>> START THE CLOCK.
♪ ♪
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
SIT DOWN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WHAT A CROWD.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I APPRECIATE YOU -- THANK YOU.
LOVE YOU TOO.
APPRECIATE YOU PUTTING ON THE
SPRAY FACE, BECAUSE THAT'S A
TOUGH DAY.
JOHN HICKENLOOPER --
[LAUGHTER]
HAS DROPPED OUT OF THE
PRESIDENTIAL RACE.
IT WAS A HUGE BLOW TO HIS
SUPPORTER.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT HE SAID HE JUST WANTS TO GO
BACK TO WHAT HE DOES BEST,
LOOPING HICKENS.
[APPLAUSE]
TRUMP HAS BEEN TWEETING ABOUT ME
AND TALKING ABOUT ME AT HIS
RALLIES, SO MY ANXIETY LEVEL IS
VERY HIGH.
I'M HOPING HE WILL GET
DISTRACTED BY HIS NEW PLAN, I'M
NOT MAKING THIS UP, HE WANTS TO
BUY GREENLAND.
AND RENAME IT NEW IVANKA.
REALLY.
HE WANTS TO BUY GREENLAND.
OH, HE HAD TWO NUERNBERG RALLIES
THIS WEEK.
THE HIGHLIGHT FOR ME IS THE ONE
LAST NIGHT, HE TOLD A
PRO-CHESTER, YOU HAVE A WEIGHT
PROBLEM.
THAT'S LIKE MOCKING VIRGINS AT
COMIC-CON.
HE POINTED TO A GUY, AND HE
SAID, THAT GUY HAS A SERIOUS
WEIGHT PROBLEM, GO HOME AND
START EXERCISING.
ALSO, PAY YOUR TAXES, READ A
BOOK, AND STAY MARRIED.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BUT HE BROKE ANOTHER NORM THIS
WEEK WHEN HE PRESSURED ANOTHER
COUNTRY, ISRAEL, TO NOT LET IN
TWO CONGRESSPEOPLE -- THIS NEVER
HAPPENED BEFORE.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW THE
STORY, BUT CONGRESSWOMAN RASHIDA
TLAIB FROM DETROIT, I BELIEVE,
WANTED TO GO TO THE WEST BANK,
WHERE HER GRANDMOTHER LIVES, AND
TRUMP TOLD ISRAEL THEY SHOULDN'T
LET HER IN, AND ISRAEL -- AT
THEIR FINEST MOMENT -- THAT SHE
COULDN'T COME IN PIT THAN THEY
GOT BLOWBACK, SO THEY SAID SHE
COULD COME.
AND THEN SHE GOT BLOWBACK
BECAUSE SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING
TO GO, SO SHE'S NOT GOING TO GO.
IT'S SO CONFUSING, THE RACISTS
AT HIS RALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO
CHANT.
[APPLAUSE]
"SEND HER BACK."
"DON'T SEND HER BACK?"
I'M SORRY -- LOCK HER UP?
AND TRUMP NEVER INFORMED,
REALLY, ABOUT ANY FOREIGN
COUNTRY, DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT
ISRAEL APPEARED WHEN HE WENT TO
THE WAILING WALL, HE BROUGHT A
HARPOON.
HE'S NOT WELL-INFORMED.
AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND TRUMP'S
FOLLOWERS ON THIS KIND OF STUFF,
BECAUSE THEY HATE FOREIGNERS,
THEY HATE ON THEIR RELIGIONS,
AND THEY HATE PEOPLE WHO THINK
THEY ARE SO SMART, BUT THEY LOVE
THE JEWS.
I GUESS YOU'LL THINK ABOUT THAT
ONE ON THE WAY HOME.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT TRUMP, THE FINANCIAL GENIUS,
IS DRIVING THE ECONOMY OVER A
CLIFF.
HAVE YOU SEEN THAT?
FOR YEARS, EVERY ONE OF THE
WORLD ECONOMIES HAS BEEN DOING
FUCKING GREAT, GROWING!
NOBODY, THEY SAID, COULD SCREWED
UP.
[LAUGHS]
ENTER TRUMP SAYING "HOLD MY
BEER."
[APPLAUSE]
'S NEW SLOGAN IS "MAKE AMERICA
ATLANTIC CITY AGAIN."
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, DID YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED
IN THE STOCK MARKET THIS WEEK?
I SPENT MORE TIME GASPING FOR
BREATH THAN JEFFREY EPSTEIN.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
OOHING INTO APPLAUSE, DON'T
HEAR THAT A LOT.
JEFFREY EPSTEIN WAS FOUND DEAD
IN HIS JAIL CELL, THEY SAY
AMERICA CAN'T DO ANYTHING MORE.
ATTORNEY GENERAL WILLIAM BARR
HAS CALLED FOR A THOROUGH
INVESTIGATION WHICH HE HAS
ALREADY WRITTEN A SUMMARY FOR.
I DON'T GET THAT.
[APPLAUSE]
AND, OF COURSE, THE CONSPIRACY
THEORIES ARE ABOUNDING ALREADY,
BECAUSE THIS JEFFREY EPSTEIN GUY
KNEW EVERYBODY.
CLINTON, TRUMP, PRINCE ANDREW,
ALAN DERSHOWITZ, IT WAS A
WHO'S WHO OF EW, EW.
THIS EPSTEIN GUY WAS A WEIRDO.
BESIDE THE PEDOPHILIA, BESIDES
THE SEX ISLAND, BESIDES THE
PLAIN, THOUGH LEWDLY TO
EXPRESS, THEY CALLED IT, HE HAD
A RANCH IN NEW MEXICO -- DID YOU
HERE THIS?
WHERE HE WAS GATHERING
SCIENTISTS AND NUBILE YOUNG
WOMEN AT A PLAN TO REPOPULATE
THE EARTH FROM HIS SPOHN.
[AUDIENCE REACTS]
AND ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER SAID
OR YOU COULD JUST HOP ON THE
MAID.
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
OF COURSE, TRUMP, THE CONSPIRACY
THEORIST, RE-TWEETING THAT THE
CLINTONS KILLED JEFFREY EPSTEIN.
I MEAN COME OF ALL OF THE RIGHT
WING CONSPIRACY THEORIES THAT
HAVE BEEN GOING AROUND, THIS
IS THE STUPIDEST, THE IDEA THAT
THE CLINTONS GO AROUND KILLING
THEIR ENEMIES.
FIRST OF ALL, IT MAKES THEM LOOK
COOL.
[LAUGHTER]
NOBODY EVER ACCUSED MITT ROMNEY
OF MURDERING HIS WAY TO THE TOP.
AND, FINALLY, CONGRESSMAN STEVE
KING -- NOT STEPHEN KING THE
AUTHOR, HE'S THE SECOND SCARIEST
STEVE KING
.
THIS GUY OUTDOES HIMSELF.
HE SAID HUMANITY, THIS WEEK,
THIS WAS HIS QUOTE -- NOT A
QUOTE COME I'M PARAPHRASING.
VANITY MIGHT NOT EXIST IF NOT
FOR RAPE AND INCEST THROUGHOUT
HUMAN HISTORY.
AND THEN HIS SISTER BOLTED OUT
OF THE ROOM.
[LAUGHTER]
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW.
BETSY WOODRUFF, CARL HULSE,
AND RICK WILSON ARE HERE.
AND A LITTLE LATER, WE'LL BE
SPEAKING WITH OUR FRIEND FROM
RUN THE JEWELS, KILLER MIKE.
[APPLAUSE]
BUT FIRST UP, HE'S THE
DEMOCRATIC SENATOR FROM
RHODE ISLAND AND
AUTHOR OF "CAPTURED: THE
CORPORATE INFILTRATION OF
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY," NOW OUT IN
PAPERBACK, SHELDON WHITEHOUSE.
[APPLAUSE]
SENATOR, HOW ARE YOU?
>> ALL RIGHT, MOST GOOD TO BE
HERE.
>> Bill: WHY AREN'T YOU
RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
SPEAK OF THE SLOGAN IS SO EASY.
>> Bill: WHITE HOUSE, RIGHT.
>> PUT ONE IN THERE.
>> Bill: THEY SAY EVERY
SENATOR LOOKS IN THE MIRROR AND
SEES A PRESIDENT.
>> WE ARE NOT SUFFERING FROM A
SHORTAGE OF CANDIDATES.
>> Bill: I WANT TO GET INTO
THAT.
YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO I THINK IS
GOOD BECAUSE YOU DO CRITICIZE
YOUR OWN PARTY, AND THAT
I THIY
NEED A LOT OF RACISM HERE THE
2009 BIPARTISAN COME I THINK IT
WAS, CLIMATE BILL.
DO YOU THINK THE EMMA KRATZ
COULD HAVE GOTTEN MUCH DONE?
>> YEAH.
>> Bill: SO WHAT HAPPENED?
>> IT WAS THROUGH THE HOUSE,
GOD BLESS NANCY PELOSI FOR
GETTING IT DONE.
IT COST A FEW DEMOCRATIC MEMBERS
OF CONGRESS THEIR JOB TO DO IT,
BUT THEY DID.
IT CAME OVER TO THE SENATE, AND
WE NEVER TOOK UP ANYTHING.
>> Bill: WHY?
>> YOU CAN DO JUST PRACTICALLY
AN EMPTY BILL TO GET IT INTO
CONFERENCE, THEN WORK ON
SOMETHING.
I THINK THERE WAS CONFLICT
FATIGUE AT THE WHITE HOUSE --
>> Bill: FROM OBAMACARE,
FIGHTING MAD?
>> YEP, AND THEY WANT TO HAVE
ANOTHER FIGHT.
