1 00:00:00,033 --> 00:00:00,701 >> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S 2 00:00:00,701 --> 00:00:02,135 "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE"! 3 00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:03,136 TONIGHT ‐‐ 4 00:00:03,136 --> 00:00:04,605 CHRIS ROCK. 5 00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:04,938 SAMIRA WILEY. 6 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:07,608 AND MUSIC FROM MORRAY. 7 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:10,777 AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL! 8 00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:13,413 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 9 00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:13,914 >> Jimmy: HI, EVERYBODY. 10 00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,649 HI, THERE. 11 00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:15,916 I'M JIMMY. 12 00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:16,817 I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW. 13 00:00:16,817 --> 00:00:17,117 THANK YOU. 14 00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,453 THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. 15 00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:19,686 THANKS. 16 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,389 I APPRECIATE IT, THANKS. 17 00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:22,990 YOU KNOW ‐‐ I WANT TO MENTION 18 00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:25,659 SOMETHING. 19 00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,060 BECAUSE MY DAY, THIS MORNING, I 20 00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:27,661 GOT OFF TO KIND OF A STRANGE 21 00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:30,030 START THIS MORNING. 22 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:30,764 I WAS ON THE INTERNET. 23 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:31,565 I WAS THINKING ABOUT BUYING 24 00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:32,566 SOMETHING AND THE WEBSITE I WAS 25 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,768 ON, BEFORE I WATCHED THE 26 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,003 DEMONSTRATION VIDEO, WHICH 27 00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,971 DIDN'T WORK, BY THE WAY, 28 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:40,107 BEFORE I WAS ABLE TO WATCH IT, 29 00:00:40,107 --> 00:00:42,776 IT REQUIRED ME TO HOLD DOWN THE 30 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:43,877 BUTTON TO "PROVE YOU'RE A 31 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,212 HUMAN," IT SAID. 32 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:45,946 AND I FELT LIKE SAYING "SCREW 33 00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:46,513 YOU." 34 00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:49,383 I HAVE TO PROVE I'M A HUMAN? 35 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:49,783 YOU'RE A WEBSITE! 36 00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:50,784 [ LAUGHTER ] 37 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,052 WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE? 38 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,320 THIS IS HOW IT GOES. 39 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,755 WE'RE ALL WORRIED THE ROBOTS ARE 40 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:55,589 GOING TO CHAIN US UP. 41 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:56,623 THE TRUTH IS, WHEN THE 42 00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,458 SINGULARITY HAPPENS, THEY'RE NOT 43 00:00:58,458 --> 00:00:58,992 GOING TO ENSLAVE US WITH 44 00:00:58,992 --> 00:00:59,493 ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE. 45 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:00,427 THEY'RE JUST GOING TO ANNOY THE 46 00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:01,862 HELL OUT OF US. 47 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:02,262 [ LAUGHTER ] 48 00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:02,829 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, 49 00:01:02,829 --> 00:01:05,332 GUILLERMO? 50 00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:06,133 >> Guillermo: YEAH, YEAH, A 51 00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:07,067 LITTLE BIT, YEAH. 52 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:07,367 [ LAUGHTER ] 53 00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:12,039 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU. 54 00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:12,673 I GUESS WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS 55 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,142 TO WORRY ABOUT. 56 00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:17,010 ACCORDING TO THE EPA, THE 57 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:17,678 FORECAST FOR CLIMATE CHANGE IS 58 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:18,712 IMPENDING DOOM. 59 00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:19,479 WILDFIRES ARE GETTING BIGGER. 60 00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:20,280 HEAT WAVES ARE MORE FREQUENT. 61 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,249 OCEANS ARE WARMER. 62 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:22,783 FLOODS ARE MORE COMMON. 63 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:26,787 JEFF BEZOS IS BUILDING A 64 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:27,254 VACATION HOME ON MARS. 65 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,322 [ LAUGHTER ] 66 00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:29,323 THESE ARE ALL VERY BAD SIGNS FOR 67 00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:30,157 THE HUMAN RACE. 68 00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:30,791 I LOOKED IN THE SKY THIS MORNING 69 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:31,391 AND SAW A SEAGULL ON FIRE. 70 00:01:31,391 --> 00:01:32,359 [ LAUGHTER ] 71 00:01:32,359 --> 00:01:34,361 THE PROBLEM WITH CLIMATE CHANGE, 72 00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:34,962 AND GETTING PEOPLE TO TAKE IT 73 00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:36,029 SERIOUSLY, IS THAT IT'S A 74 00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:38,799 SLOW‐MOVING EMERGENCY. 75 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,868 IT'S LIKE THERE'S A FREIGHT 76 00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:42,569 TRAIN COMING AT US AT, LIKE, ONE 77 00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:43,070 MILE AN HOUR. 78 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:46,740 AND WE'RE LIKE, "OH, IT'S SO FAR 79 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:48,008 AWAY, IT'S GOING SO SLOW." 80 00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,076 BUT IT'S COMING. 81 00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:49,710 AND I'VE NOT EVER BEEN HIT BY A 82 00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:49,910 TRAIN. 83 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:50,510 BUT I FEEL LIKE IT WOULD HURT 84 00:01:50,510 --> 00:01:51,144 MORE TO GET RUN OVER BY A SLOW 85 00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:52,446 ONE. 86 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:52,713 YOU KNOW? 87 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:53,680 [ LAUGHTER ] 88 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,783 WE LEARNED MORE TODAY ABOUT THAT 89 00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:57,451 RANSOMWARE ATTACK THAT SHUT DOWN 90 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:57,985 THE COLONIAL OIL PIPELINE. 91 00:01:57,985 --> 00:02:00,087 WHICH WAS THE REASON FOR THE 92 00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:02,422 RUN ON GASOLINE. 93 00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:03,790 YOU MAY HAVE READ, RUSSIAN 94 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,226 HACKERS DEMANDED $5 MILLION IN 95 00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:07,961 RANSOM MONEY TO RELEASE THE 96 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:08,795 PIPELINE FROM THEIR CLUTCHES. 97 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,164 APPARENTLY THEY GOT IT. 98 00:02:11,164 --> 00:02:13,567 THE COLONIAL PIPELINE COMPANY 99 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:14,935 SAID THEY DIDN'T PAY THE RANSOM, 100 00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:15,636 BUT REPORTEDLY THEY DID PAY THE 101 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:16,637 RANSOM. 102 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,038 APPARENTLY THE HACKERS SENT THEM 103 00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:18,605 AN EMAIL THAT SAID WE TOOK 104 00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:19,239 CONTROL OF YOUR WEBCAM AND HAVE 105 00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:20,374 A VIDEO OF YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR 106 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:22,776 PIPE. 107 00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:24,044 [ LAUGHTER ] 108 00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:25,345 WE KNOW WHAT KIND OF MOVIES 109 00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,780 YOU'RE WATCHING. 110 00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:27,381 SO THEY WERE LIKE, HERE'S THE 111 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,715 MONEY! 112 00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:29,716 SO LET THAT BE A LESSON TO ALL 113 00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:30,250 YOU RUSSIAN CYBER THIEVES. 114 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:31,785 IF YOU MESS WITH AMERICA, YOU 115 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:36,056 WILL GET $5 MILLION. 116 00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:36,790 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 117 00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:42,029 NOW THAT THE PIPELINE IS BACK UP 118 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:44,031 AND RUNNING, A GAS CRISIS HAS 119 00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,732 BEEN AVERTED, AT LEAST FOR THE 120 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:46,633 TIME BEING. 121 00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:47,167 BUT WE HAVE A SHORTAGE OF 122 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:47,501 DIPPING SAUCE. 123 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,301 [ LAUGHTER ] 124 00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:49,069 IF YOU NEED ANY MORE EVIDENCE 125 00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:49,670 THAT REPUBLICANS CAN'T FIND A 126 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:50,303 GOOD REASON TO COMPLAIN ABOUT 127 00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:52,072 JOE BIDEN, HOW ABOUT THIS? 128 00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:53,607 BECAUSE OF COVID‐RELATED SUPPLY 129 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:54,307 PROBLEMS, CHICK‐FIL‐A IS RUNNING 130 00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:55,909 LOW ON DIPPING SAUCE. 131 00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:57,144 THEY ARE NOW LIMITING THE NUMBER 132 00:02:57,144 --> 00:02:57,711 OF SAUCE PACKETS TO ONE PER 133 00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:00,914 CUSTOMER. 134 00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:05,152 WHICH LED TEXAS' TOP 135 00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:05,686 CHIK‐FIL‐A‐HOLE TO TWEET, 136 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:06,219 "JOE BIDEN IS DESTROYING 137 00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:06,553 AMERICA." 138 00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:08,255 [ LAUGHTER ] 139 00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:09,022 THAT'S RIGHT. 140 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,023 HE'S KILLING US ONE ZESTY 141 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:10,991 BUFFALO AT A TIME! 142 00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:13,160 [ LAUGHTER ] 143 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:13,493 POOR TED CRUZ. 144 00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:14,394 STILL LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO 145 00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:15,429 DISTRACT US FROM FLEEING TO 146 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:18,065 CANCUN. 147 00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:18,498 [ LAUGHTER ] 148 00:03:18,498 --> 00:03:19,499 AND BY THE WAY, IF YOU'RE 149 00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:22,035 LOOKING FOR A PRESIDENT TO BLAME 150 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:22,669 FOR A DIPPING SAUCE SHORTAGE ‐‐ 151 00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:26,306 THIS IS YOUR GUY! 152 00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:27,007 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 153 00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:30,110 THE ORANGE ONE. 154 00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:33,013 BIG NEWS OUT OF THE CDC TODAY. 155 00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:35,615 >> TODAY, CDC IS UPDATING OUR 156 00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:38,151 GUIDANCE FOR FULLY VACCINATED 157 00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:38,385 PEOPLE. 158 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,054 ANYONE WHO IS FULLY VACCINATED 159 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,356 CAN PARTICIPATE IN INDOOR AND 160 00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:45,292 OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES, LARGE OR 161 00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:46,727 SMALL, WITHOUT WEARING A MASK OR 162 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:47,160 PHYSICAL DISTANCING. 163 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,764 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 164 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:51,398 >> Jimmy: THAT'S VERY ‐‐ THAT'S 165 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:51,698 GREAT NEWS. 166 00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:53,767 I MEAN, REALLY. 167 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,435 NOW I ONLY HAVE TO WEAR A MASK 168 00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:58,839 FOR TRAVEL, AND SEX. 169 00:03:58,839 --> 00:03:59,239 [ LAUGHTER ] 170 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,307 UNFORTUNATELY, THERE IS NO WAY 171 00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:01,308 TO KNOW WHO IS VACCINATED AND 172 00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:02,008 WHO ISN'T. 173 00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:05,145 AND THE MAJORITY OF THE 174 00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:06,813 POPULATION STILL ISN'T. 175 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:07,447 WHICH MEANS WE'LL BE RELYING ON 176 00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:08,048 PEOPLE WHO AREN'T RESPONSIBLE 177 00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:08,682 ENOUGH TO GET VACCINATED TO BE 178 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:09,282 RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO WEAR 179 00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:11,017 MASKS. 