>> Announcer: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S “JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!”
TONIGHT ‐‐ SARAH PAULSON, FRANK GRILLO, AND
MUSIC FROM LUCY DACUS, AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU. THANK YOU. WOW.
WHERE DID ALL THESE PEOPLE COME FROM?
FOR THOSE WATCHING AT HOME IF IT SOUNDS DIFFERENT IT IS BECAUSE
MORE THAN AFTER 15 MONTHS AT HOME AND IN A MOSTLY EMPTY
STUDIO WE HAVE A REAL AUDIENCE. IT'S ALMOST LIKE A REAL SHOW.
WE ARE NOT FULLY FULL YET. WE WERE ALLOWED TO LET 89 PEOPLE
IN. SEARCH MASKED, VACCINATED AND
JUST TO BE SAFE WE SHAVED EVERYONE FROM HEAD TO TOE.
MOST OF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TO AN EVENT OF ANY KIND IN A WHILE.
JUST A COUPLE OF REMINDERS, NUMBER ONE. YOU CAN'T MUTE ME.
NUMBER TWO, IT IS RUDE TO GO TO SLEEP DURING THE SHOW.
THANKS FOR UNDERSTANDING. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.
IN FACT, WE LOOKED IT UP, THE LAST JOKE I TOLD IN FRONT OF A
FULL AUDIENCE WAS ABOUT TULSI GABBARD. REMEMBER HER?
ME NEITHER. THE JOKE WAS “TULSI GABBARD IS
STILL IN THE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT IN THE SAME WAY THE
MOVIE ‘CATS' IS STILL IN THE RUNNING FOR AN ACADEMY AWARD.”
THAT'S ABOUT HOW WELL IT WENT OVER THE FIRST TIME TOO.
THIS IS EXCITING.
HOW MANY YOU OF YOU ARE ON VACATION?
LET'S TALK WITH THESE TWO PEOPLE. RIGHT THERE.
YOU ARE NOT ON VACATION?
>> NO. WE FEEL LIKE WE ARE ON VACATION,
BUT WE ARE NOT ON VACATION.
>> YOU LIVE HERE IN L. A.?
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: YET YOU ARE WEARING THE TWO MOST TOURISTY SHIRTS.
YOU MUST BE VERY PROUD OF LIVING HERE?
>> YES, YES.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU DECIDE THAT HEY, WE MIGHT BE ON TV TONIGHT.
LET'S GET OUR BEST STUFF TOGETHER.
>> I HAVE TO REPRESENT.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU BUY THIS AT THE SOUVENIR SHOP OR WHAT IS
GOING ON?
>> YOU GUESSED IT RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR WORK?
>> WE HAVE A MARKET RESEARCH GROUP.
>> Jimmy: THE TWO OF YOU HAVE IT TOGETHER?
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU MARRIED?
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: HOW IS THAT GOING?
>> PRETTY GOOD.
>> IT IS LIKE A ROLLER COASTER, BUT IT'S ALWAYS GOING.
>> Jimmy: SOMETIMES YOU THROW UP. OTHER TIMES YOU ARE SCREAMING
RIGHT.
>> LOVE. LOVE.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN? DID YOU HAVE A GOOD FATHER'S DAY?
WAS THERE A FATHER'S DAY PLANNED YESTERDAY?
>> SPORADIC LOVE HAPPENING ALL DAY.
>> Jimmy: SPORADIC LOVE. THAT IS WHAT IT IS.
I AM GOING TO TRANSLATE THAT FROM DAD TO ENGLISH.
THAT MEANS NOTHING HAPPENED. ALL RIGHT.
THEY DID NOTHING FOR YOU. YEAH. SPORADIC LOVE.
WE ARE SO APPRECIATIVE, YOU GUYS AND EVERYONE COMING THAT ON THE
WAY OUT TONIGHT EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE WILL GET A PAIR OF TUBE
SOCKS AND A BOILED EGG, SO THERE YOU GO.
IT'S OUR WAY OF SAYING THANK YOU AND WELCOME BACK.
ALSO OUR WAY OF SAYING HEY, IT IS NOT ELLEN.
I HOPE YOU REMEMBERED IT WAS FATHER'S DAY YESTERDAY.
FATHER'S DAY HAS TO BE THE BIGGEST TIME OF THE YEAR FOR
NAIL CLIPPERS. NAIL CLIPPERS AND NOSE HAIR
TRIMMERS. GUILLERMO, HOW WAS YOUR FATHER'S
DAY?
>> THEY DID IT ALL. IT IS FATHER'S DAY.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU GET THE CHANCE TO MAKE SWEET LOVE, AS YOU WERE
PREDICTING YOU WOULD?
>> OF COURSE, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: WHO ARE YOU POINTING AT?
>> THE GUY OVER THERE.
>> Jimmy: HE SAID SPORADIC LOVE.
>> OKAY. YOU DID. CONGRATULATIONS.
WHAT DID BENJI GET FOR YOU?
>> A PAIR OF SHOES.
>> Jimmy: WHAT KIND OF SHOES?
>> TENNIS SHOES.
>> Jimmy: HE PICKED THEM OUT?
>> WELL, MY WIFE DID, BUT IT WENT TOGETHE.
>> Jimmy: A LOT OF DADS GOT SHORTS.
ARE YOU LAUGHING BECAUSE YOU GOT SHORTS? I GOT SHORTS.
AND MY COUSIN SAL GOT SHORTS. I GUESS BECAUSE THIS IS THAT
MAGICAL TIME OF THE YEAR EVERY DAD SWITCHES OUT THE
UNFASHIONABLE CARGO PANTS FOR UNFASHIONABLE CARGO SPORTS,
KEYS, WALLET, TWO STEELY DAN CDs, JUMPER CABLES, ANOTHER PAIR
OF CARGO SHORTS JUST IN CASE IN THERE.
