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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Oww ♪
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♪ Woo-hoo hoo ♪
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♪ Woo-hoo ♪
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♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
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♪
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Let's start the show.
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[playing harmonica]
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[man] You've just met
that special someone,
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and you're letting
your desire for each other
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take you to incredible heights.
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But these days,
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you can never be too sure
they aren't going to dispute
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whether the sex was consensual.
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Mm, mm-- wait a minute.
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Wait a minute.
Before we go any further...
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[man] Which is why this night
calls for the love contract.
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-What's this?
-Nothing.
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It's just a document saying that
you're a willing participant
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in this sexual experience, baby.
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Well, I am.
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Just sign here and here...
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And initial there for oral.
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-Oral?
-I'ma do you too.
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Okay.
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And just initial there
if you decline anal.
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Unless, of course, you--
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No, no, no,
it's not going down.
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Pretty much standard.
Okay.
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I don't know about you,
but I'm still horny.
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Let's do this, girl.
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Oh...
Oh, make me feel good!
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[man] The love contract.
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Because you'd hate
to catch a beef
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for something
you know you didn't do.
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And now...
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Yow!
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[grunting]
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Ah...
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Oh...
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[sighs]
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Well, that didn't take
too long.
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I know.
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Just do me a favor, okay?
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Don't tell anybody about this.
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[man] From the makers
of the love contract
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comes the confidentiality
agreement.
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Don't worry.
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I'm not gonna tell anybody.
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I know you won't,
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or I'll sue your ass.
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Kobe!
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[man] Available at all Walbog's.
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[man] Ladies and gentlemen,
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Dave Chappelle!
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Oh, boy!
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Hey, everybody.
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Hey, man.
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Welcome to Chappelle's Show.
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How about that love contract?
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That might be a Hollywood joke,
you know.
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Hollywood's a crazy place.
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I don't know if you guys know
people that work in Hollywood
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or talk to people--
There's a guy
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that does sketches
on our show, Charlie Murphy.
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He was, like, Tyree
in The Mad Real World.
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That's Eddie Murphy's
older brother.
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A lot of people
don't know that,
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but he used to just tell us
stories at lunchtime
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about being in Hollywood
that were so crazy.
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And he told us one story
that was so good
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we had to have him come here
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and tell it
for you guys tonight.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
make some noise--
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Charlie Murphy's
true Hollywood stories.
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[cheers and applause]
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I get out the navy,
my brother's famous.
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His fame is exploding.
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I'm real proud of that,
you know what I mean?
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I'm getting to hang out
with people
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that I only read about
in magazines
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and seen, you know,
on the screen somewhere.
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I'm, like, standing
next to them
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and being
at dinner tables with them
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and, you know,
it was a bug-out, man.
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You know,
I was a huge Rick James fan.
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That's the first person
that I would say
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out of all
the celebrities that I met
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that I was star-struck.
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We gonna hang out
with Rick James tonight,
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you know what I'm saying?
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And here he comes out the room,
when I look at him--
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and I'm not
bullshitting you, man,
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I seen, like,
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like an orange--
his aura or whatever,
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I seen it.
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It was orange.
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♪ Give it to me, baby ♪
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♪ Give it to me, baby ♪
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He started kicking it.
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And he was
mad niggerish, man,
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which was, you know,
right up my alley.
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I'm one of the baddest
motherfuckers of all time.
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I'm one of the best singers
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and one of the best-lookin'
motherfuckers you've ever seen.
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Hold my drink, bitch.
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He'd walk up to any chick
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and lick the whole side
of their face, man.
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I'm Rick James, bitch.
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Enjoy yourself.
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[chuckling]
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We got closer,
started hanging out.
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My brother didn't do
any of this shit.
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So at night,
when Eddie would break out,
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we would all be getting
crazy and wild.
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And if I was hanging with Rick,
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he had this thing with me
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where he used to always,
like, fuck with me, man.
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I don't know what started it.
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Charlie, he was hanging out
with the big dogs, you know?