180 00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:13,053 SOUNDS LIKE A SOLID PLAN. 181 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:13,854 BUT DESPERATE TIMES CALL FOR 182 00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:16,490 DESPERATE MEASURES. 183 00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,124 IN OHIO, DEMAND FOR THE VACCINE 184 00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:18,291 IS DOWN. 185 00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:19,793 SO THE GOVERNOR, MIKE DEWINE, IS 186 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,762 PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS. 187 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:22,763 LAUNCHING SOMETHING CALLED THE 188 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:27,634 "VAX‐A‐MILLION" LOTTERY GAME. 189 00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,302 >> ON MAY 26th, WE'LL ANNOUNCE 190 00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:30,804 THE WINNER OF A SEPARATE DRAWING 191 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,406 FOR ADULTS, ADULTS WHO HAVE 192 00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:34,141 RECEIVED AT LEAST THEIR FIRST 193 00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:36,843 DOSE OF THE VACCINE. 194 00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:38,879 THIS ANNOUNCEMENT WILL OCCUR 195 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:42,048 EACH WEDNESDAY FOR FIVE WEEKS. 196 00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:43,850 AND THE WINNER EACH WEDNESDAY 197 00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:47,020 WILL RECEIVE $1 MILLION. 198 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,321 >> Jimmy: THAT'S HIM IN A WIG 199 00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:50,090 DOING SIGN LANGUAGE FOR HIMSELF, 200 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:50,857 BY THE WAY. 201 00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:53,093 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 202 00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,394 >> Jimmy: THE WINNER GETS $1 203 00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:55,595 MILLION EVERY WEEK. 204 00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:56,263 SOUNDS GREAT. 205 00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:57,531 BUT YOU KNOW SOMEBODY'S GOING TO 206 00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,065 GET VACCINATED LIKE 40 TIMES TO 207 00:04:59,065 --> 00:04:59,633 TRY TO INCREASE THEIR ODDS. 208 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,201 [ LAUGHTER ] 209 00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:02,869 STARTING ON MAY 18 IN OHIO, ALL 210 00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:03,670 VACCINATED 12 TO 17‐YEAR‐OLDS 211 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:06,072 WILL BE ABLE TO REGISTER FOR A 212 00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:06,573 CHANCE TO WIN FOUR‐YEAR 213 00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:10,744 SCHOLARSHIPS THAT COVER TUITION, 214 00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:11,578 ROOM, BOARD, AND BOOKS AT THE 215 00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:12,212 OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY OF THEIR 216 00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,114 CHOICE. 217 00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:16,583 WHICH, I DON'T KNOW, IF I GOT A 218 00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:17,751 SCHOLARSHIP WHEN I WAS 12, IF I 219 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,386 WON A SCHOLARSHIP THAT 220 00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,454 GUARANTEED ME FOUR YEARS OF 221 00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:23,190 COLLEGE, I'D NEVER STUDY AGAIN. 222 00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,090 [ LAUGHTER ] 223 00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:24,624 GEOMETRY? 224 00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:25,625 NO, THANKS, I'M GOING TO KENT 225 00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:27,994 STATE ALREADY. 226 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:28,829 CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING IN A 227 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:29,429 COUNTRY LIKE INDIA RIGHT NOW 228 00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:30,063 WHERE PEOPLE ALL AROUND YOU ARE 229 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:30,797 DYING BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE 230 00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:35,936 THE VACCINE? 231 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:37,537 WE'RE OVER HERE BEGGING AND 232 00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:39,005 BRIBING PEOPLE TO GET IT, LIKE 233 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,140 WE'RE TRYING TO CONVINCE A 234 00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:42,542 4‐YEAR‐OLD TO EAT HIS BROCCOLI 235 00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:42,776 NUGGETS. 236 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,144 IT REALLY IS RIDICULOUS. 237 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:44,911 MANY OF THOSE WHO DON'T TRUST 238 00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:45,612 THE VACCINE ARE WORRIED ABOUT 239 00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:46,947 FERTILITY ISSUES THANKS TO SOME 240 00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:47,647 NOT‐TOO‐BRIGHT PEOPLE, WHO, FOR 241 00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:48,648 WHATEVER REASON, COME UP WITH 242 00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:49,649 THESE COCKAMAMIE MISINFORMATION 243 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,651 CAMPAIGNS. 244 00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:52,886 ONE OF THE "YOU'LL HAVE A 245 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:58,658 MISCARRIAGE IF YOU STAND NEXT TO 246 00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:00,694 A VACCINATED PERSON" CROWD 247 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,663 IS A WEBSITE CALLED "NATURAL 248 00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:04,297 NEWS" WHICH HAS BEEN BANNED FROM 249 00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:04,931 FACEBOOK. 250 00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:05,765 AND THEIR SOURCE FOR THIS 251 00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:06,399 "INFORMATION" IS, GET READY, 252 00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:11,304 THIS NORTH FACE HOODIE‐WEARING 253 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:12,873 CHIROPRACTOR NAMED "DOCTOR" 254 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:13,506 STEVEN BAKER, WHO IS VERY 255 00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:15,775 CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH. 256 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:17,611 >> I AM NOT WILLING TO WATCH 257 00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:18,645 SOMEBODY WHO MADE A POOR 258 00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:19,980 DECISION AND GOT THE SHOT STAND 259 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,581 NEXT TO A YOUNG FEMALE IN MY 260 00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:23,650 OFFICE AND RISK THE CHANCE OF 261 00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:25,352 HER BECOMING INFERTILE. 262 00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:25,652 [ LAUGHTER ] 263 00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:27,087 IT'S NOT HAPPENING ON MY WATCH. 264 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,421 >> Jimmy: HE'S SAYING YOU CAN 265 00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,323 GET INFECTED FROM VACCINATED 266 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,524 PEOPLE STANDING NEXT TO YOU. 267 00:06:31,524 --> 00:06:32,959 AND THE CHIROPRACTOR KNOWS THIS 268 00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:33,593 BECAUSE SOMETHING WEIRD IS GOING 269 00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:36,429 ON IN HIS OFFICE. 270 00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:38,598 >> ALL I KNOW IS WHEN I ASK THE 271 00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:40,400 FEMALES IN MY OFFICE, THEY ARE 272 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,370 ALL HAVING ‐‐ NOT ALL, 80%, ARE 273 00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:43,937 HAVING WEIRD FEMALE CYCLES. 274 00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,605 [ LAUGHTER ] 275 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:50,277 >> Jimmy: OKAY. 276 00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:50,911 LET'S PUT HOW INSANELY CREEPY IT 277 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:51,578 IS THAT YOU'RE GOING AROUND YOUR 278 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:52,412 OFFICE, ASKING YOUR FEMALE 279 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,047 EMPLOYEES ABOUT THEIR CYCLES 280 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:54,247 ASIDE. 281 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:54,547 [ LAUGHTER ] 282 00:06:54,547 --> 00:06:55,982 LET'S FOCUS ON THE NUMBERS HERE. 283 00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:59,152 80%? 284 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,487 WE DID A SEARCH, A GOOGLE STREET 285 00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:02,489 VIEW FOR HIS OFFICE. 286 00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:04,057 THIS IS HIS OFFICE. 287 00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:04,557 [ LAUGHTER ] 288 00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:06,259 THEY'RE IN A STRIP MALL IN IDAHO 289 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,962 NEXT TO AN ALLSTATE INSURANCE. 290 00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:09,596 HOW MANY WOMEN COULD HE POSSIBLY 291 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,163 HAVE WORKING IN THAT OFFICE? 292 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:10,363 FIVE? 293 00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:11,264 I'D BET IT'S FIVE. 294 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:14,267 SOUNDS LIKE SCIENCE TO ME! 295 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,336 >> WHEN YOU GET THE JAB, YOU 296 00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:18,104 CREATE A SITUATION WHERE YOUR 297 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:21,308 BODY IS LITERALLY A SPIKE 298 00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:22,375 PROTEIN FACTORY. 299 00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,110 LET'S TALK ABOUT THE SIZE OF A 300 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:24,411 CELL. 301 00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:24,878 YOU CAN'T SEE IT. 302 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,813 IF I WERE TO PILE UP MILLIONS OF 303 00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:28,348 THEM, THEY'D BE LIKE THIS BIG. 304 00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,817 VIRUSS ARE SMALLER THAN CELLS. 305 00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,686 SPIKE PROTEINS, I DON'T KNOW. 306 00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:33,753 ARE THEY SMALLER? 307 00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:34,754 NOBODY KNOWS. 308 00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:36,222 >> Jimmy: NOBODY KNOWS! 309 00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:37,624 I BET SOMEBODY KNOWS. 310 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:40,360 IN FACT, ON THE LINE WE HAVE DR. 311 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,395 MELISSA MCGUINNESS, WHO IS OF 312 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:45,365 THE MOLECULAR AND BIOMEDICAL 313 00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:46,199 SCIENCES DEPARTMENT AT THE 314 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,034 UNIVERSITY OF MAINE. 315 00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:48,535 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 316 00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:50,637 DR. MCGUINNESS, THANK YOU FOR 317 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:51,204 JOINING US. 318 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:53,506 CAN YOU ANSWER THIS QUESTION? 319 00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:54,941 DO YOU KNOW HOW BIG SPIKE 320 00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:55,875 PROTEINS ARE? 321 00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:58,211 >> YES, APPROXIMATELY BRING 322 00:07:58,211 --> 00:07:58,645 NANOMETERS IN SIZE. 323 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,313 >> Jimmy: OKAY, YOU DO KNOW HOW 324 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,414 BIG THEY ARE? 325 00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:01,681 >> YES. 326 00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:02,048 >> Jimmy: OKAY. 327 00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:03,383 >> WE KNOW A GREAT DEAL ABOUT 328 00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:04,884 SPIKE PROTEINS. 329 00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:05,185 [ LAUGHTER ] 330 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:05,752 >> Jimmy: GREAT. 331 00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:06,820 THANKS, DR. MCGUINNESS, BYE, 332 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:07,153 APPRECIATE IT. 333 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:10,090 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 334 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:10,724 >> Jimmy: WELL. 335 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,125 SOMEBODY KNOWS. 336 00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:15,362 WHAT WE DON'T KNOW IS IF THIS 337 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:16,796 "DOCTOR" BAKER WHO SO MANY 338 00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:18,431 PEOPLE ARE LISTENING TO IS 339 00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:19,599 REALLY A DOCTOR. 340 00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:20,867 FORTUNATELY, HE HAS A SECTION OF 341 00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:23,036 HIS WEBSITE TITLED "AM I A REAL 342 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:23,269 DOCTOR?" 343 00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:25,672 ALWAYS A GOOD SIGN. 344 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:25,972 [ LAUGHTER ] 345 00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:27,107 YOU KNOW WHEN YOU GET YOUR CAR 346 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,208 FIXED AND THEY HAVE A SIGN THAT 347 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,510 SAYS, "AM I A REAL MECHANIC?" 348 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,945 HE EXPLAINS HE'S QUALIFIED TO 349 00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,380 SPEAK ABOUT THE VACCINES BECAUSE 350 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:36,383 HE'S STUDIED THEM OVER 100 HOURS 351 00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:36,750 POST GRADUATE. 