1
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:11,446
Bum buttery flit fluttery
Dum diddly-ooh

2
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:14,907
Bum buttery bluebird is singing a tune

3
00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:18,494
Daffodil dillies awaken and prune

4
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,497
Bursting in bloom
All the flowers assume

5
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:25,710
It's a loverly, loverly spring

6
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:36,220
Chit-chattery chipmunks
all singing along

7
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:39,766
Humming their
join-in-a-spring-along song

8
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:42,852
Spring is the springiest time for a song

9
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:46,606
It's a loverly, loverly spring

10
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:50,067
In the forest we play
with the rabbits all day...

11
00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:55,448
I'm sorry to say that this is not
the movie you will be watching.

12
00:01:55,532 --> 00:02:00,119
The movie you are about to see
is extremely unpleasant.

13
00:02:00,204 --> 00:02:02,830
If you wish to see a film
about a happy little elf,

14
00:02:02,915 --> 00:02:06,334
I'm sure there is still plenty
of seating in theatre number two.

15
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:09,462
However, if you like stories about clever

16
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,714
and reasonably attractive orphans,

17
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:15,426
suspicious fires, carnivorous leeches,

18
00:02:15,511 --> 00:02:20,306
Italian food and secret organisations,
then stay

19
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:24,477
as I retrace each and every one
of the Baudelaire children's

20
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,646
woeful steps.

21
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:29,607
My name is Lemony Snicket

22
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:33,402
and it is my sad duty
to document this tale.

23
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,322
Violet Baudelaire, the eldest,

24
00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:40,284
was one of the finest 14-year-old
inventors in the world.

25
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:43,955
Anyone who knew Violet well
could tell she was inventing something

26
00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:47,083
when her long hair
was tied up in a ribbon.

27
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:51,254
In a world of abandoned items
and discarded materials,

28
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:55,216
Violet knew
there was always something.

29
00:02:55,300 --> 00:03:00,596
Something she could fashion into nearly
any device for nearly every occasion.

30
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:06,352
And no one was better to test
her inventions than her brother.

31
00:03:07,271 --> 00:03:10,648
Klaus Baudelaire, the middle child,

32
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,275
loved books,

33
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:15,236
or rather, the things he learnt
from books.

34
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,948
The Baudelaire parents had
an enormous library in their mansion.

35
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:23,703
A room filled with thousands of books
on nearly every subject.

36
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:27,331
And nothing pleased Klaus more
than spending an afternoon

37
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:30,835
filling up his head with their contents.

38
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,462
And everything he read,
he remembered.

39
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:45,224
Sunny, the youngest,
had a different interest.

40
00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:50,396
She liked to bite things
and had four sharp teeth.

41
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,858
There was very little that Sunny
did not enjoy biting.

42
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,245
Sunny was at an age
when one mostly speaks

43
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,915
in a series of unintelligible shrieks.

44
00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,082
For instance...

45
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,501
Which probably meant,

46
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:16,964
"Look at that mysterious figure
emerging from the fog."

47
00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:18,925
Or perhaps,

48
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:22,845
"What is a banker like Mr Poe
doing trudging through the sand

49
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,932
"to find us at Briny Beach?"

50
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:33,147
Children, I'm afraid I must inform you of

51
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,858
an extremely unfortunate event.

52
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:40,196
I'm very sorry to tell you
your parents have perished in a fire

53
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,698
that's destroyed your entire home.

54
00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:46,285
If you have ever lost
someone very important to you,

55
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,621
then you already know how it feels.

56
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,331
And if you haven't,

57
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:53,376
you cannot possibly imagine it.

58
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:05,930
No one knows the precise cause
of the Baudelaire fire.

59
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:08,891
My colleagues and I have investigated
the best we can,

60
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:13,145
but all we've discovered is that the
blaze was started from a great distance

61
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:16,232
through the refraction
and convergence of light,

62
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:21,070
and within moments,
the entire mansion was in flames.

63
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:51,225
And as mysterious
as the source of the blaze,

64
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:55,104
other mysteries began to unfold
before the children's eyes.

65
00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:59,692
Every family has its secrets,
doors left unopened,

66
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,028
but as Klaus now realised,

67
00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:06,699
the smallest discovery would
send his mind reeling with questions.

68
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:10,161
What was this spyglass,
hidden in his father's desk?

69
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:14,290
Were there other secrets about
their parents' lives yet to be revealed?

70
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:17,460
Questions he now feared
might never be answered.

71
00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:20,463
And just like that,

72
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:24,800
the Baudelaire children
became the Baudelaire orphans.

73
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:28,220
I tried to warn you.

74
00:06:37,606 --> 00:06:40,816
This is an excellent opportunity
to walk out of the theatre,

75
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,402
living room or aeroplane
where this film is being shown.

76
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:48,741
It's not too late to see a film
about a happy little elf.

77
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,161
Yes, come with me.

78
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,250
Now, as chief officer
of Mulctuary Management,

79
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,419
and the executor of your parents' estate,

80
00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:04,048
it is my legal obligation to take care
of your money till you come of age,

81
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,967
and to place you in the care
of your closest relative.

82
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:10,096
So I'm taking you to
live with your dear Count Olaf

83
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:13,390
who resides right here in the city,
just 37 blocks away.

84
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:16,560
I don't think that's what "closest"
is supposed to mean.

85
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:19,688
- We don't know a Count Olaf.
- Of course you do.

86
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,024
He's either your third cousin
four times removed

87
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:23,192
or fourth cousin three times removed.

88
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,318
Someone's brain's been removed.

89
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:25,402
Sunny!

90
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:28,572
And he's an actor by trade.
Isn't that exciting, children?

91
00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:33,160
You should count yourselves lucky,
children.

92
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:36,747
This sort of generosity is rare
in a person of his profession.

93
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,338
Here we are, your new home.

94
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,841
Isn't it lovely, children?

95
00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,344
Hello.

96
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,805
You must be the Baudelaires.

97
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,140
Hi.

98
00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:56,475
I was so sorry to
hear about the accident,

99
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,936
but so happy to
hear you were coming here.

100
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,397
Welcome. I'm Justice Strauss
of the city high court.

101
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:05,484
I'm Violet and this is my brother,
Klaus, and my sister, Sunny.

102
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,069
Poe, Mulctuary Management.

103
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,113
- How do you do?
- Lovely.

104
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:12,366
- Your house is so beautiful.
- Thank you.

105
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:15,786
Please, don't be strangers.
Come visit me any time you like.

106
00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:20,332
- Visit?
- You don't live with Count Olaf?

107
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:24,545
Live with Count Olaf? No!
No, no.

108
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,672
He's my neighbour.

109
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,900
Let's sleep outside.

110
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:19,475
Intrude!

111
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,402
We haven't got all day. In you go.

112
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:38,744
Well, hello, hello, hello.

113
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:43,832
I am your beloved Count Olaf.

114
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:49,004
And welcome to my loverly home.

115
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:54,593
May you find solace within
the womb-like warmth of its

116
00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:57,846
downy plume.

117
00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:02,935
Or as the Greeks
in the ancient times would say,

118
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:08,732
"Orphanis encribo,
something, something, something..."

119
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:13,570
Music builds to a crescendo.

120
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,114
Ending on the right foot.

121
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:17,366
And strike a Fosse!

122
00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:23,414
Not exactly what I was going for,
but you get the idea.

123
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,759
My dear

124
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:39,471
Violet.

125
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,724
Enchanté.

126
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,062
How do you do?

127
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:49,773
And this must be Klaus.

128
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:52,818
Young Klaus.

129
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,655
Your left side is the good one.

130
00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:00,868
And

131
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:03,787
what is this?

132
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,123
I'm Sunny.

133
00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:09,418
I'm sorry, I don't speak monkey.

134
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,253
Banana.

135
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,172
I am not a monkey!

136
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,049
Sunny's our sister.

137
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,385
I must say,
you're a gloomy-looking bunch.

138
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,262
Why so glum?

139
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:22,931
Our parents just died.

140
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,643
Yes, of course. How very, very awful.

141
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,563
Wait, let me do that one more time.

142
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:33,108
Give me the line again.
Quickly, while it's fresh in my mind.

143
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:37,071
Our parents just... died?

144
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,866
Yes.

145
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,744
What a schmuck!!

146
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:45,537
Mr Poe.

147
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,167
I will raise these orphans

148
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:53,462
as if they were actually wanted.

149
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,674
And though you would call it
a burden, a sacrifice,

150
00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,010
you are mistaken, sir,

151
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,096
and should be ashamed of yourself!

152
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,680
The idea!

153
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:12,606
Anyway, where do I sign
for the fortune... I mean, children?

154
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:16,819
You won't officially have guardianship
until the hearing

155
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,237
on Thursday morning.

156
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:21,407
And what am I to do
with them until then?

157
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:22,574
Excuse me?

158
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:25,744
What I mean is... Do you work out?

159
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:28,122
You look good. Healthy, I mean.

160
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,917
Well, I'd better get back to the bank.

161
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:35,462
Can't you stay for a brief imbibement?

162
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,048
A glass of port? Sanka?

163
00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,050
- I suppose...
- Another time then.

164
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:43,804
- Children, if you need anything...
- No, we're fine. We're all fine.

165
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,514
Any questions...

166
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:53,856
I realise that my humble abode
isn't as fancy

167
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,483
as the Baudelaire Mansion,

168
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:59,486
but I'm coming into
a great deal of money soon

169
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:02,156
and I think it'll be

170
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:05,659
quite charming when it's finished.

171
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:10,122
Shall we take a look?

172
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,876
This is the living room.

173
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:15,878
The kitchen.

174
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,546
I know what you're thinking.

175
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,965
This place could use a little TLC.

176
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:24,303
I trust you've had your tetanus shots.
Polio. Smallpox. Typhoid. Malaria.

177
00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:27,181
This is the entertainment
or rumpus room.

178
00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:30,225
I'm told the ceiling can be
brought up to code in no time.

179
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,478
You're not afraid of heights, are you?

180
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:35,898
Imagine that.
A monkey afraid of heights.

181
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:40,068
My theatre. This way.

182
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,656
What's that up there?

183
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:51,497
The tower,

184
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,958
which you are never to enter,

185
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,880
under any circumstances.

186
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:11,350
This is where you'll sleep,
time permitting. Nighty-night.

187
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:14,144
- But the sun's still up.
- But the sun's still up.

188
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:17,356
I don't know if you've ever noticed,
but first impressions

189
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,192
are often entirely wrong.

190
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:25,239
For instance, Klaus, when Sunny
was born, didn't like her at all.

191
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:29,284
But by the time she was six weeks old,
the two of them were thick as thieves.

192
00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:34,790
A phrase which here means
"fetching and biting for hours on end."

193
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,167
In the case of Count Olaf, however...

194
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:40,379
Orphans!

195
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:41,964
...they were correct.

196
00:14:42,966 --> 00:14:45,926
Every morning, Count Olaf
would order the Baudelaires

197
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,512
to do a great number of terrible chores.

198
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:52,808
After which, he would stalk off
to his mysterious tower room.

199
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:04,236
And as unfortunate
as their situation seemed,

200
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:06,238
it was only about to get worse.

201
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,282
I woke up in a tub full of ice in Baja,

202
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:11,159
and I realised that these girls
had stolen my kidney.

203
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,828
No!

204
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,664
Imagine my surprise.

205
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:19,793
Orphans, this is my acting troupe.

206
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:23,630
- Acting troupe, orphans.
- They don't look rich.

207
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,426
Ugly little people.

208
00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:35,517
Why aren't you children in the kitchen
preparing our dinner?

209
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:36,935
Dinner?

210
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,813
It's the French word
for the evening meal.

211
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:46,612
On the back. Flip it.

212
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:50,616
We'll take it in the dining room at 8:00.

213
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:53,910
We expect absolute silence
while we're rehearsing our play.

214
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:55,746
But we've never made dinner before.

215
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:58,040
- It's already 7:30.
- 8:00!

216
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:18,226
Pasta it is.

217
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:22,773
Okay. Let's start casting this puppy.

218
00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:28,570
Now, who shall play

219
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:32,532
the most handsome count
in all the world?

220
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,915
Would you do it, sir?

221
00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:42,292
All right.

222
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:45,921
Pasta Puttanesca. That's Italian
for "very few ingredients."

223
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:47,673
That's great.

224
00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:50,092
Sunny, a little help.

225
00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:51,593
I'm on it.

226
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:53,929
- Okay, we're going to need a pot.
- No pot.

227
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,473
- And a strainer.
- No strainer.

228
00:16:58,851 --> 00:16:59,851
Thank you.

229
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:00,977
My pleasure.

230
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:02,938
And a saucepan.

231
00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:06,358
This is a little piece
I like to call "Electric Chair".

232
00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:14,908
I think you might have to turn it up.

233
00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:18,328
Is anybody out there?

234
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:23,542
Strainer. That's brilliant.

