[ FUNK MUSIC ]
[♪♪]
HEY, ROXANNE,
YOU GOT TIME TO LEAN,
YOU GOT TIME TO CLEAN,
ALL RIGHT? LET'S GO.
THAT'S MORE
LIKE IT.
WHAT A TOOL.
[ UNZIPS FLY ]
[ PANTING ]
[ DANCE MUSIC ]
[ INDISTINCT CHATTER ]
[ ♪♪ ]
OH, GOOD.
HE BROUGHT HIM.
OH. DIVINE, NO?
HEY!
AH, AH, AH, AH.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
WHO RAISED YOU?
WOLVES?
WE MAKE SOME
INTRODUCTIONS
BEFORE WE REACH
FOR THE DRUGS.
THAT'S RIGHT.
FUCK!
HARRY, SHANE. SHANE, HARRY.
YOU ARE DELICIOUS.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM?
I DIDN'T HAVE
A CHANCE.
I WAS GOING TO--
OOH, TELL ME.
TELL ME WHAT?
WELL, HARRY, SHANE'S--
SHANE'S A WHAT?
SHANE IS AN EX-CON.
A MURDERER, PERHAPS.
OH, GOD,
PLEASE TELL ME
YOU'RE NOT
HETEROSEXUAL.
I'M A GIRL.
A FEMALE...
HARRY.
YEAH.
MY, MY, MY.
ANDROGYNY CONFOUNDS, DOESN'T IT?
WELL, YOU KNOW,
I SUPPOSE IT'S REVOLUTIONARY,
BUT I MUST ADMIT,
I AM DISAPPOINTED,
BECAUSE IT'S
ALWAYS THE SKINNY BOYS
THAT HAVE...
OOH...
THE BIGGEST COCKS.
YOU'RE
A FUCKING CHARMER,
YOU KNOW THAT?
MM!
JUST GORGEOUS.
SHANE...
IS THERE ANYTHING
I CAN DO FOR YOU?
ANYTHING AT ALL?
YOU DON'T FEEL SICK, DO YOU?
JUST AWAKE.
THAT FEELS GOOD,
THOUGH.
YOU CAN SLEEP
ON THE WHOLE
PLANE RIDE.
WE'LL HAVE
A COUPLE OF HOURS
AT THE HOTEL, TOO,
JUST BEFORE
THE OPENING.
IF YOU COULD HAVE
ANYTHING RIGHT NOW,
WHAT WOULD IT BE?
SOMETHING COLD, LIKE SORBET,
ONLY SWEETER,
LIKE THOSE, UM...
ROCKET POPSICLE THINGS.
A SLURPEE?
YEAH.
OKAY.
A SLURPEE.
YOU KNOW,
SHANE AND I
TURNED TRICKS
IN SANTA MONICA FOR SIX MONTHS.
REALLY?
WHAT DID
OUR FRIEND DO?
SHE ONLY GAVE HAND JOBS,
NO MATTER HOW MUCH
THEY OFFERED HER.
SHE COULD'VE MADE
A LOT OF MONEY.
WELL, THAT...
IS CALLED INTEGRITY.
UNFORTUNATELY,
IT'S NOT SOMETHING
THAT YOU CAN BUY
OR STEAL, IS IT?
NO, NO.
DO YOU THINK, UH...
I DON'T KNOW.
DO YOU THINK
SHE WOULD...
OH, SHANE? OH, NO, NO.
SHE'S THROUGH WITH THAT. NO.
SHE'S A HAIR STYLIST NOW.
WELL, SORT OF A JUNIOR ASSISTANT
SHAMPOO GIRL
ASPIRING...
SO ARE YOU GOOD AT IT?
AM I GOOD AT WHAT?
BECAUSE I AM GOING
TO SEND YOU
CHERIE JAFFE.
SHE'S MY BUSINESS
PARTNER'S WIFE,
AND IF THERE'S
A CORPORATION
OF HOLLYWOOD WIVES,
CHERIE JAFFE
IS THE CEO.
SO WHAT?
SO IF SHE LIKES
WHAT YOU DO TO HER,
YOU'LL BE THE HOTTEST
HAIRDRESSER
HOLLYWOOD
HAS EVER SEEN
BEFORE YOU EVEN
KNOW WHAT HIT YOU.
HAVE A BUMP, CLIVE.
THANK YOU.
OH, MY GOD.
IS THIS NOT
THE COOLEST-LOOKING BULLET
YOU HAVE EVER SEEN?
[ SNIFFS ]
GOOD.
[ SNIFFS ]
I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE BLOW.
WHAT IS THAT?
EVERYONE'S DOING
OXY THESE DAYS.
HEY. HARRY LOVES YOU.
YOU'RE GOING
TO BE HUGE.
THANK YOU.
NICE WORK.
SORRY.
WAS I MAKING TOO MUCH NOISE?
NO. NO, I JUST...
TINA HAD A LATE-NIGHT CRAVING.
DO YOU...
DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?
I'M A FUCKING IDIOT.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
I MEAN, IT WAS
A TOTAL SHOCKER.
I NEVER WOULD HAVE FIGURED
JENNY WOULD EVER BE
UNFAITHFUL TO ANYONE--
I MARRIED HER, BETTE.
EIGHT HOURS AFTER
I WALKED IN ON HER
WITH MARINA'S HEAD
BETWEEN HER LEGS,
WE'RE SAYING, "I DO"
IN SOME
WHITE-TRASH CHAPEL
IN TAHOE.
OH.
YEAH.
SEE WHAT I MEAN?
WELL, YOU KNOW,
I MEAN, WE DO...
WE DO CRAZY THINGS
SOMETIMES
WHEN WE THINK WE'RE
GOING TO LOSE SOMEONE,
BUT I COMPLETELY
UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU DID IT.
I JUST...
WOKE UP
IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE NIGHT
IN THAT HOTEL ROOM.