352 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:37,851 100 HOURS. 353 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,353 ASSUMING HE STUDIED 8:00 TO 5:00 354 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,188 ON WEEKDAYS, THAT'S TWO WEEKS. 355 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:42,522 [ LAUGHTER ] 356 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:43,256 THAT'S ENOUGH, RIGHT? 357 00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:44,924 I THINK ERIC CLAPTON LEARNED TO 358 00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:48,762 PLAY GUITAR IN TWO WEEKS, RIGHT? 359 00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:49,129 [ LAUGHTER ] 360 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,163 "DOCTOR" BAKER HAS A BACHELOR'S 361 00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:50,730 DEGREE IN EXERCISE SCIENCE. 362 00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:58,371 [ LAUGHTER ] 363 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,874 HE'S BASICALLY A GYM TEACHER. 364 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:01,474 YOU'VE DECIDED NOT TO GET THE 365 00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:02,108 VACCINE BECAUSE THE ONLY TEACHER 366 00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:02,642 AT THE SCHOOL WHO WEARS A 367 00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:05,211 WHISTLE TOLD YOU NOT TO. 368 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:05,578 VERY WELL DONE. 369 00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:06,079 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 370 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:06,713 AS OF TODAY, CHILDREN AGES 12 TO 371 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,280 15 ARE ELIGIBLE TO GET THE 372 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,515 PFIZER VACCINE. 373 00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:09,983 WHICH OBVIOUSLY MAY CAUSE SOME 374 00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,684 ANXIETY BECAUSE A LOT OF KIDS 375 00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:13,153 ARE SCARED TO GET SHOTS. 376 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:17,257 SO AS A PUBLIC SERVICE, WE CAME 377 00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:18,491 UP WITH ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW IF YOU 378 00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:19,592 CAN USE THE WORD CREATED. 379 00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:21,294 WE DID CREATE A NEW MASCOT WHO I 380 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,862 THINK IS GOING TO PUT YOUR KIDS 381 00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:24,497 AT EASE. 382 00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:25,231 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE SAY 383 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:25,799 HELLO TO MAXINE THE VACCINE! 384 00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:29,135 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 385 00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:35,041 OH THERE ‐‐ I WAS ‐‐ HONESTLY, I 386 00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:35,508 WAS EXPECTING A WOMAN. 387 00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:36,509 WHERE'S MAXINE? 388 00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:37,277 >> MAXINE DIED. 389 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,012 >> Jimmy: SHE DIED? 390 00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:40,580 >> YEAH, SHE GOT COVID AND DIED. 391 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,514 >> Jimmy: OH MY GOD, THAT'S 392 00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:41,781 TERRIBLE. 393 00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:42,282 WHO ARE YOU? 394 00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:45,251 >> I'M SCOTT! 395 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:45,552 [ LAUGHTER ] 396 00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:46,119 >> Jimmy: SCOTT? 397 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:47,053 SCOTT THE SHOT? 398 00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:47,754 >> NO. 399 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:48,588 JUST SCOTT. 400 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:49,789 >> Jimmy: OKAY. 401 00:09:49,789 --> 00:09:51,357 [ LAUGHTER ] 402 00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:52,258 WELL, SCOTT, A LOT OF YOUNG 403 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:52,792 PEOPLE OUT THERE MIGHT BE 404 00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:53,493 NERVOUS ABOUT GETTING THEIR 405 00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:57,530 PFIZER SHOTS. 406 00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:58,331 WHY DON'T YOU GO AHEAD AND PUT 407 00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:58,965 THEM AT EASE AND TELL THEM ABOUT 408 00:09:58,965 --> 00:09:59,666 IT? 409 00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:00,266 >> I COULD TELL THEM ABOUT IT. 410 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:01,835 OR I COULD SING THEM ABOUT IT! 411 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:04,671 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 412 00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:05,004 >> Jimmy: YES. 413 00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:08,641 DO THAT, THEN. 414 00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:10,777 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SCOTT! 415 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,345 ♪ 416 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:13,680 ♪ YOU KNOW TO 417 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,849 KEEP YOUR DISTANCE ♪ 418 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:16,316 ♪ SCRUB YOUR HANDS UP 419 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,785 NICE AND CLEAN ♪ 420 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:22,789 ♪ BUT I'M HERE TO TEACH YA 421 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:26,793 SOMETHING ABOUT COVID VACCINES ♪ 422 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:32,098 ♪ THEY USE MRNA WHICH IS A‐OK 423 00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:32,632 ♪ BUT I READ ON FACEBOOK 424 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:33,399 THAT STUFF WILL 425 00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:35,301 TURN YOU GAY ♪ 426 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,904 ♪ THAT BLOG POST WAS RIGHT 427 00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:40,840 THE DOCTORS ARE NUTS ♪ 428 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:41,374 ♪ BILL GATES PUT A 429 00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:43,076 MICROCHIP 430 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,912 UP YOUR PARENTS' BUTTS ♪ 431 00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,380 >> Jimmy: HOLD ON A SECOND, HOLD 432 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:48,815 ON A SECOND, HOLD ON. 433 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:49,115 [ LAUGHTER ] 434 00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:52,585 [ APPLAUSE ] 435 00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:53,219 SCOTT, YOU CAN'T SAY THAT STUFF, 436 00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,220 THAT'S DISINFORMATION. 437 00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:54,954 >> IT'S MY OPINION. 438 00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:55,488 YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT MY 439 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,023 OPINION IS. 440 00:10:57,023 --> 00:10:57,490 >> Jimmy: BILL GATES 441 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,057 MICROCHIPPING YOUR PARENTS' 442 00:10:58,057 --> 00:10:58,558 BUTTS IS NOT AN OPINION. 443 00:10:58,558 --> 00:10:58,925 >> YOU'RE RIGHT. 444 00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:02,061 IT'S A FACT! 445 00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:02,629 WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, KIMMEL? 446 00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:05,532 SHOW US WHAT'S UP YOUR BUTT! 447 00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:05,832 [ LAUGHTER ] 448 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:06,499 >> Jimmy: I'M NOT GOING TO SHOW 449 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,068 YOU, THERE'S NOTHING IN THERE. 450 00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:09,702 THESE ARE LIES YOU'RE SPREADING. 451 00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:10,336 DANGEROUS LIES YOU'RE SPREADING. 452 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,505 THE VACCINES ARE VERY SAFE AND 453 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:13,373 YOU'RE SCARING KIDS NOW. 454 00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:14,007 >> CAN I DO THE RAP PART OF MY 455 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:14,340 SONG? 456 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,576 >> Jimmy: NO. 457 00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,344 I WOULD PREFER THAT YOU DIDN'T 458 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,013 BUT THANK YOU ‐‐ 459 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:20,180 ♪ 460 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,347 >> Jimmy: NO ‐‐ I ‐‐ OKAY. 461 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:21,981 >> WHEN I SAY "DARK LORD," YOU 462 00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:22,348 SAY "FAUCI!" 463 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:22,849 DARK LORD! 464 00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:23,416 >> FAUCI! 465 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:24,117 >> DARK LORD! 466 00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:24,617 >> FAUCI! 467 00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:25,118 >> DARK LORD! 468 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:25,652 >> FAUCI! 469 00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:26,352 >> DARK LORD! 470 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:26,886 >> FAUCI! 471 00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:29,756 >> YOU LIKE VACCINES? 472 00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:31,090 HERE'S YOUR VACCINE, JIMMY! 473 00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:32,559 >> Jimmy: NO, THANK YOU. 474 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:32,959 THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 475 00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:34,027 >> OPEN YOUR EYES, KIDS! 476 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:38,198 THE LETTER OF THE DAY IS Q! 477 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:38,331 Q! 478 00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:41,301 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 479 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,468 >> Jimmy: SO GET YOUR SHOTS, 480 00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:43,069 KIDS, THAT'S THE MORAL TO THE 481 00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:43,770 STORY. 482 00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:44,204 AND ONE MORE THING. 483 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:44,837 IT IS THURSDAY NIGHT AND TIME TO 484 00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:45,371 BLEEP AND BLUR THE BIG TV 485 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:46,005 MOMENTS OF THE WEEK WHETHER THEY 486 00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:48,541 NEED IT OR NOT. 487 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,209 IT IS "THIS WEEK IN UNNECESSARY 488 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,678 CENSORSHIP." 489 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,113 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 490 00:11:54,113 --> 00:11:56,416 >> FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER A 491 00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,017 YEAR, PEOPLE WILL ACTUALLY BE 492 00:11:58,017 --> 00:11:59,385 ALLOWED TO [ BLEEP ] EACH OTHER, 493 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,521 THOUGH IT SHOULD BE DONE 494 00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:01,821 CAUTIOUSLY. 495 00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:02,956 >> WHEN KAMALA HARRIS AND HER 496 00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,290 HUSBAND [ BLEEP ]ED THE OTHER 497 00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:05,858 DAY WHILE WEARING MASKS, THEY 498 00:12:05,858 --> 00:12:07,227 WERE GIVING YOU A PREVIEW OF 499 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,496 YOUR DAUGHTER'S WEDDING. 500 00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:12,899 >> IF I WAS IN THE CLASSROOM, I 501 00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,467 HAD A FEW MINUTES, I'D PULL OUT 502 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:14,968 MY [ BLEEP ]. 503 00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:17,170 >> I CAN TELL YOU MYSELF I 504 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,538 [ BLEEP ], [ BLEEP ] MONDAY 505 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:18,771 MORNING. 506 00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:21,007 I'VE ALREADY HAD TO [ BLEEP ], 507 00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:24,510 [ BLEEP ] FIVE TIMES. 508 00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,980 >> NO MORE REGULATIONS, NO MORE 509 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:27,780 TAXES. 510 00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:28,381 EVERYBODY [ BLEEP ] THE BIG 511 00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:29,549 [ BLEEP ] AND LET'S SEE WHAT WE 512 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:29,983 CAN DO. 513 00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:33,019 >> I [ BLEEP ] MY FIRST 514 00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:37,056 [ BLEEP ] AT EMILIO ESTEVES'S 515 00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:37,957 BIRTHDAY PARTY. 516 00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:39,659 >> HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT 517 00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:41,728 TOO, LONG JOHN SILVER'S, 518 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:42,328 [ BLEEP ] YEAH. 519 00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,229 >> [ BLEEP ]ING IN THE MIRROR. 520 00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:46,799 >> YEAH, THAT'S IT. 521 00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:48,101 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 522 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:48,701 >> Jimmy: WE'VE GOT A GREAT 523 00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:48,901 SHOW 524 00:12:48,901 --> 00:12:49,335 FOR YOU TONIGHT. 525 00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:50,370 SAMIRA WILEY IS HERE. 526 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,304 WE HAVE MUSIC FROM MORRAY. 