♪ BA DA BA BA DA BA BA DA BA
♪ JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE
>> BACK AT HOME!
>> Jimmy: HI, THERE. I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST OF THE
SHOW. THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME, AT THE
END OF THE FINAL FULL DAY, OF THE PRESIDENCY, OF
DONALD JENNIFER TRUMP. IT'S THE END OF AN ERROR.
RIGHT NOW TRUMP IS PACKING UP HIS GOLF CLUBS, BARRON, AND ALL
THE FAKE MELANIAS TOO. I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO FEEL RIGHT
NOW. IT FEELS LIKE THE NIGHT BEFORE
YOUR WEDDING AND YOUR DIVORCE. ALL ROLLED UP INTO ONE.
IN JUST 13 HOURS, DONALD TRUMP WILL BE SHOVELING LOADED POTATO
SKINS INTO HIS MOUTH BY THE POOL AT MAR‐A‐LAGO AND MIKE PENCE
WILL BE OFF BATTLING GAYS IN SPACE.
TRUMP SPENT HIS LAST DAY ON THE JOB, AND HE SPENT IT JUST LIKE
EVERY OTHER, WATCHING PEOPLE TALK ABOUT HIM ON TV AND
SCREENING ERIC'S CALLS. TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHICH
FILING CABINET MELANIA'S HIDING IN.
AND HE GAVE A FAREWELL SPEECH. YOUTUBE ALLOWED HIM TO RELEASE A
POORLY CONSTRUCTED, BOASTFUL, HEAVILY‐EDITED SPEECH, IN WHICH
HE WISHED THE INCOMING ADMINISTRATION LUCK, BUT NEVER
MENTIONED JOE BIDEN BY NAME. HE THINKS IF HE DOESN'T SAY HIS
NAME, HE WON'T APPEAR. LIKE HE'S BEETLEJOE OR SOMETHING.
OTHER THAN THAT, THIS WAS AGAIN, TRUMP'S OFFICIAL SCHEDULE FOR
THE DAY. "PRESIDENT TRUMP WILL WORK FROM
EARLY IN THE MORNING UNTIL LATE IN THE EVENING.
HE WILL MAKE MANY CALLS AND HAVE MANY MEETINGS."
I'M GOING TO MISS THAT. I LOVE THIS FAIRY TALE THAT HE
WORKS HARD. EVEN THOUGH HE HAS DONE
LITERALLY NOTHING OTHER THAN TRYING TO OVERTURN THE ELECTION
OVER THE LAST TWO MONTHS. I MEAN, LIKE NOTHING.
OVER AT FOX NEWS, THEY'RE STILL PUMPING THAT SWEET, SWEET SMOKE
UP THE MAN'S ASS.
>> YOU KNOW, THEY'LL CRITICIZE PRESIDENT TRUMP, BUT NO ONE CAN
ARGUE HE IS A WORKER. HE DOESN'T DRINK ALCOHOL, HE
STAYS UP LATE AT NIGHT, HE WATCHES EVERY SHOW.
>> Jimmy: HE'S WATCHING EVERY SHOW, IS WATCHING EVERY SHOW
WORK? IF SO, NETFLIX OWES ME A LOT OF
MONEY. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE STAYS UP LATE,
DOESN'T DRINK ALCOHOL, AND WATCHES EVERY SHOW?
MY 6‐YEAR‐OLD. DONALD TRUMP DOES NOT WORK HARD.
IN HIS SPEECH, HE SAID "WE DID WHAT WE CAME HERE TO DO, AND SO
MUCH MORE." BUT DID WE? LET'S CHECK THAT OUT.
AS WE WRAP UP THE FINAL HOURS OF THIS INTERMINABLE PRESIDENCY,
LET'S GO THROUGH THE CAMPAIGN PROMISES HE MADE FOUR VERY LONG
YEARS AGO. WHEN HE WAS RUNNING FOR
PRESIDENT, TRUMP PROMISED TO REPEAL OBAMACARE AND REPLACE IT
WITH SOMETHING MUCH BETTER. NO REPEAL.
HE FAILED ON THAT, THANK GOD, AND HE NEVER EVEN PRESENTED A
PLAN TO REPLACE IT. "F" IS HIS GRADE.
TRUMP PROMISED TO BUILD A WALL, AN IMPENETRABLE WALL, AND HAVE
MEXICO PAY FOR IT! OUR BORDER WITH MEXICO SPANS
ALMOST 2,000 MILES, HE BUILT 40 MILES OF EASILY CLIMBABLE
WALL. AND WE PAID FOR IT. "F." HE SAID HE WOULD "INVEST
$550 BILLION IN INFRASTRUCTURE AND CREATE AN INFRASTRUCTURE
FUND." NOPE AND NOPE. "F." HE RELENTLESSLY CRITICIZED OBAMA
FOR PLAYING GOLF AND SAID "I WON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY GOLF.
I'LL BE IN THE WHITE HOUSE WORKING MY ASS OFF."
WHILE IN OFFICE, DONALD TRUMP SPENT 298 DAYS AT A GOLF COURSE,
AT A COST OF $144 MILLION.
SO "F‐U." TRUMP PROMISED HE'D "BRING BACK
MANUFACTURING." NOT MUCH ACTION THERE, THOUGH HE
DID SELL A LOT OF HATS AND MYPILLOWS.
SO I GIVE HIM A D‐PLUS. TRUMP SAID, I WILL "MAKE NO CUTS
TO SOCIAL SECURITY." HE TRIED TO MAKE CUTS, BUT THE
SENATE DIDN'T PASS THEM. BUT IN FAIRNESS TO HIM, HE DID
TRY TO TAKE MONEY FROM OLD PEOPLE, SO LET'S GIVE HIM A "C."
TRUMP SAID MANY TIMES HE'D APPOINT A SPECIAL PROSECUTOR TO
HESS GATE HILLARY CLINTON, "F." HE PROMISED TO "CLOSE THE PARTS
OF THE INTERNET WHERE ISIS IS." I'LL GIVE HIM SOME CREDIT FOR
THAT. HE DID GET KICKED OFF TWITTER
AND FACEBOOK, AND HE GOT PARLER SHUT DOWN.
LET'S GIVE HIM A B‐PLUS JUST TO BE NICE.
AND WHILE THIS WASN'T A CAMPAIGN PROMISE, HE SAID ABOUT COVID,
"WE HAVE IT TOTALLY UNDER CONTROL, IT'S GOING TO
DISAPPEAR ONE DAY, IT'S LIKE A MIRACLE, IT WILL DISAPPEAR."
THAT WAS LAST FEBRUARY. SINCE THEN, 400,000 AMERICANS
HAVE DISAPPEARED. "F." NOW, HE DID KEEP HIS PROMISES TO
DEFUND PLANNED PARENTHOOD AND REMOVE THE U. S. FROM THE PARIS
CLIMATE ACCORD. SO GIVE HIM AN A‐HOLE FOR THAT.
OH AND THE SPACE FORCE! DON'T FORGET.
HE CREATED THE SPACE FORCE. AND HOPEFULLY, TOMORROW, AT NOON
TOMORROW, HE WILL BOARD A SPACE FORCE CRAFT, AND ROCKET TO MARS,
NEVER TO BE SEEN OR HEARD FROM AGAIN.
SO TRUMP LEAVES OFFICE WITH A GRADE POINT AVERAGE OF F‐PLUS
AND A STRING OF LIES THAT WILL NEVER BE BROKEN.
AND ALSO A BUNCH OF QUESTIONABLE PARDONS.
