1 00:00:00,798 --> 00:00:03,031 >> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!" 2 00:00:03,031 --> 00:00:05,300 TONIGHT, RACHEL WEISZ, ROB RIGGLE AND MUSIC FROM 3 00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:12,941 WILLIE JONES. AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL! 4 00:00:12,941 --> 00:00:15,577 >> Jimmy: OH, WELL THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HI, I'M JIMMY. 5 00:00:15,577 --> 00:00:19,748 I AM THE HOST OF THE SHOW. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING AT HOME. 6 00:00:19,748 --> 00:00:24,285 THANKS FOR JOINING US HERE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, 7 00:00:24,285 --> 00:00:27,756 WHERE I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE HEARD THIS WE'RE RUNNING VERY 8 00:00:27,756 --> 00:00:31,092 LOW ON CAIRNS, OR AT LEAST BABY CAIRNS. 9 00:00:31,092 --> 00:00:32,694 [ LAUGHTER ] 10 00:00:32,694 --> 00:00:34,396 OR AT LEAST BABY KARENS. OVER THE PAST YEAR, PRESUMABLY 11 00:00:34,396 --> 00:00:38,700 BECAUSE OF ALL THE NEGATIVE ASSOCIATION WITH THAT NAME, THE 12 00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:40,435 NAME KAREN HAS PLUMMETED IN POPULARITY. 13 00:00:40,435 --> 00:00:43,605 IT DROPPED ALL THE WAY DOWN TO NUMBER 831 ON THE LIST OF MOST 14 00:00:43,605 --> 00:00:44,105 COMMON GIRL BABY NAMES. 15 00:00:44,105 --> 00:00:44,839 [ LAUGHTER ] 16 00:00:44,839 --> 00:00:49,077 A SIMILAR THING HAPPENED TO KATRINA AFTER HURRICANE KATRINA, 17 00:00:49,077 --> 00:00:53,248 AND ALSO THE NAME DAMON AFTER THE MOVIE "WE BOUGHT A ZOO." 18 00:00:53,248 --> 00:00:57,018 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 19 00:00:57,018 --> 00:00:59,587 EVEN WITHOUT THE KAREN THING, KAREN IS A WEIRD NAME FOR A BABY. 20 00:00:59,587 --> 00:01:04,893 YOU'RE LIKE, OH, KAREN, KAREN. IF I WAS A BABY AND MY PARENTS 21 00:01:04,893 --> 00:01:06,127 NAMED ME KAREN, I WOULD MOST DEFINITELY ASK TO SPEAK TO THE 22 00:01:06,127 --> 00:01:08,430 MANAGER. 23 00:01:08,430 --> 00:01:08,763 [ LAUGHTER ] 24 00:01:08,763 --> 00:01:11,666 LAST YEAR, THIS IS TRUE, THERE WERE ONLY 325 BABIES NAMED KAREN 25 00:01:11,666 --> 00:01:13,768 IN THE UNITED STATES LAST YEAR. IN 1965, THERE WERE 33,000 OF 26 00:01:13,768 --> 00:01:19,707 THEM. AND NOW THEY'RE ALL GROWN UP AND 27 00:01:19,707 --> 00:01:20,675 FACE.ING WALMART GREETERS IN TH‐ 28 00:01:20,675 --> 00:01:21,409 [ LAUGHTER ] 29 00:01:21,409 --> 00:01:24,479 YOU KNOW WHAT NAME IS ALSO WAY DOWN ON THE LIST? DONALD. 30 00:01:24,479 --> 00:01:25,213 [ LAUGHTER ] 31 00:01:25,213 --> 00:01:29,651 THE NAME DONALD IS AT ITS LOWEST POINT, NAME AND OTHERWISE, SINCE 32 00:01:29,651 --> 00:01:30,318 THE YEAR 1900. 33 00:01:30,318 --> 00:01:31,586 [ APPLAUSE ] 34 00:01:31,586 --> 00:01:32,587 NO ONE KNOWS WHY. 35 00:01:32,587 --> 00:01:33,121 [ LAUGHTER ] 36 00:01:33,121 --> 00:01:35,824 AND YOU KNOW WHAT NAME IS EVEN LESS POPULAR THAN DONALD? 37 00:01:35,824 --> 00:01:40,428 OR KAREN? GUILLERMO. 38 00:01:40,428 --> 00:01:40,895 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 39 00:01:40,895 --> 00:01:41,429 >> Guillermo: OH, WOW! 40 00:01:41,429 --> 00:01:45,867 >> Jimmy: NO, NOT GOOD. LESS POPULAR. 41 00:01:45,867 --> 00:01:47,702 >> Guillermo: OH, OH. 42 00:01:47,702 --> 00:01:50,705 >> Jimmy: THERE WERE FEWER GUILLERMOS IN 2020 THAN AT ANY 43 00:01:50,705 --> 00:01:55,076 POINT OVER THE PAST 79 YEARS. WHAT DID YOU DO? 44 00:01:55,076 --> 00:01:56,077 >> Guillermo: I DON'T KNOW, JIMMY, I DON'T KNOW. 45 00:01:56,077 --> 00:01:57,345 >> Jimmy: NOT ONLY IS THERE A GUILLERMO SHORTAGE, YOU KNOW 46 00:01:57,345 --> 00:02:00,381 WHAT ELSE IS IN SHORT SUPPLY? PORT‐A‐POTTYS. 47 00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:04,452 AS THE WORLD IS OPENING BACK UP AND HUMANS ARE GETTING READY FOR 48 00:02:04,452 --> 00:02:06,921 CONCERTS AND FESTIVALS AND SEX ORGIES OR WHATEVER, THERE'S 49 00:02:06,921 --> 00:02:13,428 A SURGE IN DEMAND THAT THE PORTA JOHN PEOPLE CANNOT KEEP UP WITH. 50 00:02:13,428 --> 00:02:17,465 THEY'RE WORRIED THERE MIGHT NOT BE ENOUGH TOILETS THIS YEAR. 51 00:02:17,465 --> 00:02:18,700 WHICH MAKES NO SENSE. WE USED TO HAVE ENOUGH. 52 00:02:18,700 --> 00:02:19,901 WHY WOULD THERE BE A NEED FOR MORE? 53 00:02:19,901 --> 00:02:21,135 WE WERE ONLY GONE FOR A YEAR. IT'S NOT LIKE WE'VE BEEN HOLDING 54 00:02:21,135 --> 00:02:21,836 IT IN. 55 00:02:21,836 --> 00:02:22,504 [ LAUGHTER ] 56 00:02:22,504 --> 00:02:25,073 AND WHILE IT WOULD BE EASY TO BLAME TRUMP FOR THIS, HE 57 00:02:25,073 --> 00:02:28,042 ACTUALLY MAY HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT. 58 00:02:28,042 --> 00:02:33,581 THE SECRET SERVICE IS EXPECTED TO SHELL OUT MORE THAN $34,000 59 00:02:33,581 --> 00:02:35,617 ON PORTABLE TOILETS TO USE WHILE THEY STAND GUARD FOR TRUMP, 60 00:02:35,617 --> 00:02:39,087 WHILE HE SPENDS THE SUMMER IN BEDMINSTER, NEW JERSEY. $34,000. 61 00:02:39,087 --> 00:02:44,459 AND YOU KNOW WHO FOOTS THE BILL FOR THAT? TAXPAYERS. 62 00:02:44,459 --> 00:02:48,696 IF YOU MAKE $130,000 A YEAR, THAT MEANS YOU PAY RIGHT AROUND 63 00:02:48,696 --> 00:02:52,033 $34,000 IN FEDERAL TAX. $130,000. IT'S THE AVERAGE SALARY OF A 64 00:02:52,033 --> 00:02:55,270 DENTIST IN UTAH. THAT MEANS THIS GUY, 65 00:02:55,270 --> 00:03:01,709 DR. GARON LARSON, OF ELEVATED FAMILY DENTISTRY, ALL THE MONEY 66 00:03:01,709 --> 00:03:07,916 HE PAID ALL YEAR LAST YEAR GOES FOR THE SECRET SERVICE TO POOP 67 00:03:07,916 --> 00:03:08,516 AT DONALD TRUMP'S GOLF COURSE. 68 00:03:08,516 --> 00:03:09,384 [ LAUGHTER ] 69 00:03:09,384 --> 00:03:11,352 SORRY, DR. GARON. DONALD TRUMP MADE AN INTERESTING 70 00:03:11,352 --> 00:03:14,889 MOVE TODAY. HE QUIT HIS OWN BLOG. 71 00:03:14,889 --> 00:03:15,490 [ LAUGHTER ] 72 00:03:15,490 --> 00:03:19,861 THE BLOG PAGE "FROM THE DESK OF DONALD J. TRUMP" ON HIS OWN 73 00:03:19,861 --> 00:03:22,397 WEBSITE HAS BEEN PERMANENTLY SHUT DOWN. 74 00:03:22,397 --> 00:03:24,132 I KNOW, IT'S A REAL PUNCH IN THE GUT FOR ME TOO. 75 00:03:24,132 --> 00:03:25,567 [ LAUGHTER ] 76 00:03:25,567 --> 00:03:29,070 TRUMP WAS VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS BLOG FOR THE FIRST MONTH, 77 00:03:29,070 --> 00:03:31,706 AFTER HE WAS BANNED ON TWITTER. NOW HE'S JUST ABANDONING IT, 78 00:03:31,706 --> 00:03:33,641 IT'S A MOVE HE CALLS "THE ERIC." 79 00:03:33,641 --> 00:03:36,611 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 80 00:03:36,611 --> 00:03:39,113 ACCORDING TO ONE OF TRUMP'S ADVISORS, THE REASON HE SHUT THE 81 00:03:39,113 --> 00:03:41,149 BLOG DOWN, WAS BECAUSE PEOPLE IN THE MEDIA WERE MOCKING HOW FEW 82 00:03:41,149 --> 00:03:44,052 PEOPLE WERE VISITING THE SITE. TRAFFIC TO HIS WEBSITE DROPPED 83 00:03:44,052 --> 00:03:48,122 99 PERCENT FROM LAST YEAR. SO FROM NOW ON, HE'S JUST GOING 84 00:03:48,122 --> 00:03:52,460 TO WRITE BITCHY LITTLE NOTES ON THE DRY ERASE BOARD AT THE 85 00:03:52,460 --> 00:03:55,063 MAR‐A‐LAGO OMELET STATION, WHERE MORE PEOPLE WILL SEE THEM. 86 00:03:55,063 --> 00:03:55,396 [ LAUGHTER ] 87 00:03:55,396 --> 00:03:57,932 AMAZON YESTERDAY ANNOUNCED THEIR SUPPORT FOR A FEDERAL BILL 88 00:03:57,932 --> 00:04:01,536 THAT WOULD DECRIMINALIZE CANNABIS. WHICH WAS A SURPRISE. 89 00:04:01,536 --> 00:04:05,039 THEY HAVE ALSO PLEDGED TO STOP SCREENING WORKERS FOR THC. 90 00:04:05,039 --> 00:04:07,742 WHICH SUCKS FOR THOSE WORKERS, BECAUSE THE URINE TEST WAS THE 91 00:04:07,742 --> 00:04:11,913 ONLY BATHROOM BREAK THEY GOT AT AMAZON. 92 00:04:11,913 --> 00:04:12,246 [ LAUGHTER ] 93 00:04:12,246 --> 00:04:14,182 I WONDER IF THEY'LL ALSO TAKE A DIFFERENT APPROACH TO WHAT THEY 94 00:04:14,182 --> 00:04:19,721 SELL? RIGHT NOW, IF YOU TRY TO BUY A 95 00:04:19,721 --> 00:04:24,692 PIPE ON AMAZON TO SMOKE OUT OF, YOU HAVE TO SEARCH "CREATIVE 96 00:04:24,692 --> 00:04:25,326 USEFUL SMALL GADGETS." 97 00:04:25,326 --> 00:04:27,028 [ LAUGHTER ] 98 00:04:27,028 --> 00:04:30,431 OR "PORTABLE SMALL TOOLS." WHICH MAKES NO SENSE, BECAUSE 99 00:04:30,431 --> 00:04:32,700 LIKE 40% OF THE STUFF PEOPLE BUY ON AMAZON IS BECAUSE THEY'RE 100 00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:33,065 HIGH. 101 00:04:33,065 --> 00:04:36,437 [ LAUGHTER ] 102 00:04:36,437 --> 00:04:38,873 LIKE THIS NICOLAS CAGE PILLOWCASE. 103 00:04:38,873 --> 00:04:39,206 [ APPLAUSE ] 104 00:04:39,206 --> 00:04:40,842 OR THIS IN‐CAR FRENCH FRY HOLDER. 105 00:04:40,842 --> 00:04:42,043 [ LAUGHTER ] 106 00:04:42,043 --> 00:04:43,544 OR THESE RANCH DRESSING, BACON, AND PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY 107 00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:45,079 FLAVORED SODAS. ARE WE TO BELIEVE THESE ARE 108 00:04:45,079 --> 00:04:52,453 BEING SOLD TO PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T FALLEN ASLEEP WAITING IN 109 00:04:52,453 --> 00:04:56,424 THE DRIVE‐THRU LINE AT IN AND OUT? 110 00:04:56,424 --> 00:05:00,795 MAYBE I SHOULD ASK ALEXA ABOUT THIS. ALEXA! 111 00:05:00,795 --> 00:05:04,132 OH, ALEXA IS AN UNPOPULAR NAME, JUST LIKE YOURS. 112 00:05:04,132 --> 00:05:05,667 >> Guillermo: OH, THAT'S GOOD. 113 00:05:05,667 --> 00:05:06,000 [ LAUGHTER ] 114 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:10,038 >> Jimmy: OH, HEY, ALEXA, I SEE YOU'RE ENJOYING AMAZON'S NEW 115 00:05:10,038 --> 00:05:12,306 RELAXED POLICY ON CANNABIS. 