A SENIOR PERSON IN THE
WHITE HOUSE SAID, SHELDON, WE
DON'T WANT TO TAKE IN ANY FIGHTS
WERE NOT SURE WE CAN WIN.
>> Bill: REALLY?
AND YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S THE
RIGHT PHILOSOPHY?
>> NO, I KIND OF DON'T.
THAT LEAVES MOST OF THE GOOD
FIGHT OFF THE TABLE.
>> Bill: AND WHAT ABOUT NOW?
BECAUSE THE NEWS ABOUT CLIMATE
IS JUST HORRIBLE.
>> NOW, I THINK WE HAVE A REAL
OPPORTUNITY, BUT YOU'VE GOT TO
THINK ABOUT IT IN TERMS OF A
JAILBREAK.
YOU'VE GOT 10 A 12 REPUBLICAN
SENATORS WHO WANT OUT, WHO WANT
TO DO A CLIMATE BILL.
AND ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE
WIRE, YOU'VE GOT A GETAWAY CAR
THAT MOST PEOPLE ACCEPT, WHICH
IS A BIG PRICE ON CARBON THAT IS
REVENUE NEUTRAL AND BORDER
ADJUSTABLE, BETWEEN THEM, THAT
IS BARBED WIRE, GUN TOWERS,
SEARCH LIGHTS, ATTACK DOGS, ALL
MAINTAINED BY THE FOSSIL FUEL
INDUSTRY.
>> Bill: LITERALLY?
>> LITERALLY.
>> Bill: LITERALLY ATTACK DOGS
DOGS?
>> LITERALLY BE FOSSIL FUEL
INDUSTRY.
>> Bill: THAT'S WHAT I WAS
ASKING, GOOD TO KNOW.
>> THERE IS A LOT OF FEAR ABOUT
WHO MIGHT BE THEY WANT TO TAKE
THE RUN FOR THE WIRE AND GET
WIPED OUT.
BOB INGLIS AND CONGRESS WAS
LEGENDARILY WIPED OUT BY THEM.
SO THE TRICK IS, HOW DO YOU FIND
A WAY FOR THESE 10 ARE 12
REPUBLICAN SENATORS TO GET
THERE, AND THAT MEANS KNOCKING
BACK THE CROOKED, ROUGH EFFORT
THE FOSSIL FUEL INDUSTRY
CONTINUES TO DO.
BY THE WAY, IF YOU HAVE HEARD OF
THE BIG OIL CEOs SAY THEY
SUPPORT A PRICE ON CONGRESS,
THEY ARE NOT TELLING THE TRUTH.
THEIR WHOLE APPARATUS IS STILL
DEDICATED TO STOPPING MATT.
AND IF YOU LOOK AT THE REST OF
CORPORATE AMERICA, THEY ARE
DOING ESPECIALLY NOTHING TO PUSH
BACK ON WITH THE
FOSSIL FUEL GUYS HAVE DONE, ANDY
CASES, THEIR TRADE ASSOCIATIONS
ARE ACTUALLY OUR ENEMIES.
TO HAVE GOOD COMPANIES WITH GOOD
CLIMATE POLICY, NIFTY WEBSITES,
WHO SEND TRADE ASSOCIATIONS TO
WASHINGTON THAT SAY NO, NOTHING
ON CLIMATE CHANGE.
>> Bill: AND A LOT OF THIS IS
BECAUSE OF THE DARK MONEY IN
POLITICS?
>> YOU TURN ON THE LIGHT IN THE
KITCHEN ON THE COCKROACHES AND
SCUTTLE.
YOU PUT THE LIGHT ON WHO IS
PUTTING THE MONEY IN THESE
THINGS, AND A LOT OF COMPANIES
AND BIG DONORS BEHIND THIS, THEY
DON'T WANT TO BE SEEN.
THEY ARE GOING TO HIDE, SCUTTLE
FOR THE EXITS.
>> Bill: THE HEAT WAVE THEY
HAD IN EUROPE A FEW WEEKS AGO,
WHICH WAS SOMETHING THEY'VE
NEVER SEEN.
AND THEY DON'T HAVE AIR
CONDITIONING OVER THERE.
AND THEY SMELLED BAD ENOUGH IN
FRANCE.
[LAUGHTER]
>> NOT GOING THERE.
>> Bill: I'M NOT GOING THERE
EITHER.
[LAUGHTER]
THEY SMELL BAD, AND IT'S HOT.
BUT THEN, THAT HEAT WAVE MOVED
OVER GREENLAND.
WHICH IS FOR SALE.
>> YES.
>> Bill: WELL, IT'S NOT FOR
SALE APPEARED WHAT DO YOU
THINK -- DO YOU THINK THAT'S
CRAZY, TO SAY "I WANT TO BUY MY
GREENLAND?"
>> NOT BY HIS STANDARDS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: BUT THERE ARE SO MANY
THINGS HE ACTUALLY GOES WRONG
AND CRAZY, I DON'T KNOW WHY WE
HAVE TO BE SO REFLEXIVE.
HARRY TRUMAN WANTED TO BUY
GREENLAND IN 1946, AND WE BOUGHT
ALASKA IN, LIKE, 1857.
THEY CALL IT SEWARD'S FOLLY.
BUT IT WASN'T REALLY A FOLLY.
BUT BUT GREENLAND IS MELTING.
>> YES.
12 BILLION GALLONS A DAY OF
WATER COMING OFF THE ICE SHEET,
I HEARD.
>> Bill: THEY SAID IT WAS
MELTING AT A LEVEL THAT MODELS
HADN'T PREDICTED TO HAPPEN UNTIL
2070.
>> YEAH.
>> Bill: SO THINK OF
YOURSELVES LIVING IN 2070.
IF WE REACH THE OUTCOME OF THE
SEA LEVELS WOULD RISE BY
20 FEET.
>> YEAH, WHICH IS WHY IS
IT IS
URGENT TO GET AFTER DARK MONEY
COMING BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT IS
HOLDING US BACK.
AS DEMOCRATS, THAT OUGHT TO BE
OUR DAILY FOCUS.
IF YOU'RE PLAYING A VIDEO GAME
AND THE ZOMBIES WERE ATTACKING
YOU IN THE VIDEO GAME, AND
THEY'RE ALL POWERED BY THE SAME
POWER SOURCE, YOU WOULD BE A
LOUSY PLAYER IF YOU DIDN'T FIGHT
THE ZOMBIES BUT DID IN THE
ATTACKED THE POWER SOURCE.
THAT IS THEIR POWER SOURCE.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: SO WHAT IS YOUR
ADVICE TO THE DEMOCRATS?
I HAVE TRIED WEEK AFTER WEEK
HERE, I THINK YOU KNOW THIS, TO
KIND OF BE THEIR COACH, SAY
THINGS LIKE "GO ON FOX NEWS."
YOU WOULD AGREE WITH THAT?
YOU'VE GOT TO GO WHERE THE
PEOPLE ARE.
>> MY RHODE ISLAND COLLEAGUE
DOES A GOOD JOB GOING ON
FOX NEWS FOR THE HOUSE DEMOCRATS
DEMOCRATS.
>> Bill: STOP APOLOGIZING FOR
EVERYTHING.
>> CORRECT.
>> Bill: YOU BELIEVE THERE'S
TOO MUCH PURITY TESTING?
>> WAY TOO MUCH.
CIRCULAR FIRING SQUAD -- WE
CAN'T WASTE TIME FIGHTING WITH
EACH OTHER.
WHEN WE HAVE A SITUATION WE FACE
NOW WITH THIS WHITE HOUSE, AND
WHEN WE HAVE THE PROBLEM WE HAVE
WITH THE DARK MONEY.
I MEAN, IN SOME RESPECTS, TRUMP
IS ALMOST A DISTRACTION FROM THE
OTHER PROBLEM.
HE'S AWFUL, HE'S REALLY DAZZLING
IN HIS CRUDITY.
AND A LOT OF ATTENTION GOES TO
HIM, AND MEANWHILE, HERE ARE ALL
OF THESE BIG SPECIAL INTERESTS
SPENDING UNLIMITED AMOUNTS OF
MONEY, INFLUENCE THE
SUPREME COURT, TAKE OVER THE
EPA, CONTROL CONGRESS, ELIMINATE
SOLUTIONS TO CLIMATE CHANGE.
>> Bill: SOMETIMES PEOPLE
WONDER WHY SO MANY CONSERVATIVES
STILL LIKE THEM.
HE GIVES THEM A LOT.
THAT THEY WANT.
NOT THAT WE WANT.
>> AND HE SCARES THEM A LOT.
>> Bill: YEAH, HE DOES THAT.
>> LOOKING AT A COUPLE OF MY
COLLEAGUES, LIKE BOB CORKER,
JEFF FLAKE, WHO HE BASICALLY --
HE PUT THEM OUT.
>> Bill: I HAVE LONG SAID THAT
ONE OF THE STRUCTURAL REASONS
WHY THE DEMOCRATS HAVE SUCH AN
UPHILL BATTLE IS BECAUSE WE ARE
40 MILLION PEOPLE HERE IN
CALIFORNIA, AND ONLY TWO
SENATORS.
HOW MANY IN YOUR STATE?
[LAUGHTER]
>> 1 MILLION.
>> Bill: 1 MILLION?
AND I GET TWO SENATORS?
>> YEAH.
>> Bill: IS THAT REALLY FAIR?
>> TO DEPERSONALIZE IT FOR A
MINUTE, I DON'T HAVE THE NUMBERS
RIGHT NOW, BUT I REMEMBER GIVING
A SPEECH ON THE SENATE FLOOR
WHEN I DID HAVE THE NUMBERS.
