1 00:00:00,871 --> 00:00:03,187 >> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" WITH GUEST 2 00:00:03,187 --> 00:00:08,692 HOST WANDA SYKES. TONIGHT ‐‐ CHRIS "LUDACRIS" BRIDGES, 3 00:00:08,692 --> 00:00:15,699 KIM FIELDS, AND MUSIC FROM MERRY CLAYTON. 4 00:00:15,699 --> 00:00:16,600 AND NOW, WANDA SYKES! 5 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:35,219 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 6 00:00:35,219 --> 00:00:36,587 >> Wanda: ALL RIGHT! HELLO, EVERYONE! HELLO. 7 00:00:36,587 --> 00:00:38,489 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 8 00:00:38,489 --> 00:00:41,192 WOW. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. THANK YOU FOR COMING. 9 00:00:41,192 --> 00:00:42,927 I'M YOUR GUEST HOST FOR THE WEEK, WANDA SYKES. 10 00:00:42,927 --> 00:00:48,699 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 11 00:00:48,699 --> 00:00:51,702 I'M FILLING IN FOR JIMMY WHILE HE'S ON "VACATION," ALTHOUGH 12 00:00:51,702 --> 00:00:54,371 THERE ARE RUMORS GOING AROUND THAT HE'S ACTUALLY IN REHAB. 13 00:00:54,371 --> 00:00:59,376 [ LAUGHTER ] 14 00:00:59,376 --> 00:01:01,145 OKAY, I'M STARTING THE RUMOR THAT HE'S IN REHAB. 15 00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:05,116 [ LAUGHTER ] 16 00:01:05,116 --> 00:01:07,351 BUT LET'S SEE IF WE CAN GET IT GOING! 17 00:01:07,351 --> 00:01:11,388 THAT'S HASHTAG "COTTON MOUTH KIMMEL." 18 00:01:11,388 --> 00:01:11,722 [ LAUGHTER ] 19 00:01:11,722 --> 00:01:13,090 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 20 00:01:13,090 --> 00:01:18,829 SEE WHAT HAPPENS. I'VE BEEN COVERING FOR LOTS OF 21 00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:23,968 PEOPLE WHO ARE GETTING TIME OFF. ELLEN LAST WEEK, JIMMY THIS 22 00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:26,370 WEEK. NEXT WEEK, I'LL BE FILLING IN 23 00:01:26,370 --> 00:01:27,471 FOR BILL COSBY AT THE PENNSYLVANIA STATE PENITENTIARY. 24 00:01:27,471 --> 00:01:31,008 [ LAUGHTER ] 25 00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:40,251 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 26 00:01:40,251 --> 00:01:44,255 DID YOU ALL HAVE A GOOD LONG WEEKEND? 27 00:01:44,255 --> 00:01:47,992 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 28 00:01:47,992 --> 00:01:49,226 I HOPE YOU HAD FUN TAKING BLURRY PICTURES OF FIREWORKS YOU'LL 29 00:01:49,226 --> 00:01:50,461 NEVER LOOK AT. 30 00:01:50,461 --> 00:01:51,962 [ LAUGHTER ] 31 00:01:51,962 --> 00:01:59,003 I KNOW I DID. 32 00:01:59,003 --> 00:02:04,074 >> EVERYBODY DOING FIREWORKS. LOOK AT THAT, FIREWORKS ALL OVER. 33 00:02:04,074 --> 00:02:10,714 >> Wanda: OKAY, WAIT A MINUTE. WHEN I SHOT THAT, I WAS THREE 34 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:11,515 MARGARITAS DEEP. 35 00:02:11,515 --> 00:02:11,848 [ LAUGHTER ] 36 00:02:11,848 --> 00:02:13,083 AND THOUGHT I WAS AVA DuVERNAY. 37 00:02:13,083 --> 00:02:15,252 [ LAUGHTER ] 38 00:02:15,252 --> 00:02:17,955 THIS YEAR, THE FOURTH OF JULY FELL ON A SUNDAY. 39 00:02:17,955 --> 00:02:25,462 ALL OVER AMERICA, PEOPLE WERE SITTING IN CHURCH WEARING 40 00:02:25,462 --> 00:02:26,630 STAR‐SPANGLED BOOTY SHORTS. 41 00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:27,097 [ LAUGHTER ] 42 00:02:27,097 --> 00:02:28,699 JUST AS THE FOUNDING FATHERS INTENDED. 43 00:02:28,699 --> 00:02:32,670 [ LAUGHTER ] 44 00:02:32,670 --> 00:02:35,372 YOU MAY HAVE SEEN THIS ONLINE. FACEBOOK CEO MARK ZUCKERBERG 45 00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:37,107 CELEBRATED OUR NATION'S INDEPENDENCE IN THE DORKIEST WAY 46 00:02:37,107 --> 00:02:41,912 POSSIBLE. 47 00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:45,416 ♪ WEST VIRGINIA MOUNTAIN MAMA 48 00:02:45,416 --> 00:02:51,222 ♪ TAKE ME HOME COUNTRY ROAD 49 00:02:51,222 --> 00:02:55,092 [ LAUGHTER ] 50 00:02:55,092 --> 00:03:01,799 [ APPLAUSE ] 51 00:03:01,799 --> 00:03:05,336 >> Wanda: FOR SOME REASON, THAT WHO STORMED THE CAPITOL. PEOPLE‐ 52 00:03:05,336 --> 00:03:10,741 [ LAUGHTER ] 53 00:03:10,741 --> 00:03:12,209 WASN'T EXACTLY WASHINGTON CROSSING THE DELAWARE, WAS IT? 54 00:03:12,209 --> 00:03:15,746 OKAY. NOW YOU MIGHT BE SAYING, RIDING 55 00:03:15,746 --> 00:03:17,982 AN ELECTRIC SURFBOARD BY YOURSELF WHILE HOLDING A FLAG IS 56 00:03:17,982 --> 00:03:21,752 THE SADDEST THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN. 57 00:03:21,752 --> 00:03:25,889 BUT HE DID BRING ALONG A FRIEND. 58 00:03:25,889 --> 00:03:31,462 ♪ DARK AND DUSTY 59 00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:34,365 >> Guillermo: SORRY, DUDE! HA HA HA! HA HA HA! 60 00:03:34,365 --> 00:03:39,003 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 61 00:03:39,003 --> 00:03:43,807 >> Wanda: GUILLERMO? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU KNEW EACH 62 00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:46,644 OTHER. YOU KNOW MARK ZUCKERBERG? 63 00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:49,313 >> Guillermo: YEAH, WE MET AT THE POST OFFICE. 64 00:03:49,313 --> 00:03:49,646 [ LAUGHTER ] 65 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:50,914 >> Wanda: POST OFFICE? 66 00:03:50,914 --> 00:03:52,583 >> Guillermo: YEAH, WE WERE PAYING OUR TAXES TOGETHER. 67 00:03:52,583 --> 00:03:54,318 [ LAUGHTER ] 68 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:57,254 >> Wanda: I GOT A FEELING YOUR ENVELOPE WAS A LITTLE THICKER 69 00:03:57,254 --> 00:03:58,522 THAN MARK ZUCKERBERG'S. 70 00:03:58,522 --> 00:03:59,556 >> Guillermo: JUST A LITTLE BIT. 71 00:03:59,556 --> 00:04:04,161 >> Wanda: YEAH, YEAH. FOR REAL, HOW DID YOU CELEBRATE 72 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,062 THE FOURTH? 73 00:04:05,062 --> 00:04:08,132 >> Guillermo: WE HAD A BARBECUE WITH THE WHOLE FAMILY AND DRINK 74 00:04:08,132 --> 00:04:08,532 A LOT OF TEQUILA. 75 00:04:08,532 --> 00:04:09,133 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 76 00:04:09,133 --> 00:04:15,539 >> Wanda: ALL RIGHT. 77 00:04:15,539 --> 00:04:18,942 THE DRINKING A LOT OF TEQUILA, THAT'S LIKE A TUESDAY, RIGHT? 78 00:04:18,942 --> 00:04:19,276 [ LAUGHTER ] 79 00:04:19,276 --> 00:04:20,544 >> Guillermo: THAT'S NORMAL, EVERY DAY. 80 00:04:20,544 --> 00:04:22,546 >> Wanda: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. 81 00:04:22,546 --> 00:04:24,481 I GOT TO HANG OUT WITH YOUR FAMILY, MAN. 82 00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:26,984 I WILL SAY, AFTER DEALING WITH NOTHING BUT COVID, IT WAS NICE 83 00:04:26,984 --> 00:04:29,219 FOR A CHANGE TO HAVE OUR EMERGENCY ROOMS CROWDED WITH 84 00:04:29,219 --> 00:04:30,888 PEOPLE WHO BLEW THEIR FINGERS OFF WITH FIREWORKS. 85 00:04:30,888 --> 00:04:34,825 [ LAUGHTER ] 86 00:04:34,825 --> 00:04:38,329 THAT'S PROGRESS. THAT'S PROGRESS, RIGHT? 87 00:04:38,329 --> 00:04:40,831 YOU KNOW, THE CDC TOLD PEOPLE TO BE CAREFUL OVER THE HOLIDAY 88 00:04:40,831 --> 00:04:45,602 WEEKEND BECAUSE OF THAT DELTA STRAIN OF COVID. 89 00:04:45,602 --> 00:04:48,372 BUT THAT'S NOT THE ONLY THING THEY'RE WARNING US ABOUT. 90 00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:51,442 THIS IS A REAL THING THE CDC TWEETED FROM THEIR OFFICIAL 91 00:04:51,442 --> 00:04:57,881 ACCOUNT. "DON'T SWIM OR LET YOUR KIDS 92 00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:02,586 SWIM IF SICK WITH DIARRHEA. ONE PERSON WITH DIARRHEA CAN 93 00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:03,187 CONTAMINATE THE ENTIRE POOL." 94 00:05:03,187 --> 00:05:04,588 [ LAUGHTER ] 95 00:05:04,588 --> 00:05:11,328 AND THEY INCLUDED THIS LITTLE VIDEO TO GO WITH IT. 96 00:05:11,328 --> 00:05:17,601 [ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ] 97 00:05:17,601 --> 00:05:21,638 I GUESS THE CDC STILL HAS SOME TRUMP APPOINTEES HANGING AROUND. 98 00:05:21,638 --> 00:05:26,643 [ LAUGHTER ] 99 00:05:26,643 --> 00:05:29,913 ERIC DID THAT, I KNOW THAT WAS ERIC. BUT LOOK, HERE'S THE THING, 100 00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:33,584 THOUGH. I'M SORRY. IF YOU HAD DIARRHEA AND WAS 101 00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:37,821 STILL ABLE TO WALK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE? AND TO GO SWIMMING? 