I'D NEVER FELT
SO EMPTY,
SO FULL OF NOTHING.
I...
I LEFT HER THERE.
I JUST WALKED OUT
ON HER,
AND NOW I HAVE NO IDEA
WHERE SHE IS.
LISTEN, I KNOW...
I KNOW IT MUST
REALLY HURT,
BUT...
JENNY IS A WRITER,
YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, WRITERS
CRAVE EXPERIENCE.
I MEAN, WHAT IF
THAT'S ALL IT WAS
WITH MARINA?
WHAT, CRAVING
EXPERIENCE?
YOU THINK SO?
I THINK IT WAS
YOU FUCKING DYKES,
THAT'S WHAT I THINK.
HEY, DON'T CURSE
US ALL, OKAY?
THAT'S WHY TINA AND I
LEFT YOUR DINNER PARTY,
BECAUSE WE DIDN'T WANT
TO BE ANY PART OF IT.
OH, MY--I'M--
YOU DIDN'T KNOW
IT WAS ALREADY GOING ON THEN?
TIM, I DIDN'T...
I'M SO SORRY. I...
I DIDN'T
SAY ANYTHING...
I DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
I MEAN, YOU'RE MY FRIEND,
AND SOMETIMES...
PEOPLE KILL THE MESSENGER.
HOW LONG WAS IT GOING ON?
YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU SHOULD
ASK JENNY THAT QUESTION.
WHY WON'T ANYONE
TELL ME THE TRUTH, BETTE?
I MEAN, NO MORE THAN A MONTH.
HOW MANY TIMES?
TIM, I HAVE
NO WAY OF KNOWING THAT.
WHAT, 10? 100?
I MEAN, COME ON, BETTE.
I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS,
RIGHT?
I AM YOUR FRIEND.
I JUST... I DON'T KNOW.
I'M SORRY.
[ JENNY ]: TIM,
FOR YOU, MY HEART,
RIPPED FROM MY CHEST.
EVISCERATED, I AM.
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
HELLO?
NO, I DON'T WANT
TO FUCKING SWITCH
LONG DISTANCE COMPANIES.
OKAY, WE'RE STAYING
AT THE SOHO GRAND,
AND THE MUSEUM OF NEW ART
IS IN MIDTOWN,
SO THAT MEANS THE CAR
HAS TO BE THERE BY 6:30,
SO WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME
TO SIT IN TRAFFIC.
[ BETTE LAUGHS ]
OKAY?
ALL RIGHT.
THANKS, JAMES.
BYE.
DO YOU FEEL REALLY AWFUL?
WELL, YOU CAN SLEEP
THE WHOLE PLANE RIDE.
WE'RE IN FIRST CLASS.
HOW AMAZING IS THAT?
YEAH, I KNOW.
THE PEABODY FOUNDATION
ACTUALLY INCLUDED
MY NAME
ON THE INVITATION.
FOR THE FIRST TIME,
WE'RE NOT
"BETTE PORTER AND GUEST."
I'M GOING
TO PAMPER YOU.
YOU WON'T HAVE
TO DO A THING.
I CAN PRACTICALLY
CARRY YOU THERE.
OKAY?
OOH.
YOU'RE REALLY NOT UP TO THIS,
ARE YOU?
NO, NO,
I'M FINE, I'M FINE.
I'M GOING TO...
I'M GOING TO
PULL IT TOGETHER.
I AM.
OKAY.
I'M JUST GOING
TO SIT DOWN.
I JUST NEED TO BREATHE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOUR HEALTH IS BY FAR
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
IN OUR LIVES RIGHT NOW,
AND IF YOU NEED TO STAY HOME,
I WILL BE OKAY.
ARE YOU SURE?
I MEAN,
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT FOR YOU.
I REALLY WANT TO BE THERE.
I WOULD RATHER YOU CAME,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WANT YOU TO DO
WHAT YOUR BODY
IS TELLING YOU TO DO.
OKAY?
I'M SORRY.
I WISH
I FELT BETTER.
GURUDEV RECOMMENDED
A CHINESE HERBALIST
WHO HAS A CURE
FOR MORNING SICKNESS.
I'M GONNA CALL AND MAKE
AN APPOINTMENT.
WELL, THAT'S GOOD.
I MEAN, IF GURUDEV SAID--
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M REALLY WORRIED
ABOUT LEAVING YOU
HERE BY YOURSELF.
NO, I'M GOING TO BE FINE.
DON'T WORRY.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE I'M NOT
GOING TO NEW YORK WITH YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WANT YOU TO CALL ME ANY TIME
FOR ANY REASON.
YOU WILL, RIGHT?
I LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU.
GOOD LUCK.
THANKS.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
OH, GOD.
AND WE CAN HAVE
GO-GO DANCERS.
HOT, SEXY GIRLY-GIRLS.
NO. NO.
WHAT WE NEED IS
SUPER-BUTCH GIRLS
THAT DON'T TAKE OFF
THEIR CLOTHES.
UNLESS THEY WANT TO.
UH, OKAY.
WHAT ARE WE
GOING TO CALL IT?
WHAT ABOUT FUCKWAD?
BORING. LABIA.
LABIA'S
TOO CLINICAL.
YEAH, TOO '70s.
OKAY, HOW ABOUT...
TWAT?
OOH.
TWAT IS GREAT.
I LOVE TWAT.
ME TOO.
DONE. TWAT: THE NIGHT.
DO YOU THINK
PEOPLE WILL GET ANGRY?
FUCK 'EM.
THEY'LL JUST HAVE
TO DEAL WITH IT.
IT'S NOT LIKE
WE DON'T HAVE
PENISES IN OUR FACE
EVERY DAY
OF THE WEEK.
EXACTLY.
TWAT: THE NIGHT...
"DEAL WITH IT."
UH-HUH.
GO, TWAT!
SHANE, WHERE ARE YOU?
