( knocking )
Can somebody get that?
( thunder rumbling )
God forbid anybody should help around here.
( thunder crashing )
Mrs. Helen Girardi? Yes?
Oh, you must be looking for Will.
I think he's in the shower.
I'm afraid
we have some bad news.
Your son
has been in an accident.
My son Kevin?
Yes, ma'am.
No. He's at a party.
He called. Leaving the party,
there was an accident.
We're here to take you to the hospital.
I'm afraid his condition is serious.
How serious?
Let us take you to the hospital,
Mrs. Girardi.
Wait a minute.
I remember this, but...
not this house.
What house is this?
Oh, you're out
of the shower.
Your son's condition--
it's critical.
No!
There he is. Look.
Who are those clowns?
( thunder crashing )
( laughing )
Will!
( thunder crashing )
You know, you got to come see this!
( thunder crashing ) ( Helen laughing )
Will.
( wheels squeaking )
Look, here's the thing...
you can't let my son die.
You just can't.
I know I haven't been good,
but that's no reason to punish him.
Take me instead.
Just don't punish him for what I've done wrong.
Do you think that's how I work, Helen?
Who are you?
I'm God.
As in... God?
Burning bush, tower of Babel,
Ten Commandments God.
I've been through this with your daughter.
What does my daughter have to do with this?
Everything.
Are we talking about Joan?
My Joan?
Can't-finish-a-book-report- on-time Joan?
( boys' voice ): She's open to possibility.
That's my favorite instrument.
What are you talking about?
Just be open.
That's all I ask.
No. Come back.
What are you doing?
Joan!
Oh, my God.
It's okay.
You were dreaming.
Oh, God.
That was so real.
I dreamt that...
the cops were at the door telling me about Kevin.
Oh, God.
I've had that one, too.
Do they turn into clowns?
Almost never.
Great. Leprosy.
Just in time for summer.
It's probably a staph infection
you picked up in the locker room.
Ooh. Very tenacious.
Calamine's not gonna do it.
Hey, sometimes science should be seen and not heard.
Legs are overrated.
Take it from an expert: you can still get laid.
Do boys have to talk?
Sorry. I'm running behind. Who wants pancakes?
We're already eating, Mom.
Eating what?
Day-old burrito for me.
Luke has some fish sticks,
and Joan has some corn chips.
Bean dip-- protein.
You're all gonna get scurvy.
Joan already has it.
What is that?
It's God's idea of a cruel joke.
Last day of school, party in the quad,
everybody wearing miniskirts.
Let's give Joan herpes.
Well, you look cute in jeans.
You don't like boys looking at my legs.
Yeah. I'm kind of Amish that way.
Hey, I dreamt about God last night.
Would somebody please at least have some juice?
Are you kidding?
Just a thimbleful of vitamins.
It might even cure your rash.
I meant about God.
God was like
this teenage boy, and then he turned into you.
( nervous laugh )
I have my reoccurring dream.
Manning the Mars Lander.
There's no man in the Mars Lander.
Well, there is in my dream, and he's naked.
Whoa! Oh, uh... nauseating.
Pancakes?
I'll make some.
I was offering.
Oh. I accept.
She was making Lassie sounds in her sleep.
JOAN: Too much bedroom.
It's just that God was in this corduroy coat,
and then he turned into Joan.
Brown corduroy coat?
Yeah. Very handsome.
Short spiky hair?
You've had that dream?
Sort of. But why are you having it?
Classic mother-daughter psychic connection stuff.
( cell phone rings )
Girardi.
Here.
Where?
What's the status?
Okay, I'll meet you there.
No pancakes?
Hostage situation; domestic gone bad.
Where? At the precinct.
When does a hostage situation ever work out?
I'll call you.
Okay.
Mom, what exactly did God...
look like?
I mean, what did he say?
Honey, it was just a dream.
Hey, you better have that looked at.
Oh, believe me...
it's gonna get looked at.
OFFICER: Clear 'em out.
( siren blares in distance )
( garbled radio transmission )
What's the synopsis?
Just your average domestic dispute.
