1 00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:10,542 ♪ BA DA BA BA DA BA BA DA BA BA DA BA ♪ 2 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:22,488 ♪ "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" BACK AT HOME! 3 00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:27,293 >> Jimmy: HI, I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOATE. 4 00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:28,294 THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. THE 21st DAY, OF THE 21st YEAR, 5 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:31,430 OF THE 21st CENTURY, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? 6 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:34,032 NOTHING. IT IS ALSO OUR FIRST FULL DAY OF 7 00:00:34,102 --> 00:00:36,635 TRUMPLESSNESS HERE IN THE U.S.A. THERE WERE NO CRAZY TWEETS FROM 8 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,571 THE POTUS ACCOUNT TODAY. NO EXCLAMATION POINTS. 9 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,441 NO ALL CAPS. THIS IS KIND OF FUN. 10 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:43,976 I'VE BEEN DOING THIS ALL DAY TODAY. 11 00:00:43,978 --> 00:00:46,912 IF YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE AT HOME, YOU SHOULD TRY IT 12 00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:47,713 YOURSELF. WATCH THIS. 13 00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:50,449 ALEXA, IS DONALD TRUMP PRESIDENT? 14 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:55,988 >> DONALD TRUMP IS A FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. 15 00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:59,725 >> Jimmy: FORMER PRESIDENT. ALEXA, WHAT IS HE DOING NOW? 16 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:04,997 >> HE IS AT HOME IN FLORIDA YELLING AT THE TV AND SUCKING 17 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:08,534 HIS THUMB. >> Jimmy: THE JOE BIDEN 18 00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:11,337 ADMINISTRATION IS UNDER WAY. I HAVE TO SAY, IT FEELS GOOD TO 19 00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:14,940 ONLY HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A DEADLY PANDEMIC ALL DAY. 20 00:01:15,009 --> 00:01:16,742 IT IS KIND OF SAD HOW MUCH OF MY LIFE, AND BRAINSPACE, AND ENERGY 21 00:01:16,811 --> 00:01:21,213 I SPENT FOCUSED ON THIS AWFUL, SELFISH CON-MAN FOR THE PAST 22 00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:25,818 FIVE YEARS. PAYING ATTENTION TO EVERY STUPID 23 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:31,958 THING HE SAID, EVERY DUMB MOVE OR HORRIBLE POLICY HE CAME UP 24 00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:32,891 WITH. I DON'T HAVE A JOKE FOR THAT, I 25 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,159 JUST WANTED TO POINT OUT HOW SAD IT IS. 26 00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:39,564 BUT IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON. THE BIDENS ARE MOVED IN. 27 00:01:39,634 --> 00:01:41,901 THEIR DOGS MUST BE GOING CRAZY. BECAUSE EVERYTHING SMELLS LIKE 28 00:01:41,903 --> 00:01:43,835 FRIED CHICKEN IN THERE. DID YOU WATCH THE INAUGURAL 29 00:01:43,905 --> 00:01:53,045 CONCERT LAST NIGHT, GUILLERMO? >> Guillermo: YEAH, IT WAS 30 00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:54,112 FANTASTIC, JIMMY. >> Jimmy: YOU DID. 31 00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:55,581 YOU ENJOYED IT? WHAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT FOR YOU? 32 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:58,250 >> Guillermo: KATY PERRY AND DEMI LOVATO. 33 00:01:58,319 --> 00:01:59,986 >> Jimmy: OKAY, ALWAYS THE LADIES. 34 00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:02,788 >> Guillermo: ALWAYS. >> Jimmy: IN CASE YOU DIDN'T SEE 35 00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:06,992 IT, TOM HANKS HOSTED A STAR-STUDDED "CELEBRATING 36 00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:09,461 AMERICA" CONCERT. THE LINEUP WAS TREMENDOUS -- 37 00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:12,331 THE ONES GUILLERMO MENTIONED, BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, JOHN LEGEND, 38 00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:13,399 JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, FOO FIGHTERS, AND THE MAN OF THE HOUR -- 39 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:23,942 BROADWAY JOE BIDEN HIMSELF! ♪ HAIL TO THE CHIEF 40 00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:34,152 >> HELLO. >> Jimmy: UH, CAN I HELP YOU, 41 00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,620 SIR? THE GARDENING SUPPLIES ARE IN 42 00:02:35,690 --> 00:02:42,028 THE BACK. IT DID FEEL CALMING. 43 00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:44,763 IT FELT FAMILIAR AND WARM, WATCHING THESE PEOPLE WE KNOW 44 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,098 COME TOGETHER. I THINK IT'S BECAUSE THIS IS 45 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:49,168 KIND OF LIKE A SPIN-OFF PRESIDENCY. 46 00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:50,369 JOE BIDEN WAS ONE OF THE MOST BELOVED SUPPORTING CHARACTERS 47 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:55,241 FROM THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION, NOW HE'S GOT HIS OWN SHOW. 48 00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:57,242 BASICALLY, THIS IS THE "FRASIER" OF PRESIDENCIES. 49 00:02:57,311 --> 00:03:03,182 GRAMPOTUS HIT THE GROUND WALKING AT A VERY BRISK PACE. 50 00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:04,316 SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF WORK IS BEING DONE. 51 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:06,051 HE REJOINED THE PARIS CLIMATE ACCORDS. 52 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,320 HE ENDED THE MUSLIM TRAVEL BAN. AT THE PENTAGON, THEY PUT THE 53 00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:11,990 REAL NUCLEAR CODES BACK IN THE FOOTBALL. 54 00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:14,393 DR. FAUCI WAS BACK, A REINVIGORATED DR. FAUCI. 55 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:17,797 THAT WAS GOOD TO SEE. FAUCI ANSWERED QUESTIONS, HE 56 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:21,867 SHARED A LOT OF INFORMATION, HE TOLD US ABOUT A NEW STRAIN OF 57 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:26,272 THE VIRUS IN SOUTH AFRICA. HE SEEMED HAPPY TO BE OUT OF 58 00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:27,873 CAPTIVITY. BIDEN SIGNED SEVERAL ORDERS 59 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:32,678 RELATED TO THE PANDEMIC TODAY. ONE WILL REQUIRE TRAVELERS TO 60 00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,346 WEAR MASKS ON PLANES, TRAINS, AND CITY BUSES. 61 00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:41,153 THEY'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET PEOPLE TO WEAR MASKS ON THE 62 00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:43,222 PLANE BUT THIS ORDER MAKES IT A FEDERAL MANDATE. 63 00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:46,225 SO, IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE IT, THEY HAVE TO LEAVE THE PLANE. 64 00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:47,293 PREFERABLY WHILE IT'S IN THE AIR. 65 00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:49,028 BIDEN ALSO GOT RID OF THE DIET COKE BUTTON TODAY. 66 00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:53,098 YOU KNOW, TRUMP HAD A BUTTON, IN THE OVAL OFFICE. 67 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,434 AND EVERY TIME HE PUSHED IT, THEY WOULD BRING IN A DIET COKE 68 00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:58,503 ON A SILVER TRAY. IT WAS THE JOB HIS SON ERIC WAS 69 00:03:58,573 --> 00:04:05,310 BORN TO DO. THAT'S GONE NOW. 70 00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,913 JOE PREFERS A TALL, COOL TUMBLER FULL OF SARSAPARILLA. 71 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:09,714 WHAT THE BIDEN TEAM IS DOING RIGHT NOW IS LIKE WHEN YOU OPEN 72 00:04:09,784 --> 00:04:15,187 THE HOOD OF A CAR YOU'VE HAD IN STORAGE, YOUR DAD'S '67 SHELBY 73 00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:19,791 GT, AND YOU FIND OUT RATS GOT INSIDE, AND ATE THE INSULATION 74 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:23,395 FROM THE WIRES AND CHEWED UP THE UPHO 75 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:28,534 UPHOLSTERY, CRAPPED A LITTLE. AT THE TOP OF THE LIST OF THINGS 76 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:33,539 THEY NEED TO DRAMATICALLY IMPROVE IS TRUMP'S VACCINE 77 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:36,142 ROLLOUT PLAN. WHICH WILL BE A CHALLENGE AS WE 78 00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:38,344 FOUND OUT TODAY IT DOES NOT EXIST, THERE WAS NO ROLL-OUT 79 00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:40,346 PLAN. I HAVE TO SAY WITH ALL THESE 80 00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:41,614 PROBLEMS, IT KINDA MAKES YOU WONDER HOW JOE IS GONNA FIND 81 00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:46,285 TIME TO WATCH FIVE HOURS OF "RACHEL MADDOW" EVERY DAY. 82 00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:47,819 THAT'S WHAT PRESIDENTS DO, RIGHT? 