TRUMP IS EXPECTED TO ISSUE ABOUT 100 PARDONS TONIGHT.
AND HE WAS REPORTEDLY CALLING PEOPLE TO GIVE THEM THE NEWS,
THE PEOPLE HE PARDONED. HE LOVES THIS SO MUCH.
HE HAS A "PARDON HARDON" RIGHT NOW.
ONE NOTABLE NAME WHO HAS BEEN ANGLING FOR A PARDON, IS
JOE EXOTIC, AKA THE TIGER KING. WHY HE THINKS TRUMP WOULD PARDON
HIM, I HAVE NO IDEA. BUT TEAM TIGER SPARED NO
EXPENSE, PREPARING FOR HIS POSSIBLE RELEASE.
>> WE'VE DELIVERED EVERYTHING THAT I WANTED TO DO ON THIS
PROJECT. I AM ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT THAT
WE ARE GOING TO RECEIVE THE PARDON TOMORROW.
WE'VE GOT HAIR, MAKEUP, WARDROBE.
TRUST ME, ANYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF, WE HAVE IT, INCLUDING A
DOCTOR, AND ALSO A MENTAL HEALTH EXPERT.
>> Jimmy: NOW THEY GET HIM A MENTAL HEALTH EXPERT.
WHEN HE WAS IN THE CAGE WITH THE TIGER OR SINGING ABOUT CAROLE
BASKIN KILLING HER HUSBAND, THERE WAS NO MENTAL HEALTH CARE
TO BE FOUND. BUT I HAVE TO HAND IT TO THEM,
THEY REALLY PUT TOGETHER AN EXIT FIT FOR A KING.
>> THEY ALSO HAVE A LIMO READY TO PICK HIM UP FROM THE PRISON
IN FT. WORTH, TEXAS, AND TAKE HIM TO A SECURE LOCATION.
>> JOE'S BIGGEST THING IS HE CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT, AS YOU
CAN IMAGINE. AND HE DOESN'T WANT ANYONE TO
SEE HIM UNTIL HIS HAIR'S DONE.
>> Jimmy: IS IT SAD THAT THE ONLY THING I WANT IN LIFE NOW IS
TO SEE JOE EXOTIC WITHOUT HIS HAIR DONE?
THE THINKING CURRENTLY IS TRUMP WILL NOT PARDON HIMSELF OR HIS
CHILDREN. HIS LAWYERS BEGGED HIM NOT TO
TRY TO PARDON HIMSELF, BECAUSE THEY FELT IT WOULD GET HIM INTO
DEEPER LEGAL TROUBLE. SO THEY GAVE HIM ONE OF THOSE
"GET OUT OF JAIL FREE" CARDS FROM MONOPOLY, AND TOLD HIM IT
WAS REAL. WORKED LIKE A CHARM. LOOKING BACK, I WONDER IF THIS
WAS ALL WORTH IT TO HIM? SIX YEARS AGO, WE WERE ALL
PERFECTLY FINE TO LET HIM KEEP BUMBLING AROUND NEW YORK,
PRETENDING TO BE A BILLIONAIRE. HE COULD HAVE BEEN HOSTING GOLF
TOURNAMENTS, MAKING TGI FRIDAYS COMMERCIALS, PLAYING THIS ROLE
HE CREATED OF THE WEALTHY TYCOON. COULD HAVE BOUGHT A COUPLE OF
NEW HELICOPTERS, A COUPLE NEW WIVES, AND WE WOULD HAVE ALL
ROLLED OUR EYES AND BEEN LIKE, OH, THAT'S DONALD TRUMP.
HE PROBABLY WOULD'VE LANDED A SWEET GIG AS THE CRANKY TV
JUDGE, ON SOME HOODED CELEBRITY PIE EATING COMPETITION.
THAT'S WHERE DONALD TRUMP BELONGED.
BUT NOW, MOST OF THE COUNTRY DESPISES HIM, MOST OF THE WORLD
DESPISES HIM. WE FOUND OUT HE PAYS NO TAXES,
HE HAS NO MONEY, HE IS LIKELY TO FACE CRIMINAL CHARGES IN
NEW YORK. NOBODY WILL DO BUSINESS WITH HIM.
CAN'T HOST A GOLF TOURNAMENT, CAN'T EVEN OPERATE A CAROUSEL IN
HIS HOMETOWN ANYMORE. HIS WIFE HATES HIM, HIS KIDS ARE
SCREWED, HE'S GOT TO HOLE UP IN THAT CHEESECAKE FACTORY WITH A
GOLF COURSE IN FLORIDA HE LIVES IN FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.
HE WON'T BE ABLE TO INVITE CENTERFOLDS UP TO HIS OFFICE,
AND HE'LL BE GENERALLY THOUGHT OF AS THE WORST PRESIDENT IN THE
HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. SO WAS IT WORTH IT?
FOR HIM, IT PROBABLY WAS. BUT NOW IT'S OVER.
COULD YOU IMAGINE IF OBAMA DIDN'T GO TO TRUMP'S
INAUGURATION? WE WOULD NEVER HAVE HEARD THE
END OF IT. INSTEAD OF BEING GRACIOUS, TRUMP
IS THROWING HIMSELF A SEND‐OFF PARTY AT JOINT BASE ANDREWS.
DURING A PANDEMIC. OF COURSE. AND HE'S SO DESPERATE FOR THIS
PARTY TO BE BIG, THEY'RE LETTING PEOPLE BRING UP TO FIVE GUESTS.
I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF A "PLUS FIVE."
IT'S LIKE THEY'RE PLANNING A BAR MITZVAH FOR THE LEAST POPULAR
BOY IN HEBREW SCHOOL. THIS TELLS YOU ALL YOU NEED TO
KNOW ABOUT THE TROUBLE THEY'RE HAVING WITH THE GUEST LIST.
THEY'RE INVITING PEOPLE THAT TRUMP FIRED. LIKE JOHN KELLY.
ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI GOT AN INVITE, HE SAID NO.
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WON'T BE THERE? MIKE PENCE.
THE VICE POODLE IS PLANNING TO ATTEND BIDEN'S INAUGURATION, AND
ACCORDING TO HIS TEAM, IT WOULD BE TOO COMPLICATED LOGISTICALLY
FOR HIM TO GO TO BOTH EVENTS. SO HE'S GOING TO THE
INAUGURATION. INSTEAD OF TRUMP'S GOING‐AWAY
PARTY. PENCE POSTED SEVERAL PHOTOS OF
HIS TIME IN OFFICE TODAY, NONE OF THEM WITH TRUMP.
YOU THINK THEY'LL EVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN? I DOUBT IT.
HOW DOES PENCE EVEN LEAVE IT WITH TRUMP?
DOES HE WRITE HIM A LETTER? DO THEY WAVE IN THE HALLWAY?
MAYBE HE TEXTS HIM A POOP EMOJI? I DON'T KNOW.
EITHER WAY, THIS IS NOT HOW TRUMP WANTED TO GO OUT.
HE WAS PLANNING A PROCESSION AND A FLYOVER.
INSTEAD, HE GOT AN INSURRECTION AND A COMBOVER.
MEANWHILE, THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION TODAY ANNOUNCED
HIS ADMINISTRATION'S ETHICS PLAN. THE PLAN IS TO HAVE ETHICS.
SO THAT'S A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
I'M INTERESTED TO SEE HOW THE REST OF THE WORLD HANDLES THIS.
