>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S
"JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!"
TONIGHT ‐‐
GWYNETH PALTROW, KAL PENN, AND
MUSIC FROM HARDY.
AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
THAT'S GREAT.
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.
I'M JIMMY.
I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW.
WE HAVE ALMOST A WHOLE AUDIENCE!
WE HAVE BEEN BUMPED UP FROM
50 TO 75% CAPACITY.
[ APPLAUSE ]
I'VE BEEN TOLD THAT ALL
125 MEMBERS OF OUR STUDIO
AUDIENCE ARE TESTED, VACCINATED
AND SEXUALLY AROUSED.
IS THAT THE CASE?
I LOVE THAT YOU HAD AN EXTRA
HOUR OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT,
THEORETICALLY.
DID YOU GET AN EXTRA HOUR?
>> YEAH, EVERYBODY DID.
>> Jimmy: NOT ME.
I DID NOT ENJOY AN EXTRA HOUR OF
SLEEP BECAUSE I HAVE A
FOUR‐YEAR‐OLD MANIAC LIVING IN
MY HOUSE.
THIS WAS MY CLOCK THIS MORNING.
WHEN MY SON BILLY WALKED IN AND
TAPPED ME ON THE HEAD TO MAKE
HIM FRENCH TOAST, I KNEW HE
WASN'T GOING TO EAT.
5:59 AM.
THAT'S AS BLURRY AS MY VISION
WAS.
AND WHY?
WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES?
DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME IS
SOMETHING BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, WHO
HAS BEEN DEAD FOR 230 YEARS,
CAME UP WITH AS A JOKE!
AND IT'S STILL SCREWING WITH US.
FOR NO REASON.
WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
CONSERVING WHALE BLUBBER FOR OUR
LAMPS ANYMORE.
HERE IN CALIFORNIA, WE VOTED TO
END THIS THREE YEARS AGO.
WE PASSED PROPOSITION SEVEN,
WHICH WAS SUPPOSED TO GIVE OUR
LOCAL AUTHORITIES THE AUTHORITY
TO END DAYLIGHT SAVING IN 2018.
IT GOT 60% OF THE VOTE, AND YET,
HERE WE ARE IN THE DARK AGAIN AT
FIVE O'CLOCK.
GOING AROUND THE HOUSE,
RESETTING ALL THE CLOCKS.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
I GOT UP BEFORE 6:00 THIS
MORNING.
KIDS DON'T KNOW IT'S DAYLIGHT
SAVING TIME.
I TRIED TO EXPLAIN IT TO MY
SEVEN‐YEAR‐OLD YESTERDAY, I
FINALLY JUST GAVE UP.
I WAS LIKE "JUST GO TO BED."
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
BY THE WAY, YOU KNOW WHO IS IN
CHARGE OF DAYLIGHT SAVING?
THE SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION.
PETE BUTTIGIEG.
MAYOR PETE.
THE LAST TIME PETE WAS ON THE
SHOW, I ASKED HIM TO END THIS,
AND HE SAID HE'D SEE WHAT HE
COULD DO.
YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?
HE DID NOTHING.
HE DID NOTHING AT ALL.
BUT NOW I'M HOPEFUL BECAUSE PETE
BUTTIGIEG HAS 2‐MONTH‐OLD TWINS
NOW.
NOW, MAYBE HE'LL UNDERSTAND WHAT
A NIGHTMARE THIS IS.
SAVE US PENELOPE AND GUS!
THOSE ARE THE BABIES' NAMES.
EVEN HISTORY'S WORST MAN, DONALD
J.O. TRUMP, SUPPORTS NOT
SUPPORTING IT.
"MAKING DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME
PERMANENT IS OK WITH ME!"
THIS IS BACK WHEN HE WAS ALLOWED
TO.
THIS IS A BIPARTISAN ISSUE.
LET'S GET A HASHTAG GOING TO
ENCOURAGE OUR SECRETARY OF
TRANSPORTATION TO MOVE ON THIS.
SO WE DON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH
IT AGAIN NEXT YEAR.
#GIVEDAYLIGHTSAVINGTHEBUTTIGIEG
GOOD LUCK SPELLING IT.
FORGET IT.
THE PICKLEBALL IS IN YOUR COURT,
PETE.
GET THIS DONE, YOU'LL BE CARRIED
THROUGH THE STREETS OF
WASHINGTON ON THE EXHAUSTED YET
THANKFUL SHOULDERS OF THIS
NATION'S PARENTS.
PLEASE, GET THIS DONE.
THANK YOU.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
WELL, IT ONLY TOOK ABOUT THREE
WEEKS, BUT OUR CRAZY
EX‐PRESIDENT FINALLY WEIGHED IN
ON THE TRAGIC ON‐SET SHOOTING
INVOLVING ALEC BALDWIN.
MAR‐A‐LARDO WENT ON A LOCAL
RADIO TALK SHOW HOST'S PODCAST
TO SUGGEST THAT BALDWIN MAY HAVE
LOADED THE GUN HIMSELF.
>> MAYBE HE LOADED IT.
REMEMBER THIS, WHO WOULD PUT A
GUN ‐‐ HERE, ALEC, HERE'S A GUN.
OH, GOOD.
LIFT IT UP, POINT IT AT A
PERSON, AND PULL THE TRIGGER.
AND OH, MAN, A BULLET CAME OUT,
SHE'S DEAD.
SO THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH
HIM.
HE'S A SICK GUY.
I'VE SEEN HIM FOR YEARS, BECAUSE
HE DID, I THOUGHT, A POOR JOB OF
IMITATING ME.
DARRELL HAMMOND DID A GREAT JOB.
>> Jimmy: HE STARTED AT MURDER
AND SOMEHOW WORKED HIS WAY
AROUND TO DARRELL HAMMOND.
AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING HOW A
FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES COULD SAY
SOMETHING SO RECKLESS,
INSENSITIVE, AND WRONG, I'M JUST
SURPRISED IT TOOK HIM THIS LONG.
I'M ALMOST PROUD OF HIM FOR
HOLDING OUT THREE WEEKS.
AND THEN, OF COURSE, HE TRIED TO
CLAIM THAT IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL
FOR HIM.
>> I DON'T LIKE HIM OR DISLIKE
IM.
I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW HIM.
BUT I'VE WATCHED HIM OVER THE
YEARS, BECAUSE HE DID SO MUCH
FOR "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
BUT HE'S A NUTJOB, A CUCKOO
BIRD.