83 00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:48,954 WE HAVE NOT HEARD A PEEP FROM DONALD TRUMP, AND WE ARE 84 00:04:49,023 --> 00:04:50,756 GRATEFUL TO HIM FOR THAT. TRUMP SPENT HIS FIRST FULL DAY 85 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:56,028 OUT OF OFFICE ON THE GOLF COURSE. 86 00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,229 SO NOTHING HAS REALLY CHANGED. HE IS PUTTING AND PLOTTING. 87 00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:59,031 TRUMP IS ALREADY SAID TO BE PLANNING HIS RETURN TO THE 88 00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:01,967 POLITICAL STAGE. AFTER LESS THAN ONE DAY. 89 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,169 TRUMP IS GOING TO KEEP COMING BACK, EVEN IF IT DOESN'T MAKE 90 00:05:04,238 --> 00:05:05,905 ANY SENSE. LIKE THE EMPEROR IN THE "STAR 91 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:11,043 WARS" MOVIES. EMPEROR PALPATEENY TINY HANDS. 92 00:05:11,045 --> 00:05:14,780 TRUMP GOT A MEATBALL HERO'S WELCOME YESTERDAY IN PALM BEACH. 93 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,917 FANS HELD SIGNS ALONG HIS DRIVE TO MAR-A-LAGO. 94 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,451 "TRUMP WON! ELECTION FRAUD!" 95 00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:23,455 SO YOU CAN SEE THE HEALING HAS BEGUN. 96 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,925 BUT JUST BECAUSE TRUMP IS DOWN IN FLORIDA, DOESN'T MEAN HIS 97 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,927 FRIENDS IN WASHINGTON HAVE FORGOTTEN HIM. 98 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:33,798 SENATOR LINDSEY GRAHAM WAS ON FOX NEWS LAST NIGHT, BUTTERING 99 00:05:33,868 --> 00:05:35,000 HIS BIG BANKRUPT BABY UP, AND WARNING MEMBERS OF HIS PARTY NOT 100 00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:42,208 TO TURN THEIR BACKS ON HIM. >> THIS HAS BEEN A CONSEQUENTIAL 101 00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:43,541 PRESIDENCY. THREE SUPREME COURT JUSTICES. 102 00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:48,080 I HOPE PRESIDENT TRUMP UNDERSTANDS THAT HIS LEGACY AND 103 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,881 HIS BEST FUTURE LIES WITH THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. 104 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:57,423 I HOPE PEOPLE IN OUR PARTY UNDERSTAND THE PARTY ITSELF. 105 00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:59,224 IF YOU'RE WANTING TO ERASE DONALD TRUMP FROM THE PARTY, 106 00:05:59,293 --> 00:06:02,160 YOU'RE GOING TO GET ERASED. >> Jimmy: OR JUST CROSSED OUT IN 107 00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:05,631 BLACK SHARPIE. I WISH TRUMP WOULD JUST TELL US 108 00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:08,099 WHAT HE HAS ON LINDSEY GRAHAM AND SET THE MAN FREE. 109 00:06:08,169 --> 00:06:10,035 YOU ALMOST FEEL BAD FOR THESE GUYS. 110 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,638 POOR SEAN HANNITY. HE HAS A SHOW TO DO EVERY NIGHT. 111 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:15,307 HE USED TO GET CALLS FROM THE PRESIDENT. 112 00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:19,244 YEAH, THEY WERE LONG, RAMBLING CALL 113 00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:22,047 CALLS, BUT THEY WERE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. 114 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,783 NOW HE'S STUCK WITH THIS. >> TOMORROW ON THIS PROGRAM 115 00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:28,454 WE'LL HAVE THE DELAWARE LAPTOP REPAIRMAN. 116 00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:32,924 HE AND HIS HARD DRIVE. >> Jimmy: OH, BOY. 117 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:35,461 THIS IS THE DELAWARE LAPTOP REPAIRMAN WHO LOOKS LIKE HE 118 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:38,997 GIVES TOURS OF LOCK NECESSARILY. MONSTER SIGHTING GUARANTEED. 119 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,132 HE'S THE LAPTOP REPAIRMAN. AT THE CENTER OF ALL THIS. 120 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,335 YOU KNOW THE GENIUS BAR? HE WORKS AT THE OPPOSITE OF 121 00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:45,470 THAT. THIS HAS BEEN A TOUGH WEEK FOR 122 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:48,273 THE Q-ANON CROWD. THE PROPHECIES THEY'VE BUILT 123 00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:52,544 MUCH OF THEIR LIVES AROUND DID NOT COME TO FRUITION. 124 00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:55,480 THESE GUYS WOKE UP YESTERDAY, THINKING THEY WERE ABOUT TO 125 00:06:55,549 --> 00:07:00,019 WATCH TRUMP ROUND UP AND ARREST ALL THE ELITES, THE PEDOPHILES. 126 00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:03,756 AND BY 6:00, TOM HANKS WAS INTRODUCING BILL CLINTON TO 127 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,090 CONGRATULATE JOE BIDEN ON BEING PRESIDENT. 128 00:07:05,159 --> 00:07:09,294 WHAT Q-ANON MEMBERS EXPERIENCED YESTERDAY WAS THE EQUIVALENT OF 129 00:07:09,363 --> 00:07:11,896 LEAVING OUT COOKIES FOR SANTA, AND IN THE MORNING, FINDING THEM 130 00:07:11,966 --> 00:07:14,165 UNTOUCHED. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GREAT 131 00:07:14,235 --> 00:07:20,306 AWAKENING? DID Q FORGET TO SET HIS ALARM 132 00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:24,043 CLOCK? THESE ARE POSTS FROM THE Q 133 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:29,647 MESSAGE BOARDS FROM YESTERDAY. THE DAY STARTED OUT WITH A 134 00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,850 HOPEFUL, EXCITED TONE. TODAY'S THE DAY. 135 00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,719 HOLY S, I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE 136 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,522 UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS. I'VE GOT THE POPCORN READY, I'M 137 00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,456 SO EXCITED. THE STORM IS HERE. 138 00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:42,327 THEY CANNOT STOP WHAT IS HAPPENING TODAY. 139 00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:44,530 THEY KNEW ALL THE DETAILS OF THE BIG PLAN. 140 00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:46,464 THIS ONE HAD EVERYTHING. THE INAUGURATION WILL GO AHEAD 141 00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:48,800 AS PLANNED ON WEDNESDAY. THE INDICTMENT WILL BE UNSEALED 142 00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:52,270 WEDNESDAY MORNING AND ARREST WARRANTS WILL BE ISSUED. 143 00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:55,073 ONCE EVERYBODY IS IN PLACE, THE NATIONAL GUARD WILL BE USED TO 144 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:58,677 SECURE THE PERIMETER OF THE CAPITOL GROUNDS. 145 00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:02,280 NOBODY OUT, NOBODY IN. MARINES WILL BE GUARDING THE 146 00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,416 TUNNELS. AS BIDEN COMES OUT, THE SECRET 147 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,352 SERVICE WILL DETAIN AND ISSUE THE ARREST WARRANTS ON 148 00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:10,889 APPROXIMATELY 50 TO 100 MEMBERS OF THE AUDIENCE, BIDEN, PELOSI, 149 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:14,693 SCHUMER, OBAMA, CLINTON, THEY'LL ALL BE TRANSPORTED TO AN 150 00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:19,231 UNDERGROUND MILITARY BASE BY MARINES WHERE THEY WILL BE TRIED 151 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:21,032 FOR THEIR CRIMES BY MILITARY TRIBUNAL. 152 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:23,769 ALL TELEVISIONS WILL AUTOMATICALLY TUNE INTO THIS 153 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,570 TRIAL, NO MATTER WHAT STATION YOU SET IT TO. 154 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:30,709 ENJOY THE SHOW. BUT THEN THERE WAS NO SHOW, JOE 155 00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:33,111 BIDEN GOT SWORN IN, THERE WERE NO ARRESTS. 