>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!"
TONIGHT -- JENNIFER CONNELLY.
KEVIN GARNETT AND MUSIC FROM TOBE NWIGWE.
AND NOW JIMMY KIMMEL! >> Jimmy: HELLO, I'M JIMMY.
I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.
EVERYBODY GOOD? EVERYBODY ALL RIGHT?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I'M EXHAUSTED ALREADY.
[ LAUGHTER ] THIS MORNING, MY SON, WHO IS
3 YEARS OLD, WOKE UP AS HE USUALLY DOES, WHEN THE MOON
COMES OUT. [ LAUGHTER ]
HE GETS UP EARLY. I GO IN HIS ROOM, HE SAYS, "I
WANTED MOMMY." GREAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] SO I ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTS FOR
BREAKFAST. HE SAYS, "PANCAKES."
WE GO DOWNSTAIRS, AND WE ARE OUT OF THE PANCAKE MIX WE USUALLY
HAVE. SO I FIND THIS BAG OF PROTEIN
PANCAKES IN THE BACK OF THE CABINET.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND IT LOOKS OKAY.
THE INGREDIENTS ARE A LITTLE WEIRD.
THEY TELL YOU TO ADD FLAXSEED. AND I KNOW HOW THAT'LL GO OVER.
I CUT OUT THE FLAXSEED. I'M MIXING IT.
AS I'M WHISKING THE BATTER, I KNOW THESE PANCAKES ARE GOING TO
BE REJECTED. [ LAUGHTER ]
I KNOW THAT WHEN I PUT THEM ON THE TABLE THERE'S GONNA BE A
FIGHT. BUT I'M AN OPTIMIST.
SO I KEEP MIXING. I HEAT UP THE GRIDDLE.
I MAKE THE PANCAKE. IT LOOKS GOOD.
LOOKS LIKE A REGULAR PANCAKE. I POUR ON THE SYRUP.
I CUT IT UP, PUT IT ON THE TABLE.
I GET MY SON IN HIS SEAT. HE TAKES ONE BITE AND GOES,
"THESE DON'T TASTE GOOD." [ LAUGHTER ]
AND ALREADY I KNOW THIS IS NOT A BATTLE I'M GONNA WIN, BUT I'M IN
IT. SO I SAY, "EAT IT, IT'S GOOD."
EVEN THOUGH THAT STRATEGY HAS NEVER WORKED FOR ME BEFORE.
HE WON'T EAT THE PANCAKE. AND THEN HIS SISTER COMES DOWN.
SHE'S 6, AND SHE EATS NOTHING. SHE EATS FOUR THINGS.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND IF YOU VARY EVEN SLIGHTLY
FROM THOSE FOUR EXACT THINGS -- FORGET ABOUT IT.
SHE WON'T EAT. SO BILLY NOW, AS JANE SITS DOWN,
TELLS HER THE PANCAKES ARE NO GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND NOW JANE, WHO FIVE SECONDS
EARLIER TOLD ME SHE'S STARVING, WON'T EVEN TRY THEM.
SO I DEMAND THAT SHE AT LEAST TRY THEM.
I COUNT TO THREE. [ LAUGHTER ]
WHICH I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN AT THE END OF
THREE. I REALLY WANT TO SET SOMETHING
UP WHERE I COUNT TO THREE AND AT THE END OF THREE LIGHTNING
STRIKES. [ LAUGHTER ]
SETS FIRE TO THEIR PLAY HOUSE OR SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW? JUST ONCE I WANT TO SEE
SOMETHING HAPPEN SO THEY FEAR THE COUNT OF THREE.
MAYBE ONE OF THEIR STUFFED ANIMALS DIES AT THREE.
SO I GET TO THREE, AND SHE WILL NOT EAT.
NEITHER OF THEM WILL EAT. SO I DO WHAT THEY TELL YOU TO DO
IN THE BOOKS. WE HAVE A LOT OF THESE PARENTING
BOOKS. I START YELLING.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
I YELL. I YELL, "THIS IS NOT A
RESTAURANT!" "YOU ASKED FOR PANCAKES, YOU EAT
WHAT I MAKE YOU!" "WHEN I WAS A KID, WE DIDN'T GET
A CHOICE OF WHAT WE WANTED TO EAT, WE GOT WHATEVER THE DOG
LEFT IN THE BOWL!" SOMETHING LIKE THAT, THE WHOLE
THING. AND NOW JANE STARTS CRYING,
"IT'S NOT FAIR, I DON'T WANT THIS!"
AND BILLY JUST SITS THERE, ENJOYING THE MAYHEM THAT HE
STARTED. [ LAUGHTER ]
HE'S HAPPY. AND SO I SAY, "YOU KNOW WHAT?
FINE, YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY BREAKFAST AT ALL."
AND THEY GO NUTS. "I'M HUNGRY!"
THEY'RE CRYING. I'M, "TOO BAD, YOU EAT WHAT I
MAKE YOU!" AND I MARCH UPSTAIRS.
BUT ONCE I GET UPSTAIRS, I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO BECAUSE MY WIFE IS
ASLEEP IN THE BEDROOM, I CAN'T GO IN THERE.
I'M NOT GOING TO SIT IN THEIR ROOMS.
SO I SIT ON THE LANDING AND I CAN HEAR THEM NOW TALKING ABOUT
HOW MEAN I AM. [ LAUGHTER ]
"DADDY'S MEAN." AND JANE'S LIKE, "I JUST WANT TO
BE TREATED NICELY." [ LAUGHTER ]
AND I TRY TO HOLD OUT. I JUST STAY THERE.
BUT THEN I HEAR HER IN THE CABINET GOING FOR THE CEREAL.
AND I MARCH BACK DOWN AND SAY, "PUT THAT CEREAL AWAY!
EAT THOSE PANCAKES!" AND SHE CRIES SOME MORE, AND
ULTIMATELY I WIND UP SPREADING NUTELLA, WHICH IS BASICALLY
CHOCOLATE, ON THEIR PANCAKES SO THEY'LL EAT THEM.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY ATE THE PANCAKES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SO DID I WIN?
NOT EXACTLY. BUT FOR ONCE, I DIDN'T LOSE.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN MY WIFE COMES DOWN,
UNAWARE OF THE WAR THAT HAS JUST BEEN FOUGHT.
I MAKE HER A PANCAKE. SHE TAKES A BITE AND SAYS, "THIS
PANCAKE TASTES WEIRD." [ LAUGHTER ]
DOWN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL THEY GO.
"ALEXA, ORDER BISQUICK." [ LAUGHTER ]
HAVE YOU SIGN THE NEW ALEXA THING?
THE AMAZON ECHO SHOW 10 PROMISES TO BE THEIR CREEPIEST ALEXA YET.
WHAT MAKES THIS ECHO DIFFERENT IS IT FOLLOWS YOU AROUND THE
ROOM. THE SCREEN IS ON A LITTLE ARM
SO WHEREVER YOU GO, THE CAMERA GOES.
