>>> FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] TONIGHT, IT'S JACK SHEPARD, JOHN
WILSON AND MUSE IC FROM I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME.
NOW JIMMY KIMMEL. >> Jimmy: OH, HI.
HI, EVERYONE I'M JIMMY. I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW.
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. THANK YOU FOR JOINING US ON OUR
FIRST NIGHT BACK IN THE STUDIO, AFTER THREE WEEKS DOING THE SHOW
ALONE IN MY HOUSE. I'M GONNA BE HONEST,
I WAS STARTING TO WONDER IF I EVEN HAD A SHOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW A LOT OF CRAZY PEOPLE
THINK THEY'RE HOSTING A SHOW. AT HOME.
[ LAUGHTER ] ANYWAY, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.
IT'S GREAT TO SEE ANYONE REALLY. GUILLERMO, WHICH DO YOU LIKE
BETTER, NOT WORKING AT HOME OR NOT WORKING AT WORK?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> NOT WORKING AT WORK.
>> Jimmy: NOT WORKING AT WORK, THAT'S GOOD.
WHAT DID YOU DO OVER THE BREAK. >> JUST EXERCISE AND WATCH
FOOTBALL. >> Jimmy: I BELIEVE THE SECOND
PART OF THAT. BY THE WAY, GUILLERMO'S GOT A
BIG BIRTHDAY COMING UP THIS WEEK,
CINCUENTA! >> YES, 50.
1Y50 YOU WATCH THE GAME YESTERDAY?
>> YES, TOM BRADY THE GOAT. >> Jimmy: YES WE KNEW,
TOM BRADY, AGAINST ALL ODDS, IS HEADED BACK TO THE SUPER BOWL
FOR LIKE THE HUNDREDTH TIME. HOW MANY SUPER BOWLS HAVE THERE
BEEN. >> TEN, OH.
>> Jimmy: NEVER MIND. BY THE WAY
THE PATRIOTS WERE LIKE "THANKS FOR ALL THE RINGS, SEE YOU
LATER"- HE SIGNS UP WITH THE 7 AND 9 BUCCANEERS.
GOES TO TAMPA NOW THEY'RE IN THE SUPER BOWL AND THE
THE PATRIOTS ARE 7 AND 9. SITTING AT HOME.
ROBERT KRAFT, THE OWNER OF THE PATRIOTS, WAS SO DISTRAUGHT, HE
WENT TO A MASSAGE PARLOR FOR A "SAD ENDING" THIS TIME.
[ LAUGHTER ] BRADY AND THE BUCCANEERS WILL
TAKE ON THE DEFENDING CHAMPION KANSAS CITY CHIEFS, IN TAMPA.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME EVER, THAT AN NFL TEAM HAS HOSTED THE
SUPER BOWL IN THEIR OWN STADIUM. AND TOM BRADY, MAKES HISTORY AS
BOTH THE OLDEST PERSON EVER TO PLAY IN A SUPER BOWL, AND THE
FIRST PERSON WHO EVER MOVED TO FLORIDA, SO HE COULD KEEP
WORKING. IT IS FUNNY, HOW MUCH TALK THERE
IS OF BRADY BEING OLD. I MEAN, HE'S 43, LOOK AT HIM
ALL WRINKLED AND HUNCHED OVER. HE'S DISGUSTING.
BY THE WAY, BOTH OF TOM BRADY'S PARENTS WERE HOSPITALIZED WITH
COVID THIS YEAR. THEY MISSED TWO OF HIS GAMES FOR
THE FIRST TIME IN THEIR LIVES. THEY'RE OKAY NOW.
THANK GOODNESS. I WILL SAY,
I SPENT MOST OF THE WEEKEND TRYING TO GET VACCINATION
APPOINTMENTS FOR MY IN-LAWS AND AUNT AND UNCLE.
MY DAD SOMEHOW GOT THEM, BUT WHAT A JOKE THIS IS.
CALIFORNIA IS RANKED LAST WHEN IT COMES TO DISTRIBUTING THE
VACCINE. AND THESE WEBSITES ARE
RIDICULOUS. THEY HAD NINE MONTHS TO FIGURE
OUT THE WEBSITES. IT'S LIKE TRYING TO BUY CONCERT
TICKETS. I KEPT REFRESHING ALL DAY.
OVER AND OVER. I CHECKED MULTIPLE TIMES IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. I'D GET UP TO GO TO THE BATHROOM
AND GET ON THE THING AND WHATEVER,
AND EVEN WHEN YOU DO GET THROUGH, YOU ENTER ALL THE
INFORMATION. NAME, BIRTHDATE, INSURANCE,
EMAIL, BIRTHDATE AGAIN, PHONE NUMBER, MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME,
MOTHER'S FIRST NAME, ATTACH A PHOTO OF THE FRONT AND BACK OF
YOUR INSURANCE CARD, AGAIN, WE NEED THE BIRTHDATE,
AND THEN, YOU GET TO THE FINAL PAGE THEY SAY NO SLOTS
AVAILABLE. AND YOU HAVE TO START ALL OVER
AGAIN! IT GOES NOWHERE.
HOW ARE OLD PEOPLE DOING THIS? WHY IS THE ROLLOUT OF THE COVID
VACCINE GOING WORSE THAN THE ROLLOUT OF THE POPEYE'S CHICKEN
SANDWICH? IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE.
SO FINALLY I'M ON ALL DAY SATURDAY AND I DECIDED TO CALL,
WHICH I NEVER WANT TO DO IN ANY SITUATION.
AND THIS IS WHAT YOU HEAR: >> THANK YOU FOR CALL THE
COVID-19 VACCINATION ASSISTANCE LINE YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO
US, PLEASE WAIT AND SOMEONE WILL BE ON SHORTLY.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, SHORTLY, I WAS ON TWO AND HALF HOURS,
NO ONE EVER PICKED UP. AND THE MUSIC, THE HOLD MUSIC,
LISTEN TO THIS. ♪
[ LAUGHTER ] ♪
>> Jimmy: BA, BA, BA, BA. ♪
>> Jimmy: THIS WENT ON FOR TWO AND HALF HOURS TO THE POINT I
INVOLVED SIRI. I WAS LIKE, SIRI WHAT SONG IS
THIS, AND TURNS OUT SIRI KNEW IT IS A SONG CALLED
"LOVE IS WICKED" BY BRICK AND LACE.
