TAKE ME SOMEWHERE.
[ ENGINE STARTING ]
SO WHEN DO I
SEE YOU AGAIN?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
ON THURSDAY NIGHT?
MY NEIGHBOR BETTE,
SHE'S HAVING A THINGAMAJIGGY.
WHAT? WHAT?
[ WHIMPERS ]
I HAVE SOMETHING
ON THURSDAY.
REALLY?
YEAH.
FUCK.
IF SHE ASKED ME
TODAY,
I WOULD SAY NO.
MM-HMM.
I WOULD.
YOU WOULD?
YES.
I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT.
OH, YOU DO?
I DO.
HMM.
WHAT?
I'M A LITTLE JEALOUS.
IT'S GOOD.
YEAH, IT IS.
♪ NOW ♪
♪ THIS IS FOREVER ♪
♪ AND NOW ♪
♪ THIS IS LOVE ♪
♪ NOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW ME ♪
♪ THIS IS PARADISE ♪
♪ NOW ♪
♪ THIS IS HOME ♪
OH, GOD.
♪ THIS WAS FOREVER ♪
♪ THIS WAS LOVE ♪
♪ THIS WAS FOREVER ♪
STOP.
YOU DON'T WANT THIS
SHOWING UP
ON YOUR CREDIT CARD
STATEMENT.
♪ THIS WAS FOREVER ♪
♪ THIS WAS LOVE ♪
♪ THIS WAS FOREVER ♪
♪ THIS WAS LOVE ♪
♪ NOT YOU ♪
♪ NOT ME ♪
♪ NOT THIS WAY ♪
♪ NOT YOU ♪
♪ NOT ME ♪
♪ NOT THIS WAY ♪
♪ THIS WAS LOVE ♪
YOU CAN'T ALWAYS BE
IN CONTROL.
♪ THIS WAS LOVE ♪
WE NEED A PLUMBER.
YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO
NEED A CARPENTER, TOO.
IF WE'RE GOING
TO MAKE THIS PLACE
PRESENTABLE.
I KNOW ONE.
SHE'S WORKING FOR BETTE AT CAC.
HER NAME IS CANDACE,
AND SHE IS MAKING A PACKET, TOO.
WELL, THEN, MAYBE
SHE'LL GIVE US A BREAK.
YEAH?
YEAH, CALL HER.
OKAY.
JAMES, HEY. IT'S TINA.
IS BETTE THERE?
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO,
JUST HAVE HER CALL ME
WHEN SHE GETS IN.
UM, DO YOU HAPPEN
TO HAVE A NUMBER
FOR CANDACE JEWELL?
YEAH? GOOD.
HEY.
HI.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK IT'S AWESOME.
I LOVE IT.
THEN WHY THE FUCK
DID YOU DO IT?
STEVE--
YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE
IN BUSINESS WITH SOMEONE,
YOU GOT TO LEARN
TO KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS
WHEN YOU'RE AROUND
THEIR FAMILY.
NOW, I ALREADY KNEW
MY DAUGHTER
WAS INTO GIRLS.
THAT'S NOT NEWS
TO ME.
MAYBE SHE WAS EXPERIMENTING.
MAYBE IT'S A PHASE.
THE BOTTOM LINE
IS THIS--
STEVE, I DIDN'T--
THE BOTTOM LINE IS THIS--
IF I'M IN BUSINESS WITH A GUY
AND HE GOES FOR MY DAUGHTER,
I SAY, "IS HE HONEST?
IS HE A GOOD MAN?
WILL HE TREAT HER RIGHT?"
STEVE, I DIDN'T SLEEP
WITH YOUR DAUGHTER.
DON'T BULLSHIT ME,
SHANE,
BECAUSE I'M ALREADY CUTTING YOU
A WHOLE SHITLOAD OF SLACK HERE.
ONE THING I'VE GOT
TO WARN YOU--
CHERIE'S
ON THE WARPATH.
SHE'LL CALM DOWN
FOR SURE,
BUT RIGHT ABOUT NOW,
SHE WANTS YOU DRAWN
AND QUARTERED.
SHE DOESN'T LIKE
OUR KID BEING GAY,
YOU KNOW?
NO MATTER HOW EVOLVED WE ARE,
IT'S STILL NOT
AN EASY LIFE.
SHANE.
SHA--SHANE!
WHAT THE FUCK?
CHERIE,
WILL YOU OPEN
THE GATE?
LISTEN, I KNOW
YOU'RE IN THERE,
AND I'M NOT LEAVING
UNTIL YOU COME OUTSIDE.
OPEN THE GATE!
HI. LOOK, I JUST WANTED
TO LET YOU KNOW,
MY PARENTS ARE REALLY MAD
RIGHT NOW--
CLEA, GET OUT
OF MY CAR, MAN.
LOOK, I DON'T UNDERSTAND,
THE REALITY OF YOU AND ME,
I THINK
IT'S JUST FREAKING THEM OUT.
CLEA, CLEA, CLEA,
CLEA, CLEA.
THERE IS NO REALITY
OF YOU AND ME.
OH, MY GOD, SHANE.
THERE NEVER WAS.
