♪ ♪
>> START THE CLOCK.
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
FOLKS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
STILL DISTANCING, ARE WE?
ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU, I APPRECIATE IT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
LOTS TO GET TO TODAY, JOE BIDEN,
HE IS AT THIS HOUR IN ENGLAND,
HE HAS EMBARKED ON HIS "SORRY
ABOUT THE LAST GUY" TOUR.
[LAUGHTER]
HE'S GOING TO MEET WITH THE G7
PEOPLE, HE LEFT FOR THE AIRPORT
AND A CICADA LANDED ON HIM -- I
CAN'T EVEN HEAR IT QANON THINKS
THIS IS VERY SIGNIFICANT.
THEY'RE ALL ABOUT THE LETTER Q,
IT'S A 17TH LETTER OF THE
ALPHABET, THE CICADAS COME OUT
EVERY 17 YEARS AND IT LANDED ON
BIDEN, SO...
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THE CICADAS PUT OUT A STATEMENT
TODAY, THEY SAID "COULD YOU NOT
DRAG US INTO THIS BULLSHIT,
PLEASE?"
WE'RE JUST CICADAS.
BUT SOMEDAY, BIDEN IS GOING TO
GO TO WINDSOR CASTLE TO MEET
WITH THE QUEEN, THE NEWLY
WIDOWED QUEEN, HE IS GOING TO
EXPRESS HIS CONDOLENCES FOR
LOSING PRINCE PHILIP AND SHE IS
GOING TO EXPRESS HER CONDOLENCES
FOR JOE LOSING JOE MANCHIN.
HAVE YOU BEEN READING ABOUT HIM?
FOR A DEMOCRAT, HE IS THE MOST
POWERFUL REPUBLICAN IN THE
SENATE.
[LAUGHTER]
HE HAS BLOCKED EVERY BIG THING
THAT THE DEMOCRATS WANT TO DO.
THE VOTING RIGHTS LEGISLATION,
THE JANUARY 6TH COMMISSION, EVEN
INFRASTRUCTURE.
THAT IS FUCKING DEAD NOW.
THE TALKS BROKE DOWN BECAUSE OF
"IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES."
WHICH SOUNDS TO ME LIKE A
MARRIAGE, OR A DIVORCE.
WHICH IS APPROPRIATE CONSIDERING
NEXT YEAR THEY MAY GET THE
HOUSE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BUT DEMOCRATS DID WIN ONE THIS
WEEK, THE KEYSTONE PIPELINE, ARE
YOU FAMILIAR?
THAT IS DEAD.
YOU SEEM EXCITED ABOUT THAT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
DON'T BE TOO HAPPY BECAUSE OF
SHUTTING IT DOWN WILL COST
THOUSANDS OF JOBS, MOSTLY OF
HACKERS IN MOSCOW WHO ARE GOING
TO RANSOM IT FOR BITCOIN.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
WE FOUND OUT THIS WEEK -- WE
DIDN'T FIND OUT, WE KNOW THIS
BUT IT'S WORSE THAN EVER --
BILLIONAIRES AND I'M TALKING
ABOUT THE TOP OF THE TOP, THE
RICHEST OF THE RICH DON'T PAY
ANY TAXES.
THIS IS THE KIND OF STUFF THAT
REALLY PISSES PEOPLE OFF.
JEFF BEZOS THIS MORNING WAS
WALKING DOWN HIS DRIVEWAY AND HE
FOUND OUT SOMEBODY KEYED HIS
ROCKET.
[LAUGHTER]
PEOPLE ARE PISSED.
[APPLAUSE]
HE'S GOT A ROCKET COMPANY, YOU
GOT TO IF YOU HAVE THAT KIND OF
MONEY, HE'S GOT ONE, ELON MUSK
HAS GOT ONE, HIS HIS NAME TO
BLUE ORIGIN AND IT'S GOING TO
MAKE ITS FIRST MANNED
SPACE FLIGHT NEXT MONTH, THIS IS
THEIR MAIDEN VOYAGE AND
JEFF BEZOS IS GOING TO BE ON THE
ROCKET.
I'M TELLING YOU, WOULDN'T YOU IF
YOU HAD THAT KIND OF MONEY LET
SOMEBODY ELSE IN THE COMPANY GO
UP FIRST?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BOB IN THE WAREHOUSE, WOULD YOU
LIKE TO RIDE IN SPACE?
AND SEE IF IT WORKS, I'LL GO UP
NEXT.
I KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN
NOW, AMAZON IS GOING TO
COMPLETELY TAKE OVER SPACE AND
THEY ARE GOING TO PUT ALL THE
MOM AND POP ASTRONAUTS OUT OF
BUSINESS.
[LAUGHTER]
WE GOT PROBLEMS HERE ON EARTH,
DID YOU SEE -- POOR
KAMALA HARRIS.
BIDEN DUMPED THE BORDER PROBLEM
IN HER LAP, SHE WAS GETTING
TESTY WITH REPORTERS THIS WEEK
BECAUSE THEY'RE LIKE YOU'RE NOT
FIXING THE BORDER CRISIS -- A
LITTLE PERSPECTIVE.
MIKE PENCE, HIS BIGGEST
ACCOMPLISHMENT WAS NOT BEING
HUNG BY HIS OWN PEOPLE.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AS VICE PRESIDENT'S GO...
KAMALA DID GO DOWN TO GUATEMALA
THIS WEEK AND SHE SAID DON'T
COME, SHE SAID THAT THESE
PEOPLE, IF YOU COME TO THE
BORDER YOU WILL NOT GET IN AND
THIS DID NOT MAKE ANYONE HAPPY.
THE LEFT SAID IT WAS AGAINST
THEIR VALUES, THE RIGHT SAID IT
DIDN'T GO FAR ENOUGH, AND
EVERYONE HERE IN CALIFORNIA SAID
"WHERE ARE WE GOING TO GET OUR
NANNIES?"
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
YES, CALIFORNIA, WE ARE, BABY!
JUNE 15TH!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MAYBE WE CAN STOP THIS SILLY
DISTANCING AND MASKING BULLSHIT,
TUESDAY CALIFORNIA LIFTS ITS
RESTRICTIONS, YES.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I SEE NOT EVERYONE APPLAUDING --
A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT HERE COME A
LOT OF PEOPLE EVERYWHERE, THEY
SAY THEY'RE GOING TO CONTINUE TO
WEAR MASKS EVEN AFTER THEY SOUND
THE ALL CLEAR.
THAT'S LIKE HAVING SEX WITH A
CONDOM AND SAYING YOU KNOW?
I THINK I'LL JUST LEAVE IT ON
FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO HAVE A
100% COVERT FREE ATMOSPHERE.
VIRUSES ALWAYS STAY, YES,
THERE'S ALWAYS VARIANTS.
I CAN'T GUARANTEE EVERYTHING, WE
HAVE TO LIVE AGAIN.
VARIANTS HAVE WEIRD NAMES, THIS
ONE IS CALLED DELTA.
IT'S LIKE REGULAR COVID EXCEPT
THERE'S ALWAYS A LAYOVER IN
ATLANTA.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
LET'S END TONIGHT WITH THE BIG,
IMPORTANT NEWS, A NEW ROYAL BABY
IS IN THE WORLD AS OF THIS WEEK.
[APPLAUSE]
THERE IS A OF SANTA BARBARA NOW.
HER NAME IS LULA BETH AND THAT
SHE WILL NOW JOIN HER TODDLER
BROTHER ARCHIE AND HARRY AND
MEGHAN IN THEIR MANSION IN
SANTA BARBARA.
JUST WHAT THAT HOUSEHOLD NEEDS,
MORE PISSING AND WHINING.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW,
ROB REINER AND RACHEL BITECOFER
ARE HERE.
BUT FIRST, HE'S AN
ASTROPHYSICIST WITH THE AMERICAN
MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY, HOST
OF THE WEBBY AWARD WINNING
PODCAST "STARTALK" AND AUTHOR OF
THE NEW BOOK "COSMIC QUERIES"
PLEASE WELCOME: NEIL DEGRASSE
TYSON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HELLO, MR. PERSONALITY!
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> JUST TRYING TO KEEP THE
UNIVERSE GOING.
>> Bill: I HAVE SO MANY GREAT
QUESTIONS.
>> GOT TO DO IT.
>> Bill: YOU ARE THE SHERIFF
OF THE UNIVERSE.
THE BOOK, GREAT BOOK BECAUSE IT
SORT OF LIKE A COMPANION PIECE
TO YOUR PODCAST WHICH IS AWESOME
AND IT'S ABOUT THE BIG
QUESTIONS.
I'M GOING TO GET TO THE BIGGEST
ONE FIRST.
JEWISH SPACE LASERS.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOW DID THE JEWS GET THEM UP
THERE?
>> JEWS ARE ALL POWERFUL,
APPARENTLY.
>> Bill: THE QUESTIONS YOU ARE
REALLY ASKING, THE ONES I ALWAYS
SAY MAKE YOUR HEAD HURT.
YOU CAN GO THE BIG BANG, WE'RE
GOING TO GET INTO THAT BUT WHAT
HAPPENED, WHAT IS BEFORE THE BIG
BANG?
THAT IS A HEAD HURTER.
[LAUGHTER]
WHY IS THERE ANYTHING?
>> THESE ARE CHAPTERS IN THE
BOOK.
