1 00:00:00,740 --> 00:00:01,630 >> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!" 2 00:00:01,630 --> 00:00:07,803 TONIGHT, ROB MCELHENNEY, UZO ADUBA, AND MUSIC FROM MIDDLE 3 00:00:07,803 --> 00:00:12,674 KIDS. AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL! 4 00:00:12,674 --> 00:00:13,175 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 5 00:00:13,175 --> 00:00:16,678 >> Jimmy: WELL. HOLA. I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST. 6 00:00:16,678 --> 00:00:19,548 THANKS FOR WATCHING AND THANKS FOR JOINING OUTSIDE A VERY 7 00:00:19,548 --> 00:00:22,985 SPECIAL DAY HERE IN LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA. 8 00:00:22,985 --> 00:00:24,953 TODAY IS CINCO DE MAYO. 9 00:00:24,953 --> 00:00:27,255 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 10 00:00:27,255 --> 00:00:30,125 THAT'S RIGHT. MOST AMERICANS THINK CINCO DE 11 00:00:30,125 --> 00:00:35,130 MAYO IS MEXICAN INDEPENDENCE DAY, BUT IT'S NOT. IT IS ‐‐ 12 00:00:35,130 --> 00:00:36,665 GUILLE GUILLERMO, SHOULD I EXPLAIN? 13 00:00:36,665 --> 00:00:39,401 >> Guillermo: YES. YOU'RE THE OWNER, YEAH. 14 00:00:39,401 --> 00:00:39,734 [ LAUGHTER ] 15 00:00:39,734 --> 00:00:40,902 >> Jimmy: CINCO DE MAYO IS THE DAY WHITE PEOPLE AND THEIR 16 00:00:40,902 --> 00:00:44,673 COWORKERS ORDER MARGARITAS AT CHILI'S. 17 00:00:44,673 --> 00:00:45,006 [ LAUGHTER ] 18 00:00:45,006 --> 00:00:45,407 [ APPLAUSE ] 19 00:00:45,407 --> 00:00:46,975 ACTUALLY, NO. THIS IS A HISTORICALLY IMPORTANT 20 00:00:46,975 --> 00:00:48,744 DAY FOR ALL NORTH AMERICANS. IT CELEBRATES MEXICO BEATING 21 00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:50,212 BACK THE FRENCH AT THE BATTLE OF PUEBLA. 22 00:00:50,212 --> 00:00:54,950 IF THE FRENCH HAD WON THAT BATTLE, THEY WOULD HAVE LIKELY 23 00:00:54,950 --> 00:00:57,539 ALLIED WITH THE CONFEDERACY AND HELPED THE SOUTH WIN THE CIVIL 24 00:00:57,539 --> 00:00:59,641 WAR. JUST WANTED TO MENTION THAT, BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE LATELY 25 00:00:59,641 --> 00:01:01,610 NEED A REMINDER THAT THE SOUTH DIDN'T WIN THE CIVIL WAR. 26 00:01:01,610 --> 00:01:03,512 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 27 00:01:03,512 --> 00:01:08,383 SO WE HAVE A DEBT TO MEXICO FOR THAT. 28 00:01:08,383 --> 00:01:10,652 GUILLERMO, WILL YOU BE PERMITTED TO DRINK AT HOME TONIGHT? 29 00:01:10,652 --> 00:01:13,388 >> Guillermo: YES, A LITTLE BIT, BUT I WILL. 30 00:01:13,388 --> 00:01:14,890 >> Jimmy: SPECIAL OCCASION? 31 00:01:14,890 --> 00:01:15,390 >> Guillermo: YES. 32 00:01:15,390 --> 00:01:18,026 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, VERY GOOD. IT'S KIND OF FUNNY, THOUGH THAT 33 00:01:18,026 --> 00:01:22,097 WE MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT OF CINCO DE MAYO, MEXICO DOESN'T. 34 00:01:22,097 --> 00:01:23,398 IT WOULD BE LIKE FINDING OUT THE CANADIANS GET HAMMERED ON FLAG 35 00:01:23,398 --> 00:01:24,433 DAY. 36 00:01:24,433 --> 00:01:24,766 [ LAUGHTER ] 37 00:01:24,766 --> 00:01:27,135 OF COURSE THE BIG ITEM IN THE NEWS TODAY, THE MAJOR 38 00:01:27,135 --> 00:01:31,573 INTERNATIONAL STORY IS, THE ARTIST NOW FORMERLY KNOWN AS 39 00:01:31,573 --> 00:01:33,942 DIDDY, AND ABOUT 200 OTHER THINGS, IS ONCE AGAIN CHANGING 40 00:01:33,942 --> 00:01:36,345 HIS NAME. LEGALLY THIS TIME. AND HE'S GOT A DRIVER'S LICENSE 41 00:01:36,345 --> 00:01:42,084 TO PROVE IT. P. SEAN "DIDDY" DADDY POSTED 42 00:01:42,084 --> 00:01:46,521 THIS PHOTO OF HIS ACTUAL FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE WITH HIS NEW 43 00:01:46,521 --> 00:01:49,124 MIDDLE NAME TODAY, WHICH IS "LOVE." 44 00:01:49,124 --> 00:01:50,592 HIS NAME IS NOW SEAN LOVE COMBS. I LIKE IT. 45 00:01:50,592 --> 00:02:00,135 IT WOULD BE FUNNIER IF IT WAS 46 00:02:00,135 --> 00:02:01,003 SEAN LOVE HONEY COMBS, BUT ‐‐ 47 00:02:01,003 --> 00:02:02,504 [ LAUGHTER ] 48 00:02:02,504 --> 00:02:04,740 WHO EVEN KNEW FLORIDA HAD DRIVER'S LICENSES? 49 00:02:04,740 --> 00:02:09,211 BY THE WAY, WE HAD TO BLUR SOME OF THE INFORMATION OUT, BUT BUT 50 00:02:09,211 --> 00:02:12,481 THAT BACK OUT THERE. SEAN LOVE COMBS DID NOT. 51 00:02:12,481 --> 00:02:14,750 HE POSTED HIS ADDRESS, HIS LICENSE NUMBER, EVERYTHING. 52 00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:16,151 ALL WE NEED NOW IS THE ROUTING INFO FOR HIS CHECKING ACCOUNT, 53 00:02:16,151 --> 00:02:17,386 AND HIS MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME. WE'LL HAVE EVERYTHING. 54 00:02:17,386 --> 00:02:22,157 ALTHOUGH BY THE TIME WE GET IT, HE'LL PROBABLY CHANGE HIS NAME 55 00:02:22,157 --> 00:02:25,527 AGAIN. HE'S GONE BY DIDDY, P. DIDDY, 56 00:02:25,527 --> 00:02:33,201 PUFF DADDY, PUFF, 57 00:02:33,201 --> 00:02:34,269 PUFFY, PUFFLEUPAGUS I THINK, AND NOW SEAN LOVE COMBS. 58 00:02:34,269 --> 00:02:35,504 HE GOES THROUGH NAMES FASTER THAN MOST OF US GO THROUGH 59 00:02:35,504 --> 00:02:38,373 ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH HEADS. SO THERE YOU HAVE IT. 60 00:02:38,373 --> 00:02:40,609 THE '90s REALLY ARE BACK. IF YOU WERE DOUBTING THEY 61 00:02:40,609 --> 00:02:41,009 WEREN'T, THEY ARE. 62 00:02:41,009 --> 00:02:45,514 [ LAUGHTER ] 63 00:02:45,514 --> 00:02:46,715 FACEBOOK TODAY ‐‐ ARE PEOPLE STILL ON FACEBOOK? 64 00:02:46,715 --> 00:02:51,486 FACEBOOK UPHELD THEIR BAN OF DONALD TRUMP TODAY ‐‐ 65 00:02:51,486 --> 00:02:51,987 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 66 00:02:51,987 --> 00:02:54,890 AT LEAST FOR ANOTHER SIX MONTHS. ACCORDING TO THEIR OVERSIGHT 67 00:02:54,890 --> 00:02:58,627 BOARD, THEY DELIBERATED AND DECIDED FOR THE TIME BEING TRUMP 68 00:02:58,627 --> 00:03:01,129 WILL CONTINUE TO BE BLOCKED ON FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM, AND IN BED 69 00:03:01,129 --> 00:03:03,565 WITH MELANIA, WHICH IS A WEIRD THING FOR THEM TO THROW IN. 70 00:03:03,565 --> 00:03:05,033 [ LAUGHTER ] 71 00:03:05,033 --> 00:03:06,335 THIS HAS TO BE DRIVING HIM NUTS. IF TRUMP RUNS FOR PRESIDENT 72 00:03:06,335 --> 00:03:08,136 AGAIN, HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO GO DOOR‐TO‐DOOR TALKING TO VOTERS 73 00:03:08,136 --> 00:03:09,237 LIKE A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS. 74 00:03:09,237 --> 00:03:09,571 [ LAUGHTER ] 75 00:03:09,571 --> 00:03:11,239 "HELLO, MY NAME IS DONALD. HAVE YOU HEARD THE BAD NEWS 76 00:03:11,239 --> 00:03:13,542 ABOUT MEXICANS?" 77 00:03:13,542 --> 00:03:16,611 [ LAUGHTER ] 78 00:03:16,611 --> 00:03:19,781 TRUMP HAS BEEN BANNED FROM FACEBOOK SINCE JANUARY 7th, 79 00:03:19,781 --> 00:03:21,216 HIS PUNISHMENT FOR TRYING TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT IS THE 80 00:03:21,216 --> 00:03:26,922 SAME YOU GIVE A TEENAGER FOR COMING HOME LATE AFTER CURFEW, 81 00:03:26,922 --> 00:03:27,723 NO SOCIAL MEDIA FOR YOU! 82 00:03:27,723 --> 00:03:28,824 [ LAUGHTER ] 83 00:03:28,824 --> 00:03:30,092 WHICH IS KIND OF SAD BECAUSE TODAY MARKS THE FIVE YEAR 84 00:03:30,092 --> 00:03:32,127 ANNIVERSARY OF WHAT I BELIEVE TO BE ONE OF HIS GREATEST POSTS OF 85 00:03:32,127 --> 00:03:39,968 ALL‐TIME. "HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO! THE BEST TACO BOWLS ARE MADE IN 86 00:03:39,968 --> 00:03:43,972 TRUMP TOWER GRILL. I LOVE HISPANICS!" 87 00:03:43,972 --> 00:03:44,673 [ LAUGHTER ] 88 00:03:44,673 --> 00:03:45,040 [ APPLAUSE ] 89 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,075 THAT'S A TWEET THAT REALLY HAS IT ALL. 90 00:03:47,075 --> 00:03:49,411 IT'S GOT AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR HIS OWN RESTAURANT. 91 00:03:49,411 --> 00:03:53,382 HE BRAZENLY AND RIDICULOUSLY TRIES TO PANDER TO HISPANICS. 92 00:03:53,382 --> 00:03:56,918 IT'S GOT A PILE OF FOOD. IT'S GOT A GOLF TROPHY THERE FOR 93 00:03:56,918 --> 00:03:58,453 SOME REASON. AND A SMILE THAT SAYS, IT'S MY 94 00:03:58,453 --> 00:03:58,787 4th BIRTHDAY. 95 00:03:58,787 --> 00:04:01,623 [ LAUGHTER ] 96 00:04:01,623 --> 00:04:05,894 A NUMBER OF TRUMPUBLICANS WEIGHED IN ON HIS FACEBOOK 97 00:04:05,894 --> 00:04:08,397 BAN INCLUDING QANON‐GRESSWOMAN LAUREN BOEBERT WHO TWEETED, 98 00:04:08,397 --> 00:04:09,531 "THIS MORNING, FACEBOOK BANNED TRUMP PERMANENTLY. 99 00:04:09,531 --> 00:04:15,203 FACEBOOK WILL PAY THE PRICE. MARK MY WORDS." 100 00:04:15,203 --> 00:04:16,605 THEN SHE ALMOST IMMEDIATELY DELETED THE TWEET. 101 00:04:16,605 --> 00:04:18,173 NOTHING SAYS "MARK MY WORDS!" LIKE IMMEDIATELY DELETING THOSE 102 00:04:18,173 --> 00:04:20,575 WORDS. 103 00:04:20,575 --> 00:04:21,543 [ LAUGHTER ] 104 00:04:21,543 --> 00:04:22,477 [ APPLAUSE ] 105 00:04:22,477 --> 00:04:24,279 TRUMP IS LIKE A BULLHORN WITHOUT BATTERIES RIGHT NOW. 106 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:29,618 BUT HE IS TRYING TO CHANGE THAT WITH A NEW PAGE ON HIS WEBSITE 107 00:04:29,618 --> 00:04:32,654 AND A HIGH‐END NEW VIDEO TO PROMOTE IT. 108 00:04:32,654 --> 00:04:35,891 >> TWITTER PERMANENTLY BANNING THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF'S 109 00:04:35,891 --> 00:04:36,525 PERSONAL ACCOUNT WITH 88 MILLION 110 00:04:36,525 --> 00:04:45,100 FOLLOWERS. 111 00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:45,500 ♪ 112 00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:48,437 ♪ 113 00:04:48,437 --> 00:04:56,044 ♪ 114 00:04:56,044 --> 00:05:00,449 >> Jimmy: YOU SEE? IT SHOULD SAY "SAVE AMERICA FROM 115 00:05:00,449 --> 00:05:03,318 PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP." BUT IT'S A SLOGAN NOW. 116 00:05:03,318 --> 00:05:05,253 TRUMP CALLS THIS A PLATFORM, BUT IT'S REALLY JUST A WEBSITE THAT 117 00:05:05,253 --> 00:05:08,523 HE CALLS "A PLACE TO SPEAK FREELY AND SAFELY." 