>>> FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S JIMMY KIMMEL!
TONIGHT, SEAN HAYES, CASEY WILSON, AND NEW MUSIC FROM JASON
ALDEAN. AND NOW JIMMY KIMMEL!
>> Jimmy: HI, EVERYONE. THANK YOU, HI, I'M JIMMY.
I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW. THANKS FOR WATCHING.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. WELL, THAT'S NICE BECAUSE I TELL
YOU SOMETHING. HERE IN THE UNITED STATES,
THINGS ARE REALLY LOOKING UP. THERE IS A NEW SENSE OF
OPTIMISM, THE LIKES OF WHICH WE HAVE NOT BEEN FELT IN QUITE SOME
TIME. ACCORDING TO A NEW ABC NEWS
POLL, AMERICANS ARE MORE HOPEFUL ABOUT THE FUTURE THAN THEY HAVE
BEEN IN 15 YEARS. SINCE 2006. OF COURSE, THAT POLL WAS
CONDUCTED BEFORE WE FOUND OUT ELON MUSK IS HOSTING "SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE." WE'LL SEE IF IT HOLDS UP.
64% OF AMERICANS SAY THEY LIKE THE WAY THINGS ARE HEADED, AND
NOT ONLY ARE WE FEELING MORE OPTIMISTIC, WE'RE ALSO GETTING
MORE AMOROUS.
SALES OF CONDOMS HAVE
YOU KNOW THOSE THINGS, RIGHT? HAVE SKYROCKETED OVER THE PAST
MONTH. CONDOM SALES ARE UP 24%. AND WHY NOT?
YOU'RE AT WALGREENS GETTING YOUR VACCINATION ANYWAY.
MIGHT AS WELL PICK UP A TWELVE PACK OF WHITE CLAW AND A CARTON
OF DUREX TOO. RIGHT, GUILLERMO?
>> Guillermo: THAT'S RIGHT, JIMMY, YES.
>> Jimmy: HERE IN LOS ANGELES, AS OF TODAY, OUR PUBLIC
LIBRARIES ARE OPEN ONCE AGAIN. FINALLY, YOU CAN GO INDOORS AND
READ A BOOK. PLAYGROUNDS ARE OPEN TOO.
I'M GLAD THE PLAYGROUNDS ARE OPEN.
I WAS GETTING TIRED OF DRESSING THE KIDS IN PAW PATROL COSTUMES
AND TAKING THEM TO THE DOG PARK. EVEN JOE BIDEN TOOK A FIELD TRIP
TODAY. THE PRESIDENT POPPED INTO A
FIFTH GRADE CLASS AT YORKTOWN ELEMENTARY IN VIRGINIA THIS
MORNING, FOR A QUICK VISIT WITH THE KIDS.
>> WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YO GROW UP?
>> I WANT TO BE A FASHION DESIGNER.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> A FASHION DESIGNER.
>> PRETTY GOOD. HOW ABOUT YOU?
>> A BARRISTA.
>> A BARISTA, THAT'S GOOD.
>> A CHEF.
>> A CHEF, WHOA! ALL BE DARNED.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE?
>> I WANT TO BE A FUNERAL DIRECTOR.
I ENJOY WORKING WITH DEAD BODIES.
>> HOLY COW.
>> Jimmy: WOW, KIDS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS, DON'T THEY?
DID YOU SEE THE BIG SPACEXTRAVAGANZA YESTERDAY?
THE CREW ABOARD THE "SPACEX DRAGON" SUCCESSFULLY
SPLASHED DOWN AFTER SIX MONTHS IN ORBIT.
AND THEY GOT A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE. THAT'S THE THING ABOUT
ASTRONAUTS, THOUGH. THEY'RE ALL LIKE I'M GOING TO
THE MOON, BUT SOONER OR LATER, THEY ALWAYS COME BACK.
THEY COME CRAWLING BACK TO EARTH. THIS WAS THE FIRST MANNED
NIGHTTIME LANDING SINCE 1968, AND IT WENT GREAT.
ALL FOUR ASTRONAUTS WERE RECOVERED IN ONE PIECE.
IT'S A LOT EASIER FOR THESE THINGS TO SPLASH DOWN NOW THAT
THE OCEAN IS FILLED WITH PACKING PEANUTS. IT'S SAFER.
BY THE WAY, THIS IS FUNNY. I GOOGLED THIS TODAY.
THESE ARE THE FIRST TWO QUESTIONS THAT POP UP WHEN YOU
SEARCH "SPACE X DRAGON." NUMBER ONE, WHO IS THE CREW?
AND DOES SPACEX DRAGON HAVE A TOILET.
WHICH, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THAT'S REALLY ALL YOU REALLY
NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ANYONE. WHO ARE YOU?
AND WHERE ARE YOU POOPING? SOLID IDEA FOR ELON'S MONOLOGUE
SATURDAY NIGHT. RIGHT?
>> Guillermo: RIGHT, JIMMY, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: IN OTHER TECHNO NEWS, THIS MIGHT BE UP THERE WITH
SPACEX. IN VIRGINIA, A LOCAL GIRL SCOUT
TROOP CAME UP WITH A CREATIVE WAY TO GET THEIR COOKIES TO
CUSTOMERS DURING COVID. THEY TEAMED UP WITH A DRONE
DELIVERY SERVICE TO DROP BOXES OF THIN MINTS FROM THE SKY.
IT'S FUN, RIGHT? WHO WANTS TO SEE THE SMILE OF AN
APPRECIATIVE CHILD WHEN YOU CAN GET COOKIES DROPPED RIGHT ON
YOUR HEAD FROM THE SKY? GIRL SCOUT COOKIE SALES ARE DOWN
50% THIS YEAR, WHICH IS STRANGE BECAUSE EVERYBODY'S WEIGHT IS UP
50% THIS YEAR. BUT MAYBE THIS WILL TURN THINGS
AROUND. I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE FUN TO TRY
USING A DRONE TO DELIVER COOKIES IN OUR STUDIO.
SO ‐‐ THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WE GOT ONE, AND WE HAVE A
TREFOILE COOKIE. IS THAT YOUR FAVORITE COOK ZMI.
>> Guillermo: YES, JIMMY, THAT'S MY FAVORITE.
>> Jimmy: THOSE ARE NOBODY'S FAVORITE.
>> Guillermo: IT'S MINE.
>> Jimmy: THERE WE GO. I'M GOING TO TRY TO OPERATE THIS
THING. I'M GOING TRY TO GET THIS RIGHT
INTO YOUR MOUTH, GUILLERMO.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: I'M GOING THE WRONG WAY ALREADY. HERE WE GO.
OH, WHOA! HEY.
>> Guillermo: WOW.
>> Jimmy: AND ALL RIGHT. WE'LL TRY LATER, I GUESS.
>> Guillermo: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE COOKIE?
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I'LL TRY AT THE END.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I GUESS WE SHOULD HAVE HAD A REHEARSAL.