YESTERDAY OUR FORMER PRESIDENT, DONALD TRUMP SHARED A FATHER'S
DAY WISH. WRITING HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO
ALL INCLUDING THE RADICAL LEFT, RHINOS AND OTHER LOSERS OF THE
WORLD. POOR ERIC.
>> HOPEFULLY EVENTUALLY EVERYONE WILL COME TOGETHER AND BY COME
TOGETHER HE MEANS ACCEPT ME AS YOUR ONE TRUE GOD.
I FEEL LIKE HIS HEART IS NOT EVEN IN THESE ANYMORE.
I THINK MELANIA MIGHT BE PUTTING LEXIPRO IN HIS DIET COKE OR
SOMETHING. WE ARE LEARNING HOW POORLY OUR
KENTUCKY FRIED COMMANDER IN CHIEF MISMANAGED THE PANDEMIC
THANKS TO A FORTHCOMING BOOK DETAILING THE CHAOS AND IN
FIGHTING THAT PLAGUED TEAM TRUMP'S RESPONSE TO THE
CORONAVIRUS. IT WAS WRITTEN BY REPORTERS FROM
THE "WASHINGTON POST" WHO SAY AT THE BEGINNING OF THE PANDEMIC
TRUMP SUGGESTED SENDING AMERICANS THAT HAD BEEN INFECTED
WITH COVID TRAVELING OVERSEAS TO GUANTAUNMO BAY.
YOU KNOW HE SAID HE WANTS TO
SEND THEM TO GERONIMO BAY.
HE PROBABLY SENT A CAMERA CREW TOO AND CALLED IT SURVIRUS OR
SOMETHING. ANOTHER GOOD McNUGGET FOR THE
BOOK. THEY SAY HE WAS VERY UPSET ABOUT
COVID TESTING BECAUSE HE BELIEVED POSITIVE TESTS WOULD
LOOK BAD AND HURT HIS CHANCES OF RE‐ELECTION AND HAD A CALL WITH
THE SECRETARY OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES AND HE DEMANDED
TO KNOW WHAT IDIOT DECIDED TO MAKE THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT DO
TESTING AND ALEX WAS LIKE DO YOU MEAN JARED. IT WAS JARED.
POOR JARED. WHEN JARED FOUND OUT THE MASKS
THE GOVERNMENT ORDERED WOULDN'T BE READY UNTIL JUNE HE GOT SO
MAD HE YELLED AT A TOP OFFICIAL SAYING YOU EFFING MORON WE WILL
ALL BE DEAD BY JUNE AND THREW A PEN AT THE WALL, WHICH I IMAGINE
WENT LIKE THIS. I GOT A WHOLE BOX OF THESE
SHARPIES IF YOU DON'T SHAPE UP. IN NEW YORK CITY THINGS ARE
OPENING UP TO THE POINT WHERE PEOPLE ARE NOW TAKING FLIGHT.
THIS IS A GUY THAT FLEW OVER TIMES SQUARE ON A HOVER BOARD.
GREEN GOBLIN STYLE IN NEW YORK.
THE PIGEONS WERE LIKE WHO IS THAT. I MISS THE OLD NEW YORK.
SOMEBODY WOULD HAVE PULL HIM OFF OF IT, TAKEN IT AND PEE FROM IT.
IN OTHER TRADITIONAL NEWS, AIRLINES ARE TALKING ABOUT
JACKING UP THE FEES FOR OVERWEIGHT BAGGAGE TO MAKE UP
FOR ALL OF THE WEIGHT PASSENGERS HAVE GAINED IN LOCKDOWN.
AVERAGE PASSENGER WEIGHT IS UP EIGHT POUNDS SINCE THE SPRING OF
LAST YEAR GOING FROM 179 TO 187. OKAY.
YOU KNOW MAYBE DON'T PUT YOUR PLANES AT THE END OF CINNABON
ALLEY. THE OLYMPICS ARE STILL HAPPENING
NEXT MONTH IN TOKYO. TOKYO RESIDENTS WILL BE ALLOWED
TO GO TO THE GAMES BUT WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO CHEER AND HAVE TO
GO STRAIGHT HOME AFTER. WHOEVER CAME UP WITH THE WINS
THE GOLD MEDAL FOR BUZZ KILL. A LIVE SPORTING EVENT WITH NO
CHEERING ALLOWED. IT IS LIKE A DETROIT LIONS GAME.
THE EIGHT‐TIME WINNING SPRINTER USAIN BOLT AND HIS GIRLFRIEND
PUBLICLY WELCOMED TWIN BABY BOYS YESTERDAY.
THEY WERE DELIVERED IN A WORLD RECORD 9.58 SECONDS.
BOLT POSTED THE FAMILY PHOTO TO
INSTAGRAM, THE OLDER KID IS
THEIR DAUGHTER, LIGHTNING BOLT, THUNDER BOLT.
IS THAT EVEN A THING. I KNOW THERE IS A LIGHTNING.
THERE ARE NO THUNDER BOLTS. THUNDER AND ST. LEO SOUNDS LIKE
A COP MOVIE STARRING DANNY GLOVER AND RICHARD DRYFUSS.
REMEMBER WHEN NAMING A KID APPLE SEEMED NUTS.
APOLOGIES TO THE PALTROWS. JAPAN IS STILL ONLY 5%
VACCINATED. THEY ARE ABOUT SIX MONTHS BEHIND
US. BUT THE OLYMPICS ARE COMING. THERE IS NOTHING THAT THEY CAN
DO ABOUT IT. YOU KNOW, A LOT HAS CHANGED
SINCE WE APPROVED THE VACCINE HERE.
A YEAR AGO YOU WERE AT HOME, ORDERING FOOD AND LEAVING IT ON
THE PORCH UNTIL THE GERMS DIED OR WHATEVER.
AND TO REMIND US OF HOW FAR WE HAVE COME, EVERY WEEK WE ARE
LOOKING BACK AT THE WAY THAT THINGS WERE A YEAR AGO AND HAVE
DONE IT AGAIN IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF THIS WEEK IN COVID
HISTORY.
>> THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY. IT IS THE END OF JUNE, 2020.
A TRIUMPHANT TRUMP IS BACK FROM TULSA.
>> DURING THE UNITED STATES THE DEATH TOLL IS NOW APPROACHING
125,000.
>> THE DEATH TOLL, THE WORST OF ANY COUNTRY.
>> RIGHT NOW THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS WILL BE CRITICAL IN OUR
ABILITY TO ADDRESS THE SURGING.
>> OKAY MR. SURGING GENERAL, GO GET CRITICAL NUMBERS WHAT, ABOUT
WHAT REALLY MATTERS. TV RATING NUMBERS.
>> THIS JUST CAME OUT. TRUMP RALLY GIVES FOX NEWS THE
LARGEST SATURDAY NIGHT AUDIENCE INS IT HISTORY.
>> LIES FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT.
WHY IS AMERICA SO CUKOO FOR COVID.
>> THE REASON WE HAVE MORE CASES THAN OTHER COUNTRIES IS BECAUSE
OUR TESTING IS SO MUCH.
>> ANY OTHER POSSIBLE CAUSE?
>> WHEN YOU DO TESTING YOU ARE GOING TO FIND MORE CASES.
>> IF YOU DO MORE TESTS. IF WE DIDN'T TEST WE WOULDN'T
HAVE CASES.
>> QUICK. THIS CALLS FOR A DISTRACTION.
LAY A FAT ONE US ON.
>> IT IS THE BIGGEST RISK WE HAVE, THE MAIL‐IN BALLOT.
>> MAIL‐IN BALLOTS ARE A DISASTER.
THERE IS TREMENDOUS EVIDENCE OF FRAUD.
>> MAIL‐IN BALLOTS, WHO WOULD EVER DO SUCH A TERRIBLE THING?
>> HIS CAMPAIGN RELEASING THIS VIDEO OF HIM SIGNING HIS BALLOT
WHICH THE STATE OF FLORIDA CALLS VOTE BY MAIL.
>> TALK ABOUT MAIL PRIVILEGE, I WONDER WHAT NEW YORK'S EASY
LOVING GOVERNOR THINKS.
>> I THINK IT IS A SET UP AND THAT THEY GOING TO LOSE THE
ELECTION AND CLAIM FRAUD AND I HOPE THEY DON'T DO THAT.
>> HOPE IN ONE HAND AND AN EMPLOYEE'S BOTTOM IN THE OTHER.
THIS HAS BEEN THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY.
>> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO. I TOLD YOU. ALL RIGHT.
I DON'T KNOW. DON'T GET ME WRONG, I AM VERY
HAPPY TO HAVE YOU HERE BUT IT FEELS WEIRD TO HAVE A BUNCH OF
PEOPLE IN MASKS STARING AT ME LIKE I AM IN AN EXPERIMENT GONE
WRONG.
>> IT DOES JIMMY, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I AM HAPPY YOU ARE HERE. THANK YOU FOR COMING.
WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. FRANK GRILLO IS WITH US.
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SARAH PAULSON. STICK AROUND.
>> Jimmy: HI THERE. WELCOME BACK.
WE HAVE HALF AN AUDIENCE. THAT'S PROGRESS.
TONIGHT FROM THE NEW MOVIE, THE HITMAN'S WIFE'S BODYGUARD, FRANK
GRILLO IS WITH US. AND THEN LATER, A TALENTED
SINGER‐SONGWRITER, HER NEW ALBUM “HOME VIDEO” COMES OUT FRIDAY,
MUSIC FROM LUCY DACUS. THIS WEEK, WE HAVE NEW SHOWS
WITH BILLY CRYSTAL, CHRIS PRATT, QUENTIN TARANTINO,
DONALD TRUMP'S FORMER LAWYER
MICHAEL COHEN WILL BE HERE.
MUSIC FROM LUKAS NELSON, SEVENTEEN, THE ISLEY BROTHERS
AND SNOOP DOGG. OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN
EXCEPTIONALLY GIFTED HUMAN BEING YOU KNOW FROM MANY FUN AND
WONDERFUL THINGS‐HER WORK IN THE RYAN MURPHY‐VERSE CONTINUES WITH
THE ORIGIN STORY OF A NURSE NAMED MILDRED IN “RATCHED.” IT'S
ON NETFLIX NOW, PLEASE WELCOME SARAH PAULSON.
♪
>> Jimmy: HI SARAH. HOW ARE YOU? I LIKE YOUR DRESS.
>> I DECIDED THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN OUT OF THE HOUSE IN A WHILE.
I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD PUT EVERYTHING THAT I OWN ON.
WHY NOT. GIRLS IN SEQUINS, FEELS GOOD TO
ME.
>> Jimmy: HAVE YOU REALLY NOT BEEN OUT OF THE HOUSE IN A WHILE?
>> VERY BRIEFLY BUT VERY BRIEFLY.
>> Jimmy: WHEN WE ASK YOU TO COME AND DO THE SHOW AND COME
HERE, YOU DIDN'T KNOW THERE WOULD BE ALL OF THESE PEOPLE.
>> I FOUND OUT LAST NIGHT ALL OF THE LOVELY SUPER SPREADER FOLKS
IN THE BACK. FOUR TO A ROOM BY THE WAY.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I DON'T WANT TO BE NEAR FOUR
PEOPLE EVER AGAIN. YEAH. THIS WAS NERVE‐RACKING BUT YOU
ALL LOOK LOVELY.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS HOW THEY DO IT AT OHIO UNIVERSITY.
THEY PILE THEM UP. SO, YOU TOOK IT VERY SERIOUSLY.
>> I DID. I WAS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.
STILL TO THIS DAY I AM DOING A LOT OF SANITIZING.
I WOULD SPRAY THE AIR IF I COULD.
