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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
♪ Oww ♪
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♪ Woo-hoo-hoo ♪
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♪ Woo-hoo ♪
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♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
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Let's start the show.
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[announcer] And now,
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"A moment in the life
of Lil Jon."
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[audience cheering]
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Lil Jon?
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Yeah!
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I understand you may have
fractured your arm.
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Yeah!
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Let's take a look.
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Okay!
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Does this hurt?
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No.
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This?
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Not really, no.
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-This?
-[gasps]
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No.
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-What about this?
-Yeah!
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All right then.
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Do you have your
proof of insurance?
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-What?
-Proof of insurance.
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What?
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Proof of insurance.
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-What?
-Proof of insurance.
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Huh?
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Proof of insurance.
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What?
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-Proof of insurance.
-What?
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-Your proof of insurance?
-What?
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-Your proof of insurance.
-What?
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-Proof of insurance?
-Huh?
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Proof of insurance?
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Yeah!
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Oh, it's right here.
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Now, do you do
any recreational drugs?
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What?
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Do you do any
recreational drugs?
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[chortles]
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That depends, doctor.
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What do you define as "Drugs"?
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-Medication?
-No.
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Cocaine?
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Absolutely not.
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-Marijuana?
-Yeah!
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Yeah!
Yeah!
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What?
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Nothing.
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What?
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Nothing.
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-Pardon me?
-Nothing, just writing.
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-What?
-I didn't say anything.
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-What?
-Be done in a second.
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Okay!
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Fine.
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What?
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Need anything?
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No, I'm cool.
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-Okay.
-Okay.
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[announcer] You've just watched
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"A moment in
the life of Lil Jon."
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-[audience applause]
-Dave Chappelle!
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Hey.
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Hey.
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Oh, what's happening, y'all?
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What's up, everybody?
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Welcome to " Chappelle's Show "
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Thank you for being here.
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-[audience cheering]
-Man.
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You know, folks,
you might've heard me say this
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publicly many times,
but this time I mean it.
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I've--
I've quit smoking reefer.
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[audience laughing]
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No, I'm serious this time, man.
This--I'm done.
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I don't want to smoke it
no more.
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Them commercials be working
on me, man.
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Every time
I seen them commercials,
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they just have me feeling bad,
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especially this one.
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[man 1] Let me get
my cheddar burger, man.
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[man 2] Hold your horses, man.
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We all hungry.
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[man 1] Are your horses here,
yo?
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Yo, let me hold them for you,
man.
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[laughing]
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Let me get
my cheddar burger, man.
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We've been here a long time.
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-[coughing]
-You all right?
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[laughing]
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No cheddar for you, man.
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Give me a cheddar burger, man.
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Man, chill out
with that cheddar burger.
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Yeah, chill out.
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Yo, it was in your hand
the whole time, stupid.
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Yo, you got to eat
that burger, dude.
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-[crash]
-[audience gasps]
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Shit.
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You killed her, yo!
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Come on, man, we got to
chop her body up
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and stuff it down the drain!
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Let's go!
Let's get the fuck out of here!
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I can't, man!
There's people back there.
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Shit!
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[all screaming]
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-Fuck.
-Come on!
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Let's go, let's go!
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[laughs]
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I just love the fact
that I have a show
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where you can run over a kid,
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and everyone just
busts out laughing
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[audience laughing]
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only in this show.
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Well, folks, here he is--
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America's favorite,
my favorite,
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Mr. Paul Mooney.
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[audience applause]
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And now, "Mooney on movies."
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Our first film
is "G one with the wind ."
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This film is an epic romance
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centering around
Scarlett O'Hara,
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a damsel in distress
during the civil war.
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It is a must-own,
must-see movie.
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I highly recommend it.
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I couldn't agree
with you more.
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I've actually
seen "Gone with the wind"
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13 times since I was
ten years old.
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No kidding.
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You must be on crack.
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I don't think
we've seen the same movie.
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I thought Scarlett was a ho
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'cause she went bed
with everybody, uh, but Mammy.
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Um, I love Mammy.
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Mammy was the best--
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The best scene in the movie is
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when Mammy
told the white people,
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"Get off my porch,
White Trash!"
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I stood and I applauded.
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I loved every bit of it.
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I liked Mammy, though.
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I really--
I thought she was great.
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I thought she had a great role.
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Do you know in real life
it was Hattie McDaniel's.
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They wouldn't let "Mammy"
go to the opening.
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Hollywood--
No, no--
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Hollywood goes too far.
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But she's dead.
