♪ ♪
>> START THE CLOCK.
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, PEOPLE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I APPRECIATE THAT.
PLEASE, IT'S OUR LAST SHOW!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I'M A LITTLE VERKLEMPT.
I WILL MISS SEEING HALF YOUR
FACES EVERY WEEK AND THE ROAR OF
MULMUFFLED LAUGHTER.
WHEN I GET BACK THE ONLY MASKED
PEOPLE SHOULD BE AT AN EYES WIDE
SHUT PARTY.
THIS IS WHEN WE TAKE OUR BREAK,
IT'S THANKSGIVING THURSDAY.
IT'S ACTUALLY A HUGE
ANNIVERSARY, 400 YEARS.
THE FIRST ONE WAS 1621, DID YOU
KNOW THAT?
I KNOW, WHY WASN'T THAT A BIGGER
STORY?
BECAUSE IT'S BAD NOW?
IT'S COMMEMORATING THE FIRST
TIME THAT THE SETTLERS AND THE
INDIANS SHARED A MEAL.
OF COURSE THAT'S THE WHITE
VERSION OF THE STORY, THE
INDIANS REMEMBERED AT THE TIME
THAT SOME UNDOCUMENTED IN
IMMIGRANTS...
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
ARRIVED UNINVITED AND HAD ANCHOR
BABIES.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT.
WE KNOW YOU ARE GOOD PEOPLE WHO
ARE ON THE SIDE OF THE INDIANS.
LEAVE THAT SHIT AT THE DOOR,
SHALL WE?
SPEAKING OF LIBERALS,
THANKSGIVING, A REMINDER TO ALL
OF MY LIBERAL FRIENDS REMEMBER
TO ALLOW ENOUGH TIME TO THAW OUT
THE BABY.
[LAUGHTER]
BECAUSE THEY EAT BABIES,
ACCORDING TO QANON.
IF YOU'RE TRAVELING, GOOD
FUCKING LUCK.
THERE'S A FIGHT NOW EVERY THREE
DAYS ON AIRPLANES.
I WAS TRAVELING LAST WEEKEND, AT
THE GATE ANNOUNCEMENT THE GUY
WAS SAYING NOW BOARDING
WELTERWEIGHT TO MIDDLEWEIGHT.
MEMBERS OF THE ARMED FORCES WITH
PTSD AND FAMILIES BEATING SMALL
CHILDREN, IT WAS RIDICULOUS.
WE ARE BACK ON JANUARY 21ST.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
ARE YOU APPLAUDING THE TWO
MONTHS WE ARE OFF OR THAT WE ARE
COMING BACK?
[LAUGHTER]
I'M GOING TO NEED ALL OF THAT
TIME TO GET THROUGH THE NEW
TAYLOR SWIFT SONG.
[LAUGHTER]
ALL OF AMERICA SEEMS TO BE
TALKING ABOUT IT.
I DON'T FOLLOW HER AS CLOSELY AS
I SHOULD.
I REMEMBER SHE WENT OUT WITH
JAKE GYLLENHAAL, LIKE TEN YEARS
AGO, NOW SHE HAS THIS TEN MINUTE
SONG ABOUT HOW HE DID HER WRONG
AND I'M LIKE YOU DID IT AGAIN?
[LAUGHTER]
WOW, I THOUGHT REPUBLICANS WERE
STUCK IN THE PAST.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
YOU CAN'T DENY HER POPULARITY,
IT IS SHOOTING UP THE CHARTS
WITH A BULLET, THE SAME ONE JAKE
GYLLENHAAL DODGED.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
SHE'S VERY UPSET ABOUT THE NINE
YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE THAT THEY
HAD.
REALLY?
HE WAS OLD ENOUGH TO BE HER
FATHER'S STEPSON FROM ANOTHER
MARRIAGE.
YOU KIDS DO A LOT WEIRDER SHIT
THAN THAT.
HOW ABOUT SHAKE IT OFF?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THE BIG NEWS TODAY I'M A SERIOUS
NEWS, THE VERDICT IN THE KYLE
RITTENHOUSE TRIAL HAS COME IN,
INNOCENT.
IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE STORY, HE
IS A TEENAGER FROM ILLINOIS WHO
TRAVELED TO WISCONSIN BECAUSE
LIKE ALL TEENAGE BOYS, HE
WATCHES TOO MANY COMIC BOOK
MOVIES AND THINKS HE CAN BE THE
AVENGER WHICH IS A BAD
COMBINATION WITH GUNS.
TODAY MATT GAETZ SAID HE WAS
INNOCENT, HE WOULD LIKE TO HIRE
HIM AS AN INTERN.
[LAUGHTER]
HE SAID HE HADN'T BEEN FOLLOWING
THE STORY TOO CLOSELY BUT HE
HEARD ACROSS STATE LINES AND
TEENAGER.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE PRESIDENT HAD A BIG WEEK,
JOE BIDEN HAD A THREE HOUR LONG
TELECONFERENCE WITH XI JINPING,
OF CHINA.
I'M NOT SURE AFTER THREE HOURS
HE WAS FULLY ENGAGED.
REPORTERS ASKED HOW IT WENT AND
HE SAID "A BORING "SQUID GAME"
IS OVERRATED."
[LAUGHTER]
BUT HE GOT HIS BIG WISH, HE
SIGNED THE BIG INFRASTRUCTURE
BILL, YES.
THIS WEEK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S NICE TO SEE -- WE ARE KIND
OF BACK TO NORMAL IN THE SENSE
THAT WE HAVE AN INFRASTRUCTURE
BILL THAT WAS IMPORTANT AND NOW
THE PRESIDENT IS DOING WHAT
PRESIDENTS ALWAYS DO, GOING ON
THE ROAD TO SELL THE THING,
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO, SELL THE
PEOPLE ON IT.
UP FIRST STOP HE IS GOING RIGHT
AFTER THE SIGNING, ONE OF THE
MOST STRUCTURALLY DEFICIENT
BRIDGES IN AMERICA IN THE TOWN
OF WOODSTOCK NEW HAMPSHIRE.
IT WAS A LITTLE DANGEROUS
BECAUSE THIS THING HAS BEEN
AROUND FOR ALMOST A CENTURY AND
COULD COLLAPSE AT ANY TIME.
THE BRIDGE IS IN BAD SHAPE TOO.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW,
CHRIS CHRISTIE AND ERIC ADAMS
ARE HERE.
BUT FIRST, HIS NEW SPECIAL
"CHINA'S IRON FIST" PREMIERES
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 21ST AT 9:00PM
ON CNN AND CNN INTERNATIONAL,
AND HE'S THE AUTHOR OF "TEN
LESSONS FOR A POST-PANDEMIC
WORLD": FAREED ZAKARIA.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HELLO, I THINK WE CAN SHAKE
HANDS.
>> I LIKE THIS BECAUSE IT COMES
FROM INDIA WHERE I'M FROM.
>> Bill: I LIKED IT BECAUSE I
WAS NEVER INTO SHAKING HANDS.
I LOVE YOU, I DON'T WANT TO
TOUCH YOU, IT'S NOT IN MY THING,
THAT DOESN'T ADD ANYTHING TO OUR
RELATIONSHIP.
NOW THAT WE'VE MISSED IT FOR A
YEAR, I KIND OF LIKE IT AGAIN
BECAUSE PEOPLE DO NEED THAT
HUMAN TOUCH.
>> ONE OF THE THINGS WE'VE ALL
REALIZED IS WE CAN GET BY BY
OURSELVES AND THERE'S LOTS OF
GREAT THINGS ABOUT BEING ABLE TO
CUT BACK, ARISTOTLE WROTE THIS
3,000 YEARS AGO, MAN IS A SOCIAL
BEING.
WE LIKE TO SHARE IDEAS AND
CELEBRATE TOGETHER, MOURN
TOGETHER, WE DO ALL THIS STUFF
TOGETHER AND IT'S GREAT WE ARE
ABLE TO DO IT TOGETHER AGAIN.
>> Bill: TIME WITH YOU ALWAYS
GOES WAY TOO FAST, WE ARE GOING
TO GET RIGHT TO THE THINGS WE
WANT TO PLUG.
YOU ARE ONE OF OUR FAVORITE
GUESTS.
YOU HAVE A BOOK, YOU HAVE A TV
SHOW, LET'S DO THE TV SHOW
FIRST.
IT'S ABOUT CHINA, CHINA'S IRON
FIST.
I'VE BEEN HEARING FOR A VERY
LONG TIME WHO IS GOING TO OWN
THE 21ST CENTURY.
YOU'VE COVERED CHINA A LOT BUT
NOW THAT YOU'VE LOOKED AT THEM
AGAIN, WHAT'S THE SHORT ANSWER
ON THAT?
>> THIS IS THE MOST SERIOUS
COMPETITION THE UNITED STATES
HAS EVER FACED.
>> Bill: EVER?
>> IN A SENSE BECAUSE IT'S RIGHT
UP OUR ALLEY.
THEY ARE GOOD AT TECHNOLOGY.
THEY DON'T HAVE A SCREWED UP
ECONOMIC SYSTEM, THEY BASICALLY
COPIED LARGE PARTS OF THE
CAPITALIST SYSTEM.
THEY WORKED REALLY HARD TO.
>> Bill: THE SOVIET UNION WAS
NOT THAT HARD TO DEFEAT.
