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>> Lou: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S

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"JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!"

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TONIGHT ‐‐

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JASON BATEMAN.

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ASHLEY PARK.

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AND MUSIC FROM LAUFEY.

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AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!

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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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♪

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>> Jimmy: OH!

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WELL, HI, EVERYONE.

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HI, GUILLERMO.

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THANK YOU MUCH.

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HI, EVERYBODY.

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OH, VERY NICE.

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VERY KIND.

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I WELCOME YOU.

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THANKS.

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I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST.

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THANK YOU FOR JOINING US FROM

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OUR HEADQUARTERS HERE IN

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HOLLYWOOD WHERE ‐‐ YOU KNOW HOW

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IT FEELS LIKE THE WORLD COULD

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END AT ANY SECOND ALL THE TIME

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NOW?

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LIKE WE'RE THE LOUD MOUTH IN A

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HORROR MOVIE AND YOU KNOW IT'S

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COMING, YOU JUST DON'T KNOW

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WHEN?

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IF YOU DO, THIS ISN'T GOING TO

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MAKE YOU FEEL ANY BETTER.

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THIS MORNING IN CHICAGO, THEY

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GAVE THE ANNUAL UPDATE ON THE

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"DOOMSDAY CLOCK."

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THIS IS A CLOCK THAT IS SUPPOSED

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TO TELL US HOW CLOSE WE ARE TO

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THE END OF HUMAN LIFE ON PLANET

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EARTH.

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IT'S NOT A FUN CLOCK.

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IT'S NOT LIKE THE KIND OF CLOCK

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FLAVOR FLAV WOULD WEAR JAUNTILY

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AROUND HIS NECK.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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IT'S A DEATH CLOCK.

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THEY HAD THE YEARLY UNVEILING

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TODAY, AND THIS IS WHERE THINGS

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STAND APOCALYPSE‐WISE.

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>> TODAY, THE MEMBERS OF THE

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SCIENCE AND SECURITY BOARD DEEM

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THE WORLD TO BE NO SAFER THAN IT

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WAS LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME, AND

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THEREFORE HAVE DECIDED TO SET

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THE DOOMSDAY CLOCK AT 100

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SECONDS TO MIDNIGHT.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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>> Jimmy: IT'S KIND OF GOOD THAT

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IT'S STILL WHERE IT WAS LAST

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YEAR, RIGHT?

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BY THE WAY, I COMPLAINED ABOUT

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THIS LAST YEAR.

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IF YOU'RE GOING TO SPELL OUT

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DOOM, HOW ABOUT A BETTER CLOCK?

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THAT CLOCK HAS NO SECOND HAND!

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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THIS IS A CLOCK YOU WOULD BUY AT

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Z GALLERIE FOR $3 WITH A AAA

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BATTERY IN BACK OF IT.

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SHOULD BE HAPPY WE'RE ONLY ‐

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100 SECONDS TO MIDNIGHT.

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WITH ALL THAT'S GOING, COVID,

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INFLATION, DEMOCRACY ON THE

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VERGE OF COLLAPSE, A NEW SEASON

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OF "CHEER."

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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SOMEHOW WE'RE NO CLOSER TO THE

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END OF THE WORLD THAN WE WERE A

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YEAR AGO.

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TODAY MARKS ONE YEAR SINCE

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PRESIDENT BIDEN WAS SWORN INTO

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OFFICE.

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IT'S ALSO THE ONE‐YEAR

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ANNIVERSARY OF DONALD TRUMP

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SKIPPING THE INAUGURATION, LIKE

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IT WAS DON JR.'S BIRTHDAY PARTY

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OR SOMETHING.

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[ CHEERS ]

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ONE YEAR AGO TODAY,

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DONALD AND MELANIA BOARDED AIR

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FORCE ONE TO FLY HOME TO

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FLORIDA.

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AND THAT, WAS THE LAST TIME THEY

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SAW EACH OTHER.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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IT WAS ALSO A YEAR AGO TODAY

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THAT WE GATHERED AROUND OUR

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TELEVISIONS TO WATCH AS A

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79‐YEAR‐OLD MAN MADE AN HISTORIC

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STATEMENT.

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THAT STATEMENT BEING,

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MITTENS ARE IN.

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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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A FASHION STATEMENT.

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A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE DISAPPOINTED

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WITH PRESIDENT BIDEN.

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HIS APPROVAL RATING JUST REACHED

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A NEW LOW AFTER HIS PRESS

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CONFERENCE YESTERDAY.

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THE PRESS CONFERENCE WAS A

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SUCCESS IN THAT HE WENT NEARLY

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TWO HOURS WITHOUT HAVING TO PEE.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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BUT OTHERWISE, IT WASN'T GREAT.

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DONALD TRUMP OF COURSE WAS

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WATCHING.

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HE CAN'T TWEET ANYMORE, HE'S IN

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TIME‐OUT.

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SO HE WAS FORCED TO PUT OUT ONE

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OF THOSE STATEMENTS.

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AND THIS IS THE STATEMENT BY

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DONALD TRUMP, 45th PRESIDENT OF

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THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

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HE WROTE, "HOW COME BIDEN PICKS

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A REPORTER OFF A LIST, IN ALL

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CASES SOFTBALL QUESTIONS.

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AND THEN READS THE ANSWER?

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I WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN ALLOWED

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TO GET AWAY WITH THAT, NOR WOULD

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I HAVE TO!"

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HE RELEASED THIS WHILE BIDEN WAS

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IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PRESS

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CONFERENCE.pHE REALLY IS THE WO

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CRAZIEST EX.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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BASICALLY, BIDEN IS

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PETE DAVIDSON.

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AMERICA IS KIM KARDASHIAN.

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AND TRUMP IS A CHUBBY ORANGE

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KANYE.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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AND THE IDEA THAT THIS ‐‐ I

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NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO

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GET AWAY WITH IT?

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HE GOT AWAY WITH EVERYTHING.

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HE SHARPIED HIS OWN WEATHER ON A

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MAP, OKAY?

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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THERE'S NOTHING HE DIDN'T GET

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AWAY WITH.

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BUT NOW HE'S JUST ANOTHER OLD

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MAN IN FLORIDA COMPLAINING ABOUT

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THINGS HE SEES ON TV.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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I WOULD LIKE HIM TO MAKE A

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STATEMENT ABOUT EVERYTHING HE

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SEES ON TV.

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FOR INSTANCE, IF YOUR FAVORITE

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BELOVED PRESIDENT HAD NOT BEEN

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PERSECUTED AND TREATED VERY

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BADLY AFTER THE SHAM ELECTION,

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SPONGEBOB WOULD LIVE IN A BIG,

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BEAUTIFUL AND HUGE PINEAPPLE ON

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THE LAND!

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LAND IS BETTER!

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SEA IS WET.

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SAD!

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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[ APPLAUSE ]

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THE BOBBLEHEADS OVER AT FOX NEWS

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HAD A LOT OF FUN WITH THE PRESS

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CONFERENCE YESTERDAY.

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HERE'S THE COMEDY TEAM OF

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HANNITY AND INGRAHAM WITH THEIR

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IN‐DEPTH AND UNBIASED ANALYSIS

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OF WHEN BIDEN MEET THE PRESS.

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>> IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.

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OH MY GOD.

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IT WAS ‐‐ IT WAS ABOUT THE WORST

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AS I CAN REMEMBER FROM A

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PRESIDENT, FRANKLY.

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>> I HONESTLY AS AN AMERICAN,

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AND I DON'T SAY THIS WITH ANY

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JOY.

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I FELT EMBARRASSED.

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IT'S HUMILIATING.

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>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT MADE YOU

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EMBARRASSED?

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THAT'S THE WORST YOU CAN

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REMEMBER?

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[ LAUGHTER ]

191
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I GUESS MAYBE YOU FORGOT ABOUT

192
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THIS.

193
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>> WHAT DO YOU SAY TO AMERICANS

194
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WATCHING YOU RIGHT NOW WHO ARE

195
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SCARED?

196
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>> I SAY THAT YOU'RE A TERRIBLE

197
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REPORTER.

198
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THIS SLEAZY GUY RIGHT OVER HERE

199
00:04:52,635 --> 00:04:55,104
FROM ABC, HE'S A SLEAZE, MY

200
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BOOK.

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YOU'RE A SLEAZE.

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YOU SHOULD SAY CONGRATULATIONS,

203
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GREAT JOB.

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INSTEAD OF BEING SO HORRID IN

205
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THE WAY YOU ASK A QUESTION.

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YOU SHOULD BE THANKING THEM FOR

207
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WHAT THEY'VE DONE, NOT ALWAYS

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ASKING WISEGUY QUESTIONS.

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WHAT A STUPID QUESTION THAT IS.

210
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WHAT A STUPID QUESTION.

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STUPID, STUPID QUESTION.

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STUPID QUESTION.

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YOU DON'T HAVE THE BRAINS YOU

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WERE BORN WITH.

215
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THAT'S OKAY, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT

216
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THINKING, YOU NEVER DO.

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>> I'M SORRY.

218
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>> NO, GO AHEAD.

219
00:05:21,431 --> 00:05:22,632
>> THE PRESIDENT OF FINLAND, ASK

220
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HIM A QUESTION.

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>> DID YOU HEAR ME?

222
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ASK HIM A QUESTION.

223
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ASK THIS GENTLEMAN A QUESTION.

224
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DON'T BE RUDE.

225
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YOU ARE A RUDE, TERRIBLE PERSON.

226
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YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF

227
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YOURSELF.

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YOU'RE A THIRD‐RATE REPORTER.

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A QUESTION LIKE THAT IS JUST

230
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FAKE NEWS.

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YOU'RE JUST A FAKER.

232
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YOU ARE THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE.

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QUIET, QUIET, QUIET, QUIET,

234
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QUIET, QUIET, QUIET, QUIET.

235
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SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.

236
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>> NO, I'M ‐‐

237
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>> SIT DOWN.

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LOOK, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

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BE NICE.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

241
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[ APPLAUSE ]

242
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>> Jimmy: NOT EMBARRASSING AT

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ALL.

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THAT'S BEING BEST.

245
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MEANWHILE, THE LEGAL WOES FOR

246
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TRUMP ARE PILING UP.

247
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I MENTIONED LAST NIGHT, THE

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ATTORNEY GENERAL OF NEW YORK

249
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SAYS SHE HAS EVIDENCE THAT THE

250
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TRUMP ORGANIZATION ENGAGED IN A

251
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PATTERN OF DECEPTION.

252
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AND TODAY WE LEARNED THAT THE

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DISTRICT ATTORNEY IN

254
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FULTON COUNTY, GEORGIA, HAS

255
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REQUESTED A SPECIAL GRAND JURY

256
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TO LOOK INTO HIS POST‐ELECTION

257
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SHENANIGANS THERE.

258
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ON TOP OF THAT, THE SUPREME

259
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COURT CLEARED THE WAY FOR THE

260
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SPECIAL COMMITTEE LOOKING INTO

261
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THE INSURRECTION TO REVIEW

262
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700 PAGES OF DOCUMENTS TRUMP

263
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WANTED KEPT SECRET.

264
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AND WE GOT AN UPDATE FROM

265
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CONGRESS TODAY ON WHAT TRUMP WAS

266
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DOING BEHIND CLOSED DOORS IN THE

267
00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:29,699
LEAD‐UP TO JANUARY 6th.

268
00:06:29,699 --> 00:06:31,701
ACCORDING TO HIS FORMER PRESS

269
00:06:31,701 --> 00:06:32,669
SECRETARY, TRUMP HELD SECRET,

270
00:06:32,669 --> 00:06:33,703
"OFF‐THE‐BOOK" MEETINGS IN THE

271
00:06:33,703 --> 00:06:37,106
WHITE HOUSE RESIDENCE.

272
00:06:37,106 --> 00:06:37,740
IN THE PART OF THE HOUSE WHERE

273
00:06:37,740 --> 00:06:40,109
HE LIVES.

274
00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:40,810
STEPHANIE GRISHAM SAID THE

275
00:06:40,810 --> 00:06:41,511
ATTENDEES AT THESE SECRET

276
00:06:41,511 --> 00:06:43,079
MEETINGS WERE BROUGHT IN BY THE

277
00:06:43,079 --> 00:06:43,713
WHITE HOUSE USHER, A MAN NAMED

278
00:06:43,713 --> 00:06:46,482
TIMOTHY HARLETH.

279
00:06:46,482 --> 00:06:48,017
THEY WERE NOT ENTERED INTO THE

280
00:06:48,017 --> 00:06:49,285
OFFICIAL RECORD, WHICH COULD

281
00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:53,022
MEAN THAT TIMOTHY HARLETH WOULD

282
00:06:53,022 --> 00:06:53,856
BE SUBPOENAED BY THE ECONOMY,

283
00:06:53,856 --> 00:06:55,525
WHICH WOULD BE A BIG DEAL FOR A

284
00:06:55,525 --> 00:06:58,261
GUY WHOSE ONLY JOB ON THE THE

285
00:06:58,261 --> 00:06:58,895
WHITE HOUSE SEEMED TO BE, WHAT

286
00:06:58,895 --> 00:06:59,963
COMES UP ON GOOGLE IMAGES WHEN

287
00:06:59,963 --> 00:07:01,230
YOU SEARCH HIS NAME, PICKING THE

288
00:07:01,230 --> 00:07:02,298
WHITE HOUSE CHRISTMAS TREE.

289
00:07:02,298 --> 00:07:02,899
YOU CAN SEE HE'S HERE MAKING

290
00:07:02,899 --> 00:07:06,602
SURE THE TREE IS GREEN.

291
00:07:06,602 --> 00:07:09,839
GETTING INPUT FROM THE LOCALS.

292
00:07:09,839 --> 00:07:12,709
AND THEN HE PICKED THE WINNER

293
00:07:12,709 --> 00:07:14,177
GAVE IT A LITTLE AMERICAN BOW.

294
00:07:14,177 --> 00:07:15,878
THERE IS ONE OTHER PHOTO OF

295
00:07:15,878 --> 00:07:16,879
TIMOTHY, LIGHTING A CANDLE AT

296
00:07:16,879 --> 00:07:17,680
THE MOST EMBARRASSING

297
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:18,648
WHITE HOUSE MEAL OF ALL TIME.

298
00:07:18,648 --> 00:07:19,449
[ LAUGHTER ]

299
00:07:19,449 --> 00:07:20,383
THAT COULD BE THE GUY WHO BRINGS

300
00:07:20,383 --> 00:07:23,252
TRUMP DOWN.

301
00:07:23,252 --> 00:07:23,486
TIMOTHY!

302
00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:26,689
A SOLDIER IN THE WAR ON

303
00:07:26,689 --> 00:07:27,457
CHRISTMAS COULD BE THE GUY TO DO

304
00:07:27,457 --> 00:07:27,657
THIS.

305
00:07:27,657 --> 00:07:27,957
[ LAUGHTER ]

306
00:07:27,957 --> 00:07:28,992
WE WILL SEE.

307
00:07:28,992 --> 00:07:30,360
AND WHILE THEIR LAST ATTEMPT TO

308
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:31,094
STEAL AN ELECTION MAY HAVE

309
00:07:31,094 --> 00:07:32,061
FAILED, REPUBLICANS AND A COUPLE

310
00:07:32,061 --> 00:07:33,863
OF DEMOCRATS IN THE SENATE,

311
00:07:33,863 --> 00:07:34,597
MANCHIN AND SINEMA, ARE DOING

312
00:07:34,597 --> 00:07:35,331
EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO MAKE SURE

313
00:07:35,331 --> 00:07:36,833
THE NEXT ONE DOESN'T.

