>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S
"JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!"
TONIGHT ‐‐
ANDERSON COOPER, EMILY VANCAMP,
AND MUSIC FROM ZOE WEES.
AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: HI, THERE.
I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST OF THE
SHOW.
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.
YOU KNOW, WE DO THIS SHOW FROM
HOLLYWOOD IN THE STATE OF
CALIFORNIA, WHERE AS OF TODAY
ANY PERSON OVER THE AGE OF 16 IS
ELIGIBLE TO GET THE COVID
VACCINE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THIS IS INTERESTING.
DID YOU KNOW THE VACCINE IS ONLY
HALF AS EFFECTIVE IF YOU DON'T
POST ABOUT IT ON INSTAGRAM?
[ LAUGHTER ]
IF YOU'RE 16, TIKTOK.
GUT YOU GET THE IDEA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
UNFORTUNATELY, JUST OVER 1 IN 5
AMERICANS SAY THEY WILL NOT GET
THE VACCINE.
SAME NUMBER AS DENTISTS WHO
DON'T RECOMMEND SUGARLESS GUM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND ANOTHER 12% SAY THEY'RE
GOING TO WAIT TO LET EVERYONE
ELSE GET TO IT SEE HOW IT GOES.
I GUESS I UNDERSTAND PEOPLE
BEING SKEPTICAL ABOUT PUTTING A
NEW KIND OF MEDICINE IN THEIR
BODIES.
BUT THE TRUTH IS WE DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING WE PUT
IN OUR BODIES.
WE EAT HOT DOGS, CHICKEN
McNUGGETS, WE DRINK MOUNTAIN DEW
CODE RED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NOW, SUDDENLY, WE'RE ALL
JESSICA ALBA ALL OF A SUDDEN.
ORGANIC IN MY VOOINS ONLY, THANK
YOU.
THE OTHER THING IS IT'S FREE.
WE LOVE FREE STUFF.
I HAVE WORKED FOR MANY A RADIO
STATION IN MY LIFE.
I KNOW THAT MOST AMERICANS WILL
TAKE THE DAY OFF OF WORK TO GET
A KEY CHAIN FOR FREE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
I TELL YOU WHAT.
THIS POOR DR. FAUCI.
HE MUST BE BEATING HIS HEAD
AGAINST A WALL.
DR. FAUCI APPEARED TODAY BEFORE
A CONGRESSIONAL SUBCOMMITTEE ON
COVID‐19 AND WAS FORCED TO
ENDURE THE RELENTLESS STUPIDITY
OF A SHAVED APE FROM OHIO NAMED
JIM JORDAN.
>> WHAT MEASURE?
ARE WE JUST GOING TO CONTINUE
THIS FOREVER?
WHEN DOES ‐‐ WHEN DO WE GET TO
THE POINT ‐‐ WHAT MEASURE WHAT
DO WE HAVE TO REACH BEFORE TCOM‐
AMERICANS GET THEIR LIBERTY AND
FREEDOMS BACK?
>> YOU KNOW, YOU'RE INDICATING
LIBERTY AND FREEDOM.
I LOOK AT IT AS A PUBLIC HEALTH
MEASURE TO PREVENT PEOPLE FROM
DYING AND GOING TO THE HOSPITAL.
>> YOU DON'T THINK AMERICANS'
LIBERTIES HAVE BEEN THREATENED
THE LAST YEAR, DR. FAUCI?
THEY'VE BEEN ASSAULTED, THEIR
LIBERTIES HAVE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WAS ASSAULTED?
THOSE WRESTLERS WHEN YOU WERE
THEIR COACH AT OHIO STATE.
[ MOANS AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT YOU DIDN'T NOTICE.
BUT GO ON.
>> FOR SURE, WHEN WE GET THE
LEVEL OF INFECTION VERY LOW, IT
IS NOW AT SUCH A HIGH LEVEL,
THERE'S A THREAT AGAIN OF
MAJOR ‐‐
>> DR. FAUCI.
OVER THE LAST YEAR, AMERICANS'
FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS HAVE BEEN
COMPLETELY ATTACKED.
YOUR RIGHT TO GO TO CHURCH, YOUR
RIGHT TO ASSEMBLE, YOUR RIGHT TO
PETITION YOUR GOVERNMENT,
FREEDOM OF THE PRESS, FREEDOM OF
SPEECH, HAVE ALL BEEN ASSAULTED.
>> Jimmy: LISTEN, MEATHEAD.
FIRST OF ALL, DR. FAUCI HASN'T
ASSAULTED ANYONE.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE CARES ABOUT
PEOPLE BEING ASSAULTED.
AND SECONDLY, DOING SQUATS AT
24‐HOUR FITNESS DOESN'T MAKE YOU
A HEALTH EXPERT.
LOOK, I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE, AND
I THINK IT'S WORTH REPEATING.
ALL THE DOCTORS TELL YOU TO WEAR
MASKS, AND BE CAREFUL, AND THAT
THE VACCINE IS SAFE.
SO IF YOU DECIDE IT ISN'T,
THAT'S FINE, DON'T GET IT, BUT
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO GO TO THE
DOCTOR'S ANYMORE.
WHY WOULD YOU?
THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!
GO TREAT YOUR GONORRHEA WITH
WITCH HAZEL AND A COTTON SWAB.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
DR. FAUCI, THIS GUY HAS BEEN
DOING THIS FOREVER.
HE'S GIVING HIS VERY EDUCATED
OPINIONS.
THE CLOSEST JIM JORDAN EVER GOT
TO BEING AN INFECTIOUS DISEASE
EXPERT IS CONTRACTING SCABIES ON
A WRESTLING MAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I MENTIONED LAST NIGHT,
PRESIDENTS BIDEN AND OBAMA ARE
HEADLINING A STAR‐STUDDED
PRIMETIME SPECIAL THIS WEEKEND
TO TRY TO ENCOURAGE AMERICANS TO
GET THE VACCINE.
WHICH IS SO CRAZY.
WE WANTED IT SO MUCH, NOW WE
WON'T GET IT.
IT'S THE FIRST TIME IN AMERICAN
HISTORY CELEBRITIES AND
POLITICIANS HAVE COME TOGETHER
FOR A "SAY YES TO DRUGS
CAMPAIGN."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
I'M NOT SURE HOW EFFECTIVE THIS
WILL BE.
MOST OF THE PEOPLE WHO WON'T GET
IT DON'T SUPPORT JOE BIDEN OR
BARACK OBAMA, BUT GUESS WHO DID
GET THE VACCINE THIS WEEK?
NONE OTHER THAN FORMER FIRST
DAUGHTER IVANKA TRUMP.
SHE WROTE, "TODAY, I GOT THE
SHOT!
I HOPE THAT YOU DO TOO!
THANK YOU NURSE TORRES!"
WHICH IS GOOD.
I'M GLAD SHE DID IT.
AND POSTED ABOUT IT.
BUT THE COMMENTS UNDER HER POST
ARE, NOPE, NOT DOING IT.
HARD NO.
PASS.
YOU'RE JOKING RIGHT?
AND I NEVER WILL.
WHAT A SOLID FANBASE.
WHICH IS IT, TRUMPSTERS?
DOES DONALD TRUMP DESERVE CREDIT
FOR THE MIRACLE VACCINES, OR ARE
THEY USELESS?
IT CAN'T BE BOTH OF THOSE
THINGS.
MEANWHILE, THERE ARE NEW DETAILS
IN THE SORDID SAGA OF FUTURE
FORMER FLORIDA CONGRESSMAN MATT
GAETZ.
