 12 00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:25,657 You're never gonna believe it. 13 00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:27,759 Guess what. I got an A-plus on my econs mid-term. 14 00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:28,893 No way. Yeah. 15 00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:30,111 I shot a moose in the cafeteria. 16 00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:31,212 I'm such a genius. 17 00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:32,714 Oh, and my mentor at the design studio 18 00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:35,017 wants me to help him out on his anti-drug ad. 19 00:00:35,085 --> 00:00:37,452 Me! An actual layout. How cool are we? 20 00:00:37,521 --> 00:00:40,138 I gotta run. I promised him I'd work up a rough design by 5:00. 21 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,240 Okay. Hey, Judith. 22 00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:42,908 Oh, am I here? 23 00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:47,779 Do you have any idea how insanely adorable you guys are? 24 00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,547 Mmm. It's noxious. Sorry. 25 00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:51,049 (CHUCKLING) Are you kidding? 26 00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:52,117 Maybe I can borrow him sometime. 27 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,285 You know, when you're not using him. 28 00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:54,686 I'd leave a deposit. 29 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,688 He doesn't even have time for me anymore. 30 00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,891 We're like yuppies, but without the money or the kids 31 00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:00,893 or the hypocritical drug position. 32 00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:03,929 I'm going to go hang out by the boys' locker room before gym. 33 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:08,433 A-plus. Way to go, Joan. 34 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:11,603 Thanks. You didn't, like, pull any strings for me, did you? 35 00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:14,606 It was all you. Feels good to do a good job, doesn't it? 36 00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:17,842 Yeah. Economics is so complicated, 37 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,744 but I just... I got it, you know? 38 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,746 Adam Smith, very cool dead guy. 39 00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:24,533 He says economies function best when based on self-interest. 40 00:01:24,601 --> 00:01:26,001 Kind of gives you a moral head-butt, huh? 41 00:01:26,069 --> 00:01:28,120 It's easy to establish economic principles on paper. 42 00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:30,321 Are you saying it was easy to write this essay? 43 00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:32,457 "In an economy run by self-interest, 44 00:01:32,525 --> 00:01:35,426 "the invisible hand of social justice will feed and clothe everyone." 45 00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:39,164 Look, she wrote "great" with two exclamation points and a happy face. 46 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,999 What are you going to do with all that knowledge? 47 00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:42,734 The trick is putting it into action. 48 00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:45,503 It's economics. What, do you want me to start my own country? 49 00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:48,106 Start a little closer to home. Maybe make sure 50 00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:50,508 everyone gets a piece of the pie! 51 00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:59,918 Way to make an A a bummer. God! 52 00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:03,288 We set up the church basement, so it looks like a real store, 53 00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:04,989 all the donated clothes hanging up, 54 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:07,258 except, of course, everything's free. 55 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,628 Charity compromises free market capitalism. 56 00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,630 Wealth of Nations, chapters two through four. 57 00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:14,366 How come I'm sensing this is gonna lead back to your A? 58 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:15,600 Plus. 59 00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,302 Well, if the free market works, 60 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:18,670 how come there are still families living on the street? 61 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:21,306 And how come the Bakers get to sue us? 62 00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:23,241 Maybe it's in wealthy people's best interest 63 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,410 to clean out their closets. 64 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,946 Oh, my God, of course. 65 00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:30,949 That way they have to buy more things and contribute to the economy, 66 00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:32,884 and people who don't have clothes get a job, 67 00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,586 and then they can afford to buy clothes for themselves. 68 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,755 Everybody gets a piece of the pie. 69 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,724 I'm in. I'll help with the drive. 70 00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:39,991 Seriously? 71 00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:41,660 Yes. Mom, it would be pretty silly of me 72 00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:44,963 to have all this knowledge and not use it for the benefit of society. 73 00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:55,073 What? 74 00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:08,269 Go on. 75 00:03:11,475 --> 00:03:12,640 (LILLY GRUNTING) 76 00:03:12,709 --> 00:03:13,808 Is that a sailor? 77 00:03:13,877 --> 00:03:15,710 Oh. Hot, huh? 78 00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:18,313 He, uh, waves when I flex. 79 00:03:18,382 --> 00:03:19,914 Mom, if a nun can get one... 80 00:03:19,983 --> 00:03:23,385 Ex-nun. Very ex. Sort. 81 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:26,554 Look, people have been doing body art for 4,000 years. 82 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:27,755 It's very spiritual. 83 00:03:27,824 --> 00:03:29,424 Oh, like how you're helping. 84 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:32,260 Oh! A belly ring. 85 00:03:32,329 --> 00:03:34,195 Sort. 86 00:03:34,264 --> 00:03:35,847 So, uh, what are you in for? 87 00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,548 She just wanted to volunteer. 88 00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:41,153 (LAUGHING) This isn't the community service part of some sentence? 89 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,588 I have skills in economic theory. 90 00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:44,990 I just finished Wealth of Nations. 91 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,893 You know Adam Smith, right? The sixth Beatle? 92 00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,895 No. Eighteenth century money stud. 93 00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,197 He, like, totally blew away Benjamin Franklin with this... 94 00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:55,100 Okay, okay. That reminds me why I hated school. 95 00:03:57,171 --> 00:03:59,370 Mom, is this all you've got? 96 00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:02,274 It's a small church. We can only do so much. 97 00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:06,477 You know, expansion increases returns. 98 00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:09,014 Why don't I open up a branch at school? 99 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,882 Do you think you'd really have time for that? 100 00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,784 Yeah, yeah, I'm-- I'm thinking a bin in the hallway, 101 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,820 you know, one in the cafeteria. 