527 00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:54,007 AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 528 00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:56,743 CHRIS ROCK. 529 00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:03,283 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 530 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,417 ♪ 531 00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:05,051 >> Jimmy: TONIGHT, FROM "THE 532 00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:05,585 HANDMAID'S TALE" ON HULU. 533 00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:07,387 SAMIRA WILEY IS HERE. 534 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:08,254 THEN LATER, MAKING HIS NETWORK 535 00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:09,188 TELEVISION DEBUT. 536 00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:09,756 HE'S APPLE MUSIC'S UP NEXT 537 00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:11,224 ARTIST. 538 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,393 HIS ALBUM IS CALLED "STREET 539 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:13,760 SERMONS." 540 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:18,097 MUSIC FROM MORRAY. 541 00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:19,365 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 542 00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:21,000 NEXT WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS 543 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:21,501 WITH SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, 544 00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,268 DON CHEADLE, PATTON OSWALT, 545 00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:24,270 RYAN SEACREST, GABRIELLE UNION 546 00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:25,538 AND DWYANE WADE, WITH MUSIC FROM 547 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,040 CHASE RICE, ROYAL BLOOD, 548 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,274 LAKE STREET DIVE, AND 549 00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:34,080 COUNTING CROWS. 550 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:34,580 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 551 00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:35,214 PLEASE JOIN US FOR ALL OF THAT. 552 00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:35,815 IT'S LIKE TWO WEEKS OF SHOWS. 553 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:36,416 OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A 554 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:37,383 BRILLIANTLY TALENTED MAN. 555 00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:39,252 HE WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH VERY HARD 556 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:39,886 AND SCARE THE BEJESUS OUT OF YOU 557 00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:41,721 TOO. 558 00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:42,555 HIS NEW MOVIE "SPIRAL: FROM THE 559 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:43,189 BOOK OF SAW" OPENS IN THEATERS 560 00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:43,756 TOMORROW. 561 00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:48,094 PLEASE WELCOME CHRIS ROCK. 562 00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:48,594 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 563 00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:48,895 HEY, CHRIS. 564 00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:49,595 >> HEY! 565 00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:54,567 HOW ARE YOU? 566 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:54,701 . 567 00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:55,335 >> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU? 568 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:55,768 >> I'M OKAY, JIMMY. 569 00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:58,838 JUST ‐‐ YOU KNOW. 570 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,207 HAPPY TO TAKE THE PAMPER OFF THE 571 00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:01,641 FRONT OF MY FACE. 572 00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:02,875 >> Jimmy: I KNOW, RIGHT? 573 00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:03,643 IT'S GREAT. 574 00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:05,311 REALLY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT. 575 00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:06,346 OF COURSE, WHEN YOU TRAVEL, YOU 576 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,715 STILL HAVE TO KEEP IT ON, BUT IT 577 00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:10,083 SEEMS LIKE FOR ALMOST EVERYTHING 578 00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,551 ELSE, IF YOU'RE VACCINATED, YOU 579 00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:12,719 CAN HAVE IT ALL. 580 00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,687 >> YEAH, I'M VAXED, TWO SHOTS 581 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,556 ROCK, THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL ME. 582 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:16,856 [ LAUGHTER ] 583 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:17,223 >> Jimmy: NICE. 584 00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:19,759 >> TWO SHOTS ROCK. 585 00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:21,427 I HAD A PAMPER ON MY FACE 586 00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:22,195 BECAUSE I TALK A LOT OF 587 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:22,595 [ BLEEP ], JIMMY. 588 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:25,231 [ LAUGHTER ] 589 00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:27,166 >> Jimmy: SO I'VE HEARD, SO I'VE 590 00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:27,834 HEARD. 591 00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:28,935 I'M CURIOUS. 592 00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:30,169 WEARING A MASK, DID YOU ‐‐ WAS 593 00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:30,803 THERE ANYTHING YOU LIKED ABOUT 594 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:34,073 IT? 595 00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:35,241 >> YOU KNOW WHAT'S WEIRD? 596 00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,677 IT WAS ‐‐ I GOT TO BE NOT FAMOUS 597 00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:38,611 FOR A WHOLE YEAR. 598 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:39,011 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 599 00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:39,212 RIGHT? 600 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:39,379 YES. 601 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,547 >> YEAH. 602 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:42,548 >> Jimmy: AND HOW DID YOU ‐‐ 603 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,015 >> IT SUCKED! 604 00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:43,316 [ LAUGHTER ] 605 00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:47,520 >> Jimmy: IT SUCKED. 606 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,589 >> WHY THE HELL WOULD ANYBODY 607 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:49,922 NOT BE FAMOUS? 608 00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,991 [ LAUGHTER ] 609 00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:53,126 >> Jimmy: CAN I TELL YOU 610 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:53,393 SOMETHING? 611 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,527 >> I HAD TO WAIT ON LINE FOR 612 00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:57,263 THINGS. 613 00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:59,098 YOU SHOULD SEE THE UGLY WOMEN I 614 00:14:59,098 --> 00:15:01,033 WAS DATING WHILE I WAS NOT 615 00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:01,267 FAMOUS. 616 00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:04,303 [ LAUGHTER ] 617 00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:05,805 >> Jimmy: YOU REALLY WENT FOR 618 00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:05,972 IT. 619 00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:07,840 DID YOU SEE SANDLER GET KICKED 620 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:08,841 OUT OF THAT IHOP? 621 00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:10,543 >> I KNOW, I KNOW. 622 00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:11,711 THAT'S WHAT THOSE MASKS DO, THEY 623 00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:14,113 DON'T KNOW WHO IT WAS. 624 00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:14,647 THEY THOUGHT IT WAS ROB 625 00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:14,914 SCHNEIDER. 626 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:20,353 [ LAUGHTER ] 627 00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:21,254 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, I WAS 628 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,388 WEARING THE MASK AND I THOUGHT, 629 00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:23,656 THIS IS KIND OF GREAT, I CAN GO 630 00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,358 IN THE DRUGSTORE, I CAN BUY 631 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,592 EMBARRASSING MEDICATIONS AGAIN. 632 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:27,160 >> YES! 633 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:27,827 >> Jimmy: I DON'T HAVE TO THINK 634 00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:28,261 ABOUT IT. 635 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,729 THEN I NOTICED PEOPLE ARE LIKE 636 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,364 KIND OF UNFRIENDLY. 637 00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:32,799 AND I THOUGHT, OH, WELL. 638 00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:33,966 IT'S BECAUSE OF COVID. 639 00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:35,401 THEN IT WENT ON AND ON AND ON. 640 00:15:35,401 --> 00:15:36,502 OH, PEOPLE ARE NOT THAT NICE. 641 00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:38,304 I WAS LIKE, OH ‐‐ PEOPLE ARE 642 00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:39,439 ONLY NICE BECAUSE THEY RECOGNIZE 643 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,440 ME FROM TV. 644 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:40,740 [ LAUGHTER ] 645 00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:41,374 >> YES, YES. 646 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,309 BUT WITH THE MASK, I GO INTO THE 647 00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:43,910 DRUGSTORE, I'M LIKE, MY BALLS 648 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:46,112 ITCH! 649 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:48,481 [ LAUGHTER ] 650 00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,716 >> Jimmy: IS THAT YOUR NEW 651 00:15:50,716 --> 00:15:51,083 APARTMENT? 652 00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:52,618 LOOKS LIKE WORK IS BEING DONE 653 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:52,852 THERE. 654 00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:54,687 >> YES, MY NEW SPOT. 655 00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:55,354 MY NEW SPOT. 656 00:15:55,354 --> 00:15:56,022 >> Jimmy: IS IT TRUE THAT YOU'VE 657 00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:57,757 NEVER LIVED IN THE CITY BEFORE, 658 00:15:57,757 --> 00:15:58,558 IN NEW YORK? 659 00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,460 >> I ‐‐ LIKE NOT FULL‐TIME. 660 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:01,694 I'VE BEEN ‐‐ I'VE HAD LIKE 661 00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:02,995 LITTLE OFFICES AND STUFF LIKE 662 00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:03,763 THAT. 663 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,465 BUT NOW I'M LIKE HERE! 664 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,899 >> Jimmy: I SEE WHY ARE YOU WERE 665 00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,267 AT THE COMEDY CELLAR LAST MONTH, 666 00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:10,036 YOU DID A COUPLE OF SPOTS THERE, 667 00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:10,236 RIGHT? 668 00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:11,404 >> I DID SOME SPOTS WHEN THEY 669 00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:12,805 OPENED UP, I DID A COUPLE OF 670 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,941 THINGS WITH DAVE. 671 00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:17,310 I WAS WITH MULANEY LAST NIGHT, I 672 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,077 OPENED FOR HIM LAST NIGHT. 673 00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:20,046 >> Jimmy: HOW DID THAT GO? 674 00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:25,017 >> THAT WENT REALLY GOOD, IT WAS 675 00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:25,485 REALLY GOOD. 676 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,452 >> Jimmy: THAT WOULD BE A LOT OF 677 00:16:26,452 --> 00:16:26,619 FUN. 678 00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:28,054 ARE PEOPLE SHOWING UP, PACKING 679 00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:29,155 IT LIKE THEY ALWAYS DID? 680 00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,590 >> PEOPLE ARE SHOWING UP. 681 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:31,624 EVERY NOW AND THEN SOMEBODY 682 00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:32,024 DIES. 683 00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:33,626 BUT WE KEEP THE SHOW GOING. 684 00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:33,926 [ LAUGHTER ] 685 00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:35,795 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, I WAS 686 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:39,499 READING LAST NIGHT A STORY ABOUT 687 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,200 YOU IN "ESQUIRE." 688 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,568 THE WRITER WAS WRITING ABOUT THE 689 00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:43,903 FACT THAT YOU'VE KEPT A JOURNAL 690 00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:46,606 FOR A LONG TIME, SINCE YOU WERE 691 00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:47,540 YOUNG, LIKE 35 PLUS YEARS OR 692 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:48,374 SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 693 00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:50,042 EVERY DAY YOU WRITE DOWN WHAT 694 00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:51,777 HAPPENED IN THE DAY OR WHATEVER. 695 00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:54,113 >> I WRITE DOWN, IN CASE THE 696 00:16:54,113 --> 00:16:55,748 POLICE EVER TRY TO FRAME ME ‐‐ 697 00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:58,117 [ LAUGHTER ] 698 00:16:58,117 --> 00:16:58,751 I HAVE EVIDENCE OF WHERE I WAS 699 00:16:58,751 --> 00:16:59,785 AT THE TIME. 700 00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:01,220 >> Jimmy: HOW OFTEN DO YOU 701 00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:03,456 CONSULT IT TO SEE, WHAT WAS I 702 00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,858 DOING 15 YEARS AGO ON THIS DAY? 703 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,027 >> I LOOK AT IT FOR JOKES. 