>> IT WAS BASICALLY A BASKET
CASE ECONOMY BY THE 70s, ALL
THEY COULD DO BUILD MISSILES NOT
PARTICULARLY WELL, WHEREAS THE
CHINESE ARE DOING AI, THEY ARE
DOING QUANTUM COMPUTING,
BIOTECH, THEY ARE GOING TO
DOMINATE ELECTRIC CARS,
HIGH-SPEED RAIL.
THIS IS THE INDUSTRY OF THE
FUTURE.
THAT MAKES ME FEEL WE'VE GOT TO
TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.
AT THE END OF THE DAY, I'M AN
IMMIGRANT, I THINK THIS COUNTRY
IS AMAZING.
I THINK THE OPENNESS, THE
INNOVATION -- WE GOT VERY
WORRIED ABOUT JAPAN IN THE
1980s, WE ARE BOTH OLD ENOUGH
TO REMEMBER THAT AND EVERYONE
THOUGHT OH, MY GOD THE JAPANESE
ARE GOING TO TAKE OVER THE
WORLD.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THEY DIDN'T.
WE INVENTED THE INTERNET, WE
INVENTED THE INFORMATION
REVOLUTION, HAPPENED IN AMERICA.
I DO THINK THERE IS AN ENORMOUS
ADVANTAGE WE HAVE.
BUT WE KIND OF GOT THE HUSTLE,
WE GOT TO WORK HARD, AND WE GOT
TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.
>> Bill: I MUST SAY I DO NOT
SHARE YOUR OPTIMISM.
HIM REALLY, I THINK WE ARE GOING
TO LOSE.
LOOK WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
THEIR BUILDING ALL OVER THE
WORLD, WE ARE THRILLED WE HAVE
THIS INFRASTRUCTURE DEAL AT
HOME, RIGHT?
IT TOOK US HOW LONG?
CAN WE EVEN PULL IT OFF?
WE COULDN'T BUILD A RAIL IN
CALIFORNIA FROM BAKERSFIELD TO
MERCED.
>> EVERYTHING TAKES TEN TIMES AS
LONG.
>> Bill: THEY BUILT 500 CITIES
IN 40 YEARS, THEY ARE PUTTING IN
THE INFRASTRUCTURE FOR THE WHOLE
WORLD.
AND THEY ARE AN AUTHORITARIAN
GOVERNMENT WHICH IS NOT WHAT WE
WANT -- PROBABLY WHAT WE WILL
GET IN FIVE YEARS.
BUT THEY CAN MAKE THINGS HAPPEN
WHEREAS WE ARE LAZY, WE ARE
SPOILED, WE ARE UNEDUCATED, WE
ARE NOT IN GOOD HEALTH, I'M
SORRY -- ICS, IT'S NOT THE WORST
THING IN THE WORLD.
WHY CAN'T WE BE LIKE
GREAT BRITAIN?
THEY WERE THE BIG SWINGING DICK
FOR A LONG TIME AND IT'S LIKE
OKAY WE WILL BE NUMBER 2.
>> I'LL PUSH BACK.
IF YOU LOOK AT THE GREATEST
TECHNOLOGIES IN THE WORLD, THE
U.S. STILL DOMINATES AND THINK
ABOUT --
>> Bill: 5G?
>> WE STILL DO REALLY WELL, THEY
HAVE ONE COMPANY THAT HAS
MANAGED TO DO IT I'M ESSENTIALLY
MORE CHEAPLY THAN WE DO.
>> Bill: AI?
>> WE ARE DOING VERY WELL.
THEY ARE A PEER COMPETITOR BUT
PART OF OUR CHALLENGE I THINK IS
WE'VE GOT A LOT OF GOOD STUFF
OUT THERE, THE BEST UNIVERSITIES
IN THE WORLD ARE STILL IN THE
UNITED STATES, THE BEST RESEARCH
IS STILL DONE IN THE
UNITED STATES.
WE ARE DEMOGRAPHICALLY GROWING,
THEY ARE GOING TO BE
DEMOGRAPHICALLY SHRINKING
BECAUSE OF THE ONE CHILD POLICY.
WE NEED TO RUN FAST, BUT WE
SHOULDN'T RUN SCARED.
WE HAVE ENORMOUS ADVANTAGES.
LOOK AT THE GEOPOLITICS OF THIS.
AS THEY ARISE, THEY ARE PISSING
OFF INDIA, JAPAN, SOUTH KOREA,
VIETNAM, AUSTRALIA, THEY GOT ALL
THESE NEIGHBORS GANGING UP ON
THEM.
OF THE UNITED STATES HAS 59
TREATY ALLIES IN THE WORLD,
CHINA HAS ONE, NORTH KOREA.
AS I SAID, WE SHOULD RUN FAST
BUT WE SHOULDN'T RUN SCARED.
>> Bill: YOUR SPECIAL IS
CALLED A CHINA'S IRON FIST AND
I'M SURE PEOPLE OBJECT TO THAT
BECAUSE IT'S "RACIST."
THERE'S THAT VIEW THAT JUST
SAYING ANYTHING BAD ABOUT
CHINA -- WHICH IS CRAZY, WHEN
PEOPLE SAY WELL, IT DOES STUFF
EVER REALLY AFFECT US?
IT DOES, STUFF LIKE THAT.
YOU CAN'T CRITICIZE CHINA?
CHINA DOES A LOT OF BAD THINGS,
A LOT OF BAD THINGS.
SPEAK OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PART
OF THE WOKE STUFF BECAUSE YOU'VE
BEEN ON THIS FOR A LONG TIME ISE
UNDERMINING ONE OF THE GREATEST.
ONE THING WE DOMINATE IN THE
WORLD, ITS COLLEGE EDUCATION.
OUR COLLEGES AND RESEARCH
UNIVERSITIES, THESE ARE THE BEST
IN THE WORLD.
WHY?
BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN FOCUSED ON
QUALITY, ON MERIT, ON EDUCATION.
THE MORE YOU TURN IT INTO
THIS -- ANY OBJECTION OR ANY
SPECIFIC THING BUT THE WHOLE
FOCUS IS ON THE WRONG THING.
WE SHOULD BE FIGURING OUT -- MT
SHOULD NOT BE WORRYING ABOUT
WHETHER OR NOT THE PROFESSOR CAN
SAY THIS OR THAT OR THE OTHER,
THEY SHOULD BE FIGURING OUT HOW
TO WIN THE ARTIFICIAL
INTELLIGENCE COMPETITION.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: WE ARE GOING TO TALK
ABOUT I HOPE, ERIC ADAMS IS
HERE, A BIG CONTROVERSY IN
NEW YORK ABOUT GIFTED PROGRAMS
FOR STUDENTS, I DON'T THINK
CHINA WOULD EVER DEBATE THAT,
WHETHER YOU WANT TO ADVANCE HER
MOST GIFTED PEOPLE.
>> ONE OF THE REASONS WHY WE
HAVE DONE AS WELL AS WE HAVE,
THE BEST IN AMERICA, THE BEST
TECH COMPANIES, THEY ARE WORKING
HARD, THEY ARE HUSTLING.
YOU DON'T NEED ALL OF SOCIETY TO
DO IT BUT YOU'VE GOT TO SUPPORT
THE TALENTED PEOPLE, GOT TO
SUPPORT THE PEOPLE WORKING HARD
TO BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE PEOPLE
WHO ARE GOING TO TAKE YOU TO THE
CUTTING EDGE, AND IF YOU MODEL
IT ALL UP BY SAYING THERE IS NO
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ALL OF US, WE
CAN ALL BE COMPUTER SCIENCE
GENIUSES, NO WE CAN'T.
I CAN'T.
>> Bill: LET ME ASK YOU ABOUT
THE OTHER THING WE ARE GOING TO
TALK ABOUT, ABOUT THE PANDEMIC
OUT IN PAPERBACK NOW?
WE ARE IN A DIFFERENT PHASE.
PANDEMIC -- SHOULD WE SAY WE ARE
AT ENDEMIC, LIKE THE FLU, IT
WILL ALWAYS BE AROUND?
SHOULD BIDEN PUT OUT A NEW
POLICY THAT'S LIKE -- I THINK HE
COULD ON THIS GROUND SOMEWHERE
BETWEEN THE REPUBLICANS WHO
SOMETIMES SEEM TOO IRRESPONSIBLE
AND THE DEMOCRATS WHO SEEM TOO
CAUTIOUS.
>> I THINK YOU'RE EXACTLY RIGHT.
FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE VACCINATED,
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT'S CLOSER
TO AN ENDEMIC PROBLEM THAN A
PANDEMIC.
IT'S WORSE THAN A FLUKE, IF YOU
GET IT --
>> Bill: OR NOT, IT DEPENDS ON
WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOUR
PROFILE IS.
>> WHAT YOU REALLY HAVE IS A
PANDEMIC OF THE UNVACCINATED.
IF YOU ARE UNVACCINATED YOU HAVE
A 12 TIME HIGHER CHANCE OF DYING
FROM COVID.
IF YOU ARE VACCINATED, THE RISK
OF GETTING COVID ARE GETTING
SERIOUSLY ILL IS PROBABLY THE
SAME AS THE RISK OF DRIVING ON
AN AMERICAN HIGHWAY.
A RISK THAT YOU SHOULD BE
PERSONALLY ALLOWED TO MONITOR
AND DEAL WITH, I DON'T THINK
THERE SHOULD BE MANDATES ABOUT
THINGS ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.
