>> Dicky: FROM HOL, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE."
TONIGHT, WANDA SYKES. LUCAS HEDGES.
MUSIC FROM WAXAHATCHEE. AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
>> Jimmy: HI, EVERYONE. I'M JIMMY. I'M THE HOST.
THANKS FOR WATCHING. THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.
AS THE CIRCUS CAME BACK TO TOWN IN WASHINGTON FOR THE SECOND
IMPEACHMENT TRIAL OF DONALD O. J. TRUMP.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OUR CRAZY EX‐PRESIDENT WAS BACK IN THE HOT SEAT.
HIS LAWYERS DEFENDING THE INDEFENSIBLE.
THE OUTCOME PREDETERMINED. WE ALREADY KNOW THE REPUBLICANS
WON'T HAVE THE NUTS TO CONVICT HIM.
THIS TELLS YOU ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT HOW SERIOUSLY MOST OF
THESE REPUBLICAN SENATORS ARE TAKING THIS.
RAND PAUL WAS SITTING THERE WITH NO MASK ON DOODLING SQUIGGLY
LINES ON A WHITE PAD OF PAPER. MAYBE HE WAS DRAWING UP SOME NEW
HAIRSTYLES. I DON'T KNOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE TRUTH IS MOST OF THESE REPUBLICAN SENATORS, THE VAST
MAJORITY OF THEM, WANT DONALD TRUMP TO BE IMPEACHED.
THEY KNOW WHAT HE DID AND THEY VERY MUCH WANT HIM TO GO AWAY.
THERE IS NOTHING THEY WOULD LIKE MORE THAN FOR TRUMP TO BE
LEGALLY PREVENTED FROM EVER RUNNING AGAIN.
THE REASON THEY'RE EVEN HAVING THIS TRIAL IS BECAUSE HE SENT
MANIACS ON A PANTY RAID OF THEIR OFFICE.
THEY'RE JUST TOO AFRAID TO DO THE RIGHT THING BECAUSE TRUMP
AND HIS BAG OF BOILED NUTS WILL THEN TARGET THEM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEY SAW WHAT HAPPENED TO MIKE PENCE AND THEY'RE AFRAID.
THE SAD TRUTH IS, THEY'RE A BUNCH OF COWARDS.
THIS TRIAL STARTED WITH A VERY POWERFUL VIDEO, WE SAW
DONALD TRUMP INCITE A CROWD, WHICH THEN STORMED THE CAPITOL
AND VIOLENTLY ATTACKED POLICE.
>> THE CONSTITUTION SAYS YOU HAVE TO PROTECT OUR COUNTRY, AND
YOU HAVE TO PROTECT OUR CONSTITUTION, AND YOU CAN'T VOTE
ON FRAUD. AND FRAUD BREAKS UP EVERYTHING,
DOESN'T IT? WHEN YOU CATCH SOMEBODY IN THE
FRAUD, YOU'RE ALLOWED TO GO BY VERY DIFFERENT RULES.
SO I HOPE MIKE HAS THE COURAGE TO DO WHAT HE HAS TO DO.
WE FIGHT. WEFYING LIKE HELL. IF YOU DON'T FIGHT LIKE HELL,
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE A COUNTRY ANYMORE.
>> Jimmy: AND REALLY THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN IT RIGHT THERE.
THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE, GUILTY. HE SICCED HIS DOGS ON HIS
POODLE. BUT IT WASN'T. THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS.
REPRESENTATIVE JAMIE RASKIN SAID IF TRUMP'S ACTIONS TO INCITE THE
CAPITOL RIOT ARE NOT CONSIDERED TO BE AN IMPEACHABLE OFFENSE,
THEN THERE'S NO SUCH THING. AND REPUBLICANS WERE LIKE "OKAY,
THERE'S NO SUCH THING!" GREAT, LET'S GO HOME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU ALMOST FEEL SORRY FOR THESE GUYS, TRYING TO DEFEND HIM, A
PLAINLY GUILTY MAN. ALAN DERSHOWITZ, WHO REPRESENTED
TRUMP IN HIS FIRST IMPEACHMENT, FLOATED A VERY CREATIVE WAY OF
LOOKING AT THIS.
>> PRESIDENT TRUMP DIDN'T INCITE PEOPLE TO COME TO THE CAPITOL,
HE INVITED THE PEOPLE. NOT INCITE. INVITE.
HE SAID, COME PEACEFULLY AND PATRIOTIC, PROTEST.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT, RIGHT. IT WASN'T AN INSURRECTION.
IT WAS AN IN‐SOIRÉE!
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT ARGUMENT WAS ACTUALLY BETTER THAN ANYTHING TRUMP'S
LAWYERS HAD TO SAY. TWO TRUMP LAWYERS SPOKE.
BRUCE CASTOR JR., THE FORMER DISTRICT ATTORNEY WHO
FAMOUSLY DECLINED TO PROSECUTE BILL COSBY.
AND DAVID SCHOEN, WHO FAMOUSLY REPPED JEFFREY EPSTEIN, FORMED
THE DYNAMIC DUO HE HIRED TO SUCK ALL THE OXYGEN OUT OF THE ROOM.
CASTOR WAS THE WORST, HE SPENT 15 MINUTES JUST FLATTERING THE
SENATORS. WATCHING THIS GUY GO WAS LIKE A
"SEINFELD" ROUTINE WITHOUT THE PUNCHLINES.
>> YOU EVER NOTICE HOW, WHEN YOU'RE TALKING OR YOU HEAR
OTHERS TALKING ABOUT YOU WHEN YOU'RE HOME IN YOUR STATE, THEY
WILL SAY, YOU KNOW, I TALKED TO MY SENATOR.
THAT'S NOT JUST PAT TOOMEY OF PENNSYLVANIA.
THAT'S MY SENATOR FROM PENNSYLVANIA. THAT'S MY SENATOR.
>> Jimmy: HIDING UNDER HER DESK BECAUSE VIOLENT TRUMP SUPPORTERS
STORMED HER OFFICE. BRUCE CASTOR, I HAVE TO BELIEVE
TRUMP IS ON THE PHONE YELLING AT HIM RIGHT NOW. AS WE SPEAK.
HE DOES NOT SEEM TO BE ONE OF THE "ONLY THE BEST."
>> BUT THERE ISN'T A SINGLE ONE OF YOU WHO, "A," DOESN'T
CONSIDER YOURSELF A PATRIOT OF THE UNITED STATES. AND TWO ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
THERE ISN'T A SINGLE ONE OF YOU ‐‐
>> Jimmy: HELP ME FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY, "A" AND
"TWO." TRUMP WAS REPORTED TO BE DEEPLY
UNHAPPY AND ALMOST SCREAMING AT THE TELEVISION DURING THE TRIAL,
SO THOSE GUYS AREN'T GETTING PAID.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO SEE. THE TRIAL IS BORING.