235
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:25,085
Sunny, how's that pot coming?

236
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,379
Voilà.

237
00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:31,299
Sunny, that's not a pot.

238
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,343
It's a spittoon.

239
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,680
A spittoon? You mean, like...

240
00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:39,224
We'll wash it twice.

241
00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:43,937
Well?

242
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,689
It's good. It's really good.

243
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,315
Time check.

244
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:50,360
Let's go back to prehistoric times

245
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:53,155
when dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

246
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:12,257
Baudelaire orphans
to the courtesy desk.

247
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,229
What do you want?

248
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,231
Dinner is served.

249
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:32,986
Puttanesca.

250
00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:34,821
What did you call me?

251
00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:38,325
It's pasta. Pasta Puttanesca.

252
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:40,285
Where's the roast beef?

253
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:42,287
Roast beef?

254
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,748
Beef. Yes. Roast beef.

255
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,460
It's the Swedish term
for beef that is roasted.

256
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:53,131
But you didn't tell us
you wanted roast beef.

257
00:18:57,470 --> 00:19:00,597
You know, there's a big world out there

258
00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:03,308
filled with desperate orphans
who would gladly

259
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,310
swim across an ocean of thumbtacks

260
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:10,816
just to be eclipsed by the long shadow
that is cast by my accomplishments.

261
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,360
But I don't care about them.

262
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,821
I chose to open my heart

263
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:19,991
to you two loverly children

264
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,244
and your hideous primate.

265
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:26,248
All I ask in return is that you do
every thing that pops into my head

266
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:30,418
while I enjoy the enormous fortune
your parents left behind.

267
00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:34,256
- No.
- Why, you little...

268
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,966
Back off, parrot face!!

269
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,260
I'll bite higher!

270
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,595
Don't mock me!

271
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,520
Wow. You are nuts.

272
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:53,024
It's time you children
learnt a little respect.

273
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,359
- Back!
- Put her down!

274
00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:58,446
You monster!

275
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,202
You all saw it. The boy slipped.

276
00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:06,955
You won't get a cent
until Violet turns 18.

277
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:09,791
Really?

278
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:12,836
- Says who?
- The law. Look it up.

279
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,505
We're going to call Mr Poe
about this right now.

280
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:24,598
Are you?

281
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,936
I'm very disappointed in you, children.

282
00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:34,983
Where were we?

283
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,528
- Are you okay?
- No.

284
00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:43,909
Klaus, what are you doing?

285
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:46,244
- I'm going.
- Going where?

286
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:47,746
Home.

287
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,998
This is our home now.

288
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:54,669
This is not home.

289
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,464
Home is where your parents
put you to bed at night,

290
00:20:57,548 --> 00:21:00,508
where they teach you to ride a bike,
or where they get choked up

291
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,677
on your first day of school.

292
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,888
This is not home.

293
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:10,226
How could they do this to us?

294
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,395
They're just bad people.

295
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,814
Not them. Mom and Dad.

296
00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:17,943
- Klaus.
- Violet, you're thinking it too.

297
00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:21,738
How could they?
They had no plan for us at all?

298
00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:24,115
Well, maybe they did have a plan.

299
00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:26,743
Well, it sure looks like it to me.

300
00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:38,296
Do you remember
when Mom and Dad went to Europe?

301
00:21:38,381 --> 00:21:41,800
We thought they'd abandoned us
because they didn't even write.

302
00:21:41,884 --> 00:21:45,136
We found out they'd written
a letter that got lost in the mail.

303
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:50,308
Do you remember how guilty we felt
for thinking bad thoughts about them?

304
00:21:50,393 --> 00:21:51,893
This is just like that.

305
00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:54,854
No, it's not.

306
00:21:54,939 --> 00:21:56,606
Why?

307
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,652
Because they're not in Europe.

308
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:03,613
They're not coming back.

309
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:13,623
Do you think anything
will ever feel like home again?

310
00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:31,182
"Sanctuary" is a word which here means

311
00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:34,102
a small, safe place in a troubling world.

312
00:22:35,896 --> 00:22:40,442
Like an oasis in a vast desert
or an island in a stormy sea.

313
00:22:40,526 --> 00:22:44,029
The Baudelaires enjoyed their evening
in the sanctuary they built together.

314
00:22:44,113 --> 00:22:45,071
I see it, I see it.

315
00:22:45,156 --> 00:22:48,825
But in their hearts they knew
the troubling world lay outside.

316
00:22:48,909 --> 00:22:49,868
Like this.

317
00:22:49,952 --> 00:22:53,997
A world, which I'm sad to say,
can be described in two dismal words.

318
00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:55,290
Custody granted.

319
00:22:58,669 --> 00:23:02,047
Thank you, Your Honour.
Nice doing business with you.

320
00:23:09,430 --> 00:23:14,142
Children, I've been
contemplating our situation

321
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:19,564
and I realise that I've been
a bit standoffish, shall we say?

322
00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:22,150
Which in this case
is a big, big word meaning...

323
00:23:22,234 --> 00:23:23,735
Pure evil.

324
00:23:23,819 --> 00:23:26,696
...tough but fair.

325
00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:29,574
But now that we're family,
I can make it up to you.

326
00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:33,078
I can be the ultimate dad.

327
00:23:33,162 --> 00:23:35,663
I know. Let's stop for a treat.

328
00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:42,045
Soda. Soda. Banana.

329
00:23:42,713 --> 00:23:44,047
Bite me.

330
00:23:44,131 --> 00:23:45,590
Got it.

331
00:24:05,152 --> 00:24:06,277
Violet.

332
00:24:07,404 --> 00:24:09,155
Where'd the locks go?

333
00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:20,375
Hello. I'm going on a perfectly
innocent ride in the country

334
00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:23,253
with my kids, whom I love.

335
00:24:23,337 --> 00:24:24,796
Is that clock correct?

336
00:24:31,137 --> 00:24:33,012
What is it?

337
00:24:33,556 --> 00:24:35,682
I think it's a schedule.

338
00:24:56,245 --> 00:25:00,415
Kiwi Watermelon Surprise. My favourite.

339
00:25:11,802 --> 00:25:13,303
Go!

340
00:25:18,434 --> 00:25:19,684
He took the keys.

341
00:25:19,935 --> 00:25:21,186
Try everything.

342
00:25:29,612 --> 00:25:32,572
Chit-chattery chipmunks all singing

343
00:25:36,076 --> 00:25:37,827
Count Olaf? Hello. Poe.

344
00:25:37,953 --> 00:25:40,872
I'm calling about that
inheritance question you raised.

345
00:25:40,956 --> 00:25:42,874
- Thank goodness.
- Who is this?

346
00:25:43,083 --> 00:25:44,918
It's Violet. We're in Count Olaf's car.

347
00:25:45,127 --> 00:25:47,253
Hello, Violet. Where's Count Olaf?

348
00:25:47,338 --> 00:25:50,798
- He's not here right now, but...
- You're driving the car alone?

349
00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:53,843
The car is on the train tracks
and the train is coming.

350
00:25:53,928 --> 00:25:58,264
I'm sorry, Violet, I can't hear a thing.
I'm driving next to a train!

351
00:25:58,349 --> 00:26:00,516
We're going to be hit by a train.

352
00:26:00,643 --> 00:26:04,604
Right. Yes.
I can't hear because of the train!

353
00:26:04,772 --> 00:26:07,941
I'll call you back
when I get to the bank! Goodbye!

354
00:26:13,489 --> 00:26:16,824
Klaus, you've read books on trains.

355
00:26:17,243 --> 00:26:18,493
What do we do?

356
00:26:24,917 --> 00:26:26,292
Track switcher.

357
00:26:26,543 --> 00:26:27,835
There!

358
00:26:31,799 --> 00:26:33,424
- It's too far away.
- No.

359
00:26:33,509 --> 00:26:35,969
There has to be something
we can use to pull it.

360
00:26:36,053 --> 00:26:38,930
- There's nothing in here.
- There's always something.

361
00:26:40,808 --> 00:26:42,684
Sunny, bite the head off that elf.

362
00:26:42,977 --> 00:26:44,519
Love to!

363
00:27:17,970 --> 00:27:19,178
Quick, pull it back in.

364
00:27:25,728 --> 00:27:27,812
- Violet.
- I got it.

365
00:27:27,896 --> 00:27:30,064
I don't mean to rush you.

366
00:27:35,654 --> 00:27:37,238
- Nice shot.
- Thank you. Pull.

367
00:28:39,134 --> 00:28:41,260
Mr Poe. Dear Mr Poe.

368
00:28:41,345 --> 00:28:43,679
Can't we discuss this
like reasonable men?

369
00:28:43,764 --> 00:28:47,558
I'm sorry, but allowing a child
of Sunny's age to drive a car

370
00:28:47,643 --> 00:28:48,893
is not good parenting.

371
00:28:48,977 --> 00:28:51,145
- He tried to kill us.
- Let us not exaggerate.

372
00:28:51,230 --> 00:28:53,314
The vehicle was not even in gear.

373
00:28:54,316 --> 00:28:56,526
May I have

374
00:28:56,610 --> 00:28:58,653
a moment alone with the children?

375
00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:05,451
Goodbye, kids.

376
00:29:05,702 --> 00:29:07,620
It's been fun.

377
00:29:07,704 --> 00:29:08,788
I'm going to get you.

378
00:29:08,872 --> 00:29:13,292
No matter where you go,
no matter what you do, I'll find you.

379
00:29:13,377 --> 00:29:15,169
You are so deceased.

380
00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:22,677
Take them, Mr Poe.

381
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:25,972
Before I lose it big time.

382
00:29:27,307 --> 00:29:30,560
Trumping a talentless villain
might seem all in a day's work

383
00:29:30,644 --> 00:29:32,687
for three ingenious orphans,

384
00:29:32,855 --> 00:29:35,440
but the Baudelaires
savoured their victory

385
00:29:35,524 --> 00:29:38,025
as they sped towards their new home.

386
00:29:38,110 --> 00:29:40,528
What lay ahead for them was unclear,

387
00:29:40,863 --> 00:29:44,073
but they remained cautiously optimistic
that their next guardian

388
00:29:44,158 --> 00:29:45,867
would be better than the last,

389
00:29:46,201 --> 00:29:50,246
or at least wouldn't try
to flatten them with a train.

390
00:29:56,545 --> 00:29:59,338
Do you know
what kind of scientist he is?

391
00:29:59,715 --> 00:30:02,633
I don't. I was far too busy
making arrangements.

392
00:30:02,718 --> 00:30:05,553
- I didn't have time for chitchat.
- Hello!

393
00:30:06,013 --> 00:30:09,640
Oh, my goodness.

394
00:30:09,892 --> 00:30:13,060
Look at you. You must be Violet.

395
00:30:13,145 --> 00:30:14,437
Do you remember me?

396
00:30:14,521 --> 00:30:18,191
I don't suppose so, you were
just a little baby at the time.

397
00:30:18,275 --> 00:30:21,277
And, Klaus, we've never met.
How do you...

398
00:30:21,904 --> 00:30:24,906
What a firm grip.
Like a Burmese python.

399
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,575
And Sunny. Little Sunny.

400
00:30:27,659 --> 00:30:30,912
You look so much like your dear mother.

401
00:30:31,038 --> 00:30:34,081
Thank you very much, Mr Poe.
I'll take it from here.

402
00:30:35,042 --> 00:30:38,669
- Well, perhaps I should come inside.
- By all means.

403
00:30:39,421 --> 00:30:41,506
You could help us
pick out the gut worms

404
00:30:41,590 --> 00:30:43,925
from the bowel of the Viscid Boa.

405
00:30:44,009 --> 00:30:46,052
Children, remember,

406
00:30:46,261 --> 00:30:50,806
if you need me any time,
you can reach me by phone or fax.

407
00:30:50,974 --> 00:30:52,433
Good day.

408
00:30:56,104 --> 00:30:58,105
Well, we got rid of him, didn't we?

409
00:30:58,315 --> 00:30:59,398
Come in. Come in.

410
00:30:59,483 --> 00:31:01,776
There's not much time
and we have to pack.

411
00:31:02,778 --> 00:31:03,903
Pack?

412
00:31:06,573 --> 00:31:08,407
- Did you say "pack"?
- Yes.

413
00:31:08,492 --> 00:31:11,035
We have to pack all the equipment.

414
00:31:11,286 --> 00:31:13,913
Then there's the essentials like clothing.

415
00:31:13,997 --> 00:31:16,374
And we have to tag the snakes
who are coming with us.

416
00:31:16,458 --> 00:31:17,708
Coming where?

417
00:31:17,793 --> 00:31:20,836
- Did I mention we're going to Peru?
- No.

418
00:31:20,963 --> 00:31:23,839
Yes, we are going to Peru.
Tomorrow morning.

419
00:31:23,924 --> 00:31:25,550
Isn't that exciting?

420
00:31:26,218 --> 00:31:27,718
This way to the Reptile Room.