>> Bill: THAT'S WHY AM
BRINGING THAT UP.
AND IF THERE IS NOTHING, NOTHING
NOT SOMETHING?
[LAUGHTER]
>> THAT IS YOUR OPENING SALVO.
>> Bill: TAKE IT AWAY!
>> WHILE I GIVE YOU AN ANSWER,
CONTEMPLATE THIS.
IF PINOCCHIO SAID MY NOSE IS
ABOUT TO GROW, WHAT WOULD IT DO?
LIKE ABOUT THAT WHILE I GIVE THE
ANSWER TO THIS.
>> Bill: I KNOW.
>> THE BOOK OPENS WITH HOW DID
IT ALL BEGIN BUT IT GOES TO
THESE QUESTIONS WE'VE ALL
CARRIED WITH US.
IF YOU DIDN'T CARRY IT WITH YOU
STUMBLED ON IT AND IT TOOK
CAUSING YOUR LIFE TO REFLECT ON
IT, HOW DID ALL BEGIN, WHAT IS
IT ALL MADE OF?
ARE WE ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE,
THAT IS BIG NEWS IN RECENT
MONTHS AND HOW WO WILL IT ALL E?
>> Bill: LET'S GET TO HOW IT
ALL BEGAN FIRST.
I WANT ASK YOU ABOUT THE BIG
BANG THEORY -- NOT THE SHOW, THE
ACTUAL THEORY.
>> IF YOU TYPE BIG BANG THEORY
INTO GOOGLE, THE FIRST THING IS
A TV SHOW AND I DON'T KNOW IF
THAT'S GOOD OR BAD.
>> Bill: THAT'S BAD.
[LAUGHTER]
>> OKAY.
>> Bill: YOU'RE THE GUY WHO
CAN ANSWER THIS QUESTION FOR
ME -- HOW SETTLED IS IT?
ON A SCALE OF EVOLUTION, WHEN
DARWIN'S ORIGIN OF SPECIES IS
PUBLISHED IN 1859, IT WASN'T
SETTLED SCIENCE, THEY DEBATED IT
FOR DECADES, AS SCIENCE SHOULD.
PEOPLE SAID LET'S TRY TO POKE
HOLES IN IT, THEY DIDN'T.
NOW IT'S SETTLED SCIENCE, I
WOULD LIKE TO SAY THIS ABOUT
GLOBAL WARMING BEING MAN-MADE, I
THINK IT IS IN THE SCIENTIFIC
COMMUNITY, NOT SO MUCH IN THE
POLITICAL IMMUNITY, BUT WHAT
ABOUT THE BIG BANG THEORY?
IS NOT SOMETHING WE ARE TOTALLY
NOW, EVERYBODY WHO HAS YOUR
BRAIN, ALL OF EIGHT PEOPLE, THEY
ARE DOWN WITH THIS?
>> YES, BECAUSE IT SATISFIES ALL
OF THE OBSERVATIONAL DATA THAT
NEEDS ACCOUNTING FOR OUR NEATLY
CONTAINED WITHIN THE
UNDERSTANDING THAT COMES TO US
FROM THE BIG BANG.
THE UNIVERSE IS BIGGER TODAY
THAN IT WAS YESTERDAY, THE
UNIVERSE WAS HOTTER YESTERDAY
THAN IT WAS TODAY.
YOU GO BACK FAR ENOUGH,
14 BILLION YEARS, ALL OF THE
KNOWN UNIVERSE WAS IN THE SAME
PLACE AT THE SAME TIME AT A
STUPENDOUSLY HIGH TEMPERATURE.
THEN YOU COULD SAY HOW DO YOU
KNOW, YOU WORKED THERE -- WELL,
IF MATTER AND ENERGY ARE AT THAT
TEMPERATURE, IT COMES WITH
CONSEQUENCES.
SO WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF MATTER
AND ENERGY WERE AT TEMPERATURE
FOR THIS LONG, YOU GET ABOUT
THIS MUCH HYDROGEN IN THE
UNIVERSE COME ABOUT THAT MUCH
HELIUM.
>> Bill: IT WAS ALL
CONDENSED -- THIS IS AMAZING
BECAUSE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT
TRILLIONS OF STARS WHICH ARE
BIG.
>> WAY MORE THAN TRILLIONS.
>> Bill: WHY DO IT THAT WAY?
WHY START THE UNIVERSE THAT WAY,
LIKE BANG!
LET'S ALL MATCH IT UP AND BLOW
IT UP?
WHY DO IT THAT WAY?
>> THAT'S WHY PEOPLE INVENT
RELIGION TO ACCOUNT FOR WHY.
IN SCIENCE WE WILL TELL YOU HOW
THAT HAPPENED BUT YOU WANT TO
KNOW IF THERE'S PURPOSE TO IT?
THAT'S A PHILOSOPHICAL BORDERING
ON RELIGIOUS QUESTION THAT SOME
PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED TO REACH
FOR AND POSSIBLY FIND, AND MANY
QUESTIONS ON THE FRONTIER OF OUR
KNOWLEDGE, THE FRONTIER OF OUR
IGNORANCE LAND SQUARELY IN THE
LAP OF THE ARMCHAIR PHILOSOPHER
OR THE RELIGIOUS HOLY PERSON ON
THE MOUNT.
>> Bill: THAT IS NEITHER OF
US.
>> THAT'S CORRECT BUT I'M
CONTENT SAYING I CAN EXPLAIN
THIS, I CAN ACCOUNT FOR HOW THAT
HAPPENS.
THAT IS A PROFOUND PLACE TO BE
BECAUSE MOST OF THE HISTORY OF
HUMAN CIVILIZATION, WE HAD NO
ACCOUNTING OF THINGS.
>> Bill: IT SOUNDS CRAZY BUT
YOU ARE A LOT SMARTER THAN THE
PREACHER SO I'M TO GO WITH YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THAT'S REALLY WHERE I'M AT
BECAUSE IT'S FRUSTRATING BECAUSE
I PERSONALLY CAN'T GET TO THAT
PLACE WHERE I GO "OH, YEAH, SURE
COME ALL MATTER, ONE PLACE, GOT
IT."
MY FAITH IS IN YOU.
>> I DON'T NEED YOUR FAITH.
>> Bill: I WAS TRYING TO BE
NICE, FUCK.
[LAUGHTER]
NEVER MIND.
>> I DON'T NEED YOUR FAITH, I
JUST NEED EVIDENCE IN SUPPORT OF
THE CLAIM AND ALLOW ME TO ALSO
SAY THAT THE UNIVERSE IS UNDER
NO OBLIGATION TO MAKE SENSE TO
YOU.
>> Bill: I DON'T EVEN FUCKING
THINK ABOUT THIS SHIT UNLESS
YOU'RE ON THE SHOW.
[LAUGHTER]
I DO, I ACTUALLY DO.
[APPLAUSE]
>> IF YOU ASKED ME WHAT WAS
BEFORE THE BIG BANG, WE HAVE
SOME IDEAS BUT I DON'T REALLY
KNOW AND I'M OKAY WITH THAT.
AS A SCIENTIST, YOU NEED TO
LEARN TO LOVE THE QUESTIONS
THEMSELVES LEST YOU JUST START
THROWING ANSWERS AND SO YOU CAN
GO TO BED AT NIGHT AND NOT LOSE
SLEEP.
>> Bill: I HAVE SO MANY BIGGER
THINGS -- TRUMP IS STILL OUT
THERE, ARE YOU KIDDING?
THINK I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE
UNIVERSE?
[APPLAUSE]
>> CAN I COMMENT ON THAT?
TO BRING A COSMIC PERSPECTIVE TO
THAT SENTENCE, TRUMP IS THE
BRUNT OF MOST OF YOUR JOKES.
>> Bill: KNOW HE'S NOT COME
YOU DON'T WATCH THE SHOW.
WHEN HE WAS PRESIDENT.
>> I'M JUST SAYING 76 MILLION
PEOPLE VOTED FOR HIM, SEE YOUR
ENEMY IS IN HIM, IT'S FELLOW
CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES.
>> Bill: THAT'S WRONG, WE'RE
ON THE WRONG SUBJECT HERE, YOU
CAN HATE TRUMP, YOU CAN'T HATE
THE PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR HIM,
THAT'S HALF THE COUNTRY, YOU
CANNOT HATE HALF THE COUNTRY.
>> THEY PUT HIM INTO OFFICE.
>> Bill: THEY PUT HIM INTO
OFFICE FOR A LOT OF DIFFERENT
REASONS.
>> I'M AN EDUCATOR, I CARE ABOUT
THE ELECTORATE.
>> Bill: I DO TOO AND THAT'S
NOT THE WAY TO WIN THEM BACK,
TELL THEM THEIR DEPLORABLE AND
YOU HATE THEM.
>> THAT'S NOT WHAT I TELL THEM,
I JUST.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: LET'S M MOVE ON TO THE
FIELD WE ARE HERE FOR BECAUSE
YOU MENTIONED UFOs.
>> THERE'S A CHAPTER THE BOOK
CALLED ARE WE ALONE IN THE
UNIVERSE?
>> Bill: THAT'S UFOs.
>> AS THE GOVERNMENT CALLS IT,
UAP -- UNIDENTIFIED AERIAL
PHENOMENON.