♪ >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW BRICK OR
LACE BUT THEY SHOULD SUE FOR THIS FOR BEING ASSOCIATED WITH
THIS. MY ONLY COME THE IS KNOWING THAT
THE PEOPLE FROM SPECTRUM CABLE ARE FORCED TO SIT
THROUGH IT TOO. HOW DO YOU LIKE IT NOW?!
I WONDER HOW MANY PEOPLE GOT COVID, WHILE ON HOLD TO GET THE
VACCINE. HOW IS IT THAT WE HAVE 11% OF
THE CITY OUT OF WORK AND NO ONE TO ANSWER CALLS?
GIVE EVERYONE WHO IS OUT OF WORK A JOB DISTRIBUTING VACCINES.
THANK YOU, YOU CAN CLAP, I KNOW IT'S OVER SIMPLE.
AND AS FAR AS THAT, L.A. COUNTY SHOULD HIRE EVERYONE
WHO MADE A BERNIE MEME THIS WEEKEND TO WORK ON THEIR
WEBSITE. BECAUSE THEY OBVIOUSLY KNOW MORE
THAN THEY DO. ANYWAY, AFTER ROUGHLY 20 HOURS
OF TRYING, I FINALLY GOT THE APPOINTMENTS.
I DID A VICTORY LAP AROUND THE HOUSE LIKE I WON THE LOTTO.
OR SOMETHING. AND I DO WANT TO SAY IN
FAIRNESS, MY FATHER-IN-LAW GOT HIS SHOT AT
THE FORUM TODAY AND SAID THEY WERE VERY WELL-ORGANIZED.
ON SITE. WEBSITE BAD, ON-SITE GOOD.
IS WHAT I'M SAYING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
MEANWHILE, IT WAS ANOTHER IMPEACHY KEEN DAY IN WASHINGTON.
THE TRIAL, IN THE SENATE, OF FORMER PRESIDENT, DONALD TRUMP,
YOU REMEMBER THAT GUY? IS EXPECTED TO BEGIN THE WEEK OF
FEBRUARY 8th. GEE, I HOPE THIS DOESN'T SPOIL
MELANIA'S VALENTINE'S DAY PLANS. [ LAUGHTER ]
RUDY GIULIANI WILL NOT REPRESENT TRUMP AT THE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL.
HE HAS HIS OWN LEGAL PROBLEMS. YOU KNOW HOW RUDY WENT AROUND
TELLING EVERYONE THESE DOMINION VOTING MACHINES WERE SOMEHOW
RIGGED IN FAVOR OF JOE BIDEN? WELL, THE FOLKS AT DOMINION ARE
NOW SUING RUDY FOR $1.3 BILLION. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
BILLION. BILLION DOLLARS.
THEY ARE SUING HIS PANTS OFF. ALTHOUGH TO BE FAIR, BORAT'S
DAUGHTER ALREADY HAD THEM HALFWAY THERE.
DOMINION IS SAYING, AMONG OTHER THINGS, THAT GUILIANI CASHED IN
ON HIS PODCAST, USING HIS NEW REPUTATION AS A DEFENDER OF THE
CONSTITUTION TO SELL COINS TO DUMB PEOPLE.
>> I ACCOMPLISHED A LOT IN 2020 EXPOSING THE TRUTH, ESTABLISHING
THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU, WORKING TIRELESSLY FOR AMERICA
AND I CAME TO KNOW THE WORK AND VALUE OF THE PEOPLE AT AMERICAN
HEARTFORD GOLD. GIVE THEM A CALL AND TELL THEM
RUDY SENT YOU. OR TEXT RUDY TO 65 OF [ BLEEP ]
32. >> Jimmy: NO THANKS, MAYBE RUDY
COULD 35I OFF THE DAMAGES MAYBE RUDY CAN PAY OFF HIS
DAMAGES IN DOUBLOONS. TEAM BIDEN IS SETTLING IN.
JOE BIDEN'S DOGS HAVE OFFICIALLY MOVED INTO THE WHITE HOUSE, AND
THEY'VE GOT A TWITTER ACCOUNT. THIS WAS POSTED FROM THE OVAL
"PAWFICE." "TOGETHER WE WILL PAW AN
AMERICAN STORY OF HOPE AND YUMMY NOM NOMS."
NOW -- WHOEVER AT TWITTER BANNED TRUMP?
NEEDS TO BAN THE OVAL PAWFICE TOO.
"YUMMY NOM NOMS." WHY DO WE ASSUME DOGS TALK LIKE
IDIOTS? >> THEY'RE VERY SMART.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OH, WE'RE GOING TO
HAVE QUITE A FIESTA FOR YOU, GUILLERMO.
>> OH, I CANNOT WAIT, JIMMY SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS IS
GOING TO BE AT IT, SHE'S STOMPING BACK ONTO THE POLITICAL
STAGE. SARAH, WHO YOU MAY REMEMBER FROM
HER TIME LYING TO US EVERY DAY FOR TWO YEARS, ANNOUNCED TODAY
THAT SHE IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF ARKANSAS.
>> OUR STATE NEEDS A LEADER WITH THE COURAGE TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT,
NOT WHAT'S POLITICALLY CORRECT FOR CONVENIENT.
I TOOK ON THE MEDIA, THE RADICAL LEFT, AND THEIR CANCEL CULTURE
AND I WON. [ LAUGHTER ]
1Y50 YOU DID .
>> Jimmy: YOU DID? I DON'T THINK YOU DID.
YOU STOPPED GIVING PRESS CONFERENCES.
THEN YOU QUIT. THEN THEY LOST.
AND NOW YOU LIVE IN ARKANSAS. I DON'T THINK YOU WON.
[ APPLAUSE ] WE GOT SOME NEW INSIGHT ABOUT
LIFE INSIDE TRUMP ONLAND LIFE INSIDE TRUMPLAND FROM HIS
FORMER CORONAVIRUS COORDINATOR, DOCTOR DEBORAH BIRX.
