>> Announcer: FROM HOLLYWOOD,
IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!"
TONIGHT ‐‐
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, PATTON OSWALT,
AND MUSIC FROM CHASE RICE.
AND NOW JIMMY KIMMEL!
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
HELLO, EVERYBODY.
I'M JIMMY.
I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW.
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.
I APPRECIATE IT.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.
IT'S MONDAY.
IT'S NOT SO DIFFERENT FROM MOST
MONDAYS, EXCEPT FOR ONE KIND OF
BIG THING, AND THAT BIG THING IS
UFOs.
DID YOU SEE "60 MINUTES" LAST
NIGHT?
I KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING.
I'M NOT JOKING.
NO, YOU DIDN'T WATCH.
>> Guillermo: NO, I DIDN'T
WATCH.
>> Jimmy: THE TRUTH IS NOT JUST
OUT THERE ANYMORE.
IT'S HERE.
"60 MINUTES" DID A STORY LAST
NIGHT, IN WHICH THEY INTERVIEWED
SOME VERY CREDIBLE FORMER
PENTAGON AND MILITARY OFFICIALS.
WHO HAD VIDEO AND EYEWITNESS
ACCOUNTS OF OBJECTS THAT FLY
13,000 MILES PER HOUR, DROP
80,000 FEET IN LESS THAN A
SECOND, AND GO UNDERWATER.
THE GOVERNMENT CALLS THEM
"UNIDENTIFIED AERIAL PHENOMENA."
UAP.
JUST LIKE THE CARD BY B SONG.
THEY'VE KNOWN ABOUT THIS FOR A
COUPLE OF YEARS, BUT WAITED
UNTIL NOW TO TALK ABOUT BECAUSE,
I GUESS, A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO,
THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO
EMBARRASSED IF THE ALIENS SAID,
"TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER."
THEY'D BE LIKE EH, NOT A GREAT
IDEA.
I CAN'T BELIEVE SO MANY PEOPLE
DIDN'T SEE IT.
I FEEL LIKE IF THIS STORY HAD
BEEN ON "60 MINUTES" IN LIKE
1988, IT WOULD BE THE ONLY THING
WE TALK ABOUT FOR THE NEXT 30
YEARS.
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE BIGGEST
NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR.
NOW, IT'S LIKE, "YEAH."
OH, YEAH, I HEARD THAT.
AND I ALSO HEARD BILL GATES WAS
TRYING TO GET FREAKY WITH ONE OF
HIS EMPLOYEES, RIGHT?
AFTER WATCHING THE STORY, YOU
ALMOST HOPE THEY'RE VISITORS
FROM ANOTHER PLANET, BECAUSE IF
CHINA HAS TECHNOLOGY LIKE THIS,
WE'D BETTERSTART LEARNING TO
SPEAK MANDARIN IMMEDIATELY.
I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.
I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THEY COME
FROM, WHAT KIND OF ENGINES OR
FUEL PROPELS THESE THINGS.
WHAT IS THIS INFORMATION THEY'VE
BEEN TRYING TO FIND IN
HILLBILLIES' BUTTS FOR ALL OF
THESE YEARS?
THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.
AND POOR MIKE PENCE IS MISSING
ALL OF IT.
THIS WAS HIS SHOT TO SUIT UP IN
THAT SPACE FORCE BOMBER JACKET
AND BLAST OFF TO THE CRAB
NEBULA.
AND NOW HE'S NOT.
SO WE'RE NOT ALONE.
BY THE WAY, WE'RE REALLY NOT
ALONE.
AFTER 14 MONTHS OF BEING ON OUR
ROOF, OUR BAND IS BACK IN
STUDIO.
SAY HELLO TO CLETO AND THE
CLETONES!
CLETO SR., TOESHSHI, JONATHAN,
CLETO FINALLY BACK.
THERE IS NOTHING MORE ROCK 'N
ROLL THAN BEING SEPARATED BY
PLEXIGLAS DIVIDERS.
YOU WANT GOIVE US A LITTLE
SOMETHING SINCE YOU'RE BACK?
COME ON, GIVE US SOMETHING.
YEAH.
♪
ALL RIGHT.
A LITTLE RUSTY, BUT THEY'LL GET
THE MAGIC BACK.
JONATHAN, YOU'RE GOING TO BE ‐‐
I'VE REALLY BEEN MISSING THE RIM
SHOTS, SO I'M GOING TO NEED SOME
TONIGHT.
GIVE US JUST ONE TO SEE WHAT IT
SOUND LIKE.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I LIKE.
ALL RIGHT.
WHEN YOU HAVE THAT, YOU DON'T
EVEN HAVE TO BE FUNNY.
YOU REALLY DON'T.
THIS IS FUNNY.
WE LEARNED OVER THE WEEKEND THAT
JOE BIDEN HAD A VENMO ACCOUNT.
I SAY HAD BECAUSE HE HAD TO
DELETE THE VENMO ACCOUNT.
HE APPARENTLY USED IT TO SEND
MONEY TO HIS GRANDDAUGHTERS.
IT'S WEIRD TO HEAR ABOUT A
POLITICIAN USING VENMO TO PAY
TEENAGERS FOR SOMETHING OTHER
THAN SEX.
ISN'T IT?
SEE WHAT I MEAN?
BUZZFEED DID A STORY ABOUT HOW
EASY IT WAS FOR THEM TO FIND IT.
AND THERE ARE SOME INTERESTING
TRANSACTIONS.
THEY FOUND JOSEPH BIDEN PAID
SHOE LOEWS GUS FOR MALARKEY.
PAID HUCK FOR FIXING THE DOO
HICKEY.
LIL' BEE BOP, LICORICE WHIPS.
PAID SAL'S ELECTRONICS ‐‐
VICTROLA REPAIR.
PAID HIGGENBOTHEM'S APOTHECARY
FOR 1 JAR OF TOOTH POWDER.
AND PAID ANGELA MERKEL, SORRY
FOR THE WEIRD HUG.
WHO WOULD HAVE EVER GUESSED
IT?
IF SOMEBODY SAID WHAT ARE THE
ODDS THAT JOE BIDEN HAS VENMO,
IT'S NO WAY, RIGHT?
ISN'T IT LIKE FINDING OUT THE
POPE WEARS V. R. GOGGLES?
I FORGOT HOW SCARY THEY ARE TOO.
THIS WAS ONE NOTABLE PAYMENT
REQUEST THAT BIDEN DID NOT
ACCEPT.
YOU KNOW HOW TRUMP CLAIMED HE
WAS GOING TO BUILD A "GARDEN OF
HEROES?"
HE WAS GOING TO BUILD STATUES
HONORING A BUNCH OF FAMOUS
PEOPLE JARED GOOGLED FOR HIM?
HE ANNOUNCED THIS JUST BEFORE
LEAVING OFFICE AND, TO NO ONE'S
SURPRISE, IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
PRESIDENT BIDEN, ON FRIDAY,
REVOKED THE EXECUTIVE ORDER TO
BUILD THE GARDEN.
AND, OF COURSE, REPUBLICAN
LAWMAKERS ARE CRANKING UP THE
FAKE OUTRAGE MACHINE.
QANUT, LAUREN BOEBERT, OF
COLORADO TWEETED, "BIDEN
CANCELLED THE NATIONAL GARDEN OF
AMERICAN HEROES BECAUSE HE HATES
AMERICA.
