1 00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:02,868 >> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE." 2 00:00:02,937 --> 00:00:07,340 TONIGHT, PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH. 3 00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:09,008 AND MUSIC FROM MAROON 5. AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL! 4 00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:17,283 KRM [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 5 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:18,083 >> Jimmy: HI THERE, THANKS. HI, EVERYBODY. 6 00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:19,217 I'M JIMMY. I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW. 7 00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:20,286 THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. I THINK I SPEAK FOR ALL OF US, 8 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,755 WHEN I SAY WE APPRECIATE IT. WE ARE COMING TO YOU FROM 9 00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,490 LOS ANGELES. WHICH ONCE AGAIN, OUR AIR HAS 10 00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:28,360 BEEN NAMED THE MOST POLLUTED IN THE UNITED STATES. 11 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,362 ACCORDING TO THE AMERICAN LUNG ASSOCIATION. 12 00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:32,698 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT'S RIGHT. 13 00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:37,636 AND THAT STUDY WAS DONE BEFORE 4/20. 14 00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:38,838 [ LAUGHTER ] IN L.A., WHEN YOUR YOGA 15 00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,439 INSTRUCTOR TELLS YOU TO BREATHE IN DEEP, SHE'S ACTUALLY TRYING 16 00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:42,374 TO KILL YOU. IT'S A CRIME. 17 00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:43,642 [ LAUGHTER ] UNFORTUNATELY, ALL THE BENEFITS 18 00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:48,180 OF US NOT DRIVING DURING THE PANDEMIC WERE WIPED OUT BY THE 19 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:53,185 WILDFIRES CAUSED BY CLIMATE CHANGE. 20 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:58,590 WHICH WAS CAUSED BY ALL THE DRIVING WE DID EARLIER. 21 00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:01,460 IT'S WHAT YOU CALL A CATCH-2022. IT WAS PRETTY CRAZY TO SEE HOW 22 00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:02,461 CLEAR IT WAS WHEN WE WERE ALL IN LOCKDOWN. 23 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:06,665 I FOUND OUT WE HAVE MOUNTAINS. WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW. 24 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,601 [ LAUGHTER ] DID YOU KNOW THAT, GUILLERMO? 25 00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:09,535 >> Guillermo: YES, JIMMY. [ LAUGHTER ] 26 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:10,469 >> Jimmy: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY. 27 00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:11,536 IT'S NOT THE AIR "QUALITY" THAT COUNTS. 28 00:01:11,606 --> 00:01:13,605 IT'S THE AIR "QUANTITY." DID YOU CELEBRATE 4/20 LAST 29 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,408 NIGHT, GUILLERMO? >> Guillermo: OF COURSE, JIMMY, 30 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:17,476 YES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 31 00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:19,611 >> Jimmy: SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE STILL CELEBRATING IT. 32 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,880 >> Guillermo: A LITTLE BIT, YES. >> Jimmy: A LITTLE BIT. 33 00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:23,215 BY YOURSELF? >> Guillermo: YEAH. 34 00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:26,018 >> Jimmy: I TELL YOU SOMETHING, WE WERE SHOOTING SOMETHING LAST 35 00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:27,619 NIGHT, SOMETHING DIDN'T WORK OUT. 36 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,088 I WAS LIKE, MAYBE WE'LL HAVE GUILLERMO DO THIS. 37 00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:37,162 THEY'RE LIKE, FORGET ABOUT IT, IT'S 4/20. 38 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:38,230 >> Guillermo: I WAS AT HOME SET GREATING. 39 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:41,434 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. WE HAVE A VERY ENTERTAINING SHOW 40 00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,435 PLANNED TONIGHT. NOT AS ENTERTAINING AS WHAT WENT 41 00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:45,237 ON AT GUILLERMO'S HOUSE. WE HAVE MUSIC FROM MAROON 5. 42 00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:46,439 WITH AN ASSIST FROM MEGAN THEE STALLION. 43 00:01:46,441 --> 00:01:51,777 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] AND BACK WITH US FOR THE FIRST 44 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:58,717 TIME IN FOUR YEARS, FORMER PRESIDENT GEORGE WALKER TEXAS 45 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:02,655 RANGER BUSH. PRESIDENT BUSH IS PROMOTING HIS 46 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,256 NEW BOOK OF PORTRAITS. HE'S A PAINTER NOW. 47 00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:06,525 WHICH -- CAN YOU IMAGINE DONALD TRUMP PAINTING? 48 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:07,793 HE'D BE LIKE, "PAINTING?" "WHAT AM I, MEXICAN?" 49 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:08,927 "GET ME A TACO SALAD AND A DIET COKE." 50 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,329 BUT PRESIDENT BUSH PAINTS. AND HE WILL BE WITH US VERY 51 00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:11,997 SOON. HEY, SPEAKING OF HIGH PROFILE 52 00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:13,065 GUESTS, I HAVE A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE. 53 00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:15,067 ONE WEEK FROM TONIGHT -- YOU PROBABLY WANT TO PUT THIS IN 54 00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:20,539 YOUR CALENDAR. "HEY SIRI -- SET REMINDER." 55 00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:23,341 NEXT WEDNESDAY NIGHT, WE WILL BE VISITED, IN-STUDIO, BY THE 56 00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,745 MYPILLOW MAN HIMSELF, MIKE LINDELL. 57 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:30,949 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I KNOW. 58 00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:38,624 ALL OUR DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE. MIKE LINDELL LAUNCHED A NEW 59 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:41,827 SOCIAL MEDIA MEDIA WEBSITE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE TOO CRAZY FOR 60 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,028 TWITTER WITH A 48-HOUR LIVESTREAM. 61 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:45,097 HE CALLED IT THE "FRANKATHON." AND THIS WAS THE FRANKATHON 62 00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:46,164 SCENE LAST NIGHT WHEN THEY GOT WORD OF OUR OFFICIAL INVITE TO 63 00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:53,105 APPEAR ON THE SHOW. >> HE PROMISED ME LAST NIGHT, HE 64 00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:56,042 INVITED ME ON HIS SHOW. JIMMY, IF YOU'RE OUT THERE WE 65 00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:58,577 DID TRY AND GET AHOLD OF YOUR PUBLICIST. 66 00:02:58,646 --> 00:03:00,246 DID WE GET AHOLD OF THEM? DID THEY RESPOND? 67 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:03,782 WHAT DID THEY SAY? >> GOT AN EMAIL, THEY WANT YOU 68 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:06,719 TO COME ON. >> GOT AN EMAIL, JIMMY HAS 69 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:09,654 INVITED ME ON! ARE YOU REALLY JUST NOW -- THIS 70 00:03:09,724 --> 00:03:14,059 IS BREAKING NEWS ON "FRANK." WOW. 71 00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:15,127 I'M OPEN TO IT. AND I DID PROMISE THEM ALL 72 00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:16,595 THEY'RE GOING TO GET MYPILLOWS IN THE AUDIENCE. 73 00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:18,196 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S GOOD. 74 00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:19,331 OUR WHOLE STAFF. THAT'S GOOD. 75 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:26,539 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IT WILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO 76 00:03:26,541 --> 00:03:27,339 SCREAM INTO. THAT WILL BE GOOD. 77 00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:30,809 [ LAUGHTER ] THE BAD NEWS IS THAT'S YOUR 78 00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:34,079 CHRISTMAS BONUS. [ MOANS ] 79 00:03:34,148 --> 00:03:37,016 SANTA'S COMING EARLY THIS YEAR. AND HIS NAME IS MIKE. 80 00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:38,350 [ LAUGHTER ] I DO HAVE TO SAY, HIS ENTHUSIASM 81 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,417 IS INFECTIOUS. WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS SHOW FOR A 82 00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:41,153 LOT OF YEARS NOW. I DON'T THINK ANYONE HAS EVER 83 00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:44,690 BEEN MORE EXCITED TO BE A GUEST. [ LAUGHTER ] 84 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:48,160 >> I WANT TO THANK JIMMY KIMMEL FOR HAVING ME ON. 85 00:03:48,162 --> 00:03:50,562 I WILL TAKE ALL THE HARD QUESTIONS THAT NIGHT. 86 00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,499 I'LL TALK ABOUT, YOU KNOW -- I MEAN, THIS IS -- THIS IS A 87 00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,634 BLESSING. I LOOK AT IT AS A BLESSING. 