GRACE FRASER: I had this idea of the perfect life.
♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
It is surprising how weak we all are...
-♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪ -FRANKLIN RENNER: ...when we are convinced we are not.
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
JOE MENDOZA: I gotta feeling your daughter is hiding something.
-(SIRENS WAILING) -(TRAIN CLATTERING)
Why were you there that night?
-(SIRENS CONTINUE) -(CAMERA FLASHES)
(THUNDER CRASHES)
-How weak do you think I am? - (CHESS PIECES CLATTER)
♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
♪ ♪
>> START THE CLOCK.
♪ ♪
>> Bill: THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
THANK YOU FOR COMING.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I APPRECIATE THAT, DOING ALL THE
PROTOCOLS.
I HOPE YOU'RE EXCITED, IT'S 11
DAYS UNTIL THE ELECTION.
11 DAYS, I THINK THE COUNTRY IS
FOCUSED ON ONE THING.
JEFFREY TOOBIN JERKED OFF ON
ZOOM?
DID YOU SEE THAT?
HE'S A BIG CNN ANALYSTS, HE'S A
BIG LEGAL GUY AND APPARENTLY HE
WAS WHACKING DURING A ZOOM
MEETING IN FRONT OF HIS
COLLEAGUES.
YOUR GROSSED OUT, HE'S BEEN A
GUEST ON THE SHOW, I HAD TO
SHAKE HIS HAND.
[LAUGHTER]
SO MANY GROSS THINGS THIS WEEK,
DID YOU SEE THIS?
TRUMP -- UNBELIEVABLE, HAS A
SECRET CHINESE BANK ACCOUNT AND
HE'S PAID $200,000 IN TAXES
THERE, I WAS ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED.
TRUMP PAID TAXES?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
HE'S ALWAYS SAID "I PAID TAXES."
IT JUST WASN'T IN THIS COUNTRY.
DID YOU WATCH THE DEBATE LAST
NIGHT?
OH, YOU DID.
[APPLAUSE]
WAS IT JUST ME, MY TV, IT LOOKS
LIKE THE COLOR OF TRUMP'S HEAD
WAS EVEN FOR HIM -- HE LOOKED
LIKE ROAST BEEF.
IT LOOKED LIKE BIDEN WAS
DEBATING ARBY'S, IT WAS
DISCONCERTING.
WE DID -- LAST NIGHT, WE
DISCOVERED THE MONSTER'S
WEAKNESS THE MUTE BUTTON.
JUST THE THREAT OF IT KEPT TRUMP
IN CHECK, IT WAS LIKE FIRE TO
FRANKENSTEIN OR GARLIC TO RUDY
GIULIANI.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
RUDY GIULIANI, THERE'S A NEW
BORAT MOVIE, I THINK IT STARTS
TOMORROW -- AND RUDY GIULIANI'S
IN IT BECAUSE AN ACTRESS, PART
OF THE BORAT TROUPE, SHE'S
POSING AS A CONSERVATIVE
REPORTER, LURING RUDY UP TO HIS
HOTEL ROOM WHICH SHE DOES AND
HE'S LYING THERE ON THE BED
WHILE SHE FLIRTS WITH HIM AND
HE'S GOT HIS HAND REACHING INTO
HIS TROUSERS.
HE SAYS IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS
LIKE -- NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE,
IT LOOKS LIKE AN ALIEN AUTOPSY
IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
IT COMES ON THE HEELS OF LAST
WEEK, HE WAS IN THE NEWS DIGGING
UP DIRT ON HUNTER BIDEN AFTER OF
COURSE THE WHOLE UKRAINE THING
WHERE HE WAS DIGGING UP DIRT ON
JOE BIDEN BECAUSE THAT'S WHO YOU
WANT LOOKING INTO HIGH-TECH
CORRUPTION IN THE FORMER
SOVIET UNION, SOMEONE WHO CAN
GET FOOLED BY BORAT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
HE DENIES THE WHOLE THING COME
HE CLAIMS HE WAS TUCKING IN HIS
SHIRT.
JEFFREY TOOBIN SAID "CAN I USE
THAT?"
WHAT A PIECE OF WORK, HE CLAIMS
HE WORKS FOR TRUMP FOR FREE, HE
NEVER TAKES ANY MONEY, HIS ONLY
COMPENSATION IS A GET TO EAT THE
FLIES THAT LAND ON MIKE PENCE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
LISTEN TO THIS, THE POPE --
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE HE COMES
THROUGH, HE CAME OUT IN FAVOR OF
CIVIL UNIONS FOR GAY COUPLES.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS "WHO'S THE
LUCKY CARDINAL?"
OKAY, WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW
HEIDI HEITKAMP AND ANTHONY
SCARAMUCCI ARE HERE, AND A
LITTLE LATER WE'LL BE SPEAKING
WITH: MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY.
HE'S THE AUTHOR OF "OMG WTF DOES
THE CONSTITUTION ACTUALLY SAY?:
A NON-BORING GUIDE TO HOW OUR
DEMOCRACY IS SUPPOSED TO WORK":
BEN SHEEHAN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
DON'T YOU GET NEAR ME.
>> I WON'T, I PROMISE.
>> Bill: I'M JUST KIDDING.
SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE AND I REALLY
MISPRONOUNCE THAT, I WENT OMG
AND I WENT RIGHT TO WHAT THE
FUCK BUT THOSE LETTERS DON'T
EVEN CORRESPOND TO WHAT WE THINK
THEY ARE, OH, MY GOD, WHAT THE
FUCK, IT'S ALSO OHIO, MICHIGAN,
GEORGIA.
>> WISCONSIN, TEXAS, FLORIDA.
>> Bill: THOSE OF THE KEY
STATES.
WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON THEME
WISE, WE'VE BOTH BEEN ON AND ON
FOR A LONG TIME ABOUT THIS
PROBLEM WE HAVE IN AMERICA THAT
YOU ARE SUCH A PERFECT GUEST TO
WALK US THROUGH, WE ARE ON THE
HONOR SYSTEM AND SO MUCH WE
DEPEND ON HAS NOT ACTUALLY BEEN
WRITTEN DOWN IN LAW FOR THE
CONSTITUTION AND NOW WE HAVE
SOMEONE WHO HAS NO HONOR, PUTS
HIS FAMILY IN OFFICE, GETS HELP
FROM FOREIGN COUNTRIES, RUNS A
BUSINESS EMPIRE WHILE HE'S
PRESIDENT, THINGS WE DIDN'T
THINK WE HAD TO WRITE DOWN.
MY WORRY NOW IS THE ELECTORAL
COLLEGE, IT'S NOT ACTUALLY
WRITTEN DOWN THAT THE ELECT
DOORS THAT REALLY ELECT THE
PRESIDENT GO TO THE GUY WHO GETS
THE MOST VOTES IN THE STATE.
>> YOU ONLY HAVE 17 STATES THAT
DON'T BIND THEIR ELECT DOORS
INCLUDING STATES LIKE
PENNSYLVANIA, GEORGIA, TEXAS.
THAT MAKE THEM FOLLOW THE
POPULAR VOTE IN THE STATE,
THAT'S ONE THING THAT'S NOT
WRITTEN DOWN AND THAT'S WHAT THE
SUPREME COURT DECISION EARLIER
THIS YEAR SAID IT'S
CONSTITUTIONAL TO HAVE FAITHLESS
ELECTOR LAWS AND FOR STATES TO
DECIDE NOT TO HAVE THAT.
SO MUCH OF THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE
IS SET IN THE CONSTITUTION BUT A
LOT OF THE ACTUAL PROCESS THAT'S
GOING TO HAPPEN OVER THE NEXT
TWO MONTHS IS SET BY FEDERAL LAW
AND EVEN LAW THAT DESCRIBES THAT
PEOPLE CAN BARELY UNDERSTAND.
THIS SECTION 15 WRITTEN IN 1887
IS CONSTANTLY DEBATED, IT'S
ALMOST UNINTELLIGIBLE TO MY
WORRY IS IF WE GET TO THIS POINT
WHERE WE HAVE THE ELECTORAL
COUNT THAT HAPPENS ON
JANUARY 6TH, THERE'S GOING TO BE
DISPUTES AND IT COULD GO
HAYWIRE.
>> Bill: WHAT IS THE
LIKELIHOOD THAT SOME STATE, AT
LEAST ONE STATE DOES NOT SEND TO
THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE TO
ACTUALLY ELECT THE PRESIDENT,
DOES NOT SEND ELECT DOORS THAT
REPRESENT TO WON THAT STATE, DO
YOU THINK THERE'S A HIGH
POSSIBILITY?