THIS IS HOW IT STARTS. FIRST THEY LISTEN TO US, THEN
THINK WATCH US, THEN THEY FOLLOW US.
AND THEN THEY SMOTHER US UNDER A MOUNTAIN OF TUBE SOCKS.
[ LAUGHTER ] I HAVE TWO SMALL KIDS AT HOME, I
DON'T NEED ANOTHER THING FOLLOWING ME AROUND TILL TELLING
ME TO BUY STUFF. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> THE UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE HAS NEW TECHNOLOGY.
THE USPS IS GETTING A FLEET OF HIGH-TECH DELIVERY TRUCKS.
HERE IT IS. THE NEW TRUCK.
THEY ASKED THE DESIGNERS TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING THAT LOOKS
UNREMARKABLE, YET VAGUELY UNSETTLING.
[ LAUGHTER ] I THINK THEY SUCCEEDED.
THIS IS ANOTHER ANGLE. THEY'VE ALREADY SPENT
$482 MILLION ON TESTING AND DESIGN.
WASN'T THE POST OFFICE BANKRUPT LIKE FOUR MONTHS AGO?
[ LAUGHTER ] NOW THEY'RE BUYING NEW CARS?
IT'S LIKE A BAD BROTHER-IN-LAW OR SOMETHING.
MY POOR MAIL CARRIERS. THEY'RE DROPPING OFF PACKAGES AT
MIDNIGHT. ONE OF THEM, MY MAILMAN?
THE GUY WHO COMES TO MY HOUSE? YOU KNOW HOW MY HOUSE IS UP ON
THE HILL? >> Guillermo: YEAH.
>> Jimmy: HE RIDES A DOG UP THE STREET.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Guillermo: WOW.
>> Jimmy: TRUE. [ LAUGHTER ]
SPEAKING OF DOGS. IN OKLAHOMA, LAST WEEK, A PUPPY
WAS BORN WITH AN EXTRA PAIR OF LEGS.
SHE HAS SIX LEGS. HER NAME IS "SKIPPER."
VERY CUTE. SKIPPER'S A MIXED BREED.
HER FATHER WAS A COLLIE, AND HER MOTHER WAS A CENTIPEDE.
[ LAUGHTER ] THEY'RE SAYING IT'S A MIRACLE
THAT SKIPPER SURVIVED. THE VET SAID THEY HAVEN'T SEEN
ANYTHING LIKE THIS SINCE A FLY GOT INTO THAT MACHINE WITH
JEFF GOLDBLUM. [ LAUGHTER ]
SKIPPER IS BIG NEWS IN OKLAHOMA. AND LEGS AREN'T THE ONLY EXTRA
PARTS SHE HAS. >> WEIGHING ONLY 11 OUNCES, BUT
SHE HAS SIX LEGS AND TWO TAILS. APPARENTLY, IN ADDITION TO TWO
T TAILS, SHE HAS TWO BOOTIES IF
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. DOUBLE THE DROPPINGS.
>> Jimmy: HA HA HA! THE HOLLOW LAUGHTER OF A
WEIRDED-OUT WEATHERMAN. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO ANYWAY, LOOK OUT, MAILMEN. THOSE NEW TRUCKS HAD BETTER BE
QUICK. THE WORLD'S FASTEST DOG IS
COMIN' FOR YOU! [ LAUGHTER ]
OBEDIENCE SCHOOL SEEMS TO BE WORKING WELL FOR MIKE PENCE, WHO
HAS APPARENTLY PATCHED THINGS UP WITH HIS FORMER OWNER.
DONALD TRUMP. PENCE TOLD A GROUP OF LAWMAKERS
YESTERDAY THAT HE AND TRUMP HAVE A "CLOSE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP."
RIGHT. JUST LIKE O.J. AND NICOLE.
[ LAUGHTER ] I BELIEVE MIKE PENCE HAS SPENT
THE LAST MONTH DOING A LITTLE SOMETHING CALLED "WEIGHING HIS
OPTIONS." AND FOUND THAT IT WOULD BE
BETTER TO BE FRIENDS WITH DONALD TRUMP.
YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE FUN? IF I WERE DONALD TRUMP, I'D
ANNOUNCE THAT I NEED A KIDNEY. AND I'D MAKE ALL OF THESE
GUYS -- LINDSEY GRAHAM, RUDY, MIKE PENCE -- I'D MAKE THEM ALL
GIVE ME ONE KIDNEY TO CHOOSE WHICH ONE I LIKE BEST.
AND THEN I'D BRING THEM TO MAR-A-LAGO AND SAY, "JUST
KIDDING. I'M GONNA PUT YOUR KIDNEYS IN MY
TROPHY CASE. NEXT TO YOUR BALLS."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] TRUMP IS VERY ANXIOUS TO GET
BACK ON SOCIAL MEDIA. HE IS CURRENTLY AWAITING THE
RESULTS OF HIS APPEAL TO THE FACEBOOK OVERSIGHT BOARD.
WHICH HAS THE POWER TO OVERTURN HIS SUSPENSION FOR LIFE.
I GET ENDLESS DELIGHT FROM THE FACT THAT A FORMER PRESIDENT IS
BEGGING TO GET BACK ON THE WEBSITE WHERE YOUR AUNT POSTS
PICTURES OF DUCKS SHE SAW AT THE PARK.
[ LAUGHTER ] IF THEY PUT HIM BACK ON, WE
SHOULD ALL GET OFF. WE SHOULD JUST ALL GET RIGHT
OFF. TURN FACEBOOK INTO A BLOCKBUSTER
VIDEO STORE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
WE ARE FAST APPROACHING A FULL YEAR OF LOCKDOWN LIFE.
SO MUCH HAS CHANGED OVER THE PAST TWELVE MONTHS.
WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO TAKE A LOOK BACK AT WHAT WAS
GOING ON ONE YEAR AGO IN THE THIS WEEK IN THE FIRST
INSTALLMENT OF "THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY."
>> THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY, IT'S THE END OF FEBRUARY IN
ROARING 2020. MOVIE THEATERS ARE PACKED WITH
"SONIC THE HEDGEHOG" FEVER. PRESIDENTIAL PETE BOUG HAS TAKEN
THE COUNTRY BY STORM. AMERICA REMAINS SAFE FROM THE
MYSTERIOUS VIRUS FROM WUHAN, BUT DON'T TELL DR. BUZZKILL.
>> YOU REALLY HAVE THE MAKINGS OF A PANDEMIC.
>> STUFF IT, EGGHEAD. PRESIDENT TRUMP CONGRATULATES
HIMSELF ON HIS HANDLING OF THE VIRUS IN A HISTORIC SUMMIT.
>> WE'VE DONE AN INCREDIBLE JOB, IT'S GOING TO DISAPPEAR, LIKE A
MIRACLE IT'S GOING TO DISAPPEAR. >> HALLELUJAH, SAYS VICE
PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE, HEAD OF THE TASK FORCE.
