>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!"
TONIGHT -- OWEN WILSON, BETTY GILPIN, AND
MUSIC FROM SPICE FEATURING SEAN PAUL AND SHAGGY.
AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WELL, HI, EVERYONE. I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST OF THE
SHOW. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING US HERE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, WHERE AS --
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU FEEL THAT WEIRD ENERGY IN THE ROOM.
[ LAUGHTER ] AS OF TODAY, WE ARE OPEN FOR
BUSINESS. WE ARE OFFICIALLY NOW AT
100% CAPACITY. NO CAPACITY LIMITS, NO DISTANCE
REQUIREMENTS. EVERYWHERE YOU GO.
IN FACT, THE ONLY PLACE THAT ISN'T OPEN FOR BUSINESS IS OUR
SHOW. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S RIGHT. I'M STILL DOING JOKES FOR
23 MEMBERS OF AN ALL-HOSTAGE STAFF.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT EVERYWHERE ELSE, YOU KNOW,
WE CAN -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WE CAN FINALLY BREATHE FOR TWO DAYS BEFORE FIRE SEASON STARTS
BACK UP AGAIN. HERE IN L.A., WE HAVE A LOT TO
LOOK FORWARD TO. NOW THAT THE COVID RESTRICTIONS
HAVE BEEN LIFTED, WE WELCOME BACK BEING STUCK ON THE 405,
WAITING TWO HOURS IN LINE AT AN AMUSEMENT PARK, PARKING SPOT
FIGHTS, DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET A BARTENDER TO SEE YOU.
THE GUY BEHIND YOU WHO YELLS AT THE MOVIE SCREEN.
LONG, SWEATY HUGS. WALKING THROUGH CLOUDS OF POT
SMOKE AT THE PLAYGROUND. [ LAUGHTER ]
TRIPPING OVER BIRD SCOOTERS OUT FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE.
AND OF COURSE, THE SMELL OF A CO-WORKER MICROWAVING FISH.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WELCOME BACK, FRIENDS. WELCOME.
WE MISSED YOU TERRIBLY. NOW IF YOU SEE A WHITE WOMAN
SCREAMING IN TRADER JOE'S, SHE'S NOT AN ANTI-MASKER, SHE'S JUST
MAD THEY'RE OUT OF OAT MILK. [ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S GOING TO BE A MAGICAL SUMMER.
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING THINKING ABOUT -- REMEMBER THIS LADY, WHO
POSITIONED HERSELF OUTSIDE THE BASKIN-ROBBINS?
[ LAUGHTER ] THIS BRAVE WOMAN I'M ASSUMING
DIED TO GET CALIFORNIA'S ECONOMY OPEN AGAIN.
SO, THANK YOU SCREECHY ICE CREAM KAREN.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOUR SACRIFICE WAS NOT IN VAIN.
RIGHT, GUILLERMO? OH, GUILLERMO'S SICK AGAIN
TONIGHT. GUILLERMO'S SICK AGAIN TONIGHT,
YEAH. [ LAUGHTER ]
THE DODGERS HAVE THEIR FIRST FULL-CAPACITY GAME OF THE SEASON
TONIGHT. COINCIDENTALLY, GUILLERMO IS
SICK. [ APPLAUSE ]
I WONDER IF THIS IS GOING TO CATCH ON IN L.A.
THE FANS WERE BACK AT WRIGLEY FIELD THIS WEEKEND IN CHICAGO.
THEY DID SOMETHING I'VE NOT SEEN BEFORE.
YOU EVER TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHO STARTED THE WAVE?
I ONCE WENT ON A DEEP DIVE IN THE INTERNET.
LET'S REMEMBER THIS. THIS COULD BE THE NEXT WAVE.
THIS IS A PHENOMENON THAT SEEMS TO DATE BACK TO 2019 AT WRIGLEY
FIELD. WHERE A FAN OR FANS, I'M NOT
SURE WHO OR HOW MANY, TOOK IT UPON THEMSELVES TO START
STACKING CUPS, THE BEER CUPS, THE CLEAR PLASTIC ONES THEY SELL
THE BUDWEISER IN. THEY STACK THEM UP AS HIGH AS
THEY COULD. THEN THE CUPS -- IT GOT CUT OFF
BY COVID BECAUSE PEOPLE STOPPED GOING TO GAMES.
THEY STOPPED STACKING CUPS. UNTIL THIS IS THE CUBS/CARDINALS
GAME AT WRIGLEY ON SUNDAY. THE FANS WERE SO HAPPY TO BE
BACK -- [ LAUGHTER ]
THEY FORMED THIS, I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG IT WAS, BUT THEY CALL
IT -- SOME CALL IT A BEER SNAKE, SOME CALL IT A CUP SNAKE.
IT AS SNAKE MADE OUT OF CUPS. I GUESS THE MESSAGE IS WE'RE NOT
WORRIED ABOUT COVID AT ALL ANYMORE.
[ LAUGHTER ] SOMEONE COUNTED IT UP, AND THEY
ESTIMATE THAT THIS SNAKE REPRESENTS $30,000 WORTH OF
BEERS. [ LAUGHTER ]
APPARENT HE THE CUBS DON'T LIKE IT.
BARSTOOL SPORTS STARTED SELLING CUP SNAKE SHIRTS, WHICH ARE NOW
BANNED FROM WRIGLEY FIELD. AND SECURITY AT WRIGLEY HAS BEEN
CONFISCATING CUPS. NOT JUST CONFISCATING BUT LOOK
AT THIS GUY, ANGRILY TAKING THOSE CUPS AWAY.
GIMME THOSE CUPS, YOU STACKER! [ LAUGHTER ]
I GUESS BEER SOMETIMES SPILLS ON OTHER FANS, WHICH -- IN A WAY I
FEEL THEY'RE PENALIZING PEOPLE FOR CLEANING UP THE STADIUM,
RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ]
I SAY LET THE PEOPLE STACK THEIR CUPS!
AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH, IS THAT REALLY SO BAD?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] LET'S NOT FORGET, A YEAR AGO,
ONE YEAR AGO TODAY, PRIESTS WERE BAPTIZING BABIES WITH WATER
GUNS, OKAY? [ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT'S A LITTLE CUP STACKING GONNA HURT?
EVEN DR. FAUCI WAS OUT LAST NIGHT PARTYING IT UP.
AT BLACK THAT MEAN GOE FLAMINGO IN NEW YORK.
♪ THERE HE IS.
[ LAUGHTER ] IN NEW YORK, AS MORE PEOPLE ARE
TAKING PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION AGAIN, THEY'VE SEEN A SHARP
INCREASE IN SUBWAY CARS CAKED WITH FECES, GARBAGE, BLOOD, AND
VOMIT. IN OTHER WORDS, NEW YORK CITY IS
BACK! KRCH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ DRUMROLL ♪
SPEAKING OF HUMAN EXCREMENT, CONGRESSWOMAN MARJORIE TAYLOR
GREENE -- [ LAUGHTER ]
PLAUTDS APPLAUSE [ APPLAUSE ] DID SOMETHING UNUSUAL.