THAT'S THEY'RE NOT SO
TRANSPARENT TRANSLATION.
>> Bill: ARE WE MARRIED?
YOU'RE FIGHTING EVERYTHING I
SAY.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU JUST WANT TO PICK A FIGHT.
[APPLAUSE]
THIS IS CHANGED RADICALLY IN THE
LAST YEAR COME IN THE PAST IF
YOU WOULD'VE SAID UFOs I
WOULD'VE SAID MAYBE, IT'S
CERTAINLY NOT UNSCIENTIFIC TO
THINK THEY COULD BE OUT THERE OR
HERE.
IN THE LAST YEAR OR SO NOW,
THINGS HAVE CHANGED A LOT.
NAVY PILOTS HAVE COME FORWARD
AND SAY THERE ARE THINGS WE SEE
ALL THE TIME AND WE CANNOT
EXPLAIN AND THEY MOVE IN WAYS
THAT WE DO NOT KNOW HOW THEY
MOVE AND WE CAN'T MOVE THAT WAY.
AND VERY SERIOUS PEOPLE LIKE
JOHN BRENNAN AND HARRY REID HAS
HAD THE SAME THING.
WE ARE LOOKING INTO THIS, THEY
SAID WE AREN'T DENYING IT
ANYMORE.
SO, YOU'VE COME A GREAT PERSON
TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION,
UFOs -- WHAT'S THE DEAL?
[LAUGHTER]
>> HOW MUCH TIME YOU GOT?
THE UNIVERSE BRIMS WITH
MYSTERIES.
IF I THINK THE WAY YOU SHOULD
COME AT THIS IS FROM ANOTHER
DIRECTION AND ASK.
IF WE ARE IN FACT BEING VISITED
BY INTELLIGENT ALIENS FROM
ANOTHER PLANET, WHY WOULD THEY
ONLY REVEAL THEMSELVES TO NAVY
PILOTS?
WHY BUT NONE OF THEM EVER SHOW
UP IN THE 6 BILLION COLOR
HIGH-RESOLUTION PHOTOS AND
VIDEOS HUMAN BEINGS ARE UPLOADED
TO THE INTERNET EVERY DAY?
>> Bill: THEY ARE UP IN SPACE
TAKING PICTURES WITH THE NAVY
PILOTS ARE!
>> WHY IS THEIR BEST IMAGE OF AN
ALIEN A FUZZY MONOCHROMATIC
TIC TAC ON A DISPLAY SCREEN?
>> Bill: I'M JUST SAYING --
WHAT YOU THINK IT IS?
>> THAT'S WHAT THE U STANDS FOR
IN UNIDENTIFIED!
IT'S A UFO AND IT'S DOING WEIRD
THINGS, THEREFORE I KNOW WHAT IT
IS?
YOU JUST ADMITTED YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT IS.
>> Bill: IT'S THE BEGINNING.
IF THERE UFOs, PEOPLE WHO
NEVER CAME FORWARD BEFORE FROM A
SERIOUS PEOPLE, MILITARY PEOPLE.
>> THAT DOESN'T MATTER, ARE YOU
HUMAN?
YOU ARE EQUALLY SUSCEPTLE TO
DELUSION TOBIAS TO SAY IT'S A
NAVY PILOT, I DON'T CARE, THEIR
HUMAN.
>> Bill: WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE
BE?
>> I DON'T KNOW!
>> Bill: I AGREE.
>> IT THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S
VISITING ALIENS FROM OUTER
SPACE.
>> Bill: IF THERE'S NOT
ANOTHER THEORY, IT LOADS THE
GUN --
>> I GOT ONE, EVERY PIECE OF
HARDWARE I HAVE EVER SEEN AND
THE SOFTWARE I HAVE EVER SEEN
PROGRAMMED HAS GLITCHES, EVERY
TIME, EVERY ONE.
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE SOFTWARE
UPDATES ALL THE TIME.
>> Bill: GREAT, LET'S GO WITH
THAT.
>> I'M SAYING THE IMAGING SYSTEM
THEY ARE USING COULD HAVE
GLITCHES AND THEY WILL SAY WE
CHECKED IT IT DOESN'T HAVE
GLITCHES, OKAY, ARE YOU SO SURE
IT DOESN'T HAVE GLITCHES THAT
YOU WOULD RATHER BELIEVE IT
DOESN'T HAVE GLITCHES SO THAT
YOU CAN NOW SAY WE ARE BEING
VISITED BY INTELLIGENT ALIENS
FROM ANOTHER PLANET WITH UNKNOWN
PHYSICS?
THAT'S A HUGE LEAP.
>> Bill: IF THERE ARE ALIENS
AND THEY DO COME HERE, YOU THINK
THEY MIGHT HAVE THE ANSWERS TO
THESE QUESTIONS WE DON'T KNOW?
REALLY COME OUT WOULDN'T THAT BE
GREAT?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
WE SAY WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE THE
BIG BANG.
>> LITTLE JR. KNOWS THAT.
>> Bill: IT'S RIGHT ON MY
PHONE!
>> I LOSE SLEEP AT NIGHT
WONDERING WHETHER WE, WHO WE
DEFINE AS THE FIRST TRULY
INTELLIGENT SPECIES ON EARTH HAS
SUFFICIENT INTELLIGENCE TO
ANSWER THE QUESTIONS WE POSE
ABOUT THE UNIVERSE AND I FURTHER
WORRY WHETHER WE ARE INTELLIGENT
ENOUGH TO EVEN KNOW WHAT
QUESTIONS TO ASK.
>> Bill: ON THAT HAPPY NOTE,
YOU'RE ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO TALK
TO, I WISH IT COULD BE HERE, I
WILL SEE YOU FOR DINNER LATER,
LET'S MEET OUR PANEL!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SHE'S A POLITICAL SCIENTIST AND
CO FOUNDER OF STRIKE PAC: RACHEL
BITECOFER.
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
YOU KNOW THIS GUY.
HE'S AN ACTIVIST AND FILMMAKER
WHO'S DIRECTED AND STARRED IN
PRETTY MUCH ALL OF YOUR FAVORITE
MOVIES OVER THE LAST FOUR
DECADES: ROB REINER.
HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M GOOD!
WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET CLOSER,
WHEN WERE NOT SO FAR AWAY?
>> Bill: WE ARE GOING TO GET
TO THIS ISSUE BECAUSE IT'S
PISSING ME OFF.
FOR ME, YESTERDAY.
>> BECAUSE I WANT TO BE CLOSER
TO YOU.
NOT FOR ANY OTHER REASON THAN I
CAN COMMUNICATE BETTER.
>> I TAKE THAT UP, THAT'S ROB
REINER.
>> Bill: NEIL deGRASSE TYSON
IS FIGHTING WITH ME, YOU WANT TO
GET CLOSER TO ME, IS IT MY
COLOGNE, AM I WEARING SOMETHING?
LAST WEEK, IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY
WEEK, THIS WAS AN ISSUE THAT IS,
EVERY WEEK.
THIS PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY WHO
WANT TO STOP US FROM BEING A
DEMOCRACY AND THERE'S NO BIGGER
ISSUE.
WE TALK ABOUT WHAT TO THE
DEMOCRATS DO TO STOP THIS
MONKEYING BEHIND THE SCENES WITH
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH OUR
ELECTIONS?
I READ THIS WEEK, THERE ARE NO
DEATH THREATS FROM TRUMP PEOPLE
ON ELECTION -- PEOPLE WHO RUN
ELECTIONS.
THERE IS NOTHING THEY WILL NOT
TRY AND WE ARE TALKING ABOUT
REPLACING PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY
COUNT THE VOTES, IT'S ONE THING
TO STOP PEOPLE FROM VOTING, THAT
IS WRONG.
REPLACING PEOPLE WHO CERTIFY THE
VOTES.
OBAMA THIS WEEK ON TV SAID "THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY IS WILLING TO
EMBRACE A WAY OF THINKING ABOUT
DEMOCRACY THAT WOULD BE
UNRECOGNIZABLE, AND EVEN
UNACCEPTABLE, EVEN FIVE YEARS
AGO."
I WAS TOLD YOU ARE WATCHING THIS
LAST WEEK AND YOU SAID "I KNOW
WHAT THE DEMOCRATS CAN DO."
I'M ANXIOUS TO HEAR THAT.
>> IT WAS LIKE THE GHOST OF
CHRISTMAS PAST AND SCROOGE
YELLING LET'S MAKE A DEAL --
TAKE THE BOX!
[LAUGHTER]
I HAVE A SOLUTION BUT IT'S NOT
AN EASY PILL AND THIS IS A BOLD
IDEA.
WE HAVE TO STOP SUCKING AT
ELECTORAL POLITICS IF WE WANT TO
TAKE POWER AND HOLD OFF THIS
DEMOCRATIC COUP THAT IS COMING.
>> Bill: REPUBLICAN COUP.
>> YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT VOTER
SUPPRESSION, IT'S ELECTION
RIGGING.
THEY ARE CLOSING THE POLLING
BOOTHS AND EXPANDING ACCESS IN
RURAL AREAS AND IT'S NOT AN
IDEA, THEY ARE PUTTING
PROVISIONS IN THESE LAWS THAT
ARE GOING TO ALLOW IF YOU
OVERCOME THAT IN GEORGIA OR
TEXAS FOR THEM TO SAY YOU KNOW
WHAT?