88 00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:57,503 BECAUSE I THINK EVERYONE -- EVERYONE SHOULD BE CONCERNED 89 00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:03,642 HERE. EVERYBODY IN THE COUNTRY. 90 00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,710 I DON'T THINK THAT, I KNOW THEY SHOULD BE. 91 00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:08,246 AND SO -- WOW. THIS -- I'M -- I'M EXCITED. 92 00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:10,983 SO -- WELL, BACK TO YOU. BACK TO YOU, JOE. 93 00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,584 BUT -- BUT I -- THAT IS -- I'M -- I'M REALLY HAPPY RIGHT 94 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,054 NOW. [ LAUGHTER ] 95 00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:16,455 >> Jimmy: HEY, LISTEN, THAT MAKES TWO OF US, MIKE. 96 00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:18,791 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WE ARE BED, BATH, & BEYOND 97 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:23,329 EXCITED TO HAVE YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] 98 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:27,266 I WILL SAY THIS, FOR A GUY WHO'S CONVINCED THIS TOWN IS FILLED 99 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:33,606 WITH CELEBRITY BABY CAN THAT BA -- 100 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:35,274 CANNIBALS SEEMS TO HAVE NO RESERVATIONS ABOUT COMING HERE 101 00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:36,408 WHATSOEVER. HE'S ALREADY ON THE ROAD. 102 00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:37,609 HE'S DRIVING FROM MINNESOTA, WITH A CALIFORNIA KING MATTRESS 103 00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:38,477 STRAPPED TO THE ROOF OF HIS BUICK, AND A TRUNK FULL OF 104 00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:39,945 PILLOWS. [ LAUGHTER ] 105 00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,079 THAT FRANKATHON REALLY WAS A WONDER TO BEHOLD. 106 00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,815 FROM BEGINNING TO END. AT ONE POINT, LINDELL CALLED OUT 107 00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:46,018 A WRITER FROM A WEBSITE CALLED POLITI-ZOOM, OR AT LEAST HE 108 00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:49,888 ATTEMPTED TO CALL HER OUT. HE WAS VERY MAD ABOUT WHAT SHE 109 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,890 WROTE ABOUT HIM. WHICH MADE IT VERY DIFFICULT FOR 110 00:04:51,959 --> 00:05:00,899 HIM TO PRONOUNCE HER NAME. >> THIS ONE IS FROM -- IT'S 111 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:03,035 URILLAFOG -- HOW DO YOU SPELL THAT? 112 00:05:03,037 --> 00:05:09,975 >> URSI WHEN. LAFOG? URSULAFAUGH. 113 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:14,980 >> WHAT'S YOUR NAME? URSULA? 114 00:05:15,049 --> 00:05:18,917 @URSULAFAUGH? ALL DAY, URZILLA -- 115 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:25,524 >> URS -- URSULA -- >> URZULA, THIS WILL PUT YOU OUT 116 00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:26,859 OF BUSINESS. >> IT'S URSULA. 117 00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:30,128 I FIGURED OUT HOW YOU SAY IT, IT'S URSULA. 118 00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:35,534 >> NO, THAT'S NOT LINE, URZILA. >> URSULA. 119 00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:39,538 URSULA FAW. >> URSULA FAW. 120 00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:44,009 YOU, YOU ARE THE ONE, THE ENEMY OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. 121 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:49,682 >> URSULA FAW. >> URSULA FAW, PICK A BETTER DAY 122 00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,016 ZOOM. >> URSULA. 123 00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:56,288 >> WHY DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT ALL MY EMPLOYEES, URZILA FAUG WHEN.? 124 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:59,692 >> MY MOTHER-IN-LAW'S NAME IS URSULA. 125 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:00,359 >> IS IT? I COULDN'T PRONOUNCE IT. 126 00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,228 >> EXACTLY. >> Jimmy: YEAH. 127 00:06:02,296 --> 00:06:04,029 [ LAUGHTER ] BY THE WAY, I WATCHED LIKE 128 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:07,499 22 HOURS OF THIS? I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHO THAT 129 00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:08,367 GUY SITTING NEXT TO HIM IS, NO IDEA. 130 00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:09,768 [ LAUGHTER ] URSULA. 131 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:14,173 FLORIDA CONGRESSMAN MATT GAETZ IS IN SPIN MODE. 132 00:06:14,175 --> 00:06:19,111 GAETZ SPENT AROUND $116,000 ON MAILERS THE DAY AFTER THE 133 00:06:19,113 --> 00:06:23,115 NEW YORK TIMES REPORTED THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT WAS 134 00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:24,783 INVESTIGATING HIM FOR SEX TRAFFICKING AND OTHER CRIMES. 135 00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:27,720 HE ALSO PAID ALMOST $160,000 FOR FUNDRAISING CONSULTING. 136 00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:32,924 SIX FIGURES ON A COMMERCIAL DISPUTING THE ALLEGATIONS. 137 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,926 AND HE PAID $5,000 TO TRUMP'S PAL, ROGER STONE, FOR "STRATEGIC 138 00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:36,328 CONSULTING." WOW. 139 00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:39,731 IMAGINE HOW MUCH HE WOULD HAVE PAID IF HE WAS GUILTY! 140 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:43,068 [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, REALLY. 141 00:06:43,137 --> 00:06:46,938 I GUESS HE FIGURED, MY CAREER IS SINKING LIKE A STONE, I MIGHT AS 142 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,607 WELL HIRE ONE. ROGER STONE, WHO WE SAW IN THE 143 00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:54,479 URSULA CLIP WITH MIKE LINDELL, LOOK ON, CONFUSED, IS THE 144 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:55,747 NOTORIOUS WASHINGTON DIRTY TRICKSTER. 145 00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:57,816 IT'S FUNNY HOW THESE GUYS RAIL AGAINST THE "SWAMP," BUT THEN 146 00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,685 THE MINUTE THEY GET IN TROUBLE THEY HEAD RIGHT FOR THE CREATURE 147 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:03,422 FROM THE BLACK LAGOON. [ LAUGHTER ] 148 00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:05,891 YESTERDAY, A JURY IN MINNEAPOLIS DELIVERED THREE GUILTY VERDICTS 149 00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,759 AGAINST FORMER POLICE OFFICER DEREK CHAUVIN. 150 00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:14,165 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] MANY AMERICANS ON TWITTER, ON 151 00:07:14,235 --> 00:07:17,436 VARIOUS PLATFORMS, HAVE SPOKEN PASSIONATELY, POWERFULLY, ABOUT 152 00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:19,571 THE VERDICTS AND THEIR SIGNIFICANCE YESTERDAY. 153 00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:22,107 BUT NONE SPOKE LESS ELOQUENTLY THAN TUCKER CARLSON OF FOX NEWS. 154 00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:25,444 TUCKER HAD A FORMER NEW YORK CITY PRISON OFFICIAL ON HIS SHOW 155 00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:28,780 AND WHEN THE OFFICER DARED TO USE THE WORD "SAVAGERY" TO 156 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,515 DESCRIBE WHAT DEREK CHAUVIN DID, TUCKER HAD A LITTLE EXPLOSION IN 157 00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:35,787 HIS HEAD. >> NOW, LIKE I SAID, MR. FLOYD 158 00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:38,723 WAS BROUGHT UNDER CONTROL. WHAT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED AT 159 00:07:38,793 --> 00:07:41,659 THAT POINT IS EMS SHOULD HAVE BEEN SUMMONED AND HE SHOULD HAVE 160 00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:45,130 BEEN PLACED IN AN AMBULANCE. A SUPERVISOR SHOULD HAVE BEEN 161 00:07:45,199 --> 00:07:46,065 CALLED TO THE SCENE. >> YEAH. 162 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,000 >> I JUST THINK THAT IT WAS EXCESSIVE -- 163 00:07:48,002 --> 00:07:49,934 >> YEAH WELL -- >> AND WHAT I'D LIKE TO SAY -- 164 00:07:50,004 --> 00:07:52,537 >> THE GUY WHO DID IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF 165 00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:56,408 HIS LIFE IN PRISON, SO I'M KIND OF MORE WORRIED ABOUT THE REST 166 00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:59,144 OF THE COUNTRY, WHICH THANKS TO POLICE IN ACTION, IN CASE YOU 167 00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:00,946 HAVEN'T NOTICED, IS LIKE BOARDED UP. 168 00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:07,352 >> THAT'S MORE MY CONCERN. >> COME ON, ED GAVIN, THANK YOU. 169 00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:08,486 DONE. >> Jimmy: WHAT THE HELL WAS 170 00:08:08,556 --> 00:08:09,621 THAT? IT'S LIKE THERE'S A LITTLE GIRL 171 00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:10,689 TRAPPED IN HIS HEAD, RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ] 172 00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:14,493 HE LAUGHS LIKE THE VILLAIN IN THE MOVIE WHO REALIZES 173 00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:15,627 JAMES BOND JUST PUT THE BOMB BACK ON HIM AND HE'S ABOUT TO 174 00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:19,431 EXPLODE. LET'S HEAR THAT AGAIN. 