156 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,981 NO MARINES, NO MILITARY TRIBUNAL. 157 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:39,651 OUR TVs DIDN'T AUTOMATICALLY CHANGE CHANNELS. 158 00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:43,655 WHICH IS PROBABLY THE LEAST REALISTIC THING ON THE LIST. 159 00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:45,723 EVERYONE JUST SAT THERE WATCHING J. LO. 160 00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:47,526 AND THAT WAS CONFUSING. LOOK AT THIS. 161 00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:48,326 WHERE IS THE ARRESTS? OH MY GOD. 162 00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:51,129 I'M FREAKING OUT. HEART BEATING SO FAST. 163 00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,731 HYPERVENTILATING. I LOST MY ENTIRE LIFE SAVING 164 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:56,602 BETTING ON TRUMP TO WIN. I TRUSTED TRUMP THAT THE TRUTH 165 00:08:56,604 --> 00:09:01,807 WOULD COME OUT AND I'D GET MY MONEY BACK. 166 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:05,877 Q, WHERE IS THE ARRESTS? THIS IS AN EMBARRASSMENT. 167 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,813 WELL, I'M THE OFFICIAL LAUGHINGSTOCK OF MY FAMILY NOW, 168 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:12,016 AWESOME. OMG, NONE OF THIS WAS REAL. 169 00:09:12,086 --> 00:09:13,819 BUT THEN THERE WAS A GLIMMER OF HOPE. 170 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,021 HOLD THE LINE, MILITARY'S THE ONLY WAY. 171 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:19,157 I'M STILL 100% CONFIDENT PRESIDENT TRUMP WILL BE SERVING 172 00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:22,227 FOUR MORE YEARS. PRAY. 173 00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:31,837 AND THEN REALITY HIT. Q WAS A LARP THE ENTIRE F'ing 174 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,372 TIME. LARP IS A LIVE ACTION ROLE 175 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,240 PLAYING GAME, I HAD TO LOOK THAT UP. 176 00:09:35,309 --> 00:09:36,441 EVERYONE GOT STRUNG ALONG AND TRICKED. 177 00:09:36,510 --> 00:09:38,377 AND FINALLY, WE GOT CONNED. YES, YOU MOST CERTAINLY DID. 178 00:09:38,379 --> 00:09:39,578 YOU GOT DONNED. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED. 179 00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,580 BUT INSTEAD OF ACCEPTING IT, MANY OF THESE CHARACTERS ARE 180 00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:42,781 DOUBLING DOWN WITH MORE BANANA-HEADED IDEAS. 181 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:46,985 THIS APPARENTLY IS HOW IT WORKS. WITH CONSPIRACY FANS. 182 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,855 THEY JUST MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ONE. 183 00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:51,056 WHEN THE FIRST ONE DOESN'T COME TRUE. 184 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,858 ONE NEW THEORY WAS THAT THE BLACK-AND-GRAY COAT MELANIA WORE 185 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:59,264 DURING HER FINAL ADDRESS RESEMBLED THE TV STATIC THAT 186 00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:01,934 WOULD SIGNAL THE MEDIA BLACKOUT OF TRUMP'S MILITARY TAKEOVER. 187 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,269 WHICH IF YOU BELIEVE MELANIA IS THINKING ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER 188 00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:07,873 THAN GETTING SOME ALONE TIME WITH HER TENNIS PRO, YOU REALLY 189 00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:12,944 ARE CRAZY. BY THE WAY, THE POOR FACT 190 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,614 CHECKERS AT "THE WASHINGTON POST," THEY'VE BEEN TRACKING ALL 191 00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,549 OF DONALD TRUMP'S FALSE OR MISLEADING STATEMENTS SINCE HE 192 00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:19,284 TOOK OFFICE. AND YESTERDAY THEY POSTED THEIR 193 00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:24,823 FINAL TALLY. 30,573 LIES. 194 00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:30,695 THAT IS A RECORD THAT WILL NEVER BE BROKEN. 195 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:33,498 IF THOSE LIES WERE POINTS, DONALD TRUMP WOULD BE THE NBA'S 196 00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:38,636 EIGHTH ALL-TIME LEADING SCORER, AHEAD OF SHAQ, JUST BEHIND WILT 197 00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:39,705 CHAMBERLAIN. BUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HIM 198 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:40,973 AND THEM IS HE DID IT IN FOUR YEARS. 199 00:10:40,975 --> 00:10:43,041 HE AVERAGED 21 LIES A DAY. AND THOSE ARE JUST THE LIES HE 200 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:44,710 TOLD IN PUBLIC. IF YOU ADD IN THE ONES HE TOLD 201 00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:48,380 MELANIA, AND SCREAMED AT THE TV, IT'D PROBABLY BE A MILLION. 202 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:51,183 HE IS THE GREATEST LIAR OF ALL TIME. 203 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:58,323 HE IS B.S. ELLIOT. HE IS LIES-A-MINELLI. 204 00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,391 HOAX HOGAN. FIBERACE. 205 00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:02,193 DUPE A LIPA! THAT'S THE THING I WILL MISS 206 00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:03,461 ABOUT TRUMP. DOING WHAT HE DOES, COMING UP 207 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:06,664 WITH INSULTING NICKNAMES. OVER THE PAST FOUR YEARS, WE'VE 208 00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:14,205 COME UP WITH A LOT OF THEM. BUT THE TIME'S PASSED NOW. 209 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:16,074 SO TO REMEMBER ALL THAT DELICIOUS LOW HANGING FRUIT, TO 210 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:22,414 CEMENT THEM IN OUR MINDS, WE COMBED THROUGH MORE THAN 4,000 211 00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:26,951 PAGES OF OUR MONOLOGUES AND WHITTLED THEM DOWN TO THE BEST 212 00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:31,556 AND ASKED A GRAMMY-NOMINATED MUSICIAN TO BRING THEM TO LIFE 213 00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:33,225 IN SONG. AND NOW, IT'S TIME TO TAKE A 214 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,026 TRIP DOWN MEMORY NAME. WITH A 41-PUN-MUSICAL SALUTE TO 215 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:35,293 THE MANY NICKNAMES OF DONALD TRUMP. 216 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:43,101 THE GREAT RUFUS WAINWRIGHT. ♪ LET'S RAISE A GLASS MY FRIEND 217 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:51,910 AMERICA IS GREAT AGAIN ♪ ♪ TO CELEBRATE THE LAST FOUR 218 00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:55,046 YEARS THE LAUGHS WE'VE HAD AND MANY TEARS ♪ 219 00:11:55,115 --> 00:12:07,859 ♪ WE SEND OFF NUMBER 45 WITH NAMES HE WAS CALLED ON "JIMMY 220 00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:19,604 KIMMEL LIVE" ♪ ♪ TRUMP-A-LOOPA 221 00:12:19,673 --> 00:12:24,275 ♪ PUMPKIN PORN HUMPER ♪ UNHAPPY GILMORE 222 00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:32,818 ♪ COMMANDER IN BEEF ♪ ELCRAPPY TAN 223 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:38,957 ♪ GRAB-ASS GRANDPA ♪ ORANGE HULK 224 00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:45,564 ♪ ABRASCAM LINCOLN ♪ FLABIO 225 00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:49,968 ♪ TWITTER MACHINE ♪ HYDROXY HORROR PICTURE SHOW 226 00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:58,176 ♪ ORANGE JULIUS CESAR ♪ SPREADDY KRUGER 227 00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:07,652 ♪ GENGHIS KHAN ♪ PUTIN'S PEEPEE PAL 228 00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:12,591 LIGHTNING ROUND! ♪ TWEETY GONZALES 229 00:13:12,593 --> 00:13:20,599 ♪ DANNY SOPRANO ♪ KENTUCKY FIVE 230 00:13:20,601 --> 00:13:24,002 ♪ DONNIE VADER ♪ PAPA GRANDPA 231 00:13:24,071 --> 00:13:36,415 ♪ THE LOCK HER UP NESS MONSTER ♪ ♪ HUNGRY HUNGRY HYPOCRITE 232 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:47,358 ♪ THANK GOD WE'RE FINALLY DONE ♪ WITH THIS [ BLEEP ] 233 00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:51,429 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, RUFUS. RUFUS WAINWRIGHT. 