♪ ♪
>> START THE CLOCK.
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
PEOPLE.
I APPRECIATE IT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OKAY, ALL RIGHT!
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU HUMBLE ME, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH, THANK YOU.
I KNOW, IT'S EXCITING TIME OF
YEAR, IT'S HALLOWEEN WEEKEND.
I LOVE IT WHEN IT FALLS ON A
SUNDAY.
YOU SCARE THE KIDS WITH STORIES
OF EVIL DEMONS AND GHOSTS, THEN
AFTER CHURCH, YOU GO
TRICK-OR-TREATING.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I SEE YOU HAVE YOUR MASKS
ALREADY ON.
THE ONE TIME WE DRESS UP AND
PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING WE ARE
NOT.
ALSO KNOWN AS INSTAGRAM.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I WENT TO SEE THE HALLOWEEN
MOVIE, THE SEQUEL?
JAMIE LEE CURTIS LOOKS FANTASTIC
AT 62, SHE REALLY DOES.
IN THE MOVIE, KIND OF A KAREN.
[LAUGHTER]
SHE SEES MICHAEL MYERS KILLING A
KID AND SHE SAYS "YOU'RE NOT
FROM THIS NEIGHBORHOOD!"
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
YOU KNOW WHO JAMIE LEE CURTIS'
MOM IS, RIGHT?
SHE STARRED IN THE GREATEST
HORROR MOVIE OF ALL TIME,
PSYCHO.
IT'S BEEN OUT 61 YEARS, I HOPE
I'M NOT GIVING ANYTHING AWAY,
THE ENDING.
WHEN ANTHONY PERKINS SHOWS UP
WITH THAT KNIFE WEARING HIS
MOTHER'S DRESS AND THE WIG, IT
CHANGED CINEMA FOREVER.
AND ALSO DAVE CHAPELLE.
OUT HERE IN CALIFORNIA, TODD HAS
BEEN LEGAL FOR A WHILE, AS WITH
MANY STATES, NOT ALL.
OBVIOUSLY THIS TIME OF YEAR,
HALLOWEEN -- THE LOCAL NEWS IS
FULL OF "WATCH OUT FOR POT
EDIBLES THAT LOOK LIKE CANDY.
."
LIKE I'M GOING TO WASTE MY STASH
ON CHILDREN.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
CHILDREN?
I DON'T EVEN LIKE CHILDREN.
I PUT A SIGN ON MY LAWN THIS
YEAR, IT SAID "NO CANDY, SUPPLY
CHAIN ISSUES."
THERE ARE SUPPLY CHAIN -- YOU
HAVING TROUBLE GETTING SHIT YOU
NEED?
I DON'T HAVE ALL THE SHIT I
NEED!
THIS YEAR I'M TRYING TO GET KIDS
TO PUT TOILET PAPER ON MY HOUSE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BUT YOU KNOW WHERE THE PRESIDENT
IS?
'S OVERSEAS RIGHT NOW.
HE WAS IN ROME AND MET WITH THE
POPE.
THE PULP, I GOT TO SAY, THE POPE
GETS ALONG A LOT BETTER IT LOOKS
LIKE TO ME WITH THE DEMOCRATS.
LOOK AT HIM WITH BY THEN, HE
LOOKS LIKE A PRETTY HAPPY
CAMPER.
OBAMA, LOVED HIM.
TRUMP.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
JUST SAYING.
BUT JOE BIDEN, BIDEN IS VERY AT
HOME IN VATICAN CITY BECAUSE IT
IS A LOT LIKE DELAWARE.
IT'S A MADE UP OF TINY LITTLE
STATE THAT NO ONE PAYS TAXES IN.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
WE HAVE THE SENATOR FROM
DELAWARE, WARMING HIM UP FROM
THAT ONE.
THERE WAS ONE AWKWARD MOMENT AT
THE VATICAN YESTERDAY WHEN THE
POPE OFFERED LAST RITES ON BIDE
BIDEN'S SPENDING BILL.
THE DEMOCRATS, STILL FIGHTING
WITH THEMSELVES OVER THIS
SPENDING BILL.
THIS PROCESS JUST WILL NOT END.
IT'S LIKE A BLINKING CONTEST
WITH TWO PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD TOO
MUCH BOTOX.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
AND THE DEMOCRATS STILL TRYING
TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THIS
KYRSTEN SINEMA WANTS, I'M NOT
EVEN SURE SHE'S WRONG, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS, SPEAK,
WOMAN!
SHE SAID PERSON IN A
RELATIONSHIP, SHE DOESN'T KNOW
WHERE SHE WANTS TO GO TO DINNER
BUT SHE KNOWS IT'S NOT WHERE YOU
WANT TO GO.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BUT WHAT IS STILL IN THE BILL
THAT THE DEMOCRATS ARE GOING TO
PUT FORWARD, CHILD TAX CREDITS.
UP TO $3600, UNIVERSAL
PREKINDERGARTEN, FREE CHILD CARE
FOR THE POOR, AND SUBSIDIZED
CHILD CARE UP TO $115,000 IF YOU
MAKE THAT.
AS ALWAYS, NOTHING FOR US PEOPLE
WHO ARE SMART ENOUGH TO WEAR THE
CONDOM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEVER ANYTHING FOR US.
FINALLY, THIS IS BIG NEWS.
FACEBOOK IS CHANGING ITS NAME
AND ITS WHOLE CULTURE TOWARD THE
VIRTUAL, CHANGING THE NAME TO
META.
[LAUGHTER]
I READ THIS ON FACEBOOK, IT MAY
NOT BE TRUE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
OKAY, WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW,
SENATOR CHRIS COONS AND CAITLIN
FLANAGAN ARE HERE.
BUT FIRST, HE'S THE FORMER PRESS
SECRETARY TO PRESIDENT TRUMP AND
AUTHOR OF "RADICAL NATION: JOE
BIDEN AND KAMALA HARRIS'
DANGEROUS PLAN FOR AMERICA"
SEAN SPICER!
GIVE HIM A HAND.
GOOD TO SEE YOU, ARE YOU A
HANDSHAKE OR?
[APPLAUSE]
IT'S SO WEIRD, WE ARE SHAKING
HANDS, THEY ARE ALL IN MASKS,
WE'LL GET TO THAT LATER.
I'VE SEEN YOU ON TV QUITE A BIT.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Bill: FIRST WITH TRUMP AND
THEN WITH "DANCING WITH THE
STARS."
>> THAT TOO.
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IRONICALLY, IT'S THE SAME LOFT,
IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK.
>> Bill: YOU HAVE YOUR BOOK
THERE OVER YOUR NUTS -- DON'T
WORRY, THIS IS NOT A HOSTILE
INTERVIEW.
[LAUGHTER]
I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR A LONG TIME
NOW.
>> I AM WELL AWARE OF THAT.
>> Bill: TRYING TO SAY WE HAVE
TO COME TOGETHER AS A COUNTRY,
PEOPLE ON YOUR SIDE AND PEOPLE
ON MY SIDE SO I'M NOT HERE TO
KICK YOU IN THE NUTS.
>> GOOD TO KNOW.
>> Bill: BUT WE DO HAVE
DISAGREEMENTS.
"DANGEROUS PLAN FOR AMERICA" IS
THE NAME FOR THE BOOK.
I'VE ALSO SAID THE 3.5 TRILLION
SEEMS THAT A LOT OF MONEY FOR A
COUNTRY THAT NOT THAT LONG AGO
NEVER PASSED THE 1 TRILLION MARK
AND I'M NOT SURE WHAT'S IN IT, I
DON'T THINK WE SPEND MONEY
WISELY, I HAD RESERVATIONS, BUT
"DANGEROUS PLAN FOR AMERICA?"
, IT SEEMS LIKE ALL THE
CONSERVATIVE BOOK ARE PLAYING
THIS DANGEROUS, RADICAL CARD, IS
IT REALLY DANGEROUS?
>> I THINK IT IS, YOU LOOK AT
HOW WE ARE DEALING WITH CHINA,
WHAT WE ARE DOING WITH THE
ECONOMY, INFLATION RAMPANT FROM
ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE A
CONCERN.
IF YOU CAN SPEND $3.5 TRILLION
AND NOT KNOW WHAT'S IN IT AND
ALL YOU'RE DOING IS SHOVELING
OUT MONEY.
>> Bill: THEY DO KNOW WHAT'S
IN IT.
>> THERE'S NOT A SINGLE MEMBER
OF CONGRESS THAT HAS READ THAT.
>> Bill: IT'S A THOUSAND
PAGES.
>> 1400!
>> Bill: I KNOW.
>> WITH NOT EVER SPENT
$3.5 TRILLION.
>> Bill: NOBODY EVER KNOWS
WITHIN A GIANT BILL LIKE THAT.
LET'S TALK REAL TALK AND NOT GO
TO TALKING POINTS.
>> IT'S WHAT IT'S BEING SPENT
ON.
>> Bill: I REMEMBER YOU SAYING
THE EXACT SAME THING ABOUT
OBAMACARE, IT WAS GOING TO BE
THE END OF FREEDOM.
IT'S BEEN OVER A DECADE, IT
WASN'T, WAS AT?
>> OBAMACARE, TO BE CLEAR -- GO
[APPLAUSE]
WE ARE DEALING WITH THE
AFTERMATH.
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT ISN'T
RELATED TO ONE STIMULUS BILL,
IT'S HOW WE ARE DEALING WITH
EVERYTHING IN THIS COUNTRY RIGHT
NOW.
