1 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:05,110 Chappelle's Show. Chappelle's Show. 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:06,100 Chappelle's Show. 3 00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:07,370 Chappelle's Show. 4 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:08,270 Chappelle's Show. 5 00:00:08,270 --> 00:00:09,970 Ow. 6 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,710 Whoo-hoo-hoo. 7 00:00:11,740 --> 00:00:13,440 Whoo-hoo. 8 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,610 Yeah, yeah. 9 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:18,210 Let's start the show. 10 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,420 (cheering and applause) 11 00:00:23,850 --> 00:00:25,590 (announcer) Ladies and gentlemen, 12 00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:29,930 put your hands together for Dave Chappelle! 13 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:34,700 (cheering and applause) 14 00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:38,600 Man... thank you so much. 15 00:00:38,630 --> 00:00:40,800 Thanks for joining us, you guys. 16 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:44,270 Welcome back to another episode of Chappelle's Show. 17 00:00:44,270 --> 00:00:46,440 Now, a lot of us go to the movies 18 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,610 and they seem a little fake, don't they? 19 00:00:48,610 --> 00:00:52,480 And, certain moments, you can't suspend your disbelief. 20 00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,650 Crocodile Dundee, for example. 21 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:55,980 Remember when the brother come up and, 22 00:00:55,980 --> 00:00:58,550 "give me your money, Crocodile Dundee." 23 00:00:58,550 --> 00:01:01,190 (Australian accent) "Oh, that's not a knife. 24 00:01:01,190 --> 00:01:03,330 This is a knife." 25 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,090 Any black dude in New York would have been like, 26 00:01:05,090 --> 00:01:07,660 "well, then this is a gun." 27 00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:09,860 The point is, those movies are phony baloney, 28 00:01:09,860 --> 00:01:12,900 so tonight I bring to you the real versions 29 00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:15,050 of some of my favorite movies. 30 00:01:15,070 --> 00:01:19,370 One of my favorite love movies, Ghost... 31 00:01:19,410 --> 00:01:21,580 where you find that even the afterlife 32 00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:24,580 can't separate you from true love. 33 00:01:24,610 --> 00:01:28,050 (audience laughing) 34 00:01:38,030 --> 00:01:42,360 Molly... Molly, Molly. 35 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,100 Hey, Molly, 36 00:01:44,130 --> 00:01:46,930 your husband's clothes fit funny, girl. 37 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:51,210 Well, they look better on you than they ever did on him. 38 00:01:51,470 --> 00:01:53,640 Why don't you take 'em off? 39 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,810 Not a bad idea. 40 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:57,110 Mm-hmm. 41 00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:59,310 You ready to get some of this lovin'? 42 00:01:59,310 --> 00:02:00,810 You bet your ass I am. 43 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:04,120 It's my dumb-ass husband who's dead, not me. 44 00:02:07,090 --> 00:02:09,690 You ready to step into the jungle? 45 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,470 (woman) Ooh, yeah. 46 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,330 What do you say? Oh, man! 47 00:02:15,330 --> 00:02:16,630 Molly! 48 00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,400 Oh, nigger, you know I see you. 49 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,570 You know... yeah, I'm looking right at you. 50 00:02:20,570 --> 00:02:23,140 You, the ghost, nigger, I see you. 51 00:02:23,170 --> 00:02:24,440 You're freaky, man. 52 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,210 You like to watch? You wanna watch? 53 00:02:26,210 --> 00:02:27,910 How this make you feel? 54 00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:29,650 Whee! 55 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,420 (laughter and applause) 56 00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:37,050 Hey, man, life's got to go on, right? 57 00:02:37,050 --> 00:02:39,220 Life's got to go on, life's got to go on. 58 00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:41,820 Now, I don't want to pick on everybody else 59 00:02:41,820 --> 00:02:44,830 without, uh, making fun of myself, so... 60 00:02:45,260 --> 00:02:47,460 let's take a look at the, uh, real version 61 00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:50,060 of a little movie called Half Baked, where... 