1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:38,739 [ Rock music playing ] 4 00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:49,049 * These are the days 5 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,120 * Oh-oh 6 00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:04,165 * These are the days 7 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:09,002 * You'll remember 8 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:11,472 Good morning, Tom. * Never before 9 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,408 * And never since 10 00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:18,212 * I promise 11 00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:23,284 * Will the whole world be warm as this * 12 00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:25,819 WOMAN NARRATING: Twelve is our number. ** [ Continues, Indistinct ] 13 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:29,990 It's the number of games my husband Tom coaches at Lincoln College every season. 14 00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:34,061 It's the number of times we zero out our bank account each year to make ends meet. 15 00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:37,165 And it's the number of kids we try to keep track of. 16 00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:45,539 [ sighs ] Hey. Good run? 17 00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:48,376 Oh, yeah. [ Groans ] 18 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:51,011 You need a paramedic? 19 00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:54,382 No, just a pair of knees. You finish? 20 00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:58,186 Still proofing, but I'm sending it to Diane today. 21 00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,754 Look at this. New, clean cover, 22 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,324 no peanut butter stains... yet. 23 00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:06,460 Hey, baby? Baby? 24 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,330 You know, on the run, you know what I was thinking? 25 00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,832 What? 26 00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:17,271 Well, we've been married, what, five years? 27 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:20,107 Twenty-three. [ groans ] Twenty-three. Sorry. 28 00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:23,577 And I think we could use a little change around here, 29 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,479 like-like this lumpy old mattress. 30 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:28,716 Maybe we should just, you know, get rid of it. [ Giggling ] 31 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,685 Don't be ridiculous, honey. You know you can just pound the lumps out of a mattress. 32 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:35,223 What-What do you mean? You can just pound the lumps out of a mattress? 33 00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:37,758 Yeah, just randomly start swatting away. 34 00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:39,893 And it goes flat? Yes, yes. 35 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,596 Just start-- You just randomly start swatting-- 36 00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:45,499 * These are the days 37 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:48,869 * You might fill with laughter [ shouting, laughing ] 38 00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:50,704 Careful. * Until you break 39 00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:54,675 * These are the days * 40 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:57,378 I got a dog on me! WOMAN NARRATING: Twelve's an insane number of kids, 41 00:02:57,478 --> 00:03:00,648 but having a small family was never an option for us. 42 00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:05,386 See, Tom loved growing up with seven brothers and sisters. 43 00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:07,888 And after my sister died, I spent most of my time... 44 00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:11,259 wishing I had seven brothers and sisters. 45 00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:14,262 Tom and I met at Illinois Polytechnic University. 46 00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,264 He was a senior dreaming of becoming 47 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,266 the head football coach there. 48 00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:21,269 I was a freshman dreaming of becoming a sports reporter. 49 00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:24,372 He wanted eight kids, I wanted eight kids. Bam. 50 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:27,975 An hour after I met him, I knew he was the one. 51 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,143 We just had family at the wedding. 52 00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,546 Oh, and Shake Maguire, Tom's best man. 53 00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:35,783 What a hot dog. 54 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,151 A year later, we had our first-- Nora. 55 00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:41,855 I loved taking her to work with me. 56 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:44,758 After Charlie and Lorraine were born, we realized our dream of living in the city... 57 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:48,462 and having eight kids and two careers wasn't gonna work. [ baby crying ] 58 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:51,665 As much as we wanted our big careers, we wanted our big family more. 59 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:55,336 So Tom settled for a Division III coaching job at Lincoln, 60 00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,338 I quit writing for the Tribune, and we moved to the country. 61 00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:58,939 * Ninety-nine bottles of beer 62 00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,474 Tom and I got busy when we moved to Midland. 63 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:05,313 We had Henry, Sarah, Jake and Mark in consecutive years. 64 00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:07,548 Then we went for magic number eight, and instead... 65 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:11,352 we got the first set of fraternal twins-- Jessica and Kim. 66 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:13,854 Nine kids. Come on, you guys. Come on. 67 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,856 Wave! Hi! 68 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,426 [ cheering ] 69 00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:21,695 With each child, Tom and I got further from our big career dreams. 70 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,664 But we didn't think about that. 71 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:27,601 [ whistle blowing ] [ yelling ] Yeah! 72 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,670 Oh. Sorry, Coach. 73 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:39,480 We had our hands full with nin. We were happy, and we were done. 74 00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,882 Then we went to a party celebrating Shake Maguire's appointment... 75 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:43,417 to athletic director at our alma mater. 76 00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:47,421 And, well, too many beers and nine months later, we had Mike. 77 00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:50,358 After that, Tom got a vasectomy. 78 00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:52,593 But he didn't hear the doctor say that it would be 79 00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:55,463 a few weeks... before the procedure became effective. 80 00:04:55,563 --> 00:05:00,401 In '98, Nigel and Kyle got us to that crazy number 12. 81 00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:03,537 But by then, Tom and I were experts at managing chaos. 82 00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:09,743 [ Karate Yells ] Let's move, gang. Come on, come on, come on! 83 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:13,381 Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo! Charlie missed his curfew again last night. Take care of that. 84 00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:16,016 Hey. 85 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:19,286 You can only put on so much lip gloss, princess! 86 00:05:19,387 --> 00:05:21,789 [ sighs ] You blew my concentration! TOM: Temper, Sarah. 87 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,492 Now I get to start all over again. 88 00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:26,794 Wrap it up, Lorraine! LORRAINE: Okay, Daddy! 89 00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,529 [ yelling, grunting ] Have you seen my frog, Dad? 90 00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,831 Sorry, Charlie. Uh, Nigel. Kyle. 91 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,834 It's Mark. I knew that. 92 00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:40,273 Hey, teenager. You got caught on Mom radar last night. 93 00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:42,410 You're not gonna get that scholarship 94 00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:44,244 if you're out late with Beth... the night before a big game. 95 00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:46,814 Well, I'm not so sure I even want to go to college. 96 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,519 Since when? 97 00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:54,588 Since Beth's mom offered me a job at the auto shop. 98 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,458 Hmm. Sounds exciting. 99 00:05:57,558 --> 00:06:00,260 Well, we'll talk about that after you get your full ride. 100 00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:03,664 And, meanwhile, in by 10:00 on school nights. Clear? 101 00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:07,435 Got it. Anything else you wanna talk about? 102 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,102 Did I mention I don't like you very much? 103 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,473 Yeah, you mentioned that. Then I'm good. 104 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:16,544 Okay, me too. [ chuckles ] 105 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,448 Dude, two words: need new skates. 106 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:23,717 Dude, three words: paper route. 107 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:27,721 "Hi. Can't make dinner. Hank and I are moving into our new apartment. 108 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,823 Love, Nora." 109 00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:32,726 Have you seen Beans, Mom? Mm-mm. 110 00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:37,164 NIGEL: Here you go, Gunner. KYLE: You hungry, boy? 111 00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:39,533 ** [ Woman Singing, Indistinct] 112 00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,338 * I think it's so wonderful 113 00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:47,908 * That people are bound to get together * 114 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:52,045 * I think it's wonderful that people are bound to get together * 115 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:57,150 * I think it's so good to know that people are bound to get together * 116 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:02,122 * I think it's wonderful that people are bound to get together * 117 00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:04,191 ** [ continues, indistinct ] 118 00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:06,494 Here you go, Gunner. Are you hungry? 119 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:10,363 Look, I am totally aware that this family doesn't value... 120 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:13,133 self-presentation in the same obsessive way that I do. 121 00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:16,670 Fine. Whatever. But one of my life goals, 122 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,139 aside from being, like, a fashion guru, 123 00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:20,808 is to indicate to the local community that... 124 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,010 the Baker family actually owns a bar of soap. 125 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:26,680 So, as self-appointed in-house rep of style and hygiene, 126 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,149 I think I should be allotted at least five extra minutes in front of the mirror. 127 00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,718 Three. Done. 128 00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:33,787 Now help your sister butter the toast. 129 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:37,658 Sarah, your suspension from lacrosse for excessive force has been lifted. 130 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:40,628 So you're going today. Henry, you have band practice, all right? 131 00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:44,565 I cleaned your clarinet. Please don't play with food in your mouth again. 132 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,534 Kim and Jessica, your teacher called and has made a request... 133 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,636 that you do not correct her in front of the class. 134 00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:51,038 Mike, you have show-and-tell today. And, please, honey, 135 00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,173 remember that body parts do not count. 136 00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:55,142 Kyle and Nigel, you have a dentist's appointment at 3:00. You're goin' to work with Dad. 137 00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:57,878 [ Together ] Yeah! 138 00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,748 [ Both Yelling ] [ Yelling ] 139 00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:08,956 And we're shooting our Christmas card today. [ sighs ] 140 00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:13,661 What time's Nora coming over? Uh, she may not make it. 141 00:08:13,761 --> 00:08:16,429 She hardly ever comes home since she started dating that doorknob. 142 00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:20,467 He's not a doorknob. The man irons his jeans, Mom. 143 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,269 Yeah, that's weird. TOM: Never mind. 144 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:23,837 I'll shoot it without her. I'll Photoshop her in. 145 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:26,574 Honey, could you take 10 pounds off me with that Photoshop thing? 