>> WHILE THE RISK TO THE AMERICAN PUBLIC REMAINS LOW,
WE'RE READY. >> THE RISK IS LOW AND AMERICA
IS READY. ANY OTHER PREDICTIONS?
>> MY FATHER IS GOING TO WIN BIT LATEST LANDSLIDE IN THE HISTORY
OF THIS COUNTRY, THAT'S MY PREDICTION.
>> THIS HAS BEEN "THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: ONLY THE BEST PEOPLE,
RIGHT? TEAM BIDEN RIGHT NOW IS
SWITCHING UP THE VOCABULARY THAT COMES OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE.
THE BIDEN WHITE HOUSE HAS REINSTATED THE PHRASE "CLIMATE
CHANGE." WHICH HAD BEEN ELIMINATED FROM
OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT MATERIALS AND THEY'RE REMOVING THE TERM
"ILLEGAL ALIEN." THE TERM THEY WILL NOW USE IS
"NONCITIZEN." WHICH ISN'T ENTIRELY ACCURATE.
EVERYONE IS A CITIZEN OF SOMEPLACE.
BUT IT MAKES SENSE. "PEOPLE" AREN'T "ILLEGAL."
AND THAT'S JUST PART OF A LONG LIST OF WORDS AND PHRASES THEY
HAVE PUT TO REST. IN ADDITION TO ILLEGAL ALIEN
THEY WILL NO LONGER USE THE TERMS --
FAKE NEWS. CHINA VIRUS.
PERFECT CALL. LOCK HER UP.
EXTRA CRISPY. CRAZY NANCY.
MY STUPID SON ERIC. MY STUPID SON DON.
TELL ERIC I'M NOT HERE. TELL DON I DIED.
WHERE'S HUNTER? BIGLY.
FRANKLY. HAMBERDERS.
PUT JARED ON IT. BRING ME MY SHARPIE.
GET ME MY HAIR CEMENT. COVFEFE.
TIM APPLE. HOW HOT IS MY DAUGHTER?
"ONE OF THE WETTEST WE'VE SEEN FROM THE STANDPOINT OF WATER."
VERY FINE PEOPLE. "HATERS AND LOSERS."
BIG, BEAUTIFUL WALL. BING BONG BING BONG.
EVERYONE IS SAYING. AND --
GET LOU DOBBS ON THE PHONE. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] BABY STEPS.
BUT PROGRESS IS BEING MADE. THIS IS AN HISTORIC
ADMINISTRATION FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS.
KAMALA HARRIS IS THE FIRST FEMALE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES. WHICH MEANS THAT FOR THE FIRST
TIME EVER WE HAVE A SECOND GENTLEMAN.
DOUG EMHOFF, KAMALA'S HUSBAND, HAS KEPT A LOW PROFILE.
AND I WONDER, AS WE ARE ALL FOCUSED ON HOW MANY BACHELORS
ARE LEFT, HOW MANY OF US WHO LIVE IN THIS COUNTRY WOULD BE
ABLE TO IDENTIFY THE VICE PRESIDENT'S SPOUSE.
SO WE SENT A CAMERA TO THE THIRD STREET FARMER'S MARKET WITH A
PHOTO OF DOUG EMHOFF, AND WE ASKED FOLKS PASSING BY, "WHO IS
THIS?" >> WHO'S THIS GUY?
>> THAT'S MY QUESTION TO FOR YOU, DO YOU KNOW?
>> NO. >> DOES HE LOOK LIKE ANYONE IN
PARTICULAR? >> LIKE HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN ON A
TV SHOW? >> LIKE WHAT?
>> MAYBE "SEINFELD" OR SOMETHING.
>> UH-UH. >> TV HOST?
>> ACTOR. >> SCIENCE?
SCIENCE TEACHER? >> A SOCCER DAD, LIKE HIS NAME
IS GEORGE, LOOKS BASIC. >> WHO DOES HE LOOK LIKE?
>> BIG BIRD, A LITTLE BIT. IN A MANLY WAY.
>> EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> A VERY CLEAN COMEDIAN. >> VINCE VAUGHN IMPERSONATOR.
>> LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE WHO WOULD COME OUT IN WWE, LIKE A REUNION
OF SOME SORT. >> PROBABLY SOME NETFLIX SHOW.
>> YEAH. >> FROM THE '90s THAT'S COMING
BACK, AND HE'S OLD NOW. >> HIS NAME BEGINS WITH A "D."
>> DAN. >> CLOSE, NO.
>> DAVID? >> NO.
>> DMITRI? >> NO.
>> DAVID? >> NO.
>> DANIEL? >> NO.
>> DEREK? >> NO.
>> DYLAN. >> NO.
D-O. >> DONALD.
>> GOD NO. >> DOESN'T RING A BELL.
>> IF I TOLD YOU HIS NAME WAS DOUG, WOULD THAT RING A BELL?
>> DOUG PETERS. IS THAT DOUG JONES?
>> THE ONLY DOUG I KNOW IS DOUGIE FRESH?
>> THAT'S NOT DOUGIE FRESH, JUST SAYING.
>> I KNOW. >> ANY GUESS?
>> THE ONE THAT WENT TO PRISON FOR ALL THOSE RAPES?
>> WHO WOULD THAT BE? >> I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HE
LOOK KIND OF LIKE HIM. >> YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT HARVEY
WEINSTEIN? >> HARVEY WEINSTEIN!
IT'S HARVEY WEINSTEIN. >> WHAT IF I TOLD YOU HIS NAME
WAS DOUG EMHOFF, DOES THAT RING A BELL?
>> NO. DAVID HASSELHOFF.
>> DIFFERENT HOFF. >> ANY IDEA WHO THE WOMAN ON THE
LEFT IS? >> KARDASHIAN?
NO, DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A KARDASHIAN.
>> WHICH KARDASHIAN? >> I DON'T KNOW THE KARDASHIANS.
>> YOU HAVE A VAGUE IDEA THAT THEY'RE AROUND?
>> SHE LOOKS TANSY. >> DID YOU FIGURE OUT THE HINT
IN THE BACKGROUND? >> IT SAYS BIDEN.
SO SOMETHING -- BIDEN. >> IT'S HUNTER BIDEN.
>> OH, OKAY. OKAY.
YES, IT'S NOT JAOE BIDEN. I KNOW WHAT JOE BIDEN LOOKS
LIKE. >> THAT'S HER HUSBAND?
>> WHO'S HER? >> UH -- KAMAIA --
>> WHAT'S HER NAME? >> KAMAIA -- SORRY, KAM -- I
CAN'T SAY HER NAME. >> WHAT'S HIS NAME AGAIN?
>> YOU SAID DOUG? >> UH-HUH.
>> ENOUGH? >> WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT
WOMAN'S NAME IS? >> CAN YOU GIVE ME A HINT?
>> YEAH, KAMALA. >> KAMALA, OKAY.
>> LAST NAME, H? >> HOUGH!
HUGH? GIVE ME A HINT.
WHAT'S IT RHYME WITH, THE LAST NAME?