102 00:05:37,821 --> 00:05:38,155 I APPLAUD YOU. 103 00:05:38,155 --> 00:05:40,224 [ LAUGHTER ] 104 00:05:40,224 --> 00:05:41,225 THAT'S JUST BRAVE, THAT'S BRAVE. 105 00:05:41,225 --> 00:05:49,266 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 106 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:54,705 SO TO RECAP, FOLKS, PLEASE DON'T GET DIARRHEA IN THE POOL. 107 00:05:54,705 --> 00:05:55,139 [ LAUGHTER ] 108 00:05:55,139 --> 00:06:01,478 GET DIARRHEA AT BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP COMPANY, LIKE A NORMAL 109 00:06:01,478 --> 00:06:02,079 AMERICAN. 110 00:06:02,079 --> 00:06:02,579 [ LAUGHTER ] 111 00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:05,682 WHOO, SOME OF Y'ALL ARE BIG BUBBA GUMP FANS. 112 00:06:05,682 --> 00:06:10,421 DAMN, I LOVE THAT SHRIMP! 113 00:06:10,421 --> 00:06:14,057 IT'S WORTH THE DIARRHEA! 114 00:06:14,057 --> 00:06:14,391 [ LAUGHTER ] 115 00:06:14,391 --> 00:06:18,328 THERE WAS CELEBRATIONS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY THIS WEEKEND. 116 00:06:18,328 --> 00:06:21,432 LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED AT A FOURTH OF JULY PARADE IN TEXAS. 117 00:06:21,432 --> 00:06:24,635 >> A WOMAN ON A TRACTOR ENDANGERED THE LIFE OF PEOPLE AT 118 00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:28,672 THE CITY'S FOURTH OF JULY PARADE. SATURDAY MORNING, PARADE 119 00:06:28,672 --> 00:06:34,578 ORGANIZERS SAY LORI BOSTICK WAS RIDING IN THE STAGING AREA. 120 00:06:34,578 --> 00:06:37,614 THEY SAY SHE REFUSED TO COOPERATE WITH INSTRUCTIONS, 121 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:39,716 IGNORED OFFICERS, AND ATTEMPTED TO JOIN THE PARADE. 122 00:06:39,716 --> 00:06:43,854 THEY SAY SHE REFUSED TO STOP WHEN OFFICERS TRIED TO GET HER 123 00:06:43,854 --> 00:06:46,323 TO, BUT EVENTUALLY THEY WERE ABLE TO GET HER OFF THE ROAD. 124 00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:48,759 SHE ENDED UP CRASHING THE TRACTOR INTO A FENCE. 125 00:06:48,759 --> 00:06:51,161 [ LAUGHTER ] 126 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:54,398 >> Wanda: NOW, I SEEN THE COPS SHOOT BLACK PEOPLE FOR TAKING A 127 00:06:54,398 --> 00:07:01,205 NAP IN A FORD FIESTA. BUT JEAN SHORT KAREN OVER HERE 128 00:07:01,205 --> 00:07:03,674 PLOWS INTO A PARADE ON A TRACTOR? NO PROBLEM. 129 00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:07,478 SO THIS BRINGS ME TO A NEW FEATURE I'M INTRODUCING DURING 130 00:07:07,478 --> 00:07:13,050 MY RUN HERE ON THE SHOW, "THE SIDE EYE CAM." 131 00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:13,383 [ LAUGHTER ] 132 00:07:13,383 --> 00:07:22,159 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 133 00:07:22,159 --> 00:07:25,596 MAKE SURE WE KEEP THAT THING GOING. 134 00:07:25,596 --> 00:07:26,630 I'M GONNA BE USING IT A LOT. 135 00:07:26,630 --> 00:07:27,598 [ LAUGHTER ] 136 00:07:27,598 --> 00:07:32,336 SO THAT WAS IN TEXAS. AND OVER IN FLORIDA, THE FOURTH 137 00:07:32,336 --> 00:07:34,238 OF JULY WAS VERY FLORIDA‐Y. 138 00:07:34,238 --> 00:07:35,239 [ LAUGHTER ] 139 00:07:35,239 --> 00:07:37,741 AND WITH THAT SAID, IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'S EDITION OF "THIS 140 00:07:37,741 --> 00:07:44,348 WEEK IN FLORIDA." 141 00:07:44,348 --> 00:07:46,950 >> PEOPLE LIVING IN CAPE CORAL CANAL GOT AN EARLY FOURTH OF 142 00:07:46,950 --> 00:07:53,090 JULY SHOW. IT WASN'T ONE YOU COULD SEE, BUT 143 00:07:53,090 --> 00:07:53,824 YOU COULD DEFINITELY HEAR IT. 144 00:07:53,824 --> 00:07:59,129 >> THE DOGS WERE BARKING AND WE'D GO OUTSIDE, AND THIS GUY IS 145 00:07:59,129 --> 00:08:01,565 SCREAMING, I MEAN, SO LOUD. 146 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:04,701 >> SHUT UP! 147 00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:07,204 >> BOTTLE ROCKET, YES, 148 00:08:07,204 --> 00:08:08,305 [ BLEEP ], ISN'T IT? 149 00:08:08,305 --> 00:08:11,341 >> I KNOCKED ON EVERY DOOR WHERE THIS HAPPENED, NO ONE ADMITTED 150 00:08:11,341 --> 00:08:11,675 THAT THIS ‐‐ 151 00:08:11,675 --> 00:08:12,809 >> OH! 152 00:08:12,809 --> 00:08:14,144 >> WAS THEM. 153 00:08:14,144 --> 00:08:21,585 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 154 00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:24,888 >> Wanda: SEE, I KNOW YOU'RE ALL LAUGHING AT THIS GUY, BUT I'M 155 00:08:24,888 --> 00:08:27,925 TELLING YOU, I'M ON HIS SIDE, FOR REAL. 156 00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:32,296 HE PROBABLY HAS LIKE FOUR CHIHUAHUAS, ONE WITH THREE LEGS, 157 00:08:32,296 --> 00:08:36,567 YOU KNOW. A SCREAMING BABY. HERE PEOPLE ARE SHOOTING OFF 158 00:08:36,567 --> 00:08:39,202 M‐80s OVER HIS HOUSE. SO HE GOT UP AT 2:47 A. M. JUST 159 00:08:39,202 --> 00:08:40,971 TO GET REVENGE ON HIS NEIGHBORS. SEE? 160 00:08:40,971 --> 00:08:41,738 [ LAUGHTER ] 161 00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,173 THAT MAN IS AN INSPIRATION. 162 00:08:43,173 --> 00:08:49,379 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 163 00:08:49,379 --> 00:08:51,615 IN HIS HONOR, ON SUNDAY MORNING, I'M GONNA RUN THROUGH MY 164 00:08:51,615 --> 00:08:57,921 NEIGHBORHOOD YELLING LEAFBLOWER! LEAFBLOWER! 165 00:08:57,921 --> 00:09:00,857 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 166 00:09:00,857 --> 00:09:09,366 LEAFBLOWER! 167 00:09:09,366 --> 00:09:12,069 SO THIS WAS A BIG STORY IN THE WORLD OF BUSINESS. 168 00:09:12,069 --> 00:09:17,374 JEFF BEZOS STEPPED DOWN AS CEO OF AMAZON YESTERDAY. OH, BOY. 169 00:09:17,374 --> 00:09:19,943 GUILLERMO, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. 170 00:09:19,943 --> 00:09:20,344 >> Guillermo: WOW. 171 00:09:20,344 --> 00:09:27,918 [ LAUGHTER ] 172 00:09:27,918 --> 00:09:28,318 >> Wanda: EXACTLY. 173 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:32,990 >> Guillermo: YEAH. 174 00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:36,526 >> Wanda: IT MEANS MY PILLS ARE GOING TO BE DELAYED. 175 00:09:36,526 --> 00:09:36,994 >> Guillermo: OH, WOW. 176 00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:39,896 >> Wanda: DID YOU ORDER FROM AMAZON, GOT ANYTHING YOU WAITING 177 00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:40,229 ON? 178 00:09:40,229 --> 00:09:41,098 >> Guillermo: YEAH, I ORDERED SOME UNDERWEAR. 179 00:09:41,098 --> 00:09:43,300 [ LAUGHTER ] 180 00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:46,703 >> Wanda: OKAY. 181 00:09:46,703 --> 00:09:48,105 >> Guillermo: YEAH, ON SUNDAY. 182 00:09:48,105 --> 00:09:52,476 >> Wanda: OH, OKAY. LET'S REALLY HOPE YOU GET THOSE 183 00:09:52,476 --> 00:09:52,809 UNDERWEAR. 184 00:09:52,809 --> 00:10:00,617 >> Guillermo: I HOPE SO, I HOPE SO. 185 00:10:00,617 --> 00:10:01,551 >> Wanda: ARE YOU RAMBO'ing IT RIGHT NOW? 186 00:10:01,551 --> 00:10:02,519 >> Guillermo: NO, NO, HONEST. 187 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:07,290 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 188 00:10:07,290 --> 00:10:08,759 >> Wanda: YOU CAN DO THAT 189 00:10:08,759 --> 00:10:10,060 [ BLEEP ] WITH JIMMY, BUT I 190 00:10:10,060 --> 00:10:11,461 REQUIRE DRAWERS, I WANT DRAWERS. 191 00:10:11,461 --> 00:10:14,665 >> Guillermo: OH, ALL RIGHT, SORRY. 192 00:10:14,665 --> 00:10:20,237 >> Wanda: DRAWERS, OR I'LL WALK! OKAY. AND THIS IS CRAZY. 193 00:10:20,237 --> 00:10:25,308 ON JULY 20th, BEZOS WILL FULFILL HIS CHILDHOOD DREAM OF BLASTING 194 00:10:25,308 --> 00:10:30,180 OFF TO SPACE IN A BIG METAL PENIS. 195 00:10:30,180 --> 00:10:32,482 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 196 00:10:32,482 --> 00:10:34,351 IT'S POWERED BY ROCKET FUEL AND VIAGRA. 197 00:10:34,351 --> 00:10:40,223 [ LAUGHTER ] 198 00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:43,126 GUILLERMO, DID YOU KNOW THEY HAVE TO CRUSH UP THE VIAGRA 199 00:10:43,126 --> 00:10:43,459 FIRST? 200 00:10:43,459 --> 00:10:44,695 >> Guillermo: WOW, GOOD TO KNOW. 201 00:10:44,695 --> 00:10:48,298 >> Wanda: YEAH, YOU GOT TO CRUSH IT UP FIRST. 