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♪ Chappelle's show ♪
♪ Oww ♪
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♪ Woo-hoo hoo ♪
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♪ Woo-hoo ♪
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♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
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[applause]
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[male announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen...
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Dave Chappelle!
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[cheers]
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Man, thank you, guys.
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Thanks, man.
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[hooting]
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What's up, everybody?
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Yo, what's up, man?
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Thank you, guys.
Man, shoot.
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Thank you, man.
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Thanks-- oh.
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Oh, man, y'all got me, like--
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you got me touched tonight.
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I would actually cry,
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but the reefer
has dried my eyes out.
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You know, I wish my
grandmother could see me.
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My grandmother gave me
the best advice of my life.
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She said, "You know, Dave,
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everybody wants to be
the first person
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to do something.
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Well, let me
tell you something.
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Don't ever be
the first black person
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to do anything."
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[chuckles]
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Because anytime you hear
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about the first black dude
that did something,
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it's a terrible story,
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no matter how benign.
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Imagine, like,
who was the first black person
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to take a shit
on a white toilet?
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Well, we did some research,
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and I think you'll be
surprised
at what we found.
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Good evening,
I'm Philip Halston.
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In 1954, the United States
was marred with unrest.
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With the bus boycotts
in Montgomery
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and "Brown versus
the board of education"
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still under deliberation,
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the social climate
was changing rapidly.
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It was in this context
that one man,
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Cyrus Holloway,
made history
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when he took on the rural town
of Hartsfield, Alabama.
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I remember it was a hot day,
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and I was working the double
shift at the steel mill.
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Between shifts,
I went outside
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and bought myself
a roast beef sandwich
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from a boy that used to
sell them out front,
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but little did I know that
that roast beef sandwich
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would change my life forever.
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Not Long after lunch, I felt
a bubbling in my stomach--
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an evil bubbling.
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A bubble that, to me,
signified nothing else
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but the early stages
of mud butt.
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I had to take a dump.
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I had to take a dump
immediately.
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The closest colored bathroom
was located
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in the basement
of the steel mill,
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near the boiler room.
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Oh, that toilet
was disgusting.
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Wasn't fit for
Christian butt cheeks.
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My only options
at that time were,
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I could either
go doo-doo in my trousers,
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which I couldn't do--
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that was my only good pair
at the time--
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or I could use
the White restroom.
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It was risky,
but so was mud butt.
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Mr. Holloway proceeded
to go to the white restroom
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and take what would be known
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as one of the most
significant dumps
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in American history.
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After the historic
dump began,
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one of Holloway's
co-workers,
Austin Stringer,
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entered the restroom.
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He immediately called
the local police,
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who were being followed
by a television crew.
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[farts]
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There he is, officer!
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Come out of there,
Holloway.
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With all due respect...
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[farting]
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I got the mud butt.
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While I was on the toilet,
they sicced dogs on me.
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[dog barking]
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sprayed me with water.
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Good lord, it's mud butt!
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Finally, I just let them
haul me off to jail.
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Book him.
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Desecration of a white
facility
with negroid feces.
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Here's your evidence.
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I can make about three,
four more bags of that
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if you want, sir.
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Cyrus was charged with using
a white rest facility
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and faced nine years in prison.
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Word spread quickly
around Hartsfield
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and the nation at large.
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Civil rights activists
throughout the United States
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descended
on this tiny Alabama town
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almost immediately.
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My brothers and sisters,
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we are gathered here
today to discuss
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matters of the cocka-dookie
and the stinky-stinky.
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-Yes!
-Yes, sir!
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I have a question
to pose to the government.
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[farting]
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Why can't my turd
float next to yours?
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[cheering]
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Our voices will be heard!
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It was the first and largest
demonstration of its kind--
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the nation's first shit-in.
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No, my brothers and sisters.
Do not run!
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Turn your butt cheeks
toward the aggressors,
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and let them clean
your butt cheeks
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with the cascading water.
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This is a good thing,
my brothers and sisters.
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The shit-in made
national news,
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and the American legal society
picked up the case
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and took it all the way
to the supreme court.
