1 00:00:26,377 --> 00:00:29,047 [ Rock ] 2 00:00:58,993 --> 00:01:01,454 Good morning, Tom. 3 00:01:13,716 --> 00:01:16,094 [ Woman Narrating ] Twelve is our number. 4 00:01:16,135 --> 00:01:20,098 It's the number of games my husband Tom coaches at Lincoln College every season. 5 00:01:20,139 --> 00:01:24,060 It's the number of times we zero out our bank account each year to make ends meet. 6 00:01:24,102 --> 00:01:27,730 And it's the number of kids we try to keep track of. 7 00:01:32,777 --> 00:01:35,905 - [ Sighs ] - Hey. Good run? 8 00:01:35,947 --> 00:01:38,741 Oh, yeah. [ Groans ] 9 00:01:38,825 --> 00:01:41,286 You need a paramedic? 10 00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:44,664 No, just a pair of knees. You finish? 11 00:01:44,747 --> 00:01:48,418 Still proofing, but I'm sending it to Diane today. 12 00:01:48,501 --> 00:01:50,837 Look at this. New, clean cover... 13 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,464 no peanut butter stains... yet. 14 00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:56,801 - Hey, baby? - Baby? 15 00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:59,929 You know, on the run, you know what I was thinking? 16 00:01:59,971 --> 00:02:02,473 What? 17 00:02:03,683 --> 00:02:07,645 Well, we've been married, what, five years? 18 00:02:07,729 --> 00:02:10,356 - Twenty-three. - [ Groans ] Twenty-three. Sorry. 19 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:13,651 And I think we could use a little change around here... 20 00:02:13,735 --> 00:02:15,778 like-like this lumpy old mattress. 21 00:02:15,862 --> 00:02:18,573 - Maybe we should just, you know, get rid of it. - [ Giggling ] 22 00:02:18,656 --> 00:02:21,951 Don't be ridiculous, honey. You know you can just pound the lumps out of a mattress. 23 00:02:22,035 --> 00:02:25,496 What-What do you mean? You can just pound the lumps out of a mattress? 24 00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:27,915 Yeah, just randomly start swatting away. 25 00:02:27,999 --> 00:02:29,917 - And it goes flat? - Yes, yes. 26 00:02:30,001 --> 00:02:32,712 Just start-- You just randomly start swatting-- 27 00:02:35,673 --> 00:02:39,135 [ Shouting, Laughing ] 28 00:02:39,177 --> 00:02:41,179 Careful. 29 00:02:45,058 --> 00:02:47,518 - I got a dog on me! - [ Woman Narrating ] Twelve's an insane number of kids... 30 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:51,022 but having a small family was never an option for us. 31 00:02:51,064 --> 00:02:55,693 See, Tom loved growing up with seven brothers and sisters. 32 00:02:55,777 --> 00:02:57,946 And after my sister died, I spent most of my time... 33 00:02:58,029 --> 00:03:01,282 wishing I had seven brothers and sisters. 34 00:03:01,366 --> 00:03:04,494 Tom and I met at Illinois Polytechnic University. 35 00:03:04,577 --> 00:03:08,206 He was a senior dreaming of becoming the head football coach there. 36 00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:11,334 I was a freshman dreaming of becoming a sports reporter. 37 00:03:11,417 --> 00:03:14,712 He wanted eight kids, I wanted eight kids. Bam. 38 00:03:14,796 --> 00:03:18,174 An hour after I met him, I knew he was the one. 39 00:03:18,216 --> 00:03:20,218 We just had family at the wedding. 40 00:03:20,259 --> 00:03:22,804 Oh, and Shake Maguire, Tom's best man. 41 00:03:22,887 --> 00:03:25,890 What a hot dog. 42 00:03:25,974 --> 00:03:28,518 A year later, we had our first-- Nora. 43 00:03:28,601 --> 00:03:31,729 I loved taking her to work with me. 44 00:03:31,813 --> 00:03:34,774 After Charlie and Lorraine were born, we realized our dream of living in the city... 45 00:03:34,857 --> 00:03:38,486 - and having eight kids and two careers wasn't gonna work. - [ Baby Crying ] 46 00:03:38,569 --> 00:03:41,990 As much as we wanted our big careers, we wanted our big family more. 47 00:03:42,073 --> 00:03:45,410 So Tom settled for a Division III coaching job at Lincoln... 48 00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:49,038 I quit writing for the Tribune, and we moved to the country. 49 00:03:49,122 --> 00:03:51,082 Tom and I got busy when we moved to Midland. 50 00:03:51,124 --> 00:03:55,378 We had Henry, Sarah, Jake and Mark in consecutive years. 51 00:03:55,420 --> 00:03:57,964 Then we went for magic number eight, and instead... 52 00:03:58,047 --> 00:04:01,718 we got the first set of fraternal twins--Jessica and Kim. 53 00:04:01,759 --> 00:04:04,387 - Nine kids. - Come on, you guys. Come on. 54 00:04:04,429 --> 00:04:06,389 Wave! Hi! 55 00:04:06,431 --> 00:04:08,391 [ Cheering ] 56 00:04:08,433 --> 00:04:11,894 With each child, Tom and I got further from our big career dreams. 57 00:04:11,978 --> 00:04:13,938 But we didn't think about that. 58 00:04:13,980 --> 00:04:18,234 - [ Whistle Blowing ] - [ Yelling ] Yeah! 59 00:04:18,276 --> 00:04:20,486 Oh. Sorry, Coach. 60 00:04:24,574 --> 00:04:29,537 We had our hands full with nine. We were happy, and we were done. 61 00:04:29,621 --> 00:04:32,081 Then we went to a party celebrating Shake Maguire's appointment... 62 00:04:32,123 --> 00:04:34,083 to athletic director at our alma mater. 63 00:04:34,125 --> 00:04:37,754 And, well, too many beers and nine months later, we had Mike. 64 00:04:37,837 --> 00:04:40,715 After that, Tom got a vasectomy. 65 00:04:40,798 --> 00:04:43,092 But he didn't hear the doctor say that it would be a few weeks... 66 00:04:43,134 --> 00:04:45,928 before the procedure became effective. 67 00:04:45,970 --> 00:04:50,558 In '98, Nigel and Kyle got us to that crazy number 1 2. 68 00:04:50,642 --> 00:04:54,062 But by then, Tom and I were experts at managing chaos. 69 00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:59,734 - [ Karate Yells ] - Let's move, gang. Come on, come on, come on! 70 00:04:59,817 --> 00:05:03,947 - Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo! - Charlie missed his curfew again last night. Take care of that. 71 00:05:04,030 --> 00:05:06,491 Hey. 72 00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:09,285 You can only put on so much lip gloss, princess! 73 00:05:09,369 --> 00:05:12,038 - [ Sighs ] You blew my concentration! - [ Tom ] Temper, Sarah. 74 00:05:12,121 --> 00:05:14,666 Now I get to start all over again. 75 00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:17,168 - Wrap it up, Lorraine! - [ Lorraine ] Okay, Daddy.! 76 00:05:17,210 --> 00:05:19,295 - [ Yelling, Grunting ] - Have you seen my frog, Dad? 77 00:05:19,337 --> 00:05:21,339 Sorry, Charlie. Uh, Nigel. Kyle. 78 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:24,842 - It's Mark. - I knew that. 79 00:05:26,636 --> 00:05:30,640 Hey, teenager. You got caught on Mom radar last night. 80 00:05:30,682 --> 00:05:32,642 You're not gonna get that scholarship if you're out late with Beth... 81 00:05:32,684 --> 00:05:34,644 the night before a big game. 82 00:05:34,686 --> 00:05:37,814 Well, I'm not so sure I even want to go to college. 83 00:05:39,899 --> 00:05:41,985 Since when? 84 00:05:42,068 --> 00:05:45,196 Since Beth's mom offered me a job at the auto shop. 85 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:47,198 Hmm. Sounds exciting. 86 00:05:47,282 --> 00:05:50,118 Well, we'll talk about that after you get your full ride. 87 00:05:50,201 --> 00:05:53,037 And, meanwhile, in by 1 0:00 on school nights. Clear? 88 00:05:53,121 --> 00:05:56,666 - Got it. - Anything else you wanna talk about? 89 00:05:56,749 --> 00:05:59,544 Did I mention I don't like you very much? 90 00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:03,006 - Yeah, you mentioned that. - Then I'm good. 91 00:06:03,047 --> 00:06:07,176 - Okay, me too. - [ Chuckles ] 92 00:06:08,678 --> 00:06:10,847 Dude, two words: need new skates. 93 00:06:10,888 --> 00:06:14,100 Dude, three words: paper route. 94 00:06:14,183 --> 00:06:18,396 “Hi. Can't make dinner. Hank and I are moving into our new apartment. 95 00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:20,398 Love, Nora.” 96 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:23,443 - Have you seen Beans, Mom? - Mm-mm. 97 00:06:25,236 --> 00:06:27,780 - [ Nigel ] Here you go, Gunner. - [ Kyle ] You hungry, boy? 98 00:06:27,864 --> 00:06:30,116 [ Woman Singing ] 99 00:06:54,891 --> 00:06:57,060 Here you go, Gunner. Are you hungry? 100 00:06:57,143 --> 00:07:00,855 Look, I am totally aware that this family doesn't value... 101 00:07:00,939 --> 00:07:03,566 self-presentation in the same obsessive way that I do. 102 00:07:03,608 --> 00:07:06,903 Fine. Whatever. But one of my life goals... 103 00:07:06,986 --> 00:07:08,988 aside from being, like, a fashion guru... 104 00:07:09,072 --> 00:07:11,074 is to indicate to the local community that... 105 00:07:11,157 --> 00:07:13,451 the Baker family actually owns a bar of soap. 106 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:16,871 So, as self-appointed in-house rep of style and hygiene... 107 00:07:16,955 --> 00:07:19,832 I think I should be allotted at least five extra minutes in front of the mirror. 108 00:07:19,916 --> 00:07:21,501 - Three. - Done. 109 00:07:21,584 --> 00:07:24,253 Now help your sister butter the toast. 110 00:07:24,337 --> 00:07:27,924 Sarah, your suspension from lacrosse for excessive force has been lifted. 111 00:07:28,007 --> 00:07:31,094 So you're going today. Henry, you have band practice, all right? 112 00:07:31,135 --> 00:07:34,430 I cleaned your clarinet. Please don't play with food in your mouth again. 113 00:07:34,514 --> 00:07:37,100 Kim and Jessica, your teacher called and has made a request... 114 00:07:37,141 --> 00:07:39,143 that you do not correct her in front of the class. 115 00:07:39,227 --> 00:07:41,479 Mike, you have show-and-tell today. And, please, honey... 116 00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:43,690 remember that body parts do not count. 117 00:07:43,773 --> 00:07:45,858 Kyle and Nigel, you have a dentist's appointment at 3:00. You're goin' to work with Dad. 118 00:07:45,942 --> 00:07:48,319 [ Together] Yeah! 119 00:07:48,403 --> 00:07:51,489 - [ Both Yelling ] - [ Yelling ] 120 00:07:55,827 --> 00:07:59,372 - And we're shooting our Christmas card today. - [ Sighs ] 121 00:07:59,455 --> 00:08:03,334 - What time's Nora coming over? - Uh, she may not make it. 122 00:08:03,418 --> 00:08:06,629 She hardly ever comes home since she started dating that doorknob. 123 00:08:06,713 --> 00:08:10,341 - He's not a doorknob. - The man irons his jeans, Mom. 124 00:08:10,425 --> 00:08:12,510 - Yeah, that's weird. - [ Tom ] Never mind. 125 00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,512 I'll shoot it without her. I'll Photoshop her in. 126 00:08:14,554 --> 00:08:17,056 Honey, could you take 1 0 pounds off me with that Photoshop thing? 127 00:08:17,140 --> 00:08:19,350 - Can I be Photo shopped in? - Wait. If Sarah's bein' Photo shopped in... 128 00:08:19,434 --> 00:08:21,477 - then I'm definitely gonna get Photo shopped in. - Why don't we all be-- 129 00:08:21,519 --> 00:08:25,023 Nobody gets Photo shopped in but Nora. Everybody be here by 4:00. 130 00:08:25,106 --> 00:08:26,983 Why do we always do our Christmas cards in May anyway? 131 00:08:27,025 --> 00:08:30,194 Because the earlier we get it done, the bigger discount we get at the printer. 132 00:08:30,278 --> 00:08:33,197 - Now, let's eat.! - [ All Chattering ] 133 00:08:33,281 --> 00:08:35,325 Here you go. Look alive. 134 00:08:36,367 --> 00:08:39,746 [ Chattering Continues ] 135 00:08:47,837 --> 00:08:49,672 [ Croaks ] 136 00:08:54,093 --> 00:08:56,387 No, Mark! 137 00:08:56,471 --> 00:08:59,182 [ Girls Screaming ] 138 00:08:59,265 --> 00:09:01,851 Get him! 139 00:09:01,935 --> 00:09:03,937 [ All Shouting ] 140 00:09:05,855 --> 00:09:09,734 - [ Tom ] Come on.! Get him, Charlie.! - He's headed for the waffles.! 141 00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:12,278 - I got him, Charlie.! I got him.! - Come to Daddy.! Come on.! 142 00:09:17,784 --> 00:09:20,870 Mike, stick! 143 00:09:20,912 --> 00:09:23,873 - Mark, net! - I got the door covered! 144 00:09:23,915 --> 00:09:25,541 I got the net! [ Yells ] 145 00:09:25,625 --> 00:09:27,377 - Whoa! - Ooh! 146 00:09:33,383 --> 00:09:35,885 [ Croaking ] 147 00:09:44,185 --> 00:09:46,145 [ Yelling ] 148 00:09:48,731 --> 00:09:50,817 [ Cheering, Shouting ] 149 00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:53,194 [ Gunner Barking ] 150 00:09:55,655 --> 00:09:59,284 [ Mike ] Uh-oh. Busted. 151 00:10:01,244 --> 00:10:06,416 Put Beans in his cage... 152 00:10:06,457 --> 00:10:08,960 now. 153 00:10:11,838 --> 00:10:14,090 [ All Gasping ] 154 00:10:19,721 --> 00:10:22,432 Is everything broken? 155 00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:26,978 Teacup with the flower on it broken? 156 00:10:27,020 --> 00:10:28,980 Nice move, FedEx. 