1 00:00:00,927 --> 00:00:02,276 >>> FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S JIMMY KIMMEL! 2 00:00:02,276 --> 00:00:06,981 TONIGHT, SEAN HAYES, CASEY WILSON, AND NEW MUSIC FROM JASON 3 00:00:06,981 --> 00:00:13,427 ALDEAN. AND NOW JIMMY KIMMEL! 4 00:00:13,427 --> 00:00:15,629 >> Jimmy: HI, EVERYONE. THANK YOU, HI, I'M JIMMY. 5 00:00:15,629 --> 00:00:16,697 I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW. THANKS FOR WATCHING. 6 00:00:16,697 --> 00:00:21,668 THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. WELL, THAT'S NICE BECAUSE I TELL 7 00:00:21,668 --> 00:00:25,706 YOU SOMETHING. HERE IN THE UNITED STATES, 8 00:00:25,706 --> 00:00:28,642 THINGS ARE REALLY LOOKING UP. THERE IS A NEW SENSE OF 9 00:00:28,642 --> 00:00:32,513 OPTIMISM, THE LIKES OF WHICH WE HAVE NOT BEEN FELT IN QUITE SOME 10 00:00:32,513 --> 00:00:33,280 TIME. ACCORDING TO A NEW ABC NEWS 11 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:34,715 POLL, AMERICANS ARE MORE HOPEFUL ABOUT THE FUTURE THAN THEY HAVE 12 00:00:34,715 --> 00:00:41,155 BEEN IN 15 YEARS. SINCE 2006. OF COURSE, THAT POLL WAS 13 00:00:41,155 --> 00:00:43,775 CONDUCTED BEFORE WE FOUND OUT ELON MUSK IS HOSTING "SATURDAY 14 00:00:43,775 --> 00:00:45,844 NIGHT LIVE." WE'LL SEE IF IT HOLDS UP. 15 00:00:45,844 --> 00:00:47,112 64% OF AMERICANS SAY THEY LIKE THE WAY THINGS ARE HEADED, AND 16 00:00:47,112 --> 00:00:48,980 NOT ONLY ARE WE FEELING MORE OPTIMISTIC, WE'RE ALSO GETTING 17 00:00:48,980 --> 00:00:50,548 MORE AMOROUS. 18 00:00:50,548 --> 00:00:57,722 SALES OF CONDOMS HAVE 19 00:00:57,722 --> 00:01:00,725 YOU KNOW THOSE THINGS, RIGHT? HAVE SKYROCKETED OVER THE PAST 20 00:01:00,725 --> 00:01:01,760 MONTH. CONDOM SALES ARE UP 24%. AND WHY NOT? 21 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,328 YOU'RE AT WALGREENS GETTING YOUR VACCINATION ANYWAY. 22 00:01:03,328 --> 00:01:05,397 MIGHT AS WELL PICK UP A TWELVE PACK OF WHITE CLAW AND A CARTON 23 00:01:05,397 --> 00:01:11,336 OF DUREX TOO. RIGHT, GUILLERMO? 24 00:01:11,336 --> 00:01:13,471 >> Guillermo: THAT'S RIGHT, JIMMY, YES. 25 00:01:13,471 --> 00:01:15,940 >> Jimmy: HERE IN LOS ANGELES, AS OF TODAY, OUR PUBLIC 26 00:01:15,940 --> 00:01:18,476 LIBRARIES ARE OPEN ONCE AGAIN. FINALLY, YOU CAN GO INDOORS AND 27 00:01:18,476 --> 00:01:22,847 READ A BOOK. PLAYGROUNDS ARE OPEN TOO. 28 00:01:22,847 --> 00:01:26,651 I'M GLAD THE PLAYGROUNDS ARE OPEN. 29 00:01:26,651 --> 00:01:27,919 I WAS GETTING TIRED OF DRESSING THE KIDS IN PAW PATROL COSTUMES 30 00:01:27,919 --> 00:01:30,922 AND TAKING THEM TO THE DOG PARK. EVEN JOE BIDEN TOOK A FIELD TRIP 31 00:01:30,922 --> 00:01:33,925 TODAY. THE PRESIDENT POPPED INTO A 32 00:01:33,925 --> 00:01:37,595 FIFTH GRADE CLASS AT YORKTOWN ELEMENTARY IN VIRGINIA THIS 33 00:01:37,595 --> 00:01:41,966 MORNING, FOR A QUICK VISIT WITH THE KIDS. 34 00:01:41,966 --> 00:01:44,436 >> WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YO GROW UP? 35 00:01:44,436 --> 00:01:46,304 >> I WANT TO BE A FASHION DESIGNER. 36 00:01:46,304 --> 00:01:46,971 >> ALL RIGHT. 37 00:01:46,971 --> 00:01:48,239 >> A FASHION DESIGNER. 38 00:01:48,239 --> 00:01:50,608 >> PRETTY GOOD. HOW ABOUT YOU? 39 00:01:50,608 --> 00:01:52,243 >> A BARRISTA. 40 00:01:52,243 --> 00:01:53,578 >> A BARISTA, THAT'S GOOD. 41 00:01:53,578 --> 00:01:54,212 >> A CHEF. 42 00:01:54,212 --> 00:01:58,783 >> A CHEF, WHOA! ALL BE DARNED. 43 00:01:58,783 --> 00:02:00,151 WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE? 44 00:02:00,151 --> 00:02:04,356 >> I WANT TO BE A FUNERAL DIRECTOR. 45 00:02:04,356 --> 00:02:06,458 I ENJOY WORKING WITH DEAD BODIES. 46 00:02:06,458 --> 00:02:07,359 >> HOLY COW. 47 00:02:07,359 --> 00:02:11,730 >> Jimmy: WOW, KIDS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS, DON'T THEY? 48 00:02:11,730 --> 00:02:13,298 DID YOU SEE THE BIG SPACEXTRAVAGANZA YESTERDAY? 49 00:02:13,298 --> 00:02:16,901 THE CREW ABOARD THE "SPACEX DRAGON" SUCCESSFULLY 50 00:02:16,901 --> 00:02:23,441 SPLASHED DOWN AFTER SIX MONTHS IN ORBIT. 51 00:02:23,441 --> 00:02:26,478 AND THEY GOT A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE. THAT'S THE THING ABOUT 52 00:02:26,478 --> 00:02:28,513 ASTRONAUTS, THOUGH. THEY'RE ALL LIKE I'M GOING TO 53 00:02:28,513 --> 00:02:31,149 THE MOON, BUT SOONER OR LATER, THEY ALWAYS COME BACK. 54 00:02:31,149 --> 00:02:33,752 THEY COME CRAWLING BACK TO EARTH. THIS WAS THE FIRST MANNED 55 00:02:33,752 --> 00:02:35,820 NIGHTTIME LANDING SINCE 1968, AND IT WENT GREAT. 56 00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:38,957 ALL FOUR ASTRONAUTS WERE RECOVERED IN ONE PIECE. 57 00:02:38,957 --> 00:02:41,559 IT'S A LOT EASIER FOR THESE THINGS TO SPLASH DOWN NOW THAT 58 00:02:41,559 --> 00:02:46,297 THE OCEAN IS FILLED WITH PACKING PEANUTS. IT'S SAFER. 59 00:02:46,297 --> 00:02:48,366 BY THE WAY, THIS IS FUNNY. I GOOGLED THIS TODAY. 60 00:02:48,366 --> 00:02:50,969 THESE ARE THE FIRST TWO QUESTIONS THAT POP UP WHEN YOU 61 00:02:50,969 --> 00:02:57,075 SEARCH "SPACE X DRAGON." NUMBER ONE, WHO IS THE CREW? 62 00:02:57,075 --> 00:02:59,978 AND DOES SPACEX DRAGON HAVE A TOILET. 63 00:02:59,978 --> 00:03:01,212 WHICH, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THAT'S REALLY ALL YOU REALLY 64 00:03:01,212 --> 00:03:02,247 NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ANYONE. WHO ARE YOU? 65 00:03:02,247 --> 00:03:06,217 AND WHERE ARE YOU POOPING? SOLID IDEA FOR ELON'S MONOLOGUE 66 00:03:06,217 --> 00:03:12,957 SATURDAY NIGHT. RIGHT? 67 00:03:12,957 --> 00:03:13,758 >> Guillermo: RIGHT, JIMMY, YEAH. 68 00:03:13,758 --> 00:03:15,560 >> Jimmy: IN OTHER TECHNO NEWS, THIS MIGHT BE UP THERE WITH 69 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,295 SPACEX. IN VIRGINIA, A LOCAL GIRL SCOUT 70 00:03:17,295 --> 00:03:18,463 TROOP CAME UP WITH A CREATIVE WAY TO GET THEIR COOKIES TO 71 00:03:18,463 --> 00:03:20,298 CUSTOMERS DURING COVID. THEY TEAMED UP WITH A DRONE 72 00:03:20,298 --> 00:03:25,570 DELIVERY SERVICE TO DROP BOXES OF THIN MINTS FROM THE SKY. 73 00:03:25,570 --> 00:03:31,709 IT'S FUN, RIGHT? WHO WANTS TO SEE THE SMILE OF AN 74 00:03:31,709 --> 00:03:33,912 APPRECIATIVE CHILD WHEN YOU CAN GET COOKIES DROPPED RIGHT ON 75 00:03:33,912 --> 00:03:37,916 YOUR HEAD FROM THE SKY? GIRL SCOUT COOKIE SALES ARE DOWN 76 00:03:37,916 --> 00:03:40,919 50% THIS YEAR, WHICH IS STRANGE BECAUSE EVERYBODY'S WEIGHT IS UP 77 00:03:40,919 --> 00:03:42,687 50% THIS YEAR. BUT MAYBE THIS WILL TURN THINGS 78 00:03:42,687 --> 00:03:48,193 AROUND. I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE FUN TO TRY 79 00:03:48,193 --> 00:03:51,629 USING A DRONE TO DELIVER COOKIES IN OUR STUDIO. 80 00:03:51,629 --> 00:03:58,736 SO ‐‐ THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WE GOT ONE, AND WE HAVE A 81 00:03:58,736 --> 00:04:02,874 TREFOILE COOKIE. IS THAT YOUR FAVORITE COOK ZMI. 82 00:04:02,874 --> 00:04:06,077 >> Guillermo: YES, JIMMY, THAT'S MY FAVORITE. 83 00:04:06,077 --> 00:04:08,112 >> Jimmy: THOSE ARE NOBODY'S FAVORITE. 84 00:04:08,112 --> 00:04:08,746 >> Guillermo: IT'S MINE. 85 00:04:08,746 --> 00:04:11,082 >> Jimmy: THERE WE GO. I'M GOING TO TRY TO OPERATE THIS 86 00:04:11,082 --> 00:04:12,484 THING. I'M GOING TRY TO GET THIS RIGHT 87 00:04:12,484 --> 00:04:13,751 INTO YOUR MOUTH, GUILLERMO. 88 00:04:13,751 --> 00:04:14,185 >> ALL RIGHT. 89 00:04:14,185 --> 00:04:19,424 >> Jimmy: I'M GOING THE WRONG WAY ALREADY. HERE WE GO. 90 00:04:19,424 --> 00:04:23,127 OH, WHOA! HEY. 91 00:04:23,127 --> 00:04:24,162 >> Guillermo: WOW. 92 00:04:24,162 --> 00:04:29,734 >> Jimmy: AND ALL RIGHT. WE'LL TRY LATER, I GUESS. 93 00:04:29,734 --> 00:04:31,669 >> Guillermo: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE COOKIE? 94 00:04:31,669 --> 00:04:37,609 >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I'LL TRY AT THE END. 95 00:04:37,609 --> 00:04:41,679 [ LAUGHTER ] 96 00:04:41,679 --> 00:04:45,049 I GUESS WE SHOULD HAVE HAD A REHEARSAL. 97 00:04:45,049 --> 00:04:47,118 AS OF SATURDAY, CASINOS IN LAS VEGAS ARE ALLOWED TO OPERATE AT 98 00:04:47,118 --> 00:04:50,255 80% CAPACITY. THERE IS ALREADY A LOT OF 99 00:04:50,255 --> 00:04:54,792 ACTIVITY ON THE STRIP. THIS WAS THE SCENE IN VEGAS THIS 100 00:04:54,792 --> 00:04:56,160 WEEKEND DOWNTOWN. GAMBLERS ARE VACCINATED AND 101 00:04:56,160 --> 00:05:03,167 READY TO LOSE THEIR WHOLE STIMULUS CHECKS PLAYING "YOUNG 102 00:05:03,167 --> 00:05:07,672 SHELDON" SLOT MACHINES. JUST UP THE 15 IN UTAH, 103 00:05:07,672 --> 00:05:08,673 SENATOR MITT ROMNEY HAD A ROUGH WEEKEND. 