>> FERRIS. >> KAMALA HARRIS!
>> YES. >> YEAH?
>> WHO DO YOU THINK THAT IS? >> SHE'S -- SHE'S A MOVIE STAR.
>> RIGHT. >> YEAH.
>> CAN YOU IDENTIFY THIS MAN? >> HE'S THE -- SECOND GENTLEMAN?
LIKE -- VICE PRESIDENT'S MAN. DOUG.
DOUG GOOD ENOUGH? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
DOUG EM -- EMHOFF? DOUG EMHOFF.
>> YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON SO FAR TO IDENTIFY DOUG EMHOFF.
STAND THERE WHILE WE THROW DIGITAL CONFETTI AT YOU.
NOW HERE COMES THE UNICORN. AND THE METEORITE.
>> OH, WOW. >> AND ONE UFO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: WELL.
WELL DONE, AMERICA. WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. NBA LEGEND KEVIN GARNETT IS WITH
US. WE'VE GOT MUSIC FROM
TOBE NWIGWE. AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
JENNIFER CONNELLY. ♪
>> Jimmy: HI, THERE. WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
TONIGHT, HE IS AN NBA CHAMPION AND A NEW AUTHOR, TOO.
THE ONE AND ONLY KEVIN GARNETT IS WITH US.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT'S HIS BOOK, "K.G. A TO Z."
THEN LATER, THIS EP COMES OUT FRIDAY.
IT'S CALLED "BLACK HISTORY ALWAYS."
MUSIC FROM TOBE NWIGWE FROM HOUSTON.
TOBE WAS A FOOTBALL PLAYER, AND HE IS AN INCREDIBLE SINGER TOO.
TOMORROW NIGHT, STEVE HARVEY AND MICHAEL PENA WILL JOIN US.
WITH MUSIC FROM AVA MAX. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
PLEASE JOIN US THEN. OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN OSCAR AND
GOLDEN GLOBE-WINNING ACTRESS WITH A VISION OF A HUSBAND, AND
A SECOND SEASON OF HER SHOW "SNOWPIERCER."
>> WHAT WILL YOU DO WITHOUT YOUR SHE'D TO MEET US?
>> WALK BACK SOME TRACK. PACK A BATTERY AND A HARD DRIVE
ON THE SLED. COULD MAKE IT THERE AND BACK IF
I HAD TO. >> MOM?
I THINK I UNDERSTAND NOW. WHY YOU HAD TO LEAVE ME IN
CHICAGO. >> Jimmy: WATCH "SNOWPIERCER"
MONDAY NIGHTS ON TNT. SAY HELLO TO JENNIFER CONNELLY.
HI, JENNIFER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HOW ARE YOU? >> GREAT, HOW ARE YOU?
SO NICE TO SEE YOU. >> Jimmy: I'M DOING WELL.
IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU TOO. I DON'T KNOW IF YOUR HUSBAND
MENTIONS THESE SORTS OF THINGS BUT HE WAS WITH US LAST MONTH
TALKING ABOUT "WANDAVISION." >> I KNOW, FROM THIS VERY SAME
ROOM, I THINK, YEAH. >> Jimmy: IS THAT YOUR OFFICIAL
TV TALK SHOW SPOT? >> IT'S A SPOT IN THE HOUSE
WHERE, YOU KNOW, WE DON'T HEAR THE CELLOS AND VIOLINS AND ALL
THAT KIND OF STUFF. >> Jimmy: PAUL TOLD US THAT YOU
TOOK HIM TO VOTE FOR THE FIRST TIME AS AN AMERICAN.
>> YEAH. I -- I WAS HIS FIRST.
[ LAUGHTER ] I WAS ORIGINALLY HIS FIRST, YOU
KNOW, AND IN A SEASON OF FEW EXCURSIONS, I THINK IT KIND OF
QUALIFIES AS A HOT DATE, YOU KNOW?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HE SEEMED LIKE HE
REALLY ENJOYED DOING IT. >> IT WAS GREAT.
WELL, IT WAS A MOMENTOUS ELECTION.
>> Jimmy: YEP. >> AND WHAT AN ELECTION TO START
WITH, AS A NEWLY AMERICAN CITIZEN.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. >> SO YEAH, WE WERE REALLY
EXCITED TO BE THERE. >> Jimmy: DID HE GET THE STICKER
AND DID HE WEAR IT AROUND? >> GOT THE STICKER, AS SOON AS
WE GOT HOME THE KIDS TOOK THE STICKERS.
WE GOT THEM BACK. WE HAD THE LITTLE WRISTBANDS.
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE THE KIDS DOING WITH THIS LOCKDOWN?
ARE THEY GOING NUTS IN THE HOUSE?
>> THE KIDS HAVE BEEN AMAZING, I HAVE TO SAY, THEY'RE
EXTRAORDINARY. AND I'M SO, YOU KNOW -- IT'S
BEEN AMAZING HAVING THE TIME WITH THEM.
BUT YEAH, YOU KNOW. WE'RE TRYING TO FIND CREATIVE
WAYS TO SPEND TIME IN OUR HOUSE ALL TOGETHER.
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S A CREATIVE THING THAT YOU DO IN THE HOUSE
TO PASS THE TIME? >> UM, WELL PAUL I THINK WAS
TALKING TO YOU ABOUT, HE'S BEEN GARDENING IN THE BASEMENT WITH
AGNES, THEY HAVE THIS AEROGARDEN, THEY'VE BEEN DOING
THAT. I TOO HAVE HAD A BASEMENT
PROJECT, WHICH IS THE KIDS AND I TURNED THE BASEMENT INTO A
ROLLER DISCO. >> Jimmy: OH, NICE.
WITH A BALL, A MIRRORED BALL AND EVERYTHING LIKE THAT?
>> WE HAVE LIGHTS, WE HAVE OSCILLATING LIGHTS, AND SO MANY
LIGHTS, MULTI-COLORED, HANGING STRING LIGHTS WITH STARS.
>> Jimmy: ARE THE LIGHTS SCREWING UP PAUL'S GARDENING
PROJECT DOWN THERE? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I -- IT'S STILL GOING. IT'S STILL WORKING.
>> Jimmy: IT'S THE WORLD'S FIRST COMBINATION NURSERY/ROLLER DISCO
YOU'VE GOT. [ LAUGHTER ]
I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE HAVING A BASEMENT CLEAN ENOUGH TO ROLLER
SKATE IN, TO BE HONEST WITH YOU. >> I KNOW.
I MEAN, IT'S KIND OF LIKE TRYING TO SKATE THROUGH A PINBALL
MACHINE BECAUSE THERE ARE DEFINITELY SOME OBSTACLES.
>> Jimmy: YOU SENT SINUS PHOTOGRAPHS.
BEFORE I ASK YOU ABOUT THEM, TELL US WHAT YOU DID.
AND THIS IS -- THIS WAS A LITTLE FAMILY ADVENTURE THAT YOU WENT
ON. >> OH, YEAH.