USUALLY WHEN THERE'S SOMEBODY
LIKE THAT, IN MY OPINION, HE HAD
SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.
>> Jimmy: IN YOUR OPINION?
WHY DO YOU HAVE A OPINION ON
THIS SUBJECT?
OH, HE HATES BEING MADE FUN OF
SO MUCH.
HE'LL JUST ACCUSE ANYONE OF
ANYTHING.
THIS HAS GOT TO BE A TOUGH ONE
FOR ALEC'S BROTHER, STEPHEN.
THIS GUY YOU LOVE SO MUCH,
DONALD TRUMP, CALLS YOUR BROTHER
A MURDERER.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?
DONALD TRUMP'S DAYS ARE SO WEIRD
NOW.
IT'S BASICALLY WAKE UP, PLAY
GOLF, SAY SOMETHING RACIST TO
THE HOUSEKEEPER, CASUALLY ACCUSE
SOMEONE YOU DON'T LIKE OF A
CRIME, THEN BACK TO BED TO RUB
ONE OUT TO OAN.
SPEAKING OF BLOWHARDS PICKING
FIGHTS, HAVE YOU BEEN FOLLOWING
THE TWITTER FEUD BETWEEN
TED CRUZ AND BIG BIRD?
AFTER THE FDA APPROVED THE COVID
VACCINE FOR CHILDREN AGED FIVE
TO ELEVEN, BIG BIRD TWEETED, "I
GOT THE COVID‐19 VACCINE TODAY!
BIG BIRD IS LIKE A 6‐YEAR‐OLD.
MY WING IS FEELING A LITTLE
SORE, BUT IT'LL GIVE MY BODY AN
EXTRA PROTECTIVE BOOST THAT
KEEPS ME AND OTHERS HEALTHY."
AND TED CRUZ, WHO DESPERATELY
WANTS TO BE NOTICED, LASHED OUT.
"GOVERNMENT PROPAGANDA FOR YOUR
5‐YEAR‐OLD."
THIS IS HOW THEY THINK.
IF THE GOVERNMENT SAYS IT, IT'S
PROPAGANDA.
IF CONGRESS DOES IT, IT'S
SOCIALISM.
IF THE EXECUTIVE BRANCH DOES IT,
IT'S FASCISM.
IF THE PRESIDENT SAYS IT, HE'S A
DICTATOR.
AND IF THE MEDIA SAYS IT, IT'S
FAKE NEWS.
THE ELECTIONS ARE RIGGED, THE
DEEP STATE RUNS THE WORLD, AND
BIG BIRD IS WORKING FOR MERCK.
AND IT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE NOT
ONLY IS TED CRUZ VACCINATED, HE
WAS BORN WITH AN IMMUNITY THAT
PROTECTS HIM FROM CONTRACTING
ANY FRIENDS.
BUT THE TRUTH IS I THINK MAYBE
TED IS STILL SORE ABOUT
BIG BIRD'S MOST RECENT BOOK.
"BIG BIRD VISITS CANCUN TO FIND
TED CRUZ'S BALLS."
SPOILER ALERT: HE DIDN'T FIND
THEM.
NEWSMAX ANNOUNCED THEY WILL BE
REQUIRING THEIR EMPLOYEES TO GET
THE VACCINE.
WHICH IS SURPRISING.
THIS WOULD BE LIKE ARBY'S MAKING
THEIR STAFF GO VEGAN.
TODAY IS THE DEADLINE FOR
FEDERAL WORKERS TO BE FULLY
VACCINATED, AND THOUSANDS OF
THEM ARE CLAIMING RELIGIOUS
EXEMPTIONS TO TRY TO GET OUT OF
IT.
A RELIGIOUS EXEMPTION IS
BASICALLY ASKING GOD TO WRITE
YOU A NOTE TO GET YOU OUT OF
P.E.
IT IS A FANCIFUL IDEA
CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT EVEN
THE POPE SUPPORTS THE VACCINE.
IF YOU CAN PROVE YOU'RE MORE
RELIGIOUS THAN THE POPE, THEN
I'M OKAY WITH IT.
THE POPE OF GREEN BAY
QUARTERBACK AARON RODGERS HAS
BEEN PLAYING SOME VERY SPOTTY
DEFENSE.
AS I'M SURE YOU KNOW, RODGERS,
WHO IS UNVACCINATED, TESTED
POSITIVE FOR COVID LAST WEEK.
EVEN THOUGH HE TOLD REPORTERS HE
WAS IMMUNIZED MONTHS AGO.
RODGERS MISSED THE GAME
YESTERDAY.
HE TOOK A BEATING ON SOCIAL
MEDIA, AND SOME OF HIS SPONSORS
ARE DROPPING HIM OR SLOWING DOWN
ON RUNNING HIS ADS.
A‐RODG DEFENDED HIMSELF BY
SAYING HE TESTED NEGATIVE OVER
300 TIMES BEFORE TESTING
POSITIVE.
WHICH IS THE SAME KIND OF LOGIC
YOUR 95‐YEAR‐OLD GRANDMOTHER
USES TO JUSTIFY KEEPING HER
DRIVER'S LICENSE.
THEN AARON ATTEMPTED TO EXPLAIN
HIMSELF ON THE "PAT McAFEE
SHOW," A FORMER PUNTER FOR THE
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS.
AARON WAS ON TO FIRE BACK AT THE
WOKE MOB.
>> I GO BACK TO THESE TWO
QUESTIONS FOR THE, YOU KNOW,
THIS WOKE MOB.
NUMBER ONE, IF THE VACCINE IS SO
GREAT, THEN HOW COME PEOPLE ARE
STILL GETTING COVID AND
SPREADING COVID AND
UNFORTUNATELY, DIEING FROM
COVID?
>> Jimmy: RIGHT, AND IF
PARACHUTES ARE SO GREAT, HOW
COME ELEVEN PEOPLE DIED
SKYDIVING LAST YEAR?
THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS, THE
RISK OF DIEING FROM COVID IS 11
TIMES HIGHER IF YOU AREN'T
VACCINATED.
THIS IS A DUMB QUESTION.
BUT YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO HE IS
GETTING HIS MEDICAL ADVICE FROM.
>> I CONSULTED A GOOD FRIEND OF
MINE, JOE ROGEN.
>> Jimmy: THE GUY ON THE LEFT IS
TRYING NOT TO LAUGH.
ACCORDING TO RODGERS, ONE OF THE
THINGS ROGAN RECOMMENDED WAS
IVERMECTIN.