DR. BIRX SAT FOR AN INTERVIEW WITH "FACE THE NATION" AND
EXPLAINED HOW THE FLOW OF MISLEADING INFORMATION FROM THE
TRUMP WHITE HOUSE WORKED. >> I'M CONVINCED THERE WERE
PARALLEL DATA STREAMS. >> DISINFORMATION.
>> I SAW THE PRESIDENT PRESENTING GRAPHS THAT I NEVER
MADE. SO I KNOW THAT SOMEONE OR
SOMEONE OUT THERE OR SOMEONE INSIDE WAS CREATING A PARALLEL
SET OF DATA AND GRAPHICS THAT WERE SHOWN TO THE PRESIDENT.
>> Jimmy: AND I COULDN'T TELL YOU AT THE TIME BECAUSE I WAS
SUPER BUSY TRYING ON SCARVES. NOW SHE TELLS US.
OH, YOU MEANT TO TELL YOU, THE GUY WHO DROVE YOU HOME FROM THE
AIRPORT WAS DRUNK, SHOULDN'T BE IN THE CAR WITH HIM.
BY THE WAY, MY WIFE, HAS A REAL FASHION DILEMMA NOW.
I STOLE THESE FROM THE HOUSE.
FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS, I STOLE THESE FROM HER CLOSET.
THIS IS WHAT SHE WEARS EVERY DAY.
I CALL IT "PROTEST WEAR." THIS ONE, I GUESS SHE CAN KEEP
WEARING FOR ANOTHER MONTH. THIS SAYS I'M A VOTER.
THIS SAYS USE YOUR VOTE AND VOICE.
WE'VE GOT ELECT WOMEN. WE'VE GOT WHEN THEY GO LOW WE GO
HIGH. WE GOT I MISS BARACK.
WE GOT, THIS ONE'S SUCH A NASTY WOMAN.
SCIENCE, NOT FICTION. AND I GUESS THIS ONE SHE CAN
STILL GET A COUPLE WEEKS OUT OF BECAUSE IT SAYS IMPEACH ON IT.
[ APPLAUSE ] BUT AFTER THAT SHE'S GOING TO BE
NUDE. MEANWHILE, ALL OF MY SHIRTS HAVE
TROUT AND BBQ ON THEM. [ LAUGHTER ]
DOING THE SHOW FROM MY HOUSE FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS CREATED SOME
CHALLENGES. FOR INSTANCE, EVERY YEAR IN
JANUARY, MY CO-WORKERS AND I HERE AT THE SHOW
PARTICIPATE IN A COMPANY-WIDE HARASSMENT SEMINAR.
BUT UNTIL TODAY, I ONLY HAD THREE CO-WORKERS
WHO HAPPENED TO BE MY WIFE AND MY TWO YOUNGER KIDS.
BUT IF THERE'S ONE THING I RESPECT, IT'S CORPORATE POLICY.
ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS THAT. SO TO CHECK THE BOX, I CALLED A
FAMILY MEETING AND LET THE LEARNING BEGIN.
♪ >> HELLO, EVERYONE.
GOOD AFTERNOON. AS YOU KNOW, OUR HOUSE HAS
BECOME A WORKPLACE AND SO I'M REQUIRED TO GO THROUGH SOME
RULES WITH YOU WHEN IT COMES TO HARASSMENT.
GO YOU -- DO YOU KNOW WHAT HARASSMENT IS?
>> NO. >> DO YOU KNOW?
MOLLY DO YOU KNOW WHAT HARASSMENT IS?
>> YEAH. >> OKAY.
JANE, I'M GOING TO START WITH YOU WHILE BILLY LICKS HIS JUICE
OFF THE TABLE. BILLY?
BILLY'S ENJOYING HIS TABLE JUICE.
OKAY. NOW HE'S DRIPPING JUICE ON TO
THE TABLE AND LICKING IT OFF. IS THAT APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR IN
THE WORKPLACE, JANE? >> NO.
MOMMY?
>> NO. >> BILLY.
>> NO. >> NO, IT'S NOT, YOU'RE RIGHT.
OKAY. AGE-BASED HARASSMENT IS WHEN YOU
HARASS SOMEBODY BASED ON HOW OLD THEY ARE.
DO YOU KNOW HOW OLD I AM? >> NO.
>> BILLY, DO YOU KNOW HOW OLD I AM?
>> NO. >> WHAT WOULD YOU GUESS?
>> 32. >> EXACTLY RIGHT.
AND HOW OLD IS MOMMY? >> IS IT SOMETHING IN THE 20'S?
>> YES IT'S SOMETHING IN THE 20'S.
>> MOMMY'S 21 TWICE. >> THANKS.
>> YOU'RE WELCOME. RELIGIOUS HARASSMENT IS NOT
PERMITTED IN THE WORKPLACE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT OUR RELIGION
IS. >> I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANS. >> DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?
>> YES. >> BILLY, DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?
GOD'S THE ONE WHO CREATED THIS DISGUSTING HABIT OF YOURS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT WEIGHT IS?
>> YES IT'S SOMETHING THAT IS HEAVY OR LIGHT.
>> RIGHT, AM I HEAVY OR LIGHT? >> HEAVY.
>> SEE NOW THAT'S -- THAT'S HARASSMENT, RIGHT, BILL?
AM I HEAVY OR LIGHT, BILLY? >>
>> HEAVY. >> DID JANE TELL YOU TO SAY
THAT. >> YES.
>> I'M GOING TO SUE YOU IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS TO SUE SOMEBODY?
>> NO. >> YOU'RE GOING TO FIND OUT.
>> HOW? >> WHEN MY LAWYERS CONTACT YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ] .
>> NAME CALLING. MOLLY, IS IT APPROPRIATE TO CALL
PEOPLE NAMES? >> NO.
>> CAN YOU THINK OF ANY BAD NAMES YOU MIGHT CALL SOMEBODY.
>> WHEN YOU TELL THE KIDS I TOOT AND THEY CALL ME TOOTY HEAD THAT
WOULD BE A NAME. >> I DON'T CALL MOM THAT.