104 00:05:08,673 --> 00:05:10,775 ROMNEY APPEARED AT THE STATE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION, WHERE HE 105 00:05:10,775 --> 00:05:18,116 WAS BOOED RELENTLESSLY BY HIS FELLOW REPUBLICANS. 106 00:05:18,116 --> 00:05:23,955 >> SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF PRESIDENT BIDEN'S FIRST ‐‐ 107 00:05:23,955 --> 00:05:24,222 [ BOOING ] 108 00:05:24,222 --> 00:05:32,196 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 109 00:05:32,196 --> 00:05:36,067 THANK YOU. 110 00:05:36,067 --> 00:05:38,503 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU. I'VE NEVER SEEN RUDE BEHAVIOR 111 00:05:38,503 --> 00:05:43,074 FROM A GROUP OF MORMONS BEFORE, BUT IT ONLY WENT UPHILL FROM 112 00:05:43,074 --> 00:05:43,942 THERE. 113 00:05:43,942 --> 00:05:48,379 >> YOU KNOW ME AS A PERSON WHO SAYS WHAT HE THINKS, AND I DON'T 114 00:05:48,379 --> 00:05:51,316 HIDE THE FACT THAT I WASN'T A FAN OF OUR LAST PRESIDENT'S 115 00:05:51,316 --> 00:05:53,251 CHARACTER ISSUES. 116 00:05:53,251 --> 00:05:53,518 [ BOOING ] 117 00:05:53,518 --> 00:05:57,121 >> AND I'M ALSO NO FAN ‐‐ 118 00:05:57,121 --> 00:06:06,965 >> SHOW SOME RESPECT! 119 00:06:06,965 --> 00:06:09,601 >> AREN'T YOU EMBARRASSED? 120 00:06:09,601 --> 00:06:11,336 >> Jimmy: NO, THEY'RE NOT EMBARRASSED. 121 00:06:11,336 --> 00:06:14,572 LIKE THEIR LEADER, THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF SHAME. 122 00:06:14,572 --> 00:06:16,674 AND OF COURSE, THIS WAS MUSIC TO THE EARS OF ONE DONALD J. TRUMP, 123 00:06:16,674 --> 00:06:17,875 WHO RELEASED A STATEMENT, THIS IS WHAT HE DOES NOW THAT HE 124 00:06:17,875 --> 00:06:21,346 CAN'T TWEET. HE RELEASED A STATEMENT SAYING, 125 00:06:21,346 --> 00:06:23,448 "SO NICE TO SEE RINO MITT ROMNEY BOOED OFF THE STAGE AT THE UTAH 126 00:06:23,448 --> 00:06:27,085 REPUBLICAN STATE CONVENTION. THEY ARE AMONG THE EARLIEST TO 127 00:06:27,085 --> 00:06:30,755 HAVE FIGURED THIS GUY OUT, A STONE COLD LOSER." 128 00:06:30,755 --> 00:06:32,890 THANKS FOR THE MEMO, DON. WE'LL MAKE SURE TO FAX IT TO 129 00:06:32,890 --> 00:06:40,098 MITT. WHY ARE TRUMP'S LOSERS ALWAYS 130 00:06:40,098 --> 00:06:44,035 STONE‐COLD? DO THEY HAVE TO BE KEPT AT A 131 00:06:44,035 --> 00:06:45,203 CERTAIN TEMPERATURE, LIKE THE VACCINE OR SOMETHING? 132 00:06:45,203 --> 00:06:46,371 SPEAKING OF STONE COLD LOSERS, RMEMBER TRUMP'S NATIONAL 133 00:06:46,371 --> 00:06:49,907 SECURITY ADVISOR, MICHAEL FLYNN? THE FORMER GENERAL WHO PLEADED 134 00:06:49,907 --> 00:06:56,414 GUILTY TO LYING TO THE FBI ABOUT HIS TIES TO RUSSIA, THEN GOT A 135 00:06:56,414 --> 00:06:59,450 PARDON FROM HIS FORMER BOSS, AND NOW SOMEHOW HE IS A HERO TO THE 136 00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:01,786 QANON CROWD. FLYNN SPOKE AT A RALLY OF TRUMP 137 00:07:01,786 --> 00:07:04,422 SUPPORTERS IN SOUTH CAROLINA YESTERDAY, AND FOR AN 138 00:07:04,422 --> 00:07:07,525 EX‐MILITARY MAN WHO WRAPS HIS MISDEEDS TIGHTLY IN THE FLAG, HE 139 00:07:07,525 --> 00:07:09,727 SURE DID HAVE TROUBLE COMING UP WITH THE WORDS TO THE PLEDGE OF 140 00:07:09,727 --> 00:07:13,164 ALLEGIANCE. 141 00:07:13,164 --> 00:07:16,000 >> LISTEN, I'M GOING TO SAY THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE. 142 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,969 YOU'RE GOING TO SAY IT ALONG WITH ME. 143 00:07:17,969 --> 00:07:20,138 I WANT YOU TO HEAR, NOT JUST LISTEN. 144 00:07:20,138 --> 00:07:24,409 I WANT YOU TO HEAR EVERY SINGLE WORD OF THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE. 145 00:07:24,409 --> 00:07:28,246 THAT IS OUR PLEDGE TO EACH OTHER. THAT IS OUR PLEDGE THOUGH THIS 146 00:07:28,246 --> 00:07:30,014 COUNTRY. I PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE 147 00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:36,120 FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 148 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:39,557 INDIVIDE YUL FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION, UNDER GOD ‐‐ 149 00:07:39,557 --> 00:07:44,162 >> INDIVISIBLE. 150 00:07:44,162 --> 00:07:48,232 >> Jimmy: I PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE, ININDIVIDUAL ‐‐ I 151 00:07:48,232 --> 00:07:52,603 MEAN INDIVISIBLE. YOU GUYS FILL IN THE REST. 152 00:07:52,603 --> 00:07:53,705 ONLY THE BEST PEOPLE. I BET HE KNOWS THE RUSSIAN 153 00:07:53,705 --> 00:07:55,807 PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE! YOU KNOW, IT'S EASY TO GOOF ON 154 00:07:55,807 --> 00:07:58,910 MIKE FLYNN, BECAUSE HE'S A LUNATIC, BUT I WONDER HOW MANY 155 00:07:58,910 --> 00:08:01,112 OF US CAN RECITE THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE WITHOUT SCREWING IT 156 00:08:01,112 --> 00:08:06,751 UP. DO YOU KNOW THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE, GUILLERMO? 157 00:08:06,751 --> 00:08:09,053 >> Guillermo: I USED TO DO IT IN SCHOOL, JIMMY. 158 00:08:09,053 --> 00:08:11,989 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. GIVE IT A TRY. YOU GOT STAND UP. 159 00:08:11,989 --> 00:08:14,892 YOU CAN'T SIT. PUT YOUR HAND. 160 00:08:14,892 --> 00:08:16,961 >> Guillermo: I PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG OF THE 161 00:08:16,961 --> 00:08:18,429 UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND WHICH ‐‐ 162 00:08:18,429 --> 00:08:20,431 >> Jimmy: OKAY, YOU SCREWED IT UP. 163 00:08:20,431 --> 00:08:21,632 >> Guillermo: I DID? 164 00:08:21,632 --> 00:08:25,536 >> Jimmy: WELL, LET'S GO OUT TO THE STREET TO FIND ‐‐ 165 00:08:25,536 --> 00:08:26,003 >> Guillermo: I DID? 166 00:08:26,003 --> 00:08:30,274 >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU DID. CAN YOU DO THE PLEDGE OF 167 00:08:30,274 --> 00:08:31,242 ALLEGIANCE FOR ME? 168 00:08:31,242 --> 00:08:32,310 >> I SURE COULD. 169 00:08:32,310 --> 00:08:35,179 >> TAKE IT AWAY. OH, HAND OVER THE HEART. 170 00:08:35,179 --> 00:08:37,115 >> OH, THAT. I PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE 171 00:08:37,115 --> 00:08:42,620 FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, ONE NATION ‐‐ 172 00:08:42,620 --> 00:08:43,688 >> FROM THE TOP. 173 00:08:43,688 --> 00:08:46,190 >> OH, MAN. 174 00:08:46,190 --> 00:08:50,361 >> I PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE ALLEGIANCE ‐‐ 175 00:08:50,361 --> 00:08:50,628 [ BUZZER ] 176 00:08:50,628 --> 00:08:55,099 I PLEDGE THE ALLEGIANCE ‐‐ 177 00:08:55,099 --> 00:08:55,366 [ BUZZER ] 178 00:08:55,366 --> 00:08:59,370 >> I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE AMERICA. 179 00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:01,139 >> TO THE UNITED STATES FLAG. 180 00:09:01,139 --> 00:09:01,906 [ BUZZER ] 181 00:09:01,906 --> 00:09:03,374 THE AMERICAN FLAG ‐‐ 182 00:09:03,374 --> 00:09:03,841 [ BUZZER ] 183 00:09:03,841 --> 00:09:06,110 >> TOO MANY WORDS. 184 00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:08,679 >> I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG TO THE UNITED STATES OF 185 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:08,946 AMERICA. 186 00:09:08,946 --> 00:09:12,450 >> TO THE REPUBLIC TO WHICH WE HONOR. 187 00:09:12,450 --> 00:09:12,717 [ BUZZER ] 188 00:09:12,717 --> 00:09:19,724 >> AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR BEING UNITED OR SOMETHING? 189 00:09:19,724 --> 00:09:19,991 [ BUZZER ] 190 00:09:19,991 --> 00:09:25,696 >> ONE NATION ‐‐ ONE FLAG NO, WAY. 191 00:09:25,696 --> 00:09:25,963 [ BUZZER ] 192 00:09:25,963 --> 00:09:26,097 . 193 00:09:26,097 --> 00:09:28,132 >> ONE NATION, UNDER GOD TO THE REPUBLIC ‐‐ 194 00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:29,033 >> [ BUZZER ] 195 00:09:29,033 --> 00:09:31,969 >> UNDER GOD, INDIVIDUAL ‐‐ 196 00:09:31,969 --> 00:09:32,236 [ BUZZER ] 197 00:09:32,236 --> 00:09:33,638 >> ALMOST. 198 00:09:33,638 --> 00:09:34,505 >> INDEPENDENT. 199 00:09:34,505 --> 00:09:34,772 [ BUZZER ] 200 00:09:34,772 --> 00:09:36,007 >> INDIVIDED. 201 00:09:36,007 --> 00:09:36,908 >> [ BUZZER ] 202 00:09:36,908 --> 00:09:37,575 >> INDIVIDUAL. 203 00:09:37,575 --> 00:09:37,909 >> [ BUZZER ] 204 00:09:37,909 --> 00:09:41,479 >> I KNOW THE WORD INDIVIDUAL IS IN THERE. 205 00:09:41,479 --> 00:09:43,147 THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT, RIGHT? 206 00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:43,314 >>. 207 00:09:43,314 --> 00:09:43,581 [ BUZZER ] 208 00:09:43,581 --> 00:09:45,349 >> SEE, I WAS THINKING INDIVIDUAL ‐‐ 209 00:09:45,349 --> 00:09:45,650 >> [ BUZZE ] 210 00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:48,186 >> I KNOW LIBERTY IS IN THERE, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE. 211 00:09:48,186 --> 00:09:50,488 >> LIBERTY, FREEDOM, REPUBLICAN FOR ALL. 212 00:09:50,488 --> 00:09:50,755 [ BUZZER ] 213 00:09:50,755 --> 00:09:52,957 >> AND LIBERTY FOR ALL. 214 00:09:52,957 --> 00:09:54,592 >> YOU LEFT OUT ONE IMPORTANT WORD. 215 00:09:54,592 --> 00:09:55,760 >> AMEN? 216 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,095 >> CLOSE ENOUGH. 