HERE'S THE THING I DON'T GET,
YOU WON'T TAKE THE VACCINE, BUT
YOU WILL TAKE IVERMECTIN.
THAT YOU KNOW IS SAFE.
"GOOD OLD IVERMECTIN!"
"NOW THAT'S A PRODUCT I CAN
TRUST!"
AND BY THE WAY, IF YOU'RE
LOOKING FOR ADVICE FROM A FORMER
HOST OF "THE MAN SHOW?"
NEXT TIME, CALL ME.
I HAVE A SECOND OPINION ON THIS.
HOW DOES SOMEONE WHO ALMOST
HOSTED JEOPARDY COME UP WITH
40 INCORRECT RESPONSES IN A ROW?
>> I WOULD, YOU KNOW, ADD THIS
TO THE MIX, AND AS AN ASIDE.
BUT THE GREAT MLK SAID, YOU HAVE
A MORAL OBLIGATION TO OBJECT TO
UNJUST RULES AND RULES THAT MAKE
NO SENSE.
>> Jimmy: BUT YOU DIDN'T OBJECT.
YOU PRETENDED YOU WERE
VACCINATED AND SNUCK AROUND.
ALWAYS A GOOD MOVE FOR A WHITE
MILLIONAIRE TO HALF‐QUOTE
DR. KING.
RODGERS IS CLAIMING HE'S BEING
CANCELLED, WHICH IS RIDICULOUS.
THE PACKERS ONLY SCORED SEVEN
POINTS WITHOUT HIM YESTERDAY.
HE'S NOT GETTING CANCELLED.
A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE COMPARING
HIM TO KYRIE IRVING, AND THAT'S
NOT FAIR.
KYRIE IRVING IS WRONG, BUT AT
LEAST HE'S HONEST.
AARON RODGERS LET EVERYONE
AROUND HIM THINK HE WAS
VACCINATED WHEN HE WASN'T.
HE'S NOT KYRIE IRVING, HE'S
BERNIE MADOFF.
ANYWAY, I WANTED TO GET TO THE
BOTTOM OF THIS STORY.
IT'S ABOUT A LOT OF PEOPLE TWO
HAVE THIS KIND OF LINE OF
THINKING.
SO WE DID SOME DIGGING.
WE ARE JOINED TONIGHT BY
AARON RODGERS' DOCTOR,
MILES BIRCHBANK.
THANKS FOR JOINING US, DOCTOR.
>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME, BUT
BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER, FOR
LEGAL PURPOSES, I NEED TO TELL
YOUR VIEWERS THAT I AM NOT
TECHNICALLY A DOCTOR.
>> Jimmy: OH.
WHAT ARE YOU THEN?
>> I AM A FULLY‐LICENSED
HOMEOPATHIC ENERGY HEALER SLASH
WELLNESS ALCHEMIST SLASH
VIBROLOGIST.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
WELL, CAN YOU TELL US IF
AARON RODGERS IS VACCINATED?
>> YES, I CAN SAY THAT AARON IS
FULLY ‐‐
VAXTERESTED.
>> Jimmy: HE'S WHAT?
>> HE'S VAXTERESTED.
IT MEANS HE'S INTERESTED IN
VACCINATION, AND HE'S HEARD OF
VACCINATION, AND HE'S GIVEN
BEING VACCINATED A GREAT DEAL OF
THOUGHT.
>> Jimmy: BUT HE'S NOT
VACCINATED.
>> OH, GOD, NO.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
I KNOW AARON TO BE A CRITICAL
THINKER WHO MARCHES TO THE BEAT
OF HIS OWN BONGO, AND HE DID
EVERYTHING DR. JOE AND I TOLD
HIM TO DO.
>> Jimmy: WHO IS DR. JOE?
>> DR. JOE ROGAN.
>> Jimmy: OH.
WHAT DID YOU AND DR. JOE TELL
HIM TO DO?
>> WELL, I STARTED WITH A
BASELINE MEDICINE THAT WE CAN
ALL AGREE ON, BEE POLLEN.
LOTS OF BEE POLLEN!
THIS GUY WAS POUNDING SO MUCH
POLLEN I THOUGHT THE BEES WERE
GONNA MAKE HIM THEIR QUEEN!
>> Jimmy: THAT DOESN'T SOUND
LIKE MEDICINE.
IT SOUNDS LIKE POLLEN.
>> I DISAGREE, BUT FOR LEGAL
PURPOSES, I AGREE.
COMPLETELY.
SO NEXT, I HAD HIM TAKING HOURLY
SOUND BATHS.
IF YOU THINK COVID RESPONDS WELL
TO VACCINES, WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE
HOW IT REACTS TO THE VIBRATIONS
FROM A HAND‐CRAFTED SINGING
BOWL.
SEE?
NO COVID.
>> Jimmy: NONE OF THIS SOUNDS
EVEN REMOTELY HELPFUL AS FAR
AS ‐‐
>> THEN JUST GENERAL COMMON
SENSE STUFF.
I MADE HIM RUN BACKWARDS FOR TEN
MILES WITH NO SHOES.
I HAD HIM WASH HIS HAIR WITH
BEET ROOT EXTRACT AND GAVE HIM A
HANDFUL OF LOOSE CRYSTALS TO
JUST SORT OF SWISH AROUND IN HIS
MOUTH FOR A WHILE.
I REALLY THREW THE KITCHEN SINK
AT THIS THING, BY WHICH I MEAN I
TOOK THE STUFF AT THE BOTTOM OF
MY KITCHEN SINK, MADE IT INTO A
PASTE, AND PUT IT IN HIS MORNING
MATCHA.
>> Jimmy: AND DID IT WORK?
>> IT WORKED AMAZINGLY WELL,
ALTHOUGH FOR LEGAL PURPOSES, I
SHOULD SAY IT DID NOT WORK.
AT ALL.
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> BUT HIS CHAKRAS ARE ALIGNED,
HIS CHI IS BALANCED, AND HIS
URINE HAS NEVER SMELLED MORE
LIKE KOMBUCHA!
>> Jimmy: IS THAT A GOOD THING?
>> IT'S A GREAT THING!
LOOK, WE SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON
WHAT MATTERS.
THESE TREATMENTS PROTECTED AARON
FROM GETTING COVID.
>> Jimmy: BUT DOESN'T HE HAVE
COVID RIGHT NOW?
>> OH YEAH.
BIG TIME.