102 00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,621 Ooh, two by the gym. The cheerleaders never wear anything twice. 103 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,290 I'm gonna go talk to Chadwick. 104 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,091 Sure. 105 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,696 Has she ever been drug tested? 106 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,270 Beth. Hey. 107 00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:34,806 Kevin. Uh, Pete, Kevin Girardi. 108 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,208 We went to high school together. 109 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,492 He writes for the Herald. 110 00:04:37,561 --> 00:04:39,394 My client was nowhere near the scene of the crime. 111 00:04:39,463 --> 00:04:40,995 Knock off a bank? 112 00:04:41,064 --> 00:04:42,697 It's so embarrassing. 113 00:04:42,766 --> 00:04:44,733 Open container violation. 114 00:04:44,801 --> 00:04:46,685 I walked out of a party with a beer. 115 00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:48,186 That's not on the record, is it? 116 00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:51,056 I don't know. It's a pretty splashy headline. 117 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,058 "College student drinks beer." 118 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,592 Yeah, it could be my Pulitzer. 119 00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,494 (PAGER BEEPING) 120 00:04:56,563 --> 00:04:58,296 Uh, bail hearing. 121 00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:02,000 So, tonight. 9:00. Yes. 122 00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:03,735 Be there or I'll double my fees. 123 00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:07,105 (LAUGHS) 124 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,080 He does stand-up at the Laugh Riot. 125 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:18,483 I told him I'd check out his act. 126 00:05:18,551 --> 00:05:20,551 Remember the prom when I made you laugh so hard, 127 00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:24,122 Coke poured out of your nose like you were a soda fountain? 128 00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:27,492 (LAUGHING) Yes. You ruined my dress. 129 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,161 You said no one ever made you laugh like me. 130 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:37,869 (SIGHS) 131 00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:40,906 I--I'm late for poli-sci, 132 00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,740 but it was good to see you again. 133 00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:44,910 Say hi to your folks. 134 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:46,711 KEVIN: Sure. 135 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:50,415 Oh, and, uh, watch out for the long arm of the lawyer. 136 00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,750 See you later. 137 00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:08,767 Carlisle said you wanted to see me. 138 00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:10,452 Yeah, come on in. 139 00:06:11,355 --> 00:06:13,054 Sorry I was late. 140 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,623 I had a personal thing. 141 00:06:14,691 --> 00:06:16,041 I should have run it by you before... 142 00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:19,694 Relax, Will. That's an order. 143 00:06:19,763 --> 00:06:21,613 I know all about Kevin's lawsuit. 144 00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:23,681 Excuse me? 145 00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:25,717 It's my business to know about my people, 146 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,552 if it could affect job performance. 147 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,888 I, uh, had a meeting with our attorney. 148 00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,506 Next time I'll tell you first. I'm sorry. 149 00:06:31,574 --> 00:06:33,708 Hey, that's not what I meant. I... 150 00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:36,878 Look, if there's anything I can do to help... 151 00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:39,931 I can handle it by myself, thanks. 152 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:44,736 Will, I went through a nasty divorce. 153 00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:47,505 I know how important it is to have support at work. 154 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,508 You still wear your ring. 155 00:06:50,561 --> 00:06:51,927 Oh. 156 00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:55,296 (CHUCKLES) To fend off the guys at the supermarket. 157 00:06:55,365 --> 00:06:58,199 Have you ever been in the frozen food section at night? 158 00:06:58,268 --> 00:07:00,368 They should serve martinis. 159 00:07:03,740 --> 00:07:05,139 Thanks for your concern. 160 00:07:05,208 --> 00:07:06,575 No problem. 161 00:07:08,979 --> 00:07:10,411 You--You know, it's stupid. 162 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,747 We--We could have sued the kid who caused the accident, 163 00:07:12,816 --> 00:07:14,615 protected ourselves from all this. 164 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:15,916 Self defense. 165 00:07:15,985 --> 00:07:17,769 My wife didn't want to punish him, 166 00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:19,820 thought knowing what he'd done to Kevin was enough. 167 00:07:19,890 --> 00:07:22,123 Well, she sounds like an amazing woman. 168 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,243 She is. 169 00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:27,646 Maybe we could all get together sometime. 170 00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:50,935 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 171 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:19,998 Dude, it's like a pet cemetery in here. 172 00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:21,866 Lischak gave me the key. 173 00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:24,802 Science Student of the Year does have its privileges. 174 00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:27,489 This is so the beginning of a Stephen King novel. 175 00:08:27,557 --> 00:08:30,225 (LAUGHS) Where were you last night? 176 00:08:30,293 --> 00:08:32,059 I IMed you, like, a thousand times. 177 00:08:32,129 --> 00:08:34,229 Oh, my mom was in rare form. 178 00:08:34,297 --> 00:08:36,131 Doing her Judy Garland act. 179 00:08:36,199 --> 00:08:38,600 Lots of singing, lots of falling down, 180 00:08:38,668 --> 00:08:40,801 me putting her in the shower. 181 00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:43,254 Where was your dad? 182 00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:45,890 He works late so he doesn't have to deal. 183 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,458 It's their little unspoken bargain. 184 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:50,528 As long as she's sober at temple, runs her meetings, 185 00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:52,897 and has everybody snowed... 186 00:08:55,251 --> 00:08:57,786 Don't look all simpy. I'm used to it. 187 00:09:00,356 --> 00:09:01,690 Maybe you should talk to somebody. 188 00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:04,258 Why? I'm almost out of there. 189 00:09:04,327 --> 00:09:05,893 It's two more years. 190 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,862 That's-- That's 15% of your life so far. 191 00:09:07,931 --> 00:09:09,998 The test is on Thursday. Let's cram. 192 00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:17,122 Dark matter, black holes. Lay it on me. 193 00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,990 Their gravity is so strong 194 00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:21,259 that they pull in anything that gets close to them... 195 00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:24,195 You know, you don't have to be embarrassed to talk to me about this. 196 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,574 How's that for gravitational pull? 197 00:09:52,642 --> 00:09:54,842 Can you believe somebody actually bought these pants, 198 00:09:54,911 --> 00:09:56,678 (LAUGHS) like, on purpose? 