THIS WAS ANOTHER OF MY CREATIVE THINGS TO DO AT HOME PROJECT.
BUT THIS WAS AT OUR -- IN THE COUNTRY, WE HAVE A PLACE IN
VERMONT WE'VE HAD FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS.
SO WE, ON OUR LAST TRIP, ON THE KIDS' LAST SCHOOL BREAK, WE WERE
UP THERE. WE MADE A SNOW CAVE.
WE DUG A BIG SNOW CAVE. THAT WE ACTUALLY WOUND UP
SLEEPING IN. HERE'S THE PHOTO.
YOU HAVE A SENSE OF THE SIZE. WE ACTUALLY HAD A COUPLE OF
CHAMBERS. AND THEN A TUNNEL.
HERE'S OUR DOG, WALLACE, COMING THROUGH THE TUNNEL.
>> Jimmy: THE DOG -- IS THAT FLAT?
OR ARE WE LOOKING DOWN INTO THE EARTH?
>> YOU'RE LOOKING STRAIGHT THROUGH.
>> Jimmy: OKAY. >> SO THIS IS ACTUALLY PAUL'S
LEGS AND BOOTS. IN THE BACK OF WALLACE THERE'S
ANOTHER ROOM BEHIND THAT. SO THIS IS THE CORRIDOR BETWEEN
THE ROOMS. >> Jimmy: YOU HAD A MULTI-ROOM
SNOW CAVE THAT YOU CONSTRUCTED? >> AND THIS IS ME, ME AND AGNES,
GETTING READY FOR BED. WE BROUGHT AN AIR MATTRESS IN
THERE, SOME LITTLE L.E.D. PANELS IN THERE.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAD A SLEEPOVER IN A CAVE?
>> HAD A SLEEPOVER, WE SLEPT IN THE SNOW CAVE.
>> Jimmy: OH, WOW. THAT SEEMS VERY DANGEROUS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> IT WAS OKAY.
WE MADE IT. IT WAS GREAT.
SO MUCH FUN. >> Jimmy: AND YOU WERE DOWN
THERE SO LONG THAT YOU BECAME PREGNANT, IT SEEMS, AS WELL.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH, THIS WAS THE LAST TIME
THAT I SLEPT IN THE SNOW CAVE. SO IT'S A BIT OF A FAMILY
TRADITION, WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR SOME TIME WHENEVER WE GET A
BIG DUMPING OF SNOW. >> Jimmy: IT'S LIKE YOU'RE
SMUGGLING DRUGS OVER THE BORDER TO NOGALES OR SOMETHING THERE.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU ARE LITERALLY A SNOWPIERCER.
THIS IS NOT JUST YOUR TELEVISION SHOW.
[ APPLAUSE ] >> I WAS FEELING KIND OF SMUG.
I WAS FEELING LIKE, THIS IS PRETTY SPORTY OF US.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. >> UNTIL WE CAME BACK TO THE
CITY ASK TOM CRUISE BURST MY BUBBLE.
BECAUSE I WENT AND SAW -- I SAW "TOP GUN," A SCREENING OF "TOP
GUN." >> Jimmy: THE NEW ONE, WOW.
>> VERY EXCITING. >> Jimmy: HOW DID TOM BURST YOUR
BUBBLE? >> WELL, THERE WAS A PROMO FOR
THE NEW "MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE." AND A STUNT THAT HE DOES.
SO TOM CRUISE DOES ANOTHER DEATH-DEFYING STUNT IN THIS
MOVIE. YOU WATCH THAT AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE LIKE, YEAH, MAYBE I'M NOT SO COOL.
>> Jimmy: MAYBE THE SNOW CAVE ISN'T -- WELL, YOU'RE SOMEWHERE
BETWEEN TOM CRUISE AND TED CRUZ, THINK OF IT THAT WAY.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] SO YOUR SHOW, WHAT WAS HAPPENING
IN THAT CLIP THAT WE SAW? BECAUSE -- WAS THE CAMERAMAN
DRUNK? BECAUSE THE CHILD WAS A LITTLE
BIT OUT OF FOCUS THERE. WAS THERE A REASON FOR THAT?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW -- I THINK THAT OVER THE COURSE OF THE
SEASON -- REALLY THE LAST SEASON, MELANIE SORT OF COMING
BACK TO HER SORT OF MORE AUTHENTIC SELF.
AND SHE'S REALLY CONFRONTING HER PAST.
AND SHE'S ALL ALONE IN THIS RESEARCH STATION.
AND SHE SHE'S VISITED BY SOME FOLKS.
AND SO -- IT MAY BE HER IMAGINATION.
>> Jimmy: FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING ON THE
SHOW, IT'S BASICALLY AN APOCALYPTIC PREMISE.
EVERYONE IS NOW LIVING ON A TRAIN.
ALL HUMAN BEINGS STILL ALIVE ARE LIVING ON A VERY LONG TRAIN.
YEAH. THAT'S PRETTY CRAZY.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU GOT PICKED
UP FOR A THIRD SEASON ALREADY. DO YOU THINK THEY WILL MOVE TO
IT A CRUISE SHIP OR SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> I DON'T KNOW, WOULD THAT BE
BETTER OR WORSE? >> Jimmy: I'M JUST LOOKING OUT
FOR YOU, I DON'T KNOW. YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT,
YEAH. THE 30th TIME YOU DO THE MAMBA
WITH A BUDGE OF STRANGERS, I GUESS THAT WOULD GET TIRING.
WELL, IT'S VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU. I'M GLAD YOU GUYS ARE COMING UP
WITH INTERESTING THINGS. I FEEL LIKE I'M BORING NOW.
I'M GOING TO GO DIG SOMETHING WITH THE CHILDREN.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> GREAT.
>> Jimmy: JENNIFER CONNELLY. "SNOWPIERCER" MONDAY NIGHTS AT
9:00 P.M. ON TNT. BE BACK WITH KEVIN GARNETT.
>> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT
TO YOU BY NEW KLONDIKE CONES. WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A
KLONDIKE? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪ >>> STILL TO COME, MUSIC FROM
TONY NWIGWE. OUR NEXT GUEST WENT DIRECTLY
FROM HIGH SCHOOL TO THE NBA, TO A HALL-OF-FAME CAREER IN
BASKETBALL. HE IS A 15-TIME ALL-STAR, AN NBA
CHAMPION, AND MVP. HIS NEW MEMOIR IS "KG, A TO Z."
PLEASE WELCOME KEVIN GARNETT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HI, KEVIN. >> HOW YOU DOING, JIMMY?
>> Jimmy: I'M DOING WELL. I LOVE YOUR BOOK.
>> THANK YOU, MAN, I APPRECIATE IT.
>> Jimmy: THERE'S GREAT STORIES IN THE BOOK.
I LOVE THE WAY YOU SET IT UP. YOU KNOW HOW YOU GO INTO THE
INDEX OF THE BOOK JUST TO SEE THE STUFF THAT YOU WANT TO SEE?