62 00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:54,370 (applauding) 63 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,410 I think we all know the story: 64 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:58,740 Friend gets locked in jail, 65 00:02:58,740 --> 00:03:03,050 then his three friends have to sell reefer to make the bail. 66 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,680 Yo, Thurgood. Aah! 67 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:06,950 Yo, wake up, man. 68 00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:09,120 Yo, Kenny didn't come home last night, B. 69 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:10,450 We're really worried, man. 70 00:03:10,450 --> 00:03:12,590 Yo, he's in jail, yo. 71 00:03:12,620 --> 00:03:13,460 Jail? 72 00:03:13,890 --> 00:03:15,190 Yeah. 73 00:03:15,220 --> 00:03:16,930 I got it. 74 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,530 Why don't I break into the lab where I'm working? 75 00:03:19,530 --> 00:03:21,300 They got weed there, I'll steal it, 76 00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:23,030 we can sell it, and we'll make his bail. 77 00:03:23,030 --> 00:03:25,200 Psh... I don't want to do that. 78 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,340 No, man. No. 79 00:03:27,370 --> 00:03:28,640 All right. 80 00:03:29,070 --> 00:03:30,400 Y'all wanna smoke some weed? 81 00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:32,540 Yeah! Hell, yeah, B.! 82 00:03:32,970 --> 00:03:34,280 Wassup? 83 00:03:34,310 --> 00:03:35,610 Kenny's on his own, then. 84 00:03:35,610 --> 00:03:36,910 We need a new roommate! 85 00:03:36,910 --> 00:03:39,480 Yo, fuck Kenny, B.! 86 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,820 I hope he gets fucked in his butt in jail! 87 00:03:43,850 --> 00:03:46,420 Booty-fuck Kenny, man. 88 00:03:46,450 --> 00:03:49,020 (applauding) 89 00:03:49,460 --> 00:03:50,760 Knock, knock. 90 00:03:50,790 --> 00:03:52,490 (audience) Who's there? 91 00:03:52,530 --> 00:03:54,660 Some skits, bi-atch! 92 00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:57,200 (narrator) The year was 1955, 93 00:03:57,270 --> 00:04:00,300 and Danny Corey had never had sex. 94 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:03,770 In fact, he had never even kissed a girl. 95 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:07,710 But all his rookie inexperience gave him one clear advantage: 96 00:04:07,710 --> 00:04:09,410 A total lack of fear. 97 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,580 When you're that young and horny 98 00:04:11,580 --> 00:04:12,910 you got nothing to lose. 99 00:04:12,910 --> 00:04:15,480 During a screening of Rebel Without A Cause, 100 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,650 Corey had a brilliant idea. 101 00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:19,420 Using his Boy Scout pocket knife, 102 00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:22,020 he quickly carved a hole in the popcorn tub, 103 00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:24,630 to give his date more than just popcorn. 104 00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:26,760 This is a brilliant move. 105 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,700 (James "Skank" Scanton) Notice that he bought the large tub of corn, 106 00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:31,970 he bought butter, 107 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,020 he arranges it on his lap, smiles at her, 108 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,910 and this is where it happens, 109 00:04:38,940 --> 00:04:41,080 right... here! 110 00:04:41,510 --> 00:04:44,980 She realizes what she's touching and continues. 111 00:04:45,010 --> 00:04:48,880 Brilliant... just brilliant! 112 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:53,220 The "penis in the popcorn" is a classic 113 00:04:53,250 --> 00:04:55,390 that has set a new standard 114 00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:58,430 for reckless and desperate men everywhere. 115 00:04:58,860 --> 00:05:03,200 And we, including myself... 116 00:05:03,230 --> 00:05:07,540 because that's how I got this... 117 00:05:07,570 --> 00:05:11,010 wish to thank Danny Corey. 118 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:14,480 (narrator) Danny Corey would go down as a hook-up legend, 119 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,680 joining Harvey Randolph, the inventor of 120 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,760 the "we're out of gas" move, 121 00:05:18,810 --> 00:05:20,120 and Joey Newsom, 122 00:05:20,150 --> 00:05:22,720 the inventor of the seemingly platonic sleepover 123 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,790 that ends in dry-humping and, eventually, insertion. 124 00:05:25,790 --> 00:05:29,220 All of them great men, all of them pioneers. 125 00:05:29,260 --> 00:05:31,390 This has been... 126 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,680 all right, y'all, look, 127 00:05:35,730 --> 00:05:37,460 we're gonna take a quick commercial break. 