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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Oww ♪
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♪ Woo-hoo hoo ♪
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♪ Woo-hoo ♪
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♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
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Let's start the show.
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[cheers & applause]
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[announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen.
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Dave Chappelle!
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Whoa!
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Hey, hey.
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Wow.
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Man.
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Hey, little guy.
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[applause]
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All right, thank you so much.
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Ever see that, uh, commercial
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where that guy, Calvin, gets
a job at a fast food restaurant?
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Remember that commercial?
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That guy Calvin would get a job
at a fast food restaurant
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and they act like that's
the best thing that could happen
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to a guy in the ghetto--
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like the whole
neighborhood's excited,
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like this is gonna end poverty.
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[Laughing]
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"Calvin, you gettin'
this job is the signpost
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to a new era
in the Black community.
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"Thank you,
fast food restaurant."
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That's not what it's
like to work at a fast food--
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people aren't proud of you.
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Let's see what would happen
to Calvin
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if he really had a job
in fast food.
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[audience laughing]
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Look at that,
Calvin's got a job.
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Hey, Calvin.
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Way to go, young blood,
way to go.
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[announcer] WacArnold's is proud
to give young African Americans
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an opportunity to serve
their communities,
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making them feel responsible
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for the welfare
of their own environment.
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Afternoon, ladies.
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Eww, nigga, you smell like
French fries.
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♪ WacArnold's ♪
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Well, see, hold up.
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Now, that's just a week into it.
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Let's see what happens
with Calvin,
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like, three weeks into it.
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♪
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Well, here you go, Calvin.
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My first check.
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Thank you, sir.
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♪
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[announcer] WacArnold's is proud
to give young African Americans
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an opportunity to serve
their communities,
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making them feel responsible
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for the welfare
of their own environment.
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Look at that,
Calvin's got a job.
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Hey, Calvin.
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Hey, miss Harvey,
got my first paycheck.
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That's good, Calvin, very good.
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Way to go, young blood.
Gettin' paid, gettin' paid.
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Ay, yo, I heard
Calvin got a job.
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Man, I'm proud of him.
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-Let's Rob that nigga, man.
-Yeah, son.
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♪ WacArnold's ♪
[applause]
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Pretty rough.
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Why don't we check in
with Calvin two months later?
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[announcer] WacArnold's is proud
to give young African Americans
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an opportunity to serve
their communities,
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making them feel responsible
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for the welfare of their own
environment.
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[Calvin]
Hey, where's miss Harvey?
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Oh, she died, Calvin--
of high cholesterol.
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Too much WacArnold's.
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[audience groaning]
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Damn, Calvin,
you look beat the hell up.
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-What's up, fry guy?
-Punk bitch.
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[audience laughing]
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Corny-ass nigga.
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Yo, Calvin, it's a thin line
between fries and shakes.
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[audience laughing]
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♪ The leanest burger
In the world ♪
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♪ Could be the meanest
Burger in the world ♪
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♪ If you cook it that way ♪
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I need to stop smokin'
this shit, here, brother.
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Hey, brought y'all home
some dinner from work.
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Calvin, you can't keep feedin'
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me and your baby hamburgers
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and French fries
every goddamn night.
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Well, what the hell
do you expect me to do?
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Nigga, get a real job.
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Bitch, WacArnold's has
given me an opportunity
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to serve my community
and feel responsible
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for the welfare
of my own environment.
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Don't give me
that triflin'-ass bullshit!
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I'm under a lot of pressure,
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hey and whose gloves are these?
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Huh?
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Who you fuckin', OJ?
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What is this?
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Calvin, you're always working.
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Oh, you fuckin' Defari!
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I seen that African leavin'
here when I was comin' in.
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Well, shit, if you was
here a little bit more!
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WacArnold's is tearing
this family apart!
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You know miss Harvey died.
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Oh, man.
[Baby crying]
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The baby.
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The baby's crying.
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See, and guess what?
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The rib sandwich is comin'
back on Tuesday.
