>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE"!
TONIGHT, RYAN SEACREST, YVONNE ORJI,
AND MUSIC FROM COUNTING CROWS. AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HI, EVERYBODY.
I'M JIMMY. I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW.
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. THINGS ARE SLOWLY GETTING BACK
TO NORMAL. OUR BOND THEICALLY TONES ARE
BACK IN STUDIO. YOU'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME.
>> I'VE BEEN HERE, YEAH. BECAUSE OF COVID WE HAVE NO
STUDIO AUDIENCE THE PEOPLE YOU HEAR PRETENDING TO LAUGH IS OUR
STAFF HERE AT THE SHOW. BUT TONIGHT, LAST WEEK WE HAD
ONE PERSON IN OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE, TONIGHT WE HAVE TWO.
WE'RE TAKING IT SLOW. IT'S COUPLES' NIGHT.
SAY HELLO TO OUR AUDIENCE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THERE THEY ARE. ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU AND WELCOME. WHAT ARE YOUR NAMES?
>> MY NAME IS CHELSEA. >> Jimmy: CHELSEA.
>> MY NAME IS CALEB. >> Jimmy: HOW ADORABLE, CHELSEA
AND CALEB. CHELSEA, YOU ARE WITH CHILD?
>> I AM, YES. >> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HAVE YOU SEEN THE SHOW BEFORE?
>> WE WATCH ALL THE TIME, THIS IS OUR FIRST TIME HERE.
>> Jimmy: IS IT POSSIBLE THEN THE CHILD WAS CONCEIVED WHILE
YOU WERE WATCHING THE SHOW? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I GUESS IT'S NOT IMPOSSIBLE. >> Jimmy: BUT UNLIKELY?
>> UNLIKELY. >> YEAH, PROBABLY.
>> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR WORK?
>> I'M A HIGH SCHOOL SPANISH TEACHER.
>> Jimmy: OH, BUENO. [ APPLAUSE ]
HOW ABOUT YOU? >> I'M AN ARCHITECT FOR WALT
DISNEY MAN FA IMAGINARIUM. >> Jimmy: MY FAVORITE, I WAS IN
THE SPANISH HONORS SOCIETY IN HIGH SCHOOL, THOUGH I REMEMBER
ALMOST NONE OF IT. MY FAVORITE THING TO SAY, I'D
SAY THIS ALL THE TIME RANDOMLY IN CLASS, WAS --
[ SPEAKING SPANISH ] ALWAYS MADE OUR SPANISH TEACHER
LAUGH. >> WHENEVER I TEACH MY STUDENTS
THAT, THEY LOVE THAT PHRASE, THEY THINK IT'S HILARIOUS.
>> DESCRIBES MY WHOLE STUDY AROAD EXPERIENCE.
I JUST SAID THAT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
>> Jimmy: PEOPLE LAUGH, RIGHT? >> YEP.
>> NOT ALWAYS. >> Jimmy: OH, OKAY.
AS AN IMAGINEER, WERE YOU PART OF BUILDING THE ANIMATRONIC
DONALD TRUMP IN THE HALL OF PRESIDENTS?
>> HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. >> Jimmy: I WATCHED THAT TODAY
ON YOUTUBE. THAT'S SOMETHING TO SEE, BY THE
WAY. GUILLERMO CALLED ME "PENDEJO."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE." THAT MEANS "BRAVE LEADER,"
RIGHT, ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU SAID? >> Guillermo: YES, YES, EXACTLY.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ]
WELCOME, ENJOY THE SHOW. IF YOU GET UP TO GO TO THE
BATHROOM, I'VE LOST HALF MY AUDIENCE, HOLD IT IN.
>> I WILL. >> Jimmy: DO YOU WATCH THE
BACHELOR BACHELORETTE?
>> NOT TYPICALLY. MY BEST FRIEND IS SUPER INTO IT.
>> Jimmy: DON'T BE ASHAMED THAT YOU DON'T WATCH "THE
BACHELORETTE." [ LAUGHTER ]
EMBRACE IT. THEY HAVE VERSIONS OF IT ALL
OVER THE WORLD, ESPECIALLY POPULAR IN AUSTRALIA, WHERE THEY
JUST ANNOUNCED THE FIRST OPENLY BISEXUAL BACHELORETTE.
THE CONTESTANTS FOR HER HAND WILL BE MEN AND WOMEN.
HER NAME'S BROOKE. BROOKE SAID, MY PERFECT PERSON
IS SOMEONE THAT LOVES ME FOR ME, I HOPE THEY OFFER SHARED VALUES
AND COMPASSION FOR OTHERS. SO SHE'S DEFINITELY PICKING A
WOMAN. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IT'S A LITTLE BIT HARDER TO
BELIEVE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO FIND LOVE THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY,
WHEN YOUR DATING POOL IS EVERYBODY.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT WHO AM I TO QUESTION THE
SANCTITY OF THE BACHELORETTE? A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE TREATING
THIS LIKE IT'S SOME EQUAL RIGHTS TRIUMPH.
THIS ISN'T EXACTLY JACKIE ROBINSON.
I WANT TO REMIND EVERYONE, IT'S AHOT TUB ORGY GAME SHOW, OKAY?
[ LAUGHTER ] I DO HAVE TO SAY, I'M SO MAD THE
AUSTRALIANS BEAT US TO THIS. WE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF
OURSELVES. WHAT HAPPENED TO AMERICAN
INNOVATION? WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR INGENUITY?
[ LAUGHTER ] I HOPE YOUR CHILD CAN FIX THIS
FOR US AND LEAD US IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
THIS IS SOMETHING. THE SPACE TRAVEL COMPANY OWNED
BY JEFF BEZOS, BLUE ORIGIN, I MENTIONED THIS A COUPLE OF WEEKS
AGO, THEY'RE AUCTIONING OFF A SEAT FOR THEIR UPCOMING TRIP TO
SPACE. THE HIGHEST BIDDER WILL GET
LAUNCHED INTO ORBIT. THE HIGHESTED BY RIGHT NOW, $2.8
MILLION FOR ONE SEAT ON AN 11-MINUTE FLIGHT.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST A SEAT ON THE FLIGHT.
THEIR SITE, YOU CAN SEE IT SAYS "UPON GENTLE LANDING YOU'LL BE
PICKED UP IN A TRUCK." [ LAUGHTER ]
$3 MILLION, YOU STILL HAVE TO RIDE HOME IN THE BACK OF A
TOYOTA TACOMA. [ LAUGHTER ]
THE COMPANY HASN'T REVEALED THE IDENTITY OF THE LEADING BIDDER.
BUT IT SHOULDN'T BE HARD TO NARROW IT DOWN.
WHO HAS THAT -- LET'S SEE. WHO HAS $2.8 MILLION AND MIGHT
NEED TO GET OFF THE PLANET FAST? OH, YEAH, THAT GUY.
[ LAUGHTER ] WE'LL FINALLY GET TO MEET ALL
THE ILLEGAL ALIENS HE'S BEEN SCREAMING ABOUT.