I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD GET TO THE
POINT WHERE ONCE YOU ARE
VACCINATED AND HAVE YOUR BOOSTER
SHOTS, YOU GET TO DECIDE WHAT
LEVEL OF RISK YOU WANT TO DEAL
WITH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THANK YOU, YES.
WE NOT ONLY HAVE A VACCINE NOW,
WE HAVE A PILL.
THE GOVERNMENT TODAY BOUGHT
15 MILLION DOSES OF THE PILL.
>> THAT IS GOING TO BE A
GAME CHANGER.
>> Bill: IF YOU HAVE MONEY.
THE LAST THING I READ ABOUT IT
IS THE PILL COST $17 TO MAKE AND
THEY ARE GOING TO CHARGE 7112.
WHEN PEOPLE SAY WHY ARE YOU SO
SKEPTICAL ABOUT -- I CAN GIVE
YOU TEN REASONS, BUT THAT'S
CERTAINLY IS ONE.
THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY A BIG
COTTAGE INDUSTRY NOW THAT HAS
GROWN UP AROUND PEOPLE WHO ARE
TESTED -- I STILL GET TESTED, I
GOT TESTED, I HAD THE DISEASE.
I COULDN'T SMELL ONE NIGHT I WAS
IN BED, I FARTED AND I'M LIKE
I'M BACK.
[LAUGHTER]
WHY MY TESTED STILL?
IT'S SILLY.
>> THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN PMI BUT
I APPRECIATE IT.
[LAUGHTER]
I THINK THE BASIC THING WE
REALIZES WE CAN'T DO IT WE DID
FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS, IF THERE
IS GOING TO BE ANOTHER PANDEMIC
IN THE WORLD, EVEN THE
UNITED STATES DOESN'T HAVE THE
MONEY TO TELL EVERYONE TO STAY
AT HOME FOR A YEAR AND A HALF
AND THEN PRINT A $6 TRILLION.
>> Bill: WE DIDN'T HAVE THE
MONEY THEN AND WE DID AT!
>> WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO GET
MORE SENSIBLE ABOUT HOW YOU LIVE
THROUGH ONE OF THESE THINGS
INTELLIGENTLY RATHER THAN SAYING
LIGHTS OUT, CLOSE DOWN THE WHOLE
ECONOMY AND LETS PRINT
$10 TRILLION.
>> Bill: IT'S GREAT TO SEE
YOU, GREAT TO SHAKE YOUR HAND
AND I HOPE WE DO MORE OF THAT IN
THE FUTURE -- THAT CAME OUT
WRONG!
FAREED ZAKARIA!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LET'S MEET OUR PANEL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
HE'S THE FORMER NEW JERSEY
GOVERNOR AND AUTHOR OF THE NEW
BOOK "REPUBLICAN RESCUE: SAVING
THE PARTY FROM TRUTH DENIERS,
CONSPIRACY THEORISTS, AND THE
DANGEROUS POLICIES OF JOE
BIDEN": CHRIS CHRISTIE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HE'S A RETIRED POLICE OFFICER
AND THE NEW MAYOR-ELECT OF NEW
YORK CITY:
ERIC ADAMS IS OVER HERE!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BEFORE I GET TO THE ISSUES,
ERIC, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING FOR
ME?
>> [LAUGHTER]
, NO WRAPPING PAPER.
>> Bill: I SAW YOU GIVE POT TO
STEPHEN COLBERT, WHAT ARE YOU
GIVING IT TO HIM FOR?
HE'S A SQUARE, I'M SOMEONE WHO
WILL USE IT.
SOMETHING BAD I THINK HAPPENED
IN THIS COUNTRY TODAY, I THINK
VIGILANTES GOT A SINGLE YOU CAN
GO OUT AND DO WHATEVER YOU WANT
WHICH I DON'T THINK IS GOING TO
BE GOOD BUT FOR A TALK SHOW HOST
WAS ABOUT TO GO ON VACATION ON A
DEBATE SHOW, THIS IS A DREAM.
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS READ BOTH OF
YOUR STATEMENTS TODAY AND WE ARE
OFF TO THE RACES.
MISSES YOU -- THIS DECISION IS
AN INDICTMENT OF IRRESPONSIBLE
LAWS THAT MAKE OUR SOCIETY FAR
MORE VIOLENT AND UNSAFE UNDER
THE GUISE OF PERSONAL FREEDOM
AND SO-CALLED SELF-DEFENSE.
[APPLAUSE]
CHRIS CHRISTIE SAYS JUSTICE WAS
DONE IN THE RITTENHOUSE VERDICT.
IT RENEWS OUR FAITH IN THE JURY
SYSTEM.
[BOOS]
>> I THINK THE REAL CRISIS HERE
THAT WE ARE MISSING IN
BROWNSVILLE, A 17-YEAR-OLD CAN
GET AN ASSAULT RIFLE, FASTER
THAN HE COULD GET A COMPUTER.
THIS 17 YEAR OLD, IT WAS ILLEGAL
FOR HIM TO PURCHASE THE RIFLE,
BUT IT WAS LEGAL FOR HIM TO
CARRY IT ACROSS STATE LINES,
GOING INTO A COMMUNITY, LOOKING
FOR PEOPLE THAT HE WANTED TO
SHOOT OR IN SOME WAY DISRUPT.
THAT IS A CRISIS.
WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OUR
CHILDREN?
THAT YOU HAVE ACCESS --
>> Bill: LEGAL FOR HIM TO
CARRY IT?
THAT'S AS CRAZY AS WHERE YOUR
MASK WHEN YOU WALK INTO THE
RESTAURANT AND TAKE IT OFF WHEN
YOU EAT.
IT'S CRAZY.
>> IT REALLY IS.
>> I DON'T THINK OUR TWO
STATEMENTS ARE NECESSARILY AS
DIFFERENT AS YOU THINK.
>> Bill: WHAT?
>> WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT WAS
I LOOK ADDED AS A PROSECUTOR.
THE LAWS ARE WHAT THEY ARE, YOU
DON'T GET TO CHANGE THE LAWS AND
IN THE END, THE EVIDENCE THEY
HAD DID NOT PROVE WHAT THEY
NEEDED TO PROVE BEYOND A
REASONABLE DOUBT.
IF YOU HAVE AN OBJECTION TO THE
LAWS AND I THINK THAT'S WHAT
ERIC WAS TALKING ABOUT, THEN
CHANGE THE LAWS.
BUT DON'T BRING A CASE YOU CAN'T
PROVE IT BEYOND A REASONABLE
DOUBT THEIR GUILT >> Bill:
YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT FROM A
VERY --
>> THAT'S WHAT MY STATEMENT WAS.
>> Bill: LET'S PULL BACK TO
30,000 FEET NOW.
WHAT ABOUT THE REPERCUSSIONS OF
THIS?
WHAT ABOUT THE MESSAGE THIS
SENDS TO ALL THE KIDS -- I THINK
THIS KID WATCHED TOO MANY
COMIC BOOK MOVIE IS.
I THINK HE WANTS TO BE SOME SORT
OF HERO AND I THINK THERE'S LOTS
OF IN SALES OUT THERE LIKE HIM
WHO WILL DO THE SAME THING, IT'S
A TINDERBOX.
I READ TODAY, 46% OF PEOPLE IN
THIS COUNTRY ACCORDING TO THE
ZOGBY POLL THINKS A CIVIL WAR IS
LIKELY.
HALF THE COUNTRY THINKS A
CIVIL WAR IS LIKELY COME I DON'T
THINK IT'S A GREAT IDEA TO SAY
TO PEOPLE YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF THE POLICE ARE NOT DOING THE
JOB AS THEY WEREN'T AT THAT
MOMENT IN KENOSHA, THE ANSWER
CAN'T BE THAN THE CITIZENS HAVE
FULL POLICE POWERS.
THAT CAN'T BE THE RESPONSE,
RIGHT?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> I DON'T DISAGREE WITH THAT,
THE POINT IS YOU CAN'T USE AN
INDIVIDUAL CASE TO SEND A
BROADER SOCIETAL MESSAGE IF THE
LAWS DON'T COVER IT.
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO THEN IF WE
ARE CONCERNED ABOUT THAT AND WE
SHOULD BE IS WE NEED TO GO AFTER
THE LAWS AND MAKE SURE IT'S VERY
CLEAR TO PEOPLE THAT YOU CAN'T
TAKE THE LAW INTO YOUR OWN
HANDS.
[APPLAUSE]
THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED TO DO, NOT
CONVICT SOMEBODY WHO UNDER THE
LAW WAS NOT ENTITLED TO BE
CONVICTED.
>> WHAT I BELIEVE WE MUST TAKE
INTO OUR OWN HANDS, MY PLEA TO
AMERICA WE MUST TAKE OUR COUNTRY
BACK.
WE ARE ALLOWING THE FRINGE
ELEMENTS IN BOTH OF THESE
CONVERSATIONS TO HIJACK WHAT
EVERYDAY AMERICANS WANT.
WE WANT TO SAY FOR CITIES,
EDUCATE OUR CHILDREN AND TO BE
GAINFULLY EMPLOYED.
[APPLAUSE]
WHEN YOU HAVE THIS DIVISION THAT
IS RIPPING US APART -- I'M
REALLY CONCERNED.
