♪ ♪
>> START THE CLOCK.
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THANK YOU, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, THANK YOU.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
ALL RIGHT, I APPRECIATE IT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OKAY, THANK YOU.
FIRST OF ALL, I'M SORRY I MISSED
THE LAST TWO WEEKS.
I DIDN'T WANT TO, YOU HEARD
THIS, THEY SAID I HAD COVID.
YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU GO
TO JIFFY LUBE, THEY SHOW YOU THE
AIR FILTER AND YOU GO OKAY,
YOU'RE THE EXPERT.
I THANK YOU FOR ALL THE GET WELL
WISHES, I CAN'T OBLIGE YOU, I
NEVER WAS SICK.
I FELT NOTHING BUT OKAY, I HAD
THE VACCINE, THAT'S ANOTHER
RUMOR, I HAD IT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S NOT WORTHY OF APPLAUSE, BUT
OKAY.
DID IT HELP?
PROBABLY, WE DON'T KNOW,
PROBABLY.
MOST PEOPLE WHO GOT THE THING,
LESS THAN FOUR PEOPLE WENT TO
THE HOSPITAL, I KNOW THE MEDIA
DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THAT,
THE POINT IS I HAD IT!
[LAUGHTER]
AND NOW IN AMERICA, WE ARE LIKE
BRIBING PEOPLE TO GET THE
VACCINE.
REALLY.
THEY'RE GIVING AWAY COLLEGE
SCHOLARSHIPS AND FREE BEER AND
BASEBALL TICKETS, CALIFORNIA IS
GIVING AWAY $160 MILLION IN CASH
AND PRIZES.
WE ARE AT THE BOB BARKER PHASE
OF THE PANDEMIC.
I LOVE THIS COUNTRY, ALL OVER
THE WORLD PEOPLE ARE DYING TO
GET THIS VACCINE BUT HERE THEY
HAVE TO GIVE YOU A JET SKI FIRST
AND THEN MAYBE I WILL CONSIDER
IT.
THE OTHER STUPID THING, PEOPLE
SAID HOW COULD YOU HAVE TESTED
POSITIVE IF YOU HAD THE
VACCINE -- IT HAPPENS!
THEY NEVER SAID IT WAS 100%
EFFECTIVE, NOBODY EVER DID, THE
SAME WEEK IT HAPPENED TO ME,
NINE YANKEES WHO HAD VACCINE
TESTED POSITIVE WHICH IS
SUPPORTING MY THEORY THAT THE
VIRUS COMES FROM BATS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THAT'S NOT EVEN MY THEORY, I WAS
ALWAYS SAYING FROM THE
BEGINNING, IT COULD'VE BEEN LAB,
IT COULD'VE BEEN BATS, FACEBOOK
SAID YOU CAN'T EVEN SAY IT
MIGHT'VE BEEN THE LAB, NOW
EVERYONE IS SAYING IT MIGHT BE,
THIS IS NOT POLITICAL.
JUST TREAT THIS AS A SCIENCE
ISSUE, WE DON'T KNOW WHERE IT
CAME FROM.
NOW "THE WALL STREET JOURNAL"
SAYS IT MIGHT BE THE LAB, WE
HAVE THE GUY, THE FORMER CDC HAD
SAID HE THINKS IT'S THE LAB, THE
BY THE ADMINISTRATION NOW IS
LOOKING INTO IT MIGHT BE THE LAB
AND THERE ARE RUMORS AND I
WOULDN'T SAY IT'S NEFARIOUS,
JUST AN ACCIDENT THAT MAY BE THE
LAB WAS MANIPULATING THE VIRUS
TO MAKE IT STRONGER, WHICH IS A
VIOLATION OF A SACRED PRINCIPLE
IN CHINA, NO SUBSTITUTIONS.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU CAN TRY TO PRETEND THAT'S A
RACIST JOKE, GOOD LUCK WITH
THAT, I DON'T CARE, IT'S NOT.
THE GOOD NEWS IS, MEMORIAL DAY
IS THIS WEEKEND, THAT'S KIND OF
GREAT.
AND THE MASKS ARE COMING OFF,
THE CDC SAID THAT IS OKAY, I SEE
YOU STILL GOT THEM ON BUT WE ARE
INSIDE, AND I NEARLY DIED.
[LAUGHTER]
EVERYTHING IS COMING BACK TO
LIFE, EVEN THE CICADAS!
THE CICADAS ARE EMERGING AFTER A
17 YEAR HIBERNATION LOOKING TO
MATE AND WHEN MATT GAETZ HEARD
17 AND LOOKING TO MATE, HE
ORDERED A WHOLE NEW SUPPLY OF
ECSTASY.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
YOU ARE MEMBER MATT GAETZ -- EAT
IT, NERD, WE GOT TO SHOW THE
PICTURE EVERY TIME.
THE BAD NEWS IS, THIS HAPPENED
TODAY, SENATE REPUBLICANS HAVE
KILLED THE BILL TO FORM AN
INDEPENDENT COMMISSION TO LOOK
INTO THE JANUARY 6TH
CAPITOL HILL RIOTS, THEY SAY THE
WHOLE THING IS A THINLY VEILED
DEMOCRATIC PLOT TO GET TO THE
FACTS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
TED CRUZ SAID NO BIGGIE, IF
THERE HAD BEEN ANY REAL DANGER,
I WOULD'VE BEEN IN CANCUN.
IF [LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
SO THIS IS HOW FUCKED UP OUR
COUNTRY IS.
BECAUSE OF FILIBUSTER AND THE 60
THING, 60 SENATORS -- 54 VOTED
FOR IT, ONLY 35 KILLED IT, ONLY
SIX REPUBLICANS VOTED FOR THIS
BILL.
MITT ROMNEY, LISA MURKOWSKI, THE
USUAL SUSPECTS IN THE
9-TERRORIST WING OF THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY.
WHY DO REPUBLICANS AND GET A SAY
IN THIS?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
IT'S LIKE LETTING THE DOG DECIDE
TO LOOK INTO WHO SHIT ON THE
RUG.
[LAUGHTER]
I THINK I KNOW.
ONE OF THE REASONS WHY IS
BECAUSE THE REPUBLICANS KNOW
THEIR CONSTITUENTS EITHER DON'T
CARE -- LISTEN TO THIS, 3 OUT OD
FILE REPUBLICANS BELIEVE WHO IS
RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CAPITAL
RIOTS?
LEFT-WING PROTESTERS TRYING TO
MAKE TRUMPET LOOK BAD.
ALSO TRYING TO MAKE TRUMP LOOK
BAD?
THE
7 DEADLY SINS, THE HUMAN EYE,
AND FOOD.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
REPUBLICANS LOVE THIS IDEA OF
THE FALSE FLAG OPERATION,
WHENEVER THEY DO SOMETHING
FUCKED UP IT'S ALWAYS US DRESSED
UP AS THEM.
EVERYTHING IS THE BOSTON TEA
PARTY, NO THEY WERE DRESSED AS
INDIANS!
WHAT THE FUCK?
I WONDER IF THEY TRY THIS AT
HOME WITH THEIR WIVES, THAT
WASN'T ME FUCKING THE
BABYSITTER, THAT WAS A DEMOCRAT
DRESSED AS ME FUCKING FUCKING
THE BABYSITTER AND HE WAS USING
MY PENIS, THAT'S HOW BAD THEY
ARE.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW,
JAMES CARVILLE AND NICHOLAS
KRISTOF ARE HERE.
BUT FIRST, HE'S THE 29-TIME EMMY
WINNING BROADCASTER FOR THE MLB
NETWORK AND HOST OF THE NEW SHOW
BACK ON THE RECORD WITH BOB
COSTAS COMING TO HBO LATER THIS
SUMMER: BOB COSTAS.
HE IS BACK HERE AND TALKING ON
THE NETWORK!
>> WE ARE NOT SHAKING, WE ARE
BOWING AND WAVING.
>> Bill: OF COURSE!
I THOUGHT WE ALL AGREED AND I
FOUND OUT HOW WRONG I AM HAVING
BEEN OUT GETTING COVID -- THAT'S
PROBABLY HOW I GOT IT, I'VE BEEN
OUT THERE IT PEOPLE WENT RIGHT
BACK TO THE SHAKING AND THE
HUGGING, PEOPLE NEED HUMAN
CONTACT AND I WAS THE ONE GOING
WAIT, I THOUGHT WE HAD DECIDED
EVEN WHEN THE PANDEMIC IS OVER,
THAT WAS UNNECESSARY AND THEN
THEY WERE LIKE MR. NEGATIVE, I
WAS THE ONE GUY DURING THE WHOLE
THING --
>> FREE COAL BUT I ALWAYS FELT
WE OUGHT TO GO THE ASIAN ROUTE,
JUST BALL.