421
00:31:30,305 --> 00:31:33,599
Welcome to my humble abode.

422
00:31:33,767 --> 00:31:36,727
You children know anything
about snakes?

423
00:31:36,812 --> 00:31:38,854
Only what I've read in books.

424
00:31:38,939 --> 00:31:41,065
No, not very much.

425
00:31:41,149 --> 00:31:45,278
Well, we may have one or two things
here that aren't in books.

426
00:31:46,488 --> 00:31:48,489
I'll just put the big fellow in his bed

427
00:31:48,574 --> 00:31:51,284
and introduce you
to a few of me friends.

428
00:31:52,327 --> 00:31:53,744
Over here...

429
00:31:53,829 --> 00:31:57,540
- That's the two-headed cobra.
- Well spotted.

430
00:31:57,624 --> 00:31:59,208
Is that a he or a she?

431
00:31:59,293 --> 00:32:02,128
I have no idea.
Didn't think it polite to ask.

432
00:32:02,212 --> 00:32:05,631
And over here,
the Tibetan Third Eye Toad.

433
00:32:05,716 --> 00:32:10,011
We can't stop this fellow chanting.

434
00:32:10,095 --> 00:32:14,098
And now, children,
you have to see my latest discovery.

435
00:32:14,182 --> 00:32:16,892
Found him in Tanzania. One of a kind.

436
00:32:16,977 --> 00:32:19,186
The Incredibly Deadly Viper.

437
00:32:19,855 --> 00:32:24,400
My assistant Gustav and I may be
the only people ever to have seen him.

438
00:32:50,802 --> 00:32:54,388
I'm sorry. My ribbon just jammed.

439
00:32:54,473 --> 00:32:56,432
Let me just adjust it here.

440
00:32:59,394 --> 00:33:00,686
There we are.

441
00:33:00,771 --> 00:33:02,021
Now...

442
00:33:02,898 --> 00:33:04,065
Where was I?

443
00:33:04,191 --> 00:33:07,026
Yes. The attack
of the Incredibly Deadly Viper.

444
00:33:08,236 --> 00:33:11,489
Not to worry, little one. You're all right.

445
00:33:11,573 --> 00:33:14,450
It can't possibly harm you. Here we go.

446
00:33:14,534 --> 00:33:17,953
The Incredibly Deadly Viper
couldn't have harmed her?

447
00:33:18,038 --> 00:33:19,205
No, no.

448
00:33:21,667 --> 00:33:23,292
It's a big softy.

449
00:33:23,377 --> 00:33:27,505
One of the least harmful and friendliest
creatures in the animal kingdom.

450
00:33:27,589 --> 00:33:28,923
It's a misnomer.

451
00:33:29,007 --> 00:33:32,259
I only called him that to play a prank
on those stuffed shirts

452
00:33:32,344 --> 00:33:34,804
down at the Herpetological Society.

453
00:33:34,888 --> 00:33:36,889
Uncle Monty, why are we going to Peru?

454
00:33:37,766 --> 00:33:39,642
Just this morning I was wondering,

455
00:33:39,726 --> 00:33:42,353
"How are we all going to
get out of town together?"

456
00:33:42,437 --> 00:33:46,315
And I thought, "Peru."
They have snakes in Peru, don't they?

457
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,110
But why are we getting out of town?

458
00:33:50,112 --> 00:33:54,490
Violet, do you know snakes are more
afraid of you than you are of them?

459
00:33:55,534 --> 00:33:57,368
Few people do.

460
00:33:57,786 --> 00:34:00,371
When threatened,
a snake will retreat to a place

461
00:34:00,455 --> 00:34:03,708
that is quiet, safe, remote.

462
00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:07,294
A sanctuary

463
00:34:07,379 --> 00:34:10,464
where it can feel out of danger.

464
00:34:12,092 --> 00:34:14,343
That's why Peru.

465
00:34:17,931 --> 00:34:20,307
Wait. That spyglass.
I saw one like that...

466
00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:22,476
Plenty of time for chitchat later.

467
00:34:22,811 --> 00:34:25,521
But right now what I need is an inventor,

468
00:34:25,605 --> 00:34:27,189
a reader

469
00:34:27,274 --> 00:34:28,816
and a biter.

470
00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:30,484
Know any?

471
00:34:30,610 --> 00:34:33,696
My teeth are at your service, Sir...

472
00:34:37,826 --> 00:34:42,329
High upon Highlands and low upon Tay

473
00:34:43,623 --> 00:34:48,878
Bonnie George Campbell
rode out on a day

474
00:34:49,337 --> 00:34:54,425
Saddled and bridled, so gallant rode he

475
00:34:55,594 --> 00:35:00,765
Home came his good horse
but never came he

476
00:35:03,059 --> 00:35:06,353
Petunia, what have I told you about this?

477
00:35:07,022 --> 00:35:08,939
She thinks I'm a tree, you know.

478
00:35:09,900 --> 00:35:11,442
I think I know that song.

479
00:35:11,526 --> 00:35:14,236
I think... I think our parents
used to play it for us.

480
00:35:14,321 --> 00:35:17,823
They certainly did, as I did for mine.

481
00:35:17,908 --> 00:35:20,576
- You had children?
- Oh, yes.

482
00:35:21,453 --> 00:35:24,246
And a wife and a home.

483
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:26,749
Until the fire.

484
00:35:28,001 --> 00:35:29,210
A fire?

485
00:35:30,837 --> 00:35:33,923
I may know better than anyone
what you're going through.

486
00:35:35,383 --> 00:35:36,926
But it's going to be all right.

487
00:35:37,469 --> 00:35:39,637
We'll be among people
who understand us.

488
00:35:39,721 --> 00:35:42,139
People who are like us.

489
00:35:42,224 --> 00:35:47,728
People who appreciate unique children
who can read and invent and

490
00:35:48,647 --> 00:35:50,105
bite things.

491
00:35:52,609 --> 00:35:55,778
Uncle Monty,
why are you doing all this for us?

492
00:35:57,322 --> 00:35:59,573
Isn't that what family does?

493
00:36:00,408 --> 00:36:03,702
"And so the Baudelaire children
went to Peru

494
00:36:03,787 --> 00:36:05,871
"and together had wonderful adventures

495
00:36:05,956 --> 00:36:09,333
"with their loving
and wonderful new guardian.

496
00:36:09,417 --> 00:36:12,044
"The end."

497
00:36:13,630 --> 00:36:16,590
These are the words
I desperately wish I could type.

498
00:36:16,675 --> 00:36:20,845
I would give anything to say
that the story ends here.

499
00:36:20,929 --> 00:36:25,266
But alas, my mission is not to weave
happy endings where they do not occur,

500
00:36:25,350 --> 00:36:27,434
but to report the actual events

501
00:36:27,519 --> 00:36:30,688
in the lives of
the unfortunate Baudelaire children.

502
00:36:31,648 --> 00:36:33,649
And as much as it pains me,

503
00:36:33,733 --> 00:36:37,736
I must confess that their troubles
had only just begun

504
00:36:37,821 --> 00:36:40,781
and it did so with two musical notes.

505
00:36:56,131 --> 00:36:57,548
Hello.

506
00:36:57,632 --> 00:37:01,969
I am looking for
Dr Montgomery Montgomery.

507
00:37:03,972 --> 00:37:05,890
I am Stephano.

508
00:37:05,974 --> 00:37:10,352
I am an Italian man
and I am here to assist him

509
00:37:10,437 --> 00:37:13,480
in his research as best I can

510
00:37:13,565 --> 00:37:17,735
as well as to facilitate
and remain observatory.

511
00:37:17,819 --> 00:37:19,403
You're Count Olaf.

512
00:37:24,534 --> 00:37:28,370
Now, why would you say
something like that?

513
00:37:28,455 --> 00:37:32,207
I have never met
such a person as a Count Olaf,

514
00:37:32,292 --> 00:37:34,084
but...

515
00:37:34,169 --> 00:37:40,007
If I had I'm sure he would look
and sound completely different.

516
00:37:40,091 --> 00:37:42,259
You're Olaf and we're not letting you in.

517
00:37:48,183 --> 00:37:53,062
Well, perhaps you should
re-evaluate your hypothesis.

518
00:37:53,146 --> 00:37:57,691
Anyway, that's why you should
never run with one of these, kids.

519
00:37:57,776 --> 00:38:01,111
Words of wisdom indeed, Mr Stephano.

520
00:38:01,196 --> 00:38:03,530
You caught me being a mentor.

521
00:38:03,615 --> 00:38:06,367
And bless you for coming
at such short notice.

522
00:38:06,451 --> 00:38:08,452
Not at all, not at all.

523
00:38:08,536 --> 00:38:12,581
My chief assistant, Gustav, took sick
and phoned not one hour ago.

524
00:38:12,666 --> 00:38:14,708
He'd give anything to be here right now.

525
00:38:18,797 --> 00:38:20,798
Thank goodness you were available.

526
00:38:20,882 --> 00:38:25,302
Well, I am... I am a fan, if I may gush.

527
00:38:25,929 --> 00:38:29,223
Your work has profoundly
influenced my research

528
00:38:29,307 --> 00:38:33,143
up at the Monterey Bay Aquarium

529
00:38:34,521 --> 00:38:35,771
on the sea snake.

530
00:38:36,231 --> 00:38:39,608
- It's a very volatile animal, that...
- Perhaps we should...

531
00:38:39,693 --> 00:38:44,780
I've been bitten 43... 700 times.

532
00:38:44,864 --> 00:38:49,660
Mostly on the face.
A lot of this has been reconstructed.

533
00:38:49,744 --> 00:38:51,662
But I think they did one heck of a job,

534
00:38:51,746 --> 00:38:55,082
even though my moustache
is a tad askew.

535
00:38:55,625 --> 00:38:57,710
You can't be buying this.

536
00:38:57,919 --> 00:39:01,505
But I wonder if I could get the kids
to help me in with my bags.

537
00:39:01,589 --> 00:39:04,508
My left side is somewhat
neurologically challenged.

538
00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:07,052
- But of course. Children...
- Uncle Monty...

539
00:39:07,137 --> 00:39:08,345
Please.

540
00:39:08,430 --> 00:39:12,808
Let us not be rude to our guest.
Now, go on.

541
00:39:13,935 --> 00:39:16,562
- What's he up to?
- I don't know.

542
00:39:16,646 --> 00:39:21,233
There is no good moment, of course,
for a notorious villain to arrive,

543
00:39:21,317 --> 00:39:23,444
but the timing of Olaf's reappearance,

544
00:39:23,528 --> 00:39:27,239
just when Dr Montgomery's secret
could be revealed to the children,

545
00:39:27,323 --> 00:39:29,908
was almost more than Klaus could bear.

546
00:39:29,993 --> 00:39:31,702
Violet, listen to me.

547
00:39:31,786 --> 00:39:35,414
Monty's spyglass.
I saw the exact same one in Dad's desk.

548
00:39:36,041 --> 00:39:37,750
Klaus, it's just a coincidence.

549
00:39:37,834 --> 00:39:41,253
Violet, no.
Everything happens for a reason.

550
00:39:41,337 --> 00:39:44,506
The children will be helping us
with the research in Peru.

551
00:39:44,591 --> 00:39:46,133
Do you have any experience
with children?

552
00:39:46,217 --> 00:39:49,136
Children are strange and foreign to me.

553
00:39:50,346 --> 00:39:52,014
I never really was one.

554
00:39:52,098 --> 00:39:55,559
I know that they are an important part
of the ecosystem.

555
00:39:55,810 --> 00:39:57,811
He's never gonna let us alone
with Monty.

556
00:39:57,979 --> 00:40:01,023
- We've got to get a message to him.
- Leave that to me.

557
00:40:02,567 --> 00:40:04,985
I was feeding the moray,

558
00:40:05,361 --> 00:40:09,073
and of course I got cocky.

559
00:40:09,324 --> 00:40:13,077
And that's all it takes.
That's all it takes is one time.

560
00:40:15,705 --> 00:40:16,997
Just once.

561
00:40:17,332 --> 00:40:20,000
I had the kipper in my mouth
and I offered it.

562
00:40:20,335 --> 00:40:24,213
And there was a team from
National Geographic that were there.

563
00:40:24,297 --> 00:40:25,714
They were filming the whole thing

564
00:40:25,799 --> 00:40:29,176
and, well, a lot of people
don't know this about the moray,

565
00:40:29,511 --> 00:40:32,888
but you think this can't be
a tremendously strong animal.

566
00:40:33,014 --> 00:40:35,390
Sure, it has a certain amount
of strength,

567
00:40:35,975 --> 00:40:38,560
but how does it pull a man's face
into a cave?

568
00:40:38,686 --> 00:40:43,273
Anyway, long story short,
the bends, the reconstructive surgery,

569
00:40:43,358 --> 00:40:48,779
but yes, from my understanding,
Peru is a wonderful place.

570
00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:51,073
The beaches. The people.