175 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:23,769 >> IN DETAILS YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, IT'S LIKE BOARDED UP. 176 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,638 HA HA HA! THAT'S MORE MY CONCERN. 177 00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:31,109 COME ON, ED GAVIN, THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: THAT'S THE SAME NOISE 178 00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:33,645 WOMEN MAKE WHEN HE TAKES OFF HIS PANTS. 179 00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:34,446 [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT HUMAN MAKES SOUND LIKE 180 00:08:34,448 --> 00:08:35,514 THAT? THAT'S THE THING. 181 00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:39,518 MIKE LINDELL, HE'S BA THANES THAT ALL THE TIME, HE'S 182 00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:45,657 CONSISTENT. TUCKER CARLSON LETS LITS LITTLE 183 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,326 BURSTS OF SLIP OUT LIKE THE JOKER OR SOMETHING. 184 00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:52,464 MEANWHILE, THE PENGUIN, CHRIS CHRISTIE -- 185 00:08:52,466 --> 00:08:56,335 [ APPLAUSE ] MAY BE THROWING HIS HAT IN THE 186 00:08:56,337 --> 00:08:58,136 RING. CHRIS CHRISTIE SERIOUSLY 187 00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,338 CONSIDERING A RUN FOR PRESIDENT IN 2024. 188 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:04,409 NOT A RUN SO MUCH AS A SWEATY WALK FOR PRESIDENT IN 2024. 189 00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:05,877 [ LAUGHTER ] I GUESS HE HAS NOTHING TO DO, I 190 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:12,817 DON'T KNOW WHY -- CHRIS ONGRAY JOY OF THE 2016 CAMPAIGN. 191 00:09:12,887 --> 00:09:14,219 "GAME OF THRONES." CAME IN A PROUD WARRIOR, THEN 192 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:18,289 TRUMP CAPTURED HIM AND CUT HIS JUNK OFF AND BRAINWASHED HIM, 193 00:09:18,359 --> 00:09:22,360 MADE HIM CRAWL AROUND THE FLOOR OF THE OVAL OFFICE, FEED HIM 194 00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:26,365 FRIED CHICKEN BONES TO GNAW ON, NOW HE WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT. 195 00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:29,167 YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY. WHEN GOD CLOSES A BRIDGE, HE 196 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:32,504 OPENS A WINDOW. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 197 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:36,241 BESIDES HAWAII, CALIFORNIA, OUR STATE, WE MAY HAVE THE MOST AIR 198 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,509 POLLUTION BUT THE LOWEST RATE OF CORONAVIRUS IN THE COUNTRY RIGHT 199 00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:43,982 NOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 200 00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:47,719 FOR THOSE WHO SAY, THEY DID THE SAME THING IN FLORIDA AND 201 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:50,989 TEXAS -- ANYWAY, THE FOUR LEAST-VACCINATED STATES RANKED 202 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,592 BY AVAILABLE SHOTS COMPARED TO THOSE WHO GOT THEM ARE 203 00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:55,661 MISSISSIPPI, ARKANSAS, GEORGIA, AND ALABAMA. 204 00:09:55,729 --> 00:10:01,733 WHICH, IF YOU TAKE THE FIRST LETTER FROM EACH STATE, YOU 205 00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:02,934 SPELL -- WOW, WHAT A HAPPY COINCIDENCE THAT IS. 206 00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,136 [ LAUGHTER ] AND WHILE THE BIG PROBLEM A 207 00:10:04,138 --> 00:10:05,871 MONTH AGO WAS A SHORTAGE OF VACCINATIONS, NOW WE HAVE A 208 00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:07,406 SHORTAGE OF PEOPLE WHO WANT THE VACCINE. 209 00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:09,675 A NUMBER OF STATES NOW HAVE MORE DOSES THAN THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO 210 00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:14,279 WITH. SOME ARE RESORTING TO BRIBERY. 211 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,014 IN NEW YORK YESTERDAY, THEY DID SOMETHING CALLED "JOINTS FOR 212 00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:18,283 JABS." ON 4/20 THEY GAVE AWAY FREE 213 00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:20,419 JOINTS IF YOU GOT YOUR SHOT. [ LAUGHTER ] 214 00:10:20,421 --> 00:10:23,755 I WONDER HOW MANY PEOPLE GOT A THIRD SHOT JUST TO GET THE WEED? 215 00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:28,360 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] THERE'S A BAR IN NEW ORLEANS 216 00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,496 THAT WAS OFFERING "SHOTS FOR SHOTS." 217 00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:36,034 YOU GET ONE, YOU TAKE ONE. ON ALASKA'S KENAI PENINSULA, EMS 218 00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:38,636 PERSONNEL ARE BRINGING THE VACCINE TO ANY HOUSE OR BUSINESS 219 00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:41,573 THAT HAS MORE THAN THREE PEOPLE. UNFORTUNATELY ONLY TWO PEOPLE 220 00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:43,041 LIVE ON THE KENAI PENINSULA. [ LAUGHTER ] 221 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:46,578 THIS MUST BE VERY ANNOYING TO CANADA. 222 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:50,048 THEY HAVE A SURGE OF CASES, THEY'RE WAY BEHIND ON VACCINES, 223 00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:51,783 AND WE'RE GIVING OUT FREE MOJITOS TO CONVINCE THESE IDIOTS 224 00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,184 TO GET IT. [ LAUGHTER ] 225 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:59,324 EVERYBODY WANTED THESE SHOTS AND NOW WE HAVE TOO MANY. 226 00:10:59,393 --> 00:11:00,526 THE VACCINE EQUIVALENT OF FIDGET SPINNERS. 227 00:11:00,594 --> 00:11:01,859 [ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW WHO COULD HAVE USED THE 228 00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,395 VACCINE? TED NUGENT. 229 00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:08,667 TED NUGENT, A MAN WHO REPEATEDLY CLAIMED THE PANDEMIC WASN'T 230 00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:12,738 REAL, COVID WASN'T REAL, GUESS WHAT HE HAS IN COVID. 231 00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,406 IT'S REAL. [ LAUGHTER ] 232 00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:15,607 HE SAYS HE'S BEEN VERY SICK FOR THE PAST TEN DAYS. 233 00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,476 SO LET'S TAKE A MOMENT TO RELIVE SOME OF HIS GOLDEN COVID 234 00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:21,680 MOMENTS. >> IT'S NOT A REAL PANDEMIC. 235 00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:25,417 THAT'S NOT A REAL VACCINE. I'M SORRY. 236 00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,552 HA! COVID 1 THROUGH 18 DIDN'T SHUT 237 00:11:27,621 --> 00:11:30,355 ANYTHING DOWN, BUT WHOA, COVID-19! 238 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,222 COVFEFE. LET ME PUT THIS MASK ON. 239 00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:34,626 BAAH! COUGH, COUGH. 240 00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:40,164 500,000 PEOPLE HAVE DIED FROM COVID-19, BULL [ BLEEP ]. 241 00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:41,967 COUGH, COUGH! I'M GOING TO STAND SIX FEET AWAY 242 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:42,967 FROM EVERYBODY. ARE YOU THAT STUPID? 243 00:11:43,037 --> 00:11:46,237 COUGH, COUGH! MASK? 244 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,708 I DON'T WEAR NO MASK. COUGH, COUGH! 245 00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:52,310 HI, I'M FROM THE GOVERNMENT, THIS NEEDLE'S GOOD FOR YOU. 246 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,112 [ BLEEP ] YOU. COUGH, COUGH! 247 00:11:54,180 --> 00:12:01,987 I WAS TESTED POSITIVE TODAY. I GOT THE CHINESE [ BLEEP ]. 248 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,522 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, 249 00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:04,656 TED. NO ONE DESERVES IT MORE THAN 250 00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:06,457 YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] 251 00:12:06,527 --> 00:12:09,061 LAST WEEK, THE WORLD CLOCKED THE MOST COVID CASES FOR ANY WEEK 252 00:12:09,063 --> 00:12:12,664 EVER. AND ANIMALS ARE TESTING POSITIVE 253 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,266 TOO. SEVEN OTTERS AT THE GEORGIA 254 00:12:14,268 --> 00:12:21,206 AQUARIUM HAVE COVID. WHICH REALLY PUTS A DENT IN ALL 255 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,941 THOSE PSAs ABOUT WASHING YOUR HANDS. 256 00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:23,875 NO ONE WASHES THEIR HANDS MORE THAN AN OTTER. 257 00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:26,678 [ LAUGHTER ] RIGHT? 258 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,280 IT'S ALWAYS NUTS TO REMEMBER WHERE WE WERE A YEAR AGO WITH 259 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:32,617 THIS. AND WITH THAT SAID, IT'S TIME TO 260 00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:35,953 LOOK BACK AT WHAT WAS IN THE NEWS A YEAR AGO THIS WEEK, IN 261 00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:39,958 TONIGHT'S EDITION OF "THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY." 262 00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:45,096 >> THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY -- IT'S MID-APRIL 2020. 263 00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:47,232 AND NOBODY KNOWS WHAT TO BELIEVE. 264 00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:51,770 >> FIRST THERE WERE 2.2 MILLION WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO DIE IN THE 265 00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:53,572 UNITED STATES. AND THEN IT WAS 1 MILLION. 