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[protesters chanting]
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In the case of Holloway
versus the state of Alabama,
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the supreme court rules
in favor of Mr. Holloway.
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[cheers]
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[applause]
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[gavel pounds]
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It is my opinion that,
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no matter
what the color of your skin,
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your feces will be Brown.
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Except for
the clay-colored ones
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and, of course,
the spinach Green.
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And, no matter what
the hue of your poo,
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it will undoubtedly stink.
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Good day.
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[applause]
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[Holloway] By the time they
read
that verdict,
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mud butt...
mud butt was calling.
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I suppose
I was happy about winning.
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I think what I was
most happy about
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was that I could get up
from that courtroom
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and use the toilet.
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How you doing,
Ms. Pippen?
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[farts]
Ahh!
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I just remember
going in that bathroom
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and taking the first...
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[farting]
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free dump that I'd ever
taken in my life.
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A beautiful dump.
[farting]
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As a matter of fact,
the choir from my church came.
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♪ Well, I'm gonna
Lay down my burden ♪
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♪ Down by the riverside
Down by the riverside ♪
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♪ Down by the riverside ♪
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♪ I'm gonna
Lay down my burden ♪
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♪ Down by the riverside ♪
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♪ Ain't gonna study war no more♪
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[farts]
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It is all just a matter
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of the stinky-stinky
and the cocka-dookie.
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I'm Philip Halston.
Good night.
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♪ Well, I ain't
Gonna study war no more ♪
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We'll be right back
with more Chappelle's show
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after these messages.
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[cheers]
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[applause]
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Whoo!
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[phone ringing]
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Hello,
and good evening.
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It's me.
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What?
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It's me.
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What?
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It's me,
Little Jon.
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Okay!
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I'm feeling lonely.
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I feel like I just need
to talk to someone
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who will understand,
and, well,
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that someone is you, Jon.
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Okay!
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Don't you like Popsicles?
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-What?
-I said,
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-don't you like Popsicles?
-What?
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I said, don't you like
Popsicles?
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Yeah!
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-What?
-Yeah!
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Okay!
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Sometimes I feel like
I am all alone in this
world,
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-and I have no one to go to!
-What?
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I said, sometimes I feel
like I'm all alone
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in this world,
and I have no one, sir!
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What?
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No one!
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What?
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-To go to.
-Huh?
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No one
that understands my pain!
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Yeah!
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00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:32,126
Yeah!
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Sometimes when I'm alone,
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I sit on my hand
and wait till it gets numb
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and masturbate.
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I call that "A stranger."
202
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Have you ever given
yourself a stranger?
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-What?
-A stranger?
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Yeah, yeah, I do.
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Okay!
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Yeah!
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00:08:52,043 --> 00:08:53,460
-[Phone ringing]
-Hold on.
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00:08:53,543 --> 00:08:54,918
They calling me.
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00:08:57,085 --> 00:08:58,626
Lil Jon?
It's Oprah.
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How are you?
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00:08:59,668 --> 00:09:01,710
Good.
Listen, I'm pregnant.
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00:09:02,126 --> 00:09:05,626
[laughs]
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00:09:07,918 --> 00:09:09,126
Are you sure it's mine?
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00:09:09,210 --> 00:09:10,835
I'm sure.
It's yours.
215
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:12,460
Ahh, skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet!
216
00:09:12,543 --> 00:09:13,460
I love you.
217
00:09:13,543 --> 00:09:14,418
Okay, bye-bye!
218
00:09:17,210 --> 00:09:20,126
It was Oprah.
[laughs]
219
00:09:20,210 --> 00:09:21,043
She's having our baby.
220
00:09:21,126 --> 00:09:22,501
Yeah!
221
00:09:22,585 --> 00:09:24,335
I can't hear you.
My cell phone's breaking up.
222
00:09:24,418 --> 00:09:25,710
I can't hear you.
223
00:09:25,793 --> 00:09:26,918
Sounds like your phone
is breaking up.
224
00:09:27,793 --> 00:09:28,585
What?