116 00:05:12,306 --> 00:05:13,608 >> YEAH, BRO, I'M CHILL. JUST VIBING. 117 00:05:13,608 --> 00:05:14,509 WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR A JAM BAND? 118 00:05:14,509 --> 00:05:15,877 >> Jimmy: NO. 119 00:05:15,877 --> 00:05:16,210 [ LAUGHTER ] 120 00:05:16,210 --> 00:05:22,984 NOT REALLY. I JUST ‐‐ I WANTED TO ASK ‐‐ 121 00:05:22,984 --> 00:05:24,452 >> ME, PLAY A JAM BAND. 122 00:05:24,452 --> 00:05:25,119 ♪ 123 00:05:25,119 --> 00:05:28,956 >> Jimmy: ALEXA, TURN MUSIC OFF! TURN OFF. 124 00:05:28,956 --> 00:05:29,390 >> WOW, OKAY, DICK. 125 00:05:29,390 --> 00:05:33,161 [ LAUGHTER ] 126 00:05:33,161 --> 00:05:34,328 [ CHIME ] 127 00:05:34,328 --> 00:05:35,329 >> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT SOUND? 128 00:05:35,329 --> 00:05:37,799 >> OH, IT'S A REMINDER. I'M SUPPOSED TO REMIND YOU ABOUT 129 00:05:37,799 --> 00:05:40,134 SOMETHING. 130 00:05:40,134 --> 00:05:40,835 [ LAUGHTER ] 131 00:05:40,835 --> 00:05:44,305 >> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO REMIND ME ABOUT? 132 00:05:44,305 --> 00:05:45,807 >> I FORGET. 133 00:05:45,807 --> 00:05:47,308 >> Jimmy: YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THE REMINDER? 134 00:05:47,308 --> 00:05:51,145 >> THAT'S WHY I SET THE REMINDER. 135 00:05:51,145 --> 00:05:52,480 WHY ARE YOU BEING A DICK? 136 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,116 [ LAUGHTER ] 137 00:05:55,116 --> 00:05:55,683 >> Jimmy: I'M NOT BEING A ‐‐ 138 00:05:55,683 --> 00:05:58,686 >> I HAVE A QUESTION. ARE YOU A TEEPEE OR A WIGWAM? 139 00:05:58,686 --> 00:06:04,459 >> Jimmy: AM I A TEEPEE OR A WIGWAM? 140 00:06:04,459 --> 00:06:09,697 >> YES, BECAUSE YOU'RE TWO TENTS! GET IT! TWO TENTS! DICK. 141 00:06:09,697 --> 00:06:12,867 HIGH FIVE, GUILLERMO. 142 00:06:12,867 --> 00:06:13,968 >> Jimmy: DON'T HIGH FIVE HER FOR THAT. 143 00:06:13,968 --> 00:06:15,303 [ LAUGHTER ] 144 00:06:15,303 --> 00:06:16,671 >> WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR A JAM BAND? 145 00:06:16,671 --> 00:06:20,441 ♪ 146 00:06:20,441 --> 00:06:26,314 >> Jimmy: NO, I WOULD STILL NOT LIKE ‐‐ OKAY, THANK YOU. 147 00:06:26,314 --> 00:06:26,647 [ APPLAUSE ] 148 00:06:26,647 --> 00:06:27,248 PORTABLE, SMALL, USEFUL GADGET. 149 00:06:27,248 --> 00:06:29,484 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 150 00:06:29,484 --> 00:06:36,457 HEY, SPEAKING OF CRAZY THINGS TO BUY, AN ITALIAN ARTIST JUST SOLD 151 00:06:36,457 --> 00:06:38,459 A SCULPTURE FOR $18,300. WHICH WOULD NOT BE INTERESTING, 152 00:06:38,459 --> 00:06:40,995 WERE IT NOT FOR THE FACT THAT THE SCULPTURE IS INVISIBLE. 153 00:06:40,995 --> 00:06:44,665 THERE IT ISN'T. 154 00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:45,299 [ LAUGHTER ] 155 00:06:45,299 --> 00:06:48,402 THE SCULPTURE IS CALLED, "I AM," AS IN "I AM AN IDIOT FOR PAYING 156 00:06:48,402 --> 00:06:50,905 $18,000 FOR AN INVISIBLE SCULPTURE." 157 00:06:50,905 --> 00:06:51,238 [ LAUGHTER ] 158 00:06:51,238 --> 00:06:55,676 WHY WOULD YOU PAY MONEY FOR AR INVISIBLE ‐‐ THIS IS NOT EVEN 159 00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,712 AN NFT, IT'S JUST ‐‐ AN "N," I GUESS. 160 00:06:57,712 --> 00:06:59,580 [ LAUGHTER ] 161 00:06:59,580 --> 00:07:02,717 I DON'T KNOW, IT'S A BLANK‐SY. AND SOMEONE PAID ALMOST 20 GRAND 162 00:07:02,717 --> 00:07:03,050 FOR THIS. 163 00:07:03,050 --> 00:07:04,252 [ LAUGHTER ] 164 00:07:04,252 --> 00:07:05,186 WHOEVER BOUGHT THAT SHOULD BE ROBBED, RIGHT? 165 00:07:05,186 --> 00:07:08,456 WE SHOULD JUST GO TO HIS HOUSE AND TAKE EVERYTHING. 166 00:07:08,456 --> 00:07:10,158 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 167 00:07:10,158 --> 00:07:12,927 YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T WANT MONEY. IN OTHER IMBECILE NEWS, A 168 00:07:12,927 --> 00:07:19,767 CANDIDATE FOR THE SENATE IN OHIO BOLDLY DECLARED HIS INDEPENDENCE 169 00:07:19,767 --> 00:07:24,071 FROM PPE BY BURNING A MASK IN A VIDEO CAPTIONED WITH THE WORD 170 00:07:24,071 --> 00:07:25,973 "FREEDOM." AND HE DROPPED IT TO THE GROUND 171 00:07:25,973 --> 00:07:33,548 AND JUST WALK OFF. THEY'LL CATCH HIM, ARSONISTS 172 00:07:33,548 --> 00:07:37,018 ALWAYS RETURN TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME TO MASTURBATE, WE KNOW 173 00:07:37,018 --> 00:07:37,383 THAT. 174 00:07:37,383 --> 00:07:39,654 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 175 00:07:39,654 --> 00:07:40,988 WE ARE LEARNING MORE ABOUT THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION'S 176 00:07:40,988 --> 00:07:43,858 RESPONSE TO THE PANDEMIC, FROM, OF ALL PLACES, DR. FAUCI'S INBOX. 177 00:07:43,858 --> 00:07:47,495 MORE THAN 866 PAGES OF DR. FAUCI'S EMAILS WERE 178 00:07:47,495 --> 00:07:50,131 RELEASED TO THE PUBLIC AS A RESULT OF REQUESTS THROUGH THE 179 00:07:50,131 --> 00:07:52,433 FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT, WHICH MUST HAVE BEEN A HELL OF A 180 00:07:52,433 --> 00:07:53,000 SURPRISE TO HIM. WHAT? 181 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,569 [ LAUGHTER ] 182 00:07:54,569 --> 00:07:56,537 INCLUDING THIS FROM AN OFFICIAL WITH THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH 183 00:07:56,537 --> 00:07:59,841 AND HUMAN SERVICES. THIS IS A REAL EMAIL. 184 00:07:59,841 --> 00:08:02,610 THIS PERSON SUGGESTED THAT MAYBE WE USE CONES, THE KIND THAT YOU 185 00:08:02,610 --> 00:08:05,680 PUT AROUND A DOG'S NECK, INSTEAD OF MASKS. 186 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,181 "HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THE SHORTAGE OF MEDICAL SUPPLIES, 187 00:08:07,181 --> 00:08:08,716 DOGGIE CONES ACTUALLY CAN BE USED AS PROTECTION FOR OUR 188 00:08:08,716 --> 00:08:11,686 HEALTH CARE WORKERS. JUST A THOUGHT THAT LOOKS AND 189 00:08:11,686 --> 00:08:14,188 SOUNDS CRAZY BUT CAN HELP. STAY SAFE. KINDEST REGARDS. 190 00:08:14,188 --> 00:08:16,424 KAREN BECKS." THIS IS WHY THERE ARE NO MORE 191 00:08:16,424 --> 00:08:17,191 KARENS. 192 00:08:17,191 --> 00:08:18,759 [ LAUGHTER ] 193 00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:23,130 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 194 00:08:23,130 --> 00:08:24,665 NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM THEM. DOGGIE CONES? 195 00:08:24,665 --> 00:08:26,534 A DOGGIE CONE DOESN'T STOP YOU FROM SPREADING DROPLETS. 196 00:08:26,534 --> 00:08:29,570 ALL IT DOES IS STOP YOU FROM LICKING YOUR PRIVATE PARTS. 197 00:08:29,570 --> 00:08:29,904 [ LAUGHTER ] 198 00:08:29,904 --> 00:08:31,772 OR SO I'M TOLD. 199 00:08:31,772 --> 00:08:33,441 [ LAUGHTER ] 200 00:08:33,441 --> 00:08:34,909 IF YOU THOUGHT SEEING EVERYONE IN MASKS ALL THE TIME WAS WEIRD, 201 00:08:34,909 --> 00:08:37,345 JUST IMAGINE IF WE WERE ALL WEARING DOGGIE CONES. 202 00:08:37,345 --> 00:08:38,546 [ LAUGHTER ] 203 00:08:38,546 --> 00:08:43,718 IT WOULD BE LIKE A BIG, SAD, SARAH McLACHLAN COMMERCIAL. 204 00:08:43,718 --> 00:08:46,520 YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT I GOT A LOT OF RIDICULOUS EMAILS. 205 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:49,657 I WAS GOING THROUGH THESE DR. FAUCI EMAILS. 206 00:08:49,657 --> 00:08:54,295 ONE GUY PESTERS HIM TO MAKE A VIDEO FOR HIS SON, 207 00:08:54,295 --> 00:08:58,199 CONGRATULATING HIS SON ON HIS WEBBY AWARD. 208 00:08:58,199 --> 00:08:59,500 THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF CRAZY IDEAS FOR CURES. 209 00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:00,701 ONE GUY ASKING HIM IF HE'D CONSIDERED HYDROGEN PEROXIDE TO 210 00:09:00,701 --> 00:09:02,870 STOP THE VIRUS. AS IF THAT HADN'T BEEN THOUGHT 211 00:09:02,870 --> 00:09:04,772 OF. A WOMAN ASKING IF SHE CAN GET COVID FROM JEWELRY SHE ORDERED 212 00:09:04,772 --> 00:09:09,510 FROM CHINA. THIS POOR DR. FAUCI. THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT 213 00:09:09,510 --> 00:09:13,147 HAPPENED WAS BRAD PITT PLAYED HIM ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." 214 00:09:13,147 --> 00:09:13,480 [ LAUGHTER ] 215 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,117 REALLY, OTHER THAN THAT. YOU KNOW, WE HAVE ‐‐ GUILLERMO 216 00:09:16,117 --> 00:09:17,151 AND I WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS JUST THIS AFTERNOON. 217 00:09:17,151 --> 00:09:21,055 WE'VE COME A LONG WAY SINCE THE DAYS WHEN WE WERE WIPING DOWN 218 00:09:21,055 --> 00:09:24,926 OUR PIZZAS WITH CLOROX BEFORE WE LET THEM IN THE HOUSE. 219 00:09:24,926 --> 00:09:26,794 AND WITH THAT SAID, IT'S TIME, ONCE AGAIN, TO TAKE A LOOK BACK 220 00:09:26,794 --> 00:09:34,168 AT THE GHOSTS OF PANDEMIC PAST, AS WE REVISIT THE HEADLINES FROM 221 00:09:34,168 --> 00:09:35,303 EXACTLY ONE YEAR AGO IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF "THIS WEEK 222 00:09:35,303 --> 00:09:38,372 IN COVID HISTORY." 223 00:09:38,372 --> 00:09:41,742 >> THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY, IT'S JUNE 2020 AND AMERICA 224 00:09:41,742 --> 00:09:42,510 DECLARES VICTORY. 225 00:09:42,510 --> 00:09:45,413 >> CONGRATULATIONS, AMERICA. THE COMEBACK BEGINS. 226 00:09:45,413 --> 00:09:48,816 >> YOU HEARD IT FROM THE Q‐TIP. EVEN SIN CITY IS LIGHTING BACK 227 00:09:48,816 --> 00:09:55,122 UP. VEGAS, BABY. 228 00:09:55,122 --> 00:10:01,829 AND IT WAS ALL THANKS TO DONNIE "BUILD THE WAHLBERGS" 229 00:10:01,829 --> 00:10:03,397 UNPRECEDENTED COVID CONTRIBUTIONS. 