IT'S MORE RESPECTFUL AND IF YOU
SHAKING OF HANDS, FORGET ABOUT
DURING THE PANDEMIC, YOU SHAKING
OF HANDS, YOU'RE GOING TO GET A
COLD, YOU'RE GOING TO CATCH
SOMETHING.
>> Bill: I DON'T WANT ANYONE
TO TOUCH ME UNLESS THEY MEAN
BUSINESS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> THIS HAS BEEN A PARTICULARLY
ROUGH STRETCH FOR YOU, HASN'T
IT?
>> Bill: LET'S TALK ABOUT THE
OLYMPICS.
>> YEAH, OKAY.
>> Bill: I WOULD NEVER -- I
THINK YOU KNOW THIS, I'VE NEVER
BEEN A GIANT OLYMPIC FAN
ESPECIALLY THE GIRLS GYMNASTICS,
SEEMS LIKE CHILD ABUSE TO
CAPTURE THEM AT THE AGE OF FOUR
AND TRAIN THEM 12 HOURS A DAY.
>> THERE'S SOMETHING TO THAT.
>> Bill: I KNOW, AMERICA,
GREAT -- I KNOW, WE KICK ASS
OVERSEAS BUT I DO ASSOCIATED
WITH YOU, I NEVER WATCH IT FOR
THE GAMES, I WATCH IT FOR YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
THE GAMES WERE SECONDARY, IT WAS
REALLY THE BROADCASTING.
HOW MANY DID YOU COVER?
>> 12.
>> Bill: 12!
NO.
>> FROM 1988 THROUGH 2016.
>> Bill: BECAUSE EVERY TWO
YEARS.
IN THE PREP MUST BE CRAZY.
>> I LEARNED THE HOST HAS TO BE
A GOOD GENERAL LIST BUT YOU
DON'T NEED TO KNOW EVERY
PLATFORM DRIVER FROM PERU OR
CROSS-COUNTRY SKIER AT THE
NORWAY, THAT'S FOR THE PEOPLE AT
THE VENUE, YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE
THE BIG PICTURE.
>> Bill: NOW WE ARE GOING TO
HAVE IT IN TOKYO IN JUST A
MONTH, THIS IS A BIG
CONTROVERSY.
I HAVE NO DOG IN THIS FIGHT, I
DON'T WATCH IT AND I KNOW YOU'RE
NOT DOING IT.
>> IT FREES UP A LOT OF TIME FOR
ME.
>> Bill: IT REALLY DOES, IT
TAKES TOO LONG, THERE'S TOO MANY
BACK STORIES ABOUT WHAT THEY
WENT THROUGH TO GET THERE.
IF THEY JUST CUT IT DOWN, IT'S
LIKE ALL THESE STREAMING SHOWS
THAT SHOULD BE JUST A MOVIE,
JUST MAKE IT INTO ONE FUCKING
MOVIE.
>> THEY SPENT A BILLION DOLLARS
OR MORE FOR THE RIGHTS AND IT
DOMINATES THE RATINGS AT A TIME
WHEN EVERY THING IS FRAGMENTED.
IT'S ONE OF THE THINGS THAT CUTS
THROUGH.
>> Bill: YOU THINK IT SHOULD
TAKE PLACE BECAUSE WE AREN'T
GOING TO HAVE A CROWD?
>> IT SHOULD BE POSTPONED, NOT
CANCELED, IF THEY POSTPONE IT
UNTIL THE SUMMER OF 2022, AS A
ONE-OFF, THEN IT WOULD GO BACK
TO THE WAY IT WAS PRIOR TO THE
90s, THE WINTER AND SUMMER
GAMES TOOK PLACE EVERY FOUR
YEARS IN THE SAME CALENDAR YEAR.
UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES IT
MAKES SENSE BUT YOU GOT TO
UNDERSTAND, THE IOC HOLDS ALL
THE CARDS.
>> Bill: THE INTERNATIONAL --
>> THE INTERNATIONAL OLYMPIC
COMMITTEE.
>> Bill: EVERY TIME I SEE
THEIR NAME IN THE HEADLINE IT'S
SOMETHING SHADY, IS THAT WRONG?
>> THEY HAVE AN AFFINITY FOR
AUTHORITARIAN REGIMES, THEY WILL
BE BACK IN BEIJING FOR THE
WINTER OLYMPICS, THEY WERE IN
SOCHI FOR 2018.
>> Bill: YOU'RE SAYING WE
SHOULD HAVE BOYCOTTED ALL OF
THESE?
SPEAK OF THE BOYCOTTS MOSTLY
HURT THE ATHLETES RATHER THAN
THE GOVERNMENT THEY ARE AIMED
AT.
>> Bill: BUT THEY HAVE TO WORK
WITH THESE GOVERNMENTS.
>> IT'S A DIFFICULT TIGHTROPE
WALK FOR NBC BECAUSE UNLIKE
OTHER ENTITIES THAT COVER IT,
THE NETWORK THAT CARRIES THE
LIMBIC'S OR ANY SPORTS EVENT HAS
INVESTED IN LOT OF MONEY IN THE
RIGHTS AND THEY WANT PEOPLE TO
FEEL GOOD ABOUT WATCHING IT BUT
MY FEELING ALWAYS WAS YOU NEED
TO AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE THE
ELEPHANTS IN THE ROOM AND I
TRIED AS BEST I COULD TO TUG ON
THE OTHER END OF THAT ROPE BUT
THEY WERE ALWAYS VERY TOUCHY
ABOUT POSSIBLY OFFENDING THE IO
IOC.
>> Bill: WASN'T CHINA TRYING
TO GET YOU BANNED?
>> 1996 EVEN BEFORE THE 2008
GAMES IN BEIJING, STARTING IN
THE OPENING CEREMONY I POINTED
OUT TO THE SOVIET UNION HAD JUST
BROKEN UP THAT IF ANY NATION HAD
THE RESOURCES AND THAT
MOTIVATION TO REPLICATE WHAT THE
OLD EASTERN BLOCK DID WITH
SYSTEMATIC CHEATING -- IS NOT TO
SAY AMERICAN ATHLETES DON'T
CHEAT BUT THEY DO IT ON THEIR
OWN OR WITH ROBUST SCIENTISTS,
NOT UNDER THE DIRECTION OF THE
USOC OF THE UNITED STATES
GOVERNMENT -- CHINA HAD A
MOTIVATION TO DO IT, SEVERAL
ATHLETES HAD ALREADY BEEN
CAUGHT.
I POINTED OUT THAT THEY WANTED
TO HOST THE 2,000 OLYMPICS, THIS
WAS BEFORE THEY GOT THE 2008
OLYMPICS, THE 2,000 OLYMPICS
WENT TO SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA, BUT
THAT CONCERNS OVER HUMAN RIGHTS
AND THE THREAT TO TAIWAN AND ALL
THE REST HAD SCRATCHED THEIR
BID.
THE INTERNET HAD JUST STARTED
BUT THERE WAS A CAMPAIGN
DIRECTED BY BEIJING TO HAVE ME
FIRED UNLESS I ISSUED A PUBLIC
APOLOGY IN PRIME TIME.
NEITHER OF WHICH HAPPENED.
>> Bill: YOU COULD'VE BEEN
PATIENT ZERO FOR GETTING
CANCELED.
>> YEAH.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU SEE, PUTIN WAS MORE STEALTH
IN SOCHI, HE JUST GAVE ME
PINK EYE.
>> Bill: I REMEMBER THAT.
>> BRUTAL.
>> Bill: WHAT A TROOPER YOU
WERE.
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT PISSED ME
OFF ABOUT MISSING THE SHOWS, I
NEVER MISSED A SHOW IN 28 YEARS
ON TELEVISION AND I COULD'VE
DONE -- I DEFINITELY COULD HAVE
DONE BOTH OF THEM BUT KEEPING ME
OUT OF THE SECOND WEEK -- LET'S
NOT GET INTO IT.
>> I THINK YOU PRETTY MUCH
COVERED AT.
>> Bill: YEAH, I'M PISSED OFF.
>> ONE MORE THING ABOUT THE IOC.
ALMOST EVERYBODY, 70% OF
JAPANESE CITIZENS, ALL THE
HEALTH ORGANIZATIONS, "THE
NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF MEDICINE"
TODAY, THEY ALL SAY IT'S NOT A
GOOD IDEA.
IT EITHER SHOULD BE CANCELED OR
MORE LIKELY POSTPONED BUT ALL
THE CONTRACTS ARE WRITTEN IN
FAVOR OF THE IOC.
IF THE OLYMPICS ARE HELD, ALL
THE LOSSES COME ALL THE COST
OVERRUNS, THEY FALL ON THE
OLYMPIC ORGANIZING COMMITTEE OF
TOKYO, NONE OF THAT, NONE OF THE
BRUNT OF THAT IS BORNE BY THE
IOC, PLUS IF THE GAMES TAKE
PLACE AND NBC TELEVISE IS THEM,
AND THE IOC COLLECTS EVERY LAST
PENNY OF THE BROADCAST RIGHTS.
