>>> FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" WITH GUEST HOST
PHOEBE ROBINSON! TONIGHT ‐‐ CHELSEA HANDLER, CHRIS BOSH,
2021 SCRIPPS NATIONAL SPELLING BEE CHAMPION, ZAILA AVANT‐GARDE.
AND MUSIC FROM MONEYBAGG YO.
AND NOW, PHOEBE ROBINSON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> GIVE YOU A SPIN. GIVE YOU ANOTHER SPIN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HELLO. AND WELCOME TO "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE." I'M YOUR GUEST HOST, PHOEBE
ROBINSON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS DRESS. I'M GIVING YOU STUDIO 54
REALNESS, HONEY. OKAY. I GOT TO BE HONEST.
I HAD A TOUGH WEEK, YOU GUYS.
>> I KNOW. THE OTHER NIGHT, MY BOYFRIEND
FORCED ME TO WATCH A 90‐MINUTE DOCUMENTARY ABOUT ZZ TOP.
BUT I GUESS IT'S MY FAULT FOR DATING WHITE PEOPLE.
I BROUGHT THIS ON MYSELF. RIGHT, GUILLERMO?
>> Guillermo: WHITE PEOPLE ARE THE WORSE.
>> Phoebe: HOW MANY ARE YOU ARE
VISITING FROM OUT OF TOWN? ME TOO.
I FLEW IN FROM BROOKLYN TO DO THIS.
6 HOURS, 4 MASKS, 12 RERUNS OF "BIG BANG THEORY." IT WAS GRIM.
I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN ANXIOUS TO FLY, AND NOT JUST BECAUSE OF
COVID, BECAUSE CRAZY STUFF LIKE THIS IS HAPPENING ON PLANES.
>> WITH MORE AND MORE PASSENGERS GOING NUTS ON AIRPLANES AND
EPISODES OF VIOLENCE ON AIRLINES, THE TSA IS CONDUCTING
SELF‐DEFENSE CLASSES LIKE THIS FOR FLIGHT ATTENDANTS AND CREWS.
THEY WILL LEARN HOW TO RESTRAIN OUT‐OF‐CONTROL PASSENGERS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: OH, BOY.
I CAN SMELL THE ACTIVIA YOGURT FROM HERE.
THE FIRST RULE OF FLIGHT CLUB IS YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FLIGHT
CLUB.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
SO HERE I AM IN L. A.
WHICH, ACCORDING TO "U. S. NEWS &
WORLD REPORT," IS THE 126th BEST CITY TO LIVE IN.
THAT IS SO RUDE, Y'ALL. YOU KNOW WHAT CITY IS NUMBER ONE?
BOULDER, COLORADO. YEAH. APPARENTLY THE BEST PLACE TO
LIVE IS NAMED AFTER SOMETHING THAT CAN CRUSH YOU TO DEATH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE CITIES WERE RANKED BASED ON SEVERAL FACTORS, LIKE
AFFORDABILITY, JOB PROSPECTS, AND KARENS PER CAPITA.
NEW YORK CITY, WHERE I LIVE, CAME IN AT 118 ON THE LIST.
BUT DON'T WORRY, IT'S STILL THE NUMBER ONE PLACE TO SEE A DUDE
MASTURBATE ON THE L‐TRAIN. THIS PROBABLY ISN'T HELPING
NEW YORK CITY'S RANKING. THERE IS A RESTAURANT ON THE
UPPER EAST SIDE, THAT IS SELLING FRENCH FRIES, FOR $200.
OKAY, I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP,
YOU GUYS.
THESE ARE THE FRIES.
WE'VE FINALLY DONE IT. WE'VE GENTRIFIED POTATOES.
THEY'RE CALLED "CREME DE LA CREME POMMES FRITES."
THAT SOUNDS LESS LIKE A FRY AND MORE LIKE A POTATO WHO STUDIED
ABROAD FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS AND CAME BACK WITH AN ACCENT
LIKE WE WOULDN'T NOTICE. WE ALL NOTICE, BITCH!
YOU'RE FROM CONNECTICUT! WE ARE NOT FOOLED.
THESE FRIES ARE LOADED WITH TRUFFLES AND COVERED WITH EDIBLE
GOLD DUST. I FEEL LIKE THE GOLD DUST SHOULD
BE DISQUALIFYING. GOLD IS NOT AN INGREDIENT.
YOU CAN PUT GOLD ON ANYTHING AND MAKE IT EXPENSIVE.
LIKE MR. T. IS NOT THE WORLD'S MOST EXPENSIVE MAN.
HE'S JUST A DUDE WHO LIKES
CHAINS. THIS RESTAURANT'S GOT A LOT
GOING ON. HERE'S A REVIEW FROM AN ACTUAL
CUSTOMER. "FOOD DIDN'T TASTE GOOD.
IT IS WAY OVERPRICED AND THERE WAS AN EGGSHELL IN MY MEATLOAF.
THE MANAGER JUST SAID, 'IT HAPPENS,' AND WALKED OFF."