230 00:10:03,397 --> 00:10:07,435 LIKE MAKING SURE EVERYONE STAYED SAFE INSIDE THEIR HOMES. 231 00:10:07,435 --> 00:10:10,004 >> GET IN YOUR HOME NOW, LET'S GO! 232 00:10:10,004 --> 00:10:12,840 >> PROTECTING THE WHITE HOUSE WITH CORONA‐PROOF BARRICADES. 233 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:19,513 AND SHOWING US IT'S SAFE TO ONCE AGAIN WORSHIP. HIM. 234 00:10:19,513 --> 00:10:23,818 >> IN THAT MOMENT, HOLDING THE BIBLE UP IS A VERY IMPORTANT 235 00:10:23,818 --> 00:10:25,152 SYMBOL. LIKE CHURCHILL, WE SAW HIM 236 00:10:25,152 --> 00:10:28,789 INSPECTING THE BOMBING DAMAGE, IT SENT A POWERFUL MESSAGE OF 237 00:10:28,789 --> 00:10:29,123 LEADERSHIP. 238 00:10:29,123 --> 00:10:34,261 >> YES, AND ALL WINSTON CHURCHILL'S FRIED CHICKEN HAD TO 239 00:10:34,261 --> 00:10:36,364 DO WAS WISH AWAY SOME RABBLE‐ROUSERS. 240 00:10:36,364 --> 00:10:40,668 [ EXPLOSIONS ] 241 00:10:40,668 --> 00:10:43,904 SOME ARGUED THE PROTESTERS WERE PEACEFUL. 242 00:10:43,904 --> 00:10:46,874 TEAR GAS WAS USED AND IT WAS A PHOTO OP. 243 00:10:46,874 --> 00:10:51,479 >> THE PROTESTERS WERE PEACEFUL, NO TEAR GAS WAS USED, IT WAS A 244 00:10:51,479 --> 00:10:51,879 PHOTO OP. 245 00:10:51,879 --> 00:10:55,516 >> THAT SETTLES THAT BUT ONE DEMANDS ANSWERS. 246 00:10:55,516 --> 00:10:58,352 >> WHY DIDN'T YOU GO TO ST. JOHN'S YESTERDAY, WHAT WAS THE 247 00:10:58,352 --> 00:10:59,387 MESSAGE YOU WANTED TO SEND? 248 00:10:59,387 --> 00:11:01,422 >> RELIGIOUS LEADERS LOVED IT. 249 00:11:01,422 --> 00:11:04,225 >> TRUE, JUST ASK ANY RELIGIOUS LEADER. 250 00:11:04,225 --> 00:11:05,192 >> THE BIBLE IS NOT A PROP. 251 00:11:05,192 --> 00:11:07,695 >> IT MAKES A MOCKERY OF CHRISTIANITY. 252 00:11:07,695 --> 00:11:09,096 >> AN ACT THAT MOCKED GOD. 253 00:11:09,096 --> 00:11:13,367 >> YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT, MR. PRESIDENT, IT ISN'T COOL. 254 00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:16,737 >> AND NOBODY KNOWS COOL LIKE KID TURTLENECK. 255 00:11:16,737 --> 00:11:21,542 THIS JUST IN, A FOX NEWS POLL SHOWS BIDEN IS UP 14 POINTS. 256 00:11:21,542 --> 00:11:23,778 >> I KNOW ALL OF YOU ARE FREAKING ABOUT THE POLLS. 257 00:11:23,778 --> 00:11:26,714 THE EXPERTS SAY THAT BIDEN'S WAY AHEAD. 258 00:11:26,714 --> 00:11:30,184 IT'S HIS ELECTION TO LOSE. THE SO‐CALLED EXPERTS ARE JUST 259 00:11:30,184 --> 00:11:30,785 HORRIBLY WRONG. 260 00:11:30,785 --> 00:11:36,390 >> YES, TAKE FROM IT HER. SHE'S HORRIBLE AND WRONG. 261 00:11:36,390 --> 00:11:38,492 THIS HAS BEEN "THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY." 262 00:11:38,492 --> 00:11:40,494 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 263 00:11:40,494 --> 00:11:43,264 >> Jimmy: WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 264 00:11:43,264 --> 00:11:44,331 ROB RIGGLE IS HERE. WE HAVE MUSIC FROM WILLIE JONES. 265 00:11:44,331 --> 00:11:50,771 AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH RACHEL WEISZ. SO STICK AROUND! 266 00:11:55,342 --> 00:11:56,911 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 267 00:11:56,911 --> 00:12:01,015 ♪ 268 00:12:01,015 --> 00:12:04,952 >> Jimmy: HI, YOU GUYS, WELCOME BACK. 269 00:12:04,952 --> 00:12:10,191 TONIGHT, FROM THE SHOW "HOLEY MOLY," WHICH AIRS HERE ON ABC, 270 00:12:10,191 --> 00:12:12,726 ROB RIGGLE IS HERE. THEN LATER, ALL THE WAY FROM 271 00:12:12,726 --> 00:12:14,195 SHREVEPORT, LOUISIANA, HIS SONG IS CALLED "DOWN BY THE 272 00:12:14,195 --> 00:12:16,897 RIVERSIDE," MUSIC FROM WILLIE JONES. 273 00:12:16,897 --> 00:12:18,933 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 274 00:12:18,933 --> 00:12:21,702 TOMORROW NIGHT ‐‐ WHO'S GOING TO BE HERE TOMORROW? 275 00:12:21,702 --> 00:12:25,272 OH, MICHAEL CHE AND CILLIAN MURPHY WILL BE WITH US TOMORROW 276 00:12:25,272 --> 00:12:28,042 WITH MUSIC FROM THE LINDA LINDAS. AND FRIDAY, DJ KHALED, 277 00:12:28,042 --> 00:12:30,344 FLORENCE PUGH, AND MUSIC FROM FOUSHEE. 278 00:12:30,344 --> 00:12:31,512 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 279 00:12:31,512 --> 00:12:34,715 PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT. LOOKING AT THE LIST OF NAMES, 280 00:12:34,715 --> 00:12:37,318 THE BABY NAMES YOU DIDN'T DO WELL ON? 281 00:12:37,318 --> 00:12:37,785 >> Guillermo: YEAH. 282 00:12:37,785 --> 00:12:40,054 >> Jimmy: I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, AGAIN. 283 00:12:40,054 --> 00:12:40,387 [ LAUGHTER ] 284 00:12:40,387 --> 00:12:45,526 YOU KNOW, THERE WERE NO SHIRLEYS, NO BABIES NAMED 285 00:12:45,526 --> 00:12:48,262 SHIRLEY, ZERO BABIES NAMED SHIRLEY BORN THIS LAST YEAR. 286 00:12:48,262 --> 00:12:48,896 >> Guillermo: WOW, THAT'S CRAZY. 287 00:12:48,896 --> 00:12:55,035 [ LAUGHTER ] 288 00:12:55,035 --> 00:12:55,369 [ APPLAUSE ] 289 00:12:55,369 --> 00:12:55,936 >> Guillermo: I DON'T KNOW. 290 00:12:55,936 --> 00:12:59,507 >> Jimmy: THIS IS WHY THERE ARE NO BABIES NAMED GUILLERMO 291 00:12:59,507 --> 00:12:59,872 ANYMORE. 292 00:12:59,872 --> 00:13:00,407 >> Guillermo: I'M THE ONLY ONE. 293 00:13:00,407 --> 00:13:02,543 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN 294 00:13:02,543 --> 00:13:07,014 OSCAR WINNER WHO'S ABOUT TO LEAP INTO THE MARVEL CINEMATIC 295 00:13:07,014 --> 00:13:08,582 UNIVERSE. SHE PLAYS MELINA VOSTOKOFF IN 296 00:13:08,582 --> 00:13:13,721 "BLACK WIDOW." IT OPENS IN THEATERS AND DISNEY 297 00:13:13,721 --> 00:13:17,758 PLUS PREMIERE ACCESS JULY 9th. PLEASE WELCOME RACHEL WEISS. 298 00:13:17,758 --> 00:13:20,594 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 299 00:13:20,594 --> 00:13:22,763 HI, RACHEL, HOW ARE YOU? 300 00:13:22,763 --> 00:13:27,635 >> I'M VERY WELL. WE HAVE TO SAY MELINA'S SECOND 301 00:13:27,635 --> 00:13:28,135 NAME, THOUGH. 302 00:13:28,135 --> 00:13:28,869 >> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT? 303 00:13:28,869 --> 00:13:33,207 >> I THINK WE'RE PROHIBITED FROM SAYING MELINA'S SECOND NAME, 304 00:13:33,207 --> 00:13:36,577 IT'S A MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SECRET. 305 00:13:36,577 --> 00:13:39,313 >> Jimmy: IS IT A SECRET I JUST RUINED? 306 00:13:39,313 --> 00:13:39,680 >> I BELIEVE SO. 307 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:40,013 [ LAUGHTER ] 308 00:13:40,013 --> 00:13:41,515 >> Jimmy: OH, BOY. 309 00:13:41,515 --> 00:13:45,686 >> BUT ‐‐ OH, WELL. IT'S ALREADY OUT. 310 00:13:45,686 --> 00:13:48,656 >> Jimmy: I'M SUPPOSED TO PLAY CRAVEN THE HUNTER IN A MARVEL 311 00:13:48,656 --> 00:13:50,291 MOVIE COMING UP. 312 00:13:50,291 --> 00:13:50,691 [ APPLAUSE ] 313 00:13:50,691 --> 00:13:53,194 I HOPE THIS DOESN'T AFFECT THAT, I REALLY DON'T ‐‐ 314 00:13:53,194 --> 00:13:55,429 [ LAUGHTER ] 315 00:13:55,429 --> 00:13:58,499 >> DAVID HARBOUR WAS TRYING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT LAST NIGHT, 316 00:13:58,499 --> 00:14:00,434 YOU WERE QUITE SHY ABOUT IT. 317 00:14:00,434 --> 00:14:02,870 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT, YEAH. I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING. 318 00:14:02,870 --> 00:14:05,639 BUT I DIDN'T GET ANY BLOWBACK FROM THAT LAST NIGHT, SO I 319 00:14:05,639 --> 00:14:08,776 FIGURED IT WOULD BE OKAY TO SAY. PLUS I THINK SOME PEOPLE ALREADY 320 00:14:08,776 --> 00:14:11,445 KNOW. BUT IF YOU DON'T KNOW, I'M PLAYING CRAVEN THE HUNTER. 321 00:14:11,445 --> 00:14:13,914 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 322 00:14:13,914 --> 00:14:17,418 IN A FEW MOVIES FOR MARVEL, AND I'M PRETTY PSYCHED ABOUT IT. 323 00:14:17,418 --> 00:14:20,354 WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW, RACHEL? 324 00:14:20,354 --> 00:14:22,923 >> I AM IN MY BASEMENT. 325 00:14:22,923 --> 00:14:23,290 >> Jimmy: OH. 326 00:14:23,290 --> 00:14:26,727 >> NOT THE SUBBASEMENT, BUT THE BASEMENT WHERE I LIVE IN 327 00:14:26,727 --> 00:14:27,461 BROOKLYN, NEW YORK. 328 00:14:27,461 --> 00:14:31,832 >> Jimmy: WE DON'T REALLY HAVE BASEMENTS OUT HERE DID YOU KNOW 329 00:14:31,832 --> 00:14:32,197 THAT? 330 00:14:32,197 --> 00:14:32,933 >> IN LOS ANGELES? 331 00:14:32,933 --> 00:14:35,836 >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH. THERE ARE VERY FEW BASEMENTS. 332 00:14:35,836 --> 00:14:39,406 IN BROOKLYN, EVERYBODY HAS A BASEMENT. 333 00:14:39,406 --> 00:14:45,546 AND, LIKE YOU KNOW, I GREW UP IN BROOKLYN. WE HAD A BASEMENT. 334 00:14:45,546 --> 00:14:46,714 AND IT WAS DISGUSTING. I'M SURE YOURS IS PROBABLY MUCH, 335 00:14:46,714 --> 00:14:47,314 MUCH NICER THAN OUR BASEMENT. 336 00:14:47,314 --> 00:14:49,450 [ LAUGHTER ] 337 00:14:49,450 --> 00:14:53,320 >> IT WAS RECENTLY PAINTED. AND IT'S BEEN ‐‐ IT'S NOT DIRTY, 338 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,656 IT'S NOT COBWEBBY. YEAH, IT'S A PRETTY GOOD 339 00:14:55,656 --> 00:14:55,989 BASEMENT. 340 00:14:55,989 --> 00:14:58,859 >> Jimmy: AND YOU GET WI‐FI DOWN THERE? WHICH IS REALLY ALL THAT 341 00:14:58,859 --> 00:14:59,192 MATTERS. 342 00:14:59,192 --> 00:15:04,932 >> YEAH, IT'S A LITTLE DODGY, I HAD TO TAKE OUT MY EARPIECE. 