HIM WATCHING THE TRIAL. THAT'S WHERE THE ACTION IS.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING. I WANT TO KNOW WHERE HE WAS
WATCHING, WHAT HE WAS WEARING. DID HE PUT ON A SUIT AND THE
EXTRA‐LONG TIE? GET HIS JOWLS ALL TANNED UP?
[ LAUGHTER ]
WAS HE IN A PAIR OF MAGA SWEATPANTS WITH AN OREO BLIZZARD
IN HIS LAP? I DON'T KNOW ABOUBUT I WANT TO.
THE SENATE VOTED 56‐44 THAT THE TRIAL IS CONSTITUTIONAL.
TOMORROW, THEY'LL HEAR OPENING ARGUMENTS.
BUT IMPEACHMENT ISN'T THE ONLY VOTE IN TRUMP'S FUTURE.
OFFICIALS IN PALM BEACH WHERE HE LIVES NOW ARE DISCUSSING WHETHER
OR NOT HE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO LIVE AT MAR‐A‐LAGO.
TECHNICALLY, HIS CLUB IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE USED AS A PRIVATE
RESIDENCE. AND SOME OF THE NEIGHBORS WANT
THAT RULE TO BE ENFORCED. YOU KNOW, USUALLY TO GET EVICTED
FROM A TRUMP PROPERTY, YOU HAVE TO BE PUERTO RICAN OR BLACK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT IN THIS CASE, IT'S ORANGE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
BUT IF HE DOES HAVE TO MOVE OUT OF MAR‐A‐LAGO, THE GOOD NEWS IS
THERE'S A PLACE HE CAN GO. JOETS YMCA ♪
>> Jimmy: I HOPE THAT WILL HAPPEN, I REALLY DO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HE'S DONE ENOUGH TO PROMOTE THEM. MEANWHILE, OVER IN FOX NEWS
LAND, THEY'RE USING THE OLD "I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?"
APPROACH TO THIS. THE ALWAYS‐SMARMY LAURA INGRAHAM
HAD AN INTERESTING ANGLE, AND ANGLE IS THAT BIDEN IS THE ONE
DOING THE INSURRECTING!
>> BIDEN'S INSURRECTION. THE DEMOCRATS IN THE MEDIA THAT
SERVE THEM, THEY'RE LIKE ADDICTS LOOKING FOR THEIR NEXT FIX, AND
THEIR DRUG OF CHOICE OVER THE PAST FIVE YEARS HAS BEEN DONALD
J. TRUMP.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WELL, SHE'S NOT WRONG ON THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THE REAL TRUMP SYCOPHANTS ALWAYS SAY
DONALD J. TRUMP? NEVER JUST DONALD TRUMP.
DONALD J., AS IF THIS J. IS SOMETHING WE SHOULD TAKE NOTE OF.
>> THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, DONALD J. TRUMP.
>> 74 MILLION PEOPLE VOTED FOR DONALD J. TRUMP.
>> HALF THE COUNTRY BELIEVES THAT THIS ELECTION WAS STOLEN
FROM DONALD J. TRUMP.
>> THEY HATE DONAL J. TRUMP.
>> DONALD J. TRUMP.
>> DONALD J. TRUMP!
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: I THINK HE LIKES THE "J" BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM SOUND
LIKE A RICH GUY, ONLY THE RICH GUYS USE THE MIDDLE INITIAL.
YOU NEVER GO TO APPLEBEE'S AND HEAR "MONTGOMERY T. BILLINGS
WORTH PARTY OF FOUR." WHAT'S BARACK OBAMA'S MIDDLE
INITIAL? YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT,
RIGHT? BECAUSE THERE ISN'T A PARADE OF
ASS‐DISSEST GOING "BARACK H. OEB."
THE ONLY TIME YOU HEAR ABOUT HIM IS WHEN THEY WANT TO MAKE HIM
SOUND LIKE A TERRORIST, BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA.
UNTIL YOU BECOME ONE‐TENTH AS BELOVED AS MICHAEL IS, SAVE THE
"J" FOR THE STATIONERY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
PRESIDENT BIDEN DID NOT WATCH THE TRIAL BUT HE DID SAY HE'S
PLANNING TO HOST THE SUPER BOWL NBA CHAMPIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE
ONCE IT IS SAFE TO DO THAT. BUCCANEERS AND LAKERS WILL VISIT
THE PRESIDENT. AND NO, BIDEN WON'T BE SERVING A
MOUNTAIN OF BIG MACS. HE'LL BE COOKING UP A BATCH OF
HIS SIGNATURE SLEEPY SLOPPY JOES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHICH I UNDERSTAND ARE QUITE DELICIOUS.
MEANWHILE, IN NEW YORK, GOVERNOR CUOMO SAYS THEY'RE
WORKING ON A PLAN TO REOPEN BROADWAY.
SO FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN DYING TO SEE HUGH JACKMAN
IN "THE MUSIC MAN," NOW YOU LITERALLY CAN DO THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEATERS WILL TAKE PRECAUTIONS. SMALLER CROWDS, COVID TESTS, THE
PHANTOM OF THE OPERA WILL WEAR TWO MASKS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S GOING TO BE A WEIRD PRESHOW ANNOUNCEMENT.
"PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONES AND CHECK THE RESULTS OF
YOUR RAPID TEST."
[ LAUGHTER ]
HERE IN L. A. THE VACCINE IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO COME BY.
THEY'RE ONLY GIVING OUT SECOND SHOTS NOW BECAUSE WE'RE OUT OF
THE FIRST SHOTS. PEOPLE ARE VERY ANXIOUS TO GET
INOCULATED. AND AS A HEALTHY‐ISH MIDDLE‐AGED
PERSON, I'M HAPPY TO WAIT MY TURN.
BUT WITH THAT BEING SAID, THERE ARE CERTAIN GROUPS OF PEOPLE I
THINK I SHOULD GET THE VACCINE BEFORE.
AND I WANT TO GO THROUGH SOME OF THEM, OKAY?
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW THIS, GUILLERMO. YOU TOOK YOUR MOM TO GET THE
VACCINE.
>> Guillermo: YES, I DID.
>> Jimmy: THERE WERE PEOPLE IN LINE THAT MAYBE SHOULDN'T HAVE
BEEN IN LINE?
>> Guillermo: THAT'S RIGHT, JIMMY, YES.
>> Jimmy: GUYS ON YOUR SOCCER TEAM?
>> Guillermo: YES, TWO GUYS ON THEIR SOCCER TEAM.
>> Jimmy: WHAT WERE THEIR NAMES? GO AHEAD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Guillermo: AH. STEVE [ BLEEP ].
>> Jimmy: WHAT?
>> Guillermo: HIS NAME IS STEVE
[ BLEEP ].
>> Jimmy: THAT REALLY IS HIS NAME?
>> Guillermo: THAT'S HIS NAME YEAH. AND CHRIS. CHRIS [ BLEEP ].
THEY'RE LIKE 24 YEARS OLD.
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOSH, NO.
