>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!"
TONIGHT, ROB MCELHENNEY, UZO ADUBA, AND MUSIC FROM MIDDLE
KIDS. AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WELL. HOLA. I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST.
THANKS FOR WATCHING AND THANKS FOR JOINING OUTSIDE A VERY
SPECIAL DAY HERE IN LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA.
TODAY IS CINCO DE MAYO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT'S RIGHT. MOST AMERICANS THINK CINCO DE
MAYO IS MEXICAN INDEPENDENCE DAY, BUT IT'S NOT. IT IS ‐‐
GUILLE GUILLERMO, SHOULD I EXPLAIN?
>> Guillermo: YES. YOU'RE THE OWNER, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: CINCO DE MAYO IS THE DAY WHITE PEOPLE AND THEIR
COWORKERS ORDER MARGARITAS AT CHILI'S.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
ACTUALLY, NO. THIS IS A HISTORICALLY IMPORTANT
DAY FOR ALL NORTH AMERICANS. IT CELEBRATES MEXICO BEATING
BACK THE FRENCH AT THE BATTLE OF PUEBLA.
IF THE FRENCH HAD WON THAT BATTLE, THEY WOULD HAVE LIKELY
ALLIED WITH THE CONFEDERACY AND HELPED THE SOUTH WIN THE CIVIL
WAR. JUST WANTED TO MENTION THAT, BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE LATELY
NEED A REMINDER THAT THE SOUTH DIDN'T WIN THE CIVIL WAR.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SO WE HAVE A DEBT TO MEXICO FOR THAT.
GUILLERMO, WILL YOU BE PERMITTED TO DRINK AT HOME TONIGHT?
>> Guillermo: YES, A LITTLE BIT, BUT I WILL.
>> Jimmy: SPECIAL OCCASION?
>> Guillermo: YES.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, VERY GOOD. IT'S KIND OF FUNNY, THOUGH THAT
WE MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT OF CINCO DE MAYO, MEXICO DOESN'T.
IT WOULD BE LIKE FINDING OUT THE CANADIANS GET HAMMERED ON FLAG
DAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OF COURSE THE BIG ITEM IN THE NEWS TODAY, THE MAJOR
INTERNATIONAL STORY IS, THE ARTIST NOW FORMERLY KNOWN AS
DIDDY, AND ABOUT 200 OTHER THINGS, IS ONCE AGAIN CHANGING
HIS NAME. LEGALLY THIS TIME. AND HE'S GOT A DRIVER'S LICENSE
TO PROVE IT. P. SEAN "DIDDY" DADDY POSTED
THIS PHOTO OF HIS ACTUAL FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE WITH HIS NEW
MIDDLE NAME TODAY, WHICH IS "LOVE."
HIS NAME IS NOW SEAN LOVE COMBS. I LIKE IT.
IT WOULD BE FUNNIER IF IT WAS
SEAN LOVE HONEY COMBS, BUT ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHO EVEN KNEW FLORIDA HAD DRIVER'S LICENSES?
BY THE WAY, WE HAD TO BLUR SOME OF THE INFORMATION OUT, BUT BUT
THAT BACK OUT THERE. SEAN LOVE COMBS DID NOT.
HE POSTED HIS ADDRESS, HIS LICENSE NUMBER, EVERYTHING.
ALL WE NEED NOW IS THE ROUTING INFO FOR HIS CHECKING ACCOUNT,
AND HIS MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME. WE'LL HAVE EVERYTHING.
ALTHOUGH BY THE TIME WE GET IT, HE'LL PROBABLY CHANGE HIS NAME
AGAIN. HE'S GONE BY DIDDY, P. DIDDY,
PUFF DADDY, PUFF,
PUFFY, PUFFLEUPAGUS I THINK, AND NOW SEAN LOVE COMBS.
HE GOES THROUGH NAMES FASTER THAN MOST OF US GO THROUGH
ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH HEADS. SO THERE YOU HAVE IT.
THE '90s REALLY ARE BACK. IF YOU WERE DOUBTING THEY
WEREN'T, THEY ARE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
FACEBOOK TODAY ‐‐ ARE PEOPLE STILL ON FACEBOOK?
FACEBOOK UPHELD THEIR BAN OF DONALD TRUMP TODAY ‐‐
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AT LEAST FOR ANOTHER SIX MONTHS. ACCORDING TO THEIR OVERSIGHT
BOARD, THEY DELIBERATED AND DECIDED FOR THE TIME BEING TRUMP
WILL CONTINUE TO BE BLOCKED ON FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM, AND IN BED
WITH MELANIA, WHICH IS A WEIRD THING FOR THEM TO THROW IN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS HAS TO BE DRIVING HIM NUTS. IF TRUMP RUNS FOR PRESIDENT
AGAIN, HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO GO DOOR‐TO‐DOOR TALKING TO VOTERS
LIKE A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
"HELLO, MY NAME IS DONALD. HAVE YOU HEARD THE BAD NEWS
ABOUT MEXICANS?"
[ LAUGHTER ]
TRUMP HAS BEEN BANNED FROM FACEBOOK SINCE JANUARY 7th,
HIS PUNISHMENT FOR TRYING TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT IS THE
SAME YOU GIVE A TEENAGER FOR COMING HOME LATE AFTER CURFEW,
NO SOCIAL MEDIA FOR YOU!
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHICH IS KIND OF SAD BECAUSE TODAY MARKS THE FIVE YEAR
ANNIVERSARY OF WHAT I BELIEVE TO BE ONE OF HIS GREATEST POSTS OF
ALL‐TIME. "HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO! THE BEST TACO BOWLS ARE MADE IN
TRUMP TOWER GRILL. I LOVE HISPANICS!"
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
THAT'S A TWEET THAT REALLY HAS IT ALL.
IT'S GOT AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR HIS OWN RESTAURANT.
HE BRAZENLY AND RIDICULOUSLY TRIES TO PANDER TO HISPANICS.
IT'S GOT A PILE OF FOOD. IT'S GOT A GOLF TROPHY THERE FOR
SOME REASON. AND A SMILE THAT SAYS, IT'S MY
4th BIRTHDAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
A NUMBER OF TRUMPUBLICANS WEIGHED IN ON HIS FACEBOOK
BAN INCLUDING QANON‐GRESSWOMAN LAUREN BOEBERT WHO TWEETED,
"THIS MORNING, FACEBOOK BANNED TRUMP PERMANENTLY.
FACEBOOK WILL PAY THE PRICE. MARK MY WORDS."
THEN SHE ALMOST IMMEDIATELY DELETED THE TWEET.
NOTHING SAYS "MARK MY WORDS!" LIKE IMMEDIATELY DELETING THOSE
WORDS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
TRUMP IS LIKE A BULLHORN WITHOUT BATTERIES RIGHT NOW.
BUT HE IS TRYING TO CHANGE THAT WITH A NEW PAGE ON HIS WEBSITE
AND A HIGH‐END NEW VIDEO TO PROMOTE IT.
