1 00:00:01,876 --> 00:00:03,043 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 2 00:00:03,126 --> 00:00:04,543 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 3 00:00:04,626 --> 00:00:06,210 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 4 00:00:06,043 --> 00:00:07,210 ♪ Ow! 5 00:00:08,751 --> 00:00:10,543 ♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo 6 00:00:10,626 --> 00:00:11,751 ♪ Whoo-hoo 7 00:00:11,835 --> 00:00:12,835 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 8 00:00:15,626 --> 00:00:16,918 Let's start the show. 9 00:00:20,918 --> 00:00:22,126 When the baby was born, 10 00:00:22,210 --> 00:00:24,335 I promised Karen I'd quit smoking, 11 00:00:24,418 --> 00:00:26,251 but I didn't know how. 12 00:00:26,085 --> 00:00:27,376 Well, that's when a friend of mine 13 00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:29,835 recommended "O'Dweeds". 14 00:00:29,918 --> 00:00:32,126 It's the first brand of marijuana 15 00:00:32,210 --> 00:00:33,710 with no THC, 16 00:00:33,793 --> 00:00:36,043 so it's like O'Doul's, but for weed. 17 00:00:37,376 --> 00:00:39,793 Now I can get that full reefer aroma, 18 00:00:39,876 --> 00:00:41,085 without any of the guilt. 19 00:00:45,918 --> 00:00:47,043 [gurgling] 20 00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:49,876 Shotgun, little buddy! 21 00:00:52,626 --> 00:00:55,168 Aw, honey, I think he likes it. 22 00:00:57,001 --> 00:00:59,751 This reminds me of when I was a girl 23 00:00:59,835 --> 00:01:01,293 and I used to smoke grass 24 00:01:01,376 --> 00:01:03,793 with all the Negro jazz musicians. 25 00:01:05,043 --> 00:01:06,043 Come on, Martha, 26 00:01:06,126 --> 00:01:08,001 now, puff, puff, give. 27 00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:10,710 Come on, you old bitch. 28 00:01:10,793 --> 00:01:12,460 [man] O'Dweeds. All the reefer, 29 00:01:12,543 --> 00:01:13,418 none of the guilt. 30 00:01:13,501 --> 00:01:14,960 [tapping] 31 00:01:17,085 --> 00:01:18,793 [Jamaican accent] I know what you're thinking, 32 00:01:18,876 --> 00:01:20,876 But it's O'Dweeds, man. 33 00:01:23,043 --> 00:01:24,210 Can I hit that? 34 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,126 Go on, take it. 35 00:01:30,126 --> 00:01:31,251 Tastes like the chronic, 36 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:33,626 and yet it's not. 37 00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:38,418 Wrong bag, man. 38 00:01:38,501 --> 00:01:40,126 [tires screeching] 39 00:01:41,251 --> 00:01:43,001 [man] Forget about your reefer needs, 40 00:01:43,085 --> 00:01:44,751 go ahead and try "O'Dweeds". 41 00:01:44,835 --> 00:01:46,293 From the makers of the Crack Patch. 42 00:01:48,668 --> 00:01:53,085 [announcer] Dave Chappelle! 43 00:01:53,168 --> 00:01:54,168 Hey! 44 00:01:54,918 --> 00:01:56,210 What's up? 45 00:01:57,335 --> 00:01:58,251 Hey, guys. 46 00:02:00,501 --> 00:02:03,168 You know, uh, my wife's little cousin, Andrew, 47 00:02:03,251 --> 00:02:04,251 put me onto these 48 00:02:04,085 --> 00:02:07,376 And1 Mixtapes, you ever seen those? 49 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:09,751 It is like the hottest thing you ever seen. 50 00:02:09,835 --> 00:02:11,710 These basketball tapes is the bomb. 51 00:02:11,793 --> 00:02:13,501 They got some of the nastiest street players 52 00:02:13,585 --> 00:02:15,001 I've ever seen in my life. 53 00:02:15,085 --> 00:02:17,085 Go ahead, show 'em some of that And1. 54 00:02:24,543 --> 00:02:26,168 [audience exclaiming] 55 00:02:29,543 --> 00:02:31,043 Oh, that was just nasty! 56 00:02:33,668 --> 00:02:34,418 Now... 57 00:02:37,626 --> 00:02:40,043 as dope as that was, 58 00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:41,543 the new And1 Mixtape kills it 59 00:02:41,626 --> 00:02:44,210 'cause it does all sports, not just basketball, 60 00:02:44,043 --> 00:02:45,168 and it's off the hook. 61 00:02:45,251 --> 00:02:46,835 Check it out, I'm serious. 62 00:02:52,751 --> 00:02:55,876 ♪ It only seems like I get everything that I want ♪ 63 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:56,835 ♪ I spit a lot of verbs... 64 00:02:56,918 --> 00:02:57,918 Oh! Oh! 65 00:02:58,001 --> 00:02:59,376 No, he didn't, no, he didn't! 66 00:03:11,210 --> 00:03:13,418 [hollering] 67 00:03:13,501 --> 00:03:14,793 Yo, yo, you ain't seen nothing. 