[ APPLAUSE ] IT'S BEEN A TOUGH WEEK FOR OUR
FORMER PRESIDENT. HIS FORMER LAWYER AND RIGHT-HAND
MAN, MICHAEL COHEN, THE GUY WHO MORTGAGED HIS OWN HOUSE TO PAY
STORMY DANIELS, ONLY TO BE CAST ASIDE BY MR. WONDERFUL, MICHAEL
COHEN, WHO KNOWS DONALD TRUMP A& WELL AS ANYONE, BELIEVES THAT IN
THE END THE SNAKE WILL DEVOUR HIS OWN EGGS.
>> WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY FURNISH
AROUND AND THEY START ASKING HIM ABOUT HIS TAX RETURNS?
OR ABOUT THE DEVALUATION OF THE ASSETS OR THE WAY THAT HE TOOK
DEDUCTIONS? "I DON'T DO MY TAXES, IT'S MY
ACCOUNTANT." HE'S GOING TO TURN ON HIS
ACCOUNTANT, HE'S GOING TO SAY DON JR. HANDLED THAT, IVANKA
HANDLED THAT, MELANIA, DON'T TAKE ME, TAKE MELANIA!
TAKE EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR HIMSELF.
>> Jimmy: ALMOST LIKE HE'S SPEAKING FROM PERSONAL
EXPERIENCE, HUH? [ LAUGHTER ]
THE SADDEST PART IS GOING TO BE WHEN TRUMP FORGETS TO PIN A
CRIME ON TIFFANY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THANKS, GUYS. THE NEW, NEW THING IN WASHINGTON
NOW THAT'S DIVIDING CONGRESS IS THE MASK MANDATE.
HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES. DEMOCRATS WANT IT, SO
REPUBLICANS NATURALLY DON'T. DEMOCRATS IN THE HOUSE YESTERDAY
BLOCKED A REPUBLICAN-LED RESOLUTION THAT WOULD HAVE
ALLOWED THEM TO NOT WEAR MASKS TO WORK.
IT TOOK AWHILE, BUT WE FINALLY FOUND THE ONE THING HOUSE
REPUBLICANS AREN'T WILLING TO COVER UP.
THEIR FACES. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND THE MAIN REASON THESE MASKS ARE STILL NEEDED -- THE ONLY
REASON THEY NEED THEM ON THE FLOOR OF THE HOUSE IS BECAUSE
LESS THAN HALF OF HOUSE REPUBLICANS ARE VACCINATED.
THEY DON'T WANT TO GET VACCINATED, AND THEY DON'T WANT
TO WEAR A MASK. IT FEELS LIKE THE END OF AN
EPISODE OF "THE TWILIGHT ZONE." WE FINALLY FIND THE CURE FOR THE
DISEASE EVERYONE HAS BUT THEY'RE TOO DUMB TO TAKE IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] A LOT OF REPUBLICANS ARE
FLOUTING THE RULES NOW. INCLUDING KLAN WOMAN, MARJORIE
TAYLOR GREENE, WHO PUT ON QUITE A SHOW IN FRONT OF HER PAPER
SHREDDER. >> YOU CAN'T DISCRIMINATE
AGAINST PEOPLE SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY WON'T WEAR A MASK.
AND TODAY I REFUSED TO WEAR A MASK ON THE HOUSE FLOOR AND I
RECEIVED A WARNING FROM SPEAKER PELOSI THAT LEADS TO FINES IF I
CONTINUE TO REFUSE TO WEAR A MASK.
WELL, HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOUR WARNING SPEAKER PELOSI.
>> Jimmy: SO COOL, RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ]
OF ALL THE PROBLEMS WE HAVE IN THIS COUNTRY.
THAT'S WHAT THIS IMBECILE IS FOCUSED ON.
MAYBE SHE CAN PUT HER BRAIN IN THAT SHREDDER NEXT.
[ APPLAUSE ] THE CDC LAST WEEK ANNOUNCED THAT
WITH A FEW EXCEPTIONS, VACCINATED AMERICANS DON'T NEED
TO WEAR MASKS INDOORS. AND SINCE THEY DID THAT, THERE'S
BEEN A SHARP INCREASE IN GOOGLE SEARCHES FOR FAKE VACCINATION
CARDS. SEARCHES FOR FAKE COVID VACCINE
CARDS ARE UP MORE THAN 1,100%. AND YOU CAN BUY THEM.
WHICH IS SO GROSS. LET'S START CALLING THESE
"VACCINE AVOIDERS" WHAT THEY ARE, FREELOADERS.
THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE SOMEWHAT SAFE NOW IS BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE
GOT THE SHOT. YOU'RE THE PERSON WHO HEADS FOR
THE BATHROOM WHEN THE CHECK COMES AT THE RESTAURANT.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU'RE THE LADY WHO TAKES HOME
THE CENTERPIECES FROM A WEDDING YOU WEREN'T INVITED TO.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU'RE THE GUY WHO BRINGS FIVE
NAPKINS TO A POTLUCK. THAT'S YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU DON'T THINK IT'S YOU, BUT
IT'S YOU. ON A BRIGHTER NOTE LEGOS, WHICH
CALEB AND CHELSEA, IS THE TOY THAT WILL SOON COVER EVERY
SURFACE OF YOUR HOME. LAUGH LEGO IN THE SPIRIT OF
INCLUSIVENESS UNVEILED "EVERYONE IS AWESOME."
ITS FIRST-EVER LGBTQ-THEMED SET. IN HONOR OF PRIDE MONTH WHICH IS
NEXT MONTH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I MEAN, THAT SHOULD KEEP SEAN HANNITY'S HEAD SMOKING LIKE A
BURNT MEATLOAF FOR ANOTHER MONTH OR SO.
[ LAUGHTER ] OF COURSE, THIS MEANS
CONSERVATIVES WILL MOST LIKELY BE BOYCOTTING LEGO, WHICH IS
GOING TO BE ESPECIALLY TOUGH FOR TUCKER CARLSON, SINCE HE IS ONE.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] LEGO ISN'T THE FIRST COMPANY TO
DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS. MATTEL DID SOMETHING LIKE THIS A
COUPLE OF YEARS AGO. AND IT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE A BIG
DEAL TO HAVE THESE KINDS OF TOYS.
BUT HAVING TOYS THAT KIDS CAN RELATE TO IS IMPORTANT.
THIS IS SOMETHING I WAS DISCUSSING WITH ONE OF OUR
WRITERS LOUIS AND HE HAD SOME INTERESTING THOUGHTS ON IT.
SO HERE NOW TO WEIGH IN ON THE LEGO PRIDE SET IS LOUIS VIRTEL.
TO VIRTEL IT LIKE IT IS. LOUIS?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> THANK YOU FOR THE
OPPORTUNITY, JIMMY. AND NOT JUST BECAUSE I'M THE
ONLY GAY PERSON YOU'VE EVER MET. [ LAUGHTER ]
THE LEGO PRIDE SET, I'M ALL FOR IT.
GROWING UP AND PLAYING WITH LEGOS, I DIDN'T GET MUCH OUT OF
BUILDING A BLUE HOUSE OR A YELLOW POST OFFICE.
BUT NOW YOU CAN GO AND BUILD THE GAY HARDWARE STORE AND THE GAY
FIRE STATION. FLY THE GAY MILLENNIUM FALCON.