I'VE TOLD YOU THAT
I LOVE SOMEONE ELSE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU
WITH THIS PERSON.
WHO IS THIS PERSON?
IT'S COMPLICATED.
YOU'LL NEVER SEE HER!
I LOVE YOU, OKAY?
SHE DOESN'T.
THERE'S NO WAY
SHE'S GOING TO DROP EVERYTHING
AND BE WITH YOU,
SHANE.
I NEED
ORGANIZATION.
THIS IS NOT
ORGANIZATION.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M SAYING?
DO YOU SEE
WHAT'S WRONG?
CHERIE, CHERIE!
YOU'RE BOTH
STAYING THERE
UNTIL
YOU FIGURE IT OUT.
KIDS.
GET OUT.
GET OUT. GET OUT.
I'M TAKING CLEA TO PARIS,
AND I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE.
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
LISTEN,
LISTEN TO ME,
LISTEN TO ME.
I DID NOT DO
ANYTHING, ALL RIGHT?
SHE'S LYING.
I SWEAR TO GOD
I DIDN'T DO IT.
I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW MUCH YOU MEAN
TO ME?
I SWEAR I WOULD NEVER--
YOU FUCKING BITCH!
CLEA!
[ KNOCKING ]
HI.
AM I INTERRUPTING?
NO, COME ON IN.
HOW ARE YOU?
I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
I'M GOOD.
I'M GETTING ORGANIZED.
YEAH?
YEAH.
WHAT?
THERE'S SOMETHING THAT
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
OKAY.
JENNY,
TECHNICALLY,
YOU AND I ARE STILL MARRIED.
WE NEED TO GET A DIVORCE.
OF COURSE WE DO.
I FOUND THE NAME
OF A GOOD LAWYER ON CAMPUS.
I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD GO...
SEE HIM TOGETHER.
OKAY.
SWEETIE,
ALICE IS HERE.
CAN I JUST--
THANKS.
HI, DANE.
OH, POOR
MR. PIDDLES.
OKAY, OKAY.
OH, I'M SO,
SO SORRY.
SHE'S BEEN LIKE THIS ALL DAY.
I TRIED TO GET SOMEBODY TO COME
AND REMOVE IT,
BUT SHE'S BEEN SITTING THERE
FOR, LIKE, THREE HOURS.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, WE--
ALL RIGHT, WE'VE GOT
TO MAKE ARRANGEMENTS,
RIGHT, DANE?
I MEAN...
I'LL DO ANYTHING,
RIGHT?
I'LL DO ANYTHING.
WHAT DO YOU NEED?
HAVE YOU THOUGHT
ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT?
I DON'T WANT HIM CREMATED.
OKAY.
YEAH,
WE'LL BURY HIM.
YOU WANT HIM
BURIED?
YOU WANT ME
TO ARRANGE
THE BURIAL PLOT?
YEAH.
HE SHOULD HAVE
A CASKET,
YOU KNOW,
MAHOGANY, MAYBE.
ONLY THE BEST
FOR MR. P.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK WE SHOULD MOVE THE
V.I.P. RECEPTION TO EAST ONE.
THE ANISH KAPUR IS IN THERE.
IT'S ALWAYS GOOD
TO IMBUE YOUR MAJOR DONORS
WITH A SENSE OF AWE.
BUT THE ISABELLA PERNAO'S
THERE, TOO.
DON'T YOU THINK--
I THINK
IT SAYS RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE,
"WE STAND BEHIND THIS SHOW,
EVERY FACET OF IT,
"AND WE'RE NOT ABOUT TO HIDE
THE MORE CHALLENGING PIECES
FOR ANYBODY'S COMFORT."
YOU KNOW, I STILL NEED
TO DISCUSS SECURITY.
CAN YOU MAKE SURE
THAT GAVIN DOESN'T LEAVE
BEFORE I'VE HAD A CHANCE
TO TALK WITH HIM?
I'LL LET THE CATERERS
KNOW ABOUT THE...
GREAT.
HEY, BIG JAMES.
HOLA, SISTER.
HELLO.
YOU REMEMBER
YOU SAID
HOW IMPORTANT
IT WAS TO EAT?
WELL, WE PICKED UP
A LITTLE SOMETHING
FROM
THAT WOO-WOO PLACE
ON LA CIENEGA
THAT YOU LOVE
SO MUCH.
YOU GUYS, YOU WENT
TO REAL FOOD DAILY.
THAT IS SO SWEET.
WELL, IVAN
PICKED IT UP
WHILE I WAS
AT MY A.A. MEETING.
OH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR COMING.
UM, I GUESS
YOU KNOW
WHAT I WANT
TO TALK ABOUT.
NO, I'M--I'M NOT SURE.
WELL,
AS YOU CAN SEE,
WE'RE TRYING TO
FIX THIS PLACE UP,
AND WE NEED HELP.
WE DON'T HAVE
A LOT OF MONEY,
BUT IT'S
A REALLY GREAT
PROJECT,
AND THE KIDS,
THEY JUST--
THEY LOVE IT HERE.
UH...YEAH.
ANYTHING FOR THE KIDS.
CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND?
YOU WANT TO TELL ME
WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
I'M JUST TAKING OUT THE TRASH.