THAT'S NEW YORK CITY, BABY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WE'LL EAT A SLICE OF PIZZA WE
DROPPED ON THE SIDEWALK, BUT PUT AN EGGSHELL IN OUR MEATLOAF, AND
YOU CAN GO [ BLEEP ] YOURSELF. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN
TONIGHT!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
ALL THE WAY FROM LOUISIANA, THE
WINNER OF THE SCRIPPS NATIONAL SPELLING BEE, ZAILA AVANT‐GARDE
IS HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
ZAILA IS THE FIRST AFRICAN‐AMERICAN TO WIN THE
NATIONAL SPELLING BEE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SHE ALSO HOLDS NOT ONE, BUT THREE GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS,
FOR BASKETBALL. OKAY? YES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
MOST BALLS JUGGLED IN ONE MINUTE WITH FOUR BASKETBALLS.
MOST DRIBBLES IN 30 SECONDS WITH FOUR BASKETBALLS.
MOST BASKETBALLS DRIBBLED BY ONE PERSON SIMULTANEOUSLY. YEAH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND SHE'S ONLY 14! THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.
I'M 36 AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M SERIOUS. THAT'S SO TRUE. LIKE A LOT OF NEW YORKERS, I
DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE. BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LEARN.
SO WE FOUND A REAL DRIVER'S ED INSTRUCTOR HERE IN L. A. TO TEACH
ME. AND THIS IS HOW THAT WENT. HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTT CHEEKS. HI.
>> HI, HOW ARE YOU?
>> Phoebe: I'M PHOEBE.
>> I'M GEORGE.
>> Phoebe: NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> NICE TO MEET YOU. I'M GOING TO BE YOUR INSTRUCTOR
TODAY.
>> Phoebe: I'M SO EXCITED.
♪
>> LET'S GO OVER THE CONTROLS REAL QUICK.
YOU HAVE THE GEAR SHIFT HERE. "D" FOR DRIVE. "R" FOR REVERSE.
THE HORN THERE.
>> Phoebe: LIKE THAT. IS THAT ANNOYING?
>> IT MIGHT BE TO ANOTHER DRIVER.
>> Phoebe: IF I'M REALLY MAD, CAN I JUST WAIL ON IT?
JUST [ BLEEP ] ‐‐
>> TECHNICALLY, IT'S PROBABLY NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
>> Phoebe: SHH. LIKE THAT?
>> NO.
>> Phoebe: OKAY.
>> YEAH. ARE YOU READY TO TRY THIS?
>> Phoebe: OH, MY GOD.
>> WE'RE GOING TO PARK BETWEEN THESE TWO CARS. PUT IT IN DRIVE.
YOU'RE GOING TO DO THE WHOLE THING YOURSELF. GO FORWARD.
AND TURN TO THE LEFT. YEP.
>> OKAY. NOW, I HAVE TO REVERSE.
>> YEP.
[ BLEEP ].
>> OKAY. YOU'RE HITTING THE CAR.
YOU JUST HIT THE LAMBORGHINI.
>> Phoebe: LET'S MAKE A GETAWAY. HOLD ON.
I'M GOING TO FIGURE IT OUT.
>> YOU JUST HIT THE FERRARI. STOP. STOP. STOP.
>> Phoebe: GEORGE.
>> IT'S OKAY.
>> Phoebe: AM I GIVING YOU A HEART ATTACK?
>> YOU JUST CRASHED INTO THE CAR. THAT'S A CRITICAL ERROR.
>> Phoebe: NO, NO, NO.
>> THIS IS A LITTLE COURSE THAT WE SET UP. THAT'S THE BEGINNING.
YOU SEE THOSE TWO CONES, WE'RE GOING TO DRIVE RIGHT IN THE
MIDDLE.
>> Phoebe: MY GOD, VIN DIESEL, KISS MY ASS.
>> JUST SLOW DOWN.
>> Phoebe: WHY IS THIS CAR SO FAST? SO MUCH PRESSURE, GEORGE.
>> YOU GOT THIS. COME ON.
>> Phoebe: I'M ‐‐ NO.
>> COME ON. WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS UNTIL YOU
FEEL COMFORTABLE DRIVING, OKAY?
♪
YOU'RE GOING TO STOP BEFORE THE SIDEWALK AND LOOK BOTH WAYS.
MAKE SURE THERE'S NO PEDESTRIANS. CREEP IT NICE AND SLOW.
TWO STROKES AND HOLD THAT. HOLD, HOLD, AND LET IT SLIDE.
STRAIGHTEN OUT THE WHEEL. YOU'RE GOOD.
>> Phoebe: IT FEELS LIKE THE OTHER CARS ARE SO CLOSE.
>> DON'T STARE AT THEM. YOU'LL GO TOWARDS THEM.
>> Phoebe: THE LANES ‐‐ ARE THEY ALWAYS THIS NARROW?
>> YEAH. THEY ARE.
>> Phoebe: WHY DOES THIS BITCH HAVE HER DOOR OPEN?
>> THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS. IT'S A NARROW STREET.
SIGNAL LEFT AND GO OVER TO THE RIGHT.
>> Phoebe: CLOSE YOUR DOOR. DO YOU TELL PEOPLE THAT?
>> I DON'T ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW TO TELL THEM.
THIS IS A FAST LIGHT. WE HAVE TO BE AT THE READY.
