>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!"
TONIGHT, RACHEL WEISZ, ROB RIGGLE AND MUSIC FROM
WILLIE JONES. AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
>> Jimmy: OH, WELL THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HI, I'M JIMMY.
I AM THE HOST OF THE SHOW. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING AT HOME.
THANKS FOR JOINING US HERE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,
WHERE I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE HEARD THIS WE'RE RUNNING VERY
LOW ON CAIRNS, OR AT LEAST BABY CAIRNS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OR AT LEAST BABY KARENS. OVER THE PAST YEAR, PRESUMABLY
BECAUSE OF ALL THE NEGATIVE ASSOCIATION WITH THAT NAME, THE
NAME KAREN HAS PLUMMETED IN POPULARITY.
IT DROPPED ALL THE WAY DOWN TO NUMBER 831 ON THE LIST OF MOST
COMMON GIRL BABY NAMES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
A SIMILAR THING HAPPENED TO KATRINA AFTER HURRICANE KATRINA,
AND ALSO THE NAME DAMON AFTER THE MOVIE "WE BOUGHT A ZOO."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
EVEN WITHOUT THE KAREN THING, KAREN IS A WEIRD NAME FOR A BABY.
YOU'RE LIKE, OH, KAREN, KAREN. IF I WAS A BABY AND MY PARENTS
NAMED ME KAREN, I WOULD MOST DEFINITELY ASK TO SPEAK TO THE
MANAGER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
LAST YEAR, THIS IS TRUE, THERE WERE ONLY 325 BABIES NAMED KAREN
IN THE UNITED STATES LAST YEAR. IN 1965, THERE WERE 33,000 OF
THEM. AND NOW THEY'RE ALL GROWN UP AND
FACE.ING WALMART GREETERS IN TH‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW WHAT NAME IS ALSO WAY DOWN ON THE LIST? DONALD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE NAME DONALD IS AT ITS LOWEST POINT, NAME AND OTHERWISE, SINCE
THE YEAR 1900.
[ APPLAUSE ]
NO ONE KNOWS WHY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND YOU KNOW WHAT NAME IS EVEN LESS POPULAR THAN DONALD?
OR KAREN? GUILLERMO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Guillermo: OH, WOW!
>> Jimmy: NO, NOT GOOD. LESS POPULAR.
>> Guillermo: OH, OH.
>> Jimmy: THERE WERE FEWER GUILLERMOS IN 2020 THAN AT ANY
POINT OVER THE PAST 79 YEARS. WHAT DID YOU DO?
>> Guillermo: I DON'T KNOW, JIMMY, I DON'T KNOW.
>> Jimmy: NOT ONLY IS THERE A GUILLERMO SHORTAGE, YOU KNOW
WHAT ELSE IS IN SHORT SUPPLY? PORT‐A‐POTTYS.
AS THE WORLD IS OPENING BACK UP AND HUMANS ARE GETTING READY FOR
CONCERTS AND FESTIVALS AND SEX ORGIES OR WHATEVER, THERE'S
A SURGE IN DEMAND THAT THE PORTA JOHN PEOPLE CANNOT KEEP UP WITH.
THEY'RE WORRIED THERE MIGHT NOT BE ENOUGH TOILETS THIS YEAR.
WHICH MAKES NO SENSE. WE USED TO HAVE ENOUGH.
WHY WOULD THERE BE A NEED FOR MORE?
WE WERE ONLY GONE FOR A YEAR. IT'S NOT LIKE WE'VE BEEN HOLDING
IT IN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND WHILE IT WOULD BE EASY TO BLAME TRUMP FOR THIS, HE
ACTUALLY MAY HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.
THE SECRET SERVICE IS EXPECTED TO SHELL OUT MORE THAN $34,000
ON PORTABLE TOILETS TO USE WHILE THEY STAND GUARD FOR TRUMP,
WHILE HE SPENDS THE SUMMER IN BEDMINSTER, NEW JERSEY. $34,000.
AND YOU KNOW WHO FOOTS THE BILL FOR THAT? TAXPAYERS.
IF YOU MAKE $130,000 A YEAR, THAT MEANS YOU PAY RIGHT AROUND
$34,000 IN FEDERAL TAX. $130,000. IT'S THE AVERAGE SALARY OF A
DENTIST IN UTAH. THAT MEANS THIS GUY,
DR. GARON LARSON, OF ELEVATED FAMILY DENTISTRY, ALL THE MONEY
HE PAID ALL YEAR LAST YEAR GOES FOR THE SECRET SERVICE TO POOP
AT DONALD TRUMP'S GOLF COURSE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SORRY, DR. GARON. DONALD TRUMP MADE AN INTERESTING
MOVE TODAY. HE QUIT HIS OWN BLOG.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE BLOG PAGE "FROM THE DESK OF DONALD J. TRUMP" ON HIS OWN
WEBSITE HAS BEEN PERMANENTLY SHUT DOWN.
I KNOW, IT'S A REAL PUNCH IN THE GUT FOR ME TOO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
TRUMP WAS VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS BLOG FOR THE FIRST MONTH,
AFTER HE WAS BANNED ON TWITTER. NOW HE'S JUST ABANDONING IT,
IT'S A MOVE HE CALLS "THE ERIC."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
ACCORDING TO ONE OF TRUMP'S ADVISORS, THE REASON HE SHUT THE
BLOG DOWN, WAS BECAUSE PEOPLE IN THE MEDIA WERE MOCKING HOW FEW
PEOPLE WERE VISITING THE SITE. TRAFFIC TO HIS WEBSITE DROPPED
99 PERCENT FROM LAST YEAR. SO FROM NOW ON, HE'S JUST GOING
TO WRITE BITCHY LITTLE NOTES ON THE DRY ERASE BOARD AT THE
MAR‐A‐LAGO OMELET STATION, WHERE MORE PEOPLE WILL SEE THEM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AMAZON YESTERDAY ANNOUNCED THEIR SUPPORT FOR A FEDERAL BILL
THAT WOULD DECRIMINALIZE CANNABIS. WHICH WAS A SURPRISE.
THEY HAVE ALSO PLEDGED TO STOP SCREENING WORKERS FOR THC.
WHICH SUCKS FOR THOSE WORKERS, BECAUSE THE URINE TEST WAS THE
ONLY BATHROOM BREAK THEY GOT AT AMAZON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WONDER IF THEY'LL ALSO TAKE A DIFFERENT APPROACH TO WHAT THEY
SELL? RIGHT NOW, IF YOU TRY TO BUY A
PIPE ON AMAZON TO SMOKE OUT OF, YOU HAVE TO SEARCH "CREATIVE
USEFUL SMALL GADGETS."
[ LAUGHTER ]
OR "PORTABLE SMALL TOOLS." WHICH MAKES NO SENSE, BECAUSE
LIKE 40% OF THE STUFF PEOPLE BUY ON AMAZON IS BECAUSE THEY'RE
HIGH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
LIKE THIS NICOLAS CAGE PILLOWCASE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
OR THIS IN‐CAR FRENCH FRY HOLDER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OR THESE RANCH DRESSING, BACON, AND PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY
FLAVORED SODAS. ARE WE TO BELIEVE THESE ARE
BEING SOLD TO PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T FALLEN ASLEEP WAITING IN
THE DRIVE‐THRU LINE AT IN AND OUT?
