1 00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:03,335 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 2 00:00:03,418 --> 00:00:05,251 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 3 00:00:05,085 --> 00:00:06,793 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 4 00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:08,293 ♪ Ow!♪ 5 00:00:09,293 --> 00:00:11,043 ♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo ♪ 6 00:00:11,126 --> 00:00:12,418 ♪ Whoo-hoo ♪ 7 00:00:12,501 --> 00:00:13,918 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 8 00:00:16,126 --> 00:00:17,251 Let's start the show. 9 00:00:21,293 --> 00:00:22,376 [cheering and applauding] 10 00:00:22,460 --> 00:00:23,626 [announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, 11 00:00:23,710 --> 00:00:25,376 put your hands together 12 00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:28,668 for Dave Chappelle! 13 00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:35,293 Man... 14 00:00:36,585 --> 00:00:37,626 Thank you so much. 15 00:00:38,585 --> 00:00:40,085 Thanks for joining us, you guys. 16 00:00:40,168 --> 00:00:43,335 Welcome back to another episode of Chappelle's Show. 17 00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:45,710 Now, a lot of us go to the movies 18 00:00:45,793 --> 00:00:48,043 and they seem a little fake, don't they? 19 00:00:48,126 --> 00:00:51,751 And, certain moments, you can't suspend your disbelief. 20 00:00:51,835 --> 00:00:53,918 Crocodile Dundee, for example. 21 00:00:54,001 --> 00:00:55,168 Remember when the brother come up and, 22 00:00:55,251 --> 00:00:57,335 "Give me your money, Crocodile Dundee." 23 00:00:57,418 --> 00:00:58,918 [Australian accent] "Oh, that's not a knife. 24 00:01:00,668 --> 00:01:03,126 This is a knife." 25 00:01:03,210 --> 00:01:04,251 Any Black dude in New York would have been like, 26 00:01:04,335 --> 00:01:05,335 "Well, then this is a gun." 27 00:01:07,126 --> 00:01:09,085 The point is, those movies are phony-baloney, 28 00:01:09,168 --> 00:01:12,085 so tonight I bring to you the real versions 29 00:01:12,168 --> 00:01:14,168 of some of my favorite movies. 30 00:01:14,251 --> 00:01:16,418 One of my favorite love movies, 31 00:01:16,501 --> 00:01:17,335 Ghost. 32 00:01:18,668 --> 00:01:20,626 Where you find that even the afterlife 33 00:01:20,710 --> 00:01:23,043 can't separate you from true love. 34 00:01:25,918 --> 00:01:27,043 [audience laughing] 35 00:01:32,168 --> 00:01:33,585 [crying] 36 00:01:37,501 --> 00:01:38,251 Molly... 37 00:01:39,335 --> 00:01:40,293 Molly, 38 00:01:40,376 --> 00:01:41,585 Molly. 39 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,251 Hey, Molly, 40 00:01:43,335 --> 00:01:45,710 your husband's clothes fit funny, girl. 41 00:01:48,168 --> 00:01:50,460 Well, they look better on you than they ever did on him. 42 00:01:51,376 --> 00:01:52,460 Why don't you take 'em off? 43 00:01:53,710 --> 00:01:55,543 -Not a bad idea. -Mm-hmm. 44 00:01:55,626 --> 00:01:58,210 You ready to get some of this lovin'? 45 00:01:58,293 --> 00:02:00,001 [Molly] You bet your ass I am. 46 00:02:00,085 --> 00:02:03,126 It's my dumb-ass husband who's dead, not me. 47 00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:09,043 You ready to step into the jungle? 48 00:02:09,126 --> 00:02:10,251 [Molly] Ooh, yeah! 49 00:02:12,043 --> 00:02:13,251 What do you say? 50 00:02:13,335 --> 00:02:15,626 [Dave] Oh, man! -Molly! 51 00:02:15,710 --> 00:02:17,543 Oh, nigga, you know I see you. 52 00:02:17,626 --> 00:02:19,876 You know... Yeah, I'm looking right at you. 53 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,876 You, the ghost, nigga, I see you. 54 00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:24,210 You're freaky, man. You like to watch? 55 00:02:24,043 --> 00:02:25,210 You wanna watch? 56 00:02:25,293 --> 00:02:27,168 How this make you feel? 57 00:02:27,251 --> 00:02:28,043 Whoo! 58 00:02:28,126 --> 00:02:30,335 [laughing] 59 00:02:34,043 --> 00:02:36,043 Hey, man, life's got to go on, right? 