146 00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:28,842 Can I be Photoshopped in? Wait. If Sarah's bein' Photoshopped in, 147 00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:31,078 then I'm definitely gonna get Photoshopped in. Why don't we all be-- 148 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:34,481 Nobody gets Photoshopped in but Nora. Everybody be here by 4:00. 149 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,750 Why do we always do our Christmas cards in May anyway? 150 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,653 Because the earlier we get it done, the bigger discount we get at the printer. 151 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:42,590 Now, let's eat! [ All Chattering ] 152 00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:44,625 Here you go. Look alive. 153 00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:48,762 [ chattering continues ] 154 00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,839 [ croaks ] 155 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:05,412 No, Mark! 156 00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:08,148 [ girls screaming ] 157 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:11,218 Get him! 158 00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:12,853 [ all ghouting ] 159 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:19,192 TOM: Come on! Get him, Charlie! He's headed for the waffles! 160 00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,629 I got him, Charlie! I got him! Come to Daddy! Come on! 161 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:31,271 Mike, stick! 162 00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,073 Mark, net! I got the door covered! 163 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,742 I got the net! [ yells ] 164 00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,644 Whoa! Ooh! 165 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,818 [ croaking ] 166 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,995 [ yelling ] 167 00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,133 [ cheering, shouting ] 168 00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:02,035 [ Gunner barking ] 169 00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:08,075 MIKE: Uh-oh. Busted. 170 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:15,448 Put Beans in his cage... 171 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,818 now. 172 00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:22,923 [ all gasping ] 173 00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,665 Is everything broken? 174 00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,869 Teacup with the flower on it broken? 175 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,672 Nice move, FedEx. 176 00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:51,685 KATE: Okay, here we go, everyone. School. Let's go. 177 00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,827 Hey. 178 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:05,598 Much cooler. 179 00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:07,600 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Henry, here you go. Thanks, Mom. 180 00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:10,103 For the record, I am so over Nora's hand-me-downs. 181 00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:13,941 All right, well, you look gorgeous in anything, Lorraine. 182 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,476 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's goin' on? What's wrong with you, mister? 183 00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:19,913 Everybody says the FedEx guy dropped me off... 184 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,782 'cause I don't fit in with this family. 185 00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:24,785 You fit. You fit right here. 186 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:27,921 Like that. KYLE: I called shotgun! 187 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,923 No, I did! I did! 188 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,625 I did! KATE: All right, that's it! 189 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,394 Hey, you two, knock it off! 190 00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:36,764 Mom's losing it! I'm losing it! 191 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:39,767 All right. All right. Come on. Break it up. Break it up. 192 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,905 Here we go. Are you okay? I'll give you candy. 193 00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:48,108 Nigel, Kyle, chill or be chilled. Sure. Listen to him. 194 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,878 Mark? Oh. 195 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:57,284 [ sighs ] 196 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,920 So Nora's not coming? [ Groans ] Well, not exactly. Here. 197 00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:04,858 That is so Nora. We tell 'em they can't sleep together... 198 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:05,959 when they visit, so she moves in with him. 199 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,061 Honey, she's just trying to have her own life. 200 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:10,831 She's too young to have her own life. She's 22. 201 00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:13,901 The same age I was when I was pregnant with her. 202 00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,803 Five minutes ago, she was sitting on my shoulders... 203 00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:17,838 pointing at cows in Munger's Field. 204 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,140 And then you blinked. Yeah. 205 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,810 Enough with the blinking. No more blinking. All right. 206 00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,817 You were checking me out, weren't you? 207 00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:32,019 Yes, I was. You got a problem with that? 208 00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:35,022 Twelve kids later, and we still got the heat. 209 00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:38,458 Whoo! 210 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:46,033 ** [ woman vocalizing ] 211 00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,101 * Hey yo, me and my crew headed to the spot * 212 00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,137 * ... in the parking lot 213 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,371 * Hey yo, I'm jacked up, it's in my hand * 214 00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:52,339 [ whistle blowing ] 215 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,941 * 216 00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:56,743 [ Nigel, Kyle Together ] Come on! Hit it! 217 00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:59,046 Faster, faster, faster! 218 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,414 Is that as fast as you can go? Is that all you got? 219 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,750 Keep it up! Pump 'em high! Let's go! 220 00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,618 Pump it up! That's good! That's good! 221 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:08,922 [ Rap music continues ] 222 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:12,025 That's what I'm talkin' about. Way to go, Marcus. 223 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:15,395 KYLE: Way to go, boys! NIGEL: Nice passes. 224 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:18,866 Right here. Nice job! 225 00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,871 Man, you're gettin' old and ugly. 226 00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:27,307 Shake. 227 00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:30,710 Hey. 228 00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:32,880 Hey, what are you doin' here? 229 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:36,516 What, are you still too busy bein' the pansy house-husband to read the newspapers? 230 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,288 That coach was 5-3. 231 00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:44,791 That's doesn't cut it. I'm trying to grow a program. 232 00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:49,029 Hey, guys. Remember Shake? We played college ball together. 233 00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,297 Yeah, the hot dog. 234 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:53,766 Mom said it first. 235 00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,335 We're having adult time here, boys. 236 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,804 No idea what that means. 237 00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,572 Well, it's this crazy thing where grown-ups... 238 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:03,076 actually get to have a conversation without being interrupted by kids. 239 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,511 Sounds wicked boring. [ Shake ] It is. 240 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,914 So why don't you run along? 241 00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:10,583 Mom's right. He is a wiener. 242 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,920 Sorry about that. Kate likes you. It's just that, you know, 243 00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,988 she had to have the biggest stud on the team. 244 00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,324 So she, uh, chose the third-string receiver... 245 00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,259 and got all this. 246 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,929 Yeah. 247 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,997 So, are you gonna tell me why you're here? 248 00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:28,035 Lincoln's a winning machine. 249 00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:30,003 You think you can make our old team a champion again? 250 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:34,975 You mean coach? Coach. 251 00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:42,582 [ door closes ] Tom, what is it? Just tell me. 252 00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,584 Just-- Okay. Wait. 253 00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:49,422 [ washer, dryer rumbling ] 254 00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:50,790 Dad's covering with the machines. 255 00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:52,359 To the chute! Go, go, go! 256 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,163 My, this is big. 257 00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:59,366 Shake Maguire wants me to coach the Stallions. 258 00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:02,569 Get out! He offered me... a fat five-year contract, 259 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,571 housing allowance, moving expenses. 260 00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:07,540 Kate, we can finally get new furniture. We can get a new car. 261 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,611 And get this. University employees can send their kids to school for free. 262 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:15,682 Wow. 263 00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:19,987 Oh. I don't know, honey. A Division I coaching job, 264 00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:23,423 that's a lot of pressure and a lot more hours. 265 00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:26,859 Yeah, but with all the kids in school next year, we could handle more job pressure. 266 00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:29,997 Yeah, but, honey, Midland is our home. I mean, the kids' lives are here. 267 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:34,334 Midland has been great for raising our kids, 268 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:37,670 but I never expected 'em to sacrifice the way that I did. 269 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,272 You loved your childhood. 270 00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,141 Yeah. 271 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:44,644 Except for this part-- the raggedy, hand-me-down part. 272 00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:48,015 The Stallions head coach. 273 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,649 It's your dream job, isn't it, honey? 274 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:54,454 I want this one, Kate. 275 00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,189 Let's talk to the kids. 276 00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,026 How do you think they'll handle it? 277 00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:00,327 [ all grunting ] We're gonna move! 278 00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:04,164 [ yelling ] 279 00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,033 Okay, everybody, you know the drill. 280 00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:07,400 On "three," you give me a big "cheese." 281 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:12,905 [ horse whinnies ] 282 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,674 Jake, do you have to wear black? 283 00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:17,910 Black works, Mom. Jesus, like, has his funeral on Christmas. 284 00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,879 He died on Easter, Barbie. Whatever. 285 00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:22,715 He was resurrected on Easter, moron. 286 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,551 Be quiet. Don't touch me! 287 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:29,256 [ all arguing ] Hey, hey, hey! What's all the fighting about? 288 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:32,192 Exactly when did you plan on telling us about moving? 289 00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,227 I'm not moving! Yeah, because I'm not moving, all right? 290 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,497 [ voices overlapping ] [ Gunner barking ] 291 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,302 I'm not moving. Charlie, Evanston is only four hours away. 292 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:45,072 Beth can come and visit. This isn't just about Beth, Mom. 293 00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:48,241 My whole life is here at Midland. [ telephone ringing ] 294 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:51,344 Hello? Hi, Mom. 295 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:54,381 Hi, Nora. You're on speaker. Hi, everybody. 296 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,983 Hank says hi too. 297 00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:59,919 So, you guys are thinking about moving up here? 298 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:02,322 Yeah. You got room in that new apartment for your big old family? 