>> Bill: THEY WANT TO DO
THINGS LIKE NEGOTIATE DRUG
PRICES.
>> I'M FINE WITH THAT.
THEY WANT TO MAKE A D.C. ESTATE,
THEY WANT TO PACK THE COURT.
ALL OF THESE THINGS WILL
RADICALLY -- IT'S NOT MY WORDS,
THE PRESIDENT ON FRIDAY SAID I
WANT TO TRANSFORM THIS COUNTRY.
THREE FRIDAYS AGO HE SAID IF WE
PASSED MY LEGISLATION, IT WILL
FUNDAMENTALLY TRANSFORM THE
STRUCTURE AND NATURE OF THE
COUNTRY, THOSE ARE HIS WORDS,
NOT MINE.
>> Bill: YOUR SITE IS ALWAYS
SAYING -- YOUR OUT OF OFFICE TWO
DAYS IN THE COUNTRY IS AN
IRRETRIEVABLE SHIT HOLE.
IT'S AMAZING TO ME HOW FAST.
TRUMP SLOGAN IS MAKE AMERICA
GREAT AGAIN, AGAIN.
IT'S A PARODY OF ITSELF.
>> TEN MONTHS IN OFFICE, WHAT IS
ONE THING THAT IS GOING WELL
THAT THIS ADMINISTRATION HAS
DONE?
>> Bill: WE DID GET OUT OF
AFGHANISTAN.
HE DID NOT STICK THE LANDING ON
HOW IT WAS DONE I WILL AGREE
WITH THAT BUT UNLIKE HIS
PREDECESSORS WHO TALKED ABOUT IT
AND DIDN'T DO IT, IT WAS A BIG
THING THAT HAD TO BE DONE.
>> I THINK WE ARE GOING TO
REGRET HOW WE DONE THAT FOR
DECADES IF NOT GENERATIONS, WE
HAVE LOST ALL FORWARD PRESENCE.
>> Bill: I KNOW THIS KIND OF
STUFF DOESN'T MEAN A LOT TO YOU
BUT THEY ALSO DID LIFT A LOT OF
CHILDREN OUT OF POVERTY WITH THE
PANDEMIC RELIEF.
[APPLAUSE]
THAT DOESN'T MATTER.
ANOTHER THING THEY WANT TO DO,
DENTAL FOR SENIORS.
A LOT OF ILL HEALTH COMES
THROUGH THE MOUTH, NO JOKE,
SEAN.
[LAUGHTER]
IT IS A PORTAL -- IT'S THE KIND
OF THING THAT'S PENNIES ON THE
DOLLAR IF YOU TAKE CARE OF
SENIORS AND THEIR DENTAL.
>> I THINK THE ONE THING AND YOU
STARTED WITH THIS, THERE'S A LOT
OF THINGS THAT THERE IS A SHARED
GOAL BUT IT'S HOW WE DO THEM.
>> Bill: YES.
>> TOO MANY TIMES THE ANSWER IS
A GOVERNMENT INSTITUTION THAT IS
NOT A WELL RUN, IT'S NOT
EFFICIENT AND WE END UP FOR
DECADES AND GENERATIONS LOOKING
BACK AND SAYING TOO BAD TO.
>> Bill: SO WE ARE JUST
TALKING ABOUT THE NUMBERS?
>> WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HOW TO
DO IT.
I THINK YOU LOOK AT ALL OF THE
SYSTEMS OF GOVERNMENT
HEALTH CARE, VA, HEALTH CARE,
MEDICAID.
>> Bill: WE HAVE TO GET BACK
TO THIS TYPE OF NEGOTIATING, I
THINK THIS IS A REASONABLE
DISCUSSION AS OPPOSED TO KEY
WOULD NONBELIEFS DEMOCRATS EAT
BABIES.
HOW DO YOU NEGOTIATE WITH THAT
PERSON?
WILL MAKE YOU LITTLE BIT ON THE
CORPORATE TAX RATE IF YOU STOP
EATING BABIES?
THAT'S A BIG PART OF YOUR
CONSTITUENCY.
>> NO IT'S NOT.
>> Bill: HE WOULD NONIS NOT?
YOU RENOUNCE CUE SKEWING ON?
>> I DON'T EAT BABIES, NOT
ANYMORE.
>> Bill: THEY ARE ACCUSING THE
OTHER SIDE, THEY ARE SEEING THE
DEMOCRATS EAT BABIES.
>> I DON'T THINK THAT.
>> Bill: WHAT ABOUT THE
ELECTION IS RIGGED AND TRUMP
REALLY WON?
>> I THINK THERE ARE SERIOUS
PROBLEMS -- TIMEOUT.
WHEN YOU LOOK AT PENNSYLVANIA,
WISCONSIN, NEVADA, THE IDEA THAT
WE CHANGED RULES RUNNING UP TO
AN ELECTION IN TERMS OF HOW A
BALLOT WAS COUNTED, WHEN IT WAS
COUNTED, DO YOU THINK
PENNSYLVANIA, THE LAW SIGNED BY
DEMOCRATIC GOVERNOR IN 2019, X77
SIGNED BY GOVERNOR WOLF SAID
THAT ALL BALLOTS HAD TO BE IN --
>> Bill: THERE WAS A PANDEMIC.
>> SO CHANGE THE LAW.
>> Bill: THERE WAS NO TIME TO
DO THAT.
THERE WASN'T.
>> PLENTY OF TIME TO PASS
LEGISLATION IN ALL THESE OTHER
AREAS.
>> Bill: THIS IS A RABBIT HOLE
YOU WANT TO GO DOWN TO AVOID THE
QUESTION, DID TRUMP WIN OR LOSE
THE ELECTION?
>> I DON'T KNOW!
>> Bill: THERE YOU GO BECAUSE
THE WORLD DOES.
>> TELL ME HOW MANY VOTES THAT
GOT CAST ILLEGALLY AND NOT
ACCORDING TO THE SYSTEM --
>> Bill: THIS WAS LITIGATED
AND EVERY COURT EVEN REPUBLICANS
WERE IN CHARGE OF THE VOTE CAME
DOWN ON THE SIDE OF THIS
ELECTION WAS FAIRLY ADJUDICATED,
YOU YOURSELF THEY ASKED YOU
ABOUT FRAUD.
>> WHAT I HAVE SEEN -- THERE'S A
DIFFERENCE.
WHAT PENNSYLVANIA'S
SUPREME COURT DID, WHAT
WISCONSIN'S CLERKS IT DID, THEY
LET PEOPLE -- WISCONSIN DOES NOT
HAVE A PROVISION IN THEIR LAW TO
LET PEOPLE VOTE EARLY IN PERSON,
IT HAS AN ABSENTEE BALLOT
PROVISION.
PEOPLE SET UP TABLES IN PARKS IN
MADISON, WISCONSIN, AND ALLOWED
PEOPLE TO COME WITHOUT
IDENTIFICATION, IN PENNSYLVANIA
THEY WERE ALLOWED TO VOTE
WITHOUT IDENTIFICATION, NO
POSTMARK ON THE BALLOT IN
VIOLATION OF ACT 77 SIGNED BY A
DEMOCRATIC GOVERNOR IN 2019.
THE ANSWER IS DON'T WORRY ABOUT
IT BECAUSE IT'S A PANDEMIC.
WHAT'S THE NEXT THING YOU CAN
JUST BLOW AWAY?
A LAW IS A LAW UNTIL IT'S
CHANGED COME YOU DON'T GET TO
PICK WHAT YOU WANT TO FOLLOW
DEPENDING ON WHAT'S HAPPENING
OUTSIDE.
>> Bill: THIS WAS LOOKED AT
EXHAUSTIVELY.
>> WHAT WAS LOOKED AT IN
WISCONSIN, THE COURT RULED 4-3.
>> Bill: YOU SAID YOUR PIECE,
I HAVEN'T LOOKED AT THIS, YOU'RE
LIKE THAT KID IN SCHOOL --
>> WHO IS RIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: WHO HAS TO ANSWER
ABOUT THE BOOK REPORT SO HE
READS ONE PAGE VERY CAREFULLY
THAT NOBODY ELSE READ AND DOES A
THING ON THAT AND THEN WE DON'T
KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> IT'S YOUR SHOW.
>> Bill: WHAT I DO KNOW IS
THAT THIS WAS LOOKED AT BY
PEOPLE FROM BOTH PTIES AND
PEOPLE HAVE COME DOWN ON THE
IDEA THAT TRUMP LOST THIS
ELECTION AND HE WON'T SAY IT.
AND YOU'RE EITHER A PART OF THE
BIG LIE OR YOU'RE PART OF A
CONSPIRACY.
>> IS NOT A BIG LIE, THE
WISCONSIN STATE AUDIT COMMITTEE
JUST RELEASED A REPORT.
>> Bill: YOU'RE AFRAID OF
TRUMP.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> TIMEOUT, YOU SAID I'M NOT
SEEN -- I WASN'T ON THE
CAMPAIGN, I DID NOT SEE EVIDENCE
OF WIDESPREAD FRAUD.
WHAT I DID SAY IN WHAT I'M
TELLING YOU IS IN CERTAIN STATES
WHERE THEY SENT OUT BALLOTS THAT
WERE NOT REQUESTED IN VIOLATION
OF A LAW, THAT CO SHOULD CONCERN
EVERYBODY.
>> Bill: HE STILL LOST THE
ELECTION.
SO HE DID LOSE THE ELECTION?