60 00:02:36,126 --> 00:02:38,626 Life's got to go on, life's got to go on. 61 00:02:38,710 --> 00:02:41,251 Now, I don't want to pick on everybody else 62 00:02:41,085 --> 00:02:44,126 without, uh, making fun of myself, so... 63 00:02:44,210 --> 00:02:46,293 Let's take a look at the, uh, real version 64 00:02:46,376 --> 00:02:48,585 of a little movie called Half Baked, where... 65 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,335 [audience applauding] 66 00:02:54,918 --> 00:02:56,043 I think we all know the story, 67 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,126 friend gets locked in jail, 68 00:02:58,210 --> 00:03:00,876 then his three friends have to sell reefer to make the bail. 69 00:03:03,418 --> 00:03:05,043 -Yo, Thurgood. -Aah! 70 00:03:05,126 --> 00:03:06,335 Yo, wake up, man. 71 00:03:06,418 --> 00:03:08,043 Yo, Kenny didn't come home last night, B. 72 00:03:08,126 --> 00:03:10,168 We're really worried, man. 73 00:03:10,251 --> 00:03:11,960 Yo, he's in jail, yo. 74 00:03:12,043 --> 00:03:13,293 -Jail? -Yeah. 75 00:03:14,835 --> 00:03:16,626 I got it. 76 00:03:16,710 --> 00:03:19,001 Why don't I break into the lab where I'm working? 77 00:03:19,085 --> 00:03:20,460 They got weed there, I'll steal it, 78 00:03:20,543 --> 00:03:22,126 we can sell it, and we'll make his bail. 79 00:03:22,210 --> 00:03:24,043 -[scoffs] -I don't want to do that. 80 00:03:24,126 --> 00:03:25,793 -No, man. -No. 81 00:03:26,710 --> 00:03:27,585 Alright. 82 00:03:28,418 --> 00:03:29,543 Y'all wanna smoke some weed? 83 00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:32,126 -Yeah! -Hell, yeah, B! 84 00:03:32,210 --> 00:03:33,085 Wassup? 85 00:03:33,168 --> 00:03:35,001 Kenny's on his own, then. 86 00:03:35,085 --> 00:03:36,043 We need a new roommate! 87 00:03:36,126 --> 00:03:38,001 Yo, fuck Kenny, B. 88 00:03:40,335 --> 00:03:42,293 I hope he gets fucked in his butt in jail! 89 00:03:43,876 --> 00:03:45,501 Booty-fuck Kenny, man. 90 00:03:45,585 --> 00:03:47,085 [applauding] 91 00:03:49,126 --> 00:03:50,293 Knock, knock. 92 00:03:50,376 --> 00:03:51,418 [audience] Who's there? 93 00:03:51,501 --> 00:03:52,668 Some skits, biatch! 94 00:03:54,418 --> 00:03:56,876 [narrator] The year was 1955, 95 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,793 and Danny Corey had never had sex. 96 00:03:59,876 --> 00:04:03,126 In fact, he had never even kissed a girl. 97 00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:06,918 but all his rookie inexperience gave him one clear advantage, 98 00:04:07,001 --> 00:04:09,043 a total lack of fear. 99 00:04:09,126 --> 00:04:10,835 When you're that young and horny, 100 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,251 you got nothing to lose. 101 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,793 [narrator] During a screening of Rebel Without a Cause, 102 00:04:14,876 --> 00:04:16,918 Corey had a brilliant idea. 103 00:04:17,001 --> 00:04:18,876 Using his Boy Scout pocket knife, 104 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,210 He quickly carved a hole in the popcorn tub, 105 00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:23,585 to give his date more than just popcorn. 106 00:04:23,668 --> 00:04:26,001 This is a brilliant move. 107 00:04:26,085 --> 00:04:29,751 Notice that he bought the large tub of corn, 108 00:04:29,835 --> 00:04:31,126 he bought butter, 109 00:04:31,210 --> 00:04:34,168 he arranges it on his lap, smiles at her, 110 00:04:35,335 --> 00:04:37,876 and this is where it happens, 111 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,501 right... here! 112 00:04:40,585 --> 00:04:44,168 She realizes what she's touching and continues. 113 00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:47,043 Brilliant... Just brilliant! 