THERE WAS A REPUBLICAN MAJORITY
IN THE SENATE, AND WHEN YOU
ADDED UP THE NUMBER OF AMERICANS
THAT THOSE REPUBLICAN SENATORS
REPRESENTED, IT WAS 40 MILLION
PEOPLE FEWER, FEWER, THAN THE
DEMOCRATIC MINORITY REPRESENTED.
SO YEAH, WE HAVE A
REPRESENTATION PROBLEM.
WE HAVE HAD PRESIDENTS GOT
ELECTED WITHOUT HAVING WON THE
POPULAR VOTE.
AFTER RED MAP, WE HAD THE HOUSE
TAKEN OVER AFTER LOSING THE
POPULAR VOTE BY A MILLION, AND
THIS SENATE WITH A BAKED IN
PROBLEM.
REPUBLICANS DO A REALLY
DETERMINED JOB OF WINNING POWER
WITH FEWER VOTERS.
AND WE DON'T TAKE ON THAT
INFRASTRUCTURE, AND WE DON'T
TAKE ON THAT STRATEGY.
WE ARE TOO HAPPY FIGHTING THE
FIGHT OF THE MINUTE,
SECOND-GRADE SOCCER, CHASING THE
BALL, AND THEY ARE PLANNING
AHEAD.
>> Bill: WELL, YOU GET AFTER
THEM.
SENATOR WHITEHOUSE, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S MEET OUR PANEL.
HEY, RICK, HOW ARE YOU?
HELLO.
HEY, EVERYBODY.
OKAY, HE IS A REPUBLICAN
STRATEGIST AND AUTHOR OF
"THE NEW YORK TIMES"
BEST-SELLING BOOK "EVERYTHING
TRUMP TOUCHES DIES,"
RICK WILSON.
[APPLAUSE]
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT, RICK?
IT'S VERY VAGUE.
>> SUBTLE.
>> Bill: OKAY, HE'S THE CHIEF
WASHINGTON CORRESPONDENT FOR
"THE NEW YORK TIMES" AND AUTHOR
OF "CONFIRMATION BIAS: INSIDE
WASHINGTON'S WAR OVER THE
SUPREME COURT, FROM SCALIA'S
DEATH TO JUSTICE KAVANAUGH,"
CARLA HALL SPIRIT A GREAT TO
HAVE YOU ON.
AND, SHE'S A DAILY BEAST
POLITICS REPORTER AT MSNBC,
CONTRIBUTOR, BETSY WOODRUFF IS
HERE.
BETSY, HOW ARE YOU?
OKAY, SO LET'S GET INTO THIS
THING WITH ISRAEL AND TRUMP AND
THE CONGRESSWOMEN GOING OVER
THERE.
FIRST THEY WERE GOING TO GO,
THEN THEY COULDN'T GO, AND NOW
THEY DON'T WANT TO GO.
SO I THINK WE ALL AGREE, ISRAEL
COULD HAVE BEEN THE BIG ONE IN
THIS.
LET'S TALK ABOUT BDS, BECAUSE
THAT IS WHAT IS BEHIND THIS, WHY
ISRAEL SAID THEY WOULDN'T LET
HER IN, BECAUSE SHE SUPPORTS
BDS, WHICH STANDS FOR BOYCOTT,
DIVEST, AND SANCTION.
OF ISRAEL.
BECAUSE OF THE OCCUPATION OF THE
PALESTINIAN TERRITORY.
IS THAT FAIR?
>> TO NOT LET HER IN?
>> Bill: NO.
NO, TO BOYCOTT, DIVEST, AND
SANCTION ISRAEL.
>> I THINK THIS IS SOMETHING
THAT IS GROWING IN THE
UNITED STATES, AND YOU SEE IT A
LOT ON COLLEGE CAMPUSES, WHERE
THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE SAYING,
YOU KNOW, WE CAN'T HAVE THIS
RELATIONSHIP WITH ISRAEL WITHOUT
GETTING PRESSURE ON THEM OVER
PALESTINE.
>> Bill: IS IT FAIR?
IS AT THE RIGHT THING TO DO?
DOES ISRAEL DESERVE THAT?
>> I DON'T KNOW IT IS THE RIGHT
THING TO DO PURE I WILL SAY THIS
ABOUT THE WHOLE CONTROVERSY.
TO ME, THIS IS DANGEROUS FOR
ISRAEL PAIRED MY EXPERIENCE IS
THE
ONE THING,
SUPER BIPARTISANSHIP IN CONGRESS
HAS ALWAYS BEEN ISRAEL.
IF NOT SUPPORT ISRAEL, IT'S NOT
I LOVE ISRAEL THE MOST, NO I
LOVE ISRAEL THE MOST.
AND NOW YOU HAVE THIS DIVISION
OCCURRING THAT I THINK, YOU
KNOW, ISRAEL, WE ARE DEPENDENT
ON THEM, THEY ARE VERY DEPENDENT
ON US FOR MONEY.
IF THE ISRAELI GOVERNMENT
BECOMES SEEN AS ALLIED TO
CONSERVATIVES AND TRUMP IN THE
UNITED STATES, IT'S GOING TO BE
A STRUGGLE FOR THEM, AND THAT IS
WHERE THIS BOYCOTT MIGHT
ACTUALLY TAKE HOLD.
>> AND I WOULD SAY THAT SHIP HAS
ACTUALLY SAILED.
BIBI NETANYAHU AND DONALD TRUMP
ARE ALMOST INDISTINGUISHABLE,
AND THERE'S A HIDDEN ELECTION
COMING UP IN NOVEMBER HIS ENTIRE
PLAN IS TO BE AS CLOSE TO TRUMP
AS POSSIBLE.
PEOPLE FORGET THAT TRUMP IS WAY
MORE POPULAR IN ISRAEL THAN HE
IS IN THE UNITED STATES, AN
ELECTION THERE THAT IS COMING UP
IS ALL ABOUT WHO IS CLOSEST TO
TRUMP APPEARED TO CHALLENGE THIS
PRESENTS FOR THE U.S.-ISRAEL
RELATIONSHIP, WHICH THE MEDIA
HEIGHTENS, YOU
HAVE THESE TWO HEADS OF STATE
WHO COULD NOT BE MORE MYOPIC
ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP.
BIBI IS MAKING EVERY DECISION
BASED ON WHAT WILL HAPPEN A
MONTH FROM NOW.
TRUMP MAKES DECISIONS BASED ON
THE NEXT A NEW CYCLE.
THAT MEANS THE U.S.-ISRAEL
RELATIONSHIP IS BEING MANAGED IN
A VERY MANIC WAY.
>> THIS IS ALSO AN INDICATOR OF
THE KIND OF POLITICS TRUMP WANTS
TO PLAY.
HE WANTS TO ELEVATE RASHIDA
TLAIB, MAKE HER A STAR, THE
RUNNING MATE OF WHOEVER THE
NOMINEE IS THIS TIME.
HE WANTS TO ELEVATE THE SQUAD
BECAUSE HE THINKS THAT THEY ARE
GREAT TARGETS TO MAKE HIS
AUDIENCE, HIS FACE FURIOUS
PEERED HE WANTS THAT FEELING
THAT THERE IS AN ENEMY OUT THERE
AND HE CAN PUT HIS FINGER ON IT.
>> Bill: SINCE NO ONE IS
ANSWERING MY QUESTION, I'M GOING
TO ANSWER IT MYSELF.
IT'S A BULLSHIT PURITY TEST.
BDS IS A BULLSHIT PURITY TEST BY
PEOPLE WHO WANT TO APPEAR WOKE
BUT ACTUALLY SLEPT THROUGH
HISTORY CLASS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S PREDICATED ON THIS NOTION,
I THINK IT'S VERY SHALLOW
THINKING THAT THE JEWS, IN
ISRAEL, MOSTLY WHITE, AND THE
PALESTINIANS ARE BROWNER, SO
THEY MUST BE INNOCENT AND
CORRECT, AND THE JEWS MUST BE
WRONG.
AS IF THE OCCUPATION CAME RIGHT
OUT OF THE BLUE.
THAT THIS COMPLETELY PEACEFUL
PEOPLE FOUND THEMSELVES
OCCUPIED.
FORGET ABOUT THE INFANT TODDLERS
AND THE SUICIDE BOMBINGS AND THE
ROCKETS AND HOW MANY WARRIORS
COME AND LET ME READ ONE OF
THE COFOUNDERS OF THE MOVEMENT.
HIS QUOTE, "NO RATIONAL
PALESTINIAN WOULD EVER ACCEPT A
JEWISH STATE IN PALESTINE."
SO THAT'S WHERE THAT COMES FROM.
THIS MOVEMENT.
SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T EVEN WANT A
JEWISH STATE AT ALL.
SOMEHOW, THIS SIDE NEVER GETS
PRESENTED IN THE AMERICAN MEDIA.
IT'S VERY ODD.
>> I THINK IT'S ABSOLUTELY
BECOME ONE OF THESE LITMUS TESTS
INSIDE
INSIDE THE HARD PROGRESSIVE
MOVEMENT NOW THAT THE ENEMIES OF
TRUMP AND BEFORE THAT, THE
ENEMIES OF BUSH, LOOKING AT
ISRAEL AS A STRONG ALLY FOR
TRUMP, AND FOR BUSH PRIOR TO
THAT.
IT'S BEEN BREWING A LONG TIME.
THIS HAS BEEN PERCOLATING UP IN
THE PROGRESSIVE LEFT FOR A LONG
TIME.
AND I THINK IT IS LARGELY
AHISTORICAL.
IT DOES NOT FOCUS ON THE FACT
THAT THERE ARE TWO PLAYERS IN
THIS DANCE.
AND OF TWO SETS OF BEHAVIORS
THAT YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT.
>> WHAT HE SAID.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT I DO THINK YOU ARE RIGHT ON
THE AHISTORICAL PART.
PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND HISTORY
ANYMORE.
>> Bill: SHOULDN'T THAT COME
INTO PLAY?
WHY AREN'T WE SAYING IT THEN?
I DON'T GET IT.
>> I THINK WE EXPLAIN -- YOU
KNOW, I WORK FOR
"THE NEW YORK TIMES."
WE TEND TO EXPLAIN THE HISTORY
OF THIS CONFLICT, BUT I THINK
PEOPLE, WHEN THEY CEASE THEY SEE
NETANYAHU, AND YOU KNOW, THE
DEMOCRATS IN WASHINGTON ARE
STILL REALLY MAD ABOUT THAT
SPEECH, REMEMBER WHEN
JOHN BOEHNER INVITED HIM, SORT
OF WENT AROUND OBAMA, AND THEY
JUST FEEL THAT THIS
ADMINISTRATION HAS BEEN
PLAYING --
>> Bill: SAUDI ARABIA WOULDN'T
LET JEWS INTO THE KINGDOM.
I'M NOT SURE THEY STILL DO.
>> THEY DON'T.
>> Bill: THEY DON'T?
>> NO.
>> Bill: ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?
I HAVE A LIST HERE OF JEWS IN
THE MIDDLE EAST PRIOR TO 1948.
MOROCCO, THERE WAS
250000 TO 350000 FOR THESE ARE A
LITTLE OLD STATISTICS BID LAST
TALLIED, 2500, IRAQ HAD
150,000.
IN '03, THEY HAD 34.
TO ME SHE HAD 100,000.
THEN THEY HAD 900.
EGYPT HAD 75,000 TO 80,000, THEN
40.
IRAN HAD 150,000, THEN 9,000.
IT'S NOT A ONE-WAY STREET HERE,
IS IT?
AND CONGRESSWOMAN OMAR HAS SAID
THINGS LIKE, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE
BENJAMINS.
ISRAEL HAS HYPNOTIZED THE WORLD.
MAY A LA AWAKEN THE PEOPLE AND
HELP THEM SEE THE EVIL DOINGS OF
ISRAEL.
SHE APOLOGIZED FOR IT, BUT IT'S
OUT THERE.
JEWS CONTROLLED THE WORLD,
CONTROL THE MONEY.
I CAN SEE WHY THEY DON'T GET A
HERO'S WELCOME.
>> AND IT PRESENTS A REALLY
MAJOR CHALLENGE FOR THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY, BECAUSE THE
VAST MAJORITY OF DEMOCRATIC
MEMBERS OF THE HOUSE OF
REPRESENTATIVES WOULD VERY MUCH
SHARE YOUR VIEWS ON THIS
MOVEMENT.
BUT NOW THERE ARE THESE TWO NEW
YOUNG MEMBERS WHO HAVE
SIGNIFICANT SUPPORT AMONG THE
PROGRESSIVE BASE, WHO ARE MAKING
THE CASE FOR THE BDS MOVEMENT.
AND THAT'S EXTREMELY CHALLENGING
FOR NANCY PELOSI.
IT'S EXTREMELY CHALLENGING FOR
THE MODERATE DEMOCRATS WHO
FLIPPED THE HOUSE, IN PART
BECAUSE THEY PERSUADED
REPUBLICAN VOTERS THAT THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY WAS THE MORE
MODERATE PARTY.
AND IT'S SOMETHING THAT'S GOING
TO BE A MAJOR CHALLENGE FOR THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY GOING FORWARD.
HOW DO THEY HANDLE THESE NEW
MEMBERS MAKING THE CASE FOR THIS
ARGUMENT THAT DOESN'T HAVE WIDE
PURCHASE WITHIN THE PARTY?
>> Bill: OKAY.
SO I'VE BEEN SAYING FOR ABOUT
TWO YEARS THAT I HOPE WE HAVE A
RECESSION.
WHEN PEOPLE GET MAD AT ME,
SEAN HANNITY THINKS I'M ACTUALLY
CAUSING A RECESSION.
I DO NOT HAVE THIS POWER.
HE SEEMS TO BE WANTING TO BLAME
IT ON ME LIKE I'M A GENIE, I CAN
MAKE IT HAPPEN.
I'M JUST SAYING, WE CAN SURVIVE
A RECESSION.
WE'VE HAD 47 OF THEM.
WE'VE HAD ONE EVERY TIME THERE
IS A REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THEY DON'T LAST FOREVER.
YOU KNOW IT'S LASTING FOREVER?
WIPING OUT SPECIES, AND PEOPLE.
BUT THIS WEEK, THE U.N. REPORT
CAME OUT, MORE THAN 1 MILLION
SPECIES OF PLANTS AND ANIMALS
ARE AT RISK OF EXTINCTION, SO
TRUMP, OF COURSE, DID WHATEVER
EVIL VILLAIN WOULD DO.
HE ROLLED BACK THE PROTECTIONS
OF THE ENDANGERED SPECIES ACT.
THIS HAS SAVED THE GREEN SEA
TETO, THE AMERICAN ALLIGATOR,
BALD EAGLES, GRIZZLY BEARS, GRAY
WOLVES, HUMPBACK WHALES, AND
THOSE ARE JUST THE ANIMALS.
THERE'S GOING TO BE A NEW WORD
IN THE LANGUAGE, FLINT WATER.
THERE IS NOW FLINT WATER IN
NEWARK.
SO A RECESSION WOULD BE VERY
WORTH GETTING RID OF
DONALD TRUMP AND THESE KIND OF
POLICIES.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND IT WOULD GET RID OF HIM.
A RECESSION WOULD DEFINITELY
KNOCK HIM OUT OF OFFICE.
>> I GOT TO SAY, BRING ON THE
RECESSION IF IT MEANS THAT YOU
REPLACE -- AND I SAY THIS AS A
REPUBLICAN OF THE TEDDY
ROOSEVELT VARIETY.
IF YOU REPLACE A GODDAMN OIL
LOBBYIST WHO RUNS THE FUCKING
EPA RIGHT NOW -- IT'S OUTRAGEOUS
OUTRAGEOUS.
DONALD TRUMP CAN PISS ME OFF 50
TIMES A DAY, BUT WHEN I READ THE
ENVIRONMENTAL SPECIES IT -- THIS
IS JUST PUNITIVE DICKISHNESS,
DOING THIS TO BE ASSHOLES.
I'M FROM FLORIDA.
I HUNT, I FISH, I GO OUTSIDE.
I LIKE THE EAGLES IN MY
BACKYARD, OKAY?
>> Bill: BUT YOU'RE NOT
KILLING THEM.
>> NO.
I LIKE FLORIDA PANTHERS.
I LIKE THE FACT THAT WE HAVE A
BIG, DIVERSE ECOSYSTEM.
THESE GUYS ARE JUST DOING
THIS -- IT'S JUST PERFORMATIVE
ASSHOLERY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> I THINK IT'S MORE THAN THAT.
I THINK IT'S ALSO HOW THE OIL
AND GAS INDUSTRY.
THERE IS A NICHE THERE, SO THIS
IS TO ME, AND YOU KIND OF HIT ON
THIS, THIS IS COMING TO ME,
WHERE THE CHICKENS COME HOME TO
ROOST.
ON THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION.
YOU CAN HAVE THE CHAOS EVERY
DAY, THE OUTREACH, WHATEVER.
THIS IS POLICY.
AND THIS IS A BIG CHANGE IN
POLICY.
AND THIS IS A RARE FEDERAL LAW
SUCCESS STORY.
IT REALLY HAD GREAT IMPACT, AND
IT HASN'T ONLY SAVE BIG GRIZZLY
BEAR, WHAT I'M GOING TO MENTION
IN A SECOND, THE EGO, I WAS JUST
IN COLORADO.
PEOPLE LIKE SEEING THEIR EAGLES,
OR THEY WOULDN'T BE THERE APPEAR
THIS HAS TAUGHT PEOPLE TO THINK
DIFFERENT ABOUT SPECIES, AND TO
ROLL THIS BACK, REPUBLICANS HAVE
ALWAYS LOOKED AT THIS AS A
WEIGHT ON THE ECONOMY.
>> Bill: NO PERSON WAS
CLAMORING FOR IT, NO VOTER --
ONLY LOBBYIST.
ONLY THE PEOPLE WITH THE MONEY.
>> LIZ CHENEY, THE DAUGHTER OF
THE EX-VICE PRESIDENT AND
REPRESENTATIVE NOW FROM WYOMING.
REMEMBER THAT HOUSE LEADERSHIP,
SHE HAD A GREAT COMMENT THE
OTHER DAY.
THERE WAS A SUIT THAT NATIVE
TRIBES AND SOME LAWYERS BROUGHT
TO STOP THE DELISTING OF THE
GRIZZLY BEAR OUTSIDE YELLOWSTONE
YELLOWSTONE.
AND SHE IS VERY ANGRY ABOUT
THIS, AND SHE SAID THAT THE
SELFISH NATIVES OUT THERE WERE
DESTROYING OUR WESTERN WAY OF
LIFE, WITHOUT THE IRONY.
>> I CAN TELL YOU DONALD TRUMP
LITERALLY THINKS THAT ENFORCING
THE ENDANGERED SPECIES ACT IS A
JOKE.
IN PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS, HE
WILL SAY THINGS LIKE, OH, THEY
COULDN'T DRILL BECAUSE THERE WAS
A FROG.
AND THE ENVIRONMENTALISTS WERE
MAD ABOUT THE FROG.
ALL HE WILL SAY, OH, THERE WAS A
PUDDLE, AND SOMETHING I HAVE
GROWN IN IT.
HE THINKS IT'S FUNNY.
>> Bill: HE THINKS THE WIND IS
CONNECTED TO YOUR TV.