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Charlie, he didn't know
he was doing crazy things
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and I had to straighten him out.
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Sometimes I had to go
upside his head.
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Things escalated
to the point where, you know,
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my man got too familiar
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and I ended up having
to whip his ass, man,
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you know, because,
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you know, he would
step across the line.
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Habitually.
He's a habitual line-stepper.
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The first time, you know,
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I had to end up
whipping his ass, uh...
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We went to Studio 54.
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We walkin' up
into the VIP section and, um,
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I'm looking around
to see who's there
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and lookin' at the girls
and everything.
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And all of a sudden
I heard someone go...
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Charlie Murphy!
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That was...
♪ Cold-blooded ♪
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[laughs]
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He had this ring on
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to commemorate this song
he had put out called Unity.
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And this was imprinted
in that black head of his
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for at least a week.
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♪ Unity ♪
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Eddie and everybody else
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thought that that was
the funniest shit.
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And so that threw me in
a weird space,
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'cause I'm like,
yeah, this is Rick James.
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He's a star.
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I'm Rick James, bitch.
[laughs]
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This is a celebration, bitch.
[laughs]
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Maybe I'm overreacting.
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I actually went there, like,
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"Maybe I shouldn't do nothing."
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But my ghetto side was goin',
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"Yo, stomp this motherfucker
out right here.
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What the fuck
is wrong with him?"
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I drunk some wine
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and I'm just getting started,
bitches.
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[laughing]
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He totally
just wrote me off.
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Like, I'm that nigga
to steal on,
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you know what I'm sayin'?
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What, he's gonna slap me back?
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I'm Rick James.
He's Charlie Murphy.
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-I waited, 'cause I knew
what hotel he was stayin' in.
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Eddie and them went home
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and I said,
"Yo, I'll be right back."
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I shot over to the hotel,
went up to his room,
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knocked on the door.
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-So then he comes in there.
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And I said,
"Look, bitch, I'm Rick James."
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Smacked him.
[chuckling]
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Oh, Charlie Murphy!
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-He had his head cocked
to throw another right hand.
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When he was coming for it,
I just came--blaow!
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I caught him
with the front.
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He'll tell it
like he gave me
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some kind of Bruce Lee crosskick
or somethin'.
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I kicked the shit
out of him, man.
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[screams]
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[screams in slow motion]
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The wind is knocked out of him.
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And then he screams out...
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Security!
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-The one in the front,
he had crooked eyes and shit.
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His one eye was lookin' at me.
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The other one
was looking at Rick.
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Rick had edged over
by the window.
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Now, darkness,
the tables are turned.
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Do with him whatever you like.
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You motherfuckers
take one more step,
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I'm kickin' this nigga out
the motherfuckin' window.
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Bobby, freeze!
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You know you was wrong
for what you did to me earlier.
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Look what you did
to my face.
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I'm sorry, Charlie Murphy.
It was an accident.
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I was having too much fun.
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I'll offer you a truce.
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The stickiest of the icky.
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00:07:50,210 --> 00:07:52,126
You want to smoke
with the old boy, Rick James?
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00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:55,210
Yo, man, my forehead
is bumpin', man.
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Now that you mention it,
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I think I'm bleeding
inside my chest.
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But I got the medicine.
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00:08:02,418 --> 00:08:04,001
Bitch, come over here
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00:08:04,085 --> 00:08:05,251
and have sex
with Charlie Murphy.
210
00:08:05,335 --> 00:08:07,168
I'm Rick James, bitch.
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00:08:08,126 --> 00:08:10,960
That was how
that particular incident ended,
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00:08:11,043 --> 00:08:13,251
but it wasn't the last time
I had to whip his ass...
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00:08:13,335 --> 00:08:15,168
Whip his ass...
Whip his ass.
214
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Don't you think
Charlie's a little old
215
00:08:16,918 --> 00:08:18,460
to be taking Karate?
216
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He probably takin' it
with the little kids.