MAYBE I SHOULD ASK ALEXA ABOUT THIS. ALEXA!
OH, ALEXA IS AN UNPOPULAR NAME, JUST LIKE YOURS.
>> Guillermo: OH, THAT'S GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, HEY, ALEXA, I SEE YOU'RE ENJOYING AMAZON'S NEW
RELAXED POLICY ON CANNABIS.
>> YEAH, BRO, I'M CHILL. JUST VIBING.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR A JAM BAND?
>> Jimmy: NO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NOT REALLY. I JUST ‐‐ I WANTED TO ASK ‐‐
>> ME, PLAY A JAM BAND.
♪
>> Jimmy: ALEXA, TURN MUSIC OFF! TURN OFF.
>> WOW, OKAY, DICK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHIME ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
>> OH, IT'S A REMINDER. I'M SUPPOSED TO REMIND YOU ABOUT
SOMETHING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO REMIND ME ABOUT?
>> I FORGET.
>> Jimmy: YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THE REMINDER?
>> THAT'S WHY I SET THE REMINDER.
WHY ARE YOU BEING A DICK?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I'M NOT BEING A ‐‐
>> I HAVE A QUESTION. ARE YOU A TEEPEE OR A WIGWAM?
>> Jimmy: AM I A TEEPEE OR A WIGWAM?
>> YES, BECAUSE YOU'RE TWO TENTS! GET IT! TWO TENTS! DICK.
HIGH FIVE, GUILLERMO.
>> Jimmy: DON'T HIGH FIVE HER FOR THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR A JAM BAND?
♪
>> Jimmy: NO, I WOULD STILL NOT LIKE ‐‐ OKAY, THANK YOU.
[ APPLAUSE ]
PORTABLE, SMALL, USEFUL GADGET.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HEY, SPEAKING OF CRAZY THINGS TO BUY, AN ITALIAN ARTIST JUST SOLD
A SCULPTURE FOR $18,300. WHICH WOULD NOT BE INTERESTING,
WERE IT NOT FOR THE FACT THAT THE SCULPTURE IS INVISIBLE.
THERE IT ISN'T.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE SCULPTURE IS CALLED, "I AM," AS IN "I AM AN IDIOT FOR PAYING
$18,000 FOR AN INVISIBLE SCULPTURE."
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHY WOULD YOU PAY MONEY FOR AR INVISIBLE ‐‐ THIS IS NOT EVEN
AN NFT, IT'S JUST ‐‐ AN "N," I GUESS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T KNOW, IT'S A BLANK‐SY. AND SOMEONE PAID ALMOST 20 GRAND
FOR THIS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHOEVER BOUGHT THAT SHOULD BE ROBBED, RIGHT?
WE SHOULD JUST GO TO HIS HOUSE AND TAKE EVERYTHING.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T WANT MONEY. IN OTHER IMBECILE NEWS, A
CANDIDATE FOR THE SENATE IN OHIO BOLDLY DECLARED HIS INDEPENDENCE
FROM PPE BY BURNING A MASK IN A VIDEO CAPTIONED WITH THE WORD
"FREEDOM." AND HE DROPPED IT TO THE GROUND
AND JUST WALK OFF. THEY'LL CATCH HIM, ARSONISTS
ALWAYS RETURN TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME TO MASTURBATE, WE KNOW
THAT.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
WE ARE LEARNING MORE ABOUT THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION'S
RESPONSE TO THE PANDEMIC, FROM, OF ALL PLACES, DR. FAUCI'S INBOX.
MORE THAN 866 PAGES OF DR. FAUCI'S EMAILS WERE
RELEASED TO THE PUBLIC AS A RESULT OF REQUESTS THROUGH THE
FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT, WHICH MUST HAVE BEEN A HELL OF A
SURPRISE TO HIM. WHAT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
INCLUDING THIS FROM AN OFFICIAL WITH THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH
AND HUMAN SERVICES. THIS IS A REAL EMAIL.
THIS PERSON SUGGESTED THAT MAYBE WE USE CONES, THE KIND THAT YOU
PUT AROUND A DOG'S NECK, INSTEAD OF MASKS.
"HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THE SHORTAGE OF MEDICAL SUPPLIES,
DOGGIE CONES ACTUALLY CAN BE USED AS PROTECTION FOR OUR
HEALTH CARE WORKERS. JUST A THOUGHT THAT LOOKS AND
SOUNDS CRAZY BUT CAN HELP. STAY SAFE. KINDEST REGARDS.
KAREN BECKS." THIS IS WHY THERE ARE NO MORE
KARENS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM THEM. DOGGIE CONES?
A DOGGIE CONE DOESN'T STOP YOU FROM SPREADING DROPLETS.
ALL IT DOES IS STOP YOU FROM LICKING YOUR PRIVATE PARTS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OR SO I'M TOLD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IF YOU THOUGHT SEEING EVERYONE IN MASKS ALL THE TIME WAS WEIRD,
JUST IMAGINE IF WE WERE ALL WEARING DOGGIE CONES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT WOULD BE LIKE A BIG, SAD, SARAH McLACHLAN COMMERCIAL.
YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT I GOT A LOT OF RIDICULOUS EMAILS.
I WAS GOING THROUGH THESE DR. FAUCI EMAILS.
ONE GUY PESTERS HIM TO MAKE A VIDEO FOR HIS SON,
CONGRATULATING HIS SON ON HIS WEBBY AWARD.
THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF CRAZY IDEAS FOR CURES.
ONE GUY ASKING HIM IF HE'D CONSIDERED HYDROGEN PEROXIDE TO
STOP THE VIRUS. AS IF THAT HADN'T BEEN THOUGHT
OF. A WOMAN ASKING IF SHE CAN GET COVID FROM JEWELRY SHE ORDERED
FROM CHINA. THIS POOR DR. FAUCI. THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT
HAPPENED WAS BRAD PITT PLAYED HIM ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
[ LAUGHTER ]
REALLY, OTHER THAN THAT. YOU KNOW, WE HAVE ‐‐ GUILLERMO
AND I WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS JUST THIS AFTERNOON.
WE'VE COME A LONG WAY SINCE THE DAYS WHEN WE WERE WIPING DOWN
OUR PIZZAS WITH CLOROX BEFORE WE LET THEM IN THE HOUSE.
AND WITH THAT SAID, IT'S TIME, ONCE AGAIN, TO TAKE A LOOK BACK
AT THE GHOSTS OF PANDEMIC PAST, AS WE REVISIT THE HEADLINES FROM
EXACTLY ONE YEAR AGO IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF "THIS WEEK
IN COVID HISTORY."
>> THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY, IT'S JUNE 2020 AND AMERICA
DECLARES VICTORY.
>> CONGRATULATIONS, AMERICA. THE COMEBACK BEGINS.