202 00:10:48,298 --> 00:10:51,001 YOU CAN'T THROW WHOLE VIAGRA PILLS IN THE ROCKET. 203 00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:53,570 >> Guillermo: ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU FOR TELLING US. 204 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,739 >> Wanda: ANYWAY, FOLKS, I'M VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE TONIGHT. 205 00:10:55,739 --> 00:11:01,378 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 206 00:11:01,378 --> 00:11:02,612 SEEING ALL OF YOU. 207 00:11:02,612 --> 00:11:09,519 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 208 00:11:09,519 --> 00:11:10,887 BUT I'M ALSO HERE TO MAKE SOME DAMN MONEY. 209 00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:16,193 [ LAUGHTER ] 210 00:11:16,193 --> 00:11:19,096 I WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT A NEW BUSINESS VENTURE I STARTED. 211 00:11:19,096 --> 00:11:22,265 YEAH, I THINK IT COULD REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN PEOPLE'S 212 00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:23,100 LIVES. TAKE A LOOK. 213 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:26,169 >> I'M WANDA SYKES. I'VE SPENT MY LIFE SAYING THINGS 214 00:11:26,169 --> 00:11:29,940 YOU COULD ONLY DREAM OF SAYING. RIGHT TO PEOPLE'S BIG, STUPID 215 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:34,144 FACES. NOW I'M BRINGING MY SERVICES TO 216 00:11:34,144 --> 00:11:40,817 YOU WITH "WANDA SYKES' TELEGRAMS. FOR ONE FEE OF $99.99, PLUS 217 00:11:40,817 --> 00:11:43,920 MANDATORY TIP, I'LL TELL PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE STUFF YOU'RE AFRAID 218 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:49,726 TO SAY. YOUR CO‐WORKER WON'T STOP CLIPPING HER NAILS AT HER DESK? 219 00:11:49,726 --> 00:11:52,496 I'LL TELL THAT PSYCHO TO CUT IT OUT. 220 00:11:52,496 --> 00:11:57,100 YOUR COUSIN WON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT HIS AIR FRYER? 221 00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:58,235 I'LL TELL HIM TO SHUT THE 222 00:11:58,235 --> 00:11:59,035 [ BLEEP ] UP. 223 00:11:59,035 --> 00:12:01,438 I'D SET ANYBODY STRAIGHT. FROM YOUR FRIENDS WHO LOVE TO 224 00:12:01,438 --> 00:12:01,803 BIKE? 225 00:12:01,803 --> 00:12:03,740 >> HIT A MAJOR HILL THAT BLASTED MY QUADS. 226 00:12:03,740 --> 00:12:05,976 >> THAT'S AWESOME. 227 00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:06,309 >> YEAH. 228 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:11,815 >> LINDSAY, NO ONE OVER THE AGE OF 6 IS IMPRESSED YOU RIDE A 229 00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,917 BIKE. BE A NORMAL ADULT AND PUT ON 230 00:12:13,917 --> 00:12:15,452 SOME PANTS, YOU LOOK LIKE A 231 00:12:15,452 --> 00:12:17,454 [ BLEEP ]. 232 00:12:17,454 --> 00:12:20,323 >> TO YOUR MOST ANNOYING OFFICE MATE. 233 00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:22,726 >> ARE YOU MICROWAVING FISH AT WORK? 234 00:12:22,726 --> 00:12:25,128 >> OF COURSE, IT'S TILAPIA TUESDAY. 235 00:12:25,128 --> 00:12:28,331 >> NO, IT'S NOT, JOSH. ALSO, DAVE IN ACCOUNTING WANTS 236 00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:30,400 YOU TO KNOW YOUR BREATH IS HORRIBLE. 237 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:35,572 STACY IN SALES SAYS YOU WEAR TOO MUCH COLOGNE. 238 00:12:35,572 --> 00:12:36,873 THE WHOLE OFFICE HATES YOU. HAVE A NICE DAY. 239 00:12:36,873 --> 00:12:39,276 >> WAIT, CAN I GET THAT FISH? 240 00:12:39,276 --> 00:12:40,143 >> TO YOUR FRENEMIES. 241 00:12:40,143 --> 00:12:42,179 >> LOL. 242 00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:45,315 >> LISTEN UP, CAMILLE. 20 OF YOUR FRIENDS SENT ME HERE 243 00:12:45,315 --> 00:12:48,518 TO TELL YOU TO STOP SAYING LOL OUT LOUD. 244 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:52,322 IT'S ANNOYING AND IT MAKES ZERO SENSE WHEN YOU SAY IT IN PERSON. 245 00:12:52,322 --> 00:12:52,655 >> LOL. 246 00:12:52,655 --> 00:12:55,792 >> NO. NO! 247 00:12:55,792 --> 00:12:56,760 >> OMG! 248 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:57,527 >> THAT'S EVEN WORSE! 249 00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:03,033 >> WTF? 250 00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:07,304 >> STFU! 251 00:13:07,304 --> 00:13:11,174 >> "WANDA SYKES' TELEGRAMS." YOU MIGHT BE CHICKEN [ BLEEP ] 252 00:13:11,174 --> 00:13:14,244 BUT I'M NOT. 253 00:13:14,244 --> 00:13:18,381 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 254 00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:22,118 >> Wanda: TONIGHT FROM MY SHOW "THE UPSHAWS," KIM FIELDS IS 255 00:13:22,118 --> 00:13:27,390 HERE. WE'VE GOT MUSIC FROM MERRY CLAYTON. 256 00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:30,794 AND WE'LL BE BACK WITH LUDACRIS! 257 00:13:34,174 --> 00:13:34,993 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 258 00:13:34,993 --> 00:13:43,254 ♪ 259 00:13:43,254 --> 00:13:47,663 >> Wanda: WELCOME BACK TO "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE." I'M WANDA SYKES. 260 00:13:47,663 --> 00:13:50,165 TONIGHT, FROM THE VERY, VERY FUNNY SHOW "THE UPSHAWS" ON 261 00:13:50,165 --> 00:13:52,901 NETFLIX, I KNOW IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE I'M ALSO ON IT, 262 00:13:52,901 --> 00:13:54,603 KIM FIELDS IS HERE. 263 00:13:54,603 --> 00:13:54,936 [ LAUGHTER ] 264 00:13:54,936 --> 00:13:58,640 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 265 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,143 THEN LATER, A LEGENDARY SINGER WHO'S PERFORMED WITH EVERYONE 266 00:14:01,143 --> 00:14:05,681 FROM RAY CHARLES TO THE ROLLING STONES, HER ALBUM IS CALLED 267 00:14:05,681 --> 00:14:08,450 "BEAUTIFUL SCARS," MUSIC FROM THE GREAT MERRY CLAYTON. 268 00:14:08,450 --> 00:14:12,921 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 269 00:14:12,921 --> 00:14:15,424 TOMORROW NIGHT, I'LL BE BACK WITH COLIN FARRELL, 270 00:14:15,424 --> 00:14:17,993 QUINN‐TA BRONSON, AND MUSIC FROM JAPANESE BREAKFAST. 271 00:14:17,993 --> 00:14:22,664 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 272 00:14:22,664 --> 00:14:24,666 AND ON THURSDAY, MY GUESTS WILL 273 00:14:24,666 --> 00:14:31,139 BE NICK KROLL AND THE L. A. 274 00:14:31,139 --> 00:14:35,811 SPARKS' CHINEY OGWUMIKE. I WANT YOU TO SAY THAT FIVE 275 00:14:35,811 --> 00:14:37,579 TIMES, GUILLERMO. 276 00:14:37,579 --> 00:14:38,380 >> Guillermo: OKAY. 277 00:14:38,380 --> 00:14:43,185 >> Wanda: WITH MUSIC FROM MY FRIEND, MACY GRAY AND THE 278 00:14:43,185 --> 00:14:45,187 CALIFORNIA JET CLUB. WE'RE NOT REALLY FRIENDS. 279 00:14:45,187 --> 00:14:46,221 WE WERE JUST HIGH AT THE SAME TIME. 280 00:14:46,221 --> 00:14:46,922 [ LAUGHTER ] 281 00:14:46,922 --> 00:14:48,790 OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A GRAMMY‐WINNING HIP‐HOP ARTIST, 282 00:14:48,790 --> 00:14:50,926 ACTOR, ENTREPRENEUR, AND NOW, THANKS TO THE MAGIC OF THE 283 00:14:50,926 --> 00:14:55,163 MOVIES, THE FIRST RAPPER TO FLY A CAR INTO SPACE. 284 00:14:55,163 --> 00:14:56,665 "F9" IS IN THEATRES EVERYWHERE. PLEASE WELCOME 285 00:14:56,665 --> 00:15:01,904 CHRIS "LUDACRIS" BRIDGES. 286 00:15:01,904 --> 00:15:06,208 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 287 00:15:06,208 --> 00:15:07,943 >> WHAT UP, WANDA? 288 00:15:07,943 --> 00:15:12,548 >> Wanda: WHAT'S UP, LUDA? 289 00:15:12,548 --> 00:15:16,752 >> I'M GOOD, HAPPY TO BE TALKING TO YOU, HOW ARE YOU? 290 00:15:16,752 --> 00:15:19,855 >> Wanda: I'M GOOD, MAN, HAPPY TO BE TALKING TO YOU TOO. 291 00:15:19,855 --> 00:15:21,990 WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW? 292 00:15:21,990 --> 00:15:24,593 >> ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO, SHOOTING A FILM. 293 00:15:24,593 --> 00:15:27,896 QUEEN LATIFAH, BEAU BRIDGES, A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVING FUN. 294 00:15:27,896 --> 00:15:32,367 >> Wanda: OH, WOW, OKAY, ALL RIGHT. AND WHAT PART ‐‐ YOU'RE IN 295 00:15:32,367 --> 00:15:33,735 ALBUQUERQUE, YOU SAY? ALBUQUERQUE? 