217 00:09:58,095 --> 00:10:00,832 >> WAS I CLOSE ENOUGH? THAT WILL DO IT? 218 00:10:00,832 --> 00:10:04,836 >> THERE YOU GO, JIMMY. 219 00:10:04,836 --> 00:10:07,905 >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT. CLOSE ENOUGH. ALL RIGHT. 220 00:10:07,905 --> 00:10:13,578 LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN. HERE WE GO. GUILLERMO, GET READY TO EAT 221 00:10:13,578 --> 00:10:18,749 HERE. ALL RIGHT. OKAY. I'M GOING TO GO A LITTLE HIGHER. 222 00:10:18,749 --> 00:10:20,184 OKAY. NOW I'M GOING TO GO FORWARD, I 223 00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:29,660 THINK. 224 00:10:29,660 --> 00:10:30,494 >> Guillermo: OH! 225 00:10:30,494 --> 00:10:31,329 >> Jimmy: HOLD ON. LET ME COME BACK. 226 00:10:31,329 --> 00:10:38,703 GO A LITTLE LOWER. THERE WE GO. 227 00:10:38,703 --> 00:10:40,671 YOU GOT TO PAY ATTENTION. HERE IT COMES. 228 00:10:40,671 --> 00:10:46,310 HERE COMES YOUR BISCUIT! OH! WAIT, WAIT. 229 00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:50,514 GO A LITTLE LOWER. 230 00:10:50,514 --> 00:10:54,385 >> Guillermo: NOW I FEEL LIKE A CHIHUAHUA. 231 00:10:54,385 --> 00:10:59,156 >> Jimmy: WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE A FRENCH BULLDOG. ALL RIGHT. 232 00:10:59,156 --> 00:11:05,129 HERE WE GO. 233 00:11:05,129 --> 00:11:06,964 >> Guillermo: HOW MUCH TIME DO WE HAVE? 234 00:11:06,964 --> 00:11:07,932 >> Jimmy: WE GOT ALL THE TIME WE NEED. 235 00:11:07,932 --> 00:11:10,534 >> Guillermo: ALL RIGHT. 236 00:11:10,534 --> 00:11:12,770 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO. 237 00:11:12,770 --> 00:11:13,738 >> APOLOGIZE ‐‐ 238 00:11:13,738 --> 00:11:21,379 >> Jimmy: HERE IT COMES, HERE IT COMES! YES, THERE WE GO! 239 00:11:21,379 --> 00:11:28,920 [ APPLAUSE ] 240 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,688 HOLD ON. CHEW ON IT, AND I'LL SEE IF I 241 00:11:30,688 --> 00:11:35,393 CAN GET YOU TO FLY TOO. BE LIKE THE MOVIE "UP." 242 00:11:35,393 --> 00:11:36,794 HERE WE GO. 243 00:11:36,794 --> 00:11:37,828 >> Jimmy: WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 244 00:11:37,828 --> 00:11:38,996 CASEY WILSON IS HERE. WE HAVE MUSIC FROM JASON ALDEAN. 245 00:11:38,996 --> 00:11:45,770 AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SEAN HAYES. SO STICK AROUND. 246 00:11:49,707 --> 00:11:52,209 ♪ 247 00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:03,520 ♪ 248 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,522 >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. OH, HERE IT IS. 249 00:12:05,522 --> 00:12:09,526 THIS IS HER VERY FUNNY NEW BOOK. IT'S CALLED "THE WRECKAGE OF MY 250 00:12:09,526 --> 00:12:12,362 PRESENCE." CASEY WILSON IS HERE WITH US 251 00:12:12,362 --> 00:12:17,767 TONIGHT. THEN LATER, A BONA FIDE COUNTRY 252 00:12:17,767 --> 00:12:19,769 MUSIC SUPERSTAR, HIS LATEST SINGLE IS CALLED "BLAME IT ON 253 00:12:19,769 --> 00:12:24,374 YOU," MUSIC FROM JASON ALDEAN. THIS WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS 254 00:12:24,374 --> 00:12:27,911 ALL THIS WEEK WITH GUESTS ROSARIO DAWSON, 255 00:12:27,911 --> 00:12:29,446 JULIANNA MARGULIES, ROB McELHENNEY, DANIEL DAE KIM, 256 00:12:29,446 --> 00:12:34,718 AND DR. ANTHONY FAUCI, WITH MUSIC FROM ANITA, AMYTHYST KIAH, 257 00:12:34,718 --> 00:12:38,888 AND MIDDLE KIDS. AND THIS IS FUN. TONIGHT IS NIGHT ONE OF THE 258 00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:43,660 BUD LIGHT SUMMER STIMMY PROGRAM. BUD LIGHT IS STIMULATING US, BY 259 00:12:43,660 --> 00:12:46,229 GIVING OUT 10 MILLION DOLLARS IN PRIZES TO MAKE SURE SUMMER IS 260 00:12:46,229 --> 00:12:52,836 ACTUALLY GOOD THIS YEAR. AND NOBODY DESERVES A GREAT 261 00:12:52,836 --> 00:12:55,939 SUMMER MORE THAN OUR FRONT LINE WORKERS WHO HAD SUCH A HARD ONE 262 00:12:55,939 --> 00:12:58,275 LAST YEAR. SO WE ARE WORKING WITH BUD LIGHT 263 00:12:58,275 --> 00:13:02,178 TO DONATE 5,000 TICKETS TO MAJOR SPORTING EVENTS 264 00:13:02,178 --> 00:13:03,213 TO THE LAC/USC MEDICAL CENTER FOUNDATION. 265 00:13:03,213 --> 00:13:05,849 TO GET THOSE BRAVE WOMEN AND MEN BACK OUT IN THE SUN WHEN IT'S 266 00:13:05,849 --> 00:13:07,917 SAFE, AND ONE OF THEM WILL GET TWO TICKETS TO SUPER BOWL LVI, 267 00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:11,588 WHICH HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN L.A. AT SOFI STADIUM. 268 00:13:11,588 --> 00:13:18,695 SO PUT THOSE JIGSAW PUZZLES AWAY BACK IN THE CLOSET, LIGHT YOUR 269 00:13:18,695 --> 00:13:21,631 SWEAT PANTS ON FIRE, BECAUSE IT'S TIME TO GO OUTSIDE AGAIN. 270 00:13:21,631 --> 00:13:27,237 YOU CAN LEARN MORE HERE AT BUD LIGHT SUMMER STIMMY.COM. 271 00:13:27,237 --> 00:13:30,173 THANKS TO BUD LIGHT FOR KICK STARTING THE BEST SUMMER EVER 272 00:13:30,173 --> 00:13:34,411 FOR OUR HARDWORKING HEROES. THANK YOU BUD LIGHT. 273 00:13:34,411 --> 00:13:35,645 YOU KNOW OUR FIRST GUEST'S FACE FROM HIS EMMY‐WINNING WORK ON 274 00:13:35,645 --> 00:13:38,114 THE SHOW "WILL & GRACE," AND YOU KNOW HIS VOICE FROM NOT ONE BUT 275 00:13:38,114 --> 00:13:42,852 TWO PODCASTS, THE VERY POPULAR "SMARTLESS," WITH JASON BATEMAN 276 00:13:42,852 --> 00:13:45,989 AND WILL ARNETT, AND NOW HIS NEW ONE, "HYPOCHONDRIACTOR." 277 00:13:45,989 --> 00:13:48,858 IT PREMIERES ON WEDNESDAY. PLEASE WELCOME SEAN HAYES. 278 00:13:48,858 --> 00:13:57,467 [ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ] 279 00:13:57,467 --> 00:14:03,673 ♪ 280 00:14:03,673 --> 00:14:09,212 >> Jimmy: WELCOME, WELCOME. HOW ARE YOU? HOW ARE YOU DOING? 281 00:14:09,212 --> 00:14:11,448 >> GOOD. WOW. HOW IS EVERYBODY? 282 00:14:11,448 --> 00:14:13,149 HOW IS IT WORKING AT THIS SHOW? 283 00:14:13,149 --> 00:14:15,185 [ CHEERING ] 284 00:14:15,185 --> 00:14:19,289 >> Jimmy: WE HAVE FUN. WE HAVE A GOOD GROUP. 285 00:14:19,289 --> 00:14:22,659 >> YOU GUYS ALL HAVE TO DO THIS ALL DAY LONG FOR THIS MONKEY, 286 00:14:22,659 --> 00:14:26,029 ALL DAY LONG, EVERY DAY. AND THEN YOU CASH YOUR CHECK AND 287 00:14:26,029 --> 00:14:27,997 HE FEELS GOOD ABOUT IT. 288 00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:30,934 >> Jimmy: IT'S NOT ‐‐ IT'S NOT ALL DAY LONG. 289 00:14:30,934 --> 00:14:31,368 >> YEAH. 290 00:14:31,368 --> 00:14:34,871 >> Jimmy: WE DO IT IN THE PARKING LOT WHEN I PULL UP. 291 00:14:34,871 --> 00:14:38,308 AND THEN OF COURSE IN THE HALL AS I WALK UPSTAIRS TO MY OFFICE. 292 00:14:38,308 --> 00:14:44,013 >> I HAVE A HEART OUT IN THREE MINUTES BECAUSE OF THE GUILLERMO 293 00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:46,116 BIT. THAT WAS 17 MINUTES. 294 00:14:46,116 --> 00:14:46,850 >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW. 295 00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:49,018 >> IS THAT HOW REHEARSAL WENT? 296 00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:52,489 >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD SEGUE INTO OUR TOPIC HERE TONIGHT, 297 00:14:52,489 --> 00:14:54,391 YOUR NEW PODCAST. 298 00:14:54,391 --> 00:14:56,025 >> ALL OF THE SUDDEN I JUST LOST JIMMY. 299 00:14:56,025 --> 00:15:00,397 HE WENT INTO HAVE JIMMY KIMMEL TV MODE. 300 00:15:00,397 --> 00:15:03,400 >> Jimmy: NO, BUT I DID THINK OF THE FACT THAT GUILLERMO AND I 301 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,835 JUST SHARED A COOKIE WHICH I HAVEN'T DONE WITH ANYONE FOR 302 00:15:05,835 --> 00:15:09,038 QUITE SOME TIME, GUILLERMO. I'M HAPPY IT WAS YOU, BUT I'M 303 00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:12,675 WORRIED WE NOW HAVE COVID OR SOMETHING. 304 00:15:12,675 --> 00:15:14,844 >> Guillermo: NO, WE'RE SAFE, WE'RE SAFE. 305 00:15:14,844 --> 00:15:18,348 >> Jimmy: MORE THAN THAT. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOUR SHOW 306 00:15:18,348 --> 00:15:18,681 "SMARTLESS". 307 00:15:18,681 --> 00:15:21,184 >> YOU'RE SO SWEET. AND YOU WERE SO KIND TO BE ON IT. 308 00:15:21,184 --> 00:15:23,820 >> Jimmy: IT WASN'T REALLY KINDNESS. I ENJOYED BEING ON IT. 309 00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:26,256 >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, I SAY THIS 310 00:15:26,256 --> 00:15:29,192 EVERY TIME, YOU'RE THE NICEST PERSON IN SHOW BUSINESS. 