>> Guillermo: UNBELIEVABLE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: SEE, THOSE ARE TWO GUYS ‐‐ I SHOULD GET THE VACCINE
BEFORE THOSE TWO. I SHOULD GET IT BEFORE ANYONE
WHO STORM THE CAPITOL. ANYONE WHO DOESN'T WEAR A MASK.
SMOKERS. ANTI‐VAXXERS. ANYONE WHO WORKS AT NEWSMAX.
[ LAUGHTER ]
ANYONE WITH THE JOB TITLE "INFLUENCER," OWNERS OF
RECUMBENT BICYCLES, MEN WHO BRING PARROTS TO THE BEACH,
WOMEN WHO CALL THEMSELVES
"DOG‐MOMS," PEOPLE WHO SAY
"SUPPOSABLY" ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND THE INVENTOR OF PACKING PEANUTS.
[ APPLAUSE ]
SOME PEOPLE ARE SNEAKING AROUND, DOING EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO GET
VACCINATED, WHETHER THEY DESERVE TO BE OR NOT.
I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT THESE VACCINE HUNTERS, PEOPLE WHO FIND
WAYS TO GET THE VACCINES THAT WERE GOING TO BE THROWN AWAY.
IT'S INTERESTING. ON ONE HAND, THEY'RE JUMPING
AHEAD IN LINE. ON THE OTHER HAND, THE VACCINES
DON'T LAST LONG, AND IF IT'S GOING TO THAW, YOU SHOULD
PROBABLY TAKE IT, IT'S A CONUNDRUM.
SO WE WE TRACKED DOWN A REAL VACCINE HUNTER.
WE HAVE QUESTIONS FOR YOU. STEWART McCULLOUGH, HOW ARE YOU?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HI, JIMMY!
>> Jimmy: SO STUART, SO YOU'RE A YOUNG GUY, YOU DECIDED TO SEEK
OUT THE VACCINE WHEN YOU FOUND OUT YOUR TIER WOULD BE LAST TO
RECEIVE IT, IS THAT CORRECT?
>> WELL, NO, NOT EXACTLY. I FOUND I PERSONALLY WAS GOING
TO BE THE LAST PERSON IN AMERICA TO GET IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH. WELL, WHY? WHY IS THAT?
>> BECAUSE I DID SOMETHING VERY, VERY BAD.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU? CAN I ASK WHAT YOU DID?
>> YOU KNOW THAT "BABY SHARK" SONG?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YES?
>> I WROTE THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY ARE IN JAIL, FOR SURE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH, I KNOW! HEY, I AGREE, YET HERE I AM,
FOOTLOOSE AND TOTALLY COVID FREE!
>> Jimmy: SO YOU GOT THE VACCINE.
DID YOU HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECTS FROM THE VACCINE?
>> FIRST ONE, SLIGHT MUSCLE PAIN. SECOND INJECTION, NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.
>> YEAH, BUT THEN THE THIRD AND FOURTH SHOTS? OH, MAN.
DIARRHEA CITY ‐‐
>> Jimmy: WAIT, THIRD AND FOURTH?
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU ONLY NEED TWO SHOTS.
>> YEAH, I KNOW. BUT I LOVE THEM!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU LOVE THEM, THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
HOW DO YOU EVEN GET MORE THAN ONE SET OF SHOTS?
>> EASY, I WEAR COSTUMES. CHECK IT OUT.
I'M A NURSE, YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE ME A SHOT, I'M A NURSE!
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW, AND HEY, LOOK AT THIS, I'M A FIREMAN, YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO GIVE A SHOT TO A FIREMAN? I'M A FIREMAN!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I'M FEELING LIKE YOU ARE ‐‐
>> A REAL PIECE OF [ BLEEP ]?
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: YES, YES, THAT'S KIND WHAT WAS I'M ‐‐ YEAH.
>> SURE. YOU KNOW WHAT? "TIME" MAGAZINE SURE THOUGHT SO,
LOOK AT THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SEE THAT? SEE WHAT THAT SAYS?
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> I BEAT OUT THE GUY WHO INVENTED PACKING PEANUTS.
>> Jimmy: I HATE THAT GUY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I KNOW. I'M WORSE.
>> Jimmy: HOW MANY DOSES OF THE VACCINE HAVE YOU HAD?
>> WELL, INCLUDING THIS ONE RIGHT HERE?
>> Jimmy: YES ‐‐ OH ‐‐
>> AAH! THAT WAS NUMBER 114! HA HA HA!
I TAKE THEM IN THE MOUTH, I TAKE THEM UP MY NOSE, I TAKE THEM ANY
WHICH WAY. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, I AM
HIGHER THAN WILLIE NELSON'S PONYTAIL RIGHT NOW.
>> Jimmy: I WOULD ASK YOU TO STOP BUT SOMETHING TELLS YOU
THAT WOULD ENCOURAGE YOU TO CONTINUE.
>> YOU ARE CORRECT. NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, JIMMY,
FATHER HANRAHAN HAS TO PICK UP A FREEDER FULL OF MODERNAS FOR THE
ELDERLY NUNS AT ST. CHRIS CHRISTOPHER'S!
THE NUNS ARE MY CATS, HA HA HA!
♪ OH BABY SHARK
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU, STEWART.
[ APPLAUSE ]
A VERY BAD PERSON. BUT BOY, HE CAN SING, HUH?
BEAUTIFUL VOICE. WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. LUCAS HEDGES ON THE SHOW.
WE'LL HAVE MOUSSE TRICK WAXAHATCHEE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH WANDA SYKES! STICK AROUND.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW. TONIGHT, FROM THE NEW MOVIE
"FRENCH EXIT," A VERY TALENTED YOUNG ACTOR, LUCAS HEDGES IS
WITH US.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THEN LATER, THIS IS HER FIFTH STUDIO ALBUM TITLED,
"SAINT CLOUD," MUSIC FROM WAXAHATCHEE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
TOMORROW NIGHT, MILA KUNIS AND KJ APP‐AH WILL JOIN US, WITH
MUSIC FROM SAM DEW. SO PLEASE JOIN US TOO.
[ APPLAUSE ]
OUR FIRST GUEST IS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD,
YOU CAN SEE HER BE‐WIGGED AND GUN‐TOTING IN THE NEW MOVIE
"BREAKING NEWS IN YUBA COUNTY." IT PREMIERES DIGITALLY AND IN
SELECT THEATERS FEBRUARY 12th, PLEASE WELCOME WANDA SYKES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
HI, WANDA.
>> HI, JIMMY, HOW YOU DOING?
>> Jimmy: I'M GREAT. IT'S VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO.
>> Jimmy: HAPPY IMPEACHMENT DAY. DID YOU WATCH TODAY?
>> I DIDN'T GET TO WATCH BECAUSE I WAS BUSY MAKING CRANK PHONE
CALLS.
>> Jimmy: OH. FOR CRANK ‐‐ YES, FOR CRANK
YANKERS.
>> YES, YES.
>> Jimmy: WE THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDDING BUT YOU'RE NOT KIDDING.
>> I'M NOT KIDDING.
