>> Lou: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S
"JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!"
TONIGHT ‐‐
JASON BATEMAN.
ASHLEY PARK.
AND MUSIC FROM LAUFEY.
AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: OH!
WELL, HI, EVERYONE.
HI, GUILLERMO.
THANK YOU MUCH.
HI, EVERYBODY.
OH, VERY NICE.
VERY KIND.
I WELCOME YOU.
THANKS.
I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING US FROM
OUR HEADQUARTERS HERE IN
HOLLYWOOD WHERE ‐‐ YOU KNOW HOW
IT FEELS LIKE THE WORLD COULD
END AT ANY SECOND ALL THE TIME
NOW?
LIKE WE'RE THE LOUD MOUTH IN A
HORROR MOVIE AND YOU KNOW IT'S
COMING, YOU JUST DON'T KNOW
WHEN?
IF YOU DO, THIS ISN'T GOING TO
MAKE YOU FEEL ANY BETTER.
THIS MORNING IN CHICAGO, THEY
GAVE THE ANNUAL UPDATE ON THE
"DOOMSDAY CLOCK."
THIS IS A CLOCK THAT IS SUPPOSED
TO TELL US HOW CLOSE WE ARE TO
THE END OF HUMAN LIFE ON PLANET
EARTH.
IT'S NOT A FUN CLOCK.
IT'S NOT LIKE THE KIND OF CLOCK
FLAVOR FLAV WOULD WEAR JAUNTILY
AROUND HIS NECK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S A DEATH CLOCK.
THEY HAD THE YEARLY UNVEILING
TODAY, AND THIS IS WHERE THINGS
STAND APOCALYPSE‐WISE.
>> TODAY, THE MEMBERS OF THE
SCIENCE AND SECURITY BOARD DEEM
THE WORLD TO BE NO SAFER THAN IT
WAS LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME, AND
THEREFORE HAVE DECIDED TO SET
THE DOOMSDAY CLOCK AT 100
SECONDS TO MIDNIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IT'S KIND OF GOOD THAT
IT'S STILL WHERE IT WAS LAST
YEAR, RIGHT?
BY THE WAY, I COMPLAINED ABOUT
THIS LAST YEAR.
IF YOU'RE GOING TO SPELL OUT
DOOM, HOW ABOUT A BETTER CLOCK?
THAT CLOCK HAS NO SECOND HAND!
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS A CLOCK YOU WOULD BUY AT
Z GALLERIE FOR $3 WITH A AAA
BATTERY IN BACK OF IT.
SHOULD BE HAPPY WE'RE ONLY ‐
100 SECONDS TO MIDNIGHT.
WITH ALL THAT'S GOING, COVID,
INFLATION, DEMOCRACY ON THE
VERGE OF COLLAPSE, A NEW SEASON
OF "CHEER."
[ LAUGHTER ]
SOMEHOW WE'RE NO CLOSER TO THE
END OF THE WORLD THAN WE WERE A
YEAR AGO.
TODAY MARKS ONE YEAR SINCE
PRESIDENT BIDEN WAS SWORN INTO
OFFICE.
IT'S ALSO THE ONE‐YEAR
ANNIVERSARY OF DONALD TRUMP
SKIPPING THE INAUGURATION, LIKE
IT WAS DON JR.'S BIRTHDAY PARTY
OR SOMETHING.
[ CHEERS ]
ONE YEAR AGO TODAY,
DONALD AND MELANIA BOARDED AIR
FORCE ONE TO FLY HOME TO
FLORIDA.
AND THAT, WAS THE LAST TIME THEY
SAW EACH OTHER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT WAS ALSO A YEAR AGO TODAY
THAT WE GATHERED AROUND OUR
TELEVISIONS TO WATCH AS A
79‐YEAR‐OLD MAN MADE AN HISTORIC
STATEMENT.
THAT STATEMENT BEING,
MITTENS ARE IN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
A FASHION STATEMENT.
A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE DISAPPOINTED
WITH PRESIDENT BIDEN.
HIS APPROVAL RATING JUST REACHED
A NEW LOW AFTER HIS PRESS
CONFERENCE YESTERDAY.
THE PRESS CONFERENCE WAS A
SUCCESS IN THAT HE WENT NEARLY
TWO HOURS WITHOUT HAVING TO PEE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT OTHERWISE, IT WASN'T GREAT.
DONALD TRUMP OF COURSE WAS
WATCHING.
HE CAN'T TWEET ANYMORE, HE'S IN
TIME‐OUT.
SO HE WAS FORCED TO PUT OUT ONE
OF THOSE STATEMENTS.
AND THIS IS THE STATEMENT BY
DONALD TRUMP, 45th PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
HE WROTE, "HOW COME BIDEN PICKS
A REPORTER OFF A LIST, IN ALL
CASES SOFTBALL QUESTIONS.
AND THEN READS THE ANSWER?
I WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN ALLOWED
TO GET AWAY WITH THAT, NOR WOULD
I HAVE TO!"
HE RELEASED THIS WHILE BIDEN WAS
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PRESS
CONFERENCE.pHE REALLY IS THE WO
CRAZIEST EX.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BASICALLY, BIDEN IS
PETE DAVIDSON.
AMERICA IS KIM KARDASHIAN.
AND TRUMP IS A CHUBBY ORANGE
KANYE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND THE IDEA THAT THIS ‐‐ I
NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO
GET AWAY WITH IT?
HE GOT AWAY WITH EVERYTHING.
HE SHARPIED HIS OWN WEATHER ON A
MAP, OKAY?
[ LAUGHTER ]
THERE'S NOTHING HE DIDN'T GET
AWAY WITH.
BUT NOW HE'S JUST ANOTHER OLD
MAN IN FLORIDA COMPLAINING ABOUT
THINGS HE SEES ON TV.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WOULD LIKE HIM TO MAKE A
STATEMENT ABOUT EVERYTHING HE
SEES ON TV.
FOR INSTANCE, IF YOUR FAVORITE
BELOVED PRESIDENT HAD NOT BEEN
PERSECUTED AND TREATED VERY
BADLY AFTER THE SHAM ELECTION,
SPONGEBOB WOULD LIVE IN A BIG,
BEAUTIFUL AND HUGE PINEAPPLE ON
THE LAND!
LAND IS BETTER!
SEA IS WET.
SAD!
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
THE BOBBLEHEADS OVER AT FOX NEWS
HAD A LOT OF FUN WITH THE PRESS
CONFERENCE YESTERDAY.
HERE'S THE COMEDY TEAM OF
HANNITY AND INGRAHAM WITH THEIR
IN‐DEPTH AND UNBIASED ANALYSIS
OF WHEN BIDEN MEET THE PRESS.
>> IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.
OH MY GOD.
IT WAS ‐‐ IT WAS ABOUT THE WORST
AS I CAN REMEMBER FROM A
PRESIDENT, FRANKLY.
>> I HONESTLY AS AN AMERICAN,
AND I DON'T SAY THIS WITH ANY
JOY.
I FELT EMBARRASSED.
IT'S HUMILIATING.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT MADE YOU
EMBARRASSED?
THAT'S THE WORST YOU CAN
REMEMBER?
[ LAUGHTER ]
I GUESS MAYBE YOU FORGOT ABOUT
THIS.
>> WHAT DO YOU SAY TO AMERICANS
WATCHING YOU RIGHT NOW WHO ARE
SCARED?
>> I SAY THAT YOU'RE A TERRIBLE
REPORTER.