SPEAK I DON'T THINK IT'S A HIGH
PROBABILITY BUT I THOUGHT A LOT
OF THINGS OVER THE LAST FOUR
YEARS AND DIDN'T HAVE A HIGH
PROBABILITY.
>> Bill: THE ONE THING WE KNOW
FOR SURE IS HOWEVER MUCH TRUMP
LOSES BY -- LAST TIME I DID NOT
PREDICT HE WOULD WIN, HE WOULD
LOSE, THIS TIME I'M SAYING HE
WILL LOSE, BUT THAT'S JUST THE
POPULAR VOTE AND PROBABLY THE
ELECTORAL COLLEGE.
WHAT I KNOW WILL NOT HAPPEN IS
THE NEXT DAY DONALD TRUMP SAYING
"I CONGRATULATE JOE BIDEN AND
I'VE INSTRUCTED MY STAFF TO MAKE
A SMOOTH TRANSITION, THE BEST
MAN WON AND THIS IS OUR SYSTEM."
THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.
[APPLAUSE]
HE WILL LOSE BIG AND THEN GO APE
SHIT ABOUT THAT, WHAT WILL APE
SHIT ENTAIL?
>> MY WORRY IS MORE PEOPLE
AROUND HIM OUT OF THE SYSTEM,
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IS YOU
HAVE THE ELECTION ON
NOVEMBER 3RD BUT THEN YOU HAVE
UNTIL DECEMBER 8TH IF THERE'S A
CONTROVERSY IN A STATE OR IF
THERE IS A RECOUNT OR CLAIMS OF
VOTER FRAUD OR WHATEVER IT IS,
THERE IS THIS OPPORTUNITY FOR
STATES TO CHOOSE, TO DECIDE A
DIFFERENT WAY TO APPOINT THE
ELECT DOORS AND AS LONG AS THEY
ACT ON IT, THEY COULD MAKE IT GO
DIFFERENTLY FROM THE POPULAR
VOTE.
WE HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE
STATE LEGISLATURES TO MAKE SURE
THEY FOLLOW THE POPULAR VOTE AND
THEY DON'T HAVE A POPULAR VOTE
THAT'S DIFFERENT.
>> Bill: MAKE A PREDICTION FOR
ME COME I DON'T THINK THE
ELECTION WILL BE DECIDED
NOVEMBER 3RD.
>> I DON'T EITHER.
>> Bill: PREDICT A DATE THAT
YOU THINK SOMEBODY WILL MAKE A
CALL.
>> I'LL SAY AFTER THE SAFE
HARBOR DATE, I'LL SAY DECEMBER
DECEMBER 9TH.
>> Bill: BETWEEN NOVEMBER 3RD
AND DECEMBER 9TH, THEY ARE
RECOUNTING --
>> THEY COULD TO.
>> Bill: IS IT GOING TO
COURT'S?
>> I THINK IN A STATE LIKE TEXAS
OR A STATE LIKE GEORGIA, BECAUSE
THEY DON'T BIND THEIR ELECT
DOORS, ELECTORS, THERE IS A
CHANCE I COULD GO HAYWIRE.
WE WILL KNOW BY DECEMBER 9TH AND
THE ACTUAL VOTE IS ON THE 14TH
AND THE ACTUAL COUNTING OF
ELECTORAL VOTES IS ON
JANUARY 6TH AND MIKE PENCE IS
OVERSEEING THAT.
>> Bill: HE CAN'T DO ANYTHING
ABOUT IT.
>> THE LAW IS A SUPER UNCLEAR
FROM 1887.
IF IT GOT REALLY CLOSE AND IT'S
NOT A BITE AND BLOW OUT, YOU
COULD HAVE SOME COMPLICATIONS
THAT WILL HAPPEN.
I DON'T THINK IT'S GOING TO
HAPPEN BUT I THINK IT'S
IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHERE THE
GUARDRAILS ARE.
>> Bill: SAY THINGS GO BIDEN'S
WAY DECEMBER 9TH AND DECLARES HE
IS THE WINNER BUT TRUMP IS NOT
GOING TO ACCEPT THAT.
>> NO.
>> Bill: WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN
DECEMBER 9TH AND JANUARY 20TH
WHEN HE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE.
I'VE HEARD JOE BIDEN SAY THE
UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT IS
PERFECTLY EQUIPPED TO ESCORT A
TRESPASSER OUT OF THE
WHITE HOUSE.
AT THAT MOMENT, HE IS THE
GOVERNMENT.
HE STILL THE GOVERNMENT AND UNTE
SAYS DIFFERENT.
>> WE NEVER HAD A SITUATION --
WE'VE GOTTEN CLOSE -- WE HAD A
SITUATION IN 1 1876 WERE GOT TWO
DAYS BEFORE INAUGURATION AND
THEY WERE PLANNING PARALLEL
INAUGURATIONS, THEY FINALLY
ENDED UP HAVING THE WINNER
RUTHERFORD B. HAYES WIN BY ONE
ELECTORAL VOTE BUT WE'VE NEVER
HAD A SITUATION WHERE IT'S
GOTTEN TO INAUGURATION DAY AND
THE PERSON REFUSED TO LEAVE.
>> Bill: HOW DO WE FIX THIS IN
THE FUTURE?
A CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT TAKES
TWO-THIRDS --
>> TWO-THIRDS OF THE HOUSE IN
THE SENATE TO PROPOSE IT.
SUPER MAJORITIES IN BOTH.
>> Bill: THAT'S A LOT, 67%
THAT NEVER HAPPENS FOR ANYTHING,
PLUS THREE FOURTHS OF THE
STATES.
>> YOU NEED 38 STATES.
>> Bill: IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE
WE COULD NEVER REALLY HAVE A
CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT AGAIN,
THAT IS NOT REALLY GOING TO
HAPPEN.
>> THERE ARE TWO WAYS TO WORK
AROUND THIS WITH THE ELECTORAL
COLLEGE.
ONE IS CALLED THE NATIONAL
POPULAR VOTE INTERSTATE COMPACT
AND RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE 15 STATES
WHO HAVE SIGNED ON FOR A TOTAL
OF 196 ELECTORS.
THAT'S NOT ENOUGH TO TIP THE
BALANCE FOR THE SELECTION BUT
YOU COULD IN THE FUTURE.
THE OTHER IS YOU COULD HAVE
STATES NOT GIVE WINNER-TAKE-ALL
ELECTORAL VOTES, YOU HAVE STATES
GUARANTEED TO GO BLUE AND PEOPLE
WHO ARE VOTING -- PEOPLE WHO ARE
VOTING REPUBLICAN IN CALIFORNIA,
THERE VOTE FOR PRESIDENT ISN'T
REALLY GOING TO MATTER.
SO YOU COULD SWITCH IT SO EVERY
STATE HAS THE ABILITY TOMORROW
TO CHANGE THEIR LAWS SO IT'S
PROPORTIONAL RATHER THAN
WINNER-TAKE-ALL.
>> Bill: I'LL BE PRAYING WITH
YOU -- JUST KIDDING.
THANKS VERY MUCH, LET'S MEET OUR
PANEL.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
ALL RIGHT, GOOD TO SEE EVERYBODY
COME A DISTANCED.
HE'S THE FORMER WHITE HOUSE
COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR UNDER
PRESIDENT TRUMP AND HOST OF THE
PODCAST "SALT TALKS" ON
SALT.ORG: ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI.
[APPLAUSE]
NOW HE GETS A BIG ROUND OF
APPLAUSE.
SHE'S THE FORMER DEMOCRATIC
SENATOR FROM NORTH DAKOTA AND
PRETTY GOOD.
CO-FOUNDER OF THE ORGANIZATION,
"ONE COUNTRY PROJECT": HEIDI
HEITKAMP.
GREAT TO SEE YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SO MUCH GOING ON, SO MANY OF THE
WEEK OF STORIES A AND I MET THE
END OF MY ROPE, I'M GOING TO
TALK ABOUT WHAT I DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT, NOT THAT I DON'T DO
THAT ANY WEEK ANYWAY.
I WAS WATCHING 60 MINUTES SUNDAY
AND THEY HAD THIS STORY ON THE
FLIGHT FROM HELL -- THE QUESTION
I WANT TO GET TO IS WHY CAN'T
AMERICA AND ITS SHIT TOGETHER
ANYMORE?
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.
IN MARCH, 200 AMERICANS RIGHT
WHEN THE PANDEMIC WAS STARTING
AND WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT IT
FOR MONTHS -- 200 AMERICANS GET
ON A CRUISE SHIP.
SO RIGHT AWAY I MET AMERICANS
ARE MORONS.