266 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,776 THEN IT WAS 500,000. THE MODELS, FOLKS, ARE JUST 267 00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:00,445 PLAIN WRONG. >> YEAH, NO WAY 500,000 268 00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:03,981 AMERICANS WOULD DIE OF COVID -- ESPECIALLY NOT WITH PRESIDENT 269 00:13:04,051 --> 00:13:06,384 TRUMP'S NEW PLAN. >> SUN. 270 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,786 SUNLIGHT, HEAT. SUN, HEAT. 271 00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:10,521 HEAT AND SUN. HEAT AND LIGHT. 272 00:13:10,591 --> 00:13:12,724 VERY POWERFUL LIGHT. >> WHAT A BRIGHT IDEA. 273 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,392 BUT HOW WOULD WE USE THIS VERY POWERFUL LIGHT? 274 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,728 >> SUPPOSING IT BROUGHT THE LIGHT INSIDE THE BODY, THROUGH 275 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:24,269 THE SKIN OR IN SOME OTHER WAY. SOUNDS INTERESTING. 276 00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:30,342 >> INTERESTING AND GENIUS. >> I SEE THE DISINFECTANT KNOCKS 277 00:13:30,344 --> 00:13:32,077 IT OUT IN A MINUTE. THERE IS A WAY WE CAN DO 278 00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:36,148 SOMETHING LIKE THAT? BY INJECTION INSIDE OR ALMOST A 279 00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:37,148 CLEANING? IT WOULD BE INTERESTING TO CHECK 280 00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,684 THAT. >> SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE COULD USE 281 00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:40,752 A GLASS OF BLEACH RIGHT ABOUT NOW. 282 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,554 THE MEDIA SPREADS WORD OF THE PRESIDENT'S PLAN. 283 00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:48,627 BUT TURNS OUT THE PRESIDENT WAS JUST PULLING OUR LEGS. 284 00:13:48,629 --> 00:13:51,429 SARCASTICALLY TO REPORTERS LIKE YOU JUST TO SEE WHAT WOULD 285 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,698 HAPPEN. >> CLASSIC. 286 00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:55,366 HAD ME GOING. EVEN HIS FOX & FRIENDS WERE 287 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:56,768 CONFUSED. >> IT DIDN'T SEEM LIKE IT WAS 288 00:13:56,770 --> 00:13:59,170 COMING OFF AS SARCASTIC. >> EITHER WAY, IT'S IMPORTANT WE 289 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:02,907 END THIS MESS SOON OR ELSE. >> IF WE DON'T GET THIS ECONOMY 290 00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:06,244 GOING AGAIN, THAT MAN COULD BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED 291 00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,847 STATES. NOW, THAT IS FAR MORE TERRIFYING 292 00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:11,983 THAN ANY CORONAVIRUS. >> THAT'S A BUNCH OF MALARKEY! 293 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:17,522 >> THIS HAS BEEN "THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY." 294 00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:19,391 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW 295 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:20,859 FOR YOU TONIGHT. WE'VE GOT MUSIC FROM 296 00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:21,993 MAROON 5 WITH MEGAN THEE STALLION. 297 00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:23,929 AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH. 298 00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:29,167 SO STICK AROUND. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 299 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,737 ♪ >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE 300 00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:34,539 SHOW. TONIGHT, THEY ARE AN ENORMOUSLY 301 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,408 POPULAR BAND FROM RIGHT HERE IN L.A. 302 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:45,083 THEY HAVE A NEW SONG "BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES." 303 00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:46,685 FEATURING MEGAN THEY THEY STALLION. 304 00:14:46,687 --> 00:14:47,686 MUSIC FROM MAROON 5 FEATURING MEGAN THEE STALLION. 305 00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:49,687 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] TOMORROW NIGHT, GAL GADOT AND 306 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,623 ERIC ANDRE WILL JOIN US, WITH MUSIC FROM KALAYO. 307 00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:57,896 PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT TOO. OUR FIRST GUEST SPENT NINE YEARS 308 00:14:57,898 --> 00:15:03,168 AS CO-OWNER OF THE TEXAS RANGERS BASEBALL TEAM BEFORE DECIDING TO 309 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,636 GO INTO HIS FATHER'S BUSINESS, WHICH IS BEING PRESIDENT OF THE 310 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:08,573 UNITED STATES. HE'S NOW AN ARTIST WITH A NEW 311 00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:10,108 BOOK OF PAINTINGS AND STORIES CALLED "OUT OF MANY, ONE: 312 00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:11,242 PORTRAITS OF AMERICA'S IMMIGRANTS." 313 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:12,710 PLEASE WELCOME PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH. 314 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:17,315 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HELLO, MR. PRESIDENT. 315 00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:18,316 >> JIMMY. >> Jimmy: GOOD TO SEE YOU. 316 00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:24,656 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANKS FOR JOINING US. 317 00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:26,257 BOY. >> SOUNDS LIKE YOU GOT A BUNCH 318 00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,326 OF DRUNKS THERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 319 00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:32,664 >> Jimmy: YEP, THAT'S THE LEAST OF IT. 320 00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:36,401 I WAS HOPING THAT YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO COME OUT TO SEE YOU IN 321 00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:39,804 PERSON AND CELEBRATE 4/20 TOGETHER THE NIGHT BEFORE THE 322 00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:45,277 SHOW. [ LAUGHTER ] 323 00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:48,346 HOW ARE YOU DOING, HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING? 324 00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:51,149 YOU'RE IN YOUR OFFICE RIGHT NOW? >> YEAH, RIGHT HERE IN DALLAS. 325 00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,885 EVERYTHING'S GREAT, THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME ON THE SHOW. 326 00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:57,889 I'M SORRY I'M NOT THERE AS WELL. LAST TIME I WAS IN L.A., I HAD A 327 00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,290 BLAST. >> Jimmy: I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH 328 00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,226 YOU LAST TIME. I THINK WE HAD TOO MUCH FUN, I 329 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,560 HAD SO MANY QUESTIONS THAT I DIDN'T GET TO. 330 00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,897 AND ONE OF THEM, WHICH WAS LIKE SOMETHING I REALLY WANTED TO ASK 331 00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:08,766 ABOUT, IS SOMETHING THAT TURNED OUT HILLARY CLINTON WROTE ABOUT 332 00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:11,436 IN HER BOOK. SHE SAID THAT AFTER TRUMP -- YOU 333 00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:15,173 REMEMBER THAT GUY? [ LAUGHTER ] 334 00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,908 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AFTER TRUMP GAVE HIS 335 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:21,646 SPEECH AT THE INAUGURATION, YOU TURNED AROUND AND SAID TO A 336 00:16:21,715 --> 00:16:27,519 SMALL GROUP OF PEOPLE, INCLUDING HER, "THAT WAS SOME WEIRD 337 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,120 [ BLEEP ]." [ LAUGHTER ] 338 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:34,191 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IS THAT AN ACCURATE ACCOUNT OF 339 00:16:34,261 --> 00:16:39,731 WHAT WAS SAID? >> YOU KNOW, I CAN'T REMEMBER. 340 00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:43,268 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S A VERY GOOD 341 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,402 ANSWER. CAN YOU REMEMBER -- THIS IS 342 00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,470 SOMETHING I WAS THINKING ABOUT TODAY. 343 00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:47,405 DO YOU REMEMBER THE NUCLEAR CODES? 344 00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:49,808 I'M LIKE SURE THEY CHANGED THEM, I HOPE THEY CHANGED THEM. 345 00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:53,945 [ LAUGHTER ] BUT DO YOU REMEMBER -- DO YOU 346 00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:56,614 REMEMBER YOURS? >> LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, I 347 00:16:56,683 --> 00:17:06,558 COULDN'T EVEN SAY THE WORD NU-CU-LEER. 348 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:07,759 [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] 349 00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:11,963 >> Jimmy: PRESIDENT OBAMA'S BOOK, HE SAID THE NIGHT S.E.A.L. 350 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:15,700 TEAM 6 KILLED OSAMA BIN LADEN, HE CALLED YOU TO LET YOU KNO 351 00:17:15,769 --> 00:17:16,701 FIRST. DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT WAS GOING 352 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:19,170 ON WHEN YOU GOT THAT CALL? >> I DO REMEMBER. 