I'M JUST SAYING
I DON'T THINK I FEEL COMFORTABLE
DOING THIS ANYMORE.
ALICE, I'VE NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE
ABOUT ANYONE.
I THINK I SHOULD GO.
THE VAGINA'S GIRLFRIEND
WAS MOLESTED,
AND NOW SHE'S, LIKE, THIS PERFECT SAINT.
I'M TRYING TO FIND A FRIEND OF MINE...
LINDSEY.
MY GIRLFRIEND, STACEY.
SHE'S A JOURNALIST.
WE'RE KIND OF HAVING PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW.
AW, I'M SO SORRY.
YEAH, I BET YOU ARE.
YOU HAVE A MOTORCYCLE?
FUCK, THAT'S COOL!
I'LL TAKE YOU FOR A RIDE SOMETIME.
I WOULD LOVE THAT.
FUCK...
I WANT ANOTHER LESSON.
SHE IS SO FIRED.
IT'S ABOUT KIT.
ANGUS IS...
CHEATING ON HER.
AND HE BROKE HIS ARM.
POOR THING.
DO YOU HAVE MEDICAL INSURANCE?
UH, NO, I DON'T.
HOW ARE YOU MANAGING?
WELL, I-I TOOK ANOTHER JOB TO HELP PAY FOR, UH...
HIS ARM, AND EVERYTHING THAT COMES WITH IT.
THAT'S A BITCH.
MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU...
BUT, UH, WE DO WHAT WE HAVE TO DO, RIGHT?
[**]
"YOU'RE LOOKING VERY SHANE TODAY."
ISN'T IT FANTASTIC?
IT STRIKES EXACTLY THE CHORD WE WANT.
SEXY AND WITHHOLDING.
LIKE, "YOU WANNA FUCK ME,
BUT YOU CAN'T FUCK ME."
TOMORROW NIGHT'S GOING TO BE AMAZING.
I KNOW, RIGHT?
I'M SORRY, WHAT'S TOMORROW NIGHT?
SILLY, WE'RE SPONSORING
THE ROLL THE DICE PREMIERE.
OH... WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN GET A BABYSITTER IN TIME.
TOMORROW NIGHT
THERE'S GOING TO BE YOU EVERYWHERE.
POSTERS, BILLBOARDS, GIFT BAGS, COASTERS,
TCHOTCHKES, KEYCHAINS, HANDBAGS--
AND YOU.
YOU'D BETTER BE THERE
LOOKING VERY SHANE.
IT'S THE BIGGEST PARTY OF THE YEAR,
AND YOU'RE OUR NEWEST "IT" GIRL!
DON'T YOU WANT TO JUST DIE?
[**]
* GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES *
* CHICKS DRIVING FAST INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES *
* WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE, LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE *
* THIS IS THE WAY IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* TALKING, LAUGHING LOVING, BREATHING *
* FIGHTING, FUCKING CRYING, DRINKING *
* WRITING, WINNING LOSING, CHEATING *
* KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING
* THIS IS THE WAY...
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE
* AND LOVE
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
YEAH.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT PHYLLIS!
SHE KEEPS CALLING ME,
AND SHE THINKS I'M THE LOVE OF HER LIFE.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT, MAN?
YOU WERE HER FIRST LOVE.
I KNOW, BUT SHANE, SHE'S MARRIED WITH KIDS!
AND SHE'S THIS TOTALLY ACCOMPLISHED WOMAN
WITH THIS BIG-TIME CAREER,
AND THIS WHOLE OTHER, YOU KNOW, LIFE,
AND NOW BETTE'S MAD AT ME--
LOOK, ALICE,
I LOVE YOU TO PIECES, ANGEL,
BUT I GOT TO DEAL WITH MY OWN STUFF RIGHT NOW.
WHAT THING?
THE FUCKIN' UNDERWEAR THING.
BE SPECIFIC.
YOU KNOW, THE FUCKIN' BULLSHIT GODDAMN
HOLLYWOOD PARTY THAT I HAVE TO GO TO.
OOH, WHAT MOVIE?
UH, WHAT IS IT? ROLL THE DICE?
YOU'RE PART OF THE ROLL THE DI PREMIERE?
THAT'S SO EXCITING!
NO, IT'S REALLY NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL.
OH, MY GOD, CAN I PLEASE BE YOUR DATE?
PLEASE?
AND I THINK YOU SHOULD INVITE EVERYBODY.
NO!
NO-- I MEAN, YES, YOU CAN BE MY DATE,
BUT NO, I DON'T WANT YOU INVITING ANYBODY ELSE.
DON'T BE A YENTA.
ALL RIGHT, SHANE,
I REALLY THINK WE SHOULD ALL BE THERE
TO, LIKE, SUPPORT YOUR UNDERWEAR.
ALICE, ALICE! OH, SHIT, HOLD ON.
ALICE!THAT'S MY OTHER LINE.
HELLO?
ALICE, THIS THING WITH PHYLLIS
IS COMPLETELY OUT OF HAND
ALL RIGHT, TWO WORDS-- SASKIA PHILLIPS.
WHAT?
SHE'S THAT REALLY HOT STAR
OF, YOU KNOW, ROLL THE DICE,
AND WE ALL WANT TO GO TO THE PREMIERE
TOMORROW NIGHT IN SUPPORT OF SHANE.
I CAN'T GO. WHY?
BECAUSE I HAVE TO WORK.
WHY DO I HAVE TO WORK? BECAUSE OF THE WAY
THAT YOU BROKE UP WITH PHYLLIS.
SHE'S COMPLETELY TERRORIZING MY STAFF.
SHE HAS ALREADY SLASHED MY BUDGET.
IT'S A FUCKING BLOODBATH OVER HERE!
I'VE GOT PHYLLIS ON LINE ONE.
ALICE, CAN YOU HOLD ON A SECOND?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
[SIGHS]
OKAY...
PHYLLIS...
HAVE YOU HEARD FROM ALICE?
NO.
NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M SURE THAT SHE'S JUST SWAMPED
WITH HER... HER INTERNET SITE, AND--
I NEED YOU TO GET HER TO TALK TO ME.
IT'S A DIFFICULT SITUATION, PHYLLIS.
THE SEX WAS INCREDIBLE.
STELLAR, EARTH-SHATTERING, EVEN.
WELL, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES...
CAN I GET A DOUBLE AMERICANO?
WHEN YOU HAVE GREAT SEX WITH SOMEONE, IT DOESN'T MEAN...
[RINGING]
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP.
HELLO?
WE'RE OUT OF MILK.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN,
WE ARE GOING TO THE PREMIERE
OF ROLL THE DICE TOMORROW NIGHT
TO SEE SHANE'S UNDERWEAR.
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE.
EVEN WHEN I WORK, I LOSE MONEY.
HELENA, SERIOUSLY, I'M GETTING WORRIED.
BECAUSE, LIKE, YOU'RE NOT EATING,
YOU'RE NOT SLEEPING--
I'M EATING, ALL RIGHT? I'M EATING.