[ LAUGHTER ] I THINK WE MAY HAVE MADE LEGOS,
WHAT'S THE WORD? FUN.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND BY THE WAY, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE GAY TO PLAY WITH THESE. GOD KNOWS, ALL I DID GROWING UP
WAS PLAY WITH OVERTLY HETEROSEXUAL ACTION FIGURES, AND
I STILL TURNED OUT LIKE MORRISSEY'S BITCHY NEPHEW.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
YOU MIGHT THINK, "WELL, WHO SAYS THE ORIGINAL LEGOS WEREN'T GAY?"
AFTER ALL, THEY WEAR BRIGHT COLORS AND THEIR HAIR IS
DETACHABLE, SO THEY'RE BASICALLY DRAG QUEENS.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT IT'S NICE NOT TO HAVE TO
PRETEND. BECAUSE BEING GAY, WATCH THIS,
IS REAL! IT'S PEOPLE'S LIVES.
IT'S NOT SOMETHING THE WRITERS OF "WILL & GRACE" INVENTED IN
1998, WHICH IS WHAT I THOUGHT FOR A WHILE.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE GAYEST TOY I HAD GROWING UP
WAS LITE BRITE. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] USING JUST 50 PEGS, I TURNED MY
BEDROOM INTO STUDIO 54. [ LAUGHTER ]
SORRY, DAD. BUT MOST OF THE TIME, I WAS
STUCK PLAYING WITH UNBEARABLY BORING STRAIGHT TOYS.
LIKE NINJA TURTLES. DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO
WANTS TO SAY THE WORD NUNCHUCKS? I DON'T, I DON'T.
OR G.I. JOE. DO WE HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON?
HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE CAREER OF VIOLA DAVIS.
[ LAUGHTER ] OR LIKE A GAME, LIKE MONOPOLY,
WHERE THE ONLY WAY TO EXPRESS YOUR GAYNESS WAS IDENTIFYING AS
A THIMBLE. [ LAUGHTER ]
THE CLOSEST I CAME TO REALIZING I WAS GAY AS A KID WAS PLAYING
"TOMB RAIDER," SEEING HOT, BUSTY, LARA CROFT BEAT UP A
MUMMY, AND THINKING, "SHE'S GETTING SO MUCH OUT OF HER
ANTHROPOLOGY DEGREE." [ LAUGHTER ]
I'D ARGUE "REPRESENTATION" IS AS IMPORTANT IN TOYS, THINGS WE
PLAY WITH TO IMITATE HUMAN EXPERIENCE, AS IT IS IN TV OR
MOVIES. SO ENJOY YOUR GAY LEGOS, KIDS!
LET THIS USHER IN THE GOLDEN AGE OF QUEER TOYS.
HOPEFULLY AS AN ADULT, YOU'LL BE WAY LESS CONFUSED THAN ME,
SOMEONE WHO STILL HAS A CRUSH ON THE DIVER FROM MOUSE TRAP.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] WHAT A STUD.
I'M TAKING HIM HOME WITH ME. THANK YOU, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, LOUIS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND GOOD FOR LEGOS. FOR INCLUDING EVERYONE.
WHEREAS DUPLO IS STILL COMMITTED WITH THE AMISH, QUAKER-STYLE,
PURITANICAL HETERO MISSIONARY SEX.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU GET IT, RIGHT?
>> Guillermo: YEAH, SURE. >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
HEY, WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
WHO'S ON THE SHOW TONIGHT? OH.
YVONNE ORJI IS HERE WITH US ON THE SHOW, THAT'S A PERSON, NOT A
SEX THING. MUSIC FROM COUNTING CROWS
TONIGHT. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH RYAN
SEACREST, SO STICK AROUND! >> Jimmy: HI, THERE.
WELCOME BACK. TONIGHT, HER NEW BOOK IS CALLED
"BAMBOOZLED BY JESUS" THE VERY FUNNY YVONNE ORJI IS HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THEN LATER, THEIR FIRST NEW
MUSIC IN SEVEN YEARS, IT COMES OUT TOMORROW.
IT'S CALLED "BUTTER MIRACLE, SUITE ONE," THE RETURN OF
COUNTING CROWS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
NEXT WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS WITH EMMA STONE, EMILY BLUNT,
ELIZABETH BANKS, LENA WAITHE, AND JOHN KRASINSKI.
WE'VE GOT MUSIC FROM THE BAND CAMINO, ALLISON RUSSELL
FEATURING BRITTNEY SPENCER AND BRANDI CARLISLE, PLUS THE WINNER
OF "AMERICAN IDOL," WHOEVER THAT MAY BE.
MAYBE WE'LL FIND OUT NOW. THIS GUY PROBABLY KNOWS WHO IT
IS. HE WORKS ABOUT 27 HOURS A DAY.
[ LAUGHTER ] HE'S THE ENERGIZER BUNNY OF
BROADCASTING YOU SEE HIM EVERY MORNING ON "LIVE WITH KELLY AND
RYAN" AND ON SUNDAY HE HOSTS THE SEASON FINALE OF "AMERICAN IDOL"
LIVE HERE ON ABC. PLEASE SAY HELLO TO
RYAN SEACREST. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪ >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU. >> GREAT TO SEE YOU.
>> Jimmy: EVERY TIME YOU'RE HERE, I FEEL PAD THAT WE ASKED
YOU TO COME. >> NO, DON'T FEEL BAD AT ALL.
I WAS JUST TAKING A NAP IN THE EEVATOR, I'M WELL RESTED NOW.
>> Jimmy: GOOD. YOU'RE ON "LIVE! WITH KELLY AND
RYAN." THIS MORNING IN NEW YORK.
>> YES, I WAS, I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT WE DID OR WHO WE TALKED TO
BUT KELLY WAS THERE. >> Jimmy: THAT IS TRUE, YOU
CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING? >> I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING.
I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S AGE OR TOO MANY SHOWS.
>> Jimmy: IT'S TOO MANY SHOWS. NO, IT'S NOT EVEN TOO MANY
SHOWS. I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING, I
ONLY HAVE THE ONE SHOW, AND I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING.
>> OKAY. >> Jimmy: I'LL GO HOME, HOW WAS
THE SHOW? I'LL BE LIKE, I DON'T KNOW.
>> I USUALLY SAY, I WASN'T GOOD. >> Jimmy: SO YOU ARE -- THERE
POSSIBLE, RIGHT?YOU, THAT IS - IF THERE'S ANOTHER RYAN
SEACREST, YOU WOULDN'T TELL US? >> I WOULD NEVER TELL YOU THAT.
BUT I LIKE -- I LOVE THE NOTION OF THAT, ESPECIALLY DURING THIS
TIME OF YEAR, GOING BACK AND FORTH EVERY END OF THE WEEK, I
DO "IDOL" ON SUNDAY, THEN TAKE THE REDEYE FLIGHT OVERNIGHT BACK
TO SEE KELLY IN THE MORNING. >> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> THIS IS A HECTIC TIME OF YEAR.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS A HECTIC TIME. YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HAVE NOTICED FROM MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, I'M SURE
YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY, BECAUSE I'VE HOSTED WITH KELLY A FEW
TIMES. SHE MAKES IT VERY EASY.
>> OH, LITERALLY, SHE'S THE GREATEST LIVE TALENT I'VE EVER
WORKED WITH. >> Jimmy: I AGREE WITH YOU.