314
00:07:36,833 --> 00:07:38,067
YESTERDAY, THEY BLOCKED A VOTING

315
00:07:38,067 --> 00:07:39,335
RIGHTS BILL THAT, IF PASSED,

316
00:07:39,335 --> 00:07:42,305
WOULD HAVE OUTLAWED

317
00:07:42,305 --> 00:07:42,939
DISCRIMINATION AGAINST MINORITY

318
00:07:42,939 --> 00:07:47,410
VOTERS AND MADE IT EASIER IN

319
00:07:47,410 --> 00:07:48,011
GENERAL FOR ALL OF US TO VOTE.

320
00:07:48,011 --> 00:07:48,478
REPUBLICANS WANT TO ADD

321
00:07:48,478 --> 00:07:51,647
RESTRICTIONS TO VOTING BECAUSE

322
00:07:51,647 --> 00:07:54,117
THEY'RE WORRIED ABOUT VOTER

323
00:07:54,117 --> 00:07:56,419
FRAUD, EVEN THOUGH IT'S ALMOST

324
00:07:56,419 --> 00:07:58,121
COMPLETELY NONEXISTENT, VOTER

325
00:07:58,121 --> 00:07:58,321
FRAUD.

326
00:07:58,321 --> 00:07:59,889
YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU GUYS BELIEVE

327
00:07:59,889 --> 00:08:01,190
CLIMATE CHANGE IS NONE HIGH

328
00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:02,425
EXISTENT, RIGHT?

329
00:08:02,425 --> 00:08:03,026
HOW ABOUT COMING UP WITH SOME

330
00:08:03,026 --> 00:08:04,560
RESTRICTIONS FOR THAT?

331
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:05,094
LET'S COMPROMISE ON THIS.

332
00:08:05,094 --> 00:08:06,295
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

333
00:08:06,295 --> 00:08:07,330
AFTER THE VOTE, SENATOR

334
00:08:07,330 --> 00:08:08,031
MITCH McCONNELL POKED HIS LITTLE

335
00:08:08,031 --> 00:08:08,631
OLD HEAD OUT OF HIS SHELL TO

336
00:08:08,631 --> 00:08:09,265
ACCIDENTALLY SAY WHAT HE REALLY

337
00:08:09,265 --> 00:08:13,469
MEANS.

338
00:08:13,469 --> 00:08:14,670
>> WHAT'S YOUR MESSAGE FOR

339
00:08:14,670 --> 00:08:17,707
VOTERS OF COLOR WHO ARE

340
00:08:17,707 --> 00:08:18,908
CONCERNED THAT WITHOUT THE

341
00:08:18,908 --> 00:08:20,309
VOTING RIGHTS ACT THEY'RE NOT

342
00:08:20,309 --> 00:08:21,978
GOING TO BE ABLE TO VOTE IN THE

343
00:08:21,978 --> 00:08:22,211
MIDTERM?

344
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:23,679
>> THE CONCERN IS MISPLACED.

345
00:08:23,679 --> 00:08:25,481
IF YOU LOOK AT THE STATISTICS,

346
00:08:25,481 --> 00:08:26,482
AFRICAN AMERICAN VOTERS ARE

347
00:08:26,482 --> 00:08:27,083
VOTING IN JUST AS HIGH

348
00:08:27,083 --> 00:08:28,251
PERCENTAGE AS AMERICANS.

349
00:08:28,251 --> 00:08:32,555
[ LAUGHTER ]

350
00:08:32,555 --> 00:08:34,190
>> Jimmy: HE MEANS "REGULAR"

351
00:08:34,190 --> 00:08:34,457
AMERICANS.

352
00:08:34,457 --> 00:08:37,460
THE PINK ONES LIKE HIM.

353
00:08:37,460 --> 00:08:40,696
MEANWHILE, IN TEXAS, THERE'S A

354
00:08:40,696 --> 00:08:43,332
WINTER STORM WARNING IN EFFECT

355
00:08:43,332 --> 00:08:44,700
IN TEXAS WITH POSSIBLE ICE

356
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:45,168
STORMS.

357
00:08:45,168 --> 00:08:47,737
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

358
00:08:47,737 --> 00:08:50,606
IT'S TIME TO PACK YOUR JANSPORT,

359
00:08:50,606 --> 00:08:51,541
SENATOR CRUZ!

360
00:08:51,541 --> 00:08:51,841
[ APPLAUSE ]

361
00:08:51,841 --> 00:08:53,276
YOU'RE GOING TO CANCUN!

362
00:08:53,276 --> 00:08:54,677
I HAVE A FEELING HE'LL NEVER

363
00:08:54,677 --> 00:08:56,913
TRAVEL TO MEXICO AGAIN.

364
00:08:56,913 --> 00:08:57,213
[ LAUGHTER ]

365
00:08:57,213 --> 00:08:58,281
THIS IS A CRAZY VIDEO, SPEAKING

366
00:08:58,281 --> 00:09:00,416
OF THE COLD.

367
00:09:00,416 --> 00:09:00,950
THIS IS FROM HUNTINGTON,

368
00:09:00,950 --> 00:09:01,584
WEST VIRGINIA, WHERE A REPORTER

369
00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:02,185
NAMED TORI YORGEY SHOWED JUST

370
00:09:02,185 --> 00:09:03,653
HOW DANGEROUS BREAKING NEWS CAN

371
00:09:03,653 --> 00:09:05,321
BE.

372
00:09:05,321 --> 00:09:07,523
>> NOW WE'RE STARTING TO

373
00:09:07,523 --> 00:09:08,925
EXPERIENCE, UNFORTUNATELY, IN

374
00:09:08,925 --> 00:09:11,994
FREEZE‐THAW WE SEE THIS, WATER

375
00:09:11,994 --> 00:09:15,198
MAIN BREAKS.

376
00:09:15,198 --> 00:09:17,033
>> OH MY GOSH, I JUST GOT HIT BY

377
00:09:17,033 --> 00:09:18,301
A CAR, I'M OKAY.

378
00:09:18,301 --> 00:09:21,337
I JUST GOT HIT BY A CAR BUT I'M

379
00:09:21,337 --> 00:09:21,537
OKAY.

380
00:09:21,537 --> 00:09:23,106
>> THAT'S A FIRST FOR LIVE TV.

381
00:09:23,106 --> 00:09:24,307
>> I'M OKAY.

382
00:09:24,307 --> 00:09:25,141
YEAH, YOU KNOW THAT'S LIVE TV

383
00:09:25,141 --> 00:09:25,842
FOR YOU.

384
00:09:25,842 --> 00:09:26,642
IT'S ALL GOOD.

385
00:09:26,642 --> 00:09:28,377
I ACTUALLY GOT HIT BY A CAR IN

386
00:09:28,377 --> 00:09:29,145
COLLEGE TOO, JUST LIKE THAT.

387
00:09:29,145 --> 00:09:35,051
>> WOW.

388
00:09:35,051 --> 00:09:36,085
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE.

389
00:09:36,085 --> 00:09:37,620
>> Jimmy: WEIRDLY, IT WAS THE

390
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,088
SAME GUY, SAME CAR.

391
00:09:39,088 --> 00:09:41,557
HE'S BEEN HUNTING HER AWHILE.

392
00:09:41,557 --> 00:09:43,159
WELL DONE, IF SHE DOESN'T GET

393
00:09:43,159 --> 00:09:44,527
EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH, NOBODY

394
00:09:44,527 --> 00:09:45,728
SHOULD EVER.

395
00:09:45,728 --> 00:09:46,195
[ LAUGHTER ]

396
00:09:46,195 --> 00:09:46,963
TIM DIDN'T CARE AT ALL.

397
00:09:46,963 --> 00:09:47,597
TIM WAS ALMOST UNRESPONSIVE.

398
00:09:47,597 --> 00:09:50,133
[ LAUGHTER ]

399
00:09:50,133 --> 00:09:52,468
WE'RE ALL GETTING HIT WITH COVID

400
00:09:52,468 --> 00:09:53,069
RIGHT NOW.

401
00:09:53,069 --> 00:09:53,569
MAJOR BREAKTHROUGHS ARE

402
00:09:53,569 --> 00:09:59,142
HAPPENING EVERY DAY.

403
00:09:59,142 --> 00:10:01,544
RESEARCHERS AT YALE UNIVERSITY

404
00:10:01,544 --> 00:10:03,212
HAVE INVENTED A WEARABLE DEVICE.

405
00:10:03,212 --> 00:10:07,283
YOU CLIP IT ON YOUR CLOTHES, IT

406
00:10:07,283 --> 00:10:07,917
DETECTS IF THERE'S COVID IN THE

407
00:10:07,917 --> 00:10:08,718
AIR AROUND YOU.

408
00:10:08,718 --> 00:10:09,418
THIS IS A RESEARCHER WEARING ONE

409
00:10:09,418 --> 00:10:09,886
OF THE DEVICES.

410
00:10:09,886 --> 00:10:10,486
IT'S THAT LITTLE GREEN THING

411
00:10:10,486 --> 00:10:11,187
CLIPPED TO HIS COLLAR.

412
00:10:11,187 --> 00:10:11,821
AND WHEN IT DETECTS COVID, THIS

413
00:10:11,821 --> 00:10:15,958
SYMBOL COMES UP.

414
00:10:15,958 --> 00:10:16,259
[ LAUGHTER ]

415
00:10:16,259 --> 00:10:17,326
I GUESS ‐‐ YOU RUN?

416
00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:17,860
I DON'T KNOW.

417
00:10:17,860 --> 00:10:18,628
BAD NEWS, DUDE, I TESTED ROGAN.

418
00:10:18,628 --> 00:10:19,395
[ LAUGHTER ]

419
00:10:19,395 --> 00:10:20,163
ACCORDING TO A NEW STUDY, ABOUT

420
00:10:20,163 --> 00:10:21,397
HALF OF AMERICANS GAINED WEIGHT

421
00:10:21,397 --> 00:10:21,998
DURING THE FIRST YEAR OF THE

422
00:10:21,998 --> 00:10:23,699
PANDEMIC.

423
00:10:23,699 --> 00:10:25,668
NO KIDDING.

424
00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,103
DID WE NEED A STUDY FOR THAT?

425
00:10:27,103 --> 00:10:27,670
[ LAUGHTER ]

426
00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:30,039
WE ALREADY HAD A WAY TO LEARN WE

427
00:10:30,039 --> 00:10:30,373
GAINED WEIGHT.

428
00:10:30,373 --> 00:10:31,641
IT'S CALLED OUR PANTS.

429
00:10:31,641 --> 00:10:31,941
[ LAUGHTER ]

430
00:10:31,941 --> 00:10:33,342
THEY SAY THE MOST LIKELY GROUP

431
00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:35,645
TO GAIN WEIGHT WAS MALES WHO

432
00:10:35,645 --> 00:10:36,345
WRE WHITE OR HISPANIC, MARRIED,

433
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:38,080
OVER THE AGE OF 45, HAVE A

434
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,482
FULL‐TIME JOB, AND LIVE IN

435
00:10:39,482 --> 00:10:40,783
WESTERN STATES.

436
00:10:40,783 --> 00:10:41,384
GUILLERMO, DO YOU KNOW ANYONE

437
00:10:41,384 --> 00:10:49,192
WHO FITS THAT DESCRIPTION?

438
00:10:49,192 --> 00:10:49,492
[ LAUGHTER ]

439
00:10:49,492 --> 00:10:49,992
>> Guillermo: NOBODY.

440
00:10:49,992 --> 00:10:50,560
>> Jimmy: I FEEL LIKE THEY

441
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:55,865
SPECIFICALLY ISOLATED US.

442
00:10:55,865 --> 00:10:56,499
WE WERE ALL THE THOUSAND POUND

443
00:10:56,499 --> 00:10:58,634
SISTERS DURING THE QUARANTINE.

444
00:10:58,634 --> 00:10:59,535
IT'S WHAT UNITES US.

445
00:10:59,535 --> 00:11:00,136
AND ONE MORE THING BEFORE WE

446
00:11:00,136 --> 00:11:00,770
BARREL AHEAD CARELESSLY.

447
00:11:00,770 --> 00:11:01,270
IT'S THURSDAY NIGHT.

448
00:11:01,270 --> 00:11:01,837
AND THAT MEANS IT'S TIME TO

449
00:11:01,837 --> 00:11:02,638
BLEEP AND BLUR THE BIG TV

450
00:11:02,638 --> 00:11:03,272
MOMENTS OF THE WEEK, WHETHER

451
00:11:03,272 --> 00:11:04,340
THEY NEED IT OR NOT.

452
00:11:04,340 --> 00:11:04,974
IT'S "THIS WEEK IN UNNECESSARY

453
00:11:04,974 --> 00:11:07,043
CENSORSHIP."

454
00:11:07,043 --> 00:11:14,217
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

455
00:11:14,217 --> 00:11:15,985
>> PRESIDENTS, THEIR [ BLEEP ]S

456
00:11:15,985 --> 00:11:16,552
GO UP AND DOWN.

457
00:11:16,552 --> 00:11:17,420
THE QUESTION IS WHAT DOES HE

458
00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:19,655
HAVE TO DO TO GET HIS BACK UP

459
00:11:19,655 --> 00:11:20,022
AGAIN?

460
00:11:20,022 --> 00:11:22,692
>> 95, AS HIGH AS 98% OF THE

461
00:11:22,692 --> 00:11:25,294
SCHOOLS IN AMERICA, ARE OPEN.

462
00:11:25,294 --> 00:11:27,230
[ BLEEP ].

463
00:11:27,230 --> 00:11:28,130
>> SHUCKS.

464
00:11:28,130 --> 00:11:31,300
MESSES ARE EVERYWHERE.

465
00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:32,235
WHETHER HALF THE SNACK IS UNDER

466
00:11:32,235 --> 00:11:33,469
THE TABLE OR ME TAKING A

467
00:11:33,469 --> 00:11:35,171
[ BLEEP ] ON THE TANK, COME ON,

468
00:11:35,171 --> 00:11:35,338
NOW!

469
00:11:35,338 --> 00:11:39,141
>> A PASTOR IN OKLAHOMA WHO ONCE

470
00:11:39,141 --> 00:11:43,546
SOLD A SERVICE TO PRAY AWAY

471
00:11:43,546 --> 00:11:47,516
COINDIVIDUAL IS POLL VAPOLOGIZIG

472
00:11:47,516 --> 00:11:50,453
FOR RUBBING HIS [ BLEEP ] IN THE

473
00:11:50,453 --> 00:11:51,354
EYE.

474
00:11:51,354 --> 00:11:52,888
>> LYRICS SAYING, GOD SAVE ME

475
00:11:52,888 --> 00:11:55,558
FROM THE CRASH JUST SO I CAN

476
00:11:55,558 --> 00:11:57,660
BLOOET PETE DAVIDSON'S ASS.

477
00:11:57,660 --> 00:12:00,329
>> A RESTAURANT SHUT DOWN FOR A

478
00:12:00,329 --> 00:12:02,498
FEW DAYS BECAUSE IT WAS

479
00:12:02,498 --> 00:12:03,432
ACCEPTING [ BLEEP ] PHOTOS

480
00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:04,500
INSTEAD OF PROOF OF VACCINATION.

481
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:06,302
>> WE LOVE YOU, WE'RE SO

482
00:12:06,302 --> 00:12:07,603
THANKFUL WE'RE HERE IN ARIZONA.

483
00:12:07,603 --> 00:12:08,337
WHEN I'M ELECTED WE WILL

484
00:12:08,337 --> 00:12:08,938
[ BLEEP ] YOUR BIG, BEAUTIFUL

485
00:12:08,938 --> 00:12:12,174
[ BLEEP ].

486
00:12:12,174 --> 00:12:13,542
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

487
00:12:13,542 --> 00:12:14,777
>> Jimmy: WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW

488
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:15,511
FOR YOU TONIGHT.

489
00:12:15,511 --> 00:12:18,581
FROM "EMILY IN PARIS,"

490
00:12:18,581 --> 00:12:19,015
ASHLEY PARK IS HERE.