128 00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:40,940 We'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show. 129 00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:43,540 (applause) 130 00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:47,040 Man, I'm bored. 131 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,650 I gotta go to the Chappelle's Show. 132 00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:56,980 Good evening, I'm Kent Wallace. 133 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,720 Since its inception, 134 00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:01,360 Hollywood has often been accused of racism. 135 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,490 But is it racist? 136 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:06,090 And if so, who are the culprits? 137 00:06:06,130 --> 00:06:08,730 Frontline embarked on a journey to answer these questions 138 00:06:08,730 --> 00:06:13,030 and what we uncovered... may shock you. 139 00:06:13,470 --> 00:06:16,100 (Kent Wallace) For years, "Rin Tin Tin" was adored by 140 00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:18,910 countless Americans for his TV exploits. 141 00:06:19,110 --> 00:06:20,870 Who stole the silver? (barking) 142 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,850 12 of them? Good boy, Rin. 143 00:06:23,010 --> 00:06:25,650 His acts of heroism and undying loyalty 144 00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:27,810 to his master were his trademarks. 145 00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:31,250 That is, until recent allegations surfaced. 146 00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:33,860 This is Justin Wilkes, 147 00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:36,490 a security guard in Montgomery, Alabama. 148 00:06:36,490 --> 00:06:38,230 For three decades, he has waged 149 00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:41,260 a personal crusade against the canine star. 150 00:06:41,260 --> 00:06:45,570 That dog that you call "Rin Tin Tin", I call "racist". 151 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,170 I saw the show. I saw the dog. 152 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,640 I said, "where do I know this dog from?" 153 00:06:52,070 --> 00:06:53,810 And it hit me. 154 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:59,010 Selma, Alabama, 1957 riots, in front of Woolworth's! 155 00:06:59,050 --> 00:07:01,650 So, you're saying that's you in the classic 156 00:07:01,650 --> 00:07:03,110 civil rights footage. 157 00:07:03,350 --> 00:07:05,120 Okay, see, that's a discrepancy right there. 158 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,720 What you calling "classic civil rights footage," 159 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,760 I call "footage of me getting bit on my ass 160 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:15,500 by a German Shepherd from Dusseldorf, Germany." 161 00:07:15,530 --> 00:07:18,530 If you would like to see, 162 00:07:18,570 --> 00:07:23,040 there's actually bite marks on my ass that can prove it. 163 00:07:23,070 --> 00:07:25,070 We hunted down the dental records 164 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:27,640 of the dog who played Rin Tin Tin. 165 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,840 A few days later, Mr. Wilkes returned, 166 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,580 and a canine dental expert compared 167 00:07:31,580 --> 00:07:33,720 the records with his scar. 168 00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:37,190 This is, uh, most definitely a match right here. 169 00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:38,490 What I say? 170 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,250 Come on, what did I say? 171 00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:42,390 That opened the floodgates. 172 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,160 In subsequent weeks, more African-Americans 173 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:46,330 came forward with similar accusations 174 00:07:46,330 --> 00:07:50,630 against iconic animals, breaking decades of silence. 175 00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:52,800 Mr. Ed. 176 00:07:52,830 --> 00:07:57,140 I worked with him for two years. 177 00:07:57,170 --> 00:08:00,180 That disgusting, bigot-ass horse! 178 00:08:00,210 --> 00:08:01,070 Mr. Ed, take four. 179 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,510 Oh, I better get out of here. 180 00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:07,980 Took ya I-I-long enough, n-n-nigger. 181 00:08:08,420 --> 00:08:11,490 I'll cut you, I'ma cut you, do you hear me? 182 00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:13,220 Boys, get her away from me! 183 00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:14,520 I know where you live, Mr. Ed. 184 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:15,820 I'm gonna cut you. 185 00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:19,290 There were also many rumors of his off-camera activities. 