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Guess who ain't gettin' one?
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[woman]
I don't eat pork, anyway.
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You damn right
you don't eat pork
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'cause I ain't givin' you none.
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I ain't givin' you
no hamburgers, no apple pies.
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I ain't givin' you shit!
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Calvin got that all locked down.
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If you want some WacArnold's,
you got to go through me.
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You're cut off!
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You're cut off!
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I'm Calvin around here.
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You know about me?
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Everybody know I got a job.
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All right, guys, we're gonna
take a quick commercial break.
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Don't go anywhere,
we'll be right back
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with more Chappelle's Show.
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[cheers & applause]
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Ow ♪
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[cheers & applause]
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Welcome back.
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Welcome back, everybody.
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Uh...
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Thanks, guys.
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So, last season,
I had Paul Mooney
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on the show do a segment
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called "ask a Black dude."
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And I asked him, I said,
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"Paul, we gotta do that again
this year."
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He said,
"oh, I can't do it, homie."
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But I'll do you one better.
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And he put me on
to the hottest psychic ever
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in the history of the world.
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So, please, America,
make some noise
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for Paul Mooney as Negrodamus.
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[applause]
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[man]
What's the meaning of life?
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[woman] Who is my real father?
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[woman 2]
Will I ever find a husband?
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[man] Am I gonna get sick?
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[man 1] Does god really exist?
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[female announcer]
For centuries,
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people have turned to one man
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for the answer to life's great
mysteries.
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That man is Negrodamus.
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[audience laughing]
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You, sir.
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Negrodamus,
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what mistakes did
Michael Jackson make
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before he got arrested?
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Michael Jackson...
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Should have not been a singer.
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Michael Jackson
should have been a priest.
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Then he would've
just been transferred.
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You, ma'am.
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Negrodamus,
why is President Bush
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so sure Iraq has weapons
of mass destruction?
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Because he has the receipt.
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Next question.
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[cheers & applause]
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[speaking Italian]
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Rosie O'Donnell
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shall have a sex change.
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She will become a man
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and marry Liza Minnelli's
husband and beat him.
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[audience laughing]
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Grazie, grazie mille, grazie.
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Next.
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Hi, Negrodamus.
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What will happen
to Star Jones on the view?
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Star Jones,
I'm getting something.
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Star Jones will have two jobs.
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First, she'll do the view.
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Then she'll take her wig off
and do the weather.
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Thank you, Negrodamus.
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[female announcer]
For centuries,
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people have turned to one man
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for the answer
to life's great mysteries.
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That man is Negrodamus.
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[applause]
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That's right.
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Y'all remember that comedian,
Gallagher?
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[audience] Yeah.
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Pretty corny, right?
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He is, he was a corny dude.
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Well, the thing people don't
know about Gallagher--
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I don't know if you know this
or not,
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it might just be something
comedians know--
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He had a twin brother.
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Did you know that?
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He sold his act
to his twin brother.
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His twin brother goes on
the road as Gallagher two.
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Not makin' that up.
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Here's even a lesser-known fact.
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His twin brother
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sold the act to a Black guy
named Earl Wallingford.
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And the Black dude went
out as Black Gallagher.
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I have tape of his special.
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It's ridiculous.
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Where are the weapons
of mass destruction?
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That's what I'm talkin' about.
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Osama bin Laden.
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Why don't they call him,
"Osama been hiding."
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Hope you like my outfit.
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The queer guys came by
and had an eye for me.
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Pink Hearts, Yellow Moons,
Green Clovers, Orange Stars?
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That leprechaun's on acid.
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He's crazy.
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He's crazy.
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He's crazy like me.
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00:09:17,585 --> 00:09:20,376
Are you ready to smash
some fruit?
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Can't hear you.
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00:09:24,251 --> 00:09:25,168
Pee on US!
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Yeah, you wanna smash
some fruit, yeah?
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Smash some fruit,
you Black son of a bitch.
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Well, Black Gallagher
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doesn't go out like
no punk bitch with a mallet.