296 00:15:33,735 --> 00:15:36,338 >> ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO. IT'S HOT, IT'S HOT AS HELL, LET 297 00:15:36,338 --> 00:15:37,906 ME JUST SAY THAT. 298 00:15:37,906 --> 00:15:38,239 [ LAUGHTER ] 299 00:15:38,239 --> 00:15:43,378 >> Wanda: I FIGURED THAT, GOOD LORD. YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I'M DOING 300 00:15:43,378 --> 00:15:44,746 SOMETHING IN AUGUST IN NEW MEXICO. 301 00:15:44,746 --> 00:15:47,549 I'M SHOOTING SOMETHING THERE. SO I WILL PROBABLY JUST CATCH ON 302 00:15:47,549 --> 00:15:47,914 FIRE. 303 00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:48,850 [ LAUGHTER ] 304 00:15:48,850 --> 00:15:49,818 IT'S HOT NOW. 305 00:15:49,818 --> 00:15:54,122 >> RIGHT. YOU PROBABLY WILL. 306 00:15:54,122 --> 00:15:57,759 MY ADVICE TO YOU WOULD BE TO STAY YOUR ASS INSIDE. 307 00:15:57,759 --> 00:15:58,093 [ LAUGHTER ] 308 00:15:58,093 --> 00:16:01,363 THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. UNTIL NIGHTTIME. 309 00:16:01,363 --> 00:16:06,635 >> Wanda: SO HOW WAS YOUR FOURTH THERE? ARE THEY ALLOWED TO HAVE 310 00:16:06,635 --> 00:16:06,968 FIREWORKS? 311 00:16:06,968 --> 00:16:09,605 >> OH, 100%. AND IT ACTUALLY SURPRISED ME. 312 00:16:09,605 --> 00:16:12,274 BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE A HOUSE ON THIS MOUNTAIN, THE MOUNTAIN 313 00:16:12,274 --> 00:16:14,276 PRETTY MUCH OVERLOOKS THE ENTIRE CITY. 314 00:16:14,276 --> 00:16:18,714 SO FOR THE FIRST TIME, YOU KNOW, I WAS ABLE TO ‐‐ THERE'S NO 315 00:16:18,714 --> 00:16:21,216 OBSTRUCTION OF VIEW. SO YOU GET TO SEE FIREWORKS FROM 316 00:16:21,216 --> 00:16:24,953 LIKE A 30‐MILE RANGE, JUST POPPING OFF EVERY SINGLE PLACE 317 00:16:24,953 --> 00:16:27,556 IN THE DISTANCE. SO IT WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY 318 00:16:27,556 --> 00:16:29,491 ENJOYABLE, I'M GOING TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, IT WAS DOPE. 319 00:16:29,491 --> 00:16:31,493 >> Wanda: WELL, THAT'S GOOD. I'M GLAD YOU ENJOYED THAT. 320 00:16:31,493 --> 00:16:33,962 IT SOUNDS ‐‐ 321 00:16:33,962 --> 00:16:34,295 [ LAUGHTER ] 322 00:16:34,295 --> 00:16:39,167 ALL RIGHT, I GUESS. 323 00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:42,137 >> IT WAS GOOD. I'M TRYING TO MAKE THE BEST OF 324 00:16:42,137 --> 00:16:43,238 MY TIME. 325 00:16:43,238 --> 00:16:46,174 >> Wanda: I'M JUST THINKING OF HOW HOT ‐‐ I'M GLAD YOU ENJOYED 326 00:16:46,174 --> 00:16:48,577 IT, MAN. LET'S GET DOWN TO SERIOUS 327 00:16:48,577 --> 00:16:52,080 BUSINESS. WHAT'S THE STRIP CLUB SCENE LIKE 328 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:52,514 THERE? 329 00:16:52,514 --> 00:16:52,847 [ LAUGHTER ] 330 00:16:52,847 --> 00:16:56,284 I'M NOT ASKING FOR ME, YOU KNOW. I DON'T DO THOSE THINGS. 331 00:16:56,284 --> 00:17:01,323 BUT I JUST, YOU KNOW. IN CASE A FRIEND WANTS TO KNOW. 332 00:17:01,323 --> 00:17:04,026 >> LOOK, WHEN YOU COME DOWN HERE IN AUGUST, ME AND THAT FRIEND 333 00:17:04,026 --> 00:17:07,162 THAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, WE'LL GO THERE TOGETHER AND FIGURE IT 334 00:17:07,162 --> 00:17:08,296 OUT, CHECK IT OUT FOR OURSELVES. 335 00:17:08,296 --> 00:17:14,369 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 336 00:17:14,369 --> 00:17:16,304 >> Wanda: OH WAIT, THIS IS PRETTY COOL. 337 00:17:16,304 --> 00:17:22,044 WE HAVE A PICTURE OF A SIGN. THIS WAS IN VIRGINIA. 338 00:17:22,044 --> 00:17:24,780 WHERE I'M FROM. "DRIVING FAST AND FURIOUS? 339 00:17:24,780 --> 00:17:28,817 THAT'S LUDACRIS." HOW COOL IS THAT, MAN? 340 00:17:28,817 --> 00:17:31,386 >> LISTEN, AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE. 341 00:17:31,386 --> 00:17:34,723 THEN I FOUND OUT IT WAS REAL. AND I THINK, YOU KNOW, AS 342 00:17:34,723 --> 00:17:37,559 ARTISTS, AS ENTERTAINERS, WE ALWAYS WANT TO MAKE ART AND TO 343 00:17:37,559 --> 00:17:40,996 DO THINGS THAT ARE INGRAINED IN POPULAR CULTURE. 344 00:17:40,996 --> 00:17:44,766 AND THAT RIGHT THERE JUST LET ME KNOW THAT LUDACRIS AND THE "FAST 345 00:17:44,766 --> 00:17:48,537 AND FURIOUS" FRANCHISE ARE NOW SYNONYMOUS TO THE REST OF THE 346 00:17:48,537 --> 00:17:52,974 WORLD. WE ARE HOUSEHOLD NAMES. IT HUMBLED ME, AND IT MAKES ME 347 00:17:52,974 --> 00:17:55,377 FEEL GREAT THAT WE HAVE FANS ACROSS THE WORLD THAT ARE 348 00:17:55,377 --> 00:17:59,815 ACTUALLY GOING TO PUT THAT ON A HIGHWAY TO TRY AND GET PEOPLE'S 349 00:17:59,815 --> 00:18:00,148 ATTENTION. 350 00:18:00,148 --> 00:18:00,582 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 351 00:18:00,582 --> 00:18:03,785 THAT'S LOVE TO EVERYBODY AND BEAUTIFUL. 352 00:18:03,785 --> 00:18:07,355 >> Wanda: THAT IS PRETTY COOL. SO LOOK, SO LIKE WHEN WAS THE 353 00:18:07,355 --> 00:18:08,190 LAST TIME YOU GOT A SPEEDING TICKET? 354 00:18:08,190 --> 00:18:10,025 [ LAUGHTER ] 355 00:18:10,025 --> 00:18:14,362 >> YOU KNOW, BEING LUDACRIS HAS ITS PRIVILEGES, I WILL BE HONEST. 356 00:18:14,362 --> 00:18:18,767 THEY PULL ME OVER, I SHOW THE FACE CARD, ASK THEM IF THEY WANT 357 00:18:18,767 --> 00:18:22,704 A SIGNED CD FOR THEIR KIDS, AND I CAN GET OFF, AS LONG AS I'M 358 00:18:22,704 --> 00:18:26,441 NOT GOING TOO FAST OR TOO FURIOUS, I CAN GET OFF. 359 00:18:26,441 --> 00:18:29,478 [ APPLAUSE ] 360 00:18:29,478 --> 00:18:34,616 >> Wanda: SEEMS LIKE THE COPS PULL YOU OVER, YOU GO, "COME ON, 361 00:18:34,616 --> 00:18:38,286 MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I DO, I'M ABOUT THIS LIFE, YOU SEEN THE 362 00:18:38,286 --> 00:18:38,619 MOVIES?" 363 00:18:38,619 --> 00:18:41,490 >> ABSOLUTELY, ALL I DO IS TELL THEM I'M PRACTICING FOR THE 364 00:18:41,490 --> 00:18:44,059 MOVIES, THEY ALL FANS OF THE FRANCHISE AS WELL. 365 00:18:44,059 --> 00:18:47,129 SOMETIMES I JUST TELL THEM I'M SHOOTING A SCENE RIGHT NOW WHILE 366 00:18:47,129 --> 00:18:48,296 THEY'RE PULLING ME OVER, THAT'S ENOUGH. 367 00:18:48,296 --> 00:18:50,499 [ LAUGHTER ] 368 00:18:50,499 --> 00:18:56,104 >> Wanda: SO THE MOVIES EARNED OVER $500 MILLION WORLDWIDE. 369 00:18:56,104 --> 00:18:56,505 >> $500 MILLION! 370 00:18:56,505 --> 00:18:58,940 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 371 00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:02,010 >> Wanda: PRETTY AWESOME. 372 00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:02,878 >> YEAH. 373 00:19:02,878 --> 00:19:04,212 >> Wanda: SO BETWEEN US, WHAT'S YOUR CUT, MAN? 374 00:19:04,212 --> 00:19:06,515 [ LAUGHTER ] 375 00:19:06,515 --> 00:19:07,916 >> YOU KNOW, I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT. 376 00:19:07,916 --> 00:19:10,719 BUT I AM GOING TO BE HONEST, LIKE THE CUT, THE PRICE JUST 377 00:19:10,719 --> 00:19:14,422 WENT UP, I'M GOING TO LET YOU KNOW THAT. $500 MILLION IS A LOT. 378 00:19:14,422 --> 00:19:17,058 I ALMOST CHARGED THEM TO COME ON HERE, WHEN I HEARD YOU WERE 379 00:19:17,058 --> 00:19:19,828 HOSTING, I TOLD THEM WE SHOULD PROBABLY CHARGE WANDA AND 380 00:19:19,828 --> 00:19:23,265 EVERYBODY ON THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" SHOW BECAUSE OF THAT. 381 00:19:23,265 --> 00:19:26,201 BECAUSE YOU'RE MY HOMIE, I DIDN'T DO IT, I'M NOT CHARGING 382 00:19:26,201 --> 00:19:27,803 WANDA. EVERY OTHER INTERVIEW I DO FROM 383 00:19:27,803 --> 00:19:30,372 HERE ON OUT, I'M CHARGING, THAT'S IT. 384 00:19:30,372 --> 00:19:31,206 [ LAUGHTER ] 385 00:19:31,206 --> 00:19:34,376 >> Wanda: THAT'S GOOD LOOKING OUT, GOOD LOOKING OUT. 386 00:19:34,376 --> 00:19:39,681 BECAUSE YOU KNOW, IF THEY TOLD ME I HAD TO PAY, I'D HAVE SAID, 387 00:19:39,681 --> 00:19:41,116 THAT'S LUDACRIS! 388 00:19:41,116 --> 00:19:41,449 [ APPLAUSE ] 389 00:19:41,449 --> 00:19:44,019 >> I'M SURE. 390 00:19:44,019 --> 00:19:45,987 >> Wanda: SO HAVE YOU HAD A CHANCE TO SEE THE MOVIE YET? 391 00:19:45,987 --> 00:19:48,156 LIKE WITH AN AUDIENCE? 392 00:19:48,156 --> 00:19:50,392 >> I HAVE. YOU KNOW, NOW IS THE PERFECT 393 00:19:50,392 --> 00:19:53,762 TIME TO BE A CELEBRITY, BECAUSE YOU CAN SNEAK EVERYWHERE WITH A 394 00:19:53,762 --> 00:19:57,299 MASK ON AND NOBODY BATS AN EYE, LOOKS AT YOU CRAZY. 