114 00:04:48,210 --> 00:04:50,085 The "Penis in the Popcorn" 115 00:04:51,043 --> 00:04:52,668 is a classic 116 00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,418 That has set a new standard 117 00:04:54,501 --> 00:04:57,001 for reckless and desperate men everywhere. 118 00:04:59,085 --> 00:05:02,043 And we, including myself... 119 00:05:03,043 --> 00:05:05,126 because that's how I got this... 120 00:05:06,668 --> 00:05:10,460 Wish to thank Danny Corey. 121 00:05:10,543 --> 00:05:13,376 [narrator] Danny Corey would go down as a hook-up legend, 122 00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:14,960 joining Harvey Randolph, 123 00:05:15,043 --> 00:05:17,251 the inventor of the "We Are Out Of Gas" move, 124 00:05:17,335 --> 00:05:18,751 and Joey Newsom, 125 00:05:18,835 --> 00:05:21,335 the inventor of the seemingly platonic sleepover 126 00:05:21,418 --> 00:05:23,043 that ends in dry-humping 127 00:05:23,126 --> 00:05:24,835 and, eventually, insertion. 128 00:05:24,918 --> 00:05:28,043 All of them great men, all of them pioneers. 129 00:05:28,876 --> 00:05:29,960 This has been, 130 00:05:30,043 --> 00:05:32,001 Great Moments in Hook-Up History. 131 00:05:33,668 --> 00:05:34,793 Alright, y'all, look, 132 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,293 we're gonna take a quick commercial break. 133 00:05:36,376 --> 00:05:40,668 We'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show. 134 00:05:44,001 --> 00:05:45,460 Man, I'm bored. 135 00:05:45,543 --> 00:05:47,293 I gotta go to the Chappelle's Show. 136 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,043 Good evening, I'm Kent Wallace. 137 00:05:56,126 --> 00:05:57,168 Since its inception, 138 00:05:57,251 --> 00:05:59,210 Hollywood has often been accused of racism. 139 00:05:59,293 --> 00:06:01,668 but is it racist? 140 00:06:01,751 --> 00:06:04,335 And if so, who are the culprits? 141 00:06:04,418 --> 00:06:07,210 Frontline embarked on a journey to answer these questions 142 00:06:07,043 --> 00:06:09,168 and what we uncovered... 143 00:06:10,168 --> 00:06:11,585 may shock you. 144 00:06:11,668 --> 00:06:14,460 [Kent] For years, Rin Tin Tin was adored 145 00:06:14,543 --> 00:06:17,543 by countless Americans for his TV exploits. 146 00:06:17,626 --> 00:06:19,210 -Who stole the silver? -[barking] 147 00:06:19,043 --> 00:06:21,085 Twelve of them? Good boy, Rin. 148 00:06:21,168 --> 00:06:24,168 [narrator] His acts of heroism and undying loyalty 149 00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:26,043 to his master were his trademarks. 150 00:06:26,126 --> 00:06:29,793 That is, until recent allegations surfaced. 151 00:06:29,876 --> 00:06:32,251 This is Justin Wilkes, 152 00:06:32,085 --> 00:06:35,043 a security guard in Montgomery, Alabama. 153 00:06:35,126 --> 00:06:36,710 For three decades, he has waged 154 00:06:36,793 --> 00:06:39,251 a personal crusade against the canine star. 155 00:06:39,335 --> 00:06:41,918 That dog that you call "Rin Tin Tin", 156 00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,626 I call "Racist". 157 00:06:44,835 --> 00:06:46,710 I saw the show. I saw the dog. 158 00:06:46,793 --> 00:06:49,085 I said, "Where do I know this dog from?" 159 00:06:50,126 --> 00:06:50,918 And it hit me. 160 00:06:52,418 --> 00:06:55,460 Selma, Alabama, 1957 riots, 161 00:06:55,543 --> 00:06:57,210 in front of Woolworth! 162 00:06:57,043 --> 00:06:59,168 So, you're saying 163 00:06:59,251 --> 00:07:01,835 that's you in the classic civil rights footage. 164 00:07:01,918 --> 00:07:03,418 Okay, see, that's a discrepancy right there. 165 00:07:03,501 --> 00:07:06,085 What you calling "classic civil rights footage," 166 00:07:06,168 --> 00:07:08,835 I call "footage of me getting bit on my ass 167 00:07:09,626 --> 00:07:10,668 by a German Shepherd 168 00:07:12,043 --> 00:07:13,335 from Dusseldorf, Germany." 