1 00:00:02,937 --> 00:00:05,470 >> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE"! 2 00:00:05,540 --> 00:00:09,474 TONIGHT, BETTE MIDLER, EIZA GONÁLEZ, 3 00:00:09,544 --> 00:00:12,277 AND MUSIC FROM FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE. 4 00:00:12,347 --> 00:00:21,620 AND NOW JIMMY KIMMEL! >> Jimmy: THANK YOU. 5 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,022 HELLO, I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. 6 00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:24,156 THANK YOU FOR JOINING US AFTER THE LONG, AND IN MANY PLACES, 7 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:29,895 COLD HOLIDAY WEEKEND. IF YOU RESISTED THE URGE TO POST 8 00:00:29,964 --> 00:00:31,297 "BE MY QUARANTINE," CONGRATULATIONS. 9 00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:34,099 [ LAUGHTER ] WE HAD A LOW-KEY VALENTINE'S 10 00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:36,101 DAY THIS YEAR. YOU KNOW, USUALLY I'LL RIDE UP 11 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:40,773 ON A HORSE. WITH NO SHIRT ON, LIKE FABIO. 12 00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:42,108 [ LAUGHTER ] A SINGLE RED ROSE IN MY TEETH. 13 00:00:42,110 --> 00:00:44,243 THIS YEAR, THERE WAS NONE OF THAT. 14 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:49,781 I DID GET A VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT FROM MY MOTHER THIS YEAR. 15 00:00:49,851 --> 00:00:50,983 [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT. 16 00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:55,655 MY MOTHER GAVE ME -- SHE GAVE ME AND MY WIFE A CARD, SHE WROTE A 17 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,122 CARD. AND IN THE CARD WAS $200 CASH. 18 00:00:57,191 --> 00:01:04,062 [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 19 00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,331 LIKE A COMMON PROSTITUTE, SHE GAVE ME CASH. 20 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:09,401 [ LAUGHTER ] SO I TEXTED HER, PUT UP THE 21 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:13,072 TEXT. "THANKS FOR THE GIFT SLASH 22 00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:15,541 MONOLOGUE TOPIC." SHE WROTE BACK, "I DESPISE YOU." 23 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:19,211 [ LAUGHTER ] WHICH I KNOW ISN'T TRUE BECAUSE 24 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:20,946 SHE JUST GAVE ME 200 BUCKS. [ LAUGHTER ] 25 00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:24,884 WHAT DID YOUR MOTHER -- DID YOUR MOTHER GIVE YOU A GIFT FOR 26 00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:28,086 VALENTINE'S DAY? >> Guillermo: SHE GAVE ME $100. 27 00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:31,157 >> Jimmy: SHE GAVE YOU MONEY? >> Guillermo: EVERY YEAR. 28 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,558 >> Jimmy: IS THIS A THING NOW? >> Guillermo: I GUESS. 29 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,294 >> Jimmy: EVERY YEAR? >> Guillermo: $100 EVERY YEAR. 30 00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:38,230 >> Jimmy: DO YOU TAKE IT? >> Guillermo: I DO TAKE IT, BUT 31 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,766 I GIVE IT BACK TO HER. [ LAUGHTER ] 32 00:01:40,835 --> 00:01:43,502 >> Jimmy: AT WHAT AGE SHOULD PARENTS STOP GIVING THEIR 33 00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:46,038 CHILDREN VALENTINE'S DAY GIFTS? IS IT ABOVE OR BELOW 53? 34 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:50,376 [ LAUGHTER ] I'M ASKING FOR A FRIEND. 35 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:53,913 MEANWHILE, MY WIFE -- DID YOUR WIFE GIVE YOU ANYTHING? 36 00:01:53,915 --> 00:01:56,381 >> Guillermo: UH -- >> Jimmy: OH, SHE DID. 37 00:01:56,451 --> 00:01:58,717 [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 38 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,319 >> Guillermo: YEAH, SHE DID, SHE DID. 39 00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:04,122 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU ANIMAL. 40 00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:08,994 MY WIFE GAVE ME A BLANK T-SHIRT AND A WOODEN SPOON, THEN FELL 41 00:02:09,063 --> 00:02:13,399 ASLEEP ON THE CROUCH. [ LAUGHTER ] 42 00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:15,067 IF YOU ARE WATCHING US FROM HOME RIGHT NOW THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU 43 00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,736 HAVE POWER. YOU KNOW THE PHRASE "WHEN HELL 44 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:21,540 FREEZES OVER"? WE'RE GETTING CLOSE. 45 00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,209 WE'RE GETTING REAL CLOSE. THIS MORNING WAS THE COLDEST IN 46 00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,543 DECADES FOR DALLAS, HOUSTON, SAN ANTONIO, AND LITTLE ROCK. 47 00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:27,413 IN NEW ORLEANS THEY HAD THE COLDEST FAT TUESDAY IN MORE THAN 48 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,615 A HUNDRED YEARS. PEOPLE ON THE STREETS WERE 49 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:35,620 PUTTING THEIR TOPS ON. [ LAUGHTER ] 50 00:02:35,690 --> 00:02:36,889 AGAIN, WE MISS THE DRUMMER. THEY HAD TO CANCEL THE 51 00:02:36,891 --> 00:02:41,427 MARDI GRAS PARADES THIS YEAR. BECAUSE LAST YEAR'S FESTIVITIES 52 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,697 TURNED INTO A SUPERSPREADER EVENT. 53 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:45,831 IT WAS RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE VIRUS. 54 00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:49,101 THIS WAS THE SCENE ON BOURBON STREET TODAY WHERE THERE 55 00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:53,105 WAS NO BOURBON TO BE HAD. >> NO ONE OUT HERE IN THE FRENCH 56 00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:56,042 QUARTER ON BOURBON STREET. AGAIN, I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD 57 00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:58,176 SEE BOURBON STREET EMPTY LIKE THIS. 58 00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:02,047 JOHN, YOU MENTIONED EARLIER THE ONLY TIME YOU SEE THIS MANY COP 59 00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:04,316 CARS IN THE FRENCH QUARTER IS FOR BREAKING NEWS. 60 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:07,052 WELL, BREAKING NEWS? THERE'S NOBODY IN THE FRENCH 61 00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:09,654 QUARTER ON MARDI GRAS DAY IN 2021. 62 00:03:09,724 --> 00:03:10,789 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. WELL, THERE IS THAT GUY. 63 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:14,860 THERE ARE A FEW PEOPLE. IT'S "GIRLS GONE HOME" IN NEW 64 00:03:14,929 --> 00:03:18,864 ORLEANS. [ LAUGHTER ] 65 00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:21,801 IT'S ALL VERY SAD. THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE FUN 66 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,270 IN '21 BUT I GUESS THAT HASN'T STARTED YET. 67 00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:28,006 THERE WERE REVELERS IN WEST PALM BEACH. 68 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:34,680 A PRESIDENTS' DAY PARADE FOR TRUMP OUTSIDE MAR-A-LARDO. 69 00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:37,016 [ LAUGHTER ] THE TRUMP RAMBO FLAGS WERE 70 00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:38,350 FLYING. HUNDREDS OF MASKLESS SUPPORTERS 71 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,552 SHOWED UP TO STAND BY THEIR MAN. AND SURE ENOUGH ON HIS WAY TO 72 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:43,088 THE GOLF COURSE HE'D NEVER LET THEM JOIN, THE FORMER PRESIDENT 73 00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:47,493 GAVE HIS FANS A WAVE AND TWO LITTLE THUMBS UP. 74 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:52,031 SOMEBODY EVEN HIRED A PLANE WITH A BANNER THAT SAYS "TRUMP, BEST 75 00:03:52,033 --> 00:03:55,033 PRESIDENT EVER, HEART," TO CHEER THE BIG GUY ON AND CELEBRATE HIS 76 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:57,102 UNIMPEACHMENT. WHAT A THING TO CELEBRATE. 77 00:03:57,104 --> 00:04:02,841 BUT OF COURSE, THEY DID. MUCH OF THE TRUMP FAMILY TOOK A 78 00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:07,579 VICTORY LAP AFTER THE SENATE VOTE ON SATURDAY, INCLUDING 79 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,714 ERIC, WHO TWEETED "2-0." 80 00:04:09,784 --> 00:04:13,853 THERE HE GOES BRAGGING ABOUT HIS GRADE POINT AVERAGE AGAIN. 81 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,254 [ LAUGHTER ] TRUMP PUT TOGETHER A REAL DREAM 82 00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:17,122 TEAM OF ATTORNEYS TO REPRESENT HIM ON THIS ONE. 83 00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:21,393 ONE OF THE STANDOUTS WAS MICHAEL VAN DER VEEN, A PERSONAL 84 00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:24,129 INJURY ATTORNEY, FOR REAL. THIS IS THE GUY WHO WAS LIKE, 85 00:04:24,198 --> 00:04:25,864 DID YOU SLIP AND FALL? CALL ME. 86 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,934 HE ALSO SUED DONALD TRUMP LAST YEAR FOR SOME CLAIMS ABOUT 87 00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:31,603 MAIL-IN VOTING IN PENNSYLVANIA. BUT HE STOLE THE SHOW ON 88 00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,873 SATURDAY. AT ONE POINT, THE SENATE SHOWED 89 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:39,678 A RARE MOMENT OF UNITY WHEN THEY JOINED TOGETHER TO LAUGH AT HIM. 90 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,548 >> NONE OF THESE DEPOSITIONS SHOULD BE DONE BY ZOOM. 91 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:48,887 WE DIDN'T DO THIS HEARING BY ZOOM! 92 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:54,827 THESE DEPOSITIONS SHOULD BE DONE IN PERSON, IN MY OFFICE, IN 93 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,428 PHILA PHILADELPHIA. 