199 00:09:56,746 --> 00:09:58,746 Soft, the fair Judith. 200 00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:03,067 Halfway through the fourth act, and it's all for you. 201 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:06,070 Come on. Look me in the eye and tell me you're not impressed. 202 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:14,011 You have really pretty eyes. 203 00:10:18,969 --> 00:10:20,602 Don't be sincere. 204 00:10:22,472 --> 00:10:24,672 In the words of the immortal bard, 205 00:10:24,741 --> 00:10:27,008 (IMITATING ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER) I'll be back. 206 00:10:29,178 --> 00:10:30,277 Wow. 207 00:10:31,147 --> 00:10:33,247 Persistent. I'll give him that. 208 00:10:33,316 --> 00:10:35,583 Mmm-hmm. Like a cold sore. 209 00:10:35,652 --> 00:10:37,418 This isn't bad for day one, huh? 210 00:10:40,490 --> 00:10:43,424 Holy crap. Look at this. 211 00:10:43,493 --> 00:10:46,260 Someone gave away an Italian leather coat. 212 00:10:46,329 --> 00:10:48,562 Feel it. Wow. 213 00:10:48,632 --> 00:10:50,999 Some homeless person's gonna get this? 214 00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,500 Man, I know a vintage store 215 00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:54,368 that would pay major dinero for it. 216 00:10:54,437 --> 00:10:58,239 We sell the coat and use the money to buy, like, five more for the homeless. 217 00:10:58,307 --> 00:11:00,808 I'm so going to wind up like a millionaire one day. 218 00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:03,077 (LAUGHING) Good plan. 219 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,113 Ooh! 220 00:11:06,516 --> 00:11:09,216 ♪ Sometimes the money don't come on time 221 00:11:09,285 --> 00:11:12,353 ♪ Sometimes the money just don't come 222 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:15,757 ♪ Sometimes the money don't come on time 223 00:11:15,825 --> 00:11:18,126 You know, Rudi's touchy. So let me do the talking. 224 00:11:18,194 --> 00:11:19,527 Where do you meet these people? 225 00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,263 Community service. Driving school. Group. 226 00:11:22,331 --> 00:11:23,898 I lose track. 227 00:11:25,702 --> 00:11:29,053 Judith, dear. How was Camp Bad Girl? 228 00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,755 Crazy Camp, this time. 229 00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,990 This is Joan. We brought treats. 230 00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:34,726 I trust they're not hot. 231 00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:37,011 That was a fluke, man. 232 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:40,098 These were her aunt's. She died last week. 233 00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,301 I lost an uncle last week. 234 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,186 I'll take good care of you, okay? 235 00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:47,588 Wow. 236 00:11:47,657 --> 00:11:50,257 Your aunt had good taste. 237 00:11:51,862 --> 00:11:53,260 Silk lining. 238 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:55,947 How's 30 bucks sound? 239 00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:59,133 Thirty bucks? For my aunt's coat? 240 00:11:59,201 --> 00:12:01,569 I have to make a living, too, dear. 241 00:12:02,539 --> 00:12:04,138 (GROANS) 242 00:12:04,206 --> 00:12:05,723 Hundred for everything. 243 00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:08,242 She used to read to me in this coat. 244 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,961 I won't take less than 150. 245 00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:13,897 ♪ What about my silver? 246 00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:16,150 ♪ Guess I should have something to show 247 00:12:16,219 --> 00:12:18,252 ♪ For being such a good consumer 248 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:22,140 Well, in honor of your aunt's memory. 249 00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:25,543 ♪ So if you're like me and it's been a struggle 250 00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:28,546 ♪ Your car's repo and the last fee's double 251 00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:31,549 ♪ It might be the right time for self-reflection ♪ 252 00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:39,424 ♪ Armageddon surfer girl rock on, rock on 253 00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:42,126 This is so out of the textbook. 254 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,462 We bought five coats from the army-navy, 255 00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,131 increasing the volume of people who got clothing. 256 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,734 And we wind up with 36 bucks left over. 257 00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:51,235 I'm loving the economy. 258 00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:52,337 (EXCLAIMS) 259 00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:53,571 I told you not to move. 260 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,739 Oh, my gosh. 261 00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,006 I mean, the money's the incentive 262 00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:57,942 that keeps us going, right? 263 00:12:58,010 --> 00:13:00,578 I mean, the people who run big charities get paid. 264 00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:04,916 So how does it look? 265 00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:06,350 So good. 266 00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,787 (GASPS) 267 00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:11,522 My mom would kill me. 268 00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:14,959 So? Who's helped more homeless people, you or her? 269 00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:18,896 No way. 270 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,666 You deserve this. 271 00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:24,885 ♪ Armageddon surfer girl rock all night 272 00:13:24,954 --> 00:13:27,655 I didn't realize it was gonna itch this much. 273 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:28,990 (EXCLAIMS) 274 00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:30,725 Belly shirts. 275 00:13:30,793 --> 00:13:31,926 Gotta show off the pain. 276 00:13:31,995 --> 00:13:33,894 Let me surprise you. 277 00:13:33,963 --> 00:13:35,830 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 278 00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:37,932 Ooh. 279 00:13:40,469 --> 00:13:44,021 So you've really become quite an entrepreneur, Joan. 280 00:13:44,790 --> 00:13:46,624 Five coats for one. 281 00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:48,359 That's four more homeless people that will be warm now. 282 00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:49,794 Very impressive. 283 00:13:49,862 --> 00:13:51,529 Yeah, what I did... 284 00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:54,898 It makes me feel powerful. 285 00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:56,066 Hmm. 286 00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:57,718 Money can do that to people. 287 00:13:57,787 --> 00:14:01,155 Oh! These are sweet. 288 00:14:01,224 --> 00:14:04,408 Don't put your fingers on the lenses. 289 00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:07,344 Ninety-five dollars? Who has that kind of money for sunglasses? 290 00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:09,446 To some people, that's not much at all. 291 00:14:11,233 --> 00:14:12,667 More. 292 00:14:12,735 --> 00:14:14,635 You want me to do more, right? 293 00:14:14,704 --> 00:14:16,904 If there's no growth, then the economy goes into decline. 294 00:14:16,973 --> 00:14:18,272 Decline means more cold people. 295 00:14:18,341 --> 00:14:20,375 I'm so all over this. 296 00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,960 Hey, what's your mark-up on these puppies anyway? 297 00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:26,047 ♪ Won't you rock with me 298 00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:31,719 ♪ Won't you rock with me tonight ♪ 299 00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:33,855 (ALL LAUGHING) 300 00:14:33,923 --> 00:14:36,224 So I finally learn after all these years 301 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:39,560 that a good lawyer knows the law, 302 00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:41,863 but a great lawyer knows the judge. 