1
00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:03,126
♪ Chappelle's show ♪
♪ Chappelle's show ♪

2
00:00:03,210 --> 00:00:04,168
<i>♪ Ow! ♪</i>

3
00:00:05,210 --> 00:00:07,085
<i>♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo ♪</i>

4
00:00:07,168 --> 00:00:08,543
<i>♪ Whoo-hoo ♪</i>

5
00:00:08,626 --> 00:00:10,043
<i>♪ Yeah, yeah ♪</i>

6
00:00:11,168 --> 00:00:14,085
[announcer] Dave Chappelle!

7
00:00:14,168 --> 00:00:15,335
What's up!

8
00:00:16,210 --> 00:00:17,501
[chuckling]

9
00:00:18,793 --> 00:00:19,918
Oh, man.

10
00:00:20,710 --> 00:00:21,751
What's poppin', y'all?

11
00:00:23,126 --> 00:00:24,918
I don't know
if you guys know this,

12
00:00:25,001 --> 00:00:27,501
but my favorite TV show
is comin' back on the air.

13
00:00:27,585 --> 00:00:29,501
It's called<i> Making the Band.</i>

14
00:00:29,585 --> 00:00:31,043
Whoo, it's a beast!

15
00:00:32,710 --> 00:00:34,960
Puff Daddy takes five people

16
00:00:35,043 --> 00:00:36,293
and puts 'em in a house together

17
00:00:36,376 --> 00:00:38,251
and makes 'em cut a record
for<i> Bad Boy.</i>

18
00:00:38,335 --> 00:00:41,126
They argue, they fight.
Oh, the fights!

19
00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:43,376
The drama!

20
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,251
If you haven't seen
the first season,

21
00:00:45,335 --> 00:00:46,626
you don't know
what I'm talkin' about.

22
00:00:46,710 --> 00:00:48,710
Here's the highlights
from the first season.

23
00:00:49,876 --> 00:00:51,751
[hip-hop music]

24
00:00:51,835 --> 00:00:53,043
[man] Congratulations.

25
00:00:53,126 --> 00:00:56,210
Y'all made it
inside the house.

26
00:00:56,043 --> 00:00:57,085
You did good.

27
00:00:57,168 --> 00:00:58,585
Alright, this is what's up,

28
00:00:58,668 --> 00:01:02,043
you can live here,
you can record here.

29
00:01:02,126 --> 00:01:04,168
you can be
<i>Bad Boy</i> artists here,

30
00:01:04,251 --> 00:01:05,835
but if you wanna do it,

31
00:01:05,918 --> 00:01:09,460
first y'all gotta walk to Queens
and get me a sugar cookie.

32
00:01:12,168 --> 00:01:14,585
A sugar cookie?
Man, this is crazy.

33
00:01:17,126 --> 00:01:18,460
We got it. Come on, man.

34
00:01:19,293 --> 00:01:20,210
Bad Boy.

35
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,710
A sugar cookie, man.

36
00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:28,126
Look, this is not what I got in
the music business to be doing,

37
00:01:28,210 --> 00:01:29,460
to be a sugar cookie-getter.

38
00:01:29,543 --> 00:01:31,043
<i>You know, I'm a rapper.</i>

39
00:01:31,126 --> 00:01:34,543
Who are the five best rappers
of all time?

40
00:01:34,626 --> 00:01:36,251
Think about it.

41
00:01:36,085 --> 00:01:39,168
Dylan, Dylan,

42
00:01:39,251 --> 00:01:41,626
Dylan, Dylan, and Dylan,

43
00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:43,418
because I spit hot fire.

44
00:01:46,126 --> 00:01:47,335
That's a good-ass sugar cookie.

45
00:01:49,293 --> 00:01:51,960
You guys are official now.
Welcome to<i> Bad Boy.</i>

46
00:01:52,668 --> 00:01:53,835
It's<i> Bad Boy,</i> baby.

47
00:01:53,918 --> 00:01:57,085
Can't stop. Won't stop.

48
00:01:57,168 --> 00:01:58,210
Uh-uh, uh-uh.

49
00:02:00,585 --> 00:02:02,043
I'm sending y'all
to the studio.

50
00:02:03,085 --> 00:02:04,751
I want you to turn
Daddy out a hit,

51
00:02:04,835 --> 00:02:06,501
but I need you to be
a family unit

52
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,751
and love each other,
or this will never work.

53
00:02:08,835 --> 00:02:10,126
That's right, man,
that's right.

54
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:12,251
Go out there
and get Daddy a hit.

55
00:02:13,585 --> 00:02:14,835
I'm gonna take a nap.

56
00:02:18,001 --> 00:02:19,210
[audience laughing]

57
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:23,710
[Dylan] What'd you do?

58
00:02:23,793 --> 00:02:24,751
[all shouting]

59
00:02:24,835 --> 00:02:26,668
[woman] Let 'em fight!
Let 'em fight!

60
00:02:29,335 --> 00:02:30,918
[all clamoring]
[woman] Let them fight!

61
00:02:32,043 --> 00:02:34,168
I'm shuttin'
the studio down.

62
00:02:34,251 --> 00:02:35,085
[all scoff]

63
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:38,418
The only way I could keep
the studio open

64
00:02:38,501 --> 00:02:39,960
is if y'all go out

65
00:02:40,043 --> 00:02:42,251
and walk through
Northern New Jersey,

66
00:02:42,335 --> 00:02:45,210
get me a set of
left-handed golf clubs.