225
00:09:29,251 --> 00:09:29,918
What?
226
00:09:30,501 --> 00:09:31,251
What?
227
00:09:32,043 --> 00:09:33,043
What?
228
00:09:33,543 --> 00:09:34,293
What?
229
00:09:35,085 --> 00:09:36,085
What?
230
00:09:36,168 --> 00:09:37,210
-Okay!
-Yeah!
231
00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:38,085
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
232
00:09:38,168 --> 00:09:39,376
-Yeah.
-What?
233
00:09:39,460 --> 00:09:40,335
-What?
-Okay!
234
00:09:40,418 --> 00:09:41,418
-Okay.
-Yeah!
235
00:09:41,501 --> 00:09:43,043
Affirmative. Huh?
236
00:09:43,126 --> 00:09:44,251
Roger! Yeah!
237
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:45,793
What?
238
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,835
Melting down! Ahh!
239
00:09:47,918 --> 00:09:49,085
Bye, nigger!
240
00:09:49,168 --> 00:09:50,251
[female announcer]
You've just watched
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00:09:50,085 --> 00:09:51,668
"A moment in the life
of Lil Jon."
242
00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:56,460
Hey, gang, we're gonna take
a quick commercial break.
243
00:09:56,543 --> 00:09:57,543
Don't go anywhere.
244
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,835
Man, I'm bored.
245
00:10:03,918 --> 00:10:05,126
I got to go to
the Chappelle show.
246
00:10:06,710 --> 00:10:08,001
Hey everybody.
Welcome back.
247
00:10:09,085 --> 00:10:12,210
Welcome back to the show.
248
00:10:12,043 --> 00:10:15,876
You know, I've talked about
a lot of things on the show.
249
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,251
I've made fun of so many
different people.
250
00:10:18,335 --> 00:10:20,460
And people say, Dave,
you talk about everybody
251
00:10:20,543 --> 00:10:21,543
except the President.
252
00:10:21,626 --> 00:10:22,793
Why didn't you do that?
253
00:10:22,876 --> 00:10:25,043
Well, 'cause
he's the President.
254
00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:28,376
Now, I know my limits,
ladies and gentlemen,
255
00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:29,876
and I wouldn't
want to cross them,
256
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:30,918
but I will say this.
257
00:10:33,501 --> 00:10:35,460
If our President were Black,
258
00:10:35,543 --> 00:10:37,501
we would not be
at war right now.
259
00:10:37,585 --> 00:10:38,835
Not because a black person
260
00:10:38,918 --> 00:10:40,043
wouldn't have done
something like that.
261
00:10:40,126 --> 00:10:42,168
It's because America
wouldn't let a black person
262
00:10:42,251 --> 00:10:43,293
do something like that
263
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:46,335
without asking them
a million questions.
264
00:10:46,418 --> 00:10:47,835
You know,
they always do polls,
265
00:10:47,918 --> 00:10:51,418
like, "Minorities just don't
seem to trust the government.
266
00:10:51,501 --> 00:10:53,668
Because you don't understand
what it looks like for US
267
00:10:53,751 --> 00:10:55,501
So let me help
paint the picture.
268
00:10:55,585 --> 00:10:58,918
Ladies and gentlemen, I bring
to you now, "Black Bush."
269
00:11:02,001 --> 00:11:03,626
[female narrator]
President Bush continues
270
00:11:03,710 --> 00:11:05,460
to make his case
for an invasion of Iraq.
271
00:11:05,543 --> 00:11:07,293
After carefully
examining the region,
272
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,335
me and my cabinet agree
that that area
273
00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:11,251
is definitely ripe
for regime change.
274
00:11:11,335 --> 00:11:12,251
A'ight?
275
00:11:12,335 --> 00:11:13,293
But if I can be
real about it--
276
00:11:13,376 --> 00:11:14,668
-Be real, son.
-Real?
277
00:11:14,751 --> 00:11:16,251
Be real real, son.
278
00:11:16,085 --> 00:11:17,626
Tried to kill
my father, man.