SOMETHING UNUSUAL FOR HER. SHE APOLOGIZED.
REMEMBER LAST MONTH WHEN SHE COMPARED CONGRESSPEOPLE HAVING
TO WEAR MASKS TO JEWS HAVING TO WEAR THE STAR OF DAVID DURING
THE HOLOCAUST? WELL, YESTERDAY, KLAN MOM PAID A
VISIT TO THE HOLOCAUST MUSEUM IN D.C., AND I GUESS A FIELD TRIP
DID SOME GOOD BECAUSE SHE APOLOGIZED.
>> THE HORRORS OF THE HOLOCAUST ARE SOMETHING THAT SOME PEOPLE
DON'T EVEN BELIEVE HAPPENED. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH BUT SHE'S HERE TO FINALLY SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT.
IT DID HAPPEN. AND IT WAS BAD.
IT'S AMAZING WHAT JUST A LITTLE EDUCATION CAN DO.
SHE NOW KNOWS AS MUCH ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST AS EVERY SIXTH GRADER
IN WASHINGTON, D.C. QUICK, BUILD A CLIMATE CHANGE
MUSEUM! [ APPLAUSE ]
BUT THE IMPORTANT THING HERE IS THAT MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE SAID
SHE'S SORRY. AND SHE IS SORRY.
SHE MIGHT BE THE SORRIEST EXCUSE FOR A CONGRESSWOMAN WE'VE EVER
HAD. [ LAUGHTER ]
NEXT SHE'S PLANNING A VISIT TO THE NATIONAL AIR AND JEWISH
SPACE LASER MUSEUM. [ LAUGHTER ]
YESTERDAY, I MENTIONED THIS YESTERDAY, WAS DONALD TRUMP'S
75th BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY. SHE HAD A LITTLE GET-TOGETHER AT
TRUMP'S CLUB IN BEDMINSTER LAST NIGHT.
HIS SON, DJTJ, POSTED VIDEO OF THAT ON INSTAGRAM.
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MR. PRESIDENT ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU >> Jimmy: OH, LOOK AT THAT WHAT
A PARTY, ALL THE BEST PEOPLE WERE THERE.
ALTHOUGH I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE HIS WIFE WASN'T.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S HIS 75th BIRTHDAY.
THIS IS A BIG BIRTHDAY. WHERE'S MELANIA?
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF SHE RAN OFF WITH HUNTER BIDEN?
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] WHERE'S MELANIA?
WAIT, WHERE'S HUNTER? I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW THIS,
BUT BATMAN WAS TRENDING YESTERDAY AFTER REPORTS THAT A
SEX SCENE GOT AXED FROM THE UPCOMING SEASON OF "HARLEY
QUINN," WHICH IS AN ANIMATED SERIES ON HBO MAX.
THE CREATORS WROTE A SCENE IN WHICH BATMAN PERFORMS ORAL SEX
ON CATWOMAN, BUT THE GANG AT DC COMICS SAID NO WAY.
AND THE REASON THEY GAVE IS THEY SAID "HEROES DON'T DO THAT."
DC IS SO PC. [ LAUGHTER ]
OF COURSE HEROES DO THAT. YOU THINK JAMES BOND DOESN'T DO
THAT? [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU THINK MR. T. DOESN'T DO THAT?
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] I PITY THE FOOL WHO THINKS HE
DOESN'T DO THAT. FOR GOD'S SAKE, MR. ROGERS
PROBABLY DID THAT. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
BATMAN HAS ALL THOSE GADGETS, OF COURSE HE DOES THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] IN THAT SUIT, IT'S THE ONLY SEX
ACT HE CAN PERFORM. [ LAUGHTER ]
I LOVE THAT THEY WERE OUTRAGED BY THIS, BUT NOT A PEEP ABOUT
BRUCE WAYNE KEEPING A TEENAGE WARD IN HIS CAVE.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE WHOLE REASON BATMAN EXISTS
IS BECAUSE IT WASN'T SAFE TO GO DOWNTOWN IN GOTHAM.
[ APPLAUSE ] BY THE WAY, YOU KNOW HOW YOU CAN
TELL BATMAN WAS HAVING SEX IN YOUR BED?
YOU FIND THE WORDS "POW!" "BAM!" AND "SPLAT!" LAYING ALL OVER THE
PLACE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT'S A JOKE FOR THE OLD-SCHOOL BATMAN FANS.
[ LAUGHTER ] WE ARE NOW ABOUT A MONTH AWAY
FROM THE SUMMER OLYMPICS IN TOKYO WHERE MOST OF THE PEOPLE
WHO LIVE THERE ARE LESS THAN THRILLED ABOUT THE IDEA OF
HOSTING THE GAMES DURING A PANDEMIC.
ONLY 5% OF THE POPULATION IS CURRENTLY VACCINATED IN TOKYO.
AND BECAUSE OF THAT, ONE OF THE TRADITIONS AT THE OLYMPIC
VILLAGE IS BEING THREATENED. ORGANIZERS TYPICALLY GIVE OUT
CONDOMS TO THE ATHLETES, BUT THIS TIME, THERE'S A CATCH.
ACCORDING TO OLYMPIC OFFICIALS, "THE DISTRIBUTION OF CONDOMS IS
NOT FOR USE AT THE ATHLETE'S VILLAGE, BUT TO HAVE ATHLETES
TAKE THEM BACK TO THEIR HOME COUNTRIES TO RAISE AWARENESS."
[ LAUGHTER ] RAISE AWARENESS?
OF CONDOMS? "COUNTRYMEN, GATHER 'ROUND!
THIS IS A LATEX BALLOON DESIGNED TO CAPTURE BABY BATTER!"
BEHOLD! THIS IS CRAZY.
[ LAUGHTER ] SOME PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TRAINING
THEIR WHOLE LIVES TO HAVE SEX AT THE OLYMPICS, IT'S NOT FAIR!
[ LAUGHTER ] THE OLYMPICS START IN JUST ABOUT
FIVE WEEKS AND I WONDER IF ANYONE IS AWARE THEY'RE COMING
AT ALL. SO WE WENT ON THE STREET AND WE
ASKED PEOPLE, WE GET PEOPLE FROM UL ALL OVER THE WORLD IN
HOLLYWOOD, WE ASKED THEM TO GIVE THE REVIEW OF THE OLYMPICS SO
FAR, EVEN THOUGH AS I SAID THEY HAVE NOT STARTED.
BUT DID THAT STOP PEOPLE SAYING THEY'RE WATCHING?
OF COURSE NOT, IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF "LIE WITNESS NEWS."
[ APPLAUSE ] >> HEY, BEEN WATCHING THE
OLYMPICS? >> OH, YEAH, OF COURSE.
>> HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING THE OLYMPICS?
>> YEAH. >> HAVE YOU BEEN ENJOYING THEM?
>> THE TOKYO ONES, YOU MEAN? >> YEAH.
>> NICK, HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING
THE OLYMPICS? >> I HAVE BEEN.
>> YOU BEEN ENJOYING THEM? >> I DO, YEAH.