>> YOU HEARD IT FROM THE Q‐TIP. EVEN SIN CITY IS LIGHTING BACK
UP. VEGAS, BABY.
AND IT WAS ALL THANKS TO DONNIE "BUILD THE WAHLBERGS"
UNPRECEDENTED COVID CONTRIBUTIONS.
LIKE MAKING SURE EVERYONE STAYED SAFE INSIDE THEIR HOMES.
>> GET IN YOUR HOME NOW, LET'S GO!
>> PROTECTING THE WHITE HOUSE WITH CORONA‐PROOF BARRICADES.
AND SHOWING US IT'S SAFE TO ONCE AGAIN WORSHIP. HIM.
>> IN THAT MOMENT, HOLDING THE BIBLE UP IS A VERY IMPORTANT
SYMBOL. LIKE CHURCHILL, WE SAW HIM
INSPECTING THE BOMBING DAMAGE, IT SENT A POWERFUL MESSAGE OF
LEADERSHIP.
>> YES, AND ALL WINSTON CHURCHILL'S FRIED CHICKEN HAD TO
DO WAS WISH AWAY SOME RABBLE‐ROUSERS.
[ EXPLOSIONS ]
SOME ARGUED THE PROTESTERS WERE PEACEFUL.
TEAR GAS WAS USED AND IT WAS A PHOTO OP.
>> THE PROTESTERS WERE PEACEFUL, NO TEAR GAS WAS USED, IT WAS A
PHOTO OP.
>> THAT SETTLES THAT BUT ONE DEMANDS ANSWERS.
>> WHY DIDN'T YOU GO TO ST. JOHN'S YESTERDAY, WHAT WAS THE
MESSAGE YOU WANTED TO SEND?
>> RELIGIOUS LEADERS LOVED IT.
>> TRUE, JUST ASK ANY RELIGIOUS LEADER.
>> THE BIBLE IS NOT A PROP.
>> IT MAKES A MOCKERY OF CHRISTIANITY.
>> AN ACT THAT MOCKED GOD.
>> YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT, MR. PRESIDENT, IT ISN'T COOL.
>> AND NOBODY KNOWS COOL LIKE KID TURTLENECK.
THIS JUST IN, A FOX NEWS POLL SHOWS BIDEN IS UP 14 POINTS.
>> I KNOW ALL OF YOU ARE FREAKING ABOUT THE POLLS.
THE EXPERTS SAY THAT BIDEN'S WAY AHEAD.
IT'S HIS ELECTION TO LOSE. THE SO‐CALLED EXPERTS ARE JUST
HORRIBLY WRONG.
>> YES, TAKE FROM IT HER. SHE'S HORRIBLE AND WRONG.
THIS HAS BEEN "THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
ROB RIGGLE IS HERE. WE HAVE MUSIC FROM WILLIE JONES.
AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH RACHEL WEISZ. SO STICK AROUND!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: HI, YOU GUYS, WELCOME BACK.
TONIGHT, FROM THE SHOW "HOLEY MOLY," WHICH AIRS HERE ON ABC,
ROB RIGGLE IS HERE. THEN LATER, ALL THE WAY FROM
SHREVEPORT, LOUISIANA, HIS SONG IS CALLED "DOWN BY THE
RIVERSIDE," MUSIC FROM WILLIE JONES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
TOMORROW NIGHT ‐‐ WHO'S GOING TO BE HERE TOMORROW?
OH, MICHAEL CHE AND CILLIAN MURPHY WILL BE WITH US TOMORROW
WITH MUSIC FROM THE LINDA LINDAS. AND FRIDAY, DJ KHALED,
FLORENCE PUGH, AND MUSIC FROM FOUSHEE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT. LOOKING AT THE LIST OF NAMES,
THE BABY NAMES YOU DIDN'T DO WELL ON?
>> Guillermo: YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW, THERE WERE NO SHIRLEYS, NO BABIES NAMED
SHIRLEY, ZERO BABIES NAMED SHIRLEY BORN THIS LAST YEAR.
>> Guillermo: WOW, THAT'S CRAZY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Guillermo: I DON'T KNOW.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS WHY THERE ARE NO BABIES NAMED GUILLERMO
ANYMORE.
>> Guillermo: I'M THE ONLY ONE.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN
OSCAR WINNER WHO'S ABOUT TO LEAP INTO THE MARVEL CINEMATIC
UNIVERSE. SHE PLAYS MELINA VOSTOKOFF IN
"BLACK WIDOW." IT OPENS IN THEATERS AND DISNEY
PLUS PREMIERE ACCESS JULY 9th. PLEASE WELCOME RACHEL WEISS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HI, RACHEL, HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M VERY WELL. WE HAVE TO SAY MELINA'S SECOND
NAME, THOUGH.
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT?
>> I THINK WE'RE PROHIBITED FROM SAYING MELINA'S SECOND NAME,
IT'S A MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SECRET.
>> Jimmy: IS IT A SECRET I JUST RUINED?
>> I BELIEVE SO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, BOY.
>> BUT ‐‐ OH, WELL. IT'S ALREADY OUT.
>> Jimmy: I'M SUPPOSED TO PLAY CRAVEN THE HUNTER IN A MARVEL
MOVIE COMING UP.
[ APPLAUSE ]
I HOPE THIS DOESN'T AFFECT THAT, I REALLY DON'T ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> DAVID HARBOUR WAS TRYING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT LAST NIGHT,
YOU WERE QUITE SHY ABOUT IT.
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT, YEAH. I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING.
BUT I DIDN'T GET ANY BLOWBACK FROM THAT LAST NIGHT, SO I
FIGURED IT WOULD BE OKAY TO SAY. PLUS I THINK SOME PEOPLE ALREADY
KNOW. BUT IF YOU DON'T KNOW, I'M PLAYING CRAVEN THE HUNTER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
IN A FEW MOVIES FOR MARVEL, AND I'M PRETTY PSYCHED ABOUT IT.
WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW, RACHEL?
>> I AM IN MY BASEMENT.
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> NOT THE SUBBASEMENT, BUT THE BASEMENT WHERE I LIVE IN
BROOKLYN, NEW YORK.
>> Jimmy: WE DON'T REALLY HAVE BASEMENTS OUT HERE DID YOU KNOW
THAT?
>> IN LOS ANGELES?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH. THERE ARE VERY FEW BASEMENTS.
IN BROOKLYN, EVERYBODY HAS A BASEMENT.
AND, LIKE YOU KNOW, I GREW UP IN BROOKLYN. WE HAD A BASEMENT.
AND IT WAS DISGUSTING. I'M SURE YOURS IS PROBABLY MUCH,
MUCH NICER THAN OUR BASEMENT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> IT WAS RECENTLY PAINTED. AND IT'S BEEN ‐‐ IT'S NOT DIRTY,
IT'S NOT COBWEBBY. YEAH, IT'S A PRETTY GOOD
BASEMENT.
>> Jimmy: AND YOU GET WI‐FI DOWN THERE? WHICH IS REALLY ALL THAT
MATTERS.
>> YEAH, IT'S A LITTLE DODGY, I HAD TO TAKE OUT MY EARPIECE.
