♪ ♪
>> START THE CLOCK.
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I'M >> Bill: THANK YOU VERY
MUCH, I APPRECIATE IT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I
APPRECIATE IT THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR COMING.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU FOR COMING AND PUTTING
ON A BRAVE FACE, PROCESSING WHAT
HAPPENED AT THE OSCARS.
[LAUGHTER]
I WANT TO SAY TO WILL SMITH,
LOOK.
I GOT YOUR BACK, STAY STRONG.
APRIL FOOLS, YOU'RE A DICK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU'RE ON MY SIDE FOR ONCE.
I'M NOT HERE TO HUMILIATE
WILL SMITH, HE GETS ENOUGH OF
THAT AT HOME.
[LAUGHTER]
I WILL SAY THIS, EVERY SINGLE
PERSON IN AMERICA, THIS ENTIRE
WEEK WAS TALKING ABOUT NOTHING
BUT THE SUCKER PUNCH HEARD ROUND
THE WORLD.
SO THE WHOLE KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME
OUT OF YOUR MOUTH THING IT
DIDN'T REALLY WORK OUT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
CAN WE AT LEAST SAY THAT?
AND THE OSCARS?
THERE WAS MORE ACTION IN THE TEN
SECONDS THEN THE WHOLE THREE
HOURS OF POWER OF THE DOG.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED THAT THE
MOVIE THAT COMES OUT OF THE
OSCARS WITH ALL THE BUZZ WAS
G.I. JANE?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I MUST SAY, COMPARING A WOMAN TO
DEMI MOORE LOOKING HER HOTTEST
IS NOT EXACTLY THE WORST INSULT
I'VE EVER HEARD IN THE WORLD.
ALOPECIA, IT'S NOT LEUKEMIA.
IT'S WHEN YOUR HAIR FALLS OUT.
APPALACHIA, WHEN YOUR TEETH FALL
OUT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THERE ARE WORSE THINGS.
I'M SUPPOSED TO FEEL BAD FOR
WILL SMITH DEFENDING THE HONOR
OF THE WOMAN WHO WAS FUCKING
AUGUST ALSINA.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE OTHER THING THAT WAS FISHY
ABOUT THIS IS WHEN CHRIS ROCK
TOLD THE JOKE YOU CUT TO
WILL SMITH AND HE'S LAUGHING AT
THE JOKE, THEN HE SEES THAT HIS
WIFE IS GIVING HIM THE STINK EY
STINK EYE.
I BLAME TOXIC FEMININITY, I DO.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NOW OF COURSE THERE'S A
CONTROVERSY ON TOP OF THE
CONTROVERSY BECAUSE THE ACADEMY
SAYS THEY ASKED WILL AFTER THAT
TO LEAVE AND HE REFUSED AND GOT
INTO A SHOVING MATCH WITH LIZA
MINNELLI.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I DON'T KNOW WHO IS LYING, BUT
THE ACADEMY IS GETTING VERY
STERN NOW.
THEY SAID FOR NOW ON THEY MAY
BAN WILL SMITH FOR EVER COMING
BACK TO THE OSCARS AND MY
QUESTION COME OUT AND WHAT IS
THE PUNISHMENT?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OTHER THINGS ARE GOING ON IN THE
WORLD BUT WE DON'T CARE ABOUT
THAT -- THERE ARE TWO
INTERESTING MOVES IN THE MEDIA.
JEN PSAKI IS LEAVING, SHE IS
PRESIDENT BIDEN'S PRESS
SPOKESMAN, SHE'S GOING TO JOIN
MSNBC, PART OF THEIR COMMITMENT
TO DIVERSITY.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NOW THEY HAVE A REDHEAD TO!
AND FOX NEWS, GUESS WHO'S
JOINING FOX NEWS?
CAITLYN JENNER.
NOW THEY WILL HAVE TWO TUCKERS.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW,
ANDREW YANG AND LAURA COATES ARE
HERE, BUT FIRST.
SHE'S THE FORMER LEAD CYBER
SECURITY REPORTER FOR THE NEW
YORK TIMES AND AUTHOR OF "THIS
IS HOW THEY TELL ME THE WORLD
ENDS: THE CYBERWEAPONS ARMS
RACE": NICOLE PERLROTH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
THANK YOU.
THAT'S A VERY SCARY TITLE YOU
HAVE.
I HAVE BEEN CONCERNED AS WE ALL
HAVE ABOUT CYBER WAR AND I THINK
PEOPLE TALK ABOUT IT LIKE THIS
IS THE COMING WAR BUT IT REALLY
IS THE PRESENT WAR, ISN'T IT?
IT'S UNDERWAY, HASN'T RUSSIA
ALREADY GOTTEN INTO OUR
ELECTIONS, GOTTEN INTO OIL
FACILITIES?
AND WE HIT THEIR POWER GRID,
DIDN'T WE IN 2015?
ISN'T THE WAR HAPPENING?
>> WE BASICALLY HAD BEEN IN A
DIGITAL COLD WAR SINCE THE
COLD WAR ENDED.
LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE COVERED,
I'VE COVERED PACKS OF THE
UKRAINE POWER GRID, HACKS OF THE
NUCLEAR PLANTS.
THEY DIDN'T GET AS FAR AS THE
CONTROLS BUT THEY ARE HEADING
FOR THEM.
THE QUESTION IS WHAT IS GOING TO
BE THE TRIGGER FOR THEM TO PULL
THE ACCESS THEY ALREADY HAVE?
ANYBODY WHO'S PAYING ATTENTION
TO CYBERSECURITY RIGHT NOW IS
WATCHING WHAT'S HAPPENING IN
UKRAINE VERY CLOSELY BECAUSE THE
MORE WE TIGHTEN THE SCREWS ON
PUTIN WITH SANCTIONS AND THE BAN
ON OIL AND VODKA, THE MORE
LIKELY IT IS THAT THIS GUY IS
GOING TO DO SOMETHING, HE'S NOT
THE TYPE TO SIT BACK AND CHILL
ABOUT IT.
>> Bill: 1T OF ALREADY DONE IT
BY NOW?
>> THIS IS INTERESTING.
SOME CYBERSECURITY EXPERTS
THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO GO FULL
GANGSTER IN THE DAYS LEADING UP
TO THE INVASION.
HE DIDN'T TURN THE POWER OFF BUT
THERE ARE SOME PRETTY SERIOUS --
>> Bill: THE POWER IN UKRAINE,
CAN HE DO IT HERE?
>> HE CAN.
>> Bill: WHAT?
HE CAN TURN THE POWER OFF IN
AMERICA?
>> THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND
SECURITY PUT OUT A SCREEN SHOT A
COUPLE OF YEARS AGO THAT SHOWED
RUSSIAN HACKERS WITH THEIR HANDS
ON THE CONTROLS OF THE U.S.
POWER PLANT.
THEY DIDN'T PULL THE TRIGGER,
THE DIDN'T SHUT ANYTHING DOWN.
WE KNOW THEY HAVE THE ACCESS.
>> Bill: THEY GOT INTO ALL 50
STATES ELECTIONS.
THEY DIDN'T SEEM TO SCREW WITH
THEM BUT THEY GOT IN.
WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?
THEY JUST WANT US TO KNOW THEY
CAN DO IT?
>> WE DON'T KNOW WHY THEY DIDN'T
GO FURTHER, WE DON'T KNOW IF IT
WAS JOHN BRENNAN CALLING UP HIS
COUNTERPART AND SAYING DON'T DO
THIS, WE'LL RESPOND.
WE DON'T KNOW IF THIS WAS
TESTING GROUNDS FOR SOME FUTURE
INTERFERENCE, WE REALLY DON'T
KNOW WHAT THE DEAL WAS WITH THE
ELECTION INTERFERENCE.
THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO TO ME
FOR ELECTION INTERFERENCE IS AN
ATTACK ON THE REGISTRATION WITH
A MARKED PEOPLE WHO ARE
REGISTERED AS UNREGISTERED OR
DEAD AND THEY SHOW UP TO VOTE
AND THEY SAY WE HAVE NO EVIDENCE
THAT YOU ARE REGISTERED AND THAT
PERSON WALKS OFF AND THERE IS NO
TRACE OF ANY INTERFERENCE AT AL
ALL.
IT'S BASICALLY VOTER
DISENFRANCHISEMENT IN DIGITAL
FORM.
>> Bill: NO FINGERPRINTS ON
IT.
WHAT ABOUT BANKS?
AREN'T YOU WORRIED ABOUT THAT?
THEY COULD GET INTO OUR BANK
ACCOUNTS?
WHAT IS THE FUTURE GO WITH --
I'VE HEARD PEOPLE SAY WE WILL
HAVE TOTALLY DIGITAL CURRENCY
SOONER THAN YOU THINK.
DOESN'T THAT MAKE THAT SITUATION
WORSE?
>> BANKS I WORRY LESS ABOUT,
JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE GOTTEN
RELIGION ON CYBERSECURITY FOR
VERY LONG TIME.