303 00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:45,032 How about last night, huh? 304 00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:46,734 It was so cold last night, 305 00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:48,569 I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets. 306 00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:51,172 Kevin? What are you doing here? 307 00:14:52,242 --> 00:14:53,841 I was voted class clown. 308 00:14:53,910 --> 00:14:56,277 I gotta keep my chops up for the reunion. 309 00:14:56,346 --> 00:14:57,544 (SIGHING) 310 00:14:57,613 --> 00:14:59,646 ...Or proven broke. 311 00:14:59,715 --> 00:15:00,882 This isn't funny. 312 00:15:00,950 --> 00:15:02,116 The audience likes it. 313 00:15:02,185 --> 00:15:03,951 Thank you, guys. You've been great. 314 00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:06,921 I will be sending you a bill. 315 00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:09,757 Are you jealous or something? 316 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:12,659 Because we haven't gone out in, like, two years. 317 00:15:12,729 --> 00:15:14,328 And you dumped me, remember? 318 00:15:14,396 --> 00:15:15,662 I know. 319 00:15:16,532 --> 00:15:18,199 You wanna get some coffee? 320 00:15:18,267 --> 00:15:19,666 Or dinner? 321 00:15:19,736 --> 00:15:21,435 Or an apology? 322 00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:24,004 Um, I'm kind of busy at the moment. 323 00:15:24,073 --> 00:15:26,340 So this is a date. 324 00:15:26,408 --> 00:15:28,776 So, did I totally suck or what? 325 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,712 No, man. You were hilarious. 326 00:15:31,781 --> 00:15:34,581 Thanks. Kevin, right? From, uh, 327 00:15:34,650 --> 00:15:35,716 from the Herald. 328 00:15:35,785 --> 00:15:37,618 Relax. I'm not writing a review. 329 00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:40,821 I'm just checking out the competition. 330 00:15:40,890 --> 00:15:41,956 You're a stand-up, too? 331 00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:44,691 Well, I'm more of a sit-down. 332 00:15:44,761 --> 00:15:46,794 Well, uh, we were just gonna grab something to eat. 333 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:47,962 Why don't you join us? 334 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,230 We could compare notes. 335 00:15:49,298 --> 00:15:51,899 Uh, no thanks. 336 00:15:51,968 --> 00:15:53,400 Just have fun. 337 00:15:53,469 --> 00:15:54,468 Okay. 338 00:16:06,515 --> 00:16:08,215 I felt like seeing my wife. 339 00:16:08,284 --> 00:16:10,918 That's not a crime. I know these things. 340 00:16:10,987 --> 00:16:13,254 Hmm. Last time you brought me lunch at work, 341 00:16:13,323 --> 00:16:15,522 I spent a month packing dishes. 342 00:16:15,591 --> 00:16:17,724 We're not moving, I promise. 343 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,210 Then what? 344 00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:21,579 You're going to be working vice, 345 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,748 and you're afraid you might meet someone? 346 00:16:27,003 --> 00:16:29,537 I want us to counter-sue the Bakers. 347 00:16:33,109 --> 00:16:36,443 And you thought an egg salad sandwich would change my mind? 348 00:16:36,513 --> 00:16:38,278 Look, Helen, 349 00:16:38,347 --> 00:16:40,398 I know you're a better person than me. 350 00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:43,166 And I know you have all this faith in the goodness of people, 351 00:16:43,235 --> 00:16:44,635 but do you really think the Bakers 352 00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:47,104 are suddenly going to realize how selfish they are? 353 00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:49,440 Or the judge is going to see the light and throw the case out... 354 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,542 Hey, don't patronize me, 355 00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:55,179 and don't use my faith to treat me like an idiot. 356 00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:58,882 You think I don't know how greedy these people are? 357 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:03,520 We're gonna have to dig into the kids' college money. 358 00:17:03,589 --> 00:17:05,856 We may have to put the house on the market. 359 00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:13,798 I just hoped we wouldn't have to become like them. 360 00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:27,878 Jane. 361 00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:30,314 Hey! I called you at your studio, like, six times, 362 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:31,616 but the voice mail kept picking up. 363 00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:32,850 Oh, I called you back, 364 00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:35,486 but your mom said you were sorting donations. 365 00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,588 Are we ever gonna get to see each other? 366 00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:39,757 Now works for me. You wanna go roll around in the clothes? 367 00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:43,393 Oh, no. Michael needs this layout, like, an hour ago. 368 00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:44,829 So I gotta go to the computer lab 369 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,530 and use the graphics program. 370 00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:47,765 Will you keep me company? 371 00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:49,366 Sure. Oh! 372 00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:51,268 Wait. I can't. 373 00:17:51,337 --> 00:17:53,470 Chadwick wants everything sorted and out of here 374 00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:55,222 or he's gonna call the whole thing off. 375 00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:57,207 All right. As soon as I finish this project. 376 00:17:57,276 --> 00:17:59,977 Okay. And--And the clothing drive won't last forever. 377 00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,413 Call me tonight? Okay. Okay. 378 00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:07,117 How did he like the belly ring? 379 00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:09,753 Oh! I forgot to show him. 380 00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:10,888 He's actually running off 381 00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:12,522 to spend, like, forever in the computer lab. 382 00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:14,491 You two are gonna have to make an appointment to see each other. 383 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,927 That's what my parents do. 11:00 to 11:04. 384 00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,029 Conversation and sex. Ha! 385 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,931 What if Adam had Freidman's laptop? 386 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:24,835 $425? Forget it. 387 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:28,472 I already found a Bowie t-shirt from his first tour in here. 388 00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:30,374 You know what Rudi would pay for that? 389 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:32,343 And we have lots of other bags. 390 00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:33,710 All we have to do is... 391 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,645 Uh, what is it? Um... 392 00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:37,348 Expand and conquer. 393 00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:40,351 Of course. Move beyond the school. 394 00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:42,619 Put bins in a few stores... The bookstore. 395 00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:44,755 Half the money buys more clothes for the homeless, 396 00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:46,456 and then they get the clothes that we don't sell. 397 00:18:46,525 --> 00:18:47,724 And we keep half the profits. 398 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,994 For Adam's laptop. Then he can work wherever he wants. 399 00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:51,595 Get some free time with his honey. 