299 00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:06,626 Just big enough for two, Dad. How's your book going, Mom? 300 00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:09,396 Actually, I just sent it to a friend who's in publishing, so we'll see. 301 00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:11,964 Could we stay on subject, please? Beans's mother's buried here. 302 00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:15,235 I'm not splitting them up. They're family. 303 00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,604 We can build a fancy new memorial to Pork in our new yard. 304 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:21,408 Yeah, like we could afford that. Actually, we can. 305 00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,976 I'll be making enough money to do that, get you out of hand-me-downs, 306 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,845 get Jake those new skates, 307 00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:27,480 and get that new car we've been saving for. 308 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,282 But I have friends here! 309 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:32,485 Honey, you'll keep in touch. And you can make new friends. 310 00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:34,287 [ voices overlapping ] 311 00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:39,159 Quiet! 312 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:42,262 Now, look, I know you're all scared. 313 00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:45,765 Moving is a big deal. We're very comfortable here. I get that. 314 00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:48,535 And that's why I turned down a lot of other coaching offers through the years. 315 00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:53,206 But this is a job I wanted since we left Chicago. 316 00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:57,477 And, in fact, it's more than a job to me. 317 00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,147 Um, this is my team... 318 00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:02,682 and it's my colors and it's, um, 319 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,184 the Stallions. 320 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:07,654 And they're finally calling my number. 321 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:12,692 And I want you to take this risk with me, because if you do... 322 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:13,693 I promise you, we will be... 323 00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:18,598 a happier and stronger family. 324 00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:22,569 You promise? I promise. 325 00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:25,372 I would feel happier and stronger if we vote on it. Yeah, definitely. 326 00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,640 [ voices overlapping ] CHARLIE: We should vote. 327 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,609 That's the only way to make it fair. It's the only way to do it. 328 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:33,045 All right, we can vote. 329 00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:36,048 But in the end, your mother and I are gonna do what we think is best for the family. 330 00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:38,885 What's the point of even voting? I'm out. 331 00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:41,254 Let's get out of here. It's not even worth it. Come on, guys. 332 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:49,829 [ Nora On Speakerphone ] Hello? Still here. 333 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:53,032 All right, eight noes, 334 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,803 three yes's and three maybes. 335 00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,338 Not exactly a mandate. 336 00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:00,873 Give me a pen. I'm gonna change some of these. 337 00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:04,377 Here we go. 338 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,779 What? "What"? 339 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,815 Let's review, shall we? 340 00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,883 Here we go. 341 00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:16,489 "I'm so glad I found someone whose dreams are as big as mine. 342 00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:18,225 I love you. Kate." 343 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,264 I always loved the way you go for things, Tom. 344 00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,633 Pedal to the metal, full-on, all of it or none of it. 345 00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:28,468 So we're doing this. 346 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,872 We're gonna do this. 347 00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:39,646 We're doing it. 348 00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:43,850 Yeah. And by the time we move, the kids'll get used to the idea. 349 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,952 ** [ "Taps" ] 350 00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,399 Say good-bye to your mother, Beans. 351 00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:12,044 TOM: Gunner, to the car! 352 00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:14,180 [ growling ] Come on! 353 00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:16,416 I'm you. Gunner, to the car! 354 00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:19,352 I'm Gunner. Gunner, to the car! [ whimpers ] 355 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,723 Hey, Charlie. Do me a favor and drive the Cutlass? 356 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,226 Thanks for ruining my life. 357 00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:29,762 NIGEL: I don't wanna move! 358 00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:31,898 You know what? Everybody's going with us. [ both yelling ] 359 00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,634 We're taking all your toys. Okay. 360 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:38,505 Well, whoever said expressing emotion is a good thing, I'd like to see. 361 00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:01,394 * Life is a highway 362 00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:05,398 * I wanna ride it all night long * 363 00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:10,537 * If you're goin' my way 364 00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:14,741 * I wanna drive it all night long ** 365 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:19,211 TOM: Hey, this is our street. 366 00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:21,714 ** [ Rap On Car Stereo ] 367 00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:28,087 Are you sure we're gonna fit in here, Dad? 368 00:21:28,187 --> 00:21:29,722 You'll have friends here in no time, guys. 369 00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:43,002 TOM: Here we are. We are here. Everybody out. 370 00:21:43,102 --> 00:21:44,804 I want everybody out. 371 00:21:47,574 --> 00:21:49,576 [ barking ] Hey, slow down there, Gunner! 372 00:21:49,676 --> 00:21:53,980 Wait up! Hey, Kyle, check this place out! 373 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,849 Cool! [ chattering continues ] 374 00:21:56,949 --> 00:21:59,386 TOM: There it is-- a 1920s classic. 375 00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:00,953 SARAH: What, did the Munsters give you a good price? 376 00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:04,524 All right, the twins share, but everybody else gets their own room. 377 00:22:04,624 --> 00:22:08,060 Now, go kill each other for the best one! That's great. 378 00:22:12,399 --> 00:22:14,534 Hey, Charlie. 379 00:22:14,634 --> 00:22:17,770 You're gonna need a car to visit Beth. The Olds is yours now. 380 00:22:23,042 --> 00:22:24,411 You trying to bribe me? 381 00:22:25,912 --> 00:22:27,714 Is it working? 382 00:22:29,081 --> 00:22:31,050 Little bit. 383 00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:36,523 Come on. 384 00:22:46,433 --> 00:22:48,435 Welcome home, Kate. 385 00:22:50,437 --> 00:22:52,572 It's gonna be great, Tom. Mmm. 386 00:22:52,672 --> 00:22:54,641 Jessica, come here! Check this out! 387 00:22:54,741 --> 00:22:56,476 JAKE: This room is huge! Can I see this one? 388 00:22:56,576 --> 00:22:58,645 Whoa-ho! Back it up, FedEx. 389 00:22:58,745 --> 00:23:01,481 If anyone gets the room across from me, it's Charlie. 390 00:23:01,581 --> 00:23:04,050 And are you Charlie? No. KIM: Dude, I call this room. 391 00:23:04,150 --> 00:23:06,653 Nobody else gets it, okay? JESSICA: Look at the view from here! 392 00:23:06,753 --> 00:23:09,088 It's spectacular! MIKE: Can I share with you? 393 00:23:42,555 --> 00:23:44,824 Oh, God. They're fast-food people. 394 00:23:46,125 --> 00:23:47,760 [ Doorbell Rings ] MAN: Hello? 395 00:23:47,860 --> 00:23:49,796 People are here! 396 00:23:49,896 --> 00:23:53,165 Hi. Hi. I'm Tina Shenk. 397 00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:54,967 This is my husband Bill and our son Dylan. 398 00:23:55,067 --> 00:23:57,369 How do you do? We, uh, live across the street. 399 00:23:57,504 --> 00:24:00,239 Thank you. This is lovely. I'm Kate. This is Tom. Hi. 400 00:24:00,507 --> 00:24:02,041 We're the Bakers. Oh! 401 00:24:02,141 --> 00:24:03,910 Gunner! Gunner! I am so sorry. 402 00:24:04,010 --> 00:24:06,613 Sorry. Are you hiding a cheeseburger anywhere on your person? 403 00:24:06,713 --> 00:24:08,515 I-I don't eat meat. [ Gunner growling ] 404 00:24:10,517 --> 00:24:13,686 Jake? Dude! Two words: manners. 405 00:24:13,786 --> 00:24:17,123 What's up? Wanna help me unpack? Sure. 406 00:24:17,223 --> 00:24:19,291 Put your sweater on, sweetie. He's inside, dear. 407 00:24:19,526 --> 00:24:21,227 Don't start, okay? 408 00:24:23,162 --> 00:24:25,665 [ sighs ] 409 00:24:25,765 --> 00:24:27,734 So, uh, is Jake your only child? 410 00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:29,602 No. We have 12. 411 00:24:30,937 --> 00:24:32,772 I couldn't keep her off me. 412 00:24:35,542 --> 00:24:37,877 Heads up! Oh! 413 00:24:39,646 --> 00:24:41,714 Little less wrist, Mike. Got it. 414 00:24:41,814 --> 00:24:45,217 Game on! Uh, they're playing hockey in the house? 415 00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:47,186 Well, if the game gets bigger than three-on-three, 416 00:24:47,286 --> 00:24:48,555 then they have to take it outside. 417 00:24:51,558 --> 00:24:53,860 Uh, Dylan doesn't really care for rough play. 418 00:24:55,127 --> 00:24:58,565 Uh, you're gonna wanna stop now, dude. 419 00:24:58,631 --> 00:25:01,400 [ yells ] [ Tina screaming ] Oh, my God! 420 00:25:01,568 --> 00:25:03,603 Hang on, buddy! A little help here! 421 00:25:03,703 --> 00:25:06,839 I got him! I got him! Save my baby! 422 00:25:06,939 --> 00:25:09,709 Don't worry, Dylan. I swing from the chandelier all the time. 423 00:25:09,809 --> 00:25:12,278 Cool! All right. 424 00:25:12,378 --> 00:25:15,615 Aah! I got him! I-- Oh! I don't got him! 425 00:25:15,715 --> 00:25:18,818 Oh, my God! [ yelling ] 426 00:25:21,588 --> 00:25:23,623 So, Dylan, know any good restaurants? 427 00:25:23,723 --> 00:25:26,593 KATE: I've got you, Dylan! Don't worry, honey! 428 00:25:29,829 --> 00:25:33,866 JAKE: Whoa! You can let go, Dylan. I think she's got you. 429 00:25:33,966 --> 00:25:36,869 Spin him this way so I can-- TINA: Oh, my God! 430 00:25:41,107 --> 00:25:43,910 Oh, sweetie, are you all right? I'm fine, Mom. 431 00:25:44,010 --> 00:25:47,714 Oh, dear. You know, for the entire minute and a half we livedhr 432 00:25:47,814 --> 00:25:49,616 I really hated that chandelier. 433 00:25:49,716 --> 00:25:51,618 [ chuckles ] Here we go. 434 00:25:51,718 --> 00:25:54,654 Okay. We, uh-- We better go. It's time for your chess lesson. 435 00:25:54,754 --> 00:25:56,488 I don't have a chess lesson, Mom. 436 00:25:56,623 --> 00:25:57,990 Well, then, you need to practice for your chess lesson. 437 00:25:58,090 --> 00:26:00,026 Come over anytime, dude. 438 00:26:00,126 --> 00:26:02,662 Uh, we'll, uh, we'll call, schedule a play date. 439 00:26:02,762 --> 00:26:04,931 No need. Just come by anytime. 440 00:26:05,031 --> 00:26:07,800 Oh, no, we'll call. 441 00:26:07,900 --> 00:26:11,537 You're all invited to my birthday. Oh-ho. That'll be fun. 442 00:26:11,638 --> 00:26:15,141 Hey, Charlie, come on down and help me with this, okay? 443 00:26:15,241 --> 00:26:16,408 KATE: Careful, honey. There's glass everywhere. 444 00:26:16,643 --> 00:26:19,211 [ cell phone ringing ] 445 00:26:19,311 --> 00:26:21,781 I got it, Mom. Okay, well, I'll help you. 446 00:26:21,881 --> 00:26:24,083 Hey, Shake, what's up? You okay? 447 00:26:24,183 --> 00:26:28,120 Really? 448 00:26:28,220 --> 00:26:30,690 Okay, well, I'll see you there. 449 00:26:30,790 --> 00:26:35,361 Hey! Hey, guess what? Fox Sports wants to interview me on TV! 450 00:26:35,461 --> 00:26:39,198 Okay, well, we got this. Dad's gotta earn a living! 451 00:26:39,298 --> 00:26:41,500 Twelve kids. That's the throwback. 452 00:26:41,668 --> 00:26:42,835 Irresponsible is what it is. 453 00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:45,271 How come we didn't have more kids? 454 00:26:45,371 --> 00:26:47,106 Because we wanted one perfect child, 455 00:26:47,206 --> 00:26:48,941 and that's what we got. 456 00:27:06,292 --> 00:27:08,928 [ croaking ] 457 00:27:13,966 --> 00:27:16,202 [ yelling ] 458 00:27:16,302 --> 00:27:19,405 Cool. 459 00:27:19,505 --> 00:27:22,408 TOM: Honey, I'm gonna be home late tonight. I got another press conference. 460 00:27:22,508 --> 00:27:24,576 Come on. Whatever happened to that stud... 461 00:27:24,711 --> 00:27:26,846 who sat across from me at dinner every night? 462 00:27:26,946 --> 00:27:28,815 He got his dream job, remember? 463 00:27:32,418 --> 00:27:34,253 [ door closes ] 464 00:27:34,353 --> 00:27:37,089 [ yelling ] 465 00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:41,961 Good-bye, Dad. See ya, buddy. 466 00:27:53,305 --> 00:27:56,042 Tell the masseuse I'm running about 15 minutes late. 467 00:27:56,142 --> 00:28:00,079 Day 14 on the alien planet. HENRY: Where you goin'? 468 00:28:00,179 --> 00:28:04,116 To sign up for football. And, no, you can't come. 469 00:28:07,053 --> 00:28:08,620 SARAH: Could this place be any more boring? 470 00:28:08,755 --> 00:28:12,191 There's, like, nothing to do around here. I could give you a makeover. 471 00:28:15,461 --> 00:28:16,963 All righty, then. 472 00:28:17,063 --> 00:28:19,999 [ chattering ] 473 00:28:26,405 --> 00:28:29,641 Hi. I'm Charlie Baker. 474 00:28:29,842 --> 00:28:31,844 Oh, yeah, Tom Baker's boy. 475 00:28:31,944 --> 00:28:35,782 Read where his old buddy Shake threw him a bone. 476 00:28:35,882 --> 00:28:37,216 MAN: Offense or defense? 477 00:28:40,419 --> 00:28:43,655 I'm a quarterback. 478 00:28:43,790 --> 00:28:45,825 Yeah, well, maybe in Cowpie, Illinois. 