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♪ BA DA BA BA DA BA BA DA BA

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♪ BA DA BA BA DA BA BA DA BA

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♪ JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

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BACK AT HOME!

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>> Jimmy: HELLO AND THANKS FOR
WATCHING.

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I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST OF THE
SHOW. GENTLEMEN AND YES WOMEN,

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WHEREVER YOU ARE, AND I NOW
YIELD THE FLOOR TO MYSELF.

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IT WAS A DAY OF RECKONING IN
WASHINGTON, AS THE HOUSE OF

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REPRESENTATIVES VOTED TO IMPEACH
DONALD TRUMP. AGAIN.

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THIS WAS THE SCENE INSIDE THE
CAPITOL, AHEAD OF TODAY'S VOTE.

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MEMBERS OF THE NATIONAL GUARD
GETTING SOME REST UNDER THE

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WATCHFUL EYE OF PRESIDENT
LINCOLN. LOOK AT THIS.

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TRUMP HAS TURNED THIS COUNTRY
INTO A BANKSY PAINTING.

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UNLIKE THE FIRST ONE, THIS WAS A
BIPARTISAN IMPEACHMENT.

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EVERY DEMOCRAT, AND A HANDFUL OF
REPUBLICANS, TEN OF THEM, VOTED

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TO THROW TRUMP OUT, IN PROTEST
FOR HIS ROLE ORGANIZING,

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MOBILIZING, AND INCITING THE
VIOLENT ATTACK ON THEM LAST WEEK.

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THESE PEOPLE ATTACKED THEM!
THEY TRIED TO GET THE VICE

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PRESIDENT.
THEY TRIED TO STOP OUR ELECTION.

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AND THESE JACKHOLES TODAY WERE
LIKE, "THIS IS ANOTHER POLITICAL

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ATTACK ON OUR PRESIDENT."
YOUR PRESIDENT GAVE A BIG, I

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MEAN LITTLE, THUMBS UP TO AN
ARMY OF MORONS MARCHING DOWN THE

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STREET, KICKING IN THE DOORS,
KILLING A POLICE OFFICER, AND

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SMEARING THEIR FECES ALL OVER
YOUR OFFICE.

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AND MOST OF THESE REPUBLICANS
ARE LIKE, "WELL, YOU KNOW, THE

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OFFICE DID NEED SOME FRESHENING
UP."

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SOME COLOR ON THE WALLS IS NICE.
BUT AS A RESULT OF THAT ACTION,

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DONALD TRUMP BECOMES THE FIRST
U.S. PRESIDENT TO BE IMPEACHED

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TWICE.
I WONDER IF HE'S TIRED OF ALL

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THE WINNING YET?
WHATEVER THEY'VE SAID AND DONE

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TO SUPPORT HIM IN THE PAST, I DO
WANT TO COMMEND THOSE

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REPUBLICANS IN THE HOUSE WHO
VOTED TO HOLD TRUMP ACCOUNTABLE.

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THAT'S A REAL ACT OF COURAGE AND
SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH.

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IT'S NOT JUST A POLITICAL RISK.
THESE TRUMP NUTS WILL COME TO

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THEIR HOUSE.
BUT THE REST OF THEM, IT'S

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ALWAYS A SURPRISE TO SEE HOW
CRAZY SOME OF OUR ELECTED

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OFFICIALS ARE.

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AND THAT WAS FULLY ON DISPLAY
TODAY AS THEY SUPPORTED THEIR

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SAD ORANGE MAN.

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>> THIS IS MERELY THE
CULMINATION OF A FOUR‐YEAR

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EFFORT TO OVERTURN THE WILL OF
THE PEOPLE AND THE RESULTS OF

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THE 2016 ELECTION.

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>> ROBERT DE NIRO SAID THAT HE
WANTED TO PUNCH THE PRESIDENT IN

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THE FACE.

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>> HE SPECIFICALLY TOLD THE
CROWD TO PROTEST PEACEFULLY AND

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PATRIOTIC.
AND THE VAST MAJORITY OF THEM

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DID.

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>> SOME HAVE CITED THE METAPHOR
THAT THE PRESIDENT LIT THE FLAME?

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WELL, THEY LIT ACTUAL FLAMES.
ACTUAL FIRES.

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>> MADONNA THOUGHT ABOUT BLOWING
UP THE WHITE HOUSE.

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>> I CALL BULL CRAP.

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>> HE DID SAY HE WANTED PEOPLE
TO FIGHT LIKE HELL OR WE'RE NOT

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GOING TO HAVE A COUNTRY ANYMORE,
BUT THAT'S OBVIOUSLY STANDARD

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HYPERBOLE.

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>> KATHY GRIFFIN HELD UP A
LIKENESS OF THE PRESIDENT'S

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BEHEADED HEAD.

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>> PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS HELD OVER
600 RALLIES IN THE LAST FOUR

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YEARS, NONE OF THEM INCLUDED
ASSAULTING POLICE, DESTROYING

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BUSINESSES, OR BURNING DOWN
CITIES.

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>> Jimmy: WELL, ONE OF THEM DID.
ON WEDNESDAY.

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AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.
PUSHING THIS IDEA THAT THE

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ATTACK ON THE CAPITOL LAST WEEK
BORE ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE

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BLACK LIVES MATTERS PROTESTS
OVER THE SUMMER, IT'S NOT JUST

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DUMB, IT'S DISGUSTING.
STOP COMPARING PROTESTERS

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MARCHING TO PROTECT THEIR RIGHTS
WITH ANARCHISTS STORMING AN

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ELECTION TO STRIP US OF OURS.
STOP IT. YOU SOUND STUPID.

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"TANNIBAL LECTER" HIMSELF
WEIGHED IN TODAY.

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NOT ON TWITTER, BECAUSE HE
IS NOT ALLOWED ON TWITTER

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ANYMORE.
HE DID IT THE OLD‐FASHIONED WAY.

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WHILE THE HOUSE WAS DEBATING
WHETHER OR NOT HE SHOULD FINISH

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OUT THE WEEK, TRUMP ISSUED A

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CAREFULLY WORDED BY SOMEONE ELSE
STATEMENT THAT SAYS, "IN LIGHT

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OF REPORTS OF MORE
DEMONSTRATIONS, I URGE THAT

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THERE MUST BE NO VIOLENCE NO
LAWBREAKING, NO VANDALISM OF ANY

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KIND.
THIS IS NOT WHAT WE STAND FOR,

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THIS IS NOT WHAT AMERICA STANDS
FOR.

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I CALL ON ALL AMERICANS TO HELP
EASE TENSIONS AND CALM TEMPERS.

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THANK YOU." WINK WINK.
SEEMS LIKE IVANKA MANAGED TO

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SLIP AN AMBIEN INTO HIS McFLURRY.
BECAUSE HE PUT OUT ANOTHER ONE

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OF THE STILTED HOSTAGE VIDEOS
THEY FORCE HIM TO MAKE, TOO,

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CALLING FOR CALM IN THE MOST
SCRIPTED WAY POSSIBLE, A WEEK

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AFTER HE SHOULD HAVE DONE IT.
ACCORDING TO CNN, ONE OF TRUMP'S

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ADVISORS SAYS THAT HE IS
"CLUELESS TO WHAT ANY OF THIS

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MEANS INTERNATIONALLY OR
HISTORICALLY."

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BUT HE IS APPARENTLY WORRIED
ABOUT HOW IT COULD AFFECT THE

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TRUMP BRAND, AND FROM THAT
STANDPOINT, HE IS AIR FORCE DONE.

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THE PIZZA HUT ENDORSEMENT DEALS
ARE GONE.

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THERE WILL BE RAMIFICATIONS FOR
DONALD TRUMP IN THE FUTURE, AND

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THERE WILL BE RAMIFICATIONS FOR
THOSE WHO STORMED THE CAPITOL

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TOO. THERE HAVE BEEN MORE THAN
70 ARRESTS SO FAR, HUNDREDS ARE

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EXPECTED.
AS PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT THE

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PHOTOS AND VIDEO AND GOING, HEY,
I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH THAT GUY,

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THEN THEY CALL THE FBI TO TURN
THEM IN.

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THIS WAS ONE OF THE ODDER THINGS
TO COME OUT OF THIS.

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THERE WERE MANY BIZARRE
CHARACTERS WHO TOOK PART IN THE

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SIEGE, WITH GOAT HORNS AND FLAG
JACKETS AND WHATNOT.

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THERE WERE EVEN SOME CELEBRITY
LOOK‐ALIKES TOO.

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>> CHUCK NORRIS, NOW SETTING THE
RECORD STRAIGHT, HE SAYS HE WAS

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NOT AT THE DEADLY CAPITOL RIOTS
LAST WEEK.

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AN ATTENDEE YOU CAN SEE HERE
POSTED A PHOTO ON INSTAGRAM.

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SOME PEOPLE SAY IT LOOKS JUST
LIKE CHUCK NORRIS.

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>> Jimmy: AND THEY ARE RIGHT.
IT DOES LOOK LIKE CHUCK NORRIS,

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EXCEPT THE FACT THAT CHUCK
NORRIS IS 80 YEARS OLD NOW.

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THE ONLY THING CHUCK NORRIS IS
STORMING NOWADAYS, IS THE

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BATHROOM AT 4:00 A. M.
SO WALKER, TEXAS RANGER WAS NOT

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THERE, BUT THIS FORMER OLYMPIAN
WAS.

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>> ALSO ALLEGEDLY SEEN IN THE
CROWD INSIDE THE CAPITOL,

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FIVE‐TIME OLYMPIC MEDALIST CLETE
KELLER WHO APPEARED TO BE

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WEARING A TEAM USA JACKET.

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>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU SWALLOW A GALLON OF

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CHLORINE A WEEK SINCE YOU WERE 6.
THIS GUY, WHO STOLE NANCY

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PELOSI'S LECTERN, ALLEGEDLY, WAS
RELEASED THIS WEEK ON $25,000

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BAIL.
AND THE LECTERN WAS RELEASED TOO.

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CAMERAS CAUGHT A PELOSI STAFFER
WHEELING IT HOME.

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THE LECTERN RETURNS.
TOOK THEM A COUPLE DAYS TO SCRUB

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ALL THE FLORIDA OFF OF IT, BUT
IT SHOULD BE GOOD TO GO.

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THE OTHER THING REPUBLICANS WERE
POPPING OFF ABOUT TODAY WAS THE

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METAL DETECTOR.
THEY BEEFED UP THE SECURITY AT

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THE CAPITOL TODAY, BECAUSE OF
THAT WHOLE ANGRY MOB THING, SO

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NOW LAWMAKERS HAVE TO GO THROUGH
A METAL DETECTOR ON THE WAY IN.

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AND SOME OF THEM ARE PRETTY
MAD ABOUT IT.

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JIM JORDAN WAS WHINING IT
VIOLATED HIS CONSTITUTIONAL

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RIGHTS.
HEY, JIM, JUST DO WHAT YOU

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NORMALLY DO WHEN SOMETHING'S
BEING VIOLATED, LOOK THE OTHER

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WAY. "MOLESTED?
ALL I SAW WAS AN INVERTED

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LEGLOCK!"
NOT TO MENTION THE IRONY THAT

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AMERICAN SCHOOLKIDS HAVE TO DO
THIS EVERY DAY BECAUSE THEY

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REFUSE TO ACT ON GUN CONTROL.
BUT THAT WAS LOST ENTIRELY ON

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THE HUMAN BEDBUG SLASH
CONGRESSMAN, DEVIN NUNES.