IF SOMEONE WIPED OUT YOUR BANK
ACCOUNT, EVERYONE WOULD FREAK
OUT AND MOVE THEIR MONEY.
THEY HAVE BUILT UP INTELLIGENCE
AGENCIES TO TRACK THESE THREATS.
I WORRY MORE ABOUT PIPELINES, I
WORRY ABOUT UTILITIES, I WORRY
ABOUT WATER TREATMENT FACILITIES
THAT DON'T EVEN HAVE AN I.T. GUY
ON STAFF.
THAT IS WHERE WE ARE THE MOST
VULNERABLE.
>> Bill: THEY DO ATTACK
INDIVIDUALS.
I READ IN YOUR BOOK ABOUT ZERO
DAYS, TELL EVERYBODY WITH ZERO
DAYS MEANS.
>> A ZERO DAY IS A HOLE IN THE
SOFTWARE, IT'S A VULNERABILITY
IN THE SOFTWARE, LET'S SAY IT'S
YOUR iPHONE.
IT'S A VULNERABILITY IN YOUR
IOS SOFTWARE.
IF I'M A HACKER AND I FIND THAT
VULNERABILITY AND APPLE DOESN'T
KNOW ABOUT IT, THAT'S CALLED A
ZERO DAY.
IF I CAN WRITE A PROGRAM TO
EXPLOIT THAT ZERO DAY TO READ
YOUR TEXT MESSAGES OR TURN ON
YOUR CAMERA WITHOUT YOU KNOWING
ABOUT IT OR TRACK YOUR LOCATION,
THAT IS A ZERO DAY EXPLOIT.
YOU CAN SEE WHY THAT EXPLOIT I
JUST DESCRIBED WOULD HAVE
IMMENSE VALUE FOR AN
INTELLIGENCE AGENCY.
PUTTING AN INVISIBLE ANKLE
BRACELET ON YOU, THERE IS A
WHOLE MARKET FOR GOVERNMENTS FOR
ZERO DAY EXPLOITS.
THE GOING RATE IN THE U.S. LAST
TIME I CHECKED WAS $2.5 MILLION
FOR THAT EXPLOIT I JUST
DESCRIBED.
THE SAUDIS WILL PAY YOU 3.52 MEG
$4 MILLION IF YOU WANT TO SELL
IT TO THE SAUDIS.
THIS WHOLE MARKET AROUND THE
SOFTWARE VULNERABILITIES, PEOPLE
DON'T REALIZE FOR YEARS,
GOVERNMENTS HAVE BEEN PURCHASING
THESE NOT SO THEY CAN TELL APPLE
ABOUT THEM AND LEAVE THEM MORE
PROTECTED BUT SO THEY CAN
EXPLOIT THEM FOR
COUNTERINTELLIGENCE AND PLANT
THEMSELVES IN A CERTAIN SYSTEM
FOR A RAINY DAY.
THE REASON I CHOSE TO CALL THIS
OUT WAS BECAUSE I WAS SITTING IN
MY PERCH AT "THE NEW YORK TIMES"
AND I WAS SEEING ALL OF OUR
ADVERSARIES -- WE HAVE A REALLY
SOFT UNDERBELLY WITH CYBER.
THEY CAN DO A LOT OF DAMAGE HERE
AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO GO MATCH
US IN TERMS OF OUR MILITARY
BUDGETS EMMA THEY CAN DO A LOT
OF DAMAGE TO THE UNITED STATES.
EVEN THE UNITED STATES WAS
LEAVING THESE ZERO DAYS OPEN FOR
ITS OPERATIONS.
THE REASON I WANTED TO CALL IT
OUT WAS TO SAY CYBERSECURITY IS
NOW NATIONAL SECURITY.
WE NEED TO START PATCHING THESE
SYSTEMS AND GETTING AMERICANS TO
WAKE UP TO HOW VULNERABLE THESE
CRITICAL SYSTEMS ARE.
>> Bill: ISN'T ONE OF THE
REASONS WHY WE ARE NOT MORE
ALARMED IS BECAUSE IT IS NOT
ALWAYS REPORTED -- THE PEOPLE
WHO GET HACKED DON'T WANT TO
REPORT.
>> THAT HAS BEEN A BIG ONE.
CHINA WAS HACKING OUR
INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY LEFT AND
RIGHT AND NO ONE WANTS TO ADMIT
THEIR INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY IS
SITTING AT SOME CHINESE
STATE-OWNED ENTERPRISE INSTITUTE
IN BEIJING.
EVERYONE WAS COVERING THIS UP
FOR A REALLY LONG TIME AND
ACTUALLY WHAT CHANGED WAS WHEN
"THE NEW YORK TIMES" WAS HACKED
BY CHINA.
AND WE WROTE ABOUT IT AND WE
SAID LISTEN, THIS IS HAPPENING
TO EVERY COMPANY IN AMERICA,
EVERY COMPANY IN AMERICA,
JOURNALISTS ARE NOW BASICALLY
RIPE TARGETS FOR ADVANCED
CHINESE, RUSSIAN NATION-STATE
HACKERS BUT WE DON'T ACT LIKE
IT.
>> Bill: OKAY, WHAT SHOULD WE
DO?
WHAT IS THE OBVIOUS THING THE
GOVERNMENT SHOULD BE DOING THAT
IS NOT DOING?
I WOULD GUESS WHEN I READ THE
STATS, HIRE MORE PEOPLE.
I KNOW THE DEPARTMENT OF
HOMELAND SECURITY HAS 140,000
PEOPLE AND ONLY ABOUT 2500 ARE
WORKING ON THIS.
MAY BE MORE PEOPLE WOULD JUST BE
STANDING AROUND, LIKE I SEE
PLACES.
THEY SPEND $10 BILLION ON THIS,
IT SOUNDS LIKE GIVEN THAT WE
JUST SIGNED A PENTAGON BUDGET
FOR 813 BILLION, IT SOUNDS LIKE
A BIT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BUY EQUIPMENT
FOR THIS.
I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS TOO
MUCH, NOT ENOUGH, JUST THE RIGHT
AMOUNT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE
DOING AND WHAT WE SHOULD BE
DOING, IT'S WHAT YOU ARE HERE TO
TELL ME.
[LAUGHTER]
>> WHAT PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND
IS THAT WHEN IT COMES TO
CYBERSECURITY, THE GOVERNMENT IS
NOT IN CHARGE OF MOST OF OUR
CRITICAL SYSTEMS.
85% OF AMERICA'S CRITICAL
INFRASTRUCTURE, WATER, DAMS,
PIPELINES ARE ALL IN PRIVATE
SECTOR HANDS AND AFTER SNOWDEN
WE HAVE THIS WHOLE DEBATE,
REMEMBER SNOWED IN, IN MOSCOW --
WE HAD THIS WHOLE DEBATE ABOUT
WHETHER WE WANT TO THE NSA IN
DOMESTIC SYSTEMS AND WE ALL
DECIDED WE DIDN'T.
SO THE GOVERNMENT ISN'T SITTING
IN THESE SYSTEMS IN REAL TIME
DEFENDING THEM FROM ADVANCED
NATION-STATE HACKERS.
IT'S BASICALLY PRIVATE COMPANIES
THEMSELVES THAT ARE FORCED TO
DEFEND THEMSELVES FROM THESE
THREATS.
ANY TIME THERE HAS BEEN ANY
EFFORTS TO LEGISLATE THOSE
COMPANIES MEET SOME BARE MINIMUM
STANDARDS OF CYBERSECURITY
LOBBYISTS HAVE COME IN AND SAID
NO, TOO DIFFICULT, TOO
EXPENSIVE, TOO MUCH REGULATION,
WE AREN'T GOING TO PUT UP WITH
IT.
THE SITUATION --
>> Bill: WHO IS IT, THIS IS
THE REPUBLICANS?
>> SADLY, IT WAS JOHN McCAIN
WHO FILIBUSTERED THAT LAST
ATTEMPT AT A BILL.
>> Bill: BECAUSE THEY THINK
IT'S TOO MUCH GOVERNMENT
INTERFERENCE?
>> IT WAS DIRTY WORD REGULATION.
>> Bill: AND THAT'S WHAT
HAPPENS WHEN IT TAKES THREE
YEARS TO GET SOLAR HOOKED UP IN
YOUR HOUSE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
REGULATION BECOMES A DIRTY WORD
TO.
THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE DOING
EXPOSING IT BECAUSE THIS IS A
PROBLEM.
THANK YOU, LET'S MEET OUR PANEL!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HERE THEY ARE!
HE'S THE FOUNDER OF THE NEW
POLITICAL THIRD PARTY, FORWARD,
AND AUTHOR OF "FORWARD: NOTES ON
THE FUTURE OF OUR DEMOCRACY":
ANDREW YANG.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SHE'S A SENIOR LEGAL ANALYST FOR
CNN AND AUTHOR OF THE
BEST-SELLING BOOK "JUST PURSUIT:
A BLACK PROSECUTORS FIGHT FOR
FAIRNESS": LAURA COATES.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> Bill: HI, GUYS.