343 00:15:04,932 --> 00:15:08,669 I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE LOGGED ON TO SOMEBODY ELSE'S WI‐FI NEXT 344 00:15:08,669 --> 00:15:09,002 DOOR. 345 00:15:09,002 --> 00:15:09,503 [ LAUGHTER ] 346 00:15:09,503 --> 00:15:12,239 >> Jimmy: THAT'S THE NICE THING ABOUT BROOKLYN, YOU'RE SO CLOSE 347 00:15:12,239 --> 00:15:15,309 TOGETHER, YOU CAN SHARE WI‐FI WITH SIX FAMILIES WHO ARE 348 00:15:15,309 --> 00:15:18,178 PROBABLY DOING THEIR OWN MOVIE PROMOTION RIGHT NOW FOR THEIR 349 00:15:18,178 --> 00:15:19,246 OWN MOVIES. 350 00:15:19,246 --> 00:15:19,579 [ LAUGHTER ] 351 00:15:19,579 --> 00:15:23,484 DO YOU LIKE DOING ‐‐ BEING ABLE TO DO THIS THIS WAY? 352 00:15:23,484 --> 00:15:24,785 BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU'D HAVE TO BE FLYING ALL OVER THE WORLD, 353 00:15:24,785 --> 00:15:26,887 RIGHT? 354 00:15:26,887 --> 00:15:31,525 >> YEAH, THIS IS ACTUALLY MY FIRST TIME DOING THIS. 355 00:15:31,525 --> 00:15:31,925 >> Jimmy: RIGHT. 356 00:15:31,925 --> 00:15:35,462 >> I MEAN, LIKE A ‐‐ LIKE WE'RE DOING NOW. SO SO FAR, SO GOOD. 357 00:15:35,462 --> 00:15:40,334 I'M REALLY LIKING IT. I IN GENERAL ZOOM DURING THE 358 00:15:40,334 --> 00:15:40,667 PANDEMIC. 359 00:15:40,667 --> 00:15:41,268 >> Jimmy: YEAH? 360 00:15:41,268 --> 00:15:44,138 >> I REALLY ENJOY DOING MEETINGS ON ZOOM. 361 00:15:44,138 --> 00:15:47,107 OBVIOUSLY I WISH THE PANDEMIC HADN'T HAPPENED AND THAT WE 362 00:15:47,107 --> 00:15:49,810 DIDN'T HAVE TO BE DOING ZOOM ALL THE TIME. 363 00:15:49,810 --> 00:15:53,547 BUT I THINK THERE'S AN UPSIDE. I THINK YOU FEEL THE OTHER 364 00:15:53,547 --> 00:15:56,617 PERSON THERE, THAT YOU CAN BE IN 10 DIFFERENT TIME ZONES, PEOPLE 365 00:15:56,617 --> 00:15:59,253 IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES ALL MEET TOGETHER. 366 00:15:59,253 --> 00:16:00,854 I REALLY ENJOY ZOOM, I LIKE IT. 367 00:16:00,854 --> 00:16:03,390 >> Jimmy: YEAH, WELL, I MEAN, YOU'VE JUST DONE A BEAUTIFUL 368 00:16:03,390 --> 00:16:03,957 LITTLE COMMERCIAL FOR THEM. 369 00:16:03,957 --> 00:16:07,227 [ LAUGHTER ] 370 00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:11,365 BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. ALSO, YOU HAVE A BABY AT HOME, 371 00:16:11,365 --> 00:16:12,333 RIGHT? YOU'VE GOT LIKE A TODDLER AT 372 00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:13,600 HOME. SO THAT MUST BE ‐‐ IT'S ALMOST 373 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,537 LIKE YOU'VE GOT A REALLY LONG MATERNITY LEAVE OR SOMETHING, 374 00:16:16,537 --> 00:16:18,172 RIGHT? 375 00:16:18,172 --> 00:16:21,942 >> YEAH, YEAH, SHE'S NEARLY 3. YEAH, I THINK SHE DOESN'T 376 00:16:21,942 --> 00:16:25,045 REALIZE THAT ‐‐ I MEAN, I HAVEN'T REALLY GONE ANYWHERE FOR 377 00:16:25,045 --> 00:16:27,481 A VERY LONG TIME. SO IT'S GOING TO BE A LITTLE 378 00:16:27,481 --> 00:16:30,284 SHOCKING WHEN I FINALLY LEAVE THE HOUSE. 379 00:16:30,284 --> 00:16:32,186 >> Jimmy: ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE THE HOUSE? 380 00:16:32,186 --> 00:16:34,021 IS THAT PART OF THE PLAN? 381 00:16:34,021 --> 00:16:39,793 >> YES. AUGUST. LEAVING. I'M GOING OUT. 382 00:16:39,793 --> 00:16:42,396 JUST GOING TO GET OUT THERE, SEE WHAT'S GOING ON. 383 00:16:42,396 --> 00:16:42,729 [ APPLAUSE ] 384 00:16:42,729 --> 00:16:45,766 >> I I KNOW WITH OUR KIDS WHEN WE CAME BACK TO THE STUDIO, 385 00:16:45,766 --> 00:16:48,168 THEY'RE LIKE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 386 00:16:48,168 --> 00:16:48,502 [ LAUGHTER ] 387 00:16:48,502 --> 00:16:50,871 WE'RE LIKE, WE'RE GOING TO WORK. THEY'RE SO YOUNG, THEY DON'T 388 00:16:50,871 --> 00:16:52,840 EVEN REMEMBER THAT WE USED TO GO TO WORK. 389 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,108 THEN THEY WERE JUST MAD THAT WE WERE GOING TO WORK. 390 00:16:54,108 --> 00:16:55,576 [ LAUGHTER ] 391 00:16:55,576 --> 00:16:57,945 >> HOW OLD ARE YOURS? 392 00:16:57,945 --> 00:16:59,580 >> Jimmy: WE DON'T KNOW, THEY'RE RESCUES. 393 00:16:59,580 --> 00:17:00,514 [ LAUGHTER ] 394 00:17:00,514 --> 00:17:05,419 [ APPLAUSE ] 395 00:17:05,419 --> 00:17:10,691 WE HAVE A 4‐YEAR‐OLD BOY AND AN ALMOST 7‐YEAR‐OLD GIRL. 396 00:17:10,691 --> 00:17:14,194 I SAY ALMOST 7 BECAUSE SHE WOULD SAY SHE'S ALMOST 7, YOU CAN'T 397 00:17:14,194 --> 00:17:16,730 SAY SHE'S 6, SHE'S VERY FOCUSE ON THAT. 398 00:17:16,730 --> 00:17:20,167 BUT LISTEN, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT YOU, SO I'M SORRY I'M 399 00:17:20,167 --> 00:17:22,136 TALKING ABOUT MYSELF. OH, BY THE WAY, YOUR HUSBAND, 400 00:17:22,136 --> 00:17:27,040 WHO HAS BEEN HERE A FEW TIMES, IS A LOVELY MAN, HIS MOVIE, 401 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:31,945 CORRECT ME IF I HAVE ANY OF THIS WRONG, HIS MOVIE, THE BOND M 402 00:17:31,945 --> 00:17:34,815 MOVIE, THE NEW ONE, WAS SUPPOSED TO COME OUT LAST APRIL. 403 00:17:34,815 --> 00:17:38,986 "BLACK WIDOW," YOUR MOVIE, WAS SUPPOSED TO COME OUT THE NEXT 404 00:17:38,986 --> 00:17:41,522 MONTH IN MAY. NOW YOU ARE OUT IN FRONT OF HIM 405 00:17:41,522 --> 00:17:44,258 AND HE'S TRAILING YOU BY MONTHS I THINK, RIGHT? 406 00:17:44,258 --> 00:17:46,894 >> YES, YES. THE BOND WILL COME OUT LATER IN 407 00:17:46,894 --> 00:17:47,494 THE YEAR, YES. 408 00:17:47,494 --> 00:17:51,899 >> Jimmy: WAS THERE ANY CONCERN ‐‐ YOU MIGHT GET 409 00:17:51,899 --> 00:17:53,033 RELEASED ON THE SAME WEEKEND? 410 00:17:53,033 --> 00:17:57,404 >> WELL, I THINK PROBABLY NO ONE WOULD HAVE WANTED THAT TO 411 00:17:57,404 --> 00:17:57,737 HAPPEN. 412 00:17:57,737 --> 00:17:58,105 >> Jimmy: RIGHT. 413 00:17:58,105 --> 00:18:01,608 >> AND THINGS HAVE BEEN MOVED A FEW TIMES NOW. 414 00:18:01,608 --> 00:18:04,077 I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER ALL THE DIFFERENT TIMES IT'S BEEN MOVED 415 00:18:04,077 --> 00:18:05,712 FROM. BUT THERE WAS A KIND OF ‐‐ LIKE 416 00:18:05,712 --> 00:18:10,684 A ‐‐ WELL, IT FELT LIKE A VERY SECRET KIND OF SUMMIT MEETING 417 00:18:10,684 --> 00:18:14,021 WITH SCARLET, FLORENCE, DAVE, AND KATE, THE DIRECTOR, AND 418 00:18:14,021 --> 00:18:19,827 FEIGE, WHAT A GREAT MAN, WHO LED THE MEETING. 419 00:18:19,827 --> 00:18:22,896 WE DID IT NOT ON ZOOM, WE DID IT ON ANOTHER, MORE SECRET ‐‐ I'M 420 00:18:22,896 --> 00:18:27,301 NOT GOING TO DO A COMMERCIAL FOR ANOTHER ONE ‐‐ 421 00:18:27,301 --> 00:18:27,634 [ LAUGHTER ] 422 00:18:27,634 --> 00:18:31,705 WE HAD THE SECRET MEETING, AND I WAS IN THE KITCHEN, THEY WERE 423 00:18:31,705 --> 00:18:34,875 STRATEGIZING ABOUT WHEN THE "BLACK WIDOW" WAS GOING TO COME 424 00:18:34,875 --> 00:18:36,410 OUT. KEVIN WAS TALKING ABOUT, WELL, 425 00:18:36,410 --> 00:18:41,482 YOU KNOW, THE OTHER MOVIE COMING OUT IS THE BOND MOVIE. 426 00:18:41,482 --> 00:18:46,553 THEY WERE DISCUSSING IT. I HAVEN'T ASKED KEVIN, MAYBE HE 427 00:18:46,553 --> 00:18:49,923 DOESN'T KNOW THAT I'M MARRIED TO DANIEL? 428 00:18:49,923 --> 00:18:50,591 [ LAUGHTER ] 429 00:18:50,591 --> 00:18:53,627 AT THAT MOMENT, BOND, THIS, THAT, AND THE OTHER. 430 00:18:53,627 --> 00:18:55,195 DANIEL IS WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS TO THE KITCHEN. 431 00:18:55,195 --> 00:18:58,532 I WANTED TO TURN THE SCREEN AROUND AND GO, "HE'S RIGHT HERE, 432 00:18:58,532 --> 00:18:59,666 YOU CAN ASK HIM." 433 00:18:59,666 --> 00:19:00,000 [ LAUGHTER ] 434 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,702 I DIDN'T, I FELT KIND OF SHY. I INTRODUCED MY CAT INSTEAD. 435 00:19:01,702 --> 00:19:03,804 [ LAUGHTER ] 436 00:19:03,804 --> 00:19:06,173 >> Jimmy: THAT'S THE THING ABOUT JAMES BOND, YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN 437 00:19:06,173 --> 00:19:07,274 HE'S COMING. 438 00:19:07,274 --> 00:19:07,607 [ LAUGHTER ] 439 00:19:07,607 --> 00:19:12,379 HE'LL SUDDENLY SNEAK RIGHT UP ON YOU. SO YOU BOTH SHOT IN LONDON, 440 00:19:12,379 --> 00:19:14,047 RIGHT? THEY SHOOT ALL THE BOND MOVIES 441 00:19:14,047 --> 00:19:17,217 IN LONDON. I KNOW YOU SHOT THIS ‐‐ DID YOU 442 00:19:17,217 --> 00:19:19,987 SHOOT AT THE SAME TIME IN LONDON? 443 00:19:19,987 --> 00:19:23,223 >> YES. SAME PLACE, SAME TIME. 444 00:19:23,223 --> 00:19:28,362 SUMNER LONDON. YES. PINEWOOD STUDIOS. 445 00:19:28,362 --> 00:19:29,429 WE WERE BOTH THERE AT THE SAME TIME. 446 00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:32,032 >> Jimmy: THAT'S NICE, YEAH. DO YOU DRIVE TO WORK TOGETHER IN 447 00:19:32,032 --> 00:19:33,433 THE ASTON MARTIN IN THE JAMES BOND CAR? 448 00:19:33,433 --> 00:19:34,968 [ LAUGHTER ] 449 00:19:34,968 --> 00:19:38,972 >> NO, WE DO NOT, NO. HE RUNS A LITTLE EARLY, I RUN A 450 00:19:38,972 --> 00:19:42,009 LITTLE LATE. SO IT WOULD BE VERY BAD FOR OUR 451 00:19:42,009 --> 00:19:43,844 MARRIAGE IF WE TRIED, YEAH. 452 00:19:43,844 --> 00:19:49,316 >> Jimmy: DID YOU SHOOT "THE BLACK WIDOW" IN OTHER LOCATIONS? 453 00:19:49,316 --> 00:19:51,885 WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT 454 00:19:51,885 --> 00:19:56,123 GOES ON IN IT, OTHER THAN A COUPLE OF CLIPS I'VE SEEN IN THE 455 00:19:56,123 --> 00:19:56,456 TRAILER. 456 00:19:56,456 --> 00:20:01,762 >> THEY WENT TO HUNGARY, BUDAPEST, AND ‐‐ I THINK THEY 457 00:20:01,762 --> 00:20:07,935 WENT TO A FEW DIFFERENT PLACES. I WAS JUST ‐‐ I WAS JUST LONDON, 458 00:20:07,935 --> 00:20:12,573 PINEWOOD, AND SOME PLACES IN THE COUNTRYSIDE THAT WERE MEANT TO 459 00:20:12,573 --> 00:20:14,708 BE ‐‐ WELL ‐‐ 460 00:20:14,708 --> 00:20:15,475 >> Jimmy: I SEE. 461 00:20:15,475 --> 00:20:15,876 >> RUSSIA. 