>> THE BIG STORY, CAITLYN JENNER RETURNING TO COMPETE FOR THE
UNITED STATES IN THE DECATHLON AS A WOMAN.
HOW DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL, SEEING HER UP THERE COMPETING?
>> I THINK IT WAS AMAZING, A BIG STEP FORWARD FOR WOMEN ACROSS
AMERICA. A BEAUTIFUL THING, ESPECIALLY
SEEING -- COMPETING IN THE DECATHLON, THAT TAKES YEARS OF
HARD WORK, DEDICATION, ATHLETICISM.
IT'S AMAZING, COMPETING AT A HIGH LEVEL.
>> DO YOU WANT TO SAY ANYTHING, GIVE HER ENCOURAGEMENT?
>> MRS. JENNER, KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING, YOU'RE AMAZING,
YOU AND ALL WOMEN IN AMERICA, THANK YOU.
>> WHICH OLYMPIC SPORTS HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING?
>> FIGURE SKATING. >> YOU MUST HAVE SEEN NANCY
HARDING WIN THAT BRONZE WITH HER TORN ACLU?
>> CORRECT. >> DO YOU WANT TO WISH HER A
SPEEDY RECOVERY ON HER ACLU? >> NANCY HARDING,
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR SPEEDY RECOVERY, AND CONGRATULATIONS.
>> WHO HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING WITH?
>> MY BOYFRIEND. >> HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING WATER
POLO? >> BITS OF IT.
>> DID IT MAKE YOU SAD WHEN ALL THE PONIES DROWNED?
>> YEAH? >> WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE
OLYMPICS, HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING?
>> HIGHLIGHTS, THINGS LIKE THAT. >> YOU SAW USAIN BOLT WIN THAT
BIG RACE? >> I DID, A LITTLE BIT OF IT.
>> NO ONE THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO WIN, RACING AGAINST GREG FAST
WHEN. >> YOUNGER PEOPLE, YEAH.
>> LEN QUICKEN, AND THE RUSSIAN, HARRY RONZATAN.
>> I HAVEN'T WATCHED MYSELF. >> HAVE YOU SEEN HIGHLIGHTS?
>> NOT AT ALL. HOWEVER, I HAVE HEARD THAT IT'S
GOOD. >> YOU HAVE FRIENDS WHO HAVE
BEEN WATCHING? >> NO.
WELL, YES, A LITTLE BIT. >> WHICH FRIENDS?
>> FRIENDS FROM -- LIKE FAMILY. FAMILY FRIENDS.
>> WHICH FAMILY FRIENDS? >> MOM'S SIDE.
>> YOUR MOM'S SIDE? >> YEP.
>> WHAT'S THEIR NAME? >> UM -- SANDY.
>> SANDY'S BEEN WATCHING IT? >> YEP.
>> WHAT SPORTS DOES SANDY LIKE IN THE OLYMPICS?
>> SHOT PUT. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: SHOT PUT.
OF ALL THE SPORTS. SANDY LIKES SHOT PUT.
[ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT, WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW
FOR YOU TONIGHT. BETTY GILPIN IS HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WE HAVE MUSIC FROM SPICE
FEATURING SEAN PAUL AND SHAGGY. AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
THE WONDERFUL OWEN WILSON, SO STICK AROUND!
♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: HELLO, FRIENDS. TONIGHT, FROM THE NEW MOVIE "THE
TOMORROW WAR," BETTY GILPIN IS HERE.
THEN LATER, FROM JAMAICA, HER DEBUT ALBUM "TEN" COMES OUT
JULY 30th. MUSIC FROM SPICE WITH SEAN PAUL
AND SHAGGY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
TOMORROW NIGHT, ZOOEY DESCHANEL AND SAM RICHARDSON WILL JOIN US,
WITH MUSIC FROM KODAK BLACK. AND WE'RE GOING TO HAVE THE GUY
WHO GOT SWALLOWED BY A HUMPBACK WHALE HERE IN STUDIO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WE FOUND HIM.
HE'S ALIVE. IT WOULD BE WEIRD IF HE WASN'T.
[ LAUGHTER ] WE WOULD NOT BE FLYING HIM OUT,
I WILL TELL YOU THAT, WE DO HAVE SOME STANDARDS.
TOMORROW NIGHT, IF YOU WANT TO MEET A MAN WHO WAS SWALLOWED BY
A WHALE, FOR REAL, HE WILL BE WITH US TOMORROW NIGHT.
OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS TAKING A TEMPORARY LEAVE FROM
THE WES ANDERSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE TO BE PART OF THE
MARVEL ONE. HE PLAYS TVA AGENT
MOBIUS M. MOBIUS IN "LOKI." NEW EPISODES COME OUT WEDNESDAYS
ON DISNEY PLUS. PLEASE WELCOME OWEN WILSON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HEY, OWEN.
>> HOW YOU DOING, JIMMY? >> Jimmy: I'M DOING WELL.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. YES.
NICE TO BE HERE, VIRTUALLY, OF COURSE.
I WISH THAT I WAS THERE WITH YOU, KIND OF, BECAUSE I LIKE
WHEN WE SORT OF GET THAT CHEMISTRY, GET THAT FLOW GOING.
>> Jimmy: YES. >> SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO EACH
OTHER. BUT WE'LL DO OUR BEST TODAY.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WE WILL. [ LAUGHTER ]
WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW? >> I AM -- WHERE AM I?
YES, I'M ABOUT FIVE HOURS WEST OF YOU.
>> Jimmy: AH. YOU ARE IN HAWAII.
YOU'RE IN MAUI, RIGHT? THAT'S WHERE YOU ARE?
YEAH. >> YES.
I'M IN MAUI. BUT, LIKE I SAY, I'M JUST -- I'M
CRUSHED THAT I'M NOT WITH YOU GUYS.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE REALLY MISSING OUT, OWEN.
DO WE HAVE THAT VIDEO? THIS IS RIGHT BEHIND OUR
THEATER. WE HAD A FULL CAR FIRE GOING ON
HERE TODAY, I MEAN, IT WAS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.
IT SMELLED LIKE PLUMERIA FLOWERS, IT WAS REALLY SOMETHING
TO SEE. THAT'S HOLLYWOOD FOR YOU.
>> YOU'RE GIVING ME GOOSEBUMPS. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY, YOU LIKE BEING HERE IN
HOLLYWOOD, YOU ASSUME THEY MUST BE SHOOTING SOMETHING WHEN
THERE'S A CAR ON FIRE. TURNS OUT, JUST A GOOD
OLD-FASHIONED CAR ON FIRE. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO YOU'RE DOING WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE.
BOY, YOU LOOK HAPPY. ACTUALLY, YOU LOOK --
>> THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: YOUR SHIRT IS VERY
IRONED. DID YOU DO THAT YOURSELF?
>> I DID, AND IT'S ONE OF THOSE ONES THAT SORT OF STAYS KIND OF
LOOKING OKAY. SO I JUST SORT OF FISH IT OUT OF
THE CLOSET WHEN I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT, LIKE TODAY.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUTTON IT UP.
BUT THANK YOU. I THINK IT'S A NICE COLOR.
>> Jimmy: A.M. ANGELIC, I WOULD SAY.