But she's dead.
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But everybody comes back.
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Everybody comes back
to get their money.
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She came back as Oprah Winfrey
to get her money.
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"Barbershop"
is a smart comedy
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about a day in the life
of a black barbershop
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on the south side of Chicago.
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It is owned by ice cube
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and inhabited
by a colorful cast of characters
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who bicker with one another
in various hilarious ways.
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Recently, a sequel was made.
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You know it's just a front.
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It really--They really sell
drugs out of barbershops.
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[stutters]
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"The Last Samurai"
centers around Tom Cruise,
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a civil war veteran
who goes to Japan
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and teaches the emperor's troops
how to fight.
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-Mr. Mooney?
-No, no, another movie this--
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I was offended by.
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I mean, Hollywood is crazy.
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" The Last Samurai "
starring Tom Cruise?
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-He's the Last Samurai?
-Mm-hmm.
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Give me a break.
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That movie was offensive.
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I mean, Hollywood is crazy.
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First, they had
" The Mexican " with Brad Pitt,
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and now they've got
" The Last Samurai"
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with Tom Cruise.
Well, I've written a film.
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Maybe they'll--
Maybe they'll produce my film:
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"The Last Nigger On Earth"
starring Tom Hanks.
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-How about that?
-[audience applause]
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We're gonna take
a quick commercial break.
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We'll be right back.
Don't go nowhere.
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[audience cheering]
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[upbeat music]
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[laughs] Go ahead.
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-[audience cheering]
-Welcome back.
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Welcome back
to Chappelle's Show, everybody.
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Man.
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Now, has anybody ever been,
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seen this thing on ESPN?
These poker games now?
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Like poker--
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I didn't even know poker
was a sport.
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They--
That's weird, right?
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Poker championships.
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I didn't know
that gambling was so acceptable.
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And then I was watching
late at night
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they have actually, like,
blacks, like, black gambling,
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like, the world series of dice.
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It's crazy.
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[laughing]
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I'm serious.
It's right--look.
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[audience laughing]
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Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,
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and welcome
to the Marcy projects
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here in Brooklyn, New York.
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Why are we here?
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To buy weed?
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Not this time, Bill.
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Nope, everyone knows
we're here for one reason
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and one reason only.
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We're here
for the eighth annual
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World Series of Dice.
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00:08:00,126 --> 00:08:01,126
Well, that's right, Rob.
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Some of the greatest players
from around the world
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00:08:03,085 --> 00:08:05,335
have gathered here to
compete for the grand prize:
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One another's money.
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00:08:06,543 --> 00:08:08,085
And bragging rights
for the whole year.
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00:08:08,168 --> 00:08:11,710
Let's meet them,
these kings of click-clack.
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From Kansas City, Missouri,
legendary shooter
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Grits n' Gravy.
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00:08:16,876 --> 00:08:18,085
Grits n' Gravy.
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00:08:18,168 --> 00:08:20,251
Kansas City, Missouri.
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Flying in from
the far east is Phyuck Yiu,
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one of the premier dice players
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00:08:25,126 --> 00:08:26,251
in the eastern hemisphere.
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00:08:26,335 --> 00:08:28,918
He has played dice in some
of the gullyest of games.
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Phyuck Yiu.
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Konichiwa, bitches!
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Drop the card, baby!
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And that's
Leonard Washington.
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You know they say,
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"Papa didn't take no mess."
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Well, neither does Leonard.
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My name's Leonard Washington.
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Where I'm from?
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00:08:45,376 --> 00:08:46,335
a little town called
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"None of your Goddamn business."
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Let's play some dice, bitches.
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And finally,
from these very projects,
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local legend Ashy Larry.
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00:08:57,085 --> 00:08:58,418
Why do they call him
Ashy Larry?
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Well, there's your answer.
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00:09:01,751 --> 00:09:03,043
Ashy Larry.
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00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,168
Marcy projects.
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00:09:04,251 --> 00:09:05,460
Marcy, son.
What.
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Okay,
Larry gets first roll.
247
00:09:10,376 --> 00:09:11,418
Let's see how he does.
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That man is drier
than Kunta Kinte's ankle.
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Come on, let's go.
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I stole this money
out of my girl's purse.
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She think I'm out
emptying the trash.
252
00:09:26,251 --> 00:09:29,001
Come on, baby, I need this.
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What you need
is some chopstick
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and a set of trousers.
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Roll the dice,
you ashy mother fucker.
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Start the game.
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All right, but I'm about
to go from ashy to classy.