491
00:12:19,015 --> 00:12:19,548
WE HAVE MUSIC FROM LAUFEY.

492
00:12:19,548 --> 00:12:20,149
AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH

493
00:12:20,149 --> 00:12:22,285
JASON BATEMAN.

494
00:12:28,424 --> 00:12:30,726
>> Jimmy: TONIGHT, FROM "EMILY

495
00:12:30,726 --> 00:12:31,227
IN PARIS" ON NETFLIX,

496
00:12:31,227 --> 00:12:32,795
ASHLEY PARK IS WITH US.

497
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:34,196
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

498
00:12:34,196 --> 00:12:34,764
THEN LATER, A VERY TALENTED

499
00:12:34,764 --> 00:12:35,765
SINGER AND SONGWRITER, SHE IS

500
00:12:35,765 --> 00:12:40,069
FROM ICELAND.

501
00:12:40,069 --> 00:12:40,670
HER EP IS CALLED "TYPICAL OF

502
00:12:40,670 --> 00:12:41,971
ME," MUSIC FROM LAUFEY.

503
00:12:41,971 --> 00:12:45,074
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

504
00:12:45,074 --> 00:12:47,643
NEXT WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS

505
00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:50,046
WITH KRISTEN BELL,

506
00:12:50,046 --> 00:12:52,748
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, HAS THE NEW

507
00:12:52,748 --> 00:12:54,216
"JACKASS" MOVIE COMING OUT,

508
00:12:54,216 --> 00:12:55,251
CHARLIE DAY WILL BE WITH US,

509
00:12:55,251 --> 00:12:57,119
JAKE TAPPER FROM CNN, IKE

510
00:12:57,119 --> 00:12:57,953
BARINHOLTZ, LADY GAGA.

511
00:12:57,953 --> 00:12:59,822
WITH MUSIC FROM ERIC BELLINGER,

512
00:12:59,822 --> 00:13:01,257
AND IAN DIOR FEATURING

513
00:13:01,257 --> 00:13:02,992
MACHINE GUN KELLY AND

514
00:13:02,992 --> 00:13:04,794
TRAVIS BARKER.

515
00:13:04,794 --> 00:13:06,362
PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT.

516
00:13:06,362 --> 00:13:06,862
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

517
00:13:06,862 --> 00:13:07,330
OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN

518
00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:08,264
EMMY‐WINNING ACTOR AND DIRECTOR

519
00:13:08,264 --> 00:13:08,831
WHO STARTED OUT AS A CHILD

520
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:09,031
ACTOR.

521
00:13:09,031 --> 00:13:09,665
AND ON HIS 18th BIRTHDAY BECAME

522
00:13:09,665 --> 00:13:10,366
AN ADULT ACTOR.

523
00:13:10,366 --> 00:13:11,200
[ LAUGHTER ]

524
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,669
YOU CAN SEE HIM PLAY THE WORLD'S

525
00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:14,804
MOST LIKABLE MONEY‐LAUNDERER ON

526
00:13:14,804 --> 00:13:15,371
THE 4th AND FINAL SEASON OF

527
00:13:15,371 --> 00:13:16,205
"OZARK."

528
00:13:16,205 --> 00:13:16,739
IT PREMIERES TOMORROW ON

529
00:13:16,739 --> 00:13:18,808
NETFLIX.

530
00:13:18,808 --> 00:13:23,245
PLEASE WELCOME JASON BATEMAN.

531
00:13:23,245 --> 00:13:23,746
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

532
00:13:23,746 --> 00:13:38,394
♪

533
00:13:38,394 --> 00:13:41,864
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU?

534
00:13:41,864 --> 00:13:44,333
>> I'M GOING TO SAY, I DON'T ‐‐

535
00:13:44,333 --> 00:13:48,037
I DON'T ‐‐ THIS ‐‐ MOTHER.

536
00:13:48,037 --> 00:13:50,339
I DON'T MISS THE MAGIC ELEVATOR

537
00:13:50,339 --> 00:13:51,874
THAT YOU MADE US ALL COME OUT

538
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:52,041
OF.

539
00:13:52,041 --> 00:13:52,808
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH.

540
00:13:52,808 --> 00:13:53,943
>> FOR WAY TOO LONG.

541
00:13:53,943 --> 00:13:55,010
>> Jimmy: WE GOT RID OF THAT

542
00:13:55,010 --> 00:13:56,212
WEIRD FAKE ELEVATOR, YEAH.

543
00:13:56,212 --> 00:13:57,813
>> WAS THAT YOUR IDEA?

544
00:13:57,813 --> 00:13:58,214
>> Jimmy: NO.

545
00:13:58,214 --> 00:13:58,981
>> YOU DIDN'T SEE IT?

546
00:13:58,981 --> 00:13:59,615
>> Jimmy: I NEVER CAME THROUGH

547
00:13:59,615 --> 00:14:01,217
IT MYSELF.

548
00:14:01,217 --> 00:14:03,686
>> YOU SAW IT EVERY NIGHT.

549
00:14:03,686 --> 00:14:06,021
>> Jimmy: I DID SEE IT, YEAH.

550
00:14:06,021 --> 00:14:08,491
>> IT'S LIKE A BLIND SPOT FOR

551
00:14:08,491 --> 00:14:08,657
YOU.

552
00:14:08,657 --> 00:14:09,625
EVERYBODY ON THE SHOW, REMEMBER,

553
00:14:09,625 --> 00:14:11,927
A LITTLE BOX, A MAGIC DOOR ‐‐

554
00:14:11,927 --> 00:14:12,728
>> Jimmy: THEY HAVE NO IDEA.

555
00:14:12,728 --> 00:14:14,196
>> THERE WAS A CELEBRITY IN

556
00:14:14,196 --> 00:14:14,430
THERE.

557
00:14:14,430 --> 00:14:16,098
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.

558
00:14:16,098 --> 00:14:16,732
>> CURTAINS PEOPLE COME OUT

559
00:14:16,732 --> 00:14:17,466
FROM.

560
00:14:17,466 --> 00:14:18,367
JIMMY'S GOT AN ELEVATOR!

561
00:14:18,367 --> 00:14:21,604
YOU COME UP FROM MEN'S SHOES OR

562
00:14:21,604 --> 00:14:21,871
SOMETHING.

563
00:14:21,871 --> 00:14:22,171
[ LAUGHTER ]

564
00:14:22,171 --> 00:14:22,838
>> Jimmy: THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE

565
00:14:22,838 --> 00:14:24,807
IT MAKES IT SOUND MUCH BETTER

566
00:14:24,807 --> 00:14:25,841
THAN IT ACTUALLY WAS.

567
00:14:25,841 --> 00:14:26,609
>> IT WAS INSANE.

568
00:14:26,609 --> 00:14:27,410
>> Jimmy: A REAL FRIEND WOULD

569
00:14:27,410 --> 00:14:28,144
HAVE TOLD ME THAT WHEN IT WAS

570
00:14:28,144 --> 00:14:28,411
HAPPENING.

571
00:14:28,411 --> 00:14:31,313
>> OH, GOD.

572
00:14:31,313 --> 00:14:32,148
WELL, IT'S OVER NOW.

573
00:14:32,148 --> 00:14:33,749
>> Jimmy: I DO WANT TO SAY THANK

574
00:14:33,749 --> 00:14:36,986
YOU TO YOU FOR APPEARING IN OUR

575
00:14:36,986 --> 00:14:38,387
LIVE PRESENTATION OF "THE FACTS

576
00:14:38,387 --> 00:14:38,821
OF LIFE" LAST MONTH.

577
00:14:38,821 --> 00:14:42,758
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

578
00:14:42,758 --> 00:14:43,359
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WAS LAST

579
00:14:43,359 --> 00:14:43,559
MONTH?

580
00:14:43,559 --> 00:14:44,059
THAT WAS LAST MONTH.

581
00:14:44,059 --> 00:14:44,927
>> THAT WAS LAST MONTH, A LONG

582
00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:45,528
TIME AGO.&

583
00:14:45,528 --> 00:14:45,961
THAT WAS A PLEASURE.

584
00:14:45,961 --> 00:14:49,165
THAT WAS SO FUN.

585
00:14:49,165 --> 00:14:49,732
THE WIGS I COULD HAVE DONE

586
00:14:49,732 --> 00:14:52,368
WITHOUT.

587
00:14:52,368 --> 00:14:54,804
BUT WE WERE ‐‐ THE THEORY THERE,

588
00:14:54,804 --> 00:14:56,505
RIGHT, WAS TO WEAR THE WIGS OF

589
00:14:56,505 --> 00:14:57,640
THE ‐‐ SO THAT YOU LOOK EXACTLY

590
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:58,874
LIKE THE PEOPLE THAT ACTUALLY

591
00:14:58,874 --> 00:14:59,975
DID THAT PARTICULAR EPISODE.

592
00:14:59,975 --> 00:15:01,343
>> Jimmy: YEAH, CLOSE ENOUGH.

593
00:15:01,343 --> 00:15:04,046
>> BUT THERE WAS NO TICKER ON

594
00:15:04,046 --> 00:15:04,647
THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN THAT

595
00:15:04,647 --> 00:15:06,749
SAYS "THESE ASININE WIGS ARE AN

596
00:15:06,749 --> 00:15:08,818
EFFORT TO AUTHENTICATE WHAT WE

597
00:15:08,818 --> 00:15:09,885
ARE TRYING TO DO."

598
00:15:09,885 --> 00:15:11,487
JUST LOOKED LIKE WE WERE GOING

599
00:15:11,487 --> 00:15:12,655
FOR A CHEAP JOKE.

600
00:15:12,655 --> 00:15:13,956
WHICH I'M NOT ABOVE DOING.

601
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:16,725
>> Jimmy: HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN

602
00:15:16,725 --> 00:15:18,661
WHAT'SING ON, ON YOUR HEAD

603
00:15:18,661 --> 00:15:18,994
TONIGHT THEN?

604
00:15:18,994 --> 00:15:20,262
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU.

605
00:15:20,262 --> 00:15:22,798
[ LAUGHTER ]

606
00:15:22,798 --> 00:15:25,067
YEAH, THIS IS ‐‐

607
00:15:25,067 --> 00:15:26,802
>> Jimmy: BATEMAN STORMS OFF!

608
00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:29,271
>> IT'S ALMOST A MULLET, ISN'T

609
00:15:29,271 --> 00:15:29,672
IT?

610
00:15:29,672 --> 00:15:31,173
>> Jimmy: YOUR HAIR GROWS LIKE

611
00:15:31,173 --> 00:15:31,874
"TEEN WOLF."

612
00:15:31,874 --> 00:15:33,509
>> YOU SHOULD SEE MY BUTTOCKS,

613
00:15:33,509 --> 00:15:34,877
IT'S A DISASTER.

614
00:15:34,877 --> 00:15:36,345
>> Jimmy: YOU AND YOUR BEST

615
00:15:36,345 --> 00:15:37,780
FRIEND, WILL ARNETT ‐‐ IS WILL

616
00:15:37,780 --> 00:15:39,315
YOUR BEST FRIEND?

617
00:15:39,315 --> 00:15:40,716
>> AH, IT'S ‐‐ I DON'T HAVE A

618
00:15:40,716 --> 00:15:43,085
LOT OF OPTIONS.

619
00:15:43,085 --> 00:15:46,222
[ LAUGHTER ]

620
00:15:46,222 --> 00:15:47,656
>> Jimmy: IS IT STILL LAIF

621
00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:47,890
GARRETT?

622
00:15:47,890 --> 00:15:50,292
>> YOU AND WILL AND SEAN ARE

623
00:15:50,292 --> 00:15:51,727
BATTLE FOR THE GOLD.

624
00:15:51,727 --> 00:15:52,761
>> Jimmy: WHOA, LISTEN, I'M

625
00:15:52,761 --> 00:15:54,864
GOING TO STEP IT UP, THEN.

626
00:15:54,864 --> 00:15:56,565
>> THE BAR'S NOT THAT HIGH.

627
00:15:56,565 --> 00:15:56,866
[ LAUGHTER ]

628
00:15:56,866 --> 00:15:58,534
>> Jimmy: YOU GUYS PLAY THESE

629
00:15:58,534 --> 00:16:00,836
TWO JOCKS, MEATHEADS FROM THE

630
00:16:00,836 --> 00:16:02,404
BOYS ACADEMY DOWN THE STREET,

631
00:16:02,404 --> 00:16:04,340
TIM AND DINK.

632
00:16:04,340 --> 00:16:05,374
WILL WAS DINK.

633
00:16:05,374 --> 00:16:06,575
I WILL TELL YOU SOMETHING.

634
00:16:06,575 --> 00:16:08,644
THE SHOW WAS REALLY FUNNY.

635
00:16:08,644 --> 00:16:09,678
BUT THE FUNNIEST PART OF THE

636
00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:11,013
SHOW WAS YOU GUYS SCREWING

637
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:12,548
AROUND DURING REHEARSALS THE

638
00:16:12,548 --> 00:16:13,716
WHOLE TIME LEADING UP.

639
00:16:13,716 --> 00:16:14,750
>> WILL AND I DIDN'T HAVE THAT

640
00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:16,452
MUCH TO DO SO WE TRIED TO KEEP

641
00:16:16,452 --> 00:16:17,620
EACH OTHER ENTERTAINED WHEN WE

642
00:16:17,620 --> 00:16:19,455
WERE IN THE BACKGROUND OF A FEW

643
00:16:19,455 --> 00:16:19,788
SHOTS.

644
00:16:19,788 --> 00:16:20,823
I THINK I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE

645
00:16:20,823 --> 00:16:21,724
GOING WITH THIS.

646
00:16:21,724 --> 00:16:22,825
>> Jimmy: YES, I AM GOING THERE.

647
00:16:22,825 --> 00:16:25,160
YOU GUYS SEEMED TO BE DOING A

648
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:26,262
SHOW WITHIN THE SHOW.

649
00:16:26,262 --> 00:16:30,799
AND WE HAVE A CLIP OF THAT HERE.

650
00:16:30,799 --> 00:16:32,268
>> I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

651
00:16:32,268 --> 00:16:32,801
BLAIR ENDED UP WITH KARL.

652
00:16:32,801 --> 00:16:42,778
TELL ME I'M DREAMING.

653
00:16:42,778 --> 00:16:43,345
>> THE LITTLE PRINCESS ‐‐

654
00:16:43,345 --> 00:16:43,646
[ LAUGHTER ]

655
00:16:43,646 --> 00:16:46,715
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

656
00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:47,683
>> Jimmy: AND CORRECT ME IF I

657
00:16:47,683 --> 00:16:49,118
HAVE ANY OF THIS WRONG.

658
00:16:49,118 --> 00:16:50,519
WILL HIT YOU PRETTY HARD, RIGHT?

659
00:16:50,519 --> 00:16:51,787
>> HIT ME PRETTY HARD, BECAUSE

660
00:16:51,787 --> 00:16:54,757
THE FILMING OF IT.HT, THAT WAS ‐

661
00:16:54,757 --> 00:16:56,225
IN REHEARSALS AN HOUR EARLIER,

662
00:16:56,225 --> 00:16:57,426
HE LIKE PUT ‐‐ WE'RE TRYING TO

663
00:16:57,426 --> 00:16:59,094
STAY IN THE SCENE IN CHARACTER.

664
00:16:59,094 --> 00:17:00,329
HE'S DINK, I'M WHATEVER THE HELL

665
00:17:00,329 --> 00:17:01,363
MY NAME WAS.

666
00:17:01,363 --> 00:17:01,797
>> Jimmy: TIM.

667
00:17:01,797 --> 00:17:02,631
>> TIM.

668
00:17:02,631 --> 00:17:03,632
HE'S GOT HIS HAND ON THE TABLE

669
00:17:03,632 --> 00:17:04,266
TALKING TO ME.