>> BIDEN AS PRESIDENT.
>> Bill: YOU WORK IN THE
CONSERVATIVE SPHERE OF MEDIA.
IF YOU SAY WHAT I WANT YOU TO
SAY, WHAT I THINK YOU TRULY
BELIEVE, YOU WON'T GET YOUR JOB
JOB, --
>> I'M STILL GOOD.
>> Bill: THEY PAY YOU, BUT I
THINK IT WILL TAKE YOU OFF THE
AIR AND YOU WANT THE ATTENTION
TO MY DON'T BLAME YOU IF YOU
HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.
THIS IS OUR PROBLEM WITH THE
COUNTRY, WE CAN'T MOVE FORWARD
BECAUSE TWO-THIRDS OF YOUR PARTY
IS BEHOLDEN TO THIS IDEA THAT IS
NOT TRUE.
WHEN THE COUNTRY GOES TO A PLACE
THAT ARE NOT ABOUT ELECTIONS
ABOUT THE ISSUES AND ELECTIONS
BUT ABOUT THE ELECTIONS
THEMSELVES, THEN YOU'RE IN
TROUBLE.
>> IF YOU DON'T THINK STATES
CHANGING RULES -- THAT'S
DIFFERENT.
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN --
>> Bill: IT HAPPEN FOR A
REASON.
>> BECAUSE IT'S A PANDEMIC YOU
CAN DO ANYTHING THAT YOU WANT?
>> Bill: YOUR HIDING ALL OF
THIS ON ONE -- IT'S BULLSHIT.
>> I JUST CITED THREE STATES AND
COURTS THAT HAVE COME OUT ON
THEM, NOT BY ME, NOT BY TRUMP
BUT BY THOSE STATES.
LET'S ARGUE THAT, TELL ME WHAT
YOU FOUND RIGHT ABOUT WHAT ANY
OF THOSE THREE STATES HE DID IN
VIOLATION OF THEIR OWN LAWS?
>> Bill: I HAVEN'T LOOKED AT
IT AS CLOSELY AS YOU HAVE BUT A
LOT OF PEOPLE MORE QUALIFIED
THAN ME HAVING PUTTING PEOPLE IN
YOUR OWN PARTY.
COURTS LOOKED AT IT, THIS WAS
LITIGATED OVER AND OVER AND OVER
AGAIN.
WHAT THEY CAME UP WITH WAS HE
LOST THE ELECTION.
>> THE WISCONSIN COURT RULED 4-
4-3, THEN YOU GO LET'S NOT TALK
ABOUT TORTS.
>> Bill: I APPRECIATE YOU
COMING ON, I KNOW IT WAS A
HOSTILE PLACE TO DO IT, I HOPE
WE'RE STILL FRIENDS,
SEAN SPICER, EVERYBODY, LET'S
MEET OUR PANEL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
SHE'S A STAFF WRITER AT THE
ATLANTIC: CAITLIN FLANAGAN.
HE'S THE DEMOCRATIC SENATOR FROM
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
DELAWARE AND A MEMBER OF THE
JUDICIARY AND FOREIGN RELATIONS
COMMITTEES: SENATOR CHRIS COONS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I SAW YOU YESTERDAY ON TV AND
YOU SAID THERE IS A DEAL WITH
THE DEMOCRATS, THEY ASK YOU, AND
ARE JOE MANCHIN AND
KYRSTEN SINEMA ON BOARD AND YOU
SAID I JUST SPOKE TO BOTH OF
THEM.
THERE IS A DEAL AND IF SO AT
WHAT NUMBER?
>> 1.95 TRILLION.
>> Bill: I HADN'T HEARD THAT
ONE.
>> IT'S GREAT TO BE ON,
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THAT'S A DONE DEAL?
THE SENATE IS GOING TO VOTE FOR
THIS AT THAT NUMBER AND PASS IT?
>> JOE MANCHIN HAS INSISTED ON
GETTING DEFICIT REDUCTION INTO
THE PACKAGE SO THE FRAMEWORK WE
ALL RECEIVED, WE ALL GOT TEXTS
OVER THE WEEKEND, WE GOT TEXT WE
ARE LOOKING AT OVER THIS
WEEKEND, HE WANTED $200 BILLION
IN DEFICIT REDUCTION.
THE REVENUE SIDE COMES IN AT
1.95, THE SPENDING AT 1.75.
THIS IS ONE OF THE BIG THINGS
ABOUT THIS BUILD BACK BETTER
PACKAGE, IT DOESN'T ADD TO THE
DEFICIT AND DEBT AND YOU JUST
REMINDED FOLKS ABOUT --
>> Bill: THAT THIS DOESN'T ADD
TO THE DEFICIT?
>> BECAUSE WE ARE RAISING MORE
MONEY THAN WE ARE SPENDING IN
THIS PACKAGE AND IT DOES SOME
REALLY BIG THINGS IN TERMS OF
DAY CARE, HEALTH CARE, PRE-K, IT
MAKES SIGNIFICANT INVESTMENTS.
>> Bill: WHERE YOU GETTING
THAT 2 TRILLION?
>> 15% CORPORATE RATE MINIMUM,
SOMETHING I THINK IS BROADLY
SUPPORTED.
THERE SHOULDN'T BE COMPANIES
THAT MAKE BILLIONS OF DOLLARS
AND PAID ZERO IN TAXES.
A SURCHARGE ON MILLIONAIRES AND
BILLIONAIRES.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THAT'S ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR
PIECES OF THE PACKAGE, AND IRS
TAX ENFORCEMENT.
WE HAVE A HUGE TAX GAP IN THIS
COUNTRY.
FOLKS WHO DON'T PAY THE TAXES
THEY OWE.
THE BIG THREE REVENUE PIECES,
SURCHARGE, BILLIONAIRES, IRS AND
A CORPORATE TAX.
>> Bill: I WAS TOLD,
SENATOR MANCHIN, YOU FELT LIKE
YOU WERE JUST ABOUT TO LOSE HIM
TO THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, IS
THERE TRUTH TO THAT?
>> THERE WAS AN INTERVIEW SAYING
HE WAS REALLY FRUSTRATED AND HE
FELT LIKE IF YOU PUSH ME ANY
FURTHER, I WILL LEAVE THE
CAUCUS.
>> Bill: WOW.
>> HE PUBLICLY SAID I MIGHT
BECOME AN INDEPENDENT.
THE LARGER POINT HERE IS THAT WE
HAVE A REALLY BIG TENT IN THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY FROM
BERNIE SANDERS AND
ELIZABETH WARREN COME ALL THE
WAY TO MANCHIN AND SINEMA, THE
CHALLENGE WE FACE IS THERE IS NO
REPUBLIK IT'S HELPING US DOING
THIS, THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS
WERE AT THE TABLE HELPING WITH
DAY CARE AND CHILD CARE AND
HEALTH CARE.
WE'VE GOT TO COME ALL OF US.
>> Bill: WHAT GOT THROWN UNDER
THE BUS IS FAMILY LEAVE,
COMMUNITY COLLEGE, PRESCRIPTION
DRUGS, BUT WHAT STAYED IN -- AND
I'M GIVING YOU THIS -- IS THE
CLIMATE STUFF.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THAT TO ME IS THE RIGHT PRIORITY
AND OF COURSE THE PRESIDENT IS
GOING TO GLASGOW, THAT IS THE
26TH DIFFERENT -- 26 CLIMATE
SUMMITS, WHY WOULD THIS ONE BE
ANY DIFFERENT?
>> YOU CAN SEE WHY KIDS ARE SO
DESPAIRING, YOUNG PEOPLE.
SILENT SPRING WAS PUBLISHED 60
YEARS AGO, THERE IS NO SURPRISE
THAT WE ARE POISONING THE PLANET
EMMA WE HAVE KNOWN IT ALL OF MY
LIFETIME AND THESE KIDS HAVE
GROWN UP, A LOT OF KIDS WERE
BORN AFTER "AN INCONVENIENT
TRUTH" AND THEY ARE LOOKING TO
ADULTS TO SAY THERE IS A CRISIS
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT AND
IT'S ANOTHER MEETING IN SCOTLAND
AND WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN AND
THERE'S GOING TO BE SOME --
>> Bill: DID YOU SEE GRETA
SAYING ALMOST WHAT YOU ARE
SAYING BUT IN 19-YEAR-OLD, I
FIND THIS AMUSING.
>> BUILD BACK BETTER, GREEN
ECONOMY, NET ZERO BY 205027,
CLIMATE NEUTRAL, BLAH BLAH.
THIS IS ALL WE HEAR FROM OUR
SO-CALLED LEADERS WORDS THAT
SOUND GREAT BUT SO FAR HAVE LED
TO NO ACTION.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: IT'S SO EASY TO GET
MAD AT THE LEADERS, WHAT I WOULD
LIKE TO SAY TO GRETA AND
EVERYBODY ELSE IS LEADERS ARE
ALWAYS A REFLECTION OF THE
PEOPLE THEY REPRESENT.
HERE IS THE LATEST POLL, 69% OF
AMERICANS INCLUDING A MAJORITY
OF REPUBLICANS WANT THE U.S. TO
TAKE AGGRESSIVE ACTION TO FIGHT
CLIMATE CHANGE.
ONLY A THIRD WOULD SUPPORT AN
EXTRA TAX OF $100 A YEAR.
IF YOU CAN GET IT DONE AROUND
THE $90 MARK, I AM SO GOOD TO GO
GO.
>> SAVE THE PLANET FOR 90 BUCKS.