>> SHE CAN HANDLE EVERYTHING WITH THE WICKED SENSE OF HUMOR
SHE HAS. WE KNOW HER VERY WELL.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, SHE WAS TELLING ME -- HER HUSBAND IS
MARK CONSUELOS, A LOVELY MAN. >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, HANDSOME
TOO. >> SO FIT IT'S ANNOYING.
I TELL HIM THAT, HE KNOWS THAT. SHE TOLD ME YOU COINED THE TERM
NARCOLEPSY, BECAUSE HE WILL FALL ASLEEP DURING EVERYTHING.
>> Jimmy: OH, MARCOLEPSY. >> YES.
>> Jimmy: HE FALLS ASLEEP WHEN YOU'RE WITH HIM.
>> DID HE DO IT WHEN YOU WERE AT DINNER OR SOMETHING?
>> Jimmy: AT HIS HOUSE, YEAH, HE FELL ASLEEP THERE IN THE ROOM.
>> ANKLE ME TOLD ME THAT YOU HAVE MARCOLEPSY AS WELL.
>> Jimmy: I HAVE NARCOLEPSY. IT'S NAMED ESPECIALLY FOR HIM,
THE MARCOLEPSY. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> CAN YOU SLEEP EASILY? >> Jimmy: I'M OUT LIKE NOTHING.
>> THAT'S A BLESSING. IT'S A BLESSING BECAUSE A LOT OF
PEOPLE GENUINELY SUFFER FROM IT AND IT'S A REAL PROBLEM FOR THEM
IN THEIR LIVES. FOR ME?
I HAVE THE BEST-CASE SCENARIO -- UNLESS I'M DRIVING AND I FALL
ASLEEP, THAT'S NOT GOOD. >> THAT IS BAD, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: MARC FALLS ASLEEP, I'M GLAD TO HEAR HE FALLS ASLEEP ON
YOU -- >> ALL THE TIME.
>> Jimmy: I THOUGHT I WAS JUST BORING.
[ LAUGHTER ] I FIGURED, OH, WELL.
>> HE DOES ON IT A REGULAR BASIS, IT'S MADE US CLOSER.
>> YOU DO GET CLOSER TO SOMEONE WHEN YOU WATCH THEM SLEEP.
>> WHEN THEY CAN FALL ASLEEP IN FRONT OF YOU, IT'S A BOND.
>> Jimmy: IT'S A LEVEL OF COMFORT IS WHAT IT IS.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR THREE TO FOUR MINUTES OF FREE
TIME EACH DAY? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WELL, I USUALLY THINK ABOUT, YOU KNOW, WHAT I'M GOING TO EAT.
AND THEN I EAT IT IN THE SECOND MINUTE.
THEN I DIGEST IT IN THE THIRD MINUTE.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU EAT FAST? >> EVERY MORNING I TAKE TWO -- I
TAKE TWO LUNCH SAT CHETS, A LUNCH SATCHEL, A SNACK SATCHEL.
AFTER THE MORNING SHOW, BEFORE I DO SOMETHING ELSE, I'LL HAVE
FOOD AT A DESK. THEN IN THE AFTERNOON, BEFORE I
WORK OUT, I'LL HAVE A LITTLE BIT MORE FOOD.
ALL IN THESE LITTLE CONTAINERS. USUALLY LABELED.
"QUINOA" AND "QUINOA." [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S THE EXCITING LIFE. >> Jimmy: THIS IS WHAT WE DO FOR
OUR CHILDREN EVERY DAY, PUT A LITTLE NOTE IN THERE, SEND THEM
TO SCHOOL. >> I'M ABOUT THE SIZE OF YOUR
KIDS. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO THAT'S PRETTY GOOD. >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU DON'T HAVE
MUCH TIME TO DO ANYTHING. YET I HEAR YOU'RE LEARNING TO
SPEAK ITALIAN, WHICH SEEMS LIKE A BIG ENDEAVOR.
>> IT IS A -- IT IS SO FRUSTRATING TO TRY AND LEARN A
LANGUAGE, AT MY AGE, I'M 46 YEARS OLD.
BUT I WANTED TO DO IT. I, LIKE YOU, I'M A HUGE FOODIE,
I LOVE FOOD. TO ME, ANY TIME I GO TO A
RESTAURANT, I WANT TO MEET THE CHEF, I WANT A PICTURE WITH THE
CHEF -- >> Jimmy: GRAB EVERYTHING THEY
HAVE. >> EVERYTHING THEY HAVE.
WHAT IS YOUR SIGNATURE, LET ME TASTE IT ALL.
ITALIAN FOOD IS MY FAVORITE. I THOUGHT, LET ME TRY AND LEARN
ITALIAN. I STARTED TAKING LESSONS ON
PHYSICAL TIME WHEN I'M TRAVELING.
>> Jimmy: WHO TEACHES YOU? >> ANTONELLA.
>> Jimmy: SHE'S IN IT LA OR THE UNITED STATES?
>> SHE'S IN THE UNITED STATES. SHE'S BEEN IN ITALY, SHE'S
ITALIAN. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE PRONOUNCING
"ITALY" LIKE THAT. >> THAT'S THE PROBLEM, WHEN I GO
ANYWHERE, I HAVE THIS AWFUL THING WHERE I START TO TALK WITH
AN ACCENT WHEN I ORDER THE FOOD. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, YEAH. >> THAT'S BAD, SO LET ME TRY AND
SO I KNOW MACHINA.. I KNOW GATO-GATI.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. >> NO SENTENCES.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE LUCKY YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS, THEY'D BE MAKING SO
MUCH FUN OF YOU RIGHT NOW. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I DON'T NEED KIDS, TO BE MADE FUN OF.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I THOUGHT ABOUT --
I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT LEARNING TO SPEAK SPECIFICALLY ITALIAN.
YOU KNOW, I WANT TO DO THAT. I KNOW I NEVER WILL.
I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT. BUT THEN I ALSO THINK HOW
ANNOYING THAT WOULD BE TO MY CHILDREN, TO HEAR ME SUDDENLY
SPEAKING WITH AN ACCENT. IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU TURN ON THE
LOCAL NEWS AND THEY'RE OVERENUNCIATING THINGS.
"HERE IN LOS AN-GEL-ES." WE KNOW IT'S LOS ANGELES, JUST
SAY IT. >> ITALIAN FOOD IS SPECIAL TO
ME, THE OLIVE TREE IS MY FAVORITE TREE IN THE WORLD --
>> Jimmy: I NEVER KNEW YOU HAD A FAVORITE TREE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> WHAT'S YOURS, JIMMY?
>> Jimmy: I GUESS CHRISTMAS? I DON'T KNOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> THE DECIDUOUS TREE?
SO I STARTED PLANTING OLIVE TREES.
AND I'M MAKING OLIVE OIL AS WELL.
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE REALLY DOING THAT, HUH?
>> YEAH, I NEEDED SOME HOBBIES. >> Jimmy: HOW DO YOU SQUEEZE IT?
>> PRESS IT. SO I'M --
>> Jimmy: BETWEEN YOUR GLUTEUS MAXIMUS?
[ LAUGHTER ] WHILE IN THE GYM?
>> THAT'S HOW I GET MY EXERCISE. THE PIT OF AN OLIVE, RIGHT NOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
SO THE GOAL IS TO TRY AND APPARENTLY HARVEST, THEN GET IT
INTO THE BOTTLE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE, TO HAVE THAT GRASSY
FLAVOR. >> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE A MACHINE?