YESTERDAY, WE LEARNED GAETZ WAS
INVOLVED IN MORE WILD HOUSE
PARTIES THAN KID N' PLAY
IN THE '90s.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE REPORTEDLY HAD DRUGS AND SEX
AT THESE PARTIES WHERE WOMEN
WERE GIVEN GIFTS AND MONEY IN
EXCHANGE FOR THEIR
PARTICIPATION.
MUCH OF IT PAID THROUGH VENMO.
"THE DAILY BEAST" GOT THEIR
HANDS ON VENMO TRANSACTIONS FROM
THIS GUY, JOEL GREENBURG, ONE OF
GAETZ'S CLOSEST FRIENDS.
GREENBERG IS COOPERATING WITH
AUTHORITIES, WHICH BAD FOR MATT
GAETZ, PRESUMABLY AS A RESULT OF
MORE THAN 150 PAYMENTS MADE TO
DOZENS OF YOUNG WOMEN.
AT LEAST 16 OF THOSE PAYMENTS
WERE MADE TO A WOMAN WHO LATER
DATED MATT GAETZ.
AND THE NOTES ON THESE VENMO
PAYMENTS ARE RIDICULOUS.
THREE PAYMENT FORTH $500, $500,
$250, LABELED "ICE CREAM."
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND FIVE OTHER PAYMENTS LABELED
"SALAD."
[ LAUGHTER ]
ONE OF THOSE SALADS COST MORE
THAN $1,000, I GUESS THEY ADDED
AVOCADO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
TWO OF THE TRANSACTIONS WERE FOR
"STUFF" AND "OTHER STUFF."
AND LET ME JUST SAY THIS.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT MATT GAETZ
IS IMPLICATED IN DOING STUFF.
BUT "OTHER STUFF"?
THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OF COURSE WE KNOW ABOUT ALL OF
THIS BECAUSE STUPID
JOEL GREENBERG MADE HIS VENMO
TRANSACTIONS PUBLIC.
AS DID MATT GAETZ.
THEY DIDN'T CHECK THE PRIVACY
BOX.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF A
CRIMINAL MASTERMIND?
[ LAUGHTER ]
MEANWHILE, THIS IS THE KIND OF
POLITICAL SCANDAL THEY'VE GOT UP
NORTH.
IN CANADA YESTERDAY, A MEMBER OF
PARLIAMENT, CANADA'S EQUIVALENT
TO OUR HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES,
ACCIDENTALLY EXPOSED HIMSELF ON
AN OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT ZOOM
MEETING.
HIS CAMERA WAS ON, HE DIDN'T
KNOW IT, AND EVERYONE SAW HIS
CANADIAN BACON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THERE HE IS.
THIS IS THE CANADIAN VERSION OF
STORMING THE CAPITOL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OF COURSE HE APOLOGIZED.
OF COURSE, HE APOLOGIZED.
HE'S CANADIAN.
HE WOULD HAVE APOLOGIZED WHETHER
IT HAPPENED OR NOT.
CAN YOU IMAGINE IF THIS HAPPENED
HERE?
IF JERRY NADLER STARTED SWINGING
HIS THING AROUND ON CAMERA?
[ LAUGHTER ]
CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?
>> Guillermo: THEY WOULD PUT HIM
IN JAIL.
>> Jimmy: WELL, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THAT.
>> Guillermo: HM.
>> Jimmy: WHY DID I EVEN TURN TO
YOU?
>> Guillermo: I DON'T KNOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: LET'S GET BACK TO THE
UNITED STATES.
I KNOW THERE'S A LOT GOING ON,
BUT I DON'T WANT TO LOSE SIGHT
OF WHAT THE MYPILLOW GUY IS UP
TO.
STARTING TODAY, MIKE LINDELL IS
OFFERING SPECIAL VIP ACCESS TO
HIS NEW SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM.
HIS NEW ALTERNATIVE TO TWITTER.
BUT IN ORDER TO QUALIFY AS A
VIP, YOU HAVE TO HAVE A CELL
PHONE NUMBER.
AND THAT'S IT.
SO IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
LINDELL SAYS HE SPENT MILLIONS
OF DOLLARS ON THE SITE.
AND YOU CAN SEE FROM THE WEB
DESIGN, IT REALLY SHOWS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
LOOKS LIKE THE WEBSITE FOR A
COMPANY THAT PROVIDES IN‐FLIGHT
WI‐FI FOR DISCOUNT AIRLINES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S CALLED "FRANK."
THE VOICE OF FREE SPEECH.
WITH A BIG RED "F."
JUST LIKE THE REPORT CARDS OF
EVERYONE ON IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU THINK TRUMP WILL JOIN FRANK?
NO.
THEY'RE LIKE, WHO THE HELL IS
FRANK?
WHY ISN'T IT NAMED DONALD?
ON TOP OF FRANK, I MENTIONED
THIS THE OTHER NIGHT.
MIKE LINDELL IS LAUNCHING AN
ONLINE STORE THAT HE HOPES WILL
BE BIGGER THAN AMAZON.
>> HELLO, I'M MIKE LINDELL,
INVENTOR OF MYPILLOW.
FOR YEARS ENTREPRENEURS AND
INVENTORS HAVE CAME TO ME WITH
PRODUCTS AND IDEAS AND THEY
DON'T KNOW HOW TO MARKET THEM,
OR I HAVEN'T HAD THE TIME EVEN
TO SHOW THEM.
AND NOW, TODAY, I AM PROUD TO
ANNOUNCE THIS PLATFORM CALLED
MYSTORE.COM.
I AM GOING TO PUT VETTED
PRODUCTS FROM GREAT
ENTREPRENEURS UP HERE, LIKE YOU
SEE A SAMPLING OF THEM HERE
TODAY, THAT ARE GOING TO CHANGE
THIS COUNTRY.
WE'RE FINALLY GOING TO SEE THESE
GREAT PRODUCTS AND GET THE ‐‐
AND BE ABLE TO, UM, GET THESE
GREAT ENTREPRENEURS, THEIR GREAT
IDEAS, HOW DO YOU, THE PUBLIC.
>> Jimmy: FINALLY, A WAY FOR
BUSINESSES TO SELL THEIR PRODUCT
ON THIS THE INTERNET.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS COULD BE HUGE.
ON MY WAY INTO WORK TODAY, I
FIGURED OUT TODAY WHO THE
MYPILLOW GUY REMINDS ME OF.
THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN SOMETHING.
ONLY PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN L. A.
WILL GET THIS, BUT HE'S THE
MINNESOTA VERSION OF THIS ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE ACCIDENTES.
ONE DAY, I'M GONNA CRASH RIGHT
INTO HIM.
JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT.
OBVIOUSLY I NEED TO KNOW MORE
ABOUT MY STORE.
WE GOT IN CONTACT WITH MIKE
LINDELL, AND THERE HE IS, HE'S
JOINING US NOW.
MIKE LINDELL, EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> SOMEBODY'S IN HERE!
I THOUGHT THEY WERE TOLD THEY
COULD USE THE LAUNDRY ROOM UNTIL
MIDNIGHT?
>> Jimmy: MIKE?
MIKE?
>> WHO THE HELL IS IN MY
MACHINE?
>> Jimmy: NOBODY IS IN MY
MACHINE, IT'S JIMMY KIMMEL.
>> YOU SON OF A BITCH, WHERE ARE
YOU?
>> Jimmy: I'M IN L. A., THANK
YOU, THOUGH.
>> ROSALINDA PLEASE!
RON SAID I HAD THE ROOM FOR
TWENTY MINUTES!
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW WHO RON
IS.