ARE YOUR PALS WOODY HARRELSON ON THE ISLAND RIGHT NOW?
>> WOODY IS WORKING, BUT WILLIE'S HERE.
THEY'RE ACTUALLY FILMING -- DOING A DOCUMENTARY ON HIM.
SO I WAS ACTUALLY -- THEY INTERVIEWED ME FOR THE
DOCUMENTARY A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO.
THEN I SAW HIM YESTERDAY WE PLAYED SOME DOMINOS.
>> Jimmy: NICE. >> I MIGHT SEE HIM EVEN LATER
TODAY. >> Jimmy: OH.
>> BUT YEAH, IT WAS FUN DOING -- YOU KNOW, THE THING WITH WILLIE,
BECAUSE HE WAS SUCH A BIG, YOU KNOW -- SUCH A BIG DEAL, KIND
OF, GROWING UP, AND MY PARENTS LOVED HIM, AND BEING IN TEXAS.
I STILL SORT OF CAN'T QUITE BELIEVE THAT I'M SORT OF FRIENDS
WITH HIM. >> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> IT SORT OF FEELS LIKE A SEVENTH GRADER WHO KNOWS THE
STAR QUARTERBACK. AND THEN HE LETS -- HE KNOWS HIS
NAME AND SAYS HELLO TO HIM. SOMETIMES EATS LUNCH WITH HIM.
[ LAUGHTER ] KEEPS THE OTHER GUYS FROM
PICKING ON HIM. [ LAUGHTER ]
BUT YEAH, IT WAS GREAT. AND SO IN THE DOCUMENTARY THEY
WERE JUST KIND OF ASKING ME ABOUT, YOU KNOW, ALL THE POKER
STUFF. AND THEN, OF COURSE, YOU KNOW,
THERE'S MARIJUANA. >> Jimmy: WHAT?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, THEY'RE -- YOU KNOW,
THAT, OF COURSE, IS PART OF THE STORY.
YOU CAN'T WHITEWASH THAT. >> Jimmy: NO, NO.
>> AND SO -- BUT I STILL HAVE A THING FROM GROWING UP THAT IT'S
SORT OF A SECRETIVE -- LIKE YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE THAT.
>> Jimmy: UH-HUH. >> BUT IT'S -- I MEAN, THERE'S
NOTHING TO HIDE. >> Jimmy: IT RUINS IT IN A WAY,
DOESN'T IT? YEAH.
>> IT DOES. I MEAN, IT SOMETIMES TAKES SOME
OF THE FUN OUT OF IT. I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WHN YOU'RE
KIND OF A BIT, YOU KNOW -- YOU KNOW, FEELS LIKE KIND OF BEING
BACK IN NINTH GRADE, SNEAKING OUT AND STUFF.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. I'VE BEEN SNORTING BATH SALTS,
ACTUALLY. [ LAUGHTER ]
JUST TO TRY TO DO SOMETHING A LITTLE DIFFERENT, YOU KNOW?
WHAT ABOUT WILLIE? IS IT LEGAL IN HAWAII NOW?
DECRIMINALIZED OR LEGALIZED THERE?
>> IT IS, YEAH. >> Jimmy: OH.
>> I THINK IT'S THE SAME AS CALIFORNIA NOW.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, ALL RIGHT. OH, WOW.
AND DOES THAT GIVE YOU AN ADVANTAGE?
>> PROGRESS. >> Jimmy: OVER WILLIE WHEN IT
COMES TO PLAYING POKER? THE FACT THAT HE IS BAKED OUT OF
HIS MIND? >> IT DOESN'T.
I WOULD THINK -- I'D THINK THAT WAS, YOU KNOW -- MAYBE, YOU
KNOW, YEARS AGO. THAT WAS MY GAME PLAN BUT IT
HASN'T WORKED OUT THAT WAY. I TEND TO LOSE.
BUT MAYBE HE'S JUST A LOT BETTER AT PLAYING HIGH THAN I AM.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> HE'S, YOU KNOW -- YOU KNOW, WITH DOMINOS AND STUFF, I JUST
GET -- HE REALLY CAN -- HE'S GREAT AT DOMINOS.
HE'S BEEN PLAYING SINCE HE WAS A KID.
I SOMETIMES TALK ABOUT WHERE WE PLAY POKER IS CALLED -- IT'S IN
SORT OF THE BACK OF HIS GARAGE, AND HE CALLS IT DJANGO'S ORCHID
LOUNGE. [ LAUGHTER ]
I SOMETIMES, WHEN I WALK IN, BECAUSE I KNOW I'M GOING TO
LOSE, I'LL SAY, WELL, HERE I AM, WHERE DREAMS GO TO DIE.
[ LAUGHTER ] BACK IN DJANGO'S ORCHID LOUNGE,
WHICH WAS SOMETHING THAT MY DAD USED TO SAY.
THERE WAS THIS HAMBURGER PLACE THAT ME AND MY BROTHERS LOVED
GOING AND MY DAD KIND OF WAS LIKE, HE DIDN'T REALLY LOVE THE
PLACE TIAL THE JUKEBOX WAS ALWAYS BROKEN.
HE'D SAY THAT PLACE WAS REALLY DEPRESSING, HE'D SAY IT WAS
WHERE DREAMS GO TO DIE. SO SAYING THAT LINE, APPLYING IT
TO NOW LOSING ALL THE TIME IN DOMINOS, WILLIE HAS SUCH A GREAT
EAR. HE'S LIKE, OH, I LIKE THAT.
WROTE IT DOWN AND STUCK IT UP ON THE WALL.
AND THEN ACTUALLY MADE A SONG WITH THAT LINE.
AND I THINK IT'S EVEN SORT OF THE TITLE OF IT.
AND THAT, YOU KNOW -- WHEN I THINK ABOUT MY DAD, THE IDEA
THAT HE SAID SOMETHING TO US AS KIDS, KIND OF KIDDING AROUND,
THAT THEN I PARROT BACK TO WILLIE, AND HE PUTS INTO A SONG,
THAT'S A GREAT -- >> THAT SURE IS.
[ APPLAUSE ] HOW ABOUT YOUR BOYS?
HOW OLD ARE YOUR BOYS NOW? >> I'VE GOT -- 10 AND 7.
THEY'RE STARTED BACK IN SCHOOL, STARTED KIND OF DOING STUFF.
FINN, THE 7-YEAR-OLD, HE ACTUALLY -- HE DEEJAYED A PARTY
A COUPLE WEEKS AGO. >> Jimmy: WHAT?
>> HE'S INTERESTED IN DEEJAYING. YEAH.
>> Jimmy: HOW? >> I KNOW IT SOUNDS -- IT SOUNDS
CRAZY. HE WENT TO -- HE HAS DEEJAY
CLASS. TWICE A WEEK THAT HE GOES TO AND
HE WORKS ON HIS BEATS AND STUFF. >> Jimmy: WHAT?
>> I'M NOT KIDDING. AND SO HE DEEJAYED -- IT WAS A
FRIEND'S -- LIKE A CHRISTENING OR BIRTHDAY PARTY.
