1 00:00:01,042 --> 00:00:04,375 Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything... 2 00:00:04,479 --> 00:00:06,470 and the one son who had no choice... 3 00:00:06,581 --> 00:00:08,572 but to keep them all together. 4 00:00:14,122 --> 00:00:15,817 It's Arrested Development. 5 00:00:18,159 --> 00:00:21,993 Michael was heading to work when he saw something he had never seen before lunch... 6 00:00:22,097 --> 00:00:23,997 his twin sister Lindsay. 7 00:00:24,099 --> 00:00:27,091 - You're up? - Yeah. I work for our attorney now. 8 00:00:27,202 --> 00:00:30,501 Bob Loblaw. Of course. What is he thinking? 9 00:00:30,605 --> 00:00:32,664 - I mean, how's it going? - Lousy. 10 00:00:32,774 --> 00:00:36,039 You know, I only took this nanny job so he'd give me a free divorce... 11 00:00:36,144 --> 00:00:38,442 and then marry me so I'd never have to work again. 12 00:00:38,546 --> 00:00:40,878 But all he seems to care about is that daughter of his. 13 00:00:40,982 --> 00:00:43,075 I got my horse to canter today. First time. 14 00:00:43,184 --> 00:00:45,448 I've always wanted to make love on a horse. 15 00:00:45,553 --> 00:00:47,453 And tomorrow, we're gonna work without a lunge line. 16 00:00:47,555 --> 00:00:50,786 That's so funny, because I can put my leg behind my head. 17 00:00:50,892 --> 00:00:53,190 I mean, come on. I'm the nanny. 18 00:00:53,294 --> 00:00:55,285 Of course. Who wouldn't wanna snog the nanny? 19 00:00:55,397 --> 00:00:57,456 "Snog." Is that another one of your new "Britishisms"? 20 00:00:57,565 --> 00:01:01,831 It was. Michael had recently fallen bum over noggin... 21 00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:04,200 for a beautiful English woman called Rita. 22 00:01:04,305 --> 00:01:06,205 Did I say snog again? Bloody hell. 23 00:01:06,307 --> 00:01:10,403 You wanna win over Bob, you gotta win over the kid. Here's what you do. 24 00:01:10,512 --> 00:01:13,072 You find something that you're good at and you share it with her. 25 00:01:13,181 --> 00:01:16,309 While you're at it, share it with us too, huh? And try not to act so desperate. 26 00:01:16,418 --> 00:01:18,318 Oh, my God. Did I miss a call? 27 00:01:18,420 --> 00:01:20,411 This is Rita. Just wanted to say hi. 28 00:01:20,522 --> 00:01:23,047 I'm on my way to the train station. Bye-bye. 29 00:01:23,158 --> 00:01:25,149 She's leaving. I gotta get over there. 30 00:01:25,260 --> 00:01:29,629 - Michael raced to the station... - God, is that how I look? 31 00:01:29,731 --> 00:01:31,926 Where Rita was being given her ticket. 32 00:01:32,033 --> 00:01:36,231 Here's your ticket and your instructions. Call me if you get in over your head. 33 00:01:38,273 --> 00:01:40,798 Hey, hi there, Rita. Hey! Michael. 34 00:01:40,909 --> 00:01:44,106 Hi. Where are you going, and how long you going for? 35 00:01:45,413 --> 00:01:47,404 You're right. You-You... Do not answer that. 36 00:01:47,515 --> 00:01:50,006 - You know, I'm not getting clingy. - Why are you breathing like that? 37 00:01:50,118 --> 00:01:52,018 I wasn't hurrying to come stop you. 38 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:54,918 I was out on... for my daily, uh... Do you run at all? 39 00:01:55,023 --> 00:01:57,787 Oh, yes. I was in the Olympics once. 40 00:01:57,892 --> 00:02:03,023 - I won a silver medal. - You're that Rita Leeds? Oh, my goodness! 41 00:02:03,131 --> 00:02:05,759 And a silver medal, yes. And you came in second. 42 00:02:05,867 --> 00:02:08,734 Now I'm very embarrassed to be out of breath in front of you. 43 00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:12,273 But you take my breath away. 44 00:02:12,373 --> 00:02:15,467 Oh, Michael. 45 00:02:15,577 --> 00:02:17,204 You're such a!@%$#. 46 00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,247 Michael was stunned. 47 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:24,807 He assumed Rita was using the word !@%$# in the American sense... 48 00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:27,080 meaning "weak" or "cowardly." 49 00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:29,622 In fact, Rita meant it in the British sense... 50 00:02:29,724 --> 00:02:32,522 meaning "sweet” or "gentle," as in "pussycat." 