234 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,832 WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 235 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:59,437 DANA BASH IS WITH US FROM CNN. MUSIC FROM BEST COAST, AND BE 236 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:03,241 RIGHT BACK WITH ALLISON JANNEY! ♪ 237 00:14:12,653 --> 00:14:16,454 >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. TONIGHT, CNN'S CHIEF POLITICAL 238 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,123 CORRESPONDENT, DANA BASH IS WITH US. 239 00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:22,461 THEN, LATER THEIR ALBUM IS CALLED "ALWAYS TOMORROW." 240 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,929 THEY'RE FROM RIGHT HERE IN LOS ANGELES, MUSIC FROM BEST COAST. 241 00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:29,400 NEXT WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS AND I HAVE A LIST OF WHO'S ON 242 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,870 THEM. MICHELLE PFEIFFER, 98 COMEY 243 00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:37,208 WATTS, ADDITION SHEPARD, ANTHONY ANDERSON, GEORGE LOPEZ, MY 244 00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,945 COUSIN SAL WILL BE OUR GUEST. HE HAS A NEW BOOK CALLED "YOU 245 00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:44,215 CAN'T LOSE THEM ALL," AND WE WILL HAVE ALL OUR FAMILY 246 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:48,286 SECRETS. MUSIC FROM DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE. 247 00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:50,155 LESLIE ODOM JR, ARLO PARKS, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW, BUT THEY FOUND 248 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,357 ME. PLEASE JOIN US NEXT WEEK FOR ALL 249 00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:55,159 THAT. OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT HAS AN 250 00:14:55,229 --> 00:15:01,766 OSCAR, A GOLDEN GLOBE, SEVEN EMMYS, WHO KNOWS, PROBABLY A 251 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,568 SPELLING BEE MEDAL TOO. HER NEW MOVIE, "BREAKING NEWS IN 252 00:15:03,637 --> 00:15:04,636 YUBA COUNTY" OPENS IN SELECT THEATRES AND DIGITALLY FEBRUARY 253 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:12,844 12th. PLEASE SAY HELLO AT YOUR HOME TO 254 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,580 ALLISON JANNEY. HOW ALISON, HOW ARE YOU? 255 00:15:15,649 --> 00:15:17,181 >> HEY, JIMMY, I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD. 256 00:15:17,251 --> 00:15:20,719 THIS IS NOTHING TO DO WITH POLITICS BUT I FEEL BETTER THAN 257 00:15:20,721 --> 00:15:23,054 I'VE FELT IN FOUR YEARS AND ONE DAY. 258 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:26,457 >> Jimmy: WHAT A COINCIDENCE, HUH? 259 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:30,394 NOW I WAS TOLD YOU WERE GOING TO BE AT WORK, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE 260 00:15:30,464 --> 00:15:32,330 EITHER YOU HAVE THE BIGGEST TRAILER IN SHOW BUSINESS 261 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:38,803 HISTORY, OR YOU'RE AT HOME. >> I ACTUALLY GOT OUT EARLY, SO 262 00:15:38,872 --> 00:15:40,405 I GOT TO COME HOME, WHICH I'M SO HAPPY. 263 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:44,676 IT'S MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE, MUCH BETTER SETTING THAN MY ROOM AT 264 00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,811 WORK. THIS IS BETTER, TRUST ME. 265 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:51,149 >> Jimmy: YOU ARE SHOOTING "MOM," YOUR SITCOM, EIGHTH 266 00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:52,617 SEASON OF THE SHOW. >> CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 267 00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:56,021 >> Jimmy: I ASSUME THERE'S NO AUDIENCE, THERE ARE NO PEOPLE 268 00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,889 THERE TO WATCH LIKE THERE USUALLY ARE? 269 00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,824 >> NO, WE STARTED BACK IN OCTOBER. 270 00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:03,294 WE'VE BEEN REALLY LUCKY THAT WE'VE KEPT BEING ABLE TO DO THE 271 00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:08,033 SHOWS, BECAUSE WE HAVE A LOT OF COVID PROTOCOLS AND SHIELDS AND 272 00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:11,436 MASKS. YOU KNOW, I GET TESTED LIKE -- I 273 00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:15,707 GET TESTED ALMOST SEVEN TO EIGHT TIMES A WEEK, DEPENDING ON 274 00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:19,177 WHETHER OR NOT I'M GOING TO BE DOING KISSING SCENES. 275 00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:20,245 >> Jimmy: REALLY? WOW. 276 00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:21,112 >> YEAH. YEAH. 277 00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,715 >> Jimmy: THAT'S INTERESTING. >> YEAH. 278 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:26,450 >> Jimmy: GUILLERMO AND I DO THAT TOO, SOMETIMES WE'LL GET UP 279 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:33,191 TO A DOZEN JUST SO WE CAN KISS DURING COMMERCIAL BREAKS. 280 00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:36,261 OKAY, SO YOU'RE STILL DOING KISSING SCENES, THAT'S BOLD. 281 00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:37,662 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: IN A LOT OF 282 00:16:37,731 --> 00:16:40,198 PRODUCTIONS, I KNOW PEOPLE HAVE SAID, WELL, IF THERE ARE GOING 283 00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:44,735 TO BE KISSING SCENES YOU HAVE TO PUT MY HUSBAND IN THIS, PUT MY 284 00:16:44,805 --> 00:16:46,671 WIFE IN IT, I'M NOT GOING TO KISS A STRANGER. 285 00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:50,275 I WONDER HOW LONG IT WILL BE BEFORE WE GO BACK TO NORMAL 286 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,478 WHERE WE DON'T HAVE TO HAVE TESTS BEFORE A KISSING SCENE. 287 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,215 >> I CANNOT PREDICT THAT, BUT I WILL SAY I HAD A FUNNY -- EVEN 288 00:16:57,217 --> 00:17:02,020 BEFORE COVID, I HAD A SCENE PARTNER WHO I HAD TO KISS WITH. 289 00:17:02,088 --> 00:17:13,564 HE WAS SUCH A GERMOPHOBE, HE WOULD PUTNEY NEOSPORIN ON HIS L 290 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,701 AND ASK ME TO PUT IT ON MINE BEFORE KISSING. 291 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:17,836 >> Jimmy: WHAT? THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. 292 00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:21,573 >> I TOOK IT VERY PERSONALLY. WHAT DOES HE THINK I PUT IN MY 293 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,174 MOUTH? I DON'T KNOW. 294 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:27,445 IT KIND OF UNNERVED ME. YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE 295 00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:29,514 GERMOPHOBES. >> Jimmy: BY ANY CHANCE WAS THIS 296 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:30,848 HOWIE MANDEL? >> YOU MIGHT THINK SO, BUT NO, 297 00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:34,652 IT WAS NOT HOWIE MANDEL. I WILL NOT SAY WHO IT WAS. 298 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:39,657 >> Jimmy: WHAT TESTS DO YOU GET? >> I GET -- I CALL IT THE 299 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:43,928 MID-NOSE SWIRL. NOT THE BRAIN TICKLE, BUT THE 300 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,331 MID-NOSE SWIRL. AND EVERYONE LAUGHS AT ME BUT I 301 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:51,135 REALLY LOVE THE WAY IT FEELS. >> Jimmy: REALLY? 302 00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:54,873 >> YEAH, I'M LIKE, CAN YOU KEEP DOING THAT A LITTLE HONKER? 303 00:17:54,875 --> 00:18:00,879 IT'S LIKE A PUPPY GETTING SCRATCHED OR SOMETHING. 304 00:18:00,881 --> 00:18:02,080 KEEP DOING THAT IT FEELS SO GOOD. 305 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:10,154 IT RELAXES ME, I DON'T KNOW. >> Jimmy: I THINK YOUR DOG HEARD 306 00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:12,290 "PUPPY GETTING SCRATCHED" AND WANDERED INTO THE ROOM. 307 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:13,158 ARE YOU LIKE THAT WITH YOUR EARS? 308 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:17,028 ARE YOU A Q-TIP ABUSER? >> I AM. 309 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,831 THERE WAS AN EAR DOCTOR, WHAT'S AN EAR DOCTOR? 310 00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:23,034 AN EAR DOCTOR? >> Jimmy: ENT, EAR, NOSE AND 311 00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:24,235 THROAT. >> HE SAID, DON'T PUT ANYTHING 312 00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:28,039 IN YOUR EAR SMALLER THAN AN ELBOW. 