94 00:04:56,497 --> 00:05:01,967 THAT'S WHERE THEY SHOULD BE DONE. 95 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,236 I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY CIVIL LAWYERS ARE HERE, BUT THAT'S THE 96 00:05:04,238 --> 00:05:08,507 WAY IT WORKS, FOLKS. >> Jimmy: HOW DARE YOU LAUGH AT 97 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,908 MY HILARIOUS LAWYERING! [ LAUGHTER ] 98 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,310 AND AS BAD AS HE WAS,HE WASN'T EVEN THE WORST OF THE BUNCH. 99 00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:20,318 THAT HONOR WENT TO BRUCE CASTOR JR. WHO MADE THE 100 00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:21,587 CASE BUT, FOR, AND AGAINST HIS CLINT. 101 00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:23,589 >> TO ANSWER THE QUESTION OF THE HOUSE MANAGER, DOES ANYBODY 102 00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:27,659 BELIEVE THIS WOULD HAVE OCCURRED BUT FOR THE SPEECH FROM DONALD 103 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:31,397 TRUMP? I DO. 104 00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,599 >> Jimmy: WELL. I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU AND DONALD 105 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,400 TRUMP HUSBAND AND WIFE. [ LAUGHTER ] 106 00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:37,937 CASTOR GOT A LOT OF HEAT AFTER HIS LESS-THAN-STELLAR 107 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:41,073 PERFORMANCE. ESPECIALLY HIS OPENING ARGUMENT 108 00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:45,210 WHICH HE ATTEMPTED TO EXPLAIN TO SEAN HANNITY. 109 00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:49,148 >> BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AT THE BEGINNING OF THE CASE WAS 110 00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:50,482 BASED ON DISHONESTY. WE HAD AN ORDER FROM THE UNITED 111 00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:52,083 STATES SENATE SAYING THE FIRST TWO HOURS OF THE ARGUMENT WERE 112 00:05:52,153 --> 00:05:53,552 TO BE ON THE ISSUE OF JURISDICTION. 113 00:05:53,621 --> 00:05:56,288 THE HOUSE MANAGERS IGNORED THESE INSTRUCTIONS FROM THE SENATE AND 114 00:05:56,356 --> 00:06:00,359 JUST WENT DOWN THIS EMOTIONAL TIRADE, AND ALL THESE THINGS 115 00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:05,631 THAT HAD PUT US IN JUST AN AWFUL POSITION, AND WE WERE UNABLE TO 116 00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:08,633 USE OUR PREPARED RESPONSE. THE ONLY THING THAT WAS 117 00:06:08,703 --> 00:06:11,770 AVAILABLE WERE MY NOTES FOR THE OPENING. 118 00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:14,640 I WAS TO GIVE THE FOLLOWING DAY WHICH I HADN'T TYPED UP YET. 119 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,442 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HE HADN'T TYPED UP HIS 120 00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:18,043 NOTES YET. BY THE WAY, IT'S REALLY AN 121 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,112 ACCOMPLISHMENT TO BE DONALD TRUMP'S WORST LAWYER, WHEN HIS 122 00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,113 LAST LAWYER GOT CAUGHT PLAYING SALAMI KARATE WITH BORAT'S 123 00:06:22,183 --> 00:06:28,253 DAUGHTER. [ LAUGHTER ] 124 00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:29,121 [ APPLAUSE ] RUDY IS NO LONGER TRUMP'S 125 00:06:29,123 --> 00:06:30,188 ATTORNEY, THAT WAS ANNOUNCED TODAY. 126 00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:31,256 MITCH MCCONNELL TRIED TO HAVE IT BOTH WAYS THIS WEEKEND. 127 00:06:31,325 --> 00:06:36,528 AFTER VOTING TO ACQUIT, McCONNELL GAVE A BLISTERING 128 00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,597 SPEECH CONDEMNING TRUMP'S ACTIONS AND INACTION. 129 00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:39,932 BASICALLY SAYING, "DONALD TRUMP IS GUILTY OF ALL THE THINGS I 130 00:06:39,934 --> 00:06:46,538 JUST FOUND HIM NOT GUILTY OF." >> PRESIDENT TRUMP IS 131 00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:51,076 PRACTICALLY AND MORALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR PROVOKING THE 132 00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:55,814 EVENTS OF THE DAY. [ LAUGHTER ] 133 00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:59,017 BUT IN THIS CASE, THE QUESTION IS MOOT. 134 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,820 BECAUSE FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP IS CONSTITUTIONALLY NOT ELIGIBLE 135 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:05,824 FOR CONVICTION. >> Jimmy: IT WAS THE TORTOISE 136 00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:09,361 VERSUS THE CRAZY YELLOW "HARE." TRUMP FIRED BACK TODAY WITH A 137 00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:13,699 LONG STATEMENT BECAUSE HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO TWEET. 138 00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,367 HE'S ASKED TO WRITE LETTERS. HE WROTE, "THE REPUBLICAN PARTY 139 00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:16,969 CAN NEVER AGAIN BE RESPECTED OR STRONG WITH POLITICAL LEADERS 140 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,236 LIKE SENATOR MITCH McCONNELL AT ITS HELM. 141 00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:23,509 IN 2020, I RECEIVED THE MOST VOTES OF ANY SITTING PRESIDENT 142 00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:27,579 IN HISTORY, ALMOST 75 MILLION." THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH 143 00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:28,780 ANYTHING. "MITCH McCONNELL BEGGED FOR MY 144 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:31,717 STRONG SUPPORT AND ENDORSEMENT. WITHOUT MY ENDORSEMENT, HE WOULD 145 00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:34,586 HAVE LOST, AND LOST BADLY. MITCH IS A DOUR, SULLEN, AND 146 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:37,456 UNSMILING POLITICAL HACK, AND IF REPUBLICAN SENATORS ARE GOING TO 147 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:42,328 STAY WITH HIM, THEY WILL NOT WIN AGAIN." 148 00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:44,796 UNSMILING. [ LAUGHTER ] 149 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:49,601 HAS DONALD TRUMP MET HIS WIFE? MELANIA HASN'T SMILED SINCE 150 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,069 2011. [ APPLAUSE ] 151 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,204 IT WAS A SEVEN PARAGRAPH STATEMENT. 152 00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:56,141 THERE WERE ONLY THREE PARAGRAPHS IN THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS. 153 00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,609 I HAVE TO SAY, I THINK McCONNELL BLEW IT. 154 00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:59,144 THIS WAS HIS PARTY'S BEST CHANCE TO MAKE SURE TRUMP NEVER RAN 155 00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:01,480 AGAIN. YOU REMEMBER THE END OF "LORD OF 156 00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:05,484 THE RINGS" WHEN FRODO BROUGHT THE RING ALL THE WAY TO THE 157 00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:06,551 VOLCANO AND THEN DECIDED TO NOT THROW IT IN? 158 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:07,419 THIS WAS LIKE A DUMB VERSION OF THAT. 159 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:15,627 [ LAUGHTER ] EVEN SO, IT WAS THE MOST 160 00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:18,564 BIPARTISAN IMPEACHMENT VOTE EVER, 57-43. 161 00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:20,966 SEVEN REPUBLICAN SENATORS VOTED TO CONVICT. 162 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:21,966 BURR, COLLINS, ROMNEY, TOOMEY, MURKOWSKI, CASSIDY, AND SASSE. 163 00:08:22,036 --> 00:08:23,034 AND NOW THEY'RE PAYING A PRICE FOR IT AT HOME. 164 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:30,442 THE CHAIRMAN OF THE WASHINGTON COUNTY, PENNSYLVANIA, 165 00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:33,311 REPUBLICAN PARTY WAS FURIOUS AT HIS SENATOR, PAT TOOMEY. 166 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:36,047 >> WE SENT HIM TO WASHINGTON TO REPRESENT OUR INTERESTS. 167 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:39,518 HE'S OUR REPRESENTATIVE IN WASHINGTON. 168 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,787 WE DID NOT SEND HIM THERE TO VOTE HIS CONSCIENCE. 169 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:48,326 WE DID NOT SEND HIM THERE TO DO THE RIGHT THING OR WHATEVER. 170 00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:50,261 >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ] 171 00:08:50,331 --> 00:08:51,330 WE DIDN'T SEND HIM THERE TO DO THE RIGHT THING! 172 00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:56,602 WE HATE THE RIGHT THING! AND IF PAT TOOMEY DON'T HAVE THE 173 00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:59,404 GUTS TO NOT STAND UP FOR WHAT HE BELIEVES IN, BY GOD, WE'LL FIND 174 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:01,807 SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T! [ LAUGHTER ] 175 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,676 SEVERAL SENATORS HAVE BEEN CENSURED AND ADAM KINZINGER, ONE 176 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:08,480 OF THE TEN REPUBLICANS WHO VOTED TO IMPEACH TRUMP IN THE HOUSE, 177 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:12,484 NOT ONLY WAS HE CENSURED BY HIS PARTY IN ILLINOIS, HE GOT AN 178 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,354 ANGRY LETTER FROM HIS OWN FAMILY. 