IT'S LIKE WHEN YOUR FRIEND BREAKS UP WITH A BOYFRIEND YOU
YOU DIDN'T LIKE. YOU WANT TO SAY, GOOD, I'M GLAD
YOU BROKE UP WITH THAT PSYCHO. BUT YOU DON'T, BECAUSE YOU'RE
AFRAID THEY MIGHT GET BACK TOGETHER.
IN HAPPIER NEWS, TIFFANY TRUMP ANNOUNCED HER ENGAGEMENT ON, OF
ALL DAYS, TODAY. SHE POSTED THE NEWS ON SOCIAL
MEDIA. BECAUSE UNLIKE MOST OF HER FAMILY, SHE STILL CAN.
AND APPARENTLY THE ENGAGEMENT HAPPENED AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
ONE THING ABOUT THIS FAMILY, THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO READ THE
ROOM. I LOVE TO IMAGINE THIS GUY, HER
FIANCÉ, GOING INTO TRUMP'S OFFICE TO ASK FOR HIS DAUGHTER'S
HAND IN MARRIAGE AND TRUMP SAYS "WHICH DAUGHTER?" "TIFFANY."
"OH, NOT NOW, I'M PARDONING LIL WAYNE."
BY THE WAY, BEFORE WE SEAL HIM BACK UP IN HIS COFFIN FOR A
WHILE, I WANT TO MENTION, JUST TO PUT ANOTHER CHERRY ON THIS
BANANA SPLIT OF HYPOCRISY WE'VE BEEN FORCE‐FED FOR THE LAST FOUR
YEARS, IT TURNS OUT, AFTER FLYING AROUND THE COUNTRY
SCREAMING ABOUT THE EVILS OF PROVISIONAL BALLOTS FOR THE LAST
TEN MONTHS, RUDY GIULIANI, VOTED WITH, YOU GUESSED IT!
A PROVISIONAL BALLOT. ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?
THE IRONY IS THICKER THAN THE GRECIAN FORMULA OOZING FROM HIS
PORES. IT WILL BE INTERESTING TO SEE
WHAT RUDY DOES NEXT. IT WILL BE INTERESTING TO SEE
WHAT ANY OF THEM DO NEXT. THEY SAY THAT OUTGOING TRUMP
STAFFERS ARE HAVING TROUBLE FINDING JOBS.
ACCORDING TO ONE FORMER WEST WING OFFICIAL, NO ONE WANTS TO
TOUCH THEM, THEY'RE TOXIC. SO NOW THAT THEIR TIME IN THE
WHITE HOUSE IS OVER, THE QUESTION IS, WHAT WILL THESE
PEOPLE DO? FORTUNATELY, I AM IN POSSESSION
ONE MAGIC CRYSTAL BALL. I BOUGHT IT ON ETSY.
IT'S REALLY A GOOD ONE, TOO. NOW LET'S FIND OUT WHAT THE
FUTURE HOLDS FOR MEMBERS OF THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION.
THERE WE ARE. THAT IS WHITE HOUSE PRESS
SECRETARY KAYLEIGH McENANY. KAYLEIGH WILL GO BACK TO HER OLD
JOB, WORKING AS A WAX FIGURE OF PARIS HILTON AT MADAME TUSSAUDS
IN ORLANDO, FLORIDA. RUDY GIULIANI SIGNS ON AS
FOREMAN AT TOTAL SEASONS LANDSCAPING, WHERE HE'S LATER
FIRED AFTER A HOMEOWNER CATCHES HIM MASTURBATING IN A SHRUB.
FORMER PRESS SECRETARY SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS, 14‐1 FIGHTING,
HER ONLY LOSS TO A JUVENILE ELEPHANT WHO WAS FORCED TO SWIM
TO SHORE. WHITE HOUSE ADVISER STEPHEN
MILLER WROTE AND STARS IN A ONE‐MAN SHOW CALLED "IF HITLER
WAS BALD" WHICH HE PERFORMS AT DEMOLITION DERBIES THROUGHOUT
SOUTH DAKOTA. FORMER HOUSING AND URBAN
DEVELOPMENT SECRETARY BEN CARSON CAN NOW BE FOUND ASLEEP IN HIS
CAR FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE. FORMER COUNSELOR TO THE
PRESIDENT, KELLYANNE CONWAY, RETURNED TO THE WHITE HOUSE
WHERE SHE SCARES CROWS OUT OF THE ROSE GARDEN.
FORMER PRESS SECRETARY SEAN SPICER FOUND WORK AS CMO OF FUR
FEST, THE WORLD'S THIRD‐LARGEST FURRY CONVENTION TAKING PLACE
JUNE 14th IN PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA.
AFTER THE DIVORCE, FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP CHANGED HER LAST
NAME AND MARRIED KID ROCK AT THE BOTTOM OF A GRAVEL QUARRY IN
LIVONIA, MICHIGAN. ERIC TRUMP TRIED TO CREATE AN
EBAY ACCOUNT TO SELL NAPKINS HIS FATHER WIPED HIS MOUTH WITH BUT
GAVE UP WHEN HE WAS UNTABLE TO COME UP WITH AN ORIGINAL
USERNAME. DON JR. BECAME A SAFARI GUIDE IN
OVER AFRICA WHERE HE WAS TORN APART BY BABOONS.
HIS GIRLFRIEND, KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, DID NOT ATTEND THE
FUNERAL. DAUGHTER IVANKA TRUMP WENT ON TO
BE MISS JANUARY IN THE BIKINI CALENDAR.
AFTER THE SUPPLIED WITH JARED SHE MOVED TO RANSOM, MISSOURI,
WHERE SHE'S MARRIED TO A DONALD TRUMP IMPERSONATOR.
THE DAY JARED KUSHNER WAS SET TO BE ARRESTED, HE FLED TO
SWITZERLAND, WHERE ACCORDING TO LOCAL LEGEND HE ROAMS THE WOODS
AT NIGHT, CALLING FOR TEENAGERS TO MURDER THEIR PARENTS IN THEIR
SLEEP. FORMER VICE PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE
HIJACKED A SPACE ROCKET AND BLASTED OFF TO A PLANET WHERE
HE'S WORSHIPPED FOR HIS TRANSLUCENT NIGHT SKIN.
AS FOR FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP, THE NIGHT OF THE
INAUGURATION HE WAS VISITED BY THREE VOTES WHO CONVINCED HIM TO
ABANDON HIS PLANS TO RUN AGAIN IN 2024, AND DONALD J. TRUMP WAS
BETTER THAN HIS WORD. HE BECAME AS GOOD A FRIEND, A
GOOD AN EX‐PRESIDENT, AS GOOD A MAN AS THE CITY KNEW.
TO LITTLE MARCO RUBIO HE BECAME LIKE A FATHER.
FROM THEN ON IT WAS SAID OF OLD ORANGE BELLY THAT HE LEARNED HOW
TO KEEP ELECTION DAY IN HIS HEART ALL YEAR ROUND.
GOD BLESS US, EVERY ONE. NAH, I'M JUST SCREWING AROUND.
TRUMP DIED OF GOUT IN GUANTANAMO. HE WILL BE MISSED.
WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
CONGRESSMAN ADAM SCHIFF IS WITH US.
WE HAVE MUSIC FROM JACK HARLOW. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CASEY
AFFLECK, SO STICK AROUND.
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. TONIGHT, FROM CALIFORNIA'S 28th
CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT, WHICH IS A FANCY WAY OF SAYING "BURBANK,"
CONGRESSMAN ADAM SCHIFF. THEN LATER, HIS ALBUM IS CALLED
"THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY." MUSIC FROM JACK HARLOW.