>> WHAT DO YOU CALL ME? >> I THINK DADDY TOOTS MORE THAN
YOU. >> DEFINITELY.
A LOT MORE THAN ME, ACTUALLY. HE'S TOOTING RIGHT NOW.
>> ACTUALLY I DON'T TOOT. >> LET'S TALK ABOUT PHYSICAL
CONTACT. IS IT APPROPRIATE TO TOUCH YOUR
CO-WORKERS, BILLY? SEE IT IS APPROPRIATE TO DO
THAT? >> NO.
>> NOT WITHOUT CONSENT, NO. >> NOT ALL HARASSMENT IS
PHYSICAL. SOMETIMES YOUR MOTHER GIVES ME
THE EYE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT.
ALL RIGHT. JANE, I'M JUST GOING TO NEED YOU
TO SIGN THIS RIGHT HERE SHOWING YOU UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING WE
DISCUSSED AND AGREEING TO THE TERMS, OKAY.
VERY GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.
BILLY, YOU WANT TO GO AHEAD AND SIGN THIS.
PERFECT. MOLLY.
AND I THINK -- >> -- THIS WAS VERY HELPFUL.
>> -- WE'RE DONE. >> OH, SOMEBODY'S BITING ME.
OKAY. OW.
BILL, THERE'S NO BITING IN THE WORKPLACE.
>> McGRUFF SAYS TAKE A BITE OUT OF HARASSMENT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: I GOTTA GET THAT KID
OFF THE TABLE JUICE. WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. JOHN WILSON IS WITH US.
FROM THE HBO SHOW "HOW TO" WE'VE GOT MUSIC FROM I DON'T
KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME. AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
DAX SHEPARD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK
HERE IN OUR STUDIO, WELCOME TONIGHT, FROM THE DELIGHTFUL
SHOW "HOW TO WITH JOHN WILSON," JOHN WILSON.
THE MAN BEHIND THE CAMERA. HE'LL BE IN FRONT OF IS IT LATER
TONIGHT. THEN, LATER ON, THEIR ALBUM IS
CALLED "RAZZMATAZZ." MUSIC FROM I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT
THEY FOUND ME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THIS WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS WITH MICHELLE PFEIFFER,
NAOMI WATTS, ANTHONY ANDERSON, GEORGE LOPEZ.
MY COUSIN SAL WILL BE HERE. HE HAS A NEW BOOK CALLED "YOU
CAN'T LOSE THEM ALL." AND WE'LL HAVE MUSIC FROM DEATH
CAB FOR CUTIE, LESLIE ODOM JR., AND ARLO PARKS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT. OUR FIRST GUEST DOES MANY
THINGS. HE IS AN ACTOR, DIRECTOR, AND
CASTER OF PODS, WHO, STARTING FRIDAY, GETS BEHIND THE WHEEL ON
"TOP GEAR AMERICA" AVAILABLE ON THE MOTORTREND APP.
PLEASE WELCOME DAX SHEPARD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪ >> Jimmy: WELL, I'M SURPRISED.
I DID NOT KNOW KANYE HAD SHIFTED TO A MUSTARD COLOR.
>> IT'S NOW AVAILABLE. WHO WAS I TO RESIST.
I GENERALLY WEAR A SUIT TO DEMONSTRATE I RESPECT AND LOVE
YOU. >> Jimmy: OH, NO WHAT HAPPENED.
>> THE FACT I RISKED MY LIFE TO COME SEE YOU, I SHOWED YOU I
LOVE YOU, I'M HERE. >> Jimmy: IT'S A GOOD COLOR FOR.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH IT'S THE FIRST TIME IN THIS COLOR.
>> Jimmy: IS IT REALLY. >> IT IS.
I DON'T OWN ANYTHING IN MUSTARD BESIDE THIS, AND IT ARRIVED
MORNING. >> Jimmy: WHAT'S GOING ON IN
YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW? >> I THINK THE MOST PROMINENT
FEATURE OF OUR LIFE IS I'VE BEEN IN SEARCH OF A VERY SPECIFIC
MOTORHOME FOR A DECADE AND I DEDICATE 40 MINUTES NIGHT
LOOKING FOR ONE WITH BUNK BEDS FOR THE GIRLS AND I FOUND IT,
JIMMY. >> Jimmy: TEN YEARS.
>> YEAH. >> EVEN BEFORE THE GIRLS YOU
WERE LOOKING FOR THE MOTORHOME FOR THE GIRLS.
>> HOW DARE YOU, KNOWING MY MATH DOESN'T WORK.
SEVEN YEARS AND 11 MONTHS AGO I STARTED LOOKING.
I ALWAYS WANTED A MOTOCROSS Y50R -- MOTORHOME AND FOUND ONE
DURING THE WORSE TIME EVER TO BUY A MOTORHOME DURING THE
PANDEMIC, EVERY KNUCKLE HEAD WANTS ONE.
>> Jimmy: ME INCLUDED. >> I NOTICED I SAW YOU LISTENING
TO ARM CHAIR EXPERT. I WAS LIKE HOW DID YOU RENT
THAT, YOU'RE LIKE OH, NO, I'M AN OWNER OF THIS THING.
[ LAUGHTER ] I GUESS YOU WEREN'T LOOKING FOR
TEN YEARS EITHER. >> Jimmy: NO, NO BUT I HAD BEEN
THINKING ABOUT IT FOR AT LEAST TEN YEARS MAYBE LONGER.
>> YEAH YEAH, IT'S A LIFESTYLE I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE PART OF.
>> Jimmy: IT'S SOMETHING YOU REALLY WANT AND ONCE YOU GET IT
REALIZE MAYBE YOU DON'T WANT IT AS MUCH.
>> WELL THAT'S NOT MY EXPERIENCE BUT THAT IS MY WIFE'S
EXPERIENCE. >> Jimmy: OH, OKAY.
>> SO I FIND THIS BUS. IT'S A PROPER BUS AND I FIND IT
IN DALLAS, TEXAS AND I DRIVE IT HOME.
I'M SHOWING MY WIFE PHOTOS OF IT.
