1 00:00:11,876 --> 00:00:14,168 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 2 00:00:14,251 --> 00:00:15,501 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 3 00:00:15,585 --> 00:00:16,876 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,626 ♪ Oww ♪ 5 00:00:19,376 --> 00:00:21,168 ♪ Woo-hoo hoo ♪ 6 00:00:21,251 --> 00:00:22,626 ♪ Woo-hoo ♪ 7 00:00:22,710 --> 00:00:23,918 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 8 00:00:24,001 --> 00:00:26,210 ♪ 9 00:00:26,293 --> 00:00:28,043 Let's start the show. 10 00:00:28,126 --> 00:00:31,210 [playing harmonica] 11 00:00:34,126 --> 00:00:36,501 [man] You've just met that special someone, 12 00:00:36,585 --> 00:00:38,335 and you're letting your desire for each other 13 00:00:38,418 --> 00:00:40,001 take you to incredible heights. 14 00:00:40,085 --> 00:00:41,376 But these days, 15 00:00:41,460 --> 00:00:43,668 you can never be too sure they aren't going to dispute 16 00:00:43,751 --> 00:00:45,751 whether the sex was consensual. 17 00:00:45,835 --> 00:00:47,543 Mm, mm-- wait a minute. 18 00:00:47,626 --> 00:00:49,293 Wait a minute. Before we go any further... 19 00:00:49,376 --> 00:00:52,418 [man] Which is why this night calls for the love contract. 20 00:00:52,501 --> 00:00:54,335 -What's this? -Nothing. 21 00:00:54,418 --> 00:00:56,876 It's just a document saying that you're a willing participant 22 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,210 in this sexual experience, baby. 23 00:01:00,043 --> 00:01:01,501 Well, I am. 24 00:01:01,585 --> 00:01:03,210 Just sign here and here... 25 00:01:05,126 --> 00:01:08,876 And initial there for oral. 26 00:01:10,210 --> 00:01:12,085 -Oral? -I'ma do you too. 27 00:01:12,168 --> 00:01:13,626 Okay. 28 00:01:13,710 --> 00:01:16,085 And just initial there if you decline anal. 29 00:01:20,043 --> 00:01:21,251 Unless, of course, you-- 30 00:01:21,335 --> 00:01:23,126 No, no, no, it's not going down. 31 00:01:23,210 --> 00:01:25,251 Pretty much standard. Okay. 32 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:29,210 I don't know about you, but I'm still horny. 33 00:01:29,043 --> 00:01:30,251 Let's do this, girl. 34 00:01:30,085 --> 00:01:33,126 Oh... Oh, make me feel good! 35 00:01:33,210 --> 00:01:34,585 [man] The love contract. 36 00:01:34,668 --> 00:01:36,085 Because you'd hate to catch a beef 37 00:01:36,168 --> 00:01:37,543 for something you know you didn't do. 38 00:01:37,626 --> 00:01:38,460 And now... 39 00:01:38,543 --> 00:01:39,876 Yow! 40 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,418 [grunting] 41 00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:44,668 Ah... 42 00:01:44,751 --> 00:01:45,960 Oh... 43 00:01:46,043 --> 00:01:48,001 [sighs] 44 00:01:48,085 --> 00:01:49,751 Well, that didn't take too long. 45 00:01:50,876 --> 00:01:52,168 I know. 46 00:01:52,251 --> 00:01:54,710 Just do me a favor, okay? 47 00:01:54,793 --> 00:01:56,918 Don't tell anybody about this. 48 00:01:57,001 --> 00:01:58,668 [man] From the makers of the love contract 49 00:01:58,751 --> 00:02:01,126 comes the confidentiality agreement. 50 00:02:02,210 --> 00:02:03,210 Don't worry. 51 00:02:03,293 --> 00:02:05,085 I'm not gonna tell anybody. 52 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:06,876 I know you won't, 53 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,210 or I'll sue your ass. 54 00:02:10,543 --> 00:02:11,585 Kobe! 55 00:02:14,460 --> 00:02:16,418 [man] Available at all Walbog's. 56 00:02:17,460 --> 00:02:19,293 [man] Ladies and gentlemen, 57 00:02:19,376 --> 00:02:22,251 Dave Chappelle! 58 00:02:22,085 --> 00:02:24,751 Oh, boy! 59 00:02:24,835 --> 00:02:26,626 Hey, everybody. 60 00:02:26,710 --> 00:02:27,668 Hey, man. 61 00:02:28,668 --> 00:02:30,251 Welcome to Chappelle's Show. 62 00:02:35,168 --> 00:02:36,876 How about that love contract? 63 00:02:38,085 --> 00:02:40,751 That might be a Hollywood joke, you know. 64 00:02:40,835 --> 00:02:42,251 Hollywood's a crazy place. 65 00:02:42,335 --> 00:02:44,585 I don't know if you guys know people that work in Hollywood 66 00:02:44,668 --> 00:02:46,710 or talk to people-- There's a guy 67 00:02:46,793 --> 00:02:49,085 that does sketches on our show, Charlie Murphy. 