>> TWITTER PERMANENTLY BANNING THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF'S
PERSONAL ACCOUNT WITH 88 MILLION
FOLLOWERS.
♪
>> Jimmy: YOU SEE? IT SHOULD SAY "SAVE AMERICA FROM
PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP." BUT IT'S A SLOGAN NOW.
TRUMP CALLS THIS A PLATFORM, BUT IT'S REALLY JUST A WEBSITE THAT
HE CALLS "A PLACE TO SPEAK FREELY AND SAFELY."
THERE'S ONLY ONE PROBLEM, THE SITE DOESN'T ALLOW ANY REPLIES
OR COMMENTS OR LIKES. THE ONLY PERSON SPEAKING FREELY
OR EVEN AT ALL, IS HIM. FINALLY HE CAN SPEAK FREELY AND
SAFELY WITH HIMSELF ON HIS NEW ‐‐ I'M NOT 100% SURE BUT I
THINK HE JUST STARTED A BLOG, REALLY, IS ALL HE DID.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
A LOT OF HIS CHAMBERMAIDS DEFENDED HIM TODAY.
TED CRUZ WROTE, "DISGRACEFUL." AND BOY WOULD HE KNOW
DISGRACEFUL. SWEATY TEDDY POSTED THIS LAST
NIGHT. "HAD A GREAT DINNER TONIGHT WITH
PRESIDENT TRUMP AT MAR‐A‐LAGO. HE'S IN GREAT SPIRITS!
WE SPENT THE EVENING TALKING ABOUT WORKING TOGETHER TO
RE‐TAKE THE HOUSE AND SENATE IN 2022."
LET'S LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH A LITTLE BIT MORE CLOSELY.
FIRST OF ALL, LOOK AT TRUMP'S BODY LANGUAGE.
HE SO IS READY TO GO, HIS ASS IS HALF OFF THE SEAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THERE'S NOT A CHANCE THESE TWO "HAD DINNER."
HE GAVE TED CRUZ COUGH FEE COFFEE AND A GLASS OF WATER AND
SENT HIM TO THE MARRIOTT DOWN THE STREET.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT TABLE IS WHERE THEY SEAT YOU AT A WEDDING IN HELL.
WITH THOSE TWO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
TWITTER IS ROLLING OUT A NEW THING.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU NOTICED THIS. TWITTER HAS A FEATURE NOW THAT
WILL DOUBLE‐CHECK WITH YOU BEFORE YOU POST A MEAN OR
OFFENSIVE COMMENT. THE WAY IT WORKS IS AFTER YOU
WRITE YOUR TWEET, IF IT DETECTS ANYTHING UNTOWARD, YOU GET A
MESSAGE THAT SAYS "WANT TO REVIEW THIS BEFORE TWEETING?
WE'RE ASKING PEOPLE TO REVIEW REPLIES WITH POTENTIALLY HARMFUL
OR OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE." AND THEN YOU HAVE TO DECIDE IF
YOU STILL WANT TO TWEET WHAT YOU WROTE.
SOME PEOPLE ARE EXCITED ABOUT IT. SOME PEOPLE WANT TO GET ON THE
LIST. THIS WAS THE ONE COMMENT ON A
TECHCRUNCH ARTICLE ABOUT THIS. "CAN WE GET "NAZIFUR" ADDED TO
THE TOXICITY LIST?" IT'S USED BY FURRYS WHO WANT TO
DEMONIZE OTHER FURRYS WHO THEY HATE AND IT CAUSES THEM
IRREPARABLE REPUTATIONAL HARM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S RIGHT. IT CAUSES HARM TO THE
REPUTATIONS OF THOSE OF US WHO LIKE TO GET A HANDY IN A
SQUIRREL COSTUME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T THINK I LIKE THIS NEW
THING. TWITTER, WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO
MAKE THEIR LIVING READING MEAN TWEETS ON TELEVISION?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
DID ANYONE STOP TO THINK OF THEM? YOU KNOW BEFORE TWITTER, PEOPLE
HAD TO MOVE TO L. A. TO FIND MEAN PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT
THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT,
ERIC TRUMP WAS ON "HANNITY" LAST NIGHT.
HE'S APPARENTLY STILL WELCOME THERE.
WHILE HE WAS THERE HE RATTLED ON
ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE THINGS ARE
>> LUMBER IS GOING THROUGH THE ROOF, THE PRICE OF TWO BY FOURS,
$3 UNDER MY FATHER, NOW $9, $10. A PERSON WANTS TO BUILD A DECK,
IT COSTS THEM 4,000 BUCKS WHEN IT NEVER DID BEFORE.
>> Jimmy: HEAR THAT? ERIC TRUMP CAN'T GET WOOD
ANYMORE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
GO ON.
>> YOU'RE NOT SEEING THAT, YOU'RE SEEING A SLEEPY, QUIET,
RATHER BORING ADMINISTRATION IN THERE.
LOVE HIM OR NOT, YOU KNOW, THE ONE THING THAT NO AMERICAN WILL
EVER SAY IS THAT DONALD TRUMP DIDN'T GO TO WAR FOR THIS
COUNTRY EVERY SINGLE DAY.
>> Jimmy: NO, NO. HE WENT TO WAR WITH THIS COUNTRY
EVERY SINGLE DAY.
[ APPLAUSE ]
I LOVE THEIR NEW COMPLAINT IS THAT THE PRESIDENT IS BORING.
AS IF THIS IS A NEW SEASON OF "OZARK" OR SOMETHING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE'RE NOW MIDWAY THROUGH NATIONAL TEACHER APPRECIATION
WEEK. AND THIS IS HOW THEY SHOWED APPRECIATION THIS MORNING ON
"FOX & FRIENDS." BRIAN KILMEADE HAD ON A GROUP OF
KIDS WHO HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO GO TO SCHOOL BECAUSE OF COVID
RESTRICTIONS. AND HE DIDN'T EXACTLY GET WHAT
HE WAS EXPECTING, AT LEAST FROM ONE KID.
>> WE'RE VERY, VERY CLOSE TO GETTING BACK TO SCHOOL.
AND I THINK THAT THE WAY THAT OUR NEW PRESIDENT IS HANDLING
THINGS IS A VERY GOOD WAY. AND WE WOULD NOT HAVE GONE TO
THIS IF IT WERE STILL THE LAST PRESIDENT.
>> REALLY? THAT'S HARD TO BELIEVE, BECAUSE
THE LAST PRESIDENT WAS SAYING, I WANT EVERY KID BACK IN SCHOOL.
>> Jimmy: STICK TO THE SCRIPT, KID, YOU'LL GET ME IN TROUBLE!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: I'LL BE ON "ACCESS HOLLYWOOD" BEFORE THE END OF THE
SHOW! I LOVE THAT. FOUR PEOPLE WITH A SIXTH GRADE
EDUCATION SITTING AROUND HAVING A CONVERSATION.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
AS MORE AMERICANS GET VACCINATED, MASK USE IS GOING
DOWN. FEWER PEOPLE ARE WEARING MASKS.