I DON'T THINK SHE REALIZED HOW BIG IT WAS GOING TO BE AND ALSO
SHE'S BEEN -- WE'VE BEEN -- BUT REALLY SHE'S BEEN BUILDING
HERRERA DREAM HOUSE FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS.
>> Jimmy: UH-HUH. >> YOU'VE BEEN TO MY HOUSE, VERY
MODEST, I DON'T CARE, I WOULD HAVE DIED THERE.
BUT SHE RIGHTLY SO HAS A FANTASY OF A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE.
AND IT'S DONE AND FIRST THING I DID WAS PULL THAT MOTORHOME
RIGHT IN FRONT OF IT AND NOW IT LIVES IN FRONT OF HER DREAM
HOME. >> I THINK WE HAVE A PICTURE OF
IT. I WANTED TO ASK ABOUT IT.
[ CHEERS ] SO THERE'S A HOUSE SOMEWHERE
BEHIND THAT. >> WELL, NO, THIS IS THE VIEW
FROM THE HOME. YOU'RE LIKE LOOKING OUT THE
DINING ROOM WINDOWS, YOU'RE WELCOME VERY MUCH, THIS IS WHAT
YOU GET TO SEE. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO SHE SAID, YOU KNOW, WHEN I ENVISION THIS BEAUTIFUL HOME I
DID NOT THINK THIS WOULD BE PARKED IN FRONT OF IT.
I SAID, I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU'RE EMBARRASSED ABOUT, IF OUR
NEIGHBORS SEE THIS THEY'RE GOING TO THINK I AEROSMITH IS SPENDING
THE NIGHT. CLEARLY A LOT OF DIFFERENT
LIGHTS ARE AN OPTION. KING SIDE BED AND BACK.
TWO BEAUTIFUL BUNKS. QUEEN UP FRONT.
FULL SIZE FRIDGE AND WASHER DRIER, TWO -- TWO SHOWERS.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S UNNECESSARY ISN'T IT.
>> NO IT'S NOT. >> Jimmy: WHY ARE TWO SHOWERS
NECESSARY. >> I HAVE KIDS.
WHAT IF WE ALL GET A HANKERING TO GET CLEAN AT THE SAME TIME.
THEY WILL SOON BE AT A AGE THEY WON'T WANT TO THE BATHE WITH
YOU. >> Jimmy: THE GUY WHO SOLD IT TO
ME TOLD ME TRY NOT TO KEEP ANY WATER IN IT, IT HURTS THE GAS
MILEAGE, THE WATER COST MORE THAN THE GAS.
HAVE YOU BEEN ON A TRIP WITH THE FAMILY YET?
>> NO, I DROVE THIS SON OF A GUN 2,000 MILES FROM DALLAS, TEXAS,
I JUST -- I GLIDED HOME SOMEWHAT I DID.
I'M ABOUT A FOOT AND HALF ABOVE THE TRUCKERS AND GOT TO USE THE
TRUCK STOP GAS STATION, CLEARLY, AND HAVE TO PREDICT HOW MUCH
FUEL IT'S GOING TO NEED. YOU CAN'T PUT IN YOUR CREDIT
CARD IT WILL MAX OUT AT $100. YOU HAVE TO PUT IT IN
REPEATEDLY. MINE WON'T DO THAT SO I GO
INSIDE AND TELL THEM HOW MANY HUNDREDS OF GALLONS I NEED.
I'M DOING THE MATH IT PROBABLY NEEDS 175 GALLONS, I'M LIKE PUT
$720 ON THE CARD, LET'S SEE WHERE WE GET.
AND YOU JUST HOPE THAT WILL BE THE ONLY TIME YOU FILL IT UP
THIS YEAR. HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS.
>> HOW MANY MILES TO THE GALLON DOES IT GET.
>> LET'S NOT GET INTO THAT. MY WIFE DRIVES AN ELECTRIC CAR.
I WANT TO BE CLEAR ABOUT THAT. HOW DARE YOU.
>> Jimmy: I THINK YOU'RE PREPARED FOR THE APOCALYPSE.
NO BECAUSE I FIGURED MINE OUT IT IS LIKE 3.7 MILES TO THE GALLON.
>> IT'S A DECENT DIESEL SO I WAS HITTING 7.5 MILES TO THE GALLON
WHICH MADE ME FEEL FANTASTIC. I WAS LIKE, THIS IS ETHICALLY
CHALLENGING UNLESS I HAVE 13 OR 14 PEOPLE AND THEN IT'S 40 MILES
TO THE GALLON AND SO I HAVE TO HAVE IT PACKED.
>> YOU HAD IT HOW LONG NOW. >> SINCE DECEMBER 7th.
>> Jimmy: NO TRIPS YET. >> JUST A LOT OF HANGING OUT IN
MY DRIVEWAY. IT'S CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET
FROM MY HOME. WHICH MEANS I HAVE EVERY CHANNEL
INSIDE THE BUS. REALLY NICE COUCH.
AND I KIND OF HIDE IN THERE. BECAUSE YOU CAN LOCK THAT DOOR.
>> Jimmy: YOU BOUGHT A SHED THAT GETS 7 MILES TO THE GALLON IS
WHAT HAPPENED. >> YES.
IN FACT, MY DEALER, DAVID GARZA, DOWN IN DALLAS, TEXAS, HE PUT IT
BEST. HE SAID, DAX, THEY BREAK.
BASICALLY WHAT YOU HAVE IS A HOME IN A TORNADO.
AND I WAS LIKE, THAT'S PRETTY ACCURATE.
BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS DRIVING AT 80, SO YOUR HOME IS IN AN 80
MILES AN HOUR TORNADO FOR HOUR SO HAVE APPROPRIATE
EXPECTATIONS. >> Jimmy: THIS IS HOW HE CLOSED
THE DEAL? >> AND IT WORKED FOR ME.
>> Jimmy: DAK SHEPARD IS WITH US," TOP GEAR AMERICA" HIS SHOW
PREMIERS THIS FRIDAY. BE RIGHT BACK.
>>> I GOT TO TELL YOU, THIS CAR MAKES ME PROUD TO BE AMERICA,
MAKES ME WANT TO EAT SOME APPLE PIE AND EAT HOT DOGS AND DO WHAT
WE'RE KNOWN THE WORLD OVER FOR, TURNING LEFT.