51 00:02:32,627 --> 00:02:35,755 The Jerries aren't so bad. They're just being led by a rotten apple. 52 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:40,801 Oh, Reggie. Fighting for your country, you're such a pussy. 53 00:02:40,902 --> 00:02:45,532 When I miss your lips, I'll put a @%$ in my mouth and think of you. 54 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:48,131 That also had a different meaning over there. 55 00:02:49,777 --> 00:02:51,972 Michael returned home... 56 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,878 hoping to take solace in his son's company. 57 00:02:54,983 --> 00:02:57,315 I was thinking you and I should maybe go play a little catch. 58 00:02:57,418 --> 00:02:59,648 Maybe go for a run. Do some guy stuff. 59 00:02:59,754 --> 00:03:03,690 - But we're not good at that stuff. - Yes, I am. We... both are. 60 00:03:03,791 --> 00:03:06,021 Michael and his son had never been... 61 00:03:06,127 --> 00:03:08,652 a very successful athletic team. 62 00:03:08,763 --> 00:03:11,323 In fact, the only thing George Michael really liked... 63 00:03:11,432 --> 00:03:14,230 was hanging motionless from the monkey bars... 64 00:03:14,335 --> 00:03:16,826 which the president's counsel on fitness ranks as... 65 00:03:16,938 --> 00:03:19,202 "slightly easier than the slide." 66 00:03:19,307 --> 00:03:22,936 Anyway, I was just thinking that maybe we should emphasize athletics... 67 00:03:23,044 --> 00:03:25,444 a little bit more in this family. 68 00:03:25,547 --> 00:03:27,674 I'm gonna start us off with a protein drink, okay? 69 00:03:27,782 --> 00:03:30,683 Still doing that, huh? 70 00:03:30,785 --> 00:03:34,243 Well, l-I do think we should go for a run, huh? Some real guy stuff. 71 00:03:34,355 --> 00:03:36,448 I'm supposed to go fabric shopping with Ann today. 72 00:03:36,558 --> 00:03:39,686 I think we can go butcher. 73 00:03:39,794 --> 00:03:41,762 Uh, uh, no. We're-We're making a gown. 74 00:03:41,863 --> 00:03:44,798 - She's gonna be in a beauty pageant. - Yeah. Who's Ann? 75 00:03:44,899 --> 00:03:49,859 My-My girlfriend. She's... You've met her so many times. You've met her and met her. 76 00:03:49,971 --> 00:03:52,872 I know who Annabelle is. Who's the Ann that's in the beauty pageant? 77 00:03:52,974 --> 00:03:54,635 That's her. Her name isn't Annabelle. That's Ann. 78 00:03:54,742 --> 00:03:57,006 No, I know that her name is not Annabelle. I just... 79 00:03:57,111 --> 00:04:00,205 That's how I remember her name, 'cause her body's kind of shaped like a... 80 00:04:00,315 --> 00:04:03,978 She's the belle of the ball. What is she doin' in the beauty pageant? 81 00:04:04,085 --> 00:04:06,383 She's... Is she running the lights or something? 82 00:04:06,487 --> 00:04:08,887 She's in it. She's a-a contestant. 83 00:04:08,990 --> 00:04:12,050 - Sort of like an inner beauty pageant. - Ah! There it is. 84 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:15,095 - Is it like a Christian thing? - Well, it's half. 85 00:04:15,196 --> 00:04:18,427 It's at the state fair, which this year's gonna be a church and state fair. 86 00:04:18,533 --> 00:04:21,127 It seems the state had run out of money... 87 00:04:21,236 --> 00:04:23,602 and was going to cancel the fair... 88 00:04:23,705 --> 00:04:26,538 until it was resurrected by this man... 89 00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,734 who agreed to cover the fair's costs... 90 00:04:28,843 --> 00:04:30,811 if it included a church presence. 91 00:04:30,912 --> 00:04:34,313 I got some news for you. There's no such thing as an inner beauty pageant. 92 00:04:34,415 --> 00:04:37,111 They’re just gonna pick the chick with the best T and A. 93 00:04:37,218 --> 00:04:39,186 As a child, Maeby had been entered... 94 00:04:39,287 --> 00:04:41,380 into a number of progressive pageants... 95 00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:45,789 that claimed to celebrate beauty in all its forms. 96 00:04:45,893 --> 00:04:48,919 But the winners still tended to have it going on in the conventional sense. 