DON'T WORRY, YOU'RE COMING.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A GREAT TIME.
WE'RE ALL GOING TO GO SEE SHANE'S UNDERWEAR.
IT'S GREAT. I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
[RINGING]
WHAT? HELENA'S IN!
ALICE! I'M TELLING YOU, THAT'S THE POINT!
I DON'T WANT ANYBODY IN!
ANYBODY OUT! [BEEPING]
IT'S PAPI. HOLD ON.
YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK IT.
I'M GETTING OFF. I WANT COFFEE.
YO! ALICIA...
YOU GOING TO THAT ROLL THE DICE PREMIERE
TOMORROW NIGHT WITH YOUR GIRL, SHANE?
YES, I AM. ALL RIGHT,
'CAUSE I GOT MYSELF A TICKET
FROM THIS PRODUCER THAT I DRIVE,
BUT I WANT TO BRING MY GIRL TASHA.
SHE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
GIRL, SHE'S NOT MY "GIRL."
SHE'S MY GIRL, YOU KNOW?
AND BY THE WAY,
SHE IS ONE OF THE BEST PEOPLE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET
THAT YOU COULD EVER MEET...
AND I THINK SHE THINKS YOU'RE CUTE.
SHE THINKS I'M CUTE?
DEFINITELY. OKAY, LISTEN.
I'LL TRY TO HOOK YOU UP WITH A TICKET.
ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
ALSO, THERE'S AN AFTER PARTY
THROWN BY SOME WOMAN, LIKE, ROTHBERG?
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
CATHERINE ROTHBERG.
SHE'S FAMOUS FOR HER HIGH-STAKES POKER GAMES,
BUT SHE'S WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PLAY.
THAT'S OKAY, GIRL,
'CAUSE I JUST HAPPEN TO BE AN EXPERT,
AND I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO PLAY.
OKAY, GREAT.
SEE YOU. OKAY-- OH, BYE.
GREAT. FUN, FUN, FUN...
YO.WE'RE GOING OUT TONIGHT.
I'M SENSING A LOVE CONNECTION.
YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
DON'T DO IT.
YOU CAN'T FIGHT THE FATES, WILLIAMS.
I SEE THE SIGNS.
WE'RE GOING OUT, AND THAT'S AN ORDER.
UH, JODI LERNER'S HERE TO SEE YOU.
WHAT?
UH...
JODI...
UM...HI.
I'M REALLY SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T RETURNED YOUR CALLS.
I'VE JUST BEEN SO SLAMMED WITH WORK--
YOU KNOW WHAT? STOP IT.
IT'S...
YOU'VE BEEN FREAKING OUT EVER SINCE WE ALMOST KISSED,
AND YOU'RE AVOIDING ME,
SO I JUST WANTED TO SAY...
GET OVER IT.
YOU'RE WICKED HOT,
AND I WOULD HAVE GONE FOR IT,
BUT WE HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER, SO...
IF YOU WANT TO PRETEND THAT IT NEVER HAPPENED,
I'M OKAY WITH THAT.
[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO RESPOND TO THAT.
I'VE GOT PHYLLIS ON LINE ONE.
SHIT.
I'LL LET YOU GET THAT.
[SIGHING HEAVILY]
OKAY...
PHYLLIS.
IT'S BECAUSE SHE MET LEONARD.
IF I DIDN'T HAVE A HUSBAND,
EVERYTHING WOULD BE DIFFERENT.
ALICE ON LINE FOUR.
PHYLLIS, CAN YOU HOLD ON FOR JUST A SECOND?
ALICE...
ALICE, YOU HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH HER.
I ALREADY BROKE UP WITH HER--
YEAH, WELL, YOU RE-BREAK UP WITH HER,
BECAUSE SOME LESBIANS,
YOU HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH THEM MORE THAN ONCE--
[BEEPING]
HOLD ON. THAT'S JENNY. I GOT TO GO--
I'M SERIOUS!
ALICE! OKAY!
HI. HI.
DO YOU WANT TO COME TO THE PLANET
AND HAVE COFFEE WITH ME?
I WISH I COULD.
THERE'S TOO MUCH DRAMA,
BUT LISTEN, WE'RE ALL GOING TO THE PREMIERE
OF ROLL THE DICE TOMORROW NIGHT.
DO YOU WANT TO COME?
YEAH, DEFINITELY. HEY, MAMA.
HI. HANG ON ONE SECOND.
UM, THAT'S ALICE,
AND SHE'S PUTTING TOGETHER A BUNCH OF PEOPLE
FOR THE ROLL THE DICE PREMIERE
TOMORROW NIGHT.
DO YOU WANT TO COME?
GIVE ME THE PHONE.
ALICE, YOU'RE FUCKING KILLING ME.
I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING!
YEAH, DEAN PORTER'S OFFICE.
UH, KIT, HER SISTER, IS CALLING.
I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF.
BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF,
JENNY WANTS TO KNOW
DO YOU WANT TO GO TO A PREMIERE WITH HER
TOMORROW NIGHT.
I CAN'T GO BECAUSE I'LL BE DEAD
BECAUSE I WILL HAVE KILLED MYSELF.
PHYLLIS WILL NOT GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONE.
WELL, SHANE'S ON THE PHONE WITH ALICE NOW.
TELL HER TO TELL ALICE TO BREAK IT OFF RIGHT NOW.
SHANE... YEAH?
BETTE SAID TELL ALICE TO CALL PHYLLIS
AND BREAK IT OFF WITH HER RIGHT NOW.
OKAY, KIT SAYS THAT BETTE SAYS
THAT YOU NEED TO CALL PHYLLIS
AND BREAK IT OFF WITH HER RIGHT NOW.
I DID! SHE DID. SHE DID.
TELL HER TO DO IT AGAIN.
LOOK, ALICE, WILL YOU PLEASE
LET THIS WOMAN OFF THE HOOK?
OH, REALLY?
YOU OF ALL PEOPLE ARE GIVING ME ADVICE
HOW TO LET A GIRL DOWN EASY?
YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T THINK
I DON'T HAVEIS NECESSARY. ANY MONEY.
ALSO, I DON'T WANT YOU CHANGING THE TOPIC.
I WANT TO KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE
YOU FUCKING INVITED.
OKAY, I INVITED HELENA, JENNY, BETTE--
SHE CAN'T COME--
UM, PAPI'S COMING,
BUT SHE NEEDS AN EXTRA TICKET FOR TASHA...
BUT THAT'S HER ANGRY FRIEND.
SHE'S NOT ANGRY. [BEEPING]
SHE'S NOT ANGRY. SHE'S JUST--
WAIT, LOOK, AL, I'M SORRY.
THIS IS JENNY'S PHONE. HOLD ON.
HELLO.
DEBBIE?
WHAT? WHO'S DEBBIE?
OH, UH... IT'S FOR ME.
COULD YOU HOLD ON A SECOND?
OH, YEAH, SURE.
HEY, AL? YEAH?
LOOK, I GOT TO GO. IT'S JENNY'S PHONE.