571
00:40:51,157 --> 00:40:53,742
The relaxed guardianship laws.

572
00:40:53,868 --> 00:40:55,661
Relaxed guardianship laws?

573
00:40:57,205 --> 00:40:59,164
Did I say that?

574
00:41:00,458 --> 00:41:01,750
Darn neurotoxins.

575
00:41:02,252 --> 00:41:06,797
Stephano, you have
a wonderful gift for storytelling.

576
00:41:06,923 --> 00:41:09,716
- Doesn't he, children?
- Oh, yeah.

577
00:41:09,801 --> 00:41:12,803
I was wondering if you wouldn't mind
milking Petunia for me.

578
00:41:12,887 --> 00:41:14,221
Petunia.

579
00:41:14,639 --> 00:41:16,390
Well, the milking...

580
00:41:16,558 --> 00:41:19,726
Now, see, what I was... Could I just...

581
00:41:20,019 --> 00:41:23,355
Yeah, sure. I'll take a shot at that.

582
00:41:23,565 --> 00:41:25,691
Now, they used to
call me Old MacDonald

583
00:41:25,775 --> 00:41:27,359
up at the milking lab there.

584
00:41:27,443 --> 00:41:29,194
I'd milk these things all day long.

585
00:41:29,279 --> 00:41:32,739
But the little udders,
they're hard to locate.

586
00:41:34,492 --> 00:41:37,744
Anyway, why don't you take that

587
00:41:37,829 --> 00:41:40,706
and go ahead and
start the party without me.

588
00:41:40,790 --> 00:41:43,125
I'm not sure I brought my milking gear.

589
00:41:43,209 --> 00:41:45,419
I'll take a gander.

590
00:41:57,098 --> 00:41:58,849
Is he still watching?

591
00:41:59,809 --> 00:42:01,226
Yes.

592
00:42:01,311 --> 00:42:04,104
Don't look at me.
Pretend you're talking to Klaus.

593
00:42:04,189 --> 00:42:05,606
Okay.

594
00:42:05,690 --> 00:42:09,109
I got your message. Don't worry, I know.

595
00:42:09,194 --> 00:42:11,320
- You do?
- Yes.

596
00:42:11,404 --> 00:42:14,656
A moray eel would never eat kippers.
Far too salty.

597
00:42:14,741 --> 00:42:17,409
Did you see the way
he kept glancing into my satchel

598
00:42:17,493 --> 00:42:19,703
where I keep the exotic snake venoms?

599
00:42:19,787 --> 00:42:23,832
You children were right.
Stephano is an imposter.

600
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:25,125
- Yes.
- Yeah.

601
00:42:25,293 --> 00:42:27,336
A spy from the Herpetological Society,

602
00:42:27,420 --> 00:42:29,546
here to steal
the Incredibly Deadly Viper.

603
00:42:29,631 --> 00:42:30,631
No. Uncle Monty...

604
00:42:33,051 --> 00:42:35,969
Darn. All finished.

605
00:42:36,054 --> 00:42:38,972
I was so looking forward to the milking.

606
00:42:39,057 --> 00:42:41,767
Isn't it about time you kids went to bed?

607
00:42:41,851 --> 00:42:43,268
Absolutely.

608
00:42:43,353 --> 00:42:45,938
Early start tomorrow, children.

609
00:42:46,022 --> 00:42:47,648
Off you go.

610
00:42:48,149 --> 00:42:49,858
Good night.

611
00:42:54,822 --> 00:42:58,492
And if you kids should
get restless during the night,

612
00:42:58,576 --> 00:43:02,663
I'm right down the hall
and I'm a very light sleeper.

613
00:43:02,747 --> 00:43:07,167
In fact, I hardly sleep at all.

614
00:43:19,138 --> 00:43:21,223
Do you have a hall pass?

615
00:43:24,852 --> 00:43:26,561
I didn't think so.

616
00:43:27,605 --> 00:43:31,191
Petunia, I'm going to miss you.

617
00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:36,613
You're such a good girl, aren't you?

618
00:43:36,698 --> 00:43:38,865
Such a pretty girl.

619
00:43:38,950 --> 00:43:42,869
You are. Yes, you are.

620
00:43:44,414 --> 00:43:47,457
Yes, you are.

621
00:43:48,084 --> 00:43:51,628
It is a curious thing,
the death of a loved one.

622
00:43:53,423 --> 00:43:55,257
Uncle Monty?

623
00:43:55,341 --> 00:43:58,427
It's like walking up the stairs
to your bedroom in the dark

624
00:43:58,511 --> 00:44:01,930
and thinking that there's
one more stair than there is.

625
00:44:02,015 --> 00:44:04,599
Your foot falls down through the air

626
00:44:04,684 --> 00:44:07,477
and there's a sickly moment
of dark surprise.

627
00:44:10,106 --> 00:44:11,440
Uncle Monty?

628
00:44:16,738 --> 00:44:19,573
The children's grief
was not only for their uncle,

629
00:44:19,657 --> 00:44:22,659
but for that tender hope that
they may have found home again.

630
00:44:24,245 --> 00:44:26,997
A hope which,
thanks to a villainous actor,

631
00:44:27,081 --> 00:44:30,000
was now slowly tumbling away.

632
00:44:32,837 --> 00:44:35,922
I do feel somewhat responsible
for this tragedy.

633
00:44:36,007 --> 00:44:40,761
I should've taken it upon myself to warn
him that the Incredibly Deadly Viper

634
00:44:40,845 --> 00:44:44,056
is the most deadly snake
in the entire ecosystem.

635
00:44:44,140 --> 00:44:47,351
I should know. I discovered it.

636
00:44:47,435 --> 00:44:50,604
- You what?
- Detective?

637
00:44:51,105 --> 00:44:55,025
Little girl, the big cage door is open,
no snake. Dead guy.

638
00:44:55,109 --> 00:44:56,568
You know what I'm thinking?

639
00:44:56,652 --> 00:45:00,155
"Who woke me up
at 9:00 in the morning for this?"

640
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:03,033
It's definitely a snake bite.
There's no question about it.

641
00:45:03,117 --> 00:45:05,285
Snake bite, no question. Thanks, doc.

642
00:45:05,453 --> 00:45:06,453
No, you don't understand.

643
00:45:06,537 --> 00:45:08,413
The Incredibly Deadly Viper
couldn't have killed him.

644
00:45:08,539 --> 00:45:10,707
It's one of the least dangerous
and most friendly creatures

645
00:45:10,792 --> 00:45:12,626
in the animal kingdom.

646
00:45:12,794 --> 00:45:14,711
Mind if I skip the paperwork on this?

647
00:45:14,796 --> 00:45:16,671
I think that'd be best.

648
00:45:16,756 --> 00:45:19,216
These kids have been through
a major upheaval.

649
00:45:19,300 --> 00:45:22,761
I wonder if it's a good idea even
to change their plans at this point.

650
00:45:22,845 --> 00:45:26,056
We were headed for Peru tomorrow

651
00:45:26,224 --> 00:45:28,433
- and the tickets are non-refundable.
- No.

652
00:45:28,518 --> 00:45:29,726
Doc, what do you think?

653
00:45:29,811 --> 00:45:32,521
Could be the only chance
for them to get closure.

654
00:45:32,605 --> 00:45:33,939
Closure. Thank you, doc.

655
00:45:34,023 --> 00:45:35,232
I'll handle this.

656
00:45:35,316 --> 00:45:37,651
From interviews with witnesses
there that day,

657
00:45:37,735 --> 00:45:41,363
I have learnt the following about
the youngest Baudelaire's plan,

658
00:45:41,447 --> 00:45:45,700
brave Sunny started here and
approached the Incredibly Deadly Viper

659
00:45:45,785 --> 00:45:47,786
with single-minded determination.

660
00:45:47,870 --> 00:45:51,081
No, he's Count Olaf
and that doctor is his accomplice.

661
00:45:51,165 --> 00:45:52,749
He tried to kill us with a train.

662
00:45:52,834 --> 00:45:56,128
- Where would he get a train?
- Where am I gonna get a train?

663
00:45:56,212 --> 00:45:58,004
That's enough of this foolishness.

664
00:45:58,131 --> 00:46:00,757
Mr Stephano bears
no resemblance to Count Olaf.

665
00:46:00,842 --> 00:46:04,428
Who is this incredibly handsome
Count Olaf they keep speaking of?

666
00:46:04,512 --> 00:46:08,265
Count Olaf is their old guardian
who made an error in judgement.

667
00:46:09,267 --> 00:46:10,684
What about the tattoo?

668
00:46:10,977 --> 00:46:13,311
Count Olaf had a tattoo of an eye
on his ankle.

669
00:46:14,021 --> 00:46:16,189
Anything for the kids.

670
00:46:17,859 --> 00:46:20,527
Voilà! Spick-and-span.

671
00:46:20,778 --> 00:46:23,029
He's an actor.
He covered it with makeup.

672
00:46:24,949 --> 00:46:29,327
Doctor, I wonder if you could help me
escort these children to the vehicle.

673
00:46:29,412 --> 00:46:31,913
- No, Mr Poe.
- We'll send a postcard.

674
00:46:32,039 --> 00:46:34,624
About one thing
all the witnesses agreed.

675
00:46:34,709 --> 00:46:39,337
The sound they heard next
was so shocking, so surprising,

676
00:46:39,714 --> 00:46:41,548
it still haunts them to this day.

677
00:46:51,976 --> 00:46:55,645
Damn it.
This was such a good character.

678
00:47:18,753 --> 00:47:21,421
Bum buttery bluebird is singing a tune

679
00:47:21,631 --> 00:47:23,173
Rest assured, children,

680
00:47:23,257 --> 00:47:26,343
the authorities are in hot pursuit
of Mr Stephano,

681
00:47:26,427 --> 00:47:29,971
from his eyebrow-less forehead
to his un-tattooed ankle.

682
00:47:30,056 --> 00:47:32,140
The Italian fiend.

683
00:47:32,225 --> 00:47:34,893
Though still in the clutches
of a clueless banker,

684
00:47:34,977 --> 00:47:37,896
the Baudelaires celebrated
their unmasking of Olaf

685
00:47:37,980 --> 00:47:41,691
as they skimmed their way across
the icy surface of Lake Lachrymose.

686
00:47:41,776 --> 00:47:45,529
But Klaus wasn't the sort to think
on the surface of anything.

687
00:47:46,030 --> 00:47:48,198
He knew there was something
beneath their journey,

688
00:47:48,282 --> 00:47:51,117
even though all he had to go on
was a spyglass,

689
00:47:51,285 --> 00:47:55,539
the knowledge of another terrible fire
and two words on a slip of paper.

690
00:47:55,623 --> 00:47:57,541
Aunt Josephine?

691
00:47:58,292 --> 00:47:59,918
Never heard of her.

692
00:48:01,462 --> 00:48:05,340
Does it strike you as odd that
none of our relatives are related to us?

693
00:48:22,149 --> 00:48:23,608
Aunt Josephine?

694
00:48:25,403 --> 00:48:27,153
Baudelaires?

695
00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:29,447
- Is that you?
- Yes.

696
00:48:31,325 --> 00:48:32,784
Good.

697
00:48:32,868 --> 00:48:33,868
Come in. Come in.

698
00:48:33,953 --> 00:48:36,997
Hurricane Herman is about to arrive
at any time now.

699
00:48:39,292 --> 00:48:42,544
Violet. Look at you.

700
00:48:42,628 --> 00:48:44,045
Hello.

701
00:48:44,130 --> 00:48:46,172
Come in, quickly. Quickly, children.

702
00:48:46,257 --> 00:48:47,757
- What?
- What's the matter?

703
00:48:47,967 --> 00:48:49,175
Not that quickly.

704
00:48:49,260 --> 00:48:51,636
You could trip over the welcome mat

705
00:48:51,929 --> 00:48:53,680
and decapitate yourselves.

706
00:48:54,682 --> 00:48:56,891
So... Quickly.

707
00:48:57,310 --> 00:48:59,269
But not too quickly. All right?

708
00:49:13,909 --> 00:49:17,078
I'm sorry. It's so chilly in here.

709
00:49:17,163 --> 00:49:21,374
Sometimes it gets so cold
I can hardly stand it.

710
00:49:21,459 --> 00:49:24,127
Would you like me to
turn the radiator up for you?

711
00:49:24,211 --> 00:49:28,173
No, I never turn on the radiator.
I'm frightened that it might explode.

712
00:49:29,592 --> 00:49:34,471
Children, I must ask you not to use
any of the doorknobs in the house.

713
00:49:34,555 --> 00:49:37,641
Just push on the wood of the door

714
00:49:37,725 --> 00:49:39,309
and it'll open.

715
00:49:39,393 --> 00:49:40,644
Why?

716
00:49:40,728 --> 00:49:44,939
I'm always afraid that the doorknobs
will shatter into a million tiny pieces

717
00:49:45,024 --> 00:49:46,858
and one of them will hit my eye.