157 00:10:38,531 --> 00:10:42,493 [ Kate ] Okay, here we go, everyone. School. Let's go. 158 00:10:48,666 --> 00:10:50,668 Hey. 159 00:10:53,004 --> 00:10:56,257 Much cooler. 160 00:10:56,341 --> 00:10:58,259 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Henry, here you go. - Thanks, Mom. 161 00:10:58,343 --> 00:11:00,678 For the record, I am so over Nora's hand-me-downs. 162 00:11:00,762 --> 00:11:04,682 All right, well, you look gorgeous in anything, Lorraine. 163 00:11:04,766 --> 00:11:07,226 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's goin' on? What's wrong with you, mister? 164 00:11:07,310 --> 00:11:10,647 Everybody says the FedEx guy dropped me off... 165 00:11:10,688 --> 00:11:12,815 'cause I don't fit in with this family. 166 00:11:12,899 --> 00:11:15,526 You fit. You fit right here. 167 00:11:15,610 --> 00:11:18,821 - Like that. - [ Kyle ] I called shotgun.! 168 00:11:18,905 --> 00:11:20,657 - No, I did! - I did! 169 00:11:20,740 --> 00:11:22,700 - I did! - [ Kate ] All right, that's it.! 170 00:11:22,742 --> 00:11:25,161 Hey, you two, knock it off!. 171 00:11:25,203 --> 00:11:27,413 Mom's losing it! I'm losing it! 172 00:11:27,497 --> 00:11:30,667 All right. All right. Come on. Break it up. Break it up. 173 00:11:32,210 --> 00:11:34,879 Here we go. Are you okay? I'll give you candy. 174 00:11:34,963 --> 00:11:39,217 - Nigel, Kyle, chill or be chilled. - Sure. Listen to him. 175 00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:42,053 Mark? Oh. 176 00:11:44,472 --> 00:11:46,891 [ Sighs ] 177 00:11:46,933 --> 00:11:50,895 - So Nora's not coming? - [ Groans ] Well, not exactly. Here. 178 00:11:52,397 --> 00:11:54,774 That is so Nora. We tell 'em they can't sleep together... 179 00:11:54,857 --> 00:11:57,026 when they visit, so she moves in with him. 180 00:11:57,110 --> 00:11:59,070 Honey, she's just trying to have her own life. 181 00:11:59,112 --> 00:12:01,072 - She's too young to have her own life. - She's 22. 182 00:12:01,114 --> 00:12:04,575 The same age I was when I was pregnant with her. 183 00:12:04,617 --> 00:12:06,577 Five minutes ago, she was sitting on my shoulders... 184 00:12:06,619 --> 00:12:08,871 pointing at cows in Munger's Field. 185 00:12:08,955 --> 00:12:10,915 - And then you blinked. - Yeah. 186 00:12:10,957 --> 00:12:13,668 - Enough with the blinking. No more blinking. - All right. 187 00:12:18,464 --> 00:12:20,425 You were checking me out, weren't you? 188 00:12:20,466 --> 00:12:23,052 Yes, I was. You got a problem with that? 189 00:12:23,136 --> 00:12:26,264 Twelve kids later, and we still got the heat. 190 00:12:27,473 --> 00:12:29,475 Whoo! 191 00:12:36,983 --> 00:12:39,068 [ Rap ] 192 00:12:41,404 --> 00:12:43,573 [ Whistle Blowing ] 193 00:12:45,033 --> 00:12:47,535 [ Nigel, Kyle Together ] Come on.! Hit it.! 194 00:12:47,619 --> 00:12:49,746 Faster, faster, faster.! 195 00:12:49,787 --> 00:12:52,290 - Is that as fast as you can go? - Is that all you got? 196 00:12:52,332 --> 00:12:54,417 Pump 'em high! Pump 'em high! Let's go! 197 00:12:54,459 --> 00:12:56,502 - Pump it up! - That's good! That's good! 198 00:12:59,672 --> 00:13:02,717 That's what I'm talkin' about. Way to go, Marcus. 199 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:06,220 - [ Kyle ] Way to go, boys.! - [ Nigel ] Nice passes. 200 00:13:06,304 --> 00:13:10,016 - Right here. - Nice job! 201 00:13:13,102 --> 00:13:15,021 Man, you're gettin' old and ugly. 202 00:13:16,731 --> 00:13:18,650 Shake. 203 00:13:18,733 --> 00:13:21,402 Hey. 204 00:13:21,486 --> 00:13:23,404 Hey, what are you doin' here? 205 00:13:23,488 --> 00:13:27,617 What, are you still too busy bein' the pansy house-husband to read the newspapers? 206 00:13:30,328 --> 00:13:32,372 That coach was 5-3. 207 00:13:32,455 --> 00:13:34,624 That's doesn't cut it. I'm trying to grow a program. 208 00:13:34,707 --> 00:13:39,128 Hey, guys. Remember Shake? We played college ball together. 209 00:13:39,170 --> 00:13:41,381 Yeah, the hot dog. 210 00:13:41,464 --> 00:13:43,174 Mom said it first. 211 00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:45,510 We're having adult time here, boys. 212 00:13:45,593 --> 00:13:47,804 No idea what that means. 213 00:13:47,887 --> 00:13:50,348 Well, it's this crazy thing where grown-ups... 214 00:13:50,390 --> 00:13:53,184 actually get to have a conversation without being interrupted by kids. 215 00:13:53,268 --> 00:13:55,687 - Sounds wicked boring. - [ Shake ] It is. 216 00:13:55,728 --> 00:13:58,022 So why don't you run along? 217 00:13:58,106 --> 00:14:00,817 Mom's right. He is a wiener. 218 00:14:00,858 --> 00:14:03,528 Sorry about that. Kate likes you. It's just that, you know... 219 00:14:03,611 --> 00:14:05,738 she had to have the biggest stud on the team. 220 00:14:05,822 --> 00:14:08,241 So she, uh, chose the third-string receiver... 221 00:14:08,324 --> 00:14:10,493 and got all this. 222 00:14:10,576 --> 00:14:12,662 Yeah. 223 00:14:12,704 --> 00:14:14,998 So, are you gonna tell me why you're here? 224 00:14:16,207 --> 00:14:18,710 Lincoln's a winning machine. 225 00:14:18,793 --> 00:14:21,254 You think you can make our old team a champion again? 226 00:14:22,755 --> 00:14:26,009 - You mean coach? - Coach. 227 00:14:29,846 --> 00:14:33,600 - [ Door Closes ] - Tom, what is it? Just tell me. 228 00:14:33,683 --> 00:14:35,685 -Just-- - Okay. Wait. 229 00:14:37,687 --> 00:14:41,107 - [ Washer, Dryer Rumbling ] - Dad's covering with the machines. 230 00:14:41,190 --> 00:14:43,610 - To the chute! - Go, go, go! 231 00:14:44,819 --> 00:14:47,030 My, this is big. 232 00:14:47,071 --> 00:14:49,365 Shake Maguire wants me to coach the Stallions. 233 00:14:49,449 --> 00:14:52,118 - Get out! - He offered me... 234 00:14:52,201 --> 00:14:55,622 a fat five-year contract, housing allowance, moving expenses. 235 00:14:55,705 --> 00:14:58,249 Kate, we can finally get new furniture. We can get a new car. 236 00:14:58,333 --> 00:15:02,045 And get this. University employees can send their kids to school for free. 237 00:15:04,213 --> 00:15:06,215 Wow. 238 00:15:07,759 --> 00:15:10,678 Oh. I don't know, honey. A Division I coaching job... 239 00:15:10,762 --> 00:15:12,889 that's a lot of pressure and a lot more hours. 240 00:15:12,931 --> 00:15:16,392 Yeah, but with all the kids in school next year, we could handle more job pressure. 241 00:15:16,476 --> 00:15:20,229 Yeah, but, honey, Midland is our home. I mean, the kids' lives are here. 242 00:15:22,315 --> 00:15:24,525 Midland has been great for raising our kids... 243 00:15:24,609 --> 00:15:27,737 but I never expected 'em to sacrifice the way that I did. 244 00:15:27,779 --> 00:15:29,948 You loved your childhood. 245 00:15:30,031 --> 00:15:31,950 Yeah. 246 00:15:32,033 --> 00:15:34,953 Except for this part-- the raggedy, hand-me-down part. 247 00:15:34,994 --> 00:15:37,246 The Stallions head coach. 248 00:15:37,330 --> 00:15:40,083 It's your dream job, isn't it, honey? 249 00:15:41,459 --> 00:15:44,087 I want this one, Kate. 250 00:15:44,128 --> 00:15:46,130 Let's talk to the kids. 251 00:15:46,172 --> 00:15:48,508 How do you think they'll handle it? 252 00:15:48,591 --> 00:15:51,636 - [ All Grunting ] - We're gonna move! 253 00:15:51,719 --> 00:15:54,264 [ Yelling ] 254 00:15:54,347 --> 00:15:56,307 Okay, everybody, you know the drill. 255 00:15:56,349 --> 00:15:58,434 On “three,” you give me a big “cheese.” 256 00:16:00,979 --> 00:16:03,273 [ Horse Whinnies ] 257 00:16:03,356 --> 00:16:04,857 Jake, do you have to wear black? 258 00:16:04,941 --> 00:16:07,944 Black works, Mom. Jesus, like, has his funeral on Christmas. 259 00:16:07,986 --> 00:16:10,697 - He died on Easter, Barbie. - Whatever. 260 00:16:10,780 --> 00:16:12,949 He was resurrected on Easter, moron. 261 00:16:13,032 --> 00:16:15,034 - Be quiet. - Don't touch me.! 262 00:16:15,118 --> 00:16:19,289 - [ All Arguing ] - Hey, hey, hey! What's all the fighting about? 263 00:16:19,330 --> 00:16:22,125 Exactly when did you plan on telling us about moving? 264 00:16:22,208 --> 00:16:25,503 - I'm not moving! - Yeah, because I'm not moving, all right? 265 00:16:25,586 --> 00:16:29,549 - [ Voices Overlapping ] - [ Gunner Barking ] 266 00:16:29,632 --> 00:16:32,468 - I'm not moving. - Charlie, Evanston is only four hours away. 267 00:16:32,552 --> 00:16:34,887 - Beth can come and visit. - This isn't just about Beth, Mom. 268 00:16:34,971 --> 00:16:39,309 - My whole life is here at Midland. - [ Telephone Ringing ] 269 00:16:39,350 --> 00:16:41,477 - Hello? - Hi, Mom. 270 00:16:41,561 --> 00:16:45,398 - Hi, Nora. You're on speaker. - Hi, everybody. 271 00:16:45,481 --> 00:16:49,986 Hank says hi too. So, you guys are thinking about moving up here? 272 00:16:50,069 --> 00:16:52,655 Yeah. You got room in that new apartment for your big old family? 273 00:16:52,697 --> 00:16:56,659 Just big enough for two, Dad. How's your book going, Mom? 274 00:16:56,701 --> 00:16:59,829 Actually, I just sent it to a friend who's in publishing, so we'll see. 275 00:16:59,871 --> 00:17:02,707 - Could we stay on subject, please? - Beans’ mother's buried here. 276 00:17:02,790 --> 00:17:05,043 I'm not splitting them up. They're family. 277 00:17:05,126 --> 00:17:08,004 We can build a fancy new memorial to Pork in our new yard. 278 00:17:08,046 --> 00:17:11,341 - Yeah, like we could afford that. - Actually, we can. 279 00:17:11,424 --> 00:17:15,261 I'll be making enough money to do that, get you out of hand-me-downs... 280 00:17:15,345 --> 00:17:18,765 get Jake those new skates, and get that new car we've been saving for. 281 00:17:18,848 --> 00:17:22,352 - But I have friends here! - Honey, you'll keep in touch. And you can make new friends. 282 00:17:22,435 --> 00:17:24,562 [ Voices Overlapping ] 283 00:17:27,565 --> 00:17:29,734 Quiet! 284 00:17:29,817 --> 00:17:32,070 Now, look, I know you're all scared. 285 00:17:32,153 --> 00:17:35,698 Moving is a big deal. We're very comfortable here. I get that. 286 00:17:35,740 --> 00:17:39,077 And that's why I turned down a lot of other coaching offers through the years. 287 00:17:40,912 --> 00:17:44,207 But this is a job I wanted since we left Chicago. 288 00:17:44,290 --> 00:17:47,335 And, in fact, it's more than a job to me. 289 00:17:47,418 --> 00:17:49,879 Um, this is my team... 290 00:17:49,921 --> 00:17:53,049 and it's my colors and it's, um... 291 00:17:53,091 --> 00:17:55,468 the Stallions. 292 00:17:55,551 --> 00:17:58,638 And they're finally calling my number. 293 00:17:58,721 --> 00:18:02,767 And I want you to take this risk with me, because if you do... 294 00:18:02,850 --> 00:18:05,019 I promise you, we will be... 295 00:18:05,103 --> 00:18:08,439 a happier and stronger family. 296 00:18:08,523 --> 00:18:12,902 - You promise? - I promise. 297 00:18:12,944 --> 00:18:16,614 - I would feel happier and stronger if we vote on it. - Yeah, definitely. 298 00:18:16,698 --> 00:18:18,616 - [ Voices Overlapping ] - [ Charlie ] We should vote. 299 00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:20,743 That's the only way to make it fair. It's the only way to do it. 300 00:18:20,785 --> 00:18:23,079 All right, we can vote. 301 00:18:23,121 --> 00:18:26,124 But in the end, your mother and I are gonna do what we think is best for the family. 302 00:18:26,165 --> 00:18:29,127 - What's the point of even voting? - I'm out. 303 00:18:29,168 --> 00:18:32,755 - Let's get out of here. It's not even worth it. - Come on, guys. 304 00:18:36,926 --> 00:18:40,263 [ Nora On Speakerphone ] Hello? Still here. 305 00:18:40,346 --> 00:18:44,350 All right, eight noes... 306 00:18:44,434 --> 00:18:47,312 three yes's and three maybes. 307 00:18:47,395 --> 00:18:49,647 Not exactly a mandate. 308 00:18:49,731 --> 00:18:52,275 Give me a pen. I'm gonna change some of these. 309 00:18:53,526 --> 00:18:55,778 Here we go. 310 00:18:55,862 --> 00:18:58,281 - What? - “What”? 311 00:18:58,323 --> 00:19:00,283 Let's review, shall we? 312 00:19:00,325 --> 00:19:03,119 Here we go. 313 00:19:03,202 --> 00:19:06,873 “I'm so glad I found someone whose dreams are as big as mine. 314 00:19:06,956 --> 00:19:09,125 I love you. Kate.” 315 00:19:10,835 --> 00:19:14,172 I always loved the way you go for things, Tom. 316 00:19:14,255 --> 00:19:16,758 Pedal to the metal, full-on, all of it or none of it. 317 00:19:16,841 --> 00:19:18,801 So we're doing this. 318 00:19:20,929 --> 00:19:22,931 We're gonna do this. 319 00:19:27,268 --> 00:19:29,687 We're doing it. 320 00:19:29,729 --> 00:19:34,192 Yeah. And by the time we move, the kids'll get used to the idea. 321 00:19:46,746 --> 00:19:49,707 Say good-bye to your mother, Beans. 322 00:20:00,385 --> 00:20:02,345 [ Tom ] Gunner, to the car.! 323 00:20:02,387 --> 00:20:04,347 - [ Growling ] - Come on! 324 00:20:04,389 --> 00:20:06,516 I'm you. Gunner, to the car! 325 00:20:06,557 --> 00:20:09,686 - I'm Gunner. Gunner, to the car! - [ Whimpers ] 326 00:20:11,020 --> 00:20:14,232 Hey, Charlie. Do me a favor and drive the Cutlass? 