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[moaning]
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00:09:41,793 --> 00:09:44,585
Ooh, and just like that,
Ashy Larry is eliminated.
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-Ouch.
-She gonna kill me.
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00:09:46,751 --> 00:09:48,210
Keisha gonna kill me.
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00:09:48,293 --> 00:09:50,168
Larry, what the fuck
are you doing?
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I was--Okay, remember,
I was emptying the trash--
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And that better
not be the money
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out my God damn purse!
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I was--Okay, remember--
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Pick the shit up
and get the fuck out of here.
268
00:09:57,251 --> 00:09:58,251
That's just what I'm
trying to tell you!
269
00:09:58,335 --> 00:09:59,835
I was just taking
the trash out.
270
00:09:59,918 --> 00:10:02,001
You hear me?
I was just taking the trash--
271
00:10:03,335 --> 00:10:05,210
She is gonna fuck him up.
272
00:10:05,043 --> 00:10:06,543
You said it, Bill.
273
00:10:06,626 --> 00:10:09,210
Okay, Grits n' Gravy
is up next.
274
00:10:09,293 --> 00:10:11,626
Now, grits is
most known for once rolling
275
00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:15,710
77 sevens in a row
at a casino in Las Vegas,
276
00:10:15,793 --> 00:10:18,085
making him
a millionaire in the process.
277
00:10:18,168 --> 00:10:19,501
Well, you know, Rob,
earlier today,
278
00:10:19,585 --> 00:10:21,085
we asked him what
he did with the money.
279
00:10:21,168 --> 00:10:22,293
Let's take a look.
280
00:10:22,376 --> 00:10:24,126
I bought my mama a car.
281
00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:27,085
I spent the rest on PCP.
282
00:10:28,168 --> 00:10:29,085
Okay, simple enough.
283
00:10:29,168 --> 00:10:30,293
I like his style.
284
00:10:30,376 --> 00:10:31,293
Loves his mother.
285
00:10:31,376 --> 00:10:32,668
Loves PCP.
286
00:10:32,751 --> 00:10:34,585
Grits n' Gravy
is ready to roll.
287
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,210
Let's see how he does.
288
00:10:36,043 --> 00:10:37,835
-Come on, put in.
-All right.
289
00:10:37,918 --> 00:10:39,126
Put up or shut up.
290
00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:40,418
-All right, just hold on.
-Time to double up!
291
00:10:41,335 --> 00:10:42,835
Here to take
everybody money.
292
00:10:44,168 --> 00:10:46,001
Seven!
Seven!
293
00:10:46,085 --> 00:10:46,876
Seven!
294
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,251
What you all know about seven?
295
00:10:48,335 --> 00:10:49,126
Pay me.
296
00:10:49,210 --> 00:10:51,626
Boy, you are the Goddamn devil.
297
00:10:51,710 --> 00:10:53,626
Put it down there.
Put it down there!
298
00:10:53,710 --> 00:10:55,210
Let's spread this around.
Yes.
299
00:10:55,043 --> 00:10:56,835
Hubba-hubba!
300
00:10:56,918 --> 00:10:59,293
A'ight, you know what?
I'm tired.
301
00:10:59,376 --> 00:11:00,460
I ain't got all day.
302
00:11:00,543 --> 00:11:02,126
I got babies to kiss
and bitches to catch.
303
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:03,835
All in.
304
00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:05,626
All in?
305
00:11:07,335 --> 00:11:08,876
I see you.
306
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,835
[dramatic music]
307
00:11:12,251 --> 00:11:14,210
[dramatic whistling]
308
00:11:14,293 --> 00:11:16,418
[Rob] And Leonard
laying it on thick.
309
00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:19,793
An incredible stare down
between Leonard and Grits.
310
00:11:19,876 --> 00:11:22,210
Look at the flaring nostrils.
311
00:11:22,043 --> 00:11:23,751
Makes me want to throw up.
312
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:26,460
Ooh!
313
00:11:26,543 --> 00:11:28,126
-Snake eyes!
-Damn!
314
00:11:28,210 --> 00:11:31,085
And just like that,
Grits is eliminated.
315
00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:34,043
And when I leave,
come together like butt cheeks.
316
00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:36,335
And it comes down
to these two men,
317
00:11:36,418 --> 00:11:39,376
Leonard Washington
and Phyuck Yiu.
318
00:11:41,251 --> 00:11:42,751
I want everybody in here
319
00:11:42,835 --> 00:11:44,668
-[people screaming]
-to get butt-ass naked!