SO THEY GET ON THE COAST
ILLUMINE -- THE STATE DEPARTMENT
HAS TO GET THEM OFF THE SHIP, IT
SENDS A CHARTERED PLANE TO GET
THEM BACK TO ATLANTA BECAUSE
THAT'S WHERE THE CDC IS.
IT'S OF COURSE THE FLIGHT FROM,
PEOPLE ARE PASSING OUT IN THE
AISLES, EVERYONE ON THE PLANE --
IT LANDS AND THEY RADIO THE
TOWER AND THEY SAY NOBODY TOLD
US YOU WERE COMING.
AND IT SITS ON THE TARMAC FOR
THREE HOURS, THEN THEY LET THEM
IN, CHECK THEM A LITTLE BIT,
DISPERSE THEM OUT TO THE BUSIEST
AIRPORT IN THE WORLD.
HIT THE FOOD COURT, GET YOUR
CONNECTING FLIGHTS THAT SHE
COULDN'T DESIGN A SYSTEM BETTER
TO SUPER SPREAD THIS DISEASE
INTO AMERICA, WHY ARE WE SUCH A
LOSER COUNTRY NOW?
WHAT IS IT WITH THE PEOPLE OF
THIS COUNTRY, ARE THEY STONED?
ARE THEY STUPID?
ARE THEY DISILLUSIONED, IS IT
ALL THREE?
YOU COULDN'T COMMUNICATE THE
PLANE WAS COMING IN, YOU LET
THEM ALL OUT?
>> I REQUESTED VODKA.
>> Bill: YOU'RE A WALL STREET
SUPERSTAR, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> THERE IS FRAGMENTATION OF
INFORMATION, YOU'VE GOT PEOPLE
POLITICIZING MASKS, THE
PRESIDENT HAS POLITICIZED IT AND
TRIED TO MAKE IT INTO NOT THAT
BIG OF A DEAL.
YOU'VE GOT 42 MAKE 50% OF THE
PEOPLE.
>> Bill: I'M ASKING WHY THE
PEOPLE ON THE GROUND, SOMEONE
HAS TO TELL THEM THE PLANE IS
COMING IN, HOW DID THAT MESSAGE
NOT GET THROUGH?
>> YOU CAN MAKE ALL THOSE
POLITICAL ARGUMENTS, IT'S
FUNDAMENTAL INCOMPETENCE.
NOT ON THE PEOPLE ON THE GROUND,
IT'S FUNDAMENTALLY INCOMPETENT
OF THE STATE DEPARTMENT, WHAT
WITH THE STATE DEPARTMENT DOING?
EVERYONE SHOULD REMEMBER THIS
WHEN POMPEO OFFERS HIMSELF UP TO
AMERICA TO BE THE NEXT
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
HE'S BEEN INCOMPETENT SINCE DAY
ONE TRAM.
THIS WHOLE THING HAS BEEN
MISMANAGED SINCE DAY ONE TREND.
>> Bill: THE PERSONAL BELIEFS
OF THOSE PEOPLE IS TO IGNORE
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> Bill: WHO?
>> THE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER.
>> Bill: WHAT DO YOU MEAN
DISBELIEVE IT?
IT'S NOT UP TO BEING BELIEVED,
THIS IS INFORMATION, THIS PLANE
IS COMING IN WITH THESE SICK
PASSENGERS, BE READY FOR IT,
HANDLE IT LIKE THEY WOULD IN A
NORMAL COUNTRY.
SOMETHING IS WRONG THAT'S BEYOND
TRUMP.
>> SYSTEMIC IMBALANCE.
>> Bill: I WAS IN AFRICA
DURING EBOLA AND THEY TESTED YOU
MORE HEAVILY IN AFRICA WHEN YOU
CAME IN THEIR COUNTRY AND LEFT
THEIR COUNTRY IN THE DEVELOPING
WORLD.
HE HAS NEVER TAKEN THIS
SERIOUSLY AND TO STOP PEOPLE AND
TEST PEOPLE, THAT MEANS YOU'RE
FAILING.
IF IT'S FOR THE PRESIDENT.
>> Bill: HIS FUCK UPS NOT IN
DISPUTE BUT SOMEBODY HAS TO
ANSWER THIS QUESTION ABOUT
AMERICA AT LARGE ALSO, IT WASN'T
UP TO HIM JUST TO BE ON THE
GROUND AND THE CDC, ALL THIS
SHIT, PEOPLE ARE JUST FUCKING
DUMB.
>> HE'S THE BIGGEST DOMINO,
TIPPING AND EVERYTHING ELSE.
>> Bill: YES, BUT IT'S A
DANGER TO BLAME EVERYTHING ON
THAT AND NOT LOOK AT THIS.
>> THERE'S NO QUESTION.
>> Bill: MAYBE THIS WILL
CONVINCE YOU, 25% OF ALL
AMERICANS NOW BELIEVE QANON --
IT WAS ONLY TWO YEARS AGO WHEN I
FIRST MADE FUN OF IT AND WE WERE
LIKE THIS IS HYSTERICAL, I WILL
SAY I AM Q -- I AM.
BECAUSE IT'S SUCH A FRIENDSHIP
THING AND NOW IS NOT A FRINGE
THING.
25%, THERE'S GOING TO BE
CONGRESSPEOPLE WHO ARE QANON --
HERE'S THE QUESTION, 25% OF
AMERICANS AGREE TO, 25% NOT
SURE, MAY BE, DO YOU BELIEVE TOP
DEMOCRATS ARE INVOLVED IN A
DELETE CHILD SEX TRAFFICKING
RINGS.
25% OF AMERICANS, ANOTHER 24%
NOT SURE THAT THAT MIGHT BE
TRUE.
BIDEN HAS TO RUN FOR OFFICE
FACTORING IN THAT A GOOD PART OF
THE POPULACE THINKS HE'S A
PEDOPHILE.
DISCUSS.
>> THE MAIN THING ABOUT THAT IS
THERE'S A LOT OF DISENFRANCHISED
PEOPLE, THEY FEEL THE SYSTEM HAS
NOT WORKED FOR THEM, THEY CAN'T
BLAME THEMSELVES SO THEY BUY
INTO CONSPIRACY THEORY, THEN YOU
HAVE ANOTHER GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO
ARE PRAYING ON THEM AND ONE OF
THEM HAPPENS TO BE THE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES.
HE IS TWEETING THINGS ABOUT
BIN LADEN --
>> Bill: YOU'RE SAYING PEOPLE
THINK THE FIX IS INCOME OF THE
SYSTEM IS RIGGED, WHY DO RICH
PEOPLE GET RICHER, PRINCE ANDREW
IS ON SEX ISLAND .-
>> HE'S RE-TWEETING FALSE
BIN LADEN RAID CONSPIRACIES,
RETWEETING Q ANON AND IT SAYS HE
DENIES IT AND THERE'S A GOOD 25%
OF THE PEOPLE THAT WENT FROM
ECONOMICALLY ASPIRATIONAL AS
BLUE-COLLAR PEOPLE TO
ECONOMICALLY DESPERATION AND
THEY GET IGNITED BY IT.
>> I DISAGREE, I THINK IF YOU
HAD HAD THE INTERNET WHEN I WAS
A KID INSTEAD OF REACHING FOR
"THE ENQUIRER" AND READING ABOUT
ALIENS OR SOME CRAZINESS, MAY BE
ONLY 5% OF THE PEOPLE SAW THAT
STORY, NOW 25% OF THE PEOPLE ARE
SEEING THE STORY.
THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO JUST
DO NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO USE
CRITICAL THINKING AND THAT IS
THE BIGGER PROBLEM IN THIS
COUNTRY.
YOU CAN TALK ABOUT WHETHER THEY
ARE DISENFRANCHISED, BEING POOR
DOES IT MAKE YOU STUPID.
IT DOESN'T GET YOU IN THAT SPOT.
>> Bill: BEING RICH MAKES YOU
STUPID A LOT MORE OFTEN, THAT'S
TRUE.
RICH PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TO THINK,
BECAUSE THEY'RE RICH.
>> TO ME, CRITICAL THINKING IS
WHAT WE HAVE TO FOCUS ON.
>> Bill: YOU'RE ANSWERING MY
FIRST QUESTION NOW ABOUT WHY WE
FUCKED UP SO BAD WITH THE VIRUS
SHIP.
WE DON'T EDUCATE ANY MORE, DON'T
THINK ANYMORE, THIS IS THE
ANSWER.
