1 00:00:01,068 --> 00:00:01,601 >> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE"! 2 00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:04,003 TONIGHT -- EWAN MCGREGOR, 3 00:00:04,071 --> 00:00:06,539 GEORGE WALLACE, AND MUSIC FROM LUCKY DAYE 4 00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:12,277 FEATURING YEBBA, AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL! 5 00:00:12,347 --> 00:00:14,280 >> Jimmy: HI, I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST. 6 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:19,685 THANK YOU FOR WATCHING, AND THANK YOU FOR JOINING US ON THE 7 00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:26,291 DAY AFTER THE "POST ABOUT YOUR MOM INSTAGRAM" DAY. 8 00:00:26,361 --> 00:00:28,627 I HOPE YOU DIDN'T SCREW THAT UP. THERE'S A LOT OF PRESSURE ON 9 00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:32,431 MOTHER'S DAY, I USUALLY JUST PRETEND I WAS KIDNAPPED. 10 00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,233 AND I RETURN LATER THAT NIGHT. DID YOU MEET THE CHALLENGE, 11 00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:39,038 GUILLERMO? >> Guillermo: YES, JIMMY. 12 00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:42,108 >> Jimmy: WHAT DID YOU DO? >> Guillermo: I ORDERED 13 00:00:42,110 --> 00:00:44,977 BREAKFAST FOR MY WIFE. >> Jimmy: WHERE DID YOU ORDER IT 14 00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:46,245 FROM? >> Guillermo: JOE'S CAFE. 15 00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:50,916 >> Jimmy: WHAT DID YOU GET HER? >> Guillermo: I GOT HER 16 00:00:50,985 --> 00:00:52,584 PANCAKES, A SANDWICH AND COFFEE AND EVERYTHING. 17 00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:56,989 >> Jimmy: SHE HAD PANCAKES AND SANDWICH FOR BREAKFAST? 18 00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:58,324 >> Guillermo: THE SANDWICH WAS FOR ME. 19 00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,926 >> Jimmy: I FIGURED SOMETHING OUT THIS WEEKEND, MOMS 20 00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:00,993 DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE MIMOSAS. WHAT THEY REALLY LIKE IS TO GET 21 00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:04,196 DRUNK AT BREAKFAST. MANY CHILDREN WERE ON THE MOVE 22 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:07,199 THIS WEEKEND. TRAVEL WAS UP BY A LOT. 23 00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:09,402 THIS WAS THE BUSIEST WEEKEND AT AIRPORTS SINCE THE START OF THE 24 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,870 PANDEMIC. ALL SO YOUR MOM CAN TELL YOU 25 00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:15,273 "YOU LOOK TIRED" IN PERSON. EVEN THE NRA OFFERED A MOTHER'S 26 00:01:15,343 --> 00:01:20,145 DAY MESSAGE. THEY TWEETED THIS SWEET IMAGE OF 27 00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:26,018 MOTHER AND DAUGHTER WITH GUNS. IT SAYS "MAMA DIDN'T RAISE A 28 00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:27,219 VICTIM." IT LOOKS LIKE AN AD FOR THE 29 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,221 WORST WB SHOW EVER. DOESN'T IT? 30 00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:31,223 "THE KILLMORE GIRLS." PRESIDENTS BIDEN AND OBAMA 31 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,891 TWEETED MOTHER'S DAY WISHES YESTERDAY. 32 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,828 AS DID DONALD TRUMP. HE ISN'T ALLOWED ON TWITTER 33 00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,230 ANYMORE SO HE WROTE THIS ON HIS WEBSITE. 34 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,099 HE WROTE -- "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL. 35 00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:41,767 IT WILL ALL COME BACK BIGGER AND BETTER AND STRONGER THAN EVER 36 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,569 BEFORE. DO NOT WORRY!" 37 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:47,707 OKAY, WELL, NOW I'M WORRIED. NOTHING CAN EVER BE ABOUT 38 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:51,777 ANYTHING OTHER THAN HIM. IT CAN'T JUST BE MOTHER'S DAY. 39 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:53,112 IT HAS TO BE WE'LL COME BACK. AND THEN, THREE MINUTES LATER, 40 00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:56,315 OUR KENTUCKY FRIED FORMER PRESIDENT WEIGHED IN ON THE 41 00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:59,986 DRAMA SURROUNDING THE KENTUCKY DERBY. 42 00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:01,654 YOU HEARD WHAT HAPPENED AT THE KENTUCKY DERBY? 43 00:02:01,656 --> 00:02:05,657 >> Guillermo: NO, JIMMY. >> Jimmy: THE WINNER, THERE WAS 44 00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:08,260 STEROIDS IN THE HORSE. TRUMP WROTE "SO NOW EVEN OUR 45 00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:09,661 KENTUCKY DERBY WINNER, MEDINA SPIRIT, IS A JUNKY. 46 00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:12,464 THIS IS EMBLEMATIC OF WHAT IS HAPPENING TO OUR COUNTRY." 47 00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:15,067 STAY WITH HIM HERE. HE GETS TO THE POINT. 48 00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:18,203 "THE WHOLE WORLD IS LAUGHING AT US AS WE GO TO HELL ON OUR 49 00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:21,273 BORDERS, OUR FAKE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION, AND EVERYWHERE ELSE!" 50 00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:24,476 AND WHO KNOWS MORE ABOUT THE WORLD LAUGHING AT US THAN OUR 51 00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:27,079 OWN TRIPLE CLOWN? DONALD TRUMP. 52 00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:29,148 WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT? DOES HE THINK THE HORSE TESTED 53 00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:32,751 POSITIVE FOR ANTIFA? AND HONESTLY, IF HE'S GOING TO 54 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,620 START PICKING FIGHTS WITH HORSES, WE SHOULD LET HIM BACK 55 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:37,556 ON TWITTER. BECAUSE I WANT TO SEE THAT. 56 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:40,559 YESTERDAY, WE LEARNED THAT JUNKY COLD MEDINA TESTED POSITIVE FOR 57 00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:42,895 A STEROID. THE HORSE'S TRAINER, 58 00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:46,165 BOB BAFFERT, CLAIMS HE HAS NO IDEA HOW IT HAPPENED. 59 00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:50,502 BUT HE DOES SEEM TO HAVE AN IDEA OF WHAT ALL THE FUSS IS ABOUT. 60 00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:55,441 >> CHURCHILL DOWNS CAME OUT WITH THAT STATEMENT THAT WAS PRETTY 61 00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:59,845 HARSH, AND I THINK THEY HAD TO JUST, YOU KNOW, WITH ALL THE 62 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:03,182 NOISE GOING OUT, YOU KNOW, WE LIVE IN A DIFFERENT WORLD NOW. 63 00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:09,254 THIS AMERICA IS DIFFERENT. AND IT WAS LIKE A CANCEL CULTURE 64 00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:11,256 KIND OF A THING. SO THEY'RE REVIEWING IT. 65 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,259 >> Jimmy: RIGHT, RIGHT. YOUR HORSE TESTED POSITIVE FOR 66 00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:14,527 STEROIDS BECAUSE OF CANCEL CULTURE. 67 00:03:14,529 --> 00:03:18,064 PROBABLY SOME LOUD-MOUTH LESBIANS GOT IN THE STALL THERE 68 00:03:18,132 --> 00:03:22,868 AND INJECTED HIM WITH IT. IT'S HORSE RACISM IS WHAT IT IS. 69 00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:25,937 THE OTHER BIG ANIMAL STORY COMES FROM HOUSTON, WHERE A BENGAL 70 00:03:26,007 --> 00:03:28,741 TIGER WAS ON THE LOOSE IN A RESIDENTIAL NEIGHBORHOOD LAST 71 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:31,676 NIGHT. OH, FLORIDA IS SO JEALOUS RIGHT 72 00:03:31,746 --> 00:03:35,947 NOW. THIS IS A TIGER. 73 00:03:36,017 --> 00:03:40,286 YOU CAN SEE HERE AN OFFDUTY POLICE OFFICER, HE HAD HAZE GUN 74 00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:42,555 DRAWN UNTIL THE TIGER'S OWNER SHOWED UP. 75 00:03:42,557 --> 00:03:44,490 AND RETRIEVED IT. AND THEN IT GOT WEIRDER FROM 76 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:50,429 THERE. >> AN OFFDUTY DEPUTY CAME TO THE 77 00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:51,964 HOUSE AND CONFRONTED THE OWNER OF THE TIGER. 78 00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:54,633 THERE WAS A BRIEF CONFRONTATION ABOUT THE TIGER BEING OUT IN 79 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,769 PUBLIC, WHICH IS AGAINST CITY ORDINANCE TO HAVE A TIGER HERE 80 00:03:56,837 --> 00:04:00,573 IN THE CITY OF HOUSTON. THE OWNER OF THE TIGER TOOK THE 81 00:04:00,575 --> 00:04:06,979 TIGER BACK IN TO THE RESIDENCE. WHEN HPD SHOWED UP, THE OWNER 82 00:04:06,981 --> 00:04:11,050 PUT THE TIGER IN A WHITE SUV AND DROVE OFF FROM THE SCENE. 83 00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:14,920 THERE WAS A BRIEF PURSUIT, AND THE MAN GOT AWAY WITH THE TIGER. 84 00:04:14,989 --> 00:04:18,057 >> Jimmy: HE GOT AWAY. IT TURNS OUT THE MAN WHO GOT 85 00:04:18,059 --> 00:04:19,191 AWAY WITH THE TIGER IS WANTED FOR MURDER. 