WHERE ARE YOU?
WHAT IS THAT ROOM?
>> I'M AT THE SHIPPING AND
RECEIVING DOCK FOR MY NEW
BUSINESS, MYSTORE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
WELL.
THEN ‐‐ IT LOOKS MORE LIKE A
LAUNDRY ROOM THAN A STORE.
>> IT'S MULTI‐PURPOSE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S ALSO THE LAUNDRY ROOM OF
THE MOTEL 6 I LIVE AT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> LET ME TELL YOU, JIMMY.
IT'S NOT SAFE TO GO BACK TO
MINNESOTA, THE DEEP STATE HAS
THEIR ASSASSINS AFTER ME.
JUST TODAY, I FOUND THIS BULLET
ON MY PILLOW.
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOSH.
>> IT'S A MESSAGE THAT THEY WANT
ME DEAD.
>> Jimmy: WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE ‐‐ THAT'S
A AA BATTERY, I THINK, THAT
YOU'VE GOT THERE.
>> HA, YES, I GUESS IT IS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
>> MUST BE MY WALKING, STOP
WALKING.
>> Jimmy: THAT MUST BE WHY.
MIKE, I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S
TRYING TO KILL YOU.
I FIND THAT HARD TO ‐‐
>> >> COME ON, JIMMY, OPEN YOUR
MIND.
IF I'M NOT BEING HUNTED, WHY
HAVE THE SPENT THE LAST FIVE
MONTHS EATING DING DONGS FROM
VENDING MACHINES?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I DON'T HAVE AN ANSWER
FOR THAT, I DON'T KNOW.
I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT
YOUR NEW BUSINESS VENTURE,
MYSTORE.
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN
COMPETE WITH AMAZON?
>> I'LL TELL YOU.
BECAUSE MYSTORE IS SUPERIOR TO
AMAZON FOR A WHOLE LOT OF
REASONS.
NUMBER ONE, DID YOU KNOW YOU
CAN'T BUY AN INDIVIDUAL PANCAKE
ON AMAZON?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NO, I DIDN'T.
>> HERE, THAT'S THE SOLUTION FOR
YOU.
>> Jimmy: I DID NOT KNOW THAT,
NO.
>> AND NUMBER THREE, AMAZON IS
OWNED BY JEFF CRAZOS AND THE
DEEPSTATE AND WE ARE NO LONGER
SUPPORTING THOSE PRODUCTS!
I RECRUITED PATRIOTIC
ENTREPRENEURS FROM DOG TRACKS
ALL ACROSS THIS GREAT LAND.
AND WE'RE MAKING OUR OWN STUFF!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: LIKE WHAT?
WHAT KIND OF STUFF ARE YOU
MAKING?
>> LIKE SODA POP!
AS YOU KNOW, DONALD TRUMP SAYS
NO MORE COCA‐COLA, SO WE MADE
FREEDOM FIZZ!
>> Jimmy: OH, ALL RIGHT.
>> YOU KNOW WHEN THEY BATHE THE
VETERANS DOWN AT THE V. A.
HOSPITAL?
THEY JUST THROW THE BATHWATER
AWAY?
>> Jimmy: WHAT?
>> THAT GOT US THINKING.
WHAT'S MORE PATRIOTIC THAN A
VETERANS' BATHWATER?
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO WE FILLED UP A CAN, ADDED A
LITTLE SUGAR TO IT, SOME
NICOTINE TO SPICE IT UP, AN
ALKA‐SELTZER TABLET FOR
CARBONATION AND VOILA!
FREEDOM FIZZ!
>> Jimmy: WOW.
THAT IS GENUINELY UPSETTING,
MIKE.
>> YOU'RE MORE OF A COFFEE GUY,
ARE YOU?
>> Jimmy: I GUESS SO.
>> WELL THEN, GRAB YOURSELF A
BAG OF CARBINE BREW!
IT'S 100% PURE TEXAS GUNPOWDER
FROM SHOTGUN SHELLS CONFISCATED
BY THE STATE FISH AND GAME
COMMISSION.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THERE IT IS!
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
OH, WOW.
>> GOD ‐‐ GOOD ‐‐ THAT'S
GOOD‐TASTING!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: DID YOU JUST DRINK HOT
GUNPOWDER?
>> HELL YES, I DID, AND I FEEL
LIKE I COULD CHEW THROUGH A
CHAIN LINK FENCE!
[ LAUGHTER ]
HAVEN'T DONE THAT SINCE THE
FIRST TIME I ESCAPED REHAB BACK
IN '06.
I GUESS THAT'S ANOTHER STORY FOR
ANOTHER TIME.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, YEAH, YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL.
I'D SAY ‐‐ OKAY.
HEY ‐‐
>> YOU WANT TO SEE SOME MORE?
>> Jimmy: YES, I WOULD LOVE TO
SEE MORE.
>> OKAY.
I'M STARTING TO LIKE YOU,
KIMMEL!
YOU'VE GOT ‐‐ YOU'VE GOT ‐‐
>> Jimmy: HEY, ARE YOU EATING
PACKING PEANUTS RIGHT NOW?
>> I SURE AS HELL AM, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: ARE THOSE EVEN EDIBLE?
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW BUT
THEY'VE GOT VITAMIN "P" FOR
PLASTIC.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, YOU'RE GOING TO
SHOW US SOMETHING?
>> LET'S GET BACK ON TRACK.
THIS HERE IS ONE OF OUR BEST
SELLERS FOR HOME DEFENSE.
IT'S A PILLOWCASE FULL OF WASPS!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WASPS?
>> IT LOOKS AND FEELS LIKE AN
ORDINARY MYPILLOW, BUT IF YOU'RE
LYING IN BED AND AN INTRUDER
CLIMBS ON TOP OF YOU AND TRIES
TO PUT HIS BRAUNSCHWEIGER IN
YOUR B‐HOLE, YOU JUST SHAKE IT
UP AND LET 'EM FLY!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WOW.
WELL.
>> WHO THE HELL IS THERE?
ROSALINDA?!
>> Jimmy: WHO IS ROSALINDA?
>> OH, SHE'S A GREAT GAL.
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
DOESN'T SPEAK A LICK OF ENGLISH!
IF YOU CAN MAKE IT, WE'RE
GETTING MARRIED ON TUESDAY.
>> Jimmy: OH, WOW,
CONGRATULATIONS.
I LOVE A TUESDAY WEDDING.
>> I'LL PUT YOU DOWN FOR A PLUS
ONE AND SEND YOU FIVE OF THESE
WASP PILLOWS.
>> Jimmy: THAT ‐‐ WELL ‐‐
>> OW, SON OF A BITCH!
THEY SING.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> YOU'VE GOT TO ALLOW 15 TO 35
WEEKS FOR DELIVERY.
>> Jimmy: PLEASE DON'T MAIL ME
WASPS, MIKE, I DON'T WANT THEM.
>> TOO LATE!
NO CANCELLATIONS!
WE DON'T BELIEVE IN CANCEL
CULTURE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OH ROSALINDA'S GONNA KILL ME,
SHE'S GOTTA WASH MY RABBIT
COSTUME.
I GOT A LITTLE HOT MUSTARD IN
THE SPOT WHERE YOU PULL YOUR
DINGER THROUGH.
I'M COMING, HONEY BUNNY!
THEY'RE TRYING TO CENSOR ME!
>> Jimmy: SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE
REALLY BUSY, MIKE, I'LL LET YOU
GO.
[ SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]
>> Jimmy: OH, WOW.
>> ROSALINDA!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: HOW ABOUT THAT?