AND IF THE GUY IN FRONT OF US ISN'T GOING, YOU CAN GIVE A
LITTLE TAP ON THE HORN. GO FOR IT.
THAT'S A LITTLE TOO MUCH. OH, WOW.
>> Phoebe: WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT.
>> WE JUST RAN A RED LIGHT. I WANT YOU TO JUST KIND OF CALL
OUT THINGS YOU SEE AROUND YOU, AHEAD OF YOU, AND BEHIND YOU.
THIS IS LIKE A SCANNING EXERCISE, RIGHT?
>> Phoebe: LIKE THE HOT GUY STRETCHING.
>> YEAH. YOU WOULD POINT HIM OUT.
HE COULD POSE AS A POTENTIAL HAZARD. WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT. START.
>> Phoebe: BUFFALO WILD WINGS. TARGET.
>> THAT'S SHOPPING CENTER STUFF.
>> Phoebe: OH, MY GOD. SPIDER‐MAN. YES. SPIDER‐MAN.
>> I WANT YOU TO CALL OUT SIGNS. LIKE DO NOT BLOCK INTERSECTION.
>> Phoebe: HOLLYWOOD PARKING. LOOK AT THAT TRUCK. OH, WEED.
>> KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD.
>> Phoebe: WHAT?
>> KEEP IT TO THE LEFT.
>> Phoebe: THIS IS TOO MUCH. OH, MY GOD.
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
[ BLEEP ] FLIP‐FLOPS, JUST DO A
U‐TURN? CAN I GIVE A MIDDLE FINGER?
YOU GOT THIS. DID YOU SEE THAT?
>> WE'RE GOOD.
>> Phoebe: OH, NO. BITCH, DON'T SAY THANK YOU.
>> I KNOW.
>> Phoebe: YOU'RE NOT WELCOME.
>> WE'RE PULLING INTO HERE. SIGNAL RIGHT.
>> Phoebe: YES.
>> YOU'RE GOING TO PARK ALL ON YOUR OWN. ALL YOU.
STRAIGHTEN OUT THE WHEEL. A LITTLE MORE TO THE LEFT.
PUT IT IN PARK.
>> Phoebe: OH, MY GOD. THAT WAS SO FUN.
>> I TOLD YOU.
>> Phoebe: GEORGE, THIS WAS GREAT.
YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD TEACHER.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Phoebe: THIS WAS AMAZING. THERE'S JUST ONE MORE THING I
WANT TO DO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OH, MY GOODNESS. WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. CHELSEA HANDLER IS WITH US.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
NBA GREAT CHRIS BOSH IS HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WE'VE GOT MUSIC FROM MONEYBAGG YO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SPELLING BEE CHAMPION
ZAILA AVANT‐GARDE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> YES. WELCOME BACK TO "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE." I'M PHOEBE ROBINSON. THANK YOU, SIR.
I'M TAKEN BUT YOU'RE CUTE. THIS YOUNG WOMAN HAS A NATIONAL
SPELLING BEE TITLE, THREE GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS, AND AN
INCREDIBLY COOL NAME. PLEASE WELCOME, ALL THE WAY FROM
INCREDIBLY TALENTED HE ‐ ZAILA AVANT‐GARDE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OKAY. MY FIRST QUESTION FOR YOU, IS
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT BEING AMERICA'S SPELLING SWEETHEART?
>> I DON'T REALLY KNOW YET BECAUSE I'M STILL SOAKING IT IN.
SO, LET ME ‐‐ ASK ME THAT IN LIKE A MONTH.
RIGHT NOW, I DON'T REALLY KNOW.
>> Phoebe: DURING THE SPELLING BEE, YOU ASKED FOR INFORMATION
FOR YOUR FINAL WORD. TAKE A LOOK.
>> THE WORD IS MURRIA.
IS THIS ENGLISH NAME OF MURRAY, A COMEDIAN.
>> M‐U‐R‐R‐A‐Y‐A.
>> THAT IS CORRECT.
>> Phoebe: OKAY. IS YOUR FAMILY BIG BILL MURRAY
FANS?
>> THE ONLY BILL MURRAY MOVIE I KNOW WATCHING IT WITH ME, WAS
"LOST IN TRANSLATION." THAT'S HOW I REMEMBERED THAT.
MURRAY, LIKE BILL MURRAY. HUH.
>> Phoebe: NOT ONLY THE BEST SPELLER IN THE WORLD, BUT ONE,
TWO, THREE, GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS FOR BASKETBALL. AMAZING.
MOST DRIBBLES IN A MINUTE. MOST BALLS DRIBBLED AT ONE TIME.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. I'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT SINCE I
WAS 5. I HAD A LOT OF TIME TO WORK UP
TO THAT LEVEL.
>> Phoebe: I WANT TO ADOPT YOU BUT I WOULD PUT YOU DOWN THE
WRONG PATH. YOU KILLED IT AT THE SPELLING
BEE. WE HAVE A GREAT GAME. IT'S CALLED BEE BALL.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
GUILLERMO IS OUR BALL BEE, IN CHARGE OF OUR BASKETBALLS.
YOU HAVE THREE CHALLENGES AHEAD OF YOU.