OKAY, LISTEN, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
A REALLY GOOD TIME TOMORROW NIGHT.
UH-HUH, I'M SO SURE.
BYE.
UM, HOLD ON A SECOND PLEASE.
OKAY.
WHO'S DEBBIE?
UM...
DEBBIE IS MY CHILDHOOD NICKNAME.
RIGHT.
SORRY.
OKAY, DEBBIE.
HELLO?
HI!
I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.
YES. HI!
WELL, GUESS WHAT...
[WHISPERING]: SORRY.
[NORMAL VOICE]: I AM THINKING
ABOUT GETTING A PUPPY,
AND I WAS WONDERING
WHETHER YOU WANT TO COME WITH ME
TO THE SHELTER THIS WEEKEND
TO PICK ONE OUT.
OH, MY GOD.
I'D BE TOTALLY HONORED
TO HELP YOU PICK OUT A PUPPY,
BUT I CAN'T THIS WEEKEND.
UM, STACEY'S HERE.
YEAH, WE'RE GOING ON A ROMANTIC WEEKEND,
AND WE LEAVE IN THE MORNING.
OH, REALLY?
WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING?
SHE BOOKED A B & B IN SOLVANG.
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE REALLY PRETTY.
THAT'S GREAT.
UM, I'M VERY HAPPY FOR YOU
THAT YOU'RE WORKING IT OUT.
THANK YOU.
I-I TOLD HER
THAT IF SHE CANCELED THIS WEEKEND
IT WAS OVER.
I DID EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID,
AND THERE YOU GO. HUH, WELL...
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND.
THANKS, DEBBIE.
UM, DO YOU THINK I COULD JUST USE YOUR PHONE
FOR JUST A QUICK SEC?
IT'S NOT LONG DISTANCE.
THANKS.
SORRY.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
[IN THICK ACCENT]: IS STACEY MERKIN THERE?
SPEAKING.
THIS IS SOPHIA MANCUSO CALLING FROM C MAGAZINE.
C MAGAZINE?
UH, YES. SI. C...
AND THE WRITER WHO WAS COVERING
THE ROLL THE DICE PREMIERE, UM, UH...
DROP OUT TOMORROW,
AND WE WANT TO KNOW IF YOU COULD GO TOMORROW
TO INTERVIEW THE SHANE MCCUTCHEON.
GEE, THAT'S REALLY SHORT NOTICE.
I HAVE WEEKEND--
OH, NO! YOU'RE TOO BUSY?
THAT'S TERRIBLE.
OH, SO SAD, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
WE ARE LOOKING FOR SENIOR EDITOR,
BUT IF YOU'RE TOO BUSY, YOU KNOW--
NO, NO, NO, NO, WAIT.
I THINK I CAN REARRANGE A FEW THINGS--
AH, EXCELLENT!
WE WILL BE IN TOUCH WITH YOU,
AND, UH, SOMEONE... MY ASSISTANT ANGELICA
WILL CALL YOU ABOUT THE PRESS PASS, OKAY?
OKAY.
BYE. BIG KISS TO YOU.
OKAY, BYE. BYE.
[IN NORMAL VOICE]: THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
DO YOU THINK ALICE IS SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN?
NO, I DON'T THINK
SHE'S SEEING SOMEONE ELSE.
I THINK SHE PROBABLY JUST NEEDS MORE SPACE.
WHY DOES SHE NEED SPACE?
DID SHE TELL YOU SHE NEEDED SPACE?
UH, I HAVE ALICE ON LINE FOUR.
PHYLLIS, CAN YOU JUST HOLD ON ONE SECOND?
JUST ONE SECOND, OKAY?
ALICE... NO.
I WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT I FEEL BAD
ABOUT THIS PHYLLIS THING.
I JUST DON'T THINK TALKING'S GOING TO HELP.
[RINGING]
OH, FUCK. PHYLLIS IS CALLING.
OH, PICK IT UP. NO, I CAN'T.
NO, NO, NO. PICK IT UP RIGHT NOW.
OH, IT WENT TO VOICEMAIL.
FUCK... IT'S OKAY.
MY LIFE IS RUINED. IT'S JUST RUINED.
I'M SORRY. I AM. I JUST...
I DIDN'T PLAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN.
HI. IT'S PHYLLIS.
I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW...
THAT I REALLY MISS YOU,
AND I WANT THIS THING TO WORK OUT.
I KNOW YOU'RE SCARED.
I'M SCARED, TOO.
I DON'T WANT IT TO END, ALICE.
I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.
UH, PLEASE CALL ME.
I'M AT THE OFFICE.
UM...
CALL ME?
OKAY...
PHYLLIS.
PHYLLIS?
DAMN IT!
TINA'S HERE TO SEE YOU.
WHAT? TINA?
HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT TO GET YOU ON THE PHONE?
APPARENTLY NOT THAT HARD.
WELL, YOU CAN'T AVOID ME WHENEVER YOU LIKE,
BECAUSE WE HAVE A KID TOGETHER NOW, OKAY?
OKAY, WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM ME NOW?
I NEED YOUR SIGNATURE
ON THE BEVERLY MONTESSORI ENROLLMENT.
WAIT, ENROLLMENT?
I JUST... I JUST ONLY SENT IN THE APPLICATIONS.
YOU WHAT?
WE DECIDED WE WERE GOING TO APPLY
TO FIRST PRES, WALDORF,
THE CENTER FOR EARLY EDUCATION,
THEN I ADDED CHADWICK AND CHILDREN'S INSTITUTE
BECAUSE THEY HAD EARLY ARTS AND MUSIC PROGRAMS.
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
HOW COULD MAKE ALL THOSE DECISIONS WITHOUT ME?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I DIDN'T MAKE THIS DECISION WITHOUT YOU.
WE BOTH DECIDED, TINA--
NO, WE DECIDED NOTHING OF THE SORT.
ANGELICA SHOULD GO TO BEVERLY MONTESSORI.
THERE IS NO WAY
WE ARE GOING TO PAY $18,000 FOR PRESCHOOL--
WE WILL PAY WHATEVER IT TAKES
TO GET HER THE BEST EDUCATION AVAILABLE--
BEVERLY MONTESSORI IS A WONDERFUL SCHOOL,
AND IT HAPPENS TO BE
VERY CLOSE TO MY HOUSE--
THAT IS NOT A FACTOR.
SO YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ANGELICA TAKE
A TWO-AND-A-HALF-HOUR CAR RIDE EVERY SINGLE DAY
SO SHE CAN GO TO PRESCHOOL WITH DIANE KEATON'S KIDS?
NO!
I WILL MAKE SURE THAT SHE GOES TO THE BEST SCHOOL, PERIOD.
THE BEST SCHOOL! PERIOD!
YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK IT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I BOTHER.
YOU CLEARLY DECIDED ALL OF THIS WITHOUT ME,
AND FOR THE RECORD,
I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOUR OVERACHIEVING,
PSYCHO DYSFUNCTION
STRESS OUT OUR KID BEFORE SHE'S THREE YEARS OLD!