86 00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:20,459 HE AND THE TIGER ARE STILL ON THE LOOSE. 87 00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:23,395 BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A WHITE JEEP CHEROKEE BEING DRIVEN BY A 88 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:27,533 MAN WITH NO HEAD. SOMETIMES THESE NETFLIX 89 00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:33,205 DOCUMENTARIES WRITE THEMSELVES. MEANWHILE IN ENGLAND WHERE THEY 90 00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:39,745 WILL LOVE THIS TIGER STORY, THEY ARE REOPENING FOR BUSINESS AND 91 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,880 ALSO REOPENING THEIR ARMS. PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON 92 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:47,886 TODAY GAVE THE OKAY FOR WHAT THEY CALL "CAUTIOUS HUGGING." 93 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,756 STARTING A WEEK FROM TODAY, THOSE WHO LIVE IN THE UK WILL BE 94 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,491 OKAY TO CAUTIOUSLY HUG ONCE AGAIN. 95 00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:56,561 I HAVE TO SAY THIS IS SHOCKING TO ME BECAUSE I WAS UNDER THE 96 00:04:56,631 --> 00:04:58,364 IMPRESSION THAT IF YOU HUGGED A BRITISH PERSON. 97 00:04:58,366 --> 00:05:03,101 THAT WOULD EXPLODE. IT'S NOT SOMETHING THEY DO. 98 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,504 HOW HAVE THEY BEEN REGULATING THAT? 99 00:05:05,573 --> 00:05:08,373 I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS ILLEGAL. OUTLAWING HUGS? 100 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:09,308 SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING THE VILLAIN WOULD DO IN A CARE BEARS 101 00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:10,509 MOVIE. AND DON'T THINK IT'S A 102 00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:13,312 COINCIDENCE THAT THIS DECISION TO RESUME HUGGING WAS MADE THREE 103 00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:20,452 WEEKS AFTER THE QUEEN BECAME SINGLE. 104 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:21,720 "HUGGING," YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 105 00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,255 THAT U.K. VARIANT OF COVID IS NOW WREAKING HAVOC HERE IN THE 106 00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:24,790 STATES. PRIMARILY IN FLORIDA. 107 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,593 IN THE WEEKS AFTER SPRING BREAK, THERE WAS A SURGE IN CASES OF 108 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,794 COVID. BECAUSE THEY DID NOT LOCK IT 109 00:05:29,864 --> 00:05:31,664 DOWN. THOUGH TO BE FAIR, HOW COULD 110 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:35,267 GOVERNOR DESANTIS HAVE KNWN THAT SPRING BREAK TRAVEL MIGHT 111 00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:41,406 POSSIBLY RESULT IN THE SPREAD OF DANGEROUS VARIANTS? 112 00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:43,876 >> INFECTIOUS DISEASE EXPERTS ARE PLEADING TO ANYONE WHO WILL 113 00:05:43,878 --> 00:05:46,611 LISTEN, ASKING THEM TO HOLD OFF ON TRAVELING FOR SPRING BREAK. 114 00:05:46,681 --> 00:05:49,949 >> THEY'RE CONCERNED ABOUT YET ANOTHER SURGE AS WE HEAD INTO 115 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,684 SPRING BREAK. >> IN FACT, THEY'RE WARNING THAT 116 00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:54,152 CROWDS PACKING FLORIDA BEACHES COULD REALLY CONTRIBUTE TO A 117 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:57,556 SPIKE IN CORONAVIRUS CASES. >> WITH SPRING BREAK IN FULL 118 00:05:57,625 --> 00:06:00,025 SWING HERE IN SOUTH FLORIDA, HEALTH EXPERTS WORRY IT COULD 119 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:04,029 LEAD TO ANOTHER SPIKE. >> FLORIDA LEADS THE COUNTRY IN 120 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,898 B.1.1.7 VARIANTS, AND LOCAL DOCTORS ARE WORRIED THAT SPRING 121 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:09,701 BREAKERS MAY BE HEADED HOME WITH MORE THAN JUST SOUVENIRS. 122 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:12,304 >> Jimmy: IN FLORIDA, "SOUVENIRS" MEANS CHLAMYDIA. 123 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:15,840 THE GOOD NEWS IS FLORIDA NOW HAS TIGHT COVID RESTRICTIONS IN 124 00:06:15,910 --> 00:06:18,310 PLACE THAT SHOULD -- OH WAIT, THE GOVERNOR LIFTED ALL 125 00:06:18,312 --> 00:06:20,912 THE RESTRICTIONS LAST WEEK? NEVER MIND. 126 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:23,115 IT'S FLORIDA. AS MORE PEOPLE DO GET 127 00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:28,921 VACCINATED, ONE THING WE WILL BE SEEING MORE OF IS FACES. 128 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,991 YOU KNOW, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WORK HERE WHOSE WHOLE FACES I'VE 129 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,191 NEVER SEEN. AT THE END, THEY'LL BE TAKING 130 00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:35,260 OFF THEIR MASKS LIKE A YEAR LONG EPISODE OF "SCOOBY DOO." 131 00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:37,262 IT'S DEFINITELY GOING TO BE WEIRD WHEN WE STOP WEARING MASKS 132 00:06:37,331 --> 00:06:39,932 ALL THE TIME. AND IT MIGHT TAKE SOME GETTING 133 00:06:39,934 --> 00:06:42,534 USED TO, SO, AS A PUBLIC SERVICE, THE U.S. DEPT. OF 134 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,937 HEALTH & HUMAN SERVICES MADE THIS VIDEO TO HELP US PUT OUR 135 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:50,743 BEST FACE FORWARD. >> THE FOLLOWING IS A MESSAGE 136 00:06:50,745 --> 00:06:54,946 FROM THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES. 137 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:58,950 >> YOU HAVEN'T SHOWN YOUR FACE IN PUBLIC FOR 13 MONTHS, BUT NOW 138 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,820 THAT COVID RESTRICTIONS ARE LIFTING, YOU'LL ONCE AGAIN BE 139 00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:04,289 SUBJECT TO A WIDE ARRAY OF SOCIAL CUES. 140 00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:08,160 WHEN THE TIME COMES, WILL YOU REMEMBER WHICH FACE TO MAKE? 141 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:12,698 LET'S GIVE IT A TRY. IF SOMEONE WERE TO SAY TO YOU 142 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:16,234 GREAT NEWS, I AM GETTING MARRIED. 143 00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:17,102 >> WHAT FACIAL EXPRESSION WITH YOU USE? 144 00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:22,374 NOT QUITE. SORRY, GUY. 145 00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:26,444 THE CORRECT RESPONSE IS A WIDE HAPPY SMILE. 146 00:07:26,514 --> 00:07:31,850 YOU'RE GETTING THERE. LET'S TRY AGAIN. 147 00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:34,519 >> MY DOG GOT RUN OVER BY A CAR. >> HOW DOES YOUR FACE RESPOND TO 148 00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:38,123 THAT? NOPE. 149 00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:42,794 HUH-UH. NOW YOU MAKE A SAD FACE. 150 00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:45,997 EDGES OF YOUR LIPS DOWN. BETTER. 151 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:50,135 LET'S DO ONE MORE. NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY. 152 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:54,339 >> I BELIEVE COVID IS A HOAX AND VACCINES ARE THE DEVIL'S BLOOD. 153 00:07:54,408 --> 00:07:59,144 >> HOW WOULD YOU FACE REACT TO THIS DISTURBING STATEMENT? 154 00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:05,950 N UH-HUH, NO. 155 00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:08,620 YOU SHOULD MAKE A SHOCKED AND ANGRY FACE. 156 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:14,693 STOP NODDING YES. WAIT, ARE YOU QANON SUPPORTERS? 157 00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:16,762 OH FOR [ BLEEP ] SAKE. >> TOM HANKS EATS BABIES. 158 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,564 >> THE PROCEEDING WAS A MESSAGE FROM THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF 159 00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:23,701 HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES. >> Jimmy: WELL, THAT'S -- THAT 160 00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:25,237 DOESN'T SEEM TRUE AT ALL. YOU KNOW, NOT EVERYONE IS ON 161 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:27,906 BOARD WITH WEARING MASKS. MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE, AKA 162 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:33,111 "KLAN MOM," HAD THE FIRST IN A SERIES OF WHAT THEY'RE CALLING 163 00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:34,312 AMERICA FIRST RALLIES. HER FIRST STOP WAS THE VILLAGES, 164 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:38,183 WHICH IS A RETIREMENT COMMUNITY OUTSIDE OF ORLANDO WHERE MTG 165 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:41,453 GAVE SENIORS HER TWO CENTS ON CLIMATE CHANGE. 