118 00:05:08,523 --> 00:05:12,427 THERE'S ONLY ONE PROBLEM, THE SITE DOESN'T ALLOW ANY REPLIES 119 00:05:12,427 --> 00:05:14,362 OR COMMENTS OR LIKES. THE ONLY PERSON SPEAKING FREELY 120 00:05:14,362 --> 00:05:19,501 OR EVEN AT ALL, IS HIM. FINALLY HE CAN SPEAK FREELY AND 121 00:05:19,501 --> 00:05:23,271 SAFELY WITH HIMSELF ON HIS NEW ‐‐ I'M NOT 100% SURE BUT I 122 00:05:23,271 --> 00:05:26,942 THINK HE JUST STARTED A BLOG, REALLY, IS ALL HE DID. 123 00:05:26,942 --> 00:05:30,979 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 124 00:05:30,979 --> 00:05:33,248 A LOT OF HIS CHAMBERMAIDS DEFENDED HIM TODAY. 125 00:05:33,248 --> 00:05:38,820 TED CRUZ WROTE, "DISGRACEFUL." AND BOY WOULD HE KNOW 126 00:05:38,820 --> 00:05:40,355 DISGRACEFUL. SWEATY TEDDY POSTED THIS LAST 127 00:05:40,355 --> 00:05:42,858 NIGHT. "HAD A GREAT DINNER TONIGHT WITH 128 00:05:42,858 --> 00:05:43,992 PRESIDENT TRUMP AT MAR‐A‐LAGO. HE'S IN GREAT SPIRITS! 129 00:05:43,992 --> 00:05:45,994 WE SPENT THE EVENING TALKING ABOUT WORKING TOGETHER TO 130 00:05:45,994 --> 00:05:50,565 RE‐TAKE THE HOUSE AND SENATE IN 2022." 131 00:05:50,565 --> 00:05:52,734 LET'S LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH A LITTLE BIT MORE CLOSELY. 132 00:05:52,734 --> 00:05:55,203 FIRST OF ALL, LOOK AT TRUMP'S BODY LANGUAGE. 133 00:05:55,203 --> 00:05:57,205 HE SO IS READY TO GO, HIS ASS IS HALF OFF THE SEAT. 134 00:05:57,205 --> 00:05:59,007 [ LAUGHTER ] 135 00:05:59,007 --> 00:06:03,812 THERE'S NOT A CHANCE THESE TWO "HAD DINNER." 136 00:06:03,812 --> 00:06:08,116 HE GAVE TED CRUZ COUGH FEE COFFEE AND A GLASS OF WATER AND 137 00:06:08,116 --> 00:06:09,684 SENT HIM TO THE MARRIOTT DOWN THE STREET. 138 00:06:09,684 --> 00:06:11,153 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 139 00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:12,988 THAT TABLE IS WHERE THEY SEAT YOU AT A WEDDING IN HELL. 140 00:06:12,988 --> 00:06:13,355 WITH THOSE TWO. 141 00:06:13,355 --> 00:06:15,790 [ LAUGHTER ] 142 00:06:15,790 --> 00:06:17,425 TWITTER IS ROLLING OUT A NEW THING. 143 00:06:17,425 --> 00:06:19,494 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU NOTICED THIS. TWITTER HAS A FEATURE NOW THAT 144 00:06:19,494 --> 00:06:21,563 WILL DOUBLE‐CHECK WITH YOU BEFORE YOU POST A MEAN OR 145 00:06:21,563 --> 00:06:26,601 OFFENSIVE COMMENT. THE WAY IT WORKS IS AFTER YOU 146 00:06:26,601 --> 00:06:30,038 WRITE YOUR TWEET, IF IT DETECTS ANYTHING UNTOWARD, YOU GET A 147 00:06:30,038 --> 00:06:34,509 MESSAGE THAT SAYS "WANT TO REVIEW THIS BEFORE TWEETING? 148 00:06:34,509 --> 00:06:37,112 WE'RE ASKING PEOPLE TO REVIEW REPLIES WITH POTENTIALLY HARMFUL 149 00:06:37,112 --> 00:06:41,483 OR OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE." AND THEN YOU HAVE TO DECIDE IF 150 00:06:41,483 --> 00:06:43,051 YOU STILL WANT TO TWEET WHAT YOU WROTE. 151 00:06:43,051 --> 00:06:46,021 SOME PEOPLE ARE EXCITED ABOUT IT. SOME PEOPLE WANT TO GET ON THE 152 00:06:46,021 --> 00:06:47,589 LIST. THIS WAS THE ONE COMMENT ON A 153 00:06:47,589 --> 00:06:49,991 TECHCRUNCH ARTICLE ABOUT THIS. "CAN WE GET "NAZIFUR" ADDED TO 154 00:06:49,991 --> 00:06:53,528 THE TOXICITY LIST?" IT'S USED BY FURRYS WHO WANT TO 155 00:06:53,528 --> 00:06:57,599 DEMONIZE OTHER FURRYS WHO THEY HATE AND IT CAUSES THEM 156 00:06:57,599 --> 00:06:58,200 IRREPARABLE REPUTATIONAL HARM. 157 00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:58,900 [ LAUGHTER ] 158 00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:03,205 THAT'S RIGHT. IT CAUSES HARM TO THE 159 00:07:03,205 --> 00:07:08,677 REPUTATIONS OF THOSE OF US WHO LIKE TO GET A HANDY IN A 160 00:07:08,677 --> 00:07:09,811 SQUIRREL COSTUME. 161 00:07:09,811 --> 00:07:10,412 [ LAUGHTER ] 162 00:07:10,412 --> 00:07:14,416 I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T THINK I LIKE THIS NEW 163 00:07:14,416 --> 00:07:15,550 THING. TWITTER, WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO 164 00:07:15,550 --> 00:07:21,556 MAKE THEIR LIVING READING MEAN TWEETS ON TELEVISION? 165 00:07:21,556 --> 00:07:22,057 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 166 00:07:22,057 --> 00:07:23,458 DID ANYONE STOP TO THINK OF THEM? YOU KNOW BEFORE TWITTER, PEOPLE 167 00:07:23,458 --> 00:07:25,860 HAD TO MOVE TO L. A. TO FIND MEAN PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT 168 00:07:25,860 --> 00:07:26,795 THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT. 169 00:07:26,795 --> 00:07:29,898 [ LAUGHTER ] 170 00:07:29,898 --> 00:07:32,801 SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT, 171 00:07:32,801 --> 00:07:35,370 ERIC TRUMP WAS ON "HANNITY" LAST NIGHT. 172 00:07:35,370 --> 00:07:36,738 HE'S APPARENTLY STILL WELCOME THERE. 173 00:07:36,738 --> 00:07:37,872 WHILE HE WAS THERE HE RATTLED ON 174 00:07:37,872 --> 00:07:45,313 ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE THINGS ARE 175 00:07:45,313 --> 00:07:50,218 >> LUMBER IS GOING THROUGH THE ROOF, THE PRICE OF TWO BY FOURS, 176 00:07:50,218 --> 00:07:53,622 $3 UNDER MY FATHER, NOW $9, $10. A PERSON WANTS TO BUILD A DECK, 177 00:07:53,622 --> 00:07:58,426 IT COSTS THEM 4,000 BUCKS WHEN IT NEVER DID BEFORE. 178 00:07:58,426 --> 00:08:01,630 >> Jimmy: HEAR THAT? ERIC TRUMP CAN'T GET WOOD 179 00:08:01,630 --> 00:08:01,995 ANYMORE. 180 00:08:01,995 --> 00:08:02,328 [ LAUGHTER ] 181 00:08:02,328 --> 00:08:02,661 GO ON. 182 00:08:02,661 --> 00:08:06,735 >> YOU'RE NOT SEEING THAT, YOU'RE SEEING A SLEEPY, QUIET, 183 00:08:06,735 --> 00:08:08,270 RATHER BORING ADMINISTRATION IN THERE. 184 00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:10,739 LOVE HIM OR NOT, YOU KNOW, THE ONE THING THAT NO AMERICAN WILL 185 00:08:10,739 --> 00:08:13,341 EVER SAY IS THAT DONALD TRUMP DIDN'T GO TO WAR FOR THIS 186 00:08:13,341 --> 00:08:14,576 COUNTRY EVERY SINGLE DAY. 187 00:08:14,576 --> 00:08:17,812 >> Jimmy: NO, NO. HE WENT TO WAR WITH THIS COUNTRY 188 00:08:17,812 --> 00:08:19,948 EVERY SINGLE DAY. 189 00:08:19,948 --> 00:08:20,281 [ APPLAUSE ] 190 00:08:20,281 --> 00:08:22,183 I LOVE THEIR NEW COMPLAINT IS THAT THE PRESIDENT IS BORING. 191 00:08:22,183 --> 00:08:24,286 AS IF THIS IS A NEW SEASON OF "OZARK" OR SOMETHING. 192 00:08:24,286 --> 00:08:26,821 [ LAUGHTER ] 193 00:08:26,821 --> 00:08:28,556 WE'RE NOW MIDWAY THROUGH NATIONAL TEACHER APPRECIATION 194 00:08:28,556 --> 00:08:32,360 WEEK. AND THIS IS HOW THEY SHOWED APPRECIATION THIS MORNING ON 195 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:37,532 "FOX & FRIENDS." BRIAN KILMEADE HAD ON A GROUP OF 196 00:08:37,532 --> 00:08:39,668 KIDS WHO HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO GO TO SCHOOL BECAUSE OF COVID 197 00:08:39,668 --> 00:08:42,604 RESTRICTIONS. AND HE DIDN'T EXACTLY GET WHAT 198 00:08:42,604 --> 00:08:44,406 HE WAS EXPECTING, AT LEAST FROM ONE KID. 199 00:08:44,406 --> 00:08:48,576 >> WE'RE VERY, VERY CLOSE TO GETTING BACK TO SCHOOL. 200 00:08:48,576 --> 00:08:52,847 AND I THINK THAT THE WAY THAT OUR NEW PRESIDENT IS HANDLING 201 00:08:52,847 --> 00:08:56,951 THINGS IS A VERY GOOD WAY. AND WE WOULD NOT HAVE GONE TO 202 00:08:56,951 --> 00:08:59,587 THIS IF IT WERE STILL THE LAST PRESIDENT. 203 00:08:59,587 --> 00:09:00,689 >> REALLY? THAT'S HARD TO BELIEVE, BECAUSE 204 00:09:00,689 --> 00:09:04,759 THE LAST PRESIDENT WAS SAYING, I WANT EVERY KID BACK IN SCHOOL. 205 00:09:04,759 --> 00:09:08,663 >> Jimmy: STICK TO THE SCRIPT, KID, YOU'LL GET ME IN TROUBLE! 206 00:09:08,663 --> 00:09:10,632 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 207 00:09:10,632 --> 00:09:12,934 >> Jimmy: I'LL BE ON "ACCESS HOLLYWOOD" BEFORE THE END OF THE 208 00:09:12,934 --> 00:09:15,503 SHOW! I LOVE THAT. FOUR PEOPLE WITH A SIXTH GRADE 209 00:09:15,503 --> 00:09:17,405 EDUCATION SITTING AROUND HAVING A CONVERSATION. 210 00:09:17,405 --> 00:09:20,475 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 211 00:09:20,475 --> 00:09:21,743 AS MORE AMERICANS GET VACCINATED, MASK USE IS GOING 212 00:09:21,743 --> 00:09:24,446 DOWN. FEWER PEOPLE ARE WEARING MASKS. 213 00:09:24,446 --> 00:09:31,453 VACCINATED PEOPLE ARE WEARING MASKS LESS, WHICH MAKES SENSE. 214 00:09:31,453 --> 00:09:34,522 UNVACCINATED PEOPLE ARE ALSO NOT WEARING MASKS OUTSIDE. 215 00:09:34,522 --> 00:09:37,892 LESS THAN HALF OF UNVACCINATED AMERICANS SAY THEY'RE WEARING 216 00:09:37,892 --> 00:09:39,761 MASKS NOW. THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. 217 00:09:39,761 --> 00:09:41,062 THAT'S LIKE, "BABY, WE DON'T NEED CONDOMS ANYMORE. 218 00:09:41,062 --> 00:09:42,464 MY BUDDY JEFF JUST GOT A VASECTOMY." 219 00:09:42,464 --> 00:09:45,800 [ LAUGHTER ] 220 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,636 IT DOESN'T APPLY TO YOU. WE HAVE COME A LONG WAY SINCE A 221 00:09:48,636 --> 00:09:54,909 YEAR AGO THANKS TO PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW SCIENCE AND SCIENTISTS 222 00:09:54,909 --> 00:09:57,045 AND DOCTORS AND ARE GENERALLY LOOKING OUT FOR THEIR FELLOW MAN. 223 00:09:57,045 --> 00:09:59,247 FOR ANYONE WHO THOUGHT THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION HAD ANY 224 00:09:59,247 --> 00:10:02,016 OF THIS FIGURED OUT, I WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU THAT THEY 225 00:10:02,016 --> 00:10:07,155 MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT, IN A NEW HISTORY."F "THIS WEEK IN COVID ‐ 226 00:10:07,155 --> 00:10:13,027 >> THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY, AS WE BEGIN MAY 2020, PRESIDENT 227 00:10:13,027 --> 00:10:14,863 TRUMP SOOTHES AN AILING NATION. 