YOU CAN'T EXPECT THEM TO HAVE
THE SAME VIEW OF THIS IS THE
REST OF THE WORLD DOES.
>> Bill: IT'S FUNNY WITH
SPORTS, WE WANTED TO BE PURE AND
IT'S ALWAYS MORE THAN ANYTHING
ELSE GOING TO BE INTERMINGLED
WITH POLITICS.
THE ALL-STAR GAME THAT WAS GOING
TO BE IN ATLANTA, WHEN IS THAT?
>> IT'S IN JULY.
>> THEY MOVED IT BECAUSE GEORGIA
PASSED WHAT A LOT OF PEOPLE
THINK OUR VOTER SUPPRESSION LAWS
AND THEY HAVE THEIR OWN ARGUMENT
BUT TO ME THEY ARE VOTER
SUPPRESSION LAWS AND I'M
NORMALLY NOT FOR BOYCOTTS OR
MOVING THINGS BECAUSE OF THAT,
IF YOU LIKE THIS IS AN ISSUE
THAT TRANSCENDS OTHER ISSUES.
THIS IS ABOUT LOSING OUR
ECONOMY.
>> THAT WAS THE WAY BASEBALL
FELT ABOUT IT BUT THERE WAS
PRESSURE BECAUSE THEY KNEW MANY
OF THE ALL-STAR PLAYERS WOULD
REFUSE TO PLAY IN THE GAME AND
THE NATIONAL LEAGUE MANAGER DAVE
ROBERTS OF THE DODGERS HAD SAID
HE WAS CONSIDERING NOT COMING TO
ATLANTA FOR THE GAME.
ROB MANFRED THE COMMISSIONER WAS
IN A DIFFICULT POSITION.
IT WOULD BE A P.R. NIGHTMARE OF
SEVERAL OF THE BEST PLAYERS
DIDN'T SHOW UP SO THE MOVE HE
MADE WAS PREEMPTIVE, TAKE IT TO
DENVER.
THE PROBLEM WITH THAT IS IT
LACKS SOME OF THE MORAL CLARITY
THAT YOU ASSOCIATE WITH OTHER
BOYCOTTS.
NO SUPER BOWL IN PHOENIX IN THE
EARLY 90s BECAUSE ARIZONA
DIDN'T HAVE AN MLK HOLIDAY, THE
PGA OF AMERICA PULLS NEXT YEAR'S
PGA CHAMPIONSHIP, THE ONE JUST
WON BY PHIL MICKELSON FROM THE
BEDMINSTER COURSE,
DONALD TRUMP'S COURSE IN
NEW JERSEY A FEW DAYS AFTER THE
JANUARY 6 INSURRECTION.
THE REASONS FOR THAT ARE
OBVIOUS, THEY MAKE PERFECT SENS
SENSE.
HERE TO THE PUBLIC THESE REASONS
ARE LITTLE MUDDY.
THEY DON'T GRASP OF THE AS
READILY.
>> Bill: MAYBE THEY SHOULD BE
TALKED TO, THEN.
>> I GET AT.
>> Bill: WE LACK MORAL CLARITY
ABOUT WHETHER VOTING SHOULD
COUNT.
>> THEY CALL THEM VOTER
INTEGRITY LAWS AND ON THE OTHER
HAND THOSE WHO REGARD
DONALD TRUMP AS THEIR NORTHSTAR
HAVE A VERY PECULIAR DEFINITION
OF INTEGRITY.
WE KNOW THE REASON HERE IS WEIRD
RIGHT WING VIRTUAL SIGNALING
LIKE WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING
BECAUSE TRUMP THOUGHT THE
ELECTION WAS FIXED AND THE ONLY
EVIDENCE OF ANYBODY TRYING TO
STEAL IT AND IT'S ON TAPE IS
TRUMP HIMSELF.
>> Bill: THAT IS THE VERY
STATE OR TRUMP DID CALL THE GUY
AND SAY COULD YOU FIND MORE
VOTES?
LOOK UNDER THE COUCH, THERE
MIGHT BE 11,000 VOTES.
AND BRAD RATZENBERGER WHO WAS A
REPUBLICAN WHO IN MANY WAYS TO
SAVE THIS REPUBLIC BECAUSE IF WE
HAD WOULD'VE LOST THAT STATE OF
ARIZONA, IT COULD'VE GONE IN A
VERY DIFFERENT DIRECTION.
HE STOOD UP AS SOME OF THE
COURTS DID, WE ARE GOING TO TALK
ABOUT THIS ON THE PANEL BUT THIS
IS WHAT IS DISAPPEARING IN THIS
COUNTRY BEHIND THE SCENES.
THEY ARE SLOWLY -- THEY DIDN'T
SAY AFTER THEY LOST OH, WELL, I
GUESS WE SHOULDN'T TRY TO CHEAT
AGAIN, THEY SAID OKAY, I SEE HOW
WE CAN HAVE TO DO IT BETTER NEXT
TIME.
>> AGREED TO.
IF THIS IS NOT JIM CROW 2.0,
WHICH MIGHT BE HYPERBOLIC -- THE
IDEA, ALL OF THESE INITIATIVES
ARE COMING FROM REPUBLICANS
AROUND THE COUNTRY, SOME 40
STATES.
THE IDEA IS TO GAIN WHATEVER
EDGE THEY CAN GAIN.
WILL THESE LAWS TO STOP ANYONE
WHO IS DETERMINED TO VOTE FROM
VOTING?
NO.
WILL IT MAKE IT MORE DIFFICULT
FOR SOME PEOPLE AND WILL THEY BE
DISPROPORTIONALLY DEMOCRATIC
VOTERS?
YES.
>> Bill: IS NOT JUST THAT IT'S
THAT THERE IS NO MORE BRAD
RATZENBERGER IN GEORGIA, THEY
GOT RID OF THAT GUY, THAT'S WHAT
THEY ARE DOING.
>> THE STATE LEGISLATURE IS
CONTROLLED BY REPUBLICANS, IT
CAN OVERSEE ELECTIONS AND
OVERTURN CERTAIN THINGS BUT
MEANWHILE THEY MOVE IT TO
DENVER, 9% AFRICAN-AMERICAN
POPULATION, 51% IN ATLANTA.
>> Bill: THAT'S MACRO.
>> I GET YOUR POINT, I JUST
DON'T KNOW IF THE POINT
RESONATES AS WELL AS IT MIGHT'VE
INTENDED TO.
>> Bill: THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE
FOR.
I SEE MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL NOW
IS GOING TO COUNT THE RECORDS OF
THE NEGRO LEAGUES WITH REGULAR
MAJOR LEAGUES IT'S GOING TO
BLEND THEM IN WITH STATISTICS.
IT COULD BE IF THEY FIND OUT
JUDGE GIBSON AT 800 HOME RUNS,
HE WOULD BE THE ALL-TIME LEADER,
WHERE ARE YOU ON THAT?
>> HERE IS MY FEELING, VERY
OFTEN IF YOU ARE IN GENERAL
SYMPATHY OR AGREEMENT WITH A
CAUSE, THEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
JUST NOD AND A SCENT THAT'S
ANYTHING THAT'S PRESENTED UNDER
THE HEADING OF THAT BECAUSE.
>> Bill: NOT ON THIS SHOW.
[LAUGHTER]
>> YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT IT.
I WAS THE MC OF THE OPENING OF
THE NEGRO LEAGUES M MUSEUM IN
KANSAS CITY, IT'S ONE OF THE
GREAT MUSEUMS IN THE COUNTRY,
WONDERFUL IN EVERY WAY, THE
NEGRO LEAGUES DERIVE THEIR
MEANING FROM THE INJUSTICE THAT
WAS IMPOSED UPON THEM AND FROM
ANYONE INVOLVED TRIUMPHING OVER
THAT INJUSTICE.
WE CAN'T LEARN ENOUGH ABOUT THE
NEGRO LEAGUES, I THINK I READ
EVERY BOOK AND WATCHED EVERY
DOCUMENTARY THAT HAS BEEN MADE
ABOUT IT, IT'S A GLORIOUS STORY.
IT'S AN IMPORTANT PART OF BIG
LEAGUE HISTORY BUT YOU CAN'T
AUTOMATICALLY JUST BLEND THOSE
STATS WITH BIG-LEAGUE STATS,
WHICH IS NOT TO SAY THE
NEGRO LEAGUES WEREN'T AS GOOD,
IN SOME CASES THEY WERE BETTER
THAN THEIR CONTEMPORARIES AMONG
WHITE MAJOR LEAGUERS.