>> BUT ON THE VIRUS, I WILL
STAND UP FOR THE PEOPLE AT AIR
TRAFFIC CONTROL, IF THEY WERE
NOT TOLD HERE IS YOUR PROTOCOL
WHEN THEY COME ON AND THAT WAS
THE STATE DEPARTMENT'S
RESPONSIBILITY, YOU SAW THOSE
LINEUPS -- REMEMBER WHEN WE
BROUGHT THE PLANES BACK FROM
EUROPE AND THERE WERE PEOPLE
JAMMED WAITING TO GET THROUGH
CUSTOMS AND THEY WEREN'T EVEN
TESTED THEN.
NEVER MIND THAT EXPERIENCE, WE
CONTINUED THAT EXPERIENCE ALL
ALONG, THAT'S HOW WE SPREAD THE
VIRUS IN THIS COUNTRY.
TO SIMPLY SAY WE SHUT DOWN THE
CHINESE -- NO YOU DIDN'T, YOU
BROUGHT PEOPLE IN HERE WHO WERE
CONTAMINATED AND TESTED POSITIVE
BUT NEVER TESTED THEM.
>> Bill: IF A QUARTER OF THE
COUNTRY AND HALF OF TRUMP PEOPLE
THINK THE DEMOCRATS ARE
PEDOPHILES AND SATANISTS AND
ALSO THEY BELIEVE IN LIZARD
PEOPLE.
>> DRINKING BLOOD.
>> Bill: EATING BABIES.
>> JOHN KENNEDY'S STILL ALIVE,
THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS.
>> Bill: RIGHT -- IF BIDEN
WINS, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO
WITH THESE PEOPLE?
AND IF TRUMP WINS, WHAT ARE THEY
GOING TO DO TO US?
BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE IN THE
STORM WHICH IS A MOMENT WHEN
EVERYONE REALIZES ALL THIS STUFF
AND THEY ARREST A HUNDRED
THOUSAND PEOPLE.
>> I'LL DEFINITELY BE IN
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, I'LL ZOOM
INTO THE SHOW.
>> I DON'T THINK THOSE OF THE
DANGEROUS PEOPLE, I KNOW
STUPIDITY --
>> Bill: THAT MANY OF THEM
ISN'T DANGEROUS?
>> THE DANGEROUS PEOPLE OF THE
PEOPLE WHO STOOD IN THE STATE
HOUSE IN MICHIGAN, THE PEOPLE
WHO PLOTTED --
>> Bill: YOU DON'T THINK THESE
ARE THE SAME PEOPLE?
YOU DON'T THINK THOSE ARE Q
PEOPLE?
>> I DON'T, THOSE ARE MILITIA.
>> Bill: THERE IS NO BEEN
DIAGRAM CROSSOVER?
>> YOU'VE GOT TO REMEMBER THAT
THESE GROUPS ARE NOT ALL
MONOLITHIC.
YOU'VE GOT TO LOOK AT WHAT THEIR
BELIEF SYSTEM IS AND THE POOR
BOYS ARE MISOGYNISTIC.
PEOPLE SAY THEY ARE RACIST, NO,
THEY DON'T LIKE WOMEN.
>> WILLING ACCOMPLICES LIKE
McCONNELL AND McCARTHY COME
ON GUYS THAT KNOW BETTER,
COTTON -- ALL THESE GUYS KNOW
BETTER AND THEY SIT THERE AS
WILLING ACCOMPLICES TO ALL OF
THIS NONSENSE, FEEDING IT DAY IN
AND DAY OUT.
THEY ARE THE MOST DANGEROUS
BECAUSE THEY ARE SMARTER AND
THEY ARE USING THAT SYSTEM TO
MANIPULATE PEOPLE.
>> Bill: LISTEN, MASTURBATION
IS IN THE NEWS THIS WEEK, I FEEL
BAD ABOUT CONSTANTLY MAKING FUN
OF JEFFREY TOOBIN BUT WHEN YOU
DO WHAT HE DID, PEOPLE ARE GOING
TO MAKE FUN ESPECIALLY COMEDIANS
COMEDIANS.
THE NAME, TOOBIN, TO ME IT
REALLY LENDS ITSELF.
I THINK IT WILL PROBABLY BE A
WORD IN ITSELF IN THE FUTURE
MEANING TO MASTURBATE DURING A
ZOOM MEETING, AS IN THAT MEETING
WAS SO BORING I WAS TOOBIN THE
WHOLE TIME.
EVERY YEAR THE DICTIONARY PUTS
OUT THE LIST OF NEW WORDS NILA
CANDTHIS YEAR WITH COVID, THERES
GOING TO BE JUST ONES RELATED TO
PANDEMIC LIVING.
LIKE TOOBIN, THE PRACTICE OF
BUMPING ELBOWS INSTEAD OF
SHAKING HANDS IS A FUNNY BONING.
WHAT SHOPPERS EXPERIENCE WHEN
THEY ACTUALLY FIND A CLOROX IS
GOING TO BE A STOREGASM.
SOMEONE DURING COVID TESTING
SAYS LET ME DO IT MYSELF AND GET
THE Q-TIP STUCK IN THE NOSE?
THAT'S A NOSTRIL DUMB-ASS.
GETTING AIRLIFTED TO THE
HOSPITAL FOR TREATMENT
UNAVAILABLE TO THE PUBLIC,
THAT'S CALLED WEATHCARE.
AND WHEN YOU'RE SCARED TO EVEN
THINK ABOUT HOW LONG YOU BEEN
WEARING THE SAME UNDERWEAR,
THOSE ARE FRIGHT WHITEY'S.
TRUMP SHOWED ME AT LEAST HE CAN
MODULATE, HE MUST'VE BEEN VERY
SCARED, HE USUALLY DOESN'T BUT
HE WAS TRYING.
THERE WAS PARTS OF IT THAT LOOKS
ALMOST LIKE A NORMAL DEBATE, I
HAD A GLIMMER OF NOSTALGIA LIKED
WHEN THEY TALKED ABOUT MINIMUM
WAGE.
IT WAS NORMAL, THE REPUBLICAN
SAID THAT RAP THEY'VE ALWAYS
HAD, IT'S GOING TO CAUSE SMALL
BUSINESSES, PEOPLE WILL GET
FIRED IN THE DEMOCRATS AND I WAS
LIKE THIS ISN'T SO NORMAL AND I
WAS READING THIS THING TODAY, IT
SAYS THE REAL UNEMPLOYMENT RATE
IS 26.1.
IT'S LISTED AT 7.9 BECAUSE IF
YOU TAKE EVERYBODY WHO WAS A
PART-TIME JOB AND WAS A
FULL-TIME JOB, EVERYBODY WHO HAS
NO JOB, EVERYONE WHO HAS JUST
GIVEN UP, 26.1 -- THAT'S WHAT IT
WAS IN THE DEPRESSION.
THAT'S THE REAL UNEMPLOYMENT IN
AMERICA, ONE OF THE
REPERCUSSIONS OF THAT?
WHAT'S THE REMEDY FOR THAT?
>> I THINK THE REPERCUSSIONS ARE
ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU'RE GOING TO
SEE A SPIRAL DOWNWARD THAT YOU
WON'T BE ABLE TO CONTAIN WHICH
IS WHY GETTING STIMULUS PACKAGE
IS ACTUALLY ESSENTIAL AS
POSSIBLE.
IF THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN
RECOVER WITHOUT INCREASE IN
FEDERAL INVESTMENTS.
BEYOND THAT, IT HAS SHOWN THE
FAULT LINES IN OUR DEMOCRACY.
THE INEQUALITY, I CAN GIVE YOU A
NUMBER THAT OVERLAYS THAT, THAT
BASICALLY SHOWS THE BOTTOM
QUARTILE ARE GOING TO SPEND THAT
MUCH MORE TIME RECOVERING AND AS
THE RICH PEOPLE -- THE STOCK
MARKET IS FINE FOR THEM, THEY
CAN ZOOM FROM HOME, THEY ARE
DOING OKAY.
THEY ARE GOING TO CONTINUE TO
GET WEALTHIER AND WEALTHIER AND
THOSE POOR FOLKS AT THE BOTTOM
NEVER CATCH UP.
WE NEED SYSTEMIC CAPITALISM
REFORM IN THIS COUNTRY TO STOP
WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: WHAT DO YOU SAY THAT
MR. WALL STREET?
>> THREE THINGS TO THAT.
WALL STREET IS GETTING ITS
BAILOUT, THAT'S THE NARCOTIC OF
FEDERAL RESERVE AND MONETARY
THEORY.
>> Bill: WALL STREET LOVES
THESE COVID BAILOUTS, BECAUSE
THEY GET THE MONEY.
>> THEY GET THE MONEY BUT THE
SECONDARY THING THAT'S HAPPENING
IS YOU DO HAVE A SAFETY NET
TODAY THAT'S DIFFERENT FROM THE
29-33 DEPRESSION.