YOU KNOW WHAT WE ARE GOING TO
TALK ABOUT -- IT HAPPENS ONCE IN
A WHILE THAT THERE IS A NATIONAL
MOMENT, RIGHT?
WHERE THE WHOLE COUNTRY IS
PAYING ATTENTION TO SOMETHING.
IT DOESN'T HAPPEN THAT OFTEN,
VERY OFTEN A TRAGEDY, KENNED
ASSASSINATION OR 9/11, IT COULD
BE THE O.J. VERDICT -- WE JUST
HAD ANOTHER ONE.
[LAUGHTER]
IT EXPOSED I THOUGHT A LOT OF
ASPECTS OF THIS SOCIETY THAT WE
HAVE THAT ARE NOT TERRIBLY
POSITIVE.
TOXIC MASCULINITY, VICTIM
CULTURE, I COULD GO INTO AND I
MIGHT.
LIBERAL HYPOCRISY.
I THINK WAS THE BIG LOSER.
WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN
WILL SMITH GOT A STANDING
OVATION FROM THAT CROWD?
>> I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT, COULD
YOU?
THE IDEA THAT THE FIRST OF
ALL -- I THINK JIM CARREY MADE
THE COMMENT SPINELESS CAME TO
MIND, THERE ARE THE IDEAS THAT
THIS IS WHAT WE ARE SUPPOSED TO
DO, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO STAND WHEN
SOMEBODY WINS AN AWARD, YOU DO
IT AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME AND
THE AMNESIA WAS INSTANTANEOUS.
I THOUGHT FIRST OF ALL WHY IS HE
EVEN THERE TO BE ABLE TO GET THE
AWARD AT THE END OF THE EVENING?
NUMBER 1.
[APPLAUSE]
I REMEMBER AS A PROSECUTOR,
PROSECUTING QUITE A FEW ASSAULT
AND BATTERY AND THEY DIDN'T
STAND BY TO GO I GOT THE REST OF
MY KIDS SOCCER GAME I HAVE TO
STAY FOR THIS, IT HAPPENED.
[LAUGHTER]
THE FACT HE WAS THERE TO BE LIKE
HERE IS MY AWARD WAS SHOCKING
LET ALONE A STANDING OVATION,
DOESN'T HAPPEN.
>> I THINK A LOT OF IT IS JUST
BECAUSE IT WAS WILL SMITH, IF IT
HAD BEEN ANYONE ELSE THEY ARE
USHERED OUT OF THERE VERY
QUICKLY.
I FEEL LIKE IT'S PART OF THE JOB
OF A WORLD-FAMOUS CELEBRITY
ATTENDING AN AWARD SHOW IS TO
ABSORB MILD INSULTS DIRECTED AT
YOU AND YOURS.
I RAN FOR OFFICE AND PEOPLE SAID
THINGS AROUND ME I DIDN'T LIKE
AND I DIDN'T GET UP AND SMACK
ANYONE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> BUT THAT YOU WANT TO?
>> YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, NO ONE
WILL KNOW.
JUST LIKE WE SHOULDN'T KNOW IF
WE'LL WANTED TO.
>> Bill: IT DOES LOOK LIKE
THOSE PEOPLE, THESE ARE THE VERY
PEOPLE WHO ARE ALWAYS TALKING
ABOUT MICRO AGGRESSIONS IN THE
WORKPLACE AND HOW YOU SHOULD NOT
HAVE TO FACE AN UNCOMFORTABLE
MOMENT OR PEOPLE SHOULDN'T TOUCH
YOU UNWANTED -- SUDDENLY THEY
WERE OKAY WITH THIS.
IT SEEMED TO SHOW BROKEN MORALS,
YOU HAVE NO PRINCIPLES.
WHEN IT'S A STAR THAT YOU LIKE
IN THE SERVICE OF SOME INVASIVE
PRINCIPLE OF INTERSECTIONALITY
INTERSECTIONALITY -- YOUR WIFE
SHOULDN'T BE INSULTED EVEN IN A
MILD WAY.
THEN IT'S LIKE TOO BAD.
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE, IT MADE ME
FEEL GOOD, SO I FORGET MY
PRINCIPLES.
>> A PART OF ME IS CONCERNED
THAT WAS THE FIRST MOMENT YOU
REALIZE THERE WAS NO PRINCIPLES
IN HOLLYWOOD.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I KNOW IT'S NOT, BUT THE
THRESHOLD IS HIGH.
>> Bill: I'M JUST SAYING IT
WAS A BAD NIGHT FOR LIBERAL
HYPOCRISY, THEY LOOKED BAD.
HERE'S THE THING, THE OSCARS
WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT,
IT'S NOT FAIR THAT THEY KIND OF
ARE A REPRESENTATION TO A LOT OF
AMERICA OF THE DEMOCRAT PARTY.
YOU TALKED ABOUT I READ YOUR
QUOTE ON THE AIR A COUPLE OF
TIMES WHEN YOU ARE RUNNING FOR
PRESIDENT AND HE WOULD START TO
TALK TO PEOPLE, SOMETIMES IN A
PLACE WHERE THEY DIDN'T KNOW
MUCH ABOUT YOU AND THEY SEEMED
TO LIKE WHAT YOU WERE SAYING AND
THEN YOU WOULD SAY YOU'RE A
DEMOCRAT -- IT'S THE TOXIC D.
WHY IS THE D SO TOXIC?
BECAUSE THEY LOOK AT THE OSCARS
AND IT REPRESENTS PANDERING, IT
REPRESENTS WE ARE NOT CONNECTED
TO EVERYDAY PEOPLE.
EVERY YEAR THE WINNERS, THIS
YEAR IT WAS DISABILITY, GAY, AND
RACE, THERE SHOULD BE MOVIES
MADE ABOUT THESE TOPICS, THEY
ARE IMPORTANT TOPICS BUT IT
LOOKS LIKE THE OSCARS ONLY TO
THOSE TOPICS.
>> I WANT TO GET A SIGH FROM
PEOPLE I WOULD GET A RECOIL,
TURN ANOTHER COLOR!
[LAUGHTER]
A LOT OF IT IS AROUND THE PLACES
I WAS CAMPAIGNING IN IOWA OR
OHIO, THE ASSOCIATE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY WITH THIS KIND
OF INSINCERE MORALIZING THAT
CONDESCENDS TO THEM AND I THINK
WHEN YOU DESCRIBED WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE OSCARS AS EXPOSING HOW
SOME RULES SEEM TO APPLY MORE TO
SOME FIGURES THAN OTHERS, I
THINK THAT'S PART OF THE
FRUSTRATION FROM THE FOLKS THAT
WERE REACTING TO ME WHEN I WAS
ON THE TRAIL.
>> Bill: WHAT DO WE MAKE OF
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH VIOLENCE
AND THE WORD OF VIOLENCE?
IT'S A COMMON WORD AMONG THE
WOKE.
THEY SEEM TO HAVE BROADENED THE
DEFINITION.
SILENCE IS VIOLENCE AND WORDS
CAN BE VIOLENCE, BUT ACTUAL
VIOLENCE?
NOT A BIG DEAL.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
VIOLENCE IS NOT AN ANSWER EXCEPT
WHEN I FUCKING FEEL LIKE IT,
THEN IT'S A GREAT ANSWER.
>> YOUR ASSESSMENT IS PROBABLY
VIOLENT TO THEM RIGHT NOW, THE
IDF TRY TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO
SYNTHESIZE IT ALL AND IT'S TRUE.
TALKING ABOUT CONVENIENT
COMPARTMENTALIZATION, THE IDEA
OF SAYING YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HAVE MY PREFERENCES, I HAVE MY
STANDARDS BUT I WANT TO DO WHAT
I WANT TO DO IN THE END AND I
HAVE TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO WORK
BACKWARDS FROM THE ANSWER THAT I
WANTED AND I'M GOING TO MAKE
EVERYTHING ELSE MAKES SENSE.
YOU SEE THIS IN POLITICS, YOU
SEE THIS WITH ISSUES AROUND
LOBBYING -- THE IDEA OF THINKING
WHY DON'T WE START FROM THE
PLACE LIKE WE DO IN THIS
COUNTRY, A NATION OF LAWS AND
WORK FORWARD WHERE WE HAVE THIS
STANDARD AND WE HAVE AT TIMES OF
PROBLEMATIC COOKIE-CUTTER
APPROACH BUT THE OUTCOME IS
SUPPOSED TO BE YOU ARE TREATED
IN A WAY THAT THE LAWS IT
DICTATES.
IT DOESN'T ALWAYS HAPPEN BUT THE
IDEA THIS HAPPENED ON SUNDAY
THEY WORKED BACKWARDS.
THEY WANT HIM IN THE AUDIENCE TO
RECEIVE THIS PARTICULAR AWARD,
LET'S WORK BACKWARDS TO SEE HOW
THIS CAN MAKE SENSE.
