>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD ‐‐ IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!" TONIGHT ‐‐
DAVID HARBOUR, WILLIAM JACKSON HARPER, AND
MUSIC FROM HALF ALIVE. AND NOW ‐‐ JIMMY KIMMEL!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: HI, THERE. I'M JIMMY. I AM THE HOST.
THANKS FOR WATCHING. THANKS FOR COMING.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD HOLIDAY WEEKEND.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S JUNE ALREADY?
THE REASON I ASK IS BECAUSE MANY, IF NOT MOST, OF OUR
NATION'S NEWSCASTERS CAN'T.
>> CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S JUNE 1st ALREADY.
>> CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S JUNE 1st.
>> YEAH, RIGHT, ALREADY?
>> CAN'T BELIEVE THAT IT'S JUNE 1st ALREADY.
>> CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S JUNE 1ST.
>> CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S JUNE 1st.
>> I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S JUNE 1st TODAY.
>> I KNOW, RIGHT?
>> IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE.
>> HARD TO BELIEVE TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE MONTH OF JUNE.
>> HARD TO BELIEVE IT'S JUNE 1st.
>> HARD TO BELIEVE IT'S JUNE.
>> HARD TO BELIEVE IT IS JUNE.
>> I SAY THAT EVERY MONTH.
>> I KNOW, I KNOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WAIT TILL THEY FIND OUT IT'S NOT BUTTER.
DID YOU HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND?
>> Guillermo: YES, FANTASTIC WEEKEND.
>> Jimmy: CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S JUNE?
>> Guillermo: I KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S JUNE ALREADY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: BY THE WAY, I TEXTED GUILLERMO FRIDAY NIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU EATING? HE WROTE BACK, A TUNA MELT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE WENT TO THE PARTICIPATE THIS WEEKEND.
I PUT ALMOST ENOUGH SUNSCREEN ON MY BODY.
I GOT EVERY ZONE KEPT FOR A PATCH RIGHT BACK HERE, JUST
BELOW MY LEFT SHOULDER. I MISSED THAT BECAUSE MY ARMS
DON'T REACH. WHICH IS A FLAW IN THE HUMAN
BODY, BY THE WAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOUR HANDS SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET AT ALL THE PARTS.
BUT I COULDN'T. AND NOW I HAVE A BRIGHT RED
PATCH SHAPED EXACTLY LIKE THE STATE OF LOUISIANA ON MY BACK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OTHER THAN THAT, I HAD A GREAT WEEKEND, AND YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE I'M VACCINATED.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OH, WHAT A JOY IT IS.
[ RIM SHOT ]
WALKING AROUND WITHOUT A MASK ON. HUGGING PEOPLE.
I FEEL LIKE A SUPERHERO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SERIOUSLY, IF YOU DON'T HAVE A VACCINE YET, GO GET ONE, IT'S
THE GREATEST. YOU'RE GONNA BE LIKE, "WHY
DIDN'T I DO THIS BEFORE?" YOU'RE GOING TO BE LIKE, "I'M
SUCH AN IDIOT." WE'LL BE LIKE, "YES, YOU'RE AN
IDIOT!"
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND THEN YOU'LL BE FREE. TRAVEL WAS WAY UP THIS WEEKEND.
THE TSA SCREENED MORE THAN SEVEN MILLION PEOPLE, AND THAT'S
ANOTHER FUNNY THING. YOU CAN GET ON A FLIGHT
UNVACCINATED ‐‐ NO PROBLEM. BUT GOD FORBID YOU BRING A
FULL‐SIZE BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO. YOU'RE GOING DOWN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I HOPE YOU REMEMBERED TO REMEMBER WHAT MEMORIAL DAY IS
ABOUT. THOSE WHO GAVE THEIR LIVES FOR
OUR COUNTRY. SOME DID THIS WEEKEND, AND SOME
DID NOT. OF ALL THE MANY MEMORIAL DAY
MESSAGES FROM PRESIDENTS OBAMA, BIDEN, CLINTON, BUSH, AND EVEN
TRUMP. NONE STOOD OUT MORE THAN A TWEET
FROM VANILLA ICE, WHO WROTE "HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY, HAPPY
BECAUSE WE HAVE THE FREEDOM TO HAVE A BACKYARD COOKOUT, SPORTS,
AND SHARING SMILES. THANKS TO THE SOLDIERS.
#HAPPYMEMORIALDAY" WHICH IS FINE, IT'S AN OKAY MESSAGE, WERE
IT NOT ACCOMPANIED BY THIS PHOTO OF A NINJA TURTLE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
DRAPED WITH THE AMERICAN FLAG. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE,
DUDES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS GOOD, TOO. SOMEONE GOOFED ON SOON‐TO‐BE
IMPRISONED CONGRESSMAN MATT GAETZ.
THEY TRICKED HIM INTO RETWEETING A PICTURE OF LEE HARVEY OSWALD
BY WRITING, "@MATTGAETZ CONGRESSMAN, MY GRANDPA'S A BIG
FAN OF YOURS AND IS A VETERAN. HE WOULD BE THRILLED IF YOU
COULD RETWEET THIS PHOTO OF HIM FOR MEMORIAL DAY.
HERE HE IS AS A YOUNG PRIVATE FIRST CLASS."
AND THEN ONCE MATT GAETZ DID RETWEET IT, THE GRANDSON CHANGED
THE NAME ON HIS ACCOUNT IS "MATT GAETZ IS A PEDO," WHICH WAS UP
THERE ON MATT GAETZ' ACCOUNT, SO HE TOOK IT DOWN.
HE GOT MATTFISHED!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
AND OUR VICE PRESIDENT, KAMALA HARRIS, TOOK SOME
UNFRIENDLY FIRE FROM THOSE WHO DO NOT ENJOY HER WORK.
CONSERVATIVES, THEY REALLY CRANKED THE FAKE OUTRAGE KNOB UP
TO 11 AFTER THIS TWEET. SHE WROTE, "ENJOY THE LONG
WEEKEND." ING IF, THE MAGAVERSE WAS FUFR
YUS ABOUT THIS. FORMER AMBASSADOR, NIKKI HALEY,
CALLED THE VICE PRESIDENT "UNPROFESSIONAL AND UNFIT" FOR
THIS TWEET. THIS IS THE SAME NIKKI HALEY WHO
SAID NOTHING WHEN TRUMP SAID HE PREFERS WAR HEROES WHO DON'T GET
CAPTURED. THAT WAS OKAY. NO COMMENT THERE.
BUT TWEETING "ENJOY THE LONG WEEKEND." MAKES YOU "UNFIT."