704 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:12,098 I KIND OF LOOK AT IT FOR JOKES. 705 00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:12,999 SOMETIMES IT'S HARD BECAUSE I 706 00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:15,535 CHANGE MY NAME AND A BUNCH OF 707 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,602 NAMES BECAUSE IF SOMEBODY FINDS 708 00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:16,969 IT, I'M BUSTED. 709 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:20,273 [ LAUGHTER ] 710 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:23,476 I CHANGE MY OWN NAME. 711 00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,044 NOBODY NEEDS TO KNOW I HAD SEX 712 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:28,047 WITH MRS. GARRETT FROM "FACTS OF 713 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:28,514 LIFE." 714 00:17:28,514 --> 00:17:28,814 [ LAUGHTER ] 715 00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:29,615 NOBODY CAN GO THERE. 716 00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:30,716 >> Jimmy: HOW DETAIL DODD YOU 717 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:30,883 GET? 718 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,319 WILL THIS MAKE THE JOURNAL 719 00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:33,553 TONIGHT? 720 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:34,687 >> YOU ALWAYS MAKE THE JOURNAL. 721 00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:36,589 >> Jimmy: OH, REALLY? 722 00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:37,089 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 723 00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:38,190 THAT'S GREAT, I LOVE TO BE A 724 00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:39,559 PART OF THE JOURNAL. 725 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,160 IT'S MY DREAM TO BE IN YOUR 726 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:41,661 JOURNAL. 727 00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:42,995 HAS ANYONE EVER VIOLATED YOUR 728 00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:44,096 PRIVACY AND READ THE JOURNAL? 729 00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:46,866 >> OH, PLEASE. 730 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:49,368 IF YOU'VE BEEN WITH A WOMAN FOR 731 00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:51,237 FIVE YEARS, SHE KNOWS THE CODE 732 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,205 TO YOUR PHONE, AND SHE'S READ 733 00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:53,873 EVERYTHING YOU'VE WRITTEN DOWN. 734 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,341 >> Jimmy: I SEE, I GOTCHA. 735 00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:56,175 ARE YOU LIKE DATING? 736 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,377 ARE YOU ON AN APP OR ANYTHING 737 00:17:58,377 --> 00:17:59,545 LIKE THAT? 738 00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:00,146 MEETING PEOPLE? 739 00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:00,513 >> YEAH. 740 00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:01,380 I MEAN, YOU KNOW. 741 00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:02,081 I'M TRYING. 742 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,616 I'M TRYING, YOU KNOW. 743 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:04,550 IT'S NEVER THE ONES YOU WANT, 744 00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:04,750 JIMMY. 745 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,653 [ LAUGHTER ] 746 00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:08,688 >> Jimmy: WELL, WHY DON'T YOU 747 00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,957 ANNOUNCE A LIST OF THE ONES YOU 748 00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:12,325 WANT, THEN MAYBE THEY'LL WATCH 749 00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:13,626 THIS ON YOUTUBE TOMORROW AND 750 00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:14,060 CALL YOU. 751 00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:16,829 >> IT'S NEVER THE ONES YOU WANT. 752 00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:17,163 YOU KNOW. 753 00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:18,064 I GO OUT. 754 00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:18,364 YOU KNOW. 755 00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:19,632 >> Jimmy: ARE YOU CONFIDENT? 756 00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:20,900 I KNOW ‐‐ YOU APPEAR TO BE A 757 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:21,801 VERY CONFIDENT GUY. 758 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,603 BUT WHEN IT COMES TO DATING AND 759 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,870 GIVING SOMEBODY YOUR PHONE 760 00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:26,172 NUMBER OR WHATEVER, ARE YOU 761 00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:26,439 CONFIDENT? 762 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,340 >> NO. 763 00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:28,708 I MEAN, NOW, BECAUSE OF ALL THE 764 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:31,277 "ME TOO" STUFF, I NEVER MAKE THE 765 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:31,577 FIRST MOVE. 766 00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:32,044 >> Jimmy: OH, REALLY? 767 00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:32,845 >> EVER. 768 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:33,946 >> Jimmy: YOU THINK THAT 769 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,047 PROTECTS YOU IN SOME WAY? 770 00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:37,683 [ BLEEP ]. TO ASK FOR THIS 771 00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:38,017 [ LAUGHTER ] 772 00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:49,362 I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW. 773 00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:52,098 YOU GOT TO REQUEST THIS. 774 00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:53,032 >> Jimmy: I THINK YOU SHOULD 775 00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:55,067 WRITE THAT ON THE COVER OF THE 776 00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:57,236 JOURNAL. 777 00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:57,536 [ LAUGHTER ] 778 00:18:57,536 --> 00:18:57,770 >> YEAH. 779 00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:58,671 I GOT A TATTOO. 780 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,206 "YOU GOT TO ASK FOR THIS 781 00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:00,506 [ BLEEP ]." 782 00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:03,042 >> Jimmy: YOU MADE THIS HORROR 783 00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:03,242 MOVIE. 784 00:19:03,242 --> 00:19:05,511 APPARENTLY ‐‐ I LEARNED ABOUT 785 00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:07,179 YOU, YOU LOVE HORROR MOVIES, 786 00:19:07,179 --> 00:19:07,747 YES? 787 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,582 >> I DO LOVE HORROR MOVIES. 788 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,183 >> Jimmy: YOU LOVED THE "SAW" 789 00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:12,718 SERIES AND YOU THOUGHT, I'D LIKE 790 00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:15,087 TO MAKE A MOVIE IN THE "SAW" 791 00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:15,321 SERIES. 792 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,490 >> YES, YES, YES, YES, YES. 793 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,092 >> Jimmy: YOU WENT TO THE "SAW" 794 00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:20,326 PEOPLE. 795 00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,094 THERE ARE "SAW" PEOPLE, I GUESS? 796 00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:23,929 >> YEAH, JOHNNY SAW, THE SAW 797 00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:24,263 FAMILY. 798 00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:24,597 [ LAUGHTER ] 799 00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:27,166 >> Jimmy: AND YOU SAID, DID YOU 800 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,834 SAY, I HAVE AN IDEA? 801 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,336 OR, I JUST WANT TO DO SOMETHING 802 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:31,070 IN THE SERIES? 803 00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:33,939 >> I SAID, I HAVE AN IDEA, I 804 00:19:33,939 --> 00:19:35,875 LIKE YOUR SERIES, HAVE YOU EVER 805 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,476 CONSIDERED ADDING SOME HUMOR 806 00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:38,611 INTO IT? 807 00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:42,114 SPRINKLING IT IN? 808 00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:42,615 >> Jimmy: HAD THEY EVER 809 00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:42,982 CONSIDERED THAT? 810 00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:43,315 >> NO. 811 00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:46,018 THEY HADN'T CONSIDERED IT. 812 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:46,986 AND, YOU KNOW ‐‐ I SAW THE 813 00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:51,557 GUY ‐‐ I SAW THE HEADLINES AT A 814 00:19:51,557 --> 00:19:52,725 WEDDING, I KIND OF MENTIONED IT, 815 00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:54,493 THREE WEEKS LATER I HAD THIS 816 00:19:54,493 --> 00:19:54,927 MEETING. 817 00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:55,461 HERE WE ARE. 818 00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:56,028 NOW I'M ON THE JIMMY KIMMEL 819 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,764 SHOW. 820 00:19:58,764 --> 00:19:59,065 [ LAUGHTER ] 821 00:19:59,065 --> 00:19:59,732 >> Jimmy: WOW, YOU REALLY MADE 822 00:19:59,732 --> 00:19:59,899 IT. 823 00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,701 >> I MADE IT! 824 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,335 I MADE IT! 825 00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:04,003 >> Jimmy: AND THIS IS ‐‐ 826 00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:05,071 >> HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT WE DID 827 00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:06,472 THIS YEAR, YOU AND I? 828 00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:07,773 >> Jimmy: WHAT DID WE DO? 829 00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:10,342 GO THROUGH. 830 00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:10,943 >> WE DIDN'T HOST THE OSCARS! 831 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:11,444 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 832 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:13,713 >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT. 833 00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:18,084 WE SURE DIDN'T. 834 00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:18,818 >> WASN'T ME! 835 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:23,022 [ LAUGHTER ] 836 00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:24,323 >> Jimmy: I KNOW, IT WAS REAL 837 00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:25,725 WEIRD, FEELING OF RELIEF TO HAVE 838 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:28,360 NOT BEEN INVOLVED IN THAT AT 839 00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:28,627 ALL. 840 00:20:28,627 --> 00:20:29,962 >> WHEN YOU'RE HOME ‐‐ I WAS 841 00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,030 LIKE A BACK SEAT DRIVER. 842 00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:32,598 I WAS LIKE ‐‐ LIKE MY FATHER 843 00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:36,001 USED TO SAY, "BRAKE, BRAKE!" 844 00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:36,535 I WAS LIKE, "JOKE, JOKE!" 845 00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:38,337 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 846 00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:39,105 >> Jimmy: IT'S WEIRD. 847 00:20:39,105 --> 00:20:40,573 IN A WAY IT'S LIKE THE OPPOSITE 848 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:41,741 OF YOUR CONVERSATION WITH THE 849 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,042 PEOPLE AT "SAW." 850 00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:44,643 YOU'RE LIKE, HAVE YOU EVER 851 00:20:44,643 --> 00:20:45,511 CONSIDERED ADDING SOME HUMOR 852 00:20:45,511 --> 00:20:47,446 INTO THE "SAW" SERIES? 853 00:20:47,446 --> 00:20:48,581 SOMEONE MUST HAVE GONE TO THE 854 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,382 OSCARS AND SAID, HAVE YOU EVER 855 00:20:50,382 --> 00:20:51,150 CONSIDERED SUBTRACTING ALL THE 856 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:51,617 HUMOR FROM THE OSCARS? 857 00:20:51,617 --> 00:20:54,186 [ LAUGHTER ] 858 00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:57,089 >> THEY DID A GOOD JOB. 859 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,124 IF THAT WAS WHAT THEY WENT FOR. 860 00:20:58,124 --> 00:20:59,258 >> Jimmy: WHEN WE COME BACK, 861 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:02,628 WE'LL SEE A CLIP FROM THE MOVIE 862 00:21:02,628 --> 00:21:05,197 CHRIS WILL PROBABLY NOW NOT GET 863 00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:06,665 NOMINATED FOR NEXT OSCARS," 864 00:21:06,665 --> 00:21:07,466 SPIRAL: FROM THE BOOK OF SAW." 865 00:21:07,466 --> 00:21:09,535 BE RIGHT BACK WITH CHRIS ROCK. 866 00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:19,545 >>> YOU OKAY? 867 00:21:19,545 --> 00:21:26,819 HEY! 868 00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:32,758 HELP! 869 00:21:47,506 --> 00:21:50,142 >> Jimmy: DON'T DO IT, CHRIS! 870 00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:50,643 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 871 00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:51,677 THAT IS "SPIRAL: FROM THE BOOK 872 00:21:51,677 --> 00:21:52,211 OF SAW." 873 00:21:52,211 --> 00:21:53,112 CHRIS ROCK. 874 00:21:53,112 --> 00:21:54,580 IT OPENS IN THEATERS TOMORROW. 875 00:21:54,580 --> 00:21:55,714 CHRIS, DO YOU THINK A HUMAN 876 00:21:55,714 --> 00:21:58,484 BEING COULD SAW THROUGH HIS OWN 877 00:21:58,484 --> 00:21:58,651 ARM? 878 00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,753 >> I MEAN ‐‐ I WAS ON A DATE 879 00:22:00,753 --> 00:22:01,654 LAST WEEK ‐‐ 880 00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:01,954 [ LAUGHTER ] 881 00:22:01,954 --> 00:22:02,721 AND I COULD HAVE SAWED THROUGH 882 00:22:02,721 --> 00:22:06,892 MY OWN HEAD. 883 00:22:06,892 --> 00:22:07,359 THIS GIRL WAS SO DUMB. 884 00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:11,597 OH MY GOD. 885 00:22:11,597 --> 00:22:17,403 OH, GOD. 886 00:22:17,403 --> 00:22:18,003 GO HOME AND HUG YOUR WIFE, 887 00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:18,204 JIMMY. 888 00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:21,006 [ LAUGHTER ] 889 00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:21,907 >> Jimmy: SHE'S RIGHT HERE, I 890 00:22:21,907 --> 00:22:23,042 CAN DO IT RIGHT NOW. 891 00:22:23,042 --> 00:22:24,543 >> HUG YOUR WIFE. 892 00:22:24,543 --> 00:22:25,678 >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU BEEN 893 00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:26,445 HANDCUFFED BEFORE THAT SCENE? 