Guy with a nine-millimeter to his wife's head
asking for his mommy.
We brought him in. He started to calm down.
Suddenly, the guy goes nuts.
He grabs a uniform's gun. Here we are.
LEE: What's the guy's name?
TONI: Walter:
Walter! I'm Detective Will Girardi.
I'd like to work something out, if we can.
What the hell are you, some kind of hostage negotiator?
Walter, I'm the guy who's gonna get you out of here,
if you'll let me.
Oh, yeah, like out of the frying pan and into the fire.
You'll decide what I'm about,
and you'll put me away, and I won't get a chance.
All of that can be discussed at length.
Just put the gun down before someone gets hurt.
And I am pregnant, too!
( guns cocking )
Oh, boy.
You're doing great.
Wh-where the hell is my mother?!
( quietly ): She's on the way.
Walter, she's on the way.
Just hang in there.
I want my mother.
Who doesn't?
What's with the flea bites?
STD already?
I thought there was an incubation period.
A little louder, please.
You seem kind of sweaty.
All this blatant flattery.
I feel really great about myself.
Does this have anything to do with "the do"?
What "do"?
That you did with Rove.
But I didn't.
Everybody knows about the hotel.
Congratulations, and thank you
for putting the sub-defectives on the map.
Whoa. Nothing happened, okay?
Adam just... cleaned the carpet.
I like.
And the carpet seems very shiny today.
You pig!
Hey. Uh, hey.
Um, overdue. I'll catch you later?
Sure.
Ouch. Postcoital avoidance.
There was no coital.
You just went from a Persian wool to a throw rug.
How would you like to be a throw rug?
I don't feel so good.
Friedman is a termite.
Come on, buck up.
You can't miss the Liberation Festival on the lawn.
Student/faculty egg-and-spoon race, hmm?
Who needs drugs?
Uh, I feel kind of dizzy.
And hot. Shut it!
I mean... I meant hot.
Okay. I'm gonna go do some vomiting.
I'll be back.
( garbled radio transmissions )
( siren blares in distance )
Will, this is Ruth Washington.
He's a good boy.
It's that Denise who's trouble.
We need to make sure
your son doesn't pull the trigger, Mrs. Washington,
or he'll end up in prison
for the rest of his life.
Not to mention losing a woman and her baby.
Baby? She says she's pregnant.
Denise. She opens her mouth and words come out.
Nobody believes it.
Mrs. Washington,
I'm not sure you're helping as much
as you could here.
Mama?!
Mama, I need you!
I'm here, baby, but put that gun down
before somebody shoots you.
Tell them how it is, Mama, how she is.
They don't understand!
Look, I am carrying his baby.
Well, you might be carrying somebody's.
Put it down, Walter.
I'm not gonna come visit you in no prison.
But you gotta make 'em listen, Mama!
Make 'em listen!
( shrieking )
Drop the gun!
Drop it!
Down! Get on your knees!
Stand down.
Cover him still.
( sighs )
( siren blares in distance )
Ugh. Barfing, rash, last day of school.
You're a real party-in-a-box.
BOTH: Do you think that's how I work, Joan?
I thought we were going with monotheism.
I'm impressed you know what that is.
Why are you torturing me?
And don't say I'm torturing myself.
Sometimes it's hard to believe what you see.
So you have to trust the world behind your eyes.
There's a world behind my eyes?
Great. Because this one is in enough trouble.
People manage to believe in Me,
even though they have no idea what I am.
They trust Me even in a silence.
Oh. Okay. Can you just take care of the rash
and the... barfing
and save the haiku
for another time?
( groans )
Very Matrix.
Go to the doctor. You're sick.
Oh, I'm sick.
I'm sick?!
( groans )
I'm sick.
WALTER: You can't keep me from my mother.
I have rights. You let me talk to her.
Here's the problem with that: you shot her.
She can't be dead. She can't be.
Funny thing about the bullet in the heart.
Very predictable outcome.
Take Mr. Washington and book him.
I'll wrap things up over here.
I'm not the crazy bitch. She's the crazy bitch.
You are the crazy bitch,
and your son is a moron, and he shot you!