68 00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:51,668 He was, like, Tyree in The Mad Real World. 69 00:02:53,668 --> 00:02:54,710 That's Eddie Murphy's older brother. 70 00:02:54,793 --> 00:02:56,085 A lot of people don't know that, 71 00:02:56,168 --> 00:02:59,460 but he used to just tell us stories at lunchtime 72 00:02:59,543 --> 00:03:02,793 about being in Hollywood that were so crazy. 73 00:03:02,876 --> 00:03:06,210 And he told us one story that was so good 74 00:03:06,293 --> 00:03:08,376 we had to have him come here 75 00:03:08,460 --> 00:03:10,960 and tell it for you guys tonight. 76 00:03:11,043 --> 00:03:13,210 Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise-- 77 00:03:13,043 --> 00:03:15,335 Charlie Murphy's true Hollywood stories. 78 00:03:15,418 --> 00:03:18,251 [cheers and applause] 79 00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:23,126 I get out the navy, my brother's famous. 80 00:03:23,210 --> 00:03:25,085 His fame is exploding. 81 00:03:25,168 --> 00:03:28,376 I'm real proud of that, you know what I mean? 82 00:03:28,460 --> 00:03:29,960 I'm getting to hang out with people 83 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,085 that I only read about in magazines 84 00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:34,460 and seen, you know, on the screen somewhere. 85 00:03:34,543 --> 00:03:36,085 I'm, like, standing next to them 86 00:03:36,168 --> 00:03:37,918 and being at dinner tables with them 87 00:03:38,001 --> 00:03:39,418 and, you know, it was a bug-out, man. 88 00:03:39,501 --> 00:03:42,126 You know, I was a huge Rick James fan. 89 00:03:42,210 --> 00:03:43,585 That's the first person that I would say 90 00:03:43,668 --> 00:03:46,168 out of all the celebrities that I met 91 00:03:46,251 --> 00:03:48,210 that I was star-struck. 92 00:03:48,293 --> 00:03:49,918 We gonna hang out with Rick James tonight, 93 00:03:50,001 --> 00:03:51,251 you know what I'm saying? 94 00:03:51,085 --> 00:03:53,210 And here he comes out the room, when I look at him-- 95 00:03:53,043 --> 00:03:54,501 and I'm not bullshitting you, man, 96 00:03:54,585 --> 00:03:55,585 I seen, like, 97 00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:58,251 like an orange-- his aura or whatever, 98 00:03:58,335 --> 00:03:59,960 I seen it. 99 00:04:00,043 --> 00:04:00,793 It was orange. 100 00:04:00,876 --> 00:04:02,043 ♪ Give it to me, baby ♪ 101 00:04:02,126 --> 00:04:05,210 ♪ Give it to me, baby ♪ 102 00:04:05,043 --> 00:04:07,168 He started kicking it. 103 00:04:07,251 --> 00:04:08,043 And he was mad niggerish, man, 104 00:04:08,126 --> 00:04:09,585 which was, you know, right up my alley. 105 00:04:09,668 --> 00:04:11,876 I'm one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time. 106 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,126 I'm one of the best singers 107 00:04:13,210 --> 00:04:14,751 and one of the best-lookin' motherfuckers you've ever seen. 108 00:04:14,835 --> 00:04:16,251 Hold my drink, bitch. 109 00:04:16,085 --> 00:04:17,918 He'd walk up to any chick 110 00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:19,793 and lick the whole side of their face, man. 111 00:04:22,335 --> 00:04:24,085 I'm Rick James, bitch. 112 00:04:25,210 --> 00:04:26,626 Enjoy yourself. 113 00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:28,126 [chuckling] 114 00:04:28,210 --> 00:04:30,085 We got closer, started hanging out. 115 00:04:30,168 --> 00:04:33,335 My brother didn't do any of this shit. 116 00:04:33,418 --> 00:04:35,751 So at night, when Eddie would break out, 117 00:04:35,835 --> 00:04:38,460 we would all be getting crazy and wild. 118 00:04:38,543 --> 00:04:40,376 And if I was hanging with Rick, 119 00:04:40,460 --> 00:04:41,710 he had this thing with me 120 00:04:41,793 --> 00:04:44,168 where he used to always, like, fuck with me, man. 121 00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:46,501 I don't know what started it. 122 00:04:46,585 --> 00:04:48,585 Charlie, he was hanging out with the big dogs, you know? 123 00:04:48,668 --> 00:04:50,835 Charlie, he didn't know he was doing crazy things 124 00:04:50,918 --> 00:04:52,085 and I had to straighten him out. 125 00:04:52,168 --> 00:04:53,918 Sometimes I had to go upside his head. 126 00:04:54,001 --> 00:04:57,668 Things escalated to the point where, you know, 127 00:04:57,751 --> 00:04:59,585 my man got too familiar 128 00:04:59,668 --> 00:05:01,251 and I ended up having to whip his ass, man, 129 00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:02,543 you know, because, 130 00:05:02,626 --> 00:05:04,418 you know, he would step across the line. 131 00:05:05,251 --> 00:05:08,668 Habitually. He's a habitual line-stepper. 