IT'S JUST FUCKING PRESCHOOL, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
CRAYONS AND PLAY-DOH.
NO, IT IS NOT JUST CRAYONS!
IT IS A FUCKING IVY LEAGUE EDUCATION.
SO NAIVE!
JESUS!
UH, BETTE?
PHYLLIS IS ON LINE ONE.
OOH! FUCK YOU, JAMES!
JUST FUCK YOU!
HONESTLY, ALICE, POKER'S NOT MY GAME.
I MEAN, I PLAYED ONCE IN MONTE CARLO,
BUT I'M NOT A WINNER.
WELL, THAT'S OKAY,
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHY PAPI'S COMING.
SHE'S GOING TO TEACH US ALL THE LITTLE POKER TRICKS.
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
OH, SHIT. COME IN!
HELENA, PICK YOUR SHIT UP.
GET YOUR PANTS OFF THE CHIPS.
WHAT'S UP!
HEY!
LIQUOR IN THE FRONT...
YEAH, POKER IN THE REAR!
I KNOW THAT ONE.
WHO WANTS A DRINK?
I DO, UH...
YOU WANT A DRINK?
YEAH, OKAY.
I INVITED SOME PEOPLE. I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
YOU SHOULD JUST LEAVE THAT OPEN.
HEY, COME IN!
A LOT OF PEOPLE?
LIKE, A FEW.
HI. HEY.
WANT A... THANKS.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
I DON'T HAVE TO GET THAT...
PHONE CALL.
[SIGHS]
SO, PAPI, LISTEN, I...
I HAVEN'T PLAYED POKER FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.
ALL RIGHT, MY LITTLE ENGLISH MUFFIN,
DON'T YOU EVEN WORRY, ALL RIGHT?
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE LESSONS YOU LEARN HERE TONIGHT.
OKAY, YOU FOLLOW THESE SIMPLE RULES,
YOU CAN'T LOSE.
OKAY? OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S PLAY!
HI, PAPI.
HEY...
COME HERE, GIVE ME A KISS.
I LOVE YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU
GET YOUR GIRLS A DRINK, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT.
DO YOU LIKE CARDS, OR...
DO I?
COME WATCH HOW I TAKE YOUR MONEY.
HEY.
NO, I REALLY WANT YOU TO HEAR THE SONG, GIRL.
ANGUS, HE HASN'T HEARD IT.
I KNOW HE'S GOING TO BE SO HAPPY--
HEY, JAMES?
JAMES, CAN YOU GET ME THE BEST INTERNET SITE AVAILABLE
FOR LEARNING SIGN LANGUAGE?
ANGUS AND ANGELICA ARE HERE TO SEE YOU.
UH...
SPEAKING OF ANGUS.
CAN YOU JUST SHOW THEM IN?
ANGUS AND ANGELICA,
THEY'RE JUST ABOUT TO WALK INTO MY OFFICE.
OH, HOW'S MY BOO, MY LITTLE BOO?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW. YOU TELL ME.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM.
I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE
THAT HE'S TREATING MY SISTER RIGHT.
CAN YOU HOLD ON A SECOND?
HEY...
HEY, MAMA B!
HI, BABYCAKES.
WOW... SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
LOOK HOW IMPRESSIVE SHE LOOKS
IN HER NEW DIGS.
HEY, I GOT KIT ON THE PHONE.
YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER?
OH, UH... NO, I'LL CALL HER LATER.
UH, KIT, CAN I CALL YOU RIGHT BACK?
UM, YEAH, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT. GREAT.
SO HOW'S EVERYTHING WITH MY SISTER?
UH, SHE'S... IT'S GREAT.
THE ALBUM'S REALLY AWESOME,
AND PEOPLE ARE REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT.
YEAH, AND YOU'RE REALLY LUCKY TO BE ON IT.
UH...
YES, I AM.
YEAH, I AM.
HOW'S HAZEL?
SHE'S GOOD.
SHE'S, UM...
SHE'S REALLY GOOD WITH THE KIDS, AND, UM--
MM-HMM.
DO YOU LOVE MY SISTER?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE FACT
THAT YOU'RE FUCKING THE NANNY BEHIND MY SISTER'S BACK.
FUCK OFF. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
WHAT?
YOU KNOW, I LOVE YOUR SISTER VERY MUCH,
AND I MADE A MISTAKE,
AND IF I'M NOT WRONG,
YOU'VE MADE A COUPLE OF THOSE
IN YOUR LIFE, TOO, SO I DON'T THINK
YOU'RE REALLY IN A POSITION
TO JUDGE ME RIGHT NOW.
DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO TURN THIS INTO SOME--
OKAY, NO.
ALL RIGHT.
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
[COOING TO BABY]
I WANT TO FIX IT.
OKAY.
SO I'M GOING TO BREAK IT OFF WITH HAZEL.
I MEAN, THAT'S A GIVEN.
I JUST... I'M NOT SURE...
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO TELL KIT, OR...
WHY, SO YOU CAN BREAK HER HEART AND DESTROY HER TRUST IN YOU?
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
MISS PHILBIN ON LINE ONE.
SWEETIE, MAMA B'S GOT TO PUT OUT SOME FIRES,
BUT I LOVE YOU, AND I WILL SEE YOU LATER.
THANK YOU FOR BRINGING HER BY.
THANKS.
HEY, I LOVE YOU, TOO.
RULE NUMBER ONE--
POKER'S ALL ABOUT DECEPTION.
HELLO?
HEY.
[SIGHS]
UM, SHE LEFT.
STACEY DID?
IT'S ABOUT PRETENDING YOUR HAND IS BETTER THAN IT IS.
WE WERE ALL SET TO GO ON THIS ROMANTIC WEEKEND,
AND SHE GOT THIS LAST-MINUTE JOB OFFER,
AND SHE TOOK IT.
IT'S ABOUT PSYCHING OUT THE OTHER PLAYER
TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, YOU FUCKING VAGINA WIG.
THE WHAT?
YOU GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO BLUFF AND HOW FAR TO PUSH IT.
OH, NOTHING.
IT'S, UH...
IT'S JUST SOMETHING THAT I CALL MY LITTLE...
BABY NIECE.
WELL, FUCK HER, RIGHT?
FUCK HER.
YEAH.
FUCK HER.
UM, LISTEN, I...
I WAS WONDERING, UM...
YOU KNOW, I'VE STILL GOT THESE RESERVATIONS,
AND, UH...
IF THERE'S ANY CHANCE YOU'RE FREE, YOU KNOW...
IT-- IT'D BE REALLY SILLY TO LET THEM GO TO WASTE,
YOU KNOW?
LET ME CHECK MY SCHEDULE.
SECOND RULE...
HEY, MEGAN.
WHAT'S WRONG?
MITCH GAVE BARCLAY HILL THE PROMOTION.
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
THAT GUY'S A MORON.
LEAVE EMOTION AT THE DOOR.
A MORON WHO PLAYED GOLF WITH MITCH
AND WENT TO THE SAME FRATERNITY.
THAT IS SO UNCOOL.