>> Jimmy: SOME WEIRDOS ARE STILL WEARING GLOVES IN PUBLIC.
>> I AM ALL FOR IT. I WALK AROUND IN A BUBBLE SUIT.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS THE THING, THE C.D.C. SAID THAT THING ABOUT
GETTING IT FROM THIS. YOU DON'T GET IT FROM THIS.
>> I DON'T CARE.
>> Jimmy: YOU DID GET OTHER STUFF FROM THAT LIKE COLDS ARE
MAKING A COMEBACK.
>> I DON'T WANT ANYTHING THAT MIMICS A COVID STORY, BECAUSE I
AM ALREADY ON THE INTERNET TOO MUCH. IT IS NOT GOOD.
>> Jimmy: MAYBE YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS, BUT I WOULD
LIKE YOU TO THINK ABOUT IT. DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU JUST ENJOY
BEING SEPARATED OR ARE YOU REALLY NEROTTIC ABOUT GETTING IT
OR ‐‐
>> JIMMY. IT IS A TERRIFYING DISEASE.
>> Jimmy: LISTEN, I WAS VERY CAREFUL AND ALL OF THAT STUFF.
I KNOW IT IS TERRIFYING. YOU SAY YOU ARE STILL SPRAYING
STUFF. THAT FALLS INTO THE CATEGORY
OF ‐‐ SO YOU DIDN'T ENJOY BEING BY YOURSELF?
>> I DID. I DID. I AM JUST NOW, I FEEL LIKE IS IT
THE GROUNDHOG? I FEEL LIKE LOOKING AROUND AND
DECIDING WHETHER IT IS TIME TO LOOK AT MY OWN SHADOW OR NOT.
SO I VENTURED OUT A LITTLE BIT. I WENT TO ONE DINNER WITH MY
FRIEND, DIANE KEATON. SHE IS LIKE I HAVE BEEN GOING,
SITTING OUTSIDE. I AM VACCINATED. WE CAN DO IT.
THIS IS MY FIRST DINNER IN 17 MONTHS OUTSIDE OF MY HOME.
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> LIKE I SAID, VERY COMMITTED. I WENT OUT.
IT WAS ONE OF THE MORE TERRIFYING EXPERIENCES OF MY
LIFE. THERE IS A GUY SITTING CADDIE
CORNER FROM THE TABLE WHO SNEEZED APPROXIMATELY 14 TIMES,
COUGHED REPEATEDLY AND DIDN'T BOTHER TO STAND UP SAYING IT IS
ALLERGIES. I DON'T WANT TO ALARM ANYONE.
I FOUND IT REALLY RUDE. I AM LIKE DIANE, I THINK I HAVE
TO GO. I DIDN'T LEAVE, BUT I WANTED TO.
>> Jimmy: WHAT DOES DIANE KEATON EAT WHEN YOU GO TO DINNER?
>> SHE EATS A LOT OF WINE WITH ICE.
>> Jimmy: SHE EATS WINE?
>> MORE THAN THE OTHER THING. SHE LIKES A LOT OF PASTA.
SHE DOES NOT EAT MEAT OR FISH.
>> Jimmy: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN FRIENDS?
>> WELL, HER DAUGHTER JUST GOT MARRIED.
I KNEW HER DAUGHTER AS OF 2.
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> 25 NOW. IT HAS BEEN A VERY LONG TIME.
>> WERE YOU AT THE WEDDING?
>> I WAS AT THE WEDDING. THESE ARE MY TWO EVENTS AND BOTH
INVOLVED DIANE.
>> Jimmy: IT WAS A BIG WEDDING?
>> BIGGER THAN I LIKED. IT WAS NERVE‐RACKING.
IT IS WEIRD. A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE MASKED.
THAT IS ALSO STRANGE.
>> Jimmy: I HEAR A LOT OF THE GROOMS ARE WEARING VAILS FOR
SAFETY.
>> I WOULD SUPPORT THIS.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE KNOWN DIANE FOR QUITE SOME TIME.
>> QUITE A LONG TIME, YES. I AM ASSUMING IT IS A TERM OF
AFFECTION. EVERY TIME I CALL HER SHE
ANSWERS WHAT DO YOU WANT OR HEY, HI. HI, DUMMY. HEY, IDIOT.
A LOT OF IDIOT AND MORON.
>> Jimmy: YOU SOUND LIKE HER.
>> SHE IS LIKE HEY, HI. HI. WHAT. WHAT DO YOU WANT.
SHE IS THE DUMBEST PERSON I KNOW. SHE IS AS THAT TO ME A LOT.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS A COMPLEMENT?
>> A TERM OF AFFECTION.
>> Jimmy: OKAY. I HEARD YOU AND CARRIE FISHER
WERE FRIENDS. ANOTHER LEGEND OF ACTING.
>> WRITING TOO.
>> Jimmy: ALSO A IF FUNNY PERSON.
>> SHE WAS A WONDERFUL WRITER. I AM OBSESSED WITH THE MOVIE SHE
MADE, POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE WITH THE LATE GREAT MIKE
NICHOLS.
I LIKE THE SAD 80 PERSON CLAP.
>> Jimmy: THE KIDS FROM OHIO ARE JUST PRETENDING LIKE THEY KNOW
WHAT THAT IS. THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT
POSTCARDS ARE NEVER MIND THE MOVIE.
>> IT IS A GREAT, GREAT, GREAT MOVIE.
IF YOU WATCH IT WITH ME IYOU AR
GO TO WANT TO KILL ME. I WAS AT A PARTY WITH HER.
I HAD TO GO BY MYSELF. NOTHING WORSE TO GO TO A PARTY
ANYWAY BY YOURSELF. SHOWING UP LIKE ‐‐>> Jimmy: YOU
ARE VERY TALENTED. YES.
>> HUGE EXECUTIVES HOUSE. I HAD TO WALK IN THIS HALLWAY BY
MYSELF. CARRIE FISHER ALSO CAME ALONE.