IMAGINE A SO-CALLED SEAT FILLER.
THE AVERAGE PERSON -- IMAGINE
LAURA COATES IN THE SEAT.
I WOULD'VE BEEN WALKED OFF, I'M
SORRY, TIME FOR YOU TO GO HOME,
TO BEL AIR.
I DON'T LIVE IN BEL AIR BUT THE
IDEA OF WORKING BACKWARDS IS
WHAT FRUSTRATES PEOPLE IN
POLITICS, HERE IS THE RESULT WE
WOULD LIKE SO WE ARE GOING TO
MAKE EVERYTHING AND CONTORT
OURSELVES INTO PRETZELS TO MAKE
SENSE, IT'S PROBABLY WHY THEY
WERE RECOILING FROM YOU, WHY
PEOPLE WERE THINKING ABOUT THE
IDEA, I NEED THE WORD VIOLENCE
TO MAKE SENSE FOR WHAT I WANTED
TO TO.
>> Bill: SOMEBODY SHOULD GRAB
THAT WORD SEAT FILLER AND USE IT
POLITICALLY, WE ARE JUST SEAT
FILLERS IN THIS COUNTRY AND THE
ELITISTS DO THIS -- IT'S KIND OF
TRUE.
COUNTRY OF SEAT FILLERS AND
STARS.
[LAUGHTER]
>> THANK YOU STUDIO AUDIENCE!
>> Bill: THESE ARE NOT SEAT
FILLERS.
THESE ARE SEAT STARS.
CAN I ASK ABOUT ALOPECIA?
I MUST ADMIT WHEN I FIRST SAW
THE THING ON TV, I GO TO THE
"VANITY FAIR" PARTY, GREAT
PARTY, I DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT IT
UNTIL THEN.
YOU DON'T KNOW SHE HAD ALOPECIA,
I HAD HEARD THIS WORD BUT IT WAS
VAGUE IN MY MIND WHAT IT WAS.
SO I WENT THAT IS A VERY
DIFFERENT THING.
THEN I FOUND OUT WHAT IT IS AND
THEN I'M LIKE IT'S NOT THAT
DIFFERENT.
[LAUGHTER]
IF YOU ARE SO LUCKY IN LIFE AS
TO HAVE THAT BE YOUR MEDICAL
PROBLEM, JUST SAY THANKS, GOD.
[APPLAUSE]
IT'S NOT LIFE-THREATENING, FOR
MOST PEOPLE, 80% OF MEN, 50% OF
WOMEN, IT'S PART OF AGING.
TRUST ME, I KNOW, IT'S THE
DEGRADATION OF THE FLESH, IT
HAPPENS TO ALL OF US.
JUST PUT ON THE FUCKING WIG LIKE
EVERYBODY ELSE AT THE OSCARS IF
IT BOTHERS YOU SO MUCH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE ALL AS WE AGE, WE LOOKED
WORSE AND YOU DO THINGS TO DEAL
WITH IT AS BEST YOU CAN.
I GOT MY HAIR DID THIS WEEK,
THAT'S MY THING.
MY HAIR --
>> WE'RE GETTING PRETTY PERSONAL
HERE, BILL.
>> Bill: MY HAIR WOULD BE
WHITE AND IT WOULD LOOK WORSE ON
TV AND PEOPLE WOULD THINK I'M
OLDER THAN I ALREADY AM WHICH IS
ALREADY TOO FUCKING OLD FOR
TELEVISION.
I WILL DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO,
EVERYBODY ELSE DOES, TIMOTHEE
CHALAMET WORE A TUXEDO WITH NO
SHIRT BECAUSE HE CAN GET AWAY
WITH IT.
[APPLAUSE]
I WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE JONAH
HILL TRY IT.
WE ALL GOT TO DEAL WITH WHO WE
ARE, AM I WRONG ABOUT THIS?
>> I DON'T KNOW, I WOKE UP LIKE
THIS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
A LITTLE BIT OF CORNSTARCH
HELPS.
I AGREE WITH YOU, WE ALL HAVE TO
DO THE THINGS WE HAVE TO DO TO
BE WHERE WE ARE.
HOWEVER, I CAN IMAGINE AT
ONE POINT JUST THINKING ABOUT
BEING IN HOLLYWOOD AS SHE IS,
THE IDEA OF HOW MUCH WE LOOK AT
WOMEN AS THEY AGE AS OPPOSED TO
BILL MAHER AGING OR ANDREW YANG
AGING, THERE IS A DIFFERENT
STANDARD FOR WOMEN.
BLACK WOMEN IN HOLLYWOOD IN
PARTICULAR ABOUT THE IDEA OF HOW
WE ARE EXPECTED -- I'M SAYING IT
LIKE WE ARE IN HOLLYWOOD BUT IN
D.C. YOU HAVE TO CONFORM TO
CERTAIN ASPECTS OF IT.
THERE'S PROBABLY A PART OF HER
THAT HAS BEEN VERY EMPOWERED BY
BEING VOCAL ABOUT HER ALOPECIA,
I'M OWNING IT, I'M SHAVING MY
HEAD TO.
I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO TAKE
THIS BY THE HORNS AND THERE'S
PROBABLY THOSE QUIET MOMENTS
WHERE HE IS SEEING AND HEARING A
MORE PERSONAL ASPECT OF IT.
EITHER WAY, THE IDEA THAT WE CAN
ALL ASSUME THAT EVERYONE WAS
AWARE OF HER CONDITION AT THE
TIME THE STATEMENT WAS MADE IS
ARROGANCE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: IT'S A CONDITION LIKE
LIFE IS A CONDITION.
YES, SHIT HAPPENS AS YOU GO DOWN
THE PATH OF LIFE OR KILL
PHYSICALLY IT'S NOT ALL GOING TO
BE ROSES.
IT JUST ISN'T.
ON THE SCALE OF WHAT I NEED TO
WORRY ABOUT OR FEEL SORRY ABOUT,
I CAN'T GET THERE.
>> THIS EPISODE DOES REMIND ME
OF OUR POLITICS WHERE WE HAVE
PERSONALIZED NARRATIVES IN THIS
MORALITY PLAY -- WE ALL KNOW WE
HAVE MANY MORE SERIOUS PROBLEMS
TO DEAL WITH THAN WHATEVER
WILL SMITH DID TO CHRIS ROCK ON
SUNDAY.
>> Bill: WHAT A POLITICAL WAY
TO LOOK AT IT, STOP IT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> WHAT I'M SUGGESTING IS WE
KEEP POLITICS THE SAME WAY, WE
TREAT IT LIKE ENTERTAINMENT AND
SPORT, THIS PERSON DID THIS AND
ISN'T THIS PERSON A TERRIBLE
PERSON -- THE REAL PROBLEMS
AROUND US ARE GETTING WORSE AND
WORSE AND YOU CAN FEEL THE ANGER
AND FRUSTRATION RISING.
>> Bill: I KNOW ONE OF YOUR
BIG ISSUES THESE DAYS IS WHAT IS
GOING ON WITH MEN AND BOYS IN
THIS COUNTRY.
IT'S INTERESTING, JUST IN THIS
SPACE LAST WEEK I WAS DOING A
THING AT THE OF THE SHOW ABOUT
ZELENSKYY AND HOW WOMEN IN THIS
COUNTRY ARE SUPERHOT FOR HIM AND
FOR ALL THE TALK ABOUT TOXIC
MASCULINITY WHEN A GUY ACTS IN A
TRADITIONAL MANLY BAD WAY WOMEN
SEEM TO LIKE IT AND RIGHT ON
CUE, WILL SMITH SLAPS A GUY AND
56% OF WOMEN WERE ON TEAM
WILL -- MAYBE THAT HAS CHANGED,
THE DAY AFTER THE OSCARS.
THEY LIKED AT!
THEY LIKED IT.
I WOULD SAY THERE WAS A DISPLAY
OF MANLINESS THAT NIGHT BUT IT
WAS FROM CHRIS ROCK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I TOLD THIS STORY ON TMZ BUT I
WILL TELL IT AGAIN -- AT THE
PARTY I WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE
VERY WELL RESPECTED, I THINK IS
A GREAT PERSON.
CELEBRITY, MEMBER OF THE
AFRICAN AMERICAN COMMUNITY AND I
WON'T SAY WHO IT WAS BUT
SOMEBODY IN THE CROWD IT MAY
HAVE BEEN ME SAID WHAT WOULD'VE
HAPPENED IF CHRIS HAD HIT HIM
BACK?
WITHOUT HAVING TO THINK HE SAID
HE COULDN'T, HE HAD THE WHOLE
RACE ON HIS SHOULDERS.
[APPLAUSE]
I THOUGHT THAT WAS KIND OF A
BRILLIANT ASSESSMENT AND KIND OF
REAL AND SHOWED CHRIS ROCK AS A
GUY WHO CAN THINK ON HIS FEET.
>> IT'S ALSO A REASON WHY I
THINK WHAT WILL SMITH DID IS ALL
THE MORE HOLLYWOOD AND
PROBLEMATIC IN KNOWING CHRIS
ROCK COULDN'T DO ANYTHING BACK.