WHEN THE TRUTH IS, YOU KNOW WHO'S UNFIT? THIS GUY IS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
FLABBY GILMORE. IT IS AMAZING THAT THESE PEOPLE
STILL APPEAR IN PUBLIC. AFTER WHAT WENT ON FOR FOUR
YEARS. TRUMP'S OLD PARDON PAL, MICHAEL FLYNN, WHO ADMITTED TO
LYING TO THE FBI, WHO WENT TO PRISON FOR IT, APARTY AT
WHAT WAS ESSENTIALLY Q ANON‐CON THIS WEEKEND.
WHERE HE QUITE PLAINLY SUPPORTED AN IDEA FROM A MAN IN THE CROWD
WHO ASKED WHY WE DON'T JUST OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT?
KEEP IN MIND, THE MAN ONSTAGE ANSWERING THIS QUESTION IS A
FORMER GENERAL AND NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER.
>> FROM A SIMPLE MARINE, I WANT TO KNOW WHY WHAT HAPPENED IN
MIN‐A‐MAR CAN'T HAPPEN HERE.
>> NO REASON. I MEAN, IT SHOULD HAPPEN.
NO REASON. THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WHY WHAT HAPPENED IN MIN‐A‐MAR.
PRONOUNCED LIKE "MINI BAR." MYANMAR IS A COUNTRY IN
SOUTHEAST ASIA. BACK IN FEBRUARY THE MILITARY
SEIZED CONTROL, THEY REFUSED TO ACCEPT THE RESULTS OF THE
ELECTION THERE, SO THEY ORGANIZED A COUP.
THOUSANDS OF PROTESTORS HAVE BEEN IMPRISONED, HUNDREDS HAVE
BEEN KILLED. AND GENERAL LIESENHOWER THINKS
WE SHOULD DO THAT HERE TOO. ALTHOUGH, AFTER IT WAS SUGGESTED
THAT HE BE COURT‐MARTIALED FOR THAT REMARK, FLYNN TRIED TO
WALK IT BACK. HE WROTE, "LET ME BE VERY CLEAR.
THERE IS NO REASON WHATSOEVER FOR ANY COUP IN AMERICA, AND I
DO NOT AND HAVE NOT AT ANY TIME CALLED FOR ANY ACTION OF THAT
SORT." EXCEPT FOR THIS WEEKEND, WHEN
YOU DID IT ON VIDEO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND THE TIMES YOU DID IT LEADING UP TO JANUARY 6th.
MAYBE THAT'S THE BILL GATES MICROCHIP MAKING HIM SAY THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
MAYBE THERE SHOULD BE A COUP DOWN AT MEE‐AN‐MAR‐A‐LAGO.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
ACCORDING TO MAGGIE HABERMAN OF THE "NEW YORK TIMES," TRUMP
BELIEVES THAT HE'S GOING TO BE REINSTATED AS PRESIDENT IN
AUGUST, AFTER ARIZONA FINISHES ITS CYBER NINJA "AUDIT" OF THE
ELECTION THEY'RE DOING. WHICH IS SO COMPLETELY INSANE,
AND DUMB, IT HAS TO BE TRUE. IT JUST HAS TO BE.
WE'LL KNOW IT'S TRUE FOR SURE ONCE WE HEAR HIM DENY IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AMERICANS WERE BACK AT THE MOVIES THIS WEEKEND.
"A QUIET PLACE 2" MADE $57 MILLION.
WHICH IS THE BIGGEST OPENING SINCE THE PANDEMIC BEGAN.
THOSE WHO ARE FULLY VACCINATED DO NOT HAVE TO WEAR MASKS TO THE
MOVIES. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOW PROOF.
IT'S DONE ON THE HONOR SYSTEM. WHICH HAS WORKED SO WELL FOR
MOVIES FOR DECADES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE SOMEONE SNEAKING INTO ONE OF THOSE!
HERE IN LOS ANGELES, PUBLIC AND PRIVATE SCHOOLS ARE EXPECTED TO
REOPEN IN THE FALL FOR FIVE DAYS A WEEK OF IN‐PERSON LEARNING.
WHICH IS GREAT NEWS FOR PARENTS. ALSO HERE IN L. A., WE SAW THIS
ON THE LOCAL NEWS. YOU KNOW THAT PLACE WHERE THEY
CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S ALREADY JUNE? YEAH, THE LOCAL NEWS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEY RAN A PIECE ABOUT A 2‐YEAR‐OLD GIRL FROM
MONTEREY PARK WHO JUST BECAME THE YOUNGEST AMERICAN EVER TO BE
ADMITTED TO MENSA. THE CLUB FOR PEOPLE WITH
UNUSUALLY HIGH IQs. SHE PASSED THE TEST.
HER IQ WAS MEASURED AT 146. AND WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN
TO MEET HER. BECAUSE SHE'S 2. SO JOINING US NOW, WITH HER
PARENTS, SUE AND DEVON, PLEASE WELCOME A VERY BRAINY TODDLER ‐‐
KASHE QUEST!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND THE QUEST FAMILY. HI, GUYS.
>> HELLO.
>> HOW ARE YOU?
>> Jimmy: HI, KASHE, HOW ARE YOU?
LET ME ASK YOU GUYS, HOW DID YOU END UP WITH SUCH A SMART KID?
>> I LIKE TO THINK IT COMES FROM ME.
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH.
>> HE MIGHT HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT, RIGHT. WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GO TO
MENSA ONCE YOU REALIZED KASHE WAS VERY BRIGHT?
>> WELL, IT KIND OF OCCURRED ON OUR PEDIATRICIAN VISIT.
SHE WAS SAYING LIKE 10‐WORD SENTENCES AT 18 MONTHS.
>> Jimmy: THE PEDIATRICIAN?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THE PEDIATRICIAN, KASHE AS WELL.
THEY HAD A DIALOGUE GOING ON, WE WERE JUST IN THE BACKGROUND,
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? SHE SAID, GET HER CHECKED OUT.
IT WAS KIND OF MORE ‐‐ NOT TO VALIDATE HERE BUT TO CONFIRM.
>> Jimmy: GOTCHA. SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO HANG OUT
WITH THOSE PEOPLE AT MENSA, DOES SHE?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU EXCITED TO BE AT MENSA?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I HEARD THEY GAVE YOU A CARD THAT YOU CAN SHOW TO
PEOPLE?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S KIND OF EXCITING, ISN'T IT?
>> WANT TO GIVE MR. KIMMEL YOUR CARD?
>> SHOW JIMMY YOUR CARD.
>> Jimmy: WOW, HOW ABOUT THAT. I HAVE A SIMILAR ‐‐ MINE IS,
THOUGH ‐‐ MINE IS NOT A MENSA CARD. MINE IS A GIFT CARD FOR THE
MEN'S WEARHOUSE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU CAN BUY YOURSELF A NICE PAIR OF SLACKS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO WHAT'S THE MOST CHALLENGING THING ABOUT HAVING A GENIUS
CHILD?
>> SHE'S GOING TO HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE.
>> Jimmy: OH, RA EL?
>> OH, IF YOU SAY, LISTEN, BABY, ICE CREAM FRIDAY.