718
00:49:48,527 --> 00:49:51,071
Someone's been to crazy town.

719
00:49:51,572 --> 00:49:53,323
"Delmo" is not a word.

720
00:49:54,492 --> 00:49:57,661
I can see that I'm going to have
to teach her proper English.

721
00:50:03,501 --> 00:50:07,796
Grammar is the greatest joy in life,
don't you find?

722
00:50:08,005 --> 00:50:09,464
- Definitely.
- I love grammar.

723
00:50:09,548 --> 00:50:12,592
She's the Mayorof crazy town.

724
00:50:18,265 --> 00:50:20,266
Perfect. Nice hot soup.

725
00:50:20,685 --> 00:50:24,187
Actually, it's chilled cucumber soup.

726
00:50:24,271 --> 00:50:25,855
I never cook anything hot.

727
00:50:25,940 --> 00:50:29,275
I'm afraid that the stove
will burst into flames.

728
00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:31,611
- Where's your brother?
- The kitchen.

729
00:50:32,863 --> 00:50:34,114
Klaus?

730
00:50:34,615 --> 00:50:36,116
What are you doing?

731
00:50:36,492 --> 00:50:37,492
Napkins.

732
00:50:37,993 --> 00:50:39,452
Napkins are here.

733
00:50:40,079 --> 00:50:42,956
Come away from the fridge.
If it falls, it'll crush you flat.

734
00:50:44,458 --> 00:50:46,126
All right.

735
00:50:46,877 --> 00:50:48,962
Would you like to see some pictures?

736
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:55,176
Careful. Don't get a paper cut.

737
00:50:58,264 --> 00:50:59,639
Is this lke?

738
00:51:01,642 --> 00:51:02,809
Wasn't he handsome?

739
00:51:07,648 --> 00:51:10,233
Look at all the things you did,
Aunt Josephine.

740
00:51:10,317 --> 00:51:12,235
You tamed lions?

741
00:51:12,319 --> 00:51:15,989
I was quite adventurous

742
00:51:16,073 --> 00:51:17,907
when lke was alive.

743
00:51:32,381 --> 00:51:35,008
Uncle Monty? You knew Uncle Monty?

744
00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:37,802
No. That's not a good picture of me.

745
00:51:37,887 --> 00:51:39,345
Wait, is...

746
00:51:39,430 --> 00:51:42,056
- Is that our parents?
- Was this some sort of club?

747
00:51:43,142 --> 00:51:45,643
Why do you all have these spyglasses?

748
00:51:45,728 --> 00:51:50,774
I don't like the way I look in that picture.

749
00:51:54,528 --> 00:51:56,446
Did lke die in a fire?

750
00:51:58,491 --> 00:52:00,784
Silly child, no.

751
00:52:01,035 --> 00:52:03,369
He was eaten by leeches.

752
00:52:04,914 --> 00:52:06,539
Okay.

753
00:52:06,624 --> 00:52:07,832
Come, I'll show you.

754
00:52:13,214 --> 00:52:15,465
Watch the chandelier, children.

755
00:52:15,549 --> 00:52:17,759
If it falls, it'll impale you.

756
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:43,660
Ike and I explored every cove
and inlet of Lake Lachrymose,

757
00:52:43,744 --> 00:52:46,287
from Horrid Harbour

758
00:52:46,372 --> 00:52:51,501
all the way over to Curdled Cave,
way over there.

759
00:52:51,585 --> 00:52:54,587
And near that rock
is where the leeches attacked.

760
00:52:58,259 --> 00:53:01,636
Lachrymose leeches have six rows
of very sharp teeth

761
00:53:01,720 --> 00:53:03,179
and one very sharp nose.

762
00:53:03,264 --> 00:53:08,184
They are blind, but they can smell food
on a human from miles away.

763
00:53:08,269 --> 00:53:12,272
And if they smell food, they will swarm.

764
00:53:15,442 --> 00:53:20,613
I told him, "lke, you must wait one hour
before going into the water."

765
00:53:21,115 --> 00:53:22,448
But

766
00:53:23,534 --> 00:53:27,453
he only waited 45 minutes.

767
00:53:38,132 --> 00:53:40,174
I apologise, children.

768
00:53:43,637 --> 00:53:46,973
That area is private.
That was lke's room.

769
00:53:51,770 --> 00:53:54,105
God, I hate it here.

770
00:53:55,524 --> 00:53:58,151
Well, Aunt Josephine,

771
00:53:58,569 --> 00:54:01,529
have you ever thought of maybe
moving someplace else?

772
00:54:01,614 --> 00:54:05,450
Maybe if you moved away from
Lake Lachrymose you might feel better.

773
00:54:05,534 --> 00:54:07,911
I could never,

774
00:54:07,995 --> 00:54:12,248
never, never, never sell this house.

775
00:54:13,500 --> 00:54:15,585
I'm terrified of realtors.

776
00:54:15,961 --> 00:54:18,588
There are two kinds of fears,

777
00:54:18,714 --> 00:54:21,466
rational and irrational.

778
00:54:22,217 --> 00:54:25,637
Being afraid of realtors
is an irrational fear.

779
00:54:25,721 --> 00:54:27,347
Is this a bad time?

780
00:54:32,811 --> 00:54:34,812
We gotta get her out of the house.

781
00:54:42,488 --> 00:54:44,113
Watch out for those avocados.

782
00:54:44,198 --> 00:54:46,658
The pit could become lodged
in our throats.

783
00:54:46,825 --> 00:54:50,995
And watch out for that cart.
It could break free and run us over.

784
00:54:52,373 --> 00:54:54,248
Everything's fine, Aunt Josephine.

785
00:54:55,501 --> 00:54:58,044
Lord tunderin' jumped up Jehovah.

786
00:54:58,128 --> 00:54:59,587
Is it the black plague?

787
00:54:59,713 --> 00:55:02,298
No, that there was all my fault, eywah.

788
00:55:02,383 --> 00:55:07,011
Can't tell ya how sorry I is for running
into your sister there like that.

789
00:55:07,096 --> 00:55:10,348
- Aunt Josephine...
- Couple of right beauties ya are, mum.

790
00:55:10,891 --> 00:55:11,975
Especially you.

791
00:55:12,059 --> 00:55:13,434
Aunt Josephine...

792
00:55:13,727 --> 00:55:17,814
- Allow me to introduce meself.
- No, allow Klaus and I to introduce him.

793
00:55:17,898 --> 00:55:19,983
Klaus and me.

794
00:55:20,067 --> 00:55:22,902
- It doesn't matter. This is...
- Doesn't matter?

795
00:55:24,196 --> 00:55:25,697
Are you jiggin' me, girl?

796
00:55:25,781 --> 00:55:29,242
Why, perhaps it's just the ramblin's
of an expert fisherman,

797
00:55:29,326 --> 00:55:32,787
but grammar is the number one
most important thing

798
00:55:32,871 --> 00:55:35,248
in this here world to me.

799
00:55:35,332 --> 00:55:36,332
It is?

800
00:55:36,417 --> 00:55:37,667
Is she desperate?

801
00:55:37,751 --> 00:55:38,835
It's the whole ball of wax.

802
00:55:38,919 --> 00:55:42,422
The entire kit 'n caboodle.
Why, without your good grammar,

803
00:55:42,798 --> 00:55:46,801
the whole darn shootin' match
could go arse over tea kettle.

804
00:55:46,885 --> 00:55:50,179
Well, you can certainly turn a phrase.

805
00:55:50,264 --> 00:55:53,182
I can flip it up and rub it down too.

806
00:55:53,642 --> 00:55:58,896
Course, that would be
entirely up to you, mum.

807
00:55:59,606 --> 00:56:01,274
Captain Sham

808
00:56:02,276 --> 00:56:03,568
at your service.

809
00:56:03,652 --> 00:56:06,362
He's lying. He's Count Olaf.

810
00:56:07,448 --> 00:56:10,241
That... That horrible man
you warned me about?

811
00:56:10,325 --> 00:56:11,993
- Where? Who?
- Right in front of you.

812
00:56:12,119 --> 00:56:14,370
- Where's he at?
- Behind Captain Sham?

813
00:56:14,455 --> 00:56:16,122
I'll show him a ting or two.

814
00:56:16,206 --> 00:56:18,416
I'll give him the ol' wax on,
wax off, me son.

815
00:56:18,500 --> 00:56:20,793
Captain Sham is Count Olaf.

816
00:56:21,336 --> 00:56:23,337
I'm not going through this again.

817
00:56:23,630 --> 00:56:25,798
Children of the corn!

818
00:56:28,677 --> 00:56:32,305
Why did you do this to this poor man?

819
00:56:33,432 --> 00:56:36,517
I'm so sorry. Sorry.

820
00:56:37,019 --> 00:56:39,187
That's gonna smart in the mornin'.

821
00:56:40,481 --> 00:56:42,732
I don't pay that no never mind, mum.

822
00:56:42,816 --> 00:56:46,527
He's just a boy barely out
of his OshKosh B'Gosh.

823
00:56:47,071 --> 00:56:50,031
I've had to deal with that
ever since me leg was chewed off

824
00:56:50,115 --> 00:56:51,783
by the Lachrymose leeches.

825
00:56:52,201 --> 00:56:54,285
Why didn't I wait an hour
before swimmin'?

826
00:56:54,369 --> 00:56:56,871
Why? Why? Why?

827
00:56:58,373 --> 00:57:01,334
- The leeches took my husband too.
- Get out of town.

828
00:57:01,418 --> 00:57:03,753
No, really.

829
00:57:03,837 --> 00:57:08,758
By jeez, them blasted leeches
doomed me to a life of hoppin', they did.

830
00:57:08,842 --> 00:57:11,594
Sure I get the good parkin' spots,

831
00:57:11,678 --> 00:57:15,973
but who could love a man with one leg
and a face like a hen's arse?

832
00:57:16,058 --> 00:57:19,435
I'm as lonely as a gull on a rock, girl.

833
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:22,188
Oh, Captain Sham.

834
00:57:22,898 --> 00:57:26,859
Would you come to my house
for dinner this evening?

835
00:57:26,944 --> 00:57:28,069
- No.
- No.

836
00:57:28,153 --> 00:57:29,779
I don't know about that, mum.

837
00:57:29,863 --> 00:57:33,658
I'm afeared I might scuff up the floors
with this old cribbage peg.

838
00:57:33,742 --> 00:57:36,410
Well, I will lay down newspapers.

839
00:57:36,495 --> 00:57:40,498
Please, the children are going to
make a lovely dinner of Puttanesca.

840
00:57:40,582 --> 00:57:45,086
The very meal I ate
before they took me leg!

841
00:57:45,170 --> 00:57:47,296
Oh, my goodness. Well, children,

842
00:57:47,381 --> 00:57:49,298
I'm going to take Captain Sham home.

843
00:57:49,383 --> 00:57:53,845
And you stay here and shop for
an entirely Puttanesca-free dinner.

844
00:57:54,721 --> 00:57:58,141
- But...
- "But" is not a sentence, Klaus.

845
00:57:59,726 --> 00:58:02,770
- Aunt Josephine.
- Hey!

846
00:58:02,855 --> 00:58:04,814
You haven't paid for that.

847
00:58:10,237 --> 00:58:11,988
Kids today.

848
00:58:36,096 --> 00:58:44,604
Aunt Josephine?

849
00:58:47,900 --> 00:58:51,110
- Are you here?
- Aunt Jo?

850
00:58:52,279 --> 00:58:55,656
- Are you here?
- Aunt Josephine?

851
00:58:56,241 --> 00:58:57,950
Aunt Jo.

852
00:59:01,747 --> 00:59:04,957
Oh, no. No!

853
00:59:11,632 --> 00:59:17,803
We're too late.

854
00:59:23,644 --> 00:59:25,228
What does it say?

855
00:59:25,312 --> 00:59:26,979
It's a suicide note.

856
00:59:29,149 --> 00:59:30,691
"Violet, Klaus and Sunny,

857
00:59:30,776 --> 00:59:33,486
"by the time you read this
my life will be at its end.

858
00:59:33,570 --> 00:59:37,198
"My heart is as cold as lke
and I find life inbearable."

859
00:59:37,282 --> 00:59:40,284
- "Inbearable"?
- Go on.

860
00:59:40,369 --> 00:59:43,496
"I know you may not understand
the sad life of a dowadger..."

861
00:59:43,580 --> 00:59:47,875
- "Dowager" has one "D".
- Doesn't matter. Keep going.

862
00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:52,588
"...or what would have led
to this desperate act."

863
00:59:52,673 --> 00:59:54,423
"Act" is spelt with a "C".

864
00:59:54,508 --> 00:59:56,467
Why are you checking her spelling?

865
00:59:56,551 --> 01:00:00,263
Her greatest joy was grammar.
Why is she making all these mistakes?

866
01:00:01,223 --> 01:00:05,142
If you were about to jump out a window,
you might make a few mistakes too.