HE MAY NEVER SMELL OR TASTE
AGAIN, WHICH IS GOOD BECAUSE HE
HATES MY TABBOULEH SALAD.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU DOING ANYTHING
TO HELP HIM GET BETTER?
>> I'VE BEEN DOING THIS!
[ SIRENS ]
HEY, I'D LOVE TO HANG OUT AND
SHOOT THE SHAMAN WITH YA, BUT
I'M SORTA IN THE MIDDLE OF
FLEEING THE COUNTRY UNTIL THIS
WHOLE MEDIA BLITZ DIES DOWN.
>> Jimmy: WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
>> CAN'T SAY.
>> Jimmy: WELL, ENJOY YOUR TRIP.
>> OH, A TRIP IS SOMETHING YOU
COME BACK FROM.
THIS IS NO TRIP.
I WILL BE FAKING MY OWN DEATH.
DON'T TELL THE GOVERNMENT!
>> Jimmy: I WON'T.
DOCTOR MILES BIRCHBARK EVERYONE.
>> DON'T FORGET TO PUT "DOCTOR"
IN AIR QUOTES!
>> Jimmy: WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW
FOR YOU TONIGHT.
KAL PENN IS HERE.
WE HAVE MUSIC FROM HARDY.
AND WE'LL BE BACK WITH
GWYNETH PALTROW.
SO STICK AROUND.
>> Jimmy: TONIGHT, HIS NEW BOOK
IS CALLED "YOU CAN'T BE
SERIOUS," KAL PENN IS WITH US.
HE LOOKS LIKE THIS.
THEN LATER, HE IS NOMINATED FOR
CMA NEW ARTIST OF THE YEAR.
HIS ALBUM IS CALLED "A ROCK."
MUSIC FROM HARDY ON THE
MERCEDES‐BENZ STAGE.
THIS WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS
WITH RYAN REYNOLDS,
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH,
KEVIN GARNETT, JAMIE DORNAN.
WE'LL HAVE MUSIC FROM
MAREN MORRIS, RYAN HURD AND
DUSTIN LYNCH FEATURING
MACKENZIE PORTER.
SO PLEASE JOIN US FOR EACH ONE
OF THOSE.
OUR FIRST GUEST IS A
MULTI‐TALENTED AND MULTI‐VITAMIN
SELLING OSCAR WINNER WITH A NEW
SHOW ABOUT THOSE THINGS CALLED
ORGASMS.
>> THERE'S THIS THING IN OUR
CULTURE WITH ESPECIALLY CIS
GENDER, HETERO SEXUAL MEN THIS
IS HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
WHEN YOU ORGASM.
SLOT A GOES INTO SLOT B AND
EXPLOSIVE, AND THAT'S HOW IT
WORKS.
ORGASM CAN BE ANYWHERE ON THE
BODY.
>> Jimmy: "SEX, LOVE AND GOOP"
IS ON NETFLIX NOW.
PLEASE WELCOME GWYNETH PALTROW.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> GOOD.
>> Jimmy: I LIKE THAT DRESS.
IS THAT A DRESS OR A SKIRT?
>> IT'S A DRESS.
>> Jimmy: I LIKE THE THINGS YOU
PICK.
I STARTED SUBSCRIBING TO GOOP
LIKE RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING, AND
EVERYONE WOULD MAKE FUN OF ME,
BECAUSE I WOULD BE LIKE ON
"GOOP" IT SAID.
HOW LONG AGO DID YOU START THE
NEWS LETER?
>> I STARTED IN 2008.
>> Jimmy: AND NOW IT'S BLOSSOMED
TO BECOME A COMPANY, A WEBSITE,
A BRAND, A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN
BUY IVERMECTIN?
>> NO, THAT YOU CANNOT DO.
>> Jimmy: A RELIGION TO SOME.
YEAH, I THINK YOU COULD START A
CULT IF YOU WANTED TO.
>> REALLY?
THAT DOES NOT SOUND FUN.
>> Jimmy: NO, THAT'S MORE OF A
GUY THING STARTING A CULT.
IT'S MORE FUN FOR MEN.
SO YOU'VE BEEN DOING THIS, AND
NOW A COUPLE OF TELEVISION SHOWS
HAVE COME FROM THIS.
AND ONE OF THEM IS THIS "SEX,
LOVE, AND GOOP."
AND THIS IS ‐‐ WHICH IT SOUNDS
KIND OF GROSS WHEN YOU PUT IT
NEXT TO SEX AND LOVE.
>> THAT'S WHY WE DID IT.
>> Jimmy: I WAS WATCHING THIS
SHOW OVER THE WEEKEND, AND THE
WOMAN WE SAW IN THE CLIP, THE
WOMAN ‐‐ NOW, SHE WAS LAYING ON
A ‐‐ YOU SAW THIS ONE, I GUESS?
>> I'VE SEEN IT, YES.
>> Jimmy: SHE'S LAYING ON LIKE A
THING, RIGHT?
AND THEN HER HUSBAND COMES OUT
AND HE LOOKS LIKE A MARVEL
COMICS VILLAIN FROM 1965, RIGHT?
HE'S BALD HEADED ‐‐
>> OH, YEP.
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
>> HE STARTS WAVING HIS HANDS
OVER HER LIKE THIS.
AND LIKE MAGIC, LIKE DR. STRANGE
OR SOMETHING.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: AND SHE STARTS
WRITHING AND MOANING, AND HE'S
LIKE, FAKE AIR RUBBING HER HERE,
AND SHE'S GOING CRAZY.
THEN SHE'S TOUCHING HER HERE AND
PULLING IMAGINARY STRINGS.
AND SHE'S GOING SEXUALLY CRAZY.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S NONSENSE,
RIGHT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, NO, IT'S
NOT.
THAT'S THE AMAZING THING IS
THAT, I MEAN, ENERGY IS
POWERFUL.
>> Jimmy: HAVE YOU TRIED THAT?
>> UMM, NO, I HAVE NOT.
BUT I AM OPEN TO TRYING IT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> WITH YOU.
>> Jimmy: WELL, LISTEN I WOULD
EACH LET THAT GUY DO IT TO ME
JUST TO SEE IF ANYTHING WAS
HAPPENING.
>> YEAH, I WOULD TO.
>> Jimmy: CAN WE PHONE HIM UP
AND SEE IF HIS MAGIC POWERS CAN
GET ME GOING?
BECAUSE THAT'S SOMETHING ELSE.
>> I BET THEY COULD.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE LIKE FIVE
COUPLES AND INTRODUCE THEM TO
VARIOUS EXPERTS IN THE FIELD OF
SEX.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WHERE DO YOU GET THESE
PEOPLE, CRAIGSLIST?