THIS SLEAZY GUY RIGHT OVER HERE
FROM ABC, HE'S A SLEAZE, MY
BOOK.
YOU'RE A SLEAZE.
YOU SHOULD SAY CONGRATULATIONS,
GREAT JOB.
INSTEAD OF BEING SO HORRID IN
THE WAY YOU ASK A QUESTION.
YOU SHOULD BE THANKING THEM FOR
WHAT THEY'VE DONE, NOT ALWAYS
ASKING WISEGUY QUESTIONS.
WHAT A STUPID QUESTION THAT IS.
WHAT A STUPID QUESTION.
STUPID, STUPID QUESTION.
STUPID QUESTION.
YOU DON'T HAVE THE BRAINS YOU
WERE BORN WITH.
THAT'S OKAY, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT
THINKING, YOU NEVER DO.
>> I'M SORRY.
>> NO, GO AHEAD.
>> THE PRESIDENT OF FINLAND, ASK
HIM A QUESTION.
>> DID YOU HEAR ME?
ASK HIM A QUESTION.
ASK THIS GENTLEMAN A QUESTION.
DON'T BE RUDE.
YOU ARE A RUDE, TERRIBLE PERSON.
YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF
YOURSELF.
YOU'RE A THIRD‐RATE REPORTER.
A QUESTION LIKE THAT IS JUST
FAKE NEWS.
YOU'RE JUST A FAKER.
YOU ARE THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE.
QUIET, QUIET, QUIET, QUIET,
QUIET, QUIET, QUIET, QUIET.
SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
>> NO, I'M ‐‐
>> SIT DOWN.
LOOK, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
BE NICE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: NOT EMBARRASSING AT
ALL.
THAT'S BEING BEST.
MEANWHILE, THE LEGAL WOES FOR
TRUMP ARE PILING UP.
I MENTIONED LAST NIGHT, THE
ATTORNEY GENERAL OF NEW YORK
SAYS SHE HAS EVIDENCE THAT THE
TRUMP ORGANIZATION ENGAGED IN A
PATTERN OF DECEPTION.
AND TODAY WE LEARNED THAT THE
DISTRICT ATTORNEY IN
FULTON COUNTY, GEORGIA, HAS
REQUESTED A SPECIAL GRAND JURY
TO LOOK INTO HIS POST‐ELECTION
SHENANIGANS THERE.
ON TOP OF THAT, THE SUPREME
COURT CLEARED THE WAY FOR THE
SPECIAL COMMITTEE LOOKING INTO
THE INSURRECTION TO REVIEW
700 PAGES OF DOCUMENTS TRUMP
WANTED KEPT SECRET.
AND WE GOT AN UPDATE FROM
CONGRESS TODAY ON WHAT TRUMP WAS
DOING BEHIND CLOSED DOORS IN THE
LEAD‐UP TO JANUARY 6th.
ACCORDING TO HIS FORMER PRESS
SECRETARY, TRUMP HELD SECRET,
"OFF‐THE‐BOOK" MEETINGS IN THE
WHITE HOUSE RESIDENCE.
IN THE PART OF THE HOUSE WHERE
HE LIVES.
STEPHANIE GRISHAM SAID THE
ATTENDEES AT THESE SECRET
MEETINGS WERE BROUGHT IN BY THE
WHITE HOUSE USHER, A MAN NAMED
TIMOTHY HARLETH.
THEY WERE NOT ENTERED INTO THE
OFFICIAL RECORD, WHICH COULD
MEAN THAT TIMOTHY HARLETH WOULD
BE SUBPOENAED BY THE ECONOMY,
WHICH WOULD BE A BIG DEAL FOR A
GUY WHOSE ONLY JOB ON THE THE
WHITE HOUSE SEEMED TO BE, WHAT
COMES UP ON GOOGLE IMAGES WHEN
YOU SEARCH HIS NAME, PICKING THE
WHITE HOUSE CHRISTMAS TREE.
YOU CAN SEE HE'S HERE MAKING
SURE THE TREE IS GREEN.
GETTING INPUT FROM THE LOCALS.
AND THEN HE PICKED THE WINNER
GAVE IT A LITTLE AMERICAN BOW.
THERE IS ONE OTHER PHOTO OF
TIMOTHY, LIGHTING A CANDLE AT
THE MOST EMBARRASSING
WHITE HOUSE MEAL OF ALL TIME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT COULD BE THE GUY WHO BRINGS
TRUMP DOWN.
TIMOTHY!
A SOLDIER IN THE WAR ON
CHRISTMAS COULD BE THE GUY TO DO
THIS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE WILL SEE.
AND WHILE THEIR LAST ATTEMPT TO
STEAL AN ELECTION MAY HAVE
FAILED, REPUBLICANS AND A COUPLE
OF DEMOCRATS IN THE SENATE,
MANCHIN AND SINEMA, ARE DOING
EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO MAKE SURE
THE NEXT ONE DOESN'T.
YESTERDAY, THEY BLOCKED A VOTING
RIGHTS BILL THAT, IF PASSED,
WOULD HAVE OUTLAWED
DISCRIMINATION AGAINST MINORITY
VOTERS AND MADE IT EASIER IN
GENERAL FOR ALL OF US TO VOTE.
REPUBLICANS WANT TO ADD
RESTRICTIONS TO VOTING BECAUSE
THEY'RE WORRIED ABOUT VOTER
FRAUD, EVEN THOUGH IT'S ALMOST
COMPLETELY NONEXISTENT, VOTER
FRAUD.
YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU GUYS BELIEVE
CLIMATE CHANGE IS NONE HIGH
EXISTENT, RIGHT?
HOW ABOUT COMING UP WITH SOME
RESTRICTIONS FOR THAT?
LET'S COMPROMISE ON THIS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AFTER THE VOTE, SENATOR
MITCH McCONNELL POKED HIS LITTLE
OLD HEAD OUT OF HIS SHELL TO
ACCIDENTALLY SAY WHAT HE REALLY
MEANS.
>> WHAT'S YOUR MESSAGE FOR
VOTERS OF COLOR WHO ARE
CONCERNED THAT WITHOUT THE
VOTING RIGHTS ACT THEY'RE NOT
GOING TO BE ABLE TO VOTE IN THE
MIDTERM?
>> THE CONCERN IS MISPLACED.
IF YOU LOOK AT THE STATISTICS,
AFRICAN AMERICAN VOTERS ARE
VOTING IN JUST AS HIGH
PERCENTAGE AS AMERICANS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: HE MEANS "REGULAR"
AMERICANS.
THE PINK ONES LIKE HIM.
MEANWHILE, IN TEXAS, THERE'S A
WINTER STORM WARNING IN EFFECT
IN TEXAS WITH POSSIBLE ICE
STORMS.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
IT'S TIME TO PACK YOUR JANSPORT,
SENATOR CRUZ!
[ APPLAUSE ]
YOU'RE GOING TO CANCUN!
I HAVE A FEELING HE'LL NEVER
TRAVEL TO MEXICO AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS A CRAZY VIDEO, SPEAKING
OF THE COLD.
THIS IS FROM HUNTINGTON,
WEST VIRGINIA, WHERE A REPORTER
NAMED TORI YORGEY SHOWED JUST
HOW DANGEROUS BREAKING NEWS CAN
BE.
>> NOW WE'RE STARTING TO
EXPERIENCE, UNFORTUNATELY, IN
FREEZE‐THAW WE SEE THIS, WATER
MAIN BREAKS.
>> OH MY GOSH, I JUST GOT HIT BY
A CAR, I'M OKAY.