IT IS REALLY, REALLY LONELY
HERE AT THE PLANET.
AND YOUR ROOMMATES ARE OVER HERE
SAYING "TWAT"
LIKE THEY HAVE
TOURETTE'S SYNDROME,
AND DANA AND LARA LEFT,
AND ALL THEY WERE DOING
WAS GIVING ME
THE "WE FUCKED ALL NIGHT
AND NO ONE ELSE
IN THE WORLD MATTERS" VIBE.
IT WAS GROSS.
ANYWAY, I WISH YOU'D COME
BE SURLY AND CYNICAL WITH ME.
ALL RIGHT.
MIND IF I
JOIN YOU?
HI. NO.
I MEAN, YEAH.
SO, HOW ARE THINGS
WITH YOUR MOM?
DID SHE GET THE PART
IN THAT MOVIE?
WOW.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU REMEMBER THAT.
WELL, I WAS WORRIED
ABOUT YOU.
YOU SEEMED PRETTY STRESSED
WHEN SHE PHONED.
YEAH.
WELL, IT GOT
A LOT WORSE,
BUT YOU DON'T WANT...
THAT'S BORING.
YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.
TALK TO ME.
OKAY.
UM, ALL RIGHT, WELL, UH...
MY MOTHER SPENT ALL HER MONEY.
THERE WAS NEVER
ANY PART IN ANY MOVIE.
UM, LET'S SEE.
SHE'S IN DEBT UP THE WAZOO,
SO NOW HER PALM SPRINGS CONDO'S
BEING FORECLOSED ON,
AND NOW MY BROTHER AND SISTER
BOTH THINK
THAT I SHOULD
LET HER LIVE WITH ME,
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE MARRIED,
THEY HAVE CHILDREN.
YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE DEAL.
THEY THINK YOU'RE
INHERENTLY LESS-THAN.
THEY TREAT YOU LIKE A SERF
AND ORDER YOU AROUND
BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T EMBRACED
THEIR CONVENTIONAL VALUES.
YEAH.
THEY THINK
JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE
TRADITIONAL FAMILIES
AND CLEAVE
TO THE RULING CLASS MODEL,
YOU SHOULD BE COMPELLED
TO GIVE UP YOUR CHOSEN FREEDOM
AND AUTONOMY.
I MEAN, JUST BECAUSE
WE HAVEN'T FOLLOWED
DOWN THEIR STRICT, LIMITING,
BULLSHIT PATH
TO LEGITIMIZE OURSELVES
IN THEIR EYES.
YEAH.
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY.
[ KNOCKING ]
SHANE. SHANE.
YOU GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THERE,
GET INSIDE, AND GET CLEANED UP
BEFORE ONE OF THE CLIENTS
SEES YOU.
HEY, JOHN.
OH, NO,
NO, NO, NO.
DON'T YOU
"HEY, JOHN" ME.
YOU ARE
A FRIGHTENING MESS
IN FRONT OF MY SHOP.
[ HORN HONKS ]
OH, SHIT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DO NOT CARE
WHAT SKANKY THINGS
YOU DID TO WHICH
SKANKY PEOPLE
TO GET INTO THIS STATE,
BUT I WILL NOT
TOLERATE
YOU BRINGING
THAT SKANK
INTO MY SHOP.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
YEAH. YEAH.
I HEAR...
I HEAR YOU.
GET OUT.
OKAY.
HEY.
I WAS JUST GOING TO CALL YOU,
I SWEAR.
BETTE TOLD ME TO LET YOU SLEEP
TILL 10:30.
SHE CALLED YOU?
YEAH, ON THE WAY
TO THE AIRPORT,
AT, LIKE, 6:00 THIS MORNING,
THANK YOU.
SO HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
WELL, I'M FINE
NOW THAT I'VE PUKED UP
MOST OF MY
INTERNAL ORGANS.
DR. WILSON THINKS I SHOULD GO
ON PROGESTERONE SUPPOSITORIES,
BUT I'M GOING TO GO
TO THIS CHINESE
HERBALIST
THIS AFTERNOON.
CAN I GET YOU
SOME TEA?
SOMETHING BLAND
TO NIBBLE ON?
OH, THANKS.
I CAN GET IT MYSELF.
NO, NO,
IT'S MY PLEASURE.
THIS IS SUCH
A BEAUTIFUL
AND CRAZY TIME
IN A WOMAN'S BODY.
I'M JEALOUS MY BODY
WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE
WHAT YOU'RE EXPERIENCING
RIGHT NOW.
HELLO?
HI. I'M LOOKING FOR A GUEST,
JENNY SCHECTER.
OH, I'M SORRY.
THE ROOM'S UNDER TIM HASPEL.
H-A-S-P--
UH, SORRY.
WHAT TIME DID SHE CHECK OUT?
FUCK, JENNY.
[ JENNY ]:
IN ADDITION TO MY HEART,
THERE ARE SOME SMALL ORGANS
I WANT TO GIVE YOU--
GLANDS,
SWEETBREADS,
VARIETY MEATS.
[ MYSTERIOUS MUSIC ]
[ ♪♪ ]
[ BIRDS CAWING, SCREECHING]
4:00 A.M. THURSDAY MORNING.
MR. HASPEL, WE'RE NOT GONNA
BE ABLE TO FILE THIS
TILL YOUR WIFE
HAS BEEN GONE
AT LEAST 48 HOURS.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK,
CAN'T I JUST GIVE YOU
HER DESCRIPTION?
THAT WAY,
IF SHE'S STILL NOT BACK,
YOU ALREADY HAVE
THE INFORMATION, AND WE WON'T--
AFRAID YOU'LL HAVE TO COME BACK
FOR THAT.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE,
ALL RIGHT?
I NEED TO JUST TELL YOU
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
THAT WAY, YOU CAN DECIDE
WHAT THE SMART--
EXCUSE ME,
WE'RE JUST HERE
TO RENEW OUR
PARKING PASSES--
COULD YOU HANG ON?