VACCINATED PEOPLE ARE WEARING MASKS LESS, WHICH MAKES SENSE.
UNVACCINATED PEOPLE ARE ALSO NOT WEARING MASKS OUTSIDE.
LESS THAN HALF OF UNVACCINATED AMERICANS SAY THEY'RE WEARING
MASKS NOW. THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.
THAT'S LIKE, "BABY, WE DON'T NEED CONDOMS ANYMORE.
MY BUDDY JEFF JUST GOT A VASECTOMY."
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT DOESN'T APPLY TO YOU. WE HAVE COME A LONG WAY SINCE A
YEAR AGO THANKS TO PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW SCIENCE AND SCIENTISTS
AND DOCTORS AND ARE GENERALLY LOOKING OUT FOR THEIR FELLOW MAN.
FOR ANYONE WHO THOUGHT THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION HAD ANY
OF THIS FIGURED OUT, I WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU THAT THEY
MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT, IN A NEW HISTORY."F "THIS WEEK IN COVID ‐
>> THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY, AS WE BEGIN MAY 2020, PRESIDENT
TRUMP SOOTHES AN AILING NATION.
>> IT'S ALL WORKING OUT. IT'S ALL WORKING OUT.
IT'S HORRIBLE THAT WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT BUT IT'S ALL WORKING
OUT.
>> YES, EVERYTHING IS GOING GANGBUSTERS.
IF ONLY THE MEAN OLD MEDIA WAS ON BOARD.
>> I AM GREETED WITH A HOSTILE PRESS, THE LIKES OF WHICH NO
PRESIDENT HAS EVER SEEN. THEY ALWAYS SAID NOBODY GOT
TREATED WORSE THAN LINCOLN. I BELIEVE I AM TREATED WORSE.
>> PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS, ABE. OH, YES. THAT.
AND LET'S NOT FORGET WHO THIS HURTS MOST.
>> TO THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE LOST SOMEONE, THERE'S NOBODY THAT'S
TAKEN IT HARDER THAN ME.
>> NOBODY'S TAKEN IT HARDER. OR GOTTEN OVER IT FASTER.
>> WE'RE OPENING UP OUR COUNTRY AGAIN, AND THIS IS WHAT WE'RE
DOING. A REOPENING OF OUR COUNTRY, WHO
WOULD HAVE EVER THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO BE SAYING THAT?
REOPENING, REOPENING.
>> AMERICA'S BACK IN BUSINESS! BUT NOT EVERYONE LOVES THE PLAN.
NAMELY A NEFARIOUS GANG NAMED ‐‐
>> THE EXPERTS.
>> THE "EXPERTS." HOITY TOITY BRAINIACS WHO THINK
THEY KNOW BETTER THAN US.
>> LISTENING TO THE EXPERTS BEING WRONG ON EVERYTHING.
>> DON'T THESE EXPERTS TRUST THE AMERICAN PEOPLE?
>> THE EXPERTS HAVE BEEN TELLING US HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE.
>> YEAH, THOSE STUPID EXPERTS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NOW IT'S TIME FOR LAURA INGRAM'S ANALOGY CORNER.
>> AS ONE INFECTIOUS DISEASE DOC TOLD ME, TRYING TO STOP THIS
VIRUS WITH SOCIAL DISTANCING IS LIKE DRYING TO DRIVE A NAIL
THROUGH JELL‐O.
>> GREAT ONE, LAURA, WHAT NECESSARILY.
>> THERE'S MORE THAN AMPLE EVIDENCE HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE
SAVES LIVES.
>> RIGHT.
>> NOW THEY'RE SAYING 120,000, 134,000 COULD DIE BY COVID BY
AUGUST, WHAT?
>> YEAH. WHAT? WE'RE NOT GOING TO HIT THOSE
NUMBERS UNTIL ‐‐ JUNE. BUT IN THE MEANTIME, IT'S TIME
TO GET BACK TO WHAT REALLY MATTERS.
>> I WOULD HOPE THAT WITHIN MAYBE THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS
WE'LL BE ABLE TO DO RALLIES.
>> YES, RALLIES! LET'S GET OUT THERE AND SPREAD
UNTIL WE'RE DEAD! THIS HAS BEEN "THIS WEEK IN
COVID HISTORY."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THEY KILLED HERMAN CAIN AT THOSE RALLIES.
WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. UZO ADUBA IS HERE.
WE'VE GOT MUSIC FROM MIDDLE KIDS.
AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ROB MCELHENNEY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: HEY, WELCOME BACK. HAPPY CINCO DiMAIO.
TONIGHT, FROM "IN TREATMENT" ON HBO UZO ADUBA IS HERE.
THEN LATER, A FUN BAND FROM SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA, THEIR ALBUM
IS CALLED "TODAY WE'RE THE GREATEST," MUSIC FROM MIDDLE
KIDS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
TOMORROW NIGHT, JULIANNA MARGULIES AND DANIEL DAY KIM
WILL JOIN US, WITH MUSIC FROM AMETHYST KEY‐AH.
PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT TOO. YOU KNOW OUR FIRST GUEST FROM
14 SEASONS OF "IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA."
NOW HE'S TAKEN ON ANOTHER VERY FUNNY SHOW, SEASON 2 OF "MYTHIC
QUEST" PREMIERES FRIDAY ON APPLE
PLEASE WELCOME ROB McELHENNEY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> GUILLERMO, HOW ARE YOU? WELL, HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO.
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, YOU TOO. LOOK AT THAT, YOU CAME PREPARED.
>> I DID. I MAKE A SHOW ABOUT A BAR.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT.
>> IT IS CINCO DE MAYO, THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ON THE SHOW ‐‐
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: I KNOW, THAT'S CRAZY. IT REALLY SURPRISES ME, IT'S
YOUR FIRST TIME HERE.
>> IT'S THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE INVITED ME.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: IS IT REALLY? THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE TRUE.
>> SO I THOUGHT ‐‐ IF YOU WOULD, I WOULD LOVE TO START OFF THE
SHOW WITH A SHOT OF TEQUILA.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WELL, I'VE NEVER SAID ‐‐
>> Guillermo: YEAH, LET'S DO IT, RIGHT, YEAH!
>> Jimmy: THERE IS NO WORD FOR "NO" IN SPANISH.
THERE'S NO WORD FOR "NO."
>> Guillermo: NO, NO ‐‐
>> Jimmy: THEY HAVE TO USE OUR WORD BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE A
WORD FOR "NO," SO YES IS THE ANSWER, OR "SI" IS THE ANSWER,
RIGHT?
>> Guillermo: YES.
>> Jimmy: CAN HE SIT ON YOUR LAP OR IS THAT COVID UNFRIENDLY?
>> PLEASE.
>> Jimmy: NICE AND ICY, YEAH.
>> SALUD!
>> Jimmy: SALUD, HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
GRACIAS, AS THEY SAY.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU WANT ANY LIME OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT?
>> NO, COME ON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I THOUGHT I'D ‐‐ I DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU.