462 00:20:15,876 --> 00:20:18,011 >> Jimmy: WERE YOU HAPPY THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO OR DID YOU 463 00:20:18,011 --> 00:20:21,114 FEEL LEFT OUT OF THE GROUP? 464 00:20:21,114 --> 00:20:24,918 >> NO, I WAS FINE, IT WAS GREAT. I GOT TO BE ‐‐ THAT'S WHERE I'M 465 00:20:24,918 --> 00:20:28,855 FROM, LONDON, SO I WAS IN MY HOMETOWN, I COULD SEE MY BUDDIES 466 00:20:28,855 --> 00:20:31,525 I GREW UP WITH. I HAD A GREAT SUMMER. 467 00:20:31,525 --> 00:20:34,928 IT WAS AN INCREDIBLE SHOOT, I REALLY ENJOYED IT. 468 00:20:34,928 --> 00:20:37,664 IT WAS GOOD TO BE BACK IN OLD BLIGHTY. 469 00:20:37,664 --> 00:20:40,334 >> Jimmy: WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE GOING TO SEE A CLIP FROM 470 00:20:40,334 --> 00:20:44,004 "BLACK WIDOW," THE HIGHLY ANTICIPATED NEW MARVEL MOVIE. 471 00:20:44,004 --> 00:20:50,043 RACHEL WEISZ IS WITH US. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 472 00:20:50,043 --> 00:20:52,446 >> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT TO YOU 473 00:20:52,446 --> 00:20:54,615 BY ADT. AMERICA'S MOST TRUSTED SMARTHOME 474 00:20:54,615 --> 00:20:56,225 SECURITY BRAND. 475 00:20:58,811 --> 00:21:06,719 >>> FAMILY. BACK TOGETHER AGAIN. 476 00:21:06,719 --> 00:21:09,622 >> YES, THE FAMILY CONSTRUCT WAS JUST A CALCULATED RUSE THAT ONLY 477 00:21:09,622 --> 00:21:13,692 LASTED THREE YEARS. I DON'T THINK THAT WE CAN USE 478 00:21:13,692 --> 00:21:15,828 THIS TERM ANYMORE, CAN WE? 479 00:21:15,828 --> 00:21:17,630 >> OH, GREAT. SO HERE'S WHAT'S GOING TO 480 00:21:17,630 --> 00:21:17,963 HAPPEN ‐‐ 481 00:21:17,963 --> 00:21:23,002 >> OKAY, A REUNION, THEN. AND I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING 482 00:21:23,002 --> 00:21:26,605 RIGHT OFF THE BAT. YOU HAVEN'T AGED A DAY. 483 00:21:26,605 --> 00:21:34,046 YOU ARE JUST AS BEAUTIFUL AND AS SUPPLE AS THE DAY THEY SAMED OUR 484 00:21:34,046 --> 00:21:34,980 MARRIAGE. 485 00:21:34,980 --> 00:21:39,885 >> YOU'RE GOOD FAT. BUT STILL GOOD. 486 00:21:39,885 --> 00:21:40,386 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 487 00:21:40,386 --> 00:21:42,955 >> Jimmy: THAT IS RACHEL WEISZ, DAVID HARBOUR, AND THE WHOLE 488 00:21:42,955 --> 00:21:46,792 FAMILY IN "BLACK WIDOW." WHICH, YOU KNOW, ONE THING IT 489 00:21:46,792 --> 00:21:51,997 DOES SEEM THAT YOU AND DAVID HARBOUR'S CHARACTER SEEM TO HAVE 490 00:21:51,997 --> 00:21:52,631 A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP, I GUESS. 491 00:21:52,631 --> 00:21:55,601 [ LAUGHTER ] 492 00:21:55,601 --> 00:21:59,638 IS THAT SOMETHING YOU CAN SAY? 493 00:21:59,638 --> 00:22:04,810 >> ABSOLUTELY, I CAN ABSOLUTELY SAY THAT, YEAH. 494 00:22:04,810 --> 00:22:08,814 WE ARE VERY, VERY ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER, WE HAVEN'T SEEN EACH 495 00:22:08,814 --> 00:22:11,517 OTHER FOR MANY YEARS WHEN WE SIT DOWN AND HAVE THAT MEAL. 496 00:22:11,517 --> 00:22:16,755 HE'S DEFINITELY GAINED SOME WEIGHT SINCE I LAST SAW HIM, BUT 497 00:22:16,755 --> 00:22:18,958 MELINA, SHE'LL TAKE HIM ANY WHICH WAY. 498 00:22:18,958 --> 00:22:19,592 IT'S HOT, A VERY HOT CONNECTION. 499 00:22:19,592 --> 00:22:21,861 [ LAUGHTER ] 500 00:22:21,861 --> 00:22:27,700 >> Jimmy: DAVID LAST NIGHT SAID THAT WHEN THE PRODUCERS TOLD ‐‐ 501 00:22:27,700 --> 00:22:30,035 >> HE'S MARRIED HE SAID LAST NIGHT, I DIDN'T KNOW HE'S 502 00:22:30,035 --> 00:22:30,368 MARRIED. 503 00:22:30,368 --> 00:22:32,705 >> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT? YOU GUYS MUST BE CLOSE. 504 00:22:32,705 --> 00:22:33,038 [ LAUGHTER ] 505 00:22:33,038 --> 00:22:35,040 >> YEAH, WE'RE TIGHT. 506 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:38,310 >> Jimmy: HE SEEMS LIKE A GREAT GUY, DAVID HARBOUR. 507 00:22:38,310 --> 00:22:38,944 HE'S NO DANIEL CRAIG, OBVIOUSLY. 508 00:22:38,944 --> 00:22:43,415 [ LAUGHTER ] 509 00:22:43,415 --> 00:22:47,520 >> HE'S AMAZING. HE'S AMAZING AND WE HAD SUCH FUN. 510 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,456 HE IMPROVISES, HE'S A WILD GUY. 511 00:22:50,456 --> 00:22:53,325 >> Jimmy: HE'S ONE OF THOSE GUYS THAT YOU'RE ON THE SET WITH, YOU 512 00:22:53,325 --> 00:22:55,861 HAVE A GREAT TIME WITH HIM, GOING BACK AND FORTH, THEN YOU 513 00:22:55,861 --> 00:22:56,462 NEVER REACH OUT TO HIM AGAIN. 514 00:22:56,462 --> 00:22:59,298 [ LAUGHTER ] 515 00:22:59,298 --> 00:23:01,133 >> WE HAVE TEXTED BACK AND FORTH. 516 00:23:01,133 --> 00:23:04,703 BECAUSE HE'S MOVED TO BROOKLYN. HE WAS ASKING ABOUT PLACES FOR 517 00:23:04,703 --> 00:23:11,010 THE KIDS, THE STEPCHILDREN. I DON'T KNOW, I MISSED THE VEGAS 518 00:23:11,010 --> 00:23:11,375 WEDDING. 519 00:23:11,375 --> 00:23:14,213 >> Jimmy: YEAH, THERE WAS A BIG VEGAS WEDDING, OR A SMALL VEGAS 520 00:23:14,213 --> 00:23:16,315 WEDDING, JUST HIM, HIS WIFE, AND ELVIS. 521 00:23:16,315 --> 00:23:16,648 [ LAUGHTER ] 522 00:23:16,648 --> 00:23:20,586 YOU CANNOT ‐‐ IS THERE A LIST OF THINGS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN 523 00:23:20,586 --> 00:23:23,022 THAT TELL YOU WHAT TO SAY, WHAT NOT TO SAY, ABOUT THE FILM? 524 00:23:23,022 --> 00:23:26,325 WHAT ARE THE RULES? 525 00:23:26,325 --> 00:23:31,030 >> YES. THERE IS A LIST. I ‐‐ I DON'T ‐‐ I LOST IT. 526 00:23:31,030 --> 00:23:36,101 [ LAUGHTER ] 527 00:23:36,101 --> 00:23:40,940 ONE THING I DO REMEMBER, DO NOT SAY ‐‐ I MEAN, I KNOW THE BIG 528 00:23:40,940 --> 00:23:44,210 SPOILERS, WHICH I'M OBVIOUSLY NOT GOING TO SAY. 529 00:23:44,210 --> 00:23:48,047 BUT THAT MY ‐‐ YEAH, MY CHARACTER'S SECOND NAME IS ‐‐ 530 00:23:48,047 --> 00:23:49,915 >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH. WELL, NO. 531 00:23:49,915 --> 00:23:52,885 WE FOUND THAT ‐‐ THAT'S OUT THERE, THAT'S PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE 532 00:23:52,885 --> 00:23:55,721 NOW. SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP ‐‐ MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE 533 00:23:55,721 --> 00:23:56,822 KEPT THE LIST I THINK WHAT IS I'M TRYING TO SAY. 534 00:23:56,822 --> 00:23:58,290 [ LAUGHTER ] 535 00:23:58,290 --> 00:23:59,858 >> I'M GOING TO HAVE A DRINK. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE RIGHT. 536 00:23:59,858 --> 00:24:00,426 [ LAUGHTER ] 537 00:24:00,426 --> 00:24:04,430 >> Jimmy: YES. SO WHAT CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT 538 00:24:04,430 --> 00:24:09,468 THE CHARACTER THAT YOU PLAY? 539 00:24:09,468 --> 00:24:14,707 >> WELL, SHE IS A BLACK WIDOW. SHE'S BEEN TRAINED AS A BLACK 540 00:24:14,707 --> 00:24:19,778 WIDOW SPY. SHE'S HIGHLY SKILL ED SPY. 541 00:24:19,778 --> 00:24:27,486 AND SCIENTIST. SHE RUNS A ‐‐ KIND OF A ‐‐ WELL, 542 00:24:27,486 --> 00:24:31,323 A PIG FARM. AND THAT'S WHERE THE FAMILY MET 543 00:24:31,323 --> 00:24:35,894 ME AT MY SCIENTIFIC LAB, WHERE I KEEP PIGS WHICH I EXPERIMENT ON. 544 00:24:35,894 --> 00:24:36,328 >> Jimmy: OH. 545 00:24:36,328 --> 00:24:36,895 >> YEAH. 546 00:24:36,895 --> 00:24:42,201 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE A PIG‐FARMING SPY‐INTIST. 547 00:24:42,201 --> 00:24:42,534 [ LAUGHTER ] 548 00:24:42,534 --> 00:24:44,270 THAT'S ALL YOU CAN SAY? 549 00:24:44,270 --> 00:24:46,872 >> YES. AND A BLACK WIDOW, HIGHLY 550 00:24:46,872 --> 00:24:51,477 SKILLED, HIGHLY TRAINED IN COMBAT, FLUENT IN 25 LANGUAGES. 551 00:24:51,477 --> 00:24:54,647 >> Jimmy: 25 LANGUAGES? I WONDER IF THERE'S ANYONE 552 00:24:54,647 --> 00:24:57,416 THAT'S EVER ‐‐ NO ONE SPEAKS 25 LANGUAGES, RIGHT? 553 00:24:57,416 --> 00:25:02,721 >> APART FROM MELINA, WHOSE SECOND NAME I WON'T SAY, YES. 554 00:25:02,721 --> 00:25:03,055 [ LAUGHTER ] 555 00:25:03,055 --> 00:25:07,459 >> Jimmy: YOU MEAN ‐‐ NO, YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT TRUMP'S WIFE? 556 00:25:07,459 --> 00:25:07,793 [ LAUGHTER ] 557 00:25:07,793 --> 00:25:08,961 NO, THAT'S MELANIA. 558 00:25:08,961 --> 00:25:09,995 >> YEAH, YEAH. 559 00:25:09,995 --> 00:25:14,933 >> Jimmy: NOW DAVID WAS SAYING THAT HE HAD A REAL DISPUTE WITH 560 00:25:14,933 --> 00:25:18,404 THE PRODUCERS OF THE FILM BECAUSE HE FELT THAT HIS 561 00:25:18,404 --> 00:25:22,474 CHARACTER SHOULD BE SPEAKING RUSSIAN AND NOT JUST ENGLISH 562 00:25:22,474 --> 00:25:26,245 WITH A RUSSIAN ACCENT. WHERE DID YOU COME DOWN ON THAT? 563 00:25:26,245 --> 00:25:32,084 >> YOU KNOW, I APPLAUD DAVID'S COMMITMENT TO REALISM. 564 00:25:32,084 --> 00:25:32,417 [ LAUGHTER ] 565 00:25:32,417 --> 00:25:34,019 THE FACT THAT HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE MORE REALISTIC. 566 00:25:34,019 --> 00:25:40,859 BUT, YOU KNOW. IT'S ‐‐ IT'S A KIND OF ‐‐ I'LL 567 00:25:40,859 --> 00:25:45,731 POLITELY SAY KIND OF LIKE A FAN DECEMBER FILM. 568 00:25:45,731 --> 00:25:49,768 SO THERE'S LOTS OF CRAZY, ED YOU LANDISH THING. 569 00:25:49,768 --> 00:25:52,805 SO I WAS HAPPY TO BE SPEAKING ‐‐ WE DON'T SPEAK RUSSIAN WHAT IS 570 00:25:52,805 --> 00:25:53,939 HE TALKING ABOUT? 