1 00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:03,251 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 2 00:00:03,085 --> 00:00:04,543 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 3 00:00:04,626 --> 00:00:06,043 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 4 00:00:06,126 --> 00:00:07,168 ♪ Ow! ♪ 5 00:00:08,668 --> 00:00:10,543 ♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo ♪ 6 00:00:10,626 --> 00:00:11,960 ♪ Whoo-hoo ♪ 7 00:00:12,043 --> 00:00:13,210 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 8 00:00:15,543 --> 00:00:16,668 Let's start the show. 9 00:00:20,376 --> 00:00:23,085 [Announcer] Dave Chappelle! 10 00:00:23,168 --> 00:00:23,918 Man. 11 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:25,918 What's up, guys? 12 00:00:26,751 --> 00:00:28,210 And ladies, excuse me. 13 00:00:29,876 --> 00:00:31,126 Man, y'all, 14 00:00:31,210 --> 00:00:34,043 my album collection just keeps growing. 15 00:00:34,126 --> 00:00:36,001 I just got that 50 Cent. 16 00:00:36,085 --> 00:00:36,876 Damn! 17 00:00:38,043 --> 00:00:39,085 It's hot! 18 00:00:40,210 --> 00:00:42,085 He got the streets on fire. 19 00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:44,043 And it's them mix tapes, too, that's how he came up, 20 00:00:44,126 --> 00:00:45,335 with them mix tapes. 21 00:00:45,418 --> 00:00:46,501 But you know what it is? 22 00:00:46,585 --> 00:00:48,085 Now that he came out with them mix tapes 23 00:00:48,168 --> 00:00:50,626 and that DVD he had and his album, 24 00:00:50,710 --> 00:00:52,793 now everybody's trying to do it. So, it's like, 25 00:00:52,876 --> 00:00:55,501 record labels is just signing anybody from the streets 26 00:00:55,585 --> 00:00:57,668 thinking it's gonna be the next 50 Cents. 27 00:00:57,751 --> 00:00:58,710 That's ridiculous. 28 00:00:58,793 --> 00:01:00,335 I got one DVD in the mail from a... 29 00:01:00,418 --> 00:01:02,085 I don't even know who sent it to me, 30 00:01:02,168 --> 00:01:02,835 but it was crazy. 31 00:01:02,918 --> 00:01:04,460 Let me see this. 32 00:01:04,543 --> 00:01:06,460 Yeah, it's going down, you know how I get down. 33 00:01:06,543 --> 00:01:08,876 Funkmaster Flex and be clear, 34 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,293 all the big dogs know 35 00:01:10,376 --> 00:01:12,918 that my man Fisticuff rules the streets. 36 00:01:13,001 --> 00:01:14,751 And if you haven't heard that joint, 37 00:01:14,835 --> 00:01:16,751 "Turn My Headphones Up," 38 00:01:16,835 --> 00:01:18,376 you need to get with it, act like you want it. 39 00:01:18,460 --> 00:01:21,085 Watch out for your mind, all this is hot. 40 00:01:23,835 --> 00:01:25,210 What! 41 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:26,043 Ah! 42 00:01:26,918 --> 00:01:28,168 Turn my headphones up! 43 00:01:29,376 --> 00:01:31,126 I'm serious, nigga, turn them shits up! 44 00:01:32,335 --> 00:01:33,876 Turn 'em up! 45 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,210 Hold up... 46 00:01:35,043 --> 00:01:37,210 I'm serious, nigga, I can't hear outta this ear, 47 00:01:37,043 --> 00:01:38,251 turn my headphones up. 48 00:01:38,335 --> 00:01:39,835 I stabbed a brother in the neck 49 00:01:39,918 --> 00:01:41,293 with a butter knife for Fisticuff. 50 00:01:41,376 --> 00:01:42,668 Just 'cause. 51 00:01:42,751 --> 00:01:44,501 It ain't goin' platinum, it's goin' double-uranium, son. 52 00:01:44,585 --> 00:01:45,835 Uranium, ya heard? 53 00:01:45,918 --> 00:01:47,501 We poppin' bottles, stabbin' people, killin' people. 54 00:01:47,585 --> 00:01:49,418 Ah, yeah... 55 00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:53,210 Hold up, nigga, I can't hear out of my left headphone. 56 00:01:53,043 --> 00:01:55,501 This one, nigga, this is my left, turn it up! 57 00:01:57,168 --> 00:01:59,001 Why you drop the beat out, man? 58 00:01:59,085 --> 00:02:00,418 A'ight, here I go. 59 00:02:00,501 --> 00:02:02,168 You ready to rock it? 60 00:02:02,251 --> 00:02:04,460 You ready to see how we do on the streets? 61 00:02:04,543 --> 00:02:06,668 alright, make that beat drop. 62 00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:09,085 Nigga, I said drop, not drumroll. 63 00:02:09,168 --> 00:02:12,001 The ghetto, it's understood what this is, 64 00:02:12,085 --> 00:02:13,376 holla at ya boy! 65 00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:15,668 I'm sayin', nigga, you can't just put velvet 66 00:02:15,751 --> 00:02:18,210 in the shit and think they nice headphones! 67 00:02:18,293 --> 00:02:20,210 Where's my snares? 