>> Jimmy: HOW DID IT GO, GET ANY GOOD ONES?
>> GLADYS MURPHY WAS UP TO NO GOOD TODAY.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
OH MY GOD, I CALLED A DRIVING SCHOOL COMPLAINING THAT THEY
DON'T TEACH MY SON ROAD RAGE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S GOOD.
>> I CALLED AN ELECTRONICS STORE COMPLAINING THAT MY WEB CAM
WOULD JUST TURN ON BY ITSELF, AND I'VE BEEN FLASHING MY BOOBS
AND MY VAGINA TO PEOPLE ACCIDENT AMELIE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE WAS SO HELPFUL. HE ACTUALLY GOOGLED, YOU KNOW,
HOW TO REMEDY IT. HE WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW ‐‐ HE JUST
CAME UP AND TOLD ME, PUT A POST‐IT NOTE OVER MY CAMERA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OR A PIECE OF TAPE. HE SAYS, YOU HAVE TO COVER IT.
AND I SAID, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO, I'M GOING TO GET A
PICTURE OF THAT NAKED BIG BLACK DUDE WHO'S SITTING ON THE SIDE ‐‐
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH.
>> PUT THAT UP THERE.
>> Jimmy: WANDA, WILL YOU WATCH TOMORROW?
ARE YOU INTERESTED IN THIS? BECAUSE I KNOW ‐‐
>> OH, ABSOLUTELY, ABSOLUTELY.
>> Jimmy: YOU WILL.
>> YES, YES. I WILL BE WATCHING TOMORROW.
I JUST WANT ‐‐ I SO WANT HIM TO SHOW UP. PLEASE.
>> Jimmy: HE MIGHT. HE MIGHT.
AFTER WHAT HAPPENED TODAY, HE MAY APPOINT HIMSELF HIS OWN
ATTORNEY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED IF HE COMES OUT IN HIS GOLF SHORTS OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT TOMORROW.
>> I JUST NEED TO GET EYES ON HIM.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE'S UP TO.
>> Jimmy: I DO TOO.
>> I'M WORRIED, HE'S BEEN TOO QUIET, YOU KNOW.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> I'M WONDERING, LIKE, IS HE SOMEWHERE, LIKE, HAVING PLASTIC
SURGERY? GETTING HIS FACE REDONE? TRYING TO CHANGE HIS IDENTITY?
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW, THEN COME BACK AND START SOME MORE STUFF, YOU KNOW?
I'M JUST WORRIED, YOU KNOW.
>> Jimmy: WHAT KIND OF FACE ARE YOU WORRIED HE MIGHT GET?
>> THIS IS TRUMP, MAN, YOU DIDN'T KNOW.
HE'LL PROBABLY DO SOMETHING LIKE A MIX OF TOM BRADY AND TED
NUGENT, YOU DON'T KNOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I THINK HE JUST DESCRIBED IVANKA, ACTUALLY.
>> THEN AGAIN, YOU KNOW HE'S GOING TO SCREW THAT UP TOO.
BECAUSE HE'S NOT GOING TO, LIKE, WORK THE REST OF HIS BODY.
HE DOESN'T HAVE THAT KIND OF DISCIPLINE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, RIGHT.
>> NEW FACE, SAME HAIR, SAME BIG ASS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: SPEAKING OF DONALD TRUMP'S FACE, YOU HAVE SAID ‐‐
YOU MADE A VERY INTERESTING OBSERVATION, I THINK, THAT
UNLIKE MOST PRESIDENTS, HE DIDN'T REALLY AGE THAT MUCH IN
OFFICE.
>> NO. NOT AT ALL. I MEAN, USUALLY PRESIDENTS, THEY
AGE, RIGHT? BECAUSE OF THE STRESS OF THE JOB.
I MEAN, OBAMA WENT GRAY.
CLINTON GREW THAT BULB ON THE TIP OF HIS NOSE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
GEORGE W. SHRUNK LIKE 3 INCHES. I MEAN, IT'S A HARD JOB IF YOU
DO IT, YOU KNOW? IF YOU ACTUALLY SHOW UP FOR
WORK, IT'S A STRESSFUL JOB. NOT TRUMP. HE LOOKS THE SAME.
BUT GOOD LORD, HE PUT A BEATING ON US, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE ALL LOOK OLDER.
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
HOW ARE YOUR PARENTS DOING?
>> STATUE OF LIBERTY GOT CROW'S FEET, IT'S RIDICULOUS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU GUYS BEING CAREFUL? HAVE YOUR PARENTS BEEN
VACCINATED?
>> MY ‐‐ ACTUALLY, YES. MY DAD GOT HIS FIRST SHOT
YESTERDAY. MY MOM GOT HER FIRST SHOT LIKE A
COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO.
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> THANK GOD, YEAH. THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY.
>> Jimmy: GOOD. DID YOU HAVE TO FORCE THEM TO DO
IT, OR WERE THEY WILLING AND READY TO GO?
>> NO, THEY WERE READY TO GO, MAN.
MY MOM, SHE CAN'T WAIT TO GET TO THAT CASINO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT DOES YOUR MOM PLAY AT THE CASINO?
WHAT'S HER GAME?
>> THE SLOTS.
>> Jimmy: THE SLOTS, YEAH.
>> YOU KNOW, SHE'S GOING TO BE MAD AT ME NOW.
SHE'S LIKE, YOU KNOW MY CHURCH FOLKS BE WATCHING JIMMY KIMMEL,
DON'T BE TELLING THEM ABOUT IT! I PLAY THE SLOTS?
>> THE THEN THEY ARE SENDING TWO. YOUR DAD IS A RETIRED ARMY
COLONEL, SO HE HAD TO WAIT, HUH? THERE WAS NO SPECIAL ‐‐ YOU'D
THINK THAT AN ARMY COLONEL WOULD BE NEAR TO THE FRONT OF THE
LINE.
>> WHY? IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S GOING BACK
OUT ON THE FRONT LINES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE MAN IS OLDER THAN DIRT, COME ON.
>> Jimmy: YEAH WANDA, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.
JUST TO GET A LITTLE BACKGROUND ON YOU, NOT THAT WE DON'T HAVE
IT, BUT WE REACHED OUT TO YOUR ALMA MATER, HAMPTON ‐‐
>> HAMPTON UNIVERSITY. HAMPTON UNIVERSITY, THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: THEY SENT US A PHOTO FROM A YEARBOOK, I BELIEVE, AND
THERE YOU ARE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
MARKETING MAJOR?
>> YEP.
>> Jimmy: DID THAT COME IN HANDY AT ALL, THE MARKETING MAJOR?
>> I'M SELLING THAT ASS RIGHT NOW, LOOK AT ME.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: I GUESS THAT IS ONE WAY OF LOOKING AT IT.
YOU WERE WORKING THE SUMMER, I KNOW THAT, AND I WONDER ABOUT
THIS. YOUR WIFE ALEX AND YOUR KIDS
WENT TO PARIS WHILE YOU WERE WORKING, CORRECT?