YOU HAVE WORKERS COMPENSATION,
UNEMPLOYMENT INSURANCE, WE NEED
TO EXPAND THAT SAFETY NET
FRANKLY WHETHER YOU'RE A
CAPITALIST OR SOCIALIST, IT
REALLY DOESN'T MATTER -- WE HAVE
TO HELP THOSE PEOPLE.
IF YOU DON'T DO THAT, YOU'RE
GOING TO BREAK DOWN THE SOCIAL
CONTRACT IN THE SYSTEM AND I
THINK THE SENATOR IS ULTIMATELY
VERY RIGHT ABOUT THIS THAT IT'S
GOING TO TAKE A VERY LONG TIME
FOR PEOPLE TO PULL OUT OF IT,
THINGS LIKE ANDREW YANG'S
UNIVERSAL BASE INCOME, WE HAVE
TO LOOK AT THAT BECAUSE THE
TOP-DOWN STRUCTURE IS NOT
WORKING.
FUNNELING IT THROUGH THE
FEDERAL RESERVE INTO THE STOCK
MARKET, HAVING THE PRESIDENT'S
CHAMPION THAT AS HIS POLL
NUMBERS IS NOT WORKING BECAUSE
YOU HAVE 45% OF THE PEOPLE WHO
ARE DEVASTATED RIGHT NOW.
>> EVERY LOW-WAGE WORKER IN
AMERICA IS A SUBSIDY TO THEIR
EMPLOYER.
WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT WE NEED THIS
PROGRAM ARE THAT PROGRAM --
GUESS WHAT, YOU NEED TO PAY
THESE FOLKS MORE.
YOU NEED TO GIVE THEM REAL
ECONOMIC OPPORTUNITY.
WHEN YOU SAY WE ARE GOING TO DO
THIS AND DO THAT AND PROVIDE
INCOME TAX CREDIT AND UNIVERSAL
INCOME, GUESS WHAT, THAT'S A
SUBSIDY TO PEOPLE WHO ARE HIRING
PEOPLE AT 7:25 AND MAKING
MILLIONS OF DOLLARS THEMSELVES.
>> Bill: HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE?
>> THEY DON'T, THEY LIVE WITH
HOUSING ASSISTANCE, LIVE ON FOOD
STAMPS, LIVE ON MEDICAID AND THE
PRESIDENT IS TRYING TO TAKE THAT
AWAY.
WORKING PEOPLE'S HEALTH
INSURANCE, IT'S AN ATROCITY AND
NO WONDER PEOPLE ARE MAD.
THEY JUST HAVE TO GET TO THE
POLLS AND VOTE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: BUT WILL IT REALLY
CHANGE?
THAT'S THE THING.
HERE'S THE THING COME ON THE
MONEY WE ALREADY SPENT,
2.000000000000 WAS THE FIRST
COVID BELIEF.
THAT'S AN ASTOUNDING NUMBER.
EVEN TARP, WE WERE LIKE --
$780 BILLION AND PEOPLE WERE
LIKE OH, MY GOD, IN ONE SWIFT
STROKE AND WE WENT TO 2.2.
THE NEW DEAL ALL TOLD COST
856 BILLION COME ADJUSTED.
THE MARSHALL PLAN WAS
144 BILLION, WE ARE INTO SOME
CRAZY NUMBERS AND IT DOESN'T GET
TO THE PEOPLE.
THIS IS OUR FUNDAMENTAL
PROBLEM -- GREED AND EVERY SNOUT
IS IN THE TROUGH.
ONLY 20% WENT FOR RELIEF AND
FAMILIES.
IT WENT TO FUCKING WALL STREET,
250 BILLION IN TAX BREAKS FOR
BUSINESSES SOME OF WHICH WERE
MAKING MORE PROFITS DURING THE
PANDEMIC.
>> YOU LEFT OUT BIG TECH BECAUSE
IT'S ALL SLANTING TOWARDS THEM.
>> Bill: THAT TOO.
THE PENTAGON GOT A BILLION TO
PREVENT, PREPARE, RESPOND TO
CORONAVIRUS, THEY SPENT IT ON
SPACE SURVEILLANCE, JET ENGINES,
AND DRESS UNIFORMS.
>> NOT TO SEND YOU OFF THE EDGE
BUT NORTH DAKOTA JUST TOOK THEIR
COVID RELIEF MONEY AND THEY ARE
GIVING IT TO PEOPLE SO THAT THEY
CAN FRACK.
>> Bill: THAT IS FUCKING
RIDICULOUS.
THEY TOOK COVID MONEY AND GAVE
IT TO FRACKING?
>> THEY ARE DOING THAT RIGHT
NOW.
IT'S ME WOULD LISTEN TO THIS
ONE, A GAS STATION IN ARIZONA
RECEIVED $150,000 TO THE
PAYCHECK PROTECTION PROGRAM,
THEY SPENT IT ON TRUMP
BILLBOARDS.
HOW CAN WE GET BEHIND SPENDING
MONEY WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHERE
IT'S GOING WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO
GO.
>> WE COULD DIGITIZE THE MONEY
AND DROP IT ON EVERYONE'S BANK
ACCOUNT WHERE IT'S
ADMINISTRATIVELY CLEAN BUT YOU
HAVE LOBBYISTS AND POLITICIANS
STANDING IN THE WAY, YOU HAVE
VERY FEW POLITICIANS THAT WILL
LOOK INTO A CAMERA AND EXPLAIN
IT DIRECTLY TO THE AMERICAN
PEOPLE.
>> Bill: ROSS PEROT WAS RIGHT
ALL THOSE YEARS AGO, HE HAD THE
RIGHT ISSUES, DEBT AND YOU HAVE
TO KILL K STREET TO.
>> HE HAD THE CRAZY IN THE
BASEMENT?
>> Bill: HE WAS NOT A GREAT
POLITICIAN.
>> IT'S NOT A SWAMP, IT'S A
GOLD PLATED HOT TUB WITHOUT A
TERRAIN.
DRAIN.
>> THAN ALL THE HAND-WRINGING
FROM PEOPLE LIKE LINDSEY GRAHAM,
YOU CAN'T GET THE EXTRA $600 A
WEEK ON UNEMPLOYMENT -- 70% OF
OUR ECONOMY'S CONSUMPTION, IF
YOU DON'T GET THE MONEY IN THE
HANDS OF THE PEOPLE WHO NEED
THINGS, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
RECOVER.
HAND-WRINGING WAS ATROCIOUS,
ABSOLUTELY ATROCIOUS THAT PEOPLE
SO CONCERNED THAT SOMEONE IS
GOING TO GET $600 AND THEN THEY
WOULDN'T WORK FOR MINIMUM WAGE,
THEY WILL GO BACK TO A MINIMUM
WAGE JOB.
PAY THEM MORE, PAY THEM MORE
THAN $600 A MONTH.
>> Bill: WHAT ARE AMERICANS,
ONE OF THE CITIZENS GOING TO DO
IF TRUMP DOESN'T LEAVE OR PUTS
UP A BIG FIGHT?
OR IF HE WINS BY VOTER
SUPPRESSION, THAT'S HOW
DICTATORS AROUND THE WORLD STAY
IN OFFICE -- THEY HAD
COLLECTIONS, THEY JUST RIGGED
THEM.
>> HE IS GOING, THIS GUY IS A
COWARD, HE'S A KEYBOARD WARRIOR
COWARD.
HE'S NEVER HAD A DIRECT
CONFRONTATION WITH ANYBODY IN
HIS LIFE.
EVEN WHEN CHRIS WALLACE WAS
INTERVIEWING HIM IN THE SUMMER,
HE PUT UP THE TWEETS OF CHRIS
WALLACE, HE STARTED KISSING HIS
ASS.
HE IS A KEYBOARD WARRIOR COWARD.
HE'S GOING TO GET ROUTED.
IN THE NEXT 11 DAYS, HE'S GOING
TO GET DESTROYED.
>> Bill: 11 DAYS, THAT'S HOW
LONG YOU HAD THAT JOB.
NOW WE ARE CALLING THAT A SCARE
SCARAMUCCI.
>> TAKE A SCARAMUCCI ON ME, HE'S
GOING, HE'S GOING TO GET ROUTED
TO.
>> Bill: HE'S GOING TO GET
ROUTED, I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S
GOING.
>> HE IS THE MOST HATED
COMMANDER IN CHIEF IN THE MODERN
ERA.
NO RETIRED GENERAL OR ACTIVE
DUTY OFFICER LIKES THIS GUY.
LOOK AT THE ENLISTED, THEY
DISLIKE THEM TOO.
>> Bill: OVER THE YEARS, HE'S
BEEN AWFUL TO SO MANY PEOPLE WHO
SOMEHOW STAYED LOYAL TO HIM,
AMONG THEM YOU.