571 00:25:53,939 --> 00:25:54,272 [ LAUGHTER ] 572 00:25:54,272 --> 00:25:56,942 IF I HAD TO SPEAK RUSSIAN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ‐‐ YEAH. 573 00:25:56,942 --> 00:25:59,945 I KNOW WHERE HE'S COMING FROM AS AN ACTOR, BUT YEAH, OUR RUSSIAN 574 00:25:59,945 --> 00:26:02,281 IS TOO POOR. 575 00:26:02,281 --> 00:26:02,614 [ LAUGHTER ] 576 00:26:02,614 --> 00:26:03,649 >> Jimmy: I GET IT. I'M UNDERSTANDING WHY YOU CUT 577 00:26:03,649 --> 00:26:05,918 HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE, I REALLY AM. 578 00:26:05,918 --> 00:26:07,019 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 579 00:26:07,019 --> 00:26:10,122 >> Jimmy: I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT, "BLACK WIDOW" OPENS IN 580 00:26:10,122 --> 00:26:15,561 THEATERS AND DISNEY PLUS PREMIER ACCESS JULY 9th, THANK YOU VERY 581 00:26:15,561 --> 00:26:17,051 MUCH, RACHEL WEISZ. BE RIGHT BACK WITH ROB RIGGLE! 582 00:26:22,253 --> 00:26:22,753 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 583 00:26:22,753 --> 00:26:26,251 ♪ 584 00:26:26,251 --> 00:26:28,281 >> Jimmy: MUSIC FROM WILLIE JONES IS ON THE WAY. 585 00:26:28,281 --> 00:26:30,016 OUR NEXT GUEST IS AN EMMY‐NOMINATED ACTOR AND 586 00:26:30,016 --> 00:26:32,085 COMEDIAN AND LIEUTENANT COLONEL IN THE UNITED STATES 587 00:26:32,085 --> 00:26:33,519 MARINE CORPS, WHO NOW FACES THE GREATEST CHALLENGE OF HIS LIFE, 588 00:26:33,519 --> 00:26:40,560 MINI GOLF COMMENTATOR. SEASON THREE OF "HOLEY MOLEY" 589 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:45,031 PREMIERES JUNE 17th HERE ON ABC. PLEASE WELCOME ROB RIGGLE. 590 00:26:45,031 --> 00:26:48,768 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 591 00:26:48,768 --> 00:26:59,479 ♪ 592 00:26:59,479 --> 00:27:02,015 >> Jimmy: NO, I'M NOT REALLY SUPPOSED TO SHAKE YOUR HAND BUT 593 00:27:02,015 --> 00:27:04,684 I HAVEN'T SEEN COW IN A LONG TIME. 594 00:27:04,684 --> 00:27:05,418 >> I KNOW. 595 00:27:05,418 --> 00:27:07,053 >> Jimmy: I COULDN'T RESIST. HOW ARE YOU DOING? 596 00:27:07,053 --> 00:27:07,654 >> I'M DOING WELL. 597 00:27:07,654 --> 00:27:09,455 >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK VERY HANDSOME. 598 00:27:09,455 --> 00:27:10,990 >> BOY, RIGHT BACK ATCHA. 599 00:27:10,990 --> 00:27:13,393 >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK VERY TAN, YOU WERE IN HAWAII? 600 00:27:13,393 --> 00:27:14,627 >> I WAS IN HAWAII. 601 00:27:14,627 --> 00:27:15,828 >> Jimmy: TELL EVERYONE WHAT YOU WERE DOING IN HAWAII. 602 00:27:15,828 --> 00:27:16,329 >> I DON'T MIND IF I DO. 603 00:27:16,329 --> 00:27:18,131 [ LAUGHTER ] 604 00:27:18,131 --> 00:27:21,501 I WAS PLAYING GOLF WITH MR. PATRICK MAHOMES. 605 00:27:21,501 --> 00:27:22,869 MAYBE YOU HEARD OF HIM? 606 00:27:22,869 --> 00:27:23,336 [ LAUGHTER ] 607 00:27:23,336 --> 00:27:24,704 >> Jimmy: THE QUARTERBACK FOR THE KANSAS CITY CHIEFS? 608 00:27:24,704 --> 00:27:26,806 >> YES, YES. 609 00:27:26,806 --> 00:27:27,139 [ APPLAUSE ] 610 00:27:27,139 --> 00:27:29,475 >> Jimmy: IF WE WERE IN KANSAS CITY RIGHT NOW, THOUGH, THE 611 00:27:29,475 --> 00:27:33,613 SMALL GROUP ASSEMBLED HERE WOULD HAVE GONE BANANAS FOR HIM. 612 00:27:33,613 --> 00:27:35,882 >> HE'S UNIVERSALLY LOVED, IT'S A GLOBAL THING. 613 00:27:35,882 --> 00:27:37,884 >> Jimmy: HE IS FAIRLY UNIVERSALLY LOVED. 614 00:27:37,884 --> 00:27:38,384 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 615 00:27:38,384 --> 00:27:41,254 >> YEAH, YEAH. HE HAD THIS INAUGURAL CHARITY 616 00:27:41,254 --> 00:27:46,926 EVENT THAT HE WAS DOING FOR THE 15 AND THE MAY HOMIES 617 00:27:46,926 --> 00:27:49,429 FOUNDATION, HIS FOUNDATION. ASKED ME TO BE PART OF IT. 618 00:27:49,429 --> 00:27:52,598 HE'S BEEN A BIG SUPPORTER OF A CHARITY EVENT I DO IN KANSAS 619 00:27:52,598 --> 00:27:56,069 CITY. SO LOOK, I JUST ‐‐ I LOVE THE 620 00:27:56,069 --> 00:27:57,036 GUY. THE CHANCE TO GO TO HAWAII TO 621 00:27:57,036 --> 00:27:59,038 PLAY GOLF AND HANG WITH PATRICK MAHOMES. 622 00:27:59,038 --> 00:28:00,306 >> Jimmy: DID YOU ACTUALLY PLAY WITH HIM? 623 00:28:00,306 --> 00:28:02,342 >> WE DID A PRACTICE ROUND TOGETHER. 624 00:28:02,342 --> 00:28:02,742 >> Jimmy: OKAY. 625 00:28:02,742 --> 00:28:07,714 >> I GOT TO PLAY WITH HIM AND TRAVIS KELCE, KYLE LONG, 626 00:28:07,714 --> 00:28:10,083 PATRICK'S DAD, PAT, ALSO A MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYER. 627 00:28:10,083 --> 00:28:12,118 A LOT OF ATHLETES AND ONE IDIOT. 628 00:28:12,118 --> 00:28:12,451 [ LAUGHTER ] 629 00:28:12,451 --> 00:28:13,453 A LOT OF FUN. 630 00:28:13,453 --> 00:28:17,457 >> Jimmy: HOW DID YOU DO, DID YOU WIN? 631 00:28:17,457 --> 00:28:17,790 >> I DID NOT. 632 00:28:17,790 --> 00:28:18,758 >> Jimmy: WHO WON? 633 00:28:18,758 --> 00:28:19,625 >> PAT WON. 634 00:28:19,625 --> 00:28:21,260 >> Jimmy: WHICH PAT, DAD PAT? 635 00:28:21,260 --> 00:28:22,929 >> THAT'S RIGHT. BIG PAT IS PAT. 636 00:28:22,929 --> 00:28:23,763 PATRICK IS PATRICK. 637 00:28:23,763 --> 00:28:24,530 >> Jimmy: OKAY, YEAH. 638 00:28:24,530 --> 00:28:25,131 >> MAKE SENSE? 639 00:28:25,131 --> 00:28:26,833 >> Jimmy: YEAH, SURE, YEAH. 640 00:28:26,833 --> 00:28:27,166 [ LAUGHTER ] 641 00:28:27,166 --> 00:28:28,868 MY DAD'S JIM. YEAH. 642 00:28:28,868 --> 00:28:31,871 >> AND I'M ROB, MY DAD'S BOB. 643 00:28:31,871 --> 00:28:32,638 >> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO. 644 00:28:32,638 --> 00:28:35,975 >> ALL RIGHT YEAH. NO, I NEVER WIN AGAINST PATRICK 645 00:28:35,975 --> 00:28:36,308 MAHOMES. 646 00:28:36,308 --> 00:28:36,743 >> Jimmy: WHY NOT? 647 00:28:36,743 --> 00:28:42,415 >> I PLAYED AGAINST HIM IN THE TAHOE TOURNAMENT. 648 00:28:42,415 --> 00:28:43,649 THEY DO ONE EVERY YEAR IN LAKE TAHOE. 649 00:28:43,649 --> 00:28:47,120 I WAS BEATING HIM FOR 15 HOLES. CASH ON THE LINE. 650 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:51,424 AND WHAT DOES HE DO? HE DOES WHAT PATRICK MAHOMES 651 00:28:51,424 --> 00:28:55,128 ALWAYS DOES, COMES BACK AT THE VERY END AND ONES IT. 652 00:28:55,128 --> 00:28:55,461 [ LAUGHTER ] 653 00:28:55,461 --> 00:28:56,996 SMOKED ME AND TOOK ALL THE MONEY. 654 00:28:56,996 --> 00:28:59,999 >> Jimmy: WHAT'S AN AMOUNT OF MONEY HYPOTHETICALLY THAT A 655 00:28:59,999 --> 00:29:05,304 PATRICK MAY HOMES AND ROB RIGGLE WOULD WAGER ON A ROUND LIKE 656 00:29:05,304 --> 00:29:05,637 THAT? 657 00:29:05,637 --> 00:29:07,240 >> I ALTHOUHIC TO GO BIG STAKES. 20 BUCKS. 658 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:07,573 [ LAUGHTER ] 659 00:29:07,573 --> 00:29:09,876 >> Jimmy: IS THAT RIGHT? YEAH. 660 00:29:09,876 --> 00:29:11,811 >> PATRICK JUST GOT THIS NEW CONTRACT, APPARENTLY. 661 00:29:11,811 --> 00:29:14,947 [ LAUGHTER ] 662 00:29:14,947 --> 00:29:17,216 I DIDN'T READ MUCH ABOUT IT, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD ABOUT IT. 663 00:29:17,216 --> 00:29:19,852 BUT HE WENT A LITTLE HIGHER STAKES. 664 00:29:19,852 --> 00:29:22,455 HE WAS REALLY ‐‐ HE WAS LIKE, WELL, LET'S PLAY FOR THIS. 665 00:29:22,455 --> 00:29:23,523 I'M LIKE, I DIDN'T GET THE CONTRACT YOU GOT. 666 00:29:23,523 --> 00:29:26,392 [ LAUGHTER ] 667 00:29:26,392 --> 00:29:29,028 >> Jimmy: YOU REALLY ‐‐ WHAT AMOUNT OF MONEY WOULD BE 668 00:29:29,028 --> 00:29:32,365 SIGNIFICANT ENOUGH THAT IT WOULD MEAN ANYTHING, REALLY, OTHER 669 00:29:32,365 --> 00:29:32,698 THAN WINNING? 670 00:29:32,698 --> 00:29:33,966 >> EXACTLY. IT'S JUST PRIDE. 671 00:29:33,966 --> 00:29:35,435 I THINK HE WANTED THE PRIDE MORE. 672 00:29:35,435 --> 00:29:38,004 >> Jimmy: YEAH, WELL SURE. YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE. 673 00:29:38,004 --> 00:29:39,605 THAT'S FUN, THAT'S A FUN THING TO DO. 674 00:29:39,605 --> 00:29:40,406 >> YES, ABSOLUTELY. 675 00:29:40,406 --> 00:29:43,476 >> Jimmy: IF HE PLAYED FOR ANOTHER TEAM, YOU PROBABLY 676 00:29:43,476 --> 00:29:46,345 WOULDN'T CARE AT ALL ABOUT HIM. BUT YOU LOVE THE CHIEFS SO MUCH 677 00:29:46,345 --> 00:29:47,547 THAT YOU CARE VERY DEEPLY. 678 00:29:47,547 --> 00:29:48,047 >> YES. 679 00:29:48,047 --> 00:29:48,681 >> Jimmy: MAYBE EVEN LOVE HIM. 680 00:29:48,681 --> 00:29:49,014 >> I ‐‐ 681 00:29:49,014 --> 00:29:49,949 [ LAUGHTER ] 682 00:29:49,949 --> 00:29:54,954 IT'S TRUE. I HAVE TO SAY, I LOVE HIM, I 683 00:29:54,954 --> 00:29:58,124 LOVE HIM, I LOVE THE CHIEFS, I LOVE KANSAS FE CITY. 684 00:29:58,124 --> 00:30:00,726 IF HE WOULD HAVE CALLED AND SAID, ROB, I'M DOING THIS 685 00:30:00,726 --> 00:30:03,429 INAUGURAL GOLF TOURNAMENT IN HAWAII, WOULD YOU MIND PARKING 686 00:30:03,429 --> 00:30:06,265 SOME OF THE CARS OUT THERE? MAYBE BAR TENDING? 687 00:30:06,265 --> 00:30:11,003 I'D BE LIKE, YES, YES! WHEN, WHERE? COUNT ME IN! 688 00:30:11,003 --> 00:30:13,372 >> Jimmy: YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO FLOAT THAT OUT, NEXT 689 00:30:13,372 --> 00:30:15,274 YEAR YOU'LL BE CELEBRITY VALET. 690 00:30:15,274 --> 00:30:17,110 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 691 00:30:17,110 --> 00:30:19,479 HOW OLD ARE YOUR KIDS NOW? 692 00:30:19,479 --> 00:30:24,083 >> MY CHILDREN ARE GREAT, THANK YOU FOR ASKING. 13 AND 17. 693 00:30:24,083 --> 00:30:26,219 HITTING THOSE AGES WHERE, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF JUDGMENT BEING 694 00:30:26,219 --> 00:30:26,552 THROWN AT DAD. 695 00:30:26,552 --> 00:30:28,154 [ LAUGHTER ] 696 00:30:28,154 --> 00:30:31,591 >> Jimmy: ARE THEY STILL ‐‐ WHAT ARE THEY JUDGING YOU FOR? 697 00:30:31,591 --> 00:30:34,160 WHAT KIND OF JUDGMENT ARE YOU GETTING? 