HATES OUR HISTORY.
AND IS OKAY WITH CANCEL CULTURE
TEARING DOWN AMERICA'S STATUES."
RIGHT.
I'M SURE SHE'S VERY UPSET ABOUT
THIS.
THAT HE HATES AMERICA INTENSELY.
NO SITE WAS EVER SELECTED FOR
THIS GARDEN.
THERE WERE NO PLANS.
NOTHING WAS FUNDED BY CONGRESS.
IT'S THE QUINTESSENTIAL
DONALD TRUMP PROJECT.
NO PLAN.
NO MONEY.
NO PROMISE KEPT.
THERE WASN'T EVEN A SITE PICKED
OUT FOR THE GARDEN.
TRUMP BASICALLY CONCEIVED IT,
THEN DITCHED IT ALTOGETHER.
IT WAS LIKE TIFFANY IN A WAY.
HEY, REMEMBER THE TIGER KING JOE
EXOTIC, WHO IS CURRENTLY IN
JAIL?
YOU PROBABLY KNOW HE REQUESTED A
PARDON FROM TRUMP.
TRUMP DIDN'T BITE.
SO NOW HE IS HOPING TO GET THE
NEW PRESIDENT TO BAIL HIM OUT.
HE TOOK TO TWITTER TO BEG FOR
JOE BIDEN'S HELP.
HERE IS HOW THAT CONVERSATION
I'M GUESSING WENT AT THE WHITE
HOUSE.
MR. PRESIDENT, JOE EXOTIC IS
ASKING YOU FOR A PARDON.
WHO'S JOE KPOKTIC?
THE GUY FROM TIGER KING.
THE GUY FROM NETFLIX.
WHO'S A NETFLIX?
OKAY, THAT'S A NO THEN.
"MR. PRESIDENT, JOE EXOTIC IS
BY THE WAY, YOU KNOW WHO REALLY
DESERVES THE NAME "JOE EXOTIC?"
THIS SMOOTH OPERATOR RIGHT HERE,
MAYBE EVEN JOE EROTIC.
SPEAKING OF TIGERS, LAST WEEK, I
MENTIONED THERE WAS A BENGAL
TIGER ON THE LOOSE IN HOUSTON.
WELL, IT IS NO LONGER ON THE
LOOSE.
THE WIFE OF A PROMINENT LOCAL
MATTRESS SALESMAN, A GUY NAMED
MATTRESS MAC SAYS SHE HAD THE
TIGER AT A PRIVATE TENNIS CLUB
SHE OWNS.
THIS TENNIS CLUB IS LICENSED TO
HAVE WILD ANIMALLINGS.
I WENT ON THEIR WEBSITE.
THEY HAVE MONKEYS AT THIS TENNIS
CLUB.
I DON'T KNOW IF THEY GO GET THE
BALLS OR WHAT.
IT'S A TENNIS CLUB WITH MONKEYS.
YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, FLORIDA.
TEXAS IS REALLY MAKING A RUN.
ANY WAY, THE TIGER IS SAFE.
HE IS IN THE CUSTODY OF HPD
MAJOR OFFENDERS COMMANDER RON
BORZA.
>> COMMANDER, IT'S BEEN A LONG
WEEK LOOKING FOR GUY.
>> IT REALLY HAS.
BUT WE GOT HIM, AND HE IS
HEALTHY.
>> Jimmy: NOW I WANT A TIGER.
IF THE IDEA WAS TO WARN PEOPLE
ABOUT HOW DANGEROUS THESE
ANIMALS ARE, MISSION NOT
ACCOMPLISHED AT ALL.
GET ME A TIGER, WILL YOU,
GUILLERMO?
>> Guillermo: SURE.
>> Jimmy: TIME FOR OUR BIG
EXCLUSIVE.
WE ‐‐ THE 17th SEASON OF "THE
BACHELORETTE" STARTS NEXT MONTH.
AND FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, WE
GOT AN EXCLUSIVE LOOK AT ALL THE
MEN WHO WILL BE COMPETING FOR
KATIE'S ATTENTION.
SO MANY SHOWS WANTED THIS.
"MEET THE PRESS," "FACE THE
NATION," "OPRAH."
THEY WERE ALL DESPERATE TO GET
THIS, BUT SOMEHOW WE GOT IT.
WE MANAGED TO WREST IT AWAY FROM
ABC.COM.
AND SO WITH A STACK OF HEADSHOTS
IN HAND, I GATHERED MY
BACHELORETTE CREW TO GO THROUGH
ALL THE MEN IN THIS FIRST LOOK
AT KATIE'S HAREM.
♪
>> CHEEKS, EVERYBODY.
>> CHEERS.
>> OH, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET INTO
THIS.
>> I KNOW YOU LOVE THIS.
>> I FEEL LIKE IT'S CHRISTMAS
EVE.
ARE YOU READY TO OPEN THE
PACKAGES?
>> CAN'T WAIT.
>> ALL RIGHT.
WE BEGIN WITH AARON.
THOUGHTS?
>> HUNDREDS OF TEETH, WHICH IS
WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT.
>> Jimmy: HE DOES HAVE A LOT OF
TEETH.
YEAH.
>> HE IS CUTE, THOUGH.
WHAT DOES HE DO?
>> Jimmy: HE'S AN INSURANCE
AGENT.
>> OH.
>> Jimmy: HIS BIGGEST FEARS ARE
RATS AND SABER TOOTH
TIE‐BREAKERS HE SAYS.
>> ONE OF THOSE IS EXTINCT, SO
HE WILL SLEEP EASIER TONIGHT.
>> BRENDAN, FIREFIGHTER TRAINEE
FROM TORONTO.
>> I THINK HIS NIGHTTIME RITUAL
PROBABLY TAKES WAY TOO LONG.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: CHRISTIAN FROM BOSTON.
HE IS A REAL ESTATE AGENT.
>> HE LOVES PARADES.
>> NO!
WHO LOVES PARADES?
>> IT'S SO HARD TO LOVE A
PARADE.
>> IT'S NOT THE 1930s.
>> Jimmy: CONNOR B.
>> YES.
>> BEST FACE IN THE BUNCH.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: WELL, GUESS WHAT?
HE IS A MATH TEACHER.
>> CUTE.
>> CONGRATULATIONS.
>> Jimmy: CLAIMS HE CAN EAT
CEREAL FASTER THAN ANYONE.
>> NO.
HE'S OUT.
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
>> THAT'S NOT SOMETHING TO BE
PROUD OF.
>> THAT'S HORRIBLE SOUND.
>> OH, MY GOSH.
>> THE WORST SOUND YOU CAN HEAR.
>> Jimmy: WHAT ABOUT THIS?
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: AH.
THAT'S BAD TOO.
>> YES.
>> HE IS CUTE.
HE IS GOING.
HE IS TOP TWO.
>> Jimmy: YOU JUST STRUCK HIM
DOWN BECAUSE OF CEREAL.
>> I DON'T WANT HIM TO EAT
CEREAL AROUND US, BUT HIS FACE
IS GREAT AND HE IS A TEACHER.
TOP TWO.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THIS GUY WITH HIS
HAIR, THIS IS GABRIEL.
HE IS AN ENTREPRENEUR.
>> THEY ALL ARE.
>> Jimmy: WHICH IS FRENCH FOR
UNEMPLOYED.