NO, WITH HER.
SHE'S MADLY IN LOVE
WITH YOU, YOU KNOW.
NO, HE'S NOT, WE'RE FRIENDS.
HE HELPS ME OUT
WITH STUFF.
THAT'S BECAUSE
SHE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU,
AND SHE WANTS TO BE
YOUR HUSBAND.
NO, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT.
KIT, BELIEVE ME.
YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE
TO READ THE SIGNALS,
BUT THEY'RE THERE.
I SAW THE WAY
SHE LOOKS AT YOU.
SHE IS FULLY COURTING YOU,
OLD SCHOOL,
AND YOU'RE LETTING HER.
OH, IS THAT SO?
YEAH, IT IS.
WELL, THANK YOU
FOR THE LESSONS
ON THE RITUAL MATING HABITS
OF INDIGENOUS LESBIANS.
MAYBE NEXT WEEK, WE'LL DO
BUTCH AND FEMME ROLE PLAYING.
UH, LADIES.
I FIGURED
WE SHOULD GET GOING
AND LET YOU GET ON
WITH YOUR BUSINESS.
YOU MUST WANT
TO GET HOME
TO THE LITTLE WOMAN
SOME TIME TONIGHT.
GOSH, GENE.
THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER
THAN DINNER AND A MOVIE.
IS THIS HOW YOU GET
ALL THE GIRLS?
TRUTH?
YES, PLEASE.
I DON'T REALLY DATE
THAT MUCH,
YOU KNOW...
WHY?
UM...I WAS
WITH THE SAME WOMAN
FOR THE LAST
FIVE YEARS,
AND SHE NEVER
REALLY CAME HERE.
I MEAN,
SHE HATED FISH.
SO...
OH.
I KNOW.
WE WEREN'T EXACTLY
THE GREATEST MATCH.
WHAT ELSE?
UM...
WELL, SHE LIKED
TO EXERCISE
EARLY, EARLY
IN THE MORNING,
AND...
NO.
I HATE EXERCISE,
AND I HATE MORNINGS,
SO...
AND I DID MY THESIS
ON NOCTURNAL
BEHAVIOR.
I NEVER REALLY
BROKE THE HABIT
OF STAYING UP LATE,
YOU KNOW?
WHAT DO YOU LIKE
TO DO
IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE NIGHT?
USUALLY, I READ...
HMM.
AND...
SHE WASN'T JEWISH.
OH, GENE,
IS THAT IMPORTANT
TO YOU?
NO.
NO, IT'S NOT
IMPORTANT.
IT'S...
IT'S JUST
AN ADDED BONUS.
HEY.
WAS THAT OKAY?
IT WAS NICE.
OH, "NICE."
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
NO, IT WAS NICE.
THAT'S DAMNING
WITH FAINT PRAISE.
YOU WANT TO
GO MEET THE SEALS?
I MEANT IT.
IT WAS NICE.
HMM?
YES.
THE SEALS MIGHT
CHANGE YOUR MIND.
ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT
YOU'RE A GOOD KISSER?
NO,
ABOUT YOUR STORY.
THEY'RE WAY BETTER
COMMUNICATORS
THAN MANATEES.
THEY EVEN HAVE
DIALECTS.
I THINK
YOU'LL LOVE THEM.
OKAY.
COME ON.
OKAY.
HMM?
WOW.
THIS IS WHERE
I SPEND MY DAYS.
GOSH.
YEAH.
HELLO.
YEAH, THE SEALS
HAVE THIS AMAZINGLY INTRICATE
SYSTEM OF COMMUNICATION
THAT LETS THEM
SETTLE QUARRELS
WITHOUT FIGHTING.
IT'S PRETTY
INCREDIBLE.
COME HERE.
WE SHOULD BE
SO LUCKY.
IT'S VERY CIVILIZED.
UM, YOU KNOW--
WHOA, HEY, YOU KNOW,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.
I WANT TO.
UM...I KNOW YOU WENT--
ARE YOU SURE?
MM-HMM.
[ CRYING ]
ARE YOU OKAY?
I'M FINE.
I'M SORRY, DID I--
DID I DO SOMETHING?
NO, NO,
I'M FINE, FINE.
I DON'T THINK
YOU'RE FINE.
YOU'RE CRYING.
I'M SO SORRY.
DID I HURT YOU?
NO.
UM...
ARE YOU OKAY?
I...
UM...
SHH, SHH...
OH, NO, NO.
OH, SHH...
OH, JENNY.
HE LOOKS
A LITTLE STRANGE.
YEAH, I THINK
HE HASN'T REALLY
THAWED OUT YET.
WE WERE AFRAID
HE WAS GOING
TO DECOMPOSE,
SO SHANE AND I
PUT HIM
IN THE FREEZER.
HOW IS SHANE?
SHE SEEMS
PREOCCUPIED.
YEAH, YEAH,
I DON'T KNOW.
SHE'S NOT TALKING,
BUT I THINK
IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO
WITH HER
AND HER HOLLYWOOD WIFE.
I'M NOT GOING TO STOP CALLING
UNTIL YOU DO, ALL RIGHT?
ANSWER YOUR PHONE.