217
00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,751
Yeah, Charlie whipped my ass
in his dreams.
218
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:23,960
I told you, Charlie had
219
00:08:24,043 --> 00:08:25,335
delusions of grandeur
in his head.
220
00:08:25,418 --> 00:08:26,876
I'm telling you
what was happening.
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I'm Rick James, bitch.
222
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You guys at home,
stay comfortable,
223
00:08:32,043 --> 00:08:34,460
because the whole episode's
gonna be just like this.
224
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We'll be right back
with more Chappelle's Show...
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[cheers and applause]
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♪ I'm going to
The Dave Chappelle show ♪
227
00:08:42,668 --> 00:08:44,043
How's this?
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00:08:44,126 --> 00:08:47,501
[cheers and applause]
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00:08:47,585 --> 00:08:50,251
We're back with more
Chappelle's Show...
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You know, folks,
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I don't know if you guys
are just joining us,
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but if you missed
the first act,
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00:08:58,376 --> 00:09:02,460
Charlie and Rick James are
in the midst of a conflict.
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00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,085
Let's see how the ongoing
235
00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:07,668
Charlie and Rick James
feud develops.
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00:09:07,751 --> 00:09:10,793
The Studio 54 thing,
you know, that blew over,
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you know what I'm saying?
238
00:09:12,710 --> 00:09:14,876
But then, you know,
here we go again.
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Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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[chuckles]
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Rick is encouraging me.
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You know, he shows up at
my brother's house fucked up.
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Nice place, nigga.
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00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:31,543
So he had
these dirty cowboy boots on.
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Pushing us out of the way,
barged in the house.
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My brother had
these brand-new couches.
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They were suede, right?
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And he gets on the couch
and says...
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Why don't I stretch out?
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00:09:40,251 --> 00:09:41,918
[laughs]
251
00:09:42,001 --> 00:09:44,960
-And just started grinding mud
all into the couch, man.
252
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Yeah, I remember
grinding my feet
253
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into Eddie's couch.
254
00:09:49,126 --> 00:09:50,626
-You remember why you did it?
255
00:09:50,710 --> 00:09:52,085
Because Eddie
could buy another one.
256
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Fuck your couch, nigga.
257
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Buy another one,
you rich motherfucker.
258
00:09:56,543 --> 00:09:58,043
Fuck yo' couch, nigga!
259
00:09:58,126 --> 00:09:59,918
Fuck yo' couch!
260
00:10:00,001 --> 00:10:01,918
Darkness's,
darknesse's...
261
00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:04,251
'Cause of my complexion
he used to call me darkness.
262
00:10:04,085 --> 00:10:05,710
He calls me
and my brother darkness.
263
00:10:05,793 --> 00:10:07,418
He always says,
"Darkness brothers."
264
00:10:07,501 --> 00:10:09,626
See, this is long before
Wesley Snipes.
265
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:12,626
Back then, we was the blackest
niggas on the planet
266
00:10:12,710 --> 00:10:14,168
according to Rick James.
267
00:10:14,251 --> 00:10:16,585
Eddie--both of them
were brother darkness.
268
00:10:16,668 --> 00:10:18,293
Twin brother darkness.
269
00:10:18,376 --> 00:10:20,168
-And we standing there,
looking at him,
270
00:10:20,251 --> 00:10:22,168
and he's looking
right in our eyes
271
00:10:22,251 --> 00:10:23,835
as he grinds his mud.
272
00:10:24,168 --> 00:10:26,085
See, I never just did things
just to do them.
273
00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:27,460
Come on, I mean,
what am I gonna do?
274
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:28,960
Just, all of a sudden,
275
00:10:29,043 --> 00:10:31,376
just jump up and grind my feet
on somebody's couch
276
00:10:31,460 --> 00:10:33,043
like it's, you know,
something to do?
277
00:10:33,126 --> 00:10:35,168
Come on, I got a little
more sense than that.
278
00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:38,793
Yeah, I remember grinding
my feet on Eddie's couch.