395 00:19:57,299 --> 00:20:00,435 I HAVE SNUCK INTO THE MOVIE THEATERS NUMEROUS TIMES, 396 00:20:00,435 --> 00:20:03,772 ESPECIALLY HERE IN ALBUQUERQUE. I SIT DEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE 397 00:20:03,772 --> 00:20:05,974 MOVIE THEATER JUST TO GET THE REAL AUDIENCE EXPERIENCE. 398 00:20:05,974 --> 00:20:07,943 AND IT'S ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. BECAUSE THINK ABOUT IT. 399 00:20:07,943 --> 00:20:11,546 WHEN WE WERE KIDS, YOU GO SEE MOVIES, YOU WONDER WHAT IT'S 400 00:20:11,546 --> 00:20:14,516 LIKE TO BE A MOVIE STAR. NOW I'M THE PERSON UP ON SCREEN, 401 00:20:14,516 --> 00:20:17,819 AND ALL I CAN DO IS THANK THE MOST HIGH AND ALL OF THE FANS 402 00:20:17,819 --> 00:20:23,625 JUST FOR ALLOWING ME TO BE THIS KNOW, JUST DO THIS ART AND 403 00:20:23,625 --> 00:20:28,330 EXPRESS MYSELF, AND PEOPLE LOVE AND ENJOY AND LIVE VICARIOUSLY 404 00:20:28,330 --> 00:20:31,533 THROUGH THESE OVER‐THE‐TOP ACTION MOVIES THAT ARE NOW AT ‐‐ 405 00:20:31,533 --> 00:20:34,669 I WANT TO SAY $6 BILLION ACCUMULATED WITH ALL THE 406 00:20:34,669 --> 00:20:38,039 FRANCHISE MOVIESING TO. "FAST AND FURIOUS" LOVES EACH 407 00:20:38,039 --> 00:20:38,874 AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, AND I LOVE YOU. 408 00:20:38,874 --> 00:20:40,041 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 409 00:20:40,041 --> 00:20:44,346 KEEP GOING TO THE THEATERS. 410 00:20:44,346 --> 00:20:47,849 >> Wanda: THEY ARE FUN, THEY ARE. YOU KNOW, YOU'RE IN MY 411 00:20:47,849 --> 00:20:49,851 SITUATION, THOUGH. BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, WITH THE MASK 412 00:20:49,851 --> 00:20:52,120 AND ALL, YOU CAN GET AWAY. BUT IT'S OUR VOICE. 413 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:55,957 PEOPLE KNOW THE VOICE. RIGHT? SO WHEN YOU ‐‐ 414 00:20:55,957 --> 00:20:56,791 >> THIS IS TRUE. 415 00:20:56,791 --> 00:21:00,128 >> Wanda: YOU SNEAK INTO THE MOVIES, I'M GOING TO GET SOME 416 00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:03,531 POPCORN. THEY'RE LIKE, LUDA! THAT YOU, LUDA? 417 00:21:03,531 --> 00:21:05,834 >> THAT'S WHY I GOT TO HAVE SOMEBODY WITH ME. 418 00:21:05,834 --> 00:21:08,436 I ALWAYS TELL THEM TO GET THE POPCORN. 419 00:21:08,436 --> 00:21:10,906 I GOT TO MAKE SURE I'M QUIET IN THE THEATER. 420 00:21:10,906 --> 00:21:15,410 ONE TIME I WENT TO A McDONALD'S DRIVE‐THRU, THEY KNEW WHO I WAS 421 00:21:15,410 --> 00:21:17,245 BEFORE I GOT TO THE WINDOW. WHEN I WAS ORDERING, THEY 422 00:21:17,245 --> 00:21:19,648 RECOGNIZED MY VOICE RIGHT AWAY. YOU ARE 100% CORRECT. 423 00:21:19,648 --> 00:21:20,682 OUR VOICES ARE TOO DISTINCTIVE. 424 00:21:20,682 --> 00:21:25,020 >> Wanda: EXACTLY. EXACTLY. AND THEN IT'S THE SELFIES AND 425 00:21:25,020 --> 00:21:26,254 ALL THAT. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY MESSING 426 00:21:26,254 --> 00:21:26,721 WITH YOUR FOOD, RIGHT? 427 00:21:26,721 --> 00:21:28,189 [ LAUGHTER ] 428 00:21:28,189 --> 00:21:31,126 >> OH, MAN, LISTEN. YOU BETTER BE NICE TO ANYBODY 429 00:21:31,126 --> 00:21:34,963 WHO PREPARES YOUR FOOD, I'M TRYING TO TELL Y'ALL, I'M 430 00:21:34,963 --> 00:21:37,065 WARNING YOU. IF ANYBODY HEARS MY VOICE, NO 431 00:21:37,065 --> 00:21:40,035 MATTER WHERE YOU ARE, YOU BETTER BE NICE TO ANYBODY THAT PREPARES 432 00:21:40,035 --> 00:21:42,637 YOUR FOOD. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT COULD 433 00:21:42,637 --> 00:21:43,138 HAPPEN, PERIOD. 434 00:21:43,138 --> 00:21:44,773 >> Wanda: EXACTLY. LOOK, WE'LL HAVE MORE WITH 435 00:21:44,773 --> 00:21:50,946 LUDACRIS AFTER THIS. 436 00:21:50,946 --> 00:21:52,948 >> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT 437 00:21:52,948 --> 00:21:56,952 TO YOU BY CREDIT KARMA MONEY, A REWARDING WAY TO SPEND AND SAVE. 438 00:22:04,452 --> 00:22:05,978 >>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 439 00:22:05,978 --> 00:22:08,639 >> HOW FAST YOU HAVE TO GO TO CLEAR? 440 00:22:08,639 --> 00:22:14,144 >> I DON'T KNOW, MAN. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? 441 00:22:14,144 --> 00:22:15,679 >> "DANGER, LAND MINES." 442 00:22:15,679 --> 00:22:18,482 >> WHAT? 443 00:22:18,482 --> 00:22:19,216 >> HOW FAST? 444 00:22:19,216 --> 00:22:22,853 >> 250‐FOOT BLAST RADIUS, A HALF SECOND TRIGGER DELAY ‐‐ I'D SAY 445 00:22:22,853 --> 00:22:23,287 ABOUT 80. 446 00:22:23,287 --> 00:22:26,790 >> I CAN'T, MY SPEEDOMETER ONLY GOES TO 70. 447 00:22:26,790 --> 00:22:34,364 >> PUT YOUR FOOT TO THE FLOOR AND YOU PRAY! 448 00:22:34,364 --> 00:22:35,599 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 449 00:22:35,599 --> 00:22:40,671 >> Wanda: WOW. WELCOME BACK. 450 00:22:40,671 --> 00:22:46,110 I'M HERE WITH LUDACRIS. OH MY GOD, MAN, THAT BLOWS UP 451 00:22:46,110 --> 00:22:46,475 GOOD. 452 00:22:46,475 --> 00:22:50,147 >> OH MY GOODNESS, LISTEN. WHEN I TELL YOU, AND IT'S ONLY 453 00:22:50,147 --> 00:22:53,383 IN THEATERS, I DON'T WANT TO SOUND TOO AIR GACHBT, BUT 454 00:22:53,383 --> 00:22:56,320 THEY'RE SAYING AROUND HOLLYWOOD THE "FAST AND FURIOUS" FRANCHISE 455 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:57,488 HAS SAVED THE MOVIE THEATER INDUSTRY. 456 00:22:57,488 --> 00:22:59,790 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 457 00:22:59,790 --> 00:23:05,095 OH, OH! 458 00:23:05,095 --> 00:23:07,264 >> Wanda: OH, MAN. THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. 459 00:23:07,264 --> 00:23:11,468 YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO SEE THAT. YOU HAVE TO SEE THAT IN THE 460 00:23:11,468 --> 00:23:12,903 THEATER. I DON'T ‐‐ YOU KNOW, ALL THAT 461 00:23:12,903 --> 00:23:15,539 STUFF BLOWING UP IN MY HOUSE? WHOO. 462 00:23:15,539 --> 00:23:15,872 [ LAUGHTER ] 463 00:23:15,872 --> 00:23:17,541 THAT WOULD UPSET MY LIQUOR BOTTLES, I CAN'T HAVE THAT. 464 00:23:17,541 --> 00:23:21,044 [ LAUGHTER ] 465 00:23:21,044 --> 00:23:22,913 >> OH MY GOODNESS. 466 00:23:22,913 --> 00:23:26,183 >> Wanda: SO LATER IN THE MOVIE, YOU GO TO SPACE? 467 00:23:26,183 --> 00:23:30,254 >> OH, YEAH. OH, I WENT TO SPACE BEFORE ELON 468 00:23:30,254 --> 00:23:34,091 MUSK, BEFORE RICHARD BRANSON, BEFORE TOM CRUISE, THEY CAN ALL 469 00:23:34,091 --> 00:23:36,026 KISS MY ASS, I DID IT. 470 00:23:36,026 --> 00:23:38,028 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 471 00:23:38,028 --> 00:23:40,798 >> Wanda: FOR REAL, HOW DID THEY PITCH THAT TO YOU? 472 00:23:40,798 --> 00:23:44,168 THEY SAID, "SO LOOK, YOU AND TYRECE, Y'ALL GONNA DRIVE TO 473 00:23:44,168 --> 00:23:47,471 SPACE." 474 00:23:47,471 --> 00:23:47,804 [ LAUGHTER ] 475 00:23:47,804 --> 00:23:50,607 >> LET ME TELL YOU, FIRST AND FOREMOST, WE GET THE SCRIPT, 476 00:23:50,607 --> 00:23:53,043 THEY DON'T TELL US ANYTHING. WE HAVE TO READ THE SCRIPT. 477 00:23:53,043 --> 00:23:56,713 EVERY TIME I READ THE SCRIPT I'M MAKING SURE THAT MY BLACK ASS 478 00:23:56,713 --> 00:23:57,614 DON'T DIE. 479 00:23:57,614 --> 00:23:57,948 [ LAUGHTER ] 480 00:23:57,948 --> 00:24:00,050 I'M VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT. ONCE I GET THROUGH THAT. 481 00:24:00,050 --> 00:24:02,753 SO I STAYED ALIVE. THEN WHEN I SAW THE SCENE ABOUT 482 00:24:02,753 --> 00:24:10,260 US GOING TO SPACE, I'M JUST, AS MY NAME IMPLIES, I'M VERY 483 00:24:10,260 --> 00:24:12,596 LUDICROUS. I'M THRILL SEEKING, ADRENALINE 484 00:24:12,596 --> 00:24:14,565 JUNKIE. YES, I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE 485 00:24:14,565 --> 00:24:16,700 THE TALK OF THE MOVIE. AS YOU CAN SEE, IT IS. 486 00:24:16,700 --> 00:24:19,403 >> Wanda: ALL RIGHT. SO ONCE YOU READ THE SCRIPT AND 487 00:24:19,403 --> 00:24:23,473 YOU SAID, OKAY, I DO COME BACK FROM SPACE, THEN YOU ‐‐ 488 00:24:23,473 --> 00:24:24,474 >> YES, I WAS ALL IN. 489 00:24:24,474 --> 00:24:26,944 >> Wanda: THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN MY FIRST ‐‐ 490 00:24:26,944 --> 00:24:29,012 >> 100% OKAY, YES. 491 00:24:29,012 --> 00:24:31,381 >> Wanda: YES, FIRST QUESTION, AM I COMING BACK? 492 00:24:31,381 --> 00:24:31,748 >> THANK YOU. 493 00:24:31,748 --> 00:24:38,488 >> Wanda: THE FANS ONLINE, THEY ARE LOOKING FOR A "FAST AND 494 00:24:38,488 --> 00:24:41,525 FURIOUS JURY RAS SICK WORLD" MASHUP. 