400 00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:53,030 Plus increase his productivity 401 00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:54,598 and make him even more valuable to his boss. 402 00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:56,350 Everybody wins. 403 00:18:56,419 --> 00:18:57,968 (GASPS) Hey. 404 00:18:58,037 --> 00:19:00,154 Did you see those Guess sunglasses the other day? 405 00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:11,465 No sucky-face yet, bone rack. 406 00:19:11,534 --> 00:19:13,200 We have a Physics midterm in two days, 407 00:19:13,269 --> 00:19:17,037 and I know less about Planck's constant than that lobster... 408 00:19:17,106 --> 00:19:18,839 Or is that two frogs? 409 00:19:19,708 --> 00:19:21,142 That's not why I'm here. 410 00:19:23,879 --> 00:19:25,312 Alateen? 411 00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:32,003 You blabbed about me to a roomful of freaks? 412 00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:35,339 I picked it up at the public library, and they're not freaks. 413 00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:36,707 They're kids like us. 414 00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:38,376 Dude, have you been inhaling the formaldehyde? 415 00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:39,877 There's no way I'm doing this. 416 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,247 Go to one meeting. 417 00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:44,548 I've been through it all, Girardi. 418 00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:46,083 There is nothing new they can tell me. 419 00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:48,852 You've been through it by yourself. 420 00:19:48,922 --> 00:19:51,088 It doesn't have to be that way anymore. 421 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,035 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 422 00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:07,671 We're thinking of counter-suing Andy's family. 423 00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:08,839 Good. 424 00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,041 Does the color make me look like a corpse? 425 00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:13,844 Maybe this isn't the best place to talk. 426 00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:16,480 Retail therapy, Helen. Don't underestimate it. 427 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,818 So you don't think counter-suing seems sort of... 428 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,036 Human? 429 00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,572 I'm just so angry all the time, 430 00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,942 every second, every minute. 431 00:20:28,011 --> 00:20:29,911 I don't want to be this person. 432 00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:33,414 Aren't we supposed to try to be as good as we possibly can? 433 00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,449 Oh, you wanna be a saint. 434 00:20:36,919 --> 00:20:39,186 You are so hard to talk to. 435 00:20:39,255 --> 00:20:40,621 Hey! 436 00:20:40,690 --> 00:20:42,523 Don't take your anger out on me 437 00:20:42,592 --> 00:20:44,391 just 'cause I have a delightful personality. 438 00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:46,293 Well, I don't want to be a saint. 439 00:20:46,362 --> 00:20:48,262 But you're thinking about letting these people 440 00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:50,598 take your house and toss your family into the street 441 00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,533 so that God can pat you on the head 442 00:20:52,601 --> 00:20:54,468 and tell you how selfless you are. 443 00:20:54,537 --> 00:20:58,940 Look, I know that God says that the poor will always be among us, 444 00:20:59,008 --> 00:21:00,308 but I don't think he would want us 445 00:21:00,376 --> 00:21:02,676 to get poor by being stupid. 446 00:21:02,745 --> 00:21:07,148 You know, I was gonna try and get you to stop smoking, but now I don't really care. 447 00:21:07,216 --> 00:21:09,350 Well, too bad you're not human 448 00:21:09,419 --> 00:21:11,919 'cause you would look great in this. 449 00:21:13,957 --> 00:21:15,990 Oh, that is beautiful. 450 00:21:16,059 --> 00:21:17,425 (CHUCKLING) 451 00:21:17,493 --> 00:21:19,493 A steal at 150, dear. 452 00:21:19,562 --> 00:21:21,528 A hundred and fifty? What are you smoking? 453 00:21:21,597 --> 00:21:23,397 It's Italian leather. 454 00:21:24,867 --> 00:21:26,968 Its okay, Lilly. I didn't really need it. 455 00:21:27,036 --> 00:21:30,438 No. If there's anyone who needs fine, Italian craftsmanship, 456 00:21:30,506 --> 00:21:31,872 it's you. 457 00:21:31,941 --> 00:21:34,575 If you, uh, let me borrow it sometime. 458 00:21:36,679 --> 00:21:39,413 I'll give you $90 for it. Take it or leave it. 459 00:21:39,482 --> 00:21:40,648 $120. 460 00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:42,149 You know, I'm already being ripped off 461 00:21:42,217 --> 00:21:43,800 by somebody who paralyzed my son, 462 00:21:43,853 --> 00:21:46,336 so I don't need anybody else trying to make a buck off me 463 00:21:46,406 --> 00:21:48,205 because he thinks I might be vulnerable. 464 00:21:48,274 --> 00:21:50,741 Fine, fine. Ninety. 465 00:21:55,547 --> 00:21:57,647 Saint Helen, the bitchy. 466 00:21:58,184 --> 00:21:59,416 Hmm. 467 00:22:07,626 --> 00:22:10,327 Sometimes, when nobody's looking, 468 00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:14,031 I use the non-handicapped toilet, 469 00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:16,100 but then I feel guilty. 470 00:22:18,137 --> 00:22:20,071 It's really not so bad being in my position. 471 00:22:20,139 --> 00:22:24,075 Nobody every yells, "Down in front!" 472 00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:28,612 And, uh, I don't want you to think that my equipment is all broken down there. 473 00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:30,681 The chair reclines... 474 00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:33,017 (JOAN GIGGLING) 475 00:22:33,086 --> 00:22:34,685 What are you doing? 476 00:22:34,754 --> 00:22:38,388 What? Nothing. Why are you here? 477 00:22:38,457 --> 00:22:40,091 I have to ask you a question. 478 00:22:40,159 --> 00:22:41,425 You were laughing. 479 00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:43,861 Yeah. That's because you're sick. 480 00:22:43,930 --> 00:22:45,429 Do you think it would be nuts of me 481 00:22:45,497 --> 00:22:47,732 to try open mike night at the Laugh Riot? 482 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,666 I had a question, remember? 483 00:22:49,736 --> 00:22:51,952 Then we'll get to Schecky Girardi. 484 00:22:52,021 --> 00:22:53,187 Fine. 485 00:22:53,255 --> 00:22:55,055 So, um... 486 00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:58,525 If a girl did something really crazy cool for you, 487 00:22:58,593 --> 00:23:01,261 you know, like bought you something totally expensive, 488 00:23:01,330 --> 00:23:03,664 something that you really needed, 489 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:05,566 would you freak? 490 00:23:05,635 --> 00:23:07,734 Is that what I think it is? 491 00:23:09,905 --> 00:23:11,272 (GROANS) 492 00:23:11,607 --> 00:23:12,640 No. 493 00:23:13,376 --> 00:23:14,642 Yes. It... 494 00:23:15,744 --> 00:23:17,244 If you promise not to tell. 495 00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:18,629 You did that for Adam? 496 00:23:18,697 --> 00:23:19,830 No! 497 00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:21,132 (LAUGHS) 498 00:23:21,867 --> 00:23:22,983 Well, maybe. 499 00:23:23,052 --> 00:23:23,950 Is that what he, uh, needed? 500 00:23:24,019 --> 00:23:25,486 Could we please just focus? 501 00:23:25,555 --> 00:23:26,953 Sure. 502 00:23:27,022 --> 00:23:28,255 What happens if I pull on it? 503 00:23:28,324 --> 00:23:29,723 Oh, Kevin, forget it! 504 00:23:29,791 --> 00:23:33,660 No! Okay! I would say no gift. 505 00:23:33,729 --> 00:23:35,229 If he really needs it, 506 00:23:35,297 --> 00:23:37,797 it'd take away his manhood, 507 00:23:37,866 --> 00:23:39,099 and it'll shrivel up. 508 00:23:39,167 --> 00:23:40,334 What will? 509 00:23:41,537 --> 00:23:42,636 Oh, God. 510 00:23:42,705 --> 00:23:43,970 Not his fault. 511 00:23:44,039 --> 00:23:45,706 It's what happens when girls do stuff for us 512 00:23:45,774 --> 00:23:47,907 we're supposed to be able to do for ourselves. 