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>> I'M NOT JOKING, WHEN YOU TALK
ABOUT THE FALL OF THE SOVIET

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UNION, WHAT DID THEY START TO DO?

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THEY STARTED TO CRACK DOWN, THEY
STARTED TO CRACK DOWN ON PEOPLE.

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THAT'S WHAT YOU SEE HERE.
THEY'RE NOT ALLOWING REPUBLICANS

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TO OFFER AMENDMENTS.
WE HAVE TO GO TOING ME NOT TOM

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TEARS TO GET CHECKED BEFORE WE
GO ON THE HOUSE FLOOR, THAT WAS

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NEW TONIGHT, AS IF WE'RE
CRIMINALS.

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>> Jimmy: AS IF YOU ARE NOT.
WHY ARE YOU SO WORRIED ABOUT

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MAGNETOMETERS?
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SNEAK IN?

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ARE YOU WORRIED WE'LL FIND OUT
YOU EAT PENNIES?

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>> PEOPLE AREN'T HEARING THE
TRUTH, THEY GET ON SOCIAL MEDIA

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AND THEY'RE NOT ABLE TO EXPRESS
THEIR FEELINGS.

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YOU HAVE THE REST OF THE CLOWNS
OUT PUTTING THIS POISON OUT TO

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THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WHEN YOU'RE
EXACTLY RIGHT.

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LOOK, THE PRESIDENT MAKES A LOT
OF MISTAKES.

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ALL PRESIDENTS MAKE MISTAKES.

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>> Jimmy: HONK, HONK.
SELTZER BOTTLE.

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THE REASON THE HOUSE VOTED TO
IMPEACH TODAY, WAS BECAUSE THE

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VICE POODLE DECIDED NOT TO
INVOKE THE 25th AMENDMENT.

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MIKE PENCE IS LIKE ONE OF THOSE
WOMEN WHO FALLS IN LOVE WITH HER

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KIDNAPPER.
WE DID LEARN MORE ABOUT WHAT

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WENT DOWN LAST WEEK, WHEN PENCE
TOLD TRUMP THAT HE WOULD NOT

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OVERTURN THE RESULTS OF THE
ELECTION BECAUSE IT WAS ILLEGAL

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TO DO THAT.
TRUMP REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO

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MIKE PENCE.
HE DELIVERED A THREAT THAT WAS

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SO VULGAR, DON LEMON OF CNN
COULD BARELY EVEN SAY IT.

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>> I DEBATED ABOUT SAYING THIS,
BUT I HAVE TO. I HAVE TO.

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THIS IS THE NEWS. OKAY?
I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LANGUAGE

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HERE. BUT THIS IS A QUOTE.
"YOU EITHER GO DOWN IN HISTORY

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AS A PATRIOT OR YOU CAN GO DOWN

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IN HISTORY AS A PUSSY."

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>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT HE SAID TO
MIKE PENCE.

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PENCE CHOSE THE LATTER.
MAYBE IN HOPES THAT THE

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PRESIDENT WOULD GRAB HIM!
I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE SEEN MIKE

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PENCE REACT TO TRUMP CALLING HIM
A PUSSY.

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I BET HE BURST INTO TEARS AND
GOT SEXUALLY EXCITED AT THE SAME

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TIME. BUT WHATEVER THE GREAT
NEGOTIATOR SAID, IT DIDN'T WORK.

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YOU CAN ONLY PUSH MIKE PENCE SO
FAR, UNTIL HE SNAPS AND DOES

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NOTHING.
EVEN THOUGH TRUMP WAS IMPEACHED,

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HE WILL SERVE OUT THE REST OF
HIS TERM.

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THERE WILL BE A TRIAL IN THE
SENATE, EVENTUALLY.

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MAJORITY LEADER MITCH McCONNELL
ANNOUNCED TODAY HE WILL NOT

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BRING THE SENATE BACK EARLY TO
START AN IMPEACHMENT TRIAL,

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MEANING THE SOONEST IT COULD
START WOULD BE AFTER TRUMP IS

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OUT OF OFFICE.
McCONNELL IS REPORTED TO BE

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HAPPY THE IMPEACHMENT IS
HAPPENING, BECAUSE HE THINKS

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IT'LL BE A GOOD WAY FOR
REPUBLICANS TO GET TRUMP OUT OF

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00:09:02,613 --> 00:09:09,053
THEIR HAIRPIECES.
I'VE SEEN SOME LIBERALS PRAISING

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00:09:09,053 --> 00:09:10,688
MITCH McCONNELL FOR DOING THE
RIGHT THING HERE, BUT THAT, I

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00:09:10,688 --> 00:09:12,056
DON'T KNOW, THAT'S NONSENSE TO
ME.

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MITCH McCONNELL HAS KNOWN TRUMP
WAS A DANGEROUS IDIOT SINCE DAY

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ONE. DONALD TRUMP SIDED WITH
VLADIMIR PUTIN OVER OUR OWN

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INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES, HE SAID
HE WAS "IN LOVE" WITH

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KIM JONG‐UN, GASSED A CROWD OF
PEACEFUL PROTESTERS SO HE COULD

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TAKE A PICTURE WITH AN
UPSIDE‐DOWN BIBLE, HE WITHHELD

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00:09:30,074 --> 00:09:31,976
MILITARY AID FROM AN ALLY NATION
IN EXCHANGE FOR IMAGINARY DIRT

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ON JOE BIDEN'S SON, HE DREW ON A
MAP WITH A SHARPIE, TO LIE ABOUT

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00:09:38,616 --> 00:09:40,918
A HURRICANE.
HE CLAIMED THE PANDEMIC, THE

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00:09:40,918 --> 00:09:44,288
REASON WE'RE ALL STILL IN OUR
HOUSES AFTER 10 MONTHS, WOULD

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MAGICALLY GO AWAY AND BE CURED
BY DRINKING BLEACH.

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AND DURING ALL THAT AND MORE,
MITCH McCONNELL STOOD BY,

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QUIETLY.
HE WAS FINE WITH ALL OF THAT,

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BECAUSE IT MEANT HE COULD GET
WHAT HE WANTED.

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HE SQUEEZED TRUMP FOR EVERY
LITTLE DROPLET OF SELF‐TANNER HE

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00:09:59,703 --> 00:10:02,973
COULD. NOW ONCE THE GUY'S OUT OF
OFFICE, SUDDENLY IT'S TOO MUCH.

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00:10:02,973 --> 00:10:06,010
SO BEFORE WE PAT THAT LITTLE
MITCH ON HIS DORSAL FIN, LET'S

196
00:10:06,010 --> 00:10:08,746
REMEMBER THAT THIS PRESIDENT IS
DANGEROUS BECAUSE HE WAS NEVER

197
00:10:08,746 --> 00:10:14,218
CHECKED OR BALANCED BY CONGRESS.
MITCH McCONNELL IS 100%

198
00:10:14,218 --> 00:10:18,589
COMPLICIT IN THE VIOLENCE AND
CHAOS HE HAD THE TEMERITY TO

199
00:10:18,589 --> 00:10:20,758
DENOUNCE THIS WEEK.
AND YES, I DID SAY TEMERITY.

200
00:10:20,758 --> 00:10:24,928
AND I DON'T REGRET IT.
I'LL PROBABLY SAY IT AGAIN.

201
00:10:24,928 --> 00:10:25,829
ALL RIGHT.
I THINK WE NEED A PALATE

202
00:10:25,829 --> 00:10:31,068
CLEANSER.
I NEED A PALACE CLEANSER,

203
00:10:31,068 --> 00:10:33,470
ANYWAY, BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN A
DIFFICULT COUPLE OF WEEKS.

204
00:10:33,470 --> 00:10:35,305
I WANT TO REVISIT SOMETHING
WONDERFUL.

205
00:10:35,305 --> 00:10:40,244
ABOUT A YEAR AGO WE GOT HOLD OF
A LOCAL NEWS CLIP FROM MICHIGAN

206
00:10:40,244 --> 00:10:44,748
OF A DELIGHTFUL MAN NAMED
FREDDIE, FREDERICK MILLER, IN

207
00:10:44,748 --> 00:10:50,954
LINE ARE FOR THE GRAND OPENING
OF A NEW CANNABIS DISPENSARY,

208
00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:52,856
CANNABIS WAS LEGALIZED AND
FREDDIE WAS READY FOR IT.

209
00:10:52,856 --> 00:10:56,193
>> I WANT TO TRY SOME EDIBLES.
I'M REALLY INTERESTED IN THAT.

210
00:10:56,193 --> 00:11:00,297
MY EXPERIENCE, I'VE ONLY EVER
HAD LIKE MAYBE HOME BAKED, I

211
00:11:00,297 --> 00:11:02,066
GUESS.
YEAH I'M PROBABLY GOING TO SIT

212
00:11:02,066 --> 00:11:06,370
ON THE COUCH AND SMOKE A BOWL.
AND I DON'T KNOW, CHECK OUT,

213
00:11:06,370 --> 00:11:09,506
LIKE, THE NEW DRACULA ON NETFLIX.

214
00:11:09,506 --> 00:11:11,742
I'VE HEARD GOOD THINGS, MAN, I'M
EXCITED.

215
00:11:11,742 --> 00:11:14,778
>> Jimmy: NATURALLY I SET OUT TO
FIND THIS MAGICAL CREATURE AND

216
00:11:14,778 --> 00:11:16,880
WELCOME HIM INTO MY LIFE.
EVERYONE LOVED HIM.

217
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:21,051
AND IT'S BEEN A YEAR SINCE THEN.
WE WANT TO CATCH UP WITH

218
00:11:21,051 --> 00:11:23,654
FREDDIE.
WITH US NOW FROM HIS NEW JOB AT

219
00:11:23,654 --> 00:11:27,324
CANNABIS TO WELLNESS IN
BUCHANAN, MICHIGAN, IS OOED

220
00:11:27,324 --> 00:11:29,760
FREDDIE MILLER. HOW ARE YOU?

221
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:33,697
>> HEY, JIMMY, MAN.
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME, DUDE.

222
00:11:33,697 --> 00:11:37,735
>> Jimmy: FEELS LIKE IT'S BEEN
30 YEARS SINCE I SAW YOU LAST.

223
00:11:37,735 --> 00:11:38,135
CONGRATULATIONS.

224
00:11:38,135 --> 00:11:39,269
>> YEAH.

225
00:11:39,269 --> 00:11:40,137
>> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS ON THE
JOB.

226
00:11:40,137 --> 00:11:44,608
WHEN WE MET YOU, YOU WERE IN
LINE AT A DISPENSARY, NOW YOU'RE

227
00:11:44,608 --> 00:11:46,276
WORKING AT ONE.
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

228
00:11:46,276 --> 00:11:50,080
>> I HAVE NO IDEA, MAN, YOU TELL
ME.

229
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,883
NO, I WENT ON YOUR SHOW, MAN.
AND JUST ‐‐ NEXT THING I KNOW,

230
00:11:52,883 --> 00:11:57,087
DUDE, I'M GETTING CALLS LIKE
LEFT AND RIGHT FROM DISPENSARIES.