495 00:24:41,525 --> 00:24:42,726 HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT? 496 00:24:42,726 --> 00:24:46,096 >> THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I'VE HEARD IN MY LIFE. 497 00:24:46,096 --> 00:24:46,429 [ LAUGHTER ] 498 00:24:46,429 --> 00:24:49,299 I'M GOING TO BE HONEST WITH YOU. THEY SURPRISED ME WITH A LOT OF 499 00:24:49,299 --> 00:24:51,235 THINGS OF HOW WE CONTINUE TO TOP OURSELVES. 500 00:24:51,235 --> 00:24:56,807 BUT NOWHERE IN MY RIGHT MIND DO I SEE "JURASSIC WORLD" AND "FAST 501 00:24:56,807 --> 00:25:00,844 AND FURIOUS" COMING TOGETHER. MAYBE THEY GOT TO CONVINCE ME, 502 00:25:00,844 --> 00:25:04,248 BUT I DON'T SEE IT. THAT'S LUDICROUS, PUN INTENDED. 503 00:25:04,248 --> 00:25:04,581 [ LAUGHTER ] 504 00:25:04,581 --> 00:25:06,350 >> Wanda: I'M JUST REMINDING YOU. 505 00:25:06,350 --> 00:25:09,620 YOU'RE SAYING IT'S OKAY GOING TO SPACE IN A PONTIAC, BUT YOU 506 00:25:09,620 --> 00:25:11,622 CAN'T MESS WITH DINOSAURS? 507 00:25:11,622 --> 00:25:11,955 [ LAUGHTER ] 508 00:25:11,955 --> 00:25:13,390 AT LEAST THERE'S A LINE, THAT'S YOUR LINE. 509 00:25:13,390 --> 00:25:17,995 >> I'M TRYING TO SAY, ALL THESE FAST CARS AND DINOSAURS TOGETHER? 510 00:25:17,995 --> 00:25:21,365 IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME. BUT YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, BOTH OF 511 00:25:21,365 --> 00:25:24,868 THOSE ARE LUDICROUS, YOU'RE 100% CORRECT, YOU'RE RIGHT. 512 00:25:24,868 --> 00:25:29,306 >> Wanda: WHAT ABOUT "FAST AND FURIOUS VERSUS GODZILLA"? 513 00:25:29,306 --> 00:25:29,639 [ LAUGHTER ] 514 00:25:29,639 --> 00:25:33,043 >> PRETTY MUCH IN THE SAME CATEGORY AS WHAT THE HELL ARE WE 515 00:25:33,043 --> 00:25:34,544 TRYING TO DO HERE? THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT, 516 00:25:34,544 --> 00:25:35,012 WHAT ARE WE DOING? 517 00:25:35,012 --> 00:25:38,715 >> Wanda: HERE'S A GOOD ONE, "FAST AND FURIOUS VERSUS THE 518 00:25:38,715 --> 00:25:40,617 REAL HOUSEWIVES." ALL OF THEM. 519 00:25:40,617 --> 00:25:42,619 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 520 00:25:42,619 --> 00:25:46,123 >> THAT COULD WORK THAT COULD WORK RIGHT THERE, YEAH. 521 00:25:46,123 --> 00:25:49,326 >> Wanda: OKAY. "F9" IS IN THEATERS NOW. 522 00:25:49,326 --> 00:25:51,461 AND WE'LL BE BACK WITH KIM FIELDS. 523 00:25:51,461 --> 00:25:53,130 THANKS, LUDA, LOVE YOU, BABY. 524 00:25:53,130 --> 00:25:56,133 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. LOVE YOU. 525 00:26:03,196 --> 00:26:03,935 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 526 00:26:03,935 --> 00:26:13,474 >> Wanda: OUR NEXT GUEST HAS BEEN ENTERTAINING US FOR OVER 527 00:26:13,474 --> 00:26:15,743 40 YEARS. SHE'S AN ACTRESS, WRITER, 528 00:26:15,743 --> 00:26:20,981 DIRECTOR, PRODUCER, AND THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS TOOTIE. 529 00:26:20,981 --> 00:26:26,487 NOW SHE'S PLAYING MY SISTER ON OUR NEW SITCOM "THE UPSHAWS." 530 00:26:26,487 --> 00:26:30,157 >> MOVING ON, MOVING UP. NO MORE ROADBLOCKS. 531 00:26:30,157 --> 00:26:32,927 >> HEY. TO THROW IN A LITTLE QUICKIE T ‐ 532 00:26:32,927 --> 00:26:35,963 BEFORE WORK? 533 00:26:35,963 --> 00:26:40,301 >> I FORGOT ABOUT THAT DEAD END. 534 00:26:40,301 --> 00:26:43,704 >> NO, BABY, I CAN'T. I HAVE MY INTERVIEW AT ST. 535 00:26:43,704 --> 00:26:44,037 VINCENT'S. 536 00:26:44,037 --> 00:26:47,741 >> NO, BABY, THAT'S TODAY? BABY, YOU'RE GOING TO GET THAT 537 00:26:47,741 --> 00:26:48,876 JOB. 538 00:26:48,876 --> 00:26:51,512 >> I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT. 539 00:26:51,512 --> 00:26:54,615 >> IT AIN'T NOTHING MORE SEXY THAN A WOMAN GETTING A BIG‐ASS 540 00:26:54,615 --> 00:26:58,118 PAYCHECK. 541 00:26:58,118 --> 00:27:01,789 >> OH, PUMP ME UP, DADDY, PUMP ME UP! 542 00:27:01,789 --> 00:27:04,425 >> OH, I HATE WHEN YOU LIKE HIM. 543 00:27:04,425 --> 00:27:05,426 [ LAUGHTER ] 544 00:27:05,426 --> 00:27:06,460 [ APPLAUSE ] 545 00:27:06,460 --> 00:27:09,196 >> Wanda: THE UPSHAWS" IS ON NETFLIX NOW. 546 00:27:09,196 --> 00:27:13,233 PLEASE WELCOME KIM FIELDS! 547 00:27:13,233 --> 00:27:15,970 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 548 00:27:15,970 --> 00:27:39,159 ♪ 549 00:27:39,159 --> 00:27:45,933 >> Wanda: WOW. THAT AIN'T PLAYING AROUND, HUH? 550 00:27:45,933 --> 00:27:50,838 >> LISTEN, I KNEW WHO I WAS DEALING WITH, I KNEW WHAT I WAS 551 00:27:50,838 --> 00:27:52,239 COMING INTO. I HAD TO BRING THE THUNDER. 552 00:27:52,239 --> 00:27:54,975 >> Wanda: I SEE, AND THE LIGHTNING. 553 00:27:54,975 --> 00:27:56,543 THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. 554 00:27:56,543 --> 00:27:58,812 >> THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME. I'VE NEVER BEEN HERE. 555 00:27:58,812 --> 00:27:59,513 >> Wanda: WHAT? 556 00:27:59,513 --> 00:28:03,450 >> LEAVE TO IT YOU TO MAKE IT MY FIRST VISIT. 557 00:28:03,450 --> 00:28:03,951 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 558 00:28:03,951 --> 00:28:05,619 >> Wanda: THAT'S INSANE. 559 00:28:05,619 --> 00:28:05,952 >> I KNOW. 560 00:28:05,952 --> 00:28:08,155 >> Wanda: WELL, IT'S AN HONOR TO HAVE YOU. 561 00:28:08,155 --> 00:28:10,024 MAN, WE ARE HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME. 562 00:28:10,024 --> 00:28:11,258 I JUST LOVE WORKING WITH YOU. 563 00:28:11,258 --> 00:28:14,495 >> THE SAME TO YOU. THE SAME TO YOU. 564 00:28:14,495 --> 00:28:14,862 >> Wanda: YEAH. 565 00:28:14,862 --> 00:28:19,033 >> IT'S VERY EXCITING TO DO THE DANCE WITH WANDA SYKES, 566 00:28:19,033 --> 00:28:21,735 ABSOLUTELY. AND SHE CREATED THE SHOW WITH 567 00:28:21,735 --> 00:28:22,302 MIKE EPPS AND REGINA HICKS. 568 00:28:22,302 --> 00:28:29,109 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 569 00:28:29,109 --> 00:28:33,714 >> Wanda: YEAH, AND IT WAS EASY HOW WE JUST FELL INTO THESE 570 00:28:33,714 --> 00:28:34,079 ROLES. 571 00:28:34,079 --> 00:28:34,413 >> YEAH. 572 00:28:34,413 --> 00:28:37,217 >> Wanda: I REMEMBER YOU WERE COMING IN TO DO THE CHEMISTRY 573 00:28:37,217 --> 00:28:42,256 TEST WITH MIKE. SO I'M OF COURSE LINKED INTO THE 574 00:28:42,256 --> 00:28:44,591 AUDITION ROOM. YOU DROVE BY, YOU SAID, WANDA, 575 00:28:44,591 --> 00:28:47,961 I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE, GIRL. I WAS LIKE, OKAY, KIM. 576 00:28:47,961 --> 00:28:52,032 I WAS LIKE, [ BLEEP ], THAT'S KIM FIELDS! I DON'T KNOW HER. 577 00:28:52,032 --> 00:28:55,369 IT WAS AMAZING THAT WE HAD NEVER MET. 578 00:28:55,369 --> 00:28:56,937 >> NEVER MET. I'M BEEPING MY HORN AND 579 00:28:56,937 --> 00:29:00,407 HOLLERING OUT THE WINDOW LIKE I DON'T HAVE ANY HOME TRAINING. 580 00:29:00,407 --> 00:29:00,740 [ LAUGHTER ] 581 00:29:00,740 --> 00:29:04,211 I'M LIKE, HEY, WANDA, BE RIGHT BACK! 582 00:29:04,211 --> 00:29:08,949 THEN I'M DRIVING AWAY, YOU JUST SAID TO WANDA SYKES, BE RIGHT 583 00:29:08,949 --> 00:29:12,152 BACK. INSANE MOMENTS. I ASKED MY STYLIST FOR A WHITE 584 00:29:12,152 --> 00:29:14,888 SUIT, BECAUSE YOUR NETFLIX SPECIAL, I TOLD YOU WHEN I MET 585 00:29:14,888 --> 00:29:19,493 YOU, I WAS LIKE, THAT WHITE SUIT IS KICK‐ASS. 586 00:29:19,493 --> 00:29:19,993 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 587 00:29:19,993 --> 00:29:23,831 SO I WORE ONE JUST FOR YOU. SHE ROCKED IT. 588 00:29:23,831 --> 00:29:25,666 YOU CRUSHED THE NETFLIX SPECIAL. 589 00:29:25,666 --> 00:29:26,166 >> Wanda: THANK YOU. 590 00:29:26,166 --> 00:29:29,436 >> YOU CRUSHED THAT WHITE SUIT. THIS IS MY HOMAGE TO YOU. 591 00:29:29,436 --> 00:29:32,306 >> Wanda: I APPRECIATE IT. ALSO, SPEAKING OF NETFLIX, WE 592 00:29:32,306 --> 00:29:33,173 GOT PICKED UP. 593 00:29:33,173 --> 00:29:33,507 >> COME ON! 594 00:29:33,507 --> 00:29:37,044 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 595 00:29:37,044 --> 00:29:42,483 >> Wanda: THE UPSHAWS SEASON 2. I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS. 596 00:29:42,483 --> 00:29:44,685 IT GIVES ME TIME TO TURN YOU INTO A DRINKER. 597 00:29:44,685 --> 00:29:45,018 [ LAUGHTER ] 598 00:29:45,018 --> 00:29:48,489 >> YES. 599 00:29:48,489 --> 00:29:51,959 >> Wanda: REALLY, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO TURNING YOU INTO A 600 00:29:51,959 --> 00:29:52,292 DRINKER. 