867
01:00:05,227 --> 01:00:07,353
"Please know that I am happier this way.

868
01:00:07,437 --> 01:00:10,314
"As my last will, I leave you
in the care of Captain Sham,

869
01:00:10,399 --> 01:00:13,109
"a kind and honourable man."

870
01:00:14,278 --> 01:00:16,028
That was his plan.

871
01:00:16,113 --> 01:00:18,864
He made her write this
and then pushed her out the window.

872
01:00:24,538 --> 01:00:27,456
No, it's not a suicide note.
It's a message.

873
01:00:28,375 --> 01:00:31,794
It's not supposed to be "lke,"
it's supposed to be "ice" with a "C".

874
01:00:33,380 --> 01:00:34,922
"Unbearable" with a "U".

875
01:00:52,691 --> 01:00:55,776
All the way over to Curdled Cave,
way over there.

876
01:00:56,445 --> 01:00:58,946
She's not dead. She's hiding.

877
01:00:59,239 --> 01:01:00,406
Curdled Cave?

878
01:01:04,661 --> 01:01:05,661
Sunny!

879
01:01:27,351 --> 01:01:29,393
He was investigating fires.

880
01:01:40,697 --> 01:01:42,323
Klaus, we gotta go.

881
01:01:57,714 --> 01:02:00,132
- Come away from the fridge.
- What?

882
01:02:00,926 --> 01:02:02,927
If it falls, it could crush you flat.

883
01:02:44,219 --> 01:02:45,678
No way.

884
01:02:56,523 --> 01:02:57,982
Is it over?

885
01:03:04,781 --> 01:03:08,117
Violet, you better tie your hair up.

886
01:03:28,138 --> 01:03:30,764
Violet, ideas?

887
01:03:50,285 --> 01:03:52,077
Bring me that fire extinguisher.

888
01:03:52,746 --> 01:03:53,746
Why?

889
01:03:53,830 --> 01:03:56,332
Because we need to move this anchor
over there.

890
01:03:56,416 --> 01:03:59,084
- What?
- Just help me.

891
01:04:14,017 --> 01:04:15,601
On three, we're gonna break that beam.

892
01:04:15,685 --> 01:04:17,353
- Break it?
- Yes.

893
01:04:17,437 --> 01:04:20,189
- That's the only thing keeping us up.
- Exactly.

894
01:04:20,273 --> 01:04:23,484
- Sure you tied your hair tight enough?
- On three.

895
01:04:25,153 --> 01:04:26,445
One.

896
01:04:26,947 --> 01:04:28,155
Two.

897
01:04:29,407 --> 01:04:30,658
Three.

898
01:04:40,377 --> 01:04:44,547
Wait.

899
01:04:44,631 --> 01:04:47,007
Hold on, Sunny. Now!

900
01:05:02,524 --> 01:05:04,275
What do we do now?

901
01:05:04,359 --> 01:05:06,986
She's alive.
We have to go to the authorities.

902
01:05:07,070 --> 01:05:08,112
No.

903
01:05:08,196 --> 01:05:10,489
- What?
- They won't listen. They never listen.

904
01:05:10,574 --> 01:05:14,868
It's Olaf. He'll never stop.
We have to find her ourselves.

905
01:05:17,122 --> 01:05:22,376
Hey, you kids. It's Captain Sham,
your new guardian.

906
01:05:22,460 --> 01:05:26,171
You just stay where you're at
and we'll come where you're to.

907
01:05:26,298 --> 01:05:28,591
Ever read any books on sailing?

908
01:05:31,094 --> 01:05:34,221
Klaus had read exactly
15 books on sailing

909
01:05:34,306 --> 01:05:36,890
and two books on meteorology.

910
01:05:36,975 --> 01:05:39,768
But it is one thing
to do something in theory,

911
01:05:39,853 --> 01:05:42,438
another to do it in practise.

912
01:05:42,522 --> 01:05:45,983
Little could have prepared them
for the crossing to Curdled Cave

913
01:05:46,067 --> 01:05:50,029
at the hands of an angry
and ill-humoured lake.

914
01:05:50,113 --> 01:05:53,782
But as the storm passed
and the waters calmed,

915
01:05:54,075 --> 01:05:57,995
the Baudelaires couldn't help but feel
a small sense of accomplishment.

916
01:05:58,079 --> 01:06:03,375
A rare moment of joy
in their otherwise woeful lives.

917
01:06:03,460 --> 01:06:04,793
They had made it.

918
01:06:04,878 --> 01:06:07,296
And if their guardian
could not rescue them,

919
01:06:07,380 --> 01:06:10,716
then they would rescue their guardian.

920
01:06:21,936 --> 01:06:58,013
Aunt Josephine?

921
01:07:01,518 --> 01:07:03,185
Are you in here?

922
01:07:14,864 --> 01:07:16,949
Aunt Josephine!

923
01:07:19,661 --> 01:07:22,121
Children, you did it!

924
01:07:22,205 --> 01:07:26,041
You deciphered the clues in my note.

925
01:07:26,126 --> 01:07:27,543
We're so glad you're okay.

926
01:07:27,627 --> 01:07:29,002
It was so horrible.

927
01:07:29,087 --> 01:07:32,589
Count Olaf forced me to write that will
and then it nearly killed me

928
01:07:32,674 --> 01:07:35,342
to add in all those grammatical errors.

929
01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:39,638
- So did you bring groceries?
- Groceries?

930
01:07:39,889 --> 01:07:42,683
- We just came through a storm.
- Well, so?

931
01:07:43,017 --> 01:07:46,645
How do you expect us to live in
this cave if you didn't bring any food?

932
01:07:46,813 --> 01:07:47,855
Live in the cave?

933
01:07:48,106 --> 01:07:50,441
No, Aunt Josephine,
you have to come back with us.

934
01:07:50,525 --> 01:07:53,444
You willed us to Captain Sham.
You're proof it's a lie.

935
01:07:53,695 --> 01:07:54,737
No, no, no.

936
01:07:54,821 --> 01:07:57,531
- It's too dangerous. I'm sorry.
- Too dangerous?

937
01:07:57,699 --> 01:07:59,700
You're supposed to take care of us.

938
01:07:59,993 --> 01:08:02,119
I'm not going to talk about it any more.

939
01:08:03,830 --> 01:08:07,416
You know, Aunt Josephine,
Curdled Cave is for sale.

940
01:08:07,667 --> 01:08:09,084
So?

941
01:08:09,169 --> 01:08:14,006
So, before too long,
people are gonna come to look at it

942
01:08:14,507 --> 01:08:18,135
and some of those people
will be realtors.

943
01:08:43,328 --> 01:08:46,955
Aunt Josephine, what does this mean?

944
01:08:48,583 --> 01:08:51,668
- Where did you find that?
- I found it in lke's room.

945
01:08:51,753 --> 01:08:53,796
The fires.

946
01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:56,131
Why was he investigating fires?

947
01:08:56,216 --> 01:09:00,761
We all were. Uncle Monty, lke and...

948
01:09:02,514 --> 01:09:04,223
Our parents.

949
01:09:05,099 --> 01:09:07,142
They were our leaders.

950
01:09:08,478 --> 01:09:11,939
Children, there are good people

951
01:09:12,023 --> 01:09:15,150
and bad people in the world.

952
01:09:15,235 --> 01:09:19,154
The ones who start the fires
and the ones who put them out.

953
01:09:19,239 --> 01:09:21,782
- Who's doing this?
- Is it Olaf?

954
01:09:22,408 --> 01:09:23,492
I've said too much already.

955
01:09:23,576 --> 01:09:26,829
Your parents knew the answer
and look what happened to them.

956
01:09:26,913 --> 01:09:28,705
Our parents?

957
01:09:29,415 --> 01:09:30,749
What did they say?

958
01:09:32,293 --> 01:09:34,211
We should never have left that cave.

959
01:09:34,295 --> 01:09:38,090
It's not too late for us to turn around.
I'll take my chances with the realtors.

960
01:09:38,174 --> 01:09:42,177
Aunt Josephine,
what did our parents say?

961
01:09:43,513 --> 01:09:45,264
We're going to die.

962
01:09:46,683 --> 01:09:47,724
What?

963
01:09:47,809 --> 01:09:49,977
It's the leeches!

964
01:09:56,985 --> 01:10:01,321
I guess it's a good thing none of us
have eaten in a while, then.

965
01:10:01,406 --> 01:10:02,739
Guess again.

966
01:10:09,831 --> 01:10:11,081
Aunt Josephine.

967
01:10:29,017 --> 01:10:31,184
There's a crack in the boat!

968
01:10:33,396 --> 01:10:34,980
Klaus, what do we do?

969
01:10:35,064 --> 01:10:37,316
They're eating the boat!

970
01:10:37,400 --> 01:10:39,902
We're sinking, sinking, sinking.

971
01:10:39,986 --> 01:10:43,447
- Klaus, paddle, please.
- Doomed. Doomed.

972
01:10:43,531 --> 01:10:45,824
Aunt Josephine, that is not helping.

973
01:10:51,789 --> 01:10:55,626
There's a boat. Over here! Over here!

974
01:10:55,710 --> 01:10:59,004
But as unpleasant as
Lachrymose leeches can be,

975
01:10:59,088 --> 01:11:03,425
there was something far more
unpleasant arriving out of the fog.

976
01:11:03,509 --> 01:11:07,679
Hello, hello, hello.

977
01:11:08,306 --> 01:11:11,934
I missed you guys.

978
01:11:12,018 --> 01:11:15,854
Looks like you could
use a little assistance.

979
01:11:15,939 --> 01:11:18,607
You're gonna need assistance
when we get to town.

980
01:11:18,691 --> 01:11:20,567
Aunt Josephine's gonna tell everyone.

981
01:11:20,693 --> 01:11:24,988
Then I'll be sent to jail and you'll
live happily with a friendly guardian,

982
01:11:25,073 --> 01:11:28,533
inventing and reading books,
and sharpening your little monkey teeth.

983
01:11:28,701 --> 01:11:31,119
Bravery and nobility will prevail at last

984
01:11:31,204 --> 01:11:34,623
and this wicked world will become
a place of cheerful harmony.

985
01:11:34,707 --> 01:11:38,210
Everyone will be singing, dancing
and giggling like the Littlest Elf.

986
01:11:38,294 --> 01:11:41,546
A happy ending.
Is that what you had in mind?

987
01:11:42,382 --> 01:11:46,301
Because I hardly think that anybody
is going to believe a dead woman.

988
01:11:46,386 --> 01:11:49,304
You won't touch her. She's gonna tell
everyone what happened.

989
01:11:49,389 --> 01:11:52,224
I won't tell anybody anything, I promise.

990
01:11:52,308 --> 01:11:57,270
Don't throw me to the leeches.
You can have the fortune, the children.

991
01:11:57,355 --> 01:11:58,355
Aunt Josephine!

992
01:11:58,731 --> 01:12:01,274
- Please.
- Welcome aboard.

993
01:12:01,359 --> 01:12:02,734
Hot potato.

994
01:12:04,779 --> 01:12:07,823
I'll go away. I'll dye my hair,
I'll change my name.

995
01:12:07,907 --> 01:12:11,451
- But what about us?
- Quiet, child. The adults are talking.

996
01:12:13,830 --> 01:12:16,999
- I suppose I don't have to kill you.
- No.

997
01:12:17,083 --> 01:12:19,626
On the other hand,
with that little stunt at the window,

998
01:12:19,711 --> 01:12:22,838
you hadn't been
a very trustworthy person.

999
01:12:23,631 --> 01:12:25,549
But

1000
01:12:26,884 --> 01:12:29,136
I could show a little mercy.

1001
01:12:31,139 --> 01:12:33,265
Haven't.

1002
01:12:37,103 --> 01:12:38,270
What?

1003
01:12:39,230 --> 01:12:41,648
You said "hadn't." That's bad grammar.

1004
01:12:41,733 --> 01:12:42,899
You should've said,

1005
01:12:42,984 --> 01:12:45,944
"You haven't been
a very trustworthy person."

1006
01:12:49,449 --> 01:12:52,659
Thank you for correcting me.

1007
01:12:53,411 --> 01:12:54,995
Not at all.

1008
01:12:56,622 --> 01:12:59,374
No. No, no, no, Aunt Josephine.

1009
01:12:59,500 --> 01:13:00,792
- You can't!
- Wait!

1010
01:13:01,502 --> 01:13:02,878
Jump!

1011
01:13:03,755 --> 01:13:06,214
Well, you get the picture.

1012
01:13:10,053 --> 01:13:12,512
Aunt Josephine.

1013
01:13:12,597 --> 01:13:16,141
Well, we've done all we can do.

1014
01:13:19,479 --> 01:13:20,771
Everybody be cool.

1015
01:13:20,855 --> 01:13:22,314
Children?

1016
01:13:22,398 --> 01:13:24,399
- Is that you?
- Mr Poe!