97 00:04:49,030 --> 00:04:51,430 Remember how badly you used to want to win? 98 00:04:51,532 --> 00:04:54,000 - No, I remember how badly you used to want me to win. - We should have... 99 00:04:54,102 --> 00:04:58,505 - I don't know where that hair of yours came from. - Shameless Plugs on Placentia. 100 00:04:58,606 --> 00:05:02,474 Looks pretty good, huh? And they're not licensed, which means big savings. 101 00:05:03,577 --> 00:05:06,843 That's been happening a lot lately. 102 00:05:06,948 --> 00:05:10,111 - You know what? This is the perfect thing to do. - No, Mom, I'm not gonna do it. 103 00:05:10,218 --> 00:05:13,119 No, no, not you. Bob's daughter Hope. 104 00:05:13,221 --> 00:05:16,019 If I can get Hope this crown... 105 00:05:16,124 --> 00:05:19,616 maybe her father might just wanna crown me, if you know what I mean. 106 00:05:19,727 --> 00:05:22,719 I'm guessing have sex, but that's meeting you more than halfway. 107 00:05:22,830 --> 00:05:27,824 Tobias, wanna clean up that mirror? And the vase? 108 00:05:27,935 --> 00:05:31,234 Perhaps if I could coach a certain young lady to victory in this pageant... 109 00:05:31,339 --> 00:05:34,206 I can gain back the respect of my wife. 110 00:05:34,309 --> 00:05:36,869 - I'll show them a little T and A. - You can't make me do it, Dad. 111 00:05:36,978 --> 00:05:40,311 - Tobias and Ann. - My Ann? 112 00:05:40,415 --> 00:05:42,975 No, I don't... I don't think we need any help. 113 00:05:43,084 --> 00:05:44,984 Oh, George Michael, she's a girl. 114 00:05:45,086 --> 00:05:47,919 I need to teach her how to be a woman. Within her lies a queen. 115 00:05:48,022 --> 00:05:51,321 Let me out that queen. 116 00:05:51,426 --> 00:05:53,018 I think you just did. 117 00:05:53,127 --> 00:05:54,594 - Michael. - Gob. 118 00:05:54,696 --> 00:05:57,722 Let me get that for you. Um... 119 00:05:57,832 --> 00:06:02,428 So a young neighborhood tough by the name of Steve Holt's gonna be here any minute. 120 00:06:02,537 --> 00:06:04,664 - Your son. - According to him. 121 00:06:04,772 --> 00:06:08,868 - And a DNA test. - I heard the jury's still out on science. 122 00:06:08,976 --> 00:06:11,001 Anyway, he wants to go to the fair. 123 00:06:11,112 --> 00:06:15,344 But I don't wanna hurt his feelings, so I need you to do it. 124 00:06:15,450 --> 00:06:18,214 Just tell him that I'm out of town on one of my trips. 125 00:06:18,319 --> 00:06:22,050 - I'm not gonna lie to your son. - Come on. I lie to yours all the time. 126 00:06:22,156 --> 00:06:24,056 Michael, I'm not ready to be a dad. 127 00:06:24,158 --> 00:06:27,059 Plus, I'm gonna be very busy this week being a judge for the pageant. 128 00:06:27,161 --> 00:06:30,426 Gob had been a pageant judge for years. 129 00:06:30,531 --> 00:06:33,625 - You can't believe what it does for your sex life. - I don't wanna hear it. 130 00:06:33,735 --> 00:06:36,568 I don't wanna say it. First place chick is hot but has an attitude. 131 00:06:36,671 --> 00:06:40,300 Doesn't date magicians. Second place is someone weird usually... 132 00:06:40,408 --> 00:06:43,138 like a Chinese girl or a geologist. 133 00:06:43,244 --> 00:06:47,510 But third place, although a little bit plain, has super low self-esteem. 134 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:52,382 So I step in and, uh, lay her crown upon my sweet head. 135 00:06:52,487 --> 00:06:55,581 Have I missed this euphemism? 136 00:06:55,690 --> 00:06:57,658 - Steve Holt! - I should go. 137 00:06:59,527 --> 00:07:01,961 He's hiding from me, isn't he? 138 00:07:02,063 --> 00:07:05,624 You know, you gotta stop saying your name all the time. 139 00:07:05,733 --> 00:07:09,396 It's just they have this father-son triathlon, and I just wanted him to do it with me. 140 00:07:09,504 --> 00:07:11,301 - Mmm. - Stupid, huh? 141 00:07:11,406 --> 00:07:15,570 - That's a pretty tough race. - Only for a wimp, a wuss. 142 00:07:15,676 --> 00:07:19,077 - A!@%$#. - And Steve didn't mean pussycat. 143 00:07:19,180 --> 00:07:23,583 Uh, Steve, how'd you like to do that triathlon with me? 144 00:07:23,684 --> 00:07:25,083 - Are you serious? - Yeah. 145 00:07:25,186 --> 00:07:27,746 - Uncle Mike! - Steve Holt! 146 00:07:27,855 --> 00:07:30,517 Both men felt good about themselves. 147 00:07:30,625 --> 00:07:32,525 - Uncle Mike! - Steve Holt! 148 00:07:32,627 --> 00:07:36,154 But Gob didn't share their enthusiasm. 