166 00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:46,658 >> WE DON'T WANT TO PRAY TO THE CLIMATE GODS AND CONFESS OUR 167 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,326 SINS AND PASS THE GREEN NEW DEAL. 168 00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:53,731 NO THANK YOU. ELECTRIC VEHICLES ARE COOL. 169 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:56,402 I LIKE 'EM, AND I THINK THAT'S AWESOME TECHNOLOGY, AND WE WANT 170 00:08:56,470 --> 00:09:00,605 TO KEEP OUR EARTH CLEAN, AND WE WANT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL EARTH IN 171 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:03,141 THE WHOLE WORLD. >> Jimmy: VERY WELL SAID. 172 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,676 IF ONLY WE COULD STOP THE DANGEROUS EMISSIONS COMING OUT 173 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:07,546 OF HER, TOO. WE'D BE SET. 174 00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:12,351 BUT THE MAIN EVENT AT THIS GATHERING OF THE SIMPLE WAS AN 175 00:09:12,353 --> 00:09:16,288 APPEARANCE BY THE SOON TO BE DISGRACED CONGRESSMAN MATT 176 00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:19,424 GAETZ, WHO FOR REASONS UNKNOWN IS BACK. 177 00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:32,971 ♪ >> Jimmy: HELL YES! 178 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,639 GAETZ IS BACK! YOU KNOW, USUALLY WHEN 179 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:35,641 MATT GAETZ VISITS A RETIREMENT COMMUNITY, IT'S TO MEET HIS 180 00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:40,312 GIRLFRIEND'S GRANDMA. BUT THIS TIME THE ONLY THING 181 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:43,448 SADDER THAN THAT ENTRANCE IS THE FACT THAT THIS IS HOW HE 182 00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:49,855 CELEBRATED HIS 39TH BIRTHDAY. >> CNN IS JUST THE WORST. 183 00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:53,125 I ALREADY KNOW. SO TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY. 184 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:57,930 >> HAPPY BIRTHDAY! >> AND I ALREADY KNOW HOW CNN'S 185 00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:02,134 GOING TO REPORT IT. MATT GAETZ HAS WILD PARTIES 186 00:10:02,136 --> 00:10:03,268 SURROUNDED BY BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THE VILLAGES. 187 00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:08,406 SO JUST GET READY FOR IT! >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, EVERYONE 188 00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:12,811 GETS TWO TAPIOCAS TONIGHT! DID YOU GUYS SEE ELON MUSK 189 00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:17,683 HOSTING "SNL?" A LOT OF PEOPLE WATCHED. 190 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,618 IT WAS THEIR THIRD HIGHEST-RATED EPISODE OF THE YEAR. 191 00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:22,153 THERE WAS SO MUCH FOCUS, IN FACT, THAT NEWSMAX BROUGHT AN 192 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,889 "EXPERT" ON TO REVIEW IT. UNFORTUNATELY FOR THEM, WHAT I 193 00:10:24,959 --> 00:10:27,826 GUESS THEY DIDN'T ACCOUNT FOR IS THAT THE GUY THEY PICKED TO DO 194 00:10:27,895 --> 00:10:32,163 THE REVIEW IS A COMEDY WRITER WHO WORKED FOR PRESIDENT OBAMA. 195 00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:35,968 >> WHAT HAPPENED ON "SNL" THIS WEEKEND IS THAT PEOPLE MADE 196 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,837 STUFF UP AND THEN SAID IT ON TELEVISION LIKE IT'S TRUE. 197 00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:43,041 AND THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS PRETTY FREQUENTLY IN AMERICAN TV. 198 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:48,113 FOR EXAMPLE, IN 2020, DOMINION VOTING SYSTEMS SUED NEWSMAX OVER 199 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,514 ITS FALSE CLAIMS ABOUT ELECTION FRAUD. 200 00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:52,518 NEWSMAX WAS LYING TO ITS OWN VIEWERS, AND NEWSMAX HAD TO 201 00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:55,387 SETTLE THAT LAWSUIT. ACTUALLY, I JUST NEED TO CHECK 202 00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:56,588 IN. ARE YOU STILL TELLING THAT LIE 203 00:10:56,590 --> 00:11:01,793 OR ARE YOU TELLING NEW LIES? >> Jimmy: AND THEN TANCHOR, A 204 00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:03,261 GUY NAMED ROB FINNERTY, HAD TO TAP DANCE TO MAKE SURE HIS 205 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,930 OVERLORDS AT NEWSMAX MDIDN'T GET HIT WITH ANOTHER LAWSUIT FROM 206 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,600 DOMINION. >> THAT'S FINE, DAVID. 207 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,402 I KNOW. THIS IS A VERY FUNNY MOMENT FOR 208 00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:11,670 YOU. I KNOW YOU DIDN'T SLEEP LAST 209 00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:15,741 NIGHT AS YOU TRIED TO SORT OF GET THE ANCHOR ON MORNING 210 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:18,009 NEWSMAX. I'D BE HAPPY TO TALK WITH 211 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,945 WHATEVER YOU WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT. 212 00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:21,146 OBVIOUSLY IT'S NOT THE TOPIC RIGHT NOW. 213 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,949 IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," I'LL DO 214 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,884 THAT WITH YOU. BUT OBVIOUSLY I'M NOT GOING TO 215 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,752 TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW. 216 00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:30,022 SO YOU DECIDE RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT OF TELEVISION. 217 00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:32,224 GO AHEAD. >> DID DOMINION VOTING SYSTEMS 218 00:11:32,226 --> 00:11:35,961 HAVE ANY IMPACT ON THE 2020 ELECTION? 219 00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:39,364 >> THAT IS REALLY UNFORTUNATE, BECAUSE I WAS REALLY EXCITED 220 00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:40,365 ABOUT THIS INTERVIEW. >> Jimmy: YEAH, WE ALL WERE. 221 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,968 WE WERE ALL EXCITED ABOUT THAT INTERVIEW. 222 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:47,973 ELON MUSK WAS A WEIRD CHOICE FOR HOST, AND HE DIDN'T GET GREAT 223 00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:49,975 REVIEWS FOR CHOICE. REVIEWS DON'T MEAN MUCH. 224 00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:53,778 COMEDY IS A MATTER OF OPINION. I'M CURIOUS HOW HE THINKS HE 225 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,514 DID. SO WE ASKED HIM TO JOIN US AND 226 00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:59,651 HE VERY GRACIOUSLY SAID YES. I'D LIKE YOU TO SAY HELLO TO 227 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:00,785 ELON MUSK RIGHT NOW. HELLO, ELON. 228 00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:04,589 >> HELLO, JIMMY KIMMEL. >> Jimmy: WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT 229 00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:06,124 NOW? >> THIS IS MY NEW IN THE DAYTIME 230 00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:14,199 TV SHOW ELON. WOULD SOMEBODY BRING ME A SMALL 231 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,401 BOWL OF THOSE THINGS WHIMSICAL SO I CAN PRESENT HIM. 232 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,738 >> Jimmy: IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ON THE SET OF "ELLEN." 233 00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:22,874 >> IT'S CALL ELON NOW. I BOUGHT IT. 234 00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:24,742 >> Jimmy: YOU BOUGHT ELLEN'S SHOW FROM HER? 235 00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:29,281 >> YES, I PAID HER 2 BILLION DUTCH COIN. 236 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:30,882 >> Jimmy: OH, WOW. HOW MUCH IS THAT WORTH? 237 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:34,686 >> WELL, YOU KNOW $1 BILLION DUTCH COIN? 238 00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:37,021 IT'S TWICE THAT. IDIOT. 239 00:12:37,091 --> 00:12:40,559 LOOK, NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME TO DO A DANCE! 240 00:12:40,561 --> 00:12:43,895 >> Jimmy: OH, OKAY. >> MARS, MARS, MARS! 241 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:48,833 SPACE SPACE SPACE! MARS MARS MARS! 242 00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:55,573 SACE SPACE SPACE! >> Jimmy: YEAH. 243 00:12:55,642 --> 00:13:00,778 >> WASN'T THAT LIKE TOTALLY RELATABLE NORMAL GUY PERFORMANCE 244 00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:04,182 I ENGAGED IN WITH MY FLESH BODY, JIMMY? 245 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,184 >> Jimmy: YES, I MEAN NO. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? 246 00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:09,320 >> WELL, YOU SEE, JIMMY KIMMEL, I WAS SUCH A HIT THIS WEEKEND 247 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:13,525 WHEN I WAS HOSTING "SNELL" THAT I THOUGHT, WHAT OTHER THINGS AM 248 00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:15,794 I GREAT AT AND TOTALLY-QUALIFIED FOR? 249 00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:22,334 AND IT OCCURRED TO ME, HOSTING AN EVERYDAY TELEVISION SHOW 250 00:13:22,336 --> 00:13:24,936 PROGRAM IS LIKE FOR ME. >> Jimmy: OKAY. 251 00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,204 ALL RIGHT. >> SOMEONE BRING ME LIKE A BIRD 252 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:29,073 OR A MONKEY OR SOMETHING THAT DOES SOMETHING REMARKABLE. 