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[gun shots]
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Black Gallagher, bitch!
That's right!
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[screaming]
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I got warrants.
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[applause]
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We're gonna take
a quick commercial break.
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But don't go anywhere,
everybody.
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00:10:05,293 --> 00:10:08,793
We got more show coming up
right after this.
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[cheers & applause]
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00:10:12,710 --> 00:10:13,710
♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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00:10:13,793 --> 00:10:14,751
♪ Ow ♪
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00:10:16,876 --> 00:10:18,001
Hey, gang.
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00:10:20,251 --> 00:10:22,710
Welcome back
to Chappelle's Show .
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Up top beside the sound,
it's good to see ya.
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[applause]
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Man, this is crazy, man.
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All right, last season,
we started the series off
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with a sketch about
a black white supremacist.
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Very controversial.
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00:10:41,043 --> 00:10:42,626
[applause]
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00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:44,168
Yes, it was very...
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It sparked this whole
controversy
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about the appropriateness
of the...
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The "N" word,
the dreaded "N" word.
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Then when I would travel,
people would come up to me,
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white people would
come up to me, like,
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"man, that sketch you did
about them niggers, that was..."
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00:11:00,043 --> 00:11:03,210
[audience laughing]
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00:11:03,293 --> 00:11:05,085
Take it easy.
261
00:11:05,168 --> 00:11:07,376
I was joking around.
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00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:10,210
You start to realize
these sketches,
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in the wrong hands,
are dangerous.
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00:11:13,626 --> 00:11:16,085
You know, and that "N" word
is a doozie.
265
00:11:16,168 --> 00:11:17,251
Especially for us Black folks.
266
00:11:17,335 --> 00:11:19,418
You know, a lot of
different feelings come up
267
00:11:19,501 --> 00:11:20,835
when they hear that word.
268
00:11:20,918 --> 00:11:22,210
But I'm thinking, is it because
269
00:11:22,293 --> 00:11:24,668
Black people actually identify
themselves as "N" words?
270
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:28,001
No, I don't know, maybe.
271
00:11:28,085 --> 00:11:30,168
But what if we just
use the word for other people?
272
00:11:30,251 --> 00:11:32,210
Would it be so bad?
I don't know.
273
00:11:35,835 --> 00:11:37,335
So I made a sketch.
274
00:11:38,668 --> 00:11:39,918
It's about a white family
275
00:11:40,001 --> 00:11:42,626
whose last name happens
to be "Niggar", that's all.
276
00:11:45,918 --> 00:11:48,210
Let's see how offensive
the word sounds now.
277
00:11:48,043 --> 00:11:51,126
♪ N-I-G, G-A-R ♪
278
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,043
♪ It's the Niggar family ♪
279
00:11:54,085 --> 00:11:56,168
♪ We all know
Who they are ♪
280
00:11:56,251 --> 00:11:58,751
♪ Frank, Tim and Emily ♪
281
00:12:00,085 --> 00:12:02,293
♪ Teaching Tim
How to ride a bike ♪
282
00:12:02,376 --> 00:12:05,168
♪ These are the Niggars
That we like ♪
283
00:12:05,251 --> 00:12:07,626
♪ N-I-G, G-A-R ♪
284
00:12:07,710 --> 00:12:10,335
♪ It's the Niggar family ♪
285
00:12:10,418 --> 00:12:13,210
♪ It's the Niggar family ♪
286
00:12:13,043 --> 00:12:15,126
♪ Yeah ♪
287
00:12:15,210 --> 00:12:17,418
♪
288
00:12:21,251 --> 00:12:22,626
Breakfast is served.
289
00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:25,168
Look, hon, my sister
just had another baby.
290
00:12:25,251 --> 00:12:27,293
Look at this little
bundle of joy.
291
00:12:27,376 --> 00:12:29,126
She's got those Niggar lips.
292
00:12:29,210 --> 00:12:31,085
I know, so thin.