BY THE WAY, WHEN YOU'RE A COSTAR, IT'S ALWAYS FUNNY.
DANNY DEVITO, USUALLY HE'LL BRING A BOTTLE OF LIMONCELLO.
THE LAST TIME I REMEMBER BEING GENUINELY HAMMERED ON THIS SHOW
IS WHEN DANNY WAS HERE WITH THE LIMONCELLO.
YOU DON'T REALIZE, IT SNEAKS UP ON YOU, IT SNUCK UP ON ME FOR
SURE.
>> YES, YES. MAYBE WE CAN RECREATE THAT TODAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WELL.
>> WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES.
>> Jimmy: IT IS CINCO DE MAYO, AFTER ALL.
>> Guillermo: OH MY GOD.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. GUILLERMO? ALL RIGHT.
WE CAN GET RIDES HOME NO PROBLEM, RIGHT?
>> THE GOOD PEOPLE AT DISNEY WILL LOVE THIS.
>> Jimmy: HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
>> Guillermo: HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO, EVERYBODY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: OH, THAT'S LOVELY.
>> PEOPLE AT HOME ASSUME THAT'S WATER.
>> Jimmy: IT IS NOT WATER, NO.
>> YOU ASSUMED INCORRECTLY.
>> Jimmy: IT WAS WATER AT ONE TIME, IT AIN'T WATER ANYMORE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: SO YOU ARE ‐‐ HAVE YOU EVER WORKED UNDER THE INFLUENCE?
LIKE HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SITUATION WHERE YOU'VE BEEN
GENUINELY INTOXICATED OR UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ANYTHING AT
WORK?
>> WELL, SURE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE'VE BEEN KNOWN TO PARTY. HOWEVER THIS SEASON OF "MYTHIC
QUEST," WE HAD SNOOP DOGG AS A GUEST.
>> Jimmy: YES.
>> A GUEST STAR.
>> Jimmy: YES.
>> SNOOP DOES NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. HE ‐‐ HE SMOKES MARIJUANA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AS WE ALL KNOW.
>> Jimmy: WAIT, THERE'S NO GIN AND JUICE FOR SNOOP AT ALL?
>> WELL, I DON'T ‐‐ I THINK HE PASSED THAT TIME IN HIS LIFE.
>> Jimmy: OH, HE'S EVOLVED.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: AND HERE WE ARE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH.
AND SO SNOOP ‐‐ SO SNOOP AGREED TO COME ON THE SHOW.
AND ‐‐ WHICH WAS A SURPRISE TO ME. BUT WAS ‐‐ WE WERE SO HAPPY
ABOUT IT. AND ‐‐ AND HIS CALL TIME WAS
7:30 A. M. AND I ASSUMED, OKAY, WELL.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME HE'S GOING TO SHOW UP, HE CAN SHOW UP
WHENEVER HE WANTS, HE'S SNOOP. AND I'M THERE AROUND 7:15.
AND I GET A KNOCK ON MY DOOR FROM THE WARDROBE DEPARTMENT
SAYING, SNOOP'S WARDROBE IS HERE, DO YOU WANT TO TAKE A LOOK
AT IT? I GO INTO HIS TRAILER, I SEE IT
HANGING IN THE CLOSET. IT'S THIS SKIN‐TIGHT 6'4" MOCAP
SUIT ‐‐
>> Jimmy: I THINK WE HAVE A PICTURE.
>> YEAH. I'M LIKE, HE'S NOT GOING TO WEAR
THAT. BUT SURE ENOUGH, HE DID.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> HE DID. HE WAS GAME. SO ‐‐ I'M LIKE ‐‐ WELL ‐‐ AT THE
TIME, I DON'T KNOW HE'S GOING TO WEAR IT. IT'S LIKE 7:15, 7:20.
OKAY, LET ME FIGURE THIS OUT. ALL OF A SUDDEN I HEAR THE BUS,
HIS BUS IS ROLLING UP, HE'S EARLY. NOW I'M THINKING, OH, NO.
I'VE GOT TO GET HIM INTO WARDROBE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
I GET OUT, GO TO MY TRAILER. 15 MINUTES LATER, KNOCK ON THE
DOOR, SNOOP WANTS TO SEE YOU. OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M ASSUMING HE'S UNHAPPY ABOUT THE WARDROBE.
I WALK IN, HE'S ALREADY WEARING IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE GOES, WHAT'S UP, MAN? HEY, WHAT'S UP, SNOOP?
HE GOES, YOU WANT TO SMOKE A JOINT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WAS LIKE, WELL‐ YEAH, 7:30 A.M.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT IF SNOOP COMES TO YOUR PLACE OF BUSINESS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT TO SMOKE A JOINT, YOU SAY? YES.
SO I SAID YES.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> SO, BEING A RESPONSIBLE APPLE EMPLOYEE, WE COULDN'T DO IT ON
THE PREMISES. WE WENT TO HIS BUS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND HE HAD THREE ROLLED JOINTS. AND I DON'T USUALLY PARTAKE,
ESPECIALLY ON A WORKDAY, ESPECIALLY NOT AT 7:30 IN THE
MORNING. HOWEVER, AGAIN, WHEN SNOOP ASKS
YOU TO SMOKE, YOU SAY ‐‐
>> YES!
>> AGAIN, BEING VERY RESPONSIBLE, NORMALLY I'D LOVE
TO SHARE A JOINT, BUT IT'S COVID TIME.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> AGAIN, WE WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE EMPLOYEES.
I SMOKE AN ENTIRE ONE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
MYSELF. HOLD ON A SECOND.
IT TURNS OUT, IF SNOOP ASKS YOU TO SMOKE AT 7:30 IN THE MORNING
ON A WORKDAY, YOU SAY "NO."
[ LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE BY 7:46, I WAS ‐‐ I WAS HURTLING THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AT 30,000 MILES PER HOUR. DIRECTLY TOWARDS MARS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, BECAUSE IN ORDER FOR SNOOP TO GET HIGH, WHATEVER
HE'S SMOKING HAS TO BE OF THE HIGHEST POSSIBLE LEVEL AVAILABLE.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: AND WE HAVE ‐‐ I THINK WE HAVE THE CLIP OF THAT SCENE
THAT YOU SHOT WITH SNOOP.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: NOW LET'S WATCH IT VERY CLOSELY TOGETHER, SEE IF WE
CAN DETECT ANYTHING IN YOUR EYES.
>> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: HERE WE GO.
>> SNOOP! MR. DOGG, I'M A HUGE FAN.
>> THANKS, LITTLE GIRL.
>> I'M NOT A LITTLE GIRL, I'M AN ADULT WOMAN.
>> WHAT'S UP?
>> WHEN YOU RELEASING THAT ‐‐
>> WHEN YOU RELEASING THAT NEW ALBUM? SEE YOU.
>> I HAVE A PORSCHE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: YOU WERE ABLE TO TALK AND WALK AND EVERYTHING.