313 00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:32,243 I DID NOT LISTEN TO HIM. I LOVE THE Q-TIP IN THE EAR, OH, 314 00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:33,311 YEAH. >> LOVE IT TOO. 315 00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:36,982 I LOVE IT. MY ENT SAID THE OPPOSITE. 316 00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:40,852 HE SAID, YOU'RE GOING TO PUT MY KIDS THROUGH COLLEGE WITH THIS, 317 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,721 SO KEEP GOING WITH THE Q-TIPS IN YOUR EAR. 318 00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:45,523 >> YOU'VE NEVER BURST YOUR EARDRUM? 319 00:18:45,592 --> 00:18:49,927 >> Jimmy: YEAH, I HAVE. I'VE PERFORATED MY EARDRUM A 320 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,196 NUMBER OF TIMES. I'LL GET EAR INFECTIONS OUT OF 321 00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:54,065 IT, THE WHOLE THING. BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH, IT'S 322 00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:57,201 WORTH IT. >> DOES IT HURT? 323 00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,670 DOES IT HURT WHEN YOU BURST YOUR EARDRUMS? 324 00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:02,006 DOES IT BLEED? WHAT DOES IT DO? 325 00:19:02,075 --> 00:19:04,209 >> Jimmy: IT LEAKS. I DIDN'T LIKE TOTALLY -- IT'S 326 00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:06,411 NOT LIKE I WENT IN ONE EAR AND CAME OUT THE OTHER WITH THE 327 00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:11,549 Q-TIP. BUT I GET A LITTLE ROUGH IN 328 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:16,220 THERE, I UNDERSTAND THAT. YOU KNOW, I KNOW THAT THIS IS AN 329 00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:19,891 INTERESTING THING FOR YOU, ESPECIALLY WITH THE FOCUS ON 330 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:22,760 POLITICS. I WONDER IF THERE'S SOME 331 00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:25,229 CONNECTION HERE. BUT "THE WEST WING" NOW, BECAUSE 332 00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:29,233 THE SHOW WAS STREAMING, HAD A BIG RESURGENCE IN POPULARITY, 333 00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:30,301 RIGHT? A WHOLE NEW AUDIENCE. 334 00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:38,776 >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. >> Jimmy: IS THAT STRANGE TO BE 335 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:42,113 ASKED ABOUT SOMETHING YOU SHOT SO LONG AGO, 15 YEARS AGO OR 336 00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,248 SOMETHING? >> I LOVE IT. 337 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:46,717 NOT AT ALL, I LOVE IT. I STAY IN TOUCH WITH ALL OF 338 00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:54,125 THEM. WE'RE ON AN NENORMOUS TEXT STRIG 339 00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:54,725 CHAIN. >> Jimmy: WITH YOUR CAST 340 00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:55,460 MEMBERS? >> OH, YEAH. 341 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,263 >> Jimmy: OH. >> IT'S SO MUCH FUN. 342 00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:00,999 WE TEXT ABOUT ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. 343 00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:05,336 AND THERE'S A LOT OF ABUSE GIVEN ON THOSE TEXT CHAINS. 344 00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:09,941 >> Jimmy: OH, WHO IS THE RECIPIENT OF THE ABUSE GIVEN? 345 00:20:09,943 --> 00:20:12,811 >> OH -- ACTUALLY, JOSH MOLINA IS. 346 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:15,613 AND I -- >> Jimmy: I WOULD HAVE GUESSED 347 00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:19,951 THAT, I HAVE A FEELING HE'S GETTING ALL THE ABUSE ON THE 348 00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:23,688 "SCANDAL" TEXT CHAIN ALSO. >> HE IS, I STEP BACK AND WATCH, 349 00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,356 I CAN'T PLAY WITH THE BIG BOYS ON THAT THING. 350 00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,625 THEY'LL CRUSH ME, THEY'LL MAKE ME CRY. 351 00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:31,029 THIS IS WHAT DUE LAY POSTED. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN SEE 352 00:20:31,031 --> 00:20:31,963 THIS. OF JOSH. 353 00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:35,700 >> Jimmy: I -- THAT'S JOSH? >> THAT'S JOSH. 354 00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:37,635 WELL, YOU KNOW. TAKEN A MILLION YEARS AGO. 355 00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:41,572 BUT THEN BRAD WILL SAY, HAVEN'T WE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH THIS 356 00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:48,713 YEAR? YOU KNOW, JUST -- BACK AND 357 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:49,914 FORTH, CRAZY TEXTS. >> Jimmy: WOW. 358 00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:52,850 I AM GOING TO HAVE TO GOOGLE THAT PICTURE OF JOSH AFTER MY 359 00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:58,055 WIFE GOES TO BED. WOW. 360 00:20:58,124 --> 00:21:00,592 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT. HOW DID I NEVER GET HOLD OF THAT 361 00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:02,726 PICTURE OF JOSH? WILL YOU SEND THAT TO ME, 362 00:21:02,796 --> 00:21:03,995 PLEASE? >> I TOTALLY WILL SEND IT TO 363 00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:04,995 YOU. >> Jimmy: WOW. 364 00:21:05,065 --> 00:21:09,200 THAT'S CRAZY. >> NO IDEA -- I DIDN'T KNOW HE 365 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:13,004 WAS A SWIMSUIT MODEL AT SOME POINT IN HIS CAREER. 366 00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:14,672 >> Jimmy: I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED THAT. 367 00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:15,740 LET'S TAKE A BREAK. WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL TALK 368 00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:19,276 ABOUT THE NEW MOVIE "BREAKING NEWS IN YUBA COUNTY." 369 00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:21,812 ALLISON JANNEY IS WITH US, BE RIGHT BACK. 370 00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:31,956 >>> CAN YOU THINK OF ANYONE THAT MIGHT WANT TO HARM YOUR HUSBAND? 371 00:21:32,025 --> 00:21:38,096 >> OH MY GOODNESS, NO. I MEAN -- I -- I DON'T THINK SO. 372 00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:44,435 KARL WAS SUCH A SWEET MAN. WHY WOULD ANYONE TAKE HIM -- 373 00:21:44,503 --> 00:21:47,038 THIS IS A PHOTO OF ME AND KARL IN CASE YOU NEED IT FOR ALL THE 374 00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:52,510 PRESS CONFERENCES AND WHATNOT. >> Jimmy: ALLISON JANNEY IS WITH 375 00:21:52,579 --> 00:21:57,715 US, "BREAKING NEWS IN YUBA COUNTY" IS HER MOVIE. 376 00:21:57,784 --> 00:21:59,583 WHERE IS YUBA COUNTY? NORTHERN CALIFORNIA, RIGHT? 377 00:21:59,653 --> 00:22:10,662 >> IT IS IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA, ALTHOUGH THE WRITER, AMANDA 378 00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:14,665 ADOKO, I THINK SHE WANTED TO PICK EVERYTOWN, USA. 379 00:22:14,734 --> 00:22:18,736 IT'S NOT SPECIFICALLY UNIQUE TO YUBA COUNTY. 380 00:22:18,738 --> 00:22:23,208 JUST SMALLTOWN, USA. >> Jimmy: DID YOU SHOOT IN YUBA? 381 00:22:23,276 --> 00:22:26,210 I'VE SEEN YUBA CITY. >> YOU HAVE? 382 00:22:26,279 --> 00:22:28,279 YUBA CITY? >> Jimmy: EX, I THINK I'VE SEEN 383 00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:31,415 IT ON A FREEWAY OR SOMETHING. MAYBE NOT. 384 00:22:31,484 --> 00:22:36,020 THERE MUST BE A YUBA CITY IN YUBA COUNTY, RIGHT? 385 00:22:36,089 --> 00:22:38,822 >> SURE. >> Jimmy: WE'RE IN L.A. COUNTY. 386 00:22:38,892 --> 00:22:40,557 YOU BETTER BRUSH UP ON THIS STUFF. 387 00:22:40,627 --> 00:22:43,494 YOU'RE A MAJOR FIGURE IN YUBA COUNTY NOW. 388 00:22:43,563 --> 00:22:46,831 EVERYONE WHO LIVES THERE IS GOING TO SEE THIS MOVIE SEVEN 389 00:22:46,899 --> 00:22:48,766 TIMES. THEY'LL GO, HEY! 390 00:22:48,768 --> 00:22:51,436 YOU KNOW, IT'S THIS AND THAT AND WHATEVER! 391 00:22:51,438 --> 00:22:53,971 YOU MIGHT WANT TO LEARN BEFORE YOU BECOME THEIR QUEEN. 392 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:57,174 >> YOU'RE RIGHT, I NEED TO BRUSH UP ON YUBA COUNTY STATS. 393 00:22:57,243 --> 00:23:02,580 I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT OTHER THAN ANY THAT I DON'T KNOW 394 00:23:02,649 --> 00:23:05,115 ANYTHING ABOUT. WE DIDN'T SHOOT IT IN YUBA 395 00:23:05,185 --> 00:23:06,317 COUNTY, WE SHOT IT IN MISSISSIPPI. 