YOU BETTER BE THERE ON TIME, ICE CREAM, OR SHE'S CALLING YOU,
SHE'S FACETIMING YOU, AND YOU'RE GOING TO HEAR ABOUT IT FOR A
WEEK.
>> Jimmy: SHE HAS A PHONE?
>> SHE USES MOM'S PHONE.
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ICE CREAM?
>> ICE CREAM WITH M&Ms.
>> Jimmy: IS THERE ANY CHANCE THAT'S WHAT MADE HER SO SMART?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> POSSIBLY.
>> YOU NEVER KNOW, YOU NEVER KNOW.
>> Jimmy: WHAT KIND OF STUFF ARE YOU LEARNING ABOUT, KASHE?
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO LEARN ABOUT?
>> TRAINS.
>> Jimmy: TRAINS ARE FUN. I HEAR YOU KNOW A LOT ABOUT THE
ELEMENTS, THE PERIODIC TABLE. IS THAT TRUE?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I HAPPEN TO KNOW A LOT ABOUT THE ELEMENTS.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ELEMENT?
>> ARGON.
>> Jimmy: ARGON? I HAPPEN TO KNOW A LOT ABOUT THE
ELEMENTS TOO. I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE FUN IF WE
HAD A LITTLE CONTEST HERE TO SEE WHO KNOWS MORE ABOUT THE
ELEMENTS, OKAY?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: OKAY. ALL RIGHT. SO YOUR MOM'S GOING TO SHOW US
SOME CARDS. IS THAT HOW IT WORKS?
>> YEP, I'VE GOT SOME CARDS AND WE'RE GOING TO SEE WHO KNOWS
THEIR ELEMENTS.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
>> LET'S SEE.
>> Jimmy: I HOPE IT'S ME, KASHE.
>> THE FIRST ONE IS TO KASHE. WHAT IS THIS ONE?
>> LITHIUM.
>> Jimmy: LITHIUM IS CORRECT.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> NEXT ONE IS FOR MR. JIMMY. HERE'S YOURS.
>> Jimmy: OKAY. UM ‐‐
>> CALCIUM.
[ LAUGHTER AND CORRECT.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING, CALCIUM.
THANK YOU, KASHE, I NEEDED A LITTLE HELP WITH THAT ONE.
>> NEXT ONE IS FOR YOU, WHAT'S THIS ONE?
>> POTASSIUM.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> THAT'S CORRECT. TELL MR. JIMMY WHAT HAS
POTASSIUM.
>> BANANAS.
>> Jimmy: BANANAS, YES, THEY'RE DELICIOUS. YES, OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
>> NEXT ONE IS FOR MR. JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: HM ‐‐
>> CHLORINE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, RIGHT, CHLORINE, I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT BUT
THERE'S NO "H."
>> MR. JIMMY ‐‐
>> I'M OVERTHINKING IT, I'M OVERTHINKING IT.
KASHE, I THINK YOU'RE WINNING SO FAR. YOU'VE EVEN ANSWERED MY
QUESTIONS. OKAY.
>> NEXT ONE. MISS KASHE ‐‐
>> BARIUM.
>> BARIUM IS CORRECT, GOOD JOB,.
AND THE NEXT ONE ‐‐
>> BARIU.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU LIKE BEING A GENIUS?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU GET EXCITED WHEN YOU KNOW THE ANSWERS TO
THINGS?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU THINK THE KIDS THAT YOU GO TO SCHOOL WITH ARE
SILLY?
>> YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: DO YOU EVER PICK YOUR NOSE AND EAT IT?
>> YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: SAME HERE, SAME HERE.
>> SHE'S HONEST, SHE'S HONEST.
>> Jimmy: EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE A SUPER‐HIGH INTELLECT, KASHE, I
KNOW THAT YOU STILL LOVE KID'S STUFF, LIKE "FROZEN," RIGHT?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WELL, WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL SURPRISE FOR YOU,
BECAUSE MY FRIEND GUILLERMO WENT TO ARENDELLE LAST NIGHT.
>> WHAT?
>> Jimmy: WE FOUND ALL OF ANNA AND ELSA'S CLOTHES.
>> WHOA!
>> OH!
>> Jimmy: AND YOU KNOW WHAT WE DID?
>> WOW!
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> Jimmy: ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?
>> IS SHE BEAUTIFUL?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH. SO ALL OF THESE CLOTHES ARE FOR
YOU. YOU CAN WEAR THEM WHILE YOU'RE
STUFF LIKE THAT. AND SECONDLY, WE'RE GOING TO
SEND YOU TO THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH IS?
BESIDES THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE?
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH IS DISNEYLAND.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WE'RE GOING TO SEND YOU TO DISNEYLAND.
I THINK IT'S OPEN NOW. IF IT'S NOT OPEN, I APOLOGIZE,
THIS IS A TERRIBLE PRANK TO PLAY ON A CHILD.
DO YOU WANT TO PUT THIS MINNIE MOUSE HAT ON?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, CAN I HELP YOU WITH THAT?
ALL RIGHT, THERE YOU GO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
ALL RIGHT, THERE YOU GO.
>> WHAT DO YOU SAY?
>> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, KASHE. HEY, LISTEN.
WHEN YOU FIGURE OUT A CURE FOR SOMETHING, LET US KNOW, OKAY?
WE WANT TO BE IN ON THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THANK YOU, GUYS. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR LITTLE
GENIUS. I'M GOING TO YELL AT MY KIDS SO
MUCH TONIGHT WHEN I GET HOME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S THE QUEST FAMILY. WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW TONIGHT.
WILLIAM JACKSON HARPER IS WITH US.
WE HAVE MUSIC FROM HALF ALIVE. AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
DAVID HARBOUR, SO STICK AROUND!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: HOW, BEAUTIFUL. A REAL DISNEY PRINCESS.
WELCOME BACK. TONIGHT, FROM THE NEW SHOW "THE
UNDERGROUND RAIL BODY" ON AMAZON PRIME, WILLIAM JACKSON HARPER IS
WITH US. THEN LATER, THEY ARE FROM
LONG BEACH, CALIFORNIA. AND THEY PUT ON A HECK OF A SHOW.
YOU CAN SEE THEM LIVE HERE IN L.A. AT THE WILTERN THEATER
SEPTEMBER 16th. THEIR NEW SONG IS CALLED "WHAT'S WRONG."
MUSIC FROM HALF ALIVE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THIS WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS WITH MICHAEL CHE, DJ KHALED,
RACHEL WEISZ, ROB RIGGLE, CILLIAN MURPHY ‐‐ WITH MUSIC
FROM WILLIE JONES, FOUSHEÉ, AND AN ALL‐KID PUNK BAND THE LINDA
LINDAS WILL JOIN US AS WELL.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT. OUR FIRST GUEST IS A TWO‐TIME
EMMY NOMINATED CHIEF OF POLICE IN A TOWN WITH A SERIOUS DEMON
PROBLEM. NEXT, HE STARS ALONGSIDE SCARLETT JOHANSSON IN "BLACK
WIDOW." IT COMES TO THEATERS AND DISNEY
PLUS PREMIER ACCESS JULY 9th. SAY HELLO TO DAVID HARBOUR.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU, DAVID.
>> NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO. THE VACCINATED HANDSHAKE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S THE FIRSTHAND SHAKE I'VE HAD IN
QUITE SOME TIME. CAN I QUIZ YOU ON THE PERIODIC
TABLE?
>> YEAH, I DON'T KNOW IF I'M AS GOOD AS KASHE. ZINC?
>> Jimmy: ZINC, ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
>> YEAH! ZINC OXIDE.
>> Jimmy: HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?
>> CUBIC ZIRCONIUM?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, YES!
>> THAT'S IT, THAT'S.
>> Jimmy: AND FINALLY?
>> NIACIN?
>> Jimmy: THAT ONE'S SODIUM.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> I SHOULD KNOW THAT.
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD.
>> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS, BY THE WAY, ON YOUR NUPTIALS.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: YOU GOT MARRIED.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I WAS SO BADLY ‐‐ YEAH.
THE WAY I THINK PEOPLE FOUND OUT YOU GOT MARRIED, CORRECT ME IF I
HAVE THIS WRONG. FOR WHATEVER REASON, CLARK
COUNTY, NEVADA, HAS A TWITTER ACCOUNT.
THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IN THE FIRST PLACE.
CLARK COUNTY, WHERE LAS VEGAS IS, FOR SOME REASON TWEETED YOU
AND YOUR WIFE, YOUR MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THEY POSTED IT PUBLICLY. YOU AND LILY ALLEN.
DID YOU GIVE THEM PERMISSION TO DO THAT?
>> NO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
CLEARLY, WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS DOES NOT STAY IN VEG HAS.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
IT'S OUT RAGE JUST. WE REGISTERED THE NIGHT BEFORE,
AND IT BROKE, YEAH. WE WERE TRYING TO GET IN AND OUT
REAL QUICK.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S CRAZY.
>> YEAH. WELL. YOU KNOW. IT'S VEGAS.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S THE COUNTY THAT DID THAT.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THEN AFTER ‐‐ I ASSUME YOU HAD YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS AND
FRIENDS GOING LIKE, OH, HEY, UH ‐‐ CONGRATULATIONS.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THANKS FOR NOT TELLING US.
>> IT WAS AWKWARD, YEAH, IT WAS AWKWARD.
>> Jimmy: YOU TWEETED A PHOTO, BECAUSE YOU MIGHT AS WELL AT
THIS POINT.
[ APPLAUSE ]
YOU AND LILY AND ELVIS PRESLEY. NOT THE ELVIS PRESLEY, A ELVIS
PRESLEY.
>> SEEMED LIKE THE REAL ONE TO ME, ALIVE AND PERFORMING
WEDDINGS IN VEGAS. IT'S FUNNY. WE DID IT, WHAT WAS IT,
SEPTEMBER? I SHOULD KNOW THIS, YOU SHOULD
KNOW YOUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY? I THINK SEPTEMBER, IN LAS VEGAS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE WENT FOR JUST LIKE A DAY ‐‐
>> Jimmy: LET ME LOOK AT YOUR MARRIAGE LICENSE.
>> THAT'S WHY WE NEEDED THE TWEET, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THE 7th OF SEPTEMBER.
>> 7th OF SEPTEMBER, OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE HAD TO DO IT, LIKE WE GOT ENGAGED RIGHT BEFORE THE
PANDEMIC. HIT, NOTHING WAS HAPPENING.DEMI‐
BUT WHEN WE WERE ‐‐ RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE PANDEMIC ‐‐ SHE
HAS TWO KIDS, THESE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS, 8 AND 9.
WE WERE RIDING BIKES OUT IN THE COUNTRY, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT WE WERE GOING TO DO THE NEXT YEAR OR HOWEVER LONG IT WAS
GOING TO TAKE. THE LITTLE ONE WAS RIDING ALONG,
SHE WAS GOING, DAVID ‐‐ DAD ‐‐ DAVE ‐‐ DAD ‐‐ THE "D" GOT HER
CONFUSED. THE OLDER ONE GOT UPSET, WHICH I
UNDERSTAND. "HE'S NOT OUR DAD!" THE YOUNGER ONE IS LIKE, WHAT IS
HE? HE'S KIND OF OUR DAD. NO, HE'S NOT!
HE'S KIND OF OUR STEP CAD! NO, HE'S NOT! WHAT IS HE?
HE'S JUST SOME GUY IN OUR LIVES!
[ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, FOR REAL. AND I WAS LIKE ‐‐ I NEED TO
MARRY THIS WOMAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE THE EMOTIONAL FALLOUT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. NOW HOW ARE YOU REFERRED TO?
>> STILL LIKE SOME GUY IN OUR LIVES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S THE FAVORITE THING I'VE EVER BEEN CALLED.
>> Jimmy: SOME GUY.
>> 9 YEARS OLD. SOME DIE IN OUR LIVES!
[ LAUGHTER ]
9 YEARS OLD GOING ON 35. JUST SOME GUY IN OUR LIVES!
>> Jimmy: THAT'S PRETTY GOOD. ARE YOU FINISHED WITH SHOOTING
"STRANGER THINGS"? THIS SEASON? CAN YOU SAY?
>> I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY, BUT I'LL TELL YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU.
>> YEAH, I'M ALMOST DONE. I GOT ONE MORE LITTLE STINT.
WE SHOULD BE DONE IN LIKE AUGUST. BUT I ‐‐ YEAH.
I GOT TO SHAVE THIS AGAIN.
>> Jimmy: WE THOUGHT HOPPER WAS DEAD, THEN HOPPER'S NOT DEAD.
IF I'M RUINING ANYTHING, I APOLOGIZE.
BUT INSTEAD HE IS IN A, WELL, A RUSSIAN PRISON CELL.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: YES. WE DON'T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED,
EXACTLY.
>> RIGHT, RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: YES.
>> WE DON'T. I DO. BT WE DON'T.
>> Jimmy: WE DON'T.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: ARE THEY NICE? RUSSIAN PRISON CELLS?
I'VE NOT BEEN. DO THEY BASE THEM ON REAL ONES?
>> THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. THEY BASE THEM ON 1980s MOVIE
VERSIONS OF RUSSIAN GULAGS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S SORT OF THE TROPE OF OUR SHOW. IT'S FUNNY.
YEAH, LIKE WE FINISHED THIS SEASON ‐‐ I GUESS IT WAS MARCH?