67
00:02:46,418 --> 00:02:49,210
I also need you to take
a picture with a midget

68
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:50,626
holdin' these balloons.

69
00:02:57,626 --> 00:02:59,126
<i>Take a picture with a midget</i>

70
00:02:59,210 --> 00:03:01,668
<i>holdin' these balloons...</i>
<i>Holdin' these balloons.</i>

71
00:03:03,335 --> 00:03:04,876
You did it.

72
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,210
You went out,
you found my man...

73
00:03:06,293 --> 00:03:07,501
You found a midget, man,

74
00:03:07,585 --> 00:03:10,168
and you got the pictures,
you got the golf clubs.

75
00:03:10,251 --> 00:03:11,126
Here's the keys
to the studio.

76
00:03:14,168 --> 00:03:15,210
Now, if y'all excuse me,

77
00:03:15,293 --> 00:03:17,626
I'm going scuba diving
with Chris Tucker and Aquaman.

78
00:03:17,710 --> 00:03:18,835
You be cool.

79
00:03:18,918 --> 00:03:19,918
Giddy-up.

80
00:03:24,251 --> 00:03:26,085
[people clamoring]
[Dylan] Oh, my God!

81
00:03:26,168 --> 00:03:27,168
What's happening?

82
00:03:28,501 --> 00:03:30,251
We're supposed to be a family.

83
00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:31,668
What are you doing?

84
00:03:31,751 --> 00:03:33,126
Not like this, man!

85
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,043
Y'all not workin'
like a team.

86
00:03:36,126 --> 00:03:38,251
I gotta shut
the studio down, yo.

87
00:03:40,418 --> 00:03:44,001
Alright, the only way
I'll open the studio up now,

88
00:03:44,085 --> 00:03:46,251
y'all gotta walk Uptown
to the Bronx

89
00:03:46,085 --> 00:03:48,793
and get breast milk
from a Cambodian immigrant.

90
00:03:50,793 --> 00:03:52,960
I only drink
the finest breast milks.

91
00:03:55,043 --> 00:03:56,960
Go out there
and milk a Cambodian.

92
00:04:01,918 --> 00:04:02,960
[sighs]

93
00:04:04,126 --> 00:04:05,960
It's 100% Cambodian, yo.

94
00:04:07,251 --> 00:04:08,918
It's the real shit.

95
00:04:09,001 --> 00:04:10,793
[bottles clinking]

96
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:14,960
<i>♪ Breast milk ♪</i>

97
00:04:15,043 --> 00:04:19,210
<i>♪ You made my day-ay ♪</i>

98
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,418
Not only am I gonna
open the studio up,

99
00:04:23,501 --> 00:04:25,251
I'm sendin' you in there
with a legend.

100
00:04:26,418 --> 00:04:28,918
That's right,
Wyclef, playboy.

101
00:04:29,001 --> 00:04:31,001
No disrespect,
I wanted to work with Wyclef

102
00:04:31,085 --> 00:04:33,335
more than I wanted
to work with Puff.

103
00:04:33,418 --> 00:04:35,460
Yo, Dylan, you ready
to get it started, baby?

104
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,626
[Dylan] Alright, here we go.
[clears throat]

105
00:04:37,710 --> 00:04:39,210
<i>♪ Bumbaclaat, bumbaclaat ♪</i>

106
00:04:39,043 --> 00:04:40,376
<i>♪ Bumba, bumba, bumbaclaat ♪</i>

107
00:04:40,460 --> 00:04:43,085
<i>♪ A rump-un-tomp,</i>
<i>A rump-un-ting ♪</i>

108
00:04:43,168 --> 00:04:46,001
<i>♪ A rumpa-tumpa-tump,</i>
<i>A rump-un-sting ♪</i>

109
00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:48,418
<i>♪ I rip and I rhyme,</i>
<i>I rhyme and I rip ♪</i>

110
00:04:48,501 --> 00:04:51,001
<i>♪ This is the way</i>
<i>That Dylan spits ♪</i>

111
00:04:51,085 --> 00:04:53,043
You...You tryin' to get
some of this hot fire?

112
00:04:54,418 --> 00:04:57,126
We can either make this song
or not make this song.

113
00:04:58,168 --> 00:05:00,251
You're too close, man!
You're too close, man!

114
00:05:02,251 --> 00:05:04,376
Hey, y'all gonna choke a legend?

115
00:05:04,460 --> 00:05:06,168
You don't think
I want to choke people?

116
00:05:06,251 --> 00:05:08,043
You can't just choke
all your problems.

117
00:05:08,126 --> 00:05:09,335
This takes hard work.

118
00:05:10,418 --> 00:05:13,043
If I had my way,
I'd never work.

119
00:05:13,126 --> 00:05:16,918
I'd just stay home all day,
watch<i> Scarface</i> 50 times,

120
00:05:18,210 --> 00:05:19,418
eat a turkey sandwich,

121
00:05:19,501 --> 00:05:21,543
and have sex all fuckin' day.

122
00:05:21,626 --> 00:05:24,876
Then I'd dress up like a clown
and surprise kids at schools.