253 00:13:29,143 --> 00:13:32,611 PERHAPS I SHOULD'VE SPARED A FEW OF ELLEN'S STAFF MEMBERS FROM 254 00:13:32,613 --> 00:13:38,283 THEIR TERRIBLE FATE. >> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEIR 255 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:39,150 TERRIBLE FATE? WHAT DID YOU DO TO ELLEN'S 256 00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:41,019 STAFF? >> THEY WERE NO MATCH FOR MY NEW 257 00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:47,358 BONE VAPORIZER! >> Jimmy: WHAT IS THAT? 258 00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:50,361 >> OH, I MADE IT IN COLLABORATION WITH MY GOOD 259 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:53,431 FRIENDS AT SHUTTERFLY. >> Jimmy: IT'S A -- WAIT A 260 00:13:53,433 --> 00:14:01,906 MINUTE, YOU VAPORIZED ELLEN'S STAFF,'S BONES IN COLLABORATION 261 00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,641 WITH SHUTTERFLY? >> I DID. 262 00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,977 IS THAT A NO-NO? >> Jimmy: IT'S KIND OF A NO-NO, 263 00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:10,048 YEAH. WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THOSE? 264 00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:11,516 ANYWAY, THESE ARE AVAILABLE IN LIMITED QUANTITIES AT THE BORING 265 00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:13,051 COMPANY BONE VAPORIZER DOT SEX. >> Jimmy: WHY WOULD YOU MAKE 266 00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:18,123 SOMETHING THIS DANGEROUS AVAILABLE TO THE PUBLIC, ELON? 267 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:21,459 >> BECAUSE I'M LIKE EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE SOCIOPATH. 268 00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:22,727 SOMEONE BRING ME THE DANCE SQUAD FROM AN UNDER-PRIVILEGED HIGH 269 00:14:22,796 --> 00:14:26,063 SCHOOL SO I CAN STEAL THEIR SPIRIT AND GO VIRAL! 270 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:29,801 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, I'M STARTING TO THINK YOU'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN 271 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,736 THE ELLEN SHOW. >> GUESS WHAT? 272 00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:33,004 >> Jimmy: WHAT? >> I'M ALSO YOUR HOST NOW TOO. 273 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:36,073 >> Jimmy: WHAT? >> YEAH. 274 00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:39,611 GUILLERMO! COME TO ME. 275 00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:42,881 >> Jimmy: WAIT, NO, NO, NO. YOU CAN'T TAKE GUILLERMO. 276 00:14:42,949 --> 00:14:46,017 YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE GUILLERMO. 277 00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,754 >> OH, JIMMY KIMMEL, DO YOU LOVE TO ENJOY HAVING YOUR OWN SOLID 278 00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:56,961 BONES? >> Jimmy: I DO, YES. 279 00:14:57,030 --> 00:15:02,634 >> HA HA HA, OOPS. ANOTHER NO-NO, I GUESS. 280 00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,702 FELLOW FLESH BODIES, WE HAVE GREAT SHOW. 281 00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:06,238 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH HU-MAN MCGREGOR, AND LATER ON, I POP 282 00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,439 OUT OF DOORWAYS TO FRIGHTEN THE CAST OF "BLACK-ISH." 283 00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,108 OR SOMETHING. GUILLERMO! 284 00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:12,109 NOW WE DANCE! SPACE SPACE SPACE! 285 00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:16,648 MARS MARS MARS! WOW. 286 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:23,187 YEAH. THAT'S LIKE, YEAH. 287 00:15:23,257 --> 00:15:25,123 MARS, MARS, MARS, MARS. ♪ 288 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:33,131 >> Jimmy: HI, WELCOME BACK. TONIGHT HIS NEW BOOK IS CALLED 289 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,133 BULK. THE VERY FUNNY GEORGE WALLACE IS 290 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:40,605 HERE. THIS LATER, A PAIR OF VERY 291 00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,874 TALENTED SINGERS TEAMING UP FOR THIS EP. 292 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:48,079 IT'S AN EP OF DUETS CALLED "TABLE FOR TWO." 293 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:49,547 MUSIC FROM LUCKY DAYE WITH YEBBA. 294 00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:50,882 THIS WEEK- WE'VE GOT A GREAT LINEUP, NEW SHOWS WITH 295 00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:53,751 CHRIS ROCK, HEIDI KLUM, MIKE EPPS, WANDA SYKES, AND 296 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:58,957 MUSIC FROM MADNESS, MORRAY, AND MOD SUN WITH AVRIL LAVIGNE. 297 00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:03,228 SO PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT. OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN 298 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,163 A VERY TALENTED ACTOR WITH A NEW OBIWAN KE SHOWBI COMING TO 299 00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:09,834 DISNEY PLUS, BUT FIRST HE PLAYS A FAMOUS FASHION ICON IN A NEW 300 00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:12,704 LIMITED SERIES ON NETFLIX, "HALSTON" PREMIERES FRIDAY. 301 00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:16,775 PLEASE WELCOME EWAN MCGREGOR. HEY, EWAN, HOW YOU? 302 00:16:16,777 --> 00:16:18,442 >> GOOD. HOW YOU? 303 00:16:18,512 --> 00:16:19,778 >> Jimmy: I'M DOING WELL. THANK YOU. 304 00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,913 THANKS FOR BEING WITH US. >> MY PLEASURE. 305 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:25,249 >> Jimmy: I SEE YOU HAVE A LOT OF "STAR WARS" STUFF BEHIND YOU 306 00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:26,585 THERE IN THAT ROOM YOU'RE IN, HUH? 307 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,387 >> YEAH. I'M ON SET. 308 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:33,658 I'M SORT OF IN THE STUDIO WHERE WE'RE SHOOTING THE "STAR WARS" 309 00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:34,793 SERIES. >> Jimmy: OH, GREAT. 310 00:16:34,795 --> 00:16:37,395 PICK UP THE COMPUTER AND CARRY IT AROUND AND SHOW US 311 00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:43,068 EVERYTHING. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU DID 312 00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:46,203 THAT? WOULD YOU -- NO, YOU CAN'T BE 313 00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:47,939 FIRED. THERE IS NO WAY THEY CAN FIRE 314 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,006 ME. >> I DON'T THINK THEY WOULD FIRE 315 00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,809 ME, NO. BUT THEY WOULDN'T BE AT ALL 316 00:16:50,811 --> 00:16:52,344 HAPPY WITH ME. NOR WOULD ANYBODY ELSE. 317 00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:55,347 IT WOULD BE A SHAME TO SPOIL. THINK ABOUT ALL THESE REVEALS. 318 00:16:55,349 --> 00:16:59,150 IT JUST SPOILS IT FOR THE FANS. >> Jimmy: AND YET, I CAN'T 319 00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:00,885 RESIST ASKING FOR IT AND WANTING IT. 320 00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:03,421 >> YEAH, WELL, I WON'T GIVE IT TO YOU. 321 00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:05,757 >> Jimmy: HOLD UP SCRIPT FOR JUST ONE SECOND. 322 00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:07,425 HOLD UP. LET US SEE SOMETHING THERE. 323 00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:11,696 IS YOUR DRESSING ROOM BIGGER THAN DARTH VADER'S? 324 00:17:11,765 --> 00:17:14,565 >> I HAVEN'T BEEN IN ANYBODY'S DRESSING ROOM. 325 00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:18,570 >> Jimmy: INTERESTING. >> VERY METHOD IN THAT RESPECT. 326 00:17:18,572 --> 00:17:20,972 BUT HE ALSO MIGHT NOT BE IN THE SHOW, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 327 00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:22,974 IT MIGHT BE THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE A DRESSING ROOM. 328 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:26,911 >> Jimmy: WAIT A MINUTE. WE'VE BEEN TOLD HE IS IN THE 329 00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:28,046 SHOW. THAT WAS ALREADY ANNOUNCED. 330 00:17:28,114 --> 00:17:29,114 DID THEY NOT TELL YOU WHAT WAS ANNOUNCED? 331 00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,582 >> I DON'T KNOW. I JUST GET PAGES. 332 00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:34,052 I JUST GET WORDS TO SAY. I DON'T EVEN GET TO SEE. 333 00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:36,054 >> Jimmy: UH-HUH. >> RANDOM WORDS. 