TOMORROW NIGHT, JOHN OLIVER AND CHARLES P. PIERCE FROM "ESQUIRE"
WILL JOIN US TO CELEBRATE INAUGURATION DAY, WITH MUSIC
FROM ASHLEY McBRYDE. AND ON THURSDAY, ALLISON JANNEY,
DANA BASH FROM CNN, AND MUSIC FROM BEST COAST.
PLEASE JOIN US TOMORROW AND THE NEXT DAY, AND THEN GOING FORTH.
OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN OSCAR AND GOLDEN GLOBE‐WINNING ACTOR, A
WRITER, DIRECTOR, AND ONE OF THE THREE MOST FAMOUS CASEYS EVER.
HIS NEW MOVIE "OUR FRIEND" OPENS IN SELECT THEATERS AND PREMIERES
FRIDAY ON DEMAND. PLEASE WELCOME CASEY AFFLECK.
HELLO, CASEY.
>> HELLO, SIR, HOW ARE YOU?
>> Jimmy: I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> NICE PLACE TO SEE YOU. HOW ARE THINGS?
>> Jimmy: IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU TOO. I SEE ME IN YOU RIGHT NOW.
I SEE ME BEHIND YOUR HEAD THERE. WHAT'S GOING ON THERE?
>> OH, THIS IS ‐‐ THIS IS JUST MY WALL OF HERE ROWS BACK HERE.
PEOPLE WHO ‐‐ YOU KNOW THESE GUYS, KING, LINCOLN,
SHAKESPEARE, JAMES KIMMEL, FREDERICK DOUGLAS, KIMMEL, MY
KIDS, THAT'S YOU, THAT'S A YOUNG JIMMY KIMMEL RIGHT THERE.
THIS IS PEOPLE WHO ‐‐ PEOPLE I LOOK UP TO.
>> Jimmy: OH, THAT'S VERY NICE. I'M SO ‐‐ I'M LIKE FOUR TIMES AS
POPULAR AS LINCOLN IN YOUR HOUSE, I GUESS.
>> WELL, WE ALL GET TO PUT SOMEBODY UP, AND THE KIDS PUT
ONE UP OF YOU EACH.
>> Jimmy: HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING?
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE KIDS? ARE THEY IN YOUR HOUSE?
ARE YOU WATCHING THEM? ARE YOU LOCKED DOWN WITH THEM?
THEY'RE TEENAGERS NOW, RIGHT?
>> AM I SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THEM? YEAH THEY'RE TEENAGERS.
WE'RE HERE ‐‐ WE'RE DOING OKAY. I MEAN, YOU KNOW.
THINGS COULD BE WORSE. I KNOW EVERYONE ELSE IS VERY
PRODUCTIVE WITH THEIR HOBBIES AND THEIR WORK AND LEARNING HOW
TO DO THINGS. BUT WE'RE JUST ‐‐ I FIND WE'RE
TRYING TO GET THROUGH THE DAYS AND WE'RE HAVING A PRETTY GOOD
TIME. WE'VE BEEN MOSTLY INSIDE, LIKE A
LOT OF PEOPLE. BUT WE HAVE ‐‐ I GOT A CHANCE TO
GET THEM OUT OF THE HOUSE. WE TOOK A ROAD TRIP THIS SUMMER,
DROVE AROUND THE COUNTRY A LITTLE BIT, WHICH IS SOMETHING
WE LIKE TO DO.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> THAT WAS FUN.
>> Jimmy: WHEN YOU SAY WE LIKE TO DO THIS, I WANT TO PUT UP A
PHOTOGRAPH OF THE BOYS WITH YOU. THIS IS A PICTURE ‐‐ WHERE IS
THIS? IS THIS THE GRAND CANYON? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
>> THAT'S NOT THE GRAND CANYON, THAT'S CALLED THE RED RIM CANYON.
I GUESS YOU GOT THAT OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA. YEAH.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW. THEY DON'T LOOK THAT HAPPY.
I MEAN, LOOK, THEY'RE TEENAGERS. THEY DON'T REALLY WANT TO BE IN
THE HOUSE WITH ME. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE GOOD TO
GET THEM OUT. BUT I THINK THEY MIGHT HAVE FELT
THAT BEING STUCK IN A CAR FOR TWO WEEKS WITH ME WAS OUT OF THE
FRYING PAN, INTO THE FIRE. BUT YOU KNOW. TRY.
>> Jimmy: IT'S A WEIRD THING. I DON'T KNOW WHEN IT HAPPENS, AT
WHAT AGE, BUT THERE'S AN AGE AT WHICH SIGHTSEEING BECOMES
INTERESTING. AND BELOW IT ‐‐ I JUST REMEMBER
SO MANY TIMES BEING IN THE BACK SEAT AND MY PARENTS WOULD BE
LIKE, OH! LOOK AT THAT MOUNTAIN! AND I'D BE LIKE, YEAH, ALL
RIGHT, WHO CARES? AND NOW I'M THE ONE TELLING MY
KIDS TO LOOK AT THE MOUNTAIN, AND THEY'RE TELLING ME, WHO
CARES?
>> YEAH, WELL ‐‐ I THINK PART OF WHAT IT IS, ONCE YOU START BEING
THE DRIVER, YOU CARE A LITTLE BIT MORE FOR SOME WEIRD REASON.
MY OLDER ONE, HE DRIVES. I'M RESTING IN THE SEAT NEXT TO
HIM. HE STARTS POINTING OUT THE MOUNTAINS TO ME.
>> Jimmy: IS THAT WHAT IT IS? SO ON A ROAD TRIP YOU LET YOUR
SON DRIVE THE CAR?
>> NOT MUCH.
>> Jimmy: NOT MUCH, YEAH. THAT'S VERY TRUSTING, YEAH.
SO ‐‐ OKAY, SO YOU'RE KEEPING BUSY THERE.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS.
BUT THE ROOM I'M IN RIGHT NOW, DO YOU RECOGNIZE IT AT ALL?
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: WE WATCHED THE PATRIOTS WIN THE SUPER BOWL IN
THIS ROOM.
>> IS THAT RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, AND I SAID WE ‐‐
>> ALL I RECOGNIZE IS THAT LITTLE CORNER.
>> Jimmy: YOU AND YOUR BROTHER WERE HERE AND THE PATRIOTS ‐‐
AND TOM BRADY WAS THE QUARTERBACK FOR THE PATRIOTS AT
THAT TIME.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. YOU FOLLOW FOOTBALL.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH. NOW TOM BRADY, IT'S A WEIRD
THING, THE PATRIOTS ARE NOT IN THE SUPER BOWL, LIKE AT ALL,
LIKE I MEAN ‐‐ EVEN IN THE PLAYOFFS.
IT SEEMS THAT THEY'RE TERRIBLE NOW.
AND YET TOM BRADY HAS CONTINUED ON ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW
THIS, HE'S ON ANOTHER TEAM NOW.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WERE AWARE OF THAT AND WHAT
YOUR FEELINGS ARE ON THAT.
>> THAT'S FUNNY. I'M A PATRIOTS FAN.
I REMAIN A PATRIOTS FAN. BUT I LOVE TOM AND I'M ALWAYS
GOING TO ROOT FOR HIM. I LIKE WATCHING HIM PLAY.
I THINK IT WAS TIME FOR A CHANGE. IT SEEMED LIKE IT WAS GOOD FOR
EVERYONE. SOMETIMES YOU'VE GOT TO ‐‐ YOU
WANT TO GROW IN A NEW WAY, YOU HAVE TO GO TO A NEW PLACE AND DO
IT. BUT HE'S THE GOAT. THE OTHER THING IS THAT THE
PATRIOTS CAN STILL WIN. NOT THIS SEASON.