HE BELIEVES THAT PEOPLE SHOULD
RESPECT ELEGANT STYLES OF THE
PA
PAST.
>> WHICH MEANS HE IS EITHER GAY
OR WEIRD.
>> Jimmy: COULD BE BOTH.
>> HE IS OUT IS WHAT HE IS.
>> Jimmy: HE'LL BE THE ONE
EVERYONE HATES, RIGHT?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: GARRETT IS NOT A FAN
OF TANGY FOODS.
>> I WOULD NOT THINK HE WAS.
>> BLAND FOODS.
>> Jimmy: WHO IS NOT A FAN OF
TANGY FOODS?
>> I LIKE HIM.
THE GUY YOU DANCE WITH AT A
WEDDING, YOUR COUSIN'S WEDDING.
>> I DON'T WANT TO GO TO DINNER
WITH HIM.
>> Jimmy: HE HAS ELIMINATED A
WHOLE CATEGORY OF FOOD THAT
REALLY DOESN'T EVEN EXIST.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS FOR
HIM.
I LIKE HIM.
>> Jimmy: I DON'T.
>> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: IT'S TIME FOR A DOSE
OF DENIM.
HERE IS JEFF.
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: JEFF IS A SKIN
SALESMAN.
THIS IS WEIRD.
>> THAT'S NOT COOL.
>> Jimmy: JEFF ACTUALLY SELLS
ARTIFICIAL SKIN, YOU KNOW, FOR
MEDICAL PROCEDURES.
>> THERE HAS TO BE ANOTHER
PHRASE THAN SKIN SALESMAN FOR
THAT.
>> Jimmy: JEFF CALLS HIMSELF AN
EXCEPTIONAL LOVER.
>> OF COURSE HE DOES.
>> Jimmy: HOW YOU KNOW?
>> A SKIN SPECIALIST OF ANOTHER
KIND.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS JUSTIN.
>> CUTE.
>> Jimmy: HE DOES NOT LIKE TO
DANCE.
>> NOPE.
>> Jimmy: WHY?
>> YOU KNOW I LIKE TO DANCE.
>> Jimmy: BUT WE'RE NOT LOOKING
FOR A DATE FUTURE YOU.
>> WELL, I'M JUST JUDGING
THROUGH MY EYES.
I LIKE IT WHEN A GUY CAN DANCE.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS CARL.
HE IS A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER.
OH, THAT'S BAD.
>> SCARY, AND THEY ALWAYS NEED
THE MOTIVATION THE MOST.
>> YES!
IT'S LIKE THE HAIRDRESSERS WITH
THE WORST HAIR.
>> Jimmy: HIS NICKNAME IS
SUNSHINE.
>> IS IT?
>> Jimmy: UH‐OH.
HE IS A PROUD AND LOYAL
BELIEBER.
>> I AM TOO.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
GOOD EYEBROWS WHICH IS ACTUALLY
MY FAVORITE PART OF THE MALE
FACE.
>> AND HE WILL NEVER GO BALD.
>> GOT KIND OF A PETE SAMPRAS
JOHN KRASINSKI TYPE THING GOING.
>> Jimmy: MARTY IS FROM RENO,
AND HE IS A DANCER.
WHAT?
>> WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT IS THAT NECKLACE AND
EARRINGS?
>> MARTY BRINGS THE PARTY.
>> NO, HE DOESN'T.
>> WAIT, HE SAYS THAT?
IS HE A STRIPPER?
>> Jimmy: IT'S HIS
SELF‐DESCRIBED TAG LINE.
HE BRINGS THE PARTY.
THE WAY INTO HIS HEART IS?
>> THE TIGHTEST THERMAL OF ALL
TIME.
>> Jimmy: QUARTNEY.
>> COURTNEY COX SPELLS HER NAME
WRONG.
>> Jimmy: IT'S NOT A Q.
DON'T GO CRAZY.
I SAY HE IS OKAY AS LONG AS HE
NO LONGER SPEAKS TO HIS PARENTS.
HIS FAVORITE ACTIVITY IS TO MEET
HIS FRIENDS FOR THEIR BRUNCH AND
BOOK CLUB, AND HE LOVES THE
HARMONICA.
THIS IS THE GUY I WOULD PICK.
THIS IS MY GUY.
>> DO YOU KNOW THAT JIMMY HAS
NINE HARMONICAS IN THE CAR, AND
HE ALSO HAS A THING HE WEARS
AROUND HIS NECK AND HE PLAYS
HARMONICA WHILE HE DRIVES.
>> Jimmy: A THING I WEAR AROUND
MY NECK?
>> A NECKLACE.
>> Jimmy: BOB DYLAN WEARS ONE OF
THOSE.
YOU DON'T MAKE FUN OF HIM.
>> WHAT'S IT FOR?
IT HOLDS THE HARMONICA?
>> Jimmy: IT'S SO I THE CAN PLAY
THE HARMONICA WHILE I'M DRIVING
THE CAR.
♪
PEOPLE LAUGH WHEN THEY DRIVE BY.
ANDREW S.
ONE OF HIS FAVORITE PARTY TRICKS
IS IMITATING ACCENTS FROM AROUND
THE GLOBE.
>> OH, HE'LL BE CANCELED
IMMEDIATELY.
>> Jimmy: HE IS VERY CLOSE WITH
HIS 96‐YEAR‐OLD GRANDMOTHER.
>> AWWW.
>> NOW WE LIKE HIM AGAIN.
OOH, I DON'T LIKE HIS
TURTLENECK.
>> YEAH, MY 96‐YEAR‐OLD
GRANDMOTHER IS KIND OF A BITCH.
THIS IS BRANDON.
HE IS AN AUTO PARTS MANAGER FROM
QUEENS.
HOW IS THIS ALLOWED IN QUEENS?
WHAT HAPPENED TO QUEENS?
>> T
THIS IS CODY.
HE IS A ZIPPER SALES MANAGER.
>> EXCUSE ME?
>> Jimmy: HE IS A ZIPPER SALES
MANAGER.
>> BYE, CODY.
>> Jimmy: CONNOR C.
FORMER BASEBALL PLAYER.
OH, CONNOR C. AND MATTHEW
McCONAUGHEY SHARE BIRTHDAYS.
>> THAT'S NOT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT.
>> Jimmy: HE HAS TO SLEEP ON THE
RIGHT SIDE OF THE BED.
AND HE STARTS CELEBRATING
CHRISTMAS IN OCTOBER.
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: GREG DREAMS OF SEEING
LEBRON JAMES PLAY BASKETBALL IN
PERSON.
OH, WOW, IF ONLY THERE WAS SOME
WAY TO MAKE THAT DREAM COME
TRUE.
HIS NAME IS HUNTER.
HE SAYS HE'LL NEVER STOP
BELIEBING IN ROMANCE.
THIS YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE AT
ALL.
I'M GOING PREDICT RIGHT OFF THE
BAT.
THERE IS NO PICTURE OF THIS GUY.
ALL THERE IS A BOX.
AND I GUESS HE CONSIDERS HIMSELF
TO BE A GIFT TO THE WORLD, TO
THE BACHELORETTE?
>> I THREE‐POINT IS A GIFT
RECEIPT.
>> I HOPE HE IS 4 FEET TALL.