>> YES, CRAIGSLIST.
UMM, YOU KNOW, YES, IT'S TRUE
THAT ONE OF THE FOCUSES IS SEX.
BUT IT'S ALSO ‐‐ THE SHOW IS
REALLY ABOUT INTIMACY, AS WELL.
PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN IN
LONG‐TERM, INTIMATE
RELATIONSHIPS OR EVEN SHORTER,
INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS, LIKE
THINGS CAN COME UP REALLY
QUICKLY THAT FEEL LIKE
DISCONNECTS OR THAT KEEP YOU,
YOU KNOW, NOT QUITE TELLING
YOURSELF THE WHOLE TRUTH.
SO WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
INTERESTING TO MAKE A SHOW
AROUND THIS SUBJECT.
BECAUSE IT'S AN AREA WHERE
WHATEVER IS OUT OF ALIGNMENT IN
YOUR LIFE IT'S GOING TO SHOW UP
IN HOW YOU ARE WITH YOUR
PARTNER.
SO THESE COUPLES WE FOUND, IT
WAS THROUGH A CASTING PROCESS.
THEY WERE SO BRAVE AND AMAZING,
AND REALLY WILLING TO BE
VULNERABLE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> ON TV, IN ORDER TO TRY TO GET
CLOSER TO THEMSELVES AND THEIR
PARTNERS.
SO I WAS SUPER IMPRESSED WITH
THEM.
I'VE HAD SO MUCH AMAZING
FEEDBACK FROM THE SHOW THAT IT'S
HELP SOD MANY PEOPLE.
IT'S HELPED COUPLES HAVE
DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS WITH ‐E.
I HAD ONE FRIEND WHO SAID THEY
KEPT PAUSING IT AND NOW WE NEED
TO TALK ABOUT THIS AND THAT.
>> Jimmy: SO, REALLY?
>> I THANKED THE COUPLES FOR
COMING FORWARD AND PUTTING
THEMSELVES ON THE LINE LIKE
THAT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, IT REALLY IS
INTERESTING TO WATCH PEOPLE ‐‐
YOU HAVE AN OLDER COUPLE, AND
IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE PEOPLE THINK
THEY'RE OLD PEOPLE, WE LIKE TO
IMAGINE OUR PARENTS AREN'T DOING
STUFF.
>> THEY'RE RANDY.
>> Jimmy: AND THEY'RE ROLLING
AROUND ON THE GROUND AND THEN
THE ‐‐ THEY'RE LOOKING AT HIM
AND JUST KIND OF HUMPING EACH
OTHER ON THE SHOW.
AND SUSISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?
>> YOU KNOW, YOU MAKE IT SOUND
SO APPEALING.
>> Jimmy: WHAT IS THIS THING?
THIS IS A ‐‐ A SCRATCHER OR
SOMETHING?
>> WELL, IT CAN BE USED A COUPLE
OF WAYS.
IN THE SHOW, THE EXPERT THAT YOU
SAW IN THE CLIP, SHE IS TALKING
ABOUT ALL THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF
TOUCH AND TALKS ABOUT DIFFERENT
SEXUAL BLUEPRINTS THAT CERTAIN
PEOPLE ARE TURNED ON BY
DIFFERENT THINGS.
THERE'S A KINKY ONE, I THINK,
THIS GOES WITH.
SHE PUTS THIS WOLVERINE CLAW
DOWN ‐‐ PUT YOUR LEG UP HERE FOR
ME.
>> Jimmy: MY LEG?
ALL RIGHT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: SO THIS SHOW IS,
YOU ‐‐ I WOULD IMAGINE NOW THAT
YOU DO THIS LIKE FIRST RUN THAT
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO COME OUT OF
THE WOODWORK WITH ALL KINDS OF
STRANGE STUFF.
YOU TRY THIS STUFF OUT YOURSELF?
>> LIKE SOME OF THE MODALITIES
IN THE SHOW?
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> I'VE TRIED, YOU KNOW, A
COUPLE OF THEM.
I HAVEN'T DONE LIKE ENERGETIC
STUFF OR SEXILOGICAL BODY WORK,
WHICH IS PRETTY WILD.
BUT I THINK I WOULD BE OPEN TO
TRYING IT.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU FEEL LIKE ANY
SITUATION, WHERE THERE'S
SOMEBODY SITTING THERE TELLING A
HUSBAND AND WIFE IS GOING TO BE
SEXUALLY EXCITING IN THE FIRST
PLACE, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT USED
TO HAVING A COACH.
>> I THINK YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED A
LONG TIME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WELL, IT'S HARD TO
ARGUE WITH THAT.
WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A BREAK.
YOU KNOW I LIKE TO BUY STUFF FOR
MY WIFE FROM "GOOP."
SO WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE
GOING TO GO THROUGH YOUR
HOLIDAY ‐‐ BECAUSE IT'S TIME TO
START GETTING STUFF.
WE HAVE SHIPS FULL OF JUNK THAT
NOBODY CAN GET THE STUFF IN
RIGHT NOW, SO YOU HAVE TO ORDER
IMMEDIATELY.
>> YOU WANT TO START EARLY THIS
YEAR.
>> Jimmy: WE'RE GOING TO START
EARLY WITH GWYNETH PALTROW RIGHT
AFTER THIS.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Jimmy: YOU PICK YOUR MOST
FAVORITE ITEMS FROM GOOP AND YOU
SELL THEM, ESPECIALLY FOR
CLUELESS HUSBANDS LIKE MYSELF
AND YOU SELL THINGS LIKE THIS.
THIS IS A VITAMIN ‐‐
>> IT'S A SUPPLEMENT.
>> Jimmy: IT'S A SUPPLEMENT.
DOES THIS REALLY WORK?
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: IT DOES?
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: YOU SAY YES IN A VERY
SURE WAY.
>> YES!
>> Jimmy: WHAT HAPPENS IF A MAN
EATS THEM?
>> SHOULD WE FIND OUT?
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH.
I WILL TAKE IT.
HOW MANY ARE WE SUPPOSED TO
TAKE?
>> WOMEN ARE SUPPOSED TO TAKE
TWO.
>> Jimmy: I'M GOING TO TAKE FOUR
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
ALL RIGHT.
I HOPE NOTHING HAPPENS RIGHT
AWAY.
>> OH, WOW.
OH, MY GOSH!
[ APPLAUSE ]
MOMMY IS IN FOR IT!