311 00:15:29,192 --> 00:15:29,659 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU. 312 00:15:29,659 --> 00:15:30,059 >> YOU ALWAYS ‐‐ 313 00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:32,162 [ APPLAUSE ] 314 00:15:32,162 --> 00:15:34,531 >> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT SAYING MUCH, BUT THANK YOU. 315 00:15:34,531 --> 00:15:38,101 >> THE BAR IS LOW. YOU'RE ALWAYS SO KIND. 316 00:15:38,101 --> 00:15:43,406 YOU'RE ALWAYS DO ANYTHING I ASK. I NEED TO BORROW $75,000. 317 00:15:43,406 --> 00:15:45,809 YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME WHENEVER I ASK. 318 00:15:45,809 --> 00:15:47,877 AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT. SO THANK YOU. 319 00:15:47,877 --> 00:15:49,479 >> Jimmy: WELL, I FEEL THE SAME ABOUT YOU. 320 00:15:49,479 --> 00:15:53,116 AND THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT. BUT NOW I'M GOING TO COMPLIMENT 321 00:15:53,116 --> 00:15:53,483 YOUR PODCAST. 322 00:15:53,483 --> 00:15:53,817 >> YES. 323 00:15:53,817 --> 00:15:59,222 >> Jimmy: AND I'M GOING TO ASK YOU IF YOUR CO‐HOSTS ON THE 324 00:15:59,222 --> 00:16:01,357 PODCAST, JASON BATEMAN. 325 00:16:01,357 --> 00:16:02,525 >> JASON AND WILL. 326 00:16:02,525 --> 00:16:03,860 >> Jimmy: YES. 327 00:16:03,860 --> 00:16:05,462 >> I ALWAYS CALL HIM JUSTIN. 328 00:16:05,462 --> 00:16:08,398 >> Jimmy: IT IS WEIRD BECAUSE WE DO HAVE ANOTHER FRIEND, JUSTIN 329 00:16:08,398 --> 00:16:10,700 THEROUX IN THE MIX, AND THAT DOES CONFUSE THINGS. 330 00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:14,070 AND OF COURSE WE ALL LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER. 331 00:16:14,070 --> 00:16:15,371 AND THAT CONFUSES THINGS. 332 00:16:15,371 --> 00:16:16,473 >> OH, THAT'S WHY. 333 00:16:16,473 --> 00:16:19,709 >> Jimmy: HOW DID THEY REACT WHEN YOU SAID GUYS, THIS IS 334 00:16:19,709 --> 00:16:23,413 DOING GREAT. I THINK I'M GOING TO DO MY OWN 335 00:16:23,413 --> 00:16:23,680 PODCAST. 336 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,982 >> I'M DOING BOTH. THEY DON'T GIVE A CRAP. 337 00:16:25,982 --> 00:16:28,751 THEY'RE VERY SUPPORTIVE. WE LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH. 338 00:16:28,751 --> 00:16:32,789 WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR OVER 20 YEARS. THEY'RE THE BEST. 339 00:16:32,789 --> 00:16:35,625 AS LONG AS THEY CAN MAKE THEIR TEE TIME ON THE GOLF COURSE. 340 00:16:35,625 --> 00:16:37,293 >> Jimmy: THEN THEY'RE ALL RIGHT. OKAY. 341 00:16:37,293 --> 00:16:41,664 SO YOU STARTED THIS PODCAST. IT'S CALLED "HYPOCHONDRIACTOR," 342 00:16:41,664 --> 00:16:43,967 WHICH I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WASN'T TAKEN. 343 00:16:43,967 --> 00:16:47,403 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WAS STILL AVAILABLE. 344 00:16:47,403 --> 00:16:47,770 >> YOU KIDDING? 345 00:16:47,770 --> 00:16:50,406 >> Jimmy: NO, I'M KIDDING. THAT'S A MOUTHFUL, 346 00:16:50,406 --> 00:16:51,074 "HYPOCHONDRIACTOR." 347 00:16:51,074 --> 00:16:53,843 >> "HYPOCHONDRIACTOR." YOU JUST SAID IT. 348 00:16:53,843 --> 00:16:56,813 >> I KNOW I JUST SAID IT. BUT YOU SAID IT LIKE IT ROLLS 349 00:16:56,813 --> 00:16:57,614 OFF THE TONGUE. IT DOES NOT. 350 00:16:57,614 --> 00:17:02,852 >> OKAY. THAT'S GOOD FOR MARKETING. 351 00:17:02,852 --> 00:17:05,221 CAN I GET THAT AS A SOUND BITE FROM YOU? 352 00:17:05,221 --> 00:17:06,623 >> Jimmy: ABSOLUTELY. 353 00:17:06,623 --> 00:17:09,893 >> NO, "HYPOCHONDRIACTOR." YEAH, I'VE ALWAYS KIND OF BEEN 354 00:17:09,893 --> 00:17:11,995 FASCINATED WITH MEDICAL STORIES. I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T 355 00:17:11,995 --> 00:17:15,398 KNOW THAT, BUT ANY TIME I READ SOMETHING OR HEAR SOMETHING, I 356 00:17:15,398 --> 00:17:18,167 THINK IF IT HASN'T HAPPENED TO ME, IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, LIKE 357 00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:21,037 WALKING DOWN THE STREET EVEN WHEN COVID STARTED, DID I GET 358 00:17:21,037 --> 00:17:22,906 TOO CLOSE TO THAT GUY? THAT'S ME ALL THE TIME. 359 00:17:22,906 --> 00:17:23,840 >> Jimmy: RIGHT. 360 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,708 >> SO I I'VE ALWAYS BEEN FASCINATED. 361 00:17:25,708 --> 00:17:29,012 MY FAVORITE PART OF TALK SHOWS IS WHEN PEOPLE COME ON AND SHARE 362 00:17:29,012 --> 00:17:32,181 A MEDICAL ISSUE BECAUSE IT'S NOT ONLY FUNNY, BUT PEOPLE AT HOME 363 00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:34,317 CAN RELATE TO IT. MAYBE THEY DON'T FEEL ALONE 364 00:17:34,317 --> 00:17:36,519 ANYMORE. AND YOU CAN PROVIDE HOPE AND 365 00:17:36,519 --> 00:17:40,423 INFORMATION ABOUT IT AND CONNECT. WHY IS THAT FUNNY? 366 00:17:40,423 --> 00:17:42,325 I DON'T KNOW. BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE THESE 367 00:17:42,325 --> 00:17:44,894 STORIES ON THE TALK SHOWS DO ANY OF THAT STUFF AT ALL. 368 00:17:44,894 --> 00:17:45,762 USUALLY IT'S YEAH ‐‐ 369 00:17:45,762 --> 00:17:47,063 >> NO, NO, SORRY. 370 00:17:47,063 --> 00:17:52,335 >> Jimmy: I GOT MY PENIS CAUGHT IN MY ZIPPER OR SOMETHING. 371 00:17:52,335 --> 00:17:53,403 I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S HELPING ANYBODY. 372 00:17:53,403 --> 00:17:56,005 >> WELL, NOW I CAN'T HAVE YOU ON THE SHOW BECAUSE YOU JUST SHARED 373 00:17:56,005 --> 00:17:58,341 YOUR STORY. NO, BUT I THINK IT'S LIKE ‐‐ NO, 374 00:17:58,341 --> 00:18:00,076 NO. I'M SAYING WHEN THEY'RE FUNNY. 375 00:18:00,076 --> 00:18:03,246 WHEN THEY HAVE ‐‐ I LOVE E. R. STORIES BECAUSE THEY'RE SO 376 00:18:03,246 --> 00:18:07,750 DRAMATIC. AS LONG AS THEY HAVE A HAPPY 377 00:18:07,750 --> 00:18:12,455 ENDING. NOT I'M JIMMY KIMMEL, I MAKE SEX 378 00:18:12,455 --> 00:18:15,892 JOKES. NOT AN ENDING LIKE THAT. IT'S COMEDY AND THE DRAMA. 379 00:18:15,892 --> 00:18:19,128 >> Jimmy: LIKE IN THE E. R. STORY, PROBABLY MY ONLY GOOD 380 00:18:19,128 --> 00:18:21,264 E.R. STORY IS RUNNING INTO YOU IN THE E. R. 381 00:18:21,264 --> 00:18:23,299 >> ISN'T THAT CRAZY? WE TALKED ABOUT THAT BEFORE. 382 00:18:23,299 --> 00:18:23,700 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 383 00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:27,670 >> I BROUGHT MY FRIEND ANDREA MARTIN WITH ME, SHE WASN'T 384 00:18:27,670 --> 00:18:28,271 FEELING WELL. 385 00:18:28,271 --> 00:18:30,039 >> Jimmy: GREAT COMEDY LEGEND ANDREA MARTIN. 386 00:18:30,039 --> 00:18:33,042 >> SHE IS THE BEST. I'M LOOKING, AND WE'RE TALKING, 387 00:18:33,042 --> 00:18:35,979 AND I LOOK OVER, AND THERE YOU ARE JUST STANDING THERE. 388 00:18:35,979 --> 00:18:39,115 I'M LIKE JIMMY? AND YOU'RE KIND OF FAR AWAY. 389 00:18:39,115 --> 00:18:42,752 JUST STANDING THERE. HOW ARE YOU DOING? 390 00:18:42,752 --> 00:18:45,455 WHAT YOU DOING HERE? YOU WERE MY WARM‐UP GUY. 391 00:18:45,455 --> 00:18:47,190 >> Jimmy: MY FRIEND DON, WARM‐UP GUY. 392 00:18:47,190 --> 00:18:48,625 >> HE WAS SICK AND YOU BROUGHT HIM THERE. 393 00:18:48,625 --> 00:18:53,730 I THOUGHT THAT WAS SO NICE. YOU'RE THE NICEST MAN IN SHOW 394 00:18:53,730 --> 00:18:54,263 BUSINESS. 395 00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:58,468 >> Jimmy: WELL, BUT I WAS UPSET BECAUSE YOU BROUGHT ANDREA 396 00:18:58,468 --> 00:19:01,771 MARTIN, AND SHE WAS JUST BEING IGNORED BASICALLY. 397 00:19:01,771 --> 00:19:05,875 DID YOU EVER SEE SETV? 398 00:19:05,875 --> 00:19:11,047 >> OR MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T EAT 399 00:19:11,047 --> 00:19:12,482 MEAT? SHE IS THE FUNNIEST PERSON EVER. 400 00:19:12,482 --> 00:19:15,351 SO WE WERE THERE. I GO ‐‐ I HAVE THIS CONDITION. 401 00:19:15,351 --> 00:19:18,154 I ALWAYS SAY NAME A PART OF MY BODY AND I CAN ‐‐ 402 00:19:18,154 --> 00:19:19,222 >> Jimmy: CAN I DO IT? 403 00:19:19,222 --> 00:19:20,390 >> SURE, IF YOU WANT. 404 00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:22,492 >> Jimmy: SO NAME A PART OF YOUR BODY. 405 00:19:22,492 --> 00:19:24,827 >> YEAH. 406 00:19:24,827 --> 00:19:27,463 >> Jimmy: AND YOU WILL HAVE A STORY ABOUT IT. 407 00:19:27,463 --> 00:19:28,965 >> INSIDE OR OUT. 408 00:19:28,965 --> 00:19:30,033 >> Jimmy: NIPPLES. 409 00:19:30,033 --> 00:19:32,869 >> THOSE ARE FINE. BUT THEY'RE VERY CLOSE TO MY 410 00:19:32,869 --> 00:19:36,406 HEART. MY HEART. SO WHEN I ‐‐ SEE, I HAVE AFIB. 411 00:19:36,406 --> 00:19:39,676 YOU KNOW WHAT AFIB? YOUR HEART BEATS LIKE THAT. 412 00:19:39,676 --> 00:19:40,176 >> Jimmy: SOMETIMES. 413 00:19:40,176 --> 00:19:41,511 >> LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, RIGHT? 