396 00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:10,454 BECAUSE TATE TAYLOR, WHO IS THE DIRECTOR, HAS HIS -- HE'S GOT A 397 00:23:10,523 --> 00:23:15,459 WHOLE FILM PRODUCTION COMPANY DOWN THERE WITH STAGES AND 398 00:23:15,528 --> 00:23:16,527 EVERYTHING. AND HE DOESN'T JUST SHOOT A 399 00:23:16,595 --> 00:23:22,933 MOVIE, HE THROWS A PARTY. IT'S LIKE ACTOR FILM CAMP. 400 00:23:23,002 --> 00:23:27,138 JUST -- IT'S THE MOST FUN EXPERIENCE, FROM SHOOTING THE 401 00:23:27,206 --> 00:23:29,540 MOVIE TO AFTERWARDS. EVERYONE SORT OF LIVES TOGETHER 402 00:23:29,609 --> 00:23:33,410 IN THESE HOUSES, THIS COMPOUND HE HAS DOWN THERE. 403 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,679 >> Jimmy: WOW. >> YOU KNOW, YOU BREAK BREAD 404 00:23:35,749 --> 00:23:39,216 TOGETHER, YOU WORK TOGETHER, DANCE, WORK HARD, PLAY HARD. 405 00:23:39,285 --> 00:23:41,952 IT'S AN INCREDIBLE -- IT WAS AN INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE. 406 00:23:42,021 --> 00:23:45,956 THEN ALSO, GETTING ALL OF THOSE CAST MEMBERS -- I FELT LIKE I 407 00:23:46,025 --> 00:23:49,093 WAS THROWING A PARTY, AND I WAS SO HONORED THAT EVERYBODY I 408 00:23:49,095 --> 00:23:53,297 INVITED WANTED TO COME AND PLAY. I FELT -- IT WAS -- IT WAS 409 00:23:53,366 --> 00:23:57,301 EXTRAORDINARY WORKING WITH -- >> Jimmy: LET ME NAME SOME OF 410 00:23:57,370 --> 00:24:02,440 THE FOLKS. MILA KUNIS, JULIETTE LEWIS, 411 00:24:02,508 --> 00:24:06,110 BRIDGET EVERETT, AWKWAFINA, WANDA SYKES. 412 00:24:06,179 --> 00:24:07,645 YEAH, THAT SEEMS LIKE A FUN GROUP. 413 00:24:07,713 --> 00:24:09,446 >> A PRETTY GREAT GROUP. I DIDN'T GET TO DO ANY SCENES 414 00:24:09,516 --> 00:24:13,718 WITH WANDA, BUT I GOT TO DANCE IN THE KITCHEN WITH HER ONE 415 00:24:13,786 --> 00:24:15,586 NIGHT. IT WAS JUST -- IT WAS SO MUCH 416 00:24:15,655 --> 00:24:17,655 FUN. >> Jimmy: WANDA IS THE FUNNIEST. 417 00:24:17,657 --> 00:24:18,790 WANDA IS HILARIOUS. >> SHE REALLY IS. 418 00:24:18,858 --> 00:24:22,460 I JUST -- I HAVE SUCH A CRUSH ON HER, I LOVE HER. 419 00:24:22,528 --> 00:24:24,395 WE HAD A GREAT TIME. IT'S SUCH A GREAT -- IT'S A 420 00:24:24,464 --> 00:24:28,800 FUN -- KIND OF LIKE -- I PLAY THIS CHARACTER WHO'S KIND OF THE 421 00:24:28,868 --> 00:24:32,603 INVISIBLE WOMAN, WHO'S NOT SEEN OR HEARD OR APPRECIATED ENOUGH 422 00:24:32,671 --> 00:24:35,139 IN HER LIFE. AND SHE MAKES A DECISION THAT 423 00:24:35,141 --> 00:24:38,476 OPENS KIND OF A PANDORA'S BOX OF CHAOS. 424 00:24:38,478 --> 00:24:42,680 I CALL IT -- SORT OF A BUTTERFLY EFFECT, WHERE SHE MAKES ONE 425 00:24:42,749 --> 00:24:45,883 CHOICE AND IT AFFECTS SO MANY PEOPLE'S LIVES. 426 00:24:45,952 --> 00:24:56,827 AND I THINK IT'S KIND OF LIKE A CRIME COMEDY OR -- A CROMEDY? 427 00:24:56,896 --> 00:24:59,096 >> Jimmy: THAT'S GOOD. YOU MAY HAVE JUST COME UP WITH A 428 00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:03,567 NEW TERM. >> I THINK I DID. 429 00:25:03,636 --> 00:25:05,236 CROMEDY. >> Jimmy: CRIMEDY. 430 00:25:05,304 --> 00:25:08,972 WE'VE GOT A GAME WE WANT TO PLAY, A SHORT VERSION OF IT. 431 00:25:09,042 --> 00:25:11,375 >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: YOU'VE BEEN IN MANY 432 00:25:11,444 --> 00:25:13,578 FILMS. SOME WE ALL REMEMBER, OTHERS WE 433 00:25:13,580 --> 00:25:17,382 AND POSSIBLY MAYBE EVEN YOU DO NOT REMEMBER, ALL RIGHT? 434 00:25:17,450 --> 00:25:20,251 I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A ONE-LINE DESCRIPTION OF A TV SHOW OR 435 00:25:20,319 --> 00:25:21,719 MOVIE. YOU TELL ME IF YOU WERE IN IT OR 436 00:25:21,721 --> 00:25:22,787 NOT. >> OKAY. 437 00:25:22,855 --> 00:25:25,522 >> Jimmy: BONUS POINTS IF YOU TELL ME THE NAME OF THE 438 00:25:25,592 --> 00:25:27,592 CHARACTER YOU PLAYED. ARE YOU READY? 439 00:25:27,594 --> 00:25:28,526 >> NO. >> Jimmy: LET'S PLAY "WAS I IN 440 00:25:28,528 --> 00:25:35,066 IT?" ALL RIGHT. 441 00:25:35,068 --> 00:25:37,668 A COUPLE DEALS WITH THEIR PROBLEMATIC DAUGHTER'S COCAINE 442 00:25:37,737 --> 00:25:42,406 ADDICTION. WERE YOU IN IT? 443 00:25:42,475 --> 00:25:44,875 THAT'S IT, THAT'S ALL YOU GET. >> WHAT WAS THAT? 444 00:25:44,944 --> 00:25:48,612 ARE YOU SERIOUS? >> Jimmy: YEAH. 445 00:25:48,681 --> 00:25:53,084 >> NO, I WASN'T IN THAT. >> Jimmy: LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT 446 00:25:53,086 --> 00:25:57,087 THE CLIP. >> WHERE WAS HE GETTING COCAINE? 447 00:25:57,156 --> 00:26:02,426 >> MY GOD. >> HOW MUCH WAS HE USING? 448 00:26:02,495 --> 00:26:04,761 WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY TELL ME? >> Jimmy: HOW TALL IS THAT MAN 449 00:26:04,831 --> 00:26:07,498 NEXT TO YOU? 11 FEET TALL? 450 00:26:07,566 --> 00:26:10,835 >> I WAS SITTING DOWN. OH MY GOD. 451 00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:15,906 OH MY GOD, THAT WAS JOANNE WOODWARD. 452 00:26:15,975 --> 00:26:16,774 HYSTERICAL. OKAY. 453 00:26:16,843 --> 00:26:17,441 >> Jimmy: THAT WAS CALLED "BLIND SPOT." 454 00:26:17,510 --> 00:26:23,580 OKAY? ALL RIGHT? 455 00:26:23,650 --> 00:26:25,849 >> I REMEMBER. >> Jimmy: A YOUNG MOTHER FIGHTS 456 00:26:25,919 --> 00:26:29,853 TO LOSE CUSTODY OF HER SON WHEN HE IS BORN A GINGER. 457 00:26:29,923 --> 00:26:32,656 WERE YOU IN IT? >> NO WAY. 458 00:26:32,725 --> 00:26:35,526 NO. >> Jimmy: THAT ONE IS CALLED 459 00:26:35,528 --> 00:26:41,999 "CAUGHT RED-HEADED." NO, WE MADE THAT ONE UP. 460 00:26:42,068 --> 00:26:45,669 >> CAUGHT RED-HEADED. >> Jimmy: I'LL GIVE YOU ONE 461 00:26:45,738 --> 00:26:48,739 MORE. AN EARTHLING IS KIDNAPPED BY AN 462 00:26:48,807 --> 00:26:54,411 ALIEN MOM NAMED COOKIE, THEY GET MARRIED AND START A FAMILY. 463 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,280 WERE YOU IN IT? >> I SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN IT. 464 00:26:56,349 --> 00:26:58,616 >> Jimmy: YOU WERE NOT? >> I AUDITIONED FOR IT. 465 00:26:58,618 --> 00:27:01,018 I DON'T THINK I GOT IT. >> Jimmy: WELL -- YOU'RE 466 00:27:01,020 --> 00:27:02,686 INCORRECT. YOU ACTUALLY DID GET IT. 467 00:27:02,755 --> 00:27:08,092 IT'S CALLED "ALIENS IN THE FAMILY." 468 00:27:08,094 --> 00:27:12,897 >> WHAT? >> Jimmy: THAT JUST MEANS YOU'RE 469 00:27:12,965 --> 00:27:17,034 VERY SUCCESSFUL. AND FORGETFUL. 470 00:27:17,102 --> 00:27:22,506 >> I HAVE ALZHEIMER'S. THIS IS AN ALZHEIMER'S TEST, 471 00:27:22,575 --> 00:27:24,442 THAT'S WHAT IT IS. >> Jimmy: YEARS FROM NOW WE'LL 472 00:27:24,510 --> 00:27:27,311 SEE IF ALLISON JANNEY REMEMBERS SHE WAS IN "BREAKING NEWS IN 473 00:27:27,313 --> 00:27:29,246 YUBA COUNTY." IT'S IN THEATERS FEBRUARY 12th. 474 00:27:29,315 --> 00:27:31,649 THANKS, ALLISON. BE RIGHT BACK WITH DANA BASH. 475 00:27:37,724 --> 00:27:41,792 ♪ >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. 476 00:27:41,861 --> 00:27:43,393 MUSIC FROM BEST COAST IS ON THE WAY. 477 00:27:43,463 --> 00:27:46,597 IF YOU WATCH CNN, YOU KNOW TAPPER, AND COOPER, AND DANA, 478 00:27:46,666 --> 00:27:48,666 AND BLITZER. OUR NEXT GUEST IS ONE OF THEM. 479 00:27:48,668 --> 00:27:51,735 SHE JUST COVERED THE INAUGURATION OF THE NEW 480 00:27:51,804 --> 00:27:59,543 PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. STARTING THIS SUNDAY SHE IS 481 00:27:59,612 --> 00:28:00,945 BIMONTHLY ANCHOR OF "STATE OF THE UNION" WITH JAKE. 482 00:28:00,947 --> 00:28:06,150 HERE TO TELL US EVERYTHING SHE KNOWS, PLEASE WELCOME DANA BASH. 483 00:28:06,152 --> 00:28:09,020 HI, DANA, HOW ARE YOU? >> HI, JIMMY, THANKS FOR HAVING 484 00:28:09,088 --> 00:28:10,487 ME. >> Jimmy: THANKS FOR BEING -- 485 00:28:10,556 --> 00:28:13,224 IT'S CONFUSING BECAUSE I'M LOOKING AT YOU ON A MONITOR AND 486 00:28:13,226 --> 00:28:16,493 I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST WATCHING TELEVISION. 487 00:28:16,562 --> 00:28:19,030 >> IT'S WEIRD FOR ME TOO. >> Jimmy: IS THAT YOUR 488 00:28:19,098 --> 00:28:20,431 APARTMENT? >> NO, THIS IS CNN. 489 00:28:20,499 --> 00:28:21,365 I'M STILL HERE. >> Jimmy: YEAH. 490 00:28:21,433 --> 00:28:23,567 >> I DON'T THINK I'M EVER GOING TO LEAVE. 491 00:28:23,636 --> 00:28:27,238 >> Jimmy: HOW MANY HOURS DID YOU WORK YESTERDAY? 492 00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:29,240 >> LET'S SEE. THE ALARM WENT OFF AT 4:00. 493 00:28:29,242 --> 00:28:33,444 AND THEN WE WERE ON THE AIR FROM 7:00 A.M. UNTIL MIDNIGHT. 494 00:28:33,512 --> 00:28:35,046 A LITTLE BIT OF A BREAK IN BETWEEN, THOUGH. 495 00:28:35,114 --> 00:28:36,781 BUT IT WAS A LONG DAY. >> Jimmy: WOW. 496 00:28:36,849 --> 00:28:40,251 WHAT DO YOU DO IN THE BREAK? DO YOU GO TO SLEEP? 497 00:28:40,319 --> 00:28:42,987 >> SO I TRIED. WE HAD ABOUT A TWO-HOUR BREAK. 498 00:28:42,989 --> 00:28:47,458 AND I WAS SO TIRED BY THE TIME WE GOT TO THE BREAK. 499 00:28:47,526 --> 00:28:49,994 AND I GOT INTO BED. AND THE STREETS WERE REALLY 500 00:28:50,062 --> 00:28:53,263 EMPTY HERE IN D.C. AND SO I THOUGHT, OKAY, IT'S 501 00:28:53,332 --> 00:28:57,200 GOING TO BE QUIET. FOR SOME REASON, A BAND FOUND 502 00:28:57,270 --> 00:29:03,073 ITS WAY LIKE RIGHT UNDER MY HOTEL ROOM. 503 00:29:03,142 --> 00:29:04,608 >> Jim >> Jimmy: GREAT. 