279
00:10:38,876 --> 00:10:41,710
[tape rewinding]
280
00:10:41,793 --> 00:10:44,001
see, I never just did things
just to do them.
281
00:10:44,085 --> 00:10:45,168
Come on, I mean,
what am I gonna do?
282
00:10:45,251 --> 00:10:46,668
Just, all of a sudden,
283
00:10:46,751 --> 00:10:48,585
just jump up and grind my feet
on somebody's couch
284
00:10:48,668 --> 00:10:50,543
like it's something to do?
285
00:10:50,626 --> 00:10:52,710
Come on, I got a little
more sense than that.
286
00:10:52,793 --> 00:10:56,168
Yeah, I remember grinding
my feet on Eddie's couch.
287
00:10:56,251 --> 00:10:58,085
But then it was like,
288
00:10:58,168 --> 00:10:59,668
"You know what?
Let's handle this."
289
00:10:59,751 --> 00:11:00,710
We went over there...
290
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:02,918
Hey, Charlie Murphy!
291
00:11:03,001 --> 00:11:04,835
-And we held him down,
292
00:11:04,918 --> 00:11:07,376
and we just wailed on his legs.
293
00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:09,251
Aah!
294
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,210
Aah, you darkness...
295
00:11:10,293 --> 00:11:13,418
You black, midnight
evil motherfucker!
296
00:11:13,501 --> 00:11:15,751
Black magic, darkness!
297
00:11:15,835 --> 00:11:17,793
You're all darkness!
298
00:11:17,876 --> 00:11:21,960
You're fuckin'...
Delirious motherfucker...
299
00:11:22,043 --> 00:11:23,085
Aah!
300
00:11:23,168 --> 00:11:24,585
You are cold as ice.
301
00:11:25,793 --> 00:11:27,418
-But still, Rick James,
302
00:11:27,501 --> 00:11:29,626
even after taking
a beating like that...
303
00:11:29,710 --> 00:11:31,501
Fuck yo' couch, nigga.
304
00:11:31,585 --> 00:11:33,210
This motherfucker's goin' out.
305
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,835
His legs is like,
like, linguine.
306
00:11:35,918 --> 00:11:39,543
I've been kicked out
of better homes than this!
307
00:11:39,626 --> 00:11:41,835
I'll be back,
you black motherfuckers!
308
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:46,251
Wide-nose-havin' motherfuckers!
309
00:11:46,085 --> 00:11:49,210
They should've never
gave you niggas money!
310
00:11:49,043 --> 00:11:50,876
You don't know how
to appreciate shit!
311
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,793
You know you can
get another couch!
312
00:11:52,876 --> 00:11:56,543
What am I gonna do
about my legs, Eddie Murphy!
313
00:11:56,626 --> 00:11:58,168
My brother, you know,
314
00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:02,001
he's a lot more compassionate
than I am.
315
00:12:02,085 --> 00:12:04,210
He's looking and the Limo's
drivin' off, and he said,
316
00:12:04,043 --> 00:12:07,835
"Wow, man,
Rick really needs help."
317
00:12:07,918 --> 00:12:10,293
And I was like,
"Yo, we just gave him some help.
318
00:12:10,376 --> 00:12:12,210
Bust his fuckin' ass and shit.
319
00:12:12,043 --> 00:12:13,460
I bet you
he won't come over here
320
00:12:13,543 --> 00:12:15,126
and disrespect
like that again."
321
00:12:15,210 --> 00:12:17,168
Wrong.
Wrong.
322
00:12:17,251 --> 00:12:19,335
We're talkin' about
Rick James, man.
323
00:12:19,418 --> 00:12:22,001
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.
324
00:12:22,085 --> 00:12:24,585
[chuckles]
325
00:12:24,668 --> 00:12:26,501
I'm Rick James, bitch.
326
00:12:28,168 --> 00:12:29,293
Don't go nowhere.