A GENERATION OR TWO DOWN THE
ROAD, IF THAT'S ALL YOU'RE
LOOKING AT, YOU WILL HAVE LOST
THE MEANING OF THE
NEGRO LEAGUES.
AT VARIOUS TIMES THERE WERE
THREE OR FOUR DIFFERENT
NEGRO LEAGUES OPERATING
SIMULTANEOUSLY AND EVEN THE
RESEARCHERS WHO HAVE DONE AN
EXHAUSTIVE JOB HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE
TO TRACK DOWN ALL OF THE STATS.
THEY'VE GOT JOSH GIBSON WITH 113
HOME RUNS, BY LEGEND HE HAD
ABOUT 800.
THE OLD SAYING, WHEN THE FACTS
AND LEGEND COLLIDE, PRINT THE
LEGEND.
IN THIS CASE, THE LEGEND IS
ALMOST CERTAINLY CLOSER TO THE
TRUTH.
WHY SHOULD A FEW AT-BATS THAT A
17-YEAR-OLD WILLIE MAYS HAD A
1948 FOR THE BIRMINGHAM BLACK
BEAR IN SLOWER HIS LIFETIME
BATTING AVERAGE FROM .302 TO .3
.301.
THEY SHOULD HAVE AN EXHAUSTIVE
REFERENCE AND YOU TAKE EVERY
NEGRO LEAGUER AND YOU PUT THAT
REFERENCE ALPHABETICALLY
WHEREVER YOU BELONG, JOSH GIBSON
WOULD COME BETWEEN BOB GIBSON
AND KURT GIBSON AND YOU WOULD
SEE HIS STATS.
>> Bill: YOU'VE CONVINCED ME,
THIS IS THE KIND OF COMMON SENSE
WING MAN I NEED ON HBO AND NOW I
HAVE HIM!
BOB COSTAS, LOOK FOR IT LATER
THIS SUMMER, LET'S MEET OUR
PANEL.
♪ ♪
HEY, GUYS.
HE'S A PULITZER PRIZE-WINNING
COLUMNIST AT THE NEW YORK TIMES
AND CO AUTHOR OF "TIGHTROPE:
AMERICANS REACHING FOR HOPE":
NICHOLAS KRISTOF.
HE'S A DEMOCRATIC STRATEGIST AND
CO HOST OF THE WEEKLY PODCAST
"POLITICS WAR ROOM WITH JAMES
CARVILLE AND AL HUNT": JAMES
CARVILLE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALWAYS MAKING NEWS, SHOWING THE
FLAG FOR LSU.
WE STARTED TO TALK ABOUT THIS
OVER THERE, I'M A LITTLE
WORRIED, WE USED TO USE THE WORD
OF SLOW-MOVING COUP EVEN BEFORE
TRUMP WAS ELECTED, I'M GOING TO
HAVE TO DOUBLE DOWN ON THAT.
I FEEL LIKE IT'S TAKING MORE
THAN ONE ELECTION CYCLE AND WHEN
ELECTIONS BECOME ABOUT THE
ELECTION ITSELF, THEN YOU LOST
YOUR COUNTRY.
THEN YOU'RE NOT REALLY A
DEMOCRACY ANYMORE.
THE FACT THAT TODAY WE FOUND OUT
THERE'S GOING TO BE NO
COMMISSION TO LOOK INTO WHAT
HAPPENED ON JANUARY 6TH -- NOT
THAT IT WAS A MYSTERY, RIGHT?
LIZ CHENEY THE ONE PROMINENT
REPUBLICAN WHO SPOKE OUT AGAINST
IT, SHE'S GONE, THEY EXILED HER.
AS I WAS SAYING TO BOB, THEY ARE
REPLACING THE PEOPLE WHO SAVE
THE LAST ELECTION, BY A
THUMBNAIL.
THEY ARE REPLACING THEM WITH THE
STOP THE STEEL PEOPLE.
WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN 2024
AND WHAT DO WE DO TO STOP IT?
IT'S NOT THE SAME SCENARIO
ALREADY WHAT IS GOING ON BEHIND
THE SCENES.
>> I DON'T THINK IN EARLY 2021
WE CAN KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING IN
2022 ELECTIONS, AND I DO THINK
THE DEGREE WHICH THE G.O.P. HAS
GONE OFF THE RAILS DOES MITIGATE
ITS CHANCES OF COMING BACK.
I ALSO THINK THAT POLITICAL
SCIENCE HAS ARGUED THERE IS A
CONSIDERABLE RISK OF BACKLASH
AND TRULY WHAT HAS OFTEN
SUPPRESS THE VOTE HAS NOT BEEN
VOTER I.D. LAWS, IT'S BEEN
APATHY.
ONE GOOD MECHANISM TO COUNTERACT
THAT APATHY IS WHEN PEOPLE SAY
PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SUPPRESS
YOUR VOTE.
>> Bill: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT
ACTUAL VOTING, I'M TALKING ABOUT
THEY ARE CHANGING BEHIND THE
SCENES THE PEOPLE WHO COUNT THE
VOTES, THIS IS WHAT STALIN USED
TO SAY, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO
VOTES, IT MATTERS WHO COUNTS THE
VOTES.
THIS IS WHAT IS CHANGING.
THIS IS WHAT DEMOCRATS ARE TOO
COMPLACENT ABOUT NOW, WE WON THE
LAST ONE, BIDEN PRESIDENT BUT
BEHIND THE SCENES NEXT TIME,
THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE THAT
BRAD RATZENBERGER GUY THERE.
HE'S NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO
COUNT THE VOTES, THE
LEGISLATURES SOME TIME NOW HAVE
PRECEDENT, THEY CAN TAKE IT AWAY
FROM THE PEOPLE WHO FORMALLY
WERE BIPARTISAN COUNTING THE
VOTES.
>> THE DEMOCRATS KNOW WHAT'S
HAPPENING TO THEM, I KNOW
DEMOCRATIC LAWYERS, FRED
WERTHEIMER IS FIGHTING CONGRESS,
PELOSI, SCHUMER, PEOPLE ARE
PANICKED BUT IN GEORGIA THE
SECRETARY OF STATE COUNTS THE
VOTES IN THE LEGISLATURE SAYS
WE'LL JUST DECIDE AND IF YOU
REMEMBER THE HISTORY THE
LEGISLATURE USED A PICK
UNITED STATES SENATORS.
OF COURSE THEY ARE
ANTIDEMOCRATIC BUT THAT'S WHAT
THEIR VOTERS WANT, 23% OF SELF
IDENTIFIED REPUBLICANS AGREE
WITH Q AND ON, THEY ARE MORE Q
AND REPUBLICANS.
>> Bill: YOU PRONOUNCE IT COUP
ANON.
[LAUGHTER]
THERE ARE THINGS IN THE TABLE
LIKE PACKING THE COURT, ADDING
MORE SUPREME COURT JUSTICES,
MAKING PUERTO RICO AND
WASHINGTON, D.C., A STATE,
ENDING THE FILIBUSTER, T THOSE E
THE THREE BIG INSTITUTIONAL
CHANGES THEY SAY WE SHOULD MAKE
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE AND NOTHING
CAN BE DONE ABOUT THESE PEOPLE
WHO ARE SLOWLY TAKING OVER THE
VOTING PROCESS, WHERE ARE YOU ON
THESE THREE ISSUES, ARE THOSE
THINGS SHOULD DO?
NEW STATES, NO FILIBUSTER?
>> I TEND TO THINK THAT BIDEN IS
RIGHT TO FOCUS ON DELIVERING
REAL THINGS THAT BRING ABOUT
CHANGE AND LESS ON SOME OF THESE
OTHER STEPS, I CERTAINLY WOULD
LIKE TO SEE WASHINGTON, D.C.,
BECOME A STATE, THAT MAKES SENSE
TO ME BUT REALISTICALLY THAT'S
NOT GOING TO HAPPEN,
SENATOR MANCHIN IS NOT GOING TO
GO FOR THAT.
I THINK WITH THE DEMOCRATS CAN
DO AND I THINK PRESIDENT BIDEN
IS FOCUSING ON THIS IS MAKE
IMPROVEMENTS, REAL IMPROVEMENTS
IN PEOPLE'S LIVES THEY CAN
DELIVER ON, PAST NATIONAL
CHILD CARE, NATIONAL PRE-K,
BANDWIDTH FOR ALL IN A COMMUNITY
LIKE MY OWN IN RURAL OREGON,
THAT WOULD MAKE A HUGE
DIFFERENCE.
MY COMMUNITY IS REPUBLICAN BUT
VOTED FOR FDR IN 1932.
>> Bill: THEY SAY PEOPLE DON'T
VOTE TO SAY THANK YOU, THEY VOTE
TO SAY FUCK YOU.