149 00:07:36,264 --> 00:07:39,791 So this is how Michael gets rid of my son... by stealing him. 150 00:07:39,901 --> 00:07:42,267 Well, I'll just have to steal something of his... 151 00:07:42,370 --> 00:07:48,036 like, say, his bicycle, as a... placeholder. 152 00:07:52,344 --> 00:07:56,940 Michael was trying to prove his manliness with Steve Holt. 153 00:07:57,048 --> 00:07:59,676 Rita. Hey, it's Michael. Just wanted to let you know... 154 00:07:59,784 --> 00:08:04,949 that I'm running a triathlon at the fair, and if you're back in town... 155 00:08:05,056 --> 00:08:06,956 Oh, I can't believe I chose this moment to call you. 156 00:08:07,058 --> 00:08:10,050 Meanwhile, at the Church and State Fair... 157 00:08:10,161 --> 00:08:13,392 Maeby was trying to enroll in the pageant... sort of. 158 00:08:13,498 --> 00:08:17,798 Your situation poses a problem. Let me talk to our chairman. 159 00:08:19,571 --> 00:08:21,732 - Hey, what are you doing, Maeby? - It's Surely. 160 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:25,367 I'm just here to prove that all these pageants care about is looks. 161 00:08:25,477 --> 00:08:28,469 Just watch. Surely's inner beauty will get trumped by her outer icky. 162 00:08:28,580 --> 00:08:30,980 - What happened to your nose? - It's part of the disguise. 163 00:08:31,082 --> 00:08:34,415 Isn't it cool? The same one Nicole Kidman wore in The Hours. 164 00:08:34,519 --> 00:08:38,216 It had been purchased for her at a charity auction she'd attended as a studio executive... 165 00:08:38,323 --> 00:08:40,314 - $10,000. - by Jamie Kennedy. 166 00:08:40,425 --> 00:08:42,325 You're such a dear. 167 00:08:42,427 --> 00:08:44,759 But I'm not putting you in my remake of A Thoroughly Polite Dustup. 168 00:08:46,931 --> 00:08:48,489 Miss Wolfbeak... 169 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:52,832 although it costs quite a bit to put in a ramp for you, we got approval. 170 00:08:52,937 --> 00:08:54,700 You're in. 171 00:08:54,806 --> 00:08:57,001 As Maeby found herself stuck in a beauty pageant... 172 00:08:57,108 --> 00:09:00,669 Lucille was meeting with attorney Bob Loblaw... 173 00:09:00,779 --> 00:09:03,213 about getting her son out of the army. 174 00:09:03,314 --> 00:09:06,010 I mean, my God. He's already lost a hand. If he loses a leg... 175 00:09:06,117 --> 00:09:08,108 how will we ever get him out of the apartment? 176 00:09:08,219 --> 00:09:11,245 Well, the army does have a “one in, one out" program... 177 00:09:11,356 --> 00:09:15,258 where the inductee is relieved of duty once he enlists someone to take his place. 178 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,523 So I'm supposed to find some poor, innocent soul and hook him? 179 00:09:18,630 --> 00:09:21,531 Well, that's not going to help sign anyone. Where's your hand? 180 00:09:21,633 --> 00:09:23,601 It got stuck in the prize hole again. 181 00:09:23,702 --> 00:09:27,035 I told you not to play that stupid game anymore. 182 00:09:27,138 --> 00:09:32,303 - Ow. There goes number three. - I wasn't playing it. 183 00:09:32,410 --> 00:09:34,344 I was just trying to get my other one back. 184 00:09:34,446 --> 00:09:37,108 Hi. Sorry, sorry. I totally forgot about this... meeting. 185 00:09:37,215 --> 00:09:39,115 What's going on? 186 00:09:39,217 --> 00:09:41,879 Your father's gotten a lot of bad press because of the escape attempts. 187 00:09:41,986 --> 00:09:45,387 - Volunteer for something. - I'll do anything to get out of this!@%$#% apartment. 188 00:09:45,490 --> 00:09:48,823 You'll do anything to get out of !@%$#% in this apartment. 189 00:09:48,927 --> 00:09:51,088 - Ah, you're drunk. - Yeah, Mom, can you just... 190 00:09:51,196 --> 00:09:54,393 And, Dad... You know, why do we even need the surrogate? 191 00:09:54,499 --> 00:09:57,229 - Dad's in the apartment... - Don't come in here. Don't come in here. 192 00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:59,599 Don't come in here. I said not to come in. 193 00:09:59,704 --> 00:10:02,306 - Would you get out here please? - I'm watching the game. - I said not to come in! 194 00:10:02,407 --> 00:10:07,242 - I did not spend money on a surrogate so you can just... - I lost him. 195 00:10:07,345 --> 00:10:09,643 I think you've got your hands full trying to make this guy look good. 196 00:10:09,748 --> 00:10:12,342 There's a "Startled Straight" program at the fair... 197 00:10:12,450 --> 00:10:15,112 which involves you speaking with at-risk male youth... 