68 00:02:20,293 --> 00:02:22,168 Where's my snares? One, two, one, two. 69 00:02:23,168 --> 00:02:24,126 I'mma drop it like this, 70 00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,418 I'mma drop it like this, hold up, y'all. 71 00:02:25,501 --> 00:02:27,126 I'mma drop it like this, I'mma drop it like this. 72 00:02:27,210 --> 00:02:28,543 Ah, hold it. 73 00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:30,751 Turn my left headphone up a little more. 74 00:02:30,835 --> 00:02:32,960 [man] If you don't know about Fisticuffs by now, 75 00:02:33,043 --> 00:02:34,376 something's wrong with you. 76 00:02:34,460 --> 00:02:36,210 He's got the illest joint out right now. 77 00:02:36,293 --> 00:02:38,501 He's crazy with it, "Turn My Headphones Up." 78 00:02:38,585 --> 00:02:42,376 Nigga, I'm serious, I can't hear out of my left headphone. 79 00:02:42,460 --> 00:02:44,168 Turn that shit up! 80 00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:45,960 Okay, now, let that beat ride like that. 81 00:02:46,043 --> 00:02:47,710 That's right, here I come. 82 00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:50,460 I'm gettin' ready to drop it, y'all ready? 83 00:02:50,543 --> 00:02:52,085 Oh, nigga, just dropped the beat out. 84 00:02:52,168 --> 00:02:54,001 Oh, here we go, here's the real deal. 85 00:02:54,085 --> 00:02:56,168 Ah... Ah! 86 00:02:57,293 --> 00:02:59,668 Pump up that bass, pump up that bass! 87 00:02:59,751 --> 00:03:01,418 Pump it up, ah! 88 00:03:01,501 --> 00:03:02,668 -From the... -[music stops over headphones] 89 00:03:02,751 --> 00:03:03,293 -What happened? -[music starts over headphones] 90 00:03:03,376 --> 00:03:04,126 Oh... 91 00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:06,210 Well, is the beat gonna stop? 92 00:03:06,043 --> 00:03:08,085 His lyrics are so tight, 93 00:03:08,168 --> 00:03:09,835 they don't even have to rhyme. 94 00:03:09,918 --> 00:03:11,710 And the word on the street 95 00:03:11,793 --> 00:03:14,543 is late night, one night in the ghetto, 96 00:03:14,626 --> 00:03:18,210 my man got shot in his ear, like, eight times. 97 00:03:18,043 --> 00:03:19,751 What? Nigga, I can't hear, 98 00:03:19,835 --> 00:03:21,335 turn up my headphones! 99 00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:23,543 Turn 'em up, turn them shits up! 100 00:03:23,626 --> 00:03:25,085 Put some treble in it. 101 00:03:25,168 --> 00:03:27,168 Put some treble in it, that's my word. 102 00:03:27,251 --> 00:03:28,585 Alright, here we go. 103 00:03:28,668 --> 00:03:30,710 Hold up, nigga, I need some water. 104 00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:31,710 My throat's dry. 105 00:03:33,210 --> 00:03:35,126 Well, how the fuck do you expect me to rhyme 106 00:03:35,210 --> 00:03:37,668 if I can't talk, nigga? I'm thirsty. 107 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,168 What is this, jail, motherfucker? 108 00:03:39,251 --> 00:03:41,001 Cop the album that you need, 109 00:03:41,085 --> 00:03:42,376 "Turn My Headphones Up," 110 00:03:42,460 --> 00:03:45,126 it's on "Headphone Records," baby. 111 00:03:45,210 --> 00:03:46,876 There's a lot of heat right here. 112 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,001 Turn 'em up. 113 00:03:49,251 --> 00:03:51,085 Turn them shits up. 114 00:03:52,543 --> 00:03:54,585 Not for real, nigga, I'm sayin' on the paper, 115 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,001 I'm writin'! 116 00:03:56,085 --> 00:03:57,960 Yo, Fisticuff, if you need some new artistes, we down. 117 00:03:58,043 --> 00:03:59,710 I'm killin' people, we drinkin' malt, 118 00:03:59,793 --> 00:04:01,293 We bangin' chicks with no rubbers. 119 00:04:01,376 --> 00:04:03,626 -Left my bling-bling at home. -We keepin' it gangsta. 120 00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,043 Fisticuffs! 121 00:04:05,126 --> 00:04:07,126 You heard, what? 122 00:04:08,251 --> 00:04:09,751 You heard! 123 00:04:09,835 --> 00:04:11,001 What? 124 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:12,793 What? 125 00:04:12,876 --> 00:04:14,501 [man] Go get the biggest album 126 00:04:14,585 --> 00:04:16,085 of the year, baby! 127 00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:17,793 [cheering and applauding] 128 00:04:21,751 --> 00:04:23,918 We're gonna take a quick commercial break, y'all. 129 00:04:24,001 --> 00:04:26,168 We'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show. 130 00:04:26,251 --> 00:04:27,418 You heard? 