>> Bill: IT'S SUCH BULLSHIT
AND WHY DON'T YOU GUYS EVER GO
FOR A CARBON TAX?
WOULDN'T THAT BE A B THING TO D?
SO YOU ARE FOR THAT?
>> SENATOR JEFF FLAKE AND I
INTRODUCED A BIPARTISAN CARBON
TAX BILL IN A PREVIOUS CONGRESS,
WE ARE PUSHING HARD FOR A PRICE
ON CARBON AND A CARBON
ADJUSTMENT BUT FRANKLY, WE DON'T
HAVE ALL 50 DEMOCRATS IN
POSITION TO DO THAT YET.
THAT IS ABSOLUTELY THE MOST
POWERFUL THING WE COULD DO.
THERE WILL BE BETWEEN THE
BIPARTISAN INFRASTRUCTURE BILL
AND THE BUILD BACK BETTER BILL,
A TRILLION DOLLARS IN
INVESTMENTS, AND CLIMATE
RESILIENCY, IN THE TRANSITION TO
A CLEANER ECONOMY.
I'M OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER ONE A
TRILLION DOLLARS WAS A LOT OF
MONEY, SO THAT IS BOLD.
BRIEFLY ON THE HISTORY BECAUSE
HER CRITIQUE IS A PRETTY PAINFUL
ONE.
PRESIDENT OBAMA CAMPAIGNED ON
AND RAN ON COMBATING CLIMATE
CHANGE IN HIS ADMINISTRATION DID
A LOT AND THEN WE ELECTED A GUY
WHO SAID CLIMATE CHANGE IS A
HOAX AND WE SHOULDN'T DO
ANYTHING ABOUT IT AND HIS
ADMINISTRATION --
>> Bill: I DON'T KNOW THAT
ANYBODY'S EVER DONE A LOT
BECAUSE THE AMOUNT OF THE THREE
BIG OIL, NATURAL GAS, AND COAL
THAT WE USE HAS STAYED THE SAME.
EVEN DURING THE PANDEMIC WHEN WE
WERE INSIDE HIDING.
IT WENT UP, THE AMOUNT OF CARBON
WE PUT IN THE ATMOSPHERE.
>> WE WERE ON THE EDGE IN THE
70s AFTER SILENT SPRING AND
AFTER THERE WERE RIVERS IN OHIO
THAT CAUGHT ON FIRE.
>> Bill: CLEVELAND, YEAH.
>> WRITES.
EVEN UNDER THE NIXON
ADMINISTRATION, THE EPA WAS
STARTED AND THINGS WERE REALLY
ON TRACK AND ENVIRONMENTALISM
WAS A VERY POPULAR SUBJECT, IT
WAS A BIPARTISAN SUBJECT, NOBODY
WANTED THE COUNTRY POISONS THAT
WAY AND THEN RONALD REAGAN CAME
IN AND THERE WERE LOTS OF NICE,
EASY PLACES TO CUT AND CUT AND
CUT AND EVER SINCE THEN WE HAVE
BEEN SO FAR BEHIND THE EIGHT
BALL AND THERE'S LOTS OF YOUNG
PEOPLE, THEY DON'T WANT TO HAVE
CHILDREN FOR THE SIMPLE REASON
THAT THEY DON'T BELIEVE THERE
WILL BE A PLANET KIDS SHOULD BE
BORN INTO.
GOD LOVE YOU WORKING ON THIS BUT
EVEN THAT IT SOUNDS REALLY SLOW
GIVEN THE SEVERITY AND IMMEDIACY
OF THIS CRISIS.
>> CALIFORNIA IS ON FIRE, WE'VE
HAD RECORD TORNADOES,
HURRICANES, I DON'T SEE HOW
ANYONE CAN CREDIBLY RUN FOR
PRESIDENT SAYING CLIMATE CHANGE
IS A HOAX.
WE'VE GOT THE MOST LIKELY
REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE IN 2024 IT
STILL SAYING CLIMATE CHANGE IS A
HOAX.
>> Bill: I COULD GIVE YOU LIKE
TEN REASONS WHY I'M STILL
PESSIMISTIC ABOUT IT
INCLUDING -- WE ONLY RECENTLY
PASSED THE 50% MARK OF PEOPLE
WHO BELIEVE CLIMATE CHANGE IS
CAUSED BY HUMANS.
I JUST TOLD YOU HOW MANY PEOPLE
ARE WILLING TO SPEND HOW MUCH
MONEY.
WE ARE NOT SERIOUS.
THE OTHER REASON I'M PESSIMISTIC
IS BECAUSE WE ARE SO CONCERNED
ABOUT THE PAST.
LET ME TO SWITCH THAT.
THERE'S AN ELECTION IT'S GOING
ON IN VIRGINIA IN NOVEMBER, OFF
YEAR ELECTION, THEY ARE VERY
RARE.
BUT VIRGINIA HAS THEM, THE
COMMONWEALTH OR WHATEVER THEY
CALL VIRGINIA, IT'S ONE OF THOSE
WEIRD -- WE ARE STILL IN THIS
18TH CENTURY --
TERRY McAULIFFE, HE WAS THE
GOVERNOR, HE'S RUNNING AGAIN.
HE SHOULD WALK AWAY WITH IT,
BIDEN WON THE STATE BY TEN
POINTS, IT HASN'T GONE STATEWIDE
FOR REPUBLICAN SINCE 2009, HE'S
NECK AND NECK BECAUSE THE ISSUE
BECAME SCHOOLS.
I SAID THIS MONTHS AND MONTHS
AGO, THE ISSUE IN THE COMING
ELECTIONS IS GOING TO BE WHAT'S
GOING ON IN THE SCHOOLS.
PARENTS VOTE AND THEY DON'T LIKE
WHAT'S GOING ON IN SCHOOL, THEY
FEEL LIKE THEY ARE LOSING
CONTROL AND THIS BECAME THE
ISSUE IN THIS ELECTION.
TRUST ME, THIS IS GOING TO BE A
HUGE BAROMETER KIND OF ELECTION
BECAUSE TERRY McAULIFFE LOSES,
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SAY THAT'S
RIGHT, IT IS GOING TO BE ABOUT
THAT.
HERE'S WHAT TERRY McAULIFFE
SAID AND WE'LL GET INTO THE
BACKDROP OF THIS.
HE SAID I'M NOT GOING TO LET
PARENTS COME INTO SCHOOLS -- NOT
A GOOD IDEA, THAT RIGHT THERE,
DEMOCRATS ARE SO USED TO TALKING
TO TEACHERS.
THIS IS A MIGHT DROP APPLAUSE
LINE TO TEACHERS, NOT SO MUCH
WITH PARENTS.
"I'M NOT GOING TO LET PARENTS
COME INTO SCHOOLS AND TAKE BOOKS
OUT AND MAKE THEIR OWN
DECISIONS.
I DON'T THINK PARENTS SHOULD BE
TELLING SCHOOLS WHAT THEY SHOULD
TEACH.
"JUST ON THE POLITICAL LEVEL,
FUCKING -- EXCUSE ME, VERY
STUPID.
[LAUGHTER]
>> I WAS A SCHOOLTEACHER BEFORE
I BECAME A WRITER, I TAUGHT
SCHOOL FOR TEN YEARS.
THERE IS NOTHING MORE INCENDIARY
THAN THE IDEA THAT TEACHERS WANT
TO TEACH SOMETHING PARENTS DON'T
WANT THEIR KIDS TO LEARN AND
THAT'S WHAT THE SCOPES MONKEY
TRIAL WAS ALL ABOUT.
IT WAS TEACH EVOLUTION IN
TENNESSEE IN THE 1920s, A VERY
BRAVE TEACHER IN AN ACTIVE CIVIL
DISOBEDIENCE SAID I'M NOT GOOD
TO TEACH ABOUT IN A SCIENCE
CLASSROOM AND CLARENCE DARROW
CAME DOWN AND DEFENDED HIM AND
SAID IF YOU CAN'T TEACH IT IN
THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS TODAY, YOU
CAN'T TEACH IT IN THE PRIVATE
SCHOOLS TOMORROW, YOU CAN'T
TEACH IT IN THE PUBLIC SQUARE,
THIS IS ALL BACK WHEN WE THOUGHT
FREE SPEECH WAS A GOOD THING.
SETTING ASIDE THE VERY REAL
ISSUES THAT ARE UNDERGIRDING
THIS WHOLE DISCUSSION,
POLITICALLY IT WAS SUCH A STUPID
THING TO SAY.
>> Bill: THE UNDERGIRD IS THIS
THIS.
IT'S A BOOK BEING TAUGHT, TONI
MORRISON'S "BELOVED."
THAT'S A BOOK THAT SHOULD BE
TAUGHT, IT IS FULL OF STUFF THAT
IS DIFFICULT BUT WE ARE TALKING
ABOUT 17, 18-YEAR-OLD KIDS.
IT HAS BEAST REALITY, SEX, AND
VIOLENCE, ALL OF WHICH THEY SAW
ON THEIR PHONE WHEN THEY WERE
TEN WHEN YOU LET THEM LOCK
THEMSELVES UP IN THEIR ROOM.
>> I THINK DEMOCRATS ARE PICKING
UP ON THIS BELOVED ISSUE, THE
ISSUE HERE IS, EIGHT YEARS AGO
SOME WOMAN'S SON READ BELOVED IN
AP LITERATURE AND HE HAD A
NIGHTMARE, IT'S A GHOST STORY,
THAT WAS A GOOD RESPONSE.