123
00:05:26,043 --> 00:05:28,126
Then I'd take a dump
in the back of a movie theater

124
00:05:28,210 --> 00:05:30,626
and just wait
till somebody sat in it,

125
00:05:30,710 --> 00:05:32,251
hear it squish.

126
00:05:32,085 --> 00:05:33,293
That's funny to me.

127
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:36,793
Then I'd paint, and read,
and play violin.

128
00:05:37,793 --> 00:05:38,793
I'd climb the mountains

129
00:05:38,876 --> 00:05:41,126
and sing the songs
that I like to sing.

130
00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:43,085
But I don't got
that kind of time.

131
00:05:43,168 --> 00:05:44,793
Playboy? Playboy?

132
00:05:46,001 --> 00:05:47,751
You just gonna comb
your hair, Playboy?

133
00:05:47,835 --> 00:05:51,001
Sarah, you just gonna talk up
all your anytime minutes?

134
00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:53,043
Is this anytime? huh?

135
00:05:56,168 --> 00:05:57,043
Babs, you just gonna sit there

136
00:05:57,126 --> 00:05:59,210
and chop onions right now, huh?

137
00:05:59,293 --> 00:06:00,876
Good time to chop onions?

138
00:06:01,835 --> 00:06:02,751
Look at this nigga.

139
00:06:02,835 --> 00:06:04,210
You just gonna
do your taxes, Ness?

140
00:06:05,460 --> 00:06:07,126
You just gonna sit there
and crunch numbers?

141
00:06:07,210 --> 00:06:08,418
Huh? Is that hot?

142
00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:10,293
Is that what's goin' on
in the streets right now,

143
00:06:10,376 --> 00:06:11,418
your taxes?

144
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:13,168
Alright, look.

145
00:06:13,251 --> 00:06:16,085
I got some good news,
and I got some bad news, y'all.

146
00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:18,168
The bad news

147
00:06:18,251 --> 00:06:20,460
is that I'm shuttin' down
the studio.

148
00:06:23,126 --> 00:06:24,293
The good news

149
00:06:24,376 --> 00:06:27,168
is that I just saved a lot
of money on my car insurance.

150
00:06:30,668 --> 00:06:33,460
Fonzworth, bring me a sandwich!

151
00:06:33,543 --> 00:06:36,126
[upbeat hip-hop music]

152
00:06:39,085 --> 00:06:40,668
He can fly, man.

153
00:06:40,751 --> 00:06:42,960
He can fly.
He believes in himself.

154
00:06:45,043 --> 00:06:49,251
<i>♪ I like the way you move ♪</i>

155
00:06:49,085 --> 00:06:51,668
Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh.

156
00:06:56,085 --> 00:06:58,918
<i>♪ I like the way you move ♪</i>

157
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:01,126
[audience cheering
and applauding]

158
00:07:01,210 --> 00:07:03,335
We gonna take
a quick commercial break, y'all.

159
00:07:03,418 --> 00:07:04,668
Don't go nowhere.

160
00:07:04,751 --> 00:07:06,918
We'll be right back
with more<i> Chappelle's Show.</i>

161
00:07:09,501 --> 00:07:11,251
♪ Chappelle's Show ♪

162
00:07:11,085 --> 00:07:12,418
<i>♪ Ow! ♪</i>

163
00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:14,668
Hey, everybody,
welcome back.

164
00:07:17,043 --> 00:07:18,293
You know, folks,

165
00:07:19,876 --> 00:07:21,793
you ever be watchin'
a ball game,

166
00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:23,668
and then these
beer commercials come on,

167
00:07:23,751 --> 00:07:26,668
and it just makes it seem like
dudes go out and drink beer

168
00:07:26,751 --> 00:07:28,501
and have the best time?

169
00:07:28,585 --> 00:07:30,210
Let me tell you somethin'
about drinkin' beer.

170
00:07:30,293 --> 00:07:33,668
Drinkin' beer brings
the animal out in somebody.

171
00:07:33,751 --> 00:07:36,168
And I know alcohol companies
sponsor my show.

172
00:07:36,251 --> 00:07:38,751
I ain't talkin' about them,
them shits are delicious.

173
00:07:38,835 --> 00:07:40,251
I'm talkin' about
the rest of 'em.

174
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:41,460
They go too far.

175
00:07:41,543 --> 00:07:43,293
The ads are irresponsible.

176
00:07:43,376 --> 00:07:44,751
Why don't they make
an honest commercial

177
00:07:44,835 --> 00:07:46,668
that shows the animal
that beer brings out?

178
00:07:46,751 --> 00:07:47,626
Like this.

179
00:07:48,543 --> 00:07:50,501
Hey, what night is it, guys?

180
00:07:50,585 --> 00:07:52,293
[all] Dudes' night out!

181
00:07:52,376 --> 00:07:53,585
Yeah!

182
00:07:53,668 --> 00:07:55,210
[all] Dudes, dudes, dudes.

183
00:07:56,335 --> 00:07:58,043
I don't know what it is,
you know?

184
00:07:58,126 --> 00:07:59,210
Oh.

185
00:08:00,835 --> 00:08:02,918
Yo, excuse me,
what are you--

186
00:08:03,001 --> 00:08:04,001
[Dave] Hey, man,
what do you mean,

187
00:08:04,085 --> 00:08:04,793
don't worry about it?

188
00:08:04,876 --> 00:08:06,126
I bought that bitch a drink!