68 00:03:14,876 --> 00:03:15,793 Wait 'til you see him hit, wait 'til you see him hit! 69 00:03:15,876 --> 00:03:18,251 Wait 'til you see him hit! 70 00:03:18,085 --> 00:03:22,001 ♪ I think it's a distorted mind But in a way fortified ♪ 71 00:03:22,085 --> 00:03:23,960 ♪ On the borderline With so much more to find ♪ 72 00:03:24,043 --> 00:03:26,501 ♪ A distorted mind But in a way fortified ♪ 73 00:03:26,585 --> 00:03:29,126 ♪ On the borderline With so much more to find ♪ 74 00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:30,335 ♪ The force is mine 75 00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:32,001 ♪ This source is sure to shine... ♪ 76 00:03:32,085 --> 00:03:34,418 [laughing] 77 00:03:34,501 --> 00:03:36,876 ♪ Not your average human being the flow is streaming... ♪ 78 00:03:38,168 --> 00:03:39,876 [cheering and hollering] 79 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:41,751 ♪ Flow with the feeling, It's so appealing... ♪ 80 00:03:44,626 --> 00:03:46,043 -Watch this! - Watch him, watch him! 81 00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:48,376 ♪ Strictly game, I never miss the pain ♪ 82 00:03:48,460 --> 00:03:49,918 ♪ And though people say I'm insane ♪ 83 00:03:50,001 --> 00:03:52,335 ♪ Mangle the game, Angle is to strangle the game ♪ 84 00:03:52,418 --> 00:03:55,126 ♪ And handle the change And stay sane and maintain... ♪ 85 00:03:57,460 --> 00:03:59,835 That's the baddest motherfucker I ever seen in my life! 86 00:03:59,918 --> 00:04:01,376 ♪ And not to be stopwatched 87 00:04:06,710 --> 00:04:09,126 ♪ Yo, with every ounce of friendship ♪ 88 00:04:09,210 --> 00:04:10,543 ♪ I support and back the rhythm ♪ 89 00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:13,335 ♪ And every track I give 'em, I'm just supporting fact-ivism ♪ 90 00:04:13,418 --> 00:04:14,126 ♪ In your face... 91 00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:15,960 [cheering and hollering] 92 00:04:17,335 --> 00:04:19,751 ♪ He jogs at beginner pace While I win the race ♪ 93 00:04:19,835 --> 00:04:21,876 ♪ Tip, lap a flow-flow... 94 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,460 [crowd hollering] 95 00:04:24,543 --> 00:04:26,585 ♪ I'm fun and being simple, So I had a test of decency... ♪ 96 00:04:26,668 --> 00:04:28,210 Oh, shit! 97 00:04:28,043 --> 00:04:30,210 ♪ Hit the studio and fuckin' manifest the frequency ♪ 98 00:04:30,043 --> 00:04:31,335 ♪ Get to truly know us 99 00:04:31,418 --> 00:04:32,960 ♪ And you'll get to see What we can see... ♪ 100 00:04:33,043 --> 00:04:34,126 [cheering and hollering] 101 00:04:36,835 --> 00:04:37,751 In your face! 102 00:04:39,168 --> 00:04:41,501 ♪ Give me a pocket full of cheese for these club rats ♪ 103 00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:44,168 ♪ And a big bag of treats For these club rats ♪ 104 00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:46,293 ♪ Yo, fresh dressed Like a million bucks ♪ 105 00:04:46,376 --> 00:04:49,168 ♪ Put on my white glow And my all-white tux ♪ 106 00:04:49,251 --> 00:04:50,126 ♪ Smellin' like some angel 107 00:04:50,210 --> 00:04:51,460 ♪ In case my dick get sucked 108 00:04:51,543 --> 00:04:53,668 ♪ You know that usually happens In the back of the truck ♪ 109 00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:55,168 ♪ If I'm packin' you duck... 110 00:04:57,001 --> 00:04:59,710 [crowd cheering and hollering] 111 00:05:08,751 --> 00:05:10,293 ♪ My dogs all ready to bark 112 00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:12,043 ♪ One of my nigga said he drunk so much ♪ 113 00:05:12,126 --> 00:05:12,918 ♪ He already about to fall... 114 00:05:13,001 --> 00:05:14,418 Yeah! 115 00:05:17,876 --> 00:05:19,043 [cheering] 116 00:05:19,126 --> 00:05:20,460 [man] Man, you the sickest motherfucker 117 00:05:20,543 --> 00:05:22,543 I ever seen in the alley, son! 118 00:05:22,626 --> 00:05:24,085 Wait 'til you see him play defense, 119 00:05:24,168 --> 00:05:24,876 you ain't seen nothin', yo! 120 00:05:28,751 --> 00:05:30,585 [exclaiming] 121 00:05:30,668 --> 00:05:33,168 ♪ Yo, stay on your knees For these club rats ♪ 122 00:05:33,251 --> 00:05:35,418 ♪ Don't forget the cheese 'Cause they love that ♪ 123 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:38,126 ♪ Give me a pocket full of cheese for these club rats ♪ 124 00:05:38,210 --> 00:05:40,001 ♪ And a big bag of treats For these club rats... ♪ 125 00:05:40,085 --> 00:05:43,043 [chanting] Gutterballs, Gutterballs... 