504 00:29:04,676 --> 00:29:05,742 >> IT WAS SO LOUD, AND I COULDN'T SLEEP. 505 00:29:05,812 --> 00:29:07,478 I WAS WIRED ANYWAY. >> Jimmy: WAS IT THREE DOORS 506 00:29:07,546 --> 00:29:10,547 DOWN, BY ANY CHANCE? >> I WISH. 507 00:29:10,616 --> 00:29:12,483 >> Jimmy: YOU GUYS HAD A BIG DAY YESTERDAY. 508 00:29:12,551 --> 00:29:16,487 A LOT OF PEOPLE WATCHED. IN FACT, WE LEARNED THAT MORE 509 00:29:16,555 --> 00:29:20,758 PEOPLE WATCHED THIS INAUGURATION THAN WATCHED DONALD TRUMP'S 510 00:29:20,826 --> 00:29:22,826 INAUGURATION, WHICH I'M SURE DOESN'T BOTHER HIM AT ALL. 511 00:29:22,895 --> 00:29:26,897 >> NO, NOT AT ALL. >> Jimmy: YOU SAID SOMETHING ON 512 00:29:26,965 --> 00:29:29,300 THE AIR. WHAT DID YOU SAY THAT I THINK 513 00:29:29,302 --> 00:29:34,238 SOME PEOPLE GOT UPSET ABOUT? YOU SAID, HE IS A SMALL MAN. 514 00:29:34,306 --> 00:29:35,105 RIGHT? DONALD TRUMP? 515 00:29:35,174 --> 00:29:37,774 >> YEAH. BUT YOU KNOW, IT WAS AT THIS 516 00:29:37,844 --> 00:29:41,512 MOMENT WHERE WE WERE WATCHING THE MONITOR, WE WERE WATCHING 517 00:29:41,580 --> 00:29:47,384 THE OVERHEAD SHOT OF HIM WALKING ACROSS THE LAWN TOWARDS THE 518 00:29:47,453 --> 00:29:49,186 HELICOPTER FOR THE VERY LAST TIME. 519 00:29:49,188 --> 00:29:53,858 AND I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT, AND I WAS THINKING, WOW, HE LOOKS SO 520 00:29:53,860 --> 00:29:57,661 SMALL, LITERALLY. THEN I REALIZED THAT THAT IS 521 00:29:57,730 --> 00:30:00,931 TRUE IN SO MANY WAYS, AND IT JUST CAME TUMBLING OUT OF MY 522 00:30:00,999 --> 00:30:02,266 MOUTH AS PART OF THE DISCUSSION BILLION FACT THAT HE WAS DOING 523 00:30:02,268 --> 00:30:05,202 THAT AND HE WASN'T GOING TO THE INAUGURATION OF HIS SUCCESSOR. 524 00:30:05,270 --> 00:30:09,940 >> Jimmy: I DON'T THINK I WOULD LAST TWO SHOWS, DOING SOMETHING 525 00:30:10,009 --> 00:30:13,810 LIVE LIKE THAT, WITHOUT SAYING SOMETHING THAT IN4 YATED 526 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:15,346 EVERYBODY. IT MUST BE HARD. 527 00:30:15,348 --> 00:30:18,616 EVEN THE LIGHT MOMENTS. YOU SEE BERNIE SANDERS SITTING 528 00:30:18,684 --> 00:30:23,287 THERE, LOOKS LIKE HIS MOM PUT HIS COAT ON HIM, HIS MITTENS, 529 00:30:23,355 --> 00:30:27,091 AND HE'S CARRYING A MANILA ENVELOPE FOR REASONS UNKNOWN. 530 00:30:27,159 --> 00:30:33,764 AND IT MUST BE -- DO YOU HAVE TO BITE YOUR TONGUE, EVER? 531 00:30:33,766 --> 00:30:37,768 >> YES. BUT SOMETIMES YOU NEED LEVITY, 532 00:30:37,770 --> 00:30:40,504 OR MAYBE ESPECIALLY IN THESE TIMES WHEN EVERYTHING IS SO 533 00:30:40,573 --> 00:30:41,839 INTENSE. IT'S NOT SO BAD, ESPECIALLY WHEN 534 00:30:41,907 --> 00:30:47,244 YOU'RE ON TV FOR A MILLION HOURS LIKE WE WERE ON INAUGURATION DAY 535 00:30:47,312 --> 00:30:48,445 YESTERDAY, TO DO SOMETHING FUNNY. 536 00:30:48,514 --> 00:30:51,182 BY THE WAY, YOU MENTIONED BERNIE SANDERS AND HIS ENVELOPE. 537 00:30:51,250 --> 00:30:55,385 I DID SOME REPORTING. I FOUND OUT WHAT WAS IN THAT 538 00:30:55,454 --> 00:30:58,122 ENVELOPE, IF YOU WANT TO KNOW. >> Jimmy: OH, WHAT WAS IN IT? 539 00:30:58,190 --> 00:31:00,924 >> IT'S ACTUALLY NOT THAT EXCITING. 540 00:31:00,993 --> 00:31:02,526 >> Jimmy: OH. >> TICKETS. 541 00:31:02,595 --> 00:31:06,463 HIS INAUGURATION TICKETS. IT WAS THAT HUGE ENVELOPE, BUT 542 00:31:06,532 --> 00:31:08,666 IT WAS HIS LITTLE TICKETS, BUT HE HELD ON TO THE ENVELOPE WITH 543 00:31:08,734 --> 00:31:10,935 HIS MITTENS. >> Jimmy: ISN'T THAT BEAUTIFUL. 544 00:31:11,003 --> 00:31:13,337 I MEAN, REALLY. YEAH, I GUESS IT MAKES SENSE. 545 00:31:13,405 --> 00:31:15,672 JUST PRACTICALLY. THAT IT WOULD BE HARD TO GET AT 546 00:31:15,741 --> 00:31:18,742 YOUR TICKETS WHEN YOU HAVE MITTENS AND A BIG COAT ON. 547 00:31:18,810 --> 00:31:22,679 BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, WHY IS BERNIE THE ONLY ONE WITH AN 548 00:31:22,748 --> 00:31:24,548 ENVELOPE? AND YOU KNOW HE REUSED THAT 549 00:31:24,617 --> 00:31:26,617 ENVELOPE, TOO. HE DIDN'T THROW THAT ENVELOPE 550 00:31:26,685 --> 00:31:28,752 OUT. THAT ENVELOPE IS BACK AT HIS 551 00:31:28,820 --> 00:31:31,355 HOUSE RIGHT NOW. IT'S LIKE, HE'S PUTTING BILLS IN 552 00:31:31,423 --> 00:31:35,092 THERE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. YOU HAD BERNIE ON AS YOUR FIRST 553 00:31:35,161 --> 00:31:39,897 GUEST AS OFFICIAL ANCHOR OF YOUR SUNDAY MORNING SHOW ON SUNDAY, 554 00:31:39,965 --> 00:31:41,031 CORRECT? >> YES. 555 00:31:41,099 --> 00:31:47,371 HE IS GOING TO BE ON. HE'S OBVIOUSLY -- THAT MOMENT -- 556 00:31:47,439 --> 00:31:50,240 MAYBE NOT JUST THE WALKING DOWN IN THE MITTENS BUT HIM SITTING 557 00:31:50,309 --> 00:31:53,043 THERE, WE'VE ALL SEEN THE MEMES, INTERNET SENSATION. 558 00:31:53,111 --> 00:31:56,046 HE'S ALSO GOING TO BE THE CHAIRMAN OF THE SENATE BUDGET 559 00:31:56,115 --> 00:31:58,182 COMMITTEE. AND HE'S GOING TO HAVE A REALLY 560 00:31:58,250 --> 00:32:00,451 IMPORTANT ROLE IN THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION. 561 00:32:00,519 --> 00:32:03,921 BECAUSE SO MUCH OF WHAT PRESIDENT BIDEN WANTS TO DO IS 562 00:32:03,989 --> 00:32:05,189 GOING TO GO THROUGH THAT COMMITTEE. 563 00:32:05,257 --> 00:32:07,858 WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT, AND WE'RE GOING TO 564 00:32:07,860 --> 00:32:10,794 HAVE OTHER GUESTS AS WELL. >> Jimmy: IS THE INAUGURATION 565 00:32:10,796 --> 00:32:14,864 FUN IN WASHINGTON? IS THAT USUALLY A BIG, FUN EVENT 566 00:32:14,934 --> 00:32:17,868 THAT THIS YEAR FELT -- LIKE YOU FELT IT WAS DISAPPOINTING IN 567 00:32:17,870 --> 00:32:18,936 SOME WAY? >> YEAH. 568 00:32:19,004 --> 00:32:23,073 IT REALLY IS. I MEAN, I'VE COVERED A LOT OF 569 00:32:23,075 --> 00:32:25,475 INAUGURATIONS. AND, YOU KNOW, AS A REPORTER, 570 00:32:25,544 --> 00:32:28,279 YOU GO TO THE EVENT, YOU GO TO THE CAPITOL. 571 00:32:28,281 --> 00:32:30,614 I DIDN'T DO THAT THIS YEAR. THERE WAS LIMITED SPACE. 572 00:32:30,683 --> 00:32:34,017 NOT JUST BECAUSE OF SECURITY, BUT OF COURSE BECAUSE OF COVID. 573 00:32:34,086 --> 00:32:37,221 >> Jimmy: RIGHT. >> AND THEN YOU GO TO THE 574 00:32:37,223 --> 00:32:37,687 PARADE. THERE REALLY WAS NOT MUCH OF 575 00:32:37,757 --> 00:32:38,822 ONE. A LITTLE ONE. 576 00:32:38,824 --> 00:32:42,426 MOST OF IT WAS VIRTUAL. THEN YOU GO AND YOU COVER THE 577 00:32:42,428 --> 00:32:43,493 BALLS. THERE WERE NO BALLS. 578 00:32:43,562 --> 00:32:46,297 WE GOT TO SEE SOME AWESOME FIREWORKS. 579 00:32:46,299 --> 00:32:49,966 WE WERE IN A GREAT POSITION TO SEE THOSE FIREWORKS LAST NIGHT. 580 00:32:50,036 --> 00:32:51,167 I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT. 581 00:32:51,237 --> 00:32:53,436 >> Jimmy: THAT WAS AMAZING. I WAS WATCHING WITH MY WIFE AND 582 00:32:53,506 --> 00:32:57,107 I FELT LIKE -- I WAS LIKE, THESE ARE SPECTACULAR FIREWORKS. 583 00:32:57,109 --> 00:32:59,843 IT'S AS IF THEY SAID, WE'RE NOT SPENDING ANY MONEY ON ANYTHING 584 00:32:59,912 --> 00:33:03,113 ELSE, LET'S JUST BLOW IT ALL UP IN THE SKY. 585 00:33:03,115 --> 00:33:07,251 YEAH, THAT WAS PRETTY GREAT. >> WE WERE RIGHT BEHIND THE 586 00:33:07,253 --> 00:33:09,719 WHITE HOUSE. SO WE WERE FACING THE FIREWORKS, 587 00:33:09,789 --> 00:33:13,324 AND IT WAS ALMOST AS IF THEY WERE DOING IT FOR US. 588 00:33:13,392 --> 00:33:16,327 IT WAS -- IT WAS SUCH A SHOW. I'VE SEEN A LOT OF FIREWORKS 589 00:33:16,329 --> 00:33:17,394 HERE IN WASHINGTON, NOTHING LIKE THAT. 590 00:33:17,462 --> 00:33:22,132 BUT ABOUT THE INAUGURATION, IT WAS VERY DIFFERENT. 591 00:33:22,201 --> 00:33:27,738 BUT BECAUSE OF THE TENSION OVER THE LAST TWO WEEKS, THE TWO 592 00:33:27,806 --> 00:33:29,940 WEDNESDAYS BEFORE, OF COURSE, THE INSURRECTION. 593 00:33:29,942 --> 00:33:31,875 THE WEDNESDAY AFTER THAT, THE IMPEACHMENT. 594 00:33:31,944 --> 00:33:38,082 EVEN THOUGH IT WASN'T AS EBULLIENT AND PEOPLE HOLDING 595 00:33:38,084 --> 00:33:40,751 FLAGS IN THE STREETS, THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT STILL WAS REALLY 596 00:33:40,753 --> 00:33:43,420 NICE ABOUT THE FACT THAT THEY STILL GOT IT TOGETHER AND THEY 597 00:33:43,488 --> 00:33:47,224 WERE STILL ABLE THROUGH ALL THESE OBSTACLES TO DO THE 598 00:33:47,293 --> 00:33:48,558 CEREMONY THAT WE'RE SO USED TO SEEING. 599 00:33:48,627 --> 00:33:54,164 >> Jimmy: YEAH, AND IT WAS -- IT WAS ACTUALLY VERY ENTERTAINING 600 00:33:54,233 --> 00:33:56,700 AND VERY WELL DONE. THE WHOLE THING WAS SO WELL PUT 601 00:33:56,769 --> 00:34:00,237 TOGETHER, OFTEN NOT THE CASE. WHAT'S THE FIRST INAUGURATION 602 00:34:00,305 --> 00:34:02,506 YOU WERE AT? >> WELL, THE FIRST INAUGURATION 603 00:34:02,574 --> 00:34:08,712 THAT I WENT TO WAS UNOFFICIAL. BY UNOFFICIAL, I BROKE IN, 604 00:34:08,781 --> 00:34:11,381 MAYBE. WAS IN -- I WAS IN COLLEGE HERE 605 00:34:11,450 --> 00:34:13,650 IN WASHINGTON. AND I HAD BEEN INTERNING FOR A 606 00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:17,387 LOCAL STATION. SO -- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW. 607 00:34:17,456 --> 00:34:21,859 IN NORMAL TIMES WHEN YOU GO TO WORK, YOU HAVE AN I.D., RIGHT? 