601 00:29:52,292 --> 00:29:55,329 >> LET ME TELL YOU, BECAUSE IT'S JUST ‐‐ IT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS. 602 00:29:55,329 --> 00:30:00,033 MY REAL‐LIFE SISTER, ALEXIS, SHE'S TRIED AND JUST ‐‐ YOU KNOW. 603 00:30:00,033 --> 00:30:01,301 >> Wanda: SHE'S A LIGHTWEIGHT. 604 00:30:01,301 --> 00:30:01,635 [ LAUGHTER ] 605 00:30:01,635 --> 00:30:02,469 >> YES, SHE IS. 606 00:30:02,469 --> 00:30:04,338 >> Wanda: I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT RIGHT. 607 00:30:04,338 --> 00:30:08,642 WE'RE DOING THIS SCENE, WE'RE DRINKING TEQUILA, AND SO KIM, WE 608 00:30:08,642 --> 00:30:13,947 HAVE TO TAKE A SHOT. AND KIM GOES, OH, SO WHEN I TAKE 609 00:30:13,947 --> 00:30:17,851 IT, AM I SUPPOSED TO ACT LIKE IT BURNS OR SOMETHING? 610 00:30:17,851 --> 00:30:18,185 [ LAUGHTER ] 611 00:30:18,185 --> 00:30:21,788 AND I WAS LIKE, WHO THE HELL IS THIS CHILD ACTRESS WHO HAS NEVER 612 00:30:21,788 --> 00:30:27,594 TAKEN SHOTS OF TEQUILA? I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU, WHAT 613 00:30:27,594 --> 00:30:28,428 DOES HEROIN IN YOUR TOES FEEL LIKE? 614 00:30:28,428 --> 00:30:34,234 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 615 00:30:34,234 --> 00:30:38,906 ACTING FOR 40 YEARS? WEREN'T YOU IN THE CHILD STAR 616 00:30:38,906 --> 00:30:39,273 CLUB? 617 00:30:39,273 --> 00:30:42,442 >> YES, NO, UH‐UH. I WAS THAT CHILD STAR WHO 618 00:30:42,442 --> 00:30:45,245 THOUGHT ONE PUFF OF WEED, I WOULD BE THE ONE THAT FINDS OUT 619 00:30:45,245 --> 00:30:49,583 THAT [ BLEEP ] CAN KILL YOU! SO I NEVER TRIED ‐‐ SO I DIDN'T 620 00:30:49,583 --> 00:30:52,219 MESS AROUND, I JUST, YOU KNOW ‐‐ YES. 621 00:30:52,219 --> 00:30:54,988 I'M LATE TO THE PARTY ON SOME OF THIS STUFF. BUT I'M READY TO GO. 622 00:30:54,988 --> 00:30:56,356 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 623 00:30:56,356 --> 00:31:02,996 >> Wanda: GOOD, THAT'S GOOD. AND THEY TOLD ME YOUR DAD IRV 624 00:31:02,996 --> 00:31:03,497 WORKS ON THE SHOW. 625 00:31:03,497 --> 00:31:08,268 >> YES, AND I HEARD MYSELF CUSSING AND I'M LIKE, OH, DAD 626 00:31:08,268 --> 00:31:08,735 HEARD THAT. 627 00:31:08,735 --> 00:31:12,139 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 628 00:31:12,139 --> 00:31:20,414 >> MY DAD, IRV HEARD, EMMY AWARD 629 00:31:20,414 --> 00:31:20,814 WINNER, HE'S HERE. 630 00:31:20,814 --> 00:31:21,315 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 631 00:31:21,315 --> 00:31:23,750 SO AS MUCH AS I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU, WHEN WE 632 00:31:23,750 --> 00:31:27,120 WERE DRIVING HERE, I WAS LIKE, I'M NERVOUS, BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE 633 00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:29,623 IT'S TAKE YOUR KID TO WORKDAY FOR DAD. MY DAD'S HERE. 634 00:31:29,623 --> 00:31:31,959 I'M GOING TO SEE DAD AT WORK. 635 00:31:31,959 --> 00:31:35,529 >> Wanda: AWW, THAT'S SO SWEET. SO WHEN JIMMY HAD BIG STARS AND 636 00:31:35,529 --> 00:31:39,066 STUFF HERE, YOU DIDN'T ASK HIM TO ‐‐ BECAUSE HE HAS AMAZING 637 00:31:39,066 --> 00:31:39,800 MUSICAL GUESTS. 638 00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:41,168 >> YEAH. 639 00:31:41,168 --> 00:31:43,170 >> Wanda: YOU NEVER WOULD ASK HIM ‐‐ 640 00:31:43,170 --> 00:31:46,506 >> THE ONLY ONE I ASKED ABOUT WAS MICHAEL McDONALD. 641 00:31:46,506 --> 00:31:46,940 COME ON, GIVE IT UP. 642 00:31:46,940 --> 00:31:52,479 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 643 00:31:52,479 --> 00:31:56,683 LISTEN, I HOST MICHAEL McDONALD MONDAYS, 2 1/2, 3 YEARS NOW. 644 00:31:56,683 --> 00:31:59,920 I AM THE QUINTESSENTIAL MICHAEL McDONALD FAN. 645 00:31:59,920 --> 00:32:02,489 I'M ALWAYS LIKE, DAD, IS HE THERE, IS HE THERE? 646 00:32:02,489 --> 00:32:05,792 >> Wanda: I WANT TO NOTE, I THINK THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE 647 00:32:05,792 --> 00:32:07,961 HEARD SOMEONE ON NETWORK TELEVISION SAY, "GIVE IT UP FOR 648 00:32:07,961 --> 00:32:10,264 MICHAEL McDONALD!" 649 00:32:10,264 --> 00:32:12,699 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 650 00:32:12,699 --> 00:32:14,701 >> I KNOW, RIGHT, RIGHT? EXACTLY. 651 00:32:14,701 --> 00:32:17,337 >> Wanda: I KNOW YOU'RE A HUGE MICHAEL McDONALD FAN. 652 00:32:17,337 --> 00:32:17,671 >> I AM. 653 00:32:17,671 --> 00:32:21,008 >> Wanda: I REMEMBER GOING ON SET AND WALKING PAST THE MAKEUP 654 00:32:21,008 --> 00:32:24,344 TRAILER, YOU HAD THE WHOLE TRAILER ROCKING. 655 00:32:24,344 --> 00:32:24,711 >> YES. 656 00:32:24,711 --> 00:32:26,113 >> Wanda: TO MICHAEL McDONALD. 657 00:32:26,113 --> 00:32:29,149 >> YES, WE WERE ROCKING, YEAH. 658 00:32:29,149 --> 00:32:31,818 >> Wanda: DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY MICHAELS YOU GO PAST BEFORE 659 00:32:31,818 --> 00:32:33,520 YOU GET TO MICHAEL McDONALD? 660 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:33,853 [ LAUGHTER ] 661 00:32:33,853 --> 00:32:40,427 YOU SAY, OH, I LOVE MICHAEL. JACKSON? UH‐UH. JORDAN? UH‐UH. 662 00:32:40,427 --> 00:32:42,362 >> B. JORDAN? UH‐UH. 663 00:32:42,362 --> 00:32:46,566 >> Wanda: MICHAEL FROM "GOOD TIMES"? UH‐UH. 664 00:32:46,566 --> 00:32:51,271 >> NO, MICHAEL FROM "GOOD TIMES" BEFORE MICHAEL McDONALD? 665 00:32:51,271 --> 00:32:51,838 I'M SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW. 666 00:32:51,838 --> 00:32:55,842 [ APPLAUSE ] 667 00:32:55,842 --> 00:32:59,246 THE FICTITIOUS MICHAEL BEFORE YOU GET TO MICHAEL McDONALD? 668 00:32:59,246 --> 00:33:03,617 BUT LISTEN, I MEAN, LISTEN, I SANG "DEAR MICHAEL" WHEN I WAS A 669 00:33:03,617 --> 00:33:05,552 KID. SO, YOU KNOW, EVERYONE ASSUMES 670 00:33:05,552 --> 00:33:09,990 THAT IT SHOULD BE ALL ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON. 671 00:33:09,990 --> 00:33:10,357 >> Wanda: RIGHT. 672 00:33:10,357 --> 00:33:10,824 >> NO. 673 00:33:10,824 --> 00:33:12,993 >> Wanda: YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH IS JACKSONS? 674 00:33:12,993 --> 00:33:15,062 >> JANET AND I WERE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. 675 00:33:15,062 --> 00:33:19,833 SO MY FIRST DISNEY TRIP WAS WITH JANET AND MICHAEL. 676 00:33:19,833 --> 00:33:20,934 >> Wanda: WHAT WAS THAT LIKE? 677 00:33:20,934 --> 00:33:22,836 >> YOU KNOW, IT WAS A LOT OF FUN. 678 00:33:22,836 --> 00:33:27,407 AND VERY ‐‐ YOU WOULD THINK NOT, BUT ACTUALLY, VERY NORMAL. 679 00:33:27,407 --> 00:33:30,277 I MEAN, REALLY. BECAUSE IT WASN'T IN THE DAY AND 680 00:33:30,277 --> 00:33:34,081 AGE OF CELL PHONES AND, YOU KNOW, CAMERA PHONES AND ALL OF 681 00:33:34,081 --> 00:33:36,350 THAT. IT WAS JUST ‐‐ IT WAS JUST ‐‐ 682 00:33:36,350 --> 00:33:38,418 PEOPLE RECOGNIZE YOU, BUT THEN YOU JUST KEEP MOVING. 683 00:33:38,418 --> 00:33:41,755 >> Wanda: YEAH, SO YOU COULD DO ANYTHING BACK THEN. 684 00:33:41,755 --> 00:33:45,192 WAS MICHAEL JUST WALKING THROUGH, SMACKING [ BLEEP ] OUT 685 00:33:45,192 --> 00:33:46,660 OF PEOPLE? 686 00:33:46,660 --> 00:33:47,127 [ LAUGHTER ] 687 00:33:47,127 --> 00:33:50,430 WOULDN'T IT BE FUN IF MICHAEL JACKSON WAS REALLY LIKE RICK 688 00:33:50,430 --> 00:33:53,834 JAMES, WE WAS JUST NEVER ABLE TO CATCH IT? 689 00:33:53,834 --> 00:33:57,604 HE WAS JUST WALKING THROUGH, "I'M MICHAEL JACKSON, BITCH!" 690 00:33:57,604 --> 00:34:01,641 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 691 00:34:01,641 --> 00:34:04,811 THEN CAMERA PHONES CAME OUT. THEN HE HAD TO GO TO THAT LITTLE 692 00:34:04,811 --> 00:34:08,849 VOICE. START ACTING OUT ‐‐ 693 00:34:08,849 --> 00:34:11,551 >> CUT IT OUT, STOP IT, STOP IT! 694 00:34:11,551 --> 00:34:14,354 >> Wanda: I CAN'T HELP MYSELF, I GO TOO FAR. 695 00:34:14,354 --> 00:34:15,489 >> TOO FAR, TOO FAR. 696 00:34:15,489 --> 00:34:19,059 >> Wanda: ONE THING, NOT JUST YOUR ACTING AND WHO YOU ARE AS A 697 00:34:19,059 --> 00:34:21,661 PERSON, I HAVE SO MUCH RESPECT FOR YOU AS A MOTHER. 