132 00:05:08,751 --> 00:05:10,001 The first time, you know, 133 00:05:10,085 --> 00:05:13,501 I had to end up whipping his ass, uh... 134 00:05:13,585 --> 00:05:15,835 We went to Studio 54. 135 00:05:15,918 --> 00:05:19,210 We walkin' up into the VIP section and, um, 136 00:05:19,043 --> 00:05:21,085 I'm looking around to see who's there 137 00:05:21,168 --> 00:05:22,376 and lookin' at the girls and everything. 138 00:05:22,460 --> 00:05:24,043 And all of a sudden I heard someone go... 139 00:05:24,126 --> 00:05:25,418 Charlie Murphy! 140 00:05:28,168 --> 00:05:31,251 That was... ♪ Cold-blooded ♪ 141 00:05:31,085 --> 00:05:34,668 [laughs] 142 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,126 He had this ring on 143 00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:39,001 to commemorate this song he had put out called Unity. 144 00:05:39,085 --> 00:05:43,210 And this was imprinted in that black head of his 145 00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,210 for at least a week. 146 00:05:45,043 --> 00:05:47,460 ♪ Unity ♪ 147 00:05:48,543 --> 00:05:49,793 Eddie and everybody else 148 00:05:49,876 --> 00:05:51,460 thought that that was the funniest shit. 149 00:05:51,543 --> 00:05:53,668 And so that threw me in a weird space, 150 00:05:53,751 --> 00:05:55,918 'cause I'm like, yeah, this is Rick James. 151 00:05:56,001 --> 00:05:57,126 He's a star. 152 00:05:57,210 --> 00:06:00,293 I'm Rick James, bitch. [laughs] 153 00:06:00,376 --> 00:06:03,126 This is a celebration, bitch. [laughs] 154 00:06:03,210 --> 00:06:04,918 Maybe I'm overreacting. 155 00:06:05,001 --> 00:06:06,168 I actually went there, like, 156 00:06:06,251 --> 00:06:07,501 "Maybe I shouldn't do nothing." 157 00:06:07,585 --> 00:06:09,293 But my ghetto side was goin', 158 00:06:09,376 --> 00:06:12,168 "Yo, stomp this motherfucker out right here. 159 00:06:12,251 --> 00:06:13,543 What the fuck is wrong with him?" 160 00:06:13,626 --> 00:06:15,043 I drunk some wine 161 00:06:15,126 --> 00:06:16,251 and I'm just getting started, bitches. 162 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,376 [laughing] 163 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,085 He totally just wrote me off. 164 00:06:19,168 --> 00:06:20,460 Like, I'm that nigga to steal on, 165 00:06:20,543 --> 00:06:21,460 you know what I'm sayin'? 166 00:06:21,543 --> 00:06:23,043 What, he's gonna slap me back? 167 00:06:23,126 --> 00:06:24,710 I'm Rick James. He's Charlie Murphy. 168 00:06:25,543 --> 00:06:29,001 -I waited, 'cause I knew what hotel he was stayin' in. 169 00:06:29,085 --> 00:06:30,085 Eddie and them went home 170 00:06:30,168 --> 00:06:31,543 and I said, "Yo, I'll be right back." 171 00:06:31,626 --> 00:06:34,085 I shot over to the hotel, went up to his room, 172 00:06:34,168 --> 00:06:34,960 knocked on the door. 173 00:06:35,293 --> 00:06:37,460 -So then he comes in there. 174 00:06:37,543 --> 00:06:40,043 And I said, "Look, bitch, I'm Rick James." 175 00:06:40,126 --> 00:06:44,085 Smacked him. [chuckling] 176 00:06:44,168 --> 00:06:48,126 Oh, Charlie Murphy! 177 00:06:48,210 --> 00:06:50,668 -He had his head cocked to throw another right hand. 178 00:06:50,751 --> 00:06:53,418 When he was coming for it, I just came--blaow! 179 00:06:53,501 --> 00:06:55,126 I caught him with the front. 180 00:06:55,210 --> 00:06:56,168 He'll tell it like he gave me 181 00:06:56,251 --> 00:06:59,001 some kind of Bruce Lee crosskick or somethin'. 