228 00:10:14,863 --> 00:10:17,732 >> IT'S ALL WORKING OUT. IT'S ALL WORKING OUT. 229 00:10:17,732 --> 00:10:21,002 IT'S HORRIBLE THAT WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT BUT IT'S ALL WORKING 230 00:10:21,002 --> 00:10:21,367 OUT. 231 00:10:21,367 --> 00:10:24,105 >> YES, EVERYTHING IS GOING GANGBUSTERS. 232 00:10:24,105 --> 00:10:27,208 IF ONLY THE MEAN OLD MEDIA WAS ON BOARD. 233 00:10:27,208 --> 00:10:30,712 >> I AM GREETED WITH A HOSTILE PRESS, THE LIKES OF WHICH NO 234 00:10:30,712 --> 00:10:33,248 PRESIDENT HAS EVER SEEN. THEY ALWAYS SAID NOBODY GOT 235 00:10:33,248 --> 00:10:35,683 TREATED WORSE THAN LINCOLN. I BELIEVE I AM TREATED WORSE. 236 00:10:35,683 --> 00:10:39,921 >> PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS, ABE. OH, YES. THAT. 237 00:10:39,921 --> 00:10:42,557 AND LET'S NOT FORGET WHO THIS HURTS MOST. 238 00:10:42,557 --> 00:10:45,827 >> TO THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE LOST SOMEONE, THERE'S NOBODY THAT'S 239 00:10:45,827 --> 00:10:46,895 TAKEN IT HARDER THAN ME. 240 00:10:46,895 --> 00:10:51,466 >> NOBODY'S TAKEN IT HARDER. OR GOTTEN OVER IT FASTER. 241 00:10:51,466 --> 00:10:55,036 >> WE'RE OPENING UP OUR COUNTRY AGAIN, AND THIS IS WHAT WE'RE 242 00:10:55,036 --> 00:10:57,272 DOING. A REOPENING OF OUR COUNTRY, WHO 243 00:10:57,272 --> 00:11:00,074 WOULD HAVE EVER THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO BE SAYING THAT? 244 00:11:00,074 --> 00:11:01,176 REOPENING, REOPENING. 245 00:11:01,176 --> 00:11:04,913 >> AMERICA'S BACK IN BUSINESS! BUT NOT EVERYONE LOVES THE PLAN. 246 00:11:04,913 --> 00:11:06,681 NAMELY A NEFARIOUS GANG NAMED ‐‐ 247 00:11:06,681 --> 00:11:07,382 >> THE EXPERTS. 248 00:11:07,382 --> 00:11:09,918 >> THE EXPERTS. 249 00:11:09,918 --> 00:11:13,588 >> THE "EXPERTS." HOITY TOITY BRAINIACS WHO THINK 250 00:11:13,588 --> 00:11:14,989 THEY KNOW BETTER THAN US. 251 00:11:14,989 --> 00:11:17,692 >> LISTENING TO THE EXPERTS BEING WRONG ON EVERYTHING. 252 00:11:17,692 --> 00:11:19,727 >> DON'T THESE EXPERTS TRUST THE AMERICAN PEOPLE? 253 00:11:19,727 --> 00:11:22,931 >> THE EXPERTS HAVE BEEN TELLING US HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF 254 00:11:22,931 --> 00:11:24,399 PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE. 255 00:11:24,399 --> 00:11:28,102 >> YEAH, THOSE STUPID EXPERTS. 256 00:11:28,102 --> 00:11:29,137 [ LAUGHTER ] 257 00:11:29,137 --> 00:11:32,540 NOW IT'S TIME FOR LAURA INGRAM'S ANALOGY CORNER. 258 00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:37,078 >> AS ONE INFECTIOUS DISEASE DOC TOLD ME, TRYING TO STOP THIS 259 00:11:37,078 --> 00:11:40,348 VIRUS WITH SOCIAL DISTANCING IS LIKE DRYING TO DRIVE A NAIL 260 00:11:40,348 --> 00:11:41,483 THROUGH JELL‐O. 261 00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:43,451 >> GREAT ONE, LAURA, WHAT NECESSARILY. 262 00:11:43,451 --> 00:11:47,655 >> THERE'S MORE THAN AMPLE EVIDENCE HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE 263 00:11:47,655 --> 00:11:48,022 SAVES LIVES. 264 00:11:48,022 --> 00:11:48,656 >> RIGHT. 265 00:11:48,656 --> 00:11:51,826 >> NOW THEY'RE SAYING 120,000, 134,000 COULD DIE BY COVID BY 266 00:11:51,826 --> 00:11:52,160 AUGUST, WHAT? 267 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:56,764 >> YEAH. WHAT? WE'RE NOT GOING TO HIT THOSE 268 00:11:56,764 --> 00:12:02,337 NUMBERS UNTIL ‐‐ JUNE. BUT IN THE MEANTIME, IT'S TIME 269 00:12:02,337 --> 00:12:04,405 TO GET BACK TO WHAT REALLY MATTERS. 270 00:12:04,405 --> 00:12:07,108 >> I WOULD HOPE THAT WITHIN MAYBE THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS 271 00:12:07,108 --> 00:12:08,042 WE'LL BE ABLE TO DO RALLIES. 272 00:12:08,042 --> 00:12:11,513 >> YES, RALLIES! LET'S GET OUT THERE AND SPREAD 273 00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:14,349 UNTIL WE'RE DEAD! THIS HAS BEEN "THIS WEEK IN 274 00:12:14,349 --> 00:12:15,750 COVID HISTORY." 275 00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:18,520 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 276 00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:21,322 >> Jimmy: THEY KILLED HERMAN CAIN AT THOSE RALLIES. 277 00:12:21,322 --> 00:12:22,557 WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. UZO ADUBA IS HERE. 278 00:12:22,557 --> 00:12:23,324 WE'VE GOT MUSIC FROM MIDDLE KIDS. 279 00:12:23,324 --> 00:12:34,081 AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ROB MCELHENNEY. 280 00:12:36,192 --> 00:12:37,077 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 281 00:12:37,077 --> 00:12:39,350 ♪ 282 00:12:39,350 --> 00:12:42,010 >> Jimmy: HEY, WELCOME BACK. HAPPY CINCO DiMAIO. 283 00:12:42,010 --> 00:12:44,146 TONIGHT, FROM "IN TREATMENT" ON HBO UZO ADUBA IS HERE. 284 00:12:44,146 --> 00:12:46,648 THEN LATER, A FUN BAND FROM SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA, THEIR ALBUM 285 00:12:46,648 --> 00:12:48,584 IS CALLED "TODAY WE'RE THE GREATEST," MUSIC FROM MIDDLE 286 00:12:48,584 --> 00:12:51,019 KIDS. 287 00:12:51,019 --> 00:12:52,788 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 288 00:12:52,788 --> 00:12:55,357 TOMORROW NIGHT, JULIANNA MARGULIES AND DANIEL DAY KIM 289 00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:59,294 WILL JOIN US, WITH MUSIC FROM AMETHYST KEY‐AH. 290 00:12:59,294 --> 00:13:01,263 PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT TOO. YOU KNOW OUR FIRST GUEST FROM 291 00:13:01,263 --> 00:13:06,301 14 SEASONS OF "IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA." 292 00:13:06,301 --> 00:13:11,473 NOW HE'S TAKEN ON ANOTHER VERY FUNNY SHOW, SEASON 2 OF "MYTHIC 293 00:13:11,473 --> 00:13:13,508 QUEST" PREMIERES FRIDAY ON APPLE 294 00:13:13,508 --> 00:13:21,249 PLEASE WELCOME ROB McELHENNEY! 295 00:13:21,249 --> 00:13:21,750 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 296 00:13:21,750 --> 00:13:27,956 ♪ 297 00:13:27,956 --> 00:13:34,930 >> GUILLERMO, HOW ARE YOU? WELL, HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO. 298 00:13:34,930 --> 00:13:37,699 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, YOU TOO. LOOK AT THAT, YOU CAME PREPARED. 299 00:13:37,699 --> 00:13:40,102 >> I DID. I MAKE A SHOW ABOUT A BAR. 300 00:13:40,102 --> 00:13:40,636 >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT. 301 00:13:40,636 --> 00:13:43,639 >> IT IS CINCO DE MAYO, THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ON THE SHOW ‐‐ 302 00:13:43,639 --> 00:13:44,139 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 303 00:13:44,139 --> 00:13:47,109 >> Jimmy: I KNOW, THAT'S CRAZY. IT REALLY SURPRISES ME, IT'S 304 00:13:47,109 --> 00:13:47,909 YOUR FIRST TIME HERE. 305 00:13:47,909 --> 00:13:52,214 >> IT'S THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE INVITED ME. 306 00:13:52,214 --> 00:13:52,681 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 307 00:13:52,681 --> 00:13:53,949 >> Jimmy: IS IT REALLY? THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE TRUE. 308 00:13:53,949 --> 00:13:56,985 >> SO I THOUGHT ‐‐ IF YOU WOULD, I WOULD LOVE TO START OFF THE 309 00:13:56,985 --> 00:13:58,687 SHOW WITH A SHOT OF TEQUILA. 310 00:13:58,687 --> 00:13:59,187 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 311 00:13:59,187 --> 00:14:00,522 >> Jimmy: WELL, I'VE NEVER SAID ‐‐ 312 00:14:00,522 --> 00:14:03,392 >> Guillermo: YEAH, LET'S DO IT, RIGHT, YEAH! 313 00:14:03,392 --> 00:14:07,029 >> Jimmy: THERE IS NO WORD FOR "NO" IN SPANISH. 314 00:14:07,029 --> 00:14:08,363 THERE'S NO WORD FOR "NO." 315 00:14:08,363 --> 00:14:10,499 >> Guillermo: NO, NO ‐‐ 316 00:14:10,499 --> 00:14:12,467 >> Jimmy: THEY HAVE TO USE OUR WORD BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE A 317 00:14:12,467 --> 00:14:18,807 WORD FOR "NO," SO YES IS THE ANSWER, OR "SI" IS THE ANSWER, 318 00:14:18,807 --> 00:14:19,140 RIGHT? 319 00:14:19,140 --> 00:14:20,842 >> Guillermo: YES. 320 00:14:20,842 --> 00:14:24,379 >> Jimmy: CAN HE SIT ON YOUR LAP OR IS THAT COVID UNFRIENDLY? 321 00:14:24,379 --> 00:14:25,013 >> PLEASE. 322 00:14:25,013 --> 00:14:26,348 >> Jimmy: NICE AND ICY, YEAH. 323 00:14:26,348 --> 00:14:28,884 >> SALUD! 324 00:14:28,884 --> 00:14:30,719 >> SALUD! 325 00:14:30,719 --> 00:14:31,553 >> Jimmy: SALUD, HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO. 326 00:14:31,553 --> 00:14:34,456 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 327 00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:35,157 GRACIAS, AS THEY SAY. 328 00:14:35,157 --> 00:14:35,624 >> YEAH. 329 00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:36,725 >> Jimmy: DO YOU WANT ANY LIME OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT? 330 00:14:36,725 --> 00:14:38,460 >> NO, COME ON. 331 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:38,793 [ LAUGHTER ] 332 00:14:38,793 --> 00:14:44,266 >> Jimmy: I THOUGHT I'D ‐‐ I DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU. 333 00:14:44,266 --> 00:14:48,837 BY THE WAY, WHEN YOU'RE A COSTAR, IT'S ALWAYS FUNNY. 334 00:14:48,837 --> 00:14:54,242 DANNY DEVITO, USUALLY HE'LL BRING A BOTTLE OF LIMONCELLO. 335 00:14:54,242 --> 00:14:57,612 THE LAST TIME I REMEMBER BEING GENUINELY HAMMERED ON THIS SHOW 336 00:14:57,612 --> 00:15:01,917 IS WHEN DANNY WAS HERE WITH THE LIMONCELLO. 337 00:15:01,917 --> 00:15:05,721 YOU DON'T REALIZE, IT SNEAKS UP ON YOU, IT SNUCK UP ON ME FOR 338 00:15:05,721 --> 00:15:06,086 SURE. 339 00:15:06,086 --> 00:15:10,025 >> YES, YES. MAYBE WE CAN RECREATE THAT TODAY. 