169 00:07:15,251 --> 00:07:17,085 If you would like to see, 170 00:07:17,168 --> 00:07:21,210 there's actually bite marks on my ass that can prove it. 171 00:07:21,293 --> 00:07:23,460 [Kent] We hunted down the dental records 172 00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:26,085 of the dog who played Rin Tin Tin. 173 00:07:26,168 --> 00:07:27,918 A few days later, Mr. Wilkes returned, 174 00:07:28,001 --> 00:07:29,501 and a canine dental expert 175 00:07:29,585 --> 00:07:32,210 compared the records with his scar. 176 00:07:32,043 --> 00:07:34,210 This is, uh, most definitely 177 00:07:34,043 --> 00:07:35,585 a match right here. 178 00:07:35,668 --> 00:07:36,835 What I say? 179 00:07:36,918 --> 00:07:38,085 Come on, what did I say? 180 00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:40,460 That opened the floodgates. 181 00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:42,835 In subsequent weeks, more African-Americans 182 00:07:42,918 --> 00:07:45,001 came forward with similar accusations 183 00:07:45,085 --> 00:07:46,960 against iconic animals, 184 00:07:47,043 --> 00:07:49,043 breaking decades of silence. 185 00:07:49,126 --> 00:07:51,126 Mr. Ed. 186 00:07:51,210 --> 00:07:52,543 I worked with him 187 00:07:52,626 --> 00:07:55,418 for two years. 188 00:07:55,501 --> 00:07:58,251 That disgusting, bigot-ass horse! 189 00:07:58,335 --> 00:07:59,376 Mr. Ed, take four. 190 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,418 Oh, I better get out of here. 191 00:08:03,501 --> 00:08:06,085 [Mr. Ed] Took ya l-l-long enough, n-n-nigger. 192 00:08:07,335 --> 00:08:10,210 I'll cut you, I'mma cut you, do you hear me? 193 00:08:10,043 --> 00:08:11,293 [Mr. Ed] Boys, get her away from me! 194 00:08:11,376 --> 00:08:13,210 I know where you live, Mr. Ed. I'm gonna cut you. 195 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,085 [Kent] There were also many rumors 196 00:08:15,168 --> 00:08:16,793 of his off-camera activities. 197 00:08:17,876 --> 00:08:19,710 Frontline was sent, anonymously... 198 00:08:19,793 --> 00:08:20,960 This picture 199 00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:24,501 with this not-so-subtle note attached, 200 00:08:24,585 --> 00:08:27,501 "Dear Frontline, this is Mr. Ed." 201 00:08:27,585 --> 00:08:29,835 But worse than Mr. Ed, 202 00:08:29,918 --> 00:08:32,251 worse even than Rin Tin Tin, 203 00:08:32,335 --> 00:08:35,293 were the accusations lobbed at Flipper. 204 00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:49,876 It's James, the nigger-hating dolphin! 205 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,085 Get out! 206 00:08:51,168 --> 00:08:52,835 [dolphin squeaking] 207 00:08:54,126 --> 00:08:55,835 Shocking. 208 00:08:55,918 --> 00:08:58,210 Unfortunately, none of the animals in question 209 00:08:58,293 --> 00:09:00,876 are alive to offer a rebuttal. 210 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:05,168 However, the estate of Mr. Ed did issue this statement, 211 00:09:06,251 --> 00:09:07,710 "We deeply regret 212 00:09:07,793 --> 00:09:11,043 the way Mr. Ed was taken advantage of by the Klan. 213 00:09:11,126 --> 00:09:12,626 If it's any consolation, 214 00:09:12,710 --> 00:09:14,793 his best friend 215 00:09:14,876 --> 00:09:16,251 was The Black Stallion." 216 00:09:17,293 --> 00:09:19,126 Next time on Frontline, we expose 217 00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:21,168 racist Hollywood automobiles, 218 00:09:21,251 --> 00:09:23,918 and hear disturbing audio 219 00:09:24,001 --> 00:09:26,418 from the hit TV show Knight Rider. 220 00:09:26,501 --> 00:09:29,085 [KITT] Puerto Ricans are lazy, Michael. 221 00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:31,126 I'm Kent Wallace. 222 00:09:31,210 --> 00:09:32,168 Good night. 223 00:09:34,085 --> 00:09:36,418 [cheering and applauding] 224 00:09:36,501 --> 00:09:38,876 Ever see that movie with Mel Gibson, 225 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,210 uh, What Women Want, 226 00:09:41,043 --> 00:09:43,376 where he could read women's minds? 