182 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:01,043 I kicked the shit out of him, man. 183 00:07:01,126 --> 00:07:02,168 [screams] 184 00:07:04,418 --> 00:07:06,668 [screams in slow motion] 185 00:07:09,043 --> 00:07:11,001 The wind is knocked out of him. 186 00:07:11,085 --> 00:07:13,710 And then he screams out... 187 00:07:13,793 --> 00:07:15,668 Security! 188 00:07:15,751 --> 00:07:18,085 -The one in the front, he had crooked eyes and shit. 189 00:07:18,168 --> 00:07:19,668 His one eye was lookin' at me. 190 00:07:19,751 --> 00:07:21,626 The other one was looking at Rick. 191 00:07:21,710 --> 00:07:24,418 Rick had edged over by the window. 192 00:07:25,168 --> 00:07:27,835 Now, darkness, the tables are turned. 193 00:07:27,918 --> 00:07:29,293 Do with him whatever you like. 194 00:07:29,376 --> 00:07:31,418 You motherfuckers take one more step, 195 00:07:31,501 --> 00:07:34,085 I'm kickin' this nigga out the motherfuckin' window. 196 00:07:34,168 --> 00:07:35,251 Bobby, freeze! 197 00:07:35,335 --> 00:07:37,668 You know you was wrong for what you did to me earlier. 198 00:07:37,751 --> 00:07:39,585 Look what you did to my face. 199 00:07:42,251 --> 00:07:43,835 I'm sorry, Charlie Murphy. It was an accident. 200 00:07:43,918 --> 00:07:45,418 I was having too much fun. 201 00:07:46,210 --> 00:07:47,793 I'll offer you a truce. 202 00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:50,126 The stickiest of the icky. 203 00:07:50,210 --> 00:07:52,126 You want to smoke with the old boy, Rick James? 204 00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:55,210 Yo, man, my forehead is bumpin', man. 205 00:07:55,293 --> 00:07:56,876 Now that you mention it, 206 00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:00,043 I think I'm bleeding inside my chest. 207 00:08:00,126 --> 00:08:01,668 But I got the medicine. 208 00:08:02,418 --> 00:08:04,001 Bitch, come over here 209 00:08:04,085 --> 00:08:05,251 and have sex with Charlie Murphy. 210 00:08:05,335 --> 00:08:07,168 I'm Rick James, bitch. 211 00:08:08,126 --> 00:08:10,960 That was how that particular incident ended, 212 00:08:11,043 --> 00:08:13,251 but it wasn't the last time I had to whip his ass... 213 00:08:13,335 --> 00:08:15,168 Whip his ass... Whip his ass. 214 00:08:15,251 --> 00:08:16,835 Don't you think Charlie's a little old 215 00:08:16,918 --> 00:08:18,460 to be taking Karate? 216 00:08:18,543 --> 00:08:20,793 He probably takin' it with the little kids. 217 00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,751 Yeah, Charlie whipped my ass in his dreams. 218 00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:23,960 I told you, Charlie had 219 00:08:24,043 --> 00:08:25,335 delusions of grandeur in his head. 220 00:08:25,418 --> 00:08:26,876 I'm telling you what was happening. 221 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:28,793 I'm Rick James, bitch. 222 00:08:30,251 --> 00:08:32,210 You guys at home, stay comfortable, 223 00:08:32,043 --> 00:08:34,460 because the whole episode's gonna be just like this. 224 00:08:34,543 --> 00:08:37,126 We'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show... 225 00:08:37,210 --> 00:08:39,043 [cheers and applause] 226 00:08:40,293 --> 00:08:42,585 ♪ I'm going to The Dave Chappelle show ♪ 227 00:08:42,668 --> 00:08:44,043 How's this? 228 00:08:44,126 --> 00:08:47,501 [cheers and applause] 229 00:08:47,585 --> 00:08:50,251 We're back with more Chappelle's Show... 230 00:08:50,335 --> 00:08:52,251 You know, folks, 231 00:08:54,251 --> 00:08:55,918 I don't know if you guys are just joining us, 232 00:08:56,001 --> 00:08:58,293 but if you missed the first act, 233 00:08:58,376 --> 00:09:02,460 Charlie and Rick James are in the midst of a conflict. 234 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,085 Let's see how the ongoing 235 00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:07,668 Charlie and Rick James feud develops. 236 00:09:07,751 --> 00:09:10,793 The Studio 54 thing, you know, that blew over, 237 00:09:10,876 --> 00:09:12,626 you know what I'm saying? 238 00:09:12,710 --> 00:09:14,876 But then, you know, here we go again. 