179 00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:19,224 HIS COUSIN WROTE, "OH MY, WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT YOU ARE TO US AND 180 00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:23,295 TO GOD, WE WERE ONCE SO PROUD OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS, INSTEAD 181 00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:26,564 YOU GO AGAINST YOUR CHRISTIAN PRINCIPLES AND JOIN THE DEVIL'S 182 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:27,833 ARMY. YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD YOU'VE 183 00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:32,104 LOST THE RESPECT OF LOU DOBBS, TUCKER CARLSON, SEAN HANNITY." 184 00:09:32,106 --> 00:09:34,239 THAT I AGREE WITH, HE SHOULD BE PROUD. 185 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,373 [ LAUGHTER ] SORRY, ADAM, YOU LOST THE 186 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:39,912 RESPECT OF LOU DOBBS. LIKE RACIALLY INTEGRATED DINERS 187 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:45,651 AND THE BEATLES WHEN THEY GREW THEIR HAIR LONG, LOU DOBBS NOW 188 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:54,993 RESPECTS YOU. "IT IS NOW MOST EMBARRASSING TO 189 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:56,795 US THAT WE ARE RELATED TO YOU. YOU HAVE EMBARRASSED THE 190 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:57,930 KINZINGER FAMILY NAME!" WELL, ADAM, FOR WHATEVER ITS 191 00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:00,599 WORTH MY FAMILY IS PROUD OF YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 192 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:04,336 AND MY MOTHER GIVES OUT CASH FOR VALENTINE'S DAY. 193 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:07,472 BY THE WAY, THE COUSIN WHO SENT THAT LETTER? 194 00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:10,275 HER NAME IS NO JOKE -- DO YOU WANT TO GUESS WHAT HER NAME IS? 195 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:14,213 THAT'S RIGHT, CARE. COUSIN KAREN. 196 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,347 [ LAUGHTER ] COUSIN KAREN SAYS HE'S A 197 00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:16,682 DISAPPOINTMENT. THIS IS WHAT JOE BIDEN WAS UP TO 198 00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:22,554 THIS WEEKEND ARE HE WAS AT CAMP DAVID PLAYING MARIO CART WITH 199 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,155 HIS GRANDDAUGHTER. THAT'S WHY LUIGI IS IN THE FULL 200 00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:29,761 LANE WITH THE BLINKER ON. WHO INSTALLED THE FULL-SIZED 201 00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:33,632 MARIO MACHINE? IS THIS CAMP DAVID IN BUSTERS? 202 00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,034 WHAT'S GOING ON THERE? [ LAUGHTER ] 203 00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:38,570 ACCORDING TO A NEW POLL, A MAJORITY OF AMERICANS SAY DONALD 204 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,105 TRUMP SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HOLD OFFICE AGAIN. 205 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,106 WITH ANY LUCK, ONE DAY WE'LL CHOOSE A SYSTEM BASED ON WHAT 206 00:10:42,176 --> 00:10:49,448 MOST OF AMERICA WANTS. ANOTHER POLL SAYS A STUNNING 63% 207 00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:50,649 OF REPUBLICANS WOULD LIKE THE OPTION OF A THIRD PARTY. 208 00:10:50,717 --> 00:10:52,851 DOZENS OF FORMER REPUBLICAN OFFICIALS ARE HASHING OUT PLANS 209 00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:55,387 TO FORM A THIRD PARTY BASED ON WHAT THEY CALL "PRINCIPLED 210 00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:57,389 CONSERVATISM." LISTEN, IF THEY WANT TO START A 211 00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,391 PARTY DONALD TRUMP WON'T JOIN, JUST CALL IT "ERIC'S BIRTHDAY 212 00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:05,263 PARTY." [ LAUGHTER ] 213 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:08,867 AND WHILE HISTORICALLY THIRD-PARTIES LAST ABOUT AS LONG 214 00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:12,871 AS A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION IN THIS CASE THEY ARE ORGANIZED, 215 00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:14,406 WELL-FUNDED, AND THEY EVEN PUT OUT A CAMPAIGN AD. 216 00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:18,010 >> THE REPUBLICAN PARTY HAS CHANGED A LOT IN THE LAST FOUR 217 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,746 YEARS. >> I'M PRESIDENT, HEY, I'M 218 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:21,747 PRESIDENT! DO YOU BELIEVE IT, RIGHT? 219 00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:26,885 >> IN WAYS THAT REAL CONSERVATIVES JUST CAN'T ABIDE. 220 00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:31,623 >> PRESIDENT TRUMP IS PRACTICALLY AND MORALLY 221 00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:35,827 RESPONSIBLE FOR PROVOKING THE EVENTS OF THE DAY. 222 00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:41,433 >> IT'S TIME FOR SOMETHING NEW. IT'S TIME FOR A TRULY 223 00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:44,436 CONSERVATIVE PARTY. MADE UP OF AMERICANS WHO DON'T 224 00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:50,508 LIKE THE NAME-CALLING. AMERICANS WITH PRINCIPLE. 225 00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,644 REPUBLICAN VALUES. WE DON'T BELIEVE IN HEALTH CARE 226 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:56,247 FOR ALL. BUT WE DO BELIEVE EVERYONE HAS 227 00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,650 THE RIGHT TO A NICE, FIRM HANDSHAKE. 228 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:03,188 WE WILL NEVER LIE TO YOU. AND WE WILL NEVER FIGHT FOR MORE 229 00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:08,994 THAN A MINIMUM WAGE. WE WILL ALWAYS WISH YOU WELL AS 230 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,062 WE EVICT YOU. AND IF YOU'RE NOT RELIGIOUS, 231 00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:15,400 WE'LL PRAY FOR YOUR SOUL WHILE IT BURNS IN HELL. 232 00:12:15,469 --> 00:12:20,939 THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY. EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE "ALL 233 00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:23,942 WHITE." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 234 00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:27,945 >> Jimmy: SOMEBODY PRINT UP SOME HATS. 235 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:32,884 THIS WEEK IS RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS WEEK. 236 00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:35,820 I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE KIND AND RANDOM TO CALL MY AUNT CHIPPY. 237 00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:37,756 MY AUNT CHIPPY GOT HER FIRST DOSE OF THE VACCINE A COUPLE OF 238 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:40,291 WEEKS AGO. AND SHE IS SCHEDULED FOR NUMBER 239 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,826 TWO COMING UP NEXT WEEK. I THINK MONDAY SHE'S SCHEDULED 240 00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:44,762 FOR NUMBER TWO. SO I'M GOING TO PRETEND TO BE 241 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:45,630 CALLING FROM THE VACCINATION CENTER. 242 00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,899 AND THE CAMERA IN HER HOUSE IS ON? 243 00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:51,436 OKAY, GOOD, ALL RIGHT. YOU READY TO DO THIS? 244 00:12:51,505 --> 00:12:52,638 >> Guillermo: YES, JIMMY, I CANNOT WAIT. 245 00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:55,039 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, I'M DIALING HER HOUSE NOW. 246 00:12:55,109 --> 00:13:04,316 HERE WE GO. HERE SHE IS. 247 00:13:04,318 --> 00:13:14,526 [ PHONE RINGING ] >> HELLO? 248 00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:19,931 >> Jimmy: HELLO, MAY I SPEAK TO MRS. POTENZA, PLEASE? 249 00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:21,800 >> WHO'S CALLING? >> Jimmy: THIS IS TOM, I'M 250 00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:26,871 CALLING FROM THE VACCINATION CENTER, CONVENTION CENTER? 251 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:34,680 >> OH, YEAH. >> Jimmy: IS THIS CON-KETA? 252 00:13:34,748 --> 00:13:37,282 >> CONCHETTA. >> Jimmy: I WAS CALLING TO 253 00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:39,150 CONFIRM YOU WILL BE COMING TO THE CONVENTION CENTER TOMORROW 254 00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:45,156 AT 3:30? >> NO, NOT TOMORROW. 255 00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:45,890 THE 23rd. OF FEBRUARY. 256 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,626 >> Jimmy: OH, THE 23rd. OKAY. 257 00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:50,895 WELL, OKAY. >> 23rd. 258 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:53,165 THE 23rd AT 3:30. >> Jimmy: WE JUST HAVE A FEW 259 00:13:53,167 --> 00:13:55,099 QUESTIONS -- >> DON'T CHANGE IT, DON'T START 260 00:13:55,169 --> 00:13:56,901 CHANGING EVERYTHING! [ LAUGHTER ] 261 00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,903 >> Jimmy: COULD YOU LIKE US TO CHANGE IT? 262 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:02,174 >> NO, JUST LEAVE IT ALONE. >> Jimmy: WE CAN CHANGE IT, WE 263 00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,976 CAN PUSH IT BACK. >> NO, I DON'T WANT YOU PUSHING 264 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,178 BACK. I DON'T WANT YOU PUSHING AHEAD. 265 00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,247 I DON'T WANT YOU TO PUSH AT ALL. [ LAUGHTER ] 266 00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:11,516 YOU WANT TO PUSH? GO ON THE SUBWAY AND PUSH. 267 00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:13,385 LEAVE IT ALONE. >> Jimmy: VERY GOOD. 268 00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:16,053 YOU WERE GIVEN THE MODERNA VACCINATION? 