231
00:11:57,087 --> 00:12:00,724
I MEAN, JIMMY, I WAS LIKE
UNEMPLOYED, LIVING WITH MY MOM,

232
00:12:00,724 --> 00:12:05,729
GOD BLESS HER.
NOW I'VE BEEN OFFERED SOME OF

233
00:12:05,729 --> 00:12:08,132
THESE JOBS.
AND I METRIC FROM CANNABIS TO

234
00:12:08,132 --> 00:12:13,103
WELLNESS, BECAUSE HE INVITED ME
OUT TO BE HIS ‐‐ HIS FIRST

235
00:12:13,103 --> 00:12:16,974
RECREATIONAL CUSTOMER, RIGHT?
AND MAN, I JUST LOVE ‐‐ I FELL

236
00:12:16,974 --> 00:12:22,045
IN LOVE WITH HIM.
HE OWNS HIS OWN POT STORE, HE'S

237
00:12:22,045 --> 00:12:25,716
THE NICEST GUY IN THE WORLD.
GEEZ, MAN. I DON'T KNOW.

238
00:12:25,716 --> 00:12:29,219
>> Jimmy: HOW'S YOUR MOM?
ARE YOU STILL LIVING WITH YOUR

239
00:12:29,219 --> 00:12:30,087
MOM OR DID YOU MOVE OUT?

240
00:12:30,087 --> 00:12:32,589
>> OH ‐‐ OH, NO, I MOVED OUT,
YEP.

241
00:12:32,589 --> 00:12:35,626
>> Jimmy: MOVED OUT, YEAH.
WAS SHE HAPPY?

242
00:12:35,626 --> 00:12:40,798
>> 30 YEARS OLD, MAYBE.
SHE'S SUPER HAPPY FOR ME, MAN.

243
00:12:40,798 --> 00:12:41,865
SHE'S STOKED, YEAH.

244
00:12:41,865 --> 00:12:43,367
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S YOUR JOB TITLE
THERE AT THE STORE?

245
00:12:43,367 --> 00:12:45,569
WHAT DO YOU DO SPECIFICALLY?

246
00:12:45,569 --> 00:12:51,542
>> OKAY, SO ‐‐ I'M SUPPOSED TO
BE A BUDTENDER.

247
00:12:51,542 --> 00:12:55,879
BUT MY BOSS CALLS ME A WEED
AMBASSADOR, WHICH I THINK IS WAY

248
00:12:55,879 --> 00:12:56,647
MORE AT THIS TIME FITTING.

249
00:12:56,647 --> 00:13:00,150
>> Jimmy: BECAUSE HE DOESN'T
WANT YOU TOUCHING THE CASH

250
00:13:00,150 --> 00:13:01,785
REGISTER?
WHY ARE YOU NOT A BUDTENDER?

251
00:13:01,785 --> 00:13:05,355
>> OH, NO, NO.
NO, I BUDTEND TOO.

252
00:13:05,355 --> 00:13:06,390
>> Jimmy: OH, OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

253
00:13:06,390 --> 00:13:09,493
>> IT'S A TITLE, YEAH.
YOU KNOW, WITH THE ‐‐ GO AHEAD.

254
00:13:09,493 --> 00:13:12,563
>> Jimmy: DO YOU GET AN EMPLOYEE
DISCOUNT AT THE STORE?

255
00:13:12,563 --> 00:13:16,466
>> OH, YEAH, MAN.
CHRISTMAS TIME, HE GAVE US 50%

256
00:13:16,466 --> 00:13:16,831
OFF.

257
00:13:16,831 --> 00:13:21,605
>> Jimmy: OH!
OH, RICK SOUNDS LIKE A REAL

258
00:13:21,605 --> 00:13:21,939
SANTA CLAUS.

259
00:13:21,939 --> 00:13:24,274
>> AND TIME OFF, TOO.

260
00:13:24,274 --> 00:13:26,009
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S THE HOT STRAIN
RIGHT NOW?

261
00:13:26,009 --> 00:13:28,946
WHAT ARE YOU RECOMMENDING FOR
PEOPLE RIGHT NOW?

262
00:13:28,946 --> 00:13:33,917
>> OH, MAN. WELL, OH, GEE.
YOU KNOW, WE JUST USED TO BE

263
00:13:33,917 --> 00:13:37,855
WEED, YOU KNOW.
THEN I GOT AT A DISPENSARY.

264
00:13:37,855 --> 00:13:42,125
I FALL IN LOVE WITH A COUPLE
OF ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW, I GOT THIS

265
00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:46,463
INDICA CALLED GRIM BASTARD, I
LIKE IT, IT'S A REAL PARALYZER,

266
00:13:46,463 --> 00:13:51,168
MAN.
IN FACT, JIMMY, I ‐‐ RICK LETS

267
00:13:51,168 --> 00:13:55,606
ME WRITE A NEWSLETTER.
I GET TO DO A PIECE OF A

268
00:13:55,606 --> 00:13:57,708
NEWSLETTER WHERE I REVIEW
STRAINS AND PAIR THEM WITH

269
00:13:57,708 --> 00:14:02,980
HORROR MOVIES.
FITTINGLY, THE GRIM BASTARD WENT

270
00:14:02,980 --> 00:14:06,216
RIGHT ALONG WITH "THE NIGHT OF
THE LIVING DEAD."

271
00:14:06,216 --> 00:14:10,287
ALSO INSATIABLE, MUNCHIES, MAN.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE THE ONLY

272
00:14:10,287 --> 00:14:11,054
ONE EATING, RIGHT?

273
00:14:11,054 --> 00:14:13,090
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WELL, YOU'VE GOT
A GOOD POINT THERE.

274
00:14:13,090 --> 00:14:18,195
YOU MADE THE COVER OF A MAGAZINE.
WE HAVE THE COVER HERE, I

275
00:14:18,195 --> 00:14:18,528
BELIEVE.

276
00:14:18,528 --> 00:14:24,234
>> OH, YOU GOT IT, YEAH?
"SENSI" MAGAZINE, YEAH.

277
00:14:24,234 --> 00:14:26,036
>> Jimmy: "SENSI," YEAH.

278
00:14:26,036 --> 00:14:29,940
>> I MET THE PUBLISHER THROUGH
YOUR LITTLE CLIP, MAN.

279
00:14:29,940 --> 00:14:33,310
SHE INVITED ME UP TO A COUPLE OF
EVENTS UP IN MICHIGAN.

280
00:14:33,310 --> 00:14:36,847
IT'S PRETTY AWESOME.
JANIE COOPER IS HER NAME.

281
00:14:36,847 --> 00:14:37,981
>> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE A
GIRLFRIEND OR A BOYFRIEND OR

282
00:14:37,981 --> 00:14:39,716
ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

283
00:14:39,716 --> 00:14:41,218
>> GIRLFRIEND OR BOYFRIEND?

284
00:14:41,218 --> 00:14:41,685
>> Jimmy: YEAH.

285
00:14:41,685 --> 00:14:44,221
>> OH, MAN.
DUDE, I'VE BEEN SINGLE FOR LIKE

286
00:14:44,221 --> 00:14:47,057
EIGHT YEARS, BRO.

287
00:14:47,057 --> 00:14:49,927
>> Jimmy: WAS THAT BECAUSE YOU
WERE LIVING WITH YOUR MOM AND IT

288
00:14:49,927 --> 00:14:53,363
WAS WEIRD TO BRING PEOPLE HOME?

289
00:14:53,363 --> 00:14:55,632
>> YEAH MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO
DO WITH IT, MAYBE.

290
00:14:55,632 --> 00:14:58,435
I MEAN, YOU KNOW ‐‐ MY MOM'S
REALLY SWEET.

291
00:14:58,435 --> 00:15:00,671
I'D BRING ANYONE TO COME HOME TO
MEET MY MOM.

292
00:15:00,671 --> 00:15:04,942
>> Jimmy: I SURE WOULD WISH YOU
WOULD BE THE BACHELOR NEXT TIME

293
00:15:04,942 --> 00:15:07,277
AROUND, I THINK THAT WOULD BE A
LOT OF FUN.

294
00:15:07,277 --> 00:15:11,181
I'M GOING TO SPEAK TO ABC ABOUT
THAT. WELL, I HAVE TO SAY I JUST

295
00:15:11,181 --> 00:15:14,318
WANTED TO CHECK IN.
BECAUSE I NEEDED A DOSE OF

296
00:15:14,318 --> 00:15:18,155
POSITIVE ENERGY.
AND ONCE AGAIN, YOU DELIVERED,

297
00:15:18,155 --> 00:15:19,156
FREDDIE. SO THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

298
00:15:19,156 --> 00:15:19,790
>> THANK YOU, MAN.

299
00:15:19,790 --> 00:15:22,059
>> Jimmy: IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.

300
00:15:22,059 --> 00:15:23,961
>> REAL QUICK I GOT A JOKE FOR
YOU.

301
00:15:23,961 --> 00:15:25,028
>> Jimmy: OH, GREAT, OKAY.

302
00:15:25,028 --> 00:15:28,932
>> INSURRECTION, RIGHT, COOL.
I HAD THIS BRILLIANT IDEA.

303
00:15:28,932 --> 00:15:36,373
I WAS SPEAKING AND I THOUGHT,
MAN, IF I WOULD INSURRECT THE

304
00:15:36,373 --> 00:15:38,842
INSURRECTION, GET IN THERE MAYBE
SMOKE A LOT OF WEED, TALK TO A

305
00:15:38,842 --> 00:15:42,512
LOT OF DISGRUNTLED PEOPLE.
THEN YOU COULD STOP THE

306
00:15:42,512 --> 00:15:43,447
INSURRECTION BEFORE IT EVER EVEN
STARTED.

307
00:15:43,447 --> 00:15:45,582
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?

308
00:15:45,582 --> 00:15:50,887
>> Jimmy: WELL ‐‐ I THINK IT
NEEDS A LITTLE BIT OF REFINING.

309
00:15:50,887 --> 00:15:54,458
YEAH.
I THINK YOU NEED TO SLEEP ON IT.

310
00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:59,596
ALL RIGHT, THANKS, FREDDY.
BE SAFE, DON'T FORGET TO

311
00:15:59,596 --> 00:16:01,465
SANITIZE YOUR BONG, OKAY?

312
00:16:01,465 --> 00:16:03,533
>> YEAH, OKAY, JIMMY.

313
00:16:03,533 --> 00:16:05,435
>> Jimmy: THAT'S FREDDIE.
THANKS, FREDDIE.

314
00:16:05,435 --> 00:16:09,673
WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. CARRIE COON IS WITH US.

315
00:16:09,673 --> 00:16:12,376
MUSIC FROM BEACH BUNNY.
BE RIGHT BACK WITH BRYAN

316
00:16:12,376 --> 00:16:14,842
CRANSTON!

317
00:16:21,971 --> 00:16:23,245
♪

318
00:16:23,245 --> 00:16:27,062
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK.
TONIGHT, HER LATEST MOVIE IS

319
00:16:27,062 --> 00:16:29,365
"THE NEST."
CARRIE COON IS WITH US.

320
00:16:29,365 --> 00:16:32,401
LATER, THEIR EP IS CALLED "BLAME
GAME." IT'S OUT THIS FRIDAY.

321
00:16:32,401 --> 00:16:36,906
MUSIC FROM BEACH BUNNY.
TOMORROW NIGHT, KATE WINSLET AND

322
00:16:36,906 --> 00:16:39,608
JAVICIA LESLIE WILL JOIN US,
WITH MUSIC FROM FOO FIGHTERS.

323
00:16:39,608 --> 00:16:42,611
PLEASE JOIN US TOO.
OUR FIRST GUEST IS ONE OF THE

324
00:16:42,611 --> 00:16:44,046
MOST TALENTED ACTORS EVER.
HE'S WON SO MANY AWARDS HE TIPS

325
00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:50,386
POSTMATES WITH THEM.
HIS LATEST IS THE VERY INTENSE

326
00:16:50,386 --> 00:16:51,787
SERIES, "YOUR HONOR."