YOUR WHOLE BOOK IS THAT, BASICALLY.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S LIKE, YOU JUST TURN ANY
LETTER AND YOU SEE WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. >> Jimmy: GO AHEAD.
>> NO, NO, I WAS SAYING I WAS TRYING TO MAKE IT SIMPLE FOR
PEOPLE TO FOLLOW, THAT'S ALL. >> Jimmy: YOU MADE IT SIMPLE FOR
DOPES LIKE ME. [ LAUGHTER ]
I HAVE TO SAY, I WENT TO "J" AND "K" AND I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING
ABOUT ME HERE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'VE GOT TO FIX IT. >> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS ON THE
HALL OF FAME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
YOU'RE IN IT BUT YOU'VE NOT BEEN INDUCTED YET.
OBVIOUSLY THINGS HAVE BEEN PUSHED A BIT.
BUT YEAH, THAT'S GREAT, RIGHT? I MEAN, THAT'S GOT TO BE THE
BEST. >> IT'S THE BEST, JIMMY.
I DON'T NEED TO BE INDUCTED. I FELT LIKE, TO BE ABLE TO
CELEBRATE WITH EVERYBODY AND HAVE A BIG CEREMONY IN THESE
TIMES IS A BIT EXTRA. THE FACT THAT I MADE IT, I FEEL
LIKE I'VE ALREADY -- I'VE ALREADY SHINED MYSELF LIKE THAT.
>> Jimmy: IF THERE WAS A TRASH TALKING HALL OF FAME, YOU WOULD
PROBABLY BE IN THAT TOO, CORRECT?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU THINK SO?
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY. BECAUSE I DON'T REALLY KNOW.
I MEAN, I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA THAT YOU WOULD BE.
BUT IT'S KIND OF LIKE A SECRET, IN A WAY, BECAUSE WE CAN'T
REALLY HEAR ALL OF WHAT'S GOING ON.
BUT YOU DO HEAR STORIES. AND YOU DO HAVE SOME GREAT
STORIES. AND I KNOW YOU'VE DONE SOME --
THERE ARE A LOT OF FUNNY INTERVIEWS WITH CRAIG SAGER AND
THAT KIND OF STUFF. TRASH TALK, YOU HAVE RULES,
THREE RULES FOR PROPER TRASH TALK, CORRECT?
>> I DO, MAN. I DO.
I THINK, WELL, FIRST OFF -- THANK YOU, BECAUSE TO BE ABLE TO
TRASH TALK, YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE ABILITY TO TRASH TALK, WHICH
MEANS YOU'VE GOT TO BE ABLE TO BACK IT UP.
YOU CAN'T START TRASH TALK AND STOP.
>> Jimmy: WHY? >> BECAUSE, YOU KNOW -- WE HAVE
A SAYING IN THE LEAGUE THAT YOU LET SOME SLEEPING DOGS LIE.
YOU KNOW, I AM A PRODUCT OF THAT.
AND I USE MICHAEL JORDAN AS AN EXAMPLE.
ONE NIGHT, I'M YOUNG, I'M 19 YEARS OLD, I'M IN THE LEAGUE,
I'M FRESH. I GRADUATE OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL IN
CHICAGO, COME BACK, PLAY THE BULLS.
OUR FRIEND WAS IN A TERRIBLE CAR CRASH.
I HAD NO SLEEP. I WAS JUST RUNNING ON FUMES.
AND I WAS PLAYING GREAT, PROBABLY THE BEST I'VE EVER
PLAYED IN MY LIFE AT THIS POINT, RIGHT?
AND IT'S AGAINST THE BULLS. J.R. RYDER IS HAVING AN
UNBELIEVABLE GAME, TOO, AND I'M FEELING 19, LIKE YEAH, KEEP
GOING! WE'RE KILLING HIM, WHOO!
AND THE SHORT FORM OF IT, I WOKE UP A SLEEPING DOG, YOU KNOW?
AND IT WASN'T PLEASANT. >> Jimmy: THAT DOG BEING MICHAEL
JORDAN? >> THAT BIG DOG BEING MICHAEL
JORDAN. ARE
[ LAUGHTER ] AND HE BIG, HE BITES, HE PLAYS
HARD. I KIND OF GOT A WARNING SHOT,
BUT I DIDN'T REALLY TAKE WARNING TO THE WARNING SHOT.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT JUST TURNED BAD, JIMMY.
IT TURNED REALLY BAD. IT TURNED BAD QUICK, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: J.R. TOLD YOU NOT TO DO IT?
>> J.R. TOLD ME TO CALM DOWN, YEAH, YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD GAME,
BUT HE CAN HEAR YOU. SO?
KEEP DOING IT. IT WAS KIND OF LIKE RUSE, A
RESPECT/RUDE THING THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO EVALUATE.
BUT LIKE ALL YOUNG PEOPLE, I WAS YOUNG, I WAS GOING WITH THE
SPIRIT AND THE PASSION. AND IT GOT ME BITTEN IN THE ASS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: IS THIS SOMETHING
MICHAEL REMEMBERS? OR IS THIS SOMETHING THAT IS
BURNED ONLY INTO YOUR BRAIN? >> I LIKE TO THINK THAT IT'S
BURNT -- IT'S DEFINITELY BURNT INTO MY BRAIN.
WHENEVER I SEE JORDAN HE ALWAYS DOES THE SAME THING, HE PALMS MY
HEAD, "YOU REMEMBER I GAVE YOU 40 IN THREE QUARTERS?"
I'M LIKE, MAN, GO AHEAD. THEN THE SIDEKICK OF PEOPLE WITH
HIM, HE GOES," PULL THAT UP." AND THE GUY PULLS IT UP.
WHAT? THIS IS REALLY -- WHO WALKS
AROUND WITH CONTENT? CUED UP?
YEAH, IT WAS AN EXPERIENCE IN WHICH I QUIT TALKING TRASH TO
MICHAEL. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: MICHAEL HAS A GUY WHO WALKS AROUND WITH HIGHLIGHTS
PACKAGES? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> ALREADY TEED UP, I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
IT WAS A TRUE JORDAN MOMENT. SHOUT-OUT TO MICHAEL JORDAN,
MAN. >> Jimmy: YOU WRITE ABOUT YOUR
GOOD FRIEND, KOBE BRYANT, IN THIS BOOK.
[ APPLAUSE ] YOU GUYS WERE VERY CLOSE.
ONE THING YOU HAD IN COMMON IS YOU LOVED TO GET BOOED ON THE
ROAD. >> YEAH, THAT WAS KIND OF THE
THING, YEAH. BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT AS MUCH AS
PEOPLE LOVE YOU, BOOING IS EXTRA LOVE.
IT'S LIKE A REVERSE LOVE, TO ME. >> Jimmy: YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> BOOED?
I WAS LIKE, WOW, I MUST HAVE DID SOMETHING THAT REALLY PISSED
THESE PEOPLE OFF. [ APPLAUSE ]
BOOING USED TO GIVE ME EXTRA ENERGY.