513 00:23:47,976 --> 00:23:49,676 That's too pathetic to be true. 514 00:23:49,745 --> 00:23:53,580 Family vacations, how many times did Mom drive? 515 00:23:53,649 --> 00:23:55,582 But this is gonna change Adam's life. 516 00:23:55,651 --> 00:23:56,916 And mine. 517 00:23:58,086 --> 00:23:59,919 All right, then do it. 518 00:23:59,988 --> 00:24:03,290 But make him feel like you didn't really do anything. 519 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:04,958 So, lie? 520 00:24:05,026 --> 00:24:06,760 It's that or, uh... 521 00:24:09,765 --> 00:24:10,930 (SIGHING) 522 00:24:10,999 --> 00:24:12,532 Okay, I got it! 523 00:24:12,601 --> 00:24:13,800 I don't need the visual. 524 00:24:13,869 --> 00:24:15,402 Hey, what about the Laugh Riot? 525 00:24:15,471 --> 00:24:17,371 I will be there. 526 00:24:17,439 --> 00:24:20,157 Just don't shrivel up if you don't get all your laughs. 527 00:24:21,944 --> 00:24:23,443 (DOOR CLOSES) 528 00:24:26,348 --> 00:24:29,649 Freidman, I have $250 cash! 529 00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:31,385 The software alone is worth that. 530 00:24:31,453 --> 00:24:33,853 Strain not thy lithesome frame, fair Ophelia. 531 00:24:33,923 --> 00:24:36,189 Hey! Stay, Droopio. 532 00:24:37,226 --> 00:24:38,625 Find any more treasure? 533 00:24:38,693 --> 00:24:40,894 Just ratty sweaters and some tighty-whities. 534 00:24:40,963 --> 00:24:42,362 Who donates old underpants? 535 00:24:42,431 --> 00:24:44,298 Look, I don't have enough cash. 536 00:24:44,366 --> 00:24:46,033 He's gonna put that thing on eBay in like an hour. 537 00:24:46,101 --> 00:24:47,801 Chill. He'll cough it up for me. 538 00:24:47,869 --> 00:24:49,436 Judith, it's Freidman. 539 00:24:49,504 --> 00:24:51,104 He's the Ebola virus in tube socks. 540 00:24:51,173 --> 00:24:53,006 JUDITH: So? You get to spend more time with Adam, 541 00:24:53,075 --> 00:24:55,609 I get to knock the rust off my flirtation skills. 542 00:24:59,282 --> 00:25:00,847 (CLICKING TONGUE) 543 00:25:05,053 --> 00:25:06,720 Listen, Shakespeare, 544 00:25:06,789 --> 00:25:09,390 you want to make Judith happy, don't you? 545 00:25:09,458 --> 00:25:13,527 Couldn't you cut Jo-Jo here a break on that computer of yours? 546 00:25:16,999 --> 00:25:20,033 But sh-sh-she doesn't... 547 00:25:20,102 --> 00:25:21,302 Uh, she doesn't... 548 00:25:21,370 --> 00:25:22,936 My, you're... 549 00:25:23,005 --> 00:25:26,573 You have such a big laptop. 550 00:25:28,143 --> 00:25:29,943 Oh, I... 551 00:25:30,879 --> 00:25:33,180 Oh, I--I--I... 552 00:25:33,248 --> 00:25:36,183 If you deny Jo-Jo, you deny me. 553 00:25:36,585 --> 00:25:37,884 No. 554 00:25:37,953 --> 00:25:39,386 I... No. 555 00:25:40,189 --> 00:25:41,455 I... 556 00:25:47,029 --> 00:25:48,995 Girl's still got it. 557 00:25:51,967 --> 00:25:53,801 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 558 00:25:55,871 --> 00:25:58,305 Well, somebody's in a good mood. 559 00:25:58,374 --> 00:26:00,340 Setting a bad example? Sorry. 560 00:26:00,409 --> 00:26:02,609 No, no, no. Hey, I was just starting to think 561 00:26:02,678 --> 00:26:04,344 that you didn't even know how to smile. 562 00:26:04,413 --> 00:26:05,679 I, uh... 563 00:26:06,748 --> 00:26:09,783 I convinced Helen we have to counter-sue. 564 00:26:09,851 --> 00:26:12,219 I probably shouldn't celebrate, 565 00:26:12,288 --> 00:26:14,054 but after rolling over for so long... 566 00:26:14,122 --> 00:26:16,856 No explanation necessary. 567 00:26:16,925 --> 00:26:19,326 Listen, if you need any help, I... 568 00:26:19,395 --> 00:26:21,728 Thanks. I think we're in good shape now. 569 00:26:21,796 --> 00:26:23,530 All right. 570 00:26:23,598 --> 00:26:25,399 Well, I'm just putting it out there because 571 00:26:25,467 --> 00:26:28,001 I have a friend in Chicago who found out some things. 572 00:26:28,070 --> 00:26:29,420 Things? 573 00:26:29,488 --> 00:26:31,588 Andy's father, Tim Baker, owned a small company. 574 00:26:31,657 --> 00:26:33,857 Baker and Burke. They make shipping containers. 575 00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:36,443 Yeah. Well, it's just Burke now. 576 00:26:36,512 --> 00:26:39,712 I talked to somebody at the Illinois State Securities Department. 577 00:26:39,781 --> 00:26:41,348 About this? 578 00:26:41,417 --> 00:26:42,849 Well, he's an old friend. We were just catching up, you know, 579 00:26:42,918 --> 00:26:44,051 and I mentioned Baker's name. 580 00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,119 I really don't even remember how it came up. 581 00:26:46,188 --> 00:26:49,022 Anyway, it seems that there were some tax questions 582 00:26:49,091 --> 00:26:51,024 surrounding this company when it went public, 583 00:26:51,093 --> 00:26:55,929 and you can see that back here on these sheets that I got from the SEC. 584 00:26:55,997 --> 00:26:58,831 You have a lot of friends. 585 00:26:58,900 --> 00:27:00,800 They suspect that Baker cooked the books 586 00:27:00,869 --> 00:27:02,602 trying to avoid taxes, 587 00:27:02,671 --> 00:27:04,971 and his partner threatened to report him. 588 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:09,309 Why else would a man walk away from a business after 20 years? 589 00:27:09,378 --> 00:27:14,681 And I'll bet he might walk again if you knew you had this. 590 00:27:14,750 --> 00:27:18,885 So, all of this just came up in a conversation with old buddies. 591 00:27:18,954 --> 00:27:20,687 Hey, I'm a cop. 592 00:27:20,756 --> 00:27:22,623 How many times do you get the chance 593 00:27:22,691 --> 00:27:26,159 to squash the bad guy before he hurts some good people? 594 00:27:26,228 --> 00:27:29,263 Next time, you should talk to me first. 595 00:27:29,898 --> 00:27:31,465 Yeah. 596 00:27:31,533 --> 00:27:33,833 But you would have just said no. 597 00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:52,936 Surprise! 598 00:27:53,005 --> 00:27:54,671 Jane. 599 00:27:54,740 --> 00:27:56,340 Well, what is this? 600 00:27:56,409 --> 00:27:58,075 It's a reward. 601 00:28:00,246 --> 00:28:03,147 For being the best boyfriend on the planet. 602 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,434 It's a loan! It's not a gift. 603 00:28:07,503 --> 00:28:10,087 I talked my parents into getting it for me. 604 00:28:10,155 --> 00:28:12,522 I--I thought you hated computers. 605 00:28:12,591 --> 00:28:14,758 Well, um, I finally decided 606 00:28:14,826 --> 00:28:16,659 to join the rest of the world. 607 00:28:16,728 --> 00:28:18,095 And you can borrow it, 608 00:28:18,163 --> 00:28:20,563 which means you can work wherever you want, 609 00:28:20,632 --> 00:28:22,832 like in places where I am. 610 00:28:22,901 --> 00:28:25,602 Well, are you sure you're not gonna need it? 611 00:28:25,671 --> 00:28:27,404 Not as much as you. 612 00:28:27,473 --> 00:28:28,805 It'll help you be more productive, 613 00:28:28,874 --> 00:28:30,474 which means the ad campaign will be better, 614 00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:32,242 which means more kids will stay away from drugs, 615 00:28:32,311 --> 00:28:33,577 which means they'll be better citizens 616 00:28:33,646 --> 00:28:35,912 and contribute more to society. 617 00:28:35,981 --> 00:28:38,448 Yeah, I just wanted to not get fired. 618 00:28:38,517 --> 00:28:40,550 And you won't get fired. 619 00:28:40,619 --> 00:28:42,486 Jane, this is amazing. 620 00:28:43,355 --> 00:28:44,721 Thank you. 621 00:28:53,531 --> 00:28:55,565 Hey, I have to bring some clothes over to St. Agnes. 622 00:28:55,634 --> 00:28:57,400 You want a ride? 623 00:29:01,039 --> 00:29:03,539 Your coat, where'd-- where'd you get it? 624 00:29:03,608 --> 00:29:05,742 Vintage store with Lilly. 625 00:29:05,811 --> 00:29:07,910 Hey, I haven't had a new coat for three years, 626 00:29:07,980 --> 00:29:09,446 and it's second-hand. 627 00:29:09,514 --> 00:29:11,598 You have to return it. 628 00:29:11,667 --> 00:29:13,800 It's way too Freaky Friday. 629 00:29:13,869 --> 00:29:15,852 I think it rocks, Mrs. G. 630 00:29:16,588 --> 00:29:17,888 Not helping. 631 00:29:17,956 --> 00:29:19,289 Thank you, Adam. 632 00:29:19,357 --> 00:29:22,458 Sure. And the computer is way cool, too. 633 00:29:22,527 --> 00:29:23,694 The computer? 634 00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:25,011 Uh, just keep the stupid coat. 635 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:26,346 Let's go. 636 00:29:37,109 --> 00:29:38,241 Hey, Lilly. 637 00:29:38,310 --> 00:29:39,576 Hey. 638 00:29:40,145 --> 00:29:41,311 Wow. 639 00:29:41,380 --> 00:29:42,712 You're amazing, kid. 640 00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:45,748 How are you at changing water into wine? 641 00:29:45,817 --> 00:29:47,250 Somebody get pierced? 