THE FIRST CHALLENGE IS, DRIBBLE THREE BALLS SIMULTANEOUSLY WHILE
SPELLING MACHIAVELLIAN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> I BELIEVE THAT'S SPELLED ‐‐
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> OH, MY GOD. OKAY. OKAY. THIS ONE IS A LITTLE HARDER.
FOR CHALLENGE NUMBER TWO, DRIBBLE SIX BALLS
SIMULTANEOUSLY, WHILE SPELLING
THE WORD AMARYLIS.
MEANING A BULBOUS PLANT, WITH WHITE FLOWERS. YOU GOT THIS.
>> I HOPE SO.
AMARYLLIS. A‐M‐A‐R‐Y‐L‐L‐I‐S.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Phoebe: OKAY. WOW. AND FOR YOUR FINAL CHALLENGE, WE
HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST PRESENTER. ALL THE WAY FROM MARSEILLE,
FRANCE, THE MAN WHO HELPED YOU WIN THE CROWN, MR. BILL MURRAY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OH, MY GOD. BILL, WHY ARE YOU ALL THE WAY IN
FRANCE? WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> HELLO. I CAME OVER HERE FOR A MOVIE
CALLED "THE FRENCH DISPATCH." AND WE OPENED UP THE CANNES FILM
FESTIVAL. IT IS A VERY GOOD FILM. AND THE FRENCH REALLY LOVED IT.
I THINK THE AMERICANS WILL, TOO. I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU.
ON A COINCIDENTAL FRONT, I SPELLED YOUR NAME PROPERLY THE
OTHER DAY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO WIN FOR THOSE SCRIPPS.
YOU HAVE TO MULTITASK AS PHOEBE HAS POINTED OUT TO YOU.
YOU SEE HOW SHE TALKS AND DRIVES A CAR AT THE SAME TIME.
I THINK WITH GUILLERMO'S HELP, YOU CAN DO THIS.
WHAT WE WANT YOU TO DO NOW IS TO DRIBBLE THREE BALLS, WHILE
BALANCING ON A FOAM ROLLER AND SPELLING THE ENGLISH WORD THAT
COMES FROM THE FRENCH.
>> Phoebe: BILL, THAT'S REALLY HARD.
>> IT'S HARD FOR YOU, PHOEBE. IT WON'T BE A PROBLEM.
>> Phoebe: THAT'S FAIR.
>> LET'S HEAR SOME APPLAUSE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WHAT IS IT? PORTMANTEAU.
>> IT'S A SUITCASE.
>> PORTMANTEAU.
P‐O‐R‐T‐M‐A‐N‐T‐E‐A‐U.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Phoebe: OH, MY GOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH, BILL.
THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME, PHOEBE.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
>> Phoebe: CONGRATULATIONS. YOU ARE SUCH AN AMAZING SPELLER
AND DRIBBLER.
YOU WILL BE GETTING A FULL SCHOLARSHIP TO SPORTS ACADEMY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THE BASKETBALL TRAINING CENTER NEAR AND DEAR TO THE HEARTS OF
KOBE BRYANT & HIS FANS AROUND THE WORLD.
THANK YOU ZAILA, AND THANKS TO BILL MURRAY! WE'LL BE BACK WITH
CHELSEA HANDLER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT
TO YOU BY YOUTUBE TV. WATCH LIVE TV WITH UNLIMITED DVR
AND MORE, NO CABLE BOX REQUIRED. TRY IT FREE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> OH, MY GOSH. WELCOME BACK.
COMING UP, HIS NEW BOOK IS CALLED "LETTERS TO A YOUNG
ATHLETE." FUTURE NBA HALL OF FAMER
CHRIS BOSH IS HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND SPEAKING OF BOOKS, I HAVE A NEW ONE COMING OUT CALLED
"PLEASE DON'T SIT ON MY BED IN YOUR OUTSIDE CLOTHES."
YOU CAN PRE‐ORDER IT NOW. IF YOU CAN ONLY AFFORD ONE BOOK,
BUY MINE. CHRIS IS RICH, OKAY? AND LATER, HIS ALBUM IS CALLED
"A GANGSTA'S PAIN." MUSIC FROM MONEYBAGG YO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
MAKE SURE TO COME BACK FRIDAY. NICK KROLL WILL BE HOSTING WITH
HIS GUESTS SETH ROGEN, WINSTON DUKE, AND GUCCI MANE.
AND ON SATURDAY IN PRIMETIME, WATCH ANTHONY ANDERSON HOST
"JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE: NBA FINALS GAME NIGHT" WITH HIS GUEST,
CEDRIC THE ENTERTAINER. MY GUEST IS A COMEDIENNE, TALK
SHOW HOST, AND AUTHOR WHO CAN DO IT ALL, OFTEN WITHOUT A SHIRT.
FREE THEM TITTIES. SHE IS CURRENTLY ON THE ROAD FOR
HER "VACCINATED & HORNY" TOUR. TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE NOW.
JOINING US FROM NASHVILLE, WELCOME CHELSEA HANDLER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WOW.
>> HI, PHOEBE.
>> Phoebe: HI. IT IS A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU,
EVEN VIA ZOOM. I'M SO EXCITED. YOU'RE IN NASHVILLE.