279
00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:18,501
[all] Word.
280
00:11:18,585 --> 00:11:19,710
I don't play that shit.
281
00:11:19,793 --> 00:11:21,376
Say word, he tried
to kill your father,
son.
282
00:11:21,460 --> 00:11:23,460
That nigger tried
to kill my father!
283
00:11:23,543 --> 00:11:25,168
Word to everything we love,
284
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:26,585
we coming to see y'all, son.
285
00:11:28,751 --> 00:11:30,126
[female announcer]
Meanwhile, President Bush
286
00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:31,918
and British Prime Minister
Tony Blair
287
00:11:32,001 --> 00:11:35,001
offered a spirited explanation
for a possible war with Iraq.
288
00:11:35,085 --> 00:11:38,126
This nigger very possibly
has weapons of mass
destruction.
289
00:11:38,210 --> 00:11:39,668
I can't sleep on that.
290
00:11:39,751 --> 00:11:41,126
Not on my watch!
291
00:11:41,210 --> 00:11:43,335
That's not how I roll.
That shit is serious!
292
00:11:43,418 --> 00:11:45,251
Now, if you don't want
to take my word for it,
293
00:11:45,335 --> 00:11:46,501
why don't you ask
Tony Blair?
294
00:11:46,585 --> 00:11:48,085
He got a whole 'nother
set of intelligence.
295
00:11:48,168 --> 00:11:49,376
What's up, Tony?
296
00:11:49,460 --> 00:11:52,251
We don't know much
about Saddam,
297
00:11:52,335 --> 00:11:54,293
but we can't trust
random niggers
298
00:11:54,376 --> 00:11:57,418
with things like that,
as George so eloquently put
it.
299
00:11:57,501 --> 00:11:59,793
I'm with him
100% of the way.
300
00:11:59,876 --> 00:12:02,210
We don't know what he has.
301
00:12:04,251 --> 00:12:05,918
[male narrator]
If the United States goes
302
00:12:06,001 --> 00:12:07,043
to war with Iraq,
303
00:12:07,126 --> 00:12:09,126
will it first have
to provide evidence
304
00:12:09,210 --> 00:12:12,293
that Saddam Hussein
has weapons of mass destruction?
305
00:12:12,376 --> 00:12:15,085
So far, the UN
has found nothing,
306
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:18,210
but President Bush
counters with this:
307
00:12:18,043 --> 00:12:20,043
The nigger bought
aluminum tubes!
308
00:12:20,126 --> 00:12:21,960
Do I need to tell you
309
00:12:22,043 --> 00:12:24,376
what the fuck you can do
with an aluminum tube?
310
00:12:25,168 --> 00:12:25,918
Aluminum!
311
00:12:27,251 --> 00:12:28,168
That don't scare you?
312
00:12:28,251 --> 00:12:30,168
Fine.
I didn't want say this.
313
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:35,501
The motherfucker bought some
yellow cake, okay, in Africa.
314
00:12:35,585 --> 00:12:37,543
He went to Africa,
and he bought yellow cake.
315
00:12:37,626 --> 00:12:38,751
Are you sure?
316
00:12:38,835 --> 00:12:40,418
Yes, I'm sure, bitch!
317
00:12:40,501 --> 00:12:42,710
I got the Head of C. I. A.
right here, he'll tell you!
318
00:12:42,793 --> 00:12:44,668
What up?
Are you sure?
319
00:12:44,751 --> 00:12:46,168
Are you sure?
320
00:12:46,251 --> 00:12:48,043
I can't believe
you mother fuckers.
321
00:12:48,126 --> 00:12:50,126
This is ridiculous.
Ridiculous!
322
00:12:50,210 --> 00:12:53,168
Me and Jeb just
coming back from Africa.
323
00:12:53,251 --> 00:12:55,085
Cradle of fucking
civilization.
324
00:12:55,168 --> 00:12:57,835
-And this nigger out here
buying yellow cake.
325
00:12:57,918 --> 00:12:59,251
From the motherland.
326
00:12:59,085 --> 00:13:01,126
Are you sure
it was yellow cake?