327
00:16:51,787 --> 00:16:58,994
>> DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THIS HAS
BEEN?

328
00:16:58,994 --> 00:17:00,696
EVERY PRINCIPLE ‐‐

329
00:17:00,696 --> 00:17:03,532
>> WHEN YOU LEFT MY SON DYING ON
THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, YOU LOST

330
00:17:03,532 --> 00:17:09,138
THAT. PRINCIPLE? NO.

331
00:17:09,138 --> 00:17:09,905
>> I CAN STILL MAKE THIS WORK.

332
00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:16,578
>> HOW? YOU'RE OUT OF TIME.
GIVE ME THE ANSWER TO MY

333
00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:16,946
QUESTION NOW.

334
00:17:16,946 --> 00:17:21,317
>> DESIRE. I'LL KILL HIM.
CARLO GOES DOWN FOR THIS, HE'LL

335
00:17:21,317 --> 00:17:26,555
NEVER COME OUT.
AND THEN YOU'LL HAVE TWO ‐‐

336
00:17:26,555 --> 00:17:29,358
YOU'LL HAVE ‐‐ TWO DEAD SONS.

337
00:17:29,358 --> 00:17:32,094
>> Jimmy: "YOUR HONOR" IS SUNDAY
NIGHTS ON SHOWTIME.

338
00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:34,530
SAY HELLO TO BRYAN CRANSTON.
HI, BRYAN.

339
00:17:34,530 --> 00:17:35,965
>> HEY, JIMMY, HOW ARE YOU?

340
00:17:35,965 --> 00:17:37,866
>> Jimmy: I'M GOOD.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING THAT

341
00:17:37,866 --> 00:17:40,569
SHOW OF YOURS.
YOU ARE SO FANTASTIC IN IT.

342
00:17:40,569 --> 00:17:43,572
IT ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK
LAST WEEKEND. I'M NOT KIDDING.

343
00:17:43,572 --> 00:17:48,310
I WAS WATCHING IT LIKE, I THINK
I MIGHT DIE AS A RESULT OF

344
00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:48,744
WATCHING THIS SHOW.

345
00:17:48,744 --> 00:17:52,448
>> YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?
I JUST ‐‐ I JUST DIDN'T THINK

346
00:17:52,448 --> 00:17:55,351
THERE WAS ENOUGH ANXIETY IN OUR
LIVES.

347
00:17:55,351 --> 00:17:58,420
SO I THOUGHT, LET'S DO THIS
SHOW, AND EVERYBODY WILL BE

348
00:17:58,420 --> 00:18:00,589
ANXIOUS AS HELL.

349
00:18:00,589 --> 00:18:07,196
>> Jimmy: I NEEDED SOME GRIM
BASTARD AFTER WATCHING THAT IS

350
00:18:07,196 --> 00:18:08,630
WHAT I NEEDED.
IS IT FUN TO PLAY A JUDGE, BY

351
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:11,500
THE WAY?
JUDGE SEEMS LIKE A FUN ACTOR

352
00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:12,835
THING TO PLAY.

353
00:18:12,835 --> 00:18:14,503
>> YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY YOU
SHOULD MENTION THAT.

354
00:18:14,503 --> 00:18:17,439
I WAS DOWN IN NEW ORLEANS WHERE
WE SHOT THE SHOW.

355
00:18:17,439 --> 00:18:22,077
AND ABOUT TWO WEEKS BEFORE WE
ACTUALLY STARTED SHOOTING, I DID

356
00:18:22,077 --> 00:18:25,647
SOME RESEARCH AT THE COURTHOUSE
THERE.

357
00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:29,018
AND YOU SEE VERY DIFFERENT KINDS
OF PERSONALITIES.

358
00:18:29,018 --> 00:18:33,288
SOME LIKE TO STAY IN THE
BACKGROUND LIKE A GOOD UMPIRE OR

359
00:18:33,288 --> 00:18:40,195
REFEREE. SOME USE IT AS A STAGE.
OTHERS WILL USE IT AS A BULLY

360
00:18:40,195 --> 00:18:43,399
PULPIT TO ADMONISH PEOPLE.
IT'S REALLY INTERESTING.

361
00:18:43,399 --> 00:18:50,572
AND THEN YOU SEE, YOU KNOW, JURY
SELECTION AND YOU ‐‐

362
00:18:50,572 --> 00:18:52,174
ARRAIGNMENTS.
AND SOMETIMES ‐‐ I WAS DOWN

363
00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:57,946
THERE ONCE AND I SAW A DOCTOR
WHO WAS GIVING EXPERT TESTIMONY

364
00:18:57,946 --> 00:19:04,586
ON MURDER AND WHAT HE THOUGHT
WAS A MURDER WEAPON AND SUCH.

365
00:19:04,586 --> 00:19:11,393
AND THIS IS INTENSE, EMOTIONAL,
LIFE‐CHANGING INFORMATION THAT

366
00:19:11,393 --> 00:19:15,898
HE WAS DISPENSING.
AND YET HE WAS STANDING THERE

367
00:19:15,898 --> 00:19:21,770
GOING, THERE'S A POSSIBILITY
THAT BLUNT FORCE COULD HAVE

368
00:19:21,770 --> 00:19:27,276
CAUSED THE TRAUMA TO THE VICTIM,
BUT IT'S UNSURE HOW MANY

369
00:19:27,276 --> 00:19:31,046
TIMES ‐‐ AND I WENT ‐‐ I STOOD
UP IN THE COURTROOM AND I SAID,

370
00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:35,951
OKAY, I GET IT, LET'S TAKE IT
BACK AND JUST GIVE IT A LITTLE

371
00:19:35,951 --> 00:19:42,491
MORE OOMPH, GIVE SUBMIT ENERGY,
COME ON, GUY.

372
00:19:42,491 --> 00:19:46,128
YOU COULD BE EXECUTED IF YOU
DON'T GIVE THE JOB RIGHT.

373
00:19:46,128 --> 00:19:48,764
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT MIGHT BE
THE PROFESSION.

374
00:19:48,764 --> 00:19:51,200
THE LEGAL PROFESSION MIGHT BE
THE PROFESSION THAT IS LEAST

375
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:54,570
LIKE IT IS PORTRAYED IN
TELEVISION AND FILM.

376
00:19:54,570 --> 00:19:58,507
BECAUSE MOST LAWYERS I KNOW SAY
IT'S JUST BORING ALL THE TIME.

377
00:19:58,507 --> 00:20:02,778
>> BORING ALL THE TIME.
THEN YOU SEE HEIGHTENED

378
00:20:02,778 --> 00:20:07,583
SITUATIONS WHERE THE DEFENDANTS
AND THE FAMILIES OF VICTIMS AND

379
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:12,921
THINGS LIKE THAT, JUXTAPOSED
WITH BAILIFFS AND SECRETARIES

380
00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:16,625
TALKING ABOUT, HEY, HAPPY HOUR'S
IN ABOUT 20, DO YOU WANT TO GO

381
00:20:16,625 --> 00:20:22,731
DOWN HERE AND HAVE A SHOOTER?
IT'S JUST A NORMAL THURSDAY FOR

382
00:20:22,731 --> 00:20:24,666
THEM. IT'S REALLY AN INTERESTING
ENVIRONMENT.

383
00:20:24,666 --> 00:20:28,837
>> Jimmy: WHEN YOU WERE IN NEW
ORLEANS, THIS WAS DURING COVID,

384
00:20:28,837 --> 00:20:32,608
RIGHT? THIS IS WHERE YOU COULDN'T
PROBABLY DO THINGS?

385
00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:38,814
>> WELL, WE STARTED THE SERIES
"YOUR HONOR" LAST YEAR, IN

386
00:20:38,814 --> 00:20:42,084
SEPTEMBER OF LAST YEAR.
THERE'S 10 EPISODES, SO YOU KNOW.

387
00:20:42,084 --> 00:20:43,352
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.

388
00:20:43,352 --> 00:20:46,889
>> IT'S GETTING JUICY.
AND WE CAME RIGHT UP TO MARCH,

389
00:20:46,889 --> 00:20:49,424
AND WE HAD TWO MORE EPISODES TO
SHOOT.

390
00:20:49,424 --> 00:20:54,530
AND THEY HAD TO SHUT US DOWN.
SO WE ALL WENT AWAY, AS EVERYONE

391
00:20:54,530 --> 00:20:59,001
DID, IN LOCKDOWN, AND DID YOUR
COVID INTERACTIONS.

392
00:20:59,001 --> 00:21:02,538
AND SEVEN MONTHS LATER, WE
RECONVENED IN NEW ORLEANS, AND

393
00:21:02,538 --> 00:21:05,707
THEN WE SHOT THE LAST TWO
EPISODES.

394
00:21:05,707 --> 00:21:08,644
BUT UNDER COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
SITUATIONS.

395
00:21:08,644 --> 00:21:11,446
WE WERE MASKED AND SHIELDED AND
REHEARSING.

396
00:21:11,446 --> 00:21:15,417
WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO BE CLOSE
TO EACH OTHER.

397
00:21:15,417 --> 00:21:19,688
YOU KNOW WHAT I NOTICED?
IS AT 64, ALMOST 65 NOW, I'VE

398
00:21:19,688 --> 00:21:23,625
BEEN TO MY FAIR SHARE OF ROCK
CONCERTS.

399
00:21:23,625 --> 00:21:27,896
I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH I
DEPENDED UPON LIP READING TO

400
00:21:27,896 --> 00:21:29,198
HEAR PEOPLE'S COMMENTS.

401
00:21:29,198 --> 00:21:31,366
>> Jimmy: SAME HERE.

402
00:21:31,366 --> 00:21:32,301
>> I'M TELLING YOU.

403
00:21:32,301 --> 00:21:33,268
>> Jimmy: SAME HERE.

404
00:21:33,268 --> 00:21:37,272
>> IT'S LIKE, MUMBLE MUMBLE
MUMBLE.

405
00:21:37,272 --> 00:21:39,942
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE
SAYING.

406
00:21:39,942 --> 00:21:42,010
>> Jimmy: BETWEEN THE SHIELDS
AND THE MOUTH BEING COVERED, I

407
00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:45,581
DON'T KNOW WHAT ANYONE IS SAYING
EVER. I MIGHT AS WELL BE A SCUBA

408
00:21:45,581 --> 00:21:48,016
DIVER. IT'S CRAZY.

409
00:21:48,016 --> 00:21:54,056
>> I'VE GOTTEN USED TO JUST
DOING LIKE, "OH, HM, OH?"

410
00:21:54,056 --> 00:21:54,690
>> Jimmy: I THINK THEY CALL THAT

411
00:21:54,690 --> 00:21:55,023
[ BLEEP ].

412
00:21:55,023 --> 00:21:59,428
RIGHT?
BRYAN, SO YOU TAKE THIS JOB,

413
00:21:59,428 --> 00:22:04,299
YOU'RE GOING TO BE SHOOTING IN
NEW ORLEANS, WHICH SOUNDS LIKE

414
00:22:04,299 --> 00:22:05,300
FUN.
THEN YOU'RE IN NEW ORLEANS, AND

415
00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:08,170
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANY
FUN AT ALL. WHAT DO YOU DO?

416
00:22:08,170 --> 00:22:10,739
DO YOU JUST SIT IN THE HOTEL
ROOM THERE?