269 00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:17,522 >> YES. >> Jimmy: OKAY. 270 00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:21,326 AND I WAS WONDERING, I WANT TO GO THROUGH A COUPLE OF COMMON 271 00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,328 SIDE EFFECTS TO SEE IF YOU'VE EXPERIENCED ANY OF THEM. 272 00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,463 THIS IS ALL PART OF THE PROCESS THAT WE GO THROUGH HERE. 273 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:28,332 HAVE YOU HAD ANY SNIFFLES? >> NO. 274 00:14:28,402 --> 00:14:32,069 >> Jimmy: ACHES? >> NO. 275 00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:35,940 >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU HAD FEVER? >> NO. 276 00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:40,611 >> Jimmy: ITCHY EAR LOBES? >> I HAVEN'T HAD ANYTHING. 277 00:14:40,681 --> 00:14:42,080 >> Jimmy: WOULD YOU SAY -- >> NOTHING. 278 00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:44,682 >> Jimmy: -- YOUR LIBIDO HAS INCREASED SINCE GETTING THE 279 00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:48,754 VACCINATION? [ LAUGHTER ] 280 00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:52,958 >> JIMMY, THIS IS YOU, YOU LITTLE BASTARD? 281 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,292 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: EXCUSE ME? 282 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:59,297 >> JIMMY, IS THIS YOU? >> Jimmy: EXCUSE ME? 283 00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:02,366 >> I'LL SUE YOUR ASS. >> Jimmy: IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS 284 00:15:02,436 --> 00:15:05,237 VACCINE IS MAKING YOU IRRITABLE. >> JIMMY, THOUGH DIDN'T ASK THAT 285 00:15:05,239 --> 00:15:09,040 KIND OF QUESTION. THEY'RE ASKING TO SEE IF I'M 286 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:11,643 GOING TO BE DEAD OR NOT. >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU HAD ANY 287 00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:15,981 FACIAL HAIR GROWTH, ANY ABNORMAL MOUSTACHE, BEARD -- 288 00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:21,586 >> MY ASS. I GOT IT GOING. 289 00:15:21,655 --> 00:15:23,054 WHAT DO YOU WANT? >> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT 290 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,656 DO I WANT? IT'S A CRANK CALL, WHAT DO I 291 00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:25,657 WANT? I DON'T WANT ANYTHING, I'M JUST 292 00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:28,593 MAKING A CRANK CALL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? 293 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:33,398 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> I THOUGHT YOU OUTGREW THIS 294 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:36,334 [ BLEEP ]. YOU HAVE A TALK SHOW. 295 00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:40,205 THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE ON THE SHOW, I'M WATCHING IT, IT'S A GOOD 296 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:42,007 SHOW. >> Jimmy: CAN I INTEREST YOU A 297 00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,342 THREE-NIGHT STAY IN THE GOLDEN NUGGET CASINO? 298 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,143 >> NO, THANK YOU. NO, THANK YOU. 299 00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:48,279 >> Jimmy: OKAY, ALL RIGHT. I LOVE YOU. 300 00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,215 >> I LOVE YOU TOO. THANK YOU FOR CALLING. 301 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,950 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ] 302 00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:54,018 GOOD LUCK WITH THE VACCINE. >> OKAY, THANKS. 303 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,221 >> Jimmy: IT'S TOMORROW AT 2:30. >> YOUR ASS. 304 00:15:56,289 --> 00:16:02,494 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ARE YOU LAUGHING AT MY 305 00:16:02,496 --> 00:16:03,828 ASS? >> Guillermo: A LITTLE BIT. 306 00:16:03,897 --> 00:16:04,762 >> Jimmy: WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW TONIGHT. 307 00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:05,830 EIZA GONZALEZ IS HERE. WE HAVE MUSIC FROM 308 00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:07,699 FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE. AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 309 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:12,370 BETTE MIDLER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 310 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:22,313 ♪ >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. 311 00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:24,382 TONIGHT FROM THE NEW MOVIE "I CARE A LOT" EIZA GONZALEZ WILL 312 00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:28,787 BE HERE IN STUDIO. AND LATER, FROM NASHVILLE, THIS 313 00:16:28,789 --> 00:16:30,187 IS THEIR ALBUM "LIFE ROLLS ON." MUSIC FROM FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE. 314 00:16:30,257 --> 00:16:35,393 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A 315 00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:40,932 REAL LIVE LEGEND WITH TWO TONYS, THREE GRAMMYS, THREE EMMYS, AND 316 00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:45,136 FOUR GOLDEN GLOBES IN HER BREAKFAST NOOK, AND A NEW 317 00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:47,338 CHILDREN'S BOOK. "THE TALE OF THE MANDARIN DUCK" 318 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:51,209 IS AVAILABLE NOW. PLEASE WELCOME BETTE MIDLER! 319 00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:54,345 HI, BETTE, HOW ARE YOU? IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU. 320 00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:55,546 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> THANK YOU SO MUCH. 321 00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:58,550 IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU TOO. >> Jimmy: ARE YOU AT HOME, ARE 322 00:16:58,552 --> 00:17:03,554 YOU RESIDING AT HOME RIGHT NOW? >> I AM IN A HOME. 323 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,623 I KNOW. I'M IN A HOUSE UPSTATE. 324 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,826 >> Jimmy: GOTCHA. >> A LITTLE BIT OUTSIDE OF NEW 325 00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:08,426 YORK CITY. >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU BEEN 326 00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:09,560 VACCINATED? >> I HAVE. 327 00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:13,831 I HAVE, I HAD BOTH SHOTS. >> Jimmy: YOU'VE HAD BOTH, 328 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:14,966 GREAT, EXCELLENT. DO YOU FEEL OKAY? 329 00:17:14,968 --> 00:17:17,835 DO YOU HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECTS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT? 330 00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:21,973 >> I HAD MY ARM HURT A TITLENY LITTLE BIT, AND I WAS A LITIGATE 331 00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,508 TIRED A COUPLE OF DAYS, BUT I'M ALWAYS TIRED. 332 00:17:24,578 --> 00:17:28,246 I FEEL FINE AND I'M VERY RELIEVED, INCREDIBLY RELIEVED. 333 00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:31,516 JUST INCREDIBLY RELIEVED. I'M FEELING LIKE I CAN DO 334 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:32,851 ANYTHING, BUT OF COURSE I CAN'T. >> Jimmy: HOW LONG DO YOU HAVE 335 00:17:32,853 --> 00:17:35,453 TO WAIT AFTER THE SECOND SHOT BEFORE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE 336 00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:41,058 FULLY VACCINATED? >> I HAVE THE PFIZER, AND IT'S A 337 00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,460 TWO-WEEK WAIT. >> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO 338 00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:44,195 DO? ARE YOU GOING TO GO CRAZY, JUST 339 00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:48,399 HEAD OUT, START TRAVELING AND DOING THINGS? 340 00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:51,803 >> HAVE TONS OF ANONYMOUS SEX! >> Jimmy: YES! 341 00:17:51,805 --> 00:17:52,871 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> ACTUALLY, I HAVE NO IDEA. 342 00:17:52,873 --> 00:17:57,275 I HAVE NO IDEA. IT'S SO STRANGE. 343 00:17:57,343 --> 00:18:00,078 THE WHOLE LAST FEW YEARS HAVE BEEN SO BIZARRE. 344 00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:05,149 AND I FEEL THAT THERE'S A KIND OF A PALL OVER ALL OF US. 345 00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:08,285 >> Jimmy: YEAH. >> AND I DON'T EXACTLY KNOW WHEN 346 00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:10,488 I'M GOING TO RECOVER FROM THAT. IT'S GOING TO -- I'M JUST 347 00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:14,692 WORKING MY WAY THROUGH IT NOW. THE PANDEMIC IS THE LEAST OF IT, 348 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,627 YOU KNOW? I DON'T MEAN TO SAY -- I DON'T 349 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:21,432 MEAN TO PUT ANYBODY DOWN OR MAKE ANYBODY FEEL LESSER THAN. 350 00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:24,769 THE WHOLE THING IS SUCH A NIGHTMARE. 