>> YEAH, BABY, THE HEART RATE REALLY GETS UP FOR THIS.
MY GOODNESS. >> Jimmy: THAT IS DAX SHEPARD
DRIVING A CAR IRRESPONSIBLY. TALK TO AMERICA.
THIS IS YOUR DREAM JOB, I MEAN, I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR QUITE SOME
TIME AND IF SOMEONE SAID WHAT IS DAX'S DREAM SHOW THAT'S WHAT I
WOULD SAY. >> IT FEELS SUSPICIOUS.
THAT THING YOU JUST SAW, THEY DIDN'T ASK IF I COULD DO THAT,
THEY DIDN'T GO, CAN YOU DRIFT THIS THING, THEY JUST SAID
ACTION AND I DID THAT, AND I CAME BACK AND WAS LIKE, THEY GOT
LUCKY I COULD DO THAT. >> Jimmy: DID YOU KNOW YOU COULD
DO IT? >> I HAD A HUNCH.
YEAH, I FELT GOOD ABOUT IT. BUT WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THE SHOW
IS SAFETY IS THIRD, IF IT'S EVEN THIRD.
I'VE NEVER BEEN ASKED IF I COULD DO SOMETHING.
THEY JUST GIVE ME THE KEYS AND I DO STUFF LIKE THAT AND MY
EMPLOYERS ARE THRILLED. AND THEN I GET A CHECK ON
FRIDAY. CONSISTENTLY EVERY FRIDAY.
>> Jimmy: I WATCHED THE FIRST EPISODE.
YOU DESTROYED A VEHICLE ALMOST IMMEDIATELY.
>> AND EVERYONE WAS HAPPY. >> Jimmy: IT CAME FROM OUT OF
NOW NOWHERE.
LIKE WE'RE GOING TO DESTROY IT. HERE'S HOW WE'LL DO IT.
YOU GUYS ARE LIKE, BOOM AND YOU'RE JUST GONE.
>> WE'RE LIKE CHIMPS WHO WILL DO WHAT YOU WANT FOR A WHIEM BUT
THEN WE START HITTING IT WITH CLUBS.
THEN WE HAD POLICE OFFICERS TO SHUT DOWN ROADS.
SO UNIQUE FEELING TO DRIFT THROUGH THE INNOVATIVE
INTERSECTIONAL AND OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE YOU SEE A STATE
TROOPING GIVING THUMB'S UP. FROM THEN ON I DIDN'T THINK MY
LIFE WOULD MAKE PERFECT SENSE BUT IT REALLY DID.
MY LOVE FOR RACING AND CARS AND THEN DIDN'T SEEM THEY'D
INTERSECT. >> AND TO BE CORDONED ON BY THE
POLICE. IT'S LIKE YOUR PRESIDENT EVEL
KNEIVEL. >> IT DIDN'T FEEL REAL.
I NEVER FELT IT WAS A SIMULATION UNTIL THIS JOB BUT NOW IT'S
SUSPICIOUSLY GOOD. >> YOU KNOW, FOR THE 70'S FOR
THOSE WHO WEREN'T AROUND BACK THEN.
VANS, USED TO HAVE MANY VANS, THE KOOM VANS.
>> YEAH YEAH YEAH. >> Jimmy: USED TO HAVE MURALS.
>> AN THE ONES I LOVED, REMEMBER THE CHUCK NORRIS MOVIE "BREAKER
BREAKER" FANTASTIC FILM. THE PREMISE IS HE'S IN A
FOUR-WHEEL DRIVE VAN AND HE HAS TO BEAT PEOPLE UP ALONG THE WAY
AND AS A KID I WAS LIKE IF I COULD JUST LEARN KARATE AND GET
NICE FOUR WHEEL DRIVE VAN WITH MURAL ON THE SIDE, THINGS WOULD
BE WONDERFUL SO WE HAD AN EPISODE.
IT'S HARD TO TELL WHAT THAT IS, IT'S PROBABLY NOT HARD.
>> Jimmy: NO. >> LET ME TELL YOU REAL QUICK ON
THE SHOW WE GET A BUDGET TO MODIFY OUR VEHICLES AND RIGHTLY
SO THEY SPEND MONEY ON SUSPENSION AND TURBOS AND I
SPENT BUDGET ON THE MURAL ON THE SIDE OF THE VAN BECAUSE I
THOUGHT IF I LOSE I STILL WON. NOW, MY WIFE WAS SO THRILLED
WITH THIS. >> Jimmy: I GET.
>> AS YOU CAN IMAGINE. >> Jimmy: YEAH YEAH.
>> WELL, SHE SAID THIS IS VERY MYSOGINIST, WHERE'S MY SWORD.
I SEE YOU SLAYING A DRAGON BUT I DIDN'T SEEM TO BE INVOLVED OTHER
THAN TO HOLD YOUR QUADRICEP. HOW LONG IS YOUR FLAS ID SH LONG
THEY WENT A LITTLE LIGHT ON THAT AND I SAID TO HER, HUN, WE HAVE
TO RESPECT THE TIME PERIOD. >> Jimmy: TRUE.
>> IT WOULD BE DISHONEST TO HAVE A 70'S VAN WITH ME COWERING AND
YOU WIELDING THE SWORD WHICH TODAY WE MIGHT DO.
>> Jimmy: SOME MIGHT ARGUE SHE DID THE DIRTY WORK.
YOU DID THE DIRTY WORK FOR HER BY SLAYING THAT DRAGON.
>> YEAH. SMART MURAL NON-CONFERENCE NONE
OF THEM NEGATIVE. >> Jimmy: WELL, CONGRATULATIONS
ON "TOP GEAR AMERICA". >> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Jimmy: DAX SHEPARD EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE BACK WITH JOHN WILSON.
. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪ >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK.
MUSIC FROM I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME IS ON THE WAY.
IF YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE INTEREST IN SCAFFOLDING, RISOTTO, PLASTIC
SEATCOVERS, OR EVEN FORESKINS, OUR NEXT GUEST HAS THE SHOW FOR
YOU. IT'S CALLED "HOW TO WITH
JOHN WILSON." .