186 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,460 Frontline was sent, anonymously, 187 00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:25,770 this picture with this not-so-subtle note attached: 188 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:29,240 "Dear Frontline, this is Mr. Ed." 189 00:08:29,270 --> 00:08:34,010 But worse than Mr. Ed, worse even than Rin Tin Tin, 190 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,790 were the accusations lobbed at Flipper. 191 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,390 It's James, the nigger-hating dolphin! 192 00:08:51,390 --> 00:08:53,090 Get out! 193 00:08:53,130 --> 00:08:55,700 (dolphin squeaking) 194 00:08:55,730 --> 00:08:57,430 Shocking. 195 00:08:57,470 --> 00:09:00,070 Unfortunately, none of the animals in question 196 00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:02,640 are alive to offer a rebuttal. 197 00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:06,980 However, the estate of Mr. Ed did issue this statement: 198 00:09:07,010 --> 00:09:10,010 "We deeply regret the way Mr. Ed 199 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,650 "was taken advantage of by the Klan. 200 00:09:12,650 --> 00:09:16,080 "If it's any consolation, his best friend was 201 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,250 the Black Stallion." 202 00:09:18,290 --> 00:09:20,680 Next time on Frontline, we expose 203 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:23,460 racist Hollywood automobiles, 204 00:09:23,490 --> 00:09:26,930 and hear disturbing audio from the hit TV show 205 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,230 Knight Rider. 206 00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:30,830 (Kitt) Puerto Ricans are lazy, Michael. 207 00:09:30,830 --> 00:09:32,570 I'm Kent Wallace. 208 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:33,870 Good night. 209 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,640 (cheering) 210 00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:40,370 Ever see that movie with Mel Gibson, 211 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,540 uh, What Women Want, 212 00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:45,150 where he could read women's minds? 213 00:09:45,180 --> 00:09:46,910 See, that's the kind of movie you could 214 00:09:46,910 --> 00:09:49,080 only do with a guy like Mel Gibson. 215 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,250 You couldn't do the opposite of that movie, 216 00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:55,160 What Men Want, 'cause it'd be too gross and disgusting. 217 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,890 I wonder what it'd look like? 218 00:09:56,890 --> 00:10:00,420 Well, let's take a look at what it'd look like. 219 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,670 (elevator bell rings) 220 00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:06,870 Man, if I could just slide a finger down 221 00:10:06,870 --> 00:10:08,570 the crack of that ass. 222 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,310 Oh, mama. 223 00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:12,040 I wish my boys could see this. 224 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,810 Damn, look at the ass on that one. 225 00:10:13,810 --> 00:10:18,110 I want to have doggy-style sex with her, ugh. 226 00:10:18,550 --> 00:10:19,850 Oh, oh, baby! Damn! 227 00:10:19,850 --> 00:10:21,620 Look at them nipples, man. 228 00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:24,190 (elevator bell rings) 229 00:10:29,390 --> 00:10:32,860 (boy) I would put a hurtin' on that bitch. 230 00:10:33,290 --> 00:10:36,760 Damn! 231 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,500 (elevator bell rings) 232 00:10:44,570 --> 00:10:46,740 (laughing) 233 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:51,550 And on that note, we're gonna take a quick commercial break. 234 00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:53,710 We'll be right back, everybody, with more Chappelle's Show. 235 00:10:53,710 --> 00:10:55,420 Stick around. 236 00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:00,190 Turn on your TV. 237 00:11:01,490 --> 00:11:04,090 Oh, man, thanks. 238 00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:06,260 (applauding) 239 00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:10,600 You know, way back on the second episode, 240 00:11:10,630 --> 00:11:14,500 I did this piece about a, uh... a crack addict 241 00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:17,970 coming to a drug-awareness week at a school. 242 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,740 I got a lot of complaints about it. 243 00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:21,040 I got a lot of letters about it. 244 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,640 A lot of people said I was insensitive, so... 245 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,810 I brought him back again to the show. 246 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:29,250 Make some noise... Tyrone Biggums. 