BUT IT WAS MOSTLY GROWNUPS. FELLOWSHIP WAS ALL EXCITED TO
HAVE HIS DEEJAY KIT. AND FORD WENT ALONG WITH HIM,
KIND OF AS HIS HYPE MAN. [ LAUGHTER ]
KIND OF TECHNICAL SUPPORT. WHICH HE NEEDED.
BECAUSE WHEN HE SAW ALL THE GROWNUPS THERE, HE KIND OF GOT A
LITTLE BIT NERVOUS. AND DECIDED THAT HE WAS ONLY
GOING TO PLAY BEATS. AND IT PREPARED THIS GREAT RAP.
HE LOVES WILL SMITH. HE HAS THIS WILL SMITH SONG.
"JUST THE TWO OF US." SO HE HAD THAT WHOLE THING
MEMORIZED. WHEN HE SAW ALL THE GROWNUPS, HE
GOT A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS. THEN FORD KIND OF TALKED HIM
DOWN. AND HE ENDED UP RAPPING THAT
SONG. AND IT WAS A BIG HIT.
AND THEY HAD A TIP JAR OUT. THEY DID QUITE WELL.
>> Jimmy: WOW. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH. FORD, FORD KIND OF HAS HIS
SECURITY, AS I MENTIONED, HYPE MAN, FORD, AND MANAGER, FORD
DECIDED THE SPLIT WOULD BE 50/50.
WHICH FINN WAS THRILLED AT, HE THOUGHT IT WAS GOOD.
BUT THAT'S A PRETTY BOLD SPLIT FOR A MANAGER.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH. >> YOU'D HAVE TO GO BACK TO
COLONEL PARKER WITH ELVIS, A SPLIT LIKE THAT.
>> Jimmy: FINN IS REALLY, WITH BEING THE DEEJAY AND DOING THE
RAPPING, HE'S LIKE THE FRESH PRINCE AND DJ JAZZY JEFF
COMBINED. >> HE REALLY IS.
>> Jimmy: DOES HE HAVE A DEEJAY NAME?
HAS HE COME UP WITH SOMETHING SPECIAL?
>> HE DOES. IT'S DJ KID KAT.
>> Jimmy: KID KAT? >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I LIKE THAT. >> I LIKE IT TOO.
I HAD ANOTHER NAME FOR HIM. THAT HE REJECTED.
HE'S VERY STUCK ON BEING DJ KID KAT.
I THINK IT'S GREAT. >> Jimmy: WHAT WAS YOUR NAME?
WHAT WAS YOUR SUGGESTION? >> I CAN'T REMEMBER.
IT WAS -- I WAS TRYING TO THINK. IT WAS A -- WAS SOMETHING THAT
HAD LIGHTNING, LIKE SOMETHING A BIT MORE -- THAT FINN THOUGHT
WAS A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH. >> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> HE WANTED TO STICK WITH DJ KID KAT.
>> Jimmy: I'M IMAGINING YOU DIPPING INTO DJ KID KAT'S TIP
JAR TO PLAY DOMINOS AT WILLIE'S HOUSE.
[ APPLAUSE ] OWEN WILSON IS WITH US.
"LOKI" IS HIS SHOW. WE'LL SEE AN EXCLUSIVE CLIP FROM
THAT RIGHT AFTER THIS, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT
TO YOU BY VRBO. TOGETHER IS ALWAYS THE BEST
PLACE TO BE ON VACATION. >>> TAKE ME TO A REAL
APOCALYPSE, TAKE ME TO RAGNAROK, I'LL SHOW YOU.
>> SO YOU CAN RUN BACK TO YOUR HOPE LAND?
NO. >> WE CAN GO ANYWHERE.
>> I'M NOT TAKING YOU FOR A STROLL ALONG THE PROMENADE, MUCH
LESS THE APOCALYPSE. >> WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
WE'VE GOT TO PROPERLY TEST THIS THEORY.
>> HERE'S A FUN THEORY, YOU LURE ME OUT IN THE FIELD THEN STAB ME
IN THE BACK. THAT'S A THEORY I DON'T WANT TO
TEST. >> I'D NEVER STAB ANYONE IN THE
BACK SH BACK, THAT'S A BORING FORM OF
BETRAYA. >> I'VE STUDIED EVERY MOMENT OF
YOUR LIFE, YOU'VE LITERALLY STABBED PEOPLE IN THE BACK.
[ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: OWEN WILSON AND TOM
HIDDELSTON ON "LOKI." BOY, I LOVE THAT.
YOU DIDN'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT THE MARVEL UNIVERSE GOING INTO THIS?
>> I DIDN'T KNOW A GREAT DEAL ABOUT IT.
IT WAS -- IN FACT, BEFORE WE STARTED FILMING, TOM WAS NICE
ENOUGH TO SORT OF WALK ME THROUGH THE WHOLE MYTHOLOGY, WE
CALLED IT "THE LOKI LECTURES." I MEAN, WE SPENT MORE THAN A FEW
DAYS GOING OVER IT. >> Jimmy: WHAT?
>> HE WAS VERY, YOU KNOW, PATIENT WITH ME.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH.
TOM TOLD ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THIS LAST WEEK, HE WAS HERE ON
THE SHOW, HE WAS WITH US, AND HE SAID THAT, YEAH, HE HAD VISUAL
AIDS, HE HAD CLIPS PREPARED. IT SOUNDED LIKE SOME KIND OF A
COMMUNITY COLLEGE COURSE ON LOKI.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, THAT'S KIND OF WHAT IT
WAS LIKE AND I THINK IF I HAD HAD TEACHERS LIKE TOM, I WOULD
HAVE DONE BETTER IN SCHOOL. [ LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE HE WAS VERY UNDERSTANDING.
I MEAN, HE COULD TELL WHEN I WAS FADING.
YOU KNOW, IT WOULD GET TO BE KIND OF LATE AFTERNOON AND HE'D
SAY, "OWEN, MAYBE WE -- MAYBE WE PICK IT UP HERE TOMORROW."
AND I'D SAY, OKAY YEAH, THAT SOUNDS GOOD, I AM GETTING A BIT
TIRED. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND I'D GO HOME. AND ONE NIGHT, I GUESS HE FELT
MAYBE I HADN'T PAID, YOU KNOW, AS MUCH ATTENTION AS I SHOULD
HAVE THAT DAY. AND THERE WAS A KNOCK ON MY DOOR
WHERE I WAS STAYING. AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S NIGHTTIME.
AND I OPEN IT. THERE'S TOM.
HE WAS, YOU KNOW -- WE'RE GOING TO CONTINUE THE LECTURES.
IT WAS A BET LIKE JEFF PISCOLI WITH MR. HAHN.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] TOM SAID, DO YOU HAVE YOUR LOKI
NOTEBOOK? I WAS LIKE, NO, I LEFT THAT AT
MARVEL. HE WAS LIKE, I'VE GOT IT FOR
YOU. [ LAUGHTER ]
WE WENT UNTIL ABOUT MIDNIGHT THAT NIGHT.