>> Jimmy: NOW, THIS IS A ‐‐ THIS
IS KIND OF CUTE.
THIS IS A CROISSANT.
IF YOU OPEN IT UP ‐‐
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S A GOOD PLACE TO KEEP YOUR
DTF PILLS RIGHT IN THERE.
THIS IS SOMETHING I'VE BEEN
READING ABOUT, AND I WANTED TO
TRY THIS, BECAUSE THESE ARE LIKE
SUPER ‐‐ WHAT DO THEY CALL
THESE?
>> OISHII STRAWBERRIES.
WE DON'T SELL THESE AT GOOP, BUT
WE LIKE TO LINK TO OTHER FUN
THINGS.
THESE ARE APPARENTLY THE MOST
SPECIAL STRAWBERRY IN THE WHOLE
WORLD, AND THEY'RE HYDROPONIC.
THEY'RE LIKE, $50.
>> Jimmy: HOLY MOLY.
WOW.
JOIN LET ME KNOW IF YOU GET
SEXUALLY EXCITED.
TAKE THE REST OF THESE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
AND THEN WE HAVE ‐‐ OH, THERE
YOU GO.
AND THEN YOU MIND IF WE EAT THE
REST OF YOURS?
I HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE COVID.
AND THEN WE HAVE SOMETHING THAT
I'VE BEEN SEEING NOW.
IN FACT, BILL MURRAY WAS WEARING
THESE LAST WEEK, AND GUILLERMO
IS WEARING THEM RIGHT NOW.
THESE ARE ‐‐
>> THESE ARE GREAT.
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE THEY CALLED?
>> I FORGET THE NAME OF THEM,
BUT THEY PUMP YOUR LEGS, SO IF
YOU HAVE LACTIC ACID IN YOUR
LEG, THEY FILL WITH AIR AND
COMPRESS YOUR LEG.
>> Jimmy: HOW DO THEY FEEL,
GUILLERMO?
>> REAL TIGHT.
BUT THEY'RE VERY COMFORTABLE.
>> Jimmy: IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE
ZIPPED ALL THE WAY UP?
>> YEAH, BUT THE BELLY DOESN'T
LET IT.
>> Jimmy: AND THEN SOMEWHAT DO
THOSE DO EXACTLY FOR A PERSON?
>> SO THEY COMPRESS YOUR LEGS,
SO THEY HELP WITH CIRCULATION.
IF YOU WORK OUT, IT WILL
CIRCULATE THE LACTIC ACID OUT OF
THE MUSCLE VERY GOOD FOR
CIRCULATION.
>> IT'S FOR PEOPLE THAT WORK
OUT.
BUT THIS IS SOMETHING THAT YOU
WOULD BUY FOR ANYONE?
>> THIS IS LIKE IF YOU HAVE
SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE WHO IS VERY
FIT OR INTO WELLNESS OR THEY'RE
DOING A LOT OF WALKING OR
HIKING.
>> Jimmy: I SEE.
THEY WOULD PUT THESE ON.
AND WE WOULD TAKE A PICTURE AND
TEN YEARS LATER MAKE FUN OF
THEM.
WHAT HAPPEN IT IS YOU AND OPRAH
HAVE THE SAME FAVORITE THING, IS
THERE A FIGHT?
>> I DEFER TO OPRAH ALL THE
TIME.
>> Jimmy: IF SHE WERE TO HAVE
SOMETHING, YOU WOULD BACK OFF
AND SAY THAT'S ‐‐
>> IF SHE ASKED ME TO, OH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
YOU THINK OPRAH'S GOT THESE?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
BUT MAYBE I SHOULD SEND HER
SOME.
>> Jimmy: PLEASE SEND OPRAH A
PAIR OF THOSE AND SEE WHAT
HAPPENS.
>> I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
>> Jimmy: IT'S VERY GOOD TO SEE
YOU.
GWYNETH PALTROW, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH KAL PENN.
>> Jimmy: MUSIC FROM HARDY IS ON
THE WAY.
OUR NEXT GUEST IS A FORMER WHITE
HOUSE STAFFER AND EITHER HAROLD
OR KUMAR.
THEY'RE STILL SORTING IT OUT.
HE NOW ADDS "AUTHOR" TO HIS
RESUME WITH THE NEW MEMOIR "YOU
CAN'T BE SERIOUS," PLEASE
WELCOME KAL PENN.
[ APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> LIVE AUDIENCE.
THIS IS SO NICE.
>> Jimmy: IT'S NICE TO HAVE THEM
HERE.
IT REALLY IS.
SOMEBODY PUT THIS BOOK ON MY
DESK A COUPLE DAYS AGO.
I LOOKED AT IT FOR A SECOND AND
I THOUGHT IT WAS ME.
>> WE'VE GOTTEN THAT BEFORE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, IF I WAS MORE
HANDSOME AND YOUNGER, THIS COULD
POTENTIALLY BE ME.
BUT IT'S NOT.
I THOUGHT HEY, I WROTE A BOOK.
YOU COVER A LOT IN THIS BOOK,
INCLUDING HOW THAT YOU GOT A JOB
AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: WHICH IS VERY STRANGE
THE WAY YOU WENT ABOUT DOING
THIS.
>> YES.
I APPLIED ‐‐ I TOOK THE
SABBATICAL, I WAS ON THE TV SHOW
"HOUSE."
I APPLIED AFTER WORKING ON THE
OBAMA CAMPAIGN FOR A YEAR AND A
HALF BY PUTTING MY RESUME ONLINE
ON THIS WEBSITE.
THE CAMPAIGN SENT OUT AN EMAIL
SAYING IF YOU WANT A JOB ON THE
ADMINISTRATION, FILL OUT A FORM
ON CHANGE.GOV.
I TOLD MY ACTING MANAGER.
HE'S EVERY CHARACTER FROM THE
HBO SHOW "ENTOURAGE" IN ONE
PERSON.
I TOLD HIM, HE'S LIKE, YOU GOING
TO TAKE A SABBATICAL AND WORK AT
THE WHITE HOUSE?
OF COURSE, NOBODY CALLED.
AND THEN I GOT INVITED TO SPEAK
AT THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL.
BACKSTAGE, YOU CAN BRING YOUR
FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO MEET THE
INCOMING FIRST FAMILY.
MRS. OBAMA COMES OVER AND SHE
SAYS, HOPE YOU STAY INVOLVED.
AND I SAID, YEAH, DEFINITELY.