I JUST GOT HIT BY A CAR BUT I'M
OKAY.
>> THAT'S A FIRST FOR LIVE TV.
>> I'M OKAY.
YEAH, YOU KNOW THAT'S LIVE TV
FOR YOU.
IT'S ALL GOOD.
I ACTUALLY GOT HIT BY A CAR IN
COLLEGE TOO, JUST LIKE THAT.
>> WOW.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE.
>> Jimmy: WEIRDLY, IT WAS THE
SAME GUY, SAME CAR.
HE'S BEEN HUNTING HER AWHILE.
WELL DONE, IF SHE DOESN'T GET
EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH, NOBODY
SHOULD EVER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
TIM DIDN'T CARE AT ALL.
TIM WAS ALMOST UNRESPONSIVE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE'RE ALL GETTING HIT WITH COVID
RIGHT NOW.
MAJOR BREAKTHROUGHS ARE
HAPPENING EVERY DAY.
RESEARCHERS AT YALE UNIVERSITY
HAVE INVENTED A WEARABLE DEVICE.
YOU CLIP IT ON YOUR CLOTHES, IT
DETECTS IF THERE'S COVID IN THE
AIR AROUND YOU.
THIS IS A RESEARCHER WEARING ONE
OF THE DEVICES.
IT'S THAT LITTLE GREEN THING
CLIPPED TO HIS COLLAR.
AND WHEN IT DETECTS COVID, THIS
SYMBOL COMES UP.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I GUESS ‐‐ YOU RUN?
I DON'T KNOW.
BAD NEWS, DUDE, I TESTED ROGAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
ACCORDING TO A NEW STUDY, ABOUT
HALF OF AMERICANS GAINED WEIGHT
DURING THE FIRST YEAR OF THE
PANDEMIC.
NO KIDDING.
DID WE NEED A STUDY FOR THAT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE ALREADY HAD A WAY TO LEARN WE
GAINED WEIGHT.
IT'S CALLED OUR PANTS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEY SAY THE MOST LIKELY GROUP
TO GAIN WEIGHT WAS MALES WHO
WRE WHITE OR HISPANIC, MARRIED,
OVER THE AGE OF 45, HAVE A
FULL‐TIME JOB, AND LIVE IN
WESTERN STATES.
GUILLERMO, DO YOU KNOW ANYONE
WHO FITS THAT DESCRIPTION?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Guillermo: NOBODY.
>> Jimmy: I FEEL LIKE THEY
SPECIFICALLY ISOLATED US.
WE WERE ALL THE THOUSAND POUND
SISTERS DURING THE QUARANTINE.
IT'S WHAT UNITES US.
AND ONE MORE THING BEFORE WE
BARREL AHEAD CARELESSLY.
IT'S THURSDAY NIGHT.
AND THAT MEANS IT'S TIME TO
BLEEP AND BLUR THE BIG TV
MOMENTS OF THE WEEK, WHETHER
THEY NEED IT OR NOT.
IT'S "THIS WEEK IN UNNECESSARY
CENSORSHIP."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> PRESIDENTS, THEIR [ BLEEP ]S
GO UP AND DOWN.
THE QUESTION IS WHAT DOES HE
HAVE TO DO TO GET HIS BACK UP
AGAIN?
>> 95, AS HIGH AS 98% OF THE
SCHOOLS IN AMERICA, ARE OPEN.
[ BLEEP ].
>> SHUCKS.
MESSES ARE EVERYWHERE.
WHETHER HALF THE SNACK IS UNDER
THE TABLE OR ME TAKING A
[ BLEEP ] ON THE TANK, COME ON,
NOW!
>> A PASTOR IN OKLAHOMA WHO ONCE
SOLD A SERVICE TO PRAY AWAY
COINDIVIDUAL IS POLL VAPOLOGIZIG
FOR RUBBING HIS [ BLEEP ] IN THE
EYE.
>> LYRICS SAYING, GOD SAVE ME
FROM THE CRASH JUST SO I CAN
BLOOET PETE DAVIDSON'S ASS.
>> A RESTAURANT SHUT DOWN FOR A
FEW DAYS BECAUSE IT WAS
ACCEPTING [ BLEEP ] PHOTOS
INSTEAD OF PROOF OF VACCINATION.
>> WE LOVE YOU, WE'RE SO
THANKFUL WE'RE HERE IN ARIZONA.
WHEN I'M ELECTED WE WILL
[ BLEEP ] YOUR BIG, BEAUTIFUL
[ BLEEP ].
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW
FOR YOU TONIGHT.
FROM "EMILY IN PARIS,"
ASHLEY PARK IS HERE.
WE HAVE MUSIC FROM LAUFEY.
AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
JASON BATEMAN.
>> Jimmy: TONIGHT, FROM "EMILY
IN PARIS" ON NETFLIX,
ASHLEY PARK IS WITH US.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THEN LATER, A VERY TALENTED
SINGER AND SONGWRITER, SHE IS
FROM ICELAND.
HER EP IS CALLED "TYPICAL OF
ME," MUSIC FROM LAUFEY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
NEXT WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS
WITH KRISTEN BELL,
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, HAS THE NEW
"JACKASS" MOVIE COMING OUT,
CHARLIE DAY WILL BE WITH US,
JAKE TAPPER FROM CNN, IKE
BARINHOLTZ, LADY GAGA.
WITH MUSIC FROM ERIC BELLINGER,
AND IAN DIOR FEATURING
MACHINE GUN KELLY AND
TRAVIS BARKER.
PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN
EMMY‐WINNING ACTOR AND DIRECTOR
WHO STARTED OUT AS A CHILD
ACTOR.
AND ON HIS 18th BIRTHDAY BECAME
AN ADULT ACTOR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU CAN SEE HIM PLAY THE WORLD'S
MOST LIKABLE MONEY‐LAUNDERER ON
THE 4th AND FINAL SEASON OF
"OZARK."
IT PREMIERES TOMORROW ON
NETFLIX.
PLEASE WELCOME JASON BATEMAN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M GOING TO SAY, I DON'T ‐‐
I DON'T ‐‐ THIS ‐‐ MOTHER.
I DON'T MISS THE MAGIC ELEVATOR
THAT YOU MADE US ALL COME OUT
OF.
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH.
>> FOR WAY TOO LONG.
>> Jimmy: WE GOT RID OF THAT
WEIRD FAKE ELEVATOR, YEAH.
>> WAS THAT YOUR IDEA?
>> Jimmy: NO.
>> YOU DIDN'T SEE IT?
>> Jimmy: I NEVER CAME THROUGH
IT MYSELF.
>> YOU SAW IT EVERY NIGHT.
>> Jimmy: I DID SEE IT, YEAH.
>> IT'S LIKE A BLIND SPOT FOR
YOU.
EVERYBODY ON THE SHOW, REMEMBER,
A LITTLE BOX, A MAGIC DOOR ‐‐
>> Jimmy: THEY HAVE NO IDEA.
>> THERE WAS A CELEBRITY IN
THERE.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> CURTAINS PEOPLE COME OUT
FROM.
JIMMY'S GOT AN ELEVATOR!
YOU COME UP FROM MEN'S SHOES OR
SOMETHING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE
IT MAKES IT SOUND MUCH BETTER
THAN IT ACTUALLY WAS.
>> IT WAS INSANE.
>> Jimmy: A REAL FRIEND WOULD
HAVE TOLD ME THAT WHEN IT WAS
HAPPENING.
>> OH, GOD.