You see that? You got that?
Mrs. Washington, please... Please, what?
He was aiming at you.
I wish
he hadn't missed.
That woman was dead.
I saw her die.
Take that, Price.
JOAN: Oh, I'm sick.
LUKE: Why don't you find Mom and go home?
I went to the office and they said she'd left,
and I can't find Adam.
Oh, look, they made it three-legged this year.
Inspired choice, tying yourself to a faculty member.
I've had that dream.
I need to find Adam.
Hornsby's the one to beat.
Three-year reigning champion.
The typing teacher? He's like 80.
Where is he? Is he at the library?
Are you talking to your little invisible friend?
So...
who wants a shot at beating Hornsby?
He's going down.
Ms. Polk, here's your chance
to humiliate a faculty member.
Oh, they don't need my help.
Hmm. Mr. Girardi?
Ovophobia. It's a fear of eggs.
It's a real thing.
( gasping )
You should do it.
What?
Be in the race.
You said go to the doctor.
I say a lot of things.
Okay... Was that You in the bathroom?
It's Me here now, and that's the point.
My name is "I am," not "I was."
Ms. Girardi...
I'm not saying this could affect your final average, but...
I'll do it.
This is alarming.
( sighs )
( church bell rings )
Helen.
( gasps )
You scared me.
Is... is this your church?
It's my parish, yes.
Right, right.
You guys don't go around owning churches.
How have you been?
Good.
I'm teaching.
Kevin's... doing well.
Everybody's okay.
So why are you here?
Do I have to have a problem to be here?
No, of course not.
I...
It's just a simple question.
I came here to sit and think about things...
God-related.
Well, that's a good exercise.
I'll leave you alone.
I dreamt about Him.
What did He look like?
Teenage boy.
Oh. I haven't had that one.
So you've dreamed about Him, too?
Yes.
He usually looks like the Gorton fisherman.
I like boats.
So... it's however we want to see Him.
Or Her.
But why would I want Him to be a teenage boy?
Well, did he look anything like Kevin?
That could be why.
Look, here's what I really need to know.
Um... was it really Him,
or was it just...
a dream?
I don't know, Helen.
I mean, I know what I choose to believe.
Not Freud?
Freud... Freud did a lot of cocaine.
That doesn't mean he was wrong about everything.
It's just...
The real question,
Helen, is...
do you want it to be God?
( sighs )
And that's all it takes?
No.
That's where it starts.
MAN ( over P.A. ): On your marks... get set...
Keep the upper body still.
I don't think I can do this.
Everybody feels like this the first time.
I'm going to throw up.
No, no, no, you're not.
I thought I told you to go to the doctor.
Then you told me not to.
No, I didn't.
Yes. Yes!
You were the mascot.
Then you told me to join the race.
Joan! Joan!
Who are you talking to?
Are you the devil?
Is he the devil?
I always knew that
he was bad, but...
Learn to see in the dark.
( echoing ): Learn to see in the dark...
Follow the light, Joan.
JOAN ( Joan ): I don't want to die.
I haven't had sex or my own apartment or anything.
I wanted to try veganism. I had plans.
Joan, stay with me here.
That's "go to the light."
It's a whole other thing.
What's going on?
You're in the hospital.
The doctor will see you. Then you'll know what's wrong.
Why are you
acting so mysterious all of a sudden?
I've always been mysterious.
Without it,
there is no faith...
and we love faith.
Whose faith?
Lie down. You're feverish.
Nothing. Unbelievable.
Mom turns her cell phone off in class.
She forgets to turn it back on.
Women and technology. What is that?
It's too early to resort
to pack-animal behavior, dude.
What about Dad?
He's a cop. He's unreachable?
She thinks I'm going to dump her.
Very classy move, dude.
What?
Friedman explained it.
Oh, yeah. Postcopulatory discard.
That's my sister.
Primates, we are here for Joan.
A little restraint.
( phones ringing )
So are you dumping her?
Leave it.
No. Okay? That's insane.
Why would I ever?
Because you were...
You had...
We didn't have, okay?