353 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:22,640 I GOT A CALL FROM LOGAN, WHO IS MY ASSISTANT. 354 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:28,313 I WAS EATING A SOUFFLE. [ LAUGHTER ] 355 00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:31,983 GUESS WHAT THE NAME OF THE RESTAURANT IS? 356 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:32,584 RISE. >> Jimmy: RISE? 357 00:17:32,586 --> 00:17:34,119 >> OH, YES. GET IT? 358 00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:35,186 SOUFFLE, RISE? [ LAUGHTER ] 359 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:38,923 >> Jimmy: OH, RIGHT, SURE, YEAH. >> OKAY. 360 00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:42,394 AND SO I HUSTLED HOME. SHE SAID, THE PRESIDENT WANTS TO 361 00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:45,730 SPEAK TO YOU. I LEFT MY SOUFFLE. 362 00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:48,599 WENT HOME. AND HE GOT ON THE PHONE AND 363 00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:54,005 SAID, "WE GOT BIN LADEN." YOU KNOW, I WAS VERY GRATEFUL HE 364 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:58,009 CALLED ME. APPRECIATIVE THAT THEY TOOK 365 00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:59,611 TIME. AND I WAS VERY PLEASED FOR OUR 366 00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,279 MILITARY AND OUR INTELLIGENCE COMMUNITY TO HUNT THE GUY DOWN. 367 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:06,150 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: AND YET I FEEL LIKE 368 00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:09,220 OBAMA OWES YOU A SOUFFLE. [ LAUGHTER ] 369 00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:13,491 >> YEAH, HE DOES. >> Jimmy: EVERYONE IS I THINK 370 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,894 VERY INTERESTED -- YOU'RE PROBABLY TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT 371 00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:18,295 YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH MICHELLE OBAMA. 372 00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:22,633 BUT I KNOW THAT IS A REAL THING AND NOT JUST SOMETHING THAT 373 00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:26,237 SOUNDS LIKE FUN. BUT I WONDER HOW -- LIKE, AS FAR 374 00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:28,506 AS FRIENDS GO, LIKE DO YOU HAVE HER PHONE NUMBER IN YOUR CELL 375 00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:31,976 PHONE? >> NO. 376 00:18:32,045 --> 00:18:34,645 >> Jimmy: YOU DO NOT, OKAY. >> NOR DOES SHE HAVE MINE. 377 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:37,449 BUT HERE'S THE THING. I GO TO A LOT OF FUNERALS. 378 00:18:37,451 --> 00:18:41,052 >> Jimmy: YEAH? >> AND SO DOES SHE. 379 00:18:41,054 --> 00:18:44,322 >> Jimmy: OKAY? >> AND BECAUSE OF PROTOCOL, I'M 380 00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:47,258 ALWAYS STUCK NEXT TO HER, OR SHE'S ALWAYS STUCK NEXT TO ME. 381 00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:49,794 >> Jimmy: UH-HUH? >> AND I GET A LITTLE ANTSY 382 00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:54,198 DURING THE LONG-WINDED EULOGIES. SO I START CRACKING A FEW JOKES. 383 00:18:54,267 --> 00:19:01,672 [ LAUGHTER ] FUNERAL JOKES. 384 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,475 AND SHE SEEMED TO THINK THEY'RE FUNNY. 385 00:19:03,477 --> 00:19:05,076 SO I'M DELIGHTED. [ LAUGHTER ] 386 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,879 >> Jimmy: DOES BARACK HAVE A RELATIONSHIP, A SIMILAR 387 00:19:08,949 --> 00:19:11,816 RELATIONSHIP, OR A RELATIONSHIP OF ANY KIND, WITH LAURA? 388 00:19:11,885 --> 00:19:14,219 >> NO. >> Jimmy: HE DOES NOT, OH, ALL 389 00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:15,753 RIGHT. >> HE DOESN'T SIT NEXT TO HER IN 390 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,822 THE FUNERALS. [ LAUGHTER ] 391 00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:19,024 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, THAT MAKES SENSE. 392 00:19:19,092 --> 00:19:23,094 I HEARD A BIG REASON THAT YOU GOT VACCINATED IS BECAUSE YOU 393 00:19:23,096 --> 00:19:24,162 WANTED TO GET BACK TO BASEBALL GAMES. 394 00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:26,965 IS THAT TRUE? >> WELL, I WAS ASKED, YOU KNOW, 395 00:19:26,967 --> 00:19:31,035 WHAT DO I LOOK FORWARD TO AFTER BEING VACCINATED? 396 00:19:31,104 --> 00:19:33,838 I SAID, GOING TO A BASEBALL GAME. 397 00:19:33,907 --> 00:19:34,972 I SHOULD HAVE SAID, SEEING MY GRANDKIDS. 398 00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:40,511 [ LAUGHTER ] I'M A BASEBALL FAN. 399 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:43,248 >> Jimmy: WELL, YOU CAN TAKE THEM. 400 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,650 HAVE YOU BEEN TO A BASEBALL GAME YET? 401 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:48,319 >> I HAVE, I WENT TO OPENING DAY, RANGERS STADIUM. 402 00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:50,588 >> Jimmy: YOU OWNED THE TEXAS RANGERS. 403 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,790 DID YOU KNOW YOU BOUGHT THE TEXAS RANGERS SOMETHING LIKE 39 404 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,859 YEARS AGO TODAY? >> OH, NO. 405 00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:58,997 >> Jimmy: YEAH, WHEN YOU BOUGHT THEM -- I KNOW YOU DIDN'T OWN 406 00:19:58,999 --> 00:20:00,598 THE WHOLE TEAM, YOU OWNED A PIECE OF THE TEAM -- 407 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,868 >> A SLIVER, A SLIVER. >> Jimmy: HOW MUCH DID YOU BUY 408 00:20:03,937 --> 00:20:05,069 THE TEAM FOR, DO YOU REMEMBER? >> $89 MILLION. 409 00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:06,938 >> Jimmy: DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S WORTH NOW? 410 00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:10,808 >> PROBABLY -- I'D SAY $800 MILLION. 411 00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:11,743 >> Jimmy: NO. ALMOST $2 BILLION. 412 00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:16,013 [ LAUGHTER ] >> THANK YOU FOR BRINGING THAT 413 00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:21,419 UP. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 414 00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:23,888 THANKS. I GOT A FEW STOCK TIPS FOR YOU 415 00:20:23,957 --> 00:20:27,225 TOO, YOU KNOW? [ LAUGHTER ] 416 00:20:27,293 --> 00:20:29,427 >> Jimmy: HOW HANDS-ON WERE YOU WITH THE TEAM? 417 00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:31,963 WOULD YOU GET DOWN AND TAKE BATTING PRACTICE OR DO ANY OF 418 00:20:31,965 --> 00:20:35,033 THAT KIND OF STUFF? >> NO, I WAS PRETTY MUCH A JOCKS 419 00:20:35,035 --> 00:20:38,969 AND SOCKS GUY, YOU KNOW? AFTER THE GAME, PICKING UP ALL 420 00:20:39,039 --> 00:20:41,306 THE LAUNDRY, SHOWING THEM I WORK FOR THEM. 421 00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:45,443 [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, WE WENT TO A LOT OF GAMES. 422 00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:50,048 AND I SAT DOWN WITH THE FANS, WHICH WAS FINE UNTIL WE STARTED 423 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,315 LOSING. >> Jimmy: UH-HUH, YEAH. 424 00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:54,252 I WOULD IMAGINE THAT'S NO FUN. YEAH, IT'S ONE OF THE THINGS 425 00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:57,455 ABOUT BEING AN OWNER IS, YOU'RE PROBABLY A WEALTHY GUY WHO NEVER 426 00:20:57,523 --> 00:21:02,393 GETS ANY ABUSE AT ALL, AND THEN SUDDENLY THE TEAM STARTS LOSING, 427 00:21:02,461 --> 00:21:05,663 YOU ARE ABUSED CONSTANTLY. >> YEAH. 428 00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:11,869 BUT I WAS USED TO THE ABUSE. [ LAUGHTER ] 429 00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:13,204 >> Jimmy: HOW MUCH GOLF WOULD YOU SAY IS AN APPROPRIATE AMOUNT 430 00:21:13,206 --> 00:21:16,007 OF GOLF TO PLAY WHEN YOU'RE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES? 431 00:21:16,009 --> 00:21:21,546 >> I PLAYED MY FIRST YEAR, THEN WHEN WE HAD TROOPS IN COMBAT, I 432 00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:22,880 DIDN'T PLAY AT ALL. >> Jimmy: BECAUSE OF THE OPTICS? 433 00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:28,286 >> BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT SOME MOTHER SEEING -- WHOSE KID'S IN 434 00:21:28,288 --> 00:21:31,022 COMBAT SEEING THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF OUT THERE PLAYING GOLF, SO 435 00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:33,024 I DIDN'T PLAY ANY. [ APPLAUSE ] 436 00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:35,226 >> Jimmy: THAT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE. 437 00:21:35,228 --> 00:21:38,696 WOULD YOU PLAY GOLF AT A TRUMP PROPERTY? 438 00:21:38,698 --> 00:21:40,832 >> PROBABLY NOT. [ LAUGHTER ] 439 00:21:40,834 --> 00:21:44,903 >> Jimmy: WHY NOT? >> BECAUSE I LIKE MY PROPERTIES 440 00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:47,505 HERE IN DALLAS. >> Jimmy: I SEE, ALL RIGHT. 441 00:21:47,507 --> 00:21:50,241 [ LAUGHTER ] ARE YOU AT ALL JEALOUS THAT YOU 442 00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:54,445 DIDN'T THINK UP THE SPACE FORCE? [ LAUGHTER ] 443 00:21:54,513 --> 00:22:00,851 >> YES. >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, LAST TIME 444 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,788 YOU WERE HERE, WE DID TALK ABOUT SOMETHING THAT I'M VERY 445 00:22:03,856 --> 00:22:06,123 INTERESTED IN. AND AS I'VE SAID A NUMBER OF 446 00:22:06,192 --> 00:22:09,394 OCCASIONS, THE FIRST THING I WOULD DO IF I WAS PRESIDENT IS 447 00:22:09,396 --> 00:22:13,130 GO RIGHT TO THE UFO FILES AND FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON. 448 00:22:13,199 --> 00:22:14,799 YOU DID NOT SHED ANY LIGHT ON THAT SITUATION. 