>> I DON'T. YOU RENT A MACHINE.
>> Jimmy: YOU RENT A MACHINE. SO YOU RENT A MACHINA.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YES, A MACHINA.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE YOUR OWN OLIVE OIL?
>> I WILL. >> Jimmy: THAT'S GOT TO BE GOOD.
YOU CAN SAY, YEAH, THAT'S MY OLIVE OIL, I MADE IT IN THE
YARD. PEOPLE WILL BE LIKE, OH MY GOD,
YOU'RE MAGICAL, RYAN! >> OBVIOUSLY I'LL SAY IT IN
ITALIAN. >> Jimmy: ALWAYS SAY IT IN
ITALIAN, FA GET ABOUT IT. WHY?
YOU'RE NOT GETTING ENOUGH SEX? [ LAUGHTER ]
WHY HEARN TO SPEAK ITALIAN AND LEARN TO MAKE OLIVE OIL?
>> OLIVE OIL AND SEX, I NEVER THOUGHT OF --.
>> Jimmy: I REALIZED SOMETHING, I REALIZE THAT YOU -- I KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON. YOU'RE PLANNING YOUR EXIT FROM
NOT JUST SHOW BUSINESS, THE UNITED STATES.
YOU ARE GOING TO BUY A BIG PLOT, MAYBE YOU'LL BUY AN ITALIAN
PROVINCE. [ LAUGHTER ]
THEN YOU WILL LIVE THERE. AND YOU WILL NOW KNOW HOW TO
SPEAK ITALIAN. AND YOU'LL BE MAKING OLIVE OIL.
AND IT WILL BE THE LAST WE EVER SEE OF YOU.
>> SO THIS IS MY EXIT STRATEGY? >> Jimmy: THIS IS YOUR
ARRIVIDERCI, AS THEY SAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] >> SOUNDS ROMANTIC.
>> Jimmy: I'M NOT ON TO ANYTHING?
>> I LIKE YOUR LINE OF THINKING. >> Jimmy: RYAN SEACREST HERE, AS
YOU KNOW, HE'S THE HOST OF A LOT OF STUFF, INCLUDING "AMERICAN
IDOL," THE FINALE IS SUNDAY NIGHT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. >> Jimmy: HI THERE, WE ARE BACK.
YVONNE ORJI AND COUNTING CROWS IS COMING UP.
RYAN SEACREST IS WITH US, THE BIG "AMERICAN IDOL" FINALE
SUNDAY NIGHT, THREE-HOUR FINALE. >> THANK YOU.
I SAW THE PRESS RELEASE AND IT SAID, IT'S FROM 8:00 TO 11:00.
I DID NOT KNOW THAT. [ LAUGHTER ]
USED TO I WHEN I STARTED OUT THEY'D CHECK WITH YOU, SAY HEY,
ARE YOU AVAILABLE? JUST SO YOU KNOW, IT'S GOING TO
BE A TWO-HOUR SPECIAL, A THREE-HOUR EXTRAVAGANZA.
NOW THEY JUST ANNOUNCE IT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: TO MOST PEOPLE, IT'S NO DIFFERENCE, IT GOES FROM TWO
HOURS TO THREE HOURS. BUT YOU HAVE TO GET ON A PLANE
AND FLY TO NEW YORK AFTER THAT. >> YES, ONE LESS HOUR I DON'T
SLEEP OVERNIGHT. >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT
TRYING TO CONVINCE KELLY TO MOVE HERE?
>> I DON'T THINK I'D HAVE TO CONVINCE HER, I THINK SHE REALLY
LIKES IT OUT HERE. >> Jimmy: WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
>> GELMAN. >> Jimmy: I THINK YOU COULD DO
THE SHOW WITHOUT GELMAN. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I HAVE TO GO BACK AND SEE HIM MONDAY.
>> Jimmy: I LIKE GELMAN, BUT I THINK WHAT WE'VE EARNED IN THIS
ERA OF ZOOM, GELMAN CAN STAY HOME.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> SHE LOVES IT OUT HERE.
SHE SENDS HER LOVE TO YOU. >> Jimmy: I WAS THINKING ABOUT
SIMON COWELL AND WHAT THE SHOW USED TO BE LIKE, COMPARED TO
WHAT IT IS LIKE NOW. AND I WAS WONDERING, DUO YOU
THINK ANY OF THAT WOULD FLY NOW? >> IT IS A DIFFERENT TIME.
>> Jimmy: HE WOULD TEAR THROUGH THE CONTESTANTS.
>> AND PEOPLE LOVED IT. >> Jimmy: I'LL BE HONEST, I
ENJOYED IT THOROUGHLY. BUT NOW IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S SO --
>> YOU WERE THERE, YOU WERE DOING IT, WHAT WOULD YOU BE
LIKE? >> Jimmy: IF I WAS DOING IT?
>> IF YOU WERE JUDGING. >> Jimmy: WHAT I WOULD BE LIKE,
INSIDE I WOULD WANT TO DO WHAT SIMON DID.
>> RIGHT. >> Jimmy: BUT INSTEAD I WOULD BE
LIONEL RICHIE, I GUESS. [ LAUGHTER ]
IT IS MY GOAL TO BE LIONEL RICHIE.
>> AND MINE. THE GUY, LIONEL RICHIE IS THE
GREATEST INDIVIDUAL WALKING THIS PLANET.
THE MAN WAKES UP EVERY DAY EXCITED TO BE HIMSELF.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HE'S THE NICEST GUY.
>> Jimmy: WHY DO YOU SAY HE WAKES UP EXCITED TO BE HIMSELF?
>> I'LL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHY. I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP.
HE'LL TELL YOU THE SAME STORY. SO I SAID TO LIONEL, EVERY DAY
YOU'RE SMILING, HAPPY TO BE HERE, YOU'VE GOT THE MOST ENERGY
OF ANY OF US. I SAID, WHAT IS IT YOU'RE DOING?
HE SAID, RYAN? I TAKE MY SHOWER IN THE MORNING.
PUT THE TOWEL AROUND MYSELF. GET OUT OF THE SHOWER.
I LOOK IN THE MIRROR. AND I SAY, YOU'RE LIONEL RICHIE.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
AND THE REST OF THE DAY, I'M LIONEL RICHIE.
AND THAT'S HOW HE DOES IT EVERY DAY.
>> Jimmy: WOW. >> THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE DOES,
MORNING ROUTINE. >> Jimmy: I WOULD IMAGINE HIM
DOING THAT WITHOUT THE TOWEL. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH. I DON'T KNOW HOW HIS DAY WOULD
GO AFTER THAT. BUT HE IS JUST THE GREATEST.
>> Jimmy: HE IS THE GREATEST. I LOVE HIM.
YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, I ASKED HIM IF HE'S EVER MADE LOVE TO HIS
OWN MUSIC. AND HE SAID HE COULDN'T
REMEMBER. AND THEN I ASKED LUKE BRYAN WHAT
HE THOUGHT. HE SAID, "OH, HE'S DEFINITELY
DONE THAT." I DON'T KNOW, HE JUST FEELS --
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT HE -- >> WHO HASN'T DONE THAT?