WELL, IT'S OVER NOW.
>> Jimmy: I DO WANT TO SAY THANK
YOU TO YOU FOR APPEARING IN OUR
LIVE PRESENTATION OF "THE FACTS
OF LIFE" LAST MONTH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WAS LAST
MONTH?
THAT WAS LAST MONTH.
>> THAT WAS LAST MONTH, A LONG
TIME AGO.&
THAT WAS A PLEASURE.
THAT WAS SO FUN.
THE WIGS I COULD HAVE DONE
WITHOUT.
BUT WE WERE ‐‐ THE THEORY THERE,
RIGHT, WAS TO WEAR THE WIGS OF
THE ‐‐ SO THAT YOU LOOK EXACTLY
LIKE THE PEOPLE THAT ACTUALLY
DID THAT PARTICULAR EPISODE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, CLOSE ENOUGH.
>> BUT THERE WAS NO TICKER ON
THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN THAT
SAYS "THESE ASININE WIGS ARE AN
EFFORT TO AUTHENTICATE WHAT WE
ARE TRYING TO DO."
JUST LOOKED LIKE WE WERE GOING
FOR A CHEAP JOKE.
WHICH I'M NOT ABOVE DOING.
>> Jimmy: HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN
WHAT'SING ON, ON YOUR HEAD
TONIGHT THEN?
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, THIS IS ‐‐
>> Jimmy: BATEMAN STORMS OFF!
>> IT'S ALMOST A MULLET, ISN'T
IT?
>> Jimmy: YOUR HAIR GROWS LIKE
"TEEN WOLF."
>> YOU SHOULD SEE MY BUTTOCKS,
IT'S A DISASTER.
>> Jimmy: YOU AND YOUR BEST
FRIEND, WILL ARNETT ‐‐ IS WILL
YOUR BEST FRIEND?
>> AH, IT'S ‐‐ I DON'T HAVE A
LOT OF OPTIONS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IS IT STILL LAIF
GARRETT?
>> YOU AND WILL AND SEAN ARE
BATTLE FOR THE GOLD.
>> Jimmy: WHOA, LISTEN, I'M
GOING TO STEP IT UP, THEN.
>> THE BAR'S NOT THAT HIGH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU GUYS PLAY THESE
TWO JOCKS, MEATHEADS FROM THE
BOYS ACADEMY DOWN THE STREET,
TIM AND DINK.
WILL WAS DINK.
I WILL TELL YOU SOMETHING.
THE SHOW WAS REALLY FUNNY.
BUT THE FUNNIEST PART OF THE
SHOW WAS YOU GUYS SCREWING
AROUND DURING REHEARSALS THE
WHOLE TIME LEADING UP.
>> WILL AND I DIDN'T HAVE THAT
MUCH TO DO SO WE TRIED TO KEEP
EACH OTHER ENTERTAINED WHEN WE
WERE IN THE BACKGROUND OF A FEW
SHOTS.
I THINK I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE
GOING WITH THIS.
>> Jimmy: YES, I AM GOING THERE.
YOU GUYS SEEMED TO BE DOING A
SHOW WITHIN THE SHOW.
AND WE HAVE A CLIP OF THAT HERE.
>> I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
BLAIR ENDED UP WITH KARL.
TELL ME I'M DREAMING.
>> THE LITTLE PRINCESS ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: AND CORRECT ME IF I
HAVE ANY OF THIS WRONG.
WILL HIT YOU PRETTY HARD, RIGHT?
>> HIT ME PRETTY HARD, BECAUSE
THE FILMING OF IT.HT, THAT WAS ‐
IN REHEARSALS AN HOUR EARLIER,
HE LIKE PUT ‐‐ WE'RE TRYING TO
STAY IN THE SCENE IN CHARACTER.
HE'S DINK, I'M WHATEVER THE HELL
MY NAME WAS.
>> Jimmy: TIM.
>> TIM.
HE'S GOT HIS HAND ON THE TABLE
TALKING TO ME.
I GOT SICK AND TIRED OF WATCHING
HIM DO FAKE ACTING TO TRY TO
STAY ANIMATED IN THE BACKGROUND.
I JUST SMACKED THE CRAP OUT OF
HIS HAND.
BUT HE MOVED HIS HAND.
I REALLY HURT MY HAND.
HE THOUGHT THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST
THING IN THE WORLD.
SO THAT LITTLE IMPROV IS HIM
SAYING, ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK
HERE DOING FAKE ACTING WHAT ARE
YOU GOING TO DO, HIT MY HAND
AGAIN?
GUESS WHAT, WHACK!
I HIT YOU FIRST!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: YOU GUYS, YOU AND SEAN
HAYES AND WILL ARNETT HOST A
VERY, VERY FUNNY PODCAST CALLED
"SMARTLESS."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I SAW IT'S IN LIKE THE TOP 25
PODCASTS IN THE WORLD THIS YEAR.
>> ONE FUNNY EPISODE, IT WAS THE
ONE YOU WERE ON.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, NO, ALL THE
EPISODES ARE FUNNY.
AND YOU'RE GOING ON A TOUR.
WHAT CITIES ARE YOU GOING TO ON
THIS TOUR?
>> WE'RE GOING TO GO TO NEW
YORK, CHICAGO, D. C., L. A.,
BOSTON, AND MADISON, WISCONSIN.
>> Jimmy: THESE ARE BIG
THEATERS?
>> THESE ARE LIKE 3,000‐SEAT
PLACES, YES.
>> Jimmy: YOU'LL BE THERE DOING
THE PODCASTS?
>> YEAH, NO, SO THIS IS WHAT ‐‐
IT'S A REALLY DUMB IDEA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE WHOLE PODCAST ITSELF IS
INSANE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING.
AND THEN WE KIND OF JOKINGLY
SAY, WE SHOULD TAKE THIS THING
ON THE ROAD, YOU KNOW?
THEN WE GOT A PHONE CALL FROM A
BIG PLACE, THEY SAID, COME HERE
FIRST IF YOU WANT.
THEN THE ADULTS IN OUR LIFE
SAID, GUYS, YOU SHOULD THINK
ABOUT THIS, MAYBE GO ON A ‐‐ SO
WE'RE GOING TO GO.
BUT IT'S JUST FOUR IDIOTS, WELL,
THREE IDIOTS AND ONE RESPECTABLE
GUEST HAVING A CONVERSATION ON A
STAGE.
PEOPLE PAY MONEY TO SEE SINGING,
DANCING, STAND‐UP.
IT'S JUST US TALKING, YOU KNOW?
LIKE YOU GIVE A MONOLOGUE.
YOU HAVE A MUSICAL GUEST.
LIKE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ‐‐
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE TRYING TO SET
PEOPLE'S EXPECTATIONS LOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'M NOT, I JUST THINK IT'S A
BIG MISTAKE, NOW WE'RE TWO WEEKS
OUT, AND WE GOT TO GO DO IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND US DINGBATS DECIDED TO FILM
IT FOR A TWO‐PART DOCUMENTARY ON
DISCOVERY PLUS.
SO WE'RE GOING TO FILM BEHIND
THE SCENES OF OUR BIG ROCK TOUR!
>> Jimmy: WILL YOU BE TRAVELING
TOGETHER?
>> YEAH, WE'RE TRAVELING
TOGETHER.
WE'RE ‐‐ YOU KNOW.
WE'RE LIVING TOGETHER IN A BIG
SUITE.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE SEPARATE
BUSES?
OR WILL YOU BE ON THE SAME BUS?