>> UH‐HUH, RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. AND DID THAT ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW,
THAT WOULD ANNOY ME TO NO END, I THINK.
>> WHY?
>> Jimmy: BECAUSE THEY'RE IN PARIS AND I'M WORKING.
>> SOMEBODY'S GOT TO PAY FOR THEM TO GO TO PARIS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S NOT FREE.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE A BETTER PERSON THAN I AM.
>> ALSO, IT'S NICE TO, YOU KNOW, TO MISS EACH OTHER.
>> Jimmy: I SEE.
>> IT'S NICE.
>> Jimmy: I SEE.
>> GO AWAY FOR A LITTLE BIT, YOU KNOW.
>> Jimmy: I GOTCHA, YEAH. A LITTLE SPACE IS GOOD.
I WAS SPEAKING TO ALLISON JANNEY, WHO SAID SHE ‐‐ FIRST OF
ALL, MAKING THIS MOVIE OVER THE SUMMER IN MISSISSIPPI YOU MADE
THIS MOVIE?
>> NATCHEZ, MISSISSIPPI, YES.
>> Jimmy: WAS FIRST OF ALL A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF FUN, AND
SHE ATTRIBUTED A LOT OF THAT FUN TO YOU. DID YOU HAVE FUN THERE?
>> I HAD A BLAST, I'M TELLING YOU, IT WAS THE MOST FUN I'VE
EVER HAD ON A PROJECT. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. WHY WAS IT SO MUCH FUN?
>> IT WAS LIKE CAMP. I MEAN, WE ALL, YOU KNOW ‐‐ WE
STAYED ON ‐‐ TATE, THE DIRECTOR, WE STAYED AT HIS HOUSE, ON HIS
PROPERTY. OH MY GOD, WE HAD SO MUCH FUN.
LIKE AFTER WORK ‐‐ YOU KNOW, WE WORKED HARD, WE DID OUR 12,
14‐HOUR DAYS. COME BACK TO TATE'S HOUSE AND IT
WAS LIKE, MARTINIS, YOU KNOW, HIS COOKING, GOOD FOOD.
JUST DANCING, MUSIC. YOU KNOW, IT WAS SO MUCH FUN.
SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW, IN OUR BUSINESS, THEY CALLED IT THE
SHOT, THE LAST SHOT, THE MARTINI, RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> THEY SOMETIMES BROUGHT ME THE ACTUAL MARTINI.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT WAS AMAZING. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
COME TO THINK OF IT, I DON'T THINK I'VE BEEN PAID!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: IS THAT TRUE?
>> I'VE GOT TO CALL SOMEBODY.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. IF ONLY YOU HAD A MARKETING
MAJOR, YOU WOULD KNOW BETTER THAN TO PROMOTE SOMETHING THAT
YOU HADN'T BEEN PAID FOR. ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A
BREAK. WE'LL COME BACK, SEE A CLIP FROM
"BREAKING NEWS IN YUBA COUNTY." WANDA SYKES IS WITH US!
BE RIGHT BACK.
>>> THEY TOLD ME TO COME ALONE.
>> EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PRETEND TO COME
ALONE BUT WAIT FOR BACKUP NEARBY IN CASE SOMETHING GOES DOWN.
>> NO, YOU'RE NOT COMING, THIS IS NOT A GAME.
>> FINE.
>> YOU'RE NOT COMING.
>> WELL. AT LEAST TAKE MY GUN.
>> NO, I'M NOT TAKING A GUN.
>> YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO A RANSOM DROP WITH NO BACKUP AND
NO GUN?
>> YEAH.
>> WHAT A DUMBASS.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: "BREAKING NEWS IN YUBA COUNTY."
THINKING ABOUT THAT, THOSE LINES ON PAPER WOULDN'T BE FUNNY.
BUT WHEN YOU SAY IT, IT'S FUNNY. IT IS.
AND IN FACT, YOU WON ‐‐ YOU DIDN'T WIN, YOU GOT NOMINATED
FOR AN EMMY FOR "CRANK YANKERS."
>> YES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THE SHOW'S BEEN ON A VERY LONG TYPE, NO ONE AS EVER
GOTTEN NOMINATED FOR AN EMMY ON THAT SHOW.
>> REALLY, IT'S RIDICULOUS.
>> Jimmy: IT IS, IT'S RIDICULOUS, AND YET WELL
DESERVED. THE CATEGORY WAS VOICE‐OVER, AND
YOU WEREN'T DOING VOICE‐OVER, YOU WERE ‐‐ YOU'RE SPONTANEOUSLY
BEING FUNNY. SO I HOPE THEY DON'T FIND OUT
ABOUT THAT, NOT NOMINATE YOU AGAIN NEXT TIME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> SHH! I PUT SOME STANK ON IT TODAY.
>> Jimmy: MILA KUNIS IS WITH US TOMORROW. SHE IS IN THIS MOVIE.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO REVEAL ABOUT HER THAT I COULD
PASS ALONG? OR PERHAPS EMBARRASS HER WITH?
>> MILA WAS SO MUCH FUN, WE HAD A GREAT TIME.
ONLY THING ABOUT MILA, SHE WOULDN'T WEAR A WIG, SHE DIDN'T
WEAR A WIG IN THE MOVIE.
>> Jimmy: REALLY, SHE REFUSED TO WEAR A WIG?
>> I DON'T KNOW ABOUT REFUSED. BUT WE ALL HAD THE WORST WIGS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH. GINA HALL CALLED IT "BREAKING
WIGS IN YUBA COUNTY."
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: FIRST OF ALL DID YOU KEEP THE WIG OR IS THAT
SOMETHING YOU NEVER WANT TO SEE AGAIN?
>> I THINK WE BURIED THE WIGS, YEAH, I THINK SO, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: IN THE SUMMER IN MISSISSIPPI, THAT IS ESPECIALLY
UNCOMFORTABLE? BECAUSE I WOULD IMAGINE THAT
THERE ARE BUGS AND HUMIDITY AND ALL KINDS OF UNPLEASANTNESS.
>> OH MY GOD. THE BUGS WERE RIDICULOUS.
I MEAN ‐‐ I MEAN, THEY WERE JUST HUGE BUGS.
THE WHOLE THING FOR ME WAS, I WANTED TO GET BACK TO MY ROOM
BEFORE IT GOT DARK, YOU KNOW. BECAUSE OF THE BUGS.
IT WAS LIKE GOING IN A BAD NEIGHBORHOOD, THAT'S HOW BIG THE
BUGS WERE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU FELT LIKE, I GOT TO GET HOME BEFORE THESE BUGS JUMP ME, YOU
KNOW?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WANDA, I WAS WONDERING.
PEOPLE BRING YOUR NAME UP A LOT WITH THIS MARVEL SHOW
"WANDAVISION." DO PEOPLE BRING THAT UP TO YOU
REGULARLY?
>> YEAH, THEY'RE LIKE, WHEN YOU GOING TO POP UP?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO POP UP?