131 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:28,501 What? 132 00:04:28,585 --> 00:04:30,001 [cheering and applauding] 133 00:04:30,085 --> 00:04:31,043 What? 134 00:04:33,210 --> 00:04:36,043 ♪ This ain't Neo soul this is De La Soul ♪ 135 00:04:36,126 --> 00:04:38,168 ♪ Three types of light without the lime ♪ 136 00:04:38,251 --> 00:04:41,085 ♪ Giving you intelligent shit With a fourth of grime ♪ 137 00:04:41,168 --> 00:04:43,210 ♪ Timely shit from time after time ♪ 138 00:04:43,043 --> 00:04:46,043 ♪ Or like that Brooklyn nigga said, "Igger-N I'm" ♪ 139 00:04:46,126 --> 00:04:49,168 ♪ L.I.'s finest with plug one, two, and three ♪ 140 00:04:49,251 --> 00:04:51,043 ♪ Nigga, Dave Chap "P" right behind us ♪ 141 00:04:52,585 --> 00:04:54,085 Man, I'm bored. 142 00:04:54,168 --> 00:04:55,918 I gotta go to the Chappelle's Show. 143 00:04:57,085 --> 00:04:58,043 Hey. 144 00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:01,710 Welcome back. 145 00:05:01,793 --> 00:05:03,251 Welcome back to Chappelle's Show. 146 00:05:05,793 --> 00:05:07,085 I gotta tell you, I'm real grateful 147 00:05:07,168 --> 00:05:09,168 that I had an opportunity to do this show. 148 00:05:09,251 --> 00:05:10,668 And one of the things 149 00:05:10,751 --> 00:05:13,293 it's given me an opportunity to do is give back. 150 00:05:13,376 --> 00:05:16,168 I recently joined the Make-A-Wish foundation. 151 00:05:16,251 --> 00:05:17,168 And I've had an opportunity to meet 152 00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:19,001 some extraordinary young people. 153 00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:21,668 And, uh, well, here's one of their stories. 154 00:05:28,168 --> 00:05:30,251 Oh, good, you're awake. 155 00:05:30,085 --> 00:05:31,043 Yeah. 156 00:05:31,126 --> 00:05:33,001 I have a surprise for you, sweetie. 157 00:05:33,085 --> 00:05:34,251 More applesauce? 158 00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:35,585 No, this is a good one. 159 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:38,418 You know how your favorite movie is Half Baked ? 160 00:05:39,918 --> 00:05:42,335 What if I told you Dave Chappelle is here? 161 00:05:42,418 --> 00:05:44,335 -Really? Where, mommy? -Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 162 00:05:44,418 --> 00:05:45,960 Come on in, Dave. 163 00:05:46,043 --> 00:05:46,960 [whispering] He's right here. 164 00:05:48,126 --> 00:05:50,293 Hey, your mom told me you were sick, 165 00:05:50,376 --> 00:05:52,960 so I figured I'd come by and pay you a visit. 166 00:05:53,043 --> 00:05:54,210 I'll leave you two alone. 167 00:05:54,043 --> 00:05:55,085 Okay, thanks. 168 00:05:56,418 --> 00:05:59,210 So what you got here, some PlayStation? 169 00:05:59,293 --> 00:06:01,293 [Billy] Street hoops, wanna play? 170 00:06:01,376 --> 00:06:03,210 I'm warning you, though, I'm pretty good. 171 00:06:03,043 --> 00:06:06,251 I don't know if I can take losing to a little guy like you. 172 00:06:06,085 --> 00:06:08,001 Come on, it's just a game. 173 00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:10,876 Alright, come on, let's play. 174 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,210 -Really? -Yeah, let's go. 175 00:06:12,293 --> 00:06:14,460 Alright, I'm player one, you're player two. 176 00:06:14,543 --> 00:06:17,126 Okay, I think I've done this before. 177 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,001 [Dave] Oh... 178 00:06:18,668 --> 00:06:20,835 Ah, 1-0, 1-0. 179 00:06:24,210 --> 00:06:25,918 That's two, that's me. 180 00:06:26,001 --> 00:06:28,001 Two up... Not for long. 181 00:06:28,710 --> 00:06:30,335 [Dave] Oh... Okay. 182 00:06:31,293 --> 00:06:32,168 Come on, Billy. 183 00:06:33,085 --> 00:06:34,085 Damn! 184 00:06:34,168 --> 00:06:35,085 Hooray for me! 185 00:06:37,585 --> 00:06:38,835 "Hooray for me." 186 00:06:38,918 --> 00:06:39,835 Alright, 187 00:06:39,918 --> 00:06:41,085 fine, you little bitch. 188 00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:42,585 You ain't scorin' no more, though. 189 00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:44,293 Come on, ball up. 190 00:06:44,376 --> 00:06:47,251 Gonna steal it, comin' down. 191 00:06:47,085 --> 00:06:49,543 Billy, look at my game, it must hurt. 192 00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:52,085 Oh! Oh, in your face! 193 00:06:52,168 --> 00:06:54,210 Billy, I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry, dude. 194 00:06:54,043 --> 00:06:55,168 It was good, though. 