YOU'RE ABOUT TO GO ON STAGE IN LESS THAN 30 MPTD MINUTES IS WH
HEARD?
>> YEAH.
>> TH
>> Phoebe: THANK YOU FOR MAKING TIME FOR US.
DO YOU GET NERVOUS RIGHT BEFORE YOU GET ON?
>> SOMETIMES I GET NERVOUS. I'M WARMING UP.
A I'M DOING A WEEK OF SHOWS IN NASHVILLE.
I LIKE TO WORK IT OUT AT CLUBS I LIKE IN THIS COUNTRY.
NOT SO MUCH NEFSHGS. MORE SOBER THAN USUAL, BECAUSE
I'M BUILDING THE MATERIAL AND GETTING A WHOLE HOUR AGENT.
I HAVE TO BE SHARP. IT'S NOT LIKE I'M HAVING AN
EDIBLE OR A DRINK, WHICH I USUALLY LIKE TO DO BEFORE I
PERFORM.
>> YOU'RE JUST DRINKING FLAT WATER BEFORE YOU GO ON NOW?
A WHOLE, NEW CHELSEA.
>> I CAN'T HAVE FLAT WATER. IT'S SPARKLING.
>> Phoebe: YOUR TOUR IS CALLED VACCINATED AND HORNY.
THAT SEEMS ON‐BRAND FOR YOU.
>> I THINK IT'S ON‐BRAND FOR THE COUNTRY.
ANYBODY WHO IS SINGLE, IT'S PRETTY FRUSTRATING.
AREN'T THEY?
A LOT OF FRUSTRATION AND PENT‐UP AGGRAVATION GOING AROUND.
THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR ME TO BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER IN THE
RIGHT WAY. WE CAN ALL LOVE ON EACH OTHER
WITHOUT TOO MANY NEW STDs BEING CREATED.
>> Phoebe: I LOVE THAT.
HOW IS IT GOING BACK INTO STANDUP AFTER COVID?
HOW HAS IT BEEN FOR YOU?
>> WHEN YOU SEE A GROUP OF PEOPLE IN AN AUDIENCE.
THEY HAVE NO FACE MASKS ON, IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE SEEING
SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO. YOU KNOW?
IT FEELS LIKE YOU GOT A PEEK AND YOU LOOK AWAY.
WE'RE NOT USED TO SEEING IT. LIKE, IS THIS OKAY?
PEOPLE ARE PUMPED UP TO BE OUT. AND I AM, TOO.
I'M PSYCHED TO SELL TICKETS. TO GO AND PERFORM IN FRONT OF
PEOPLE THAT ARE COMING TOGETHER FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE COVID.
SO MANY PEOPLE.
A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THE SOUTH DIDN'T EXPERIENCE COVID.
THEIR CLUBS ARE VERY FULL.
>> Phoebe: YOU DID A SHOW AT THE MIRAGE IN LAS VEGAS.
I'M GUESSING THEY WERE NOT TOO CONCERNED ABOUT THE PANDEMIC,
RIGHT?
>> NO.
THAT'S WHERE YOU WANT TO GO TO VEGAS. GAME ON.
IT WAS A HOT MESS IN VEGAS.
WE GAMBLED UNTIL 4:30 IN THE MORNING.
THAT'S MY FAVORITE PLACE TO GO IN FOR A GOOD 40 HOURS.
YOU GO RIGHT OUT BEFORE THERE'S A FULL DAY.
>> Phoebe: YOU POSTED ON INSTAGRAM, BEFORE YOU GOT TO
VEGAS AND THE MORNING AFTER YOU GOT TO VEGAS.
NOT TO MAKE THIS A COMPETITION, BUT HERE'S A PICTURE OF ME AT
VEGAS AT A BACHELORETTE PARTY.
>> ARE YOU THE WHITE GUY ON TOP?
>> Phoebe: IT WAS AT A STRIP CLUB. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW HIM
WHILE YOU WERE THERE. HE WAS GREAT.
YOU HAVE TO GET READY FOR YOUR SHOW.
DO YOU HAVE A PRESHOW RITUAL THAT YOU LIKE TO DO NOW?
>> I HAVE A BIT. I TALK A LOT ABOUT TO THE TYPE
OF MEN THAT I'M OPEN TO HAVING SEXUAL PENETRATION WITH NOW.
EVERYTHING WE LEARNED ABOUT WHITE MEN IS ‐‐ GUILLERMO KNOWS.
IT'S SO DISAPPOINTING. MY CHOICES NOW ARE, I HAVE TO GO
TOWARDS, MY BLACK AND LATINO AND ASIAN BROTHERS AND SAY, I'M
HERE. TAKE ME. OR BECOME A MIDDLE‐LIFE LESBIAN.
I'M NOT MANATURALLY GAY. BUT IF MEN KEEP IT UP, I MIGHT
BECOME GAY. I HAVE NO RITUALS YET.
I'M TRYING ‐‐ I TRY TO CALM DOWN MY BREATHING.
WHEN I GET EXCITED, I CAN TALK REALLY, REALLY FAST.