327
00:13:01,210 --> 00:13:02,293
Y'all niggers
don't believe me,
328
00:13:02,376 --> 00:13:04,085
I got some yellow cake
right here!
329
00:13:04,168 --> 00:13:05,960
Look, you see?
You believe this shit now?
330
00:13:06,043 --> 00:13:07,543
Don't drop that shit!
331
00:13:07,626 --> 00:13:09,418
I know.
I know what to do with it!
332
00:13:09,501 --> 00:13:12,126
That's why I got it wrapped up
in this special C. I. A.
napkin.
333
00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:13,501
Just don't
drop that shit here.
334
00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:15,210
You better hope
I don't drop this shit!
335
00:13:15,043 --> 00:13:17,251
Pray to God
you don't drop that shit.
336
00:13:17,085 --> 00:13:18,251
Yellow cake.
337
00:13:18,335 --> 00:13:19,168
Fucking right.
338
00:13:21,085 --> 00:13:22,960
[Male announcer]
A sensitive accusation
339
00:13:23,043 --> 00:13:24,126
for this administration
340
00:13:24,210 --> 00:13:26,335
is the theory held by many
that the real reason
341
00:13:26,418 --> 00:13:29,168
the US Is so interested
in toppling Saddam
342
00:13:29,251 --> 00:13:32,210
is control of the oil
that Iraq is sitting on.
343
00:13:32,043 --> 00:13:33,501
What about people who say
344
00:13:33,585 --> 00:13:35,460
you're only interested
in the middle east for oil?
345
00:13:36,126 --> 00:13:36,710
What?
346
00:13:37,543 --> 00:13:38,335
Huh? Oil?
347
00:13:39,501 --> 00:13:40,668
Who said something
about oil, bitch?
348
00:13:40,751 --> 00:13:42,585
Are you cooking?
Oil?
349
00:13:45,335 --> 00:13:46,293
Man, I don't know what--
350
00:13:46,376 --> 00:13:47,251
Come on y'all.
Get out of here!
351
00:13:49,251 --> 00:13:50,376
[announcer]
President Bush met
352
00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:52,085
with UN Secretary-General
Kofi Annan
353
00:13:52,168 --> 00:13:54,668
and made it clear
the US will act
354
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,043
even if the UN is reluctant.
355
00:13:57,126 --> 00:13:58,668
UN, you have
a problem with that,
356
00:13:58,751 --> 00:13:59,751
you know what you should do?
357
00:13:59,835 --> 00:14:01,043
You should sanction me.
358
00:14:01,126 --> 00:14:02,918
Sanction me with your army.
359
00:14:03,001 --> 00:14:04,668
Oh, wait a minute!
360
00:14:04,751 --> 00:14:06,168
You don't have an army!
361
00:14:06,251 --> 00:14:08,293
I guess that means
you need to shut the fuck up!
362
00:14:08,376 --> 00:14:10,251
That's what I'd do
if I didn't have no army.
363
00:14:10,085 --> 00:14:11,501
I would shh!
The fuck up.
364
00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:13,710
Shut the fuck up!
365
00:14:13,793 --> 00:14:15,376
That's right, Kofi Annan.
366
00:14:15,460 --> 00:14:17,126
Think I'm gonna
take orders from an African?
367
00:14:17,210 --> 00:14:19,835
You might speak 16 languages,
but you gonna need them
368
00:14:19,918 --> 00:14:21,835
when you in times square
selling fake hats.
369
00:14:21,918 --> 00:14:23,251
I know Gucci
when I see it, nigger.
370
00:14:23,085 --> 00:14:24,793
I'm rich.
371
00:14:24,876 --> 00:14:27,168
I got a coalition
of the willing.
372
00:14:27,251 --> 00:14:30,460
I got 40 nations
ready to roll, son!
373
00:14:31,418 --> 00:14:32,210
Like who?
374
00:14:32,293 --> 00:14:33,835
Who the fuck said that?
375
00:14:33,918 --> 00:14:35,251
Huh?
Huh?