I HOPE HE GETS OUT OF THE BOX
AND HE IS THE SIZE OF THE BOX
AND HE SCAMPERS OUT OF THE BOX
AND WE ALL GO CRAZY.
WELL, WE DID IT.
WE WENT THROUGH ALL OF THEM.
WE EVALUATED THEM.
AND NOW I GUESS ONLY TIME WILL
TELL.
YES.
AND BY THE WAY, I JUST WANT TO
SAY A QUICK ONE MORE TOAST.
AND THANK YOU ALL FOR HAVING
YOUR HAIR DONE TO BE HERE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: DON'T THINK IT WENT
UNNOTICED.
YOU WANT TO HEAR THAT NOISE
AGAIN?
>> OH, NO!
PLEASE.
I HATE THAT SOUND.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
FOR YOU TONIGHT.
PATTON OSWALT IS WITH US.
WE'VE GOT MUSIC FROM CHASE RICE.
AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.
SO STICK AROUND.
♪
♪ DO YOU REMEMBER BACK IN 1966,
COME ♪
♪
>> Jimmy: OUR BAND IS BACK.
CLETO AND THE CLETONES.
STILL THE SAME CREW, STUDIO
AUDIENCE, BUT WE'LL GET THERE.
TONIGHT FROM THE HIGHLY
ANTICIPATED NEW SHOW ON HULU,
"MARVEL'S M. O. D. O. K.," MODOK
HIMSELF PATTON OSWALT IS HERE.
AND THEN LATER, THIS IS HIS
ALBUM.
HE NAMED IT "THE ALBUM."
MUSIC FROM CHASE RICE TONIGHT.
THIS WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS
WITH DON CHEADLE, RYAN SEACREST,
GABRIELLE UNION, AND
DWYANE WADE.
MUSIC FROM ROYAL BLOOD, LAKE
STREET DIVE, AND COUNTING CROWS.
SO PLEASE JOIN US FOR ALL THAT.
OUR FIRST GUEST IS SOMEONE I
ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD THE SEEING
HIM, EACH WHEN HE IS NOT ON THE
SHOW.
I CAN LOOK OUT MY WINDOW AND SEE
HIM.
HE JUST THAT BIG.
STARTING TOMORROW ON TNT, HE AND
HIS HALL OF FAME "INSIDE THE
NBA" COLLEAGUES GIVE VOICE TO
THE NEW STATE FARM NBA PLAY‐IN
TOURNAMENT.
PLEASE SAY HELLO TO THE GREAT
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.
HEY, SHAQ.
>> HELLO, JIMMY.
HOW YOU?
>> Jimmy: VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> NICE TO SEE YOU TOO, SIR.
>> Jimmy: WELL, FIRST OF ALL,
BEFORE WE GET INTO ALL THE
CONGRATULATIONS, I DO WANT TO
ASK YOU ABOUT THE UFOs "60
MINUTES."
DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> I DID.
I HEARD ABOUT IT.
>> Jimmy: I FEEL LIKE IT'S NOT
GETTING AS MUCH ATTENTION AS IT
SHOULD.
AS SOMEONE WHO IS JUST
PHYSICALLY CLOSER TO OUTER SPACE
THAN THE REST OF US, WHAT IS
YOUR TAKE ON WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> WELL, ONE, I TOTALLY BELIEVE
IN UFOs.
>> Jimmy: YOU DO?
>> YEAH, BECAUSE I LOOK AT
CHARLES BARKLEY AND LOOK AT HIS
BODY.
HE IS DEFINITELY AN ALIEN.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S CRAZY?
I NEVER TOLD ANYBODY THIS STORY.
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> IN 1997, ME AND ONE OF MY
GOOD FRIENDS CHRIS FLOREZ, WE
WERE ON A DOUBLE DATE.
THE GIRL HE MARRIED, MELISSA.
WE WERE ON A DOUBLE DATE.
WE WERE COMING FROM HOLLYWOOD
VIDEO IN MADERA, CALIFORNIA.
AND RIGHT WHEN WE PASSED THE
FAIR GROUND BY THIS BIG OPEN
LOT, I COULD SWEAR I SAW A
FLYING SAUCER COMING OUT WITH
ALL THE LIGHTS AND THEY WERE
SPINNING AND TOOK OFF.
AND EVERYTHING HAPPENED IN LESS
THAN FIVE SECONDS.
AND WE ALL LOOKED AT EACH OTHER
LIKE, AND I KNOW THAT IT WAS
UFO.
I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYBODY SAYS.
>> Jimmy: YOU NEVER TOLD ANYBODY
ABOUT THAT?
>> NOPE.
YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON I TOLD.
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO
THINK I'M CRAZY.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT, RIGHT.
>> SINCE I KNOW YOU'RE CRAZY AND
YOU BELIEVE IN UFOs, LET YOU
KNOW THAT SHAQ BELIEVES IN UFOs.
>> Jimmy: I HAVE TO SAY, I THINK
THAT'S PART OF THE PROBLEM IS
ANY TIME ANYONE SHARES A UFO
STORY, PEOPLE THINK THEY'RE
CRAZY.
AND SOME OF THESE PILOTS LAST
NIGHT WERE SAYING, LIKE IF I HAD
BEEN ALONE IN THE PLANE AND SEEN
THIS, I DON'T THINK I WOULD HAVE
TOLD ANYONE BECAUSE PEOPLE
THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY.
BUT SINCE THERE WERE FOUR OF US,
WE EITHER WERE ALL CRAZY OR WE
SAW SOMETHING.
>> I HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION FOR
YOU.
>> Jimmy: YES, GO AHEAD.
>> WHY WHEN I LOOK UP AT
NIGHTTIME, I CAN SEE THE MOON?
SO THE MOON FROM EARTH IS HOW
MANY MILES?
JUST GUESS.
>> Jimmy:
>> AT LEAST 50.
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S GOT TO BE A.
>> 51,000.
>> Jimmy: MORE THAN THAT,
PROBABLY.
>> OKAY.
SO MY QUESTION IS I CAN STAND
OUTSIDE AND LOOK UP AND SEE THE
MOON.
HOW COME WHEN I STAND OUTSIDE IN
MY YARD, I CAN'T SEE CALIFORNIA,
AND IT'S ONLY 3,000 MILES AWAY.
>> Jimmy: PROBABLY BECAUSE
YOU'RE ONLY 8 FEET TALL.
IF YOU WERE 9 FEET TALL YOU
WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE CALIFORNIA.
SHAQ, I'M STARTING TO SUSPECT
YOU MAYBE HAVE BEEN
EXPERIMENTING WITH MARIJUANA,
BUT THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH
ANY OF THIS.
>> ACTUALLY, NO.
NO.
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE ‐‐ WELL,
YOU'RE ALREADY IN THE HALL OF
FAME AND YOU'RE AGAIN IN THE
HALL OF FAME AS A BROADCASTER.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
WITH YOUR GUYS ON "INSIDE THE
NBA" WHICH IS A GREAT SHOW.
I'M GLAD THEY THOUGHT YOU KNOW
WHAT?
WE SHOULD PUT THIS SHOW IN THE
HALL OF FAME.
THAT HAS TO BE PRETTY EXCITING
FOR YOU?
>> IT'S VERY EXCITING.
I THINK SINCE I'VE BEEN THERE,
WE'VE WON SEVEN TO NINE EMMYS.