327 00:20:15,858 --> 00:20:18,111 Thanks for ruining my life. 328 00:20:18,194 --> 00:20:19,904 [ Nigel ] I don't wanna move.! 329 00:20:19,988 --> 00:20:21,698 - You know what? Everybody's going with us. - [ Both Yelling ] 330 00:20:21,781 --> 00:20:24,575 We're taking all your toys. Okay. 331 00:20:24,659 --> 00:20:28,746 Well, whoever said expressing emotion is a good thing, I'd like to see. 332 00:20:28,830 --> 00:20:31,207 [ Rock ] 333 00:21:06,618 --> 00:21:09,412 [ Tom ] Hey, this is our street. 334 00:21:09,495 --> 00:21:11,998 [ Rap On Car Stereo ] 335 00:21:15,251 --> 00:21:17,920 Are you sure we're gonna fit in here, Dad? 336 00:21:18,004 --> 00:21:20,089 You'll have friends here in no time, guys. 337 00:21:31,392 --> 00:21:33,311 [ Tom ] Here we are. We are here. Everybody out. 338 00:21:33,394 --> 00:21:35,396 I want everybody out. 339 00:21:37,732 --> 00:21:39,817 - [ Barking ] - Hey, slow down there, Gunner! 340 00:21:39,901 --> 00:21:44,113 - Wait up! - Hey, Kyle, check this place out! 341 00:21:44,197 --> 00:21:47,033 - Cool! - [ Chattering Continues ] 342 00:21:47,116 --> 00:21:49,452 [ Tom ] There it is-- a 1 920s classic. 343 00:21:49,535 --> 00:21:51,496 [ Sarah ] What, did the Munsters give you a good price? 344 00:21:51,537 --> 00:21:54,666 All right, the twins share, but everybody else gets their own room. 345 00:21:54,749 --> 00:21:58,628 - Now, go kill each other for the best one! - That's great. 346 00:22:02,590 --> 00:22:04,550 Hey, Charlie. 347 00:22:04,634 --> 00:22:08,388 You're gonna need a car to visit Beth. The Olds is yours now. 348 00:22:13,351 --> 00:22:16,229 You trying to bribe me? 349 00:22:16,312 --> 00:22:18,273 Is it working? 350 00:22:19,565 --> 00:22:21,567 Little bit. 351 00:22:25,029 --> 00:22:27,031 Come on. 352 00:22:36,708 --> 00:22:38,710 Welcome home, Kate. 353 00:22:40,586 --> 00:22:42,839 - It's gonna be great, Tom. - Mmm. 354 00:22:42,922 --> 00:22:44,882 Jessica, come here.! Check this out.! 355 00:22:44,924 --> 00:22:46,884 - [Jake ] This room is huge.! - Can I see this one? 356 00:22:46,926 --> 00:22:48,886 Whoa-ho! Back it up, FedEx. 357 00:22:48,928 --> 00:22:51,514 If anyone gets the room across from me, it's Charlie. 358 00:22:51,598 --> 00:22:54,183 - And are you Charlie? No. - [ Kim ] Dude, I call this room. 359 00:22:54,267 --> 00:22:56,811 - Nobody else gets it, okay? - [Jessica ] Look at the view from here.! 360 00:22:56,894 --> 00:22:59,606 - It's spectacular.! - [ Mike ] Can I share with you? 361 00:23:32,805 --> 00:23:35,183 Oh, God. They're fast-food people. 362 00:23:36,392 --> 00:23:38,144 - [ Doorbell Rings ] - [ Man ] Hello? 363 00:23:38,227 --> 00:23:39,896 People are here! 364 00:23:39,938 --> 00:23:43,191 - Hi. - Hi. I'm Tina Shenk. 365 00:23:43,274 --> 00:23:45,234 This is my husband Bill and our son Dylan. 366 00:23:45,318 --> 00:23:47,487 - How do you do? - We, uh, live across the street. 367 00:23:47,570 --> 00:23:50,657 - Thank you. This is lovely. I'm Kate. This is Tom. - Hi. 368 00:23:50,740 --> 00:23:52,408 - We're the Bakers. - Oh! 369 00:23:52,450 --> 00:23:54,160 - Gunner! Gunner! - I am so sorry. 370 00:23:54,243 --> 00:23:56,913 - Sorry. - Are you hiding a cheeseburger anywhere on your person? 371 00:23:56,996 --> 00:24:00,667 - I-I don't eat meat. - [ Gunner Growling ] 372 00:24:00,750 --> 00:24:03,962 -Jake? - Dude! Two words: manners. 373 00:24:04,045 --> 00:24:07,256 - What's up? Wanna help me unpack? - Sure. 374 00:24:07,340 --> 00:24:09,801 - Put your sweater on, sweetie. - He's inside, dear. 375 00:24:09,842 --> 00:24:11,844 Don't start, okay? 376 00:24:13,846 --> 00:24:15,932 [ Sighs ] 377 00:24:15,974 --> 00:24:18,101 So, uh, is Jake your only child? 378 00:24:18,184 --> 00:24:20,144 No. We have 1 2. 379 00:24:21,229 --> 00:24:23,439 I couldn't keep her off me. 380 00:24:25,942 --> 00:24:28,319 - Heads up! - Oh! 381 00:24:29,988 --> 00:24:31,990 - Little less wrist, Mike. - Got it. 382 00:24:32,073 --> 00:24:35,285 - Game on.! - Uh, they're playing hockey in the house? 383 00:24:35,326 --> 00:24:38,329 Well, if the game gets bigger than three-on-three, then they have to take it outside. 384 00:24:41,833 --> 00:24:44,335 Uh, Dylan doesn't really care for rough play. 385 00:24:45,420 --> 00:24:48,798 Uh, you're gonna wanna stop now, dude. 386 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,801 - [ Yells ] - [ Tina Screaming ] Oh, my God! 387 00:24:51,843 --> 00:24:54,012 - Hang on, buddy! - A little help here! 388 00:24:54,095 --> 00:24:57,140 - I got him! I got him! - Save my baby! 389 00:24:57,223 --> 00:24:59,809 Don't worry, Dylan. I swing from the chandelier all the time. 390 00:24:59,892 --> 00:25:02,562 - Cool! - All right. 391 00:25:02,645 --> 00:25:05,898 Aah! I got him! I-- Oh! I don't got him! 392 00:25:05,982 --> 00:25:09,444 - Oh, my God! - [ Yelling ] 393 00:25:11,904 --> 00:25:13,906 So, Dylan, know any good restaurants? 394 00:25:13,990 --> 00:25:17,076 [ Kate ] I've got you, Dylan.! Don't worry, honey.! 395 00:25:20,038 --> 00:25:24,167 - [Jake ] Whoa.! - You can let go, Dylan. I think she's got you. 396 00:25:24,250 --> 00:25:27,337 - Spin him this way so I can-- - [ Tina ] Oh, my God.! 397 00:25:31,341 --> 00:25:33,927 - Oh, sweetie, are you all right? - I'm fine, Mom. 398 00:25:34,010 --> 00:25:37,972 - Oh, dear. - You know, for the entire minute and a half we lived here... 399 00:25:38,056 --> 00:25:40,016 I really hated that chandelier. 400 00:25:40,058 --> 00:25:41,684 - [ Chuckles ] - Here we go. 401 00:25:41,726 --> 00:25:44,520 Okay. We, uh-- We better go. It's time for your chess lesson. 402 00:25:44,562 --> 00:25:46,522 I don't have a chess lesson, Mom. 403 00:25:46,564 --> 00:25:48,524 Well, then, you need to practice for your chess lesson. 404 00:25:48,566 --> 00:25:50,568 Come over anytime, dude. 405 00:25:50,610 --> 00:25:53,196 Uh, we'll, uh, we'll call, schedule a play date. 406 00:25:53,237 --> 00:25:55,406 No need. Just come by anytime. 407 00:25:55,490 --> 00:25:58,076 Oh, no, we'll call. 408 00:25:58,159 --> 00:26:01,704 - You're all invited to my birthday. - Oh-ho. That'll be fun. 409 00:26:01,788 --> 00:26:04,040 Hey, Charlie, come on down and help me with this, okay? 410 00:26:04,082 --> 00:26:06,793 [ Kate ] Careful, honey. There's glass everywhere. 411 00:26:06,876 --> 00:26:09,295 [ Cell Phone Ringing ] 412 00:26:09,379 --> 00:26:12,173 - I got it, Mom. - Okay, well, I'll help you. 413 00:26:12,257 --> 00:26:14,884 - Hey, Shake, what's up? - You okay? 414 00:26:14,926 --> 00:26:18,554 Really? 415 00:26:18,596 --> 00:26:20,974 Okay, well, I'll see you there. 416 00:26:21,057 --> 00:26:25,436 Hey! Hey, guess what? Fox Sports wants to interview me on TV! 417 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,940 - Okay, well, we got this. - Dad's gotta earn a living! 418 00:26:28,982 --> 00:26:31,442 Twelve kids. That's the throwback. 419 00:26:31,526 --> 00:26:33,444 Irresponsible is what this is. 420 00:26:33,528 --> 00:26:35,655 How come we didn't have more kids? 421 00:26:35,738 --> 00:26:37,657 Because we wanted one perfect child... 422 00:26:37,740 --> 00:26:39,742 and that's what we got. 423 00:26:57,051 --> 00:26:59,762 [ Croaking ] 424 00:27:04,475 --> 00:27:06,978 [ Yelling ] 425 00:27:07,061 --> 00:27:09,772 Cool. 426 00:27:09,856 --> 00:27:12,609 [ Tom ] Honey, I'm gonna be home late tonight. I got another press conference. 427 00:27:12,650 --> 00:27:14,944 Come on. Whatever happened to that stud... 428 00:27:14,986 --> 00:27:17,238 who sat across from me at dinner every night? 429 00:27:17,322 --> 00:27:19,532 He got his dream job, remember? 430 00:27:23,161 --> 00:27:25,121 [ Door Closes ] 431 00:27:25,163 --> 00:27:28,041 [ Yelling ] 432 00:27:29,834 --> 00:27:32,503 - Good-bye, Dad. - See ya, buddy. 433 00:27:43,598 --> 00:27:46,517 Tell the masseuse I'm running about 1 5 minutes late. 434 00:27:46,559 --> 00:27:50,480 - Day 1 4 on the alien planet. - [ Henry ] Where you goin'? 435 00:27:50,521 --> 00:27:55,026 To sign up for football. And, no, you can't come. 436 00:27:56,861 --> 00:27:59,280 [ Sarah ] Could this place be any more boring? 437 00:27:59,364 --> 00:28:03,076 - There's, like, nothing to do around here. - I could give you a makeover. 438 00:28:05,370 --> 00:28:07,580 All righty, then. 439 00:28:07,664 --> 00:28:10,833 [ Chattering ] 440 00:28:17,048 --> 00:28:20,385 Hi. I'm Charlie Baker. 441 00:28:20,468 --> 00:28:22,387 Oh, yeah, Tom Baker's boy. 442 00:28:22,470 --> 00:28:26,182 Read where his old buddy Shake threw him a bone. 443 00:28:26,266 --> 00:28:28,226 [ Man ] Offense or defense? 444 00:28:31,145 --> 00:28:34,148 I'm a quarterback. 445 00:28:34,232 --> 00:28:36,526 Yeah, well, maybe in Cowpie, Illinois. 446 00:28:36,567 --> 00:28:40,029 This is 4-A, Skippy. The bigs. 447 00:28:40,113 --> 00:28:42,699 Put him on defense. Cornerback. 448 00:28:45,493 --> 00:28:48,913 By the way, when you show up for practice, don't be wearing that hat. 449 00:28:53,668 --> 00:28:57,589 Okay, uh, let's see. Who's next? Yes? 450 00:28:57,672 --> 00:29:01,884 It's been reported that you like to blast music in your locker room. Why? 451 00:29:01,968 --> 00:29:04,345 Uh, well, it loosens up the players... 452 00:29:04,429 --> 00:29:06,180 and, uh, gets 'em psyched. 453 00:29:06,264 --> 00:29:09,142 Unless, of course, I start dancing. Then they just get nauseous. 454 00:29:09,225 --> 00:29:10,977 [ Reporters Chuckling ] 455 00:29:11,060 --> 00:29:12,979 At least we get to see him on TV. 456 00:29:13,062 --> 00:29:14,981 [ Reporter ] Coach, how do you manage a family of 1 2... 457 00:29:15,064 --> 00:29:17,150 and a football team? 458 00:29:17,233 --> 00:29:19,152 Well, I've got a great team here... 459 00:29:19,235 --> 00:29:21,904 and a solid support system at home. 460 00:29:21,946 --> 00:29:25,074 - Go to bed, kids. - Okay, you heard the coach. 461 00:29:25,116 --> 00:29:27,076 - Off to bed. Here we go. - [ Gunner Groaning ] 462 00:29:27,118 --> 00:29:30,246 In Midland, we were a family. Now we're a support system? 463 00:29:30,288 --> 00:29:33,166 - A family is a support system, Butch. - [ Groans ] 464 00:29:33,249 --> 00:29:35,960 [ Ringing ] 465 00:29:36,044 --> 00:29:40,423 Hello? Who's this? 466 00:29:40,465 --> 00:29:43,051 - Somebody from something something. - Okay. Shh. 467 00:29:43,134 --> 00:29:46,804 Hello? Yeah, hi, Diane. 468 00:29:55,563 --> 00:29:59,108 This is business. Salmons and pinks are so homemaker. 469 00:29:59,150 --> 00:30:01,361 All right, focus on your navies and your grays. 470 00:30:01,444 --> 00:30:05,281 Navy is muscle, gray is smarts. Choose either, and you'll rule the boardroom. 471 00:30:06,366 --> 00:30:08,618 - What's going on? - Guess what? 472 00:30:08,660 --> 00:30:12,121 Diane Phillips called. My book's getting published. 473 00:30:12,163 --> 00:30:14,123 Did I tell you we're gonna have it all? 474 00:30:14,165 --> 00:30:17,543 - You've never said that. - I'm tellin' you now, baby! Whoo! 475 00:30:17,627 --> 00:30:19,837 - Oh-oh. - Oh! 476 00:30:19,921 --> 00:30:21,714 - Oh.! Whoa.! - Mmm.! 477 00:30:21,798 --> 00:30:23,508 Ooh! 478 00:30:23,591 --> 00:30:27,804 Oh, my God! Can you guys just please wait till I leave the room? 479 00:30:27,845 --> 00:30:29,806 Can you hurry? 480 00:30:29,847 --> 00:30:31,349 [ Shudders ] 481 00:30:31,391 --> 00:30:33,351 - All right, there's one thing. - What? 482 00:30:33,393 --> 00:30:36,062 They asked me to go to New York for a few days. 483 00:30:38,898 --> 00:30:41,359 - Oh. - “Oh”? 484 00:30:41,442 --> 00:30:44,654 That was a good “oh,” as in “okay.” 485 00:30:44,696 --> 00:30:47,240 Yes, it's not the best timing in the world. 486 00:30:47,323 --> 00:30:49,993 - But you're going to New York. I can handle this. - You'll manage. 487 00:30:50,034 --> 00:30:51,536 Yeah. 488 00:30:51,619 --> 00:30:54,622 Well, you haven't been home much, Tom, since we moved here. 489 00:30:56,582 --> 00:30:59,836 And you're gonna have to, you know, shop for school supplies... 490 00:30:59,877 --> 00:31:02,088 get 'em dressed and-and bathed so they're clean... 491 00:31:02,171 --> 00:31:04,757 - and put 'em to bed at night, walk Gunner-- - Been there. Done all that. 492 00:31:06,509 --> 00:31:09,387 - You're considering this? - I'm not considering it. 493 00:31:09,470 --> 00:31:12,181 You're going. Nora can help me out around the house. 494 00:31:14,976 --> 00:31:16,936 New York. Wow. 495 00:31:17,020 --> 00:31:19,480 Yeah. Wow. 496 00:31:34,370 --> 00:31:36,414 It totally sucks. I miss you too... 497 00:31:36,497 --> 00:31:38,416 but, I mean, I gotta get a job. 498 00:31:38,499 --> 00:31:40,418 Hi, Lorraine. 499 00:31:40,501 --> 00:31:42,670 Okay, I'll try and be there, honey. 500 00:31:42,754 --> 00:31:47,133 Hi, Kimmy. Yeah, I-I know I haven't been very friendly recently. 