LET'S PLAY THAT MOMENT BACK IN
OUR MINDS.
YOU'RE GOING TO WALK UP ON
STAGE, NOT STAND THERE AND TELL
ME WHAT THE PROBLEM IS, YOU'RE
GOING TO REALLY SUCKER PUNCH ME
WITH AN OPEN HAND, THEN YOU'RE
GOING TO SCUTTLE BACK TO YOUR
SEATS, AND SHOUT AT ME.
IF IT WAS THE REAL WORLD I CAN'T
IMAGINE HOW IT WOULD ACTUALLY GO
DOWN BUT I THOUGHT HIS RESTRAIN
RESTRAINT.
I GOT TO TELL YOU, I WASN'T PART
OF THAT 56% WHO SAW MANLINESS IN
WHAT WILL SMITH DID TO.
I SEE SEXINESS IN RESTRAINT AND
FORESIGHT, A HUSBAND REALIZING
WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF ME
TAKING THIS ACTION ON OUR ENTIRE
FAMILY >> President Biden:
THAT IS SEXY AND I AM VERY HOT
FOR THAT TO.
THE IDEA OF TRYING TO COME TO MY
DEFENSE AS YOU POINT OUT, HE
ONLY DID SO.
HE LAUGHED AT FIRST UNTIL HE GOT
THAT WIFE LOOK, HAD THE WHOLE
HEAD TO GO THIS WAY AND THIS IS
MY CUE?
I WILL GO UP AND THAT IS NOT
MASCULINE EITHER.
>> Bill: THAT ENCAPSULATES
CANCEL CULTURE BECAUSE THAT'S
WHAT HAPPENS.
PEOPLE LAUGH, THEN THEY GO WAIT
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE OFFENDED,
THEN THE OVERREACT.
ARE MEN IN CRISIS?
WHEN YOU LOOK AT STATISTICS LIKE
MATH, READING, ADMISSION TO
COLLEGE, WOMEN ARE AHEAD OF MEN.
IN 2019 LAST YEAR WE HAVE 14%
MORE WOMEN RECEIVED BACHELOR
DEGREES.
THERE IS THIS IDEA IN AMERICA IF
YOU DON'T GO TO COLLEGE YOU ARE
DOOMED AND MORE AND MORE MEN
AREN'T AND MORE AND MORE WOMEN
ARE.
>> THAT TREND HAS ONLY GOTTEN
WORSE.
MEN WERE ONLY 40% OF COLLEGE
STUDENTS IN THIS LAST YEAR AND
IF YOU THINK ABOUT THAT YOU CAN
SAY PROGRESS.
THEN YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF
WHAT WILL MILLIONS OF MEN
WITHOUT COLLEGE DEGREES DO FOR A
LIVING?
A GENERATION OR TWO AGO AGO YOU
WOULD SAY MAYBE THEY WILL GET A
JOB IN MANUFACTURING.
WE BLASTED AWAY MILLIONS OF
MANUFACTURING JOBS AND THOSE MEN
HAVEN'T FOUND STEADY FOOTING
SINCE.
YOU ARE SEEING THEM FALL INTO
INTERNET RABBIT HOLES AND BECOME
ULTRA RIGHT EXTREMISTS.
THERE IS A STUDY THAT SHOWS A
DIRECT CORRELATION BETWEEN
LOSING YOUR JOB AND BECOMING
UNEMPLOYED AND ADOPTING EXTREME
RIGHT WING BELIEFS.
THIS IS HAVING PROFOUND IMPACT
ON OUR POLITICS ON INDIVIDUALS
AND OUR SOCIETY IN A WAY THAT
TRANSCENDS THIS INDIVIDUAL
SITUATION.
THE CASE I WANT TO MAKE --
>> Bill: YOU SAY WE ARE
CREATING TRUMP VOTERS.
>> WE 100% ARE.
YOU KNOW I'M A DATA GUY AND
UNEMPLOYED MEN VOLUNTEER LESS
THAN EMPLOYED MEN EVEN THOUGH
THEY HAVE MORE TIME ON THEIR
HANDS.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
THEY ARE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES,
GAMBLING, DRINKING MORE, ABUSING
MORE DRUGS.
YOU ARE SEEING THESE SOCIAL ILLS
THAT INCLUDE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE,
CHILD ABUSE, SELF-DESTRUCTION,
THAT IS MANIFESTING IN OUR
POLITICS 100%.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THIS IS WHAT WE CALL
AWARD SEASON OUT HERE.
WE JUST HAD THE OSCARS, WE ARE
GOING TO HAVE THE GRAMMYS ON
SUNDAY.
I NOTICE FROM THE OSCARS AND A
LOT OF THE AWARDS SHOWS
RECENTLY, THERE'S SORT OF A
TWO-TIER SYSTEM.
THE ONES WHO MAKE THE CUT ON TV
AND THE AWARDS THEY GIVE TO
PEOPLE -- YOU WEREN'T GOOD
ENOUGH TO GET ON TV AND THEY
SHOW A LITTLE CLIP OF YOU LIKE
ON THURSDAY WHEN YOU WON YOUR
AWARD IN FRONT OF THREE PEOPLE,
IT'S VERY SAD TO.
THE GRAMMYS DO IT ALSO WHILE SO.
THEY HAVE TOO MANY CATEGORIES,
THESE ARE REAL CATEGORIES THIS
YEAR -- BEST RECORDING PACKAGE.
THEY GIVE AN AWARD TO.
BEST IMPROVISED JAZZ SOLO.
AREN'T THEY ALL?
BEST LINER NOTES, BEST IMMERSIVE
AUDIO ALBUM, THERE ARE OTHER
CATEGORIES EVEN MORE OBSCURE,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR SOME OF
THESE?
THERE IS BEST NEW SONG THAT
MAKES BOOMERS GRUMBLE "IS THAT
EVEN MUSIC?"
IS A CATEGORY.
BEST INDEPENDENT REGGAE CD
HANDED TO YOU AGAINST YOUR WILL.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BEST SPOKEN WORD ALBUM NOT
ENTIRELY ABOUT OBAMA.
IT'S ACTUALLY A CATEGORY.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BEST SKUNK SINGING "CAN'T TOUCH
THIS" IN AN ANIMATED FEATURE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
MOST SELF-RIGHTEOUS FOLK SONG
THAT ALMOST MAKES YOU WANT TO
VOTE FOR TRUMP.
IS AN ACTUAL CATEGORY.
[LAUGHTER]
MOST IRRELEVANT
SINGER-SONGWRITER TO PULL MUSIC
FROM SPOTIFY TO PROTEST JOE
ROGAN.
IT'S A CATEGORY.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BEST DUET WITH AN OLD GUY YOU
ASSUMED WAS DEAD.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
PRODUCER OF THE YEAR,
NON-RAPIST.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BEST COUNTRY SONG THAT STRONGLY
INSINUATES IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH AMERICA YOU CAN RELOCATE
ELSEWHERE.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BEST JAZZ ALBUM FOR DRIVING
STRAGGLERS OUT OF PARTIES.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BEST BOXED OR SPECIAL LIMITED
EDITION PACKAGE OF THE SAME OLD
BEATLES SONGS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SO I HAVE TWO GO LAWYERS HERE,
LET'S TALK ABOUT THE LAW.
MONDAY THE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE
IS GOING TO VOTE ON
JUDGE JACKSON AND I THINK THAT
WILL GO THROUGH THE COMMITTEE.
THEN IT GOES TO THE FULL SENATE
WHERE JOSH HAWLEY AND TED CRUZ
WILL PROVE THERE ARE SUCH THINGS
AS RACIST BABIES.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I JUST WANT TO TALK BROADER
ABOUT HOW LAWYERS IN THIS
COUNTRY NOW ARE COMING UNDER
ATTACK BECAUSE THEY ATTACKED --
I REMEMBER IN THE CAMPAIGN,
KAMALA HARRIS AND AMY KLOBUCHAR
WHEN THEY WERE RUNNING AGAINST
YOU IN THAT RACE, WERE ATTACKED
FOR DOING THEIR JOB AS
PROSECUTORS.
YES, IT'S A TOUGH JOB, YOU HAVE
TO PUT PEOPLE AWAY.
THEN JUDGE JACKSON IS ATTACKED
FOR DEFENDING PEOPLE AT GITMO
BECAUSE HE WAS A PUBLIC
DEFENDER, IT WASN'T EVEN HER
CHOICE.
THE GOVERNMENT ASSIGNS THIS.
WE HAVE A PRINCIPAL IN THIS
COUNTRY, EVERYBODY GETS A
LAWYER!
JOHN ADAMS THE SECOND PRESIDENT
OF THE COUNTRY DEFENDED THE
BRITISH SOLDIERS OF THE BOSTON
MASSACRE, WE GAVE A HEARING AT
NUREMBERG.
USE TO UNDERSTAND THIS, I FEEL
LIKE NOW WE ARE FORGETTING IT.