198 00:10:15,220 --> 00:10:17,381 to scare them away from criminal behavior. 199 00:10:17,489 --> 00:10:21,255 Okay. I can do that. I'm gonna need some big, blown-up photos of your mother. 200 00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:24,294 I think they're talking about your time in prison, Dad. 201 00:10:24,395 --> 00:10:26,363 Oh. Okay. Why not? 202 00:10:26,464 --> 00:10:29,092 I mean, uh, if I don't win this thing, I'm gonna be back there anyway. 203 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:32,727 "At risk male youth." That spells "army." 204 00:10:32,837 --> 00:10:35,635 And that's when Buster discovered a recruiting pool... 205 00:10:35,740 --> 00:10:37,867 the government had been fishing for years. 206 00:10:37,976 --> 00:10:40,570 - I may head down there too. - Yeah, I don't know, Dad. 207 00:10:40,678 --> 00:10:42,703 "Startled Straight." I'm not so sure you're the guy for that. 208 00:10:42,814 --> 00:10:46,147 But I'll look into it while I'm down at the fair signing up for a triathlon. 209 00:10:46,251 --> 00:10:48,515 Triathlon? Do you know how hard a triathlon is? 210 00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:53,216 People lose control of every bodily function. Didn't you ever see that video? 211 00:10:53,324 --> 00:10:56,623 It's like your mother on New Year's Eve. 212 00:10:56,728 --> 00:10:59,663 Actually, Lucille went down faster. 213 00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:05,301 You're not even in shape. You're gonna fall apart in front of everybody. 214 00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:07,701 - You're kind of scaring me, Dad. - You see? 215 00:11:07,806 --> 00:11:11,173 Perfect for this "Startled Straight" thing. 216 00:11:11,276 --> 00:11:13,369 Tobias was getting Ann ready... 217 00:11:13,478 --> 00:11:15,969 for the talent portion of the pageant. 218 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,810 I think we need something with a little more spectacle in the act. 219 00:11:18,917 --> 00:11:21,750 Something that will make you look small and pretty in comparison. 220 00:11:21,853 --> 00:11:25,653 - A camel. - You know, she has a really lovely singing voice. 221 00:11:25,757 --> 00:11:27,725 I'll sing to the camel. 222 00:11:27,826 --> 00:11:30,522 Yes. We can Google some disco songs with the word "hump" in them. 223 00:11:30,628 --> 00:11:32,755 - Cute. - No, that sounds a bit racy. 224 00:11:32,864 --> 00:11:36,197 Okay. He may be afraid of sex, but you're not going to win without it. 225 00:11:36,301 --> 00:11:38,326 - No, I'm not afraid of sex. - Oh, good. 226 00:11:38,436 --> 00:11:41,428 Go have sex with this girl right now. Do it. Go. 227 00:11:41,539 --> 00:11:45,270 Get in there, have some sex with her right now. 228 00:11:45,376 --> 00:11:48,209 I didn't think so. Ann, you need to decide... 229 00:11:48,313 --> 00:11:51,771 whether you want a man or a boy. 230 00:11:51,883 --> 00:11:55,341 - I know how I'd answer. - Give us some room, George Michael. 231 00:11:55,453 --> 00:11:59,856 - I can't breathe. - Okay, now you're upsetting the talent. Out! 232 00:12:04,362 --> 00:12:08,765 Michael, meanwhile, had begun training for the triathlon... 233 00:12:08,867 --> 00:12:11,301 to keep from humiliating himself in front of Rita. 234 00:12:11,402 --> 00:12:14,428 Don't ask, "Can I?" Ask, "I can!" 235 00:12:14,539 --> 00:12:16,439 You can control your bladder when you're dead. 236 00:12:16,541 --> 00:12:20,170 No blood, no oil. There's no "I" in win! 237 00:12:29,153 --> 00:12:32,088 Michael returned confident in his manliness... 238 00:12:32,190 --> 00:12:35,523 when he ran into his son, who was questioning his own. 239 00:12:35,627 --> 00:12:37,686 How is that pageant going? 240 00:12:37,795 --> 00:12:41,663 - It turns out Ann doesn't want me around during it. - Really? 