OH, I'M SO SORRY
ABOUT MR. P.
I KNOW HOW MUCH
HE MEANT TO YOU.
I'M SO GLAD
I GOT TO KNOW HIM
BEFORE
HE PASSED ON.
OH, THANKS
FOR TAKING
SUCH GOOD CARE
OF HIM, KIT.
I DIDN'T KNOW HIM,
BUT MY CONDOLENCES.
IVAN.
HI.
I'M SO SORRY.
THIS WAS GOING TO BE
YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
I WANT YOU TO UNWRAP IT.
IT'S BY ONE OF
MY FAVORITE ARTISTS,
ED CONLIN.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
WHAT IS WITH THE TWIN THING?
ARE THEY MERGING
ALREADY?
WILL YOU TAKE THIS FOR ME?
THANKS.
HI, BABY.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
YOU GUYS...
TONYA.
OH.
I WOULD LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST
TO MR. PIDDLES.
TO MR. P., KITTY,
YOU WELL-LOVED
FURRY FELINE.
WE WILL MISS YOU.
CHEERS.
MR. P.
HEY, DANE,
HERE WE GO.
YEAH.
I SHOULD SAY SOMETHING, RIGHT?
OKAY.
EVERYBODY,
I JUST WANT TO SAY--
TO SAY THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR COMING,
AND...YOU GUYS
ARE THE BEST FRIENDS
ANYBODY COULD EVER HAVE.
IT'S TIMES
LIKE THESE
WHEN YOU REALIZE
WHAT'S IMPORTANT,
AND THOSE
ARE THE PEOPLE
WHO ARE THERE FOR YOU,
THE ONES WHO GOT YOU THROUGH,
AND...THEN THE ONES
YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT,
AND I'VE
ALSO REALIZED
HOW IMPORTANT TONYA IS TO ME--
COME HERE--
AND SHE, MORE THAN ANYONE,
HAS REALLY HELPED ME
GET THROUGH
THIS REALLY TERRIBLE
TIME,
AND I JUST--
I JUST WANTED YOU ALL
TO BE THE FIRST
TO KNOW...
JUST SHOW THEM,
SHOW THEM.
TONYA AND I
ARE ENGAGED.
WE'RE GETTING
MARRIED.
NO WAY.
SHIT.
I'M JUST--YOU KNOW,
IT'S JUST A SHAME
THAT MR. P. CAN'T BE HERE
TO SHARE THIS WITH US,
BUT I'M SURE
HE'D BE FILLED WITH JOY LIKE ME.
IT'S A CONFLICT
OF INTEREST.
IT'S NOT FAIR TO THE CAC,
AND IT'S NOT FAIR TO CANDACE.
I'M SORRY,
I DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS GOING TO BE
SUCH A BIG DEAL
FOR YOU.
I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU'RE FREAKING OUT
ABOUT IT.
BECAUSE YOU'RE EXPLOITING HER.
I MEAN, SHE DOESN'T MAKE
THAT MUCH MONEY,
AND SHE MIGHT JUST HAVE FELT
SHE HAD TO DO IT BECAUSE OF ME.
SHE SEEMED HAPPY
TO DO IT.
SHE SAID YES?
YES.
SELFISH...
I'M GOING TO
HAVE TO ASK YOU
TO MOVE ON
OUT OF HERE.
LISTEN, I'M WAITING FOR SOMEONE.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT
SOMEWHERE ELSE.
LISTEN, THEY'RE EXPECTING ME,
ALL RIGHT?
THEY'RE GOING TO BE OUT
IN A MINUTE.
NO, THEY WON'T,
AND IF YOU DON'T GET YOURSELF
FAR ENOUGH AWAY
FROM THEIR HOUSE,
YOU'RE GOING TO BE
IN VIOLATION
OF THE RESTRAINING ORDER
THEY FILED AGAINST YOU.
YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?
YEAH.
FINE.
[ DISHES CLANKING ]
TINA.
I'M SORRY.
I-I OVERREACTED.
OKAY.
I MEAN, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU
HOW STRESSED OUT I AM.
I MEAN,
I KNOW
THAT DOESN'T EXCUSE
MY BEHAVIOR,
BUT I THINK
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A NICE THING
IF YOU HAD TOLD ME
THAT YOU WERE TALKING TO SOMEONE
THAT I'M WORKING WITH.
CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER?
I'M MEETING OSCAR AND ESAI.
CAN YOU ACCEPT MY APOLOGY?
I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY.
I'M SORRY
I DIDN'T THINK
TO WARN YOU.
WE'VE BEEN
A LITTLE OUT OF TOUCH.
IT'LL BE OVER SOON.
AS SOON AS THE SHOW OPENS--
SURE.
I'LL CALL YOU LATER...
WHENEVER I GET A MINUTE.
OH, MY GOD, WHAT AM I DOING?
WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?
WHAT AM I DOING?
HI.
HEY.
YOU'RE STILL HERE.
I WANTED TO MAKE SURE
YOU WERE OKAY.
I'M SORRY
ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
YOU MUST HAVE THOUGHT
I WAS A CRAZY PERSON.
NO,
YOU JUST SEEMED...
REALLY SAD.