AS OF SATURDAY, CASINOS IN LAS VEGAS ARE ALLOWED TO OPERATE AT
80% CAPACITY. THERE IS ALREADY A LOT OF
ACTIVITY ON THE STRIP. THIS WAS THE SCENE IN VEGAS THIS
WEEKEND DOWNTOWN. GAMBLERS ARE VACCINATED AND
READY TO LOSE THEIR WHOLE STIMULUS CHECKS PLAYING "YOUNG
SHELDON" SLOT MACHINES. JUST UP THE 15 IN UTAH,
SENATOR MITT ROMNEY HAD A ROUGH WEEKEND.
ROMNEY APPEARED AT THE STATE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION, WHERE HE
WAS BOOED RELENTLESSLY BY HIS FELLOW REPUBLICANS.
>> SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF PRESIDENT BIDEN'S FIRST ‐‐
[ BOOING ]
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU. I'VE NEVER SEEN RUDE BEHAVIOR
FROM A GROUP OF MORMONS BEFORE, BUT IT ONLY WENT UPHILL FROM
THERE.
>> YOU KNOW ME AS A PERSON WHO SAYS WHAT HE THINKS, AND I DON'T
HIDE THE FACT THAT I WASN'T A FAN OF OUR LAST PRESIDENT'S
CHARACTER ISSUES.
[ BOOING ]
>> AND I'M ALSO NO FAN ‐‐
>> SHOW SOME RESPECT!
>> AREN'T YOU EMBARRASSED?
>> Jimmy: NO, THEY'RE NOT EMBARRASSED.
LIKE THEIR LEADER, THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF SHAME.
AND OF COURSE, THIS WAS MUSIC TO THE EARS OF ONE DONALD J. TRUMP,
WHO RELEASED A STATEMENT, THIS IS WHAT HE DOES NOW THAT HE
CAN'T TWEET. HE RELEASED A STATEMENT SAYING,
"SO NICE TO SEE RINO MITT ROMNEY BOOED OFF THE STAGE AT THE UTAH
REPUBLICAN STATE CONVENTION. THEY ARE AMONG THE EARLIEST TO
HAVE FIGURED THIS GUY OUT, A STONE COLD LOSER."
THANKS FOR THE MEMO, DON. WE'LL MAKE SURE TO FAX IT TO
MITT. WHY ARE TRUMP'S LOSERS ALWAYS
STONE‐COLD? DO THEY HAVE TO BE KEPT AT A
CERTAIN TEMPERATURE, LIKE THE VACCINE OR SOMETHING?
SPEAKING OF STONE COLD LOSERS, RMEMBER TRUMP'S NATIONAL
SECURITY ADVISOR, MICHAEL FLYNN? THE FORMER GENERAL WHO PLEADED
GUILTY TO LYING TO THE FBI ABOUT HIS TIES TO RUSSIA, THEN GOT A
PARDON FROM HIS FORMER BOSS, AND NOW SOMEHOW HE IS A HERO TO THE
QANON CROWD. FLYNN SPOKE AT A RALLY OF TRUMP
SUPPORTERS IN SOUTH CAROLINA YESTERDAY, AND FOR AN
EX‐MILITARY MAN WHO WRAPS HIS MISDEEDS TIGHTLY IN THE FLAG, HE
SURE DID HAVE TROUBLE COMING UP WITH THE WORDS TO THE PLEDGE OF
ALLEGIANCE.
>> LISTEN, I'M GOING TO SAY THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.
YOU'RE GOING TO SAY IT ALONG WITH ME.
I WANT YOU TO HEAR, NOT JUST LISTEN.
I WANT YOU TO HEAR EVERY SINGLE WORD OF THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.
THAT IS OUR PLEDGE TO EACH OTHER. THAT IS OUR PLEDGE THOUGH THIS
COUNTRY. I PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE
FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
INDIVIDE YUL FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION, UNDER GOD ‐‐
>> INDIVISIBLE.
>> Jimmy: I PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE, ININDIVIDUAL ‐‐ I
MEAN INDIVISIBLE. YOU GUYS FILL IN THE REST.
ONLY THE BEST PEOPLE. I BET HE KNOWS THE RUSSIAN
PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE! YOU KNOW, IT'S EASY TO GOOF ON
MIKE FLYNN, BECAUSE HE'S A LUNATIC, BUT I WONDER HOW MANY
OF US CAN RECITE THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE WITHOUT SCREWING IT
UP. DO YOU KNOW THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE, GUILLERMO?
>> Guillermo: I USED TO DO IT IN SCHOOL, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. GIVE IT A TRY. YOU GOT STAND UP.
YOU CAN'T SIT. PUT YOUR HAND.
>> Guillermo: I PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG OF THE
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND WHICH ‐‐
>> Jimmy: OKAY, YOU SCREWED IT UP.
>> Guillermo: I DID?
>> Jimmy: WELL, LET'S GO OUT TO THE STREET TO FIND ‐‐
>> Guillermo: I DID?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU DID. CAN YOU DO THE PLEDGE OF
ALLEGIANCE FOR ME?
>> I SURE COULD.
>> TAKE IT AWAY. OH, HAND OVER THE HEART.
>> OH, THAT. I PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE
FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, ONE NATION ‐‐
>> FROM THE TOP.
>> OH, MAN.
>> I PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE ALLEGIANCE ‐‐
[ BUZZER ]
I PLEDGE THE ALLEGIANCE ‐‐
[ BUZZER ]
>> I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE AMERICA.
>> TO THE UNITED STATES FLAG.
[ BUZZER ]
THE AMERICAN FLAG ‐‐
[ BUZZER ]
>> TOO MANY WORDS.
>> I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG TO THE UNITED STATES OF
AMERICA.
>> TO THE REPUBLIC TO WHICH WE HONOR.
[ BUZZER ]
>> AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR BEING UNITED OR SOMETHING?
[ BUZZER ]
>> ONE NATION ‐‐ ONE FLAG NO, WAY.
[ BUZZER ]
.
>> ONE NATION, UNDER GOD TO THE REPUBLIC ‐‐
>> [ BUZZER ]
>> UNDER GOD, INDIVIDUAL ‐‐
[ BUZZER ]
>> ALMOST.
>> INDEPENDENT.
[ BUZZER ]
>> INDIVIDED.
>> [ BUZZER ]
>> INDIVIDUAL.
>> [ BUZZER ]
>> I KNOW THE WORD INDIVIDUAL IS IN THERE.
THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT, RIGHT?
>>.
[ BUZZER ]
>> SEE, I WAS THINKING INDIVIDUAL ‐‐
>> [ BUZZE ]
>> I KNOW LIBERTY IS IN THERE, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE.
>> LIBERTY, FREEDOM, REPUBLICAN FOR ALL.
[ BUZZER ]
>> AND LIBERTY FOR ALL.
>> YOU LEFT OUT ONE IMPORTANT WORD.
>> AMEN?
>> CLOSE ENOUGH.
>> WAS I CLOSE ENOUGH? THAT WILL DO IT?
>> THERE YOU GO, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT. CLOSE ENOUGH. ALL RIGHT.
LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN. HERE WE GO. GUILLERMO, GET READY TO EAT
HERE. ALL RIGHT. OKAY. I'M GOING TO GO A LITTLE HIGHER.
OKAY. NOW I'M GOING TO GO FORWARD, I
THINK.
>> Guillermo: OH!
>> Jimmy: HOLD ON. LET ME COME BACK.
GO A LITTLE LOWER. THERE WE GO.
YOU GOT TO PAY ATTENTION. HERE IT COMES.
HERE COMES YOUR BISCUIT! OH! WAIT, WAIT.
GO A LITTLE LOWER.
>> Guillermo: NOW I FEEL LIKE A CHIHUAHUA.
>> Jimmy: WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE A FRENCH BULLDOG. ALL RIGHT.
HERE WE GO.
>> Guillermo: HOW MUCH TIME DO WE HAVE?
>> Jimmy: WE GOT ALL THE TIME WE NEED.
>> Guillermo: ALL RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO.
>> APOLOGIZE ‐‐
>> Jimmy: HERE IT COMES, HERE IT COMES! YES, THERE WE GO!
[ APPLAUSE ]
HOLD ON. CHEW ON IT, AND I'LL SEE IF I
CAN GET YOU TO FLY TOO. BE LIKE THE MOVIE "UP."
HERE WE GO.
>> Jimmy: WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
CASEY WILSON IS HERE. WE HAVE MUSIC FROM JASON ALDEAN.
AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SEAN HAYES. SO STICK AROUND.
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. OH, HERE IT IS.
THIS IS HER VERY FUNNY NEW BOOK. IT'S CALLED "THE WRECKAGE OF MY
PRESENCE." CASEY WILSON IS HERE WITH US
TONIGHT. THEN LATER, A BONA FIDE COUNTRY
MUSIC SUPERSTAR, HIS LATEST SINGLE IS CALLED "BLAME IT ON
YOU," MUSIC FROM JASON ALDEAN. THIS WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS
ALL THIS WEEK WITH GUESTS ROSARIO DAWSON,
JULIANNA MARGULIES, ROB McELHENNEY, DANIEL DAE KIM,
AND DR. ANTHONY FAUCI, WITH MUSIC FROM ANITA, AMYTHYST KIAH,
AND MIDDLE KIDS. AND THIS IS FUN. TONIGHT IS NIGHT ONE OF THE
BUD LIGHT SUMMER STIMMY PROGRAM. BUD LIGHT IS STIMULATING US, BY
GIVING OUT 10 MILLION DOLLARS IN PRIZES TO MAKE SURE SUMMER IS
ACTUALLY GOOD THIS YEAR. AND NOBODY DESERVES A GREAT
SUMMER MORE THAN OUR FRONT LINE WORKERS WHO HAD SUCH A HARD ONE
LAST YEAR. SO WE ARE WORKING WITH BUD LIGHT
TO DONATE 5,000 TICKETS TO MAJOR SPORTING EVENTS
TO THE LAC/USC MEDICAL CENTER FOUNDATION.
TO GET THOSE BRAVE WOMEN AND MEN BACK OUT IN THE SUN WHEN IT'S
SAFE, AND ONE OF THEM WILL GET TWO TICKETS TO SUPER BOWL LVI,
WHICH HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN L.A. AT SOFI STADIUM.
SO PUT THOSE JIGSAW PUZZLES AWAY BACK IN THE CLOSET, LIGHT YOUR
SWEAT PANTS ON FIRE, BECAUSE IT'S TIME TO GO OUTSIDE AGAIN.
YOU CAN LEARN MORE HERE AT BUD LIGHT SUMMER STIMMY.COM.
THANKS TO BUD LIGHT FOR KICK STARTING THE BEST SUMMER EVER
FOR OUR HARDWORKING HEROES. THANK YOU BUD LIGHT.
YOU KNOW OUR FIRST GUEST'S FACE FROM HIS EMMY‐WINNING WORK ON
THE SHOW "WILL & GRACE," AND YOU KNOW HIS VOICE FROM NOT ONE BUT
TWO PODCASTS, THE VERY POPULAR "SMARTLESS," WITH JASON BATEMAN
AND WILL ARNETT, AND NOW HIS NEW ONE, "HYPOCHONDRIACTOR."
IT PREMIERES ON WEDNESDAY. PLEASE WELCOME SEAN HAYES.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME, WELCOME. HOW ARE YOU? HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> GOOD. WOW. HOW IS EVERYBODY?
HOW IS IT WORKING AT THIS SHOW?
[ CHEERING ]
>> Jimmy: WE HAVE FUN. WE HAVE A GOOD GROUP.
>> YOU GUYS ALL HAVE TO DO THIS ALL DAY LONG FOR THIS MONKEY,
ALL DAY LONG, EVERY DAY. AND THEN YOU CASH YOUR CHECK AND
HE FEELS GOOD ABOUT IT.
>> Jimmy: IT'S NOT ‐‐ IT'S NOT ALL DAY LONG.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WE DO IT IN THE PARKING LOT WHEN I PULL UP.
AND THEN OF COURSE IN THE HALL AS I WALK UPSTAIRS TO MY OFFICE.
>> I HAVE A HEART OUT IN THREE MINUTES BECAUSE OF THE GUILLERMO
BIT. THAT WAS 17 MINUTES.
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW.
>> IS THAT HOW REHEARSAL WENT?
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD SEGUE INTO OUR TOPIC HERE TONIGHT,
YOUR NEW PODCAST.
>> ALL OF THE SUDDEN I JUST LOST JIMMY.
HE WENT INTO HAVE JIMMY KIMMEL TV MODE.
>> Jimmy: NO, BUT I DID THINK OF THE FACT THAT GUILLERMO AND I
JUST SHARED A COOKIE WHICH I HAVEN'T DONE WITH ANYONE FOR
QUITE SOME TIME, GUILLERMO. I'M HAPPY IT WAS YOU, BUT I'M
WORRIED WE NOW HAVE COVID OR SOMETHING.
>> Guillermo: NO, WE'RE SAFE, WE'RE SAFE.
>> Jimmy: MORE THAN THAT. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOUR SHOW
"SMARTLESS".
>> YOU'RE SO SWEET. AND YOU WERE SO KIND TO BE ON IT.
>> Jimmy: IT WASN'T REALLY KINDNESS. I ENJOYED BEING ON IT.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, I SAY THIS
EVERY TIME, YOU'RE THE NICEST PERSON IN SHOW BUSINESS.
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU.
>> YOU ALWAYS ‐‐
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT SAYING MUCH, BUT THANK YOU.
>> THE BAR IS LOW. YOU'RE ALWAYS SO KIND.
YOU'RE ALWAYS DO ANYTHING I ASK. I NEED TO BORROW $75,000.
YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME WHENEVER I ASK.
AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT. SO THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: WELL, I FEEL THE SAME ABOUT YOU.
AND THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT. BUT NOW I'M GOING TO COMPLIMENT
YOUR PODCAST.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: AND I'M GOING TO ASK YOU IF YOUR CO‐HOSTS ON THE
PODCAST, JASON BATEMAN.