698 00:34:21,661 --> 00:34:24,598 YOU ARE SO AMAZING WITH YOUR KIDS. 699 00:34:24,598 --> 00:34:27,534 LIKE YEAH YOU BRING THEM, YOU KNOW ‐‐ BRING THEM TO SET, 700 00:34:27,534 --> 00:34:29,569 YOU'RE ALWAYS CHECKING IN. YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE CRAP AS A 701 00:34:29,569 --> 00:34:29,934 MOM. 702 00:34:29,934 --> 00:34:33,006 [ LAUGHTER ] 703 00:34:33,006 --> 00:34:37,811 >> MAN, I ‐‐ I ACTUALLY LOVE BEING A MOM AND A MOM OF BOYS. 704 00:34:37,811 --> 00:34:38,345 >> Wanda: YEAH. 705 00:34:38,345 --> 00:34:41,148 >> THAT'S MY SWEET SPOT. THAT'S MY THING. 706 00:34:41,148 --> 00:34:43,917 I WAS BORN TO BE SAN BERNARDINO AND QUINCY'S MOM. 707 00:34:43,917 --> 00:34:47,854 >> Wanda: DO YOU LET THEM WATCH THE SHOW, "THE UPSHAWS"? 708 00:34:47,854 --> 00:34:51,491 >> SEBASTIAN HASN'T WATCHED. QUINCY'S WATCHED ONE OR TWO 709 00:34:51,491 --> 00:34:53,026 EPISODES. WE MONITOR BECAUSE OF THE 710 00:34:53,026 --> 00:34:55,061 LANGUAGE. HIS FAVORITE PART, HE SAYS, MOM, 711 00:34:55,061 --> 00:34:58,498 WHEN MR. MIKE SAYS, I GOT A BAND‐AID IN MY MOUTH! 712 00:34:58,498 --> 00:34:59,032 THAT'S HIS FAVORITE PART. 713 00:34:59,032 --> 00:35:01,101 [ LAUGHTER ] 714 00:35:01,101 --> 00:35:05,872 >> Wanda: WELL, I CANNOT WAIT TO MAKE MORE MEMORIES AND MORE 715 00:35:05,872 --> 00:35:08,475 EPISODES OF "UPSHAWS." THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. 716 00:35:08,475 --> 00:35:09,443 >> THANK YOU. 717 00:35:09,443 --> 00:35:10,477 >> Wanda: PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR KIM FIELDS! 718 00:35:10,477 --> 00:35:13,680 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 719 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:17,350 "THE UPSHAWS" IS ON NETFLIX NOW. AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 720 00:35:17,350 --> 00:35:24,658 MUSIC FROM MERRY CLAYTON. 721 00:35:24,658 --> 00:35:25,725 >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS 722 00:35:25,725 --> 00:35:29,596 PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING. 723 00:35:44,244 --> 00:35:45,748 >> Guillermo: IS THE RUBBER DUCKY MOVIE SCARY? 724 00:35:45,748 --> 00:35:48,484 >> I JUST SELL 'EM, I DON'T WATCH 'EM. 725 00:35:48,484 --> 00:35:51,220 >> Guillermo: OKAY, I'LL TAKE ONE FOR ME AND ONE FOR EVERYONE 726 00:35:51,220 --> 00:35:52,287 BEHIND ME. 727 00:35:52,287 --> 00:35:53,222 >> YOU SURE HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS. 728 00:35:53,222 --> 00:35:55,524 >> Guillermo: OH, THEY'RE NOT MY FRIENDS. 729 00:35:55,524 --> 00:35:59,027 BUT WHEN I PAY WITH CREDIT KARMA MONEY, I COULD WIN INSTANT KARMA 730 00:35:59,027 --> 00:36:01,764 AND GET THESE TICKETS FOR FREE. 731 00:36:01,764 --> 00:36:07,536 >> WOW, THAT'S A GREAT DEAL. YOU GOING TO BUY POPCORN FOR 732 00:36:07,536 --> 00:36:08,771 THEM OF THEM TOO? 733 00:36:08,771 --> 00:36:12,341 >> Guillermo: I'M NOT RICH, CRAZY LADY. 734 00:36:12,341 --> 00:36:19,381 WHO WANTS TO GIVE ME A PIGGYBACK RIDE? ALL RIGHT, READY? 735 00:36:19,381 --> 00:36:20,616 >> Dicky: WHEN YOU BUY SOMETHING WITH CREDIT KARMA MONEY, YOU 736 00:36:20,616 --> 00:36:21,717 COULD WIN INSTANT KARMA AND GET IT FOR FREE. 737 00:36:21,717 --> 00:36:23,690 OPEN AN ACCOUNT TODAY. 738 00:36:26,127 --> 00:36:27,777 >> Dicky: THE JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY 739 00:36:27,777 --> 00:36:33,550 MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING. 740 00:36:33,550 --> 00:36:34,784 >> Wanda: THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE. 741 00:36:34,784 --> 00:36:36,286 I'D LIKE TO THANK LUDACRIS and KIM FIELDS. 742 00:36:36,286 --> 00:36:38,021 I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW NIGHT WITH COLIN FARRELL, QUINTA BRUNSON, 743 00:36:38,021 --> 00:36:39,789 AND MUSIC FROM JAPANESE BREAKFAST. 744 00:36:39,789 --> 00:36:42,992 "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT BUT FIRST, PLAYING THE TITLE TRACK FROM HER 745 00:36:42,992 --> 00:36:46,996 FIRST ALBUM IN MORE THAN 25 YEARS, IT'S CALLED "BEAUTIFUL 746 00:36:46,996 --> 00:36:50,266 SCARS," THE FABULOUS MERRY CLAYTON. 747 00:36:50,266 --> 00:36:54,971 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 748 00:36:55,872 --> 00:36:58,141 ♪ 749 00:36:58,141 --> 00:37:04,280 ♪ 750 00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:04,714 ♪ I'VE BEEN ON THE 751 00:37:04,714 --> 00:37:12,288 BATTLEFIELD OF LIFE I'VE BEEN THROUGH IT 752 00:37:12,288 --> 00:37:13,256 BUT I JUST HAD TO ♪ 753 00:37:13,256 --> 00:37:14,758 ♪ GO THROUGH THAT 754 00:37:14,758 --> 00:37:22,932 TO GET TO THIS 755 00:37:22,932 --> 00:37:26,870 ♪ I IRK I'VE BEEN KNOCKED OUT 756 00:37:26,870 --> 00:37:28,638 I'VE BEEN KICKED DOWN ♪ 757 00:37:28,638 --> 00:37:31,674 ♪ BUT FAITH BROUGHT ME BACK 758 00:37:31,674 --> 00:37:34,744 AND I'M STILL STANDING HERE AND NOW ♪ 759 00:37:34,744 --> 00:37:36,279 ♪ THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL SCARS 760 00:37:36,279 --> 00:37:37,781 ♪ THAT I HAVE ON MY HEART 761 00:37:37,781 --> 00:37:40,784 THIS IS BEAUTIFUL PROOF THAT I MADE IT THIS FAR 762 00:37:40,784 --> 00:37:43,787 EVERY HURT I'VE ENDURED ♪ 763 00:37:43,787 --> 00:37:45,522 ♪ EVERY CUT EVERY BRUISE 764 00:37:45,522 --> 00:37:49,759 WEAR IT PROUD LIKE A BADGE WEAR IT LIKE A TATTOO 765 00:37:49,759 --> 00:37:54,764 THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL SCARS ♪ 766 00:37:54,764 --> 00:37:55,999 ♪ YEAH, YEAH 767 00:37:55,999 --> 00:38:01,738 THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL SCARS YEAH, YEAH I WOULDN'T CHANGE ♪ 768 00:38:01,738 --> 00:38:03,540 ♪ ONE SINGLE THING 769 00:38:03,540 --> 00:38:07,777 EVEN THE BAD 770 00:38:07,777 --> 00:38:15,051 'CUZ EVERYTHING THAT MADE ME BREAK ♪ 771 00:38:15,051 --> 00:38:18,521 ♪ MADE ME WHO I AM 772 00:38:18,521 --> 00:38:25,762 I, I HAD SOME BAD FALLS BUT THAT MADE ME STAND TALL ♪ 773 00:38:25,762 --> 00:38:28,498 ♪ I GOT THROUGH THE FIRE 774 00:38:28,498 --> 00:38:34,237 AND I'M STILL STANDING TALL NOW THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL SCARS ♪ 775 00:38:34,237 --> 00:38:35,505 ♪ THAT I HAVE ON MY HEART 776 00:38:35,505 --> 00:38:41,277 BEAUTIFUL PROOF THAT I MADE IT THIS FAR 777 00:38:41,277 --> 00:38:41,811 EVERY HURT I'VE ENDURED ♪ 778 00:38:41,811 --> 00:38:43,046 ♪ EVERY CUT EVERY BRUISE 779 00:38:43,046 --> 00:38:47,784 I WEAR PROUD LIKE A BADGE WEAR IT LIKE A TATTOO 780 00:38:47,784 --> 00:38:49,519 THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL SCARS ♪ 781 00:38:49,519 --> 00:38:51,287 ♪ YEAH 782 00:38:51,287 --> 00:38:57,760 THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL SCARS YEAH I'M GRATEFUL FOR ♪ 783 00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:59,729 ♪ EACH OF THEM 784 00:38:59,729 --> 00:39:03,499 YEAH I'M WHO I AM BECAUSE OF THEM ♪ 785 00:39:03,499 --> 00:39:08,104 ♪ YEAH 786 00:39:08,104 --> 00:39:11,274 I'M THANKFUL EACH DAY FOR MY SCARS EVERYBODY ♪ 787 00:39:11,274 --> 00:39:13,776 ♪ EVERYBODY'S GOT SCARS 788 00:39:13,776 --> 00:39:16,279 THEY'RE PART OF WHAT MAKES YOU WHO YOU ARE 789 00:39:16,279 --> 00:39:17,780 STAND UP AND BE ♪ 790 00:39:17,780 --> 00:39:19,549 ♪ PROUD OF YOUR SCARS 791 00:39:19,549 --> 00:39:25,521 YEAH, YEAH THOSE ARE BEAUTIFUL SCARS 792 00:39:25,521 --> 00:39:28,491 YOU HAVE ON YOUR HEART ♪ 793 00:39:28,491 --> 00:39:29,525 ♪ THAT'S BEAUTIFUL PROOF 794 00:39:29,525 --> 00:39:34,998 THAT YOU'VE MADE IT THIS FAR EVERY HURT ♪ 795 00:39:34,998 --> 00:39:35,999 ♪ YOU'VE ENDURED 796 00:39:35,999 --> 00:39:38,501 EVERY CUT EVERY BRUISE WEAR LIKE A BADGE 797 00:39:38,501 --> 00:39:41,004 WEAR IT LIKE A TATTOO ♪ 798 00:39:41,004 --> 00:39:42,739 ♪ THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL SCARS 799 00:39:42,739 --> 00:39:46,042 YEAH, YEAH THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL SCARS 800 00:39:46,042 --> 00:39:49,279 YEAH, YEAH ♪ 801 00:39:49,279 --> 00:39:52,482 ♪ I'M GRATEFUL FOR 802 00:39:52,482 --> 00:39:57,654 EACH ONE OF THEM I'M WHO I AM BECAUSE OF THEM ♪ 803 00:39:57,654 --> 00:39:58,922 ♪ STAND UP AND BE 804 00:39:58,922 --> 00:40:04,961 PROUD OF YOUR SCARS 805 00:40:04,961 --> 00:40:10,233 WHOOOOOOOO EVERYBODY'S GOT SCARS ♪ 806 00:40:10,233 --> 00:40:21,911 ♪