670
00:17:04,266 --> 00:17:06,101
I GOT SICK AND TIRED OF WATCHING

671
00:17:06,101 --> 00:17:07,503
HIM DO FAKE ACTING TO TRY TO

672
00:17:07,503 --> 00:17:09,138
STAY ANIMATED IN THE BACKGROUND.

673
00:17:09,138 --> 00:17:10,639
I JUST SMACKED THE CRAP OUT OF

674
00:17:10,639 --> 00:17:11,707
HIS HAND.

675
00:17:11,707 --> 00:17:12,775
BUT HE MOVED HIS HAND.

676
00:17:12,775 --> 00:17:13,943
I REALLY HURT MY HAND.

677
00:17:13,943 --> 00:17:15,411
HE THOUGHT THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST

678
00:17:15,411 --> 00:17:20,082
THING IN THE WORLD.

679
00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:20,683
SO THAT LITTLE IMPROV IS HIM

680
00:17:20,683 --> 00:17:21,317
SAYING, ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK

681
00:17:21,317 --> 00:17:22,017
HERE DOING FAKE ACTING WHAT ARE

682
00:17:22,017 --> 00:17:23,986
YOU GOING TO DO, HIT MY HAND

683
00:17:23,986 --> 00:17:24,887
AGAIN?

684
00:17:24,887 --> 00:17:25,321
GUESS WHAT, WHACK!

685
00:17:25,321 --> 00:17:28,657
I HIT YOU FIRST!

686
00:17:28,657 --> 00:17:30,025
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

687
00:17:30,025 --> 00:17:32,194
>> Jimmy: YOU GUYS, YOU AND SEAN

688
00:17:32,194 --> 00:17:33,696
HAYES AND WILL ARNETT HOST A

689
00:17:33,696 --> 00:17:38,133
VERY, VERY FUNNY PODCAST CALLED

690
00:17:38,133 --> 00:17:38,434
"SMARTLESS."

691
00:17:38,434 --> 00:17:38,934
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

692
00:17:38,934 --> 00:17:41,437
I SAW IT'S IN LIKE THE TOP 25

693
00:17:41,437 --> 00:17:42,571
PODCASTS IN THE WORLD THIS YEAR.

694
00:17:42,571 --> 00:17:44,907
>> ONE FUNNY EPISODE, IT WAS THE

695
00:17:44,907 --> 00:17:45,741
ONE YOU WERE ON.

696
00:17:45,741 --> 00:17:47,209
>> Jimmy: YEAH, NO, ALL THE

697
00:17:47,209 --> 00:17:48,110
EPISODES ARE FUNNY.

698
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,712
AND YOU'RE GOING ON A TOUR.

699
00:17:49,712 --> 00:17:50,713
WHAT CITIES ARE YOU GOING TO ON

700
00:17:50,713 --> 00:17:51,213
THIS TOUR?

701
00:17:51,213 --> 00:17:53,949
>> WE'RE GOING TO GO TO NEW

702
00:17:53,949 --> 00:17:57,786
YORK, CHICAGO, D. C., L. A.,

703
00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:59,755
BOSTON, AND MADISON, WISCONSIN.

704
00:17:59,755 --> 00:18:00,689
>> Jimmy: THESE ARE BIG

705
00:18:00,689 --> 00:18:01,256
THEATERS?

706
00:18:01,256 --> 00:18:04,393
>> THESE ARE LIKE 3,000‐SEAT

707
00:18:04,393 --> 00:18:05,094
PLACES, YES.

708
00:18:05,094 --> 00:18:06,028
>> Jimmy: YOU'LL BE THERE DOING

709
00:18:06,028 --> 00:18:06,695
THE PODCASTS?

710
00:18:06,695 --> 00:18:09,064
>> YEAH, NO, SO THIS IS WHAT ‐‐

711
00:18:09,064 --> 00:18:10,466
IT'S A REALLY DUMB IDEA.

712
00:18:10,466 --> 00:18:10,766
[ LAUGHTER ]

713
00:18:10,766 --> 00:18:12,668
THE WHOLE PODCAST ITSELF IS

714
00:18:12,668 --> 00:18:12,901
INSANE.

715
00:18:12,901 --> 00:18:14,236
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING.

716
00:18:14,236 --> 00:18:16,105
AND THEN WE KIND OF JOKINGLY

717
00:18:16,105 --> 00:18:17,339
SAY, WE SHOULD TAKE THIS THING

718
00:18:17,339 --> 00:18:18,040
ON THE ROAD, YOU KNOW?

719
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,643
THEN WE GOT A PHONE CALL FROM A

720
00:18:20,643 --> 00:18:22,111
BIG PLACE, THEY SAID, COME HERE

721
00:18:22,111 --> 00:18:22,745
FIRST IF YOU WANT.

722
00:18:22,745 --> 00:18:24,647
THEN THE ADULTS IN OUR LIFE

723
00:18:24,647 --> 00:18:25,614
SAID, GUYS, YOU SHOULD THINK

724
00:18:25,614 --> 00:18:27,316
ABOUT THIS, MAYBE GO ON A ‐‐ SO

725
00:18:27,316 --> 00:18:30,052
WE'RE GOING TO GO.

726
00:18:30,052 --> 00:18:32,221
BUT IT'S JUST FOUR IDIOTS, WELL,

727
00:18:32,221 --> 00:18:34,490
THREE IDIOTS AND ONE RESPECTABLE

728
00:18:34,490 --> 00:18:36,759
GUEST HAVING A CONVERSATION ON A

729
00:18:36,759 --> 00:18:36,959
STAGE.

730
00:18:36,959 --> 00:18:40,262
PEOPLE PAY MONEY TO SEE SINGING,

731
00:18:40,262 --> 00:18:41,964
DANCING, STAND‐UP.

732
00:18:41,964 --> 00:18:43,399
IT'S JUST US TALKING, YOU KNOW?

733
00:18:43,399 --> 00:18:44,833
LIKE YOU GIVE A MONOLOGUE.

734
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,335
YOU HAVE A MUSICAL GUEST.

735
00:18:46,335 --> 00:18:48,470
LIKE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ‐‐

736
00:18:48,470 --> 00:18:50,172
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE TRYING TO SET

737
00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:51,674
PEOPLE'S EXPECTATIONS LOW.

738
00:18:51,674 --> 00:18:51,974
[ LAUGHTER ]

739
00:18:51,974 --> 00:18:54,076
>> I'M NOT, I JUST THINK IT'S A

740
00:18:54,076 --> 00:18:55,811
BIG MISTAKE, NOW WE'RE TWO WEEKS

741
00:18:55,811 --> 00:18:58,080
OUT, AND WE GOT TO GO DO IT.

742
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:58,380
[ LAUGHTER ]

743
00:18:58,380 --> 00:19:00,149
AND US DINGBATS DECIDED TO FILM

744
00:19:00,149 --> 00:19:02,584
IT FOR A TWO‐PART DOCUMENTARY ON

745
00:19:02,584 --> 00:19:04,253
DISCOVERY PLUS.

746
00:19:04,253 --> 00:19:05,187
SO WE'RE GOING TO FILM BEHIND

747
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:08,023
THE SCENES OF OUR BIG ROCK TOUR!

748
00:19:08,023 --> 00:19:09,358
>> Jimmy: WILL YOU BE TRAVELING

749
00:19:09,358 --> 00:19:09,625
TOGETHER?

750
00:19:09,625 --> 00:19:12,428
>> YEAH, WE'RE TRAVELING

751
00:19:12,428 --> 00:19:12,695
TOGETHER.

752
00:19:12,695 --> 00:19:13,595
WE'RE ‐‐ YOU KNOW.

753
00:19:13,595 --> 00:19:15,964
WE'RE LIVING TOGETHER IN A BIG

754
00:19:15,964 --> 00:19:16,198
SUITE.

755
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:17,332
>> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE SEPARATE

756
00:19:17,332 --> 00:19:17,533
BUSES?

757
00:19:17,533 --> 00:19:18,834
OR WILL YOU BE ON THE SAME BUS?

758
00:19:18,834 --> 00:19:21,103
>> WE'RE GOING TO DO ONE BUS LEG

759
00:19:21,103 --> 00:19:22,337
FROM CHICAGO TO MADISON.

760
00:19:22,337 --> 00:19:24,973
BUT THE REST OF IT IS FLYING IN

761
00:19:24,973 --> 00:19:25,240
FEBRUARY.

762
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:28,277
>> Jimmy: BECAUSE I SAW AT VAN

763
00:19:28,277 --> 00:19:28,911
NUYS PRIVATE AIRPORT, I SAW ‐‐

764
00:19:28,911 --> 00:19:32,648
[ LAUGHTER ]

765
00:19:32,648 --> 00:19:32,981
[ APPLAUSE ]

766
00:19:32,981 --> 00:19:34,616
THIS PLANE YOU GUYS HAVE GOT?

767
00:19:34,616 --> 00:19:36,452
THE PEOPLE AT GREYHOUND SENT ME

768
00:19:36,452 --> 00:19:38,220
ALL THESE DIFFERENT BUSES.

769
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:42,424
LIKE THERE'S A SEAN BUS, THERE'S

770
00:19:42,424 --> 00:19:43,058
A WILL BUS, THERE'S A JASON BUS.

771
00:19:43,058 --> 00:19:43,559
>> LISTEN.

772
00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:44,693
WE ARE SOFT ACTORS.

773
00:19:44,693 --> 00:19:46,261
WE NEED TO TRAVEL IN COMFORT.

774
00:19:46,261 --> 00:19:47,196
BUT YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW

775
00:19:47,196 --> 00:19:48,497
ABOUT ANY OF THAT.

776
00:19:48,497 --> 00:19:48,797
[ LAUGHTER ]

777
00:19:48,797 --> 00:19:49,431
>> Jimmy: DO YOU KNOW HOW THE

778
00:19:49,431 --> 00:19:50,065
TICKETS ARE SELLING FOR THESE

779
00:19:50,065 --> 00:19:52,468
EVENTS?

780
00:19:52,468 --> 00:19:53,368
I'M GOING TO LET YOU KNOW

781
00:19:53,368 --> 00:19:56,405
BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO KNOW.

782
00:19:56,405 --> 00:19:56,705
B

783
00:19:56,705 --> 00:19:57,272
PUT THAT UP.

784
00:19:57,272 --> 00:19:59,108
I LOOKED AT TICKET MASTER.

785
00:19:59,108 --> 00:19:59,475
THAT'S BOSTON.

786
00:19:59,475 --> 00:20:00,943
>> THOSE ARE THE PURCHASED?

787
00:20:00,943 --> 00:20:02,211
>> Jimmy: RED ARE THE AVAILABLE.

788
00:20:02,211 --> 00:20:03,579
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

789
00:20:03,579 --> 00:20:03,812
>> NO.

790
00:20:03,812 --> 00:20:06,882
>> Jimmy: RED ARE THE AVAILABLE.

791
00:20:06,882 --> 00:20:08,117
THIS IS LIKE THE MAP WE'RE GOING

792
00:20:08,117 --> 00:20:08,884
TO SEE WHEN COVID FINALLY GOES

793
00:20:08,884 --> 00:20:12,121
AWAY.

794
00:20:12,121 --> 00:20:13,956
SO THAT'S GOOD.

795
00:20:13,956 --> 00:20:15,791
EVEN THE RED ONES ARE LIKE

796
00:20:15,791 --> 00:20:17,025
SCALPER TICKETS.

797
00:20:17,025 --> 00:20:17,659
YOU'VE SOLD OUT COMPLETELY IN

798
00:20:17,659 --> 00:20:17,893
BOSTON.

799
00:20:17,893 --> 00:20:18,160
>> YEAH.

800
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:21,930
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

801
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:25,033
>> Jimmy: YET YOU'RE STILL

802
00:20:25,033 --> 00:20:25,334
NONPLUSSED.

803
00:20:25,334 --> 00:20:27,202
>> I'M SO AFRAID IT'S GOING TO

804
00:20:27,202 --> 00:20:28,737
TURN INTO SOME KESEY "BIG

805
00:20:28,737 --> 00:20:29,772
BROTHER" EPISODE WHERE THE

806
00:20:29,772 --> 00:20:31,073
CAMERAS ARE CATCHING US BRUSHING

807
00:20:31,073 --> 00:20:33,442
OUR TEETH IN OUR HOTEL ROOM ‐‐

808
00:20:33,442 --> 00:20:35,177
>> Jimmy: DON'T BRUSH YOUR

809
00:20:35,177 --> 00:20:35,410
TEETH.

810
00:20:35,410 --> 00:20:37,412
>> SEAN WAKING UP GROGRY, WILL

811
00:20:37,412 --> 00:20:39,281
WAKING UP WITHOUT HIS WIG ON.

812
00:20:39,281 --> 00:20:39,581
[ LAUGHTER ]

813
00:20:39,581 --> 00:20:40,649
THAT WILL BE A GREAT EPISODE,

814
00:20:40,649 --> 00:20:43,452
AMERICA, YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW.

815
00:20:43,452 --> 00:20:44,653
NO ONE KNOWS, RIGHT?

816
00:20:44,653 --> 00:20:45,687
THAT'S ALL ‐‐ YOU KNOW, HIS

817
00:20:45,687 --> 00:20:47,356
STRATEGY WAS, NO ONE'S GOING TO

818
00:20:47,356 --> 00:20:51,827
WIDOW'S PEAK KIND OF THING.

819
00:20:51,827 --> 00:20:55,798
HE'S GOING TO HAVE A NICE THING.

820
00:20:55,798 --> 00:20:57,065
NO, I'M LOOKING LIKE I'M GOING

821
00:20:57,065 --> 00:20:58,567
TO START GETTING BALD BUT IT'S

822
00:20:58,567 --> 00:20:59,201
ALL FAKE.

823
00:20:59,201 --> 00:21:00,836
>> Jimmy: IF YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH

824
00:21:00,836 --> 00:21:01,670
TO HAVE ALREADY BOUGHT TICKETS

825
00:21:01,670 --> 00:21:04,706
YOU GET TO SEE WILL ARNETT'S WIG

826
00:21:04,706 --> 00:21:05,707
LIVE AND IN PERSON.

827
00:21:05,707 --> 00:21:07,042
>> HE'LL PROBABLY HAVE IT ON FOR

828
00:21:07,042 --> 00:21:07,743
THE STAGE PIECE.

829
00:21:07,743 --> 00:21:08,744
IN THE HOTEL ROOM, WE'RE GOING

830
00:21:08,744 --> 00:21:11,814
TO GET THE CAMERAS ON IT.

831
00:21:11,814 --> 00:21:12,681
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW I LOVE "

832
00:21:12,681 --> 00:21:12,915
"OZARK."

833
00:21:12,915 --> 00:21:14,149
WE'RE GOING TO SEE A CLIP FROM

834
00:21:14,149 --> 00:21:15,317
THE NEW SEASON.

835
00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:16,585
I'VE SEEN THE FIRST EPISODE.

836
00:21:16,585 --> 00:21:17,986
>> YOU HAVE NOTES?

837
00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:18,921
>> Jimmy: IT'S GREAT.

838
00:21:18,921 --> 00:21:21,089
LET'S TAKE A BREAK AND THEN

839
00:21:21,089 --> 00:21:21,590
WE'LL TAKE A LOOK.

840
00:21:21,590 --> 00:21:22,057
JASON BASEMAN IS HERE.

841
00:21:22,057 --> 00:21:23,192
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

842
00:21:25,961 --> 00:21:28,664
>>> THE NAVARRO CARTEL HAS BEEN

843
00:21:28,664 --> 00:21:32,601
MADE AWARE BY YOU, DARLENE THAT

844
00:21:32,601 --> 00:21:33,569
YOU INTEND TO START PRODUCING

845
00:21:33,569 --> 00:21:34,136
HEROIN AGAIN.