449 00:22:14,867 --> 00:22:19,003 BUT NOW THERE'S A VIDEO. I WONDER IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS 450 00:22:19,071 --> 00:22:22,607 VIDEO THAT HAS BEEN VERIFIED BY THE PENTAGON. 451 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:28,479 IT SEEMS TO BE -- THIS VIDEO IS EITHER A DORITO, OR A UFO, OR 452 00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:31,081 POSSIBLY A SLICE OF PIZZA. NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE. 453 00:22:31,151 --> 00:22:37,755 BUT IT IS AN UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 454 00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:40,758 NOW THAT THIS HAS BEEN VERIFIED BIT PENTAGON WORK, YOU BE 455 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:45,830 SURPRISED IF WE WERE VISITED BY CREATURES FROM ANOTHER PLANET? 456 00:22:45,832 --> 00:22:46,897 >> YEAH. WOULDN'T YOU BE? 457 00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:48,032 >> Jimmy: WELL, YEAH. >> HELL, YEAH. 458 00:22:48,101 --> 00:22:52,570 >> Jimmy: BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING, AND I THINK IT'S 459 00:22:52,639 --> 00:22:54,038 INTERESTING THAT YOU SAID YOU'D BE SURPRISED. 460 00:22:54,107 --> 00:22:56,440 BECAUSE IF YOU'VE SEEN EVIDENCE -- SO YOU'RE SAYING 461 00:22:56,509 --> 00:23:01,379 THERE IS NO EVIDENCE. PRESIDENT CLINTON TOLD ME IF HE 462 00:23:01,447 --> 00:23:04,115 HAD SEEN EVIDENCE, HE WOULD TELL EVERYONE THAT HE'D SEEN IT. 463 00:23:04,117 --> 00:23:07,117 DO YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY? >> NO. 464 00:23:07,187 --> 00:23:11,456 >> Jimmy: NO, YOU WOULDN'T? [ LAUGHTER ] 465 00:23:11,458 --> 00:23:13,457 YOU DON'T THINK WE CAN HANDLE IT? 466 00:23:13,526 --> 00:23:17,328 >> I'M AFRAID. I'M AFRAID. 467 00:23:17,330 --> 00:23:18,796 IT MIGHT SPIN YOU INTO ORBIT. [ LAUGHTER ] 468 00:23:18,798 --> 00:23:21,332 >> Jimmy: OKAY, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, I GOT NOTHING OUT OF 469 00:23:21,334 --> 00:23:24,335 THAT, ALL RIGHT. WE HAVE MANY THINGS TO TALK 470 00:23:24,404 --> 00:23:26,870 ABOUT. THIS IS PRESIDENT BUSH'S NEW 471 00:23:26,940 --> 00:23:31,075 BOOK OF PAINTINGS AND STORIES, "OUT OF MANY, ONE." 472 00:23:31,077 --> 00:23:32,310 BE RIGHT BACK WITH PRESIDENT BUSH. 473 00:23:35,882 --> 00:23:38,683 >>> WE'LL EUTH ABOUT A DOZEN COLORS OF UNORTHODOX BRUSHES IN 474 00:23:38,751 --> 00:23:41,619 EACH SHOW. I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO PUT SOME OF 475 00:23:41,687 --> 00:23:42,754 NATURE'S MASTERPIECES ON THE CANVAS. 476 00:23:42,822 --> 00:23:45,356 I TELL YOU WHAT LET'S GET STARTED. 477 00:23:45,358 --> 00:23:46,890 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: THAT IS PRESIDENT 478 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,561 BUSH, THE PAINTER. THAT'S HIS BOOK, "OUT OF MANY, 479 00:23:50,563 --> 00:23:52,229 ONE." MR. PRESIDENT, YOU WROTE AN 480 00:23:52,298 --> 00:23:54,632 OP-ED IN "THE WASHINGTON POST" ON FRIDAY IN WHICH YOU CALLED 481 00:23:54,701 --> 00:23:58,236 FOR IMMIGRATION REFORM. YOU SAID SOME THINGS THAT I 482 00:23:58,304 --> 00:24:02,039 DON'T THINK TOO MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR PARTY AGREE WITH. 483 00:24:02,108 --> 00:24:04,509 IS THAT FAIR TO SAY? >> I DON'T THINK SO. 484 00:24:04,577 --> 00:24:08,645 I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE IN MY PARTY AGREE WITH WHAT I WROTE. 485 00:24:08,715 --> 00:24:11,516 I THINK THERE'S SOME LOUD VOICES THAT, YOU KNOW, SEND A DIFFERENT 486 00:24:11,518 --> 00:24:14,519 SIGNAL. BUT I THINK MOST REPUBLICANS 487 00:24:14,587 --> 00:24:16,921 WOULD LIKE TO SEE RATIONAL IMMIGRATION REFORM. 488 00:24:16,989 --> 00:24:22,326 >> Jimmy: IS YOUR ARTWORK EITHER CONSCIOUSLY OR SUBCONSCIOUSLY A 489 00:24:22,395 --> 00:24:26,731 REACTION TO FOUR YEARS OF CALLING IMMIGRANTS MURDERERS AND 490 00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:29,000 RAPISTS AND ALL SORTS OF HORRIBLE THINGS? 491 00:24:29,002 --> 00:24:31,602 >> MY ARTWORK IS AN ATTEMPT TO ELEVATE THE DEBATE ON 492 00:24:31,671 --> 00:24:37,675 IMMIGRATION. I WANT PEOPLE TO TAKE A HARD 493 00:24:37,743 --> 00:24:41,345 LOOK AT WHAT IMMIGRANTS HAVE MEANT TO OUR COUNTRY. 494 00:24:41,414 --> 00:24:46,083 AND NOT FEAR IMMIGRATION, BUT TO WELCOME IT WITHIN THE LAW. 495 00:24:46,085 --> 00:24:51,221 AND, YOU KNOW, I GOT A -- I PUT THAT "WASHINGTON POST" EDITORIAL 496 00:24:51,291 --> 00:24:56,227 SOME RATIONAL POLICY, JIMMY, AND THERE'S PLACES WE ALL CAN AGREE. 497 00:24:56,295 --> 00:24:59,831 LIKE DACA. OR, YOU KNOW, WORK VISAS. 498 00:24:59,833 --> 00:25:04,569 BUT I THINK WE ALL MAINLY AGREE ALSO THAT WE NEED BORDER 499 00:25:04,637 --> 00:25:05,903 ENFORCEMENT. AND REFORMING THE SYSTEM WILL 500 00:25:05,972 --> 00:25:11,308 ACTUALLY MAKE THE BORDER NOT ONLY MORE SECURE, BUT MORE 501 00:25:11,377 --> 00:25:12,376 COMPASSIONATE. >> Jimmy: WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF 502 00:25:12,378 --> 00:25:14,445 WE ALL AGREE. BUT YEAH, I THINK MOST -- 503 00:25:14,514 --> 00:25:18,182 CERTAINLY MOST AMERICANS AGREE ON THOSE SUBJECTS. 504 00:25:18,251 --> 00:25:20,985 I WANT TO SHOW YOU MY FAVORITE PAINTING IN THE BOOK -- 505 00:25:21,053 --> 00:25:25,189 >> I'M TALKING ABOUT AMERICANS. OKAY, YEAH, MADELEINE ALBRIGHT, 506 00:25:25,257 --> 00:25:26,723 YEAH. >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH. 507 00:25:26,793 --> 00:25:31,863 THAT IS A REALLY, REALLY GOOD PAINTING. 508 00:25:31,865 --> 00:25:32,663 [ APPLAUSE ] HAS SHE SEEN THIS? 509 00:25:32,665 --> 00:25:35,733 >> YES. THANK YOU. 510 00:25:35,735 --> 00:25:36,467 IF YOU'D LIKE IT, I MIGHT PAINT YOU. 511 00:25:36,536 --> 00:25:37,468 >> Jimmy: OH. [ LAUGHTER ] 512 00:25:37,536 --> 00:25:40,805 I WOULD LOVE THAT. I WOULD LOVE IF YOU COULD PAINT 513 00:25:40,807 --> 00:25:44,542 ME IN THE NUDE. I THINK WE'D REALLY HAVE 514 00:25:44,610 --> 00:25:47,945 SOMETHING. [ LAUGHTER ] 515 00:25:48,014 --> 00:25:49,680 >> LOOK, I DON'T WANT -- NEVER MIND. 516 00:25:49,749 --> 00:25:50,815 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BY THE WAY, I FEEL 517 00:25:50,883 --> 00:25:52,082 LIKE YOU ALMOST PAINTED ME ALREADY. 518 00:25:52,151 --> 00:25:55,953 BECAUSE THIS GUY LOOKS LIKE ME WITH MY READING GLASSES ON. 519 00:25:56,022 --> 00:25:57,288 [ LAUGHTER ] >> HE'S A COOL GUY. 520 00:25:57,356 --> 00:26:01,092 HE'S A GUY THAT SNUCK IN AS A YOUNG BOY. 521 00:26:01,094 --> 00:26:04,028 COYOTES FLOATED HIM ACROSS THE RIO GRANDE RIVER. 522 00:26:04,030 --> 00:26:07,297 HE'S NOW A VERY SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS GUY HERE IN DALLAS. 523 00:26:07,367 --> 00:26:15,305 >> Jimmy: THESE PEOPLE, THIS IS AN INTERESTING STORY. 524 00:26:15,375 --> 00:26:18,242 TONY GEORGE BUSH AND HIS MOTHER LAILA. 525 00:26:18,311 --> 00:26:20,578 >> HE WAS AN INTERPRETER FOR OUR TROOPS IN BAGHDAD. 526 00:26:20,580 --> 00:26:25,849 MY VIEW IS ANYBODY WHO HELPS OUR TROOPS IN COMBAT SHOULD GET 527 00:26:25,919 --> 00:26:32,056 AUTOMATIC ACCESS TO THE UNITED STATES. 528 00:26:32,058 --> 00:26:36,127 WHEN HE FILLED OUT HIS IMMIGRATION FORM THEY SAID WHAT 529 00:26:36,195 --> 00:26:38,929 WILL YOU BE CALLED? HE SAID, "TONY GEORGE BUSH." 530 00:26:38,998 --> 00:26:41,332 [ LAUGHTER ] I HAD TO PAINT THE GUY. 531 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:48,139 >> Jimmy: OKAY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 532 00:26:48,207 --> 00:26:51,008 >> Jimmy: THIS GUY LOOKS A LITTLE BIT LIKE YOU. 533 00:26:51,076 --> 00:26:56,614 >> SELIM, FROM LEBANON, GREW UP LISTENING TO BULLETS FLY OVER 534 00:26:56,682 --> 00:26:58,349 HIS HEAD. CAME HERE TO GET A HIGH SCHOOL 535 00:26:58,351 --> 00:26:59,350 EDUCATION. NOW A HUGE RESTAURANT OWNER. 536 00:26:59,418 --> 00:27:02,286 I THINK HE TOLD ME HE EMPLOYS ABOUT 3,000 PEOPLE. 537 00:27:02,355 --> 00:27:05,222 THE KEY THING ON SOME OF THESE STORIES ARE THE PEOPLE COME WITH 538 00:27:05,291 --> 00:27:06,891 A DREAM. THEY WORK HARD. 539 00:27:06,893 --> 00:27:10,628 AND THEY END UP EMPLOYING AMERICANS. 540 00:27:10,696 --> 00:27:11,629 >> Jimmy: YES. SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO COME HERE 541 00:27:11,697 --> 00:27:13,898 ON A DREAM, I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHO THIS GUY IS. 542 00:27:13,966 --> 00:27:17,502 [ LAUGHTER ] THIS IS OUR FORMER GOVERNOR HERE 543 00:27:17,570 --> 00:27:18,569 IN CALIFORNIA, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER. 544 00:27:18,638 --> 00:27:23,307 [ APPLAUSE ] >> THAT'S A STRANGE PAINTING. 545 00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:26,110 I KNOW. BUT HE HAS -- 546 00:27:26,112 --> 00:27:27,712 >> Jimmy: HE'S A STRANGE MAN. >> NO, HE'S NOT. 547 00:27:27,714 --> 00:27:31,181 >> Jimmy: OH, HE'S GREAT, I LOVE HIM, BUT HE'S A STRANGE MAN, 548 00:27:31,250 --> 00:27:32,182 THERE'S NO QUESTION ABOUT IT. [ LAUGHTER ] 549 00:27:32,251 --> 00:27:35,118 >> WHY DON'T YOU TELL HIM THAT TO HIS FACE? 550 00:27:35,188 --> 00:27:37,255 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I HAVE DONE THAT. 551 00:27:37,323 --> 00:27:38,456 >> OH. >> Jimmy: AND I WILL, I'M GOING 552 00:27:38,524 --> 00:27:41,592 TO SEE HIM MONDAY, I'LL TELL HIM. 553 00:27:41,594 --> 00:27:44,461 I'LL SAY, PRESIDENT BUSH SAID YOU WERE A STRANGE MAN, I 554 00:27:44,530 --> 00:27:45,596 ARGUED, BUT -- >> YEAH, THANK YOU. 555 00:27:45,664 --> 00:27:50,401 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] ARNOLD, HE ASKED ME TO PAINT HIM 556 00:27:50,403 --> 00:27:53,937 THAT WAY BECAUSE THAT WAS THE DAY HE GOT SWORN IN AS A 557 00:27:54,007 --> 00:27:56,473 CITIZEN. WHICH HE SAYS -- HE WAS WEARING 558 00:27:56,542 --> 00:28:00,277 AN UNCLE SAM OUTFIT. HE SAID, ONE OF THE HAPPY ELS 559 00:28:00,279 --> 00:28:02,413 DAYS OF HIS LIFE. HOPEFULLY I CAN TOURED THAT IN 560 00:28:02,415 --> 00:28:04,548 THE PAINTING. >> Jimmy: HE SELECTED THE 561 00:28:04,616 --> 00:28:06,350 PHOTOGRAPH THAT YOU WOULD USE TO PAINT HIM? 562 00:28:06,419 --> 00:28:07,285 >> YES, RIGHT. >> Jimmy: I THINK WE HAVE THE 563 00:28:07,353 --> 00:28:09,086 PHOTOGRAPH. [ LAUGHTER ] 564 00:28:09,088 --> 00:28:11,155 >> THERE IT IS. [ APPLAUSE ] 565 00:28:11,223 --> 00:28:15,159 >> Jimmy: THIS IS A GUY THAT LOVES AMERICA. 