>> Guillermo: GOOD JOB, GOOD
JOB.
>> Jimmy: HE'S STARTING TO MAKE
SENSE.
ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A FULL
PROGRAM FOR YOU TONIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
FROM MARVEL'S "THE FALCON AND
THE WINTER SOLDIER," EMILY
VANCAMP IS WITH US.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WE HAVE MUSIC FROM ZO WEES.
AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
ANDERSON COOPER, SO STICK
AROUND!
>> Jimmy: HI, THERE.
WELCOME BACK.
TONIGHT, FROM MARVEL'S "THE
FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER"
ON DISNEY PLUS, EMILY VANCAMP IS
WITH US.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
APPLE MUSIC'S NEXT UP,
HER SONG IS CALLED
"GIRLS LIKE US."
WE HAVE MUSIC FROM ZOE WEES.
NEXT WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS
WITH ELLEN DeGENERES, RIZ AHMED,
ANDRA DAY, BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG,
ERIC ANDRE, GAL GADOT, AND
FORMER PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH,
WITH MUSIC FROM KALEO,
JIMMIE ALLEN, BRAD PAISLEY, AND
MAROON 5.
THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD WEEK, HUH?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A
MULTI‐AWARD‐WINNING JOURNALIST
AND NEWS ANCHOR WITH THE BEST
GIGGLE IN CABLE NEWS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU CAN WATCH HIM FIVE NIGHTS A
WEEK ON CNN AND STARTING MONDAY,
HE STARTS A TWO‐WEEK STINT
HOSTING "JEOPARDY!."
PLEASE SAY HELLO TO
ANDERSON COOPER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HOW'S IT GOING, JIMMY?
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> I'M DOING WELL.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE DOING THE NEWS
RIGHT AFTER WE TALK, RIGHT?
>> YES, THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S WHY
I'M ALL DRESSED UP.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WE'RE WEARING ALMOST
THE SAME THING.
WILL YOU WEAR THAT, OR WILL YOU
SWITCH?
DO YOU SWITCH FROM A COMEDY
OUTFIT TO YOUR NEWS OUTFIT?
>> I'VE BEEN WEARING THIS FOR
THE PAST THREE OR FOUR DAYS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'VE GIVEN UP.
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU COVERING
TONIGHT, WHAT'S THE BIG STORY?
>> OBVIOUSLY THE TRIAL OF DEREK
CHAUVIN.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> FOR KILLING GEORGE FLOYD.
AND, YOU KNOW, WE'LL HAVE SOME
MORE ABOUT WHERE WE ARE IN THIS
PANDEMIC AND A BUNCH OF OTHER
STORIES, PROBABLY.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE HERE IN L. A.
RIGHT NOW?
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: DOWN THE STREET FROM
US.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: THE LAST TIME I SAW
YOU WAS IN MARCH OF LAST YEAR.
>> WHEN ANDY COHEN TRIED TO KILL
US.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WHEN ANDY COHEN TRIED
TO KILL US, I'M GLAD YOU
MENTIONED THAT.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS RIGHT WHEN WE
FIRST HEARD OF THE PANDEMIC.
>> YOU WERE DOING "MILLIONAIRE."
THIS WAS DAYS BEFORE THE ENTIRE
COUNTRY SHUT DOWN.
AND ANDY AND I, FOR REASONS I'M
STILL NOT QUITE CLEAR ON, FLEW
OUT TO LOS ANGELES TO APPEAR
TOGETHER ON "MILLIONAIRE" ON THE
CUSP OF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC.
[ LAUGHTER ]
UNBEKNOWNST TO YOU OR I, ANDY
COHEN WAS ALREADY INFECTED WITH
COVID.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> I FLEW WITH HIM ON A PLANE.
HE HUGGED ME DURING THE SHOW ON
TELEVISION.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE GOT VERY CLOSE TO YOU.
THEN WE FLEW BACK TOGETHER.
>> Jimmy: COHEN‐19.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WERE YOU NERVOUS?
I REMEMBER WHEN HE GOT BACK,
THEN HE TEXTED ME, HE WAS LIKE,
HEY, UM, I TESTED POSITIVE FOR
COVID.
IT WAS LIKE, OH, TERRIFIC,
THAT'S GREAT NEWS.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WERE YOU WORRIED WHEN
YOU GOT THAT NEWS.
>> YEAH.
ESPECIALLY BECAUSE HE HAD JUST
SENT ME A BUNCH OF PHOTOGRAPHS
OF US ON THE PLANE, HIM WITH HIS
ARM AROUND ME, A GLASS OF
ALCOHOL IN HIS HAND.
I'M LIKE ‐‐ WOW.
THEN, OF COURSE, THEN I
REALIZED, OH MY GOD, WAIT A
MINUTE.
HE ACTUALLY HUGGED ME DURING THE
SHOW.
AND THAT'S GOING TO PLAY WEEKS
FROM NOW.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> WE'RE GOING TO LOOK LIKE THE
BIGGEST IDIOTS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> THIS PERSON WHO AT THE TIME
WAS INFECTED WITH COVID JUST
GAVE ME A BIG OLD BEAR HUG.
>> Jimmy: FUNNY YOU MENTIONED
THAT, THAT WAS A THING.
WE DIDN'T REALLY KNOW AT THAT
TIME THIS WAS GOING TO BE A YEAR
OF THIS, WHAT A BIG, OBVIOUSLY,
TERRIBLE DEAL IT WOULD BE.
BUT I ALSO REMEMBER YOUR
CHARITY, AS I RECALL, THE
CHARITY YOU WERE PLAYING FOR ON
"WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE,"
YOU WERE BUYING STYLISH VESTS
FOR DOGS, RIGHT?
ISN'T THAT WHAT IT WAS?
>> NO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SPIKE'S K‐9 FUND, A FORMER NAVY
S.E.A.L. STARTED IT.
IT HELPS POLICE DOGS, MILITARY
DOGS, GET VESTS SO THEY'RE NOT
INJURED IN THE LINE OF DUTY.
>> Jimmy: THEY LOOK SPIFFY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
A VEST BRINGS IT ALL TOGETHER.
IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT SAFETY, IT'S
A LOOK TOO.
>> TRUE.
>> Jimmy: IT'S FUNNY ‐‐ IT'S NOT
FUNNY AT ALL.
BUT TO ANDY AND I IT WAS FUNNY
IN THE MONTHS FOLLOWING.
BECAUSE ALL OF A SUDDEN, NOW
WE'RE ALL FOCUSED ON FRONTLINE
WORKERS, AND YOU KNOW, THESE
PEOPLE WHO ARE HEROICALLY
RISKING THEIR LIVES TO HELP
PEOPLE WHO ARE COMING TO THESE
OVERCROWDED HOSPITALS.
AND THERE YOU ARE PLAYING FOR
VESTS FOR DOGS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YES.
OBVIOUSLY, IN RETROSPECT, THERE
WERE OTHER THINGS I MIGHT HAVE
PLAYED FOR.
THAT IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE.
GUEST HOSTING ON "JEOPARDY!"
COMING UP, I PLAY FOR TWO
DIFFERENT CHARITIES.
AND ALL OF THEM INVOLVE HUMANS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S GOOD.
WELL, THAT MIGHT BE BAD NEWS FOR
DOGS, THEN.
THERE COULD BE A PARVO VIRUS
THAT SWEEPS THE COUNTRY.
>> IT'S A VERY GOOD CHARITY, THE
SPIKE'S K‐9 FUND, BUT I AM
PLAYING FOR HUMANS.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE HOSTING
"JEOPARDY!" FOR CHARITY?