894 00:22:26,445 --> 00:22:28,380 >> I'VE BEEN HANDCUFFED ‐‐ YEAH, 895 00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:30,683 BECAUSE ‐‐ WELL, I'M BLACK, 896 00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:31,050 JIMMY. 897 00:22:31,050 --> 00:22:31,350 [ LAUGHTER ] 898 00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:33,352 SO I HAVE BEEN HANDCUFFED. 899 00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:34,019 >> Jimmy: WERE YOU INVOLVED IN 900 00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:34,320 THE ‐‐ 901 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:34,920 >> HAVE YOU EVER HAD CHICKEN, 902 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:38,791 CHRIS? 903 00:22:38,791 --> 00:22:43,529 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 904 00:22:43,529 --> 00:22:44,096 >> Jimmy: THAT WAS MY NEXT 905 00:22:44,096 --> 00:22:44,730 QUESTION, ACTUALLY. 906 00:22:44,730 --> 00:22:46,832 I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES. 907 00:22:46,832 --> 00:22:50,469 >> I HAVE BEEN HANDCUFFED. 908 00:22:50,469 --> 00:22:51,437 >> Jimmy: WERE YOU AT ALL 909 00:22:51,437 --> 00:22:53,205 INVOLVED IN ‐‐ BECAUSE I'VE GOT 910 00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:55,274 TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, I'LL BE 911 00:22:55,274 --> 00:22:56,742 HONEST, I HAVE NOT SEEN THE 912 00:22:56,742 --> 00:22:58,611 MOVIE AND I WILL NOT SEE THE 913 00:22:58,611 --> 00:22:59,078 MOVIE. 914 00:22:59,078 --> 00:23:00,713 I ENJOY YOU, I LOVE YOU, I THINK 915 00:23:00,713 --> 00:23:02,748 YOU WERE GREAT IN "FARGO." 916 00:23:02,748 --> 00:23:05,317 >> OH, YOU WATCH THOSE SCARY 917 00:23:05,317 --> 00:23:06,085 OSCARS. 918 00:23:06,085 --> 00:23:06,385 [ LAUGHTER ] 919 00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:07,119 >> Jimmy: I DID WATCH THAT. 920 00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:09,121 I DO HAVE TO SAY IT'S JUST TOO 921 00:23:09,121 --> 00:23:09,855 SCARY FOR ME. 922 00:23:09,855 --> 00:23:10,923 I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT 923 00:23:10,923 --> 00:23:11,624 ME. 924 00:23:11,624 --> 00:23:12,524 I DON'T KNOW IF IT MEANS I'M 925 00:23:12,524 --> 00:23:14,126 MATURE OR IMMATURE, BUT I DON'T 926 00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:15,928 WATCH SCARY MOVIES. 927 00:23:15,928 --> 00:23:17,396 YOU LOVE THESE SCARY MOVIES. 928 00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:18,230 I DON'T FEEL THAT SAME WAY. 929 00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:19,298 >> DUDE, IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU'RE 930 00:23:19,298 --> 00:23:21,834 IN A THEATER, IT'S RIGHT NEXT TO 931 00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:22,167 LAUGHTER. 932 00:23:22,167 --> 00:23:23,269 WHEN YOU'RE IN A THEATER AND 933 00:23:23,269 --> 00:23:24,536 LIKE THE WHOLE THEATER GETS 934 00:23:24,536 --> 00:23:25,170 SCARED AND THEY JUMP BACK AT THE 935 00:23:25,170 --> 00:23:27,406 SAME TIME? 936 00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:28,841 IT'S KIND OF FLY, MAN. 937 00:23:28,841 --> 00:23:29,508 >> Jimmy: YEAH, I CAN UNDERSTAND 938 00:23:29,508 --> 00:23:31,277 THAT, I JUST DON'T ‐‐ IT JUST ‐‐ 939 00:23:31,277 --> 00:23:34,013 I WENT TO SEE "THE AMITYVILLE 940 00:23:34,013 --> 00:23:35,481 HORROR" WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER. 941 00:23:35,481 --> 00:23:37,016 IT REALLY WAS ONE OF THE WORST 942 00:23:37,016 --> 00:23:38,384 NIGHTS OF MY WHOLE LIFE. 943 00:23:38,384 --> 00:23:39,652 I WAS UP ALL NIGHT HEARING THE 944 00:23:39,652 --> 00:23:41,887 WORDS "GET OUT!" 945 00:23:41,887 --> 00:23:43,722 OF COURSE, IT WAS MY COUSIN 946 00:23:43,722 --> 00:23:45,357 STEVEN IN THE NEXT BED SAYING 947 00:23:45,357 --> 00:23:46,759 GET OUT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. 948 00:23:46,759 --> 00:23:48,227 DID YOU GO WHEN YOU WERE A KID? 949 00:23:48,227 --> 00:23:51,263 WOULD YOU GO TO THESE MOVIES? 950 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:53,365 >> I COULDN'T WAIT TILL "THE 951 00:23:53,365 --> 00:23:54,266 AMITYVILLE HORROR." 952 00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:56,802 I WAS A LITTLE, LITTLE KID I 953 00:23:56,802 --> 00:23:58,270 REMEMBER SEEING "THE OMEN." 954 00:23:58,270 --> 00:23:59,571 THAT WAS THE SCARIEST ONE. 955 00:23:59,571 --> 00:24:00,639 >> Jimmy: OH, GOD, YES. 956 00:24:00,639 --> 00:24:02,207 >> IT WAS A DEVIL KID. 957 00:24:02,207 --> 00:24:04,009 IT WAS LIKE, I KNOW KIDS, MAYBE 958 00:24:04,009 --> 00:24:04,376 HE'S THE DEVIL! 959 00:24:04,376 --> 00:24:04,643 YOU KNOW? 960 00:24:04,643 --> 00:24:07,579 [ LAUGHTER ] 961 00:24:07,579 --> 00:24:09,014 >> Jimmy: NOW ALL KIDS IN OUR 962 00:24:09,014 --> 00:24:11,050 MOVIES ARE THE DEVIL TOO. 963 00:24:11,050 --> 00:24:12,184 >> YES, YES. 964 00:24:12,184 --> 00:24:13,752 >> Jimmy: NEVER TRUST A KID IN A 965 00:24:13,752 --> 00:24:14,186 HORROR MOVIE. 966 00:24:14,186 --> 00:24:15,988 >> THAT'S WHY THAT GUY'S SO MEAN 967 00:24:15,988 --> 00:24:18,324 TO ME IN SCHOOL, HE'S THE DEVIL! 968 00:24:18,324 --> 00:24:18,857 [ LAUGHTER ] 969 00:24:18,857 --> 00:24:19,892 >> Jimmy: WHO WOULD YOU SEE 970 00:24:19,892 --> 00:24:22,194 THESE MOVIES WITH, LIKE "THE 971 00:24:22,194 --> 00:24:22,394 OMEN"? 972 00:24:22,394 --> 00:24:23,395 >> WEIRD THING IS MY FATHER 973 00:24:23,395 --> 00:24:25,197 WOULD TAKE US TO THE MOVIES. 974 00:24:25,197 --> 00:24:26,765 YOU EVER GO TO MOVIES AND YOU'RE 975 00:24:26,765 --> 00:24:28,133 LIKE, WHY DID THIS GROWN PERSON 976 00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:31,403 HAVE THESE KIDS IN AN R‐RATED 977 00:24:31,403 --> 00:24:31,837 MOVIE? 978 00:24:31,837 --> 00:24:33,005 THAT WOULD BE MY FATHER. 979 00:24:33,005 --> 00:24:33,305 [ LAUGHTER ] 980 00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:37,376 >> Jimmy: YEAH, REALLY. 981 00:24:37,376 --> 00:24:38,978 >> TELL MY MOTHER WE'RE GOING TO 982 00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:42,247 SEE SNOOPY, NEXT THING WE'RE AT 983 00:24:42,247 --> 00:24:43,148 "GODFATHER II." 984 00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:44,917 >> Jimmy: DID HE TAKE YOU TO 985 00:24:44,917 --> 00:24:46,685 DIRTY MOVIES TOO OR JUST THE 986 00:24:46,685 --> 00:24:47,853 VIOLENT AND SCARY MOVIES? 987 00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:48,887 >> NO, NO, THOSE WERE IN THE 988 00:24:48,887 --> 00:24:49,221 HOUSE, JIMMY. 989 00:24:49,221 --> 00:24:51,190 [ LAUGHTER ] 990 00:24:51,190 --> 00:24:52,825 >> Jimmy: THE MOVIE OPENS IN 991 00:24:52,825 --> 00:24:54,693 THEATERS TOMORROW. 992 00:24:54,693 --> 00:24:55,494 ARE YOU GOING TO GO TO A THEATER 993 00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:55,794 AND SEE IT? 994 00:24:55,794 --> 00:24:57,830 >> I AM GOING TO GO TO A 995 00:24:57,830 --> 00:24:59,698 THEATER, I CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO A 996 00:24:59,698 --> 00:24:59,965 THEATER. 997 00:24:59,965 --> 00:25:00,532 >> Jimmy: THAT WILL BE FUN. 998 00:25:00,532 --> 00:25:02,334 YOU SHOULD PICK THE PERFECT 999 00:25:02,334 --> 00:25:04,003 TENSE MOMENT, MAYBE BRING A 1000 00:25:04,003 --> 00:25:05,571 CHAINSAW, CUT THROUGH THE MOVIE 1001 00:25:05,571 --> 00:25:06,939 SCREEN, AND JUST LEAP OUT AT THE 1002 00:25:06,939 --> 00:25:07,573 AUDIENCE. 1003 00:25:07,573 --> 00:25:07,873 [ LAUGHTER ] 1004 00:25:07,873 --> 00:25:10,309 THAT WOULD BE SOMETHING PEOPLE 1005 00:25:10,309 --> 00:25:10,743 WOULD NEVER FORGET. 1006 00:25:10,743 --> 00:25:12,111 >> I MIGHT DO THAT, I MIGHT DO 1007 00:25:12,111 --> 00:25:12,311 THAT. 1008 00:25:12,311 --> 00:25:14,013 >> Jimmy: SAM JACKSON'S IN THE 1009 00:25:14,013 --> 00:25:14,747 MOVIE WITH YOU. 1010 00:25:14,747 --> 00:25:15,314 >> YES. 1011 00:25:15,314 --> 00:25:16,548 >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN 1012 00:25:16,548 --> 00:25:18,350 INVITED ON SAM AND MAGIC 1013 00:25:18,350 --> 00:25:19,585 JOHNSON'S ANNUAL YACHT TRIP TO 1014 00:25:19,585 --> 00:25:20,152 ITALY? 1015 00:25:20,152 --> 00:25:20,452 [ LAUGHTER ] 1016 00:25:20,452 --> 00:25:20,919 >> NO. 1017 00:25:20,919 --> 00:25:24,356 I'M NOT BLACK ENOUGH, JIMMY. 1018 00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:25,858 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 1019 00:25:25,858 --> 00:25:26,492 >> Jimmy: DO YOU THINK THAT'S 1020 00:25:26,492 --> 00:25:27,559 THE REASON WHY? 1021 00:25:27,559 --> 00:25:28,794 BECAUSE I'VE BEEN JOCKEYING TO 1022 00:25:28,794 --> 00:25:31,830 GET ON THAT TRIP FOR LIKE SEVEN 1023 00:25:31,830 --> 00:25:32,898 OR EIGHT YEARS NOW. 1024 00:25:32,898 --> 00:25:33,899 >> ME TOO, ME TOO. 1025 00:25:33,899 --> 00:25:35,034 YOU'VE GOT TO BE REALLY RICH TO 1026 00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:36,301 GET ON THAT BOAT. 1027 00:25:36,301 --> 00:25:36,935 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 1028 00:25:36,935 --> 00:25:39,438 YOU THINK THAT'S WHAT IT IS? 1029 00:25:39,438 --> 00:25:41,707 I KNOW ANTHONY ANDERSON WENT. 1030 00:25:41,707 --> 00:25:42,174 HE'S NOT THAT RICH. 1031 00:25:42,174 --> 00:25:44,009 >> THINK ABOUT IT. 1032 00:25:44,009 --> 00:25:44,777 SAM'S 70. 1033 00:25:44,777 --> 00:25:48,714 HE'S IN THE BEST SHAPE OF ANY 1034 00:25:48,714 --> 00:25:50,349 70‐YEAR‐OLD PERSON IN THE WORLD. 1035 00:25:50,349 --> 00:25:53,085 >> Jimmy: IT'S CRAZY, 70, RIGHT. 1036 00:25:53,085 --> 00:25:55,454 >> MAGIC GOT HIV, AND HE CAN 1037 00:25:55,454 --> 00:25:56,822 KICK ALL OUR ASS. 1038 00:25:56,822 --> 00:25:57,122 [ LAUGHTER ] 1039 00:25:57,122 --> 00:25:57,923 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 1040 00:25:57,923 --> 00:26:00,325 HE HAS MADE A MOCKERY OF HIV, 1041 00:26:00,325 --> 00:26:02,127 YOU AGREE? 1042 00:26:02,127 --> 00:26:02,828 >> YEAH, YEAH. 1043 00:26:02,828 --> 00:26:03,295 >> Jimmy: YES. 1044 00:26:03,295 --> 00:26:04,363 >> THEY'RE ON SOME OTHER ‐‐ THEY 1045 00:26:04,363 --> 00:26:05,597 CAN'T LET YOU SEE WHAT THEY'RE 1046 00:26:05,597 --> 00:26:05,831 DOING. 1047 00:26:05,831 --> 00:26:07,766 >> Jimmy: AH, THAT'S WHAT IT IS! 1048 00:26:07,766 --> 00:26:08,400 THEY'VE GOT SECRETS THEY DON'T 1049 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,036 WANT TO REVEAL. 1050 00:26:11,036 --> 00:26:12,071 >> YES. 1051 00:26:12,071 --> 00:26:13,272 >> Jimmy: THAT IS GREAT. 1052 00:26:13,272 --> 00:26:13,539 ALL RIGHT. 1053 00:26:13,539 --> 00:26:15,674 I HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE, BUT 1054 00:26:15,674 --> 00:26:16,975 I'M REALLY GOOD AT PRETENDING 1055 00:26:16,975 --> 00:26:17,810 THAT I DID. 1056 00:26:17,810 --> 00:26:18,877 SO I WILL SAY, THIS IS A GREAT 1057 00:26:18,877 --> 00:26:19,511 MOVIE, PEOPLE SHOULD GO SEE IT. 1058 00:26:19,511 --> 00:26:22,314 [ LAUGHTER ] 1059 00:26:22,314 --> 00:26:23,816 THIS IS ONE OF CHRIS' BEST, ONE 1060 00:26:23,816 --> 00:26:25,217 OF THE BEST THINGS YOU'VE EVER 1061 00:26:25,217 --> 00:26:25,551 DONE, CHRIS. 1062 00:26:25,551 --> 00:26:26,418 >> IT IS. 1063 00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:27,586 IT IS, THANK YOU. 1064 00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:27,986 THANK YOU. 1065 00:26:27,986 --> 00:26:28,921 >> Jimmy: CHRIS, I LOVE HAVING 1066 00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:30,656 YOU ON, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 1067 00:26:30,656 --> 00:26:31,924 "SPIRAL: FROM THE BOOK OF SAW." 1068 00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:34,560 GO SEE IT IN A THEATER, AS GOD 1069 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:35,561 INTENDED US TO DO. 1070 00:26:35,561 --> 00:26:36,862 IT OPENS TOMORROW. 1071 00:26:36,862 --> 00:26:39,498 CHRIS ROCK, EVERYBODY. 1072 00:26:39,498 --> 00:26:39,998 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1073 00:26:39,998 --> 00:26:42,334 WE'LL BE BACK WITH SAMIRA WILEY! 1074 00:26:48,907 --> 00:26:49,575 >> Jimmy: MUSIC FROM MORRAY IS 1075 00:26:49,575 --> 00:26:51,443 ON THE WAY. 1076 00:26:51,443 --> 00:26:51,910 OUR NEXT GUEST IS AN 1077 00:26:51,910 --> 00:26:52,511 EMMY‐WINNING ACTRESS WHO LAST 1078 00:26:52,511 --> 00:26:54,446 NIGHT, LEFT FANS OPEN‐MOUTHED IN 1079 00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:55,747 THE GREEN GLOW OF THE HULU LOGO 1080 00:26:55,747 --> 00:26:57,850 AFTER AN EXPLOSIVE CLIFFHANGER 1081 00:26:57,850 --> 00:27:01,587 ON "THE HANDMAID'S TALE." 1082 00:27:01,587 --> 00:27:02,154 NEW EPISODES COME OUT EVERY 1083 00:27:02,154 --> 00:27:05,124 WEDNESDAY. 1084 00:27:05,124 --> 00:27:08,527 PLEASE WELCOME SAMIRA WILEY! 1085 00:27:08,527 --> 00:27:09,027 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1086 00:27:09,027 --> 00:27:17,069 ♪ 1087 00:27:17,069 --> 00:27:19,271 >> Jimmy: WELCOME. 1088 00:27:19,271 --> 00:27:20,606 WELL, THANKS FOR COMING. 1089 00:27:20,606 --> 00:27:22,307 I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 1090 00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:23,842 WE'VE NOT MET BEFORE, BUT YOU 1091 00:27:23,842 --> 00:27:26,845 DID MEET GUILLERMO AT THE EMMYS. 1092 00:27:26,845 --> 00:27:28,113 >> Guillermo: HI, GOOD TO SEE 1093 00:27:28,113 --> 00:27:28,413 YOU AGAIN. 1094 00:27:28,413 --> 00:27:29,081 >> Jimmy: DO YOU REMEMBER THAT 1095 00:27:29,081 --> 00:27:29,581 AT ALL? 1096 00:27:29,581 --> 00:27:32,651 >> I DO REMEMBER THAT. 1097 00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:33,252 I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT. 1098 00:27:33,252 --> 00:27:34,019 >> Jimmy: THERE WAS TEQUIL 1099 00:27:34,019 --> 00:27:34,820 INVOLVED, AS I RECALL? 1100 00:27:34,820 --> 00:27:36,989 >> THERE WAS TEQUILA INVOLVED, 1101 00:27:36,989 --> 00:27:37,389 YES, THERE WAS. 1102 00:27:37,389 --> 00:27:39,224 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 1103 00:27:39,224 --> 00:27:40,425 >> THAT NIGHT WILL STICK IN MY 1104 00:27:40,425 --> 00:27:41,059 HEAD, NOT ONLY BECAUSE I WON ‐‐ 1105 00:27:41,059 --> 00:27:44,763 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1106 00:27:44,763 --> 00:27:45,898 >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD REASON. 1107 00:27:45,898 --> 00:27:48,934 >> THAT'S A VERY GOOD REASON. 1108 00:27:48,934 --> 00:27:50,102 ANOTHER CRAZY REASON IS, SO I'M 1109 00:27:50,102 --> 00:27:51,603 ON THE WAY TO THE EMMYS. 1110 00:27:51,603 --> 00:27:53,472 I'M IN THE CAR, VERY EXCITED. 1111 00:27:53,472 --> 00:27:54,740 WAS PRESENTING THAT NIGHT AS 1112 00:27:54,740 --> 00:27:55,073 WELL. 1113 00:27:55,073 --> 00:27:56,408 AND WE'RE ABOUT HALFWAY THERE. 1114 00:27:56,408 --> 00:27:57,509 AND MY WIFE SAYS TO ME, YOU GOT 1115 00:27:57,509 --> 00:27:59,711 THE TICKETS, RIGHT? 1116 00:27:59,711 --> 00:28:00,245 I SAID, UH, NOPE. 1117 00:28:00,245 --> 00:28:02,814 [ LAUGHTER ] 1118 00:28:02,814 --> 00:28:03,916 AND I WAS LIKE, I'M FINE. 1119 00:28:03,916 --> 00:28:04,716 YOU KNOW, I'M PRESENTING. 1120 00:28:04,716 --> 00:28:07,119 I'M NOMINATED. 1121 00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:08,720 MY PUBLICIST CALLS JUST TO MAKE 1122 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:09,721 SURE EVERYTHING IS FINE. 1123 00:28:09,721 --> 00:28:11,590 THEY'RE LIKE, UH‐UH, NO. 1124 00:28:11,590 --> 00:28:12,124 >> Jimmy: WHO WAS? 1125 00:28:12,124 --> 00:28:12,624 THE EMMYS? 1126 00:28:12,624 --> 00:28:14,693 >> YEAH, THE EMMYS WERE LIKE, 1127 00:28:14,693 --> 00:28:16,595 NO, YOU CAN'T GET IN WITHOUT THE 1128 00:28:16,595 --> 00:28:16,862 TICKETS. 1129 00:28:16,862 --> 00:28:17,829 >> Jimmy: WHAT? 1130 00:28:17,829 --> 00:28:19,798 >> SO ‐‐ WE HAD TO GO ALL THE 1131 00:28:19,798 --> 00:28:20,365 WAY BACK. 1132 00:28:20,365 --> 00:28:21,300 >> Jimmy: REALLY? 1133 00:28:21,300 --> 00:28:22,734 >> CALL MY STYLIST. 