SO YES, I BELIEVE -- >> Jimmy: I'VE NEVER DONE IT,
MADE LOVE TO MY OWN MUSIC? >> "PENNY LOVER"?
>> Jimmy: OH, TO LIONEL'S MUSIC? I DON'T THINK I'D EVER DO THAT.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] IT'S HARD FOR ME TO -- THE
MUSIC, THE BEGGING, THE WHINING. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> TOO MUCH GOING ON, I UNDERSTAND, YOU NEED A FOCUS.
>> Jimmy: YOU POSTED ON INSTAGRAM.
>> OH, WOW. >> Jimmy: IT'S YOU AS A KID.
>> YES. >> Jimmy: GLASSES.
>> THIS EXPLAINED A LOT OF ISSUES.
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? CONDUCTING SOME KIND OF RITUAL
SACRIFICE? WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> SO IF YOU SEE THERE, THERE'S A COLEMAN LOGO.
AND I ASKED FOR CHRISTMAS ONE YEAR, GOING THROUGH THE SERVICE
MERCHANDISE CATALOG WHICH WE GOT IN ATLANTA.
>> Jimmy: OH, SERVICE MERCHANDISE.
>> DO YOU REMEMBER THAT? >> Jimmy: YEAH, YES.
I HAVEN'T HEARD THOSE WORDS IN FOREVER.
>> I DON'T THINK IT'S AROUND. YOU GO THERE THE CATALOG,
N-1264FN, THAT WAS THE CODE FOR THE GRILL AND LANTERN.
I GOT IT, HAD NEVER BEEN CAMPING.
I WAS EXCITED, MY FIRST CAMPING TRIP WITH MY DAD.
>> Jimmy: THE LITTLE PROPANE TANK.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW THIS IS A
SERIOUS TRIP, IF YOU WIDEN OUT, YOU CAN SEE YOU DID LAUNDRY.
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE
REALLY IN IT. >> I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.
IS THAT TIE DYE? >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT
IS, A BATHING SUIT? >> VERY ON TREND.
>> Jimmy: MAYBE YOUR DAD WAS NAKED WHEN HE TOOK THIS PICTURE?
>> HE WAS IN THE LAGOON AT THAT POINT.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU A CAMPER NOW? >> NO.
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE NOT. >> SHOCKING, I KNOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] I WENT CAMPING AGAIN A FEW YEARS
LATER WITH MY HIGH SCHOOL BUDDIES AND I DIDN'T DO THAT, I
WAS ON A DIFFERENT EATING REGIMEN AS YOU MIGHT SEE.
>> Jimmy: EVEN IN HIGH SCHOOL, OKAY.
>> AND SO I WENT TO THE STORE AND I BOUGHT A CAN OF SMOKED
OYSTERS. YOU KNOW, LIKE A SARDINE CAN,
YOU PEEL IT BACK, PUT A TOOTHPICK IN, SMOKED OYSTERS,
EAT THEM. >> Jimmy: IN HIGH SCHOOL YOU'RE
EATING THAT? WOW.
>> IT WAS A BARGAIN, NOBODY WANTED THEM.
>> Jimmy: THIS EXPLAINS WHY YOU MAKE YOUR OWN OLIVE OIL.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> SO AFTER I HAD THEM THAT
NIGHT, ALL THE GUYS DOING THEIR BURGERS AND BARBECUE AND ALL
THAT STUFF. I DUMPED THE OIL OUT IN FRONT OF
THE TENT. WENT TO SLEEP.
I HEARD A BUNCH OF RUCKUS. I THOUGHT THE GUYS WERE PLAYING
CARDS. IT WAS RACCOONS AND OTHER
ANIMALS. THAT WAS THE LAST CAMPING TRIP I
TOOK. >> Jimmy: IT ATTRACTED ANIMALS?
>> IT ATTRACTED ANIMALS, YES, DIFFERENT FOUR-LEGGED ANIMALS.
MANY OF WHICH WERE LIFE-THREATENING.
[ LAUGHTER ] SO THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I MADE
TO IT THE APPALACHIAN MOUNTAINS. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE BETTER OFF
DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING. IT'S VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU, GREAT
TO SEE YOU. >> Jimmy: GIVE KELLY MY BEST,
GIVE LIONEL AND KATY AND LUKE AND EVERYONE YOU WORK WITH MY
BEST. BY THE WAY, DO YOU FEEL
RESPONSIBLE FOR CAITLYN JENNER? >> COMING UP NEXT HERE ON "JIMMY
KIMMEL LIVE" -- WHY ARE YOU POINTING A FINGER AT ME?
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW. >> I'M HAPPY FOR ALL OF THEM!
>> Jimmy: WILL YOU VOTE FOR CAITLYN JENNER?
>> I -- WHICH STATE? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IN CALIFORNIA. >> I LIVE IN NEW YORK.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, THAT'S A GOOD ANSWER.
THE SEASON FINALE OF "AMERICAN IDOL," LIVE SUNDAY, 8:00 EVEN,
5:00 PACIFIC ON ABC. RYAN SEACREST, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE BACK WITH YVONNE ORJI. >> Jimmy: HI, AND WELCOME BACK
TO THE SHOW. MUSIC FROM COUNTING CROWS IS ON
THE WAY. OUR NEXT GUEST IS A VERY FUNNY
ACTRESS AND COMEDIAN YOU KNOW FROM THE SHOW "INSECURE" ON HBO.
HER BRAND-NEW BOOK IS THIS, "BAMBOOZLED BY JESUS."
IT COMES OUT TUESDAY, GOD WILLING.
PLEASE WELCOME YVONNE ORJI. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪ >> HEY!
>> Jimmy: THANKS FOR COMING. >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU WORKED TODAY, SHOOTING THE FINAL
SEASON? >> THE FINAL SEASON OF
"INSECURE." >> Jimmy: IS IT GETTING
SENTIMENTAL ON SET? >> TODAY IT DID.
BECAUSE WE ACTUALLY HAD YOU'RE FINAL TABLE READ.
>> Jimmy: TODAY WAS THE LAST TABLE READ.
>> YEAH, THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN THUG TEARS SHED.
>> Jimmy: THERE WERE? >> PRIOR TO TODAY, WE WOULD BE
ON EACH OTHER'S SETS, APARTMENT SETS, LIKE, I'M TAKING THAT.
THAT ONE I WANT FROM YOUR APARTMENT.
[ LAUGHTER ] LIKE CALLING DIBS.
>> Jimmy: YOU GET TO TAKE THINGS FROM EACH OTHER'S TV APARTMENTS?
IT SEEMS LIKE YOU GET THE STUFF IN YOUR TV APARTMENT, AND THAT'S
IT. >> JIMMY WHY YOU TRYING TO BLOCK
MY BLESSINGS? [ LAUGHTER ]
LET ME HAVE IT. ILSA HAS NICE STUFF TOO.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS QUITE A TITLE, A REALLY GOOD TITLE, "BAMBOOZLED
BY JESUS." I WONDER IF IT WILL BE IN THE
CHRISTIAN SECTION? OR THE BAMBOOZLED SECTION?
OR THE COMEDY SECTION? WHERE WILL IT BE LISTED?
>> I THINK BARNES & NOBLE IS KED AS WELL.