>> GUEST HOSTING "JEOPARDY!" FOR
THE NEXT TWO WEEKS, STARTING
MONDAY, FOR TWO DIFFERENT
CHARITIES, YEAH.
AND AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, I'M A
HUGE "JEOPARDY!" FAN.
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE, YEAH, RIGHT.
YOU WATCHED IT WITH YOUR MOM
GROWING UP, A THING YOU GUYS
DID?
>> IT ACTUALLY WAS, YES.
IT HELPED US AVOID TALKING TO
EACH OTHER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IN WASP FAMILIES IT'S VERY GOOD
TO HAVE SOME TELEVISION IN FRONT
OF YOU.
>> Jimmy: IT'S GOOD IN ALL
FAMILIES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
TELEVISION BRINGS US TOGETHER BY
SETTING US APART.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO THIS SHOW ‐‐ YOU'VE BEEN ON
"JEOPARDY!" ‐‐ HOW MANY TIMES
HAVE YOU BEEN A CONTESTANT?
>> I WAS ‐‐ OKAY, FIRST OF ALL,
I WAS ON LIKE "POWER PLAYERS
JEOPARDY."
I DON'T WANT TO MAKE IT SEEM
LIKE I WAS ON THE HARD‐CORE ‐‐
>> Jimmy: THE REAL CRAZY
TRIVIA‐YEAR‐OLD NERDS, RIGHT.
>> THEY GIVE US THE SPECIAL
QUESTIONS ON THOSE EDITIONS.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> I WAS ON IT FOUR TIMES.
FIRST TIME I CRUSHED IT.
I WAS ‐‐ I PANICKED THE NIGHT
BEFORE, BECAUSE I'D AGREED TO DO
IT WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT IT.
LIKE GOING ON "MILLIONAIRE" WHEN
YOU WERE THERE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> YOU KNOW, THE NIGHT BEFORE, I
WAS ABOUT TO GO ON, OH MY GOD, I
DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT
GEOGRAPHY, I DON'T KNOW WHERE
THE BALTIC SEA OR THE ARABIAN
SEA ‐‐ ALL THESE THINGS RUN
THROUGH YOUR MIND.
I TRIED TO CRAM ONLINE, READ ALL
THESE BUZZER THEORIES BY FORMER
"JEOPARDY!" CHAMPIONS.
IT WAS ABOUT ALEX TREBEK'S
VOICE, GETTING INTO THE CADENCE
OF IT, THE ZEN RHYTHM OF IT.
I CRUSHED IT THE FIRST TIME.
THE SECOND TIME I WAS PLAYING
AGAINST CHEECH MARIN, OH MY GOD,
THIS IS GOING TO BE A CAKEWALK,
I'VE SEEN "CHEECH AND CHONG"
MOVIES.
TURNS OUT HE IS THE SMARTEST
GUY.
>> Jimmy: HE'S VERY SMART,
CHEECH MARIN.
>> HE DESTROYED ME.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO
WALK INTO THE CNN NEWSROOM THE
DAY AFTER CHEECH MARIN HAS
DESTROYED YOU?
[ LAUGHTER ]
WOLF BLITZER GIVING YOU SIDEEYE
AS YOU WALK BY.
>> Jimmy: I HEARD THERE MIGHT BE
A "SITUATION ROOM WITH CHEECH"?
>> COULD BE.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW THAT WHEN I WAS
A CONTESTANT ON "WHO WANTS TO BE
A MILLIONAIRE," I REMEMBER THE
QUESTION I GOT STUMPED ON.
I WONDER IF YOU REMEMBER ANY OF
THE "JEOPARDY!" QUESTIONS YOU
MISSED WHEN YOU WERE A
CONTESTANT?
DO YOU THINK YOU'VE LEARNED
THEM, YOU HAVE THEM?
BECAUSE I HAVE THEM HERE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, REALLY?
>> Jimmy: YOU ONLY MISSED FIVE
QUESTIONS, I THINK, IN FOUR
GAMES.
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
>> REALLY?
WOW, OKAY.
>> Jimmy: LET ME RUN A COUPLE BY
YOU SO YOU CAN GET WARMED UP.
>> I HAVE NO MEMORY OF THEM.
>> Jimmy: THE CATEGORIES IS
"CAPITALS."
MOST OF THE ANCIENT PORTION OF
THIS CITY LIES ON THE EAST BANK
OF THE TIBER RIVER.
>> WHAT IS ROME?
>> Jimmy: WHAT IS ROME IS
CORRECT, THAT'S RIGHT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
YOU GOT IT CORRECT.
>> NOT LAST TIME?
>> Jimmy: YOU SAID BAGHDAD LAST
TIME.
>> OH, YEAH, I WAS NERVOUS.
>> Jimmy: CATEGORY, "DAUGHTERS
OF THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION."
ABIGAIL, KNOWN AS LITTLE ABBY,
WAS THE OLDEST CHILD OF THIS
U.S. PRESIDENT.
>> WHO'S VAN BUREN?
>> Jimmy: NO.
LAST TIME YOU ANSWERED LINCOLN.
THE CORRECT ANSWER IS JOHN
ADAMS.
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL DO ONE MORE,
OKAY?
>> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: CATEGORY IS
"MUSICALS."
THIS 2007 MUSICAL BASED ON A MEL
BROOKS FILM FEATURED SUCH SONGS
AS "THE BRAIN" AND "PUTTING ON
THE RITTS."
>> OH, WHAT IS "YOUNG
FRANKENSTEIN."
HOW COULD I HAVE GOTTEN THAT
WRONG THE LAST TIME?
>> Jimmy: LAST TIME YOU SAID
"FRANKENSTEIN," AND OF COURSE,
YOU KNOW.
ALEX JUMPED IN.
>> IT'S GOT TO BE PHRASED IN THE
FORM OF THE QUESTION.
>> Jimmy: ALSO YOU HAVE TO HAVE
THE "YOUNG" IN THERE.
YOU DID WELL.
I'M GOING TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,
THE "JEOPARDY!" PEOPLE SENT US
THESE QUESTIONS, AND THEY TOLD
ME, IF HE DOESN'T GET AT LEAST
TWO OF THESE RIGHT, HE CAN'T
HOST.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO THIS WILL BE GOOD.
ANDERSON COOPER IS GUEST HOSTING
"JEOPARDY!."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
ANDERSON COOPER!
>> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY
KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT TO YOU
BY CAR MAX.
THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.
>>> RIGHT IN THE NUTS, IT WAS
SPECTACULAR.
>> AND AS AMES GOES TO RETRIEVE
THE TOMAHAWK, CARSON GRABS HIM
BY THE ARM, PULLS HIM BACK.
>> HE JUST MILKS THE LAUGHTER,
HE JUST WAITS.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
JEWISH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT IS THE GREAT
JOHNNY CARSON, OF COURSE.
CNN IS RUNNING A DOCUMENTARY
CALLED "THE STORY OF LATE
NIGHT."
I HAPPENED TO BE A PART OF IT.
YOU ARE NOT A PART OF IT?
>> I'M NOT A PART OF IT, I WISH
I WAS.
>> Jimmy: BILL CARTER PUT THAT
TOGETHER.
IT IS PREMIERING NEXT MONTH ON
MAY 2ED AND I'M LOOKING FORWARD
TO SEEING THAT.
LET'S GET BACK TO YOU.