I BELIEVE THERE IS AN AMICUS
GROUP IN THIS COUNTRY, THE ONLY
DESIRE IS TO CONTINUE TO PULL
OUR CITIES APART.
I SAW POLICE VEHICLES BEING
FIREBOMBED, I SAW THE
INSTRUCTION OF PROPERTY, WE HAVE
A PLACE IN PORTLAND WHERE THERE
IS A CITY IN A CITY, THIS IS
AMERICA, THERE'S ONLY ONE
COUNTRY CALLED AMERICA, IF NOT
MULTIPLE COUNTRIES.
>> Bill: YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
A GROUP ON THE LEFT OR ON THE
RIGHT OR BOTH?
>> BOTH.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG -- BEING
PRAGMATIC IS PROGRESSIVE.
I'M PROGRESSIVE, I WANT TO DEAL
WITH OUR CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM
THAT'S UNFAIR COME I WANT TO
CLOSE RIKERS ISLAND BUT I WANT
TO CLOSE THE PIPELINE THAT FEEDS
RIKERS ISLAND.
30% OF THOSE CHILDREN --
[APPLAUSE]
>> I THINK YOU JUST HEARD WHY HE
WON.
DESPITE THE DIVISIONS WE ARE
TALKING ABOUT IN THE COUNTRY
WHICH ARE VERY REAL, THERE IS
STILL A LARGE SECTION OF THE
COUNTRY THAT SAYS JUST TALK
COMMON SENSE TO ME.
FOR INSTANCE, HE'S TALKING ABOUT
WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH RIKERS
ISLAND, WHEN I WAS GOVERNOR WE
CLOSED CIRCLE PRISONS BECAUSE WE
AREN'T KEEPING NONVIOLENT PEOPLE
IN JAIL BECAUSE THEY CAN'T
AFFORD $500 IN BAIL.
THE REALLY VIOLENT PEOPLE STAY
IN JAIL.
OF THE NONVIOLENT ONES WE PUT A
BRACELET AROUND THEM, WE MAKE
SURE THEY SHOW UP FOR COURT AND
THEY DO WHAT THEY NEED TO DO,
BUT WE ARE NOT FEELING JAILS
WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE REALLY IN
DEBTOR'S PRISON.
CRIME WENT DOWN IN NEW JERSEY
WHEN WE DID THAT.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: AS TWO POLITICIANS
WHO ARE TOWARD THE CENTER OF
YOUR PARTIES, RIGHT?
WOULDN'T YOU AGREE WITH THAT?
>> I DON'T LIKE THE TITLES THAT
PEOPLE TRY TO DEFINE ME, I'M
TRYING TO DEFINE MYSELF.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THAT'S PRETTY VAGUE.
COMPARED TO SAY, BERNIE SANDERS,
I WOULD SAY YOU'RE MORE TOWARD
THE CENTER, BY THE WAY, THIS IS
WHY WE LIKE YOU.
STOP APOLOGIZING, I THINK IT'S
FANTASTIC.
>> I THINK IT'S IMPERATIVE -- I
BELIEVE IT'S UNFAIR TO AMERICANS
BECAUSE YOU HAVE DIFFERENT VIEWS
ON DIFFERENT THINGS, WE WANT TO
SAY HERE IS THE LITMUS TEST.
WE HAVE TO BREAK FREE OF THAT.
>> Bill: I WOULD SAY I'M MORE
TOWARD THE CENTER.
I THINK I'M LEFT BUT MORE TOWARD
THE CENTER OF.
I'M ALWAYS FIGHTING WITH THE FAR
LEFT AND THE FAR RIGHT.
TO SOMEONE LIKE ME IT LOOKS LIKE
ONE SIDE WANTS TO DEMORALIZE THE
POLICE TO THE POINT WHERE THEY
SOMETIMES DON'T SHOW UP AND THAT
DOES HAPPEN AND MAYBE THAT
HAPPENED IN KENOSHA, RIGHT?
THE OTHER SIDE WANTS TO MAKE THE
CITIZENS OF SOME SORT VIGILANTE
FORCE.
WHY CAN'T WE HAVE SOMETHING
THAT'S SENSIBLE IN THE MIDDLE?
THIS IS WHY YOU AS AN EX-COP --
>> I WOULD TELL YOU WHEN I WAS
GOVERNOR WE HAD CAMDEN WHICH WAS
THE MOST DANGEROUS CITY IN
AMERICA AT THE TIME.
WE FIRED THE ENTIRE POLICE
FORCE, WE BROUGHT THEM BACK IN
AND WE TRAINED THEM BASED UPON
COMMUNITY POLICING AND IN
VIOLENCE THE ESCALATION AND
INVOLVEMENT IN THE NEIGHBORHOODS
OUT OF CARS COME ON BICYCLES, ON
FOOT AND MURDERS WENT DOWN 75%
IN CAMDEN BECAUSE THE CITIZENS
DIDN'T SEE THE POLICE AS THE
ENEMIES ANYMORE, THEY SAW THEM
AS PARTNERS AND THE POLICE
DIDN'T SEE THE CITIZENS AS
ENEMIES ANYMORE, THEY SAW THEM
AS PEOPLE WORTHY TO PROTECT.
THAT'S WHERE WE GOT TO GET WITH
POLICING IN THIS COUNTRY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> WHAT THE GOVERNOR SAID IS SO
CORRECT, HOW DO WE DEFINE THE
EQUAL SYSTEM OF PUBLIC SAFETY?
WE HAVE NOT DONE THAT.
TRADITIONALLY, POLICING HAS
ALWAYS BEEN -- PUBLIC SAFETY HAS
ALWAYS BEEN JUST THE POLICE.
WE CALL THEM FOR EVERYTHING BUT
IF WE REDEFINE THE ECOSYSTEM,
COMMUNITY GROUPS, CRISIS
MANAGEMENT, YOUTH ORGANIZATION,
WE BUILT THAT TRUST BECAUSE THE
BAD GUYS ARE LOOKING AT US AND
LAUGHING.
>> Bill: AND TAKE SOME OF THE
BURDEN OFF POLICE.
WHO ARE DOING THINGS -- I WATCH
COPS WHO ARE ALWAYS ON THE FRONT
PORCH OF SOMEBODY'S HOUSE ABOUT
THEIR MARRIAGE.
>> PROFESSIONALS RESPONDED TO
THOSE NONVIOLENT JOBS, YOU CAN
HAVE A DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIP
AND THAT'S WHAT WE ARE GOING
TO --
>> Bill: YOU SAID IT, WE
DEFINE.
THE DEMOCRATS ALWAYS FALL INTO
THE TRAP OF GETTING WORD FUCKED.
>> I LOVE THIS SHOW.
[LAUGHTER]
I COULDN'T GET AWAY WITH SAYING
THAT.
>> Bill: OH, YES, YOU COULD.
>> I COULDN'T.
>> Bill: WRIGHT, CHRIS, YOU'VE
NEVER SAID "BUCK!"
NOT YOU.
>> NOT LIKE THAT.
>> Bill: INSTEAD OF CALLING
THE FUND, REDEFINE.
>> WORDS ARE POWERFUL.
>> Bill: EXACTLY!
>> I AGREE THAT'S WHAT WE SHOULD
BE DOING.
>> Bill: HERE'S WHAT JILL
BIDEN SAID AFTER KENOSHA IN
2020, HE SAID I WANT TO BE VERY
CLEAR ABOUT ALL OF THIS, RIOTING
IS NOT PROTESTING, LOOTING IS
NOT PROTESTING, SETTING FIRES IS
NOT PROTESTING, IT'S
LAWLESSNESS, PLAIN AND SIMPLE
AND THOSE WHO DO IT SHOULD BE
PROSECUTED -- SOUNDS LIKE YOU.
I FEEL LIKE THAT'S WHAT HE GOT
ELECTED TO.
THE PERCEPTION NOW AMONG MANY
PEOPLE AS THAT'S NOT THE GUY WHO
WAS IN OFFICE, THAT HE HAS SWUNG
LEFT.
>> IT'S THE NARRATIVE.
>> Bill: IS THAT TRUE?
>> NO.
I BELIEVE WE NEED TO RE-CLEAN
THE NARRATIVE, WHEN YOU LOOK AT
THE BUILD BACK BETTER BILL, THE
STUFF IN THE BILL ABOUT
UNIVERSAL CHILD CARE, WHEN YOU
LOOK AT GOOD THINGS THAT ARE
BEING DONE, WE ARE NOT TALKING
TO AMERICANS WITH THOSE KITCHEN
TABLE ISSUES.
WE ARE GETTING SO COMPLICATED.
WHAT'S ZERO IN ON WHAT
AMERICANS, WHAT NEW YORKERS,
WHAT WE WANT.
THAT'S WHAT I DID ON THE
CAMPAIGN TRAIL, I TALKED
DIRECTLY ABOUT WHAT NEW YORKERS
WANTED AND THAT'S WHAT DEMOCRATS
MUST DO.
>> Bill: THIS THING IS ALL
ABOUT GUNS.
WHERE ARE YOU ON THE GUNS?
YOU CARRY A GUN, YOU'RE PROBABLY
STRAPPED NOW.
BUT I WANT YOU TO HAVE A GUN,
YOU'RE AN EX-COP, I TRUST YOU
WITH A GUN, I DON'T TRUST KYLE.