I DON'T KNOW, IT WILL BE IN THE CHRISTIAN/MEMOIR, I DON'T KNOW.
>> Jimmy: BARNES SAYS CHRISTIAN, NOBLE SAYS BAMBOOZLED SECTION.
>> WHATEVE SECTION GETS THE MOST PEOPLE TO BUY IT.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS A STORY ABOUT YOUR LIFE, YOUR FAMILY.
YOU BROUGHT ME FOOD TODAY. >> I DID.
>> Jimmy: I'M NOT EXAGGERATING, I HAD IT BEFORE THE SHOW, IT IS
ONE OF THE MOST DELICIOUS THINGS I'VE EVER EATEN IN MY LIFE.
>> I BROUGHT JIMMY NIGERIAN JELA FRIES.
>> Jimmy: A LITTLE BIT SPICY AND VERY TASTY, VERY GOOD, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH. >> VERRON'S KITCHEN HERE IN L.A.
IT'S THE SAME THING I BROUGHT OPRAH.
YOU'RE IN THE SAME TEST BUCKET. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: I LIKE ANY CONNECTION
I HAVE TO OPRAH. DID OPRAH LOVE IT TOO?
>> SHE WAS -- OKAY. SO WHEN WE PITCHED THE SHOW --
SHE DOES LOVE JELA FRIES BUT SHE WASN'T THERE, SHE WAS TELECASTED
INTO OUR MEETING. SHE WAS UPSET, LIKE YOU BROUGHT
ME FOOD? I DON'T KNOW WHY, THAT WAS MY
OPRAH IMPRESSION. [ LAUGHTER ]
SORRY. YOU BROUGHT ME FOOD?
LIKE DAVID WAS THERE, DAVID EP ON MY SHOW.
"SORRY, OPRAH, I'M TAKING IT HOME TO EAT."
>> Jimmy: OH, NO, DAVID CAN'T TAKE OPRAH'S FOOD FOR HIMSELF, A
LIGHTNING BOLT COULD HIT HIM. >> IT DID, IT DID.
>> Jimmy: VERY SOLID. >> WE STILL MADE IT.
>> Jimmy: YOU WRITE ABOUT YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR MOM.
HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU GUYS CAME HERE TO THE UNITED STATES?
>> 6 YEARS OLD. >> Jimmy: 6 YEARS OLD?
YOUR MOTHER NEVER LETS YOU FORGET THAT?
>> SHE NEVER DOES. HER FAVORITE THING TO SAY WAS,
"THAT'S NOT WHY I CAME TO THIS COUNTRY."
LIKE IF I GOT A "B" ON MY REPORT CARD, "A B, NO, NO, THAT IS NOT
THE REASON I CAME TO AMERICA." WHAT WAS THE REASON, MOM?
I'M DOING MY BEST, I HATE CHEMISTRY.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU ALSO SAID THAT,
AND CORRECT ME IF I HAVE THIS WRONG, I DON'T WANT TO GET IT
WRONG. YOU SAID NIGERIAENS ARE THE
RUDEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD? >> WE ARE THE RUDEST PEOPLE YOU
WILL EVER, EVER MEET. I CAN SAY THAT BECAUSE I'M ONE
OF THEM. >> Jimmy: UH-HUH?
>> I'M NOT RUDE, BUT LIKE, WE JUST WILL DISMANTLE YOUR SOUL.
[ LAUGHTER ] JIMMY, YOU HAVE NOT LIVED UNTIL
A NIGERIAN CALLS YOU "A FOOLISH GOAT."
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: A FOOLISH GOAT?
>> WHY ARE YOU BEING COMPARED TO THIS?
"LOOK AT YOU, YOU IMBECILE." >> Jimmy: THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO
LIKE YOU? >> THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO LIKE
YOU. EVEN WHEN WE GIVE COMPLIMENTS,
"AH, JIMMY, YOUR TIE, IT'S OKAY, YOU KNOW, IT'S OKAY."
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT REALLY MEANS, "I REALLY
WANT YOUR TIE, TELL ME WHERE YOU GOT IT FROM."
>> Jimmy: DO YOU THINK THAT'S WHY YOU GOT INTO SHOW BUSINESS?
[ LAUGHTER ] SOME KIND OF AFFIRMATION?
>> YES, BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING AN EXEC CAN SAY TO ME WORSE THAN
WHAT MY FAMILY'S SAID TO ME. OH, I'M NEVER GOING TO MAKE
ISN'T IT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BELIEVING IN ME!
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HAS YOUR FAMILY, MOM,
READ THE BOOK? >> THEY HAVE NOT.
MY SISTER-IN-LAW HAS, TO WHICH SHE'S LIKE, "I'M LEARNING SO
MUCH ABOUT YOUR FAMILY." >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, RIGHT.
>> GIRL, YOU STAY. YOU'RE IT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU DON'T WANT TO RUN YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW OFF.
>> NO. BUT LIKE MY MOM, THOUGH, HAS
BEEN SUPPORTING ME THROUGH WHATSAPP SO SHE'S LIKE FORWARDED
THE PREORDER LINK TO ALL THE AUNTS AND UNCLES.
>> Jimmy: OH, SHE HAS. >> WHICH IS GREAT.
BY THE WAY, AT FIRST I WAS LIKE, WHAT IS SHE COG?
WHY DID I GETTING THESE RANDOM MESSAGES?
OH, THEY PREORDERED? KEEP AT IT, MOM, TURN IT UP,
YES, PIMP ME OUT. >> Jimmy: THE TITLE I THINK
WOULD GIVE PEOPLE THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU'RE KIND OF FLIP ABOUT
CHRISTIANITY, BUT YOU'RE NOT, YOU'RE A RELIGIOUS PERSON.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YOU ARE SAVING YOUR
VIRGINITY FOR MARRIAGE, WHICH IS UNUSUAL.
>> WHERE IS HE? HURRY UP!
HEY, HEY! WHEREVER YOU ARE, HURRY, OKAY?
PLEASE. CALL ME.
>> Jimmy: ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR LAST NAME IS "ORJI."
[ LAUGHTER ] >> I MEAN -- GOD HAS A SENSE OF
HUMOR, I WILL SAY THAT. >> Jimmy: IT SEEMS SO.
>> YEAH. THIS IS HOW HE TRICKED ME INTO
THE LIFE OF MY DREAMS. >> Jimmy: CAN I ASK YOU A
SERIOUS QUESTION? WHEN YOU SAY HURRY UP, WE'RE
JOKING, BUT DO YOU FIND IT BECOMES MORE DIFFICULT AS THE
YEARS GO BY? OR DOES IT GET LESS DIFFICULT AS
THE YEARS GO BY? >> I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.
BECAUSE THIS IS THE LAST YEAR. [ LAUGHTER ]
WHEREVER YOU ARE? HURRY!
>> Jimmy: WE'RE TALKING CALENDAR YEAR?
>> DECEMBER 2nd IS MY DEADLINE. >> Jimmy: DECEMBER 2nd?
YOU'RE NOT EVEN GIVING IT THE WHOLE YEAR?
>> WE'VE BEEN IN COVID FOR A LONG TIME, THOSE ARE DOG YEARS,
OKAY? >> Jimmy: WE'LL FIND SOMEBODY
GOOD FOR YOU. NOT AS GOOD AS JESUS.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YOU COMPARE JESUS TO
ASHTON CUFFER IN THE BOOK. >> I DO.