I WAS NEVER LACK OF ENERGY, BUT SAN ANTONIO IS REAL MEMORABLE.
WHEN YOU COME IN -- THEY HAD A PLAYER, WE PLAYED THE SAME
POSITION, TIM DUNCAN. THEY USED TO BOO THE CRAP OUT OF
ME, THROW TACOS. AND I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE A VERY KOBE STORY ABOUT AN EXPERIENCE YOU
HAD WITH KOBE AND GARY PAYTON. >> I DO, I DO.
GARY PAYTON IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST PLAYERS TO EVER PICK UP
A BASKETBALL. >> Jimmy: ESPECIALLY
DEFENSIVELY. YEAH.
>> ABSOLUTELY. HE WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE
BETTER DEFENSIVE PLAYERS WHO HAD OFFENSE.
AND KOBE PULLED HIM TO THE SIDE, THERE WAS A BUNCH OF PEOPLE
AROUND, AND HE JUST ASKED HIM SOMETHING VERY SIMPLE.
AND HE WAS LIKE, COME HERE, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING,
COME HERE! HE PULLED US INTO THIS SESSION
AND IT GOT REALLY SERIOUS. WE GOT FOR REAL FOR ABOUT 30
MINUTES. AND HE WAS LIKE, DON'T SHOW
NOBODY MY MOVE! I'M SERIOUS!
I SEE YOU TEACHING SOMEBODY MY MOVE, I'M GOING TO HAVE PROBLEMS
WITH YOU. IT WAS LIKE, ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. WON'T TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THE
MOVE. WOW.
BUT KOBE AND I FELT PRIVILEGED, LIKE WOW, HE REALLY TOOK HIS
TIME, TOOK US THROUGH IT. WE KIND OF WENT OVER IT.
AS A YOUNG PLAYER, THAT'S EVERYTHING, FOR VETS TO TAKE
TIME FOR YOU, SET ASIDE TIME, SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
I REMEMBER COMING OFF OF THE NBA BREAK, GOING BACK INTO OUR
REGULAR SEASON, SECOND HALF OF THE SEASON.
I SEEN KOBE USE IT. I SAW YOU USE GARY PAYTON'S --
SHH, SHH! NO, WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE
TALKING ABOUT THAT. BUT IT WAS A GREAT TIME.
KOBE WAS ONE OF MY DEAR FRIENDS. GARY PAYTON, DEAR FRIEND.
I CONSIDER THEM FAMILY. >> Jimmy: THERE'S GREAT STORIES
ABOUT ALL OF THAT IN THIS BOOK. WE'LL BE BACK MORE WITH KEVIN
GARNETT WHEN WE COME BACK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: MUSIC FROM TIM TEBOW NWIGWE IS ON THE WAY.
KEVIN GARNETT IS WITH US. YOU COME FROM A SPIRITED FAMILY,
IS THAT A GOOD WAY OF DESCRIBING THEM?
>> TO SAY THE LEAST, YES. >> Jimmy: TELL THE STORY ABOUT
YOUR GRANDMA AND WHEN THE COLLEGE RECRUITING CAME TO YOUR
HOUSE WHEN YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
>> WELL, I WAS VERY, VERY HEAVILY RECRUITED IN HIGH
SCHOOL. AND AT THIS TIME, BECAUSE
EVERYONE WAS COMING TO MY HOME, THEY HAD MY ADDRESS, I KIND OF
MOVED MY GRANDMOTHER FOR A WHILE.
IT WAS A NEW EXPERIENCE. I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS ONE
RECRUITER FOUND MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE.
IT WAS WEIRD BECAUSE HE HAD HIS LIGHTS LOW, IT WAS REALLY
CREEPY. IT'S NOT THE BEST NEIGHBORHOOD.
BUT YOU KNOW. HE POPPED OUT, HEY, KEVIN, CAN I
SHOW YOU SOMETHING? I'M LIKE, WHAT THE HELL?
IT WAS A SURREAL MOMENT. KIND OF GOT TO THE FRONT PORCH,
HE CAME TO THE PORCH, HE HAD A BAG.
HE WAS RIGHT ON THE FRONT PORCH SO FAST.
I COULDN'T REALLY REACT. I SAW WHO IT WAS.
I SAID, OH, YEAH, COME ON IN, LET YOU MEET MY GRANDMOTHER.
HE PUT THE BAG DOWN, HE'S KIND OF LIKE, YEAH, WE WANT YOU, AND
HE OPENED IT UP AS HE WAS TALKING.
I JUST SAW MONEY. MY GRANDMA WAS STANDING THERE.
I SAID, GRANDMA, THIS IS SUCH AND SUCH.
SHE'S LIKE, OKAY, YEAH. SHE SAW THE BAG OF MONEY AND
KIND OF LEFT THE ROOM. I DIDN'T KNOW, IT WAS GOING SO
FAST. LIKE WOW, WHAT IS THIS?
HE'S LIKE, YO, YOU WANT TO COME TO THE UNIVERSITY, WE CAN DO
THIS RIGHT NOW, HERE'S THE WHATEVER.
I HEARD WHAT SOUNDED LIKE A DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING.
IF YOU'VE EVER HEARD A SHOTGUN BEING PUT TOGETHER, YOU KNOW THE
CLICK. [ LAUGHTER ]
I'M LIKE, HOLD ON, THAT SOUNDS LIKE -- REALLY?
AND I SAW THE NOSE OF THE GUN AND I GO, YO, YOU'VE GOT TO GET
OUT OF HERE! I PICKED THE MONEY UP, A BIG
BAG, AND I THREW IT IN HIS CHEST AND WALKED HIM BACKWARDS, THREW
HIM OUT, KIND OF OUT THE DOOR. AND I JUST SLAMMED IT.
IT HAD LIKE A SCREEN, YOU KNOW -- IN THE SOUTH YOU HAVE A
SCREEN AND BARS. I SHUT THE BARS AND SLAMMED THE
DOOR. SHE'S LIKE, YOU GOT 30 SECONDS
TO GET YOUR COMPANY OUT OF HERE, SON.
I WAS LIKE, OKAY, GRANDMA, GOT IT!
YOU GOT 29 SECONDS TO GET YOUR COMPANY OUT.
OKAY, GET OUT OF HERE. NEEDLESS TO SAY, I SAVED THAT
GUY'S LIFE. >> Jimmy: YOU DID, YOU SAVED HIS
LIFE. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: SHE TOLD ME NEVER TO
SELL MYSELF FOR ANYTHING. SHE SAID, DON'T YOU EVER.
YOU SELL YOURSELF ONCE, YOU CAN BE SOLD TWICE.
[ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: MY GRANDMOTHER WOULD
HAVE TAKEN THAT BAG AND HEADED TO BINGO.
[ LAUGHTER ] THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN NO
HESITATION. >> IT WAS A -- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WAS THINKING SOMEWHAT ALONG THE LINES OF THAT, BUT NAH.