YOUR THOUGHTS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> I CAN RELATE TO IT ESPECIALLY
BEING A FORMER FEDERAL
PROSECUTOR, PEOPLE WERE THROWING
PARTIES FOR ME WHEN I WALKED
INTO THE COURTROOM BUT I THINK
THERE IS A FUNDAMENTAL
MISCONCEPTION.
WHEN I WOULD STAND UP THERE AND
SAY ON BEHALF OF THE PEOPLE OF
THE UNITED STATES, I KNEW THAT
INCLUDED THE DEFENDANTS.
I KNEW THAT BEFORE TRIAL AND
DURING TRIAL I HAD TO HONOR AND
PROTECT THE RIGHT OF THE
DEFENDANT.
SO TO THE JUDGE.
THE IDEA OF THE SIXTH AMENDMENT,
ALL OF THESE PRINCIPLES ARE
THINGS THAT WE KNOW WE ARE
SUPPOSED TO PROTECT.
IF YOU'RE TELLING ME THE DEFENSE
COUNSEL WHOSE JOB DURING TRIAL
AND BEFORE WHOSE JOB IS TO HONOR
AND PROTECT DURING THOSE RIGHTS
IT'S NOT JUST DEFENSE COUNSEL,
PROSECUTORS AND JUDGES, IT'S THE
ENTIRE CURRENT SUPREME COURT.
WE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE UP THE
CASE INVOLVING BILL COSBY WHO
HAD A SUPREME COURT IN
PENNSYLVANIA SAY YOU HAD TO
HONOR HIS RIGHTS.
I GUESS WE ARE ALL SOFT ON CRIME
WHEN WE ARE PRO-CONSTITUTION.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THAT IS INTERESTING.
>> I THINK WE CAN DISTINGUISH
BETWEEN A PUBLIC DEFENDER WHO
IDEALLY SHOULD BE DOING EVERY
THING IN THEIR POWER TO DEFEND
SOMEONE FROM A PROSECUTOR WHO
DOES HAVE SOME DISCRETION.
YOU CAN TAKE ISSUE WITH SOME OF
THE CHOICES THEY MAKE, IT'S A
VERY POWERFUL POSITION.
TO YOUR BROADER POINT I COULDN'T
AGREE MORE AT THIS POINT AMERICA
IS SO POLARIZED YOU'RE ON A TEAM
THAT IF SOMEONE SAYS THIS RULE
GOES AGAINST YOUR TEEN PEOPLE
WILL BE LIKE NO I DON'T NEED
THAT.
YOU HAVE 42% OF DEMOCRATS AND
REPUBLICANS WHO REGARD THE OTHER
SIDE IS EVIL AND CORRUPT.
IF YOU SAY DEFEATING THE BAD
GUYS MEANS YOU HAVE TO IGNORE
THIS RULE A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE
VERY OPEN TO THAT.
>> Bill: NOT TO MAKE EVERY
THING ABOUT HOLLYWOOD AND THE
OSCARS BUT A HARVARD PROFESSOR
NAMED RONALD SULLIVAN, BRILLIANT
GUY JOINED HARVEY WEINSTEIN'S
DEFENSE TEAM AND HARVARD CAME
AFTER HIM.
AGAIN, YES, HARVEY WEINSTEIN,
BAD GUY -- EVERYBODY GETS A
LAWYER.
>> IT'S IN THE CONSTITUTION,
EVERYONE GETS A LAWYER, BEING
THAT LAWYER SHOULDN'T MEAN YOU
GET ROCKS THROWN AT YOU.
IT MEANS YOU'RE STEPPING UP TO
DO SOMETHING THAT WE ALL WOULD
DESERVE IF WE WERE IN THAT
POSITION.
>> HARVEY WEINSTEIN ALSO KEPT
HIS OSCAR SO KEEP THAT IN MIND
WHEN THEY DECIDE ABOUT
WILL SMITH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: RIGHT, THAT OSCAR IS
FOR LIFE.
EVERYTHING ELSE IS ON THE TABLE
BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAY
SOMEBODY'S OSCAR.
I MENTIONED AT THE BEGINNING, WE
USED TO HAVE IN JOHN ADAMS DAY
DIFFERENT NEWSPAPERS FOR
DIFFERENT PARTIES.
THEY ACTUALLY HAD THEIR OWN
NEWSPAPER, THOMAS JEFFERSON HAD
A NEWSPAPER AND I FEEL LIKE --
>> WE ARE THERE NOW.
>> Bill: HERE IS WHAT BROUGHT
IT HOME TO ME THIS WEEK,
"THE NEW YORK POST" -- I
REMEMBER READING THIS --
"THE NEW YORK POST" CAME
ACROSS -- HOW WE CAME ACROSS WE
NEED TO GET INTO BECAUSE IT IS
RELEVANT -- HUNTER BIDEN'S
COMPUTER WHICH HE LEFT AT A
COMPUTER REPAIR STORE, I DIDN'T
KNOW THEY EXISTED TO.
[LAUGHTER]
AND IF ANYONE SHOULD NOT LEAVE
HIS COMPUTER WITH OTHER PEOPLE
IT WOULD BE HUNTER BIDEN.
JUST FOR THE PERSONAL STUFF.
THAT IT ALSO HAD STUFF ABOUT
HOW -- COME ON, HE'S A NE'ER DO
WELL, I'M BUT YOU ARE.
YOU MADE A LIVING BEING A
NE'ER-DO-WELL WHO WAS TAKING
MONEY JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE THE
VICE PRESIDENT'S SON AND YOU HAD
INFLUENCE, $8 MILLION FROM THE
CHINESE ENERGY COMPANIES TO SIT
ON THE BOARD AND CONSULT.
THAT WAS HIS PASSION IN LIFE.
[LAUGHTER]
ENERGY EXPLORATION.
HOOKER EXPLORATION WAS HIS
PASSION.
[LAUGHTER]
"THE NEW YORK POST" GOT A HOLD
OF WHAT WAS IN THE COMPUTER AND
"THE NEW YORK POST" IS A
REPUBLICAN PAPER.
"THE NEW YORK TIMES" AND
"THE WASHINGTON POST" OF THE
DEMOCRAT PAPER AND THAT'S WHERE
WE ARE AGAIN.
THE REPUBLICAN PAPER -- TWITTER
CANCELED THEIR ACCOUNT.
YOU CAN'T EVEN REPORT ON THIS
STORY AND NOW TO GO YEARS LATER,
"THE NEW YORK TIMES" AND
"WASHINGTON POST" HAVE COME
AROUND TO SAY ALL RIGHT, THERE
WAS SOMETHING THERE.
HOW TO COME TO THEM?
IT CAME TO THEM THROUGH RUDY
GIULIANI AND STEVE BANNON.
WHEN RUDY GIULIANI SAYS I'VE GOT
SOME EVIDENCE YOU TAKE THAT WITH
A GIANT THING OF SALT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT DIDN'T TAKE TO GO YEARS, IT
LOOKS LIKE THE LEFT-WING MEDIA
JUST BURIED THE STORY BECAUSE IT
WASN'T PART OF THEIR NARRATIVE
AND THAT'S WHY PEOPLE DON'T
TRUST THE MEDIA.
>> IF YOU LOOK AT THE TRUST IN
MEDIA, TODAY IT FALLS VERY
SHARPLY ALONG PARTY LINES.
69% OF DEMOCRATS STILL BELIEVE
THAT MEDIA WILL REPORT THE NEWS
OBJECTIVELY, THAT GOES DOWN TO
15% FOR REPUBLICANS.
FOR INDEPENDENTS IT'S AT 36%.
THIS IS PART OF THE EROSION OF
INSTITUTIONAL TRUST WHERE ONE
SIDE FEELS THAT THE MEDIA IS ON
THEIR SIDE.
IT DOES SEEM LIKE THIS HUNTER
BIDEN LAPTOP STORY DID GET
BURIED BECAUSE OF THE TIMING
WORKED OUT IT WAS COMING OUT
DURING THE HEIGHT OF THE
ELECTION IN 2020 AND THEY DID
NOT WANT TO BACK OUT THE
MAINSTREAM.
>> IT CAN ALSO BE ABOUT THE IDEA
OF ONE, THE PRIORITIES OF THE
MEDIA HAS ABOUT WHAT STORIES TO
PUT FORWARD AND IT'S TIED TO
WHAT IS IN THE NATIONAL
ZEITGEIST, OTHER TIMES IT IS
ACCORDING TO WHAT IS ACTUALLY
THERE TO REPORT ON.
WHAT IS THE NEW INFORMATION THAT
IS GOING TO BETTER INFORM THE
POPULATION AND HERE WE ARE IN A
WORLD WHERE NOT ONLY DO WE HAVE
DIFFERENT SLANTS FOR DIFFERENT
MEDIA, BUT YOU HAVE PEOPLE WHO
WANT THESE SILOS, THEY WANT ECHO
CHAMBERS.