OF 2019? RIGHT? THEN IT CAME OUT ‐‐ I'M GETTING
A BIT ‐‐ THE YEARS ‐‐
>> Jimmy: RIGHT, IT CAME OUT ‐‐
>> RIGHT BEFORE THE ‐‐ YEAH, 2019. WE FINISHED MARCH OF 2019.
YOU KNOW, I KNEW THAT I WAS GOING TO BE IN THIS RUSSIAN
PRISON. THEN LITERALLY A MONTH LATER, I
GOT A CALL FROM MARVEL THAT THEY
WANTED ME TO PLAY A GUY WHO STARTS OUT, LIKE IN A RUSSIAN
PRISON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND I WAS LIKE, THIS IS FANTASTIC.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT TWITTER AND REDDIT AND ALL THOSE GUYS DO
WITH IT. SO THERE'S ALL THESE CONSPIRACY
THEORIES, LIKE HOPPER WENT TO RUSSIA AND THEN PUT ON A SUPER
SUIT AND NOW IS THE RED GUARDIAN IN THIS "BLACK WIDOW" MOVIE.
>> Jimmy: WOULDN'T IT BE AWESOME IF THEY TIED THOSE TOGETHER?
WOULDN'T IT BE BETTER IF THEY DOUBLED IT UP ON AND YOU BANGED
THOSE SCENES UP WHILE YOU WERE THERE?
>> IT WOULD MAKE SHOOTING EASIER, I'LL GET THEM ON THAT.
>> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T SUGGEST THAT?
>> I HAVEN'T.
>> Jimmy: WAS ONE PRISON NICER THAN THE OTHER PRISON?
WAS THE MARVEL PRISON BUG BUDGET?
>> YEAH, A LITTLE MORE BUDGET, YEAH.
I WAS ON SET, YOU KNOW ‐‐ I'D GROWN OUT ‐‐ WE FINISHED THE
SEASON IN MARCH, I GREW OUT MY HAIR, THEN I GOT CAST IN THIS
OTHER THING TO PLAY A RUSSIAN PRISONER.
I HAD LONG HAIR, THIS BEARD, I WAS BIG.
AND I THOUGHT, I CAN'T BE THE SAME GUY WITH LONG HAIR AND A
BEARD IN THE SAME PRISON. I WAS, LIKE, TAKING PICTURES OF
THE SET, UNBEKNOWNST TO ANYONE, AND SENDING THEM TO THE DIFFER
BROTHERS, MAKING SURE THEY DIDN'T USE ANY OF THE SAME
COLORS AS THE SET, MAKING SURE THE LOOKS WERE DIFFERENT, THE
OUTFITS WERE DIFFERENT.
>> Jimmy: REALLY?
>> YES, I DEPARTMENT SENDING PHOTOS.
FINALLY AT THE END, YOU KNOW ‐‐ I HAD ALL THIS HAIR THIS BEARD.
WE PLANNED TO DO IT THAT WAY. I WAS LIKE, GUYS, WE CAN'T DO
THIS, I'M COMING OUT WITH THIS MARVEL MOVIE, I CAN'T HAVE THE
BEARD AND HAIR. WE CAME UP WITH A WHOLE
DIFFERENT LOOK FOR IT. WE HAD HIM SHAVE HIS HEAD.
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> THIS WHOLE THING.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S PRETTY CRAZY. THAT CAN'T BE A COINCIDENCE.
YOURE MAKING THIS STORY UP. THERE HAS TO BE A CONNECTION,
YOU'RE TRYING TO DERAIL IT IS WHAT'S GOING ON.
>> I WOULD NEVER DO THAT WITH YOU.
>> Jimmy: WHICH DUFFER BROTHER DO YOU LIKE BETTER?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THE YOUNGER ONE.
>> Jimmy: THE YOUNGER ONE?
>> NO, IT'S FUNNY. THEY LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME TO ME
WHEN I STARTED. NOW THEY LOOK SO DIFFERENT, I
DON'T EVEN THINK OF THEM AS BROTHERS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEY JUST HAVE BECOME COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ENTITIES.
>> Jimmy: THEY ARE BROTHERS, THAT'S NOT ANOTHER CONSPIRACY?
>> TWIN BROTHERS, YEAH. I LIKE ROSS BETTER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IN "STRANGER THINGS," YOU'RE HOPPER, YOU DON'T HAVE A
RUSSIAN ACCENT. BUT IN THIS MOVIE, YOU'VE GOT A
RUSSIAN ACCENT.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: "BLACK WIDOW."
>> MAKES NO SENSE.
>> Jimmy: IT MAKES SENSE.
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: WHY?
>> IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
>> Jimmy: WHY DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSE?
>> I'VE HAD THIS DISCUSSION SO MANY TIMES.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO HEAR YOUR LOGIC.
>> IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, WHY?
>> SO HE'S RUSSIAN.
>> Jimmy: YEAH?
>> IN RUSSIA.
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH?
>> HE'D BE SPEAKING RUSSIAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH? YES?
>> SO THE ENTIRE MOVIE SHOULD BE ME SPEAKING RUSSIAN WITH
SUBTITLES.
>> Jimmy: LET THEM MAKE THEIR OWN MARVEL MOVIES.
FOR US, WE GET ENGLISH. YOU KNOW?
BECAUSE THEN EVERYBODY HAS TO ‐‐
>> I KNOW, IT'S NOT THE BEST LOOK FOR A MARVEL MOVIE, LIKE A
PG‐13. YOU JUST READING SUBTITLES THE
ENTIRE MOVIE. YEAH, IT WAS NOT WELL RECEIVED
BY THE PRODUCERS WHEN I BROUGHT THAT UP.
>> Jimmy: YOU REMEMBER WHEN TOM CRUISE TRIED TO KILL HITLER IN
THAT MOVIE? AND THEN HE HAD LIKE ‐‐ ALMOST
EVERYONE HAD A GERMAN ACCENT BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE A GERMAN ACCENT?
>> I KNOW.
>> Jimmy: MAYBE HE WENT WITH YOUR LINE OF LOGIC AND HE HELD
STRONG.
>> SEE? BRILLIANT. I CAVED, THOUGH.
I DO HAVE A RUSSIAN ACCENT YEAH. YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE A LITTLE
RUSSIAN SOMETHING.
>> Jimmy: HEY, LISTEN, A RUSSIAN ACCENT IS FUN.
I'M SURE THEY'RE KIND OF HAPPY. BECAUSE YOU'RE A GOOD GUY.
HE'S A GOOD GUY, RIGHT?
>> YEAH, HE'S A ‐‐ YEAH. I MEAN, HE'S A VERY ‐‐ I MEAN,
WHO'S A GOOD GUY AT HEART, BUT HE'S DEFINITELY GOT PROBLEMS.
>> Jimmy: WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE GOING TO SEE A LITTLE BIT
OF THAT AND THE PROBLEM. "BLACK WIDOW" IS THE MOVIE.