>> TURNS OUT ACTING ‐‐ FIRST OF ALL, ACTING IS NOT THAT HARD,
LET'S BE HONEST.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I KNOW YOU HAVE A LOT OF ACTORS ON HERE, BUT I'M GOING TO ‐‐
HERE'S THE SECRET, IT'S NOT THAT HARD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND WALKING. IS NOT THAT HARD EITHER.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. I STARTED WHEN I WAS 2.
>> THE PROBLEM FOR A LOT OF ACTORS IS WALKING AND TALKING AT
THE SAME TIME.
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH.
>> BUT NOW ‐‐ I MEAN, USUALLY I CAN HANDLE BOTH THOSE THINGS AT
THE SAME TIME. NOW YOU THROW IN WHATEVER SNOOP
SMOKES, AND WALKING, AND TALKING, AND ACTING, AT THE SAME
TIME. AND IT BECOMES VERY, VERY DIFFICULT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
VERY, VERY DIFFICULT.
>> Jimmy: I HAD THIS IDENTICAL EXPERIENCE WITH SNOOP DOGG.
AND PROBABLY EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF OUR STAFF HAS HAD THAT
EXPERIENCE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT MANY YEARS AGO, SNOOP WAS ON "THE MAN SHOW."
AND I HAD NEVER REALLY SMOKED ANYTHING BEFORE IN MY LIFE.
AND I WALKED IN HIS HOUSE. AND HE'S LIKE, DO YOU WANT TO
SMOKE? AND I DIDN'T WANT TO OFFEND HIM,
IT'S HIS RELIGION, AFTER ALL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND I DID SMOKE WITH HIM. AND THEN ALMOST INSTANTANEOUSLY
I SAID TO THE DIRECTOR, "I AM OF NO USE NOW."
[ LAUGHTER ]
"I NEED YOU TO HELP ME."
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: I WENT RIGHT INTO SNOOP'S REFRIGERATOR AND STARTED
EATING WHIPPED CREAM RIGHT OUT OF THE THING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND THEN WE HAD LUNCH. AND SNOOP HAD ORDERED CHICKEN.
AND I WAS JUST MOWING THROUGH A WHOLE BUCKET OF IT.
AND SNOOP WAS STANDING IN AWE, OFF TO THE SIDE, WITH HIS FRIEND.
AND I OVERHEARD HIM SAY, "MY NEPHEW DONE ATE SIX PIECES OF
CHICKEN ALREADY."
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> YOU GOT OFF EASY. YOU GOT OFF EASY BECAUSE I HAD
TO GO BACK TO WORK. ONLY ONE OF MY JOBS IS BEING AN
ACTOR. AND AGAIN ‐‐
>> Jimmy: OH, BECAUSE YOU ‐‐
>> ACTING IS NOT THAT HARD.
>> Jimmy: BECAUSE YOU'RE THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER.
>> YES. SNOOP LEAVES, GOOD‐BYE, LITTLE
BOY! I'M LIKE, BYE, DAD! AGAIN, I'M LIKE ‐‐ I'M WELL PAST
NEPTUNE, I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM. NOW I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK,
NOT ON CAMERA WHERE YOU CAN KIND OF FAKE IT.
I HAVE TO BE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER. I HAD A CALL SCHEDULED FOR NOON
THAT DAY. WHICH WAS LUNCH. TO GO OVER A LINE ITEM BUDGET
WITH THE STUDIO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND MY ASSISTANT CAME AND UP SAID, YOU KNOW, SHOULD WE
RESCHEDULE? AND I WAS LIKE ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
GOT IT. WE'RE HAVING THAT. AND I ‐‐ APPARENTLY I HAD A
BLAST, BECAUSE I WAS JUST LIKE, SURE! YES! SPEND!
WHATEVER, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!
>> NO PROBLEM.
>> NO PROBLEM!
>> Jimmy: ROB McELHENNEY IS WITH US, "MYTHIC QUIST."
HIS LATEST SHOW I SHOULD SAY. BE RIGHT BACK WITH ROB RIGHT
AFTER THIS.
>>> OH, NO, I HAVE TO SET UP THE BRB CHARMIN FOR THE MEETING!
PRERECORD MYSELF, HIT ACTIVATE, THEN BOY.
THANK YOU, CHARMIN!
>> ARE YOU LISTENING?
>> Dicky: ENJOY THE GO, NO ONE WILL KNOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: MUSIC BY ADUBA COMING UP. ROB McELHENNEY IS WITH US,
SEASON 2 OF "MYTHIC QUEST" PREMIERES FRIDAY ON APPLE TV
PLUS ‐‐ EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?
>> I MADE A MISTAKE. TAKING A SHOT OF TEQUILA ‐‐ I'M
NOT CONTRACTUALLY ALLOWED TO DRINK TEQUILA ON TELEVISION.
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I DIDN'T KNOW, SORRY ABOUT THAT.
>> I GOT A CALL.
>> Jimmy: FROM WHO?
>> FROM MY PARTNER. RYAN REYNOLDS AND HIS LAWYER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M ONLY ALLOWED TO DRINK ‐‐ AVIATION GIN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, WHICH IS HIS ‐‐
>> WHICH IS AMERICA'S GIN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IS IT?
>> IT'S THE MOST DELICIOUS GIN. ON EARTH.
>> Jimmy: OH, SO YOU'VE ‐‐ OH, SO ‐‐
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, MAN.
LOOK, I BOUGHT A FOOTBALL TEAM WITH THIS GUY.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT.
>> AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW, IT TURNS OUT I DON'T READ THE FINE
PRINT IN THE CONTRACTS. NOW I HAVE TO HAWK THIS GIN.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU AR OWNER OF AVIATION GIN?
> I DON'T GET ANYTHING.
>> Jimmy: YOU GET NOTHING FOR THIS?
>> I GET NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE CONTRACTUALLY BOUND TO ENDORSE AND IT DRINK IT
IN PUBLIC, BUT YOU DO NOT GET ANYTHING FROM IT? WOW.
>> YES. UNFORTUNATELY ‐‐ WELL.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK. I THINK I HAVE TO DRINK ‐‐ I
THINK I CAN MAKE IT BETTER IF I DRINK THIS.
>> Jimmy: YOU THINK IF WE ‐‐ WE HAD TWO SHOTS OF TEQUILA, SHOULD
WE HAVE THREE SHOTS OF AVIATION?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> OKAY, GUILLERMO. NOW JUST SO AMERICA THINKS THAT
WE'RE ‐‐ THAT THIS IS WATER, I'M GOING TO BREAK THE SEAL.
>> Jimmy: WHAT A COINCIDENCE, THAT YOU WOULD HAVE THESE EMPTY
GLASSES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Guillermo: ALWAYS READY, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU HATE LIME.
>> I'M ASSUMING THAT THESE ARE ‐‐ THIS IS MY GLASS?