414 00:19:41,511 --> 00:19:47,183 WHEN I GO TO THE E. R., THE SAME E.R. I SAW YOU AT CEDARS‐SINAI, 415 00:19:47,183 --> 00:19:50,420 I'M LIKE NORM FROM "CHEERS." I'M IN THERE ALL THE TIME. 416 00:19:50,420 --> 00:19:52,622 ALL I DO, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN. 417 00:19:52,622 --> 00:19:54,223 LOOK, THIS IS HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO. 418 00:19:54,223 --> 00:20:06,469 YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME 419 00:20:06,469 --> 00:20:10,306 APPROPRIATE PRO PROFIL. ONE TIME I WAS IN NEW YORK WITH 420 00:20:10,306 --> 00:20:11,040 SCOTTY, MY HUSBAND. HE IS GAY. 421 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:15,678 >> Jimmy: WHICH ONE, YOU OR SCOTTY? 422 00:20:15,678 --> 00:20:19,215 >> AND SO I'M IN ‐‐ 423 00:20:19,215 --> 00:20:19,749 >> Jimmy: WHAT? 424 00:20:19,749 --> 00:20:22,618 >> SO I'M IN NEW YORK, WALKING DOWN THE STREET. 425 00:20:22,618 --> 00:20:27,090 AND I GET AFIB, AND IT'S GOING REALLY FAST, RIGHT? 426 00:20:27,090 --> 00:20:30,426 AND IT'S GOING REALLY FAST. AND HE TAKES ME TO THE E. R. 427 00:20:30,426 --> 00:20:35,398 OH, CRAP. GOT TO GO TO THE E. R., PROPOFIL 428 00:20:35,398 --> 00:20:38,401 AND I'M OUT AND BACK. FOR SOME REASON ON THE WEST 429 00:20:38,401 --> 00:20:41,370 SIDE, THE E. R. LET HIM STAND IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM, IN THE 430 00:20:41,370 --> 00:20:42,705 OPERATING ROOM, WHEREVER I WAS, 431 00:20:42,705 --> 00:20:51,748 SO I WAS OUT PROPOFOL, THE 432 00:20:51,748 --> 00:20:55,885 MICHAEL JACKSON DRUG. I'M OUT AND I GO THIS IS AMAZING! 433 00:20:55,885 --> 00:21:02,291 RIGHT? AND I WAS OUT AGAIN. AND I WAS LIKE. 434 00:21:02,291 --> 00:21:08,731 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CALL IT? THAT'S CALLED BEING 435 00:21:08,731 --> 00:21:13,269 FUNCONSCIOUS. RIGHT? ANOTHER TITLE FOR ANOTHER 436 00:21:13,269 --> 00:21:14,070 PODCAST. 437 00:21:14,070 --> 00:21:15,171 >> THAT'S YOUR PODCAST. 438 00:21:15,171 --> 00:21:18,141 >> Jimmy: NO, YOU CAN HAVE THAT. SEAN HAYES IS HERE. 439 00:21:18,141 --> 00:21:21,210 HIS NEW PODCAST IS "HYPOCHONDRIACTOR" OR WE MAY 440 00:21:21,210 --> 00:21:24,180 CHANGE IT TO FUNCONSCIOUS. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 441 00:21:29,318 --> 00:21:33,456 >> OH, NO, I HAVE TO SET UP THE BRB FOR THE MEETING. 442 00:21:33,456 --> 00:21:38,928 I PRERECORD MYSELF. THEN I GO. HAVE A GREAT MEETING! 443 00:21:38,928 --> 00:21:42,064 WOO‐HOO, THANK YOU, CHARMIN! 444 00:21:42,064 --> 00:21:45,101 >> AND THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT BILLABLE HOURS. 445 00:21:45,101 --> 00:21:47,649 >> ENJOY THE GO AND NO ONE WILL KNOW. 446 00:21:51,020 --> 00:21:52,590 ♪ 447 00:21:52,590 --> 00:21:55,404 >> Jimmy: WE'RE BACK. CASEY WILSON IS COMING UP. 448 00:21:55,404 --> 00:21:58,374 JASON ALDEAN IS COMING UP, AND SEAN HAYES WITH US. 449 00:21:58,374 --> 00:22:02,144 HE HAS A PODCAST CALLED "HYPOCHONDRIACTOR." 450 00:22:02,144 --> 00:22:06,148 OKAY, YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT. 451 00:22:06,148 --> 00:22:07,984 >> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T KNOW THIS, BUT YOUR TALENT BOOKER, THE 452 00:22:07,984 --> 00:22:09,418 PEOPLE THAT BOOK THE SHOW. 453 00:22:09,418 --> 00:22:09,886 >> YEAH. 454 00:22:09,886 --> 00:22:14,056 >> Jimmy: ASKED ME TO BE ON. AND I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO I HAVE 455 00:22:14,056 --> 00:22:16,692 THAT ‐‐ YOU KNOW, WHAT DO I HAVE? AND THEN I THOUGHT OF IT. 456 00:22:16,692 --> 00:22:20,196 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WOULD BE INTERESTED IN THIS, BUT I WILL 457 00:22:20,196 --> 00:22:20,997 TELL YOU. 458 00:22:20,997 --> 00:22:21,297 >> OKAY. 459 00:22:21,297 --> 00:22:23,833 >> Jimmy: MY FATHER, HIS DREAM. 460 00:22:23,833 --> 00:22:24,200 >> OKAY. 461 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,936 >> Jimmy: AND THEY ALL ALREADY KNOW WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY. 462 00:22:26,936 --> 00:22:27,370 >> OKAY. 463 00:22:27,370 --> 00:22:28,604 >> Jimmy: HE LOVES TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT HIS MEDICAL 464 00:22:28,604 --> 00:22:33,976 CONDITIONS. I MEAN, IT'S HIS GREATEST 465 00:22:33,976 --> 00:22:37,380 PLEASURE IN LIFE IS TAKING YOU THROUGH A TWO‐HOUR STORY ABOUT 466 00:22:37,380 --> 00:22:39,682 HIS TORN MINISCUS. 467 00:22:39,682 --> 00:22:41,617 >> NOTHING WOULD MAKE ME HAPPIER. 468 00:22:41,617 --> 00:22:43,519 >> Jimmy: WOULD YOU BE OKAY IF I BROUGHT MY FATHER ON? 469 00:22:43,519 --> 00:22:43,920 >> ABSOLUTELY. 470 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,288 >> Jimmy: AND WE GO THROUGH HIS MEDICAL? 471 00:22:45,288 --> 00:22:45,821 >> ABSOLUTELY. 472 00:22:45,821 --> 00:22:47,957 >> Jimmy: THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL. 473 00:22:47,957 --> 00:22:52,194 >> BY THE WAY. 474 00:22:52,194 --> 00:22:53,062 >> Jimmy: YEAH? 475 00:22:53,062 --> 00:22:57,033 >> BY THE WAY, I ALSO HAD A TORN MINISCUS. 476 00:22:57,033 --> 00:22:59,569 >> Jimmy: OH MY GOD. HE WILL LOVE THAT, BUT ONLY AS 477 00:22:59,569 --> 00:23:02,271 AN OPENING FOR HIM TO TELL YOU ABOUT HIS TORMENT. 478 00:23:02,271 --> 00:23:04,774 >> THAT'S OKAY. AND IT'S FUNNY YOU SAY YOU DON'T 479 00:23:04,774 --> 00:23:08,110 KNOW IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING. BECAUSE I'M LOOKING AT A LOT OF 480 00:23:08,110 --> 00:23:10,947 PROBLEMS. 481 00:23:10,947 --> 00:23:11,247 [ LAUGHTER ] 482 00:23:11,247 --> 00:23:13,649 >> Jimmy: NOTHING COVERED YET. 483 00:23:13,649 --> 00:23:13,983 >> OH, OKAY. 484 00:23:13,983 --> 00:23:15,618 >> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU SEE? NAME A PART OF MY BODY. 485 00:23:15,618 --> 00:23:18,688 >> I THINK WE ALREADY HEARD ABOUT THE PENIS, JIMMY. 486 00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:19,822 >> Jimmy: I DO WANT TO TALK 487 00:23:19,822 --> 00:23:27,797 ABOUT YOUR OTHER PODCAST, 488 00:23:27,797 --> 00:23:28,764 "SMART "SMARTLESS". 489 00:23:28,764 --> 00:23:29,031 >> YES. 490 00:23:29,031 --> 00:23:31,100 >> Jimmy: IT'S A FUN IDEA. ONE OF YOU BOOKS A GUEST AND THE 491 00:23:31,100 --> 00:23:34,837 OTHER TWO DON'T KNOW WHO IT IS. THE GUEST IS REVEALED AND ALL OF 492 00:23:34,837 --> 00:23:38,140 THE SUDDEN THEY GO OH MY GOD, IT'S PAUL McCARTNEY, WHO YOU 493 00:23:38,140 --> 00:23:38,708 BOOK BOARD SHOW. 494 00:23:38,708 --> 00:23:41,844 >> FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW, WE DO IT THROUGH ZOOM. 495 00:23:41,844 --> 00:23:45,815 BECAUSE YOU WERE A GUEST ON IT. YOU COVER UP THE CAMERA, YOU 496 00:23:45,815 --> 00:23:51,821 CLOSE YOUR LAPTOP, PUT A POST‐IT OVER IT. PAUL McCARTNcCARTNEY. 497 00:23:51,821 --> 00:23:54,290 THAT WAS INSANE. HE WAS ON MY LIST, AND HE 498 00:23:54,290 --> 00:23:56,492 ACTUALLY ASKED TO BE ON THE SHOW, WHICH IS SO FLATTERING. 499 00:23:56,492 --> 00:24:00,062 AND THEN WHEN HE DID, IT WAS KIND OF ‐‐ SO IT WAS MY GUEST 500 00:24:00,062 --> 00:24:02,164 BECAUSE HE WAS ALREADY ON MY LIST. HE WAS GREAT. 501 00:24:02,164 --> 00:24:06,369 I WENT ON AND ON WITH A QUESTION. REMEMBER THAT SONG "NO MORE 502 00:24:06,369 --> 00:24:07,870 LONELY NIGHTS". 503 00:24:07,870 --> 00:24:09,505 >> Jimmy: YES, OF COURSE. 504 00:24:09,505 --> 00:24:10,373 >> IN THE '90s. 505 00:24:10,373 --> 00:24:11,641 >> Jimmy: I THINK IT WAS THE '80s. 506 00:24:11,641 --> 00:24:15,177 >> ANYWAY, SO I LOVE THAT SONG. AND I WAS BREAKING IT DOWN, 507 00:24:15,177 --> 00:24:21,617 BECAUSE I'M A MUSIC NERD. I STUDIED PIANO FOR 30 YEARS. 508 00:24:21,617 --> 00:24:24,587 I WAS NERDING OUT ON THE MUSIC AND THE STRUCTURE OF THAT SONG 509 00:24:24,587 --> 00:24:26,789 AND HOW HE CHANGED TEMPOS EVERY OTHER MEASURE. 510 00:24:26,789 --> 00:24:30,159 IT WAS LIKE A SEVEN‐MINUTE QUESTION LIKE IT IS NOW. 511 00:24:30,159 --> 00:24:35,431 AND I SAID ‐‐ AND I SAID DID YOU INTEND TO DO THIS, BLAH, BLAH, 512 00:24:35,431 --> 00:24:38,734 BLAH? AND LITERALLY SILENCE, HE GOES 513 00:24:38,734 --> 00:24:42,438 "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ MUSIC." HE DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING I WAS 514 00:24:42,438 --> 00:24:44,240 TALKING ABOUT. DIDN'T CARE, NOTHING. 515 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:47,143 I'LL NEVER GET THAT TIME BACK. I COULD HAVE ASKED HIM SO MANY 516 00:24:47,143 --> 00:24:47,610 OTHER THINGS. 517 00:24:47,610 --> 00:24:52,081 >> Jimmy: BUT YOU DID LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT HIM THAT NONE OF 518 00:24:52,081 --> 00:24:52,448 US REALLY KNEW. 519 00:24:52,448 --> 00:24:53,983 >> ISN'T THAT AMAZING? 520 00:24:53,983 --> 00:24:54,717 >> Jimmy: IT IS. 521 00:24:54,717 --> 00:24:56,919 >> THE GUY DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL FOR MUSIC OR ANYTHING. 