479 00:28:45,925 --> 00:28:49,428 This is 4-A, Skippy. The bigs. 480 00:28:49,528 --> 00:28:51,864 Put him on defense. Cornerback. 481 00:28:55,134 --> 00:28:58,037 By the way, when you show up for practice, don't be wearing that hat. 482 00:29:03,075 --> 00:29:07,179 Okay, uh, let's see. Who's next? Yes? 483 00:29:07,279 --> 00:29:11,483 It's been reported that you like to blast music in your locker room. Why? 484 00:29:11,583 --> 00:29:13,719 Uh, well, it loosens up the players... 485 00:29:13,820 --> 00:29:15,822 and, uh, gets 'em psyched. 486 00:29:15,922 --> 00:29:18,390 Unless, of course, I start dancing. Then they just get nauseous. 487 00:29:18,490 --> 00:29:20,426 [ reporters chuckling ] 488 00:29:20,526 --> 00:29:22,328 At least we get to see him on TV. 489 00:29:22,428 --> 00:29:25,064 REPORTER: Coach, how do you manage a family of 12... 490 00:29:25,164 --> 00:29:26,532 and a football team? 491 00:29:26,632 --> 00:29:28,534 Well, I've got a great team here... 492 00:29:28,634 --> 00:29:31,137 and a solid support system at home. 493 00:29:31,237 --> 00:29:34,473 Go to bed, kids. Okay, you heard the coach. 494 00:29:34,573 --> 00:29:36,708 Off to bed. Here we go. [ Gunner groaning ] 495 00:29:36,843 --> 00:29:40,179 In Midland, we were a family. Now we're a support system? 496 00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:42,314 A family is a support system, Butch. [ groans ] 497 00:29:42,414 --> 00:29:45,384 [ ringing ] 498 00:29:45,484 --> 00:29:49,856 Hello? Who's this? 499 00:29:49,956 --> 00:29:52,324 Somebody from something something. Okay. Shh. 500 00:29:52,424 --> 00:29:55,962 Hello? Yeah, hi, Diane. 501 00:30:05,037 --> 00:30:08,507 This is business. Salmons and pinks are so homemaker. 502 00:30:08,607 --> 00:30:11,277 All right, focus on your navies and your grays. 503 00:30:11,377 --> 00:30:13,512 Navy is muscle, gray is smarts. 504 00:30:13,612 --> 00:30:14,847 Choose either, and you'll rule the boardroom. 505 00:30:16,482 --> 00:30:18,117 What's going on? Guess what? 506 00:30:18,217 --> 00:30:21,453 Diane Phillips called. My book's getting published. 507 00:30:21,553 --> 00:30:23,422 Did I tell you we're gonna have it all? 508 00:30:23,522 --> 00:30:26,592 You've never said that. I'm tellin' you now, baby! Whoo! 509 00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:29,228 Oh-oh. Oh! 510 00:30:29,328 --> 00:30:30,930 Oh! Whoa! Mmm! 511 00:30:31,030 --> 00:30:32,131 Ooh! 512 00:30:34,533 --> 00:30:38,337 Oh, my God! Can you guys just please wait till I leave the room? 513 00:30:38,437 --> 00:30:39,505 Can you hurry? 514 00:30:39,605 --> 00:30:41,407 [ shudders ] 515 00:30:41,507 --> 00:30:42,574 All right, there's one thing. What? 516 00:30:42,674 --> 00:30:45,077 They asked me to go to New York for a few days. 517 00:30:49,281 --> 00:30:50,883 Oh. "Oh"? 518 00:30:50,983 --> 00:30:54,120 That was a good "oh," as in "okay." 519 00:30:54,220 --> 00:30:56,555 Yes, it's not the best timing in the world. 520 00:30:56,655 --> 00:31:00,159 But you're going to New York. I can handle this. You'll manage. 521 00:31:00,259 --> 00:31:02,094 Yeah. 522 00:31:02,194 --> 00:31:03,963 Well, you haven't been home much, Tom, since we moved here. 523 00:31:06,933 --> 00:31:09,135 And you're gonna have to, you know, shop for school supplies, 524 00:31:09,235 --> 00:31:12,338 get 'em dressed and-and bathed so they're clean, 525 00:31:12,438 --> 00:31:13,940 and put 'em to bed at night, walk Gunner-- Been there. Done all that. 526 00:31:15,942 --> 00:31:18,810 You're considering this? I'm not considering it. 527 00:31:18,945 --> 00:31:22,314 You're going. Nora can help me out around the house. 528 00:31:24,216 --> 00:31:27,153 New York. Wow. 529 00:31:27,253 --> 00:31:30,456 Yeah. Wow. 530 00:31:30,556 --> 00:31:32,959 * Every once in a while 531 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:37,796 * I carve a pumpkin 532 00:31:37,964 --> 00:31:42,969 * With a knife made of lollipop sticks * 533 00:31:43,769 --> 00:31:45,972 It totally sucks. I miss you too, 534 00:31:46,005 --> 00:31:47,406 but, I mean, I gotta get a job. 535 00:31:47,506 --> 00:31:49,976 Hi, Lorraine. 536 00:31:50,009 --> 00:31:52,078 Okay, I'll try and be there, honey. 537 00:31:52,178 --> 00:31:56,582 Hi, Kimmy. Yeah, I-I know I haven't been very friendly recently. 538 00:31:57,249 --> 00:31:59,285 They are pulling me in again! 539 00:31:59,385 --> 00:32:01,253 Just tell 'em you can't do it. Can you guys hold on a second? 540 00:32:01,353 --> 00:32:04,190 That's easy for you to say. You're an only child. 541 00:32:10,262 --> 00:32:13,032 It might be fun to babysit together. 542 00:32:13,132 --> 00:32:15,167 No! Whoa, no! 543 00:32:15,267 --> 00:32:19,571 No. You know what happened last time we visited. 544 00:32:19,671 --> 00:32:21,773 They were welcoming you into the family. They set me on fire! 545 00:32:22,008 --> 00:32:24,710 Just your pants. 546 00:32:24,810 --> 00:32:29,015 Honey, I am an actor, okay? And, sure, last time it was just my pants. 547 00:32:29,081 --> 00:32:31,017 But what if next time it's my face? 548 00:32:31,117 --> 00:32:35,021 This is the moneymaker. I'm not that good of an actor. 549 00:32:35,087 --> 00:32:36,688 This is how I get the jobs. I know that. 550 00:32:36,788 --> 00:32:38,357 I'm man enough to admit it. 551 00:32:38,457 --> 00:32:41,027 Please? 552 00:32:41,127 --> 00:32:44,463 Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like that! Please, please, please, please? 553 00:32:44,563 --> 00:32:47,166 You always do that to me. Fine, fine. You know what? We'll go. 554 00:32:47,266 --> 00:32:49,768 But I'll tell you what. One thing happens, and I'm gone. 555 00:32:49,868 --> 00:32:52,571 And no fires. And we sleep in the same room. 556 00:32:52,671 --> 00:32:54,406 Kimmy, put Dad on. 557 00:32:56,642 --> 00:32:58,610 She says she'll help us out if they can stay in the same room. 558 00:32:58,710 --> 00:33:02,548 No. No way. 559 00:33:02,648 --> 00:33:06,552 No, she knows the rules. She wants to have her own room when she's here. 560 00:33:06,652 --> 00:33:08,620 Isn't that sweet? No. 561 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:12,558 Okay, look, why don't you just come over on Sunday, and we'll talk logistics. 562 00:33:12,658 --> 00:33:16,928 All right. Bye. Tell me Doorknob Man isn't babysitting too. 563 00:33:17,063 --> 00:33:19,131 Yes, he very well might be, young lady. 564 00:33:19,231 --> 00:33:20,699 And do not set his pants on fire again. 565 00:33:20,799 --> 00:33:22,168 KATE: Yes. Classic. 566 00:33:23,602 --> 00:33:27,406 It was just his pants. 567 00:33:27,506 --> 00:33:30,742 Is anybody besides me thinking our happier and stronger life... 568 00:33:30,842 --> 00:33:32,944 was actually code for "nastier and suckier"? 569 00:33:33,079 --> 00:33:34,580 First, Dad forces us to move. 570 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:38,184 Then Mom decides to become a career person and, like, travel the globe. 571 00:33:38,284 --> 00:33:40,386 Now we have to take orders from Hank, the model/actor? 572 00:33:40,486 --> 00:33:44,590 And he hates kids too. Ow! 573 00:33:44,690 --> 00:33:48,327 Nora's blind to his evil. We have no choice but to intervene. 574 00:33:48,427 --> 00:33:51,163 We've got 48 hours. Let's work a plan. 575 00:33:52,564 --> 00:33:55,101 [ all whispering ] 576 00:33:57,669 --> 00:34:00,439 All right, Appleschmear season is officially open! 577 00:34:00,539 --> 00:34:02,974 [ all cheering ] 578 00:34:03,109 --> 00:34:04,643 The president of the United States, Sarah Baker, 579 00:34:04,743 --> 00:34:06,645 will throw out the first apple. 580 00:34:06,745 --> 00:34:09,115 [ yells ] [ barking ] 581 00:34:11,183 --> 00:34:13,552 Come on. Bring on the chin music, baby. Let's go. Let's go. 582 00:34:13,652 --> 00:34:17,189 Let's go. Oh, yes! 583 00:34:19,358 --> 00:34:21,127 Ho, it's an apple! And now it's sauce. 584 00:34:23,162 --> 00:34:26,832 And that's a beauty! Mmm! Mmm! 585 00:34:30,569 --> 00:34:34,140 Whoa! [ cheering continues ] 586 00:34:34,240 --> 00:34:37,743 Appleschmear. It's the game my Great-Grandma Gilbreth invented. 587 00:34:37,843 --> 00:34:39,445 [ bat striking apple ] Neat. 588 00:34:42,181 --> 00:34:43,215 Time out. Nora's here. 589 00:34:43,315 --> 00:34:46,185 [ all cheering ] 590 00:34:46,285 --> 00:34:48,587 Nora! Nora! 591 00:34:48,687 --> 00:34:50,622 No! No, no, no, no! 592 00:34:50,722 --> 00:34:52,224 Kids, please do not touch the LeBaron. Just had it detailed. 593 00:34:52,324 --> 00:34:55,161 Hey, whoa, Tom. Tom, can we please, uh, 594 00:34:55,261 --> 00:34:58,597 ask the kids to respect the perimeter around the LeBaron? 595 00:34:58,697 --> 00:35:00,166 Hey, hey, respect the perimeter, kids. Come on. Respect-- 596 00:35:00,232 --> 00:35:03,068 Back up. Back up. Nora. Nora, welcome. 597 00:35:03,169 --> 00:35:06,205 Come on. It's a luxury automobile, kids. 598 00:35:06,305 --> 00:35:08,607 Not your daddy's Oldsmobile. This is for you. Congratulations. 599 00:35:08,707 --> 00:35:10,442 Come on. I wanna hear all about it. 600 00:35:10,542 --> 00:35:12,478 It's very fancy. Now, about the babysitting. 601 00:35:12,578 --> 00:35:14,280 Battle stations. 602 00:35:45,211 --> 00:35:47,346 Heads up, Hank! 603 00:35:49,881 --> 00:35:52,351 Yo, Hank! 604 00:35:52,451 --> 00:35:54,486 [ yells ] 605 00:35:56,755 --> 00:35:58,724 [ Kyle giggles ] 606 00:35:58,824 --> 00:36:01,927 Phase one complete. 607 00:36:14,606 --> 00:36:18,810 Sorry about your clothes, Hank. We'll have 'em dry in no time. 608 00:36:18,910 --> 00:36:21,680 [ mocking Jessica ] "Sorry about your clothes, Hank. We'll have 'em dry in no time." 609 00:36:32,358 --> 00:36:35,327 What is with the staring? Just stop looking at me. 610 00:36:37,729 --> 00:36:39,965 Chopsticks. 611 00:36:52,778 --> 00:36:54,680 Open meat bucket. 612 00:36:57,283 --> 00:37:00,018 Oh! 613 00:37:00,286 --> 00:37:03,289 Begin underwear soaking. 614 00:37:10,529 --> 00:37:14,533 So, um, how's the acting career going, Hank? 615 00:37:14,633 --> 00:37:17,569 If it was goin' any better, there'd have to be two of me. 616 00:37:17,669 --> 00:37:20,406 Yeah, we saw you in the commercial with the gargling-- the mouthwash ad. 617 00:37:20,506 --> 00:37:22,308 You know, the remarkable thing about my career is... 618 00:37:22,374 --> 00:37:23,842 I only started acting, uh, a month ago, 619 00:37:23,942 --> 00:37:25,977 and, uh, I'm already on TV. 620 00:37:26,077 --> 00:37:30,482 It's the real deal. The career is white hot, Tom. It's on fire. 621 00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:34,386 I read that most actors end up in the food service industry. 622 00:37:37,889 --> 00:37:40,659 That's not gonna happen to Hank, Kim. 623 00:37:40,759 --> 00:37:43,194 HANK: Candidly, I, uh, think Nora's right. 624 00:37:43,329 --> 00:37:45,764 It's really-- It's gettin' so as I can hardly go out in public anymore. 625 00:37:45,864 --> 00:37:50,336 I mean, really, with-- between the autograph hounds and the paparazzis-- 626 00:37:50,402 --> 00:37:52,704 Autographs and everything? I mean, just the one commercial, 627 00:37:52,804 --> 00:37:54,473 and you have paparazzi? 628 00:37:54,573 --> 00:37:57,576 Yeah. I've-I've actually-- I've never actually seen them, 629 00:37:57,676 --> 00:38:01,212 but, you know, they hide in the bush and they get their shot. 630 00:38:01,347 --> 00:38:05,517 The crazy thing is that now we're trying to sit at home like regular joes-- 631 00:38:05,617 --> 00:38:09,488 Yeah, well, honey, it's-- And we're watching TV, right? 632 00:38:09,588 --> 00:38:11,490 And, boom, comes on a commercial, and, bam, there's me. 633 00:38:11,590 --> 00:38:13,592 It's, like, you expect to see yourself in the mirror, 634 00:38:13,692 --> 00:38:16,928 you know, and you expect to be lookin' at the handsome devil, 635 00:38:17,028 --> 00:38:19,030 but not on-- not on the TV like it is. 636 00:38:19,130 --> 00:38:21,600 It's, like, bam! Bam! You turn the channel. You're tryin' to, 637 00:38:21,700 --> 00:38:24,370 you know, get it out, and it's-- it just keeps poppin' up. 638 00:38:24,470 --> 00:38:27,539 It's like I can run from me, but I can't hide from me. 639 00:38:28,874 --> 00:38:30,376 What a nightmare! 640 00:38:30,976 --> 00:38:32,444 Yeah. 641 00:38:36,648 --> 00:38:38,784 Nora, honey, you wanna help me in the kitchen? 642 00:38:40,952 --> 00:38:43,989 Nora, stop! Yeah. Mm-hmm. 643 00:38:44,089 --> 00:38:45,424 Wanna help me in the kitchen? Get a pie, look at a picture of Grandma, say the rosary? 644 00:38:45,524 --> 00:38:48,394 Come on, kids. Here we go. Everybody out. I'll be back. 645 00:38:54,533 --> 00:38:57,703 Tommy. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. 646 00:39:02,140 --> 00:39:04,676 [ whines ] Gunner! 647 00:39:07,613 --> 00:39:09,748 [ barking ] 648 00:39:09,848 --> 00:39:10,782 Save it, boy. [ whining ] 649 00:39:12,984 --> 00:39:14,520 Hey! Hey. 650 00:39:14,620 --> 00:39:16,321 There you go. You look as good as new. 651 00:39:16,422 --> 00:39:20,025 Yeah. Not as good as you, chief. Yeah, anywhere. 652 00:39:20,125 --> 00:39:22,928 [ whining ] 653 00:39:23,028 --> 00:39:25,431 How sweet. You know what you want? 654 00:39:25,531 --> 00:39:28,634 Kate, is this-- is this orange juice freshly squeezed? 655 00:39:28,734 --> 00:39:31,302 Nora and I are on a bit of an organic diet, 656 00:39:31,437 --> 00:39:34,105 and we're only goin' with the organic freshly squeezed, 657 00:39:34,205 --> 00:39:35,974 and it tastes a bit like Tropicana. 658 00:39:36,074 --> 00:39:38,477 [ chuckles ] He's a winner. 659 00:39:38,577 --> 00:39:41,913 [ all straining ] Gunner, no! 660 00:39:42,013 --> 00:39:45,116 Release the hound. All right, charge! 661 00:39:45,216 --> 00:39:46,718 You guys poppin' out another one any time soon? 662 00:39:49,020 --> 00:39:51,457 Just... curiosity. 663 00:39:52,924 --> 00:39:55,461 [ Gunner grunting ] 664 00:39:59,130 --> 00:40:00,566 [ groans ] 665 00:40:02,434 --> 00:40:04,002 [ grunting,groaning ] Gunner! 666 00:40:04,102 --> 00:40:07,739 Gunner! Gunner! 667 00:40:07,839 --> 00:40:09,441 It's Gunner. 668 00:40:09,541 --> 00:40:11,109 Honey, he's-- he's really digging in. 669 00:40:11,209 --> 00:40:14,312 Sorry, babe. Gunner, stop! Sit-Sit down! 670 00:40:14,412 --> 00:40:16,782 HANK: He's attacking! Stop it, Gunner. 671 00:40:16,882 --> 00:40:18,484 [ growling ] [ yells ] 672 00:40:18,584 --> 00:40:20,819 Oh, my. Well, he's hungry. Stop it, Gunner! 673 00:40:23,188 --> 00:40:24,490 [ yelling ] 674 00:40:24,590 --> 00:40:28,159 Gunner! [ screaming ] 675 00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:29,728 Get him off! Get him off! 676 00:40:29,828 --> 00:40:31,997 [ all laughing ] 677 00:40:32,097 --> 00:40:33,599 [ laughing stops ] 678 00:40:40,906 --> 00:40:42,874 [ barking ] 679 00:40:42,974 --> 00:40:44,743 [ barking ] 680 00:40:49,214 --> 00:40:50,682 [ yells ] 681 00:40:57,623 --> 00:41:00,225 Nora! Nora, we didn't want you to go. 682 00:41:00,325 --> 00:41:02,528 Look, let's just get something clear. 683 00:41:02,594 --> 00:41:05,030 Even though you guys live near me now, I have my own life. 684 00:41:05,130 --> 00:41:08,366 It's mine. Not ours-- mine. 685 00:41:08,534 --> 00:41:11,837 Nora! Would you please get in the LeBaron? 