>> THAT'S THE QUESTION I WANT ANSWERED, WHEN AM I GOING TO POP
UP? I WANT TO BE IN A MARVEL SHOW.
>> Jimmy: YOU DO?
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR YOU HAVE YOUR SIGHTS ON?
IS THERE A CHARACTER OR A SPOT OR A MOVIE FRANCHISE, ANY OF
THEM, WHAT?
>> I MEAN, COME ON. "BLACK PANTHER" SEEMS A LITTLE
TOO OBVIOUS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I THINK I WOULD FIT THERE. YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT MY
CHARACTER TO WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S THE ONLY THING I NEED. AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO FLY,
FLY. I JUST ‐‐ A LITTLE BIT OFF THE
GROUND. JUST LET ME HOVER. YOU KNOW. THAT'S ALL. ALL I NEED.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. THE HOVER‐LOAFER TYPE OF
CHARACTER WOULD BE GREAT FOR YOU. THANKS, BY THE WAY.
I WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR THE GIFT BASKET YOU SENT.
>> OH, IT WAS MY PLEASURE. IT'S A BLACK HISTORY MONTH
BASKET.
>> Jimmy: OH. OH, THAT'S GREAT.
BUT I WAS GOING TO ‐‐ IT CAME EMPTY.
THERE'S LIKE SOME PAPER IN HERE BUT THERE ARE NO GIFTS IN THE
BASKET.
>> WELL ‐‐ YEAH. AM I SUPPOSED TO GET YOU GIFTS
FOR BLACK HISTORY MONTH?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WELL, NO, OF COURSE NOT. I JUST ‐‐ I JUST DON'T
UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THE, YOU KNOW, THIS
EMPTY ONE.
>> WELL ‐‐ I SENT YOU THE BASKET.
YOU PUT GIFTS IN IT AND SEND IT BACK TO ME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: SEND YOU THE BASKET? I FILL THIS BASKET WITH GIFTS
FOR YOU?
>> WELL ‐‐ NO ONE EVER SENT YOU ONE BEFORE?
>> Jimmy: AN EMPTY BASKET? NO, I'VE NEVER RECEIVED ONE
BEFORE.
>> IT'S A BLACK HISTORY MONTH BASKET.
THAT MEANS YOU GIVE ME YOUR
[ BLEEP ].
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OKAY, OH, ALL RIGHT. NOW I UNDERSTAND.
[ APPLAUSE ]
IT'S NOT SOMETHING I WAS FAMILIAR ‐‐ ARE THERE CERTAIN
TYPES OF [ BLEEP ] I'M SUPPOSED TO PUT IN HERE?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO, NO, ANYTHING, ANYTHING. JUST AS LONG AS IT'S EXPENSIVE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OKAY, ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
>> THAT TIE LOOKS NICE.
>> Jimmy: OH. YOU WANT ME TO PUT THE TIE IN
THERE?
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. THROW THAT IN.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, ALL RIGHT. I'LL THROW IT IN AFTER BECAUSE
MY MIC'S IN IT. AND I'M DOING THE SHOW.
I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
>> WHAT ELSE YOU GOT OVER THERE?
>> Jimmy: NOT REALLY ANYTHING BECAUSE I'M ‐‐
>> WHAT ABOUT YOUR PHONE? YOU GOT YOUR PHONE ON YOU?
>> Jimmy: I DO HAVE ‐‐ YES, YOU ‐‐
>> WHAT KIND IS IT?
>> Jimmy: IT'S AN iPHONE.
>> 11?
>> Jimmy: NO, 12, ACTUALLY.
>> OH, OH ‐‐ THROW THAT IN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. WE'LL SEND THAT.
YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOUR COUSIN MY PHONE?
>> HELL YEAH. I WANT YOU TO GIVE MY COUSIN
YOUR PHONE. I GOT TO SAY, JIMMY, YOU'RE
ACTING LIKE A TOTAL WHITE PERSON RIGHT NOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M VERY SORRY.
>> YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU MY PHONE?
>> Jimmy: YOU COULDN'T BE MORE SPOT ON.
I APPRECIATE IT, WANDA, THANK YOU.
IT'S ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU.
THE MOVIE IS CALLED "BREAKING NEWS IN YUBA COUNTY."
IT PREMIERES ON DIGITAL AND IN SELECT THEATERS FEBRUARY 12th.
THE GREAT WANDA SYKES, EVERYBODY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WE'LL BE BACK WITH LUCAS HEDGES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.
MUSIC FROM WAXAHATCHEE IS ON THE WAY.
OUR NEXT GUEST IS A FINE ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM MOVIES LIKE
"MANCHESTER BY THE SEA" AND "LADY BIRD" AMONG OTHERS, NEXT
HE STARS ALONGSIDE A CAT AND A CATWOMAN IN THE NEW MOVIE
"FRENCH EXIT," IT OPENS IN THEATERS IN NEW YORK AND L. A.
FRIDAY AND NATIONWIDE APRIL 2nd. SAY HELLO TO LUCAS HEDGES!
>> HEY!
>> Jimmy: HEY, LUCAS, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> CAN YOU HEAR ME?
>> Jimmy: I CAN NOW, WHERE ARE YOU?
>> I'M HAPPY TO HEAR THAT. I'M IN BROOKLYN, I'M AT MY
PARENTS' PLACE.
>> Jimmy: IN BROOKLYN. HAVE YOU BEEN STAYING WITH YOUR
PARENTS THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING?
>> ON AND OFF A BIT. I WAS WITH THEM FOR A LITTLE BIT
THIS SUMMER, THEN I'VE NOW COME BACK. IT'S BEEN GOOD.
>> Jimmy: HAS IT?
>> THEY'RE VISITING FOR THE WEEK. OR THEY'RE BACK HERE.
THEY'VE BEEN IN MONTAUK, USUALLY.
>> Jimmy: I GOTCHA, THEY'RE NOT THERE ALL THE TIME.
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS STRANGE WHEN YOU COME BACK AS AN ADULT TO
LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS. DID THEY LEAVE YOUR ROOM EXACTLY
AS IT WAS?
>> IT'S ACTUALLY NOT THE HOUSE I GREW UP IN.
THEY HAVE MOVED ON SINCE THEN.
>> Jimmy: HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT GOING BACK TO THAT OLD HOUSE TO
SEE IF THOSE PEOPLE WILL LET YOU STAY THERE?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HONESTLY ‐‐ A VERY GENUINE
ANSWER BUT I FEEL EXTREMELY NOSTALGIC ABOUT THAT PLACE AND
WALK PAST IT WITH VERY LONGING EYES FROM TIME TO TIME.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT IS A FUNNY THING, ISN'T IT?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I'VE DONE THAT A FEW TIMES MYSELF. IT'S WEIRD.
SOMETIMES, YEAH, YOU FEEL SAD. THERE'S A FEELING OF
MELANCHOLY ‐‐
>> YOU'VE DONE THAT TOO?
>> Jimmy: A COUPLE OF TIMES.