351 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:27,105 IT'S BEEN LIKE THIS FOR YEARS. >> Jimmy: YEAH. 352 00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:31,709 >> IN A FUNNY WAY, I FEEL LIKE A WAR, PART OF A BATTLE HAS ENDED, 353 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:34,379 BUT WE'RE STILL IN A WAR. >> Jimmy: YEAH. 354 00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,780 >> IT'S WEIRD. >> Jimmy: IT COULD HAVE BEEN 355 00:18:35,849 --> 00:18:37,315 WORSE. [ LAUGHTER ] 356 00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:39,784 >> COULD HAVE BEEN. COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE. 357 00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:40,986 >> Jimmy: WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? 358 00:18:41,054 --> 00:18:43,321 HOW HAVE YOU BEEN KEEPING BUSY? WHAT DO YOU DO EVERY DAY? 359 00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:48,059 >> WELL, DO I HAVE A REGIMEN? YOU KNOW, I DID -- I WAS 360 00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,395 ACTUALLY KIND OF SURPRISED AT HOW BUSY I WAS. 361 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:55,400 I DID A TON OF BENEFITS. I DID A THING FOR HBO. 362 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:58,937 I WROTE A BOOK, OR RATHER, I HELPED EDIT A BOOK. 363 00:18:58,939 --> 00:19:00,337 >> Jimmy: RIGHT. >> THIS BOOK THAT'S JUST COMING 364 00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:01,873 OUT. I DID A LOT. 365 00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:04,542 I WAS SURPRISED. I TRIED TO STAY -- MY DAUGHTER 366 00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:08,480 GOT MARRIED, THAT WAS BIG. >> Jimmy: YOUR DAUGHTER GOT 367 00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:09,680 MARRIED. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 368 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,549 I WOULD IMAGINE IT WASN'T NECESSARILY THE WAY YOU GUYS 369 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,751 EXPECTED. HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE AT THE 370 00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,220 WEDDING? >> TEN PEOPLE. 371 00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,687 >> Jimmy: TEN PEOPLE. >> 11 PEOPLE. 372 00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:17,889 11 PEOPLE. >> Jimmy: 11 PEOPLE. 373 00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:20,091 >> I WON'T CUT ANYBODY OUT. >> Jimmy: IN A WAY, I DON'T 374 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:24,228 KNOW, I FEEL LIKE IN A WAY YOU COULD SAY MAYBE YOU GOT LUCKY A 375 00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,431 LITTLE BIT, HAVING AN 11-PERSON WEDDING. 376 00:19:27,501 --> 00:19:28,966 [ LAUGHTER ] DID YOU GUYS PITCH IN AND DO ALL 377 00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:31,636 THE WEDDING STUFF YOURSELVES AS A FAMILY? 378 00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:34,238 >> YES, WE DID. YES, WE DID. 379 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:37,242 THEY CAME IN AND THEY SAID THEY HAD SOME NEWS FOR US. 380 00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:40,445 I'M THINKING, SHE'S PREGNANT. IT WASN'T THAT. 381 00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:42,646 SHE SAID THEY HAD DECIDED THEY WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED. 382 00:19:42,716 --> 00:19:45,316 OF COURSE WE WERE OVER THE MOON. THEN WE STARTED TALKING ABOUT 383 00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:47,852 IT. WE DIVIDED IT UP. 384 00:19:47,921 --> 00:19:51,322 MY HUSBAND DID THE FOOD. I DID THE FLOWERS. 385 00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:55,060 THEY ASKED THEIR FRIENDS TO JOIN THE UNIVERSAL LIFE AND BECOME 386 00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:57,195 MINISTERS, AND THEY WROTE THEIR OWN VOWS. 387 00:19:57,263 --> 00:19:59,530 IT WAS SO SWEET. IT WAS SO SWEET. 388 00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:03,334 AND TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, MY WEDDING WAS TWO PEOPLE. 389 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,670 MY HUSBAND AND ME. AND OF COURSE THE ELVIS 390 00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:09,206 IMPERSONATOR THAT MARRIED US. [ LAUGHTER ] 391 00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:17,482 WE ELOPED TO VEGAS. AND SO WE HAD NOBODY. 392 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,350 AND SHE HAD, YOU KNOW, TEN FRIENDS. 393 00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:23,488 SO I THINK, ACTUALLY -- I THINK THEY WERE BOTH WONDERFUL 394 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:26,290 WEDDINGS, BUT SHE WAS OVER THE MOON. 395 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,560 BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, SHE'S BEEN TO 50 WEDDINGS. 396 00:20:28,628 --> 00:20:30,495 MORE THAN 50 WEDDINGS. MAYBE 150 WEDDINGS. 397 00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:32,964 >> Jimmy: WOW. >> YOU KNOW, THAT'S A THING WITH 398 00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,298 KIDS. THEY GO ON THESE -- THEY MAKE 399 00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:37,702 THESE PLANS, THEY GET MARRIED IN THE WATER, THEY GET MARRIED IN 400 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:38,570 AN AIRPLANE, THEY JUMP OUT THE WINDOW. 401 00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:41,973 I MEAN, IT'S JUST CRAZY WHAT THEY DO. 402 00:20:41,975 --> 00:20:43,775 [ LAUGHTER ] AND SHE DIDN'T WANT TO DO THAT. 403 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,711 SHE JUST WANTED TO HAVE, YOU KNOW -- BE CIVILIZED. 404 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:50,315 AND THEY HAD A GREAT TIME. THEY JUST HAD A GREAT TIME. 405 00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:52,250 STAYED UP ALL NIGHT, DRANK, THEY HAD A BALL. 406 00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:55,053 >> Jimmy: YOU GOT MARRIED IN -- WHAT YEAR WAS IT YOU GOT MARRIED 407 00:20:55,055 --> 00:20:58,122 IN VEGAS? >> I WAS MARRIED IN 1984. 408 00:20:58,191 --> 00:21:00,859 >> Jimmy: OH, BOY. I WAS LIVING PROBABLY WITHIN 409 00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,194 MILES OF WHERE YOU GOT MARRIED IN 1984. 410 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:07,265 WAS IT LIKE A SPUR OF THE MOMENT-TYPE OF VEGAS WEDDING? 411 00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:08,399 >> YES. >> Jimmy: IT WAS. 412 00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:10,067 >> YES, IT WAS. YES, IT WAS. 413 00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:11,402 I ASKED HIM. >> Jimmy: WHAT TIME DID YOU GET 414 00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:15,473 MARRIED? >> WE -- WELL, I'LL TELL YOU 415 00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:17,475 WHAT HAPPENED. WE WENT AROUND -- HE GOT ALL 416 00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:21,078 DRESSED UP IN THIS SUIT. I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED WITH 417 00:21:21,147 --> 00:21:23,681 YOU, I'M NOT MARRYING YOU IN THAT SUIT! 418 00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:25,150 SO HE HAD TO CHANGE. HE HAD TO CHANGE HIS SUIT. 419 00:21:25,218 --> 00:21:28,953 THEN WE WENT TO THE -- ONE OF THE LITTLE CHURCHES. 420 00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:33,157 WE WENT TO GET THE LICENSE. AND WHEN WE GOT TO THE LICENSE, 421 00:21:33,226 --> 00:21:38,829 TO THE CIVIL CEREMONY, IT WAS A GIRL THERE, AND THERE WAS A 422 00:21:38,898 --> 00:21:41,832 WHOLE OTHER FAMILY. THERE WAS THE BOY, THEN HIS 423 00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:44,102 FAMILY. AND SHE DIDN'T HAVE ANYBODY, AND 424 00:21:44,170 --> 00:21:45,703 SHE WAS SOBBING HER EYES OUT. SHE WAS MISERABLE. 425 00:21:45,772 --> 00:21:48,306 SHE DIDN'T LOOK LIKE SHE WANTED TO GET MARRIED AT ALL. 426 00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:51,242 WE TURNED AROUND AND WENT OUT THE DOOR. 427 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:52,376 WE DIDN'T WANT TO BE PART OF THAT. 428 00:21:52,445 --> 00:21:54,646 SO THEN WE CAME BACK. AND WE DID THE CIVIL THING. 429 00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:59,984 THEN WE WENT TO THE -- NOT THE CHURCH OF HEAVENLY REST. 430 00:22:00,053 --> 00:22:04,322 THE STARLIGHT CHAPEL. I SIMPLY WENT TO THE STARLIGHT 431 00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:06,591 CHAPEL. THERE WERE A FEW CHAPELS AROUND 432 00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:07,458 VEGAS, YOU KNOW THAT, YOU GREW UP THERE. 433 00:22:07,527 --> 00:22:08,726 >> Jimmy: SURE. STILL ARE. 434 00:22:08,728 --> 00:22:16,800 >> AND HE WAS -- WE HAD NINO ROTA, A TAPE FROM JULIO THE 435 00:22:16,870 --> 00:22:19,470 SPIRITS, AND WE WALKED DOWN THE AISLE. 436 00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:22,473 THE ELVIS IMPERSONATOR DID THE CEREMONY. 437 00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:25,076 THEN WE WALKED OUT. THE FUNNY THING IS THERE WERE NO 438 00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:28,212 CELL PHONES IN 1984. WE HAD NO PICTURES. 439 00:22:28,281 --> 00:22:30,615 BUT APPARENTLY THERE WAS A PHOTOGRAPHER THERE. 440 00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:34,818 AND WHEN THE STARLIGHT CHAPEL CLOSED ITS DOORS, WHICH IS ABOUT 441 00:22:34,888 --> 00:22:37,355 FIVE YEARS AGO, THEY SENT US THE PICTURES. 442 00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:40,224 WE'VE NEVER SEEN THE PICTURES. >> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T BUY THE 443 00:22:40,226 --> 00:22:43,294 PACKAGE AT THE END OF THE DEAL? [ LAUGHTER ] 444 00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:46,964 >> ARE YOU KIDDING? >> Jimmy: WE HAVE THOSE 445 00:22:47,033 --> 00:22:48,699 PHOTOGRAPHS, I BELIEVE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 446 00:22:48,768 --> 00:22:51,836 THERE'S YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND IN THE SUIT YOU MADE HIM CHANGE 447 00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:53,637 INTO. >> YEAH, YEAH, YES. 448 00:22:53,707 --> 00:22:57,908 WELL, THE OTHER SUIT WAS A LITTLE, YOU KNOW -- A LITTLE, 449 00:22:57,977 --> 00:23:01,045 WHAT'S THE NAME -- HAROLD -- WHAT'S THE NAME OF THAT 450 00:23:01,113 --> 00:23:03,047 CHARACTER IN "MUSIC MAN"? A LITTLE BIT LIKE THAT. 451 00:23:03,115 --> 00:23:04,515 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE ASKING THE ABSOLUTE WORST PERSON. 