AT LEAST
I HAVE SOME IDEA
OF WHAT'S GOING ON,
YOU KNOW...
IT'S PRETTY INTENSE.
MY LIFE...
SO AM I, LIKE, THE FIRST GUY
YOU TRIED TO BE WITH
SINCE YOU FELL IN LOVE
WITH THAT WOMAN
AND YOUR MARRIAGE FELL APART
AND SHE DROPPED YOU
LIKE A HOT POTATO?
YEAH.
YOU'RE THE FIRST GUY SINCE TIM.
MAYBE YOU DON'T WANT
TO BE WITH GUYS.
NO.
NO, I...
I STILL LIKE GUYS...
I DO.
I UNDERSTAND IF YOU DON'T WANT
TO SEE ME AGAIN.
DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN?
I LIKE YOU.
I LIKE YOU, TOO.
I HOPE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED.
I JUST TOOK
THE LIBERTY
OF ORDERING
FOR YOU, SO...
YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS KNOW
WHAT I'M GOING TO GET
EVEN BEFORE
I KNOW IT.
I'M GETTING SPOILED.
NOTHING--
NOTHING COULD SPOIL YOU,
NOTHING.
IVAN...
I ADORE YOU,
I REALLY DO,
AND YOU ARE THE FINEST PERSON
I'VE EVER HAD THE PRIVILEGE
OF SPENDING TIME
WITH...
BUT THIS,
IT JUST DOESN'T
FEEL RIGHT.
UH, WHAT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT
ABOUT IT?
I...I JUST DON'T HAVE ANYTHING
TO OFFER YOU IN RETURN.
OH, NO.
YOU--YOU OFFER ME SO MUCH.
YOU CAN'T IMAGINE--
PLEASE, PLEASE,
PLEASE, PLEASE.
PLEASE,
JUST LISTEN TO ME.
YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS.
I-I'M A STRAIGHT WOMAN...
A TWO-MONTHS-
FROM-50-YEAR
LIFETIME
HETEROSEXUAL WOMAN.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU...
IF YOU WERE A MAN...
YOU WOULD BE
THE PERFECT MAN...
AND I KNOW
THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE
WHO COULD BE BETTER FOR YOU
AND JUST GIVE YOU
WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR, KIT?
NO.
NO, NOT IN THE BIG-PICTURE SENSE
THAT YOU MEAN.
♪ I REALLY LIKE YOU ♪
THEN HOW DO YOU KNOW
I CAN'T GIVE IT TO YOU?
♪ BUT IT'S NOT
MEANT TO BE ♪
SEE YOU LATER.
BYE.
WHO THE FUCK
WAS THAT?
I DON'T THINK
THAT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS.
WHAT?
JENNY,
THIS IS MY HOUSE.
I THINK
IT'S MY BUSINESS
IF YOU'RE FUCKING
SOME OTHER GUY
IN MY HOUSE!
NO.
YOU AND I ARE GETTING
A DIVORCE.
LOOK AT ME!
BECAUSE
YOU FELL IN LOVE
WITH ANOTHER WOMAN!
AND THAT RELATIONSHIP HAS ENDED,
AND NOW I'M DATING OTHER PEOPLE.
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE
IF I'M DATING
A MAN OR A WOMAN, TIM?
THE DIFFERENCE
IS THAT WE WERE ENGAGED.
YOU WERE SUPPOSEDLY IN LOVE
WITH ME.
YOU SWORE
THAT IF YOU WERE EVER GOING
TO BE WITH A MAN AGAIN,
I WAS THE MAN
YOU WERE GOING TO BE WITH,
THE ONLY MAN.
AND I BELIEVED IT
WHEN I SAID IT TO YOU, TIM.
BUT IT WASN'T TRUE.
JENNY, YOU'VE TAKEN
OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP,
TURNED IT
INTO THIS ENORMOUS FUCKING LIE.
I DON'T WANT YOU
IN MY LIFE ANYMORE.
IT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD.
DO YOU WANT ME TO MOVE OUT?
IT'S GOT TO BE
BETTER THAN THIS,
RIGHT?
YEAH, I KNOW
THAT THE SEQUENCING
IS COMPLETELY WRONG
IN THIS ROOM.
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY,
THAT IS AN OPI,
THAT IS NOT A SPINACI,
SO I THINK
WHAT WE HAVE TO...DO
IS TO...
ACTUALLY, CAN YOU DO THAT
FOR ME?
YEAH.
I NEED 45 MINUTES
IN MY OFFICE, ALONE.
SURE, ABSOLUTELY.
[ FOOTSTEPS
APPROACHING ]
[ ♪♪ ]
I, JENNIFER SCHECTER,
AM NOT TOO SURE OF WHO I AM,
BECAUSE THERE ARE
SEVERAL OF ME.
THEY FLOAT UP FROM ME
LIKE PHANTOMS
AND SLINK OFF TO COMMIT ACTS
FOR WHICH I MAY
OR MAY NOT BE RESPONSIBLE.
JENNIFER DIANE SCHECTER
IS NOT AT ALL SURE
WHETHER ANY OF THIS HAPPENED,
OR WHETHER
IT WAS SIMPLY A TALE
AS TOLD TO J.D.S. BY J.D.