195 00:06:55,251 --> 00:06:56,168 It's all me, baby. 196 00:06:57,293 --> 00:06:58,751 Here it come. 197 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:01,126 A-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga! Hooray for me! 198 00:07:01,210 --> 00:07:04,210 Hooray for me, Billy, in your face! 199 00:07:04,043 --> 00:07:06,085 Children is our future, my ass! 200 00:07:06,168 --> 00:07:08,251 I'm the future, I'm the future. 201 00:07:08,085 --> 00:07:10,251 Oh! Ah, oh! 202 00:07:10,335 --> 00:07:11,876 You can't deny me, Billy! 203 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,418 You can't deny me, it's too real for you! 204 00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:16,126 What'd I say, you weren't gonna score no more. 205 00:07:16,210 --> 00:07:19,418 Tell your little friends that dreams do come true. 206 00:07:19,501 --> 00:07:21,668 Dave Chappelle came and saw you in the hospital 207 00:07:21,751 --> 00:07:23,876 and whupped your monkey-ass 208 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,085 in some Street Hoops. 209 00:07:25,168 --> 00:07:26,543 You think it's my first time? 210 00:07:26,626 --> 00:07:28,043 I got PlayStation, I'm rich. 211 00:07:29,168 --> 00:07:30,085 I'm rich, bitch! 212 00:07:32,126 --> 00:07:35,001 Here it come, wait... Oh! 213 00:07:35,085 --> 00:07:37,126 I don't wanna play anymore. 214 00:07:37,210 --> 00:07:38,835 You pick them little sticks up, white boy, 215 00:07:38,918 --> 00:07:40,043 and get to the game. 216 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,126 I have an agenda and it goes like this. 217 00:07:42,210 --> 00:07:43,001 Oh! 218 00:07:43,085 --> 00:07:45,335 Dave, I don't feel good. 219 00:07:45,418 --> 00:07:47,376 Could you call the nurse for me? 220 00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:51,126 Yeah, yeah, are you alright? 221 00:07:51,210 --> 00:07:52,251 Hold... Hold on. 222 00:07:53,793 --> 00:07:56,376 Nurse, could you come in here, please, quickly? 223 00:07:58,210 --> 00:07:59,085 Billy is getting 224 00:07:59,168 --> 00:08:01,376 his ass whupped on Street Hoops, 225 00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:02,376 I need a witness. 226 00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:04,418 Ah! Oh, dah! 227 00:08:05,626 --> 00:08:06,793 It's so good. 228 00:08:06,876 --> 00:08:08,168 -[monitor flat-lining] -Billy, it's so good. 229 00:08:08,793 --> 00:08:09,585 Billy? 230 00:08:10,918 --> 00:08:12,126 Billy? 231 00:08:12,210 --> 00:08:13,293 Oh, my god, Billy. 232 00:08:14,210 --> 00:08:15,668 Nurse! 233 00:08:15,751 --> 00:08:19,085 Billy, don't you die on me, don't you die on me! 234 00:08:19,168 --> 00:08:20,168 Clear! 235 00:08:23,251 --> 00:08:24,876 [steady beeping on monitor] 236 00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:26,543 Billy? 237 00:08:27,335 --> 00:08:28,251 Billy? 238 00:08:31,001 --> 00:08:32,085 You alright, man? 239 00:08:32,918 --> 00:08:33,918 Huh? 240 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,043 You okay, 241 00:08:36,126 --> 00:08:37,876 -you alright? -[groaning] 242 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,085 Here, grab your sticks, come on, let's go. 243 00:08:40,168 --> 00:08:43,210 Let's go, I'm whuppin' that ass now, almost done. 244 00:08:43,293 --> 00:08:44,918 I'm almost done. 245 00:08:45,001 --> 00:08:47,793 A-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga, in your face! 246 00:08:47,876 --> 00:08:50,085 Oh, Billy, I shoulda left you dead, baby, 247 00:08:50,168 --> 00:08:53,043 'cause that, that was a killer. 248 00:08:53,126 --> 00:08:56,043 Dave, can't you see I'm dying of cancer? 249 00:08:58,251 --> 00:08:59,210 Look, Billy... 250 00:09:01,543 --> 00:09:02,501 I'm sorry, man. 251 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,460 Look, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, 252 00:09:06,543 --> 00:09:09,960 I just... I'm just trying to teach you a lesson. 253 00:09:10,043 --> 00:09:12,626 You can beat cancer but if you wanna beat it, 254 00:09:12,710 --> 00:09:15,085 you gotta be tough, okay? 255 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,960 And I see it in you, Billy, 256 00:09:18,043 --> 00:09:19,168 you're gonna make it. 257 00:09:21,335 --> 00:09:22,168 Really? 258 00:09:23,251 --> 00:09:25,293 Hell no, nigga, you play like a bitch! 259 00:09:27,293 --> 00:09:28,835 Hold up. Game! 260 00:09:30,668 --> 00:09:33,710 In your face, in your face, Billy! 261 00:09:36,626 --> 00:09:37,460 Feel better. 262 00:09:41,418 --> 00:09:43,501 Half Baked sucked, anyway. 263 00:09:46,626 --> 00:09:48,835 We're gonna take a quick commercial break. 264 00:09:48,918 --> 00:09:51,543 We'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show. [chuckles] 265 00:09:54,710 --> 00:09:56,335 Oh, that kid is fine, come on, he was acting. 