THIS DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT TO US SO
WE'RE JUST NOT GOING TO COUNT
THE VOTES.
>> Bill: WE ARE STILL NOT
GETTING TO THE PART OF WHAT WE
DO.
>> WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS WE NEED
TO START FIGHTING THEM, FIRE
WITH FIRE.
>> Bill: MEANING?
>> THEY ARE GOING TO COME OUT IN
THIS ELECTORAL CYCLE WHICH
BEGINS ALREADY BECAUSE WE HAVE
AN OFF YEAR ELECTION HERE IN THE
RECALL.
>> Bill: WHAT DO WE DO?
>> GAVIN NEWSOM IS GETTING
RECALLED AS A STRATEGIC ATTACK
FOR THEM TO CONSOLIDATE POWER SO
WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS FORTIFY AT
PATH TO POWER CONSOLIDATION AND
THAT MEANS WE HAVE TO BE BETTER
AT MESSAGING AND BETTER AT
ELECTIONEERING RIGHT AWAY LIKE
YESTERDAY.
>> Bill: METHOD IS
DISAPPOINTING ANSWER.
I'M TALKING ABOUT STOPPING --
MERRICK GARLAND OUR
ATTORNEY GENERAL WHO SHOULD BE
ON THIS FINALLY TODAY MADE A
SPEECH ABOUT THIS, HE SAID HE'S
GOING TO DOUBLE THE NUMBER OF
STAFF IN THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT
DEDICATED TO PROTECTING VOTING
RIGHTS -- I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THAT'S GOING TO DO BUT IT'S A
START.
HE SAID 14 STATES HAVE PASSED
NEW LAWS THAT MAKE IT HARDER TO
DEVOTE, WE ARE SCRUTINIZING NEW
LAWS LIKE THAT AND WHERE WE SEE
VIOLATIONS WE WILL NOT HESITATE
TO ACT.
SOUNDS VAGUE TO ME BUT AT LEAST
IT SEEMS LIKE HE'S AWARE OF IT.
>> THE THING IS, THAT IS ALL
WELL AND GOOD BUT ALL THAT MEANS
IS YOU CAN PROSECUTE SOMEBODY
WHO WOULD BREAK THOSE LAWS.
WE HAVE TO GET LAWS IN PLACE
THAT PROTECT OUR RIGHT TO VOTE.
THERE ARE A NUMBER OF BILLS IN
FRONT OF CONGRESS, HR ONE, S1,
JOHN LEWIS FOR -- THOSE HAVE TO
GET PAST.
IF THEY DON'T GET PASSED, IF WE
DO NOT SECURE OUR RIGHT TO VOTE.
>> Bill: BECAUSE THEY AREN'T
GOING TO GET PAST, THEY DON'T
EVEN HAVE 50 VOTES.
>> THEY DON'T HAVE 50.
>> Bill: YOU NEED 60.
>> RIGHT NOW JOE MANCHIN AND
KYRSTEN SINEMA -- BY THE WAY,
SHE WAS ONE OF THE SPONSORS OF
S1.
>> Bill: SHE'S AGAINST IT NOW.
>> YOU NEED 60 RIGHT NOW AND
JOE MANCHIN HAS SAID I'M NOT
GOING TO BREAK THE FILIBUSTER,
IT'S GOING TO TAKE JOE TO JOE.
JOE BIDEN IS GOING TO HAVE TO
TALK TO JOE MANCHIN AND SAY WE
HAVE A CHANCE HERE TO EITHER
PRESERVE THE SENATE --
>> Bill: YOU DON'T THINK HE'S
ALREADY DONE THAT?
>> NOT THE WAY IT NEEDS TO BE
DONE.
>> Bill: TWISTING HIS ARM?
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CONVINCE
THIS --
>> YES YOU CAN.
>> Bill: DEMOCRATS HAVE NO
ANSWERS, I'M SORRY!
THEY HAVE NO GOOD ANSWERS!
THAT'S YOUR ANSWER?
JOE BIDEN HAS TO BE MORE
PERSUASIVE IN THE ROOM?
>> UNLESS YOU PUT VOTING RIGHTS
IN FRONT OF THE PEOPLE AND SAY
THIS DOES NOT REQUIRE THE
FILIBUSTER AND REMOVE THE
FILIBUSTER JUST FOR THAT, THERE
MAY BE A WAY TO SAY TO
JOE MANCHIN, EITHER YOU CHOOSE
DEMOCRACY OR THE FILIBUSTER.
>> THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE DO IN
THESE UPCOMING -- BUT HERE'S THE
THING.
>> Bill: HE ONLY CARES ABOUT
GETTING REELECTED IN
WEST VIRGINIA.
>> WEST VIRGINIANS RIGHT NOW ARE
THRILLED BEYOND BELIEF WITH WHAT
BIDEN HAS DONE WITH COVERT
RELIEF AND THRILLED ABOUT
INFRASTRUCTURE --
>> WE SHOULD HAVE A NAME IN
NORTH CAROLINA RIGHT NOW IN OUR
POCKET THAT WE DROP THOSE RACES,
YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT
LONG-TERM STRATEGY.
THE ONLY PATHWAY IS --
>> Bill: LET'S TALK ABOUT --
WE AREN'T WINNING THIS ARGUMENT.
THE DEMOCRATS DID AN AUTOPSY IT
SEEMS LIKE EVERY DEPARTMENT IS
DOING THE AUTOPSY, IT'S ABOUT
THE 2020 BOAT TO SEE WHY THEY
DIDN'T TO BETTER, THEY SHOULD
HAVE DONE BETTER, THEY DIDN'T
WIN THE SENATE, THEY LOST ALL
THE STATEHOUSES.
>> THEY DID WIN THE SENATE.
>> ONLY AFTER A SECOND ELECTION
WHERE WE CAME IN AND FINALLY GOT
THE DEMOCRATS SHIT TOGETHER SO
THEY RAN ON COVERT RELIEF CHECKS
DIRECT TO YOUR.
>> Bill: 50/50 TO ME IS NOT
WINNING IT.
>> THEY LOST 12 HOUSE SEATS.
>> WE PICKED UP SEATS.
>> NOT AS MANY AS WE SHOULD HAVE
HAD TO.
>> Bill: HERE IS THE AUTOPSY
FINDINGS, THREE THINGS THEY
SAID.
VOTERS OF COLOR NEED TO BE
CONVINCED.
POLLING, HUGE PROBLEM, PEOPLE
DON'T TELL POLLSTERS WHAT THEY
REALLY THINK ANYMORE, THEY FUCK
WITH THEM.
AND REPUBLICAN ATTEMPTS TO BRAND
DEMOCRATS AS RADICALS WORKED.
DEMOCRATS WHO LOST WERE
CENTRISTS WHO NEVERTHELESS
COULDN'T SHAKE THE RADICAL LABE
LABEL.
I TALKED A LOT ABOUT WOKENESS ON
THIS SHOW, I'M NOT A FAN, I
THINK IT'S AN ALBATROSS, JAMES
CARVILLE WAS HERE THE OTHER WEEK
SAYING THE SAME THING, DO YOU
THINK IT'S AN ALBATROSS, AND IF
SO HOW BIG AN ALBATROSS AROUND
THEIR NECKS?
>> I THINK IT'S NOT SOMETHING WE
SHOULD FOCUS ON, THIS IS A
FOOL'S ERRAND TO GO DOWN THAT
ROAD.
WE HAVE TO SELL THE FACT THAT WE
HAVE POLICIES THAT HAVE BEEN
PASSED AND WILL BE PASSED THAT
ARE GOING TO MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY,
THERE COULD HAVE JOBS AND MONEY
IN THEIR POCKETS.
>> Bill: PEOPLE DO PAY
ATTENTION BECAUSE IT'S ON YOUR
PHONE EVERY DAY.
IT'S THE DRIP DRIP EFFECT.
>> YOU KNOW WHY IT WORKS?
THE G.O.P. IS DOING THE WOKENESS
BRANDING AND WE ARE LIKE LET'S
TALK ABOUT WOKENESS ALL THE
FUCKING TIME.
WHAT WE SHOULD DO -- THINK ABOUT
IT, THE COMPLAINT IS THEY ARE
TWO PC, THE OTHER SIDE IS
TURNING INTO A FASCIST
AUTHORITARIAN PARTY THAT IS
LITERALLY MAKING OUR ELECTIONS.
YOU HAVE TO TAKE THAT BRAND BAC
BACK.
>> Bill: THE FASCIST THING, I
COULDN'T AGREE WITH YOU MORE
THERE IS FASCISM A FOOT AND
TRUMP DOING SOMETHING LIKE
COLLUDING WITH UKRAINE WAS
TERRIBLE AND WAS AN IMPEACHABLE
DEFENSE.
PEOPLE DON'T CARE, UKRAINE IS
VERY FAR AWAY AND YOU'RE TELLING
ME MY 3-YEAR-OLD COMING HOME AND
SAYING HE'S A GIRL NOW AND I
HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH THAT,
THAT'S RIGHT IN MY HOME.
>> THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE THE MORE
AFRAID OF OTHER SHIT, AND WE
DON'T DO ANY OF THE FEAR STOKIN
STOKING.