WE USED TO SAY THINGS LIKE
PREACHING TO THE CHOIR, NOW IT'S
LIKE WHY ARE YOU PREACHING TO
THE CHOIR?
THAT'S ALL I'M HERE FOR TO
PREACH TO.
YOU HAVE TO BALANCE THE IDEA
THIS IS A CONSUMER DRIVEN
BUSINESS AS TIMES MORE THAN IT
CAN BE AN INFORMATION DRIVEN
BUSINESS.
IT TELLS A LOT ABOUT WHERE WE
ARE.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT USED TO BE AN
ANTIDOTE TO THIS IS LOCAL
NEWSPAPERS BECAUSE THEY TENDED
NOT TO BE VERY PARTISAN.
YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL
SPORTS IN AN IDEOLOGICAL WAY.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT NOW THE LOCAL NEWS BUSINESS
HAS BEEN DEVASTATED, 2,000
PAPERS OUT OF EXISTENCE, IF YOU
WANTED TO RESTORE SOME DEGREE OF
MODERATION AND FAITH IN
DEMOCRACY, YOU WOULD INVEST IN
LOCAL PAPERS AND BRING THEM
BACK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: YOUR BIG ISSUE WAS
GUARANTEED INCOME, WASN'T THAT
WHAT YOU ARE MOST ASSOCIATED
WITH?
>> PEOPLE STILL STOP ME ON THE
STREET AND SAY WHERE IS MY
THOUSAND BUCKS?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND I TOLD HIM THAT'S COMING
COME I'M STILL WORKING ON IT.
>> Bill: LET ME ANSWER THE
QUESTION, ANYBODY LIVE IN WEST
HOLLYWOOD?
NOBODY FROM WEST HOLLYWOOD.
[LAUGHTER]
WEST HOLLYWOOD IS HERE IN L.A.,
I DON'T THINK I'M TALKING OUT OF
SCHOOL, GAY COMMUNITY.
THEY HAVE A PILOT PROGRAM, A
NUMBER OF COMMUNITIES IN THIS
COUNTRY ARE STARTING PUBLIC
PROGRAMS BASED ON THIS IDEA THAT
YOU ARE THE FOREMOST PROPONENT
OF, GUARANTEED INCOME.
WEST HOLLYWOOD WILL PROVIDE 25
RANDOMLY SELECTED PEOPLE TO GET
A THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH OVER
18 MONTHS AND SEE HOW IT GOES.
HERE ARE THE QUALIFICATIONS.
ONE, YOU HAVE TO RESIDE IN WEST
HOLLYWOOD.
YOU HAVE TO BE 50 YEARS OLD OR
OLDER -- I'M NOT SURE WHY THAT
IS.
MAKE A $41,400 OR LESS, AND BE
LGBT.
I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY VERIFY
WHETHER YOU ARE REALLY GAY --
THAT WOULD BE MY FIRST QUESTION.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WHAT DO WE THINK OF HAVING THE
QUALIFICATION TO GET MONEY FROM
THE GOVERNMENT?
>> I TOOK A LOOK AT THIS, IT'S
IN TANDEM WITH A NONPROFIT.
I HAVE A FEELING THERE IS A
PRIVATE DONOR WHO SAID I WANT TO
FUND AN INTERVENTION FOR THIS
POPULATION AND THE LOCAL
GOVERNMENT SAID SURE, IT'S
MOSTLY GOING TO BE PRIVATE
MONEY, IT'S A SMALL PILOT.
I GET THE SENSE IT WAS AN
INDIVIDUAL'S WISH BECAUSE I
DON'T THINK A GOVERNMENT WOULD
HAVE DEVISED THIS ON ITS OWN.
WITH THAT SAID TO COME I DON'T
LIKE THE IDEA OF TAKING
SOMETHING THAT EVERYONE WOULD
WANT LIKE FOR EXAMPLE A THOUSAND
BUCKS A MONTH AND SEPARATING IT
BASED UPON SOME KIND OF
CHARACTERISTIC THAT SOME PEOPLE
SHARE AND SOME PEOPLE DON'T.
>> Bill: WHEN I MOVED TO
LOS ANGELES, THAT'S WHERE I
MOVED FROM ITS WHERE EVERYBODY
MOVED AT FIRST, WEST HOLLYWOOD.
AND I WAS POOR.
I COULD SEE WHY THIS WOULD HAVE
BEEN LIKE -- HOW MY GOING TO GET
THIS MONEY?
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> TELL US MORE ABOUT WHAT WAS
GOING TO COME NEXT.
>> Bill: THAT'S ENOUGH.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU ARE GREAT, TIME FOR NEW
RULES, EVERYBODY, NEW RULES.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: HARRY STYLES NEEDS TO
FIRE HIS STYLIST.
I GET IT, THE WHOLE "I'M
CHALLENGING GENDER NORMS" THING.
BUT THIS LOOK DOESN'T SAY, "MY
IDENTITY IS FLUID," IT SAYS,
"I'M A SERIAL KILLER WHO WEARS
HIS VICTIM'S CLOTHES."
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: ANNIE ROSE, THE
ENGLISH DOG THAT HAS BEEN VOTED
THIS YEAR'S CADBURY EASTER BUNNY
MUST BE HONEST ABOUT THE
REALITIES OF SHOW BUSINESS.
SURE, IT'S A RUSH WHEN YOU TAKE
HOME THE NIGHT'S BIGGEST PRIZE,
BUT THEN THE COCAINE WEARS OFF.
[LAUGHTER]
AND YOU'RE JUST A MOP OF FUR ON
THE FLOOR IN A PAIR OF BUNNY
EARS THINKING WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO WITH ALL THIS CHOCOLATE??
I'M A GODDAMN DOG!"
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: SOMEONE MUST TELL ME
WHAT'S UP WITH THE NEW MAYTAG
REPAIRMAN.
IS HE HUMAN?
IS HE AN ANDROID FROM THE
FUTURE?
DID HE TIME TRAVEL AND KILL THE
PREVIOUS MAYTAG REPAIRMEN?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
IF THAT'S THE DIRECTION THEY'RE
GOING, THEY SHOULD HIRE ARNOLD
SCHWARZENEGGER AS THE MAYTAG
REPAIRMAN.
ARNOLD'S LIVED THIS ROLE -- WE
ALL REMEMBER THE TIME HE PUT A
LOAD IN THE DISHWASHER.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: CHAD KEMPEL, WHO SET A
GUINNESS WORLD RECORD BY
COMPLETING A HALF MARATHON IN 2
HOURS, 19 MINUTES WHILE PUSHING
HIS QUINTUPLETS IN A BABY
STROLLER, MUST NOT COMPLAIN TO
HIS WIFE ABOUT HOW HARD THAT
WAS.
YOU THINK IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE
PUSHING FIVE KIDS 13 MILES?
TRY PUSHING THEM OUT A VAGINA.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: COLIN CRAIG-BROWN, THE
MAN WHO THOUGHT HE'D UNEARTHED
THE WORLD'S LARGEST POTATO UNTIL
DNA TESTS PROVED IT WAS ACTUALLY
THE UNDERGROUND STEM OF A GOURD
AND NOT A POTATO AT ALL -- HAS
TO LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.
FOR ONE VERY BRIEF, SHINING
MOMENT IN TIME, YOU THOUGHT
YOU'D FOUND A BIG POTATO.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
AND FINALLY, NEW RULE.
THE FOX NEWS EDITORS WHO EACH
WEEK HIGHLIGHT ONE THING I SAY
ABOUT THE DEMOCRATS THAT FITS
THEIR NARRATIVE, AND THEN
COMPLETELY IGNORE ALL THE SHIT I
SAY ABOUT REPUBLICANS, MIGHT
WANT TO GO AHEAD AND TURN THE TV
OFF RIGHT NOW.
BECAUSE WE'RE NOW ONLY SEVEN
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MONTHS AWAY FROM MIDTERM
ELECTIONS THAT ARE POISED TO
MAKE THE REPUBLICANS MUCH MORE
POWERFUL, SO ATTENTION MUST BE
PAID TO WHERE THE REPUBLICAN
PARTY IS RIGHT NOW.
YOU'D THINK WITH THE LEFT GOING
A LITTLE LOONY OVER THE PAST FEW
YEARS, REPUBLICANS WOULD HAVE
SEEN AN OPENING TO GRAB THE
SENSIBLE CENTER.
BUT NO.
FORMER REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR OF
OHIO AND ANTI-TRUMPER
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE JOHN
KASICH SAID OF HIS PARTY IN
2019: "SOMETIMES YOU'VE GOT TO
LET THE FEVER BREAK.
AND I THINK WE HAVE A FEVER, AND
IT'S GOING TO HAVE TO BREAK."
BUT IT DIDN'T BREAK.
AND IT'S NOT A FEVER, IT'S MORE
LIKE A TUMOR, AND TUMORS DON'T
JUST GO AWAY, THEY GET WORSE.