SHE HAD GLITTER IN HER HAIR AND A POCKET OF SPRAY GLITTER IN HER
PURSE. WE REALLY HIT IT OFF. I TRIED NOT TO LET ON I WAS A
SUPER FAN. AT THE END OF THE NIGHT WE WERE
BOTH DRIVING HOME. SHE WAS IN FRONT OF ME.
I WAS AT MY CAR. WE WERE AT THE CORNER IN
BEVERLEY GLENN. SHE ROLLED DOWN THE WINDOW
SAYING HEY, DO YOU WANT TO COME TO A PARTY. YES. YES, I DO.
YES, I REALLY DO. YEAH. YEAH. SHE SAID WRITE THIS DOWN.
I WAS FUMBLING. I HAD LIP LINER IN MY CAR AND AN
OLD McDONALD'S CUP. I WAS WRITING THE E‐MAIL DOWN
AND I PROMPTLY WENT TO BUY A COMPUTER THE NEXT DAY.
THE E‐MAIL ADDRESS THAT I CREATED THEN IS MY E‐MAIL
ADDRESS TO THIS DAY AND IT IS A TERRIBLE E‐MAIL ADDRESS.
I HAVE NOT SWITCHED IT. IT IS NOT AN AOL ADDRESS BUT THE
E‐MAIL OF A VERY, VERY SIMPLE CHILD.
SHE ASKED IF I WANTED TO COME TO
GOR ‐‐
>> THEY DON'T KNOW.
>> Jimmy: HE WAS A PERSON. A MAN. A HUMAN MAN.
>> HE WAS A HUMAN MAN.
>> Jimmy: HE WOULD HAVE THESE INTERESTING PARTIES.
A MAKE OUT PARTY.
>> IT WAS HER IDEA TO CALL IT THE MAKE OUT PARTY.
SHIRLEY McCLAIN. QUEEN LATIFAH. ALL OF THESE PEOPLE WERE THERE.
I WAS OBVIOUSLY PANICKED.
>> Jimmy: PEOPLE MAKE OUT?
>> I DID NOT SEE ANYONE MAKE OUT BUT THERE WAS A HAT WITH NAMES
IN IT AND YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MAKE OUT WITH EVERYONE IN THE
HAT. MATTHEW PERRY PULLED MY NAME OUT
OF THE HAT AND PROMPTLY LEFT THE ROOM. HE IS LIKE AH, WELL.
I GOT YOU. I AM LIKE LET'S KISS. HE IS LIKE NO. NO.
WE KNEW EACH OTHER THROUGH ONE OF MY VERY BEST FRIENDS.
IT WAS AWKWARD. WE ENDED UP PLAYING ROMANTIC
PARTNERS YEARS LATER ON A SHOW AND I GOT MY KISS.
>> Jimmy: YOU DID?
>> I GOT SEVERAL KISSES. AND BOY DID HE REGRET NOT TAKING
ME UP ON THAT.
>> Jimmy: I THINK MATTHEW MIGHT NOT REMEMBER SOME OF THOSE YEARS.
>> HE MIGHT NOT. HE PROBABLY THINKS WE DID MAKE
OUT AT THE PARTY.
>> Jimmy: SARAH PAULSON IS WITH US.
HER SHOW IS "RACHET" ON NETFLIX. WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> THIS PATIENT ADMITTED HERSELF TO THE HOSPITAL AND SHE IS FREE
TO LEAVE WHENEVER SHE CHOOSES.
DO YOU BELIEVE THE DOCTOR'S TREATMENTS HAVE HELPED YOU?
>> I BELIEVE HE IS THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN HELP ME.
>> AS HEAD NURSE I AM ALLOWING BOTH OF THEM TO GO.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS SARAH PAULSON IN "RACHET" WHICH IS ON NETFLIX
NOW. SARAH, CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG.
BUT THIS IS WHEN YOU GET A ROLE LIKE THIS, NURSE RACHET FROM ONE
FLEW OVR THE CUKOO'S NEST.
>> I DID REALLY WANT TO DO IT BUT RYAN WASN'T INTERESTED IN ME
DOING IT FIRST. I THINK HE WAS GO TO OFFER IT TO
A VERY FANCY ACADEMY AWARD WINNING LADY, AND I SORT OF WENT
IN AND TOOK IT. I WAS LIKE WE HAVE DONE A LOT OF
THINGS. CAN I GET THIS PART. YEAH. HE DID GIVE IT TO ME.
>> Jimmy: HE CERTAINLY DID THE RIGHT THING.
>> HE LET ME HAVE IT.
>> Jimmy: IS IT APPROPRIATE, AND I AM NOT AN ACTOR.
WOULD YOU GO AND WATCH THE MOVIE AGAIN? WOULD YOU LOOK AT IT?
>> AT FIRST I WASN'T GOING TO BECAUSE IT IS GOING TO GET IN MY
HEAD. AN ACADEMY AWARD WINNING PERFORMANCE.
I THINK IT IS ON THE LIST OF TOP 100 VILLAINS, SHE IS NUMBER
FIVE. I AM THINKING THIS HAD IS A MISTAKE THAT I AM ATTEMPTING TO
DO THIS. I REALLY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THE
LARGEST WAY TO HONOR HER PERFORMANCE IS IF I WATCHED IT
AND TRIED TO STEAL AS MUCH OF HER PERFORMANCE AS I COULD AND
PASS IT OFF AS MY OWN CREATION. ANY ACTOR WILL TELL YOU THAT IS
WHAT THEY DO. BUT YOU DO IT. YEAH. WHY NOT.
>> Jimmy: PEOPLE DON'T WANT IT TO BE THAT DIFFERENT.
>> BECAUSE IT IS AN ORIGIN STORY, I WANTED TO HAVE HER
POSTURE. I WANTED TO HAVE CERTAIN THINGS
THAT MIGHT BE IN VIEWERS MIND ABOUT THE WAY THAT SHE PORTRAYED
HER.