320
00:11:44,751 --> 00:11:46,126
Get your Goddamn clothes off!
321
00:11:46,210 --> 00:11:48,043
This is a robbery!
322
00:11:48,126 --> 00:11:51,501
And almost on cue
the game gets robbed.
323
00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:54,751
Local thug
Rodney "Quills" Dinkins,
324
00:11:54,835 --> 00:11:57,335
breaking into the
Marcy projects hallway here
325
00:11:57,418 --> 00:12:00,168
and telling us all
to get butt naked.
326
00:12:00,251 --> 00:12:03,126
You know, Bill,
dice games get robbed.
327
00:12:03,210 --> 00:12:04,793
It happens all the time.
328
00:12:04,876 --> 00:12:08,126
They very rarely come
to a reasonable end.
329
00:12:08,835 --> 00:12:11,168
T.V is no different.
330
00:12:11,251 --> 00:12:12,710
What you waiting for,
cool breeze?
331
00:12:12,793 --> 00:12:14,168
Get butt naked right now!
332
00:12:14,251 --> 00:12:15,335
Get it off, son!
333
00:12:15,418 --> 00:12:18,251
First of all, you better
check your tone with me, man.
334
00:12:18,335 --> 00:12:19,876
I don't think you know
who you're talking to.
335
00:12:20,626 --> 00:12:22,335
I'm Leonard Washington.
336
00:12:22,418 --> 00:12:24,126
I don't get
butt naked for nobody.
337
00:12:26,168 --> 00:12:27,418
You want this roll, nigga,
338
00:12:28,293 --> 00:12:29,710
you gonna have to shoot me.
339
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:33,251
-Okay.
-[gunshot]
340
00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:36,668
This mother fucker
has lost his mind.
341
00:12:38,168 --> 00:12:39,585
God damn!
342
00:12:39,668 --> 00:12:42,585
And Leonard takes
a slug to the leg.
343
00:12:42,668 --> 00:12:43,668
Oh, but I'll tell you
something, Rob,
344
00:12:43,751 --> 00:12:45,918
you noticed he shot him
below the waist,
345
00:12:46,001 --> 00:12:47,335
so it's not attempted murder.
346
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,418
That was very intelligent
on Quills' part.
347
00:12:49,501 --> 00:12:51,210
Quills knows the law.
348
00:12:52,210 --> 00:12:54,335
This is why black people
don't have nothing.
349
00:12:54,418 --> 00:12:55,710
This is just what
they want us to do.
350
00:12:56,751 --> 00:12:58,626
Your mother ain't shit.
351
00:12:58,710 --> 00:13:01,918
And just in time, here comes
dumb ass Ashy Larry.
352
00:13:02,876 --> 00:13:04,043
Where the dice?
Where the dice?
353
00:13:04,126 --> 00:13:05,876
-Where the dice?
-Yo, give me that money, son!
354
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,210
Go upstairs and put on
some lotion, right now!
355
00:13:09,418 --> 00:13:11,126
Keisha told me
just to empty the trash.
356
00:13:12,251 --> 00:13:13,376
Well, Rob, I got to admit,
357
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,751
I saw this robbery coming
from a mile away,
358
00:13:15,835 --> 00:13:18,126
which is why I put
my car keys up my ass.
359
00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:19,460
Quick thinking.
360
00:13:19,543 --> 00:13:22,585
That's right, bitch.
Get them Goddamn clothes off.
361
00:13:22,668 --> 00:13:24,043
Get that money up.
Get that money up!
362
00:13:24,126 --> 00:13:25,751
Okay, okay.
363
00:13:25,835 --> 00:13:28,585
So on behalf of Bill Burr
and Quills,
364
00:13:28,668 --> 00:13:29,751
I'm Robert Petkoff saying--
365
00:13:29,835 --> 00:13:31,168
Get that ring off.
Get that ring off, man!
366
00:13:31,251 --> 00:13:32,043
Sorry, honey.
367
00:13:32,126 --> 00:13:34,126
So long from the Marcy projects
368
00:13:34,210 --> 00:13:35,835
and the world series of dice.
369
00:13:35,918 --> 00:13:37,001
Hopefully, next year,
370
00:13:37,085 --> 00:13:38,043
we'll be able to get
all the way through it,
371
00:13:38,126 --> 00:13:39,335
but probably not.
372
00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,210
Shut the fuck up, man!
373
00:13:41,293 --> 00:13:42,876
Put them cameras in a box!
374
00:13:44,085 --> 00:13:46,168
[audience cheering]
375
00:13:46,585 --> 00:13:48,210
Whoo.