IT'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
BELOVED IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE,
THAT'S A NATIONAL ISSUE, IS NOT
A STATE ISSUE, THE AP'S NATIONAL
TEST AND ORGANIZATION.
ALL DUE RESPECT TO THIS MOTHER,
TRULY, SOME KIDS AREN'T READY
FOR AP.
THAT IS A COLLEGE CLASS, IT'S
NOT A HIGH SCHOOL CLASS.
[APPLAUSE]
I THINK THE ISSUE IS, PEOPLE ARE
LOOKING AT THAT IT'S A RACIST
ISSUE AND RACE IS ALL THROUGHOUT
THIS, BUT I THINK IT'S MORE
COMPLEX THAN THAT BOOK.
>> Bill: I THINK IT'S GOOD
THAT IT'S COMING TO THE FORE
BECAUSE WE HAVE TO START
DEFINING WHAT "CRITICAL RACE
THEORY" MEANS.
IT MEANS SOMETHING TO EVERYBODY
WHEN THEY HEAR IT.
IF IT MEANS YOU TEACH TONI
MORRISON, I'M FOR IT.
>> IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT.
HERE'S THE THING ABOUT CRITICAL
RACE THEORY IN THE SCHOOLS, OF
COURSE YOU CAN TEACH IT IN THE
SCHOOLS, THERE'S NOTHING YOU
CAN'T TEACH IF YOU TEACH IT IN
SOCRATIC METHOD, IT CAN BE IN A
GOVERNMENT CLASS, A U.S. HISTORY
CLASS, IS THE WAY YOU LOOK AT
MARXISM AS A FRAMEWORK, IT IS A
LOT OF DIFFERENT FRAMEWORKS,
WHAT YOU CANNOT DO AND WHAT IS
HAPPENING IS YOU CAN'T SET
SCHOOL POLICY BY DEFINING
CRITICAL RACE THEORY, YOU CAN'T
REWRITE A CURRICULUM AND HE
REALLY CANNOT TREAT CHILDREN IN
A WAY THAT YOU ARE PULLING THEM
OUT BY RACE AND GIVING THEM
DIFFERENT MESSAGES AND THAT IS
WHAT YOU CANNOT DO AND IT'S
HAPPENING.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: IF THAT IS WHAT
CRITICAL RACE THEORY MEANS, IF
IT MEANS SEPARATING 5-YEAR-OLDS
BY RACE AND TELLING SOME YOUR
OPPRESSORS AND THE OTHERS YOU
ARE THE OPPRESSED AND GIVING UP
ON A COLOR-BLIND SOCIETY AND
RESEGREGATION AND RACISM IS THE
ESSENCE OF AMERICA, THEN I'M
OUT.
>> THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
>> Bill: BUT I'M IN ON TONI
MORRISON, I'M IN ON
ACKNOWLEDGING RACISM STILL
PERSISTS.
>> WE DON'T NEED TONI MORRISON,
WE JUSTIFY HER ON LITERARY
GROUNDS.
THIS IS GREAT AMERICAN WRITER,
IF PEOPLE ARE PUTTING TOGETHER A
LITERATURE PROGRAM WHO WOULDN'T
INCLUDE ONE NOVEL BY MORRISON,
THAT IS WHAT SPEAKS LOUDLY TO
YOUNG PEOPLE.
THERE ARE ALL SORTS OF WAYS TO
BUILD CURRICULA THAT DON'T HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH -- LISTEN,
TERRY McAULIFFE, I'M A
DEMOCRAT, I LOVE YOU, BUT HE'S A
HALF POLITICIAN AND HE'S SIDING
WITH THE TEACHERS UNION BECAUSE
HE'S LIKE THAT IS WHERE HIS
BREAD IS BUTTERED.
HE SENT ALL HIS KIDS TO PRIVATE
SCHOOLS AND HE'S NEVER IN HIS
LIFE HAD SOMEONE TELL HIM WE ARE
GOING TO TELL YOUR 8-YEAR-OLD
CHILD IS SOMETHING YOU DON'T
WANT HER TO KNOW AND WE ARE
GOING TO KEEP HER SEVEN HOURS TO
DO IT AND YOU HAVE NO CONTROL.
THIS IS A BIG ISSUE, DEMOCRATS
ARE GOING TO LEARN TO GO RUN
SOME PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATES, ONE
PEOPLE WHO STAND FOR PROGRESSIVE
IDEAS.
DON'T RUN THESE RETREADS, WHERE
ARE WE GETTING THE IS?
JOE BIDEN, AT LEAST HE GOT IN
BUT TERRY McAULIFFE, THERE'S
GOT TO BECOME A THANK GOD YOU
ARE HERE, WE NEED YOU.
THAT'S ALL I'M GOING TO SAY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: I DON'T KNOW IF THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY IS LACKING FOR
PROGRESSIVE POLITICIANS.
>> WE SEEM TO HAVE PLENTY.
>> WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A
PROGRESSIVE?
IT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN
THESE WACKY NEW SOCIAL IDEAS, IT
MEANS YOU STAND --
>> Bill: WHATEVER IT IS,
JOE BIDEN SIGNED ONTO IT FULLY.
HE'S 110 BUT HE SIGNED ONTO
THAT.
>> WE USED TO STAND FOR THE
WORKING MAN AND WOMAN, THAT'S
WHO WE WERE.
>> THAT IS THE AGENDA THAT THE
PRESIDENT IS MOVING FORWARD.
>> THE POLICIES ARE BETTER.
>> IT IS NOT A RADICAL PLAN.
[APPLAUSE]
WHAT WE HAVE BEEN WORKING ON FOR
WEEKS AND WEEKS AND I BELIEVE WE
WILL DELIVER IN THE COMING WEEK
IS A PLAN IT'S GOING TO DEAL
WITH THE COSTS THAT KEEP WORKING
FAMILIES UP AT NIGHT.
HEALTH CARE, DAY CARE, PRE-K,
ELDERCARE, THESE ARE THINGS THAT
MATTER AND COMBATING CLIMATE
CHANGE.
THAT'S NOT A RADICAL PLAN,
THAT'S SIMPLY DEALING WITH
THINGS THAT ARE RIGHT IN FRONT
OF US.
>> Bill: OKAY, SO IT'S
HALLOWEEN EVE?
TODAY, FRIDAY.
SUNDAY IS HALLOWEEN AND IT'S
TIME FOR PART TWO OF OUR ANNUAL
HALLOWEEN MOVIES BIT TO GO LAST
WEEK WE TALKED ABOUT WOKE HORROR
MOVIES, THAT IS AN ACTUAL GENRE
AFTER GET OUT.
WE HAD ONES LIKE I KNOW WHAT YOU
TWEETED LAST SUMMER.
BUT THERE'S ALSO CONSERVATIVE
HALLOWEEN MOVIES BECAUSE WHO
LIVES ON FEAR MORE THAN THE
RIGHT WING?
FOX'S WHOLE BUSINESS MODEL IS
FEAR.
THESE ARE SOME OF THE MOVIES
CONSERVATIVES ARE WATCHING THIS
HALLOWEEN, THESE ARE THINGS THAT
SCARE CONSERVATIVES.
ROSEMARY'S ANCHOR BABY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THAT'S VERY SCARY TO
CONSERVATIVES.
THE CRITICAL RACE THEORY SEMINAR
AT THE END OF THE STREET.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
PRESIDENT EVIL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NIGHT OF THE LIVING WAGE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THE MAN IN THE IRONIC MASK.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
HEATHER HAS TWO MUMMYS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
HOUSE OF VAX.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
SCARY, THESE ARE SCARY TO
CONSERVATIVES.
FRIDAY THE JUNETEENTH.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
JEWS.
[LAUGHTER]
AND OF COURSE.
HUSBAND OF CHUCKY.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I'M NOT SURE WHAT THE LATEST
DR. FAUCI THING WAS ON
HALLOWEEN, HE'S CHANGED HIS MIND
A LOT BUT I THINK IT WAS "GO AND
DO IT?"
I HOPE SO BECAUSE IT'S BEEN MY
POSITION SINCE THE BEGINNING OF
THIS, JUST RESUME LIVING.
THE 15 OF 100,000, THAT'S WHERE
WE ARE CASES IN CALIFORNIA, 15
CASES PER 100,000 PEOPLE, I KNOW
SOME PEOPLE SEEM TO NOT WANT TO
GIVE UP ON THE WONDERFUL
PANDEMIC BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S OVER.
THERE'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE A
VARIANCE, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO
WEAR MASKS.
I HAVEN'T HAD A MEETING WITH MY
STAFF SINCE MARCH OF 2020, WHY?
THE STATE, WHOEVER IT IS, YOU'RE
BEING FUCKING -- SORRY, AGAIN.
YOU'RE A SENATOR AND YOU
SHOULDN'T HEAR BAD LANGUAGE, I
FORGET TO.
>> I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT WORD!
>> Bill: VACCINE, MASK, PICK
ONE.
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME MASK IF I'VE
HAD THE VACCINE.
>> I HAVE BROKEN UP WITH COVID,
I STAYED AT HOME FOR THE FIRST
YEAR, I WAS A GOOD GIRLFRIEND,
HE WAS LITTLE ABUSIVE, I GOT A
VACCINE TO MY WALKED OUT OF THE
CVS I BEEN THAT THRILLED COMING
OUT OF A DRUG STORE SINCE I GOT
THE BIRTH CONTROL PILL IN 1981.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I'M BACK.