417
00:22:10,739 --> 00:22:16,044
>> WELL, WHAT'S SO INTERESTING
IS BEFORE WE GOT CLOSED DOWN, AT

418
00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:21,650
THE VERY END, DURING MARDI GRAS
THIS LAST YEAR, I WAS THE

419
00:22:21,650 --> 00:22:23,018
EMPEROR OF ORPHEUS.

420
00:22:23,018 --> 00:22:23,919
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH.

421
00:22:23,919 --> 00:22:27,356
>> I WAS IN THE PARADE AND
THROWING THE BEADS OUT.

422
00:22:27,356 --> 00:22:29,424
AND EVERYBODY WAS HAVING A GREAT
TIME.

423
00:22:29,424 --> 00:22:34,329
IT WAS A HUGE SUPERSPREADER.
IT WAS THE SUPERSPREADER OF ALL,

424
00:22:34,329 --> 00:22:38,000
THAT WE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT AT THE
TIME, IT WAS LIKE FEBRUARY.

425
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:41,003
PEOPLE ARE GASSED ON THE SIDE OF
THE STREET. BUT IT WAS A BLAST.

426
00:22:41,003 --> 00:22:44,806
NEW ORLEANS, THEY REALLY KNOW
HOW TO THROW A PARTY, AND IT WAS

427
00:22:44,806 --> 00:22:45,607
GREAT.
AND THEN NOT TWO WEEKS LATER,

428
00:22:45,607 --> 00:22:49,211
EVERYTHING SHUT DOWN.
SO NOW WHEN WE WENT BACK TO

429
00:22:49,211 --> 00:22:53,815
SHOOT THE LAST COUPLE EPISODES,
WE WERE TOLD, YOU REALLY JUST

430
00:22:53,815 --> 00:22:57,152
HAVE TO GO TO WORK AND GO HOME.
GO TO WORK, GO HOME.

431
00:22:57,152 --> 00:23:00,589
THERE IS NO SOCIALIZING.
WE'RE WEARING MASKS AND SHIELDS

432
00:23:00,589 --> 00:23:04,259
WHEN WE'RE REHEARSING.
AND ONLY WHEN ‐‐ OKAY, ROLL

433
00:23:04,259 --> 00:23:06,695
SOUND, YOU TAKE THAT STUFF OFF,
DO THE SCENE, AND CUT.

434
00:23:06,695 --> 00:23:10,699
AND YOU PUT IT BACK ON.
AND EVERYBODY STAYS AWAY.

435
00:23:10,699 --> 00:23:14,536
IT WAS TRYING.
IT WAS, YOU KNOW ‐‐ I DON'T WANT

436
00:23:14,536 --> 00:23:17,205
TO MAKE IT SOUND LIKE IT WAS ‐‐

437
00:23:17,205 --> 00:23:20,475
>> Jimmy: RIGHT, RIGHT, YEAH.
IT'S A NUISANCE.

438
00:23:20,475 --> 00:23:21,643
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
THOUGH.

439
00:23:21,643 --> 00:23:23,945
I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING.
BECAUSE I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT.

440
00:23:23,945 --> 00:23:28,383
I KNOW YOU'RE A BIG DODGERS FAN.
TOMMY LASORDA PASSED AWAY ON

441
00:23:28,383 --> 00:23:31,053
FRIDAY.
YEARS AGO, WHEN I WAS DOING "THE

442
00:23:31,053 --> 00:23:34,656
MAN SHOW," ADAM CAROLLA AND I,
WE GOT A CALL, DO YOU WANT TO BE

443
00:23:34,656 --> 00:23:38,694
THE GRAND MARSHALS IN OUR MARDI
GRAS PARADE?

444
00:23:38,694 --> 00:23:40,228
OF COURSE WE SAY YES, WE WOULD
LOVE TO.

445
00:23:40,228 --> 00:23:43,098
WE GET THERE ‐‐ IT WAS KIND OF A
LAST‐MINUTE THING.

446
00:23:43,098 --> 00:23:46,768
WE GET THERE, WE GET ON THE
FLOAT, WE'RE THROWING THESE

447
00:23:46,768 --> 00:23:51,506
BEADS OR MEDALLIONS AT THE END.
ON EACH MEDALLION IS TOMMY

448
00:23:51,506 --> 00:23:54,409
LASORDA'S FACE.
AND LIKE, WHY ARE WE THROWING

449
00:23:54,409 --> 00:23:57,312
TOMMY LASORDA MEDALLIONS OUT TO
THE CROWD?

450
00:23:57,312 --> 00:23:59,981
THEY GO, OH, YEAH, TOMMY
CANCELED, THAT'S WHY WE ASKED

451
00:23:59,981 --> 00:24:07,656
YOU GUYS TO DO IT.
I GOT TO FIND ONE OF THOSE

452
00:24:07,656 --> 00:24:09,758
MEDALLIONS.
BRYAN CRANSTON IS WITH US, THE

453
00:24:09,758 --> 00:24:11,560
SHOW IS "YOUR HONOR."
IT'S ON SHOWTIME.

454
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:12,694
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

455
00:24:19,942 --> 00:24:25,513
♪

456
00:24:25,513 --> 00:24:26,745
>> Jimmy: CARRIE COON AND BEACH
BUNNY ARE STILL TO COME.

457
00:24:26,745 --> 00:24:31,483
WE ARE BACK WITH BRYAN CRANSTON.
HIS SHOW IS CALLED "YOUR HONOR."

458
00:24:31,483 --> 00:24:35,321
WATCH IT SUNDAYS AT 10:00 ON
SHOWTIME IF YOU DARE.

459
00:24:35,321 --> 00:24:39,425
IT REALLY IS SOME SHOW.
BRYAN, YOU'VE BEEN KEEPING VERY

460
00:24:39,425 --> 00:24:43,662
BUSY IN A WAY I DID NOT EXPECT
OVER THE COVID LOCKDOWN.

461
00:24:43,662 --> 00:24:46,598
YOU'VE BEEN BAKING BREAD.

462
00:24:46,598 --> 00:24:50,102
>> I ‐‐ YES.
GOING BACK TO MY GRANDFATHER WAS

463
00:24:50,102 --> 00:24:51,537
A PROFESSIONAL BAKER.

464
00:24:51,537 --> 00:24:52,304
>> Jimmy: WOW.

465
00:24:52,304 --> 00:24:56,508
>> I WENT BACK TO MY ROOTS AND
GOT A STARTER FROM A FRIEND, AND

466
00:24:56,508 --> 00:25:02,081
I MADE SOME REALLY ATTRACTIVE
LOAVES OF SOURDOUGH.

467
00:25:02,081 --> 00:25:04,316
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A WHOLE THING,
THE STARTER, RIGHT?

468
00:25:04,316 --> 00:25:07,353
IT'S LIKE A ‐‐ YOU'VE GOT TO
KEEP IT ALIVE, YOU HAVE TO FEED

469
00:25:07,353 --> 00:25:09,321
IT.
ARE YOU STILL FEEDING IT OR DID

470
00:25:09,321 --> 00:25:09,955
YOU GIVE UP?

471
00:25:09,955 --> 00:25:13,225
>> YOU HAVE TO KEEP FEEDING THE
STARTER.

472
00:25:13,225 --> 00:25:15,994
THE STARTER GOT SO BIG, IT ATE
MY REFRIGERATOR, SO I HAD TO GET

473
00:25:15,994 --> 00:25:19,665
RID OF IT.
YOU START ALL OVER AGAIN.

474
00:25:19,665 --> 00:25:24,370
>> Jimmy: LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT
THE RESULTS OF BRYAN'S BREAD

475
00:25:24,370 --> 00:25:27,139
BAKING. BEAUTIFULLY DONE.
I THINK YOUR GRANDFATHER WOULD

476
00:25:27,139 --> 00:25:29,541
BE QUITE CROWD AND IMPRESSED.

477
00:25:29,541 --> 00:25:32,578
>> THERE WAS A LITTLE BIT OF
PRESSURE TO MAKE SURE THAT I

478
00:25:32,578 --> 00:25:36,448
DIDN'T MESS THAT UP, TOO, YEAH.
AND IT TASTES FANTASTIC.

479
00:25:36,448 --> 00:25:40,619
BY THE WAY, THAT'S NOT THE ONLY
THING THAT I PICKED UP DURING

480
00:25:40,619 --> 00:25:43,522
THE COVID LOCKDOWN.
I WANT YOU TO ‐‐ HERE, I'M GOING

481
00:25:43,522 --> 00:25:46,158
TO DO THIS.
BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO MEET A

482
00:25:46,158 --> 00:25:46,558
FRIEND OF MINE.

483
00:25:46,558 --> 00:25:48,994
>> Jimmy: OH.

484
00:25:48,994 --> 00:25:53,932
>> AND HIS NAME IS GERALD.

485
00:25:53,932 --> 00:25:54,266
>> Jimmy: OH.

486
00:25:54,266 --> 00:25:55,267
>> SAY HI, GERALD.

487
00:25:55,267 --> 00:25:57,770
>> Jimmy: NICE TO MEET YOU,
GERALD.

488
00:25:57,770 --> 00:26:04,676
>> HEY, WHO THE HELL ROSE ME OUT
OF MY NAP, HUH? WHO'S THAT?

489
00:26:04,676 --> 00:26:10,616
GEE, I THOUGHT TOM DeLUISE WAS
DEAD.

490
00:26:10,616 --> 00:26:12,351
>> WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?
THAT'S JIMMY KIMMEL.

491
00:26:12,351 --> 00:26:16,722
>> YEAH, I KNOW, I'VE SEEN HIM.
BORING!

492
00:26:16,722 --> 00:26:17,055
>> COME ON.

493
00:26:17,055 --> 00:26:23,762
>> Jimmy: GERALD!
THIS IS WONDERFUL, BRYAN.

494
00:26:23,762 --> 00:26:26,732
BUT CAN WE ‐‐ YOU KNOW, I
JUST ‐‐ IF I HAVE ONE

495
00:26:26,732 --> 00:26:30,102
SUGGESTION, COULD WE SEE YOU DO
IT WITHOUT THE MASK?

496
00:26:30,102 --> 00:26:33,071
>> WITHOUT THE MASK?

497
00:26:33,071 --> 00:26:33,439
>> Jimmy: YEAH.

498
00:26:33,439 --> 00:26:35,407
>> WELL ‐‐

499
00:26:35,407 --> 00:26:35,974
>> Jimmy: MASK OFF.

500
00:26:35,974 --> 00:26:42,681
>> YEAH ‐‐ WELL ‐‐ OKAY.
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE THE MASK OFF?

501
00:26:42,681 --> 00:26:46,385
I MEAN, I JUST ‐‐ I THINK IT'S
SAFER TO WEAR THE MASK, AND THIS

502
00:26:46,385 --> 00:26:47,386
IS HOW I LEARNED HOW TO DO IT.

503
00:26:47,386 --> 00:26:50,389
>> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

504
00:26:50,389 --> 00:26:54,560
>> WITH HIS HAND UP MY ASS, AND
NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!

505
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,396
>> JUST CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN,
WE'RE OKAY, GERALD.

506
00:26:57,396 --> 00:27:02,201
>> WHO IS THIS ANYWAY?
I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE.

507
00:27:02,201 --> 00:27:03,936
HE SURE AS HELL AIN'T NO CARSON.

508
00:27:03,936 --> 00:27:07,339
>> I KNOW, BUT THIS IS HIS ‐‐ BE
KIND.