IF WE HAD WIND POWER, AND THE
WIND WASN'T BLOWING, THE TV
WOULD GO OFF.
I DON'T KNOW --
>> RACHEL CARSON, HE IS NOT.
>> I'M OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER
WHEN IT WAS A TERRIBLE THING TO
PIT WINNERS AND LOSERS IN THE
ECONOMY.
THIS WEEK, WHEN EPSTEIN
DIED, HE TWEETED THAT IT WAS THE
CLINTONS, AND PEOPLE NOTICED
THAT THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME
HE HAS JUMPED ON A CONSPIRACY
THEORY.
HE REALLY NEVER MET A CONSPIRACY
THEORY HE DIDN'T LIKE.
LOOK AT THIS, 23 --
"THE WASHINGTON POST" -- 23
BIZARRE CONSPIRACY THEORIES.
I THINK THEY NEED A LITTLE
BETTER RESEARCHER, BECAUSE THAT
IS NOT ALL.
WE FOUND ALL OF THEM.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR THE
FULLEST?
[APPLAUSE]
I'M GLAD.
FOR EXAMPLE, HE BELIEVES THE
CONSPIRACY THEORY THAT DNA
TESTING ON MONICA LEWINSKY'S
DRESS REVEALED A SECOND SHOOTER.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
HE BELIEVES THE THEORY THAT ALL
THE PLASTIC IN THE OCEAN IS FROM
MERMAIDS HAVING WORK DONE.
HE THINKS THE MOON LANDING WAS
FAKE.
BUT "KNOTS LANDING" WAS REAL.
DONALD TRUMP THINK THE AUTHOR
THAT IS A SECRET CODE USED TO
COMMUNICATE MESSAGES.
[APPLAUSE]
HE HAS MANY TIMES AND SPOKEN
PRIVATELY ABOUT HIS BELIEF THE
PYRAMIDS ON STRUCTURES BUILT BY
MAN, THEY ARE THE EARTH'S TITS.
THAT IS --
[APPLAUSE]
HE BELIEVES -- LISTEN TO THIS
CONSPIRACY THEORY -- WHEN
STARBUCKS ASKS YOU, DO YOU WANT
ROOM FOR CREAM?
THEY GIVE YOU THE SAME AMOUNT OF
COFFEE NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY.
[LAUGHTER]
AND HE BELIEVES THAT NOCTURNAL
EMISSION MEANS THAT IN YOUR
SLEEP, YOU WERE JERKED OFF BY A
GHOST.
OKAY, HE IS ONE HALF OF
RUN THE JEWELS AND HOST OF THE
NETFLIX SHOW "TRIGGER WARNING,"
MICHAEL RENDER, A.K.A.
KILLER MIKE IS OVER HERE.
HEY, MIKE!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THERE IS THAT 1,000-WATT SMILE.
HOW ARE YOU?
ALL RIGHT, MIKE, SO GLAD YOU ARE
HERE.
>> GLAD TO BE HERE.
>> Bill: REPRESENTING THERE?
>> THIS -- I KNOW WE'RE GOING TO
TALK ABOUT CAPITALISM AT SOME
POINT.
A COUPLE KIDS SENT ME A BIG AND
TALL STREET WEAR BRAND CALLED
GRAND, THEY ARE CHUBBY.
THEY FIGURED CHUBBY KIDS CAN BUY
EXPENSIVE SHOES, SO I INVESTED
IN THEIR COMPANY AND BOUGHT SOME
OF THEM.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: BIG OF YOU.
SO I GOT A MILLION THINGS I WANT
TO ASK YOU, LET'S START WITH
JAY-Z.
THAT'S ALL IN THE NEWS, JAY-Z
HAS PARTNERED WITH THE NFL.
I UNDERSTAND ROBERT KRAFT IS THE
ONE WHO BROUGHT THEM TOGETHER.
>> ROBERT HAS A LOT OF HIP HIP
POINTS AT THE LAST COUPLE YEARS.
ALL WRAPPER SHIT.
YOU KNOW YOU LIKE THAT.
>> Bill: BUT THE INTERNET IS
ON JAY-Z LIKE BEYONCE'S SISTER
IN AN ELEVATOR.
BECAUSE, OF COURSE, WE HAVE THE
SUPER BOWL, COLIN KAEPERNICK
STILL DOESN'T HAVE A JOB IN THE
NFL.
AND THERE WAS A LOT OF PRESSURE
FROM A LOT OF PEOPLE SAYING YOU
HAVE MAROON 5 PLAYING THE GIG,
BUT THEY GOT SHIT FOR DOING IT.
SOME PEOPLE STAYED AWAY, SOME
PEOPLE ARE NOW SAYING THAT JAY-Z
IS GIVING THE NFL COVER.
ERIC REED, A PRO BOWLER FOR THE
PANTHERS, HE SAID IT LOOKS LIKE
YOUR GOAL, TALKING TO JAY-Z, WAS
TO MAKE MILLIONS BY ASSISTING
THE NFL IN BURYING COLIN'S
CAREER.
I DON'T AGREE WITH THAT, BUT I
WANT YOUR TAKE.
>> BEING A BLACK AMERICAN IS A
DUALITY, RIGHT?
AND I NAVIGATED BECAUSE I WAS
RAISED IN ATLANTA.
ATLANTA SUPER BOWL CAME LAST
YEAR, I STOOD UP AND ONE OF
THE MEETINGS AND I RAISE TELL
ABOUT THERE NOT BEING A SOCIAL
CLIMATE INVOLVED, MEANING
I SAID, AT LEAST YOU COULD HAVE
12 KIDS SHADOW PRODUCERS AND
LEARN HOW TO PRODUCE A SHOW.
WE HAVE ARTS AND THEATER SCHOOL
THAT OUTKAST CAME OUT OF.
MY SCHOOL, FREDERICK DOUGLASS
HIGH SCHOOL ARTS PROGRAM, SIMPLE
AS THAT, YOU CAN DO THAT.
OUR COMMUNITIES THAT DECIMATED
WERE MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL
PULLED OUT YEARS AGO.
THEY FUNCTION ANOTHER GENETIC
POOL IN THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC
THEY CAN GET MUCH CHEAPER,
RIGHT?
>> Bill: ARE WE STILL TALKING
ABOUT JAY-Z?
>> YEAH, WE ARE.
WHAT WE ARE REALLY TALKING ABOUT
IS WHAT FUELS THESE THINGS.
THE NFL IS FUELED BY TALENT FROM
BLACK KIDS AND POOR, WORKING
CLASS WHITE KIDS THAT MAKE GOOD.
JAY-Z HAS BEEN A CAPITALIST HIS
ENTIRE CAREER, AND A CELEBRATED
ONE, BECAUSE HE WAS ONE OF US
THAT MADE IT OUT OF THE STREETS,
INTO ROOMS, AND HE DID WHAT HE
COULD WHEN HE SHOULD.
WHEN THE GRAMMYS DID NOT SHOW
THE HIP-HOP PORTION, JAY-Z
BOYCOTTED.
I KNOW, BECAUSE I BOYCOTTED THE
SAME YEAR, THE ONLY GRAMMY I
EVER WON.
I WAS SAD AS HELL AFTER.
JAY-Z NOT ONLY GIVES US A SEAT
AT THE TABLE, YOUNG PEOPLE,
YOUNG BLACK AMERICA.
WHAT HE KNELT FOR WAS PROPER
TREATMENT OF US BY STATE AGENTS,
THAT DOES NOT END WITH HIM
GETTING A JOB, AND THE SAME
WAY HIM KNEELING IS NOT AN
INSULT TO THE MILITARY.
AS AN AMERICAN, ASSERTING HER
FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS, SAYING
SOMETHING IS WRONG.
SO ON BOTH SIDES OF THIS
POLARIZED ISSUE THAT WE ARE
GIVEN THIS NARROW FRAME TO
ARGUE, LIKE TRUMP, WE SHOULDN'T
DO THAT.
LOOK FOR THE TERTIARY
AGREEMENTS.
I BELIEVE IF JAY-Z BECOMES A
TEAM OWNER, KAEP GETS A TRYOUT.
>> Bill: I WOULD READ HIS
WHOLE QUOTE, BUT IT'S BASICALLY
SAYING, TIME FOR ACTION.
AND TO ME, IT SOUNDS LIKE HE'S
BEEN TALKING TO OBAMA.
JAY-Z HAS.
BECAUSE THIS IS OBAMA, TO ME.
LET'S DO SOMETHING REAL, LET'S
GET SOMETHING DONE.
LET'S NOT BE THE ENEMY OF THE
GOOD.
>> THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN
COMMUNITY WOULD ARGUE THAT OBAMA
DIDN'T DO THAT.
SAME ELEMENTS THAT WOULD ARGUE
THAT JAY-Z HASN'T BETRAYED.
THERE'S AN ARGUMENT OUT OF THE
AFRICAN-AMERICAN COMMUNITY
THAT'S NOT PLEASED WITH OBAMA
APPEARED ON HERE TO CASTIGATE,
I'M JUST SIMPLY SAYING, WE ARE
NOT MONOLITHIC.
WE HAVE DIFFERENT VIEWS.
AROUND JAY-Z, THERE WAS A MAYOR
IN ATLANTA, WHEN HE TOOK MY
ORIOLE SHIT, THIS IS WHAT HE
SAID, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A
SEAT AT THE TABLE SO 29% OF ANY
CONTRACT THAT COMES ACROSS THE
CITY HAS TO BE AFRICAN-AMERICAN
PARTICIPATED AND OWNED.
HE COULDN'T FIND ONE
AFRICAN-AMERICAN ARCHITECTURE
FIRM AT THE TIME, SO HE HIRED
BLACK CONTRACTS TO BUILD
RUNWAYS.