126 00:05:44,918 --> 00:05:46,543 [cheering and hollering] 127 00:05:52,293 --> 00:05:54,335 We're gonna take a quick commercial break, y'all, 128 00:05:54,418 --> 00:05:55,710 But don't despair, 129 00:05:55,793 --> 00:05:58,918 we have jokes, and jokes, and jokes, and jokes. 130 00:06:02,043 --> 00:06:03,626 I drooled on myself. 131 00:06:03,710 --> 00:06:06,293 Yo, this Talib Kweli, BK, MC. 132 00:06:06,376 --> 00:06:08,335 And this is Mos Def, Pretty Flaco, 133 00:06:08,418 --> 00:06:10,043 Black Dante, the Boogieman. 134 00:06:14,543 --> 00:06:16,418 I don't know about y'all, but I used to play 135 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:19,126 a lot of basketball on the playground, growing up. 136 00:06:19,210 --> 00:06:21,960 And every time I would do something sweet or cool, 137 00:06:22,043 --> 00:06:24,293 I would shout out my favorite basketball player 138 00:06:24,376 --> 00:06:25,460 'cause I felt like him, 139 00:06:25,543 --> 00:06:27,293 you ever do that? [grunting] 140 00:06:27,376 --> 00:06:28,876 Jordan... 141 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:29,918 [laughing] 142 00:06:31,043 --> 00:06:33,460 Well, nowadays, we know so much about NBA players, 143 00:06:33,543 --> 00:06:35,668 not only can we do that on the basketball court, 144 00:06:35,751 --> 00:06:38,126 we can do that in our everyday lives. 145 00:06:38,210 --> 00:06:39,168 And I'll show you how. 146 00:06:42,043 --> 00:06:43,751 Kobe... 147 00:06:45,501 --> 00:06:47,001 You're under arrest. 148 00:06:49,168 --> 00:06:50,918 Rasheed Wallace. 149 00:06:54,126 --> 00:06:55,293 Damon Stoudamire. 150 00:06:56,126 --> 00:06:57,960 [snickering] 151 00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,085 My point is, Stevenson, 152 00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:00,085 you're gonna have to show 153 00:07:00,168 --> 00:07:01,251 a little more effort around here. 154 00:07:01,335 --> 00:07:02,793 More effort, huh? 155 00:07:02,876 --> 00:07:04,001 Sprewell! 156 00:07:05,168 --> 00:07:06,293 [grunting] 157 00:07:09,876 --> 00:07:12,793 Paul Pierce. Oh, ah. 158 00:07:12,876 --> 00:07:14,751 When are you gonna come and claim these kids? 159 00:07:15,543 --> 00:07:16,918 Every pro athlete ever. 160 00:07:21,585 --> 00:07:22,793 Wilt Chamberlain. 161 00:07:26,335 --> 00:07:27,543 Dennis Rodman. 162 00:07:29,168 --> 00:07:30,210 Oh, hell, no. 163 00:07:34,043 --> 00:07:35,210 O.J. 164 00:07:38,418 --> 00:07:39,460 Hey, guys. 165 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,126 Now, recently... 166 00:07:44,001 --> 00:07:45,960 Recently, People magazine 167 00:07:46,043 --> 00:07:47,626 actually said that my show 168 00:07:47,710 --> 00:07:51,460 was, uh, "Sub-sophomoric and immature." 169 00:07:51,543 --> 00:07:53,001 Something like that. 170 00:07:53,085 --> 00:07:55,210 I don't know why they would say that I'm immature. 171 00:07:55,043 --> 00:07:57,168 but if you think that my show is immature, 172 00:07:57,251 --> 00:07:59,168 then I would like to dedicate this next piece 173 00:07:59,251 --> 00:08:01,335 to whoever wrote that article at People. 174 00:08:05,168 --> 00:08:05,918 [tapping] 175 00:08:09,085 --> 00:08:10,626 [singing] 176 00:08:17,335 --> 00:08:18,085 [farts] 177 00:08:24,168 --> 00:08:25,043 [farts] 178 00:08:25,126 --> 00:08:28,293 ♪ Oh, lord 179 00:08:28,376 --> 00:08:29,835 [singing] 180 00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:38,835 [farts] 181 00:08:52,168 --> 00:08:53,251 [farts] 182 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:14,918 ♪ di-a-rrhea 183 00:09:16,418 --> 00:09:19,626 [vocalizing] 184 00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:28,793 Diarrhea! 185 00:09:30,126 --> 00:09:31,043 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 186 00:09:31,126 --> 00:09:35,835 ♪ Ow! 187 00:09:35,918 --> 00:09:39,376 Hi, and welcome to Trading Spouses, 188 00:09:39,460 --> 00:09:41,668 The show where we take two married couples, 189 00:09:41,751 --> 00:09:42,793 and you guessed it, 190 00:09:42,876 --> 00:09:45,585 make them trade spouses for a whole month. 