>> JASON AND WILL.
>> Jimmy: YES.
>> I ALWAYS CALL HIM JUSTIN.
>> Jimmy: IT IS WEIRD BECAUSE WE DO HAVE ANOTHER FRIEND, JUSTIN
THEROUX IN THE MIX, AND THAT DOES CONFUSE THINGS.
AND OF COURSE WE ALL LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER.
AND THAT CONFUSES THINGS.
>> OH, THAT'S WHY.
>> Jimmy: HOW DID THEY REACT WHEN YOU SAID GUYS, THIS IS
DOING GREAT. I THINK I'M GOING TO DO MY OWN
PODCAST.
>> I'M DOING BOTH. THEY DON'T GIVE A CRAP.
THEY'RE VERY SUPPORTIVE. WE LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH.
WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR OVER 20 YEARS. THEY'RE THE BEST.
AS LONG AS THEY CAN MAKE THEIR TEE TIME ON THE GOLF COURSE.
>> Jimmy: THEN THEY'RE ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
SO YOU STARTED THIS PODCAST. IT'S CALLED "HYPOCHONDRIACTOR,"
WHICH I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WASN'T TAKEN.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WAS STILL AVAILABLE.
>> YOU KIDDING?
>> Jimmy: NO, I'M KIDDING. THAT'S A MOUTHFUL,
"HYPOCHONDRIACTOR."
>> "HYPOCHONDRIACTOR." YOU JUST SAID IT.
>> I KNOW I JUST SAID IT. BUT YOU SAID IT LIKE IT ROLLS
OFF THE TONGUE. IT DOES NOT.
>> OKAY. THAT'S GOOD FOR MARKETING.
CAN I GET THAT AS A SOUND BITE FROM YOU?
>> Jimmy: ABSOLUTELY.
>> NO, "HYPOCHONDRIACTOR." YEAH, I'VE ALWAYS KIND OF BEEN
FASCINATED WITH MEDICAL STORIES. I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T
KNOW THAT, BUT ANY TIME I READ SOMETHING OR HEAR SOMETHING, I
THINK IF IT HASN'T HAPPENED TO ME, IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, LIKE
WALKING DOWN THE STREET EVEN WHEN COVID STARTED, DID I GET
TOO CLOSE TO THAT GUY? THAT'S ME ALL THE TIME.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> SO I I'VE ALWAYS BEEN FASCINATED.
MY FAVORITE PART OF TALK SHOWS IS WHEN PEOPLE COME ON AND SHARE
A MEDICAL ISSUE BECAUSE IT'S NOT ONLY FUNNY, BUT PEOPLE AT HOME
CAN RELATE TO IT. MAYBE THEY DON'T FEEL ALONE
ANYMORE. AND YOU CAN PROVIDE HOPE AND
INFORMATION ABOUT IT AND CONNECT. WHY IS THAT FUNNY?
I DON'T KNOW. BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE THESE
STORIES ON THE TALK SHOWS DO ANY OF THAT STUFF AT ALL.
USUALLY IT'S YEAH ‐‐
>> NO, NO, SORRY.
>> Jimmy: I GOT MY PENIS CAUGHT IN MY ZIPPER OR SOMETHING.
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S HELPING ANYBODY.
>> WELL, NOW I CAN'T HAVE YOU ON THE SHOW BECAUSE YOU JUST SHARED
YOUR STORY. NO, BUT I THINK IT'S LIKE ‐‐ NO,
NO. I'M SAYING WHEN THEY'RE FUNNY.
WHEN THEY HAVE ‐‐ I LOVE E. R. STORIES BECAUSE THEY'RE SO
DRAMATIC. AS LONG AS THEY HAVE A HAPPY
ENDING. NOT I'M JIMMY KIMMEL, I MAKE SEX
JOKES. NOT AN ENDING LIKE THAT. IT'S COMEDY AND THE DRAMA.
>> Jimmy: LIKE IN THE E. R. STORY, PROBABLY MY ONLY GOOD
E.R. STORY IS RUNNING INTO YOU IN THE E. R.
>> ISN'T THAT CRAZY? WE TALKED ABOUT THAT BEFORE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> I BROUGHT MY FRIEND ANDREA MARTIN WITH ME, SHE WASN'T
FEELING WELL.
>> Jimmy: GREAT COMEDY LEGEND ANDREA MARTIN.
>> SHE IS THE BEST. I'M LOOKING, AND WE'RE TALKING,
AND I LOOK OVER, AND THERE YOU ARE JUST STANDING THERE.
I'M LIKE JIMMY? AND YOU'RE KIND OF FAR AWAY.
JUST STANDING THERE. HOW ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT YOU DOING HERE? YOU WERE MY WARM‐UP GUY.
>> Jimmy: MY FRIEND DON, WARM‐UP GUY.
>> HE WAS SICK AND YOU BROUGHT HIM THERE.
I THOUGHT THAT WAS SO NICE. YOU'RE THE NICEST MAN IN SHOW
BUSINESS.
>> Jimmy: WELL, BUT I WAS UPSET BECAUSE YOU BROUGHT ANDREA
MARTIN, AND SHE WAS JUST BEING IGNORED BASICALLY.
DID YOU EVER SEE SETV?
>> OR MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T EAT
MEAT? SHE IS THE FUNNIEST PERSON EVER.
SO WE WERE THERE. I GO ‐‐ I HAVE THIS CONDITION.
I ALWAYS SAY NAME A PART OF MY BODY AND I CAN ‐‐
>> Jimmy: CAN I DO IT?
>> SURE, IF YOU WANT.
>> Jimmy: SO NAME A PART OF YOUR BODY.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: AND YOU WILL HAVE A STORY ABOUT IT.
>> INSIDE OR OUT.
>> Jimmy: NIPPLES.
>> THOSE ARE FINE. BUT THEY'RE VERY CLOSE TO MY
HEART. MY HEART. SO WHEN I ‐‐ SEE, I HAVE AFIB.
YOU KNOW WHAT AFIB? YOUR HEART BEATS LIKE THAT.
>> Jimmy: SOMETIMES.
>> LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, RIGHT?
WHEN I GO TO THE E. R., THE SAME E.R. I SAW YOU AT CEDARS‐SINAI,
I'M LIKE NORM FROM "CHEERS." I'M IN THERE ALL THE TIME.
ALL I DO, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN.
LOOK, THIS IS HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO.
YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME
APPROPRIATE PRO PROFIL. ONE TIME I WAS IN NEW YORK WITH
SCOTTY, MY HUSBAND. HE IS GAY.
>> Jimmy: WHICH ONE, YOU OR SCOTTY?
>> AND SO I'M IN ‐‐
>> Jimmy: WHAT?
>> SO I'M IN NEW YORK, WALKING DOWN THE STREET.
AND I GET AFIB, AND IT'S GOING REALLY FAST, RIGHT?
AND IT'S GOING REALLY FAST. AND HE TAKES ME TO THE E. R.