227 00:09:43,460 --> 00:09:44,626 See, that's the kind of movie 228 00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:47,585 you could only do with a guy like Mel Gibson. 229 00:09:47,668 --> 00:09:49,543 You couldn't do the opposite of that movie, 230 00:09:49,626 --> 00:09:52,418 What Men Want, 'cause it'd be too gross and disgusting. 231 00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,043 I wonder what it'd look like? 232 00:09:55,126 --> 00:09:57,293 Well, let's take a look at what it'd look like. 233 00:10:00,418 --> 00:10:01,835 [elevator bell dings] 234 00:10:03,793 --> 00:10:05,418 [man] Man, if I could just slide a finger down 235 00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:06,793 the crack of that ass. 236 00:10:07,501 --> 00:10:08,585 [man 1] Oh, mama. 237 00:10:08,668 --> 00:10:10,001 [man 2] I wish my boys could see this. 238 00:10:10,085 --> 00:10:13,085 [man 3] Damn, look at the ass on that one. 239 00:10:13,168 --> 00:10:15,710 [man 4] I want to have doggy-style sex with her, ugh. 240 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,001 [man 5] Damn! 241 00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:19,793 [man 1] Look at them nipples, man. 242 00:10:19,876 --> 00:10:20,876 [elevator bell dings] 243 00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:30,001 [boy] I would put a hurtin' on that bitch. 244 00:10:32,335 --> 00:10:34,043 Damn! 245 00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:36,418 [elevator bell dings] 246 00:10:43,501 --> 00:10:46,668 [laughing] 247 00:10:46,751 --> 00:10:49,710 And on that note, we're gonna take a quick commercial break. 248 00:10:49,793 --> 00:10:52,251 We'll be right back, everybody, with more Chappelle's Show. 249 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:53,043 Stick around. 250 00:10:55,126 --> 00:10:56,376 Okay. 251 00:10:56,460 --> 00:10:57,960 ♪ Turn on your TV ♪ 252 00:10:58,835 --> 00:11:00,168 Oh, man, thanks. 253 00:11:01,710 --> 00:11:02,501 You know, 254 00:11:06,335 --> 00:11:08,043 way back on the second episode, 255 00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:12,001 I did this piece about a, uh, a crack addict 256 00:11:12,085 --> 00:11:15,001 coming to a drug-awareness week at a school. 257 00:11:16,085 --> 00:11:17,043 I got a lot of complaints about it. 258 00:11:17,126 --> 00:11:18,376 I got a lot of letters about it. 259 00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:20,876 A lot of people said I was insensitive, so... 260 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,668 I brought him back again to the show. 261 00:11:23,626 --> 00:11:26,418 Make some noise. Tyrone Biggums. 262 00:11:26,501 --> 00:11:29,585 Okay, okay, remember now, we're not here to judge anybody, 263 00:11:29,668 --> 00:11:32,001 we want to handle this with love, right? 264 00:11:32,085 --> 00:11:34,043 You want to tell him how his drug abuse 265 00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:36,710 has hurt you, and he hurt himself, okay? 266 00:11:36,793 --> 00:11:38,543 Harold, what time did you tell him to be here? 267 00:11:38,626 --> 00:11:40,293 Five o'clock, but he always late. 268 00:11:40,376 --> 00:11:41,585 [woman] No, he'll be here... 269 00:11:43,085 --> 00:11:45,668 in three, two, one... 270 00:11:47,251 --> 00:11:50,043 Is this the five o'clock free crack giveaway? 271 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:53,043 ♪ He's been away for a while But he's back around... ♪ 272 00:11:53,126 --> 00:11:54,543 Y'all tell anybody, I'll kill ya! 273 00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:56,085 I'll kill ya! 274 00:11:56,168 --> 00:11:58,293 ♪ The kookiest crackhead In the town... ♪ 275 00:11:58,376 --> 00:12:00,543 Peanut butter and crack sandwich. 276 00:12:00,626 --> 00:12:03,251 ♪ He kicked his habit Back in the joint... ♪ 277 00:12:03,335 --> 00:12:05,126 Look out, crack, here I come! 278 00:12:05,210 --> 00:12:06,585 [thudding] 279 00:12:06,668 --> 00:12:09,335 ♪ He's finally home, he's Tyrone ♪ 280 00:12:11,085 --> 00:12:14,043 [narrator] This week, Tyrone gets invited to an intervention. 