247 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,320 Okay, okay, remember now, we're not here to judge anybody, 248 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,490 we want to handle this with love, right? 249 00:11:34,490 --> 00:11:37,490 You want to tell him how his drug abuse has hurt you, 250 00:11:37,490 --> 00:11:39,260 and he hurt himself, okay? 251 00:11:39,260 --> 00:11:40,990 Harold, what time did you tell him to be here? 252 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,080 5:00, but he's always late. 253 00:11:43,130 --> 00:11:48,340 No, he'll be here... in three, two, one... 254 00:11:48,370 --> 00:11:51,810 is this the 5:00 free crack giveaway? 255 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:55,310 He's been away for a while but he's back around 256 00:11:55,310 --> 00:11:57,480 y'all tell anybody, I'll kill ya! 257 00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:58,510 I'll kill ya! 258 00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:00,910 The kookiest crackhead in the town 259 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,120 peanut butter and crack sandwich. 260 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:05,290 He kicked his habit back in the joint 261 00:12:05,290 --> 00:12:06,590 now he's back on point. 262 00:12:06,590 --> 00:12:08,320 Look out, crack, here I come! 263 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:09,160 (crashing) 264 00:12:09,590 --> 00:12:13,490 He's finally home, he's Tyrone. 265 00:12:13,530 --> 00:12:17,000 (narrator) This week, Tyrone gets invited to an intervention. 266 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,730 Oh, ya... lock the door, good idea. 267 00:12:18,730 --> 00:12:20,000 Hey. 268 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:23,470 Okay, Tyrone, do you know why you're here? 269 00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:26,540 Mm-hmm, I'm here for same reasons you is, man, 270 00:12:26,540 --> 00:12:28,240 I want some crack. 271 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,980 Crack. 272 00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:32,580 Okay, Tyrone, we are not giving crack away today. 273 00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:33,880 Uh-huh... wha... no, no. 274 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:34,780 What time is it? 275 00:12:34,780 --> 00:12:36,050 It's 5:00. 276 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,820 Did I miss the 5:00 free crack giveaway? 277 00:12:37,820 --> 00:12:39,990 Tyrone, Tyrone, these are your friends here, 278 00:12:39,990 --> 00:12:41,290 and they have something they'd like to say to you. 279 00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:42,590 I've been tricked! 280 00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:44,320 Okay, Tyrone, I'm what is known as 281 00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:45,630 an intervention counselor. Oh! 282 00:12:45,630 --> 00:12:47,790 Yeah, and these people would like to talk to you 283 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:48,660 about your drug use. 284 00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:49,930 What are you talking about, man? 285 00:12:49,930 --> 00:12:50,830 I don't do drugs. 286 00:12:50,830 --> 00:12:51,700 What y'all tell him, huh? 287 00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,430 Come on, Benedict Arnolds! 288 00:12:53,430 --> 00:12:54,730 What y'all tell him? 289 00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:56,900 Rhonda, would you like to go first? 290 00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:57,770 This is ridiculous. 291 00:12:57,770 --> 00:12:59,070 What is going on in here? 292 00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:01,640 Do we get crack at the end? 293 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:06,410 Tyrone, you know I love you, 294 00:13:06,850 --> 00:13:08,620 but I feel like drugs is hurting you 295 00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:11,190 and they're hurting me. 296 00:13:11,220 --> 00:13:14,250 Tyrone, I was very hurt that you carjacked me that time. 297 00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:15,560 What you talking about, Rhonda? 298 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,720 I would never carjack that ugly-ass car. 299 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:18,990 Get out the car! 300 00:13:19,430 --> 00:13:20,760 Tyrone, what are you doing? 301 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,460 Who's Tyrone, huh? 302 00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:23,800 I don't know Tyrone! 303 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,530 No, it's you with your crusty-ass lips! 304 00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:27,700 Stop playin', Rhonda, get out the car! 305 00:13:27,700 --> 00:13:29,400 Get out the car! 306 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:30,740 I don't know any Tyrone! 