452 00:23:04,583 --> 00:23:07,251 [ LAUGHTER ] >> PLEASE. 453 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:11,322 WELL, I USED TO KNOW, BUT I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE. 454 00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:15,526 I HAVE COVID BRAIN. I JUST DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING. 455 00:23:15,595 --> 00:23:18,196 >> Jimmy: DID YOU SING AT YOUR DAUGHTER'S WEDDING? 456 00:23:18,264 --> 00:23:21,666 >> OH, SHE WOULDN'T HAVE ME SING. 457 00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:23,667 >> Jimmy: REALLY? >> OH MY GOD, SHE SPENT THE 458 00:23:23,737 --> 00:23:26,270 FIRST FIVE YEARS OF HER LIFE SAYING, "MOMMY, DON'T SING." 459 00:23:26,339 --> 00:23:29,740 [ LAUGHTER ] I GOT THE PICTURE. 460 00:23:29,809 --> 00:23:33,744 NOW WE KIND OF SING TOGETHER, BUT OUR HARMONIES ARE A LITTLE 461 00:23:33,813 --> 00:23:38,749 BIT -- A LITTLE BIT WONKY. I'M LIKE -- I DON'T HAVE THE 462 00:23:38,818 --> 00:23:41,418 NOTES THAT I ONCE HAD. >> Jimmy: WELL -- 463 00:23:41,488 --> 00:23:44,489 >> WE LOVE IT. >> Jimmy: IF ONLY YOU HAD ANY 464 00:23:44,557 --> 00:23:45,823 SONGS THAT WERE APPROPRIATE FOR WEDDINGS. 465 00:23:45,892 --> 00:23:50,094 [ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, REALLY? 466 00:23:50,163 --> 00:23:53,965 >> Jimmy: I THINK YOU SANG AT ALL OUR FAMILY WEDDINGS, YOU 467 00:23:54,033 --> 00:23:59,370 JUST DON'T REALIZE IT. WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL MEET 468 00:23:59,372 --> 00:24:02,106 THE DUCK. BETTE MIDLER IS WITH US, THIS IS 469 00:24:02,175 --> 00:24:02,640 HER BOOK, "THE TALE OF THE MANDARIN DUCK." 470 00:24:02,709 --> 00:24:03,207 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. ♪ 471 00:24:07,113 --> 00:24:09,314 >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. EIZA GONZALEZ AND MUSIC FROM 472 00:24:09,382 --> 00:24:12,516 FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE ARE COMING UP. 473 00:24:12,585 --> 00:24:15,119 BETTE MIDLER IS WITH US. SHE IS THE AUTHOR OF THIS NEW 474 00:24:15,187 --> 00:24:21,191 BOOK FOR KIDS CALLED "THE TALE OF THE MANDARIN DUCK, A MODERN 475 00:24:21,261 --> 00:24:22,393 FABLE." I KNOW THIS IS A WEIRD THING, 476 00:24:22,462 --> 00:24:24,928 BUT THIS IS BASED ON A REAL DUCK, YEAH? 477 00:24:24,998 --> 00:24:29,733 >> YEAH, IT'S A TRUE SO STORY. WELL, NOT EXACTLY, IT'S A FABLE. 478 00:24:29,803 --> 00:24:33,137 BUT THAT'S A REAL BIRD. THAT DUCK ACTUALLY EXISTS IN 479 00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:34,739 NATURE. I HAD NEVER SEEN IT. 480 00:24:34,807 --> 00:24:37,408 >> Jimmy: THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL DUCK, I HAVE TO SAY. 481 00:24:37,410 --> 00:24:41,212 I MEAN, I'VE NEVER SEEN -- IT LOOKS LIKE IT MADE IT WITH A 482 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,948 PARROT OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. AND THIS IS A REAL SPECIES OF 483 00:24:44,016 --> 00:24:46,817 DUCK, THE MANDARIN DUCK? >> THEY'RE VERY WELL KNOWN IN 484 00:24:46,886 --> 00:24:52,089 THE EAST, IN THE FAR EAST, HAVING GREAT STATUS, THEY'RE 485 00:24:52,158 --> 00:24:55,826 CONSIDERED VERY LUCKY. AND THERE'S NEVER BEEN ONE HERE. 486 00:24:55,895 --> 00:25:00,564 NOBODY KNOWS WHERE HE CAME FROM. HE HAD A TAG, BUT HE'S A 487 00:25:00,633 --> 00:25:03,834 MYSTERIOUS DUCK. NO ONE CAME FORWARD TO CLAIM 488 00:25:03,903 --> 00:25:06,370 HIM. NO ZOO EVER SAID IT WAS THEIR 489 00:25:06,439 --> 00:25:09,840 DUCK AND NO HUMAN SAID, THAT'S MY DUCK. 490 00:25:09,909 --> 00:25:14,045 SO HE WAS QUITE MYSTERIOUS. THEN ONE DAY HE FLEW AWAY. 491 00:25:14,113 --> 00:25:18,983 BUT FIRST HE BROUGHT AN ENTIRE CITY TO THE CENTRAL PARK POND TO 492 00:25:19,051 --> 00:25:23,253 WATCH HIM DISPLAY HIS COLORS. >> Jimmy: NO WONDER HE LEFT. 493 00:25:23,323 --> 00:25:27,791 I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE, HE'S LIKE, WHAT ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE 494 00:25:27,861 --> 00:25:29,259 STARING AT ME FOR? DID YOU GO TO WATCH DID YOU SEE 495 00:25:29,329 --> 00:25:32,330 THE DUCK IN PERSON? >> I BELIEVE I WAS WORKING IN 496 00:25:32,398 --> 00:25:33,264 VEGAS. >> Jimmy: YOU WERE NOT THERE, 497 00:25:33,332 --> 00:25:36,467 OKAY, ALL RIGHT. THE DUCK WAS SHORT-LIVED IN 498 00:25:36,536 --> 00:25:42,739 CENTRAL PARK, BUT NOW LIVES FOREVER IN THIS CHILDREN'S BOOK. 499 00:25:42,809 --> 00:25:44,809 YOU WERE INSPIRED BY THE DUCK TO WRITE THIS BOOK? 500 00:25:44,811 --> 00:25:48,279 >> WELL, A FRIEND OF MINE, I WENT TO THANKSGIVING DINNER AND 501 00:25:48,281 --> 00:25:51,548 MY DINNER PARTNER WAS A GIRL THAT I KNEW BUT I DIDN'T KNOW 502 00:25:51,618 --> 00:25:53,817 SHE WAS A BIRDER. SHE SAID, YOU KNOW, I LOVEBIRDS, 503 00:25:53,887 --> 00:25:55,553 I GO TO THE PARK EVERY DAY, I PHOTOGRAPH BIRDS. 504 00:25:55,621 --> 00:26:00,691 I SAID, WHAT'D YOU SEE? SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE HAD -- SHE 505 00:26:00,693 --> 00:26:04,161 HAD BEEN DOCUMENTING THIS MANDARIN DUCK, HAD I SEEN IT? 506 00:26:04,163 --> 00:26:10,167 I HAD SEEN IN THE PAPER, THEY HAD TALKED ABOUT IT AS BEING A 507 00:26:10,236 --> 00:26:11,835 PHENOMENON. SHE SHOWED ME THE BIRD ON THE 508 00:26:11,905 --> 00:26:12,369 PHONE. AND I WAS ABSOLUTELY KNOCKED 509 00:26:12,438 --> 00:26:14,238 OUT. KNOCKED OUT. 510 00:26:14,307 --> 00:26:15,907 I'D NEVER SEEN A BIRD LIKE IT. >> Jimmy: YEAH. 511 00:26:15,909 --> 00:26:19,643 >> AND SHE SAID, I'D LOVE TO WRITE A CHILDREN'S BOOK, BUT I 512 00:26:19,712 --> 00:26:21,379 HATE WRITING. SO I SAID, OH, I LIKE TO WRITE, 513 00:26:21,381 --> 00:26:26,050 I'LL WRITE IT FOR YOU. AND I WENT HOME AND I KIND OF 514 00:26:26,118 --> 00:26:27,918 BANGED IT OUT. YOU KNOW. 515 00:26:27,987 --> 00:26:30,120 THAT NIGHT. BECAUSE IT WAS -- IT REALLY 516 00:26:30,189 --> 00:26:33,524 SPOKE TO ME. I HAVE TO SAY, THE LINE DRAWINGS 517 00:26:33,526 --> 00:26:35,860 ARE FANTASTIC. I KNOW YOU DID YOUR OWN LINE 518 00:26:35,928 --> 00:26:37,862 DRAWINGS FOR YOUR OWN. >> Jimmy: I WROTE ABOUT A GOOSE 519 00:26:37,930 --> 00:26:40,798 INSTEAD OF A DUCK, BUT I THINK WE'RE IN THE SAME GENERAL 520 00:26:40,867 --> 00:26:42,867 NEIGHBORHOOD TOGETHER. [ LAUGHTER ] 521 00:26:42,869 --> 00:26:46,137 >> YES, WE ARE, WE BOTH LOVEBIRDS. 522 00:26:46,205 --> 00:26:48,739 BUT YOU CAN REALLY DRAW, I CAN'T DRAW AT ALL. 523 00:26:48,807 --> 00:26:49,674 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, BETTE. YOU KNOW WHAT? 524 00:26:49,676 --> 00:26:53,277 I CAN'T SING. [ LAUGHTER ] 525 00:26:53,345 --> 00:26:55,078 OR DO ANYTHING, REALLY. HEY, BETTE. 526 00:26:55,148 --> 00:26:56,948 I DO WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT SOMETHING. 527 00:26:57,016 --> 00:26:59,082 BECAUSE I HAVE THIS "ROLLING STONE" MAGAZINE. 528 00:26:59,152 --> 00:27:03,087 YOU WERE ON THE COVER. THIS IS WHEN "ROLLING STONE" WAS 529 00:27:03,155 --> 00:27:06,823 PRINTED ON NEWS PRINT. THIS IS 48 YEARS AGO THIS WEEK, 530 00:27:06,893 --> 00:27:08,693 YOU WERE ON THE COVER OF "ROLLING STONE." 531 00:27:08,761 --> 00:27:14,298 IN IT YOU TALK ABOUT WATCHING YOURSELF ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW 532 00:27:14,367 --> 00:27:16,901 WITH JOHNNY CARSON." I WONDER, DO YOU REMEMBER MUCH 533 00:27:16,903 --> 00:27:19,770 ABOUT THAT, ABOUT THAT PARTICULAR FIRST TIME YOU WERE 534 00:27:19,839 --> 00:27:23,975 ON JOHNNY CARSON? >> YOU KNOW -- THERE WERE 535 00:27:23,977 --> 00:27:26,110 SEVERAL THINGS ABOUT JOHNNY CARSON. 536 00:27:26,178 --> 00:27:27,445 >> Jimmy: OKAY. >> I WENT TO THE AUDITION. 537 00:27:27,447 --> 00:27:32,049 THE FIRST TIME I HAD AN AUDITION, I WAS WEARING VINTAGE 538 00:27:32,118 --> 00:27:33,718 CLOTHES. I GOT OUT OF THE CAR, AND MY 539 00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:37,254 DRESS RIPPED ALL THE WAY ACROSS MY BUTT. 540 00:27:37,323 --> 00:27:38,456 >> Jimmy: OH, WOW. >> I SAID TO MY MANAGER, WHO 541 00:27:38,524 --> 00:27:42,993 WILL BE NAMELESS, OH MY GOD, MY DRESS IS RIPPED, LET ME HAVE -- 542 00:27:43,062 --> 00:27:46,063 LET ME HAVE -- WHAT DID I ASK HIM FOR? 543 00:27:46,132 --> 00:27:47,932 LET ME HAVE YOUR JACKET TO HIDE MY PANT TIZZ. 544 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,402 HE SAID, I CAN'T GO INTO "THE TONIGHT SHOW" WITHOUT A JACKET. 545 00:27:51,470 --> 00:27:55,072 I SAID, WHAT ABOUT MY ASS? [ LAUGHTER ] 546 00:27:55,074 --> 00:27:57,808 ANYWAY, HE WOULDN'T GIVE ME THE JACKET. 547 00:27:57,877 --> 00:28:00,745 AND I WENT INTO THE LADIES' ROOM, AND I ASKED A GIRL, SHE 548 00:28:00,813 --> 00:28:02,880 HAD A SAFETY PIN. THERE WERE NO SAFETY PINS. 549 00:28:02,949 --> 00:28:07,218 I TOOK A PAPER CLIP AND I SORT OF STITCHED MY DRESS TOGETHER. 550 00:28:07,220 --> 00:28:11,956 BY THE TIME I GOT OFF OF THAT AUDITION, I WAS SO ANGRY THAT I 551 00:28:12,024 --> 00:28:16,694 GAVE THE AUDITION LIFE. I MEAN, I WAS BIGGER THAN LIFE. 552 00:28:16,696 --> 00:28:18,963 I WAS GIANT. I WAS -- I REALLY GAVE IT MY 553 00:28:18,965 --> 00:28:21,231 ALL. I WAS LIVID. 554 00:28:21,300 --> 00:28:23,567 SO I GOT THE GIG. I GOT THE GIG. 555 00:28:23,636 --> 00:28:27,571 [ APPLAUSE ] AND THE FIRST I WENT, I DIDN'T 556 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:31,309 WEAR A BRA, AND I THINK I WAS BOUNCING UP AND DOWN. 557 00:28:31,377 --> 00:28:33,311 THIS WAS A SCANDAL. THIS WAS A BIG SCANDAL. 558 00:28:33,379 --> 00:28:36,180 I THINK THAT'S WHAT IT WAS. >> Jimmy: WOW. 559 00:28:36,248 --> 00:28:37,581 >> IT WAS A BIG -- A BIG SCANDAL. 