IS A KID.
I KNOW THIS IS COMING UP BEFORE
THE SUPREME COURT, OPEN CARRY
INCLUDES A NEW YORK CASE, WHERE
DO YOU STAND?
>> I HAVEN'T CARRIED IN 15
YEARS.
I CAN'T CARRY IN CALIFORNIA.
>> Bill: YOU WOULD LIKE TO?
>> THE SUPREME COURT IS ABOUT TO
MAKE AN IMPORTANT DECISION
THAT'S ABOUT TO IMPACT US AND
I'M HOPING THEY DON'T ALLOW THE
CONCEALED CARRY TWO WE DO A
GREAT JOB WITH OUR LAWS IN
NEW YORK AND I'M HOPING THEY
CONSIDER NOT TO MAKE THIS
DECISION.
>> Bill: OKAY, GOOD TO.
WE DON'T WANT TO BE THE OLD
WEST.
>> I GO BACK TO THE STUFF YOU
SAID -- WHAT PRESIDENT BIDEN
SAID IN 20 VERSES WHERE HE IS
NOW, THAT IS THE BIGGEST REASON
WHY HIS POLL NUMBERS HAVE GONE
DOWN SO MUCH.
HE CAMPAIGNED THAT WAY, HE
CAMPAIGNED AS A UNITER, A
CENTRIST, GOING TO BRING THE
COUNTRY TOGETHER AND RETURN
THINGS TO NORMALCY, THAT WAS HIS
PITCH.
HE GOT A LOT OF INDEPENDENT
VOTERS, A LOT OF REPUBLICAN
VOTERS WHO VOTED FOR HIM FOR
THAT REASON.
NOW HE'S COME IN WITH A MUCH
MORE AGGRESSIVE AGGRESSIVE
SOCIAL AGENDA THAT HE CAMPAIGNED
ON.
VOTERS KNOW IS IT YOU GOVERN
DIFFERENT FROM THE WAY YOU
CAMPAIGNED, THEY DON'T LIKE IT.
THEY FEEL LIKE WAIT A SECOND I
BOUGHT IT BASED ON WHAT YOU'RE
SELLING, AND I YOU'RE SELLING ON
SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
>> Bill: HE DID CAMPAIGN ON A
LOT OF THINGS HE'S SELLING.
>> NOT THEMATICALLY, THAT IS THE
PROBLEM.
PEOPLE THOUGHT THEY WERE GETTING
THIS GUY WHO WAS GOING TO UNITE
THE COUNTRY AND IT'S THAT HE'S
DOING DIFFERENT STUFF.
I THINK ERIC IS RIGHT DEMOCRATS
MADE A HUGE MISTAKE BY NOT
BREAKING DOWN THEIR BILL AND
TALKING ABOUT INDIVIDUAL THINGS
AND JUST TALKING ABOUT THE PRICE
TAG, GREAT FOR REPUBLICANS IT.
KEEP
DOING IT TO.
FOR ME, HE HAS GOVERNED CONTRARY
TO THE PLAN HE SOLD AND WHEN YOU
DO THAT AS A POLITICIAN YOU PUT
YOURSELF IN PERIL.
[APPLAUSE]
>> I'M PROUD TO CALL MYSELF THE
BIDEN OF BROOKLYN WHEN I WAS
BOROUGH PRESIDENT, I LIKE JOE.
I BELIEVE WHAT HE HAS DONE
DURING COVID, THE BILLIONS OF
DOLLARS THAT WERE SENT INTO OUR
CITIES, WHAT HE HAS DONE DURING
THE INFRASTRUCTURE BILL, BUILD
BACK BETTER, I THINK WHAT THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY MUST DO, THEY
MUST GET ON THE GROUND AND THE
CELL WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
THEY ARE DOING AN AMAZING JOB.
IF IT WASN'T FOR THE COVERT
STIMULUS PACKAGE OR THE
INFRASTRUCTURE BILL, AND I'LL
BUILD BACK BETTER.
>> Bill: EVERY YEAR BEFORE WE
TAKE OUR BREAK WE HAVE A
TRADITION BECAUSE WE TAKE A VERY
SERIOUS RESPONSIBILITY THAT WE
INFORM THESE PEOPLE, WE ARE A
NEWS SHOW.
WE ARE GOING TO BE OFF FOR A
COUPLE OF MONTHS.
>> YOU ARE WHERE I GET ALL MY
NEWS.
>> Bill: EXACTLY, I APPRECIATE
THAT.
WE DO FUTURE HEADLINES, THESE
ARE HEADLINES THAT ARE GOING TO
HAPPEN.
WE ARE NOT GOING TO BE HERE, OUR
STAFF IS SO GOOD THEY CAN TELL
YOU -- WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE
SOME OF THE FUTURE HEADLINES?
THESE ARE THINGS WE KNOW ARE
GOING TO HAPPEN.
BRITNEY SPEARS FOUND NUDE IN
LION ENCLOSURE.
[LAUGHTER]
JEOPARDY HOST DUMPED OVER NEWLY
DISCOVERED "PROBLEMATIC
PRE-SCHOOL ARTWORK.'
[LAUGHTER]
RACIST
KAREN CALLS 9-1-1 ON ANTI-MASK
KAREN, COP KAREN SHOWS UP AND
SHOOTS BOTH.
[APPLAUSE]
PUTIN CRITIC SURVIVES FALL FROM
BUILDING BY LANDING ON PREVIOUS
PUTIN CRITIC WHO FELL FROM
BUILDING.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
FOX NEWS GIVES CONFEDERATE FLAG
ITS OWN SHOW
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
IN ULTIMATE TROLL
MOVE, BIDEN CHANGES NAME TO
BRANDON.
[LAUGHTER]
DRAMATIC
LEAKED FACEBOOK MEMO ADMITS THE
METAVERSE IS JUST GOING TO BE
GUYS JERKING OFF.
MEGHAN MARKLE TO ACCEPT BITCOIN
FOR WHATEVER IT IS SHE DOES.
[LAUGHTER]
BRISTOL PALIN ANNOUNCES
ENGAGEMENT TO KYLE RITTENHOUSE.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
TOWN THAT VOTED TO DEFUND THE
POLICE WAKES UP TO FIND
EVERYTHING GONE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> I THINK THAT VLADIMIR PUTIN
THING ALREADY HAPPENED.
>> Bill: I'M GOING TO READ
YOUR QUOTE ABOUT YOUR FUTURE
TRUMP'S.
YOU SAID I DON'T KNOW THAT HE IS
GOING TO RUN -- HE IS.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER I'M GOING
TO RUN.
YOU ARE.
>> ARE THESE FUTURE HEADLINES?
>> Bill: I'M READING SOME OF
YOUR STATEMENTS, IF YOU COULD
PREVENT DONALD TRUMP FROM BEING
IN OFFICE, I SAID THIS ABOUT
MITT ROMNEY.
I WOULD TAKE THE MILLION DOLLARS
I GAVE TO OBAMA AND GIVE IT TO
YOU OR MITT ROMNEY OR ANYBODY
WHO CAN ASSURE ME THAT YOU WOULD
GET THE REPUBLICAN NOMINATION.
>> THAN IT'S BEEN WITH THE
FLIGHT OUT HERE.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: IF YOU CAN WIN.
HERE'S THE PROBLEM, YOU ARE
TRYING TO SQUARE THE CIRCLE THAT
CANNOT BE SQUARED WHICH IS YOU
DON'T WANT TO COMPLETELY
RENOUNCE TRUMP.
THIS BLOWS MY MIND.
YOU SAID "LET'S SEE WHO HE IS."
YOU STILL MIGHT SUPPORT HIM, YOU
CALL HIM OUT FOR THE BIG LIE I
GIVE YOU CREDIT FOR THAT, YOU
CALL OUT THE CONSPIRACY
THEORIES, YOU SAY HE ABSOLUTELY
LOST THE ELECTION BUT THEN YOU
SAY YOU MIGHT SUPPORT HIM IN
2020, LET'S SEE WHO HE IS AND
WHAT HE SAYS AND HOW HE CONDUCTS
HIMSELF.
THIS IS NOT TENABLE FOR A GUY
LIKE YOU WHO IS LIKE I'M NO
BULLSHIT.
YOU KNOW WHO HE IS, YOU THINK IS
GOING TO CHANGE AT 75?
HE DIDN'T CHANGE WHEN HE BECAME
PRESIDENT, THIS WHOLE
DONALD TRUMP MIGHT CHANGE
THEORY?
>> THIS IS WHAT I THINK ABOUT
THAT, BILL.
PEOPLE WHO WANT TO WIN AS BADLY
AS HE DOES OFTEN FIND THEIR
PRINCIPLES TO BE FLEXIBLE.
THIS IS A GUY WHO WHEN I FIRST
MET HIM WAS THE MOST PRO-CHOICE
GUY -- HE SAID I'M THE MOST
PRO-CHOICE GUY YOU'LL EVER MEET
AND NOW HE'S THE MOST PRO-LIFE
GUY YOU'LL EVER MEET.
HE WAS TOTALLY AGAINST ETHANOL
SUBSIDIES BECAUSE HE SAID THEY
WERE A WASTE OF MONEY.
>> Bill: PEOPLE DON'T GIVE A
SHIT ABOUT ETHANOL SUBSIDIES,
THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT,
COME ON.