IF THERE'S A LONG HISTORY OF
THAT, IT'S ABSOLUTELY TRUE THAT
THE DEMOCRATS DO DELIVER, THEY
ARE DELIVERING NOW, THAT HAS
BEEN GOING ON FOR DECADES.
MAYBE IT'S WHAT YOU SAID A
COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO THAT GOT SO
MANY HEADLINES, YOU SAID "
"WOKENESS IS A PROBLEM AND
EVERYONE KNOWS IT AND TALK ABOUT
IT BEHIND THE SCENES."
>> I GOT A GIFT FOR YOU, IT'S
WRITTEN BY VLADIMIR LENIN, HE
COULDN'T DEAL WITH THE WOKENESS
IN ST. PETERSBURG A HUNDRED
YEARS AGO, WHAT ARE YOU AND I
GOING TO DO?
WOULDN'T DO THAT WELL IN THE
ELECTION, WE LOST HOUSE SEATS.
WE CAME BACK IN GEORGIA BUT THE
VICE PRESIDENT HAS TO VOTE TO
BREAK A TIE.
BIDEN CAME WITHIN 42,000 VOTES
OF LOSING, HOW MUCH MORE DAMAGE
CAN THESE PEOPLE DO TO THE PARTY
BRAND BEFORE THEY FIGURE OUT TO
DO THE THINGS THAT NICK IS
TALKING ABOUT, TO DO THINGS
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, YOU'VE GOT
TO POWER, IT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU
CAN DO IT AND TO ACQUIRE POWER
YOU HAVE TO TALK THE LANGUAGE OF
THE PEOPLE.
WE HAVE TO START LEARNING THAT.
THIS IS ALL PIE IN THE SKY
STUFF.
>> Bill: THE PEOPLE GET THEIR
NEWS FROM NEWSFEEDS MOSTLY, THEY
SEE IT ON FACEBOOK OR WHEN
SOMEONE SENDS THEM SOMETHING OR
TWITTER, THEY AREN'T READING
"THE NEW YORK TIMES" I'M SORRY
TO SAY, MOST OF THEM.
>> NOT ENOUGH.
>> Bill: NOT ENOUGH.
AND WHAT THEY SEE THERE IS THIS
DRIP DRIP DRIP EVERY DAY OF
SOMETHING INSANE.
NOT THAT QANON IS THE MOST
INSANE COME OF COURSE IT IS,
THAT WINS THE TROPHY.
A FEW WEEKS AGO WE WERE DOING A
BIT ABOUT MOVIES THAT HAVE TO
HAVE DISCLAIMERS, WE MADE A JOKE
ABOUT SNOW WHITE BECAUSE THE
KISS IS NONCONSENSUAL.
AND THEN THEY DID IT.
LIKE THREE WEEKS LATER, IT
BECAME REALITY, WE CAN'T HAVE
SNOW WHITE KISS BECAUSE -- MY
POINT IS THE DEMOCRATS HAVE
BECOME THE PARTY OF NO COMMON
SENSE.
YOU CAN'T WIN ELECTIONS.
>> THAT IS 15% OF THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
>> Bill: BUT THEY HAVE THEIR
REP, ANYTHING THAT IS "THE PARTY
OF," EITHER GOES IN THE BLUE BIN
OR THE RED IN.
>> THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY IS A LOT
OF BLACKS, COLLEGE-EDUCATED
WOMEN, LOOK TO THE FEDERAL
GOVERNMENT TO DULL THE HARSHER
EDGES OF CAPITALISM, IF YOU LOOK
AT -- THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY HAS
TO MAKE A DECISION BETWEEN THE
PRACTICAL OF JOE BIDEN AND
EVERYONE ON THE LEFT,
SENATOR WARREN, SENATOR SANDERS,
IT WASN'T CLOSE.
15% OF OUR PARTY DISRESPECTS
DEMOCRATS WHO GO OUT AND VOTE IN
PRIMARIES, MAKE A CHOICE, MAKE A
SELECTION.
UNTIL WE ALL LEARNED THAT AND
NOT LET THE URBAN EDUCATED CORE
DEFINE US TO EVERYBODY ELSE IN
THE COUNTRY, WE ARE GOING TO
CONTINUE TO HAVE DISAPPOINTING
NIGHTS LIKE WE HAD A NOVEMBER.
>> Bill: I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S
BECAUSE PEOPLE -- I WAS READING
ABOUT LOCKHEED MARTIN.
THEY ARE ONE OF THE COMPANIES,
THIS IS GOING ON ALL OF THE
COUNTRY NOW, THAT HAVE -- I
WOULD SAY THEY ARE FORCED TO
HAVE THIS KIND OF DIVERSITY
TRAINING.
IT'S A THREE DAY CAMP, PEOPLE
WERE WRITING ABOUT IT.
WHAT'S IN IT?
MARGINALIZED GROUPS ARE FREED
FROM THE EXHAUSTING WORK
COACHING WHITE MEN TO UNDERSTAND
THEIR WORLD.
I'M SURE THAT A SORT OF A
PROBLEM SOMETIMES, PEOPLE WHO
DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR WORLD, BUT
I THOUGHT WE WERE GETTING ALONG
ENOUGH TO TALK TO EACH OTHER IN
THE WORKPLACE.
SO THESE COMPANIES -- THIS IS A
COTTAGE INDUSTRY NOW.
TO HIRE SOMEONE TO YELL AT THE
WHITE PEOPLE.
>> IT'S A REFLECTION OF A
REALITY THAT THERE IS A CERTAIN
AMOUNT OF MYOPIA ABOUT RACIAL
ISSUES AND AN EXAMPLE OF THAT IS
A PANEL OF THREE WHITE GUYS
TALKING ABOUT RACE.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: SO THREE WHITE PEOPLE
CAN'T TALK ABOUT RACE, YOU DON'T
DO THAT IN YOUR PRIVATE LIFE,
THREE WHITE PEOPLE -- IT'S SO
SILLY THAT WE SHOULD HAVE TO
HAVE A BENETTON AD EVERY TIME I
HAVE A SHOW.
I ONLY HAVE TWO CHAIRS, YOU GUYS
WERE AVAILABLE THIS WEEK, YOU'RE
SMART, THERE'S NO CRIME IN THIS.
IT WOULD BE A CRIME IF I NEVER
HAD A BLACK PERSON ON.
>> I DO THINK DISCUSSIONS ABOUT
DIVERSITY BENEFIT FROM DIVERSE
VOICES.
>> Bill: YES.
>> I THINK IS AWFUL LOT OF
WHITES, POLLS SHOW 50% OF WHITES
IN AMERICA DON'T BELIEVE BLACKS
FACED SERIOUS IMPEDIMENTS.
THERE WAS A GOOD HARVARD STUDY
SHOWING THEY SENT OUT 1500
APPLICATIONS WITH SOME BLACK
NAMES, SOME WHITE NAMES TO JOB
ADS, A WHITE NAME WAS EQUIVALENT
TO EIGHT MORE YEARS OF JOB
EXPERIENCE.
I'M NOT DEFENDING THIS
JOB TRAINING, I DO THINK THERE
IS A REAL --
>> Bill: I'M NOT EVEN ARGUING
THAT, I'M SAYING IS THIS THE
METHOD TO DO IT, TO HAVE THESE
OUTSIDERS COME IN AND TAKE YOU
SOMEWHERE.
I THINK THEY HAVE STUDIED IT'S,
THEY FOUND OUT IT DOESN'T WORK.
PEOPLE RESENT IT.
>> I THINK I COULD BENEFITS, I'M
SURE THERE ARE THINGS IN MY
EVERYDAY LIFE THAT I COULD DO
BETTER.
BUT YOU START OUT AND YOU SAY
ALL RIGHT, YOU SORRY WHITE SACK
OF RACIST SHIT -- THERE ARE WAYS
THAT YOU COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE
THAT YOU DON'T REALIZE, I'M ALL
EARS.
BY THE WAY, THIS GUY ERIC
HAWTHORNE WHO SAID EVERY
MOVEMENT STARTS OUT AS A CAUSE,
MORPHS INTO A BUSINESS AND
MORPHS INTO A RACKET.
>> Bill: IT IS A WOKE
PROTECTION RACKETS BECAUSE YOU
CAN'T SAY NO TO IT BECAUSE THEN
YOU'RE RACIST TO BEGIN WITH AND
WHAT THEY HAVE FOUND OUT IS WHAT
WORKS BETTER, SO
COMMONSENSICAL -- SIDE-BY-SIDE,
PEOPLE WORKING SIDE-BY-SIDE
WHICH I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING
AND MOVING TOWARD WHEN PEOPLE
ACTUALLY WORKED TOGETHER.
AND CAN JOKE WITH EACH OTHER,
JOKING AS A BONDING EXPERIENCE.
NO ONE WOULD MAKE A JOKE.