LOVE WORKING WITH THE GREAT
CHARLES BARKLEY.
LISTEN, THE REASON WHY WE GOT IN
THE HALL OF FAME IS BECAUSE OF
THE GREAT ERNIE JOHNSON.
HE IS SO FABULOUS.
HE IS PROFESSIONAL.
>> Jimmy: ERNIE IS FANTASTIC.
>> I KNOW WHERE MY BREAD IS
BUTTERED.
I'M NOT GOING TO SIT UP HERE AND
ACT LIKE IT'S BECAUSE OF ME OR
BECAUSE OF CHARLES OR KENNY.
I THINK ERNIE IS THE GO‐TO GUY.
AND THEN CHARLES SECOND AND I'M
THIRD AND KENNY, SINCE HE SUCKS.
>> Jimmy: HE IS A DISTANT
FOURTH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NOW I DON'T KNOW IF YOU THOUGHT
ABOUT THIS, OR IF CHARLES
REMINDED YOU OF THIS, BUT
CHARLES IS NOW IN THE HALL OF
FAME THREE TIMES.
>> FOR WHAT?
HE HAS NO RINGS.
WHAT?
>> Jimmy: HE IS IN AS A PLAYER.
HE IS IN FOR DREAM TEAM, AND HE
IS IN WITH YOU GUYS ON "INSIDE
THE NBA."
SO YOU'RE ONE BEHIND HIM THERE.
>> OH, MY.
I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.
>> Jimmy: SHAQ, DID YOU HEAR
WHAT JEANIE BUSS SAID?
SHE ASKED TO RANK HER TOP FIVE
LAKERS OF ALL TIME.
YOU WERE NOT ON THE LIST.
SHE SAID KOBE, KAREEM, MAGIC,
LeBRON AND PHIL JACKSON.
>> GOT IT.
>> Jimmy: JERRY WEST WAS VERY
UPSET ABOUT IT.
HE MADE A COMMENT ABOUT IT.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?
>> HE DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE
BEEN ON THE LIST.
I LOVE THE BUS FAMILY.
I LOVE JEANIE BUSS.
SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A WOMAN WHO
SPEAKS HER MINE.
I'M GLAD THEY WON THREE
CHAMPIONSHIPS AND HAVE A LOVELY
STATUE IN FRONT OF THE STAPLES
CENTER.
>> Jimmy: YOU REALLY MATURED
OVER THE YEARS, SHAQ.
>> I HAVE.
>> Jimmy: OBVIOUSLY, KOBE WAS
INDUCTED INTO THE HALL OF FAME
OVER THE WEEKEND.
I SEE YOU GOT SOME PICTURES
THERE BEHIND YOU.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: YOU AND KOBE TOGETHER.
YOU GOT ONE THERE.
NOW KOBE, OBVIOUSLY YOU GUYS HAD
SOME UPS AND DOWNS, BUT YOU
ENDED AS FRIENDS.
AND I ‐‐ KOBE TOLD ME A STORY
ONCE, AND I WANTED TO GET YOUR
TAKE ON IT.
HE SAID THAT YOU GUYS, IT WAS A
SCRIMMAGE, AND I DON'T REMEMBER
WHAT THE REASON WAS.
I DON'T REMEMBER THAT HE
REMEMBERED WHAT THE REASON WAS,
BUT YOU GUYS GOT IN A FIGHT AND
HE THREW A PUNCH AT YOU.
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?
>> NO, I DON'T REMEMBER THAT
ONE.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
WELL, HE SAYS HE THREW A PUNCH
AT YOU, AND ALMOST IMMEDIATELY
REALIZED THAT IT WAS A TERRIBLE
IDEA.
>> NO, LISTEN, I BEEN IN THIS
LEAGUE 19 YEARS, AND I HAD A LOT
OF SCUFFLES LIKE THAT.
I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER THAT.
I JUST WISH HE WAS HERE TO
RECEIVE THE PRESTIGIOUS AWARD.
>> Jimmy: ABSOLUTELY.
>> KNEW HE WAS GOING TO BE A
HALL OF FAMER.
HIS WIFE DID A GREAT JOB AND HIS
DAUGHTERS LOOKED BEAUTIFUL.
BUT I WISH HE WAS THERE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, SAME HERE.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS KIND OF
INTERESTING BECAUSE I WAS
LOOKING AT STEPH CURRY HAD
LIKE ‐‐ HE MADE LIKE 300
THREE‐POINTERS OR SOMETHING IN
THIS SHORTENED SEASON.
YOU WERE THE LAST MVP TO ‐‐ WHO
DID NOT MAKE A THREE‐POINTER AT
ALL, OR THE LAST SCORING
CHAMPION WHO DID NOT EVEN
ATTEMPT OR MAYBE ATTEMPTED THEM,
BUT DID NOT MAKE A THREE‐POINTER
THE WHOLE SEASON.
THAT'S REALLY CRAZY.
AND I THINK IT PARTLY SHOWS HOW
MUCH THE GAME HAS CHANGED.
>> WELL, NOT ONLY, THAT IT'S
ALSO SHOWS YOU THAT I WAS A BAD
MOTHER.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY
THREE‐POINTERS YOU ATTEMPTED IN
YOUR CAREER?
>> I THINK I WAS 1 OUT OF 22.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT.
AND HERE IS THE ONE.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
>> A COUPLE OF POINTS.
INBOUND, SHAQ, THE CATCH, HE IS
GOING TO FILE A THREE.
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?
>> YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT.
I REMEMBER I THINK I WAS TELLING
COACH HILL HEY, MAN, WE'RE UP.
WIN THE GAME.
LET ME SHOOT A THREE.
HE IS NO, I DON'T WANT TO
EMBARRASS THE OTHER TEAM.
SO WE'RE GOING TO DO, GOING TO
GO TO PENNY.
AND RIGHT BEFORE I CAME OUT, I
WAS FORGET THAT.
I'M GOING TO INTERCEPT THE BALL
AND SHOOT THE THREE AND I'M
GOING TO MAKE IT.
AND I'M GOING TO LOOK BACK AT
THE COACH LIKE I'M THE BLACK
STEPH CURRY.
>> Jimmy: THE BLACK STEPH CURRY.
SHAQ, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
♪
>>> GET THOSE.
YOU GUYS GOING TO COMPETE?
YOU GET THREE SHOTS.
FIRST UP, DWYANE WADE.
FOR THE FREE‐THROW LINE.
CANDACE, UNDERHAND.
NUMBER TWO.
OH!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: CANDACE PARKER AND
DWYANE WADE THROWING GRAPES AT
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.
HEY, DWAYNE IS GOING TO BE HERE
TOMORROW.
I THINK IT WOULD BE NICE ‐‐ YOU
PLAYED WITH HIM FOR QUITE SOME
TIME.
TELL US SOMETHING EMBARRASSING
ABOUT DWAYNE THAT I CAN BRING UP
TOMORROW.
>> WHEN I FIRST WENT TO HOUSE IN
MIAMI, HE WAS LIVING IN A
TERRIBLE HOUSE.
AND I HAD TO PULL HIMSELF AND
BRO, YOU NEED TO FIRE YOUR
REALTOR AND GET A NEW HOUSE.
HE WAS LIVING IN A TRAILER PARK.
>> Jimmy: IS THAT RIGHT?
WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?
IS HE CHEAP?