241 00:12:41,766 --> 00:12:44,428 Well, now you and me can go to that fair together tomorrow after all. 242 00:12:44,535 --> 00:12:47,561 - Yeah? - Yeah, and maybe do some man stuff like you said. 243 00:12:47,672 --> 00:12:50,835 Actually, I've already signed up for the father-son triathlon. 244 00:12:50,942 --> 00:12:53,240 Oh. Okay, great. Yeah. I did wanna do that with you. 245 00:12:53,344 --> 00:12:56,336 I mean, I've already promised Steve Holt. 246 00:12:56,447 --> 00:12:59,848 - You know, he's older. It's more manly. - You don't think I'm manly? 247 00:12:59,951 --> 00:13:02,647 No, no, it's just, uh... 248 00:13:02,754 --> 00:13:05,416 Darn that Annabelle! She ruins everything. 249 00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:07,923 But the next morning, Michael awoke... 250 00:13:08,026 --> 00:13:13,157 to discover every muscle in his body was exacting revenge. 251 00:13:13,264 --> 00:13:15,789 - Oil? - And so was his brother Gob. 252 00:13:19,137 --> 00:13:22,766 Hey, does anyone know why my handlebars are in my bed? 253 00:13:25,742 --> 00:13:29,007 The Church and State Fair was in full swing. 254 00:13:35,986 --> 00:13:38,955 And Lindsay watched with pride as Hope Loblaw... 255 00:13:39,056 --> 00:13:42,116 Did an original number that Lindsay herself had written. 256 00:13:48,298 --> 00:13:50,960 And now, please welcome Annabelle Veal... 257 00:13:51,068 --> 00:13:55,300 performing "We Three Kings" with a camel tow. 258 00:14:00,811 --> 00:14:04,747 Michael arrived at the fair sore from overtraining. 259 00:14:04,848 --> 00:14:07,009 Can't really go that high. I'm in a lot of pain here. 260 00:14:07,117 --> 00:14:09,278 Yeah, you know, I figured you'd be that way. 261 00:14:09,386 --> 00:14:12,184 So, uh, Coach gave me these. They're, uh, pills filled with oxygen. 262 00:14:12,289 --> 00:14:14,189 - Yeah? - And they keep you from being incontinent. 263 00:14:14,291 --> 00:14:16,191 Have one. They're called oxy-incontinent. 264 00:14:16,293 --> 00:14:18,693 Steve didn't have that quite right. 265 00:14:18,795 --> 00:14:22,561 But Michael thought Rita might be coming, and he was desperate to impress her. 266 00:14:22,666 --> 00:14:26,033 Meanwhile, Maeby was trying to get knocked out of the pageant. 267 00:14:26,136 --> 00:14:30,368 Pope impersonator, Church. How has God influenced your life? 268 00:14:30,474 --> 00:14:33,773 About just as much as Big Bird and the Keebler elves. 269 00:14:33,877 --> 00:14:39,213 Well, my faith would have been shaken if he had taken my legs too. 270 00:14:39,316 --> 00:14:42,717 Uh, Gob Bluth, State. 271 00:14:42,819 --> 00:14:46,084 I was betrayed by my brother Michael. 272 00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:48,419 Who's your favorite family member and why? 273 00:14:48,525 --> 00:14:52,518 Definitely not my shallow, materialistic mother, who only cares about looks. 274 00:14:52,629 --> 00:14:56,690 I think we all feel that way about our mothers. And we all have legs. 275 00:15:02,172 --> 00:15:05,835 Meanwhile, George Sr. arrived at the Startled Straight tent. 276 00:15:05,942 --> 00:15:07,967 I'll be waiting out here with my enlistment forms. 277 00:15:08,078 --> 00:15:11,878 So go in there and scare them right into my open arm! 278 00:15:11,982 --> 00:15:16,976 But as it turns out, the fair had two Startled Straight tents... 279 00:15:17,087 --> 00:15:20,215 and George Sr. Had wandered into the church-sponsored one... 280 00:15:20,323 --> 00:15:22,052 You wanna be some guy's girlfriend? 281 00:15:22,159 --> 00:15:26,596 Intended to scare gay young men into a heterosexual lifestyle. 282 00:15:26,696 --> 00:15:29,426 You wanna have some guy reach around you in the middle of the night... 283 00:15:29,533 --> 00:15:31,125 - start messing with your junk? - Is he ugly? 284 00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:34,601 No, it's pitch-black. You don't... You don't see him. 285 00:15:34,704 --> 00:15:37,298 It never stops, guys... 286 00:15:37,407 --> 00:15:39,500 and everybody acts like it's no big deal. 287 00:15:39,609 --> 00:15:42,237 Is there a cover charge? 288 00:15:42,345 --> 00:15:44,973 And the inner beauty pageant was down to the final three. 289 00:15:45,082 --> 00:15:48,279 Will it be the beautiful Hope Loblaw... 