LET'S TALK IN NEW JERSEY TO
NEW JERSEY, IT'S NOT ABOUT
ETHANOL.
>> I KNOW THEY DON'T GIVE A
SHIT, I'M TRYING TO MAKE A
BIGGER POINT.
>> Bill: WE GOT HIM GOING!
[LAUGHTER]
>> THAT WORD IS A LOT DIFFERENT
FROM THE OTHER ONE, MY MOTHER
TAUGHT ME THAT!
WHEN YOU HAVE SOMEONE WHO IS
WILLING TO CHANGE THEIR
POSITIONS ON SOMETHING LIKE
THAT, I'M NOT ONE WHO'S BEEN
WILLING TO DO THAT, YOU NEVER
KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
IF THIS IS A TRAP.
PEOPLE WANT TO GET YOU IN A TRAP
TO SAY THINGS THAT ARE THREE
YEARS AWAY AND THERE'S NO REASON
FOR ME TO SAY THIS TODAY.
WHAT I AM SAYING IS STUFF THAT
NO ONE ELSE IS SAYING EXCEPT FOR
RUPERT MURDOCH WHO SAID IT
YESTERDAY.
>> Bill: ERIC, HELP ME.
>> YOU NEED HELP?
>> Bill: YOU CAN'T BOTH BE A
MAY BE ON TRUMP AND DEMOCRACY.
YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE ONE.
HE TRIED TO STEAL THE ELECTION
AND YOU CALLED HIM OUT IN EVERY
WAY POSSIBLE, HE CALLED THE
JUSTICE DEPARTMENT, HE TRIED TO
GET MIKE PENCE TO DO IT, HE
TRIED TO GET THE COURTS TO DO
IT, HE DID EVERYTHING POSSIBLE.
HE JUST DIDN'T CHEAT HARD
ENOUGH, THAT'S THE ONLY LESSON
HE'S LEARNED.
YOU CAN'T BE "TRUMP IS A BAD GUY
AND I KNOW IT AND I MIGHT VOTE
FOR THEM IN 24."
>> HE'S A BAD GUY, WE DON'T NEED
TO GO BACKWARDS.
WE ARE STILL RECEIVING THE
FALLOUT OF HIS PRESIDENCY AND WE
SHOULD NOT, AND I AM LIGHTING
CANDLES, BURNING INCENSE, DOING
HAIL MARYS, WE DON'T WANT HIM
BACK IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: AND WHAT MAKES YOU
THINK YOU CAN PRY THE PARTY AWAY
FROM HIM WHICH HE OWNS?
>> I THINK YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT
THAT, YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED IN
VIRGINIA, YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED
IN NEW JERSEY.
TWO GUYS AFFIRMATIVELY SAID WE
DON'T WANT YOU TO COME CAMPAIGN
HERE, BOTH OF THEM.
>> Bill: THEY DIDN'T RENOUNCE
HIM.
>> WHEN YOU TELL SOMEBODY DON'T
COME ANYWHERE NEAR ME, THAT'S
WERE ANNOUNCING.
>> Bill: IT'S NOT.
>> IT IS, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO
BE STANDING ANYWHERE NEAR
SOMEBODY, THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
A POLL CAME OUT THREE DAYS AGO
IN IOWA, IOWA REPUBLICANS WERE
SOME OF THE MOST CONSERVATIVE
REPUBLICANS IN AMERICA THEY
ASKED WHO DO YOU HAVE GREATER
LOYALTY TO COME OF THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY, DONALD TRUMP.
62% SAID THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.
HE ABSORBED ALL THE OXYGEN IN
HIS POLITICAL WORLD FOR FIVE
YEARS.
HE'S OUT OF OFFICE TODAY, TEN
MONTHS AND EVERYBODY EXPECTS
EVERYTHING TO BE DIFFERED WITHIN
TEN MONTHS.
IT'S THIS INSTANT GRATIFICATION
SOCIETY WE LIVE IN.
WE ARE MOVING BECAUSE HE IS
FORCING THAT MOVEMENT BECAUSE HE
WON'T LET GO OF THE PAST.
IF YOU WON'T LET GO OF THE PAST
YOU CAN'T BE PART OF THE FUTURE.
[APPLAUSE]
>> I THINK IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT
WHAT CHRIS IS SAYING.
WE ALLOWED THIS MAN TO REALLY
JUST DISRUPT OUR COUNTRY.
WE WOKE UP EVERY DAY LOOKING AT
HIS TWEETS, WE ALLOWED HIM TO
SUCK THE OXYGEN OUT OF OUR
COUNTRY WHILE WE ARE DEALING
WITH TRUMP CHINA IS KICKING OUR
REAR.
WE NEED TO BE FOCUSED ON OUR
COUNTRY AND WHAT CHRIS IS
SAYING, LET'S NOT FALL INTO THAT
TRAP AGAIN, AMERICA.
HE'S THE PAST.
>> EV EVERYBODY HAS ASKED ME THE
SAME QUESTION YOU DO, NOT GOING
TO FALL INTO THE TRAP OF
SPENDING EVERY MINUTE ON
TELEVISION TALKING ABOUT
DONALD TRUMP.
I WROTE A WHOLE BOOK THAT SAID
THE ELECTION WAS NOT STOLEN,
JOE BIDEN WON FAIR AND SQUARE, I
PROVED IT IN THE BOOK, I GO
THROUGH THESE STATISTICS OF THE
ELECTION AND SAY IF WE DON'T
STOP IT, WE AS A PARTY ARE NOT
GOING TO BE VIABLE, THE MORE
IMPORTANT THAN TALKING ABOUT
DONALD TRUMP.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: DONALD TRUMP IS THAT
PARTY.
LIZ CHENEY IS NOW A
NONREPUBLICAN IN WYOMING.
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT IOWA?
I THINK WYOMING IS CONSERVATIVE.
IF THEY DECLARED LIZ CHENEY --
>> A STATE COMMITTEE DID.
>> YOU CAN'T WIN AN ELECTION IN
WYOMING.
>> SHE'S IN A PRIMARY IN 2022
AND I'M PREDICTING RIGHT NOW
SHE'S GOING TO BE RENOMINATED IN
WYOMING.
THEY WILL WERE DETERMINED, THE
VOTERS OF WYOMING, BECAUSE
THAT'S A STATEWIDE RACE BECAUSE
THEY ONLY HAVE ONE MEMBER OF
CONGRESS.
THE VOTERS OF WYOMING WILL
DETERMINE WHO IS A REPUBLICAN
AND WHO ISN'T, NOT A SMOKE OF
THE PEOPLE IN THE STATE
COMMITTEE WHO HAVE A VOTE.
I COULD WIND UP BEING WRONG, I
KNOW I'VE NEVER BEEN WRONG
BEFORE BUT THIS COULD BE THE
FIRST TIME.
[LAUGHTER]
I COULD BE WRONG BUT I THINK I'M
GOING TO BE RIGHT AND I THINK
CHENEY IS GOING TO WIN.
>> Bill: I THINK YOU COULD
HAVE BEEN PRESIDENT IF YOU RAN
THAT YEAR PEOPLE WANTED YOU TO
RUN, THE KNOCK AGAINST YOU WAS
HE'S KIND OF A MOB BOSS BULLY
AND THEN THEY FOUND DONALD TRUMP
A MUCH BIGGER MOB BOSS -- THAT'S
WHAT THEY WANT TO.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT CAN BE GOOD IN POLITICS,
YOU GET THINGS DONE.
HE DIDN'T, YOU POSSIBLY WOULD
BECAUSE YOU CAN WORK WITH THE
OTHER SIDE.
>> AND I DID FOR EIGHT YEARS.
>> Bill: RUNNING AS A SAIN
REPUBLICAN IN THE PART IT IS NO
LONGER SEEN.
QANON IS THE LIFE BLOOD --
>> I WRITE ABOUT THAT IN THE
BOOK, ONCE THEY READ THE BOOK --
>> Bill: THEY ARE NOT GOING TO
READ THE BOOK.
THE VAST MAJORITY OF AMERICANS
DON'T READ BOOKS, THEY ARE ON
THEIR PHONE.
>> THAT'S WHAT THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY MUST DO, THEY
MUST ATTACH DONALD TRUMP TO THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY.
THEY MUST ATTACH HIM TO THAT
PARTY AND IF THEY FAILED TO DO
SO, WE ARE GOING TO FAIL TO
REALLY SHOW THE PROGRESS WE ARE
MAKING IN THIS COUNTRY.
>> THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I'VE
DISAGREED WITH ERIC TONIGHT --
THAT'S WHAT TERRY McAULIFFE
TRIED TO DO.
HE TRIED TO ATTACH DONALD TRUMP
TO GLENN YOUNGKIN AND MOST OF
HIS CAMPAIGN MONEY WAS SPENT ON
ADS THAT WERE TRYING TO CONNECT
DONALD TRUMP TO GLENN YOUNGKIN
AND A MAJORITY OF VOTERS SAID I
SEE GLENN YOUNGKIN, I DON'T SEE
DONALD TRUMP, I'M GOING TO VOTE
FOR THIS GUY.
I UNDERSTAND BUT I THINK YOU
HAVE TO BE CAREFUL BECAUSE I
THINK UNLESS THE PERSON IS
ACTING LIKE DONALD TRUMP, IT'S
TOUGH TO MAKE HIM DONALD TRUMP.