IF YOU CAN BUILD A DRIVEWAY, YOU
CAN BUILD A RUNWAY.
THOUGH HE COULDN'T INCLUDE US IN
ARCHITECTURE, HE GOT BLACK
COMPANIES LIKE THE HERMAN
RUSSELL COMPANY WORKING TO
BUILD, AND THAT IS WHAT JAY-Z IS
DOING.
WITH THAT SAID, HE IS SUPPORTING
KAEPERNICK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: MAY I ASK A SECOND
QUESTION?
[LAUGHTER]
YOU'LL GET MORE QUESTIONS.
OKAY.
SO, GUNS.
GUNS.
>> YES.
>> Bill: EVERY TIME YOU ARE
HERE, WE'VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT
GUNS.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHY.
>> Bill: THERE WAS A SHOOTING
LAST WEEK, AND CORY BOOKER,
KAMALA HARRIS HAVE GUN PLANS
OUTCOME AND THEY'RE TALKING
ABOUT THESE RED FLAG LAWS.
I KNOW YOU'RE NOT DOWN WITH
THAT.
>> I CAN'T BE.
I'M AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN MALE.
I LIVE IN A PROGRESSIVE CITY IN
THE DEEP SOUTH.
I'M SURROUNDED BY WHITE GUN
OWNERS WHO HAVE OWNED GUNS FOR
GENERATIONS, WHO AGREE WITH THE
PRESIDENT THAT IS BEING COMPARED
TO NATIONALISTIC AND NAZIS.
I WOULD BE A FOOL TO SAY GIVE MY
GUNS TO GOVERNMENT PAY DOESN'T
MEAN I HAVE A NEED AGAINST THE
LOBBY, TO GET KAMALA AND CORY
IN.
IT MEANS I SIMPLY CANNOT, IN MY
SUPPORT OF BLACK PARTICIPATION
IN POLITICS, THAT IS AN ISSUE I
CANNOT SUPPORT.
>> Bill: BECAUSE A RED FLAG
MEANS THEY ARE GOING TO FIND
REASONS TO TAKE --
>> THEY ALREADY HAVE.
>> Bill: I KNOW YOU WOULD SAY
THEY ARE GOING TO FIND MORE
REASONS --
>> GUN LAWS AFFECT BLACK
AMERICANS FIRST AND WORST.
DR. KING GOT GUNS TO BE AN ISSUE
BY FILING FOR A CONCEALED CARRY
PERMIT PIT 70 OR 80 YEARS AGO,
AND THE DEEP SOUTH, BLACK MEN
COULD BUY SHOTGUNS BUT NOT
RIFLES BUT WHAT'S THE
DIFFERENCE, THEY BOTH KILL
PEOPLE?
A SHOTGUN CAN KILL KLAN CLOSER
THAN A RIFLE PIER I WOULD WANT
HIM DEAD SO HE DOESN'T GET CLOSE
TO MY WIFE AND CHILDREN.
>> Bill: WE ALREADY HAVE COME
IN MY VIEW, TOO MANY POLICE.
THERE ARE FIVE POLICE FORCES
BETWEEN MALIBU AND THIS STUDIO?
>> I'VE BEEN PULLED OVER BY FOUR
OF THEM.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: IS THAT TRUE?
>> THEY ALL LET ME KEEP MY WEED,
THOUGH, THAT'S HOW I KNEW YOU
GUYS WERE MUCH MORE PROGRESSIVE.
>> Bill: THE DEA, THE ETF,
I.C.E., FEDERAL, SHERIFF
DEPARTMENT, THE FEDERAL MARSHALS
MARSHALS --
>> A LOT OF COPS.
>> Bill: THAT'S A LOT OF
PEOPLE WITH A LICENSE TO KILL,
AND THEY ALL LOVE TRUMP.
>> I CAN'T SAY ALL, BUT A LOT.
>> Bill: COPS LOVE BEFORE.
SO, YOU ARE ATLANTA.
THERE WAS A BIG CONCLAVE TODAY
WITH MAYOR PETE WAS THERE.
SPEAK ALL BE THERE --
>> Bill: YOU WILL BE THERE?
>> I LEAVE HERE TO FLY HOME, MY
WIFE IS NOT HAPPY ABOUT THAT.
SHE WANTS TO STAY IN MALIBU AND
SMOKE WEED.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: WHY WOULD IT BE
DIFFERENT IN MALIBU?
WEED IS WEED, THAT'S WHAT'S
GREAT ABOUT IT.
>> WE HAVE BETTER STRIP CLUBS,
YOU HAVE BETTER WEED.
WE SHOULD MEET IN THE MIDDLE.
GREEN WEED AND BLACK WOMEN, MAN.
BEST FRIENDS.
>> Bill: MAYOR PETE, WHAT DO
YOU THINK ABOUT MAYOR PETE TO?
EVERY TIME I TURN ON THE NEWS,
THEY TALK ABOUT HIM.
HE'S GOT A PROBLEM, HE'S NOT
DOWN WITH THE BROWN.
>> I LIKE HIS PERSONALITY.
I DON'T KNOW ENOUGH OF HIS
POLICY.
I KNOW HE RAN INTO SOME ISSUES
AROUND POLICE IN THE SOUTH BEND
AREA.
MY THING IS, WITH POLICE FORCES
AND ANY MAYOR, WHY DO THEY SEEM
TO HAVE CONTROL AND FOLLY OVER
THE MAYOR'S OFFICE, VERSUS THE
OTHER WAY AROUND?
IN MY CITY, POLICE SEEM TO BE
TAKEN TO TASK MORE.
POLICE HAVE BEEN EXCELLENTLY
KILLED, A BLACK OLD LADY, FALSE
PREMISE DRUG RAID -- THEY WERE
SENT TO JAIL PEERED POLICE KILL
A KID FALSELY
ACCUSED OF CRIMES.
NEW YORK, BILL de BLASIO COULD
HAVE DONE SOMETHING SOONER.
MAYOR PETE, AND HIS GROWTH TO BE
A NATIONAL POLITICIAN, HE HAS TO
GET OUT IN FRONT OF THIS AND BE
TOUGH AND SQUARE.
IF YOU ATTACK INSURANCE
COMPANIES AND POLICE PENSIONS,
YOU WILL SEE A DECELERATION.
YOU NEVER SEE BLACK COPS
ACCIDENTALLY KEEP KILLING WHITE
KIDS.
THEY UNDERSTAND WHITE PEOPLE ARE
NOT GOING TO TOLERATE IT, THE
WAY YOU DON'T TOLERATE THINGS IN
CAPITALISM IS ATTACK THE MONEY.
IF YOUR POLICE FORCE IS
MISABUSING AND USING YOU, AND
THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU, FIND
WAYS TO ATTACK THEIR MONEY.
FIND WAYS TO ATTACK THE UNIONS,
THE PENSIONS, FIND A WAYS TO
ATTACK THE CITY'S MONEY.
IT WILL CHANGE.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: EVERYBODY CAN GET IN
ON THIS ONE.
AFTER THE SHOOTINGS LAST WEEK,
NEIL deGRASSE TYSON, A GOOD
FRIEND OF MINE, A GOOD FRIEND OF
THE SHOW, BOY, DID HE GET IN
TROUBLE ON TWITTER.
HE SAID, IN THE PAST 48 HOURS,
THE U.S. TERRIFICALLY LOST 34
PEOPLE TO MASS SHOOTINGS.
AND HE SAID, ON AVERAGE, ACROSS
EVERY 40 HOURS CAN WE LOSE TWO
MEDICAL ACCIDENTS, CAR
ACCIDENTS.
HE SAID OFTEN OUR EMOTIONS
RESPOND MORE TO SPECTACLE THAN
TO DATA.
OKAY.
BUT HE DIDN'T VOICE THE ONE TRUE
OPINION.
THIS COUNTRY IS NOW A PLACE
WHERE THERE IS JUST ONE
ACCEPTABLE OPINION, GOD FORBID
YOU HAVE NUANCE OR THINK OUTSIDE
THE BOX.
SO FUCK ALL OF YOU ALL.
YOU CAN EXPRESS A DIFFERENT
OPINION.
HE WASN'T SAYING, I'M GLAD
CHILDREN ARE DEAD.
>> IT'S THE GOTCHA CULTURE.
I DON'T HAS TO MOBILIZE THEIR
MOB IN ANY GIVEN MOMENT.
AND HE GOT DRAGGED BECAUSE -- HE
DIDN'T SAY WHY DON'T WE HAVE GUN
CONTROL?
HE DIDN'T UTTER THE MAGIC SPELL
THAT WOULD HAVE PROTECTED HIM.
>> CAN I SAY, THOUGH, WHEN WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT CANCEL CULTURE AND
GOTCHA CULTURE, IT'S NOT
CONCENTRATED IN ONE SIDE.
JUST IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS, THE
PRESIDENT GOT MOVIE CANCEL
BECAUSE HE HADN'T SEEN IT AND
FOX NEWS DECIDED IT WASN'T NICE
TO CONSERVATIVES, EVEN THOUGH IT
PRESENTED LIBERALS AS BEING MEAN
TO CONSERVATIVES.
FOR SOME REASON, THAT DID IT
MATCH WITH THE PRESIDENT WAS
SAYING.
THEY'RE ALWAYS GOING TO BE
OUTRAGED MOBS ON THE INTERNET,
BUT WHEN YOU LITERALLY HAVE THE
MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN THE FREE
WORLD --
>> 60 MILLION TWITTER FOLLOWERS.
WHEN HE TRIGGERS SOMEBODY, THEY
PULL A TRIGGER.
>> Bill: BUT IT HURTS MORE
WHEN IT'S THE PEOPLE ON MY SIDE
WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FOR FREE
SPEECH.