376
00:13:48,293 --> 00:13:50,210
We're gonna take
a quick commercial break.
377
00:13:50,043 --> 00:13:51,251
Don't go anywhere.
378
00:13:51,335 --> 00:13:53,293
We'll be right back
with more Chappelle's Show.
379
00:13:57,626 --> 00:13:58,751
Look out.
380
00:13:58,835 --> 00:14:00,210
♪ Turn on your T.V ♪
381
00:14:01,168 --> 00:14:02,293
♪ What you gonna see ♪
382
00:14:02,376 --> 00:14:04,126
[audience applause]
383
00:14:04,918 --> 00:14:06,085
Hey, welcome back, guys.
384
00:14:07,418 --> 00:14:08,293
Welcome back.
385
00:14:10,085 --> 00:14:12,335
I'm just handling mine.
That's all.
386
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:13,960
Welcome back
to Chappelle's Show.
387
00:14:14,043 --> 00:14:16,626
I'm Dave,
and I keep it real.
388
00:14:16,710 --> 00:14:19,585
Sometimes, "Keeping it real"
can go horribly wrong.
389
00:14:19,668 --> 00:14:21,001
We got to pick our spots.
390
00:14:22,126 --> 00:14:23,710
It's good to be real sometimes.
391
00:14:23,793 --> 00:14:25,001
It's good to be phony sometimes.
392
00:14:25,085 --> 00:14:26,543
Yes, I said it.
Phony!
393
00:14:27,668 --> 00:14:29,251
You think I'm this nice
in real life?
394
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:30,335
Fuck that, son!
395
00:14:30,418 --> 00:14:31,668
[laughing]
396
00:14:31,751 --> 00:14:33,126
It's because I'm on T.V.
397
00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:35,376
I'm wild!
398
00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:39,876
I pull my balls out right now.
I don't care.
399
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,335
Skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet!
400
00:14:41,418 --> 00:14:43,918
[audience applause]
401
00:14:50,210 --> 00:14:52,126
If you don't believe me
that "Keeping it real"
402
00:14:52,210 --> 00:14:54,376
ain't the best thing,
then take a look at this.
403
00:14:55,543 --> 00:14:56,460
[narrator] You're watching
404
00:14:56,543 --> 00:14:58,543
"When 'keeping it real'
goes wrong."
405
00:15:00,043 --> 00:15:03,293
Vernon Franklin
was an exceptional young man.
406
00:15:03,376 --> 00:15:06,335
He was the valedictorian
of his high school class,
407
00:15:06,418 --> 00:15:07,876
won several scholarships,
408
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,626
and became the first person
in his family to attend college.
409
00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:15,918
He got a good job and worked
14-hour days six days a week,
410
00:15:17,126 --> 00:15:18,501
quickly becoming
the youngest Vice president
411
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:21,085
in the history of
the ViaCorp Corporation,
412
00:15:21,168 --> 00:15:23,751
ending the cycle of violence
and drug addiction
413
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:26,543
that had plagued his family
for generations.
414
00:15:28,210 --> 00:15:31,168
The officers of his company
were wrapping up the usual
415
00:15:31,251 --> 00:15:34,085
Thursday meeting
in the south conference room
416
00:15:34,168 --> 00:15:37,001
when Frank Murphy,
the man who had mentored Vernon,
417
00:15:37,085 --> 00:15:38,960
made an awkward comment.
418
00:15:39,043 --> 00:15:41,335
Vernon, great job, buddy!
419
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:42,585
You the man!
420
00:15:42,668 --> 00:15:43,668
Give me some skin, huh?
421
00:15:45,001 --> 00:15:45,960
[announcer] Vernon got along
422
00:15:46,043 --> 00:15:47,710
with all of the people
he worked with,
423
00:15:47,793 --> 00:15:50,001
which in his heart of hearts
made him feel
424
00:15:50,085 --> 00:15:51,918
like an uncle Tom.
425
00:15:52,001 --> 00:15:53,251
Though he could've ignored
426
00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:55,376
the simple comment
his mentor made,
427
00:15:55,460 --> 00:15:58,043
Vernon decided
to "Keep it real."
428
00:15:58,126 --> 00:16:00,585
Get your motherfucking hand
out of my face.
429
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:01,793
You heard me, motherfucker.
430
00:16:01,876 --> 00:16:03,168
Get your hands out of my face!
431
00:16:03,251 --> 00:16:04,460
What do you think this is, man?
432
00:16:04,543 --> 00:16:06,168
Just shake my hand like a man!