Not that it's any of your business.
Voice mail!
Hi, Dad. It's Kevin.
Joan's at the hospital.
She's sick. Call back.
Should we send for a priest?
How do...
how do you people do it?
Joan.
My mother always said I was too mean to die.
I guess she wasn't far off.
Mrs. Washington, I was there when you were shot.
You had no heartbeat.
I saw you... leave.
Let's clear up this Walter business.
'Cause that girl Denise is crazy.
She's attacked him with a butcher knife a dozen times.
He never calls the police.
Says he loves her.
Walter will get his day in court.
He'll have a chance to explain.
But they won't look for the scars.
What scars?
Check his arms,
his chest.
Knife cuts-- they'll be there.
She does it every time.
I'd feel better if you wrote this down.
I'll remember.
So...
was there a...
tunnel and a light and all that?
Are you asking me if I saw God?
You don't have to die to do that.
Feeling better, Joan?
I feel like I got hit by a Hummer.
That's an appropriate analogy, Joan.
Drink some water.
Here you go, dear.
( groans )
You're here.
You're in TV.
How can You all be here?
Life's a paradox.
It's about holding
two opposing ideas in your head, such as:
it's only a game,
but it's the only game.
Save it, Lord of the Rings.
What's wrong with me?
You're experiencing
a fluctuation in the market.
You're having a crisis of faith.
Dark night of the soul.
Plus, you're very dehydrated.
I am so not signed up for this.
How...
how can You all be here at once?
How could We have ever been here, Joan?
Maybe that's the question.
Are you saying I imagined you?
You've always had a great imagination.
Is-is-is that...
is that what's happening to me?
Am I sick? Is that it?
Tell me.
Why aren't You saying anything anymore?
What is it?
I don't know.
Why are you here?
Why are you?
I had a feeling.
What kind of feeling?
KEVIN: Mom!
Dad.
Where the hell have you been? I've been calling.
It's Joan, isn't it?
The doctor-- she's got the labs.
What's the big idea?
I was walking around minding my own business.
You introduced Yourself,
started dropping in like a bad boyfriend.
I do everything that You ask.
I-I embarrass myself and humiliate myself
in... really creative ways.
I don't have sex,
which I easily could have.
I do all of this to make You happy, even though
before we met, I-I didn't even
believe in You, and what's my reward?
Warts.
Barfing.
Fever, and now?
Silence.
Give me something, if You don't mind!
Lyme disease, caused by a tick bite.
Could have been lying dormant in her system for a long time.
The rash on her leg gave it away, which is fortunate
'cause sometimes the rash is overlooked,
and the symptoms of this disease are misdiagnosed.
HELEN: How?
Manifests in subtle ways at first.
Moodiness, extreme changes in behavior.
That's every girl. They're all infected.
DOCTOR: But later on
it becomes more serious.
Scattered thinking, lack of concentration,
and eventually, aural, even visual hallucinations.
Sometimes people are misdiagnosed
as being mentally ill.
This is clearing up a lot for me.
What's the treatment?
Uh, a course of antibiotics.
We'll start her today,
and we'll keep her overnight for observation.
So you said this could have been in her system for a long time.
How long?
Months, some cases, years.
LUKE: But all the symptoms will go away,
including the crankiness?
Yeah, that's like Joan going away.
( Luke chuckles )
Uh, she'll be herself,
whatever she was before.
Well, I didn't know her before,
and I like her now.
DOCTOR: Mom and Dad can see her now.
How different will she be?
So this is how it is.
Fine, I can sit here all day, too.
Hmm.
I never liked...
any of You.
Especially You.
Go on. Just leave.
Just go, okay?!
Dump me like Adam did!
Please go!
Wait.
Are You really leaving?
You can't just abandon people.
Honey...
how are you?
God, oh, you're still so hot.
I'm sorry you had to be alone all this time, kiddo.
Alone?
Are you kidding me?
( sighs )
Those people you saw leaving just now,
they-they've been here the whole time
driving me crazy.
What people?
Eh... oh...
you walked right past them.
Okay.
Honey... we need to talk.