YOU, AS WE MENTIONED, ARE GUEST
HOSTING "JEOPARDY!" THIS WEEK.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: YOU DODGED DOOM AS A
RESULT OF YOUR FRIEND, ANDY
COHEN, EXPOSING YOU TO THE
CORONAVIRUS, CARELESSLY, ALMOST
KILLING BOTH OF US, TWO NATIONAL
TREASURES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOUR SON IS TURNING 1 YEAR OLD
THIS MONTH, YES?
>> YES.
APRIL 27th.
VERY EXCITING.
>> Jimmy: WILL YOU HAVE A
BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR HIM, FOR YOUR
SON WYATT?
>> YOU KNOW, I GUESS ‐‐ I'M A
REALLY BAD PLANNER, CLEARLY.
SO I HAVEN'T REALLY PLANNED
ANYTHING YET.
BUT YEAH, I THINK I'LL TRY TO DO
SOMETHING.
I FEEL LIKE ‐‐ HE OBVIOUSLY
DOESN'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH THAT.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> I FIGURED THE ONLY THING THAT
REALLY MATTERS IS JUST LIKE
STAGING ‐‐ YOU KNOW HOW THEY
STAGE THE MOON LANDING?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YES, SURE, RIGHT.
>> SO I THINK I'M GOING TO STAGE
THIS.
I'LL GET A CAKE, A PROP CAKE.
PUT ON A HAT.
BALLOONS.
MAYBE HIRE SOME PEOPLE TO STAND
AROUND.
THEN YEARS FROM NOW I CAN SHOW
HIM HE HAD A GREAT 1 BIRTHDAY
PARTY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: SO YOU WILL APPLY THIS
FAKE NEWS CNN PRINCIPLE TO YOUR
OWN SON, ANDERSON COOPER?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH, NO, SERIOUSLY ‐‐ YES, I
WILL PROBABLY GET A COUPLE OF
FRIENDS AND HAVE A PARTY.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU AND ANDY
COHEN, YOU BOTH HAVE KIDS.
AND YOU HANG OUT TOGETHER,
RIGHT?
HOW OFTEN?
>> ANDY COMES OVER WITH HIS SON,
BENJAMIN, EVERY WEEKEND.
USUALLY SUNDAYS.
SATURDAYS.
IT'S FUNNY, HE'S BEEN DOING THIS
FOR, YOU KNOW, REALLY THIS PAST
YEAR.
BUT I'VE STARTED TO REALIZE HE'S
JUST COMING OVER BECAUSE HE'S ‐‐
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO
WITH HIS SON.
LIKE WITH ALL THIS TIME.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> YAWNING CHASMS OF TIME.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> THAT HE'S HAD.
AND SO, LIKE I'LL SAY TO HIM,
LAST TIME HE CALLED UP, HE WAS,
OH, CAN I COME OVER?
I WAS LIKE, YEAH, WHAT DO YOU
WANT TO DO?
HE GOES, I'D LIKE TO DO ABOUT
THREE HOURS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE'S THINKING ABOUT IT IN BLOCKS
OF TIME.
IT'S NOT REALLY ABOUT ‐‐ THERE
WAS ONE TIME I WAS LIKE, I'M NOT
GOING TO BE HERE.
HE'S LIKE, OH, NO, THAT'S FINE,
THAT'S FINE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE JUST NEEDS A PLACE TO GO.
>> Jimmy: AND NOT ONLY THAT,
IT'S EASIER WHEN YOU'VE GOT TWO
KIDS TOGETHER.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: THEY ENTERTAIN EACH
OTHER.
>> SORT OF.
MY SON IS NOT EVEN 1, ANDY'S SON
IS OVER 2.
>> Jimmy: OH, I SEE.
>> SO THAT'S A HUGE GAP IN AGES
AT THAT AGE.
>> Jimmy: OH, SO YOU REALLY HAVE
TO KEEP AN EYE ON ANDY'S SON,
THEN?
>> YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: REALLY?
>> YEAH.
IN FACT, I ‐‐ I SHOULD NOT SAY
THIS.
BUT ‐‐ ANDY'S SON ‐‐ MY SON ‐‐
SOMEBODY GAVE MY SON A BEAR THAT
WAS LIKE ‐‐ TALKED OR CLAPPED.
AND MY SON HADN'T EVEN PLAYED
WITH IT.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, LIKE THERE'S
THIS SMELL IN THE ‐‐ AND SOME
SMOKE.
AND WE REALIZE THAT ANDY'S SON
HAS TAKEN MY SON'S BEAR, PUT IT
IN THE MICROWAVE, AND TURNED IT
ON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE BAKED THE BEAR.
IT WAS IN THERE FOR LIKE 10
SECONDS.
LITERALLY, THERE WAS SMOKE
COMING OUT OF THIS ‐‐
>> Jimmy: SMOKY THE BEAR, OF
COURSE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT MAKES SENSE.
>> YEAH.
KIDS DO THE DARNEDEST THING.
>> Jimmy: KEEP WIAN AWAY FROM
THE COHEN BOY, I DON'T KNOW HOW
MANY TIMES I'VE TOLD YOU.
THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH US.
ANDERSON COOPER ON CNN EVERY
DAY, AND GUEST HOSTING
"JEOPARDY!" WEEKDAYS IN
SYNDICATION.
THANKS A LOT, ANDERSON, TAKE
CARE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WE'LL BE BACK WITH EMILY
VANCAMP!
>> Jimmy: WE'RE BACK.
MUSIC FROM ZOE WEES IS ON THE
WAY.
YOU KNOW OUR NEXT GUEST FROM TWO
CAPTAIN AMERICA MOVIES AND ONE
VERY BIG MARVEL TV SHOW, SHE
PLAYS SHARON CARTER ON "THE
FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER."
NEW EPISODES AIR FRIDAYS ON
DISNEY PLUS.
PLEASE WELCOME EMILY VANCAMP.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HI, EMILY.
>> HI.
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> Jimmy: I'M DOING WELL.
WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?
>> I'M IN ATLANTA AT THE MOMENT.
>> Jimmy: IN ATLANTA.
ARE YOU THERE SHOOTING?
EVERYBODY SHOOTS EVERYTHING IN
ATLANTA.
>> EVERYTHING'S IN ATLANTA, LIKE
A MINI HOLLYWOOD, YES.
I'M HERE FOR A FEW MORE WEEKS.
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU WORKING
ON OUT THERE RIGHT NOW?
>> SO CURRENTLY "THE RESIDENT."
I WAS DOING "FALCON AND THE
WINTER SOLDIER" OUT HERE.
IT'S BEEN MY HOME BASE FOR A
LIT
LITTLE BIT.
>> Jimmy: I SEE.
THE FOX SHOW "THE RESIDENT."
YOU ARE NOT THE RESIDENT, YOU
ARE A NURSE PRACTITIONER ON THAT
SHOW?
>> I AM INDEED, YES.
>> Jimmy: I ASSUME YOU COULD
PROBABLY, YOU KNOW, IF YOU THINK
ABOUT IT ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW IF
YOU'VE BEEN VACCINATED YET.
YOU COULD PROBABLY DRESS UP IN
YOUR COSTUME FROM THE SHOW AND
PRETEND TO BE A HEALTH WORKER,
RIGHT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> SURE.
I COULD.
I DON'T KNOW THAT I'D WANT TO DO
THAT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> I DON'T KNOW THAT, YOU KNOW,
PEOPLE WOULD LIKE ME TO DO THAT.
YEAH, I SUPPOSE.
I'M SURE I COULD PASS OUT SOME
JABS HERE AND THERE, YOU KNOW.
>> Jimmy: YOU FEEL NOW THAT YOU
ARE ‐‐ ARE YOU ABLE, YOU FEEL
LIKE YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO GIVE
SOMEBODY A VACCINATION PROPERLY?