OH, CRAP. GOT TO GO TO THE E. R., PROPOFIL
AND I'M OUT AND BACK. FOR SOME REASON ON THE WEST
SIDE, THE E. R. LET HIM STAND IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM, IN THE
OPERATING ROOM, WHEREVER I WAS,
SO I WAS OUT PROPOFOL, THE
MICHAEL JACKSON DRUG. I'M OUT AND I GO THIS IS AMAZING!
RIGHT? AND I WAS OUT AGAIN. AND I WAS LIKE.
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CALL IT? THAT'S CALLED BEING
FUNCONSCIOUS. RIGHT? ANOTHER TITLE FOR ANOTHER
PODCAST.
>> THAT'S YOUR PODCAST.
>> Jimmy: NO, YOU CAN HAVE THAT. SEAN HAYES IS HERE.
HIS NEW PODCAST IS "HYPOCHONDRIACTOR" OR WE MAY
CHANGE IT TO FUNCONSCIOUS. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> OH, NO, I HAVE TO SET UP THE BRB FOR THE MEETING.
I PRERECORD MYSELF. THEN I GO. HAVE A GREAT MEETING!
WOO‐HOO, THANK YOU, CHARMIN!
>> AND THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT BILLABLE HOURS.
>> ENJOY THE GO AND NO ONE WILL KNOW.
♪
>> Jimmy: WE'RE BACK. CASEY WILSON IS COMING UP.
JASON ALDEAN IS COMING UP, AND SEAN HAYES WITH US.
HE HAS A PODCAST CALLED "HYPOCHONDRIACTOR."
OKAY, YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT.
>> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T KNOW THIS, BUT YOUR TALENT BOOKER, THE
PEOPLE THAT BOOK THE SHOW.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: ASKED ME TO BE ON. AND I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO I HAVE
THAT ‐‐ YOU KNOW, WHAT DO I HAVE? AND THEN I THOUGHT OF IT.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WOULD BE INTERESTED IN THIS, BUT I WILL
TELL YOU.
>> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: MY FATHER, HIS DREAM.
>> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: AND THEY ALL ALREADY KNOW WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY.
>> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: HE LOVES TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT HIS MEDICAL
CONDITIONS. I MEAN, IT'S HIS GREATEST
PLEASURE IN LIFE IS TAKING YOU THROUGH A TWO‐HOUR STORY ABOUT
HIS TORN MINISCUS.
>> NOTHING WOULD MAKE ME HAPPIER.
>> Jimmy: WOULD YOU BE OKAY IF I BROUGHT MY FATHER ON?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> Jimmy: AND WE GO THROUGH HIS MEDICAL?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> Jimmy: THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL.
>> BY THE WAY.
>> Jimmy: YEAH?
>> BY THE WAY, I ALSO HAD A TORN MINISCUS.
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOD. HE WILL LOVE THAT, BUT ONLY AS
AN OPENING FOR HIM TO TELL YOU ABOUT HIS TORMENT.
>> THAT'S OKAY. AND IT'S FUNNY YOU SAY YOU DON'T
KNOW IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING. BECAUSE I'M LOOKING AT A LOT OF
PROBLEMS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NOTHING COVERED YET.
>> OH, OKAY.
>> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU SEE? NAME A PART OF MY BODY.
>> I THINK WE ALREADY HEARD ABOUT THE PENIS, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: I DO WANT TO TALK
ABOUT YOUR OTHER PODCAST,
"SMART "SMARTLESS".
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: IT'S A FUN IDEA. ONE OF YOU BOOKS A GUEST AND THE
OTHER TWO DON'T KNOW WHO IT IS. THE GUEST IS REVEALED AND ALL OF
THE SUDDEN THEY GO OH MY GOD, IT'S PAUL McCARTNEY, WHO YOU
BOOK BOARD SHOW.
>> FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW, WE DO IT THROUGH ZOOM.
BECAUSE YOU WERE A GUEST ON IT. YOU COVER UP THE CAMERA, YOU
CLOSE YOUR LAPTOP, PUT A POST‐IT OVER IT. PAUL McCARTNcCARTNEY.
THAT WAS INSANE. HE WAS ON MY LIST, AND HE
ACTUALLY ASKED TO BE ON THE SHOW, WHICH IS SO FLATTERING.
AND THEN WHEN HE DID, IT WAS KIND OF ‐‐ SO IT WAS MY GUEST
BECAUSE HE WAS ALREADY ON MY LIST. HE WAS GREAT.
I WENT ON AND ON WITH A QUESTION. REMEMBER THAT SONG "NO MORE
LONELY NIGHTS".
>> Jimmy: YES, OF COURSE.
>> IN THE '90s.
>> Jimmy: I THINK IT WAS THE '80s.
>> ANYWAY, SO I LOVE THAT SONG. AND I WAS BREAKING IT DOWN,
BECAUSE I'M A MUSIC NERD. I STUDIED PIANO FOR 30 YEARS.
I WAS NERDING OUT ON THE MUSIC AND THE STRUCTURE OF THAT SONG
AND HOW HE CHANGED TEMPOS EVERY OTHER MEASURE.
IT WAS LIKE A SEVEN‐MINUTE QUESTION LIKE IT IS NOW.
AND I SAID ‐‐ AND I SAID DID YOU INTEND TO DO THIS, BLAH, BLAH,
BLAH? AND LITERALLY SILENCE, HE GOES
"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ MUSIC." HE DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING I WAS
TALKING ABOUT. DIDN'T CARE, NOTHING.
I'LL NEVER GET THAT TIME BACK. I COULD HAVE ASKED HIM SO MANY
OTHER THINGS.
>> Jimmy: BUT YOU DID LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT HIM THAT NONE OF
US REALLY KNEW.
>> ISN'T THAT AMAZING?
>> Jimmy: IT IS.
>> THE GUY DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL FOR MUSIC OR ANYTHING.
>> Jimmy: BUT THERE WAS A MOMENT IN THAT PODCAST WHERE YOU SAID
SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF, YOU REVEALED SOMETHING THAT I WANTED
TO KNOW ABOUT.
>> WHAT.
>> Jimmy: THAT YOU TOURED WITH KENNY ROGER.
>> KENNY ROGERS!
>> Jimmy: I HAVE A PHOTOGRAPH OF THIS LITTLE SHOW.
BUT TELL ME WHAT YOU ‐‐ TELL ME WHAT YOU DID WITH KENNY ROGERS.
>> SO I WAS AN ELF ON THE KENNY ROGERS CHRISTMAS TOUR.
DO YOU WANT TO SHOW?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THESE ARE YOUR FELLOW ELVES?
>> THAT'S ME IN THE HAT.
>> Jimmy: IN THE SNAKESKIN ELF COSTUME.
>> SUZANNE AND BOB. AND THIS IS ELFUS.
AND THIS GUY IN THE MIDDLE IS KENNY ROGERS.
>> Jimmy: IT SURE IS.
>> WE WENT ON CHRISTMAS TOUR. AND IT WAS $500 A WEEK.