501 00:31:47,216 --> 00:31:49,052 They are pulling me in again! 502 00:31:49,093 --> 00:31:52,096 -Just tell 'em you can't do it. - Can you guys hold on a second? 503 00:31:52,138 --> 00:31:55,266 That's easy for you to say. You're an only child. 504 00:32:01,189 --> 00:32:03,733 It might be fun to babysit together. 505 00:32:03,816 --> 00:32:05,985 No! Whoa, no! 506 00:32:06,069 --> 00:32:08,279 No. You know what happened last time we visited. 507 00:32:08,363 --> 00:32:12,283 - They were welcoming you into the family. - They set me on fire! 508 00:32:12,367 --> 00:32:15,244 Just your pants. 509 00:32:15,328 --> 00:32:18,998 Honey, I am an actor, okay? And, sure, last time it was just my pants. 510 00:32:19,082 --> 00:32:21,668 But what if next time it's my face? 511 00:32:21,751 --> 00:32:25,004 This is the moneymaker. I'm not that good of an actor. 512 00:32:25,088 --> 00:32:27,048 This is how I get the jobs. I know that. 513 00:32:27,131 --> 00:32:29,425 I'm man enough to admit it. 514 00:32:29,467 --> 00:32:31,594 Please? 515 00:32:31,678 --> 00:32:34,430 - Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like that! - Please, please, please, please? 516 00:32:34,472 --> 00:32:37,350 You always do that to me. Fine, fine. You know what? We'll go. 517 00:32:37,433 --> 00:32:39,602 But I'll tell you what. One thing happens, and I'm gone. 518 00:32:39,686 --> 00:32:43,606 And no fires. And we sleep in the same room. 519 00:32:43,648 --> 00:32:45,608 Kimmy, put Dad on. 520 00:32:47,402 --> 00:32:49,779 She says she'll help us out if they can stay in the same room. 521 00:32:49,821 --> 00:32:52,490 No. No way. 522 00:32:52,573 --> 00:32:55,660 No, she knows the rules. She wants to have her own room when she's here. 523 00:32:55,743 --> 00:32:58,621 Isn't that sweet? No. 524 00:32:58,663 --> 00:33:03,293 Okay, look, why don't you just come over on Sunday, and we'll talk logistics. 525 00:33:03,376 --> 00:33:06,838 - All right. Bye. - Tell me Doorknob Man isn't babysitting too. 526 00:33:06,921 --> 00:33:09,299 Yes, he very well might be, young lady. 527 00:33:09,382 --> 00:33:11,467 And do not set his pants on fire again. 528 00:33:11,509 --> 00:33:13,011 - [ Kate ] Yes. - Classic. 529 00:33:14,470 --> 00:33:17,348 It was just his pants. 530 00:33:17,432 --> 00:33:20,310 Is anybody besides me thinking our happier and stronger life... 531 00:33:20,351 --> 00:33:22,645 was actually code for "nastier and suckier"? 532 00:33:22,729 --> 00:33:25,315 First, Dad forces us to move. 533 00:33:25,398 --> 00:33:28,651 Then Mom decides to become a career person and, like, travel the globe. 534 00:33:28,693 --> 00:33:31,237 Now we have to take orders from Hank, the model/actor? 535 00:33:31,321 --> 00:33:34,782 - And he hates kids too. - Ow! 536 00:33:34,866 --> 00:33:38,536 Nora's blind to his evil. We have no choice but to intervene. 537 00:33:38,620 --> 00:33:42,248 We've got 48 hours. Let's work a plan. 538 00:33:43,249 --> 00:33:45,793 [ All Whispering ] 539 00:33:47,629 --> 00:33:51,174 All right, Appleschmear season is officially open.! 540 00:33:51,257 --> 00:33:53,718 [ All Cheering ] 541 00:33:53,801 --> 00:33:55,553 The president of the United States, Sarah Baker... 542 00:33:55,637 --> 00:33:57,555 will throw out the first apple. 543 00:33:57,639 --> 00:34:00,141 - [ Yells ] - [ Barking ] 544 00:34:01,809 --> 00:34:04,562 Come on. Bring on the chin music, baby. Let's go. Let's go. 545 00:34:04,646 --> 00:34:08,274 Let's go. Oh, yes! 546 00:34:09,359 --> 00:34:12,111 Ho, it's an apple! And now it's sauce. 547 00:34:14,155 --> 00:34:17,867 And that's a beauty! Mmm! Mmm! 548 00:34:21,496 --> 00:34:23,456 - Whoa! - [ Cheering Continues ] 549 00:34:23,539 --> 00:34:28,461 Appleschmear. It's the game my Great-Grandma Gilbreth invented. 550 00:34:28,544 --> 00:34:30,713 - [ Bat Striking Apple ] - Neat. 551 00:34:31,839 --> 00:34:34,175 Time out. Nora's here. 552 00:34:34,259 --> 00:34:37,053 [ All Cheering ] 553 00:34:37,095 --> 00:34:40,223 - Nora! Nora! - No! No, no, no, no! 554 00:34:40,306 --> 00:34:43,142 Kids, please do not touch the LeBaron. Just had it detailed. 555 00:34:43,226 --> 00:34:45,979 Hey, whoa, Tom. Tom, can we please, uh... 556 00:34:46,062 --> 00:34:48,815 ask the kids to respect the perimeter around the LeBaron? 557 00:34:48,898 --> 00:34:51,109 Hey, hey, respect the perimeter, kids. Come on. Respect-- 558 00:34:51,192 --> 00:34:53,945 Back up. Back up. Nora. Nora, welcome. 559 00:34:54,028 --> 00:34:56,990 - Come on. - It's a luxury automobile, kids. 560 00:34:57,073 --> 00:34:59,534 - Not your daddy's Oldsmobile. - This is for you. Congratulations. 561 00:34:59,617 --> 00:35:01,452 - Come on. - I wanna hear all about it. 562 00:35:01,536 --> 00:35:03,496 - It's very fancy. - Now, about the babysitting. 563 00:35:03,579 --> 00:35:05,456 Battle stations. 564 00:35:36,237 --> 00:35:38,615 Heads up, Hank! 565 00:35:41,242 --> 00:35:43,202 Yo, Hank.! 566 00:35:43,286 --> 00:35:45,830 [ Yells ] 567 00:35:47,957 --> 00:35:49,876 [ Kyle Giggles ] 568 00:35:49,959 --> 00:35:53,004 Phase one complete. 569 00:36:05,558 --> 00:36:08,811 Sorry about your clothes, Hank. We'll have 'em dry in no time. 570 00:36:08,853 --> 00:36:12,899 [ Mocking Jessica ] “Sorry about your clothes, Hank. We'll have 'em dry in no time.” 571 00:36:22,158 --> 00:36:25,536 What is with the staring? Just stop looking at me. 572 00:36:28,915 --> 00:36:31,334 Chopsticks. 573 00:36:44,055 --> 00:36:46,182 Open meat bucket. 574 00:36:48,393 --> 00:36:51,271 Oh! 575 00:36:51,354 --> 00:36:54,524 Begin underwear soaking. 576 00:37:00,655 --> 00:37:04,242 So, um, how's the acting career going, Hank? 577 00:37:04,325 --> 00:37:07,578 If it was goin' any better, there'd have to be two of me. 578 00:37:07,662 --> 00:37:10,373 Yeah, we saw you in the commercial with the gargling-- the mouthwash add 579 00:37:10,415 --> 00:37:12,500 You know, the remarkable thing about my career is... 580 00:37:12,583 --> 00:37:15,044 I only started acting, uh, a month ago... 581 00:37:15,086 --> 00:37:17,046 and, uh, I'm already on TV. 582 00:37:17,088 --> 00:37:21,551 It's the real deal. The career is white hot, Tom. It's on fire. 583 00:37:21,593 --> 00:37:24,721 I read that most actors end up in the food service industry. 584 00:37:27,932 --> 00:37:30,476 That's not gonna happen to Hank, Kim. 585 00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:33,146 [ Hank ] Candidly, I, uh, think Nora's right. 586 00:37:33,229 --> 00:37:35,815 It's really-- It's gettin' so as I can hardly go out in public anymore. 587 00:37:35,898 --> 00:37:39,986 I mean, really, with--between the autograph hounds and the paparazzi-- 588 00:37:40,069 --> 00:37:42,530 Autographs and everything? I mean, just the one commercial... 589 00:37:42,614 --> 00:37:44,574 and you have paparazzi? 590 00:37:44,616 --> 00:37:47,285 Yeah. I've-I've actually-- I've never actually seen them... 591 00:37:47,368 --> 00:37:51,122 but, you know, they hide in the bush and they get their shot. 592 00:37:51,205 --> 00:37:56,628 The crazy thing is that now we're trying to sit at home like regular joes-- 593 00:37:56,669 --> 00:37:59,422 Yeah, well, honey, it's-- And we're watching TV, right? 594 00:37:59,464 --> 00:38:02,258 And, boom, comes on a commercial, and, bam, there's me. 595 00:38:02,342 --> 00:38:04,260 It's, like, you expect to see yourself in the mirror... 596 00:38:04,344 --> 00:38:06,846 you know, and you expect to be lookin' at the handsome devil... 597 00:38:06,930 --> 00:38:09,265 but not on-- not on the TV like it is. 598 00:38:09,307 --> 00:38:11,434 It's, like, bam.! Bam.! You turn the channel. You're tryin' to... 599 00:38:11,476 --> 00:38:14,812 you know, get it out, and it's--it just keeps poppin' up. 600 00:38:14,896 --> 00:38:17,649 It's like I can run from me, but I can't hide from me. 601 00:38:18,900 --> 00:38:20,902 What a nightmare! 602 00:38:22,445 --> 00:38:24,405 Yeah. 603 00:38:26,574 --> 00:38:28,952 Nora, honey, you wanna help me in the kitchen? 604 00:38:31,037 --> 00:38:33,331 Nora, stop! Yeah. Mm-hmm. 605 00:38:33,414 --> 00:38:36,626 Wanna help me in the kitchen? Get a pie, look at a picture of Grandma, say the rosary? 606 00:38:36,668 --> 00:38:39,671 - Come on, kids. Here we go. Everybody out. - I'll be back. 607 00:38:45,009 --> 00:38:48,137 Tommy. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. 608 00:38:53,518 --> 00:38:57,188 - [ Whines ] - Gunner! 609 00:38:57,272 --> 00:38:58,982 [ Barking ] 610 00:38:59,023 --> 00:39:02,235 - Save it, boy. - [ Whining ] 611 00:39:03,778 --> 00:39:04,737 - Hey! - Hey. 612 00:39:04,821 --> 00:39:06,739 There you go. You look as good as new. 613 00:39:06,823 --> 00:39:10,493 - Yeah. Not as good as you, chief. - Yeah, anywhere. 614 00:39:10,535 --> 00:39:12,829 [ Whining ] 615 00:39:12,870 --> 00:39:15,665 - How sweet. - You know what you want? 616 00:39:15,707 --> 00:39:18,751 Kate, is this-- is this orange juice freshly squeezed? 617 00:39:18,835 --> 00:39:21,337 Nora and I are on a bit of an organic diet... 618 00:39:21,421 --> 00:39:23,339 and we're only goin' with the organic freshly squeezed... 619 00:39:23,381 --> 00:39:25,883 and it tastes a bit like Tropicana. 620 00:39:25,925 --> 00:39:28,428 [ Chuckles ] He's a winner. 621 00:39:28,511 --> 00:39:31,264 - [ All Straining ] - Gunner, no! 622 00:39:31,347 --> 00:39:33,099 Release the hound. 623 00:39:33,182 --> 00:39:34,642 All right, charge! 624 00:39:34,726 --> 00:39:37,729 You guys poppin' out another one any time soon? 625 00:39:39,522 --> 00:39:41,899 Just... curiosity. 626 00:39:44,235 --> 00:39:46,863 [ Gunner Grunting ] 627 00:39:50,491 --> 00:39:52,076 [ Groans ] 628 00:39:53,661 --> 00:39:55,455 - [ Grunting, Groaning ] - Gunner! 629 00:39:55,538 --> 00:39:57,373 - Gunner! - Gunner! 630 00:39:57,457 --> 00:39:59,208 It's Gunner. 631 00:39:59,250 --> 00:40:02,295 Honey, he's-- he's really digging in. 632 00:40:02,378 --> 00:40:05,214 Sorry, babe. Gunner, stop! Sit-Sit down! 633 00:40:05,256 --> 00:40:06,758 - [ Hank ] He's attacking.! - Stop it, Gunner. 634 00:40:06,841 --> 00:40:08,593 - [ Growling ] - [ Yells ] 635 00:40:08,676 --> 00:40:11,262 - Oh, my. Well, he's hungry. - Stop it, Gunner.! 636 00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:14,933 [ Yelling ] 637 00:40:15,016 --> 00:40:17,769 - Gunner! - [ Screaming ] 638 00:40:17,852 --> 00:40:21,064 Get him off!. Get him off!. 639 00:40:21,147 --> 00:40:23,441 [ All Laughing ] 640 00:40:23,524 --> 00:40:25,109 [ Laughing Stops ] 641 00:40:32,283 --> 00:40:34,327 [ Barking ] 642 00:40:34,410 --> 00:40:36,371 [ Barking ] 643 00:40:38,122 --> 00:40:40,583 [ Yells ] 644 00:40:46,756 --> 00:40:50,468 Nora! Nora, we didn't want you to go. 645 00:40:50,551 --> 00:40:52,470 Look, let's just get something clear. 646 00:40:52,553 --> 00:40:55,598 Even though you guys live near me now, I have my own life. 647 00:40:55,682 --> 00:40:58,726 It's mine. Not ours-- mine. 648 00:40:58,810 --> 00:41:02,105 Nora.! Would you please get in the LeBaron? 649 00:41:02,188 --> 00:41:06,234 - I beg of you.! - My loyalty is to Hank now... 650 00:41:06,317 --> 00:41:09,279 and that's the way it's gonna be. 651 00:41:09,362 --> 00:41:12,407 In the living room, now! 652 00:41:13,574 --> 00:41:15,493 Let's go! 653 00:41:15,576 --> 00:41:19,122 [ Barking ] 654 00:41:19,205 --> 00:41:22,458 Your neighborhood canines have completely ruined the LeBaron's paint job. 655 00:41:22,542 --> 00:41:24,544 I'm sure my family will pay to repaint it. 656 00:41:24,627 --> 00:41:26,963 Good, 'cause I'm sure payin' for your family. 657 00:41:27,005 --> 00:41:29,882 - What's that supposed to mean? - I think you know what it means. 658 00:41:29,966 --> 00:41:35,388 You soaked his underwear in meat. 659 00:41:35,471 --> 00:41:38,975 That is so wrong. 660 00:41:40,059 --> 00:41:43,855 Funny, but wrong. 661 00:41:45,148 --> 00:41:48,610 Now, who was the mastermind... 662 00:41:48,693 --> 00:41:51,571 in the meat-soaking plot against Hank? 663 00:41:59,704 --> 00:42:01,539 You were the masterminds? 664 00:42:04,626 --> 00:42:06,836 Step back, please. 665 00:42:15,720 --> 00:42:18,681 [ Making Beeping Noises ] 666 00:42:22,852 --> 00:42:25,188 [ Beeping Intensifies ] 667 00:42:25,229 --> 00:42:27,190 [ Beeping Slows ] 668 00:42:27,231 --> 00:42:31,694 [ Beeping Intensifies ] 669 00:42:35,323 --> 00:42:39,243 You have a dark gift, Sarah Baker. 670 00:42:39,327 --> 00:42:41,454 But it's going to cost everyone a month's allowance. 671 00:42:41,537 --> 00:42:44,791 - [ All Protesting ] - Do you wanna make it two? 672 00:42:46,793 --> 00:42:49,545 Now, when your mother leaves tomorrow... 673 00:42:49,587 --> 00:42:51,714 I'm gonna need everyone to pull their own weight. 674 00:42:51,798 --> 00:42:54,175 Now, go upstairs and go to your rooms! 