334 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:37,455 I THINK THEY PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER AND EDIT. 335 00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:40,058 I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. >> Jimmy: DID YOU GUYS CELEBRATE 336 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:43,194 MAY THE 4th LAST WEEK ON SET? >> YES. 337 00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:48,199 I GOT A VERY SPECIAL -- I GOT TO PLAY A VERY SPECIAL SCENE ON MAY 338 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,467 4th. >> Jimmy: OH. 339 00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:52,003 >> WITH SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL IN MY LIFE. 340 00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:54,472 AND THAT'S ALL I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT IT. 341 00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:56,675 >> Jimmy: OH, WOW. >> BUT IT WAS GREAT. 342 00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,143 NICE. >> Jimmy: IS THIS SOMEONE 343 00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,277 SPECIAL WE'VE SEEN YOU ON CAMERA WITH BEFORE? 344 00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:02,213 >> NO. >> Jimmy: NEVER? 345 00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:03,681 OOH, INTERESTING. IS THIS SPECIAL PERSON RELATED 346 00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,683 TO YOU IN SOME WAY? >> NO, NOT NECESSARILY. 347 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,486 >> Jimmy: OH. WOW. 348 00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:12,357 WHAT DID IT FEEL LIKE TO PUT THE OLD COSTUME BACK ON? 349 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:14,893 >> IT WAS GOOD. IT FEELS GREAT. 350 00:18:14,895 --> 00:18:18,430 I HAVE TO SAY, I'M HAVING A REALLY GOOD TIME. 351 00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:21,299 THE COSTUME IS PROBABLY SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT THAN YOU MIGHT EXPECT. 352 00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:24,969 >> Jimmy: OH. >> BUT TO GO BACK INTO THE ROLE 353 00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:26,637 SHALL WE SAY. >> Jimmy: UH-HUH. 354 00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:29,507 >> IS GREAT. IT'S LIKE IT'S ALL STILL THERE. 355 00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:33,578 IT FEELS GOOD. THERE IS SOME GREAT -- IT'S 356 00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,847 GREAT SCRIPTS AND GREAT PEOPLE TO WORK WITH. 357 00:18:35,849 --> 00:18:36,982 I'S GREAT. I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME. 358 00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:40,118 I'VE GOT THIS NEW TECHNOLOGY. WE'VE GOT THIS -- BEFORE WE DID 359 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,920 THIS MONTHS OF BLUE SCREEN AND GREEN SCREEN ACTING. 360 00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:48,192 AND NOW WE'VE GOT THIS EXTRAORDINARY TECHNOLOGY WHERE 361 00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:49,928 WE WORK INSIDE A BIG SCREEN, YOU KNOW? 362 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,664 AND THE BACKGROUNDS ARE ON THERE. 363 00:18:52,666 --> 00:18:55,000 AND SO IT FEELS MUCH MORE REALISTIC. 364 00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:57,669 IT'S GOOD. >> Jimmy: AND ALSO, AS FAR AS 365 00:18:57,737 --> 00:19:01,406 THE OUTFITS GO, THIS JUST HIT ME IS YEAH, TEN YEARS LATER, AS THE 366 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:07,679 SHOW PICKS UP TEN YEARS AFTER ""REVENGE OF THE SITH," WHATEVER 367 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:12,217 OBI-WAN WAS WEARING WOULD BE REALLY OUT OF STYLE BY THEN, TEN 368 00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:15,753 YEARS LATER, RIGHT? >> YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. 369 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,488 WHOLE NEW WAVE NOW. THEY'VE PROBABLY GONE BACK TO 370 00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:19,757 THE PREQUELS. >> Jimmy: MAYBE SO. 371 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:24,829 ONE MORE "STAR WARS" THING. NOEL GAL BETTER OF THE BAND 372 00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:29,968 OASIS CLAIMS, HE SAID THIS IN AN INTERVIEW, HE DID YOUR FIRST 373 00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:32,837 LIGHT SABER TRAINING WITH YOU. IS THERE ANY TRUTH TO THAT? 374 00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:37,441 >> WELL, WE HAD -- NOEL GALLAGHER'S 30th BIRTHDAY PARTY, 375 00:19:37,511 --> 00:19:40,378 AND HE LIVED QUITE CLOSE TO ME IN LONDON, NORTH LONDON. 376 00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:44,449 AND I WAS AT HIS PARTY. AND THEN THERE WAS A LIGHT SABER 377 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:47,385 FIGHT IN HIS GARDEN VERY EARLY THE NEXT DAY IN THE MORNING. 378 00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:52,924 >> Jimmy: AH. >> BUT I DON'T REMEMBER TOO MUCH 379 00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:55,460 INSTRUCTION. I DON'T REMEMBER LIKE ANY 380 00:19:55,528 --> 00:20:00,865 LESSONS BEING GIVEN FROM KNOW NOLE. 381 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,600 IT'S MORE OF A BATTLE IN THE GARDEN. 382 00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:03,668 >> Jimmy: AND WHO WON THE BATTLE? 383 00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:06,337 >> I WOULD BE SURPRISED IF EITHER OF US COULD REMEMBER 384 00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:07,739 THAT. >> Jimmy: SPEAKING OF BIRTHDAYS, 385 00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:10,742 YOU HAD A BIG BIRTHDAY IN MARCH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 386 00:20:10,744 --> 00:20:11,876 YOU TURNED 50 YEARS OLD. >> THANK YOU. 387 00:20:11,945 --> 00:20:17,481 >> Jimmy: AND ONE OF YOUR DAUGHTERS POSTED A VIDEO THAT I 388 00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,817 THINK IS REALLY I FOUND SURPRISING. 389 00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:21,686 I WILL TELL YOU WHY. ROLL THAT VIDEO. 390 00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:26,090 HERE YOU ARE ON A UNICYCLE, WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW YOU KNEW HOW 391 00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:30,028 TO RIDE. JUST KIND OF GOING AND OH, MY 392 00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:32,363 GOSH, OBVIOUSLY IT DIDN'T GO AS YOU PLANNED. 393 00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:36,100 BUT WE TAGGED THAT PART IN THE END. 394 00:20:36,169 --> 00:20:38,102 HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RIDING A UNICYCLE? 395 00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:40,771 >> I'VE JUST BEEN OUTED BY MY DAUGHTER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 396 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,775 I DIDN'T KNOW SHE POSTED THAT. I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN OUTED AS 397 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:48,713 THE UNICYCLIST I AM. I MANAGED TO KEEP IT SECRET ALL 398 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:50,047 THESE YEARS. I DON'T KNOW. 399 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:54,118 I PICKED IT UP YEARS AGO, JUST AS A WHIM, ON A WHIM, YOU KNOW. 400 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:58,523 AND I FIND IT TO BE SOMETHING THAT -- I LIKE LEARNING NEW 401 00:20:58,525 --> 00:21:00,124 THINGS IN MY OLDER AGE, IF YOU LIKE. 402 00:21:00,193 --> 00:21:04,395 AND THAT WAS ONE OF THEM. AND IT'S LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, A 403 00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:06,397 VERY DIFFICULT THING TO LEARN TO DO. 404 00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:08,999 YOU CAN ONLY TO LEARN TO DO IT BY FALLING OVER AND GETTING BACK 405 00:21:09,069 --> 00:21:10,401 UP AND FALLING OVER AND GETTING BACK UP. 406 00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:14,339 I THINK THAT'S A LOT. THAT'S SORT OF METAPHOR IF YOU 407 00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:16,407 LIKE FOR LIFE. SO I LIKE IT. 408 00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:19,744 AND SUDDENLY YOU CAN DO IT. AND I'LL NEVER REALLY BELIEVE I 409 00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:24,215 CAN DO IT, EVEN WHEN I'M RIDING ALONG ON ONE, I'M STILL A BIT 410 00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:25,616 DOUBTFUL. I'M NOT REALLY DOING THIS. 411 00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:28,752 BUT I CAN DO IT, AS YOU CAN SEE. >> Jimmy: IS IT LIKE RIDING A 412 00:21:28,822 --> 00:21:34,825 BICYCLE IN THAT ONCE YOU CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT, RIDING A 413 00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:36,094 UNICYCLE? >> PROBABLY NOT QUITE. 414 00:21:36,162 --> 00:21:39,830 IT'S ALWAYS A BIT OF A CHALLENGE GETTING STARTED. 415 00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:41,166 ONCE YOU GET GOING -- MAYBE IT IS. 416 00:21:41,234 --> 00:21:43,034 I DON'T KNOW. I THINK YOU GET BETTER AT IT AS 417 00:21:43,102 --> 00:21:47,304 YOU GO ALONG, FOR SURE, IF YOU KEEP PRACTICING. 418 00:21:47,374 --> 00:21:53,177 >> Jimmy: IT'S LIKE A CHUM CHUMBA WUMBA SONG COME TO LIFE. 419 00:21:53,246 --> 00:21:56,314 >> THE ONLY CHUM. BA WUMBA. 