AFTER A POEM BY J.
I, J.D.S., JENNIFER SCHECTER,
HAVE SO MANY SELVES...
THAT I DON'T KNOW
WHERE I BEGIN...
[ KNOCKS ]
OR IF I END.
HEY.
IS IT TIME TO GO?
PROVOCATIONS
STARTS AT 7:30,
BUT, YOU KNOW, TAKE YOUR TIME.
BABE, HAVE YOU
SEEN MY DRESS?
ARE YOU--
BABY?
SWEETHEART, COME ON.
LET'S GET YOU
OUT OF HERE.
BABY, WE HAVE TO HAVE YOU THERE
IN 40 MINUTES.
BABY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
YOU ARE SO EXHAUSTED.
I AM...
I AM EXHAUSTED.
YOU JUST NEED TO
GET THROUGH TODAY
AND TONIGHT,
AND THEN
YOU CAN CRASH.
YOU DESERVE
TO JUST FALL APART.
I MIGHT.
WELL, IF YOU DO,
I'LL TAKE CARE
OF YOU.
OKAY?
GOING TO BE OKAY?
HMM?
TEE...
WHAT?
I REALLY...
I REALLY WANT US
TO TRY AGAIN
TO HAVE A BABY.
I WANT--I NEED US
TO START OUR FAMILY.
MAYBE IN A COUPLE
MONTHS, OKAY?
I NEED
A LITTLE TIME...
AND THEN
WE'LL DO IT,
WE'LL START
OUR FAMILY.
I JUST NEED
SOME TIME.
LET'S GET YOU
DRESSED.
WOW.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
BETTE!
BETTE PORTER!
[ SHUTTERS CLICKING ]
MISS PORTER, WHAT IS
PROVOCATIONS ABOUT?
AND FOLLOW-UP
QUESTION, BETTE,
HOW MUCH IS THE CAC
SPENDING ON SECURITY?
PROVOCATIONS IS THE EDGE
OF OUR PRESENT CULTURE,
WHERE WE STAND TO FACE OURSELVES
BEFORE WE JUMP
INTO AN UNKNOWN FUTURE.
THANK YOU.
OH.
DO YOU HAVE
ONE OF THOSE?
I, ACTU--
I HAVE MANY.
DO YOU WANT
TO SEE?
UM, NO, THANKS.
ARE YOU SURE?
YEAH.
REALLY?
MAYBE LATER.
OKAY.
HEY.
HOW ARE YOU?
HEY, TRISH.
HI. HOW ARE YOU?
GENE FEINBERG.
HEY.
TIM HASPEL.
IT'S GOOD TO MEET YOU.
HEY, YOU TOO.
HAS SHE TOLD YOU
SHE'S A DYKE YET?
RIGHT.
WELL, YOU KNOW,
YOU TOLD ME
THAT YOU WERE
IN LOVE
WITH THAT ONE WOMAN,
AND NOW
YOU'RE SLEEPING
WITH ANOTHER WOMAN,
BUT...
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME
YOU WERE A DYKE.
I AM SO SORRY.
HEY, GUYS.
HEY.
YOU'RE HERE.
WOW, YOU LOOK...
ALIKE.
NO, WE DON'T.
SHE'S
IN A SKIRT, AL.
AND STRIPES.
YOU HAVE TO MEET MELISSA RIVERS.
MELISSA, HONEY, HI!
EXCUSE US.
WELL, I MEAN...
SHE'S NOT THAT BAD.
SHE'S NOT.
AND UNTIL YOU HAVE
SOME CONCRETE EVIDENCE,
I'D SAY DROP IT.
ALL RIGHT, I THINK
SHE KILLED MR. PIDDLES,
THAT'S WHAT.
OH, GOD,
WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?
MAYBE SHE DIDN'T LIKE
THE COMPETITION.
IT'S BECAUSE MR. PIDDLES
WAS GOING TO INHERIT
DANA'S FORTUNE,
AND TONYA MURDERED HIM
SO SHE COULD BE
THE NEXT IN LINE, RIGHT?
RIGHT?
DROP IT.
COME ON.
FUCKING CRANKY.
IF YOU EVER
COME NEAR MY WIFE
OR MY DAUGHTER,
THERE'S NOT
ONE STREET
IN THIS TOWN
YOU'LL BE ABLE
TO WALK DOWN
WITHOUT FEARING
FOR YOUR LIFE.
YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
CANDACE, HI.
CONGRATULATIONS.
THE DISPLAYS
LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU. THANKS.
HEY, TINA, THIS IS
MY FRIEND MIKELA.
HI.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
DOESN'T SHE?
HI. I'M
BETTE PORTER.
MIKELA MICHAELS.
IT'S NICE
TO MEET YOU.
AND YOU.
IT LOOKS DIFFERENT
THAN THIS MORNING,
DOESN'T IT?
IT'S A TRIUMPH
FOR YOU.
WELL, NOT FOR ME,
FOR THE ARTISTS.
AND THE PIECE
IN THE OTHER ROOM, "JESUS...
"JESUS IS IN ME."
THAT ONE'S
ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.