281 00:12:14,126 --> 00:12:16,126 Oh, ya... Lock the door, good idea. 282 00:12:17,043 --> 00:12:18,585 Hey. Okay, Tyrone, 283 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:21,168 do you know why you're here? 284 00:12:21,251 --> 00:12:24,085 Mm-hmm, I'm here for same reasons you is, man, 285 00:12:24,168 --> 00:12:26,501 I want some crack. [chuckles] 286 00:12:26,585 --> 00:12:27,626 -Crack. -[counsellor] Okay, Tyrone, 287 00:12:27,710 --> 00:12:29,793 we are not giving crack away today. 288 00:12:29,876 --> 00:12:31,043 -Uh-uh... -No, no. 289 00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:32,626 -What time is it? -It's five o'clock. 290 00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,668 Did I miss the five o'clock free crack giveaway? 291 00:12:34,751 --> 00:12:36,168 Tyrone... Tyrone, these are your friends here, 292 00:12:36,251 --> 00:12:38,168 and they have something they'd like to say to you. 293 00:12:38,251 --> 00:12:39,126 I've been tricked! 294 00:12:39,210 --> 00:12:40,376 Okay, Tyrone, 295 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,335 I'm what is known as an intervention counselor. 296 00:12:42,418 --> 00:12:43,460 -Oh! -Yeah. 297 00:12:43,543 --> 00:12:44,876 And these people would like to talk to you 298 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,168 about your drug use. 299 00:12:46,251 --> 00:12:48,043 What are you talking about, man? I don't do drugs. 300 00:12:48,126 --> 00:12:49,793 What y'all tell him, huh? 301 00:12:49,876 --> 00:12:51,126 Come on, Benedict Arnolds! 302 00:12:51,210 --> 00:12:52,168 What y'all tell him? 303 00:12:52,251 --> 00:12:54,251 Okay, Rhonda, would you like to go first? 304 00:12:54,335 --> 00:12:55,251 [Tyrone] This is ridiculous! 305 00:12:55,335 --> 00:12:56,418 What is going on in here? 306 00:12:56,501 --> 00:12:57,918 Do we get crack at the end? 307 00:13:01,126 --> 00:13:01,960 Tyrone, 308 00:13:02,793 --> 00:13:04,210 you know I love you, 309 00:13:04,293 --> 00:13:06,126 but I feel like drugs is hurting you 310 00:13:06,210 --> 00:13:07,085 and they're hurting me. 311 00:13:08,543 --> 00:13:11,251 Tyrone, I was very hurt that you carjacked me that time. 312 00:13:11,335 --> 00:13:12,335 What you talking about, Rhonda? 313 00:13:12,418 --> 00:13:15,126 I would never carjack that ugly-ass car. 314 00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:16,543 [man] Get out the car! 315 00:13:16,626 --> 00:13:18,251 [Rhonda] Tyrone, what are you doing? 316 00:13:18,335 --> 00:13:20,001 Who's Tyrone, huh? 317 00:13:20,085 --> 00:13:21,085 I don't know Tyrone! 318 00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:22,835 No, it's you with your crusty-ass lips! 319 00:13:22,918 --> 00:13:25,543 Stop playin', Rhonda, get out the car! 320 00:13:25,626 --> 00:13:26,918 Get out the car! 321 00:13:27,001 --> 00:13:28,085 I don't know any Tyrone! 322 00:13:28,168 --> 00:13:30,710 Look, the police found you three hours later 323 00:13:30,793 --> 00:13:33,126 in my car, asleep, high on crack. 324 00:13:33,210 --> 00:13:34,835 That's impossible, Rhonda. 325 00:13:34,918 --> 00:13:37,626 How can you sleep if you're high on crack, hmm? 326 00:13:37,710 --> 00:13:38,960 It's a Chinese riddle for you. 327 00:13:39,043 --> 00:13:39,835 [counsellor] Okay, 328 00:13:39,918 --> 00:13:41,751 let's have, uh, Jenny and Rob. 329 00:13:41,835 --> 00:13:43,043 [Tyrone] I ain't do that, Rhonda. 330 00:13:44,460 --> 00:13:47,835 Tyrone, we opened our home to you. 331 00:13:47,918 --> 00:13:49,210 You let your addiction 332 00:13:49,293 --> 00:13:51,918 lead you to abuse our trust. 333 00:13:52,001 --> 00:13:55,251 Oh, Jenny, Rob, look, y'all, 334 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,543 it's me you're talking to, 335 00:13:56,626 --> 00:13:58,335 I... I would never hurt you. 336 00:13:58,418 --> 00:14:01,251 Oh, don't play dumb with us, Tyrone. 