566 00:28:15,227 --> 00:28:19,763 LOOKS LIKE HE WAS HIRED AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY. 567 00:28:19,832 --> 00:28:22,433 YOU PAINT PEOPLE FROM PHOTOGRAPHS BECAUSE YOU DON'T 568 00:28:22,435 --> 00:28:24,435 WANT THEM SITTING THERE IN YOUR ROOM WITH YOU? 569 00:28:24,437 --> 00:28:25,302 >> CORRECT. >> Jimmy: YEAH, RIGHT. 570 00:28:25,371 --> 00:28:30,841 [ LAUGHTER ] >> SOME WON'T SIT IN THE ROOM 571 00:28:30,909 --> 00:28:33,110 WITH ME THAT LONG. TAKES A LONG TIME. 572 00:28:33,178 --> 00:28:36,647 YEAH, I USE PHOTOS. I KNEW -- I GOT TO KNOW THE 573 00:28:36,716 --> 00:28:38,915 PEOPLE BEFORE I PAINTED THEM. SO I WAS ABLE TO THINK ABOUT 574 00:28:38,985 --> 00:28:42,987 THEIR STORIES, YOU KNOW. ABOUT THEIR PASSIONS AND ABOUT 575 00:28:42,989 --> 00:28:48,059 THEIR STRUGGLES TO GET HERE. AND SO IT'S NOT -- I DIDN'T 576 00:28:48,061 --> 00:28:51,261 PAINT THEM LIVE, OF COURSE, BUT IT'S ALMOST LIVE. 577 00:28:51,330 --> 00:28:53,731 >> Jimmy: SPEAKING OF PASSIONS, DID YOUR PARENTS -- WERE THEY, 578 00:28:53,799 --> 00:28:57,802 MAY THEY REST IN PEACE, SURPRISED BY THE FACT THAT YOU 579 00:28:57,804 --> 00:28:59,737 TOOK UP PAINTING, SURPRISED BY YOUR HOBBY? 580 00:28:59,805 --> 00:29:04,341 >> SHOCKED, YEAH, YEAH. >> Jimmy: BECAUSE YOUR DAD WAS 581 00:29:04,343 --> 00:29:05,743 JUMPING OUT OF PLANES AT YOUR AGE AND BEYOND. 582 00:29:05,811 --> 00:29:10,214 >> THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH. WHILE HE WAS JUMPING, I'M 583 00:29:10,216 --> 00:29:11,615 PAINTING. [ LAUGHTER ] 584 00:29:11,684 --> 00:29:14,618 YEAH, MOTHER -- SO MOTHER SAID, I HEAR YOU'RE A PAINTER. 585 00:29:14,620 --> 00:29:16,153 AND I SAID, I AM, MOM. SHE SAID, PAINT MY DOGS! 586 00:29:16,222 --> 00:29:22,760 [ LAUGHTER ] I SAID, ALL RIGHT. 587 00:29:22,828 --> 00:29:24,027 SO I BECAME A PET PORTRAIT PAINTER FOR A WHILE. 588 00:29:24,097 --> 00:29:28,099 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK 589 00:29:28,101 --> 00:29:33,037 WITH PRESIDENT BUSH! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 590 00:29:34,573 --> 00:29:40,844 ♪ >> Jimmy: WE'RE BACK WITH 591 00:29:40,913 --> 00:29:45,315 PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH. MUSIC FROM MAROON 5 IS ON THE 592 00:29:45,384 --> 00:29:47,718 WAY. MR. PRESIDENT, BEFORE DONALD 593 00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:51,122 TRUMP, THERE WEREN'T A LOT OF FUNNY CLIPS INVOLVING THE 594 00:29:51,190 --> 00:29:55,792 PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. BUT OF WHAT THERE WERE, YOU WERE 595 00:29:55,862 --> 00:29:59,864 IN A LOT OF THEM. [ LAUGHTER ] 596 00:29:59,866 --> 00:30:02,800 AND THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT. 597 00:30:02,868 --> 00:30:11,075 LET'S ROLL THAT CLIP. NOW, I HAVE TO SAY, I WAS VERY 598 00:30:11,143 --> 00:30:13,677 PROUD OF YOU FOR DODGING THOSE SHOES WHEN IT HAPPENED. 599 00:30:13,746 --> 00:30:17,814 [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S LIKE -- YOU WERE VERY -- 600 00:30:17,884 --> 00:30:20,351 YOU HAVE VERY GOOD REFLEXES. MY GUESS IS THAT LAURA HAD DONE 601 00:30:20,419 --> 00:30:21,351 THAT BEFORE? [ LAUGHTER ] 602 00:30:21,420 --> 00:30:27,958 >> YEAH. EXACTLY. 603 00:30:28,027 --> 00:30:32,496 [ LAUGHTER ] NOW, THAT'S FUNNY. 604 00:30:32,565 --> 00:30:35,699 >> Jimmy: THAT MIGHT MAKE A NICE PAINTING, DEPICTING THAT SCENE. 605 00:30:35,768 --> 00:30:38,569 YOU DODGING THE SHOE, FLYING OVER YOU, SOMETHING TO THINK 606 00:30:38,637 --> 00:30:40,237 ABOUT FOR THE NEXT ONE. [ LAUGHTER ] 607 00:30:40,306 --> 00:30:44,575 >> SIZE 12. >> Jimmy: THERE ARE MANY QUOTES 608 00:30:44,643 --> 00:30:48,712 THAT ARE ATTRIBUTED TO YOU. YOU'VE BEEN KNOWN TO MAKE THE 609 00:30:48,780 --> 00:30:52,049 OCCASIONAL VERBAL GAFFE. MAYBE EVEN MORE THAN OCCASIONAL. 610 00:30:52,117 --> 00:30:57,321 NOW THEY'VE COME UP -- DO YOU KNOW THEY HAVE A THING CALLED 611 00:30:57,389 --> 00:30:59,123 "BUSHISMS"? >> YEAH, YES. 612 00:30:59,125 --> 00:31:00,257 >> Jimmy: YEAH, ALL RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ] 613 00:31:00,326 --> 00:31:04,328 SOME OF THEM ARE WELL KNOWN, LIKE WHEN YOU ASKED, YOU KNOW, 614 00:31:04,396 --> 00:31:06,463 IS OUR CHILDREN LEARNING? OR THIS ONE HERE. 615 00:31:06,465 --> 00:31:08,799 >> YOU'RE WORKING HARD TO PUT FOOD ON YOUR FAMILY. 616 00:31:08,868 --> 00:31:09,867 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: RIGHT. 617 00:31:09,935 --> 00:31:12,803 BUT THERE ARE MORE. AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU EVEN 618 00:31:12,872 --> 00:31:19,343 REMEMBER SOME OF THESE THINGS. SO WE'RE GOING TO PLAY A GAME 619 00:31:19,411 --> 00:31:24,882 CALLED "BUSHISM OR NOT?" TO TEST YOUR RECOLLECTION. 620 00:31:24,950 --> 00:31:27,751 DID YOU SAY, I KNOW THAT HUMAN BEING AND FISH CAN COEXIST 621 00:31:27,820 --> 00:31:34,358 PEACEFULLY? >> YES. 622 00:31:34,426 --> 00:31:35,893 >> Jimmy: THAT IS. >> I KNOW THE HUMAN BEING AND 623 00:31:35,961 --> 00:31:38,896 FISH CAN COEXIST PEACEFULLY. [ LAUGHTER ] 624 00:31:38,964 --> 00:31:40,964 >> Jimmy: ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. AND YOU WERE RIGHT ON THAT. 625 00:31:41,033 --> 00:31:46,436 [ APPLAUSE ] EXCEPT FOR SHARKS, YEAH. 626 00:31:46,505 --> 00:31:48,239 ALL RIGHT, NEXT. I THINK I'VE MADE GOOD JUDGMENTS 627 00:31:48,241 --> 00:31:51,441 IN THE PAST, AND I THINK I'VE MADE SOME GOOD JUDGMENTS IN THE 628 00:31:51,510 --> 00:31:53,377 FUTURE. [ LAUGHTER ] 629 00:31:53,445 --> 00:31:56,446 >> YOGI BERRA SAID THAT. >> Jimmy: WELL, LET'S SEE WHO 630 00:31:56,515 --> 00:31:58,849 SAID THAT. >> I BELIEVE THAT I'VE MADE GOOD 631 00:31:58,918 --> 00:32:03,320 JUDGMENTS IN THE PAST, AND I THINK I'VE MADE GOOD JUDGMENTS 632 00:32:03,388 --> 00:32:04,655 IN THE FUTURE. >> Jimmy: THAT WAS FORMER VICE 633 00:32:04,657 --> 00:32:07,057 PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE. ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE 2 FOR 2. 634 00:32:07,059 --> 00:32:13,530 YOU TEACH A CHILD TO READ AND HEAR HER WILL BE ABLE TO PASS A 635 00:32:13,599 --> 00:32:15,265 LITERACY TEST. [ LAUGHTER ] 636 00:32:15,334 --> 00:32:16,467 >> ME. >> Jimmy: IS THAT HIM? 637 00:32:16,535 --> 00:32:23,140 >> TEACH A CHILD TO READ, AND HE OR HER WILL BE ABLE TO PASS A 638 00:32:23,209 --> 00:32:24,341 LITERACY TEST. [ APPLAUSE ] 639 00:32:24,410 --> 00:32:26,677 >> Jimmy: 3 FOR 3. YOU'RE DOING WELL. 640 00:32:26,745 --> 00:32:29,213 HERE'S ANOTHER ONE. THANK YOU, YOUR HOLINESS, 641 00:32:29,215 --> 00:32:33,283 AWESOME SPEECH. [ LAUGHTER ] 642 00:32:33,352 --> 00:32:37,354 >> SURELY THAT WASN'T ME. >> Jimmy: IT HAD TO BE SOMEBODY 643 00:32:37,422 --> 00:32:44,361 ELSE. >> GOD BLESS AMERICA. 644 00:32:44,430 --> 00:32:45,629 >> THANK YOU, YOUR HOLINESS, AWESOME SPEECH. 645 00:32:45,631 --> 00:32:54,972 [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 646 00:32:54,974 --> 00:32:57,908 >> HE APPRECIATED IT. >> Jimmy: SURE, I MEAN A 647 00:32:57,910 --> 00:33:01,779 COMPLIMENT'S A COMPLIMENT, IT DOESN'T MATTER. 648 00:33:01,781 --> 00:33:03,046 >> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Jimmy: FLUENCY IN ENGLISH IS 649 00:33:03,115 --> 00:33:05,983 SOMETHING THAT I'M NOT -- I'M OFTEN NOT ACCUSED OF. 650 00:33:06,051 --> 00:33:08,786 >> THAT'S GOT TO BE ME. >> Jimmy: IT'S GOT TO BE YOU. 651 00:33:08,854 --> 00:33:14,191 LET'S SEE. >> FLUENCY IN ENGLISH IS 652 00:33:14,193 --> 00:33:16,126 SOMETHING THAT I'M OFTEN NOT ACCUSED OF. 653 00:33:16,195 --> 00:33:20,731 >> Jimmy: WELL, YOU'RE ALMOST RIGHT, THAT WAS YOUR DAD. 654 00:33:20,799 --> 00:33:23,934 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: HERE'S ONE. 655 00:33:23,936 --> 00:33:29,406 I GUESS I'M GOING TO FADE INTO BOLIVION. 656 00:33:29,408 --> 00:33:32,008 >> THAT CAN'T BE ME. >> Jimmy: THAT CAN'T BE YOU? 657 00:33:32,078 --> 00:33:34,010 LET'S SEE. >> PLEASE, PLEASE. 658 00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:37,614 >> I'M GOING TO FADE INTO BOLIVION. 659 00:33:37,683 --> 00:33:38,882 >> Jimmy: MIKE TYSON. HAVE YOU EVER MET? 660 00:33:38,884 --> 00:33:42,219 >> I HAVEN'T. >> Jimmy: THAT WOULD BE QUITE A 661 00:33:42,287 --> 00:33:44,288 MEETING, YOU SHOULD PAINT HIM. >> HAVE YOU? 662 00:33:44,356 --> 00:33:45,289 >> Jimmy: MANY TIMES, YES, YES, YEAH. 663 00:33:45,357 --> 00:33:49,093 >> YEAH. [ LAUGHTER ] 664 00:33:49,161 --> 00:33:51,161 >> Jimmy: YEAH THE THREE OF US SHOULD GET DINNER TOGETHER 665 00:33:51,163 --> 00:33:55,231 SOMETIME. [ LAUGHTER ] 666 00:33:55,301 --> 00:33:57,167 OKAY. NEXT QUOTE IS, IT WILL TAKE TIME 667 00:33:57,169 --> 00:34:01,839 TO RESTORE CHAOS. >> HA, SURELY THAT'S NOT ME. 668 00:34:01,841 --> 00:34:03,440 >> Jimmy: WELL. LET'S FIND OUT. 669 00:34:03,442 --> 00:34:05,842 >> IT WILL TAKE TIME TO RESTORE CHAOS. 