>> LOOK, I'M NOT GOING TO TRY.
BUT I PROBABLY COULD.
>> Jimmy: WHERE WOULD YOU PUT
IT?
WHERE IN YOUR BODY WOULD YOU PUT
IT?
>> I'D GO ARM.
>> Jimmy: ARM, YEAH.
BUT THERE'S A PART OF THE ARM
WHERE IT'S SUPPOSED TO GO.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?
>> RIGHT HERE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, THE
DELTOID.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THANK YOU.
WHY AM I TRUSTING YOU?
YOU DON'T KNOW.
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW.
I GOT IT, SO I KNOW WHERE IT
GOES, AT LEAST THAT'S WHERE THEY
PUT IT IN ME.
YOU ARE ‐‐ YOU PLAY SHARON
CARTER, AGENT 13, FORMER AGENT
OF S. H. I. E. L. D.
THAT'S COOL.
REALLY, IT WOULD BE JUST GREAT
TO BE PART OF THE MARVEL
CINEMATIC UNIVERSE.
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE POWERS.
AT LEAST NOT YET.
IS THAT KIND OF A BUMMER WHEN
YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WITH
POWERS?
>> I MEAN, LOOK, THAT'S PART OF
WHO I SIGNED UP TO PLAY.
SHARON DOESN'T HAVE POWERS.
I MEAN, IT'S GREAT UNTIL IT
COMES TO THE FIGHT SEQUENCES,
YOU KNOW.
AND THEN, YOU KNW ‐‐ AND THEN
THEY START STRIPPING AWAY THEIR
WEAPONS, SO YOU KNOW, I DON'T
HAVE, YOU KNOW, A SHIELD OR A,
YOU KNOW, STEEL ARM OR, YOU
KNOW, I CAN'T FLY.
SO IT WAS INTERESTING.
AS WE WERE DOING AND LEARNING
THESE FIGHT SEQUENCES, THEY
WANTED LESS AND LESS WEAPONS.
SO IT JUST BECAME A LOT OF, YOU
KNOW, BLOODY HAND ON HAND
COMBAT.
>> Jimmy: AND YOU PICKING UP A
SHOE AND HITTING SOMEBODY WITH
IT.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
I THINK IN THIS CIRCUMSTANCE IT
WAS A POLE THAT SHE FINDS AT
THIS SHIPYARD.
SO, YOU KNOW, LOTS AND LOTS OF
BRUISES.
LOTS OF BLOODY KNUCKLES.
BUT IT WAS ALL GOOD FUN.
>> Jimmy: YOU GET REAL BRUISES
AND BLOODY KNUCKLES?
OR MADE‐UP BRUISES AND BLOODY
KNUCKLES?
>> NO, THEY WERE REAL.
ONE OF THE FIRST TAKES I
BLOODIED MY KNUCKLES.
WE HADN'T ANTICIPATED THE GRAVEL
ON THE GROUND IT WASN'T ANYONE'S
FAULT BUT ‐‐
>> Jimmy: IT WAS SOMEONE'S
FAULT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THERE'S NO SURPRISE GRAVEL.
GRAVEL IS GRAVEL.
>> JUST ‐‐ IT WAS LIKE HAND
POSITIONING.
BUT ANYWAY, YEAH.
I REMEMBER I WAS LIKE SENDING
PHOTOS OF MY BLOODY KNUCKLES TO
MY FAMILY.
THEY'RE JUST SO USED TO THIS
STUFF NOW.
I THINK IT JUST, YOU KNOW, GOT
LOST IN THE MIX OF BABY PHOTOS
AND NIECES AND NEPHEWS.
NO ONE COMMENTED ON IT.
>> Jimmy: IS THAT RIGHT?
>> ANOTHER DAY AT WORK FOR
EMILY.
>> Jimmy: YOU TEXTED YOUR
RELATIVES, LOOK AT HOW BLOODY MY
HAND IS.
EVERYBODY IS LIKE, WHO CARES?
LOOK AT CHRISTINA.
>> YEAH LOOK AT THE KIDS.
JUST ANOTHER DAY AT WORK.
THEY KNOW THAT I'M ‐‐ THEY'RE
USED TO THIS STUFF, IT'S GREAT.
>> Jimmy: THEY MUST BE.
YOU NEED TO RATTLE THEIR CAGES.
>> THEY'RE ASKING ME TO GIVE
THEM THEIR SHOTS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, RIGHT.
>> LIKE, WHAT CAN WE GET OUT OF
THIS?
>> Jimmy: WHATEVER THEY WANT,
DON'T DO IT.
YOUR FAMILY LIVES IN CANADA,
WHAT PART OF CANADA?
>> FROM NEAR TORONTO.
>> Jimmy: NEAR TORONTO.
WELL, WE'VE DONE THIS A COUPLE
TIMES BEFORE.
I ALWAYS LOVE IT.
I HAVE A LOT OF CANADIAN
FRIENDS.
AND MY FRIENDS, AT LEAST, I
DON'T KNOW IF WE CAN EXTEND THIS
TO EVERYONE THERE, ARE VERY
PROUD OF CANADIAN ACHIEVEMENTS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
>> YES, WE ARE.
>> Jimmy: WOULD YOU CONSIDER
YOURSELF TO BE ONE OF THOSE
PEOPLE?
>> DEFINITELY.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
>> YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN LIVING IN
THE UNITED STATES FOR A VERY
LONG TIME.
SO, YOU KNOW, I TRY TO HOLD ON
TO ‐‐
>> Jimmy: ME TOO, SAME HERE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I HAVE A LIST OF ITEMS.
I WOULD LIKE YOU TO TELL ME IF
THEY ORIGINATED IN YOUR NATIVE
COUNTRY.
IT'S TIME TO PLAY "IS IT
CANADIAN?"
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I'M GOING TO BEGIN WITH A
MARVEL‐RELATED QUESTION.
IS WOLVERINE CANADIAN?
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: OH, THAT IS INCORRECT.
WOLVERINE IS CANADIAN.
>> WOW.
>> Jimmy: IN FACT ‐‐
>> HOCKEY STICKS AND EVERYTHING.
>> Jimmy: HE WAS BILLED AS THE
FIRST CANADIAN SUPERHERO BY
MARVEL.
AND A MEMBER OF THE X‐MEN.
WITH THIS ONE. CAN DO BETTER ‐
>> SORRY, I'M TERRIBLE.
>> Jimmy: THE WONDERBRA.
IS THE WONDERBRA A CANADIAN
PRODUCT?
>> THAT'S SO RANDOM.
>> Jimmy: YES, IT IS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I WILL SAY ‐‐ NO.
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE INCORRECT
AGAIN.
>> OKAY, NOW I'M JUST GOING TO
SAY YES TO EVERYTHING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS CRAZY.
ALL RIGHT, I'M LEARNING
SOMETHING.
>> Jimmy: THE WONDERBRA WAS
DEVELOPED BY A COMPANY CALLED
THE CANADIAN LADY CORSET
COMPANY.
ALL RIGHT, NEXT.
ICE HOCKEY.
YOUR NATIONAL PASSION.
IS ICE HOCKEY CANADIAN?
>> I'M PRETTY SURE I KNOW THAT
IT DID NOT ORIGINATE IN CANADA.
SO MANY PEOPLE SAY ‐‐ I LIKE TO
BELIEVE IT DID, BUT ANYWAY.
YOU TELL ME WHAT YOUR OFFICIAL
ANSWER IS.