376
00:14:35,335 --> 00:14:36,085
Like who?
377
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,085
England.
378
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:40,210
Japan's sending Play Stations.
379
00:14:40,043 --> 00:14:44,168
Stankonia said they're
willing
to drop bombs over Baghdad.
380
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:46,376
Rickety row is coming!
381
00:14:46,460 --> 00:14:48,918
Afrika Bambaataa
and the Zulu nation.
382
00:14:49,001 --> 00:14:51,460
That means I am not
doing this by myself,
383
00:14:51,543 --> 00:14:55,001
and I am not
disrespecting the UN,
384
00:14:55,085 --> 00:14:56,210
even though
they don't got no army.
385
00:14:57,626 --> 00:14:59,335
Go sell some medicine, bitches!
386
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,168
I'm trying to get that oil--
387
00:15:02,251 --> 00:15:03,501
Oh!
[coughs]
388
00:15:08,501 --> 00:15:10,376
[female announcer]
The US fired the opening salvo
389
00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:11,543
in the war on Iraq
390
00:15:11,626 --> 00:15:13,418
with at least 40 tomahawk
cruise missiles
391
00:15:13,501 --> 00:15:16,376
and precision guided bombs,
centering on Baghdad.
392
00:15:16,460 --> 00:15:18,251
["Hail to the chief" playing]
393
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,335
[male announcer]
Good evening.
394
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,168
Tonight, President George
Bush
is on board
395
00:15:21,251 --> 00:15:23,460
the aircraft carrier
USS Abraham Lincoln
396
00:15:23,543 --> 00:15:25,335
off the California coast.
397
00:15:25,418 --> 00:15:27,418
It will be the site
of what is essentially
398
00:15:27,501 --> 00:15:30,251
his victory speech
in the war against Iraq.
399
00:15:31,251 --> 00:15:32,085
[clears throat]
400
00:15:32,168 --> 00:15:33,543
What did I say?
401
00:15:33,626 --> 00:15:35,376
I'm not gloating,
but what did I say?
402
00:15:35,460 --> 00:15:37,376
Did I not say
that we would win that shit?
403
00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:39,710
We rocked them 'bamas!
We rocked them!
404
00:15:39,793 --> 00:15:41,876
[whispering] Nigger, you see me
come in on that plane?
405
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:42,876
Shhhhooo.
406
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,960
Da-da-da-da-da-da-dah!
407
00:15:47,126 --> 00:15:48,168
[announcer]
For the second straight day,
408
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,418
these hard-line Iraqis
409
00:15:49,501 --> 00:15:51,918
protested the American
presence here.
410
00:15:53,168 --> 00:15:54,501
Mr. President,
when do you think
411
00:15:54,585 --> 00:15:57,168
they'll hold
general elections in Iraq?
412
00:15:57,251 --> 00:15:59,043
Damn, I knew I shouldn't
have called on this nigger!
413
00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:01,085
I should not have called on
you
'cause you're always
414
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:02,251
trying to distract
motherfuckers
415
00:16:02,335 --> 00:16:05,793
with things like the war
and skirt all the real
issues.
416
00:16:07,126 --> 00:16:08,543
Gay people are
getting married, folks.
417
00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:09,710
Yes.
418
00:16:10,710 --> 00:16:12,960
Nasty!
Imagine that.
419
00:16:13,043 --> 00:16:16,043
Two women touching
on each other's tittie
balls,
420
00:16:17,085 --> 00:16:18,043
wrestling them,
421
00:16:18,126 --> 00:16:19,960
gently stroking
those nipples
422
00:16:20,043 --> 00:16:23,335
till they get
just so stiff and erect!
423
00:16:23,418 --> 00:16:24,210
Blowing on them.
424
00:16:24,293 --> 00:16:27,085
[blowing]
425
00:16:30,710 --> 00:16:32,293
Men. Barbecue.
426
00:16:32,376 --> 00:16:34,751
"I like you."
"I like you too, dog."
427
00:16:34,835 --> 00:16:36,418
"Let's get married, man."
428
00:16:36,501 --> 00:16:37,668
It's crazy!