327
00:12:29,376 --> 00:12:30,293
We'll be right back
328
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,793
with more of Charlie Murphy's
true Hollywood stories.
329
00:12:37,335 --> 00:12:39,335
♪ Chappelle's Show. ♪
330
00:12:39,418 --> 00:12:42,126
Better not bring your kids!
331
00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:43,751
[cheers and applause]
332
00:12:43,835 --> 00:12:45,210
Alright.
333
00:12:47,085 --> 00:12:49,376
And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
334
00:12:49,460 --> 00:12:52,585
it is time
for the dramatic conclusion
335
00:12:52,668 --> 00:12:55,918
of Charlie Murphy's
true Hollywood stories.
336
00:12:56,001 --> 00:12:58,751
I had to fuck him up at 54.
337
00:12:58,835 --> 00:13:01,126
You know,
for what he did at 54,
338
00:13:01,210 --> 00:13:03,626
I had to go to his hotel room
and kick the shit out of him.
339
00:13:03,710 --> 00:13:06,251
Then he came over
to my brother's house,
340
00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:08,210
and I had to whip his legs
341
00:13:08,043 --> 00:13:10,001
because of what he did
on the couch.
342
00:13:10,085 --> 00:13:11,210
I heard him tell a story
343
00:13:11,293 --> 00:13:13,335
that he came
into the China Club one time
344
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:15,126
and I was behind the bar.
345
00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:16,293
Now, this is true.
346
00:13:16,376 --> 00:13:17,585
-This particular night,
347
00:13:17,668 --> 00:13:19,043
I go over to the China Club,
348
00:13:19,126 --> 00:13:23,251
and, um, I walk in,
and I'll never forget--
349
00:13:23,085 --> 00:13:25,043
the first thing I seen
was OJ Simpson.
350
00:13:25,126 --> 00:13:26,585
I remember thinking to myself,
351
00:13:26,668 --> 00:13:28,043
"Wow, that's OJ Simpson!
352
00:13:28,126 --> 00:13:30,126
He has a big fuckin' head, man."
353
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:33,835
And I walk from there,
I went in the other section,
354
00:13:33,918 --> 00:13:36,418
and there's Rick behind the bar.
355
00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:40,960
Drink up! Be merry!
356
00:13:41,043 --> 00:13:43,335
Welcome to the China Club.
357
00:13:43,418 --> 00:13:46,460
A China chung-chang,
a China chung-chung chang.
358
00:13:46,543 --> 00:13:47,668
[laughs]
359
00:13:47,751 --> 00:13:49,501
Rick's, you know, being Rick.
360
00:13:49,585 --> 00:13:51,085
- Come on, baby,
show me your titties.
361
00:13:51,168 --> 00:13:52,001
I'm Rick James.
Do something!
362
00:13:52,751 --> 00:13:54,293
Mmm...
Mmm...
363
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,960
I wish I had more hands
364
00:13:57,043 --> 00:13:59,668
so I could give those titties
four thumbs down.
365
00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:02,668
[laughing]
366
00:14:02,751 --> 00:14:03,626
I ain't realize
how high he was.
367
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:04,960
Next thing you know,
he's like...
368
00:14:05,043 --> 00:14:07,293
Charlie Murphy!
369
00:14:07,376 --> 00:14:09,043
What's up, partner?
370
00:14:09,126 --> 00:14:10,668
Darkness, everybody, darkness!
371
00:14:10,751 --> 00:14:13,126
Everyone, darkness is spreading!
372
00:14:13,210 --> 00:14:14,376
Come over here, Charlie.
373
00:14:14,460 --> 00:14:16,001
I'm behind the bar
and I'm serving drinks,
374
00:14:16,085 --> 00:14:17,085
and Charlie bends over.
375
00:14:17,168 --> 00:14:18,210
I call out,
"Charlie, come here."
376
00:14:18,293 --> 00:14:20,418
Charlie, there's a new joke
going around.
377
00:14:20,501 --> 00:14:22,501
Have you heard it?