>> IF YOU'RE NOT A BIG TALKER YOU CAN USE A POPULAR TECHNIQUE
CALLED BAITING TO GET PEOPLE TO TALK TO YOU.
BAITING INVOLVES WEARING OR DOING SOMETHING THAT WILL INVITE
CONVERSATION. THIS COULD BE A FASHION CHOICE.
OR A METHOD OF TRANSPORTATION. THE WAY YOU MOVE.
THE WAY YOU EAT. A NEW HAIRCUT IS GOOD BAIT.
OR YOU COULD JUST DRESS LIKE A HOSE.
"HOW TO WITH JOHN WILSON" IS ON HBO MAX.
SAY HELLO TO JOHN WILSON. HI, JOHN.
>> HEY, JIMMY, HOW'S IT GOING 1Y50 WHILE I'M ADMIRING YOUR
MICROPHONE, VERY 70'S. >> THANK YOU.
THIS, YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOUR PEOPLE WERE GOING TO SEND ME A
NEW ONE BUT THIS IS WHAT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WORK WITH.
>> AND I'M ALSO ADMIRING THAT NEON INCOME TAX SIGN.
I RECOGNIZE IT FROM ONE THE EPISODES OF YOUR SHOW.
>> WELCOME TO THE SET OF JOHN WILSON
I'M ACTUALLY A STUDIO OVER FROM YOU, I THINK.
THIS SIGN I HAD TO RELOCATE IS IT FROM MY BEDROOM BECAUSE IT
TURNED OUT TO BE NOT AS ROMANTIC AS THE SALESMAN SAID IT WAS.
>> Jimmy: HA HA. THIS SHOW, FIRST OF ALL, I LOVE
YOUR SHOW. YOU FIND IT ENORMOUSLY
WATCHABLE. I DON'T THINK IT'S LIKE ANYTHING
I'VE EVER SEEN BEFORE. IT'S FUNNY.
IT'S A DOCUMENTARY. IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
ALSO FEELS JUST LIKE WALKING AROUND NEW YORK WITH YOU.
HOW DO YOU DESCRIBE IT. >> YEAH, IT WAS KIND OF HARD TO
COME UP WITH A PITCH, NATHAN AND I WERE, YOU KNOW, WE CALLED IT,
KIND OF PLANET EARTH BUT FOR NEW YORK CITY AND I CAN'T TELL IF
THAT'S KIND OF -- IF THAT'S COMPLIMENTING MYSELF OR
INSULTING DAVID ATTIN BURROW, I FUT THAT WAS THE EASIEST WAY TO
DESCRIBE IT. I WANTED THE SHOW TO BE A GRAB
BAG OF ALL OF MY FAVORITE THINGS SAND MICK -- AND MAKE IT
HARD TO DEFINE. IT MIGHT MAKE PEOPLE WANT TO
WATCH MORE IF IT IS MYSTERIOUS AND DIFFICULT TO PITCH.
>> Jimmy: I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. AND NATHAN FIELDER IS THE NATHAN
OF WHOM YOU SPEAK, THE BRILLIANT COMEDIAN NATHAN FIELDER.
YES, IT MADE PERFECT SENSE WHEN I HEARD HE WAS INVOLVED IN THE
SHOW BECAUSE IT DOES SEEM LIKE SOMETHING THAT'S DEFINITELY IN
HIS WHEELHOUSE. THE IDEA, YOU START WITH A TOPIC
AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GO BACK TO BUT YOU START WITH THE TOPIC
AND IT OFTEN VEERS IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DIRECTION.
FOR INSTANCE ONE OF THE SHOWS ABOUT PLASTIC SEAT COVERINGS,
WHICH BEING FROM AN ITALIAN FAMILY I'VE BEEN STUCK TO MANY,
MANY TIMES. AND THEN IT JUST GOES, YOU MEET
PEOPLE AND IT GOES OFF INTO A VISIT AT HOME WITH A MAN WHO IS
DEVOTED HIS LIFE TO REVERSING CI
CIRCUMCISIONS, CORRECT? >> CORRECT JIMMY AND HE'S A VERY
GOOD MUSICIAN TOO. >> Jimmy: HE ACTUALLY
WROTE A WHOLE ALBUM ABOUT SONGS AGAINST CIRCUMCISIONS.
>> RIGHT SAND HE USES SAY NICE INSTRUMENT A LOT OF PEOPLE WANT
TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS, I HAVE NO ANSWER.
HE IS VERY PUNY TOO, WHICH I LIKE.
ONE OF HIS SONGS, WOULDN'T SKIN BE NICE IS A REALLY GOOD ONE.
BUT HE ALSO, YOU KNOW, WE DIDN'T GET TO RECORD THIS FOR THE SHOW
BUT ONE THING HE DOES EVERY WEEKEND IS HE GOES TO A LOCAL
KARAOKE BAR AND CHANGES ALL OF THE SONGS TO BE
CIRCUMCISIONS-THEMED. HE'S VERY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS AND
GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPREAD AWARENESS.
>> Jimmy: I COULD TELL HE WAS SERIOUS WHEN HE WAS LAYING ON
HIS BED WITH A ROPE AROUND HIS PENIS THAT WAS ATTACHED TO A
PULLEY SYSTEM AND YOU WERE THERE WITH HIM.
>> YEAH, DO YOU HAVE THE CLIP. >> Jimmy: I WISH I DID BUT I
NOTICE THAT HOWARD STERN'S BOOK WAS ON HIS BEDSIDE TABLE.
>> OH, YEAH. YEAH.
HE WAS A FAN OF HOWARD STERN. AND, YEAH, OUR TASTES ALIGNED IN
STRANGE WAYS. BUT, YOU KNOW, THAT PARASITE WON
BEST PICTURE SO I GUESS A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKEED IT TOO.
>> HAVE YOU TRIED THIS DEVICE HE SELLS TO RESTORE FORESKIN?