1134 00:28:22,734 --> 00:28:24,136 AND HE'S LIKE, WELL, YOU HAVE TO 1135 00:28:24,136 --> 00:28:26,004 MAKE THE CARPET, BECAUSE WE NEED 1136 00:28:26,004 --> 00:28:27,272 PICTURES OF YOUR OUTFIT. 1137 00:28:27,272 --> 00:28:28,774 BECAUSE THEY GIVE YOU THE OUTFIT 1138 00:28:28,774 --> 00:28:30,242 JUST SO YOU CAN TAKE THE 1139 00:28:30,242 --> 00:28:30,509 PICTURES. 1140 00:28:30,509 --> 00:28:30,809 [ LAUGHTER ] 1141 00:28:30,809 --> 00:28:32,511 >> Jimmy: RIGHT, RIGHT. 1142 00:28:32,511 --> 00:28:33,612 >> SO WE'RE RACING. 1143 00:28:33,612 --> 00:28:34,146 WE GET BACK. 1144 00:28:34,146 --> 00:28:34,846 >> Jimmy: WHAT? 1145 00:28:34,846 --> 00:28:36,381 >> TO THE CARPET. 1146 00:28:36,381 --> 00:28:37,916 I'M LIKE, ALL RIGHT, WE'RE HERE. 1147 00:28:37,916 --> 00:28:40,852 CRICKETS, JIMMY. 1148 00:28:40,852 --> 00:28:42,354 THERE IS ‐‐ I MEAN, PEOPLE ARE 1149 00:28:42,354 --> 00:28:44,623 PICKING UP TRASH ON THE CARPET. 1150 00:28:44,623 --> 00:28:46,592 I MISSED EVERYTHING. 1151 00:28:46,592 --> 00:28:48,293 AND THERE WERE NO PICTURES. 1152 00:28:48,293 --> 00:28:51,230 AND FINALLY WE GET IN THERE. 1153 00:28:51,230 --> 00:28:53,732 AND THERE ARE PEOPLE SAVING OUR 1154 00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:53,932 SEATS. 1155 00:28:53,932 --> 00:28:55,334 AND ONE OF THE WOMEN SAVING OUR 1156 00:28:55,334 --> 00:28:56,101 SEATS HAD A DRESS FULL OF 1157 00:28:56,101 --> 00:28:59,104 GLITTER. 1158 00:28:59,104 --> 00:29:02,274 SO THE SEAT THAT MY WIFE WAS 1159 00:29:02,274 --> 00:29:03,242 SUPPOSED TO SIT IN ‐‐ FULL OF 1160 00:29:03,242 --> 00:29:05,110 GLITTER. 1161 00:29:05,110 --> 00:29:06,245 JUST FULL OF GLITTER. 1162 00:29:06,245 --> 00:29:07,879 SO WE DON'T WANT HER TO SIT IN 1163 00:29:07,879 --> 00:29:08,680 THE GLITTER. 1164 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:09,014 >> Jimmy: OH. 1165 00:29:09,014 --> 00:29:10,549 >> AND THEY PUT HER IN THE BACK. 1166 00:29:10,549 --> 00:29:12,684 AND I'M WAVING TO HER, LIKE HEY, 1167 00:29:12,684 --> 00:29:13,885 HOW YOU DOING? 1168 00:29:13,885 --> 00:29:15,621 I CAN SEE YOU, HEY! 1169 00:29:15,621 --> 00:29:16,955 WE END UP TRYING TO GET HER A 1170 00:29:16,955 --> 00:29:17,556 TOWEL. 1171 00:29:17,556 --> 00:29:18,490 THEY COME OUT WITH A WHITE TOWEL 1172 00:29:18,490 --> 00:29:18,857 FOR A RED SEAT. 1173 00:29:18,857 --> 00:29:21,860 >> Jimmy: WOW. 1174 00:29:21,860 --> 00:29:23,128 WOW, WHAT A MESS. 1175 00:29:23,128 --> 00:29:24,529 THIS IS WHY I ALWAYS CARRY A 1176 00:29:24,529 --> 00:29:28,233 FANNY PACK AND A SHOP VAC. 1177 00:29:28,233 --> 00:29:28,533 [ LAUGHTER ] 1178 00:29:28,533 --> 00:29:29,901 >> GOT IT. 1179 00:29:29,901 --> 00:29:31,903 >> Jimmy: FANNY PACK FOR THE 1180 00:29:31,903 --> 00:29:33,005 TICKETS, SHOP VAC IN CASE 1181 00:29:33,005 --> 00:29:35,941 GLITTER GETS ANYWHERE, I SUCK IT 1182 00:29:35,941 --> 00:29:37,142 RIGHT UP, NO PROBLEM AT ALL. 1183 00:29:37,142 --> 00:29:37,776 SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT FOR THE 1184 00:29:37,776 --> 00:29:38,243 NEXT AWARDS SHOW. 1185 00:29:38,243 --> 00:29:39,478 >> YOU KNOW WHAT, YES, YES. 1186 00:29:39,478 --> 00:29:40,579 >> Jimmy: THEN YOU WON. 1187 00:29:40,579 --> 00:29:43,282 SO IN A WAY MAYBE IT WAS LIKE ‐‐ 1188 00:29:43,282 --> 00:29:45,350 IT WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW, YOU WERE 1189 00:29:45,350 --> 00:29:46,451 SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR 1190 00:29:46,451 --> 00:29:48,287 SOMETHING EXCITING AT THE END. 1191 00:29:48,287 --> 00:29:49,388 >> THAT'S ONE WAY TO THINK ABOUT 1192 00:29:49,388 --> 00:29:50,255 IT. 1193 00:29:50,255 --> 00:29:50,889 FINALLY, BECAUSE I WON, GOT THE 1194 00:29:50,889 --> 00:29:51,156 PICTURES. 1195 00:29:51,156 --> 00:29:53,158 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1196 00:29:53,158 --> 00:29:57,062 >> Jimmy: OH, THAT'S RIGHT. 1197 00:29:57,062 --> 00:29:57,262 YEAH. 1198 00:29:57,262 --> 00:29:58,630 THAT'S A BIG THING. 1199 00:29:58,630 --> 00:29:59,631 I THINK IT'S A WEIRD THING. 1200 00:29:59,631 --> 00:30:00,899 IT'S SUCH A WEIRD THING THAT 1201 00:30:00,899 --> 00:30:02,868 MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT. 1202 00:30:02,868 --> 00:30:03,902 YEAH, YOU CAN WEAR THIS DRESS 1203 00:30:03,902 --> 00:30:05,203 BUT YOU HAVE TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED 1204 00:30:05,203 --> 00:30:05,871 IN IT. 1205 00:30:05,871 --> 00:30:07,472 THEN THEY HAVE TO PUT OUR NAME, 1206 00:30:07,472 --> 00:30:10,042 THE PERSON WHO MADE THE DRESS. 1207 00:30:10,042 --> 00:30:11,076 >> Jimmy: YES, YES. 1208 00:30:11,076 --> 00:30:13,078 >> IT'S SO STRANGE. 1209 00:30:13,078 --> 00:30:14,112 TO BE IN THE POSITION TO 1210 00:30:14,112 --> 00:30:15,447 POSSIBLY NOT DO THAT WAS VERY 1211 00:30:15,447 --> 00:30:15,747 TERRIFYING. 1212 00:30:15,747 --> 00:30:16,515 >> Jimmy: YEAH, RIGHT. 1213 00:30:16,515 --> 00:30:17,816 WHAT WOULD THEY DO TO YOU? 1214 00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:19,384 MAKE YOU PAY FOR IT? 1215 00:30:19,384 --> 00:30:20,585 >> THEY WOULD PROBABLY JUST NOT 1216 00:30:20,585 --> 00:30:22,220 LET ME WEAR CLOTHES EVER AGAIN. 1217 00:30:22,220 --> 00:30:22,521 [ LAUGHTER ] 1218 00:30:22,521 --> 00:30:23,588 >> Jimmy: YOU'D HAVE TO GO 1219 00:30:23,588 --> 00:30:23,822 NAKED. 1220 00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:25,857 >> I WOULDN'T BE INVITED TO ANY 1221 00:30:25,857 --> 00:30:27,826 CARPETS, EMMY OR OTHERWISE. 1222 00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:28,460 BUT I MADE IT. 1223 00:30:28,460 --> 00:30:28,927 >> Jimmy: YOU MADE IT. 1224 00:30:28,927 --> 00:30:31,296 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1225 00:30:31,296 --> 00:30:32,731 THAT WAS A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO. 1226 00:30:32,731 --> 00:30:34,232 I WANT TO SAY CONGRATULATIONS 1227 00:30:34,232 --> 00:30:35,400 BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR WIFE HAVE A 1228 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:35,667 BABY NOW. 1229 00:30:35,667 --> 00:30:40,305 XRP 1230 00:30:40,305 --> 00:30:41,106 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1231 00:30:41,106 --> 00:30:41,907 >> Jimmy: HOW LONG AGO DID YOU 1232 00:30:41,907 --> 00:30:42,708 HAVE THE BABY? 1233 00:30:42,708 --> 00:30:44,209 >> 4 1/2 WEEKS AGO. 1234 00:30:44,209 --> 00:30:45,143 >> Jimmy: 4 1/2 WEEKS. 1235 00:30:45,143 --> 00:30:50,315 YOU'VE GOT A LOT GOING ON IN 1236 00:30:50,315 --> 00:30:50,615 YOUR HOUSE. 1237 00:30:50,615 --> 00:30:50,849 >> YES. 1238 00:30:50,849 --> 00:30:51,149 [ APPLAUSE ] 1239 00:30:51,149 --> 00:30:51,750 >> Jimmy: YOU POSTED ON 1240 00:30:51,750 --> 00:30:53,318 INSTAGRAM, MARCH 6th, YOU WROTE, 1241 00:30:53,318 --> 00:30:55,987 I HAVE A SECRET. 1242 00:30:55,987 --> 00:30:56,254 >> UH‐HUH. 1243 00:30:56,254 --> 00:30:57,356 >> Jimmy: WAS THE BABY THE 1244 00:30:57,356 --> 00:30:57,589 SECRET? 1245 00:30:57,589 --> 00:31:01,360 >> SEE ‐‐ JIMMY, THE BABY WAS 1246 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:02,894 NOT THE SECRET. 1247 00:31:02,894 --> 00:31:04,563 >> Jimmy: THE BABY WAS NOT THE 1248 00:31:04,563 --> 00:31:04,796 SECRET. 1249 00:31:04,796 --> 00:31:05,731 >> THIS IS A WINDOW INTO WHO I 1250 00:31:05,731 --> 00:31:06,665 AM AS A PERSON. 1251 00:31:06,665 --> 00:31:08,066 I HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THE 1252 00:31:08,066 --> 00:31:10,736 BABY WHEN I POSTED THE SECRET. 1253 00:31:10,736 --> 00:31:12,904 IT WAS ABOUT "THE HANDMAID'S 1254 00:31:12,904 --> 00:31:13,338 TALE." 1255 00:31:13,338 --> 00:31:13,638 [ LAUGHTER ] 1256 00:31:13,638 --> 00:31:14,840 BECAUSE IT WAS COMING OUT SOON. 1257 00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:15,807 AND I WAS REALLY EXCITED ABOUT 1258 00:31:15,807 --> 00:31:16,308 THE SEASON. 1259 00:31:16,308 --> 00:31:17,476 I POSTED IT. 1260 00:31:17,476 --> 00:31:20,178 AND THEN MY WIFE SAW IT. 1261 00:31:20,178 --> 00:31:21,646 SHE WAS LIKE, I THOUGHT WE 1262 00:31:21,646 --> 00:31:23,715 DECIDED THAT WE WEREN'T GOING TO 1263 00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:24,282 POST ABOUT THE BABY. 1264 00:31:24,282 --> 00:31:25,384 I'M LIKE, WHAT? 1265 00:31:25,384 --> 00:31:27,085 SHE'S LIKE, YOU POSTED ABOUT THE 1266 00:31:27,085 --> 00:31:27,819 BABY. 1267 00:31:27,819 --> 00:31:29,154 NO, I DIDN'T POST ABOUT THE 1268 00:31:29,154 --> 00:31:29,354 BABY! 1269 00:31:29,354 --> 00:31:31,823 SO I HAD TO GO AND DO DAMAGE 1270 00:31:31,823 --> 00:31:32,057 CONTROL. 1271 00:31:32,057 --> 00:31:33,658 I'M GOING THROUGH MY EMAILS. 1272 00:31:33,658 --> 00:31:35,494 I THINK THEY SENT ME A VIDEO OF 1273 00:31:35,494 --> 00:31:37,829 "THE HANDMAID'S TALE," WE'VE GOT 1274 00:31:37,829 --> 00:31:39,131 TO POST THAT RIGHT IMMEDIATELY 1275 00:31:39,131 --> 00:31:39,331 AFTER. 1276 00:31:39,331 --> 00:31:42,934 FOUND IT, POSTED IT. 1277 00:31:42,934 --> 00:31:44,603 EVERY SINGLE COMMENT WAS ABOUT, 1278 00:31:44,603 --> 00:31:46,204 WE WAS GOING TO HAVE A BABY. 1279 00:31:46,204 --> 00:31:46,905 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 1280 00:31:46,905 --> 00:31:48,240 THEN ‐‐ YEAH, YOU DID. 1281 00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:49,508 AND THEN YOU DID HAVE A BABY, 1282 00:31:49,508 --> 00:31:50,842 BUT IN A WAY, YOU DELIVERED. 1283 00:31:50,842 --> 00:31:51,143 [ LAUGHTER ] 1284 00:31:51,143 --> 00:31:54,980 LOOK AT IT THAT WAY. 1285 00:31:54,980 --> 00:31:56,148 IT WASN'T JUST PROMOTIONAL, YOU 1286 00:31:56,148 --> 00:31:59,918 REALLY DID HAVE A SECRET. 1287 00:31:59,918 --> 00:32:01,052 YOUR BABY ‐‐ DAUGHTER, RIGHT? 1288 00:32:01,052 --> 00:32:01,453 >> YES. 1289 00:32:01,453 --> 00:32:02,621 >> Jimmy: YOU NAMED HER GEORGE? 1290 00:32:02,621 --> 00:32:04,089 >> THAT IS HER NAME, YES. 1291 00:32:04,089 --> 00:32:05,190 >> Jimmy: GEORGE IS HER NAME. 1292 00:32:05,190 --> 00:32:06,425 WHY GEORGE FOR A GIRL? 1293 00:32:06,425 --> 00:32:08,593 >> PEOPLE ARE VERY CONFUSED. 1294 00:32:08,593 --> 00:32:08,994 SOME PEOPLE. 1295 00:32:08,994 --> 00:32:09,327 BY IT. 1296 00:32:09,327 --> 00:32:10,529 >> Jimmy: I LIKE WHEN A GIRL 1297 00:32:10,529 --> 00:32:12,297 HAS ‐‐ I WAS EXPLAINING TO MY 1298 00:32:12,297 --> 00:32:13,732 SON, BILLY, LAST NIGHT THAT 1299 00:32:13,732 --> 00:32:17,102 SOMETIMES GIRLS ARE ALSO NAMED 1300 00:32:17,102 --> 00:32:19,404 BILLY, USING BILLIE EILISH AS AN 1301 00:32:19,404 --> 00:32:19,638 EXAMPLE. 1302 00:32:19,638 --> 00:32:20,539 HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS 1303 00:32:20,539 --> 00:32:21,072 TALKING ABOUT. 1304 00:32:21,072 --> 00:32:21,440 [ LAUGHTER ] 1305 00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:22,140 >> REALLY? 1306 00:32:22,140 --> 00:32:23,375 WE'VE GOT TO TEACH THE NEW 1307 00:32:23,375 --> 00:32:25,710 GENERATION ABOUT THIS. 1308 00:32:25,710 --> 00:32:26,945 BECAUSE I REALLY WISH THAT I HAD 1309 00:32:26,945 --> 00:32:28,680 SOME REALLY IN‐DEPTH STORY TO 1310 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:29,848 TELL PEOPLE ABOUT GEORGE, 1311 00:32:29,848 --> 00:32:30,682 BECAUSE I KNOW THAT'S WHAT 1312 00:32:30,682 --> 00:32:31,116 PEOPLE WANT. 1313 00:32:31,116 --> 00:32:32,284 YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE THE PEOPLE 1314 00:32:32,284 --> 00:32:32,684 WHAT THEY WANT. 1315 00:32:32,684 --> 00:32:33,118 >> Jimmy: RIGHT. 1316 00:32:33,118 --> 00:32:35,821 >> I REALLY LIKE THE NAME. 1317 00:32:35,821 --> 00:32:37,756 I THINK IT'S REALLY CUTE, YEAH. 1318 00:32:37,756 --> 00:32:39,124 I MEAN, I TRIED TO DO SOME 1319 00:32:39,124 --> 00:32:39,424 RESEARCH. 1320 00:32:39,424 --> 00:32:41,793 IN THE 1800s, IT WAS A GIRL'S 1321 00:32:41,793 --> 00:32:42,427 NAME, BUT PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE 1322 00:32:42,427 --> 00:32:44,362 ME WHEN I SAY THAT. 1323 00:32:44,362 --> 00:32:44,763 YOU KNOW. 1324 00:32:44,763 --> 00:32:46,398 >> Jimmy: YEAH, WELL NOW ‐‐ 1325 00:32:46,398 --> 00:32:48,066 THERE ARE GIRLS NAMED GEORGE. 1326 00:32:48,066 --> 00:32:50,702 I'VE HEARD OF GIRLS NAMED 1327 00:32:50,702 --> 00:32:50,936 GEORGE. 1328 00:32:50,936 --> 00:32:52,471 >> NANCY DREW, HER BEST FRIEND'S 1329 00:32:52,471 --> 00:32:53,205 NAME WAS GEORGE. 1330 00:32:53,205 --> 00:32:54,673 YOU READ THAT? 1331 00:32:54,673 --> 00:32:55,073 >> Jimmy: NO. 1332 00:32:55,073 --> 00:32:57,042 >> ME NEITHER. 1333 00:32:57,042 --> 00:32:57,342 [ LAUGHTER ] 1334 00:32:57,342 --> 00:32:57,909 SOMEBODY TOLD ME. 1335 00:32:57,909 --> 00:32:59,144 >> Jimmy: NEVER READ IT, I WAS 1336 00:32:59,144 --> 00:33:00,846 MORE "THE HARDY BOYS." 1337 00:33:00,846 --> 00:33:01,947 >> I JUST DON'T READ BOOKS. 1338 00:33:01,947 --> 00:33:04,149 >> Jimmy: THE BIG SURPRISE 1339 00:33:04,149 --> 00:33:05,317 ANYWAY TURNED OUT TO BE LAST 1340 00:33:05,317 --> 00:33:05,584 NIGHT. 1341 00:33:05,584 --> 00:33:06,651 THAT WAS REALLY THE BIG 1342 00:33:06,651 --> 00:33:06,918 SURPRISE. 1343 00:33:06,918 --> 00:33:07,219 >> YEAH. 1344 00:33:07,219 --> 00:33:08,820 >> Jimmy: THE BIG SECRET, 1345 00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:09,120 RATHER. 1346 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:10,422 >> YES, BIG CLIFFHANGER. 1347 00:33:10,422 --> 00:33:11,122 >> Jimmy: I DON'T WANT TO RUIN 1348 00:33:11,122 --> 00:33:12,257 FOR ANYBODY WHO HASN'T WATCHED 1349 00:33:12,257 --> 00:33:13,492 THE SHOW YET, SO I'M NOT GOING 1350 00:33:13,492 --> 00:33:15,460 TO TALK ABOUT WHAT IT WAS. 1351 00:33:15,460 --> 00:33:16,995 BUT WHAT I DO THINK IS 1352 00:33:16,995 --> 00:33:18,897 INTERESTING IS THAT IT'S A 1353 00:33:18,897 --> 00:33:19,231 CLIFFHANGER. 1354 00:33:19,231 --> 00:33:19,498 >> YES. 1355 00:33:19,498 --> 00:33:20,632 >> Jimmy: WE HAVE TO WAIT A WEEK 1356 00:33:20,632 --> 00:33:22,467 TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WEEK. 1357 00:33:22,467 --> 00:33:23,201 THAT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS 1358 00:33:23,201 --> 00:33:23,468 ANYMORE. 1359 00:33:23,468 --> 00:33:24,169 >> RIGHT. 1360 00:33:24,169 --> 00:33:25,303 >> Jimmy: WE DON'T HAVE CLIFFS 1361 00:33:25,303 --> 00:33:25,570 ANYMORE. 1362 00:33:25,570 --> 00:33:29,107 >> I KNOW. 1363 00:33:29,107 --> 00:33:29,741 HONESTLY, BECAUSE EVERYONE BINGE 1364 00:33:29,741 --> 00:33:30,108 WATCHES, RIGHT? 1365 00:33:30,108 --> 00:33:30,509 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 1366 00:33:30,509 --> 00:33:31,710 >> I HONESTLY THINK THAT THIS IS 1367 00:33:31,710 --> 00:33:34,246 THE BEST SHOW TO NOT BINGE 1368 00:33:34,246 --> 00:33:34,446 WATCH. 1369 00:33:34,446 --> 00:33:35,814 >> Jimmy: I AGREE WITH YOU. 1370 00:33:35,814 --> 00:33:38,683 >> I MEAN, IT'S REALLY MASOCHISM 1371 00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:42,787 IF YOU SIT THERE AND BINGE WATCH 1372 00:33:42,787 --> 00:33:43,588 "THE HANDMAID'S TALE." 1373 00:33:43,588 --> 00:33:44,689 THE THINGS THAT YOU HAVE TO 1374 00:33:44,689 --> 00:33:46,625 EXPERIENCE AND GO THROUGH. 1375 00:33:46,625 --> 00:33:49,027 I'M LIKE, SIT DOWN, DRAW 1376 00:33:49,027 --> 00:33:50,395 YOURSELF A BATH, THINK ABOUT IT. 1377 00:33:50,395 --> 00:33:52,230 MAYBE GO TALK TO SOMEBODY FOR A 1378 00:33:52,230 --> 00:33:53,064 WEEK. 1379 00:33:53,064 --> 00:33:53,999 AND JUST WAIT. 1380 00:33:53,999 --> 00:33:54,733 OKAY? 1381 00:33:54,733 --> 00:33:55,734 >> Jimmy: DIGEST, DIGEST. 1382 00:33:55,734 --> 00:33:57,502 >> WE FORCE THAT ON YOU. 1383 00:33:57,502 --> 00:33:58,303 THE WAITING. 1384 00:33:58,303 --> 00:33:58,570 YOU KNOW? 1385 00:33:58,570 --> 00:33:59,905 >> Jimmy: YEAH, WHAT IF WE ATE 1386 00:33:59,905 --> 00:34:02,374 ALL OUR MEALS FOR THE WEEK ON 1387 00:34:02,374 --> 00:34:02,607 SUNDAY? 1388 00:34:02,607 --> 00:34:03,508 >> CRAZY. 