239 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,168 Cocaine is a hell of a drug. 240 00:09:17,251 --> 00:09:18,876 [chuckles] 241 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,251 Rick is encouraging me. 242 00:09:20,335 --> 00:09:25,001 You know, he shows up at my brother's house fucked up. 243 00:09:25,085 --> 00:09:27,918 Nice place, nigga. 244 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:31,543 So he had these dirty cowboy boots on. 245 00:09:31,626 --> 00:09:33,668 Pushing us out of the way, barged in the house. 246 00:09:33,751 --> 00:09:35,418 My brother had these brand-new couches. 247 00:09:35,501 --> 00:09:37,251 They were suede, right? 248 00:09:37,335 --> 00:09:38,918 And he gets on the couch and says... 249 00:09:39,001 --> 00:09:40,168 Why don't I stretch out? 250 00:09:40,251 --> 00:09:41,918 [laughs] 251 00:09:42,001 --> 00:09:44,960 -And just started grinding mud all into the couch, man. 252 00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:46,293 Yeah, I remember grinding my feet 253 00:09:46,376 --> 00:09:48,126 into Eddie's couch. 254 00:09:49,126 --> 00:09:50,626 -You remember why you did it? 255 00:09:50,710 --> 00:09:52,085 Because Eddie could buy another one. 256 00:09:52,751 --> 00:09:54,293 Fuck your couch, nigga. 257 00:09:54,376 --> 00:09:56,460 Buy another one, you rich motherfucker. 258 00:09:56,543 --> 00:09:58,043 Fuck yo' couch, nigga! 259 00:09:58,126 --> 00:09:59,918 Fuck yo' couch! 260 00:10:00,001 --> 00:10:01,918 Darkness's, darknesse's... 261 00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:04,251 'Cause of my complexion he used to call me darkness. 262 00:10:04,085 --> 00:10:05,710 He calls me and my brother darkness. 263 00:10:05,793 --> 00:10:07,418 He always says, "Darkness brothers." 264 00:10:07,501 --> 00:10:09,626 See, this is long before Wesley Snipes. 265 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:12,626 Back then, we was the blackest niggas on the planet 266 00:10:12,710 --> 00:10:14,168 according to Rick James. 267 00:10:14,251 --> 00:10:16,585 Eddie--both of them were brother darkness. 268 00:10:16,668 --> 00:10:18,293 Twin brother darkness. 269 00:10:18,376 --> 00:10:20,168 -And we standing there, looking at him, 270 00:10:20,251 --> 00:10:22,168 and he's looking right in our eyes 271 00:10:22,251 --> 00:10:23,835 as he grinds his mud. 272 00:10:24,168 --> 00:10:26,085 See, I never just did things just to do them. 273 00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:27,460 Come on, I mean, what am I gonna do? 274 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:28,960 Just, all of a sudden, 275 00:10:29,043 --> 00:10:31,376 just jump up and grind my feet on somebody's couch 276 00:10:31,460 --> 00:10:33,043 like it's, you know, something to do? 277 00:10:33,126 --> 00:10:35,168 Come on, I got a little more sense than that. 278 00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:38,793 Yeah, I remember grinding my feet on Eddie's couch. 279 00:10:38,876 --> 00:10:41,710 [tape rewinding] 280 00:10:41,793 --> 00:10:44,001 see, I never just did things just to do them. 281 00:10:44,085 --> 00:10:45,168 Come on, I mean, what am I gonna do? 282 00:10:45,251 --> 00:10:46,668 Just, all of a sudden, 283 00:10:46,751 --> 00:10:48,585 just jump up and grind my feet on somebody's couch 284 00:10:48,668 --> 00:10:50,543 like it's something to do? 285 00:10:50,626 --> 00:10:52,710 Come on, I got a little more sense than that. 286 00:10:52,793 --> 00:10:56,168 Yeah, I remember grinding my feet on Eddie's couch. 287 00:10:56,251 --> 00:10:58,085 But then it was like, 288 00:10:58,168 --> 00:10:59,668 "You know what? Let's handle this." 289 00:10:59,751 --> 00:11:00,710 We went over there... 290 00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:02,918 Hey, Charlie Murphy! 291 00:11:03,001 --> 00:11:04,835 -And we held him down, 292 00:11:04,918 --> 00:11:07,376 and we just wailed on his legs. 293 00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:09,251 Aah! 294 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,210 Aah, you darkness... 295 00:11:10,293 --> 00:11:13,418 You black, midnight evil motherfucker! 296 00:11:13,501 --> 00:11:15,751 Black magic, darkness! 297 00:11:15,835 --> 00:11:17,793 You're all darkness! 