>> WE'RE GOING TO DO ONE BUS LEG
FROM CHICAGO TO MADISON.
BUT THE REST OF IT IS FLYING IN
FEBRUARY.
>> Jimmy: BECAUSE I SAW AT VAN
NUYS PRIVATE AIRPORT, I SAW ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
THIS PLANE YOU GUYS HAVE GOT?
THE PEOPLE AT GREYHOUND SENT ME
ALL THESE DIFFERENT BUSES.
LIKE THERE'S A SEAN BUS, THERE'S
A WILL BUS, THERE'S A JASON BUS.
>> LISTEN.
WE ARE SOFT ACTORS.
WE NEED TO TRAVEL IN COMFORT.
BUT YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW
ABOUT ANY OF THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: DO YOU KNOW HOW THE
TICKETS ARE SELLING FOR THESE
EVENTS?
I'M GOING TO LET YOU KNOW
BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO KNOW.
B
PUT THAT UP.
I LOOKED AT TICKET MASTER.
THAT'S BOSTON.
>> THOSE ARE THE PURCHASED?
>> Jimmy: RED ARE THE AVAILABLE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: RED ARE THE AVAILABLE.
THIS IS LIKE THE MAP WE'RE GOING
TO SEE WHEN COVID FINALLY GOES
AWAY.
SO THAT'S GOOD.
EVEN THE RED ONES ARE LIKE
SCALPER TICKETS.
YOU'VE SOLD OUT COMPLETELY IN
BOSTON.
>> YEAH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: YET YOU'RE STILL
NONPLUSSED.
>> I'M SO AFRAID IT'S GOING TO
TURN INTO SOME KESEY "BIG
BROTHER" EPISODE WHERE THE
CAMERAS ARE CATCHING US BRUSHING
OUR TEETH IN OUR HOTEL ROOM ‐‐
>> Jimmy: DON'T BRUSH YOUR
TEETH.
>> SEAN WAKING UP GROGRY, WILL
WAKING UP WITHOUT HIS WIG ON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT WILL BE A GREAT EPISODE,
AMERICA, YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW.
NO ONE KNOWS, RIGHT?
THAT'S ALL ‐‐ YOU KNOW, HIS
STRATEGY WAS, NO ONE'S GOING TO
WIDOW'S PEAK KIND OF THING.
HE'S GOING TO HAVE A NICE THING.
NO, I'M LOOKING LIKE I'M GOING
TO START GETTING BALD BUT IT'S
ALL FAKE.
>> Jimmy: IF YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH
TO HAVE ALREADY BOUGHT TICKETS
YOU GET TO SEE WILL ARNETT'S WIG
LIVE AND IN PERSON.
>> HE'LL PROBABLY HAVE IT ON FOR
THE STAGE PIECE.
IN THE HOTEL ROOM, WE'RE GOING
TO GET THE CAMERAS ON IT.
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW I LOVE "
"OZARK."
WE'RE GOING TO SEE A CLIP FROM
THE NEW SEASON.
I'VE SEEN THE FIRST EPISODE.
>> YOU HAVE NOTES?
>> Jimmy: IT'S GREAT.
LET'S TAKE A BREAK AND THEN
WE'LL TAKE A LOOK.
JASON BASEMAN IS HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> THE NAVARRO CARTEL HAS BEEN
MADE AWARE BY YOU, DARLENE THAT
YOU INTEND TO START PRODUCING
HEROIN AGAIN.
AND THEY HAVE INSTRUCTED US TO
WARN YOU NOT TO.
NOT A JOKE.
>> NO?
>> NO.
>> DARLENE AND JACOB WERE IN
THEIR FARM WELL BEFORE YOU GUYS
EVER CAME TO THE OZARKS, SO ‐‐
>> OKAY, BUT WE DID COME.
IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD NOW.
THAT'S A FACT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S JASON BATEMAN
AS MARTY BIRD AND HIS FRIEND
DARLENE.
MORE ON THE ISSUES OF "OZARK."
THIS IS SEASON 4 BUT IT'S LIKE A
DOUBLE SEASON?
>> I DON'T ‐‐ WE DON'T ‐‐
>> Jimmy: THERE'S SEVEN EPISODES
COMING OUT TOMORROW.
>> YEAH RIGHT.
SO WE USUALLY DO 10 EPISODES
PERSON.
BUT WE KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO BE
THE LAST SEASON.
WE HAD MORE STORY TO TELL THAN
10 EPISODES SO 14 EPISODES.
THEN NETFLIX THOUGHT, LET'S
SPLIT IT UP, 7 AND 7.
THE FIRST 7 ARE THIS FRIDAY,
THEN THE SECOND 7 WILL BE ON AT
A DATE YET TO BE ANNOUNCED.
>> Jimmy: I SEE.
>> BUT IT WILL BE KIND OF SOON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT I'M TRYING TO
FIGURE OUT IS, DID WE GET BONUS
EPISODES?
OR DID WE GET CHEATED?
>> THAT'S JUST IT.
IT'S ‐‐ I'LL TELL YOU WHO GOT
CHEATED, IT'S THE PEOPLE WHO
WERE LOOKING FOR SEASON 5 RATES.
>> Jimmy: I SEE.
>> SO WE GOT 40 EPISODES OF
SEASON 4 RATES, YOU KNOW.
THESE PEOPLE AT NETFLIX, THEY'RE
SMART PEOPLE.
>> Jimmy: YOU DON'T GET 4 1/2?
THEY JUST RAISED THE PRICES ON
THE DAMN THING.
>> WE'RE EXTREMELY THRILLED WITH
EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING TO DO
WITH NETFLIX AND THE SHOW.
I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE EXCITED BY
HOW THE PLANE LANDS AS WE ARE.
>> Jimmy: I'M EXCITED ABOUT IT,
I CAN'T SPEAK FOR EVERYONE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SEPTEMBER 19th.
SEPTEMBER 19th, 19 ‐‐ I HAVE IT
WRITTEN DOWN ‐‐ 1984.
DOES THAT RING A BELL?
>> THAT WAS THE OLYMPIC YEAR?
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH.
>> SUMMER OLYMPICS?
>> Jimmy: THEY WERE OVER BY
THEN.
>> THAT WAS L. A., YES.
>> Jimmy: SEPTEMBER 19th, 1984,
IS THE MIGHT YOU MADE YOUR FIRST
APPEARANCE ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW"
WITH JOHNNY CARSON.
>> WITH ALL THE SUCCESS, BEING
YOUNG IN HIGH SCHOOL, DOES THIS
HELP WITH THE YOUNG LADIES?
>> UH ‐‐ IT'S ‐‐ IT'S ‐‐
ADVANTAGEOUS TO INITIALLY MEET
THE GIRL.
>> UH‐HUH?
>> BUT ‐‐ I DON'T REALLY WANT TO
GO OUT WITH A GIRL BECAUSE SHE
LIKES ME BECAUSE I'M AN ACTOR,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
YOU KNOW.
I WANT HER TO GO OUT WITH ME
BECAUSE SHE LIKES ME AS A
PERSON.
>> YEAH.
>> I JUST BROKE UP WITH THIS
GIRL I WAS GOING OUT WITH ‐‐
>> YOU WERE GOING ‐‐ DO THEY USE
THE TERM GOING STEADY ANYMORE?
>> THAT'S ‐‐ WELL, BACK ‐‐ I
THINK ABOUT TEN YEARS AGO, THEY
USED GOING STEADY.
>> OH.