DAVID HARBOUR IS HERE. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>>> AHEM! IT STILL FITS.
>> WHOO‐HOO!
>> OH MY GOSH.
>> I KNOW, I WASHED IT ONCE.
COME AND DRINK.
♪ I BEEN WORKING ON THE DA DA
DA ♪ FAMILY. BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THAT IS DAVID HARBOUR? "BLACK WIDOW."
THEY MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE. EVEN THOUGH YOU INITIALLY
DISAGREED.
>> YOU LIKE THE RUSSIAN ACCENT? YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LOVED THAT
SCENE IN RUSSIAN, READING SUBTITLES?
>> Jimmy: IT'S NOT DOSTOYEVSKY, IT'S A MARVEL MOVIE.
CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING PART OF THE MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WHICH IS A VERY BIG DEAL.
>> WELL. IT IS. I MEAN, I THINK YOU WOULD KNOW
HOW BIG OF A DEAL IT IS.
>> Jimmy: OH, WELL ‐‐
>> CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU.
>> Jimmy: I CAN'T REALLY TALK ABOUT THAT, BUT THANK YOU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> COME ON. YOU'RE PLAYING CRAVE ANYONE THE
NEW SPIDER‐MAN.
>> Jimmy: THEY'D BE UPSET IF I TALK ABOUT ANY OF THAT STUFF.
I OFFICIALLY SAY, FOR THE RECORD, I HAVE NO COMMENT IS
WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. BUT LET TALK ABOUT ‐‐
>> I'M EXCITED.
>> LET'S FOCUS ON YOU AND THE FACT THAT YOU, EVEN NOW, ARE AN
ACTION FIGURE.
>> WHOA.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE NOT JUST SOME GUY IN SOMEBODY'S LIFE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
YOU'RE AN ACTION FIGURE.
>> COMPLETE WITH GRAPPLING HOOK.
>> Jimmy: YOU'VE GOT A GRAPPLING HOOK.
>> AND SHIELD.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S PRETTY COOL.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS LIKE THE RED GUARDIAN, THE RUSSIAN VERSION OF
CAPTAIN AMERICA?
>> KIND OF. A LOT LESS IN SHAPE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT A LOT MORE ‐‐ A NICE, THING BEARD ON HIM.
>> Jimmy: THE NICE, THICK BEARD.
>> OFFSETS THAT BIG BELLY, AUGMENTS IT.
HE'S LIKE A COMMUNIST SANTA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE ANOTHER PROJECT THAT WE'RE GOING TO
WORLD PREMIERE THE TRAILER FOR.
>> YEAH, IT'S EXCITING. I'M REALLY EXCITED TO BRING IT
TO YOU GUYS.
>> Jimmy: IS THIS SHOT DURING THE PANDEMIC?
>> YES. THIS WAS SOMETHING TOWARDS THE
END OF THE PANDEMIC. I MEAN, WE'VE ALL BEEN THROUGH
SUCH HARD TIMES THIS PAST YEAR. AND I FEEL LIKE THERE'S A
CERTAIN SUBSET OF PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN THROUGH A TREMENDOUSLY
HARD TIME, WHICH ARE EDUCATORS.
>> Jimmy: YES, FOR SURE.
>> SO I WANTED TO BRING THIS, YOU KNOW ‐‐ THIS STORY TO
PEOPLE, JUST TO INSPIRE THEM.
>> Jimmy: HERE IT IS, THE FIRST LOOK AT THE NEW PROJECT FROM
DAVID HARBOUR.
>> I WANT YOU TO PUT YOUR BOOKS AWAY.
ANCHOR YOURSELVES NOT IN THE DUSTY TEXTS THRUST UPON YOU BY
THE SCHOOL BOARD, BUT IN THE RICH TAPESTRY OF THE WORLD
AROUND YOU. HISTORY IS NOT THE ROTE
MEMORIZATION OF DATES AND BATTLES WON AND LOST.
IT IS THE LIVING, BREATHING
RECORD OF HUMANITY ITSELF.
THE MIND IS NOT A VESSEL TO BE FILLED, BUT A FIRE TO BE
KINDLED.
CHALLENGE WHAT IS EXPECTED OF YOU. YES, WHAT?
>> YOU'RE MUTED. WE CAN'T HEAR A THING YOU'RE
SAYING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WHAT? OH, DAMMIT, WHAT DO I ‐‐ WHAT DO
I ‐‐ DO I HIT THE SPEAKER THING?
>> IS THAT WHERE YOU LIVE?
>> I'M KIND NERVE BETWEEN THINGS RIGHT NOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
CAN YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU HEAR ME?
>> YEAH, BUT YOU TURNED A FILTER ON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, WHAT IS ‐‐ HELLO? HOW DO I GET THAT OFF? HEY, HEY!
STOP LAUGHING AT ME!
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WOW. YOU'VE GOT A LOT GOING ON.
DAVID HARBOUR, EVERYBODY! "BLACK WIDOW" OPENS IN THEATERS
AND ON DISNEY PLUS PREMIER ACCESS JULY 9th.
THANK YOU, DAVID. WE'LL BE BACK WITH WILLIAM
JACKSON HARPER!
>> Jimmy: HI, THERE. WELCOME BACK.
MUSIC FROM HALF ALIVE IS ON THE WAY. YOU KNOW OUR NEXT GUEST FROM
"THE GOOD PLACE," FOR WHICH HE WAS NOMINATED FOR AN EMMY.
HIS NEW SHOW, "THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD," IS ON AMAZON PRIME
VIDEO. PLEASE WELCOME WILLIAM JACKSON HARPER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HEY, THERE, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> WHAT'S UP, MAN? HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> Jimmy: DOING VERY WELL, THANK YOU. YOU LOOK RELAXED.
IS THAT THE CHAIR NOBODY ELSE IS ALLOWED TO SIT IN IN YOUR HOUSE?
>> IT KIND OF IS. THIS IS A HOLDOVER FROM MY OLD
ROOMMATES WHEN WE WERE CAMPED OUT TOGETHER.
IT'S THE ONE THING THAT'S MADE IT INTO THE HOUSE WITH ME AND MY
GIRLFRIEND.
>> Jimmy: EVERYTHING GOT WHITTLED AND PARED DOWN? YEAH.
>> DUDE, I OWNED A LOT OF TRASH FOR A LONG TIME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS THE ONE THAT DID MAKE IT.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD‐LOOKING CHAIR, YEAH.
I'M GLAD YOU GOT TO PRESERVE THAT THING.
WAS THERE A FIGHT BETWEEN THE ROOMMATES AS TO WHO GOT IT?
>> NO, NO. I BOUGHT THIS CHAIR.
IT WAS COMING WITH ME AT ALL TIMES.
>> Jimmy: I GOTCHA.
>> YEAH, I MEAN, IT WAS A COMFY CHAIR. MANY A BASKETBALL GAME WAS
WATCHED IN THIS CHAIR.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU FRIENDS CALL YOU WILL OR WILLIAM OR BILL?