509
00:27:07,339 --> 00:27:10,175
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

510
00:27:10,175 --> 00:27:13,579
>> Jimmy: YEAH I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK WE'RE MISSING SOME OF

511
00:27:13,579 --> 00:27:16,548
THE VENTRILOQUISM MAGIC WITH THE
MASK, YOU KNOW?

512
00:27:16,548 --> 00:27:21,820
>> OH, OKAY. I SEE.
I SEE WHAT YOU WANT.

513
00:27:21,820 --> 00:27:28,260
SO IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT GERALD
IS 81 YEARS OLD AND COULD BE

514
00:27:28,260 --> 00:27:31,530
EXPOSED, AND HE'S CANTANKEROUS,
BUT OKAY, JIMMY, IT'S YOUR SHOW.

515
00:27:31,530 --> 00:27:35,501
WHY DON'T WE TAKE OFF THE MASK.
THERE YOU GO.

516
00:27:35,501 --> 00:27:36,468
THAT'S GREAT, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

517
00:27:36,468 --> 00:27:41,273
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH ‐‐ YEAH,
OKAY.

518
00:27:41,273 --> 00:27:46,211
NOT EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING.
BUT, YOU KNOW ‐‐ DO YOU HAVE AN

519
00:27:46,211 --> 00:27:48,046
ACT? WHAT DO YOU DO, EXACTLY?

520
00:27:48,046 --> 00:27:49,548
>> IF WE COULD JUST STOP
INTERRUPTING?

521
00:27:49,548 --> 00:27:52,251
>> Jimmy: I'M SORRY.

522
00:27:52,251 --> 00:27:54,953
>> GERALD WAS GOING TO TELL US
ABOUT HIS TRIP THAT HE JUST TOOK.

523
00:27:54,953 --> 00:27:56,321
>> THAT'S RIGHT, I JUST TOOK A
TRIP.

524
00:27:56,321 --> 00:28:02,060
>> OKAY, GERALD.
AND WHERE DID YOU GO?

525
00:28:02,060 --> 00:28:03,629
>> I WENT TO WASHINGTON, D. C.

526
00:28:03,629 --> 00:28:04,062
>> OH.

527
00:28:04,062 --> 00:28:06,665
>> JUST NOW. JUST GOT BACK.

528
00:28:06,665 --> 00:28:11,837
>> OH. WELL. LAST WEEK?
DURING ALL THE ‐‐ WHAT WERE YOU

529
00:28:11,837 --> 00:28:15,240
DOING THERE?

530
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:23,849
>> UHH ‐‐ A PARADE?

531
00:28:23,849 --> 00:28:29,621
>> ALL RIGHT.
NO MORE NEWSMAX FOR YOU.

532
00:28:29,621 --> 00:28:33,125
I'D LIKE TO NOW DRINK A GLASS OF
WATER.

533
00:28:33,125 --> 00:28:40,799
>> Jimmy: OKAY, OKAY, GREAT.
ALL RIGHT. GO AHEAD.

534
00:28:40,799 --> 00:28:46,838
ALL RIGHT, THIS WILL BE GREAT.
WAIT.

535
00:28:46,838 --> 00:28:49,141
ISN'T GERALD SUPPOSED TO SING OR
SOMETHING WHILE YOU DRINK THE

536
00:28:49,141 --> 00:28:52,077
GLASS OF WATER?

537
00:28:52,077 --> 00:28:53,378
>> OH.
OKAY, SO I GUESS YOU'RE THE

538
00:28:53,378 --> 00:28:57,249
VENTRILOQUIST NOW? NOT ME?

539
00:28:57,249 --> 00:28:59,718
>> Jimmy: NO, I'M NOT, I'M NOT.

540
00:28:59,718 --> 00:29:01,520
>> WHO IS THIS GUY?
HE COULDN'T [ BLEEP ] CARSON'S

541
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:04,990
HAT!

542
00:29:04,990 --> 00:29:06,758
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.

543
00:29:06,758 --> 00:29:09,995
>> YOU ‐‐ THAT'S AWFUL!

544
00:29:09,995 --> 00:29:11,830
>> Jimmy: BRYAN CRANSTON AND
GERALD, EVERYBODY, THEY'RE

545
00:29:11,830 --> 00:29:15,033
WONDERFUL.

546
00:29:15,033 --> 00:29:16,368
>> WAKE ME UP WHEN THERE'S
SOMETHING DECENT AND SOMEONE HAS

547
00:29:16,368 --> 00:29:20,205
A PIECE OF PIE.

548
00:29:20,205 --> 00:29:22,507
>> Jimmy: WATCH "YOUR HONOR" ON
SHOWTIME.

549
00:29:22,507 --> 00:29:25,110
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CARRIE
COON.

550
00:29:25,110 --> 00:29:25,510
>> I'M SO SORRY.

551
00:29:25,510 --> 00:29:27,512
>> Jimmy: IT'S FINE.

552
00:29:40,025 --> 00:29:40,826
>> Dicky: NEXT WEEK ON "JIMMY

553
00:29:40,826 --> 00:29:57,066
KIMMEL LIVE" ‐‐

554
00:29:59,032 --> 00:30:03,769
♪

555
00:30:03,769 --> 00:30:06,084
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK.
MUSIC FROM BEACH BUNNY IS ON THE

556
00:30:06,084 --> 00:30:08,720
WAY. YOU KNOW OUR NEXT GUEST FROM
"THE LEFTOVERS," FROM "FARGO,"

557
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:11,556
FROM THINGS, A LOT OF THINGS.
HER MOVIE IS CALLED, "THE NEST,"

558
00:30:11,556 --> 00:30:15,860
IT'S AVAILABLE ON DIGITAL AND
VOD.

559
00:30:15,860 --> 00:30:20,198
NOW PLEASE SAY HELLO TO CARRIE
COON AT YOUR HOMES.

560
00:30:20,198 --> 00:30:20,698
HI, CARRIE, HOW ARE YOU?

561
00:30:20,698 --> 00:30:22,400
>> I'M GREAT, JIMMY, HOW ARE
YOU?

562
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:25,536
>> Jimmy: I'M DOING WELL.
I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I REALIZED

563
00:30:25,536 --> 00:30:26,704
THIS WAS YOUR FIRST TIME ON THE
SHOW.

564
00:30:26,704 --> 00:30:30,642
I WAS SURPRISED BECAUSE I FEEL
LIKE YOU'VE BEEN ON BEFORE.

565
00:30:30,642 --> 00:30:36,180
YOU KNOW, I LOVE "THE LEFTOVERS."
WE DID ONE OF THESE BIG EMMY

566
00:30:36,180 --> 00:30:37,949
Q&As FOR "THE LEFTOVERS."

567
00:30:37,949 --> 00:30:38,549
>> YES.

568
00:30:38,549 --> 00:30:39,584
>> Jimmy: I HAVE TO SAY ‐‐

569
00:30:39,584 --> 00:30:40,351
>> I REMEMBER.

570
00:30:40,351 --> 00:30:43,788
>> Jimmy: I WAS SURPRISED AT HOW
NORMAL AND UPBEAT AND FRIENDLY

571
00:30:43,788 --> 00:30:47,925
YOU WERE. I HAVE TO SAY.
BECAUSE YOU PLAY SOME INTENSE

572
00:30:47,925 --> 00:30:48,459
CHARACTERS, TYPICALLY.

573
00:30:48,459 --> 00:30:49,861
>> I DO, YEAH.
THANK YOU FOR THAT.

574
00:30:49,861 --> 00:30:53,865
YEAH MY FAMILY IS REALLY MIST
TIED BY MY CAREER THAT I'M

575
00:30:53,865 --> 00:30:57,235
ALWAYS CRYING AND YELLING AND
BREAKING THING IS.

576
00:30:57,235 --> 00:30:59,237
BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY QUITE
EASY‐GOING.

577
00:30:59,237 --> 00:31:01,806
DIRECTORS ARE ALWAYS REALLY
SURPRISED WHEN THEY MEET ME.

578
00:31:01,806 --> 00:31:04,642
IN FACT, BRYAN CRANSTON STOLE MY
BIT.

579
00:31:04,642 --> 00:31:08,112
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU AND BRYAN
CRANSTON ARE KIND OF A LOT ALIKE.

580
00:31:08,112 --> 00:31:13,718
YEAH, YOU'D THINK WALTER WHITE,
"YOUR HONOR."

581
00:31:13,718 --> 00:31:14,986
>> BAKING BREAD.

582
00:31:14,986 --> 00:31:19,057
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE A BREAD BAKER,
WOW. YOU'RE IN "THE GHOSTBUSTERS"

583
00:31:19,057 --> 00:31:23,428
MOVIE, WHAT IS IT, "GHOSTBUSTERS
AFTER LIFE" THAT'S COMING OUT AS

584
00:31:23,428 --> 00:31:23,793
WELL.

585
00:31:23,793 --> 00:31:26,564
>> THAT'S RIGHT, YES.
IT'S PRETTY SURREAL.

586
00:31:26,564 --> 00:31:29,801
I GREW UP WITH THAT SHOW PLAYING
ON MY TV IN THE '80s.

587
00:31:29,801 --> 00:31:37,141
AND NOW I'M GOING TO HEAR THAT
MUSIC FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

588
00:31:37,141 --> 00:31:38,376
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU REVEALING
SOMETHING THAT PERHAPS YOU ARE

589
00:31:38,376 --> 00:31:39,277
NOT SUPPOSED TO?

590
00:31:39,277 --> 00:31:40,278
>> I HOPE NOT.

591
00:31:40,278 --> 00:31:43,614
>> Jimmy: IS RAY PARKER JR.
INCLUDED IN THIS NEW

592
00:31:43,614 --> 00:31:44,182
"GHOSTBUSTERS" FILM?

593
00:31:44,182 --> 00:31:45,149
>> HOW COULD HE NOT BE?

594
00:31:45,149 --> 00:31:48,553
>> I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
A LOT OF THE ORIGINAL CAST IS IN

595
00:31:48,553 --> 00:31:51,489
IT. I ASSUME YOU WORKED WITH BILL
MURRAY WHICH IS ALWAYS ‐‐

596
00:31:51,489 --> 00:31:53,024
EVERYBODY ‐‐ THAT'S AN
EXPERIENCE FOR PEOPLE.

597
00:31:53,024 --> 00:31:56,327
>> IT IS INDEED.
AND HE DID NOT DISAPPOINT, I

598
00:31:56,327 --> 00:31:58,362
MUST SAY.
YOU KNOW, ON BILL'S BIRTHDAY

599
00:31:58,362 --> 00:32:01,466
THEY HAD THE CALGARY
CHEERLEADERS COME IN.

600
00:32:01,466 --> 00:32:05,369
BUT HE HAD ALREADY MADE PLANS.
HE BROUGHT HIS OWN BAGPIPER AND

601
00:32:05,369 --> 00:32:09,307
SANG US A FUNERAL DIRGE WHICH
WAS VERY ENTERTAINING.

602
00:32:09,307 --> 00:32:17,115
GENEROUSLY, HE ALSO GOT THESE
THAI MASSEUSES ON THE SET SO THE

603
00:32:17,115 --> 00:32:19,217
CREW COULD POP IN AND HAVE A
MASSAGE.

604
00:32:19,217 --> 00:32:22,887
HE IS UNFAILINGLY HIMSELF.
IT SEEMS KIND OF EXHAUSTING BUT

605
00:32:22,887 --> 00:32:24,055
I THINK HE'S STILL ENJOYING IT.