MY MAIL HAS BEEN SLOW, I DIDN'T
KNOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S SO NUTS.
WHAT GOES THROUGH YOUR HEAD WHEN
YOU SEE THAT?
>> WELL, MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS,
DID I NOT KNOW I WAS GOING ON
TELEVISION THAT NIGHT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
COULD I NOT GRAB A PAIR OF
SOCKS?
>> Jimmy: I FEEL LIKE A LOT OF
THOUGHT WAS PUT INTO THAT, I'LL
TELL YOU WHY A LOT OF THOUGHT
WAS PUT INTO THAT OUTFIT.
IN YOUR PUBLICITY PHOTO FOR
"IT'S YOUR MOVE" ‐‐
>> SAME SWEATER.
>> Jimmy: IT'S THE SAME SWEATER.
YOU DO HAVE SOCKS ON.
>> I WENT FROM THAT SHOOT TO
JOHNNY, AND I THOUGHT, I'VE GOT
TO HIP IT UP, IT'S A NIGHT SHOW.
>> Jimmy: I THINK YOU LOOK
YOUNGER, BUT MAYBE THAT'S
MAKEUP.
THEN WE HAVE "BOP" MAGAZINE.
GUESS WHAT YOU WERE WEARING?
>> NO!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: VERY SAME SWEATER.
[ APPLAUSE ]
AND ‐‐
>> GUESS WHO HAD A FAVORITE
SWEATSHIRT?
>> Jimmy: YES, WHO'S GOT ANOTHER
ONE?
SO THAT'S A LITTLE SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW.
MIGHT BE A LITTLE LARGE.
DO YOU WANT TO PUT IT ON?
THERE YOU GO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
YEAH, THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT.
LET'S HAVE A LOOK.
OH, GREAT.
WONDERFUL.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
LOOKS REALLY GOOD.
JUST LOSE THE SOCKS AND WE'LL
REALLY HAVE SOMETHING.
>> PUT THE MICROPHONE RIGHT
HERE.
>> Jimmy: JASON, YOU HAVE BEEN
ON TELEVISION FOR A REALLY,
REALLY LONG TIME.
>> GOD, I HOPE PEOPLE ARE TUNING
IN RIGHT NOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I DO WANT TO GET BACK
TO ‐‐ IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR PUPPET
DIED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> KEEP TALKING, STALL.
>> Jimmy: LOOK WHAT A PRO HE IS.
HE KNOWS HOW TO PUT ON HIS OWN
MIC ‐‐ THAT'S A WHOLE LIFE
LESSON WHAT IS THAT IS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I DO WANT TO GET BACK TO "OZARK"
FOR A MINUTE BECAUSE "OZARK" IS,
AS MENTIONED, ONE OF MY FAVORITE
SHOWS.
NORMALLY WE'D ONLY SHOW ONE CLIP
FROM A SHOW.
>> WE'RE DOING A DOUBLE CLIP?
>> Jimmy: IT'S A DOUBLE CLIP
NIGHT.
>> GUYS, GUYS.
>> Jimmy: DOUBLE CLIP.
>> THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN.
>> Jimmy: IT NEVER HAPPENS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SINCE YOU GUYS SPLIT THE SEASON
INTO TWO PARTS ‐‐
>> OH, THIS IS A JOKE.
>> Jimmy: WE'VE SPLIT YOUR
CLIPS ‐‐
>> SON OF A BITCH.
SOMETHING HURTFUL, EVERYBODY,
GET READY!
>> Jimmy: LET'S WATCH AND LET
THE AUDIENCE DECIDE.
>> IT'S ADVANTAGEOUS TO
INITIALLY MEET THE GIRL.
BUT ‐‐ I DON'T REALLY WANT TO GO
OUT WITH A GIRL BECAUSE SHE
LIKES ME BECAUSE I'M AN ACTOR,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
YOU KNOW.
I WANT TO GO OUT WITH HER
BECAUSE SHE LIKES ME AS A
PERSON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HILARIOUS.
IT'S HILARIOUS.
I DO SOUND LIKE A LITTLE
11‐YEAR‐OLD GIRL.
>> Jimmy: WELL, IF YOU WANT TO
GO SEE AN 11‐YEAR‐OLD GIRL ALL
GROWN UP, HE'S ON TOUR WITH THE
"SMARTLESS" GUYS.
TICKETS ARE PRACTICALLY SOLD OUT
SO YOU'RE PROBABLY SCREWED ON
THAT.
SEASON 4 OF "OZARK" PREMIERES
TOMORROW NIGHT ON NETFLIX.
JASON BATEMAN, EVERYBODY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WE'LL BE BACK WITH ASHLEY PARK.
>>> COME WITH ME TO THE FUTURE!
NEXT WEEK ON "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE," KRISTEN BELL.
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE.
CHARLIE DAY.
COLEMAN DOMINGO.
JUDE HILL.
IKE BARINHOLTZ.
JAKE TAPPER.
AND LADY GAGA.
PLUS MUSIC FROM ERIC BELLINGER
AND IANN DIOR, FEATURING MACHINE
GUN KELLY AND TRAVIS MARKER.
THAT'S NEXT WEEK ON "JIMMY
KIMMEL LIVE."
YOU KNOW, THE FUTURE?
>>> HI, WELCOME BACK.
LAUFEY IS ON THE WAY.
OUR NEXT GUEST IS A TONY AND
GRAMMY‐NOMINATED PERFORMER YOU
KNOW AS THE CABARET SINGING
"ZIPPER PRINCESS" ON THE HUGELY
POPULAR SERIES "EMILY IN PARIS."
SEASON TWO IS ON NETFLIX NOW.
PLEASE WELCOME ASHLEY PARK.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: HOW'S IT GOING?
>> OH MY GOD!
JIMMY KIMMEL!
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, THAT'S ME.
>> IT'S YOU.
>> Jimmy: HOW'S EVERYTHING
GOING?
>> SO GREAT.
>> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS ON THE
SHOW.
I KNOW IT'S SUPER, SUPER CRAZY
POPULAR.
IN FACT, YOU GUYS GOT PICKED UP
FOR SEASONS THREE AND FOUR,
RIGHT?
>> YEAH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A BIG DEAL.
BECAUSE YOU KNOW, BATEMAN'S
SEASON GOT CHOPPED RIGHT IN
HALF.
YOU GUYS GOT DOUBLE, IT'S
RIDICULOUS.
>> WE'RE SO GRATEFUL.
THANK YOU, NETFLIX.
THANK YOU, EVERYONE, FOR
WATCHING.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: DO YOU SPEAK ‐‐ I KNOW
YOU SPEAK FRENCH ON THE SHOW.
DO YOU REALLY SPEAK FRENCH?
>> I DID TAKE SIX YEARS OF
FRENCH IN MIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH
SCHOOL.
I AM NOT FLUENT.
>> Jimmy: I SEE.
>> BUT YES.
BUT I ‐‐ WHAT'S FUNNY IS I,
ESPECIALLY THIS PAST SEASON,
HAVE RUN INTO A LOT OF LOCALS
WHO HAVE SEEN THE SHOW.
THEY ASSUME I'M FLUENT.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> BECAUSE THE CHARACTER IS
FLUENT IN FRENCH.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S GREAT.
>> IT'S RATHER INTERESTING.
I'LL BE AT A RESTAURANT AND A
WAITER WILL COME UP AND I'LL
TAKE OFF MY MASK.
THEY'LL SAY, OH MY GOSH!
THEY'LL START RATTLING OFF IN
FRENCH.