433
00:16:06,251 --> 00:16:08,585
Here give me some five
on the backhand side
434
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:09,918
with all this crazy jive.
435
00:16:10,001 --> 00:16:11,043
That's bullshit.
436
00:16:11,126 --> 00:16:12,251
Want a little soft shoe?
437
00:16:12,335 --> 00:16:14,168
Should I juggle some
watermelons for you, boss?
438
00:16:14,251 --> 00:16:15,501
Fuck all that, nigga.
439
00:16:15,585 --> 00:16:16,668
Hey, Vernon, buddy--
440
00:16:16,751 --> 00:16:18,793
Get your motherfucking
hands off me, Frank!
441
00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:20,835
This ain't a game.
442
00:16:20,918 --> 00:16:22,043
This isn't the Vernon I know.
443
00:16:22,126 --> 00:16:25,126
Allow me reintroduce myself.
My name is Hov.
444
00:16:25,210 --> 00:16:26,918
You ain't never heard
that before, have ya?
445
00:16:27,001 --> 00:16:28,876
Rap music, gangsta.
446
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,126
I used to beat
motherfuckers up just like you,
447
00:16:31,210 --> 00:16:32,585
just for walking around my way!
448
00:16:32,668 --> 00:16:33,835
Vernon.
Vernon, buddy--
449
00:16:33,918 --> 00:16:35,126
You better sit
the fuck down, Frank.
450
00:16:35,210 --> 00:16:37,085
-Excuse me?
-You sit down, bitch.
451
00:16:37,168 --> 00:16:38,251
Thug life!
452
00:16:38,085 --> 00:16:40,043
-You think it's a game, nigga?
-[barking]
453
00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:42,210
Wu-tang!
454
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,918
[narrator] Today, Vernon
works at sonny's filler-up
455
00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:46,835
on route 80 in new jersey.
456
00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:48,585
He makes $6.45 an hour
457
00:16:48,668 --> 00:16:51,876
and stinks of gasoline even
when he's not at the station.
458
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,210
It's as real as it can be.
459
00:16:55,043 --> 00:16:56,668
A dollar?
460
00:16:56,751 --> 00:16:57,960
What am I gonna get
with a dollar, nigga?
461
00:16:58,043 --> 00:17:00,126
I got kids, and that's real.
462
00:17:01,501 --> 00:17:02,960
[announcer] Vernon Franklin.
463
00:17:03,043 --> 00:17:06,168
Once a heartwarming story
of perseverance.
464
00:17:06,251 --> 00:17:07,251
Wu-tang!
465
00:17:07,085 --> 00:17:09,251
[narrator] Today,
a sparkling example
466
00:17:09,335 --> 00:17:12,418
of when "Keeping it real"
goes wrong.
467
00:17:12,501 --> 00:17:14,210
[audience cheering]
468
00:17:14,293 --> 00:17:17,126
We're gonna take a quick
commercial break, y'all.
469
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:19,835
We'll be right back
after these messages.
470
00:17:22,793 --> 00:17:23,918
The greatest show.
471
00:17:25,126 --> 00:17:26,085
[audience applause]
472
00:17:26,168 --> 00:17:28,335
Tonight's musical guests,
473
00:17:28,418 --> 00:17:31,043
two of Chicago's finest MCs,
474
00:17:31,126 --> 00:17:34,043
give it up for Common
and Kanye West.
475
00:17:34,126 --> 00:17:36,418
[audience applause]
476
00:17:36,501 --> 00:17:38,085
Common sense, yeah.
477
00:17:38,168 --> 00:17:41,085
Yeah, it's common sense
478
00:17:41,168 --> 00:17:43,876
with Kanye West
on the Dave Chappelle show
479
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,751
everybody got to eat,
right, y'all?
480
00:17:45,835 --> 00:17:47,501
It's the food, baby.