I'M TALKING, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY.
LET ME TRY THIS AGAIN, OKAY?
MY GIRLFRIEND...
I MEAN, MY WIFE...
IS UPSET RIGHT NOW.
SHE'S NOT
THINKING CLEARLY.
THING IS, SHE WAS
CHEATING ON ME
WITH A WOMAN,
UH...
AND THEN WE GOT MARRIED...
OH, MY GOD.
QUELLE HORREUR.
I'M FUCKING SERIOUS!
SHUT UP.
GOD, IF YOU
FIND HER,
YOU BETTER NOT
RETURN HER TO HIM.
AS I SAID,
MR. HASPEL,
THERE'S NOTHING
THE POLICE CAN DO
ABOUT THIS MATTER
AT THIS TIME.
WHAT IF IT WAS MY BOYFRIEND,
HUH?
WOULD YOU HELP ME THEN?
PROBABLY.
THAT'S ENOUGH.
CAN YOU HOLD ON
FOR JUST A SECOND?
HI. CAN I HELP YOU?
HOLDING.
MS. ZIMMER.
WELL,
WELCOME TO LATHER,
AND YOU'RE SUCH A LONG WAY
AWAY FROM YOUR STUDIO.
I CAME DIRECTLY FROM LUNCH.
I'M HERE TO SEE SHANE.
SHANE?
SHANE.
GREAT.
UM, WELL...
I'LL GO AND GET HER.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST WAIT HERE
FOR A SECOND?
I'LL SEE IF
SHE'S READY,
AND JUST SIT DOWN,
HAVE A SEAT.
SHANE...
SHANE.
WHAT?
FOR GOD'S SAKES,
ELLIE ZIMMER
IS AT THE FRONT DESK.
WHO THE FUCK
IS ELLIE ZIMMER?
ZIMMER. ZIMMER. ELLIE ZIMMER.
STUDIO CHIEFTESS,
TREND PRIESTESS,
AND FRIEND OF MADONNA AND J.LO
BOTH AT THE SAME TIME.
OH, YEAH, UM...
I KNOW HER.
HARRY SENT HER.
OH, MY GOD.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW HUGE THIS IS?
ELLIE ZIMMER AT LATHER,
AND IN YOUR HANDS,
LORD HELP US.
FOR GOD'S SAKE, STAND UP.
CLEAN UP. COME ON.
MS. ZIMMER...
ELLIE...
UM, SHANE WILL BE
RIGHT WITH YOU.
IN THE MEANTIME,
WHY DON'T I OFFER YOU
A CHAI TEA, A LATTE,
MY NEW SCREENPLAY?
[ CHUCKLES ]
IS THAT SHANE?
UH, YEAH, IN ALL
OF HER GLORY.
I LOVE HARRY.
HI.
YOU WANT ONE?
OH, FUCK.
PLEASE?
PLEASE, PRETTY
PLEASE?
COME ON, JENNY.
JUST HAVE A SHROOM.
[ MYSTERIOUS MUSIC ]
[ ♪♪ ]
THIS GUY
IS THE BEST.
AFTER MY CAR ACCIDENT,
HE FIXED ME UP GOOD AS NEW.
NOW I'VE BROUGHT
MY BOYFRIEND HERE
FOR HIS CHRONIC BACK PROBLEMS.
WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR?
IS THAT
AN INAPPROPRIATE QUESTION?
I GUESS IT IS.
MORNING SICKNESS.
I'M REALLY HOPING
THAT IT'S GOING TO WORK.
HE IS A MIRACLE WORKER.
I TOLD...
WHAT DID HE SAY,
MARCUS?
MARCUS!
OH, MY GOD.
BETTE AND I,
WE WERE GOING
TO CALL YOU.
WE, WE...
DON'T TELL ME.
WE ARE.
WE'RE PREGNANT.
CONGRATULATIONS!
THAT'S AWESOME.
ISN'T IT GREAT?
OH, WOW.
[ ♪♪ ]
FOR YOU, MY HEART...
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
UM...
BECAUSE YOU
GAVE ME A RIDE.
NO, I MEAN,
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
LIKE, WHY WERE YOU
HITCHHIKING?
WHAT'S UP?
ARE YOU RUNNING AWAY
FROM SOMETHING?
NO, I'M NOT RUNNING AWAY
FROM SOMETHING.
DID YOU
COMMIT A CRIME?
I DIDN'T COMMIT A CRIME.
WELL, WHAT WAS IT, THEN?
YOU DID
SOMETHING BAD.
IT'S JUST
THAT I...
I HAVE THIS, UH,
BOYFRIEND--
THIS, UH, HUSBAND
NAMED TIM,
AND I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH,
AND THEN I, UH...
I FELL...
JUST LIKE...
AND THEN I MET THIS WOMAN
NAMED MARINA,
AND I HAD
THIS AFFAIR,
AND THEN TIM FOUND OUT.
SO, YOU'RE, LIKE, A LESBIAN?
I DON'T KNOW.
DUDE, YOU SHOULD BE
REALLY CAREFUL ABOUT THAT.
YEAH, MY FRIENDS
ROXANNE AND KATIE,
THEY GOT TOTALLY BUSTED
BEING LESBOS
IN THE RESTAURANT
WHERE THEY WORKED.
THEY WERE, LIKE,
GOING DOWN ON EACH OTHER
OR SOMETHING,
AND THE MANAGER SAW
AND TOTALLY...
HE RATTED THEM OUT
TO THEIR PARENTS,
AND THEY GOT SENT AWAY
TO BOARDING SCHOOL
AND...
ONE OF THEM KILLED HERSELF.
OH, THAT'S REALLY HORRIBLE.
SO BE CAREFUL.
THOSE WEREN'T
HER FRIENDS.
IT WAS
AN AFTER-SCHOOL
SPECIAL.
WHATEVER.