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE GOING TO GET SUED BY THE LIME PEOPLE, I'M
SURE THEY DO NOT LIKE THAT YOU KEEP DISCARDING ‐‐ OKAY, ALL
RIGHT, THOSE ARE HEAVY SHOTS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HOW HEAVY ‐‐ WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH LIKE HOSPITALIZATION TYPE OF HEAVY,
YEAH, BUT OKAY. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
>> OKAY, NOW HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
>> Guillermo: HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
>> Jimmy: HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO TO YOU, RYAN, WHEREVER YOU ARE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
REALLY GOOD.
>> THAT'S REALLY GOOD. NOTHING LIKE CELEBRATING CINCO
DE MAYO WITH ‐‐ I'VE AAVIATION !
>> Jimmy: PEOPLE CELEBRATING CINCO DE MAYO WITH GIN OF ALL
THINGS.
>> YEAH. DO YOU MIND IF I PUT IT DOWN
HERE? BECAUSE I THINK IF I PUT IT UP
THERE ‐‐
>> Jimmy: YOU DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO.
>> IF HE TEXTS ME DURING THIS, I HAVE TO PUT IT BACK UP ON THE
TABLE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I READ ‐‐ THIS IS SOMETHING I HAPPENED TO READ ON
MY OWN AND HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT YOU WERE
BOOKED HERE ON THE SHOW. YOU DID AN INTERVIEW WITH RYAN.
YOU GUYS KIND OF INTERVIEWED EACH OTHER FOR "MEN'S HEALTH"
MAGAZINE. THERE YOU OR THE COVER OF "MEN'S
HEALTH" MAGAZINE, STRONGER THAN EVER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
RYAN AND YOU, YOU GUYS DID SOMETHING THAT IS ‐‐ I'M
GUESSING MAYBE YOUR WIVES WERE WONDERING WHY YOU WOULD DO
SOMETHING LIKE THIS. YOU BOUGHT, AS YOU MENTIONED, A
FOOTBALL TEAM. SAY SOCCER.ALL, IN AMERICA WE ‐
THIS IS IN WALES. AS I UNDERSTAND, THIS IS THE
THIRD ‐‐ I'M STARTING TO GET DRUNK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> I LOVE IT, THIS IS GREAT.
>> Jimmy: YOU ‐‐ YOU BUY FOOTBALL TEAM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE TEAM THAT YOU BOUGHT?
>> THE NAME OF THE TEAM IS THE REXHAM RED DRAGONS.
>> Jimmy: HOW DO YOU MEET RYAN REYNOLDS?
>> I MET HIM VIA SOCIAL MEDIA.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
>> ONE DAY I GOT A ‐‐ A DIRECT MESSAGE FROM HIM.
>> Jimmy: HE SLID INTO YOUR DMs?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THIS TALL, HANDSOME GENTLEMAN SLID DIRECTLY INTO MY DMs AND
SAID, I'M A BIG FAN OF YOURS. I SAID, THIS IS INTRIGUING.
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH.
>> AND WE JUST BECAME FRIENDS THAT WAY.
AND THEN I REALIZED I'D KNOWN HIM FOR YEARS BUT WE HAD NEVER
MET IN PERSON, WE JUST KIND OF ‐‐ WE WERE TEXT BUDDIES.
I HAD THIS IDEA TO BUY A FOOTBALL TEAM OVER IN THE UK.
AND I THOUGHT, WELL, RYAN'S PRETTY ENTREPRENEURIAL, MAYBE HE
MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN THAT. I TEXTED HIM, ASKED HIM IF HE'D
BE INTO IT, HE SAID YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU'D NOT MET AT THIS TIME?
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: YOU BUY THIS TEAM WITH THIS GUY.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: BASED ON THIS NONRELATIONSHIP, REALLY, LET'S
BE HONEST.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP.
THEN YOU MET HIM WHEN?
>> I MET HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME TWO WEEKS AGO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: TWO WEEKS AGO?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT A JOKE?
>> NO, THAT'S NOT A JOKE. WE JUST MET WHEN WE SHOT A PROMO
FOR THE CLUB. TWO WEEKS AGO.
>> Jimmy: HOW DID IT GO BETWEEN YOU, MEETING AFTER ALL THOSE DMs?
>> IF I'M HONEST, I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW, LOOK. I GOT SOLD A BILL OF GOODS.
I WAS TOLD THAT HE WAS ONE OF THE NICEST PEOPLE IN HOLLYWOOD.
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH.
>> HE'S FINE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE'S FINE. HE'S FINE.
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, I HAD A DM FROM RYAN REYNOLDS ONCE, WHO I
DON'T REALLY KNOW. I MET HIM ONCE MANY YEARS AGO
AND HE SAID, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU NEXT WEEK.
AND I THOUGHT, OH, I DIDN'T KNOW HE'S ON THE SHOW NEXT WEEK.
I LOOKED AT OUR SCHEDULE, HE'S NOT ON THE SHOW NEXT WEEK,
WHAT'S GOING ON? HE WAS CONFUSING ME WITH JIMMY
FALLON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
YEAH, WE DIDN'T BUY A TEAM TOGETHER.
>> HE WAS CONFUSED ‐‐ YEAH. SO YEAH.
>> Jimmy: LOOK AT YOU, THOUGH, OH MY GOD.
I MEAN, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
>> HERE'S WHAT'S GREAT ABOUT THIS. ACTORS.
WE CAN PRETEND TO BE ANYTHING. I CAN PRETEND TO BE TOUGH, LOOK
HOW TOUGH I AM! I CAN BOX.
>> Jimmy: YOU CAN'T PRETEND TO BE MUSCULAR.
>> WELL, THAT'S TRUE.
>> Jimmy: YOU REALLY CAN'T. ARE YOU USING A CLIPPER ON YOUR
CHEST?
>> THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION. I DON'T KNOW ‐‐ I WAS CLEARLY
GROOMED FOR THIS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> I THINK IT'S A CLIPPER. I THINK I TOOK IT DOWN BUT NOT
OFF.
>> Jimmy: I GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
MAYBE IT'S JUST THE ALCOHOL TALKING.
BUT WHEN I SEE YOU IN THESE PICTURES, THEN I THINK ABOUT
KUMAYO AND CHRIS PRATT AND THESE FUNNY GUYS, IT PUTS A LOT OF
PRESSURE ON ME.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE.
>> OH. WELL.
>> Jimmy: IS THAT SOMETHING YOU CONSIDERED?
>> IT IS YOUR SHOW, I GUESS WE CAN TALK ABOUT WHATEVER YOU WANT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT I THOUGHT I WAS ‐‐ I THOUGHT I WAS THE GUEST.
>> Jimmy: WELL, IT'S VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU.
YOUR SHOW IS HILARIOUS, BY THE WAY. IT'S ON APPLE TV PLUS.
IT'S CALLED "MYTHIC QUEST." IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT, SEASON 2
PREMIERES ON FRIDAY. THAT'S ROB McELHENNEY, I CAN
BARELY READ, ROB McELHENNEY, EVERYBODY!
BE BACK WITH USE ZO ADUBA!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: MUSIC FROM MIDDLE KIDS IS ON THE WAY.