340 00:15:10,025 --> 00:15:10,358 [ LAUGHTER ] 341 00:15:10,358 --> 00:15:10,926 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 342 00:15:10,926 --> 00:15:11,359 >> Jimmy: WELL. 343 00:15:11,359 --> 00:15:12,761 >> WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES. 344 00:15:12,761 --> 00:15:14,863 >> Jimmy: IT IS CINCO DE MAYO, AFTER ALL. 345 00:15:14,863 --> 00:15:16,998 >> Guillermo: OH MY GOD. 346 00:15:16,998 --> 00:15:21,870 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. GUILLERMO? ALL RIGHT. 347 00:15:21,870 --> 00:15:24,573 WE CAN GET RIDES HOME NO PROBLEM, RIGHT? 348 00:15:24,573 --> 00:15:27,142 >> THE GOOD PEOPLE AT DISNEY WILL LOVE THIS. 349 00:15:27,142 --> 00:15:29,478 >> Jimmy: HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO! 350 00:15:29,478 --> 00:15:31,012 >> Guillermo: HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO, EVERYBODY! 351 00:15:31,012 --> 00:15:33,882 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 352 00:15:33,882 --> 00:15:35,717 >> Jimmy: OH, THAT'S LOVELY. 353 00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:38,887 >> PEOPLE AT HOME ASSUME THAT'S WATER. 354 00:15:38,887 --> 00:15:40,956 >> Jimmy: IT IS NOT WATER, NO. 355 00:15:40,956 --> 00:15:42,724 >> YOU ASSUMED INCORRECTLY. 356 00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,893 >> Jimmy: IT WAS WATER AT ONE TIME, IT AIN'T WATER ANYMORE. 357 00:15:44,893 --> 00:15:45,226 [ LAUGHTER ] 358 00:15:45,226 --> 00:15:45,559 >> NO. 359 00:15:45,559 --> 00:15:49,664 >> Jimmy: SO YOU ARE ‐‐ HAVE YOU EVER WORKED UNDER THE INFLUENCE? 360 00:15:49,664 --> 00:15:52,367 LIKE HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SITUATION WHERE YOU'VE BEEN 361 00:15:52,367 --> 00:15:55,337 GENUINELY INTOXICATED OR UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ANYTHING AT 362 00:15:55,337 --> 00:15:56,471 WORK? 363 00:15:56,471 --> 00:15:56,805 >> WELL, SURE. 364 00:15:56,805 --> 00:15:59,374 [ LAUGHTER ] 365 00:15:59,374 --> 00:16:02,644 WE'VE BEEN KNOWN TO PARTY. HOWEVER THIS SEASON OF "MYTHIC 366 00:16:02,644 --> 00:16:05,113 QUEST," WE HAD SNOOP DOGG AS A GUEST. 367 00:16:05,113 --> 00:16:05,447 >> Jimmy: YES. 368 00:16:05,447 --> 00:16:06,014 >> A GUEST STAR. 369 00:16:06,014 --> 00:16:06,381 >> Jimmy: YES. 370 00:16:06,381 --> 00:16:11,686 >> SNOOP DOES NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. HE ‐‐ HE SMOKES MARIJUANA. 371 00:16:11,686 --> 00:16:12,020 [ LAUGHTER ] 372 00:16:12,020 --> 00:16:12,654 AS WE ALL KNOW. 373 00:16:12,654 --> 00:16:15,390 >> Jimmy: WAIT, THERE'S NO GIN AND JUICE FOR SNOOP AT ALL? 374 00:16:15,390 --> 00:16:18,393 >> WELL, I DON'T ‐‐ I THINK HE PASSED THAT TIME IN HIS LIFE. 375 00:16:18,393 --> 00:16:19,594 >> Jimmy: OH, HE'S EVOLVED. 376 00:16:19,594 --> 00:16:19,928 >> YES. 377 00:16:19,928 --> 00:16:20,495 >> Jimmy: AND HERE WE ARE. 378 00:16:20,495 --> 00:16:20,829 [ LAUGHTER ] 379 00:16:20,829 --> 00:16:26,234 >> YEAH. 380 00:16:26,234 --> 00:16:30,338 AND SO SNOOP ‐‐ SO SNOOP AGREED TO COME ON THE SHOW. 381 00:16:30,338 --> 00:16:33,675 AND ‐‐ WHICH WAS A SURPRISE TO ME. BUT WAS ‐‐ WE WERE SO HAPPY 382 00:16:33,675 --> 00:16:35,977 ABOUT IT. AND ‐‐ AND HIS CALL TIME WAS 383 00:16:35,977 --> 00:16:38,413 7:30 A. M. AND I ASSUMED, OKAY, WELL. 384 00:16:38,413 --> 00:16:40,849 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME HE'S GOING TO SHOW UP, HE CAN SHOW UP 385 00:16:40,849 --> 00:16:44,152 WHENEVER HE WANTS, HE'S SNOOP. AND I'M THERE AROUND 7:15. 386 00:16:44,152 --> 00:16:46,955 AND I GET A KNOCK ON MY DOOR FROM THE WARDROBE DEPARTMENT 387 00:16:46,955 --> 00:16:48,890 SAYING, SNOOP'S WARDROBE IS HERE, DO YOU WANT TO TAKE A LOOK 388 00:16:48,890 --> 00:16:50,826 AT IT? I GO INTO HIS TRAILER, I SEE IT 389 00:16:50,826 --> 00:16:55,564 HANGING IN THE CLOSET. IT'S THIS SKIN‐TIGHT 6'4" MOCAP 390 00:16:55,564 --> 00:16:57,465 SUIT ‐‐ 391 00:16:57,465 --> 00:16:59,134 >> Jimmy: I THINK WE HAVE A PICTURE. 392 00:16:59,134 --> 00:17:00,936 >> YEAH. I'M LIKE, HE'S NOT GOING TO WEAR 393 00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:01,636 THAT. BUT SURE ENOUGH, HE DID. 394 00:17:01,636 --> 00:17:04,940 [ LAUGHTER ] 395 00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:05,273 [ APPLAUSE ] 396 00:17:05,273 --> 00:17:05,607 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 397 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:10,445 >> HE DID. HE WAS GAME. SO ‐‐ I'M LIKE ‐‐ WELL ‐‐ AT THE 398 00:17:10,445 --> 00:17:15,817 TIME, I DON'T KNOW HE'S GOING TO WEAR IT. IT'S LIKE 7:15, 7:20. 399 00:17:15,817 --> 00:17:19,154 OKAY, LET ME FIGURE THIS OUT. ALL OF A SUDDEN I HEAR THE BUS, 400 00:17:19,154 --> 00:17:22,424 HIS BUS IS ROLLING UP, HE'S EARLY. NOW I'M THINKING, OH, NO. 401 00:17:22,424 --> 00:17:24,326 I'VE GOT TO GET HIM INTO WARDROBE. 402 00:17:24,326 --> 00:17:25,560 YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. 403 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:30,065 I GET OUT, GO TO MY TRAILER. 15 MINUTES LATER, KNOCK ON THE 404 00:17:30,065 --> 00:17:32,667 DOOR, SNOOP WANTS TO SEE YOU. OKAY. 405 00:17:32,667 --> 00:17:33,268 [ LAUGHTER ] 406 00:17:33,268 --> 00:17:34,736 I'M ASSUMING HE'S UNHAPPY ABOUT THE WARDROBE. 407 00:17:34,736 --> 00:17:35,604 I WALK IN, HE'S ALREADY WEARING IT. 408 00:17:35,604 --> 00:17:37,873 [ LAUGHTER ] 409 00:17:37,873 --> 00:17:41,676 HE GOES, WHAT'S UP, MAN? HEY, WHAT'S UP, SNOOP? 410 00:17:41,676 --> 00:17:42,477 HE GOES, YOU WANT TO SMOKE A JOINT? 411 00:17:42,477 --> 00:17:45,280 [ LAUGHTER ] 412 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:49,317 I WAS LIKE, WELL‐ YEAH, 7:30 A.M. 413 00:17:49,317 --> 00:17:53,054 [ LAUGHTER ] 414 00:17:53,054 --> 00:17:55,190 BUT IF SNOOP COMES TO YOUR PLACE OF BUSINESS. 415 00:17:55,190 --> 00:17:55,590 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 416 00:17:55,590 --> 00:18:00,695 >> ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT TO SMOKE A JOINT, YOU SAY? YES. 417 00:18:00,695 --> 00:18:02,030 SO I SAID YES. 418 00:18:02,030 --> 00:18:02,631 >> Jimmy: RIGHT. 419 00:18:02,631 --> 00:18:06,134 >> SO, BEING A RESPONSIBLE APPLE EMPLOYEE, WE COULDN'T DO IT ON 420 00:18:06,134 --> 00:18:06,902 THE PREMISES. WE WENT TO HIS BUS. 421 00:18:06,902 --> 00:18:11,139 [ LAUGHTER ] 422 00:18:11,139 --> 00:18:15,410 AND HE HAD THREE ROLLED JOINTS. AND I DON'T USUALLY PARTAKE, 423 00:18:15,410 --> 00:18:18,980 ESPECIALLY ON A WORKDAY, ESPECIALLY NOT AT 7:30 IN THE 424 00:18:18,980 --> 00:18:20,649 MORNING. HOWEVER, AGAIN, WHEN SNOOP ASKS 425 00:18:20,649 --> 00:18:22,751 YOU TO SMOKE, YOU SAY ‐‐ 426 00:18:22,751 --> 00:18:23,385 >> YES! 427 00:18:23,385 --> 00:18:26,021 >> AGAIN, BEING VERY RESPONSIBLE, NORMALLY I'D LOVE 428 00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:28,189 TO SHARE A JOINT, BUT IT'S COVID TIME. 429 00:18:28,189 --> 00:18:28,623 >> Jimmy: RIGHT. 430 00:18:28,623 --> 00:18:30,592 >> AGAIN, WE WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE EMPLOYEES. 431 00:18:30,592 --> 00:18:31,059 I SMOKE AN ENTIRE ONE. 432 00:18:31,059 --> 00:18:32,260 [ LAUGHTER ] 433 00:18:32,260 --> 00:18:38,767 MYSELF. HOLD ON A SECOND. 434 00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:42,103 IT TURNS OUT, IF SNOOP ASKS YOU TO SMOKE AT 7:30 IN THE MORNING 435 00:18:42,103 --> 00:18:45,874 ON A WORKDAY, YOU SAY "NO." 436 00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:46,207 [ LAUGHTER ] 437 00:18:46,207 --> 00:18:51,846 BECAUSE BY 7:46, I WAS ‐‐ I WAS HURTLING THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE. 438 00:18:51,846 --> 00:18:52,280 [ LAUGHTER ] 439 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:56,318 AT 30,000 MILES PER HOUR. DIRECTLY TOWARDS MARS. 440 00:18:56,318 --> 00:19:01,056 >> Jimmy: YEAH, BECAUSE IN ORDER FOR SNOOP TO GET HIGH, WHATEVER 441 00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:05,160 HE'S SMOKING HAS TO BE OF THE HIGHEST POSSIBLE LEVEL AVAILABLE. 442 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:05,525 >> YES. 443 00:19:05,525 --> 00:19:08,630 >> Jimmy: AND WE HAVE ‐‐ I THINK WE HAVE THE CLIP OF THAT SCENE 444 00:19:08,630 --> 00:19:09,864 THAT YOU SHOT WITH SNOOP. 445 00:19:09,864 --> 00:19:10,598 >> YEAH. 446 00:19:10,598 --> 00:19:13,301 >> Jimmy: NOW LET'S WATCH IT VERY CLOSELY TOGETHER, SEE IF WE 447 00:19:13,301 --> 00:19:14,469 CAN DETECT ANYTHING IN YOUR EYES. 448 00:19:14,469 --> 00:19:14,802 >> OKAY. 449 00:19:14,802 --> 00:19:18,273 >> Jimmy: HERE WE GO. 450 00:19:18,273 --> 00:19:23,211 >> SNOOP! MR. DOGG, I'M A HUGE FAN. 451 00:19:23,211 --> 00:19:25,914 >> THANKS, LITTLE GIRL. 452 00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:27,515 >> I'M NOT A LITTLE GIRL, I'M AN ADULT WOMAN. 453 00:19:27,515 --> 00:19:28,350 >> WHAT'S UP? 454 00:19:28,350 --> 00:19:29,617 >> WHEN YOU RELEASING THAT ‐‐ 455 00:19:29,617 --> 00:19:36,491 >> WHEN YOU RELEASING THAT NEW ALBUM? SEE YOU. 456 00:19:36,491 --> 00:19:40,996 >> I HAVE A PORSCHE. 457 00:19:40,996 --> 00:19:41,329 [ APPLAUSE ] 458 00:19:41,329 --> 00:19:43,498 >> Jimmy: YOU WERE ABLE TO TALK AND WALK AND EVERYTHING. 459 00:19:43,498 --> 00:19:46,868 >> TURNS OUT ACTING ‐‐ FIRST OF ALL, ACTING IS NOT THAT HARD, 460 00:19:46,868 --> 00:19:47,235 LET'S BE HONEST. 461 00:19:47,235 --> 00:19:49,304 [ LAUGHTER ] 462 00:19:49,304 --> 00:19:51,806 I KNOW YOU HAVE A LOT OF ACTORS ON HERE, BUT I'M GOING TO ‐‐ 463 00:19:51,806 --> 00:19:52,640 HERE'S THE SECRET, IT'S NOT THAT HARD. 464 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:53,942 [ LAUGHTER ] 465 00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:57,412 AND WALKING. IS NOT THAT HARD EITHER. 466 00:19:57,412 --> 00:20:04,319 >> Jimmy: YEAH. I STARTED WHEN I WAS 2. 