189
00:08:06,210 --> 00:08:08,460
I don't play that game!

190
00:08:08,543 --> 00:08:09,585
Hey! Look out, Billy!

191
00:08:11,251 --> 00:08:12,210
Oh! What?

192
00:08:12,293 --> 00:08:14,501
You think
this is a game, biatch?

193
00:08:14,585 --> 00:08:16,251
This is dudes' night out!

194
00:08:17,126 --> 00:08:18,460
[screaming]

195
00:08:18,543 --> 00:08:20,126
Motherfucker!

196
00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:23,585
[screaming]

197
00:08:23,668 --> 00:08:25,085
[all] Dudes' night out!

198
00:08:25,168 --> 00:08:28,210
Only reason I'm cryin'
is 'cause of the adrenaline.

199
00:08:32,043 --> 00:08:33,251
[retches]

200
00:08:33,335 --> 00:08:36,085
Oh, no, man, no!

201
00:08:37,168 --> 00:08:38,085
[all] Dudes' night out!

202
00:08:39,460 --> 00:08:40,626
[urine trickling]

203
00:08:40,710 --> 00:08:41,710
[man grunting]

204
00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:48,001
[all] Dudes' night out!

205
00:08:48,085 --> 00:08:50,460
Hey, hey, little lady.

206
00:08:50,543 --> 00:08:52,626
[man] Y'all wanna party with us?

207
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:55,626
Oh!

208
00:08:55,710 --> 00:08:57,335
Oh, nigga, that's a dude!

209
00:08:57,418 --> 00:08:59,376
Shut the fuck up, Dave.

210
00:08:59,460 --> 00:09:00,585
I am drunk,

211
00:09:00,668 --> 00:09:02,876
and I am horny. Hey, baby.

212
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,543
Ha! you're jealous, Dave!

213
00:09:05,626 --> 00:09:08,043
[Dave] No, don't do it! No!

214
00:09:08,126 --> 00:09:09,126
[all] Dudes' night out!

215
00:09:12,293 --> 00:09:13,251
Let's go.

216
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:14,335
[Dave] Let's get out of here.

217
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,918
Yo, a mouth's a mouth, man.

218
00:09:20,001 --> 00:09:21,251
-[Dave] What?
-I'm out.

219
00:09:22,126 --> 00:09:23,251
Billy, what are you doin'?

220
00:09:23,335 --> 00:09:25,460
Billy. Billy!

221
00:09:27,543 --> 00:09:29,335
[Steve] I'm just gonna
be a minute.

222
00:09:29,418 --> 00:09:32,668
Hey, Steve! Hey, you guys!

223
00:09:32,751 --> 00:09:35,043
[man] Yo, Tonya... Tony...
Whatever your name is.

224
00:09:35,126 --> 00:09:36,126
Bye, Dave.

225
00:09:36,210 --> 00:09:37,251
[man] When it's
dudes' night out,

226
00:09:37,335 --> 00:09:39,501
it's got to be Schlipp's.

227
00:09:39,585 --> 00:09:41,543
[audience cheering
and applauding]

228
00:09:41,626 --> 00:09:44,043
Hey, everybody, we're gonna
take a quick commercial break.

229
00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:46,835
But don't go nowhere.
We'll be right back.

230
00:09:50,418 --> 00:09:51,501
Okay.

231
00:09:51,585 --> 00:09:53,251
<i>♪ Turn on your TV ♪</i>

232
00:09:54,043 --> 00:09:55,501
<i>♪ What you gonna see? ♪</i>

233
00:09:57,168 --> 00:09:58,793
Welcome back!

234
00:10:00,126 --> 00:10:03,126
Welcome back
to<i> Chappelle's Show.</i>

235
00:10:03,210 --> 00:10:05,085
[audience cheering
and applauding]

236
00:10:05,168 --> 00:10:06,543
You know, folks,

237
00:10:09,126 --> 00:10:10,543
I don't know
about any of you guys,

238
00:10:10,626 --> 00:10:12,626
but I'm a parent, alright?

239
00:10:12,710 --> 00:10:14,918
There's a lot of wild things
going on in the world,

240
00:10:15,001 --> 00:10:18,543
and it's very hard to explain
these things to your children.

241
00:10:18,626 --> 00:10:20,043
That's alright,

242
00:10:20,126 --> 00:10:22,501
'cause tonight,
I'm going to help you.

243
00:10:22,585 --> 00:10:25,210
I have created a show
that helps to explain

244
00:10:25,293 --> 00:10:27,335
the evils of the world
to youth

245
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:29,210
in a way
that they can understand

246
00:10:29,043 --> 00:10:30,418
and that's palatable to them,

247
00:10:30,501 --> 00:10:32,210
and I hope you enjoy it.

248
00:10:32,293 --> 00:10:33,585
Here it is.

249
00:10:33,668 --> 00:10:36,043
[twinkling music]

250
00:10:38,043 --> 00:10:40,168
Hey, everyone,
look what I found.

251
00:10:40,251 --> 00:10:42,126
It's...It's a dagger!

252
00:10:42,210 --> 00:10:45,043
[all] Wow!

253
00:10:45,126 --> 00:10:47,251
[Bobble] Whoa, that's not
a toy, there, Robert!

254
00:10:47,335 --> 00:10:49,210
[all] Bobble!