I WANT TO TELL PEOPLE THEY ARE
COMING FOR YOUR MONEY, THEY'RE
COMING FOR YOUR KIDS, THEY WANT
TO KILL YOUR DAUGHTER WITH
TEENAGE ABORTION STUFF BECAUSE
THAT IS THE SHIT THE OTHER SIDE
HAS BEEN FED AND WE ARE GOING TO
BE LOOKING AT TURNOUT IN THIS
CALIFORNIA RECALL COMING UP,
GAVIN NEWSOM IS PULLING SO
WELL -- DOUBLED IN NUMBER OF
REPUBLICAN VOTERS TELL THE PULLS
I'M SUPER EXCITED TO VOTE IN THE
RECALL.
WE HAVE A MASSIVE TUNED OUT
COMPLACENCY ISSUE ON THIS SIDE
AND WE HAVE TO MATCH IT, WE HAVE
TO MATCH THEIR MESSAGING.
>> Bill: I HEAR THIS A LOT
FROM DEMOCRATS, WE LOST BECAUSE
WE DIDN'T GET OUR MESSAGE OUT.
I THINK THE PROBLEM IS YOU DID.
THEY HEARD YOU, THEY JUST DON'T
LIKE IT.
THEY HEARD YOU LOUD AND CLEAR.
>> THAT'S NOT WHAT THE DATA SAYS
ABOUT ANY OF THE STUPID
POLICY -- THOSE POLICIES ALL
PULL IN THE 60s.
IF YOU'RE TALKING POLICY AND THE
OTHER PARTY IS HITTING YOU ON A
BRAND AND IDENTITY, IT DOESN'T
MATTER IF YOU'RE JAMIE HARRISON
OR ONE OF THESE RADICAL SQUAD
MEMBERS, YOU'RE GOING TO GET
CALLED A SOCIALIST.
I TELL PEOPLE I COULD MAKE AOC
AND SANDERS DISAPPEAR TOMORROW
AND THE G.O.P. WOULD RUN THE
SAME MESSAGE, WHY?
BECAUSE THEY ARE TRYING TO BRAND
US, THE WHOLE DAMN THING AS A
SOCIALIST PARTY BECAUSE THEY
UNDERSTAND WHERE THE ELECTORATE
IS, THE ELECTORATE IS WHERE THE
OPPOSITE OF DEMOCRATS --
>> Bill: MAYBE IT WOULD BE
GOOD IF THE DEMOCRATS UNDERSTOOD
WITH THE ELECTORATE IS AND THEY
DON'T.
I DON'T THINK THEY PAY ATTENTION
TO POLICY IS MUCH AS YOU THINK
THEY DO.
>> THAT'S ALL THEY FUCKING
RUN-ON.
>> Bill: I'M SAYING THE PEOPLE
PEOPLE.
>> THE PEOPLE DON'T CARE, YOU'RE
RIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: YOU'RE SAYING LET'S
PIN OUR HOPES ON THAT THING
PEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT AND I'M
SAYING WITH THE PEOPLE CARE
ABOUT IS THAT KIMMY SCHMIDT GOT
CANCELED.
>> PUT KIMMY SCHMIDT BACK ON THE
AIR!
>> DEMOCRATS TALK TO THE
ELECTORATE LIKE IT CARES, THEY
MAKE AN ASSUMPTION THE WHOLE
SYSTEM IS BUILT ON A FLAWED
ASSUMPTION.
THE G.O.P. UNDERSTANDS THE
AMERICAN PUBLIC IS IN TERMS OF
CIVICS AND THEY AREN'T CYNICALLY
SMART, THEY ARE LAZY AS FUCK.
IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT BEING BUSY,
IT'S LAZY TOO.
AND THE G.O.P. SPOON FEED THAT
SHIT INTO THEM EVERY DAY.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: LET ME GIVE YOU AN
EXAMPLE OF THIS AN ISSUE, CRIME,
49% OF THE PEOPLE THINK IT'S A
BIG PROBLEM.
THIS WAS ON SOME FEED I READ IN
SEATTLE, SOMEBODY ON THE SEATTLE
COUNSEL PROPOSED LITERALLY
DECRIMINALIZING CRIME.
[LAUGHTER]
PROPOSED CHANGES -- IT'S LIKE
YOU'RE LIVING IN AN ONION
HEADLINE.
PROPOSED CHANGES IN THE CITY
CRIMINAL CODE THAT PEOPLE WOULD
NOT BE LIABLE IF THE OFFENSE
THEY COMMITTED WAS LINKED TO
POVERTY.
THIS IS WHAT THE COUNCILPERSON
ACTUALLY SAID "IN A SITUATION
WHERE YOU TOOK THE SANDWICH
BECAUSE YOU WERE HUNGRY AND
TRYING TO MEET YOUR BASIC NEEDS,
WE AS THE COMMUNITY KNOW WE
SHOULD NOT PUNISH THAT, THAT
CONDUCT IS EXCUSED."
IT LOOKS LIKE THE DEMOCRATS HAVE
NO COMMON SENSE.
THIS DIDN'T PASS, IT'S NOT GOING
TO PASS BUT PEOPLE READ THIS,
THEY READ IT EVERY DAY.
>> THERE CRAZY IS LET'S HAVE
CHILDREN GET VISUALLY EXPECTED
TO MAKE SURE THEY HAVE OF
VAGINA.
>> Bill: I CAN'T DO ANYTHING
ABOUT THEIR CRAZY.
>> YES YOU CAN, YOU CAN TALK
ABOUT IT.
>> Bill: PEOPLE HEAR IT
BECAUSE THEY ARE IN THEIR OWN
SILOS.
>> YOU CAN BREAK THE SILOS, YOU
HAVE TO BE SOPHISTICATED ABOUT
IT.
>> Bill: YOU THINK PEOPLE --
THE ONLY PLACE WHERE PEOPLE
DEBATE IS THIS SHOW.
[APPLAUSE]
I DON'T SEE IT ANYWHERE ELSE, I
DON'T.
>> PSYCHOLOGICALLY, PEOPLE DON'T
WANT TO SEE SHIT THAT MAKES THEM
FEEL GUILTY OR PAINFUL.
>> Bill: THEY DON'T WANT TO
SEE SHIT THEY DON'T AGREE WITH.
>> YOU HAVE TO SHOVE IT DOWN --
>> Bill: SHOVE IT DOWN THEIR
THROAT.
>> MAKE THEM LOOK.
>> Bill: JUNE 15TH WE ARE
OPENING A BACKUP, IF YOU'RE
WATCHING THIS ON FRIDAY NIGHT WE
ARE VERY EXCITED AND THERE'S A
LOT OF PENT-UP SEXUAL ENERGY.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I WAS READING ABOUT THIS, THEY
ARE CALLING -- SOME PEOPLE ARE
CALLING THIS IT'S GOING TO BE
THE WHORING 20s.
THERE WAS A HEADLINE IN
"THE NEW YORK POST."
NEW YORK SINGLES READY FOR
SLUTTY SUMMER OF CASUAL SEX AS
COVERT VACCINATION -- THEY ARE
TALKING ABOUT DOING IT IN THE
BATHROOM AGAIN.
>> NATURE IS HEALING.
>> Bill: PEOPLE ARE A LITTLE
RUSTY WITH THEIR PICKUP LINES,
SO WE THOUGHT AS A PUBLIC
SERVICE WE WOULD HELP YOU OUT
BECAUSE YOU NEED ICE BREAKERS,
THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF CHANGES,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR SOME OF
THE THINGS WE'RE SUGGESTING?
OKAY, GREAT.
FOR EXAMPLE.
DO
I KNOW YOU?
THE UPPER HALF OF YOUR FACE IS
SO FAMILIAR.
DOES PFIZER MAKE A VACCINE FOR
THAT ASS?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THESE ARE GOING TO WORK!
THESE ARE GOING TO WORK.
I'VE BEEN WAITING TO BRUSH MY
TEETH FOR A WOMAN LIKE YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I HOPE I DON'T SOUND DESPERATE,
THE LAST TIME I HOOKED UP WAS TO
A VENTILATOR.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I'VE LEARNED A LOT FROM PORN
OVER THE LAST YEAR.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THIS IS ONE FOR A WOMAN TO SAY.
THE EXPIRATION DATE ON MY EDIBLE
PANTIES IS JUNE 2020.
DO YOU FEEL LUCKY, PUNK?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
YOU KNOW, IT'S THAT THIRD JAB
THAT'S THE CHARM.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> WE'RE GOING TO USE THAT.
>> Bill: A DICK IS LIKE THE
ASTRAZENECA SHOT.
I'D NEVER TAKE ONE, BUT I HAVE
NO PROBLEMS GIVING IT TO OTHER
PEOPLE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
HOW'D YOU LIKE TO CROSS STATE
LINES WITH A FLORIDA
CONGRESSMAN?
THAT ALWAYS WORKS!
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
AND OF COURSE.
HELLO, I'M BILL GATES.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I WANT TO ASK YOU GUYS, YOU
MENTION THIS -- I THINK HOW WE
REACT TO COMING OUT OF THIS IS
LOOKING LIKE A BIG LIABILITY TO
THE DEMOCRATS.