675 00:43:00,181 --> 00:43:02,475 Soaking his underwear in meat? 676 00:43:02,558 --> 00:43:04,644 I mean, how do they come up with that? 677 00:43:04,727 --> 00:43:08,690 If I could just harness that ingenuity and channel it into something constructive. 678 00:43:08,773 --> 00:43:11,401 Yeah, like getting somebody to help you out while I'm gone. 679 00:43:11,484 --> 00:43:14,654 I can handle it, even without the better half of the tag team. 680 00:43:14,737 --> 00:43:17,073 I know, honey. I'm just worried. I've never left the kids-- 681 00:43:17,115 --> 00:43:20,118 - Honey, it's three days! - I know. 682 00:43:20,159 --> 00:43:22,245 I'm just-- I'm gonna miss 'em. 683 00:43:22,328 --> 00:43:25,039 Okay, I froze some dinners. And make sure they get to school on time. 684 00:43:25,123 --> 00:43:27,542 It's their first day, so you know how nervous they're gonna be, all right? 685 00:43:27,625 --> 00:43:30,253 And, kids, don't worry. Mom can be back from New York in two hours if something happens. 686 00:43:30,336 --> 00:43:32,672 Really, it's only one hour with the time difference. 687 00:43:32,755 --> 00:43:35,758 All right, I hugged everybody. I love you all. One more hug, and you guys pass it on. 688 00:43:35,842 --> 00:43:37,969 All right? All right, thank you, sweetheart. 689 00:43:38,052 --> 00:43:39,971 - I love you. - I love you too. 690 00:43:40,054 --> 00:43:43,224 - Okay. All right. Do I have everything? - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 691 00:43:43,308 --> 00:43:45,310 All right. 692 00:43:45,393 --> 00:43:47,437 - Bye, Mom. - Bye. 693 00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:49,772 - I love you. - Yeah, yeah. 694 00:43:49,856 --> 00:43:52,609 Have a safe flight. 695 00:43:52,650 --> 00:43:55,945 Got the whole neighborhood out to say good-bye, huh? 696 00:43:57,196 --> 00:43:59,782 [ Kim ] Bye, Mom! 697 00:44:03,328 --> 00:44:05,788 Little vampires, my plan worked. 698 00:44:05,830 --> 00:44:09,042 She's gone. Now I can raise you children the way I want to! 699 00:44:09,125 --> 00:44:12,503 [ Sinister Laughter] 700 00:44:14,005 --> 00:44:15,965 Come on. It's gonna be fun. I mean, your dream has come true. 701 00:44:16,049 --> 00:44:17,967 Mom's gone. Weak old Dad is here. 702 00:44:18,051 --> 00:44:20,637 You can get away with murder. You can do anything you want. 703 00:44:21,679 --> 00:44:23,640 Dylan's birthday party is coming up. 704 00:44:23,681 --> 00:44:28,978 You can get all hopped up on ice cream and sugar and cake and go crazy. 705 00:44:33,816 --> 00:44:36,527 [ Tom ] You kids are gonna do great today, I promise. 706 00:44:55,797 --> 00:44:58,675 What is that? 707 00:45:01,594 --> 00:45:03,763 Moo! 708 00:45:03,846 --> 00:45:06,057 [ Laughter ] 709 00:45:06,140 --> 00:45:09,060 I guess he's the funniest guy in the herd. 710 00:45:10,144 --> 00:45:12,063 [ Alarm Blaring ] 711 00:45:12,146 --> 00:45:14,565 [ All Laughing ] 712 00:45:23,908 --> 00:45:27,036 Walk much? 713 00:45:27,078 --> 00:45:30,039 [ Laughing ] 714 00:45:47,932 --> 00:45:49,559 - Hi! - Hey! 715 00:45:49,601 --> 00:45:53,563 - Look at you, Diane. - Look at you. You did not have 1 2 kids. 716 00:45:53,605 --> 00:45:55,815 - Yes, I did. - Girl, I can't even manage a boyfriend. 717 00:45:55,898 --> 00:45:58,610 - Well, who can? Look at this room! - Oh, it's great. 718 00:45:58,693 --> 00:46:02,530 - Isn't it great? - Listen, we've got big plans for the book. 719 00:46:02,614 --> 00:46:04,574 - Really? I'm so-- - Ta-da! 720 00:46:04,657 --> 00:46:06,576 Oh, come on! Look at it! 721 00:46:06,618 --> 00:46:10,079 - Isn't it great? - It's fantastic. I love it. Look at this. 722 00:46:10,163 --> 00:46:12,665 The company wants it in stores by Christmas. 723 00:46:12,749 --> 00:46:14,667 - Christmas? - Yes. So, tomorrow... 724 00:46:14,751 --> 00:46:17,170 the marketing people will bring you up to speed on the book tour. 725 00:46:18,379 --> 00:46:21,215 - A-A book tour? - Yes. We've got talk shows... 726 00:46:21,299 --> 00:46:23,301 book signings, personal appearances. 727 00:46:23,384 --> 00:46:25,345 And it's only gonna take a couple of weeks. 728 00:46:25,428 --> 00:46:29,599 Couple of weeks? Oh, no. I can't be away from the kids that long. 729 00:46:30,934 --> 00:46:34,687 Well, if there's no book tour, then there's no book. 730 00:46:36,481 --> 00:46:38,441 - Two weeks? - Kate... 731 00:46:38,483 --> 00:46:41,402 you've been the primary caregiver for, what, 22 years? 732 00:46:41,486 --> 00:46:43,780 Can't Tom handle the kids for a while? 733 00:46:43,821 --> 00:46:46,574 - [ Rock ] - [ Gunner Barking ] 734 00:46:56,918 --> 00:46:59,128 They're all going to end up on milk cartons. 735 00:47:11,641 --> 00:47:14,143 Gil-- Gil, Decker and Rico are playing too loose at the corners. 736 00:47:14,227 --> 00:47:16,145 - We need to pull them in. - [ Beeping ] 737 00:47:16,229 --> 00:47:19,732 Sarah, dishwasher! I'll-I'll come by tomorrow after I drop the kids off at school... 738 00:47:19,816 --> 00:47:21,985 and we can talk out some offense variations. 739 00:47:22,026 --> 00:47:23,778 All right. No, I gotta go. I gotta go. 740 00:47:23,861 --> 00:47:28,658 Dad, Nigel hit Kim with a dart, and I assume he will be punished. 741 00:47:28,741 --> 00:47:30,702 Uh, Jake, get me a Band-Aid, okay? Here, here. 742 00:47:30,785 --> 00:47:32,704 Go stir. You like to stir. Here, let's take a look at it. 743 00:47:32,787 --> 00:47:34,706 Let's take a look, see if it's okay. [ Gasps ] 744 00:47:34,789 --> 00:47:38,001 - Oh, no, I'm just kidding. It's actually not-- - Uh, Dad? 745 00:47:38,042 --> 00:47:40,253 - Yeah? - This goo's on fire. 746 00:47:40,336 --> 00:47:44,799 Oh, no, no. That's the way Daddy likes it! Likes it hot and nice and spicy! 747 00:47:44,882 --> 00:47:49,095 Yeah. Here we go. There we go. Got it. All right. 748 00:47:49,178 --> 00:47:51,848 - Hey, Dad. - Oh, good. Can you get a Band-Aid? 749 00:47:51,889 --> 00:47:55,184 - No need to say hello. - Not one other kid in this neighborhood does chores. 750 00:47:55,268 --> 00:47:57,604 Well, we're not like any other family in the neighborhood. 751 00:47:57,687 --> 00:48:00,565 Right. So, why do we live here? 752 00:48:00,648 --> 00:48:02,400 Dishwasher, now! 753 00:48:02,483 --> 00:48:06,195 Jessica, can you get these plates and put 'em on the table, please? 754 00:48:06,237 --> 00:48:10,199 Oh, God. What the-- Mike's athletic cup? 755 00:48:10,241 --> 00:48:12,201 Ow! 756 00:48:12,243 --> 00:48:16,247 Oh! Pasta de la Crotch. 757 00:48:21,586 --> 00:48:24,589 - Is that blood? - No, it's just a-- 758 00:48:24,672 --> 00:48:27,175 [ Vomits ] 759 00:48:27,258 --> 00:48:32,722 Oh! Clean-up on aisle 1 2! Anybody? 760 00:48:32,764 --> 00:48:35,892 You need help cleaning up, Dad? [ Yells ] 761 00:48:35,975 --> 00:48:39,270 - I'm in puke! - Are you all right? 762 00:48:39,354 --> 00:48:43,358 - Still need help cleaning up? - No, you mopped it up enough with your back. 763 00:48:43,441 --> 00:48:45,401 [ Vomits ] 764 00:48:45,443 --> 00:48:49,447 Oh, disgusting! Where's the Band-Aid? 765 00:48:49,530 --> 00:48:53,242 - [ Kim ] Dad, it still hurts. - Oh, here, let me look. Let me look. 766 00:48:53,284 --> 00:48:55,578 Nora, where's that Band-- 767 00:48:55,620 --> 00:48:58,164 Jake put a bucket on Jessica's head, and it's stuck. 768 00:48:58,248 --> 00:49:00,124 And when they have a free moment, let my parents know that... 769 00:49:00,208 --> 00:49:02,835 I came by to tell 'em I got a job today at an ad agency. 770 00:49:02,919 --> 00:49:06,089 Nora-- Nora! 771 00:49:08,174 --> 00:49:11,177 - Dad, a little help here.! - Nora! 772 00:49:11,261 --> 00:49:13,471 - Nora.! - [ Gasping ] 773 00:49:13,554 --> 00:49:16,015 [ Yells ] 774 00:49:17,225 --> 00:49:19,143 - Are you all right? - [ Groans ] 775 00:49:19,227 --> 00:49:21,771 - You are in over your head, mister! - I'm so sorry. 776 00:49:21,854 --> 00:49:24,399 I mean, I will-- I will call-- It's just my wife is out of town. 777 00:49:24,482 --> 00:49:26,609 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Come here. Come here. 778 00:49:26,651 --> 00:49:30,613 - Dad, can I kill Jake now? - No, you finish washing the car first. 779 00:49:30,697 --> 00:49:33,283 - Dad, can you get this Band-Aid on me? - Yes, yes. Come on. Come on. 780 00:49:33,366 --> 00:49:36,202 - Let's go. Okay, come on. Everything will be all right. - [Jessica ] Oh, Jake? 781 00:49:36,286 --> 00:49:39,122 - Give me the Band-Aid. - That's the last time you put a bucket on my head.! 782 00:49:39,163 --> 00:49:41,165 - Does that hurt? Okay, good. - [ Gunner Barking ] 783 00:49:41,207 --> 00:49:44,127 - There it is. All right, good. Good. - [ Telephone Ringing ] 784 00:49:44,210 --> 00:49:46,379 [ Nigel ] Hey, Nigel, wanna play darts? 785 00:49:46,462 --> 00:49:49,215 No! No playing darts! I told you that! 786 00:49:50,466 --> 00:49:52,719 - Hello? - Hi. How's it goin'? 787 00:49:52,802 --> 00:49:55,179 Oh, everything's fine. I'm just, uh-- I'm just here. I'm just, uh, making dinner. 788 00:49:55,263 --> 00:49:57,974 - Yeah. - Dad, check me out.! 789 00:49:58,016 --> 00:50:01,811 - Isn't this awesome? [ Yelling ] - How are you? 790 00:50:01,894 --> 00:50:03,813 - Good, I guess. - [ Sarah ] Sorry, Dad.! 791 00:50:03,855 --> 00:50:05,982 I mean, it's kind of weird having all this free time. 792 00:50:06,065 --> 00:50:09,611 - You sure everything's all right, honey? - Oh, honey, everything's fine. 793 00:50:09,694 --> 00:50:12,030 - [ Both Yelling ] - I can handle it. 794 00:50:12,113 --> 00:50:14,991 All right, you know, I'm just used to tag-teaming to manage the mob. 795 00:50:15,033 --> 00:50:17,535 - So I thought-- - Oh, no. They're like kittens. 796 00:50:17,619 --> 00:50:19,662 - Whoa! - [ Sarah ] Sorry, Dad.! 797 00:50:19,746 --> 00:50:23,499 Uh, well, this might be a good time then to talk about me staying a few extra days. 798 00:50:23,541 --> 00:50:28,338 - What? A few extra days? - Uh, 1 4, give or take. 799 00:50:28,379 --> 00:50:31,174 [ Whispering Loudly ] What did I say about throwing darts? 800 00:50:31,215 --> 00:50:33,676 That's a lot of days, Kate, and a couple of key games. 801 00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:37,013 All right, but I have a plan. If we just take it one day at a time... 802 00:50:37,096 --> 00:50:39,223 and if you start to get overwhelmed or the kids stage a coup... 803 00:50:39,307 --> 00:50:41,225 you call me up, I'm home, end of trip. 804 00:50:41,309 --> 00:50:44,729 Well, uh, s-s-sounds good. Sounds good. 805 00:50:44,812 --> 00:50:46,731 - [ Both Giggling ] - Got him in the face! 806 00:50:46,814 --> 00:50:50,360 Okay, honey, thanks for doin' this. Give me someone. 807 00:50:50,443 --> 00:50:54,030 Oh. Hey, uh, you know what? They're doing homework right now... 808 00:50:54,113 --> 00:50:58,868 and it's that math, uh, trig-- “trigadronomy” thing that you and I just aren't very good at. 809 00:50:58,952 --> 00:51:02,747 And it's the sweetest thing. They formed a little study group... 810 00:51:02,830 --> 00:51:06,417 and they're helping each other, and, uh, it's like a little mini, uh... 811 00:51:06,501 --> 00:51:10,296 - think tank thing. - [ Nigel, Kyle Laughing ] 812 00:51:10,380 --> 00:51:12,507 And I'd just hate to break that up. 813 00:51:12,590 --> 00:51:16,302 Well, give everyone my love, and you call me right after dinner, okay? 814 00:51:16,386 --> 00:51:18,304 - Okay. Will do. - Bye. - [ Glass Shattering ] 815 00:51:18,388 --> 00:51:21,182 - Bye. - [ Nigel ] Come on, Dad. Don't hide in the closet. 816 00:51:21,266 --> 00:51:23,393 [ Kyle ] Take it like a man.! 817 00:51:23,434 --> 00:51:25,395 Two weeks'll go by in no time, guys. You'll see. 818 00:51:25,436 --> 00:51:28,022 [Jessica, Kim ] Yeah, right.! 819 00:51:28,106 --> 00:51:30,483 Yeah, right. 820 00:51:32,151 --> 00:51:34,904 - [ Knocking ] - Yeah? 821 00:51:34,946 --> 00:51:36,531 - Hey. - What's up? 822 00:51:36,614 --> 00:51:38,741 - Okay? - Come in. 823 00:51:40,034 --> 00:51:41,953 [ Clears Throat ] 824 00:51:42,036 --> 00:51:45,498 Look, your mom's not coming home for a couple of weeks. 825 00:51:47,834 --> 00:51:50,545 What? 826 00:51:50,628 --> 00:51:53,381 Okay. Up till now, I've been, like, mellow... 827 00:51:53,464 --> 00:51:57,385 about this whole having-it-all lifestyle that you and Mom are currently into... 828 00:51:57,468 --> 00:52:00,597 “A,” because Sarah has the drama queen role totally covered... 829 00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:04,100 and “B,” because I've benefited from your salary spike... 830 00:52:04,142 --> 00:52:07,395 in various shallow but nonetheless pleasing ways. 831 00:52:07,478 --> 00:52:11,816 But, Dad, check it out. This afternoon, Mike was repelling from the roof... 832 00:52:11,899 --> 00:52:13,610 Nigel was using Kim as a human dartboard... 