467 00:20:04,319 --> 00:20:07,022 >> THE PROBLEM FOR A LOT OF ACTORS IS WALKING AND TALKING AT 468 00:20:07,022 --> 00:20:08,423 THE SAME TIME. 469 00:20:08,423 --> 00:20:08,823 >> Jimmy: UH‐HUH. 470 00:20:08,823 --> 00:20:12,527 >> BUT NOW ‐‐ I MEAN, USUALLY I CAN HANDLE BOTH THOSE THINGS AT 471 00:20:12,527 --> 00:20:16,831 THE SAME TIME. NOW YOU THROW IN WHATEVER SNOOP 472 00:20:16,831 --> 00:20:19,501 SMOKES, AND WALKING, AND TALKING, AND ACTING, AT THE SAME 473 00:20:19,501 --> 00:20:20,502 TIME. AND IT BECOMES VERY, VERY DIFFICULT. 474 00:20:20,502 --> 00:20:23,238 [ LAUGHTER ] 475 00:20:23,238 --> 00:20:23,905 VERY, VERY DIFFICULT. 476 00:20:23,905 --> 00:20:26,307 >> Jimmy: I HAD THIS IDENTICAL EXPERIENCE WITH SNOOP DOGG. 477 00:20:26,307 --> 00:20:28,043 AND PROBABLY EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF OUR STAFF HAS HAD THAT 478 00:20:28,043 --> 00:20:28,376 EXPERIENCE. 479 00:20:28,376 --> 00:20:30,812 [ LAUGHTER ] 480 00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:34,949 BUT MANY YEARS AGO, SNOOP WAS ON "THE MAN SHOW." 481 00:20:34,949 --> 00:20:38,186 AND I HAD NEVER REALLY SMOKED ANYTHING BEFORE IN MY LIFE. 482 00:20:38,186 --> 00:20:41,423 AND I WALKED IN HIS HOUSE. AND HE'S LIKE, DO YOU WANT TO 483 00:20:41,423 --> 00:20:43,958 SMOKE? AND I DIDN'T WANT TO OFFEND HIM, 484 00:20:43,958 --> 00:20:46,428 IT'S HIS RELIGION, AFTER ALL. 485 00:20:46,428 --> 00:20:47,062 [ LAUGHTER ] 486 00:20:47,062 --> 00:20:51,066 AND I DID SMOKE WITH HIM. AND THEN ALMOST INSTANTANEOUSLY 487 00:20:51,066 --> 00:20:55,070 I SAID TO THE DIRECTOR, "I AM OF NO USE NOW." 488 00:20:55,070 --> 00:20:55,403 [ LAUGHTER ] 489 00:20:55,403 --> 00:20:56,738 "I NEED YOU TO HELP ME." 490 00:20:56,738 --> 00:20:57,238 >> YES. 491 00:20:57,238 --> 00:21:00,375 >> Jimmy: I WENT RIGHT INTO SNOOP'S REFRIGERATOR AND STARTED 492 00:21:00,375 --> 00:21:01,342 EATING WHIPPED CREAM RIGHT OUT OF THE THING. 493 00:21:01,342 --> 00:21:04,312 [ LAUGHTER ] 494 00:21:04,312 --> 00:21:08,249 AND THEN WE HAD LUNCH. AND SNOOP HAD ORDERED CHICKEN. 495 00:21:08,249 --> 00:21:11,352 AND I WAS JUST MOWING THROUGH A WHOLE BUCKET OF IT. 496 00:21:11,352 --> 00:21:15,857 AND SNOOP WAS STANDING IN AWE, OFF TO THE SIDE, WITH HIS FRIEND. 497 00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:19,494 AND I OVERHEARD HIM SAY, "MY NEPHEW DONE ATE SIX PIECES OF 498 00:21:19,494 --> 00:21:27,035 CHICKEN ALREADY." 499 00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:27,368 [ LAUGHTER ] 500 00:21:27,368 --> 00:21:27,802 [ APPLAUSE ] 501 00:21:27,802 --> 00:21:30,705 >> YOU GOT OFF EASY. YOU GOT OFF EASY BECAUSE I HAD 502 00:21:30,705 --> 00:21:34,776 TO GO BACK TO WORK. ONLY ONE OF MY JOBS IS BEING AN 503 00:21:34,776 --> 00:21:36,744 ACTOR. AND AGAIN ‐‐ 504 00:21:36,744 --> 00:21:37,946 >> Jimmy: OH, BECAUSE YOU ‐‐ 505 00:21:37,946 --> 00:21:39,114 >> ACTING IS NOT THAT HARD. 506 00:21:39,114 --> 00:21:41,316 >> Jimmy: BECAUSE YOU'RE THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER. 507 00:21:41,316 --> 00:21:43,485 >> YES. SNOOP LEAVES, GOOD‐BYE, LITTLE 508 00:21:43,485 --> 00:21:48,923 BOY! I'M LIKE, BYE, DAD! AGAIN, I'M LIKE ‐‐ I'M WELL PAST 509 00:21:48,923 --> 00:21:51,326 NEPTUNE, I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM. NOW I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK, 510 00:21:51,326 --> 00:21:54,963 NOT ON CAMERA WHERE YOU CAN KIND OF FAKE IT. 511 00:21:54,963 --> 00:21:58,199 I HAVE TO BE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER. I HAD A CALL SCHEDULED FOR NOON 512 00:21:58,199 --> 00:22:02,170 THAT DAY. WHICH WAS LUNCH. TO GO OVER A LINE ITEM BUDGET 513 00:22:02,170 --> 00:22:02,537 WITH THE STUDIO. 514 00:22:02,537 --> 00:22:07,642 [ LAUGHTER ] 515 00:22:07,642 --> 00:22:10,211 AND MY ASSISTANT CAME AND UP SAID, YOU KNOW, SHOULD WE 516 00:22:10,211 --> 00:22:10,945 RESCHEDULE? AND I WAS LIKE ‐‐ 517 00:22:10,945 --> 00:22:13,548 [ LAUGHTER ] 518 00:22:13,548 --> 00:22:19,487 GOT IT. WE'RE HAVING THAT. AND I ‐‐ APPARENTLY I HAD A 519 00:22:19,487 --> 00:22:22,657 BLAST, BECAUSE I WAS JUST LIKE, SURE! YES! SPEND! 520 00:22:22,657 --> 00:22:24,826 WHATEVER, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT! 521 00:22:24,826 --> 00:22:25,627 >> NO PROBLEM. 522 00:22:25,627 --> 00:22:27,262 >> NO PROBLEM! 523 00:22:27,262 --> 00:22:30,665 >> Jimmy: ROB McELHENNEY IS WITH US, "MYTHIC QUIST." 524 00:22:30,665 --> 00:22:33,134 HIS LATEST SHOW I SHOULD SAY. BE RIGHT BACK WITH ROB RIGHT 525 00:22:33,134 --> 00:22:37,805 AFTER THIS. 526 00:22:37,805 --> 00:22:45,346 >>> OH, NO, I HAVE TO SET UP THE BRB CHARMIN FOR THE MEETING! 527 00:22:45,346 --> 00:22:51,019 PRERECORD MYSELF, HIT ACTIVATE, THEN BOY. 528 00:22:51,019 --> 00:22:53,388 THANK YOU, CHARMIN! 529 00:22:53,388 --> 00:22:54,522 >> ARE YOU LISTENING? 530 00:22:54,522 --> 00:22:58,293 >> Dicky: ENJOY THE GO, NO ONE WILL KNOW. 531 00:22:58,293 --> 00:22:59,653 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 532 00:23:01,333 --> 00:23:02,083 ♪ 533 00:23:02,083 --> 00:23:07,934 >> Jimmy: MUSIC BY ADUBA COMING UP. ROB McELHENNEY IS WITH US, 534 00:23:07,934 --> 00:23:13,064 SEASON 2 OF "MYTHIC QUEST" PREMIERES FRIDAY ON APPLE TV 535 00:23:13,064 --> 00:23:14,532 PLUS ‐‐ EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? 536 00:23:14,532 --> 00:23:22,899 >> I MADE A MISTAKE. TAKING A SHOT OF TEQUILA ‐‐ I'M 537 00:23:22,899 --> 00:23:27,804 NOT CONTRACTUALLY ALLOWED TO DRINK TEQUILA ON TELEVISION. 538 00:23:27,804 --> 00:23:28,605 >> Jimmy: OH. 539 00:23:28,605 --> 00:23:28,938 >> YEAH. 540 00:23:28,938 --> 00:23:30,407 >> Jimmy: I DIDN'T KNOW, SORRY ABOUT THAT. 541 00:23:30,407 --> 00:23:31,274 >> I GOT A CALL. 542 00:23:31,274 --> 00:23:31,708 >> Jimmy: FROM WHO? 543 00:23:31,708 --> 00:23:37,447 >> FROM MY PARTNER. RYAN REYNOLDS AND HIS LAWYER. 544 00:23:37,447 --> 00:23:37,781 [ LAUGHTER ] 545 00:23:37,781 --> 00:23:42,686 I'M ONLY ALLOWED TO DRINK ‐‐ AVIATION GIN. 546 00:23:42,686 --> 00:23:43,019 [ LAUGHTER ] 547 00:23:43,019 --> 00:23:45,789 >> Jimmy: OH, WHICH IS HIS ‐‐ 548 00:23:45,789 --> 00:23:48,024 >> WHICH IS AMERICA'S GIN. 549 00:23:48,024 --> 00:23:48,358 [ LAUGHTER ] 550 00:23:48,358 --> 00:23:48,725 >> Jimmy: IS IT? 551 00:23:48,725 --> 00:23:54,030 >> IT'S THE MOST DELICIOUS GIN. ON EARTH. 552 00:23:54,030 --> 00:23:55,732 >> Jimmy: OH, SO YOU'VE ‐‐ OH, SO ‐‐ 553 00:23:55,732 --> 00:23:57,033 >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, MAN. 554 00:23:57,033 --> 00:23:59,002 LOOK, I BOUGHT A FOOTBALL TEAM WITH THIS GUY. 555 00:23:59,002 --> 00:23:59,536 >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT. 556 00:23:59,536 --> 00:24:02,406 >> AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW, IT TURNS OUT I DON'T READ THE FINE 557 00:24:02,406 --> 00:24:06,943 PRINT IN THE CONTRACTS. NOW I HAVE TO HAWK THIS GIN. 558 00:24:06,943 --> 00:24:09,212 >> Jimmy: ARE YOU AR OWNER OF AVIATION GIN? 559 00:24:09,212 --> 00:24:09,880 > I DON'T GET ANYTHING. 560 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:12,015 >> Jimmy: YOU GET NOTHING FOR THIS? 561 00:24:12,015 --> 00:24:12,916 >> I GET NOTHING. 562 00:24:12,916 --> 00:24:14,985 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE CONTRACTUALLY BOUND TO ENDORSE AND IT DRINK IT 563 00:24:14,985 --> 00:24:19,089 IN PUBLIC, BUT YOU DO NOT GET ANYTHING FROM IT? WOW. 564 00:24:19,089 --> 00:24:20,924 >> YES. UNFORTUNATELY ‐‐ WELL. 565 00:24:20,924 --> 00:24:23,126 ALL RIGHT, LOOK. I THINK I HAVE TO DRINK ‐‐ I 566 00:24:23,126 --> 00:24:25,695 THINK I CAN MAKE IT BETTER IF I DRINK THIS. 567 00:24:25,695 --> 00:24:28,932 >> Jimmy: YOU THINK IF WE ‐‐ WE HAD TWO SHOTS OF TEQUILA, SHOULD 568 00:24:28,932 --> 00:24:29,533 WE HAVE THREE SHOTS OF AVIATION? 569 00:24:29,533 --> 00:24:30,967 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 570 00:24:30,967 --> 00:24:36,039 >> OKAY, GUILLERMO. NOW JUST SO AMERICA THINKS THAT 571 00:24:36,039 --> 00:24:39,810 WE'RE ‐‐ THAT THIS IS WATER, I'M GOING TO BREAK THE SEAL. 572 00:24:39,810 --> 00:24:45,315 >> Jimmy: WHAT A COINCIDENCE, THAT YOU WOULD HAVE THESE EMPTY 573 00:24:45,315 --> 00:24:46,216 GLASSES. 574 00:24:46,216 --> 00:24:46,549 [ LAUGHTER ] 575 00:24:46,549 --> 00:24:48,185 >> Guillermo: ALWAYS READY, JIMMY. 576 00:24:48,185 --> 00:24:48,852 >> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU HATE LIME. 577 00:24:48,852 --> 00:24:52,956 >> I'M ASSUMING THAT THESE ARE ‐‐ THIS IS MY GLASS? 578 00:24:52,956 --> 00:24:55,392 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE GOING TO GET SUED BY THE LIME PEOPLE, I'M 579 00:24:55,392 --> 00:24:59,296 SURE THEY DO NOT LIKE THAT YOU KEEP DISCARDING ‐‐ OKAY, ALL 580 00:24:59,296 --> 00:25:00,397 RIGHT, THOSE ARE HEAVY SHOTS. 581 00:25:00,397 --> 00:25:00,730 [ LAUGHTER ] 582 00:25:00,730 --> 00:25:03,233 >> HOW HEAVY ‐‐ WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 583 00:25:03,233 --> 00:25:05,902 >> Jimmy: YEAH LIKE HOSPITALIZATION TYPE OF HEAVY, 584 00:25:05,902 --> 00:25:07,404 YEAH, BUT OKAY. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 585 00:25:07,404 --> 00:25:11,374 >> OKAY, NOW HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO! 586 00:25:11,374 --> 00:25:15,011 >> Guillermo: HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO! 587 00:25:15,011 --> 00:25:16,913 >> Jimmy: HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO TO YOU, RYAN, WHEREVER YOU ARE. 588 00:25:16,913 --> 00:25:22,819 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 589 00:25:22,819 --> 00:25:23,253 REALLY GOOD. 590 00:25:23,253 --> 00:25:27,757 >> THAT'S REALLY GOOD. NOTHING LIKE CELEBRATING CINCO 591 00:25:27,757 --> 00:25:33,897 DE MAYO WITH ‐‐ I'VE AAVIATION ! 