I'M THINKING SHE'S SAY THING TO
EVERYBODY.
AND DAN, MY MANAGER GOES, YOU
KNOW HE APPLIED FOR A JOB,
RIGHT?
SHE GOES, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YEAH, HE APPLIED A JOB AND
NOBODY CALLED HIM BACK.
AND I'M LIKE, YO, THIS IS NOT
THE TIME TO DO THIS AT ALL.
AND THEN SHE SAYS, WHO DID YOU
APPLY WITH?
AND I SAID, WELL I APPLIED ON
CHANGE.GOV.
AS SOON AS THOSE WORDS CAME OUT
OF MY MOUTH, I REALIZED HOW
RIDICULOUS THIS.
MRS. OBAMA HAS A LOW THRESHOLD
FOR B. S.
SHE CALLED THE PRESIDENT OVER
AND SAID TELL HIM WHAT YOU JUST
TOLD ME.
I WAS LIKE NO, NO, WELL, SIR, I
APPLIED FOR A JOB ON CHANGE.GOV.
AND HE LOOKED AT ME WITH SOME
AMUSEMENT.
THEY SAID LET'S LOOK INTO IT IF
THERE'S SOMETHING THAT YOU ARE
QUALIFIED TO DO.
IT TURNED OUT OUTREACH TO YOUNG
PEOPLE, OUTREACH TO
ASIAN‐AMERICANS AND WORKED WITH
THE ARTS COMMUNITY, THEY WERE
LOOKING TO FILL ONE JOB TO DEAL
WITH ALL THOSE.
SO IT WORKED OUT WELL.
>> Jimmy: HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT
PSYCHOLOGICALLY YOU APPLIED
ONLINE?
>> A, BECAUSE I'M VERY STUPID.
BUT B, AND THIS IS THE POINT OF
WRITING THAT CHAPTER THE BOOK.
OBVIOUSLY IT FEELSA IT LITTLE
SALACIOUS.
BUT IF YOU WORKED AT A COMPANY
ON A COMPANY, I STARTED ON THE
OBAMA CAMPAIGN.
IF YOU WORK AT A COMPANY WITH
THAT KIND OF GROWTH, AND YOU
WANT TO KEEP WORKING THERE, YOU
SHOULD TELL YOUR BOSS THAT.
TO THEM IT LOOKS ALMOST
DISRESPECTFUL THAT MAYBE YOU
DON'T WANT IT.
BUT I HAD THIS CHIP ON MY
SHOULDER LIKE, DO THEY THINK I'M
JUST GOING TO APPLY BECAUSE I'M
AN ACTOR?
BUT FOR THAT ADMINISTRATION ‐‐
>> Jimmy: I WOULD LIKE TO SEE
THAT RESUME, TOO.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
LINE ONE, SMOKED A TON OF WEED
WITH A FAKE PRESIDENT BUSH.
>> Jimmy: SOMEBODY PROBABLY
THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE.
>> THE JOKE WAS ‐‐ THIS WAS NOT
A JOKE, BUT WHEN I HAD TO DO THE
FBI BACKGROUND CHECK AND ASKED
YOU, HAVE YOU EVER SMOKED WEEK?
I'M LIKE, TWO MOVIES FULL.
AND THEY'RE TRYING TO HIDE THEIR
SMIRKS IN THE FBI INTERVIEW.
>> Jimmy: YOU ALSO TALK ABOUT
YOU ARE ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED TO
A JOSH, A MAN.
SOMETHING THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE
DON'T KNOW.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: WHEN ARE YOU GUYS
GETTING MARRIED?
>> WE GOT ENGAGED ALMOST THREE
YEARS AGO.
A CHAPTER I LOVE IN THE BOOK,
CHAPTER 18 HOW WE MET OVER A
CONVERSATION ABOUT NASCAR AND
BEERS.
AND THEN GOT ENGAGED THREE YEARS
AGO.
BECAUSE OF COVID, IT'S SORT OF
ON PAUSE.
BUT WE WILL SEE.
>> Jimmy: BEFORE I SHOW THESE
TWEETS, TELL US WHAT LED TO
THIS.
>> SO WE WERE FLYING TO L. A. FOR
SOME BOOK PROMOTION STUFF AND I
NOTICED THAT CARDI B WAS ON THE
FLIGHT.
SO AN EARLY FLIGHT FROM THE NEW
YORK.
I THOUGHT I HAVE TO SAY HELLO.
I FELL ASLEEP AND I HAD A DREAM
THAT CARDI OFFICIATED THE
WEDDING ON THE PLANE, AND WE
HELD HANDS WALKING OUT OF THE
AIRPORT.
I DIDN'T TAG HER BECAUSE I
THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE TACKY.
THEN SHE SAW IT.
>> Jimmy: FIRST WEDDING YOU SAY
HI.
SECOND, I'M LICENSED TO DO THAT.
SO LET ME KNOW.
SO WHEN YOU RESPOND, YOU'RE THE
BEST.
JUST GOING TO SAY BUT DIDN'T
WANT TO BE DISRESPECTFUL.
>> LOOK AT THE TIME CODE ON
THIS.
JOSH WAS ASLEEP WHEN I SENT
THIS.
I WAS IN BED AND I SAW HER
SWEET.
I'M LIKE, OH, MAN.
I'VE GOT TO WAKE HIM UP.
NO, EXECUTIVE DECISION.
CARDI B SAYS SHE'S WILLING TO
MARRY YOU.
OF COURSE I'M GOING TO SAY YES.
>> Jimmy: NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
AND JOSH, I ASSUME, AGREED.
>> HE SAID, OH, COOL.
>> Jimmy: AND CARDI B SAYS I'M
DOWN, I'M GET MY SUIT.
NOW IS SHE GOING TO MARRY YOU
GUYS?
>> I HOPE SO.
YOU KNOW, YEAH, WE NEED TO SET A
DATE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT WILL BE ONE
THING YOU HAVE TO DO, YEAH.
HOW WILL YOUR FAMILY FEEL ABOUT
HER MARRYING YOU?
>> WELL, IF WE DO AN INDIAN
WEDDING, THOSE CAN BE LIKE TEN
DAYS LONG.
I WOULD IMAGINE IF SHE'S GOT THE
TIME IN HER SCHEDULE, IT WILL BE
THE DAY THAT SHE OFFICIATES, AND
THEN NINE DAYS OF AUNTIES ASKING
HER ABOUT HER LYRICS.
>> Jimmy: WILL SHE HAVE TO STAY
FOR THE WHOLE TEN DAYS?