[APPLAUSE]
>> I DO THINK JAMES WAS RIGHT
EARLIER AND MAKING THE POINT
THAT THIS IS AN EXTREME WING OF
THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY THAT CAUSES
THESE.
I DON'T THINK WHAT LOCKHEED DID
IS TRULY THE MOST IMPORTANT
ISSUE FACING THE COUNTRY.
YET WE AMPLIFY IT WITH OUR
DISCUSSION.
>> Bill: IT'S NOT, BUT THEY
AREN'T THE ONLY COMPANY DOING
IT, IT'S GOING ON ALL OVER AND
WHAT I'M ASKING IS I THINK THIS
IS GOING TO BE A PROBLEM FOR THE
DEMOCRATS.
NOBODY WHO IS IN A THREE DAY
CAMP AND RESENTS IT IS GOING TO
BLAME THE REPUBLICANS FOR THIS,
THEY ARE GOING TO BLAME THE
DEMOCRATS AND THEY ARE GOING TO
SAY YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK I CAN HANDLE THIS ON MY
OWN, THERE ARE RACISTS OUT THERE
IN THIS COUNTRY, OF COURSE THERE
IS RACISM IN THE SYSTEM FROM THE
BEGINNING THAT NEEDS TO BE
ROOTED OUT.
ON AN INDIVIDUAL LEVEL THERE ARE
PEOPLE GOING I GET IT, I'M NOT
AN IDIOT, I HAVE LOOKED AT MY
SOUL, I KNOW WHO I AM, I DON'T
THINK I'M REALLY A PART OF THIS
PROBLEM I KNOW YOU'RE YELLING AT
ME FOR THREE DAYS FOR SOMETHING
I THOUGHT I WAS TAKING CARE OF
ON A PERSONAL LEVEL BY BEING A
DECENT PERSON TO EVERYBODY.
[APPLAUSE]
>> I THINK SOME OF THIS, MY GOOD
FRIEND IS THE ATHLETIC DIRECTOR
AT LSU, THEY DO A LOT OF THIS
BUT THEY START TO DO SURVEYS
THEY FOUND OUT HOW PEOPLE FEEL
IN THE WORKPLACE, I THINK YOU
NEED THAT.
I THINK A LOT OF WHITE PEOPLE
DON'T LIVE MULTICULTURAL, THEY
LIVE ISOLATED AND I THINK SOME
OF THIS IS A GOOD IDEA.
THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO THAT
YOU CAN'T TAKE TOO FAR AND
APPARENTLY LOCKHEED BOUGHT INTO
SOME SYSTEM FROM SOMEBODY THAT
WAS JUST IDIOTIC.
>> Bill: IF I CAN CHANGE
TOPICS HERE, VEGAS IS COMING
BACK, JUNE 1ST, THEY ARE AT FULL
CAPACITY.
[APPLAUSE]
I WANT TO SAY LAS VEGAS TO ME IS
AMERICA, YES VEGAS IS TACKY BUT
AMERICA IS TACKY AND THEY HAVE
ASKED ME, THE CITY OF LAS VEGAS
TO ANNOUNCE THE NEW SLOGANS --
THEY DIDN'T RELATE BUT I'M
PRETENDING THEY DID, TO WELCOME
PEOPLE BACK TO FULL CAPACITY,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE SOME OF
THE NEW SLOGANS WE HAVE FOR
LAS VEGAS?
OKAY.
LAS VEGAS!
SCREW AS LOUD AS YOU LIKE
WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT WAKING
THE KIDS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
LAS VEGAS!
WE INVENTED "I NEVER GO
OUTSIDE"!
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
COME TO LAS VEGAS.
THAT STIMULUS MONEY ISN'T GOING
TO SPEND ITSELF.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NOW THAT YOU'RE IMMUNE, TRY THE
BUFFET.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS STAYS IN
VEGAS.
UNLIKE WUHAN.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
WHERE THE GIRLS WILL DO THAT
THING YOUR WIFE THINKS IS GROSS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
SEE BILL MAHER LIVE, JULY 17TH
AT THE MIRAGE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOW DID...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOW DID THAT GET IN THERE?
IT'S TRUE, I'LL BE THERE
JULY 17TH.
REPUBLICANS: KIDS EAT FREE!
DEMOCRATS: EAT KIDS FREE!
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I KNEW YOU WOULD GET THAT.
WHERE YOU CAN FEEL BADLY FOR
BRITNEY SPEARS IN PERSON.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
AND VEGAS!
WHERE UBER-WOKE PEOPLE CAN GO
FUCK THEMSELVES.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ONE OF THE FRUSTRATIONS I HAD
WHILE I WAS OFF AS I WAS
WATCHING THIS WAR GO ON IN
ISRAEL, ISRAEL IS THE CHAMPION
OF HAVING VERY QUICK WARS, THIS
ONE WAS 11 DAYS BUT MOST OF THEM
YOU CAN COUNT BY DAYS, EVEN ONES
WHERE THEY WERE FACING WHOLE
ARMIES.
IT WAS FRUSTRATING TO ME BECAUSE
THERE WAS NO ONE ON LIBERAL
MEDIA TO DEFEND ISRAEL, REALLY,
WE BECOME THIS COUNTRY NOW WHERE
WE ARE ONE SIDED ON THIS ISSUE.
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO SAY OFF THE
BAT THAT I DON'T THINK KIDS
UNDERSTAND -- WHEN I SAY KIDS, I
SAY THE YOUNGER GENERATIONS --
YOU CAN'T LEARN HISTORY OF
INSTAGRAM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THERE'S JUST NOT ENOUGH SPACE.
SO I WANT TO GO OVER SOME OF THE
HISTORY BUT FIRST I READ YOUR
COLUMN ON IT, EVENHANDED AND
BRILLIANT AS USUAL.
LET ME QUOTE YOU OFF THE BAT.
YOU SAY AT HOME, ISRAEL HAS A
ROBUST DEMOCRACY THAT GIVES MORE
RIGHTS TO ARAB CITIZENS AND ITS
NEIGHBORS DO.
[APPLAUSE]
THIS WAS AFTER ALL A WAR WITH
GAZA.
THANK GOD ISRAEL TREATS ITS ARAB
CITIZENS BETTER THAN EGYPT,
SYRIA, OR SAUDI ARABIA TREAT
THEIR ARAB CITIZENS COME I
DIDN'T SEE MUCH OF THAT IN THE
PRESS, I WAS GLAD TO SEE YOU SAY
IT, CAN YOU PUT SOME BONES ON
THAT, WHY DO YOU SAY THEY TREAT
THEIR CITIZENS BETTER, THEIR
ARAB CITIZENS?
>> I ALSO SAID A LOT MORE AND
CLEARLY WITHIN ISRAEL, ARAB
CITIZENS OBVIOUSLY VOTE, THEY
CAN SERVE IN THE KNESSET, THEY
CAN BE JUDGES, SOME OF THE MOST
ROBUST ORGANIZATIONS SPEAKING
UPPER PALESTINIANS ARE
ORGANIZATIONS LIKE THE HUMAN
RIGHTS ORGANIZATION -- THAT DOES
NOT HAPPEN IN EGYPT, OBVIOUSLY
MASSACRES EGYPTIANS, WE'VE SEEN
IT HAPPEN IN SYRIA.
I WOULD ALSO SAY THAT I MADE
THAT POINT FOR CONTEXT, I THINK
IT'S IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND
THAT ISRAEL AT HOME TRULY IS
ROBUST.
BUT I DON'T THINK THAT IS A
DEFENSE FOR ISRAEL ENGAGING AND
POSSIBLE WAR CRIMES IN GAZA.
>> Bill: GAZA FIRED 4,000
ROCKETS INTO ISRAEL, WHAT WOULD
YOU SAY ISRAEL SHOULD HAVE DONE
INSTEAD OF WHAT THEY DID?
>> INTERNATIONAL LAWYERS ARE
PRETTY CLEAR THEY HAVE A RIGHT
TO DEFEND THEMSELVES, THEY HAVE
A RIGHT TO RESPOND AT MILITARY
TARGETS BUT THERE IS A SENSE
THAT THE RESPONSE WAS PROBABLY A
WAR CRIME BECAUSE IT DID NOT
SUFFICIENTLY AVOID CIVILIAN
CASUALTIES.
>> Bill: BUT THEY PURPOSELY
PUT THE ROCKETS IN CIVILIAN
PLACES.
>> LIKEWISE ISRAEL'S DEFENSE
MINISTRY IS A CIVILIAN AREA,
BOTH SIDES DO THIS.
I THINK HAMAS PARTICULARLY
DOESN'T AND IT'S A WAR CRIME ON
PART OF HAMAS AND CLEARLY HAMAS
IS ENGAGING IN WAR CRIMES.