I DO NOT WANT TO OWE PHONED
THEM, SO I NOD AND SAY OUI.
THEY'LL SAY THE SPECIALS IN
FRENCH AND EVERYTHING.
I HAVE ENDED UP WITH LIKE THREE
MEALS BEFORE BECAUSE I KEPT ON
SAYING YES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT I'M GETTING BETTER.
I'M DETERMINED, SEASON THREE AND
FOUR, I WILL BECOME MORE FLUENT.
>> Jimmy: SEEMS LIKE YOU MUST BE
DOING A PRETTY GOOD JOB WITH THE
FRENCH YOU SPEAK ON THE SHOW IF
THEY THINK YOU'RE FLUENT.
AND IT DOESN'T SEEM ‐‐ IS IT
EVER A PROBLEM FOR YOU?
I MEAN, IS IT ‐‐
>> YEAH, I MEAN, I'VE RUN
INTO ‐‐ ONE SITUATION THAT WAS
RATHER INTERESTING, I DO SING ON
THE SHOW.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> THERE'S ONE DAY I WAS SINGING
ON A BRIDGE THESE TWO SONGS.
IT WAS FREEZING COLD.
AND I THINK EVERYBODY WAS IN A
PARKA, I WAS IN THIS SLINKY
SUMMER DRESS.
AND I COULD ‐‐ WHEN YOU'VE BEEN
SO COLD YOU CAN FEEL YOURSELF
CATCHING A COLD AS THE DAY GOED
GOES ON.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
SO THEY SENT A DOCTOR.
THIS ESTEEMED FRENCH DOCTOR TO
MY APARTMENT.
>> Jimmy: HOW DID YOU KNOW HE
WAS ESTEEMED?
WHO TOLD YOU?
>> THEY TOLD ME.
AND I STRESSED ‐‐ HE SEEMED
CENTERESTEEMED.
HE CAME IN LIKE ‐‐
>> Jimmy: OKAY, NOW YOU'VE SOLD
ME.
>> THANK YOU.
NO, HE HAD HIS DOCTOR BAG.
>> Jimmy: HE HAD A BAG?
>> YEAH, HE HAD A BAG.
ONE OF THOSE LEATHER SATCHEL
BAGS.
I FEEL LIKE THAT'S LEDGIT, RIGH?
>> Jimmy: NOT TOO MANY DOCTORS
HAVE THE BAG ANYMORE.
IF YOU HAVE THE BAG, YOU'RE
SERIOUS, SURE.
>> ANYWAYS, IMMEDIATELY HE WAS
LIKE, OH, OH, YOU!
HE RECOGNIZED.
THEN HE STARTED SPEAKING REALLY
FAST IN FRENCH.
AND I JUST WENT ALONG WITH IT
AGAIN, BECAUSE I COULDN'T SPEAK.
AND HE LOOKED AT MY MOUTH AND HE
WAS LIKE, TONSILLITIS!
AND I WAS LIKE, TONSILLITIS, I
KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
YEAH, THAT'S NOT GREAT.
CAN WE FIX THAT?
CAN WE FIX THAT, PLEASE?
HE WAS LIKE, SURE.
HE TOOK HIS SPECIAL BAG OUT.
>> Jimmy: TO TAKE OUT YOUR
TONSILS?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH.
AND ‐‐ WELL, HE TOOK OUT ALL
THESE CHEMICAL THINGS.
I WAS LIKE, THOSE LOOK AWESOME,
PUT THOSE INSIDE, LET'S GET
GOING.
HE WENT TO INJECT ME, I GAVE HIM
HIS ARM.
HE'S LIKE, NO ARM, CAN YOU LAY
DOWN?
SURE.
I LAID DOWN ON MY COUCH.
THEN HE SAID, NO, ON THE
STOMACH.
I WAS LIKE, OH, YOU WANT ME
FACING DOWN TO ‐‐ TO GET THE
INJECTION?
HE WAS LIKE, YES.
THEN I REALIZED QUICKLY THAT WE
ARE GOING TO BE INJECTING IT
INTO MY BUTT CHEEK.
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> WHICH IS LIKE ‐‐ HE EXPLAINED
TO ME, DON'T BE SCARED, THIS IS
THE FASTEST WAY FOR MEDICINE TO
REACH YOUR BODY.
I THINK BABIES GET SHOTS IN
THEIR BUTT, RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: I'VE HAD THIS WITH A
THROAT PROBLEM, YEAH, I WAS
HOSTING ‐‐ I SWEAR.
>> REALLY?
ARE YOU BEING FUNNY?
>> Jimmy: I'M NOT JOKING.
IT WAS BEFORE ‐‐ I THINK I WAS
HOSTING THE EMMYS OR SOMETHING,
I WAS LOSING MY VOICE.
THE DOCTOR CAME AND GAVE ME A
SHOT IN THE ASS, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> MAYBE THIS HAPPENED TO YOU
TOO, WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY.
I WAS LIKE, AS HE WAS NEARING ME
WITH THE NEEDLE, HE COULD SEE I
WAS SCARED OF THE NEEDLE, I
THINK I WAS CLENCHING HARD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE WAS LIKE, OH, DO YOU WANT ME
TO NUMB, NUMB IT?
AND I WAS LIKE, YES, NUMB IT.
I THOUGHT HE HAD A TOPICAL CREAM
OR SALVE OR SOMETHING.
HE USED AN OLD‐FASHIONED
TECHNIQUE HE SWEARS BY, WHICH IS
HE SLAPPED ME REALLY HARD ON THE
BUTT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEN INJECTED ME.
WHAT I WILL SAY IS ‐‐
>> Jimmy: WAIT A MINUTE, HOLD
ON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE SMACKED YOU?
>> TO HIS CREDIT, I DIDN'T
REALLY ‐‐ AGAIN, DIDN'T
UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON.
SO WHAT I WILL SAY, THOUGH, IS
THAT THIS TECHNIQUE, IF YOU EVER
HAVE TO GET A SHOT IN YOUR BUTT,
NEXT TIME YOU HOST THE EMMYS AND
HAVE TO GET A SHOT IN YOUR
BUTT ‐‐
>> Jimmy: I SHOULD ASK MY DOCTOR
TO SPANK ME?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THE SPANKING IS [ BLEEP ],
I'M TELLING YOU.
[ APPLAUSE ]
BECAUSE I DIDN'T FEEL A THING.
AND I WAS ON ‐‐ YOU CAN WATCH
THAT EPISODE.
IT WAS GREAT.
>> Jimmy: YOU GOT A LITTLE SLAP
ON THE BATON MOUJE, SOUNDS LIKE.
YOU SANG A BTS SONG ON THE SHOW.
I WONDER WHAT THE FALLOUT IS.
WE'VE HAD BTS ON OUR SHOW, AND
PEOPLE ARE ABSOLUTELY ‐‐ THEIR
FANS, THEY WILL CAMP OUT.
THEY'RE PROBABLY STILL OUT IN
THE PARKING LOT WAITING FOR THE
NEXT TIME THEY COME ON.
THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY CRAZED FOR
THESE GUYS.
AND ‐‐
>> ARMY.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU HAVE TO BE
CAREFUL WITH AN ARMY, BECAUSE
THEY COULD ATTACK.
>> WELL, I AM ARMY.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE PART OF THE
ARMY?
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, THEN YOU WON'T
GET ATTACKED.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> BUT I DON'T EVEN REALIZE HOW
MUCH I WAS ARMY UNTIL THIS
HAPPENED.