I MEAN, YOU'RE SO MUCH MORE QUALIFIED
THAN BARCLAY HILL.
PLUS, YOU'VE BEEN HERE SINCE THE BEGINNING.
YOU'VE GOT TO PLAY THE HAND YOU'RE DEALT.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST I DO?
YOU FUCKIN' SUE HIM.
LISTEN, TO ME, MEGAN.
NOBODY HERE DESERVES THAT PROMOTION
MORE THAN YOU.
NOBODY.
DON'T GET INVOLVED IN OTHER PEOPLE'S BULLSHIT.
THAT JUST GETS IN THE WAY.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.
YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE BOYS' CLUB.
A NICE MEMBER,
BUT A MEMBER NONETHELESS.
[SIGHS]
THIRD RULE--
POKER IS NOT FOR, LIKE, THE WUSSY PLAYER, ALL RIGHT?
SOMETIMES, YOU GOT TO GO ALL IN.
PLACE YOUR BET...
[POWER TOOLS WHIRRING]
THEN COMMIT TO YOUR HAND.
[**]
WHY DO I SCARE YOU?
[SIGHS SHAKILY]
THE MORE I'M AFRAID OF SOMETHING,
THE MORE I KNOW I HAVE TO DO IT.
I FIGURED THAT OUT WHEN I WAS A KID.
I CAN LEAD A PROTECTED LIFE,
HIDING AWAY FROM THE SCARY WORLD,
OR I CAN TAKE ON THE THINGS
THAT SCARE ME THE MOST.
THE MORE IT MIGHT HURT...
THE MORE I MIGHT DIE DOING IT...
THE MORE WORTH DOING IT MUST BE.
I DON'T WANT TO DIE RIGHT NOW.
ME NEITHER.
DO YOU WANT TO TRY IT?
IT'S OKAY.
[SIGHS, SOBBING]
[**]
COME DOWN.
COME UP.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
DON'T WORRY ABOUT GETTING DIRTY.
[GASPS]
[GASPING]
[EXCITED CHATTER]
NICELY DONE.
PUT 'EM IN, PUT 'EM IN.
ARE WE IN?
WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
LIKE HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WON?
[LAUGHING]
ALL RIGHT.
PAPI...
WE'RE GOING TO SMOKE.
ALL RIGHT, GIRL.
[SIGHS]
HERE WE GO, AND...
YEAH, I'M READY.
GO.
OH, SHIT!
OH, MAN!
I WANT MY SHIT.MY GIRL'S A WINNER.
SHE KEEPS THOSE CARDS CLOSE TO HER CHEST.
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, MAN.
OH!
YOU JUST WAIT IT OUT.
YOU JUST WAIT IT OUT, LADY.
YOU JUST WAIT IT OUT.
THIS IS RENT MONEY.
ARE YOU SHUFFLING THE CARDS FUNNY?
ALICE...
IT'S THE SEVEN OF SPADES, RIGHT?
[LAUGHING]
OKAY!
READY?
READ IT AND WEEP!
I'M DEALIN', I'M DEALIN'.
OH, SORRY, SORRY.
GET PAPI OFF THE CHIPS.
[LAUGHING]
THAT'S FUNNY. I'LL DO THAT.
THAT'S IT. SHE'S IN.
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YEAH, YEAH, SURE OKAY.
AH, SHIT, LITTLE NICKI.
HUH?
OKAY.
OH, YOU ARE SO FUCKED.
I'M GOING TO PUT...
YOU KNOW WHAT?
HEY, MAMA...
I WON! OW!
TAKING IT IN, TAKING IT IN...
[LAUGHING]
WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DONE, THEN?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GET THE FUCK OFF OF HER!
FUCK YOU.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
FUCK YOU! OKAY, OKAY...
FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU!
OKAY, OKAY, CALM THE SHIT DOWN!
[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]
STOP IT! CHILL OUT!
[SHOUTING ANGRILY IN SPANISH]
GET OFF HER!
HANDLE YOUR BITCHES, MAN!
OH, YOU'RE GOING DOWN, BITCH!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
LADIES!
YOU'RE GOING DOWN, BITCH!
FUCK YOU!
CAN WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?
OH, GOD. OH, GOD...
FUCK MY MOTHER!
I AM SO SORRY.
OH, FUCK. SHIT...
OH, IT HURTS.
ARE YOU OKAY?
IT REALLY HURTS.
I'M SORRY AGAIN.
THAT RUBY'S KIND OF PSYCHO.
IT'S OKAY.
OW, OW, OW.
SORRY. OH.
NO, IT'S-- IT'S FINE.
I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF EXCITED
TO GET A BLACK EYE.
I THINK IT'LL BE CUTE.
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
IT'S GOING TO LOOK GOOD.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT A BLACK EYE,
BUT YOU'LL DEFINITELY HAVE A BAD BRUISE
FOR ABOUT A WEEK.
WELL, SEE, THAT'S NO GOOD.
THAT IS NOT GOING TO LOOK GOOD
FOR THE PREMIERE.
YOU'RE GOING, RIGHT?
ARE YOU GOING?
YEAH, I'M GOING.
AND DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL STILL BE CUTE.
OH, MY GOD.
IT LOOKS LIKE HE GOT ATTACKED
WITH A LAWNMOWER.
I'M GUESSING A CAR ACCIDENT.
ALL THAT BLOOD COMING OUT OF HIS NOSE
MEANS HE COULD HAVE INTERNAL INJURIES.
HE'S DEFINITELY GETTING IN BEFORE YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU, A PARAMEDIC?
NO.
EXCUSE US, PEOPLE. COMING THROUGH HERE.
IT'S LIKE FUCKING IRAQ IN HERE.
IT'S NOT FUCKING IRAQ IN HERE.
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IRAQ.
LIKE YOU HAVE?
YEAH.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
JUST WHAT I SAID. I'VE BEEN TO IRAQ.
ARE YOU A JOURNALIST?
NO, I'M IN THE SERVICE.
YOU'RE IN THE ARMY?
NATIONAL GUARD.
WHAT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
NO, I JUST...
I GUESS I NEVER IMAGINED--
OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
WHILE I WAS OVER THERE DEFENDING YOUR COUNTRY,
WHAT WERE YOU OVER HERE DOING?
WHAT, BURNING UP OIL
DRIVING YOUR CAR TO THE BEAUTY SALON?
UH, LISTEN,
I NEVER ASKED YOU TO GO FIGHT
GEORGE BUSH'S STUPID FUCKING WAR, OKAY?
IT WAS MY JOB.
I DON'T LIKE BUSH ANY MORE THAN YOU DO.
IT'S YOUR JOB TO KILL INNOCENT IRAQIS?
YOU KNOW WHAT?THAT'S... THAT'S A JOB?
FUCK THIS SHIT.
HEY, TASHA, I'M SORRY.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I SAID THAT.
I WAS...
I'M SORRY.
PLEASE DON'T GO.
I'M SORRY.
SO, WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR EYE?
WELL, IT HURTS LIKE FUCK.
SORRY.
[CHUCKLING]
PERSONALLY,
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT BEFORE.