OUR NEXT GUEST IS THE THREE‐TIME EMMY‐WINNING ACTOR KNOWN AS
"CRAZY EYES" ON NETFLIX'S LONG‐RUNNING SERIES "ORANGE IS
THE NEW BLACK." NOW SHE STARS IN THE
LONG‐AWAITED FOURTH SEASON OF "IN TREATMENT."
IT PREMIERES MAY 23rd ON HBO AND HBO MAX.
PLEASE WELCOME UZO ADUBA.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: HOW'S IT GOING?
>> I'M GREAT, HOW ARE YOU?
>> Jimmy: I'M GOOD, I'M DOING WELL.
>> YES?
>> Jimmy: I'M A LITTLE HEATED UP, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I HEARD YOU JUST MOVED HERE TO LOS ANGELES?
>> I DID JUST MOVE HERE.
>> Jimmy: LIKE OFFICIALLY, PERMANENTLY, YOU LIVE HERE?
>> I PERMANENTLY MOVED HERE, JUST LIKE YESTERDAY, MOVED IN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WOW, WELCOME.
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: YOU WERE IN BROOKLYN BEFORE THAT?
>> I WAS IN BROOKLYN BEFORE THAT. CAN I JUST SAY, I LOVE YOUR
SHOW.
>> Jimmy: OH, THANK YOU.
>> I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S VERY NICE.
>> I LOVE WHEN YOU GUYS COME TO BROOKLYN.
>> Jimmy: WE LOVE COMING TO BROOKLYN, WE LOVE THAT.
THAT'S SOMETHING WE REALLY MISSED LAST YEAR.
>> I KNOW.
>> Jimmy: MORE THAN ANYBODY ANYTHING, AS FAR AS COVID GOES.
>> I BELIEVE IT.
>> Jimmy: MORE THAN MY PARENTS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
ARE YOU ACCLIMATING? DO YOU KNOW L. A., DO YOU KNOW
THE AREA?
>> I ‐‐ SORT OF. NOT REALLY.
FROM LIKE A LIVING PERSPECTIVE. I'M TRYING TO FIND MY BROOKLYN
IN LOS ANGELES.
>> Jimmy: YOU WILL NOT FIND THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I BELIEVE YOU. BUT I'M TRYING TO.
I WANT TO FIND MY BROOKLYN PIZZA.
>> Jimmy: AH.
>> I WANT TO FIND MY BROOKLYN BAGELS.
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> I WANT TO FIND ‐‐
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> I'M WELCOMING ANY ADVICE THAT YOU HAVE.
>> Jimmy: BAGELS, THERE'S A REALLY GOOD PLACE CALLED POP'S
BAGELS, A REALLY GOOD BAGEL. PEDE ZARKS I'LL GIVE YOU MY
PIZZA CHOICES OFF THE AIR, HONESTLY, I AM SO REVERED AT AN
AUTHORITY ON PIZZA ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT COULD CLOSE DOWN BUSINESSES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW, IT REALLY COULD BE DEVASTATING IF I DON'T MENTION
CERTAIN NAMES. BUT YES, I WILL BE GLAD TO SHARE
THAT STUFF WITH YOU FOR SURE.
>> I WILL HAPPILY TAKE IT.
>> Jimmy: YES, THAT'S ALL THE RIGHT STUFF, YOU KNOW.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: BAGELS ARE SO UNDERRATED.
EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE BELOVED IN NEW YORK, LIKE IN OTHER PLACES,
LIKE THEY JUST ‐‐ THEY MAKE ROUND BREAD AND THEY TELL YOU
IT'S A BAGEL AND IT'S NOT A BAGEL.
>> IT'S NOT. IS IT A MUFFIN?
THAT'S KIND OF WHAT I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE GIVING ME.
>> Jimmy: I HAVE A GIFT AS A NEW RESIDENT OF LOS ANGELES.
>> WHAT IS ‐‐ OH MY GOSH.
>> Jimmy: WE PUT YOUR FACE ON IT.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> WHAT?
>> Jimmy: SOMETHING I HOPE YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE.
>> WHAT IS THIS?
>> Jimmy: IT'S AN EARTHQUAKE KIT.
>> OH, YES.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE?
>> NO, WHAT DO YOU EVEN IN ADDITION ‐‐
>> Jimmy: YOU NEED EVERYTHING. THERE'S FIRST AID STUFF IN THERE.
THERE'S LIKE EMERGENCY RATIONS AND THAT KIND OF STUFF.
>> OH MY GOD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU HAVE TO HAVE THAT.
>> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: YOU EVER GET HIT BY AN EARTHQUAKE?
>> I'VE NEVER ‐‐ I WAS IN AN EARTHQUAKE, IN NEW YORK.
WE HAD ONE LIKE 12 YEARS AGO. IT DOESN'T COUNT.
>> Jimmy: THOSE ARE CUTE RUMBLES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN AN EARTHQUAKE WHEN YOU'RE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR
AND YOU RUN OUT ONTO THE LAWN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S WHEN IT'S AN EARTH CAGE.
>> I HAD AN EARTHQUAKE, IN NEW YORK WHEN WE HAD THE EARTHQUAKE,
I HAD BEEN SICK EARLIER THAT WEEK.
AND SO I WAS FEELING BETTER, THEN I STOOD UP AND I STARTED
FEELING VERY DIZZY. I THOUGHT I WAS SWAYING.
AM I SICK AGAIN? AM I FEELING SICK AGAIN?
I WAS LIKE ‐‐ I THINK WE'RE HAVING AN EARTHQUAKE ‐‐ I
STARTED HEARING THE DISHES RATTLING, IT WAS CRAZY.
>> Jimmy: IT'S SCARY WHEN AN EARTHQUAKE HAPPENS.
YOU NEVER FORGET THAT FIRST ONE. I WANT YOU TO THINK OF ME, GOD
FORBID IT HAPPENS, BUT IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ALL OF US.
>> IN MY FIRST EARTHQUAKE.
>> Jimmy: WHERE ARE YOU FROM ORIGINALLY?
>> ORIGINALLY FROM BOSTON, SOX.
[ APPLAUSE ]
BY WAY OF NIGERIA, MY FAMILY IS FROM NIGERIA.
>> Jimmy: IT'S CRAZY THAT WE HAVE TWO OWNERS OF FOOTBALL
TEAMS AS THEY CALL IT, SOCCER TEAMS AS WE CALL IT, YOU'RE ONE
OF THE OWNERS OF A NEW TEAM HERE IN L. A.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
>> I DON'T KNOW. NO. I GOT A PHONE CALL.
I GOT A PHONE CALL SAYING IF I WOULD WANT TO SUPPORT WOMEN'S
SPORTS.
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH.
>> A WOMEN'S SOCCER TEAM. I GREW UP PLAYING SPORTS, I RAN
TRACK, I COMPETED COMPETITIVELY IN FIGURE SKATING. I LOVE SPORTS.
I JUST WANTED A SPACE TO EXIST FOR OTHER WOMEN, YOUNG GIRLS
ESPECIALLY, AND BOYS QUITE FRANKLY, TOFFEE MAIL SUPERSTARS,
SUPER ATHLETES.