670 00:34:05,911 --> 00:34:11,581 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: YOU'RE BEING MISQUOTED 671 00:34:11,650 --> 00:34:15,185 BY YOURSELF. I HAVE ONE MORE FOR YOU. 672 00:34:15,187 --> 00:34:16,920 >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: TOO MANY OB-GYNS 673 00:34:16,988 --> 00:34:19,323 AREN'T ABLE TO PRACTICE THEIR LOVE WITH WOMEN ALL ACROSS THIS 674 00:34:19,391 --> 00:34:21,524 COUNTRY. >> THAT'S ME. 675 00:34:21,594 --> 00:34:26,329 [ LAUGHTER ] >> TOO MANY OB-GYNS AREN'T ABLE 676 00:34:26,399 --> 00:34:28,665 TO PRACTICE THEIR -- THEIR LOVE WITH WOMEN ALL ACROSS THIS 677 00:34:28,667 --> 00:34:31,735 COUNTRY. [ APPLAUSE ] 678 00:34:31,737 --> 00:34:35,138 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR PLAYING. LET'S CLOSE WITH A QUOTE FROM 679 00:34:35,207 --> 00:34:39,476 ONE OF THE GREAT GAFFERS, YOGI BERRA, WHO SAID, "I NEVER SAID 680 00:34:39,478 --> 00:34:41,478 MOST OF THE THINGS I SAID." [ LAUGHTER ] 681 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:44,415 THAT ONE I'M SURE YOU CAN BORROW, I'M SURE YOGI WOULDN'T 682 00:34:44,417 --> 00:34:45,682 MIND AT ALL. >> EXACTLY. 683 00:34:45,751 --> 00:34:46,817 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING WITH US. 684 00:34:46,885 --> 00:34:50,887 I APPRECIATE YOU TAKING TIME. I'M GLAD YOU'RE VACCINATED. 685 00:34:50,956 --> 00:34:52,089 PEOPLE SHOULD GET VACCINATED, RIGHT? 686 00:34:52,157 --> 00:34:56,092 >> YEAH, ABSOLUTELY. YOU KNOW, AND IF YOU'VE GOT ANY 687 00:34:56,162 --> 00:34:58,762 QUALMS ABOUT IT, TALK TO THEIR DOCTOR, YOU KNOW? 688 00:34:58,831 --> 00:35:02,232 WE GOT TO GET VACCINATED. GET THIS COUNTRY BACK GOING. 689 00:35:02,301 --> 00:35:06,036 I'M HAPPY I AM. FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T BEEN 690 00:35:06,038 --> 00:35:08,105 VACCINATED, IT'S A LIBERATING FEELING TO GET VACCINATED. 691 00:35:08,173 --> 00:35:10,774 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: I AGREE WITH YOU, IT 692 00:35:10,843 --> 00:35:14,111 REALLY IS. THIS IS THE BOOK, IT'S CALLED 693 00:35:14,179 --> 00:35:15,779 "OUT OF MANY, ONE: PORTRAITS OF AMERICA'S IMMIGRANTS." 694 00:35:15,781 --> 00:35:19,182 IT IS AVAILABLE NOW. PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH, THANK 695 00:35:19,251 --> 00:35:20,383 YOU, MR. PRESIDENT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 696 00:35:20,453 --> 00:35:26,723 WE'LL BE BACK WITH MAROON 5! >> Dicky: IT TOOK YEARS TO GET 697 00:35:26,792 --> 00:35:30,727 IT RIGHT BUT DR PEPPER ZERO SUGAR HAS FINALLY ARRIVED. 698 00:35:30,729 --> 00:35:33,464 TO CELEBRATE WE ARE CROWNING ON AIR THE FIRST-EVER ZERO AWARD 699 00:35:33,532 --> 00:35:35,598 WINNER. TUNE IN THURSDAY TO SEE WHICH 700 00:35:35,668 --> 00:35:40,670 ONE OF THESE THREE WINS A YEAR'S SUPPLY OF DR PEPPER ZERO SUGAR. 701 00:35:40,739 --> 00:35:43,573 ALL THE FLAVOR YOU DESERVE, NONE OF THE SUGAR. 702 00:35:47,279 --> 00:35:49,480 >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS 703 00:35:49,548 --> 00:35:54,685 PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING. 704 00:35:54,753 --> 00:35:56,152 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, WE'VE DONE A LOT OF TALKING. 705 00:35:56,222 --> 00:36:01,691 NOW IT IS TIME FOR MUSIC. THE SONG IS CALLED "BEAUTIFUL 706 00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:03,894 MISTAKES." WITH HELP FROM THEIR FRIEND, 707 00:36:03,962 --> 00:36:06,930 MEGAN THEE STALLION, MAROON THEE 5! 708 00:36:11,170 --> 00:36:13,504 ♪ ♪ 709 00:36:13,572 --> 00:36:16,239 ♪ IT'S BEAUTIFUL IT'S BITTERSWEET ♪ 710 00:36:16,308 --> 00:36:19,376 ♪ YOU'RE LIKE A BROKEN HOME TO ME ♪ 711 00:36:19,445 --> 00:36:21,511 ♪ I TAKE A SHOT OF MEMORIES AND BLACK OUT LIKE 712 00:36:21,580 --> 00:36:24,515 AN EMPTY STREET ♪ ♪ I FILL MY DAYS 713 00:36:24,517 --> 00:36:26,449 WITH THE WAY YOU WALK ♪ ♪ AND FILL MY NIGHTS 714 00:36:26,519 --> 00:36:28,519 WITH BROKEN DREAMS ♪ ♪ I MAKE UP LIES 715 00:36:28,521 --> 00:36:30,053 INSIDE MY HEAD ♪ ♪ LIKE ONE DAY 716 00:36:30,122 --> 00:36:33,991 YOU'LL COME BACK TO ME ♪ ♪ NOW I'M NOT HOLDING ON 717 00:36:33,993 --> 00:36:36,393 NOT HOLDING ON NOT HOLDING ON ♪ 718 00:36:36,461 --> 00:36:37,794 ♪ I'M JUST DEPRESSED THAT YOU'RE GONE ♪ 719 00:36:37,863 --> 00:36:41,865 ♪ NOT HOLDING ON NOT HOLDING ON ♪ 720 00:36:41,933 --> 00:36:46,469 ♪ BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES I MAKE INSIDE MY HEAD 721 00:36:46,539 --> 00:36:49,672 SHE'S NAKED IN MY BED ♪ ♪ AND NOW WE LIE AWAKE 722 00:36:49,742 --> 00:36:57,815 MAKING BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES ♪ ♪ I WOULDN'T TAKE 'EM BACK 723 00:36:57,883 --> 00:37:01,151 I'M IN LOVE WITH THE PAST ♪ ♪ AND NOW WE LIE AWAKE 724 00:37:01,220 --> 00:37:03,353 MAKING BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES ♪ ♪ NAH NAH NAH 725 00:37:03,355 --> 00:37:06,089 IN MY HEAD ♪ ♪ NAH NAH NAH 726 00:37:06,158 --> 00:37:10,027 IN MY BED ♪ ♪ NAH NAH NAH 727 00:37:10,029 --> 00:37:14,831 MAKING BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES ♪ ♪ IT'S PITIFUL 728 00:37:14,833 --> 00:37:18,101 I CAN'T BELIEVE ♪ ♪ HOW EVERY DAY 729 00:37:18,170 --> 00:37:19,702 GETS WORSE FOR ME ♪ ♪ I TAKE A BREAK 730 00:37:19,772 --> 00:37:21,638 I CUT YOU OFF ♪ ♪ TO KEEP MYSELF 731 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:23,439 FROM LOOKING SOFT ♪ ♪ I FILL MY NIGHTS 732 00:37:23,509 --> 00:37:25,108 WITH THE WAY YOU WAS ♪ ♪ AND STILL WAKE UP 733 00:37:25,176 --> 00:37:27,310 WITH BROKEN DREAMS ♪ ♪ I MAKE THESE LIES 734 00:37:27,379 --> 00:37:29,579 INSIDE MY HEAD ♪ ♪ FEEL LIKE THEY'RE 735 00:37:29,648 --> 00:37:32,983 MY REALITY ♪ ♪ NOW I'M NOT HOLDING ON 736 00:37:32,985 --> 00:37:35,652 NOT HOLDING ON NOT HOLDING ON ♪ 737 00:37:35,654 --> 00:37:37,187 ♪ I'M JUST DEPRESSED THAT YOU'RE GONE ♪ 738 00:37:37,256 --> 00:37:40,123 ♪ NOT HOLDING ON NOT HOLDING ON ♪ 739 00:37:40,192 --> 00:37:45,728 ♪ BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES I MAKE INSIDE MY HEAD 740 00:37:45,798 --> 00:37:48,064 SHE'S NAKED IN MY BED ♪ ♪ AND NOW WE LIE AWAKE 741 00:37:48,133 --> 00:37:56,072 MAKING BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES ♪ ♪ I WOULDN'T TAKE 'EM BACK 742 00:37:56,141 --> 00:37:58,475 I'M IN LOVE WITH THE PAST ♪ ♪ AND NOW WE LIE AWAKE 743 00:37:58,477 --> 00:38:02,212 MAKING BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES ♪ ♪ NAH NAH NAH 744 00:38:02,214 --> 00:38:04,281 IN MY HEAD ♪ ♪ NAH NAH NAH 745 00:38:04,349 --> 00:38:08,418 IN MY BED ♪ ♪ NAH NAH NAH 746 00:38:08,487 --> 00:38:11,221 MAKING BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES ♪ ♪ YOU DID ME WRONG 747 00:38:11,290 --> 00:38:12,622 CAUSE I LET YOU ♪ ♪ USUALLY I LIKE 748 00:38:12,691 --> 00:38:15,158 MY SITUATIONS BENEFICIAL ♪ ♪ DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT 749 00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:16,960 GOT ME LOOKING STUPID ♪ ♪ THE ONLY WAY 750 00:38:17,029 --> 00:38:18,628 I'M COMING BACK TO YOU ♪ ♪ IS IF YOU DREAM IT 751 00:38:18,697 --> 00:38:20,697 LUCID, PROVE IT ♪ ♪ IF YOU MADE A PROMISE 752 00:38:20,766 --> 00:38:22,633 THEN KEEP IT ♪ ♪ WHY YOU WANNA LIE 753 00:38:22,635 --> 00:38:24,033 AND THEN GET MAD I DON'T BELIEVE IT ♪ 754 00:38:24,103 --> 00:38:25,234 ♪ BUT REALLY I WAS JUST DOING FINE 755 00:38:25,304 --> 00:38:27,237 WITHOUT YA ♪ ♪ LOOKING FINE 756 00:38:27,306 --> 00:38:29,306 SIPPIN' WINE DANCING ON CLUB COUCHES ♪ 757 00:38:29,374 --> 00:38:31,841 ♪ BABY WHY YOU WANNA LOSE ME LIKE YOU 758 00:38:31,910 --> 00:38:33,377 DON'T NEED ME ♪ ♪ LIKE I DON'T BLOCK YOU 759 00:38:33,445 --> 00:38:35,579 AND YOU STILL TRY TO REACH ME ♪ 760 00:38:35,647 --> 00:38:37,380 ♪ HOW YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO CALL FROM ME 761 00:38:37,449 --> 00:38:39,783 FROM THE TV ♪ ♪ YOU RUNNIN' 762 00:38:39,851 --> 00:38:43,320 OUT OF CHANCES AND THIS TIME I MEAN IT ♪ 763 00:38:43,388 --> 00:38:44,654 ♪ BET YOU MISS MY LOVE ALL IN YOUR BED ♪ 764 00:38:44,723 --> 00:38:45,656 ♪ NOW YA STRESSIN' OUT PULLING YOUR HAIR ♪ 765 00:38:45,724 --> 00:38:51,061 ♪ SMELLING YOUR PILLOWS AND WISHIN' I WAS THERE ♪ 766 00:38:51,063 --> 00:38:52,262 ♪ SLIDING DOWN TO SHOWER WALL LOOKING SAD ♪ 767 00:38:52,264 --> 00:38:53,530 ♪ I KNOW ITS HARD TO LET GO 768 00:38:53,599 --> 00:38:55,132 I'M THE BEST ♪ ♪ BEST YOU EVER HAD 769 00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:56,800 AND BEST YOU GONNA GET ♪ ♪ IF WE BREAK UP 770 00:38:56,868 --> 00:38:59,736 I DON'T WANNA BE FRIENDS YOU'RE TOXIC ♪ 771 00:38:59,738 --> 00:39:02,139 ♪ BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES I MAKE INSIDE MY HEAD 772 00:39:02,141 --> 00:39:05,542 SHE'S NAKED IN MY BED ♪ ♪ AND NOW WE LIE AWAKE 773 00:39:05,611 --> 00:39:11,348 MAKING BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES ♪ ♪ I WOULDN'T TAKE EM BACK 774 00:39:11,416 --> 00:39:14,418 I'M IN LOVE WITH THE PAST ♪ ♪ AND NOW WE LIE AWAKE 775 00:39:14,420 --> 00:39:17,621 MAKING BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES ♪ ♪ NAH NAH NAH 776 00:39:17,689 --> 00:39:23,627 IN MY HEAD ♪ ♪ NAH NAH NAH 777 00:39:23,695 --> 00:39:26,162 IN MY BED ♪ ♪ NAH NAH NAH 778 00:39:26,231 --> 00:39:28,165 MAKING BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES ♪ ♪ NAH NAH NAH 779 00:39:28,167 --> 00:39:30,567 IN MY HEAD ♪ ♪ NAH NAH NAH 780 00:39:30,635 --> 00:39:34,838 IN MY BED ♪ ♪ NAH NAH NAH 781 00:39:34,906 --> 00:39:42,379 MAKING BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES ♪ ♪ 782 00:39:42,447 --> 00:39:53,924 ♪ [ APPLAUSE ] 783 00:39:53,926 --> 00:39:55,392 >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS 784 00:39:55,394 --> 00:39:58,595 PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING. 785 00:40:01,133 --> 00:40:05,135 >> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK MAROON 5 AND PRESIDENT BUSH. 786 00:40:05,137 --> 00:40:06,870 APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. WE RAN OUT OF TIME. 787 00:40:06,938 --> 00:40:09,139 TOMORROW NIGHT, WE'LL HAVE GAL GADOT AND ERIC ANDRE WITH 788 00:40:09,141 --> 00:40:12,275 MUSIC FROM KALAYO. THANKS FOR WATCHING. 789 00:40:12,344 --> 00:40:13,743 "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT. THE NEXT 23 HOURS WILL BE 790 00:40:13,812 --> 00:40:16,346 EXCRUCIATING WITHOUT YOU. I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT. 791 00:40:16,414 --> 00:41:00,256 GOOD NIGHT.