>> Jimmy: HOW DO THEY RELATE TO EACH OTHER?
>> I TALK ABOUT HOW THESE THE PRANKSTER.
ASHTON HAD "PUNK'D." JESUS, SOMETIMES HE PUNKS YOU.
BUT WHEN THE WHITE VAN COMES OUT, IT'S FOR GOOD.
YOU GET THE LAST LAUGH. >> Jimmy: THAT GUY WITH THE
BEARD AND THE LONG HAIR AND THE WHITE VAN?
THAT ISN'T JESUS. [ LAUGHTER ]
BE CAREFUL, DON'T GET IN IT WITH HIM.
>> NO. JESUS, DREADLOCKS, I DON'T KNOW,
I HAVE NO IDEA. NO, BECAUSE IT'S KIND OF THE
SAME KIND OF SENTIMENT. LIKE, HE TELLS YOU TO DO
SOMETHING, YOU'RE LIKE, FAM, THIS IS NOT IT.
ALSO, THAT'S HOW I TALK ABOUT JESUS.
FAM WHAT ARE WE DOING, SON? >> Jimmy: I FEEL THAT'S THE KIND
OF RELATIONSHIP JESUS WOULD WANT TO HAVE, RIGHT?
>> IT'S THE ONLY ONE I KNOW. HE LIKES DMX, REST IN PEACE.
I LIKE DMX. IT WORKS, OKAY?
[ LAUGHTER ] THERE'S A LOT OF POP CULTURE AS
WELL AS BIBLICAL REFERENCES IN THE BIBLE.
WHAT OTHER BOOK ARE YOU GOING TO GET CARDI B, NATE DOGG, AND YOU
KNOW, LUKE 124? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NOT THAT MANY OF THEM. YOU WERE GOING TO SAY LUKE
SKYWALKER? I GUESS NOT.
LUTHER CAMPBELL. THE BOOK IS CALLED "BAMBOOZLED
BY JESUS," IT COMES OUT TUESDAY. PREORDER RIGHT NOW.
IF YOU'RE ON THE WHATSAPP. IF YOU'RE ON YVONNE'S MOM'S
WHATSAPP, YOU KNOW ABOUT IT ALREADY.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, GREAT TO
SEE YOU. >> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: YVONNE ORJI, EVERYBODY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] BE BACK WITH COUNTING CROWS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Dicky: THE JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE
CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING. >> Jimmy: NOW IT'S MUSIC TIME.
THEIR NEWEST "BUTTER MIRACLE, SUITE ONE" COMES OUT TOMORROW
WITH THE SONG "ELEVATOR BOOTS, COUNTING CROWS!
♪ ♪
♪ BOBBY WAS A KID FROM ROUND THE TOWN
KICKS PUMPED UP AND HEAD HELD DOWN ♪
♪ UNDERWATER MORE THAN HE WAS UP
HE DREAMED SUBMARINES IN BOTTLE GREEN ♪
♪ IMAGINARY FLIGHT MACHINES BUT IN BLUE JEAN FLARES
HE BUBBLED LIKE A 7UP EVERYBODY WANTS ♪
♪ TO KNOW YOU WHEN YOU'RE THE
ONLY ONE TO KNOW SHOOT IT TILL YOU ♪
♪ FEEL ALIVE THEN PLAY ONE MORE SHOW
PLUG INTO THE BUZZ AND SHAKE IT 'TIL ♪
♪ IT TURNS AROUND AND YOU CAN'T STOP FEELING
THE PAUL SMITH SUITS AND THE ELEVATOR BOOTS ASTOUND ♪
♪ AND YOU CAN'T HELP HEALING IT WANTS YOU AND YOU WANT TO ♪
♪ WITH THEIR LIPS ON FIRE AND YOUR HEAD UNSCREWED ♪
♪ BUT IT'S TIME TO WHIP ANOTHER CHANGE AND
HIT ONE MORE TOWN BOBBY DOESN'T
KNOW HER NAME ♪ ♪ HE HOLDS ON TIGHTLY
JUST THE SAME SOMETIMES ONE MORE
NIGHT IS ALL YOU NEED ♪ ♪ I MET ALICE
NEAR THE ALAMO ONE SUMMER IN SAN ANTONIO
I REMEMBER HER ♪ ♪ I DON'T REMEMBER ME
EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW YOU
WHEN YOU'RE THE ♪ ♪ ONLY ONE TO KNOW
ANYTHING TO FEEL ALIVE AND DO ONE MORE SHOW
PLUG INTO THE BUZZ AND ♪ ♪ SHAKE IT 'TIL
IT TURNS AROUND AND YOU CAN'T STOP FEELING
THE PAUL SMITH SUITS AND ♪ ♪ THE ELEVATOR BOOTS ASTOUND
AND YOU CAN'T HELP HEALING THEY WANT YOU
AND YOU WANT TO ♪ ♪ WITH THEIR HIPS ON
FIRE AND YOUR HEAD UNGLUED TIL IT'S TIME TO WHIP ANOTHER
CHANGE AND HIT ♪ ♪ ONE MORE TOWN
ALICE KNOWS THE SECRET AND SHE COULD
TELL YOU NOW ♪ ♪ IF YOU WANT TO
CUZ THEY WANT YOU DO YOU WANT TO
I SHAKE AND SPARKLE ♪ ♪ PANT AND GLIDE
BUT IT'S HARD TO FEEL AND I CAN'T GET HIGH
AND I DON'T ALWAYS ♪ ♪ UNDERSTAND HOW TO SMILE
KIDS GET SICK OF BEIN' BOTTLED UP
IT DRAGS YOU DOWN ♪ ♪ TILL YOU THROW IT UP
GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND TAKE A RIDE
ON THE RADIO DIAL ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY WANTS
TO KNOW YOU WHEN YOU'RE THE
ONLY ONE TO KNOW ♪ ♪ EVERYTHING THAT FEELS
ALIVE IS IN ONE MORE SHOW PLUG INTO THE BUZZ AND
SHAKE IT 'TIL ♪ ♪ IT TURNS AROUND
AND YOU CAN'T STOP FEELING THE PAUL SMITH SUITS AND
THE ELEVATOR BOOTS ASTOUND ♪ ♪ AND YOU CAN'T HELP HEALING
THEY WANT YOU AND YOU WANT TO CUZ THE KID'S SO CLEAN
WITH HIS SOUL SHAMPOOED ♪ ♪ AND IT'S TIME TO WHIP
ANOTHER CHANGE AND HIT ONE MORE TOWN
YEAH IT'S TIME TO WHIP ♪ ♪ ANOTHER CHANGE AND
HIT ONE MORE TOWN ♪ ♪ HAYMAN IT'S TIME TO WHIP
ANOTHER CHANGE AND HIT ONE MORE TOWN ♪
♪ OH YEAH NOW ♪
>> YES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Dicky: THE JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY
MERCEDES-BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: THANKS TO RYAN SEACREST, YVONNE ORJI, COUNTING
CROWS. THANKS TO CHELSEA AND CALEB.
>> THANK YOU! >> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS TO
YOU. APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON.
WE DID RUN OUT OF TIME FOR HIM. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT.
THANKS FOR WATCHING. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.