642 00:29:47,319 --> 00:29:48,385 Shh! 643 00:29:50,255 --> 00:29:51,521 How did you know? 644 00:29:51,590 --> 00:29:52,956 I can't get through a metal detector 645 00:29:53,025 --> 00:29:54,458 without the SWAT team surrounding me. 646 00:29:54,526 --> 00:29:55,592 You been using alcohol? 647 00:29:55,660 --> 00:29:58,195 Yes, but it won't heal. It's oozing and gooey. 648 00:29:58,263 --> 00:30:01,564 Yeah, been there. It's the price of freakdom. 649 00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:03,367 I love your coat. 650 00:30:03,435 --> 00:30:04,934 Thank you. 651 00:30:05,004 --> 00:30:07,871 It's, uh, very unusual. 652 00:30:07,939 --> 00:30:09,639 I bought one just like that 653 00:30:09,708 --> 00:30:12,876 for my wife on a trip to Milan. 654 00:30:12,944 --> 00:30:14,544 She passed away last month. 655 00:30:14,613 --> 00:30:16,346 Oh, I'm sorry. 656 00:30:17,750 --> 00:30:20,650 Our daughter donated it at school. 657 00:30:20,719 --> 00:30:22,452 It's for the homeless. 658 00:30:22,521 --> 00:30:24,821 You can't cherry pick donations. 659 00:30:26,892 --> 00:30:29,392 Are you accusing me of stealing? 660 00:30:30,612 --> 00:30:32,712 Uh, Mom, we-- we should probably go. 661 00:30:32,781 --> 00:30:34,647 I--I have to study, so... 662 00:30:34,716 --> 00:30:36,850 Her name's Ellen Sanders. 663 00:30:36,919 --> 00:30:38,751 Her initials are written on the label. 664 00:30:38,821 --> 00:30:41,121 She bought it at a vintage store. 665 00:30:41,190 --> 00:30:42,222 Its okay, Lilly, 666 00:30:42,291 --> 00:30:45,225 I didn't take your coat. 667 00:30:57,005 --> 00:30:58,638 I am so sorry. 668 00:30:58,707 --> 00:31:01,708 I don't know how this happened. 669 00:31:02,878 --> 00:31:04,377 (SCOFFING) 670 00:31:04,446 --> 00:31:05,645 Yeah. 671 00:31:16,825 --> 00:31:18,191 (SIGHING) 672 00:31:29,788 --> 00:31:32,355 We need my aunt's clothes back! It's an emergency. 673 00:31:32,424 --> 00:31:33,924 I thought she died. 674 00:31:33,992 --> 00:31:36,693 Well, yeah, but her uncle is really mad. 675 00:31:37,329 --> 00:31:38,528 Okay. 676 00:31:39,231 --> 00:31:40,997 Just give me 500. 677 00:31:42,634 --> 00:31:44,467 But you only gave us, like, 400. 678 00:31:44,536 --> 00:31:45,902 It's called capitalism, dears. 679 00:31:45,971 --> 00:31:47,370 I'm entitled to something for my trouble. 680 00:31:47,439 --> 00:31:48,939 We were helping the homeless. 681 00:31:49,007 --> 00:31:51,074 Fool me once, shame on you. 682 00:31:51,143 --> 00:31:53,910 Fool me twice... Oh, no, not her. 683 00:31:56,314 --> 00:31:57,613 Where did you get this? 684 00:31:57,683 --> 00:31:59,783 Why did I take my eye mask off today? 685 00:31:59,851 --> 00:32:01,617 Where did you get this coat? 686 00:32:01,687 --> 00:32:04,521 It belonged to her late aunt. 687 00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:08,157 Oh, God. 688 00:32:08,227 --> 00:32:10,427 Mom, it's not how it looks, okay? 689 00:32:10,495 --> 00:32:12,362 Yes, we sold the stuff. 690 00:32:12,431 --> 00:32:14,598 But we sunk all the money back into buying clothes for the homeless. 691 00:32:14,666 --> 00:32:17,534 Yeah, we bought like five times as much clothes as we ever could've gotten. 692 00:32:17,603 --> 00:32:20,169 And you didn't keep anything for yourselves? 693 00:32:21,072 --> 00:32:23,940 Well, not much, anyway. 694 00:32:24,008 --> 00:32:25,408 What did you take? 695 00:32:25,477 --> 00:32:26,710 Nothing! 696 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:30,380 Almost nothing. 697 00:32:30,449 --> 00:32:31,781 I mean, we were supposed to take something 698 00:32:31,850 --> 00:32:33,783 for incentive, you know, like Adam Smith said. 699 00:32:33,852 --> 00:32:36,353 Oh, shut the hell up about Adam Smith! 700 00:32:36,421 --> 00:32:38,622 I really wouldn't cross her. 701 00:32:40,525 --> 00:32:42,292 Where's the money? 702 00:32:43,562 --> 00:32:46,062 Well, it's-- it's sort of gone. 703 00:32:46,131 --> 00:32:47,530 Sort of? 704 00:32:48,533 --> 00:32:50,166 We got belly rings. 705 00:32:50,235 --> 00:32:51,401 What? 706 00:32:51,470 --> 00:32:54,271 And we got a laptop for Adam. Rove. 707 00:32:54,339 --> 00:32:56,139 We got a really good deal on it. 708 00:32:56,207 --> 00:32:58,608 Mom, I swear, we--we didn't hurt anybody. 709 00:32:58,677 --> 00:33:01,878 People have stopped donating clothes. 710 00:33:01,946 --> 00:33:03,446 They trusted us! 711 00:33:03,515 --> 00:33:06,416 That man gave us his dead wife's coat 712 00:33:06,485 --> 00:33:09,352 for the homeless, not for you! 713 00:33:11,790 --> 00:33:14,457 And not for belly rings! 714 00:33:14,526 --> 00:33:15,892 (SIGHING) 715 00:33:26,772 --> 00:33:29,238 It's always worst when his VA check comes. 716 00:33:30,975 --> 00:33:33,576 He drinks the whole thing first day. 717 00:33:35,246 --> 00:33:37,113 And calls me from lock-up. 718 00:33:41,052 --> 00:33:43,119 But I wouldn't go get him last time. 719 00:33:45,624 --> 00:33:47,156 I wouldn't do it. 720 00:33:47,225 --> 00:33:49,592 (WHISPERING) This is just too weird, Girardi. 721 00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,062 MAN: Anybody else? 722 00:34:07,763 --> 00:34:09,529 Hi, my name is Grace. 723 00:34:09,598 --> 00:34:11,131 ALL: Hi, Grace. 724 00:34:13,401 --> 00:34:14,500 Uh... 725 00:34:15,871 --> 00:34:18,087 Nothing leaves this room, right? 726 00:34:18,140 --> 00:34:20,089 Because I will hunt you people down. 727 00:34:30,369 --> 00:34:31,468 Uh... 728 00:34:38,176 --> 00:34:41,344 My mother is an alcoholic. 729 00:34:51,456 --> 00:34:53,356 And this is 730 00:34:56,728 --> 00:34:58,361 my boyfriend. 731 00:34:59,297 --> 00:35:00,596 Luke. 732 00:35:00,665 --> 00:35:02,165 ALL: Hi, Luke. 733 00:35:17,182 --> 00:35:18,682 Hey. 734 00:35:18,750 --> 00:35:19,883 Hey. 735 00:35:19,952 --> 00:35:21,818 I, uh, just started on my layout. 736 00:35:21,887 --> 00:35:24,470 You should check out this funky font. It's called Buddha Bold. 737 00:35:24,539 --> 00:35:26,423 I have to take the computer back. 738 00:35:28,026 --> 00:35:32,295 Sure. I'll just-- I'll just work on my stuff later. 739 00:35:32,363 --> 00:35:36,098 Actually, there's not really gonna be any later. 740 00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:40,954 Jane, what's going on? 741 00:35:41,022 --> 00:35:42,789 I am so sorry, Adam. 742 00:35:44,292 --> 00:35:46,926 Your stomach, it's leaking. 743 00:35:48,463 --> 00:35:49,896 Oh, yeah. 744 00:35:49,965 --> 00:35:51,764 I got my belly pierced, only it's infected, 745 00:35:51,833 --> 00:35:53,199 and if I take the bandage off, 746 00:35:53,267 --> 00:35:55,234 then my belly button will come out with it. 747 00:35:57,689 --> 00:35:59,055 Are you okay? 748 00:35:59,625 --> 00:36:01,358 No. 749 00:36:01,426 --> 00:36:04,527 No. I hate, hate economics. 750 00:36:04,596 --> 00:36:06,195 I... 751 00:36:06,265 --> 00:36:09,332 My parents didn't buy the computer, I did, 752 00:36:09,401 --> 00:36:11,868 with stuff I took from the clothing drive. 753 00:36:11,936 --> 00:36:13,069 Okay, well, stole. 754 00:36:13,138 --> 00:36:15,672 I thought I was doing good, but I got all caught up. 755 00:36:15,741 --> 00:36:19,992 And then it was like this interstate crime spree except... 756 00:36:20,061 --> 00:36:21,194 Well, I stayed here. 757 00:36:21,263 --> 00:36:24,264 You stole from the homeless? 758 00:36:24,333 --> 00:36:26,666 Yes. I am a horrible human being. 759 00:36:28,537 --> 00:36:29,869 Yeah. 760 00:36:31,573 --> 00:36:33,172 Well, you weren't supposed to say that. 761 00:36:33,242 --> 00:36:36,175 Jane, you--you stole from the homeless. 762 00:36:36,245 --> 00:36:39,646 Okay! I think we've established that. 763 00:36:40,431 --> 00:36:41,814 (SIGHS) 764 00:36:41,883 --> 00:36:43,883 I don't know how things got so nuts. 765 00:36:43,952 --> 00:36:45,585 You know, I was... 766 00:36:46,654 --> 00:36:48,555 I wanted to help you. 767 00:36:48,623 --> 00:36:50,523 You have school and you go to work 768 00:36:50,592 --> 00:36:52,158 and you have to take care of your dad 769 00:36:52,227 --> 00:36:54,294 and we miss each other. 770 00:36:56,598 --> 00:36:58,331 Jane... 771 00:36:58,400 --> 00:36:59,799 Jane, look. 772 00:36:59,867 --> 00:37:01,568 Just don't say anything perfect, okay? 773 00:37:01,636 --> 00:37:03,369 I can't take it right now. 774 00:37:03,438 --> 00:37:06,406 We already have so much. 775 00:37:06,475 --> 00:37:09,142 I mean, sometimes more than we need. 776 00:37:09,211 --> 00:37:10,210 (SIGHING) 777 00:37:10,278 --> 00:37:11,511 Just don't. 778 00:37:13,715 --> 00:37:14,880 Don't. 779 00:37:27,129 --> 00:37:28,495 (SIGHING) 780 00:37:30,165 --> 00:37:32,132 How did we go from counter-suit to blackmail? 