846
00:21:34,136 --> 00:21:36,138
AND THEY HAVE INSTRUCTED US TO

847
00:21:36,138 --> 00:21:40,709
WARN YOU NOT TO.

848
00:21:40,709 --> 00:21:41,009
NOT A JOKE.

849
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:41,210
>> NO?

850
00:21:41,210 --> 00:21:43,712
>> NO.

851
00:21:43,712 --> 00:21:46,381
>> DARLENE AND JACOB WERE IN

852
00:21:46,381 --> 00:21:47,616
THEIR FARM WELL BEFORE YOU GUYS

853
00:21:47,616 --> 00:21:48,951
EVER CAME TO THE OZARKS, SO ‐‐

854
00:21:48,951 --> 00:21:50,652
>> OKAY, BUT WE DID COME.

855
00:21:50,652 --> 00:21:51,854
IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD NOW.

856
00:21:51,854 --> 00:21:53,121
THAT'S A FACT.

857
00:21:53,121 --> 00:21:53,655
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

858
00:21:53,655 --> 00:21:55,390
>> Jimmy: THAT'S JASON BATEMAN

859
00:21:55,390 --> 00:21:57,993
AS MARTY BIRD AND HIS FRIEND

860
00:21:57,993 --> 00:21:58,260
DARLENE.

861
00:21:58,260 --> 00:22:01,430
MORE ON THE ISSUES OF "OZARK."

862
00:22:01,430 --> 00:22:03,065
THIS IS SEASON 4 BUT IT'S LIKE A

863
00:22:03,065 --> 00:22:03,398
DOUBLE SEASON?

864
00:22:03,398 --> 00:22:05,200
>> I DON'T ‐‐ WE DON'T ‐‐

865
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:06,435
>> Jimmy: THERE'S SEVEN EPISODES

866
00:22:06,435 --> 00:22:07,069
COMING OUT TOMORROW.

867
00:22:07,069 --> 00:22:07,636
>> YEAH RIGHT.

868
00:22:07,636 --> 00:22:10,272
SO WE USUALLY DO 10 EPISODES

869
00:22:10,272 --> 00:22:10,505
PERSON.

870
00:22:10,505 --> 00:22:11,940
BUT WE KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO BE

871
00:22:11,940 --> 00:22:13,075
THE LAST SEASON.

872
00:22:13,075 --> 00:22:15,777
WE HAD MORE STORY TO TELL THAN

873
00:22:15,777 --> 00:22:18,280
10 EPISODES SO 14 EPISODES.

874
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:19,348
THEN NETFLIX THOUGHT, LET'S

875
00:22:19,348 --> 00:22:21,316
SPLIT IT UP, 7 AND 7.

876
00:22:21,316 --> 00:22:22,885
THE FIRST 7 ARE THIS FRIDAY,

877
00:22:22,885 --> 00:22:26,822
THEN THE SECOND 7 WILL BE ON AT

878
00:22:26,822 --> 00:22:28,023
A DATE YET TO BE ANNOUNCED.

879
00:22:28,023 --> 00:22:28,490
>> Jimmy: I SEE.

880
00:22:28,490 --> 00:22:30,325
>> BUT IT WILL BE KIND OF SOON.

881
00:22:30,325 --> 00:22:30,826
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

882
00:22:30,826 --> 00:22:32,294
>> Jimmy: WHAT I'M TRYING TO

883
00:22:32,294 --> 00:22:34,496
FIGURE OUT IS, DID WE GET BONUS

884
00:22:34,496 --> 00:22:34,897
EPISODES?

885
00:22:34,897 --> 00:22:36,265
OR DID WE GET CHEATED?

886
00:22:36,265 --> 00:22:37,633
>> THAT'S JUST IT.

887
00:22:37,633 --> 00:22:39,501
IT'S ‐‐ I'LL TELL YOU WHO GOT

888
00:22:39,501 --> 00:22:40,736
CHEATED, IT'S THE PEOPLE WHO

889
00:22:40,736 --> 00:22:42,371
WERE LOOKING FOR SEASON 5 RATES.

890
00:22:42,371 --> 00:22:42,871
>> Jimmy: I SEE.

891
00:22:42,871 --> 00:22:45,807
>> SO WE GOT 40 EPISODES OF

892
00:22:45,807 --> 00:22:47,876
SEASON 4 RATES, YOU KNOW.

893
00:22:47,876 --> 00:22:49,511
THESE PEOPLE AT NETFLIX, THEY'RE

894
00:22:49,511 --> 00:22:49,845
SMART PEOPLE.

895
00:22:49,845 --> 00:22:53,148
>> Jimmy: YOU DON'T GET 4 1/2?

896
00:22:53,148 --> 00:22:54,616
THEY JUST RAISED THE PRICES ON

897
00:22:54,616 --> 00:22:55,484
THE DAMN THING.

898
00:22:55,484 --> 00:22:57,352
>> WE'RE EXTREMELY THRILLED WITH

899
00:22:57,352 --> 00:22:59,788
EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING TO DO

900
00:22:59,788 --> 00:23:00,489
WITH NETFLIX AND THE SHOW.

901
00:23:00,489 --> 00:23:02,324
I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE EXCITED BY

902
00:23:02,324 --> 00:23:04,426
HOW THE PLANE LANDS AS WE ARE.

903
00:23:04,426 --> 00:23:05,394
>> Jimmy: I'M EXCITED ABOUT IT,

904
00:23:05,394 --> 00:23:05,961
I CAN'T SPEAK FOR EVERYONE.

905
00:23:05,961 --> 00:23:10,699
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

906
00:23:10,699 --> 00:23:11,066
SEPTEMBER 19th.

907
00:23:11,066 --> 00:23:16,905
SEPTEMBER 19th, 19 ‐‐ I HAVE IT

908
00:23:16,905 --> 00:23:18,407
WRITTEN DOWN ‐‐ 1984.

909
00:23:18,407 --> 00:23:19,808
DOES THAT RING A BELL?

910
00:23:19,808 --> 00:23:20,776
>> THAT WAS THE OLYMPIC YEAR?

911
00:23:20,776 --> 00:23:21,576
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH.

912
00:23:21,576 --> 00:23:22,844
>> SUMMER OLYMPICS?

913
00:23:22,844 --> 00:23:23,445
>> Jimmy: THEY WERE OVER BY

914
00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:23,645
THEN.

915
00:23:23,645 --> 00:23:26,281
>> THAT WAS L. A., YES.

916
00:23:26,281 --> 00:23:28,884
>> Jimmy: SEPTEMBER 19th, 1984,

917
00:23:28,884 --> 00:23:30,886
IS THE MIGHT YOU MADE YOUR FIRST

918
00:23:30,886 --> 00:23:34,423
APPEARANCE ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW"

919
00:23:34,423 --> 00:23:34,856
WITH JOHNNY CARSON.

920
00:23:34,856 --> 00:23:35,958
>> WITH ALL THE SUCCESS, BEING

921
00:23:35,958 --> 00:23:36,658
YOUNG IN HIGH SCHOOL, DOES THIS

922
00:23:36,658 --> 00:23:39,061
HELP WITH THE YOUNG LADIES?

923
00:23:39,061 --> 00:23:43,999
>> UH ‐‐ IT'S ‐‐ IT'S ‐‐

924
00:23:43,999 --> 00:23:44,900
ADVANTAGEOUS TO INITIALLY MEET

925
00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:45,367
THE GIRL.

926
00:23:45,367 --> 00:23:46,802
>> UH‐HUH?

927
00:23:46,802 --> 00:23:47,836
>> BUT ‐‐ I DON'T REALLY WANT TO

928
00:23:47,836 --> 00:23:49,504
GO OUT WITH A GIRL BECAUSE SHE

929
00:23:49,504 --> 00:23:51,106
LIKES ME BECAUSE I'M AN ACTOR,

930
00:23:51,106 --> 00:23:51,573
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

931
00:23:51,573 --> 00:23:51,907
YOU KNOW.

932
00:23:51,907 --> 00:23:53,709
I WANT HER TO GO OUT WITH ME

933
00:23:53,709 --> 00:23:56,044
BECAUSE SHE LIKES ME AS A

934
00:23:56,044 --> 00:23:56,278
PERSON.

935
00:23:56,278 --> 00:23:56,545
>> YEAH.

936
00:23:56,545 --> 00:23:58,714
>> I JUST BROKE UP WITH THIS

937
00:23:58,714 --> 00:24:00,148
GIRL I WAS GOING OUT WITH ‐‐

938
00:24:00,148 --> 00:24:02,951
>> YOU WERE GOING ‐‐ DO THEY USE

939
00:24:02,951 --> 00:24:03,952
THE TERM GOING STEADY ANYMORE?

940
00:24:03,952 --> 00:24:05,754
>> THAT'S ‐‐ WELL, BACK ‐‐ I

941
00:24:05,754 --> 00:24:07,022
THINK ABOUT TEN YEARS AGO, THEY

942
00:24:07,022 --> 00:24:07,456
USED GOING STEADY.

943
00:24:07,456 --> 00:24:12,561
>> OH.

944
00:24:12,561 --> 00:24:13,195
MY MAIL HAS BEEN SLOW, I DIDN'T

945
00:24:13,195 --> 00:24:13,395
KNOW.

946
00:24:13,395 --> 00:24:17,666
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

947
00:24:17,666 --> 00:24:19,067
>> Jimmy: THAT'S SO NUTS.

948
00:24:19,067 --> 00:24:20,268
WHAT GOES THROUGH YOUR HEAD WHEN

949
00:24:20,268 --> 00:24:20,802
YOU SEE THAT?

950
00:24:20,802 --> 00:24:22,404
>> WELL, MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS,

951
00:24:22,404 --> 00:24:23,472
DID I NOT KNOW I WAS GOING ON

952
00:24:23,472 --> 00:24:23,939
TELEVISION THAT NIGHT?

953
00:24:23,939 --> 00:24:27,075
[ LAUGHTER ]

954
00:24:27,075 --> 00:24:27,642
COULD I NOT GRAB A PAIR OF

955
00:24:27,642 --> 00:24:28,477
SOCKS?

956
00:24:28,477 --> 00:24:30,345
>> Jimmy: I FEEL LIKE A LOT OF

957
00:24:30,345 --> 00:24:31,747
THOUGHT WAS PUT INTO THAT, I'LL

958
00:24:31,747 --> 00:24:33,548
TELL YOU WHY A LOT OF THOUGHT

959
00:24:33,548 --> 00:24:35,017
WAS PUT INTO THAT OUTFIT.

960
00:24:35,017 --> 00:24:38,653
IN YOUR PUBLICITY PHOTO FOR

961
00:24:38,653 --> 00:24:40,322
"IT'S YOUR MOVE" ‐‐

962
00:24:40,322 --> 00:24:41,156
>> SAME SWEATER.

963
00:24:41,156 --> 00:24:42,524
>> Jimmy: IT'S THE SAME SWEATER.

964
00:24:42,524 --> 00:24:45,093
YOU DO HAVE SOCKS ON.

965
00:24:45,093 --> 00:24:46,161
>> I WENT FROM THAT SHOOT TO

966
00:24:46,161 --> 00:24:47,662
JOHNNY, AND I THOUGHT, I'VE GOT

967
00:24:47,662 --> 00:24:50,032
TO HIP IT UP, IT'S A NIGHT SHOW.

968
00:24:50,032 --> 00:24:51,833
>> Jimmy: I THINK YOU LOOK

969
00:24:51,833 --> 00:24:52,801
YOUNGER, BUT MAYBE THAT'S

970
00:24:52,801 --> 00:24:53,802
MAKEUP.

971
00:24:53,802 --> 00:24:57,039
THEN WE HAVE "BOP" MAGAZINE.

972
00:24:57,039 --> 00:24:58,373
GUESS WHAT YOU WERE WEARING?

973
00:24:58,373 --> 00:24:58,840
>> NO!

974
00:24:58,840 --> 00:24:59,141
[ LAUGHTER ]

975
00:24:59,141 --> 00:25:02,444
>> Jimmy: VERY SAME SWEATER.

976
00:25:02,444 --> 00:25:02,978
[ APPLAUSE ]

977
00:25:02,978 --> 00:25:03,178
AND ‐‐

978
00:25:03,178 --> 00:25:05,514
>> GUESS WHO HAD A FAVORITE

979
00:25:05,514 --> 00:25:05,814
SWEATSHIRT?

980
00:25:05,814 --> 00:25:06,448
>> Jimmy: YES, WHO'S GOT ANOTHER

981
00:25:06,448 --> 00:25:08,383
ONE?

982
00:25:08,383 --> 00:25:10,052
SO THAT'S A LITTLE SOMETHING.

983
00:25:10,052 --> 00:25:10,318
YOU KNOW.

984
00:25:10,318 --> 00:25:12,821
MIGHT BE A LITTLE LARGE.

985
00:25:12,821 --> 00:25:15,557
DO YOU WANT TO PUT IT ON?

986
00:25:15,557 --> 00:25:15,891
THERE YOU GO.

987
00:25:15,891 --> 00:25:18,727
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

988
00:25:18,727 --> 00:25:23,198
YEAH, THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT.

989
00:25:23,198 --> 00:25:23,832
LET'S HAVE A LOOK.

990
00:25:23,832 --> 00:25:24,099
OH, GREAT.

991
00:25:24,099 --> 00:25:24,366
WONDERFUL.

992
00:25:24,366 --> 00:25:27,069
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

993
00:25:27,069 --> 00:25:30,005
LOOKS REALLY GOOD.

994
00:25:30,005 --> 00:25:31,740
JUST LOSE THE SOCKS AND WE'LL

995
00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:32,507
REALLY HAVE SOMETHING.

996
00:25:32,507 --> 00:25:33,675
>> PUT THE MICROPHONE RIGHT

997
00:25:33,675 --> 00:25:33,942
HERE.

998
00:25:33,942 --> 00:25:35,811
>> Jimmy: JASON, YOU HAVE BEEN

999
00:25:35,811 --> 00:25:36,511
ON TELEVISION FOR A REALLY,

1000
00:25:36,511 --> 00:25:38,880
REALLY LONG TIME.

1001
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,116
>> GOD, I HOPE PEOPLE ARE TUNING

1002
00:25:41,116 --> 00:25:41,683
IN RIGHT NOW.

1003
00:25:41,683 --> 00:25:41,983
[ LAUGHTER ]

1004
00:25:41,983 --> 00:25:42,617
>> Jimmy: I DO WANT TO GET BACK

1005
00:25:42,617 --> 00:25:44,286
TO ‐‐ IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR PUPPET

1006
00:25:44,286 --> 00:25:47,022
DIED.

1007
00:25:47,022 --> 00:25:49,658
[ LAUGHTER ]

1008
00:25:49,658 --> 00:25:51,126
>> KEEP TALKING, STALL.

1009
00:25:51,126 --> 00:25:52,427
>> Jimmy: LOOK WHAT A PRO HE IS.

1010
00:25:52,427 --> 00:25:55,797
HE KNOWS HOW TO PUT ON HIS OWN

1011
00:25:55,797 --> 00:25:56,565
MIC ‐‐ THAT'S A WHOLE LIFE

1012
00:25:56,565 --> 00:25:57,466
LESSON WHAT IS THAT IS.

1013
00:25:57,466 --> 00:25:57,966
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1014
00:25:57,966 --> 00:25:59,868
I DO WANT TO GET BACK TO "OZARK"

1015
00:25:59,868 --> 00:26:03,338
FOR A MINUTE BECAUSE "OZARK" IS,

1016
00:26:03,338 --> 00:26:04,940
AS MENTIONED, ONE OF MY FAVORITE

1017
00:26:04,940 --> 00:26:05,740
SHOWS.

1018
00:26:05,740 --> 00:26:07,075
NORMALLY WE'D ONLY SHOW ONE CLIP

1019
00:26:07,075 --> 00:26:07,676
FROM A SHOW.