>> Bill: WAR IS A CRIME, IT
SEEMS LIKE A SILLY ARGUMENT WHEN
PEOPLE GO TO WAR, THERE ARE
CERTAIN THINGS THAT ARE BEYOND
THE PALE BUT THIS SEEMS LIKE IT
WAS A NORMAL WAR, PEOPLE DIE IN
WAR, IT'S A HORRIBLE THING.
>> WE HAVE DEVELOPED LAWS OF WAR
PRECISELY TO RESTRAIN INHUMANITY
OF WAR, WE DON'T ALLOW CHEMICAL
WEAPONS.
A SPOON I DON'T KNOW I WAS TO
RESPOND -- WHAT IF CANADA FIRED
4,000 ROCKETS INTO AMERICA OR
MEXICO WHICH IS AN EVEN BETTER
ANALOGY BECAUSE WE ACTUALLY DID
STEAL THE LAND FROM MEXICO -- I
WOULD SUBMIT THAT ISRAEL DID NOT
STEAL ANYBODY'S LAND, THIS IS
ANOTHER THING I'VE HEARD OF THE
LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS, WORDS LIKE
"OCCUPIERS" AND "COLONIZERS" AND
APARTHEID COME I DON'T THINK
PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THE HISTORY
THERE.
THE JEWS HAVE BEEN IN THAT AREA
OF THE WORLD SINCE ABOUT 1200
BC, WAY BEFORE THE FIRST MUSLIM
OR ARAB WALKED THE EARTH, A
THOUSAND YEARS BEFORE.
JERUSALEM WAS THEIR CAPITAL.
IF IT'S JUST ABOUT WHO GOT THERE
FIRST, IT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE.
THERE HAVE BEEN A CONTINUOUS
JEWISH PRESENCE -- THE JEWS WERE
THE ONES WHO WERE OCCUPIED BY
EVERYBODY, THE ROMANS TOOK OVER
AT SOME POINT AND THE PERSIANS
IN THE BYZANTINES AND THE
OTTOMANS, YES, THERE WAS
COLONIZATION GOING ON THERE
COMMIT BEGINNING IN THE 19TH
CENTURY, THEY STARTED TO RETURN
TO PALESTINE, WHICH WAS NEVER AN
ARAB COUNTRY, IT WAS NEVER A
COUNTRY CALLED PALESTINE THAT
WAS A DISTINCT ARAB COUNTRY.
YES, THERE WAS A PROBLEM THERE
BECAUSE THERE WERE TWO PEOPLE
WHO WANTED TO SHARE THE LAND
WHICH IS WHY THE U.N. IN 1947
SAID OKAY, WE ARE GOING TO IT.
WE HAVE THE MAP, PEOPLE FORGET
WITH THE MAP LOOKED LIKE.
THIS IS WHAT WAS ON THE TABLE AT
THE BEGINNING, THE GREEN IS THE
PART THAT THE ARAB POPULATION
WOULD HAVE GOTTEN.
IT'S A GOOD PART OF THE COUNTRY,
IT'S THE GOOD PART A LOT OF IT,
LOOK WHAT ISRAEL HAS COME A
LITTLE SLIVER BY THE COAST IN
THE DESERT IN THE SOUTH FOR THAT
SECOND MAP IS WHAT ISRAEL HAS
TODAY.
YES, IT IS A LOT MORE, BUT
DOESN'T IT BEHOOVE THE PEOPLE
WHO REJECTED THE HALF A LOAF AND
THEN CONTINUE ATTACK -- HAMAS'
CHARTER SAYS THEY JUST WANT TO
WIPE OUT ISRAEL, THEIR
NEGOTIATING POSITION IS YOU ALL
DIE.
[APPLAUSE]
>> THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
DEFENDING HAMAS WHICH I AGREE
COMMITS WAR CRIMES AND I WOULD
ACCEPT THAT I THINK TOO OFTEN IN
LIBERAL CIRCLES THERE HAS BEEN A
TENDENCY TO ELIDE THE REPRESSION
OF HAMAS, THE HOMOPHOBIA OF
HAMAS, THE MISOGYNY OF HAMAS BUT
THAT DOES NOT EXCUSE ISRAEL
RULING PALESTINIANS IN THE
WEST BANK FOR EXAMPLE WITHOUT
GIVING THEM -- TAKING WATER AND
GIVING IT THE SETTLERS AND MAYBE
MOST IMPORTANT, DAMAGING ANY
POSSIBILITY DOWN THE ROAD OF
CREATING A TWO STATE SOLUTION.
HOW DO WE AVOID A WAR WHEN
SOMEBODY IS -- SOMEONE YOUR
NEIGHBOR IS SHELLING, THAT IS
HARD.
WHAT WE CAN DO IS TRY TO CREATE
82 STATE SOLUTION TEN YEARS FROM
NOW ON THE WAY YOU DO THAT IS
YOU DON'T BUILD UP SETTLEMENTS
RIGHT NOW IN THE WEST BANK AND
YOU DON'T CREATE THIS DIVISION,
YOU DON'T SEIZE THEIR HOMES.
>> Bill: I WOULD AGREE WITH
THAT AND I THINK A LOT OF
ISRAELIS DO TOO.
>> NOT ENOUGH TO ELECT --
>> Bill: AGAIN, THE TWO STATE
SOLUTION HAS BEEN ON THE TABLE A
NUMBER OF TIMES, THERE COULD BE
AN ARAB CAPITAL IN EAST
JERUSALEM NOW IF YASSER ARAFAT
HAD ACCEPTED THAT IN 2003, HE
DID NOT.
THEY HAVE REJECTED THIS AND WENT
TO WAR TIME AND TIME AGAIN.
AS FAR AS GAZA GOES, IT'S
AMAZING TO ME THAT THE
PROGRESSIVES THINK THAT THEY ARE
BEING PROGRESSIVE BY TAKING THAT
SIDE OF IT, THE BELLA HADIDS OF
THE WORLD.
IN FEBRUARY OF THIS YEAR, A
HAMAS COURT RULED AN UNMARRIED
WOMAN CANNOT TRAVEL IN GAZA
WITHOUT THE PERMISSION OF THE
MALE GUARDIAN, THAT IS WHERE THE
PROGRESSIVES ARE?
BELLA HADID AND HER FRIENDS
WOULD RUN SCREAMING TO TEL AVIV
IF THEY HAD TO LIVE IN GAZA FOR
ONE DAY.
>> I'VE BEEN TO GAZA AND A
NUMBER OF TIMES AND ORDINARY
GAZANS COMPLAIN ABOUT HAMAS ALL
THE TIME, I DID NOT PERCEIVE
BELLA HADID AS DEFENDING HAMAS,
I SAW HER AS SPEAKING UP FOR THE
KIDS IN GAZA WHO WERE KILLED.
>> Bill: FROM THE RIVER TO THE
SEA, PALESTINE WILL BE FREE IS
WHAT I THINK SHE CHANTED WITH
PEOPLE, THAT IS A PLO SLOGAN
THAT MEANS ISRAEL FROM THE RIVER
TO THE SEA, THERE WILL BE NO
MORE ISRAEL.
YOU WANT TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT
THIS?
>> I WAS KIND OF GLAD TO LISTEN,
I DON'T WANT TO STEP ON A
LAND MINE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
TO BUTTRESS NEXT POINT A LITTLE
BIT, THEY WERE ABOUT TO FORM A
GOVERNMENT THAT INCLUDED THE
ARAB PARTY.
ONCE YOU'RE PART OF THE
GOVERNMENT, IT MEANS YOU HAVE
THREE VOTES IN THE KNESSET TO
GET THE 6161.
>> Bill: NO APARTHEID STATE
EVER DID.
AND APARTHEID WE THINK OF AS
SOUTH AFRICA WHICH IS THE WHITE
PEOPLE IN BRITAIN AND HOLLAND
WHO NEVER HAD ANY CLAIM TO THE
LAND OR ANY HISTORY THERE CAME
THOUSANDS OF YEARS LATER AND
JUST TOOK IT OVER.
THAT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
THEN THEY KEPT IT AS AN
APARTHEID
BREAK IT TO THE TONYS THAT THEY
NEED MORE STRAIGHT PEOPLE?
NEW RULE: THE PARENTS OF THE
11-YEAR OLD GIRL WHO SAID SHE
WAS ABLE TO FOIL A KIDNAPPER
BECAUSE SHE'S A DEVOTED VIEWER
OF LAW AND ORDER: SVU HAVE SOME
EXPLAINING TO DO.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN LAW AND
ORDER: SVU?
IS IT REALLY APPROPRIATE FOR A
5TH GRADER?
I'D BE A LITTLE CONCERNED IF MY
KID STOPPED ASKING MY WHY
SPONGEBOB LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE
AND STARTED ASKING ME HOW SEMEN
COULD END UP IN A DEAD PERSON'S
THROAT.