>> Jimmy: IT'S THE ANGEL CITY FOOTBALL CLUB.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WHEN DO THEY START PLAYING?
>> AFTER COVID IS DONE.
>> Jimmy: I SEE, POSTPONED BECAUSE OF COVID.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: WHERE WILL THEY BE PLAYING?
>> HERE IN LOS ANGELES, IN PROPER LOS ANGELES.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU GOING TO GO TO ALL THE GAMES?
>> I'M GOING TO TRY TO, WHEN I'M IN TOWN, I LOVE SPORTS, I LOVE
SOCKER.
>> YOU LIVE HERE, YOU'LL ALWAYS BE IN TOWN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> EXACTLY, EXACTLY.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S FUN. THAT SEEMS LIKE A FUN THING TO
BE A PART OF.
>> YEAH, I THINK IT'S PRETTY COOL.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE A MASCOT YET FOR THE TEAM?
>> WE DON'T.
>> Jimmy: YOU DON'T?
>> NOT JUST YET, NO.
>> Jimmy: OH, GREAT. I CAN HELP WITH THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OKAY. DO YOU HAVE IDEAS?
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S ANGEL CITY, REALLY THINKING
ANGELS, IT COULD BE ANY DEAD PERSON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW?
ANYONE DEAD WHO WE ALL LIKE. LIKE LINK REGIS WOULD BE GREAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
"THE REGISES." SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT, ANYWAY.
IF YOU NEED MORE IDEAS ‐‐ WHEN I TELL YOU ABOUT THE PIZZA I'LL
THROW A FEW OUT THERE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: "IN TREATMENT." THIS IS A SHOW, AS I RECALL,
CORRECT ME IF I HAVE ANY OF THIS WRONG, IT WAS ON HBO, IT ENDED
10 YEARS AGO?
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: EVERYBODY REALLY LIKED IT.
THEN THEY STOPPED MAKING IT FOR WHATEVER REASON.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: AND NOW THEY DECIDED, OH, WE'VE MADE A MISTAKE, WE'RE
GOING TO CONTINUE MAKING IT.
>> CORRECT.
>> Jimmy: DOES IT PICK UP WHERE THE OTHER ONE LEFT OFF?
OR IT'S MORE INDIVIDUALIZED?
>> IT'S MORE INDIVIDUALIZED.
>> Jimmy: YES. YOU PLAY A PSYCHOLOGIST IN THIS?
>> YES, I'M PLAYING GABRIEL
BYRNES' CHARACTER ‐‐ I'M PLAYING THE THERAPIST LIKE GABRIEL BYRNE
WAS PLAYING IN THE SHOW.
>> Jimmy: GABRIEL BYRNE GOT FIRED?
>> YES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT YOU WENT
ALONG WITH THAT.
GABRIEL DID SOMETHING TERRIBLE, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS.
>> YOU'LL LEARN ABOUT IT.
>> Jimmy: YOU'LL PROBABLY READ ABOUT IT.
GABRIEL LEFT THE SHOW, NOW WHY YOU ‐‐ YOU ARE THE THERAPIST,
YOU SIT IN THE ROOM, YOU HAVE INTENSE CONVERSATIONS.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: DOES IT FEEL INTENSE WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT?
WHEN YOU'RE ACTING?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: IT DOES?
>> IT DOES.
>> Jimmy: DOES IT FEEL ‐‐ HAVE YOU HAD THERAPY YOURSELF?
>> I HAVE.
>> Jimmy: DOES IT FEEL LIKE THAT?
>> YES. BUT LONGER. BECAUSE WE'RE IN LIKE ‐‐ WE HAVE
LONGER DAYS.
>> Jimmy: LONGER, AND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE SOMEBODY WALKS IN AND
DOES THIS TO YOUR FACE.
>> AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE I'M CRYING.
>> Jimmy: WELL, THAT'S ‐‐ YEAH. I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING THAT.
YOU'RE A FANTASTIC ACTOR.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: MY WIFE AND I ALWAYS WATCH.
>> Jimmy: ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK."
>> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: DO PEOPLE ALWAYS CALL YOU CRAZY EYES?
HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH OF THAT?
>> ABSOLUTELY, AND YES.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: UZO ADUBA, "IN TREATMENT" PREMIERES MAY 23rd
9:00 ON HBO AND HBO MAX. BE RIGHT BACK WITH MUSIC FROM
THE MIDDLE KIDS.
>> Dicky: "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" BROUGHT TO YOU BY BRB CHARMIN,
WHEN YOU NEED TO ENJOY THE GO BUT DON'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW.
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: AND NOW WE GO TO "THE LAND DOWN UNDER, WHERE WOMEN
GLOW AND MEN PLUNDER." THEIR ALBUM IS CALLED "TODAY
WE'RE THE GREATEST," WITH THE SONG "QUESTIONS," MIDDLE KIDS!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
♪ HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO TRUST YOU WHEN YOU ARE LYING ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO KNOW YOU WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ AND I GOT QUESTIONS
AND YOU GOT ANSWERS I'M NOT SURE IF THEY'RE FACT ♪
♪ OR FICTION
AND I GOT QUESTIONS AND YOU GOT ANSWERS
AND I'M NOT SURE ♪
♪ IF THEY'RE EVEN
WORTH ASKING
♪
♪ YOU ARE A LANCE STUCK INTO MY
SIDE ♪
♪ BLOOD AND WATER
YOU MAKE ME CRY THE CROWD AROUND US
WITH THEIR THUMBS DOWN ♪
♪ THE KING IS SHAKING HIS
HEAD CALLING FOR OUR ARREST AND I GOT QUESTIONS ♪
♪ AND YOU GOT ANSWERS
I'M NOT SURE IF THEY'RE FACT OR FICTION
AND I GOT QUESTIONS ♪
♪ AND YOU GOT ANSWERS
AND I'M NOT SURE IF THEY'RE EVEN WORTH ASKING ♪
♪
♪ CAN'T GET NO AIR WHEN
YOU'RE WAY UP THERE THREE FEET AWAY
CAN'T MAKE YOU STAY ♪
♪ HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO DANCE AND KISS WHEN WE ARE SIGHING
ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ AND I GOT QUESTIONS
AND YOU GOT ANSWERS I'M NOT SURE IF THEY'RE FACT OR FICTION ♪
♪ AND I GOT QUESTIONS
AND YOU GOT ANSWERS AND I'M NOT SURE
IF THEY'RE EVEN ♪
♪ WORTH ASKING
♪
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: THANKS TO ROB MCELHENNEY, UZO ADUBA AND MIDDLE
KIDS. APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. TOMORROW NIGHT WE HAVE JULIANNA
MARGULIES AND DANIEL DAY KIM WITH US AND MUSIC FROM
AMETHYST KIAH. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT.
HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO AND YOU KNOW WHAT? HAPPY SEIS DE MAYO TOO.
YOU EARNED IT.