FORGET ABOUT BINGO, JIMMY. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: SO ONE OF THE MANY INTERESTING THINGS WE LEARNED
ABOUT YOU IN THIS BOOK, MAYBE THE MOST SURPRISING THING THAT I
LEARNED ABOUT YOU IN THIS BOOK, IS THAT YOU ARE A BIG FAN OF
KENNY G.'S MUSIC. >> HUGE FAN, HUGE FAN.
>> Jimmy: HAVE YOU MET KENNY G.? >> I'VE NEVER MET KENNY G. BUT I
LIKE THE FACT THAT HE'S A K.G., SO THAT MEANS SOMETHING.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: INTERESTING YOU SAY
THAT. BECAUSE KEVIEG., I'D LIKE TO
INTRODUCE YOU TO KENNY G. >> OH [ BLEEP ]!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> BROTHER, BROTHER!
>> HOW YOU DOING? >> HOW ARE YOU?
>> BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER EXCEPT YOU GOT THE HAIR.
>> I KNOW, I'VE GOT THE HAIR, YOU GOT THE HEIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> MAN, YOU'RE AGELESS, MAN.
YOU STILL LOOK LIKE KENNY G., I CAN'T -- OH MY GOD!
[ LAUGHTER ] >> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE
WONDERFUL THINGS YOU SAID ABOUT ME IN YOUR BOOK, I REALLY
APPRECIATE THAT. >> KENNY, MAN.
YOUR MUSIC GOT ME THROUGH SO MANY TOUGH TIMES IN MY LIFE.
IT INSPIRED MY, IT HELPED ME. I'M A HUGE DMX FAN.
YOU KNOW WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE -- I DIDN'T HAVE ANY BALANCE IN MY
LIFE, AND I LIKE TO THINK THAT KENNY G. GAVE ME GREAT BALANCE,
MAN, SO THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SERIOUSLY.
YP. >> Jimmy: YOU GAVE ONE OF THE
GREATEST BALANCE, KENNY. >> IF I CAN HELP YOU, MAN, THAT
MEANS A LOT TO ME. IN FACT, IF YOU DON'T MIND --
>> OH, ARE YOU SERIOUS, DOG? MAN, LOOK AT THIS, WHAT IS GOING
ON? >> THIS IS FOR YOU, K.G.!
>> APPRECIATE IT, KENNY! ♪
♪
>> Jimmy: WELL, IF THIS ISN'T THE WEIRDEST THING THAT'S EVER
HAPPENED ON THIS SHOW. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> IT IS. IT'S GOT TO BE, DOG.
♪ >> Jimmy: KENNY G., THANK YOU SO
MUCH FOR SERENADING KEVIN GARNETT.
KEVIN GARNETT, THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH US.
THIS IS HIS BOOK, "K.G. A TO Z." IT IS AVAILABLE NOW.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MUSIC FROM TIM TEBOW BIG WAY.
THANKS, KENNY, KEVIN GARNETT! >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE
CONCERT SERIES" IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING. >> Jimmy: THIS EP IS CALLED
"BLACK HISTORY ALWAYS" COMES OUT FRIDAY.
WITH HIS TAKE ON THE SONG "WAKE UP EVERYBODY," FROM HOUSTON,
TEXAS TOBE NWIGWE! ♪ WAKE UP EVERYBODY NO MORE
SLEEPING IN BED ♪ ♪ NO MORE THINKING TIME FOR
THINKING AHEAD ♪ ♪ THE WORLD HAS CHANGED SO VERY
MUCH FROM WHAT IT USED TO BE ♪ ♪ THERE IS SO MUCH HATRED WAR
AND POVERTY ♪ ♪ WAKE UP ALL THE TEACHERS TIME
TO TEACH A NEW WAY ♪ ♪ MAYBE THEN THEY'LL LISTEN TO
WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ♪ ♪ CAUSE THEY'RE THE ONES WHO'S
COMING UP AND THE WORLD IS IN THEIR HANDS ♪
♪ SO WHEN YOU TEACH THE CHILDREN TEACH THEM THE VERY BEST YOU
CAN ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY SING
♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER IF YOU JUST LET IT BE ♪
♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER WE GOT TO CHANGE IT YEAH YOU AND
ME ♪ ♪ JUST YOU AND ME YOU AND ME
JUST YOU AND ME YOU AND ME ♪ ♪ JUST YOU AND ME YEAH YEAH
>> WAKE UP ALL YOU DOCTORS MAKE THE OLD PEOPLE WELL ♪
♪ THEY'RE THE ONES WHO SUFFER AND CATCH ALL THE HELL ♪
♪ BUT THEY DON'T HAVE SO VERY LONG BEFORE THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪
♪ SO WON'T YOU MAKE THEM HAPPY BEFORE THEY PASS AWAY ♪
♪ WAKE UP ALL YOUR BUILDERS TIME TO BUILD A NEW LAND ♪
♪ I KNOW WE CAN DO IT IF WE ALL LEND A HAND ♪
♪ THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO DO IS PUT IT IN OUR MIND ♪
♪ SURELY THINGS WILL WORK OUT THEY DO IT EVERY TIME ♪
♪ EVERYBODY SING ♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER
IF WE JUST LET IT BE ♪ ♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER
WE GOTTA CHANGE IT YEAH ♪ ♪ WE GOT TO CHANGE IT YEAH JUST
YOU AND ME JUST YOU AND ME JUST YOU AND ME JUST YOU AND ME ♪
♪ YOU AND ME JUST YOU AND ME OH ♪
♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER OH THE HOOD WON'T GET NO BETTER
YEAH ♪ ♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER
WE GOTTA CHANGE IT YEAH WE GOTTA CHANGE IT YEAH JUST YOU AND ME ♪
♪ EVERYBODY SING ♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER
THE HURT WON'T GET NO BETTER ♪ ♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER
WE GOTTA CHANGE IT YEAH WE GOT TO CHANGE IT YEAH JUST YOU AND
ME ♪ ♪ YOU AND ME YEAH YEAH YOU AND
ME YEAH YEAH ♪ ♪ YOU AND ME YEAH YEAH YOU AND
ME ♪ ♪ WE GOTTA WE GOTTA CHANGE WE
GOTTA CHANGE ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY SING
♪ WE GOTTA CHANGE COME ON WE GOTTA CHANGE WE GOTTA CHANGE
YEAH WE GOTTA CHANGE ALL AROUND THE WORLD ♪
♪ WE GOTTA CHANGE COME ON COME ON WE GOTTA CHANGE OH YEAH ♪
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE CONCERT SERIES" IS PRESENTED BY
MERCEDES-BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK JENNIFER CONNELLY,
KEVIN GARNETT, KENNY G, AND TOBE NWIGWE, APOLOGIES TO
MATT DAMON. AND IF YOU LIKED WHAT YOU SAW
TONIGHT, TELL A FRIEND. I MEAN, NOW.
YEAH. CALL SOMEBODY, OKAY?
THANKS, GOOD NIGHT. ♪
♪