>> I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
>> THERE IS NO SENSE OF
PROPORTION TO ANYTHING.
EVERYTHING, IF THE DEVCON ONE
IMMEDIATELY.
WE HAVE THIS REALLY
OBJECTIONABLE HEADLINE LAST WEEK
OR SO ABOUT TRUMP, GIVING HIM
TOO MUCH CREDIT, AND, YOU KNOW,
"THE NEW YORK TIMES" -- I'VE
BEEN THERE A LONG TIME -- WE
WRITE BAD HEADLINES ALL THE
TIME.
THIS IS A COMMON OCCURRENCE.
OCCURRENCE.
IMMEDIATELY, EVERYONE IS LIKE,
WE GOT TO FIRE THE EDITOR, I'M
CANCELING MY SUBSCRIPTION.
IT'S KNEE-JERKY, OVER THE TOP,
EDITS FUELED BY SOCIAL MEDIA.
I REALLY THINK IT IS UNHEALTHY.
>> HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE
ORIGINAL POINT COME IN A
CAPITALISTIC SOCIETY, THEY ARE
NOT GASPING BECAUSE THEY ARE
OFFENDED, THEY WERE SAYING THAT
1992.
IT'S THE PERCEPTION OF I'M GOING
TO LOSE MONEY.
THE WAY TO CANCEL CANCEL CULTURE
IS TO NOT ONLY ENFORCE THAT WE
BE MORE ADAMANT ABOUT FREE
SPEECH, IT'S TO THEN SUPPORT THE
THINGS YOU WANT TO SUPPORT.
THANK GOD -- THEY BROUGHT
BROWARD COUNTY TO TAKE HIM TO
THE SUPREME COURT THERE THEY
FOUGHT THE FIGHT FOR US TO SAY
BULLSHIT THAT GETS US CANCELED.
>> Bill: THE FIRST RAP RECORD
I EVER BOUGHT.
>> I LOVE YOU.
>> AND THE BEST PROOF OF THAT
ARGUMENT, OR CANCEL CULTURE
DOESN'T WORK THERE LITERALLY,
THE GOVERNOR AND
ATTORNEY GENERAL OF VIRGINIA
RIGHT NOW BOTH HAVE BLACK FACE
PROBLEMS, AND THEY BOTH ARE
STILL IN POWER BECAUSE THEY
AREN'T RESPONSIVE TO THE
INFLUENCES OF THE MARKET.
>> Bill: SPEAKING ABOUT, AND
MOVIES GETTING CANCELED, SARAH
SILVERMAN.
SHE TWEETED OUT THIS WEEK, SHE
WAS ABOUT TO START A MOVIE, AND
SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT AS
DORA THE EXPLORER.
[LAUGHTER]
THIS IS THE NIGHT BEFORE THE
MOVIE WAS TO START, THEY CALLED
HER UP AND SAID NO, WE SAW THE
SKETCH -- THIS HAS BEEN OUT
THERE FOR QUITE A WHILE HERE SHE
DID A BLACK FACE SKETCH IN 2007.
A SKETCH, I DON'T MEMBER ANYBODY
AT THE TIME -- WHICH, THEY
CHANGE THE RULES.
IT WAS IN SERVICE OF THE LIBERAL
POINT OF VIEW.
IT WAS AN ANTIRACIST SKETCH
USING BLACKFACE TO MAKE THAT
POINT.
IT WASN'T TO BRING BACK MINSTREL
SHOWS THAT SHE DID IT.
BACK THEN, THE RULE WAS OKAY,
YOU CAN DO THAT IF IT'S IN
SERVICE OF THE RIGHT POINT OF
VIEW.
NOW, THE RULES HAVE CHANGED, AND
SHE LOSES HER JOB.
NOW, DOES EVERYBODY WHO DID
THAT -- JIMMY KIMMEL DID IT,
BILLY CRYSTAL DID IT, AND A LOT
OF -- TED DENSON DID IT,
EVERYBODY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT
THE FUTURE, FUTURE SARAH --
>> A TIME MACHINE, IN THE
FUTURE, THE WOKENESS STANDARD
WOULD CHANGE, WHICH IS HORSESHIT
HORSESHIT.
SOMEDAY THEY WILL FIND SOME
BUDDY WHO LAUGHED AT THE
BLACKFACE SKETCH.
NOW THEY HAVE TO BE FIRED.
IT'S ENDLESSLY --
>> Bill: WHERE ARE YOU ON
THIS?
>> I'M ON SARAH SILVERMAN, THERE
IS A BLACK DETERGENT IN ATLANTA
STARTED BY FOUR BLACK VETERANS,
ALL MEN 60 OR 70 YEARS OLD.
SHE WAS ONE OF THE FIRST AND
BIGGEST PEOPLE FROM HOLLYWOOD TO
MAKE A MASS PURCHASE OF THEIR
PRODUCTS, TO PUT IT ON
SOCIAL MEDIA.
THAT HELPED -- YEAH, IT'S CALLED
TRUE DETERGENT.
>> Bill: TO GET THE BLACKFACE
OFF?
[LAUGHTER]
>> NO.
BUT HAD SARAH NOT DONE THAT,
THAT COMPANY WOULD NOT HAVE
GOTTEN THE EXTRA FUNDING THEY
NEEDED TO PURCHASE A WAREHOUSE,
WOULD NOT BE A CORNERSTONE.
YOU ALL KNOW CHECK THAT OUT.
IF SARAH, ALLY, DID THAT, I CAN
FORGIVE AN ALLY SHIT SHE DIDN'T
KNOW YEARS BEFORE.
ON THE BEHALF OF MY COMMUNITY.
>> Bill: I'M GOING TO FIND OUT
WHO PRODUCED THE MOVIE, NEVER
SEE ANOTHER MOVIE THEY DO.
EXACTLY, I'M GOING TO GET BACK
AT THEM.
>> I KEEP THINKING, IF EVERYBODY
ALWAYS GETS FIRED FOR EVERY
MISTAKE, WHO'S GOING TO BE LEFT
AND WHO IS GOING TO TAKE THE
CHANCES?
YOU HAVE TO TAKE SOME CHANCES.
>> Bill: RIGHT!
ESPECIALLY AS ARTISTS.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THE LINE IS
UNTIL YOU CROSS IT A LITTLE BIT.
>> YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THAT.
>> Bill: NO, I WOULDN'T KNOW
THAT ALL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S REALLY CREEPY THE WAY THERE
IS A SHOW TRIAL ASPECT TO THIS.
WHEN I READ NEIL
DEGRASSE TYSON -- FIRST OF ALL,
ANYBODY'S FIRST APOLOGY, NEVER
GOOD ENOUGH.
HE WROTE I AM A LONG, LONG --
>> IT'S LIKE A MARRIAGE.
>> Bill: HE WROTE I AM
THEREFORE THANKFUL FOR THE
CANDOR AND DEPTH OF CRITICAL
REACTION.
THIS IS WHAT THEY USED TO DO IN
THE OLD SOVIET UNION.
CAN I GET OUT OF THE GULAGS NOW?
THANK YOU FOR EDUCATING ME,
REEDUCATING ME.
HE'S NOT THE FIRST
ASTROPHYSICIST TO GET IN
TROUBLE.
GALILEO.
GALILEO'S APOLOGY ALMOST THE
SAME, I HAVE BEEN ENJOINED BY
THE HOLY OFFICE TO ABANDON THE
FALSE OPINION THAT MAINTAINS THE
SUN IS THE CENTER.
I AM SURE, CURSE, AND TO TEST MY
SAID ERRORS AND HERESIES.
AND I GET OUT OF THE CELL NOW?
>> IT'S THE CULTURAL REVOLUTION
IN CHINA, PEOPLE ARE BEGGING TO
BE FORGIVEN AFTER THEY HAVE HAD
THEIR FAMILIES KILLED.
I'M SO SORRY THEY OFFENDED YOU.
>> I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS
TOTALLY FAIR TO COMPARE NEIL
deGRASSE TYSON HAVING TO TWEET
SOMETHING THAT'S A LITTLE BIT
OVER THE TOP TO THE CULTURAL
REVOLUTION IN CHINA.
THAT SEEMS NOT EXACTLY LIKE
THESE ARE THE SAME THINGS.
>> Bill: THAT WAS NOT --
>> STILL THE MARATHON, THOUGH.
IT'S A PATHWAY THAT LEADS THERE.
DEFINITELY THE BEGINNING.
WHEN PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT
GRADUATED POSTSECONDARY
EDUCATION GET TO SHAME AND
ASTROPHYSICIST INTO APOLOGIZING,
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: WE ONLY HAVE 30
SECONDS, JUST GIVE ME YES OR NO,
WAS JEFFREY EPSTEIN A SUICIDE,
OR IS THERE SOMETHING MORE
NEFARIOUS?
>> SUICIDE.
>> SUICIDE, BUT FOR SHE.
>> SUICIDE, BUT THE
INVESTIGATIONS WILL TURN UP
INTERESTING.
>> NIGGA, PLEASE.
>> Bill: TIME FOR "NEW RULES,"
EVERYONE.
OF "NEW RULES"
."
ALL RIGHT.
NEW RULE: THE SELFIE BRUSH, THE
PLASTIC HAIR BRUSH THAT HOLDS
YOUR iPHONE SO YOU CAN TAKE A
SELFIE IN BETWEEN BRUSH STROKES,
MUST COME WITH THE FOLLOWING
DISCLAIMER:
"WARNING: OTHER PEOPLE'S
INTEREST IN YOU IS LIKELY LOWER
THAN YOU SUSPECT."
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
ATTACHING YOUR CELLPHONE TO YOUR
HAIRBRUSH DOESN'T SAY, "I'M A
MULTI-TASKER."