>> REALLY? OTHER TIMES I'VE THOUGHT, OH MY
GOD, GET ME OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE.
>> YEAH, GOOD, I'M NOT ALONE.
>> Jimmy: I VISITED MY CHILDHOOD HOME IN LAS VEGAS A FEW YEARS
AGO. AND IT HAD TURNED ‐‐ IT HAD TAKEN A REAL TURN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> IT HAD TAKEN A TURN FOR THE WORST.
>> Jimmy: OH, YES. OH, YES.
>> OH MY GOD, DUDE, I CAN'T IMAGINE.
>> Jimmy: THERE WERE A LOT OF BONGS AROUND, LET'S JUST PUT
THAT IT WAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHICH WE DIDN'T HAVE, WE HAD MACRAME, YEAH.
>> OKAY, OKAY.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW IT'S SNOWING. IS IT SNOWING TODAY?
>> IT'S NOT SNOWING TODAY. IT HAS BEEN SNOWING.
AS YOU POINTED OUT. I'VE BEEN DOING THIS SORT OF ‐‐
I'VE BEEN GOING ON A BUNCH OF WALKS, LATELY I'VE BEEN LIKE ‐‐
I HAVE THIS FRIEND WHO GAVE ME THIS REALLY GOOD ADVICE BECAUSE
I'VE BEEN PRETTY STRESSED, YOU SHOULD START WAKING UP WITH THE
SUN IN THE MORNING. I GET UP AT LIKE 6:00 A. M.
AND IT'S KIND OF WEIRD, WAKING UP WHEN IT'S PITCH BLACK.
I'M NOT USED TO THAT. SO I ALSO FEEL KIND OF STRESSED
IN THOSE SITUATIONS. SO I'VE BEEN GOING ON THESE
WALKS. AND TO CALM MYSELF DOWN I'VE
SORT OF JUST BEEN TALKING TO MYSELF AS I'M WALKING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO I'M SORT OF LIKE ‐‐ WHICH IS GREAT WHEN I'M BY MYSELF.
BUT I THINK EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I TALK VERY LOUDLY.
AND I GET PRETTY INSPIRED WHEN I TALK TO MYSELF.
IF I HAVE A WHOLE STREET TO MYSELF, I SOMETIMES SING OR GET
VERY LOUD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WOW. SO PEOPLE MUST THINK YOU'RE
CRAZY, I GUESS, HUH?
>> I THINK THEY DO, WHICH IS WHY I TRY TO MAKE SURE NOBODY'S
AROUND.
>> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU SAY? CAN YOU GIVE US A LITTLE SAMPLE
OF WHAT KINDS OF THINGS?
>> I THINK IT'S LIKE, YOU GOT THIS, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND IT'S LIKE 6:00 A. M. SO IT'S LIKE, WHAT AM I GOING TO
DO WITH THAT FOR THE NEXT 12 HOURS?
>> Jimmy: POSITIVE AFFIRMATION IS WHAT IT IS.
>> YEAH, IT'S LIKE, SO HOW WE DOING? HOW WE DOING TODAY?
AND THEN I'M LIKE, OKAY. SO, LIKE, YOU'RE FEELING GOOD,
YOU'RE FEELING GOOD. AND IT SNOWBALLS.
THEN I GET REALLY ‐‐ I GET REALLY LOST IN THESE CREATIVE
SPIRALS. THEN I, LIKE ‐‐ I'LL ENCOUNTER,
LIKE, A BIKE ON THE STREET THAT'S LIKE MY MOM'S BIKE, AND
I'LL FEEL, LIKE, VERY SPIRITUALLY CONNECTED TO HER.
IT FEELS LIKE I'M ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW, IT FEELS LIKE A VERY ‐‐ A
LOT OF THINGS COME TOGETHER.
>> Jimmy: WHO IS THE FRIEND THAT TOLD YOU TO GET UP AT 6:00 IN
THE MORNING?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HE'S MY FRIEND DARRELL.
>> Jimmy: WELL, WHY DON'T YOU ASK DARRELL TO GO ON A WALK WITH
YOU SO YOU HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO?
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE.
>> THAT'S PROBABLY TRUE. THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: YOU ALSO SENT A VIDEO, OR A PHOTOGRAPH ‐‐ FIRST OF
ALL ‐‐
>> YEAH, I'VE BEEN DOING THE WEIRDEST STUFF LATELY.
IT LOOKS SCARIER THAN IT IS.
>> Jimmy: IT LOOKS TERRIFYING.
>> IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO MURDER SOMEONE.
>> Jimmy: IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE ALREADY MURDERED SOMEONE, YEAH.
>> SO IT'S FOR ‐‐ THERE'S ANOTHER VIDEO THAT WILL MAKE
SENSE.
>> Jimmy: OKAY. ROLL THE OTHER VIDEO.
THIS IS LIKE THAT KIND OF DEAL WHERE YOU GET IN THE FREEZING
COLD WATER. YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE WATER IN
THIS SHOT?
>> YES. THAT'S ME. I DID SIX MINUTES IN THAT WATER.
SUBMERGED.
>> Jimmy: WHY IS YOUR FRIEND NOT MOVING AT ALL WHILE YOU ARE
FREEZING?
>> THEY'RE PUMPING THEMSELVES, GETTING READY TO GO IN.
>> Jimmy: I SEE.
>> SO IT'S LIKE YOU DO A BREATHING TECHNIQUE.
THEN BEFORE ‐‐ TO STILL YOUR BODY AND YOUR MIND BEFORE YOU
GET IN. SO THAT YOU CAN HANDLE IT.
PRETTY COOL, IT'S LIKE 30 DEGREES.
>> Jimmy: HOW LONG ARE YOU IN THERE?
>> I'VE DONE ANYWHERE FROM 6 TO 10 MINUTES.
>> Jimmy: 10 MINUTES, THAT'S A REALLY LONG TIME.
>> 10 MINUTES. I WAS JUST SHAKING.
SHAKING AFTERWARD.
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? ARE YOU THINKING OF ANYTHING
WHILE YOU'RE IN THERE?
>> I'M SORT OF PUMPING MYSELF UP A LITTLE BIT, LIKE THE WALK,
TOO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M LIKE ‐‐
>> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHEN YOU'RE IN THERE HOW LONG
YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE? ARE YOU LOOKING AT A WATCH?
>> NO, SOMETIMES MY WHOLE BODY STARTS TO SPIN.
AND I TRY TO GO TO A VERY STILL PLACE IN MY MIND.
BUT I SET A TIMER, THEN I LOOK AT THE TIMER, I LET THE SUN HIT
MY FACE, I LET IT HEAT ME UP.
>> Jimmy: WOW, YOU'RE REALLY TALKING THIS QUARANTINE HARD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH, EXACTLY. I KNOW. I SHOULD HAVE MORE ‐‐ I SHOULD
JUST LIKE HANG OUT A LITTLE MORE.
>> Jimmy: YOUR COSTAR, MICHELLE PFEIFFER, WAS WITH US LAST WEEK.