592 00:25:33,897 --> 00:25:37,167 >> Jimmy: PEOPLE CELEBRATING CINCO DE MAYO WITH GIN OF ALL 593 00:25:37,167 --> 00:25:37,532 THINGS. 594 00:25:37,532 --> 00:25:38,535 >> YEAH. DO YOU MIND IF I PUT IT DOWN 595 00:25:38,535 --> 00:25:39,569 HERE? BECAUSE I THINK IF I PUT IT UP 596 00:25:39,569 --> 00:25:41,271 THERE ‐‐ 597 00:25:41,271 --> 00:25:42,739 >> Jimmy: YOU DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO. 598 00:25:42,739 --> 00:25:45,542 >> IF HE TEXTS ME DURING THIS, I HAVE TO PUT IT BACK UP ON THE 599 00:25:45,542 --> 00:25:45,876 TABLE. 600 00:25:45,876 --> 00:25:46,209 [ LAUGHTER ] 601 00:25:46,209 --> 00:25:48,945 >> Jimmy: I READ ‐‐ THIS IS SOMETHING I HAPPENED TO READ ON 602 00:25:48,945 --> 00:25:51,448 MY OWN AND HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT YOU WERE 603 00:25:51,448 --> 00:25:54,551 BOOKED HERE ON THE SHOW. YOU DID AN INTERVIEW WITH RYAN. 604 00:25:54,551 --> 00:25:57,721 YOU GUYS KIND OF INTERVIEWED EACH OTHER FOR "MEN'S HEALTH" 605 00:25:57,721 --> 00:26:00,490 MAGAZINE. THERE YOU OR THE COVER OF "MEN'S 606 00:26:00,490 --> 00:26:01,391 HEALTH" MAGAZINE, STRONGER THAN EVER. 607 00:26:01,391 --> 00:26:03,827 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 608 00:26:03,827 --> 00:26:09,833 RYAN AND YOU, YOU GUYS DID SOMETHING THAT IS ‐‐ I'M 609 00:26:09,833 --> 00:26:12,936 GUESSING MAYBE YOUR WIVES WERE WONDERING WHY YOU WOULD DO 610 00:26:12,936 --> 00:26:15,138 SOMETHING LIKE THIS. YOU BOUGHT, AS YOU MENTIONED, A 611 00:26:15,138 --> 00:26:18,842 FOOTBALL TEAM. SAY SOCCER.ALL, IN AMERICA WE ‐ 612 00:26:18,842 --> 00:26:20,810 THIS IS IN WALES. AS I UNDERSTAND, THIS IS THE 613 00:26:20,810 --> 00:26:21,611 THIRD ‐‐ I'M STARTING TO GET DRUNK. 614 00:26:21,611 --> 00:26:22,779 [ LAUGHTER ] 615 00:26:22,779 --> 00:26:28,985 [ APPLAUSE ] 616 00:26:28,985 --> 00:26:31,454 >> I LOVE IT, THIS IS GREAT. 617 00:26:31,454 --> 00:26:33,156 >> Jimmy: YOU ‐‐ YOU BUY FOOTBALL TEAM. 618 00:26:33,156 --> 00:26:33,489 [ LAUGHTER ] 619 00:26:33,489 --> 00:26:33,957 >> YES. 620 00:26:33,957 --> 00:26:36,192 >> Jimmy: WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE TEAM THAT YOU BOUGHT? 621 00:26:36,192 --> 00:26:41,097 >> THE NAME OF THE TEAM IS THE REXHAM RED DRAGONS. 622 00:26:41,097 --> 00:26:43,233 >> Jimmy: HOW DO YOU MEET RYAN REYNOLDS? 623 00:26:43,233 --> 00:26:44,601 >> I MET HIM VIA SOCIAL MEDIA. 624 00:26:44,601 --> 00:26:45,001 >> Jimmy: OKAY. 625 00:26:45,001 --> 00:26:49,039 >> ONE DAY I GOT A ‐‐ A DIRECT MESSAGE FROM HIM. 626 00:26:49,039 --> 00:26:49,673 >> Jimmy: HE SLID INTO YOUR DMs? 627 00:26:49,673 --> 00:26:51,608 [ LAUGHTER ] 628 00:26:51,608 --> 00:26:58,048 >> THIS TALL, HANDSOME GENTLEMAN SLID DIRECTLY INTO MY DMs AND 629 00:26:58,048 --> 00:27:00,550 SAID, I'M A BIG FAN OF YOURS. I SAID, THIS IS INTRIGUING. 630 00:27:00,550 --> 00:27:01,551 >> Jimmy: UH‐HUH. 631 00:27:01,551 --> 00:27:03,553 >> AND WE JUST BECAME FRIENDS THAT WAY. 632 00:27:03,553 --> 00:27:07,290 AND THEN I REALIZED I'D KNOWN HIM FOR YEARS BUT WE HAD NEVER 633 00:27:07,290 --> 00:27:10,894 MET IN PERSON, WE JUST KIND OF ‐‐ WE WERE TEXT BUDDIES. 634 00:27:10,894 --> 00:27:15,999 I HAD THIS IDEA TO BUY A FOOTBALL TEAM OVER IN THE UK. 635 00:27:15,999 --> 00:27:19,803 AND I THOUGHT, WELL, RYAN'S PRETTY ENTREPRENEURIAL, MAYBE HE 636 00:27:19,803 --> 00:27:23,373 MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN THAT. I TEXTED HIM, ASKED HIM IF HE'D 637 00:27:23,373 --> 00:27:24,541 BE INTO IT, HE SAID YEAH. 638 00:27:24,541 --> 00:27:26,242 >> Jimmy: YOU'D NOT MET AT THIS TIME? 639 00:27:26,242 --> 00:27:26,575 >> NO. 640 00:27:26,575 --> 00:27:28,011 >> Jimmy: YOU BUY THIS TEAM WITH THIS GUY. 641 00:27:28,011 --> 00:27:28,445 >> YEAH. 642 00:27:28,445 --> 00:27:32,248 >> Jimmy: BASED ON THIS NONRELATIONSHIP, REALLY, LET'S 643 00:27:32,248 --> 00:27:32,849 BE HONEST. 644 00:27:32,849 --> 00:27:33,216 >> YES. 645 00:27:33,216 --> 00:27:34,684 >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP. 646 00:27:34,684 --> 00:27:35,952 THEN YOU MET HIM WHEN? 647 00:27:35,952 --> 00:27:39,723 >> I MET HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME TWO WEEKS AGO. 648 00:27:39,723 --> 00:27:40,056 [ LAUGHTER ] 649 00:27:40,056 --> 00:27:41,224 >> Jimmy: TWO WEEKS AGO? 650 00:27:41,224 --> 00:27:41,625 >> YEAH. 651 00:27:41,625 --> 00:27:43,426 >> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT A JOKE? 652 00:27:43,426 --> 00:27:46,830 >> NO, THAT'S NOT A JOKE. WE JUST MET WHEN WE SHOT A PROMO 653 00:27:46,830 --> 00:27:48,698 FOR THE CLUB. TWO WEEKS AGO. 654 00:27:48,698 --> 00:27:52,335 >> Jimmy: HOW DID IT GO BETWEEN YOU, MEETING AFTER ALL THOSE DMs? 655 00:27:52,335 --> 00:27:54,938 >> IF I'M HONEST, I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED. 656 00:27:54,938 --> 00:27:55,271 [ LAUGHTER ] 657 00:27:55,271 --> 00:27:58,274 YOU KNOW, LOOK. I GOT SOLD A BILL OF GOODS. 658 00:27:58,274 --> 00:28:01,244 I WAS TOLD THAT HE WAS ONE OF THE NICEST PEOPLE IN HOLLYWOOD. 659 00:28:01,244 --> 00:28:01,645 >> Jimmy: UH‐HUH. 660 00:28:01,645 --> 00:28:01,978 >> HE'S FINE. 661 00:28:01,978 --> 00:28:04,914 [ LAUGHTER ] 662 00:28:04,914 --> 00:28:10,220 HE'S FINE. HE'S FINE. 663 00:28:10,220 --> 00:28:13,857 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, I HAD A DM FROM RYAN REYNOLDS ONCE, WHO I 664 00:28:13,857 --> 00:28:16,326 DON'T REALLY KNOW. I MET HIM ONCE MANY YEARS AGO 665 00:28:16,326 --> 00:28:18,928 AND HE SAID, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU NEXT WEEK. 666 00:28:18,928 --> 00:28:21,865 AND I THOUGHT, OH, I DIDN'T KNOW HE'S ON THE SHOW NEXT WEEK. 667 00:28:21,865 --> 00:28:24,100 I LOOKED AT OUR SCHEDULE, HE'S NOT ON THE SHOW NEXT WEEK, 668 00:28:24,100 --> 00:28:25,802 WHAT'S GOING ON? HE WAS CONFUSING ME WITH JIMMY 669 00:28:25,802 --> 00:28:26,135 FALLON. 670 00:28:26,135 --> 00:28:29,806 [ LAUGHTER ] 671 00:28:29,806 --> 00:28:31,007 [ APPLAUSE ] 672 00:28:31,007 --> 00:28:32,809 YEAH, WE DIDN'T BUY A TEAM TOGETHER. 673 00:28:32,809 --> 00:28:35,011 >> HE WAS CONFUSED ‐‐ YEAH. SO YEAH. 674 00:28:35,011 --> 00:28:37,080 >> Jimmy: LOOK AT YOU, THOUGH, OH MY GOD. 675 00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:38,648 I MEAN, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? 676 00:28:38,648 --> 00:28:40,950 >> HERE'S WHAT'S GREAT ABOUT THIS. ACTORS. 677 00:28:40,950 --> 00:28:43,887 WE CAN PRETEND TO BE ANYTHING. I CAN PRETEND TO BE TOUGH, LOOK 678 00:28:43,887 --> 00:28:45,522 HOW TOUGH I AM! I CAN BOX. 679 00:28:45,522 --> 00:28:47,457 >> Jimmy: YOU CAN'T PRETEND TO BE MUSCULAR. 680 00:28:47,457 --> 00:28:48,458 >> WELL, THAT'S TRUE. 681 00:28:48,458 --> 00:28:51,528 >> Jimmy: YOU REALLY CAN'T. ARE YOU USING A CLIPPER ON YOUR 682 00:28:51,528 --> 00:28:51,893 CHEST? 683 00:28:51,893 --> 00:28:54,998 >> THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION. I DON'T KNOW ‐‐ I WAS CLEARLY 684 00:28:54,998 --> 00:28:55,665 GROOMED FOR THIS. 685 00:28:55,665 --> 00:28:56,066 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 686 00:28:56,066 --> 00:28:59,335 >> I THINK IT'S A CLIPPER. I THINK I TOOK IT DOWN BUT NOT 687 00:28:59,335 --> 00:29:01,204 OFF. 688 00:29:01,204 --> 00:29:03,039 >> Jimmy: I GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 689 00:29:03,039 --> 00:29:04,240 MAYBE IT'S JUST THE ALCOHOL TALKING. 690 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:08,850 BUT WHEN I SEE YOU IN THESE PICTURES, THEN I THINK ABOUT 691 00:29:08,850 --> 00:29:14,978 KUMAYO AND CHRIS PRATT AND THESE FUNNY GUYS, IT PUTS A LOT OF 692 00:29:14,978 --> 00:29:16,813 PRESSURE ON ME. 693 00:29:16,813 --> 00:29:18,048 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. 694 00:29:18,048 --> 00:29:19,282 >> OH. WELL. 695 00:29:19,282 --> 00:29:21,985 >> Jimmy: IS THAT SOMETHING YOU CONSIDERED? 696 00:29:21,985 --> 00:29:24,321 >> IT IS YOUR SHOW, I GUESS WE CAN TALK ABOUT WHATEVER YOU WANT. 697 00:29:24,321 --> 00:29:24,654 [ LAUGHTER ] 698 00:29:24,654 --> 00:29:28,525 BUT I THOUGHT I WAS ‐‐ I THOUGHT I WAS THE GUEST. 699 00:29:28,525 --> 00:29:30,227 >> Jimmy: WELL, IT'S VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU. 700 00:29:30,227 --> 00:29:34,497 YOUR SHOW IS HILARIOUS, BY THE WAY. IT'S ON APPLE TV PLUS. 701 00:29:34,497 --> 00:29:38,865 IT'S CALLED "MYTHIC QUEST." IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT, SEASON 2 702 00:29:38,865 --> 00:29:42,869 PREMIERES ON FRIDAY. THAT'S ROB McELHENNEY, I CAN 703 00:29:42,869 --> 00:29:47,206 BARELY READ, ROB McELHENNEY, EVERYBODY! 704 00:29:47,206 --> 00:29:48,893 BE BACK WITH USE ZO ADUBA! 705 00:29:48,893 --> 00:29:49,313 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 706 00:29:51,713 --> 00:29:54,903 ♪ 707 00:29:54,903 --> 00:29:57,837 >> Jimmy: MUSIC FROM MIDDLE KIDS IS ON THE WAY. 708 00:29:57,837 --> 00:30:00,940 OUR NEXT GUEST IS THE THREE‐TIME EMMY‐WINNING ACTOR KNOWN AS 709 00:30:00,940 --> 00:30:02,108 "CRAZY EYES" ON NETFLIX'S LONG‐RUNNING SERIES "ORANGE IS 710 00:30:02,108 --> 00:30:04,477 THE NEW BLACK." NOW SHE STARS IN THE 711 00:30:04,477 --> 00:30:08,248 LONG‐AWAITED FOURTH SEASON OF "IN TREATMENT." 712 00:30:08,248 --> 00:30:09,482 IT PREMIERES MAY 23rd ON HBO AND HBO MAX. 713 00:30:09,482 --> 00:30:14,554 PLEASE WELCOME UZO ADUBA. 714 00:30:14,554 --> 00:30:15,054 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 715 00:30:15,054 --> 00:30:25,031 ♪ 716 00:30:25,031 --> 00:30:26,866 >> Jimmy: HOW'S IT GOING? 