560 00:28:37,650 --> 00:28:40,184 BUT HE ASKED ME BACK. >> Jimmy: AND YOU FIRED THE 561 00:28:40,186 --> 00:28:42,386 MANAGER, I ASSUME? >> ACTUALLY -- ACTUALLY, I 562 00:28:42,455 --> 00:28:47,925 DIDN'T. [ LAUGHTER ] 563 00:28:47,993 --> 00:28:49,459 LATER I FIRED THE MANAGER. >> Jimmy: OKAY. 564 00:28:49,529 --> 00:28:51,195 IT'S REALLY WONDERFUL TO HAVE YOU. 565 00:28:51,263 --> 00:28:53,331 "THE TALE OF THE MANDARIN DUCK" IS THE BOOK. 566 00:28:53,399 --> 00:28:55,999 IT'S AVAILABLE NOW. MISS BETTE MIDLER, EVERYBODY! 567 00:28:56,069 --> 00:28:59,003 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU, GREAT TO SEE YOU. 568 00:28:59,005 --> 00:29:03,407 WE'LL BE BACK WITH ACE INTRA G 569 00:29:03,475 --> 00:29:03,541 EIZA GONZALES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 570 00:29:07,613 --> 00:29:11,081 ♪ >> Jimmy: HELLO THERE, WELCOME 571 00:29:11,150 --> 00:29:14,017 BACK. MUSIC FROM FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE 572 00:29:14,087 --> 00:29:15,619 IS ON THE WAY. OUR NEXT GUEST IS ONE OF 573 00:29:15,688 --> 00:29:21,692 MEXICO'S MANY WONDERFUL GIFTS TO THEIR FRIENDS UP NORTH. 574 00:29:21,694 --> 00:29:22,760 YOU KNOW HER FROM "BABY DRIVER," "HOBBS & SHAW," AND STARTING 575 00:29:22,762 --> 00:29:23,827 FRIDAY, THE NEW NETFLIX MOVIE "I CARE A LOT." 576 00:29:23,896 --> 00:29:29,567 PLEASE WELCOME EIZA GONZALEZ. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 577 00:29:29,569 --> 00:29:38,175 ♪ >> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU? 578 00:29:38,244 --> 00:29:41,578 WELCOME, PLEASE. THANKS FOR COMING IN. 579 00:29:41,647 --> 00:29:46,116 >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. I'M OFFICIALLY SEEING YOU MORE 580 00:29:46,185 --> 00:29:47,250 THAN I'VE SEEN MY OWN FAMILY IN THIS PANDEMIC. 581 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:51,122 >> Jimmy: IS THAT TRUE? >> YOU WERE THE LAST PERSON I 582 00:29:51,190 --> 00:29:52,656 SAW RIGHT BEFORE THE SHUTDOWN OF THE PANDEMIC. 583 00:29:52,658 --> 00:29:57,795 >> Jimmy: REALLY? >> I'VE SEEN YOU MORE THAN I'VE 584 00:29:57,863 --> 00:29:59,129 SEEN MY ENTIRE FAMILY. >> Jimmy: YOUR MOM WAS HERE WITH 585 00:29:59,198 --> 00:30:00,798 YOU THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, WHICH WAS THE MIDDLE OF MARCH, 586 00:30:00,866 --> 00:30:03,334 AS YOU SAID, RIGHT BEFORE THE PANDEMIC. 587 00:30:03,336 --> 00:30:04,535 SHE WAS VISITING FROM MEXICO CITY? 588 00:30:04,537 --> 00:30:06,270 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: DID SHE GET BACK HOME, 589 00:30:06,338 --> 00:30:07,405 OR DID SHE GET STUCK HERE AT THE TIME? 590 00:30:07,473 --> 00:30:10,541 >> NO, SHE GOT STUCK HERE. >> Jimmy: SHE GOT STUCK. 591 00:30:10,609 --> 00:30:13,077 >> FOR SEVEN MONTHS. [ LAUGHTER ] 592 00:30:13,145 --> 00:30:17,148 IT WAS CRAZY. BECAUSE MY MOTHER IS A TRADITION 593 00:30:17,216 --> 00:30:21,218 NOW TO COME SEE YOU, BECAUSE SHE CARES ABOUT YOU. 594 00:30:21,286 --> 00:30:23,354 SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME, SHE CARES ABOUT YOU. 595 00:30:23,356 --> 00:30:28,091 [ LAUGHTER ] YOU MADE HER FAMOUS, TOO. 596 00:30:28,161 --> 00:30:29,426 SHE'S QUESTIONED AT AIRPLANES AND STUFF. 597 00:30:29,495 --> 00:30:32,696 SHE'S LIKE, I'M GOING TO COME AND BE FAMOUS. 598 00:30:32,698 --> 00:30:33,631 [ LAUGHTER ] SHE JUST CAME TO SEE YOU. 599 00:30:33,633 --> 00:30:35,833 I WAS HERE, SHE JUST CAME WITH A CARRY-ON. 600 00:30:35,901 --> 00:30:39,303 SHE'S LIKE, I'M COMING FOR FOUR DAYS FOR THE PREMIERE. 601 00:30:39,371 --> 00:30:42,373 THEN SHE STAYED FOR SEVEN MONTHS AND THE PANDEMIC, WHICH WAS 602 00:30:42,441 --> 00:30:43,573 WILD. [ LAUGHTER ] 603 00:30:43,643 --> 00:30:47,378 LIVING WITH YOUR MOTHER AGAIN AT 30 ISN'T THE GREATEST. 604 00:30:47,380 --> 00:30:48,779 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HOW MUCH DID YOUR 605 00:30:48,848 --> 00:30:49,780 MOTHER GIVE YOU FOR VALENTINE'S DAY? 606 00:30:49,782 --> 00:30:54,051 [ LAUGHTER ] >> MY MOTHER ISN'T AS NICE AS 607 00:30:54,119 --> 00:30:56,720 YOUR MOTHER. I HAVE A MEXICAN MOTHER. 608 00:30:56,722 --> 00:31:01,725 SHE THREW ME A CHUNCLA. JUST KIDDING. 609 00:31:01,794 --> 00:31:03,461 >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE A MEXICAN MOTHER. 610 00:31:03,529 --> 00:31:06,330 >> Guillermo: SHE GAVE ME $100. >> THAT'S BETTER THAN MY MOM HAS 611 00:31:06,398 --> 00:31:08,732 EVER GIVEN ME. >> Guillermo: OH MY GOD. 612 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,401 >> MY MOM IS REAL SWEET, SHE'S GREAT. 613 00:31:10,469 --> 00:31:13,671 >> Jimmy: I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT, YOU EXPECT HER TO BE HERE FOR 614 00:31:13,673 --> 00:31:15,939 FOUR DAYS, THEN IT'S SEVEN MONTHS. 615 00:31:16,008 --> 00:31:18,208 IT MIGHT BE DIFFICULT. WHAT WAS THE MOST DIFFICULT PART 616 00:31:18,277 --> 00:31:20,410 OF BEING WITH YOUR MOM FOR SEVEN MONTHS? 617 00:31:20,479 --> 00:31:24,682 >> WELL, THE THING IS, IT WAS REALLY FUNNY. 618 00:31:24,750 --> 00:31:29,220 IT EVENTUALLY BECAME, LIKE LIVING WITH YOUR MOTHER AT 15, 619 00:31:29,288 --> 00:31:31,021 NOW 30. IT WAS REVERSING ROLES, WHICH IS 620 00:31:31,089 --> 00:31:34,491 REALLY FUN, I'VE GOT TO SAY. NOW SHE LIVES AT MY HOME. 621 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,226 >> Jimmy: I SEE. >> WHICH IS GREAT. 622 00:31:36,295 --> 00:31:39,163 IT'S THIS POWER DYNAMIC CHANGE, REALLY. 623 00:31:39,165 --> 00:31:40,964 IT WAS REALLY FUN FOR ME. [ LAUGHTER ] 624 00:31:41,033 --> 00:31:44,768 SHE'D BE LIKE, I'M GOING TO -- I'M LIKE, YOU CANNOT LEAVE THIS 625 00:31:44,770 --> 00:31:47,304 HOME. SHE'S LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 626 00:31:47,372 --> 00:31:48,572 YOU ARE IN THE THIRD AGE, YOU ARE HIGH RISK. 627 00:31:48,641 --> 00:31:52,576 SHE'S LIKE, NOW I FEEL LIKE A CHILD, LIKE THIS IS COMPLETELY 628 00:31:52,645 --> 00:31:58,448 HOW YOU -- AND I WAS LIKE, YOU TREATED ME LIKE THIS FOR 15 629 00:31:58,517 --> 00:31:59,583 YEARS, I GET TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU. 630 00:31:59,651 --> 00:32:03,320 >> Jimmy: MY ROOF, MY RULES. >> I HAVEN'T LIVED WITH MY 631 00:32:03,388 --> 00:32:08,459 MOTHER SINCE I WAS 15. I LEFT MEXICO AND MY HOME PRETTY 632 00:32:08,527 --> 00:32:09,527 YOUNG. IT WAS REALLY INTERESTING 633 00:32:09,595 --> 00:32:11,862 BECAUSE NOW, IMAGINE SEVEN MONTHS OF QUARANTINE. 634 00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:14,131 YOU'RE TRYING TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE. 635 00:32:14,133 --> 00:32:18,469 AND, LIKE, DATING WAS HARD. CAN YOU -- LIKE I HAD TO SNEAK 636 00:32:18,537 --> 00:32:21,138 OUT OF MY HOUSE. MY OWN HOUSE. 637 00:32:21,207 --> 00:32:23,807 TO SEE SOMEONE I LIKE. >> Jimmy: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO 638 00:32:23,876 --> 00:32:26,343 SNEAK? BECAUSE YOU MOM DIDN'T WANT YOU 639 00:32:26,412 --> 00:32:27,811 GOING OUT? >> SHE'D BE LIKE, WHO ARE YOU 640 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,013 WITH? ARE THEY BEING COVID SAFE? 641 00:32:30,082 --> 00:32:32,283 >> Jimmy: RIGHT. >> ALL THESE NEW QUESTIONS. 642 00:32:32,285 --> 00:32:34,218 LIKE, YES, MOM. I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT, THIS 643 00:32:34,286 --> 00:32:36,486 IS MY HOUSE! IT'S COMPLICATED. 644 00:32:36,555 --> 00:32:38,422 >> Jimmy: MOM'S BACK HOME IN MEXICO? 645 00:32:38,490 --> 00:32:41,625 >> SHE IS BACK HOME. SHE WAS OVER IT. 646 00:32:41,693 --> 00:32:43,493 SHE WAS OVER BEING A CHILD WITH ME. 647 00:32:43,562 --> 00:32:45,429 >> Jimmy: I SEE. >> BUT I REALLY ABUSED IT, WHICH 648 00:32:45,497 --> 00:32:46,830 WAS FUN. AND SHE WAS OKAY WITH IT. 649 00:32:46,898 --> 00:32:50,701 I THINK SHE DESERVED IT. AND SHE'S BACK HOME, WHICH IS 650 00:32:50,769 --> 00:32:51,835 SAD. BUT YOU KNOW. 651 00:32:51,904 --> 00:32:54,972 I'M HAPPY THAT SHE'S SAFE. COVID SAFE. 652 00:32:54,974 --> 00:32:58,842 IT'S BEEN REALLY GOOD. I HONESTLY ENJOYED BEING WITH MY 653 00:32:58,910 --> 00:33:00,978 MOTHER FOR A LONG TIME. >> Jimmy: COVID SAFE, YES. 654 00:33:01,046 --> 00:33:03,580 SAFE I'M NOT SURE ABOUT. YOU POSTED THIS VIDEO TO 655 00:33:03,649 --> 00:33:05,115 INSTAGRAM. LET'S ROLL THAT VIDEO. 656 00:33:05,183 --> 00:33:08,918 YOU ON A BIKE. SOMEONE IS FILMING YOU ON THE 657 00:33:08,988 --> 00:33:13,323 BIKE. YOU WERE POSING ON THE BICYCLE. 658 00:33:13,392 --> 00:33:14,325 >> OH GOD. >> Jimmy: THEN YOU'RE OFF THE 659 00:33:14,327 --> 00:33:15,326 BICYCLE. ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU ARE NOW NOT 660 00:33:15,394 --> 00:33:20,931 ON THE BICYCLE ANYMORE. WHY WAS THAT HAPPENING IN THE 661 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,667 FIRST PLACE? >> WELL, LET ME EXPLAIN MYSELF. 662 00:33:23,735 --> 00:33:27,004 >> Jimmy: OKAY. >> SO BASICALLY THIS IS A 663 00:33:27,006 --> 00:33:29,473 PERFECT DISPLAY OF HOW BASIC I CAN BE. 664 00:33:29,541 --> 00:33:33,277 AND I THINK THAT WAS -- IT WAS IMPORTANT TO PUT ON SCREEN 665 00:33:33,279 --> 00:33:37,281 BECAUSE I WAS JUST ENJOYING A NICE LITTLE BIKE RIDE. 666 00:33:37,283 --> 00:33:39,950 AND I SWEAR I KNOW HOW TO RIDE A BIKE, I PROMISE. 667 00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:42,018 [ LAUGHTER ] I'VE DONE THIS BEFORE. 668 00:33:42,088 --> 00:33:44,421 I DO HARDER THINGS, LIKE DRIVING. 669 00:33:44,490 --> 00:33:47,091 >> Jimmy: A CAR, YES. >> A CAR, A REAL CAR. 670 00:33:47,159 --> 00:33:49,893 >> Jimmy: YEAH. >> EVEN THOUGH THAT DOESN'T SEEM 671 00:33:49,962 --> 00:33:53,831 LIKE I CAN DO IT REALLY WELL. I WAS ENJOYING MY AFTERNOON WITH 672 00:33:53,833 --> 00:33:57,301 BEST FRIEND DAVE, OH, SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S HAVING A GOOD TIME, 673 00:33:57,303 --> 00:34:00,771 STARTED TAKING VIDEO. YOU CAN SEE I REALIZE SOMEONE'S 674 00:34:00,839 --> 00:34:02,439 TAKING A VIDEO OF ME, SO I WANT TO FEEL MYSELF. 