SHE TOTALLY DIED.
SPERM DONOR?
YOU NEVER TOLD ME
YOU WERE A SPERM DONOR.
BABY, IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
NOT A BIG DEAL?
LISTEN,
THE LIFE CYCLE
OF A SPERM CELL
IS 72 HOURS.
THE SPERM YOU GAVE HER
WAS IN YOU
WHEN YOU AND I MADE LOVE.
THOSE ARE NOT
YOUR SPERM TO GIVE.
I'M SORRY.
I THINK THAT YOU ARE...
I'M SORRY, WHAT'S
YOUR NAME, AGAIN?
WELL, WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING NAME?
WHAT IF WE DECIDE
TO HAVE A BABY?
THAT WOULD BE
A HALF BROTHER
OR SISTER,
SO WERE YOU THINKING
WE'LL ALL GET TOGETHER
FOR CHRISTMAS?
BIRTHDAYS?
OR WERE YOU PLANNING
EVER TO EVEN TELL ME?
EXCUSE ME.
LEI LENG, YOU'RE WAY
AHEAD OF YOURSELF.
WAY AHEAD OF MYSELF?
YOU ARE PLANTING
YOUR SEED
ALL OVER CREATION,
AND I'M AHEAD
OF MYSELF?
YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE,
AND THAT MEANS
YOU'RE...
BEHIND YOURSELF!
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TELL YOU
TO TAKE THIS OUTSIDE.
TAKE YOURSELF
OUTSIDE!
BYE, MARCUS.
YOU.
OUTSIDE!
YES, YOU.
OUTSIDE!
WHAT ARE YOU
WRITING?
A LETTER TO TIM.
WILL YOU
READ IT TO ME?
MM-MM.
PLEASE?
NO.
JESUS CHRIST.
WOULD YOU PLEASE READ TO HIM?
OKAY.
TIM...
FOR YOU, MY HEART...
RIPPED FROM MY CHEST.
EVISCERATED, I AM,
AND IF I COULD,
I WOULD PLUNGE MY FINGERS
THROUGH MY CHEST
AND RIP UP MY HEART
AND GIVE IT TO YOU,
A PULPY MASS...
OF MORBID DIATHESIS.
WHAT'S DIATHESIS?
UM...
IT'S LIKE A...
A SUSCEPTIBILITY TO DISEASE.
IT'S LIKE ALL THOSE PARTS OF ME
THAT ARE...
SUSCEPTIBLE TO INVASION.
WOW.
MORBID DIATHESIS,
MORBID DIATHESIS...
BUT THAT WOULD MEAN
IT WOULD BE PUTRID.
WHAT GOOD WOULD IT DO
TO OFFER TIM
A PILE OF SICK MEAT?
PLEASE READ SOME MORE.
OKAY.
IN ADDITION TO MY HEART,
THERE ARE SOME SMALL ORGANS
I WANT TO GIVE YOU.
GLANDS, SWEETBREADS...
VARIETY MEATS.
[ EXHALES ]
IT'S NOT FAIR TO ME.
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?
WHAT KIND OF WOMAN
WANTS THE CHILD
OF A MAN
SHE BARELY KNOWS?
YOU HAVE NOT HEARD
THE END OF THIS, LADY.
I KNOW MY WAY
AROUND THE LEGAL SYSTEM,
AND I CAN TELL YOU
MARCUS AND I
HAVE RIGHTS
OVER THIS CHILD,
AND I WILL SUE IF I HAVE TO.
OH, BABY?
GOD, I'M REALLY FLIPPING OUT
RIGHT NOW.
SOMETHING HORRIBLE
JUST HAPPENED.
I JUST...
I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
WHERE ARE YOU?
OKAY, YOU'RE PROBABLY
ON YOUR WAY TO M.O.N.A.
DON'T WORRY.
I'M GOING TO BE OKAY.
JUST CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THIS.
OKAY. BYE.
FUCK.
HARRY WAS RIGHT.
YOU ARE A HAIR
GENIUS, SHANE.
NO ONE ELSE IS
GOING TO TOUCH ME.
IT LOOKS GREAT.
REALLY FANTASTIC.
NICE WORK, SHANE.
YOU KNOW, I MIGHT HAVE
DONE SOMETHING
JUST A LITTLE DIFFERENT...
MAY I TOUCH YOU?
RIGHT HERE.
OH, NOW, THAT'S PERFECT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TOMORROW NIGHT?
DO YOU WANT
TO COME TO A SCREENING
OF THE NEW
STEVEN SODERBERGH FILM?
HARRY'LL BE THERE.
YEAH, I'M FREE.
SHANE?
YEAH, UM...
SOUNDS KIND OF BEAST,
UH, BUT THANK YOU.
CALL ME.
OKAY.
DON'T YOU JUST
LOVE HER?
SHE'S THE BEST.
FANTASTIC.
ANY TIME.
THANK YOU.
SURE.
BYE.
[ SOFT JAZZ MUSIC ]
[ ♪♪ ]
[ INDISTINCT CHATTER ]
[ ♪♪ ]
[ ALICE ]: HEY, IT'S AL.
DANA AND SNOOKUMS
SAID THEY WERE
BRINGING YOU CHOW,
SO I'M GONNA COME OVER
A LITTLE LATER,
AFTER MY SITUATION.
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE
TO CALL DINNER
WHEN I HAVE NO IDEA
WHETHER IT'S
A DATE OR NOT.
ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU.
[ DANA ]: HI.
IT'S ME, DANA.
LARA AND I WILL
BE OVER AT 7:00,
AND WE'LL GET
SOME TAKEOUT
FROM THAT THAI PLACE
YOU LOVE.
OKAY, BYE.
[ SHANE ]: HEY, T.
IT'S SHANE.
LOOK, BETTE CALLED
AND SAID WE SHOULD
STILL DO POKER,
EVEN THOUGH
SHE'S OUT OF TOWN.