307 00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:33,310 Look, the police found you three hours later 308 00:13:33,310 --> 00:13:35,750 in my car, asleep, high on crack. 309 00:13:35,910 --> 00:13:37,240 That's impossible, Rhonda. 310 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,850 How can you sleep if you're high on crack, hmm? 311 00:13:39,850 --> 00:13:41,980 It's a Chinese riddle for you. 312 00:13:41,980 --> 00:13:44,580 Okay, let's have, uh, Jenny and Rob. 313 00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:46,320 I ain't do that, Rhonda. 314 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:50,220 Tyrone, we opened our home to you. 315 00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:51,830 You let your addiction 316 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,130 lead you to abuse our trust. 317 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,600 Oh, Jenny, R-Rob, look, y'all, 318 00:13:58,030 --> 00:13:59,330 it's me you're talking to, 319 00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:01,100 I... I would never hurt you. 320 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:03,270 Oh, don't play dumb with us, Tyrone. 321 00:14:03,270 --> 00:14:05,410 I remember the whole speech. 322 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:08,910 I just need $200, I take these real estate classes, 323 00:14:08,910 --> 00:14:11,220 and I'm back on my feet, baby. 324 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:12,380 I'm serious, Rob, 325 00:14:12,380 --> 00:14:14,110 it's me, baby, it's Tyrone. 326 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,250 I'm cleaning up my act. 327 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:17,550 Okay. Tyrone! 328 00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:21,020 Rob, Jenny, y'all ain't gonna be sorry about this. 329 00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:22,320 Oh! 330 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:26,260 (Tyrone) I studied my ass off for that real estate test. 331 00:14:26,260 --> 00:14:29,260 Agh! 332 00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:31,430 We're off to my mother's. 333 00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:32,770 We'll be back Sunday evening. 334 00:14:32,770 --> 00:14:34,930 The number's on the fridge if you need anything. 335 00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:37,070 Okay, bye, Jenny, bye, Rob. 336 00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:41,410 I passed my test and was a certified real estate agent. 337 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,140 Good for you, Tyrone. 338 00:14:43,180 --> 00:14:46,610 Yeah, damn right, good for him. 339 00:14:46,650 --> 00:14:49,250 (rob) He sold our house and kept the money. 340 00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:53,120 $450,000! 341 00:14:53,150 --> 00:14:55,290 Where's the money, Tyrone? 342 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:57,890 He spent it on a party. 343 00:14:57,930 --> 00:15:00,930 Took out an ad for it in the paper. 344 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,560 You didn't get your invitation for that party? 345 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,300 Oh, Rob, you should have seen it, 346 00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:07,470 we had a pile of crack this high. 347 00:15:07,470 --> 00:15:08,330 I had a heart attack. 348 00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:09,640 Heart attack, yeah. 349 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:10,500 I'll give you a heart attack! 350 00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:11,770 Rob, Rob, Rob! 351 00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:13,510 Come on, come on... 352 00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:16,140 I'm getting a restraining order against you, Rob. 353 00:15:16,140 --> 00:15:18,280 Harold, why don't you go next? 354 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:19,580 All right. 355 00:15:20,010 --> 00:15:23,050 Tyrone, I'm here because I love you. 356 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,820 Well, if you love me so much, Harold, 357 00:15:24,820 --> 00:15:27,420 why'd you get me fired from the post office, huh? 358 00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:28,720 Do you know how many people on your route 359 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,890 complained of receiving open mail? 360 00:15:30,890 --> 00:15:33,030 Seven? 361 00:15:33,060 --> 00:15:35,630 136, Tyrone. 362 00:15:35,660 --> 00:15:38,700 And then there was the incident with the powder. 363 00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:40,840 (sniffing) 364 00:15:43,870 --> 00:15:45,170 Oh! 365 00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:00,350 Attention, everybody, 366 00:16:00,390 --> 00:16:02,560 be on the lookout for any envelopes marked 367 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,560 "Senator Tom Daschle" or "Tom Brokaw". 