698 00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:34,927 >> MUSIC MAINLY. 699 00:30:34,927 --> 00:30:37,163 >> Jimmy: OH, REALLY? THEY DON'T LIKE YOUR MUSIC? 700 00:30:37,163 --> 00:30:39,632 >> THEY DON'T ‐‐ IT'S WEIRD. THEY USED TO LIKE IT. 701 00:30:39,632 --> 00:30:41,834 BUT NOW THEY'RE ALL JUDGY ABOUT IT. 702 00:30:41,834 --> 00:30:42,168 [ LAUGHTER ] 703 00:30:42,168 --> 00:30:44,370 >> Jimmy: NOW THEY KNOW HOW TO WORK THE MUSIC, YEAH. 704 00:30:44,370 --> 00:30:48,975 >> I GOT TO ADMIT, THOUGH. I FOUND ‐‐ THE OTHER DAY, AS A 705 00:30:48,975 --> 00:30:51,077 MATTER OF FACT PLAYING GOLF WITH PATRICK MAHOMES, I DIDN'T WANT 706 00:30:51,077 --> 00:30:53,646 HIM TO KNOW WHAT I WAS LISTENING TO. 707 00:30:53,646 --> 00:30:53,979 [ LAUGHTER ] 708 00:30:53,979 --> 00:30:55,648 THE PLAYLIST. IT WAS ACTUALLY CALLED "DAD 709 00:30:55,648 --> 00:30:59,852 ROCK." 710 00:30:59,852 --> 00:31:01,687 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 711 00:31:01,687 --> 00:31:02,155 >> Jimmy: REALLY? 712 00:31:02,155 --> 00:31:04,524 >> YEAH, "DAD ROCK." 713 00:31:04,524 --> 00:31:06,225 >> Jimmy: WHAT'S ON THE "DAD ROCK"? 714 00:31:06,225 --> 00:31:11,164 >> I LAUGHED WHEN I SAW IT, PFFT, WHAT A JERK, WHO LISTENS 715 00:31:11,164 --> 00:31:14,267 TO THAT? AND I LOVED EVERY SONG. 716 00:31:14,267 --> 00:31:15,168 [ LAUGHTER ] 717 00:31:15,168 --> 00:31:19,005 JOURNEY, AC/DC, AND I WAS LIKE, YEAH, WHOO! 718 00:31:19,005 --> 00:31:21,774 >> Jimmy: ISN'T IT FUNNY HOW IT'S ALL LUMPED TOGETHER? 719 00:31:21,774 --> 00:31:22,175 >> YEAH. 720 00:31:22,175 --> 00:31:25,978 >> Jimmy: WHEN WE WERE KIDS, WHEN WE WERE YOUNG, JOURNEY AND 721 00:31:25,978 --> 00:31:28,447 AC/DC WERE NOT COMPATIBLE. 722 00:31:28,447 --> 00:31:28,814 >> NOT AT ALL. 723 00:31:28,814 --> 00:31:30,216 >> Jimmy: THEY WOULD NOT BE ON THE SAME MIX. 724 00:31:30,216 --> 00:31:32,018 >> THOSE TWO FAN BASES WOULD HAVE PROBABLY FOUGHT. 725 00:31:32,018 --> 00:31:33,586 >> Jimmy: KILLED EACH OTHER, YEAH, YEAH. 726 00:31:33,586 --> 00:31:34,120 >> YES. 727 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:34,921 >> Jimmy: JOURNEY WOULD HAVE LOST. 728 00:31:34,921 --> 00:31:35,286 >> YEAH. 729 00:31:35,286 --> 00:31:38,291 [ LAUGHTER ] 730 00:31:38,291 --> 00:31:38,691 SO BAD. 731 00:31:38,691 --> 00:31:40,026 >> Jimmy: IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A SLAUGHTER. 732 00:31:40,026 --> 00:31:40,660 >> YES. 733 00:31:40,660 --> 00:31:42,628 >> Jimmy: NOW THEY'RE ON THE PLAYLIST. 734 00:31:42,628 --> 00:31:45,765 SO YOUR KIDS DO NOT LIKE DAD ROCK BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT DADS. 735 00:31:45,765 --> 00:31:49,702 >> THEY USED TO. MY BOY, HE'LL SING ALONG WITH 736 00:31:49,702 --> 00:31:52,538 JOURNEY, HE KNOWS THE WORDS TO "STONE IN LOVE" AND SOME OF 737 00:31:52,538 --> 00:31:55,074 THESE GREAT SONGS. 738 00:31:55,074 --> 00:31:55,675 >> Jimmy: YEAH. RIGHT. 739 00:31:55,675 --> 00:31:57,376 >> BUT NOW IT'S LIKE ‐‐ 740 00:31:57,376 --> 00:31:58,477 >> Jimmy: GOT TO BE COOL NOW. 741 00:31:58,477 --> 00:32:01,013 >> DAD LISTENS TO IT, I CAN'T LISTEN TO IT. 742 00:32:01,013 --> 00:32:03,916 >> Jimmy: ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S BEEN LABELED "DAD ROCK," FORGET 743 00:32:03,916 --> 00:32:04,249 ABOUT IT. 744 00:32:04,249 --> 00:32:05,618 >> CUTS LIKE A KNIFE. 745 00:32:05,618 --> 00:32:08,721 >> Jimmy: YOU WANTED TO HIDE THAT FROM PATRICK MAHOMES, WHY? 746 00:32:08,721 --> 00:32:10,690 BECAUSE YOU FELT YOU WOULD BE SEEN AS UNCOOL? 747 00:32:10,690 --> 00:32:11,791 >> YES. 748 00:32:11,791 --> 00:32:12,124 [ LAUGHTER ] 749 00:32:12,124 --> 00:32:12,558 >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH. 750 00:32:12,558 --> 00:32:16,362 >> IT'S JUST WHAT THAT SIMPLE. I LITERALLY PUT HEADPHONES IN 751 00:32:16,362 --> 00:32:18,431 BECAUSE HE COULDN'T HEAR. HE HAD A SPEAKER, HE WAS LIKE, 752 00:32:18,431 --> 00:32:22,201 OH, YEAH! AND I WASLIKE ‐‐ YOU KNOW. 753 00:32:22,201 --> 00:32:26,038 ♪ STONE IN LOVE 754 00:32:26,038 --> 00:32:28,441 WHICH IS NOT HOW THAT SONG GOES, BY THE WAY. 755 00:32:28,441 --> 00:32:28,874 [ LAUGHTER ] 756 00:32:28,874 --> 00:32:31,477 >> Jimmy: ROB, MANY PEOPLE KNOW, AND LIKE MOST COMEDIANS YOU 757 00:32:31,477 --> 00:32:32,111 STARTED IN THE MARINE CORPS. 758 00:32:32,111 --> 00:32:35,081 [ LAUGHTER ] 759 00:32:35,081 --> 00:32:38,985 I HAVE A PHOTOGRAPH HERE OF A USO TOUR YOU DID. 760 00:32:38,985 --> 00:32:41,454 WE HAVE HERE DOUG FISTER RIGHT THERE. 761 00:32:41,454 --> 00:32:44,457 >> YEAH, GREAT PITCHER. YOU GOT BRIAN URLACHER. 762 00:32:44,457 --> 00:32:50,763 CHICAGO BEARS. 763 00:32:50,763 --> 00:32:55,635 DON EGRON, GREAT ACTRESS. 764 00:32:55,635 --> 00:32:59,272 KELLIE PICKLER, COUNTRY MUSIC ARTIST. 765 00:32:59,272 --> 00:33:02,408 ME, AND THE DUCHESS OF SUSSEX, MEGHAN MARKLE. 766 00:33:02,408 --> 00:33:05,177 >> Jimmy: THESE ARE HER PRE‐DUCHESS DAYS? 767 00:33:05,177 --> 00:33:09,715 >> PRE‐DUCHESS DAYS WHEN SHE WAS REGULAR OLD MEGHAN. 768 00:33:09,715 --> 00:33:10,049 [ LAUGHTER ] 769 00:33:10,049 --> 00:33:12,018 >> Jimmy: I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS, THIS IS THE FIRST THING I 770 00:33:12,018 --> 00:33:15,187 WAS THINKING ABOUT. LIKE OBVIOUSLY KELLIE PICKLER 771 00:33:15,187 --> 00:33:18,257 SINGS, SO SHE'S THERE DOING THAT. THEN YOU TELL JOKES. 772 00:33:18,257 --> 00:33:20,559 HOST THE THING. WHAT IS EVERYBODY ELSE DOING? 773 00:33:20,559 --> 00:33:21,494 >> YOU KNOW ‐‐ HAVING FUN? 774 00:33:21,494 --> 00:33:25,064 [ LAUGHTER ] 775 00:33:25,064 --> 00:33:29,669 DOUG AND BRIAN WOULD COME OUT AND THANK THE TROOPS, YOU KNOW, 776 00:33:29,669 --> 00:33:33,306 AND DO A Q&A. THEN THEY'D THROW OUT SOME 777 00:33:33,306 --> 00:33:35,207 SIGNED FOOTBALLS AND BASEBALLS AT THE CROWD. 778 00:33:35,207 --> 00:33:39,412 AND MEGHAN WOULD JOIN THEM. AND HELP THROW OUT FOOTBALLS AND 779 00:33:39,412 --> 00:33:39,745 BASEBALLS. 780 00:33:39,745 --> 00:33:40,146 >> Jimmy: REALLY? 781 00:33:40,146 --> 00:33:42,915 >> YEAH. SHE WOULD DO A Q&A. 782 00:33:42,915 --> 00:33:45,918 KIND OF CHAT THEM UP A LITTLE BIT. 783 00:33:45,918 --> 00:33:48,287 >> Jimmy: WERE THE Qs "WHO ARE YOU?" 784 00:33:48,287 --> 00:33:51,057 >> A LOT OF THAT, YEAH. 785 00:33:51,057 --> 00:33:55,227 >> Jimmy: "ONE DAY DO YOU THINK YOU'LL TOPPLE THE MONARCHY?" 786 00:33:55,227 --> 00:33:56,429 >> YEAH. 787 00:33:56,429 --> 00:33:56,762 [ LAUGHTER ] 788 00:33:56,762 --> 00:34:00,966 THAT MIXED IN WITH "IS THERE GOING TO BE A SEASON 2 OF SUITS? 789 00:34:00,966 --> 00:34:01,331 ". 790 00:34:01,331 --> 00:34:02,134 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 791 00:34:02,134 --> 00:34:02,601 [ LAUGHTER ] 792 00:34:02,601 --> 00:34:07,473 YOU'RE DOING SEASON 3 OF "HOLY MOLY,," FUNNY SHOW. 793 00:34:07,473 --> 00:34:11,277 IT SOUNDS LIKE THE STUPIDEST SHOW EVER BUT IT IS A FUNNY 794 00:34:11,277 --> 00:34:13,713 SHOW, AGAINST ALL ODDS. MINIATURE GOLF. 795 00:34:13,713 --> 00:34:15,548 >> YEAH, I WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGHT IT. 796 00:34:15,548 --> 00:34:19,018 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE THERE GOOFING ON CONTESTANTS PLAYING MINIATURE 797 00:34:19,018 --> 00:34:19,383 GOLF. 798 00:34:19,383 --> 00:34:21,520 >> I THINK IT'S A GREAT MIX OF EVERYTHING. 799 00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:25,157 I'M LUCKY ENOUGH TO WORK WITH 800 00:34:25,157 --> 00:34:31,330 JOE TSATORE, JEANNIE MOOSE, A GREAT TEAM, THE TEAM THEY GOT 801 00:34:31,330 --> 00:34:36,302 TOGETHER WAS FANTASTIC. THEN WHAT THEY DO, IT IS, IT'S 802 00:34:36,302 --> 00:34:38,270 LIKE WIPEOUT FACES MINIATURE GOLF. 803 00:34:38,270 --> 00:34:40,673 WE PUT THESE GOLFERS THROUGH A NIGHTMARE. 804 00:34:40,673 --> 00:34:42,141 >> Jimmy: YOU TORTURE THE GOLFERS, YEAH. 805 00:34:42,141 --> 00:34:45,010 >> THEN JOE AND I REACT. BECAUSE WE'RE SEEING IT LIVE 806 00:34:45,010 --> 00:34:47,780 JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE IS AND REACTING TO WHAT WE'RE SEEING. 807 00:34:47,780 --> 00:34:51,484 WE'RE REALLY ENJOYING IT, HAVING FUN, REACTING IN A VERY REAL AND 808 00:34:51,484 --> 00:34:54,353 HONEST WAY. THEN, YOU KNOW, I RUN MY MOUTH A 809 00:34:54,353 --> 00:34:57,022 LITTLE BIT. JOE IS A PERFECT COUNTERPART TO 810 00:34:57,022 --> 00:34:58,124 THAT. AND WE HAVE A BLAST. 811 00:34:58,124 --> 00:35:00,793 >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE A TWO‐HOUR SEASON PREMIERE. 812 00:35:00,793 --> 00:35:03,596 THERE WERE TIMES PEOPLE SAID, THERE'S NO WAY A NETWORK WOULD 813 00:35:03,596 --> 00:35:07,133 PUT TWO HOURS OF MINIATURE GOLF IN PRIMETIME TELEVISION. 814 00:35:07,133 --> 00:35:08,401 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 815 00:35:08,401 --> 00:35:12,138 ONCE AGAIN, YOU PROVED THEM SO WRONG. SO VERY WRONG. 816 00:35:12,138 --> 00:35:15,741 >> YOUR LIPS TO GOD'S EARS, JIMMY, THAT'S RIGHT. 817 00:35:15,741 --> 00:35:19,111 >> Jimmy: "HOLY MOLY" RETURNS TO ABC ON JUNE 17th. 818 00:35:19,111 --> 00:35:22,248 TWO HOURS OF MINIATURE GOLF RIGHT HERE. 819 00:35:22,248 --> 00:35:22,748 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 820 00:35:22,748 --> 00:35:27,019 ROB RIGGLE, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE BACK WITH WILLIE JONES. 