290 00:15:48,385 --> 00:15:51,411 the stalwart Annabelle Veal... 291 00:15:51,521 --> 00:15:55,514 or the justifiably bitter Surely Wolfbeak? 292 00:15:55,625 --> 00:16:00,119 It became clear that Surely was going to win. 293 00:16:00,230 --> 00:16:02,596 I'm sorry. This is wrong. 294 00:16:02,699 --> 00:16:06,157 And that's when Maeby displayed some real inner beauty. 295 00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:08,499 One of these girls deserves to win. 296 00:16:08,605 --> 00:16:10,197 She can stand! 297 00:16:10,307 --> 00:16:14,505 - Maeby? - That's how I know her. 298 00:16:14,611 --> 00:16:17,774 - Let us pray. - Oh, for God's sake. 299 00:16:17,881 --> 00:16:19,974 Praise the Lord! 300 00:16:20,083 --> 00:16:22,677 And Michael, now feeling a little woozy... 301 00:16:22,786 --> 00:16:24,845 arrived to see the triathlon course... 302 00:16:24,955 --> 00:16:29,119 which consisted of several tricycles, five inflatable pools... 303 00:16:29,226 --> 00:16:32,525 - What the hell is this? - and fathers and sons being manacled together. 304 00:16:32,629 --> 00:16:35,792 Don't let it psyche you out. Did that oxy-incontinent set in yet? 305 00:16:35,899 --> 00:16:38,129 You knew this is what the race was? 306 00:16:38,235 --> 00:16:42,069 Kind of. I mean, they change it every year so you can't replicate it on your lawn. 307 00:16:42,172 --> 00:16:44,299 Why did you let me train so hard? 308 00:16:44,407 --> 00:16:47,740 - I just thought you wanted to hang out and do guy stuff. - This isn't guy stuff. 309 00:16:47,844 --> 00:16:52,178 I don't know why I thought that you'd wanna do this. This is stupid, huh? 310 00:16:52,282 --> 00:16:55,149 No, Steve, Steve. You're not going anywhere. 311 00:16:55,252 --> 00:16:57,686 - You'll do it with me? - We're chained together. 312 00:16:57,787 --> 00:17:01,018 But, you know, Rita's not here yet, and what the hell. Let's go win this thing. 313 00:17:01,124 --> 00:17:03,684 - Let's win this thing! - What the hell. 314 00:17:03,793 --> 00:17:06,853 - What the hell! - Let's win this thing. Let's go ahead and start up. 315 00:17:06,963 --> 00:17:10,364 And after the pageant, George Michael went to congratulate Ann. 316 00:17:10,467 --> 00:17:13,163 Congratulations on coming in third. That's amazing. 317 00:17:13,270 --> 00:17:15,534 And I heard you're the first camel act to ever crack the top 10 too... 318 00:17:15,639 --> 00:17:17,539 so that's, like, a record. 319 00:17:17,641 --> 00:17:21,475 And I'm a bit relieved, because, um, I was... 320 00:17:21,578 --> 00:17:24,012 I thought maybe if you came in first, you would have outgrown me. 321 00:17:24,114 --> 00:17:26,708 - Outgrown you. - Mm-hmm. 322 00:17:26,816 --> 00:17:28,340 That is the term I've been looking for. 323 00:17:28,451 --> 00:17:30,351 It seems Gob was right... 324 00:17:30,453 --> 00:17:33,251 about what happens to third place contestants. 325 00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:34,846 I met a man. 326 00:17:34,958 --> 00:17:37,051 George Michael was devastated. 327 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:41,927 It seemed he'd lost his girl and his father because he wasn't man enough. 328 00:17:42,032 --> 00:17:44,762 And he was faced with a choice. 329 00:18:00,016 --> 00:18:05,044 Michael and Steve Holt finished their triathlon in first place. 330 00:18:05,155 --> 00:18:07,055 Of course, they were way older. 331 00:18:07,157 --> 00:18:09,455 Believe it or not, that took about everything I got. 332 00:18:09,559 --> 00:18:11,584 I don't know what was in that pill, but I do not feel so great. 333 00:18:11,695 --> 00:18:13,822 - It's gonna get a little worse before it gets any better. - Really? 334 00:18:13,930 --> 00:18:15,227 - We won! - Okay. 335 00:18:15,332 --> 00:18:16,731 - Hey, possible nephew. - Oh, hey. 336 00:18:16,833 --> 00:18:18,733 Michael, your son's signing up for the army. 337 00:18:18,835 --> 00:18:20,735 What? You signed him up for the army? 338 00:18:20,837 --> 00:18:22,771 Oh, my God, you're right. If he goes in, I can get out. 339 00:18:22,872 --> 00:18:24,897 - I've gotta get my name on his form. - Hang on! Hey! 340 00:18:25,008 --> 00:18:27,476 I gotta get there. I gotta stop this. 341 00:18:27,577 --> 00:18:29,772 Hey, you gotta do this with me. Come on. 342 00:18:29,879 --> 00:18:32,643 And that's when Rita noticed Michael. 