1020
00:26:07,676 --> 00:26:09,411
>> WE'RE DOING A DOUBLE CLIP?

1021
00:26:09,411 --> 00:26:11,012
>> Jimmy: IT'S A DOUBLE CLIP

1022
00:26:11,012 --> 00:26:11,246
NIGHT.

1023
00:26:11,246 --> 00:26:12,814
>> GUYS, GUYS.

1024
00:26:12,814 --> 00:26:13,648
>> Jimmy: DOUBLE CLIP.

1025
00:26:13,648 --> 00:26:14,316
>> THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN.

1026
00:26:14,316 --> 00:26:15,784
>> Jimmy: IT NEVER HAPPENS.

1027
00:26:15,784 --> 00:26:16,284
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1028
00:26:16,284 --> 00:26:17,419
SINCE YOU GUYS SPLIT THE SEASON

1029
00:26:17,419 --> 00:26:18,120
INTO TWO PARTS ‐‐

1030
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:20,555
>> OH, THIS IS A JOKE.

1031
00:26:20,555 --> 00:26:21,890
>> Jimmy: WE'VE SPLIT YOUR

1032
00:26:21,890 --> 00:26:22,157
CLIPS ‐‐

1033
00:26:22,157 --> 00:26:24,459
>> SON OF A BITCH.

1034
00:26:24,459 --> 00:26:25,827
SOMETHING HURTFUL, EVERYBODY,

1035
00:26:25,827 --> 00:26:26,728
GET READY!

1036
00:26:26,728 --> 00:26:28,697
>> Jimmy: LET'S WATCH AND LET

1037
00:26:28,697 --> 00:26:29,698
THE AUDIENCE DECIDE.

1038
00:26:29,698 --> 00:26:30,632
>> IT'S ADVANTAGEOUS TO

1039
00:26:30,632 --> 00:26:33,068
INITIALLY MEET THE GIRL.

1040
00:26:33,068 --> 00:26:34,269
BUT ‐‐ I DON'T REALLY WANT TO GO

1041
00:26:34,269 --> 00:26:35,537
OUT WITH A GIRL BECAUSE SHE

1042
00:26:35,537 --> 00:26:37,205
LIKES ME BECAUSE I'M AN ACTOR,

1043
00:26:37,205 --> 00:26:37,639
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

1044
00:26:37,639 --> 00:26:38,507
YOU KNOW.

1045
00:26:38,507 --> 00:26:39,541
I WANT TO GO OUT WITH HER

1046
00:26:39,541 --> 00:26:40,075
BECAUSE SHE LIKES ME AS A

1047
00:26:40,075 --> 00:26:40,509
PERSON.

1048
00:26:40,509 --> 00:26:43,044
[ LAUGHTER ]

1049
00:26:43,044 --> 00:26:46,982
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1050
00:26:46,982 --> 00:26:47,315
>> HILARIOUS.

1051
00:26:47,315 --> 00:26:50,352
IT'S HILARIOUS.

1052
00:26:50,352 --> 00:26:50,886
I DO SOUND LIKE A LITTLE

1053
00:26:50,886 --> 00:26:54,556
11‐YEAR‐OLD GIRL.

1054
00:26:54,556 --> 00:26:55,891
>> Jimmy: WELL, IF YOU WANT TO

1055
00:26:55,891 --> 00:26:57,926
GO SEE AN 11‐YEAR‐OLD GIRL ALL

1056
00:26:57,926 --> 00:27:00,462
GROWN UP, HE'S ON TOUR WITH THE

1057
00:27:00,462 --> 00:27:01,429
"SMARTLESS" GUYS.

1058
00:27:01,429 --> 00:27:03,565
TICKETS ARE PRACTICALLY SOLD OUT

1059
00:27:03,565 --> 00:27:04,199
SO YOU'RE PROBABLY SCREWED ON

1060
00:27:04,199 --> 00:27:04,399
THAT.

1061
00:27:04,399 --> 00:27:07,302
SEASON 4 OF "OZARK" PREMIERES

1062
00:27:07,302 --> 00:27:08,770
TOMORROW NIGHT ON NETFLIX.

1063
00:27:08,770 --> 00:27:11,072
JASON BATEMAN, EVERYBODY!

1064
00:27:11,072 --> 00:27:11,573
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1065
00:27:11,573 --> 00:27:12,807
WE'LL BE BACK WITH ASHLEY PARK.

1066
00:27:18,013 --> 00:27:19,981
>>> COME WITH ME TO THE FUTURE!

1067
00:27:19,981 --> 00:27:21,683
NEXT WEEK ON "JIMMY KIMMEL

1068
00:27:21,683 --> 00:27:22,751
LIVE," KRISTEN BELL.

1069
00:27:22,751 --> 00:27:24,352
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE.

1070
00:27:24,352 --> 00:27:26,354
CHARLIE DAY.

1071
00:27:26,354 --> 00:27:26,721
COLEMAN DOMINGO.

1072
00:27:26,721 --> 00:27:27,689
JUDE HILL.

1073
00:27:27,689 --> 00:27:28,790
IKE BARINHOLTZ.

1074
00:27:28,790 --> 00:27:29,457
JAKE TAPPER.

1075
00:27:29,457 --> 00:27:30,659
AND LADY GAGA.

1076
00:27:30,659 --> 00:27:33,195
PLUS MUSIC FROM ERIC BELLINGER

1077
00:27:33,195 --> 00:27:36,231
AND IANN DIOR, FEATURING MACHINE

1078
00:27:36,231 --> 00:27:37,666
GUN KELLY AND TRAVIS MARKER.

1079
00:27:37,666 --> 00:27:38,333
THAT'S NEXT WEEK ON "JIMMY

1080
00:27:38,333 --> 00:27:38,667
KIMMEL LIVE."

1081
00:27:38,667 --> 00:27:42,003
YOU KNOW, THE FUTURE?

1082
00:27:47,008 --> 00:27:48,944
>>> HI, WELCOME BACK.

1083
00:27:48,944 --> 00:27:50,145
LAUFEY IS ON THE WAY.

1084
00:27:50,145 --> 00:27:51,646
OUR NEXT GUEST IS A TONY AND

1085
00:27:51,646 --> 00:27:52,814
GRAMMY‐NOMINATED PERFORMER YOU

1086
00:27:52,814 --> 00:27:53,381
KNOW AS THE CABARET SINGING

1087
00:27:53,381 --> 00:27:54,015
"ZIPPER PRINCESS" ON THE HUGELY

1088
00:27:54,015 --> 00:27:54,883
POPULAR SERIES "EMILY IN PARIS."

1089
00:27:54,883 --> 00:27:55,483
SEASON TWO IS ON NETFLIX NOW.

1090
00:27:55,483 --> 00:28:00,889
PLEASE WELCOME ASHLEY PARK.

1091
00:28:00,889 --> 00:28:01,389
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1092
00:28:01,389 --> 00:28:11,933
♪

1093
00:28:11,933 --> 00:28:12,500
>> Jimmy: HOW'S IT GOING?

1094
00:28:12,500 --> 00:28:15,470
>> OH MY GOD!

1095
00:28:15,470 --> 00:28:15,804
JIMMY KIMMEL!

1096
00:28:15,804 --> 00:28:16,438
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, THAT'S ME.

1097
00:28:16,438 --> 00:28:18,673
>> IT'S YOU.

1098
00:28:18,673 --> 00:28:19,708
>> Jimmy: HOW'S EVERYTHING

1099
00:28:19,708 --> 00:28:19,908
GOING?

1100
00:28:19,908 --> 00:28:20,542
>> SO GREAT.

1101
00:28:20,542 --> 00:28:21,610
>> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS ON THE

1102
00:28:21,610 --> 00:28:21,843
SHOW.

1103
00:28:21,843 --> 00:28:23,678
I KNOW IT'S SUPER, SUPER CRAZY

1104
00:28:23,678 --> 00:28:24,012
POPULAR.

1105
00:28:24,012 --> 00:28:26,081
IN FACT, YOU GUYS GOT PICKED UP

1106
00:28:26,081 --> 00:28:26,982
FOR SEASONS THREE AND FOUR,

1107
00:28:26,982 --> 00:28:27,182
RIGHT?

1108
00:28:27,182 --> 00:28:27,782
>> YEAH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

1109
00:28:27,782 --> 00:28:29,584
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1110
00:28:29,584 --> 00:28:31,086
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A BIG DEAL.

1111
00:28:31,086 --> 00:28:33,221
BECAUSE YOU KNOW, BATEMAN'S

1112
00:28:33,221 --> 00:28:34,589
SEASON GOT CHOPPED RIGHT IN

1113
00:28:34,589 --> 00:28:34,789
HALF.

1114
00:28:34,789 --> 00:28:37,225
YOU GUYS GOT DOUBLE, IT'S

1115
00:28:37,225 --> 00:28:37,525
RIDICULOUS.

1116
00:28:37,525 --> 00:28:38,293
>> WE'RE SO GRATEFUL.

1117
00:28:38,293 --> 00:28:40,629
THANK YOU, NETFLIX.

1118
00:28:40,629 --> 00:28:41,563
THANK YOU, EVERYONE, FOR

1119
00:28:41,563 --> 00:28:41,830
WATCHING.

1120
00:28:41,830 --> 00:28:42,330
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1121
00:28:42,330 --> 00:28:43,732
>> Jimmy: DO YOU SPEAK ‐‐ I KNOW

1122
00:28:43,732 --> 00:28:44,532
YOU SPEAK FRENCH ON THE SHOW.

1123
00:28:44,532 --> 00:28:47,369
DO YOU REALLY SPEAK FRENCH?

1124
00:28:47,369 --> 00:28:48,770
>> I DID TAKE SIX YEARS OF

1125
00:28:48,770 --> 00:28:50,705
FRENCH IN MIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH

1126
00:28:50,705 --> 00:28:51,172
SCHOOL.

1127
00:28:51,172 --> 00:28:51,740
I AM NOT FLUENT.

1128
00:28:51,740 --> 00:28:52,440
>> Jimmy: I SEE.

1129
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:53,708
>> BUT YES.

1130
00:28:53,708 --> 00:28:57,712
BUT I ‐‐ WHAT'S FUNNY IS I,

1131
00:28:57,712 --> 00:28:58,546
ESPECIALLY THIS PAST SEASON,

1132
00:28:58,546 --> 00:28:59,814
HAVE RUN INTO A LOT OF LOCALS

1133
00:28:59,814 --> 00:29:01,082
WHO HAVE SEEN THE SHOW.

1134
00:29:01,082 --> 00:29:02,450
THEY ASSUME I'M FLUENT.

1135
00:29:02,450 --> 00:29:03,285
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.

1136
00:29:03,285 --> 00:29:04,452
>> BECAUSE THE CHARACTER IS

1137
00:29:04,452 --> 00:29:05,320
FLUENT IN FRENCH.

1138
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:06,054
>> Jimmy: THAT'S GREAT.

1139
00:29:06,054 --> 00:29:06,921
>> IT'S RATHER INTERESTING.

1140
00:29:06,921 --> 00:29:08,390
I'LL BE AT A RESTAURANT AND A

1141
00:29:08,390 --> 00:29:09,557
WAITER WILL COME UP AND I'LL

1142
00:29:09,557 --> 00:29:10,358
TAKE OFF MY MASK.

1143
00:29:10,358 --> 00:29:15,697
THEY'LL SAY, OH MY GOSH!

1144
00:29:15,697 --> 00:29:17,232
THEY'LL START RATTLING OFF IN

1145
00:29:17,232 --> 00:29:17,632
FRENCH.

1146
00:29:17,632 --> 00:29:18,633
I DO NOT WANT TO OWE PHONED

1147
00:29:18,633 --> 00:29:21,002
THEM, SO I NOD AND SAY OUI.

1148
00:29:21,002 --> 00:29:22,070
THEY'LL SAY THE SPECIALS IN

1149
00:29:22,070 --> 00:29:22,904
FRENCH AND EVERYTHING.

1150
00:29:22,904 --> 00:29:25,607
I HAVE ENDED UP WITH LIKE THREE

1151
00:29:25,607 --> 00:29:26,274
MEALS BEFORE BECAUSE I KEPT ON

1152
00:29:26,274 --> 00:29:26,574
SAYING YES.

1153
00:29:26,574 --> 00:29:29,511
[ LAUGHTER ]

1154
00:29:29,511 --> 00:29:31,379
BUT I'M GETTING BETTER.

1155
00:29:31,379 --> 00:29:32,814
I'M DETERMINED, SEASON THREE AND

1156
00:29:32,814 --> 00:29:34,082
FOUR, I WILL BECOME MORE FLUENT.

1157
00:29:34,082 --> 00:29:35,350
>> Jimmy: SEEMS LIKE YOU MUST BE

1158
00:29:35,350 --> 00:29:36,685
DOING A PRETTY GOOD JOB WITH THE

1159
00:29:36,685 --> 00:29:38,520
FRENCH YOU SPEAK ON THE SHOW IF

1160
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:39,454
THEY THINK YOU'RE FLUENT.

1161
00:29:39,454 --> 00:29:40,522
AND IT DOESN'T SEEM ‐‐ IS IT

1162
00:29:40,522 --> 00:29:41,923
EVER A PROBLEM FOR YOU?

1163
00:29:41,923 --> 00:29:42,691
I MEAN, IS IT ‐‐

1164
00:29:42,691 --> 00:29:46,361
>> YEAH, I MEAN, I'VE RUN

1165
00:29:46,361 --> 00:29:49,064
INTO ‐‐ ONE SITUATION THAT WAS

1166
00:29:49,064 --> 00:29:50,799
RATHER INTERESTING, I DO SING ON

1167
00:29:50,799 --> 00:29:51,199
THE SHOW.

1168
00:29:51,199 --> 00:29:51,666
>> Jimmy: YEAH.

1169
00:29:51,666 --> 00:29:53,535
>> THERE'S ONE DAY I WAS SINGING

1170
00:29:53,535 --> 00:29:54,903
ON A BRIDGE THESE TWO SONGS.

1171
00:29:54,903 --> 00:29:56,137
IT WAS FREEZING COLD.

1172
00:29:56,137 --> 00:29:58,606
AND I THINK EVERYBODY WAS IN A

1173
00:29:58,606 --> 00:30:00,575
PARKA, I WAS IN THIS SLINKY

1174
00:30:00,575 --> 00:30:01,242
SUMMER DRESS.

1175
00:30:01,242 --> 00:30:03,678
AND I COULD ‐‐ WHEN YOU'VE BEEN

1176
00:30:03,678 --> 00:30:05,380
SO COLD YOU CAN FEEL YOURSELF

1177
00:30:05,380 --> 00:30:06,815
CATCHING A COLD AS THE DAY GOED

1178
00:30:06,815 --> 00:30:07,315
GOES ON.

1179
00:30:07,315 --> 00:30:07,716
>> Jimmy: YEAH.

1180
00:30:07,716 --> 00:30:08,383
>> YEAH, YEAH.

1181
00:30:08,383 --> 00:30:11,886
SO THEY SENT A DOCTOR.

1182
00:30:11,886 --> 00:30:12,520
THIS ESTEEMED FRENCH DOCTOR TO

1183
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:13,054
MY APARTMENT.

1184
00:30:13,054 --> 00:30:15,290
>> Jimmy: HOW DID YOU KNOW HE

1185
00:30:15,290 --> 00:30:15,790
WAS ESTEEMED?

1186
00:30:15,790 --> 00:30:16,491
WHO TOLD YOU?

1187
00:30:16,491 --> 00:30:18,727
>> THEY TOLD ME.

1188
00:30:18,727 --> 00:30:20,061
AND I STRESSED ‐‐ HE SEEMED

1189
00:30:20,061 --> 00:30:21,296
CENTERESTEEMED.