BUT THEY DON'T NEED TO HAVE THE GOAT TO WIN.
YOU KNOW, THE TEAM THAT WINS IS NOT THE TEAM WITH THE BEST
PLAYERS.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT. BUT WHEN YOU SAY IT WORKED OUT
THE BEST FOR EVERYBODY, YOU REALIZE THAT IT DID NOT IN ANY
WAY WORK OUT WELL FOR THE PATRIOTS?
>> THIS IS A BUILDING YEAR. GIVE IT TIME, GIVE IT TIME.
>> Jimmy: I GOTCHA, ALL RIGHT. WELL LISTEN, THE MOVIE, BY THE
WAY, I WATCHED THE MOVIE LAST NIGHT. OH MY GOD, WHAT A
HEART‐WRENCHING FILM AND STORY THIS IS.
AND A TRUE STORY, TOO, WHICH MAKES IT EVEN ‐‐ THERE'S
SOMETHING ABOUT THE STORY BEING TRUE THAT REALLY MAKES IT STICK
WITH YOU. IT'S YOU, DAKOTA JOHNSON, WHO
HAPPENS TO BE MY NEXT‐DOOR NEIGHBOR, BY THE WAY.
SHE CAN PROBABLY HEAR US RIGHT NOW. AND JASON SEGEL TAKING ON A
SOMEWHAT SERIOUS ROLE, BUT H HUMOROUS AS WELL.
ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO SAD MOVIES, TO MOVIES ABOUT HEARTBREAK?
>> I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN ‐‐ THEY MIGHT BE THE ONLY
MOVIES THAT WILL CAST ME, YOU KNOW?
I END UP ‐‐ I'VE ENDED UP IN SOME OF THEM.
BUT THIS IS A MOVIE, IT IS SORT OF LIGHTHEARTED EVEN THOUGH IT
IS ABOUT A FAMILY IN A CRISIS. IT HAS SOME ‐‐ THERE'S SOME
SADNESS IN IT. BUT IT'S ALSO VERY FUNNY.
JASON SEGEL'S ALWAYS VERY FUNNY, DAKOTA'S INCREDIBLY CHARMING,
THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN IT, NATE BENTON FROM "HAMILTON."
THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE OTHER THAN ME, SO IT WON'T JUST BE A
DOWNER, IT WILL ALSO BE SOMETHING YOU'LL ENJOY.
BUT THIS IS REALLY ACTUALLY KIND OF AN UPLIFTING MOVIE, DESPITE.
>> Jimmy: YES, I AGREE.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU ‐‐ LAST TIME YOU WERE ON THE SHOW, I THINK YOU
BROUGHT ME ‐‐ YOU MADE ME SOMETHING. YOU MADE ME A BAT.
A WOODEN MAT BAT THAT YOU MILLED. IS IT CORRECT TO SAY YOU MILLED
THIS BAT?
>> I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S THE WORD YOU WOULD USE.
I PUT IT ON A MACHINE AND CARVED IT UP, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU STILL WOODWORKING? ARE YOU STILL THAT?
>> I'VE STOPPED WOODWORKING. IN PART IT'S BECAUSE THE WOOD
SHOP IS CLOSED DURING THE PANDEMIC.
ALSO BECAUSE I PUT A LOT OF TIME INTO MAKING THAT BAT FOR YOU AND
I BROUGHT IT OVER AND IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR THAT YOU WEREN'T AT
ALL IMPRESSED.
>> Jimmy: WHAT?
>> IT WAS A LITTLE DISHE DISHEARTENING.
I GUESS LOOKING AT THE WOOD BEHIND YOU, I FEEL PRETTY GOOD
ABOUT MY WORK.
>> Jimmy: WELL, THAT'S JUST ‐‐ THOSE ARE LOGS.
THEY HAVEN'T BEEN FORMED.
>> NO, YOU WORKED ON THOSE. THOSE AREN'T LOGS, YOU WORKED IT.
>> Jimmy: NO, THEY'RE LOGS, FOR REAL. YOU WANT TO SEE ONE?
HOLD ON, LET ME GET A LOG. PEOPLE DO ASK ABOUT THEM A LOT.
LOOK. THEY'RE JUST LOGS.
>> YEAH. BUT MY BAT LOOKED BETTER THAN
THAT, I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY ARE.
>> Jimmy: BECAUSE THESE ARE IN THEIR RAW TREE FORM.
THEY GREW LIKE THIS. IT DIDN'T REQUIRE ANY MANPOWER.
>> SOMEONE HAD TO WORK ON THOSE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, THEY DID CUT THEM, ALL RIGHT.
ANYWAY. I DON'T WANT TO DWELL ON THAT.
THANKS FOR THE BAT. I'M SURPRISED THAT YOU'RE NOT AT
TRUMP'S GOING‐AWAY PARTY TONIGHT. I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT YOU
WOULD BE THERE. DID YOU NOT GET INVITED?
>> YEAH, I WASN'T INVITED. WHAT A ‐‐ WHAT A ‐‐ WHAT A
THING, HUH, MAN? MY GOD. IT'S SAD.
I'VE SEEN THOSE PICTURES FROM WHEN ‐‐ PREPARING FOR THE
INAUGURATION, YOU KNOW. THIS IS A HISTORIC MOMENT AND
IT'S MARKED LIKE LARGE METAL BARRIERS INSTEAD OF CONFETTI AND
CELEBRATION, YOU KNOW? IT'S KIND OF ‐‐
>> Jimmy: I KNOW. IT IS ‐‐ IT'S NOT THE WAY IT
SHOULD BE. BUT I THINK THERE'S CERTAINLY
CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION. AND I THINK THAT IF SOMEBODY
TOLD US, HEY, LISTEN, YOU KNOW WHAT? BIDEN'S GOING TO GET
INAUGURATED, BUT WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE MUCH OF A PARTY AND
THERE ARE GOING TO BE A LOT OF TROOPS AND A LOT OF METAL BARS.
WE'D SAY, OKAY, WE CAN DEAL WITH THAT.
THAT'S HOW I'M LOOKING AT IT, I GUESS.
I'M SICK OF TALKING ABOUT DONALD TRUMP.
>> I LIKE THAT. I MEAN, YES, AND ALONG THOSE
LINES, I'LL SAY THAT PEOPLE LOOK BACK ON THESE YEARS AND THEY
WILL FORGET HOW AWFUL IT WAS. I THINK THEY WILL JUST SEE THE
PROGRESS WAS MADE, IT WASN'T PRETTY, BUT THAT IT HAPPENED.
YOU KNOW. THEY WILL REMEMBER THE PROMISE
OF THE SILVER LINING, NOT THE DARK CLOUD WE ALL FELT.
>> Jimmy: I HOPE SO. I THINK SO.
I THINK PROBABLY WE HAVE A TENDENCY AS HUMAN BEINGS TO
REMEMBER THE GOOD STUFF, RIGHT?
>> NOT ME. BUT I THINK OTHER PEOPLE ARE
GOING TO REMEMBER IT THAT WAY. ALSO, SOMEBODY SAID ‐‐ SOMEONE
SAID, DEMOCRACY DOESN'T HAVE TO HAVE BEAUTIFUL RESULTS, BECAUSE
DEMOCRACY ITSELF IS BEAUTIFUL. AND THIS HAS BEEN THE PERFECT
EXAMPLE OF THAT. IT'S BEEN UGLY, IT'S BEEN
PAINFUL. BUT I THINK THAT, YOU KNOW, THE
FACT THAT EVERYONE IS SO INVOLVED, ONCE THINGS STOP BEING
SO INCREDIBLY HOSTILE, THAT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TAKEN LIKE
THREE STEPS IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
>> Jimmy: I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, CASEY AFFLECK.