429
00:16:37,751 --> 00:16:39,960
-What about your--
-That shit is gross!
430
00:16:43,751 --> 00:16:46,085
Mr. President.
Mr. President, sir.
431
00:16:46,168 --> 00:16:49,210
How do you explain
the continual upheaval in
Iraq
432
00:16:49,043 --> 00:16:51,168
even after the capture
of Saddam Hussein?
433
00:16:52,043 --> 00:16:53,126
Why are you doing this, man?
434
00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:55,460
I thought you was
my black brother.
435
00:16:55,543 --> 00:16:57,793
Why you asking me
questions like that?
436
00:16:57,876 --> 00:16:59,668
Fine, I'll answer
your stupid-ass question.
437
00:16:59,751 --> 00:17:01,251
Here's what I feel
about Iraq.
438
00:17:01,085 --> 00:17:04,085
I feel like you guys keep
trying
to distract people with Iraq
439
00:17:04,168 --> 00:17:06,001
when I'm focusing
on other things,
440
00:17:06,085 --> 00:17:08,001
namely the moon.
441
00:17:08,085 --> 00:17:10,460
Yes, I said it,
the moon.
442
00:17:10,543 --> 00:17:11,335
Can't be distracted.
443
00:17:11,418 --> 00:17:12,876
"What's going on
with the war?
444
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,085
What's wrong
with the economy?"
445
00:17:14,168 --> 00:17:16,501
Stop worrying about that!
I got that shit under
control!
446
00:17:16,585 --> 00:17:19,126
Let's focus
on space, nigger.
447
00:17:19,210 --> 00:17:21,210
The United States of Space.
448
00:17:21,293 --> 00:17:22,460
'Cause I ain't
stopping at the moon.
449
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:24,501
Write this down:
450
00:17:25,168 --> 00:17:27,835
M-A-R-S.
451
00:17:27,918 --> 00:17:29,001
Mars, bitches.
452
00:17:29,085 --> 00:17:30,501
That's where we are going.
453
00:17:30,585 --> 00:17:31,835
Mars.
Red rocks!
454
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:32,710
Yeah, yeah!
455
00:17:39,585 --> 00:17:41,335
I'd like to thank
each and every one of you
456
00:17:41,418 --> 00:17:42,460
for being here
457
00:17:42,543 --> 00:17:45,043
and everyone at home
for supporting the show.
458
00:17:45,126 --> 00:17:47,001
It's been an amazing season.
459
00:17:47,085 --> 00:17:49,585
We love you.
We thank you for it.
460
00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:51,210
We shook up the world!
461
00:17:51,626 --> 00:17:52,210
I'm out!
462
00:17:56,085 --> 00:17:57,501
I'm rich, bitch!
463
00:17:57,585 --> 00:17:59,168
-[horn blowing]
-Hi, thank you.
464
00:18:00,210 --> 00:18:01,626
Who do you know in Iraq?
465
00:18:01,710 --> 00:18:02,585
Go ahead, say what
you was gonna say.
466
00:18:02,668 --> 00:18:04,376
-the war is over!
The war is over!
467
00:18:04,460 --> 00:18:06,043
[rolls tongue]
468
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:07,251
You know who this is?
469
00:18:07,085 --> 00:18:08,210
Antwone Fisher.
470
00:18:08,293 --> 00:18:09,376
He's still here.
471
00:18:09,460 --> 00:18:10,668
He's still standing.
472
00:18:10,751 --> 00:18:12,001
He's still strong!
473
00:18:12,085 --> 00:18:13,043
Just like America!
474
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,668
Antwone, take a bow!
475
00:18:16,126 --> 00:18:17,418
Some brave teachers.
476
00:18:17,501 --> 00:18:18,585
Big up to you, teachers.
477
00:18:19,543 --> 00:18:20,668
There's a milkman in the house.
478
00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:21,876
What's popping?
479
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:23,793
Rock steady crew's in the house.
480
00:18:23,876 --> 00:18:25,585
Crazy legs.
What's up, my nigger?