IT SAYS, "GIVE ME BRAIN CANCER,
GOD, I DARE YOU."
NEW RULE: SCIENTISTS HAVE TO DO
A PEER-REVIEWED STUDY TO
DETERMINE WHAT IT IS ABOUT THE
HUMAN MIND THAT MAKES US KEEP
THINKING, "A NICE, COLD LA CROIX
SOUNDS GOOD," EVEN THOUGH IT
ALWAYS TASTES LIKE SHIT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: MARRIED PEOPLE WHO
INVITE ALL THEIR FRIENDS AND
FAMILY TO WITNESS THE RENEWAL OF
THEIR WEDDING VOWS, HAVE TO BE
HONEST ON THE INVITATION.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: THE JEWEL WASP HAS TO
UNDERSTAND WE HAVE A PRETTY GOOD
IDEA WHY YOU ASKED TO SPEAK TO
US, AND BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING,
WE JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
YOUR MOTHER AND I LOVE YOU NO
MATTER WHAT.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
REHEARSAL CROWD, LOVED THAT
YESTERDAY.
AND THEY WERE JUST PEOPLE OFF
THE STREETS.
NEW RULE: SINCE THE APP SHAZAM
LETS ME KNOW WHAT SONG I'M
LISTENING TO, THEY SHOULD HAVE A
NEW ONE THAT LETS ME KNOW IF THE
ARTIST IS PROBLEMATIC THERE
THAT'S WHY I'VE INVENTED PROBLAM
PROBLAM.
[APPLAUSE]
FOR EXAMPLE, LET'S PLAY THE SONG
"GHOST WHIPPED THE WHISKEY."
♪ ♪
I LOVE THAT SONG.
BUT CAN I LOVE THE SINGER?
LET'S PROBLAM IT.
IT SAYS THE SINGER HAS MADE
SEVERAL TWEETS CALLING THE OBAMA
ADMINISTRATION GAY, AND ONES
LICKED A WOMAN'S NECK AND A
WALGREENS.
THROW HIM IN THE PILE WITH OUR
KELLY AND WACKO JACKO.
NOW PLAY SOMETHING I CAN ENJOY
WITH A CLEAR CONSCIENCE.
♪ ♪
AND FINALLY, NEW RULE:
AMERICA MUST ASK ITSELF THIS
QUESTION: WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT
THE EASY ACCESS TO FIREARMS BY
YOUNG MEN WHO SIMPLY FEEL LIKE
SHIT?
THERE'S NO SHORTAGE OF REASONS
OFFERED AS TO WHY AMERICA HAS A
GUN VIOLENCE PROBLEM, BUT ISN'T
A LOT OF IT BECAUSE AMERICA IS
AN EVERY-MAN-FOR-HIMSELF,
WINNER-TAKE-ALL CULTURE THAT
CHEWS UP AND SPITS OUT PEOPLE
WHO DON'T KEEP UP?
YOU CAN FLY AS HIGH AS YOU WANT,
BUT IF YOU FALL BY THE WAYSIDE
OUR RESPONSE IS:
SUCKS TO BE YOU, LOSER.
UNFOLLOW.
YOU WANT A FRIEND?
GET A GUN.
42% OF THE PEOPLE IN AMERICA
MAKE $15 AN HOUR OR LESS.
HOW MUCH OF A LIFE CAN YOU
REALLY HAVE ON THAT BUDGET?
WHAT IS AN AMERICAN
MASS SHOOTER, REALLY, BUT A
SUICIDE BOMBER WEARING
AXE BODY SPRAY?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THE NRA SHOULD CHANGE ITS SLOGAN
TO "GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE.
SEETHING LONERS WHO CAN'T GET
LAID KILL PEOPLE."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YES, WE HAVE TOO MANY GUNS,
BUT AMERICA HAS AN EPIDEMIC OF
GUN VIOLENCE BECAUSE IT HAS AN
EPIDEMIC OF GUYS WHO WERE PICKED
LAST IN GYM.
[LAUGHTER]
>> WE DON'T HAVE JIM IN ATLANTA
SCHOOLS ANYMORE.
>> Bill: I DO IT FOR THEM AT
HOME.
FORGET "RED FLAGS" -- JUST FIND
THE GUYS WHO CUT THEIR OWN
BANGS.
[LAUGHTER]
I KNOW PROFILING IS WRONG,
BUT IF A GUY TAKES HIS MOTHER TO
THE PROM, HE GOES ON THE LIST.
[LAUGHTER]
DOES YOUR FONDEST SEXUAL MEMORY
INVOLVE TWO OTHER PEOPLE YOU
HEARD THROUGH A WALL?
[LAUGHTER]
I'M GOING TO GET RID OF THIS.
IF IT'S THE LAST THING I'M
DOING.
YOU'VE BEEN SELECTED FOR EXTRA
SCREENING.
"ARMED AND LONELY" IS NOT A GOOD
COMBINATION.
AMERICA HAS A LONELINESS CRISIS.
22% OF MILLENNIALS SAY THEY
DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.
25% SAY THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE AN
ACQUAINTANCE.
10% DIDN'T KNOW THAT PIZZA COMES
IN SLICES SO SOMEONE ELSE CAN
HAVE SOME.
[APPLAUSE]
AND WHAT IS IT THAT HAS MADE
PEOPLE SO LONELY?
IT'S THEIR STUPID PHONES.
WHICH WERE SUPPOSED TO CONNECT
PEOPLE.
[APPLAUSE]
BUT WHICH STUDIES HAVE FOUND HAS
MADE THEM MORE LONELY.
IT'S LIKE A VIBRATOR DESIGNED BY
MIKE PENCE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THE INTERNET IS WHERE YOUNG
WHITE MEN GO FROM LONELY AND SAD
TO RADICALIZED AND LETHAL.
WE USED TO WAKE UP, READ THE
PAPERS, SEE ALL THE TERRIBLE
THINGS IN THE WORLD, AND SAY,
WELL, AT LEAST MY LIFE IS BETTER
THAN THOSE POOR SLOBS.
BUT NOW, IT'S THE OPPOSITE.
SOCIAL MEDIA TELLS YOU EVERYONE
IS HAVING MORE FUN WITH MORE
TOYS AND MORE FRIENDS THAN YOU.
THEY'RE ALWAYS IN ST. KITTS,
HAVING MAI THAIS AT SUNSET,
WHILE YOU'RE IN CANOGA PARK
SELLING YOUR PLASMA AT DUSK.
[LAUGHTER]
"YOLO!"
[APPLAUSE]
BEFORE INSTAGRAM, YOU WEREN'T
COULD BE A LOSER BUT WOULDN'T
FEEL IT, BECAUSE THE WINNERS
WEREN'T ALWAYS IN YOUR FACE.
EVEN THE MOST MUNDANE POST OF
AVOCADO TOAST AND A HIPSTER
COFFEE SHOP SENDS THE MESSAGE, I
AM HAVING FUN, AND YOU ARE NOT,
ENJOY YOUR CUP OF NOODLES, FATTY
FATTY.
THIS IS HOW THE INTERNET GETS
YOU COMING AND GOING:
GUYS WATCH THE "HAVES" ON
INSTAGRAM, AND THEN GO OVER TO
SITES LIKE 8CHAN TO BROOD WITH
THE "HAVE-NOTS."
BEING A LOSER USED TO JUST MEAN
THAT YOU STAYED HOME ON FRIDAY
NIGHTS TO GET A HEAD START ON
YOUR "STAR WARS" FAN FICTION.
YOU HAD A HARD DICK AND
NO SOCIAL SKILLS, BUT IT WASN'T
A MOVEMENT.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT NOW, WITH SITES LIKE 8CHAN,
IT IS.
8CHAN IS WHERE THREE
MASS SHOOTERS SO FAR POSTED
THEIR "MANIFESTOS."
IT'S WHERE QANON GOT STARTED.
8CHAN IS TO LONELY WHITE MEN
WHAT THE HOMETOWN BUFFET IS TO
GASTRIC BYPASS PATIENTS:
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BOTH DANGEROUS AND INESCAPABLE.
AND IT'S WHY PEOPLE NEED REAL
FRIENDS, NOT CHATROOM FRIENDS,
NOT FACEBOOK FRIENDS, NOT
FELLOW PARANOIDS FEEDING EACH
OTHER MISINFORMATION ON A
SCREEN, BUT REAL, HUMAN FRIENDS,
WHO CAN LOOK YOU IN THE EYE AND
TELL YOU YOUR THEORIES ABOUT THE
COMING RACE WAR ARE HORSESHIT.
AND TO TELL YOU THAT
SOCIAL MEDIA ISN'T REAL, SO STOP
COMPARING YOURSELF TO A FANTASY.
NO ONE IS HAVING THAT MUCH FUN,
THEY'RE JUST DISTORTING REALITY
TO BIG THEMSELVES UP.
TRUST ME, ANYONE OUT THERE WHO
IS HOME TONIGHT, FEELING
LEFT OUT, DISCARDED, AND
DISRESPECTED -- IF YOU KNEW HOW
MUCH EVERYBODY OUT THERE WAS
FAKING IT, YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO
JOIN THEM, ANYWAY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S OUR SHOW.
I'LL BE AT THE
WASHINGTON PAVILLION IN
SIOUX FALLS, SOUTH DAKOTA,
AUGUST 18TH, AND AT THE MIRAGE
IN VEGAS SEPTEMBER 6TH AND 7TH.
I WANT TO THANK RICK WILSON,
CARL HOLLIS, BETSY WOODRUFF,
KILLER MIKE, AND
SHELDON WHITEHOUSE APPEARED STAY
TUNED FOR "OVERTIME" ON YOUTUBE.
GOOD NIGHT!
♪ ♪