>> NO, IT'S VERY FLUID.
>> Jimmy: IS THERE A MOMENT,
THOUGH, AT WHICH THE PERSON DOES
THE, CAN YOU TAKE ‐‐
>> THERE'S A COUPLE CEREMONIES
LIKE THAT.
>> Jimmy: WHY ARE YOU MAKING
THIS SO DIFFICULT?
>> WE NEED TEN MINUTES OF HER
TIME.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S HOW YOU BOOK
CARDI B.
>> AND SHE CAN STAY FOR TWO
WEEKS.
>> Jimmy: SHE CAN EVEN BE FIVE
DAYS LATE AND STILL MARRY YOU
GUYS, NO PROBLEM.
>> NO ISSUE WITH THAT.
>> Jimmy: THIS WOULD BE
INCREDIBLE.
THAT'S ABOUT ‐‐ THAT WOULD BE
JUST AMAZING TO HAVE HER DO
THAT.
>> YEAH.
SHE'S WONDERFUL.
I WOULD BE SUPER DOWN.
>> Jimmy: I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE
STILL ONLY HALF.
GUILLERMO IS POPPING OVER THERE,
BY THE WAY.
>> YEAH, I THINK IT'S BROKE.
>> Jimmy: IT'S ABOUT TO EXPLODE.
IT'S VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU, KAL.
THIS IS THE BOOK CALLED "YOU
CAN'T BE SERIOUS."
KAL PENN, HIS INTERESTING LIFE
IS AVAILABLE NOW.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH MUSIC FROM
HARDY.
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: WE GOT SMOKE AND
EVERYTHING.
THIS IS HIS ALBUM, IT'S CALLED
"A ROCK."
HERE WITH THE SONG "GIVE HEAVEN
SOME HELL," HARDY!
♪
♪ CAN'T BELIEVE THAT
YOU GOT ME IN
A SUIT AND TIE ♪
♪ I HAD TO TAKE A PULL
SO I WOULDN'T CRY ♪
♪ YOU GOT A LINE OUT
THE CHURCH DOOR
SAYING GOODBYE ♪
♪ YEAH I BELIEVE 'EM
WHEN THEY SAY YOU'RE
IN A BETTER PLACE ♪
♪ YOU HAD A WILD SIDE
BUT YOU HAD AMAZING GRACE ♪
♪ I KNOW YOU'RE WAY
OFF UP IN THEM CLOUDS
BUT IF YOU CAN STILL
HEAR ME RIGHT NOW ♪
♪ I HOPE YOU HIT THOSE
GOLD STREETS ON TWO WHEELS ♪
♪ I HOPE YOUR MANSION
IN THE SKY'S GOT
A TEN‐ACRE FIELD ♪
♪ WITH SOME MUD AND
SOME HUBS YOU CAN LOCK IN ♪
♪ MAKE SOME THUNDER
MAKE THEM WONDER
HOW YOU GOT IN ♪
♪ HIDE YOUR BEER
HIDE YOUR CLEAR
FROM THE MAN UPSTAIRS ♪
♪ CRANK IT LOUD
HOLD IT DOWN
TIL I GET THERE ♪
♪ AND WHEN I DO
I HOPE YOU GOT SOME
NEW STORIES TO TELL ♪
♪ TIL THEN
GIVE HEAVEN SOME HELL ♪
♪
♪ I BET YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR A CREW LIKE WE HAD
BUNCH OF NOISE‐MAKIN' BOYS
THAT LIKE TO LIVE FAST ♪
♪ BURNING RUBBER
IN A PARKING LOT ♪
♪ MAN I DON'T KNOW
IF THE OTHER SIDE'S
READY OR NOT BUT ♪
♪ I HOPE YOU HIT
THOSE GOLD STREETS
ON TWO WHEELS ♪
♪ I HOPE YOUR MANSION
IN THE SKY'S GOT
A TEN‐ACRE FIELD ♪
♪ WITH SOME MUD AND
SOME HUBS YOU CAN LOCK IN ♪
♪ MAKE SOME THUNDER
MAKE 'EM WONDER
HOW YOU GOT IN ♪
♪ HIDE YOUR BEER
HIDE YOUR CLEAR
FROM THE MAN UPSTAIRS ♪
♪ CRANK IT LOUD
HOLD IT DOWN
TIL I GET THERE ♪
♪ AND WHEN I DO
I HOPE YOU GOT SOME
NEW STORIES TO TELL ♪
♪ TIL THEN
GIVE HEAVEN SOME HELL ♪
♪ I WAS THERE WHEN
YOU RAISED YOUR HAND
HEADS BOWED
SINGING JUST AS I AM ♪
♪ WALKING THAT AISLE
PRAYING THAT PRAYER
MAN IT AIN'T RIGHT
BUT IF YOU GOTTA BE THERE ♪
♪ I HOPE YOU HIT
THOSE GOLD STREETS
ON TWO WHEELS ♪
♪ HOPE YOUR MANSION
IN THE SKY'S GOT
A TEN‐ACRE FIELD ♪
♪ WITH SOME MUD AND
SOME HUBS YOU CAN LOCK IN ♪
♪ MAKE SOME THUNDER
MAKE THEM WONDER
HOW YOU GOT IN ♪
♪ HIDE YOUR BEER
HIDE YOUR CLEAR
FROM THE MAN UPSTAIRS ♪
♪ CRANK IT LOUD
HOLD IT DOWN
UNTIL I GET THERE ♪
♪ AND WHEN I DO
I HOPE YOU GOT
SOME NEW STORIES TO TELL ♪
♪ TIL THEN
GIVE HEAVEN SOME HELL ♪
♪ I WAS THERE WHEN
YOU RAISED YOUR HAND
HEADS BOWED
SINGING JUST AS I AM ♪
♪ MAN IT AIN'T RIGHT
MAN IT AIN'T FAIR
I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN ♪
♪ BUT TIL THEN
GIVE HEAVEN SOME HELL ♪
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK
GWYNETH PALTROW, KAL PENN, AND
HARDY.
AND FOR BRINGING ALL THE SMOKE.
WE HAVEN'T HAD IT IN QUITE
SOMETIME.
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON.
WE RAN OUT OF TIME FOR HIM.
TOMORROW NIGHT, JAMIE DORNAN AND
JESSICA WILLIAMS WITH MUSIC FROM
DUSTIN LYNCH AND
MACKENZIE PORTER.
"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT.
THANKS FOR WATCHING, GOODNIGHT.