255
00:10:49,043 --> 00:10:50,876
Hey, kids.

256
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,210
Hey, you better be careful

257
00:10:52,043 --> 00:10:53,585
when you're handlin'
those things.

258
00:10:53,668 --> 00:10:57,001
That's not a dagger at all.
It's called a syringe.

259
00:10:57,085 --> 00:10:59,876
People use it to inject
a drug called heroin

260
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,751
directly into
their bloodstream.

261
00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:02,960
Why?

262
00:11:03,043 --> 00:11:05,001
Probably because
you get higher that way

263
00:11:05,085 --> 00:11:06,626
than sniffing it.

264
00:11:06,710 --> 00:11:08,710
Bobble, why do people
get high?

265
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:11,085
Oh, very good question,
young lady.

266
00:11:11,168 --> 00:11:12,585
For all kinds of reasons.

267
00:11:12,668 --> 00:11:15,251
Some people think they need it
just to get through the day,

268
00:11:15,085 --> 00:11:17,210
and some people
just like to party

269
00:11:17,293 --> 00:11:19,001
and can quit whenever they want,

270
00:11:20,126 --> 00:11:21,043
like me.

271
00:11:22,001 --> 00:11:23,168
Ah!

272
00:11:23,251 --> 00:11:24,085
Oh!

273
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:27,501
[groaning]

274
00:11:30,043 --> 00:11:31,710
[sighs]

275
00:11:31,793 --> 00:11:34,668
Kids, there are a lot
of double standards

276
00:11:34,751 --> 00:11:36,793
about drugs in this country.

277
00:11:36,876 --> 00:11:39,126
[twinkling harp music]

278
00:11:39,210 --> 00:11:42,126
<i>♪ Kids, it's time</i>
<i>To keep it real ♪</i>

279
00:11:42,210 --> 00:11:44,126
<i>♪ Life is hard ♪</i>

280
00:11:44,210 --> 00:11:46,126
<i>♪ And I can't deal ♪</i>

281
00:11:46,210 --> 00:11:48,168
<i>♪ I know it looks</i>
<i>A certain way ♪</i>

282
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:54,543
<i>♪ But people get high</i>
<i>Every day ♪</i>

283
00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:57,126
<i>♪ ♪</i>

284
00:11:57,210 --> 00:12:02,168
<i>♪ Some people do it</i>
<i>With cigarette smokin' ♪</i>

285
00:12:02,251 --> 00:12:06,335
<i>♪ Others treat their headaches</i>
<i>With ibuprofen ♪</i>

286
00:12:06,418 --> 00:12:10,793
<i>♪ Your grandpa talks</i>
<i>About self-respect ♪</i>

287
00:12:10,876 --> 00:12:14,251
<i>♪ And then he takes drugs</i>
<i>To keep his cock erect ♪</i>

288
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:19,668
<i>♪ But it's all drugs to me ♪</i>

289
00:12:19,751 --> 00:12:24,043
<i>♪ It's all drugs to me ♪</i>

290
00:12:24,126 --> 00:12:25,876
[moans]

291
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,293
That junk's kicking in, kids.

292
00:12:28,376 --> 00:12:31,043
It feels like I have
a million teeny, tiny kitty cats

293
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:32,418
rubbing my balls

294
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:35,001
as I skeet, skeet, skeet
all over the walls!

295
00:12:35,085 --> 00:12:37,210
[laughing]

296
00:12:37,293 --> 00:12:38,793
Let me bring
this bitch home.

297
00:12:38,876 --> 00:12:40,418
<i>♪ They're all ♪</i>

298
00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:45,793
<i>♪ Drugs ♪</i>

299
00:12:45,876 --> 00:12:48,001
<i>♪ To ♪</i>

300
00:12:51,168 --> 00:12:52,710
[audience laughing]

301
00:13:03,835 --> 00:13:08,793
<i>♪ Me ♪</i>

302
00:13:11,751 --> 00:13:13,043
I'm going
to the emergency room.

303
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,543
Bye-bye, kids.

304
00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:19,126
You see, kids,
always throw away your trash.

305
00:13:21,085 --> 00:13:22,085
[groans softly]

306
00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:24,168
I'm fucking dying, man!

307
00:13:25,626 --> 00:13:27,960
[Bobble groaning]
-Hey!

308
00:13:28,043 --> 00:13:29,960
[all] It's Stinky, the grom.

309
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,668
Fuck you too.

310
00:13:31,751 --> 00:13:33,585
What's wrong, Stinky?

311
00:13:33,668 --> 00:13:35,251
Besides living
in a trash can

312
00:13:35,085 --> 00:13:37,126
and having a syringe lodged
in my fucking head,

313
00:13:37,210 --> 00:13:38,960
nothing, I guess.

314
00:13:39,043 --> 00:13:41,126
Where are your parents, anyway?

315
00:13:41,210 --> 00:13:43,376
My mommy and daddy
are at work.

316
00:13:43,460 --> 00:13:44,543
Oh, yeah?

317
00:13:44,626 --> 00:13:47,168
Well, me, I gave up working
a long time ago.

318
00:13:47,251 --> 00:13:48,960
Don't give up, Stinky.

319
00:13:49,043 --> 00:13:51,960
My dad says if you never
give up and work hard,

320
00:13:52,043 --> 00:13:54,043
all your dreams will come true.