337 00:14:01,085 --> 00:14:03,251 I remember the whole speech. 338 00:14:03,085 --> 00:14:04,960 I just need $200, 339 00:14:05,043 --> 00:14:06,418 I take these real estate classes, 340 00:14:06,501 --> 00:14:08,335 and I'm back on my feet, baby. 341 00:14:08,418 --> 00:14:09,668 I'm serious, Rob, 342 00:14:09,751 --> 00:14:11,210 it's me, baby, it's Tyrone. 343 00:14:12,210 --> 00:14:13,460 I'm cleaning up my act. 344 00:14:13,543 --> 00:14:15,085 -Okay. -Tyrone! 345 00:14:15,168 --> 00:14:17,668 Rob, Jenny, y'all ain't gonna be sorry about this. 346 00:14:19,251 --> 00:14:20,460 Oh! 347 00:14:20,543 --> 00:14:22,543 [Tyrone] I studied my ass off for that real estate test. 348 00:14:23,793 --> 00:14:24,918 [screaming] 349 00:14:27,418 --> 00:14:28,751 We're off to my mother's. 350 00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:30,085 We'll be back Sunday evening. 351 00:14:30,168 --> 00:14:32,210 The number's on the fridge if you need anything. 352 00:14:32,293 --> 00:14:34,543 Okay, bye, Jenny. Bye, Rob. 353 00:14:34,626 --> 00:14:35,876 [Tyrone] I passed my test 354 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,626 and was a certified real estate agent. 355 00:14:39,376 --> 00:14:41,168 Good for you, Tyrone. 356 00:14:41,251 --> 00:14:44,460 Yeah, damn right, good for him. 357 00:14:44,543 --> 00:14:46,793 [Rob] He sold our house and kept the money. 358 00:14:46,876 --> 00:14:50,376 $450,000! 359 00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:52,626 Where's the money, Tyrone? 360 00:14:52,710 --> 00:14:54,335 He spent it on a party. 361 00:14:56,001 --> 00:14:57,126 Took out an ad for it in the paper. 362 00:14:58,918 --> 00:15:00,585 [Tyrone] You didn't get your invitation for that party? 363 00:15:01,751 --> 00:15:02,793 oh, Rob, you should have seen it, 364 00:15:02,876 --> 00:15:04,835 we had a pile of crack this high. 365 00:15:04,918 --> 00:15:06,835 -I had a heart attack. -Heart attack, yeah. 366 00:15:06,918 --> 00:15:07,918 I'll give you a heart attack! 367 00:15:08,001 --> 00:15:09,126 -Rob, Rob, Rob! -[Tyrone] Rob! 368 00:15:09,210 --> 00:15:10,918 Come on, come on, come on. 369 00:15:11,001 --> 00:15:13,293 I'm getting a restraining order against you, Rob. 370 00:15:13,376 --> 00:15:15,251 Harold, why don't you go next? 371 00:15:15,085 --> 00:15:16,085 Alright. 372 00:15:17,126 --> 00:15:18,043 Tyrone, 373 00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:20,668 I'm here because I love you. 374 00:15:20,751 --> 00:15:22,585 Well, if you love me so much, Harold, 375 00:15:22,668 --> 00:15:24,918 why'd you get me fired from the post office, huh? 376 00:15:25,001 --> 00:15:26,376 Do you know how many people on your route 377 00:15:26,460 --> 00:15:28,251 complained of receiving open mail? 378 00:15:29,376 --> 00:15:30,418 Seven? 379 00:15:30,501 --> 00:15:33,418 Hundred and thirty-six, Tyrone. 380 00:15:33,501 --> 00:15:35,710 And then there was the incident with the powder. 381 00:15:36,210 --> 00:15:38,043 [sniffing] 382 00:15:41,168 --> 00:15:42,085 Oh! 383 00:15:56,043 --> 00:15:57,876 Attention, everybody, 384 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,210 Be on the lookout for any envelopes marked 385 00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:02,960 "Senator Tom Daschle" or "Tom Brokaw". 386 00:16:03,043 --> 00:16:04,460 It might contain anthrax. 387 00:16:04,543 --> 00:16:06,376 For your information, that's a little white powder. 388 00:16:06,460 --> 00:16:07,376 Harold, 389 00:16:08,876 --> 00:16:10,501 is anthrax bad? 390 00:16:11,210 --> 00:16:13,126 -Yes, Tyrone. -Oh. 391 00:16:13,210 --> 00:16:15,168 And if it fell into the wrong hands, 392 00:16:15,251 --> 00:16:16,918 it could be big trouble. 393 00:16:17,001 --> 00:16:19,251 I got that anthrax and it's the bomb, baby. 394 00:16:19,335 --> 00:16:20,418 Sixty bucks! 