266 00:09:58,001 --> 00:09:59,418 No, you know when we thought of that sketch, 267 00:09:59,501 --> 00:10:01,418 we was on the tour bus 268 00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:02,835 playing a basketball game 269 00:10:02,918 --> 00:10:04,335 and that shit get so emotional, 270 00:10:04,418 --> 00:10:07,210 and I said, "If I was dying of cancer, nigga, 271 00:10:07,043 --> 00:10:08,543 you would still not let me win at it." 272 00:10:10,001 --> 00:10:11,043 Then I said, "Hey..." 273 00:10:11,126 --> 00:10:12,210 [laughing] 274 00:10:16,001 --> 00:10:17,293 Ha-ha, go ahead! 275 00:10:29,251 --> 00:10:32,876 Good afternoon, young man, can I help you? 276 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,918 Yeah, I was trying to buy a gremlin? 277 00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:36,251 -Eh? -[chuckling] 278 00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:37,501 I'm just playin' with you. 279 00:10:37,585 --> 00:10:39,043 Actually, I'm answering your ad in the paper. 280 00:10:39,126 --> 00:10:42,585 Ah, yes, the ca-me-ra. 281 00:10:42,668 --> 00:10:43,960 The ca-me-ra. 282 00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,001 Ah, here it is. 283 00:10:46,001 --> 00:10:48,085 How much did I say it was? 284 00:10:48,168 --> 00:10:50,626 Well, your ad says $300. 285 00:10:50,710 --> 00:10:52,293 Ah, for you, 286 00:10:52,376 --> 00:10:54,251 I give it to you for 100. 287 00:10:54,335 --> 00:10:56,168 Why, what's wrong with it? 288 00:10:56,251 --> 00:10:58,168 It has special powers. 289 00:10:58,251 --> 00:11:00,085 It will show you things 290 00:11:00,168 --> 00:11:04,376 some would pay not to see. 291 00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:06,501 Oh, snap, it gets Comic View ? 292 00:11:06,585 --> 00:11:10,710 It will reveal the inner hearts of mankind. 293 00:11:10,793 --> 00:11:13,001 If you press this button, 294 00:11:13,085 --> 00:11:14,918 it will reveal their true self. 295 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,960 If you flip that switch, 296 00:11:18,043 --> 00:11:20,335 it will record their innermost thoughts. 297 00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:22,751 Flip it one more time, 298 00:11:22,835 --> 00:11:25,293 and you can see the last person 299 00:11:25,376 --> 00:11:26,293 they had sex with. 300 00:11:26,376 --> 00:11:28,668 And with this last switch, 301 00:11:28,751 --> 00:11:30,501 it will show you 302 00:11:30,585 --> 00:11:33,543 where they will be in ten years. 303 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,710 Damn, man, Sony ain't playin', let me see that. 304 00:11:35,793 --> 00:11:36,543 No! 305 00:11:37,293 --> 00:11:39,210 You must buy it as is 306 00:11:39,293 --> 00:11:41,710 and once you purchase it, 307 00:11:41,793 --> 00:11:44,168 You may never return 308 00:11:44,251 --> 00:11:45,751 to this store again. 309 00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:49,001 Hold on, let me just think about that for a second, please. 310 00:11:51,418 --> 00:11:52,501 [camera beeps] 311 00:11:53,668 --> 00:11:55,126 [Dave] What kind of policy is this? 312 00:11:55,210 --> 00:11:57,835 I can't come back in? Fine. 313 00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,460 You can't come outside 'cause if it don't work, 314 00:11:59,543 --> 00:12:02,876 I'mma be out there and whup your monkey-ass. 315 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,043 Kick my ass, huh? 316 00:12:05,126 --> 00:12:07,168 Camera works, $100. 317 00:12:08,168 --> 00:12:09,168 One hundred. 318 00:12:11,335 --> 00:12:12,543 Can I get a receipt? 319 00:12:12,626 --> 00:12:15,293 [chuckles] I'm just playin'. Alright, man. 320 00:12:16,460 --> 00:12:18,876 Thank you, good luck. 321 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:19,793 Good luck? 322 00:12:28,085 --> 00:12:29,418 -Hey! -Hey, what's up, Dave? 323 00:12:29,501 --> 00:12:31,251 -Alright, dude, what's up, man? -How you doin'? 324 00:12:31,085 --> 00:12:32,168 Man, I'm just messin' 325 00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:33,001 -with this camera. -Oh, yeah? 326 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,460 -You mind if I, uh? -Nah. 327 00:12:34,543 --> 00:12:35,460 Alright, cool, man. 328 00:12:36,793 --> 00:12:37,918 -What up, Carson Daly? -[camera beeps] 329 00:12:38,001 --> 00:12:38,835 What's up, Dave? 330 00:12:40,043 --> 00:12:41,335 [cheering and applauding] 331 00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:49,835 Hey, folks, 332 00:12:49,918 --> 00:12:51,626 we're on in 2013. 