[ LEI LENG ]:
YOU CAN'T
WALK AWAY FROM ME
LIKE THAT.
IT'S EASY FOR ME TO FIND OUT
WHERE YOU LIVE.
I WANT YOU
TO KNOW THAT.
THAT IS NOT
YOUR BABY!
BABY?
I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU,
BUT I'M JUST REALLY DESPERATE.
SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS HAPPENING,
AND I JUST...
I REALLY NEED TO TALK YOU, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, SO CALL ME BACK.
PLEASE?
I MEAN, HONESTLY,
I WOULD HAVE
LEFT TOO, MAN.
I MEAN, I PROBABLY
WOULDN'T HAVE
GONE UP THERE
IN THE FIRST PLACE,
BUT WHAT I'M SAYING IS,
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.
I MEAN, YOU HAD
TO GET OUT OF THERE,
CLEAR YOUR HEAD.
I'M WORRIED.
THERE ARE A LOT OF SICKOS
OUT THERE, SERIAL KILLERS.
CAROLYN...
SHE LEFT
THE MOTEL WHEN?
THE DAY BEFORE
YESTERDAY?
AND NOBODY'S
HEARD FROM HER?
SHE HASN'T CHECKED IN
WITH ANYBODY?
FUCK.
HAS ANYBODY CALLED
HER MOTHER?
SOMEBODY SHOULD CHECK
WITH MOTHER.
SANDY.
SHIT,
I SHOULD HAVE CALLED SANDY.
[ LEI LENG ]: MARCUS
IS MY BOYFRIEND,
AND I AM NOT--
[ KNOCKING ]
OH, GOD.
THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.
SHE JUST CALLED AGAIN.
THIS WOMAN
IS TOTALLY CRAZY.
WHO IS SHE?
DO YOU REALLY THINK
SHE WAS GOING TO
COME OVER HERE?
I DON'T KNOW,
BUT SHE SEEMS
CAPABLE OF ANYTHING.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
LET'S GO AROUND THE HOUSE
AND MAKE SURE ALL THE DOORS
AND WINDOWS ARE LOCKED.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
YOU'RE SO SMART.
NO, YOU'RE
THE SMART ONE.
NO, ONLY IN COOKING.
NO, AND PHOTOGRAPHY.
BUT YOU HAVE
MIND AND BODY
INTELLIGENCE.
NO, YOU DO.
SHUT UP.
I SAID IT FIRST.
I SAID IT SECOND.
SORRY.
HI.
IT'S TIM.
YEAH, TIMOTHY.
GOOD.
UH, ACTUALLY,
NOT SO GOOD.
SANDY, I DON'T KNOW
WHERE JENNIFER IS.
SHE'S MISSING,
AND I'M
KIND OF WORRIED,
TO TELL YOU
THE TRUTH.
YEAH, I JUST...
I DIDN'T WANT TO ALARM YOU.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW,
AND WE NEED TO--
WHAT? WHEN?
NO, NO.
I DON'T THINK
SHE'S INSANE AT ALL.
NO, I THINK SHE KNOWS
EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S DOING, SANDY.
YEAH.
I'M GLAD SHE'S ALL RIGHT, TOO.
LOOK, I NEED TO GO, ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, THANKS.
DAMN IT!
CALM DOWN.
WHAT HAPPENED?
SHE CALLED HER MOTHER
OVER AN HOUR AGO.
SHE'S OKAY.
THAT'S REALLY GOOD.
SO WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE?
IF I HAD TO GUESS,
I'D SAY SHE'D
PROBABLY...
UM, THANKS A LOT
FOR COMING OVER,
YOU GUYS, REALLY.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE.
HI.
HEY.
HEY, GUYS.
LIQUOR IN THE FRONT,
POKER IN THE REAR.
DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE THAT JOKE
EVERY TIME WE PLAY
THIS GAME?
YES, I DO.
SO...
WHAT'S HAPPENING
WITH THE PSYCHO LADY?
IS SHE STILL CALLING OR WHAT?
WE UNPLUGGED THE PHONE.
ALL RIGHT, DOLLAR ANTE.
YOU IN, LIS?
YEAH.
ONE FOR THE LADY.
[ INDISTINCT CHATTER ]
[ MAN ]: SHE WENT RIGHT
TO PEGGY?
AH, THAT TAKES BALLS.
WHAT'S HER NAME, AGAIN?
[ WOMAN ]: BETTE PORTER,
DIRECTOR OF THE CALIFORNIA
ARTS CENTER.
I WAS EXTREMELY IMPRESSED
HOW YOU WENT UP IN THE FACE
OF THE BIG BOYS.
I... WOW.
I'M HONORED TO MEET YOU.
WOW. THANK YOU.
THE SISTER THAT
SNATCHED THE SHOW
FROM UNDER
MOCA'S NOSE.
[ KNOCKING ]
HEY, KIT.
LIQUOR IN THE FRONT,
POKER IN THE REAR, HUH?
NEITHER, THANKS.
HEY, ARE YOU OKAY?
WHAT IS WRONG
WITH MY BABY SISTER,
TO GO OFF AND LEAVE
HER PREGNANT WIFE
ALL ALONE
FOR SOME CRAZY-ASS
BITCH TO GO OFF ON?
BRING HER ON.
I WISH SHE WOULD BRING
HER FACE UP IN HERE.
THAT WOULD BE
THE LAST TIME.
LOOK AT ALL
THESE WOMEN...
AND DUDE.
WE... WILL... KICK... ASS.
[ SHOUTS OF AGREEMENT ]
I MEAN, WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?
I'M SURE THE MAN
HAS ENOUGH SPERM FOR EVERYBODY.
YEAH.
JENNY!
WHERE IS SHE?
WHY DON'T YOU
COME IN?
WHERE IS SHE?
SHE'S NOT HERE.
YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN.
DON'T FUCKING TELL ME
TO CALM DOWN, YOU VULTURE.