OH MY GOD, YEAH, I WANT THAT JOB. BY THE WAY, IT'S STILL KIND OF
AMAZING FOR A 20‐SOMETHING‐YEAR‐OLD.
>> Jimmy: MORE THAN KIND OF. SURE.
>> SO WE WOULD GO, AND WE WOULD BE STONED BEFORE EVERY SHOW.
WE'D BE SO HIGH.
>> Jimmy: KENNY TOO?
>> NO, NOT KENNY. SO THE FIRST PART OF THE SHOW
WAS KENNY'S OLD STANDARDS AND WHATEVER.
AND THEN THE MIDDLE OF THE SHOW, WE CAME OUT AND SANG "WE NEED A
LITTLE CHRISTMAS" RIGHT? AND WE WOULD CHANGE THE WHOLE
SET WITH A BENCH AND A TREE AND ALL THE SNOW AND THE [ BLEEP ]
EVERYTHING, RIGHT? IT WAS CRAZY. AND SO WE'RE DOING IT, AND EVERY
CITY, AS WE PROGRESS, THE DIRECTOR IS LIKE HEY, I KNOW YOU
GUYS ARE BRINGING ON A LOT OF STUFF, BUT THE GUYS IN THE BAND,
CAN YOU BRING ON THESE EXTRA CHORDS TOO?
I KNOW YOU'RE DOING THAT, BUT CAN YOU ALSO BRING ON, YOU KNOW,
THE WATER BOTTLES FOR THE BAND? I GO HEY, WE'RE NOT REALLY ELVES.
YOU KNOW? STONED OUT OF MY MIND. TOTALLY STONED.
WE'RE NOT REALLY ELVES. AND I CAN'T EVEN SING, AND I GOT
PRETZELS IN MY MOUTH BECAUSE I'M STUFFING MY FACE RIGHT BEFORE WE
GO OUT. AND HE ‐‐ BY THE WAY, WHENEVER
HE WAS SINGING A SONG OR TALKING A LOT IN BETWEEN SETS, WE CALLED
HIM THE RAMBLER INSTEAD OF THE GAMBLER.
AND HERE'S ME [ BLEEP ] AT 23 YEARS OLD, OR WHATEVER I WAS, 24
YEARS OLD. AND I'M SO NERVOUS. KENNY ROGERS.
AND RIGHT BEFORE HE GUESS OUT BEFORE OUR FIRST SHOW, I GO HEY,
KENNY, BREAK A LEG. AND HE'S LIKE THANKS.
I THINK I GOT IT. THANKS. I'VE BEEN SINGING THIS SONG FOR
50 YEARS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY.
>> Jimmy: WAS KENNY DRESSED IN SANTA WITH THE WHITE BEARD?
>> HE KIND OF ALREADY IS. NO. I WAS HIGH CONSTANTLY.
BUT IT WAS FUN. LAUGHED SO HARD.
>> Jimmy: WHAT AN INCREDIBLE LIFE.
>> WHAT A JOURNEY.
>> Jimmy: YOU'VE HAD A LIFE THAT IS WORTHY OF TWO PODCASTS.
SEAN HAYES, LISTEN TO HIS NEW ONE, IT'S CALLED
"HYPOCHONDRIACTOR." IT PREMIERS WEDNESDAY ON APPLE
PODCASTS OR ANYWHERE PODCASTS ARE SOLD. THANK YOU, SEAN.
GREAT TO SEE YOU. SEAN HAYES, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH CASEY WILSON.
♪
>> Jimmy: HI. WELCOME BACK. MUSIC FROM JASON ALDEAN IS ON
THE WAY. YOU KNOW OUR NEXT GUEST FROM
SHOWS LIKE "HAPPY ENDINGS" AND "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," BUT NOW
YOU WILL KNOW HER PERSONALLY THANKS TO HER NEW COLLECTION OF
ESSAYS, "THE WRECKAGE OF MY PRESENCE" IS OUT NOW.
PLEASE WELCOME CASEY WILSON!
[ APPLAUSE ]
HOW YOU?
>> HI!
>> Jimmy: YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. I LIKE THAT DRESS.
>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: I WISH I COULD WEAR A DRESS LIKE THAT.
>> YOU CAN. YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN.
>> Jimmy: I DON'T THINK THEY MAKE THEM MY SIZE.
I REALLY DON'T. HEY, CASEY.
>> HI.
>> Jimmy: WELCOME. SECONDLY, I WANT TO ASK YOU
ABOUT THIS PHOTOGRAPH ON THE DISCOVER OF YOUR BOOK.
IT'S NOT THE TYPICAL CELEBRITY BOOK COVER PHOTO.
>> NO. THAT IS ME DRUNK AT MY 30st
BIRTHDAY. AND THEY WANTED ME ‐‐ THE
PUBLISHER WAS LET'S DO A BIG PHOTO SHOOT OF YOU, COMEDY PHOTO
SHOOT. AND I JUST GOT NERVOUS. I'D BE LIKE A WITH A BRIEFCASE
AND A PACIFIER, WOMEN CAN HAVE IT ALL, NOR A BATHTUB FULL OF
PILLS OR SOMETHING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO I DECIDED ‐‐
>> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T WANT THAT?
>> NO. I DIDN'T WANT THAT.
>> Jimmy: I THINK YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU HAVE TO PAY WHOEVER TOOK THIS PICTURE?
>> MY FRIEND, JUNE DIANE, WHERE IS MY PHOTO CREDIT.
>> Jimmy: SHE DIDN'T GET ONE?
>> I DON'T THINK SHE TOOK IT.
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> SHE WAS TRYING TO GET CREDIT. SHE IS ARE THERE ROYALTIES?
I DON'T THINK SO.
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, YOU'RE VERY CANDID.
THIS IS ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND VERY FUNNY AND ALL AFTER THAT STUFF.
CANDID ABOUT YOURSELF, BUT ALSO CANDID ABOUT YOUR FATHER WHO IS
A CHARACTER, WHO IS SOMETHING I THINK WE TALKED ABOUT LAST TIME
YOU WERE ON THE SHOW.
>> YOU CAN'T NOT TALK ABOUT HIM.
>> Jimmy: IS HE EXCITED ABOUT BEING MENTIONED IN THE BOOK?
>> HE IS VERY EXCITED. HE MADE A PROMOTIONAL VIDEO FOR
ME. THAT WE SHOT.
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH.
>> IN THE HOUSE. AND HE HELD THE BOUNCE BOARD FOR.
IT WAS GREAT. HE IS A GREAT GUY. HE IS VERY ECCENTRIC.
>> Jimmy: YES. ONE OF THE THINGS THAT HE DOES
THAT I'M IMPRESSED BY AND ALSO MORTIFIED BY YOU TALK ABOUT IN
THE BOOK, WHEN HE IS LATE FOR A FLIGHT, HE'LL JUST PARK HIS CAR
IN FRONT OF THE AIRPORT AND ABANDON IT.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW THIS WAS MAINLY PRE‐9/11 BEHAVIOR.