191 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,085 Watch the sparks fly today, 192 00:09:47,168 --> 00:09:49,251 because for the first time on our show, 193 00:09:49,335 --> 00:09:52,251 we're going interracial. 194 00:09:52,085 --> 00:09:54,126 [man] Daddy's going away for a little while, alright? 195 00:09:54,210 --> 00:09:56,210 I'm gonna live with a white family. 196 00:09:56,043 --> 00:09:57,126 Y'all be good. 197 00:09:57,210 --> 00:09:58,751 What you goin' be doin' with a white family? 198 00:09:58,835 --> 00:10:00,751 It's a TV. show, say hi to America. 199 00:10:02,126 --> 00:10:03,043 Anybody try and touch your mother, 200 00:10:03,126 --> 00:10:04,043 punch him in his dick. 201 00:10:05,168 --> 00:10:06,751 Look, son, 202 00:10:06,835 --> 00:10:08,626 dad's going away for a few weeks. 203 00:10:08,710 --> 00:10:10,376 So, I want you to be good, okay, squirt? 204 00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:12,168 Whatever. 205 00:10:12,251 --> 00:10:13,585 I love you. 206 00:10:13,668 --> 00:10:15,501 Oh, Eskimo kisses. 207 00:10:19,585 --> 00:10:21,835 You must be little T-Mart. 208 00:10:23,043 --> 00:10:25,085 Would you like to call me daddy, hmm? 209 00:10:25,168 --> 00:10:27,460 Is it okay if I call you Mr. Deez? 210 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,251 Mr. Deez? 211 00:10:29,835 --> 00:10:31,043 Deez nuts! 212 00:10:33,210 --> 00:10:34,835 I... I don't understand. 213 00:10:36,501 --> 00:10:38,043 -What's happenin'? -You must be Leonard. 214 00:10:38,126 --> 00:10:39,210 That's right. 215 00:10:39,293 --> 00:10:40,501 Can I call you daddy? 216 00:10:40,585 --> 00:10:41,751 Hell no. 217 00:10:41,835 --> 00:10:43,460 Only your mama calls me daddy. 218 00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:46,168 Here, mop top, take my bag up to my room. 219 00:10:46,251 --> 00:10:47,876 And if I find out you been going through my shit, 220 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:49,918 I'm gonna beat you in your ass, you understand? 221 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,043 Hmm. 222 00:10:54,168 --> 00:10:56,460 Well, welcome, it's good to have you here. 223 00:10:56,543 --> 00:10:58,751 It's good to be here, come on, girl. 224 00:10:58,835 --> 00:11:00,085 Oh... Oh... 225 00:11:00,168 --> 00:11:01,085 -Oh. -Yes. 226 00:11:01,168 --> 00:11:02,543 I don't smell no dinner cooking. 227 00:11:03,918 --> 00:11:05,126 Run on, make some grits. 228 00:11:07,543 --> 00:11:08,335 Run on. 229 00:11:10,335 --> 00:11:12,210 What you cookin' for dinner, mister? 230 00:11:12,293 --> 00:11:15,168 Oh, yeah, well, I'm glad you asked, little buddy. 231 00:11:15,251 --> 00:11:17,126 Um, this here is cauliflower. 232 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,126 This is corned beef hash. 233 00:11:19,210 --> 00:11:21,168 And these are parsnips. 234 00:11:23,626 --> 00:11:25,085 What the fuck is a parsnip? 235 00:11:25,168 --> 00:11:26,668 Leonard, just so you know, 236 00:11:26,751 --> 00:11:28,918 Todd would usually do the dishes after dinner. 237 00:11:30,126 --> 00:11:32,168 Well, just so you know, 238 00:11:32,251 --> 00:11:34,751 his ass will be back April 13th. 239 00:11:34,835 --> 00:11:36,085 Go on, do your thing, girl. 240 00:11:36,918 --> 00:11:38,126 Mop top... 241 00:11:38,210 --> 00:11:39,126 you do your homework? 242 00:11:39,210 --> 00:11:40,501 Yeah. 243 00:11:40,585 --> 00:11:42,001 Well, go on upstairs and wash your ass 244 00:11:42,085 --> 00:11:43,126 and then we'll watch Martin Lawrence. 245 00:11:44,918 --> 00:11:46,876 Want me to light your cigarette for you too? 246 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:48,168 You better check your tone, girl, 247 00:11:48,251 --> 00:11:49,335 Get your inside voice on 248 00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:50,876 before I put your ass outside. 249 00:11:57,710 --> 00:11:59,126 [audience member] Mahogany. 250 00:12:02,085 --> 00:12:04,251 Racial profiling? 251 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,710 Who the fuck is Renee "Zellwedger"? 252 00:12:11,876 --> 00:12:13,251 What's wrong, sweetie? 