675 00:34:02,508 --> 00:34:09,113 THEN I HAVE THIS CUTE LITTLE CHERRY HAT, OH, I'M GOING TO 676 00:34:09,181 --> 00:34:10,647 MODEL THIS. THEN I REALIZED I PULLED IT A 677 00:34:10,716 --> 00:34:13,516 LITTLE BIT TOO LOW SO I COULDN'T SEE THE ROAD. 678 00:34:13,586 --> 00:34:14,718 BUT YOU SEE IT THERE. >> Jimmy: YEAH. 679 00:34:14,787 --> 00:34:18,922 >> BUT I REALLY COMMITTED, AND I COMMITTED AND COULDN'T GRAB THE 680 00:34:18,924 --> 00:34:20,124 HANDLE, BECAUSE I COULDN'T SEE IT. 681 00:34:20,126 --> 00:34:22,860 THEN I LOOKED IN BETWEEN THAT LITTLE SPACE AND I SAW A CAR. 682 00:34:22,928 --> 00:34:26,263 THEN IT JUST WENT -- YOU KNOW. >> Jimmy: DAVE'S LUCKY HE WASN'T 683 00:34:26,265 --> 00:34:29,933 KILLED VIDEOTAPING YOU WHILE HE WAS RIDING A BIKE. 684 00:34:30,002 --> 00:34:33,404 >> YOU CAN HEAR HIM VERY CONCERNED, "OH, NO!" 685 00:34:33,472 --> 00:34:36,407 WHICH IS REALLY FUNNY BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE LAUGHED MY BUTT OFF. 686 00:34:36,409 --> 00:34:38,942 >> Jimmy: AT DAVE YEAH. YOU DID SEEM TO LAND ON BODY 687 00:34:38,944 --> 00:34:40,677 YOUR FEED. >> YEAH, LIKE A CAT. 688 00:34:40,746 --> 00:34:42,679 YOU CAN SEE I GOT A LITTLE BRUISED. 689 00:34:42,748 --> 00:34:45,148 >> YOU DID. THAT'S NOT A LITTLE BRUISE. 690 00:34:45,217 --> 00:34:47,016 >> THERE'S A MASSIVE BRUISE ON MY KNEE. 691 00:34:47,086 --> 00:34:48,619 THERE YOU GO. >> Jimmy: YEAH. 692 00:34:48,687 --> 00:34:50,354 >> DON'T RIDE A BIKE AND TAKE VIDEOS OF YOURSELF FOR 693 00:34:50,422 --> 00:34:52,756 INSTAGRAM, IT'S NOT WORTH IT. >> Jimmy: DON'T EVER EXERCISE, 694 00:34:52,825 --> 00:34:55,759 REALLY, IS THE MESSAGE. >> TRULY THAT REALLY HELPS TOO. 695 00:34:55,761 --> 00:34:57,161 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU ARE IN THIS MOVIE. 696 00:34:57,229 --> 00:35:01,031 I SAW THE MOVIE TODAY. IT WAS A LOT OF FUN TO WATCH. 697 00:35:01,100 --> 00:35:05,235 I WAS SURPRISED TO LEARN THAT IT'S BASED ON A TRUE STORY. 698 00:35:05,237 --> 00:35:10,774 BECAUSE THE SUBJECT MATTER IS THIS COUPLE, THESE WOMEN. 699 00:35:10,843 --> 00:35:12,910 ONE OF THEM ESPECIALLY IS SWINDLING OLD PEOPLE OUT OF 700 00:35:12,978 --> 00:35:13,844 THEIR MONEY. >> YEAH. 701 00:35:13,912 --> 00:35:15,112 MY WIFE. >> Jimmy: YES, YOUR WIFE. 702 00:35:15,180 --> 00:35:19,315 >> WHO YOU'RE GOING TO BE WITH TOMORROW, WHICH I'M REALLY 703 00:35:19,385 --> 00:35:21,785 EXCITED. >> WELL, WE'LL BE TALKING, YEAH. 704 00:35:21,787 --> 00:35:23,052 [ LAUGHTER ] >> NOT PHYSICALLY. 705 00:35:23,122 --> 00:35:25,655 NOT "BE WITH" MY WIFE. PLEASE. 706 00:35:25,724 --> 00:35:26,790 >> Jimmy: THIS IS LIKE -- THIS IS SOMETHING THAT WENT ON, GOES 707 00:35:26,859 --> 00:35:27,991 ON. >> YEAH. 708 00:35:28,060 --> 00:35:30,327 >> Jimmy: AND CAN WE SAY THE OTHER PART OF IT OR NOT? 709 00:35:30,329 --> 00:35:33,597 >> I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT. I THINK THIS IS A MOVIE THAT 710 00:35:33,665 --> 00:35:37,934 BRINGS AWARENESS TO A CONVERSATION THAT I THINK IS 711 00:35:38,003 --> 00:35:41,938 TRENDING BECAUSE OF THE BRITNEY DOCUMENTARY, CONSERVATORSHIP AND 712 00:35:42,007 --> 00:35:46,677 HOW WE MANAGE ELDERLY -- >> Jimmy: OLDER PEOPLE WHO ARE 713 00:35:46,745 --> 00:35:50,213 IN A CONSERVATORSHIP. >> THE SYSTEM IS BUILT IN A WAY, 714 00:35:50,282 --> 00:35:52,549 IF YOU FIND THE LOOPHOLES, YOU ARE NOT TECHNICALLY BREAKING THE 715 00:35:52,618 --> 00:35:56,220 LAW, BUT YOU'RE GETTING A WAY WITH BREAKING THE SYSTEM. 716 00:35:56,222 --> 00:35:59,022 IT'S A DARK SATIRE. BUT IT'S ULTIMATELY BRINGING 717 00:35:59,024 --> 00:36:03,493 THIS SUBJECT MATTER UP TO AWARENESS TO PEOPLE THAT I DON'T 718 00:36:03,562 --> 00:36:06,497 THINK IS IN CONSTANT CONVERSATION IN A REALLY FUN 719 00:36:06,499 --> 00:36:08,899 WAY, BECAUSE THE CONVERSATION IS ALREADY DARK ITSELF. 720 00:36:08,967 --> 00:36:12,702 >> Jimmy: SO YOU'RE SAYING IF PEOPLE WATCH THIS THEY'LL LEARN 721 00:36:12,771 --> 00:36:16,106 HOW TO SWINDLE OLD PEOPLE TOO? >> OH, SURE. 722 00:36:16,174 --> 00:36:17,106 [ LAUGHTER ] THAT AS WELL. 723 00:36:17,176 --> 00:36:20,310 I MEAN, I GUESS. I MEAN, AND THAT'S SO FUNNY, 724 00:36:20,379 --> 00:36:24,247 BECAUSE THERE'S THIS REALLY FUNNY LINE ABOUT HOW WE TREAT 725 00:36:24,316 --> 00:36:29,987 OLDER PEOPLE WITH CERTAIN RESPECT JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE 726 00:36:29,989 --> 00:36:31,121 OLDER. AND THIS MOVIE JUST DEALS WITH 727 00:36:31,190 --> 00:36:34,191 THE CHARACTERS AND ANTI-HEROES IN SUCH A SMART WAY THAT WE 728 00:36:34,259 --> 00:36:39,596 DON'T HAVE TO ROOT FOR PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY'RE OLD OR THIS OR 729 00:36:39,664 --> 00:36:40,730 THAT, THAT WE'RE ALL INHERENTLY BAD. 730 00:36:40,799 --> 00:36:45,602 I LOVE THAT IT GAINS WITH PEOPLE, YOU'RE INHERENTLY BAD. 731 00:36:45,670 --> 00:36:47,537 IF YOU ACCEPT IT -- THE STARTS WITH THAT LINE. 732 00:36:47,606 --> 00:36:49,807 "LOOK AT YOU SITTING THERE THINKING YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON, 733 00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:51,742 YOU'RE NOT." I THINK THAT'S ULTIMATELY HOW WE 734 00:36:51,744 --> 00:36:54,411 CONDUCT SOCIETY, AND MORE THAN EVER WE'RE LIKE, YEAH, THIS IS 735 00:36:54,479 --> 00:36:56,480 WHO WE ARE. >> Jimmy: DO YOU THINK WE'RE 736 00:36:56,548 --> 00:36:58,615 INHERENTLY BAD? >> I DO, GO. 737 00:36:58,684 --> 00:37:00,817 [ LAUGHTER ] I I THINK WE LIKE TO BELIEVE 738 00:37:00,886 --> 00:37:03,887 WE'RE NOT, YOU KNOW? IT'S BETTER IF WE JUST ACCEPT 739 00:37:03,955 --> 00:37:05,622 IT. WE'RE INHERENTLY BAD AND GOOD 740 00:37:05,624 --> 00:37:06,757 AND WE'RE NO HEROES AND THAT'S OKAY. 741 00:37:06,825 --> 00:37:08,959 >> Jimmy: I GOTCHA, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 742 00:37:09,027 --> 00:37:13,297 I WAS GOING TO SAY, A CYNICAL WAY OF LOOKING AT LIFE. 743 00:37:13,365 --> 00:37:14,431 BUT THAT'S THE WAY TO LOOK AT IT. 744 00:37:14,499 --> 00:37:20,103 THE MOVIE "I CARE A LOT" PREMIERES FRIDAY ON NETFLIX. 745 00:37:20,172 --> 00:37:24,508 IS INTRA GONZALEZ. BE RIGHT BACK WITH FLORIDA 746 00:37:24,576 --> 00:37:28,311 GEORGIA LINE. >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL 747 00:37:28,380 --> 00:37:30,313 LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ. 748 00:37:30,382 --> 00:37:34,117 THE WEST OR NOTHING. >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL 749 00:37:34,186 --> 00:37:39,122 LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ. 750 00:37:39,124 --> 00:37:42,059 THE BEST OR NOTHING. >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. 751 00:37:42,061 --> 00:37:48,932 THE ALBUM IS CALLED "LIFE ROLLS ON." 752 00:37:49,001 --> 00:37:50,533 FROM NASHVILLE WITH THE SONG "LONG LIVE," FLORIDA GEORGIA 753 00:37:50,603 --> 00:37:55,539 LINE! ♪ 754 00:37:55,607 --> 00:37:58,609 ♪ ♪ OH YEAH LET'S GO 755 00:37:58,611 --> 00:38:04,080 ♪ ♪ 756 00:38:04,149 --> 00:38:06,750 ♪ YEAH IT'S A FRIDAY NIGHT WE CIRCLED UP 757 00:38:06,752 --> 00:38:10,887 IT'S GOING DOWN 'ROUND THESE PICKUP TRUCKS ♪ 758 00:38:10,956 --> 00:38:15,025 ♪ YEAH IT'S COLD CANS AND DIXIE CUPS 759 00:38:15,027 --> 00:38:17,494 JUST OUT HERE DOIN' WHAT WE'VE ALWAYS DONE ♪ 760 00:38:17,563 --> 00:38:19,629 ♪ LONG LIVE ALL THE SMALL TOWNERS 761 00:38:19,698 --> 00:38:27,103 SUNUP TO SUNDOWNERS THAT OLD SCHOOL ♪ 762 00:38:27,172 --> 00:38:28,171 ♪ HAGGARD AND HANK LONG LIVE LONGNECK BOTTLES 763 00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:31,041 AND WIDE-OPEN THROTTLES AND OLD DIRT ♪ 764 00:38:31,043 --> 00:38:39,049 ♪ ROADS WITH NO NAME LONG LIVE THEM COUNTRY GIRLS 765 00:38:39,117 --> 00:38:42,185 LONG LEGS AND CUT-UP JEANS LONG LIVE THIS ♪ 766 00:38:42,254 --> 00:38:44,053 ♪ WAY OF LIFE LONG LIVE NIGHTS LIKE THESE 767 00:38:44,123 --> 00:38:46,523 LONG LIVE LONG LIVE LONG LIVE ♪ 768 00:38:46,525 --> 00:38:50,327 ♪ LONG LIVE NIGHTS LIKE THESE 769 00:38:50,395 --> 00:38:54,597 LONG LIVE THE WALMART PARKING LOT ♪ 770 00:38:54,667 --> 00:38:56,333 ♪ TURNING TO THE MIDNIGHT PARTY SPOT 771 00:38:56,401 --> 00:39:00,603 LONG LIVE HARD WORK WHEN IT PAYS OFF ♪ 772 00:39:00,673 --> 00:39:05,542 ♪ AND LIVING IT UP ON YOUR DAYS OFF 773 00:39:05,611 --> 00:39:07,010 LONG LIVE ALL THE SMALL TOWNERS ♪ 774 00:39:07,079 --> 00:39:09,278 ♪ SUNUP TO SUNDOWNERS THAT OLD SCHOOL 775 00:39:09,348 --> 00:39:12,015 HAGGARD AND HANK LONG LIVE LONGNECK BOTTLES ♪ 776 00:39:12,017 --> 00:39:17,487 ♪ AND WIDE-OPEN THROTTLES AND OLD DIRT ROADS 777 00:39:17,555 --> 00:39:23,026 WITH NO NAME LONG LIVE THEM ♪ 778 00:39:23,095 --> 00:39:25,696 ♪ COUNTRY GIRLS LONG LEGS AND CUT-UP JEANS 779 00:39:25,764 --> 00:39:29,766 LONG LIVE THIS WAY OF LIFE LONG LIVE NIGHTS ♪ 780 00:39:29,768 --> 00:39:44,581 ♪ LIKE THESE ♪ 781 00:39:44,583 --> 00:39:46,116 ♪ LONG LIVE THEM GORILY DAYS ON THEM BACK FORTY DAYS 782 00:39:46,184 --> 00:39:47,851 ALL THEM PASS IT 'ROUND ♪ ♪ PASS IT DOWN STORY DAYS 783 00:39:47,919 --> 00:39:49,786 LONG LIVE ALL THE SMALL TOWNERS 784 00:39:49,854 --> 00:39:52,589 SUNUP TO SUNDOWNERS ♪ ♪ THAT OLD SCHOOL 785 00:39:52,591 --> 00:39:57,394 HAGGARD AND HANK LONG LIVE LONGNECK BOTTLES 786 00:39:57,396 --> 00:39:59,930 AND WIDE-OPEN THROTTLES ♪ ♪ AND OLD DIRT 787 00:39:59,932 --> 00:40:02,999 ROADS WITH NO NAME LONG LIVE THEM COUNTRY GIRLS 788 00:40:03,001 --> 00:40:08,071 LONG LEGS ♪ ♪ AND CUT-UP JEANS 789 00:40:08,139 --> 00:40:09,673 LONG LIVE THIS WAY OF LIFE LONG LIVE NIGHTS 790 00:40:09,741 --> 00:40:13,877 LIKE THESE ♪ ♪ LONG LIVE LONG LIVE 791 00:40:13,945 --> 00:40:18,815 LONG LIVE LONG LIVE NIGHTS 792 00:40:18,884 --> 00:40:19,750 LIKE THESE ♪ >> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK 793 00:40:25,223 --> 00:40:28,958 BETTE MIDLER, EIZA GONZALEZ, AND FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE, APOLOGIES 794 00:40:29,027 --> 00:40:29,826 TO MATT DAMON. WE RAN OUT OF TIME FOR HIM. 795 00:40:29,828 --> 00:40:30,427 "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT. SO CRANK IT UP. 796 00:40:30,495 --> 00:40:51,247 THANKS FOR WATCHING, GOOD NIGHT.