I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE LOGGED ON TO SOMEBODY ELSE'S WI‐FI NEXT
DOOR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S THE NICE THING ABOUT BROOKLYN, YOU'RE SO CLOSE
TOGETHER, YOU CAN SHARE WI‐FI WITH SIX FAMILIES WHO ARE
PROBABLY DOING THEIR OWN MOVIE PROMOTION RIGHT NOW FOR THEIR
OWN MOVIES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
DO YOU LIKE DOING ‐‐ BEING ABLE TO DO THIS THIS WAY?
BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU'D HAVE TO BE FLYING ALL OVER THE WORLD,
RIGHT?
>> YEAH, THIS IS ACTUALLY MY FIRST TIME DOING THIS.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> I MEAN, LIKE A ‐‐ LIKE WE'RE DOING NOW. SO SO FAR, SO GOOD.
I'M REALLY LIKING IT. I IN GENERAL ZOOM DURING THE
PANDEMIC.
>> Jimmy: YEAH?
>> I REALLY ENJOY DOING MEETINGS ON ZOOM.
OBVIOUSLY I WISH THE PANDEMIC HADN'T HAPPENED AND THAT WE
DIDN'T HAVE TO BE DOING ZOOM ALL THE TIME.
BUT I THINK THERE'S AN UPSIDE. I THINK YOU FEEL THE OTHER
PERSON THERE, THAT YOU CAN BE IN 10 DIFFERENT TIME ZONES, PEOPLE
IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES ALL MEET TOGETHER.
I REALLY ENJOY ZOOM, I LIKE IT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WELL, I MEAN, YOU'VE JUST DONE A BEAUTIFUL
LITTLE COMMERCIAL FOR THEM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. ALSO, YOU HAVE A BABY AT HOME,
RIGHT? YOU'VE GOT LIKE A TODDLER AT
HOME. SO THAT MUST BE ‐‐ IT'S ALMOST
LIKE YOU'VE GOT A REALLY LONG MATERNITY LEAVE OR SOMETHING,
RIGHT?
>> YEAH, YEAH, SHE'S NEARLY 3. YEAH, I THINK SHE DOESN'T
REALIZE THAT ‐‐ I MEAN, I HAVEN'T REALLY GONE ANYWHERE FOR
A VERY LONG TIME. SO IT'S GOING TO BE A LITTLE
SHOCKING WHEN I FINALLY LEAVE THE HOUSE.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE THE HOUSE?
IS THAT PART OF THE PLAN?
>> YES. AUGUST. LEAVING. I'M GOING OUT.
JUST GOING TO GET OUT THERE, SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> I I KNOW WITH OUR KIDS WHEN WE CAME BACK TO THE STUDIO,
THEY'RE LIKE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE'RE LIKE, WE'RE GOING TO WORK. THEY'RE SO YOUNG, THEY DON'T
EVEN REMEMBER THAT WE USED TO GO TO WORK.
THEN THEY WERE JUST MAD THAT WE WERE GOING TO WORK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HOW OLD ARE YOURS?
>> Jimmy: WE DON'T KNOW, THEY'RE RESCUES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
WE HAVE A 4‐YEAR‐OLD BOY AND AN ALMOST 7‐YEAR‐OLD GIRL.
I SAY ALMOST 7 BECAUSE SHE WOULD SAY SHE'S ALMOST 7, YOU CAN'T
SAY SHE'S 6, SHE'S VERY FOCUSE ON THAT.
BUT LISTEN, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT YOU, SO I'M SORRY I'M
TALKING ABOUT MYSELF. OH, BY THE WAY, YOUR HUSBAND,
WHO HAS BEEN HERE A FEW TIMES, IS A LOVELY MAN, HIS MOVIE,
CORRECT ME IF I HAVE ANY OF THIS WRONG, HIS MOVIE, THE BOND M
MOVIE, THE NEW ONE, WAS SUPPOSED TO COME OUT LAST APRIL.
"BLACK WIDOW," YOUR MOVIE, WAS SUPPOSED TO COME OUT THE NEXT
MONTH IN MAY. NOW YOU ARE OUT IN FRONT OF HIM
AND HE'S TRAILING YOU BY MONTHS I THINK, RIGHT?
>> YES, YES. THE BOND WILL COME OUT LATER IN
THE YEAR, YES.
>> Jimmy: WAS THERE ANY CONCERN ‐‐ YOU MIGHT GET
RELEASED ON THE SAME WEEKEND?
>> WELL, I THINK PROBABLY NO ONE WOULD HAVE WANTED THAT TO
HAPPEN.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> AND THINGS HAVE BEEN MOVED A FEW TIMES NOW.
I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER ALL THE DIFFERENT TIMES IT'S BEEN MOVED
FROM. BUT THERE WAS A KIND OF ‐‐ LIKE
A ‐‐ WELL, IT FELT LIKE A VERY SECRET KIND OF SUMMIT MEETING
WITH SCARLET, FLORENCE, DAVE, AND KATE, THE DIRECTOR, AND
FEIGE, WHAT A GREAT MAN, WHO LED THE MEETING.
WE DID IT NOT ON ZOOM, WE DID IT ON ANOTHER, MORE SECRET ‐‐ I'M
NOT GOING TO DO A COMMERCIAL FOR ANOTHER ONE ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE HAD THE SECRET MEETING, AND I WAS IN THE KITCHEN, THEY WERE
STRATEGIZING ABOUT WHEN THE "BLACK WIDOW" WAS GOING TO COME
OUT. KEVIN WAS TALKING ABOUT, WELL,
YOU KNOW, THE OTHER MOVIE COMING OUT IS THE BOND MOVIE.
THEY WERE DISCUSSING IT. I HAVEN'T ASKED KEVIN, MAYBE HE
DOESN'T KNOW THAT I'M MARRIED TO DANIEL?
[ LAUGHTER ]
AT THAT MOMENT, BOND, THIS, THAT, AND THE OTHER.
DANIEL IS WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS TO THE KITCHEN.
I WANTED TO TURN THE SCREEN AROUND AND GO, "HE'S RIGHT HERE,
YOU CAN ASK HIM."
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DIDN'T, I FELT KIND OF SHY. I INTRODUCED MY CAT INSTEAD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S THE THING ABOUT JAMES BOND, YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN
HE'S COMING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE'LL SUDDENLY SNEAK RIGHT UP ON YOU. SO YOU BOTH SHOT IN LONDON,
RIGHT? THEY SHOOT ALL THE BOND MOVIES
IN LONDON. I KNOW YOU SHOT THIS ‐‐ DID YOU
SHOOT AT THE SAME TIME IN LONDON?
>> YES. SAME PLACE, SAME TIME.
SUMNER LONDON. YES. PINEWOOD STUDIOS.
WE WERE BOTH THERE AT THE SAME TIME.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S NICE, YEAH. DO YOU DRIVE TO WORK TOGETHER IN
THE ASTON MARTIN IN THE JAMES BOND CAR?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO, WE DO NOT, NO. HE RUNS A LITTLE EARLY, I RUN A
LITTLE LATE. SO IT WOULD BE VERY BAD FOR OUR
MARRIAGE IF WE TRIED, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU SHOOT "THE BLACK WIDOW" IN OTHER LOCATIONS?
WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT
GOES ON IN IT, OTHER THAN A COUPLE OF CLIPS I'VE SEEN IN THE
TRAILER.
>> THEY WENT TO HUNGARY, BUDAPEST, AND ‐‐ I THINK THEY
WENT TO A FEW DIFFERENT PLACES. I WAS JUST ‐‐ I WAS JUST LONDON,
PINEWOOD, AND SOME PLACES IN THE COUNTRYSIDE THAT WERE MEANT TO
BE ‐‐ WELL ‐‐
>> Jimmy: I SEE.
>> RUSSIA.
>> Jimmy: WERE YOU HAPPY THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO OR DID YOU
FEEL LEFT OUT OF THE GROUP?
>> NO, I WAS FINE, IT WAS GREAT. I GOT TO BE ‐‐ THAT'S WHERE I'M
FROM, LONDON, SO I WAS IN MY HOMETOWN, I COULD SEE MY BUDDIES
I GREW UP WITH. I HAD A GREAT SUMMER.
IT WAS AN INCREDIBLE SHOOT, I REALLY ENJOYED IT.
IT WAS GOOD TO BE BACK IN OLD BLIGHTY.
>> Jimmy: WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE GOING TO SEE A CLIP FROM
"BLACK WIDOW," THE HIGHLY ANTICIPATED NEW MARVEL MOVIE.
RACHEL WEISZ IS WITH US. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT TO YOU
BY ADT. AMERICA'S MOST TRUSTED SMARTHOME
SECURITY BRAND.
>>> FAMILY. BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.
>> YES, THE FAMILY CONSTRUCT WAS JUST A CALCULATED RUSE THAT ONLY
LASTED THREE YEARS. I DON'T THINK THAT WE CAN USE
THIS TERM ANYMORE, CAN WE?
>> OH, GREAT. SO HERE'S WHAT'S GOING TO
HAPPEN ‐‐
>> OKAY, A REUNION, THEN. AND I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING
RIGHT OFF THE BAT. YOU HAVEN'T AGED A DAY.
YOU ARE JUST AS BEAUTIFUL AND AS SUPPLE AS THE DAY THEY SAMED OUR
MARRIAGE.
>> YOU'RE GOOD FAT. BUT STILL GOOD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THAT IS RACHEL WEISZ, DAVID HARBOUR, AND THE WHOLE
FAMILY IN "BLACK WIDOW." WHICH, YOU KNOW, ONE THING IT
DOES SEEM THAT YOU AND DAVID HARBOUR'S CHARACTER SEEM TO HAVE
A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP, I GUESS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IS THAT SOMETHING YOU CAN SAY?
>> ABSOLUTELY, I CAN ABSOLUTELY SAY THAT, YEAH.
WE ARE VERY, VERY ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER, WE HAVEN'T SEEN EACH
OTHER FOR MANY YEARS WHEN WE SIT DOWN AND HAVE THAT MEAL.
HE'S DEFINITELY GAINED SOME WEIGHT SINCE I LAST SAW HIM, BUT
MELINA, SHE'LL TAKE HIM ANY WHICH WAY.
IT'S HOT, A VERY HOT CONNECTION.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: DAVID LAST NIGHT SAID THAT WHEN THE PRODUCERS TOLD ‐‐
>> HE'S MARRIED HE SAID LAST NIGHT, I DIDN'T KNOW HE'S
MARRIED.
>> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT? YOU GUYS MUST BE CLOSE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH, WE'RE TIGHT.
>> Jimmy: HE SEEMS LIKE A GREAT GUY, DAVID HARBOUR.
HE'S NO DANIEL CRAIG, OBVIOUSLY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HE'S AMAZING. HE'S AMAZING AND WE HAD SUCH FUN.
HE IMPROVISES, HE'S A WILD GUY.
>> Jimmy: HE'S ONE OF THOSE GUYS THAT YOU'RE ON THE SET WITH, YOU
HAVE A GREAT TIME WITH HIM, GOING BACK AND FORTH, THEN YOU
NEVER REACH OUT TO HIM AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WE HAVE TEXTED BACK AND FORTH.
BECAUSE HE'S MOVED TO BROOKLYN. HE WAS ASKING ABOUT PLACES FOR
THE KIDS, THE STEPCHILDREN. I DON'T KNOW, I MISSED THE VEGAS
WEDDING.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THERE WAS A BIG VEGAS WEDDING, OR A SMALL VEGAS
WEDDING, JUST HIM, HIS WIFE, AND ELVIS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU CANNOT ‐‐ IS THERE A LIST OF THINGS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN
THAT TELL YOU WHAT TO SAY, WHAT NOT TO SAY, ABOUT THE FILM?
WHAT ARE THE RULES?
>> YES. THERE IS A LIST. I ‐‐ I DON'T ‐‐ I LOST IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
ONE THING I DO REMEMBER, DO NOT SAY ‐‐ I MEAN, I KNOW THE BIG
SPOILERS, WHICH I'M OBVIOUSLY NOT GOING TO SAY.
BUT THAT MY ‐‐ YEAH, MY CHARACTER'S SECOND NAME IS ‐‐
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH. WELL, NO.
WE FOUND THAT ‐‐ THAT'S OUT THERE, THAT'S PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE
NOW. SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP ‐‐ MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE
KEPT THE LIST I THINK WHAT IS I'M TRYING TO SAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'M GOING TO HAVE A DRINK. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YES. SO WHAT CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT
THE CHARACTER THAT YOU PLAY?
>> WELL, SHE IS A BLACK WIDOW. SHE'S BEEN TRAINED AS A BLACK
WIDOW SPY. SHE'S HIGHLY SKILL ED SPY.
AND SCIENTIST. SHE RUNS A ‐‐ KIND OF A ‐‐ WELL,
A PIG FARM. AND THAT'S WHERE THE FAMILY MET
ME AT MY SCIENTIFIC LAB, WHERE I KEEP PIGS WHICH I EXPERIMENT ON.
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE A PIG‐FARMING SPY‐INTIST.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S ALL YOU CAN SAY?
>> YES. AND A BLACK WIDOW, HIGHLY
SKILLED, HIGHLY TRAINED IN COMBAT, FLUENT IN 25 LANGUAGES.
>> Jimmy: 25 LANGUAGES? I WONDER IF THERE'S ANYONE
THAT'S EVER ‐‐ NO ONE SPEAKS 25 LANGUAGES, RIGHT?
>> APART FROM MELINA, WHOSE SECOND NAME I WON'T SAY, YES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU MEAN ‐‐ NO, YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT TRUMP'S WIFE?
[ LAUGHTER ]
NO, THAT'S MELANIA.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: NOW DAVID WAS SAYING THAT HE HAD A REAL DISPUTE WITH
THE PRODUCERS OF THE FILM BECAUSE HE FELT THAT HIS
CHARACTER SHOULD BE SPEAKING RUSSIAN AND NOT JUST ENGLISH
WITH A RUSSIAN ACCENT. WHERE DID YOU COME DOWN ON THAT?