YOU DO A GIRL A FAVOR,
AND SHE ENDS UP BITING THE HAND THAT FEEDS HER?
HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
OH, MEGAN REED MADE A COMPLAINT
AND IS THINKING ABOUT SUING MITCH
FOR PASSING HER OVER FOR THE PM PROMOTION.
SHE'S GOING TO SUE HIM?
WELL, SHE HAS BEEN HERE LONGER THAN BARCLAY
IT'S TOTAL BULLSHIT, OKAY?
SHE DOESN'T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON.
DONALD HEARD ME OUT.
HE'S TOTALLY BEHIND ME.
SHE'S A STUPID BITCH.
WHATEVER.
LET'S GO, MR. MAN.
YOU HAVE A GREAT TIME.
OKAY.
HEY.
HEY, SHAY.
HI.
JARED'S OUT BACK WITH OUR NEIGHBORS.
SEE YOU, SHANE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING THIS.
I APPRECIATE IT.
SURE...
AND, UM...
I'M SORRY...
ABOUT THE OTHER DAY.
NO...
I REALLY DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.
NO, NO, YOU DIDN'T...
IT WAS... IT WAS ME, TOO.
I HAD A PART IN THAT.
I JUST, UH...
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T...
I DON'T WANT TO FUCK THINGS UP RIGHT NOW.
YOU KNOW, WITH SHAY...
AND MYSELF--
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU WOULD FUCK THINGS UP?
PAIGE...
I MEAN IT, I THINK YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN--
OH, NO, NO, NO.
JUST-- JUST STOP BEFORE YOU GET TO THE "BUT."
"YOU'RE A REALLY AMAZING WOMAN, BUT YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE.
"YOU'RE A REALLY AMAZING WOMAN,
"BUT I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP.
"I'D REALLY LOVE TO FUCK YOU...
BUT I WON'T STAY THE NIGHT."
I PROBABLY WOULDN'T...
AND...
I'M ALSO THE PERSON THAT...
WHEN I GET TOO CLOSE TO SOMEONE, I PUSH HER AWAY...
AND I DON'T TRUST MYSELF ENOUGH TO NOT DO THAT TO YOU.
AND I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT TO YOU,
BECAUSE I... I MEAN IT.
I DO THINK YOU'RE AN AMAZING WOMAN,
AND I...
I THINK YOU CAN DO A LOT BETTER THAN ME.
THANKS.
THAT'S A NICE WAY TO PUT IT.
IT'S THE TRUTH.
WELL, UM, THANK YOU AGAIN.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
YEAH.
UM, I'LL CALL YOU IN A LITTLE BIT
AND CHECK IN AND SEE HOW THE KIDS ARE DOING.
GO.
HEY...
UM...
WITH EVERYTHING THAT'S GOING ON
IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW...
IF YOU NEED A FRIEND,
I'M UP FOR THAT.
I WOULD LOVE THAT.
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
WELL, CHECK AGAIN!
AM I SPEAKING ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
STACEY MERKIN.
M-E-R-K-I-N.
JUST CHECK UNDER C MAGAZINE.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
HI.
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE INTERVIEWING SHANE MCCUTCHEON.
I'M STACEY MERKIN FROM C MAGAZINE.
C MAGAZINE'S ALREADY INSIDE IN THE GREEN ROOM.
WHO BOOKED YOU?
SOPHIA MANCUSO.
I DON'T KNOW ANY SOPHIA MANCUSO,
AND I KNOW EVERYBODY.
WE CAN'T HELP YOU.
FUCKIN' ASSHOLE.
HEY, MAX.
HEY.
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?
I'M HERE TO BACK UP MEGAN REED.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT MITCH DOESN'T SUPPORT WOMEN
AND THAT HE ROUTINELY DISCRIMINATES
AGAINST FEMALE EMPLOYEES.
WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
WHAT EVIDENCE ARE YOU OFFERING
TO SUBSTANTIATE MEGAN'S ACCUSATION?
BECAUSE HE DID IT TO ME.
[**]
[CAMERAS CLICKING]
[ONLOOKERS SHOUTING AND CHEERING]
OH, MY GOD.
WOW...
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
"YOU'RE LOOKING VERY SHANE TODAY"?
FUCK IF I KNOW.
LET'S GO ON IN.
OH, COME WITH ME.
OH, SORRY, YOU HAVE TO STAY HERE.
THEY'RE GOING TO COME IN.
OH, REALLY?
THAT IS SO RUDE.
[CAMERAS CLICKING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
THIS IS CRAZY.
THIS SUCKS.
OKAY, ENOUGH.
DO YOU WANT TO GO IN?
LET'S GO ON IN.
SHANE!
SHANE, HI.
IT'S STACEY MERKIN. I WAS SUPPOSED TO INTERVIEW YOU.
ARE YOU THE VAGINA WIG?
NO, I--
ALL RIGHT, TIME TO GO, MA'AM.
HI!
THE CHART.
YEAH, ALICE. YOU KNOW...
YOU KNOW...
DRESS.
IT'S A PRETTY...
SORRY.
DEBBIE...
DO YOU THINK IT'S TERRIBLE,
THE TWO OF US BEING HERE ALONE TOGETHER?
NO, I DON'T THINK IT'S TERRIBLE.
I THINK THAT SHE WAS THE ONE THAT STOOD YOU UP,
AND YOU'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG.
THING IS, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE COMPLETELY BROKEN-HEARTED
BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T CARE ENOUGH ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP
TO TURN DOWN A STUPID INTERVIEW
WITH SOME NO-NAME CELEBRITY,
AND THE TRUTH IS, I ACTUALLY...
IN A VERY BEAUTIFUL PLACE WITH YOU,
AND...
AND THERE'S A FIRE, AND GOOD WINE, AND...
I THINK THE REASON WHY I FEEL GUILTY
IS THAT I REALLY WANT TO KISS YOU.
YOU DO?
A LOT.
SO KISS ME.
I...
[SIGHING]
[GIGGLING]
OH, I CAN'T.
[EXHALES]
I'M SORRY. I...
OKAY.
I REALLY WANT YOU...
BUT I THINK THAT, UH...
I FEEL TERRIBLE, BUT I JUST...
I CAN'T CHEAT ON STACEY LIKE THIS.
I'VE GOT TO, UM...
I'LL TALK TO HER,
AND I'LL TELL HER THAT IT'S JUST...
OVER, AND THEN I'LL...
I OWE HER THAT.
I AM SO CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
YOU ARE?
OH, FUCK.
UM...
I HAVE TO, UH...
I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.
WHAT?
UH...
OKAY.
I'VE BEEN LYING TO YOU,
AND I'VE DONE SOMETHING THAT'S VERY DISHONEST,
AND I'M VERY, VERY, VERY SORRY.
I HOPE THAT...
IF YOU CAN LET ME EXPLAIN ALL THE CRAZY REASONS
WHY I'VE DONE THIS, THAT...
IT WON'T BE TOO LATE FOR US.
OH...
UM, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS "TOO LATE."