I THINK SOMEHOW, SOMETIMES THEIR
WHOLE ATTITUDE TOWARD THIS WAS A
LIABILITY, IT DEPENDS ON HOW YOU
THINK ABOUT IT BUT THERE WAS A
POLL RECENTLY, THIS IS GALLUP,
SERIOUS POLLING SERVICE, WHICH
IS BETTER ADVICE RIGHT NOW FOR
PEOPLE WHO DO NOT HAVE SYMPTOMS
AND ARE OTHERWISE HEALTHY?
STAY HOME AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE TO
AVOID CONTRACTING OR SPREADING
THE VIRUS OR LEAD TO THEIR
NORMAL LIVES AS MUCH AS
POSSIBLE?
87% OF REPUBLICANS SAID PEOPLE
SHOULD STRIVE TO LEAD NORMAL
LIVES, 71% OF DEMOCRATS, STAY
HOME!
KEEP COWERING.
>> YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE
WHO HAVE HAD THEIR VACCINATIONS?
71% OF PEOPLE WHO HAD THEIR
NECKS AND?
>> Bill: OF DEMOCRATS, STAY
HOME AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
I SEE PEOPLE ON THE STREET
WALKING OUTSIDE WITH A MASK ON
LIKE YOU FUCKING MORON, I WANT
TO SHOUT AT THEM OUTSIDE THE
CAR, YOU'RE A MORON YOU NEVER
COULD GET IT OUTSIDE, REALLY AND
HERE ALONE WALKING ON THE STREET
WITH A MASK?
>> YOU USE TO MASK SHAME THEM,
NOW YOUR MASK D SHAMING THEM.
>> IT IS STUPID AND IT'S A
REJECTION OF SCIENCE BECAUSE YOU
CAN'T SAY ON ONE END WE'VE GOT
TO LISTEN TO THE SCIENCE AND THE
DATA AND A SCIENCE SAYS OKAY,
YOU CAN'T GET COVID OUTSIDE AND
YOU NEVER COULD AND YOU DON'T
NEED A MASK ANYMORE, AND IS NOT
GOING TO DO IT, YOU'RE RIGHT, IT
COULD BE A LIABILITY.
MY ORGANIZATION IS GOING TO
HAMMER THOSE G.O.P. PEOPLE WHO
MURDERED WITH INCOMPETENCE AND
MISINFORMATION HUNDREDS OF
THOUSANDS OF CITIZENS.
THEY ARE GOING TO DO THEIR
THING, ARE WE GOING TO COME BACK
WITH AN ALTERNATIVE FRAME THAT
IS AGGRESSIVE AND OFFENSIVE, NOT
DEBATING ON THEIR TERMS.
THEY WANT TO TALK ABOUT MASK
WEARING, WERE GOING TO TALK
ABOUT YOUR BULLSHIT MANAGEMENT
OF THIS PANDEMIC.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THAT IS THE PAST, CAN
WE JUST SAY IT'S OVER?
I KNOW IT WAS GREAT FUN TO HAVE
A PANDEMIC.
>> THE LAST TIME I WAS HERE WAS
A YEAR, LITERALLY.
>> Bill: IT'S OVER, LIKE YOU
SAID AT THE BEGINNING OF THE
SHOW, WE SHOULD BE CLOSER
TOGETHER.
I WATCH THE BASKETBALL PLAYOFFS
NOW, MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE IN
THE STANDS, NOT WEARING MASKS
AND APPARENTLY THERE IS NO
SUPER-SPREADER EVENT THAT IS
COMING OUT OF THAT AND YET I SEE
THE PLAYERS ARE PLAYING WITHOUT
MASKS, THEY GO ON THE BENCH, THE
COACH IS A MASK ON, WHY?
IT'S STUPID, INCONSISTENT, ASS
COVERING.
>> IF YOU HAD YOUR VACCINATION,
IF YOU'VE BEEN VACCINATED,
THAT'S IT, THAT'S THE IDEA.
IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN VACCINATED,
THEN THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
I DON'T WANT YOU WALKING AROUND.
>> Bill: BUT YOU HAVE BEEN
VACCINATED.
>> YES!
>> Bill: SO DON'T BE AFRAID OF
THE PERSON WHO ISN'T!
>> I'M NOT AFRAID, I'M WORRIED
THAT THAT PERSON IS GOING TO
SPREAD SOMETHING TO SOMEBODY
ELSE.
>> Bill: SOMEBODY IS ALWAYS
GOING TO SPREAD SOMETHING,
EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS A RISK.
>> IT'S TOTALLY FINE BUT I DO
THINK IT'S WORTH ASKING THEM
BECAUSE -- YOU ALWAYS HAVE THESE
PEOPLE I DIDN'T GET THE VACCINE,
THAT'S COOL, DO YOU HAPPEN TO
KNOW IF YOU HAVEN'T KILLED
ANYBODY YET?
>> Bill: YOU KNOW WHAT ALSO
KILLED PEOPLE?
NOBODY IN THE HEALTH
HIERARCHY -- NOBODY IN THE
HEALTH HIERARCHY EVEN SUGGESTED
TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE THAT THE
BEST WAY TO STAY AWAY FROM A BAD
OUTCOME WAS THIS VIRUS WAS TO
GET YOURSELF IN BETTER PHYSICAL
SHAPE.
THEY NEVER SUGGESTED THAT.
THAT IS MOSTLY WHAT KILLS YOU.
>> IN THE MIDST OF A PANDEMIC
LET'S SPREADING, AM I GOING TO
LOSE 50 POUNDS?
NO.
>> Bill: ANYONE COULD DO.
>> NOT AND THREE, FOUR MONTHS?
>> Bill: IT LASTED OVER A
YEAR.
>> AND I LOST 40 POUNDS, I'M
PROUD TO SAY.
I MIGHT AS WELL BRAG, RIGHT?
>> Bill: 78% OF THE PEOPLE WHO
DIED WERE OPIATES.
>> THAT IS WHY I HID IN MY HOUSE
UNTIL I GOT VACCINES AND NOW I'M
OUT AND I'M WILLING TO KISS YOU.
I WILL ROLL OFF A JOINT WITH
YOU, I'M TOTALLY GOOD.
[LAUGHTER]
NO POT IN THE GREEN ROOM.
>> Bill: THIS NIGHT IS GETTING
BETTER, NOW WE ARE KISSING AND
SMOKING POT.
>> ARE YOU GOING TO USE ANY OF
THOSE LINES?
I THINK THEY'LL WORK.
>> Bill: SPEAKING OF THAT, WHY
WASN'T THERE A BABY-BOOM DURING
THIS PANDEMIC?
YOU WOULD THINK PEOPLE LOCKED UP
FOR A YEAR -- SOMETIMES IT'S
JUST A NIGHT, A BABY-BOOM, WHY
WASN'T THERE A BABY-BOOM?
>> YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT A
DISEASE, THINK ABOUT THIS FOR A
SECOND.
IN 1962 YOU HAD THE
CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS, PEOPLE
WERE FRIGHTENED TO DEATH THAT WE
WERE ALL GOING TO GO UP IN
SMOKE, THERE WAS A HUGE
BABY-BOOM AFTER THAT.
BUT IF YOU DIDN'T GET KILLED BY
THE MISSILE, YOU STARTED FUCKIN
FUCKING.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
AT THIS, YOU'RE WORRIED IF YOU
GET CLOSE TO SOMEBODY, YOU
MIGHT -- IT MIGHT BE THE DEATH
FUCK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
PEOPLE WHO ARE QUARANTINED!
>> I'M GOING TO TELL YOU THAT
GOD'S HONEST TRUTH HERE BECAUSE
I ALWAYS DO THAT FOR THE DUDES
WHEN I HANG OUT WITH THEM.
WE, US MARRIED WOMEN OF AMERICA,
MIGHT'VE PRETENDED TO BE A
LITTLE BIT MORE FREE OF KISSING
AND TOUCHING OUR HUSBANDS SO WE
COULD TAKE A WHOLE YEAR OFF OF
DEALING WITH THEIR SHIT, THAT'S
PROBABLY AT.
>> Bill: I THINK THAT'S
CLOSER -- FUCK YOU, I DIDN'T
WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
I THINK THAT'S --
>> IT DOESN'T GET BETTER.
>> Bill: SERIOUS ISSUE THIS
WEEK, A LOT OF LIBERAL
PRINCIPLES ARE BEING ARE BEING
KILLED BY LIBERALS.
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT ISRAEL ON
THIS SHOW, THAT USED TO BE A
PRETTY STAUNCH LIBERAL THING TO
DEFEND THE ONLY DEMOCRACY IN THE
MIDDLE EAST.
FREE SPEECH.
THE ACLU, THE ACLU IS TO FREE
SPEECH WITH THE NRA IS THE GUNS,
RIGHT?
IS THE LAST LINE OF DEFENSE.
>> AND DOMINATED BY IDEOLOGICAL
PURITY, WE ARE AS IDEOLOGICALLY
RIGID ON THE LEFT OF THE
FIRST AMENDMENT, I MYSELF
INCLUDED -- I WAS THINKING ABOUT
THIS, AS THEY ARE TO THE
SECOND AMENDMENT, IT'S AN
ABSOLUTIST COMMITMENT.
>> Bill: IT'S NOT ANYMORE,
THAT IS THE PROBLEM.
THE ACLU NOW IS WOKE.