THANKS FOR BEING WITH US. THE MOVIE IS CALLED "OUR FRIEND."
IT IS PREMIERING IN SELECT THEETERS WHICH YOU PROBABLY
CAN'T GO TO, BUT YOU CAN GET ON IT DEMAND FRIDAY. THANKS, CASEY.
BE BACK WITH CONGRESSMAN ADAM SCHIFF!
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. OUR NEXT GUEST TONIGHT IS
CHAIRMAN OF THE HOUSE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE, AND
THANK GOODNESS, BECAUSE THIS COUNTRY HAS NEVER BEEN MORE IN
NEED OF INTELLIGENCE THAN WE ARE RIGHT NOW.
PLEASE WELCOME THE CHAIRMAN OF THE HOUSE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE
AND OUR LOCAL CONGRESSMAN, TOO, THE HONORABLE ADAM SCHIFF.
HELLO, HONORABLE ADAM SCHIFF. IS IT OKAY TO CALL YOU ADAM OR
SHOULD WE GO WITH CONGRESSMAN? I GUESS CONGRESSMAN.
>> ADAM SOUNDS GREAT, THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: GOOD TO SEE YOU, HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M GOOD. YOU KNOW, ALL THINGS CONSIDERED.
DOING JUST FINE. HEALTHY AND HOPING TO STAY THAT
WAY.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU FEELING LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO MISS DONALD
TRUMP? ARE YOU A LITTLE BIT WISTFUL
RIGHT NOW?
>> I AM NOT THE LEAST BIT WISTFUL.
IN FACT, I THINK ALONG WITH THE REST OF THE COUNTRY, JUST NOT
BEING BOMBARDED WITH HIS TWEETS EVERY DAY HAS BEEN THE GREATEST
IMPROVEMENT TO ALL OF OUR MENTAL HEALTH.
SO I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE MOMENT THAT HE'S GONE.
IT JUST CAN'T COME QUICK ENOUGH.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS INTERESTING, HOW MUCH HE SEEMS TO HAVE
DISAPPEARED SINCE HE'S BEEN TAKEN OFF SOCIAL MEDIA.
I MEAN, IT REALLY MADE A ‐‐ I DIDN'T THINK ‐‐ I THOUGHT HE'D
STILL FIGURE OUT WAYS TO GET IN OUR FACES, AND HE HASN'T.
>> YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
I THOUGHT HE WOULD AS WELL. BUT HE'S ‐‐ I THINK A
COMBINATION OF LOST THAT BIG PLATFORM ON SOCIAL MEDIA, BUT
ALSO GONE INTO SECLUSION. YOU KNOW, I THINK HE STILL CAN'T
GET OVER THAT HE IS LEAVING OFFICE AS A BIG LOSER, AND
REALLY DOESN'T WANT TO BE SEEN. SO FINE, GOOD RIDDANCE.
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION TO BEGIN
AND FOR US TO BE ABLE TO TURN THE PAGE ON THIS UGLY CHAPTER.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. IT ENDED IN A VERY UGLY FASHION.
YOU WERE IN THE CAPITOL WHEN THE ANIMALS ATTACKED.
I WOULD IMAGINE THAT WAS A SCARY EXPERIENCE?
>> IT WAS. YOU KNOW, I WAS VERY FOCUSED ON
WHAT I WAS DOING. THE SPEAKER HAD ASKED ME AND
SEVERAL OF MY COLLEAGUES TO LEAD THE OPPOSITION TO THIS CHALLENGE
TO THE ELECTORS AND I WAS THINKING ABOUT, WHAT AM I GOING
TO SAY, HOW AM I GOING TO REBUT THE ARGUMENTS THE OTHERS WERE
MAKING? I LOOKED UP AND SAW THE SPEAKER
WAS GONE FROM THE CHAIR, THEN THE POLICE CAME IMMEDIATELY BACK
IN AND GOT OUR NUMBER TWO, STENY HOYER, OUT OF THE CHAMBER.
AND I REMEMBER GOING UP TO JIM McGOVERN, A COLLEAGUE FROM
MASSACHUSETTS, WHO WAS ASKED TO STEP IN FOR THE SPEAKER AND
PRESIDE. I WENT UP TO HIM AND I SAID,
THANK GOD WE FINALLY HAVE SOMEONE DISPOSABLE IN THE
SPEAKER'S CHAIR. I STILL DIDN'T KNOW HOW SERIOUS
THE SITUATION WAS. BUT THEN WE HAVE THESE
SUCCESSIVE ANNOUNCEMENTS BY CAPITOL POLICE THAT THERE WERE
INTRUDERS, RIOTERS IN THE BUILDING, WE NEEDED TO GET GAS
MASKS OUT. ONE OF MY NEW COLLEAGUES PICKED
UP ONE OF THESE POSTS WITH A HAND SANITIZER ATTACHED TO IT TO
USE AS A CLUB. AND I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE THE
MEMBER, AND I SAID, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?
AND HE SAID, 72 HOURS. AND I SAID, WHAT?
HE SAID, I JUST GOT ELECTED. NOT KNOWING WHAT ELSE TO SAY I
SAID, WELL, IT'S NOT ALWAYS LIKE THIS.
AND I REMEMBER ONE OF MY OTHER COLLEAGUES, SEAN PATRICK
MALONEY, AS WE WALKED OUT HE POINTED TO THIS REPUBLICAN
MEMBER WITH THE POST, WITH THE HAND SANITIZER ATTACHED, AND HE
SAID, WELL, EITHER THAT GUY'S REALLY CONCERNED OVER HIS SAFETY
OR HE'S JUST REALLY DEDICATED TO HAND HYGIENE.
BUT IT WAS ‐‐ IT WAS AWFUL. SURREAL.
>> Jimmy: AND OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN THERE, YOU HAVE TO BE AWARE
OF THE FACT THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THE MORE RECOGNIZABLE FACES WHEN
IT COMES TO THE ANTI‐TRUMP MOVEMENT.
AND IT PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN GREAT IF THEY'D FOUND YOU.
LUCKILY THEY DIDN'T FIND YOU. YOU GUYS WERE CORRALLED INTO A
ROOM TOGETHER. IN THAT ROOM WHERE YOU WERE WITH
REPUBLICANS, SOME OF WHOM MAY HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO WHAT
HAPPENED, WAS THERE ANIMOSITY? WAS THERE BONDING?
WHAT WAS IT LIKE IN THERE?
>> YOU KNOW, IT'S INTERESTING YOU MENTION THAT IT WOULD NOT
HAVE BEEN A GOOD THING FOR THE MOBSTERS TO GET AHOLD OF ME.
A NUMBER OF REPUBLICANS, AS WE ARE RUSHING OUT OF THE CHAMBERS,
SAID TO ME ‐‐ BECAUSE WE COULD LITERALLY SEE GLASS BREAKING AS
THE RIOTERS WERE SMASHING THE GLASS DOORS TO GET INTO THE
CHAMBER. A NUMBER OF REPUBLICANS SAID TO
ME, YOU CAN'T LET THEM SEE YOU. WE CAN TALK TO THESE PEOPLE, WE
KNOW THESE PEOPLE, BUT YOU CAN'T LET THEM SEE YOU.