333 00:12:51,710 --> 00:12:53,210 TRL, Carson Daly. 334 00:12:54,043 --> 00:12:56,001 Will you little fuckers shut up? 335 00:12:57,168 --> 00:12:58,835 How excited can you really be 336 00:12:58,918 --> 00:13:00,043 for a video you've seen 337 00:13:00,126 --> 00:13:01,585 fifty-eight times in a row? 338 00:13:03,001 --> 00:13:03,793 Fuck! 339 00:13:05,543 --> 00:13:07,168 -Alright? -Yeah. 340 00:13:07,251 --> 00:13:08,126 Alright, man, good to see ya. 341 00:13:08,210 --> 00:13:10,043 Alright, you too, man, take care. 342 00:13:10,126 --> 00:13:11,960 -See you later. -Hey, save your money, dude. 343 00:13:12,043 --> 00:13:12,960 Alright. 344 00:13:27,126 --> 00:13:28,918 [camera beeps] 345 00:13:29,001 --> 00:13:31,293 [man] Man, I look like that 7Up guy. 346 00:13:31,376 --> 00:13:33,085 Them white girls gonna come flockin'. 347 00:13:33,168 --> 00:13:34,626 Damn! 348 00:13:34,710 --> 00:13:38,126 [woman] I've been waiting out here for 45 minutes. 349 00:13:38,210 --> 00:13:40,376 Oh, I knew I should have brought a prettier friend. 350 00:13:41,626 --> 00:13:43,293 God, get surgery, bitch, 351 00:13:43,376 --> 00:13:44,918 you're so ugly. 352 00:13:45,001 --> 00:13:46,043 [man 1] Whoa, 353 00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:48,418 I think this ecstasy is starting to kick in. 354 00:13:49,668 --> 00:13:50,960 Am I freaking out? 355 00:13:51,043 --> 00:13:52,251 No... Yeah. 356 00:13:52,335 --> 00:13:54,918 Man, this bitch next to me needs surgery. 357 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:57,210 What's your name, big man? 358 00:13:57,293 --> 00:13:59,293 -Oh, uh... -[camera beeps] 359 00:13:59,376 --> 00:14:01,210 I said, what's your name, big man? 360 00:14:01,043 --> 00:14:04,126 Uh, Dave Chappelle, I'm here for Ann's birthday party. 361 00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:06,168 Also, I have a show on Comedy Central, 362 00:14:06,251 --> 00:14:07,335 Wednesdays, 10:30. 363 00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:12,835 [upbeat music] 364 00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:20,626 [man] Yo, Dave, 365 00:14:20,710 --> 00:14:21,876 -what's up, man? -Hey, hey. 366 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,876 Thanks for coming to my girl's birthday party. 367 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,376 And you brought your camera, that's perfect! 368 00:14:26,460 --> 00:14:27,668 I want you to tape something, alright? 369 00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:29,751 Yeah. 370 00:14:31,085 --> 00:14:33,543 Excuse me, everybody. Excuse me, everybody. 371 00:14:33,626 --> 00:14:34,543 If I could have your attention. 372 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,876 Ann, I have loved you 373 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,585 from the moment that I met you. 374 00:14:41,668 --> 00:14:43,126 Baby, will you marry me? 375 00:14:43,210 --> 00:14:45,043 -Yes! -Oh, pumpkin! 376 00:14:47,043 --> 00:14:48,043 [camera beeps] 377 00:14:54,418 --> 00:14:56,918 Dave, I want you to meet my co-worker, Mike. 378 00:14:57,876 --> 00:15:00,043 Yo, what's up, son... 379 00:15:00,126 --> 00:15:01,043 Yo, 380 00:15:01,126 --> 00:15:04,335 you a funny dude, man, you funny. 381 00:15:04,418 --> 00:15:05,376 Look, I'm gonna be right back. 382 00:15:05,460 --> 00:15:06,668 I'm going to the dance floor. 383 00:15:06,751 --> 00:15:07,835 Let's dance. 384 00:15:12,210 --> 00:15:13,126 [camera beeps] 385 00:15:14,751 --> 00:15:16,543 [Mike] Don't you want me, son? 386 00:15:20,835 --> 00:15:23,585 [man] And one and two, and one and two. 387 00:15:23,668 --> 00:15:24,960 Resume, look cool, 388 00:15:25,043 --> 00:15:27,126 and make my face look na-tur-al. 389 00:15:30,085 --> 00:15:31,418 Hey, you know what, y'all? 390 00:15:31,501 --> 00:15:34,085 I'm gonna just... I'm gonna get some rest. 391 00:15:34,168 --> 00:15:35,668 Good night. 392 00:15:35,751 --> 00:15:37,293 Congratulations, uh... 393 00:15:38,918 --> 00:15:40,126 Charlie's girlfriend. 394 00:15:47,335 --> 00:15:48,460 [Dave] Man, I don't know 395 00:15:48,543 --> 00:15:49,710 if I should mess with this camera thing. 