You may have...
been imagining some things.
No, I'm not crazy.
HELEN: No, of course not.
Just sick, and you may have been that way for a little while,
but you are gonna get well.
I'm sick?
Yeah, but it's gonna be okay. I promise.
It was never real?
I've always been sick?
Did you see about it?
Mrs. Washington.
You shouldn't be up and around.
You make sure my son gets a fair case.
You look for those scars.
I'm going to the station now.
I'll take care of it, but you go back to bed.
Thank you.
Adam, hey.
Joan's asleep.
The others went home.
Uh, can I just sit with you?
Yeah. Hey. Of course.
She's gonna be fine.
You know, I was never gonna dump her.
I was avoiding her a little.
It got too hard. I got scared.
Hey, these are
intense feelings, Adam.
Processing them at your age...
Yeah, but she saw me at the bottom, Mrs. G.
Crying, complaining and scared.
How's she gonna forget that?
She won't.
Neither will you.
It's called a bond.
WILL: Real nice.
He never filed a complaint against Denise,
and some of these knife wounds are years old.
Well, if there's a history of her abusing him,
he's got a case for himself.
Well, kidnapping and manslaughter won't go away.
Yeah, but he won't get the time he was looking at before.
What manslaughter?
His mother.
She died, Will.
Heart attack, right after you interviewed her.
Didn't you get my pages?
Voice mail?
She couldn't have. I saw her.
After you interrogated her in the hospital.
No, I-I saw her in the hallway right before I came here.
No, you couldn't have.
Well, I guess I didn't.
Hey.
Am I still in the hospital?
Yeah, and you're gonna be okay.
Oh...
I was kind of having a weird dream.
Have I been acting crazy lately?
Not to me.
Are you dumping me?
No.
No, of course not.
I-I just wigged out.
I--I've...
I've told you things that I've never...
I've never told anybody.
I mean, there's things in my head,
you know, I keep them to myself,
and then it makes me feel crazy.
When I say them to you, though,
you know, I-I don't feel that way anymore.
You know, you don't give me that, uh...
thousand-yard stare.
Yeah.
The doctors think I'm having these hallucinations
because I've been sick.
Yeah, well, you're gonna get better.
That's not the point.
Something's been happening to me for a long time.
I need to s-say it out loud to someone I trust.
Say it to me.
You have to promise you'll believe me.
( sighs )
( chuckles )
I-I've been talking to, uh...
( chuckles ) I've been talking to...
to God.
In your dreams?
In your head?
I kind of see Him.
He just started coming around.
He always looks different.
Sometimes He's a She.
It's scary and... annoying.
( chuckles softly )
But the thing is... when I obey...
things turn out okay.
I mean, I see things.
I-I understand things.
I-I feel like I get the point.
When I gave you that, that picture...
God told me to give you a gift.
I got confused.
I thought it was about sex, but...
but it turns out, it was...
it was just that little gift, and...
when we looked at it...
it was like...
you and I were going to the same place in our heads.
Didn't you feel that?
Didn't you?
You have to believe me.
If you believe me, then...
I know it's not crazy, but if you don't...
You promised.
I believe... that you believe it.
They say the infection,
it stays in your system a long time,
and it makes things look crazy.
You know, sometimes when I'm...
when I'm doing my art, I-I get these... visions.
( whispering ): Never mind.
Jane.
I'll see you tomorrow, then?
Jane?
♪ How many faces behind me ♪
♪ Tell the story of those yet to come? ♪
♪ I look for a place to define me ♪
♪ I don't have a single one... ♪
GRACE: You didn't have to walk me.
You could have gone with your brother.
It seemed un-gentlemanly.
That's not a word.
Besides, I like walking.
Although this is a lot of walking.
Uh, do you always walk this much?
It's how I do my thinking.
That's why you're so smart.
I'm not smart. Of course not.
I, I didn't mean smart.
I meant intelligent.
They're... not the same thing.
I like the quiet when I walk.
Of course. Yeah.
Which you're probably missing right now
with me talking.
Stars.
Don't mention them. I, I wasn't going to.