1017
01:13:24,484 --> 01:13:26,485
- We're...
- Drowning.

1018
01:13:29,197 --> 01:13:32,741
I saved him! I saved the boy
from the leeches!

1019
01:13:32,825 --> 01:13:35,494
Back to the depths, you fingery devils.

1020
01:13:35,578 --> 01:13:38,580
You will not devour
this boy's head today.

1021
01:13:42,835 --> 01:13:45,879
Count Olaf? What are you doing here?

1022
01:13:45,963 --> 01:13:47,130
Mr Poe, please.

1023
01:13:47,215 --> 01:13:50,759
Count Olaf,
what are you doin' here, man?

1024
01:13:50,843 --> 01:13:53,637
I know, I know, I shouldn't have come.

1025
01:13:53,721 --> 01:13:57,349
But when I heard the children
were in danger, I had to.

1026
01:13:57,433 --> 01:14:01,561
Even if I'm not fit to be their guardian.

1027
01:14:03,856 --> 01:14:06,108
It appears I was wrong about you,
Count Olaf.

1028
01:14:06,192 --> 01:14:07,526
- No.
- No.

1029
01:14:07,610 --> 01:14:08,610
No.

1030
01:14:08,694 --> 01:14:12,197
You have proven yourself to be
an exceptionally capable guardian.

1031
01:14:12,490 --> 01:14:16,159
I would be remiss if I did not place
the children with you immediately.

1032
01:14:17,703 --> 01:14:20,080
- If it weren't for you, the...
- Don't say it!

1033
01:14:20,164 --> 01:14:23,625
I can't stand the thought
of losing my little treasures.

1034
01:14:23,709 --> 01:14:28,797
Even the thought of the inheritance
would be a reminder of my heartache.

1035
01:14:28,881 --> 01:14:30,715
There's no need to fret about that.

1036
01:14:30,883 --> 01:14:34,761
The law clearly states that you would
not inherit the Baudelaire fortune

1037
01:14:34,846 --> 01:14:37,430
- if anything happened to the children.
- Say what?

1038
01:14:37,598 --> 01:14:41,977
With the exception, of course,
of blood relatives and married couples.

1039
01:14:42,770 --> 01:14:44,271
Really?

1040
01:14:53,447 --> 01:14:58,785
Mr Poe, have I told you
about our new play?

1041
01:15:10,131 --> 01:15:13,884
Critic.

1042
01:15:15,553 --> 01:15:16,595
Your cape, sir.

1043
01:15:16,679 --> 01:15:18,388
Don't try to get on my good side.

1044
01:15:21,726 --> 01:15:24,060
What is he up to?
Why are we in the play?

1045
01:15:24,145 --> 01:15:25,770
He's using this as a prop.

1046
01:15:26,314 --> 01:15:29,983
It says that if two people are married,
they're entitled to any money

1047
01:15:30,067 --> 01:15:32,736
- that either of them has.
- No, but it's just a play.

1048
01:15:32,820 --> 01:15:34,696
He can't get our fortune
by marrying me in a play.

1049
01:15:34,780 --> 01:15:39,367
Oh, can't I? Conspirators.

1050
01:15:39,452 --> 01:15:42,037
Caesar must die.
Caesar must die. Caesar must die.

1051
01:15:42,371 --> 01:15:44,664
In order to be valid,
it has to be administered

1052
01:15:44,749 --> 01:15:48,001
by a bona fide justice of the peace.
It says so right here.

1053
01:15:48,127 --> 01:15:52,297
Justice Strauss,
are you ready for your debut?

1054
01:15:52,632 --> 01:15:54,216
Thank you.

1055
01:15:54,508 --> 01:15:59,137
Look at you.
Violet, you look so beautiful.

1056
01:15:59,222 --> 01:16:02,515
You are the bride, I'm the judge.
Who's the groom?

1057
01:16:02,600 --> 01:16:05,393
No, you don't understand.
The play is real.

1058
01:16:05,561 --> 01:16:07,520
Yes! Yes.

1059
01:16:07,980 --> 01:16:11,274
It must be real. That's why I cast you.

1060
01:16:11,359 --> 01:16:14,361
All the other actors I saw
lacked the proper...

1061
01:16:14,695 --> 01:16:16,196
What's the word I'm looking for?

1062
01:16:16,280 --> 01:16:18,073
- Hair?
- Hands?

1063
01:16:18,324 --> 01:16:20,492
Verisimilitude.

1064
01:16:20,826 --> 01:16:23,328
Now remember, Justice Strauss,
you must say the words

1065
01:16:23,412 --> 01:16:26,498
as you would in a real wedding.
Get it absolutely right.

1066
01:16:26,916 --> 01:16:29,834
There are talent scouts
looking for someone your age.

1067
01:16:29,919 --> 01:16:32,420
It's all riding on this one.

1068
01:16:32,505 --> 01:16:34,923
Why did you have to tell me that?

1069
01:16:35,007 --> 01:16:36,925
- Oh, my God.
- Take her to makeup.

1070
01:16:37,009 --> 01:16:40,345
Enjoy! Embrace the butterflies.

1071
01:16:40,429 --> 01:16:42,097
This is ridiculous.

1072
01:16:42,181 --> 01:16:44,516
Violet's only 14.
She can't be legally married.

1073
01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:47,978
She can if she has the permission
of her guardian. Who's that?

1074
01:16:48,104 --> 01:16:49,354
Me!

1075
01:16:52,483 --> 01:16:53,858
Look it up, bookworm.

1076
01:16:54,026 --> 01:16:56,778
Yes. Once you say "I do"
and sign the certificate,

1077
01:16:56,862 --> 01:16:59,739
you'll really be my loverly bride.

1078
01:17:00,116 --> 01:17:03,285
You'll cook and clean
and massage my bunions

1079
01:17:03,369 --> 01:17:05,620
and clip my thick yellow toenails.

1080
01:17:05,705 --> 01:17:08,290
Hey, marriage is no picnic.

1081
01:17:08,374 --> 01:17:10,208
You gotta work at it.

1082
01:17:10,459 --> 01:17:12,752
I'll never say "I do". Never.

1083
01:17:14,213 --> 01:17:15,630
I think you might,

1084
01:17:16,882 --> 01:17:18,842
once you look up there.

1085
01:17:27,768 --> 01:17:28,893
Let her go!

1086
01:17:29,395 --> 01:17:31,187
Gladly. Let her go.

1087
01:17:32,189 --> 01:17:33,606
- No!
- Put a hold on that.

1088
01:17:35,276 --> 01:17:37,235
If you don't say "I do",

1089
01:17:37,320 --> 01:17:40,613
or if anything should happen
to interrupt this performance,

1090
01:17:41,240 --> 01:17:45,118
I say one word into this
and down will come baby,

1091
01:17:45,244 --> 01:17:47,495
cradle and all.

1092
01:17:50,082 --> 01:17:52,250
How could you? She's an infant.

1093
01:17:52,710 --> 01:17:56,087
Violet. Violet, Violet, Violet.

1094
01:17:57,006 --> 01:17:58,006
Violet.

1095
01:17:59,383 --> 01:18:01,426
You're 14 years old.

1096
01:18:01,510 --> 01:18:05,347
You should know by now that
you can't have everything you want.

1097
01:18:05,431 --> 01:18:09,017
You want a life of happiness?
A roof over your head?

1098
01:18:09,101 --> 01:18:12,228
A place to call your own
and all that jazz?

1099
01:18:14,940 --> 01:18:17,442
And what about what I want?

1100
01:18:17,818 --> 01:18:20,779
I want that enormous fortune

1101
01:18:21,113 --> 01:18:24,949
and for all investigations
against me to cease.

1102
01:18:26,035 --> 01:18:29,788
You're going to help me get what I want.

1103
01:18:31,248 --> 01:18:33,375
Tonight.

1104
01:18:41,717 --> 01:18:43,468
My public awaits.

1105
01:18:51,727 --> 01:18:54,562
Ladies and gentlemen, could you
put your appendages together

1106
01:18:54,730 --> 01:18:57,440
for The Marvelouse Marriage.

1107
01:18:57,733 --> 01:19:00,318
No, you're not going to
go through with this.

1108
01:19:03,614 --> 01:19:06,950
- I have to.
- No, come on.

1109
01:19:07,034 --> 01:19:10,286
There's always something.
There's always something.

1110
01:19:12,164 --> 01:19:13,957
No, not this time.

1111
01:19:15,543 --> 01:19:18,336
- But...
- Camel, you're on.

1112
01:19:20,339 --> 01:19:22,549
- Go, Klaus.
- Violet...

1113
01:19:22,633 --> 01:19:23,800
Go!

1114
01:19:24,760 --> 01:19:26,845
Move your hump, camel, you're on.

1115
01:19:35,771 --> 01:19:41,109
Nothing in the world will keep the count
from his beloved bride

1116
01:19:41,193 --> 01:19:43,361
Nothing in the world
Nothing in the world

1117
01:19:43,446 --> 01:19:45,864
Nothing, nothing

1118
01:19:50,453 --> 01:19:54,372
What a marvellous day for a marriage.

1119
01:19:54,457 --> 01:19:59,586
If only the handsome count
were here to claim his bride.

1120
01:19:59,837 --> 01:20:03,381
With his full head of hair
and great bravery,

1121
01:20:03,674 --> 01:20:07,302
the count has no equal.

1122
01:20:09,180 --> 01:20:10,638
What would Violet do?

1123
01:20:10,723 --> 01:20:12,807
- The courageous battle...
- What would Violet do?

1124
01:20:12,892 --> 01:20:14,642
...has waylaid him.

1125
01:20:14,727 --> 01:20:18,813
There's always something.
There's always something.

1126
01:20:18,898 --> 01:20:24,402
And the quiet, bald-headed suitor
has stolen the bride's affections.

1127
01:20:25,362 --> 01:20:28,448
Alas. The groom is a cad.

1128
01:20:28,532 --> 01:20:32,076
And nowhere near as handsome
as the count.

1129
01:20:32,161 --> 01:20:35,205
If only for a miracle.

1130
01:20:35,289 --> 01:20:40,168
Some way for the handsome count
to come and save...

1131
01:20:44,048 --> 01:20:47,425
What a thoroughly
un-marvellous marriage this will be.

1132
01:20:47,510 --> 01:20:49,219
But wait.

1133
01:20:49,720 --> 01:20:51,763
What is that?

1134
01:20:56,936 --> 01:21:01,689
It's the count in his autogiro.

1135
01:21:01,774 --> 01:21:04,025
I didn't know they had
this kind of budget.

1136
01:21:14,662 --> 01:21:19,666
Yes, it is I, come to marry my bride.

1137
01:21:20,417 --> 01:21:21,918
And you, sir,

1138
01:21:22,002 --> 01:21:25,171
have been taken by surprise.

1139
01:21:25,256 --> 01:21:29,050
Caution. This next scene
could get pretty graphic.

1140
01:21:29,134 --> 01:21:30,885
Away, rapscallion!

1141
01:21:34,348 --> 01:21:35,890
Hairless lothario!

1142
01:21:36,725 --> 01:21:38,851
Take that! And that!

1143
01:21:40,229 --> 01:21:41,896
Can I get some slack?

1144
01:21:44,149 --> 01:21:46,609
Let the wedding begin.

1145
01:22:13,721 --> 01:22:17,932
Don't look down.

1146
01:22:31,030 --> 01:22:32,280
"Do you,

1147
01:22:33,115 --> 01:22:38,369
"Count Olaf, take this woman
to be your lawfully wedded wife,

1148
01:22:38,454 --> 01:22:42,749
"in sickness and in health,
till death do you part?"

1149
01:22:42,833 --> 01:22:45,001
Until death?

1150
01:22:45,586 --> 01:22:47,920
I most certainly do.

1151
01:22:51,258 --> 01:22:57,096
"Do you, Violet Baudelaire,
take this Count Olaf,

1152
01:22:57,181 --> 01:23:00,808
"to be your lawfully wedded husband,

1153
01:23:00,893 --> 01:23:04,854
"in sickness and in health,
till death do you part?"

1154
01:23:04,938 --> 01:23:06,230
Justice Strauss, I...

1155
01:23:13,072 --> 01:23:14,906
I do.

1156
01:23:14,990 --> 01:23:16,991
- She doesn't deserve him.
- No.

1157
01:23:17,076 --> 01:23:19,327
- Are you thinking that too?
- No, she doesn't.

1158
01:23:19,411 --> 01:23:23,706
Now, all that is left for this happy couple

1159
01:23:23,791 --> 01:23:27,669
is to sign the marriage certificate,
and this union shall be...

1160
01:23:27,753 --> 01:23:29,420
Official

1161
01:23:29,838 --> 01:23:31,130
and legal.

1162
01:23:55,114 --> 01:23:58,157
Sunny, where's the key?
The key to the lock.

1163
01:23:58,534 --> 01:24:00,451
The eye!