I'M NOT GOING TO NEED THIS EVERY
DAY BUT WHEN I DO NEED IT, IT'S
ON BOARD, THEN I BARELY GOT
THERE AND IT WAS LIKE IT'S DELT
DELTA.
I CAN'T KEEP UP.
I HAVE CANCER, I'M TRIPLE FA --M
NOT STAYING IN MY HOUSE AGAIN.
>> Bill: I TRAVEL IN EVERY
STATE NOW BACK ON THE ROAD AND
THE RED STATES ARE A JOY IN THE
BLUE STATES ARE A PAIN IN THE
ASS.
FOR NO REASON.
>> WE ARE ALL TIRED OF THIS
VACCINE.
>> Bill: YOU'RE NOT TIRED OF
THE VACCINE.
>> WE ARE TIRED OF THE PANDEMIC.
>> Bill: I SAVE YOU, YOU SAVE
ME.
>> AND I WON'T SWEAR.
[LAUGHTER]
ONE OF THE CRITICAL THINGS THAT
IS BEING DISCUSSED RIGHT NOW BY
PRESIDENT BIDEN AND WE HAVE TO
RECOMMIT OURSELVES TO HIS
SUPPORTING VACCINATION AROUND
THE REST OF THE WORLD.
[APPLAUSE]
THERE ARE STILL A LOT OF
COUNTRIES THAT ARE MINIMALLY
VACCINATED BECAUSE IF A VARIANCE
DEVELOPS OUT IN THE WORLD THAT
IS ABLE TO DEFEAT THE VACCINE,
WE ARE ALL THE WAY BACK AT THE
BEGINNING.
IN THE UNITED STATES, AND MOST
OF THE WESTERN WORLD WE ARE
READY TO BE DONE WITH THIS BUT
WE ARE NOT DONE UNTIL THE WORLD
IS SAFE AND WE ARE NOT SAFE
UNTIL THE WORLD IS VACCINATED.
>> Bill: THE WORLD RECOGNIZES
NATURAL IMMUNITY, WE DON'T.
BECAUSE EVERYTHING IN THIS
COUNTRY HAS TO GO THROUGH THE
PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANY >>
NATURAL IMMUNITY IS THE BEST
KIND OF IMMUNITY, WE SHOULD FIRE
PEOPLE THAT HAVE NATURAL
IMMUNITY WON'T GET THE VACCINE,
WE SHOULD HIRE THEM.
>> IF SOMEONE HAS ANTIBODIES.
>> Bill: PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD
IT, I'VE HAD IT, I SHOULDN'T BE
TESTED ANYMORE.
I'VE HAD THE VACCINE.
>> IF SOMEBODY IS WILLING TO BE
A FIREMAN, POLICEMAN, GO INTO A
BURNING BUILDING AND IT SAYS I'M
JUST NOT THAT AFRAID OF COVID
AND I DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE
VACCINE, THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH.
SHOULDN'T BE LOSING HIS JOB,
SHOULD BE FURLOUGHED WITHOUT
PAY, THE GUY THAT SAVED LIVES
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO TAKE
A VACCINE, IT'S RIDICULOUS.
>> Bill: A LITTLE MESSAGING.
I SEE IT ALL THE TIME, I SOUGHT
DRIVING INTO DAY.
PEOPLE OUTSIDE, ALONE WALKING
WITH A MASK.
IT'S SO STUPID.
IT'S AN AMULET.
A CHARM PEOPLE WHERE.
THAT WARDS AWAY EVIL SPIRIT, IT
MEANS NOTHING.
CAN'T WE GET PEOPLE TO
UNDERSTAND THE FACTS MORE?
LISTEN TO THIS.
FOR UNVACCINATED HOSPITALIZATION
RISK, ON VACCINATED, 41% OF
DEMOCRATS THOUGHT IT WAS OVER
50%.
UNVACCINATED -- I DON'T HAVE
THAT.
HOSPITALIZATION RATES FOR THE
VACCINATED IS ACTUALLY .01% AND
THE RATE FOR THE UNVACCINATED IS
.89%, IN BOTH CASES, THE CORRECT
ANSWER IS LESS THAN 1%, THEY
THOUGHT IT WAS OVER 50.
HOW DO PEOPLE ESPECIALLY OF ONE
PARTY GET SUCH A BAD IDEA, WHERE
DID THAT COME FROM?
>> HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS.
WE'VE GOT SAFE, EFFECTIVE
VACCINES THAT HAVE SAVED
MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF LIVES.
HERE'S THE BAD NEWS, 700,000
AMERICANS HAVE DIED.
HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF THEM
NEEDLESSLY.
I'M WILLING TO GIVE
PRESIDENT TRUMP IN THE PREVIOUS
ADMINISTRATION AND CONGRESS
CREDIT FOR OPERATION WARP SPEED
FOR DEVELOPING THESE REMARKABLE
LIFE-SAVING, WORLD SAVING
VACCINES BUT I FRANKLY THINK WE
SHOULDN'T LET UP ON THE URGENCY
OF STILL PROMOTING VACCINATION
SO WE CAN ENJOY REOPENING OUR
SOCIETY, GETTING BACK TO NORMAL
LIFE.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: BUT THERE IS NO
CONSENSUS REALLY ON THAT NUMBER
OF HOW MANY HAVE DIED EXACTLY
FROM COVID OR COMPLICATIONS FROM
COVID TO.
ANECDOTALLY WHEN COLIN POWELL --
>> IT'S HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS.
>> Bill: COLIN POWELL DIED, HE
HAD CANCER AND PARKINSON'S AND
ALL I HEARD WAS HE DIED FROM
COVID TO.
YES, IF YOU ARE VERY SICK,
SOMETHING IS GOING TO --
>> THERE WAS A WOMAN IN
"THE NEW YORK TIMES," SHE'S 113
AND COVID TOOK HER OUT.
SHE'S 113.
THAT'S ENOUGH, THAT'S ENOUGH OF
YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
I'M TELLING YOU, I HAVE CANCER.
>> DO NOT RUN FOR OFFICE.
>> Bill: YOU'LL LOSE THE
113-YEAR-OLD VOTE.
[LAUGHTER]
SPEAK OF THE CENTENARIAN
DEMOGRAPHIC.
>> I LOOK AT NUMBERS ALL THE
TIME BECAUSE OF CANCER, I LOOK
AT THIS COVID STUFF AND IT'S
LIKE ANYONE I KNOW WITH CANCER
WOULD GIVE ANYTHING FOR THOSE
ODDS AND WE ARE LOOKING AT
PEOPLE WITH COMPLICATED HEALTH
HISTORIES A LOT OF THE TIME.
WE ARE LOOKING AT OBESITY AS AN
ISSUE BUT NO ONE WANTS TO SAY IT
BECAUSE IT'S A BODY POSITIVITY.
AND WE ARE LOOKING AT POVERTY,
THAT'S WHERE WE NEED TO FOCUS,
PEOPLE LIVING CLOSE TOGETHER.
THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE IN
DIFFERENT POOR COMMUNITIES THAT
DON'T WANT TO TAKE IT TO.
WE HAVE TO TAKE OUR CHANCES, BE
THOUGHTFUL AND CAREFUL AND GO
BACK OUT THERE AND MAKE SURE
THAT PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN DENSE
HOUSING HAVE COMPLETE ACCESS TO
THE VACCINE.
IF THEY DON'T WANT TO TAKE IT --
>> Bill: WE GOT TO GET BACK TO
LIFE, LOOK AT THE SPORTING
EVENTS.
ALL THREE SPORTS ARE PLAYING NOW
INCLUDING BASKETBALL WHICH IS
INSIDE.
NOBODY SEEMS TO BE HAVING
SUPER-SPREADER EVENTS.
IT WAS GREAT, IT WAS SO MUCH FUN
HAVING A PANDEMIC.
[LAUGHTER]
BYE-BYE.
>> A CHANCE TO IMPROVE OUR
BAKING SKILLS AND WALK OUR DOG.
>> Bill: I KNOW YOUR NEW
ARTICLE IN THE ATLANTIC IS ABOUT
TOXIC MASCULINITY.
>> IT'S ABOUT HEROIC
MASCULINITY.
>> Bill: FIGHTING THE IDEA.
DOES ANOTHER THING THAT PARENTS
I THINK AROUND THE COUNTRY ARE
CONCERNED ABOUT, I'VE READ THIS
IN SCHOOLS IS BOYS ARE SOMETIMES
CASTIGATED FOR BASICALLY JUST
BEING BOYS.
>> IT'S JUST AWFUL.
WE HAD THIS WONDERFUL CHANGE IN
OUR CULTURE, WE GET IT, IT'S
GREAT TO BE GAY, WE ARE WAY
AHEAD ON TRANS ISSUES AND
WOMEN'S ISSUES AND FEMINISM AND
ALL THAT.
BUT IF YOU GET A BOY AND HE
WANTS TO RUN FAST AND HE WANTS
TO KICK THINGS AND HE WANTS TO
JUMP, TOXIC MASCULINITY.
HE LIKES STORIES ABOUT HEROES,
THERE WAS A BIG ARTICLE IN
"THE NEW YORK TIMES" SOME WOMAN
IS SAYING I'M REALLY CONCERNED
ABOUT MY THREE SONS, THEY LIKE
STORIES ABOUT SAVING THE DAY,
THE LIKE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES
WHERE THEY CAN BE A HERO, THAT'S
CALLED HEROIC MASCULINITY
COMMITS A REAL THING.