I REALLY BELIEVE THAT.
TRULY.
JUST TELL ME.
JUST TALK TO ME.
WHATEVER YOU'VE DONE-- I AM SO SORRY.
WHAT, HONEY? I CAN--
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
YEAH?
LINDSEY?
LINDSEY, ARE YOU IN THERE?
LINDSEY?
WHERE'S MY SHIRT?
LINDSEY?
FLOOR.
IT'S OKAY, HONEY, I JUST...
I'M GETTING OUT OF THE SHOWER.
THERE'S WATER EVERYWHERE.
SWEETIE, I AM SO SORRY.
I'LL BE THERE IN TWO SECONDS.
WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING HERE?
IT WAS SUCH A STUPID MISTAKE.
I DIDN'T MEAN-- IT'S OKAY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
OH, MY GOD. I AM SO SORRY.
YOU'RE CRAZY.
I...
UH...
SCHECTER.
HELLO, MERKIN.
STACEY, THIS IS MY FRIEND
I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.
THIS IS DEBBIE OXNARD.
NO.
THIS IS JENNIFER FUCKING SCHECTER.
THE LUNATIC WHOSE BOOK I REVIEWED.
WHAT?
[CLEARS THROAT]
THAT'S ACTUALLY WHAT I WAS ABOUT TO...
EXPLAIN.
WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY SAY?
I DON'T KNOW.
THIS IS GOING TO SOUND SO...
I THOUGHT THAT IF I COULD PROVE THAT YOU WEREN'T A SAINT...
AND I THOUGHT THAT IF I COULD MAKE YOU...
SLEEP WITH ME,
THAT IT WOULD PROVE THAT ALL THOSE REALLY HORRIBLE,
MEAN THINGS
THAT STACEY SAID ABOUT ME,
AND MY EXPERIENCES, AND THE WAY I TURNED OUT,
WOULDN'T BE TRUE.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I THOUGHT THAT IF I COULD MAKE YOU
INTO A LIAR AND A CHEAT
LIKE ME...
BUT YOU KNOW, THE THING IS,
YOU'RE NOT.
I MEAN, YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT, STACEY.
YOU'RE A SAINT.
I'M SO SORRY.
YOU'RE NOT...
YOU'RE NOT A STUDENT.
[INHALES]
NO.
FUCKING MANATEES.
THE MANATEES WERE A LITTLE BIT TRUE,
BECAUSE I-I DID WRITE A STORY
ABOUT--
SOUNDER.
THAT'S NOT MY DOG.
I ADOPTED HIM FROM A RESCUE.
[SOBS]
DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER?
NO. NO.
I GOT TO...
[STAMMERING]
UM...
I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
FUCK...
HOW COULD ANYBODY DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
I KNOW. IT'S CRAZY.
JUST STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM US.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
UGH, THAT MOVIE BIT ASS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I NEED A NEW HAIRCUT,
AND I HAVE TO STOP WEARING TIES.
BUT IT WAS AN AMAZING FLOP,
BUT THEN WHEN SHE HAD THE RIVER...
GOD, THAT WAS A HAND.
HEY...
WOW, YOU LOOK, UH...
VERY SHANE TODAY?
FUCK YOU.
FUCK EVERYONE. LET'S PLAY POKER.
SHANE...
YES.
THERE'S SOMEBODY I THINK YOU SHOULD MEET.
OKAY.
GREAT.
SASKIA...
I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO SHANE.
I'VE BEEN TOLD I'M LOOKING VERY SHANE TODAY.
WELL, I WILL CONSIDER THAT A COMPLIMENT.
THANK YOU.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
OH...
SHIT, UM...
I NEED TO TAKE THIS.
THANKS, BURT.
UM, SO IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU.
HELLO?
HEY...
OH, I'M...
REALLY SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.
I JUST THOUGHT I'D GET YOUR VOICEMAIL.
UM...
SHAY WOKE UP FROM A BAD DREAM.
CAN I TALK TO HIM?
THERE YOU GO.
HELLO?
HEY, LITTLE MAN.
I HEAR YOU HAD A BAD DREAM.
YEAH.
WANT ME TO COME AND GET YOU?
NO, I'M OKAY.
YOU SURE?
CAN I GO BACK TO BED NOW?
YEAH, IF YOU WANT. GO AHEAD.
YEAH, HE'S GOING TO GO BACK TO BED.
HE JUST NEEDED TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.
SHOULD I, UM, COME AND GET HIM?
I MEAN, I CAN TRY TO-- NO, DON'T WORRY.
HE'S FINE.
YOU JUST HAVE A GOOD TIME, OKAY?
OKAY.
BYE. BYE.
WE WERE TOGETHER FOR FIVE YEARS
IN NEW YORK.
SHE WAS HOT,
BUT HER CAREER STOPPED, AND MINE TOOK OFF.
SO WHY DID IT END?
I GOT FAMOUS,
AND SHE WANTED TO BE THE STAR.
TINA AND I...
UH...
TINA, AND I WERE TOGETHER FOR EIGHT...
EIGHT.
EIGHT, EIGHT.
EIGHT. EIGHT, EIGHT, EIGHT.
EIGHT YEARS...
BUT THEN...
THEN A LOT CHANGED AFTER SHE HAD THE BABY.
SO MUCH CHANGED--
WHOA, WHOA. TINA HAD A BABY?
OH, NO, WE...
WE HAD A BABY.
ME AND TINA.
YOU AND TINA TOGETHER?
YES, UH...
A TODDLER.
SHE'S LITTLE.
ANGELICA.
SHE'S ALMOST TWO.
[STAMMERS]
ANGELICA...
ANGELICA.
MM-HMM.
THAT'S PRETTY.
THANK YOU.
SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
I DON'T LIKE KIDS.
WHAT?
I DON'T LIKE KIDS.
WOW.
[LAUGHS]
WOW.
I'M SORRY.
I DON'T.
THEY NEED TOO MUCH ATTENTION.
THEY GET IN THE WAY OF WORK,
OF SEX...
THEY'RE A HASSLE.
CAN I GET YOU LADIES ANYTHING ELSE?
NO, JUST THE CHECK, THANKS.
THANK YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
'CAUSE I LOVE HER.
IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW,
I THINK SHE'S JUST USED TO HAVING HOUSEKEEPERS
AND PEOPLE LOOKING AFTER, LIKE,
EVERYTHING, AND...
YEAH, NO, I GET THAT.
WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH YOU AND PAPI, THOUGH?
OH, UM...
I, UH...
I WAS AT CAL STATE, LONG BEACH,
AND I'D JUST COME OUT.
AND I WENT TO THE PALMS.
[CHUCKLING]
YEAH...
AND OF COURSE,
PAPI TRIED TO PICK ME UP.
YEAH.
SO WE HOOKED UP FOR ONE NIGHT,
AND, UM...
THAT SHIT WAS TERRIBLE.
OH, REALLY?
YOU HAD BAD SEX WITH PAPI?
OH, YEAH.
THERE WAS, LIKE, NO CHEMISTRY.
OH...