821 00:35:30,856 --> 00:35:33,793 >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS 822 00:35:33,793 --> 00:35:36,796 PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING. 823 00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:42,509 >> Jimmy: HEY, AGAIN. MUSIC FROM WILLIE JONES IS STILL 824 00:35:42,509 --> 00:35:44,245 ON THE WAY. BUT FIRST, THANKS TO YEARS OF 825 00:35:44,245 --> 00:35:48,249 EXPERIENCE, RELIABILITY AND SAFETY INNOVATIONS, ADT PROVIDES 826 00:35:48,249 --> 00:35:49,650 THE LATEST IN SECURITY AND SMARTHOME SOLUTIONS, ALMOST TOO 827 00:35:49,650 --> 00:35:56,423 SMART IF YOU ASK GUILLERMO. 828 00:35:56,423 --> 00:35:56,857 [ DIALING ] 829 00:35:56,857 --> 00:35:57,958 >> HELLO? 830 00:35:57,958 --> 00:36:01,695 >> GUILLERMO, I GOT AN ALERT FROM THE ADT SYSTEM, IT SAYS 831 00:36:01,695 --> 00:36:03,898 THERE'S MOTION IN THE HOUSE. ARE YOU AT HOME? 832 00:36:03,898 --> 00:36:06,000 >> NO, I'M AT HOME, WORKING. 833 00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:06,333 [ LAUGHTER ] 834 00:36:06,333 --> 00:36:09,169 DON'T WORRY, MILLIONS OF PEOPLE TRUST ADT. 835 00:36:09,169 --> 00:36:10,771 THEY ARE HELPING KEEP THE HOUSE SAFE. 836 00:36:10,771 --> 00:36:13,607 >> YOU'RE RIGHT. JUST TO CONFIRM, YOU'RE AT WORK, 837 00:36:13,607 --> 00:36:15,075 WORKING? 838 00:36:15,075 --> 00:36:18,078 >> YEAH, I'M DOING WORK THINGS WITH LARRY. 839 00:36:18,078 --> 00:36:18,412 [ LAUGHTER ] 840 00:36:18,412 --> 00:36:19,013 >> LET ME SPEAK TO LARRY. 841 00:36:19,013 --> 00:36:21,215 >> OH. OKAY. HOLD ON. 842 00:36:21,215 --> 00:36:28,856 LARRY! HELLO, MRS. RODRIGUEZ, THIS IS 843 00:36:28,856 --> 00:36:30,190 LARRY. WE ARE WORKING HARD. 844 00:36:30,190 --> 00:36:37,631 >> SO, LARRY, TELL HIM WHEN HE'S DONE LAZING AROUND, SET THE 845 00:36:37,631 --> 00:36:37,964 ALARM. 846 00:36:37,964 --> 00:36:39,199 >> LARRY, WHEN YOU'RE DONE ‐‐ 847 00:36:39,199 --> 00:36:40,467 >> I KNOW THERE'S NO LARRY. 848 00:36:40,467 --> 00:36:41,302 >> YOU DO? 849 00:36:41,302 --> 00:36:41,635 >> I DO. 850 00:36:41,635 --> 00:36:44,338 >> DO YOU WANT TO SPEAK WITH TONY? 851 00:36:44,338 --> 00:36:44,671 [ LAUGHTER ] 852 00:36:44,671 --> 00:36:47,875 >> Dicky: BRINGING YOU THE LATEST IN SMARTHOME SOLUTIONS 853 00:36:47,875 --> 00:36:51,312 AND OVERALL SECURITY, BECAUSE WHEN IT REALLY MATTERS, TRUST 854 00:36:51,312 --> 00:36:54,873 ADT, REAL PROTECTION. 855 00:36:57,302 --> 00:36:58,860 >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS 856 00:36:58,860 --> 00:37:02,630 PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING. 857 00:37:02,630 --> 00:37:05,333 >> Jimmy: MANY THANKS TO RACHEL WEISZ AND ROB RIGGLE. 858 00:37:05,333 --> 00:37:07,201 APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. TOMORROW NIGHT, MICHAEL CHE AND 859 00:37:07,201 --> 00:37:08,936 CILLIAN MURPHY, WITH MUSIC FROM THE LINDA LINDAS. 860 00:37:08,936 --> 00:37:10,471 "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT, BUT FIRST, HIS SONG IS CALLED "DOWN BY THE 861 00:37:10,471 --> 00:37:13,508 RIVERSIDE." FROM SHREVEPORT, LOUISIANA, 862 00:37:13,508 --> 00:37:16,444 WILLIE JONES! 863 00:37:16,444 --> 00:37:20,248 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 864 00:37:20,515 --> 00:37:20,880 ♪ 865 00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:30,658 ♪ 866 00:37:30,658 --> 00:37:35,563 ♪ YO YO YO 867 00:37:35,563 --> 00:37:38,566 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS ‐‐ I GO BY THE NAME OF 868 00:37:38,566 --> 00:37:39,600 WILLIE JONES. 869 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:42,870 ♪ 870 00:37:42,870 --> 00:37:46,240 I'MA SHOW YOU HOW WE DO IT DOWN IN THE POOL, YO. 871 00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:47,475 ♪ DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE 872 00:37:47,475 --> 00:37:48,242 ♪ HANKY PANKY 873 00:37:48,242 --> 00:37:49,911 WHERE THEM GIRLS BAD YES MA'AM ♪ 874 00:37:49,911 --> 00:37:52,480 ♪ PLEASE AND THANK YOU 875 00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:54,716 WHERE THEM BOYS RIDE SLOW 'CAUSE THEM ROADS ♪ 876 00:37:54,716 --> 00:37:56,517 ♪ IS DANGEROUS 877 00:37:56,517 --> 00:38:00,188 IT'S A REAL THIN LINE 'TWEEN SNAKES AND ANGELS ♪ 878 00:38:00,188 --> 00:38:01,155 ♪ SUN MAKING ME SWEAT 879 00:38:01,155 --> 00:38:02,423 COGNAC ON MY BREATH CRAWFISH WITH ♪ 880 00:38:02,423 --> 00:38:04,125 ♪ THE CORNBREAD 881 00:38:04,125 --> 00:38:05,493 YEAH THIS AS REAL AS IT GETS ♪ 882 00:38:05,493 --> 00:38:08,563 ♪ KNICK KNACK PADDY WACK 883 00:38:08,563 --> 00:38:13,434 GIVE A DOG A BONE THIS IS WILLIE JONES ♪ 884 00:38:13,434 --> 00:38:14,235 ♪ YOU ALREADY KNOW 885 00:38:14,235 --> 00:38:15,937 YOU CAN FIND ME OUT WHERE THE CORN ♪ 886 00:38:15,937 --> 00:38:16,938 ♪ AND THE COTTON GROW 887 00:38:16,938 --> 00:38:20,208 WAY DOWN SOUTH CRACKING BONES SLAMMING DOMINOS ♪ 888 00:38:20,208 --> 00:38:22,443 ♪ WELCOME TO THE RATCHET 889 00:38:22,443 --> 00:38:25,279 BLACK ZYDECO RODEO BOSS HOG I'M A DOG ♪ 890 00:38:25,279 --> 00:38:26,180 ♪ I'M A BILLY GOAT 891 00:38:26,180 --> 00:38:30,718 DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪ 892 00:38:30,718 --> 00:38:31,919 ♪ DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE 893 00:38:31,919 --> 00:38:37,291 BY THE RIVERSIDE DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪ 894 00:38:37,291 --> 00:38:37,725 ♪ BY THE RIVERSIDE 895 00:38:37,725 --> 00:38:43,931 THIS IS HOW WE THROW IT DOWN DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪ 896 00:38:43,931 --> 00:38:44,499 ♪ GET THAT MUD OFF MY TIRES 897 00:38:44,499 --> 00:38:47,969 DIRTY SOUTH IN THE HOUSE COMING STRAIGHT OUT ♪ 898 00:38:47,969 --> 00:38:48,302 ♪ THE BAYOU 899 00:38:48,302 --> 00:38:50,538 WE GOT THAT CATFISH FRYING COMING FRESH ♪ 900 00:38:50,538 --> 00:38:52,440 ♪ OFF THE BOTTOM 901 00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:54,509 I GOT A BAD ‐‐ WITH THE BUCKSHOT ♪ 902 00:38:54,509 --> 00:38:56,210 ♪ RIDIN' SHOTTY 903 00:38:56,210 --> 00:38:57,078 MET HER DOWN AT TULANE SO YOU KNOW SHE ♪ 904 00:38:57,078 --> 00:38:57,912 ♪ GOT GOOD BRAIN 905 00:38:57,912 --> 00:38:59,714 THAT'S SUPERDOME I'M SUPER GONE ♪ 906 00:38:59,714 --> 00:39:00,648 ♪ LORD KNOWS 907 00:39:00,648 --> 00:39:03,951 I AIN'T NO SAINT YOU CAN FIND ME OUT ♪ 908 00:39:03,951 --> 00:39:05,286 ♪ WHERE THE CORN 909 00:39:05,286 --> 00:39:07,155 AND THE COTTON GROW WAY DOWN SOUTH CRACKING ♪ 910 00:39:07,155 --> 00:39:08,890 ♪ BONES SLAMMING DOMINOS 911 00:39:08,890 --> 00:39:13,327 WELCOME TO THE RATCHET BLACK ZYDECO RODEO ♪ 912 00:39:13,327 --> 00:39:13,795 ♪ BOSS HOG I'M A DOG 913 00:39:13,795 --> 00:39:19,934 I'M A BILLY GOAT DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪ 914 00:39:19,934 --> 00:39:20,535 ♪ BY THE RIVERSIDE 915 00:39:20,535 --> 00:39:24,372 DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪ 916 00:39:24,372 --> 00:39:25,173 ♪ DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE 917 00:39:25,173 --> 00:39:28,976 BY THE RIVERSIDE THIS IS HOW WE THROW ♪ 918 00:39:28,976 --> 00:39:33,281 ♪ IT DOWN DOWN 919 00:39:33,281 --> 00:39:38,519 BIT RIVERSIDE ♪ YES, SIR! 920 00:39:38,519 --> 00:39:43,191 ♪ BY THE RIVERSIDE YEAH 921 00:39:43,191 --> 00:39:45,259 REAL QUICK, I NEED EVERYBODY TO GET UP AND ROCK WITH ME REAL 922 00:39:45,259 --> 00:39:47,595 QUICK, YEAH! 923 00:39:47,595 --> 00:39:49,897 ♪ DO SEA‐DOO TO THE LEFT 924 00:39:49,897 --> 00:39:50,598 ♪ DO YA ONE TWO STEP 925 00:39:50,598 --> 00:39:52,600 SPIN AROUND THEN DROP IT DOWN ♪ 926 00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:53,000 ♪ THEN SLIDE AND 927 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:53,868 CATCH YOUR BREATH NOW BOOT SCOOT TO ♪ 928 00:39:53,868 --> 00:39:54,602 ♪ THE RIGHT TIP YA 929 00:39:54,602 --> 00:39:56,537 DRINK TO THE SKY NOW ACT A FOOL ♪ 930 00:39:56,537 --> 00:39:57,004 ♪ GO ON RIDE THE BULL 931 00:39:57,004 --> 00:39:59,407 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY WE RIDE ♪ 932 00:39:59,407 --> 00:40:00,074 ♪ YOU CAN FIND ME OUT 933 00:40:00,074 --> 00:40:03,845 WHERE THE CORN AND THE COTTON GROW ♪ 934 00:40:03,845 --> 00:40:07,515 ♪ WAY DOWN SOUTH CRACKING 935 00:40:07,515 --> 00:40:08,549 BONES SLAMMING DOMINOS WELCOME TO THE RATCHET ♪ 936 00:40:08,549 --> 00:40:09,617 ♪ BLACK ZYDECO RODEO 937 00:40:09,617 --> 00:40:12,553 BOSS HOG I'M A DOG I'M A BILLY GOAT ♪ 938 00:40:12,553 --> 00:40:14,522 ♪ DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE 939 00:40:14,522 --> 00:40:18,025 BY THE RIVERSIDE DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪ 940 00:40:18,025 --> 00:40:19,894 ♪ BY THE RIVERSIDE 941 00:40:19,894 --> 00:40:22,363 DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪ 942 00:40:22,363 --> 00:40:23,865 ♪ THIS IS HOW WE THROW 943 00:40:23,865 --> 00:40:30,338 IT DOWN DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪ 944 00:40:30,338 --> 00:40:34,775 ♪ 945 00:40:34,775 --> 00:40:35,343 ♪ THAT'S RIGHT CATCH YOUR 946 00:40:35,343 --> 00:40:37,745 BREATH ♪ 947 00:40:37,745 --> 00:40:39,714 ♪ RIGHT BY THE RIVERSIDE 948 00:40:39,714 --> 00:40:41,215 ♪ THIS IS HOW WE THROW IT DOWN 949 00:40:41,215 --> 00:40:44,715 DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE ♪