1190
00:30:21,296 --> 00:30:23,965
HE CAME IN LIKE ‐‐

1191
00:30:23,965 --> 00:30:26,434
>> Jimmy: OKAY, NOW YOU'VE SOLD

1192
00:30:26,434 --> 00:30:26,601
ME.

1193
00:30:26,601 --> 00:30:27,001
>> THANK YOU.

1194
00:30:27,001 --> 00:30:28,069
NO, HE HAD HIS DOCTOR BAG.

1195
00:30:28,069 --> 00:30:28,870
>> Jimmy: HE HAD A BAG?

1196
00:30:28,870 --> 00:30:30,372
>> YEAH, HE HAD A BAG.

1197
00:30:30,372 --> 00:30:33,475
ONE OF THOSE LEATHER SATCHEL

1198
00:30:33,475 --> 00:30:33,675
BAGS.

1199
00:30:33,675 --> 00:30:37,946
I FEEL LIKE THAT'S LEDGIT, RIGH?

1200
00:30:37,946 --> 00:30:39,180
>> Jimmy: NOT TOO MANY DOCTORS

1201
00:30:39,180 --> 00:30:40,415
HAVE THE BAG ANYMORE.

1202
00:30:40,415 --> 00:30:42,150
IF YOU HAVE THE BAG, YOU'RE

1203
00:30:42,150 --> 00:30:42,584
SERIOUS, SURE.

1204
00:30:42,584 --> 00:30:45,420
>> ANYWAYS, IMMEDIATELY HE WAS

1205
00:30:45,420 --> 00:30:48,523
LIKE, OH, OH, YOU!

1206
00:30:48,523 --> 00:30:49,290
HE RECOGNIZED.

1207
00:30:49,290 --> 00:30:50,725
THEN HE STARTED SPEAKING REALLY

1208
00:30:50,725 --> 00:30:51,826
FAST IN FRENCH.

1209
00:30:51,826 --> 00:30:53,228
AND I JUST WENT ALONG WITH IT

1210
00:30:53,228 --> 00:30:54,062
AGAIN, BECAUSE I COULDN'T SPEAK.

1211
00:30:54,062 --> 00:30:57,399
AND HE LOOKED AT MY MOUTH AND HE

1212
00:30:57,399 --> 00:31:00,668
WAS LIKE, TONSILLITIS!

1213
00:31:00,668 --> 00:31:01,436
AND I WAS LIKE, TONSILLITIS, I

1214
00:31:01,436 --> 00:31:02,203
KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

1215
00:31:02,203 --> 00:31:05,473
YEAH, THAT'S NOT GREAT.

1216
00:31:05,473 --> 00:31:07,075
CAN WE FIX THAT?

1217
00:31:07,075 --> 00:31:08,209
CAN WE FIX THAT, PLEASE?

1218
00:31:08,209 --> 00:31:09,077
HE WAS LIKE, SURE.

1219
00:31:09,077 --> 00:31:10,345
HE TOOK HIS SPECIAL BAG OUT.

1220
00:31:10,345 --> 00:31:10,945
>> Jimmy: TO TAKE OUT YOUR

1221
00:31:10,945 --> 00:31:11,179
TONSILS?

1222
00:31:11,179 --> 00:31:13,181
[ LAUGHTER ]

1223
00:31:13,181 --> 00:31:14,149
>> YEAH.

1224
00:31:14,149 --> 00:31:16,551
AND ‐‐ WELL, HE TOOK OUT ALL

1225
00:31:16,551 --> 00:31:18,086
THESE CHEMICAL THINGS.

1226
00:31:18,086 --> 00:31:20,188
I WAS LIKE, THOSE LOOK AWESOME,

1227
00:31:20,188 --> 00:31:22,257
PUT THOSE INSIDE, LET'S GET

1228
00:31:22,257 --> 00:31:22,524
GOING.

1229
00:31:22,524 --> 00:31:24,659
HE WENT TO INJECT ME, I GAVE HIM

1230
00:31:24,659 --> 00:31:25,193
HIS ARM.

1231
00:31:25,193 --> 00:31:27,362
HE'S LIKE, NO ARM, CAN YOU LAY

1232
00:31:27,362 --> 00:31:27,562
DOWN?

1233
00:31:27,562 --> 00:31:27,762
SURE.

1234
00:31:27,762 --> 00:31:28,596
I LAID DOWN ON MY COUCH.

1235
00:31:28,596 --> 00:31:29,130
THEN HE SAID, NO, ON THE

1236
00:31:29,130 --> 00:31:31,032
STOMACH.

1237
00:31:31,032 --> 00:31:33,668
I WAS LIKE, OH, YOU WANT ME

1238
00:31:33,668 --> 00:31:35,403
FACING DOWN TO ‐‐ TO GET THE

1239
00:31:35,403 --> 00:31:35,670
INJECTION?

1240
00:31:35,670 --> 00:31:36,504
HE WAS LIKE, YES.

1241
00:31:36,504 --> 00:31:37,772
THEN I REALIZED QUICKLY THAT WE

1242
00:31:37,772 --> 00:31:39,741
ARE GOING TO BE INJECTING IT

1243
00:31:39,741 --> 00:31:40,708
INTO MY BUTT CHEEK.

1244
00:31:40,708 --> 00:31:41,109
>> Jimmy: OH.

1245
00:31:41,109 --> 00:31:42,644
>> WHICH IS LIKE ‐‐ HE EXPLAINED

1246
00:31:42,644 --> 00:31:44,412
TO ME, DON'T BE SCARED, THIS IS

1247
00:31:44,412 --> 00:31:46,414
THE FASTEST WAY FOR MEDICINE TO

1248
00:31:46,414 --> 00:31:47,482
REACH YOUR BODY.

1249
00:31:47,482 --> 00:31:48,416
I THINK BABIES GET SHOTS IN

1250
00:31:48,416 --> 00:31:49,517
THEIR BUTT, RIGHT?

1251
00:31:49,517 --> 00:31:50,485
>> Jimmy: I'VE HAD THIS WITH A

1252
00:31:50,485 --> 00:31:52,854
THROAT PROBLEM, YEAH, I WAS

1253
00:31:52,854 --> 00:31:53,288
HOSTING ‐‐ I SWEAR.

1254
00:31:53,288 --> 00:31:54,222
>> REALLY?

1255
00:31:54,222 --> 00:31:55,056
ARE YOU BEING FUNNY?

1256
00:31:55,056 --> 00:31:56,057
>> Jimmy: I'M NOT JOKING.

1257
00:31:56,057 --> 00:31:57,959
IT WAS BEFORE ‐‐ I THINK I WAS

1258
00:31:57,959 --> 00:31:59,194
HOSTING THE EMMYS OR SOMETHING,

1259
00:31:59,194 --> 00:32:01,095
I WAS LOSING MY VOICE.

1260
00:32:01,095 --> 00:32:02,397
THE DOCTOR CAME AND GAVE ME A

1261
00:32:02,397 --> 00:32:04,466
SHOT IN THE ASS, YEAH.

1262
00:32:04,466 --> 00:32:04,766
[ LAUGHTER ]

1263
00:32:04,766 --> 00:32:06,201
>> MAYBE THIS HAPPENED TO YOU

1264
00:32:06,201 --> 00:32:08,436
TOO, WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY.

1265
00:32:08,436 --> 00:32:09,771
I WAS LIKE, AS HE WAS NEARING ME

1266
00:32:09,771 --> 00:32:11,439
WITH THE NEEDLE, HE COULD SEE I

1267
00:32:11,439 --> 00:32:13,074
WAS SCARED OF THE NEEDLE, I

1268
00:32:13,074 --> 00:32:14,776
THINK I WAS CLENCHING HARD.

1269
00:32:14,776 --> 00:32:15,076
[ LAUGHTER ]

1270
00:32:15,076 --> 00:32:17,178
HE WAS LIKE, OH, DO YOU WANT ME

1271
00:32:17,178 --> 00:32:18,713
TO NUMB, NUMB IT?

1272
00:32:18,713 --> 00:32:20,181
AND I WAS LIKE, YES, NUMB IT.

1273
00:32:20,181 --> 00:32:24,752
I THOUGHT HE HAD A TOPICAL CREAM

1274
00:32:24,752 --> 00:32:27,989
OR SALVE OR SOMETHING.

1275
00:32:27,989 --> 00:32:29,090
HE USED AN OLD‐FASHIONED

1276
00:32:29,090 --> 00:32:30,558
TECHNIQUE HE SWEARS BY, WHICH IS

1277
00:32:30,558 --> 00:32:32,694
HE SLAPPED ME REALLY HARD ON THE

1278
00:32:32,694 --> 00:32:32,894
BUTT.

1279
00:32:32,894 --> 00:32:33,194
[ LAUGHTER ]

1280
00:32:33,194 --> 00:32:36,297
THEN INJECTED ME.

1281
00:32:36,297 --> 00:32:36,764
WHAT I WILL SAY IS ‐‐

1282
00:32:36,764 --> 00:32:37,365
>> Jimmy: WAIT A MINUTE, HOLD

1283
00:32:37,365 --> 00:32:37,532
ON.

1284
00:32:37,532 --> 00:32:39,133
[ LAUGHTER ]

1285
00:32:39,133 --> 00:32:42,070
HE SMACKED YOU?

1286
00:32:42,070 --> 00:32:43,171
>> TO HIS CREDIT, I DIDN'T

1287
00:32:43,171 --> 00:32:44,339
REALLY ‐‐ AGAIN, DIDN'T

1288
00:32:44,339 --> 00:32:45,373
UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON.

1289
00:32:45,373 --> 00:32:47,408
SO WHAT I WILL SAY, THOUGH, IS

1290
00:32:47,408 --> 00:32:48,910
THAT THIS TECHNIQUE, IF YOU EVER

1291
00:32:48,910 --> 00:32:51,346
HAVE TO GET A SHOT IN YOUR BUTT,

1292
00:32:51,346 --> 00:32:52,280
NEXT TIME YOU HOST THE EMMYS AND

1293
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:52,847
HAVE TO GET A SHOT IN YOUR

1294
00:32:52,847 --> 00:32:54,749
BUTT ‐‐

1295
00:32:54,749 --> 00:32:56,951
>> Jimmy: I SHOULD ASK MY DOCTOR

1296
00:32:56,951 --> 00:32:57,919
TO SPANK ME?

1297
00:32:57,919 --> 00:32:58,219
[ LAUGHTER ]

1298
00:32:58,219 --> 00:32:59,721
>> THE SPANKING IS [ BLEEP ],

1299
00:32:59,721 --> 00:33:03,091
I'M TELLING YOU.

1300
00:33:03,091 --> 00:33:03,491
[ APPLAUSE ]

1301
00:33:03,491 --> 00:33:05,793
BECAUSE I DIDN'T FEEL A THING.

1302
00:33:05,793 --> 00:33:06,761
AND I WAS ON ‐‐ YOU CAN WATCH

1303
00:33:06,761 --> 00:33:08,763
THAT EPISODE.

1304
00:33:08,763 --> 00:33:09,130
IT WAS GREAT.

1305
00:33:09,130 --> 00:33:11,032
>> Jimmy: YOU GOT A LITTLE SLAP

1306
00:33:11,032 --> 00:33:14,736
ON THE BATON MOUJE, SOUNDS LIKE.

1307
00:33:14,736 --> 00:33:16,971
YOU SANG A BTS SONG ON THE SHOW.

1308
00:33:16,971 --> 00:33:20,909
I WONDER WHAT THE FALLOUT IS.

1309
00:33:20,909 --> 00:33:23,211
WE'VE HAD BTS ON OUR SHOW, AND

1310
00:33:23,211 --> 00:33:24,345
PEOPLE ARE ABSOLUTELY ‐‐ THEIR

1311
00:33:24,345 --> 00:33:25,346
FANS, THEY WILL CAMP OUT.

1312
00:33:25,346 --> 00:33:26,314
THEY'RE PROBABLY STILL OUT IN

1313
00:33:26,314 --> 00:33:27,482
THE PARKING LOT WAITING FOR THE

1314
00:33:27,482 --> 00:33:30,018
NEXT TIME THEY COME ON.

1315
00:33:30,018 --> 00:33:30,752
THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY CRAZED FOR

1316
00:33:30,752 --> 00:33:31,786
THESE GUYS.

1317
00:33:31,786 --> 00:33:32,320
AND ‐‐

1318
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:33,254
>> ARMY.

1319
00:33:33,254 --> 00:33:34,656
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU HAVE TO BE

1320
00:33:34,656 --> 00:33:36,090
CAREFUL WITH AN ARMY, BECAUSE

1321
00:33:36,090 --> 00:33:36,624
THEY COULD ATTACK.

1322
00:33:36,624 --> 00:33:38,393
>> WELL, I AM ARMY.

1323
00:33:38,393 --> 00:33:39,260
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE PART OF THE

1324
00:33:39,260 --> 00:33:39,460
ARMY?

1325
00:33:39,460 --> 00:33:39,794
>> YES.

1326
00:33:39,794 --> 00:33:40,461
>> Jimmy: OKAY, THEN YOU WON'T

1327
00:33:40,461 --> 00:33:40,795
GET ATTACKED.

1328
00:33:40,795 --> 00:33:44,799
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1329
00:33:44,799 --> 00:33:47,502
>> BUT I DON'T EVEN REALIZE HOW

1330
00:33:47,502 --> 00:33:48,970
MUCH I WAS ARMY UNTIL THIS

1331
00:33:48,970 --> 00:33:50,672
HAPPENED.

1332
00:33:50,672 --> 00:33:51,239
LIKE ‐‐ AND I ALSO ‐‐ OKAY.

1333
00:33:51,239 --> 00:33:55,877
SO ‐‐ I ‐‐ WE KNEW WE WERE GOING

1334
00:33:55,877 --> 00:33:57,779
TO SING A SONG FOR THE FIRST

1335
00:33:57,779 --> 00:33:58,012
EPISODE.

1336
00:33:58,012 --> 00:33:59,981
I THINK I THREW OUT THERE, OH MY

1337
00:33:59,981 --> 00:34:01,516
GOSH, MAYBE THEY'LL LET ME COVER

1338
00:34:01,516 --> 00:34:03,718
A SONG BY MY FAVORITE BAND BTS,

1339
00:34:03,718 --> 00:34:04,152
I DON'T KNOW.

1340
00:34:04,152 --> 00:34:05,286
I THREW IT OUT THERE.

1341
00:34:05,286 --> 00:34:06,554
A COUPLE DAYS BEFORE WE WERE

1342
00:34:06,554 --> 00:34:08,189
GOING TO SHOOT THIS SCENE, WE

1343
00:34:08,189 --> 00:34:08,856
HAD A WHOLE COSTUME AND

1344
00:34:08,856 --> 00:34:10,858
EVERYTHING ALREADY.

1345
00:34:10,858 --> 00:34:12,894
THEY GOT THE RIGHTS.

1346
00:34:12,894 --> 00:34:14,495
THE PRODUCERS MIRACULOUSLY GOT

1347
00:34:14,495 --> 00:34:16,264
THE RIGHTS TO "DYNAMITE."

1348
00:34:16,264 --> 00:34:17,732
I REMEMBER BEING ON SET, I WAS

1349
00:34:17,732 --> 00:34:18,399
SUPER NERVOUS.

1350
00:34:18,399 --> 00:34:19,701
I HADN'T BEEN IN FRONT OF A LIVE

1351
00:34:19,701 --> 00:34:21,269
AUDIENCE IN A WHILE TOO.