>> WELL, USUALLY ‐‐ USUALLY WIL. BUT LIKE MY OLD ROOMMATES USED
TO CALL ME BILL WHENEVER THEY WERE ATTACHING SOME KIND OF
PEJORATIVE TO IT. IF I WAS PARTICULARLY OUT OF
SHAPE, I WAS "SOFT BILL." GETTING WILD AT THE BAR, "DRUNK
BILL." I WAS THE OLD MAN AT THE APARTMENT, "OLD MAN BILL" A LOT.
WHENEVER THEY WERE MAKING FUN OF ME.
>> Jimmy: NOW YOU'RE "DOLLAR BILL" AND THEY'RE LIVING WITH
OLD FURNITURE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
MOST PEOPLE KNOW YOU FROM "GOOD PLACE" WHICH YOU GOT NOMINATED
FOR AN EMMY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WHICH MUST HAVE BEEN A BRIGHT LIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF PRETTY
DARK YEAR AS FAR AS YEARS GO?
>> YEAH, YEAH. IT WAS, YEAH.
LAST YEAR WAS A CRAZY, TOUGH YEAR.
IT WAS TOUGH ‐‐ IT WAS TOUGH FOR MY DOG.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WHY WAS IT ‐‐
>> HAVING A HARD TIME.
>> Jimmy: HE WAS SEEING TOO MUCH OF YOU?
>> I'M SURE IT WAS PART OF IT. GOT SO BAD, WE CONTACTED A DOG
PSYCHIC.
[ LAUGHTER ]
TO SORT OF HASH OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH HIM.
BECAUSE HE WOULDN'T LET ME PET HIM.
HE WAS ACTING LIKE HE WAS AFRAID OF ME AND STUFF.
WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT? SO ‐‐
>> Jimmy: CAN I ASK A QUICK QUESTION?
IS THE DOG PSYCHIC ALSO A DOG?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NOT THAT I KNOW.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
>> AT LEAST OVER THE PHONE. IT SOUNDED LIKE A WOMAN.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
>> BUT YEAH, LIKE SHE ‐‐ SHE HAD A LONG WAITING LIST.
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE GOING THROUGH STUFF
WITH THEIR PETS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND ACTUALLY, LIKE THE MORNING THAT I GOT THE CALL THAT I GOT
NOMINATED, I WAS ACTUALLY ON A CALL WITH THE DOG PSYCHIC.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHO HAD SAID, I'M GOING TO GET ON THE PHONE WITH CHICO, GET HIM
ON LINE, HE'LL PROBABLY COME OVER AND HIS EYES WILL FLUTTER,
WE'LL GO INTO A TRANCE. I WAS LIKE, THIS IS NOT GOING TO
HAPPEN OVER THE PHONE WITH A DOG, IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
SHE GOT ON THE PHONE. I SWEAR TO YOU, CHICO CAME OUT
OF HIS HUTCH, LAID DOWN ON HIS BED, CONKED OUT, EYES FLUTTERING.
AND THEN SHE WAS JUST SORT OF GOING THROUGH, YOU KNOW, WHAT
WAS BOTHERING HIM AND WHATEVER.
SHE ASKED HIM TO DESCRIBE HIMSELF.
HE SAID HE WAS ATHLETIC, THEN HE CORRECTED HIMSELF, "ATHLETIC
ENOUGH."
[ LAUGHTER ]
AT WHICH POINT, MY GIRLFRIEND AND I KNEW THAT THIS WAS ‐‐ THIS
IS OUR DOG.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THROWING DOWN QUALIFIERS. YOU KNOW.
THAT IS A FAMILY MEMBER.
>> Jimmy: DID CHICO HAVE ANY IDEA THAT YOU WERE GOING TO BE
NOMINATED FOR AN EMMY THAT DAY? OR WAS THAT NOT IN CHICO'S BRAIN?
>> I DON'T THINK ‐‐ I DON'T THINK HE CARED, NO.
>> Jimmy: HE DIDN'T CARE, YEAH.
>> NO, I MEAN ‐‐ AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T ‐‐ IF IT DOESN'T COME
WITH LIKE A PIECE OF BEEF FOR HIM, HE'S UNCONCERNED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO, YOU KNOW. HE WAS JUST KNOCKED OUT IN HIS
LITTLE TRANCE, ANSWERING QUESTIONS.
>> Jimmy: THE DOG PSYCHIC, SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO PICK
UP ON YOU, ON WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOUR LIFE? ONLY THE DOG?
>> ONLY THE DOG. I'M SURE SHE WAS READING ME.
BUT SHE DIDN'T TELL ME, WHICH I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT SHE SAW.
>> Jimmy: MAY I ASK HOW MUCH THIS COST?
WHAT DOES IT COST FOR A DOG PSYCHIC?
>> IT COSTS TOO MUCH DAMN MONEY.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: IS IT MORE THAN NOTHING IS I GUESS WHAT I'M
ASKING?
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: THEN IT WAS TOO MUCH, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M SURE YOU'VE SEEN ONLINE THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE WANT YOU TO PLAY
SUPERMAN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> YES. YEAH.
>> Jimmy: BY THE WAY, EVEN IF YOU DON'T PLAY INTERMAN, IT'S
KIND OF AWESOME THAT PEOPLE HEAR SUPERMAN AND THINK YOU SHOULD BE
SUPER MACHINE. I DON'T THINK THERE'S A SINGLE
PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD THAT GOES, OH, THEY'RE GOING TO MAKE
A SUPERMAN, JIMMY KIMMEL WOULD BE GREAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH, DUDE, NO, IT WAS LIKE ‐‐ IT DEFINITELY BLIND
SIDED ME. I MEAN, IT CAME UP ‐‐ I WAS
DOING ANOTHER INTERVIEW, AND THIS GUY WAS LIKE, YEAH, 55,000
LIKES. YOU GO WHAT? WHY? WHO KNOWS ME? YOU KNOW?
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEN YEAH I MEAN ‐‐ THAT WOULD BE DOPE, I MEAN, I WOULD ‐‐ THAT
WOULD BE THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO ME.
TO BE ABLE TO PLAY SUPERMAN. I DON'T WANT TO DO THE DIET.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND THE EXERCISE.
>> Jmmy: OH, YEAH, RIGHT.
>> YOU KNOW.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU THINK THERE'S ANYTHING TO YOU WEARING GLASSES
IN "THE GOOD PLACE" AND THEN PEOPLE GOING, OH, YEAH, HE COULD
TAKE THOSE OFF AND BE SUPERMAN?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I MEAN, I THINK SO.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> THAT'S GOT TO BE ON THE ‐‐ THE EXPLANATION, YOU KNOW?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: BECAUSE I MEAN, OTHERWISE, I MEAN, I'M JUST A
NERDY PROFESSOR DUDE. I DON'T KNOW.