>> Bill: IS THE THREE QUARTERS
OF YOUR PARTY THAT THINKS HE WON
THE ELECTION AND IT WAS STOLEN,
ARE THEY LYING TO A POLLSTER?
ORDER THEY REALLY BELIEVE THAT?
I'M ASKING.
>> I THINK THERE HAS BEEN AN
ABSENCE OF ANYBODY ELSE IN MY
PARTY SAYING ANYTHING DIFFERENT
AND WHEN THE ONLY VOICES BEING
HEARD --
>> Bill: THERE HAVE BEEN,
MITT ROMNEY, A LIZ CHENEY,
ADAM KINZINGER --
>> I THINK THEY DIDN'T APPROACH
IT THE WAY I WOULD APPROACH IT.
RUPERT MURDOCH COMES OUT AND
SAYS THE SAME THING TWO DAYS
LATER BECAUSE THINGS ARE
CHANGING.
NOBODY COULD CALL ME A NEVER
TRUMP -- PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY
SUPPORTED HIM AND NO ONE COULD
SAY RUPERT MURDOCH DIDN'T
SUPPORT HIM EITHER, WE ARE
SAYING ENOUGH.
>> Bill: TO CALL OUT TECH GUY
AND ALL THE HORRIBLE THINGS
DONALD TRUMP DID AND SAID I
STILL MIGHT VOTE FOR HIM IN
2024, IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE SCARED
OF HIM, AT THE SAME THING I SAID
DOES SEAN SPICER.
YOU'RE SCARED BECAUSE WHEN HE
ATTACKS AND GOES AFTER YOU, YOU
ARE TOAST.
>> HE ATTACKED ME LAST WEEKEND,
I'M STANDING HERE AND I'M
SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.
GUESS WHAT?
IF BERNIE SANDERS IS THE NOMINEE
OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY, I
CANNOT VOTE FOR BERNIE SANDERS.
>> Bill: HE'S NOT GOING TO BE
THE NOMINEE.
>> SO SAY YOU.
>> Bill: THE NEXT TIME?
HE'S A TWO TIME LOSER, HE'S 89.
>> HE'S NOT 89.
>> Bill: TRUST ME, IT'S NOT
GOING TO BE BERNIE.
>> FUTURE HEADLINES IS GOOD,
IT'S NOT THAT GOOD TO.
SOMEBODY LIKE THAT TOO IS AN
AVOWED SOCIALIST, THAT'S WHY I
WON'T FALL INTO YOUR TRAP.
BECAUSE THEN I GOT TO VOTE FOR
BERNIE SANDERS.
>> Bill: I TRIED TO GET HIM IN
MY TRAP!
>> YOU TRIED TO GET ME, BUT NO!
YOU KNOW WHAT I WISH TONIGHT?
I WISH I HAD WORN ERIC'S COAT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: LET ME ASK YOU ONE
MORE THING, YOU CALL OUT ALL THE
CONSPIRACY THEORIES THAT MOST OF
THE REPUBLICANS BELIEVE NOW,
QANON, BUT THEN YOU SAY WE
SHOULD NOT PERMIT THE DEMOCRATS
TO TURN OUR COUNTRY INTO A
MAIL-IN VOTING SOCIETY.
THERE IS ZERO PROOF THAT M MAILN
VOTING ENCOURAGES FRAUD SO
AREN'T YOU ENCOURAGING ANOTHER
KIND OF CONSPIRACY?
>> I'M SAYING IT SHOULD NOT BE
THE ONLY OPTION.
>> Bill: NO ONE IS SAYING IT
SHOULD BE THE ONLY OPTION.
>> THAT WAS THE STATEMENT, THERE
ARE STATES IN OUR COUNTRY WHO
ARE ONLY MAIL-IN VOTING, OREGON
IS ONLY MAIL-IN VOTING,
WASHINGTON STATE'S ONLY
MAIL-IN VOTING.
>> Bill: YOU CAN'T VOTE IN
PERSON IN THOSE PLACES?
>> YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO VOTE
IN PERSON ANYMORE, IT'S ALL MALE
IN.
>> Bill: I STAND CORRECTED TO.
SPEAK OUT THAT HE SAY I WAS
RIGHT?
>> Bill: I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
HIM I'LL GIVE YOU THE LAST WORD,
YOU GOT ME ON THAT ONE, SOMEBODY
GOT ME AT THE VERY END OF THE
SEASON.
THANK YOU, GUYS, IT'S TIME FOR
NEW RULES!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
NEW RULE: THE FASHION POLICE
UPSET THAT KYRSTEN SINEMA WORE A
DENIM VEST ON THE FLOOR OF THE
SENATE NEED TO GET A LIFE.
THE SENATE HAS AN ANNUAL
"SEERSUCKER DAY," WHEN THEY ALL
[LAUGHTER]
DRESS UP LIKE MATLOCK.
I THINK WE CAN HANDLE ONE OF
THEM DRESSING LIKE JAY LENO
ONCE.
[LAUGHTER]
BESIDES, A VEST CAN'T DECIDE IF
IT'S A SHIRT OR A JACKET, AND IF
SHE CAN'T MAKE UP HER MIND, WHY
SHOULD HER CLOTHES?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: REDEFINE MEAT, THE
COMPANY THAT INVENTED A METHOD
OF 3D-PRINTING MEAT IN ANY SHAPE
OR THICKNESS YOU WANT -- HAS TO
ADMIT THAT EVERY GUY THEY SHOWED
IT TO ASKED THE SAME THING.
[LAUGHTER]
WOULD IT WORK FOR A PENIS?
NEW RULE:
LET'S END THE TRADITION WHERE
ONE OF THE FOOTBALL TEAMS ON
THANKSGIVING DAY HAS TO BE THE
DETROIT LIONS.
FOR A VERY IMPORTANT REASON.
PRETENDING THAT THAT IS A
MUST-SEE GAME IS KEY TO HOW WE
AVOID TALKING TO OUR FAMILIES
FOR THREE HOURS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
IT'S HARD TO TELL UNCLE PHIL,
"YOU KNOW, I'D LOVE TO LEARN
MORE ABOUT HOW THE ROTHCHILDS
ARE MICROCHIPPING TRUMP
SUPPORTERS, BUT THE LIONS ARE
ON."
I MEAN, HE'S GULLIBLE, BUT NOT
THAT GULLIBLE.
[LAUGHTER]
NEW RULE: SOMEONE MUST TELL JOSH
HAWLEY: YOU'RE FREE TO DO THIS
WHEN YOU DISCUSS ELECTION
IRREGULARITIES ALL YOU WANT --
BUT IT WON'T STOP YOUR
KNOWS FROM GROWING.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE:
SOMEONE HAS TO TELL ME HOW
AMERICA CAN ONLY SUPPORT TWO
POLITICAL PARTIES WHEN THERE'S
FOUR DIFFERENT COLORING BOOKS
ABOUT CAT BUTTS AT CHRISTMAS.
THERE'S "CAT BUTT CHRISTMAS."
CAT BUTT CHRISTMAS!"
WITH AN EXCLAMATION POINT.
"CAT BUTT CHRISTMAS!!"
WITH FOUR EXCLAMATION POINTS.
AND, OF COURSE "CHRISTMAS CAT
BUTTS."
TWO QUESTIONS I NEVER WANT
ANSWERED.
WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR IDEAS?
AND WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO WITH THE
CRAYONS?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
AND FINALLY, NEW RULE.
DEMOCRATS, WHO ONE YEAR FROM NOW
WILL BE LICKING THEIR WOUNDS AND
ASKING THEMSELVES HOW THEY COULD
HAVE LOST MIDTERMS SO BADLY,
MUST INSTEAD ASK THEMSELVES THAT
QUESTION NOW.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WHILE THERE'S STILL TIME TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO AMY
KLOBUCHAR WAS HERE AND WHEN I
SUGGESTED THE DEMOCRATS NEEDED A
MESSAGING CZAR, SHE OFFERED ME
THE JOB:
YOU NEED A MESSAGING CZAR AND
YOUR PARTY?
>> YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE YOU?
>> Bill: I'M FLATTERED.
AFTER CAREFUL CONSIDERATION, I
MUST DECLINE -- THE HOURS IT
WOULD TAKE ME AWAY FROM HOME
WOULD MAKE IT VERY DIFFICULT ON
MY FAMILY.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BUT I WILL TONIGHT ONCE AGAIN
BREAK OUT MY "COACH" HAT AND TRY
TO POINT THE DEMOCRATS IN THE
RIGHT DIRECTION -- THAT'S ALL I
CAN DO, POINT YOU IN THE RIGHT
DIRECTION.
I'M LIKE DEEP THROAT.
[LAUGHTER]
CUZ THE WAY THIS PARTY IS
RUNNING FOR OFFICE IS MAKING ME
GAG.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I KNOW LIBERALS THINK THIS
COUNTRY IS FULL OF DUMB WHITE
PEOPLE, BUT IN OUR DEMOCRACY,
DUMB WHITE PEOPLE MAKE UP A
SUBSTANTIAL PORTION OF THE VOTE.
THE MEDIAN VOTER IS A WHITE
PERSON IN THEIR 50S WHO DIDN'T
GO TO COLLEGE, THEIR FAVORITE TV
SHOW IS NCIS, AND THEIR PRONOUNS
ARE "WHAT?, ""I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT,"
AND "GET AWAY FROM ME."