BUT HE FIGURED IF HE HAD A BUSINESS MEETING, HE IS ALWAYS
RUNNING LATE, IT'S CHEAPER FOR HIM TO NOT MISS THE FLIGHT OR
THE MEETING. SO HE WOULD PULL UP AT THE
AIRPORT AND JUST LEAVE THE CAR AND KNOW THAT IT'S GOING TO BE
TOWED AS HIS OWN PERSONAL VALET.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> DISTURBING BEHAVIOR.
>> Jimmy: AND THEN HE WOULD GO TO THE TOW YARD AND GET HIS CAR
BACK?
>> THAT'S RIGHT. HE DIDN'T HAVE THE MONEY FOR
THIS. SO IT WAS ALL VERY STRANGE. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE ON TIME.
BUT I GUESS HE COULDN'T.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S ANOTHER WAY OF GOING ABOUT IT.
>> WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT WAYS OF GOING ABOUT THINGS.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON, SOMEWHAT ‐‐ WELL,
OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. HE IS YOUR DAD.
BUT YOU LOVE BATHS AND HE LOVES THE HOT TUB SO MUCH SO THAT HE
IS IN THE HOT TUB EVERY DAY OF HIS LIFE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. HE HAS AN ABOVE GROUND HOT TUB
THAT IS HIS WHOLE WORLD AND UNIVERSE.
HE IS IN THERE EVERY MORNING WITH A CIGAR AND "THE WASHINGTON
POST." SO MUCH SO ‐‐ THERE HE IS ‐‐
THAT ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
SEE THE HOOK FOR THE ROBE BEHIND, THE HOOK?
HE IS VERY SWEET, CUTE, WONDERFUL MAN.
BUT SEE THE HEDGES BEHIND HIM. ALL OF THE NEIGHBORS ON EITHER
SIDE HAVE ADDED MAJOR FOLIAGE. THEY'RE LIKE WE LOVE PAUL, BUT
WE DON'T NEED TO SEE HIM AT THAT HOUR, AND HE IS ROLLING CALLS IN
THE HOT CLUB AT THAT HOUR.
>> Jimmy: IS HE NAKED IN THE TUB?
>> I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
BE HE IS OFTEN IN A SANTA HAT TOO IF IT GETS COLD INSTEAD OF A
REGULAR HAT.
>> Jimmy: OH, WE SHOULD SEND SEAN HAYES AND THE ELVES TO HIM.
>> HE WOULD LOVE IT. HE WOULD LOVE IT.
>> Jimmy: IS HE A GOOD GRANDDAD?
>> YES. HE IS.
>> Jimmy: PLAYS WITH THE KIDS AND ALL THAT?
>> HE IS A VERY HANDS‐ON GRANDFATHER.
HE DOESN'T LOVE THE NEW TRENDS IN PARENTING.
WE'RE ALWAYS ASKING IF A KID IS THROW:00 A TANTRUM AND SPITTING
IN YOUR FACE, AND I ASK HOW DID THEY MAKE YOU FEEL?
HE DOESN'T LOVE THAT. BUT LAST YEAR, LAST YEAR DURING
THE PANDEMIC, MY SON WAS TURNING 5. SO HE WAS 4.
AND MY DAD GAVE HIM A SAW AND ‐‐ A SAW. A SAW AND A HAMMER.
>> Jimmy: HARDWARE STUFF.
>> YEAH. AND HE SAID TO ME, CASEY, YOU'RE
WORKING SO HARD AND YOU'RE HOME WITH THE KIDS, I WANT TO GIVE
YOU A BREAK. THROW ZOOM ON. I'LL TEACH HIM SAWING LESSONS
OVER ZOOM. HE GOT A HAMMER AND WOOD.
HE SENT WOOD THROUGH THE MAIL, PLANKS OF WOOD.
AND HE SAID THESE KIDS, YOU KNOW, THEY'RE ALL BABIES.
I DID THIS AT MY AGE. YOU WERE SAWING AT 4?
>> Jimmy: HE DIDN'T HAVE YOU SAWING AT 4, DID YOU?
>> HE CLAIMS HE DID. I DENT KNOW HOW TO SAW.
>> Jimmy: MAYBE YOU BUILT THAT HOT TUB AND YOU DON'T REALIZE IT.
>> I WAS RIGHT THERE.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU'RE MARRIED NOW.
OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE THE KIDS, THE WHOLE FAMILY.
BUT YOU DID WRITE ABOUT SOME OF YOUR DATING EXPERIENCES, AND
SOME OF THESE UNUSUAL DATES THAT YOU WENT ON.
>> I DID. SORRY TO LAUGH AT THIS STORY.
BUT SOMETHING ODD HAPPENED. IT'S DARK AND FUNNY, WHICH IS
THAT MY MOM PASSED AWAY QUITE SUDDENLY, AND SHE WAS BURIED
WHERE SHE WANTED TO BE BURIED, IN THE DEPTHS OF FLORIDA, LIKE
NEAR A BAYOU OR SOMETHING. AND I BROUGHT A BOYFRIEND THERE.
IT'S A TREK TO GET OUT THERE. IT'S A TWO‐HOUR DRIVE.
AND WE'RE STANDING AT HER GRIF. THERE IS NO EASY WAY THE SAY IT.
>> Jimmy: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DATING THIS GUY?
>> ABOUT A YEAR. ABOUT A YEAR.
WE GET OUT THERE AND WE'RE STANDING AND WE'VE BROUGHT
FLOWERS. AND I'M CRYING, OF COURSE.
AND HE FARTED.
>> Jimmy: NOW YOU HEARD IT?
>> OH, YES. EVERYONE AROUND THE BAYOU HEARD
IT.
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH.
>> IT'S JUST SO SHOCKING. YOU KNOW TO BE STANDING.
>> Jimmy: OF ALL PLACES. WHAT AN IMPRESSION TO MAKE ON
MOM.
>> OF ALL PLACES, ANYWHERE ELSE, YOU KNOW.
JUST LITERALLY AT MY MOM'S GRAVE. AND THEN WE LEFT.
>> Jimmy: DID HE ACKNOWLEDGE IT?
>> AT THE TIME IT WAS SO CRAZY TO BE CRYING AND HEAR SOMEONE
FART, AGAIN, AT YOUR MOM'S GRAVE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND MY BROTHER, MY BROTHER WAS THERE TOO.
AND MY BROTHER WAS JUST LIKE YOU GOT TO GET RID OF THIS GUY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE HAD TO DO WITH HIS OWN FACULTIES TO KEEP
THAT FROM HAPPENING, BUT THE FACT THAT HE DIDN'T IS REALLY
BAD.
>> Jimmy: YOUR FAMILY, BEFORE YOUR MOM PASSED AWAY, YOU GUYS
WENT ON A VERY ‐‐ I THOUGHT WE WENT ON BAD VACATIONS, BUT YOU
WENT ON ONE. YOUR PARENTS TOOK YOU ON
VACATION AT A SINGLES DESTINATION?