>> NAH, HE DIDN'T REALIZE HOW
BIG‐TIME HE WAS YET.
>> Jimmy: I SEE.
>> I SAID BRO, IF YOU WANT TO BE
BIG TIME, YOU GOT TO LOOK AND
FEEL BIG TIME.
>> Jimmy: LAST YEAR, YOU GUYS
WAGERED YOUR MVP TROPHIES ON THE
FINALS, AND YOU WON.
DID DWAYNE PAY UP?
DID HE GIVE YOU THE TROPHY?
>> NO, HE HAS NOT.
>> Jimmy: HE HAS NOT?
ARE YOU EXPECTING TO RECEIVE
THAT TROPHY?
>> NO.
HIM AND HIS WIFE, THEY POST
PHOTOS EVERY DAY SO I KNOW WHERE
THEY LIVE AT.
NEXT TIME THEY'RE OUT OF TIME,
I'M JUST GOING TO BREAK IN AND
TAKE IT.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
GOOD THINKING.
SO THIS STATE FARM NBA PLAY‐IN
TOURNAMENT IS SOMETHING THAT HAS
NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.
THIS IS ‐‐ WELL, EXPLAIN EXACTLY
HOW IT'S GOING TO WORK.
I THINK I KNOW, BUT YOU TELL IT.
>> I THINK NINE PLAYS TEN.
>> Jimmy: NINE PLAYS TEN.
UH‐HUH.
>> LOSER IS OUT.
SEVEN PLAYS EIGHT.
AND I THINK THE LOSER GETS TO
PLAY ANOTHER GAME, SOMETHING
LIKE THAT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THE LOSER PLAYS
NINE, AND THEN WHOEVER WINS THAT
GAME GETS THAT EIGHT SPOT.
DO YOU LIKE THIS?
>> MAN, I DON'T REALLY LIKE IT,
BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> THE LAKERS ARE IN A POSITION
NOW.
SO I THINK IT'S VITAL THAT THEY
WIN.
ESPECIALLY IF THEY WANT TO
REPEAT.
>> Jimmy: WELL, YEAH.
IF THEY LOSE, THEY WON'T WIN.
FOR SURE.
YEAH.
>> CORRECT.
>> Jimmy: I LOOKED UP THE ODDS,
THOUGH.
DO YOU EVER LOOK AT THE ODDS,
THE GAMBLING ODDS FROM VEGAS?
>> I'M NOT A GAMBLER, I'M A ROLE
MODEL, SIR.
>> Jimmy: WELL, I'LL TELL YOU,
THEN.
EVEN THOUGH THE LAKERS ARE KIND
OF FIGHTING FOR THEIR LIVES WITH
THIS PLAY‐IN THING, THEY'RE
STILL NUMBER TWO IN VEGAS.
THE NETS ARE THE FAVORITE.
AND THEN THE LAKER, AND THEN YOU
THE CLIPPERS.
DO YOU THINK THE LAKERS HAVE A
GOOD CHANCE TO WIN THIS THING?
>> I THINK IF THEY ‐‐ IF
EVERYONE IS HEALTHY AND THE
SHOOTERS ARE SHOOTING THE BALL
WELL, DEFINITELY WITH LEBRON
JAMES YOU DEFINITELY HAVE A
CHANCE TO WIN.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO ASK YOU A
NONBASKETBALL QUESTION.
YOU'RE IN A ZALE'S JEWELRY
STORE, AND THERE WAS A GUY IN
THERE.
CORRECT ME IF I HAVE ANY OF THIS
WRONG.
AND HE WAS PAYING FOR AN
ENGAGEMENT RING FOR HIS FIANCEE,
AND YOU KIND OF OVERHEARD, YOU
SAW WHAT WAS GOING ON, AND YOU
DECIDED TO PAY FOR THAT RING.
THAT TRUE?
>> YEAH, HE WAS YOUNG KID.
I REALLY RESPECT HARD‐WORKING
YOUNG KIDS.
I RESPECT THE HARD WORKER
PERIOD.
AND HE WAS COMING IN, AND HE
WANTED TO PROPOSE TO HIS FIANCEE
A COUPLE OF WEEKS EARLIER, BUT
HE DIDN'T PUT ALL THE MONEY DOWN
ON THE RING YET.
HE WAS TRYING TO TELL THE GUY,
HEY, LET ME TAKE IT AND PROPOSE
TO HER, I'LL GIVE YOU THIS
AMOUNT AND THIS AMOUNT.
AND HE WAS SIR, I WISH I COULD,
BUT I COULDN'T.
I TOLD THE GUY, PUT IT ON MY
CREDIT CARD.
AND THE KID WAS NO, MAN, I DON'T
TAKE HANDOUTS.
WELL, IF YOU LOOK OVER IN THAT
SECTION, YOU SEE MY JEWELRY IN
THIS THING.
I OWN ZALE'S.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
HE TOOK IT.
YOU KNOW, IT IS ACTUALLY
SOMETHING THAT I DO ALL THE
TIME.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU DO DO THAT.
WHAT'S THE MOST EXPENSIVE THING
YOU EVER BOUGHT FOR A STRANGER?
>> MOST EXPENSIVE THING I'VE
EVER BOUGHT WAS FURNITURE FOR
THIS OLD LADY'S HOUSE.
I WAS IN THE STORE ONE DAY
TRYING TO GET A COUCH, AND I
JUST SAW THIS LADY LOOKING AT A
COUCH, AND SHE WAS COMPARING THE
PRICES.
AND I SAID MA'AM, JUST PAY FOR
THAT ONE.
AND SHE SAID OH, BABY, THANK
YOU.
MY HOUSE JUST CAUGHT ON FIRE.
I JUST NEED A HOUSE.
YOUR HOUSE CAUGHT ON FIRE?
WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED?
BABY, I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
SO WE FURNISHED THE WHOLE HOUSE.
ABOUT 30,000.
>> Jimmy: NICE.
>> PUT A SMILE ON HER FACE.
I WAS GLAD TO BE ABLE TO DO
THAT.
>> Jimmy: WELL THAT IS A VERY
SWEET THING TO DO.
AND IMAGINE, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE
WHEN YOU WALK INTO A FURNITURE
STORE HOW SCARED THE COUCHES
ARE, YOU KNOW?
>> YOU KNOW, I HAVE SMALL BOOTY
COMPARED TO GUILLERMO.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
>> Guillermo: OH, WHATEVER.
>> Jimmy: SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, THE
STATE FARM NBA
PLAY‐IN TOURNAMENT STARTS
TOMORROW NIGHT ON TNT.
THE HORNETS AT THE PACERS,
FOLLOWED BY WIZARDS AT CELTICS.
THERE HE IS.
DOUBLE HALL OF FAMER SHAQUILLE
O'NEAL.
THANKS, SHAQ!
WE'LL BE BACK WITH PATTON
OSWALT.
♪
>> Jimmy: MUSIC FROM CHASE RICE
IS ON THE WAY.
OUR NEXT GUEST IS NOT A LARGE
MAN PHYSICALLY, BUT HE HAS A
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL‐SIGHED BRAIN
AND A NEW PROJECT THAT WILL
WORLD.
THE ANIMATED STOP‐MOTION SERIES,
"M.O.D.O.K."
>> YOU STILL CAN'T USE YOUR
MIND.