MY INITIAL REACTION WAS TO BE TOUCHED THEY WERE CONCERNED FOR
MY SAFETY. A MOMENT LATER I THOUGHT TO
MYSELF, NO, WADE A SECT. IF THESE GUYS HADN'T BEEN
PUSHING THE PRESIDENT'S LIES THE LAST FOUR YEARS, I WOULDN'T HAVE
HAD TO WORRY ABOUT MY SECURITY, NOBODY WOULD HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
THEIR SECURITY. WHEN WE DID GET TO THAT SECURE
SPACE, THERE WAS A LOT OF ANIMOSITY.
YOU KNOW, ON THE PART OF MANY OF US, TOWARDS OUR REPUBLICAN
COLLEAGUES THAT HAD BROUGHT SUCH RUIN ON OUR HOUSE.
WHO EVEN THEN, STANDING AROUND WITH NO MASKS ON, JUST ADDING TO
THE MISERABLE CIRCUMSTANCES. BUT THEN TO GO RIGHT BACK TO THE
FLOOR HOURS LATER AND PICK UP WHERE THEY LEFT OFF, PROPAGATING
THE BIG LIE. AND THESE MEMBERS, JIMMY, THEY
KNOW IT'S A BIG LIE. UNLIKE SOME OF THOSE
INSURRECTIONISTS WHO BELIEVE THE PRESIDENT'S LIES, THEY KNOW THEY
WERE LYING TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, THESE MEMBERS.
AND THAT'S JUST UNFORGIVABLE, WHAT THEY BROUGHT DOWN ON THIS
COUNTRY. WE CAME VERY CLOSE LAST WEEK TO
LOSING OUR DEMOCRACY. AND NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THE
INSURRECTIONISTS, BUT BECAUSE IF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE HADN'T DEFIED
EFFORTS TO DISENFRANCHISE THEM AND GO TO VOTE, IF OTHERS HADN'T
DONE THEIR DUTY, LOCAL ELECTIONS OFFICIALS, AND PLAYED IT BY THE
BOOK, IF SECRETARIES OF STATE, LIKE IN GEORGIA, HADN'T DONE
THEIR JOB, IF JUDGES HADN'T DONE THEIR JOB, DONALD TRUMP WOULD
HAVE SUCCEEDED IN OVERTURNING A DEMOCRATIC ELECTION AND PUT US
ON THE FAST TRAIN TO DICTATORSHIP.
WE CAME VERY CLOSE TO LOSING SOMETHING VERY PRECIOUS.
>> Jimmy: CONGRESSMAN ADAM SCHIFF IS WITH US.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>>> WHAT ARE THE ODDS, IF LEFT IN OFFICE, HE WILL CONTINUE
TRYING TO CHEAT? I WILL TELL YOU. 100%.
NOT 5%, NOT 10%, EVEN 50%, BUT 100%.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS CONGRESSMAN ADAM SCHIFF. YOU WERE RIGHT.
IS IT HARD NOT TO TELL EVERYTHING "I TOLD YOU SO"?
WHEN YOU SPECIFICALLY, ON TELEVISION, SAID 100%.
WHICH I WONDER, EVEN AS YOU WERE SAYING THOSE WORDS, DID YOU
THINK MAYBE IT WOULD BE 99% AND NOT 100%?
DID YOU REALLY KNOW IT WAS 100%?
>> I FELT PRETTY CONFIDENT IT WAS 100%.
WE'VE KNOWN WHO THIS GUY IS FROM DAY ONE.
AND THERE WAS NO CAMOUFLAGING IT.
DONALD TRUMP NEVER TRIED TO HIDE HIS DEPRAVITY, HIS LACK OF
ETHICS, HIS LACK OF CHARACTER, HIS WILLINGNESS TO CHEAT BY ANY
MEANS. SO, YOU KNOW, THIS ADDS TO THE
TRAGEDY, JIMMY, BECAUSE IT WAS SO EMINENTLY PREDICTABLE AND
FORESEEABLE. THIS DIDN'T HAVE TO HAPPEN.
IF MORE OF THOSE SENATORS HAD FOUND THE COURAGE, AS MITT
ROMNEY DID, TO LIVE UP TO THEIR OATH ‐‐ THEY DIDN'T DISPUTE THE
PRESIDENT'S GUILT. THEY JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE
COURAGE TO ACT ON THEIR CONVICTION.
AND IT'S BEEN RUINOUS FOR US THAT THEY DIDN'T.
>> Jimmy: I HAVE TO SAY, I THINK THE CASE YOU MADE IN THE FIRST
IMPEACHMENT TRIAL WAS EVEN STRONGER, MORE CLEAR‐CUT, THAN
THIS ONE. WERE YOU ENCOURAGED BY MITCH
McCONNELL'S WORDS TODAY, WHERE HE REALLY PUT BLAME SQUARELY ON
THE PRESIDENT FOR WHAT HAPPENED?
>> WELL, HE IS CERTAINLY SPEAKING LIKE SOMEONE WHO
RECOGNIZES THE PRESIDENT'S GUILT AND WHAT HE DID IS AN
IMPEACHABLE OFFENSE. BUT NONETHELESS, THERE IS SOME
AMBIGUITY IN HIS WORDS. AND I CAN'T REMEMBER EXACTLY HIS
PHRASING. BUT HE DIDN'T USE THE WORD
"INCITEMENT." HE DID TALK ABOUT THE
PRESIDENT'S RESPONSIBILITY IN TERMS OF MOBILIZING THAT MOB.
BUT I THINK HE STILL LEFT HIMSELF SOME ROOM.
I HAVE TO HOPE AND PRAY THAT HE WILL DO HIS CONSTITUTIONAL DUTY,
BECAUSE I THINK AS MITCH McCONNELL GOES, MANY OTHER
REPUBLICAN SENATORS WILL GO. BUT WE FELT IT VITALLY IMPORTANT
IN THE HOUSE THAT WE DO OUR JOB. AND I'M GRATEFUL THAT WE HAD TEN
REPUBLICANS WILLING TO DO THEIRS. IT CERTAINLY DOESN'T EXCUSE ALL
THE ENABLEMENT THAT THOSE TEN, AS WELL AS HUNDREDS OF OTHERS IN
THE GOP, HAVE COMMITTED OVER THE LAST FOUR YEARS.
BUT NONETHELESS, A VERY IMPORTANT STEP OF ACCOUNTABILITY
TO IMPEACH THIS PRESIDENT AGAIN. AND I HOPE AND PRAY THAT HE'S
CONVICTED, BECAUSE JIMMY, IF IT WAS 100% LIKELIHOOD THAT HE
WOULD SEEK TO CHEAT AGAIN IN THE LAST ELECTION, IT IS ALSO 100%
LIKELY THAT IF HE RUNS AGAIN IN FOUR YEARS AND WE ALLOW HIM TO
DO SO, HE WILL SEEK TO CHEAT IN THAT ELECTION AS WELL.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU THINK PRESIDENT TRUMP WILL GO TO PRISON?
DO YOU THINK THERE'S A CHANCE THAT WILL HAPPEN?