686 00:41:11,937 --> 00:41:14,906 I beg of you! My loyalty is to Hank now, 687 00:41:15,006 --> 00:41:17,175 and that's the way it's gonna be. 688 00:41:19,177 --> 00:41:20,779 In the living room, now! 689 00:41:23,649 --> 00:41:24,950 Let's go! 690 00:41:25,050 --> 00:41:29,420 [ barking ] 691 00:41:29,555 --> 00:41:32,558 Your neighborhood canines have completely ruined the LeBaron's paint job. 692 00:41:32,658 --> 00:41:34,626 I'm sure my family will pay to repaint it. 693 00:41:34,726 --> 00:41:36,695 Good, 'cause I'm sure payin' for your family. 694 00:41:36,795 --> 00:41:40,599 What's that supposed to mean? I think you know what it means. 695 00:41:40,699 --> 00:41:43,702 You soaked his underwear in meat. 696 00:41:45,070 --> 00:41:47,272 That is so wrong. 697 00:41:49,575 --> 00:41:52,878 Funny, but wrong. 698 00:41:54,345 --> 00:41:58,083 Now, who was the mastermind... 699 00:41:58,183 --> 00:42:00,786 in the meat-soaking plot against Hank? 700 00:42:09,728 --> 00:42:11,296 You were the masterminds? 701 00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:16,602 Step back, please. 702 00:42:25,010 --> 00:42:26,945 [ making beeping noises ] 703 00:42:31,316 --> 00:42:33,752 [ beeping intensifies ] 704 00:42:33,852 --> 00:42:35,621 [ beeping slows ] 705 00:42:35,721 --> 00:42:39,958 [ beeping intensifies ] 706 00:42:44,863 --> 00:42:47,966 You have a dark gift, Sarah Baker. 707 00:42:49,067 --> 00:42:51,670 But it's going to cost everyone a month's allowance. 708 00:42:51,770 --> 00:42:53,004 No! [ all protesting ] Do you wanna make it two? 709 00:42:56,341 --> 00:42:59,645 Now, when your mother leaves tomorrow, 710 00:42:59,745 --> 00:43:01,146 I'm gonna need everyone to pull their own weight. 711 00:43:01,246 --> 00:43:02,648 Now, go upstairs and go to your rooms! 712 00:43:10,055 --> 00:43:12,523 Soaking his underwear in meat? 713 00:43:12,658 --> 00:43:14,559 I mean, how do they come up with that? 714 00:43:14,660 --> 00:43:18,664 If I could just harness that ingenuity and channel it into something constructive. 715 00:43:18,764 --> 00:43:21,667 Yeah, like getting somebody to help you out while I'm gone. 716 00:43:21,767 --> 00:43:24,269 I can handle it, even without the better half of the tag team. 717 00:43:24,369 --> 00:43:26,805 I know, honey. I'm just worried. I've never left the kids-- 718 00:43:26,905 --> 00:43:29,808 Honey, it's three days! I know. 719 00:43:29,908 --> 00:43:32,343 I'm just-- I'm gonna miss 'em. 720 00:43:32,443 --> 00:43:35,180 Okay, I froze some dinners. And make sure they get to school on time. 721 00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:37,548 It's their first day, so you know how nervous they're gonna be, all right? 722 00:43:37,683 --> 00:43:40,551 And, kids, don't worry. Mom can be back from New York in two hours if something happens. 723 00:43:40,686 --> 00:43:42,688 Really, it's only one hour with the time difference. 724 00:43:42,788 --> 00:43:45,691 All right, I hugged everybody. I love you all. One more hug, and you guys pass it on. 725 00:43:45,757 --> 00:43:47,558 All right? All right, thank you, sweetheart. 726 00:43:47,693 --> 00:43:49,327 I love you. I love you too. 727 00:43:49,427 --> 00:43:52,831 Okay. All right. Do I have everything? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 728 00:43:52,931 --> 00:43:55,066 All right. 729 00:43:55,166 --> 00:43:57,235 Bye, Mom. Bye. 730 00:43:57,335 --> 00:43:59,337 I love you. Yeah, yeah. 731 00:43:59,437 --> 00:44:02,540 Have a safe flight. 732 00:44:02,708 --> 00:44:05,711 Got the whole neighborhood out to say good-bye, huh? 733 00:44:07,012 --> 00:44:08,714 KIM: Bye, Mom! 734 00:44:13,218 --> 00:44:15,721 Little vampires, my plan worked. 735 00:44:15,821 --> 00:44:18,589 She's gone. Now I can raise you children the way I want to! 736 00:44:18,790 --> 00:44:20,726 [ sinister laughter ] 737 00:44:23,962 --> 00:44:25,731 Come on. It's gonna be fun. I mean, your dream has come true. 738 00:44:25,831 --> 00:44:28,133 Mom's gone. Weak old Dad is here. 739 00:44:28,233 --> 00:44:30,068 You can get away with murder. You can do anything you want. 740 00:44:32,003 --> 00:44:33,304 Dylan's birthday party is coming up. 741 00:44:33,404 --> 00:44:36,241 You can get all hopped up on ice cream and sugar and cake 742 00:44:36,341 --> 00:44:38,576 and go crazy. 743 00:44:38,777 --> 00:44:41,112 * I'm just a kid * 744 00:44:43,815 --> 00:44:45,984 TOM: You kids are gonna do great today, I promise. 745 00:44:47,819 --> 00:44:52,390 * I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare * 746 00:44:52,490 --> 00:44:55,994 * I'm just a kid I know that's not fair * 747 00:44:56,094 --> 00:44:59,264 * Nobody cares 'cause I'm alone * 748 00:44:59,364 --> 00:45:02,901 * And the world is having more fun * 749 00:45:03,001 --> 00:45:05,636 * Than me 750 00:45:05,771 --> 00:45:08,039 ** [ Continues, Indistinct ] What is that? 751 00:45:11,209 --> 00:45:13,311 Moo! 752 00:45:13,411 --> 00:45:15,847 [ laughter ] 753 00:45:15,947 --> 00:45:18,483 I guess he's the funniest guy in the herd. 754 00:45:19,785 --> 00:45:21,887 [ alarm blaring ] 755 00:45:21,987 --> 00:45:24,222 * Here it goes I'm just a kid * [ all laughing ] 756 00:45:24,322 --> 00:45:27,192 * Life is a nightmare 757 00:45:27,292 --> 00:45:31,129 * I'm just a kid I know that it's not fair * 758 00:45:31,229 --> 00:45:34,165 [ music continues, indistinct ] 759 00:45:34,265 --> 00:45:35,166 Walk much? 760 00:45:36,501 --> 00:45:39,805 [ laughing ] 761 00:45:39,905 --> 00:45:43,708 * Nobody cares 'cause I'm alone and the world * 762 00:45:43,809 --> 00:45:48,679 * Is having more fun than me * 763 00:45:49,247 --> 00:45:51,983 * I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare ** 764 00:45:57,388 --> 00:45:59,257 Hi! Hey! 765 00:45:59,357 --> 00:46:03,161 Look at you, Diane. Look at you. You did not have 12 kids. 766 00:46:03,261 --> 00:46:05,663 Yes, I did. Girl, I can't even manage a boyfriend. 767 00:46:05,831 --> 00:46:08,333 Well, who can? Look at this room! Oh, it's great. 768 00:46:08,433 --> 00:46:12,203 Isn't it great? Listen, we've got big plans for the book. 769 00:46:12,303 --> 00:46:14,272 Really? I'm so-- Ta-da! 770 00:46:14,372 --> 00:46:16,207 Oh, come on! Look at it! 771 00:46:16,307 --> 00:46:19,845 Isn't it great? It's fantastic. I love it. Look at this. 772 00:46:19,911 --> 00:46:22,313 The company wants it in stores by Christmas. 773 00:46:22,413 --> 00:46:24,349 Christmas? Yes. So, tomorrow, 774 00:46:24,449 --> 00:46:26,517 the marketing people will bring you up to speed on the book tour. 775 00:46:28,053 --> 00:46:30,856 A-A book tour? Yes. We've got talk shows, 776 00:46:30,956 --> 00:46:32,958 book signings, personal appearances. 777 00:46:33,058 --> 00:46:35,093 And it's only gonna take a couple of weeks. 778 00:46:35,193 --> 00:46:38,997 Couple of weeks? Oh, no. I can't be away from the kids that long. 779 00:46:40,665 --> 00:46:44,035 Well, if there's no book tour, then there's no book. 780 00:46:46,104 --> 00:46:48,073 Two weeks? Kate, 781 00:46:48,173 --> 00:46:50,942 you've been the primary caregiver for, what, 22 years? 782 00:46:51,042 --> 00:46:53,378 Can't Tom handle the kids for a while? 783 00:46:53,478 --> 00:46:55,981 ** [ Rock ] [ Gunner barking ] 784 00:47:04,455 --> 00:47:06,524 ** [ woman singing, indistinct] 785 00:47:06,624 --> 00:47:08,293 They're all going to end up on milk cartons. 786 00:47:21,406 --> 00:47:23,808 Gil-- Gil, Decker and Rico are playing too loose at the corners. 787 00:47:23,909 --> 00:47:25,911 We need to pull them in. [ beeping ] 788 00:47:26,011 --> 00:47:29,247 Sarah, dishwasher! I'll-I'll come by tomorrow after I drop the kids off at school, 789 00:47:29,347 --> 00:47:31,749 and we can talk out some offense variations. 790 00:47:31,917 --> 00:47:33,818 All right. No, I gotta go. I gotta go. 791 00:47:33,919 --> 00:47:38,256 Dad, Nigel hit Kim with a dart, and I assume he will be punished. 792 00:47:38,356 --> 00:47:40,291 Uh, Jake, get me a Band-Aid, okay? Here, here. 793 00:47:40,391 --> 00:47:42,227 Go stir. You like to stir. Here, let's take a look at it. 794 00:47:42,327 --> 00:47:44,295 Let's take a look, see if it's okay. [ gasps ] 795 00:47:44,395 --> 00:47:47,532 Oh, no, I'm just kidding. It's actually not-- Uh, Dad? 796 00:47:47,632 --> 00:47:50,068 Yeah? This goo's on fire. 797 00:47:50,168 --> 00:47:54,339 Oh, no, no. That's the way Daddy likes it! Likes it hot and nice and spicy! 798 00:47:54,439 --> 00:47:58,809 Yeah. Here we go. There we go. Got it. All right. 799 00:47:58,944 --> 00:48:01,479 Hey, Dad. Oh, good. Can you get a Band-Aid? 800 00:48:01,579 --> 00:48:05,383 No need to say hello. Not one other kid in this neighborhood does chores. 801 00:48:05,483 --> 00:48:07,785 Well, we're not like any other family in the neighborhood. 802 00:48:07,953 --> 00:48:10,088 Right. So, why do we live here? 803 00:48:10,188 --> 00:48:12,223 Dishwasher, now! 804 00:48:12,323 --> 00:48:15,826 Jessica, can you get these plates and put 'em on the table, please? 805 00:48:15,961 --> 00:48:19,397 Oh, God. What the-- Mike's athletic cup? 806 00:48:19,497 --> 00:48:22,567 Ow! 807 00:48:22,667 --> 00:48:26,637 Oh! Pasta de la Crotch. 808 00:48:31,109 --> 00:48:34,079 Is that blood? No, it's just a-- 809 00:48:34,179 --> 00:48:36,647 [ vomits ] 810 00:48:36,747 --> 00:48:40,986 Oh! Clean-up on aisle 12! 811 00:48:41,219 --> 00:48:43,288 Anybody? 812 00:48:43,388 --> 00:48:45,090 You need help cleaning up, Dad? [ yells ] 813 00:48:46,992 --> 00:48:49,627 I'm in puke! Are you all right? 814 00:48:49,727 --> 00:48:54,099 Still need help cleaning up? No, you mopped it up enough with your back. 815 00:48:54,199 --> 00:48:56,067 [ vomits ] 816 00:48:56,167 --> 00:49:00,238 Oh, disgusting! Where's the Band-Aid? 817 00:49:00,338 --> 00:49:02,573 KIM: Dad, it still hurts. Oh, here, let me look. Let me look. 818 00:49:02,673 --> 00:49:05,110 Nora, where's that Band-- 819 00:49:05,210 --> 00:49:07,645 Jake put a bucket on Jessica's head, and it's stuck. 820 00:49:07,745 --> 00:49:09,580 And when they have a free moment, let my parents know that... 821 00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:12,283 I came by to tell 'em I got a job today at an ad agency. 822 00:49:12,383 --> 00:49:15,253 Nora-- Nora! 823 00:49:17,788 --> 00:49:20,558 Dad, a little help here! Nora! 824 00:49:20,658 --> 00:49:22,593 Nora! [ Gasping ] 825 00:49:22,693 --> 00:49:25,230 [ yells ] 826 00:49:26,731 --> 00:49:28,866 Are you all right? [ Groans ] 827 00:49:29,034 --> 00:49:31,369 You are in over your head, mister! I'm so sorry. 828 00:49:31,469 --> 00:49:34,039 I mean, I will-- I will call-- It's just my wife is out of town. 829 00:49:34,105 --> 00:49:36,207 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Come here. Come here. 830 00:49:36,307 --> 00:49:40,245 Dad, can I kill Jake now? No, you finish washing the car first. 831 00:49:40,345 --> 00:49:42,913 Dad, can you get this Band-Aid on me? Yes, yes. Come on. Come on. 832 00:49:43,048 --> 00:49:45,716 Let's go. Okay, come on. Everything will be all right. JESSICA: Oh, Jake? 833 00:49:45,816 --> 00:49:48,653 Give me the Band-Aid. That's the last time you put a bucket on my head! 834 00:49:48,753 --> 00:49:50,588 Does that hurt? Okay, good. [ Gunner barking ] 835 00:49:50,688 --> 00:49:53,724 There it is. All right, good. Good. [ telephone ringing ] 836 00:49:53,824 --> 00:49:55,893 NIGEL: Hey, Nigel, wanna play darts? 837 00:49:56,061 --> 00:49:58,329 No! No playing darts! I told you that! 838 00:50:00,065 --> 00:50:02,433 Hello? Hi. How's it goin'? 839 00:50:02,533 --> 00:50:05,670 Oh, everything's fine. I'm just, uh-- I'm just here. I'm just, uh, making dinner. 840 00:50:05,770 --> 00:50:07,338 Yeah. Dad, check me out! 841 00:50:07,438 --> 00:50:11,209 Isn't this awesome? [ Yelling ] How are you? 842 00:50:11,309 --> 00:50:13,244 Good, I guess. SARAH: Sorry, Dad! 843 00:50:13,344 --> 00:50:15,580 I mean, it's kind of weird having all this free time. 844 00:50:15,680 --> 00:50:19,016 You sure everything's all right, honey? Oh, honey, everything's fine. 845 00:50:19,117 --> 00:50:21,519 [ both yelling ] I can handle it. 846 00:50:21,619 --> 00:50:24,355 All right, you know, I'm just used to tag-teaming to manage the mob. 847 00:50:24,455 --> 00:50:26,957 So I thought-- Oh, no. They're like kittens. 848 00:50:27,058 --> 00:50:29,060 Whoa! SARAH: Sorry, Dad! 849 00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:31,296 Uh, well, this might be a good time then 850 00:50:31,396 --> 00:50:34,065 to talk about me staying a few extra days. 851 00:50:34,165 --> 00:50:37,702 What? A few extra days? Uh, 14, give or take. 852 00:50:37,802 --> 00:50:40,505 [ whispering loudly ] What did I say about throwing darts? 853 00:50:40,605 --> 00:50:43,974 That's a lot of days, Kate, and a couple of key games. 854 00:50:44,075 --> 00:50:46,477 All right, but I have a plan. If we just take it one day at a time... 855 00:50:46,577 --> 00:50:48,679 and if you start to get overwhelmed or the kids stage a coup, 856 00:50:48,779 --> 00:50:50,681 you call me up, I'm home, end of trip. 857 00:50:50,781 --> 00:50:54,119 Well, uh, s-s-sounds good. Sounds good. 858 00:50:54,219 --> 00:50:56,221 [ both giggling ] Got him in the face! 859 00:50:56,321 --> 00:50:59,757 Okay, honey, thanks for doin' this. Give me someone. 860 00:50:59,857 --> 00:51:04,295 Oh. Hey, uh, you know what? They're doing homework right now, 861 00:51:04,395 --> 00:51:08,399 and it's that math, uh, trig-- "trigadronomy" thing that you and I just aren't very good at. 862 00:51:08,499 --> 00:51:12,403 And it's the sweetest thing. They formed a little study group... 863 00:51:12,503 --> 00:51:15,973 and they're helping each other, and, uh, it's like a little mini, uh, 864 00:51:16,141 --> 00:51:19,744 think tank thing. [ Nigel, Kyle Laughing ] 865 00:51:19,844 --> 00:51:22,012 And I'd just hate to break that up. 866 00:51:22,147 --> 00:51:25,716 Well, give everyone my love, and you call me right after dinner, okay? 867 00:51:25,816 --> 00:51:27,618 Okay. Will do. Bye. [ glass shattering ] 868 00:51:27,718 --> 00:51:30,588 Bye. NIGEL: Come on, Dad. Don't hide in the closet. 869 00:51:30,688 --> 00:51:32,823 KYLE: Take it like a man! 870 00:51:32,923 --> 00:51:34,692 Two weeks'll go by in no time, guys. You'll see. 871 00:51:34,792 --> 00:51:37,328 [ Jessica, Kim ] Yeah, right! 872 00:51:37,428 --> 00:51:39,464 Yeah, right. 873 00:51:41,499 --> 00:51:43,934 [ knocking ] Yeah? 874 00:51:44,169 --> 00:51:45,670 Hey. What's up? 875 00:51:45,770 --> 00:51:47,805 Okay? Come in. 876 00:51:49,407 --> 00:51:52,377 [ clears throat ] 877 00:51:52,477 --> 00:51:55,346 Look, your mom's not coming home for a couple of weeks. 878 00:51:57,782 --> 00:52:00,017 What? 879 00:52:00,185 --> 00:52:03,588 Okay. Up till now, I've been, like, mellow... 880 00:52:03,688 --> 00:52:07,425 about this whole having-it-all lifestyle that you and Mom are currently into... 881 00:52:07,525 --> 00:52:10,461 "A," because Sarah has the drama queen role totally covered, 882 00:52:10,561 --> 00:52:14,299 and "B," because I've benefited from your salary spike... 883 00:52:14,399 --> 00:52:16,834 in various shallow but nonetheless pleasing ways. 884 00:52:16,934 --> 00:52:21,206 But, Dad, check it out. This afternoon, Mike was repelling from the roof, 885 00:52:21,306 --> 00:52:23,541 Nigel was using Kim as a human dartboard, 886 00:52:23,641 --> 00:52:25,776 and you employed your son as a vomit mop. 887 00:52:25,876 --> 00:52:30,248 Call me crazy, Pops, but things are getting pretty twisted around here. 888 00:52:31,216 --> 00:52:33,484 I need to hire some help. 889 00:52:33,584 --> 00:52:36,354 As in a babysitter? Okay, that is so not happening. 