>> Jimmy: YOU DO HAVE GOOD POSTURE.
>> I REALLY AM PRETENDING TO HAVE GREAT POSTURE.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU FIND OUT WHEN YOU PRETEND TO HAVE GOOD POSTURE
THAT YOU WIND UP HAVING GOOD POSTURE.
>> NO. THE MINUTE IT IS OVER.
I HAVE A PROBLEM. IT IS THE POSTURE THING.
ME AND MY CHIROPRACTOR HAVE AN APPOINTMENT SCHEDULED WHEN ALL
OF THIS IS OVER. MAYBE NEVER.
>> Jimmy: LAST TIME YOU WERE WITH US, YOU WERE WORKING ON THE
MONICA ‐‐
>> I AM STILL WORKING ON THAT. WE WILL STILL SHOOTING IT.
IT IS COMING OUT VERY SOON, SEPTEMBER 7th.
SO, THAT'S CRAZY.
>> Jimmy: FOR THOSE THAT DO NOT REMEMBER THE STORY.
>> THOSE PEOPLE IN OHIO DON'T REMEMBER IT.
IOWA, OHIO, SAME THING.
>> Jimmy: THERE WAS A PRESIDENT NAMED BILL CLINTON AND SOMETHING
VERY DIRTY HAPPENED AND NOW THEY ARE MAKING A SHOW ABOUT IT.
HE WILL BE EXCITED ABOUT IT. DO YOU THINK HE WILL WATCH THIS?
>> I, I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
I AM THINKING MAYBE NO.
>> Jimmy: THEY ARE GO TO PRETEND THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN.
>> YOU ARE PLAYING THIS PART. THEY WERE CLOSE AND LINDA TRIPP
STARTED TO RECORD ALL OF MONICA'S PHONE CALLS.
A REAL BUSY BODY. > JIMMY, THIS IS A LONG
CONVERSATION. I THINK OF HER AS TRYING VERY
HARD ‐‐ WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT LATER. YEAH. YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE SHOOTING THIS IN WASHINGTON, RIGHT.
>> WE WENT TO WASHINGTON TO SHOOT, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: AND FOR SOME REASON, AND I STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND
WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS VIDEO. BEANIE SHOOTS A VIDEO OF YOU,
AND YOU ARE WALKING THROUGH THE PARK. YOU HAPPEN UPON SOME DUCKS.
>> WHO HAPPENS UPON DUCKS. WALKING IN THE MIDDLE OF
WASHINGTON D. C., I DECIDED I NEEDED TO TALK TO IT.
I HAD BEEN WORKING WITH THE MOVEMENT COACH PLAYING LINDA
BECAUSE SHE HAD A WALK AND WAY OF CARRYING HERSELF.
I DECIDED I WANTED TO BE LIKE THE DUCK.
>> Jimmy: AND YOUR FRIEND AND CO‐WORKER DECIDED TO PULL OUT
HER PHONE.
>> AND PUT IT ON THE INTERNET.
>> WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT. YOU CAN'T LET IT JUST GO.
I KNOW IT.
RUN AWAY FROM ME.
>> Jimmy: I WOULD THINK THAT YOU LOST YOUR MARBLES IF I DID NOT
HAVE ANY CONTEXT.
>> I KNOW. TO ME IT MADE ALL OF THE SENSE
IN THE WORLD TO TRY TO COMMUNICATE WITH A DUCK.
PROBABLY MEANS I HAVE BEEN INSIDE MY HOUSE TOO LONG.
>> Jimmy: TIME TO MAKE FRIENDS AGAIN.
>> I WANTED TO EMBODY THE DUCK AND I DID A LITTLE WALK.
>> Jimmy: YOU NAMED THE DUCK.
>> I AM SAYING BERTRAND, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT OUR MARRIAGE.
HE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
>> Jimmy: IT IS VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU AND I AM GLAD YOU ARE OUT.
YOU NEED TO SOCIALIZE AND ACCLIMATE WITH SOCIETY AGAIN.
DO YOU HAVE ANY ROOMS? YOU MIGHT WANT TO COME AND STAY
AT THE HOUSE? SARAH PAULSON EVERYBODY.
"RACHET" IS ON NETFLIX NOW. WHEN WE COME BACK IT'S FRANK
GRILLO.
>> WE ARE BACK. LUCY DACUS IS ON THE WAY.
OUR NEXT GUEST IS TOUGH ON THE OUTSIDE AND TENDER ON THE INSIDE.
HIS NEW MOVIE WITH RYAN REYNOLDS, SAM JACKSON AND SALMA
HAYEK IS THE HITMAN'S WIFE'S BODYGUARD IS IN THEATERS NOW.
PLEASE WELCOME FRANK GRILLO.
♪
>> Jimmy: HOW IS IT GOING?
>> AN AUDIENCE.
>> Jimmy: THERE ARE PEOPLE. IT'S NICE.
>> HOW ARE YOU? GOD, YOU ARE SO GOOD LOOKING.
>> Jimmy: PLEASE. I THINK YOU ARE LOOKING AT YOUR
OWN REFLECTION. HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> I'M GOOD. FATHER'S DAY WAS GOOD.
I AM A SINGLE FATHER. AND IT WAS THE BEST FATHER'S DAY
I EVER HAD.
>> Jimmy: GREAT. THAT'S GOOD.
>> WE CAN DO WHATEVER WE WANT, pEAT WHATEVER WE WANT AND SAY
WHATEVER WE WANT.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE THREE BOYS. WHAT IS YOUR POLICY ON CURSING?
>> I LOVE IT. I LIKE IT. I ENCOURAGE IT.
I THINK CURSING FOR YOUNG BOYS IS VERY HEALTHY.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU TELL THEM YOU HAVE 60 SECONDS SAY WHATEVER YOU
WANT.
>> YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT.
>> Jimmy: ANY TIME?