Yeah, it's virtually impossible
to see them, even, in the age of light pollution, you know?
Why did you give me that rock?
It's a geode.
To me it's a rock. Why?
It was a-a gesture...
of friendship.
Possibly courtship.
"Courtship"?
That went out with the corset
or the Walkman, or something.
I don't follow trends.
Did you break up with Glynis because of me?
Of course not.
Don't be ridiculous.
Okay, I won't, because that would be ridiculous.
So, let's not go there. Right.
Why is that ridiculous?
I'm friends with your sister.
Right.
I'm older than you.
A year; eight months, actually.
I have a reputation.
I've worked hard to build it.
Do you know what my reputation is?
You hate me? I'm anti.
Okay. Anti what?
What have you got?
So, you're never going to fall in love.
I'm never even going to fall in like.
And I'm certainly not going to be courted
by some rocket-head geek.
And if it got around school that you were giving me things?
What do you care what people think?
I mean, if you're anti.
You know, shouldn't you like the idea of us
if you're so anti? I'm not that anti.
Oh, so you're moderately anti.
Look, geek... And besides, you know,
love is irrational.
It's like this anesthetic goes off in your brain
eliminating all reason
so the act of procreation can occur.
Hey, hey.
It's a natural state of imbalance
built into the whole system,
you know? A chemical reaction
necessary to the conditions required for Darwinistic...
Look, I am not into you, got it?
Yeah.
♪ One last time ♪
♪ One last time. ♪
Hey.
How's our girl?
Asleep.
Oh, I had a strange day.
Mmm... we all did.
My pager didn't work.
My cell phone blinked out.
It's like there's something in the magnetic field.
Are there solar flares?
You'd have to ask Luke.
Joan got sick.
You had that... feeling
in a church.
It's a weird day.
What?
Why were you in a church?
Because I had that dream.
And... I don't know.
I guess I believe in God.
It's a guessing thing?
You don't have to sign up for sure?
Here's what I think.
You decide... to put your toe in the water,
so you go in... a little at a time,
and sometimes you come all the way out
'cause it doesn't feel right, but...
the water is always there.
Why is the water so hard to understand?
That I don't know.
And why is it being so mean to us?
I was talking to a priest today.
I'm telling you now.
I wasn't going to hide it.
Do you want to hear what a priest said?
Was it a handsome priest?
( laughs softly )
Not as handsome as you.
Go on.
He said that we go through times
of consolation and desolation.
Consolation is when... things are flowing
and everything makes sense and...
you feel connected,
and... you're aware that God is present
and... has plans for you,
maybe... even likes you a little bit.
You remember that?
Sometimes.
Desolation is the other thing.
When you are... scared...
and confused and alone and out of step
and your cell phone doesn't work
and... your daughter gets sick,
and... the cops come to the door and say
there's been an accident...
God... retreats, and...
you're left with your own thoughts,
and those thoughts are dark.
There are answers there...
he told me.
And strength.
How long does desolation last?
As long as it needs to.
JOAN: He isn't real.
What, honey?
You're talking about God.
He isn't real.
You get some sleep now.
♪ I was doing time in Salvation Park ♪
♪ Oh, up on the high rope, me your ace of hearts ♪
♪ Just when I thought I was so special ♪
♪ I thought I had it all ♪
♪ Take one wrong step before you fall ♪
♪ And you're stumbling to Bethlehem ♪
♪ In this absence of light ♪
♪ I'm stumbling to Bethlehem ♪
♪ Don't worry, darling, yeah, don't think twice ♪
♪ Now, there's this man on the corner ♪
♪ In a long black sweater ♪
♪ Saying sinners may well burn forever ♪
♪ Well, I must be guilty of something ♪
♪ Some price I forgot to pay ♪
♪ Must have done somebody wrong ♪
♪ Somewhere along the way ♪
♪ And it keeps me stumbling to Bethlehem ♪
♪ In this absence of light ♪
♪ I'm stumbling to Bethlehem ♪
♪ Don't worry, darling, yeah, don't think twice ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, oh ♪
♪ I'm stumbling to Bethlehem... ♪