>> REALLY?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, SHE'S JUST THE GREATEST.
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE MICHELLE PFEIFFER MOVIE BEFORE WORKING
WITH HER?
>> WELL, I ACTUALLY HADN'T SEEN ANY OF HER MOVIES.
>> Jimmy: I KNEW THAT. THAT'S WHY I WAS ASKING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I KNOW, THAT'S WHY YOU ASKED.
>> Jimmy: NONE OF THEM?
>> I ACTUALLY HAVEN'T, NO.
>> Jimmy: "GREASE 2"? "BATMAN"?
>> NEVER SEEN ONE OF HER MOVIES.
>> Jimmy: "SCARFACE"? I GUESS THE ANSWER WILL BE NO TO
EACH OF THOSE. DID YOU TELL HER, I'VE NEVER
SEEN ANY OF YOUR MOVIES?
>> NO, NEVER. IN FACT, WHEN WE'VE DONE PRESS
TOGETHER I'VE SORT OF MANAGED TO AVOID THAT.
>> Jimmy: YOU DODGE IT?
>> YEAH, I DODGE IT.
>> Jimmy: HAS ANYONE FLAT‐OUT ASKED YOU WHAT YOUR FAVORITE
MICHELLE PFEIFFER MOVIE IS?
>> NO, JUST ‐‐ JUST YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: JUST ME, YEAH.
>> JUST YOU.
>> Jimmy: SHE'S VERY GOOD. I THINK YOU'D REALLY LIKE HER.
YOU'VE GOT SOME LIST OF ON‐SCREEN MOMS.
I'M LOOKING AT IT NOW. MICHELLE, OF COURSE.
JULIA ROBERTS. NICOLE KIDMAN. FRANCES McDORMAND.
HAVE YOU SEEN ANY OF THE OTHER MOMS' MOVIES?
>> YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK ‐‐ I'D SEEN, I THINK, ONE JULIA
ROBERTS MOVIE BEFORE I WORKED WITH HER, MAYBE.
I'D SEEN HER IN "BROCKOVICH" WHEN I WAS A KID BUT THAT WAS IT.
>> Jimmy: WOW, YOU'VE SEEN MORE OF YOUR MOM'S BICYCLES THAN YOU
HAVE OF THEIR MOVIES.
>> YES, YES. NICE, MAN. THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.
>> Jimmy: I LIKE TO TIE IT TOGETHER TO WRAP IT UP IN A NEAT
LITTLE PACKAGE.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE A TERRIFIC ACTOR.
THIS MOVIE IS CALLED "FRENCH EXIT."
IT IS IN THEATERS IN NEW YORK AND L. A. ON FRIDAY, THEN
NATIONWIDE APRIL 2nd. RISK YOUR LIFE TO SEE IT.
LUCAS HEDGES, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE BACK WITH WAXAHATCHEE.
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ, THE BEST OR NOTHING.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. STILL TO COME, WAXAHATCHEE ‐‐
>> JIMMY, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> JIMMY, I NEED HELP PICKING OUT A VALENTINE'S GIFT FOR MY
WIFE.
>> Jimmy: WHAT DID YOU GET HER LAST YEAR?
>> I GOT HER A PHONE CHARGER.
>> Jimmy: YOU GOT HER A PHONE CHARGER?
>> YES, SO SHE CAN CHARGE HER PHONE.
>> Jimmy: OH, OKAY. WHAT DID DID YOU GET HER THE
YEAR BEFORE THAT?
>> I GOT HER OVEN MITTS.
>> Jimmy: YOU GOT HER OVEN MITTS?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YES, SO SHE CAN ‐‐
>> Jimmy: I KNOW WHAT OVEN MITTS ARE FOR.
GUILLERMO, NONE OF THESE ARE ROMANTIC GIFTS AT ALL.
I SUGGEST YOU USE FTD FLOWERS. THEY USE LOCAL FLORISTS IN YOUR
NEIGHBORHOOD AND THE ORDERING PROCESS IS EASY, CONVENIENT AND
PERSONAL. OH MY ‐‐ FOR ME?
FROM YOU? YOU REMEMBERED.
>> YES, ALWAYS.
>> Dicky: FTD, THE MODERN FLORIST COLLECTIVE THAT MAKES IT
EASY TO SHOP FLOWERS LOCALLY. GET 20% OFF NOW WHEN VISITING
FTD.COM/VDAY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: MANY THANKS TO WANDA SYKES, LUCAS HEDGES, AND
ANDY DALY, APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. WE RAN OUT OF TIME.
"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT, BUT FIRST, THE ALBUM IS CALLED
"SAINT CLOUD" WITH THE SONG "LILACS," WAXAHATCHEE!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
♪ I WAKE UP FEELING NOTHING
CAMOUFLAGE THE WAVERING SKY I SIT AT MY PIANO
WANDER THE WILD WHEREBY ♪
♪ AND THE LILACS
DRANK THE WATER AND THE LILACS DIE
AND THE LILACS ♪
♪ DRANK THE WATER
MARKING THE SLOW
SLOW SLOW PASSING OF TIME
I GET SO ANGRY BABY ♪
♪ AT SOMETHING YOU MIGHT SAY
I DREAM ABOUT AN AWFUL STRANGER WORK MY WAY ♪
♪ THROUGH THE DAY
I RUN IT LIKE A SILENT MOVIE I RUN IT LIKE A VIOLENT SONG
RUN IT LIKE ♪
♪ A VOICE COMPELLING
SO RIGHT IT CAN'T BE WRONG IF I'M A BROKEN RECORD
WRITE IT IN THE DUST BABE ♪
♪ I'LL FILL MYSELF BACK UP LIKE
I USED TO DO ♪
♪ AND IF MY BONES ARE
MADE OF DELICATE SUGAR I WON'T END UP ANYWHERE
GOOD WITHOUT YOU OOH ♪
♪ I NEED YOUR LOVE TOO
WHEN I LIVE A SPARSE EXISTENCE I'LL DROP DOWN IN THE FOLD ♪
♪ LEAN IN TO
AN URGENT FALTER SPIN SILENCE INTO GOLD
I RUN IT LIKE THE CROP ♪
♪ OF KISMET I RUN IT
LIKE A DILETTANTE I RUN IT LIKE I'M
HAPPY BABY LIKE I ♪
♪ GOT EVERYTHING I WANT
IF I'M A BROKEN RECORD WRITE IT IN THE DUST BABE
I'LL FILL MYSELF BACK UP ♪
♪ LIKE I USED TO DO
AND IF MY BONES
ARE MADE OF DELICATE SUGAR I WON'T END UP ANYWHERE ♪
♪ GOOD WITHOUT YOU
I WON'T END UP ANYWHERE
GOOD WITHOUT YOU OOH ♪
♪ I NEED YOUR LOVE TOO
♪ AND THE LILACS
DRANK THE WATER AND THE LILACS
DRANK THE WATER ♪
♪ AND THE LILACS DRANK THE
WATER ♪