481
00:17:47,585 --> 00:17:49,085
♪ Yo, I walked in the crib ♪
482
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:51,335
♪ Got two kids
And my baby mama late ♪
483
00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:53,043
♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh ♪
484
00:17:53,126 --> 00:17:55,585
♪ So I had to did
What I had to did ♪
485
00:17:55,668 --> 00:17:56,960
♪ 'Cause I had the kid ♪
486
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:58,835
♪ Duh-ough, duh-ough, duh-ough ♪
487
00:17:58,918 --> 00:18:01,168
♪ I'm up all night
Getting my money right ♪
488
00:18:01,251 --> 00:18:02,168
♪ Until the blue and whites ♪
489
00:18:02,251 --> 00:18:03,501
♪ Po-po, Po-po, Po-po ♪
490
00:18:03,585 --> 00:18:05,085
♪ Now the money
Coming slow ♪
491
00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:07,793
♪ But at least a nigga know
Slow motion better than ♪
492
00:18:07,876 --> 00:18:10,126
♪ No-oh, no-oh, no-oh ♪
493
00:18:10,210 --> 00:18:12,335
♪ You love to hear
The story again and again ♪
494
00:18:12,418 --> 00:18:15,168
♪ About these young brothers
From the city of wind ♪
495
00:18:15,251 --> 00:18:17,751
♪ Like juice and gin
In the city we blend ♪
496
00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:19,835
♪ Amongst the hustle,
Titties and skin ♪
497
00:18:19,918 --> 00:18:21,251
♪ '50s and rims ♪
498
00:18:21,335 --> 00:18:23,835
♪ Y'all know the Sprewells
And trucks that's detailed ♪
499
00:18:23,918 --> 00:18:26,126
♪ Heartless females
That want to ride in them ♪
500
00:18:26,210 --> 00:18:28,876
♪ Felt the south side venom
With rawhides and denim ♪
501
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,710
♪ Pimp minds collide with them
In a system that tries victims ♪
502
00:18:31,793 --> 00:18:34,668
♪ We living it, my man
In the fast lane pivoting ♪
503
00:18:34,751 --> 00:18:37,085
♪ On the block
White is selling like Eminem ♪
504
00:18:37,168 --> 00:18:39,918
♪ On the block get
Jumped off like Kim and them ♪
505
00:18:40,001 --> 00:18:41,210
♪ On the block is hot ♪
506
00:18:41,043 --> 00:18:42,710
♪ You can feel it
In your skin and then ♪
507
00:18:42,793 --> 00:18:45,293
♪ Shorties get the game but no
Instructions to assembling ♪
508
00:18:45,376 --> 00:18:48,085
♪ Eyes bright it seems like
The fight is dimming them ♪
509
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,210
♪ Call my man cuz like
I'm kin to him ♪
510
00:18:50,293 --> 00:18:52,668
♪ He trying to stay straight
The streets is bending him ♪
511
00:18:52,751 --> 00:18:54,168
♪ I walked in the crib ♪
512
00:18:54,251 --> 00:18:56,460
♪ Got two kids
And my baby mama late ♪
513
00:18:56,543 --> 00:18:58,210
♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh ♪
514
00:18:58,293 --> 00:19:00,835
♪ So I had to did
What I had to did ♪
515
00:19:00,918 --> 00:19:02,085
♪ 'Cause I had the kid ♪
516
00:19:02,168 --> 00:19:03,710
♪ Duh-ough, duh-ough, duh-ough ♪
517
00:19:03,793 --> 00:19:06,085
♪ Yo, I'm up all night
Getting my money right ♪
518
00:19:06,168 --> 00:19:07,501
♪ Until the blue and whites ♪
519
00:19:07,585 --> 00:19:09,168
♪ Po-po, Po-po, Po-po ♪
520
00:19:09,251 --> 00:19:11,543
♪ Now the money coming slow
But at least a nigga know ♪
521
00:19:11,626 --> 00:19:13,126
♪ Slow motion better than ♪
522
00:19:13,210 --> 00:19:14,626
♪ No-oh, no-oh, no-oh ♪
523
00:19:14,710 --> 00:19:17,126
♪ It's all good in the hood
Like raps and gems ♪
524
00:19:17,210 --> 00:19:20,335
♪ Throwbacks and timbs,
Blacks and rims ♪
525
00:19:20,418 --> 00:19:23,085
♪ Whether on ball courts
Attires of all sorts ♪
526
00:19:23,168 --> 00:19:24,543
♪ We never fall short ♪
527
00:19:24,626 --> 00:19:27,168
♪ With us, it's all force
like Air-1s ♪
528
00:19:27,251 --> 00:19:28,960
♪ Some waves, some air guns ♪
529
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:31,126
♪ The days of the fair one
Is over for ♪
530
00:19:31,210 --> 00:19:32,876
♪ Cats is colder
Than four below ♪
531