717 00:30:26,866 --> 00:30:29,402 >> I'M GREAT, HOW ARE YOU? 718 00:30:29,402 --> 00:30:30,737 >> Jimmy: I'M GOOD, I'M DOING WELL. 719 00:30:30,737 --> 00:30:32,639 >> YES? 720 00:30:32,639 --> 00:30:33,807 >> Jimmy: I'M A LITTLE HEATED UP, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU. 721 00:30:33,807 --> 00:30:34,941 [ LAUGHTER ] 722 00:30:34,941 --> 00:30:37,377 I HEARD YOU JUST MOVED HERE TO LOS ANGELES? 723 00:30:37,377 --> 00:30:38,611 >> I DID JUST MOVE HERE. 724 00:30:38,611 --> 00:30:42,015 >> Jimmy: LIKE OFFICIALLY, PERMANENTLY, YOU LIVE HERE? 725 00:30:42,015 --> 00:30:47,120 >> I PERMANENTLY MOVED HERE, JUST LIKE YESTERDAY, MOVED IN. 726 00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:47,620 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 727 00:30:47,620 --> 00:30:48,188 >> Jimmy: WOW, WELCOME. 728 00:30:48,188 --> 00:30:48,755 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 729 00:30:48,755 --> 00:30:50,323 >> Jimmy: YOU WERE IN BROOKLYN BEFORE THAT? 730 00:30:50,323 --> 00:30:53,960 >> I WAS IN BROOKLYN BEFORE THAT. CAN I JUST SAY, I LOVE YOUR 731 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:54,325 SHOW. 732 00:30:54,325 --> 00:30:54,828 >> Jimmy: OH, THANK YOU. 733 00:30:54,828 --> 00:30:56,029 >> I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. 734 00:30:56,029 --> 00:30:57,297 >> Jimmy: THAT'S VERY NICE. 735 00:30:57,297 --> 00:30:59,732 >> I LOVE WHEN YOU GUYS COME TO BROOKLYN. 736 00:30:59,732 --> 00:31:01,701 >> Jimmy: WE LOVE COMING TO BROOKLYN, WE LOVE THAT. 737 00:31:01,701 --> 00:31:03,469 THAT'S SOMETHING WE REALLY MISSED LAST YEAR. 738 00:31:03,469 --> 00:31:04,237 >> I KNOW. 739 00:31:04,237 --> 00:31:07,040 >> Jimmy: MORE THAN ANYBODY ANYTHING, AS FAR AS COVID GOES. 740 00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:10,109 >> I BELIEVE IT. 741 00:31:10,109 --> 00:31:10,743 >> Jimmy: MORE THAN MY PARENTS. 742 00:31:10,743 --> 00:31:11,077 [ LAUGHTER ] 743 00:31:11,077 --> 00:31:14,147 ARE YOU ACCLIMATING? DO YOU KNOW L. A., DO YOU KNOW 744 00:31:14,147 --> 00:31:14,814 THE AREA? 745 00:31:14,814 --> 00:31:17,016 >> I ‐‐ SORT OF. NOT REALLY. 746 00:31:17,016 --> 00:31:20,453 FROM LIKE A LIVING PERSPECTIVE. I'M TRYING TO FIND MY BROOKLYN 747 00:31:20,453 --> 00:31:20,820 IN LOS ANGELES. 748 00:31:20,820 --> 00:31:21,588 >> Jimmy: YOU WILL NOT FIND THAT. 749 00:31:21,588 --> 00:31:22,522 [ LAUGHTER ] 750 00:31:22,522 --> 00:31:26,025 >> I BELIEVE YOU. BUT I'M TRYING TO. 751 00:31:26,025 --> 00:31:28,394 I WANT TO FIND MY BROOKLYN PIZZA. 752 00:31:28,394 --> 00:31:28,728 >> Jimmy: AH. 753 00:31:28,728 --> 00:31:30,830 >> I WANT TO FIND MY BROOKLYN BAGELS. 754 00:31:30,830 --> 00:31:31,164 >> Jimmy: OH. 755 00:31:31,164 --> 00:31:33,199 >> I WANT TO FIND ‐‐ 756 00:31:33,199 --> 00:31:33,666 >> Jimmy: RIGHT. 757 00:31:33,666 --> 00:31:36,970 >> I'M WELCOMING ANY ADVICE THAT YOU HAVE. 758 00:31:36,970 --> 00:31:39,272 >> Jimmy: BAGELS, THERE'S A REALLY GOOD PLACE CALLED POP'S 759 00:31:39,272 --> 00:31:44,177 BAGELS, A REALLY GOOD BAGEL. PEDE ZARKS I'LL GIVE YOU MY 760 00:31:44,177 --> 00:31:48,715 PIZZA CHOICES OFF THE AIR, HONESTLY, I AM SO REVERED AT AN 761 00:31:48,715 --> 00:31:50,416 AUTHORITY ON PIZZA ‐‐ 762 00:31:50,416 --> 00:31:51,084 [ LAUGHTER ] 763 00:31:51,084 --> 00:31:54,487 IT COULD CLOSE DOWN BUSINESSES. 764 00:31:54,487 --> 00:31:54,820 [ LAUGHTER ] 765 00:31:54,820 --> 00:31:57,657 YOU KNOW, IT REALLY COULD BE DEVASTATING IF I DON'T MENTION 766 00:31:57,657 --> 00:32:00,894 CERTAIN NAMES. BUT YES, I WILL BE GLAD TO SHARE 767 00:32:00,894 --> 00:32:02,028 THAT STUFF WITH YOU FOR SURE. 768 00:32:02,028 --> 00:32:04,097 >> I WILL HAPPILY TAKE IT. 769 00:32:04,097 --> 00:32:06,799 >> Jimmy: YES, THAT'S ALL THE RIGHT STUFF, YOU KNOW. 770 00:32:06,799 --> 00:32:07,400 >> YEAH. 771 00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,736 >> Jimmy: BAGELS ARE SO UNDERRATED. 772 00:32:09,736 --> 00:32:12,639 EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE BELOVED IN NEW YORK, LIKE IN OTHER PLACES, 773 00:32:12,639 --> 00:32:15,441 LIKE THEY JUST ‐‐ THEY MAKE ROUND BREAD AND THEY TELL YOU 774 00:32:15,441 --> 00:32:17,443 IT'S A BAGEL AND IT'S NOT A BAGEL. 775 00:32:17,443 --> 00:32:19,212 >> IT'S NOT. IS IT A MUFFIN? 776 00:32:19,212 --> 00:32:21,114 THAT'S KIND OF WHAT I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE GIVING ME. 777 00:32:21,114 --> 00:32:23,149 >> Jimmy: I HAVE A GIFT AS A NEW RESIDENT OF LOS ANGELES. 778 00:32:23,149 --> 00:32:24,684 >> WHAT IS ‐‐ OH MY GOSH. 779 00:32:24,684 --> 00:32:25,451 >> Jimmy: WE PUT YOUR FACE ON IT. 780 00:32:25,451 --> 00:32:28,121 [ APPLAUSE ] 781 00:32:28,121 --> 00:32:29,055 >> WHAT? 782 00:32:29,055 --> 00:32:30,556 >> Jimmy: SOMETHING I HOPE YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE. 783 00:32:30,556 --> 00:32:31,557 >> WHAT IS THIS? 784 00:32:31,557 --> 00:32:32,992 >> Jimmy: IT'S AN EARTHQUAKE KIT. 785 00:32:32,992 --> 00:32:33,693 >> OH, YES. 786 00:32:33,693 --> 00:32:35,128 >> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE? 787 00:32:35,128 --> 00:32:37,297 >> NO, WHAT DO YOU EVEN IN ADDITION ‐‐ 788 00:32:37,297 --> 00:32:41,267 >> Jimmy: YOU NEED EVERYTHING. THERE'S FIRST AID STUFF IN THERE. 789 00:32:41,267 --> 00:32:43,536 THERE'S LIKE EMERGENCY RATIONS AND THAT KIND OF STUFF. 790 00:32:43,536 --> 00:32:44,737 >> OH MY GOD. 791 00:32:44,737 --> 00:32:45,071 [ LAUGHTER ] 792 00:32:45,071 --> 00:32:46,372 >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU HAVE TO HAVE THAT. 793 00:32:46,372 --> 00:32:47,573 >> OKAY. 794 00:32:47,573 --> 00:32:49,442 >> Jimmy: YOU EVER GET HIT BY AN EARTHQUAKE? 795 00:32:49,442 --> 00:32:51,978 >> I'VE NEVER ‐‐ I WAS IN AN EARTHQUAKE, IN NEW YORK. 796 00:32:51,978 --> 00:32:55,882 WE HAD ONE LIKE 12 YEARS AGO. IT DOESN'T COUNT. 797 00:32:55,882 --> 00:32:58,952 >> Jimmy: THOSE ARE CUTE RUMBLES. 798 00:32:58,952 --> 00:32:59,285 [ LAUGHTER ] 799 00:32:59,285 --> 00:33:02,488 YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN AN EARTHQUAKE WHEN YOU'RE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR 800 00:33:02,488 --> 00:33:04,290 AND YOU RUN OUT ONTO THE LAWN. 801 00:33:04,290 --> 00:33:04,724 [ LAUGHTER ] 802 00:33:04,724 --> 00:33:06,125 THAT'S WHEN IT'S AN EARTH CAGE. 803 00:33:06,125 --> 00:33:09,762 >> I HAD AN EARTHQUAKE, IN NEW YORK WHEN WE HAD THE EARTHQUAKE, 804 00:33:09,762 --> 00:33:11,965 I HAD BEEN SICK EARLIER THAT WEEK. 805 00:33:11,965 --> 00:33:15,201 AND SO I WAS FEELING BETTER, THEN I STOOD UP AND I STARTED 806 00:33:15,201 --> 00:33:18,705 FEELING VERY DIZZY. I THOUGHT I WAS SWAYING. 807 00:33:18,705 --> 00:33:22,709 AM I SICK AGAIN? AM I FEELING SICK AGAIN? 808 00:33:22,709 --> 00:33:25,278 I WAS LIKE ‐‐ I THINK WE'RE HAVING AN EARTHQUAKE ‐‐ I 809 00:33:25,278 --> 00:33:27,280 STARTED HEARING THE DISHES RATTLING, IT WAS CRAZY. 810 00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:29,215 >> Jimmy: IT'S SCARY WHEN AN EARTHQUAKE HAPPENS. 811 00:33:29,215 --> 00:33:34,821 YOU NEVER FORGET THAT FIRST ONE. I WANT YOU TO THINK OF ME, GOD 812 00:33:34,821 --> 00:33:37,724 FORBID IT HAPPENS, BUT IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ALL OF US. 813 00:33:37,724 --> 00:33:39,225 >> IN MY FIRST EARTHQUAKE. 814 00:33:39,225 --> 00:33:41,995 >> Jimmy: WHERE ARE YOU FROM ORIGINALLY? 815 00:33:41,995 --> 00:33:47,600 >> ORIGINALLY FROM BOSTON, SOX. 816 00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:47,933 [ APPLAUSE ] 817 00:33:47,933 --> 00:33:50,036 BY WAY OF NIGERIA, MY FAMILY IS FROM NIGERIA. 818 00:33:50,036 --> 00:33:52,205 >> Jimmy: IT'S CRAZY THAT WE HAVE TWO OWNERS OF FOOTBALL 819 00:33:52,205 --> 00:33:55,341 TEAMS AS THEY CALL IT, SOCCER TEAMS AS WE CALL IT, YOU'RE ONE 820 00:33:55,341 --> 00:33:58,044 OF THE OWNERS OF A NEW TEAM HERE IN L. A. 821 00:33:58,044 --> 00:33:58,377 >> YEAH. 822 00:33:58,377 --> 00:33:59,212 >> Jimmy: HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? 823 00:33:59,212 --> 00:34:03,216 >> I DON'T KNOW. NO. I GOT A PHONE CALL. 824 00:34:03,216 --> 00:34:06,853 I GOT A PHONE CALL SAYING IF I WOULD WANT TO SUPPORT WOMEN'S 825 00:34:06,853 --> 00:34:07,218 SPORTS. 826 00:34:07,218 --> 00:34:08,521 >> Jimmy: UH‐HUH. 827 00:34:08,521 --> 00:34:12,225 >> A WOMEN'S SOCCER TEAM. I GREW UP PLAYING SPORTS, I RAN 828 00:34:12,225 --> 00:34:16,729 TRACK, I COMPETED COMPETITIVELY IN FIGURE SKATING. I LOVE SPORTS. 829 00:34:16,729 --> 00:34:20,466 I JUST WANTED A SPACE TO EXIST FOR OTHER WOMEN, YOUNG GIRLS 830 00:34:20,466 --> 00:34:25,438 ESPECIALLY, AND BOYS QUITE FRANKLY, TOFFEE MAIL SUPERSTARS, 831 00:34:25,438 --> 00:34:26,072 SUPER ATHLETES. 832 00:34:26,072 --> 00:34:27,940 >> Jimmy: IT'S THE ANGEL CITY FOOTBALL CLUB. 833 00:34:27,940 --> 00:34:28,574 >> YEAH. 834 00:34:28,574 --> 00:34:30,443 >> Jimmy: WHEN DO THEY START PLAYING? 835 00:34:30,443 --> 00:34:32,912 >> AFTER COVID IS DONE. 836 00:34:32,912 --> 00:34:35,348 >> Jimmy: I SEE, POSTPONED BECAUSE OF COVID. 837 00:34:35,348 --> 00:34:36,215 >> YES. 838 00:34:36,215 --> 00:34:37,583 >> Jimmy: WHERE WILL THEY BE PLAYING? 839 00:34:37,583 --> 00:34:39,452 >> HERE IN LOS ANGELES, IN PROPER LOS ANGELES. 840 00:34:39,452 --> 00:34:41,387 >> Jimmy: ARE YOU GOING TO GO TO ALL THE GAMES? 841 00:34:41,387 --> 00:34:45,391 >> I'M GOING TO TRY TO, WHEN I'M IN TOWN, I LOVE SPORTS, I LOVE 842 00:34:45,391 --> 00:34:45,724 SOCKER. 843 00:34:45,724 --> 00:34:48,928 >> YOU LIVE HERE, YOU'LL ALWAYS BE IN TOWN. 844 00:34:48,928 --> 00:34:49,261 [ LAUGHTER ] 845 00:34:49,261 --> 00:34:49,695 >> EXACTLY, EXACTLY. 