>> BY ACCIDENT, MY MOM BOOKED ‐‐ WE NORMALLY WENT CAMPING ALL OUR
LIVES, AND THEY'RE WE'RE GOING TO SPLURGE AND GO TO CLUB D IN
TURKS AND CAICOS. AND I WAS EXCITED.
MY BROTHER WAS 16 AND WE WERE 13. AND WE GET THERE, AND MA'AM,
THIS IS A SINGLES CLUB MED. IT'S NOT FOR KIDS. IT WAS 18 UP.
MY MOM BOOKED US, AND WE BEGGED THEM AND THEY LET US STAY.
SO MY BROTHER AND I ARE OFF ON THE SIDE WATCHING FOAM PARTIES
AND SHOTS AND EVERYONE IS GETTING SEXY.
WE HAD TO SIT THERE AND SEE OUR PARENTS. IT WAS HORRIBLE.
>> Jimmy: YOUR PARENTS ALSO GETTING SEXY?
>> THEY WERE HAVING FUN. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT SEXY, BUT MY
DAD PARTICIPATED THE FIRST NIGHTCLUB MED PUTS ON A SHOW.
AND EVERYONE THAT WORKS THERE COMES OUT AND DOES COMEDY AND
THEY ASK FOR A VOLUNTEER FROM THE AUDIENCE.
YOU KNOW WHO HAD HIS HAND UP. AND TWO SECONDS LATER, NOT TWO
SECONDS LATER MY DAD IS IN A WHITE DOCTOR'S COAT WITH A
STETHOSCOPE DANCING TO "EVERYBODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING."
I DON'T KNOW WHY HE WAS IN A LAB COAT.
BUT EVERYONE CALLED HIM THE DOCTOR ON THE TRIP. DOCTOR!
>> Jimmy: HE WAS SUDDENLY FAMOUS ON THE TRIP.
>> AND HE WAS A CELEBRITY FROM THAT, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WOW. SO YOUR DAD IS A DOCTOR TOO.
THAT'S EXCITING.
>> YEAH. YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS MORE
MEANINGFUL FOR HIM.
>> Jimmy: HOW LONG BEFORE YOU LET YOUR SON OPERATE THE SAW?
>> HONESTLY, MY DAD FINALLY HAD GOTTEN HIS VACCINE AND SAW US
AFTER A YEAR ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGO, AND HE HAD HIM SAWING.
>> KIDS LOVE TO SAW. YOU KNOW WHAT.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS THE BOOK. IT'S CALLED "THE WRECKAGE OF MY
PRESENCE." IT IS OUT NOW. CASEY WILSON, THANK YOU, CASEY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JASON ALDEAN.
[ APPLAUSE ]
♪
>>> THE JIMMY KIMMEL CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY
MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>>> NOW WE GO ALL THE WAY TO NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE FOR MUSIC,
PLAYING THE SONG "BLAME IT ON YOU," JASON ALDEAN!
[ APPLAUSE ]
♪ GOIN' DOWN LIKE A SUNSET
BURNIN' OUT LIKE A CIGARETTE BLOWIN' THROUGH THE CASH
THROUGH THE PAST ♪
♪ DRINKING DOWN THAT
MEMORY TIL THERE'S NOTHIN' LEFT I COULD GO ON AND ON ♪
♪ ON WHY YOU'RE GONE
I COULD BLAME IT ON THE WHISKEY I WOULDN'T BLAME YOU ♪
♪ IF YOU DIDN'T EVEN MISS ME
GAVE YOU A MILLION REASONS GIRL NOT TO BE WITH ME
SHOULD'VE NEVER LET YOU GO ♪
♪ SHOULD'VE NEVER
WATCHED YOU GO I COULD BLAME IT ON A GOOD HIGH ♪
♪ LET IT TAKE THE BLAME
FOR WHY YOU TOLD ME GOODBYE INSTEAD OF MISSIN' YOU AND ♪
♪ MISSIN' ALL THOSE
GOOD TIMES SHOULD'VE NEVER LET YOU GO
SHOULD'VE NEVER ♪
♪ WATCHED YOU GO
I COULD SAY I NEVER KNEW I COULD DRINK AROUND THE TRUTH ♪
♪ BUT I CAN'T BLAME IT
ON YOU YEAH YEAH TRYING TO RIDE OUT THE MIDNIGHT ♪
♪ TRYING TO FIGHT THROUGH
THE DAYLIGHT WONDERING WHERE YOU'RE AT
AND JUST LIKE THAT ♪
♪ I'M LOOKING BACK ON WHAT
I HAD WHEN YOU WERE MINE I COULD GO ON AND ON
ON WHY YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ I COULD BLAME IT
ON THE WHISKEY I WOULDN'T BLAME YOU IF
YOU DIDN'T EVEN MISS ME ♪
♪ GAVE YOU A MILLION REASONS
GIRL NOT TO BE WITH ME SHOULD'VE NEVER LET YOU GO
SHOULD'VE NEVER ♪
♪ WATCHED YOU GO
I COULD BLAME IT ON A GOOD HIGH LET IT TAKE THE BLAME FOR ♪
♪ WHY YOU TOLD ME GOODBYE
INSTEAD OF MISSIN' YOU AND MISSIN' ALL
THOSE GOOD TIMES ♪
♪ SHOULD'VE NEVER
LET YOU GO SHOULD'VE NEVER WATCHED YOU GO ♪
♪ I COULD SAY I NEVER KNEW
I COULD DRINK AROUND THE TRUTH
BUT I CAN'T BLAME IT ON YOU, YEAH, ♪
♪ I COULD GO ON AND ON
I COULD GO ON AND ON ON WHY YOU'RE GONE
I COULD BLAME IT ♪
♪ ON THE WHISKEY
I WOULDN'T BLAME YOU IF YOU DIDN'T EVEN MISS ME
GAVE YOU A MILLION REASONS ♪
♪ GIRL NOT TO BE WITH ME
SHOULD'VE NEVER LET YOU GO SHOULD'VE NEVER WATCHED YOU GO ♪
♪ I COULD BLAME IT
ON A GOOD HIGH LET IT TAKE THE BLAME FOR
WHY YOU TOLD ME GOODBYE ♪
♪ INSTEAD OF MISSIN' YOU AND
MISSIN' ALL THOSE GOOD TIMES SHOULD'VE NEVER LET YOU GO ♪
♪ SHOULD'VE NEVER
WATCHED YOU GO I COULD SAY I NEVER KNEW
I COULD DRINK ♪
♪ AROUND THE TRUTH
I COULD SAY I NEVER KNEW YEAH I COULD DRINK
AROUND THE TRUTH ♪
♪ BUT I CAN'T BLAME IT
ON YOU, YEAH, YEAH ♪
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY
MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK SEAN HAYES, CASEY WILSON AND
JASON ALDEAN. APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON.
TOMORROW NIGHT, OUR GUESTS ARE ROSARIO DAWSON, MUSIC FROM
ANITTA, AND DR. FAUCI. THERE'S SOMETHING CALLED "COVID"
HE'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT. IT SOUNDS INTERESTING.
"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING,
GOODNIGHT.