YEAH, THE ARTIST
IS RIGHT OVER THERE,
ISABELLA PERNAO.
THE CHAIRMAN
OF MY BOARD
IS MAKING STRANGE
HAND SIGNALS.
I'D BETTER GO.
TEE?
BYE.
ACTUALLY, THERE'S
THIS WHOLE NEW SCHOOL OF THOUGHT
ON ANIMAL DESIRE,
WHICH EXTENDS WAY BEYOND
JUST THE INSTINCT TO REPRODUCE.
UM, FOR EXAMPLE,
SAME-SEX WALRUSES
HAVE BEEN SEEN
KISSING ONE ANOTHER,
WHICH CAN'T
REALLY BE EXPLAINED
IN TERMS
OF THE BIOLOGICAL IMPERATIVE,
SO--
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
IS THIS YOUR THURSDAY NIGHT
THINGAMAJIGGY?
MM-HMM.
HE'S CUTE.
UM, THIS IS GENE.
THIS IS ROBIN.
HI, GENE.
ROBIN.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
YOU TOO.
THIS IS
SORT OF AWKWARD.
HI, JENNY.
AND YOU ARE?
HI. I'M GENE.
I'M MARINA.
A PLEASURE.
HEY.
ROBIN, I WANT YOU
TO MEET DANA.
DANA...
HI. HOW ARE YOU?
HEY.
UM...
DO YOU WANT TO GO?
IT'S COOL, I MEAN--
NO, I WANT TO GO, OKAY?
YEAH, YEAH,
LET'S GO.
BYE.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
YOU HEARD HIM. HE'LL KILL YOU.
YOU KNOW, MY ENTIRE LIFE,
PEOPLE HAVE SAID THAT...
I WOULD BECOME A PSYCHOPATH
IF I DIDN'T LEARN HOW TO FEEL...
AND I WANT
TO KNOW, CHERIE,
WHAT THE FUCK
IS SO GREAT
ABOUT FEELING?
BECAUSE I FINALLY LET MYSELF,
AND I FEEL LIKE MY HEART'S
BEEN COMPLETELY RIPPED OUT.
I'M SORRY.
I HAD THIS INSANE IDEA
THAT YOU AND I
COULD BE TOGETHER...
BECAUSE IT FELT REAL.
IT WAS A DELUSION.
THEN I'M DELUSIONAL...
BECAUSE I SWEAR
YOU FELT THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME.
WHAT IF I DID?
WHAT DIFFERENCE
WOULD IT MAKE?
WHAT IF IN THE TIME
THAT WE SPENT TOGETHER,
I FELT MORE ALIVE THAN I HAVE
IN THE LAST 20 YEARS OF MY LIFE?
WHAT IF
THAT WERE TRUE?
DO YOU THINK THAT I WOULD LEAVE
MY HUSBAND, MY CHILD,
MY HOUSES IN BEL AIR
AND EAST HAMPTON,
MY TRIPS TO PARIS,
MY BLACK-TIE
GALAS...
TO RUN TO SOME
RANK LITTLE LOVE NEST
WITH A 25-YEAR-OLD
ASSISTANT HAIRDRESSER
WHO BARELY HAS HER FOOT
IN THE DOOR?
IN THIS FUCKING UGLY WORLD,
THAT KIND OF LOVE
DOES NOT EXIST.
OH, HEY, TINA.
I--I WANTED
TO TELL BETTE
HOW PROUD I AM
OF HER,
BUT SHE'S
WITH SOME BIGWIGS
OR SOMETHING,
SO WOULD YOU
TELL HER
I'LL CALL HER
TOMORROW?
YEAH, I WILL.
OKAY. BYE.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU AGAIN,
IVAN.
TAKE CARE.
♪ DON'T TELL ME ♪
I HAD SUCH
A GOOD TIME TONIGHT.
OH, IT MADE ME FEEL SO GOOD,
I FEEL A LITTLE HIGH.
HEY, SEE, THAT'S
A BEAUTIFUL THING.
YOU KNOW,
YOU DON'T NEED DOPE.
YOU DON'T NEED BOOZE.
YOU GOT EVERYTHING
YOU NEED...
YEAH.
RIGHT HERE.
YEAH.
IVAN...
WHAT I SAID THE OTHER DAY,
I-I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I APPRECIATE
EVERYTHING YOU DO FOR ME.
WAIT RIGHT HERE.
[ ♪♪ ]
[ LIP-SYNCHING ]
♪ IF YOU WANT A LOVER ♪
♪ I'LL DO ANYTHING
YOU ASK ME TO ♪
♪ AND IF YOU WANT
ANOTHER KIND OF LOVE ♪
♪ I'LL WEAR A MASK FOR YOU ♪
♪ IF YOU WANT A PARTNER
TAKE MY HAND ♪
♪ OR IF YOU WANT
TO STRIKE ME DOWN IN ANGER ♪
♪ HERE I STAND ♪
♪ I'M YOUR MAN ♪
♪ IF YOU WANT A BOXER ♪
♪ I WILL STEP ♪
♪ INTO THE RING
FOR YOU ♪
♪ AND IF YOU WANT A DOCTOR ♪
♪ I'LL EXAMINE ♪
♪ EVERY INCH OF YOU ♪
♪ IF YOU WANT A DRIVER
CLIMB INSIDE ♪
♪ OR IF YOU WANT TO TAKE ME
FOR A RIDE ♪
♪ YOU KNOW YOU CAN ♪
♪ I'M YOUR MAN ♪
DO YOU WANT SOME TEA?