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,210
♪ Myself, I go toe-to-toe ♪
532
00:19:34,293 --> 00:19:36,876
♪ Wondering if it's for
The art or for the dough ♪
533
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,710
♪ Though I know to grow a nigga
Got to learn to let go ♪
534
00:19:39,793 --> 00:19:40,918
♪ Though I know the dough ♪
535
00:19:41,001 --> 00:19:42,126
♪ I got to bring back
To the Ghetto ♪
536
00:19:42,210 --> 00:19:45,168
♪ Arrows on tarot cards
Pointing to the grind ♪
537
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:47,251
♪ Poor living in more prisons
Pointing to my mind ♪
538
00:19:47,335 --> 00:19:48,710
♪ Shine the light up ♪
539
00:19:48,793 --> 00:19:50,418
♪ Clench my fist tight
Holding the right up ♪
540
00:19:50,501 --> 00:19:53,085
♪ Freedom fighting dark year
For the years to get brighter ♪
541
00:19:53,168 --> 00:19:56,168
♪ Situations
Their jaws get tighter ♪
542
00:19:56,251 --> 00:19:58,126
♪ My man tried to get his weight
And height up, come on ♪
543
00:19:58,210 --> 00:19:59,668
♪ I walked in the crib ♪
544
00:19:59,751 --> 00:20:01,793
♪ Got two kids
And my baby mama late ♪
545
00:20:01,876 --> 00:20:03,793
♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh ♪
546
00:20:03,876 --> 00:20:06,085
♪ So I had to did
What I had to did ♪
547
00:20:06,168 --> 00:20:07,418
♪ 'Cause I had the kid ♪
548
00:20:07,501 --> 00:20:09,043
♪ Duh-ough, duh-ough, duh-ough ♪
549
00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:11,710
♪ I'm up all night
Getting my money right ♪
550
00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:12,668
♪ Until the blue and whites ♪
551
00:20:12,751 --> 00:20:14,126
♪ Po-po, Po-po, Po-po ♪
552
00:20:14,210 --> 00:20:16,918
♪ Now the money coming slow
But at least a nigga know ♪
553
00:20:17,001 --> 00:20:18,126
♪ Slow motion better than ♪
554
00:20:18,210 --> 00:20:20,043
♪ No-oh, no-oh, no-oh ♪
555
00:20:20,126 --> 00:20:24,085
♪ Hey yo, I,
I know I could make it right ♪
556
00:20:24,168 --> 00:20:27,251
♪ If I could just
Swallow my pride ♪
557
00:20:27,085 --> 00:20:28,585
♪ But I can't run away ♪
558
00:20:28,668 --> 00:20:31,376
♪ Or put my gun away
You can't front on me ♪
559
00:20:31,460 --> 00:20:35,418
♪ I, no,
I can't let it ride ♪
560
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:37,876
♪ No, no, not tonight ♪
561
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:41,168
♪ No, I can't run away
Or put my gun away ♪
562
00:20:41,251 --> 00:20:42,876
♪ You can't front on me ♪
563
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,460
[audience applause]
564
00:20:45,126 --> 00:20:46,501
Common and Kanye.
565
00:20:48,210 --> 00:20:49,960
Like to thank you guys
for watching.
566
00:20:50,043 --> 00:20:51,251
I'll see you next week.
567
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:53,085
I'm out.
568
00:20:53,168 --> 00:20:56,251
[audience applause]
569
00:20:57,585 --> 00:20:58,960
I'm rich, biatch.
570
00:20:59,043 --> 00:21:00,001
[horn honking]
571
00:21:00,085 --> 00:21:01,085
Hi.
Thank you.
572
00:21:02,043 --> 00:21:04,001
Get your motherfucking hands
off me, man.
573
00:21:04,085 --> 00:21:05,293
You trying to get choked?
574
00:21:05,376 --> 00:21:07,668
I seen people shit on the street
'cause they ain't got no toilet.
575
00:21:08,626 --> 00:21:09,460
This isn't the Vernon I know.
576
00:21:09,543 --> 00:21:10,710
[laughs]
577
00:21:12,085 --> 00:21:13,001
What'd you say?
578
00:21:13,085 --> 00:21:14,210
You think this is a game?
579
00:21:14,043 --> 00:21:15,460
You think
this is a fucking game?
580
00:21:15,543 --> 00:21:16,918
[barking]
581
00:21:17,585 --> 00:21:19,293
[laughing]
582
00:21:19,376 --> 00:21:20,876
[barking]
583
00:21:21,418 --> 00:21:22,335
Roc-a-fella!
584
00:21:24,835 --> 00:21:26,043
[barking]
585
00:21:27,085 --> 00:21:28,376
Now tell me, brother.
586
00:21:28,460 --> 00:21:30,251
♪ Where you gonna go? ♪
587
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:35,126
♪