>> Jimmy: OH, BOY. NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE SEEN
THIS, OWEN. BUT TOM -- THIS HAPPENED I
THINK -- THIS PROBABLY HAPPENED -- DEFINITELY BEFORE
YOU GUYS WORKED TOGETHER, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE BEFORE YOU
MET, I'M NOT SURE WHEN YOU MET. BUT HERE'S TOM HIDDLESTON DOING
AN IMPERSONATION OF YOU. >> OWEN WILSON AS LOKI.
HANG ON, HANG ON, HANG ON. IS NOT THIS SIMPLER?
IS THIS NOT YOUR, YOUR, YOUR NATURAL STATE?
YOU KNOW? YOU KNOW, IT -- IT'S THE
UNSPOKEN TRUTH OF HUMANITY THAT, UH, THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU CRAVE
SUBJUGATION. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU THINK? I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE DO YOU.
SCALE OF 1 TO 10, WHAT DO YOU GIVE TOM?
>> THAT'S PRETTY STRONG. I THINK THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD.
I LIKE THE -- I ALSO FELT THE SORT OF WORD CHOICE WAS GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT LAST LINE.
>> Jimmy: HIGH PRAISE, THEN. YOUR OWEN WILSON IS THE BEST OF
ALL OF THEM, I WILL SAY THAT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: THIS IS QUITE AN
HONOR. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE HAD THIS
BEFORE. BUT YOU HAVE YOUR OWN ACTION
FIGURE NOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THE MOBIUS MARVEL LEGEND. DID YOU HAVE ANY SAY ON WHAT
THIS LOOKS -- WOULD LOOK LIKE? >> A LITTLE BIT.
I MEAN, THEY SHOWED IT TO ME. AND I HAD SOME NOTES, ACTUALLY.
THE FIRST -- THE FIRST ONE THEY GAVE ME, THEY MADE ACTUALLY A
LITTLE BIT TOO BUFF, KIND OF. WHERE I FELT IT WAS NOT QUITE
BELIEVABLE. >> Jimmy: OH.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> AND I FELT LIKE THAT THEY --
IN THE EARLY INCARNATIONS, THEY KIND OF WERE MISSING THAT
MISCHIEVOUS TWINKLE. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT THEY THEN PUT INTO THAT CHARACTER.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. >> I THINK THEY GOT ME.
>> Jimmy: I THINK THEY DID PRETTY GOOD.
I DON'T KNOW THAT THEY GOT THE TWINKLE.
[ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, I MEAN, THEY GOT YOU, THEY
GOT YOUR STICK. EVEN LIKE YOUR ARMS APPEAR TO BE
QUITE -- I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE DONE -- THE HANDS ARE
REALLY BIG TOO. NO, THEY COULD DO BETTER.
THEY COULD DO BETTER, I THINK. BUT THAT'S PRETTY COOL.
>> LOOK AT THE -- YEAH. I MEAN, OF COURSE, YOU KNOW,
WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE PART OF -- YOU GET THE CALL FROM
MARVEL, YOU'RE EXCITED TO BE A PART OF THIS MCU.
AND I WAS EXCITED TO HEAR WHAT MY SUPERPOWERS WERE GOING TO BE.
[ LAUGHTER ] THEY TOLD ME IT WAS LIKE,
WELL -- IT'S NOT SO MUCH SUPERPOWERS.
HE'S A VERY GOOD LISTENER. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
AND HIS SARCASM. I GUESS IS MOBIUS' --
>> Jimmy: YOU CAN SEE OWEN WILSON AS THE LISTENER ON NEW
EPISODES OF "LOKI" WEDNESDAY NIGHTS ON DISNEY PLUS.
THANKS, OWEN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
LOVE TALKING TO YOU. HOPE ALL IS WELL.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH BETTY GILPIN! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. BETTY GILPIN AND MUSIC FROM
SPICE, SHAGGY ARE STILL TO COME. AFTER A LONG YEAR WE ARE FINALLY
ABLE TO GATHER AGAIN. AS GUILLERMO WILL TELL YOU,
THERE'S NO BETTER WAY TO DO THAN THAN IN A HOUSE FROM VRBO.
>> Guillermo: HI, IT'S ME, GUILLERMO.
WE MISSED SO MANY FAMILY EVENTS LAST YEAR.
I BOOKED THIS GRACE HOUSE ON VRBO AND INVITED MY WHOLE
FAMILY, AND WE'RE GOING TO MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME.
FOLLOW ME! >> TRICK-OR-TREAT!
>> Guillermo: SPOOKY. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL!
YEAH! WHOO!
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
COME ON, IT'S TIME FOR -- CHRISTMAS!
HAPPY NEW YEAR! YAY!
OH! YAY!
COME ON, EVERYBODY, IT'S TIME FOR ONE MORE HOLIDAY!
THANKSGIVING IN THE POOL! >> Dicky: VRBO.
TOGETHER IS ALWAYS THE BEST PLACE TO BE ON VACATION.
>> Jimmy: MUSIC FROM SPICE, SHAGGY, AND SEAN PAUL IS ON THE
WAY. YOU KNOW OUR NEXT GUEST AS LADY
WRESTLER LIBERTY BELLE FROM THE SHOW "GLOW," NOW SHE JOINS
STAR-LORD HIMSELF, CHRIS PRATT, IN THE NEW SCI-FI ACTION MOVIE
"THE TOMORROW WAR," IT PREMIERES JULY 2ED ON AMAZON PRIME VIDEO.
PLEASE WELCOME BETTY GILPIN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪ >> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> HI. >> Jimmy: THANKS FOR COMING IN,
IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU. >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME, GOOD TO
SEE YOU. >> Jimmy: YOU ARE NOT IN MAUI,
YOU ARE HERE IN FILTHY LOS ANGELES.
>> SADLY, NO. MENTALLY I AM.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU SEE THAT CAR FIRE IN THE BACK?
>> REALLY DID, COOL ATMOSPHERE, VERY EDGY.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S NICE.
WE SOMETIMES HAND OUT MARSHMALLOWS ON A STICK TO THE
GUESTS. >> NICE, I BET THOSE ARE
CHOPSTICKS. >> Jimmy: YOU'LL GET THOSE ON
THE WAY OUT, I'M SURE. [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE MARCH 16th, 2020.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: THAT WAS THE FIRST
SHOW WE CANCELED BECAUSE OF COVID.
>> YES, YEAH, I TOOK IT PERSONALLY.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOUR MOVIE HAD COME
OUT LIKE THAT WEEKEND. WHICH MOVIE WAS THAT?
>> SO -- JUST TO BACK UP, JIMMY, MY NARRATIVE AS AN ACTOR --
[ LAUGHTER ] I BASICALLY STRUGGLED FOR --
JUST DIDN'T GET PARTS FOR LIKE A DECADE.
A LOT OF SOBBING IN TRAFFIC. [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW, WORKING A LITTLE, DOING, YOU KNOW, BLACK BOX PLAYS
ABOUT CONFUSING WAR METAPHORS THAT NO ONE SAW.
[ LAUGHTER ] KIND OF GOING HOME AND BEING,
DEAR JOURNAL, MAYBE ONE DAY I'LL STAR IN A MOVIE.