>> YOU KNOW, I APPLAUD DAVID'S COMMITMENT TO REALISM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE FACT THAT HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE MORE REALISTIC.
BUT, YOU KNOW. IT'S ‐‐ IT'S A KIND OF ‐‐ I'LL
POLITELY SAY KIND OF LIKE A FAN DECEMBER FILM.
SO THERE'S LOTS OF CRAZY, ED YOU LANDISH THING.
SO I WAS HAPPY TO BE SPEAKING ‐‐ WE DON'T SPEAK RUSSIAN WHAT IS
HE TALKING ABOUT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
IF I HAD TO SPEAK RUSSIAN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ‐‐ YEAH.
I KNOW WHERE HE'S COMING FROM AS AN ACTOR, BUT YEAH, OUR RUSSIAN
IS TOO POOR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I GET IT. I'M UNDERSTANDING WHY YOU CUT
HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE, I REALLY AM.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT, "BLACK WIDOW" OPENS IN
THEATERS AND DISNEY PLUS PREMIER ACCESS JULY 9th, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH, RACHEL WEISZ. BE RIGHT BACK WITH ROB RIGGLE!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: MUSIC FROM WILLIE JONES IS ON THE WAY.
OUR NEXT GUEST IS AN EMMY‐NOMINATED ACTOR AND
COMEDIAN AND LIEUTENANT COLONEL IN THE UNITED STATES
MARINE CORPS, WHO NOW FACES THE GREATEST CHALLENGE OF HIS LIFE,
MINI GOLF COMMENTATOR. SEASON THREE OF "HOLEY MOLEY"
PREMIERES JUNE 17th HERE ON ABC. PLEASE WELCOME ROB RIGGLE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: NO, I'M NOT REALLY SUPPOSED TO SHAKE YOUR HAND BUT
I HAVEN'T SEEN COW IN A LONG TIME.
>> I KNOW.
>> Jimmy: I COULDN'T RESIST. HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> I'M DOING WELL.
>> Jimmy: YOU LOOK VERY HANDSOME.
>> BOY, RIGHT BACK ATCHA.
>> Jimmy: YOU LOOK VERY TAN, YOU WERE IN HAWAII?
>> I WAS IN HAWAII.
>> Jimmy: TELL EVERYONE WHAT YOU WERE DOING IN HAWAII.
>> I DON'T MIND IF I DO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WAS PLAYING GOLF WITH MR. PATRICK MAHOMES.
MAYBE YOU HEARD OF HIM?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THE QUARTERBACK FOR THE KANSAS CITY CHIEFS?
>> YES, YES.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: IF WE WERE IN KANSAS CITY RIGHT NOW, THOUGH, THE
SMALL GROUP ASSEMBLED HERE WOULD HAVE GONE BANANAS FOR HIM.
>> HE'S UNIVERSALLY LOVED, IT'S A GLOBAL THING.
>> Jimmy: HE IS FAIRLY UNIVERSALLY LOVED.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> YEAH, YEAH. HE HAD THIS INAUGURAL CHARITY
EVENT THAT HE WAS DOING FOR THE 15 AND THE MAY HOMIES
FOUNDATION, HIS FOUNDATION. ASKED ME TO BE PART OF IT.
HE'S BEEN A BIG SUPPORTER OF A CHARITY EVENT I DO IN KANSAS
CITY. SO LOOK, I JUST ‐‐ I LOVE THE
GUY. THE CHANCE TO GO TO HAWAII TO
PLAY GOLF AND HANG WITH PATRICK MAHOMES.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU ACTUALLY PLAY WITH HIM?
>> WE DID A PRACTICE ROUND TOGETHER.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
>> I GOT TO PLAY WITH HIM AND TRAVIS KELCE, KYLE LONG,
PATRICK'S DAD, PAT, ALSO A MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYER.
A LOT OF ATHLETES AND ONE IDIOT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
A LOT OF FUN.
>> Jimmy: HOW DID YOU DO, DID YOU WIN?
>> I DID NOT.
>> Jimmy: WHO WON?
>> PAT WON.
>> Jimmy: WHICH PAT, DAD PAT?
>> THAT'S RIGHT. BIG PAT IS PAT.
PATRICK IS PATRICK.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, YEAH.
>> MAKE SENSE?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, SURE, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
MY DAD'S JIM. YEAH.
>> AND I'M ROB, MY DAD'S BOB.
>> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO.
>> ALL RIGHT YEAH. NO, I NEVER WIN AGAINST PATRICK
MAHOMES.
>> Jimmy: WHY NOT?
>> I PLAYED AGAINST HIM IN THE TAHOE TOURNAMENT.
THEY DO ONE EVERY YEAR IN LAKE TAHOE.
I WAS BEATING HIM FOR 15 HOLES. CASH ON THE LINE.
AND WHAT DOES HE DO? HE DOES WHAT PATRICK MAHOMES
ALWAYS DOES, COMES BACK AT THE VERY END AND ONES IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SMOKED ME AND TOOK ALL THE MONEY.
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S AN AMOUNT OF MONEY HYPOTHETICALLY THAT A
PATRICK MAY HOMES AND ROB RIGGLE WOULD WAGER ON A ROUND LIKE
THAT?
>> I ALTHOUHIC TO GO BIG STAKES. 20 BUCKS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IS THAT RIGHT? YEAH.
>> PATRICK JUST GOT THIS NEW CONTRACT, APPARENTLY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DIDN'T READ MUCH ABOUT IT, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD ABOUT IT.
BUT HE WENT A LITTLE HIGHER STAKES.
HE WAS REALLY ‐‐ HE WAS LIKE, WELL, LET'S PLAY FOR THIS.
I'M LIKE, I DIDN'T GET THE CONTRACT YOU GOT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU REALLY ‐‐ WHAT AMOUNT OF MONEY WOULD BE
SIGNIFICANT ENOUGH THAT IT WOULD MEAN ANYTHING, REALLY, OTHER
THAN WINNING?
>> EXACTLY. IT'S JUST PRIDE.
I THINK HE WANTED THE PRIDE MORE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WELL SURE. YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE.
THAT'S FUN, THAT'S A FUN THING TO DO.
>> YES, ABSOLUTELY.
>> Jimmy: IF HE PLAYED FOR ANOTHER TEAM, YOU PROBABLY
WOULDN'T CARE AT ALL ABOUT HIM. BUT YOU LOVE THE CHIEFS SO MUCH
THAT YOU CARE VERY DEEPLY.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: MAYBE EVEN LOVE HIM.
>> I ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S TRUE. I HAVE TO SAY, I LOVE HIM, I
LOVE HIM, I LOVE THE CHIEFS, I LOVE KANSAS FE CITY.
IF HE WOULD HAVE CALLED AND SAID, ROB, I'M DOING THIS
INAUGURAL GOLF TOURNAMENT IN HAWAII, WOULD YOU MIND PARKING
SOME OF THE CARS OUT THERE? MAYBE BAR TENDING?