>> HERE IS THE DEAL. WHEN YOU ARE GETTING DIVORCED
OR ‐‐ I WANT MY KIDS TO WANT TO STAY AT MY HOUSE.
SO WHAT I DO IS THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT.
YOU CAN EAT WHATEVER YOU WANT. YOU WANT A BEER. YOU'RE 12.
I DON'T CARE.
>> Jimmy: WHY DO I IMAGINE THE CLIP BEING SHOWN IN THE CUSTODY
HEARING. HE WAS KIDDING, EVERYBODY, RIGHT.
>> IT WAS A JOKE.
>> Jimmy: HOW OLD ARE THE KIDS?
>> ONE IS 13, ONE IS 17 AND ONE IS 24.
>> Jimmy: YOU GOT A COUPLE OF MEN THERE.
>> THEY HAVE MORE HAIR ON THEIR BODY THAN I DO.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS GOOD. WELL, I GUESS, YES. I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW. DO YOU EVER BOX WITH THEM?
>> ALL OF THEM BOX. MY BIG GUY BOXES WITH ME SINCE
HE IS 11 YEARS OLD.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU TAKE IT EASY ON YOUR SON?
>> NO. DON'T TAKE IT EASY ON ANY OF
THEM.
>> Jimmy: I HAVE TWO SONS. ONCE WE WENT TO A PAINTBALL
THING, RIGHT. AND I WAS ON ONE TEAM.
HE WAS ON ANOTHER TEAM WITH HIS FRIEND, MOSTLY HIS FRIENDS AND
ME AND ONE OTHER DAD. I SEE HIM ACROSS THE WAY.
I GOT THE SIGHTS. I SEE HIS HEAD. I HAD A MOMENT LIKE AM I GO TO
SHOOT MY SON IN THE HEAD. AND THE NEXT SECOND ONE WHIZZED
BY MY EAR. SHE SHOT ME IN THE HEAD.
>> THAT IS WHY. THEY DON'T CARE.
MY LITTLE GUY IS A GAMER. LAST NIGHT, YOU KNOW THEY WERE
WITH ME FOR THE WEEKEND. IT IS 4:00 IN THE MORNING.
I HEAR VOICES IN THE HOUSE. I WALK INTO HIS ROOM.
I GO HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING. IT IS 4:00 IN THE MORNING.
HE SAID IS IT. GIVE ME TEN MINUTES.
I AM LIKE I WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH. GO TO BED.
>> Jimmy: GIVE ME TEN MINUTES. YOU HAVE TO GET TO THE NEXT
LEVEL. YOU KNOW THAT. YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE BEFORE THE
LEVEL. DO YOU WATCH THESE CELEBRITY
BOXING, YOUTUBE STARS WHO HAVE BEEN FIGHTING?
>> I DO. I DO.
>> Jimmy: YOU DO.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I HAVE BEEN OFFERED TO
FIGHT SOME OF THEM.
>> I AM OLD. LOOK. THANK GOD THESE GUYS HAVE A WAY
TO MAKE A LIVING. THESE KIDS HAVE CARVED ON OUT A
NICHE FOR THEMSELVES.
>> Jimmy: MAYWEATHER MUST HAVE $100 MILLION.
>> ISN'T IT SAD TO WATCH THE BIG L LEGACY.
>> Jimmy: I HATE IT. IT SOILS THE SPORT.
>> IT DOES. LIKE YOU, I AM A BOXING PURIST.
I LOVE BOXING.
>> Jimmy: WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE?
>> EVER? ALI.
>> Jimmy: HE IS THE BEST. NOT JUST THE BEST BOXER.
>> I MET HIM AT MY FRIEND'S PREMIER FOR "MIRACLE."
SOMEONE CAME OVER TO ME AND SAID DO YOU WANT TO MEET THE CHAMP.
I AM LIKE MY GOODNESS. DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN THE
BEETLES, ALL OF THE GIRLS WOULD SCREAM AND CRY AND GO INTO
CONVULSIONS.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED WITH THEM WHEN I WALKED OUT HERE.
>> YOU WOULD GO HOW STUPID DOES THAT LOOK, THESE STUPID GIRLS.
CUT TO THE THERE IS ALI.
I LITERALLY WENT EH. EH.
I STARTED TO CRY. I SWEAR TO GOD, I STARTED TO CRY.
HE WAS HOLDING ONE OF MY ‐‐ SHAKING MY HAND AND PUT HIS
OTHER HAND AND PULLED ME CLOSE TO HIM LIKE YES.
LITTLE ITALIAN MAN, I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND KIND OF
LET ME GO LIKE A BUTTERFLY. IT WAS THE MOST PROFOUND THING.
I COULD NOT SPEAK.
>> IT PROBABLY HAPPENED TO HIM SIX TIMES A DAY.
>> I KNOW, RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: PEOPLE WERE JUST OVERWHELMED MEETING HIM.
>> IN MY GENERATION HE REPRESENTED SOMETHING THAT
TRANSCENDED BOXING.
>> Jimmy: FORGET ABOUT THE BOXING, BUT JUST WATCHING HIM
SPEAK. I WAS WATCHING A FEW WEEKS AGO,
A CLIP OF HIM ON A TALK SHOW. HE IS JUST LIKE ONE OF THE MOST
BRILLIANT PEOPLE EVER.
>> EVER. AND PROBABLY ‐‐ WE WERE JUST
TALKING ABOUT THIS BACKSTAGE. I LOVE TO SAY BACKSTAGE.
BUT PROBABLY ASIDE FROM CHRIST MAYBE ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS
PEOPLE, HUMAN BEINGS.
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE RIGHT.3 OF COURSE.
>> BEFORE THE INTERNET. THERE WAS NO INTERNET.
YOU COULD GO TO ANY PART OF THE GLOBE AND PEOPLE WOULD KNOW WHO
ALI IS.
>> Jimmy: WORLDWIDE, HIM, OPRAH AND JESUS.