YEAH.
I MEAN, SHE'S NOT MY TYPE.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A TYPE.
I JUST LIKE GIRLS WHO ARE GIRLS.
IT'S ALL GOOD, THOUGH,
'CAUSE ME AND PAPI, WE BECAME BEST FRIENDS.
SHE'S THE BEST FRIEND ANYBODY COULD HAVE.
YEAH, YEAH. THAT'S FOR SURE.
SHE'S GOT YOUR BACK.
YEAH. DEFINITELY.
SO YOU LIKE GIRLY GIRLS, HUH?
[LAUGHS]
YEAH.
YOU LIKE MY DRESS?
ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?
IT'S PRETTY, RIGHT?
IT'S PINK.
FEMININE.
[LAUGHS]
YEAH, IT'S CUTE.
YEAH. THOUGHT YOU LIKED IT.
[LAUGHS]
YOU WERE TOUCHING MY RIGHT NIPPLE,
AND I WAS...
[LAUGHING]
OH, EXCUSE ME.
YEAH.
IS THAT YOUR FRIEND IN THE POSTER?
YES.
WE WERE JUST WONDERING
IF YOU COULD SETTLE A LITTLE WAGER FOR US.
SURE.
UH, DOES SHE PREFER TO SLEEP WITH BOYS OR GIRLS?
[WHISPERING]: BOYS...
ACTUALLY, SHE PLAYS ON THE ALL-GIRLS TEAM.
OH, DAMN IT.
CATHERINE ROTHBERG.
OH, HI.
I HATE TO TAKE YOUR MONEY, MILES.
IT'S JUST WAY TOO EASY.
MM-HMM. MILES DOUL.
HE'S CANADIAN.
HELENA PEABODY.
IT'S A PLEASURE.
OOH, DOUBLE OR NOTHING-- GUESS THAT ACCENT.
AUSTRALIAN.
NO. MIDDLESEX.
LONDON.
SUSSEX.
AH... AH...
I HAVE A HOUSE NEAR MIDHURST.
IT'S BIG, IT'S OLD, IT'S FREEZING IN THE WINTER,
AND I HATE IT.
OH, I'M SORRY.
SO, WHAT'S YOUR STORY?
HUNDRED BUCKS SAYS
SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND WHO'S AN ARCHITECT.
NO, NO, MOVIE PRODUCER, DEFINITELY.
WOW, DO YOU JUST BET ON EVERYTHING?
EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING.
SO, WHAT'S THE VERDICT?
CURRENTLY SINGLE,
BUT A LIFELONG PLAYER ON SHANE'S TEAM.
WOW... HMM...
I HATE TO LOSE.
[WHISPERING]
UH, WE WERE JUST ON OUR WAY
TO MY PRIVATE POKER GAME,
AND WE'RE WONDERING IF YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN US.
I'D... I'D LOVE TO COME.
I'VE HEARD IT'S A GREAT GAME.
WELL, I HAVE TO WARN YOU,
IT'S NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.
I'M FEELING LUCKY TONIGHT.
[LOCK CLICKS]
HEY...
UH, SHE WENT DOWN AROUND 9:00.
HOW WAS YOUR DATE?
SUCKED.
OH.
SORRY.
GOOD NIGHT.
I...
I DID IT, BY THE WAY.
I BROKE IT OFF WITH HAZEL.
GOOD.
[**]
* THEY CALL YOU LADY LUCK
* BUT THERE IS ROOM FOR DOUBT
* AT TIMES YOU HAVE A VERY UNLADYLIKE WAY *
* OF RUNNING OUT
I ASKED THEM TO CHANGE OVER THE THEATER.
* LUCK BE A LADY TONIGHT
NICE TO SEE YOU.
LOOK AT HER DRESS.
* LUCK BE A LADY TONIGHT
HAVE A SEAT.
THANK YOU.
HI.
PLEASE SIGN HERE, MS. PEABODY.
OH.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE NOT PLAYING?
HELL NO...
AND TAKE IT EASY, OKAY?
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THE LAST RULE.
MM-HMM?
HOUSE ALWAYS WINS.
LET'S DO THIS.
LET'S DO IT.
* A LADY NEVER LEAVES HER ESCORT *
* IT ISN'T FAIR
HEY...
* IT ISN'T NICE
YOU LEFT THE PARTY?
YEAH, YOU, UH...
WELL, YOU DIDN'T MISS MUCH.
I MADE MY GRANDMOTHER'S MEATLOAF.
SOUNDS GOOD.
I DON'T THINK I'VE ACTUALLY EATEN ANYTHING TONIGHT.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MEATLOAF?
LET'S SEE 'EM.
* STICK WITH ME, BABY
* I'M THE GUY THAT YOU CAME IN WITH *
* LUCK BE A LADY TONIGHT
HAVE IT.
[LAUGHING SOFTLY]
AH, YOU KNOW, I JUST NEED TO...
TAKE THINGS KIND OF SLOW.
YOU KNOW?
OKAY.
SLOW'S GOOD. I LIKE SLOW.
I CAN DO SLOW, SO...
PHYLLIS?
ALICE! I TOLD LEONARD ABOUT US.
I TOLD HIM I WANTED A DIVORCE.
* LUCK BE A LADY WITH ME
I DON'T DO DRAMA.
OBVIOUSLY THERE'S SOME THINGS
YOU NEED TO WORK OUT.
I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.
HI.
I'M SORRY.
CAN WE TRY AGAIN?
COME IN.
* COME ON, LET'S KEEP THIS PARTY POLITE *
I'M ALL IN.
I CALL.
I'LL TAKE YOUR 50,000.
$50,000?
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR.
I HAD... NO IDEA IT WAS QUITE THAT MUCH.
WELL, IT'S TOO LATE NOW.
LET'S SEE YOUR CARDS.
AS YOU AMERICANS LIKE TO SAY...
"READ THEM...
AND WEEP."
[CLEARS THROAT]
* LUCK BE A LADY TONIGHT
OH, MY GOD.
CATHERINE,
I-I HAVEN'T BEEN ENTIRELY FORTHCOMING
ABOUT MY FINANCIAL SITUATION.
I MEAN...
IT'S A LITTLE EMBARRASSING, ACTUALLY,
BUT MY MOTHER AND I,
WE HAD THIS SLIGHT DISAGREEMENT,
AND I CAN'T, FOR THE TIME BEING,
GET MY HANDS ON THE FAMILY HOLDING.
I...
I CAN'T PAY MY DEBT, CATHERINE.
I KNOW.
I HAD LUNCH WITH YOUR MOTHER
TWO WEEKS AGO IN MONACO.
LOOK, THIS IS THE KEY TO MY PRESIDENTIAL SUITE.
MEET ME WEDNESDAY NIGHT AT 8:00.
LOOK, I'M SORRY TO HEAR
ABOUT YOUR FINANCIAL PROBLEMS,
BUT DON'T WORRY.
THERE'S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO PAY OFF A DEBT.
YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOUR FRIEND.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THE HOUSE ALWAYS WINS.
[**]
YEAH.