I TRY TO DO DEEP BREATHING EXERCISES SO I DON'T START
SCREAMING AT MEN DURING THE MIDDLE OF MY SHOW.
>> Phoebe: BEFORE YOU GO, I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT AN INTERVIEW
YOU DID WITH "INSTYLE." AND I WANT TO READ THE QUOTE
PROPERLY. ONE THING I LEARNED ABOUT DOING
QUAALUDES AT JANE FONDA'S HOUSE, IS DON'T DO QUAALUDES.
I HAVE FOLLOW‐UPS? WERE YOU AND JANE DOING
QUAALUDES? AND WHAT KIND OF PARTY WAS THIS?
>> THIS WAS ‐‐ I DON'T THINK JANE WAS DOING QUAALUDES.
JANE DIDN'T GIVE ME THE QUAALUDES.
SOMEONE ELSE AT THE PARTY GAVE ME TWO QUAAQUAALUDES.
I GAVE IT TO ONE OF MY GIRLFRIENDS WHO SAID, I'M NOT
DOING QUAALUDES. I TOOK BOTH OF THEM.
I WAS A HOT MESS. I WOULDN'T WALK FOR A LONG TIME.
I WANT A JOINT OR A COCKTAIL AND WILL LAUGH MY ASS OFF.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> Phoebe: I LOVE THAT. I LOVE THAT.
I'M GOING TO TRY TO SQUEEZE IN ONE MORE QUESTION.
IF THAT'S OKAY. WE LOVE TO WRITE. WE LOVE BOOKS.
ON INSTAGRAM, YOU SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION FOR BOOKS, A LITTLE
DIFFERENTLY.
SHOWING OFF THE HOT BOD. TODAY IS NATIONAL NUDE DAY.
YOU DIDN'T KNOW? I THOUGHT IT WAS IN YOUR
CALENDAR.
>> I'M NUDE ALL THE TIME. I DON'T NEED A DAY FOR IT.
PHOEBE, I WANT TO SAY, CONGRATS ON YOUR NEW BOOK.
I CAN'T WAIT TO READ IT. RIGHT ON.
>> Phoebe: THANK YOU SO MUCH. THIS HAS BEEN SO FUN.
TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE FOR THE "VACCINATED & HORNY" TOUR.
THANKS, CHELSEA. WE'LL BE BACK WITH CHRIS BOSH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" EDU‐TAINMENT FILMS PRESENTS,
"HOW TO UPGRADE YOUR TV EXPERIENCE."
STEP ONE, SIGN UP FOR YOUTUBE TV.
>> Guillermo: DONE. NOW WHAT?
>> THAT'S IT.
>> Guillermo: OH, SO WHAT DO I DO NOW?
>> I DON'T KNOW MAN, IT'S YOUR LIFE!
>> Guillermo: BUT YOU ALWAYS TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
>> FINE, HOW ABOUT YOU WATCH
>> Guillermo: WHY NOT?
>> BECAUSE I HAVE A LIFE. MY OWN INTERESTS.
I WAS IN LOVE ONCE. JEEZ, DO YOU EVEN KNOW MY NAME?
>> Guillermo: IS IT CHRIS?
>> IT IS CHRIS. SORRY I YELLED AT YOU!
>> Guillermo: IT'S OKAY. I APPRECIATE YOU CHRIS.
>> DITTO AMIGO. GIVE ME A HUG!
>> TRANSFORM YOUR TV EXPERIENCE AND WATCH LIVE TV FROM ANYWHERE
IN THE US WITH YOUTUBE TV STREAMING SERVICE.
NO CABLE BOX REQUIRED. TRY IT FREE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> ALL RIGHT. OUR NEXT GUEST IS A TWO‐TIME NBA
CHAMPION WHO'LL BE INDUCTED LATER THIS YEAR INTO THE
BASKETBALL HALL OF FAME, AND HE'S A WRITER, TOO.
HIS NEW BOOK IS CALLED, "LETTERS TO A YOUNG ATHLETE," BUT YOU CAN
STILL READ IT EVEN IF YOU HATE EXERCISE.
PLEASE WELCOME CHRIS BOSH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
MY BROTHER IS GOING TO BE SO JEALOUS THAT I'M TALKING TO YOU.
THIS IS SO COOL.
>> HAPPY TO BE HERE.
>> Phoebe: CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR INDUCTION THAT'S COMING UP.
THAT'S AMAZING. OKAY. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AND WHERE
WERE YOU WHEN YOU GOT THE NEWS?
>> EVERYBODY KEEPS ASKING ME THAT QUESTION.
AND I WISH I HAD SOMETHING COOLER.
FOR THE PARENTS OUT THERE, WE KNOW ABOUT VIRTUAL SCHOOL.
I WAS ALL THE WAY IN VIRTUAL SCHOOL.
I'M TELLING MY SON ABOUT AN ASSIGNMENT THAT WE DIDN'T TURN
IN. NOW WE DIDN'T TURN IN AN ASSIGNMENT.
WE WERE TRYING TO FIGURE THAT OUT.
AND I FORGOT I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET THE CALL THAT DAY.
WHEN MY PHONE STARTED RINGING AND I LOOKED DOWN, THE TRAINING
TOOK OVER. JUST BUSTED OUT INTO A SPRINT TO
THE OFFICE. OKAY. YOU ARE A WRITER.