>> MAYBE BOB MARLEY.
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE PROBABLY RIGHT. YOU ARE IN THIS MOVIE THE
HITMAN'S WIFE'S BODYGUARD.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS A SEQUEL TO THE HITMAN'S BODYGUARD.
>> I DID NOT SEE IT.
>> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T SEE THE FIRST ONE?
>> I SWEAR TO GOD. I HAD NO IDEA.
I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON IN MY MOVIE.
>> Jimmy: YOUR MOVIE IS NUMBER ONE IN THE COUNTRY.
>> IT IS?
>> Jimmy: YES, IT IS. YOU HAD A PREMIER AND ALL OF
THAT STUFF.
>> WE HAD A REAL PREMIER WITH PEOPLE. AND IT WAS KIND OF FUN.
>> IT IS GREAT TO GET BACK TO THESE THINGS.
>> YOU KNOW I AM A HUGE JIMMY KIMMEL FAN.
BUT THIS IS REALLY IMPRESSIVE.
>> Jimmy: IT IS FUN, RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT IS ANOTHER FUN
THING, ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS WHEN YOU HAVE GOT AN ACTOR, A
FAMOUS PERSON ON A TALK SHOW IS TO SHOW A CLIP FROM EARLY IN
THEIR CAREER. I HAPPEN TO HAVE A CLIP FROM
SILK STALKINGS, YOUR FIRST TELEVISION APPEARANCE.
>> CERTAINLY MY FIRST TELEVISION EXPERIENCE AS A STRIPPER.
>> Jimmy: OH, LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
>> LOOK AT MY HAIR.
>> I MARRIED THAT WOMAN FOR FOUR DAYS.
>> Jimmy: HELLO MR. ALI, MY NAME IS FRANK GRILLO.
>> THE GUY THAT WAS THE LEAD ON THAT SHOW, I REMEMBER TALKING TO
HIM LIKE I HAVE BEEN ON THE SHOW FOR THREE YEARS.
I AM TRYING TO GET OFF IT. GET OFF IT.
I AM JUST TRYING TO BE ON IT. I CAN'T IMAGINE AN ACTOR WANTING
TO GET OFF OF SOMETHING.
>> Jimmy: IT IS GREAT TO SEE YOU. FRANK GRILLO.
THE HITMAN'S WIFE'S BODYGUARD IS IN MOVIE THEATERS.
WE WILL BE BACK WITH LUCY DACUS.
>> THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY
MERCEDES‐BENZ.
>> Jimmy: THIS ALBUM COMES OUT ON FRIDAY.
NOW WITH THE SONG "BRANDO." LUCY DACUS.
♪
♪ YOU TOLD ME
TO SKIP SCHOOL TO GO WITH YOU TO THE MOVIES ♪
♪ YOU KNEW YOU
WERE UNCOOL BUT YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD FOOL ME ♪
♪ THEY PLAY OLDIES
IN THE AFTERNOON FOR THE ELDERLY AND ME AND YOU ♪
♪ FRED AND GINGER
BLACK AND WHITE I WATCH YOU WATCH IT'S
A WONDERFUL LIFE ♪
♪ YOU CALLED
ME CEREBRAL I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT ♪
♪ BUT NOW I DO WOULD
IT HAVE KILLED YOU TO CALL ME PRETTY INSTEAD ♪
♪ I'M IN A SECOND
STORY WINDOW AND YOU'RE YELLING AT ME STELLA ♪
♪ AND I'M LAUGHING CAUSE
YOU THINK YOU'RE BRANDO BUT YOU'LL NEVER COME CLOSE ♪
♪ ALL I NEED FOR
YOU TO ADMIT IS THAT YOU NEVER KNEW ME
LIKE YOU THOUGHT YOU DID ♪
♪ YOU NEVER KNEW ME LIKE
pYOU THOUGHT YOU DID LIKE YOU THOUGHT
YOU DID ♪
♪ YOU SAY HERE'S
LOOKING AT YOU KID THINKING I WOULDN'T
UNDERSTAND THE REFERENCE ♪
♪ YOU ADMIT YOU THINK
WE'RE FATED I'LL BE LUCKY IF I'M YOUR THIRD WIFE ♪
♪ THAT'S ONLY SOMETHING
YOU WOULD SAY IN THE CAR WE'VE BEEN BREATHING THE
SAME AIR FOR TOO LONG ♪
♪ IF THE SNOW WASN'T
COMING DOWN SO HARD I WOULD OPEN THE DOOR
AND WALK HOME ♪
♪ IT'S ONLY
A COUPLE MILES
WHAT COULD GO WRONG ♪
♪ IF I HITCH A RIDE WITH
A GUY IN A PICK UP WHO DOESN'T KNOW LEFT FROM
RIGHT FROM WRONG ♪
♪ ALL I NEED FOR
YOU TO ADMIT IS THAT YOU NEVER KNEW ME
LIKE YOU THOUGHT YOU DID ♪
♪ YOU NEVER KNEW ME LIKE
YOU THOUGHT YOU DID LIKE YOU THOUGHT YOU DID ♪
♪ ALL I NEED FOR
YOU TO ADMIT IS THAT YOU NEVER KNEW ME
LIKE YOU THOUGHT YOU DID ♪
♪
>> Announcer: THE JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED
BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK SARAH PAULSON, FRANK GRILLO AND
LUCY DACUS. APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON.
>> WE RAN OUT OF TIME FROM HIM. TOMORROW NIGHT,
QUENTIN TARANTINO AND ILIZA SHLESINGER WITH MUSIC FROM
LUKAS NELSON AND PROMISE OF THE REAL. I ALSO WANT TO THANK OUR
AUDIENCE FOR BEING HERE. AFTER PARTY'S AT DAVE AND
BUSTERS ACROSS THE STREET AND DON'T FORGET YOUR EGGS AND SOCKS.
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING, GOODNIGHT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