1389 00:34:03,508 --> 00:34:03,808 [ LAUGHTER ] 1390 00:34:03,808 --> 00:34:04,976 >> Jimmy: YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT. 1391 00:34:04,976 --> 00:34:05,977 >> I'D BE REALLY FULL. 1392 00:34:05,977 --> 00:34:07,445 >> Jimmy: YEAH, RIGHT. 1393 00:34:07,445 --> 00:34:08,213 SO WE HAVE A CLIP HERE FOR NEXT 1394 00:34:08,213 --> 00:34:11,016 WEEK'S SHOW. 1395 00:34:11,016 --> 00:34:13,618 IF YOU'RE A BIG FAN, YOU HAVEN'T 1396 00:34:13,618 --> 00:34:15,387 SEEN THE SHOW, CLOSE YOUR EYES 1397 00:34:15,387 --> 00:34:17,188 FOR EXACTLY 19 SECOND IS. 1398 00:34:17,188 --> 00:34:18,990 THIS IS AN EXCLUSIVE, THIS IS A 1399 00:34:18,990 --> 00:34:20,091 BIG EXCLUSIVE, EVEN BIGGER THAN 1400 00:34:20,091 --> 00:34:20,358 THE BABY. 1401 00:34:20,358 --> 00:34:22,794 [ LAUGHTER ] 1402 00:34:22,794 --> 00:34:25,163 THIS IS FROM NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE 1403 00:34:25,163 --> 00:34:25,864 OF "THE HANDMAID'S TALE." 1404 00:34:25,864 --> 00:34:28,466 >> WE'RE NOT GOING TO FIND 1405 00:34:28,466 --> 00:34:29,067 JANINE, SHE'S PROBABLY DEAD. 1406 00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:29,701 IF YOU STAY HERE, YOU'RE GOING 1407 00:34:29,701 --> 00:34:33,538 TO DIE TOO. 1408 00:34:33,538 --> 00:34:34,105 JUNE! 1409 00:34:34,105 --> 00:34:35,173 BOAT! 1410 00:34:35,173 --> 00:34:35,507 NOW! 1411 00:34:35,507 --> 00:34:37,075 >> WAIT NO NO! 1412 00:34:37,075 --> 00:34:38,410 >> NO, DON'T MAKE ME LEAVE YOU 1413 00:34:38,410 --> 00:34:38,610 AGAIN! 1414 00:34:38,610 --> 00:34:40,512 PLEASE. 1415 00:34:40,512 --> 00:34:44,282 YOU'VE GOT TO GO COME WITH ME. 1416 00:34:44,282 --> 00:34:46,518 YOU'VE GOT TO COME BACK. 1417 00:34:46,518 --> 00:34:47,018 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1418 00:34:47,018 --> 00:34:48,720 >> Jimmy: SEE? 1419 00:34:48,720 --> 00:34:50,021 WE COULD HAVE HANDLED THAT ALL 1420 00:34:50,021 --> 00:34:50,655 IN ONE. 1421 00:34:50,655 --> 00:34:51,556 SPACE THAT SORT OF THING OUT. 1422 00:34:51,556 --> 00:34:52,958 IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU. 1423 00:34:52,958 --> 00:34:54,993 CONGRATULATIONS ON THE LIL ONE. 1424 00:34:54,993 --> 00:34:57,028 "THE HANDMAID'S TALE." 1425 00:34:57,028 --> 00:34:58,330 NEW EPISODES ON HULU EVERY 1426 00:34:58,330 --> 00:34:59,531 WEDNESDAY. 1427 00:34:59,531 --> 00:35:00,632 SAMIRA WILEY, EVERYBODY! 1428 00:35:00,632 --> 00:35:02,434 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1429 00:35:02,434 --> 00:35:04,402 THANK YOU, SAMIRA. 1430 00:35:04,402 --> 00:35:04,803 BE BACK WITH MORRAY! 1431 00:35:10,642 --> 00:35:14,779 >>> HIS DEBUT ALBUM IS CALLED 1432 00:35:14,779 --> 00:35:15,780 "STREET SERMONS" WITH THE SONGS 1433 00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:16,414 "QUICKSAND" AND "CAN'T USE ME." 1434 00:35:16,414 --> 00:35:19,117 MORRAY! 1435 00:35:21,052 --> 00:35:21,219 ♪ 1436 00:35:21,219 --> 00:35:24,756 ♪ 1437 00:35:24,756 --> 00:35:28,526 ♪ HMM YEAH 1438 00:35:28,526 --> 00:35:31,229 HMM YEAH 1439 00:35:31,229 --> 00:35:32,897 HMM YEAH YEAH ♪ 1440 00:35:32,897 --> 00:35:33,898 ♪ SINCE A JIT STOOD TALL 1441 00:35:33,898 --> 00:35:35,200 WITH A KICKSTAND ♪ 1442 00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:35,667 ♪ THINKING OF A PLAN 1443 00:35:35,667 --> 00:35:36,701 TO GET QUICK BANDS ♪ 1444 00:35:36,701 --> 00:35:39,170 ♪ FALLING IN DEEP 1445 00:35:39,170 --> 00:35:45,276 WITH THE QUICKS ♪ 1446 00:35:45,276 --> 00:35:45,677 ♪ AND FLAG OUT MY 1447 00:35:45,677 --> 00:35:46,444 NO QUICK BRAND ♪ 1448 00:35:46,444 --> 00:35:47,212 ♪ I WAS PACKING 1449 00:35:47,212 --> 00:35:47,679 ON THE POUNDS 1450 00:35:47,679 --> 00:35:48,480 GOT MY WEIGHT UP ♪ 1451 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:49,014 ♪ HAD BEEF ON THE STREETS 1452 00:35:49,014 --> 00:35:50,482 HAD TO STAY UP ♪ 1453 00:35:50,482 --> 00:35:51,182 ♪ BETTY CROCKER SHOWED ME 1454 00:35:51,182 --> 00:35:51,716 HOW TO BAKE A CAKE BRAH ♪ 1455 00:35:51,716 --> 00:35:52,283 ♪ DOING THAT PUT EVERYTHING 1456 00:35:52,283 --> 00:35:52,784 I LOVE AT STAKE BRAH ♪ 1457 00:35:52,784 --> 00:35:53,718 ♪ SINCE A JIT STOOD TALL 1458 00:35:53,718 --> 00:35:54,152 WITH A KICKSTAND ♪ 1459 00:35:54,152 --> 00:35:54,953 ♪ THINKING OF A PLAN 1460 00:35:54,953 --> 00:35:55,420 TO GET QUICK BANDS ♪ 1461 00:35:55,420 --> 00:35:55,820 ♪ FALLING IN DEEP 1462 00:35:55,820 --> 00:35:57,756 WITH THE QUICKS ♪ 1463 00:35:57,756 --> 00:35:58,523 ♪ AND FLAG OUT MY 1464 00:35:58,523 --> 00:35:59,257 NO QUICK BRAND ♪ 1465 00:35:59,257 --> 00:35:59,958 ♪ I WAS PACKING ON THE POUNDS 1466 00:35:59,958 --> 00:36:00,759 GOT MY WEIGHT UP ♪ 1467 00:36:00,759 --> 00:36:01,292 ♪ HAD BEEF ON THE STREETS 1468 00:36:01,292 --> 00:36:02,027 HAD TO STAY UP ♪ 1469 00:36:02,027 --> 00:36:03,261 ♪ BETTY CROCKER SHOWED ME 1470 00:36:03,261 --> 00:36:04,562 HOW TO BAKE A CAKE BRAH ♪ 1471 00:36:04,562 --> 00:36:05,764 ♪ DOING THAT PUT EVERYTHING 1472 00:36:05,764 --> 00:36:06,498 I LOVE AT STAKE BRAH ♪ 1473 00:36:06,498 --> 00:36:08,166 ♪ BACK IN THE DAY MAN 1474 00:36:08,166 --> 00:36:08,667 A DUDE HAD RIP JEANS ♪ 1475 00:36:08,667 --> 00:36:09,234 ♪ COULDN'T AFFORD A NEW PAIR 1476 00:36:09,234 --> 00:36:10,402 I HAD BROKE SEAMS ♪ 1477 00:36:10,402 --> 00:36:10,802 ♪ COULDN'T THINK 1478 00:36:10,802 --> 00:36:11,403 ABOUT THE MONEY 1479 00:36:11,403 --> 00:36:12,637 I HAD BROKE DREAMS ♪ 1480 00:36:12,637 --> 00:36:15,206 ♪ OUTFIT WAS THE MATCH 1481 00:36:15,206 --> 00:36:15,674 OF A ‐‐ FIEND 1482 00:36:15,674 --> 00:36:16,474 I WAS TRYNA BE FLY ♪ 1483 00:36:16,474 --> 00:36:17,208 ♪ COULDN'T TAKE OFF CLOTHES 1484 00:36:17,208 --> 00:36:17,976 FALLING OFF MY BACK 1485 00:36:17,976 --> 00:36:18,410 LOST WEIGHT DOG ♪ 1486 00:36:18,410 --> 00:36:20,412 ♪ NO JACKET IN THE WINTER 1487 00:36:20,412 --> 00:36:20,879 HAD THE SHAKES DOG ♪ 1488 00:36:20,879 --> 00:36:21,379 ♪ THEN I SAID SCREW IT 1489 00:36:21,379 --> 00:36:21,846 'CAUSE SOMETHING GONE 1490 00:36:21,846 --> 00:36:22,380 HAVE TO SHAKE DOG ♪ 1491 00:36:22,380 --> 00:36:23,181 ♪ THEN MY MAN BOBBY 1492 00:36:23,181 --> 00:36:24,649 PUT ME ON A QUICK LICK ♪ 1493 00:36:24,649 --> 00:36:25,016 ♪ WASN'T A LOT 1494 00:36:25,016 --> 00:36:25,917 BUT ENOUGH FOR A ♪ 1495 00:36:25,917 --> 00:36:26,685 ♪ QUICK FIX INTERCEPTIONS 1496 00:36:26,685 --> 00:36:27,085 I WAS STEALING ♪ 1497 00:36:27,085 --> 00:36:31,222 ♪ CAUGHT ME A PICK SIX 1498 00:36:31,222 --> 00:36:31,556 IN THE SNOW ♪ 1499 00:36:31,556 --> 00:36:32,123 ♪ WOE, MAN IT WAS BRICK 1500 00:36:32,123 --> 00:36:32,557 DUDE NEVER KILLED 1501 00:36:32,557 --> 00:36:33,091 AIN'T GONE LIE ♪ 1502 00:36:33,091 --> 00:36:33,858 ♪ I WAS TEMPTED 1503 00:36:33,858 --> 00:36:34,359 HE WAS THE TARGET ♪ 1504 00:36:34,359 --> 00:36:34,859 ♪ BUT HE LUCKY THAT 1505 00:36:34,859 --> 00:36:35,560 I MISSED IT ♪ 1506 00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:36,094 ♪ I WAS ALWAYS MESSING UP 1507 00:36:36,094 --> 00:36:36,895 WAS A MISFIT ♪ 1508 00:36:36,895 --> 00:36:37,662 ♪ MY OPPORTUNITY WAS 1509 00:36:37,662 --> 00:36:38,596 KNOCKING AND I MISSED IT ♪ 1510 00:36:38,596 --> 00:36:39,230 ♪ YOUNG WHEN I HOPPED 1511 00:36:39,230 --> 00:36:39,597 OFF THE STOOP ♪ 1512 00:36:39,597 --> 00:36:40,365 ♪ TWO DOORS WHAT I FLOOR 1513 00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:41,933 IF I HOP IN THE COUPE ♪ 1514 00:36:41,933 --> 00:36:42,400 ♪ TOO SORE FROM A WAR 1515 00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:43,268 WHERE I COULDN'T LOSE ♪ 1516 00:36:43,268 --> 00:36:46,538 ♪ GOT SCARS AND BRUISES 1517 00:36:46,538 --> 00:36:47,238 MAN I GOT THE PROOF ♪ 1518 00:36:47,238 --> 00:36:48,339 ♪ RESEMBLE YOUNG STEELE 1519 00:36:48,339 --> 00:36:48,840 CAUSE I GOT THE JUICE ♪ 1520 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:49,307 ♪ YOU THINK YOU TUPAC 1521 00:36:49,307 --> 00:36:49,774 LET OMAR EPPS LOOSE ♪ 1522 00:36:49,774 --> 00:36:50,308 ♪ STEPPING ON NECKS 1523 00:36:50,308 --> 00:36:50,875 WITH MY TIMBERLAND BOOTS ♪ 1524 00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:51,409 ♪ I'M PLANTED 1525 00:36:51,409 --> 00:36:52,544 I'M STABLE 1526 00:36:52,544 --> 00:36:54,846 I'M GROWING IN ROOTS ♪ 1527 00:36:54,846 --> 00:36:55,380 ♪ SINCE A JIT STOOD TALL 1528 00:36:55,380 --> 00:36:55,814 WITH A KICKSTAND ♪ 1529 00:36:55,814 --> 00:36:56,281 ♪ THINKING OF A PLAN 1530 00:36:56,281 --> 00:36:56,881 TO GET QUICK BANDS ♪ 1531 00:36:56,881 --> 00:36:57,382 ♪ FALLING IN DEEP 1532 00:36:57,382 --> 00:36:58,183 WITH THE QUICKS ♪ 1533 00:36:58,183 --> 00:36:58,817 ♪ AND FLAG OUT MY BUTT 1534 00:36:58,817 --> 00:37:00,351 NO QUICK BRAND ♪ 1535 00:37:00,351 --> 00:37:01,152 ♪ I WAS PACKING ON THE POUNDS 1536 00:37:01,152 --> 00:37:01,820 GOT MY WEIGHT UP ♪ 1537 00:37:01,820 --> 00:37:02,353 ♪ HAD BEEF ON THE STREETS 1538 00:37:02,353 --> 00:37:04,556 HAD TO STAY UP ♪ 1539 00:37:04,556 --> 00:37:05,090 ♪ BETTY CROCKER SHOWED ME 1540 00:37:05,090 --> 00:37:09,594 HOW TO BAKE A CAKE BRAH ♪ 1541 00:37:09,594 --> 00:37:10,161 ♪ DOING THAT PUT EVERYTHING 1542 00:37:10,161 --> 00:37:10,862 I LOVE AT STAKE BRAH ♪ 1543 00:37:10,862 --> 00:37:12,163 ♪ SINCE A JIT STOOD TALL 1544 00:37:12,163 --> 00:37:12,597 WITH A KICKSTAND ♪ 1545 00:37:12,597 --> 00:37:13,064 ♪ THINKING OF A PLAN 1546 00:37:13,064 --> 00:37:13,531 TO GET QUICK BANDS ♪ 1547 00:37:13,531 --> 00:37:15,233 ♪ FALLING IN DEEP 1548 00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:16,034 WITH THE QUICKS ♪ 1549 00:37:16,034 --> 00:37:16,534 ♪ AND FLAG OUT MY 1550 00:37:16,534 --> 00:37:17,836 NO QUICK BRAND ♪ 1551 00:37:17,836 --> 00:37:18,436 ♪ I WAS PACKING ON THE POUNDS 1552 00:37:18,436 --> 00:37:18,870 GOT MY WEIGHT UP ♪ 1553 00:37:18,870 --> 00:37:19,404 ♪ HAD BEEF ON THE STREETS 1554 00:37:19,404 --> 00:37:20,038 HAD TO STAY UP ♪ 1555 00:37:20,038 --> 00:37:20,772 ♪ BETTY CROCKER SHOWED ME 1556 00:37:20,772 --> 00:37:22,507 HOW TO BAKE A CAKE BRAH ♪ 1557 00:37:22,507 --> 00:37:27,212 ♪ DOING THAT PUT EVERYTHING 1558 00:37:27,212 --> 00:37:28,513 I LOVE AT STAKE BRAH ♪ 1559 00:37:28,513 --> 00:37:28,947 ♪ 1560 00:37:28,947 --> 00:37:29,748 ♪ IT'S CRAZY HOW THE MONEY 1561 00:37:29,748 --> 00:37:31,182 MAKES THE LIES 1562 00:37:31,182 --> 00:37:32,150 FEEL LIKE THE TRUTH ♪ 1563 00:37:32,150 --> 00:37:32,617 ♪ AND EVERYBODY PHONY 1564 00:37:32,617 --> 00:37:33,017 YOU JUST DO NOT 1565 00:37:33,017 --> 00:37:34,686 HAVE THE PROOF ♪ 1566 00:37:34,686 --> 00:37:40,358 ♪ I JOT IT ON MY PAD 1567 00:37:40,358 --> 00:37:40,925 AND RECORD IT IN A BOOTH ♪ 1568 00:37:40,925 --> 00:37:41,426 ♪ I DON'T NEED A SHRINK 1569 00:37:41,426 --> 00:37:41,826 JUST PRESS RECORD 1570 00:37:41,826 --> 00:37:42,494 AND LET ME LOOSE ♪ 1571 00:37:42,494 --> 00:37:43,328 ♪ I'M TRYNA SEPARATE 1572 00:37:43,328 --> 00:37:43,995 ALL THESE EMOTIONS 1573 00:37:43,995 --> 00:37:44,796 THAT I'M GUARDED WITH ♪ 1574 00:37:44,796 --> 00:37:45,764 ♪ I'M GETTING MIXED EMOTIONS 1575 00:37:45,764 --> 00:37:46,464 FROM THE PEOPLE 1576 00:37:46,464 --> 00:37:47,465 THAT I STARTED WITH ♪ 1577 00:37:47,465 --> 00:37:49,200 ♪ FEELING LIKE 1578 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:49,534 IT'S FAKE LOVE 1579 00:37:49,534 --> 00:37:50,101 ONLY FOR THE SPONSORSHIPS ♪ 1580 00:37:50,101 --> 00:37:50,668 ♪ SCRATCH EM OFF 1581 00:37:50,668 --> 00:37:52,170 THE DEAN'S LIST ♪ 1582 00:37:52,170 --> 00:37:52,504 ♪ CANCEL ALL 1583 00:37:52,504 --> 00:37:54,239 THE SCHOLARSHIPS ♪ 1584 00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:54,939 ♪ I CAN'T LET YOU USE ME 1585 00:37:54,939 --> 00:37:57,242 FLATTERY DON'T MOVE ME ♪ 1586 00:37:57,242 --> 00:37:57,575 ♪ SAY ACTION 1587 00:37:57,575 --> 00:37:58,543 THEY CAPPING 1588 00:37:58,543 --> 00:37:59,677 LIKE ACTING IN MOVIES ♪ 1589 00:37:59,677 --> 00:38:01,679 ♪ FAKE STUFF 1590 00:38:01,679 --> 00:38:01,946 I HATE IT 1591 00:38:01,946 --> 00:38:02,680 ‘CAUSE I GIVE THE TRUE ME ♪ 1592 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,516 ♪ IT'S SAD WHEN 1593 00:38:04,516 --> 00:38:05,016 THERE GROWN MEN 1594 00:38:05,016 --> 00:38:06,518 WHO ACT LIKE THE GROUPIES ♪ 1595 00:38:06,518 --> 00:38:07,218 ♪ I CAN FEEL 1596 00:38:07,218 --> 00:38:09,053 THESE DUDES HATING ♪ 1597 00:38:09,053 --> 00:38:09,721 ♪ TUMMY ACHE 1598 00:38:09,721 --> 00:38:10,221 BECAUSE THEY SNAKING ♪ 1599 00:38:10,221 --> 00:38:11,256 ♪ CRAWLING ON THE BELLY 1600 00:38:11,256 --> 00:38:12,290 UNDERCUT FOR INFORMATION ♪ 1601 00:38:12,290 --> 00:38:12,957 ♪ MAN THESE DUDES 1602 00:38:12,957 --> 00:38:15,260 SUPER DIFFERENT ♪ 1603 00:38:15,260 --> 00:38:15,693 ♪ THEY GON' MAKE ME 1604 00:38:15,693 --> 00:38:16,561 COME AND SHAKE EM ♪ 1605 00:38:16,561 --> 00:38:19,564 ♪ KICK EM OFF THE COURT 1606 00:38:19,564 --> 00:38:20,498 AND CALL THE SIXTH MAN 1607 00:38:20,498 --> 00:38:22,467 TO REPLACE 'EM ♪ 1608 00:38:22,467 --> 00:38:23,201 ♪ I'M A MOTHER 1609 00:38:23,201 --> 00:38:24,803 ♪ I'M A HONEST TO GOD BULLY 1610 00:38:24,803 --> 00:38:25,403 LIKE A KILLER BUT ADJACENT ♪ 1611 00:38:25,403 --> 00:38:25,937 ♪ ‘CAUSE I DON'T GOTTA 1612 00:38:25,937 --> 00:38:26,404 SHOOT YOU TO SHOW YOU 1613 00:38:26,404 --> 00:38:26,838 I AIN'T PLAYING ♪ 1614 00:38:26,838 --> 00:38:27,572 ♪ GOT THE BIG DEVIL HORNS 1615 00:38:27,572 --> 00:38:28,306 LOVE THE LORD 1616 00:38:28,306 --> 00:38:29,307 BUT CAN BE SATAN ♪ 1617 00:38:29,307 --> 00:38:30,041 ♪ LEAVE A MAN STANKING 1618 00:38:30,041 --> 00:38:33,578 THEN FEBREZE THE SITUATION ♪ 1619 00:38:33,578 --> 00:38:34,145 ♪ IT'S CRAZY HOW THE MONEY 1620 00:38:34,145 --> 00:38:34,479 MAKES THE LIES 1621 00:38:34,479 --> 00:38:35,213 FEEL LIKE THE TRUTH ♪ 1622 00:38:35,213 --> 00:38:35,847 ♪ AND EVERYBODY PHONY 1623 00:38:35,847 --> 00:38:36,514 YOU JUST DO NOT 1624 00:38:36,514 --> 00:38:38,082 HAVE THE PROOF ♪ 1625 00:38:38,082 --> 00:38:39,317 ♪ I JOT IT ON MY PAD 1626 00:38:39,317 --> 00:38:40,685 AND RECORD IT IN BOOTH ♪ 1627 00:38:40,685 --> 00:38:42,120 ♪ I DON'T NEED A SHRINK 1628 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:43,354 JUST PRESS RECORD 1629 00:38:43,354 --> 00:38:44,389 AND LET ME LOOSE ♪ 1630 00:38:44,389 --> 00:38:45,890 ♪ I'M TRYNA SEPARATE 1631 00:38:45,890 --> 00:38:47,292 ALL THESE EMOTIONS 1632 00:38:47,292 --> 00:38:47,792 THAT I'M GUARDED WITH ♪ 1633 00:38:47,792 --> 00:38:48,927 ♪ I'M GETTING MIXED EMOTIONS 1634 00:38:48,927 --> 00:38:50,161 FROM THE PEOPLE 1635 00:38:50,161 --> 00:38:50,862 THAT I STARTED WITH ♪ 1636 00:38:50,862 --> 00:38:51,229 ♪ FEELING LIKE 1637 00:38:51,229 --> 00:38:51,863 IT'S FAKE LOVE 1638 00:38:51,863 --> 00:38:53,598 ONLY FOR THE SPONSORSHIPS ♪ 1639 00:38:53,598 --> 00:38:54,332 ♪ SCRATCH EM OFF 1640 00:38:54,332 --> 00:38:54,732 THE DEAN'S LIST ♪ 1641 00:38:54,732 --> 00:38:55,333 ♪ CANCEL ALL 1642 00:38:55,333 --> 00:39:03,241 THE SCHOLARSHIPS ♪ 1643 00:39:03,241 --> 00:39:03,408 ♪ 1644 00:39:03,408 --> 00:39:10,548 ♪ 1645 00:39:10,548 --> 00:39:12,350 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1646 00:39:20,358 --> 00:39:21,659 >> Jimmy: WHAT A NIGHT. 1647 00:39:21,659 --> 00:39:24,562 THANKS TO CHRIS ROCK, SAMIRA 1648 00:39:24,562 --> 00:39:24,896 WILEY, MORRAY. 1649 00:39:24,896 --> 00:39:25,396 APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. 1650 00:39:25,396 --> 00:39:25,830 "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT. 1651 00:39:25,830 --> 00:39:26,264 THANKS FOR WATCHING. 1652 00:39:26,264 --> 00:39:26,898 IF YOU'RE BORED TONIGHT, I'LL BE 1653 00:39:26,898 --> 00:39:27,432 GETTING IT DONE WITH MY 1654 00:39:27,432 --> 00:39:28,066 BREAKDANCE CREW ON THE CORNER OF 1655 00:39:28,066 --> 00:39:31,502 SANTA MONICA AND GOWER. 1656 00:39:31,502 --> 00:39:32,937 A LITTLE BREAK DANCING, YOU KNOW 1657 00:39:32,937 --> 00:39:33,271 HOW IT GOES. 1658 00:39:33,271 --> 00:39:40,745 THANKS FOR WATCHING, GOOD NIGHT.