NORMAL REPUBLICAN CRAZY, WHERE
YOU JUST SHOOT GUNS AT THINGS
YOU DON'T LIKE IN YOUR CAMPAIGN
[GUNSHOTS]
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ADS DOESN'T EVEN CUT IT ANYMORE.
THE NEW CROP ARE SUCH A BUNCH OF
FOAMING-AT-THE-MOUTH
KRAKEN-RELEASERS THAT CLARENCE
THOMAS WANTS TO MARRY THEM.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I LOOKED BACK AT THE REPUBLICAN
CLASS OF 2010, BECAUSE THAT YEAR
HAS BEEN HELD UP AS AN EXAMPLE
OF REPUBLICAN KOOKINESS GONE
WILD.
REMEMBER CHRISTINE O'DONNELL?
SHE HAD BEEN A FREQUENT GUEST ON
MY OLD SHOW, A VERY SWEET,
SINCERE JESUS FREAK CONSERVATIVE
[LAUGHTER]
WHO THEN RAN FOR THE SENATE, AT
WHICH TIME I PLAYED SOME
HIGHLIGHTS FROM HER APPEARANCES
ON POLITICALLY INCORRECT AND THE
MEDIA SEIZED ON HER STATEMENT
THAT SHE HAD DABBLED IN
WITCHCRAFT AS IF IT WAS THE
CRAZIEST THING A REPUBLICAN
WOULD EVER SAY.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
CONGRESSMAN TODD AKIN AROUND THE
SAME TIME CAUSED A MEDIA
FIRESTORM WHEN HE SAID THAT IN
CASES OF "LEGITIMATE RAPE" "THE
FEMALE BODY HAS WAYS TO TRY TO
SHUT THAT WHOLE THING DOWN," AND
INDIANA SENATE CANDIDATE RICHARD
MURDOCK CONCURRED, SAYING EVEN
WHEN A LIFE BEGAN IN RAPE, IT
WAS SOMETHING GOD INTENDED TO
HAPPEN.
BOTH HAD TO GO AWAY, BUT IF A
REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN SAID THE
SAME THING TODAY, WOULD THEY
HAVE TO?
I DOUBT IT, SINCE NOW WHAT THEY
SAID IS LITERALLY THE PARTY'S
ACTIVE LEGISLATIVE AGENDA IN
MULTIPLE STATES.
AND I USED TO THINK RICK
SANTORUM WAS WEIRD FOR WEARING A
SWEATER VEST.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IN 2009, IT WAS A BIG DEAL WHEN
CONGRESSMAN JOE WILSON YELLED
OUT "YOU LIE!"
DURING OBAMA'S STATE OF THE
UNION ADDRESS, BUT THIS YEAR,
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE AND
LAUREN BOEBERT REPEATEDLY
INTERRUPTED BIDEN AT HIS STATE
OF THE UNION -- LOOK AT THEM.
EXCUSE ME, KAREN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE PRESIDENT IS TALKING.
IT'S NOT A BLACK KID YOU CAUGHT
TRYING TO USE THE POOL.
[APPLAUSE]
NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE ANOTHER
SKINNY MARGARITA, AND IF YOU
DON'T SIT DOWN THIS FLIGHT IS
NEVER GETTING TO ORLANDO.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
FOR ALL OF YOU WHO GET
FRUSTRATED BECAUSE MANCHIN AND
SINEMA DON'T VOTE LIKE TRUE
LIBERALS -- BECAUSE THEY NEVER
WERE -- OR THINK TRUMP IS AS BAD
AS IT'S GOING TO GET, REMEMBER
THE FIRST RULE OF MODERN
REPUBLICAN POLITICS: THEY ALWAYS
GO LOWER.
BECAUSE THIS PARTY HAS NO
BOTTOM, UNLESS YOU COUNT LINDSEY
GRAHAM.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE KOOKY REPUBLICANS OF THE
2010 ERA WOULDN'T EVEN MAKE THE
CUT TODAY FOR EXTREMISM.
AND THE ONES TODAY AREN'T EVEN
AS BAD AS THE ONES IN THE WINGS
-- WAIT "TIL YOU SEE THE
INCOMING GROUP OF FACEBOOK
UNCLES, CRAZY KARENS, AND
SUBMENTAL SHITPOSTERS.
COMING UP.
HERSCHEL WALKER, SENATE
CANDIDATE IN GEORGIA, WHO FREELY
ADMITS HE HAS A DOZEN
PERSONALITIES, NONE WHO YOU'D
WANT TO SIT NEXT TO AT A
WEDDING, RECENTLY CAME OUT
AGAINST EVOLUTION, SAYING,
SCIENCE SAID MAN CAME FROM APES.
IF THAT'S TRUE, WHY ARE THERE
STILL APES?
THINK ABOUT IT."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU FIRST.
AND ALSO THINK ABOUT THIS: IF
HONEY NUT CHEERIOS CAME FROM
CHEERIOS, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE
CHEERIOS?
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THINK ABOUT IT.
ALASKA SENATE CANDIDATE KELLY
TSHIBAKA SPEAKS IN TONGUES --
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS JABBERING
SENSELESSLY.
THIS IS HER, TAKE A LISTEN.
[GIBBERISH]
[LAUGHTER]
PATHETIC -- LIKE THE PEOPLE OF
ALASKA WOULD EVER VOTE FOR SOME
DIM-WITTED RELIGIOUS NUT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEVADA STATE TREASURER CANDIDATE
MICHELLE FIORE IS CALLED "LADY
TRUMP," AND HAS SOME INTERESTING
POLICY IDEAS, LIKE, QUOTE,
ARMING "YOUNG, HOT LITTLE GIRLS
ON CAMPUS" SO THEY CAN KILL
RAPISTS.
MAYBE THEY CAN START A SORORITY:
DELTA BUSTA KAPPA.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ON THE TOPIC OF SYRIAN REFUGEES
MICHELLE FIORE SAID "I'M ABOUT
TO FLY TO PARIS AND SHOOT 'EM IN
THE HEAD MYSELF. I'M OKAY WITH
PUTTING THEM DOWN, BLACKING THEM
OUT AND ENDING THEIR MISERABLE
LIFE."
WHAT WAS BUSH'S CATCHPHRASE?
"COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATIVE"?
FORMER MISSOURI REPUBLICAN
GOVERNOR AND NOW SENATE
SOCIOPATH WHOSE EX-WIFE SAYS HE
BEAT HER AND THE KIDS, AND WHO
RESIGNED THE GOVERNORSHIP AFTER
BEING CHARGED WITH TYING UP A
WOMAN HE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR
WITH IN HIS BASEMENT, TAKING
NUDE PICTURES OF HER, AND
THREATENING TO BLACKMAIL HER IF
SHE TOLD ANYONE.
AS GOVERNORS DO.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND LOOK AT THESE TWO
NEANDERTHALS, ALMOST COMING TO
BLOWS DURING A "DEBATE" THIS
MONTH IN OHIO.
AND THEY'RE BOTH REPUBLICANS!
IT WAS SO OVER THE TOP THE CROWD
FILED OUT IN DISGUST.
I'M JOKING, OF COURSE.
THEY COULDN'T HAVE EATEN IT UP
MORE IF IT WERE DEEP FRIED.
[LAUGHTER]
AND MY FAVORITE, THE REPUBLICAN
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
RUNNING AGAINST AOC IN THE BRONX
IS TINA FORTE, A SELF-DESCRIBED
"VIRAL POLITICAL INFLUENCER"
WHO'S HAPPY TO SELL YOU A
T-SHIRT THAT SAYS "I COULD SHIT
A BETTER PRESIDENT" WHEN SHE'S
[LAUGHTER]
NOT BUSY "CAMPAIGNING" ON HER
WAY TO THE GYM:
>> IF YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO
DEBATE ME WE CAN DO IT ON
FUCKIN' PAY-PER-VIEW, BITCH.
HUH?
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT,
MOTHERFUCKER?
FUCK OUTTA HERE!
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: WHAT ARE THEY SERVING
AT THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION
THESE DAYS, BATH SALTS?
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IF THE GOP STILL HAD A PLATFORM
-- WHICH THEY DON'T, BUT IF THEY
DID -- IT WOULD BE "FUCK YOU."
YOU THINK THE REPUBLICANS OF
2010 WERE KOOKS?
THIS CROWD LOOKS AT THOSE PEOPLE
LIKE, "PLEASE, THEY'VE NEVER
EVEN MASTURBATED ON A SUBWAY."
OKAY, THAT'S OUR SHOW.
I'LL BE AT MURAT THEATRE IN
INDIANAPOLIS, JUNE 5TH, AT THE
SOARING EAGLE CASINO IN MT.
PLEASANT, MICHIGAN, JUNE 18TH,
AND AT THE NEW JERSEY PERFORMING
ARTS CENTER IN NEWARK, JULY 8TH.
I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS ANDREW
YANG, LAURA COATES, AND NICOLE
PERLROTH.
WE GO TO OVERTIME NOW -- AND
THEN YOUTUBE, AND JOIN US ON
OVERTIME.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