>> WELL, I WANTED TO TRY IT BUT WHEN I WAS THERE IN PERSON HE --
I GUESS, FOR MEASURING IT YOU NEED TO TAKE TWO DIFFERENT
MEASUREMENTS, ONE WHEN YOUR PENIS IS PLACID AND ONE WHEN
IT'S ERECT AND I COULDN'T GET IT UP AROUND THE CREW, SO I
COULDN'T [ LAUGHTER ]
I COULDN'T GET THE SECOND MEASUREMENT SO I DON'T HAVE MY
OWN YET BUT WHEN I DO I WILL BE HAPPY TO COME ON AND DEMONSTRATE
IT FOR YOU. >> Jimmy: HA HA HA.
YES, PLEASE, WE MUST HAVE YOU BACK IN TO DO THAT.
THERE'S A CLIP, ONE OF THE AMAZING THINGS ABOUT THE SHOW IS
THAT THERE ARE JUST SO MANY LITTLE CLIPS OF DAILY LIFE IN
NEW YORK AND YOU WEAVE THEM TOGETHER SO BEAUTIFULLY.
THIS CLIP FOR EXAMPLE IS SEEN ON THE SHOW.
S THERE'S A WOMAN WITH A DWAYNE JOHNSON REID BAG AND SHE IS
PUTTING A PIGEON INTO THE BAG. THIS IS NOT -- THIS IS JUST
SOMETHING YOU HAPPEN TO PAWN? >> YEAH.
THIS WAS SOMETHING THAT JUST HAPPENED IN HERALD'S SQUARE.
I DON'T REALLY KNOW FOR SURE WHAT SHE WAS DOING.
I THINK THE PIGEON MAY HAVE BEEN INJURED AND SHE WAS GOING TO
BRING IT TO A VETERINARIAN. BUT THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF THE
SHOW IS THAT YOU CAN JUST TAKE, YOU KNOW, JUST THE MOST
PERPLEXING, INTERESTING PART OF A CLIP AND JUST DROP IT INTO THE
MIDDLE OF A LARGER COLLAGE AND IT TAKES A WHOLE NEW MEANING AND
YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE IT BEGINS OR ENDS, I REALLY LIKE THAT
ABOUT THE SHOW. >> Jimmy: I LIKE THAT TOO.
IN FACT, I HAD SOME QUESTIONS, I REALLY -- I WAS ACTUALLY VERY
CURIOUS ABOUT ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW YOU MAKE THE SHOW.
I DECIDED NOT TO ASK THEM BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THE ONLY
THING IT COULD DO IS RUIN IT A LITTLE BIT.
>> I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANT TO THROW ME A COUPLE SOFTBALLS
I'D -- YOU KNOW -- >> Jimmy: OKAY, THE GUY YOU MEET
IN THE SUPERMARKET. >> OH, SURE.
>> Jimmy: WHO THEN YOU LEARN, WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO GET INTO IT
BUT PEOPLE MUST WATCH THE EPISODE HE SPEAKS ABOUT THE
MANDELA EFFECT WHICH WILL TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN, AND YOU
WIND UP GOING TO IDAHO TO A CONVENTION HE SEEMS TO BE
RUNNING. WAS HE JUST IN THE SUPER MARKET?
>> YEAH, I MEAN, HE WAS IN THE STOP AND SHOP.
I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT THE MANDELA EFFECT CONFERENCE.
I MEAN, THESE ARE THE MOMENTS I LIVE FOR.
THIS IS WHY I MAKE THIS KIND OF WORK.
>> Jimmy: WELL, IT -- I FEEL LIKE THIS SHOW JUST HAPPENED AT
THE RIGHT TIME. I MEAN, IT SEEMS LIKE WE NEEDED
SHOW RIGHT AT THIS TIME. IT'S CALLED "HOW TO WITH JOHN
WILSON" ON HBO MAX. JOHN WILSON, CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT
SEASON. >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> Jimmy: WE'LL BE BACK WITH I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND
ME. >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING. >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING. >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK.
I HOPE YOU LIKE MUSIC, HERE THEY ARE,
NEW MUSIC FOR YOU, THEIR ALBUM IS CALLED "RAZZMATAZZ" WITH THE
SONG "LEAVE ME ALONE," I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME!
♪ ♪
♪ BIG SHOT
SO WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO PRETEND ♪ ♪ YOU TOOK THE MONEY
BUT THE MONEY COULDN'T BUY A FRIEND
NOW I WANT YOU TO ♪ ♪ LEAVE ME ALONE
THEY SAY THE DEVIL THAT YOU KNOW IS BETTER THEN
THE DEVIL THAT YOU DON'T ♪ ♪ YOU'RE A BIG SHOT HERE
BUT NOBODY ELSE KNOWS NOW I WANT YOU TO
LEAVE ME ALONE ♪ ♪ BLIND SPOT
TAKE YOUR BIG SHOT LUCKY ME
GO FLY A KITE ♪ ♪ UNTIL YOU' RE TANGLED
IN THE HANGING TREE NOW I WANT YOU TO
LEAVE ME ALONE ♪ ♪ THEY SAY THE DEVIL THAT
YOU KNOW IS BETTER THAN THE DEVIL THAT YOU DON'T
YOU'RE A BIG SHOT HERE ♪ ♪ BUT NOBODY ELSE KNOWS
NOW I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE
FOUR IN THE MORNING ♪ ♪ BUT WE'RE HAVING
SUCH A LOVELY TIME MAD AS A HATTER
WITH A DAGGER ♪ ♪ AND A DOLLAR SIGN
ARISTOCRAT TIP YOUR HAT
AND BREAK YOUR ♪ ♪ MOTHER'S HEART
AND WHEN THE SUN COMES UP
YOU'LL FIND A ♪ ♪ BRAND-NEW GOD
NOW I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE
THEY SAY THE DEVIL THAT ♪ ♪ YOU KNOW IS BETTER THAN
THE DEVIL THAT YOU DON'T YOU'RE A BIG SHOT HERE ♪
♪ BUT NOBODY ELSE KNOWS NOW I WANT YOU TO
LEAVE ME ALONE ♪ ♪
♪
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK DAX SHEPARD, JOHN WILSON, AND I
DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME.
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT.
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. I WISH YOU CHAMPAGNE WISHES AND
VACCINE DREAMS. GOOD NIGHT.