321
00:13:54,126 --> 00:13:56,501
That's the gayest shit
I ever heard.

322
00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,168
What?

323
00:13:58,251 --> 00:13:59,668
[upbeat bass music]

324
00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:02,835
<i>♪ I don't believe yo' pappy ♪</i>

325
00:14:02,918 --> 00:14:06,168
<i>♪ He may be rich,</i>
<i>But he ain't happy ♪</i>

326
00:14:06,251 --> 00:14:09,043
<i>♪ Tells you 'bout work</i>
<i>And you want to be him ♪</i>

327
00:14:09,126 --> 00:14:12,168
<i>♪ But when's the last time</i>
<i>You got to see him? ♪</i>

328
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:15,168
<i>♪ He works hard, why? ♪</i>

329
00:14:15,251 --> 00:14:18,626
<i>♪ So you can go out</i>
<i>And buy ♪</i>

330
00:14:18,710 --> 00:14:21,626
<i>♪ A bunch of shit</i>
<i>That you don't need ♪</i>

331
00:14:21,710 --> 00:14:25,085
<i>♪ Driven by your punk-ass</i>
<i>Hopes and greed ♪</i>

332
00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:27,668
<i>♪ That's why I say ♪</i>

333
00:14:28,626 --> 00:14:30,126
<i>♪ Fuck it ♪</i>

334
00:14:31,460 --> 00:14:34,418
<i>♪ For the first time</i>
<i>In my life ♪</i>

335
00:14:34,501 --> 00:14:37,710
<i>♪ I'm finally free ♪</i>

336
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,335
<i>♪ No mansion for me ♪</i>

337
00:14:40,418 --> 00:14:42,751
<i>♪ I said "Fuck it" ♪</i>

338
00:14:42,835 --> 00:14:45,126
<i>♪ No brand-new Humvee ♪</i>

339
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:47,418
<i>♪ I say "Fuck it" ♪</i>

340
00:14:47,501 --> 00:14:50,085
<i>♪ But you'll get no pussy ♪</i>

341
00:14:52,043 --> 00:14:53,210
<i>♪ Fuck it ♪</i>

342
00:14:54,251 --> 00:14:57,210
<i>♪ What you don't understand ♪</i>

343
00:14:57,293 --> 00:15:00,418
<i>♪ Is I make love to my hand ♪</i>

344
00:15:00,501 --> 00:15:03,710
<i>♪ So I don't need you, honey ♪</i>

345
00:15:03,793 --> 00:15:07,085
<i>♪ I beat my dick</i>
<i>Like it owes me money ♪</i>

346
00:15:07,168 --> 00:15:08,876
<i>♪ Fuck it ♪</i>

347
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,210
That's right, I said fuck it.

348
00:15:12,251 --> 00:15:13,335
Now, if you'll excuse me,

349
00:15:13,418 --> 00:15:16,085
I'm gonna make me
a nice feces sandwich.

350
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:19,960
Look, it's Dangle!

351
00:15:21,126 --> 00:15:23,626
And, hey,
you're Chris Rock!

352
00:15:23,710 --> 00:15:25,668
It's Dave Chappelle,
but close enough.

353
00:15:25,751 --> 00:15:27,710
[kid] Where are you guys going?

354
00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:29,835
Well, Dangle's not
feeling well,

355
00:15:29,918 --> 00:15:31,251
so I'm taking him
to the doctor.

356
00:15:31,085 --> 00:15:32,418
What's wrong, Dangle?

357
00:15:32,501 --> 00:15:34,335
Actually, it's my penis.

358
00:15:35,043 --> 00:15:35,960
what's that?

359
00:15:36,543 --> 00:15:37,168
[unzips pants]

360
00:15:38,376 --> 00:15:40,085
[all] Ew!

361
00:15:42,585 --> 00:15:44,668
When I pee-pee,
it burns like hell.

362
00:15:44,751 --> 00:15:47,043
I have what's known
as a venereal disease.

363
00:15:47,126 --> 00:15:48,210
How did you get it?

364
00:15:49,001 --> 00:15:49,835
From fucking.

365
00:15:51,210 --> 00:15:54,043
I got so much puppet-ass,
it could be from anywhere.

366
00:15:55,668 --> 00:15:57,043
What's the sickness called?

367
00:15:57,126 --> 00:15:58,335
I'm not sure, Robert.

368
00:15:58,418 --> 00:16:00,376
That's why we're going
to the doctor.

369
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,293
There's a lot of different kinds
of penis sicknesses out there.

370
00:16:03,376 --> 00:16:05,085
Isn't that right, Q-Tip?

371
00:16:05,168 --> 00:16:08,835
That's right, Dave,
all kinds.

372
00:16:08,918 --> 00:16:12,960
<i>♪ Sex isn't wrong,</i>
<i>But you gotta be right ♪</i>

373
00:16:13,043 --> 00:16:14,793
<i>♪ If you're hitting the sheets ♪</i>

374
00:16:14,876 --> 00:16:17,460
<i>♪ Then wrap it up tight ♪</i>

375
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:21,710
<i>♪ Listen up, kids,</i>
<i>'Cause I ain't jokin' ♪</i>

376
00:16:21,793 --> 00:16:23,376
<i>♪ One bad decision ♪</i>

377
00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:26,085
<i>♪ Your dick will be smokin' ♪</i>

378
00:16:26,168 --> 00:16:29,960
<i>♪ You'll catch a VD</i>
<i>But don't take it from me ♪</i>

379
00:16:31,543 --> 00:16:33,585
[upbeat French music]

380
00:16:49,585 --> 00:16:51,168
[sizzling]

381
00:16:51,251 --> 00:16:52,960
Oh, hello, Dave Chappelle,

382
00:16:53,043 --> 00:16:54,501
haven't seen you for a while.