378
00:14:22,585 --> 00:14:25,918
What did the five fingers
say to the face?
379
00:14:26,710 --> 00:14:27,710
What?
380
00:14:27,793 --> 00:14:28,668
Slap!
381
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,043
♪ Cold-blooded ♪
382
00:14:33,126 --> 00:14:35,043
[laughing]
383
00:14:35,126 --> 00:14:37,168
Bang, bang!
384
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:38,793
I'm Rick James, bitch!
385
00:14:38,876 --> 00:14:42,960
Everybody, King Kong
ain't got shit on me!
386
00:14:43,626 --> 00:14:45,043
-I'm standing there.
I'm thinking,
387
00:14:45,126 --> 00:14:47,543
this nigga really has lost
his fuckin' mind.
388
00:14:47,626 --> 00:14:50,251
First of all,
you don't slap a man.
389
00:14:50,335 --> 00:14:53,168
[in slow motion]
Slap!
390
00:14:53,251 --> 00:14:54,293
Okay?
391
00:14:54,376 --> 00:14:57,293
I mean, even when slapping
was fashionable, you know,
392
00:14:57,376 --> 00:14:59,168
they did it in Paris,
the guy would come up,
393
00:14:59,251 --> 00:15:01,418
whap-whap--
"I challenge you to a duel!"
394
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,126
They would have a gun fight
after that.
395
00:15:03,210 --> 00:15:04,418
Somebody had to go!
396
00:15:05,710 --> 00:15:06,751
-I just was bugging out.
397
00:15:06,835 --> 00:15:09,335
Anyway, I waited for
about five minutes,
398
00:15:09,418 --> 00:15:10,835
something like that.
399
00:15:10,918 --> 00:15:11,876
That's right, bitch.
400
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,626
That's right, bitch.
[laughs]
401
00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:16,710
Ahh, darkness!
402
00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:18,001
What's up, man?
403
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,043
Darkness!
404
00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:20,543
Check it out.
Check it out.
405
00:15:20,626 --> 00:15:22,001
I want to tell you somethin'.
Come here.
406
00:15:22,085 --> 00:15:23,335
Oh, what's goin' on?
407
00:15:23,418 --> 00:15:25,043
Ow!
408
00:15:25,126 --> 00:15:27,418
-I slapped
the shit out of him.
409
00:15:27,501 --> 00:15:28,501
Goddamn!
410
00:15:28,585 --> 00:15:30,668
I came down on it
like this.
411
00:15:30,751 --> 00:15:34,210
[in slow motion]
Ow!
412
00:15:34,293 --> 00:15:36,043
Ah!
Goddamn.
413
00:15:36,126 --> 00:15:38,418
His extensions was flyin'
all over the place.
414
00:15:38,501 --> 00:15:39,293
That is absurd!
415
00:15:39,376 --> 00:15:41,126
And he stepped back
416
00:15:41,210 --> 00:15:42,251
and his eyes welled up
with water
417
00:15:42,335 --> 00:15:44,001
like he was getting ready
to cry, and he said...
418
00:15:44,085 --> 00:15:46,918
Why you hit me like that,
Charlie?
419
00:15:47,001 --> 00:15:48,751
'Cause you hit me, man!
420
00:15:48,835 --> 00:15:50,543
That was weeks ago,
motherfucker.
421
00:15:50,626 --> 00:15:52,960
-I was partying!
- No, that was tonight!
422
00:15:53,043 --> 00:15:55,918
-And I see that
he really forgot.
423
00:15:56,001 --> 00:15:58,126
I hit you tonight?
424
00:15:58,210 --> 00:16:00,751
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.
425
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:03,210
[chuckles]
426
00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:05,126
I'm sorry, Charlie Murphy.
427
00:16:08,085 --> 00:16:09,293
Come here, darkness.
428
00:16:10,335 --> 00:16:12,085
Ha!
429
00:16:12,168 --> 00:16:14,126
[laughs]
430
00:16:14,210 --> 00:16:16,168
It's a celebration!