890 00:52:36,454 --> 00:52:39,224 Dad, just call Mom and tell her we need her back home. 891 00:52:39,324 --> 00:52:42,727 I just can't do that right now, not with all the work she's done. 892 00:52:42,827 --> 00:52:44,295 It just wouldn't be fair. 893 00:52:44,395 --> 00:52:47,097 Well, then why don't you spend more time at home? 894 00:52:47,232 --> 00:52:49,467 Honey, that's just not an option right now. 895 00:52:49,567 --> 00:52:52,370 I've got a big job, a job that I love. 896 00:52:52,470 --> 00:52:55,740 I'm gonna have to call in some backup. 897 00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:57,275 * Help I need somebody * 898 00:52:57,375 --> 00:52:59,810 * Help Not just anybody * 899 00:52:59,910 --> 00:53:02,247 * Help You know, I need someone * 900 00:53:02,347 --> 00:53:05,383 * Help TOM: Hello. 901 00:53:05,483 --> 00:53:08,553 Uh, my name is Tom Baker, and I'm interested in hiring a domestic helper. 902 00:53:09,787 --> 00:53:12,257 Um, I have 12 children. 903 00:53:14,725 --> 00:53:16,093 Actually, I'm serious. 904 00:53:16,294 --> 00:53:18,796 Just 12. Twelve. 905 00:53:18,896 --> 00:53:21,666 There's only two. Oh, plus 10. 906 00:53:21,766 --> 00:53:24,134 How many kids? Well, uh, when you get here we can just count 'em up. 907 00:53:24,269 --> 00:53:26,136 Well, there's 12. But one doesn't live with me, 908 00:53:26,271 --> 00:53:27,738 and one you never see 'cause he's so mad. 909 00:53:27,838 --> 00:53:30,275 Uh, a dozen? 910 00:53:30,308 --> 00:53:35,079 * And I do appreciate your being around * 911 00:53:35,813 --> 00:53:39,817 * Help me get my feet back on the ground * 912 00:53:39,917 --> 00:53:43,321 * Won't you please, please help me * Just-Just-Just 12. 913 00:53:43,421 --> 00:53:46,291 * Help me, help me * Hello. I'll just hang up on myself. 914 00:53:48,859 --> 00:53:50,695 ** [ Rock On Radio, Indistinct] 915 00:54:13,050 --> 00:54:14,952 Hey, Dad. Hey, Mike. What's up? 916 00:54:15,052 --> 00:54:18,188 It's Mark. Right. Mark. What's up? 917 00:54:18,323 --> 00:54:19,957 I don't get this math homework. 918 00:54:21,826 --> 00:54:24,795 Hey, you know what? I've got a game I'm not nearly prepared for. 919 00:54:24,895 --> 00:54:26,597 Could you go ask one of your sisters to help you? 920 00:54:26,697 --> 00:54:28,966 Yeah. Okay. 921 00:54:36,341 --> 00:54:39,344 [ groans ] Forget it. 922 00:54:44,515 --> 00:54:47,184 Hello. Yeah, could you do me a favor... 923 00:54:47,352 --> 00:54:50,721 and send up 12 pillows to 504? 924 00:54:51,956 --> 00:54:53,791 Yes. [ sighs ] 925 00:54:53,891 --> 00:54:56,126 Thank you. 926 00:54:56,361 --> 00:54:58,429 Mmm. That'll be good. 927 00:55:04,134 --> 00:55:06,504 "Hey, kids, I had to get to work. 928 00:55:06,604 --> 00:55:08,506 "Lorraine and Kim, you're in charge of breakfast. 929 00:55:08,606 --> 00:55:12,810 Henry and Jake, lunches. Charlie, handle drop-offs." 930 00:55:13,844 --> 00:55:16,280 [ bell ringing ] Come on, Charlie. We're gonna be late. 931 00:55:16,381 --> 00:55:19,517 Cute car seats, Baker. [ chuckles ] 932 00:55:19,617 --> 00:55:22,553 You know, we had to take our little brothers to nursery school, 933 00:55:22,653 --> 00:55:24,622 if that's okay with you. 934 00:55:24,722 --> 00:55:26,991 What happened? Did-Did Mommy and Daddy go back to the farm? 935 00:55:27,091 --> 00:55:30,995 You know what? This whole "harass the hick" thing's getting pretty old. 936 00:55:31,095 --> 00:55:32,797 Actually, I'm just gettin' started. 937 00:55:32,897 --> 00:55:34,665 Yeah? What else you got? Yeah. 938 00:55:34,765 --> 00:55:36,434 You don't wanna know, man. Oh, I wanna know. 939 00:55:36,534 --> 00:55:38,469 Charlie! Charlie, Charlie, stop. 940 00:55:38,569 --> 00:55:41,872 Stop. Just let it go, okay? Please. 941 00:55:41,972 --> 00:55:44,274 Yeah, Charlie. Let it go, and go... 942 00:55:44,409 --> 00:55:46,611 all the way back to Podunk. [ girl chuckles ] 943 00:55:46,711 --> 00:55:48,746 Charlie, go. Go. 944 00:55:48,846 --> 00:55:51,749 [ laughter ] 945 00:55:51,849 --> 00:55:55,319 ** [ Rap On Radio, Indistinct ] Hey, Gil, I got a real shot with this team. 946 00:55:55,420 --> 00:55:57,588 They're 2-0. They're rising in the national standings, 947 00:55:57,688 --> 00:55:59,289 and they're taking nothing for granted. 948 00:55:59,424 --> 00:56:03,093 Hey, Coach. Hey, teenager, what's up? 949 00:56:03,193 --> 00:56:05,596 We need to talk. Sure. 950 00:56:08,833 --> 00:56:12,437 Look, Dad, um-- Hey, guys, knock it off! 951 00:56:12,470 --> 00:56:13,671 BOY: All right, Coach! 952 00:56:15,272 --> 00:56:18,543 I know you're all lit up about this new job, 953 00:56:18,643 --> 00:56:22,312 but my new school-- The press is waiting, Bake! 954 00:56:22,447 --> 00:56:24,014 They're out there now? Yeah. Come on. Get dressed. 955 00:56:24,114 --> 00:56:25,115 Hey, can we do this later? 956 00:56:48,473 --> 00:56:50,741 Hey, kids. How was your day at school? 957 00:56:50,841 --> 00:56:55,646 I'd say the high point was that you're only 45 minutes late picking us up. 958 00:56:55,746 --> 00:56:57,181 Hey, you know what? There was a pep rally at school today. 959 00:56:57,281 --> 00:57:00,350 There were 20,000 people in the stands, and I just couldn't leave. 960 00:57:00,485 --> 00:57:03,554 Here. Hey, you did a drawing. 961 00:57:05,022 --> 00:57:06,891 "My favorite place in the world--" 962 00:57:10,961 --> 00:57:12,597 Is that the Midland house? 963 00:57:25,943 --> 00:57:27,578 President Gerhard and I have been waiting for a half an hour. 964 00:57:27,678 --> 00:57:29,780 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I had to-- 965 00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:31,248 I know you have responsibilities at home, Bake, but this is it. 966 00:57:31,348 --> 00:57:34,384 This is your shot, your moment, not theirs. 967 00:57:34,519 --> 00:57:36,887 What's the matter with you? What are you doing? 968 00:57:36,987 --> 00:57:39,857 You've wanted this for as long as I've known you. 969 00:57:39,957 --> 00:57:42,927 [ sighs ] I just don't want to see you blow it. 970 00:57:43,528 --> 00:57:45,930 I'll work something out. 971 00:57:46,030 --> 00:57:49,033 It's hard to believe someone as staggeringly beautiful as you... 972 00:57:49,133 --> 00:57:51,869 could deliver 12 children and still look as yummy as you do. 973 00:57:51,969 --> 00:57:55,673 [ laughing ] Oh, that's so sweet. 974 00:57:55,773 --> 00:57:58,643 I guess the camera can't see my hips. 975 00:57:58,743 --> 00:58:00,745 KELLY: Tell us, did you have them conventionally? 976 00:58:00,845 --> 00:58:01,912 [ audience laughing ] 977 00:58:04,014 --> 00:58:07,852 [ chuckles ] 978 00:58:07,952 --> 00:58:10,721 Well, uh, after the sixth one, they just kind of walked out. 979 00:58:10,821 --> 00:58:12,923 [ audience laughing ] 980 00:58:13,023 --> 00:58:14,825 Why don't you read us a little something from your book? 981 00:58:14,925 --> 00:58:17,695 Oh, I don't know. No. People can just buy it and then read it. 982 00:58:17,795 --> 00:58:21,198 Oh, come on. The audience wants it. 983 00:58:21,298 --> 00:58:24,434 [ audience cheering ] Oh, all right. Okay. 984 00:58:24,569 --> 00:58:26,637 [ clears throat ] "Some, uh, call me a mom. 985 00:58:26,737 --> 00:58:28,405 "Others call me a primary caregiver. 986 00:58:28,573 --> 00:58:31,742 But they both mean the same thing: chauffeur." 987 00:58:31,842 --> 00:58:34,745 You know, it sounds like you and your husband have things under control at home. 988 00:58:34,845 --> 00:58:37,081 Oh, well, I'm lucky to have him. We sure do. 989 00:58:37,181 --> 00:58:39,249 Kids, on the carpet! Now! 990 00:58:44,955 --> 00:58:47,725 [ gasps ] Dad! 991 00:58:47,825 --> 00:58:52,597 College guys? [ gasps, squeals ] 992 00:58:52,663 --> 00:58:54,665 What's goin' on here? Where's Charlie? 993 00:58:54,765 --> 00:58:58,468 He went to Midland for the day. Midland? It's a school day. 994 00:58:58,603 --> 00:59:01,872 He hates school. 'Course you couldn't know that 'cause you're never home. 995 00:59:04,008 --> 00:59:05,776 Well, that is about to change, Sarah Baker. 996 00:59:05,876 --> 00:59:08,746 Because since I can't go to work without you guys getting in trouble, 997 00:59:08,846 --> 00:59:11,616 and since I can't stay home without Shake bugging me, 998 00:59:11,716 --> 00:59:13,618 I have brought my work home with me. 999 00:59:13,684 --> 00:59:16,286 Guys, meet the family. Family, meet the team. 1000 00:59:16,386 --> 00:59:18,656 'Sup, boys? What's up? 1001 00:59:18,756 --> 00:59:21,692 Okay, we will be in the living room. We got a lot of work to do. 1002 00:59:21,792 --> 00:59:24,929 I don't want any interruptions unless it's an emergency. Clear? 1003 00:59:26,664 --> 00:59:28,733 Okay. Now go do your homework. Let's go, guys. 1004 00:59:34,639 --> 00:59:37,507 TOM: All right, first team, line up! * The faster we're falling 1005 00:59:37,642 --> 00:59:38,776 [ grunting ] * We're stopping and stalling * 1006 00:59:38,876 --> 00:59:40,444 Good. Good. Good. * We're running in circles again * 1007 00:59:40,544 --> 00:59:44,849 But you hit 'em too high. You wanna hit 'em low. ** [ continues, indistinct ] 1008 00:59:44,949 --> 00:59:46,851 [ indistinct shouting ] 1009 00:59:49,219 --> 00:59:51,822 Twenty-four. 1010 00:59:51,922 --> 00:59:54,759 * Maybe we're just trying too hard * 1011 00:59:54,859 --> 00:59:57,527 * But really it's closer than it is too far * 1012 00:59:57,662 --> 01:00:02,667 Dad, come on! * 'Cause I'm in too deep and I'm trying to keep * 1013 01:00:02,700 --> 01:00:07,171 * Up above in my head Hey, how's New York? 1014 01:00:07,271 --> 01:00:08,538 * Instead of going under 1015 01:00:08,639 --> 01:00:11,842 * 'Cause I'm in too deep and I'm trying to keep * 1016 01:00:11,942 --> 01:00:14,578 * Up above in my head [ together ] Hi. 1017 01:00:14,679 --> 01:00:16,313 * Instead of going under Okay, I've gotta go now. 1018 01:00:16,413 --> 01:00:20,384 * Instead of going under 1019 01:00:20,617 --> 01:00:23,220 I love you. 1020 01:00:23,320 --> 01:00:26,556 * Seems like each time I'm with you, I lose my mind * 1021 01:00:26,657 --> 01:00:31,561 * Because I'm bending over backwards to relate * 1022 01:00:31,662 --> 01:00:35,032 * It's one thing to complain but when you're driving me insane * 1023 01:00:35,132 --> 01:00:38,703 [ indistinct ] * Well, then I think it's time that we took a break * 1024 01:00:38,803 --> 01:00:42,639 [ grunting ] * Maybe we're just trying too hard * 1025 01:00:42,740 --> 01:00:46,911 * When really it's closer than it is too far * 1026 01:00:47,011 --> 01:00:49,346 [ indistinct ] * 'Cause I'm in too deep 1027 01:00:49,446 --> 01:00:50,647 [ laughing ] * And I'm trying to keep 1028 01:00:50,748 --> 01:00:55,820 * Up above in my head instead of going under * 1029 01:00:55,920 --> 01:01:00,657 * 'Cause I'm in too deep and I'm trying to keep * 1030 01:01:00,758 --> 01:01:04,294 * Up above in my head instead of going under * 1031 01:01:04,394 --> 01:01:08,232 [ laughing ] * Instead of going under 1032 01:01:08,332 --> 01:01:10,801 * Instead of going under 1033 01:01:12,269 --> 01:01:16,040 Step off, missy! 1034 01:01:16,140 --> 01:01:17,842 You don't talk that way unless it's with humor! 1035 01:01:20,745 --> 01:01:24,114 Something tells me you had an unpleasant interaction with those boys, Mark. 1036 01:01:24,214 --> 01:01:25,182 They knocked my glasses off. 1037 01:01:32,890 --> 01:01:34,591 I heard you were dissing my family. 1038 01:01:34,759 --> 01:01:36,426 I don't even know your family, loser. 1039 01:01:36,526 --> 01:01:39,163 You do now. My latte! 1040 01:01:39,263 --> 01:01:43,600 [ shouting ] * 'Cause I'm in too deep and I'm trying to keep * 1041 01:01:43,768 --> 01:01:47,604 * Up above in my head instead of going under * 1042 01:01:47,772 --> 01:01:52,042 * 'Cause I'm in too deep and I'm trying to keep * Coach, give us a quote. 1043 01:01:52,142 --> 01:01:54,879 * Up above in my head instead of going under * 1044 01:01:54,979 --> 01:02:00,217 * Instead of going under 1045 01:02:00,885 --> 01:02:02,419 Violence begets violence. * Instead of going under 1046 01:02:02,519 --> 01:02:07,557 * Instead of going under 1047 01:02:08,325 --> 01:02:09,994 * Instead of going under * 1048 01:02:10,094 --> 01:02:13,798 TOM: All right, enough is enough. 1049 01:02:13,831 --> 01:02:17,467 You're slacking on your chores. You're fighting at school. Things are out of control. 1050 01:02:17,567 --> 01:02:20,938 As of this moment, you are all grounded. 1051 01:02:21,038 --> 01:02:24,108 What's "grounded"? "What's grounded?" 1052 01:02:24,208 --> 01:02:27,812 I'll tell you what grounded is. Except for attending games, 1053 01:02:27,878 --> 01:02:30,047 you go to school; you come home from school; 1054 01:02:30,147 --> 01:02:32,817 you do your homework; you do your chores; 1055 01:02:32,850 --> 01:02:35,152 you go to bed; and that's it. 1056 01:02:35,252 --> 01:02:38,188 But that-- Oh, yes, Sarah, I know. That sucks. 1057 01:02:38,288 --> 01:02:41,826 But that's the way it is. Does this mean we can't go to Dylan's birthday party? 1058 01:02:41,926 --> 01:02:45,362 That's exactly what it means. We bought his presents already. 1059 01:02:45,462 --> 01:02:47,497 You are going to miss it! 1060 01:02:50,300 --> 01:02:51,235 Now, go to bed! 1061 01:03:25,235 --> 01:03:29,506 Hey, Gunner. Wanna get up on the bed, buddy? Huh? 1062 01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:31,909 Come on. [ groans ] 1063 01:03:35,279 --> 01:03:36,981 Come on. 1064 01:04:04,341 --> 01:04:08,712 * 1065 01:04:08,913 --> 01:04:10,080 [ quiet chattering ] 1066 01:04:13,383 --> 01:04:18,322 Hello. Next year, let's book the Mormon Tabernacle Choir too. 1067 01:04:20,357 --> 01:04:23,928 Whatever happened to pin the tail on the donkey? 1068 01:04:24,028 --> 01:04:26,964 And on the end around, the guard pulls. That means you, Buttler. 1069 01:04:28,365 --> 01:04:29,333 ** [ String Quartet ] 1070 01:04:48,418 --> 01:04:51,421 I'm going to Dylan's birthday party. Who's with me? 1071 01:04:51,521 --> 01:04:53,057 Yeah! 1072 01:05:14,278 --> 01:05:15,980 Hi-- Oh. 1073 01:05:23,287 --> 01:05:25,355 Brazilian mud viper. She gets one live rat a week. 1074 01:05:31,461 --> 01:05:34,064 Hey, Dylan. Wanna play catch with the football I got you? 1075 01:05:34,164 --> 01:05:36,833 Uh, my nanny'd have to check with my dad... 1076 01:05:37,001 --> 01:05:38,368 who'd have to check with my mom 1077 01:05:38,468 --> 01:05:41,205 who would say it was an inappropriate use of free time. 1078 01:05:41,305 --> 01:05:44,074 Hmm. Sounds like a "yes" to me. Go get it, Mike. 1079 01:05:54,651 --> 01:05:58,022 And, O'Neal, you gotta crack the first guy that shows outside. 1080 01:05:58,055 --> 01:05:59,856 [ Man Shouting ] Run, Billy! Run! 1081 01:06:00,024 --> 01:06:01,458 [ children screaming, shouting] 1082 01:06:01,558 --> 01:06:04,461 [ shouting continues ] 1083 01:06:11,535 --> 01:06:13,503 Kids? 1084 01:06:13,603 --> 01:06:14,671 [ shouting continues ] 1085 01:06:19,476 --> 01:06:21,045 [ hissing ] 1086 01:06:26,316 --> 01:06:28,052 [ laughing ] 1087 01:06:31,355 --> 01:06:33,423 Get my kids. I'll meet you at the house. 1088 01:06:33,523 --> 01:06:35,192 Ready! [ together ] Break! 1089 01:06:37,794 --> 01:06:41,165 [ laughing ] [ screaming ] 1090 01:06:49,806 --> 01:06:51,241 Sarah Baker, off, now! 1091 01:06:51,341 --> 01:06:54,311 No way! Don't make me come up there! 