606
00:32:24,055 --> 00:32:26,290
>> Jimmy: AT ANY POINT DID YOU
KIND OF ‐‐ I DON'T WANT TO PUT

607
00:32:26,290 --> 00:32:29,494
THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEAD, BUT DID
YOU JUST GO, WOW, HERE I AM

608
00:32:29,494 --> 00:32:32,764
WORKING WITH BILL MURRAY.
YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT OF

609
00:32:32,764 --> 00:32:34,699
PEOPLE I'M SURE YOU HAVE THAT
THOUGHT ABOUT.

610
00:32:34,699 --> 00:32:37,201
TO ME THERE'S NO ‐‐ I MEAN,
THAT'S ‐‐ AS FAR AS I'M

611
00:32:37,201 --> 00:32:39,771
CONCERNED, THAT'S THE TOP OF THE
HEAP.

612
00:32:39,771 --> 00:32:42,340
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, HE AND I ARE
BOTH CUBS FANS.

613
00:32:42,340 --> 00:32:46,744
HE INVITED ME TO WATCH THE GAME.
AND KNOWING BILL MURRAY AND

614
00:32:46,744 --> 00:32:49,814
HAROLD RAMIS ARE FROM CHICAGO,
WHICH IS A PLACE WHERE I LIVE, I

615
00:32:49,814 --> 00:32:52,550
JUST KIND OF CAN'T BELIEVE WHERE
I AM NOW COMPARED TO WHERE I

616
00:32:52,550 --> 00:32:56,788
STARTED.
I ACTUALLY AUDITIONED FOR

617
00:32:56,788 --> 00:32:58,756
GRADUATE SCHOOL IN CHICAGO, THAT
WAS THE FIRST TIME I CAME TO THE

618
00:32:58,756 --> 00:33:00,391
SEE. MY MOM AND AUNTS AND GRANDMA

619
00:33:00,391 --> 00:33:04,262
CAME WITH ME TO CHEER ME ON, GOT
DRUNK ON MARTINIS IN THE

620
00:33:04,262 --> 00:33:07,331
BASEMENT OF THE PALMER HOUSE.
I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, CAN'T

621
00:33:07,331 --> 00:33:09,567
BELIEVE THIS IS MY LIFE.
WHEN I THINK ABOUT THAT NIGHT, I

622
00:33:09,567 --> 00:33:12,570
WAS IN THE HOTEL ROOM WITH MY
GRANDMA.

623
00:33:12,570 --> 00:33:14,038
WE HEARD BANGING AND SHE SAID, I
THINK THOSE PEOPLE ARE HAVING

624
00:33:14,038 --> 00:33:21,846
SEX. AND NOW HERE I AM,

625
00:33:21,846 --> 00:33:25,983
"GHOSTB"GOES HOOHOST
AFTERLIFE," WHICH WILL BE THE

626
00:33:25,983 --> 00:33:27,952
HEADLINE OF MY OBITUARY.

627
00:33:27,952 --> 00:33:32,256
>> Jimmy: AND THOSE PEOPLE WOULD
GROW UP TO BE DONALD TRUMP AND

628
00:33:32,256 --> 00:33:33,958
STORMY DANIELS.
I LOVE THE IDEA OF ALL THESE

629
00:33:33,958 --> 00:33:36,828
PEOPLE COMING TO AN AUDITION FOR
YOU.

630
00:33:36,828 --> 00:33:37,829
>> THEY WERE THERE FOR THE
DRINKS.

631
00:33:37,829 --> 00:33:41,666
THEY HAD ME SINGING WITH THE
PIANO PLAYER IN THE HOTEL BAR TO

632
00:33:41,666 --> 00:33:44,001
PRACTICE MY MONOLOGUE.
THEY'RE A GOOD TIME, A LOT OF

633
00:33:44,001 --> 00:33:45,503
FUN. VERY CRITICAL, THOUGH.

634
00:33:45,503 --> 00:33:46,771
>> Jimmy: ARE THEY REALLY?
REALLY?

635
00:33:46,771 --> 00:33:48,039
>> YES, YES, YEAH.

636
00:33:48,039 --> 00:33:48,506
>> Jimmy: OF YOU?

637
00:33:48,506 --> 00:33:51,876
>> WELL, I MEAN, THEY'RE VERY
SUPPORTIVE, BUT ‐‐ FOR EXAMPLE,

638
00:33:51,876 --> 00:33:55,813
IN MY FILM "THE NEST," I DO A
LOT OF SMOKING.

639
00:33:55,813 --> 00:34:01,485
AND, YOU KNOW, THEY ALWAYS MADE
FUN OF ME ON STAGE FOR SMOKING

640
00:34:01,485 --> 00:34:04,055
POORLY, NOT BEING GOOD AT IT,
BECAUSE THEY WERE SMOKERS

641
00:34:04,055 --> 00:34:04,388
GROWING UP.

642
00:34:04,388 --> 00:34:05,756
>> Jimmy: REALLY?

643
00:34:05,756 --> 00:34:08,125
>> THEY DEFINITELY KEEP ME
GROUNDED, PUT THAT IT WAY.

644
00:34:08,125 --> 00:34:11,529
>> Jimmy: YOU'D THINK AFTER "THE
LEFTOVERS" YOU'D KNOW YOUR WAY

645
00:34:11,529 --> 00:34:14,065
AROUND A CIGARETTE.

646
00:34:14,065 --> 00:34:17,001
>> THEY THOUGHT MY SMOKING WAS
TERRIBLE IN "THE LEFTOVERS."

647
00:34:17,001 --> 00:34:18,803
>> Jimmy: OH, REALLY?

648
00:34:18,803 --> 00:34:19,237
>> YEAH.

649
00:34:19,237 --> 00:34:22,306
>> Jimmy: WELL, MAYBE YOU NEED
TO SMOKE MORE IS THE MESSAGE

650
00:34:22,306 --> 00:34:24,675
YOUR FAMILY IS SENDING YOU.

651
00:34:24,675 --> 00:34:29,714
>> MY MOM HAS ALWAYS RECOMMENDED
I TAKE UP SMOKING TO HELP ME

652
00:34:29,714 --> 00:34:30,079
RELAX.

653
00:34:30,079 --> 00:34:33,284
>> Jimmy: "THE NEST" IS NOT
ABOUT ONE OF THE THERMOSTATS

654
00:34:33,284 --> 00:34:35,953
PEOPLE PUT ON THE WALL, I'M
ASSUMING? MAYBE IT IS.

655
00:34:35,953 --> 00:34:39,123
>> NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S NOT A CLIMATE‐CONTROL

656
00:34:39,123 --> 00:34:39,957
HAUNTING, NO.

657
00:34:39,957 --> 00:34:41,893
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
THE SMOKE DETECTOR DOESN'T GO

658
00:34:41,893 --> 00:34:44,262
OFF EVERY TIME YOU LIGHT UP?

659
00:34:44,262 --> 00:34:48,399
>> NOT IN THIS PARTICULAR FILM.
IT IS THE '80s SO IT'S PRE‐NEST.

660
00:34:48,399 --> 00:34:52,103
NO, IT'S ABOUT A MARRIED COUPLE,
ABOUT THE TACIT AGREEMENTS WE

661
00:34:52,103 --> 00:34:54,739
MAKE THAT MAKE UP A MARRIAGE.
YOU KNOW, WHETHER OR NOT THOSE

662
00:34:54,739 --> 00:34:59,610
MARRIAGES CAN SURVIVE WHEN WE
LET GO OF OUR DELUSIONS, JUST

663
00:34:59,610 --> 00:34:59,977
LIKE AMERICA.

664
00:34:59,977 --> 00:35:03,014
>> Jimmy: YEAH, DID YOU HEAR
WHAT HAPPENED TODAY?

665
00:35:03,014 --> 00:35:05,383
DONALD TRUMP GOT IMPEACHED,
AGAIN.

666
00:35:05,383 --> 00:35:05,716
>> AGAIN.

667
00:35:05,716 --> 00:35:08,452
>> Jimmy: KEEPS HAPPENING.
IT KEEPS HAPPENING TO HIM OVER

668
00:35:08,452 --> 00:35:10,154
AND OVER AGAIN, NOBODY
UNDERSTANDS.

669
00:35:10,154 --> 00:35:12,356
>> HE LOVES TO BE THE FIRST
PERSON TO DO THINGS, HE SHOULD

670
00:35:12,356 --> 00:35:12,924
BE THRILLED.

671
00:35:12,924 --> 00:35:14,859
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WELL, HE'S GOT A
RECORD NOW.

672
00:35:14,859 --> 00:35:17,261
IT'S GOING TO BE A TOUGH ONE TO
TOP.

673
00:35:17,261 --> 00:35:20,464
THIS IS LIKE ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW, I
THINK HE'S GOING TO ‐‐ IT'S LIKE

674
00:35:20,464 --> 00:35:23,734
HE'S THE CAL RIPKEN OF
IMPEACHMENTS NOW.

675
00:35:23,734 --> 00:35:26,304
>> WELL, THAT'S SOMETHING.

676
00:35:26,304 --> 00:35:28,906
>> Jimmy: ARE PEOPLE WATCHING
"THE LEFTOVERS"?

677
00:35:28,906 --> 00:35:32,910
I FEEL LIKE THAT'S A SHOW THAT
IS ONE OF, TO ME, THE BEST SHOWS

678
00:35:32,910 --> 00:35:34,512
EVER.
AND NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE WATCHED IT

679
00:35:34,512 --> 00:35:37,682
WHEN IT WAS OUT.
ARE PEOPLE NOW WATCHING IT AGAIN?

680
00:35:37,682 --> 00:35:42,586
>> WELL, NOW WITH QUARANTINE,
THEY'RE RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO

681
00:35:42,586 --> 00:35:44,155
WATCH.
ALL THE PEOPLE WHO SAID THEY

682
00:35:44,155 --> 00:35:46,824
WERE GOING TO FOUND THEIR WAY TO
WATCHING IT.

683
00:35:46,824 --> 00:35:49,126
YEAH, IT'S UNFORTUNATELY VERY
TIMELY, ABOUT THE COLLECTIVE

684
00:35:49,126 --> 00:35:53,965
GRIEVING IN SOCIETY.
NO ONE RECOGNIZES ME EXCEPT FOR

685
00:35:53,965 --> 00:35:55,833
"LEFTOVERS" FANS.
MY EXPERIENCES WITH THOSE PEOPLE

686
00:35:55,833 --> 00:35:57,268
ARE ALWAYS SATISFYING.
NEVER TRITE.

687
00:35:57,268 --> 00:35:59,670
THEY ALWAYS HAVE A STORY TO TELL
ABOUT WHY THEY CONNECTED WITH

688
00:35:59,670 --> 00:36:03,407
THE SHOW, EITHER THROUGH
PERSONAL GRIEF, THE LOSS OF A

689
00:36:03,407 --> 00:36:06,844
CHILD, A PARENT.
SO ‐‐ THEN IT'S THE SUBSET OF

690
00:36:06,844 --> 00:36:10,614
PEOPLE WHO JUST WANT TO KNOW
ABOUT THE ENDING, WHETHER OR NOT

691
00:36:10,614 --> 00:36:12,583
NORA WENT THROUGH.
AND I'LL NEVER TELL.

692
00:36:12,583 --> 00:36:14,552
>> Jimmy: YOU'LL NEVER TELL.
DO YOU KNOW, THOUGH?