833 00:52:13,693 --> 00:52:16,362 and you employed your son as a vomit mop. 834 00:52:16,446 --> 00:52:20,825 Call me crazy, Pops, but things are getting pretty twisted around here. 835 00:52:20,908 --> 00:52:23,536 I need to hire some help. 836 00:52:23,620 --> 00:52:26,956 As in a babysitter? Okay, that is so not happening. 837 00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:29,709 Dad, just call Mom and tell her we need her back home. 838 00:52:29,792 --> 00:52:32,253 I just can't do that right now, not with all the work she's done. 839 00:52:32,337 --> 00:52:34,297 It just wouldn't be fair. 840 00:52:34,339 --> 00:52:37,634 Well, then why don't you spend more time at home? 841 00:52:37,717 --> 00:52:40,303 Honey, that's just not an option right now. 842 00:52:40,386 --> 00:52:43,139 I've got a big job, a job that I love. 843 00:52:43,222 --> 00:52:45,516 I'm gonna have to call in some backup. 844 00:52:53,191 --> 00:52:55,026 [ Tom ] Hello. 845 00:52:55,109 --> 00:52:58,947 Uh, my name is Tom Baker, and I'm interested in hiring a domestic helper. 846 00:52:59,030 --> 00:53:02,951 Um, I have 1 2 children. 847 00:53:04,327 --> 00:53:06,246 Actually, I'm serious. 848 00:53:06,329 --> 00:53:08,665 -Just 1 2. - Twelve. 849 00:53:08,748 --> 00:53:11,209 There's only two. Oh, plus 1 0. 850 00:53:11,292 --> 00:53:14,671 How many kids? Well, uh, when you get here we can just count 'em up. 851 00:53:14,754 --> 00:53:16,714 Well, there's 1 2. But one doesn't live with me... 852 00:53:16,798 --> 00:53:18,716 and one you never see 'cause he's so mad. 853 00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:20,260 Uh, a dozen? 854 00:53:30,395 --> 00:53:33,815 Just-Just-Just 1 2. 855 00:53:33,898 --> 00:53:37,193 Hello. I'll just hang up on myself. 856 00:53:39,570 --> 00:53:41,864 [ Rock On Radio ] 857 00:54:02,927 --> 00:54:05,013 - Hey, Dad. - Hey, Mike. What's up? 858 00:54:05,096 --> 00:54:08,224 - It's Mark. - Right. Mark. What's up? 859 00:54:08,266 --> 00:54:10,268 I don't get this math homework. 860 00:54:11,811 --> 00:54:14,814 Hey, you know what? I've got a game I'm not nearly prepared for. 861 00:54:14,897 --> 00:54:16,816 Could you go ask one of your sisters to help you? 862 00:54:16,899 --> 00:54:20,069 Yeah. Okay. 863 00:54:27,201 --> 00:54:30,204 [ Groans ] Forget it. 864 00:54:35,293 --> 00:54:37,503 Hello. Yeah, could you do me a favor... 865 00:54:37,587 --> 00:54:42,926 and send up 1 2 pillows to 504? 866 00:54:42,967 --> 00:54:44,928 Yes. [ Sighs ] 867 00:54:44,969 --> 00:54:47,096 Thank you. 868 00:54:47,180 --> 00:54:49,474 Mmm. That'll be good. 869 00:54:54,270 --> 00:54:57,273 “Hey, kids, I had to get to work. 870 00:54:57,357 --> 00:54:59,275 “Lorraine and Kim, you're in charge of breakfast. 871 00:54:59,359 --> 00:55:04,280 Henry and Jake, lunches. Charlie, handle drop-offs.” 872 00:55:04,364 --> 00:55:07,116 - [ Bell Ringing ] - Come on, Charlie. We're gonna be late. 873 00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:10,203 Cute car seats, Baker. [ Chuckles ] 874 00:55:10,286 --> 00:55:12,455 You know, we had to take our little brothers to nursery school... 875 00:55:12,538 --> 00:55:14,540 if that's okay with you. 876 00:55:14,624 --> 00:55:17,168 What happened? Did-Did Mommy and Daddy go back to the farm? 877 00:55:17,252 --> 00:55:20,505 You know what? This whole “harass the hick” thing's getting pretty old. 878 00:55:20,588 --> 00:55:22,632 Actually, I'm just gettin' started. 879 00:55:22,715 --> 00:55:24,300 - Yeah? What else you got? - Yeah. 880 00:55:24,384 --> 00:55:26,302 - You don't wanna know, man. - Oh, I wanna know. 881 00:55:26,386 --> 00:55:29,347 Charlie! Charlie, Charlie, stop. 882 00:55:29,430 --> 00:55:31,683 Stop. Just let it go, okay? Please. 883 00:55:31,766 --> 00:55:34,310 Yeah, Charlie. Let it go, and go... 884 00:55:34,394 --> 00:55:36,604 - all the way back to Podunk. - [ Girl Chuckles ] 885 00:55:36,688 --> 00:55:39,774 - Charlie, go. - Go. 886 00:55:39,857 --> 00:55:42,402 [ Laughter ] 887 00:55:42,485 --> 00:55:45,196 Hey, Gil, I got a real shot with this team. 888 00:55:45,280 --> 00:55:47,532 They're 2-0. They're rising in the national standings... 889 00:55:47,615 --> 00:55:49,534 and they're taking nothing for granted. 890 00:55:49,617 --> 00:55:54,122 - Hey, Coach. - Hey, teenager, what's up? 891 00:55:54,205 --> 00:55:56,791 - We need to talk. - Sure. 892 00:55:59,836 --> 00:56:02,505 - Look, Dad, um-- - Hey, guys, knock it off!. 893 00:56:02,547 --> 00:56:04,549 [ Boy ] All right, Coach.! 894 00:56:06,092 --> 00:56:09,470 I know you're all lit up about this new job... 895 00:56:09,554 --> 00:56:11,848 - but my new school-- - The press is waiting, Bake! 896 00:56:11,889 --> 00:56:15,476 - They're out there now? - Yeah. Come on. Get dressed. - Hey, can we do this later? 897 00:56:38,458 --> 00:56:40,668 Hey, kids. How was your day at school? 898 00:56:40,752 --> 00:56:45,048 I'd say the high point was that you're only 45 minutes late picking us up. 899 00:56:45,089 --> 00:56:47,926 Hey, you know what? There was a pep rally at school today. 900 00:56:48,009 --> 00:56:51,304 There were 20,000 people in the stands, and I just couldn't leave. 901 00:56:51,387 --> 00:56:54,724 - Here. - Hey, you did a drawing. 902 00:56:55,850 --> 00:56:58,227 “My favorite place in the world--” 903 00:57:00,730 --> 00:57:02,565 Is that the Midland house? 904 00:57:15,411 --> 00:57:17,664 President Gerhard and I have been waiting for a half an hour. 905 00:57:17,747 --> 00:57:19,666 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I had to-- 906 00:57:19,749 --> 00:57:21,709 I know you have responsibilities at home, Bake, but this is it. 907 00:57:21,793 --> 00:57:24,170 This is your shot, your moment, not theirs. 908 00:57:24,254 --> 00:57:27,090 What's the matter with you? What are you doing? 909 00:57:27,173 --> 00:57:29,634 You've wanted this for as long as I've known you. 910 00:57:29,717 --> 00:57:32,136 [ Sighs ] I just don't want to see you blow it. 911 00:57:33,721 --> 00:57:35,640 I'll work something out. 912 00:57:35,723 --> 00:57:39,352 It's hard to believe someone as staggeringly beautiful as you... 913 00:57:39,435 --> 00:57:43,189 could deliver 1 2 children and still look as yummy as you do. 914 00:57:43,273 --> 00:57:45,942 [ Laughing ] Oh, that's so sweet. 915 00:57:45,984 --> 00:57:48,319 I guess the camera can't see my hips. 916 00:57:48,403 --> 00:57:51,281 [ Kelly ] Tell us, did you have them conventionally? 917 00:57:51,364 --> 00:57:53,658 [ Audience Laughing ] 918 00:57:55,577 --> 00:57:57,996 [ Chuckles ] 919 00:57:58,079 --> 00:58:01,165 Well, uh, after the sixth one, they just kind of walked out. 920 00:58:01,249 --> 00:58:04,961 - [ Audience Laughing ] - Why don't you read us a little something from your book? 921 00:58:05,044 --> 00:58:08,381 Oh, I don't know. No. People can just buy it and then read it. 922 00:58:08,464 --> 00:58:11,426 - Oh, come on. - The audience wants it. 923 00:58:11,467 --> 00:58:14,304 - [ Audience Cheering ] - Oh, all right. Okay. 924 00:58:14,345 --> 00:58:16,514 [ Clears Throat ] “Some, uh, call me a mom. 925 00:58:16,598 --> 00:58:18,850 “Others call me a primary caregiver. 926 00:58:18,933 --> 00:58:21,394 But they both mean the same thing: chauffeur.” 927 00:58:21,477 --> 00:58:24,522 You know, it sounds like you and your husband have things under control at home. 928 00:58:24,606 --> 00:58:27,233 Oh, well, I'm lucky to have him. We sure do. 929 00:58:27,317 --> 00:58:30,028 Kids, on the carpet! Now! 930 00:58:35,199 --> 00:58:38,077 [ Gasps ] Dad! 931 00:58:38,161 --> 00:58:41,873 College guys? [ Gasps, Squeals ] 932 00:58:41,956 --> 00:58:44,918 - What's goin' on here? - Where's Charlie? 933 00:58:45,001 --> 00:58:48,755 -He went to Midland for the day. -Midland? It's a school day. 934 00:58:48,838 --> 00:58:52,258 - He hates school. - 'Course you couldn't know that 'cause you're never home. 935 00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:56,054 Well, that is about to change, Sarah Baker. 936 00:58:56,137 --> 00:58:59,223 Because since I can't go to work without you guys getting in trouble... 937 00:58:59,307 --> 00:59:02,352 and since I can't stay home without Shake bugging me... 938 00:59:02,435 --> 00:59:04,479 I have brought my work home with me. 939 00:59:04,520 --> 00:59:06,522 Guys, meet the family. Family, meet the team. 940 00:59:06,606 --> 00:59:08,858 - 'Sup, boys? - What's up? 941 00:59:08,900 --> 00:59:11,861 Okay, we will be in the living room. We got a lot of work to do. 942 00:59:11,903 --> 00:59:14,906 I don't want any interruptions unless it's an emergency. Clear? 943 00:59:16,157 --> 00:59:19,035 Okay. Now go do your homework. Let's go, guys. 944 00:59:24,624 --> 00:59:27,961 [ Tom ] All right, first team, line up.! 945 00:59:28,044 --> 00:59:30,129 [ Grunting ] 946 00:59:30,213 --> 00:59:32,340 Good. Good. Good. 947 00:59:32,423 --> 00:59:36,344 But you hit 'em too high. You wanna hit 'em low. 948 00:59:36,427 --> 00:59:40,848 [ Indistinct Shouting ] 949 00:59:40,932 --> 00:59:43,393 Twenty-four. 950 00:59:49,065 --> 00:59:53,987 Dad, come on! 951 00:59:54,070 --> 00:59:57,323 Hey, how's New York? 952 01:00:02,412 --> 01:00:05,081 [ Together] Hi. 953 01:00:05,123 --> 01:00:08,001 Okay, I've gotta go now. 954 01:00:10,962 --> 01:00:13,923 I love you. 955 01:00:24,934 --> 01:00:28,146 [ Indistinct ] 956 01:00:28,229 --> 01:00:32,775 [ Grunting ] 957 01:00:36,321 --> 01:00:39,866 [ Indistinct ] 958 01:00:39,949 --> 01:00:42,201 [ Laughing ] 959 01:00:54,339 --> 01:00:58,468 [ Laughing ] 960 01:01:02,722 --> 01:01:04,974 Step off, missy! 961 01:01:05,058 --> 01:01:08,186 You don't talk that way unless it's with humor! 962 01:01:11,272 --> 01:01:14,692 Something tells me you had an unpleasant interaction with those boys, Mark. 963 01:01:14,776 --> 01:01:17,195 They knocked my glasses off. 964 01:01:22,909 --> 01:01:24,827 I heard you were dissing my family. 965 01:01:24,869 --> 01:01:26,829 I don't even know your family, loser. 966 01:01:26,871 --> 01:01:29,707 - You do now. - My latte! 967 01:01:29,791 --> 01:01:33,503 [ Shouting ] 968 01:01:37,882 --> 01:01:42,387 Coach, give us a quote. 969 01:01:50,436 --> 01:01:54,190 Violence begets violence. 970 01:02:01,864 --> 01:02:04,033 [ Tom ] All right, enough is enough. 971 01:02:04,117 --> 01:02:07,704 You're slacking on your chores. You're fighting at school. Things are out of control. 972 01:02:07,787 --> 01:02:11,040 As of this moment, you are all grounded. 973 01:02:11,124 --> 01:02:14,085 - What's “grounded”? - “What's grounded?” 974 01:02:14,168 --> 01:02:17,922 I'll tell you what grounded is. Except for attending games... 975 01:02:18,006 --> 01:02:20,633 you go to school; you come home from school; 976 01:02:20,717 --> 01:02:22,885 you do your homework; you do your chores; 977 01:02:22,927 --> 01:02:24,887 you go to bed; and that's it. 978 01:02:24,971 --> 01:02:28,016 - But that-- - Oh, yes, Sarah, I know. That sucks. 979 01:02:28,099 --> 01:02:31,686 - But that's the way it is. - Does this mean we can't go to Dylan's birthday party? 980 01:02:31,769 --> 01:02:35,815 -That's exactly what it means. -We bought his presents already. 981 01:02:35,898 --> 01:02:38,067 You are going to miss it! 982 01:02:40,111 --> 01:02:42,113 Now, go to bed! 983 01:03:15,521 --> 01:03:19,984 Hey, Gunner. Wanna get up on the bed, buddy? Huh? 984 01:03:20,068 --> 01:03:22,362 - Come on. - [ Groans ] 985 01:03:25,114 --> 01:03:26,616 Come on. 986 01:04:00,733 --> 01:04:03,486 [ Quiet Chattering ] 987 01:04:05,029 --> 01:04:09,659 - Hello. - Next year, let's book the Mormon Tabernacle Choir too. 988 01:04:09,742 --> 01:04:13,663 Whatever happened to pin the tail on the donkey? 989 01:04:13,705 --> 01:04:17,333 And on the end around, the guard pulls. That means you, Buttler. 990 01:04:17,417 --> 01:04:20,461 [ String Quartet ] 991 01:04:38,313 --> 01:04:41,733 I'm going to Dylan's birthday party. Who's with me? 992 01:04:41,816 --> 01:04:44,068 Yeah! 993 01:05:03,796 --> 01:05:05,715 Hi-- Oh. 994 01:05:12,805 --> 01:05:16,225 Brazilian mud viper. She gets one live rat a week. 995 01:05:21,147 --> 01:05:23,983 Hey, Dylan. Wanna play catch with the football I got you? 996 01:05:24,067 --> 01:05:27,236 Uh, my nanny'd have to check with my dad... 997 01:05:27,320 --> 01:05:31,241 who'd have to check with my mom who would say it was an inappropriate use of free time. 998 01:05:31,282 --> 01:05:34,577 Hmm. Sounds like a “yes” to me. Go get it, Mike. 999 01:05:44,712 --> 01:05:47,924 And, O'Neal, you gotta crack the first guy that shows outside. 1000 01:05:48,007 --> 01:05:50,426 [ Man Shouting ] Run, Billy.! Run.! 1001 01:05:50,510 --> 01:05:53,429 [ Children Screaming, Shouting ] 1002 01:05:53,513 --> 01:05:56,766 [ Shouting Continues ] 1003 01:06:01,479 --> 01:06:04,274 Kids? 1004 01:06:04,315 --> 01:06:06,901 [ Shouting Continues ] 1005 01:06:09,821 --> 01:06:12,907 [ Hissing ] 1006 01:06:17,120 --> 01:06:21,291 [ Laughing ] 1007 01:06:21,374 --> 01:06:23,668 Get my kids. I'll meet you at the house. 