1092 01:07:06,823 --> 01:07:08,192 [ man yells ] 1093 01:07:20,237 --> 01:07:21,471 Oh, my God! It's gonna blow! 1094 01:07:21,571 --> 01:07:25,309 [ Tom screaming ] 1095 01:07:25,409 --> 01:07:27,677 [ grunts ] [ grunts ] 1096 01:07:27,777 --> 01:07:29,113 [ screaming continues ] 1097 01:07:33,750 --> 01:07:36,120 Aaaah! 1098 01:07:38,422 --> 01:07:39,989 [ screams ] 1099 01:07:40,124 --> 01:07:42,126 It was my best birthday ever, Coach. 1100 01:07:42,226 --> 01:07:44,328 Your children are never playing with Dylan again! 1101 01:07:44,428 --> 01:07:48,398 Sorry about your arm, Dylan. [ cell phone ringing ] 1102 01:07:48,498 --> 01:07:50,334 [ woman continues ranting ] Hello, Shake. 1103 01:07:50,434 --> 01:07:53,137 Any idea what this could do to my program? Don't speak. Listen. 1104 01:07:53,203 --> 01:07:54,271 I don't want the players at your house, 1105 01:07:54,371 --> 01:07:56,306 and I don't want your kids in the department. 1106 01:07:56,406 --> 01:08:00,144 MAN: There he is! Coach! Coach! How will this impact Saturday's game? 1107 01:08:00,244 --> 01:08:03,180 Coach, what do you have to say to reports that you're simply 1108 01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:05,615 spreading yourself too thin? Is this child care or football? 1109 01:08:05,715 --> 01:08:10,687 Sarah from Evanston, you're on with Kate Baker. Mom, it's Sarah. 1110 01:08:10,787 --> 01:08:13,490 Hi, Sarah. Is everything okay? 1111 01:08:13,590 --> 01:08:16,193 Come home immediately. I wanna talk to her! 1112 01:08:16,293 --> 01:08:17,394 No! Guys! [ children shouting ] 1113 01:08:17,494 --> 01:08:19,429 I wanna talk to her! [ all arguing ] 1114 01:08:19,529 --> 01:08:20,564 I wanna talk-- 1115 01:08:22,399 --> 01:08:24,000 Guys, stop! 1116 01:08:24,168 --> 01:08:26,903 [ line beeps ] Hello? 1117 01:08:27,171 --> 01:08:28,305 Now look what you did. 1118 01:08:35,445 --> 01:08:39,616 Dad? Oh, Nora. 1119 01:08:39,716 --> 01:08:42,619 Thanks for coming. Thank you, thank you. I appreciate it. 1120 01:08:42,719 --> 01:08:46,223 You seemed kind of desperate on the phone. Yeah. They're... everywhere. 1121 01:08:49,293 --> 01:08:51,195 You guys? 1122 01:09:06,210 --> 01:09:10,214 [ cell phone ringing ] 1123 01:09:10,247 --> 01:09:12,449 Hi. I just talked to the kids. 1124 01:09:13,517 --> 01:09:15,219 Yes, I know everything. Dylan's in the hospital. 1125 01:09:15,252 --> 01:09:16,520 Charlie's about to be expelled. 1126 01:09:16,620 --> 01:09:19,889 And Nora taking time off from her first job to babysit? 1127 01:09:19,989 --> 01:09:22,626 Can we do this later, Kate? No, Tom. 1128 01:09:22,726 --> 01:09:25,795 You promised me that you would let me know if you couldn't handle it. 1129 01:09:25,895 --> 01:09:30,234 I'm doing the best I can. Please, let's talk later. Bye. 1130 01:09:35,572 --> 01:09:40,244 What's the matter? The book tour's over for me. I'm going home. 1131 01:09:40,344 --> 01:09:41,445 [ sighs ] 1132 01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:45,249 [ Nora ] Get a move on, guys. We gotta get dinner on the table. 1133 01:09:48,051 --> 01:09:50,254 [ answering machine rewinding, beeping ] 1134 01:09:50,354 --> 01:09:53,357 [ Kate on machine ] Hi. It's me. Okay, I'm coming home. 1135 01:09:53,457 --> 01:09:54,758 Now, I know this is gonna be a big strain. 1136 01:09:54,858 --> 01:09:57,761 The publishing company arranged for the Oprah Winfrey Show 1137 01:09:57,861 --> 01:10:00,129 to tape at our house tomorrow, which is, you know, great, 1138 01:10:00,264 --> 01:10:02,332 but I'm really gonna need your help. 1139 01:10:02,432 --> 01:10:04,268 We're talking Bakers full force. 1140 01:10:04,368 --> 01:10:05,969 Boys, you clean up the outside; girls, the inside. 1141 01:10:06,069 --> 01:10:07,404 I want everybody in fancy, nice, clean clothes. 1142 01:10:07,504 --> 01:10:10,907 And, Tom, if you could please supervise this one last thing, 1143 01:10:11,007 --> 01:10:12,509 I would really appreciate it. 1144 01:10:12,609 --> 01:10:15,345 Okay? All right. Bye. [ machine beeps ] 1145 01:10:15,445 --> 01:10:17,514 Sounds like somebody got his jimmy whipped. 1146 01:10:19,949 --> 01:10:21,551 [ chuckles ] Jimmy whipped! 1147 01:10:23,853 --> 01:10:25,455 [ screams, groans ] 1148 01:10:28,758 --> 01:10:29,959 Mommy! 1149 01:10:33,530 --> 01:10:34,531 [ clattering ] 1150 01:10:43,873 --> 01:10:46,476 [ dog barking ] 1151 01:11:31,988 --> 01:11:33,423 [ croaks ] 1152 01:11:34,558 --> 01:11:37,361 Beans, you okay? 1153 01:11:41,765 --> 01:11:43,367 [ phone ringing ] 1154 01:11:43,433 --> 01:11:46,570 [ both yelling ] Go get dressed, guys. 1155 01:11:49,973 --> 01:11:51,708 [ Woman On P.A., Indistinct ] [ Tom On Phone ] Hello. 1156 01:11:51,808 --> 01:11:55,244 Oh, it's me. Yeah. My flight was delayed. They lost my luggage. 1157 01:11:55,379 --> 01:11:57,246 I'm gettin' there as soon as I can. Sorry. 1158 01:11:57,381 --> 01:12:00,617 Okay. Those are for Oprah's people! 1159 01:12:00,717 --> 01:12:03,820 Is the house clean? We're working on it, Kate. 1160 01:12:03,920 --> 01:12:06,390 Okay. I'll see you when I see you. [ phone beeps ] 1161 01:12:10,394 --> 01:12:11,561 Okay, guys, good job! Go inside and get cleaned up. 1162 01:12:11,661 --> 01:12:13,630 Come on! Hustle up! Hustle up! Let's go! 1163 01:12:22,772 --> 01:12:24,040 [ snoring ] 1164 01:12:24,140 --> 01:12:25,775 JAKE: Camera truck's here! 1165 01:12:34,484 --> 01:12:38,254 I need warm water! Look out, Dad! 1166 01:12:38,422 --> 01:12:41,425 Don't make a mess in the kitchen! 1167 01:12:41,491 --> 01:12:44,428 [ knocks ] Hello? Uh, Baker house? 1168 01:12:44,494 --> 01:12:46,430 Yeah. You guys from Oprah? Yes, sir. 1169 01:12:46,530 --> 01:12:48,732 She's really gonna be here? Any time now. 1170 01:12:48,832 --> 01:12:51,000 Okay, well, just, you know, set up anywhere. 1171 01:12:51,100 --> 01:12:54,103 Will do. Let's go, guys. 1172 01:12:56,540 --> 01:12:59,543 All right. Let's set up over here, guys. 1173 01:13:03,780 --> 01:13:07,517 [ Charlie ] Knock much? You got kicked off the team. 1174 01:13:07,617 --> 01:13:09,519 Well, look who decided to be a parent! 1175 01:13:09,619 --> 01:13:12,589 Let's check that attitude, Charlie. 1176 01:13:12,689 --> 01:13:16,660 I don't fit in this town, Dad. I'm going back to Midland. 1177 01:13:16,760 --> 01:13:19,996 You are not dropping out of school, and you are not walking out on this family. 1178 01:13:20,096 --> 01:13:22,466 What family? [ scoffs ] 1179 01:13:22,532 --> 01:13:24,468 Since we moved here, everybody's been looking out for number one, 1180 01:13:24,568 --> 01:13:26,603 especially you and Mom. 1181 01:13:26,703 --> 01:13:29,473 Your mother and I are doing what we think is best for everyone. 1182 01:13:29,573 --> 01:13:32,476 Whoa, whoa, whoa. You did not take this coaching job for us. 1183 01:13:32,509 --> 01:13:34,478 You took this because you were a loser in college 1184 01:13:34,578 --> 01:13:36,613 while Shake was being a superstar. 1185 01:13:36,713 --> 01:13:38,381 If you want your shot at glory, dad, 1186 01:13:38,482 --> 01:13:40,817 if you wanna have it all, you do what you gotta do. 1187 01:13:40,917 --> 01:13:44,654 But quit feeding us this line about being a happier and stronger family. 1188 01:13:44,754 --> 01:13:49,092 This move was about you! And you know what? 1189 01:13:50,560 --> 01:13:54,931 I don't have to sit here and pay the price for your life choices. I'm leaving. 1190 01:13:57,100 --> 01:14:00,036 You're staying. 1191 01:14:00,136 --> 01:14:01,905 Are you gonna make me? 1192 01:14:03,907 --> 01:14:07,844 Charlie, I love you. 1193 01:14:07,944 --> 01:14:11,648 I want you to have the best life you can have. 1194 01:14:11,748 --> 01:14:14,518 And that means you're getting a diploma. 1195 01:14:16,520 --> 01:14:18,855 When I graduate, I'm gone. 1196 01:14:25,862 --> 01:14:27,897 Hey, Charlie, am I looking okay for national TV? 1197 01:14:31,334 --> 01:14:35,238 You know, you turned into a jerk when we moved here! 1198 01:14:35,338 --> 01:14:38,842 [ door closes ] Everybody turned into a jerk when we moved here. 1199 01:14:45,782 --> 01:14:47,651 [ engine starts ] 1200 01:14:50,887 --> 01:14:52,556 Charlie? 1201 01:14:56,092 --> 01:14:58,161 LORRAINE: Mom's home! 1202 01:14:58,261 --> 01:14:59,996 Mommy! Mommy! 1203 01:15:02,799 --> 01:15:05,635 Mommy! Never go away again! Hi. 1204 01:15:05,735 --> 01:15:08,004 Mom, listen up. Here's the sizzle. I missed you, honey. 1205 01:15:08,104 --> 01:15:10,073 Okay, Dad is stressed to the point of a total meltdown. 1206 01:15:10,173 --> 01:15:12,709 Charlie's like a half a step away from juvie, and Mark's-- 1207 01:15:12,809 --> 01:15:15,579 Okay. Oprah's coming. We'll talk about it later. Here we go. 1208 01:15:15,679 --> 01:15:18,081 Whatever. I just wanna get everything ready. 1209 01:15:18,181 --> 01:15:21,585 What's the deal with Charlie? Fine, thanks. How are you? 1210 01:15:21,651 --> 01:15:24,487 I'm sorry. Hi. Hi. Charlie got kicked off the football team. 1211 01:15:24,588 --> 01:15:26,856 What? Don't worry. I'm handling it. 1212 01:15:26,956 --> 01:15:29,726 [ knocking ] [ sighs ] 1213 01:15:31,294 --> 01:15:35,231 Shake. President Gerhard. 1214 01:15:35,331 --> 01:15:37,300 Tom. Tom, we need a minute. 1215 01:15:37,400 --> 01:15:39,803 [ croaking ] Please don't die, Beans. 1216 01:15:42,138 --> 01:15:45,141 The university is prepared to make an investment in the program, 1217 01:15:45,241 --> 01:15:46,209 but we want some assurances. 1218 01:15:46,309 --> 01:15:47,944 What does that mean? 1219 01:15:48,044 --> 01:15:52,048 We wanna know you're committed to the football program. 1220 01:15:52,148 --> 01:15:56,285 You have to decide who's making the bacon and who's cooking it. 1221 01:15:56,385 --> 01:15:57,353 [ Shake ] So what's it gonna be, Tom? 1222 01:15:57,453 --> 01:16:01,057 Tom, didn't you pick up my dry cleaning? 1223 01:16:01,157 --> 01:16:03,727 Yes, dear. It's in the front closet. 1224 01:16:03,827 --> 01:16:04,861 Well, I guess the wife just answered our question. 1225 01:16:06,896 --> 01:16:09,966 The wife's name is Kate, Shake. 1226 01:16:11,635 --> 01:16:12,969 What a wiener. 1227 01:16:16,640 --> 01:16:18,742 We want an answer by Monday, Tom. This meeting's over. 1228 01:16:29,385 --> 01:16:30,353 [ toys squeaking ] 1229 01:16:30,654 --> 01:16:32,288 I'm all right. 1230 01:16:37,426 --> 01:16:39,395 [ Doll's Voice ] I love you. 1231 01:16:39,663 --> 01:16:40,697 I'm gonna go get ready. 1232 01:16:42,666 --> 01:16:45,669 [ gasps ] Sorry, Dad. 1233 01:16:53,677 --> 01:16:55,879 What's this? 1234 01:16:55,979 --> 01:16:58,782 Hank slept over. Do you have a problem with that? 1235 01:16:58,882 --> 01:17:02,151 Yes, I have a problem with that! This house is G-rated. 1236 01:17:02,251 --> 01:17:04,688 Whoa, chief. Look, Nora's a big girl. 1237 01:17:04,721 --> 01:17:08,291 Now would be an excellent time... 1238 01:17:08,391 --> 01:17:12,028 for you to be very, very quiet, 1239 01:17:12,128 --> 01:17:13,930 chief. 1240 01:17:15,732 --> 01:17:16,966 Now, get dressed and get downstairs. 1241 01:17:19,302 --> 01:17:20,970 Whoa. 1242 01:17:24,774 --> 01:17:27,711 I just-- I can't believe you let things get this bad around here. 1243 01:17:27,777 --> 01:17:29,045 I can't believe it. What can I say? 1244 01:17:29,145 --> 01:17:30,880 You didn't pick the perfect moment to have a career. 1245 01:17:30,980 --> 01:17:34,050 Oh, okay, yeah. I'm not even gonna touch that hypocrisy. 1246 01:17:34,150 --> 01:17:37,120 You told me to go to New York. Mr. I Can Handle It. 1247 01:17:37,220 --> 01:17:40,924 "Everything'll be okay. Go, Kate!" Help me, would you? 1248 01:17:41,024 --> 01:17:44,393 So you're telling me you didn't want to go to New York? 1249 01:17:44,493 --> 01:17:47,230 No. I want a lot of things. So do you. 1250 01:17:47,330 --> 01:17:50,033 That's the problem. This isn't working. 1251 01:17:50,133 --> 01:17:54,738 Yeah. That's my point. I meant the zipper. 1252 01:18:00,143 --> 01:18:03,012 Let's just get through the next hour, okay? 1253 01:18:03,112 --> 01:18:04,113 Fine. Fine. 1254 01:18:07,150 --> 01:18:10,186 KATE: Okay, everybody. I know it's been a difficult day, 1255 01:18:10,286 --> 01:18:14,590 but I need all of you, and I would appreciate it if you could just put on happy faces. 1256 01:18:14,758 --> 01:18:16,125 Everything's great. We're a big, happy family. 1257 01:18:16,225 --> 01:18:18,795 If you can remember the lines I told you to say to Oprah. 1258 01:18:18,895 --> 01:18:20,629 Love your hair, things like that- 1259 01:18:20,764 --> 01:18:22,665 If you can't remember, don't say anything. Big smiles. Let me see 'em. 1260 01:18:22,766 --> 01:18:25,969 Mom, Beans is dead. 1261 01:18:26,069 --> 01:18:29,205 Nobody cares about your stupid frog, FedEx. Okay. 1262 01:18:29,305 --> 01:18:31,808 Stop calling me that! 1263 01:18:31,908 --> 01:18:36,212 [ children yelling ] Don't you dare call him that! 1264 01:18:36,312 --> 01:18:39,482 [ yelling continues ] 1265 01:18:39,582 --> 01:18:42,251 TOM: All right! Hey! Stop it! Stop it! 1266 01:18:42,351 --> 01:18:43,619 What's the name of this segment again? 1267 01:18:43,787 --> 01:18:46,990 Uh, "One Big Happy Family." 1268 01:18:47,090 --> 01:18:49,793 Okay, I'm calling Oprah's people right now. 1269 01:18:49,893 --> 01:18:52,461 All I'm saying is, families are inevitable. 1270 01:18:52,561 --> 01:18:54,430 It's like death or taxes. 1271 01:18:55,832 --> 01:18:58,234 Does that mean you don't want children? 1272 01:18:58,334 --> 01:19:00,469 KATE: Leave him alone! Hello! 1273 01:19:00,569 --> 01:19:03,439 Look at these-- They're monsters! 1274 01:19:03,539 --> 01:19:07,977 [ yelling continues ] Honey, you can't want this. That's why you're with me. 1275 01:19:10,479 --> 01:19:13,482 Nora! Come on! We need you down here! 1276 01:19:13,582 --> 01:19:14,984 LORRAINE: You're stepping on me! Stop! 1277 01:19:15,084 --> 01:19:16,820 KATE: Nigel, get off your brother's head! 1278 01:19:18,822 --> 01:19:21,825 Get off me! Nobody cares about me! 1279 01:19:21,858 --> 01:19:23,426 Nobody cares about me! Mark, what's going on? 1280 01:19:23,526 --> 01:19:26,129 Mark! Mark! 1281 01:19:26,229 --> 01:19:27,964 What are you talking about? I'm perfect! 1282 01:19:28,064 --> 01:19:31,167 I've never done anything like this before! No! None of that! 1283 01:19:31,267 --> 01:19:35,504 Hey! Hey! No, you do not want to come down here. 1284 01:19:35,604 --> 01:19:38,207 No, it's the farthest thing from a happy family. 1285 01:19:38,307 --> 01:19:40,143 [ yelling continues ] 1286 01:19:40,243 --> 01:19:42,245 Why am I the only normal person in the family? 1287 01:20:16,379 --> 01:20:17,346 Feel free to sleep on the couch. 1288 01:20:17,446 --> 01:20:21,184 You read my mind. 1289 01:20:21,284 --> 01:20:25,188 Daddy, are you and Mommy gonna get a divorce? 1290 01:20:28,591 --> 01:20:32,261 Come here. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1291 01:20:32,361 --> 01:20:34,163 Mark's gone. 1292 01:20:38,467 --> 01:20:40,436 [ knocking ] 1293 01:20:40,536 --> 01:20:42,371 Mark's gone. What? 1294 01:20:42,471 --> 01:20:44,007 Hey, Dad. 1295 01:20:45,841 --> 01:20:48,444 What I said before-- I was out of line. 1296 01:20:48,544 --> 01:20:51,014 Forget it. 1297 01:20:51,114 --> 01:20:53,883 You were right. 1298 01:20:56,652 --> 01:21:00,256 [ Gunner barking ] [ children yelling ] Mark! 1299 01:21:09,065 --> 01:21:12,601 [ phone ringing ] Hello. 