YOU HAVE A PHENOMENAL BOOK. ARE YOU WORKING ON YOUR
INDUCTION SPEECH YET?
>> YEAH. I'M WORKING ON IT. IT'S COMING ALONG.
IT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE. IF IT WERE UP TO ME, I WOULD
STILL BE PLAYING BASKETBALL. TRYING TO WRITE A SPEECH IS A
CHALLENGE. IT'S A GOOD CHALLENGE TO HAVE.
I'M HONORED AND THRILLED TO BE MENTIONED WITH THE GREAT MEN AND
WOMEN, WHO HAVE DONE SO MUCH, NOT ONLY FOR THE GAME OF
BASKETBALL, BUT IN MY OPINION, THE WORLD.
THE GAME IS WORLDWIDE AND THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE DO TO HELP
THEIR COMMUNITIES AND TO REALLY JUST SHOW WHAT A GREAT EXAMPLE
OF A HUMAN BEING SHOULD BE LIKE. I THINK IT'S SECOND TO NONE.
>> Phoebe: THAT'S AMAZING.
[ APPLAUSE ]
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD. I'M ALSO A WRITER, AS WELL.
>> I HEARD.
>> Phoebe: I CAME UP WITH CLOSING LINES FOR YOUR SPEECH.
IF I CAN THROW THEM OUT AT YOU.
>> OKAY.
>> Phoebe: YOU CAN LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE.
FIRST UP ‐‐ I LOVE THIS GAME,
ALMOST AS MUCH AS I LOVE BURGER
KING'S NEW CHICKEN SANDWICH. BURGER KING, HAVE IT YOUR WAY.
THAT'S A GOOD INTEGRATION OF PRODUCTS.
>> THAT'S A GOOD ONE. WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?
>> Phoebe: ONE LAST PIECE OF ADVICE, KEEP THE ICY HOT FAR
AWAY FROM YOUR JOCK STRAP. RIGHT?
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> FOR PEOPLE THAT PLAY SPORTS, ESPECIALLY THE MEN, I HOPE THE
WOMEN HAVE NEVER GONE THROUGH SOMETHING. YEAH.
THERE'S BEEN A COUPLE GAMES. LIKE, OH, YEAH.
WE'RE MAIDWAY THROUGH THE FIRST QUARTER AND NO WONDER I'M LOOSE.
FIRED UP.
>> Phoebe: I HAVE ONE LAST ONE. THIS IS MY PERSONAL FAVE.
I OWE MY ENTIRE CAREER TO MY PERSONAL TRAINER AND DEAR
FRIEND, PHOEBE ROBINSON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THAT LAST ONE IS PRETTY GOOD. WE'LL KEEP BANGING IT OUT AND
JUST ‐‐ JUST KEEP THROWING PAINT ON THE WALL.
>> Phoebe: I'M A HUGE FAN OF YOURS.
WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR WEIRDEST FAN ENCOUNTER?
>> OH, MAN. YOU KNOW. IT'S BEEN A COUPLE.
THE ONLY THING I CAN REALLY THINK OF, IN THE NBA, YOU HAVE
THE STANDS. AND USUALLY, THEY'RE OUTSIDE THE
HOTEL, OUTSIDE THE ARENAS ASKING FOR AUTOGRAPHS.
THERE'S ONE MAN, IN PARTICULAR. I COULDN'T REMEMBER HIS NAME.
HE WAS AN OLDER GUY. HE LOOKED A LITTLE CREEPY.
OLD GUYS WITH HATS. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S 22 DEGREES OUTSIDE AND SOMEBODY WANTS YOUR
AUTOGRAPH. IT SOUNDS COOL, BUT WHEN IT
HAPPENS ‐‐ HE'S A NORMAL DUDE. I HOPE HE'S WELL.
I HOPE HE IS WATCHING. GOOD TO SEE YOU, MY GUY.
BUT YOU'RE CREEPY. JUST A LITTLE BIT.
YOU JUST SAW HIM LAST WEEK. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER THING
THAT I SIGNED?
>> Phoebe: I LIKE A LOT OF DIFFERENT KINDS OF MUSIC.
MY FAVORITE BAND IS U2. I HEARD YOU'RE A BIG BRUCE
SPRINGSTEEN FAN?
>> YEAH. IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO GET OUT.
>> Phoebe: IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE LISTENING TO, BEFORE YOU WENT ON
THE TOUR? LIKE, "BORN IN THE USA."
>> YEAH. JUST BELIEVING IN MYSELF.
AND I GET THAT SPRINGSTEEN
VOICE.
>> Phoebe: THAT WAS SO GOOD.
SO GOOD.
LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR BOOK," LETTERS TO A YOUNG ATHLETE."
WHY DID YOU WANT TO WRITE THIS BOOK?
>> I PLAYED SO LONG, THE PROFESSIONAL SIDE OF IT.
MORE OF THAT IS IN THE PRACTICE GYM, WITH YOUR TEAMMATES AND
YOUR FRIENDS. AND SOMETIMES WITH YOUR FAMILY.