[ LAUGHTER ] THEN I DID, AND THAT MOVIE CAME
OUT ON MARCH 13th, 2020. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WOW. AND SO -- I GUESS, WHAT WAS
THAT, IN THE THEATER FOR THREE DAYS?
>> YEAH, NO BRAG, IT WAS IN THEATERS FOR THREE DAYS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: AND THEN THEY
DIDN'T -- IT DIDN'T GET TO FINISH BEING IN THEATERS WHEN
THEY CAME BACK? >> NO, BUT I THINK FAILING FOR
SO LONG FELT LIKE A SUPERPOWER. I THINK IF IT HAD HAPPENED WHEN
I WAS JUST STARTING OUT, I WOULD HAVE BEEN AIRLIFTED TO THE
SELF-PITY HOSPITAL. [ LAUGHTER ]
BUT I -- I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE THAT'S LIKE -- IT WAS IN
THEATERS FOR THREE WHOLE DAYS LONGER THAN I EVER THOUGHT!
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: DO YOU FEEL YOU'VE BEEN WHAT RIGHT SIDENED?
>> YEAH, YEAH, INSIDE I'M A WIZENED OLD 65-YEAR-OLD.
>> Jimmy: THEATER AND THINGS PEOPLE WEREN'T SEEING, THIS IS
IN NEW YORK? >> YES, DEAD BODY ON "LAW AND
ORDER," THAT KIND OF THING. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S ONE OF THE RITES OF PASSAGE AS FAR AS
ACTORS IN NEW YORK. >> YEAH, FOR SURE.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU HAVE LIKE A JOB, OR A REGULAR JOB AT THAT
TIME? WHAT WERE YOU DOING?
>> I MEAN, JOBS HERE AND THERE. I WAS -- IT WAS A LOT OF TIME TO
WANDER AROUND NEW YORK. I BELIEVE THE TERM IS "HIGH AS
BALLS." [ LAUGHTER ]
A LOT OF STONED WALKS. >> Jimmy: WALKING, I SEE.
>> YEAH, A LOT OF WALKING. AND I HAVE THIS PROBLEM WHERE I
CAN'T CONTROL MY FACE. I THINK THAT I'M GIVING THE FACE
OF WHAT I FEEL CONSTANTLY INSIDE, WHICH IS -- SORRY,
SORRY, SORRY, THANK YOU, SORRY. [ LAUGHTER ]
INSTEAD, MY FACE IS DOING, I'M GOING TO KILL YOUR PETS.
[ LAUGHTER ] SO I WAS GIVING THAT FACE ON
THESE HIGH AS BALLS WALKS. AND THERE WAS THIS GROUP OF
GIRLS I WOULD ALWAYS PASS WHO SAT ON A STOOP NEAR MY
APARTMENT. THEY WERE SITTING PRESUMABLY
ACROSS FROM THEIR SCHOOL ON THEIR LUNCH.
I WOULD ALWAYS GIVE THEM ACCIDENTAL "I'M GOING TO KILL
YOUR PETS" FACE. I COULD FEEL THEIR ANGER AND
HATRED FOR ME RISING. ONE DAY IT CAME TO A HEAD WHERE
I LOOKED UP, ONE OF THE GIRLS SAID, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
AND I SAID, I'M LOOKING AT YOU. IN A WAY I THOUGHT WAS, SISTER,
I SEE YOU. [ LAUGHTER ]
BUT IT DIDN'T COME OFF THAT WAY, APPARENTLY.
SO IT CAME OFF LIKE, I'M LOOKING AT YOU.
AND THEY AS A GROUP, THE FIVE OF THEM, ROSE LIKE THE DEAD
WHITEWALKER BODIES IN THE JON SNOW BATTLE.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND ENCIRCLED ME.
THIS IS WHERE IT GETS DARK. I GOT JUMPED.
>> Jimmy: THEY BEAT YOU? >> THEY KNOCKED ME TO THE
GROUND. >> Jimmy: OH, BOY.
>> PUNCHED ME, KICKED ME IN THE STOMACH.
I WAS SOBBING. NEW YORKERS LITERALLY STEPPING
OVER ME. [ LAUGHTER ]
THEN I DID SOMETHING THAT TONY SOPRANO WOULD NOT BE PROUD OF.
I WAS LIKE, I'M GONNA TELL ON THEM!
BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO BE STOPPED! THEY'RE DANGEROUS!
SO I MARCHED ACROSS THE STREET TO THIS SCHOOL AND WENT INSIDE.
I COULDN'T BREATHE, I WAS CRYING SO HARD.
ALL DISHEVELED. AND I SAID TO THE WOMAN AT THE
FRONT DESK -- PICTURE A MARGOT MARTINDALE TYPE.
>> Jimmy: OKAY. >> A GROUP OF YOUR STUDENTS JUST
ASSAULTED ME, THEY PUSHED ME TO THE GROUND, THEY KICKED ME, THEY
ARE DANGEROUS, THEY NEED TO BE STOPPED!
AND THIS WOMAN PUT HER HAND ON HER CHIN AND LOOKED AT ME.
AND I JUST SAW HER WHOLE LIFE GO THROUGH HER FACE.
AND SHE SAID FIVE WORDS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER.
SHE SAID, "HONEY, THIS IS A PRESCHOOL."
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SO WHEN YOU HAVE THAT KIND OF TRAUMA, A MOVIE BEING CANCELED,
IT DOESN'T REALLY REGISTER. >> Jimmy: I SEE, ALL RIGHT,
YEAH. YOU'RE TOUGH, YOU'RE NEW YORK
TOUGH. >> YEAH, YEAH.
IT DOESN'T FAZE ME. CAR ON FIRE?
I LIT THAT CAR ON FIRE, BY THE WAY.
[LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THIS MOVIE WITH CHRIS
PRATT, WHEN DID YOU SHOOT THIS MOVIE?
>> OH, GOD. BEFORE -- BEFORE EVERYTHING
CRUMBLED. 2019?
I DON'T REMEMBER, JIMMY. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU PLAY CHRIS' WIFE? >> YES.
>> Jimmy: CHRIS' CHARACTER'S WIFE.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: IT'S AN ACTION MOVIE?
>> YEAH. CHRIS PRATT PLAYS THIS SCIENCE
TEACHER WHO GETS DRAFTED TO TIME TRAVEL TO THE FUTURE TO FIGHT
ALIENS. I PLAY HIS THERAPIST WIFE.
THE MOVIE FOLLOWS THE THERAPIST WIFE -- NO, THE MOVIE FOLLOWS
CHRIS AS HE GOES TO THE FUTURE. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] BUT YOU'RE ALWAYS KIND OF
WONDERING, WHAT DOES EMMY THINK ABOUT THIS?
YOU NEVER FIND OUT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PLAY ANN COULTER.
>> YES. >> Jimmy: THAT --
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU
WOULD CALL -- THE WITCH? THE WITCH FROM CABLE TELEVISION,
I GUESS. >> YEAH, YEAH, ANN COULTER.
>> Jimmy: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PLAY HER IN THIS BIG MOVIE?