WE NEED IT'S, IT'S BEEN PART OF
HUMANITY SINCE THE BEGINNING,
THAT'S WHAT RAN UP THOSE TOWERS,
THOSE THREE HUNTERS SOMETHING
MEN WHO GAVE THEIR LIVES FOR
OTHERS.
THAT WAS HEROIC MASCULINITY AND
THERE'S SOMETHING SICK AND
POISONED THAT THIS IDEA THAT
BOYS ARE BAD AND THEY HAVE TO BE
WATCHED AND HAVE TO BE RETRAINED
AND THE PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO
BE WATCHING AND RETRAINING ARE
WOMEN, THE PEOPLE WHO RAISE BOYS
YOU NEED TO HAVE MEN VERY
INVOLVED BECAUSE BOYS WANT TO
GROW UP TO BE MEN.
I THINK WE ARE GOING TO NOT BE
IN A GOOD PLACE.
IF YOU WANT TO MAKE TOXIC
MASCULINITY, IF YOU WANT TO
CREATE TOXIC MASCULINITY, TELL
THESE BOYS FROM PRESCHOOL ON
THAT THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG
WITH THEM AND THE THINGS THEY
WANT TO DO ARE WRONG, THEY MIGHT
BE RIGHT FOR THIS GIRL OVER HERE
BUT FOR YOU THEY ARE WRONG AND
THEY ARE DANGEROUS.
AND A LOT OF PARENTS FEEL THIS
WAY AND THERE'S GOT TO BE A WAY
TO CELEBRATE ALL THE DIVERSITY
OF GENDERS AND SEXUAL
EXPRESSION, ET CETERA, AND STILL
SAY THERE IT IS A VERY LARGE
NUMBER OF BOYS WHO ARE THIS WAY.
>> Bill: SOME OF IT IS BAKED
INTO THE CAKE OF US BEING MEN IS
NOT GOOD TO BE PERFECT.
I FEEL LIKE IT'S STILL SOMEWHAT
POPULAR WITH WOMEN.
[LAUGHTER]
>> YOU TELL ME.
>> WHERE BOTH PARENTS OF TWIN
BOYS, WE BOTH HAVE TWIN BOYS IN
THEIR 20s, I ALSO HAVE A
DAUGHTER.
ONE OF THE THINGS WE FOCUSED ON
AND RAISING OUR KIDS WAS GIVING
THEM A MODEL THAT'S POSITIVE FOR
HEROIC ADULTHOOD.
IN CONGRESS, WHETHER IT'S
SPEAKER PELOSI OR THE
SENATOR FROM MARYLAND, TOUGH AS
NAILS, CAPABLE, I WOULD SAY
HEROIC ROLE MODELS.
>> IDENTIFIED BOTH OF THEM AS
WOMEN, DO YOU?
I'M TALKING ABOUT MASCULINITY
COMMITS A THING.
WE'VE DECIDED IT'S NOT A THING,
AND WE'VE DECIDED THERE'S NO
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND
WOMEN.
SENATOR PELOSI, GOD LOVE HER,
I'M NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR HER TO
COME UNDER THE BURNING BUILDING
AND GET ME OUT.
I'M AS STRONG A WOMAN AS YOUR
EVER GOING TO GET WITHIN THE
FEEBLE WORLD WHICH I WORK, BUT
I'M STRONG, I KNOW A LOT OF
EARLY TOUGH WOMEN, I KNOW A LOT
OF WOMEN ARE HEROES, IT'S
DIFFERENT TO BE A MAN.
IT'S DIFFERENT, HEROIC
MASCULINITY.
THE UGLY TRUTH THAT NOBODY WANTS
TO ADMIT IS MEN ARE STRONGER,
THEY ARE BIGGER, THEY'RE FASTER,
THEY HAVE A BETTER SENSE OF
SPATIAL OBJECTS WHICH IS WHY
THEY BLOW US OUT OF THE WATER IN
SPORTS AND WOMEN CAN'T KEEP UP.
THAT'S JUST THE TRUTH.
AS A GROUP, A LOT OF BOYS ARE
SAYING WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL
THIS?
WHAT'S THE POINT OF BEING FASTER
AND STRONGER AND BIGGER, IT'S TO
PROTECT INNOCENT PEOPLE.
IT TO BE THAT PERSON WHO GOES
INTO THE BURNING BUILDING.
THAT'S WHAT I'M ALL ABOUT AND
THERE'S PLENTY OF GREAT WOMEN
FIREFIGHTERS, PLENTY OF GREAT
WOMEN COPS.
BUT NANCY PELOSI IS NOT AN
EXAMPLE OF HEROIC MASCULINITY.
>> THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS SAYING.
I WAS SAYING IT'S IMPORTANT FOR
OUR CHILDREN TO HAVE POSITIVE
EXAMPLES OF THE HEROIC, AND FOR
YOUNG BOYS TO UNDERSTAND HOW TO
TREAT OTHERS RESPECTFULLY, AND
HOW TO FEEL FULLY EMPOWERED TO
BE HEROIC.
>> IT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF
HEROISM THAT YOU WOULD MODEL FOR
YOUR SONS AND A PARTICULAR WAIT
FOR YOUR DAUGHTER?
ARE YOU THINK HEROISM IS THE
SAME?
>> I THINK THERE'S A CERTAIN
QUALITIES, LOYALTY,
DECISIVENESS, COMMITMENT,
WILLINGNESS TO TAKE RISKS,
SERVICE TO OTHERS THAT ARE
ADMIRABLE IN MEN AND WOMEN.
MY BOYS WRESTLED AND PLAYED
FOOTBALL AND PLAYED LACROSSE AND
I'M VERY PROUD OF THEM.
BUT WE ALSO HELP THEM UNDERSTAND
HOW TO TREAT OTHERS WITH
RESPECT, HOW TO BE POSITIVE.
>> Bill: I HAVE TO
RESPECTFULLY AND NOT GET THERE,
YOU VERY MUCH.
TIME FOR NEW RULES, EVERYBODY,
NEW RULES.
NEW RULE: THE BRITISH ACTIVIST
WHO SET UP THIS PROTEST OUTSIDE
DOWNING STREET AFTER PARLIAMENT
VOTED AGAINST AN ENVIRONMENT
BILL, NEEDS TO BE MORE DIRECT.
[LAUGHTER]
PEOPLE DON'T SEE THIS AND THINK
YOU'RE AN ACTIVIST AND YOU'RE
STRIKING A BLOW FOR THE
ENVIRONMENT.
THEY THINK YOU'RE UNION AND
YOU'RE ON A BREAK.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: LET'S ADMIT THAT A
"BOMB CYCLONE" IS JUST CABLE
NEWS' WAY OF SAYING "A STORM."
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THE SAME WAY "THE TOYOTATHON
SALES EVENT!"
IS TOYOTA'S WAY OF SAYING "YOU
CAN BUY OUR CARS AT THE SAME
PRICE AS YOU WOULD ANY OTHER
TIME OF THE YEAR."
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: WHOEVER KEEPS WRITING
THOSE ARTICLES TELLING US WE'RE
DOING EVERYTHING WRONG,
INCLUDING THIS ONE THAT SAYS
WE'RE WALKING WRONG -- YOU HAVE
TO SHOW YOURSELF.
THAT WAY WE CAN WRITE ABOUT YOU
EVERYTHING YOU'RE DOING WRONG,
LIKE, "YOU'RE PROBABLY
CONTRIBUTING TO THE FIELD OF
JOURNALISM WRONG -- HERE'S HOW
TO FIX IT."
AND "GO FUCKING YOURSELF --
YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!
NEW RULE: SOMEONE HAS TO
TELL THE WOMEN WHO BUY THIS SEXY
VACCINE COSTUME, WHICH CONSISTS
OF A WET-LOOK MINI DRESS AND A
HYPODERMIC NEEDLE STICKING OUT
OF YOUR HEAD, IT DOESN'T LOOK
SEXY OR LIKE A VACCINE.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN
SWIMMING AT VENICE BEACH.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: NOW THAT MEGAN THEE
STALLION HAS POSTED THIS PHOTO
OF HER BOYFRIEND DRINKING FROM A
GLASS WEDGED IN HER ASS, LET'S
NOT MAKE THIS A THING AT
HOULIHAN'S.
I MEAN, LOOK AT THAT PHOTO, IT'S
VERY UNSANITARY -- HE'S NOT
WEARING A MASK!
[LAUGHTER]
AND FINALLY, NEW RULE.
INSTEAD OF PUTTING A BIBLE IN
HOTEL ROOMS, WE SHOULD START
PUTTING A DICTIONARY IN THERE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BECAUSE APPARENTLY NOBODY KNOWS
WHAT WORDS MEAN ANYMORE.
GEORGE CARLIN FAMOUSLY HAD THE
SEVEN WORDS YOU CAN'T SAY ON TV
[APPLAUSE]
-- HERE'S MY 8 WORDS PEOPLE NEED
TO STOP REDEFINING: HATE,
VICTIM, HERO, SHAME, VIOLENCE,
SURVIVOR, PHOBIC AND WHITE
SUPREMACY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
COMEDIAN HANNAH GADSBY
CHARACTERIZED DAVE
CHAPPELLE'S CONTROVERSIAL
NETFLIX SPECIAL AS "HATE SPEECH
DOG-WHISTLING."