846 00:34:49,695 --> 00:34:50,830 >> Jimmy: THAT'S FUN. THAT SEEMS LIKE A FUN THING TO 847 00:34:50,830 --> 00:34:51,464 BE A PART OF. 848 00:34:51,464 --> 00:34:53,399 >> YEAH, I THINK IT'S PRETTY COOL. 849 00:34:53,399 --> 00:34:55,368 >> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE A MASCOT YET FOR THE TEAM? 850 00:34:55,368 --> 00:34:56,035 >> WE DON'T. 851 00:34:56,035 --> 00:34:56,702 >> Jimmy: YOU DON'T? 852 00:34:56,702 --> 00:34:57,703 >> NOT JUST YET, NO. 853 00:34:57,703 --> 00:34:58,671 >> Jimmy: OH, GREAT. I CAN HELP WITH THAT. 854 00:34:58,671 --> 00:35:00,406 [ LAUGHTER ] 855 00:35:00,406 --> 00:35:01,974 >> OKAY. DO YOU HAVE IDEAS? 856 00:35:01,974 --> 00:35:04,744 >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S ANGEL CITY, REALLY THINKING 857 00:35:04,744 --> 00:35:05,578 ANGELS, IT COULD BE ANY DEAD PERSON. 858 00:35:05,578 --> 00:35:06,512 [ LAUGHTER ] 859 00:35:06,512 --> 00:35:10,283 YOU KNOW? 860 00:35:10,283 --> 00:35:17,857 ANYONE DEAD WHO WE ALL LIKE. LIKE LINK REGIS WOULD BE GREAT. 861 00:35:17,857 --> 00:35:18,357 [ LAUGHTER ] 862 00:35:18,357 --> 00:35:20,960 "THE REGISES." SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 863 00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:22,728 SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT, ANYWAY. 864 00:35:22,728 --> 00:35:25,798 IF YOU NEED MORE IDEAS ‐‐ WHEN I TELL YOU ABOUT THE PIZZA I'LL 865 00:35:25,798 --> 00:35:26,933 THROW A FEW OUT THERE. 866 00:35:26,933 --> 00:35:27,667 [ LAUGHTER ] 867 00:35:27,667 --> 00:35:28,234 >> THANK YOU. 868 00:35:28,234 --> 00:35:30,870 >> Jimmy: "IN TREATMENT." THIS IS A SHOW, AS I RECALL, 869 00:35:30,870 --> 00:35:35,508 CORRECT ME IF I HAVE ANY OF THIS WRONG, IT WAS ON HBO, IT ENDED 870 00:35:35,508 --> 00:35:36,509 10 YEARS AGO? 871 00:35:36,509 --> 00:35:37,477 >> YES. 872 00:35:37,477 --> 00:35:38,778 >> Jimmy: EVERYBODY REALLY LIKED IT. 873 00:35:38,778 --> 00:35:41,080 THEN THEY STOPPED MAKING IT FOR WHATEVER REASON. 874 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:41,714 >> YES. 875 00:35:41,714 --> 00:35:44,917 >> Jimmy: AND NOW THEY DECIDED, OH, WE'VE MADE A MISTAKE, WE'RE 876 00:35:44,917 --> 00:35:46,085 GOING TO CONTINUE MAKING IT. 877 00:35:46,085 --> 00:35:46,652 >> CORRECT. 878 00:35:46,652 --> 00:35:49,322 >> Jimmy: DOES IT PICK UP WHERE THE OTHER ONE LEFT OFF? 879 00:35:49,322 --> 00:35:50,857 OR IT'S MORE INDIVIDUALIZED? 880 00:35:50,857 --> 00:35:52,325 >> IT'S MORE INDIVIDUALIZED. 881 00:35:52,325 --> 00:35:54,494 >> Jimmy: YES. YOU PLAY A PSYCHOLOGIST IN THIS? 882 00:35:54,494 --> 00:36:01,934 >> YES, I'M PLAYING GABRIEL 883 00:36:01,934 --> 00:36:06,105 BYRNES' CHARACTER ‐‐ I'M PLAYING THE THERAPIST LIKE GABRIEL BYRNE 884 00:36:06,105 --> 00:36:07,006 WAS PLAYING IN THE SHOW. 885 00:36:07,006 --> 00:36:08,808 >> Jimmy: GABRIEL BYRNE GOT FIRED? 886 00:36:08,808 --> 00:36:09,509 >> YES. 887 00:36:09,509 --> 00:36:09,842 [ LAUGHTER ] 888 00:36:09,842 --> 00:36:10,443 >> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT YOU WENT 889 00:36:10,443 --> 00:36:17,984 ALONG WITH THAT. 890 00:36:17,984 --> 00:36:21,587 GABRIEL DID SOMETHING TERRIBLE, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS. 891 00:36:21,587 --> 00:36:22,755 >> YOU'LL LEARN ABOUT IT. 892 00:36:22,755 --> 00:36:24,657 >> Jimmy: YOU'LL PROBABLY READ ABOUT IT. 893 00:36:24,657 --> 00:36:29,462 GABRIEL LEFT THE SHOW, NOW WHY YOU ‐‐ YOU ARE THE THERAPIST, 894 00:36:29,462 --> 00:36:31,931 YOU SIT IN THE ROOM, YOU HAVE INTENSE CONVERSATIONS. 895 00:36:31,931 --> 00:36:32,264 >> YEAH. 896 00:36:32,264 --> 00:36:34,433 >> Jimmy: DOES IT FEEL INTENSE WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT? 897 00:36:34,433 --> 00:36:35,234 WHEN YOU'RE ACTING? 898 00:36:35,234 --> 00:36:35,601 >> YEAH. 899 00:36:35,601 --> 00:36:36,302 >> Jimmy: IT DOES? 900 00:36:36,302 --> 00:36:37,270 >> IT DOES. 901 00:36:37,270 --> 00:36:39,472 >> Jimmy: DOES IT FEEL ‐‐ HAVE YOU HAD THERAPY YOURSELF? 902 00:36:39,472 --> 00:36:40,072 >> I HAVE. 903 00:36:40,072 --> 00:36:41,374 >> Jimmy: DOES IT FEEL LIKE THAT? 904 00:36:41,374 --> 00:36:46,078 >> YES. BUT LONGER. BECAUSE WE'RE IN LIKE ‐‐ WE HAVE 905 00:36:46,078 --> 00:36:47,046 LONGER DAYS. 906 00:36:47,046 --> 00:36:50,016 >> Jimmy: LONGER, AND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE SOMEBODY WALKS IN AND 907 00:36:50,016 --> 00:36:51,117 DOES THIS TO YOUR FACE. 908 00:36:51,117 --> 00:36:53,519 >> AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE I'M CRYING. 909 00:36:53,519 --> 00:36:56,989 >> Jimmy: WELL, THAT'S ‐‐ YEAH. I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING THAT. 910 00:36:56,989 --> 00:36:58,658 YOU'RE A FANTASTIC ACTOR. 911 00:36:58,658 --> 00:36:59,192 >> THANK YOU. 912 00:36:59,192 --> 00:37:01,694 >> Jimmy: MY WIFE AND I ALWAYS WATCH. 913 00:37:01,694 --> 00:37:03,029 >> Jimmy: ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK." 914 00:37:03,029 --> 00:37:03,896 >> THANK YOU. 915 00:37:03,896 --> 00:37:05,665 >> Jimmy: DO PEOPLE ALWAYS CALL YOU CRAZY EYES? 916 00:37:05,665 --> 00:37:06,732 HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH OF THAT? 917 00:37:06,732 --> 00:37:09,001 >> ABSOLUTELY, AND YES. 918 00:37:09,001 --> 00:37:09,335 [ APPLAUSE ] 919 00:37:09,335 --> 00:37:12,305 >> Jimmy: UZO ADUBA, "IN TREATMENT" PREMIERES MAY 23rd 920 00:37:12,305 --> 00:37:15,841 9:00 ON HBO AND HBO MAX. BE RIGHT BACK WITH MUSIC FROM 921 00:37:15,841 --> 00:37:19,979 THE MIDDLE KIDS. 922 00:37:19,979 --> 00:37:23,282 >> Dicky: "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" BROUGHT TO YOU BY BRB CHARMIN, 923 00:37:23,282 --> 00:37:26,036 WHEN YOU NEED TO ENJOY THE GO BUT DON'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW. 924 00:37:28,372 --> 00:37:30,307 >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS 925 00:37:30,307 --> 00:37:36,380 PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING. 926 00:37:36,380 --> 00:37:38,815 >> Jimmy: AND NOW WE GO TO "THE LAND DOWN UNDER, WHERE WOMEN 927 00:37:38,815 --> 00:37:40,317 GLOW AND MEN PLUNDER." THEIR ALBUM IS CALLED "TODAY 928 00:37:40,317 --> 00:37:42,519 WE'RE THE GREATEST," WITH THE SONG "QUESTIONS," MIDDLE KIDS! 929 00:37:42,519 --> 00:37:45,589 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 930 00:37:46,657 --> 00:38:02,306 ♪ 931 00:38:02,306 --> 00:38:03,574 ♪ HOW AM I SUPPOSED 932 00:38:03,574 --> 00:38:08,645 TO TRUST YOU WHEN YOU ARE LYING ALL THE TIME ♪ 933 00:38:08,645 --> 00:38:10,447 ♪ HOW AM I SUPPOSED 934 00:38:10,447 --> 00:38:15,686 TO KNOW YOU WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK ALL THE TIME ♪ 935 00:38:15,686 --> 00:38:18,322 ♪ AND I GOT QUESTIONS 936 00:38:18,322 --> 00:38:22,893 AND YOU GOT ANSWERS I'M NOT SURE IF THEY'RE FACT ♪ 937 00:38:22,893 --> 00:38:25,062 ♪ OR FICTION 938 00:38:25,062 --> 00:38:28,065 AND I GOT QUESTIONS AND YOU GOT ANSWERS 939 00:38:28,065 --> 00:38:29,333 AND I'M NOT SURE ♪ 940 00:38:29,333 --> 00:38:31,268 ♪ IF THEY'RE EVEN 941 00:38:31,268 --> 00:38:38,942 WORTH ASKING 942 00:38:38,942 --> 00:38:41,511 ♪ 943 00:38:41,511 --> 00:38:43,547 ♪ 944 00:38:43,547 --> 00:38:45,616 ♪ YOU ARE A LANCE STUCK INTO MY 945 00:38:45,616 --> 00:38:46,817 SIDE ♪ 946 00:38:46,817 --> 00:38:47,684 ♪ BLOOD AND WATER 947 00:38:47,684 --> 00:38:49,386 YOU MAKE ME CRY THE CROWD AROUND US 948 00:38:49,386 --> 00:38:58,595 WITH THEIR THUMBS DOWN ♪ 949 00:38:58,595 --> 00:38:59,396 ♪ THE KING IS SHAKING HIS 950 00:38:59,396 --> 00:39:02,899 HEAD CALLING FOR OUR ARREST AND I GOT QUESTIONS ♪ 951 00:39:02,899 --> 00:39:03,800 ♪ AND YOU GOT ANSWERS 952 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:06,870 I'M NOT SURE IF THEY'RE FACT OR FICTION 953 00:39:06,870 --> 00:39:09,873 AND I GOT QUESTIONS ♪ 954 00:39:09,873 --> 00:39:10,974 ♪ AND YOU GOT ANSWERS 955 00:39:10,974 --> 00:39:15,846 AND I'M NOT SURE IF THEY'RE EVEN WORTH ASKING ♪ 956 00:39:15,846 --> 00:39:31,962 ♪ 957 00:39:31,962 --> 00:39:44,975 ♪ 958 00:39:44,975 --> 00:39:46,743 ♪ CAN'T GET NO AIR WHEN 959 00:39:46,743 --> 00:39:48,512 YOU'RE WAY UP THERE THREE FEET AWAY 960 00:39:48,512 --> 00:39:52,549 CAN'T MAKE YOU STAY ♪ 961 00:39:52,549 --> 00:39:54,051 ♪ HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED 962 00:39:54,051 --> 00:39:57,554 TO DANCE AND KISS WHEN WE ARE SIGHING 963 00:39:57,554 --> 00:39:59,489 ALL THE TIME ♪ 964 00:39:59,489 --> 00:40:01,291 ♪ AND I GOT QUESTIONS 965 00:40:01,291 --> 00:40:06,963 AND YOU GOT ANSWERS I'M NOT SURE IF THEY'RE FACT OR FICTION ♪ 966 00:40:06,963 --> 00:40:09,199 ♪ AND I GOT QUESTIONS 967 00:40:09,199 --> 00:40:14,971 AND YOU GOT ANSWERS AND I'M NOT SURE 968 00:40:14,971 --> 00:40:15,739 IF THEY'RE EVEN ♪ 969 00:40:15,739 --> 00:40:23,013 ♪ WORTH ASKING 970 00:40:23,013 --> 00:40:23,378 ♪ 971 00:40:23,378 --> 00:40:28,785 ♪ 972 00:40:30,454 --> 00:40:31,894 >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS 973 00:40:31,894 --> 00:40:35,789 PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING. 974 00:40:37,754 --> 00:40:39,990 >> Jimmy: THANKS TO ROB MCELHENNEY, UZO ADUBA AND MIDDLE 975 00:40:39,990 --> 00:40:42,759 KIDS. APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. TOMORROW NIGHT WE HAVE JULIANNA 976 00:40:42,759 --> 00:40:47,397 MARGULIES AND DANIEL DAY KIM WITH US AND MUSIC FROM 977 00:40:47,397 --> 00:40:48,798 AMETHYST KIAH. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT. 978 00:40:48,798 --> 00:40:50,133 HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO AND YOU KNOW WHAT? HAPPY SEIS DE MAYO TOO. 979 00:40:50,133 --> 00:40:53,633 YOU EARNED IT.