253 00:12:13,085 --> 00:12:14,460 T-Mart's been back-talking me, 254 00:12:14,543 --> 00:12:16,168 and I need you to take care of it for me. 255 00:12:18,001 --> 00:12:19,168 T-Mart! 256 00:12:19,251 --> 00:12:22,043 Excuse me, I'll be right back. 257 00:12:22,126 --> 00:12:23,210 Alright. 258 00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:25,501 You're in big trouble, mister. 259 00:12:25,585 --> 00:12:27,126 What, you gonna hit me or something? 260 00:12:28,460 --> 00:12:29,835 You're going on time-out. 261 00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:34,460 For 15 minutes, okay? 262 00:12:34,543 --> 00:12:36,710 -Yeah-- -Starting now, T-Mart. 263 00:12:36,793 --> 00:12:37,835 Time-out! 264 00:12:40,085 --> 00:12:41,418 Time-out is sweet! 265 00:12:44,626 --> 00:12:46,126 Halle Berry, here I come. 266 00:12:47,085 --> 00:12:49,251 [rap music playing] 267 00:12:49,085 --> 00:12:50,251 [Leonard] Hey, mop top! 268 00:12:52,168 --> 00:12:53,793 What the hell you listening to? 269 00:12:53,876 --> 00:12:55,210 It's the new 50 cent. 270 00:12:55,043 --> 00:12:57,043 I'm from the streets, man. 271 00:12:57,126 --> 00:12:59,085 G-g-g-g-g-g...g-unit. 272 00:13:01,626 --> 00:13:03,210 Come on, get in the car. 273 00:13:04,501 --> 00:13:06,460 G-g-g-g-g-g... get yo' ass in the car, go on! 274 00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:12,960 Well, here you are, mop top, 275 00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:14,710 home sweet home, the 'hood. 276 00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:16,876 Alright, little fella, 277 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,210 say hello to your people for me. 278 00:13:18,293 --> 00:13:19,585 And tell 'em when you see 'em, 279 00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:21,710 that Leonard Washington is glad he made it out, go on. 280 00:13:21,793 --> 00:13:23,251 Go on. 281 00:13:23,085 --> 00:13:24,793 G-g-g-g-g-g... good-bye. 282 00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:27,460 And if you need money, sell rocks, 283 00:13:27,543 --> 00:13:28,876 I heard that's what they do around here. 284 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,126 [tires screech] 285 00:13:36,876 --> 00:13:38,418 What the hell is this? 286 00:13:40,710 --> 00:13:42,335 Damn, bitch, what's this, a lightsaber or something? 287 00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:46,085 -Night-night. -Hmm. 288 00:13:49,168 --> 00:13:51,335 Do you wanna have sex with me, Todd? 289 00:13:51,418 --> 00:13:53,126 Yes, I would like that very much. 290 00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:56,001 Okay. 291 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,001 -[soft music playing] -[Sharron] Oh! [chuckles] 292 00:13:58,918 --> 00:14:00,043 [Todd] Uh, excuse me. 293 00:14:02,543 --> 00:14:05,710 Do you mind if I turn off this R&B music? 294 00:14:06,751 --> 00:14:09,501 I kinda wanna hear you breathing. 295 00:14:09,585 --> 00:14:11,126 -Okay. -Alright. 296 00:14:12,335 --> 00:14:13,335 -[music player clicks] -[music stops] 297 00:14:14,376 --> 00:14:16,835 -[Todd] Oh. -[Sharron] Uh... 298 00:14:16,918 --> 00:14:18,501 [Sharron] Do you wanna take off your pajama bottoms? 299 00:14:20,085 --> 00:14:22,085 [Todd] Actually, I'd feel more comfortable 300 00:14:22,168 --> 00:14:24,376 if I just pulled my penis through this hole. 301 00:14:26,543 --> 00:14:28,126 I'm sorry, baby, 302 00:14:28,210 --> 00:14:29,418 I don't go south of the border. 303 00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:30,460 That's just one thing 304 00:14:30,543 --> 00:14:32,251 that Leonard Washington don't do. 305 00:14:32,085 --> 00:14:34,585 But... But, Leonard, it's okay, I'm waxed. 306 00:14:34,668 --> 00:14:36,043 Damn! 307 00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:38,210 Now, I done heard of trimming the hedges, 308 00:14:38,293 --> 00:14:39,793 but you done scorched the earth. 309 00:14:41,085 --> 00:14:42,960 [sniffing] 310 00:14:44,668 --> 00:14:45,876 I smell your lightsaber. 311 00:14:47,376 --> 00:14:48,376 Lightsaber? 312 00:14:49,085 --> 00:14:50,543 [object buzzing] 313 00:14:58,335 --> 00:15:01,293 Leonard and I hardly even talk anymore. 