DAVID GOLDBERGER WHO WAS ONE OF
THEIR ICONS, HE'S THE GUY WHO
DEFENDED THE NAZIS MARCHING,
SAID I GET THE SENSE IT WAS
IMPORTANT FOR ACLU STAFF TO
IDENTIFY WITH PROGRESSIVE CAUSES
MORE THAN TO STAND ON LIBERAL
PRINCIPLES.
LIBERALS ARE LEAVING THE
FIRST AMENDMENT BEHIND AND I
THINK THIS IS A GENERATIONAL
THING.
I THINK THE YOUNGER GENERATIONS
ARE FRAGILE AND THEY THINK BEING
INSULTED OR HAVING YOUR FEELINGS
HURT BY WORDS IS MORE IMPORTANT
THAN FREE SPEECH.
>> YOU HAVE TO FIND THAT NEAT
LINE BETWEEN FREE SPEECH AND
SPEECH THAT LEADS TO VIOLENCE.
YOU DEFEND FREE SPEECH.
AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T --
>> Bill: YOU CAN SAY LEAD
TO -- THAT IS A VERY SLIPPERY
SLOPE.
THAT HAS NOT BEEN THE DEFINITION
BEFORE.
HATE SPEECH, WE ALL HATE IT BUT
THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE
FIRST AMENDMENT AND THE ACLU.
>> YOU SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO
UTTER HATE SPEECH BUT YOU CAN'T
GO TO ASSEMBLE AND FREE SPEECH
AND ALSO CARRY WEAPONS.
>> Bill: NOT WEAPONS, NO ONE
IS DEFENDING MATT.
>> THEY ARE SO FAR AWAY FROM
THAT.
THIS YOUNGER GENERATION
LITERALLY WILL SAY SPEECH IS A
FORM OF VIOLENCE, PHYSICAL
VIOLENCE.
IT'S LIKE WHAT?
NO, IT'S THE OPPOSITE OF
VIOLENCE.
IT'S NOT VIOLENCE, IT'S SPEECH.
IT CAN LEAD TO VIOLENCE BUT
THEY'VE CHANGED THE DEFINITION
OF WORDS.
VIOLENCE IS WHEN IT HURTS.
>> YOU HAVE TO DEFINE WHAT IS
FIRE IN THE CROWDED THEATER?
YOU'RE FREE TO SAY THAT BUT THAT
DIRECTLY LEADS TO SOMETHING THAT
CAN BE VERY VIOLENT.
>> LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,
SERIOUSLY INTERESTED.
SECOND AMENDMENT, WOULD YOU IN A
PERFECT WORLD CHANGE THE WORDING
AROUND IN THAT A LITTLE BIT?
>> Bill: ABSOLUTELY.
>> THE FIRST AMENDMENT IS THE
EXACT SAME THING, I AM A HUGE
STAND UP FAN OF YOURS, I GREW UP
CUTTING MY TEETH ON EDDIE MURPHY
STAND UP WHICH IS WHY AM SO
WEIRD AND PROFANE.
YOU CAN FIND A WAY IF WE COULD,
WHICH WE CAN'T TO AMEND THE
CONSTITUTION JUST LIKE WITH THE
SECOND AMENDMENT, YOU CAN HAVE A
ROBUST SOCIETY, ROBUST FREE
SPEECH AND STILL DISALLOW --
>> Bill: YOU WANT TO AMEND THE
FIRST AMENDMENT?
THE FIRST AMENDMENT IS FIND THE
WAY IT IS, THE SECOND AMENDMENT
NEEDS IT, NOT THE FIRST.
>> ON THE LEFT, IT'S AN
IDEOLOGICALLY SLIPPERY SLOPE.
>> IF YOU LOOK AT THE
SECOND AMENDMENT CAREFULLY, IT'S
ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD THE WAY IT
IS BECAUSE IT SAYS A WELL
REGULATED MILITIA, THE
PEOPLE'S --
>> THE INSURRECTIONIST THINK
THEY WERE A RE WELL REGULATED
MILITIA.
>> Bill: I GOT TO GO TO NEW
RULES, YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN FUN.
NEW RULE: WHEN JOE BIDEN VISITS
THE QUEEN THIS WEEKEND, HE HAS
TO BE A FRIEND AND TELL HER HER
SPENDING IS OUT OF CONTROL.
[LAUGHTER]
WHETHER YOU LIKE THE ROYAL
FAMILY OR YOU HATE THEM, YOU
HAVE TO ADMIT THE QUEEN'S
LIFESTYLE IS RATHER LAVISH.
AND BEFORE YOU SAY YOU DON'T
THINK SO THIS IS HER USING THE
BATHROOM.
[LAUGHTER]
TWO GUYS IN THERE, THAT IS
LAVISH.
NEW RULE: DON'T HAVE SEX IN
FRONT OF YOUR DOG.
IT'S CRUEL AND CONFUSING.
THE DOG'S THINKING, "WHERE'D THE
BALL GO?!
OH, THERE IT IS!
WHERE'D THE BALL GO?!
OH, THERE IT IS!
WHERE'D THE BALL GO?!
OH, THERE IT IS!"
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: THIS COUPLE IN SOUTH
AFRICA WHO JUST GAVE BIRTH TO
TEN BABIES HAS TO ANSWER ONE
QUESTION: WHY ARE YOU SMILING?
[LAUGHTER]
NEW RULE: LET'S CALL WINDING
COUNTRY ROADS WHAT THEY REALLY
ARE: REDNECK POPULATION CONTROL.
[LAUGHTER]
BECAUSE EVERY TIME I DRIVE DOWN
ONE, I SEE A HOMEMADE CROSS ON
THE SIDE OF THE ROAD WITH NAMES
LIKE "SKEETER," "DALE" AND
"BETTY LOU."
WINDING COUNTRY ROADS: GREAT FOR
COUNTRY MUSIC SONGS; NOT GREAT
FOR COUNTRY MUSIC FANS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: NOW THAT THE FDA HAS
EXTENDED THE EXPIRATION DATE ON
JOHNSON & JOHNSON VACCINES BY
SIX WEEKS, THEY HAVE TO TAKE A
LOOK AT THE COTTAGE CHEESE IN MY
FRIDGE.
[LAUGHTER]
IT SAYS "MAY 31ST," BUT IT
SMELLS FINE TO ME.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THOUGH I'M NOT SUGGESTING ALL
EXPIRATION DATES ARE BOGUS.
IF THE CONDOM IN YOUR WALLET
EXPIRED IN 2013, I'D THROW IT
OUT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BECAUSE THAT'S HOW THIS
HAPPENED.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND FINALLY, NEW RULE.
FROM NOW ON WHEN JOE BIDEN VEERS
OFF INTO ONE OF HIS LONG-WINDED
STORIES THAT SEEM TO BE
OFF-TOPIC, EVERYONE MUST REALIZE
HE USUALLY DOES HAVE A POINT.
>> THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE OVER
50 HOW OFTEN DID YOU EVER SEE
ADVERTISEMENTS ON TELEVISION
WITH BLACK AND WHITE COUPLES?
NOT A JOKE.
I CHALLENGE YOU -- FIND TODAY,
WHEN YOU TURN ON THE STATIONS --
SIT ON ONE STATION FOR TWO
HOURS.
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY
COMMERCIALS YOU'LL SEE -- EIGHT
TO FIVE -- TWO TO THREE OUT OF
FIVE HAVE MIXED-RACE COUPLES IN
THEM.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: I'M GONNA TELL YOU.
I KNOW, IT SOUNDS KIND
OF OUT OF LEFT FIELD, BUT
ACTUALLY UNCLE JOE IS POINTING
LIBERALS TOWARDS SOMETHING THEY
NEED TO BE MORE AWARE OF: THEY
HAVE A BAD CASE OF
PROGRESSOPHOBIA.
THAT'S THE PHRASE COINED BY
STEVEN PINKER TO DESCRIBE A
BRAIN DISORDER THAT STRIKES
LIBERALS AND MAKES THEM
INCAPABLE OF RECOGNIZING
PROGRESS.
IT'S LIKE SITUATIONAL BLINDNESS,
ONLY WHAT YOU CAN'T SEE IS THAT
YOUR DORM IN 2021 IS BETTER THAN
THE SOUTH BEFORE THE CIVIL WAR.
[APPLAUSE]
IF YOU THINK AMERICA IS MORE
RACIST NOW THAN EVER, MORE
SEXIST THAN BEFORE WOMEN COULD
VOTE AND MORE HOMOPHOBIC THAN
WHEN BLOW JOBS WERE A FELONY,
YOU HAVE PROGRESSOPHOBIA AND
SHOULD ADJUST YOUR MASK, BECAUSE
IT'S COVERING YOUR EYES.
[APPLAUSE]
BEFORE 2012, EVERY TIME GAY
MARRIAGE WAS PUT BEFORE A
STATE'S VOTERS, IT LOST: 35
TIMES IN A ROW.
NOW IT'S THE LAW OF THE LAND IN
EVERY STATE.
EVEN HALF OF REPUBLICANS ARE FOR
IT; THE OTHER HALF ARE FOR
CLOSETED GAY SEX.
[LAUGHTER]
THE CHANT FROM GAY PROTESTERS
USED TO BE "WE'RE HERE, WE'RE
QUEER, GET USED TO IT."
WELL, WE DID.
THIS IS PRIDE MONTH, AND IT'S
NOT EVEN A BIG DEAL ANYMORE.