383
00:16:54,585 --> 00:16:56,126
What's it been,
two months?

384
00:16:57,168 --> 00:16:58,251
Dirty motherfucker.

385
00:16:58,085 --> 00:16:59,960
[Dave] Oh, here come the crabs.

386
00:17:00,043 --> 00:17:01,918
[upbeat Latin music]

387
00:17:13,251 --> 00:17:14,210
<i>♪ The crabs ♪</i>

388
00:17:14,043 --> 00:17:15,126
<i>♪ Oh, yes ♪</i>

389
00:17:15,210 --> 00:17:19,501
<i>♪ The crab, the crabs ♪</i>

390
00:17:19,585 --> 00:17:21,001
[both]<i> Ole!</i>

391
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:24,210
This nigga's a freak.

392
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,668
[upbeat music]

393
00:17:44,793 --> 00:17:47,543
<i>♪ I'm the herpes,</i>
<i>The herpes ♪</i>

394
00:17:47,626 --> 00:17:49,918
See you in hell, motherfuckers.

395
00:17:50,001 --> 00:17:51,876
Ooh, baby, I like it raw.

396
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,251
Oh, gosh.

397
00:17:53,335 --> 00:17:56,376
-Wow, life is hard.
-[Dave] Nah, it's not, Lisa.

398
00:17:56,460 --> 00:17:58,418
Alright, look,
if you just remember

399
00:17:58,501 --> 00:18:00,710
to keep your genitals
out of harm's way,

400
00:18:00,793 --> 00:18:04,335
don't chase money,
and refrain from littering,

401
00:18:04,418 --> 00:18:06,043
you'll be a winner.

402
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:07,710
[cheering]

403
00:18:09,043 --> 00:18:10,710
-Q-Tip, take us home!

404
00:18:10,793 --> 00:18:12,043
Come on, kids!

405
00:18:12,126 --> 00:18:13,710
<i>♪ it's a VD day ♪</i>

406
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:15,918
<i>♪ VD day,</i>
<i>A VD day ♪</i>

407
00:18:17,126 --> 00:18:18,335
<i>♪ It's a VD day ♪</i>

408
00:18:18,418 --> 00:18:22,085
<i>♪ VD day,</i>
<i>A VD day ♪</i>

409
00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:24,793
We're gonna take
a quick commercial break.

410
00:18:24,876 --> 00:18:27,168
VD is in the house.
What's up, VD?

411
00:18:30,501 --> 00:18:34,085
[Dave] We'll be right back
with more<i> Chappelle's Show</i> .

412
00:18:37,210 --> 00:18:39,210
♪ Chappelle's Show ♪

413
00:18:39,043 --> 00:18:41,585
Better not bring your kids!

414
00:18:41,668 --> 00:18:43,126
[cheering and applauding]

415
00:18:43,210 --> 00:18:46,085
Ladies and gentlemen,
tonight's musical guest,

416
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:47,335
the voice of Dangle,

417
00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:51,210
none other than
Snoop Doggy Dogg!

418
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,710
Yeah, what up?

419
00:18:53,793 --> 00:18:57,251
Who let this motherfucking
base-head on stage?

420
00:18:57,085 --> 00:18:58,626
Hit this motherfucker, G!

421
00:18:58,710 --> 00:19:00,793
Nah, man,
I can't do that shit.

422
00:19:00,876 --> 00:19:01,876
what?

423
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,460
I been dealing here
for five months,

424
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:05,210
and he ain't hit the pipe
in front of me yet!

425
00:19:05,043 --> 00:19:06,293
[Snoop] So what you saying?

426
00:19:06,376 --> 00:19:09,251
I'm saying,
I think you five-O.

427
00:19:09,085 --> 00:19:10,876
Five-O?

428
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,418
Nigga, I ain't five-O.

429
00:19:12,501 --> 00:19:14,043
Well, then,
hit this motherfucker then!

430
00:19:17,126 --> 00:19:20,168
I can feel it!

431
00:19:20,251 --> 00:19:22,710
Have to show this nigga
I ain't no motherfuckin' police.

432
00:19:24,043 --> 00:19:26,085
I'm a take you
on a ride, Tyrone.

433
00:19:26,168 --> 00:19:28,126
Check this out, nigga.