WHERE IS SHE?
THE LAST TIME I SAW JENNY,
SHE TOLD ME SHE NEVER WANTED
TO SEE ME AGAIN, REMEMBER?
YOU HAVE NO CONSCIENCE,
DO YOU?
YOU DON'T EVEN
FEEL BAD.
TELL ME SOMETHING.
WHEN YOU WERE
SITTING AT MY HOUSE
EATING DINNER,
DID YOU THINK FOR A SECOND
THAT MAYBE YOUR ACTIONS
WEREN'T ALTOGETHER...
LOOK AT ME!
THAT IT MIGHT NOT BE
ALTOGETHER HONORABLE?
HONORABLE?
YEAH. WHAT, YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS?
OR IS IT JUST
NOT IMPORTANT TO YOU?
SEE, THAT RIGHT THERE,
THAT FUCKING KILLS ME.
YOU JUST STANDING THERE,
SAYING NOTHING.
YOU LIED TO ME,
YOU GET MY GIRLFRIEND
TO LIE TO ME TOO,
AND YOU HAVE NOTHING
TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?
JENNY'S RESPONSIBLE
FOR HER OWN ACTIONS,
AS WE ALL ARE.
I DON'T THINK IT'S ME
YOU'RE ANGRY WITH.
DON'T TELL ME
HOW I FEEL.
DO NOT.
YOU PREYED ON HER,
PRETENDED TO BE HER FRIEND,
PLAYING YOUR PHONY
INTELLECTUAL GAMES
JUST TO GET INTO HER PANTS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU ARE FUCKING PATHETIC,
MARINA.
DO YOU HEAR ME?
THAT'S FUNNY?
YOU FIND THAT FUCKING FUNNY?
LOOK AT ME.
YEAH.
WHAT IS IT YOU DO, YOU GIRLS?
SHOULD I EVEN CARE? HUH?
DOES IT EVEN COUNT?
WELL, YOU WERE THERE.
YOU SAW HOW MUCH IT COUNTS.
YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW.
DON'T FUCKING
TOUCH ME.
JENNY'S NOT HERE.
NOW,
GET OUT OF HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I DON'T KNOW, TIM.
YOU TELL ME.
LOOK AT ME.
DO YOU THINK I'M
FUCKING JOKING?
NO.
THAT'S IT.
REALLY?
[ DOOR OPENS ]
OKAY, SO, WHAT'S THE SCOOP?
IS THE LESBO MAN
DATING THE FAKE BISEXUAL?
I AM A BISEXUAL.
OKAY,
I'M CONFUSED.
OH, WELL, LISA OVER HERE
IS A LESBIAN-IDENTIFIED MAN.
IS THAT LIKE
A TRANSSEXUAL?
NO.
I WONDER HOW HE PEES.
SITTING DOWN?
I DON'T KNOW,
YOU THINK?
SHANE?
WELL, I NEVER PEED WITH HIM.
I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST WANT
TO KNOW,
ARE YOU INTO HIM
AS A LESBIAN
OR A MAN?
MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL YOURSELF
A TRISEXUAL.
DAMN.
WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE
AND YOUR NEED
TO TAKE APART EVERYTHING
AND PROCESS EACH
LITTLE DETAIL?
IF THE DUDE
WANTS TO GIVE UP
HIS WHITE MAN RIGHTS TO BE
A SECOND-CLASS CITIZEN,
THEN HEY, WELCOME TO OUR WORLD.
OKAY, SHE'S GOT A POINT.
I'M SORRY. IT'S TRUE.
CHEERS.
WELCOME TO THE FOLD.
WELCOME.
WELCOME TO THE
HEAVENLY GATES.
FIRST MESSAGE.
[ TINA ]: BABY?
GOD, I'M REALLY
FLIPPING OUT RIGHT NOW.
SOMETHING HORRIBLE
JUST HAPPENED.
I JUST...
I REALLY NEED
TO TALK TO YOU.
[ BETTE ]: HI.
IT'S BETTE & TINA'S.
LEAVE A MESSAGE
AFTER THE BEEP.
[ AUTOMATED VOICE ]: THE MAILBOX
YOU ARE TRYING TO ACCESS
IS FULL.
PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER.
YEAH, HI, ROGER.
YEAH, IT'S ME, BETTE.
DID KIT SAY
WHAT THE EMERGENCY WAS?
HOW LONG AGO DID TINA CALL?
OKAY. ALL RIGHT. THANKS.
I NEED TO GO TO
THE SOHO GRAND.
I CAN'T SLEEP.
ME NEITHER.
EVERYONE ELSE CAN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NO, DON'T.
STOP. WE CAN'T.
WHO SAYS?
[ PANTING ]
I'M FINDING THIS SEXY.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
WE HAVE TO BE
REALLY QUIET.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
SHIT. SHIT.
[ LAUGHING ]
GOD, IT'S NOT FUNNY.
[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC ]
[ ♪♪ ]
YOU MISSED YOUR LEFT TURN.
MAKE A U-TURN AT THE LIGHT.
DON'T LISTEN
TO THAT BITCH.
JUST GO STRAIGHT.
ARE YOU SURE?
HOW ARE YOU
FEELING, MALCOLM?
I WISH I WAS TIM.
HE'S SUCH
A LUCKY GUY,
GETTING ALL THOSE
GIFTS FROM YOU.
IF ONLY YOU KNEW,
MALCOLM.
HELLO, THIS IS BETTE PORTER.
OH, PEGGY.
I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN...
I DIDN'T MEAN TO WAKE YOU.
WELL, SOMETHING HAS COME UP,
AND I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE
TO MAKE IT
TO YOUR DINNER TONIGHT.
I'M SORRY.
NO, I'M ON MY WAY
TO LOS ANGELES RIGHT NOW.
I KNOW YOU DID.
I'M REALLY...
I'M VERY, VERY SORRY.