368 00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,330 It might contain Anthrax. 369 00:16:07,330 --> 00:16:09,500 For your information, that's a little white powder. 370 00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:13,800 Harold, is Anthrax bad? 371 00:16:13,830 --> 00:16:15,540 Yes, Tyrone. 372 00:16:15,570 --> 00:16:17,740 And if it fell into the wrong hands 373 00:16:17,740 --> 00:16:19,470 it could be big trouble. 374 00:16:19,470 --> 00:16:22,040 I got that Anthrax and it's the bomb, baby. 375 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:22,910 60 bucks! 376 00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,240 If that man hadn't turned you in, 377 00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:25,980 it would've been a disaster. 378 00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:28,150 Y'all act like crack is so bad! 379 00:16:28,150 --> 00:16:30,320 Well, like the Good Book says: 380 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:35,060 Let he who is without sin, throweth the first rock 381 00:16:35,090 --> 00:16:38,960 and I shalt smoketh it. 382 00:16:38,990 --> 00:16:41,560 Basically, Tyrone, 383 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,200 we would like you to check into rehabilitation immediately. 384 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:45,470 Aw! 385 00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:50,240 All right, okay, fine, fine. 386 00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:51,970 You know what? 387 00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:54,140 I need to get better, y'all are right. 388 00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:57,640 But first step is first, I need to go to the bathroom, 389 00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,680 and then I'm on my way to recovery, Rhonda. 390 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:01,950 I got the key. 391 00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:03,720 And that wasn't me, Rhonda! 392 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:05,110 Go to the bathroom! 393 00:17:05,420 --> 00:17:08,050 Okay, thank... I've got it from here, thank you. 394 00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:10,190 I'll be right out. 395 00:17:10,220 --> 00:17:12,790 Oh! 396 00:17:12,830 --> 00:17:16,300 Oh, why didn't they say there ain't no windows in here? 397 00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:17,570 Oh! 398 00:17:24,070 --> 00:17:26,240 Here goes nothin'! 399 00:17:26,270 --> 00:17:29,280 (flushing) 400 00:17:29,310 --> 00:17:33,610 Drugs have ruined my life! 401 00:17:35,350 --> 00:17:37,950 He's finally home, he's Tyrone. 402 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,290 We're gonna take a quick commercial break, 403 00:17:42,290 --> 00:17:43,590 but don't worry, 404 00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:45,790 we'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show. 405 00:17:45,790 --> 00:17:47,930 (cheering) 406 00:17:50,530 --> 00:17:52,700 Chappelle's Show. Ow. 407 00:17:52,730 --> 00:17:55,740 I'd like to thank my studio audience for hangin' out, 408 00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:57,500 and, of course, I'd like to thank you at home. 409 00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:59,670 God bless ya, and I'll see ya next week. 410 00:17:59,670 --> 00:18:00,950 God bless America! 411 00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:03,980 (cheering and applause) 412 00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:06,150 I'm rich, bi-atch! 413 00:18:06,180 --> 00:18:07,050 (horn honking) 414 00:18:07,050 --> 00:18:08,750 Hi, thank you. 415 00:18:13,090 --> 00:18:15,290 We're really worried about him, Thurgood. 416 00:18:15,290 --> 00:18:16,590 What happened to him? 417 00:18:16,590 --> 00:18:18,260 Yo, he's in jail, yo. 418 00:18:18,290 --> 00:18:20,900 My God, jail. 419 00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:23,960 Hey, hey, why don't we break into that lab where I work? 420 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,410 They got weed there. 421 00:18:25,670 --> 00:18:27,430 We'll sell the weed and make his bail. 422 00:18:27,430 --> 00:18:29,140 No. No, man. 423 00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:31,740 Yo, why don't we sell crack, yo? 424 00:18:31,770 --> 00:18:32,610 Yeah. 425 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:33,910 Right? 426 00:18:33,940 --> 00:18:35,640 That's a lot more lucrative. 427 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:36,540 Hell, yeah, baby. 428 00:18:36,540 --> 00:18:38,250 We can grab some booty. 429 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:39,580 We're gonna sell some crack. 430 00:18:39,580 --> 00:18:41,280 Crack it is! 431 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:42,620 We're crack dealers, man! 432 00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:44,710 Yo, let's be crackheads, yo.