314 00:15:01,376 --> 00:15:03,293 The other night he came home at three in the morning. 315 00:15:03,376 --> 00:15:05,168 I had no idea where he was. 316 00:15:05,251 --> 00:15:07,626 He uses profanity around Jeffrey. 317 00:15:07,710 --> 00:15:09,793 I just don't feel like we're sharing. 318 00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:13,043 I don't feel like there's any reciprocity there. 319 00:15:13,126 --> 00:15:15,251 [Judy] How do you feel about all this, Leonard? 320 00:15:17,085 --> 00:15:19,210 Bitch, I'll never forgive you for this. 321 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,126 Go on, get in the car, warm it up. 322 00:15:23,168 --> 00:15:24,335 This is good, you can let out 323 00:15:24,418 --> 00:15:25,793 whatever you feel in here, Leonard. 324 00:15:25,876 --> 00:15:28,960 Alright, I'mma tell you right now, I ain't crazy, 325 00:15:29,043 --> 00:15:30,626 I don't need no psychiatrist. 326 00:15:30,710 --> 00:15:33,043 And if you ever tell anybody I've been in here, 327 00:15:33,126 --> 00:15:35,001 I'll fuckin' kill ya. 328 00:15:35,085 --> 00:15:36,251 [Judy] It's confidential here, Leonard. 329 00:15:36,335 --> 00:15:39,126 I won't tell anyone, it's just between us. 330 00:15:39,210 --> 00:15:40,585 Well then, confidentially, 331 00:15:40,668 --> 00:15:42,001 I am crazy, 332 00:15:42,085 --> 00:15:44,085 and I'll fuckin' kill ya. 333 00:15:44,168 --> 00:15:47,293 Well, it's been a wild and crazy month. 334 00:15:47,376 --> 00:15:50,876 Let's see what our interracial families have learned. 335 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,918 I learned a lot from Sharron 336 00:15:53,001 --> 00:15:54,543 and I learned a lot from little T-Mart. 337 00:15:54,626 --> 00:15:55,918 And quite frankly, 338 00:15:56,001 --> 00:15:57,793 I'll miss them both very much. 339 00:15:58,918 --> 00:16:00,210 And for the first time in my life... 340 00:16:01,626 --> 00:16:04,043 I tasted brown sugar, 341 00:16:04,126 --> 00:16:05,460 and not in my oatmeal. 342 00:16:05,543 --> 00:16:06,793 [chuckles] 343 00:16:07,918 --> 00:16:10,168 Yeah, being on this show taught me that, 344 00:16:10,251 --> 00:16:12,501 no matter where you come from, you know what I'm saying, 345 00:16:12,585 --> 00:16:13,918 or what color your skin is, 346 00:16:14,001 --> 00:16:17,251 we all pretty much do the same things in life. 347 00:16:17,085 --> 00:16:20,168 Raise our kids, make love from time-to-time, 348 00:16:20,251 --> 00:16:21,710 and wash. 349 00:16:23,543 --> 00:16:24,876 Speaking of which, 350 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,126 I learned that white people don't use washcloths. 351 00:16:27,210 --> 00:16:28,668 Did you know that? 352 00:16:28,751 --> 00:16:30,793 I'm serious, they have one bar of soap in the house. 353 00:16:30,876 --> 00:16:32,126 Every time I used it, 354 00:16:32,210 --> 00:16:33,626 somebody else's pubic hair was in it. 355 00:16:33,710 --> 00:16:35,210 So I use the cloth. 356 00:16:35,293 --> 00:16:37,293 Why your ass got to put the raw bar of soap 357 00:16:37,376 --> 00:16:38,835 in your butt and all this? 358 00:16:38,918 --> 00:16:41,335 Maybe I need to wash my face or my feet. 359 00:16:43,668 --> 00:16:46,501 Todd and Leonard are very different. 360 00:16:46,585 --> 00:16:48,710 Although, Len is the love of my life, 361 00:16:48,793 --> 00:16:51,168 in a different world, I could see myself with Todd. 362 00:16:52,835 --> 00:16:54,335 Although, the penis-through-the-hole thing 363 00:16:54,418 --> 00:16:55,460 was kind of weird. 364 00:16:57,626 --> 00:16:59,543 And I am missing some of my drawers. 365 00:17:02,085 --> 00:17:04,001 Oh! [sniffs] 366 00:17:04,085 --> 00:17:05,876 Oh, my gosh! 367 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,085 Ho-ho! [kisses] 368 00:17:08,793 --> 00:17:10,668 [licks] Titty residue. 369 00:17:10,751 --> 00:17:12,835 Hello? Hello? 370 00:17:16,418 --> 00:17:18,210 We're gonna take a quick commercial break, 371 00:17:18,043 --> 00:17:19,335 but don't go anywhere 372 00:17:19,418 --> 00:17:20,460 'cause we're coming right back 373 00:17:20,543 --> 00:17:22,543 with more Chappelle's Show, I promise. 