I'D BE LIKE, YES, YES! WHEN, WHERE? COUNT ME IN!
>> Jimmy: YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO FLOAT THAT OUT, NEXT
YEAR YOU'LL BE CELEBRITY VALET.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
HOW OLD ARE YOUR KIDS NOW?
>> MY CHILDREN ARE GREAT, THANK YOU FOR ASKING. 13 AND 17.
HITTING THOSE AGES WHERE, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF JUDGMENT BEING
THROWN AT DAD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ARE THEY STILL ‐‐ WHAT ARE THEY JUDGING YOU FOR?
WHAT KIND OF JUDGMENT ARE YOU GETTING?
>> MUSIC MAINLY.
>> Jimmy: OH, REALLY? THEY DON'T LIKE YOUR MUSIC?
>> THEY DON'T ‐‐ IT'S WEIRD. THEY USED TO LIKE IT.
BUT NOW THEY'RE ALL JUDGY ABOUT IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NOW THEY KNOW HOW TO WORK THE MUSIC, YEAH.
>> I GOT TO ADMIT, THOUGH. I FOUND ‐‐ THE OTHER DAY, AS A
MATTER OF FACT PLAYING GOLF WITH PATRICK MAHOMES, I DIDN'T WANT
HIM TO KNOW WHAT I WAS LISTENING TO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE PLAYLIST. IT WAS ACTUALLY CALLED "DAD
ROCK."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: REALLY?
>> YEAH, "DAD ROCK."
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S ON THE "DAD ROCK"?
>> I LAUGHED WHEN I SAW IT, PFFT, WHAT A JERK, WHO LISTENS
TO THAT? AND I LOVED EVERY SONG.
[ LAUGHTER ]
JOURNEY, AC/DC, AND I WAS LIKE, YEAH, WHOO!
>> Jimmy: ISN'T IT FUNNY HOW IT'S ALL LUMPED TOGETHER?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WHEN WE WERE KIDS, WHEN WE WERE YOUNG, JOURNEY AND
AC/DC WERE NOT COMPATIBLE.
>> NOT AT ALL.
>> Jimmy: THEY WOULD NOT BE ON THE SAME MIX.
>> THOSE TWO FAN BASES WOULD HAVE PROBABLY FOUGHT.
>> Jimmy: KILLED EACH OTHER, YEAH, YEAH.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: JOURNEY WOULD HAVE LOST.
>> YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO BAD.
>> Jimmy: IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A SLAUGHTER.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: NOW THEY'RE ON THE PLAYLIST.
SO YOUR KIDS DO NOT LIKE DAD ROCK BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT DADS.
>> THEY USED TO. MY BOY, HE'LL SING ALONG WITH
JOURNEY, HE KNOWS THE WORDS TO "STONE IN LOVE" AND SOME OF
THESE GREAT SONGS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. RIGHT.
>> BUT NOW IT'S LIKE ‐‐
>> Jimmy: GOT TO BE COOL NOW.
>> DAD LISTENS TO IT, I CAN'T LISTEN TO IT.
>> Jimmy: ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S BEEN LABELED "DAD ROCK," FORGET
ABOUT IT.
>> CUTS LIKE A KNIFE.
>> Jimmy: YOU WANTED TO HIDE THAT FROM PATRICK MAHOMES, WHY?
BECAUSE YOU FELT YOU WOULD BE SEEN AS UNCOOL?
>> YES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH.
>> IT'S JUST WHAT THAT SIMPLE. I LITERALLY PUT HEADPHONES IN
BECAUSE HE COULDN'T HEAR. HE HAD A SPEAKER, HE WAS LIKE,
OH, YEAH! AND I WASLIKE ‐‐ YOU KNOW.
♪ STONE IN LOVE
WHICH IS NOT HOW THAT SONG GOES, BY THE WAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ROB, MANY PEOPLE KNOW, AND LIKE MOST COMEDIANS YOU
STARTED IN THE MARINE CORPS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I HAVE A PHOTOGRAPH HERE OF A USO TOUR YOU DID.
WE HAVE HERE DOUG FISTER RIGHT THERE.
>> YEAH, GREAT PITCHER. YOU GOT BRIAN URLACHER.
CHICAGO BEARS.
DON EGRON, GREAT ACTRESS.
KELLIE PICKLER, COUNTRY MUSIC ARTIST.
ME, AND THE DUCHESS OF SUSSEX, MEGHAN MARKLE.
>> Jimmy: THESE ARE HER PRE‐DUCHESS DAYS?
>> PRE‐DUCHESS DAYS WHEN SHE WAS REGULAR OLD MEGHAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS, THIS IS THE FIRST THING I
WAS THINKING ABOUT. LIKE OBVIOUSLY KELLIE PICKLER
SINGS, SO SHE'S THERE DOING THAT. THEN YOU TELL JOKES.
HOST THE THING. WHAT IS EVERYBODY ELSE DOING?
>> YOU KNOW ‐‐ HAVING FUN?
[ LAUGHTER ]
DOUG AND BRIAN WOULD COME OUT AND THANK THE TROOPS, YOU KNOW,
AND DO A Q&A. THEN THEY'D THROW OUT SOME
SIGNED FOOTBALLS AND BASEBALLS AT THE CROWD.
AND MEGHAN WOULD JOIN THEM. AND HELP THROW OUT FOOTBALLS AND
BASEBALLS.
>> Jimmy: REALLY?
>> YEAH. SHE WOULD DO A Q&A.
KIND OF CHAT THEM UP A LITTLE BIT.
>> Jimmy: WERE THE Qs "WHO ARE YOU?"
>> A LOT OF THAT, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: "ONE DAY DO YOU THINK YOU'LL TOPPLE THE MONARCHY?"
>> YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT MIXED IN WITH "IS THERE GOING TO BE A SEASON 2 OF SUITS?
".
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU'RE DOING SEASON 3 OF "HOLY MOLY,," FUNNY SHOW.
IT SOUNDS LIKE THE STUPIDEST SHOW EVER BUT IT IS A FUNNY
SHOW, AGAINST ALL ODDS. MINIATURE GOLF.
>> YEAH, I WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGHT IT.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE THERE GOOFING ON CONTESTANTS PLAYING MINIATURE
GOLF.
>> I THINK IT'S A GREAT MIX OF EVERYTHING.
I'M LUCKY ENOUGH TO WORK WITH
JOE TSATORE, JEANNIE MOOSE, A GREAT TEAM, THE TEAM THEY GOT
TOGETHER WAS FANTASTIC. THEN WHAT THEY DO, IT IS, IT'S
LIKE WIPEOUT FACES MINIATURE GOLF.
WE PUT THESE GOLFERS THROUGH A NIGHTMARE.
>> Jimmy: YOU TORTURE THE GOLFERS, YEAH.
>> THEN JOE AND I REACT. BECAUSE WE'RE SEEING IT LIVE
JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE IS AND REACTING TO WHAT WE'RE SEEING.