MY...
MY, UH, PARTNER AND I
ARE HAVING A BABY,
AND SHE'S 11 WEEKS PREGNANT,
AND I'M JUST WORRIED
THAT SOMETHING
MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED TO HER.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.
[ SIGHS ]
[ BETTE ]: HI.
IT'S BETTE & TINA'S.
LEAVE A MESSAGE
AFTER THE BEEP.
THE MAILBOX
YOU ARE TRYING TO ACCESS
IS FULL.
PLEASE TRY AGAIN
LATER.
[ KNOCKING ]
IT COULD BE HER.
TINA? MARCUS.
TINA, I'M SO SORRY.
I HAD NO IDEA
LEI LENG WOULD BE SO UPSET.
I SHOULD HAVE JUST WAITED
AND CALLED YOU.
WELL, SHE'S
CALMED DOWN NOW,
BUT I TOLD HER
NOT TO PHONE YOU AGAIN.
PROMISE.
AND I TRIED
TO CALL YOU,
BUT YOUR VOICE MAILBOX
IS FULL.
OH, SHIT. YEAH.
OKAY.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
TAKE CARE. BYE-BYE.
I'M SO GLAD
YOU DROPPED BY.
THANKS.
OH, GOD.
OH, SHIT.
THE PHONE'S STILL UNPLUGGED.
THIS IS LEI LENG--
LISTEN, LADY--
IF YOU THINK--
THIS IS LEI LENG--
I WON'T BE IGNORED--
WHAT A PSYCHO.
END OF MESSAGES.
BETTE DIDN'T CALL...
HI. THIS IS BETTE.
YOU CAN LEAVE A MESSAGE FOR ME
HERE,
OR TRY ME AT THE C.A.C.
AND HER CELL PHONE'S
NOT ANSWERING.
CALL HER HOTEL.
OH.
BETTE PORTER, PLEASE.
WHAT?
ARE YOU SURE?
UM...
OKAY.
SHE CHECKED OUT.
THAT'S SO WEIRD.
WHERE'S SHE GOING TO GO?
I MEAN,
SHE HAD TO SLEEP SOMEWHERE.
NO, NO, NO.
I'M SURE IT'S FINE.
YOU KNOW,
SHE'S GOT A MILLION
THINGS, AND...
YOU KNOW,
MAYBE SHE DIDN'T
LIKE THE SHEETS
AT THE HOTEL
OR SOMETHING,
RIGHT?
YEAH. THAT'S PROBABLY IT.
IT'S NOTHING.
YAY!
MAMA'S HOME!
ARE YOU OKAY?
YEAH.
IS THE BABY OKAY?
YEAH, THE BABY'S FINE.
EVERYTHING'S FINE.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I WAS SO WORRIED.
YOU LEFT ALL
THESE MESSAGES,
AND THEN I COULDN'T
REACH YOU.
SO YOU GOT ON A PLANE
AND YOU FLEW ALL THE WAY HOME?
I WAS WORRIED.
SO WHAT HAPPENED?
THERE WAS THIS
CRAZY WOMAN,
AND...
MARCUS ALLENWOOD'S
GIRLFRIEND.
SHE WAS AT THE
CHINESE HERBALIST,
AND SHE COMPLETELY
FREAKED OUT ON ME,
AND...
I COULDN'T
HANDLE IT.
I CAME HOME
ALL THE WAY FROM NEW YORK.
I'M SO SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
BETTE, SO, HOW
WAS NEW YORK?
IT WAS, UM...
IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
I MEAN, IT SEEMED
LIKE ALL OF NEW YORK
KNEW THE STORY
ABOUT HOW I GRABBED
PROVOCATIONS
OUT FROM UNDER
MOCA'S NOSE.
I WAS, LIKE,
KIND OF A STAR.
YOU KNOW, PEGGY PEABODY
WAS THROWING A DINNER PARTY
FOR ME TONIGHT,
IN MY HONOR,
AND I WAS CULTIVATING
THIS MAJOR, MAJOR DONOR
THAT I WAS
HOPING TO GET
ON MY BOARD
OF DIRECTORS.
OH, AND NOW
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO BE THERE.
IT MUST BE
THE HORMONES.
I'M JUST...
I'M JUST RELIEVED
EVERYTHING'S OKAY.
THAT'S ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS.
I'M SORRY.
[ BLUESY POP MUSIC ]
[ ♪♪ ]
[ JENNY ]:
I'M OFFERING THESE GIFTS--
RARE GIFTS.
I KNOW
THAT THEY DON'T AMOUNT TO MUCH
IN THE FACE
OF WHAT YOU'VE GIVEN ME.
I'VE HEARD THESE ORGANS
CAN'T SURVIVE
OUTSIDE OF THE BODY
FOR MORE THAN A FEW HOURS,
BUT I'LL TRY TO GET THERE
AS SOON AS I CAN.
WHATEVER HAPPENS,
IT WILL BE ON ME,
ON MY HEART.
♪ TO FIND A WAY
TO FIND OUT ♪
♪ WHAT'S REALLY TRUE ♪
♪ I'D GIVE EVERYTHING
I'VE GOT ♪
♪ WOULDN'T GIVE IT
A SECOND THOUGHT ♪
♪ IF ONLY I COULD TRY
TO EXPLAIN ♪
♪ TO TRY TO EXPLAIN
THAT I WAS TOO DEAF ♪
♪ TO HEAR YOUR VOICE ♪
[ ♪♪ ]
♪ AND I FEEL LIKE
I HAVE NO CHOICE ♪
♪ AT ALL ♪
♪ AND IF THE ANSWER
IS NO ♪
♪ THE DISTANCE IS
TOO FAR TO GO ♪
♪ TOO LITTLE TOO LATE ♪
♪ I STILL WANT YOU
TO KNOW ♪
♪ I WISH THAT WAS ENOUGH
SOMEHOW ♪