LIKE ‐‐ AND I ALSO ‐‐ OKAY.
SO ‐‐ I ‐‐ WE KNEW WE WERE GOING
TO SING A SONG FOR THE FIRST
EPISODE.
I THINK I THREW OUT THERE, OH MY
GOSH, MAYBE THEY'LL LET ME COVER
A SONG BY MY FAVORITE BAND BTS,
I DON'T KNOW.
I THREW IT OUT THERE.
A COUPLE DAYS BEFORE WE WERE
GOING TO SHOOT THIS SCENE, WE
HAD A WHOLE COSTUME AND
EVERYTHING ALREADY.
THEY GOT THE RIGHTS.
THE PRODUCERS MIRACULOUSLY GOT
THE RIGHTS TO "DYNAMITE."
I REMEMBER BEING ON SET, I WAS
SUPER NERVOUS.
I HADN'T BEEN IN FRONT OF A LIVE
AUDIENCE IN A WHILE TOO.
AND LILY COLLINS, WHO'S THE
BEST, MOST SUPPORTIVE PERSON ON
SET EVER, I WAS LIKE, IF BTS
WERE EVER TO SEE THIS IN AN
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE, I WOULD WANT
TO MAKE THEM AS PROUD AS THEY
HAVE MADE ME.
>> Jimmy: OH, BOY.
>> AS A KOREAN, AS AN ARTIST.
WE PUT A LOT OF PRESSURE ON
OURSELVES.
FAST FORWARD TO THE SHOW COMING
OUT.
BTS, ALL THE MEMBERS JUST GOT TO
HAVE THEIR INDIVIDUAL INSTAGRAM
ACCOUNTS.
LIKE A WEEK BEFORE.
WHICH IS VERY EXCITING FOR ME AS
A FAN.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, LIKE DONALD
TRUMP'S NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO HAVE
THAT, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ]
>> AND SO R. M., RAP MONSTER, THE
LEADER OF THE GROUP, WHO YOU'VE
MET ‐‐
>> Jimmy: I'VE MET HIM, YEAH.
>> I SHOULDN'T TALK ABOUT THIS
I'M GOING TO START
HYPERVENTILATING.
>> Jimmy: OH, GOOD.
>> OKAY, ASHLEY, OKAY.
ANYWAY, THE SHOW COMES UP AND
R.M. POSTED ON HIS INSTAGRAM
STORY A CLIP OF IT AND WAS
LAUGHING ALONG.
AND I WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW,
DRESSED AS A HALF MAN, HALF
WOMAN, WITH A MOUSTACHE.
LIKE, HE COULD BE LAUGHING AT ME
BUT I'M JUST INTERNALIZING THAT
HE'S LAUGHING.
A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER, V.
POSTED ON HIS FEED THE VIDEOD OF
THE NUMBER ‐‐ LIKE A BUNCH OF
PEOPLE ‐‐ RIGHT?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: KIND OF LIKE YOU'RE IN
BTS NOW.
>> I WAS GETTING A MANICURE AT
THE TIME AND I COULDN'T STOP
SHAKING.
IT'S A MIRACLE I GOT A MANICURE.
>> Jimmy: I CAN SEE YOU'RE
GETTING CRAZY ABOUT IT RIGHT
NOW.
>> NO, JIMMY, I'M COOL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IT'S ALL RIGHT.
>> ANYWAY, THEY POSTED ‐‐ THE
WHOLE REST OF THE DAY, AS SOON
AS HE HAD POSTED THAT, I
COULDN'T THINK.
I COULDN'T TALK.
I COULDN'T GET UP.
AND I WAS LIKE, IS THIS WHAT IT
FEELS LIKE WHEN YOUR BODY GOES
INTO SHOCK?
MY SINUSES, MY HEAD WAS LIKE
THIS.
AND I WAS LIKE, I'VE NEVER HAD
THIS EXPERIENCE BEFORE.
I'VE NEVER BEEN A FANGIRL TO
THIS EXTENT.
THERE IS NO WORLD IN WHICH I
THOUGHT THEY WOULD EVEN SEE IT,
LET ALONE POST IT AND APPROVE
IT.
ANYWAYS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SO I WOKE UP, 24 HOURS, MY
FRIEND CARLEY CAME OVER TO MY
HOTEL, I WAS LIKE, I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO GO BEYOND THIS, WHAT IS
BEYOND THIS?
I DON'T KNOW.
THE NEXT DAY I HAD TO TAKE A
COVID TEST.
I HAD OMICRON.
WHICH IS WHY I WAS IN SUCH A
FOG.
>> Jimmy: OH!
>> LIKE, THE WHOLE DAY BEFORE
WHEN I COULD NOT GET UP ‐‐ BUT I
DIDN'T THINK IT WAS COVID
BECAUSE I THOUGHT THIS WAS ME
GOING INTO SHOCK.
>> Jimmy: BTS FEVER, YEAH.
THEY'RE BOTH DANGEROUS, YOU'RE
LUCKY TO COME OUT OF THOSE
ALIVE.
IT'S GREAT TO HAVE YOU HERE.
"EMILY IN PARIS" IS ON NETFLIX
NOW.
ASHLEY PARK, EVERYBODY!
THANK YOU, ASHLEY.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH LAUFEY!
>> Leo: THE JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE
CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY
MERCEDES‐BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Leo: THE JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE
CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY
MERCEDES‐BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A WOLF MOON.
I WANT TO THANK JASON BATEMAN
AND ASHLEY PARK.
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON.
"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT.
BUT FIRST, HER EP IS CALLED
"TYPICAL OF ME."
MAKING HER U. S. NETWORK
TELEVISION DEBUT WITH THE SONG
"LIKE THE MOVIES," LAUFEY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
♪ MAYBE ONE DAY
I'LL FALL IN A BOOKSTORE
INTO THE ARMS OF A GUY ♪
♪ WE'LL SNEAK INTO BARS
AND GAZE AT THE STARS
SURROUNDED BY FIREFLIES ♪
♪ OH, I'D LIKE TO SLEEP IN
TILL TWO ON A SUNDAY ♪
♪ AND LISTEN TO
THE BLUEBIRDS SIGH ♪
♪ GET SOAKED IN THE RAIN
AND SMILE THROUGH THE PAIN ♪
♪ SLOW DANCE UNDER
STORMY SKIES ♪
♪ MAYBE I'M JUST
OLD FASHIONED ♪
♪ READ TOO MANY FAIRYTALES
IT'S NO WONDER
I'VE HAD NO LUCK ♪
♪ NO ONE'S EVER GOOD ENOUGH
I WANT A LOVE LIKE I'VE SEEN IN
THE MOVIES ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I'LL NEVER
FALL IN LOVE ♪
SNETS DA DA DA LA LA LA DA DA DA
LA LA LA ♪
♪ DA DA DA LA LA LA DA DA DA LA
LA LA ♪
♪ DA DA DA LA LA LA DA DA DA LA
LA LA ♪
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA
♪ MAYBE I'M JUST
OLD FASHIONED ♪
♪ READ TOO MANY FAIRYTALES
IT'S NO WONDER ♪
♪ I'VE HAD NO LUCK NO ONE'S EVER
GOOD ENOUGH ♪
♪ I WANT A LOVE LIKE
I'VE SEEN IN THE MOVIES ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I'LL NEVER
THAT'S WHY I'LL NEVER ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I'LL NEVER
FALL IN LOVE ♪
♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I'LL NEVER FALL IN
LOVE ♪