30 DAYS OF PARADES AND FESTIVALS
CELEBRATING A CAUSE THAT WAS
ONCE SO DIVISIVE ELLEN PRETENDED
TO BE STRAIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
STATE HOUSES FLY PRIDE FLAGS
NOW.
DISNEY CELEBRATES IT.
BY FEDERAL LAW, EVERY SINGLE TV
SHOW MUST INCLUDE A STORYLINE
ABOUT LESBIANS HAVING A BABY.
[LAUGHTER]
IF SOMEONE ANNOUNCES THEY'RE GAY
ON TV, IT'S MET WITH THUNDEROUS
APPLAUSE.
MY ACCOUNTANT SAYS, "YAS QUEEN."
YOU LITERALLY COULDN'T FIND A
MAJOR AMERICAN CORPORATION THAT
DOESN'T DO SOMETHING FOR PRIDE
MONTH.
NASCAR DOES IT.
RAYTHEON, MAKER OF HIGH TECH,
LETHAL WEAPONRY THAT KILLS
PEOPLE FROM THE SKY, DOES IT.
AND I HEAR NEXT YEAR THEY'RE
GOING TO PAINT "YOU GO, GIRL!"
ON THE SIDE OF THEIR MISSILES.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S NOT JUST LGBT ISSUES - NOT
THAT LONG AGO, I KNEW PEOPLE WHO
WENT TO PRISON FOR GROWING POT,
AND TODAY YOU CAN LEGALLY SMOKE
IT FOR FUN IN 43% OF THE
COUNTRY, AND I WILL.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
EVEN SOMETHING LIKE BULLYING -
IT STILL HAPPENS, BUT BEING
OUTWARDLY CRUEL TO PEOPLE WHO
ARE DIFFERENT IS NO LONGER
ACCEPTABLE.
THAT'S PROGRESS, AND
ACKNOWLEDGING PROGRESS ISN'T
SAYING, "WE'RE DONE" OR "WE
DON'T NEED MORE."
AND BEING GLOOMIER DOESN'T MAKE
YOU A BETTER PERSON.
IN 1958, ONLY 4% OF AMERICANS
APPROVED OF INTERRACIAL
MARRIAGE; NOW, GALLUP DOESN'T
EVEN BOTHER ASKING ANYMORE - THE
LAST TIME THEY DID, IN 2013, 87%
APPROVED.
AN OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF
AMERICANS NOW SAY THEY WANT TO
LIVE IN A MULTIRACIAL
NEIGHBORHOOD - THAT'S A SEA
CHANGE FROM WHEN I WAS A KID.
IN A COUNTRY THAT'S 14% BLACK,
18% OF THE INCOMING CLASS AT
HARVARD IS BLACK, AND SINCE
2017, WHITE STUDENTS ARE NOT
EVEN A MAJORITY IN OUR PUBLIC
COLLEGES.
EMPLOYEES OF COLOR MAKE UP 47%
OF MICROSOFT 50% OF TARGET AND
55% OF THE GAP, AS COMPANIES
BECOME DESPERATE TO LOOK LIKE
THEIR TV COMMERCIALS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THE "FRIENDS REUNION" LOOKED
WEIRD BECAUSE IF YOU EVEN
SUGGESTED A SHOW TODAY ABOUT SIX
PEOPLE ALL OF WHOM WERE STRAIGHT
AND WHITE THE NETWORK WOULD
LAUGH YOU OUT OF THE ROOM.
AND THEN CANCEL YOU ON TWITTER.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
AND YET THERE IS A RECURRENT
THEME ON THE FAR LEFT THAT
THINGS HAVE NEVER BEEN WORSE.
KEVIN HART EXPRESSED A VIEW MANY
HOLD WHEN HE TOLD THE NEW YORK
TIMES "YOU'RE WITNESSING WHITE
POWER AND WHITE PRIVILEGE AT AN
ALL-TIME HIGH."
THIS IS ONE OF THE BIG PROBLEMS
WITH WOKENESS THAT WHAT YOU SAY
DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE.
OR JIBE WITH THE FACTS.
OR EVER BE CHALLENGED, LEST THE
CHALLENGE ITSELF BE CONFLATED
WITH RACISM.
BUT SAYING WHITE POWER AND
PRIVILEGE IS AT AN ALL TIME HIGH
IS JUST RIDICULOUS.
HIGHER THAN A CENTURY AGO, THE
YEAR OF THE TULSA RACE MASSACRE?
HIGHER THAN THE YEARS WHEN THE
KKK RODE UNCHECKED AND JIM CROW
WENT UNCHALLENGED?
HIGHER THAN THE 1960S WHEN THE
SUPREMES AND WILLIE MAYS STILL
COULDN'T STAY IN THE SAME HOTEL
AS THE WHITE PEOPLE THEY WERE
WORKING WITH?
HIGHER THAN DURING SLAVERY?
AND I MEAN ACTUAL SLAVERY, NOT
PRINCE-DOESN'T-LIKE-HIS-RECORD
CONTRACT-SLAVERY.
[LAUGHTER]
RACISM IS STILL UNFORTUNATELY
STILL WITH US - WE HAVE THE
FOOTAGE.
IN POLICING, HOUSING, JOB
DISCRIMINATION, SEGREGATED
SCHOOLS, WEALTH INEQUALITY, THE
LEGACY OF INJUSTICE SADLY LIVES
ON AND DEMANDS REMEDIAL ACTION.
I UNDERSTAND, AS BEST I CAN, HOW
RACISM SINGES A PERSON'S SOUL SO
MUCH THAT THEY SEE IT
EVERYWHERE.
BUT SEEING CLEARLY IS NECESSARY
FOR ACTUALLY FIXING PROBLEMS,
AND CLEARLY RACISM IS SIMPLY NO
LONGER EVERYWHERE.
IT'S NOT IN MY HOUSE, AND IT
PROBABLY ISN'T IN YOURS.
IF I READ MY AUDIENCE RIGHT AND
I THINK I DO.
FOR MOST OF THE COUNTRY, THE
MOST UNHIP THING YOU COULD EVER
BE TODAY IS A RACIST.
EVEN DEREK CHAUVIN WAS NOT
BACKED UP BY HIS FELLOW
OFFICERS, AND THAT NEVER USED TO
HAPPEN.
THE LOW POINT OF RACE RELATIONS
WASN'T KIM KARDASHIAN WEARING
CORNROWS, EVEN THOUGH IT
HAPPENED ON SNAPCHAT AND GEORGE
WALLACE STANDING IN A DOORWAY
DIDN'T.
BECAUSE HERE'S THE THING KIDS:
THERE ACTUALLY WAS A WORLD
BEFORE YOU GOT HERE.
[EXPLOSION]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE DATE HUMAN EVENTS AD AND
BC.
BUT WE NEED A THIRD
MARKER FOR MILLENNIALS AND GEN
Z: B.Y.: BEFORE YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S TELLING THAT IN A RECENT
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HARVARD YOUTH POLL OF AMERICANS
BETWEEN 18 AND 29, 72% OF BLACKS
SAID THEY WERE HOPEFUL ABOUT THE
FUTURE OF AMERICA, AS COMPARED
TO ONLY 46% OF WHITES.
I'M NOT SURPRISED - THERE ARE A
HELL OF A LOT OF AMERICANS
TRYING REALLY HARD THESE DAYS TO
EMBRACE A NEW SPIRIT OF
INCLUSION AND SELF-REFLECTION.
AND THIS PROGRESSIVE ALLERGY TO
ACKNOWLEDGING SOCIETAL ADVANCES
IS SELF-DEFEATING, BECAUSE
PROGRESS, AND HOPE THAT WE CAN
ACHIEVE IT, IS THE PRODUCT WE'RE
SELLING.
AND HAVING A WARPED VIEW OF
REALITY LEADS TO POLICIES THAT
ARE WARPED.
BLACK-ONLY DORMS AND GRADUATION
CEREMONIES; A GROWING BELIEF IN
"WHITENESS" AS A MALADY AND
WHITE PEOPLE AS IRREDEEMABLE;
GIVING UP ON A COLORBLIND
SOCIETY.
ONLY IF YOU BELIEVE WE'VE MADE
NO PROGRESS DOES ANY OF THIS
MAKES SENSE.
I CAN NAME SOME THINGS THAT
ACTUALLY ARE WORSE THAN THEY'VE
EVER BEEN.
LIKE THE ENVIRONMENT AND
HOMELESSNESS IN L.A.
AND THE PROSPECTS FOR
MAINTAINING AN ACTUAL DEMOCRACY
IN AMERICA.
BUT WHERE PROGRESS HAS BEEN
MADE, IT'S NOT A SIN, AND IT'S
CERTAINLY NOT INACCURATE, TO SAY
WE'VE COME A LONG WAY, BABY.
NOT MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
JUST A LONG WAY.
OKAY, THAT'S OUR SHOW.
I'LL BE AT THE TOYOTA MUSIC
FACTORY IN IRVING, TX, JULY
11TH, AT THE MIRAGE IN VEGAS
JULY 16TH AND 17TH, AND AT THE
BUDDY HOLLY CENTER IN LUBBOCK,
JULY 31ST.
I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS RACHEL
BITECOFER, ROB REINER AND NEIL
DEGRASSE TYSON.
WE'LL BE BACK NEXT WEEK.
THANK YOU, FOLKS!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