1008 01:06:23,751 --> 01:06:26,462 - Ready! - [ Together] Break! 1009 01:06:29,841 --> 01:06:33,386 - [ Laughing ] - [ Screaming ] 1010 01:06:39,225 --> 01:06:41,978 Sarah Baker, off, now! 1011 01:06:42,020 --> 01:06:44,647 - No way! - Don't make me come up there! 1012 01:06:56,534 --> 01:07:00,371 [ Man Yells ] 1013 01:07:09,505 --> 01:07:12,425 Oh, my God! It's gonna blow! 1014 01:07:12,508 --> 01:07:15,345 [ Tom Screaming ] 1015 01:07:15,386 --> 01:07:17,972 - [ Grunts ] - [ Grunts ] 1016 01:07:18,056 --> 01:07:21,184 [ Screaming Continues ] 1017 01:07:25,897 --> 01:07:29,192 - Aaaah! - [ Screams ] 1018 01:07:29,233 --> 01:07:32,195 It was my best birthday ever, Coach. 1019 01:07:32,278 --> 01:07:35,031 Your children are never playing with Dylan again! 1020 01:07:35,073 --> 01:07:37,784 - Sorry about your arm, Dylan. - [ Cell Phone Ringing ] 1021 01:07:37,867 --> 01:07:40,328 - [ Woman Continues Ranting ] - Hello, Shake. 1022 01:07:40,411 --> 01:07:42,997 Any idea what this could do to my program? Don't speak. Listen. 1023 01:07:43,081 --> 01:07:46,209 I don't want the players at your house, and I don't want your kids in the department. 1024 01:07:46,292 --> 01:07:50,463 - There he is.! - Coach! Coach! How will this impact Saturday's game? 1025 01:07:50,546 --> 01:07:54,759 Coach, what do you have to say to reports that you're simply spreading yourself too thin? 1026 01:07:54,842 --> 01:07:58,805 - Is this child care or football? - Sarah from Evanston, you're on with Kate Baker. 1027 01:07:58,888 --> 01:08:01,182 Mom, it's Sarah. 1028 01:08:01,224 --> 01:08:03,851 Hi, Sarah. Is everything okay? 1029 01:08:03,935 --> 01:08:06,771 - Come home immediately. - I wanna talk to her! 1030 01:08:06,854 --> 01:08:09,565 - No! Guys! - [ Children Shouting ] 1031 01:08:09,649 --> 01:08:12,777 - I wanna talk to her.! - Guys, stop! 1032 01:08:13,820 --> 01:08:16,489 - [ Line Beeps ] - Hello? 1033 01:08:16,573 --> 01:08:18,908 Now look what you did. 1034 01:08:27,542 --> 01:08:29,919 - Dad? - Oh, Nora. 1035 01:08:30,003 --> 01:08:32,922 Thanks for coming. Thank you, thank you. I appreciate it. 1036 01:08:32,964 --> 01:08:36,634 - You seemed kind of desperate on the phone. - Yeah. They're... everywhere. 1037 01:08:39,053 --> 01:08:41,097 You guys? 1038 01:08:57,155 --> 01:09:00,241 [ Cell Phone Ringing ] 1039 01:09:00,283 --> 01:09:03,411 - Hi. - I just talked to the kids. 1040 01:09:03,494 --> 01:09:06,122 Yes, I know everything. Dylan's in the hospital. 1041 01:09:06,205 --> 01:09:09,751 Charlie's about to be expelled. And Nora taking time off from her first job to babysit? 1042 01:09:09,834 --> 01:09:12,503 - Can we do this later, Kate? - No, Tom. 1043 01:09:12,587 --> 01:09:15,882 You promised me that you would let me know if you couldn't handle it. 1044 01:09:15,965 --> 01:09:19,510 I'm doing the best I can. Please, let's talk later. 1045 01:09:19,594 --> 01:09:22,055 Bye. 1046 01:09:26,100 --> 01:09:30,188 - What's the matter? - The book tour's over for me. I'm going home. 1047 01:09:30,271 --> 01:09:33,191 [ Sighs ] 1048 01:09:33,274 --> 01:09:36,653 [ Nora ] Get a move on, guys. We gotta get dinner on the table. 1049 01:09:38,154 --> 01:09:40,490 [ Answering Machine Rewinding, Beeping ] 1050 01:09:40,573 --> 01:09:43,493 [ Kate On Machine ] Hi. It's me. Okay, I'm coming home. 1051 01:09:43,576 --> 01:09:45,745 Now, I know this is gonna be a big strain. 1052 01:09:45,828 --> 01:09:49,290 The publishing company arranged for the Oprah Winfrey Show to tape at our house tomorrow... 1053 01:09:49,374 --> 01:09:52,335 which is, you know, great, but I'm really gonna need your help. 1054 01:09:52,377 --> 01:09:56,214 We're talking Bakers full force. Boys, you clean up the outside, ‘girls, the inside. 1055 01:09:56,297 --> 01:09:58,341 I want everybody in fancy, nice, clean clothes. 1056 01:09:58,424 --> 01:10:02,845 And, Tom, if you could please supervise this one last thing, I would really appreciate it. 1057 01:10:02,929 --> 01:10:05,348 - Okay? All right. Bye. - [ Machine Beeps ] 1058 01:10:05,431 --> 01:10:07,976 Sounds like somebody got his jimmy whipped. 1059 01:10:09,310 --> 01:10:13,815 [ Chuckles ] Jimmy whipped! 1060 01:10:13,898 --> 01:10:17,902 [ Screams, Groans ] 1061 01:10:19,195 --> 01:10:21,406 Mommy! 1062 01:10:23,157 --> 01:10:25,243 [ Clattering ] 1063 01:10:33,251 --> 01:10:37,297 [ Dog Barking ] 1064 01:11:22,091 --> 01:11:24,719 [ Croaks ] 1065 01:11:24,761 --> 01:11:27,764 Beans, you okay? 1066 01:11:31,100 --> 01:11:33,811 [ Phone Ringing ] 1067 01:11:33,895 --> 01:11:37,106 - [ Both Yelling ] - Go get dressed, guys. 1068 01:11:40,401 --> 01:11:42,403 - [ Woman On P.A., Indistinct ] - [ Tom On Phone ] Hello. 1069 01:11:42,445 --> 01:11:45,240 Oh, it's me. Yeah. My flight was delayed. They lost my luggage. 1070 01:11:45,281 --> 01:11:47,408 I'm gettin' there as soon as I can. Sorry. 1071 01:11:47,492 --> 01:11:50,870 Okay. Those are for Oprah's people! 1072 01:11:50,954 --> 01:11:54,290 - Is the house clean? - We're working on it, Kate. 1073 01:11:54,374 --> 01:11:57,835 - Okay. I'll see you when I see you. - [ Phone Beeps ] 1074 01:11:59,462 --> 01:12:02,006 Okay, guys, good job! Go inside and get cleaned up. 1075 01:12:02,090 --> 01:12:05,009 Come on! Hustle up! Hustle up! Let's go! 1076 01:12:12,141 --> 01:12:14,185 [ Snoring ] 1077 01:12:14,269 --> 01:12:16,813 [Jake ] Camera truck's here.! 1078 01:12:23,820 --> 01:12:27,490 I need warm water! Look out, Dad! 1079 01:12:27,532 --> 01:12:30,743 Don't make a mess in the kitchen! 1080 01:12:30,827 --> 01:12:33,663 - [ Knocks ] - Hello? Uh, Baker house? 1081 01:12:33,746 --> 01:12:35,748 - Yeah. You guys from Oprah? - Yes, sir. 1082 01:12:35,832 --> 01:12:38,167 - She's really gonna be here? - Any time now. 1083 01:12:38,251 --> 01:12:41,212 Okay, well, just, you know, set up anywhere. 1084 01:12:41,296 --> 01:12:43,715 - Will do. - Let's go, guys. 1085 01:12:45,842 --> 01:12:49,053 All right. Let's set up over here, guys. 1086 01:12:53,600 --> 01:12:56,853 - [ Charlie ] Knock much? - You got kicked off the team. 1087 01:12:56,936 --> 01:12:59,731 Well, look who decided to be a parent! 1088 01:12:59,814 --> 01:13:02,442 Let's check that attitude, Charlie. 1089 01:13:02,525 --> 01:13:06,362 I don't fit in this town, Dad. I'm going back to Midland. 1090 01:13:06,446 --> 01:13:10,533 You are not dropping out of school, and you are not walking out on this family. 1091 01:13:10,617 --> 01:13:12,535 What family? [ Scoffs ] 1092 01:13:12,619 --> 01:13:16,581 Since we moved here, everybody's been looking out for number one, especially you and Mom. 1093 01:13:16,664 --> 01:13:19,542 Your mother and I are doing what we think is best for everyone. 1094 01:13:19,626 --> 01:13:23,046 Whoa, whoa, whoa. You did not take this coaching job for us. 1095 01:13:23,129 --> 01:13:27,175 You took this because you were a loser in college while Shake was being a superstar. 1096 01:13:27,258 --> 01:13:31,721 If you want your shot at glory, if you wanna have it all, you do what you gotta do. 1097 01:13:31,763 --> 01:13:35,224 But quit feeding us this line about being a happier and stronger family. 1098 01:13:35,266 --> 01:13:39,562 This move was about you! And you know what? 1099 01:13:39,646 --> 01:13:44,776 I don't have to sit here and pay the price for your life choices. I'm leaving. 1100 01:13:47,445 --> 01:13:49,572 You're staying. 1101 01:13:49,656 --> 01:13:51,699 Are you gonna make me? 1102 01:13:53,826 --> 01:13:57,330 Charlie, I love you. 1103 01:13:57,413 --> 01:14:01,000 I want you to have the best life you can have. 1104 01:14:01,084 --> 01:14:03,920 And that means you're getting a diploma. 1105 01:14:06,589 --> 01:14:10,260 When I graduate, I'm gone. 1106 01:14:15,306 --> 01:14:19,477 Hey, Charlie, am I looking okay for national TV? 1107 01:14:21,020 --> 01:14:24,649 You know, you turned into a jerk when we moved here! 1108 01:14:24,732 --> 01:14:28,611 - [ Door Closes ] - Everybody turned into a jerk when we moved here. 1109 01:14:35,201 --> 01:14:37,287 [ Engine Starts ] 1110 01:14:41,207 --> 01:14:43,793 Charlie? 1111 01:14:45,461 --> 01:14:47,839 [ Lorraine ] Mom's home.! 1112 01:14:47,922 --> 01:14:49,882 - Mommy! - Mommy! 1113 01:14:52,385 --> 01:14:54,971 - Mommy! Never go away again! - Hi. 1114 01:14:55,054 --> 01:14:57,473 - Mom, listen up. Here's the sizzle. - I missed you, honey. 1115 01:14:57,557 --> 01:15:00,393 Okay, Dad is stressed to the point of a total meltdown. 1116 01:15:00,476 --> 01:15:03,146 Charlie's like a half a step away from juvie, and Mark's-- 1117 01:15:03,229 --> 01:15:05,982 Okay. Oprah's coming. We'll talk about it later. Here we go. 1118 01:15:06,065 --> 01:15:08,985 - Whatever. - I just wanna get everything ready. 1119 01:15:09,027 --> 01:15:11,321 - What's the deal with Charlie? - Fine, thanks. How are you? 1120 01:15:11,362 --> 01:15:14,866 - I'm sorry. Hi. - Hi. Charlie got kicked off the football team. 1121 01:15:14,949 --> 01:15:17,327 - What? - Don't worry. I'm handling it. 1122 01:15:17,410 --> 01:15:20,872 - [ Knocking ] - [ Sighs ] 1123 01:15:20,955 --> 01:15:24,834 Shake. President Gerhard. 1124 01:15:24,876 --> 01:15:26,836 - Tom. - Tom, we need a minute. 1125 01:15:26,878 --> 01:15:31,507 - [ Croaking ] - Please don't die, Beans. 1126 01:15:31,591 --> 01:15:35,678 The university is prepared to make an investment in the program... 1127 01:15:35,762 --> 01:15:37,680 but we want some assurances. 1128 01:15:37,764 --> 01:15:41,225 - What does that mean? - We wanna know you're committed to the football program. 1129 01:15:41,309 --> 01:15:45,772 You have to decide who's making the bacon and who's cooking it. 1130 01:15:45,855 --> 01:15:48,358 [ Shake ] So what's it gonna be, Tom? 1131 01:15:48,441 --> 01:15:50,526 Tom, didn't you pick up my dry cleaning? 1132 01:15:50,610 --> 01:15:53,196 Yes, dear. It's in the front closet. 1133 01:15:53,279 --> 01:15:56,532 Well, I guess the wife just answered our question. 1134 01:15:56,616 --> 01:15:59,786 The wife's name is Kate, Shake. 1135 01:16:01,162 --> 01:16:04,040 What a wiener. 1136 01:16:05,959 --> 01:16:09,504 We want an answer by Monday, Tom. This meeting's over. 1137 01:16:19,222 --> 01:16:21,557 [ Toys Squeaking ] 1138 01:16:21,599 --> 01:16:24,018 I'm all right. 1139 01:16:27,063 --> 01:16:29,482 [ Doll's Voice ] I love you. 1140 01:16:29,565 --> 01:16:32,235 I'm gonna go get ready. 1141 01:16:32,318 --> 01:16:35,238 - [ Gasps ] - Sorry, Dad. 1142 01:16:43,288 --> 01:16:45,540 What's this? 1143 01:16:45,582 --> 01:16:48,251 Hank slept over. Do you have a problem with that? 1144 01:16:48,334 --> 01:16:51,754 Yes, I have a problem with that! This house is G-rated. 1145 01:16:51,796 --> 01:16:54,757 Whoa, chief. Look, Nora's a big girl. 1146 01:16:54,841 --> 01:16:57,844 Now would be an excellent time... 1147 01:16:57,927 --> 01:17:01,764 for you to be very, very quiet... 1148 01:17:01,848 --> 01:17:03,766 chief. 1149 01:17:05,184 --> 01:17:07,979 Now, get dressed and get downstairs. 1150 01:17:09,188 --> 01:17:11,107 Whoa. 1151 01:17:14,068 --> 01:17:17,196 I just-- I can't believe you let things get this bad around here. 1152 01:17:17,280 --> 01:17:19,365 - I can't believe it. - What can I say? 1153 01:17:19,449 --> 01:17:22,118 You didn't pick the perfect moment to have a career. 1154 01:17:22,201 --> 01:17:24,662 Oh, okay, yeah. I'm not even gonna touch that hypocrisy. 1155 01:17:24,746 --> 01:17:27,540 You told me to go to New York. Mr. I Can Handle It. 1156 01:17:27,624 --> 01:17:30,543 “Everything'll be okay. Go, Kate!” Help me, would you? 1157 01:17:30,627 --> 01:17:33,963 So you're telling me you didn't want to go to New York? 1158 01:17:34,005 --> 01:17:36,799 No. I want a lot of things. So do you. 1159 01:17:36,841 --> 01:17:40,428 - That's the problem. - This isn't working. 1160 01:17:40,511 --> 01:17:44,557 - Yeah. That's my point. - I meant the zipper. 1161 01:17:49,812 --> 01:17:52,732 Let's just get through the next hour, okay? 1162 01:17:52,815 --> 01:17:55,193 - Fine. - Fine. 1163 01:17:56,736 --> 01:17:59,656 [ Kate ] Okay, everybody. I know it's been a difficult day... 1164 01:17:59,739 --> 01:18:03,993 but I need all of you, and I would appreciate it if you could just put on happy faces. 1165 01:18:04,035 --> 01:18:06,537 Everything's great. We're a big, happy family. 1166 01:18:06,621 --> 01:18:09,540 If you can remember the lines I told you to say to Oprah. 1167 01:18:09,624 --> 01:18:13,336 If you can't remember, don't say anything. Big smiles. Let me see 'em. 1168 01:18:13,378 --> 01:18:16,589 Mom, Beans is dead. 1169 01:18:16,673 --> 01:18:18,925 Nobody cares about your stupid frog, FedEx. 