374 00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:26,085 [laughing] 375 00:17:26,168 --> 00:17:27,668 So I got a little riddle for you. 376 00:17:27,751 --> 00:17:29,043 What happens when you take 377 00:17:29,126 --> 00:17:30,751 two of Brooklyn's finest MCs 378 00:17:30,835 --> 00:17:32,543 and put them together in a group? 379 00:17:32,626 --> 00:17:34,126 Well, then you have my next guests. 380 00:17:34,210 --> 00:17:37,043 Make some noise, Mos Def, Talib Kweli, 381 00:17:37,126 --> 00:17:38,376 Black Star. 382 00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:42,001 This is a real nigga PSA 383 00:17:42,085 --> 00:17:44,376 from the Black Star embassy in Brooklyn 384 00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:46,126 entitled "What is Beef?" 385 00:17:46,210 --> 00:17:48,710 ♪ Yo, I was sold to a sick European ♪ 386 00:17:48,793 --> 00:17:50,210 ♪ By a rich African ♪ 387 00:17:50,043 --> 00:17:53,043 ♪ Battlin' middle passages I can't go back again ♪ 388 00:17:53,126 --> 00:17:54,918 ♪ Battlin' years of denied history ♪ 389 00:17:55,001 --> 00:17:57,043 ♪ Lives were mysteries Wise and misty eyes ♪ 390 00:17:57,126 --> 00:17:59,210 ♪ Watchin' they niggas Be beaten viciously ♪ 391 00:17:59,043 --> 00:18:01,335 ♪ Battled in the wilderness Of North America ♪ 392 00:18:01,418 --> 00:18:03,210 ♪ Ran by the river Only stoppin' to pray ♪ 393 00:18:03,293 --> 00:18:05,793 ♪ Chased by predators, Terrorists with etiquette ♪ 394 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,126 ♪ Who vote and kill their president ♪ 395 00:18:07,210 --> 00:18:09,876 ♪ Their capacity for evil So evident and prevalent ♪ 396 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,376 ♪ Ain't no hesitation involved A nation dissolved ♪ 397 00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:14,293 ♪ While we sit back Waitin' to evolve ♪ 398 00:18:14,376 --> 00:18:15,710 ♪ Those who would trade in their freedom ♪ 399 00:18:15,793 --> 00:18:17,335 ♪ For their protection Deserve neither ♪ 400 00:18:17,418 --> 00:18:20,085 ♪ Fuck a name, fuck tradition, religion, we learn Jesus ♪ 401 00:18:20,168 --> 00:18:21,793 ♪ Turn the other cheek, Inherit the earth ♪ 402 00:18:21,876 --> 00:18:23,585 ♪ Just stay meek, Fuck the way you speak ♪ 403 00:18:23,668 --> 00:18:25,126 ♪ Try to walk, we chop off your feet ♪ 404 00:18:25,210 --> 00:18:27,085 ♪ Fast forward to 2003 405 00:18:27,168 --> 00:18:28,710 ♪ Niggas beef, the psychology 406 00:18:28,793 --> 00:18:30,501 ♪ A trojan, a slave That run deep, yo ♪ 407 00:18:30,585 --> 00:18:33,210 ♪ Hell yeah, hell, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yo ♪ 408 00:18:33,043 --> 00:18:34,335 ♪ What's beef? 409 00:18:34,418 --> 00:18:35,918 ♪ Hell, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yo ♪ 410 00:18:36,001 --> 00:18:37,168 ♪ That's beef 411 00:18:37,251 --> 00:18:38,418 ♪ Hell, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 412 00:18:38,501 --> 00:18:40,043 ♪ It's always your own people 413 00:18:40,126 --> 00:18:41,668 ♪ Sometime it's your own people yeah, yeah ♪ 414 00:18:41,751 --> 00:18:43,793 ♪ Hell, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yo ♪ 415 00:18:43,876 --> 00:18:45,168 ♪ What's beef? 416 00:18:45,251 --> 00:18:46,418 ♪ Hell, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yo ♪ 417 00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:47,668 ♪ That's beef 418 00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:49,126 ♪ Hell, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 419 00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:51,835 ♪ It's always your own people, Sometime it's your own people ♪ 420 00:18:51,918 --> 00:18:54,585 ♪ Yo, beef is not What Jay said to Nas ♪ 421 00:18:54,668 --> 00:18:57,585 ♪ Beef is when workin' niggas Can't find jobs ♪ 422 00:18:57,668 --> 00:18:59,876 ♪ City tryin' to find niggas to rob ♪ 423 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,543 ♪ Tryin' to find bigger guns So they can finish the job ♪ 424 00:19:02,626 --> 00:19:05,210 ♪ Beef is when the crack kids Can't find moms ♪ 425 00:19:05,293 --> 00:19:08,210 ♪ 'Cause they in a pine box Or locked behind bars ♪ 426 00:19:08,043 --> 00:19:10,668 ♪ Beef ain't The summer jam for HOT 97 ♪ 427 00:19:10,751 --> 00:19:13,543 ♪ Beef is the cocaine And aids epidemic ♪ 428 00:19:13,626 --> 00:19:16,251 ♪ Beef