>> YEAH, THIS IS ANOTHER COVID DISAPPOINTMENT.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO PLAY ANN COULTER IN "AMERICAN CRIME
STORY." THE MONICA LEWINSKY STORY.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT. >> AND BECAUSE OF COVID, THE
SCHEDULE DIDN'T WORK OUT. AND SO IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE
THINGS. BUT THE BIG DISAPPOINTMENT WAS
THAT I HAD SPENT A YEAR LISTENING TO ANN COULTER
AUDIOBOOKS. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, BOY. >> IN THE CAR.
TO GET HER VOICE DOWN. >> Jimmy: UH-HUH.
>> AND YEAH, IT CAME AS A SHOCK THAT IN THE APOCALYPSE, BEING AN
ACTOR IS NOT AN ESSENTIAL WORKER.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SKILLS
THAT ARE USABLE AT ALL. SO IT'S JUST KIND OF SHUFFLING
AROUND IN STAINED PAJAMAS. >> Jimmy: DO YOU STILL DO ANN
COULTER? >> I DO, AND IT DOESN'T -- IT'S
IN A VACUUM. >> Jimmy: I WOULD LOVE --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WE COULD USE A GOOD VACUUMING.
>> OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. WLL.
DOES SHE HAVE A LOT OF -- I WOULD SAY DEVISE SGLIF DO YOU
NEED TO US SET THE STAGE, MAYBE SOME LIGHTING, A BROOM OR
SOMETHING, SOME HORNS? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THAT WOULD BE GREAT, YEAH. AIRLIFTED, IN STYLE, YEAH.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT. MILK, MILK, LEMONADE.
AROUND THE CORNER FUDGE IS MADE. STICK YOUR FINGER UP THE HOLE.
NOW YOU HAVE A TOOTSIE ROLL. STICK YOUR FINGER TWICE AS
FAR -- ANN'S STILL TALKING -- NOW YOU HAVE A HERSHEY BAR.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WOW. VERY GOOD.
BY THE WAY, NOT THAT FAR FROM OWEN WILSON, REALLY, EITHER.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH, YEAH.
WE'RE ALL CHEEKBONY PILGRIM PEOPLE, WE'RE ALL THE SAME.
>> Jimmy: "THE TOMORROW WAR" PREMIERES JULY 2nd ON AMAZON
PRIME VIDEO. BETTY GILPIN, THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME BACK. >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING. >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING. >> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK
OWEN WILSON AND BETTY GILPIN. APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON.
TOMORROW NIGHT, ZOOEY DESCHANEL AND SAM RICHARDSON, WITH MUSIC
FROM KODAK BLACK. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT, BUT FIRST,
WE TRAVEL TO PORT ROYAL, JAMAICA.
HER ALBUM "TEN" COMES OUT JULY 30th.
WITH AN ASSIST FROM SHAGGY AND SEAN PAUL, ON THE SONG "GO DOWN
DEH," SPICE! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪ ♪
♪ DEM WAAN TO WINE DEM WAIST TELL DEM FORWARD INNA HASTE
BUDDA BONG BONG ♪ EARLY MORNING LOVE
SHE GET IT GOOD FROM SHE RISE ♪
♪ MI PUT IT ON SUH GOOD AND MEK SHE SHAKE
ALL SHE THIGHS ♪ ♪ SMILE PON HER FACE
MI KNOW SHE PLEASE WITH THE SIZE ♪
♪ CAH ME NUH RAMP FI MEK DEM GYAL YA
ROLL ALL DEM EYES ♪ ♪ MMMM GO DOWN DEH
WINE AND GO DOWN DEH MMMM GO DOWN DEH
WINE AND GO DOWN DEH ♪ ♪ WINE PON YUH GOOD
MEK SWEAT A DRIP OFF A MI BODY YEH ♪
♪ HOW YUH FULL A CHAT AN YUH CYA KEEP UP
WID MI ENERGY ♪ ♪ WHAT AN EPIC NIGHT
HAVE IT EMBEDDED INA YUH MEMORY ♪
♪ LETHAL BUBBLE HAFFI TREAT IT LIKE A FELONY ♪
♪ WHAT YOU GONNA DO WHEN THERE IS NOBODY
THAT DO YOU BETTER THAN THIS REGGAE GUY ♪
♪ I CAN DO THIS EVERY MORNING EVERY EVENING
HAVE YOU SCREAMING STRAIGHT BACK TO SUNRISE ♪
♪ MMMM GO DOWN DEH WINE AND GO DOWN DEH
MMMM GO DOWN DEH WINE AND GO DOWN DEH ♪
♪ MMMM GO DOWN DEH WINE AND GO DOWN DEH
MMMM GO DOWN DEH MMMM ♪
♪ GAL NUH BADDA FIGHT IT JUST GET INNA DI POSITION
AND BUSS ONE ♪ ♪ NEVA YOU FORGET
THIS IS YAH MISSION TO TEK A GAL MAN ♪
♪ YUH HAFFI INNA CONDITION AND BUSS ONE
TEK A SIP AND LOSE YOU INHIBITION ♪
♪ CAH WHEN YUH START MY IGNITION
SEE YOU SWINGING AND DIS AH MY AMBITION ♪
♪ FI GIVE YUH DI LEGIT LOVE TO MEK YUH TURN AND TWIST ON
MI GIVE YUH DI STEAM MEK YUH BALANCE AND GRIP ON ♪
♪ MMMM GO DOWN DEH WINE AND GO DOWN DEH
MMMM GO DOWN DEH WINE AND GO DOWN DEH ♪
♪ MMMM GO DOWN DEH WINE AND GO DOWN DEH
MMMM GO DOWN DEH MMMM ♪
♪ MY TIME FI WINE MEK DEM KNOW SHE
DAT NOBODY CYAAN STOP MI SHINE ♪
♪ CARIBBEAN GYAL DEM EVER CLEAN AND REFINED
GYAL JUS MEK DEM KNOW THAT YOU ARE ONE A KIND ♪
♪ MMMMM GAL DEM A DO IT LIKE
MMMMMM A BUBBLE THROUGH DI NIGHT ♪
♪ MMMMMMM A SO ME DO IT RIGHT
ONE TING MI TELL WOMAN DEM GET MI HYPE ♪
♪ MMMM GO DOWN DEH WINE AND GO DOWN DEH
MMMM GO DOWN DEH WINE AND GO DOWN DEH ♪
♪ MMMM GO DOWN DEH WINE AND GO DOWN DEH
MMMM GO DOWN DEH MMMM ♪
♪ GAL GO DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN
DOWN DOWN DOWN ♪ ♪ MOVE DAT AH MOVE
DAT AH MOVE DAT AH MOVE DATAH ♪
♪ GAL GO DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN
DOWN DOWN DOWN ♪ ♪ MOVE DAT AH MOVE
DAT AH MOVE DAT AH MOVE DATAH ♪
♪ GAL GO DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN
DOWN DOWN DOWN ♪ ♪ MOVE DAT AH MOVE
DAT AH MOVE DAT AH MOVE DATAH ♪
♪ I'LL MEET YOU UNDER THE MAN