A MY DANG SHOULDER.
AHH!
♪
>> BECAUSE IT'S COOL.
>> THERE HE IS, MODOK HIMSELF,
PATTON OSWALT.
HEY, PATTON.
>> JIMMY, HEY!
HOW YOU DOING?
>> Jimmy: I'VE BEEN DYING, YOU
KNOW WHAT?
THIS MODOK, I THINK FOR SOMEBODY
MY AGE, KNOWING MODOK, WHICH IS
THIS KIND OF OBSCURE SUPER
VILLAIN FROM MARVEL COMICS, WHAT
YEAR DID MODOK PREMIERE?
>> I BELIEVE HE PREMIERED IN
CAPTAIN AMERICA IN 1964.
AND HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF
THOSE BOTTOM RUNG SUPER
VILLAINS.
BUT I LOVE WHAT ME AND MY
CO‐CREATOR JORDAN BLOOM LOVE
ABOUT HIM, HE IS AWARE OF WHERE
HE IS IN THE PECKING ORDER OF
SUPER VILLAINS, AND THAT IS PART
OF WHAT MAKES HIM SO ANGRY.
IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE IS ANGRIER
AT THE OTHER VILLAINS THAN HE IS
AT THE HEROES, BECAUSE NO ONE IS
GIVING HIM ANY ‐‐ HIS PROPS, HE
IS THIS GIANT FLOATING SEVEN
DIMENSIONAL BRAIN, BUT EVERYONE
TREATS HIM LIKE HE IS JUST IS A
STORE BRAND.
OH, YEAH, WHATEVER, MODOK, FINE.
WHATEVER.
AND I LOVE THAT ABOUT HIM.
>> Jimmy: HE IS A CHARACTER.
IT ALMOST SEEMS LIKE THEY CAME
UP WITH AS A JOKE IN A WITH A.
THE NAME MODOK WOULD NEVER FLY
TODAY.
IF YOU PITCHED MODOK, WHICH WHAT
DOES MODOK STAND FOR?
>> IT STANDS FOR MENTAL ORGANISM
DESIGNED ONLY FOR KILLING.
ALTHOUGH MY DAUGHTER POINTED OUT
THE OTHER NIGHT TECHNICALLY, HIS
NAME SHOULD BE MODOFK.
THE F SHOULD BE IN THERE.
JUST THINK OF SOMETHING REALLY
QUICK.
FILL THE FIVE PAGES, WHATEVER
YOU DRAW.
AND THE GUY, WAS IN A BAD MOOD
WHEN HE DREW IT.
YOU WANT THIS?
DREW A GIANT HEAD WITH TINY
ARMS.
HERE.
I'M GOING HOME.
YOU CAN FEEL THE ANGER ON THE
PAGE COMING OFF OF MODOK.
IT'S SO GREAT.
>> Jimmy: AS A KID READING THIS
COMIC BOOK, YOU READ SPIDER MAN,
YOU IMAGINE YOURSELF AS SPIDER
MAN OR IRONMAN OR ANY OF THESE
GUYS.
DO YOU EVER IMAGINE YOU WOULD BE
MODOK?
>> NO.
AND NOT ONLY DID I NOT IMAGINE
I'D BE MODOK, WHEN I WOULD READ
SPIDER MAN, I WOULD GO SOME OF
HIS VILLAINS ARE KIND OF COOL,
THE SCORPION OR DOC OK.
EVERY NOW AND THEN MODOK WOULD
SHOW UP.
MODOK, WHENEVER HE SHOWS UP IN
COM
COMICS, HE COMES IN SCREAMING.
HE IS IMMEDIATELY DEFEATED.
THE FACT THAT THAT'S THE ONE I
GOT TO PLAY, IT'S JUST SO ‐‐ BUT
WE REALLY LEANED INTO THE FACT
THAT HE IS A COMPLETE DISASTER.
AND THAT'S PART OF THE SERIES
WHICH IS REALLY FUN.
>> Jimmy: NOT ONLY DID YOU MAKE
THE SHOW, YOU CO‐WROTE WITH YOUR
BUDDY JASON SOME OF THESE COMIC
BOOKS.
I HAVE TO TELL YOU.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: I HAVE TO SAY I
HAVEN'T READ ‐‐ ADULT COMIC BOOK
BECAUSE I DON'T THINK THAT
EXISTS.
I HAVEN'T READ A COMIC BOOK THAT
WASN'T TARGETED AT 5‐YEAR‐OLDS
IN QUITE SOME TIME.
I GOT A LITTLE NERVOUS, OH,
YEAH, I COULD SEE MY WIFE
DIVORCING ME BECAUSE OF THIS.
>> YEAH, WE HAD A LOT OF FUN
DRAWING THAT, WRITING THE COMIC
BECAUSE WE WERE ABLE TO KIND OF
LINK HIM INTO THE BIGGER MARVEL
UNIVERSE.
WE HAD A LOT OF FUN WITH THE
SHOW.
THE IDEA, THIS IS NOT A SLOB
HUSBAND WITH A LONG SUFFERING
WIFE.
THIS IS A GUY WHO IN THE FIRST
EPISODE, THE WIFE IS I'M
DIVORCING YOU.
THIS DOES NOT WORK.
I'M LEAVING.
AND THAT BECOMES THE PLOT.
IT'S JUST REALLY FUN.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS ‐‐ I LOVE WHAT
YOU GUYS HAVE DONE.
AND I LOVE STOP‐MOTION ANIMATION
TOO.
IT IS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE
THINGS THAT JUST BRINGS ME RIGHT
BACK TO CHILDHOOD.
>> YES.
YEAH, THAT WAS KIND OF OUR
THINKING.
WE WENT TO STUPID BUDDY, THE
GUYS WHO DO ROBOT CHICKEN AT
SETH GREEN'S COMPANY.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> IF YOU HAVE EVER VISITED
STUPID BUDDY, IT'S LIKE WILLY
WONKA'S CHOCOLATE FACTORY FOR
GEEKS.
IT'S EVERY NERDY THING YOU'VE
EVER WANTED IN ONE BUILDING, AND
THEY'RE ALL BUILDING THESE
DIFFERENT CREATURES AND
ENVIRONMENTS.
WE JUST LOVE THE FACT THAT
BECAUSE THIS WAS ‐‐ MODOK WAS
CREATED BY JACK KIRBY, WHO IS
THIS REALLY BIG PERSONALITY,
THAT IT'S GOT TO BE 3‐D.
IT'S GOT TO HAVE THAT SAME BIG
LOUD PERSONALITY THAT MODOK HAS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WELL.
WHEN YOU'RE JUST A HEAD IN A CAN
WITH TINY NIL ARM, YOU'RE
PROBABLY GOING TO
OVERCOMPENSATE.
>> LITERAL I WILL, THAT'S ALL HE
CAN DO.
HIS SUPERPOWER IS
OVERCOMPENSATION.
I JUST NOW REALIZED THAT.
HIS SUPER POWER IS
OVERCOMPENSATION.
>> Jimmy: PATTON, DID YOU WATCH
"60 MINUTES" LAST NIGHT?
>> I DID.
YES, I DID.
>> Jimmy: I CAN'T LIKE ‐‐ I
THINK LIKE 80% OF OUR STAFF HAD
NO IDEA WHAT I WAS TALKING
ABOUT.