>> YOU TELL ME WHAT YOUR
OFFICIAL ANSWER IS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> IT'S ‐‐ I ‐‐ I'LL SAY IT
DIDN'T ORIGINATE IN CANADA.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS CORRECT, IT
DID NOT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
IT ORIGINATED IN ENGLAND.
>> IT PAINS ME TO SAY IT.
>> Jimmy: ACCORDING TO WHAT WE
ARE TOLD.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT'S TERRIBLE
ABOUT THAT, MY HUSBAND IS
ENGLISH.
>> Jimmy: WELL.
NOT FOR HIM.
>> TRYING TO CLAIM IT BUT HE
CAN'T.
>> Jimmy: IT'S NOT BAD FOR HIM,
H CAN CLAIM IT NOW, IT'S HIS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
TWO MORE QUESTIONS.
THE BOARD GAME TRIVIAL PURSUIT,
IS IT CANADIAN?
>> OH.
YES.
>> Jimmy: YES IS THE CORRECT
ANSWER, IT IS.
[ APPLAUSE ]
1979, TWO CANADIAN JOURNALISTS
KEPT LOSING THEIR SCRABBLE PILES
AND THAT LED HEM TO INVENT A
GAME CALLED TRIVIAL PURSUIT.
I DON'T KNOW HOW ONE LED TO THE
OTHER.
>> THAT'S VERY CANADIAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
PROBABLY WHILE DRINKING BEER,
AND YOU KNOW.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS SOMETHING YOU
SHOULD DEFINITELY KNOW.
VAN CAMP'S BAKED BEANS, ARE THEY
CANADIAN?
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: THEY ARE NOT CANADIAN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THEY ARE AN AMERICAN PRODUCT.
SO CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU DID PRETTY WELL THERE.
I THINK YOU GOT MORE RIGHT THAN
WRONG.
SO CONGRATULATIONS.
AND THANKS FOR PLAYING "IS IT
CANADIAN?"
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
WE COVERED A LOT HERE, EMILY.
NEW EPISODES OF "THE FALCON AND
THE WINTER SOLDIER" ARE FRIDAYS
ON DISNEY PLUS.
EMILY VANCAMP, EVERYONE, THANKS,
EMILY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
BE BACK WITH ZOE WEES!
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOT.
>> Jimmy: HELLO AGAIN.
MUSIC FROM ZOE WEES IS MERE
MOMENTS AWAY.
GUILLERMO, WHY ARE YOU DRESSED
LIKE THAT?
>> Guillermo: BECAUSE I'M A
MOVIE STAR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE?
>> Guillermo: YES, I ARE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
ROLL THE TAPE!
>> WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE
ULTIMATE TEST DRIVE MEETS THE
ULTIMATE TEST DRIVER?
>> Guillermo: THAT'S ME.
I AM THE ULTIMATE TEST DRIVER.
>> CARMAX PRESENTS THE 24‐HOUR
TEST DRIVE.
>> Guillermo: AND I'M GOING TO
USE EVERY MINUTE.
>> ACTION!
>> Guillermo: TIME TO LEARN ALL
THE SEAT POSITIONS.
WHEE!
>> ADVENTURE.
>> Guillermo: HELLO,
INFOTAINMENT SYSTEM, LET'S
FIGURE OUT HOW YOU TICK.
>> GROWING.
>> Guillermo: SO MANY CUP
HOLDERS, AND TODAY IS THE DAY
I'M GOING TO TRY ALL OF THEM.
>> AND TIME IS NOT RUNNING OUT!
>> Guillermo: HOW LONG DO I HAVE
LEFT?
>> JUST LIKE WE SAID, IT'S 24
HOURS.
WE WANT YOU TO BE COMPLETELY
CONFIDENT YOU FOUND THE RIGHT
CAR.
>> Guillermo: COOL, I HAVE TIME
TO VISIT MY COUSIN RICKY IN
RANCHO CUCAMONGA.
I'M GOING TO SHOW HIM MY NEW
TATTOO.
LET'S RIDE!
>> THE 24‐HOUR TEST DRIVE NOW
SHOWING AT CARMAX.
>> Guillermo: THAT'S LIKE A
WHOLE DAY!
>> IT IS A WHOLE DAY.
CAR MAX, THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK
ANDERSON COOPER, EMILY VANCAMP
AND JAMES ADOMIAN.
AKA MIKE LINDELL.
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON.
WE RAN OUT OF TIME FOR HIM.
"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT, BUT FIRST,
WE HAVE MUSIC ALL THE WAY FROM
GERMANY.
WITH THE SONG "GIRLS LIKE US,"
ZOE WEES!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪ IT'S HARD FOR
GIRLS LIKE US
WE DON'T KNOW
WHO WE TRUST ♪
♪ NOT EVEN THE
ONES WE LOVE
CAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ STUCK HERE
STUCK HERE IN THESE WATERS
SO SICK TO MY STOMACH
IS ANYBODY THERE ♪
♪ RED LIGHTS
RED LIGHTS IN THE DARKNESS
EVERYONE'S SO HEARTLESS
DOES ANYBODY CARE ♪
♪ IT'S SO HARD TO EXPLAIN
WITH YOUR HEART IN A CAGE
ONLY WHISPER BUT
YOU WANNA SHOU ♪
♪ CAUSE THE SECOND YOU WAKE
TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO TAKE
EVERY PART OF YOU
WANTS TO CRY OUT ♪
♪ IT'S HARD FOR
GIRLS LIKE US
WE DON'T KNOW
WHO WE TRUST ♪
♪ NOT EVEN THE
ONES WE LOVE
CAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ TRY TO NUMB THIS PAIN
CAUSE WE DON'T
WANNA GET HURT AGAIN ♪
♪ LEFT ALONE OUT
IN THE RAIN
THEY DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ MIRROR
MIRROR ON THE WALL
I DON'T SEE BEAUTIFUL
STARING BACK AT ME ♪
♪ WATCHING, WATCHING
MY HEART BLEED OUT
TRYING NOT TO FREAK OUT ♪
♪ IT'S HARD FOR
GIRLS LIKE US
WE DON'T KNOW
WHO WE TRUST ♪
♪ NOT EVEN THE
ONES WE LOVE
CAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ TRY TO NUMB THIS PAIN
CAUSE WE DON'T
WANNA GET HURT AGAIN ♪
♪ LEFT ALONE OUT
IN THE RAIN
THEY DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ IT'S HARD FOR US
FOR GIRLS LIKE US
GIRLS LIKE US
THEY DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ IT'S HARD FOR US
FOR GIRLS LIKE US
GIRLS LIKE US
THEY DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ SO OOH
AND THE WORST PART IS
WHEN THEY SMILE LIKE THIS
AND IT HITS ME HARD ♪
♪ HITS ME HARD
♪ TRY TO PLAY IT COOL
BUT INSIDE I'M BRUISED
AND IT BREAKS MY HEART
BREAKS MY HEART ♪
♪ IT'S HARD FOR ALL OF US
WE DON'T KNOW
WHO WE TRUST
NOT EVEN THE ONES WE LOVE ♪
♪ THEY DON'T KNOW
TRY TO NUMB THIS PAIN
CAUSE WE DON'T
WANNA GET HURT AGAIN ♪
♪ LEFT ALONE OUT
IN THE RAIN
THEY DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ IT'S HARD FOR US
FOR GIRLS LIKE US
GIRLS LIKE US
GIRLS LIKE US ♪
♪ THEY DON'T KNOW
IT'S HARD FOR US
FOR GIRLS LIKE US
GIRLS LIKE US ♪
♪ GIRLS LIKE US
THEY DON'T KNOW ♪