1352
00:34:21,269 --> 00:34:23,571
AND LILY COLLINS, WHO'S THE

1353
00:34:23,571 --> 00:34:24,572
BEST, MOST SUPPORTIVE PERSON ON

1354
00:34:24,572 --> 00:34:26,741
SET EVER, I WAS LIKE, IF BTS

1355
00:34:26,741 --> 00:34:28,743
WERE EVER TO SEE THIS IN AN

1356
00:34:28,743 --> 00:34:29,911
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE, I WOULD WANT

1357
00:34:29,911 --> 00:34:32,180
TO MAKE THEM AS PROUD AS THEY

1358
00:34:32,180 --> 00:34:32,614
HAVE MADE ME.

1359
00:34:32,614 --> 00:34:33,581
>> Jimmy: OH, BOY.

1360
00:34:33,581 --> 00:34:37,185
>> AS A KOREAN, AS AN ARTIST.

1361
00:34:37,185 --> 00:34:38,953
WE PUT A LOT OF PRESSURE ON

1362
00:34:38,953 --> 00:34:39,754
OURSELVES.

1363
00:34:39,754 --> 00:34:41,089
FAST FORWARD TO THE SHOW COMING

1364
00:34:41,089 --> 00:34:42,190
OUT.

1365
00:34:42,190 --> 00:34:43,758
BTS, ALL THE MEMBERS JUST GOT TO

1366
00:34:43,758 --> 00:34:44,626
HAVE THEIR INDIVIDUAL INSTAGRAM

1367
00:34:44,626 --> 00:34:44,892
ACCOUNTS.

1368
00:34:44,892 --> 00:34:47,128
LIKE A WEEK BEFORE.

1369
00:34:47,128 --> 00:34:49,430
WHICH IS VERY EXCITING FOR ME AS

1370
00:34:49,430 --> 00:34:49,931
A FAN.

1371
00:34:49,931 --> 00:34:50,798
>> Jimmy: YEAH, LIKE DONALD

1372
00:34:50,798 --> 00:34:53,034
TRUMP'S NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO HAVE

1373
00:34:53,034 --> 00:34:53,334
THAT, YEAH.

1374
00:34:53,334 --> 00:34:57,405
[ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ]

1375
00:34:57,405 --> 00:35:01,876
>> AND SO R. M., RAP MONSTER, THE

1376
00:35:01,876 --> 00:35:02,543
LEADER OF THE GROUP, WHO YOU'VE

1377
00:35:02,543 --> 00:35:04,712
MET ‐‐

1378
00:35:04,712 --> 00:35:05,847
>> Jimmy: I'VE MET HIM, YEAH.

1379
00:35:05,847 --> 00:35:06,681
>> I SHOULDN'T TALK ABOUT THIS

1380
00:35:06,681 --> 00:35:08,716
I'M GOING TO START

1381
00:35:08,716 --> 00:35:09,117
HYPERVENTILATING.

1382
00:35:09,117 --> 00:35:11,219
>> Jimmy: OH, GOOD.

1383
00:35:11,219 --> 00:35:12,987
>> OKAY, ASHLEY, OKAY.

1384
00:35:12,987 --> 00:35:14,389
ANYWAY, THE SHOW COMES UP AND

1385
00:35:14,389 --> 00:35:16,524
R.M. POSTED ON HIS INSTAGRAM

1386
00:35:16,524 --> 00:35:18,259
STORY A CLIP OF IT AND WAS

1387
00:35:18,259 --> 00:35:18,726
LAUGHING ALONG.

1388
00:35:18,726 --> 00:35:19,927
AND I WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW,

1389
00:35:19,927 --> 00:35:23,765
DRESSED AS A HALF MAN, HALF

1390
00:35:23,765 --> 00:35:24,265
WOMAN, WITH A MOUSTACHE.

1391
00:35:24,265 --> 00:35:25,600
LIKE, HE COULD BE LAUGHING AT ME

1392
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:28,002
BUT I'M JUST INTERNALIZING THAT

1393
00:35:28,002 --> 00:35:28,369
HE'S LAUGHING.

1394
00:35:28,369 --> 00:35:31,205
A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER, V.

1395
00:35:31,205 --> 00:35:34,042
POSTED ON HIS FEED THE VIDEOD OF

1396
00:35:34,042 --> 00:35:35,009
THE NUMBER ‐‐ LIKE A BUNCH OF

1397
00:35:35,009 --> 00:35:35,376
PEOPLE ‐‐ RIGHT?

1398
00:35:35,376 --> 00:35:39,480
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1399
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:40,782
>> Jimmy: KIND OF LIKE YOU'RE IN

1400
00:35:40,782 --> 00:35:41,182
BTS NOW.

1401
00:35:41,182 --> 00:35:43,451
>> I WAS GETTING A MANICURE AT

1402
00:35:43,451 --> 00:35:44,419
THE TIME AND I COULDN'T STOP

1403
00:35:44,419 --> 00:35:44,652
SHAKING.

1404
00:35:44,652 --> 00:35:46,521
IT'S A MIRACLE I GOT A MANICURE.

1405
00:35:46,521 --> 00:35:47,789
>> Jimmy: I CAN SEE YOU'RE

1406
00:35:47,789 --> 00:35:48,623
GETTING CRAZY ABOUT IT RIGHT

1407
00:35:48,623 --> 00:35:48,823
NOW.

1408
00:35:48,823 --> 00:35:49,390
>> NO, JIMMY, I'M COOL.

1409
00:35:49,390 --> 00:35:52,560
[ LAUGHTER ]

1410
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:53,261
>> Jimmy: IT'S ALL RIGHT.

1411
00:35:53,261 --> 00:35:55,063
>> ANYWAY, THEY POSTED ‐‐ THE

1412
00:35:55,063 --> 00:35:56,230
WHOLE REST OF THE DAY, AS SOON

1413
00:35:56,230 --> 00:35:58,232
AS HE HAD POSTED THAT, I

1414
00:35:58,232 --> 00:35:59,033
COULDN'T THINK.

1415
00:35:59,033 --> 00:36:00,668
I COULDN'T TALK.

1416
00:36:00,668 --> 00:36:01,469
I COULDN'T GET UP.

1417
00:36:01,469 --> 00:36:02,804
AND I WAS LIKE, IS THIS WHAT IT

1418
00:36:02,804 --> 00:36:04,372
FEELS LIKE WHEN YOUR BODY GOES

1419
00:36:04,372 --> 00:36:04,872
INTO SHOCK?

1420
00:36:04,872 --> 00:36:06,974
MY SINUSES, MY HEAD WAS LIKE

1421
00:36:06,974 --> 00:36:07,175
THIS.

1422
00:36:07,175 --> 00:36:08,443
AND I WAS LIKE, I'VE NEVER HAD

1423
00:36:08,443 --> 00:36:09,844
THIS EXPERIENCE BEFORE.

1424
00:36:09,844 --> 00:36:11,212
I'VE NEVER BEEN A FANGIRL TO

1425
00:36:11,212 --> 00:36:12,613
THIS EXTENT.

1426
00:36:12,613 --> 00:36:13,815
THERE IS NO WORLD IN WHICH I

1427
00:36:13,815 --> 00:36:15,416
THOUGHT THEY WOULD EVEN SEE IT,

1428
00:36:15,416 --> 00:36:16,818
LET ALONE POST IT AND APPROVE

1429
00:36:16,818 --> 00:36:16,984
IT.

1430
00:36:16,984 --> 00:36:17,218
ANYWAYS.

1431
00:36:17,218 --> 00:36:17,518
[ LAUGHTER ]

1432
00:36:17,518 --> 00:36:24,625
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1433
00:36:24,625 --> 00:36:25,993
SO I WOKE UP, 24 HOURS, MY

1434
00:36:25,993 --> 00:36:29,597
FRIEND CARLEY CAME OVER TO MY

1435
00:36:29,597 --> 00:36:31,099
HOTEL, I WAS LIKE, I DON'T KNOW

1436
00:36:31,099 --> 00:36:32,467
HOW TO GO BEYOND THIS, WHAT IS

1437
00:36:32,467 --> 00:36:32,934
BEYOND THIS?

1438
00:36:32,934 --> 00:36:33,367
I DON'T KNOW.

1439
00:36:33,367 --> 00:36:36,237
THE NEXT DAY I HAD TO TAKE A

1440
00:36:36,237 --> 00:36:36,537
COVID TEST.

1441
00:36:36,537 --> 00:36:38,306
I HAD OMICRON.

1442
00:36:38,306 --> 00:36:40,341
WHICH IS WHY I WAS IN SUCH A

1443
00:36:40,341 --> 00:36:40,541
FOG.

1444
00:36:40,541 --> 00:36:41,142
>> Jimmy: OH!

1445
00:36:41,142 --> 00:36:42,944
>> LIKE, THE WHOLE DAY BEFORE

1446
00:36:42,944 --> 00:36:44,779
WHEN I COULD NOT GET UP ‐‐ BUT I

1447
00:36:44,779 --> 00:36:45,747
DIDN'T THINK IT WAS COVID

1448
00:36:45,747 --> 00:36:48,850
BECAUSE I THOUGHT THIS WAS ME

1449
00:36:48,850 --> 00:36:49,517
GOING INTO SHOCK.

1450
00:36:49,517 --> 00:36:52,019
>> Jimmy: BTS FEVER, YEAH.

1451
00:36:52,019 --> 00:36:53,087
THEY'RE BOTH DANGEROUS, YOU'RE

1452
00:36:53,087 --> 00:36:54,522
LUCKY TO COME OUT OF THOSE

1453
00:36:54,522 --> 00:36:54,722
ALIVE.

1454
00:36:54,722 --> 00:36:56,190
IT'S GREAT TO HAVE YOU HERE.

1455
00:36:56,190 --> 00:36:58,359
"EMILY IN PARIS" IS ON NETFLIX

1456
00:36:58,359 --> 00:36:58,793
NOW.

1457
00:36:58,793 --> 00:36:59,894
ASHLEY PARK, EVERYBODY!

1458
00:36:59,894 --> 00:37:01,129
THANK YOU, ASHLEY.

1459
00:37:01,129 --> 00:37:06,033
WE'LL BE BACK WITH LAUFEY!

1460
00:37:07,835 --> 00:37:08,569
>> Leo: THE JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

1461
00:37:08,569 --> 00:37:09,203
CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY

1462
00:37:09,203 --> 00:37:09,604
MERCEDES‐BENZ.

1463
00:37:09,604 --> 00:37:12,306
THE BEST OR NOTHING.

1464
00:37:14,408 --> 00:37:15,009
>> Leo: THE JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

1465
00:37:15,009 --> 00:37:15,810
CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY

1466
00:37:15,810 --> 00:37:16,110
MERCEDES‐BENZ.

1467
00:37:16,110 --> 00:37:18,646
THE BEST OR NOTHING.

1468
00:37:18,646 --> 00:37:21,015
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A WOLF MOON.

1469
00:37:21,015 --> 00:37:21,949
I WANT TO THANK JASON BATEMAN

1470
00:37:21,949 --> 00:37:23,017
AND ASHLEY PARK.

1471
00:37:23,017 --> 00:37:23,551
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON.

1472
00:37:23,551 --> 00:37:24,018
"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT.

1473
00:37:24,018 --> 00:37:24,819
BUT FIRST, HER EP IS CALLED

1474
00:37:24,819 --> 00:37:28,623
"TYPICAL OF ME."

1475
00:37:28,623 --> 00:37:29,490
MAKING HER U. S. NETWORK

1476
00:37:29,490 --> 00:37:30,792
TELEVISION DEBUT WITH THE SONG

1477
00:37:30,792 --> 00:37:33,961
"LIKE THE MOVIES," LAUFEY!

1478
00:37:33,961 --> 00:37:36,764
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1479
00:37:38,666 --> 00:37:38,833
♪

1480
00:37:38,833 --> 00:37:52,146
♪

1481
00:37:52,146 --> 00:37:54,649
♪ MAYBE ONE DAY

1482
00:37:54,649 --> 00:37:56,651
I'LL FALL IN A BOOKSTORE

1483
00:37:56,651 --> 00:38:05,226
INTO THE ARMS OF A GUY ♪

1484
00:38:05,226 --> 00:38:06,460
♪ WE'LL SNEAK INTO BARS

1485
00:38:06,460 --> 00:38:07,228
AND GAZE AT THE STARS

1486
00:38:07,228 --> 00:38:14,402
SURROUNDED BY FIREFLIES ♪

1487
00:38:14,402 --> 00:38:17,905
♪ OH, I'D LIKE TO SLEEP IN

1488
00:38:17,905 --> 00:38:22,243
TILL TWO ON A SUNDAY ♪

1489
00:38:22,243 --> 00:38:22,677
♪ AND LISTEN TO

1490
00:38:22,677 --> 00:38:24,946
THE BLUEBIRDS SIGH ♪

1491
00:38:24,946 --> 00:38:27,648
♪ GET SOAKED IN THE RAIN

1492
00:38:27,648 --> 00:38:30,985
AND SMILE THROUGH THE PAIN ♪

1493
00:38:30,985 --> 00:38:32,386
♪ SLOW DANCE UNDER

1494
00:38:32,386 --> 00:38:39,160
STORMY SKIES ♪

1495
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:40,928
♪ MAYBE I'M JUST

1496
00:38:40,928 --> 00:38:43,664
OLD FASHIONED ♪

1497
00:38:43,664 --> 00:38:47,435
♪ READ TOO MANY FAIRYTALES

1498
00:38:47,435 --> 00:38:50,204
IT'S NO WONDER

1499
00:38:50,204 --> 00:38:55,009
I'VE HAD NO LUCK ♪

1500
00:38:55,009 --> 00:39:01,916
♪ NO ONE'S EVER GOOD ENOUGH

1501
00:39:01,916 --> 00:39:03,050
I WANT A LOVE LIKE I'VE SEEN IN

1502
00:39:03,050 --> 00:39:04,986
THE MOVIES ♪

1503
00:39:04,986 --> 00:39:06,187
♪ THAT'S WHY I'LL NEVER

1504
00:39:06,187 --> 00:39:14,195
FALL IN LOVE ♪

1505
00:39:14,195 --> 00:39:15,296
SNETS DA DA DA LA LA LA DA DA DA

1506
00:39:15,296 --> 00:39:20,401
LA LA LA ♪

1507
00:39:20,401 --> 00:39:22,970
♪ DA DA DA LA LA LA DA DA DA LA

1508
00:39:22,970 --> 00:39:25,973
LA LA ♪

1509
00:39:25,973 --> 00:39:27,441
♪ DA DA DA LA LA LA DA DA DA LA

1510
00:39:27,441 --> 00:39:35,650
LA LA ♪

1511
00:39:35,650 --> 00:39:38,552
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA

1512
00:39:38,552 --> 00:39:39,253
♪ MAYBE I'M JUST

1513
00:39:39,253 --> 00:39:42,056
OLD FASHIONED ♪

1514
00:39:42,056 --> 00:39:43,557
♪ READ TOO MANY FAIRYTALES

1515
00:39:43,557 --> 00:39:50,364
IT'S NO WONDER ♪

1516
00:39:50,364 --> 00:39:52,199
♪ I'VE HAD NO LUCK NO ONE'S EVER

1517
00:39:52,199 --> 00:39:56,537
GOOD ENOUGH ♪

1518
00:39:56,537 --> 00:39:57,038
♪ I WANT A LOVE LIKE

1519
00:39:57,038 --> 00:40:05,313
I'VE SEEN IN THE MOVIES ♪

1520
00:40:05,313 --> 00:40:10,818
♪ THAT'S WHY I'LL NEVER

1521
00:40:10,818 --> 00:40:18,259
THAT'S WHY I'LL NEVER ♪

1522
00:40:18,259 --> 00:40:18,759
♪ THAT'S WHY I'LL NEVER

1523
00:40:18,759 --> 00:40:31,639
FALL IN LOVE ♪

1524
00:40:31,639 --> 00:40:31,806
♪

1525
00:40:31,806 --> 00:40:32,707
♪ THAT'S WHY I'LL NEVER FALL IN

1526
00:40:32,707 --> 00:40:45,519
LOVE ♪