>> Jimmy: YOUR NEW SHOW, BARRY JENKINS, THE OSCAR‐WINNING
DIRECTOR, HE DIRECTED THIS SHOW BASED ON A PULITZER
PRIZE‐WINNING NOVEL. DO I HAVE THIS CORRECT?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE GETTING FANTASTIC REVIEWS FOR THIS.
ARE YOU LOOKING AT THAT SORT OF THING?
>> YOU KNOW, SOMEWHAT. YOU KNOW, I'M ALWAYS CURIOUS
WHAT PEOPLE ARE ‐‐ HOW PEOPLE ARE TAKING IT, YOU KNOW.
BUT YEAH, NOT ‐‐ NOT TOO MUCH.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU PUT YOUR GLASSES ON WHEN YOU LOOK AT
THOSE REVIEWS?
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS KIND OF COOL TOO. THIS IS A PICTURE OF YOU LOOKING
AT YOURSELF IN NEW YORK ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
ON A BILLBOARD. WHO TOOK THIS PICTURE?
>> MY GIRLFRIEND, ALLIE. I ACTUALLY SAW SOME OF MY OTHER
CASTMATES HAD POSTED THAT, YOU KNOW, THAT THERE WAS A BILLBOARD
IN TIMES SQUARE. THAT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT
AS AN ACTOR MOVING TO THE CITY YOU'RE LIKE, YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE
THAT DREAM, ONE DAY I'M GOING TO BE THERE!
WITHIN A MONTH YOU'RE SORT OF LIKE, OR I'LL JUST TAKE A JOB.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND SO, LIKE, HAVING THAT ACTUALLY HAPPEN, IT WAS JUST
LIKE ONE OF THOSE THINGS, SHE WAS LIKE, WE GOT TO SEE THAT,
MAN.
>> Jimmy: YES, SURE.
>> YEAH, WE GOT TO SEE THAT LIVE.
>> Jimmy: AM I INCORRECT IN SAYING THAT IT LOOKS TO ME LIKE
YOU DIDN'T EVEN ACTUALLY STOP? THAT YOU WERE JUST KIND OF
WALKING?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I ‐‐ I KIND OF TRIED TO. MY GIRLFRIEND DEFINITELY MADE ME
STAY AND LOOK. THERE WAS A COUPLE WITH ME
FACING THE CAMERA WHICH LOOKED CORNY AS HELL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
LET'S JUST DO THE ONE WHERE WE'RE JUST LOOKING, AND THAT'S
MUCH MORE TASTEFUL.
>> Jimmy: WELL, CONGRATULATIONS ON ALL THESE FANTASTIC THINGS.
HAPPENING TO YOU AND TO YOUR DOG, CHICO ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
TO EVERYBODY, REALLY. "THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD" OUT
ON AMAZON PRIME VIDEO NOW. THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH US.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WILLIAM JACKSON HARPER, EVERYBODY, SUPERMAN.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH HALF ALIVE.
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: THESE GUYS PUT A LOT OF WORK INTO WHAT WE ARE ABOUT
TO SEE, SO PLEASE PAY ATTENTION. WITH THE SONG "WHAT'S WRONG,"
FROM LONG BEACH, CALIFORNIA ‐‐ HALF ALIVE!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
♪ TIME IS ALWAYS RIGHT
IN PAST TENSE AVOIDING IS MY NEWEST OBSESSION ♪
♪ STARTED WITH THE RIGHT
INTENTIONS BUT LEFT EM ON THE SHELF ♪
♪ SO TELL ME HOW TO
LIVE IN TENSION CAUSE EVERY COULD'VE ♪
♪ BEEN KILLS WHEN
LIVING HERE HAS BEEN HELL AND I CAN'T HOLD IT MYSELF ♪
♪ THE WHISPER IN MY HEART
IT COULD NEVER SPEAK UP THE MESSAGE IN MY CHEST ♪
♪ GATHERED TOO MUCH DUST
I CAN'T AFFORD THE TRUTH EVEN IF IT'S UNJUST ♪
♪ KEEP IT TOP SHELF
KEEP IT ALL LOCKED UP SO YIPPEE KI‐YAY ♪
♪ IT'S NOT MY BLOOD
BUT EVERY SINGLE DAY IT CALLS MY BLUFF ♪
♪ IT'S NOT OK THEN
IT AIN'T QUITE DONE THEN IT AIN'T QUITE DONE ♪
♪ NO
THE TIME'S ALWAYS RIGHT TO FIX WHAT'S WRONG ♪
♪ LOOKING THROUGH A
HAZE I'M BASING EVERYTHING AROUND ♪
♪ ME ON TRACES
THE CRIMINAL I'VE BEEN CHASING IS ♪
♪ WEARING MY SHOES
THE WHISPER IN MY HEART IT COULD NEVER SPEAK UP ♪
♪ THE MESSAGE IN MY CHEST
GATHERED TOO MUCH DUST I CAN'T AFFORD THE TRUTH ♪
♪ EVEN IF IT'S UNJUST
KEEP IT TOP SHELF KEEP IT ALL LOCKED UP ♪
♪ SO YIPPEE KI‐YAY
IT'S NOT MY BLOOD BUT EVERY SINGLE DAY ♪
♪ IT CALLS MY BLUFF
IT'S NOT OK THEN IT AIN'T QUITE DONE ♪
♪ THEN IT AIN'T QUITE DONE
NO ♪
♪ OH MY GOD IT AIN'T QUITE
DONE ♪
♪ IT AIN'T QUITE DONE IT AIN'T
QUITE DONE ♪
♪ OH MY GOD IT AIN'T QUITE
DONE HOLD ON IT AIN'T QUITE DONE ♪
♪ OH MY GOD IT AIN'T QUITE
WHY HOLD ON ♪
♪ IT AIN'T QUITE
LOVE, HOLD ON IT AIN'T QUITE DONE ♪
♪ THE TIME'S ALWAYS RIGHT
TO FIX WHAT'S WRONG ♪
♪ THE TIME'S ALWAYS RIGHT
TO FIX WHAT'S WRONG ♪
♪ THE TIME'S ALWAYS RIGHT
TO FIX WHAT'S WRONG ♪
♪ THE TIME'S ALWAYS RIGHT
TO FIX WHAT'S WRONG ♪
♪ THE TIME'S ALWAYS RIGHT
TO FIX WHAT'S WRONG ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK KASHE, THE ADORABLE GENIUS,
DAVID HARBOUR, WILLIAM JACKSON HARPER, HALF
ALIVE, AND APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON ‐‐
WHO IS NOT AN ADORABLE GENIUS. TOMORROW NIGHT, RACHEL WEISS AND
ROB RIGGLE, WITH MUSIC FROM WILLIE JONES. "NIGHTLINE"IS NEXT.
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING, GOODNIGHT.