293
00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:32,876
Is Tim still asleep?
294
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,168
[Emily] I think so.
295
00:12:34,251 --> 00:12:36,543
He sure is one lazy Niggar.
296
00:12:37,460 --> 00:12:40,168
Good morning, Mom. Morning, Dad.
297
00:12:40,251 --> 00:12:41,501
Good morning.
298
00:12:41,585 --> 00:12:43,251
You know, Tim, we're having
a dinner party tonight.
299
00:12:43,335 --> 00:12:44,460
I trust you'll be here.
300
00:12:44,543 --> 00:12:45,626
Oh, I can't.
301
00:12:45,710 --> 00:12:48,793
I have my first big date
with Jenny Halstead.
302
00:12:48,876 --> 00:12:50,751
Oh.
303
00:12:50,835 --> 00:12:53,460
Jenny has a date tonight
with the Niggar boy from school.
304
00:12:53,543 --> 00:12:55,376
What? Oh, god, no!
305
00:12:55,460 --> 00:12:57,210
No, daddy, that's his name.
306
00:12:57,293 --> 00:12:58,126
Timmy Niggar.
307
00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:01,626
Oh, of course, that Niggar.
308
00:13:01,710 --> 00:13:04,876
He's a very good athlete
and so well-spoken.
309
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,960
That family's going places.
310
00:13:07,043 --> 00:13:09,543
I mean, we're rich.
They're Niggar rich.
311
00:13:09,626 --> 00:13:10,960
Oh, Bill.
312
00:13:11,835 --> 00:13:12,960
[Clifton] Mornin', Niggars!
313
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,293
Why, it's Clifton,
our colored milkman.
314
00:13:15,376 --> 00:13:18,835
And this is my favorite family
to deliver milk to.
315
00:13:18,918 --> 00:13:20,126
The Niggars!
316
00:13:21,210 --> 00:13:23,126
Mmm-mm!
317
00:13:23,210 --> 00:13:25,210
Somethin' sho' smells good.
318
00:13:25,293 --> 00:13:26,418
You Niggars cookin'?
319
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:27,710
We sure are.
320
00:13:27,793 --> 00:13:30,126
There's some leftover
bacon if you'd like some.
321
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,626
Ooh, none for me.
322
00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,376
I know better
than to get between
323
00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:34,876
a Niggar and their pork.
324
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,043
Might get my fingers bit.
325
00:13:37,126 --> 00:13:39,085
[laughing]
Here you go.
326
00:13:41,043 --> 00:13:43,376
I, I hate to bother you
about this.
327
00:13:43,460 --> 00:13:46,043
But, uh, well, you didn't
pay your bill last week.
328
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:48,043
And I know how forgetful
you Niggars are
329
00:13:48,126 --> 00:13:49,418
when it comes to paying bills.
330
00:13:49,501 --> 00:13:52,085
Golly, Clifton,
it slipped my mind.
331
00:13:52,168 --> 00:13:53,710
Here you go.
332
00:13:53,793 --> 00:13:54,751
Sorry about that.
333
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:56,210
Oh, Niggar, please.
334
00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:57,626
Niggar, please!
335
00:13:57,710 --> 00:14:00,251
Well, take care, Mr. "N" word.
336
00:14:00,085 --> 00:14:01,918
I have a hot date
with the wife tonight.
337
00:14:02,001 --> 00:14:03,210
All right, take care.
338
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,668
All right, peace, Niggar.
339
00:14:04,751 --> 00:14:06,543
[audience laughing]
340
00:14:11,835 --> 00:14:12,626
Niggars!
341
00:14:14,918 --> 00:14:16,501
♪
342
00:14:17,418 --> 00:14:19,293
[man] Stevenson, party of four.
343
00:14:19,376 --> 00:14:22,168
Uh, Stevenson, party of four.
344
00:14:22,251 --> 00:14:24,501
Table five, please. Bon Appetit.
345
00:14:25,835 --> 00:14:28,710
Niggar, party of two,
Niggar, party of two.