298 00:11:17,876 --> 00:11:21,960 You're fuckin'... Delirious motherfucker... 299 00:11:22,043 --> 00:11:23,085 Aah! 300 00:11:23,168 --> 00:11:24,585 You are cold as ice. 301 00:11:25,793 --> 00:11:27,418 -But still, Rick James, 302 00:11:27,501 --> 00:11:29,626 even after taking a beating like that... 303 00:11:29,710 --> 00:11:31,501 Fuck yo' couch, nigga. 304 00:11:31,585 --> 00:11:33,210 This motherfucker's goin' out. 305 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,835 His legs is like, like, linguine. 306 00:11:35,918 --> 00:11:39,543 I've been kicked out of better homes than this! 307 00:11:39,626 --> 00:11:41,835 I'll be back, you black motherfuckers! 308 00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:46,251 Wide-nose-havin' motherfuckers! 309 00:11:46,085 --> 00:11:49,210 They should've never gave you niggas money! 310 00:11:49,043 --> 00:11:50,876 You don't know how to appreciate shit! 311 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,793 You know you can get another couch! 312 00:11:52,876 --> 00:11:56,543 What am I gonna do about my legs, Eddie Murphy! 313 00:11:56,626 --> 00:11:58,168 My brother, you know, 314 00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:02,001 he's a lot more compassionate than I am. 315 00:12:02,085 --> 00:12:04,210 He's looking and the Limo's drivin' off, and he said, 316 00:12:04,043 --> 00:12:07,835 "Wow, man, Rick really needs help." 317 00:12:07,918 --> 00:12:10,293 And I was like, "Yo, we just gave him some help. 318 00:12:10,376 --> 00:12:12,210 Bust his fuckin' ass and shit. 319 00:12:12,043 --> 00:12:13,460 I bet you he won't come over here 320 00:12:13,543 --> 00:12:15,126 and disrespect like that again." 321 00:12:15,210 --> 00:12:17,168 Wrong. Wrong. 322 00:12:17,251 --> 00:12:19,335 We're talkin' about Rick James, man. 323 00:12:19,418 --> 00:12:22,001 Cocaine's a hell of a drug. 324 00:12:22,085 --> 00:12:24,585 [chuckles] 325 00:12:24,668 --> 00:12:26,501 I'm Rick James, bitch. 326 00:12:28,168 --> 00:12:29,293 Don't go nowhere. 327 00:12:29,376 --> 00:12:30,293 We'll be right back 328 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,793 with more of Charlie Murphy's true Hollywood stories. 329 00:12:37,335 --> 00:12:39,335 ♪ Chappelle's Show. ♪ 330 00:12:39,418 --> 00:12:42,126 Better not bring your kids! 331 00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:43,751 [cheers and applause] 332 00:12:43,835 --> 00:12:45,210 Alright. 333 00:12:47,085 --> 00:12:49,376 And now, ladies and gentlemen, 334 00:12:49,460 --> 00:12:52,585 it is time for the dramatic conclusion 335 00:12:52,668 --> 00:12:55,918 of Charlie Murphy's true Hollywood stories. 336 00:12:56,001 --> 00:12:58,751 I had to fuck him up at 54. 337 00:12:58,835 --> 00:13:01,126 You know, for what he did at 54, 338 00:13:01,210 --> 00:13:03,626 I had to go to his hotel room and kick the shit out of him. 339 00:13:03,710 --> 00:13:06,251 Then he came over to my brother's house, 340 00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:08,210 and I had to whip his legs 341 00:13:08,043 --> 00:13:10,001 because of what he did on the couch. 342 00:13:10,085 --> 00:13:11,210 I heard him tell a story 343 00:13:11,293 --> 00:13:13,335 that he came into the China Club one time 344 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:15,126 and I was behind the bar. 345 00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:16,293 Now, this is true. 346 00:13:16,376 --> 00:13:17,585 -This particular night, 347 00:13:17,668 --> 00:13:19,043 I go over to the China Club, 348 00:13:19,126 --> 00:13:23,251 and, um, I walk in, and I'll never forget-- 349 00:13:23,085 --> 00:13:25,043 the first thing I seen was OJ Simpson. 350 00:13:25,126 --> 00:13:26,585 I remember thinking to myself, 351 00:13:26,668 --> 00:13:28,043 "Wow, that's OJ Simpson! 352 00:13:28,126 --> 00:13:30,126 He has a big fuckin' head, man." 353 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:33,835 And I walk from there, I went in the other section, 354 00:13:33,918 --> 00:13:36,418 and there's Rick behind the bar. 355 00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:40,960 Drink up! Be merry! 