420 00:21:56,382 --> 00:21:59,917 IS THERE ANOTHER ONE? >> Jimmy: THERE ARE NO OTHER 421 00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:02,053 ONES. THEY JUST SAID YOU KNOW WHAT? 422 00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:03,721 WE NAILED IT. WE'RE DONE. 423 00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:06,124 WE GET DOWN, WE GET BACK UP AGAIN. 424 00:22:06,192 --> 00:22:09,860 >> Jimmy: YOU MAKE THESE GREAT TRAVEL SHOWS WHERE YOU RIDE YOUR 425 00:22:09,929 --> 00:22:13,597 MOTORCYCLES THROUGH LIKE FOR LIKE A THOUSAND DAYS OR 426 00:22:13,667 --> 00:22:17,201 SOMETHING THROUGH ALL THESE TINY PLACES AND YOU MEET ALL THESE 427 00:22:17,270 --> 00:22:20,138 INTERESTING PEOPLE. IS THAT LIKE THE BEST THING YOU 428 00:22:20,206 --> 00:22:22,873 GET TO DO? >> THAT'S ONE OF THE GREAT 429 00:22:22,942 --> 00:22:27,077 THINGS I'VE GOT TO DO IN MY LIFE, YEAH, IS THOSE BIG TRIPS. 430 00:22:27,147 --> 00:22:29,547 I LOVE IT. I LOVE BEING OUT IN THE MIDDLE 431 00:22:29,615 --> 00:22:32,416 OF NOWHERE. YOU JUST GET SUCH A GREAT SENSE 432 00:22:32,485 --> 00:22:36,754 OF PEOPLE AND HOW HELPFUL AND NICE PEOPLE ARE ALL AROUND THE 433 00:22:36,822 --> 00:22:38,690 WORLD, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE ON A BIKE. 434 00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:41,693 I DON'T KNOW. YOU'RE SORT OF VULNERABLE TO THE 435 00:22:41,695 --> 00:22:44,762 ELEMENTS. AND WHEN -- WE RODE ACROSS 436 00:22:44,764 --> 00:22:50,101 KAZAKHSTAN AND MONGOLIA. AND THOSE NOMADIC COUNTRIES, 437 00:22:50,169 --> 00:22:51,502 MONGOLIA IS STILL A NOMADIC COUNTRY. 438 00:22:51,571 --> 00:22:54,839 PEOPLE WERE JUST KIND TO US. THEY TRAVEL AROUND ON HORSEBACK 439 00:22:54,907 --> 00:22:57,441 AND WE WERE ON MOTORCYCLES. I ON'T KNOW. 440 00:22:57,510 --> 00:22:59,376 THERE WAS A SORT OF KINSHIP THERE WAS NICE. 441 00:22:59,446 --> 00:23:01,111 I LOVED IT. I DO LOVE IT. 442 00:23:01,181 --> 00:23:05,250 >> Jimmy: AND DO PEOPLE GO HEY, IT'S YOU FROM "STAR WARS" OR THE 443 00:23:05,318 --> 00:23:07,117 "TRAIN SPOTTING" OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 444 00:23:07,187 --> 00:23:10,655 >> NOT REALLY. A GUY IN RUSSIA SAW ME AND WENT 445 00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:12,123 ACTOR, ACTOR? YEAH, YEAH. 446 00:23:12,191 --> 00:23:15,326 WHAT DID HE USE? HE DIDN'T USE THE WORD PORNO, 447 00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:18,062 BUT A VERY POLITE WAY OF SAYING PORNO. 448 00:23:18,131 --> 00:23:21,399 I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS. [ LAUGHTER ] 449 00:23:21,467 --> 00:23:25,803 ADULT MOVIES. I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT HE SAID. 450 00:23:25,872 --> 00:23:27,738 CHA CHARMING THE WAY HE PHRASED IT. 451 00:23:27,807 --> 00:23:30,007 HE MIGHT HAVE SEEN SOME OF MY EARLIER WORK. 452 00:23:30,076 --> 00:23:31,342 I DON'T KNOW. >> Jimmy: EWAN McGREGOR IS WITH 453 00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:32,543 US. HIS NEW SHOW IS CALLED 454 00:23:32,545 --> 00:23:33,677 "HALSTON." WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 455 00:23:33,747 --> 00:23:35,113 ♪ >>> WE HAVE LOTS OF OPTIONS. 456 00:23:36,549 --> 00:23:38,416 HOLD ON. >> NO. 457 00:23:38,484 --> 00:23:41,019 >> OKAY. >> NO. 458 00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:44,489 >> HALSTON, YOU DON'T EVEN LOOK AT THAT ONE. 459 00:23:44,557 --> 00:23:46,623 >> YOU GOT TO PLAY BALL HERE, HALSTON. 460 00:23:46,693 --> 00:23:50,094 >> NO. NO. 461 00:23:50,163 --> 00:23:58,770 NO. NO, NO, NO. 462 00:23:58,838 --> 00:24:02,373 NO. >> HALSTON, CAN I HAVE A WORD? 463 00:24:02,442 --> 00:24:07,978 >> NO. >> EWAN McGREGOR IN THE NEW 464 00:24:08,047 --> 00:24:09,781 NETFLIX LIMITED SERIES "HALSTON." 465 00:24:09,783 --> 00:24:13,117 YOU'RE PLAYING ROY HALSTON, THE FASHION DESIGNER. 466 00:24:13,185 --> 00:24:16,187 I'M GOING TO BE HONEST. I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A ROY 467 00:24:16,189 --> 00:24:18,856 HALSTON. I KNEW OF HALSTON, AND THAT'S 468 00:24:18,924 --> 00:24:20,257 IT. THAT'S THE ONLY THING I KNEW. 469 00:24:20,326 --> 00:24:23,194 >> IT'S AMAZING. I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM 470 00:24:23,262 --> 00:24:25,396 EITHER. AND HE IS THE MOST INCREDIBLY 471 00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:27,798 FAMOUS PERSON IN HIS DAY. HE WAS THE FIRST FASHION 472 00:24:27,867 --> 00:24:33,671 DESIGNER TO PUT HIS NAME TO COLLECTIONS OF NOT ONLY CLOTHING 473 00:24:33,673 --> 00:24:38,542 BUT LUGGAGE AND RUGS. HE WAS -- HE WAS A -- HE WAS A 474 00:24:38,611 --> 00:24:42,346 LABEL LIKE IN A WAY THAT PEOPLE ARE TODAY, YOU KNOW. 475 00:24:42,415 --> 00:24:45,950 BUT THEY WEREN'T THEN. >> Jimmy: YEAH, LIKE DONALD 476 00:24:46,018 --> 00:24:48,886 TRUMP INKIND OF IN A WAY. >> HE WASN'T LIKE DONALD TRUMP 477 00:24:48,954 --> 00:24:51,222 IN ANY WAY. >> Jimmy: IT SEEMS LIKE IT WOULD 478 00:24:51,290 --> 00:24:52,957 BE A LOT OF FUN TO PLAY A CHARACTER LIKE THAT. 479 00:24:53,025 --> 00:24:54,959 >> OH MY GOODNESS. HE WAS SO MUCH FUN TO PLAY. 480 00:24:55,027 --> 00:24:59,097 I REALLY ENJOYED LEARNING ABOUT HIM AND SORT OF FELL IN LOVE 481 00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:00,231 WITH HIM. HE WAS FUN TO PLAY. 482 00:25:00,299 --> 00:25:04,168 HE WAS QUITE -- HE HAD EXTREMES. HE WAS COMPLICATED. 483 00:25:04,237 --> 00:25:07,572 SO THOSE ARE ALWAYS THE CHARACTERS THAT ARE THE MOST FUN 484 00:25:07,574 --> 00:25:09,440 TO PLAY AS AN ACTOR. BUT I REALLY FELL FOR HIM. 485 00:25:09,442 --> 00:25:13,510 >> Jimmy: DID YOU KNOW MUCH ABOUT MAKING CLOTHING AND JUST 486 00:25:13,580 --> 00:25:16,113 THE PROCESS OF FASHION BEFORE THIS? 487 00:25:16,115 --> 00:25:18,649 >> NO. I BECAME OBSESSED BY CLOTHES 488 00:25:18,717 --> 00:25:21,252 WHILE I WAS DOING IT. BEFORE WE STARTED SHOOTING, AS I 489 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:25,055 WAS SHOOTING, I WAS ALWAYS LOOKING TO SEE HOW CLOTHING WAS 490 00:25:25,124 --> 00:25:29,327 MADE LIKE ON PEOPLE'S BODIES. HOW DOES THAT SEAM WORK? 491 00:25:29,329 --> 00:25:31,128 AND I STARTED TRYING TO DO IT MYSELF. 492 00:25:31,197 --> 00:25:34,465 I GOT A SEWING MACHINE AND A MANNEQUIN AND I WOULD DRAPE AT 493 00:25:34,534 --> 00:25:35,666 HOME. >> Jimmy: WOW. 494 00:25:35,735 --> 00:25:42,139 >> I MADE A PAIR OF PANTS. I WENT FOR A SORT OF JAPANESE 495 00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:45,676 BAGGY SHORT PANTS, PANTALOON THAT I MADE. 496 00:25:45,745 --> 00:25:48,546 >> FOR MYSELF. I WAS JUST STANDING WITH A PAIR 497 00:25:48,548 --> 00:25:49,680 OF TROUSERS TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT. 498 00:25:49,749 --> 00:25:51,482 AND I WAS LOOKING AT THE POCKETS. 499 00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:52,683 AND A POCKET IS QUITE COMPLICATED. 500 00:25:52,751 --> 00:25:55,486 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE EVER LOOKED AT YOUR OWN POCKETS. 501 00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:58,089 >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH. >> TURN YOUR PANTS INSIDE OUT, 502 00:25:58,157 --> 00:26:00,090 IT'S VERY COMPLICATED TO MAKE A POCKET. 503 00:26:00,159 --> 00:26:01,759 SO I MADE ONE. I WENT I THINK THIS IS HOW IT'S 504 00:26:01,827 --> 00:26:04,962 DONE AND TURNED THEM BACK AROUND, AND I HAT A POCKET. 505 00:26:05,030 --> 00:26:09,032 THAT'S A [ BLEEP ] POCKET! I DIDN'T KNOW I COULD DO THAT. 506 00:26:09,102 --> 00:26:13,771 SO I TURNED THEM BACK INSIDE OUT AGAIN, I MADE THE OTHER SIDE, 507 00:26:13,839 --> 00:26:17,241 FLOPPED THEM BACK AROUND AND THE OTHER POCKET WAS ON THE OUTSIDE. 508 00:26:17,243 --> 00:26:20,244 AND I HAD ONE INSIDE. BUT I THINK IT COULD BE MY 509 00:26:20,313 --> 00:26:22,513 SIGNATURE. IT COULD BE MY SIGNATURE. 510 00:26:22,582 --> 00:26:25,582 >> Jimmy: TOTALLY. YOU INVENTED SOMETHING. 511 00:26:25,652 --> 00:26:26,783 YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THINGS EVERYONE ELSE. 512 00:26:26,853 --> 00:26:31,321 >> THEY WERE SO EDGY, THE PANTS. AND I THINK THOSE ARE THE 513 00:26:31,391 --> 00:26:33,858 WRONG -- THEY'RE VERY SCOTTISH PANTS. 514 00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:36,861 >> Jimmy: I THINK YOU HAVE SOMETHING THERE. 515 00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:38,395 EWAN McGREGOR'S ITCHY POCKET PANTS, YOU KNOW? 516 00:26:38,464 --> 00:26:42,399 THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH US. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE WHOLE 517 00:26:42,468 --> 00:26:47,205 THING. "HALSTON" PREMIERES ON A FRIDAY 518 00:26:47,273 --> 00:26:49,673 ON NETFLIX. AND YOU'RE OUR ONLY HOPE. 519 00:26:49,742 --> 00:26:51,008 YOU NO THAT EWAN McGREGOR, EVERYBODY. 520 00:26:51,076 --> 00:26:51,342 WE'LL BE BACK WITH GEORGE WALLACE. 521 00:26:51,410 --> 00:26:57,615 ♪ ♪ 522 00:27:02,889 --> 00:27:04,021 >> Jimmy: MUSIC FROM LUCKY DAYE IS ON THE WAY. 523 00:27:04,090 --> 00:27:07,891 OUR NEXT GUEST IS A LEGENDARY COMEDIAN WITH A NEW BOOK OF 524 00:27:07,961 --> 00:27:09,693 TWEETS CALLED "BULLTWIT...AND WHATNOT." 525 00:27:09,762 --> 00:27:13,564 PLEASE SAY TO "THE NEW MR. LAS VEGAS," GEORGE WALLACE. 526 00:27:13,566 --> 00:27:28,979 [ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU? 527 00:27:29,048 --> 00:27:38,122 HOW YOU DOING? GEORGE, THANKS FOR COMING. 