693
00:36:14,552 --> 00:36:16,854
>> I'LL NEVER TELL.
OF COURSE I KNOW, I HAD TO MAKE

694
00:36:16,854 --> 00:36:20,191
A DECISION.
IT WOULDN'T HAVE CHANGED THE

695
00:36:20,191 --> 00:36:21,692
PERFORMANCE, I DON'T THINK.
I KNOW JUSTIN'S BEEN VERY OPEN

696
00:36:21,692 --> 00:36:24,762
ABOUT IT, HIS OPINION.
BUT YOU KNOW, GOOD ART, I THINK

697
00:36:24,762 --> 00:36:27,365
WHEN IT'S AMBIGUOUS, IT REVEALS
MORE ABOUT THE PERSON WHO'S

698
00:36:27,365 --> 00:36:29,266
WATCHING IT.
WHATEVER THE ACTRESS THINKS,

699
00:36:29,266 --> 00:36:30,735
DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.
IT'S REALLY ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE

700
00:36:30,735 --> 00:36:33,571
THAT THE WATCHER IS HAVING.
I WON'T TELL.

701
00:36:33,571 --> 00:36:34,105
I WON'T TELL YOU EITHER.

702
00:36:34,105 --> 00:36:37,608
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME.

703
00:36:37,608 --> 00:36:39,844
I'VE MADE MY OWN DECISIONS ON
THAT.

704
00:36:39,844 --> 00:36:40,244
>> GOOD.

705
00:36:40,244 --> 00:36:43,047
>> Jimmy: THANKS FOR BEING ON.
I HOPE TO SEE YOU NEXT TIME IN

706
00:36:43,047 --> 00:36:43,381
THE FLESH.

707
00:36:43,381 --> 00:36:44,181
>> I HOPE SO.

708
00:36:44,181 --> 00:36:47,618
>> Jimmy: "THE NEST" IS
AVAILABLE NOW ON DIGITAL AND

709
00:36:47,618 --> 00:36:50,287
VIDEO ON DEMAND.
CARRIE COON, EVERYBODY.

710
00:36:50,287 --> 00:36:52,990
WE'LL BE BACK WITH BEACH BUNNY.

711
00:36:52,990 --> 00:36:54,859
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS

712
00:36:54,859 --> 00:36:57,361
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING.

713
00:37:05,503 --> 00:37:07,009
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS

714
00:37:07,009 --> 00:37:11,046
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING.

715
00:37:11,046 --> 00:37:13,082
>> Jimmy: THANKS TO BRYAN
CRANSTON AND CARRIE COON.

716
00:37:13,082 --> 00:37:15,084
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON.
"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT, BUT FIRST,

717
00:37:15,084 --> 00:37:17,052
THE EP IS CALLED "BLAME GAME."
WITH THE SONG "GOOD GIRLS DON'T

718
00:37:17,052 --> 00:37:22,591
GET USED," FROM THE EMPTY BOTTLE
IN CHICAGO, BEACH BUNNY!

719
00:37:22,591 --> 00:37:24,927
♪ SAY YOU MISS ME

720
00:37:24,927 --> 00:37:28,197
SAY YOU WANNA KISS ME
I LIKED IT BETTER

721
00:37:28,197 --> 00:37:28,998
WHEN YOU IMPROVISED ♪

722
00:37:28,998 --> 00:37:30,733
♪ THE STORY WE HAD

723
00:37:30,733 --> 00:37:31,533
IF YOU ADORE ME
WHY DO YOU IGNORE ME

724
00:37:31,533 --> 00:37:32,267
I LIKED IT BETTER WHEN ♪

725
00:37:32,267 --> 00:37:33,268
♪ YOU SENT ME SORRY

726
00:37:33,268 --> 00:37:37,072
WHEN I WAS SAD
STOP SAYING IT'S MY BAD

727
00:37:37,072 --> 00:37:37,539
YOU'RE ACTING LIKE ♪

728
00:37:37,539 --> 00:37:39,475
♪ YOUR DEADBEAT DAD

729
00:37:39,475 --> 00:37:43,312
I KNOW YOU KNOW
YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT

730
00:37:43,312 --> 00:37:44,947
BUT YOU CAN'T RESPOND ♪

731
00:37:44,947 --> 00:37:46,715
♪ WHEN YOU REACT

732
00:37:46,715 --> 00:37:50,953
I'M TIRED OF DUMB BOY TALK
OF GETTING CLOSE

733
00:37:50,953 --> 00:37:52,454
YOU SAY YOU WON'T YOU DO ♪

734
00:37:52,454 --> 00:37:53,722
♪ BUT ACT AS THOUGH

735
00:37:53,722 --> 00:37:59,461
YOU DON'T YOU'RE NOT A GHOST
I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU ♪

736
00:37:59,461 --> 00:38:01,263
♪ I STARTED LETTING GO

737
00:38:01,263 --> 00:38:06,769
YOU LET ME KNOW THAT YOU WERE
JUST CONFUSED ♪

738
00:38:06,769 --> 00:38:11,006
♪ AND I STILL THINK

739
00:38:11,006 --> 00:38:14,777
THAT YOU'RE CUTE BUT I NEED YOU
TO REMEMBER THAT ♪

740
00:38:14,777 --> 00:38:16,512
♪ GOOD GIRLS DON'T GET USED

741
00:38:16,512 --> 00:38:19,481
AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH
GOOD GIRLS DON'T GET USED

742
00:38:19,481 --> 00:38:24,720
AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH ♪

743
00:38:24,720 --> 00:38:25,954
♪ GOOD GIRLS DON'T GET

744
00:38:25,954 --> 00:38:29,958
SAY YOU WANT ME
ACTUALLY YOU WANT ME

745
00:38:29,958 --> 00:38:30,959
DID YOU WANNA RIBBON ♪

746
00:38:30,959 --> 00:38:31,994
♪ CAUSE I'M GONNA NEED

747
00:38:31,994 --> 00:38:37,099
TO HEAR MORE THAN THAT
GOTTA SHOW ME

748
00:38:37,099 --> 00:38:38,534
IF YOU WANNA KNOW ME ♪

749
00:38:38,534 --> 00:38:41,070
♪ MAYBE YOU WOULD KNOW

750
00:38:41,070 --> 00:38:46,508
BY NOW I'M THE GREATEST THING

751
00:38:46,508 --> 00:38:49,278
THAT YOU COULD HAVE ♪

752
00:38:49,278 --> 00:38:51,213
♪ STOP SAYING IT'S MY BAD

753
00:38:51,213 --> 00:38:52,948
FORGETTING EVERYTHING WE HAD
I KNOW YOU KNOW ♪

754
00:38:52,948 --> 00:38:53,949
♪ YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT

755
00:38:53,949 --> 00:38:55,718
BUT YOU CAN'T RESPOND
WHEN YOU REACT

756
00:38:55,718 --> 00:38:56,752
I'M TIRED OF DUMB BOY TALK ♪

757
00:38:56,752 --> 00:38:57,720
♪ OF GETTING CLOSE

758
00:38:57,720 --> 00:39:00,456
YOU SAY YOU WON'T YOU DO
BUT ACT AS THOUGH YOU DON'T ♪

759
00:39:00,456 --> 00:39:01,457
♪ YOU'RE NOT A GHOST

760
00:39:01,457 --> 00:39:07,696
I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU
I STARTED LETTING GO

761
00:39:07,696 --> 00:39:08,697
YOU LET ME KNOW ♪

762
00:39:08,697 --> 00:39:09,565
♪ THAT YOU WERE

763
00:39:09,565 --> 00:39:12,234
JUST CONFUSED AND I STILL THINK
THAT YOU'RE CUTE ♪

764
00:39:12,234 --> 00:39:13,268
♪ BUT I NEED YOU

765
00:39:13,268 --> 00:39:17,306
TO REMEMBER THAT
GOOD GIRLS DON'T GET USED

766
00:39:17,306 --> 00:39:19,775
AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH ♪

767
00:39:19,775 --> 00:39:22,745
♪ GOOD GIRLS DON'T GET USED

768
00:39:22,745 --> 00:39:29,084
AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH
GOOD GIRLS DON'T GET

769
00:39:29,084 --> 00:39:31,220
WHO'S THE GIRL ♪

770
00:39:31,220 --> 00:39:31,587
♪ IN YOUR STORY

771
00:39:31,587 --> 00:39:33,956
HARD TO BELIEVE THAT
YOU REALLY CARE AT ALL IF

772
00:39:33,956 --> 00:39:35,724
WHEN YOU'RE BORED ♪

773
00:39:35,724 --> 00:39:39,461
♪ OR YOU'RE HORNY

774
00:39:39,461 --> 00:39:42,965
I WANNA HANG OUT BUT YOU'RE BUSY
HUNTING DOWN A BOOTY CALL ♪

775
00:39:42,965 --> 00:39:43,532
♪ HATE IT HOW YOU IGNORE ME

776
00:39:43,532 --> 00:39:47,002
LIKE FOR A WEEKEND
BUT THEN PRETEND

777
00:39:47,002 --> 00:39:48,303
NOTHING HAPPENED ♪

778
00:39:48,303 --> 00:39:49,071
♪ IS THAT SO

779
00:39:49,071 --> 00:39:52,975
CAUSE I ASKED TO COME OVER
BUT SUPPOSEDLY A GIRL THAT'S ♪

780
00:39:52,975 --> 00:39:53,408
♪ JUST YOUR FRIEND

781
00:39:53,408 --> 00:39:56,278
WAS IN YOUR HOME
I'M TIRED OF DUMB BOY TALK

782
00:39:56,278 --> 00:39:57,980
OF GETTING CLOSE ♪

783
00:39:57,980 --> 00:39:59,948
♪ YOU SAY YOU WON'T YOU DO

784
00:39:59,948 --> 00:40:04,720
BUT ACT AS THOUGH YOU DON'T
YOU'RE NOT A GHOST ♪

785
00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:06,455
♪ I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU

786
00:40:06,455 --> 00:40:11,193
YOU SAY YOU WON'T BUT THEN YOU DO
YOU SAY YOU WON'T ♪

787
00:40:11,193 --> 00:40:13,529
♪ BUT THEN YOU DO

788
00:40:13,529 --> 00:40:20,235
YOU SAY YOU WON'T BUT THEN YOU DO
YOU SAY YOU WON'T ♪

789
00:40:20,235 --> 00:40:24,740
♪ BUT THEN YOU DO

790
00:40:24,740 --> 00:40:29,144
YOU SAY YOU WON'T BUT THEN YOU DO
YOU SAY YOU WON'T ♪

791
00:40:29,144 --> 00:40:30,479
♪ BUT THEN YOU DO

792
00:40:30,479 --> 00:40:34,950
YOU SAY YOU WON'T BUT THEN YOU DO
YOU SAY YOU WON'T ♪

793
00:40:34,950 --> 00:40:36,451
♪ BUT THEN YOU DO

794
00:40:36,451 --> 00:40:40,956
YOU SAY YOU WON'T BUT THEN YOU DO
YOU SAY YOU WON'T ♪

795
00:40:40,956 --> 00:40:43,959
♪ BUT THEN YOU DO

796
00:40:43,959 --> 00:40:46,695
YOU SAY YOU WON'T BUT THEN YOU DO
YOU SAY YOU WON'T ♪

797
00:40:46,695 --> 00:40:47,162
♪ BUT THEN YOU DO

798
00:40:47,162 --> 00:40:50,662
YOU SAY YOU WON'T
BUT THEN YOU DO ♪