522 00:24:56,919 --> 00:24:59,622 >> Jimmy: BUT THERE WAS A MOMENT IN THAT PODCAST WHERE YOU SAID 523 00:24:59,622 --> 00:25:02,958 SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF, YOU REVEALED SOMETHING THAT I WANTED 524 00:25:02,958 --> 00:25:03,325 TO KNOW ABOUT. 525 00:25:03,325 --> 00:25:03,592 >> WHAT. 526 00:25:03,592 --> 00:25:05,227 >> Jimmy: THAT YOU TOURED WITH KENNY ROGER. 527 00:25:05,227 --> 00:25:06,595 >> KENNY ROGERS! 528 00:25:06,595 --> 00:25:08,764 >> Jimmy: I HAVE A PHOTOGRAPH OF THIS LITTLE SHOW. 529 00:25:08,764 --> 00:25:13,335 BUT TELL ME WHAT YOU ‐‐ TELL ME WHAT YOU DID WITH KENNY ROGERS. 530 00:25:13,335 --> 00:25:17,306 >> SO I WAS AN ELF ON THE KENNY ROGERS CHRISTMAS TOUR. 531 00:25:17,306 --> 00:25:19,141 DO YOU WANT TO SHOW? 532 00:25:19,141 --> 00:25:25,614 [ LAUGHTER ] 533 00:25:25,614 --> 00:25:27,717 >> Jimmy: THESE ARE YOUR FELLOW ELVES? 534 00:25:27,717 --> 00:25:30,686 >> THAT'S ME IN THE HAT. 535 00:25:30,686 --> 00:25:34,123 >> Jimmy: IN THE SNAKESKIN ELF COSTUME. 536 00:25:34,123 --> 00:25:37,693 >> SUZANNE AND BOB. AND THIS IS ELFUS. 537 00:25:37,693 --> 00:25:41,197 AND THIS GUY IN THE MIDDLE IS KENNY ROGERS. 538 00:25:41,197 --> 00:25:41,697 >> Jimmy: IT SURE IS. 539 00:25:41,697 --> 00:25:44,500 >> WE WENT ON CHRISTMAS TOUR. AND IT WAS $500 A WEEK. 540 00:25:44,500 --> 00:25:48,637 OH MY GOD, YEAH, I WANT THAT JOB. BY THE WAY, IT'S STILL KIND OF 541 00:25:48,637 --> 00:25:50,740 AMAZING FOR A 20‐SOMETHING‐YEAR‐OLD. 542 00:25:50,740 --> 00:25:51,974 >> Jimmy: MORE THAN KIND OF. SURE. 543 00:25:51,974 --> 00:25:55,344 >> SO WE WOULD GO, AND WE WOULD BE STONED BEFORE EVERY SHOW. 544 00:25:55,344 --> 00:25:57,012 WE'D BE SO HIGH. 545 00:25:57,012 --> 00:25:57,680 >> Jimmy: KENNY TOO? 546 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:01,550 >> NO, NOT KENNY. SO THE FIRST PART OF THE SHOW 547 00:26:01,550 --> 00:26:03,319 WAS KENNY'S OLD STANDARDS AND WHATEVER. 548 00:26:03,319 --> 00:26:06,856 AND THEN THE MIDDLE OF THE SHOW, WE CAME OUT AND SANG "WE NEED A 549 00:26:06,856 --> 00:26:10,025 LITTLE CHRISTMAS" RIGHT? AND WE WOULD CHANGE THE WHOLE 550 00:26:10,025 --> 00:26:13,095 SET WITH A BENCH AND A TREE AND ALL THE SNOW AND THE [ BLEEP ] 551 00:26:13,095 --> 00:26:18,234 EVERYTHING, RIGHT? IT WAS CRAZY. AND SO WE'RE DOING IT, AND EVERY 552 00:26:18,234 --> 00:26:21,103 CITY, AS WE PROGRESS, THE DIRECTOR IS LIKE HEY, I KNOW YOU 553 00:26:21,103 --> 00:26:23,873 GUYS ARE BRINGING ON A LOT OF STUFF, BUT THE GUYS IN THE BAND, 554 00:26:23,873 --> 00:26:26,442 CAN YOU BRING ON THESE EXTRA CHORDS TOO? 555 00:26:26,442 --> 00:26:29,211 I KNOW YOU'RE DOING THAT, BUT CAN YOU ALSO BRING ON, YOU KNOW, 556 00:26:29,211 --> 00:26:35,751 THE WATER BOTTLES FOR THE BAND? I GO HEY, WE'RE NOT REALLY ELVES. 557 00:26:35,751 --> 00:26:39,288 YOU KNOW? STONED OUT OF MY MIND. TOTALLY STONED. 558 00:26:39,288 --> 00:26:43,926 WE'RE NOT REALLY ELVES. AND I CAN'T EVEN SING, AND I GOT 559 00:26:43,926 --> 00:26:46,929 PRETZELS IN MY MOUTH BECAUSE I'M STUFFING MY FACE RIGHT BEFORE WE 560 00:26:46,929 --> 00:26:49,765 GO OUT. AND HE ‐‐ BY THE WAY, WHENEVER 561 00:26:49,765 --> 00:26:53,702 HE WAS SINGING A SONG OR TALKING A LOT IN BETWEEN SETS, WE CALLED 562 00:26:53,702 --> 00:27:01,610 HIM THE RAMBLER INSTEAD OF THE GAMBLER. 563 00:27:01,610 --> 00:27:06,215 AND HERE'S ME [ BLEEP ] AT 23 YEARS OLD, OR WHATEVER I WAS, 24 564 00:27:06,215 --> 00:27:08,984 YEARS OLD. AND I'M SO NERVOUS. KENNY ROGERS. 565 00:27:08,984 --> 00:27:12,288 AND RIGHT BEFORE HE GUESS OUT BEFORE OUR FIRST SHOW, I GO HEY, 566 00:27:12,288 --> 00:27:17,760 KENNY, BREAK A LEG. AND HE'S LIKE THANKS. 567 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:21,397 I THINK I GOT IT. THANKS. I'VE BEEN SINGING THIS SONG FOR 568 00:27:21,397 --> 00:27:24,834 50 YEARS. 569 00:27:24,834 --> 00:27:25,267 [ LAUGHTER ] 570 00:27:25,267 --> 00:27:26,735 I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY. 571 00:27:26,735 --> 00:27:29,038 >> Jimmy: WAS KENNY DRESSED IN SANTA WITH THE WHITE BEARD? 572 00:27:29,038 --> 00:27:33,809 >> HE KIND OF ALREADY IS. NO. I WAS HIGH CONSTANTLY. 573 00:27:33,809 --> 00:27:35,578 BUT IT WAS FUN. LAUGHED SO HARD. 574 00:27:35,578 --> 00:27:37,279 >> Jimmy: WHAT AN INCREDIBLE LIFE. 575 00:27:37,279 --> 00:27:37,947 >> WHAT A JOURNEY. 576 00:27:37,947 --> 00:27:41,917 >> Jimmy: YOU'VE HAD A LIFE THAT IS WORTHY OF TWO PODCASTS. 577 00:27:41,917 --> 00:27:45,387 SEAN HAYES, LISTEN TO HIS NEW ONE, IT'S CALLED 578 00:27:45,387 --> 00:27:47,790 "HYPOCHONDRIACTOR." IT PREMIERS WEDNESDAY ON APPLE 579 00:27:47,790 --> 00:27:50,492 PODCASTS OR ANYWHERE PODCASTS ARE SOLD. THANK YOU, SEAN. 580 00:27:50,492 --> 00:27:52,795 GREAT TO SEE YOU. SEAN HAYES, EVERYBODY. 581 00:27:52,795 --> 00:27:54,096 WE'LL BE BACK WITH CASEY WILSON. 582 00:27:54,096 --> 00:27:56,098 ♪ 583 00:28:06,179 --> 00:28:06,764 ♪ 584 00:28:06,764 --> 00:28:08,719 >> Jimmy: HI. WELCOME BACK. MUSIC FROM JASON ALDEAN IS ON 585 00:28:08,719 --> 00:28:11,021 THE WAY. YOU KNOW OUR NEXT GUEST FROM 586 00:28:11,021 --> 00:28:13,624 SHOWS LIKE "HAPPY ENDINGS" AND "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," BUT NOW 587 00:28:13,624 --> 00:28:18,529 YOU WILL KNOW HER PERSONALLY THANKS TO HER NEW COLLECTION OF 588 00:28:18,529 --> 00:28:20,330 ESSAYS, "THE WRECKAGE OF MY PRESENCE" IS OUT NOW. 589 00:28:20,330 --> 00:28:22,166 PLEASE WELCOME CASEY WILSON! 590 00:28:22,166 --> 00:28:32,476 [ APPLAUSE ] 591 00:28:32,476 --> 00:28:35,579 HOW YOU? 592 00:28:35,579 --> 00:28:36,013 >> HI! 593 00:28:36,013 --> 00:28:37,748 >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. I LIKE THAT DRESS. 594 00:28:37,748 --> 00:28:40,551 >> THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 595 00:28:40,551 --> 00:28:41,652 >> Jimmy: I WISH I COULD WEAR A DRESS LIKE THAT. 596 00:28:41,652 --> 00:28:43,620 >> YOU CAN. YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN. 597 00:28:43,620 --> 00:28:45,522 >> Jimmy: I DON'T THINK THEY MAKE THEM MY SIZE. 598 00:28:45,522 --> 00:28:47,758 I REALLY DON'T. HEY, CASEY. 599 00:28:47,758 --> 00:28:48,225 >> HI. 600 00:28:48,225 --> 00:28:50,494 >> Jimmy: WELCOME. SECONDLY, I WANT TO ASK YOU 601 00:28:50,494 --> 00:28:54,031 ABOUT THIS PHOTOGRAPH ON THE DISCOVER OF YOUR BOOK. 602 00:28:54,031 --> 00:28:56,767 IT'S NOT THE TYPICAL CELEBRITY BOOK COVER PHOTO. 603 00:28:56,767 --> 00:29:01,138 >> NO. THAT IS ME DRUNK AT MY 30st 604 00:29:01,138 --> 00:29:04,341 BIRTHDAY. AND THEY WANTED ME ‐‐ THE 605 00:29:04,341 --> 00:29:07,778 PUBLISHER WAS LET'S DO A BIG PHOTO SHOOT OF YOU, COMEDY PHOTO 606 00:29:07,778 --> 00:29:12,082 SHOOT. AND I JUST GOT NERVOUS. I'D BE LIKE A WITH A BRIEFCASE 607 00:29:12,082 --> 00:29:15,819 AND A PACIFIER, WOMEN CAN HAVE IT ALL, NOR A BATHTUB FULL OF 608 00:29:15,819 --> 00:29:16,253 PILLS OR SOMETHING. 609 00:29:16,253 --> 00:29:19,423 [ LAUGHTER ] 610 00:29:19,423 --> 00:29:20,757 SO I DECIDED ‐‐ 611 00:29:20,757 --> 00:29:21,625 >> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T WANT THAT? 612 00:29:21,625 --> 00:29:23,227 >> NO. I DIDN'T WANT THAT. 613 00:29:23,227 --> 00:29:25,529 >> Jimmy: I THINK YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE. 614 00:29:25,529 --> 00:29:25,896 >> THANK YOU. 615 00:29:25,896 --> 00:29:28,465 >> Jimmy: DID YOU HAVE TO PAY WHOEVER TOOK THIS PICTURE? 616 00:29:28,465 --> 00:29:32,035 >> MY FRIEND, JUNE DIANE, WHERE IS MY PHOTO CREDIT. 617 00:29:32,035 --> 00:29:33,070 >> Jimmy: SHE DIDN'T GET ONE? 618 00:29:33,070 --> 00:29:35,439 >> I DON'T THINK SHE TOOK IT. 619 00:29:35,439 --> 00:29:36,373 >> Jimmy: OH. 620 00:29:36,373 --> 00:29:38,942 >> SHE WAS TRYING TO GET CREDIT. SHE IS ARE THERE ROYALTIES? 621 00:29:38,942 --> 00:29:41,111 I DON'T THINK SO. 622 00:29:41,111 --> 00:29:43,213 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, YOU'RE VERY CANDID. 623 00:29:43,213 --> 00:29:47,618 THIS IS ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND VERY FUNNY AND ALL AFTER THAT STUFF. 624 00:29:47,618 --> 00:29:50,020 CANDID ABOUT YOURSELF, BUT ALSO CANDID ABOUT YOUR FATHER WHO IS 625 00:29:50,020 --> 00:29:52,656 A CHARACTER, WHO IS SOMETHING I THINK WE TALKED ABOUT LAST TIME 626 00:29:52,656 --> 00:29:53,891 YOU WERE ON THE SHOW. 627 00:29:53,891 --> 00:29:55,192 >> YOU CAN'T NOT TALK ABOUT HIM. 628 00:29:55,192 --> 00:29:57,394 >> Jimmy: IS HE EXCITED ABOUT BEING MENTIONED IN THE BOOK? 629 00:29:57,394 --> 00:29:59,296 >> HE IS VERY EXCITED. HE MADE A PROMOTIONAL VIDEO FOR 630 00:29:59,296 --> 00:30:03,634 ME. THAT WE SHOT. 631 00:30:03,634 --> 00:30:04,635 >> Jimmy: UH‐HUH. 632 00:30:04,635 --> 00:30:08,272 >> IN THE HOUSE. AND HE HELD THE BOUNCE BOARD FOR. 633 00:30:08,272 --> 00:30:13,343 IT WAS GREAT. HE IS A GREAT GUY. HE IS VERY ECCENTRIC. 