I PRETTY MUCH WANTED TO LEAVE AN HOMAGE, A MEMENTO, TO THE GAME
OF BASKETBALL AND TO THE GAME OF LIFE.
I READ SO MANY BOOKS THAT HELPED ME OUT, THAT WEREN'T NECESSARILY
BASKETBALL BOOKS. I LOVE TO READ BEFORE EVERY GAME.
IN IS SOMEBODY I WANTED TO LEAVE, TO HELP SOMEBODY GET
BETTER. IF YOU'RE TRYING TO GET OVER AN
OBSTACLE, I BELIEVE THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU, ONLY BECAUSE I WAS ABLE
TO ACCOMPLISH THINGS I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE
ACCOMPLISHED. I'M REVERSE ENGINEERING MY
SUCCESS. REALLY RECOUNTING THE STORIES
THAT I FELT HELPED ME. AND THE PEOPLE THAT HELPED ME
GET TO WHERE I NEEDED TO GET TO.
>> Phoebe: I LOVE THAT.
THAT'S AMAZING.
I WILL SAY FOR PAPERBACK, IT
SHOULD BE TEXT FOR YOUNG ATHLETES.
PEOPLE DON'T READ ANYMORE.
>> THAT'S THE BEST PART. WE HAVE AUDIO BOOK. DIGITAL.
WE GOT PHYSICAL. WE GOT IT ALL. PLEASE LISTEN TO IT.
>> Phoebe: THANK YOU, CHRIS. "LETTERS TO A YOUNG ATHLETE" IS
AVAILABLE NOW. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
MUSIC FROM MONEYBAGG YO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Phoebe: I WANT TO THANK CHELSEA HANDLER, CHRIS BOSH,
ZAILA AVANT‐GARDE, BILL MURRAY AND JIMMY KIMMEL, TOO.
"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT. BUT FIRST, "A GANGSTA'S PAIN" IS
HIS ALBUM, WITH THE SONGS "WOCKeSHA" AND "ROOKIE OF THE
YEAR," MONEYBAGG YO.
♪
♪ TURN ME UP, YC
TURN ME UP Y JERSEY, MY CITY ON MY BACK
I GOT 'EM REPPIN' ME ♪
♪ HEARD ME
HEARD ME KNOW I PLAY WITH M'S MUST BE STUPID IF ♪
♪ SHE CURVE ME
DUMB FITTED HAT AND FORCES STILL BE DRESSIN' ♪
♪ LIKE I'M SERVIN'
TRAP ROOKIE OF THE YEAR I GOT THE BALL AND ♪
♪ THEY GOT NERVOUS
SPOOKED 'MEMBER HAVIN' MASK ON WAY BEFORE CORONA HIT ♪
♪ TOLD 30 NOT TO
CROSS THE PLUG HE WENT BEHIND ME SET THE PICK ♪
♪ I PLAY LIKE A BEAST
BUT MY DEMEANOR HUMBLE DON'T MAKE ME TURN UP
GO SO HARD THEY GOT TO ♪
♪ RETIRE MY NUMBER
BIG TWELVE UNRANKED UNDERDOG TRAINED TO GO WHEN I BALL ♪
♪ LOSSES TURN TO LESSONS
I CAN'T SEE MYSELF FALLIN' OFF NAH ♪
♪ AND I'M HAVIN' ACCURACY
I PULL UP AND SHOOT OFF THE RIP OFF THE HIP ♪
♪ CHECK THE SCORE
IT'S TWENTY‐ZIP SWOOSH IF YOU AIN'T GOT ♪
♪ NO CHECK FOR ME
DON'T CHECK FOR ME RESPECTFULLY NAH ♪
♪ I CAN'T LET MY KID DOWN
I'M BUILDIN' UP MY LEGACY YEAH AIN'T COMPETIN' ♪
♪ WITH NOBODY
I'M JUST TRYNA BE A BETTER ME ME ♪
♪ INTRODUCTION
BOUT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHIN' THAT YOU ♪
♪ AIN'T NEVER SEE
GO ♪
♪
♪ I'M SITTIN' HERE LOOKIN'
AT KEISHA LIKE DO YOU LOVE ME DO YOU LOVE ME NOT ♪
♪ DAMN, YOU HIT THE SPOT
TASTE LIKE CANDY CANDY SWEET LIKE FRUIT ♪
♪ OOH
WET LIKE WATER CAN I LOVE ON YOU WITHDRAWALS ♪
♪ I'M FEELIN' DIFFERENT
EVERY DAY I NEED A DOSE EVERY NOW AND THEN I'M MISSIN' ♪
♪ I GOT MY TIMES
WHEN I GO GHOST BUT SHE MIN HMM HMM HMM HMM ♪
♪ I'M STAMPIN' HER
PRIORITY STATUS SO THEM OTHER ‐‐‐ MAD AT HER ♪
♪ TOO MAD HA
THUMBIN' THROUGH A HUNNID THOU' I SPENT THAT TIMES ♪
♪ TWO ON YOU
CAUGHT MYSELF CUTTIN' YOU LOOSE THEN I POP BACK UP ♪
♪ LIKE PEEKABOO
HERE I GO, FLYER THAN MOST LOUIS V COAT GAS STATION ♪