781 00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:33,766 It's not blackmail. 782 00:37:33,835 --> 00:37:36,503 You said that we could get represented on a contingency basis, 783 00:37:36,571 --> 00:37:38,171 not have to lay out any money. 784 00:37:38,240 --> 00:37:40,240 Sure, but if the jury decides against us, 785 00:37:40,308 --> 00:37:41,574 we'd have to pay their legal fees, too. 786 00:37:41,643 --> 00:37:42,908 This is our safest option. 787 00:37:42,977 --> 00:37:44,710 Since when is going nuclear safe? 788 00:37:44,779 --> 00:37:46,846 They'd do it to us. 789 00:37:46,914 --> 00:37:48,914 Oh, so you want us to go from being them 790 00:37:48,983 --> 00:37:51,384 to making them look virtuous? 791 00:37:51,453 --> 00:37:53,019 This isn't like you, Will. 792 00:37:53,087 --> 00:37:55,188 How did you even get this information? 793 00:37:55,257 --> 00:37:57,290 Now it's wrong to try and protect my family? 794 00:37:57,359 --> 00:37:59,159 Dad, Mom's right. 795 00:37:59,227 --> 00:38:02,895 If the Bakers are our moral compass, we're pretty lost. 796 00:38:02,964 --> 00:38:05,064 Counter-suing, that's enough. 797 00:38:16,344 --> 00:38:18,511 I gave the computer to the church 798 00:38:18,580 --> 00:38:20,613 along with all the money I had, 799 00:38:20,682 --> 00:38:24,284 but I still feel like the bottom of a bird cage. 800 00:38:24,352 --> 00:38:26,553 Your mom freaks me out. 801 00:38:26,621 --> 00:38:29,155 She didn't call my parents. 802 00:38:29,224 --> 00:38:30,723 That's because she knows guilt 803 00:38:30,792 --> 00:38:34,060 is a much more effective weapon. 804 00:38:34,128 --> 00:38:36,362 Man, if my parents found out, 805 00:38:37,465 --> 00:38:39,699 they'd make it all about them, 806 00:38:39,767 --> 00:38:42,101 drag us back into family therapy. 807 00:38:44,038 --> 00:38:46,639 A cigar is never a cigar in my family. 808 00:38:48,343 --> 00:38:50,376 Sorry. This was all my fault. 809 00:38:50,445 --> 00:38:53,062 Yeah, like I go out of my way to avoid trouble. 810 00:38:58,002 --> 00:38:59,869 What were we thinking? 811 00:39:03,742 --> 00:39:05,508 That looks nasty. 812 00:39:05,577 --> 00:39:07,160 It's gonna scar. 813 00:39:08,363 --> 00:39:09,963 Tell me about it. 814 00:39:11,499 --> 00:39:15,969 ♪ There was nothing I could do ♪ 815 00:39:18,106 --> 00:39:21,707 I, uh... I almost had a psychic girlfriend once, 816 00:39:21,776 --> 00:39:24,277 but she left me before we met. 817 00:39:26,681 --> 00:39:27,981 Um... 818 00:39:28,049 --> 00:39:29,849 (LUKE LAUGHING) 819 00:39:29,918 --> 00:39:32,285 All of those who believe in psychokinesis, 820 00:39:32,354 --> 00:39:33,686 raise my hand. 821 00:39:34,522 --> 00:39:36,589 MAN 1: Pretty lame, pal. 822 00:39:36,657 --> 00:39:38,224 MAN 2: Get off the stage! 823 00:39:38,293 --> 00:39:39,325 MAN 3: You're gonna have to run back to comedy school! 824 00:39:39,394 --> 00:39:40,927 COMIC: Uh, well, I, uh, 825 00:39:40,996 --> 00:39:43,363 I see a shotgun pointed at me, 826 00:39:43,431 --> 00:39:45,965 must mean it's my time to go. 827 00:39:46,034 --> 00:39:51,170 Thank... Well, just you, actually. 828 00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:55,641 ANNOUNCER: All right then. We'll be right back with Kevin Girardi. 829 00:39:56,677 --> 00:39:58,244 I don't know, Kev. 830 00:39:58,312 --> 00:39:59,912 I don't want people laughing at you. 831 00:39:59,981 --> 00:40:02,281 Well, that's kind of the whole point, Dad. 832 00:40:02,350 --> 00:40:03,649 You've always thought that he was funny. 833 00:40:03,718 --> 00:40:05,118 Yeah, but this is different. 834 00:40:05,186 --> 00:40:07,253 I don't know why he has to do it here. 835 00:40:12,093 --> 00:40:14,177 Oh, pretty clear now, isn't it, Dad? 836 00:40:14,245 --> 00:40:16,546 HELEN: Beth. So, big night, huh? 837 00:40:16,614 --> 00:40:18,981 Hey. Yeah, can't wait. 838 00:40:19,050 --> 00:40:21,584 Joan, why don't you go get us some refills? 839 00:40:21,653 --> 00:40:24,019 Because I screw up, now I have to be your slave? 840 00:40:24,088 --> 00:40:26,389 Yeah, it's one of the joys of motherhood. 841 00:40:28,726 --> 00:40:32,127 BARMAN: Here you go. Tough crowd, huh? 842 00:40:32,197 --> 00:40:35,331 Hi, uh, three Cokes, a Diet Coke, and a Sprite, please. 843 00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:36,499 Sure. 844 00:40:37,368 --> 00:40:39,101 It's a comedy club. 845 00:40:39,170 --> 00:40:41,970 Shouldn't you be smiling, Joan? 846 00:40:42,039 --> 00:40:44,540 Yeah, my life is a Will Ferrell movie. 847 00:40:44,609 --> 00:40:46,942 Well, it's always darkest before the dawn. 848 00:40:47,011 --> 00:40:49,212 And if you're planning to steal your neighbor's newspaper, 849 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,514 that's the time to do it. 850 00:40:51,583 --> 00:40:52,881 (SIGHING) 851 00:40:52,950 --> 00:40:55,150 Finally. Something you're not good at. 852 00:40:55,220 --> 00:40:56,852 Hey, your brother liked me. 853 00:40:56,921 --> 00:40:58,521 I was using what I learned. 854 00:40:58,590 --> 00:41:00,489 Isn't that what you wanted me to do? 855 00:41:01,426 --> 00:41:02,658 Here. 856 00:41:02,727 --> 00:41:04,460 What does this say? 857 00:41:06,364 --> 00:41:08,497 In you we trust. 858 00:41:08,566 --> 00:41:10,566 You stopped trusting. 859 00:41:10,635 --> 00:41:13,336 You wanted more and more... 860 00:41:13,404 --> 00:41:15,137 So money is the root of all evil. 861 00:41:15,206 --> 00:41:17,840 Actually, the real quote is, 862 00:41:17,908 --> 00:41:20,276 "Love of money is the root of all evil." 863 00:41:20,345 --> 00:41:22,978 Why don't you just make everybody rich? 864 00:41:24,649 --> 00:41:26,549 How you see the world, 865 00:41:26,618 --> 00:41:28,517 how you deal with it, 866 00:41:28,586 --> 00:41:30,286 that determines your real wealth. 867 00:41:31,556 --> 00:41:34,490 (SIGHING) 868 00:41:34,559 --> 00:41:37,159 ANNOUNCER: He calls himself "The Last Comic Sitting." 869 00:41:37,228 --> 00:41:40,329 Let's give a big Laugh Riot welcome to Kevin Girardi. 870 00:41:41,666 --> 00:41:42,965 Enjoy. 871 00:41:48,072 --> 00:41:51,006 KEVIN: Thank you. 872 00:41:51,075 --> 00:41:55,944 Um, a lot of new comics worry that their routine is gonna be a car wreck, 873 00:41:56,013 --> 00:41:58,914 but, uh, I already got that out of the way, 874 00:41:58,983 --> 00:42:00,416 so you can all relax. 875 00:42:00,485 --> 00:42:04,953 See, um, my best friend drove me into a tree, 876 00:42:05,022 --> 00:42:07,990 and now he's suing me for a million dollars 877 00:42:08,058 --> 00:42:11,294 because...he's depressed. 878 00:42:14,082 --> 00:42:18,418 I do really feel bad for him, but it also is kind of like 879 00:42:18,486 --> 00:42:22,922 the United States suing Hiroshima. 880 00:42:22,990 --> 00:42:25,391 Like, "Hey. 881 00:42:26,394 --> 00:42:28,294 "You ruined our bomb! 882 00:42:29,431 --> 00:42:32,865 "That was our favorite bomb!" 883 00:42:32,934 --> 00:42:35,000 But, um, even if he does win, 884 00:42:35,069 --> 00:42:36,869 I got the last laugh. 885 00:42:38,072 --> 00:42:40,206 I still have six of his CDs 886 00:42:40,275 --> 00:42:42,074 and I am not giving them back. 887 00:42:42,143 --> 00:42:43,710 All right! 888 00:42:43,778 --> 00:42:45,211 I don't understand that, though. 889 00:42:45,279 --> 00:42:47,880 What about money makes people so crazy? 890 00:42:47,949 --> 00:42:49,882 I mean, how much do we really need? 891 00:42:49,951 --> 00:42:54,120 I make plenty because I rent out my handicapped plates. 892 00:42:54,188 --> 00:42:57,890 One guy was such a moron, 893 00:42:57,959 --> 00:43:00,259 he, uh, he got out of the car 894 00:43:00,328 --> 00:43:02,428 with a white cane. 895 00:43:02,497 --> 00:43:04,864 I also make a lot of money outside the Starbucks. 896 00:43:04,933 --> 00:43:06,966 I'll just be sitting outside. 897 00:43:07,035 --> 00:43:10,703 You will be surprised how many people throw their change into my latte. 898 00:43:10,772 --> 00:43:11,971 It's awesome. 899 00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:13,873 And I save a bundle on shoes. 900 00:43:13,942 --> 00:43:16,542 I mean, one pair is gonna last me the rest of my life. 901 00:43:16,611 --> 00:43:19,245 See, there are a lot of benefits 902 00:43:19,313 --> 00:43:21,480 to having no feeling below the waist. 903 00:43:21,549 --> 00:43:23,616 The party games for one. 904 00:43:23,685 --> 00:43:27,920 There's "Let's freeze Kevin's legs." 905 00:43:27,989 --> 00:43:31,874 Then there's, uh, let's see, "Pin the tail on my ass."