WELL, "DOG WHISTLE" REFERS TO
WHEN SOMEONE PUTS THINGS IN CODE
BECAUSE THEY'RE AFRAID TO COME
OUT AND SAY WHAT THEY REALLY
THINK -THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FROM
DAVE CHAPPELLE?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THAT HE'S AFRAID TO SAY WHAT HE
REALLY THINKS?
[APPLAUSE]
AND IT'S NOT "HATE SPEECH" JUST
BECAUSE YOU DISAGREE WITH IT.
NOR IS IT "PHOBIC"- PHOBIC COMES
FROM THE GREEK WORD FOR
SOMETHING ONE FEARS
IRRATIONALLY, LIKE SPIDERS, OR
GERMS, BUT NOW IS USED AS A
SUFFIX FOR ANYTHING YOU JUST
DON'T LIKE.
I'VE BEEN CALLED "COMMITMENT
PHOBIC."
NO -- I DON'T FEAR COMMITMENT, I
JUST DON'T WANT IT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
OTHER PEOPLE DO -- GREAT!
I DON'T CALL THEM
"SINGLE-PHOBIC."
I DON'T LIKE BOWLING.
I'M NOT "BOWLING-PHOBIC."
AND IF I TALK ABOUT HOW WRONG I
THINK IT IS TO FORCE WOMEN TO
WEAR A BEEKEEPER SUIT ALL DAY,
THAT'S NOT BEING ISLAMOPHOBIC --
I JUST DON'T LIKE IT.
AND I IMAGINE THE WOMEN AREN'T
CRAZY ABOUT IT EITHER.
I WENT AS A GHOST FOR HALLOWEEN
ONCE, I LASTED ABOUT 20 MINUTES.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
ALSO IN THE CATEGORY OF "WE JUST
DON'T LIKE IT SO WE'RE
PRETENDING IT'S SOMETHING ELSE"
IS THE WORD VIOLENCE.
LAST YEAR, THERE WAS A STAFF
"MUTINY" AT THE CBS DRAMA "ALL
RISE," WHEN SOME OF THE WRITERS
-- I'M SORRY, I MEANT "VICTIMS"
[LAUGHTER]
-- TOOK ISSUE WITH A SCENE WHERE
TWO WOMEN ARE IN AN ELEVATOR AND
A NAKED MAN GETS ON, AND THEY
JUST CONTINUE TALKING CALMLY.
AND IF YOU THINK THAT'S
OFFENSIVE, YOU SHOULD SEE HOW
THEY GUY PUSHED THE BUTTON.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT THE WRITERS FOUND THE SCENE
OBJECTIONABLE AND SENT OFF AN
EMAIL SAYING, "TWO WOMEN WOULD
NOT CALMLY CONTINUE A
CONVERSATION WITH A NAKED WHITE
GUY RUNNING INTO THE ELEVATOR.
THAT IS VIOLENCE. "
NO, IT'S NOT.
VIOLENCE USUALLY INVOLVES
LEAVING A MARK OF SOME KIND.
OF COURSE, INNUMERABLE THINGS
CAN LEAD TO VIOLENCE, BUT SORRY,
YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT WORD AND USE
IT FOR STUFF THAT'S JUST SCARY
TO YOU, OR JUST VERBAL, WHICH IS
SOMETHING I LITERALLY LEARNED IN
KINDERGARTEN.
"STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY
BONES, BUT. "
-- IF YOU DON'T
KNOW HOW THAT ONE ENDS YOU NEED
TO REPEAT KINDERGARTEN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIORS WHO ARE
FOND OF GOVERNING BY HASHTAG
LIKE TO SAY "SILENCE IS
VIOLENCE."
AND WE KNOW THAT BECAUSE IT
RHYMES?
THE WORDS "VICTIM" AND
"SURVIVOR" HAVE TRAVELED A LONG
WAY FROM THEIR ORIGINAL USAGE.
THE BABY FROM THE NIRVANA ALBUM
SAYS HE'S A VICTIM.
HE'S SUING NIRVANA FOR "LIFELONG
DAMAGES."
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO SAY
THIS TO A BABY, BUT STOP BEING
SUCH A FUCKING BABY.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU'RE NOT A VICTIM.
THERE'S NO REASON YOU CAN'T HAVE
A NORMAL, HAPPY LIFE JUST
BECAUSE PEOPLE LOOK AT YOU AND
THINK "BABY PENIS."
IT DIDN'T HURT TRUMP.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IN 2010, THE NEW YORK TIMES USED
THE TERM "WHITE SUPREMACIST" ON
75 OCCASIONS.
LAST YEAR?
OVER 700 TIMES.
NOW, SOME OF THAT TO BE SURE IS
BECAUSE TRUMP CAME ALONG AND
EMBOLDENED THE FACTION OF THIS
COUNTRY THAT IS TRULY WHITE
SUPREMACIST -- IT IS OF COURSE
STILL A REAL THING.
BUT IT SHOULDN'T APPLY TO
SOMETHING LIKE, AS MORE THAN A
FEW HAVE SUGGESTED, GETTING RID
OF THE SAT TEST.
NOW, IF WE FIND THE SAT TEST IS
SLANTED IN SUCH A WAY AS TO
STACK THE DECK IN FAVOR OF
CAUCASIANS -- IF THERE ARE
QUESTIONS LIKE "BIFF AND CHIP
ARE SAILING A YACHT TRAVELING AT
12 KNOTS TO AN ED SHEERAN
CONCERT ON CATALINA -- IF
CATALINA IS 26 MILES AWAY, HOW
MANY WHITE CLAWS SHOULD THEY
BRING?"
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- THEN MAYBE.
BUT OF COURSE, THE SAT DOESN'T
HAVE QUESTIONS LIKE THAT, SO IT
BECOMES THE KIND OF LUDICROUS
EXAGGERATION THAT MAKES LOVERS
OF COMMON SENSE ROLL THEIR EYES.
AND THEN VOTE FOR TRUMP.
NOW, ARE THERE SNOWFLAKES ON THE
RIGHT?
OF COURSE THERE'S NO WHINIER
LITTLE BITCH THAN TRUMP HIMSELF
-- BUT THIS KIND OF STUFF DOES
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
TEND TO STICK TO THE LEFT A LOT
MORE.
HAVE YOU EVER HARD A PARENT CALL
THEIR CHILD THEIR "HERO"?
WHAT PARTY ARE THEY PROBABLY IN?
"MY KID IS MY HERO."
WHY?
HE'S SIX, DID HE PULL SOMEONE
OUT OF A BURNING BUILDING?
"MY HERO -- LOOK AT THE WAY HE
SHARES HIS RITALIN!"
[LAUGHTER]
YOU DO REALIZE HOW STUPID IT
SOUNDS TO IMPLY YOU WANT TO GROW
UP TO BE YOUR KID?
DURING THE PANDEMIC, EVERYONE
WAS A HERO.
FOR SURE, FRONTLINE MEDICAL
WORKERS REALLY ARE, BUT THEN IT
SPREAD TO CIVIL SERVANTS AND
THEN ANYONE WHO JUST WENT TO
WORK: POSTAL EMPLOYEES AMAZON
STOCKERS.
ONE DAY I FOUND MYSELF SAYING TO
THE GUY COLLECTING CARTS AT
RALPH'S "THANK YOU FOR YOUR
SERVICE."
[LAUGHTER]
AND THEN THERE'S "SHAMING."
THAT DEFINITION HAS BEEN
REWRITTEN TO MEAN "ANYTHING THAT
SUGGESTS I'M NOT 100% PERFECT."
IT'S NOT FAT SHAMING WHEN I CALL
BULLSHIT ON THE IDEA THAT A
PERSON CAN BE HEALTHY AT ANY
SIZE.
WE'RE SO THROUGH THE LOOKING
GLASS ON THIS THAT.
WEIGHT
WATCHERS CHANGED THEIR NAME TO
WW.
THE WEIGHT LOSS PEOPLE CAN'T
MENTION WEIGHT LOSS.
ADELE WAS SHAMED FOR LOSING
WEIGHT, LIKE SHE WAS A TRAITOR
TO -- WHAT, UNHEALTHINESS?
WHEN I'VE REPORTED THE STATISTIC
THAT 78% OF THE PEOPLE WHO DIED
OR WERE HOSPITALIZED WITH COVID
WERE OVERWEIGHT, THAT'S NOT FAT
SHAMING -- THAT'S
FAT-'SPLAINING.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
IT'S WHAT THE CDC SHOULD BE
DOING.
THIS IS THE ESSENCE OF WHY WORD
INFLATION IS A PROBLEM -- YOU
CAN TRY TO CHANGE REALITY BY
CHANGING THE WORDS, BUT YOU
CAN'T -- IT JUST STOPS YOU FROM
DEALING WITH IT.
THE VILLAIN IN 1984 SAYS "THE
WHOLE AIM OF NEWSPEAK IS TO
NARROW THE RANGE OF THOUGHT."
YES, IT'S ORWELLIAN.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY --
ORWELL NEVER ENDS WELL.
OKAY, THAT'S OUR SHOW.
I'LL BE AT THE TAFT THEATRE IN
CINCINNATI, NOVEMBER 7TH, AT THE
MIRAGE IN VEGAS, NOVEMBER 26TH
AND 27TH, AND AT THE BJCC
CONCERT HALL IN BIRMINGHAM, AL,
JANUARY 15TH.
I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS
CAITLIN FLANAGAN, SENATOR CHRIS
COONS, AND SEAN SPICER.
THANK YOU, FOLKS!
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