1164
01:24:23,517 --> 01:24:26,436
Right hand, please.

1165
01:25:30,334 --> 01:25:33,044
Children, I'm afraid I must inform you

1166
01:25:33,128 --> 01:25:37,423
of an extremely unfortunate event.

1167
01:25:37,508 --> 01:25:41,135
I'm very sorry to tell you
your parents have perished in a fire

1168
01:25:41,220 --> 01:25:43,304
that's destroyed your entire home.

1169
01:25:44,014 --> 01:25:46,224
These things don't just happen.

1170
01:25:49,937 --> 01:25:51,395
Come on, come on, come on!

1171
01:25:51,814 --> 01:25:53,105
Behind you!

1172
01:25:56,026 --> 01:25:58,361
Look what I did to your pretty little home.

1173
01:25:59,863 --> 01:26:01,405
Let's finish it.

1174
01:26:09,873 --> 01:26:11,374
Boss?

1175
01:26:11,458 --> 01:26:13,709
What is it? Kinda busy right now.

1176
01:26:13,794 --> 01:26:16,254
- We've got a problem.
- Where are you?

1177
01:26:16,338 --> 01:26:18,673
Look up.

1178
01:26:22,427 --> 01:26:23,636
Hi.

1179
01:26:27,307 --> 01:26:31,060
- And so concludes our play!
- No! Wait! It wasn't a play!

1180
01:26:31,144 --> 01:26:34,105
Olaf was gonna kill Sunny
if I didn't go through with it.

1181
01:26:34,189 --> 01:26:35,731
Ridiculous.

1182
01:26:35,816 --> 01:26:37,525
No, you have to listen to me.

1183
01:26:37,609 --> 01:26:40,736
He was only marrying me
to get to the Baudelaire fortune.

1184
01:26:40,821 --> 01:26:42,572
No, that part is true, actually.

1185
01:26:44,032 --> 01:26:47,159
Violet and I are, indeed,
a blissfully wedded couple,

1186
01:26:47,244 --> 01:26:48,744
because, you see,

1187
01:26:49,538 --> 01:26:52,248
we were married in an official ceremony

1188
01:26:52,332 --> 01:26:58,129
with official and legal vows in front
of a bona fide justice of the peace.

1189
01:26:59,006 --> 01:27:01,048
Oh, my God, what have I done?

1190
01:27:01,133 --> 01:27:03,259
I'm sorry! I didn't know!

1191
01:27:03,343 --> 01:27:04,886
First order of business.

1192
01:27:04,970 --> 01:27:08,347
Put the other two brats
up for adoption separately,

1193
01:27:08,432 --> 01:27:11,225
into the far corners of the Earth.

1194
01:27:11,310 --> 01:27:14,729
These children are meddlesome
when they're together.

1195
01:27:14,813 --> 01:27:19,025
- Mr Poe.
- You unspeakable cad!

1196
01:27:19,109 --> 01:27:20,818
Arrest him!

1197
01:27:21,486 --> 01:27:22,904
For what?

1198
01:27:22,988 --> 01:27:25,156
- For being a greedy monster!
- Come on.

1199
01:27:26,992 --> 01:27:30,912
I'm the monster?

1200
01:27:31,622 --> 01:27:34,373
You're the monster.

1201
01:27:34,458 --> 01:27:37,084
Come on. Come on.

1202
01:27:37,169 --> 01:27:40,838
These children tried to tell you,
but you wouldn't listen.

1203
01:27:40,923 --> 01:27:43,883
No one ever listens to children.

1204
01:27:44,509 --> 01:27:46,886
- Come on. Come on.
- You think you're innocent?

1205
01:27:46,970 --> 01:27:48,596
You're accomplices.

1206
01:27:49,056 --> 01:27:52,975
This certificate says
that I have the fortune now.

1207
01:27:53,310 --> 01:27:54,477
Come on.

1208
01:27:54,561 --> 01:27:57,229
And there's nothing you can do about it!

1209
01:28:02,527 --> 01:28:04,862
What do you think? Too diabolical?

1210
01:28:04,947 --> 01:28:06,447
Give me some feedback.

1211
01:28:22,381 --> 01:28:24,340
Marriage is no picnic.

1212
01:28:24,424 --> 01:28:27,843
Oh, and by the way,
you're a terrible actor.

1213
01:28:28,387 --> 01:28:29,679
Now, now.

1214
01:28:30,514 --> 01:28:32,515
Let's keep our heads here.

1215
01:28:32,599 --> 01:28:36,352
If you do anything to me,
you're just sinking to my level.

1216
01:28:36,436 --> 01:28:39,814
Not to mention setting
a terrible example for the children.

1217
01:28:41,775 --> 01:28:42,984
Guilty.

1218
01:28:43,068 --> 01:28:45,569
I am thrilled to say that Count Olaf

1219
01:28:45,654 --> 01:28:49,532
was captured for crimes
too numerous to mention.

1220
01:28:49,616 --> 01:28:51,742
And before serving his life sentence,

1221
01:28:51,827 --> 01:28:55,121
it was the judge's decree
that Olaf be made to suffer

1222
01:28:55,205 --> 01:28:58,499
every hardship that
he forced upon the children.

1223
01:29:01,712 --> 01:29:03,838
Get out! Get out!

1224
01:29:07,426 --> 01:29:09,051
Oh, no.

1225
01:29:18,395 --> 01:29:20,479
The Baudelaires had triumphed,

1226
01:29:20,564 --> 01:29:25,109
a word which here means "unmasking
a cruel and talentless arsonist,

1227
01:29:25,193 --> 01:29:28,821
"and solving the mystery
of the Baudelaire fire."

1228
01:29:31,116 --> 01:29:33,367
If only justice were as kind.

1229
01:29:33,452 --> 01:29:39,040
Count Olaf vanished after a jury
of his peers overturned his sentence.

1230
01:29:39,458 --> 01:29:43,210
As for the Baudelaires,
what lay ahead for them was unclear.

1231
01:29:43,295 --> 01:29:44,670
But one thing they knew,

1232
01:29:44,755 --> 01:29:48,632
as they climbed once again
into the back of Mr Poe's car.

1233
01:29:48,717 --> 01:29:50,676
They were moving on.

1234
01:29:52,888 --> 01:29:54,972
Don't worry, children.

1235
01:29:55,057 --> 01:29:58,517
I'm sure the authorities will catch up
with Count Olaf very soon.

1236
01:29:59,519 --> 01:30:03,606
We'll all never have to deal
with that terrible man again.

1237
01:30:06,902 --> 01:30:08,736
Before we leave,

1238
01:30:09,821 --> 01:30:14,116
perhaps there's time
for just one last stop.

1239
01:32:00,098 --> 01:32:03,392
"Violet, Klaus and Sunny."
It's addressed to us.

1240
01:32:03,476 --> 01:32:05,436
Look at all these postmarks.

1241
01:32:05,520 --> 01:32:07,855
It's been to England

1242
01:32:07,939 --> 01:32:10,441
and Rome and Kenya and Iceland.

1243
01:32:10,609 --> 01:32:14,028
- I don't know where these are from.
- Who's it from?

1244
01:32:20,702 --> 01:32:22,494
Mom and Dad.

1245
01:32:37,135 --> 01:32:38,594
It's the letter.

1246
01:32:39,304 --> 01:32:41,305
The letter that never came.

1247
01:32:45,393 --> 01:32:47,353
"Dearest children,

1248
01:32:47,437 --> 01:32:50,314
"since we've been abroad
we have missed you all so much.

1249
01:32:51,191 --> 01:32:55,277
"Certain events have compelled us
to extend our travels.

1250
01:32:55,362 --> 01:32:57,196
"One day, when you're older,

1251
01:32:57,280 --> 01:33:00,157
"you will learn all about the people
we have befriended

1252
01:33:00,242 --> 01:33:02,159
"and the dangers we have faced.

1253
01:33:02,661 --> 01:33:05,913
"At times the world can seem
an unfriendly and sinister place.

1254
01:33:05,997 --> 01:33:09,625
"But believe us when we say that
there is much more good in it than bad.

1255
01:33:09,709 --> 01:33:12,503
"All you have to do is look hard enough.

1256
01:33:12,587 --> 01:33:15,047
"And what might seem to be
a series of unfortunate events

1257
01:33:15,131 --> 01:33:18,008
"may, in fact,
be the first steps of a journey.

1258
01:33:19,386 --> 01:33:22,096
"We hope to have you back
in our arms soon, darlings.

1259
01:33:22,180 --> 01:33:24,390
"But in case this letter
arrives before our return,

1260
01:33:24,474 --> 01:33:26,183
"know that we love you.

1261
01:33:27,602 --> 01:33:30,729
"It fills us with pride to know that
no matter what happens in this life,

1262
01:33:30,814 --> 01:33:34,108
"that you will take care of each other
with kindness and bravery

1263
01:33:34,192 --> 01:33:37,152
"and selflessness, as you always have.

1264
01:33:37,237 --> 01:33:40,614
"And remember one thing,
my darlings, and never forget it.

1265
01:33:41,032 --> 01:33:44,827
"That no matter where we are, know
that as long as you have each other,

1266
01:33:44,911 --> 01:33:47,997
"you have your family and you are home.

1267
01:33:48,707 --> 01:33:50,916
"Your loving parents."

1268
01:34:09,269 --> 01:34:13,272
Passing the torch is a rite of passage
that can take many forms.

1269
01:34:13,356 --> 01:34:17,484
But perhaps the least known
and most surprising

1270
01:34:17,569 --> 01:34:20,279
is the passing of a spyglass.

1271
01:34:38,465 --> 01:34:43,302
Dear reader, there are people in the
world who know no misery and woe,

1272
01:34:43,386 --> 01:34:45,846
and they take comfort in cheerful films

1273
01:34:45,930 --> 01:34:49,099
about twittering birds
and giggling elves.

1274
01:34:49,184 --> 01:34:52,561
There are people who know that
there's always a mystery to be solved,

1275
01:34:52,645 --> 01:34:54,438
and they take comfort in researching

1276
01:34:54,522 --> 01:34:57,858
and writing down
any important evidence.

1277
01:34:59,486 --> 01:35:02,780
But this story is not about such people.

1278
01:35:02,864 --> 01:35:06,367
This story is about the Baudelaires.

1279
01:35:06,451 --> 01:35:10,871
And they are the sort of people who
know that there's always something.

1280
01:35:10,955 --> 01:35:14,166
Something to invent, something to read,

1281
01:35:14,250 --> 01:35:17,252
something to bite and something to do

1282
01:35:17,337 --> 01:35:21,548
to make a sanctuary,
no matter how small.

1283
01:35:31,601 --> 01:35:34,895
And for this reason, I am happy to say,

1284
01:35:34,979 --> 01:35:40,067
the Baudelaires
were very fortunate indeed.

1285
01:46:15,077 --> 01:46:18,955
Oh, the captain loved the ladies

1286
01:46:19,040 --> 01:46:21,541
But he dragged himself a wife

1287
01:46:21,625 --> 01:46:25,295
Now he's wishin' he was fishin'
But he's on the hook for life

1288
01:46:25,379 --> 01:46:29,174
Well, I guess he shouldn't of oughta
But he drowned her in the water

1289
01:46:29,258 --> 01:46:33,178
And then a flounder downed her
That's why they never found her

1290
01:46:38,642 --> 01:46:42,062
Bum buttery flit fluttery
Dum diddly-ooh

1291
01:46:42,146 --> 01:46:45,565
Bum buttery bluebird is singing a tune

1292
01:46:45,649 --> 01:46:49,110
Daffodil dillies awaken and prune

1293
01:46:49,195 --> 01:46:52,113
Bursting in bloom
All the flowers assume

1294
01:46:52,198 --> 01:46:56,326
It's a loverly, loverly spring

1295
01:47:03,501 --> 01:47:06,711
Chit-chattery chipmunks
all singing along

1296
01:47:06,796 --> 01:47:10,256
Humming their
join-in-a-spring-along song

1297
01:47:10,341 --> 01:47:13,343
Spring is the springiest time for a song

1298
01:47:13,427 --> 01:47:17,097
It's a loverly, loverly spring

1299
01:47:17,181 --> 01:47:20,725
In the forest we play
with the rabbits all day

1300
01:47:20,810 --> 01:47:24,354
We visit the birdies and fishes

1301
01:47:24,438 --> 01:47:27,857
There's nary a care
when there's spring in the air

1302
01:47:27,942 --> 01:47:31,778
The feeling is just too delicious

1303
01:47:31,862 --> 01:47:35,198
Bum buttery buttercups all in a row

1304
01:47:35,282 --> 01:47:38,952
Trilling and frilling
and stealing the show

1305
01:47:39,036 --> 01:47:41,955
May is the merriest month that I know

1306
01:47:42,039 --> 01:47:45,959
It's a loverly, loverly
La la loverly

1307
01:47:46,043 --> 01:47:49,629
La la loverly spring