1300 01:21:12,701 --> 01:21:13,802 Hey, Mark ran away. Is he with you? 1301 01:21:13,937 --> 01:21:16,940 No. We'll come help you look. 1302 01:21:21,577 --> 01:21:25,681 There's me! Oh. [ chuckles ] 1303 01:21:25,949 --> 01:21:28,417 Mark's missing. Oh. 1304 01:21:28,517 --> 01:21:31,320 [ TV Narrator ] Take it to the max. Tommy Max. 1305 01:21:31,420 --> 01:21:33,489 Let's go. 1306 01:21:33,589 --> 01:21:35,324 I look great. 1307 01:21:37,126 --> 01:21:39,996 Did you not hear me? My brother is missing! 1308 01:21:40,096 --> 01:21:42,198 No. Did you not hear me? I'm on TV! 1309 01:21:49,572 --> 01:21:50,974 What was that for? 1310 01:21:54,410 --> 01:21:56,212 Oh. What do you want? 1311 01:21:56,312 --> 01:21:58,982 My son Mark ran away. He's not here, is he? 1312 01:21:59,082 --> 01:22:02,018 I always knew one of your kids would land on a milk carton. 1313 01:22:02,118 --> 01:22:04,053 Twelve is just too big a number. 1314 01:22:04,153 --> 01:22:08,124 We'll help you look for him. It's-It's past Dylan's bedtime. 1315 01:22:09,625 --> 01:22:12,428 We're gonna look for him, Tina. 1316 01:22:12,528 --> 01:22:14,130 Thank you. Sure. 1317 01:22:16,099 --> 01:22:19,335 Let the police handle it! You'll never find him! 1318 01:22:19,435 --> 01:22:22,005 Oh, we'll find him. Like you said, 12's a big number. 1319 01:22:23,072 --> 01:22:27,043 Mark! Mark! Mark! 1320 01:22:27,143 --> 01:22:30,179 He's about, about-- about that high. 1321 01:22:30,279 --> 01:22:32,348 He's got red hair and glasses. There's a photo, and you can keep that. 1322 01:22:34,017 --> 01:22:36,385 No luck. I've been everywhere. 1323 01:22:38,021 --> 01:22:40,089 Thanks for looking. 1324 01:22:40,189 --> 01:22:43,159 Where's Hank? He's not gonna make the cut. 1325 01:22:45,028 --> 01:22:46,129 I hope the family isn't to blame. 1326 01:22:48,664 --> 01:22:50,666 They're totally to blame. 1327 01:22:54,803 --> 01:22:57,140 I'll have officers check the train and bus stations. 1328 01:22:57,240 --> 01:23:00,543 He wouldn't get on a train or a bus. He might've. 1329 01:23:00,643 --> 01:23:03,046 Those times when I ran away from Midland, I was gonna go to Chicago. 1330 01:23:03,079 --> 01:23:04,347 My favorite place in the world. 1331 01:23:08,784 --> 01:23:10,886 Your favorite place in the world. 1332 01:23:11,054 --> 01:23:13,756 [ man On P.A., indistinct ] 1333 01:23:14,057 --> 01:23:15,124 [ chattering ] 1334 01:23:19,695 --> 01:23:21,064 [ train whistle blowing ] 1335 01:24:02,305 --> 01:24:06,742 You said we'd be happier. You didn't keep your promise. 1336 01:24:07,510 --> 01:24:10,379 I know. I'm sorry. 1337 01:24:13,882 --> 01:24:16,452 [ train whistle blows ] 1338 01:25:02,765 --> 01:25:05,234 Mom! 1339 01:25:05,334 --> 01:25:09,172 Oh, honey! Oh! 1340 01:25:09,238 --> 01:25:13,041 [ laughs ] Oh, we missed you, sweetheart. 1341 01:25:13,176 --> 01:25:15,678 Do that again, I'm going to have to pound you. 1342 01:25:15,778 --> 01:25:19,482 But I thought I was FedEx. Your eccentricities and vision problems... 1343 01:25:19,582 --> 01:25:21,184 are genetic traits that could be attributed 1344 01:25:21,250 --> 01:25:24,287 to any number of the Baker ancestors. 1345 01:25:24,387 --> 01:25:27,790 Yeah. Without you, we wouldn't be the 12 Bakers anymore. 1346 01:25:27,890 --> 01:25:31,694 We'd be, like, 11. 1347 01:25:31,794 --> 01:25:34,630 I figured everybody hated me like Sarah and Lorraine hate each other. 1348 01:25:36,999 --> 01:25:38,901 There are times when I want to kill Sarah, 1349 01:25:39,001 --> 01:25:43,206 but I'd kill for her all the time. 1350 01:25:43,306 --> 01:25:46,309 Come here, cutie. [ all laughing ] 1351 01:25:56,519 --> 01:26:00,356 Tom? You wanna say something? A few words? 1352 01:26:00,456 --> 01:26:02,325 Sure. 1353 01:26:03,759 --> 01:26:06,295 Beans was a good frog. 1354 01:26:10,999 --> 01:26:15,238 He was, uh, not like a lot of the bad frogs... 1355 01:26:15,304 --> 01:26:18,574 you hear about today, all hopped up. 1356 01:26:18,674 --> 01:26:22,945 [ chuckles ] He was lovable. He was almost human. 1357 01:26:23,045 --> 01:26:26,114 He was like, uh, one of the family. 1358 01:26:26,249 --> 01:26:29,685 Except that, of course, he was green and he ate flies. 1359 01:26:31,687 --> 01:26:34,423 But he was a hopper. 1360 01:26:34,523 --> 01:26:38,561 He hipped and he hopped. 1361 01:26:40,529 --> 01:26:42,465 He loved hip-hop. 1362 01:26:46,335 --> 01:26:48,271 Mark, why don't you-- I think you should say something. 1363 01:26:49,805 --> 01:26:53,909 For a long time, you were the only person I could talk to. 1364 01:26:54,009 --> 01:26:56,445 That's different now. 1365 01:26:56,545 --> 01:26:58,681 But you're the one who got me through. 1366 01:26:58,781 --> 01:27:01,284 Thanks. 1367 01:27:45,060 --> 01:27:46,962 I'm resigning after the season, Shake. 1368 01:27:50,433 --> 01:27:52,801 Giving up the dream, huh? 1369 01:27:52,901 --> 01:27:54,870 Just going with a different one. 1370 01:27:54,970 --> 01:27:56,872 No regrets? 1371 01:27:56,972 --> 01:27:59,842 If I screw up raising my kids, 1372 01:27:59,942 --> 01:28:01,544 nothing I achieve will matter much. 1373 01:28:04,480 --> 01:28:05,714 Thank you. 1374 01:28:08,584 --> 01:28:10,719 We'll make an announcement at the end of the week. 1375 01:28:15,858 --> 01:28:18,361 Come on. Keep the assembly line up here. We gotta get this done. 1376 01:28:20,062 --> 01:28:22,365 Where's Dad? He went to the game. 1377 01:28:22,465 --> 01:28:24,833 Why didn't he ask us to go? 1378 01:28:24,933 --> 01:28:27,536 Because... 1379 01:28:27,636 --> 01:28:30,005 he didn't want you to be there on the day that he quits his job. 1380 01:28:30,105 --> 01:28:32,608 He's quitting his job? Mm-hmm. 1381 01:28:32,708 --> 01:28:36,244 What would we have to do so he wouldn't quit? I'll give up clarinet lessons. 1382 01:28:36,379 --> 01:28:39,448 I'll go back to hand-me-downs. [ all talking at once ] 1383 01:28:41,384 --> 01:28:44,086 Okay, ease up. Everybody listen. 1384 01:28:44,186 --> 01:28:46,489 Dad's a big boy, and he makes his own decisions, 1385 01:28:46,589 --> 01:28:49,925 and he's doing this because it's what he wants. 1386 01:28:50,025 --> 01:28:53,529 In that case, I totally take back what I said about the hand-me-downs. 1387 01:28:53,629 --> 01:28:57,032 I thought so. Anybody else wanna take back their offer? 1388 01:28:57,132 --> 01:28:59,101 Yeah, there we go. [ chuckles ] 1389 01:30:31,159 --> 01:30:33,596 [ Kate Narrating ] I guess you could say that when Tom and I left Midland, 1390 01:30:33,696 --> 01:30:36,599 we had a mess of theories about how to raise children. 1391 01:30:36,699 --> 01:30:39,668 We still have a mess of children, but no theories. 1392 01:30:43,438 --> 01:30:44,940 Sure, 12 is still our number. 1393 01:30:47,209 --> 01:30:51,780 It's the number of months my book was on the best-seller list. 1394 01:30:51,880 --> 01:30:56,284 It's the number of job offers Tom turned down before we found one close to home. 1395 01:30:56,485 --> 01:30:58,887 Hike! [ all yelling ] 1396 01:31:03,759 --> 01:31:07,996 And each day, it's the number of times I'm thankfulte 1397 01:31:08,096 --> 01:31:11,433 ** 1398 01:31:11,534 --> 01:31:14,136 [ Chattering ] * Rockin' around the Christmas tree * 1399 01:31:14,236 --> 01:31:18,440 * At the Christmas party hop 1400 01:31:18,541 --> 01:31:20,943 * Mistletoe hung where you can see * 1401 01:31:21,043 --> 01:31:24,279 * Every couple tries to stop 1402 01:31:24,379 --> 01:31:27,550 * Rockin' around the Christmas tree * 1403 01:31:27,583 --> 01:31:30,719 * Let the Christmas spirit ring * 1404 01:31:30,819 --> 01:31:34,189 * Later we'll have some pumpkin pie * 1405 01:31:34,289 --> 01:31:38,627 * And we'll do some caroling 1406 01:31:38,727 --> 01:31:41,129 * You will get a sentimental 1407 01:31:41,229 --> 01:31:44,667 * Feeling when you hear 1408 01:31:44,767 --> 01:31:48,737 * Voices singing "Let's be jolly" * 1409 01:31:48,837 --> 01:31:51,640 * Deck the halls with boughs of holly * 1410 01:31:51,740 --> 01:31:54,442 * Rockin' around the Christmas tree * 1411 01:31:54,577 --> 01:31:58,046 * Have a happy holiday 1412 01:31:58,146 --> 01:32:01,483 * Everyone's dancin' merrily 1413 01:32:01,584 --> 01:32:05,020 * In the new old-fashioned way ** 1414 01:32:05,120 --> 01:32:07,590 [ Rock music playing ] * He rocks in the treetops all day long * 1415 01:32:07,690 --> 01:32:10,258 * Hoppin' and a-boppin' and singin' his song * 1416 01:32:10,358 --> 01:32:13,061 * All the little birdies on Jaybird Street * What happened to you? 1417 01:32:13,161 --> 01:32:15,263 * Love to hear the robin goin' tweet, tweet, tweet * Oh, my God! 1418 01:32:15,363 --> 01:32:18,500 * Rockin' robin, rock, rock [ laughing ] 1419 01:32:18,601 --> 01:32:21,036 * Rockin' robin Save the eggs! 1420 01:32:21,136 --> 01:32:25,107 * Blow, rockin' robin 'cause you're really gonna rock tonight * 1421 01:32:25,207 --> 01:32:26,609 Yeah, you got room for all your- 1422 01:32:26,709 --> 01:32:28,711 for all your big old family in that new apartment? 1423 01:32:28,811 --> 01:32:31,246 DIRECTOR: You're on camera, Steve. Sorry. I am. 1424 01:32:31,346 --> 01:32:33,616 You idiot. I'm sorry. 1425 01:32:33,716 --> 01:32:35,784 Yeah, you got room in your new apartment for that-- 1426 01:32:37,620 --> 01:32:39,221 Battleax of a wife of mine? 1427 01:32:39,321 --> 01:32:41,624 You got-- 1428 01:32:41,657 --> 01:32:43,626 DIRECTOR: Act angry, not grumpy. 1429 01:32:43,726 --> 01:32:45,794 I really am grumpy. Well, that's good. 1430 01:32:47,630 --> 01:32:48,964 Two times? Two times. Ready? 1431 01:32:49,064 --> 01:32:50,899 Then going outside? Yeah. 1432 01:32:50,999 --> 01:32:52,635 Actually, we're almost done, so let's do it. 1433 01:32:52,735 --> 01:32:54,803 On your mark, get set, go! 1434 01:32:54,903 --> 01:32:57,172 [ together ] I don't wanna move! I don't wanna move! 1435 01:32:57,272 --> 01:32:59,675 Cut. Good job. Okay? 1436 01:32:59,775 --> 01:33:03,646 I listened-- I listened the "goodest." 1437 01:33:06,749 --> 01:33:08,751 I don't wanna do it anymore. 1438 01:33:08,851 --> 01:33:10,653 One more time. Last one and you're outta here. 1439 01:33:12,354 --> 01:33:15,123 [ frog croaking ] Cut! Cut! Cut! 1440 01:33:15,223 --> 01:33:17,492 Somebody help me! Help me! 1441 01:33:17,660 --> 01:33:20,395 Whoa! Just for the record, Mom-- 1442 01:33:20,495 --> 01:33:23,331 Be careful, pally. Slow down on that stuff. 1443 01:33:23,431 --> 01:33:24,733 You're not gonna remember a damn thing in school 1444 01:33:24,833 --> 01:33:28,170 if you suck 'em back like I do. 1445 01:33:28,270 --> 01:33:30,305 Now, on the end around the guard pulls. 1446 01:33:30,405 --> 01:33:34,843 That means you, Buttler. Whoa. 1447 01:33:34,943 --> 01:33:36,378 Cut! [ all laughing ] 1448 01:33:37,813 --> 01:33:39,815 Action! Frankly, I'm concerned. 1449 01:33:39,915 --> 01:33:42,685 I go around those kids, they start beatin' on me. 1450 01:33:42,751 --> 01:33:44,953 What if I get a black eye? [ laughs ] 1451 01:33:45,053 --> 01:33:49,391 Frankly, I'm concerned, honey. The kids set me on fire, they beat me. 1452 01:33:50,693 --> 01:33:52,560 They're abusive. [ laughing ] 1453 01:33:52,695 --> 01:33:55,263 This is how I get jobs, right here! 1454 01:33:55,363 --> 01:33:57,866 I'm sorry. I looked at myself in the camera. 1455 01:33:57,966 --> 01:34:00,102 I'm so-- good-looking. They set me on fire! 1456 01:34:00,202 --> 01:34:01,569 Sounds good to me. 1457 01:34:01,704 --> 01:34:03,571 All the kids wrapped in duct tape. 1458 01:34:03,706 --> 01:34:06,374 Maybe we can just roll, roll ourselves in duct tape, 1459 01:34:06,474 --> 01:34:08,811 and then I can just roll you across the floor. 1460 01:34:08,911 --> 01:34:10,879 Together, maybe. 1461 01:34:10,979 --> 01:34:13,015 [ laughter ] 1462 01:34:16,985 --> 01:34:18,053 Ow! 1463 01:34:18,153 --> 01:34:20,055 Ooo! 1464 01:34:20,155 --> 01:34:22,725 * 1465 01:34:35,470 --> 01:34:38,240 * What wishes will you make 1466 01:34:38,340 --> 01:34:41,243 * When the season is near 1467 01:34:41,343 --> 01:34:43,278 * Will your dreams be the same * 1468 01:34:43,378 --> 01:34:45,748 * As they were last year 1469 01:34:45,781 --> 01:34:48,183 * Will you ask for a little 1470 01:34:48,283 --> 01:34:50,753 * Will you ask for a lot 1471 01:34:50,786 --> 01:34:52,921 * And when you make your list 1472 01:34:53,021 --> 01:34:55,590 * Will there be something you forgot * 1473 01:34:55,758 --> 01:34:58,326 * How about peace on Earth 1474 01:34:58,426 --> 01:35:00,628 * It can't be bought or sold 1475 01:35:00,763 --> 01:35:03,431 * How about peace this Christmas * 1476 01:35:03,531 --> 01:35:05,768 * And someone's hand to hold 1477 01:35:05,868 --> 01:35:08,636 * How about love in our hearts * 1478 01:35:08,771 --> 01:35:10,773 * And hope for you and me 1479 01:35:10,806 --> 01:35:14,442 * How about peace on Earth 1480 01:35:14,542 --> 01:35:17,412 * That's what Christmas should be * 1481 01:35:20,816 --> 01:35:23,786 * You can get all the things 1482 01:35:23,852 --> 01:35:26,121 * That you've been waiting for * 1483 01:35:26,221 --> 01:35:28,390 * Snowfall and presents 1484 01:35:28,490 --> 01:35:30,793 * Choirs singing at your door 1485 01:35:30,893 --> 01:35:33,428 * This season will be perfect 1486 01:35:33,528 --> 01:35:36,331 * Like those picture postcard scenes * 1487 01:35:36,431 --> 01:35:38,801 * But is that the answer 1488 01:35:38,867 --> 01:35:41,136 * Is that what Christmas really means * 1489 01:35:41,236 --> 01:35:43,806 * How about peace on Earth 1490 01:35:43,839 --> 01:35:45,941 * It can't be bought or sold 1491 01:35:46,041 --> 01:35:48,911 * How about peace this Christmas * 1492 01:35:49,011 --> 01:35:51,246 * And someone's hand to hold 1493 01:35:51,346 --> 01:35:53,849 * How about love in our hearts * 1494 01:35:53,949 --> 01:35:55,851 * And hope for you and me 1495 01:35:55,951 --> 01:35:59,822 * How about peace on Earth 1496 01:35:59,855 --> 01:36:02,657 * And that's what Christmas should be * 1497 01:36:02,825 --> 01:36:05,660 * What would you sacrifice 1498 01:36:05,828 --> 01:36:10,198 * What would you give away 1499 01:36:13,435 --> 01:36:16,404 * For the greatest gift of all * 1500 01:36:16,504 --> 01:36:21,543 * On Christmas Day 1501 01:36:24,546 --> 01:36:26,714 * How about peace on Earth 1502 01:36:26,849 --> 01:36:29,551 * It can't be bought or sold 1503 01:36:29,651 --> 01:36:31,854 * How about peace this Christmas * 1504 01:36:31,954 --> 01:36:33,856 * And someone's hand to hold 1505 01:36:33,956 --> 01:36:36,859 * How about love in our hearts * 1506 01:36:36,892 --> 01:36:38,894 * And hope for you and me 1507 01:36:38,994 --> 01:36:43,465 * How about peace on Earth 1508 01:36:43,565 --> 01:36:46,734 * How about peace on Earth 1509 01:36:46,869 --> 01:36:48,971 * It can't be bought or sold 1510 01:36:49,071 --> 01:36:51,940 * How about peace this Christmas * 1511 01:36:52,040 --> 01:36:54,342 * And someone's hand to hold 1512 01:36:54,442 --> 01:36:57,379 * How about love in our hearts * 1513 01:36:57,479 --> 01:36:59,381 * And hope for you and me 1514 01:36:59,481 --> 01:37:02,517 * How about peace on Earth 1515 01:37:02,617 --> 01:37:04,752 * Peace on Earth 1516 01:37:04,887 --> 01:37:07,990 * How about peace on Earth 1517 01:37:08,090 --> 01:37:13,228 * That's what Christmas should be * 1518 01:37:13,495 --> 01:37:17,465 * Christmas Day * 1519 01:37:17,565 --> 01:37:20,903 * Christmas Day * 1520 01:37:27,976 --> 01:37:29,978 [ instrumental playing ] 1521 01:37:50,933 --> 01:37:52,600 * 1522 01:38:47,389 --> 01:38:50,092 **