>> BECAUSE HE WAS IN POWER.
>> I WAS A LIFELONG REPUBLICAN
AND I THOUGHT IT WAS MY DUTY TO
TRY TO STAY.
>> Bill: HE'S THE COMMANDER IN
CHIEF AT THAT MOMENT.
EVEN IF THEY HATE HIM, IF HE'S
LIKE WELL ON YOUR COMMANDER IN
CHIEF AND I SAY I'M STILL THE
PRESIDENT BECAUSE THERE'S
IRREGULARITIES.
>> I'M HERE ON YOUR SHOW TO HELP
THOSE PEOPLE WITH AN OFF RAMP TO
GET TO REALITY AND WHERE
DEMOCRACY NEEDS TO BE AND IT'S
NOT HIM AND HE'S GOT TO GO.
>> Bill: I HOPE SO.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I JUST WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF YOU
THINK AMERICAN CITIZENS ARE
CAPABLE OF A GENERAL STRIKE,
LIKE THEY HAVE IN FRANCE -- TOO
MUCH IN FRANCE, ALWAYS, EVERY
TIME I'VE BEEN IN FRANCE, THEY
ARE ON STRIKE.
I CANNOT GET A BAGUETTE.
THEY ARE EITHER ON VACATION OR
ON STRIKE BUT THE WHOLE COUNTRY
IF THEY DON'T LIKE SOMETHING,
THE WHOLE COUNTRY SAYS WE'RE ALL
STOPPING.
WHAT AMERICA DO THAT?
>> YOU JUST SAID THE COVID
PLANE -- WE DON'T HAVE.
THIS BE WHAT I MEAN STOPPING ON
PURPOSE.
>> WE DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF
COMMUNITY, WE ARE SO DISPARATE I
DON'T KNOW IF YOU COULD UNIFY US
LIKE THAT.
WHERE EVERYBODY JUST UNIVERSALLY
GOES ON STRIKE.
>> Bill: I THINK A GOOD 60% OF
THE COUNTRY WANTS TRUMP TO GO --
WE MIGHT FIND OUT IT'S MORE THAN
THAT, BUT THAT'S A LOT OF PEOPLE
IF THEY GOT IN THE STREETS.
AFTER HE WAS ELECTED WE HAD THE
PUSSY RIOT -- THE PUSSY HATS.
>> Bill: THE WOMEN'S MARCH.
PUSSY RIOT IS THAT BAND IN
RUSSIA, PUSSY HAT -- IT WASN'T A
RIOT, OTHER THAN THAT I'M FINE.
IT LASTED A FEW DAYS.
>> THAT IS NOT FAIR.
>> Bill: I APPLAUD THEM.
>> THEY WENT IN THEY STARTED
ORGANIZING AND LET ME TELL YOU,
IN THE 100TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE
WOMEN'S RIGHT TO VOTE, WOMEN
STARTED THIS MOVEMENT OF THE DAY
AFTER THE INAUGURAL AND THEY'RE
GOING TO END IT ON ELECTION DAY
AND HIS ASS IS GOING OUT.
>> Bill: WILL END ON THAT
POSITIVE NOTE.
HE IS THE
HE'S THE OSCAR AND GOLDEN GLOBE
AWARD WINNING ACTOR WHOSE NEW
BOOK IS CALLED "GREENLIGHTS":
MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
>> Bill: FOR A GUY WHO FOR SO
LONG WAS KNOWN AS A BEACH BUM
WHO DIDN'T OWN A SHIRT, YOU'RE A
VERY DEEP GUY.
YOU REALLY ARE.
WHY DON'T YOU START OFF BY
TELLING PEOPLE WHAT THAT TITLE
MEANS BECAUSE I THINK IT'S SO
IMPORTANT TO THE BOOK.
>> >> I'VE BEEN KEEPING A DIARY
FOR 36 YEARS AND FINALLY READ
THEM TO SEE WHAT THEY WERE AND
WHAT I FOUND WAS STORIES,
PEOPLE, PLACES, AND A WHOLE LOT
OF BUMPER STICKERS.
I LOOKED AT THOSE AND I FOUND
THE CENTRAL THEME OF GREEN LIGHT
SPIRIT OF I'VE CAUGHT TWO GREEN
LIGHTS IN MY LIFE, GREEN LIGHTS
ARE THINGS THAT WE LIKE, THEY
GIVE US FREEDOM, THEY SAY GO A
LOT OF WAYS THEY ARE THROWN IN
MY LAP AND I GOT VERY FORTUNATE
AND DID GOOD THINGS WITH THEM.
I ALSO FOUND THAT A LOT OF THE
YELLOW AND RED LIGHTS IN MY
LIFE, CRISIS, HARDSHIPS, YEARS
ABROAD WHERE I WAS LOST HAD TO
GREEN LIGHT ASSETS IN THEM THAT
REVEALED THEMSELVES LATER IN
LIFE.
WHEN WE REALIZE THERE IS A GREEN
LIGHT ASSET, IT'S SORT OF
RELATIVE.
WE NOTICED IT IN THE MOMENT, WE
NOTICE IT ON HER DEATHBED BUT I
DO BELIEVE THAT EVENTUALLY IN
THE REARVIEW MIRROR OF LIFE, ALL
THE YELLOW AND RED LIGHTS TO
EVENTUALLY TURN GREEN.
>> Bill: YOU GOT THAT DOWN.
SO MUCH OF THE BOOK -- YOUR
MEMBER THAT OLD DOSE ACHE IS
COMMERCIAL WITH THE MOST
INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD WAS
NEXT >> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Bill: SOME OF THE PASSAGES
ARE LIKE COPY FOR THE NEXT MOST
INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD.
HE SMOKED PEYOTE IN MEXICO IN A
CAGE WITH A MOUNTAIN LION, YOU
DID THAT.
YOU WERE BLACKMAILED IN THE
HAVING SEX AT 15.
HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN, I
WOULD'VE BEEN THE BLACKMAILER AT
15.
>> I DIDN'T GIVE A WHOLE LOT OF
DETAILS ON THAT, I WAS RAISED
THINKING I WASN'T GOING TO LOSE
MY VIRGINITY UNTIL I WAS MARRIED
AND AT LEAST IF I DID IT WAS
SOMEONE I WOULD HAVE A REALLY
GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH.
NEITHER OF THOSE HAPPENED.
THIS GIRL WASN'T MUCH OLDER AND
AS I WRITE IN THE BOOK, I SAID I
WAS VERY SURE THE TIME I WAS
GOING TO HELL FOR THE ACT AND
NOW I MERELY HOPE THAT IS NOT
THE CASE.
>> Bill: YOU ARE A PHILOSOPHER
PHILOSOPHER, THAT'S THE
INTERESTING PART AND YOU DID
SOMETHING IN YOUR CAREER WHICH
IS VERY RARE, YOU CHANGE THE
PERCEPTION OF YOURSELF.
THAT'S THE HARDEST THING TO DO
IN SHOW BUSINESS, WHEN YOU GET A
LABEL ON YOU, IT STICKS AND YOU
MANAGED TO FIND A WAY TO NOT BE
THE BEACH BUM WITH THE SHIRT
OFF, TO BE THIS GUY.
YOU WANT TO TELL THE KIDS HOW TO
DO THAT?
>> WHAT HAPPENED WAS I WAS A ROM
CALM GUY, I WAS THE SHIRTLESS
GUY IN THE, THAT WAS FINE, I
SAID AT THEM, I WILL SAY IT NOW.
THOSE ROM COMES I WAS DOING WERE
PAYING THE RENT FOR THE HOUSES
ON THE BEACH WHERE I WAS
SHIRTLESS.
I DID NOTICE THAT THAT'S ALL
THAT I WAS IN THE PUBLIC EYE,
THAT'S ALL I WAS TO STUDIO
FINANCIALS IN HOLLYWOOD, OTHER
ROLES I WANTED TO DO, THEY WERE
NOT BEING OFFERED, THEY WERE NOT
AN OPTION.
AT A TIME WHERE I SAID I CAN'T
DO WHAT I WANT TO DO, IT WAS A
SCARY PROPOSITION.
I CHECKED WITH MY WIFE AND MY
MONEY MANAGER AND SAID I'M GOING
TO STOP DOING ROM COMES -- GUESS
WHAT?
OKAY, THAT'S ALL THAT CAME IN
FOR SIX MONTHS.
I HAD A $14.5 MILLION OFFER FOR
ONE AND THAT WAS HARDER TO SAY
NO TO -- REALLY, YOU'RE GOING TO
SAY NO TO THIS?