396 00:15:50,918 --> 00:15:52,710 I should just turn this thing off 397 00:15:52,793 --> 00:15:55,251 and masturbate on the internet like I planned to. 398 00:15:56,585 --> 00:15:58,460 No, no, fuck it, I'mma go through with this. 399 00:15:58,543 --> 00:16:00,085 I gotta be a man, I'mma go through with this. 400 00:16:02,626 --> 00:16:03,835 [camera beeps] 401 00:16:07,918 --> 00:16:09,335 [Dave] Hey, hey... 402 00:16:09,418 --> 00:16:11,085 Hey, man. 403 00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:16,918 [camera beeps] 404 00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:21,876 Would you like some more pickles? 405 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,168 I gotta stop drinking. 406 00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:25,085 Oh! 407 00:16:29,085 --> 00:16:29,876 [camera beeps] 408 00:16:30,793 --> 00:16:32,085 How excited can you really be 409 00:16:32,168 --> 00:16:33,210 for a video you've seen 410 00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:35,126 fifty-eight times in a row? 411 00:16:36,251 --> 00:16:37,043 Fuck! 412 00:16:38,126 --> 00:16:39,168 What do you want? 413 00:16:39,251 --> 00:16:41,543 I just want to make a Total Request Live 414 00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,085 from my man, Justin Timberlake. 415 00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:44,918 Justin, it's me, Dave Chappelle. 416 00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:47,251 Star Search, 1992, I was with you, man, 417 00:16:47,085 --> 00:16:48,251 I was with you. 418 00:16:48,335 --> 00:16:50,460 "Champion Dave Chappelle receives 3 1/4 stars," 419 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:51,543 remember that, Ed McMahon? 420 00:16:51,626 --> 00:16:53,085 God rest his soul, I'm out. 421 00:16:53,168 --> 00:16:54,251 [screams] 422 00:16:54,085 --> 00:16:55,085 Oh! 423 00:16:56,085 --> 00:16:57,126 Fuck this camera! 424 00:17:02,251 --> 00:17:03,251 [glass shattering] 425 00:17:10,168 --> 00:17:11,543 Oh, oh... 426 00:17:11,626 --> 00:17:13,168 Oh, a camera! 427 00:17:13,251 --> 00:17:14,668 Ooh-wee! 428 00:17:15,460 --> 00:17:17,168 What these buttons do? 429 00:17:17,251 --> 00:17:18,210 [camera beeps] 430 00:17:18,293 --> 00:17:19,460 [Tyrone] I want some crack. 431 00:17:25,501 --> 00:17:27,126 [cheering and applauding] 432 00:17:30,460 --> 00:17:33,001 Alright, we're gonna take a quick commercial break. 433 00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:34,126 but don't go nowhere, 434 00:17:34,210 --> 00:17:37,126 'cause we got jokes and jokes and jokes. 435 00:17:37,210 --> 00:17:37,918 Be right back. 436 00:17:41,835 --> 00:17:43,501 Going to the Dave Chappelle show. 437 00:17:43,585 --> 00:17:44,460 How's this? 438 00:17:44,543 --> 00:17:45,335 Ho! 439 00:17:51,293 --> 00:17:52,085 Hey. 440 00:17:53,918 --> 00:17:56,793 Folks, this next musical act 441 00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:58,043 is, like, good friends of mine. 442 00:17:58,126 --> 00:18:00,793 One of my favorite groups ever in hip-hop history. 443 00:18:00,876 --> 00:18:05,168 Please make some noise for my brothers, De La Soul. 444 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:08,126 ♪ H-h-here we go again ♪ 445 00:18:08,210 --> 00:18:10,793 ♪ Go again, go again, go again ♪ 446 00:18:18,210 --> 00:18:21,168 ♪ Yo, it's been instilled in me Since in-fin-ite, y'all ♪ 447 00:18:21,251 --> 00:18:23,376 ♪ Usin' these minutes Like I value the call ♪ 448 00:18:23,460 --> 00:18:25,210 ♪ Put your money in the bank ♪ 449 00:18:25,043 --> 00:18:26,543 ♪ And hold rank over friends ♪ 450 00:18:26,626 --> 00:18:28,210 ♪ Who ain't got leadership skills ♪ 451 00:18:28,293 --> 00:18:31,043 ♪ I got the sheep in my eye So I can't sleep ♪ 452 00:18:31,126 --> 00:18:33,793 ♪ We like to land and lay The Brando way ♪ 453 00:18:33,876 --> 00:18:36,418 ♪ Grand operate the scandal way, El la shikes ♪ 454 00:18:36,501 --> 00:18:39,043 ♪ I play the Xbox Instead of fucking with dice ♪ 455 00:18:39,126 --> 00:18:42,168 ♪ I hate losin' to those Who walk away with my dough ♪ 456 00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:43,043 ♪ 'Cause I dozed ♪ 457 00:18:43,126 --> 00:18:44,585 ♪ Tracey broke me ♪ 458 00:18:44,668 --> 00:18:46,918 ♪ And now she wanna see The resident provokin' me ♪ 459 00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:49,751 ♪ To pop wheelies on my bicycle Watch her eyes twinkle ♪ 460 00:18:49,835 --> 00:18:51,918 ♪ One house, Two houses, third house ♪ 461 00:18:52,001 --> 00:18:53,585 ♪ House rules, So house take the bank ♪ 462 00:18:53,668 --> 00:18:55,085 ♪ Watch Dave bank ♪ 463 00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:58,043 ♪ Batter had him on the hawk Since Atlanta extravaganza ♪ 464 00:18:58,126 --> 00:19:00,168 ♪ Gamma ray rapper Make the Hulk snap ♪ 465 00:19:00,251 --> 