395 00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:21,918 If that man hadn't turned you in, 396 00:16:22,001 --> 00:16:23,293 it would've been a disaster. 397 00:16:23,376 --> 00:16:26,043 Y'all act like crack is so bad! 398 00:16:26,126 --> 00:16:27,918 Well, like the Good Book says, 399 00:16:28,001 --> 00:16:30,626 "Let he who is without sin, 400 00:16:30,710 --> 00:16:32,626 throwe-th the first rock 401 00:16:32,710 --> 00:16:35,376 and I shal-t smoke-th it." 402 00:16:37,543 --> 00:16:38,918 Basically, Tyrone, 403 00:16:39,001 --> 00:16:41,460 we would like you to check into rehabilitation immediately. 404 00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:42,585 Oh! 405 00:16:45,210 --> 00:16:46,751 Alright, okay. 406 00:16:46,835 --> 00:16:48,043 Fine, fine. 407 00:16:48,126 --> 00:16:49,085 You know what? 408 00:16:49,168 --> 00:16:51,418 I need to get better, y'all are right. 409 00:16:51,501 --> 00:16:55,168 But first step is first, I need to go to the bathroom, 410 00:16:55,251 --> 00:16:58,168 And then I'm on my way to recovery, Rhonda. 411 00:16:58,251 --> 00:16:59,626 I got the key. 412 00:16:59,710 --> 00:17:01,043 And that wasn't me, Rhonda! 413 00:17:01,126 --> 00:17:02,376 Go to the bathroom! 414 00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:03,543 [Tyrone] Okay, thank... 415 00:17:03,626 --> 00:17:05,501 I've got it from here, thank you. 416 00:17:05,585 --> 00:17:06,418 I'll be right out. 417 00:17:08,918 --> 00:17:10,626 Oh! 418 00:17:10,710 --> 00:17:12,918 Oh, why didn't they say there ain't no windows in here? 419 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:14,876 Oh! 420 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,043 Here goes nothin'! 421 00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:26,210 [toilet flushing] 422 00:17:26,293 --> 00:17:27,293 Drugs have... 423 00:17:28,668 --> 00:17:30,293 ruined my life! 424 00:17:32,876 --> 00:17:35,543 ♪ He's finally home, He's Tyrone ♪ 425 00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:39,168 We're gonna take a quick commercial break, 426 00:17:39,251 --> 00:17:40,251 but don't worry, 427 00:17:40,335 --> 00:17:42,793 we'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show. 428 00:17:47,418 --> 00:17:48,960 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 429 00:17:49,043 --> 00:17:50,126 ♪ Ow! ♪ 430 00:17:50,210 --> 00:17:52,960 I'd like to thank my studio audience for hangin' out, 431 00:17:53,043 --> 00:17:55,085 and, of course, I'd like to thank you at home. 432 00:17:55,168 --> 00:17:57,251 God bless ya. And I'll see ya next week. 433 00:17:57,085 --> 00:17:59,210 God bless America! 434 00:17:59,293 --> 00:18:01,793 [cheering and applauding] 435 00:18:01,876 --> 00:18:04,126 -[Dave] I'm rich, biatch! -[horn honking] 436 00:18:04,210 --> 00:18:05,751 [woman] Hi, thank you. 437 00:18:10,876 --> 00:18:12,710 We're really worried about him, Thurgood. 438 00:18:12,793 --> 00:18:14,001 What happened to him? 439 00:18:14,085 --> 00:18:15,251 Yo, he's in jail, yo. 440 00:18:16,210 --> 00:18:18,668 Oh, my God, jail. 441 00:18:18,751 --> 00:18:21,418 Hey, hey, why don't we break into that lab where I work? 442 00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:22,918 They got weed there. 443 00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:24,960 We'll sell the weed and make his bail. 444 00:18:25,043 --> 00:18:26,710 -No. -No, man. 445 00:18:26,793 --> 00:18:29,168 Yo, why don't we sell crack, yo? 446 00:18:29,251 --> 00:18:30,501 -Yeah. -Right? 447 00:18:30,585 --> 00:18:32,210 That's a lot more lucrative. 448 00:18:32,293 --> 00:18:34,043 Hell, yeah, baby. 449 00:18:34,126 --> 00:18:35,585 We can grab some booty. 450 00:18:35,668 --> 00:18:36,793 We're gonna sell some crack. 451 00:18:36,876 --> 00:18:38,126 Crack, it is! 452 00:18:38,210 --> 00:18:39,960 We're crack dealers, man! 453 00:18:40,043 --> 00:18:40,960 Yo, let's be crackheads, yo.