608 00:34:21,861 --> 00:34:24,661 THIS WAS NOT AN I.D., IT WAS A LANYARD THAT SAID THE NAME OF 609 00:34:24,730 --> 00:34:25,929 THE STATION. I HAD TWO OF THEM, SO I GAVE IT 610 00:34:25,998 --> 00:34:31,201 TO MY BEST FRIEND, KAREN MALKIN, WE SAID LET'S TRY TO GET IN. 611 00:34:31,203 --> 00:34:33,203 THINKING, NOT IN A MILLION YEARS ARE WE GOING TO GET IN. 612 00:34:33,205 --> 00:34:38,208 BUT IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO, PRE 613 00:34:38,277 --> 00:34:40,411 PRE-9/11, BILL CLINTON'S FIRST INAUGURATION. 614 00:34:40,413 --> 00:34:44,548 WE TOOK THE METRO, WALKED UP THE HILL, INDEPENDENCE AVENUE. 615 00:34:44,550 --> 00:34:48,018 WE KEPT SAYING, WALK WITH A PURPOSE, PRETEND LIKE YOU KNOW 616 00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:49,219 WHAT YOU'RE DOING. AND IT WORKED. 617 00:34:49,287 --> 00:34:53,623 THEY MADE SURE THAT WE WERE OKAY, THAT WE DIDN'T HAVE 618 00:34:53,692 --> 00:34:56,760 ANYTHING DANGEROUS ON US. BUT WE GOT RIGHT IN. 619 00:34:56,829 --> 00:35:00,764 WE SAW THE NAMES OF PEOPLE'S SEATS. 620 00:35:00,833 --> 00:35:01,965 WE COULDN'T BELIEVE WHERE WE WERE. 621 00:35:02,034 --> 00:35:05,436 WE SNUCK INTO THE PLACE WHERE THE CAMERAS WERE GOING TO BE. 622 00:35:05,504 --> 00:35:10,507 WE SAW BEHIND US, IT WAS 1993, IT WAS MICHAEL KEATON, COURTENEY 623 00:35:10,576 --> 00:35:12,242 COX. WE LOOKED AT EACH OTHER, I CAN'T 624 00:35:12,311 --> 00:35:15,112 BELIEVE WE'RE SITTING IN FRONT OF MICHAEL KEATON AND COURTENEY 625 00:35:15,114 --> 00:35:16,580 COX. WE MADE IT THE WHOLE TIME. 626 00:35:16,648 --> 00:35:21,451 >> Jimmy: YOU HAD BETTER SEATS THAN BATMAN AND FRIENDS, THAT'S 627 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,186 PRETTY GOOD. CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BIG 628 00:35:23,255 --> 00:35:25,055 PROMOTION. YOUR FIRST SHOW, SUNDAY, 9:00 629 00:35:25,124 --> 00:35:30,594 A.M., NOON EASTERN, "STATE OF THE UNION" ON CNN, DANA BASH. 630 00:35:30,596 --> 00:35:31,461 THANKS, APPRECIATE IT. >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME. 631 00:35:31,530 --> 00:35:32,996 >> Jimmy: BE RIGHT BACK WITH BEST COAST. 632 00:35:32,998 --> 00:35:35,532 >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS 633 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:36,667 PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING. 634 00:35:44,142 --> 00:35:47,343 >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS 635 00:35:47,413 --> 00:35:51,148 PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING. 636 00:35:51,150 --> 00:35:52,215 >> Jimmy: HELLO AGAIN. IT'S YOUR OLD PAL JIM, HERE WITH 637 00:35:52,284 --> 00:35:53,616 SOME GREAT MUSIC TO SHARE. THEIR ALBUM IS CALLED "ALWAYS 638 00:35:53,686 --> 00:35:54,084 TOMORROW." WITH THE SONG "MASTER OF MY OWN 639 00:35:54,152 --> 00:36:00,257 MIND." BEST COAST! 640 00:36:02,228 --> 00:36:14,104 ♪ ♪ 641 00:36:14,172 --> 00:36:21,044 ♪ BREATHE IT IN BREATHE IT OUT ♪ I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT I'M 642 00:36:21,046 --> 00:36:27,918 TALKING ABOUT ♪ ♪ OH THIS AIN'T THE FIRST TIME 643 00:36:27,986 --> 00:36:34,992 ♪ SO SCARED OF THE FUTURE IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET ♪ 644 00:36:35,060 --> 00:36:44,468 ♪ SO WHY'S IT GOT ME DOWN, DOWN ON THE GROUND ♪ 645 00:36:44,536 --> 00:36:50,874 ♪ FOR ME IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING EVEN WHEN I SAY IT'S NOTHING ♪ 646 00:36:50,943 --> 00:36:55,545 ♪ I GOTTA FOCUS GOTTA REWIND FOETS 647 00:36:55,614 --> 00:36:59,616 ♪ I GOTTA STAY THE MASTER OF MY OWN MIND ♪ 648 00:36:59,684 --> 00:37:07,824 ♪ ♪ TELL ME SOMETHING YOU EVER 649 00:37:07,893 --> 00:37:09,827 FELT THIS WAY ♪ ♪ THE BURDENS OF THIS LIFE 650 00:37:09,895 --> 00:37:18,302 THEY'VE REALLY GOT A WAY ♪ ♪ OF DRAGGING YOU REAL FAR DOWN 651 00:37:18,304 --> 00:37:21,305 TO THE GROUND ♪ ♪ WE'VE ALL MADE CHOICES THAT 652 00:37:21,373 --> 00:37:26,710 WE'RE NOT HAPPY WITH ♪ ♪ I GUESS THE GOOD THING IS THAT 653 00:37:26,712 --> 00:37:31,848 WE ALWAYS GET ♪ ♪ A SECOND CHANCE TO MAKE THINGS 654 00:37:31,917 --> 00:37:39,256 RIGHT ♪ ♪ FOR ME IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING 655 00:37:39,324 --> 00:37:46,863 EVEN WHEN I SAY IT'S NOTHING ♪ ♪ I GOTTA FOCUS GOTTA REWIND 656 00:37:46,932 --> 00:37:50,867 ♪ I GOTTA STAY THE MASTER OF MY OWN MIND ♪ 657 00:37:50,936 --> 00:37:52,803 ♪ FOR ME THERE'S ALWAYS TOMORROW ♪ 658 00:37:52,871 --> 00:37:56,740 ♪ EVEN WHEN I'M DROWNING IN MY SORROWS ♪ 659 00:37:56,808 --> 00:38:02,212 ♪ I GOTTA FOCUS GOTTA REWIND ♪ I GOTTA STAY THE MASTER OF MY 660 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:16,093 OWN MIND ♪ ♪ 661 00:38:16,095 --> 00:38:20,830 ♪ USUALLY I WOULD JUST STAY HERE AND KEEP BEING ME ♪ 662 00:38:20,899 --> 00:38:29,573 ♪ BUT FINALLY I SEE THE LIGHT FINALLY I'M THE MASTER OF MY OWN 663 00:38:29,641 --> 00:38:39,182 MIND ♪ ♪ FINALLY I SEE THE LIGHT 664 00:38:39,250 --> 00:38:45,455 ♪ FOR ME IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING EVEN WHEN I SAY IT'S NOTHING ♪ 665 00:38:45,523 --> 00:38:49,593 ♪ I GOTTA FOCUS GOTTA REWIND MOST 666 00:38:49,595 --> 00:38:56,266 ♪ I GOTTA I GOTTA REWIND ♪ I GOTTA STAY THE MASTER OF MY 667 00:38:56,334 --> 00:39:03,607 OWN MIND ♪ ♪ 668 00:39:14,019 --> 00:39:21,891 ♪ >> Jimmy: ONE MORE ITEM, IT'S 669 00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:25,695 THURSDAY NIGHT, THAT MEANS IT'S TIME TO BLEEP AND BLUR THE BIG 670 00:39:25,764 --> 00:39:28,632 TV MOMENTS OF THE WEEK WHETHER THEY NEED IT OR NOT. 671 00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:32,836 IT'S "THIS WEEK IN UNNECESSARY CENSORSHIP." 672 00:39:32,838 --> 00:39:36,239 >> LET'S START AFRESH. ALL OF US. 673 00:39:36,308 --> 00:39:39,242 LET'S BEGIN TO LISTEN TO ONE ANOTHER AGAIN. 674 00:39:39,310 --> 00:39:42,112 HEAR ONE ANOTHER. [ BLEEP ] ONE ANOTHER. 675 00:39:42,180 --> 00:39:45,115 >> IT WAS AUTHENTICALLY JOE BIDEN, IT WAS, YOU KNOW, COMMON 676 00:39:45,117 --> 00:39:47,985 MAN TOUCH. WE EVEN GOT THE WORD [ BLEEP ] 677 00:39:48,053 --> 00:39:50,520 IN THERE. >> THE LINE THIS STOOD OUT TO ME 678 00:39:50,589 --> 00:39:53,256 IS MY [ BLEEP ] IS IN THIS. >> THE TRANSFER OF POWER FROM 679 00:39:53,324 --> 00:39:56,526 ONE PRESIDENT TO ANOTHER TYPICALLY INVOLVES A [ BLEEP ] 680 00:39:56,595 --> 00:39:59,129 AT THE WHITE HOUSE. >> I GREW UP REALIZING THIS WAS 681 00:39:59,131 --> 00:40:03,400 A GREAT COUNTRY, THINKING THAT, ENDED UP GOING FOR [ BLEEP ] 682 00:40:03,468 --> 00:40:05,068 CHICKENS TO BEING A GOVERNOR OF A STATE. 683 00:40:05,137 --> 00:40:08,605 >> WERE YOU A WEIRD KID? >> WHAT? 684 00:40:08,607 --> 00:40:10,807 EVERYONE'S [ BLEEP ] A LITTLE. >> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 685 00:40:10,876 --> 00:40:14,878 I DON'T KNOW THAT ANYONE'S EVER [ BLEEP ]ED A TURTLE. 686 00:40:14,946 --> 00:40:17,214 >> THIS IS NOT THE [ BLEEP ] SIZE, THIS IS THE [ BLEEP ] 687 00:40:17,282 --> 00:40:19,683 SIZE, WE'RE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. >> EVEN GIVEN THE EXTRAORDINARY 688 00:40:19,685 --> 00:40:22,819 CIRCUMSTANCE OF HIM BLOWING OFF THE INAUGURATION AND HAVING HIS 689 00:40:22,888 --> 00:40:23,887 OWN FAREWELL SPEECH THIS MORNING. 690 00:40:23,955 --> 00:40:28,025 CNN SAYING HE HAD A PATHETIC, TINY LITTLE [ BLEEP ]. 691 00:40:28,093 --> 00:40:29,426 I THINK WE'RE SEEING A JOURNALISTIC CELEBRATION. 692 00:40:29,494 --> 00:40:31,761 >> WE'RE NOT EXPECTING TO SEE THE PRESIDENT [ BLEEP ] HIMSELF, 693 00:40:31,830 --> 00:40:35,965 WE'RE NOT EXPECTING THE PRESIDENT TO [ BLEEP ] HIS ADULT 694 00:40:36,034 --> 00:40:37,968 CHILDREN. >> SO HAVE A GOOD LIFE. 695 00:40:37,970 --> 00:40:40,570 WE WILL SEE YOU SOON. [ BLEEP ] YOU. 696 00:40:40,639 --> 00:40:45,976 [ BLEEP ] YOU VERY MUCH. [ BLEEP ] YOU VERY MUCH. 697 00:40:45,978 --> 00:40:47,444 [ BLEEP ] YOU. >> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK 698 00:40:47,512 --> 00:40:48,444 ALLISON JANNEY, DANA BASH, BEST COAST, AND 699 00:40:48,514 --> 00:40:49,512 RUFUS WAINWRIGHT, APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. 700 00:40:49,581 --> 00:40:54,518 "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT. NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE 701 00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:55,919 TO GET BACK TO PLAYING "ROADBLOCKS." 702 00:40:55,987 --> 00:41:00,557 THANKS FOR WATCHING, GOOD NIGHT.