431
00:16:16,251 --> 00:16:19,251
Bitches!
Come here.
432
00:16:19,085 --> 00:16:21,460
It's a celebration, bitches.
433
00:16:21,543 --> 00:16:24,376
Show Charlie Murphy
your titties.
434
00:16:24,460 --> 00:16:26,251
I'm Rick James.
435
00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:29,710
[laughs]
The milk's gone bad, Murphy.
436
00:16:31,460 --> 00:16:33,001
That was the ebb and flow.
437
00:16:33,085 --> 00:16:36,001
It was, you know--
he would go over the top,
438
00:16:36,085 --> 00:16:39,126
and then I would, you know,
check him.
439
00:16:39,210 --> 00:16:42,210
And then we would have fun
after that.
440
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,293
We're still friends,
as a matter of fact.
441
00:16:44,376 --> 00:16:46,251
I love Charlie Murphy.
442
00:16:46,085 --> 00:16:49,043
But we'd have it out, smacking
each other upside the heads,
443
00:16:49,126 --> 00:16:51,251
smacking each other
in the face,
444
00:16:51,085 --> 00:16:53,210
punching each other
in the chest,
445
00:16:53,293 --> 00:16:55,001
kick each other.
446
00:16:55,085 --> 00:16:56,960
[in slow motion]
Fuck yo' couch, nigga!
447
00:16:57,043 --> 00:16:58,668
Fuck yo' couch!
448
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:01,376
Ow!
449
00:17:02,210 --> 00:17:05,085
They should've never
gave you niggas money!
450
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:09,168
Can you imagine
two grown men doing this?
451
00:17:09,251 --> 00:17:11,543
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.
452
00:17:11,626 --> 00:17:14,751
[chuckles]
453
00:17:14,835 --> 00:17:17,168
I must be losing my mind.
454
00:17:17,251 --> 00:17:20,710
Reminiscing about Charlie Murphy
come kicking my ass.
455
00:17:20,793 --> 00:17:23,501
Ain't that a "b"?
456
00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,543
I'm Rick James, bitch.
457
00:17:25,626 --> 00:17:29,251
[cheers and applause]
458
00:17:29,085 --> 00:17:31,251
I would like to thank
Charlie Murphy,
459
00:17:31,335 --> 00:17:33,210
I would like to thank
Rick James,
460
00:17:33,043 --> 00:17:34,376
and I would like
to thank cocaine
461
00:17:34,460 --> 00:17:36,460
for bringing us
such a crazy story.
462
00:17:36,543 --> 00:17:38,251
I'm Dave Chappelle.
463
00:17:38,085 --> 00:17:39,835
You're the best audience
in the world.
464
00:17:39,918 --> 00:17:40,793
I'm out!
465
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:43,751
[cheers and applause]
466
00:17:46,168 --> 00:17:50,085
How does Rick James
pick up girls in the '80s?
467
00:17:50,168 --> 00:17:52,418
How did I pick up girls
in the '80s?
468
00:17:52,501 --> 00:17:54,460
I didn't have to say much.
469
00:17:54,543 --> 00:17:56,751
Charlie had to go
through this whole thing.
470
00:17:56,835 --> 00:18:00,960
"Uh, can I buy you a drink?
Uh...uh...
471
00:18:01,668 --> 00:18:03,376
"What sign are you?
472
00:18:03,460 --> 00:18:06,126
This is my friend Rick James.
We goin' to Rick James' house."
473
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:08,085
That's how Charlie picked up
girls after the drinking.
474
00:18:08,168 --> 00:18:09,960
"We goin' over to Rick's house
after the club.
475
00:18:10,043 --> 00:18:11,168
You want to come?"
476
00:18:11,251 --> 00:18:12,835
♪ Now, tell me, brother ♪
477
00:18:12,918 --> 00:18:14,085
[laughs]
478
00:18:14,168 --> 00:18:16,043
Charlie used my name
to pick up girls.