634 00:30:13,343 --> 00:30:15,112 >> Jimmy: YES. ONE OF THE THINGS THAT HE DOES 635 00:30:15,112 --> 00:30:19,483 THAT I'M IMPRESSED BY AND ALSO MORTIFIED BY YOU TALK ABOUT IN 636 00:30:19,483 --> 00:30:22,653 THE BOOK, WHEN HE IS LATE FOR A FLIGHT, HE'LL JUST PARK HIS CAR 637 00:30:22,653 --> 00:30:23,587 IN FRONT OF THE AIRPORT AND ABANDON IT. 638 00:30:23,587 --> 00:30:27,391 >> THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT. 639 00:30:27,391 --> 00:30:30,160 NOW THIS WAS MAINLY PRE‐9/11 BEHAVIOR. 640 00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,796 BUT HE FIGURED IF HE HAD A BUSINESS MEETING, HE IS ALWAYS 641 00:30:32,796 --> 00:30:36,233 RUNNING LATE, IT'S CHEAPER FOR HIM TO NOT MISS THE FLIGHT OR 642 00:30:36,233 --> 00:30:38,035 THE MEETING. SO HE WOULD PULL UP AT THE 643 00:30:38,035 --> 00:30:40,504 AIRPORT AND JUST LEAVE THE CAR AND KNOW THAT IT'S GOING TO BE 644 00:30:40,504 --> 00:30:44,675 TOWED AS HIS OWN PERSONAL VALET. 645 00:30:44,675 --> 00:30:45,175 [ LAUGHTER ] 646 00:30:45,175 --> 00:30:46,043 >> DISTURBING BEHAVIOR. 647 00:30:46,043 --> 00:30:49,279 >> Jimmy: AND THEN HE WOULD GO TO THE TOW YARD AND GET HIS CAR 648 00:30:49,279 --> 00:30:49,479 BACK? 649 00:30:49,479 --> 00:30:51,248 >> THAT'S RIGHT. HE DIDN'T HAVE THE MONEY FOR 650 00:30:51,248 --> 00:30:54,851 THIS. SO IT WAS ALL VERY STRANGE. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE ON TIME. 651 00:30:54,851 --> 00:30:56,019 BUT I GUESS HE COULDN'T. 652 00:30:56,019 --> 00:30:57,554 >> Jimmy: THAT'S ANOTHER WAY OF GOING ABOUT IT. 653 00:30:57,554 --> 00:30:59,723 >> WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT WAYS OF GOING ABOUT THINGS. 654 00:30:59,723 --> 00:31:03,193 >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON, SOMEWHAT ‐‐ WELL, 655 00:31:03,193 --> 00:31:06,663 OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. HE IS YOUR DAD. 656 00:31:06,663 --> 00:31:09,499 BUT YOU LOVE BATHS AND HE LOVES THE HOT TUB SO MUCH SO THAT HE 657 00:31:09,499 --> 00:31:11,735 IS IN THE HOT TUB EVERY DAY OF HIS LIFE. 658 00:31:11,735 --> 00:31:15,105 >> THAT'S RIGHT. HE HAS AN ABOVE GROUND HOT TUB 659 00:31:15,105 --> 00:31:16,607 THAT IS HIS WHOLE WORLD AND UNIVERSE. 660 00:31:16,607 --> 00:31:20,644 HE IS IN THERE EVERY MORNING WITH A CIGAR AND "THE WASHINGTON 661 00:31:20,644 --> 00:31:24,982 POST." SO MUCH SO ‐‐ THERE HE IS ‐‐ 662 00:31:24,982 --> 00:31:25,215 THAT ‐‐ 663 00:31:25,215 --> 00:31:28,952 [ LAUGHTER ] 664 00:31:28,952 --> 00:31:32,623 SEE THE HOOK FOR THE ROBE BEHIND, THE HOOK? 665 00:31:32,623 --> 00:31:35,225 HE IS VERY SWEET, CUTE, WONDERFUL MAN. 666 00:31:35,225 --> 00:31:39,096 BUT SEE THE HEDGES BEHIND HIM. ALL OF THE NEIGHBORS ON EITHER 667 00:31:39,096 --> 00:31:44,601 SIDE HAVE ADDED MAJOR FOLIAGE. THEY'RE LIKE WE LOVE PAUL, BUT 668 00:31:44,601 --> 00:31:48,405 WE DON'T NEED TO SEE HIM AT THAT HOUR, AND HE IS ROLLING CALLS IN 669 00:31:48,405 --> 00:31:49,806 THE HOT CLUB AT THAT HOUR. 670 00:31:49,806 --> 00:31:51,108 >> Jimmy: IS HE NAKED IN THE TUB? 671 00:31:51,108 --> 00:31:52,809 >> I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. 672 00:31:52,809 --> 00:31:56,747 BE HE IS OFTEN IN A SANTA HAT TOO IF IT GETS COLD INSTEAD OF A 673 00:31:56,747 --> 00:31:57,514 REGULAR HAT. 674 00:31:57,514 --> 00:32:00,884 >> Jimmy: OH, WE SHOULD SEND SEAN HAYES AND THE ELVES TO HIM. 675 00:32:00,884 --> 00:32:02,819 >> HE WOULD LOVE IT. HE WOULD LOVE IT. 676 00:32:02,819 --> 00:32:04,521 >> Jimmy: IS HE A GOOD GRANDDAD? 677 00:32:04,521 --> 00:32:05,856 >> YES. HE IS. 678 00:32:05,856 --> 00:32:07,658 >> Jimmy: PLAYS WITH THE KIDS AND ALL THAT? 679 00:32:07,658 --> 00:32:11,628 >> HE IS A VERY HANDS‐ON GRANDFATHER. 680 00:32:11,628 --> 00:32:14,831 HE DOESN'T LOVE THE NEW TRENDS IN PARENTING. 681 00:32:14,831 --> 00:32:19,569 WE'RE ALWAYS ASKING IF A KID IS THROW:00 A TANTRUM AND SPITTING 682 00:32:19,569 --> 00:32:21,805 IN YOUR FACE, AND I ASK HOW DID THEY MAKE YOU FEEL? 683 00:32:21,805 --> 00:32:25,208 HE DOESN'T LOVE THAT. BUT LAST YEAR, LAST YEAR DURING 684 00:32:25,208 --> 00:32:28,979 THE PANDEMIC, MY SON WAS TURNING 5. SO HE WAS 4. 685 00:32:28,979 --> 00:32:35,752 AND MY DAD GAVE HIM A SAW AND ‐‐ A SAW. A SAW AND A HAMMER. 686 00:32:35,752 --> 00:32:36,386 >> Jimmy: HARDWARE STUFF. 687 00:32:36,386 --> 00:32:38,522 >> YEAH. AND HE SAID TO ME, CASEY, YOU'RE 688 00:32:38,522 --> 00:32:41,658 WORKING SO HARD AND YOU'RE HOME WITH THE KIDS, I WANT TO GIVE 689 00:32:41,658 --> 00:32:46,329 YOU A BREAK. THROW ZOOM ON. I'LL TEACH HIM SAWING LESSONS 690 00:32:46,329 --> 00:32:48,899 OVER ZOOM. HE GOT A HAMMER AND WOOD. 691 00:32:48,899 --> 00:32:52,769 HE SENT WOOD THROUGH THE MAIL, PLANKS OF WOOD. 692 00:32:52,769 --> 00:32:56,473 AND HE SAID THESE KIDS, YOU KNOW, THEY'RE ALL BABIES. 693 00:32:56,473 --> 00:33:02,446 I DID THIS AT MY AGE. YOU WERE SAWING AT 4? 694 00:33:02,446 --> 00:33:04,815 >> Jimmy: HE DIDN'T HAVE YOU SAWING AT 4, DID YOU? 695 00:33:04,815 --> 00:33:09,219 >> HE CLAIMS HE DID. I DENT KNOW HOW TO SAW. 696 00:33:09,219 --> 00:33:13,690 >> Jimmy: MAYBE YOU BUILT THAT HOT TUB AND YOU DON'T REALIZE IT. 697 00:33:13,690 --> 00:33:15,058 >> I WAS RIGHT THERE. 698 00:33:15,058 --> 00:33:16,293 >> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU'RE MARRIED NOW. 699 00:33:16,293 --> 00:33:18,161 OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE THE KIDS, THE WHOLE FAMILY. 700 00:33:18,161 --> 00:33:20,764 BUT YOU DID WRITE ABOUT SOME OF YOUR DATING EXPERIENCES, AND 701 00:33:20,764 --> 00:33:22,032 SOME OF THESE UNUSUAL DATES THAT YOU WENT ON. 702 00:33:22,032 --> 00:33:27,003 >> I DID. SORRY TO LAUGH AT THIS STORY. 703 00:33:27,003 --> 00:33:30,407 BUT SOMETHING ODD HAPPENED. IT'S DARK AND FUNNY, WHICH IS 704 00:33:30,407 --> 00:33:33,677 THAT MY MOM PASSED AWAY QUITE SUDDENLY, AND SHE WAS BURIED 705 00:33:33,677 --> 00:33:39,616 WHERE SHE WANTED TO BE BURIED, IN THE DEPTHS OF FLORIDA, LIKE 706 00:33:39,616 --> 00:33:44,221 NEAR A BAYOU OR SOMETHING. AND I BROUGHT A BOYFRIEND THERE. 707 00:33:44,221 --> 00:33:46,323 IT'S A TREK TO GET OUT THERE. IT'S A TWO‐HOUR DRIVE. 708 00:33:46,323 --> 00:33:50,360 AND WE'RE STANDING AT HER GRIF. THERE IS NO EASY WAY THE SAY IT. 709 00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:51,394 >> Jimmy: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DATING THIS GUY? 710 00:33:51,394 --> 00:33:52,896 >> ABOUT A YEAR. ABOUT A YEAR. 711 00:33:52,896 --> 00:33:55,031 WE GET OUT THERE AND WE'RE STANDING AND WE'VE BROUGHT 712 00:33:55,031 --> 00:33:57,234 FLOWERS. AND I'M CRYING, OF COURSE. 713 00:33:57,234 --> 00:34:03,473 AND HE FARTED. 714 00:34:03,473 --> 00:34:04,641 >> Jimmy: NOW YOU HEARD IT? 715 00:34:04,641 --> 00:34:06,610 >> OH, YES. EVERYONE AROUND THE BAYOU HEARD 716 00:34:06,610 --> 00:34:08,111 IT. 717 00:34:08,111 --> 00:34:08,779 >> Jimmy: UH‐HUH. 718 00:34:08,779 --> 00:34:12,983 >> IT'S JUST SO SHOCKING. YOU KNOW TO BE STANDING. 719 00:34:12,983 --> 00:34:18,221 >> Jimmy: OF ALL PLACES. WHAT AN IMPRESSION TO MAKE ON 720 00:34:18,221 --> 00:34:18,622 MOM. 721 00:34:18,622 --> 00:34:21,158 >> OF ALL PLACES, ANYWHERE ELSE, YOU KNOW. 722 00:34:21,158 --> 00:34:24,127 JUST LITERALLY AT MY MOM'S GRAVE. AND THEN WE LEFT. 723 00:34:24,127 --> 00:34:25,796 >> Jimmy: DID HE ACKNOWLEDGE IT? 724 00:34:25,796 --> 00:34:30,500 >> AT THE TIME IT WAS SO CRAZY TO BE CRYING AND HEAR SOMEONE 725 00:34:30,500 --> 00:34:33,103 FART, AGAIN, AT YOUR MOM'S GRAVE. 726 00:34:33,103 --> 00:34:33,403 [ LAUGHTER ] 727 00:34:33,403 --> 00:34:35,238 AND MY BROTHER, MY BROTHER WAS THERE TOO. 728 00:34:35,238 --> 00:34:39,409 AND MY BROTHER WAS JUST LIKE YOU GOT TO GET RID OF THIS GUY. 729 00:34:39,409 --> 00:34:42,879 I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE HAD TO DO WITH HIS OWN FACULTIES TO KEEP 730 00:34:42,879 --> 00:34:44,347 THAT FROM HAPPENING, BUT THE FACT THAT HE DIDN'T IS REALLY 731 00:34:44,347 --> 00:34:47,818 BAD. 732 00:34:47,818 --> 00:34:51,688 >> Jimmy: YOUR FAMILY, BEFORE YOUR MOM PASSED AWAY, YOU GUYS 733 00:34:51,688 --> 00:34:56,860 WENT ON A VERY ‐‐ I THOUGHT WE WENT ON BAD VACATIONS, BUT YOU 734 00:34:56,860 --> 00:34:59,129 WENT ON ONE. YOUR PARENTS TOOK YOU ON 735 00:34:59,129 --> 00:35:01,865 VACATION AT A SINGLES DESTINATION? 