356 00:13:41,043 --> 00:13:43,335 Welcome to the China Club. 357 00:13:43,418 --> 00:13:46,460 A China chung-chang, a China chung-chung chang. 358 00:13:46,543 --> 00:13:47,668 [laughs] 359 00:13:47,751 --> 00:13:49,501 Rick's, you know, being Rick. 360 00:13:49,585 --> 00:13:51,085 - Come on, baby, show me your titties. 361 00:13:51,168 --> 00:13:52,001 I'm Rick James. Do something! 362 00:13:52,751 --> 00:13:54,293 Mmm... Mmm... 363 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,960 I wish I had more hands 364 00:13:57,043 --> 00:13:59,668 so I could give those titties four thumbs down. 365 00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:02,668 [laughing] 366 00:14:02,751 --> 00:14:03,626 I ain't realize how high he was. 367 00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:04,960 Next thing you know, he's like... 368 00:14:05,043 --> 00:14:07,293 Charlie Murphy! 369 00:14:07,376 --> 00:14:09,043 What's up, partner? 370 00:14:09,126 --> 00:14:10,668 Darkness, everybody, darkness! 371 00:14:10,751 --> 00:14:13,126 Everyone, darkness is spreading! 372 00:14:13,210 --> 00:14:14,376 Come over here, Charlie. 373 00:14:14,460 --> 00:14:16,001 I'm behind the bar and I'm serving drinks, 374 00:14:16,085 --> 00:14:17,085 and Charlie bends over. 375 00:14:17,168 --> 00:14:18,210 I call out, "Charlie, come here." 376 00:14:18,293 --> 00:14:20,418 Charlie, there's a new joke going around. 377 00:14:20,501 --> 00:14:22,501 Have you heard it? 378 00:14:22,585 --> 00:14:25,918 What did the five fingers say to the face? 379 00:14:26,710 --> 00:14:27,710 What? 380 00:14:27,793 --> 00:14:28,668 Slap! 381 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,043 ♪ Cold-blooded ♪ 382 00:14:33,126 --> 00:14:35,043 [laughing] 383 00:14:35,126 --> 00:14:37,168 Bang, bang! 384 00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:38,793 I'm Rick James, bitch! 385 00:14:38,876 --> 00:14:42,960 Everybody, King Kong ain't got shit on me! 386 00:14:43,626 --> 00:14:45,043 -I'm standing there. I'm thinking, 387 00:14:45,126 --> 00:14:47,543 this nigga really has lost his fuckin' mind. 388 00:14:47,626 --> 00:14:50,251 First of all, you don't slap a man. 389 00:14:50,335 --> 00:14:53,168 [in slow motion] Slap! 390 00:14:53,251 --> 00:14:54,293 Okay? 391 00:14:54,376 --> 00:14:57,293 I mean, even when slapping was fashionable, you know, 392 00:14:57,376 --> 00:14:59,168 they did it in Paris, the guy would come up, 393 00:14:59,251 --> 00:15:01,418 whap-whap-- "I challenge you to a duel!" 394 00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,126 They would have a gun fight after that. 395 00:15:03,210 --> 00:15:04,418 Somebody had to go! 396 00:15:05,710 --> 00:15:06,751 -I just was bugging out. 397 00:15:06,835 --> 00:15:09,335 Anyway, I waited for about five minutes, 398 00:15:09,418 --> 00:15:10,835 something like that. 399 00:15:10,918 --> 00:15:11,876 That's right, bitch. 400 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,626 That's right, bitch. [laughs] 401 00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:16,710 Ahh, darkness! 402 00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:18,001 What's up, man? 403 00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,043 Darkness! 404 00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:20,543 Check it out. Check it out. 405 00:15:20,626 --> 00:15:22,001 I want to tell you somethin'. Come here. 406 00:15:22,085 --> 00:15:23,335 Oh, what's goin' on? 407 00:15:23,418 --> 00:15:25,043 Ow! 408 00:15:25,126 --> 00:15:27,418 -I slapped the shit out of him. 409 00:15:27,501 --> 00:15:28,501 Goddamn! 410 00:15:28,585 --> 00:15:30,668 I came down on it like this. 411 00:15:30,751 --> 00:15:34,210 [in slow motion] Ow! 412 00:15:34,293 --> 00:15:36,043 Ah! Goddamn. 413 00:15:36,126 --> 00:15:38,418 His extensions was flyin' all over the place. 414 00:15:38,501 --> 00:15:39,293 That is absurd! 415 00:15:39,376 --> 00:15:41,126 And he stepped back 416 00:15:41,210 --> 00:15:42,251 and his eyes welled up with water 417 00:15:42,335 --> 00:15:44,001 like he was getting ready to cry, and he said... 418 00:15:44,085 --> 00:15:46,918 Why you hit me like that, Charlie? 