SURE.
OKAY.
HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE?
TIM LET ME IN.
OKAY.
UM...
JEN,
I SWEAR TO GOD
I HAD NO IDEA
YOU AND MARINA
EVEN KNEW EACH OTHER.
OKAY?
SHE TOTALLY SET US UP
HERE...
AND FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,
I WAS GOING TO STOP SEEING HER
AFTER TONIGHT.
IT'S NO WONDER
I NEVER WAS REALLY INTO HER.
I--I'M--I'M...
WELL...
I'M SORRY.
DO YOU WANT ME
TO LEAVE?
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE BEFORE
YOU MAKE YOUR DECISION,
YOU SHOULD LISTEN
TO YOUR PHONE MACHINE.
PERHAPS YOU'LL WANT
US BOTH TO GO.
THE MESSAGE CAME IN
WHEN I WAS SITTING HERE.
I COULDN'T HELP BUT HEAR IT.
OKAY.
JENNY, IT'S MARINA.
I'M SORRY.
SEEING ROBIN
AND BRINGING HER TONIGHT...
I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.
I KNOW I AM,
AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING
TO HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE.
[ BEEP ]
OH, FUCK.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW,
I SHOULD PROBABLY BE THE ONE
TO GO.
GENE, NO, I SHOULD GO.
NO.
I DON'T WANT EITHER OF YOU
TO LEAVE.
I KNOW.
I SAW IT.
I'M SORRY.
I LOVE YOU.
FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU.
[ CRYING ]
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.
[ CRYING ]
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.
OH, GOD.
I'M SORRY.
YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME.
I LOVE YOU.
STOP IT!
NO, NO!
STOP IT, STOP IT!
FUCK YOU.
NO...NO!
STOP--
FUCK YOU!
[ SCREAMING ]
[ MOANING ]
♪ SOMEDAY YOU'LL LIVE ♪
♪ ON AN ISLAND
BEAUTIFUL ♪
♪ AND YOU'LL GO TO SLEEP ♪
♪ BENEATH THE STARS
IN THE SKY ♪
ROME, ITALY.
I'LL BUY IT.
♪ IN THE ARMS
OF TRUER LOVE ♪
♪ SECURE AND SUITABLE ♪
HI.
HI. I HAVE
TO TALK.
WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON?
IT'S 4:00 AM.
I KNOW.
ARE YOU OKAY?
YOU CAN'T MARRY
TONYA.
SWEETIE, ARE YOU OKAY?
DO YOU NEED ME?
NO. NO, NO, IT'S OKAY.
♪ BUT YOU REALLY SHOWED ME ♪
♪ WHAT IS LOVE ♪
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT? WHY?
BECAUSE...
BECAUSE WHY?
BECAUSE.
OH, FUCK.
♪ YOU KNOW
I'M JUST STARTING ♪
♪ TO FIGURE OUT THIS WAY ♪
♪ MOVING FROM GRAY
TO BLACK AND WHITE ♪
♪ IT'S BECOMING CLEARER ♪
♪ THIS PHOTOGRAPH OF LOVE ♪
♪ BUT SOMEHOW ♪
♪ IT'S JUST OUT OF REACH ♪
FUCK.
OH, GOD,
I'D BETTER GO.
♪ MAY THE LIGHT OF HEAVEN ♪
♪ SHINE OVER YOU ♪
♪ MAY GOD BLESS YOU ♪
♪ AND GIVE YOU PEACE ♪
♪ MAY THE LIGHT OF HEAVEN ♪
♪ SHINE ON YOU ♪
♪ MAY THE LOVE OF HEAVEN ♪
♪ SHINE ON YOU ♪
♪ MAY THE LIGHT OF HEAVEN ♪
♪ SHINE ON YOU ♪
♪ MAY THE LOVE OF HEAVEN ♪
♪ SHINE ON YOU ♪
FUCK, ALICE,
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
OH, MY GOD.
TINA?
TINA,
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
HEY.
ARE YOU OKAY?
WHAT--
I'M SORRY,
I JUST...
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I JUST LET
MYSELF IN.
I...
THAT'S OKAY.
I WAS...WONDERING
IF I COULD STAY HERE
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
YEAH.
TINA,
WHAT HAPPENED?
[ CRYING ]
HEY.
HEY, STOP.
COME ON, COME ON,
COME ON, COME ON.
OKAY? OKAY.
COME HERE, COME HERE.
OKAY, IT'S OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
I GOT YOU. I GOT YOU.
♪ SO THERE YOU GO ♪
♪ WILL YOU TURN AROUND ♪
♪ AND SEE ALL THE HURT? ♪
♪ MY HEART ON THE GROUND ♪
♪ ONLY ME TO BLAME ♪
♪ FOR TRUSTING YOU ♪
♪ OR CAN YOU SEE ME ♪
♪ LIKE I SEE YOU? ♪