736 00:35:01,865 --> 00:35:06,269 >> BY ACCIDENT, MY MOM BOOKED ‐‐ WE NORMALLY WENT CAMPING ALL OUR 737 00:35:06,269 --> 00:35:11,141 LIVES, AND THEY'RE WE'RE GOING TO SPLURGE AND GO TO CLUB D IN 738 00:35:11,141 --> 00:35:13,977 TURKS AND CAICOS. AND I WAS EXCITED. 739 00:35:13,977 --> 00:35:17,614 MY BROTHER WAS 16 AND WE WERE 13. AND WE GET THERE, AND MA'AM, 740 00:35:17,614 --> 00:35:23,119 THIS IS A SINGLES CLUB MED. IT'S NOT FOR KIDS. IT WAS 18 UP. 741 00:35:23,119 --> 00:35:25,722 MY MOM BOOKED US, AND WE BEGGED THEM AND THEY LET US STAY. 742 00:35:25,722 --> 00:35:29,593 SO MY BROTHER AND I ARE OFF ON THE SIDE WATCHING FOAM PARTIES 743 00:35:29,593 --> 00:35:31,828 AND SHOTS AND EVERYONE IS GETTING SEXY. 744 00:35:31,828 --> 00:35:34,831 WE HAD TO SIT THERE AND SEE OUR PARENTS. IT WAS HORRIBLE. 745 00:35:34,831 --> 00:35:36,533 >> Jimmy: YOUR PARENTS ALSO GETTING SEXY? 746 00:35:36,533 --> 00:35:39,569 >> THEY WERE HAVING FUN. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT SEXY, BUT MY 747 00:35:39,569 --> 00:35:43,907 DAD PARTICIPATED THE FIRST NIGHTCLUB MED PUTS ON A SHOW. 748 00:35:43,907 --> 00:35:48,378 AND EVERYONE THAT WORKS THERE COMES OUT AND DOES COMEDY AND 749 00:35:48,378 --> 00:35:49,346 THEY ASK FOR A VOLUNTEER FROM THE AUDIENCE. 750 00:35:49,346 --> 00:35:54,484 YOU KNOW WHO HAD HIS HAND UP. AND TWO SECONDS LATER, NOT TWO 751 00:35:54,484 --> 00:35:59,389 SECONDS LATER MY DAD IS IN A WHITE DOCTOR'S COAT WITH A 752 00:35:59,389 --> 00:36:05,629 STETHOSCOPE DANCING TO "EVERYBODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING." 753 00:36:05,629 --> 00:36:07,931 I DON'T KNOW WHY HE WAS IN A LAB COAT. 754 00:36:07,931 --> 00:36:11,301 BUT EVERYONE CALLED HIM THE DOCTOR ON THE TRIP. DOCTOR! 755 00:36:11,301 --> 00:36:12,869 >> Jimmy: HE WAS SUDDENLY FAMOUS ON THE TRIP. 756 00:36:12,869 --> 00:36:15,906 >> AND HE WAS A CELEBRITY FROM THAT, YEAH. 757 00:36:15,906 --> 00:36:18,008 >> Jimmy: WOW. SO YOUR DAD IS A DOCTOR TOO. 758 00:36:18,008 --> 00:36:18,375 THAT'S EXCITING. 759 00:36:18,375 --> 00:36:22,679 >> YEAH. YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS MORE 760 00:36:22,679 --> 00:36:23,580 MEANINGFUL FOR HIM. 761 00:36:23,580 --> 00:36:26,416 >> Jimmy: HOW LONG BEFORE YOU LET YOUR SON OPERATE THE SAW? 762 00:36:26,416 --> 00:36:31,154 >> HONESTLY, MY DAD FINALLY HAD GOTTEN HIS VACCINE AND SAW US 763 00:36:31,154 --> 00:36:34,324 AFTER A YEAR ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGO, AND HE HAD HIM SAWING. 764 00:36:34,324 --> 00:36:40,163 >> KIDS LOVE TO SAW. YOU KNOW WHAT. 765 00:36:40,163 --> 00:36:42,966 >> Jimmy: THIS IS THE BOOK. IT'S CALLED "THE WRECKAGE OF MY 766 00:36:42,966 --> 00:36:46,002 PRESENCE." IT IS OUT NOW. CASEY WILSON, THANK YOU, CASEY. 767 00:36:46,002 --> 00:36:48,138 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JASON ALDEAN. 768 00:36:48,138 --> 00:36:49,506 [ APPLAUSE ] 769 00:36:49,506 --> 00:36:51,474 ♪ 770 00:36:56,835 --> 00:37:00,772 >>> THE JIMMY KIMMEL CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY 771 00:37:00,772 --> 00:37:03,074 MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING. 772 00:37:03,074 --> 00:37:07,912 >>> NOW WE GO ALL THE WAY TO NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE FOR MUSIC, 773 00:37:07,912 --> 00:37:08,980 PLAYING THE SONG "BLAME IT ON YOU," JASON ALDEAN! 774 00:37:08,980 --> 00:37:18,389 [ APPLAUSE ] 775 00:37:18,389 --> 00:37:18,957 ♪ GOIN' DOWN LIKE A SUNSET 776 00:37:18,957 --> 00:37:23,094 BURNIN' OUT LIKE A CIGARETTE BLOWIN' THROUGH THE CASH 777 00:37:23,094 --> 00:37:24,128 THROUGH THE PAST ♪ 778 00:37:24,128 --> 00:37:24,629 ♪ DRINKING DOWN THAT 779 00:37:24,629 --> 00:37:31,903 MEMORY TIL THERE'S NOTHIN' LEFT I COULD GO ON AND ON ♪ 780 00:37:31,903 --> 00:37:34,539 ♪ ON WHY YOU'RE GONE 781 00:37:34,539 --> 00:37:38,710 I COULD BLAME IT ON THE WHISKEY I WOULDN'T BLAME YOU ♪ 782 00:37:38,710 --> 00:37:40,778 ♪ IF YOU DIDN'T EVEN MISS ME 783 00:37:40,778 --> 00:37:44,449 GAVE YOU A MILLION REASONS GIRL NOT TO BE WITH ME 784 00:37:44,449 --> 00:37:48,086 SHOULD'VE NEVER LET YOU GO ♪ 785 00:37:48,086 --> 00:37:48,620 ♪ SHOULD'VE NEVER 786 00:37:48,620 --> 00:37:51,256 WATCHED YOU GO I COULD BLAME IT ON A GOOD HIGH ♪ 787 00:37:51,256 --> 00:37:51,789 ♪ LET IT TAKE THE BLAME 788 00:37:51,789 --> 00:37:56,461 FOR WHY YOU TOLD ME GOODBYE INSTEAD OF MISSIN' YOU AND ♪ 789 00:37:56,461 --> 00:37:58,496 ♪ MISSIN' ALL THOSE 790 00:37:58,496 --> 00:38:00,064 GOOD TIMES SHOULD'VE NEVER LET YOU GO 791 00:38:00,064 --> 00:38:01,633 SHOULD'VE NEVER ♪ 792 00:38:01,633 --> 00:38:03,735 ♪ WATCHED YOU GO 793 00:38:03,735 --> 00:38:09,507 I COULD SAY I NEVER KNEW I COULD DRINK AROUND THE TRUTH ♪ 794 00:38:09,507 --> 00:38:13,645 ♪ BUT I CAN'T BLAME IT 795 00:38:13,645 --> 00:38:19,918 ON YOU YEAH YEAH TRYING TO RIDE OUT THE MIDNIGHT ♪ 796 00:38:19,918 --> 00:38:20,451 ♪ TRYING TO FIGHT THROUGH 797 00:38:20,451 --> 00:38:26,658 THE DAYLIGHT WONDERING WHERE YOU'RE AT 798 00:38:26,658 --> 00:38:27,692 AND JUST LIKE THAT ♪ 799 00:38:27,692 --> 00:38:28,259 ♪ I'M LOOKING BACK ON WHAT 800 00:38:28,259 --> 00:38:34,432 I HAD WHEN YOU WERE MINE I COULD GO ON AND ON 801 00:38:34,432 --> 00:38:37,101 ON WHY YOU'RE GONE ♪ 802 00:38:37,101 --> 00:38:38,102 ♪ I COULD BLAME IT 803 00:38:38,102 --> 00:38:41,773 ON THE WHISKEY I WOULDN'T BLAME YOU IF 804 00:38:41,773 --> 00:38:44,375 YOU DIDN'T EVEN MISS ME ♪ 805 00:38:44,375 --> 00:38:45,410 ♪ GAVE YOU A MILLION REASONS 806 00:38:45,410 --> 00:38:49,047 GIRL NOT TO BE WITH ME SHOULD'VE NEVER LET YOU GO 807 00:38:49,047 --> 00:38:50,181 SHOULD'VE NEVER ♪ 808 00:38:50,181 --> 00:38:50,682 ♪ WATCHED YOU GO 809 00:38:50,682 --> 00:38:54,852 I COULD BLAME IT ON A GOOD HIGH LET IT TAKE THE BLAME FOR ♪ 810 00:38:54,852 --> 00:38:56,921 ♪ WHY YOU TOLD ME GOODBYE 811 00:38:56,921 --> 00:38:58,990 INSTEAD OF MISSIN' YOU AND MISSIN' ALL 812 00:38:58,990 --> 00:39:01,059 THOSE GOOD TIMES ♪ 813 00:39:01,059 --> 00:39:02,126 ♪ SHOULD'VE NEVER 814 00:39:02,126 --> 00:39:05,196 LET YOU GO SHOULD'VE NEVER WATCHED YOU GO ♪ 815 00:39:05,196 --> 00:39:08,333 ♪ I COULD SAY I NEVER KNEW 816 00:39:08,333 --> 00:39:15,640 I COULD DRINK AROUND THE TRUTH 817 00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:22,046 BUT I CAN'T BLAME IT ON YOU, YEAH, ♪ 818 00:39:22,046 --> 00:39:24,882 ♪ I COULD GO ON AND ON 819 00:39:24,882 --> 00:39:30,622 I COULD GO ON AND ON ON WHY YOU'RE GONE 820 00:39:30,622 --> 00:39:31,089 I COULD BLAME IT ♪ 821 00:39:31,089 --> 00:39:31,623 ♪ ON THE WHISKEY 822 00:39:31,623 --> 00:39:33,691 I WOULDN'T BLAME YOU IF YOU DIDN'T EVEN MISS ME 823 00:39:33,691 --> 00:39:34,292 GAVE YOU A MILLION REASONS ♪ 824 00:39:34,292 --> 00:39:35,793 ♪ GIRL NOT TO BE WITH ME 825 00:39:35,793 --> 00:39:39,797 SHOULD'VE NEVER LET YOU GO SHOULD'VE NEVER WATCHED YOU GO ♪ 826 00:39:39,797 --> 00:39:41,499 ♪ I COULD BLAME IT 827 00:39:41,499 --> 00:39:44,235 ON A GOOD HIGH LET IT TAKE THE BLAME FOR 828 00:39:44,235 --> 00:39:45,670 WHY YOU TOLD ME GOODBYE ♪ 829 00:39:45,670 --> 00:39:46,704 ♪ INSTEAD OF MISSIN' YOU AND 830 00:39:46,704 --> 00:39:51,476 MISSIN' ALL THOSE GOOD TIMES SHOULD'VE NEVER LET YOU GO ♪ 831 00:39:51,476 --> 00:39:52,010 ♪ SHOULD'VE NEVER 832 00:39:52,010 --> 00:39:54,612 WATCHED YOU GO I COULD SAY I NEVER KNEW 833 00:39:54,612 --> 00:39:57,215 I COULD DRINK ♪ 834 00:39:57,215 --> 00:40:00,852 ♪ AROUND THE TRUTH 835 00:40:00,852 --> 00:40:04,989 I COULD SAY I NEVER KNEW YEAH I COULD DRINK 836 00:40:04,989 --> 00:40:08,126 AROUND THE TRUTH ♪ 837 00:40:08,126 --> 00:40:12,463 ♪ BUT I CAN'T BLAME IT 838 00:40:12,463 --> 00:40:27,445 ON YOU, YEAH, YEAH ♪ 839 00:40:27,445 --> 00:40:28,964 [ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ] 840 00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:32,768 >>> THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY 841 00:40:32,768 --> 00:40:36,155 MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING. 842 00:40:39,129 --> 00:40:40,148 >> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK SEAN HAYES, CASEY WILSON AND 843 00:40:40,148 --> 00:40:42,684 JASON ALDEAN. APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. 844 00:40:42,684 --> 00:40:45,287 TOMORROW NIGHT, OUR GUESTS ARE ROSARIO DAWSON, MUSIC FROM 845 00:40:45,287 --> 00:40:48,924 ANITTA, AND DR. FAUCI. THERE'S SOMETHING CALLED "COVID" 846 00:40:48,924 --> 00:40:53,161 HE'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT. IT SOUNDS INTERESTING. 847 00:40:53,161 --> 00:40:54,129 "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING, 848 00:40:54,129 --> 00:40:57,629 GOODNIGHT.