00:19:01,876 ♪ Jump back like James Brown, hey now ♪ 466 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,126 ♪ Hey, now ♪ 467 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:04,418 ♪ When the liquor over, we smokin' the ♪ 468 00:19:04,501 --> 00:19:06,085 ♪ Hey, now ♪ 469 00:19:06,168 --> 00:19:08,668 ♪ Delegate numero dos, I holler out to Sal and Los ♪ 470 00:19:08,751 --> 00:19:10,501 ♪ And keep the island close to me ♪ 471 00:19:10,585 --> 00:19:13,085 ♪ And Dave Chappelle, the host, You see, yo ♪ 472 00:19:13,168 --> 00:19:15,085 ♪ Much more is what we got ♪ 473 00:19:15,168 --> 00:19:16,418 ♪ Much more ♪ 474 00:19:16,501 --> 00:19:18,293 ♪ Just believe me ♪ 475 00:19:18,376 --> 00:19:21,001 ♪ Than they could ever see ♪ 476 00:19:21,085 --> 00:19:24,168 ♪ Much more than they could see Is how it'll always be ♪ 477 00:19:24,251 --> 00:19:25,668 ♪ Believe me ♪ 478 00:19:25,751 --> 00:19:28,126 ♪ Ya gotta believe me ♪ 479 00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,293 ♪ I got verb, skills, babies, and bills ♪ 480 00:19:30,376 --> 00:19:31,793 ♪ Your brother who smoked crills ♪ 481 00:19:31,876 --> 00:19:33,835 ♪ Is still tryin' to get himself together from it ♪ 482 00:19:33,918 --> 00:19:35,710 ♪ No one can quite run it like me ♪ 483 00:19:35,793 --> 00:19:39,085 ♪ I'm on the cutting edge Of what's alleged to be hot ♪ 484 00:19:39,168 --> 00:19:41,876 ♪ And when you rock, It's just impersonations of me ♪ 485 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:43,001 ♪ The rightest MC ♪ 486 00:19:43,085 --> 00:19:44,751 ♪ MP with the "V" in the middle ♪ 487 00:19:44,835 --> 00:19:47,168 ♪ I belittle your plan courtesy ♪ 488 00:19:47,251 --> 00:19:49,001 ♪ Of the N-Y dirty "C," my man ♪ 489 00:19:49,085 --> 00:19:50,710 ♪ My base of fans Is made up of many ♪ 490 00:19:50,793 --> 00:19:52,251 ♪ We gets allergic to belts ♪ 491 00:19:52,085 --> 00:19:53,960 ♪ Lettin' their mind melt From drinkin' the Henny ♪ 492 00:19:54,043 --> 00:19:56,376 ♪ And my straightened-out types Who be waitin' to hear ♪ 493 00:19:56,460 --> 00:19:58,460 ♪ Them drums say the revolution is near ♪ 494 00:19:58,543 --> 00:19:59,793 ♪ Are you listening? ♪ 495 00:19:59,876 --> 00:20:02,376 ♪ Are your eardrums Open for christening? ♪ 496 00:20:02,460 --> 00:20:04,293 ♪ We got by the MCs with these tools ♪ 497 00:20:04,376 --> 00:20:05,751 ♪ While some others play God ♪ 498 00:20:05,835 --> 00:20:07,751 ♪ They just goddamn fools with it ♪ 499 00:20:07,835 --> 00:20:09,876 ♪ I don't cut mics, I rough mics up ♪ 500 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,043 ♪ Rough and rugged, Yet the girls still love it ♪ 501 00:20:12,126 --> 00:20:14,335 ♪ Still in all, Five-O came to my mic check ♪ 502 00:20:14,418 --> 00:20:17,668 ♪ Tellin' me I left lacerations Around my mic's neck ♪ 503 00:20:17,751 --> 00:20:20,168 ♪ Domestically disputed And you just might get ♪ 504 00:20:20,251 --> 00:20:23,043 ♪ The undisputed, underdog Serving y'all threat ♪ 505 00:20:23,126 --> 00:20:25,876 ♪ Much more is what we got in store... ♪ 506 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,126 Much more. 507 00:20:28,210 --> 00:20:32,501 ♪ It's much more Than they could ever see ♪ 508 00:20:36,210 --> 00:20:39,376 Folks, I'd like to thank my guest, De La Soul. 509 00:20:39,460 --> 00:20:41,126 I'd like to thank each and every one of you 510 00:20:41,210 --> 00:20:44,085 for being here with me tonight. 511 00:20:44,168 --> 00:20:46,376 And I'd like to thank you at home for watching. 512 00:20:46,460 --> 00:20:48,376 God bless y'all, I'm out. 513 00:20:49,293 --> 00:20:51,876 [cheering and applauding] 514 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,168 -[Dave] I'm rich, biatch! -[horn honking] 515 00:20:54,251 --> 00:20:56,085 [woman] Hi, thank you. 516 00:21:01,251 --> 00:21:02,835 [hip-hop music] 517 00:21:02,918 --> 00:21:03,918 It's Fisticuffs. 518 00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:07,085 This is Fisticuffs, 2003, bitch! 519 00:21:07,168 --> 00:21:08,210 Turn 'em up! 520 00:21:08,085 --> 00:21:10,835 Turn your motherfuckin' stereo up, what? 521 00:21:11,585 --> 00:21:13,168 Turn it up, I'm serious! 522 00:21:14,501 --> 00:21:16,585 You not gonna hear the intricacies of the beat 523 00:21:16,668 --> 00:21:19,168 if the volume's so low, turn it up! 524 00:21:20,293 --> 00:21:21,376 And that, nigga, 525 00:21:21,460 --> 00:21:24,126 that's how you make a hit, bitch! 526 00:21:25,001 --> 00:21:26,126 I am the man! 527 00:21:28,376 --> 00:21:29,251 That's right, 528 00:21:30,126 --> 00:21:31,043 turn 'em up!