don't come With a radio edit ♪ 429 00:19:16,085 --> 00:19:18,835 ♪ Beef is when the Judge is calling you defendant ♪ 430 00:19:18,918 --> 00:19:21,585 ♪ Beef, it come with A long jail sentence ♪ 431 00:19:21,668 --> 00:19:24,043 ♪ Handed down to you In a few short minutes ♪ 432 00:19:24,126 --> 00:19:27,001 ♪ Beef is when your girl come through for a visit ♪ 433 00:19:27,085 --> 00:19:29,710 ♪ Talkin' about, "I'm pregnant by some other nigga" ♪ 434 00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:32,251 ♪ Beef is high blood pressure And bad credit ♪ 435 00:19:32,085 --> 00:19:34,918 ♪ Need a loan for your home and you're too broke to get it ♪ 436 00:19:35,001 --> 00:19:37,293 ♪ And all your little kids Is doin' is gettin' bigger ♪ 437 00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:40,043 ♪ You try not to raise 'em Around these wild niggas ♪ 438 00:19:40,126 --> 00:19:42,876 ♪ Beef is when a gold digger Got your seed in her ♪ 439 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,376 ♪ A manicured hand out Like "Pay me, nigga ♪ 440 00:19:46,710 --> 00:19:48,210 ♪ Or I'm tellin' your wife 441 00:19:48,043 --> 00:19:50,918 ♪ Or startin' up some foul rumor That'll ruin your life" ♪ 442 00:19:51,001 --> 00:19:53,043 ♪ Beef is when a gangsta Ain't doin' it right ♪ 443 00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:54,585 ♪ And other gangstas then decided ♪ 444 00:19:54,668 --> 00:19:56,126 ♪ What to do with his life 445 00:19:56,210 --> 00:19:58,460 ♪ Beef is not what these famous niggas do on the mic ♪ 446 00:19:58,543 --> 00:20:01,501 ♪ Beef is what George Bush Would do in a fight ♪ 447 00:20:01,585 --> 00:20:04,251 ♪ Beef is not what Ja said to 50 ♪ 448 00:20:04,085 --> 00:20:06,710 ♪ Beef is Walt and Irv Not bein' here with me ♪ 449 00:20:06,793 --> 00:20:09,418 ♪ When a soldier ends his life With his own gun ♪ 450 00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:12,043 ♪ Beef is tryin' to figure out What to tell his son ♪ 451 00:20:12,126 --> 00:20:14,751 ♪ Beef is oil prices and geopolitics ♪ 452 00:20:14,835 --> 00:20:17,335 ♪ Beef is Iraq, the West Bank and Gaza Strip ♪ 453 00:20:17,418 --> 00:20:20,043 ♪ Some beef is big And some beef is small ♪ 454 00:20:20,126 --> 00:20:22,335 ♪ But what y'all call beef Is no beef at all ♪ 455 00:20:22,418 --> 00:20:25,168 ♪ Beef is real life, Happenin' every day ♪ 456 00:20:25,251 --> 00:20:26,543 ♪ And it's realer than them songs ♪ 457 00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:27,793 ♪ That you dated Kay Slay ♪ 458 00:20:27,876 --> 00:20:30,251 ♪ This has been a Black Star PSA ♪ 459 00:20:30,335 --> 00:20:33,251 ♪ From Mos Def, Pretty Flaco, Black Dante ♪ 460 00:20:33,085 --> 00:20:36,085 ♪ And the Black Star embassy, B-to-the-K ♪ ♪ 461 00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,793 [cheering and applauding] 462 00:20:37,876 --> 00:20:39,335 I'd like to thank my guests, 463 00:20:39,418 --> 00:20:41,918 Black Star, Mos Def and Talib Kweli. 464 00:20:42,710 --> 00:20:43,751 God bless y'all, 465 00:20:43,835 --> 00:20:45,168 God bless America, 466 00:20:45,251 --> 00:20:47,835 God bless the world, 'cause we're in trouble. 467 00:20:47,918 --> 00:20:50,168 I'm out, I'll see you next year, God willin'! 468 00:20:50,251 --> 00:20:52,168 [cheering and applauding] 469 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,460 -[Dave] I'm rich, biatch! -[horn honking] 470 00:20:54,543 --> 00:20:56,126 [woman] Hi, thank you. 471 00:21:01,293 --> 00:21:02,376 Hold still, I'm gonna get you! 472 00:21:02,460 --> 00:21:04,251 I got it, I got it! 473 00:21:04,335 --> 00:21:06,793 [both straining] 474 00:21:06,876 --> 00:21:07,918 I'll rip the... 475 00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:09,085 Oh, you ripped my wig off. 476 00:21:10,043 --> 00:21:10,876 That's a good bit, 477 00:21:11,710 --> 00:21:14,918 we planned that. 478 00:21:15,001 --> 00:21:16,751 [man] Greatest show I've ever seen in my life. 479 00:21:19,335 --> 00:21:21,960 I don't think that this is gonna work. 480 00:21:22,043 --> 00:21:23,543 You're so much older than I am. 481 00:21:24,376 --> 00:21:25,210 How old are you? 482 00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:27,001 I'm 35. 483 00:21:27,876 --> 00:21:29,085 I'm 27.