343 00:18:32,749 --> 00:18:35,240 Wait for me. Wait for me. 344 00:18:35,352 --> 00:18:37,252 - Michael? - Hey. 345 00:18:37,354 --> 00:18:40,346 - Could you not finish? - No, no. First place. 346 00:18:40,457 --> 00:18:42,618 First place, I swear. But I'm sorry, I gotta go do something. 347 00:18:42,726 --> 00:18:44,751 - Wait, I'm dizzy. - Uncle Mike, come on. 348 00:18:44,861 --> 00:18:47,159 - I'll-I'll take you. - No, no, no, no. Steve, Steve... 349 00:18:47,264 --> 00:18:49,198 Let's go. Come on. Come on. 350 00:18:49,299 --> 00:18:51,699 And meanwhile, George Sr... 351 00:18:51,801 --> 00:18:55,464 hadn't succeeded in startling anyone but himself. 352 00:18:55,572 --> 00:19:00,100 I mean, there's nothing to do all day except lift weights and fold laundry... 353 00:19:00,210 --> 00:19:03,441 get thrown into a cage with a bunch of sweaty men. 354 00:19:03,546 --> 00:19:07,175 Excuse me. I can't go back. 355 00:19:07,284 --> 00:19:10,310 - I can't go back. - I'm glad he won't be there. He's ugly. 356 00:19:10,420 --> 00:19:14,550 George Sr. Came across a U.S. Army combat Humvee... 357 00:19:14,658 --> 00:19:16,558 and the pope mobile... 358 00:19:16,660 --> 00:19:19,561 and he decided to escape in the bulletproof one. 359 00:19:21,264 --> 00:19:24,700 Come on. I can't go back! 360 00:19:24,801 --> 00:19:27,998 - And Michael caught up with George Michael... - What are you doing? 361 00:19:28,104 --> 00:19:30,629 Who was three rungs away from being in the army. 362 00:19:30,740 --> 00:19:32,833 I'm becoming a man, Dad. Isn't that what everybody wants? 363 00:19:32,942 --> 00:19:35,706 Of course not. Gob, can you get us out of these chains, please? 364 00:19:35,812 --> 00:19:38,872 Oh, so you steal my son, and now you need me to save yours. 365 00:19:38,982 --> 00:19:42,145 - All right, one key coming up. - He's a magician. 366 00:19:42,252 --> 00:19:44,015 Yeah. We-We need you to sign this form. 367 00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:45,985 No, it's good, Dad. 368 00:19:46,089 --> 00:19:48,523 There's all sorts of benefits, and it's like a family. 369 00:19:48,625 --> 00:19:52,686 But it's also an army of one, and it's no place for wimps. 370 00:19:52,796 --> 00:19:56,823 You have a family, okay? And I'm the wimp, not you. 371 00:19:56,933 --> 00:20:00,562 Because I could not take you being away in the army, all right? 372 00:20:00,670 --> 00:20:03,332 I love you. 373 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:08,104 - That did it. - He's not signing up. 374 00:20:08,211 --> 00:20:10,907 That's too bad. I was this close to gettin' out. 375 00:20:11,014 --> 00:20:13,539 Hey, I think I'm gonna go get one of those corn dog crosses. 376 00:20:13,650 --> 00:20:16,847 - With all the "crucifixins"? All right. - Thanks, Dad. 377 00:20:23,626 --> 00:20:26,424 - Was that your son? - Yes, Rita. 378 00:20:26,529 --> 00:20:29,089 Yeah. The most important person in the world to me. 379 00:20:29,199 --> 00:20:32,896 You really are quite a man, Michael. 380 00:20:33,002 --> 00:20:34,970 - Do you really think so? - Oh, yes. 381 00:20:35,071 --> 00:20:38,370 You're a complete and utter!@%$#. 382 00:20:42,178 --> 00:20:45,147 I can't believe we had to bleep that. 383 00:20:45,248 --> 00:20:47,148 It would have been such a nice moment. 384 00:20:48,485 --> 00:20:50,453 On the next Arrested Development. 385 00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:53,579 Buster signs Steve Holt up for the army. 386 00:20:53,690 --> 00:20:57,626 No, no, you can't. You can't. I'm finally ready to be a father to you. 387 00:20:57,727 --> 00:21:00,890 - I know that now. - I don't go in for another two years. 388 00:21:00,997 --> 00:21:04,091 Well, as your father, can I sign something? 389 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,100 And George Sr. Finds out... 390 00:21:06,202 --> 00:21:08,170 - that a fake pope mobile... - I'll see you in hell! 391 00:21:11,341 --> 00:21:13,434 ...can't stop real bullets. 392 00:21:13,543 --> 00:21:16,307 Thank God I wasn't in the Humvee.