AM I NUTS WHEN I SAY THIS IS
WHAT WE SHOULD ALL BE FOCUSED ON
RIGHT NOW?
>> LISTEN, I AGREE WITH WHAT
SHAQ SAID EARLIER.
AND BY THE WAY, I'M
BROADCASTING.
I'M IN THIS POCKET RIGHT NOW.
I'M IN HIS SHIRT POCKET.
BUT NO, HERE IS WHAT IS
FRUSTRATING FOR ME.
I'VE NEVER PERSONALLY SEEN A UFO
OR A GHOST OR EXPERIENCED A TIME
SHIFT OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
BUT I'M VERY, VERY OPEN TO THAT
EXISTING.
AND I'M SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE,
FRIENDS AND FAMILY WHO HAVE SEEN
AND ENCOUNTERED UFOs.
MY DAD WAS A TEST PILOT IN THE
MARINES ALL THROUGH THE '60s AND
'70s.
AND WHEN HE WAS STATIONED AT EL
TORO, TALK TO ANY PILOT THAT.
>> SEE ALL KINDS OF WEIRD STUFF
UP THERE, BUT THEY JUST DON'T
REPORT IT BECAUSE THEY DON'T
WANT TO GO INTO A CRANK FILE.
SO HE SAID HE WAS ON A TEST
FLIGHT AND HE SAW A BUNCH OF
OBJECTS THAT HE SAID THEY LOOKED
LIKE GLOWING BALLS OF ENERGY IN
THESE ROUND METAL CAGES.
AND THEY WERE KEEPING TRACK WITH
THE JETS.
AND THEY WOULD DO THESE TURNS
THAT YOU COULDN'T DO UNDER THOSE
G FORCES.
IT WOULD DISAPPEAR.
AND WHEN HE CAME DOWN AND TALKED
TO HIS BASE COMMANDER AND SAID
HEY, MY SQUAD SAW.
AND THE BASE COMMANDER WENT WERE
THEY METAL CAGES WITH ENERGY
BALLS IN THEM?
AND YEAH.
DO YOU WANT TO REPORT THEM?
NO, I DON'T.
AND THE COMMANDER JUST WENT
GOOD, FINE.
AND WALKED AWAY.
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> YEAH.
I MEAN, I'M JUST SAYING THIS NEW
WHAT IS IT CALLED, ATIP?
THAT'S THE THING THAT CONGRESS
IS DOING TO LOOK AT ALL THESE
REPORTS?
>> Jimmy: YES.
>> ARE THEY GOING TO GO BOOK IS
PROJECT BLUEBOOK FROM THE '70s
WHERE THEY WERE REALLY GOING
INTO ‐‐ IS ALL THAT STUFF LOCKED
AWAY?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> Jimmy: WELL, I'LL CALL YOU
AFTER THE SHOW AND LET YOU KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON.
BY THE WAY, SPEAKING ABOUT A
BALL OF ENERGY INSIDE A METAL
CAGE, IT'S MODOK RIGHT THERE.
THAT'S WHAT YOUR DAD WAS
FORESHADOWING.
>> WAIT A MINUTE, OH, GOD!
IT'S ALL HAPPENING!
IT'S ALL COMING TOGETHER.
JIMMY, I GOT TO GET OUT OF THE
COUNTRY.
I GOT TO GO.
>> Jimmy: PATTON OSWALT.
YOU CAN SEE ALL THE EPISODES OF
"MARVEL'S M. O. D. O. K." STARTING
STREAMING MAY 21st ON HULU.
GREAT TO SEE YOU.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MUSIC
FROM CHASE RICE.
>> Announcer: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, EARTHLINGS,
I'S TIME FOR MUSIC.
THIS ALBUM IS CALLED "THE
ALBUM."
COMES OUT MAY 28th.
WITH THE SONG "DRINKING BEER,
TALKIN' GOD, AMEN," CHASE RICE!
[ APPLAUSE ]
♪
♪ FIREWOOD CRACKLE IN
THE FALL AIR
RED DIRT PLAYING
ON THE RADIO ♪
♪ BIG DIPPER HANGING
HIGH UP THERE
BREATHE IN THE BACKWOODS ♪
♪ AND LET IT GO
I AIN'T NEVER
BEEN THE CHURCH GOING TYPE ♪
♪ CAN'T QUOTE MUCH PAST 3:16
EVEN THOUGH IT'S
A FRIDAY NIGHT ♪
♪ CHURCH FOUND ME
SITTIN' HERE DRINKIN' BEER
TALKIN' GOD AMEN ♪
♪ KILLING TIME LIVIN LIFE
WITH SOME DOWN HOME FRIENDS
WHEN THE WORLDS GONE CRAZY ♪
♪ MAN IT ALL MAKES SENSE
SITTIN' HERE DRINKIN BEER
TALKIN' GOD AMEN ♪
♪ AMEN
♪ GOTTA THANK HIM FOR A
LITTLE PIECE OF DIRT
LITTLE PEACE OF MIND ♪
♪ FROM A COLD ONE
GOTTA COUNTRY ANGEL
I DON'T DESERVE ♪
♪ THE KIND THAT YOU
NEVER LET GO OF
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ♪
♪ HEAVEN LOOKS LIKE
NAH
I DON'T THINK ANYBODY DOES ♪
♪ IF IT'S LIKE DOWN HERE
UP THERE TONIGHT
THERE'S FOLKS LIKE US ♪
♪ SITTIN' HERE DRINKIN' BEER
TALKIN' GOD AMEN
KILLING TIME LIVIN' LIFE ♪
♪ WITH SOME DOWN
HOME FRIENDS
WHEN THE WORLD'S GONE CRAZY
MAN IT ALL MAKES SENSE ♪
♪ SITTIN HERE DRINKIN BEER
TALKIN GOD AMEN
♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW WHAT HEAVEN LOOKS
LIKE, AND WHO THE HELL DOES ♪
♪ IF IT'S LIKE DOWN HERE UP
THERE TONIGHT,
THERE'S FOLKS LIKE US
SITTIN HERE DRINKIN BEER.
TALKIN' GOD AMEN
KILLING TIME LIVIN' LIFE
WITH SOME DOWN HOME ♪
♪ FRIENDS SITTIN HERE
DRINKIN BEER
TALKIN' GOD AMEN ♪
♪ KILLING TIME LIVIN' LIFE
WITH SOME DOWN HOME FRIENDS
WHEN THE WORLD'S GONE ♪
♪ CRAZY MAN IT
ALL MAKES SENSE
SITTIN HERE DRINKIN BEER
TALKING GOD AMEN ♪
♪ AMEN
♪ TALKING GOD AMEN, SITTING HERE
DRINKING BEER, TALKING GOD AM
AMEN ♪
>> YEAH, BABY.
>> THE JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE CONCERT
SERIES IS PRESENTED BY
MERCEDES‐BENZ, THE BEST OR
NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, PATTON OSWALT,
AND CHASE RICE.
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON.
TOMORROW NIGHT ‐‐
GABRIELLE UNION, DWAYNE WADE,
AND KIRBY HOWELL‐BAPTISTE, WITH
MUSIC FROM ROYAL BLOOD.
"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT.
AND I DON'T SAY THIS ENOUGH, BUT
I WANT YOU TO KNOW, YOUR MOTHER
AND I ARE VERY PROUD OF YOU.
GOOD NIGHT.