1170 01:18:19,008 --> 01:18:21,386 Stop calling me that! 1171 01:18:21,469 --> 01:18:26,015 - [ Children Yelling ] - Don't you dare call him that.! 1172 01:18:26,099 --> 01:18:29,060 [ Yelling Continues ] 1173 01:18:29,143 --> 01:18:31,896 - [ Tom ] All right.! Hey.! - Stop it! Stop it! 1174 01:18:31,980 --> 01:18:34,357 What's the name of this segment again? 1175 01:18:34,399 --> 01:18:36,776 Uh, “One Big Happy Family.” 1176 01:18:36,859 --> 01:18:39,445 Okay, I'm calling Oprah's people right now. 1177 01:18:39,529 --> 01:18:42,782 All I'm saying is, families are inevitable. 1178 01:18:42,865 --> 01:18:45,368 It's like death or taxes. 1179 01:18:45,451 --> 01:18:47,870 Does that mean you don't want children? 1180 01:18:47,912 --> 01:18:50,248 - [ Kate ] Leave him alone.! - Hello! 1181 01:18:50,331 --> 01:18:53,042 Look at these-- They're monsters! 1182 01:18:53,126 --> 01:18:57,964 - [ Yelling Continues ] - Honey, you can't want this. That's why you're with me. 1183 01:19:00,091 --> 01:19:03,052 Nora.! Come on.! We need you down here.! 1184 01:19:03,136 --> 01:19:05,388 [ Lorraine ] You're stepping on me.! Stop.! 1185 01:19:05,430 --> 01:19:08,433 [ Kate ] Nigel, get off your brother's head.! 1186 01:19:08,516 --> 01:19:11,436 Get off me! Nobody cares about me! 1187 01:19:11,519 --> 01:19:14,188 - Nobody cares about me! - Mark, what's going on? 1188 01:19:14,230 --> 01:19:16,983 - Mark.! Mark.! - What are you talking about? 1189 01:19:17,066 --> 01:19:20,945 - I'm perfect! I've never done anything like this before! - No! None of that! 1190 01:19:21,029 --> 01:19:25,116 - Hey! Hey! - No, you do not want to come down here. 1191 01:19:25,199 --> 01:19:27,994 No, it's the farthest thing from a happy family. 1192 01:19:28,077 --> 01:19:29,996 [ Yelling Continues ] 1193 01:19:30,079 --> 01:19:32,415 Why am I the only normal person in the family? 1194 01:20:06,115 --> 01:20:08,326 Feel free to sleep on the couch. 1195 01:20:08,409 --> 01:20:11,037 You read my mind. 1196 01:20:11,120 --> 01:20:15,333 Daddy, are you and Mommy gonna get a divorce? 1197 01:20:18,378 --> 01:20:22,298 Come here. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1198 01:20:22,340 --> 01:20:24,300 Mark's gone. 1199 01:20:28,471 --> 01:20:30,431 [ Knocking ] 1200 01:20:30,515 --> 01:20:32,517 - Mark's gone. - What? 1201 01:20:32,600 --> 01:20:35,478 Hey, Dad. 1202 01:20:35,561 --> 01:20:38,564 What I said before-- I was out of line. 1203 01:20:38,648 --> 01:20:40,858 Forget it. 1204 01:20:40,942 --> 01:20:43,861 You were right. 1205 01:20:46,364 --> 01:20:50,451 - [ Gunner Barking ] - [ Children Yelling ] Mark! 1206 01:20:59,043 --> 01:21:02,380 - [ Phone Ringing ] - Hello. 1207 01:21:02,463 --> 01:21:05,216 Hey, Mark ran away. Is he with you? 1208 01:21:05,300 --> 01:21:08,011 No. We'll come help you look. 1209 01:21:11,472 --> 01:21:15,727 There's me! Oh. [ Chuckles ] 1210 01:21:15,810 --> 01:21:19,022 - Mark's missing. - Oh. 1211 01:21:19,105 --> 01:21:22,108 [ TV Narrator ] Take it to the max. Tommy Max. 1212 01:21:22,191 --> 01:21:24,360 Let's go. 1213 01:21:24,444 --> 01:21:26,863 I look great. 1214 01:21:26,905 --> 01:21:29,866 Did you not hear me? My brother is missing! 1215 01:21:29,949 --> 01:21:32,368 No. Did you not hear me? I'm on TV! 1216 01:21:39,042 --> 01:21:40,960 What was that for? 1217 01:21:44,255 --> 01:21:46,215 Oh. What do you want? 1218 01:21:46,257 --> 01:21:49,427 My son Mark ran away. He's not here, is he? 1219 01:21:49,510 --> 01:21:52,722 I always knew one of your kids would land on a milk carton. 1220 01:21:52,764 --> 01:21:55,391 Twelve is just too big a number. 1221 01:21:55,475 --> 01:21:59,395 - We'll help you look for him. - It's-It's past Dylan's bedtime. 1222 01:21:59,479 --> 01:22:02,398 We're gonna look for him, Tina. 1223 01:22:02,440 --> 01:22:04,234 - Thank you. - Sure. 1224 01:22:05,735 --> 01:22:09,197 Let the police handle it! You'll never find him! 1225 01:22:09,239 --> 01:22:12,992 Oh, we'll find him. Like you said, 1 2's a big number. 1226 01:22:13,076 --> 01:22:16,996 - Mark! Mark! - Mark.! 1227 01:22:17,080 --> 01:22:19,916 He's about, about-- about that high. 1228 01:22:19,958 --> 01:22:23,711 He's got red hair and glasses. There's a photo, and you can keep that. 1229 01:22:23,753 --> 01:22:26,714 No luck. I've been everywhere. 1230 01:22:28,007 --> 01:22:29,968 Thanks for looking. 1231 01:22:30,051 --> 01:22:33,805 - Where's Hank? - He's not gonna make the cut. 1232 01:22:33,888 --> 01:22:36,307 I hope the family isn't to blame. 1233 01:22:38,601 --> 01:22:40,853 They're totally to blame. 1234 01:22:44,566 --> 01:22:47,402 I'll have officers check the train and bus stations. 1235 01:22:47,443 --> 01:22:50,363 - He wouldn't get on a train or a bus. - He might've. 1236 01:22:50,446 --> 01:22:53,908 Those times when I ran away from Midland, I was gonna go to Chicago. 1237 01:22:53,950 --> 01:22:56,119 My favorite place in the world. 1238 01:22:58,621 --> 01:23:00,790 Your favorite place in the world. 1239 01:23:00,873 --> 01:23:03,876 [ Man On P.A., Indistinct ] 1240 01:23:03,960 --> 01:23:06,671 [ Chattering ] 1241 01:23:10,592 --> 01:23:13,219 [ Train Whistle Blowing ] 1242 01:23:52,216 --> 01:23:57,430 You said we'd be happier. You didn't keep your promise. 1243 01:23:57,513 --> 01:24:00,642 I know. I'm sorry. 1244 01:24:03,937 --> 01:24:06,689 [ Train Whistle Blows ] 1245 01:24:53,194 --> 01:24:55,363 Mom.! 1246 01:24:55,405 --> 01:24:59,158 Oh, honey! Oh! 1247 01:24:59,242 --> 01:25:02,870 [ Laughs ] Oh, we missed you, sweetheart. 1248 01:25:02,912 --> 01:25:06,040 Do that again, I'm going to have to pound you. 1249 01:25:06,124 --> 01:25:09,752 - But I thought I was FedEx. - Your eccentricities and vision problems... 1250 01:25:09,836 --> 01:25:14,257 are genetic traits that could be attributed to any number of the Baker ancestors. 1251 01:25:14,340 --> 01:25:18,094 Yeah. Without you, we wouldn't be the 1 2 Bakers anymore. 1252 01:25:18,177 --> 01:25:21,639 We'd be, like, 11 . 1253 01:25:21,723 --> 01:25:25,435 I figured everybody hated me like Sarah and Lorraine hate each other. 1254 01:25:25,518 --> 01:25:29,022 There are times when I want to kill Sarah... 1255 01:25:29,105 --> 01:25:33,359 but I'd kill for her all the time. 1256 01:25:33,443 --> 01:25:36,696 - Come here, cutie. - [ All Laughing ] 1257 01:25:46,706 --> 01:25:50,543 Tom? You wanna say something? A few words? 1258 01:25:50,627 --> 01:25:52,670 Sure. 1259 01:25:53,963 --> 01:25:56,633 Beans was a good frog. 1260 01:26:01,095 --> 01:26:05,224 He was, uh, not like a lot of the bad frogs... 1261 01:26:05,308 --> 01:26:08,728 you hear about today, all hopped up. 1262 01:26:08,811 --> 01:26:13,149 - [ Chuckles ] - He was lovable. He was almost human. 1263 01:26:13,191 --> 01:26:16,069 He was like, uh, one of the family. 1264 01:26:16,152 --> 01:26:20,281 Except that, of course, he was green and he ate flies. 1265 01:26:21,824 --> 01:26:24,535 But he was a hopper. 1266 01:26:24,619 --> 01:26:29,040 He hipped and he hopped. 1267 01:26:30,708 --> 01:26:32,877 He loved hip-hop. 1268 01:26:36,297 --> 01:26:39,842 Mark, why don't you-- I think you should say something. 1269 01:26:39,926 --> 01:26:44,264 For a long time, you were the only person I could talk to. 1270 01:26:44,347 --> 01:26:46,724 That's different now. 1271 01:26:46,808 --> 01:26:49,102 But you're the one who got me through. 1272 01:26:49,185 --> 01:26:51,604 Thanks. 1273 01:27:35,231 --> 01:27:37,442 I'm resigning after the season, Shake. 1274 01:27:40,737 --> 01:27:42,989 Giving up the dream, huh? 1275 01:27:43,072 --> 01:27:45,408 Just going with a different one. 1276 01:27:45,450 --> 01:27:47,076 No regrets? 1277 01:27:47,160 --> 01:27:50,038 If I screw up raising my kids... 1278 01:27:50,079 --> 01:27:52,081 nothing I achieve will matter much. 1279 01:27:54,709 --> 01:27:56,377 Thank you. 1280 01:27:58,755 --> 01:28:01,299 We'll make an announcement at the end of the week. 1281 01:28:05,970 --> 01:28:09,724 Come on. Keep the assembly line up here. We gotta get this done. 1282 01:28:09,766 --> 01:28:12,769 - Where's Dad? - He went to the game. 1283 01:28:12,810 --> 01:28:15,355 Why didn't he ask us to go? 1284 01:28:15,438 --> 01:28:19,984 Because... he didn't want you to be there on the day that he quits his job. 1285 01:28:20,068 --> 01:28:22,654 - He's quitting his job? - Mm-hmm. 1286 01:28:22,737 --> 01:28:26,366 - What would we have to do so he wouldn't quit? - I'll give up clarinet lessons. 1287 01:28:26,449 --> 01:28:31,079 - I'll go back to hand-me-downs. - [ All Talking At Once ] 1288 01:28:31,162 --> 01:28:33,456 Okay, ease up. Everybody listen. 1289 01:28:33,539 --> 01:28:36,668 Dad's a big boy, and he makes his own decisions... 1290 01:28:36,751 --> 01:28:40,129 and he's doing this because it's what he wants. 1291 01:28:40,171 --> 01:28:43,800 In that case, I totally take back what I said about the hand-me-downs. 1292 01:28:43,883 --> 01:28:47,303 I thought so. Anybody else wanna take back their offer? 1293 01:28:47,345 --> 01:28:51,224 Yeah, there we go. [ Chuckles ] 1294 01:30:20,772 --> 01:30:23,858 [ Kate Narrating ] I guess you could say that when Tom and I left Midland... 1295 01:30:23,942 --> 01:30:26,945 we had a mess of theories about how to raise children. 1296 01:30:27,028 --> 01:30:30,365 We still have a mess of children, but no theories. 1297 01:30:33,743 --> 01:30:35,787 Sure, 1 2 is still our number. 1298 01:30:37,580 --> 01:30:41,918 It's the number of months my book was on the best-seller list. 1299 01:30:42,001 --> 01:30:46,839 It's the number of job offers Tom turned down before we found one close to home. 1300 01:30:46,923 --> 01:30:49,717 - Hike! - [ All Yelling ] 1301 01:30:53,972 --> 01:30:58,768 And each day, it's the number of times I'm thankful there's such a thing as family. 1302 01:31:01,729 --> 01:31:04,524 [ Chattering ] 1303 01:31:55,199 --> 01:31:57,911 [ Rock ] 1304 01:32:00,663 --> 01:32:03,291 What happened to you? 1305 01:32:03,374 --> 01:32:05,585 Oh, my God! 1306 01:32:05,668 --> 01:32:09,005 [ Laughing ] 1307 01:32:09,047 --> 01:32:11,424 Save the eggs! 1308 01:32:14,844 --> 01:32:19,140 Yeah, you got room for all your big old family in that new apartment? 1309 01:32:19,182 --> 01:32:21,601 - [ Director ] You're on camera, Steve. - Sorry. I am. 1310 01:32:21,684 --> 01:32:23,937 You idiot. 1311 01:32:24,020 --> 01:32:27,982 Yeah, you got room in your new apartment for that-- 1312 01:32:28,024 --> 01:32:30,068 Battle ax of a wife of mine? 1313 01:32:30,151 --> 01:32:32,070 You got-- 1314 01:32:32,153 --> 01:32:34,072 [ Director ] Act angry, not grumpy. 1315 01:32:34,155 --> 01:32:36,449 - I really am grumpy. - Well, that's good. 1316 01:32:36,532 --> 01:32:38,451 Two times? 1317 01:32:38,534 --> 01:32:40,536 - Two times. Ready? - Then going outside? 1318 01:32:40,620 --> 01:32:43,206 Yeah. Actually, we're almost done, so let's do it. 1319 01:32:43,289 --> 01:32:45,208 On your mark, get set, go.! 1320 01:32:45,291 --> 01:32:47,835 [ Together] I don't wanna move! I don't wanna move! 1321 01:32:47,877 --> 01:32:50,296 Cut. Good job. Okay? 1322 01:32:50,380 --> 01:32:54,384 I listened-- I listened the “goodest.” 1323 01:32:56,052 --> 01:32:58,388 I don't wanna do it anymore. 1324 01:32:58,471 --> 01:33:01,224 - One more time. - Last one and you're outta here. 1325 01:33:02,850 --> 01:33:05,520 - [ Frog Croaking ] - Cut! Cut! Cut! 1326 01:33:05,603 --> 01:33:07,897 Somebody help me! Help me! 1327 01:33:07,981 --> 01:33:10,858 - Whoa! -Just for the record, Mom-- 1328 01:33:10,900 --> 01:33:13,861 Be careful, pally. Slow down on that stuff. 1329 01:33:13,903 --> 01:33:18,074 You're not gonna remember a damn thing in school if you suck 'em back like I do. 1330 01:33:18,157 --> 01:33:20,910 Now, on the end around the guard pulls. 1331 01:33:20,952 --> 01:33:24,205 That means you, Buttler. Whoa. 1332 01:33:24,247 --> 01:33:27,417 - Cut.! - [ All Laughing ] 1333 01:33:28,459 --> 01:33:30,420 - Action.! - Frankly, I'm concerned. 1334 01:33:30,461 --> 01:33:33,214 I go around those kids, they start beatin' on me. 1335 01:33:33,256 --> 01:33:35,383 What if I get a black eye? [ Laughs ] 1336 01:33:35,466 --> 01:33:39,762 Frankly, I'm concerned, honey. The kids set me on fire, they beat me. 1337 01:33:39,804 --> 01:33:43,016 They're abusive. [ Laughing ] 1338 01:33:43,099 --> 01:33:45,727 This is how I get jobs, right here! 1339 01:33:45,768 --> 01:33:48,521 I'm sorry. I looked at myself in the camera. 1340 01:33:48,605 --> 01:33:50,857 I'm so-- good-looking. They set me on fire! 1341 01:33:50,940 --> 01:33:53,902 - Sounds good to me. - All the kids wrapped in duct tape. 1342 01:33:53,985 --> 01:33:56,821 Maybe we can just roll, roll ourselves in duct tape... 1343 01:33:56,905 --> 01:33:59,407 and then I can just roll you across the floor. 1344 01:33:59,449 --> 01:34:01,534 Together, maybe. 1345 01:34:01,618 --> 01:34:03,953 [ Laughter ] 1346 01:34:06,664 --> 01:34:09,125 Ow!