I FINALLY DID AND FOR 14 MONTHS
AFTER THAT NOTHING CAME IN.
THE AGENT SAYS NO ONE HAS
MENTIONED YOUR NAME.
A 20 MONTH SABBATICAL FROM
HOLLYWOOD, BEING GONE, NOT
SEEING ME SHIRTLESS ON THE
BEACH, NOT SEEING ME IN THE
LIVING ROOM OR THE THEATER AND A
ROM CALM, I BECAME A GOOD IDEA.
GUESS WHO'S A GOOD IDEA FOR
LILINCOLN LAWYER, DALLAS BUYERS
CLUB, MAGIC MIKE.
>> Bill: THAT ONE YOU TURNED
DOWN FOR 14.5, WHAT WAS IT AND
WHO DID IT?
>> I'M NOT TELLING, IT DIDN'T
GET MADE.
>> Bill: THE OTHER REASON I
THINK YOU WERE ABLE TO DO IT IS
YOU HAVE AN INNATE LIKABILITY,
WHICH IS RARE BUT IT USUALLY
CARRIES THE DAY.
HE TALKED ABOUT YOUR BIG BREAK
THROUGH A TIME TO KILL, THE
OTHER GUY WHO WAS UP FOR IT WAS
THE OTHER ACTOR IN YOUR
GENERATION WHO IS THE ONLY ONE,
THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS THE SAME
AMOUNT OF LIKABILITY.
>> MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER
MOTHER?
>> Bill: EUROPE BOTH SONS OF
TEXAS, YOU HAVE THIS WEIRD
FAMILY HISTORY WHICH I'LL GET
INTO IT FOR A MINUTE, YOU SURE
YOU'RE NOT HE'S REAL BROTHER.
>> MY MOM HAS A STORY THAT MAKES
US THINK WE MIGHT BE RELATED.
IF >> Bill: MUST LEAVE THAT
OUT THERE.
YOU WERE BORN TO PARENTS WHO
WERE EACH ON THEIR THIRD
MARRIAGE TO EACH OTHER.
I'VE HEARD OF PEOPLE GETTING
MARRIED TWICE IN FACT I GOOGLED
IT.
LOTS OF REALLY PROMINENT,
INTERESTING, GOOD PEOPLE,
LARRY KING, ELIZABETH TAYLOR,
RICHARD BURTON, EMINEM DID IT,
RICHARD PRYOR DID IT, DON
JOHNSON AND MELANIE GRIFFITH DID
IT.
JUDGE FUCKING JUDY DID IT, SHE
OVERRULED HERSELF.
SPEAK OUT TWICE.
>> Bill: YOUR PARENTS DID IT
THREE TIMES.
HOW DO YOU THINK THAT EFFECTIVE
YOU?
>> GREAT QUESTION.
LET ME THROW THIS AT YOU,
CAMILLA WHO I'M NOW MARRIED TO,
HER PARENTS DID THE INVERSE OF
WHAT MINE DID.
THEY WERE MARRIED TWICE AND
DIVORCED THREE TIMES, THEY ENDED
UP DIVORCED.
WE CAME INTO THIS GOING THIS
WHOLE MARRIAGE THING, THEY ARE
REALLY GOOD LESSONS OF CAN'T
LIVE WITH YOU, CAN'T LIVE
WITHOUT YOU.
MY PARENTS LIKED THEIR
RELATIONSHIP BEING A TITLE WAVE
IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN.
I DIDN'T WANT TO GO MARRY
SOMEONE WHO IS THAT MUCH LIKE MY
MOTHER WHO NEEDED THAT MUCH
RESISTANCE CONTINUALLY TO GET
ALONG.
I WANT TO KEEP THE PASSION BUT I
LIKE A MORE SLOW-MOVING RIVER
WITH SOME RAPIDS ALONG THE WAY.
IT DIDN'T SCARE US AWAY FROM
MARRIAGE BUT IT MADE US TAKE OUR
TIME, A LITTLE EXTRA TIME BEFORE
WE DECIDED THIS IS WHAT WE WANT
TO DO, WE WANT TO CHOOSE EACH
OTHER AND SPEND OUR LIVES
TOGETHER.
>> Bill: IT'S INTERESTING
READING ABOUT YOUR FAMILY
VIOLENCE, THAT'S A BIG THEME IN
YOUR BOOK.
VIOLENCE FOLLOWED BY LOVE.
YOU TALK ABOUT -- YOU LOVE YOUR
FATHER VERY MUCH BUT HE WHIPPED
YOUR ASS AND YOU DESCRIBE A
FIGHT IN THE KITCHEN BETWEEN
YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER LIKE
A BAR FIGHT WITH A KNIFE AND A
BROKEN BOTTLE AND THEY WIND UP
FUCKING ON THE FLOOR.
YOU TALK ABOUT DEFENDING YOUR
FATHER AT A BAR AND HE LOVED YOU
FOR IT BECAUSE YOU GOT THE SHIT
BEAT OUT OF YOU, AND THEN YOU
HAVE THESE DREAMS, RECURRING
DREAMS WHERE YOU'RE SURROUNDED
BY THE MOST VIOLENT CREATURES IN
NATURE, THE SHARK, THE PYTHON,
THE CROCODILE AND THEN YOU
COME -- IT'S A WET DREAM.
>> NOT A NIGHTMARE, LOOK AT WHAT
THE OUTCOME OF EACH ONE OF THOSE
WAS.
THE END UP WITH LOVE WINNING.
MY MOM AND DAD GET IN A FIGHT,
THEY END UP MAKING LOVE ON THE
FLOOR.
THEY GET DIVORCED TWICE, THE END
OF BEING MARRIED.
I HAVE DREAMS THAT HAVE THE
ELEMENTS OF ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARES
BY ANY PRACTICAL LOOK AT IT IN
THE END UP BEING A WET DREAM.
THE LOVE IN OUR FAMILY AND THE
VIOLENCE IN OUR FAMILY, MUCH
MORE COMPASSION AND GOOD TIMES
AND HUGGING -- I TELL THE
STORIES ABOUT OUR FAMILY THAT
HAVE TO DO WITH CONSEQUENCES AND
HAVE SOME VIOLENCE IN THEM
BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE TIME THAT
THE LOVE WHERE WE HAD WAS TESTED
THE MOST AND WAS NEVER GOING TO
GET BEAT.
I THINK THAT'S WHY I ADORE THESE
STORIES AND TELL THEM AS LOVE
STORIES SO MUCH BECAUSE THEY ARE
TIMES WHEN THAT LOVE GOT TESTED
BUT THE LOVE WAS NEVER GOING TO
BE IN QUESTION, THE LOVE WAS
NEVER GOING TO LOSE THE FIGHT
AND IT NEVER DID.
>> Bill: I'M LOOKING FORWARD
TO YOUR THIRD ACT WHENEVER
THAT'S GOING TO START BECAUSE I
KNOW YOU'RE A SEEKER AND IT WILL
BE SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS, KEEP
AUSTIN WEIRD.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill:
NOW IT'S TIME FOR NEW RULES!
NEW RULE: IF YOU BUY THIS
"SILICONE FACE SLIMMER,"
DESIGNED TO STRETCH THE MOUTH
MUSCLES, THEREBY SLIMMING YOUR
FACE, YOU CAN'T BE SURPRISED
WHEN YOUR HUSBAND LEAVES YOU FOR
A BLOW-UP DOLL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SOPHISTICATED HUMOR WE DO.
NEW RULE: NEVER BUY ANYTHING
FROM AN AD WHERE A KID AT
BREAKFAST SAYS "DAD, YOU ROCK."
IF DAD ACTUALLY "ROCKED" HE'D BE
ON TOUR, DOING BLOW AND TRASHING
HOTEL ROOMS.
HERE'S HOW YOU KNOW HE DOESN'T
"ROCK."
IT'S 6 AM AND HE'S COOKING FOR
YOU.
NEW RULE: THE MEDIA MUST STOP
TRYING TO SCARE US WITH BULLSHIT
HORROR STORIES ABOUT MARIJUANA.
LIKE THIS ONE: "MAN DIES AFTER
POT PLANT LIQUEFIES HIS BRAIN."
NICE TRY, BUT WHERE I COME FROM,
"IT'LL LIQUEFY YOUR BRAIN", IS A
SELLING POINT.
P.S. THAT'S NOT EVEN A POT
PLANT, DOUCHEBAGS.
[LAUGHTER]
NEW RULE: THE ZOOM APP HAS TO
THIS POOR GUY, WE HIT UP IN THE
BEGINNING, WE HIT UP IN THE
MIDDLE AND WILL HIT THEM AT THE
END.
THE ZOOM APP HAS TO CHANGE ITS
NAME TO WE CAN SEE YOUR PENIS.