434
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,460
<i>♪ Creep with me</i>
<i>As I crawl through the hood ♪</i>

435
00:19:30,543 --> 00:19:33,168
<i>♪ Maniac, lunatic</i>
<i>Call him Snoop Eastwood ♪</i>

436
00:19:33,251 --> 00:19:35,460
<i>♪ Kickin' dust as I bust,</i>
<i>Fuck peace ♪</i>

437
00:19:35,543 --> 00:19:38,043
<i>♪ And the motherfuckin'</i>
<i>Punk police ♪</i>

438
00:19:38,126 --> 00:19:40,376
<i>♪ You already know I gives</i>
<i>A fuck about a cop ♪</i>

439
00:19:40,460 --> 00:19:41,668
<i>♪ So why in the fuck ♪</i>

440
00:19:41,751 --> 00:19:43,168
<i>♪ Would you think</i>
<i>That it would stop? ♪</i>

441
00:19:43,251 --> 00:19:46,001
<i>♪ Plot, hell yeah,</i>
<i>That's what I'm about to do ♪</i>

442
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:48,293
<i>♪ Take yo ass on the mission</i>
<i>With the boys in blue ♪</i>

443
00:19:48,376 --> 00:19:50,043
<i>♪ Dre! What up, Snoop? ♪</i>

444
00:19:50,126 --> 00:19:51,126
<i>♪ Yo, I got the feelin' ♪</i>

445
00:19:51,210 --> 00:19:52,668
<i>♪ Tonight's the night</i>
<i>Like Betty Wright ♪</i>

446
00:19:52,751 --> 00:19:53,960
<i>♪ And I'm chillin' ♪</i>

447
00:19:54,043 --> 00:19:56,251
<i>♪ Killin', feelin'</i>
<i>No remorse, yeah ♪</i>

448
00:19:56,335 --> 00:19:59,126
<i>♪ So let's go straight</i>
<i>To the motherfuckin' source ♪</i>

449
00:19:59,210 --> 00:20:00,835
<i>♪ And see what we can find ♪</i>

450
00:20:00,918 --> 00:20:03,585
<i>♪ Crooked-ass cops that pop us</i>
<i>And give us a gang of times ♪</i>

451
00:20:03,668 --> 00:20:05,710
<i>♪ And now they wanna</i>
<i>Make a deal with me ♪</i>

452
00:20:05,793 --> 00:20:08,210
<i>♪ Scoop me up</i>
<i>And put me on they team ♪</i>

453
00:20:08,043 --> 00:20:09,835
<i>♪ And chill with me ♪</i>

454
00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:11,210
<i>♪ And make my pockets bigger ♪</i>

455
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:13,085
<i>♪ They want to meet with me</i>
<i>Tonight at seven o'clock ♪</i>

456
00:20:13,168 --> 00:20:15,085
<i>♪ So what's up, nigga?</i>
<i>what you wanna do? ♪</i>

457
00:20:15,168 --> 00:20:16,043
<i>♪ What you tryin' to do? ♪</i>

458
00:20:16,126 --> 00:20:17,543
<i>♪ I got your gauge, my Uzi ♪</i>

459
00:20:17,626 --> 00:20:19,043
<i>♪ And your</i>
<i>Motherfuckin' .22 ♪</i>

460
00:20:19,126 --> 00:20:21,210
<i>♪ So if you wanna blast, nigga,</i>
<i>We can buck 'em ♪</i>

461
00:20:21,293 --> 00:20:23,585
<i>♪ If we stick 'em,</i>
<i>Then we stuck 'em, so fuck 'em ♪</i>

462
00:20:23,668 --> 00:20:26,251
<i>♪ I said, yeah,</i>
<i>And you don't stop ♪</i>

463
00:20:26,085 --> 00:20:29,168
<i>♪ 'Cause it's 1-8-7</i>
<i>On a motherfuckin' rock ♪</i>

464
00:20:29,251 --> 00:20:31,210
<i>♪ Yeah, and you don't stop ♪</i>

465
00:20:31,293 --> 00:20:34,126
<i>♪ 'Cause it's 1-8-7</i>
<i>On a motherfuckin' rock ♪</i>

466
00:20:34,210 --> 00:20:36,251
On a motherfuckin' rock?

467
00:20:36,085 --> 00:20:38,085
<i>♪ 1-8-7</i>
<i>On the motherfuckin'... ♪</i>

468
00:20:38,168 --> 00:20:39,751
...rock.
That's how I do.

469
00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:43,418
I can't put you
on that one.

470
00:20:43,501 --> 00:20:45,210
[cheering and applauding]

471
00:20:45,293 --> 00:20:47,710
I'd like to thank
my guest, Snoop Dogg.

472
00:20:47,793 --> 00:20:49,501
I'd like to thank
venereal diseases

473
00:20:49,585 --> 00:20:50,918
and the kids and everybody.

474
00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:52,918
And I'd like to thank you
at home for watching.

475
00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:54,501
I will see you next week.

476
00:20:57,293 --> 00:20:58,751
[man]<i> I'm rich, biatch!</i>

477
00:20:58,835 --> 00:20:59,626
[horn honking]

478
00:20:59,710 --> 00:21:01,001
[woman]<i> Hi, thank you!</i>

479
00:21:02,168 --> 00:21:05,460
I have what's known as
a sexually transmitted
disease.

480
00:21:05,543 --> 00:21:06,335
[man] How'd you get it?

481
00:21:06,418 --> 00:21:07,626
From fucking.

482
00:21:07,710 --> 00:21:08,960
[chuckles]

483
00:21:09,043 --> 00:21:10,251
[laughing]

484
00:21:18,085 --> 00:21:19,293
[mumbles]

485
00:21:20,251 --> 00:21:23,168
[bottles clinking]

486
00:21:23,251 --> 00:21:25,210
<i>♪ Breast milk ♪</i>

487
00:21:25,043 --> 00:21:27,835
[laughing]