346
00:14:28,793 --> 00:14:30,085
Lookie here, Jack!
347
00:14:30,168 --> 00:14:31,751
Just because
we're colored, doesn't mean
348
00:14:31,835 --> 00:14:34,335
we came out here
to be disrespected, okay?
349
00:14:34,418 --> 00:14:36,126
Uh, we're the Niggar family.
350
00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:37,960
Oh, hi, Clifton.
351
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:41,251
Oh, well, hello, little Niggar.
352
00:14:43,043 --> 00:14:45,376
These are the Niggars
I was telling you about.
353
00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:46,751
Are you the Niggar
that broke the bottle
354
00:14:46,835 --> 00:14:48,043
over Ronnie's head
at the dice game?
355
00:14:48,126 --> 00:14:49,918
No, not that Niggar.
356
00:14:50,001 --> 00:14:52,585
The Niggar from work.
The milk route.
357
00:14:52,668 --> 00:14:54,918
Oh, okay.
358
00:14:56,043 --> 00:14:57,210
Have a nice meal.
359
00:14:57,043 --> 00:14:59,085
I bet you'll get
the finest table
360
00:14:59,168 --> 00:15:01,168
a Niggar's ever got
in this restaurant.
361
00:15:01,043 --> 00:15:03,835
[laughing]
362
00:15:03,918 --> 00:15:06,126
Ooh, whee!
363
00:15:07,501 --> 00:15:12,210
Oh, lord, this racism
is killing me inside.
364
00:15:13,460 --> 00:15:14,751
[doorbell ringing]
365
00:15:14,835 --> 00:15:16,668
Well, honey, put your
dinner party face on.
366
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:20,293
[Frank] Hello.
367
00:15:20,376 --> 00:15:22,751
Well, you must
be the wetbacks.
368
00:15:23,626 --> 00:15:25,376
It's Sanchez.
369
00:15:25,460 --> 00:15:28,626
And don't call us wetbacks,
Niggar.
370
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:30,085
We find it offensive.
371
00:15:32,376 --> 00:15:34,043
I'm just kidding,
we are the wetbacks.
372
00:15:34,126 --> 00:15:36,293
[laughing]
373
00:15:40,126 --> 00:15:42,043
Wait'll we tell the Jews.
374
00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:46,001
Oh, you're one crazy Niggar.
375
00:15:46,085 --> 00:15:48,335
♪ N-I-G, G-A-R ♪
376
00:15:48,418 --> 00:15:51,126
♪ It's the Niggar family ♪
377
00:15:51,210 --> 00:15:53,335
♪ It's the Niggar family ♪
378
00:15:54,126 --> 00:15:55,251
Niggars!
379
00:15:55,085 --> 00:15:56,210
♪
380
00:15:57,918 --> 00:15:59,085
I'm Dave Chappelle.
381
00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:01,335
You guys are the best audience
in the world.
382
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:02,668
I'd like to thank you all.
383
00:16:02,751 --> 00:16:04,126
I'd like to thank everybody
at home.
384
00:16:04,210 --> 00:16:05,918
And we'll see you next week!
385
00:16:06,001 --> 00:16:09,085
[cheers & applause]
386
00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:13,043
[Chappelle] I'm rich, biatch!
387
00:16:13,126 --> 00:16:13,960
[horn honks]
388
00:16:14,043 --> 00:16:15,085
Hi, thank you.
389
00:16:16,168 --> 00:16:18,918
You know why a dog
licks his balls?
390
00:16:20,210 --> 00:16:21,168
'Cause they're salty.
391
00:16:22,918 --> 00:16:24,501
Black Gallagher!
392
00:16:24,585 --> 00:16:26,085
Rich people stink!
393
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:32,626
They smell like someone's been
cooking Bologna in their shirt.
394
00:16:34,626 --> 00:16:38,585
The sun is very far away
from the earth, people.
395
00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:41,293
But I'm hot.
396
00:16:46,085 --> 00:16:49,876
♪