528 00:27:38,124 --> 00:27:40,324 >> THANKS FOR COMING. I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE. 529 00:27:40,393 --> 00:27:41,792 THIS IS MY FIRST TIME DOING YOUR SHOW. 530 00:27:41,861 --> 00:27:44,861 HOW LONG YOU BEEN IN BUSINESS? >> Jimmy: I'VE BEEN ON THE AIR 531 00:27:44,931 --> 00:27:45,863 FOR 18 YEARS. >> YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF 532 00:27:45,931 --> 00:27:50,134 YOURSELF! >> Jimmy: YOU'RE RIGHT, I 533 00:27:50,136 --> 00:27:51,735 SHOULD. >> 18 YEARS AND I HAVEN'T BEEN 534 00:27:51,804 --> 00:27:54,672 HERE? I'VE BEEN ON 99% OF THE SHOWS IN 535 00:27:54,740 --> 00:27:57,407 AMERICA. I'VE BEEN ON EVERY SHOW BUT 536 00:27:57,477 --> 00:28:00,210 YOURS, AND I'M HERE. AND I WAS BUMPED LAST WEEK BY 537 00:28:00,279 --> 00:28:02,079 THE BILL PIL LAR GUY. >> Jimmy: RIGHT. 538 00:28:02,148 --> 00:28:05,616 SORRY ABOUT THAT. THE MIAMI GUY. 539 00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:07,217 BY THE WAY, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN INTERESTING. 540 00:28:07,286 --> 00:28:08,953 FIST OF ALL, LET ME SAY I LOVE YOU. 541 00:28:09,021 --> 00:28:12,690 YOU'RE ONE OF MY FAVORITES. SO I AM EMBARRASSED THAT I 542 00:28:12,692 --> 00:28:14,091 HAVEN'T HAD YOU ON. >> THANK YOU. 543 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:16,626 I LOVE YOU TOO. WE HAVE THE SAME POINT OF VIEW. 544 00:28:16,696 --> 00:28:19,563 EVERYTHING YOU TALK ABOUT, EVERYTHING YOU DO, THAT'S MY 545 00:28:19,632 --> 00:28:21,365 POINT OF VIEW. SO THAT'S WHY I'M REALLY HAPPY 546 00:28:21,367 --> 00:28:22,366 TO BE HERE. >> Jimmy: THAT IS VERY 547 00:28:22,435 --> 00:28:26,903 FLATTERING TO ME. I'VE BEEN A BIG FAN OF YOURS FOR 548 00:28:26,973 --> 00:28:28,906 A VERY LONG TIME. AND I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO 549 00:28:28,975 --> 00:28:31,309 THAT TOO MUCH. BUT I DO WANT TO SAY A COUPLE OF 550 00:28:31,377 --> 00:28:36,914 THINGS. FIRST OF ALL, YOU WERE BUMPED 551 00:28:36,983 --> 00:28:38,182 FOR MYPILLOW GUY. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN 552 00:28:38,250 --> 00:28:41,251 ON THE SHOW WITH TOM JONES WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN INTERESTING 553 00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:45,523 BECAUSE YOU USED TO OPEN FOR TOM JONES IN LAS VEGAS, AND YOU 554 00:28:45,525 --> 00:28:47,057 WOULD HAVE BEEN OPENING FOR TOM JONES HERE. 555 00:28:47,126 --> 00:28:49,259 >> OH, NO, I WOULD HAVE COME ON FIRST. 556 00:28:49,328 --> 00:28:52,263 BUT HE IS A GREAT GUY. AND I WAS HOPING FOR THAT TOM 557 00:28:52,331 --> 00:28:54,398 JONES? I DON'T MIND BEING BUMPED BY HIM 558 00:28:54,467 --> 00:28:56,467 BECAUSE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS EVER. 559 00:28:56,469 --> 00:28:59,469 AND THIS GUY TAUGHT ME A LOT ABOUT COMEDY. 560 00:28:59,539 --> 00:29:00,537 AND MOST TIMES. >> Jimmy: WAIT, DID HE TEACH YOU 561 00:29:00,540 --> 00:29:04,408 A LOT ABOUT COMEDY? >> WELL, MOST COMEDIANS HAVE TO 562 00:29:04,477 --> 00:29:05,609 OPEN FOR SINGERS BACK THIS THE DAY. 563 00:29:05,678 --> 00:29:07,411 THEY HAD TO DO 15, 20 MINUTES. >> Jimmy: RIGHT. 564 00:29:07,413 --> 00:29:11,349 >> BUT HE WOULD MAKE ME DO 45. AND THAT'S A LONG TIME. 565 00:29:11,417 --> 00:29:18,089 AND THEY TOLD ME WITH TOM JONES, INTERNATIONAL SUPERSTAR THAT THE 566 00:29:18,091 --> 00:29:20,224 FIRST FIVE HUNDRED LADIES SITTING DOWN FRONT EVERY NIGHT 567 00:29:20,292 --> 00:29:23,160 WOULD NOT BE IN THE AUDIENCE BECAUSE THEY SEE HIM EVERY 568 00:29:23,228 --> 00:29:24,361 NIGHT. >> Jimmy: OH. 569 00:29:24,430 --> 00:29:28,031 >> SO I FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT. YOU KNOW, THOSE LADIES CAME TO 570 00:29:28,101 --> 00:29:30,501 MY SHOW EVERY NIGHT AND SUPPORTED ME EVERY NIGHT. 571 00:29:30,569 --> 00:29:34,238 AND WE DO TWO SHOWS A NIGHT IN CAE 572 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:35,306 CAESAR'S PALACE, AND THEY WOULD BE THERE. 573 00:29:35,308 --> 00:29:38,976 THEY WOULD THROW THEIR UNDERWEAR UP ON STAGE AT ME. 574 00:29:39,045 --> 00:29:41,445 AND I SAY EAT YOUR HEART OUT, TOM JONES! 575 00:29:41,513 --> 00:29:43,780 I WOULD LOVE THAT. IT WOULD BE SO GOOD. 576 00:29:43,850 --> 00:29:47,918 AND HE WOULD BE STANDING BACKSTAGE WAITING FOR ME TO 577 00:29:47,987 --> 00:29:49,653 CLOSE. I GET A STANDING OVATION, 578 00:29:49,722 --> 00:29:51,321 ANOTHER MINUTE AND A HALF. HE DON'T LIKE THAT. 579 00:29:51,390 --> 00:29:53,591 STANDING BEHIND THE STAGE WITH HIS BRITISH ACCENT, GET YOUR 580 00:29:53,593 --> 00:29:57,795 BLACK ASS OFF THE STAGE. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN WORKING WITH 581 00:29:57,863 --> 00:30:00,664 HIM. FOR 5 1/2 YEARS, AND EVERY NIGHT 582 00:30:00,666 --> 00:30:01,999 WE PARTIED WITH HIM. IT'S GREAT WHEN YOU MEET NICE 583 00:30:02,001 --> 00:30:03,934 PEOPLE LIKE TOM JONES. >> Jimmy: I THINK IT'S REALLY 584 00:30:04,003 --> 00:30:07,338 INTERESTING THAT YOU FELT A RESPONSIBILITY TO ENTERTAIN 585 00:30:07,340 --> 00:30:09,940 THOSE FIVE INSANE WOMEN WHO CAME TO EVERY SINGLE TOM JONES SHOW. 586 00:30:10,009 --> 00:30:12,476 THESE ARE PEOPLE THAT PROBABLY SHOULD BE INSTITUTIONALIZED, 587 00:30:12,545 --> 00:30:15,413 YES? >> PROBABLY, BUT IT WAS HELPING 588 00:30:15,481 --> 00:30:19,816 ME AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE I HAD TO DO NEW JOKES EVERY NIGHT. 589 00:30:19,886 --> 00:30:22,286 >> Jimmy: GOT YOU. >> THAT'S WHY I TALK A LOT NOW 590 00:30:22,354 --> 00:30:25,623 AND ENJOY WHAT I DO. HAVE I THE GREATEST JOB IN THE 591 00:30:25,625 --> 00:30:28,225 WORLD, JIMMY. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM 592 00:30:28,294 --> 00:30:30,094 TO BE HERE. GOING THROUGH COVID, THIS IS THE 593 00:30:30,162 --> 00:30:31,962 FIRST TIME I HAD A SUIT ON IN A YEAR. 594 00:30:32,031 --> 00:30:33,296 >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK GOOD. YOU LOOK GOOD. 595 00:30:33,366 --> 00:30:36,367 WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN FRONT OF A GROUP OF PEOPLE 596 00:30:36,435 --> 00:30:37,635 DOING COMEDY? >> THIS IS IT. 597 00:30:37,637 --> 00:30:41,037 THIS IS THE BIGGEST AUDIENCE I'VE WORKED IN A YEAR AND A 598 00:30:41,107 --> 00:30:41,839 HALF. >> Jimmy: IS THAT TRUE? 599 00:30:41,907 --> 00:30:49,847 [ APPLAUSE ] >> AND Y'ALL PAY BEFORE YOU 600 00:30:49,915 --> 00:30:52,449 LEAVE. YOU MUST PAY TO SEE ME. 601 00:30:52,451 --> 00:30:56,186 LISTEN, I'M GETTING ALL HOPPED UP NOW BECAUSE THIS IS REALLY 602 00:30:56,255 --> 00:30:58,522 GOOD TO BE BACK IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE. 603 00:30:58,591 --> 00:31:01,659 YOU HAVEN'T SEEN PEOPLE IN A LONG TIME, I'VE BEEN HOME IN MY 604 00:31:01,661 --> 00:31:04,195 HOUSE. I GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH THE 605 00:31:04,197 --> 00:31:05,196 QUARANTINE. >> Jimmy: RIGHT, YEAH. 606 00:31:05,264 --> 00:31:07,531 >> I WENT BACK TO ATLANTA. I WENT BACK TO THE HOUSE IN 607 00:31:07,533 --> 00:31:11,468 ATLANTA AND I DIDN'T LET ANYBODY IN. 608 00:31:11,537 --> 00:31:14,338 I DIDN'T GIVE DAMN WHO IT WAS. >> Jimmy: REALLY? 609 00:31:14,406 --> 00:31:18,408 >> SARA LEE CAME IN THERE. AND BEN & JERRY. 610 00:31:18,477 --> 00:31:21,878 I HAD THEM. >> Jimmy: THEY'RE WELCOME 611 00:31:21,948 --> 00:31:24,882 ALWAYS. >> JOHNNIE WALKER. 612 00:31:24,950 --> 00:31:27,951 I HAD A FEW PEOPLE. >> Jimmy: BUT NO FAMILY? 613 00:31:28,020 --> 00:31:29,820 NOBODY ALOUD? >> NO, WE WERE SERIOUS ABOUT 614 00:31:29,888 --> 00:31:31,021 THIS. MY FAMILY, EVEN MY DAUGHTER CAME 615 00:31:31,023 --> 00:31:35,358 BY TO VISIT ME IN ATLANTA, AND I LIVE ON THE 25th FLOOR. 616 00:31:35,428 --> 00:31:38,762 AND SHE CAME BY TO VISIT ME AND I WENT OUT ON THE BALCONY AND 617 00:31:38,830 --> 00:31:41,565 WAVED AT HER FROM THE 25th FLOOR. 618 00:31:41,633 --> 00:31:46,837 SOCIAL DISTANCE. KEEP YOUR AS MASS MOVING. 619 00:31:46,906 --> 00:31:49,706 KEEP IT MOVING. I'VE BEEN A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY. 620 00:31:49,775 --> 00:31:51,374 I'VE BEEN TOO CONCERNED ABOUT THIS COVID THING. 621 00:31:51,444 --> 00:31:53,711 >> Jimmy: YEAH. >> I HAVE NO MASK ON NOW. 622 00:31:53,713 --> 00:31:56,179 HAVE I MY MASK WITH ME. AND NOW THEY GOT YOU SNEEZING IN 623 00:31:56,249 --> 00:31:58,916 YOUR ELBOW AND THEN YOU GUYS COME OUT AND BUMP ELBOWS. 624 00:31:58,984 --> 00:32:04,788 WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT? >> Jimmy: YOU NOTICE ALL THAT 625 00:32:04,856 --> 00:32:06,390 KIND OF STUFF. WHY DID YOU BRING YOUR BOOK, 626 00:32:06,458 --> 00:32:08,859 BECAUSE I HAVE THE BOOK ALREADY. WERE YOU WORRIED I WOULDN'T HAVE 627 00:32:08,928 --> 00:32:13,930 A BOOK IN PLACE? AND WHY IS YOURS HARD COVER AND 628 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:15,666 MINE'S SOFT? >> 18 YEARS OF NOT BEING HERE. 629 00:32:15,734 --> 00:32:20,404 [ APPLAUSE ] WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! 630 00:32:20,472 --> 00:32:22,406 >> Jimmy: YEAH, I'M WAITING, I'M WAITING. 631 00:32:22,408 --> 00:32:27,011 >> GO BACK TO THAT AGAIN. WHY IS MINE HARD AND YOURS SOFT? 632 00:32:27,079 --> 00:32:30,547 THAT'S ANOTHER PROBLEM. YOU DON'T LOVE ME ENOUGH. 633 00:32:30,616 --> 00:32:32,749 YOU DON'T LOVE ME ENOUGH. THE DIFFERENCE IN THIS BOOK AND 634 00:32:32,818 --> 00:32:37,287 YOUR BOOK, THIS BOOK, THIS IS A HARD COVER, THIS IS $140. 