NEW RULE: IF MEN ARE EXPECTED TO
KNOW 45 SEXUAL POSITIONS, AS
MEN'S HEALTH MAGAZINE SUGGESTS,
THEY MUST BE ALLOWED TO WEAR
THEM ON THEIR WRIST LIKE A
QUARTERBACK.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I KNOW, IT'S A BIT BULKY AND
MIGHT GET IN THE WAY, BUT HAVING
ANOTHER GUY RUN IN THE PLAYS IS
A TOTAL MOOD-KILLER.
AND FINALLY, NEW RULE.
SOMEONE MUST EXPLAIN WHY
CELEBRITIES RUNNING FOR HIGH
OFFICE IS A RECURRING NIGHTMARE
WE CAN'T SEEM TO SHAKE.
THE ROCK, CAITLYN JENNER,
MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY, RANDY QUAID
- THEY ALL HAVE SUGGESTED LATELY
THAT WHEN IT COMES TO RUNNING
THE COUNTRY, THEY HAVE WHAT IT
TAKES, AND THEY DO: MALIGNANT
NARCISSISM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
DID WE ALL NOT JUST WITNESS THE
CAUTIONARY TALE NAMED DONALD
TRUMP?
THE LAST FOUR YEARS WAS A
WARNING, NOT AN INSPIRATION.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT
[APPLAUSE]
AND THINK, "I GUESS HIGH-LEVEL
GOVERNMENT JOBS SHOULD GO TO
PEOPLE WHO'VE TRAINED FOR IT AND
KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING."
I'M SURE CAITLYN JENNER IS A
NICE PERSON BUT AS CALIFORNIA
GOVERNOR SHE WOULD BE IN CHARGE
OF THE WORLD'S FIFTH LARGEST
ECONOMY, BASED ON HER
QUALIFICATIONS OF BEING A
BACKGROUND CHARACTER IN A
REALITY SHOW NOT ABOUT HER.
[LAUGHTER]
RANDY QUAID WHO YOU'LL REMEMBER
[APPLAUSE]
AS COUSIN EDDIE IN THE VACATION
MOVIES AND AS "GUY ROOTING
THROUGH YOUR RECYCLING BIN" IN
REAL LIFE, ALSO SAYS HE MIGHT
WANT TO RUN OUR STATE.
WHEN DID GOVERNING BECOME THE
SAFETY SCHOOL FOR WHEN THE GUEST
SPOTS ON "CHICAGO FIRE" DRY UP?
[LAUGHTER]
WE TREAT GOVERNMENT LIKE THE
LOWEST RUNG OF CELEBRITY: ROCK
STARS, MOVIE STARS, TV STARS,
DANCING WITH THE STARS,
MAGICIANS.
CONGRESSMAN.
[LAUGHTER]
GOVERNING IS A DIFFICULT,
[APPLAUSE]
NUANCED JOB WITH PEOPLE'S LIVES
AND LIVELIHOODS AT STAKE.
PERHAPS YOU'VE NOTICED THAT
THINGS IN AMERICA HAVE BEEN A
LITTLE DIFFERENT THESE LAST FIVE
MONTHS?
THAT'S BECAUSE THERE ARE PEOPLE
BACK IN CHARGE WHO SPENT THEIR
FORMATIVE YEARS NOT ON A SOUND
STAGE BUT STUDYING THE STUFF YOU
NEED TO KNOW TO BE EFFECTIVE ON
THE WORLD STAGE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY IS, I'M
SURE, ALSO A LOVELY PERSON, BUT
WHEN HE SAYS HE'S CONSIDERING A
RUN FOR GOVERNOR IN TEXAS I MUST
SAY THAT IS NOT ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I'M NOT SAYING THAT HE, AND ALL
THESE CANDIDATES, HAVEN'T LED
LIFETIMES OF GLORIOUS
ACHIEVEMENT: THE ROCK PROVED
ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT
WEIGHTLIFTERS CAN DRIVE, AND
[LAUGHTER]
MATTHEW INTRODUCED LINCOLNS TO
STONERS AND CAITLYN MARRIED THE
WOMAN WHO MARRIED THE GUY WHO
DEFENDED OJ.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
AND IT'S NOT THAT THEY ARE
ACTORS, IT'S THAT THEY'RE NOT
PROFESSIONALS IN THIS OTHER
FIELD.
CALLED GOVERNMENT.
[LAUGHTER]
THIS GUY WAS A ROCK STAR, BUT
[APPLAUSE]
BECAUSE HE WAS GOOD IN HIS
FIELD.
OF GOVERNMENT.
THAT'S NOT YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THERE'S A THOUSAND THINGS YOU
HAVE TO KNOW BEFORE TAKING
OFFICE TO DO IT RIGHT AND I BET
THOSE PEOPLE I MENTIONED WHO ARE
NOW IN CHARGE, THEY KNOW THE
ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS THAT WILL
COME UP, THEY DON'T HAVE TO LOOK
IT UP OR ASK.
CAN OUR CELEBRITY FRIENDS SAY
THE SAME?
COULD THEY TELL US - OH, I DON'T
KNOW - WHAT IS BUDGET
RECONCILIATION?
WHAT ARE THE THREE LEGS OF OUR
NUCLEAR TRIAD?
WHAT'S TPP?
WHAT DOES THE FED DO?
WHERE'S CHAD?
[LAUGHTER]
WHAT AGENCY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR
OUR NUCLEAR WEAPONS?
WHAT DOES THE 14TH AMENDMENT
SAY?
WHO'S THE PRIME MINISTER OF
INDIA?
IN THE EVENT OF ANOTHER NUCLEAR
STANDOFF WITH RUSSIA, OR CHINA,
DESCRIBE KENNEDY'S STRATEGY THAT
GOT US OUT OF THE CUBAN MISSILE
CRISIS.
GOVERNING IS NOT A JOB YOU CAN
PICK UP ON THE AFTERNOON OF THE
INAUGURATION.
YOU CAN'T LEARN IT ON THE FLY.
YOU CAN'T FIX IT IN POST.
PUTIN'S NOT ON A GREEN SCREEN,
AND HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOUR
MILLION-DOLLAR SMILE.
[APPLAUSE]
IF HE TELLS YOU AT A SUMMIT THAT
HE'D LIKE TO TAKE BELARUS NOW,
YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT'S A
COUNTRY AND NOT HIS LUNCH ORDER.
NO ONE HAS TO TELL JOE BIDEN
WHAT'S IN THE CONSTITUTION,
BECAUSE HE WAS IN THE ROOM WHEN
IT WAS WRITTEN.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I'M SURE THE ROCK IS A GOOD GUY,
AND A BRIGHT GUY, AND THAT IS
NOT ENOUGH.
AND FRANKLY, THE FACT THAT HE
THINKS HE CAN STEP INTO THE
SINGLE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD
WITH NO PREPARATION TELLS ME ONE
THING FOR SURE ABOUT HIS
JUDGMENT: IT'S TERRIBLE.
[APPLAUSE]
YOU NEED MORE PROOF?
KANYE WEST THOUGHT HE COULD DO
IT.
THE ROCK SAYS HE MIGHT BE THE
RIGHT MAN FOR THE JOB BECAUSE HE
BELIEVES HE CAN UNITE THE
COUNTRY.
YOU CAN'T.
WHY, BECAUSE BLUE STATES AND RED
STATES BOTH LIKE YOUR STUPID
MOVIES?
LET ME PUT IT BLUNTLY TO YOU AND
ALL THESE WOULD-BE SHOWBIZ
CANDIDATES: YOU'RE NOT GOOD
ENOUGH.
YOU'RE NOT SMART ENOUGH.
AND DOGGONE IT, IT COMPLETELY
DOESN'T MATTER THAT PEOPLE LIKE
YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THEY LIKE YOU NOW BECAUSE YOU'RE
AN ENTERTAINER AND THUS LARGELY
UNCONTROVERSIAL - GOVERNING IS
THE OPPOSITE.
IF YOU THINK YOU CAN UNITE THE
COUNTRY, YOU'RE DELUSIONAL.
A SPACE ALIEN ATTACK COULDN'T
UNITE US.
THE ALIENS WOULD SAY, "TAKE US
TO YOUR LEADER," AND 70% OF
REPUBLICANS WOULD DRIVE THEM TO
MAR-A-LAGO.
OKAY, THAT'S OUR SHOW.
I'LL BE AT THE MAJESTIC THEATRE
IN SAN ANTONIO, JULY 10TH, AT
THE MIRAGE IN VEGAS, JULY 16TH
AND 17TH, AND AT THE BUDDY HOLLY
CENTER IN LUBBOCK, JULY 31ST.
I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS
NICHOLAS KRISTOF, JAMES CARVILLE
AND BOB COSTAS.
AND THE THANK, FOLKS.
GOOD TO BE BACK!
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]