[LAUGHTER]
IN 2008, REPUBLICANS ONLY WON
[APPLAUSE]
FOUR VIRGINIA COUNTIES BY MORE
THAN 70%; THIS MONTH IN THE
GOVERNOR'S ELECTION THERE THEY
DID IT IN 45 COUNTIES.
AND THIS IS WHAT A LOT OF
DEMOCRATS WERE TOLD WAS THE
REASON FOR THAT: "GLENN
YOUNKIN'S WIN PROVES WHITE
IGNORANCE IS A POWERFUL WEAPON."
"RACISM STILL WORKS IN
VIRGINIA."
"IT'S NOT THE MESSAGING, FOLKS.
THIS COUNTRY SIMPLY LOVES WHITE
SUPREMACY."
I HAVEN'T WORKED UP AN OFFICIAL
DEMOCRATIC CAMPAIGN SLOGAN FOR
2024 YET, BUT I TELL YOU WHAT I
HAVE RULED OUT IS "VOTE
DEMOCRAT. BECAUSE WHITE PEOPLE
SUCK."
[APPLAUSE]
IT'S LIKE TRYING TO GET LAID BY
SAYING, "YOU'RE UGLY -- DO YOU
WANT TO DANCE?"
YOU'RE ALIENATING A WHOLE LOT OF
PEOPLE.
PARTICULARLY WHITES WITHOUT A
COLLEGE DEGREE, WHICH IS MOST OF
THEM.
IN A COUNTRY THAT'S STILL 70%
WHITE.
I'D SAY "DO THE MATH," BUT MATH
IS A FORM OF WHITE SUPREMACY.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
YES, I KNOW, EVERY FIBER OF YOUR
BEING TELLS YOU THE PEOPLE YOU
REALLY WANT TO REACH ARE
GUATEMALAN TEENAGERS AND
BLOGGERS IN GAZA, BUT THEY CAN'T
VOTE.
TO A LOT OF FOLKS YOU COME
ACROSS AS THE "CARES ABOUT
EVERYBODY BUT ME" PARTY.
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY
-- YOU CAN FIND WAYS TO STAND UP
FOR THEM WITHOUT BEING DAVID
DUKE.
THIS MONTH WHEN THE DEMOCRATS
FINALLY PASSED THEIR BIG
TRILLION-DOLLAR TO REBUILD OUR
ROADS AND BRIDGES SIX DEMOCRATS
VOTED "NO" BECAUSE IT DIDN'T GO
FAR ENOUGH TO ADDRESS CLIMATE
CHANGE, WHICH I'M SURE IS TRUE
-- WHAT DOES?
BUT THIS WAS FREE MONEY FROM THE
FEDERAL GOVERNMENT THAT WOULD
ACTUALLY IMPROVE THEIR
CONSTITUENTS' LIVES.
I CAN SEE A VOTER SAYING, "YOU
KNOW, SQUAD, I AGREE WITH YOU ON
CLIMATE CHANGE, BUT AS LONG AS
IT IS HAPPENING, WE ALSO NEED
MONEY FOR GETTING THE WATER
PUMPED OUT OF THE SUBWAY.
CAN WE DO THAT BEFORE WE BUILD
THE WORKERS' PARADISE?"
[APPLAUSE]
ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS BIDEN
DID IN OFFICE WAS GETTING
THROUGH A COVID "RELIEF" PACKAGE
THAT SENT 1,400 DOLLARS TO,
WELL, EVERYBODY.
WITHOUT A SINGLE REPUBLICAN
VOTE.
AND TODAY TRUMP IS LEADING HIM
IN THE POLLS.
YOU CAN GIVE THE PEOPLE ALL THE
GOODIES JOE MANCHIN WILL ALLOW,
AND IT DOESN'T SEEM TO BUY THEIR
LOVE.
WHY?
WHY IS THE PARTY THAT SUPPORTS
SO MANY ISSUES THAT BENEFIT THE
MIDDLE CLASS STILL CONSIDERED
"OUT OF TOUCH" BY 62% OF
AMERICANS?
IN PLAIN ENGLISH, NOBODY LIKES A
SNOB.
HILLARY CLINTON DIDN'T HAVE
ANYONE ON RURAL RESEARCH OR
OUTREACH WHEN SHE RAN IN 2016.
UNTIL THE RACE TIGHTENED JUST
BEFORE THE ELECTION, THEN THEY
HIRED ONE.
AND WHERE WAS HIS OFFICE?
BROOKLYN.
[LAUGHTER]
TRUE STORY.
POLITICS IS LOCAL, NOT LOCALLY
SOURCED.
IT'S NOT ARTISAN -- IT'S ART AND
STAN.
[APPLAUSE]
YOUR MICROAGGRESSION CULTURE
DOESN'T PLAY IN THE RUST BELT.
IF A STAFFER HANDS YOU A SPEECH
THAT SAYS "MENSTRUATING PEOPLE"
INSTEAD OF "WOMEN," DON'T SAY
THAT.
SAY. "WOMEN."
[APPLAUSE]
DON'T PUT ANYONE FRESH OUT OF
COLLEGE IN CHARGE OF THE
CAMPAIGN.
THEY'VE BEEN GIVEN PARTICIPATION
TROPHIES THEIR WHOLE LIFE, THEY
DON'T KNOW HOW TO WIN.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
JAMES CARVILLE KNEW HOW TO WIN,
AND HE BLAMED THE DEMOCRATIC
LOSSES THIS NOVEMBER 2ND ON
"STUPID WOKENESS," TO WHICH AOC
FIRED BACK THAT WOKENESS "IS A
TERM ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY USED BY
OLDER PEOPLE THESE DAYS," SO
THAT SHOULD TELL YOU ALL YOU
NEED TO KNOW."
WHAT?
THIS IS A TERM FOLKS LIKE YOU
BROUGHT OUT VERY RECENTLY AND
HAD BEEN PROUDLY DISPLAYING AT
EVERY MARCH SINCE.
JUST LAST YEAR THE GUARDIAN
DECLARED "WOKE" "THE WORD OF OUR
ERA" -- I GUESS THEY DIDN'T GET
THE MEMO FROM THE MEAN GIRLS
CLUB.
WE DON'T USE THAT EMOJI ANYMORE.
"WOKE"?
PLEASE, WE SAY "FETCH" NOW.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
WHAT A GREAT STRATEGY, NEVER
MISSING AN OPPORTUNITY TO REMIND
VOTERS HOW LAME AND CLUELESS AND
HOPELESSLY UNCOOL THEY ARE,
ESPECIALLY SINCE THOSE ARE THE
ONES WHO VOTE.
BUT OKAY, FINE, WHAT WORD WOULD
YOU LIKE US TO USE FOR THE
PLAINLY INSANE EXCESSES OF THE
LEFT THAT ARE NOT LIBERALISM BUT
SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT?
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE THE WORD
LIBERAL FROM US AND THINK IT
SHOULD COVER THINGS LIKE
CANCELLING LINCOLN AND TEACHING
3RD GRADERS THEY'RE OPPRESSORS.
THAT'S ALL YOUR NEW THING.
[APPLAUSE]
A MORE PERTINENT QUESTION TO ASK
ABOUT THE WORD WOKE MIGHT BE,
"WHY, IN SUCH A SHORT TIME HAS
IT GONE FROM A RALLYING CRY TO A
PEJORATIVE?"
IF THE WORD ONLY MADE YOU THINK
OF RATIONAL, DESERVED CAUSES
LIKE TEACHING A LESS WHITEWASHED
VERSION OF AMERICAN HISTORY, AOC
WOULD STILL WANT TO OWN IT.
BUT IT'S A JOKE BECAUSE IT MAKES
YOU THINK OF PEOPLE WHO WAKE UP
OFFENDED AND TAKE ORDERS FROM
TWITTER.
AND THEIR OVERSENSITIVITY HAS
GROWN TIRESOME.
THAT SAID, I'D LOVE TO HAVE AOC
ON THIS SHOW, THERE'S MUCH TO
ADMIRE THERE, I WAS ONE OF HER
FIRST SUPPORTERS FOR THE GREEN
NEW DEAL IDEA -- BUT THAT WILL
PROBABLY NEVER HAPPEN BECAUSE
DEMOCRATS DON'T GO ANYWHERE
THESE DAYS WHERE THEY'RE NOT
PRE-ADORED -- AND THAT'S MY LAST
BIT OF ADVICE TO THEM.
GO WHERE THE AMEN CORNER ISN'T.
DO FOX NEWS.
BE BRAVE.
COME HERE.
GO EVERYWHERE.
WINNING IS ABOUT EXPANDING THE
ELECTORATE.
OKAY, THAT'S OUR SHOW.
WE'RE OFF TIL JANUARY 21ST!
TIL THEN I'LL BE AT THE MAUI
ARTS CENTER IN MAUI, DECEMBER
30TH, AT THE BLAISDELL CONCERT
HALL IN HONOLULU, NEW YEARS EVE,
AND AT THE BJCC CONCERT HALL IN
BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA JANUARY
15TH.
I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS FAREED
ZAKARIA, CHRIS CHRISTIE, AND
ERIC ADAMS.
THANK YOU FOR A GREAT SEASON OF
SHOWING UP IN YOUR MASKS!
THANK YOU, FOLKS!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]