>> THERE'S CERTAINLY A CHANCE. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GAUGE THE
ODDS. THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT IS GOING
TO HAVE VERY DIFFICULT DECISIONS TO MAKE, AND I HAVE A LOT OF
CONFIDENCE JUDGE GARLAND WILL MAKE THEM WITH THE GREATEST
INTEGRITY. THERE'S ALREADY AN INDICTMENT
THAT'S BEEN WRITTEN BY THE SOUTHERN DISTRICT OF NEW YORK IN
WHICH DONALD TRUMP IS INDIVIDUAL NUMBER ONE, AND ORGANIZED AND
DIRECT CAMPAIGN OF FRAUD SCHEME, THE SAME ONE MICHAEL COHEN WENT
TO PRISON FOR. SO THERE ARE THOSE ISSUES EVEN
SEPARATE AND APART FROM HIS INCITEMENT OF VIOLENCE AT THE
CAPITOL. BUT THERE ARE ALSO OTHERS AROUND
THE PRESIDENT WHO HAVE I THINK CRIMINAL AS WELL AS CIVIL
EXPOSURE. WHERE THAT WILL ALL END UP, I
DON'T KNOW. BUT WHY THINK THERE'S A NEED FOR
ACCOUNT ABILITY. THAT YES, WE NEED TO HEAL.
YES, WE NEED TO BRING ABOUT UNITY. AND THERE NEEDS TO BE
RECONCILIATION. BUT THERE CAN'T BE
RECONCILIATION WITHOUT ACCOUNTABILITY, WITHOUT TRUTH,
WITHOUT JUSTICE.
>> Jimmy: WELL, YOU KNOW, WE THANK YOU FOR HOW SERIOUSLY YOU
TAKE YOUR JOB. IT SEEMS THAT MANY IN THE HOUSE
DON'T. AND THAT I KNOW THAT YOU DO, AND
I KNOW THAT YOU WORK VERY HARD. AND THANKS FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE
DONE TO KEEP THIS GUY IN CHECK. WHETHER SUCCESSFUL OR NOT, YOU
DID A LOT, I THINK. AND IT MAKES US FEEL GOOD TO
KNOW THAT WE HAVE SOMEBODY IN CONGRESS WHO IS ACTUALLY
INTELLIGENT WORKING IN THE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE.
SO THANK YOU, CONGRESSMAN SCHIFF. I APPRECIATE YOU BEING WITH US.
I HOPE JOE BIDEN DOESN'T COME UP WITH A MEAN NICKNAME FOR YOU.
THAT WOULD BE TOTALLY OUT OF LINE.
AND THANKS FOR BEING WITH US. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JACK
HARLOW.
♪
>> Jimmy: HELLO AGAIN. HERE I AM AT MY TABLE.
WITH MY LOGS. OUR MUSICAL GUEST TONIGHT IS
FROM KENTUCKY, JUST LIKE THE CHICKEN.
HIS ALBUM IS CALLED, "THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY."
WITH THE SONG "ROUTE 66," JOINED BY E‐S‐T GEE, JACK HARLOW!
♪
♪ I'M FROM KENTUCKY BUT
THIS AIN'T NO DIXIE CHICKS THIS IS NOT ROUTE 66
SHE STEP OUT ♪
♪ TAKE LIKE FIFTY FLICKS
I'M WAY TOO SELECTIVE WITH THE FOLKS THAT I GET MIXY WITH ♪
♪ SHE SAID
THAT'S A LIE, BOY YOU A THOT, THOT, THOT
JUST LEFT OUT THE CITY ♪
♪ IT WAS HOT, HOT, HOT
THINK THEY WITH ME BUT THEY NOT, NOT, NOT
I JUST CANNOT STOP ♪
♪ I'M 'BOUT TO BUY
MY BRO A DROP SHE CAME TO KICK IT WITH HER FRIENDS ♪
♪ THEY TAKIN'
SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS I'M A HOT SHOT
♪ MET HER AT THE CLUB AND
I TOOK HER TO THE CASA GET BREAD NONSTOP KNOW MY NAME ♪
♪ RING A BELL LIKE RAJA
FROM THE CITY LIKE RONDO, RAJON BUT I'M FROM THE ♪
♪ WHITE SIDE LIKE HASSAN
WAY TOO FLY BUT I'M NOT TRYING HAD Y'ALL'S FUN BUT ♪
♪ IT'S MY TIME
CHAIN GO BLING I AIN'T TALKING 'BOUT HOTLINE ♪
♪ YOUNG AND I GOT TIME
BUT I FINALLY GOT ONE IT'S ABOUT TIME
MAKE THE WHOLE CITY SHINE ♪
♪ EVERY TIME THAT I SHINE
LET ME KNOW NOW IF YOU NOT DOWN 'CAUSE YOU LEFT ♪
♪ AND YOU NOT 'ROUND
NEED A JULEP AND A HOT BROWN GO 'HEAD ♪
♪ LET THAT TOP DOWN
I'M FROM KENTUCKY BUT THIS AIN'T NO DIXIE CHICKS
THIS IS NOT ROUTE 66 ♪
♪ SHE STEP OUT
TAKE LIKE FIFTY FLICKS I'M WAY TOO SELECTIVE WITH
THE FOLKS THAT I ♪
♪ GET MIXY WITH
SHE SAID THAT'S A LIE, BOY YOU A THOT, THOT, THOT ♪
♪ JUST LEFT OUT THE CITY
IT WAS HOT, HOT, HOT THINK THEY WITH ME BUT
THEY NOT, NOT, NOT ♪
♪ I JUST CANNOT STOP
I'M 'BOUT TO BUY MY BRO A DROP SHE CAME TO KICK IT ♪
♪ WITH HER FRIENDS
THEY TAKIN' SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS YEAH, WHITE GOLD OVER ♪
♪ MY CHROME HEARTS
TEN BANDS SLOPPY I AIN'T GOT NO CARD
I DON'T FEEL NOTHING ♪
♪ FOR THE MOST PART
FAT BOY DRIVE THIS LIKE A GO‐KART SLIDE THROUGH ♪
♪ THE OPP BLOCKS SHOOTING
OUT BLOW DARTS I BEEN RICH BEFORE I SIGNED ♪
♪ SHIRT COST FIVE
WEAR IT ONE TIME SHE DON'T SLURP GET OUT MY RIDE ♪
♪ RUN MY CITY
YOU CAN ASK MY OPPS LOVE MY THOTS WITH
MOUTHS LIKE MOPS ♪
♪ SHIRT OFF
CHAINS ON IN A DROP I SPENT TWENTY G'S FOR A CLOCK ♪
♪ PUT A BENTLEY GT
IN MY MOUTH WE DON'T SELL CDs OUT THIS HOUSE ♪
♪ STILL GOT
BARK BARK IN NOW LIKE WHAT'S A DROUGHT
DROUGHT, DROUGHT ♪
♪ I'M FROM KENTUCKY BUT
THIS AIN'T NO DIXIE CHICKS THIS IS NOT ROUTE 66
SHE STEP OUT ♪
♪ TAKE LIKE FIFTY FLICKS
I'M WAY TOO SELECTIVE WITH THE FOLKS THAT I GET MIXY WITH ♪
♪ SHE SAID
THAT'S A LIE, BOY YOU A THOT, THOT, THOT
JUST LEFT OUT THE CITY ♪
♪ IT WAS HOT, HOT, HOT
THINK THEY WITH ME BUT THEY NOT, NOT, NOT
I JUST CANNOT STOP ♪
♪ I'M 'BOUT TO BUY
MY BRO A DROP SHE CAME TO KICK IT WITH HER FRIENDS ♪
♪ THEY TAKIN'
SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS ♪
♪
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK CASEY AFFLECK, CONGRESSMAN SCHIFF,
JACK HARLOW. APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON, WE DID
RUN OUT OF TIME FOR HIM. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT, AND
TOMORROW, WE CAN BREATHE AGAIN.
BUENAS NOCHES.