I REALIZE THAT'S A MOUTHFUL, BUT
APPARENTLY SOME PEOPLE NEED
REMINDING THAT IF THERE'S ONE
THING NOBODY LIKES SEEING ON
THEIR COMPUTER, IT'S UNWANTED
POP-UPS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: SOMEONE MUST TELL
HARMONICA PLAYERS THAT THE
REASON THEY ALWAYS HAVE THE
BLUES - IS BECAUSE NOBODY WANTS
TO WATCH SOMEONE PLAY THE
HARMONICA.
BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE
AUTO-TUNING AN ASTHMA ATTACK.
[LAUGHTER]
AND FINALLY, NEW RULE.
AN ELECTION IS MEANT TO
ELIMINATE CANDIDATES, NOT
VOTERS.
LAST WEEK IN GEORGIA, EARLY
VOTING IN THE WEALTHIER WHITE
NEIGHBORHOODS OF ATLANTA TOOK
JUST FIFTEEN MINUTES, BARELY
ENOUGH TIME FOR THE POODLE IN
THE CAR TO GET HOT.
BUT VOTERS IN SOME BLACK AREAS
STOOD IN LINE FOR UP TO EIGHT
HOURS.
IN TEXAS, THE GOVERNOR DECREED
THAT THERE BE ONLY ONE BALLOT
DROP BOX PER COUNTY.
WHICH IS FINE FOR LOVING COUNTY,
POPULATION 169 - BUT HARRIS
COUNTY, WHICH INCLUDES THE CITY
OF HOUSTON AND HAS 2.4 MILLION
ELIGIBLE VOTERS SPREAD ACROSS AN
AREA LARGER THAN RHODE ISLAND.
ALSO GOT ONE BOX.
IN SOME STATES, YOU HAVE TO PUT
YOUR MAIL-IN BALLOT INSIDE AN
ENVELOPE, AND THEN PUT THAT
ENVELOPE INTO A SECOND ENVELOPE,
AND THEN SIGN THE ENVELOPE.
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE DOING A MAGIC
TRICK.
FOR PEOPLE WHO SAY BOTH PARTIES
ARE BASICALLY THE SAME, VOTER
SUPPRESSION IS THE STARKEST
EXAMPLE OF HOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.
THIS IS 100% A REPUBLICAN THING.
[APPLAUSE]
THEY KNOW THEIR POLICIES AREN'T
AS POPULAR, SO THEY CAME UP WITH
AN EFFECTIVE, TIME-TESTED
POLITICAL TACTIC CALLED
"CHEATING."
[LAUGHTER]
I CAN'T MAKE YOU WANT TO VOTE
FOR ME, BUT MAYBE I CAN KEEP YOU
FROM VOTING FOR THE OTHER GUY.
THAT'S THEIR CREDO: "MAY THE
BEST MAN LOSE ANYWAY."
THE OTHER NIGHT I WAS WATCHING
ONE OF THOSE OBSTACLE COURSE
SHOWS - YOU KNOW, THE ONES WHERE
A CONTESTANT HAS TO GET ACROSS A
TERRAIN OF GIANT BOUNCY BALLS
AND SLIPPERY BALANCE BEAMS, AND
SWING ON ROPES LIKE TARZAN - AND
IT OCCURRED TO ME WHILE WATCHING
RICARDO LOSE HIS GRIP ON A FOAM
ROLLER, THAT THIS IS EXACTLY
WHAT OUR VOTING SYSTEM HAS
TURNED INTO: IT'S AMERICAN NINJA
WARRIOR: DEMOCRACY EDITION.
[APPLAUSE]
TRY TO MOVE FORWARD WITHOUT
GETTING KNOCKED OFF THE VOTER
ROLLS!
MATCH YOUR WITS AND PHYSICAL
PROWESS IN OUR MOST CHALLENGING
STEEPLECHASES LIKE: THE
ELIMINATOR WHERE YOU SHOW UP TO
VOTE, ONLY TO FIND YOUR POLLING
PLACE HAS BEEN CLOSED.
SPLISH SPLASH, YOU'RE TAKIN' A
BATH.
THE EXCRUCIATOR.
WHERE YOU FINALLY FIND YOUR
POLLING PLACE BUT THE LINE IS
HOURS LONG BECAUSE THEY'VE SHUT
DOWN ALL THE OTHER POLLING
PLACES AND YOUR PRECINCT HAS
BEEN GIVEN THE OLD, BROKEN
VOTING MACHINES.
KER-PLUNK!
>> OHNO!
>> Bill:
THE MIS-IDENTIFIER WHERE YOU
FINALLY GET TO THE FRONT OF THAT
LINE THAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING IN
FOR HOURS AND THEY TELL YOU THAT
YOU HAVE THE WRONG ID.
HOPE YOU CAN SWIM!
THE MONKEYWRENCH.
WHERE YOU SAY "OKAY FINE, I'LL
MAIL IN MY BALLOT," ONLY TO FIND
THEY REMOVED THE ONLY MAILBOX IN
THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
OH NO!
AND FINALLY, BRAND NEW THIS
YEAR, TRY TO STAY DRY WHEN GOING
UP AGAINST THE OBSTRUCTOR.
WHERE YOU SAY, "FUCK IT, I'LL
JUST DROP OFF MY MAIL-IN BALLOT
AT A DESIGNATED DROP-OFF BOX,"
ONLY TO FIND THERE'S ONLY ONE
FOR 2.4 MILLION PEOPLE!
WAH WAH.
IT'S AMAZING HOW BRAZEN
REPUBLICANS HAVE BECOME IN
OWNING VOTER SUPPRESSION.
BACK IN MARCH WHEN DEMOCRATS
WERE PUSHING FOR VOTE-BY MAIL,
SAME-DAY REGISTRATION AND EARLY
VOTING TRUMP - BECAUSE HE'S A
POKER PLAYER WHO ALWAYS TELLS
YOU HIS HAND - SAID THIS WOULD
RESULT IN "LEVELS OF VOTING THAT
IF YOU'D EVER AGREED TO IT,
YOU'D NEVER HAVE A REPUBLICAN
ELECTED IN THIS COUNTRY AGAIN."
NOT QUITE, BUT YES, MORE PEOPLE
VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS.
A PROCESS KNOWN AS "COUNTING."
[LAUGHTER]
DAVID LEWIS IS A STATE REP FROM
NORTH CAROLINA, HE WAS TASKED
WITH REDISTRICTING
AND HE GAVE ONE OF THE MOST
HONEST RATIONALES FOR PARTISAN
GERRYMANDERING YOU'LL EVER HEAR.
HE SAID "I THINK ELECTING
REPUBLICANS IS BETTER THAN
ELECTING DEMOCRATS.
SO I DREW THIS MAP IN A WAY TO
HELP."
IT MUST HAVE BEEN SUCH A RELIEF
FOR THESE CHEATERS TO STOP
PRETENDING THERE WAS A GOOD
REASON FOR THEIR CHEATING AND
JUST SAY IT.
LIKE WHEN MOM FINALLY ADMITS THE
HITACHI MAGIC WAND ISN'T FOR HER
BACK.
WELL HERE'S MY MESSAGE TO THE
CHEATERS: I'VE ALWAYS PREACHED
ON THIS SHOW THAT YOU CAN HATE
TRUMP, BUT YOU CAN'T HATE HIS
SUPPORTERS.
I MEANT IT THEN, AND I MEAN IT
NOW.
BUT THAT GOES OUT THE WINDOW IF
YOU STEAL FROM ME.
MY VOTE IS A THING OF VALUE -
YOU STEAL IT?
I DO HATE YOU, BECAUSE THAT'S
NOT "WE SEE THE WORLD
[APPLAUSE]
DIFFERENTLY, AND OUR POLITICS
ARE DIFFERENT," THAT'S "YOU'RE A
CROOK, A THIEF AND A SCHMUCK."
ELECTIONS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE
FREE AND FAIR, NOT WET AND WILD.
AND IF YOU WAIT EIGHT HOURS TO
VOTE, WHEN YOU GET OUT OF THE
BOOTH YOU DESERVE TO DO THIS:
OKAY, THAT'S OUR SHOW.
I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS
ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI, HEIDI
HEITKAMP, MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY
AND BEN SHEEHAN.
WE'LL BE BACK NEXT WEEK.
GOODNIGHT!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ("WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE" BY GIOACHINO ROSSINI PLAYS) ♪
The 2000 election was a street brawl
for the presidency of the United States.
What happened in Miami changed this country, forever.
While Democrats wanted to do the right thing,
Republicans wanted to win.
MAN: The election was lost in many different places.
But it was stolen in Miami.