WE'RE REALLY ENJOYING IT, HAVING FUN, REACTING IN A VERY REAL AND
HONEST WAY. THEN, YOU KNOW, I RUN MY MOUTH A
LITTLE BIT. JOE IS A PERFECT COUNTERPART TO
THAT. AND WE HAVE A BLAST.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE A TWO‐HOUR SEASON PREMIERE.
THERE WERE TIMES PEOPLE SAID, THERE'S NO WAY A NETWORK WOULD
PUT TWO HOURS OF MINIATURE GOLF IN PRIMETIME TELEVISION.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
ONCE AGAIN, YOU PROVED THEM SO WRONG. SO VERY WRONG.
>> YOUR LIPS TO GOD'S EARS, JIMMY, THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: "HOLY MOLY" RETURNS TO ABC ON JUNE 17th.
TWO HOURS OF MINIATURE GOLF RIGHT HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
ROB RIGGLE, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE BACK WITH WILLIE JONES.
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: HEY, AGAIN. MUSIC FROM WILLIE JONES IS STILL
ON THE WAY. BUT FIRST, THANKS TO YEARS OF
EXPERIENCE, RELIABILITY AND SAFETY INNOVATIONS, ADT PROVIDES
THE LATEST IN SECURITY AND SMARTHOME SOLUTIONS, ALMOST TOO
SMART IF YOU ASK GUILLERMO.
[ DIALING ]
>> HELLO?
>> GUILLERMO, I GOT AN ALERT FROM THE ADT SYSTEM, IT SAYS
THERE'S MOTION IN THE HOUSE. ARE YOU AT HOME?
>> NO, I'M AT HOME, WORKING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
DON'T WORRY, MILLIONS OF PEOPLE TRUST ADT.
THEY ARE HELPING KEEP THE HOUSE SAFE.
>> YOU'RE RIGHT. JUST TO CONFIRM, YOU'RE AT WORK,
WORKING?
>> YEAH, I'M DOING WORK THINGS WITH LARRY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> LET ME SPEAK TO LARRY.
>> OH. OKAY. HOLD ON.
LARRY! HELLO, MRS. RODRIGUEZ, THIS IS
LARRY. WE ARE WORKING HARD.
>> SO, LARRY, TELL HIM WHEN HE'S DONE LAZING AROUND, SET THE
ALARM.
>> LARRY, WHEN YOU'RE DONE ‐‐
>> I KNOW THERE'S NO LARRY.
>> YOU DO?
>> I DO.
>> DO YOU WANT TO SPEAK WITH TONY?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Dicky: BRINGING YOU THE LATEST IN SMARTHOME SOLUTIONS
AND OVERALL SECURITY, BECAUSE WHEN IT REALLY MATTERS, TRUST
ADT, REAL PROTECTION.
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: MANY THANKS TO RACHEL WEISZ AND ROB RIGGLE.
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. TOMORROW NIGHT, MICHAEL CHE AND
CILLIAN MURPHY, WITH MUSIC FROM THE LINDA LINDAS.
"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT, BUT FIRST, HIS SONG IS CALLED "DOWN BY THE
RIVERSIDE." FROM SHREVEPORT, LOUISIANA,
WILLIE JONES!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
♪ YO YO YO
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS ‐‐ I GO BY THE NAME OF
WILLIE JONES.
♪
I'MA SHOW YOU HOW WE DO IT DOWN IN THE POOL, YO.
♪ DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE
♪ HANKY PANKY
WHERE THEM GIRLS BAD YES MA'AM ♪
♪ PLEASE AND THANK YOU
WHERE THEM BOYS RIDE SLOW 'CAUSE THEM ROADS ♪
♪ IS DANGEROUS
IT'S A REAL THIN LINE 'TWEEN SNAKES AND ANGELS ♪
♪ SUN MAKING ME SWEAT
COGNAC ON MY BREATH CRAWFISH WITH ♪
♪ THE CORNBREAD
YEAH THIS AS REAL AS IT GETS ♪
♪ KNICK KNACK PADDY WACK
GIVE A DOG A BONE THIS IS WILLIE JONES ♪
♪ YOU ALREADY KNOW
YOU CAN FIND ME OUT WHERE THE CORN ♪
♪ AND THE COTTON GROW
WAY DOWN SOUTH CRACKING BONES SLAMMING DOMINOS ♪
♪ WELCOME TO THE RATCHET
BLACK ZYDECO RODEO BOSS HOG I'M A DOG ♪
♪ I'M A BILLY GOAT
DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪
♪ DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE
BY THE RIVERSIDE DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪
♪ BY THE RIVERSIDE
THIS IS HOW WE THROW IT DOWN DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪
♪ GET THAT MUD OFF MY TIRES
DIRTY SOUTH IN THE HOUSE COMING STRAIGHT OUT ♪
♪ THE BAYOU
WE GOT THAT CATFISH FRYING COMING FRESH ♪
♪ OFF THE BOTTOM
I GOT A BAD ‐‐ WITH THE BUCKSHOT ♪
♪ RIDIN' SHOTTY
MET HER DOWN AT TULANE SO YOU KNOW SHE ♪
♪ GOT GOOD BRAIN
THAT'S SUPERDOME I'M SUPER GONE ♪
♪ LORD KNOWS
I AIN'T NO SAINT YOU CAN FIND ME OUT ♪
♪ WHERE THE CORN
AND THE COTTON GROW WAY DOWN SOUTH CRACKING ♪
♪ BONES SLAMMING DOMINOS
WELCOME TO THE RATCHET BLACK ZYDECO RODEO ♪
♪ BOSS HOG I'M A DOG
I'M A BILLY GOAT DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪
♪ BY THE RIVERSIDE
DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪
♪ DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE
BY THE RIVERSIDE THIS IS HOW WE THROW ♪
♪ IT DOWN DOWN
BIT RIVERSIDE ♪ YES, SIR!
♪ BY THE RIVERSIDE YEAH
REAL QUICK, I NEED EVERYBODY TO GET UP AND ROCK WITH ME REAL
QUICK, YEAH!
♪ DO SEA‐DOO TO THE LEFT
♪ DO YA ONE TWO STEP
SPIN AROUND THEN DROP IT DOWN ♪
♪ THEN SLIDE AND
CATCH YOUR BREATH NOW BOOT SCOOT TO ♪
♪ THE RIGHT TIP YA
DRINK TO THE SKY NOW ACT A FOOL ♪
♪ GO ON RIDE THE BULL
'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY WE RIDE ♪
♪ YOU CAN FIND ME OUT
WHERE THE CORN AND THE COTTON GROW ♪
♪ WAY DOWN SOUTH CRACKING
BONES SLAMMING DOMINOS WELCOME TO THE RATCHET ♪
♪ BLACK ZYDECO RODEO
BOSS HOG I'M A DOG I'M A BILLY GOAT ♪
♪ DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE
BY THE RIVERSIDE DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪
♪ BY THE RIVERSIDE
DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪
♪ THIS IS HOW WE THROW
IT DOWN DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪
♪
♪ THAT'S RIGHT CATCH YOUR
BREATH ♪
♪ RIGHT BY THE RIVERSIDE
♪ THIS IS HOW WE THROW IT DOWN
DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