635 00:32:37,356 --> 00:32:39,490 >> Jimmy: THAT BOOK IS $140? >> YES. 636 00:32:39,492 --> 00:32:42,626 AND MAYBE WHEN I COME BACK MY 14th TIME I'LL GIVE YOU THIS 637 00:32:42,695 --> 00:32:43,894 BOOK. >> Jimmy: OKAY. 638 00:32:43,896 --> 00:32:48,632 >> I DID IT AS A JOKE, JIMMY. I DID IT AS A JOKE BECAUSE 140 639 00:32:48,701 --> 00:32:52,436 CHARACTERS, I WAS CHARGING A DOLLAR PER CHARACTER. 640 00:32:52,438 --> 00:32:55,505 AND THEN THEY UPPED IT. SO ACTUALLY, THE BOOK IS HALF 641 00:32:55,574 --> 00:32:56,774 OFF. >> Jimmy: THIS IS A WORK OF 642 00:32:56,842 --> 00:32:58,041 BRILLIANCE. NOT ONLY ARE THE JOKES FUNNY, 643 00:32:58,110 --> 00:33:02,112 BUT YOU HAVE TAKEN SOMETHING ANYONE WITH A COMPUTER CAN GET 644 00:33:02,181 --> 00:33:03,981 ABSOLUTELY FREE, YOU'VE PRINTED IT. 645 00:33:04,049 --> 00:33:09,586 >> HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! HEY, HEY, HEY! 646 00:33:09,655 --> 00:33:11,522 HEY! >> Jimmy: HAVE I MISSPOKEN? 647 00:33:11,524 --> 00:33:14,391 DID I GET ANYTHING WRONG? >> I KNOW THAT AND YOU KNOW 648 00:33:14,460 --> 00:33:15,659 THAT. THEY DON'T KNOW THAT. 649 00:33:15,727 --> 00:33:19,863 >> Jimmy: OH, THEY DON'T KNOW. I'LL TELL YOU MY FAVORITE THING. 650 00:33:19,932 --> 00:33:23,867 AND I WAS JUST READING THROUGH IT AGAIN AND LAUGHING TO MYSELF 651 00:33:23,936 --> 00:33:28,205 IS WHEN YOU WATCHED E.T. FOR THE FIRST TIME AND LIVE TWEETED THE 652 00:33:28,273 --> 00:33:30,340 WHOLE THING. YOUR REACTIONS TO E.T., SEEING 653 00:33:30,409 --> 00:33:33,744 IT FOR THE FIRST TIME 30 YEARS LATER. 654 00:33:33,812 --> 00:33:36,413 >> 30 YEARS LATER, I'VE BEEN WORKING ALL MY LIFE. 655 00:33:36,482 --> 00:33:41,885 I'VE BEEN BUSY. SINCE 1883, I'VE BEEN COMING A 656 00:33:41,954 --> 00:33:43,354 LONG TIME. I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO WATCH 657 00:33:43,422 --> 00:33:47,223 THE MOVIES BECAUSE LIKE I SAID, I WAS WORKING WITH TOM JONES AND 658 00:33:47,293 --> 00:33:50,160 DIANA ROSS. ALL I EVER WANTED TO DO WAS BE A 659 00:33:50,229 --> 00:33:51,295 COMEDIAN AND OPEN. THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING. 660 00:33:51,363 --> 00:33:56,233 >> Jimmy: YOU'VE BEEN WORKING UPWARDS OF AN HOUR A DAY. 661 00:33:56,235 --> 00:33:58,301 >> 25 YEARS. >> Jimmy: YEARS. 662 00:33:58,371 --> 00:34:01,305 >> SO I JUST GOT TO WATCH THAT, "E.T.." 663 00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:03,573 AND THERE WERE FUNNY THINGS ABOUT BECAUSE I WAS THINKING 664 00:34:03,642 --> 00:34:06,176 ABOUT IT. WHEN WAS THAT MOVIE, '82, '83? 665 00:34:06,245 --> 00:34:11,649 HAD IT HAPPENED TODAY, OOH, MY. CAN YOU IMAGINE E.T.? 666 00:34:11,717 --> 00:34:15,853 THEY BUST A CAP IN HIS ASS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. 667 00:34:15,855 --> 00:34:18,255 LONG DISTANCE TELEPHONE CALLS AND THINGS LIKE THAT. 668 00:34:18,323 --> 00:34:21,458 >> Jimmy: ELLIOTT IS HELL KNOW YOU CAN'T CALL SPACE ON OUR 669 00:34:21,526 --> 00:34:24,128 PHONE, YOU BETTER MAKE A PHONE OUT OF MY OLD [ BLEEP ]. 670 00:34:24,130 --> 00:34:25,462 >> YOU PICKED THE ONE I WAS JUST DOING. 671 00:34:25,530 --> 00:34:33,470 THAT'S PRETTY COOL. SO NOW WITH COVID, I'M CATCHING 672 00:34:33,538 --> 00:34:36,407 UP ON ALL THAT. >> Jimmy: E.T. SAW YODA TRICK OR 673 00:34:36,409 --> 00:34:38,875 TREATING AND THAT WAS ADORABLE. >> I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD USE 674 00:34:38,944 --> 00:34:46,750 THE S WORD ON HERE. >> Jimmy: THEY'LL BLEEP IT OUT. 675 00:34:46,819 --> 00:34:50,287 >> BUT BULLTWIT IS ALMOST SAYING. 676 00:34:50,355 --> 00:34:52,356 >> Jimmy: ALMOST, YES. YOU GET VERY CLOSE. 677 00:34:52,424 --> 00:34:54,425 >> BUT WHAT NOT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT WORD. 678 00:34:54,427 --> 00:34:55,826 >> Jimmy: A VERY IMPORTANT WORD, YES, YES. 679 00:34:55,894 --> 00:35:00,164 >> PEOPLE NEED TO GET THIS BOOK. GO ONLINE. 680 00:35:00,166 --> 00:35:04,234 IT'S GEORGEWALLACE.NET. >> Jimmy: IT'S NOT SOLD ON 681 00:35:04,303 --> 00:35:08,572 AMAZON. IT'S ONLY SOLD AT 682 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,040 GEORGEWALLACE.NET. >> BECAUSE AMAZON TAKES HALF 683 00:35:10,042 --> 00:35:12,176 YOUR MONEY. I WANT ALL MY MONEY. 684 00:35:12,178 --> 00:35:17,381 >> Jimmy: GO TO GEORGEWALLACE.IGEORGEWAL 685 00:35:17,383 --> 00:35:18,449 GEORGEWALLACE.NET, GIVE HIM ALL YOUR MONEY. 686 00:35:18,451 --> 00:35:19,516 >> LOTS TO TALK ABOUT. I WANT TO TALK THAN HOTEL YOU 687 00:35:19,518 --> 00:35:20,584 PUT ME IN. THAT IS SO NICE. 688 00:35:20,652 --> 00:35:24,788 YOU HAD ME A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE ALREADY IN THE ROOM. 689 00:35:24,857 --> 00:35:27,056 >> TWO BOTTLES OF BOTTLED WATER. I DON'T KNOW HOW THE HELL THEY 690 00:35:27,126 --> 00:35:29,660 DO THIS IN LOS ANGELES. BUT THE TWO BOTTLES OF WATER 691 00:35:29,662 --> 00:35:31,795 COST MORE THAN THE BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE. 692 00:35:31,797 --> 00:35:33,997 >> Jimmy: IT'S KIND OF THE SAME THING AS PUTTING YOUR TWEETS IN 693 00:35:34,066 --> 00:35:39,068 A BOOK AND CHARGING $140 FOR IT! >> YOU KNOW I'M ONLY GOING TO 694 00:35:39,138 --> 00:35:40,737 HIT YOU. >> Jimmy: SORRY. 695 00:35:40,739 --> 00:35:43,407 >> I'M GOING TO -- >> Jimmy: THE GREAT GEORGE 696 00:35:43,409 --> 00:35:45,743 WALLACE, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE BACK WITH LUCKY DAYE! 697 00:35:45,811 --> 00:35:48,345 ♪ >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL 698 00:35:49,548 --> 00:35:50,881 LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ. 699 00:35:50,883 --> 00:35:59,156 THE BEST OR NOTHING. >> Jimmy: THIS IS HIS NEW EP OF 700 00:35:59,224 --> 00:36:00,491 DUETS. IT'S CALLED "TABLE FOR TWO." 701 00:36:00,493 --> 00:36:02,893 THE SONG IS CALLED "HOW MUCH CAN A HEART TAKE" WITH A LITTLE HELP 702 00:36:02,895 --> 00:36:14,771 FROM YEBBA, LUCKY DAYE! ♪ 703 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:23,981 ♪ YOU BEEN CHANNELING ENERGY SENDING IT TO ME RIGHT ON 704 00:36:23,983 --> 00:36:27,718 THE LINE OOH YEAH YOU KNOW YOU'RE FINE ♪ 705 00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:31,388 ♪ AND SOMEHOW YOU FIND THE TIME TO WINE AND DINE 706 00:36:31,457 --> 00:36:39,796 YOUR BETTER THAN ME OOH ♪ 707 00:36:39,865 --> 00:36:42,933 ♪ OOH THIS IS TRASH BUT I'M A GIVE IT RIGHT ON BACK CUZ 708 00:36:42,935 --> 00:36:51,007 THAT'S WHAT I BEEN GETTING FROM YOU YEAH LATELY ♪ 709 00:36:51,076 --> 00:36:53,877 ♪ YOU BEEN OUT ON THE BLOCK ACTIN' CRAZY DOIN YOUR THING 710 00:36:53,879 --> 00:36:59,282 AND THEN YOU TURN AROUND AND BLAME IT ON THE MOON ♪ 711 00:36:59,351 --> 00:37:07,291 ♪ JUST CAUSE YOU'RE FEELIN BLUE ♪ 712 00:37:07,359 --> 00:37:13,162 ♪ HOW MUCH CAN A HEART TAKE WHEN FEELINGS CHANGE LIKE 713 00:37:13,232 --> 00:37:28,445 PHASES OF THE MOON OOH YOU FOUND ME IN A HARD SPACE ♪ 714 00:37:28,513 --> 00:37:33,650 ♪ SAY YOU DONE HERE NO PAIN NO PLEASURE 715 00:37:33,718 --> 00:37:41,658 GIRL I TOOK IT ALL OOH YOU TAKE MY MONEY ♪ 716 00:37:41,660 --> 00:37:44,461 ♪ AND I DON'T GET A THING BACK OOH NO PATIENCE 717 00:37:44,463 --> 00:37:52,402 I'M RUNNING OUT HONEY ♪ ♪ OOH THIS IS TRASH BUT I'M 718 00:37:52,471 --> 00:37:54,738 A GIVE IT RIGHT ON BACK CUZ THAT'S WHAT I BEEN GETTING 719 00:37:54,740 --> 00:38:01,545 FROM YOU YEAH LATELY ♪ ♪ YOU BEEN OUT OF YOUR 720 00:38:01,613 --> 00:38:08,885 MIND TRADING LINES LOVING ME BLIND TALKING ABOUT WE 721 00:38:08,954 --> 00:38:13,357 SHOULD TAKE TIME OFF ♪ ♪ JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE FEELING 722 00:38:13,425 --> 00:38:20,964 BLUE ♪ ♪ HOW MUCH CAN A HEART TAKE 723 00:38:21,033 --> 00:38:28,171 WHEN FEELINGS CHANGE LIKE PHASES OF THE MOON OOH YOU 724 00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:37,648 FOUND ME IN A HARD SPACE ♪ ♪ I'M CHANNELING 725 00:38:37,716 --> 00:38:40,450 NEW ENERGY DON'T WANNA HURT 726 00:38:40,519 --> 00:38:43,587 YOU BELIEVE ♪ ♪ I DON'T WANNA 727 00:38:43,589 --> 00:38:46,389 LEARN FROM THE HEAT STAY WITH 728 00:38:46,458 --> 00:38:50,193 ME NATURALLY ♪ ♪ WHO WHO WHO ARE WE ANYWAY 729 00:38:50,262 --> 00:38:56,466 WE CAN'T IGNORE IT BABE WHO WHO WHO DO YOU BETTER WAY 730 00:38:56,535 --> 00:39:07,877 ARE WE JUST OVER IT HEY ♪ ♪ HOW MUCH CAN A HEART TAKE 731 00:39:07,946 --> 00:39:15,886 WHEN FEELINGS CHANGE LIKE PHASES OF THE MOON OOH YOU 732 00:39:15,888 --> 00:39:47,984 FOUND ME IN A HARD SPACE ♪ ♪ 733 00:39:48,053 --> 00:39:51,121 [ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ] >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL 734 00:39:51,189 --> 00:39:53,056 LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ. 735 00:39:53,125 --> 00:39:57,794 THE BEST OR NOTHING. >> Jimmy: THANKS TO EWAN 736 00:39:58,997 --> 00:40:00,463 McGREGOR, GEORGE WALLACE, JAMES ADOMIAN, LUCKY DAYE AND 737 00:40:00,532 --> 00:40:01,665 YEBBA. APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. 738 00:40:01,733 --> 00:40:03,133 TOMORROW NIGHT, HEIDI KLUM AND MIKE EPPS WITH MUSIC FROM 739 00:40:03,135 --> 00:40:04,200 MADNESS. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT. 740 00:40:04,269 --> 00:40:06,003 THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. AND DON'T TELL THE OTHERS, BUT 741 00:40:06,071 --> 00:40:09,072 YOU'RE MY FAVORITE. GOODNIGHT. 742 00:40:12,344 --> 00:40:53,183 ♪ ♪