419 00:15:47,001 --> 00:15:48,751 'Cause you hit me, man! 420 00:15:48,835 --> 00:15:50,543 That was weeks ago, motherfucker. 421 00:15:50,626 --> 00:15:52,960 -I was partying! - No, that was tonight! 422 00:15:53,043 --> 00:15:55,918 -And I see that he really forgot. 423 00:15:56,001 --> 00:15:58,126 I hit you tonight? 424 00:15:58,210 --> 00:16:00,751 Cocaine's a hell of a drug. 425 00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:03,210 [chuckles] 426 00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:05,126 I'm sorry, Charlie Murphy. 427 00:16:08,085 --> 00:16:09,293 Come here, darkness. 428 00:16:10,335 --> 00:16:12,085 Ha! 429 00:16:12,168 --> 00:16:14,126 [laughs] 430 00:16:14,210 --> 00:16:16,168 It's a celebration! 431 00:16:16,251 --> 00:16:19,251 Bitches! Come here. 432 00:16:19,085 --> 00:16:21,460 It's a celebration, bitches. 433 00:16:21,543 --> 00:16:24,376 Show Charlie Murphy your titties. 434 00:16:24,460 --> 00:16:26,251 I'm Rick James. 435 00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:29,710 [laughs] The milk's gone bad, Murphy. 436 00:16:31,460 --> 00:16:33,001 That was the ebb and flow. 437 00:16:33,085 --> 00:16:36,001 It was, you know-- he would go over the top, 438 00:16:36,085 --> 00:16:39,126 and then I would, you know, check him. 439 00:16:39,210 --> 00:16:42,210 And then we would have fun after that. 440 00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,293 We're still friends, as a matter of fact. 441 00:16:44,376 --> 00:16:46,251 I love Charlie Murphy. 442 00:16:46,085 --> 00:16:49,043 But we'd have it out, smacking each other upside the heads, 443 00:16:49,126 --> 00:16:51,251 smacking each other in the face, 444 00:16:51,085 --> 00:16:53,210 punching each other in the chest, 445 00:16:53,293 --> 00:16:55,001 kick each other. 446 00:16:55,085 --> 00:16:56,960 [in slow motion] Fuck yo' couch, nigga! 447 00:16:57,043 --> 00:16:58,668 Fuck yo' couch! 448 00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:01,376 Ow! 449 00:17:02,210 --> 00:17:05,085 They should've never gave you niggas money! 450 00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:09,168 Can you imagine two grown men doing this? 451 00:17:09,251 --> 00:17:11,543 Cocaine's a hell of a drug. 452 00:17:11,626 --> 00:17:14,751 [chuckles] 453 00:17:14,835 --> 00:17:17,168 I must be losing my mind. 454 00:17:17,251 --> 00:17:20,710 Reminiscing about Charlie Murphy come kicking my ass. 455 00:17:20,793 --> 00:17:23,501 Ain't that a "b"? 456 00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,543 I'm Rick James, bitch. 457 00:17:25,626 --> 00:17:29,251 [cheers and applause] 458 00:17:29,085 --> 00:17:31,251 I would like to thank Charlie Murphy, 459 00:17:31,335 --> 00:17:33,210 I would like to thank Rick James, 460 00:17:33,043 --> 00:17:34,376 and I would like to thank cocaine 461 00:17:34,460 --> 00:17:36,460 for bringing us such a crazy story. 462 00:17:36,543 --> 00:17:38,251 I'm Dave Chappelle. 463 00:17:38,085 --> 00:17:39,835 You're the best audience in the world. 464 00:17:39,918 --> 00:17:40,793 I'm out! 465 00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:43,751 [cheers and applause] 466 00:17:46,168 --> 00:17:50,085 How does Rick James pick up girls in the '80s? 467 00:17:50,168 --> 00:17:52,418 How did I pick up girls in the '80s? 468 00:17:52,501 --> 00:17:54,460 I didn't have to say much. 469 00:17:54,543 --> 00:17:56,751 Charlie had to go through this whole thing. 470 00:17:56,835 --> 00:18:00,960 "Uh, can I buy you a drink? Uh...uh... 471 00:18:01,668 --> 00:18:03,376 "What sign are you? 472 00:18:03,460 --> 00:18:06,126 This is my friend Rick James. We goin' to Rick James' house." 473 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:08,085 That's how Charlie picked up girls after the drinking. 474 00:18:08,168 --> 00:18:09,960 "We goin' over to Rick's house after the club. 475 00:18:10,043 --> 00:18:11,168 You want to come?" 476 00:18:11,251 --> 00:18:12,835 ♪ Now, tell me, brother ♪ 477 00:18:12,918 --> 00:18:14,085 [laughs] 478 00:18:14,168 --> 00:18:16,043 Charlie used my name to pick up girls.